#and its baffling and it doesnt make any sense but its the only thing that feels like it makes sense and it feels right to step towards it

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

half 11 at night gender hits different

[sad--tree]

it's an instant -30% if u don't demo but...... is that only if it works???? i don't wanna lose unnecessary marks bc lord knows ill be losing plenty already bc my assignment is a piece of crap but god..... the STRESS of running a program u KNOW won't work IN FRONT of ur instructor ????? dread. despair. dying

[ganondoodle]

totk is like a highly polished alpha build of a game to me

graphic- fantastic, i just love botws style of graphics, its the perfect blend of something more realistic but very stylized and timeless

visual design- great, i cant stand anything sonau (zonai), and ganondorfs concept art is better than final (and still involves lots of annyoing stereotypes) but overall still pretty solid

sound design- phenomenal, it really is, the underground, the rain on the parasail? unmatched, already loved botw but they really outdid themselves here

music- possibly best in the series to me, like ... theres so many fantastic tracks, in isolation i love so many of them so much ... which sucks bc being connected to such a lackluster rest sours them badly

mechanics- working but undercooked/unfit for the world, its impressive they got ultrahand working at all, but its still clunky/quickly frustrating and badly balanced also contributes to utterly destroying botws world design- this ability was simply not made for this world and is in the end both detrimental to it and itself, bc that mechanic could have truly shined in a game REALLY build around it (... if they could manage to balance it well and stop handing you the solution, it would be funyn if it werent so sad how many times the game literally doesnt even make you engage with its main gimmick bc it just hands you the prebuild thing) time reversal breaks every puzzle/challenge, also unbalanced, ceiling jump is the most harmless but i still think it lets you skip too much

writing- worst in the series, where would i even start with that, not a single character is written well/interestingly, most detrimentally the main characters, .. like all of them, zelda, ganondorf, rauru... and the "story", its barely even bare bones, its plain cardboard with an old divine right propaganda slogan written on, continuity in a direct sequel is non existant, there is no follow up on anything, why did they call it that when they dont seem to have any love for anything botw did given how much they trample over everything it established, i struggle to believe they actually thought this was good, theres has to have been trouble during development

world design/changes- a joke, ... i dont know how people dont feel scammed by how little was actually changed, no, a few rocks sprinkled througout are not meaningful changes, i was one of the people not worried about them reusing the world bc i loved this world and was sure theyd meaningfully change it- god how wrong i was; the sky and underground are both like the bare bones with textures and placeholder rewards/points of interest, they both do not matter at all and their potential is yet again utterly, painfully, wasted and only add more points of destruction to the map in case of the sky, and both add confusion about everything, not the good kind of intriguing confusion, the bad nothing makes sense confusion it really does seem like they put some quick changes into every main point of interest where most players would go to make them think they changed things when .. they only changed these parts, barely, either bc they knew everyone would skip around the world anyway so it wouldnt be worth it, or bc its ... unfinished

game design/structure- baffling (bad), connected to the point above, but it truly is beyond me why they repeated the exact same structure as botw while removing what made that work, why would you repeat every point of interest of the previous game, i know zelda games always have their regions and thats where stuff happens, but they REUSED THE SAME WORLD, you CANNOT repeat the exact same points in the same world, you just cant, its the same places, the same characters, the same structure (aka dungeons being less interesting/easier titans (divine beasts) with a paint job in structure), you basically erase the well integrated ancient tech civilization to replace it with another, not well integrated, more boring and overly pushed into your face, ancient tech civilization and make them the answer to everything that ever was (BORING), the same story structure (but worse, like the memory system but remove what made it work in botw)- AND THEN repeat the same points in the underground too? thats bonkers, literally baby bananas

dungeons/puzzles - worse than botw by FAR, as mentioned above, dungeons are less interesting titans with a paintjob (plus an extraordinarily awful cutscene, which is repeated like FIVE TIMES almost word for word), they serve no purpose but to act like they are totally real traditional dungeons when they are not, they are laughing at you, shrines are back with a paintjob with less interesting puzzles (if they even have one given how many just give you a spirit orb knock off) that can all be skipped, though the puzzles can often not even be called that (put log over gap WOOOAH puzzle) among many awful and unecessary tutorial ones (its not bad to have easy ones, but aside from the few ones that take all your stuff away -omg restrictions in MY freedom tm game??- which are the best ones, to have none be even a little challenging or not utterly skippable without even using glitches, its like they didnt even try to stop you from cheating, which is like being given a skip button with no strigns attached, doesnt even let you feel smart bc you dont have to try to cheat)

UI/controls- awful, you cant tell me this was tested by real people playing for longer than 10 minutes at once, how did the ghosty sage control scheme and arrow/weapon fusing get through this, HOW, its unbelievably tedious and detrimental to any fun (as im doing with my rewrite, a crafting system would have been so good here ..... like a proper simple crafting system, have the materials, craft your new arrow types in stacks etc) the ghost sages are not only utterly useless in combat, but clog your screen, play distracting animations as soon as you look at a slope, you constantly accidentally activate them or the wrong one bc its mapped to the main interact button!!! if you use them say goodbye to your framerate, fights are now spent chasing after some ghost guy whos actively running away from you, they do not invoke a feeling of 'connection' to my 'friends', they are invoking feelings of hatred and frustration

performance- ... passable (if you dont have the sages out .... well, it runs better than pokemon scarlet so i guess its fine, the lag when closing and opening the menu is rly annoying, especially combined with the finger and patience breaking menues and how often you need to open a game pasuing menue, but fights with a monster horde AND the sages out? yeah no its as bad as pokemon scarlet at its worst, not to mention the chaos of having five useless ghost scramble around you getting knocked around by enemies)

price- a scam, this game is not worth 70 bucks, its just not, if you get a used copy and dont spend more time in it than it takes for you to just go straight to the main points, or if you dont care about anything else but dicking around with a clunky building system ... then you can have some fun with it yeah ..... still not worth 70 money, theres probably better building games out there for less too

it jsut feels not done, not finished, its presentation and some parts are highly polished and their marketing for it is unlike anything i have ever seen, but its so .... unfinished, no amount of epic visuals is gonna let me not think of this game being half done at best, after what, 6 years of development no less? with most assets already being there and being reused unaltered??

(i am holding tightly onto the theory of it either having an extremely troubled development that is being hidden bc of their reputation, or some sort of neglect in order to focus on other more lucrative projects, this is just all too weird to me)

[bcitisthelight]

hey remember when we were discussing how weird the whole cliegg thing is in AOTC. and you had thoughts, feelings and emotions. tell me about those XOXO

(Big TW for this post - I discuss human trafficking, sex trafficking, rape, child abuse, slavery, and PTSD in this post. It's about the realities of slavery and Tatooine and how it involves the Skywalkers.) Something that I almost never see in any discussion on the Lars family is how sharply the fanon headcanons and characterizations of diverge from the ones we get in the moves. Like, particularly Cliegg and the prequel trilogy. Like - I feel like there's this automatic assumption that the Lars loved Shmi and that they cared for Luke out of dedication to her and her family, and it's this huge found family vibe but like can I be real. Can I be super real right now. It’s something that I find kind of baffling, because when I watched Attack of the Clones, and on every rewatch since (and there have been many), it always seems kind of obvious to me that Cliegg bought Shmi as a slave, presumably as a house slave, if not outright as a part of sex trafficking. And I don't mean in one of those "He bought her to free her, he's a good guy, etc etc". I mean, he bought her as a slave with the original intention of keeping her as a slave. And what's really interesting, is you can get pretty much all the clues about that from the exchanges between Anakin has with Watto, his and Shmi's former master.

Again, I want to stress that, because I think it's crucial that we see this for what it is - not an exchange between a former employee and his boss, not an exchange between a kid and a member of his former community. His former slavemaster. The man who won him and his mother in a gambling game like so many fancy necklaces. The source and object of Anakin's childhood enslavement. Watto would have beaten them. He made Anakin, a child of 9 - and I read somewhere once that Anakin started in the races at 6 - ride in a pod race that no human has ever won before, with the full expectation that he would die. This is a being whose entire life has revolved around the certainty that society is not only capable of functioning, but functions best, when sentient beings can be bought and sold like property. And, to be real with you, because this is a thing that happens to people who suffer enslavement, he very likely loaned them out temporarily for sex trafficking purposes for a quick buck - a practice that is noted historically in virtually every society that operated on a system involving slaves.

It's important to recap that, because I do think it's impossible to understand how deeply horrifying the conversation they have is without that context. Like, let's look at how he tells Anakin about Shmi -

This scene is....so telling to me. From the outset, Watto said he sold her as a slave. Like, it was a slave exchange. Watto heard about her freedom later - clearly, Cliegg bought her, and behaved in a way - intentional or not - that Watto believed he was buying her as a slave to own as a slave. That part is not subtext, that's just actual text.

"But Mikhayla" some will say "he freed her the second he bought her - he bought her in order to free her." Except....there is genuinely nothing in the movies, and off the top of my head, the wider narrative, that ever indicates that that's true. In fact it makes no sense in that case, for Watto to have not known that Cliegg was buying her in order to free her. Why would he have to hide that? Watto presumably doesnt care what happens to her, because he's selling her. In the larger materials, its said that his shop fell on hard times, and in the movies, we can see the proof. The script says he's sitting outside his shop, but at that point it resembles more of a kind of beaten down stand. He's still selling junk, but less and of poorer quality - presumably, he's spent all his money on gambling debts. And the thing is, slaves are expensive. He sold her years prior, and I bet he fed himself on that money for a very long time - he was a very motivated seller, as barbaric as that language is to use about a transaction involving a human person. He's not going to be fussy over why the person buying her wants to buy her. There's also the fact that this is a society that vastly runs on slavery, and large plantation owners would often "rent" out slaves to smaller but still profitable farms. And Cliegg is a moisture farmer with presumably a large tract of land for water vaporizers. If anything, I can see Watto having rented Shmi to her, Cliegg taking a liking to her, and then approaching Watto to buy her. I mean, if he's profitable enough to just buy a slave, then he clearly had at least some money. "He spent his whole savings!" Show me that in the text. "He loved her from the start!" Show me that in the text. "But Mikhayla," yet others will say, "he did free her! And then married her! He clearly meant from the start to free her, and only bought her to get her away from Watto. He could have never seen her as property. Who would marry their slave?" Except, in the real world, this is...another thing we see across multiple historical records, masters buying women as slaves and then later freeing them in order to legally marry them. PARTICULARLY in societies that operate so heavily on an entire caste system involving slaves - we can look to the Roman Empire, for example. Countless Roman officials, merchants, and military officials bought women, fell in love with them, and freed them in order to marry them. "But maybe she said yes!" (I know these are not your objections, but as you know, I'm an attorney, which means I constantly have to find an argument to fight against). So, to this imaginary detractor I say: I feel like it should be rather obvious, but I'll say it just in case - it is impossible for a slave to consent to any action they perform at the request of a slave master. It cannot happen. A woman who is enslaved cannot consent to marrying the man who bought her, and who has very likely been raping her up until this point, and wants to now marry her - usually, to make any children he had by her legally his children, and therefore citizens, rather than slaves themselves.

So really, whether or not Cliegg had a change of heart doesn't actually change my mind about his actions towards Shmi. I don't care if Cliegg DID love her - in fact, I'm sure he DID love her. People can and have convinced themselves of all kinds of moral superiority, people can claim to love someone while owning them as property! Shmi could never consent to marrying a man who held her as a slave. Even if he freed her, and she willing chose to stay there for a few years, and then he asked her to marry him. In my head, you can't overcome that power imbalance. Cliegg will never not be a man who once believed Shmi was a thing to be owned. He will never be a man who didn't see her as property. Like, at some point, it actually becomes kind of more and more unlikely that this is a guy who took up this transaction for non-malicious purposes. Because we simply do not see it in the movie. What I see in the movie is a slave owner saying he fell on hard times and sold his slave to a farmer who probably needed help on his land or in his house - he has no wife, so the latter is probably more likely. I see him saying that at the time of the transaction, he had no idea that Cliegg intended to free her. And for all that Cliegg calls Shmi his darling, his love, his wife - not once do we ever hear of any evidence that Shmi saw this as a love match. In fact, the only thing we find out about her daily life with the Lars family is that in the mornings, she wakes up early and goes to pick mushrooms. You know. A task for the house. An unpleasant task, done before everyone else is awake, that she does absolutely alone. I'm just saying. These implications are not good ones. I will say though, for all this, do you know what really sells me on the idea that the relationship between Shmi and Cliegg is is not a consensual one, is Anakin's reaction to it. This is a boy whose entire hopes and dreams have revolved around his mother's freedom. You have more excellent writing than me on this, but the moral injury Anakin suffers leaving his mother behind is. Intense. All he wants is to one day free her. In a way, a part of him is always that tiny boy who couldn't bear the idea of leaving behind his mom, who swore, the last time he saw her, that he would free her. And at this moment, all of his dreams have seemingly come true! His mother is free. According to Watto, she's found love, and married. For all he knows, she's had other children. Maybe that could involve SOME complicated emotions, but mostly you would expect that he would feel, at the very least, relieved. Happy. Interested, curious. Instead, this is his reaction:

He's grim, business like. He is not happy. He is not relieved. He doesn't even seem to acknowledge that she's still alive - the way he reacts is not a man who thinks his mother is out of danger. To Anakin, who grew up enslaved until 9 and knows how this society works, it seems almost immediately apparent that the Lars are just a different kind of danger. There's also this rather interesting detail:

This is a boy who bleeds, every second of every day, longing for a family. He basically begs at obi-wan's feet day and night, to be acknowledged as a son. His reaction to his wife's pregnancy is radiant joy - his reaction to know she could die, profound existential horror. I mean good god, he basically turns Palpatine aka Satan Himself into a father figure, because he's that desperate for one. And here, this man is claiming him as his family. He's talked about being excited to see him. He talks about planning with Shmi to meet him. He calls him "son". And Anakin doesn't give him another moment of his time, the second those words are out of his mouth. It's silence. For a boy who is so starved for intimacy he genuinely falls in love with the very first girl who was ever nice to him, to react to a claim of relationship this way. It's bizarrely out of character for him. Unless it isn't. UNLESS he's disgusted by that claim, instead of relieved by it. If he thinks his mother has been bought and then forced into marriage, of course he hates Cliegg. I remember when we were watching the movie together, and remember I said to you "You can just tell Anakin is thinking, 'Call me son one more fucking time'" And can I be real, I have so much more to say about this. As you know, I actually have essays of opinions and feelings about Shmi Skywalker and her horrible life, and how Anakin was the one bright point she had in that horrible life. I have feelings about how she gave away her only happiness, because she knew he did not deserve the life of a slave. I had ideas about how you could turn this into a way to actually fix AOTC and make it better, a way you could use it as an excuse to get rid of the Tusken arc entirely without losing the tragedy of his mother's death. But this post is already so fucking long and I'm sure you're tired of me talking xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[kvothbloodless]

I will say the whole "that's AI" "no it isnt" thing, the whole "AI is ginna make it impossible to tell whether a photo is real or not" thing, kinda drives me insane. Like. You remember photoshop exists, yea? This is nearly word for word the way the (only somewhat unjustified) panic about photoshop went. And its true! The existance of easily accessed photoshop Did make it slightly harder to determine whether a photo was real or not! You had to use some common sense and always retain some skepticism about anything other than a well verified image. But this didnt cause any like. Massive widescale issues.

So Im always just Baffled by this line of fear about AI cause like...this doesnt actually make the problem any worse? Photoshop is already extremely widespread and accessible? AI is probably not going to have a large effect on the number of well disguised fake images circulating, once the initial buzz runs out (alsp happened with photoshop, afaik).

Continuing with slightly more serious thing under the cut

This is also true for AI porn. Like, im not gonna get into the ethical debate about it, but regardless of anything else. Fake porn of celebrities already exists! There are in fact multiple websites dedicated to it. Using photoshop. A creep taking someones photos off facebook and using photoshop to make porn of them is Already an issue, which is why there are already policies about it, which can neatly be used with AI doing the same thing, because its functionally identical.

I cant remember the exact post, but there was one going around a while ago that essentially said "the barrier to doing [bad thing] isnt really how easy it is to do or how accessible it is, its people being willing to do it". AI is a decent step up from photoshop in terms of accessible ways to make decent quality fake images, but its a Miniscule increase compared to the one that occured when photoshop and social media became widespread. Since then, the barrier has been "how many people are willing to lie or be creeps", and AI isnt really going to have that big affect on how skeptical you need to be of important images that might be fake or how careful you should be with images of yourself online.

[zeeverseconfession]

hello. it's me. (no, this is not fantasy au stuff.. i wish it was 🙁)

its just about the serious topics in zeeverse from the top of my head.. some of my stuff here might be wrong

Death & Grief: Seen when Box had died — their death affecting Globe, sending her into a sense of grief. From what we saw (or what i remember), it was like she had lost a piece of herself, and found it difficult to do certain things

Alcoholism: Debit Card. Recently just introduced, but we can see that Debit Card is a heavy drinker, supposedly due to stress? To get away from any memories of her (purse). It's used as a coping mechanism.

Stalking & Obsession: As much as you may like Globe, she's a stalker. Yeah, hate to break it to you — she's got an unhealthy obsession with a married man, and has stalked him.. creepy.

Depression: I think multiple characters have this, but the one that comes to mind in specific is Box (also because it's on their wiki). Depression can lead to things like suicidal tendencies, and that's been seen once before in them (when Azriel had offered for them to sell their soul, they agreed in a heartbeat.)

Along with her backstory, which could be part of the reason why he's depressed. Box is probably one of the.. few? many? characters who have depression.

Anxiety & Panic Attacks: .. not sure, possibly Grenade? When stressed, they seem to feel like their losing control over the situation, along with a tremble (voice or body, can differ). These two examples can be linked as symptoms of a panic attack.

From what we see, they struggle to put their thoughts into words. Making it hard to express what exactly they're feelings at the moment.

Crime: Literally, almost everyone in New County has committed some sort of crime.. I think. Can't think of any from the top of my head, but the only person I can think of who went to jail was Mug.. (pot & globe, almost)

ill do the rest when i FEEL like it

what about dynamite for crime…. :(

i feel personally attacked by grenades, not because it happens to me all the time, but because it never happens to me ever. yeah contrary to popular bwlief i have never had a panic or anxiety attack i think. im just a really nervous guy lol. i tend to exaggerate grenades nervousness a lot, its something i did in the beginning before the roleplay got more serious, and then i realize i didnt exactly characterize grenade right at all. or atleast not to my liking. whatever. :(

i feel personally attacked by the last part tho again not because it doesnt happen to me at all but because it happens to me all the time. okay giys class dismissed /j also anxiety like ACTUAL anxiety rapier i think bcuz it was in his bio…though its kinda puzzling cuz rapiers shown to be very nervous at times and then also really nonchalant and calm at others???? man. idk.

stalking and obsession is obviously globe shes basically the mascot of it all. mollie too but tbh compared to globe you could call mollies just an interest, or something. augh globes just like me fr i hate it

ive said this before but i NEVER ever couldve seen DC as an alcoholic coming. out of every unhealthy coping mechanism ever…drinking? it just doesnt seem so debit card-y. infact DC striked me as the type to be against this kind of stuff. so it just baffles me a lot.

ill tag this later im @ the beach and used my phone too much for this

[neyliaart]

Story time

Because I suddenly remembered.

Lets take this from the top. I live in a family where its usual you get a clasp. Not the kind where people will tell you "it was just a clasp" and are actually hitting there child. But the type of how you would clap your buddy on the shoulder to encourage them. That kind of thing. So, naturally, my family did it to me, meaning well all the time. To encourage me for example. I always used to tell my mother and anyone else in my family who did it that it hurt and if they could stop it.

My mother told me "that cant hurt" and to "stop being dramatic" and before you lash out at her please read further cause my mom isnt actually bad as she may sound right now. This isnt a story to lash out at my mom!

Naturally this left me with a bunch of issues nonetheless because, well, it never hurt a lot. Id say about 2-3 out of 10. But being told "this CAN NOT hurt" and believing it meant anything that is on a scale of 2-3 out of ten is pain that is literally unable to exsist. So you can imagen how that turned out but thats a different story.

Now context is needed. My mom met my step-dad, her now husband. He is cook so he has to do with knifes a lot and that man has an incredibly high pain Tolerance. Like its insane to me. To an extend where it is frequent he comes home with cuts on his fingers he didnt know he had. He legit cuts himself on accident and does not notice because to him it does not hurt. My mother was baffled by this for about a year I think because "How do you not notice? It has to hurt" and she could not wrap her head around that it didnt hurt him and he didnt notice.

She did manage to come to terms with the fact that her husband has high pain tolerance and really just doesnt feel pain easily. This was around the time i was 18. This was also around the time my mother was struck by a thought. If her husband had high pain Tolerance then maybe her child had the opposite problem.

In all honestly of this world my mother did not consider before that it actually hurt when I said it hurt. Because for her it did not. It took her 18 years of my life to think about the possibility that I, as her child, might experience pain differently. I feel like my step-dad is essential to this story because my mother ONLY came to this conclusion in the form of "the opposite of what [insert husbands name] has". She didnt even have a word for it or anything. Which leads me to firmly believe she would not have had this conclusion if her husband had a pain tolerance that is considered more average.

Again. This is not to bash my mom. Once she had that idea she came to me, we talked about it, she apoligized and she has since stopped doing that. I am now 20. Its been two years and I dont hold it against her because I know she genuinly did not consider.

And that just baffles me so extremly. Because it really does not hurt for her (which is hard for me to imagen because it always hurt a little for me) and therefore she really earnestly thought that it "Could not hurt" as she told me when I was younger. It took my mother 18 years to realize that I wasnt just being dramatic for no reason, but instead might simply experience the world differently from her. Which is just. Insane to me to think about.

And I think we all SHOULD think about it. Because to this day I still cant imagen how it CANT hurt for her and how my stepdad can cut into his own finger and not notice because he doesnt feel any pain about it. It makes no sense to me. So its not like I am better. I believed for about 18 years of my life everyone on earth was just fine with this low level pain being a friendly gesture until that day it fully clicked that it really DOES NOT HURT for others.

The only difference was that I never held any power to tell other people that "Of course it hurts" while my mother, as my mother, did hold the power to tell me I was wrong and it didnt hurt. And its not hard to tell people they are wrong about something you inately believe is true. The way I experience pain is the same way I experience colors and the same way i would tell you the sky is blue. If anyone told you the sky is actually red and always had been (as a silly example and mind game for anyone whose still here) you would say "No? Its obviously blue!"

Well. Not exactly but something to that extent would be the first thought at least. Because of course the sky is blue. Always has been. So of course the other person is wrong. While in reality the sky for them might simply be red the same way I simply feel pain stronger and sooner than others might. But the inate thought isnt "oh the sky must be red for them then." because it goes against the world view we have ever since born. And going against that world view is hard but it can literally change peoples lifes because sometimes its not about the color of the sky. Sometimes its about something even more major than how your child experiences pain.

So yeah

No real point here

I just think thats something worth thinking about

And to remember that another person might not be bullshitting you simply because what they said is something that doesnt fit with your most natural world view. Maybe their world is just a little different

[thedevilsrain]

waw personal post about having sisters and radicaI feminsm underneath

had like. an interesting chat with my sister about... basically trans issues yesterday. she isnt a full blown t3rf, she basically agrees Trans People Exist And Are Not Perverts (a thought my other sister doesnt share), but she agrees with a lot of transphobic and t3rf sentiments, mostly out of sheer ignorance

i broke down to her a few stereotypes, such as that there is a binary between trans people and their appearance (transfems are always feminine, transmascs are always masculine, non binary people are always "androgynous"), told her there are trans people who dont go on t, and that trans women literally never equalize their upbringings to that of cis women - they equalize their upbrings to that of other trans women

also told her that the fact transmascs are rarely seen in media/news arent because of "misogyny", its because the media finds it much easier to attack a "man" dressed as a "woman", than a "woman" dressed as a "men" (which then reveals their own transphobia because they just think the latter case is a "confused woman" while the first is a "pervert" if that makes sense)

and like.. it was good. she listened. again, most of it came from ignorance - hearing all the shit our other sister says, and not knowing any trans people herself, besides from the videos of Bad Trans People she would see shared around

(specifically, she brought up a video she'd told me about before, of a trans person at a rally saying "Iesbians will suck dick!" and saying she was baffled by it; to which i calmly explained there were not just trans women who were lesbians, but cis women who dated them, and that the matter of genitaIia isnt, for the lack of a better word, "ignored" or "forced" upon cis women)

funny enough the only thing we hit a wall out was the word t3rf itself - i told her at the end that it was nowhere close to being a slur like the T slur, and she said "t3rf is to feminits what the T slur is to trans people". when i told her "being called a t3rf doesnt get you killed in the streets" she scoffed and said "of course it does", even she stated herself braziI remains the country that kills the most trans people

i gave up after that mostly because we were both kind of tired, but another thing i hit a roadblock at was when she said "i'm honestly just tired of this whole discussion", and it honestly hurt me a bit. not because she didnt want to continue discussing it, but idk, just the way she said it made it seem like "oh can we discuss if trans people deserve to live some other day"

and on a darker note when i told her our sister wants trans people to die, she said (jokingly) "no she doesnt, she just wants them like.... to go away", and i said "yeah, go away, hide in the closet, and die" and she actually laughed and agreed because we both know that its the level our other sister has reached

overall again as i said, surprisingly good talk. shes very hesitant to mention the topic of trans issues with her Igbt friends because of her own bigoted friends, and i hope shes at least more willing to learn now

also she hopefully learned that jk roIando (as i call her) Is Bad because shes literally associating w friends of neo nazis now lol

[ddontyyoukknow]

i am more confused baffled and abgry than i am sad rn. i am upset thati cant type.i am hungry an why am i hungry in the middle of the night, how can i have a nice house one day. how cani have a rich mom.how can i go to africa. how cani have a mom who is not a shell of her true self. am i doomed to mourn for her inlife. am i just doomes to mourn as the only eson who sees things as they can be. am i doomed to hate. it feel lieki am doomed to hate everytign an everyone. the fact i am not typig perfectly is angerin gme. the fact i havet been to disney?? why why i fi love oto so muh how come i havent had the chancw to go how come i have been rejected the chanve to see my ittl sister the one person who cares for me. how come? how come i havelost all my good momentum how m=come i must always allow myself to be so lost why cant i be found. its not fair. if i done deserve to be found i am the most deservin gperson to be found. i am the mst deserving person to be found if i am not found then noones else should be it jist doesnt make any sense. 

[goffilolo]

Mana Immunity!AU

Out of my way people, I am about to become the funniest person in Black Clover fandom. That’s right, I got a whole ass new AU for you because apparently I don't have enough of those. Hear me out.

Asta can’t sense any mana because he has none, we know that stuff. But you know what would be absolutely HYSTERIC?! If his body was unable to interact with mana at all because of it. I’m talking full on mana immunity. It’s like fuckin shrimp colours, they’re out there in the world but i can’t fuckin see them cause i’m not a shrimp and therefore they make no difference to me. This is what I demand.

I want Asta’s body to not even comprehend the very existence of mana, any attack either slides off, bounces or goes through like a mist with zero reaction or even knowledge that anything even happened. In fact he can’t even SEE this shit, because it’s shrimp colours to him as well.

This obviously has its cons as well, such as no healing spells, but let’s be real for him to need healing he first needs to be hurt and good luck finding someone who can harm Asta without use of magic, I’m pretty sure the only who could is Yami and that’s via pure strength and sword skill, everyone else can legit fuck off.

In fact because Asta can’t see magic, up until the age of like 5 he didn’t think magic was real, he thought it was one of those made up things like tooth fairy or some shit. And even now when he’s older all he sees is people with floating books waving their hands around and shouting some words with zero context. You try to use a spell on Asta? The most reaction he’d give you is ‘oh we’re doing your pretend magic now? Do you want me to act like I got hit with your spell?’ This introduces so much comedy potential it’s unreal.

Notable examples I came up with in no particular order:

Volcano training. Everyone is sweating their tits off. Meanwhile, because all of this heat is from mana induced lava Asta is not feeling the heat at all. He’s like ‘bestie’s none of it is real’ and they’re looking at him like he should be institutionalized. Mereoleona thinks he's trying to act tough and hits him with a spell and it does fuckin nothing, Asta doesnt even know he got hit with a spell, she’s losing her mind and shaking Yami, asking him where he found that weirdo.

The battle of qliphoth. Lucifero shows up with his ‘presence of the king’ shuffle and everyone goes down while Asta is just standing there baffled as to what’s going on. I call this powermove the “Babygirl, gravity is just a hallucination”

Yami sometimes grabs Asta by the head just to use him as a shield because magic does nothing to him, happens at least once a day.

Asta does not show up on any detection/map spells like the one Mimosa and Siren have. This results in start of rumours that Asta may or may not be a ghost, or some fuckin mana immune spirit possessing a dead body. Yuno is banging his head against the wall when Mimosa tries to get some intel from him about Asta’s life and whether or not he had any accidents that no one should’ve came out alive from.

I will eventually bring you more ideas for this, but this is the basic premise, do with that what you will.

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[minamotoz]

my hbo degrassi wishlist bc i have a Lot of thoughts about it

• i want them to bring back fictional bands like gourmet scum or dead hand, maybe even release a song like they did with paisley jacket

• better neurodiverse rep, especially autism. no offense to my boy connor, i love him and hes one of my favorites, but he definitely feels like a stereotype more than anything and in his later seasons they treat him like a child and characters have to explain concepts like suicide and racism to him, despite him being 16-18 . i hope if they introduce an autistic character, they dont talk down to them like they did with connor.

• idk how possible this will be, but i want them to bring back major characters acting as background characters like they do in degrassi classic. also, but likely even less possible, it would be cool if the child actors could give feedback on the scripts to make things more realistic like they did with DJH/DH. idk i just think everything about the way degrassi classic incorporated the actors into almost every aspect of production is so cool

• i want characters with more relatable interests. i want characters who are into music without being musicians, or characters into drawing or anime or something. idk maybe this is just bc im a terminally online loser with no real life, but its kinda embarrassing when the character whos interests are the most relatable to me is the bigoted, almost a school shooter incel.

• look, im a NC apologist until i die, but i hope the way they go about writing social issues into the show is less... idk.. on the nose than NC was??? like yeah cool lets talk about feminism and how the internet dogpiles women for having harmless opinions, but the entire thing with maya and the feminist club vs the gamers was so over the top and all the characters, especially goldi, felt like caricatures. later parts of NC got back on the right track with more nuanced topics in a less cheesy way (saads story arc in NC4 my beloved <3) but it was a bit too little too late.

• i want the show to incorporate the cultures of the characters into their stories more. like, im somali and hazel is literally the only explicit somali rep ive ever seen that isnt a stereotype, and her culture and background is only mentioned ONCE (she isnt even played by a somali actor which Sucks but also isnt andrea lewis' fault) and degrassi is a pretty diverse show, so it really sucks that very few characters of color have had their cultures explored.

• hottest take of all time: I DO NOT WANT THE OLD CHARACTERS TO HAVE MAJOR ROLES. the amount of people who say that this new show should be a reunion for the earliest TNG cast do not understand the purpose of degrassi as a franchise at all and its baffling to me. it would be cool to have maybe a couple of characters show up but i dont want the show to have storylines about adult characters bc 1. thats not what degrassi is about and 2. it was boring 80% of the time TNG did it. i dont want a spemma divorce storyline, i dont want any character that isnt snake and maybe marco to come back (and i single out marco bc hes one of the only characters that would make sense for them to come back as a teacher). let the show be about a new generation of kids like degrassi has always been about.

• now this may come off as contradictory to what i just said, but i want references to past seasons and characters. i want someone to be like 'isnt it so weird that this school has so many famous alumni like craig manning or manny santos haha' or 'this school is cursed didnt you hear like 5 students have died here' or 'my cousin went here like 10 years ago did you know degrassi had uniforms at one point' idk it would be funny. hell it doesnt have to be dialogue it could be easter eggs in the background like the jt yorke memorial garden or how NC had posters for romeo and jules and captain who in the background

• a trans character who explores multiple different identities before settling on one. no offence to adam and yael, theyre both great, but adam came into the show with his identity already figured out and it took yael one episode of exploring their gender to find an identity they feel comfortable in, and thats fine! but i think it would be cool if we had a trans character who tried different labels and pronouns before settling on one they thought was right, maybe in a multiple episode arc. mainly just bc i know that not every trans person instantly knows what they are. on the topic of trans characters, maybe cast trans actors this time ????

[planet4546b]

ok i finished beyond light and wanna put some thoughts here about it while its on the mind. tldr destiny is simultaneously the stupidest game in the world and has moments that are really, really good

eramis is a hugely compelling character with a solid motivation, interesting backstory, and relates to the long running lore weve had about eliksni in absolutely FASCINATING ways. shes instantly one of my fave characters im incredibly compelled by her. they also say that she cant control the darkness because shes ‘too angry’ (?? what.)

given what we know about the darkness bc of 1. votd and 2. ikoras shredded notes, eramis being probably manipulated by the darkness (which. obviously so is the yw in this expansion) and 2. losing control of it explicitly because she couldnt move on from what happened to riis, eramis’ corruption is MUCH more compelling and complex. but in game theyre just like. oh she cant control it because shes evil. destiny. man come on

using darkness is a super fun way to tie new gameplay mechanics to plot, and make a much more concrete parallel between what the light and darkness can do (both being simplified as sources of power is fun) but they truly had some star wars level bullshit about how you control it. oh you can use it safely if its for a noble cause (eramis’ cause was noble). oh you can use it safely if youre strong enough (what???) oh you can use it safely if youre like a good enough person. its all vauge and kinda stupid.

AGAIN, in light of new lore, the idea that light and darkness can in fact be balanced and thats not a bad thing is an idea that works and is compelling (its not the same bullshit as ppl who talk about like ‘grey jedi’ like it does actually make sense). they just give the stupidest answers possible about how that works

actually i am really glad the exo stranger is here. i love her and im glad theyre in some way tying things back to d1 but it did also it still doesnt make sense. tbf none of the plot of this game ever does but whatever. if the black garden ties into shadowkeep (idk how i just know it does) shouldnt. they have put her there?? or made the vex more important here??? baffling. i am not immune to no time to explain though :(

exo stranger eris and drifter funniest group in the WORLD. i know they just grabbed the three characters that were loosely associated w darkness and gave very little info on how they teamed up or like. Why but good god if it isnt hilarious

destiny once again suffers from being an fps :/ girl you made a whole expansion that gives more information on the eliksni, shows them sympathetically in a lot of ways, and truly starts to develop them (more than they already were, which imho was a fair amount) and theyre STILL solely used as canon fodder. wheres that post about making faceless enemies and trying to give them a face lol bc i think of it all the time in this game

yes we did ALSO help save eliksni and maybe i would have felt different about this if i had been playing when this season had come out and had intereacted in any meaningful way with the eliksni in helm/in their city district but also. you know

once again i am saying that the vex are simultaneously the biggest actual existential threat in destiny and also the only enemy group that can truly actually be treated as faceless with no consequences, bc as far as we know they dont have a sense of self in the way we understand, which EVERY OTHER ENEMY GROUP (hive included!!!!) does. but what can you do.

i really like how little you see of the pyramid. also once again destiny environment design absolutely rules. braytech facilities riis-reborn and vex constructions all look so architechturally distinct, unique, interesting, and do a good job of storytelling from a visual perspective. europa is also absolutely GORGEOUS

i am for REALLLLLL worried about ghost. between darkness possessing him, the sheer amount that yw using darkness seems to legitimately terrify him, and also how he acts in wq im Concerned. last weeks strike being arms dealer and seeing how differently he acts in that era as compared to now is legit heartbreaking. also the sheer number of times is started quoting thin line out loud to myself directly after his lines about how scared he was of yw using darkness is UNREAL

i do genuinely think that this game is doing a good job of tying the specific ways that darkness is portrayed and comes up with the themes and lore about what it represents (mostly based on the shredded notes my beloved) and making that argument for what darkness is compelling. esp excited to see how thats executed in shadowkeep bc i think thats such a strong start for its introduction. like i truly can see how its connected and thats very fun

whole expansion being split between development for eliksni and exos (w bonus development for a d1 character) is so up my alley its unreal. enjoyed it overall but also good god destiny is a video game sometimes isnt it

[soup-du-silence]

Thoughts on the whole FOWL arc, particularly Bradford’s arc and his beef with Scrooge? I felt it wasn’t handled great at all, and I think I sympathized a bit more with Bradford than the writers had intended? I dunno, I just wanted Scrooge to be a bit in the wrong for ONCE and suffer real consequences. Never really bought or understood the show’s idea of family or adventure either, especially the VERY extended family they tried to make in Season 3.

i feel like pcs would have a good answer to this actually but Im personally really fuzzy on the whole bradford thing because ive only seen most of season 3 once and didnt enjoy a lot of it so Im....hm. bradford hates....the nebulous idea of adventure because its inconvenient and expensive? and also personally traumatic? am i understanding that correctly?

and for a while i remember thinking....is bradford going to be a vehicle for exploring why scrooge’s reckless, selfish behavior is terrible for everyone else in the world, why hoarding wealth is wrong, why looting other civilizations is wrong, is there going to be a big heel turn, and we’ll have to reconcile with how watching the show from his point of view has blinded us to the harm he’s causing, and why people like musk and bezos are actual real life villains, and is bradford actually going to be a guy you root for, like poison ivy, wouldnt that be SICK??? wouldnt that be smart and brave and interesting???

and then it not only did none of that, but it leaned extra hard into the nepotism angle, without a hint of irony, and im still totally baffled by it

the bradford thing ended up just being...petty and stupid. like if someone was tasked with writing poison ivy and was like “okay but we cant let her be too relatable, she’s right you know, and people know it, so instead of being an eco terrorist trying to reclaim mother earth from capitalist pigs at any cost, she’s just really mad cus someone overwatered her succulents when she went on vacation as a kid.” You HAD something, it was right there, and you had to dial it back because mickey’s signing your paychecks.

i so, so badly wanted scrooge to be WRONG. he IS wrong. He’s ALWAYS been wrong and thats very often the POINT of his character and I really expected that that would be something we could talk about at least a little in 2017-2021 but apparently not. like i HAVE to believe the crew knows, i follow a lot of them on twitter and I see how they talk about current events so I HAD hoped.

idk.

the family thing really got on my nerves after a while because it became a buzzword for, like, “we havent done a good job of selling you this idea but if we say it often enough then you have to accept it as true.” Especially in regards to webby. i think i brought it up sometime around when moonlander aired, because she kept dropping “family” in a way that didnt feel convincing to me and was really obvious every time it happened. and i had a whole long list of things that made it feel forced, starting with “scrooge literally fucking yells that she’s not family and this doesnt concern her and NEVER apologizes” and includes “wow webby says ‘my family’ about the ducks WAY MORE than anyone else says it about her” and “spending a whole season focused on della reconnecting with her biological family SPECIFICALLY, which webby is understandably and justifiably not a part of, leaving her out by necessity” and “lots of episodes about clan mcduck specifically and the power and importance of that bloodline, which is kind of icky actually, but we’ll just paint it as grand and noble and never mention non-mcducks like Quackmore or Elvira because Scrooge is literally the only one who matters.” 

and its hard to really sell Webby as part of the unit when you’re so obsessed with the bloodlines and heritage of One Man so I guess in that regard it makes sense why they did what they did. if you’re not gonna devote the time to explaining why she is good and why she matters INDEPENDANTLY of how much scrooge lore she has memorized then i guess yeah just slap some of his genes in her and make it fact because while I wanted to believe that she was part of the family, i dont feel like they ever did the hard work of convincing me she was. they just kept saying FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY until i went “god yeah shut up i get it”

like he NEVER FUCKING APOLOGIZED, guys. and she just forgives him before they ever see each other again. How fucking hard would it have been to have them sit down like “i didnt mean it, i was wrong, and if i didnt see you as my family then thats my own fault because you’ve been here under my roof your whole life and i had my head too far up my own cloaca to see what i was missing. that changes now, you’re one of us”

but that would mean admitting he was wrong. and scrooge is never wrong.

[perksofhs]

‘Please forgive me, I need you baby’

Harry and the missus disagree, and as always, the missus is right but it may be too late...

It had been 3 weeks. 3 weeks since he’d left. 3 weeks since you’d last seen him. 3 weeks of unbearable pain that you could no longer endure. All you could think about was him. You’d find your mind wandering, thinking about where he was, what he was doing, and especially who he was with. The argument that ended things had started with you being jealous of one of Harry’s female friends who, although he couldn’t see it, was getting a little too touchy feely and you’d been honest and told him how you felt. The argument then turned nasty, misguided accusations from both sides. You’d always trusted him and he’d always trusted you but in a fight you’d both bring up things from the past to back up your stupid arguments and this time it was too much and he couldn’t take it.

“Fine then Harry do whatever you want, go call your best friend, I don’t give a fuck! I’m sure she’ll love the attention that she seems to so desperately crave from you!” You’d regretted it the second you’d said it but there was never any stopping you in the heat of the moment. “For fuck sake! You bring her up all the time! I’d never do anything with her and I never fucking have either so stop! Do you not trust me? Is that it? 2 years, 2 years I’ve been nothing but loyal and for some reason every argument we have you throw it out there that I’m somehow going to cheat on you! I can’t take it anymore! If there’s no trust there’s no relationship!” Tears were brimming in his eyes and yours, your lip was between your teeth, physically stopping yourself from saying anything else because you knew, you knew that it was the last straw. “Don’t say that, you know I trust you, I always have, I just don’t trust her around you Harry, and I’m sorry but I just can’t see it any other way” you were now quietly sobbing. 

You’d never been the jealous type in any other relationship you’d had, but to be fair you’d never gone as deep and were never as committed to a relationship before this. You were in so deep and that scared you a little, the thought of it being taken away and you being alone again was just too much and when an argument arose you’d find yourself so shaken that you couldn’t control your insecurities and they’d just blurt out. It was strange though, Harry had women fawning over him wherever he went but none of them had ever made you insecure like this one particluar friend of his did. Mel was a tall leggy blonde, the typical LA instagram model type, and you were not that at all. You weren’t model thin or 6ft tall. You weren’t immaculately dressed in designer labels from head to toe every day. You didnt drive a luxury car or live in an expensive hill top home. You were just you. 

Unbeknownst to you, you just being you was what Harry loved the most about you. He loved that you weren’t like anyone else he had ever met. He loved that you were unequivocally yourself and you refused to change to yourself to fit a stupid mold. He loved that you didn’t give a single fuck about followers or likes or any sort of ‘public image’. His past relationships had all ended with the realisation that he was just being used, almost all of his ex girlfriend’s used him as a springboard into fame and nothing more. You were the opposite, you were grounded and real and he couldnt have bene more in love with you if he tried. He’d fallen just as hard as you had, he had planned out your future together, he could picture it all. He was so sure you were the one that he’d even bought a ring. 

“I don’t get why you think Mel would ever try anything like that with me? She knows we’re together, she even tells me how much she likes you and how much she wishes she could find something like what we have! You;re just fucking paranoid for fuck sake” Harry says, his brow furrowed in frustration and confusion. He cannot fathom why you would be so threatened by her. “Harry how can you not see how she looks at you? Or how she speaks to you or even about you! She like you and you’re fucking blind if you cannot see that!” You yell, hurt and genuinely baffled as to how he has been so oblivious to her advances. You let a sigh of frustration as the tears continue to rolls down your already mascara stained cheeks. Harry’s head was now in his hands as he tried to make sense of the argument. He was mad, upset and confused like he had never been and before you knew it he was on his feet, grabbing his keys and slamming the door behind him as he fled the small flat. 

You shake your head to stop yourself from playing that moment back for what feels like the millionth time since that night. You couldn’t stop thinking about him, about what you had and what you could have had if that night hadn’t happened. As you lay in the bed you had become pretty much attached to for the last 3 weeks your phone buzzed on your bedside table. You heart skips a beat still every time a text comes through, just hoping that its him, praying that its him, but it never is. 

Reluctantly you roll over, reaching for the phone and adjusting yourself to sit up for the first time this morning. You rub your eyes before tapping the screen and watching as your phone unlocks and revelas the message. Your heart stops as you read the 4 words on the screen. 

Harry xx: I’m coming over 

It took you a full minute to take in the words on the screen. 3 weeks of nothing and then suddenly this. It makes no sense. You quickly reel yourself back in, jumping up from the bed knowing he doesnt live far and he always texts you just before he pulls out of the driveway. You pad across the room to the nearest mirror, taking in the sight of your tangled hair and dark cirlces. You looked as you’d expect someone who hadnt slept for more than a couple of hours in 3 weeks would look. You were only in one of his soft tees, he had a drawer full at your flat, his excuse for it being ‘back up clothes just in case’, but really he knew how much you loved wearing them and he liked knowing that there was always a piece of him there all the time. 

You wandered into the living room, noticing the dirty dishes and used tissues you give the room a quick tidy. Knowing your appearance would enough of a giveaway for your state of mind without the flat giving away just how depressed you had been. After you tidy you find yourself on the couch, your head swirling in an attempt to prepare for what may be about to happen. Is he coming to officially break it off? Is he coming to make up? Is is coming back for his things? You can’t stop yourself from catastrophising the situation. The door buzzer snaps you from your thoughts and you approach the intercom. Even on the poor quality of the door cam you could see that he was tired, the bags under his eyes almost as big as yours and if you’re honest it makes you feel a little less self conscious. You press the receiver button and stutter out a “Its open” and watch as he enters the building. 

You wait by the door, your hand already on the door knob when he gently knocks. As you open the door you tak ein the sight before you, he’s in sweats,  his hair disheleved, his eyes puffy and tired. He does the same with you, he can tell immediately the state you have been in, it hurts him to see you just as tired and still just as hurt as when he walked out. He takes a quick breath in an attempt to hold in his tears before letting out a soft “Hi..”.

 “What do you want Harry?” it comes out harsher than you had wanted but he knew you had every right to be mad. “You were right. You were right about everything.” he says, tears welling in eyes. “What do you mean Harry?” you say now even more confused. “You were right about Mel! Fuck baby you were right about it all!” He says, pushing past you into the room. ‘Baby’ god how you missed him calling you that. “Let me get this straight? The last thing you said to me was that I was ‘paranoid’ and now you’re here telling me that I’m not?’ you shoot back, not wanting to immediately accept his grovelling. You could see the guilt as he dropped his head staring at his hands as he fidgeted with the rings on his fingers. “She tried to kiss me” he says, your eyes widening at the revelation. 

Harrys eyes find yours, a wave of panic comes over him “I didnt kiss her back! I promise I didn’t baby. Fuck how could I have been so fucking blind?” he proclaims, walking over to you as you remain gobsmacked by what has just been announced. “I knew it..” you whisper, looking down at the floor with teary eyes. you were amazed that your body could even produce more tears at this point. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry I called you paranoid, you had every right to be suspicious. I’m sorry that I left you. I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry.” by this point he’s standing in front of you, desperately trying to get you to look at him. “Please forgive me, I need you baby” he says, gently clasping his fingers with yours, you instinctively grasping his much larger hand. You;d imssed his touch so much. 

You slowly trail your eyes up from ground to finally meet his similarly teary eyes. “Harry you hurt me, you really fucking hurt me” you can’t hold back the tears now. “You couldn’t see what was obvious. You made me think i was crazy. You made me doubt myself. You have to know how painful the last 3 weeks have been.” He could see how hurt you were, and it killed him to think he was the reason. “I know. And I will never be able to apologise enough. I was mad, I thought I finally had a friend who wasn’t trying to manipulate or use me. I was blind. I was stupid. And I’m sorry I didnt call you or message you. I coudlnt bare being left on read or having my calls go unanswered. I also couldnt bare the thought of hearing you cry again. I know my excuses are poor but I just couldnt take it.” tears were now rolling down his cheeks as well. He let go of your hand, rainsing his hands to gently wipe the tears from your cheeks, his gaze not leaving yours for a moment. You unwillingly melted into his touch, you were still hurt but you couldnt deny how much you wanted him to just hold you. You could tell he was genuine in his apology. “Please baby, please say you still love me. Please.” he pleads once more. 

“I never stopped loving you Harry, I could never stop loving you no matter how hard I try.” your heartbreaks the thought of him thinking you didn’t love him because there was no way you couldn’t. “I forgive you, but you have to promise me that you will never do that to me again? I’ll promise to not blow up as easily but you have to promise to believe me. I can’t go through this again. I just can’t” Harry hangs on every word you say, releife evident in his face after you say the words he has been dying to hear. He can’t help but smile “I promise, I promise I will never do that to you again, fuck I love you so much” he says cupping your face before crashing his lips on yours, the kiss expressing how much you both needed each other. You rejoice in that moment for as long as you both need to. The kiss soft yet passionate. As you pull away, your smile matches his. “I missed you baby” you say before pecking another kiss to his lips just to feel them again. 

As you pull away, you bury your face in his chest, taking in the familiar warmth, his arms engulfing you in a much needed hug. Harry presses a kiss to the top of your head, holding you closer than he ever has before, not wanting to let go. “God I love you fucking much.” He says, kissing the crown of your head once more, “I love you too Harry, so fucking much.”. 

Finally, you were both back where you belong, both of you vowing to never hurt each other again. Content. Together. 

Hi lovelies!! This has been sat in my drafts for genuinely a year, a lot has changed since last time I posted. This is yet another installment of ‘The Words You Speak” series. I love writing a bit of fluff on a Sunday! I hope you’re all keeping safe in these crazy times. Enjoy and let me know if there is anything else you want me to write! Requests are always open xx 

[ackerman98]

The state of the SnK timeline

(plot holes ahead)

One thing that has left me very confused and that honestly doesn’t make sense to me about the ending is that according to this chapter, Eren had to let Dina eat Carla due to idea of the timeline remaining on the right course. What I'm struggling with is the sudden idea of fate being determined because of Eren using the founder, and reconciling that with him controlling Dina to save Bert, and also with other interactions Eren has had in past events. That's what I don’t get. Even worse, this reveal was added in the final chapter in such a vague way that we’ll never get answers. Am I the only one who finds this absurd?

We have had multiple chapters where the past was interacted with when Zeke and Eren entered paths. Isn't Grisha paths hugging Zeke and telling him to stop Eren via paths a huge intervention regarding fate/timelines? Isn't Eren being present at all in chapters 120-121 a problem regarding him influencing fate/timeline? This reveal in 139 would basically mean Eren telling his father to stand and fight back then was just an act, and Grisha wasn't influenced at all by Eren because that would cause the problem of leading him to affecting fate/timeline. If Eren had already set the future out for them once he got the founder’s full power then he shouldn’t have had to do that. (By Eren having to actually persuade his father to do it, we got the impression that Grisha could have just refused if he wanted to).

Think about it, this reveal basically cheapens everything. It means that Eren had a hand in all that happened till the final chapter and yet this was his solution? With Dina's case, its extremely illogical as having the near omnipotent reach of the full founding power at that point in time, he simply had to reverse Karl Fritz's decisions by interfering with him, thereby changing present reality into one that doesnt require him inheriting any titan power to begin with. (Or, better yet, if the founder had that ability all along, why didn’t the first king just use it?! I’m honestly baffled rn but anyways) So it makes absolutely no sense from a logical pov for him to do what he did. Apparently, he couldn’t do that, because the titans wouldn’t disappear unless Ymir saw Mikasa kill Eren. (Even though Eren didn’t even know about this being Ymir’s true intention so this begs the question, was Eren never actually in control? Did “fate” just control everything and lead him to getting killed by Mikasa, including his train of thought since birth?) sigh

If he did this then it is basically the bulk of the grandfather paradox. The basic idea is asking whether a man can time travel to the past and kill his grandfather, since he already exists in the future. This new feature of the founding power is very similiar to time travel so the paradox is relevant in explaining it. There are 2 mechanisms to address this paradox at hand through the scientific way and the anime way, either;

1.) The past cannot be changed due to the certainty of future events. This basically means that since future events are bound to happen, then the past will always happen in a manner to ensure that the future will remain the same. If a man goes back in time and shoots his grandfather, somehow history will ensure that his grandfather survives the encounter until he is able to sire his next generation to ensure that the man will exist in the future. However, this means that Eren does not need to do anything to the past, because it will automatically correct itself to match the future, so he wouldn’t even need to intervene with Dina's case. Since the same logic has to hold for consistency, that would be the same for Grisha's case as well, and Grisha would have stolen the founder even without Eren's prompt. This happens to also be the consensus for this theoretical situation. If thats the case, its utterly unneccesary for Eren to intervene and send Dina against his mother, because history would will that to happen. This development in 139 adds an unnecesary element to his character and makes one question whether he actually enjoys the violence of his actions or is only forced to do them because he had no other choice. The series prior to 139 suggests otherwise though, that he does have real influence over events of the past. But I can accept the possibility that its just a smokescreen, and the real point is that everything is predetermined, which point 1 takes into account of and explains how it would work out. Assuming that its not predetermined, we can move on to point 2 to see why Eren's actions were also unneccesary:

2.) Adopt the idea of parallel realities to avoid confronting the grandfather paradox. This is an idea explored in Stein's Gate. It’s a commonly accepted logical go-around used in animes to justify the ability to change the past through time travel. Basically when the past is changed, the current timeline splits into 2 realities, one where the present is changed according to the new past and one that remains unchanged. We also take it for granted that the main character we are following would then exist in the new reality while the MC created from the reality split will exist in the old one, just like Stein's Gate's Reading Steiner. In that case, there will be no paradoxes in either realities as they do not share the same past. I imagine this would be how the logic behind changing the past through time travel would be implemented to if that was what the author intended.

In that case, once again there would not ever be a situation where Eren actually had to send Dina against his Mom.

In summary, there would be no logical paradoxes that would arise from "changing reality" because it either cannot actually be changed like described in point 1, or a convenient mechanism can provide a way around confronting the paradox like described in point 2. I do not speak on behalf of the author and I wouldn’t know what his intentions behind the whole past memory thing was, but whether he’s trying to illustrate that everything has been predetermined by fate or the opposite stance, there really was no good reason for Eren to send Dina away from Bertolt, since in both cases it would be unneccesary. I feel like it was just added for shock value more than anything.

If you explain the time travel as a fixed timeline or “it was all fated to happen” then you get a problem... Why did Eren need to make happen something which already happened? He has no reason to influence the past now, not like he was trying to prevent his mother's death in that instance.

It honestly kind of feels like lazy writing, you could justify ANY story by just saying "it was because of fate". It just seems a way to justify stuff in a way that makes the story itself seem “untouchable” when really it’s a big contradiction. Eren doesn’t even know why he did it now, he just “had to”.

Now one thing Eren controlling Dina does explain is this one Bertold shard amongst Eren’s memories. However, as I’ve explained, the consequences of the Eren controlling Dina idea coming true are much worse for the story than that memory shard never getting explained and just being left alone for speculation.

I believe that the best solution to this problem would have been to say that Dina was an abnormal titan who ignored Bertold just because. That’s pretty much what abnormals are like... they do abnormal things. nuff said. And then, the reason for Eren seeing Bertholdt from Dina’s perspective in that memory shard could simply be that the founding titan allows its user to see through the perspectives of every Eldian and titan, including ones that lived in the past. (So basically reliving the memories of Eldians and titans that existed in the past.) This makes sense- the founding titan is stated to be the coordinate which connects all Eldians. But, whilst Eren can see things in the past, NOT have Eren be able to change what happens in the past and control certain events, since this is just a pointless and flawed mechanism in this story. Sure, it’s not the most mind-blowing explanation, but it actually makes sense unlike what we got and is consistent with the rest of the story. Honestly, we didn’t need the Dina panel at all in this chapter.

I guess I’ll just accept it as a paradox/plothole, since it makes no sense, and suspend my belief there. I’m not sure if I’m missing something or if I’m just being an idiot (if so someone please explain), but I have no other explanation.

TL;DR The explanation for Dina eating Carla and ignoring Bertold should simply have been that Dina was an abnormal. Nothing would have to change and it makes sense, unlike the paradox we now have. Now that 139 has introduced this new founder ability, a plot hole has been created. Other than shock value, there really was no good reason for Eren to send Dina away from Bert or for Eren to tell Grisha to take the founder when these things would have happened without his interference due to everything being fated to happen. Adding this detail in ch139 was completely unnecessary and a big plot hole- if not the biggest one in the series, and the worst part is that it was so easily avoidable.