#and its a damn shame bc im having FUN

[cowboy-robooty]

im not going to lie i have an illuminati type theory that fanfiction has gotten so fucking bad recently as yet another consequence of the pandemic

[meganegatari]

THE WAY YOU WRITE IS JUST SO YUMMM so yeah🧍🏻‍♀️can you write something about streamer ellie <33

☆: IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. definitelyyyy hasn't been...months...anyway. positive this is one of the worse things i've written, but didn't wanna leave you hanging forever! ngl it's pretty filthy..heh.

◇: 18+ pretend those twitch guideline things don't exist. remote control vibrator use, orgasm denial, sub-ish!ellie?? plot twist at the end bc i think im so funny. 1.6k wc. don't mind the layout of this idk what else to do...

You watch your girlfriend stream her game from your fluffy and comfortable spot on your shared bed—you observe how focused she was on her screen, how her skilled fingers were flying across the keyboard and mouse. It would certainly be a shame to disturb her in such a high tension moment but you think it over, running your finger over the small buttons of the sleek little remote in your hand.

"Yeah, yeah, got 'em! Look at that guys, I fuckin’ aced that!" Ellie rejoices in her victory, and gleefully boasts to her viewers, adjusting her microphone closer and leaning back in her chair.

You're glad you were far off camera, her fans didn't even know she was in a relationship—Ellie made it clear she wanted you to be separate from her hobbies, not because she wanted to keep you a secret, but because she wanted to keep you safe. And you enjoyed watching her stream from the sidelines like this, you saw how her personality captivated viewers and how much fun she really was. But you also enjoyed messing with her on the occasion. Like today.

"Can I watch tonight's stream again?" You asked her eagerly. "Yeah, why not? I'll be doing some tournaments and stuff though, so no distractions." Oops. You bit back a laugh. Ellie immediately sussed out the mischievous look on your face and she sighed, expecting the worst.

Then you showed her the box you've been hiding, "Please let's try, I won't click it too much, I promise." She stared at you for a whole minute, maybe more, before sighing and reluctantly agreeing, rubbing her hands all over her face. "God, fine. Just 'cause I love you. Damn you're evil."

Fast forward to now—the device was snugly inserted inside her pretty pussy, tested out to prove it does in fact work, and works well at that.

So off Ellie went to play her game, getting so caught up in everything she seemingly forgot about the device entirely. In between games she was talking to the viewers, reading the chat and joking back and forth. You decided it was a good enough time to click it so you pressed the button, only for a miniscule zap.

She jerked in her seat, gasping, but quickly recovered with a strategic cough. "Phew sorry guys, something got caught in my throat." You saw a bright berry blush spread across her face, and the way she fought to turn and throw a glare at you. This was going to be fun.

"Alright, the next round’s gonna start, we gotta lock in! Hopefully nothing pops up and this goes smoothly. I can taste the win already.” She put a certain warning tone to her voice in the last part of her sentence, you knew it was meant for you, but were you going to listen? Absolutely not. "Oh yeah chat fun fact, this old area of the map was inspired by ancient ruins just of—ah!" As if her body had a mind of its own, she squirmed in her seat and she clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle a moan when you hit it again, but this time you didn't turn it off right away. You kept it going for a few more seconds, to prolong the terribly delicious sensation.

She screwed her eyes shut tightly and held her breath until you turned it off, mumbling to her viewers about "having hiccups". "The game is starting now, so we really gotta get serious." Her voice had an unsteadiness to it only you could hear, she was keeping her composure rather well so far. But likely wouldn't be able to keep up the act for much longer. Even she has her limits.

As her match went on, she got quiet when she was focused, mashing the keys with a speed fast as sound. Of course, you hit it again, just a short one, causing a choked "guh" to escape from her lips and she twitched when you did so, her facade starting to crack. The effort to keep her voice stable was showing, she was huffing and struggling to get her words out clearly, they were laced with obvious irritation.

"Fuck missed the shot, dammit. Yeah I don't know, somethings up today, sorry guys...off my game." You decided to be nice to her until the game ended, not pressing it further or adjusting the intensity. She played for a little while longer before losing the match, leaning forward on the desk with her face in her hands. This was the perfect moment, so you cranked it up, increased the intensity to maximum, and held the button for the longest time yet, making her whine—a low, drawn out sound she couldn't stifle this time.

You could hear lots of messages being sent, pings in rapid succession, they were probably clipping that moment. Perverts, you thought. 

Her chest was noticeably heaving up and down, her legs spread as she rocks her front against the chair, and she kept her head lowered until you decreased the intensity but didn't turn it all the way off. Her hands were shaking, and her face was a vibrant cherry red, the screen even reflected the sparkle of a couple tears in her eyes.

“What? Oh, I'm just so sad about the loss guys, we were so close—hnn- so…so closeahh—I mean, we should've gotten that…” She trailed off, chewing on her bottom lip and tapping her fingers on the desk’s wooden surface. “Y’know what, I'll be right back.” She paused the stream, made triple sure her camera and microphone were turned off, then whipped around in her chair to face you, glaring silver daggers your way.

You just giggled innocently and turned the device off again. “What the fuck is wrong with you, this shit is not- not light on you at all.” Her voice was breaking, her pretty features contorted in a beautifully needy expression, eyebrows furrowed and eyes all watery. Nearly as wet as the mess in her pants. You feigned innocence and shrugged at her, “Well I didn't know it was that strong.” “You knew damn well.” She's fed up with your antics, but you have fun playing with her. She covers her face and leans back in the chair, the embarrassment in her voice the only thing you could hear, “Fuck you...turn it up again, wanna cum.”

You couldn't contain the laugh that burst forth from your chest, then said, “Only if you stream it.” The shock that flickered across her face was priceless, you wish you could have snapped a photo.

“What the fuck do you mean by that, nah forget it.”

“Hey, you gotta finish your stream either way, they're waiting. Would you wanna be so awful and deprive those darlings of your presence?”

You flash her a sugary smile, and she shoots you a murderous look again, before wordlessly scooting back to her setup, fanning herself briefly and readjusting her coppery hair.

Then she turns the stream back on. “Sorry guys, I had to get up for a second. Anyway, let's play one more game. I'm getting kinda tired today. Let's make this one count, lock in like never before.” She takes a deep breath, cracks her knuckles, and begins smacking away at the keyboard buttons. You're able to see the way she looks tense, on edge, anticipating your devilish interruption.

You debate whether you should torture her, but the answer quickly becomes clear. Click.

“Ah—fuck!” She sputters, and roughly slams her fist on the desk. The pleasure was hitting her with full force, she was in her own, lewd, world now. Her head is thrown back, back arched and hips stuttering, the release was about to sneak up on her.

You watch the scenario unfold, licking your lips and pressing your thighs together to deal with the pressure between them. Her unapologetic moans get louder, but for a second she snaps out of the trance to sit back upright, turn the stream off, before the peak hits her like a truck.

“Holy, fu—hah!!” With a squeal she cums, not caring about how fucking loud she was being, wanting to be selfishly absorbed in ecstasy.

She started to jolt around in her seat, the throes of overstimulation making her whimper like an animal in heat, it truly was a sight to behold. You wish you were in between her legs, lapping up her sweetness straight from the source, but in a way, just watching from the sidelines was satisfying enough. You'll clean her up afterward.

Finally you turned it off once and for all, and gazed at her, she was panting heavily, the post-orgasm glow making her rosy skin shimmer in the low light.

“Hmmm, thanks babe, that was so good…” She tried to talk, her head was in the clouds, but she looked at peace.

“You're a whore.” You chortled, and you two shared a laugh.

Although, a flurry of shrill sounds brought you both out of the fantasy. Ping, ping, ping.

Unfortunately she wasn't able to enjoy the aftermath of a mind-numbing session, because her eyes shot open and she began scrambling to find the source of the sound. Your stomach dropped as you watched her panic, her neuroticism infectious.

She looked at you, her eyes wider than saucers, nothing but fear in her voice, “I wasn't able to turn my mic off…”

What was she going to do now?

if you'd like to be tagged in my fics, click here! thank you for reading. asks, reblogs, and comments are appreciated more than you know. ♡

tags: @andersonfilms @ch6douin @aouiaa @sapphic-ovaries @astro-cat2 @paqerings @r3starttt @littlefallenangel111 @sinfulprayerss @lvlymicha @sunnsh1ine @anniee333 @pinkcwake @marsworlddd @caszzine @saturnsdrafts @ashaynep @mascdom @xysbree @liddysflyer @fortune777 @brunaedn @bunnitewsilly @mimasroom2 @deliriousrn @infiniteinquiries @thekill3randthefinalgirl @kissyslut @elliesapple

[jesuistrestriste]

The other posts before just kink shaming people. Calling people weirdos and creeps and that the authorities should be called and some how writing men squirting, "because its not biologically possible" is in the same category as well like damn have abit of whimsy

helloo !

so i guess a user who follows me, or used to follow me, is posting on their acc snippets of my work and talking about how im weird and gross (as well as some other unspecified challengers writers) bc i wrote about ‘puppy’ stuff and ‘men squirting’. they blurred out my user but my writing was directly referenced.

they basically likened the puppy play stuff to sexualizing real animals, and said that it was also creepy to write about men squirting bc it’s not ‘biologically possible’

i don’t wanna make this into a big deal, bc it’s genuinely not, but i’m responding to it to hopefully give this individual some clarification and also to defend the users who actually enjoy this type of kink content (bc i do too)

so. first of all — puppy play. i, for one, in the particular drabble they screenshotted, do not have the reader treating art like an actual dog. the reader only calls art ‘puppy’ and he is submissive. those are literally the only two things involved that are similar to puppy play. however, many people enjoy/write about other more direct aspects of puppy play, like collaring and leashing and etc, and that does NOT mean they like sexualizing real animals. it is NOT bestiality. i’m going to assume that the user in question who likened it to bestiality is not informed on what puppy play actually is/represents, and just took the concept of calling someone ‘puppy’ = sexualizing dogs and ran with it. that’s definitely not what it is, and i certainly was not writing it that way. for many, puppy play is simply about the power dynamics of it all. do i enjoy puppy play in its entirety? no, not really (i like certain bits and pieces), but i respect those who do. it also goes without saying that i do not advocate for or support the sexualization of real animals in any way shape or form ..? that’s disgusting.

— more info below the cut —

second of all — squirting. men squirting is possible, just the same as how women squirting is possible. if you don’t believe me, look it up on pornhub lol; it’s definitely possible. to my knowledge, the anatomical/bodily processes that allow someone to squirt are the exact same ones involved in. well. peeing. like. if you can pee, you have the anatomy necessary to be able to squirt. i’m mid-writing this and i can’t believe im talking in depth about what squirting is and how it works. help. but yea, is squirting = pee ? no. no, it’s not (controversial lol). but even if it was, some people are into that. no need to yuck someone else’s yum. you’re entitled to your opinion though. if you don’t enjoy it/understand it and think it’s ‘creepy’, that’s cool too ! idc—it’s your life! do what you want !

third of all — i read their post and they also talked about how it’s weird to write about puppy!stuff because some users (i don’t know if they were talking about me in this instance or just some writers on challengers tumblr in general) are writing about ‘real men’ and that these men should be ‘calling the authorities’. i know for me, im not writing about mike faist in a puppy play context. im writing about art donaldson. a fictional man. and i promise you, art donaldson will not be reading my stuff. and for that matter, neither will mike faist. that man wants nothing to do with social media, let alone tumblr (rip to his tumblr era though).

bottom line, kink shaming is not cool. it’s not fun, it’s not kind, it’s not cute, it’s not very demure.

some people use kinks as an escape from harsh aspects of their reality like past trauma, etc. or to process those traumas. that being said, you are 1000% allowed to not like something. that is your business ! but posting about someone’s work and making grotesque claims about their character and what they stand for based on smut writing is very odd. i do not appreciate it !

i am in no way trying to attack/hate on the person who made the posts, but i think it’s important to try to address stuff like this and educate those who may be confused or misinterpreting. to the user who made the posts: i hope you have a good day, and i hope this clears things up ! if you see this and want to talk more about it, my dms are open. all love.

UPDATE: i was just informed that the user in question used to write for (tw) school shooters and apparently cleared all evidence of it from their account except for some lingering tags.

i take it all back ! ! as someone who has experienced the effects of a school shooting + has been in a uni community targeted and affected by an act of gun violence, that is absolutely disgusting, and you can rot ! seek therapy ! :)

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

NEW CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD BUT ALSO DAMN IT IS HEARTBREAKING

also, i’d really like to hear more about jesse’s hanahaki sickness thing? bc i know it’s connected to his nature aspect but im just really interested in why it shows up whenever he’s stressed or having an outburst, or when it first started happening, or if it’s happened to previous masters of surprise, and does anyone else know about it?

anyways, great chapter as always and i’m honestly so excited for when we reach the dance chapter!! 💗💗

RAAAA THANK YOU AND I KNOOOOW T-T)9

Lloyd shoots a look at Jesse. “…yeah, why is that a thing you do? Is it like that one fictional disease—?” “No, it’s my Effect of Nature…but instead of a trick where I can pull flowers out of my sleeves to show how I feel, I…cough it up instead, particularly when I feel terrible. Like those magicians who cough up playing cards? Except I have flowers.” Jesse smushes his face against Miranda’s bed, mumbling into the blanket.  “…the irony of the symbolism is not lost on me, though.”

why it shows up whenever he’s stressed or having an outburst: As mentioned, it's not actually hanahaki– it just resembles it in how the Effect of Nature manifests in Jesse when he can't control it (i.e., during an Outburst, or a Pre-Outburst). We know it doesn't just happen out of believed unrequited love; it also occurs from guilt, shame, jealousy, envy, and any else that connects to Jesse's main Outburst triggers. It's also not at risk of outright killing him or anything, whether from the physical strain or via a lack of returned affections or whatever...but again, it's still not a pleasant experience :D

You could also compare this to when smoke billows out of Kai, or when cracks form on Cole's face/neck, or when sparks fly off of Jay. This would just be (one of) Jesse's equivalent gut-reactions Pre-Outburst, although depending on the inciting emotion/incident is whether or not he'd just get mere petals vs an entire ass flower

when it first started happening: Enter the Aftershock is actually the first time its happened, and the shock/distress over realizing it is what triggered the full double Outburst in that scenario. Which, of course, only occurred to begin with because that was the first real time Jesse had to contend with Cole not returning his feelings. Just a fun perk he happened to unlock at a horrible time and has been dealing with ever since :'D maybe he'll unlock something GOOD for a change soon here

if it’s happened to previous masters of surprise: It could have, but the thing with Masters of Surprise is that their set of powers are unique to the individual. Yes, they all share the ability to channel Surprise into other elements, but the way each trick manifests differs by Master. Bess' powers only matched Jesse because, well, he was cloned from Jesse. And Cam's powers are similiar to Jesse's because she's his daughter (something that hasn't happened with Surprise EMs prior), but they're still not the exact same either.

It's kind of like how the Derivative Abilities differ between Core Four masters, too! Technically same powers, different utilization! So, someone else's Effect of Nature may have them simply bloom flowers when they walk by (or kill them lmao), or they could be reverse from Jesse—they're able to cough up flowers on command for good moments (which would be...very unfortunate), but then maybe petals would constantly fall from their sleeves during Outbursts instead snksnksnk. That's just a few offhand examples, however.

...Buuuuut there IS a point in time where we'll get to see Mystake's personal twist on the element, ehehehe. Though she definitely wasn't coughing up flower petals lol

does anyone else know about it?: Miranda (after B2Ch40), Antonia (during B2Ch49), literally all the Ninja (B3Ch4), and only Kai, Jay, Lloyd, Mira, and Antonia know more of the specifics due to getting the above explanation in B3Ch7. However, none of them know the extent of how bad it can get...hence why Jesse still ran off in this most recent chapter despite Cole already being aware that this is a thing that happens, as Jesse already really didn't want to be caught crashing out vulnerable (.......doubly so because Jesse suspected he was about to cough up "Cole's" flower anyway and that REALLY would've raised questions for Cole hnnnnng)

But ah, the dance chapter, my beloved.......I'm excited for it too! But be careful what you wish for >:3

[prentissluvr]

i dont have all of my sam thots and dean thoughts just yet but I had to send in this bc I completely forgot about meg! sam

and its a damn shame that we didn't see more of that bc it solidified my stance on being a sam girlie

we got at least 3 episodes of demon dean (i have not seen him yet i've only heard about it) but we got like less than half an hour with meg! sam and honestly we deserved more with him

meg! sam made me feel lots of things LOLL

(i wanted to be jo SO BAD in that episode LMAO)

now i need your thots on him please :p

KJDFSJL NO BECAUSE... NOOO I CANT thinking about the amount of meg!sam edits i've seen in the past few days. thinking about the one saved in my camera roll. thinking about throwing up pissing my pants projectile vomiting and passing the fuck out. i reiterate tho, i'm normal!! i'm so so so normal and i don't feel things about it!!!!!!!

i'm honestly still like borderline unsure about how nsfw i want to get on this blog, but uhhh i'm just gonna start typing and see where my dirty fucking mind takes me!

cw : highly suggestive!! no smut, but still absolutely no minors!! MDNI!! contains condescending/mean/possessed sam, but also sweet sam too <33. use of gendered terms, but it is gender inclusive to fem, masc, and gn as much as i could make it! horrible writing it's genuinely just me going feral :))

sooo basically for me the worst (best) part of meg!sam was his voice! it's so bad (never have i ever heard anything hotter in my life). IDK I DONT EVEN THINK I CAN FORM A COHERENT THOUGHT OVER THIS NOT GONNA LIE. uhm uhhh ummmm uhhhh uhmmmm.

so basically so basically, essentially, wwowowowowowowowifjhshf alright lets focus on one thing at a time.

we'll start with that goddamn voice of his. the way it goes from teasing, condescending to deeper, more gravelly and matter-of-fact and then back to condescending LIKE WHOO IM GONNA NEED TO TAKE A LAP. idk just thinking about his large hand on the back of your head, maybe tangled in your hair if the way you wear it allows for that, and his veiny forearm visible through your peripheral vision as he says "open up.. that's a girl" like he did to jo😭😭😭 (or he's says "thaaat's it" to keep things gender neutral, dragging out the "that's" for an extra second, that extra gravel in his condescending tone).

and while this is in possessed!sam context, he'd definitely say things like that normally, i do personally envision him to be less condescending and more sincere. either way, hot as fuck if you ask me. also this isn't meg!sam, but in season seven he says "good girl" and i do listen to that clip several times a day, i am so serious when i say that and i have no shame about it!! i have daddy issues so i do not care!!! so yeah he also says good girl/boy/whatever variation you enjoy best <3 uhmmm yeah but the main point is his hot as fuck voice, right next to your ear with his breath tickling you sensitive skin. especially with that whisper. oh god the whisper😭 and along with "that's a girl," there's atta girl and he'd use that one too so i'll go die in a hole :))) but yeah he genuinely thinks you're so good for him so expect that praise, whether you want it sweet or mean.

then we also have his facial expressions!! the smirk he uses to rile you up or that he flashes you, all mean and haughty because he knows he's getting to you. the fake pity too!! lord help me, once again the utterly fake pity just falls under that condescending persona that was so hot about meg!sam. i'm just gonna use photo evidence and you can imagine him looking at you like that!! enjoy!

last thing i have to say about meg!sam is manhandling!! ahahaahahahaahahah i'm normal and okay!! (this is a cry for help i need him so bad). um yeah while i hate the context of the manhandling of jo in the episode because it's crossing so many boundaries, i will still enjoy the fact that he is hot. so yeah! have fun thinking about sam whirling you around and pinning you between his chest and nearest surface, hand on your forehead to tilt your chin up and give him full access to the skin of your neck. his other hand is pinning your wrist to whatever surface is behind you, and your own free hand is tangled in his hair and he lays wet, desperate kisses all over your neck and collarbone. that's all hahahahaha :)))) feeling so sane right now!!

[what-the-fic-khr]

Hiii Bronwyn I hope you are doing well ! :’) I’m wondering if you’d be up for writing something a lil cute and sweet and fun about Squalo discovering that his s/o has their nips pierced?? 👀 absolutely understandable if this doesn’t spark any inspiration tho bc ahdjshdjfhd I am truly just So Down Bad for any squalo content atm💀 thank you for your time and consideration !! 🖤

WEEEE HI THIS HAS SAT FOR A WHILE BUT NOT AS LONG AS LTHERS. STILL IM SORRY HELLO I BRING YOU THIS. IDK IF IT FITS CUTE SWEET AND FUN BUT HERES WHAT I COULD GET OUT AT LEAST I HOPE ITS OKAY (I might write more based on it?? 👉🏻👈🏻)

character/s: superbi squalo, reader-insert (gender-neutral)

word count: 661

warnings: talkin’ about nipple piercings but doesn’t mention body type, so gender neutral. suggestive at the end lol

prompt: squalo learns his partner has nipple piercings

It was getting too damn hot. God, he needed to invest in a fan or something. This shit was getting ridiculous.

“Hiiiii.”

Squalo glanced up shortly to acknowledge you entering his office, grunting lowly before returning to his paperwork.

“D’you need your hair put up?” You hovered around to fiddle with some things after handing him some papers, checking to see if his windows could open any further than they were. The answer was ‘no’.

“Huh? Whatever.”

Wasn’t a refusal, so you shuffled over to carefully pull his hair up. It wasn’t the neatest, not by a long shot, but it got the majority of his hair off of his shoulders and out of his face. His brows furrowed; he didn’t have his jacket on and neither did you, but something hard was brushing against his back when you moved. He dropped it when you stepped away.

“Alrighty, good to go. Good luck with that.”

He grumbled something, nodding shortly. You went to leave with a hum, and he watched you closely, eyeing you over until finally the silhouette of your shirt changed just the slightest.

“Pause.”

You did, freezing in the centre of the room. You glanced at him curiously. “Yep? Somethin’ wrong?”

His eyes narrowed at you and you huffed a little at the attention on your chest.

“It’s way too warm for that right now, sorry-“

“Shut up, idiot, that’s not what I’m doing. Stay still.”

You did. You tried, at least, when he stood and rounded his desk to advance on you. You took a physical step back when he brushed a knuckle over one of your nipples, the two of you quiet.

“What the fuck? Since when did-“

“Oh!” You pet your chest with a pleased hum. “I just don’t have them in when I’m doing work, and you usually catch me in uniform. Ain’t no way I’m leaving this place today, so I figured I’d wear them for once. It’s been a while!”

This seemed to get the cogs turning in his head for a few seconds, and you would’ve laughed if not for the surprised noise you made when he reached straight for the hem of your shirt.

“W-Wait, you just said-“

“Show me.”

“What?! Right now?!”

“Is there a problem with that?”

You glanced past him at his window warily before tilting your head back to check his door, listening closely for if anyone was walking by. When silence met your ears you relented and lifted your arms to accomodate for him pulling your button down up and over your chest.

“Cute, right? I spent a lot on them; real crystals and all!” You chimed, proud of your taste in body jewellery. “It’s a shame I can’t wear em’ as often as I used to.”

“Used to?” Squalo’s brows furrowed. He’d been with you for a while now, at least over a year and a half, but had not heard of or seen them once until now.

“Oh, I’ve had ‘em since I could legally get them. So, a pretty long time ago. I just had to stop wearing them for safety when I started doing more physical work.”

Well, it made sense, but god that fucking sucked. They looked good on you.

Squalo slowly lifted his gaze up to you and you smiled, head tilting cutely. “Yep?”

You huffed, stumbling backwards until your back met his door when he pushed you across his room by the chest, leaning in, chest to chest. You gasped a little, Squalo wrapping his fingers around your chin and lifting your head.

“It’s still way too warm, but eventually I gotta get all this sweat off of me. Let me see them better later in the shower after work.”

Your breathing had picked up and your head was getting foggy. You nodded the best you could with his fingers holding your head in place.

“Good. Now get lost.”

“Ah… Sure.”

You needed a drink. A cold one.

[ritzcuit]

the fun thing about datz anxiety abt his own feelings and hiding them from dhurke is that it means hes afraid of dhurke and wants to keep something away from him, which is not the case in literally any other scenario (well not 99.9% of them anyway)

i think hes Pretty Quiet about certain things but theres a difference between just not wanting to be a bummer vs "if he finds out i love him im going to Lose Everything" (an idea he came up with entirely on his own)

i mean its also. normal! people are shy about their crushes and Good Things are hard to come by. getting romantically involved would be so so so dangerous. this is all so delicate... but datz cant kill his feelings so the best he can do is hide them and make sure Dhurke Never Finds Out. which, again, is a total 180 compared to his usual (probably) habit of like... sharing his happiness with dhurke. you know?! he loves dhurke. thats his best friend. someone who makes him so so happy.. they share good moments together. in order to survive The Horrors. but bc of this... his best moments, nights where dhurke reclines against him and doesnt seem so weighed down by everything, for example... that true happiness has a tarp covering it, so that dhurke might not catch on. this of course makes him feel guiltier for deriving too much joy from innocent monents ... which, its datz, and in any other situation he loves getting the wrong idea from things, like a wretched raccoon, but he respects dhurke so much.

like if you used widget to interrogate datz... asking him about something something... thered be an out of place anxiety there.. and someone would misread it as Omg datz is actually scared of him! wow! but really. datz is just so so scared of Losing Him.

or a confession except its not a confession, not a great one, bc its more like... a confession (guilty) a confession (im in trouble.) and dhurke doesnt have any clue why its coming out that way. datz looks like a kicked puppy! and its just Weird bc dhurke thought they were having like, an honest man to man moment, but datz looks like he fucked up insanely bad... and *thats* not great, having your partner in all things who seems to completely lack shame, look ashamed to have feelings for you 😭 he can take it as a hit to his ego, but hes far more worried that hes actually given datz reason to feel this way. did he ever make it seem like he'd be disgusted by such a thing?! love is love datz, he'd never judge-

and ofc datz is like WWWWAIT NO NOT LIKE THAT. IDONT TBINK YOURE HOMOPHOBIC 😭LMAOOO But like ARGHHH its just soooo fun to me. this odd screwy life hes built with dhurke is like. his treasure. its just enough to be by his side... his heart is racing but not in a good way, more in a panicked animal way, as he feels like hes going to lose this treasure. that dhurkes gonna push him away for a million reasons. not least of all the AAAACTIVE MAARIAGE! datz torn between the urge to explain, because it kills him to see dhurke thinking for a second that its His Fault, but also not wanting to explain anything bc every word out of his mouth is damning..

and meanwhile dhurkes just... truly gobsmacked... lmaooo but i think he hits datz with that. what. youre worried ill deny you? im more worried that i couldnt possibly deserve you. are you kidding me? after everything youve done for me! BC THAT PARTTT. datz is worried this was all a fluke and temporary and never meant to last this long but dhurke sees datz as the only reason this lasted so far. he would have lost it years ago without datz by his side... so to see datz think that dhurke would cast him aside so flippantly, is...

well clearly dhurke has to set the record strait...!! (by KISSING HIM A WHOLE LOT!!!!!) Or at the very least holding datz still and reaffirming a million times that hes invaluable and dhurke considers his presence a treasure... GAH!! because theyre BEST FRIENDS!! But really its the. lingering fear of it all.. dhurke realizing that datz seems genuinely afraid to admit such a thing and its so weird bc datz isnt afraid of Like Anything.

so he really must be serious about this... dhurke could take it personally but he knows better. and also hes . kind of stunned that he didnt realize these feelings before but suddenly a Lot Of Things Are Making Sense

ive rhought about this like 50million times and ill think about it 20284740 more. GODDD

[puckdoll]

2024 Writing Roundup

i was tagged by @cuprun! thank you so much for the tag, reflecting on this past year's writing was a treat

i posted a total of 39 fics this year, which i definitely think is the most i have ever posted in a single year. not all of its good, but im glad i actually got back into the groove of writing somewhat

FEBRUARY

all the same people who scold you (dont deserve to hold you) • sid/geno some of these fics im really going to have nothing to say for them because they were either written for someone else as a prompt or were apart of a fic challenge, so it's not like i put a lot of thought/effort into them? for these first two fics, they were a part of a much bigger fic that i knew i was never going to finish, so i edited them so they'd be able to work as standalones.

thank goodness for the gossip that gets us through the day • sid/geno another standalone that i cut off from that much bigger fit. i love exploring the way a family has to deal with rumors, especially about parentage, and i felt like this series in particular was a good one to do it with.

MARCH

drooling and waiting • sid/geno this starts the first of the prompts for mpreg march! not a lot of creativity to be had this month imho because i was given a prompt and just wrote something for it. writing pregnant g masturbating was very fun though

help me out • sid/geno who doesn't love a little bit of emotional distress and being taken care of by your lovely partner?

touch my skin • yadi/waino i didn't want to just write sidgeno for this entire month, so i ventured off to some of my ships that have less fic. also false heat is SUCH a good trope.

never a tear • sid/geno more baby of mine! but this time dealing with miscarriage. it was a part of sid and geno's story that i always wanted to touch but had never gotten the chance to until this fic.

exquisite taste • leon/connor just a silly little thing, trying to publish something happy instead of just the constant angst. also, leon being irritated by something as little as the wrong chips made me giggle.

your skin glitters in the dark • flower/kris stripclub + stripping + pregnant + lapdances + cross-dressing. this fic was self indulgent for me and me only

idol • jagr/kris no one else seemed like they were going to write jagr/kris, so i took advantage. i love sleazy jagr taking advantage of kris' starstruckness.

and its like the fog has lifted • sid/geno, jake/tristan more baby of mine, but i wanted to look at the future. jake growing up, having his own family, some of the stressors that'd happen. was v happy with this one.

imma mess up (oh!) • ricky/petey i need silly ricky/petey in my life i swear!!!! its the only fic in the tag which is a damn shame bc theyre so cute and work so well

sweet and condensed • geno/mario, sid/geno this is by far my favorite fic i wrote for mpreg march. sleazy mario fucking geno, geno being manipulated to come to america, sid not being able to get too close to geno because he wants to fuck him so bad. just, hits all my buttons.

for as long as you'll need me (i'll be here) • nolan/goldy nolan/goldy my beloveds!!!! i had to write something for them during this too, and what better than steppign up? i wanted this to be so much longer, but unfortunately i ran out of time.

be sweet to me (but you wont) • flower/penguins, flower/sid young flower is so pretty, i needed him debauched by the pens and baby sid doing something because he thinks its for the good of the team and his leadership, not necessarily for himself or for flower.

i'll take care • sid/geno omega geno is the being we all need in life and im tired of acting like its not!!!! so a continuation of that

a dream is a wish your heart makes • jamie/tyler wanted to explore some other ships so jamie/tyler!!! they were fun to write, but i dont necessarily think i caught their characterization good in this.

take what you want from me (but not that) • sid/geno goofy fic again. i literally had no other idea for this fic, so geno kidnapping alex l. who knew by the end of the year id want geno fucking kris.

roommates with benefits • kris/ek, kris/poj the way i desperately needed ek getting cucked!!! and poj fucking his parental figure. like yes hello help that man out

baby mine (don't you cry) • sid/geno more baby of mine! i feel like at some point i started just making these baby of mine to just give it to the people who like that au, not necessarily because i really enjoyed it

the places that feel right • kris/ek my first foray into trying to write kris consistently. it was not very good but i cherish her <3

punished for the sins of others • nolan/freddie, nolan/goldy there was no winner's room brpf so i decided to fix that!!! also i cant stand freddie and i cant stand the way the series happened, so what better than making him a little evil bastard

APRIL

leon the second • leon/connor the first of my locked tomb au!!! i have written parts of the other (there was going to be a total of nine fics) but my mind got distracted and i have yet to finish another. leon the second was really fun to write though, so i hope people enjoy it as much as i do.

still you take up my mind • sid/geno this was a fic that had been sitting in my wip folder since contractgate and i finally got the inspo to finish it bc i decided to fully go in on the manipulator/asshole sid part of it. im not fuilly happy with how it turned out, but im glad that i was able to finally get it out of my wip folder!!

MAY

felt like a new man • willson/sonny this fic is still insane. i still cannot believe Sonny Gray Himself went into the locker room between innings and stripped down naked and changed into a new uniform because he was That Superstitious. so ofc i needed to write handies for it

looks good on you • nolan/goldy one of the many prompt suggestions from lucy!!! just some good old tender goldynado during a season from hell

burning beneath my skin (awaiting your touch) • burly/donnie inspired by another video!! its one of burly chasing donnie around while he's mic'd up and donnie stubbornly refuses to say anything. ofc smut must occur.

whats a home without you • yadi/waino some (two years late) feels for bader <3 i still hate that they traded him, my beloved golden haired child.

JUNE

all you have is your fire • nolan/goldy this was originally supposed to be a longfic to get elliott into baseball, but i couldnt do it :') so some vague dubious consent + heat sex had to do

JULY

to be alone with you • sonny/willson god i will never forget that video of willson getting injured and how it activated the primal urge in me to make a deeply emotional fic between him and sonny, plus also tying it into a fic i had written the year before.

wet in my hand and between the cheeks • brandon/masyn more prompts! i love rookies bullying veterans into sex

dream a little dream of me • nolan/goldy consensual somno+wet dreams? hand it ovvveeerrr. i think july and march were just my smut months bc i wrote sooo much smut.

in over my head • lance/ivan i just realized i wrote two fics where rookies bully the shit out of big long-haired veterans and i cannot help but say thats what i want more of in life. bully that old man

catch me when i fall • yadi/waino more smut!!! old men fucking!!! yadi calling the shots!!! i need to write more of this bc my brain will never be satiated.

jupiter sun • willson/sonny public sex + reunion sex makes me go nuts. also love it when a guy just gets all dribbly and incoherent bc he's just getting fucked too well.

AUGUST

relax and let me in • willson/sonny free use baby!!! the dynamic between a pitcher and a catcher could just be so special.

born anew, bathed in rays of gold • nolan/goldy horror fic! this was something i wrote of in a fit of rage and i wish that more people were into brpf + horror fic bc i think its really good. goldy basically Comes Back Wrong and i adore it.

SEPTEMBER

you in my reflection • burly/donnie insecurities plus bottoming for the first time?? count me tf in. ntm burly is a Big Boy (they dont call him burly biscuit for nothing) and i just love donnie being in control.

OCTOBER

interlude [adieu] • kris/geno my beloved interlude <3 i think ive given up on a fic per game bc i got so far behind that i just couldn't catch up, but i think ill continue to update when i have inspo. i just feel bad in a way because its 1) not proofread and 2) not the greatest bc i was just trying to write without thinking. some of the chapters are probably extremely cringy, but idc!!! krisgeno baby!!!

NOVEMBER

scale dance • kris/geno i love me some good ol' monster fucking!! also geno being so enamored with kris' other side he desperately wants him in him despite their bodies not exactly being compatible. also kris as a dragon hybrid lives rent free tbh

this was a fun reminder that i had actually written a lot this year, and that i wasnt sitting around and not being productive. i was at least doing something, and it was a well-needed reminder.

i tag @theflirtmeister @barkovsasha and @hischiersjohnston

[lovinggreeniehours]

HEY! you should tell me about your dungeon meshi s/i and the connections to your f/os :3 im starving waiting for season 2 as an anime only..

mission accepted!!!!! 🫡 (FOR REAL THOUGH,,i miss the sillies :( i miss them a lot)

for a little surface level spoiler-free introduction: this is red :)

he's a mage(?) that the rest of the party meets on level 2 of the dungeon. due to his unique magic skills, and uncanny knowledge about the dungeon and its floors, the party accept him as a guide of sorts to aid in falin's rescue!

what they have not realized is that red isn't even human. instead, a seemingly one-of-his-kind special kind of monster leading them into the dungeons for his own amusement. what red didn't expect though is that. um. they ate the monsters actually. well damn

now he has to follow them!

(but oh nooo,,, what's this,,,, he's starting to CARE about them???? no,,, impossible,,,,,, now he's afraid they'll hate him forever if they find out about his secret,,,, whatever shall he do D:)

:)

so relationships!

laios is his closest relationship! he was red's first real friend in a very long time, and despite red's best efforts, the funny tallman ended up worming his way into his heart very very easily. he's very honest, and sees the world from a very different lens that most other adventures he's encountered, which red finds fascinating. and his intrigue, in turn, makes him more tolerant and encouraging of laios's silliness and unorthodox methods compared to the other party members. they are so ride or die with each other it's insane (and they get together later on at the end but sshh irrelevant)

red respects senshi a lot. he's watched senshi for a while, but never approached him. maybe helping from the sidelines once in a while. but he was there the whole time senshi was alone in the dungeon. red's seen how he lives with it and takes care of it, and seeing as red feels his own connection to the dungeon, it touches him. not that he'd admit it

he has to be cautious with chilchuck. he's the most suspicious of them. but at the same time, red finds it really funny to mess with him. he's lowkey so mean and annoying to him 😭 so chilchuck dishes that energy back, until it eventually falls into routine. and boom. that's their friendship

but marcille makes him very curious. she seems the most well put together of them all, and yet there's something very off. he can't really pinpoint what

he meets falin very little times in the plot, which is a shame 🥹 they get along quite swimmingly i think,,

he treats izutsumi largely like the rest of the party does. little girlie that scritches sometimes. he is way more careful than them though 😭 seeing as he isn't human and can't revive, her scratches have the possibility of really harming him. but he understands her (he can't tell her that though. as usual). she reminds him of his younger self when he was first going around the dungeons

bonus for kabru because that man is funny. these two are hilarious because their approaches are so similar. acting all friendly and charming to catch people off guard and gain their trust. but it's like 😭 they're both observant. kabru INSTANTLY knows something is going on with red. and he's going to prove it. WATCH HIM (you can't bc red knows that he knows and he's making a game out of it. he's been doing this for years. good luck little guy) they quarrel in that lowkey fruity anime way that makes you question why they're not making out instead. making out would've fixed them ngl

bonus bonus for mithrun. he tries to kill red many times. for obvious reasons. it's just funny to me idk. i kin that guy hdshgsghj

i think that should be about it for basic information? i hope this was understandable or comprehensive enough :) and that whoever reading this had fun while reading jdsjgdh thank youu

warning for manga spoilers now! i read all of it, and red's lore uses a lot of story beats from it as well so✨️ i thought i'd leave all the spoilery bits at the bottom at least so everything is complete

red's backstory is very long 😭 i will try and summarize

red is a human-made monster formed from magic and grief (and demon. yes the lion/goat/that kind. you know the bitch). he is over 900 years old at least, so his conception was forever ago

the body he inhabits is that of a powerful mage's dead child. the mage brought him into what would be later known as the dungeons and opened a rift to access the "infinity" that the demons possess

red's soul, so to speak, is a portion of that infinity forcibly cut off, turning him finite in a sense. but not human

the mage dies immediately after his success, leaving a little growing red to wander the underground space for centuries

so technically speaking. his body is of an elf's. his soul (technically) is "demon" in a way. the only certainty is that he is an anomaly. he was never supposed to exist, and yet he does. now he has to grapple with the consequences of his own life :) i love dramatic themes

red has been close to other adventurers before as a child, but they ended up the reason why red stopped trusting humans at all 😭 the adventuring party sent to search for the mage that brought red to life. they took him in briefly, and promised to take him back to civilization with them. until esper started growing his horns and tail. until they connected the dots and realized red's influence on their journey in the dungeon, keeping them alive. they could only conclude that he must've been a monster of some kind, got afraid, and left him

we're not talking about the lion. we hate the lion. laios should've eaten me instead 🙄 /hj

[ultimatehealersusie]

as you might have seen i did end up playing a littttle more deltarune today

- jackenstein is a cutie patoot... i beat the second attempt fight by burning my tensionmax AND tensiongem before getting to any of the harder maze segments hahaha

- Gerson is a great teacher for susie 🥺 what a damn shame he's usually... yknow... dead...

- the little cups are cute.... and so are the holy water spirit girls

- The climbing mechanic is super fun, i really like it :)

- Kris sitting down for a moment and playing the piano... it's pretty.... it's sweet... i love them

- the big bells in the background are cool too

- Gerson, as previously stated, rocks. is he the secret boss? am i actually fighting one of those? its obviously like an optional fight but idk if its "YOOOO YOU FLIPPED THE SWITCH AND DID A BACKFLIP INTO THE BACKROOMS" levels of secret i feel like id expect from spamton neo or jevil

- but anyways his design fucking rocks, i knew it i knew we'd see his hammer of justice!!

- his fight being the green arrows heart gimmic... just a fight w/susie.... not letting me heal unless i use her healing spell?! BASED BASED BASED

- it may take me several tries bc i keep thinking the arrows are gonna go backwards bc theyre yellow before they ping but by god im gonna give it my all mr old man

[zukkacore]

🌤️ & ☔ !!

🌤️Share your favorite piece of dialogue from your WIP.

okkk so this is cheating b/c this is actually. From an old draft of If You Want Divinity that was way darker. But I might reconstitute it for a new thing b/c I do.... like it, it just didn't fit with the tone:

“Or is this all a… What do you call it? A leap of faith?” He grabs Porter by the hair, pulling his head back so that he’s forced to look him in the eye. “Was there ever a moment you doubted my devotion?” His other hand wraps nicely around Porter’s throat, resting pretty. “Or did you always know I would choose you?” A Message. I can feel everything. All your rage, your shame, your desire, your lovely desperation. Your envy… Does that frighten you? To know you can never hide from me again? It must be some sort of miracle for him to actually intimidate Porter, but rage emboldens him. He’s kept two people under his skin so long that the company is comforting. You don’t have the guts. “You sure?” says Jace. A beat. Do it. His grip slackens.

I am gonna count Message as dialogue :')

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

I have a couple that I'm not sure if I'm gonna finish or go for. A lot of these are kinda ambitious which i used to take on with gusto but i do have a problem with abandoning shit (and delayed gratification) so the idea of committing myself to a big piece is like. Maybe.... maybe.... At the same time, i am that kind of ambitious person, short things are not normally what i do. I have a few ideas that are not the most fleshed out:

I do genuinely really like the idea of doing a You've Got Mail rival academies AU but i also know that would probably take a tone of work and i'm like..... ughhhh. But i think they could do the hate to love thing. Its the Nora Ephron n Meg Ryan collab i think is the most fitting for the two of them (although if there was a when harry met sally (evil version) Take..... maybe)

Vaguely a timeloop au sounds fun. I LOOOOVE a timeloop. and have been wanting to write one for forever but i don't have a strong Vision on it right now. Don't know if its a timeloop to change what happened kind of timeloop or a timeloop to realize you can never go back kind of timeloop. There's also the Timeloop as Redemption angle that i think is fun, that's the groundhog day thing that's the happy death day thing and i think there's precedent of it being like. a Chronomancy thing. Aguefort subject these bitches to a timeloop so you can put them back on your payroll im begging you

Althought time loop purgatory also goes hand in hand with my joke that Porter and Jace should be subjected to a Bad Place Elmville as hell punishment. A vaguely inspired Good Place AU would be really funny i think. Again, it's too formless for me to know what to do with it. I don't actually think it should be that they think they're in The Good Place, i think the trick should be they're convinced ankarna gave them a second shot at life so now they life in elmville only everything is shifted slightly to the left bc its a pocket hell dimension meant to torture them. Like Chidi and Eleanor, oops they fell in love. Again. This is formless.

ALSO kinda goes hand in hand with my joke abt Ankarnatown i made a while back like Jace fetching Porter from hell??? no notes. But like. damn i gotta make it myself?? That sucks

I honestly sincerely might write some zara/clones or lucilla/clones stuff. That ones purely and indulgence. Purely just for me. I wanted to include a small zara/jace throughline or a lucilla/j2 implication in Almost but it just like. Did not have the air for that i just felt like it didn't fit for the tone it just kinda was detracting (as much as zarajace making porter jealouse wouldve been fun) and just in there for me b/c i like Persephades Orphydice

Again this is formless. All i'm gonna say is i drew a gamechanger au. and now i think the idea of Aguefort subjecting his staff to gameshows for personal enrichment is so funny. Aguefort heaven is porter hell its a very efficient system

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time! I AM BEHIND. tuesday we watched voy's "message in a bottle" and ds9's "who mourns for morn?" thursday we did ds9's "far beyond the stars" and last night we did voy's "hunters" and ds9's "one little ship."

message in a bottle (voy):

THIS ONE WAS SO EXCITING.............

i know vaguely how voyager ends because i have an internet connection but im still like omg omg omg theyre MAKING CONTACT WITH EARTH omg omg

like the whole episode i was so sure something would happen and they would get close but make no progress bc thats been the name of the game so far but THEY DID IT!!!

the emh was great here too. it was fun to see him next to someone who is basically who he used to be. that said, i didn't love who they cast for the other emh...i think it would have been more fun if it had been another zimmerman look alike or. better yet, julian bashir. julian bashir in this episode would have made it PERFECT

seven of nine shocking that guy was amazing. everyone say thank you to seven of nine for finding the communications relay

i get where b'elanna is coming from w seven but like............b'elanna is easily the rudest person on this ship. and i dont hold that against her i know where she is coming from but its hard to see her go damn seven youre rude when she is always snapping at everyone lskdjfgh

that said: Girl Fight

anyway "60k lightyears feels a little closer today" i welled up fr. great job everyone

who mourns for morn? (ds9):

i think i owuld have liked this episode a lot better if it didn't come so close to the magnificent ferengi episode...it's like very typical quark shenanigans and even though he IS my best friend now i don't think this was his best episode. he spent this whole episode just like...trying to do shenanigans and get money which is fine but it's all v surface level stuff. season 3 esque, if you will. the other episode had way more substance to it

that said, i love morn as a like bit character and i love that we found out increasingly improbable and fantastic things about him - cat burglar is almost as good as secret prince

even better when he got back and quark was like DON'T SAY A WORD after we've been talking about how talkative he is all episode and we have not heard him utter a single word in six seasons. incredible

i also like the two aliens who talked really slowly. very fun on-screen presence.

odo giving quark shit in this episode was also pretty good. like he was doing absolutely nothing illegal and odo literally didn't have anything better to do than harass him. E QUARK!

far beyond the stars (ds9):

this episode.

it is such a shame that avery brooks never did anything major outside of ds9. like, a handful of made for tv movies and that's IT?? ik i keep saying this but the man should have been an a-lister. holy fuck. he is SO talented it's insane

i was kinda hoping this guy was sisko's ancestor - that somehow for some reason the prophets were torturing him with visions too? but the fourth wall thing was really good too. and it also freaked me out i love a good fourth wall break <3

outside of the plot of this episode being good, the acting from everybody was phenomenal, but again, ESPECIALLY avery brooks...why can't tng and voyager holodeck episodes be like this?? jesus christ. like this had almost nothing at all to do with ds9 and i still loved it

aside from that, what a treat to see everybody out oft he makeup. some people i recognized ONLY by their voices. we had to pause and rewind several times to focus on what they were actually saying because we were so shocked at how different they looked, and in odo's case, sounded!

anyway, 10/10 episodes. bonus points for the fake jadzia going "oh my gawd she's got a wooorm in her belly" and giggling in disgusted delight <3

hunters (voy):

NEWS FROM HOME THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!!!!! i SAID everybody say THANK YOU to seven of nine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was so sure harry wasnt gonna get a letter i was shocked when it finally did come in

tom not getting his letter but knowing one was sent vs b'elanna having no one who loves her enough to send a letter but still learning all her friends are dead...i was glad she gave him a reality check but at the same time...they do kind of work. both of them left behind such shit situations that their lives actually IMPROVED once they got to the delta quadrant and that is Something. semi-reluctantly, i now get it

TUVOK'S A GRANDFATHER......................we've been speculating about his babies and potential grandbabies for 3.5 seasons and now we finally have some ANSWERS!!!!! this is obviously his first grandson but i would still love to know how old the rest of his kids are...i doubt theyre like Babies but young adults? older teens? no one tell me i want to find out on my own

thuh-rilled that janeway finally got dumped by mark. absolutely baffled as to why she and chakotay talked it over like that if they weren't gonna be endgame...when tf did they decide to get him with seven instead? like i don't object because then i don't have to pick between jc and j7 i guess but what the fuck?? it makes no sense. i'm not really Seeing jc7 in my mind palace yet but i'm trying

one little ship (ds9):

this one was so funny. spend an entire episode struck by the lighting bolt from mario kart

o'brien being like saauuur preoccupied with his size also...hilarious. he wanted to kill julian every time he made a pun. don't worry o'brien your wife will understand

that said, really good when julian talked him through those repairs. i think it's easy to forget how fucking smart o'brien is but julian literally did not forget. he solved problems.

"fry every cell in my tiny body" or whatever tf julian said. his tiny, tiny body

when worf was worried about his wife but she came to save him but she was 1cm tall

sisko delaying the repairs was really good...i feel like he meets a jem'hadar and the first thing he tries to do is make them feel a sense of personhood so they can get angry about the injustice of their situation. like, it shows that he has empathy but it's also an incredibly effective tactic - people like as respect sisko as a captain and as someone who fights fairly, honorably, and effectively in battle, so they all hold his opinion in high regard - and the sitch with the jem'hadar is SO skeevy that like of Course they are mad about it. so he can pretty easily manipulate them if he plays his cards right which is? fun and sexy

bonus for kira becoming hysterical at the idea of o'brien and the others becoming that tiny. i think this is when he started to get insecure

edit: i did forget to say initially i really hated the use of "alphas" in this episode. it was very bad and i did not enjoy it any time they said it.

TONIGHT: voy's "prey" and ds9's "honor among thieves."

[forehead451]

crazy to me... it was always about control.

it was the day before my dads birthday. my parents were out on saturday like they always are and they often come home late in the evening. my sisters room was closed with curtains drawn so thats always the signal to leave her alone bc she works irregular hours often going to bed in the early morning or even midday. im not going to disturb her. its understood to assume she's sleeping unless she leaves her room.

its the mid afternoon, i head out to run errands and get my dads birthday gifts and card, flowers, etc. i eventually end up at Walmart bc it closes late. its after sunset atp but still nothing unusual. my mom called me while i was shopping earlier. she knows im at walmart doing birthday things for my dad.

now its almost 10pm. ive been relaxing in solitude in the car in parking lots in between stops. just enjoying my time away from the house bc i so rarely LEAVE.

i get a message from my sister.

now me being the frenzied shopper/low self-esteem sister who was feeling shitty bc had spoken too much about not liking my job at a dinner party a few nights before, immediately read her initial message as "*stop* telling people where you're headed as an adult. so nobody has to ask [further questions about why im unhappy/ungrateful]. it's rude and inconsiderate. because you're part of a household [meaning we're supporting you while you sit there complaining about your life and you reflect badly on us]".

im like "damn. you right, im not gonna fight you for the millionth time this month. i am ungrateful and immature."

then she follows with "act right dad is sad". dad.. is sad?? why? hes not usually one to take that kind of thing seriously or to heart... have i really let him down so badly???

then my working brain finally kicks in to read what she's actually saying. START telling people where im going. like an adult. okay, going where? why? to WHO?? the empty house?? am i to send a message in the groupchat to people who are 1) often asleep and unconcerned and 2) not home and won't read it til they get home plus usually id be back before theyd notice anyway? why would i do that.

so turns out its just my dad thinking I'm being murdered bc im out past sundown but just wants to whine about it and enjoy being dramatic instead of just asking. bc i am a call away. bc he's not actually worried, he just wishes i was hanging out with him.

so i tell her mom knows where i am and she says oh feeling dumb then comes back again to hammer home her righteous point:

here's the real issue she has with this situation:

shes pissed bc she thinks im out in the city with my friends and gone for the night or the weekend or whatever and not at home working with her when what's ACTUALLY happening is me doing mundane errands at the plaza less than ten minutes away as i ALWAYS AM and thinking about our dads birthday the next day. she's pissed that she thought i was having fun without her permission and the lack of control over me made her livid.

you cannot tell from these texts but i know how she types and what she'd think was even worthy to waste time talking or messaging about. and to be made wrong or having me stand by my actions, she is PISSED.

it really seems so banal but im telling you. its such a perfect example of how much she hated not having a say in what i did and how long and when after half a year of it. it really sent chills down my spine while also making my blood boil right back.

it scares me how much a switch was flipped the moment she realized she was losing control over me. she couldn't scream or scare or shame me into fucking anything.

[momspotatosalad]

i cant believe im 21 and i can now drink alcohol legally. im waiting for my license so i can buy. im 21 and ive done nothing with my life damn its over for me. anyways!!!! thinking about making a neocities website to talk about my fav charactres

idk if i am unable to grow up because of my circumstances or if its because im the issue... i think it is the latter. IM THE PROBLEM. i have been thinking if im a lesbian or not.. i mean its normal to feel some shame and dread when u think about how u dont act urself with a guy, like am i acting this way because hes a guy and i genuinely like him or is it as the female sex, i have yet to break out of the mentality that i make myself appealing to the man - regardless if im attracted to him or not

and i just feel like a guy wont ever be able to appreciate me properly, i cant tell if its because ive read and heard many people's experiences with their bfs and they're al like questionable people or what. idk i just dont think i can ever act myself with a dude and tbh i feel like most of the time when guys do talk to me its bc ive never been with anybody. i dont want to give myself up bc im just sm to take - which i hate. idk why theres just so much importance in this kind of shit but this has been a discussed topic before so idk why im bothering talking about this..

also! thinking about getting back into writing and art!!! i want to write so much things about hidan and kakuzu and naruto OH IVE BEEN WATCHING NARUTO .. im like 200 episodes in, im taking a break because ive binged a lot last week and i need to give myself a rest and not let the show consume me. but its been really fun, i think about my favorite charactres and i get so happy!!!! and now i can reblog fanart of my favs and read ff on ao3 and tumblr! yipeee! now i have to think whether or not its worth it to spend 6 dollars on a poorly assembled bagel

[k0sk1]

RANT: tumblr feminism sucks

everytime i see someone complaining abt girl dinner or girl math on this god damn website i wanna gauge my eyes out. LET WOMEN LIVE. LET THEM RECLAIM ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS PPL HAVE BEEN CALLING THEM AND TELLING THEM THEY ARE. STOP. WE ARE NEVER GONNA BEAT SEXISM IF YOU GET MAD WHEN WOMAN DO SOMETHING. FUCK OFF.

and i dont mean that you should shame women that dont like that, women that dont like being feminine and that dont like shopping or starbucks. what i mean is woman cant do SHIT. If youre too girly people will say youre perpetrating mysoginy and if youre too masculine people call you slurs and call you a pick me. If you like shopping and so you use it as analogy for math and shit you have to stop bc its mysoginystic, if you understand math and like it people will say youre trying to hard and that youre boring. Youre either crazy or cute, you either like fights or make up. You cant just live your life as a woman, because all the time, no matter what you do, youre wrong.

All the time, youre blamed for things that you never did, blamed for having fun, for liking what you like, and tumblr "feminists" will say you have to stop it bc youre just doing what the patriarchy wants you to do. The patriarchy wants me to be miserable, the patriarchy wants me to not be aware of the awful place im in. Do you think sexist men are happy seeing woman be confident in their femininity, their "shallowness", be confident in doing things that they see as less???? Do you think they want woman to be AWARE of their vanity and like it??? Take pride in it??? Are you fucking STUPID????

This just the barbie situation all over again. She was made by a woman, for young women, to be a symbol of strenght for them but people hate women so much that anything that resembles a woman will get blamed for everything, even mysoginy. Instead of focusing on, you know, the amount of men that are starting to act as horrible as they want, the rise of the redpill and incel movements, you people decide to complain about women doing what they like, acting how they want to. I'm so fucking tired of not being allowed to be myself because I'm either a dyke or a slut. I'm either a pick me or perpetrating mysoginy. I don't know if you've noticed, but you being so judgemental of 'women simply existing as they wish is not "fighting the patriarchy" or "being a feminist", you're doing exactly what those men want. Shut the fuck up and let people live.

[theannoyingmosquitoinyourroom]

replying to ur questions in the tags in a reblog bc i feel like its gonna be a lot of text lmao (more under cut)

the call of cthuluh games were some rpg games harlan ran with some of his friends a bunch of years back. there's multiple of them, all happening in the same universe. malevolent, while not an rpg, is also taking place in this universe, and sometimes calls back to some of these games and what happened in them, such as for example with the mansion in part 2, and the whole shub-niggurath subplot thingie. i believe you can find these games to listen on the invictus stream podcast, and also on youtube

now onto the patreon: the public malevolent episodes are actually built from 5 smaller, around ten-minute episodes. on the patreon, every week, one of these smaller episodes come out and the patrons can listen to them. the (good) catch is that for 4 out of these five episodes, the patrons get to choose on something arthur will do next, for example in part 40, one of the choices was to either follow larson or follow the grand vizier. (as harlan said, these choices dont alter the ultimate fate of the podcast, but they do lay out a damned good story). the fun bit is that you can join the discord (you can join it w/o patreon as well btw, theres a lot of fun discussions about theories and ideas n shit) and discuss the poll options w other voting patreons! (one thing that i love about that as well is that everyone is there to have a good time and they are so genuinely nice and understanding and even when people have differentiating opinions they are so fucking respectful and polite about it its insane) (if youre interested in the discord, u can find the link of the website i think, and if you cant find it jsut dm me and ill send it (<- this applies to anyone reading this))

there's multiple patreon tiers, for 5 dollars a month u get to listen but not vote, and for 10 dollars u get to vote in the polls as well + u get commentary tracks from harlan for each malev episode up until part 8 or 7 (i cant remember which one was the last one lmao). harlan said he wants to do one for each malevolent part, so the rest r upcoming. theres also some extra non-canon content that is just super fun to listen to (trust me its a joy to listen to those) (also the weekly patreon chapters are moderated by the booth entity we call "booth john" (or bj) (because he sounds like john but isnt (also he is such a bitch i love him hes totally worth it)))

then theres also higher up ranks but im not entirely sure what they entail cuz im not part of those but i think i heard you can get a personal recorded message from any characters out of malevolent but also dice shame (dnd podacst in which harlan, his partner and freinds play together), as well as some blooper reels and some other content (idk youll have to look it up for more info, sry)

I just caught up on malevolent and I need MORE😭