#and its like... well i needed 4 surgeries in the last 4 years. i needed the ER like 20 times.

[mejomonster]

My adult advice is if you do pursue something you're passionate in for a career (or really if you go about getting any job) that being treated like shit is not fair to you. Working over 40 hours for your dream job a week, working 60 hour crunch hours for months for your dream job, working with no health insurance for years, your dream job paying you a wage too low to live where you need to in order to do the job so you're financially getting worse, your job not hiring enough people because you care about the work too much to let it fail so they just overwork you and have you do 2-3 peoples jobs, your dream job does not protect you from work hazards and you feel you'll lose your job if you bring it up? You don't deserve any of that shit. You deserve better. Whether your job is some boring thing you don't care about, or your absolute favorite thing in the world that you care about deeply and find to be the meaning of your life, you deserve to be treated fairly. You deserve to not be overworked to the point of suicidal or sick, you deserve to be able to go to the doctor and take your kids to the doctor and know if your kid gets a long term illness you can get long term treatment, you deserve to not have the entire success of a company fall on your shoulders to do multiple jobs if you weren't the supervisor who decided Not to adequately hire, you deserve to be able to go pee when you need to, you deserve to have adequate protection from dangers to your life. Period. No matter what job. If you're being treated like shit, you don't deserve it. It's not a price you should be expected to endure, not even for your dream job. It's a fucked up situation that real people caused by deciding to treat their employees badly.

[unidentified-ending]

What's up bro! I was just wondering weather you could make a little oneshot-headcanon about a male student in aizawas class who's younger brother (age 4-5) is quite dangerous due to his quirk but he's never done anything and he's been declined from multiple daycares and his parents are super stressed but Aizawa ends up taking the male reader younger brother to U.A's daycare and everyone in the dorms loves him bc he's so cute.

Thanks man, have a good day!!!!!

A/N: of course bro, this request is so cute so buckle up for some fluffy, maybe ooc aizawa and a cute younger brother.

This can be read as a trans or cis dude but if trans js imagine you got top surgery at a young age (not that young tho!). It's not mentioned anyways

Your parents were stressed. Like stressed stressed.

Your younger brother with (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes was boping around in your living room.

His name was Kuragari and he could destroy all of reality in one clap of his hand

But it's never happened before, but most people stay away from the cute ball of happiness.

When he was a child (2-3), everyone would stay away from him but he had you

Y/n L/n, a (personality trait) boy who was in class 1a, UA. Aspiring hero, and the best brother anyone could ask for.

Anyways back to the point.

Your parents were stressed, Kuragari's power was getting in the way of his daycare applications.

He was dangerous and so nobody came near him bc of "the sake of the other children"

And your parents both worked and you went to school so it was a hell of a time trying to do something for him

He'd usually get a baby sitter but he'd cry a couple of hours in, begging for you and his parents.

Which made either you, your mother or father come home from work early and have to settle him down

But that when the offer of you life came true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Y/n" you hear a faint voice call for you.

"Y/n!" The same voice but louder said again.

"Y/N!" The person said and you shot up straight away, the redness in your eyes and the bags under them were a huge sign of no sleep.

You looked around, you were in your classroom but nobody was in there, just your homeroom teacher calling out for you.

"Yes sir! I'm up, I'm up." You exclaimed into the empty room, your brother had woken up crying at exactly 2:27 am yesterday night and your parents wouldn't wake up so you had to deal with Kuragari by yourself and that lasted duntil 4:16 am when he decided to sleep. And you knew you had to wake up at 7 tomorrow so only 3 hours of sleep didn't toll well on your body.

"It's break, why are you still sleeping?" Aizawa questioned, though not making any visable facial expressions.

"I-uh, I just didn't get enough sleep. I'm okay" You said, blinking in drowsiness

Aizawa raised an eyebrow and said "Are you sure? Is there something I need to know?"

"Nah, not really. It's just my younger brother Kuragari. He's been declined by so many daycares' bescuse his quirk is too dangerous for the daycare but hes never actually used it before." You explain and Aizawa listens intently.

"He can break reality in one clap of his hands but he's so cute, he's 5 this year and me, my mother and my father have been extremely stressed about this issue because nobody can baby sit him for more then five hours before he starts to throw a fit and cry. And we have to take care of him at night and its very tiring."

Aizawa listened to your story all the way through and at the end he said, "How about we take him and we can take care of him? It's up to your parents though." Your eyes glimmered at the idea and you told him you'd ask them this evening.

That evening~~~~

"Mum, Dad. I've got news! Sensei Aizawa said he's take in Kuragari into the U.A daycare! Only if you want." You exclaimed when you got into the house and ran straight into your living room.

"Wait what?" Your father said, a hint of surprisment in his voice. "Really?" You mother said, a huge smile growing on her face.

"Yes!" You shouted with picking up your little brother and he immediately started laughing and clapping his hands together in excitement even though he had no idea what you were talking about.

A few hours later

"So what do we need to do to get Kuragari in there?" Your mother said while feeding him some food.

"Nothing, we just have to bring him in tomorrow and they take him in, look after him and there is another sweet girl called Eri in there. She's so sweet and I think they would get along together."

"Are you sure about this, honey?" Your father said to your mother

"It's a opportunity we must take. For the sake of our sleep" Your mother yawned.

Your father nodded on agreement.

"Alright then, but it's your responsibility to dress and wash him in the morning because we have work tomorrow. Fair?" Your father asked while taking a sip of his coffee.

"Fair" you agreed while picking up Kuragari and placing him on the couch and turning on some baby shows.

The next morning~~~~~~

You looked at a snoozing Kuragari at 6:50 am. You knew he was gonna throw a fit about waking this early but he had to get up.

You picked up the snoozing boy and cradled him in your hands, gently rubbing your finger over his forehead to wake him.

He started to fidget in your hands and kick his legs about. That's when he opened his ayes and started wailing.

"Shh, shh it's okay. I need you to wake up for me." You say as you kissed his head and put him in his baby chair.

You made his baby breakfast and ate your own, he was still glaring at you for waking him up early.

After that, you ran a bath for the two of you while he played with some of his toys.

"Kuragari." You exclaimed and he came crawling over to the bathroom with a toy car in his hand.

You undressed him and put him in the bath and you also got in. He flapped around with his bath toys in the bath, accidentally hitting you with some bubbles.

"You silly child" you sighed before taking him out and dressing him in some new clothes.

"Alright lil bro, I'm gonna carry you to school today. So climb on my back." You said while taking your keys and unlocking your front door.

You crouched down do he could climb on your back and he crawled up your back and seated himself right on your shoulders.

Off you two go to school~~~

Surprisingly you were the only two there in your class. Mean class did start at 8:20 and you two got there at 7:59 so it was pretty early.

You went to sit at your desk and then you took your brother off your head and placed him on your desk, then placed your own head on the desk, hoping for some of your own sleep.

Your promised it would 5 minutes but 5 minutes turned into 15.

Your self-consciousness was telling you to get awake and that's when you shot up awake, immediately in search for you younger brother.

"Kuragari" you said, your eyes darted across the room but all you could see were your fellow classmates crowded around something..or someone.

"Where's my brother?" You said in panic and the whole class looked at you in surprise.

"You mean this bundle of joy" Denki said as he held your smiling and laughing brother in his hands.

Your face immediately relaxed, you hadn't lost him.

"I'm so sorry guys-" you started but Mina interrupted.

"There no need to be sorry he's so cute!" She said while the rest if the class agreed with him. You went to join the classmates of yours and when he saw you he did his signature grabby hands and you picked him up.

"Bakugo saw you sleeping when he came in then me spotted your brother on his desk. He carefully just put him back on your desk and sat down."

Bakugo tsked at his desk but didn't deny it.

"What's he even doing here anyways?" Sero says as he laughs with Kuragari.

"Oh it's a long story, so-" then a door slammed open and Aizawa walked in.

"What is going here?" He questioned and everyone moved out the way of Kuragari and Aizawa had one look at the child and back at you and he knew you two were siblings.

Kuragari on the other hand started to cry at the old grizzled man and immediately started to grab onto Deku's shirt.

"Sorry man, he's a bit grumpy. I'll take him out." You say to deku and he waves it off completely fine.

When you walk out of the room, Aizawa walked out as well.

"Sorry sensei, he's just-"

"Yeah yeah, I know. Let's just get him in the daycare and we can start lessons" Aizawa said and the two of you walked to the daycare in silence.

You dropped him off to the daycare in silence where he met Eri and they got along together.

The two of you walked back together to class in silence before Aizawa said. "He looks like you".

"Really?" You say, surprised at the comment.

"Yeah, I bet he's a hard one to deal with."

"Oh he is" you say, enjoying the small talk.

"I can see where he gets it from" he says and you accidentally let out a chuckle.

You knew you had a good teacher.

[angryschnauzer]

January 11th 2024

Yeah its been a while since i updated. I haven't had the energy to if i'm honest, but here we go.

Hubby had his brain surgery end of November '23. The tumour they took out was a nasty one, somewhere between the size of a golf ball and a kiwi fruit. The wound has healed well with little to no side affects apart from some double vision, but he was checked out for that and it is a common after affect of brain trauma and was remedied with an eyepatch for a few weeks.

We met with the Neuro Oncology team at Royal Marsden Hospital in London. They are one of the best (if not the best) cancer treatment centres in the whole country, and we worked through a treatment plan.

Just before Christmas hubby was also cleared to have shoulder reconstructive surgery (he broke his shoulder bone in the original seizures back at the end of October '23). There was a really small window of time between it being enough time after the brain surgery that he could go back under general anaesthetic, but also enough time to mostly heal before he started Radiotherapy and Chemo, so just 5 days before Christmas hubby was in and out of our local hospital in a single day to have that surgery.

Christmas was a quiet and subdued affair. I also herniated a disk in my back the day Hubby had surgery (i was clearing the deep freeze out ready for grocery delivery), so it meant both he and I were dosed up to our eyeballs on strong painkillers for most of the holiday, and Little Dude spent the majority of the break either playing video games or building his new lego sets.

Two days before Christmas i also had to have emergency dental work (i had been grinding my teeth and had previously cracked a tooth) and whilst i was in the dentists office some utter idiot crashed into my car. That was the last thing i needed but i simply handed it all over to my insurance company (who are aware of my husbands situation) and they arranged a hire vehicle and sorted repairs.

Onto the start of 2024. This is the first week of Radiotherapy and Chemo for Hubby. He is getting very tired and fatigued already from the Radiotherapy, but thankfully no nausea from the chemo as yet, but that could change over time. He is scheduled for a full schedule of 6 weeks of this dual treatment, where we are having to visit Royal Marsden every day Mon - Fri for the six weeks, and then he also takes the chemo 7 days a week for the six weeks.

He'll then have 4 to 6 weeks 'off' treatment for his body to relax and recuperate, but will have scans and MRI's during that time to gauge what further treatment will be, but its likely to be just chemo but a stronger dose, but no radiotherapy. The chemo is to be 3 weeks off one week on, so a 4 weekly cycle.

The one thing we have discovered isn't done is prognosis's. When we first got to Royal Marsden we were shocked as they started talking about years, and explained that although it was a really nasty tumour, it was found very early and whilst it was still relatively small for its kind. They've discussed things like 'this years treatment plan then we'll look at next years', and also for a while Hubby was being considered for a clinical trial which candidates who have prognosis's of 12 months+ are only considered for. In the end he didn't meet the criteria (his cholesterol was too high). The Macmillian Nurses also have been talking to us about Mobility Car assistance schemes where you can get govt assistance financially and get an adapted vehicle on a 2 year rolling lease. All these timings are reassuring in one way, but worrying in another - we have no idea what the future holds and it really does cement in stone that our time is limited and could end any moment, and makes it very difficult to make any long term plans. You don't realise how much of your life is preplanned until you end up in this situation and aren't sure if you can book your kid onto the school residential trip in 5 months time.

Should anyone want the mundane daily day-to-day life updates you can follow me on my personal instagram @simone_with_an_e its generally a load of utter boring bollocks, but i try to keep it updated daily with updates when i can as its a lot easier to do 1 short paragraph than a big update.

For me my mental health is a little better now that i've had time to process Hubby's diagnosis and that he is getting treatment. There are still days or hours when i fall apart, and it could be something as simple as listening to a song on the radio as i drive back from dropping Little Dude at school and i realise the song would be lovely at his funeral. I end up having to pull over and have a cry whilst switching the radio off. I'm loosing weight and aging quickly, my hair is turning grey from stress and i realised i've aged about 15 years in the last 3 from stress. My appetite comes and goes, and things like red meat now turn my stomach and i can't digest it. But i also haven't drunk alcohol since the day before Hubby had his seizure back in October. I feel like i need to stay 'alert' in case i need to rush him to the hospital for something. I don't miss it as such, but I miss the ability to fully relax. Its hard to describe but i feel like at the moment i've lost myself and am just functioning to care for those around me, going through the motions as such.

Anyway, this has been a long update. I do still lurk here, you may see me pop up in notifications liking something, but at the moment i don't feel its right to start putting fandom stuff back on here yet. I do hope to get back to writing at some point. I miss it and the unfinished stories plague my mind as i have such lovely plans for story arc's and really want to finish them.

Take care all,

Schnauz

xxx

[ltfad]

So this is pretty wild but next year will be 10 years since we started writing Live to Fight Another Day (May 20th 2014 was when Chapter 1 was first published on Ao3).

Yikes. I can hardly believe it!

If I'd been able to continue the same momentum as I had when we first started writing it, book 1 would be done and we'd be well on our way into book 2, but alas, life is never that straightforward.

For those interested, here are just some of the major life events that have happened since LtFAD began:

5 job changes for me (including one entire career change) I don't know how many jobs for Cal actually 2 college degrees started and completed (an AA for me and a Master's for Cal) 1 Master's Program started for me just this year 4 surgeries total between me and Cal at least 6 moves (2 or 3 for Cal and 4 for me) 2 weird not-great-for-mental-health relationships beginning and ending

This isn't counting things in our families of origin such as deaths, births, weddings etc though those have also happened, some of them much more significant to us personally than others. The difference between being 24 and being 34 feels huge in some ways and not very big at all in others.

But I am definitely in a much different headspace than I was when I first threw myself into writing this fic. It's not at all an exaggeration to say that this story saved my life in a time when I was very lonely and still grappling with a lot of questions about what my life should be and why I was even alive. There were days when I literally thought to myself, I need to stay alive, I need to make it through this, so I can finish writing LtFAD.

It means the world to me that even now that I'm doing much, much better most days, this story continues to give comfort and a feeling of connection to other people even though it's unfinished. That's the best legacy I can hope for, for this story: connection, comfort... a feeling of knowing others' hidden courage in the hard times and feeling known in turn. Yes, I do still want to finish it. Or at least continue it for as long as I can, whenever I can. It feels like a friend I've carried with me (and been carried by) for the last nine years. I can't promise any sure timeline for its completion, but I just wanted to write this to thank everyone again for loving LtFAD, from the most active commenters to the quietest lurkers whose usernames I've never seen. Thank you so much for existing and for connecting with something we made.

-Rae.

[scotianostra]

Happy birthday actress Daniela Nardini born 26th April 1968 in Largs.

Nardini was educated at Largs Academy school, then trained as an actress at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama in Glasgow. Her parents owned Nardini’s, an ice cream parlour and restaurant in Largs. She was on the point of giving up acting and training to become a drama teacher when she was offered the part of Anna in This Life.

Other roles for Danniela have been in Taggart, of course, Big Women and Waterloo Road. as well as Bob Servant, we last saw he in Sunset Song with Peter Mullen. Nardini currently lives in Glasgow with her partner, Ivan Stein, a former civil servant-turned-chef, and their daughter. She had previously lived in Notting Hill in London, but moved back to Scotland after the birth of her daughter.

Daniela has been a bit quiet on the acting front, apart from a couple of shorts in the last couple of years, we have to look back to 2015 and Bob Servant for anything regular. I poked around further and found she is narrating Priest School, a documentary on BBC Scotland that follows a group of seminarians for a year as they train at the Scots College in Rome. It’s the first time the college – Scotland’s oldest overseas institution – has opened its doors to TV cameras. The best part of the filming however has been left out. The footage featured the Holy Father Pope Francis accepting a bottle of Oban malt from some students and proclaiming it “the real water of life”

Following a feud, the big Art Deco Nardini’s ice cream shop on the prom in Largs is no longer run by the family. It was founded by Pietro, her great-grandfather, who came to Scotland from Barga in Tuscany. He ended up in Paisley and then moved to Largs to open the shop that still bares the family name, I think anyone who has visited Largs will have visited it, at least just admire the shop itself.

Daniela had a health scare a couple of years ago when abnormalities showed up following a mammogram, she said in an interview in The Sunday Post;

“It was a huge shock to be told I had breast cancer, and it was another shock to learn I needed to have a mastectomy. All these decisions that have to be made come at you, like whether or not to have reconstruction at the same time as the surgery.

“I was in shock. After all of it is done, you can get over the physical side, but mentally, well, you are just a bit off. Now I look at it and think I was very lucky. After the treatment I’ve had nothing – no other symptoms – and I’m in the clear.”

She admits to seeking professional help after the death of her father, and her divorce, but has come out of it and is now embarking on her own journey into counselling. She says it’s always been something that interested her, so she completed an HNC during lockdown and is now studying for a diploma.

In 2022 Daniella teamed up with fellow Scot David Tennant to play Lady Macbeth, David playing the title role.for the play, which was aired on BBC Radio 4. That's about all I could find of her recent work online unfortunately, Nardini currently lives in Glasgow with her partner, Ivan Stein, a former civil servant-turned-chef, and their daughter

[vaulted-ceiling-painted-sky]

I'm making a major life change. I'm detransitioning (for medical reasons, so please don't cancel me).

I don't talk about this sort of thing much on my blog because I prefer to live a relatively private life separate from social media. However, I still wanted to disclose some things to my followers. I was on testosterone for over 5 years. I got the prescription after 8 months of counseling for gender dysphoria, followed by a consultation with a psychiatrist and an endocrinologist. This all started back in 2016 and I began taking T in 2017.

The symptoms that were considered part of my gender dysphoria diagnosis were mostly related to body dysmorphia. Since puberty, I felt like my body shape was completely wrong and that certain parts didn't belong to me (no real explanation, just physical discomfort). I had an eating disorder for many years that I never fully recovered from until the T improved my metabolism enough and I could start eating intuitively again. My other symptoms were... pretty much just being a weird girl and a social misfit. I had learned to mask it ok but social expectations just felt overwhelming and exhausting.

T was amazing for the first few years. My period stopped after a month, I lost fat and put on muscle, I could eat a full meal again, my body felt right in a way it never had before. I even got a new job where I felt like a fit in way better as a guy. I was extremely well informed on what changes to expect and when, and I was always careful with my health, getting regular blood tests and checking in with my doctors.

The side effects started to accumulate and worsen however. My body temperature ran high and I got overheated quite easily, which affected my sleep among other things. After about a year I started to get intense abdominal cramps with increasing frequency. Several years of this and I eventually had to get a hysterectomy (I kept my ovaries) and the cramping finally stopped. I had already had top surgery at this point. That was an entire ordeal on its own. I needed to have an emergency revision a week after the original surgery when I got a hematoma in the left side of my chest. I had to drive myself to the emergency room (my boyfriend was at work) where they opened the stitches and tried to manually drain it. Blood was gushing out of my side. I had to be rushed into the OR to have it fixed. After about 4 years on T, I began to have constant pain in certain organs due to atrophy. Medication only stopped it from getting worse, but the pain was still there and sex was out of the question. This can take a toll on one's mental health and relationship. The side effect that really scared me though was the heart problems. After nearly 5 years on T, I started having episodes of fast, pounding, irregular heartbeats. They were uncorrelated with anxiety, and heartburn medication did nothing. I stopped T for a few weeks and the episodes decreased. I started T again and had the worst one yet, where I was actually afraid for my life. I stopped again and my heart issues resolved in a month or two. My last dose was in October 2022.

Since then my body has been reverting to its natural appearance. I just look more feminine and read as female in spite of a flat chest and deep voice. It happened quickly for me. I decided to file paperwork for a court order name and gender change last week. I think I'll be back to publicly presenting as a woman in a few months. This has been a lot for me to process but I'm cautiously optimistic. And I'm so, so grateful that I have a loving, open-minded boyfriend and a supportive family. I don't know what I would do without them.

Why did I post this? Well, I thought sharing my experience might be useful for some of you. If you're on T or getting gender-related surgeries, or if someone you care about is, it's helpful to know about some of the things that can happen. My experiences differed significantly in some ways from the standard information you get on this stuff. Side effects can be quite manageable for some people, but very serious for others. I thought I was at very low risk of anything bad happening yet treatment still proved unsustainable for me. It can be difficult to find accurate information in a medical field that's been unfairly politicized. I just want what's best for everyone though.

[watmalik]

Oversharing on the internet

Thank you @ambiguouspenny​ for the tag!! <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

Ohhh yes. My first name is literally the female version of my dad and brother’s name… Patricio/Patrick. My middle name is after my Abuela (dad’s side) bc she died a couple of months before I was born.

2. When was the last time you cried?

HA! I’m actually proud of this one *clears throat* ever since the 911 Lone Star finale...for now.

3. Do you have kids?

I’m 22 almost 23, so my only child has four legs and lives in my apt rent free. I’m also undecided about having them in general (bio or adopted)? I have a autoimmune disease that makes it harder for me to have them and I also had surgery when I was 14… lets say I have 1/3 of my left ovary chopped off bc of a random health issue I had as a kid and now I have a faint smiley face on my bikini line :) talk about oversharing.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

*Takes sunglasses off* Babes, I invented sarcasm. It’s the fourth language I’m fluent in… its a culture thing.

5. What sports have you played/do you play?

Fútbol and futsal. Loved them. Stopped when I got into college but I still participated in intramural games in my sorority/club. I also played basketball in middle school for a bit, but ultimately gave it up bc there wasn't really a girl’s team in my school.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their personality so I don't make them angry on purpose. I’m a notorious people pleaser, and I hate confrontation when it comes to myself, so I need you to like me…. LIKE ME 

7. What's your eye colour?

I have dark, brown cow eyes

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies bc I cry when movies have happy endings and I don't like tearing up at the movies. Emotions? me? pfttt

9. Any special talents?

I can meow like an actual cat, and put my feet at the back of my head, you know the usual.

10. Where were you born?

El Caribe 😎

11. What are your hobbies?

Singing, drawing, playing the ukulele

12: Do you have any pets?

My 3 year old cat, harry :)

13. How tall are you?

I’m Jennifer Love Hewitt, inches tall.

14. Favourite subject in school?

P.E and Maths. Mind you, I hate Maths with a great passion, but I was in group B (When you reached the 6th grade, they will separate the two form groups of your year group, in my school there was two class groups per year, and they will separate students in A and B group depending on how well you were doing in that specific subject). B group was always the funniest class to be in. I was usually an A group type of student but I always made sure I was in B group for at least a few of my classes and in Maths? It was inevitable. 

Anyways, I sat in the middle of the most chaotic pair of people, this dude (a twin) who had a crush on me at the time and this volleyball player who I once had a fall out with. For context, back home I went to a small British school, pre-k––12th grade, and from the 6th grade until I left on 10th grade, I always sat with them bc I will always LAUGH MY ASS OFF every damn class period. Our teacher was this 24 year old guy from Scotland and he was fine with us being together because we got good grades and did the work. I like looking back at this because, we weren't friends, we didn't hang out or talked after class much, but we always sat together because it brought us joy. 

Oddly enough I will always miss the poorly drawn dicks at the last page of my maths notebook, the stupid jokes, and the dumb noises they will make on purpose 😂

15. Dream job

 To be an immigration lawyer and help other minorities. I just graduated from college, so I’m taking a much needed year off and then law school here I come!

And my “You probs already did this, and def don't do it again if you have, but I’m still tagging you because its 2am” tag goes to: @noxsoulmate​ @itsneonbright​ @tailoredshirt​ @anchor-bird-94​ @taralaurel​ @tylerkennedys​ @catanisspicy​ and anyone else who wants to do this :)

[gynandromorph]

Stop reading here if pet suffering distresses you a lot. Mawkish has been continuing to have seizures every 2-3 days. Last one was about a minute long. She screams like she's in pain during them, often croaking or gurgling at the same time. But I don't know if she's in pain for real. She's usually unresponsive during them, sometimes for like 10-20 seconds after she stops spasming as well. It's disturbing to watch. Her dose is higher now, but the med schedule is rigid and one many people can't tolerate — 3 times a day, every 8 hours. Not giving it at the same time every day can lead to breakthrough seizures. She can't switch to phenobarbital because of its adverse effects on the liver. I'm awake right now because one of those doses is at 4 am. I've been in so much physical pain myself with no fast solution and I've been failing her in a lot of ways. This is going to Fuck my sleep schedule. Making sure there's at least 1 person home to supervise her because of the seizure risk is a nightmare. My mom has been diagnosed with carpal tunnel in both arms and needs surgery so I'll be expected to help with that too instead of being able to ask for help. My sister's dog has more tumors and isn't eating. If 3 of our 4 dogs all died this year I wouldn't be surprised. Idletry is a welcome relief from the shit that's happening, but the mental whiplash going between a project I really want to focus on and pressing constant real life stress demanding my attention is not easy to tolerate gracefully

[lucysweatslove]

10.29.2023 // I still don’t have a word for it.

Reality: I still don’t feel like my body is mine, and I don’t have a word for it. It isn’t quite depersonalization, as I don’t feel outside of my body. And it’s not gender specific so it’s not gender dysphoria either. It’s not body dysmorphia, because I know exactly what my body looks like, and that’s part of the problem- I understand how I look, it just doesn’t “feel” like me. But the second part of the problem is that I don’t think there is any way I can create congruency.

I get this feeling every so often. Usually it’s pretty fleeting, maybe a few hours of intense and distressing disconnect, then I sleep, and I just kind of move on. This time it’s just a little different- I don’t feel significantly distressed like usual, but I can’t move on from it. Every time I see my face or body, I KNOW it’s me and can feel physical sensations and emotions from my body. But

Maybe this is just the reality of getting older since I’m almost 30, though I also think a lot of it has to do with recovering on my own through this time as well. Like, maybe I disconnected from my own body a little to make recovery easier/less emotionally taxing because I didn’t have help navigating the emotional toll of a body that went from sick but socially acceptable to healthy but socially unacceptable. When I eventually got to a position where I could appreciate health in an “unacceptable” body, my health deteriorated and my body became even more “unacceptable.”

And now I’m in an aging body that is both socially unacceptable in appearance AND physically falling apart, I’m once again not sure how to accept it. I think part of this too is grief. Just thinking about the last 4 years of my life, when my health started falling apart to now- I’ve done a lot but haven’t really accomplished anything.

Nobody tells you how fast 4 years go by when you’re mid-20s. You wake up one day thinking you have time to figure your life out. You do some hard work to be okay with the fact that your life isn’t working out the way you planned, that it’s okay to be set back a little, and you’re dedicated to doing what is needed to get where you want to be… but then you blink, you’re almost 30. You may have successfully done a lot, which deserves celebration, but you aren’t caught up because time moved the same for you as it did the fresh faced 20 year old.

I AM proud of myself for navigating life the last several years. Recovery was hard on its own, but I also got a master’s degree, got married, adopted a pug, supported my husband through TWO hip replacement surgeries, applied to medical school, got into medical school, and have already navigated a couple blocks. It just took me a lot longer to navigate all of these things than I thought it would.

I think I’ve always felt like I’ve been playing catch up in some way. Sometimes I wonder if this is a common autistic or “twice exceptional” experience or if it’s just… something a good proportion of the world experiences… or maybe it’s just something those who have experienced severe mental illness experience idk.

I don’t really know what is going to help me feel reconnected. My instinct of course is what I always do- major diet and restrict, try to drop as much weight as rapidly as possible. Sometimes I think, if I were back to X size, I’d like the way clothes fit again, but I know that another huge part is that I do NOT feel like me at all in the kinds of clothing I’m expected to dress in- though I also know that the clothes I like are more “socially acceptable” on smaller bodies. Seriously, I see the clothes my peers wear and look amazing and professional in, but I know if I were to try the same outfit it just wouldn’t look right on my body. Every time I try to wear clothes that feel like me, I feel like I look wrong in them, even if the clothes fit.

Normal people can probably just go on a diet for a little bit, lose some weight, bounce back into their bodies (thought efficacy of keeping that weight off may be variable). I, however, have to worry about going back to my own personal hell every time I so much as consider how many grams are in my breakfast banana.

So anyway, no actual resolution. I’m stuck in this meat sack wired to interact with the world via electrolytes (sodium, calcium, potassium, chloride) and neurotransmitters. Attempting to change it could be Very Bad for me. Attempting to be “health minded” could also just be thinly veiled attempts to change the meat sack, which again, could be Very Bad. Soooo idk.

I guess next week’s therapy session will be interesting and worth the $25 copay.

[youn9racha]

uhhh hi

*ahem* umm,,, this is awkward,,,

so its been a while since ive last posted, and by awhile i think around october-november which makes it 3-4 months 😭 but im here posting.

first things first, i want to wish you all a late happy new years, and i also want to add that today’s my birthday !!! i am officially 22 years old as of today, turning me into a taylor swift song lmfao.

now you maybe wondering, “ella where have you been?”

well lemme tell ya, it has been a wild past few months, and not in a good way. i won’t get into too much details but i genuinely never felt so miserable as the past few months and 2022 had just ended so miserably for me to the point i couldn’t celebrate new years eve. but on the brightside i got over the stressful stuff and the last year had ended and this year has started.

i also would like to mention that i’m currently recovering from my surgery (yup once again, i’ve gotten surgery right around my birthday lmfao) but i’m doing just fine and alright so theres no need to worry.

what updates have i got? well, its safe to say aside from the deteriorating mental illness that i had, some good things have started to established. y’all remember my crush? well we’re still not together but we are getting closer than we ever been before and she was the first person to ever wish me a happy birthday. i surpassed a very tumultuous semester where it took a toll on my creative drive and thankfully passed the semester. i could go on but again there are certain things i’d like to keep private.

anyhow, if you’re wondering, yes, i’m still very much a stay, and i still actively thirst over bang chan like i usually do. i just haven’t been writing much thanks to my stressful environment. idk when will i come back to writing on here, but all i know is rn i won’t be able to due to my recovery.

i’d like to write some more in the future but idk when it’ll happen so please do be patient with me. but then again, i wouldn’t be surprised if people unfollowed me and forgot my existence lmfao.

anyway, i’m just here to remind y’all that i’m alive and well, just needed some time off of posting here. stay safe y’all and take care of yourselves 🫶

[strawberryspeachy]

Had my last class with one of my favorite classes today.

I feel the need to clarify that I wouldn’t exchange contact info with children before saying that I always take it as a compliment when my students ask to keep in touch with me. I can’t/don’t but its still sweet when they ask. The ones who have been talkative with me all year were disappointed to learn i wont be in the school next year and after trying to get my social media asked if i would come to their graduation next year.

Another one of my classes - not their last class - was watching Hocus Pocus. I put a lot of thought into what movies/shows I wanted to introduce my students to with my goal being to show them either American culture or something that most Americans love (i showed some clips of mean girls with another class)

The other quiet advanced class didn’t seem too interested in your regular school life/home life show (boy meets world) for christmas

So while I showed my on grade classes Freaky Friday, I tried to think of what my advanced classes would enjoy that they have never seem that fits the criteria i had. And ended up with - well I love halloween and i didnt get to celebrate with them. Besides being a great movie imo it really shows what Halloween looks like in the states and has a lot of american lore.

And im glad that i was right, the class that didnt care for bmw paid a lot more attention to hocus pocus.

But the other quiet class i rlly enjoyed watching it with. They were super into it. Very invested, laughing and gossiping about the movie

We watched the second half today and they were really excited. They liked the music, they reacted to binx getting hit by a car just like how i always did as a kid, they fell for the jump scares and laughed at all the jokes.

The first class didn’t care about mary riding the vacuum but the second class all laughed every time they saw her on it. The student near me was having a mini celebration when the sun started rising

We had some issues with the tech in the first 10 min so to finish we watched after the bell during break and only about 4-5 students (of 50) left to go to the bathroom and even they rushed back to see the very end

And i could see a bunch of them holding back tears at the end when binx dies in the cats body and they all clapped when it ended

And it was really fun to introduce them to one of my favorite movies and for them to be so into it.

Anyway ive been sick since september and living with a psycho. Working with a psycho. Ive felt like a pinball for the past year stuck bouncing back and forth between two places i hate being.

Didnt get a comfortable place to live

Didn’t meet new friends

Barely went on dates

Haven’t traveled

Still haven’t joined any dance classes

Haven’t gone to concerts

I have to leave my current school because… so much stress and drama i could write a book

Found another school. Not great…eating away at my life…

I planned to just deal with the exhaustion and force myself to do the things i came here to do

And now my grandfather is in the hospital… from surgery he got sepsis then pneumonia now he has blood clots….

…..

……

[angryschnauzer]

Update 3th April 2024

How are we into the 4th month of the year already? This year is slipping away so quickly. Anyway, my husband finished Radiotherapy mid Feb, had a few weeks off treatment, and is now on 6 cycles of strong chemotherapy. He has 5 days on tablet dose, then 23 days off, so its a 4 week cycle. We had an update meeting with his Neurologist. The tumour hasn't started to grow back, but we've got to add a 'yet' to that. The type of brain tumour (Glioblastoma) is an incredibly agressive form of brain cancer, spreading tendrils out into the crevices of the brain that there is never any way of scooping the whole thing out and getting every last bit with surgery. Thus the Radiotherapy and chemotherapy to try and blast - i cant think of a better word - as much remaining cancer as it can. He'll have regular MRI's to monitor any regrowth etc, and as he's mid 40's if he's strong enough he can have surgery again.

So now we're at the start of April and to be honest the last three months have been horrible. At the start of the year i caught a cough that developed into Bronchitis, and then by mid March i was so ill it was Pneumonia. When Hubby was on his 'rest' weeks post radiotherapy he was unable to rest as he had to help me care for our son. Sidenote; our Son's type 1 diabetes has been somewhat out of control during this time too. Two weeks ago i was admitted to the emergency dept at Hospital with chest pains. Hardly surprising with the amount of stress i'm under, but it turned out to be caused by bruising my internal chest muscles from coughing so much due to the pneumonia. Doctors told me i must rest. Well, the universe decided it didn't like that option and the day after Hubby went down with a cold/flu like virus, and because of his cancer treatment all but destroying his immune system, it's knocked him sideways. We're now 10 days later and its still in full force. I had to take him to the cancer hospital yesterday to have blood tests to ensure it hadn't turned bacterial (it hasn't) but we've been having awful nights sleep for the both of us which means neither of us are recovering at a rate we need.

So that's were we're at. Its just a massive cycle of illness followed by illness and it feels like we can't get out of it.

[scotianostra]

Happy birthday actress Daniela Nardini born 26th April 1968 in Largs.

Nardini was educated at Largs Academy school, then trained as an actress at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama in Glasgow. Her parents owned Nardini’s, an ice cream parlour and restaurant in Largs. She was on the point of giving up acting and training to become a drama teacher when she was offered the part of Anna in This Life.

Other roles for Danniela have been in Taggart, of course, Big Women and Waterloo Road. as well as Bob Servant, we last saw he in Sunset Song with Peter Mullen. Nardini currently lives in Glasgow with her partner, Ivan Stein, a former civil servant-turned-chef, and their daughter. She had previously lived in Notting Hill in London, but moved back to Scotland after the birth of her daughter.

Daniela has been a bit quiet on the acting front, apart from a couple of shorts in the last couple of years, we have to look back to 2015 and Bob Servant for anything regular. I poked around further and found she is narrating Priest School, a documentary on BBC Scotland that follows a group of seminarians for a year as they train at the Scots College in Rome. It’s the first time the college – Scotland’s oldest overseas institution – has opened its doors to TV cameras. The best part of the filming however has been left out. The footage featured the Holy Father Pope Francis accepting a bottle of Oban malt from some students and proclaiming it “the real water of life”

Following a feud, the big Art Deco Nardini’s ice cream shop on the prom in Largs is no longer run by the family. It was founded by Pietro, her great-grandfather, who came to Scotland from Barga in Tuscany. He ended up in Paisley and then moved to Largs to open the shop that still bares the family name, I think anyone who has visited Largs will have visited it, at least just admire the shop itself.

Daniela had a health scare a couple of years ago when abnormalities showed up following a mammogram, she said in an interview in The Sunday Post;

“It was a huge shock to be told I had breast cancer, and it was another shock to learn I needed to have a mastectomy. All these decisions that have to be made come at you, like whether or not to have reconstruction at the same time as the surgery.

“I was in shock. After all of it is done, you can get over the physical side, but mentally, well, you are just a bit off. Now I look at it and think I was very lucky. After the treatment I’ve had nothing – no other symptoms – and I’m in the clear.”

She admits to seeking professional help after the death of her father, and her divorce, but has come out of it and is now embarking on her own journey into counselling. She says it’s always been something that interested her, so she completed an HNC during lockdown and is now studying for a diploma.

Last year Daniella teamed up with fellow Scot David Tennant to play Lady Macbeth, David playing the title role.for the play, which was aired on BBC Radio 4 just over a year ago. In a recent interview, she said spending time in lockdown at her home with her teenage daughter helped her focus on two new pursuits - painting and training as a mental health counsellor.

[pumpkin-spice-whump]

I posted 1,327 times in 2022

That's 1,073 more posts than 2021!

238 posts created (18%)

1,089 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pumpkin-spice-whump

@quietly-by-myself

@whumpsday

@hold-him-down

@ashintheairlikesnow

I tagged 1,065 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#van van speaks - 120 posts

#quietly-by-myself - 70 posts

#asks - 63 posts

#847481: jesse - 56 posts

#ashintheairlikesnow - 52 posts

#whumpsday - 51 posts

#my boy kensi - 47 posts

#deluxewhump - 46 posts

#reblog - 42 posts

#hold-him-down - 35 posts

Longest Tag: 123 characters

#it was supposed to get here last week my boyfriends birthday is in four days and its still on the other side of the country

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Caretaker: why didn't you tell me what happened to you before?

Whumpee:

51 notes - Posted July 25, 2022

#4

Reap the Harvest - Part 1

Oh boy a new series! I thought of it like three days ago and it took over my brain.

Thanks to @quietly-by-myself for helping me with research! (i didn't ignore your advice i swear i just needed this scene out of my brain) Also I know next to nothing about medical things so for the majority of this... just suspend your disbelief.

CWs: hospital setting, noncon surgery, amputation, gore, awake during surgery, treating people like property

Masterlist

-----------------------------------

Colin bounced his leg, hands shaking ever so slightly in his lap. He moved them to his sides and clutched the edges of the chair, shivering in the thin hospital gown. The waiting room was always needlessly and annoyingly cold. It usually didn’t bother him, but he was particularly nervous about this procedure.

It was his first time having an arm harvested.

Colin had donated skin, fingers, toes, blood, and bone marrow, but never an entire limb. Well, it was just going to be from the elbow down but still. He was nervous. No, he thought, nervous was too casual of a word. It was stupid but well... He was scared. He was scared like he was the first time getting his blood donated. When donating blood, they would take nearly half of its volume in your body, since it was not exactly needed for his peoples' survival. Still, the next few hours would be spent cold and delirious until their bodies could replenish it. The mere thought had terrified him as a kid, and now it felt totally normal, although a little inconvenient. He would eventually feel the same way about this.

But he couldn't help the fear he felt. Regenerating from having entire limbs taken wasn't as fast as replenishing blood, it could take days -- up to a week! -- and Colin didn’t want to spend that long helpless and in pain.

To his utter embarrassment, he felt tears pricking at his eyes, but he forced them down, glancing at the camera in the corner of the room. He would not show that he was scared, even though he undeniably was. He had enough pride to at least keep it to himself.

When Colin first heard that he was assigned to donate a limb that month he'd done his best to look brave, maybe even confident. He was eighteen years old, and he'd been assigned to have a limb harvested. He was a real adult now, and real adults didn't care about their assignments. They just went through the motions and did their duty.

His parents could tell he was scared, though. Rayleigh and Daniel had sat him down countless times over the month, trying to comfort him and convince him that it really wasn't as bad as he thought. They said that it would hurt, yes, but he would heal and be given time before another big one came his way. It wasn’t the end of the world. He'd regenerate quickly and be okay.

Bridger told him that it would hurt like hell and he’d never be the same again. Their dad had slapped him upside the head and told him to stop being a jerk. But he didn’t deny it.

That scared Colin even more.

It wasn’t so much the thought of the surgery itself as it was the promise of oncoming pain. Anesthesia and painkillers would dull his body's healing properties, so he'd have to go into surgery fully aware and alert. It hurt when his skin was peeled away and fingers were taken, but it was bearable. But his arm? The bones they’d have to break and cut through? That made his stomach cramp up.

And then there was the weirdness of knowing that a large part of him would just be… gone. For days, until a new one grew back. He’d be vulnerable and incomplete and the thought made him more uncomfortable than he cared to admit. 

He had hardly slept at all last night, which was only going to make it worse, but the anticipation of the unknown and large procedure, coupled with not being allowed to eat for hours, made him too sick to sleep. Rayleigh had crawled into bed with him and rubbed his back, reassuring his fears, until he managed to doze off in the early hours of the morning. Bridger woke up at some point in the night and made fun of Colin for needing that, but for once he'd just ignored him. Maybe it was childish, but his mother's presence always helped him feel calm.

After just a couple restless hours, Rayleigh woke him. She and Daniel walked Colin down to the clinic just a few hallways away from the family dorms, leaving with a few words of encouragement and promises to be right there in the recovery room to take him home when the procedure was over. Colin nodded wordlessly, giving a weak smile to his parents before the door was shut.

He'd changed into a gown and had a quick physical by a nurse (the psych eval had been done a few days prior) before having the barcode on the back of his neck scanned and being left in the waiting room... Where he was still waiting at least an hour later, trying to stop his heart from jumping up his throat.

At this point he was hoping that Dr. Malsom would show up and they could just get the whole thing over with.

As if he could read his thoughts, Nurse Blakely appeared at the door. “Colin Sharpe?” he asked, like Colin wasn’t the only person in the room.

He wiped his sweaty hands on his gown and stood up, clearing his throat. “Yes, sir,” he said. His voice trembled.

The nurse motioned for Colin to follow him out the door. His legs felt like jello, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the fear or lack of food. Probably both.

He’d walked this hallway countless times over the past five years, but today it seemed impossibly long and imposing, like it did the first time he’d ever walked it. Then he was only thirteen, nervous but proud to finally be able to do his duty. Parents are encouraged to walk back their children the first couple of times, and he held tightly to Daniel’s arm, trying to put on a brave face but also seconds away from bolting in the other direction.

He almost laughed thinking about how he hadn't really changed.

Blakely opened the doors to one of the many operating rooms at Rockmire Hills, holding it open for Colin before he followed, locking the door. Dr. Malsom stood next to the operating table, conversing lightly with Nurse Kelley. They looked over at Colin and waved him inside, gesturing for him to sit on the operating table. A cart of instruments stood off to his left, but he pointedly avoided looking at it as he lay down.

“How are we feeling, Mr. Sharpe?” Dr. Malsom asked easily.

Colin took a deep breath before answering. “I’m fine,” he lied. His voice was still weak. Probably weaker.

Dr. Malsom and the nurses pulled on masks and caps. “You're okay,” he assured, the nurses strapping Colin down.

See the full post

56 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

#3

sorry i'm late i was doing normal things (I was torturing the captive in my basement with a hot knife to hear his pretty screaming)

103 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

#2

Love how this whole community centers around our shared love of torture but every time someone says they're gonna hurt their characters everyones like "HEY THATS NOT OKAY"

241 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Writing is so stupid because you're like it's just putting down words I know words this will be so simple and then it's the most difficult thing you've ever done

22,462 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bunny584]

JUJUTSU KAISEN'S ANATOMY

A/N: God I LOVE when you guys let me break the 4th wall. Most of you guys already know my specialty but in my junior years of residency I had to rotate on different services as part of training. Everyone loves a well rounded doctor. 

Anon, you’re insane for this ask. I could never write a full medical fan fic because it’s TOO close to home and I already spend 100 hours/week at the hospital I need to escape it somehow. 

Nevertheless, I’m SO happy to indulge you, baby. Let’s get into it. I’ll break this up into two parts. The Attendings, then The Residents. 

ATTENDINGS ON CALL

Dr. Satoru Gojo:

Specialty: TRAUMA SURGERY

Most people incorrectly assume trauma surgeons to be stern and intense. I would argue that they are the opposite. They are so deeply unserious. My co-residents and I legit played pranks on our attendings 24/7 during the rotation - right up this blue-eyed psychopath’s alley. When push comes to shove, they get the job fucking done. The most calm under pressure. A patient comes in coding and requires a thoracotomy and its your first one. You have less than 5 minutes to access the heart and massage — Satoru would stand behind you. Steadying your hand. 

“Good. More pressure on the incision. Spread the fascia. Good. Don’t puncture the lung, they need that right?” 

And the second you get to the heart he gives you a tiny nod of approval. Takes over at the head of the bed. You’re in for a LONG OR night with Dr. G, hope you had dinner.

Dr. Suguru Geto: 

Specialty: PLASTIC & RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY

Alright chat, hear me out. I know what you are about to say. I am biased because it’s my specialty and the boy is fucking pretty. But contrary to popular belief aesthetic surgery is 10% of our field. We do burn, hand, bony and soft tissue craniofacial (cleft lip, palate, etc), cancer reconstruction, trauma reconstruction, etc. Suguru is meticulous. He can sew up a severed 4 mm peripheral nerve with his eyes closed. He demands perfection in EVERY case. In the OR he watches your hands like a hawk. 

“Don’t skive the blade or the dermis will be uneven.” “Approximate, don’t strangulate.” “Cut that stitch out and do it perfectly the next time.” 

And when it’s good. I mean fucking flawless. He looks at you over his mask with those violet eyes. ONLY smiling with his eyes. 

“Good job. Make it perfect next time.” — This is the highest form of praise you will ever receive from a plastic surgeon. We are chronically unimpressed. Take it and RUN. 

Dr. Kento Nanami:

Specialty: TRANSPLANT SURGERY 

Phew this one is going to make me emotional. Nanami has a very special and private ceremony he does to honor those that have given life to others with their bodies. He sits on the top of a hill by the airport. For each plane that takes off, he names a donor patient, thanks them, and says his goodbye. Your first kidney transplant (personal experience) you cry like a little baby when they pink up and the patient starts making urine at the end of the case. 

Nanami tilts his head and chuckles. “Congratulations, doctor. You just made your patient urinate. How does it feel?” 

For a patient who has been on Hemodialysis for a decade. Chained to machines 3x/week. Can’t remember the last time they’ve independently gone to the bathroom? It feels fucking amazing. You’d cry too. 

Dr. Ryomen Sukuna

Specialty: ORTHOPEDIC SURGERY 

Who here is shocked? Raise your hand? Because I don’t know WHAT contract the orthopods have with the Gods but every single one of them is 6’5, works out 3 times/day and drinks muscle milk in between cases. The thing about Ryo is that he doesn’t give a single FUCK if the patient is 99 years old on blood thinners, 10L of O2 at home because of COPD — he WILL take them to the OR and he WILL smash that hip to smithereens because a hip replacement is a hip replacement okay?

I kid you not, my attending and I came into the OR to finish reconstruction on an ortho case. I’m 5’3, my attending is 5’0. The orthopods were 6’5 and 6’6 the patient table was basically touching the ceiling. When we scrubbed in they had the audacity to say:

“Can we lower the table to plastics height?”

RUDE. 

Dr. Shoko Ieiri 

Specialty: NEUROSURGERY

This one is obvious. Neurosurgeons are brilliant. Naturally some of the most gifted humans I have ever met. Special grade. And given the unfortunate outcomes a lot of their patients face, they all have a darkness about them. Both charming and intimidating. Twisted humor to cope with devastating loss after loss. I don’t have to explain much here. After a 15 hour Chordoma case, Shoko walks outside the HOSPITAL to smoke a CIGAR.

Literally everyone is like???? Aren’t you a literal doctor??? Our moody brunette just takes a long drag and says:

“Do me a favor. If I ever need a ventilator to breathe for more than 48 hours, pull the plug and smother me with a pillow.” 

(Shoko I’m here anytime if you want someone to smother—what?! Who?)

Dr. Utahime Iori

Specialty: ANESTHESIA 

The Gas Gang. EVERYONE loves the anesthesiologists. Fiercely intelligent. Insane handle on physiology. The sleeper pick. They are the smartest person in the room. Surgeons are just fancy plumbers. Anesthesiologists actually keep the patient alive. And the thing about our Gas Gods, is that they WILL take a coffee break, ok? All that standing for 10 hours shit is NOT for them. 

Part II Here: Meet your first year residency class. Grunts. Bottom of the surgical food chain. Hope they slept after med school graduation because the first shift lasts 36 hours. And you work every second night until you drop.

Eat when you can. Sleep when you can. And DON'T fuck with the pancreas (and for the love of GOD don't fuck the attendings)

[optimus-prime-advice]

Blogmin (blog admin) motivation post!!

So I never speak directly here besides in my intro post, but I decided I'm gonna come out to talk for a change, because I want y'all to know:

It really does get better.

That's me. I'm a disabled man who's autoimmune in at least 5 ways, possibly more than that, I can barely walk and I mostly limp, and I usually have to use a walking stick. I suffer from chronic pain, PTSD, and far more.

But today, I got my tax return. I decided I was going to treat myself, and visit the thrift store to see what all was there, maybe get a new shirt and a plushie or something.

Yet I found something FAR better than any of that combined.

I found an Xbox 360.

I'm 24 currently. When I was a young kid, the Xbox was THE console to have. I had nothing but a computer, and some disks with games. My parents were not wealthy at all. They struggled to get money for groceries. And all my friends, all my classmates, they had Xbox 360s left and right, my neighbor had 3 or 4 of them, my friend also had at least 3, and yet there I was with... nothing. Nothing at all. No Gamecube, no Wii, no Xbox, no Playstation, no PSP, no GBA, and so on.

Eventually, years later, my parents did save enough money to buy my siblings and I a Playstation 2 for Christmas, and we proceeded to play it so much that, within 3 years tops, it broke.

I was devastated. I had no way to play games yet again.

That year, for my birthday, my friend had a PS2 that he no longer used, and his brother had bought the PS3. Thus, for a present, I got my friend's old PS2. I was SUPER happy, and my eyes lit up like Christmas lights. I spent many hours after school for a long time playing Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2.

As I grew into an adult, more consoles came out. However, I grew up mostly PC gaming, and after my little brother built himself a PC, I decided I would do the same. I worked overtime with more than 40 hours a week at a minimum wage job while in college, for many months straight, and got the parts I needed. To this day, it's my best gaming platform with top-of-the-line hardware including a 2070 super RTX graphics card, and 5TB of space, of which 3TB is on SSDs. I live for playing games on my PC, and have multiple triple A titles. I've got a dual monitor setup with one 32in monitor on the bottom, and a 24in curved monitor on top, a cheap camera, cheap soundbar that's surprisingly good quality for just $35, and a cheap standing mic.

This past winter, in December, my mother had to go in for open heart surgery. During November on Thanksgiving day, she suffered a heart attack. When she went in for the surgery, it was supposed to be a one and done situation. One "quick" surgery turned into 2 near death experiences, being airlifted to another hospital, another 2 surgeries, then 3 more, and over 40 nights of hospital stays across 4 months.

On the same day I nearly lost my mother last, I nearly lost my good friend to ending himself, and had to stay awake until well past 3am trying to get authorities to help him. That same day, too, I almost lost my sister to the same thing.

And the day after that? I lost my only job.

Weeks later, I lost my insurance coverage, and couldn't get medical help as my chronic pain flared to the absolute worst it's ever been, I began getting chronic intense migraines every morning I woke as well, and I only just got the insurance back recently.

Needless to say, I've been scraping by desperately for months now.

But today, I got my tax return. And I decided, to treat myself, I was going to go to the thrift store.

And there, sitting on the shelf amongst a bunch of printers, literally blending in to the white of the shelf itself, was an Xbox 360. I would not have known it was there had I not picked it up to see what its weird grey piece sticking out was.

Immediately, I snagged this. With the wires connected, the entire package was $14. I had a 360 compatible controller sitting around for my PC, but I never used it. So there, I had everything I needed. And I walked the store looking for anything else I might need or want, carrying that SUPER heavy console and chargers in my arms for dear life. It sincerely felt like a dream I'd wake from, only to find myself in my bed sad and empty and defeated. The impossible childhood dream coming true... Could it be?

As I checked out, the man at the line smiled and told me he played Xbox 360 himself growing up, and that I'd caught a GREAT find. I was happy. VERY happy.

Carefully, I loaded the console into my car's trunk. I drive an old black car covered in bird poop and pollen regardless of how often I clean it, and most of the time, I can't even get said poop off at all. The front bumper is busted. At any given time, I have no more than half a tank of gas. There's no fancy features, just a radio and a CD port. I've jerryrigged bluetooth with a wired adapter that's always coming out of the socket, and plugged it to a cigarette lighter with a charger so the adapter never dies. I can only play audio from my phone, but I can't make calls or answer them while driving.

Nonetheless, with this console inside my car, I drove home, fearful that I was still dreaming, and would wake any moment.

But I made it home safely, and when I opened the trunk, the Xbox was still there.

I smiled. I smiled A LOT.

Tonight, I went ahead and plugged it in to my TV. With a deep breath, I turned it on, and...

It works. The Xbox 360 works beautifully, minus the fact that it's currently black and white because I've hooked the adapters wrong. I'll fix that tomorrow since it's well past 3am now.

I'm not sure who brownie71985 is, but whoever they are, their old Xbox has now made a former poor kid, now disabled and struggling, depressed adult, VERY happy. They've made his life COMPLETE.

Though my mental health has taken many turns for the worst over the last few months, I kept telling myself it will get better. It will get better. It will get better... But when?

Today. That's when.

I lived long enough to see my childhood dreams come true. The impossible thing of all impossible things to me as a kid, is now achieved as an adult. :) And I lived to see it.

It's always worth it to make it. To keep going. Better days are ahead, and you'll keep asking yourself when they're going to come. But that day could be today! You don't know because you haven't lived to see it yet. So go. Live today. And tomorrow. And every day after that. You're going to find your better at some point if you keep living. I promise. :)