#and ive been too anxious to eat but | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ducktollers · 1 year

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imma keep it real with u guys idk how im gonna stand the anxiety this semester . and i must stand it i have no choice

#grin and bear it. i am so TIRED of grinning and bearing it #actually im not grinning . im glaring to stop my eyes from watering or staring at my hands fidgeting while i bear it #university is just like. i dont belong here. i shouldnt be here. ur all so passionate abt this and i didnt even do the reading.#im too scared to make eye contact or talk . and then i get sad and insecure abt always being the odd one out. while i glare at the floor #every semester i say my name and lie and say sheher pronouns and it makes me taste bile. and i cant stop sweating. and i hate it here.#someone has to sit right next to me and suddenly my breath probably stinks. i probably stink. my skin looks so bad. my hair looks so bad.#and i stare at my lap and see my big ass thighs and im like Oh yeah im a woman. thanks i hate it. if i dont wear a binder i feel sick #if i do wear a binder i cant breathe and cant stop sweating #im tense all day. my whole body hurts. im too anxious to eat. i should bc my stomach will growl.if i eat my stomach will gurgle loud anyway.#i need to get out of here. im so close to the end. ive been dying inside for years. ive never been anything but a student. im terrified.#🙂#u know. its like that #x

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caseyscraftycorner · 1 year

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#have just realized that i am reflexively anxious about doing anything i enjoy. ever.#like #i get anxious eating food i like.#i get anxious using soap i like #i get anxious when i watch things i enjoy.#if i enjoy it? it feels like im doing something wrong #like someone is gonna get mad at me for it #i even justify having my own fucking hobby of *BOARD GAMES* because 'well other people play them with me #and then at board game night!!!!#im too fucking anxious to suggest BOARDGAMES at BOARDGAME NIGHT #sometimes i just sit out!! because playing them (something i *enjoy*) makes me TOO FUCKING ANXIOUS #im just. its sending me. for year ive been like 'whats wrong with me' because everything felt Vaguely Off #and it turns out that was was wrong was 'gets anxious when doing things i like'#i hate this. so much.#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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newvegascowboy · 2 years

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#not fallout #kal talks #negative #tbd #but man.#whenever i hit an anxiety spiral it really fucks with my appetite to the point that ill go days without eating much #like i can manage 1200 calories over 3 days #its not anxiety /about/ eating its iust that im anxious so i have no appetite and eating is really difficult #ive lost another four pounds #i can see my hipbones and my ribs #ive already got a borderline ED and struggle with food avoidance and it really concerns me that this could trigger fullblown anorexia #i think the reason ive been struggling with art and lethargy the last few days is because i havent eaten much #and im fucking tired all the time #and it doesn't help that my mom keeps pointing out how skinny ive gotten #covid made me lose weight and then the thing in march happened snd i couldnt eat for like 2 weeks #October and November were high spikes in anxiety for me too and i could barely manage anything #but like. christ. i can feel my heart beating and how i keep getting lightheaded from standing up and that always happened #but i feel like its gotten worse #fuck man idk. im not underweight for my height but its just the fact that i have not managed to eat much in the last 3-4 days #long ass complicated rant over im gonna delete this later.

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house-in-the-backyard-trees · 1 year

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First time in like 4 days I've actually ate 2 meals in 1 day

#ive been too anxious and nauseous to eat more than 1 #tw food mention #🎸

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dogbunni · 2 years

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if I have been a little quiet this past week that is bc life is swinging a giant cartoon mallet at my head and cackling like the joker experiencing the adrenaline rush of batman driving the batmobile towards him at 120mph. thank you

#my parents went away on holiday and left me in charge of my siblings and the house #which is fine and has happened before and my siblings are basically adults anyway #but my cat got sick again and had to go to the vet to the tune of hundreds of £#turns out he has a skin condition caused by flea bites which idk how he keeps getting them he is an INDOOR cat #the amount of flea pills i have given him in the past 6 months cannot be good for his health #so ive been spraying the whole house down with flea killer and washing all the bedsheets and laundry on the hottest settings #and then this evening he trotted downstairs with two bald paws where he has LICKED THE FUR OFF and it is raw and bleeding in spots #idk wtf to do at this point #he had another seizure too so his meds need adjusting again #so im going to spend more £££ at the vet #to top it all off i have non refundable coach tickets to visit my dad tomorrow so i kind of have to go #fucking. 8 hour journey. kill me #so my sister is going to have to take my boy to the vet instead and im anxious abt that #my special little boy shouldnt have to go to the scary place without me :(#but anyway losing my mind at the emd of my tether have barely picked up my phone the past few days #like what am i doing wrong does my cat just want to die or does he hate me #one thing after a fucking nother #and i have to go into fucking CENTRAL london tomorrow id rather eat fibreglass insulation xx #at least i get to read while im on the district line my beloved <3 #dogbunni diary log

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steampoweredskeleton · 26 days

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#delete later #im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting #for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping #how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant #and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc #to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it #i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly #idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially #good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse #and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out #how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them #im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them #theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting #ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH #im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy #im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT #i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont #deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice #especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train #station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair #to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT #im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is #even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about #field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back #id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of #oh we're not good enough huh #and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one #so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway #i just need to scream bc idk what else to do

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pillowenvelopchair · 4 months

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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ♡♡♡

Hi hare!! Good to see you in my ask box :0)c this isn’t in any particular order lol this is just what came to my mind first

1. Drawing my oc… and by extension completing an artwork of them!! (I looove glausian blur + that comic effect added after im done with a piece)

2. OPM. I absolutely LOVE listening to Lito by Safe. It’s been my favorite OPM song ever since i first listened to it in a playlist on youtube)

3.Recently I visited my grandparents on my mom’s side too!! I love them to bits and I enjoyed cooking with my grandmother especially… I got to see my aunt again and she taught me a new thing (need to try searching tutorials for it… also forgot what it was called)

4. An online friend of mine who ive been friends with for a looong time gave me prints while I was visiting Canada for a bit!!! I need to put them up soon (this is the same person who drew rgier for me a while ago)

5. Ive been sleeping earlier now too!! Finally sleeping within the day instead of passing out at 2 or being haunted by anxiety heart palps

#ive been taking it slower too recently #idk just like… counting my wins everyday #like waking up and taking a shower and eating are all wins to me #horrible realization that for years of my life ive put so much of my self worth into art that ive failed to look at other aspects of myself #like… sure! knowing how to draw is nice but… idk the more i grow up the more anxious i get about the future #boo adhd and anxiety honestly #and school! they caused my heart palps!!!#like cmon guys i should not experience THIS much anxiety because of SCHOOL of all things #at least that caused me to make a new oc lol #oops accidentally rambled in tags again #envelop rambles #thanks for the ask hare!!!#this is reminding me that i have asks rotting in my box… sorry guys #answered envelops #lets see if i remember that tag

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deepfriedseagullfeet · 7 months

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my energy levels b like: i wake up. i feel refreshed and want to do things so i write a to do list. i maybe accomplish 2 things. its lunchtime so i eat. then i get very tired. so i lay in bed for 3 hours hoping to sleep but i dont. 5 pm hits and i end up doing more things for about an hour then its dinnertime. i eat and then my brain goes "oh so were done for the day" and then i do nothing and pass out in bed with all the lights on around 9 pm

#also i can only draw after 5 pm (i dont know why either) so sometimes i draw after i eat dinner #in summary im tired all the time and on my days off i either stress myself out to the point of anxiety attacks #or i push myself too hard and burn out #and then on working days i do even less at home cause i get out of work and im stressed and tired #also couple the low energy levels with being sad as fuck and being anxious for hours until i tire myself out #AND I WONDER WHY I CANT GET ANYTHING DONE #i genuinely dont know why i have such low energy levels but ive struggled with being tired for many many years #and nobody knows whats wrong with me ive been to doctors and gotten plenty of blood drawn and they say im fine #but i dont think its normal to be this tired and low energy constantly #so whatever. i try to work around it #life with seag

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perths · 1 year

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#been wanting to order food all week because ive been seriously giving in to ed thoughts the past few weeks but ordering it gives me so so #much anxiety but i finally did it but because it took an hour to arrive i was too anxious and worked up to even eat it in the end im so #annoyed at myself because i just wanna be OK #ugh like i #went out today for the first time in a week toeven though i was so anxious so i rly thought the anxiety wasnt as bad as i was telling mysel #but im still. like 30 seconds away from throwing up im sure #hate myself tbH.

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dhampir-dyke · 1 year

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#TW FOR DISORDERED EATING #SORTOF #IVE BEEN SO STRESSED OUT AND ANXIOUS THAT I HAVENT EATEN A MEAL IN. FUCK. FOUR DAYS #I freaked out and weighed myself and ive lost 10 fucjing pounds. jesus fucking christ #so im going to a fast food joint before work and eating bc i have been subsisting off purely anxiety and energy drinks #no fucking wonder ive been feeling like shit. its a miracle i havent passed the fuck out yet bc ive been working + on my period too

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