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#and its a huge source of comfort to me
brainrot-stitch · 2 months
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Ough
#vent post#why can i not. look tbe way i wwnt#starts violently biting adn tearing at the fabrics arounf me#what the.freak!!!#ehy does everything always hurtall the time#tweaking out#gang the demons are getting my ass again#if i suddenly dropped dead that would fix me i think#i feel like such a fucking bitch for being unhappy with my weight because like. idk. is it fatphobic?? ive heard it be called that before#and also other ppl who have similar weights to mine are happy so. why should i not be#i giggle and i laugh and i joke but why am i actuayly like this browgat the freak#alsow hy am i soo fucked in the head#im like “teehee i just got silly as i grew!” HELL NAH. i was a lil fucked in the head as a KID😭😭😭😭😭#i remember going to bed one night and my mom was gonna read a chapter of a book to me and i specifically chose the torture chapter and it#caused a huge argument in the family#and i also drew SO MUCH GORE in elementary school#like girl😭🙏you have never been exposed to this. what is up with u#there are also a bunch of other instances but my vent art back then was also wild. as in more gore#now its just weirdly abstract with bright colors and a lota eyes#lots. lots of eyes.#whwre was i going with this#idk i hate my head. my little fucked up little brain#the way i think is crazy because emotions are usually depicted as scenes or images or feelings(its different than emotion trust)#and theres still blood. theres so much gory shit in my head. like girl get out of there!!! thats not where u belong!!!!!!#and then also the daydreams#ougghh the daydreams....#i hate the daydreams i wabt them to stop so bad but i physically cannot and also they r one of my few sources of comfort ESPECIALLY in#situations i cant get out of or distract myself in any other way#and sometimes its fine but also sometimes they fucking suck and its scary because im not here im THERE and so much shit happens there#lore drop
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40steps · 3 months
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hey i’m a mutual who dropped out in 7th grade and i just want u to know that things will be ok. i’m going back to school this year and like you can just stop either temporarily or permanently. i promise u it will be ok
:((( thank u so much this means a lot to hear . my plan has been to drop out for like two years at this point but i never really expected it to feel this much like a huge change even though it was always going to be. and my mother asked me if i just wanted to drop out when i told her i didn't want to go in today and it's sent me on a downward spiral. sorry for putting this on your dash board whoever is online and whoever saw it.
#ugh whatever sorry these tags r going to be so whiny don't look at them if u dont want to see that.#UGHHHEH its just so much. because at least having the option to have somewhere to go every day even if i never take it has been like.#almost some sort of comfort to me. because i don't want to sit around every day if it's not my choice to be doing so.#but i've never had a job. i don't know how to write a resume i don't know how to answer interview questions i don't know anywhere that#would take me that i can get to on my own since i can't drive. but if i don't get a job. i'll be sitting around broke and miserable until#applications for the course i want open up. and i don't know how to do that. the more i think abt it today the more dropping out feels#like the best option but it doesn't make it feel less like the huge step i know it'll be. i don't have a life without school. it's the only#place i ever see my few irls. it's my one source of human interaction every week. what do i do if it's not there for the next#half a year. assuming i passed the test i needed to pass and also get into the course i want. i don't know.#and everythings in my favour!! everything is going for me!! i have it easier than so many kids at my school!#my mother is a teacher and she gets me so many of the things i need because she knows the system. literally two weeks ago she got it set up#so that i don't have to go to one of my classes because it was making me miserable and i was complaining abt it constantly.#and i just feel bad that all of her effort will have gone to waste? i know she's done everything she can but it still hasn't fixed my#hatred for the school system and i feel so bad. I DONT KNWO WAHT TO DO!!! IM GOING TO KILL MY SELF!!!#whatever what ever. i;m overreacting it's what ever
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earl-grey-love · 2 years
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Hey I'm going to be pretty MIA for a while due to some really bad circumstances irl. I don't know how long it will go on for, nor how much it will affect me in the future. But for now I will be pretty absent both on my blog and privately.
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flutteringfable · 5 months
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i dont talk about him much but i think everyone deserves to bear witness to my silly little guy. meet puppy, my oldest friend <3
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g0dlyunsub · 2 months
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make you mine.
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spencer notices that you’ve been skipping a few too many team socials.
pairing :: spencer x fem bau!reader
warnings :: romantic confessions, mentions of alcohol, mental health, hurt/comfort, plenty of fluff, spencer is a huge softie
word count :: 2.3k
author’s note :: don’t think i’ve written anything where reader and spencer confess their feelings for each other?? anyways here’s to more hurt/comfort 
accompanying song :: sugar by brockhampton
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“who’s up for drinks at o’keefe’s?”
a loud cheer erupts as the elevator doors open and reveals garcia standing in front of the entrance with a gleeful smile.
“count me in!” jj raises a hand and emily promptly follows suit. the two giggle as they lean in to embrace the tech analyst festively decorated with bright red jewelry.
when rossi declares the first round’s on me! the room breaks into an even louder celebration, whistles and applause sounding left and right.
moving past the crowd with a few happy chants of your own, you finally settle in your seat and stretch. sighing, you shuffle through the pile of case files sitting on your desk and stuff several into your shoulder bag. you tie up your hair and take out a pen from your pencil holder. once again exhaling with a deep sigh, you flip through the remaining manila folders, ready to document all of the evidence after today’s investigation.
“you’re coming, right?”
you crane your neck to your left to identify the source of the voice and see morgan, hands on his hips as he scans your face for your usual smile teeming with enthusiasm. you offer a feeble smile instead, shaking your head as you point to the case file you’re working on.
“i’d really love to, but… this paper isn’t going to write itself.”
“oh come on, not again. when’s it due?”
“tomorrow noon,” you mumble, gently rolling your head to the side to relieve the pain that’s been begging for release.
“you’re kidding. well, text me if you need a hand, or if you just want company.” morgan pats your back and turns around to leave, but not without first flashing you a wink. you watch as he slings his arm around garcia’s shoulder and as the rest of the team follow the pair out of the office, each giving you a wave before they disappear into the elevator.
“you’re not going?”
you turn around to see spencer, who’s just coming out of hotch’s office and holding a case file of his own. he turns off the lights upstairs and walks down the stairs, stopping once he’s in front of your desk.
“oh, um, no. i just need to finish writing this up really quickly, and then i’ll head back.”
you brush a strand of hair behind your ear and turn in your seat to get back to work, but spencer pulls up a chair beside you.
“that’s the third time in a row you’ve said no to them. you okay?”
you sit still for a second, unsure of how to respond. when spencer leans his elbow on the side of your desk, you know he’s not going to leave without an answer, so you look back at him hesitantly.
“yeah, i’m good. what’s keeping you here?”
“i just left a request to take two days off.”
“oh, nice. yeah, you seriously deserve a break,” you nod and offer a small smile. despite your friendly expression, the tiredness in your voice overrides your genuine words. before you can expose any more of your sluggish lethargy, you revert your attention back to your documents.
“yeah, and so do you.”
you turn to meet his gaze. a serious expression overtakes his usually lax face, tense facial muscles raising his brows and clenching his jaw.
you don’t know how to dispel the air of its building tension so you chuckle, playfully hitting him in the arm and shaking your head. “oh no, that’s- that’s not necessary. i’m fine, spence. besides, i took a break pretty recently.”
you rub your forehead tiredly as you speak and cock your head to the side, as if waiting for spencer’s dismissal so that you can get back to work.
“you haven’t requested a day off in 102 days. that’s 2448 hours.” spencer lowers his chin and studies you with his unwavering eyes. you feel your heart flutter alarmingly at his stare; you swallow slowly.
of course he’d be the one to count the days, no, the exact hour, since your last break. you try to play it off again by nudging him in the elbow, but he looks way too serious, concerned even. your arm hangs in the air with no warmth to latch on to.
“do you want to talk about it?” 
when spencer leans forward, you feel your throat run dry. holding your breath, you weigh your next words very carefully.
“spence, i’m fine. i don’t need the time off.”
“too late.”
“what?” your jaw sets uncomfortably when you hear spencer’s response, and a hint of amusement flickers in his eyes before he quickly narrows them.
“it wasn’t just my request that i submitted. i put in yours as well.”
“wait- wait what?” 
“yeah, hotch just wanted me to leave a physical copy for the sake of documentation. but he approved both of our requests before we even landed.”
“hold up… spence, you just… why would you do that?”
surprisingly, you don’t feel mad. yes, he’s just submitted a leave request without your permission, but maybe this is what you needed. someone to force you to take a break, because otherwise, you’d just work yourself to your death.
“like i said, you haven’t taken a leave in 102 days. constantly overworking yourself is detrimental and can lead to burnout because of the buildup of fatigue. in the long run, it can impair your memory and thinking. so,” he says as he grasps the pen out of your hand and closes your folder, “do you want to talk about it?”
as if he’s perfectly hit your pressure point, the tiredness you’ve been masking this entire time instantly unwinds. you let out a deep, weary sigh.
“you know, two weekends ago, when we went down to south carolina to investigate that case? and i stayed back for a few hours?”
out of the corner of your eye, you see spencer nod.
“well, i met up with a friend from college. we just hung out, you know, tried to catch up with each other.”
when you emit a stressed laugh, spencer reaches for your hand. he gently kneads your palm, and you take it as a signal to continue at your own pace. you turn your head to the side so you can take in the sight of him more fully.
“as we kept talking, i realized how she has so many friends, so much fun outside of her work. she’s even getting married in two months. and i just thought… i honestly wished for a second that she was a little more lonely, like me.”
you close your eyes, instantly regretting your confession. are you really making him listen to your childish concerns? you wish he’d laugh at you, dismiss it as plain stupidity and tell you that you were right to keep it to yourself. but he won’t, because he’s spencer reid.
spencer watches you intently, at how you force out a laugh and brush the tears that are welling up in your eyes. he observes the way you shake your head and refuse to look him in the eye.
“i’m so selfish, aren’t i? this whole thing–it’s so stupid. what am i saying, what am i even doing, wishing for something so foul?” your face crumples as you speak, and the words trail off into an absorbed mumble between your sniffles.
“it’s not stupid. you’re not selfish,” spencer hums quietly, lightly brushing his fingers against your cheek and dragging his thumb across your eyelashes to sweep your tears.
a strangled sob spills from your throat, and you lean into his touch, burying your cheek further into his palm. spencer waits patiently for you to recollect yourself, and coos a constant stream of it’s okay in your ear.
“at first, i thought it was the job, spence,” you finally utter your broken thoughts with a dry laugh, “but then i saw how everyone else was dealing with it. emily, jj, garcia. and then i realized, it’s me.”
spencer swivels your chair and draws you closer to him, so your thighs are lying between his legs. like a confused puppy, you let out a small yelp of surprise.
“you need to understand, y/n, that it takes time to find your rhythm, whether that’s at work, with your social life, or just a new place. so don’t compare yourself to others, because we’re all worried about something, and we’re all at different stages of coping.”
his longing glance breaches your lips, and you lower your eyes shyly. his soft-spokenness, undivided attention, and effortless verbal magic read your emotions like an open book. you don’t have to hide. the tears fall, fast and hard.
“let it all out. it’s okay. it’s always okay to cry, but you know what’s not okay? bottling it up all the time.” he pats your knees and rubs his palms across your trousers soothingly. 
“bottling your feelings constantly, it’s what psychologists call repressive coping. numerous studies have found that repressive coping has been linked to a less resilient immune system, higher vulnerability to cardiovascular disease, as well as proneness to certain mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression,” spencer continues while looking at you sympathetically with his soft brown eyes. 
slowly, you coil your arms around his neck and hold him in a tight embrace. 
“you’re not really fair, spencer, you know that?”
“what do you mean?”
“you can’t just cite all these cool facts when you speak. i don’t have an argument to toss back at you.”
spencer pulls away from the embrace slightly, and looks down at you with eyes full of mirth. he bursts into a small spate of giggles, and it’s contagious, because you also exhale a bubbly laugh.
“i can’t help it,” he breathes quietly, and the air that exits his lips tickles your eyelashes.
spencer continues to watch you with the same stare a sculptor would possess over a block of marble, and breathes warmth into your body. you finally let your arms loose and withdraw from the hug, grinning shyly.
“let me finish this report, and i’ll head back with you. what am i even going to do with the two days off anyways?” 
“i was thinking that we could check out the steam engine festival that’s happening downtown? the 611 is actually the sole surviving member of fourteen class j locomotives produced by the norfolk and western railway, and there’s going to be special excursions reserved for interested passengers.”
you laugh as spencer happily goes on his ramble, and you go back to writing your report – this time with a rejuvenated spirit.
“be honest, spence. you submitted my request because you wanted someone to go with you to this festival, didn’t you?”
“what? no!” spencer shakes his head, but your suspicions only grow when he starts fidgeting with his fingers.
“if you say so,” you grin cheekily, “but i could really use a drink tonight. you coming?”
spencer nods. he waits for you to finish up your edits and sign off the last page of the document, and helps you pack the rest of your belongings into your bag. with a boyish smile, he offers you his elbow, and you loop your arm in his. 
there’s a lot to be thankful for, a lot to be hopeful for, and a lot to love spencer for.
“spencer?” you ask quietly. spencer hums back in response. 
you don’t know why, but a sudden wave of confidence washes over you, urging you to say your next words without holding back.
“i like you.”
you thought your years spent concealing your feelings for spencer would have culminated in a much more formulated confession, but it’s too late to retrace your steps.  
almost immediately, spencer looks at you with widened eyes. you’re almost scared he’s going to abandon you and run away in a nervous flight, but he stays put, his cheeks flushing with the shade of deep red.
“y-you can’t be drunk already,” he stammers and then abruptly chuckles, making you wonder if he’s just attempted to respond to your confession with a joke.
but maybe you are drunk, drunk from the hazy feeling of love and the highs of spilling the emotional torrent earlier. you furrow your brows and fix your stare on the office floor.
“no, spencer, i like you as in i really like you. like, romantically.” 
spencer hesitates this time, moving only to press the elevator call button. you think you’ve just screwed up, right then and there, because his brows shoot up in surprise while his lips thin into a line. 
but then slowly, he smiles, his hazel colored eyes light up, and his gaze darts left and right excitedly. 
maybe all of the stars have aligned perfectly, because the air starts to collapse in on itself rapidly, and he stoops down to press a shaky kiss on your lips. it’s unlike anything you’ve ever shared with him, so different from when he hugs you, when he ruffles your hair, when he pats your back. it’s so tender and he leaves you to glow in the warmth of his lingering touch. 
it’s only after he does this that you realize that you’ve actually just confessed to your coworker, the man you’ve had a crush on for so long, the reason why you show up to work with a smile. before you can second-guess anything, spencer grabs your wrist and pulls you in. it starts with small pecks, but then he works up to a bigger kiss; by the time the elevator arrives, you’ve fully melted into his arms.
“2190 days.”
you look up to meet his blissful gaze with your own love-tainted eyes. “hm?”
“that’s the number of days that have passed since i first met you and started to work with you. i uh,” spencer swallows, toying with the strands on his leather bag nervously. 
he opens his mouth, only to shut it immediately after. he looks at you with a shy smile, the bashfulness dimpling his cheeks, and then clears his throat.
“i like you too.”
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goldfades · 4 months
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★ YOU AND ME, WE'D BE A BIG CONVERSATION─── PB⁵ (part 1/3)
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❪ requested -> "paige x famous!reader (singer, actress, up to u) inspired by endgame by ts where p reveals that r is her celeb crush in an interview and a few days later theres a vid of r responding to it saying shes been obsessed w paige lately / its such a big deal bc r has been involved in a lot of romantic drama lately so everyone is kinda iffy abt her rn, causing her to put up a tough guard. but p sees thru the facade when they start talking and allows her to be herself, making r fall even harder 🥹 " ❫ for my disco nonnie!
─ warnings | gossip, a lot of drama and random ass names (sorry i get confused when i don't name them), mention of panic attacks, hurt to comfort, pretty sure nothing else?
⇨ missing out on updates? check out my wcbb masterlist!
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"Y/N L/N, ONE OF the biggest names right now in the music industry has found herself at the center of yet another romantic scandal involving her ex and now, reportedly a new lover."
The 22-year-old pop sensation, who recently topped the charts with her latest single, was spotted last night leaving an upscale Los Angeles restaurant with actress and heartthrob, Camilla Harrison. The two were seen getting into the same car, sparking rumors of a budding romance.
This sighting comes just weeks after Y/N's highly publicized breakup with fellow musician Lauren Marie, with whom she had a tumultuous on-again, off-again relationship for over two years. The split was reportedly mutual, with both parties citing busy schedules and the pressures of their careers as contributing factors. However, sources close to the couple suggest that Marie was unhappy about Y/N's close friendship with Harrison, which began on the set of her recent music video where Marie made a cameo appearance.
"Y/N and Cam have undeniable chemistry," says an insider. "They've been spending a lot of time together, and it's more than just a professional connection. They're trying to keep things low-key, but it's clear there's something more than friendship between them."
Despite the drama, Y/N continues to thrive professionally. Her upcoming album set to release in the next couple month, is already generating significant buzz. Critics are calling it her most mature work yet, with deeply personal lyrics that reflect her recent experiences.
Meanwhile, Harrison, 26, known for her roles in blockbuster films and her good looks, has remained tight-lipped about the rumors. Her publicist declined to comment, stating that Marie is concentrating on her upcoming film projects.
──
"Okay, next question," the reporter smiled as she scrolled through her phone as Paige gave a tight-lipped smile toward the camera. "Oh! Found a good one, okay. Who is your celebrity crush right now."
"That's easy!" Paige laughed as she glanced toward the reporter. "Y/N L/N, she's beautiful and insanely talented,"
The room filled with laughter as the reporter raised an eyebrow, clearly delighted by the response. "Y/N L/N, huh? That's a popular choice these days, a lot of people are big fans. Have you met her?"
Paige shook her head, her cheeks slightly flushing. "Nah, I wish. But I'm a huge fan of her music. Every song is a masterpiece and I'm not usually into pop,"
"Interesting," the reporter leaned forward, intrigued. "You know, there are rumors about Y/N's love life all the time. How do you feel about all the speculation surrounding her personal life?"
Paige shrugged, maintaining her relaxed demeanor despite the stupid question. "I think it's tough being in the spotlight like that. People forget that celebrities are human too. Everyone deserves a bit of privacy, I'm more interested in her work and what she brings to the music industry rather than whoever she's dating."
The reporter nodded, appreciating Paige's perspective. "Absolutely. It's refreshing to hear someone focus on the artistry rather than the gossip!"
──
"Okay, quick. Who's your celeb crush right now, other than Cam," Bowen Yang, grinned at you, raising an eyebrow as the audience laughed, eagerly awaiting your response.
You laugh (and decide to ignore the comment about Cam), feeling a slight blush creep up your cheeks. "Oh, come on, Bowen, you can't put me on the spot like that!"
Bowen leaned in, his grin widening. "Come on, Y/N, the people want to know!" He pointed to the crowd as they cheered, causing you to put your face in yours hands.
You then take a deep breath, pretending to think hard. "Fine, if I have to choose... I'd say Paige Bueckers. She's incredible on the court, and I've seen some interviews with her ─ she seems like such a cool person."
The audience erupts with loud cheers, causing both you and Bowen to laugh. Bowen's eyes widen, clearly delighted by your answer as he clapped. "Ooh, scandalous! Paige Bueckers, I love that! Have you met her?"
You shake your head, smiling. "No, not yet. But I did see a clip of her saying some really nice things about me recently. It was super sweet."
Bowen's face lights up with excitement. "She was practically gushing over you, this is perfect, we need to make this happen. Maybe you could collab, I don't know how but uh, if anyone could make it happen, it's you."
"Thank you, I think?" You laugh, nodding. "Totally, we'll see what happens."
Bowen turns to the camera, his enthusiasm infectious. "You heard it here first, folks! Y/N and Paige Bueckers, the crossover we never knew we needed but now desperately want!"
The audience erupts in applause and cheers, and you can't help but smile at the idea. Bowen turns back to you, his tone shifting slightly more serious. "Alright, before we wrap up, I have to ask ─ how do you deal with all the attention and rumors about your personal life? It seems like you're constantly in the spotlight."
You take a moment to gather your thoughts, caught off guard by the serious question. "It's um, definitely challenging at times, but I try to focus on the positive aspects. I love making music and my fans. As for the rumors, I just remind myself that I can't control what people say or think. I stay true to myself and the people who really know me, and that's what matters most."
Bowen nods appreciatively. "Wise words, Y/N. And that's why we love you so. Thank you so much for being here tonight."
"Thank you for having me," you reply, genuinely touched by the support.
"And that's Y/N L/N!"
The crowd erupts in cheers as you genuinely smile, happy for the support, waving toward the audience.
──
"Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast I'm Lila, and today we've got a lot to talk about. Y/N L/N is at the center of yet another romantic scandal, and there's even a new twist involving basketball star Paige Bueckers. Let's dive in!" Lila said, her enthusiasm palpable.
"Yaya, so excited," Maya chimed in, adjusting her headphones. "So, Y/N was spotted last night leaving an upscale LA restaurant with actress Cam Harrison. They got into the same car, which has everyone buzzing about a possible new romance."
"Yeah, and this is just weeks after her very public breakup with Lauren, I think that's her name? It's been a whirlwind, to say the least. But honestly, I think Y/N is handling it all pretty well. She's focused on her music, and she's just living her life. What's your take, My?" Lila asked, leaning in slightly.
Maya sighed, her skepticism evident. "I don't know, Lila. I get that she's young and living her life or whatever, but it feels like there's always some new drama with her. First Lauren, now Cam Harrison? It's starting to look like a pattern."
"But that's thing, with being in your early twenties. Figuring out what you want, who you want to be with? I mean, she's also incredibly talented and driven. Her new album is generating a ton of buzz and it hasn't even been released yet," Lila countered, her voice full of admiration.
"Sure, but it seems like she's always entangled in some romantic drama. Maybe it's just the nature of fame or whatever, but it can also come off as messy. And now, with Paige Bueckers gushing about her in that interview, it adds another layer. I just hope she’s not stringing people along," Maya replied, her tone annoyed.
Lila nodded, annoyed at Maya's words but maintaining her supportive stance. "I get where you're coming from, but did you see Paige's reaction? She was genuinely excited about Y/N. It was sweet. Plus, Y/N responded so positively on the SNL interview. I think it shows she's got a good heart and she's just navigating her way through a complicated life!"
Maya hesitated for a moment as she glanced at the camera, then continued. "I mean, look at Taylor Swift. She's known for her string of high-profile relationships and breakups, and it hasn't always been received positively. It feels like Y/N is heading down a similar path- What?"
"Come on, Maya!" Lila glared at her, clearly displeased. "Comparing Y/N to Taylor Swift isn't fair. Taylor's faced a lot of unfair criticism for just living her life and expressing herself through her music. Y/N is her own person, with her own journey. She's navigating her twenties in the spotlight, and that's not easy."
Maya just shrugged as she glanced toward the camera, before adjusting her mic. "Well that got awkward, moving on..."
──── COMMENTS
sela 🐾 | is she wrong though... love her music but why'd paige gotta get involved too? ♡ 108
↳ l/nslover | cause they like each other???
↳ 🦕 | has bro ever heard of a pr relationship 😭
↳ ari! | THEYRE NOT EVEN TOGETHER YET BROOO😭😭😭
sarah™️ | LILA GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE BROOOO 😭😭 i never liked maya tbh this is just a weird ass take ♡ 1.7k
kayla 🎀 | listen as a y/n girly i also understand maya's point of view cause.... shes kinda for the streets ♡ 879
↳ ™️ | dont call yourself a """"" y/n girly """""" if ur gonna say she's for the streets??? the fuck??
⭐️ | i was understanding maya's pov up until she started saying all that taylor swift bullshit, they're two separate artists LET US LIVEEEEEEE ♡ 2k
josie may | hardest watch of the day 🥲 maya u let us down with that dumb ass take
──
"I just kinda... wanna disappear for awhile," you confessed, your voice quiet as you pressed the phone to your ear. "Don't know why this keeps happening, you're the only that can... help me through it. Sorry if I woke you up-"
It happened again ─ over the last couple of months (ever since you'd broken up with Lauren) you'd gotten pretty severe panic attacks. You were told by everyone on your team to just stay off social media and what had you done... exactly the opposite of that.
"No, no, I was awake anyway, promise," Paige's voice echoed through the phone. You heard shuffling through the phone as you sniffled, sighing. "And I don't mind, like at all. I meant what I said, I'm always here for you,"
Your heart swelled as you managed a smile, as tears began to build in your eyes. You and Paige had only been talking a month and she already understood you more than anyone had in what felt like forever. Her steady presence was like an anchor in the storm of your life.
The constant media scrutiny and the aftermath of your breakup with Lauren had left you feeling alone, but Paige’s calming influence was slowly becoming your safe haven.
"I just... I don't know how to deal with all of it. The rumors, the pressure, it's all so overwhelming," you admitted, wiping away the tears that had started to fall. "Half of it, it isn't even true."
"Hey, it's okay, I know, I believe you," Paige's voice was soothing, almost like a warm embrace over the phone. Even the smallest affirmation from Paige made you feel all okay again, even if it was just for the moment.
"You're not alone in this. We can figure it out together, step by step."
That part made your lips twitch up in a smile, feeling yourself relax again. You took a deep breath, feeling a bit of the tension ease from your shoulders. "I just feel like I can't breathe sometimes. Like the walls are closing in, y'know?"
"I get it," Paige replied softly. She'd know about it all too well, she'd been through it herself plenty of times. "Sometimes it helps to focus on the small things. One step at a time, remember? Have you tried any of those breathing exercises I taught you?"
You nodded, even though she couldn't see you. "Yeah, a little. They help, but it’s hard to remember in the moment."
"Next time you feel a panic attack coming on, call me. Anytime, okay? We'll get through it together," Paige's voice was firm, reassuring. "You don't deserve the shit they give you, like at all."
"Thank you," you whispered, feeling a surge of gratitude. "I don't know what I'd do without you, P."
"You don't have to thank me. I care about you, and I wanna help. Plus, I like hearing your voice," Paige added with a light chuckle, trying to lift your spirits.
You couldn't help but smile at that. "Me too, especially your cute tired voice."
"Cute, really?" Paige laughed through the phone and you swore you felt like your whole world felt even again. "But uh, if you do really wanna disappear you can always come to Connecticut."
The thought of escaping the relentless spotlight, even for a little while, sounded like a dream. "Really?"
"Yeah, you can stay with me for a bit, if that's uh... what you want." Paige explained through the phone. "My friends are super chill and it's always a fun time, if you ever wanna come. Think about it?"
The idea of spending time with the basketball player you'd quickly become enthralled with, seemed almost like a dream. And getting away from LA and all the madness that came with it sounded heavenly, you were going to give Connecticut a thought.
You sighed, feeling a warmth spread through you that had been absent for far too long. "Yeah, I will. And Paige?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. Really."
"Anytime, Y/N. Sweet dreams."
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↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
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dreamauri · 5 months
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♪ — 𝟱 𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗦𝗘𝗦, 𝗠𝗩𝟭 max verstappen x fem! reader (fluff) “. . . using his five senses, these are his favourite things about you.”
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( fic master list | general master list ) ( requests | taglist )
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Sight
his blue eyes appreciate anything and everything you give him.
He already thinks of you as eye candy or an angel right from a rococo painting.
But what it does for him is seeing you do something you enjoy.
If you’re playing video games or playing with his cats.
He sometimes takes videos or photos secretly so he can watch later or just to open and randomly appreciate you when he’s travelling and misses you.
“They’re so pretty,” You giggled as you watched the dolphin swim around in its tank. Max was glad he was already filming your excitement because one of the mammals noticed you and was playing with you. Sliding right and left, Max knew he was going to set the video as his lock screen later if he doesn't record for over three minutes like he always does.
Touch
One of Max's favorite things ever is hugging you or holding you in any way.
It helps keep him grounded other than the fact that you’re warm and he loves having contact with you.
You’re one of the first people he hugs after a race, an anchor helping him return to the world.
You’re the first thing he reaches for when he wakes up in the morning or before going to sleep at night.
It’s also the reason it’s difficult for him to travel without you because you’re his safe person and his source of comfort.
“All we are missing now is-” You paused, lifting your eyes from the shopping list to the hand, trying to uncross your legs. You didn’t question it, sitting properly so the blond can gently hold your thigh as he wished. Max was driving with you in the passenger seat so he couldn’t really turn and see why you paused. “Schat, I can’t read your handwriting- but we need cat food.” Max nodded in agreement, his thumb gently caressing your thigh as he made a left turn.
Smell
One of Max’’s favourite things is when you put on lotion
It has a certain sweet stubble scent that’s quite calming
he considers it your signature scent. only yours.
he also likes it when he randomly smells you on his things, like his shirts or jackts, msybe his controller or his car. it makes him all giddy
He always tells you ‘that smells nice’ and other times he just holds your hand to take a whiff
“Did you put sunscreen on?” You ask as you make sure you packed everything you need. “I don’t need it.” He doesn’t even get to finish his sentence because you already squeezed a bit and started gently rubbing it on his face. Max rolls his eyes for a second before scrunching his nose. “The sun screen covers your lotion.” He complains disappointed, making you playfully shake your head.
Hearing
max adores hearing you calling him pet names,
whether it's something like love, sweetheart, maxie, baby, darling, sweets,
or something sweet in french; amore, mon core, mon cher,
It gets worse if you speak dutch. Liefje, honing, schat, schatje.
It makes his heart go ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum and his thoughts get all tangled up and mushy
"Maxie, Shatje," You call from somewhere far in the apartment, making the blond turn around instantly, his big blue eyes searching for you and your voice. He hopped out of his chair and abandoned his sim in favour of finding you. “Amour?” “Yea?” “Liefje, can you zip up this dress for me.” Oh you got him right in his excited heart.
Taste
Max is not a huge coffee or juice drinker. All he ever drinks or needs are in his protein shakes or his red bull fridge.
But if you’re making a smoothie or experimenting with coffee and offer him a sip for his opinion or to show him how good it turned out,
he takes it as an honor,
especially if he’s drinking it out of your hand.
“Woo!” is the first thing he hears from the kitchen a few seconds after the loud noise of the blender stops. He peeks his head out of the bathroom still wet from his shower when he hears your excited hops/sprinting to his direction. “Maxie!” You hold up the glass with the pinkish smoothie he can assume is strawberries and something else. “Try?” You offer, and Max doesn't hesitate to lean forward, taking a sip, his eyes lighting up at the taste of bananas and a hint of mandarin. “That’s too good, I’m keeping this,” He teases, gently taking the glass from your hands, continuing to drink the smoothie while you follow the half-naked dutch in protest.
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i23kazu · 7 months
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♡ TO BE LOVED BY
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characters. albedo zhongli diluc alhaitham x gn!reader genre. romantic fluff + hurt/comfort. 1.6k words. an. part 1 , part 2 coming soon!!!! | to be loved by genshin men who appreciate art forms – where their favourite piece of art is you. ; reader is insecure + has low self esteem, and the men help them think otherwise. | please reblog!! im getting back into writing and reblogs with tags and comments will make me want to write more :D
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the painter
to be loved by albedo, the painter — people realise that the faces that he paints every day seem to resemble one person and one person alone. the high cheekbones, the crooked smile, the monolids — its either the artist has a case of the same face syndrome, or there is only one source of inspiration for him . . .
albedo sits by his artistry room, the window tinting golden light that shines onto your features. it highlights parts of you that you dislike, you argue, but he tenderly kisses each spot that brings you distaste. if you cannot love yourself, then let him love you extra. if you cannot see yourself the way he looks at you – with all the love and admiration and sweet infatuation in the world – then let him paint you in the way he so lovingly sees you so.
he motions for you to tilt to your left with a flick of his finger, not looking up from the blended paints on his wooden palette. you freeze – you don’t want to make him unhappy by not complying but complying also means seeing the ugliness of you. you don’t want him to see you ugly.
“i don’t like that side of me,” you whisper blankly. “it doesn’t make me look good.”
it is at these few words that albedo looks up from his painting.
“you are beautiful.”
he says the three words so matter-of-factly that you wonder if he even means it at all. they are so quick to fall out of his mouth – does he love you too little to properly regard them so, or does he love you so much that it requires no hesitation on his end to reassure you?
“albedo, thank you, but i am not-”
“you are so beautiful, my love,” albedo repeats. “and it pains me so because you don’t seem to believe it for yourself.”
“i am not-” you blink back salty tears.
“do my words hold no weight to you?” he asks, not unkindly. there’s an awkward stare that the both of you share before he lets a soft sigh part his lips, and he gathers you in his arms.
you look at him tiredly. this was not the battle you wanted to fight today, you think to yourself.
“i am beautiful.” you repeat after him. maybe, just maybe – if you say it enough, you can believe it just as wholeheartedly as albedo believes so. you can see the corners of his lips turn upwards into a soft smile – your lover smooths back your hair, planting a sweet kiss in the middle of your forehead.
“i love you, my muse. it’s alright if you don’t believe it just yet. you’ll have me to remind you that you are beautiful, every day.”
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the poet
to be loved by zhongli, the poet — the words he spins materialises out of his infatuation for you. at first glance, the words seem so bombastic – so huge, so big, that they don’t make any sense. but they are beautiful; his words are so sweet and lovely, endless love poems addressed to the one person he has fallen harder and harder for every single day. you.
“are you sure that’s a real word?” you laugh lightly, peering over his shoulder to glance at the newest word on his yellowed paper. eudaimonia, you read curiously.
“my dear, i would assume so,” he replies, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “i believe it means for a person to be of a flourishing, happy state. the thesaurus that tartaglia had obtained for me says so, but if you think otherwise, we can most certainly track down the author to contest that.”
“i trust the author.” you giggle.
“as do i.” zhongli presses a kiss to your forehead, and turns back to his pen.
you watch as he strings together sentences – sentences so lovely, you could never have ever imagined them to be about you. he describes the slight smile on your face when you reread one of your favourite books, or the fact that your laugh has two sounds – one like the tinkling of wind chimes, the other a boisterous, unbridled roar. his pen greets the paper once again, and you hear the gentle scratching of the tip against the sheet.
you are the reason i am able to rest at home with eudaimonia – my pillar, my rock, my lifeline.
“that’s beautiful. your writing is lovely as always.” you whisper, wrapping your arms tenderly around him from behind. he leans into the warmth of your touch, sweetly, lovingly, falling into your embrace.
“well, my dear – it would only make sense for my words to reflect the most pleasing of things to me.”
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the photographer
to be loved by diluc, the photographer — you are his model, day and night. he carries his camera when he can, and needless to say . . . more than three quarters of his camera roll is filled with pictures of you. they’re not perfect pictures, but they’re beautiful to him. and that is the only thing he cares about.
”diluc, don’t! i don’t look nice here.” you giggle as he, in a rare bout of unbridled playfulness, pretends to be your personal paparazzi.
“you look good in every photo, my love.” he chuckles, and runs you through the most recent photos he took.
it’s blurry. your cheeks look huge. your chin… “you look good” – was diluc blind, or lying?
you tighten your smile and turn back to your work, waving away thoughts that turn into jealous green monsters over others who would look good in his camera, no matter how imperfect their pose was.
“hey,” diluc sees the frown on your face. “i mean it. you look wonderful.”
“how?” you blink back frustrated tears.
“diluc, open your eyes. my eyes are uneven in this one. my cheeks look like a chipmunk’s. my chin.. i don’t even want to think about my chin. i don’t look good at all, diluc.”
he stays quiet for a moment, and you wonder if that was the right thing to say at all. maybe just keep quiet next time, (y/n). don’t insult his work – your insecurities are yours to hold alone, right? he tucks your hair away from your eyes and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead.
“i urge you – look again, (y/n).”
“you didn’t edit anything, diluc.”
diluc thumbs away a stray tear as he cups your face – a betrayal to your plea to your body to keep quiet. just keep quiet, (y/n). your lover takes your shoulders and sits you down gently, kneeling next to you, camera in hand.
“you don’t look good, you say? interesting.” diluc has a placid smile on his face as he runs through his camera roll again – you are afraid of angering him, of doubting his craft – but how can you see those pictures and be immediately satisfied with what they are?
“why don’t you believe me? i’m the one who sees it.” you reply indignantly.
“i don’t believe so, not at all. you see it, but i see that you are smiling in each and every one of them, my love. you are happy and you are beautiful, my sun. undoubtedly so – for that is what the camera captures. is that not what matters the most?”
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the writer
to be loved by alhaitham, the writer — people often wonder who sparks these passionate feelings of infatuation in his writing; all they need to look at is the person he leaves his gaze to linger on for a little while longer. his smile seems to brighten a little when he’s talking with you . . .
he describes a love scene so tenderly. a man and his partner, dancing in the stillness of a living room in the witching hours of the night – sweet, loving words fall clumsily out of the man’s mouth – it’s obvious he’s infatuated with his partner. two words, my angel, stands out in the manuscript you read.
“hayi, why do you never call me your angel? ever?” you ask, a slight pout on your face.
“because you are not a metaphor for me to use,” he counters, not unkindly. “you are not someone who i want to compare a mere object to.”
you see the slight disappointment in his face, and you hate yourself for it.
“maybe being compared to something would be better.” you reply softly.
“you are so much more than that,” he cradles your face in his palm, so gently it hurts.
you don’t deserve this gentleness, do you?
“who am i to take that away from you?”
the silence that follows seems louder than anything else you have ever heard. he sighs softly, not with frustration, but with a tenderness that only alhaitham can muster. he gathers you in his arms – he is so, so much bigger and taller than you – he never wants to crush you. never with his anger, nor his fear, or his hurt or his sadness.
“i’m sorry for always asking that. i don’t want to be annoying.” you murmur, blinking away tears.
“you will never be annoying to me, (y/n).” he exhales.
another quiet moment is shared between the two of you – it’s healing. the silence seems to nod to a shared understanding of a love that need not be said.
“i love you, (y/n), most magnificently so. and if it would take a lifetime for you to remember that, i would like to ask for a chance to spend that lifetime with you,” he whispers these words with a quiet fierceness, burying his face into the crook of your shoulder.
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taglist: @tiredsleep @loptido @raincxtter @chichikoi @ladyadii @soulsanta @sheiiths @genshinparty @eowinthetraveler @moonbyunniee @legitnoi @lemontum @manager-of-the-pudding-bank @starz222 @ilyuu @cherry-colored-petals @mondaymelon @tartaglia-apologist @soleillunne @m1shapanda @aimynx @smokipoki @adeptuscharm @vennnnn-diagram @ryuryuryuyurboat @yuminako @camvrin @aqualesha @sixtynintharchon @supernova25 @kunikuda-simp @starglitterz @rin-nyrasti-writes @mxyarylla @starchivves (send ask/comment to be added to taglist)
just for this post: @dailypenpen
reblogs w/ tags & comments are highly appreciated !!! <3 every reblog with a tag or comment gets a cookie from me hehe
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donutz · 7 months
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Dogday x gn reader angst
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Request from Tumblr—! Here you go Dawko-fanpage☆
—☆You are a human in this
Searching around, you always find something interesting.
Like the dead bodies of toys, or blood splatters, a pool? That's something you didn't expect in this place.
One thing you figured out yourself about this place is that it's huge. It's like the square miles of this place is more than Mount Everest!
And even in this hell hole, you still made some friends. Some as in Poppy, Kissy Missy, and a smaller version of Dogday. It jumped on you when you weren't aware, but it didn't try to eat or kill you. It rubbed its head against yours, maybe these tiny critters can actually be cute.
Other than the fact they eat humans and toys.
And have jumped a singular man as a group.
.
.
.
Let's just hope this small Dogday stays innocent.
You were in a somewhat safe spot. These colorful and soft walls kind of distract you from the real world.
You wanted to rest, just for a while.
But something's telling you to go ahead. And the fact there's a murderous purple cat on the loose, hunting you down.
To have you not thinking about it, you pet the small puppy.
Cutely, it stuck its tongue out and started wagging its tail. Even the slightest bit of happiness can comfort you here.
You closed your eyes, resting, thinking about what to do next. When a small head lightly bumped against your stomach, bringing you back to the real world.
“Why'da bump me hm?” The tiny jumped off your lap and went somewhere.
“Oh, wait I don't wanna lose you!” You whisper yelled. You kept your eyes on it, following where it’s going.
You stumble upon an eerie hallway, being suspicious, you scruffed the small Dogday just in case. It tried to get out of your grasp, squirming, “I know you want to just go everywhere, but c’mon at least have some security for yourself.” You said to the tiny critter.
“You! You’re Poppy’s angel!” The rough voice scared you, making you flinch. When you saw the source of the voice, your eyes went wide.
“Come to save us.” The small one stopped squirming and was also looking at the much bigger Dogday. Maybe that’s why it was running over here, to tell you about the suffering life form you never knew about.
“Nothing left to save, not here.” He looked up at you, noticing you had the smaller critters, aka the ones who were eating him bit by little bit.
“...”
He shook his head and resumed his talking, “You’re in Catnap’s home, angel.” But he saw that you were distracted. With talking to the smaller version of him.
“Eat those belts and I’ll give you scratches for the longest time.” You whispered. The smaller Dogday understood and jumped onto Dogday’s arms, he flinched, scared he’ll get hurt again.
“Uhh, continue with what you’re saying, the smaller you is gonna eat away at the belts, don’t worry he’s tamed.”
“... If you say so Angel, You’re in their home. A million pairs of—” Dogday’s left arm was released.
‘Wow he sure is efficient..’ Dogday thought.
“eyes are on you now… Watching, waiting, hungr—” You caught Dogday before he could fully fall on the ground.
“See? Tamed!” You said with a smile as the small Dogday crawled up your arm. “Now, let’s go before all of us get eaten!”
Tiny Dogday crawled into your pocket as the bigger Dogday shifted to your back.
Even with the bigger Dogday being huge, you still managed through. I guess you being here gives you big muscles.
You finally made it outside. And could rest while at it.
“Bigger Dogday, I’m gonna patch you up. I don’t know how to reattach your legs back, but I’ll try to not have your organs nearly fall out.” You stated, assuring that Dogday won’t be in as much pain he’s currently in.
“You don’t need to angel—”
“But I’m gonnaaaa. So stop being so selfless.” You could hear small giggles coming from your pocket.
“What, you think this is funny to you? Huh ya little vermin?” The tiny was still giggling, even louder than before.
You let out a sigh and continued on, Dogday smiled(an actual one) a little from his smaller version.
You found medical supplies and went to work on patching up Dogday, trying to be as careful as you can. He’s been through enough before you even got here.
The tinier Dogday watched your process, jumping from your pocket and rubbing its head against Dogday’s much larger hand. He flinched a bit, but pet his smaller version.
After 15-30 minutes, you were done. “Alright, I’m done!”
“Angel, this is amazing I—!”
You heard the familiar sound of metal scratching against a floor. Oh come on, you can’t get a little bit of rest?! It was the Prototype, you thought he only comes near you if you killed somebody! And Dogday nor his smaller version is dead.
So, why is he here?
Well, you either defend yourself with your life, or sacrifice it or something. Though the hand most likely knew some moves, you still need to defend the two puppies that are behind you.
You’ve done the impossible so you can do this right?
Wrong! (^▽^)
The Prototype’s sharp and metallic fingers were plunged into your heart.
“ANGEL NO!” (I don’t know how to make this seem serious, I’m just here💀)
His hands were removed from your heart, though he didn’t take your body to build himself(that’s what I headcanon) maybe you weren’t worthy enough.
Prototype was looking for Dogday, but fortunately, he was nowhere to be seen, neither was his smaller version.
He needed to search, to find him, but— he doesn’t feel like it right now. So he left. Leaving you to die, maybe.
Who knows?
You can always do the impossible.
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pursuitseternal · 1 month
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Can i get prompt 20 with astarion x f!tav? Maybe she is in her fertile period and very horny or maybe carrying his child and hormones are messing up with her head (idk if u feel comfortable writing about it, i didn't find your rules. If you don't, ok) and Astarion offers his thigh for her to get off :))
“Helpful…”
UA Astarion x f!Reader | Smut Ask Prompts
CW: pregnancy smut
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Thirty-six weeks… it’s been. Not that you’re counting. Each day is more taxing than the last… a blissful sort of torture, one you endure with a smile.
Most days.
But, days like today, you question your sanity and doubt your strength.
You couldn’t even count the sum of enemies you slaughtered. You brought down the Chosens of the Dead Three, you massacred an Illithid army….
And now the rapid flutter and kicking in your rounded belly is enough to lay you up for hours. The ache and stretch it is to bring a life into this world takes your literal breath away. Of course it doesn’t help that the child inside is Dhampir… and that its father is equally demanding at times, in different ways.
As you’ve grown heavier, rounder, Astarion has grown more attentive, helping around your cottage in the Underdark. Honestly, you sometimes scratch your head to watch the once selfish, snarky bastard of a Spawn become a snarky, helpful bastard of a Spawn.
There is one way he has relished helping you; the more demand the child inside you places on your body, the more demand your body has on you for… release. Sometimes it makes you cry, how madly you want Astarion to fuck you. Doesn’t matter where or when or for how long.
With that little problem, he’s more than eager to help. The further into your term you get, the worse the ache is, but the more exhausted you are too. Often some days, you just swallow the rage of lust that simmers inside you, but other days, he notices far too easily.
His nostrils flare as you enter your little study. He reclines on the little couch near the fire, the dim light dancing off the brightly colored spines of books around you. Scenting your need, he opens his arms, a familiar invitation to rest against him. You take the last few waddling steps, hands on your knees as you lower your rear to the couch. Your body fills the space between his legs, grimacing as it creaks under you.
Your cheeks are flush with need, and now they burn with embarrassment. “Gods I feel huge,” you bemoan, trying not to make the wooden frame of the couch groan under you again as you shift closer to your Vampiric love. “I can’t wait much longer, love,” you groan, leaning back against the cool hard planes of his torso.
“A few more weeks, and then our little one will be here,” he whispers into your ear, lips pressing a kiss, fingers pulling the stray wisps of hair back over your shoulder. “I’m sure she will be as fierce as you…”
“That’s your guess? She?” You give an airy laugh. “Well, she certainly is already fierce, given the amount of kicking, punching, and spinning that plagues me at all hours.”
A cool hand wanders over the taut curve of your belly, and instantly the child thumps against the pressure. You cry out at the pain, laughing at the look of surprise on Astarion’s face as your belly shifts with the babe’s movement within. “Incredible,” he breathes before looking at you, tilting your face into his by clasping your chin. “You’re… incredible,” lips murmur against yours. “Nearly impossible odds against us to create a dhampir, and here you are heavy with my child. Wouldn’t be the first time we were victorious against the impossible, hmm?”
“Knowing you, it won’t be the last, either,” you laugh, pursing your lips to kiss him slowly, sweetly. Hands work their way lower to the base of your belly, rucking up your skin to hunt down that source of your scent, that center of your searing need. Cool fingers on your skin give you instant relief, climbing their caress higher and higher until the dip inside you. Your aching spine bends even more, tilting your heavy hips to let him explore deeper.
Heavenly, his chilled thumb dances over your constantly hardened clit, his fingers cooling the ever-burning walls of your cunt. You hiss, riding his fingers. But your body is too laden to move like this. Your hips lock up, your back crying out in pain from your position.
And Astarion reads it in the smallest twinge of your face. Crimson eyes widen in concern, and he shushes you, soothing you as you are lifted up in his strong arms. “Ride me,” he purrs. But your hip joints already protest at the idea of being spread for his waist.
A pitiful whimper escapes you as you manage to pull yourself up on your knees on the couch to face him. Those silver brows furrow, hands at your waist to steady you… both of you. His sight roams over your flushed complexion and sweaty brow, and he guides you over his one long leg, propping it up to press beneath you.
“Use my thigh, my darling,” he murmurs, “your saviour is here.” He grins, raskish and conceited. That same line from when he once would reach out to you in combat. But you’re too pent up to tease, burning too hot with a need to find release with him in any capacity.
A hiss escapes your lips as you settle your folds on the bone of his thigh. Hard, corded muscle cools your wet and aching cunt as you grind. Slick soaks instantly through your panties and definitely into the fabric of his pants. But it only makes his hands grip harder into your hips. The fabric of your loose, flowing dress is no match for the iron clutch of his dexterous fingers.
“Fuck,” you curse, bracing your hands on either side of his head as you move faster. That new angle rubs your clit perfectly, the pressure of his thigh beneath you makes your mouth water with the promise of relief.
“Tch, language, darling,” he chides, slipping a hand beneath your skirts to find your clit with deadly precision, even blindly. “Do you want our babe to be born swearing like Karlach?”
You hang your head, laughing breathlessly until your ribs hurt. You didn’t know they could do that. A bite of your lip, and you grind faster, harder, savoring the way your soaked clothes rub over the aching nerves of your folds. Delicious friction that soothes the ache inside you.
And his finger, gods, it coaxes sighs from your lips, circles made to tease your nub from its swollen hood until you’re shaking.
“Come for me, my love…” he rasps as you hang your head closer to his honeyed lips. Words whispered to you a thousand times before seem to penetrate you deep in your belly, the fluttering of your child making you catch your breath. It grips your whole stomach, your climax. The whole swell of your belly tightens, and then tightens some more. Legs shake, and your whole body floods with the burst of pleasure you craved all day. Little strangled noises fall from your lips, until panting, you rest, unable to move off his leg.
“Where would you be without me, darling?” he purrs, slipping his hand deeper between your thighs, stroking and stretching your walls. Feeling them flutter on his fingers.
You huff a humored, tired laugh, “Not pregnant, for one.” He pouts back at you. “And two, I’d be lost without you my love.” You lean forward for a kiss, letting him hold you up. Letting him support you in all the ways he can.
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aayakashii · 3 months
Note
The plushie headcanons are so cute! Mind if I send in a request for part 3 with Subaru, Alan, Sho, and Kaito? (I know damn well Kaito's gonna burst into tears at such a cute gift)
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Thank you so much for enjoying them!! 。゚(*´□`)゚。 ♡ Hope you guys like this one!!
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How Tokyo Debunker boys react after receiving a cute little plushie from MC – Subaru, Alan, Sho and Kaito 
Kagami Subaru – red crowned crane plushie
He apologizes for the fact that you went out of your way to make such a delicate and cute plushie for him
Then he apologizes because he doesn't have a gift to give you yet
Then he apologizes again because you told him he doesn't need to apologize
Please be a little patient with him! He's a bundle of nerves, and it makes it hard for him to express himself properly
He absolutely loved the little crane though!!!!
He is wondering how are you so creative, how did you make such a majestic animal become so cute and round as a plushie
Subaru manages to makeshift a little cushion for the plushie, and now it has its own spot at the tea table
Being such an anxiety-ridden guy, your gift to him also became a huge source of relief – he doesn't bring it with him anywhere, but it's like all his problems magically fade away once he sees it, it quickly became a source of comfort and emotional support
He doesn't really tell that to you or anyone, for that purpose, because he feels a little silly, but he absolutely cherishes his new friend and hopes to give you a gift that might mean as much to you as his little crane means to him!
Alan Mido – doberman plushie
Contrary to what people might think of him, Alan is a gentle giant
He's all soft eyes and little smiles to his underclassmen and Vagastrom students
Even if he's strict with them sometimes, it's all just his own form of tough love
So when you give him a doberman plushie, he can't help but smile and pat your head affectionately
The thought of you working so hard to make such a cute little thing for someone like him makes his chest all warm and fuzzy
He treats the plushie like a delicate trophy that could crumble into dust at any given moment
So he doesn't snuggle, nor squeeze it at all
He mostly just... Holds it. And stares at it, admiring your handiwork and thinking that it looks adorable.
And he also asks your opinion about everything plushie-related
"Do you think I should keep him in my room or at The Pit?"
"Why would you put him in The Pit?!"
"Maybe he could become a mascot..."
One day, he can't keep his curiosity at bay any longer and decides to finally ask you
"Why did you give me a doberman plushie? Specifically a doberman, I mean."
"Well, you are strong but also very gentle, just like a doberman can be protective and dangerous, but also sweet when it comes to its family"
Alan smiles and pats your head for the millionth time that day
He surely hopes he can keep being that to you.
Haizono Sho – raccoon plushie:
"I made this for you, an animal that reminds me of my cute kouhai"
"... senpai are you telling me I look like someone that eats trash"
"How the hell did you jump to this conclusion"
Don't worry about his reaction though, Sho absolutely loves it but he can't let any of his cuteness aggression show, to keep his bad boy image intact
Leo teases him over this gift, but every acid word just goes through one ear and out the other because Sho is over the moon, feeling like the most spoiled guy in the entire world
You see him through his rough image and have enough courage to give him such an adorable gift, you're truly something...
Oh, and the fact that you gave the raccoon a little apron to match his when he's working totally caused extreme mental damage over how cute it is
What if he also bought a leather jacket and a helmet to take him on his rides with Bonnie...
But will it be safe for it to ride Bonnie when it is so small and rotund and easy to slip away...
Please don't judge him, he's just a kid, he wasn't ready for parenthood
But since it has an apron, Sho will most definitely let it keep him company at the food truck
Maybe the little raccoon can be the cashier?
Sho will probably settle for this though
Fuji Kaito – penguin plushie:
Immediately screaming and gross sobbing
Cannot form a single coherent word once you give him his little chubby penguin
It looks so cute! It's so round and fluffy even though now it's a bit damp because of all his tears
A HUNDRED PERCENT takes this plushie everywhere
Kaito gives it a name, clothes, and accessories and creates an instagram account just to post photos of the penguin around the nicest spots jn Darkwick
Suddenly, Kaito becomes a photography pro since he just won't stop taking pictures of the little guy
Shows off to anyone that even points it out, ESPECIALLY if it's Luca
"MC made this FOR ME, which CLEARLY means I am their knight in shining armor and will protect both them and our child I mean our plushie with MY LIFE"
Totally misses the fact that Luca doesn't care
MC has to come to him and ask him pretty please to tone it down a bit because he is scaring the hoes everyone away
But how!!! He just loves (you) the plushie so much!! Let him show off, please? He's just a very excitable person!
He promises he'll chill out though, but before that, just one more photo for the plushie's instagram page...
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storm-angel989 · 3 months
Note
Hi, could I have a meeting between Velvette’s new girlfriend and Vox and Val? (With Vox acting like Vel’s overprotective dad?) I think that would be pretty funny
This is an OLD request (AND DON'T WORRY THERE ARE STILL MORE OLD REQUESTS SITTING IN MY INBOX)
But the muses finally struck! I hope it was worth the wait!
Velvette could see the anxiety scrawled across her pretty face. 
“Don’t worry,” she said as comfortingly as Velvette could possibly manage. “They’re going to love you.”
“Valentino and Vox are literally the most famous overlords in hell, and I’m meeting them,” she squeaked in protest. 
Velvette rolled her eyes but kissed her cheek. 
“If it makes you feel better, reader, you’re the first girl I’ve ever brought home.” 
Velvette didn’t think she could turn anymore red. And rightly so- Velvette didn’t get her reputation as a cold hearted bitch for no reason. Cycle after cycle of girls came and went- never for long. But when reader crossed her stage for the first time six months ago, something about her felt…different. 
Of course she had met Valentino when she first arrived- after all, Velvette sourced all her models directly from him. But with the proper nutrition, a healthy diet and a good skincare routine, Valentinos hunch that she would glow up proved to be correct. 
Two weeks. One dinner date and the first time Velvette ever let another woman pin her down against the bed later, their relationship was solidified. Valentino knew of course from the moment she told him reader would be kept in a separate apartment, a private space typically reserved for the most promising of the candidates. 
But Vox….ugh, Vox would be a different story. The last time Velvette had her heart broken- the death of a sinner during an extermination, Vox had been the one to hold her. To comfort her and buy her ice cream. Valentino had been there too- but his emotional bank account for sadness at that point in his life was next to zero. He just couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just move on. 
But Vox did. 
Slowly, he was the one who helped put the pieces that made up Velvette back together. He was the one who encouraged her to start dating again. He was the one who hugged her tight when the nights grew dark, and the shoulder to cry on when she drank too much. 
She wondered what his reaction would be when she brought reader home? 
Velvette pressed the elevator button and turned to reader. 
“Just play it cool. They’re basically like any other demon, but they’re my family. Okay? So just…you know, be cool.” 
Reader nodded as they stepped together into the elevator and rode the short ride to the top of the V tower. The elevator pinged and Velvette took a deep breath as they stepped out together into the V tower.
“Welcome! Welcome, reader, to our humble home,” Vox announced as he stepped out from the kitchen.
Velvette winced as he took off his signature kiss the chef <3  apron and walked over to greet them. He took readers hand and firmly shook it. “So you’re the girl who stole our Vel’s heart, hm?”
“Vox,” Velvette hissed. 
“No, no its okay Vel, Mr. Vox I am a huge fan!” reader gushed. “I didn’t know you cooked!”
Velvette bit back a smile. She knew she shouldn’t have been worried. After all, compliments and conversations were readers speciality. 
“Ooo, Vel, is this your new lover?” Valentino cooed as he strode out from his bedroom. He took readers hand and kissed it. “Lovely specimen, tell me…where did you find such a beautiful…”
“Cut it out, Val, I-”
“Oh, no, Vel! Mr. Valentino, its so nice to meet you. I’ve seen all your films! I mean, the ones you star in of course,” reader said excitedly.
“Ah, I like this one Velvette,” Valentino smirked as he released her hand. “About time you brought home someone with taste.”
“Speaking of, dinner is ready! Come sit,” Vox pointed towards their rarely used dining room. 
Inwardly, Velvette cringed. But as the meal moved on, she found herself starting to relax. Sure, Vox and Valentino were their usually selves, but nothing extraordinary. 
At least, not until dessert.
“So, tell me, reader, how exactly do you plan on breaking my dear Velvette’s heart?” Vox asked casually.
Velvette choked on the sip of wine she had just taken. She opened her mouth as if to scold Vox, but quieted with a look from her reader. 
“Vel? You’re planning on sharing your heart? Shit, I thought I was just here to be a sex toy,” reader said sarcastically. “Thanks for wrecking the surprise, Mr. Vox.”
Valentino burst out in laughter and Vox gave her a mortified look. Velvette grinned and leaned over to reader. 
“And that right there is exactly why I brought you home,” she said with a kiss.
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d4rkpluto · 1 year
Text
𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔢𝔫𝔦𝔤𝔪𝔞 𝔞𝔯𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔱𝔶𝔭𝔢
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[I AM FOLLOWING AYESHA K.FAINES RESEARCH OF FEMININE ARCHETYPES]
↳ the sexual feminine archetype of the mystic archetype.
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♇ when your percentage of the lover percentage is 70% and over. and when your personal score matches with your percentage engima the most.
♇ the enigma is one of the sexual feminine archetypes that belong to the feminine archetype the mystic, whereas the other sexual feminine archetype is the goddess.
♇ people who belong to the enigma archetype are perceived as earthy and have this mesmerising and magnetic energy that can be depicted as positive.
♇ some of them could be seen as very aloof and can have a resting bitch face. they're spiritual people and positive enigmas have a hard time being narcissistic and cold.
♇ they're people who dont necessarily need fame or attention, [they just focus on what they create and people are attracted to], these women are more focused on their inner peace.
♇ they are people who feel like they need to connect to a higher source of power, its comforting for them to know that there is something bigger than them that they can be lenient on.
♇ since they're people who like peace so much, they could have this tendency of fleeing from situations when they recognise that trouble would be led to them in the end. they're women who are likely to have a sense of high value of themselves and to reach that, they like to ground their energy.
♇ when it comes to romance, they like to make their lover feel seen and heard. enigmas are HUGE lovers, and most of them express their love for them within their music. like when i was writing the enigma post, fka twig's song, pendulum kept on playing in my head.
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♇ the lyric "dying to be yours" repeated in my head, sometimes, enigmas are the type of women to drop everything to be and please their significant other. the link to the song :)
♇ they can sometimes overlook their lover's very bad flaws, and can be the type of people to be into open-relationships.
♇ when it comes to non-romantic situations, or in general, they're people who keep a big part of themselves only to themselves, they don't like the idea of people knowing about them 100%.
♇ as it comes to people interacting with them, people might give them the burden of having to fix them.
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♇ they can get into episodes where they have a lot of blockages when it comes to expressing their sensuality or creativity. enigmas are the type of people to live in their head than executing their ideas.
when it is not blocked you'll find them to be people with very artistic and original.
♇ though, enigmas come in many forms, even though they are people who can love very deeply, they're also very closed off women. watching interviews of them, most of them have reminded me of manic pixie girls.
♇ they're women who are very strong with their opinions, and since they're strong about their thoughts they can be very poetic. they're woman who can easily express their feelings so people can understand where they are coming from.
♇ when around the right people, they can come off as very chatty but they're the type to speak about everything but themselves.
♇ i have noted that many of them do know how to sing, i've implied that they're creative and enigmas are likely going to be those who take the musician route.
♇ are aware of how society and how poorly it treats people, so they try and help others, [and the earth]. they're people who always like to be prepared and can be considered as very cute. they have this earthy energy to them but still like to indulge in luxury, chiefly for their jewellery.
♇ they like to nurture things so they are the type to get plants or even pets. [and as a stretch could be open to having kids].
♇ when enigmas are really in love with someone or just take a liking too much for a person, they can become very agreeable people, they sometimes become a walking mat or you could say people-pleaser.
♇ after watching tons of interviews many of them do have a raspiness to their voice, could sometimes be because of weed. or just smoking in general.
♇ as it comes to their aesthetic, i have observed many of them like neutral colours and are into self-care. the type to have many skin products.
♇ scent/senses is very important for them and they tend to be very hygienic people.
♇ out of all the feminine archetypes, enigma archetypes are the ones who have the most diverse personalities, makes sense to the title of their archetype, not knowing who or what they specifically are.
♇ are women who are direct with what they want, especially when it does come to romance, confident enigmas know what they want and they get it. they could have many romances but not marry, plus, if they're famous they're likely tired with the attention they get.
♇ are sexually fluid people and love to express their sensuality within their art. many of them love memories and will always be grateful with what they have been taught in the past.
♇ moreover, when i was watching interviews of them, many of them had voices i did not expect them to have. if not careful can get pressured easily and hastily anxious. the type to want to make others feel included. they like to heal, very spiritual people, and as i have said that they remind me of manic pixies, the more i did my research on them, the more i realised they're very fairy-like.
♇ they're people who are interested in research and like to embrace their powerful feminine side. the type to indulge in witch-craft; some enigmas can be very insecure about their face, can be interested in cosmetic surgery, [even though all of them are gorgeous]. + also noticed many of them have very curvy bodies.
♇ can appear as two-faced or fake because they want to set a certain reputation of themselves. don't like drama or would walk away from the mess they made. they do like to be left alone and due to this people might consider them as boring, but they just have a wall in front of their real personality.
♇ as they are people who like to ground themselves, they are people who are long to temper, or try not to be easily tempered.
fashion wise, they are people who know their colours really well. are likely going to wear gold jewellery.
♇ and can sometimes come off as very bimbo-like because of their lack of care for things. they are people who are very open about their past, and majority of the time, young enigmas were forced into the spotlight. [asia monet ray + kourtney kardashian].
♇ they are great entertainers and can be favoured in what they do. what makes them more likeable is their sunny appearance. some of them display themselves as delicate. on the other hand, people might find them to be weird.
♇ sometimes enigmas can come off as childlike and a lot of them have chubby-cheeks.
other enigmas ↴
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♇ enigmas i put above are fka twigs, krotchy, frida kahlo, greta garbo, kourtney kardashian and nicole kidman.
♇ understanding the enigma archetype, is that it shows that they are women who are usually deeply underestimated when it comes to their intelligence, spiritual women who are on a hermit path of understanding themselves and others.
♇ and to make the enigma archetype easier to comprehend i gathered characters from different tv shows or films that come under the archetype.
⟶ harry potter franchise - luna lovegood, embodies the shy and kept to themselves side of the enigmas, [as i said they are a very fluid and diverse archetype], as enigmas, luna is perceived to be someone who is strange but doesnt allow it to make her feel insecure. she helps other people and is kind, embraces her quirkiness.
⟶ from american horror story [coven] - misty day, the stereotypical spiritual enigma who cares for nature and the earth. has a special connection with animals and with life itself, very caring and eccentric, and as a healthy enigma, she doesnt allow people's views of her to bring her down.
⟶ avatar the way of water - kiri, when i was thinking of fictional characters who are the enigma, kiri was the first character that appeared in my head. she is connected with the earth, creative and connects herself to a higher source of power, [even though she is already connected to eywa from what i believe]. is connected to life and death.
⟶ from friends - phoebe buffay, embodies the childlike nature of the enigma, the nature where people perceive them to be "ditzy". when she is around the people she likes, she can come off as very chatty.
⟶ naruto franchise - hinata hyuga/uzumaki, embodies the shy nature of the enigma. the enigma that loves with their all, can have creative blockages and people underestimate who she is and her power. hinata is aware of how the world poorly treats people as she did belong to clan that didnt really care for their people. [ex. neji]. sometimes expresses the mysterious side an enigma can be.
⟶ from the original franchise - freya mikaelson, is the witch of her family and is very connected to nature, chiefly because of the time she was born. she is someone who likes to ground herself and is one of the siblings who thinks things out the most, will do anything for the sake of love and family. strong opinions and holds a strong bond of life and death, like misty day.
⟶ the last of us - dina woodward, likes to be connected to a higher source, shows when she gives ellie the evil eye bracelet, embodies the expressive side of the enigma and is likely open to "open-relationships" chiefly due to her bond with jesse and ellie. she is direct with what she wants, does like her peace.
⟶ from the haunting of hill house - nell crain, some people overlook her connection to a higher source of power; to see how you are going to die since you were young is pretty psychic. had spiritual phases and like many enigma characters is very connected with death, had tried to ground herself but wasnt able, especially becuase of her therapist. does keep a big part of herself but she normally did that because she didnt want to burden her siblings.
⟶ winx club - flora, represents the kind, nature-loving and mysterious side of the enigma, especially with the vibrant colours she wears, it might not really appear that there's this secrecy and mystery to flora's character but ever since i've watched the show when i was young, i've always noted an essence of puzzle and unsolved problem when it comes to her. like she's there but not at the same time.
⟶ from euphoria - cassie howard, you might wonder how cassie belongs to the enigma archetype and the girl embodies everything that an underdeveloped enigma is. is willing to drop everything for her lover, look past the red-flags and become what their lovers wants them to be. cassie is a big lover girl, and likes to make her lovers feel seen and heard, especially for what she did to nate, telling him she can be whatever he wants her to be.
♇ as i have done my research, i gathered that a lot of enigmas are are likely going to have capricorn, leo and pisces in their big three; in order of how much they appeared.
♇ they are also going to have leo, capricorn and taurus appear in their dominant signs; in order of how much they appeared.
♇ the planets jupiter, sun and pluto appeared in their dominant planets the most; in order of how much they appeared.
♇ the element that appeared the most was earth, second was fire and third was water.
♇ lastly, when it comes to the modality, what appeared the most was fixed and the second modality was mutable.
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♇ feminine archetype masterlist
to find out what feminine archetype and sexual feminine archetype you are
buy a natal chart reading from me
masterlist
♇ pluto
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Text
Struggling with Setting and Plot
[Ask edited for length]
enzoid23 asked: I can easily make characters/relationships but the setting and plot are difficult for me. I like stories where characters are stuck together in a new place and have to learn to accept it or find a way to escape, which is a basic concept, but I can't figure out how to do it. I'm trying my to avoid copying other stories but I'm not sure where to draw the line between that and inspiration either. There's too many gaps, such as the how and the where and how many characters. I keep throwing in as much stuff as i can whether it fits or not, like a Mary Sue, but it's plot instead of a character.
First, since you asked about copying vs inspiration, start by reading these posts:
Taking Inspiration from Another Story’s Premise Similarities vs Plagiarism Plagiarism vs Reference vs Inspiration Hopefully that will help you get comfortable with borrowing ideas from other sources but making them into something new and unique to you.
Next, being able to come up with characters is great, but unless those characters are rooted in a particular setting or situation, it doesn't help much with world building and plot. And while some writers can find a plot within a setting, I think for most writers its easier to start with the plot, and once you have the beginnings of a premise, it's not too hard to expand a plot from there. As luck would have it, you already have the beginnings of a premise:
People get stuck together in a new place and have to learn to accept it or find a way to escape.
Now we can look at that and start asking questions. Perhaps the easiest question to start with is "do they learn to accept it, or do they find a way to escape?" Which one? Because those are two very different goals. Choosing one and eliminating the other tightens up your premise:
People get stuck together in a new place and have to learn to accept it.
All right... I think the next logical question is who gets stuck together in a place? Is it two people? Three people? Five people? Twenty-six people? One-hundred people? You don't even have to figure out the exact number right now, but just knowing whether this story is about two people, a few people, a small group of people, a bigger group of people, or a huge group of people is going to really narrow things down.
A small group of people get stuck together in a new place and have to learn to accept it.
Okay... where do they get stuck and how? Let's brainstorm... are these modern day boaters, or a misfit bunch of 18th century buccaneers, who become castaways on a remote island? Are they a group of students whose project gets them sucked into another dimension? Are they far-future astronauts who get stranded on an isolated planet? Keep going...
A small group of students get sucked into another dimension and stranded when their science project goes wrong.
Ahoy, there! A PREMISE!!!
Now you can start brainstorming the specific details... who are these students? Middle school/equivalent? High school/equivalent? University? Graduate school? Where and when is their school located? 1926 Chicago? 1980s London? 2077 Kinshasa? 1926 Shanghai?
A small group of middle school students in 1980's London get sucked into another dimension and stranded when their science project goes wrong.
Time to start world building and brainstorming this alternate dimension. Is it going to be an alternate version of our dimension? Will it be a dimension that's similar to a past time/place on Earth? Will this dimension be like a futuristic city? Will it be something fantastical like a place that feels like an alien city, or like Blade Runner meets Ready Player One? Are there other people in this dimension? Or is this group completely on their own?
Now you can start to think about a conflict... what is the problem that must be resolved by the end of the story? Is it simply a matter of figuring out how to survive in this new place? Are they immediately captured by some faction or army or group, and they must escape, or convince someone that they're not dangerous, or win their freedom somehow? What is the specific goal they work toward in order to reach this resolution? What steps must they achieve? Who or what places obstacles in their path, and what obstacles?
Once you know all of this, you can figure out the nitty-gritty details like how many characters, who each one is specifically, and what their role in the story will be. You can look at various structure templates (like Save the Cat! Writes a Novel, Larry Brooks Story Structure, Dramatica, etc.) for guidance... just don't feel like you have to stick to it exactly. You can also read through posts on my Plot & Story Structure master list for more help with plotting.
I hope this post gets you over the hump, though! ♥
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bogkeep · 5 months
Note
Would you recommend the SSSS comic? I know little of it beside the very beautiful artstyle and premise
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to answer the question of if i would recommend SSSS as a comic: yes, yes i would.
a description for those who don't know: Stand Still Stay Silent is a post-apocalyptic horror + adventure webcomic set in the nordics (norway, sweden, denmark, finland, iceland) that have been isolated from the rest of the world and gone back to their old gods. the the world outside of safe zones is full of trolls and beasts - humans and mammals that got infected by a horrible virus and turned into monsters. the story follows a ragtag crew that ventures into the old world (derelict denmark) on an expedition to collect books.
the comic updated every workday until it concluded in 2022, and consists of two Adventures. the creator had plans for many adventures with these characters in this world, but ended it after two when she wanted to take a new direction with her life.
what i love about it:
- the art is GORGEOUS. it's been a huge source of inspiration for me. open any page and it's a masterpiece, and you will ask yourself "how the FUCK did she update this FIVE DAYS A WEEK"
- the characters are wonderful and endearing. i just, i love them so much. i am so thankful lalli hotakainen exists he is one of my #1 blorbos forever
- the world is so cool. the blend of chunky sci-fi and norse mythology fantasy magic slaps. it goes so hard. i fell so hard for this comic when i got to the big ferry ship with a viking style dragon head prow added to it. it's everything
- it really really gets nordic cultures. it's difficult to explain all the dynamics and nuances but it just gets it. it brings me as a scandinavian a lot of joy to read a story that speaks to my heart this way. the attitudes, the language barriers, the cultural differences... it was so refreshing to me in a media landscape dominated by american stories. when the pandemic hit, i decided to reread the comic because i found such an odd comfort in seeing how it depicted the scandinavian countries reacting to, well, a pandemic.
- there's kittycats
what i don't like about it:
- the most glaring and obvious flaw is that everyone in the comic is white. there's not a single character of color anywhere, not even i background shots or the prologue. there's no mention of the saami people (the indigenous people of northern europe), either. i believe this was done in ignorance more than malicious intent, but the implications are Extremely Bad and it's been bothering me (AND MANY OTHERS) since day 1. that is the number one caveat i will give to anyone wanting to check this comic out. i've been in the discourse trenches and i am not going to excuse this. it's just bad!
- you can tell in the middle of adventure 2 that the creator has kind of lost interest in the work, around the time when she found jesus i guess. like, very few people can keep up work on the same creative project for years and years and years and i think it's fine that she wanted to drop it, but it's a bit sad to see the comic dragged to its end like a limp corpse, and feeling like the creator no longer really cares about the characters.
- minna sundberg has said and done some questionable things, presumably gotten somewhat radicalised over time, and has also converted to hardcore christianity which is what her new works are about. there's nothing about this in SSSS - there is a moment of christianity represented in the story in a sort of mythological sense, just like the other religions, but this was written before minna's conversion. her new works... are a Choice. i have much to say about them, and i have, and im not gonna rehash it now.
SO YEAH hopefully this will help you take an Informed Choice! i got into this comic in 2015 and was deep in the fandom and it's for better or for worse part of my soul foundation now.
i also recommend A Redtail's Dream, minna's "practice comic" before SSSS, based on finnish mythology and the kalevala.
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ilys00ga · 8 months
Text
𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐓.𝟐
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➞ pair: yoongi x f reader
➞ synopsis: where you meet him during your best friend's wedding. can a heart beat again after breaking to pieces?
➞ genre: best friend's brother!yoongi, actress!female reader, bookshop owner!yoongi, angst, kind of hurt/comfort, there's also some fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn.
➞ warnings: mentions of cheating, heartbreak, reader is going through some deep shit, failed past relationship, alcohol consumption (drink mindfully and responsibly (not me saying this when I don't even drink lmao)). this is PURE fiction!
➞ A/N: I wanna start by saying thank you to the one or two persons who requested another part of this fic. as I mentioned before, I had no intention or inspiration to write more of it, but I'm glad that yall forced me into coming up with this (jkjk). I don't KNOW how and what , but I WANT to write more parts of this. so, in the meantime, enjoy this and expect something to be posted in some few months lmao. I had to rewrite this a hundred times, I kind of don't wanna proofread it ever again 😭 so pls ignore any mistakes or questionable points (🙏🙏🙏!!!!!!). love <3
➞ tags: @viankiss + @parkjennykim + @acquiescence804
★ MASTERLIST.
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Ethereal clouds blanketed the sky above the town, giving a gleam of light every now and then as they played a game of hide and seek with the sun. The crisp wind bit the skin of your face, carrying the scent of freshly wet concrete in every direction it went. the world was vivid in color around you and underneath your feet. As per always, nothing could beat the delight of walking down the street shortly after a round or two of rain.
as you make your way down the sidewalk, you reach a shopwindow displaying a collection of book goodness. The huge sign right at the top of the storefront read 'SNOOZE', and you wondered what kind of significance it carried for it to be the chosen name of the shop before you.
not wasting any more precious time, you decided to pay a visit and see if any book would call out your name as soon as it spots you, and lure you closer to fan its pages and listen to their story.
The first thing that welcomed you as soon as you walked into the place was a radiating warmth. the air was sweet-scented with a mix of wood, paper, new and old books, multiple perfumes and a mouth watering smell of both coffee and tea. It was almost too overwhelming, but the atmosphere soaked your heart with so much comfort almost immediately that it left you speechless.
The shop was on two floors. The first one was largely specious. Every wall was loaded up with books neatly lined up from top to bottom, and planted everywhere were tables presenting neatly organized books. Some people were scattered around, talking in hushed voices or just silently browsing. Others you could see chilling on the second floor, where a coffee bar was. It was not as spacious as the one underneath, but it was commodious enough for some extra small couches and chairs here and there.
you started walking around the lovely aisles, taking your time as you scanned through them. your finger ran down spines, and your nose inhaled the sweet, dearly loved smell of paper books in.
At the heart of your wandering, piano notes rode the air inside the shop, rushing as they slipped between shelves and making their way to your ears. it tugged a smile on your face, the smooth melody that sounded somewhat familiar, and you stalked its source with sheer curiosity.
There, when you finally made it, you found the man you met at your best friend’s wedding a couple of months earlier, seated on the piano bench, focused. Yoongi was his name. Yoongi, Soyoon’s older brother, who walked around with a box of UNO cards in his pocket. such a memorable person.
He looked slightly different than the last (fist and only) time you saw him, though. His hair was shorter, pushed back with a pair of sunglasses resting on his head. He also had sidecuts, and some ear piercings. totally different from the other day.
perhaps the "performance" went on for about two minutes more, u couldn't tell, but soon he had his hands clasped on his lap and smiled, satisfied. Before you could walk away, Yoongi turned and his eyes immediately fell on you. ‘oh’, he whispered as his eyes widened in surprise, and you cracked a faint smile.
"didn't expect to see you again." he spoke first, standing up and approaching you.
"Me neither. I was losing hope in playing another round of UNO with you again."
"Well, about that.." scratching the back of his head, he bit his lip sheepishly and confessed, "I kept a box in my pocket for days but then lost track and didn’t think we’d see each other again.."
"Too bad I can't beat you today.." you scrunched your nose teasingly.
"we can play another time?" he suggested, tucking his hands into the pockets of his dark pants and relaxing his board shoulders.
"Sure, why not." you averted your eyes from his for a moment before meeting them again with a small smile.
Neither of you said anything for a short moment. it wasn't exactly awkward—or at least not from your end—in fact, something deep inside kept eagerly nagging, pushing you to say something and keep pulling strings of conversation from the man before you. so, you decided to comply and chat up with a hint of hesitance hanging from your teeth, "You work here?"
"oh, yeah. with a friend of mine." he answered, "is there anything specific you'd like?"
"no, I’d just discovered the place so I was walking around."
"I see… coffee? or do you prefer tea?"
"Coffee is good."
"Alright, come with me." He led you upstairs, told you to take a seat, and started preparing two cups for the both of you. Truthfully speaking, the cozyness of the store caught you off guard. really. It didn't feel like a shop, no, it felt like a private reading space in the comfort of your own house. For a moment, you felt sad as you wondered whether it was a painfully underrated place or not. It would've been such a shame if a place like that one wasn't appreciated enough, you thought.
a stretched out arm placed a cup in front of you. looking up, you were reminded of his presence once again.
"there you go," he said and sat across from you.
"How's the situation here?" you inquired, fingers hugging the warm mug between your hands.
"pretty good. We started recently, but it's already going well."
"I see." you nodded your head and took a sip, "Associating readers and bookworms all day must be nice."
"It's fun, sometimes." he hummed, "Are you one?"
"a bookworm? not really, no. I mean, I do love reading but I'm almost always busy filming so.."
"filming…?"
"oh, yeah. I'm an actress. a very not well known one, at that." you chuckled.
"That's cool." you could read elements of genuine interest off of his expression. you weren’t sure why, but it made you smile.
"you think so?" you asked.
"Of course I do. acting has always been interesting to me."
The two of you exchanged bits of comments and opinions for a few more minutes. it wasn't until you glanced down at your wrist watch that you realized it was time for you to leave.
"But you haven't picked a book yet," he insisted when you got up and bid your goodbyes.
"there were too many good ones, I really couldn't choose."
"Wait, come with me." you trailed along behind him as he headed downstairs, until he came to a halt and showed you a tall bookcase. written on the very top was a big “BLIND DATE WITH A BOOK”. Each one of the books in it was wrapped in the same gray paperwrap and had words scribbled on it. after a quick glance, you could tell that they were short anonymous letters.
"People drop mystery books here all the time. see if you find something that stirs your interest?" Yoongi proposed.
Doing as he said, you went through the notes, reading each one carefully, until one grabbed your attention.
“for the mourning soul,
harried and frayed at the edges,
this is a hug from me to you.”
It read.
“Good choice.” somewhere to your left, you could hear Yoongi softly muttering.
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"baby, please listen to me!" he pleaded, hand tightening around your arm to prevent you from walking away.
"What more do you have to say? I saw everything with my own eyes!" your voice cracked as you held a sob in, trying so hard to hold yourself together and not break down in front of the man that just broke your heart with no care.
"it's not what it looks like! I love you, why'd you think I would lie to you?!"
and all of a sudden, every word known to man vanished from the top of your tongue. your brain went blank, your face frozen. all you could muster was a faint "...you.."
“Cut!” the director’s voice rang out and sliced its way through the scene.
Everyone on set looked at you with knitted brows as he walked up to you, pulling you aside. you shift your weight from one foot to the other, mentally preparing yourself for whatever remark he was intending to deliver your way.
“__, we’ve done intense scenes like this one before. I know you can do better.” he crossed his arms, eyebrows inching closer to each other as he spoke.
“I'm sorry, sir. it's just so ha-"
“How hard can it be to express and demystify being cheated on? have you never been cheated on before? just conjure that picture up, then translate and convey it. it’s not that hard.” he rolled his eyes and instructed with a sharp tone. it made your stomach twist again and you felt sick, almost as though those pair of strict eyes grew an arm and bunched you right in the chest, hence your aching bottom lip as you chewed at it and looked down at your feet.
and with a timid voice, you answered, “I know, I'm sorry, I will try my best.”
“right.” was all he muttered before he walked away, announcing a ten minutes long break to the whole crew.
it took everything within you not to walk up to him and scream at his face until your throat bled and burned with an old rage. you really wanted to do that, but you didn’t. you couldn't. so you just stood there and watched the room move like nothing had been said.
A guy walked in. He hastened to reach the director and whispered something in his ear. another guy came up and handed you a cup of coffee. you thanked him and put your mind to the drink, savoring its bitterness as it washed every corner of your mouth.
some minutes later, your phone beeped with an incoming message:
from Saera <3: There’s something i think you should know. Let's meet up when you’re done.
Planning it all step by step was what the universe had done. the director suddenly called it a wrap, and the room was moving quicker than before.
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“Here’s your bottle, miss.” a blond bartender said with a sweet grin on his face. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a necklace sitting comfortably between the partially exposed pecks of his chest—a sight you were sure you didn’t see a few minutes ago since the first few buttons of his shirt were definitely not unbuttoned.
You muttered a quiet ‘thank you’ and opened the bottle of your favorite alcoholic drink, filling the empty glass you were clutching with the other hand and taking a decent sip. it burnt as it washed down the walls of your throat, to your chest and spread all over your system.
“Oof, I really needed that.” hissing, you threw your head backward.
Over the past couple of months, that bar came to be a comfort zone for you. when the emotions you tenderly carried in the palms of your hands overflowed and raced down your arms, reaching your elbows to then drip like heavy raindrops by your feet on the floor, you rushed your way to this pub to pat it dry.
Maybe it was the coziness of its vintage interior decor presented to the visiting eye that pulled you in. or the quiet atmosphere that lured every presence that steps into the place with curious eyes, welcoming it with a warm embrace and a gentle smile. or the hushed voices of customers spending their time in various of ways and feelings, one sitting alone and sipping on a huge glass of beer with a grim face, another sitting lifelessly with barely opened eyes and a bunch of empty glasses stacked up on the table before them, a couple with tinted cheeks sharing whispered love between each other and some elderly people just hanging out here and there.
The cocky bartender was somehow always on shift whenever you showed up. He seemed to love shamelessly hitting on you with that large smile of his, but Instead of paying him any attention, you fix your eyes on the stacked up bottles and glasses behind him, shining with reflections of soft yellow, and politely smile back every single time. That didn't seem to wind him up, though.
A thick steam of thoughts fogged your mind up as you sat on one of the high red stools lined up at the counter, facing the room with your back and consuming one glass after another.
A soft knock on the wooden counter to your right pulled you out of your wandering thoughts. your back stiffened and your head snapped up. Then you saw him, once again, Yoongi smiling down at you, and he ever so softly said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
He didn't have his sunglasses above his head, you noticed. his fringe fell on his forehead, and he didn't have the piercings on, you noticed that too. Amber light bulbs beamed gold on his pale skin, going perfectly right with the black silk dress shirt he was wearing.
"Are you stalking me?" you said with a thick, slurred voice.
he tilted his head, still smiling, and pointed, "this bar is two blacks away from the bookshop. I like to come here often."
you didn't say anything further—maybe it was just the alcohol, or maybe it was something you couldn't confidently put your finger on, but there was a voice that kept praising his face in the back of your head and you just sat there, listening, observing, red-cheeked, droopy-eyed, motionless.
Yoongi nodded towards the seat right next to yours and muttered, “can i?”
"o-of course!" you spat an answer out, pressing your eyes shut and facing away from him. maybe drinking too much wasn't the best idea that night. or maybe it was that you should've paid more attention and recognized the very familiar street beforehand? either way, you felt too unstable to function in front of another human being at that moment.
"You look troubled." was the first thing he said after the batista had come, served him the drink he ordered and left again.
"ah… just tired."
The man didn't say anything for a while. The frown he immediately noticed on your face when he spotted you just earlier ran a hundred questions in his brain, however, at the very tip of his tongue laid a question he really wanted to voice out ever since the two of you had met at the bookstore, but he just couldn't.
After giving it some thought, he gathered some strength and decided to just ask his concern away.
“that thing you told me about the other day,” he started, carefully picking his words, and you tried to listen as attentively as your fogged up mind could, "does it still hurt?”
At first, you couldn't understand what he was referring to exactly, not until you thought back on the two times you two had met before.
he watched your pointer finger, the one you'd been gliding along the rim of your glass freeze. He didn’t speak, neither did you. it seemed like neither of you was breathing for a few seconds. The air in the room was getting colder, and so were the tips of your fingers as they hung above and barely touched the rim.
Gulping the saliva that gathered on top of your tongue, you contemplated whether you should provide an answer to his question or just ignore it like it was never asked at all. This was a question no one had ever asked you since the entire cheating situation had happened. it was always ‘are you okay?' or ‘Did you move on?’. something of the sort. Not once did anyone wonder whether it still stinged your heart every time the image of your ex popped up before your eyes or not. not once did anyone ask if the scene still haunted you after all these months or not.
But it’s not like you were mad or pointing accusatory fingers at anybody. the pain was yours, and only you shall bask and drown in it. only you shall figure out how the fuck to get the hell out of that dark pit and heal from it.
It was just something that you yourself were too caught up in the hurricane of your grief and bitterness to even ask your own self, ‘does it really still hurt?’, ‘Are you getting any better?’, 'are you still stuck?', 'what if you're stuck there forever?'
It took a long moment before you could manage a proper reply to that stirring query. until you uttered a small ‘he died’ loud enough for him to hear.
From the corner of your eyes, you could see him lifting his head, yet he remained silent. you rawly added, "the asshole died in a car accident like nothing had happened at all... tell me," you paused to lift your tremling hand and rest its palm over your chest, right where you heart was beating fast, " how should I mend what’s been ruptured in here now..? Why is it even still hurting..? Why am I mad..? I don't understand. Do you..? I…”
Yoongi took his time to answer, humming then absent-mindedly nodding his head before speaking again, “it takes some time.”
“how do you know that?” you inquired again, lifting your head to have a look at his side profile.
“I know how it feels to be abandoned by someone so special, at the very least.”
“you got dumped?” you blurted.
He let out a breathy scoff, lightly scratching at the skin under his left eye with flushed cheeks.
“did you really have to say it that way?” he hissed playfully and wet his lower lip, eyes pinned on yours, “but yes, my ex left me to chase after her dreams.”
somewhere deep in those dark orbs, you could catch a glimpse of something sorrowful, but it quickly vanished as he attempted to smile and then looked away.
“I guess we’re both losers, then.” you downed the three quarters full glass in one draft. The room was spinning. you were feeling gradually more light-headed.
“We are not losers just because we got our hearts broken.” Yoongi, on the other hand, didn’t sound that buzzed yet. his voice got deeper, and his words stood steady the more he talked.
“Then what are we? If not a loser, then what does being cheated on or abandoned for some worldly goal make you?" tears started welling up from deep inside, but even in your dizzy state, you couldn't let them out. not at that moment, not with Yoongi some inches away from you. you gulped, and with a trembling voice, you muttered, "being stuck in one square while they move on with their lives and build castles for themselves, then have the audacity to die like nothing had happened at all, what does that make you?”
“a lover. being betrayed by a loved one despite all the unconditional love you offered makes you somebody who loves so sincerely. a wretched lover."
you allow his words to set in, analyzing them briefly and pondering before letting a snort out.
“That's even worse.” you said, bitterly.
Yoongi smiled, equally bitter as you, "turns out we're actually more similar than I had thought."
a ‘do you need anything else, dear?’ popped your little bubble up when the bartender showed up again, not once glancing at the man sitting right next to you as he addressed all of his attention towards you.
“no, we’re leaving.” came a sharp answer from Yoongi, and when you glanced at him you saw that his face held a stiff expression, one that was very different from the wide smile and crinkly eyes it was displaying some minutes ago.
The bartender turned his head towards him with a flat smile, then excused himself to serve some new customers.
“we’re leaving?” you tilted your head with furrowed eyes in confusion.
“yeah. you look gone as hell, and it’s getting late.” he started getting up, “i’ll give you a ride.”
“That sounds about right.” absently nodding your head, you stood up as well, and he guided you out of the building.
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The door to your flat beeped once automatically unlocked, and just as you stepped in, you were faced with Saera. she stood there with her hands on her hips, eyeing your drunken state, unsatisfied. her shoulders lowered, and her brows rose as soon as she caught sight of Yoongi standing right behind you, then said: “you two..”
Yoongi began explaining the situation briefly to her, scratching the back of his neck as he stuttered on his words and blushed.
“she's not that wasted. All is good. Just put her to bed.” he finished his summary and hummed, satisfied with himself.
Before Saera could say anything, you grumbled an “I can take care of myself just fine.” and walked up to your room with unsteady steps, waving them off.
“and I'll go.” Yoongi mumbled, quickly walking out with a ghost of faint red still remaining on his plump, milky cheeks.
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