#and just. rest. bc I know Thursday is going to be a lot for me bc of my ASL class.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Me, yesterday, 5:30 PM: wow I’m honestly doing so great at my adult tasks; I’ve gotten some homework done, I went grocery shopping, my laundry is almost dry. I spent so many spoons and I barely feel tired! Maybe I’m finally fully recovering from burnout!

Me, yesterday, 6:00 PM: oh.

[steviescrystals]

the last post i reblogged just reignited my rage over something that happened my freshman year of college so mini rant in the notes lol

[callsign-rogueone]

all the small things - g.t.

Garrick Tavis x gn!reader 💌: …would you consider writing something for Garrick that explores some of the little intimate, familiar, or caring details he would do for/with the person he’s in a relationship with? words: 1.1k 🏷: no book spoilers! NSFW at the end, because it’s Garrick and I had to. just some thoughts about Gare being soft and cute (and a little sexy) with his partner. I managed to make this gender neutral. I’m trying a list format this time bc that flows better than a dozen little scraps lol

I feel like Garrick is a quiet partner, that he shows his feelings for you in a lot of little ways that you might not even notice.

He’s just always there.

If you’re studying, he’s studying with you, or working on something else quietly, sharpening his knives, etc.

While you’re chatting with a friend, he’s sitting a foot or two away, slicing a clean dagger through an apple, cutting off a small piece and extending it to you silently.

He is absolutely not afraid to use his stature and his scary reputation to his advantage when it comes to protecting you. 

Some guy made you uncomfortable in the laundry room? Well, now every Thursday night is laundry night for both of you, and he’s gonna stand behind you the whole time, brooding at anyone in the room Xaden-style and making sure they leave you alone.

Your safety is his number one priority.

We all know Dain’s philosophy — I’m going to do everything I can to keep you out of harm’s way

Garrick’s is a bit more nuanced — Harm is going to come to you no matter what, because the world is cruel and we’re literally preparing for war. While I’ll still do everything I can to protect you, I’ll also do everything I can to teach you to protect yourself.

He’s strict about keeping your training routine, giving you extra practice sparring near-daily. He knows when you can handle it and when you can’t. On days when you’re truly exhausted, injured, or at your limit, or something really upset you etc, you’ll spend training time resting — cuddles!

I know this man is an amazing cuddler. All that soft, warm muscle… big hands… strong arms to wrap around you… there’s no escape. Not that you’d ever want to leave lol

… Where were we?

He takes responsibility for your safety (as much as he can in this very dangerous school) while still letting you handle yourself.

That said, he’ll take matters into his own hands for small situations. He will not hesitate to pull you out of the way if people run by and might bump into you, etc. (plus it’s an excuse for him to hug you in the middle of the day lol)

He grabbed you by the back of your shirt once to stop you from hitting the ground when you tripped over your own shoelace — he then proceeded to set you upright and kneel down to tie said shoelace for you. 

Xaden never lets him hear the end of that. (“How come you never tie my shoes for me, Gare?”)

Big acts of service guy.

He’ll fill your water bottle in the morning, and he expects it to be empty at the end of the day or he will make you chug it because hydration is important. He ignores any eye rolls or complaints — you both know that he does this because he loves you.

He makes sure you’re eating, knows your favorite and least favorite foods, and will wordlessly move things on / off of your plate at meals, because you’re sitting directly next to him, of course. You know he wants you close and that’s a way you show love back to him. You also give him your leftovers sometimes. The boy can eat; that's half of how he put on so much muscle.

If you have long hair, he’ll keep one of your hairbands or pins etc in his pocket for whenever the need arises. He likes helping you with your hair, too. He's not the best at braiding or doing other hairstyles, but he’s trying and he’s improving! He also absolutely loves it when you sit in front of him and let him brush your hair / detangle / condition it etc.

He will always take the opportunity to wash your hair. He's super thorough with it and it feels so nice and relaxing.

As Ilya Kaminsky wrote: “Soaping together / is sacred to us / Washing each other’s shoulders. / You can fuck / anyone— but with whom can you sit / in water?”

Garrick. Garrick is whom. he loves showering with you after a long day, washing your back or places you can’t reach, being super gentle with any injuries you have, kissing every bruise and scar.

aaand this is getting nsfw, because it’s Garrick;

Don’t get me wrong though — he loves showering with you for other reasons, too. He loves seeing you naked, obviously, loves gliding soapy hands over your skin, kneading the softest parts of you, massaging gently and getting you all pliant and relaxed for him…

He’ll never pass up an offer to press you against the tiled wall and fuck you until you need to take another shower.

Speaking of fucking… Garrick fucks. 

He took his sweet time with you in the beginning, when your relationship was just starting, because he wanted to make you feel loved and safe with him of course, but also because he was studying.

He’s learned almost everything about your body. He knows what feels good for you, and recognizes all the signs that you’re about to cum — the cute sounds and expressions you make, the way your breathing changes and you grip his hand a little tighter… 

King of praise btw. The boy cannot shut up between the sheets. always telling you how pretty you are, how well you’re taking it, that you deserve to feel so good, just relax and let it out…

But it isn’t all soft and sweet. He's strong, and you’ve put that strength to the test multiple times. He's more than able to pin you down, to keep your legs spread, to hold you in all sorts of positions while he does what he does best.

Being an executive officer comes with a lot of paperwork, and he often gets stuck doing Xaden’s too (they really need to stop using that as a betting chip), but if you sit on his bed all pretty and keep quiet while he works on it, he’ll make it up to you by bending you over the desk when he’s finished.

Remember what I said about keeping you out of danger? There's gonna be consequences if you do something reckless in training or out in the field… That’s all I’ll say on the subject for now 🤭 

I got a little carried away there… Can you tell I’m currently working on three different Garrick smuts? gonna be exploring some of those things in more detail ^^ 👀

all in all, Gare is an amazing boyfriend and he loves you so much 🥺 big strong boy is just so soft for you and only you, and wants to take care of you all the time and make you feel loved and protect you from the cruelty of the world. ❤️

[hoshigray]

Back at it with pt. ii of the assassin duo! Toji x reader (finally!!): where the reader avoids Toji after the one-night stand, and it goes well for the most part. But can the same be said for Toji? How long can this quiet game go before someone snaps?

A/n: Am I writing this because I'm spitful of getting a community label on my sugar daddy! Toji x sugar baby! reader fic? Yes. Yes, I am. 🙃 Sighhh. But ya know what, it's all good because you lovelies gave it so much love, so tysm for 3k notes!!! And thank you so much for the 300+ followers!! Y'all are too kind~~~ Since I have no idea how to celebrate, I guess another poll will suffice so pick whichever prompt you'd like to see for next Thursday (as well as a bonus art from me hehe)!!!

Also, for context's sake, this is pt. ii of this drabble that I have written, so please give it a read if you ever feel confused. This fic was long overdue and is WAY longer than I EVER intended for it to be, so I apologize for this hefty piece of work. I do hope you like it tho!!

Also, also: @absoluteindulgence here ya go!! just as I promised ccc:

Cw: dom! Toji x fem! reader - fingering (fem! receiving) - Toji gets a bit possessive/jealous - sex in a public place (workplace) - biting - clitoral play (pinches 2x) - Toji is his coky self but reader doesn't back down - implied overstimulation (fem! receiving) - pet names (angel, angel face, baby, darlin', good girl, honey, sweetie, sweetheart, sweet thing) - third party interruptions (they don't walk in on you two doing the deed tho) - kissing session - edging (fem! receiving) - Toji steals your panties bc he's a cheeky asshat - ayoo Toji and reader catching feelings.

Wc: 5.1k (omfg I'm so sorry y'all lmao)

The last time you ran into Toji was the "I'll treat you for dinner with nothing attached" mishap you got yourself into. How can you not ridicule yourself for getting caught in such a moment? The man you hate with every fiber in your being practically had you folded like a pretzel, chuckling and teasing you in your most vulnerable state as he used your body in his way fit.

The most unpleasant thing about it was you reminiscing about those intimate moments you had with him that night. When his hot groans made you squeeze tighter on his dick. His thick fingers in your mouth play with your tongue as he kisses the nape of your neck from the back. When you hold him for support while he pounds into your wet folds, the naughty sounds make you bury your face into the crook of his neck.

Or worse: as Toji had his way with you, he called you the sweetest names as if he truly meant them, like he wouldn't mind calling you by them for the rest of his days.

Images of that night continue to haunt you, especially within the confines of your own home, in your own bed. How many nights has it been since you've fought the urge to touch yourself and failed? Losing count says quite a lot.

"Hnngh, shit shit shit...Fuck, y/n, you don't know what you're doing to me, baby." His voice is present in your mind as your fingers rub your clit. You shut your eyes close once you enter a digit inside your opening. "Awwh, are you embarrassed, angel? Don't wanna look me in the eye? No? Heh, then what are you grippin' 'round me for..." Another digit enters between your folds, and you grip your bedsheets while the memories still play in your head. "Damn, sweetie, lookin' so beautiful fr' me, ya know that?" Faster and faster your fingers go, your sensitivity inching higher and higher. "My beautiful darlin'."

And then you release. Cum slides down your inner thighs as your legs shake, your dignity and shame staining the dry sheets.

Damn you, Toji Fushiguro. Through gritted teeth and tears swelling up, you swear to not get mixed with that man from here on out.

And you do just that. Anytime you saw him within the same corridor or room, you would ghost him as if his familiar tall, solid build could never catch your eye. You'd go on about your business, onto the next task, onto the next client.

You didn't even take his missions anymore, nor did he for yours. Everything was going back to where it was before this incident of yours. As if you two never acknowledged each other in the first place.

It was for the best, at least that's what you told yourself. You had to get back to who you were previously, whether that meant being the top assassin or not. Whichever came first, as long as you were nowhere near him.

As for Toji, he could tell what game you were playing the moment your eyes no longer gave him the time of day. And Toji wasn't mad at it either; he preferred the "no feelings attached" approach. So he did his part to not get mixed into whatever you were doing, missions and all.

But as much Toji tries not to, he can't stop thinking about you. The way your hips sway when you walk past him, your voice soft yet stern when conversing with your handler, and when you check your small hands to see if you adequately cleaned off the blood from the mission prior.

His mind can only think of your wrists trapped under his single hand while he stuffs his fingers into your mouth with the other. Your legs and ass tremble as you ride him. Doing your best not to be too loud, but oh, Toji wants you loud. He wants you to let him know he's making you mewl and shriek, not giving a damn if the whole world knows as well. "Haaah—Ahhh!! T-Toji, please...I'm gonna cum, if you keep—Ohhh!"

Hearing you, kissing you, holding you, all of it. All of you. If he could have you close to him, he'd be as swift as a blink of an eye.

But again, he preferred this way. Less trouble, more work.

And it was going pretty alright.

Well, until you start going on missions with other hitmen.

Although your diligent work ethic and astute experience led you to the top, you've also gained respect and admiration from your colleagues, especially your junior subordinates.

And now that you seemed to stop associating yourself with Toji, some of the other guys tried to use this to their advantage to get closer to you and request your aid for some of their tasks.

And who are you to say no to helping others who wish to improve? There's no wrong in doing so.

Except there is a wrong. Its name is Toji Fushiguro, and the last straw was when he saw one of the juniors try to take you out to dinner (to which you declined, of course). He needed to stop this before some poor rookie's head decorated some walls.

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

Another day goes by, and you go down the hallway from a meeting with your handler, only to see Toji leaning on a wall. You've done this dance several times now. Just keep walking. You walk past him like nothing, easy peasy. Now onto the next task and go see-

"Y/n."

You stop in your tracks when someone calls out to you. No, you know who it was that said your name. It's been a while since you've heard his husky voice. You sigh and continue walking.

Toji's brows furrow. Unless you were seeing things he wasn't, you two were obviously the only people in this hall. Stopping at the sound of his voice is evidence that you're aware of his existence. Yet you move right along.

That's strike one.

He gets up from the wall and follows behind you. Toji stares at your figure, and he knows you can sense him. He huffs, cursing you that you got him following you like some lovestruck schoolboy.

"Y/n." He tries it again.

You didn't stop this time, your face in the direction you were heading.

That's strike two.

Toji sucks his teeth. Now this is getting annoying. He takes five giant steps and places his hand on your shoulder, gripping it so you can stop at that spot. "Yo!!" He doesn't bother hiding his irritation.

"Hey!"

You free your shoulder from his hand in a swift motion, smacking his arm away. It was a small action, but it gave you enough leeway to hop a few extra meters away from him.

However, Toji was way quicker than that.

He grabs and pins you onto the wall of the hallway corner. You wince as the pain is slight, yet nothing too life-threatening. But that can't be said for the look Toji was giving you. Black brows are pulled down, and his forest-green eyes affirm that he's livid.

Strike three it is.

"I fucking dare you to try and get yourself out of this one," His rough hands are now on your shoulders, but they're keeping you in one place this time. "Try it."

A displeased frown paints your face. "Oh? Are you challenging me? I thought you'd have half the brain to know that's not a good idea."

He sneers at your attempt at sounding threatening. It always worked with others, but never with him. He found you adorable for always trying. "Hmph, your sassy mouth loves to spit out venom," Toji leans his face in, his nose almost touching yours. "Thought I fucked that attitude right out of ya."

You bring a knee to his groin, but again, Toji is one step ahead. Grabbing your leg and pulling it up with one hand while he uses the other to hold your wrists above your head.

Your eyes widen. This position, the memories, it's all coming back to you.

Pull yourself together, damn it!

"Tch, what is this about now, you reckless bear?" You glare at the man, trying to stay calm in this predicament.

"I'm fine playing the avoiding game—"

"You don't seem fine about it now." You cut him off.

"I wonder who's to blame for that."

"What the hell did I do? I carried on with my work and left you alone. Everything was going back to how it used to—"

"I don't think you avoiding me and going on other missions with other guys used to happen."

How you fought the urge to roll your eyes amazed you. "What are you, an elementary schooler? Why does it matter to you what I do with my time?"

"Shut up. You know I've been in this field longer than you have, and when you came into the picture, you always chose to be alone."

"Again," your patience wears thin by the second. "Why does it matter to you?"

Silence. He just stares at you as anger dwindles out bit by bit, but he's in his thoughts as his eyes hone in on yours.

"Well?" You press on while he's stumped. "Why?"

No answer, averting his eyes to the side like he'd find the answer there. Then, they come back to your face. Or rather, your lips.

Your breath hitches. "Fushiguro?"

His emerald eyes return to yours, yet his irritation is clouded in a softer tone. Those eyes now express the hooded look from that night. Toji places your leg onto his shoulder and leans closer to you.

"Fushigu—"

"Shhh," His deep voice sounded more demanding when hushed. "Let me have this. Have you."

His lips press onto yours before you deny him. Toji finally frees your hands to cup your face, and his tongue runs through your teeth, waiting for permission to enter. You should be fighting this. You have to fight it. But your mouth opens for him, and your hands grab his shoulders for stability.

You moan sweetly when he slides his tongue into yours, your balance starting to fail you. "I'm still on one leg, you asshole." You manage to say in-between kisses.

Toji laughs a bit before changing your position, pressing your back against the wall with your legs wrapped around him. Once you're comfortable, he's back on attacking your lips. It gets rougher and more passionate, teeth clashing and biting your bottom lip.

He groans when a hand pulls on his hair, his hands grope on your ass lovingly. He breaks up the kiss, you two catching your breath. He gazes at you, "You too, huh?"

Your lips quiver when you turn away from him and nod. He snickers. "Look at you being all shy. You were talking with a lot of sass not too long ago, and now you can barely look at me." He draws his face closer to your neck, giving it sweet kisses and tiny bites that cause you to gasp. And Toji was enjoying your reactions. "Knowing that I'm the one that can make you like this — Mmmph, makes me want to fuck you here and now."

And that's what you want. You won't admit it, but he already knows that. The cooperation with him at this very moment proves it. You want him just as much as he does you.

"Y/n! Where are you?"

The two of you freeze when another voice comes from the other side of the hall. Then you remember a rookie who needed help with a mission today, and you were headed to see him right after your meeting. And now you're pressed between a wall and Toji fucking Fushiguro with your legs wrapped around his waist.

If he sees me like this with Fushiguro, I'm finished!

"T-Toji," your whisper grabs the older man's attention. "You have to put me down. They're waiting for me."

Toji squints at you and then a look of realization. The grin that creeps on his face alerts something in your brain, and you don't know if you like it or not. There's little time for you to come to a proper answer because Toji moves away from the wall and brings you along for the ride. Your arms hold around his neck so you don't fall off as he enters a room and locks the door.

You're now in a tiny conference room with the lights off, only the sunlight peeking through the blinds of the sole window in front of the round table.

"What are you doing, Fushigur—Ack!" Toji throws you onto the table. The pain from your head distracts you from the fact that he's pulling your pants off in immediate haste.

His chuckles sound dangerously low. "So you thought I'd just let you go on some mission when I already have you right where I want you?" Toji spreads your legs for your undergarments to be displayed, whistling at the lewd image of a damp spot on the piece of clothing. "Oh, sweetheart, not with these cute lil' panties of yours."

You were about to get up and grab for his neck, but a finger pushed into your pussy through the cloth. A squeal slips out, and you're quick to cover your mouth.

"Careful, princess," his big hands pull your panties off you, and they meet the cold floor. His middle and forefinger slide up and down between slick-coated cunt has you biting your lip, and Toji likes the determination. "Don't want whoever lookin' for you to walk in on us. This pussy is for my eyes to see only."

"Haaaah...You're such a bastard, Fushiguro—Ooohh!!" Toji pushes his finger into your clothed opening, his free hand coming in the clutch to cover your voice.

Toji leans close to your face with the vibrations of your mewls rippling through his palm while his thick digit plays with your slit. "I mean it, kid. Don't play with me." You nod meekly, and he kisses your forehead for your obedience.

"Hmm, I wonder where y/n went. Hopefully, they didn't forget..." You can hear the voice of your subordinate on the other side of the door as if he's directly in front of it.

Another finger is added into the mix, and tears start to form as you wince through the pain of your nether lips being stretched. You try calling out to Toji, yet it's no use with his big warm hand dwarfing your sobs.

He does remove it, though, using it to maneuver your head so he can lay kisses on your neck. Your choked hiccups sound like sweet notes to his ears. "So good fr' me, sweetie. You smell so fuckin' good. Who're you trying to pull?"

"No-No one...Ahhhh..." You answer in gasps while his digits scrape your inner walls, your mind turning to mush. "I'm not trying anything— Oh fuck..."

"Bullshit." Toji groans and bites your collarbone, and a sharp gasp leaves you. "All this attention, all these rookies gawkin' at you like you're their prize."

"Why? You jealous, Fushiguro?" It wasn't meant to be a snarky comment, yet there was some spice. The glare he gives you sends a chill down your spine. One is sent back to show that you're standing your ground despite the humiliation you're going through.

You're about to say some more; however, you hear the doorknob jolt, and the clench of your velvety walls around Toji's fingers doesn't go past him.

"Huh? Why's the door locked?"

The shock on your face lights a lightbulb for Toji as a big grin takes over him. "Yeah? This space is occupied." He calls out to the person behind the door, the petrified look on your face only fueling his mischievous fire.

"Oh shit, Mr. Fushiguro!?" He snickers at the other's response. "S-Sorry! I didn't mean to disrupt you! I was just looking for someone."

A brow is raised when Toji turns his head to the door. "Who?"

You send your knife-piercing eyes his way, but he still doesn't face you. This motherfucker...

"Y/n," the rookie replies sheepishly. "They said they'd help me and a partner of mine with a mission. But I haven't seen them for a while..."

Please don't ask where I am. Just go somewhere else—Oh God!!

Toji's fingers fasten the pace, and you quickly cover your mouth before the person, oblivious to your absence, gets any inclination of where you are. And it gets worse when Toji's thumb flicks your clit prompting a choked cry. Oh, he's such a cruel man.

Toji hums with a sly smile as he peers at your writhing figure. "Oh, really? Didn't know that."

"By any chance, do you know where they went?"

You can't vocally tell him anything, so you rely on your eyes to convey your anxious pleas, orbs begging him through streamed tears and hooded with shame.

But Toji won't let you off that easily because the fun has just started. He whispers, "Say my name, baby." You blink with scrunched brows. "Say my name like you did that night."

This is too fucking much for me! Your mind is going through waves of turbulence. Of all people to be in this situation with, it has to be the fucker getting a kick out of this!!

Before you think up another sentence, a stinging sensation jolts your body upwards to him. Toji sneers playfully as his fingers leave your soaked folds and pinch your clitoris, your reaction too adorable for him to not stop tormenting you. "C'mon, sweetheart, say my name with your cute ass voice."

Your mind is clouded in this euphoric atmosphere that you can feel the climax inching closer and closer. Your lips are now swollen from having to bite them constantly. Another pinch has you screaming in silence, and you're pushed to accept your fate and give him what he wants: your submission.

"Hic-T-Toji, please," eyes hooded in a fuzzy haze, you reach out for his face. He obliges as you caress his cheeks. "Too much, 's too —hic... too much..."

His jade orbs focus on your dazed expression. A smile pushes his scar up for his teeth to peek through. "There she is. That's my good girl." He draws in to kiss you, his body weight pushing you down on the cold table surface. However, a knock from the door behind him halts him from moving any further. Toji clicks his teeth. Fuckin' brat.

And he removes himself from you, especially his fingers that were warm inside your cunt. The sudden subtraction of them have you exclaiming in soft whimpers. The orgasm you were so close to achieving is ignored and slowly depletes. You feel as though you could cry through the sensitive.

Toji whispers a quick apology and licks his digits marinated with your fluid. Then he marches to the door and opens it enough for half of his body to be visible. The rookie jumps at the tall man looking at the other with the most terrifying scowl. "What?" His gruff voice carries authority, and your pussy throbs as you watch him handle the younger hitman.

"S-Sorry, sir! I asked if you've seen—"

"No, I haven't seen them. Why not ask their handler since they just had a meeting together."

"Oh, okay...Well, excuse me!" Your junior quickly bows at the intimidating senior and scampers out of the scene.

A heavy sigh leaves Toji as he closes and locks the door, "Fuckin' finally." The exasperated tone of his tone falters when he turns to you, replaced with the returning lust. "Now, where were we..." His hands undo the knot around his pants and loosen the hold around his hips.

When his dick is set free, you can't help but gawk at such a thing. Seeing it for the second time is just as — if not more — menacing as the first. The girth and size alone has your mind in a whirlwind, questioning how that even fit inside you in the first place.

Nevertheless, it's no use thinking about such matters because Toji aligns his cock around your folds. When he feels you tense at his veiny organ, he rubs your thighs tenderly to coax you. "Relax fr' me, angel." Hesitation is shown as you nod, but you even your breathing and prepare for him.

Toji pushes his length into you with every breath you take, and it's difficult to adjust to the foreign organ intruding into your poor hole. You grimace every time the tip is shoved against you. Tears finally fall down your face which are wiped by Toji's calloused fingers. "I know, honey, I know."

It feels like forever just having the tip of Toji's dick enter you, and when it does, oh, it does. A loud gasp exits your lips from the intrusion, and inaudible babbles fly out as he pushes his length, stretching your vulva as it ventures deep within you.

Toji, on the other hand, shivers as your inner walls clamp around his cock. "Jesus...This pussy is still so fuckin' tight." He hisses through gnashed teeth. Once the base of his member reaches your opening, you two take a moment to recollect yourselves.

"Hmmm, damn, I missed this." He grinds his hips into you, his hands posted on your hips to savor the clenching feeling of your pussy. "Heh, bet that brat of a subordinate wouldn't know how to handle you like I do."

Even with your mind foggy and senses at an all-time high, you give the older man a look of annoyance. You make your cunt squeeze hard on him, the unexpected action catching him by surprise as he lowers himself to you, using all his willpower not to cum so early.

Before he can curse you out for the unforeseen kegel, you cup his face to have him look at you. "For God's sake, can you not mention him while you're fucking me, Toji?" Your voice hushed for him to pay close attention, but your beautiful dazed expression distracts him. "I'm not thinking about anyone besides you."

You don't even give him a chance to his answer because you pull him into a kiss and moan sweetly into his mouth. He groans and slowly rocks his hips into a stable rhythm.

His thrusts gradually get faster and faster, rearranging your legs around his waist so you don't go sliding on the table surface. Your pants get sporadic, and your cries are a little louder than earlier. But not too loud for the whole building to hear, only for him.

The slap of his balls hitting your ass is so vulgar to the ears that you hide your face. "Cut that out, sweetheart," Toji wastes no time removing your hands and holds them down with his. A feeling of deja vu blossoms in the air. "Don't try hidin' away from me, baby. I want to see all of you."

A sudden burst of confidence fuels your sentence. "Then fuck me like you deserve all of me."

A fire is ignited in Toji, and a sudden deep thrust is thrown at you out of nowhere. Your sobs only propel him to continue piston his length into the deepest parts of your gummy walls.

The conference room is filled with nothing but the sound of your sexes smacking together, skin slapping against each other, and groans and moans in heavy puffs and pants.

"Haahh! Haaaaah!! Tojiii, Tojiiii," you whimper as his pumps go erratically fast, shivering beneath him as your legs cage him.

"Oh fuckin' shit," Toji curses with eyes shut, removing one hand from yours and snaking it down to your clit, using his fingers to press down on the sensitive bud.

Your orgasm climbs back up, and you want to claim it this time. "Toji, 'm gonna, gonna c—Ohhh!!"

"Yeah? Gonna cum for me, sweet thing? Gonna cum on my dick like the good girl you are?" You nod lazily. Toji doesn't buy it. "Use your words, baby. Is that what you want?"

"Yes, Toji, yes!! Please, I want it!!"

And he gives it to you as the pads of his fingers swipe on your bud rapidly. Your release comes crashing down on you when your cunt spasms around the girthy length. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, and your body jolts with every wave of pleasure.

Toji isn't far from his peak, so he doesn't stop pounding into you for a few seconds. The hilt of his cock slams into your slick-covered opening, and you cry from the impact on your aching chasm. He fills you up with his own come and rests his body on you. His heaving figure feels pleasant on top of you.

The two of you begin to calm down as you finish each other's climax. Toji breathes on the crook of your neck and leaves a trail of kisses. "Fuck, pussy felt way too fuckin' good —kiss— Don't think I'd like the idea of sharin' you with the rest."

You shake your head and chuckle at him, placing your hands behind his neck and playing with his hair. "Whatever you say, you possessive loser."

Toji lifts his head and kisses your forehead before your lips, the two of you indulging in this tender moment as if nothing outside this space matters to you.

That is, until another knock on the door alerts you both, and Toji has to resist the urge to break the table you're lying on. Withdrawing from your embrace, he shouts at the person ruining his time with you. "Look here, brat! I told you this space is occupied!"

"I'm aware. That's why I came to get you." The different voice has Toji realize it wasn't the junior from before but his handler. Shiu Kong? "I was told by some rookie that you were in this room."

Toji groans as he puts his pants back on. For your sake, you keep your mouth shut and let the two men converse through the door between them. "What's up?"

"I just got you into a big operation. The client wants to meet with you to discuss plans and all that fun jazz. So meet with me outside the building whenever you're ready." And with that, Shiu's footsteps falter away from the room.

You finally get up from the table and grab your panties. Or, at least, look in the direction of where your panties should be. Looking to the left? Nope. To the right? Nada. Where did they go?

You hear the click of the door opening, and you run behind an office chair to hide your bare lower body. The culprit was Toji leaving to meet his handler, but what caught your eye was the familiar piece of clothing swirling around his finger. His childish smirk was plastered on his face. "Mind I borrow these for the rest of the day?"

Your face goes hot with unease. "Quit it, Fushiguro! I can feel your cum going down my legs, so hand it over!"

But he doesn't, stuffing the undergarments in his pocket, to your immediate horror. "Nah, I think I'll need 'em, ya know. A lil' motivation for me while I'm gone."

His dumb laugh fills his ego, but it stops when he sees you pick the chair up and throw it at him. He barely escapes as the furniture loudly bangs on the closed door, running away from the scene to meet up with Shiu.

"FUSHIGURO, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!"

It's the first time you lose your cool with Toji, and all you can think about in this room of shame and humiliation is why did you get yourself tangled up with the older man again!?

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

"I'm sorry for the sudden disappearance. Something came up on my end, and I had to take care of it immediately."

You found that subordinate later that day and apologized for your abrupt disappearance. They were accepted by the other, who nervously chuckled at your politeness.

"Oh, it's fine, y/n," he scratches his neck and looks to the ground. "I was just worried something happened with you, but I'm sure that wasn't the case since you're so good at what you do!"

You offer a small smile for his compliments, maintaining a calm composure so he doesn't see through the tiny nervous part of yourself. Oh, you don't even know the half of it, junior.

Your smile makes the younger hitman blush, but something catches his eye from behind you. "Huh? Oh, Mr. Fushiguro is back from his mission!"

You perk up at what your peer said, looking in the same direction he was. Shiu Kong was walking up with Toji tailing behind him. You greet Shiu with a brief bow, and he mirrors the action in return.

Once your eyes land on Toji, he's already grinning like a child with a hand rustling in a pocket, and you know what's inside it. "Hey, y/n." His patronizing tone doesn't go overlooked, causing your cheeks to heat up.

Your gaze averts from his cocky demeanor, yet you greet him. "Welcome back, Toji."

The look on the younger hitman across from you displays nothing but perplexity. Even Shiu Kong's brows shoot up with what you said. The junior is the first to say something. "Y/n, y-you just called Mr. Fushiguro by his first name!"

"Yeah, that's a first." Shiu agrees as the cigarette between his lips bounces at every word. "You only refer to him by his last name."

You blink once. You blink twice. And then it finally hits you. Oh shit.

The heat in your cheeks spreads across your face, and your lips lightly tremble as you try to explain yourself. But Toji beats you to the punch as he snakes an arm on your shoulder and brings you close to his chest, resulting in a squeak that your lips fail to suppress. He sneers at the younger man staring at the interaction.

"That's right, y/n and I have gotten pretty close, as you can tell." The grin on his face has a harmless glow, but those sharp emerald eyes of his are shadowed with a dangerous connotation. "After all, she is my special girl." Your subordinate gulps.

Toji snickers, satisfied with the younger hitman taking the hint. He then turns to you, and you do the same. "And as for you, darlin'," He leans in to whisper something in your ear. Something only for you to make your eyes wide and your breath still.

"Next time I see you with this brat, don't think I won't fuck the shit out of you with him watchin'. Show him just how special and good you are fr' me."

[xyouami]

PROLOUGE ::

*ILLUSTRATION MADE BY XYOUAMI!! (me :cute:)*

"I've known you more than anyone. Your parents, your grandparents, your friends, it doesn't matter. No matter how long I'll do this, l'll do it until you'll be able to rest."

★ SYNOPSIS : in which case, your life has been happy and cheerful ever since. Nothing stopped in your way, and you cherished it. Wanting to keep continuing your dreams and wishes as is. But that stops immediately after a death that'll stop time for you—but not him. Scaramouche, your best friend.

THEMES/WARNINGS : Angst, Fluff, gore, murder, strong language, suicide, characters dying, reincarnation, hint of romance, slow burn, modern time, corny as shit, GN reader, reader is energetic social butterfly bc it adds contrast to the story PLSS,

(TUMBLR POST WILL CONTAIN CHANGES, WATTPAD WILL HAVE FULL ORIGINAL. Also basically a shoujo manga type in the Prolouge, watch out ☠️ (Reason for this: my wattpad writing is absolute shit so tumblr masterlist is better)

"Hey, Scaramouche!" Y/n called out.

"What took you so long?" Scaramocuhe scoffed. "I'm sorry, Hu Tao was taking too long." As Y/n said that, Hu Tao jumped on Y/n's back.

"Hey, hey!" Hu Tao giggled.

"You slept in! Did you at least eat some breakfast I made?"

"Yeah, it was really, really good!" Hu Tao said.

"What did you like? I'd love it if I were to pack some for you." Y/n smiled warmly at Hu Tao. Hu Tao was living with Y/n's family due to her not having a home yet. Hu Tao's caretaker, Zhongli, is out for a business trip. So until then, for the rest of high school, she will have to live with Y/n.

"Where's Yanfei?" Y/n asked.

"She's sick today, so she can't come to school. She has such a high fever! I'm worried." Hu Tao moped.

"Cmon, she'll be fine in a few weeks. It takes a while for her to get well whenever she gets sick, right?"

"Yeah, but what makes me even more worried is that she has a fever. This rarely happens."

"Cmon, let's go already. Do you guys have your tickets?" Scaramouche asked.

"Yep!" Hu Tao held out her ticket.

"Mhm." Y/n held out theirs, too.

"Alright, let's go." When Scaramouche said that, the doors of the train opened.

"Let's go, let's go!" Hu Tao said happily.

The train wasn't really busy at this time of day since it was still the morning.

"How's Kazuha?" Y/n asked Scaramouche.

"He's doing okay. Why ask?"

"I heard recently, his close friend got murdered."

"Ah, I know. That was years ago, though."

"4 years is really short, you know?" Y/n said in a quietly soft tone, sounding tired yet full of hope.

"But yeah, he's okay."

"I've heard he's made a new friend already, his name is Shikanoin Heizou... right..?" Y/n looked at Scaramouche.

"Yeah." Scaramouche looked blankly at Y/n. Y/n's eyes were always shining no matter how sad they could be.

"Hey, Y/n you down for karaoke?" Hu Tao giggled.

"Hm.. tonight?"

"Yeah! I've got coupons! You could invite your friends!"

"Oh, I'm so down!" Y/n said brightly.

Scaramouche looked at the back of Y/n's head as they talked to Hu Tao. 'How could I ever have them as a friend? Tch, I've known them since 7th grade. And now we're in sophomore year. They're a bother, but at least I have something to tell Nahida when i get home.' Scaramouche thought.

"Hey Scaramouche! Are you down for karaoke tonight?" Hu Tao asked.

"Can't, I've got tutoring.

"Oh yeah, I remember you've got tutoring every Tuesday and Thursday." Y/n said with a deadpanned face, followed along with a small smile.

"I've told you that like 7 months ago!" Scaramouche said."

"Just admit it, I'm better than you." Y/n smirked.

"Shut up." Scaramouche flicked Y/n's forehead.

"Ow! At least be grateful! Without me, you could've never passed those tests!" Y/n said angrily.

Hu Tao laughed. 'Wow, cuties in a pod.' Hu Tao smirked.

————

Y/n looked at their phone. "9:48 am... we'll get there by 10:02 am and classes start at 10:49 am." Y/n muttered.

"You sure keep track of time a lot.

"That's because I wanna be on time every day." Has anybody seen Y/n late to class? Nope. It's not such a thing.

"Little ol perfecto." Scaramouhe bonked his hand on Y/n's head.

"Hey, can you stop?"

"Make me."

Y/n did a slow turn to Scaramouche. He immediately drew his hand back to himself and moved his gaze to the window across from them. Y/n and Hu Tao were listening to music through their earbuds and humming playfully to a song.

Hu Tao and Y/n chatted as Scaramouche dazed himself out. "Were almost here." Y/n took out theirs and their earbud in Hu Tao's ear.

"Hey, the song wasn't even finished!"

"Were almost here, cmon." Y/n nudged Hu Tao's bag gently.

Y/n put their phone and earbuds in their school bag and picked it up from the ground.

"Scara." Y/n muttered. They gently nudged his arm to bring him back to his zoning out dreamland.

"Uh, yeah, right." He got up with his bag as they left the train station. Just a couple minutes of walking.

"How much again?" Hu Tao put a hand to her chin with a playful grin.

"2 minutes." Y/n replied.

"Ganyu on watch out duty again?" Hu Tao asked. It was eerily quiet.. but it was comforting?

"Yeah." Before even Y/n could answer, he did it for them.

Scara, Hu Tao, and Y/n made it to the school gates as small amounts of students were going towards the school. Hu Tao exhaled.

"Can't believe Tevyat High is possibly the most ghetto but expensive school in the city." Hu Tao yawned.

Y/n laughed. "Hey, Ganyu!" Y/n waved.

"Oh? Hello!"

"Is Layla in the library with Kaveh?"

"Yep. Just go in there and look for them. They should be at table two. But how are you guys doing? I haven't seen you guys in forever." Ganyu smiled.

"I'm doing well." Y/n said.

"I'm doing great! I'm a little tired, though." Hu Tao said. Ganyu gave Hu tao a nod.

"Hello, Scaramouche. How are your studies?"

"I don't study." Scara said blankly.

"Oh, well. You should study. It's a good habit to develop." Scaramouche just looked at Ganyu with a deadpanned face.

"Me and Scara will be going now. Bye Ganyu, bye Hu Tao!" Y/n waved to them goodbye.

"Byebye!" Hu Tao waved. Ganyu did a small wave goodbye as Y/n caught up with Scaramouche.

Y/n exhaled.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just tiring trying to keep my energy up, I didn't sleep much last night. I had a bad feeling something was going to happen today."

"What? That you gotta study for the test tomorrow?"

"I think so..." Y/n moped.

"It's fine, N/n."

"Hey, you used my nickname!" Y/n pointed out.

"Yeah? So what?"

"I've never heard you in my life say that!" Y/n beamed with light.

"Tch." Scaramouche scoffed. Scaramouche listened to Y/n ramble until they got to their classroom. They saw Thoma and Yoimiya talking.

"Hey Thoma! Hey Yoimiya!" Y/n waved.

"Hey, hey! Tell Hu Tao I said hi, and whats up?"

"Hm? Where's Ayaka? She's usually here with you guys." Y/n said.

"She's off heading errands for Mr. Ginger."

"You mean Tartaglia?" Thoma said.

Scaramouche looked at Y/n. Scaramouche.. felt wrong. He felt everything was about to go wrong. And he felt like his intuition was right.

"Scaraaaaa." Y/n waved in Scaramouche's face.

"Hm? What?"

"You were spacing out."

"Uh, yeah." Scaramouche replied in a sarcastic voice and turned his head away.

"Is that just all you say?"

"I don't know."

"Dude, get your shit together." Y/n giggled. Y/n sat at their sear while Scaramouche pulled up a chair and sat in front of them.

"Anyway, let me tell you something..." Y/n rambled and rambled on and on for 10 minutes straight to Scaramouche. He listened and didn't say a single word. Y/n didn't care if he was listening or not. They just kept on going.

"Y/n." Scaramouche cut them off mid sentence.

"Hm? Yeah?" Y/n smiled at Scaramouche.

"Do you... like anyone?"

"Ouuh!! Nows the time I tell you!"

"So you do?"

"Yes, yes!"

"Who is it?" Scaramouche asked plainly. He raised an eyebrow

"Hmm... when I was in 8th grade, and a freshman, I used to have a crush on... Kazuha!" Y/n whispered.

Scaramouches heart stopped.

"Do you still like him?"

"Well... I'd guess I'd say yeah. He's a nice guy, and he's really cool. He's generous, smart, pretty, kind to everyone, and he's calm and collected." Y/n paused and their smile faded. They looked to the window of the outside to their right.

"Although..." Y/n stared at the window with bright spring leaves falling down.

"He's just too good for me. I mean, we're best friends and everything, but I have you. Even if I do get with Kazuha, you will forever be my best friend." Y/n said.

"What about Hu Tao?"

"She's a good friend too. But I've only known her since 8th grade. You, on the other hand. I've never had a closer friend than you. All of my childhood friends dropped me because I wasn't my best and that I wasn't just a good friend in general. You've probably been the friend I've had longest."

Scaramouche thought about that, drowning in his thoughts again. Until the teacher clapped his hands to get back in their seats. He immediately drew his seat back.

-------

Hu Tao yawned as she packed her bags.

"Cmon, let's hurry and go to karaoke!" Yoimiya excitingly said, as Ayaka came up.

"Hello! Mind if I join? My brother said it would be alright."

"Yes, of course!" Yoimiya said to Ayaka.

"You coming?" Y/n looked at Scaramouche.

"Yeah, Mrs. Miko said Xingqiu would take cover for my tutoring."

"Ah! That's wonderful! Get more people!"

"I have ten coupons! I have plenty." Hu Tao smug face.

"Woah! Now I know who to exactly bring." Yoimiya said.(

Sorry if there's so many timeskips I'm just lazy ok (　'⊇｀)

—— at karaoke bc I'm a lazy ass mf

"So how do you work this thing?" Heizou asked, he inspected the device and scrolled down endless songs to count.

"Okay, so first, this is the search bar to look for songs if you wanna sing. Here is the queue of songs people are going to sing..." Y/n rambled how to work the karaoke device and microphone to Heizou who was a newbie.

"Oh, thanks a bunch!" Heizou said.

"No problem!" Ayaka sang a song, and of course, everyone in the room clapped loudly and cheered.

Y/n looked at Scaramouche just drinking a soda."You wanna sing?"

"No." Scaramouche immediately replied with no hesitation.

"Awh, but the reason to come here is to sing! Not drout out." Y/n said to Scaramouche.

"Y/n! Your next!" Ayaka said, she held out the microphone to Y/n.

——— after karaoke bc I'm a lazy ass mf AGAIN. (full version in wattpad)

Hu Tao sang, Heizou sang, Kazuha sang, Thoma sang, everyone sang, but Scaramouche.

"Scara, do you not want to sing?"

"Um." Scaramouche moved his gaze to Y/n, then looked away.

"Yeah? I'll do a duo with you."

They searched up a song they liked, "Alright, get yo butt over here!" Y/n grabbed Scaramouche's hand.

"Hey, wait!" Scaramouche exclaimed to protest.

"Here's the microphone, I believe you like this song a lot. So you'll sing it with me! I know you can sing, I've heard you hum and sing songs aloud before. Don't be shy!" Y/n nudged Scaramouche.

"It's not that...—"

"The song's starting, get ready!"

"Whew... I'm wiped out." Hu Tao said, while wiping off some sweat off her forehead.

"Were going home now." Kazuha picked up his bag from the ground and went to Heizou.

"Right! Goodnight, Kazuha! Goodnight, Heizou! Get home safe!" Y/n gave them a small smile and wave.

"You too." Kazuha smiled, and left with Heizou.

"You down for a sleep over?" Yoimiya said.

"Ah, I wish. But I can't." Y/n said.

"Why not? Have some fun at least." Yoimiya nudged their shoulder gently, then chuckled.

"Well, goodnight Scaramouche and Y/n! Get home safe!" Ganyu left.

"We'll be heading out with Thoma." Ayaka said.

"Right, you want me to call Ayato for you?" Thoma asked.

"Yes, and you might wanna stay with the sleepover group as well. You live quite far away. Ayato can just pick you up." Ayaka said while pulling her phone out.

"Right, well then. It was nice being with you guys. Goodnight and get home safe!" Thoma waved goodbye. Yoimiya, Ayaka, Thoma and Hu Tao left as Scaramouche and Y/n followed behind.

"Did you have fun?" Y/n asked.

"A little." Scaramouche mumbled.

"What? Can you repeat that?" Y/n said.

"I said I didn't."

Y/n giggled. "Next time you will. I promise you."

Y/n nudged him with their arm. And picked him up from the seat, and led him away to the exit.

"Thank you for joining Izumi Karaoke!" A staff member said.

Y/n waved goodbye to the staff as they waved goodbye too.

"Right. This is a goodbye until tomorrow!" Y/n said outside the building.

"Goodnight, Ayaka, Hu Tao, Yoimiya, and Thoma! Get home safe!"

"We will! You too with Scaramouche!" Hu Tao waved.

"Goodnight!" Hu Tao and the others waved goodbye as they walked away.

"We should go now." Y/n turned around and stopped for Scaramouche to come.

"I'll walk with you, it's dangerous." Scaramouche quietly muttered.

"Right." Y/n giggled.

They walked the dimly lit streets as cars and people raced by them. Y/n and Scaramouche went to the stairs leading down to the train station. Y/n bought a ticket for themself and turned to Scaramouche who was waiting.

"I'll be alright by myself."

"You sure?" Scaramouche asked, he raised an eyebrow.

"Yep! Goodnight Scara, and get home safe." Y/n smiled warmly at Scara. The train got there just in time, they boarded the train.

"You too. Stay safe."

"See you tomorrow!" Y/n smiled and waved goodbye as the train doors closed.

The train left as Scaramouche stood there. "Stay safe, N/n." Scaramouche turned around and walked away.

it quickly dawned to the next morning, it went how everything usually went. Same days, same hours, same minutes, same seconds.

Scaramouche walked to the train station where Hu Tao and Y/n usually meet.

Scara sat at the nearest bench as they scrolled on his phone. 4 minutes quickly passed, but no sight of Y/n was to be seen.

"Where is Y/n..." Scara knew that Hu Tao wouldn't be there because she had stayed over the sleepover.

"Did they oversleep? They've never been late before. Unless they're feeling unwell." Scaramouche dialed Y/n's phone number and stood up from the bench, impatiently tapping his foot.

The train station radio went blaring.

"Breaking news, last night at 8:53 pm, a high schooler named L/n Y/n was murdered at Tevyat cityscape. Their body was found at 9:02 pm, murderer is unknown and stab wounds are fatal. Relating to the case of-"

"What?"

Scaramouche could've swore he dropped his phone.

@xyouami 10/21/23 3:35 pm

[cupcakeinat0r]

A couple of yall asked for the booty routine so here u go, shawty <3

Ik this looks like a lot, but trust, bae, it’s important. I felt like if ima talk abt my routine, might as well talk a lil bit abt food too since both work as a team.

[First, let me say that I am by no means a professional. This is something I've learned and acquired through self-research, as well as having two siblings, one who is a bodybuilder and the other who is a personal trainer. Also, the gym is a safe n fun space for everyone:) Work out because you want to, not bc you think you need to look a certain way <3]

Here's my Split: I added my upper body days as well in case yall wanted to kno <3

Monday: Glutes + quads

Tuesday: Back + Biceps

Wednesday: Glutes + Hamstrings

Thursday: Chest + Tricep

Friday: Full Body

Saturday + Sunday: Active rest!!! (Could be running, walking, bicycling, etc., whatever is fun to do! My personal fav is the stair master for an hr or Running for 3 miles, but you do whatever you can. Listen to your body.)

In addition, I do cardio after each sesh on the weekdays. For me, that's running for like 2 miles or so, depends how I'm feeling, but you do whatever cardio you'd like! A good start could simply be inclined walking!

Also, pls pls pls remember rest days are VITALLL. If u want to grow that booty (which is something the couple of you specifically mentioned), those rest days are important bc this is the period when those muscles are actually repairing themselves from the workout, resulting in growth!!! A huge misconception is that “the muscles grow during the workout”… no. Ur actually tearin up those puppies, so that’s what rest days r for! Both rest + protein contribute to ur muscle repair + growth (I’ll talk abt protein intake later). Naturally, I like to rest Sat n Sun, but it could be any 2-3 days of the week. Sometimes, I be usin that Fri full-body sesh as a rest day too so liiiike... if u need to, please do (especially during periods uuuuugh).

As for specific Workouts, I'll list em here. These r for the booty ;)

Hip thrusts, booty + hamstrings

Romanian dead lift, booty + hammies

Goblet Squat, quad destroyer

Hip abductions, booty burner, omfg

Leg press, depends on footing. Higher on platform works hammies n booty, lower works quads.

Weighted Squats, the whole damn leg.

Body weight squats OR lunges (good for warm-ups)

Leg curl, hammies

Leg extension, quads

Bulgarian split squat, booty n whole leg

I do 4 sets of 12 <3

(ALMOST FORGOT, I TARGET FOR 5-6 DIFF EXERCISE FOR EACH WORKOUT)

Nutrition plays a huuuge part as well, but I'll only talk very lil abt it since ion know yall's specific needs<3

Generally, if u want growth, just take ur current weight and put that in grams, for example = 170 lbs. -> 170 g of protein each day. Now, taking in the amount of protein u need can be hard at first, so just for the beginning, just try to at least get close to it then work ur way up. Foods high in protein that I like are Greek Yogurt, Chicken, Lean Ground Beef, Salmon, and snackies such as protein bars (avocado is like the holy grail for a phat booty just sayin. It's not protein, but it's the healthiest source of fat there is!). As for other groups (fat n carbs) don’t be so strict, bae… just use your portions. No need to restrict urself from ANY food bc no food is “bad”. I can talk allllll day abt this one but ima just shut up for now lmao.

PHEW, honestly, don't mention the gym around me cuz I will not shut up. Ima gym rat at heart so like I could literally keep writing abt this but bc literally, like, 3 ppl asked for this, Ima just wrap up here <3

Hope this was a lil bit of help @gltzpzy @mybvalentine @icenbroo <33333333

P.s. would it be cringe if I said I sometimes use Miguel as motivation??? Like he’s watchin me or som??? Bye, I hate that I do that, I’m like actually mentally unwell bc of that stupid mass of pixels Sony created ☠️

[kiraswritten]

Pyro x Reader (Smut)

pairing: pyro x reader warning: smut (not full blown but it gets pretty steamy), excessive swearing bc i love to swear, and excessive use of parentheses word count: 2k+

authors note: ya if you've read Just Maybe, this is legit word for word but it was originally written for Pyro. wrote this ages ago on another blog and i’m just trying to consolidate everything on here! :)

You’re not the type of person that wants to be in a relationship; not you cause you’re still young and why would you want to be with one person for the rest of your life so early on?

You were the type of person that liked to have a certain sense of freedom and no way was a committed relationship a thing you desired, which is why your relationship with Pyro is perfect.

He felt the same way; he too didn’t want the commitment and the hassle of feelings; those things were messy and a lot of things in Pyro’s life was already fucked up.

There you were, on his bed, straddling him only in your bra and panties (He took those off long ago), as he nipped and sucked on your neck, wonderful sounds of pleasure leaving your lips. It was a typical Thursday for the both of you; after training the two of you would take a quick shower (sometimes together) and end up in Pyro’s bed, usually naked.

“You smell like Apples,” he mumbled against your skin, dragging his teeth along the crook of your neck.

“New body wash, you like?” You teased, grinding your wet heat against his crotch.

“Tease, you know I do.” He said, biting and sucking on your neck until he left a bruise.

“You ass I can’t cover that!” You hissed, glaring at him.

Pyro rolled his eyes, “Everyone already knows we fuck; you’re acting like such a priss.” His hands trail down to your waist, slowly pushing off your lace panties.

“As much as I love these on you, they need to come off.” He grinned.

You lift your ass up (earning a groan from Pyro, he loved watching you getting naked), letting him pull off the thin article of clothing from your body, then chucking it off somewhere in the far corner of his room.

You sit back down on him, a sly grin on your face as he looks up and down your body.

You bring your lips to his ear, “Consider yourself lucky cos a pretty girl is sitting on your lap like this,” you bite at the shell of his ear, “I wonder who you saved in your past life to be this lucky.”

Pyro closed his eyes, gripping your waist tightly, he grinds his crotch on you, a moan leaving your lips. “Yeah Baby, I’m lucky as hell. You dripping wet and ready for me, I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

You loved how the two of you can’t seem to get your hands off of each other; no matter how many times the two of you go at it, the intensity and hunger for each other grows each time.

Pyro latches his mouth onto your nipple, earning another moan from you, he flicks and gropes the other one with his hand as you hold onto him. He leaves love bites all over your chest, proud of his work.

“Pyro I can’t wear my tank tops ‘cause of you,” you whine but enjoy the pleasure he’s giving you.

“Just wear them, it’ll be hot.” He says into your skin. “Like me.”

He flips you over, your back on his bed, he trails kisses down to your hip bone, grazing his teeth, then trailing kisses down to your thighs. You close your eyes, gripping at the sheets, “Oh fuck you’re so wet babe,” he says, he licks a trail at your entrance, making you squirm under his touch. “Fuck John, if you don’t fuck me this instant I swear I’m gonna kick your ass!” You yell out, impatient at how he’s playing you.

His eyebrow twitches; he hated it when people called him John but with you it turns him on knowing that you only did that when you were sexually frustrated by him.

“All you had to do was ask,” he sneered, sticking a finger into your wet cunt.

“Fuck,” you gasp out, your back arching off of the bed.

“I need you, please,” you gasp out, “I can’t with foreplay right now, I want you inside me,” Pyro quickly discards his boxers, kicking them off to the floor. He makes his way to you, hovering over your naked body, his eyes glazed over with lust.

He parts your legs with his knees, you bite down on your bottom lip in anticipation, he always liked making you squirm under him. His eyes look down on you, his arm near your head, propping him up while his other hand is wrapped around his cock, giving it a few pumps before lining it against your entrance.

“You want me Babe?” He has his shit-eating grin plastered on his face; you knew how you looked under him; you knew how red your cheeks were, lips swollen, eyelids half-lidded, chest heaving; he had you right when he wanted you. “Please-” “Please what?” He rubs his tip against your wet folds, teasing you.

You knew he wanted you to beg for his cock, he wanted to hear you moan and whimper just for him. “I’m not begging, just be a good boy for me and give me what I want.” You whine, lifting your hips for any type of friction.

He lets go of his cock, his hand grabbing your hip, pushing your down. “Boy? What did you just call me?” His eyes grew dark, the pressure of his hold on your hip grew tighter, “Oh honey, I am not a boy,” He growls, slipping himself inside you with one forceful thrust. “Oh fuck,” you cry out, arching your back off of the bed.

“Yesyesyesyes!” you sigh out, Pyro grins at your reaction, quickening his thrusts. He shifts his weight and uses his elbow to hold himself up, both of your pelvises pressed against each other. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into a kiss; all tongue and teeth clashing, you needed to taste him.

It ends with him rolling off of you, lying down next to you as the two of you catch your breaths, his fingers slowly interlocks with yours. You think nothing of it but you can’t deny it quickens your heartbeat when he does.

He’s only done this recently. You don’t ask him why he does it and he doesn’t tell you why either. The two of you lie in silence (sans the heavy breathing) till you’re reasonably calm.

You begin to get up from the bed, wanting to go to the restroom because you needed to go (no uti’s for you). His grip on your hand pulls you back slightly, causing you to look at him. “Come back after?” he asks, his usual icy grey eyes soften at you.

You nod your head as you let go of his hand, quickly grabbing his shirt and boxers from the floor; ignoring the burning sensation in your thighs. You quickly dress in his clothing, scurrying to the bathroom. You finish your business and walk back into his room; he’s half dressed, barely, only in boxers as he fixes the pillows back to their original positions.

He’s changed the bed sheets; the old one stuffed into his hamper. You close the door and jump into his bed, loving the softness of his new blanket.

He lies next to you, his arm wrapping around your waist. You turn your body towards him, resting your head on his chest; this is normal, nothing’s changed. Can my heart stop beating so fucking fast?!

You’ve been lying to yourself for a while now; you’re terrified of commitment yet this is the longest relationship you’ve had with someone. You didn’t want feelings to mess up the thing you had with Pyro, it was good, you were happy.

The plan was foolproof; the two of you would stay best of friends, no feelings attached when the two of you fucked; just sexual frustrations poured over one (sometimes yours, so two) bed(s), no strings attached. Your relationship in bed is strictly in bed and your relationship as friends were out of the room.

But your heart decided to join the party and made you confused.

You caught yourself more times than you’d like to admit, daydreaming of going on dates with Pyro, hell, even holding his hand in public and it scared you. This was supposed to be fun and mess free and you suddenly find yourself tangled in your own emotions.

It didn’t help that when the two of you were in public, he’d hold you by your waist as if it were natural, or you’d be sitting on his lap during break, it’s like he needed to be touching you when the two of you weren’t grabbing each other in bed. It only occurred to you how much you needed to feel his presence recently and that scared you.

You didn’t want this; you didn’t want feelings, but here you are, in bed with the guy that you might have (maybe) feelings for. “Py,” you say, breaking the silence, he loved it when you called him the shitty nickname you gave him but he’d never admit that to your face.

“Yeah?” He asked, his eyes still glued to the ceiling.

“I think we should stop this whole thing,” You feel your cheeks heat up, cause i’m pretty sure i’m in fucking love with you and i don’t want to be. “Huh?” He says, surprised, he sits himself up on the headboard, his arm still wrapped around your waist.

You look up at him, meeting his gaze, his eyes a darker shade of grey.

“The whole ‘this’ I-I think we should stop.” You watch his reaction to your words, he furrows his brows in confusion, “Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” He asks and you immediately feel shitty,

“No, no! It’s not that, nothing like that. You-uh, you’re great-amazing even!” Oh fucking god I shouldn’t have said shit. “I just, I think we should just stop with that now, I mean- don’t you wanna do it with someone else?” You cringe at your words, you wanted to kick yourself in the ass for saying those words cause you don’t mean them at all.

“Do you?” He asks, his throat feeling tight, “Did you find someone else you wanted to fuck?” The last word cut into you, making you bite down on your lip.

“No, that’s not the point-Jesus- Pyro no, fuck, just forget it, forget it.” You turn your body away from his, closing your eyes. He slinks back down on the bed, this time pulling you closer, your back against his chest.

“Talk to me,” he says quietly, his voice void of any emotion.

Something inside you snaps and all you want to do is tell him everything; tell him that you’ve (probably) fallen for him and it eats at you. You broke the rule and all you wanted to do was run away.

You don’t reply and he doesn’t push any further; he was lost in his own thoughts, wondering if he did anything wrong.

Did she find out? He curses himself silently, am i that fucking obvious? He wonders if you noticed how needy he’s grown to have you near him, he wonders if you’ve noticed how he looks at you when you’re doing homework or cleaning, or doing absolutely fucking nothing, he wonders if you know that he’s head-over-heels for you and he wants to kick himself in the ass cause he broke the rule.

He was lying to himself the day the two of you decided this whole ordeal. He was being selfish and he wanted you for himself.

You didn’t want to feel this way; you didn’t want to ruin whatever it was that you had.

“Feelings ruin shit.” you mumble, loud enough for Pyro to hear.

“I think I fucking love you okay and- okay I lied, I don’t think I do, I probably do-like there’s a good chance I do and I’m sorry I broke the rule, god why am I still talking-” You were cut off by Pyro pulling you into his chest, hugging you tight.

“I love you too, fuck you scared me. I thought you didn’t want me around anymore.” He says, unable to control the smile that spread across his face.

You look at him, blinking the tears from your eyes (you didn’t even realise you were crying), he lets out a chuckle, wiping the tears from your face, “You baby,” He teases, and you swat his arm, and he laughs this time, hugging you tighter.

You melt into his touch, he presses a soft kiss on your forehead and your heart bursts cause this was one of the scenarios you’ve thought of and it’s so much better than you imagined, “I swear to god if you tell anyone this I’m gonna set you on fire,” and the magic is ruined. “That’s the Pyro I know, ruining moments like this.”

[minheelovelee]

i CANNOT stop thinking about a threesome with jihoon and junkyu like i feel junkyu would be gentle, praising you meanwhile jihoon would be rough, degrading you and like.. yeah 🧍‍♀️ maybe.. a lil’ drabble 😅 ?

also could i be ‘🪷’ anon ?

Course you can! I don't know what this emoji is bc i'm on desktop, but ill look when i'm on my phone :)🪷

OK lillypad emoji that’s awesome.

ANYWAY. Yes! Jikyu. I like this combo a lot bc they can both be so mean or so sweet. I think they would play a game of good cop bad cop. Jihoon is realllly mean and makes sure your body remembers this for the rest of the week. Junkyu gets to love up on you and tell you sweet things. They both get what they want. Everyone wins.

Being in a close-knit trio with them would lead to a threesome easily. Jihoon doesn’t fuck ever, and kyu is a little hyper sexual on the first Thursday of every month. So rare for him to get that horny.

Ji complains about how he gets nothing and kyu says the same. But your just the sweetest little thing and ur like “hey why don’t I help u guys. I give head.” All you have to say is the word “head” and Junkyu is seated. He’s tryna fuck fr. Jihoon is a little wearier. He’ll test you with questions before he even thinks about getting hard. When you calm his nerves and tell him it’s alright, hes soooo down.

They would LOVE to Eiffel Tower you. Kyu takes ur mouth of course. He would never say no to neck. And jihoon takes ur pussy. He lovesss making sure you feel good, even if he acts like he doesn’t.

Junkyu is probably fucked out the second you lay your tongue on him. He lets some real nice words slip off his tongue when you’re sucking him off.

“Oh fuck, babydoll. Never had a tighter fuckin mouth than this.”

“Doin’ so damn good. Gotta get this from ya all the time now.”

“I’m so, so close. Let me cum in your mouth. Wanna see you swallow all of it for me, darling.”

When they’ve had their fill of your holes, hoon would grab kyu by the hair and have him eat you out. He’s real good at eating pussy so he doesn’t mind at all. Jihoon on the other hand would take to your ears, whispering nasty things.

“You’re such a little whore. You let me fuck that hole now you’re letting junkyu have his go? It’s never enough for you, princess.”

“He’s such a naughty boy, isn’t he? Couldn’t care less if you came or not. That’s why I’m here, baby. Someone’s gotta take care of you.”

“Cute little sounds getting me hard again, baby. Gimmie that hand, show me a little love, too.”

EEEEEKKK.

[bcacstuff]

Hi BC, don't know if you realize this but the woman who started the Ocean charity MPC sponsors is based in FLA and lives on the west side, I think near Sarasota. She is also a Gator fan and he posted with Gator logo this week. Not saying romantic as many will try to sugest just connection. When it was posted by the Florida fan last week that he might be there, I thought hrs going to do his ocean adventure MPC was promoting during his vacation. ? Also, it looks as you have in at a hotel in Miami on Tues, but the sun (set or rise) story was posted when the sun was setting 4 to 5 pm Thursday on the West side of Florida. So something to chew on. Cheers! Thanks for the updates.

When we learned he landed in Miami, I took the option of the Ocean cleaning charity into account as well. I know there was some talk to organize a day for the MPC members, like the tree planting last year. Just not now in one place as it looks like there's not going to be a gala this year, but more virtual and online. But so far I haven't seen anything that points in this direction. I think he just took a week or a bit more to be on his own, do his own and enjoy the free time getting some rest and if he posts about his trip the way he did, tells me he was just on his own doing what he likes to do.

I am not sure what you mean with the sunset pic, if you meant the one of MPC, that is just MPC promo, not his pic. He only reposts them. So hasn't got anything to do with where he is or what he is doing imo. And for the Gator logo? He didn't post anything but reposts of MPC and his booze.

And for the beer... 🙄 Gosh... I didn't had any clue and I bet he didn't either. I don't think it's a political statement. He's just having a beer while on his trip. He did sort of the same pic 2 years ago showing a Kona beer?

I'm glad I'm living in a country where a beer is just a beer and nobody is gonna have a terrible homophobic dispute over who is promoting it. 🌈

And no, I'm not the one that looks for all kind of hidden messages, receipts or whatever in pics. A beer is a beer, though it might have been a lot less troublesome to just make sure and leave it out of the pic. Oh and if you wait for a 'drinking and driving' comment from me. Hm.. drinking one or 2 beers (low alcohol percentage) isn't that big a deal for me. It's most likely not crossing the limits. It's not wise, to drink and drive for sure, and I get worse vibes seeing him on a bike with a bottle of his booze (high alcohol percentage). Anyway, all I see is a guy hanging out, enjoying time on his own and doing some sightseeing. Nothing there to get upset about 🤷‍♀️

[bingbongsupremacy]

The Letter Pt. 3

Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem! reader

Warnings: She/Her pronouns used

Summary: Ellie and Y/N are in two very different social groups at school. One day when Y/N's crush is cruelly exposed in front of the whole school, Y/N is brutally shot down. Finally, five years later the two run into each other again.

High School AU

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

*Not Proof Read*

A/N: Day one is bad. I didn't know what to do for the first day. I just wanted it to look awkward af bc it's supposed to be super awkward and tense between Ellie and reader. Guys idk how good this is. I feel like I had an idea but idk if I executed it very well. I kinda just ran out ideas for this story. Lmk what you think. Also sorry for not updating yesterday. I just started a new job and shit's wack. I feel like whenever I go to work my body insecurities get worse, ya know? Idk why. Maybe it's the uniform or whatever but I just feel shitty whenever I show up. Anyways, ya'll aren't here for my life story so here's what you came for.

Also I changed it to only three days bc I couldn't think of enough things for them to do.

*****

Day One

Trixie's. Must be a new business.

I don't remember it being here before.

A cool breeze brushes past me as soon as I walk in. The first thing I notice is the large bar in the back of the room. What I'd give for a fucking beer right now...

We sit towards the back of the building. A waitress is quick to bring us some bright red menu's. " I'll be right with you two in a moment. " She smiles before rushing off.

Ellie and I are silent as we scan over the menu's. I don't think either of us knows exactly what to say. I mean, what the hell are you supposed to someone who caused you so much pain?

Just one hour.

Ellie sets down her menu. " Hey so, there's a fair coming through town this week. Do you maybe want to go on Thursday? " She asks cautiously.

I glance up at her. Bad mistake.

Fuck she's hot.

" Um, " Fuck I don't know. Do I want to go? Fuck. " Sure. " I shrug, setting aside my menu. " I mean we've got to do something Thursday anyways, why not? "

The rest of the evening seems to drag on. Small talk is quickly overcome with awkward silence.

How the fuck am I going to do this for 6 more days?

_____

Day 2

Here we go again.

I pull into the movie theater parking lot. People flow in and out of the building, smiles adorning their faces.

I spot Ellie waiting by the entrance, cigarette in hand. " Hey. " I greet with a tight smile.

" Oh hi! " Ellie smiles, snuffing out the bud. " Ya ready? " She asks.

" Yup. " I mumble. In an ideal world both of us will end up disagreeing on a movie to watch and end up splitting up to watch our own show. I doubt it'll happen, but a girl can dream.

" What should we watch? " Ellie asks while looking through the movies. " Oh shit, the Savage Starlight movie came out. " She mutters, her eyes lighting up slightly.

" Wait really? " I glance over her shoulder to look. " I thought it was coming out next month. "

Ellie nods. " Me too. Should we watch it? "

" Sure. "

At least something good will come out of this.

" That fucking sucked. " Ellie blurts as we walk out of the building. " Whoever made that needs to fucking read the comics. "

" Oh my god, I thought I was the only one. " I sigh. " They completely ruined the plot. "

Ellie nods in agreement. " And Daniela Star...fuck what the hell did they do to her costume? "

I chuckle. " They sexified it. Like bro, just let a girl live without having to show her tits. " I roll my eyes.

" Yeah. "

There's a moment of comfortable silence. No tension. No anger. Just two people bonding over a comic series. For a moment I almost things feel okay.

" I don't know about you, but I'm fucking hungry. Do you wanna grab something to eat? " Ellie asks.

" You read my mind. " I nod, pushing myself off of the wall. " Where are we going? "

Ellie and I walk down the street to a small pizza joint.

" I'll have the cheese pizza, please. " I say after examining the menu.

" Alright, your total is $4.50. "

" I got it. " Ellie pulls out her wallet before I can speak. She hands over a five dollar bill. " Keep the change. "

" Ellie. " I shake my head. " You've paid for everything so far. I can't let you do this. " I try to hand her another five.

Ellie backs up shaking her head. " No. I told you I was gonna make what I did up to you. This is the least I can do. "

We quickly grab our food and head outside.

" This shit is the best. " Ellie mutters between bites. " I don't know why I haven't been here in so long. I used to love this place as a kid. "

" Marco slips something in his dough, I swear. " I agree. " I haven't found another place with pizza this good. "

The sound of crickets fills the air. A small click captures my attention.

" That shit's gonna kill you. "

Ellie shrugs, lighting up the end of her cigarette. " At least I'll die happy. "

I roll my eyes. " You'll die hacking up blood. "

Ellie's nose crinkles slightly. " Thanks for the visualization, dad. " She mocks slightly. " I only smoke when I'm nervous or stressed. "

I purse my lips. " Ellie Williams, are you nervous right now? "

Ellie doesn't respond. Instead she takes a deep breath.

" What happened to you, Ellie. " I ask genuinely curious. " You used to be... "

" Perfect? "

" I was gonna say an asshole. "

Ellie chuckles. " I grew a fucking spine. I ended up cutting majority of my friends off and dropping out of college. Now I sell weed and work at a supermarket. " She says nonchalantly.

" Definitely a big character change. "

Ellie grins. " Speaking of weed. " She pulls out a blunt. " You ever try one? "

" Of course. "

Maybe tonight won't be so bad.

-----

Day 3 (Thursday)

" I will win that stupid bear if it's the last thing I do. " Ellie huffs in frustration. Her face hardens in concentration as she tosses another dart at the dart board.

" You really don't need to, Ellie. " I grin at her 20th attempt.

Ellie doesn't respond. A small alarm goes off as Ellie finally makes the final dart into the center of the board. " Fuck yeah, baby! " She cheers. " Told you I'd do it, Y/N. "

I roll my eyes. " Yeah yeah. "

Ellie accepts the large stuffed bear from a game operator who's obviously very annoyed with us. Yeah, we've been here a bit.

" Here, this is yours. " Ellie hands me the large brown bear.

" Are you sure? You spent like 40 bucks trying to win this thing. "

Ellie takes a sip of her beer. " It was worth the smile on your face. Keep it. "

The past couple of days have been...unexpected. I came into this fully expecting to hate Ellie when I leave.

Now I'm not so sure.

We make our way to our last ride of the night; The Ferris Wheel.

" God, Jackson looks beautiful up here. " I sigh while peering down at the bright lights.

Ellie hums in agreement. " It's a nice breather from the world. I feel like I can just...be. "

" It definitely is. " I glance over at Ellie.

She looks back at me. Her smile slightly falters. " I guess this is it. "

It's the third day.

Have I forgiven her? I'm not sure. On one hand, I don't feel like she's the same person. On the other hand, how can I be sure. I mean, I haven't been here in five years. She could be lying for all I know.

" I'm not sure about you, Ellie. I don't think three days is enough time to fix what happened. "

Ellie nods, gaze dropping to her lap.

" But I'd like to get to know you. "

She head snaps up. Confusion flashes across her expressions. She obviously wasn't expecting me to want to talk to her after this.

" Maybe I can...stay a little longer. "

A grin spreads across Ellie's features. " I'd like that. "

" Well then. To new beginnings. "

" To new beginnings. "

I don't really like this last chap. I might remake it if I can come up with some ideas for it. Hopefully some of you guys still enjoyed it.

Tag list (Sorry if I missed you): @octavias-next-meat-bite @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @3lliesrifle @mokeysthings @mqddieas @elliesinterlude @ashlqyy @villainousbear

[skunkes]

You probably get this asked a lot but do you have any particular things you keep in mind when writing in your journal? I started recently and it's been great but I find that Only recapping my day gets to be a bit tedious (esp when I don't go outside much lol) so I was curious what you do to keep motivated with it ! Ur sticker layouts are always so cutes btw I'm very inspired by them ^_^💖

Yeah! I mainly journal for Memory Keeping as i have a weird obsession with wanting to keep track of anything/everything, so i just think of what future cheye would want to know, instead of just recapping day.

Makes me really sad bc in college all i had energy to write was like "ate x went to class went to mailroom went to class 2 had x for dinner 1 am now goodnight" and its like. What about. The whole rest of it!! What did u do who did you talk to when was it that you saw a raccoon irl for the first time!!! Were you stressing over assignments?? Which and why!!! I have 0 tangible, meaningful, memories of what happened now. Just sterile clinical ones. :(

I do track things consistently like my rating for the day, the time i woke up and the time i go to bed, what i ate, if i cried, along wit other personal stats (i like the numbers!). Sometimes I also dont Do anything in a day so i just focus on other things, like taking the opportunity to write about feelings a little bit, so future cheye Knows the state of mind i was in on a given day, or maybe talk about how I bought something and am excited to wear/use it

Not much happened today so I wrote about and included how my dad described the plot of to, and showed me, some scenes of The Untouchables 1987 today because a song always reminds him of that movie...

yesterday I wrote about how my sister and I are planning on trying some pillsbury cocoa rolls on thursday, since we couldn't today, and that I am Excited.

I don't know, its small things that I feel I'd appreciate in the future even if they seem silly or pointless right now...(and also good for keeping track of personal growth, as Im hoping I at one point get to pinpoint where my complaints about Not Wanting to Drive fade away from the entries. Ykwim?)

ITS KIND OF LIKE THAT ONE POST ON HERE...like "if you see this tag one delight from your day no matter how small". You ""force"" yourself to come up with something to pad the entry with, and I think it's small things like that that will be really telling of your time here, in the future ^_^ time capsule of the old you

like. Did you see something insanely funny? Did your best friend say something weird... Did the internet platforms you browse all rally over a war criminal dying... Is it still rainy and chilly like it was yesterday? Are you excited for your birthday even if its many months away... What series did you start rewatching? Did u get scared by a shadow while walking your dog...idk! Anything, everything

[bluedalahorse]

So is now the time to post the opening of my unfinished YR abortion road trip fic?

Maybe. Maybe today is the day! This isn’t on AO3 because I haven’t finished it, but @heliza24 really wants me to finish it and would be glad that I posted even this part to fandom.

There’s more written than just this excerpt, so I could always post more if people are curious.

No title yet, because this is untitled.

Summary: Shortly after season 2, Felice wanders off campus to process a high-profile arrest and other recent shakeups at Hillerska. She doesn’t expect to meet Sara Eriksson, who is in the process of running away.

—

Felice’s Phone

Group chat: MANOR HOUSE GIRLZ (Fredrika, Maddie, Stella)

Maddie: yooooo Felice

Maddie: tell us you missed Swedish class for something epic

Stella: we took notes for you

Stella: mine are better than Fredrika’s

Fredrika: LIES mine are better than Stella’s

Maddie: you’re not in your room

Maddie: girl are you even at school?

Fredrika: just tell us where you are and we won’t snitch

Stella: Felice?

Stella: please check in

Stella: and maybe flirt with one of the local boys so he buys you booze

Fredrika: and then share?

Maddie: don’t listen to them

Maddie: only flirt with someone hot

Stella: yeah he’s got to be at least as hot as Fredrika

Stella: lol j/k ahahaha what

Fredrika: heeeyyyyyyy Feliiiiiice where are youuuuu

Fredrika: we’re a little worried, just let us know

Fredrika: tho at least you didn’t get sick and disappear into the bathroom like SOMEONE we could mention

Stella: but we’re not mentioning her

Stella: bc we don’t mention traitors

—

Felice sits at the edge of a convenience store parking lot in Bjärstad, counting all the scars in her nail polish. It’s supposed to be a fresh coat. Stella brushed the ballet slipper pink onto Felice’s nails on Tuesday, and right now it’s only—Thursday afternoon? Felice is drunk on leftover vodka she stashed in her closet behind her Prada handbag, but not so drunk she’s forgotten that it’s Thursday. A Thursday full of literal dark clouds, at that. 

Tuesday was sunny, and it was also the day that police arrived at Hillerska and escorted that guy away. That one, the ex. Wednesday, Felice’s ex-best friend, her real ex in any kind of emotional attachment sense, came back to school for half a day, but couldn’t make it past lunch. Now people are spreading rumors about Sara Eriksson puking in the bathroom. So maybe it’s been a weird enough forty-eight hours that Felice hasn’t noticed herself scarring up her nail polish.

And maybe, now that today is Thursday, Felice needed to skip classes and get drunk and go for a walk off campus, and buy a bag of chips from a nothing convenience store in this nowhere town. There are things getting drunk won’t solve. But it’s not like being sober is going to solve things for Felice right now, either.

Felice’s phone vibrates against her thigh. She pulls it out of the pocket of her sweatpants and notes the texts from Fredrika and Stella and Maddie in her (recently purged) group chat. They’re asking her where she is, and is she coming to dinner. Please check in, fuck. How performatively worried. Felice unlocks her phone and almost fumbles her way through a typo-soaked message before deciding she’ll do this psychically. I am walking back to Hillerska now, she thinks in the general direction of school, slow and deliberate. She leaves the rest up to Maddie’s alleged witch powers and pulls herself to her feet.

Felice’s ankles ache the way they do when she’s walked on her Jimmy Choo heels for too long. She’s not wearing heels, though, only slides. Her legs wobble. Her thoughts swirl in slow, doomed circles, like dirty water circling a drain, as thunder rumbles overhead and a cool breeze rustles nearby trees. The rain is imminent, and Felice contemplates how much worse it will be when she shows back up on campus not only drunk, but drunk and completely soaked through, her carefully styled curls a wreck.

(Stella, Fredrika, and Maddie could get away with a stunt like that. A teacher might ignore their obvious alcohol breath and just tell them to put on dry pajamas and go to bed. But for Felice, they notice everything. Because Felice sticks out to begin with.)

Felice is caught in a vision of the headmistress, hissing the word inebriated on a phone call to parents, when a van pulls into the parking lot. She’s not as up on cars as the Forest Ridge boys, but this van definitely belongs to a Bjärstad local. She braces herself for an awful catcall as the window rolls down halfway, certain she’s about to get leered at by some guy in a permanently affixed football beanie.

Instead, it’s a girl. No football beanie, only football confidence. Felice recognizes the girl from Simon’s instagram—she’s come up a few times. Felice hasn’t been counting, but she’s noticed.

“You’re in choir with Simon,” says the girl. “Felice, right? I’m Rosh. Need a ride back to school?”

“I can walk. I think,” Felice says. And then, so she can own her story, she adds, “I might be a little drunk?”

Felice adjusts her posture, straightening her spine and setting her hand on her hip as she makes eye contact with Rosh. Immediately a sense of embarrassment twinges in her chest at her pose. What the—was she modeling? She’s not making a case for relative sobriety, whatever she’s doing.

Rosh turns to consult with someone next to her, then turns back to Felice.

“Come on,” she says. “Get in the car. Back seat.”

“Um. Thanks.”

The back door of the van slides open. Felice doesn’t have time to question who Rosh has next to her in the passenger seat. She receives an answer soon enough anyway. The back of Sara Eriksson’s head is so familiar—defeated brown waves that haven’t seen a wash day in too long. Sara’s shoulders are hunched over; her neck is bent. She does not turn around.

Two weeks ago, if Felice saw Sara looking like that, she would have pulled Sara close and rubbed her back until they talked through what was wrong.

(Part of her still wants to. But she doesn’t like the idea of Sara mentally comparing her hugs to someone else’s, and she’s allowed to be petty about that.)

“You don’t have to talk to me,” Sara says, tapping away on her phone. She sounds exhausted. “I’m busy anyway.”

“If you hydrate, we won’t ask about the drinking,” says Rosh to Felice. “There’s sports drink behind the passenger seat. Take one.”

Right. Sports drink. Because Rosh does sports, Felice has noticed. It sounds like an order more than an offer. Felice ducks down and liberates one of the bottles from its six-pack. The liquid inside is neon-bright and tastes of soft metal and fake citrus. Rain splatters on the van’s windows—the first sparse and irregular drops, followed by the entire pounding ensemble of water. For the next few minutes, Felice focuses on the horizon, where blurred trees meet the mirror-gray sky, and sips her post-football-run drink. Sara takes care of the directions to her old dorm, uttering an occasional “right” or “left” or “go straight here” to Rosh. Felice can’t tell why she’s doing it. Why she didn’t just insist on leaving Felice behind.

Then, the conversation shifts. Or at least, the conversation that Felice isn’t a part of shifts.

“Rosh?” Sara whispers. “I can’t find anywhere cheap enough for us to stay.”

“Even on the apps?” Rosh replies. “Look, I told you, I have some money—”

“I can’t take your money.”

“It’s money I owe Simon anyway.”

“That’s even worse. He already hates me. You should hate me more.” 

Sara breathes in, then out, audibly. She does it a few more times. Felice’s own lungs strain in sympathy.

“We have to find a place for the weekend,” says Sara. “Or we can’t do it.”

“What are you talking about?” Felice finally asks. She presses a hand to her thigh to keep her leg from jiggling. Since she was seven years old and started her first etiquette classes, she’s always been able to sit still. Always.

“We’re going on a weekend trip,” Rosh answers, too brightly. “To Stockholm—”

“—to an island,” Sara says at the same time.

“Stockholm has lots of islands,” Rosh improvises. “Sara just needs to be away for a weekend. That’s all.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re going on a normal trip,” says Felice, hearing the suspicion in her voice, and how it sounds like her father.

“We told Mamma we were traveling,” says Sara. “My period’s late. I don’t––I don’t think it’s coming. I know it isn’t coming, because—”

“Don’t tell me that.”

“—I did a pregnancy test.”

Felice digs her chipped nails into her knee. She knew how Sara’s sentence was going to end. Not the way she knows people’s names or the answers on a test she studied for, but the way she knows to pull her hand away when she touches a hot stove. Swift and unthinking. She even gasps the same way she does when she’s burned. Not out of surprise but out of pain.

“Fuck, Sara,” says Rosh. “You don’t have to tell her. She could tell the media.”

“Sorry,” says Sara. “It just came out. I’m scared, okay?” At last she turns around and looks toward Felice, her fingers curled around the back of the passenger seat. Her face is red and purple-tinged in all the places that indicate crying and sleepless nights. “Look, you can’t tell anyone. Rosh and I are going to deal with it. We already got the pills. I can’t deal with it at home because of Simon and Mamma. I don’t know what they’d say.”

“We wanted to use my apartment,” Rosh adds. “We thought my mother was going to visit one of my aunties this weekend. But auntie came to visit us instead at the last minute.”

“Please don’t tell anyone at school, Felice.” Sara turns away again. “Or Simon. Don’t tell him either.”

“People are already talking about how you threw up in the bathroom,” says Felice. “And if you’re absent from school again, they’re going to wonder.”

“Please don’t tell,” Sara repeats, voice muffled as she pushes her face into her coat sleeves.

As much as the infusion of electrolytes, courtesy of Rosh, has helped Felice to steady her head, she’s still too drunk for this. Or maybe, again, she isn’t drunk enough. She tries to imagine her math class tomorrow, working trigonometry problems with an empty chair beside her and actually knowing why the chair is empty. She can’t. Felice can’t even imagine faking sick and staying home from class, because then Stella and Fredrika would come visit her with buns and coffee, and then they’d want to gossip.

At first, being able to gossip felt good. But ever since the arrest—since the security from the palace arriving to keep out news cameras—gossip is more like gangrene eating at an already wounded limb. Felice needs amputation, or at least closure. Until then, she’s just going to keep asking herself questions about what part of the catastrophe she made happen. Why didn’t she ask Sara who she had a crush on, like best friends always do? Why hadn’t she been more concerned that Sara was gone all the time and came back late to their room? Why hadn’t she told Sara how bad things got with him last term, to warn her?

Felice doesn’t want to keep asking herself the questions, because this isn’t her fault. Maybe Sara isn’t the only one who needs an emergency abortion. Maybe Felice needs to abort Sara from her life, so she can move on.

But if she’s going to do this, she has to make it her choice.

“My family has a vacation cabin,” Felice says. “We can go there to do what you need to do. But after that, we will never speak to one another ever again. Alright?”

Sara’s shrunk down in her seat so much that Felice can’t see her anymore, but Felice is pretty sure from the rustling of her coat sleeves that she’s nodding.

Five minutes later, Felice is on the phone with her mother, feeding her excuses and exaggerations until she gets the approval to leave school for the weekend. At the same time, Rosh turns the van around and drives away from Hillerska.

[bobatelevision]

i had to put my sweet baby down yesterday...

on thursday morning he was fine, eating and drinking fine. nothing out of the ordinary. thursday night he seems to have trouble breathing, he had discharge around his eyes, and kept making these pained noises I've never heard him make before. he had no appetite and wasnt drinking water. i bought some critical care to try force feeding him but he wasnt accepting it at all and tried to give him a mix of pedialyte + water to get him fluids and he accepted some but not a lot. i thought he maybe had some upper respiratory infection and maybe needed antibiotics, so i started calling some veterinarians in my area.

it was really late at night too so i called around and had such a hard time finding a vet to treat him bc most of the animal hospitals either:

-serviced guinea pigs

-their exotic vet wasnt in that night

-serviced guinea pigs but was closed

i was scared to even go to sleep that night bc his conditioned looked so bad, i didnt think he would even make it to the morning. but he managed to survive the night, so i called around again and was able to find a vet about 40 min away that could take him. we enter the hospital and they immediately take him in and i was in the waiting room. the doc comes out to talk to me to explain what was happening.

he had a stone in his bladder that was blocking his urethra and he couldn't urinate. bladder stones can be very life threatening bc if an animal cant pee, it can develop an infection (sepsis) and even get a heart attack. when she examined him, everytime she palpated his bladder he would be in pain, so they gave him a pain injection. they lead me into a room to explain what his treatment would consist of, and i was fucking shocked.

nearly $5k for his surgery and treatment, i couldn't fucking believe it. the worst part is there really was no plan b on his treatment that wasn't euthanasia. i felt so fucking sick, but i had to think on it more. i thought about maybe calling other animal hospitals but i already had a lot of trouble trying to find anyone to treat him at all, and even if there was a miracle situation where i could afford his treatment, it would not guarantee that he wouldnt fall ill again. on top of the fact that guinea pigs are really fragile creatures and dont have very long life spans. the procedure is incredibly invasive and could put so much stress on his little body. i didnt want him to be in more pain than he really was.

so i made the tough decision on putting him down, because i didn't want him to suffer any longer. i'm so heartbroken bc although i knew we would part ways one day, i didnt imagine it would be so soon. we spent past 3 years together, i adopted him mid pandemic bc being stuck in a different country from the rest of my family is incredibly isolating. i gave him so much love and spoiled him so much. he ate veggies & hay to his hearts content, would start cui-cuing at the sound of a bag being opened, he got to sleep in the largest and comfiest pet beds. he used to sleep on my nap while i gamed or watched shows. he was very skittish with people, except for me bc he knew i would give him the world. i'm feeling so defeated rn. i stayed with him til the very last moment, he was very sedated but soo cuddly in the last hour. the only thing to bring me peace of mind is knowing he was relaxed and in no pain in his final moments.

he doesn't know the amount of people that love him around the world, even as far as Australia. he had an impact on many people. all my irls and my online friends absolutely adored him. even my mom, who is deathly afraid of rodents, thought he was so cute and precious bc of how fluffy he is. his departure left a huge hole in my heart. when i got back home, i bursted into tears looking at his empty enclosure. im so used to him jumping around and getting quirked up when he hears me enter my room. i just cant believe i'll never get to see him, or hold him, or even feed him again.

Rest in Peace, my beloved Taro.

I love you so dearly, you may very little but you had a very huge heart.. and appetite. You will always be missed and I hope you are enjoying large quantities of lettuce in cui cui heaven.

[shion-yu]

Gave myself almost-pneumonia and my couch looks like a damn stock photo.

Since the whole time I’ve been like, “Am I living one of my shitty fanfictions? Coz this sucks.” Let me tell y’all a story.

Cold weather sucks as a severe asthmatic. I moved to the South so I didn’t have to deal with the frigid winters of upstate NY. I’m basically on and off sick until Spring comes (and then there’s allergy season but I digress). I think it’s helped some, but my lungs are just fucked up ok?

Anyways I went to a concert last Saturday and it was freezing. Then I went to the zoo on Sunday with a friend and it was also cold and swarming with kids who don’t know how to cover their mouths when they cough. It was a great weekend but by Tuesday I was sick - great. I had some warning bc my friend I went to the zoo with said they got sick yesterday. But it just seemed like a minor cold and I’ve been through this a million times, I truly did not think it was gonna get too much worse. My asthma was mostly under control and I rested a lot all week.

Thursday I’m more tired, but I start nebulizer treatments and even skip ice skating class and reschedule it for Saturday bc hey, I’m responsible. But Friday I start to feel worse. Like to the point where everybody at work is like wtf go home and one of them told me she’s gonna get me holy water. But it’s okay, it’s still been SO much worse and I’m really fine.

Saturday morning I wake up and I feel like I’m cured. So I go to ice skating class. And maybe I take a little walk in the rain. Bad fuckin idea. By the end of the day I’m having full blown asthma attacks one after the other and sweating like crazy. My abdomen is aching from coughing so much that it hurts to sit up. But I really don’t want to go to the ER. Not again. So I message my pulmonologist and hope I can just say never mind I’m good now by the time he answers on Monday.

That brings us to today, Sunday. I woke up at 6am after only 4 hours of sleep because I can’t stop choking. I’m sneezing and coughing up fluorescent green stuff, my throat tastes like blood and I have a fever. I really, really didn’t want to go to the doctor but it’s time. I drag my sorry ass to urgent care where the entire hour I sit in waiting, everybody who walks by gives me a ‘goddamn’ look because I’m coughing loud enough to alert the entire damn office. I’m so embarrassed bc what if they think I’m being dramatic and wasting time - again? I awkwardly explain my situation and the doctor sends me for CXR. When it comes back he says “Well, you don’t have pneumonia yet but see alllll this stuff here? That’s inflammation. I’m gonna prescribe antibiotics and (way heavier) steroids and you might have bronchitis already but your asthma is so bad that it’s indistinguishable by now. Also with your lungs you probably won’t be able to tell you have pneumonia until it’s pretty bad.”

So anyways, that’s my week. At least I got a lot of writing done for Whumptober - didn’t have to dig very deep to find enough misery to go around to all my fav OCs lol.

[billdecker]

So it's after 6am and I've had barely any sleep because my mind is racing so here's why my party went to shit. Hopefully getting this out somewhere will make me feel better. I'm sorry this is so long.

It started off feeling a bit ahhhh because my dress was a scratchy sensory nightmare. I also wore make-up. I never wear make-up because I hate how it feels on my skin so I was already feeling a bit horrible. So i changed out of my dress and felt a bit better.

Also, I invited my sister and she never showed up. I asked her to just pop in for an hour because she deserves a break (my eldest niece is going through some terrible puberty emotional stuff; been expelled from school; sister has a very misogynistic bf who does nothing to help her in the house so she's balancing everything and close to breakdown herself). So I felt upset about that but got over it and I completely understood why. It's a good job she didn't come along after all.

Things changed when alcohol happened (obvs). We had a couple of drinks and were singing along to some angry 90s girly pop and I felt really happy. I decided I didn't want any more drink for a while which BFF didn't like and kept trying to pressure me to drink more. I think that's when I started to kinda disconnect??

Anyway, she then spent wayyyyy over an hour (probably two hours tbh) just talking to my husband about her boyfriend. Telling D her bf's entire life story including really intimate details. Her bf is a musician in his spare time and he's currently working on an album. She wanted to end my playlist so we could listen to his youtube back catalogue of black metal songs. D is an expert on dealing with people who have drunk a lot (sadly; his dad was an alcoholic) so he was kinda handling all of this while I was sitting there feeling like a billy no mates at my own party. Honestly, she didn't look at me once. I'm sitting on the other settee on the other side of the room like that fucking John Travolta staring around meme.

Then when she did involve me (like, over an hour later) she starts comments about mine and D's intimate life and she's showing me all of these photos she's taken of me and saying how sexy I look in them all and I have to change them to my profile pic. I did not look great in them. I hated every single photo. Then she grabs the glowstick dick (this is a long story, it's a tradition that we make a dick out of glowsticks when we meet up) and starts rubbing it against me telling me to do stuff to the dick and pretend it's D, and if I don't wanna pretend it's D then pretend it's a couple of the men I've talked to online. I used to chat to blokes online for a bit of fun. D knew about it and never had a problem with it. It was all consensual fun stuff. I told her in confidence and didn't expect it to be brought up. I was just slowly feeling humiliated. By this point she's drunk a bottle and a half of rum (I KNOW. I only got the second bottle in bc I'd had the first for a while, sealed, but was worried about it) and I've had three drinks that I've slowly sipped over five or so hours so I'm still very sober. But I could feel myself spiralling. Like, my social battery is running out and I can't socially mask any longer so I said I was going to sit in the bedroom for five minutes because it's cooler and I'm gonna take off my make-up.

And I knew right then I just won't be able to go for the tattoo on Thursday. I don't have enough social energy left to do it. My mood has only started to get better after getting pierced. I know my own limits and I know I can't do it. Thankfully my other BFF is on the other end of Whatsapp. She's wise and really helps me to put things in a logic way when I'm spiralling. So she said to just be firm and say I'm going to bed because I'm tired and I need some rest.

So when I calmed down I did that and I thought I'd be honest about not being able to go to get the tattoo. Then things just got worse. She started saying I have to go and get it; that she, D, and my dad will practically drag me outside to do it. That we can make a whole day of it by visiting the park and then the pub (this is literally the worst thing I can do). And I'm trying to be firm and assertive and not mask and lay down my boundaries. I said no, I can't do it. I know a couple of days before I need to do something if I can do it or not. Like when I've been to the dentist or I got pierced, I might have been an anxious wreck but I knew deep down inside that I could do it. I know I can't do this. My mind won't change. She started arguing that I'll feel different on Thursday and I'm letting myself down (the other worst thing to say to me). She starts saying we should get some more rum tomorrow and have the party again because I've ended it early and it's not a proper party. Also that if I'm still drunk I'll get through the tattoo easier (wtf no). And I'm no fun, and I've been planning this for a year only to end it early by basically being a boring old fart.

By this point, I'm crying. I'm sitting there feeling like I'm being told off by my mum. She's saying all the stuff my mum would when I'd have a meltdown about having to go to family parties or if I just didn't want to go sit outside. BFF is completely ratarsed just having a go at me. She hasn't even noticed I'm crying. So I just stood and announced I was going to bed. I texted D from the bedroom to ask him if he could tidy up all of the buffet food and decorations. I lay on the bed and just silently sobbed until I kinda passed out.

I woke up when D came to bed and then I cried some more. I asked if she'd said anything about the tattoo or me coming to bed and she said she wanted to hatch a plan with him to force me to go outside. Then she started to talk more about her bf and their life and stuff that made D feel very uncomfortable. I'm going to have to do something nice for D or buy him something nice as a thank you for dealing with it all like an absolute pro. I cried into him and then had a really good chat with my other BFF about everything which made me feel better. I thought maybe I'd feel better after some sleep and I do, but in the way that it's just given me even more clarity that I definitely can go do on Thursday. My mood is still terrible and all I want to do is cry.

Tbh I just wanna stay in my room. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna face her. D is going to cancel the tattoo for me later today and say I have covid. I might reschedule at some point and get a different tattoo just for me to celebrate my birthday. I'm so mentally drained I don't know how I'm going to get through my actual birthday on Saturday. I wanted to visit my parents but I can't even see myself leaving the flat. I feel crushed tbh. I hadn't seen her for five years. She hasn't changed. She's always been this loud and gone on and on about the men she's seeing (on my wedding day she spent 12 hours on myspace chatting to a boy she fancied, so she has form) but I think since realising I'm potentially autistic, my understanding of my behaviours has changed so I have boundaries now to prevent further mental breakdowns being worse in the long run. So I've really changed. I'm not just willingly going along with shit. I don't want to mask and I don't want to people please.

If you read this, thank you. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna get through it because now I just wanna stay in bed, watch comfort TV, and do some work on my writing. I'm 40 years old in three days time. I'm too old for this sort of stuff to be happening. This stuff is shit that should happen 20 years ago. I just wanted a cute day where I listened to all of my favourite songs, had a beige buffet, and it was all good vibes.

Thank you all for your very sweet comments too. I kept coming to check on here to give my anxious hands something to do and reading them really made me smile while all of this stuff was going down. I have some of the best followers xxxx

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/30/2023

all you can see is my hand over the back of the couch as i give a limp wrist flick of acknowledgement and point you toward the post ↓ 

listening

Smooth Jazz by GUPPY, a selfdescribed comedic punk band that makes secular guitar music with bedroom-pop overtones. said to myself out loud on my walk "this sounds gay" and whaddya know they are.

I’m listening to smooth jazz In the parking lot outside of Joann’s Fabrics & Crafts And I’m feeling like a dumb spazz Because my mind is moving way too fast

i have had this exact experience at multiple joanns. the last bit of the song has been on loop in my head since uhh thursday when i was catching up with my spot/ify weekly recommended list. the tired, slightly ironic last-number-in-the-musical performance is really doing it for me

Jazz, baby! That’s just jazz, baby That’s just jazz That’s just jazz, baby In my brain, baby So give me a lobotomy

-

reading

raymond chandler's the long goodbye.

this book destroyed me. there is some BREATHTAKING racism even for 1953. it's one of the cruelest things ive ever read. it's a sucking chest wound of a book. i'm going to think about it for the rest of my life.

i'm not able to talk about chandler novels objectively.

i am partially grieving the incredibly fucked up shit that happens to marlowe in this book (i have no fucking clue how you even go on after that, but he does) and partially grieving that this is the last full novel and there aren't any more. i know the unfinished poodle springs was finished after chandler's death but! i do not care.

-

watching

One-Eyed Jacks (1961, dir. Brando). widely available for free, pluto had the nicest copy but ads that weren't blockable. this is a film where the production is as much of a story as the actual film.

i don't actually know if i enjoyed this film or had a good time watching it. i don't know that i ever need to see it more than once.

it is artistically distinct, and i genuinely mean that as a compliment. it is a rare western-that-doesn’t-have-to-be-a-western, and such a weird artifact of a particular guy's career in a particular time.

surprisingly, this is a pretty okay western to watch if you happen to be a woman. katy jurado and pina pellicier are acting their GODDAMN hearts out. despite itself, the movie paints a very good portrait of a mother-daughter relationship and some goodass parenting. women make mistakes and don't die about it. nobody gets raped!!! the absolute lowest bar a western can possibly have. as a quick sidebar, it's not that i think movies should never address rape, it's that westerns always address it in a way that makes my stomach turn.

it is a slow-burning revenge that mostly takes place on a beach, but it also takes you in great uneven hurtling lurches toward its finale. it wants to have things to say about lies, revenge, and storytelling but cannot help but give itself a certain kind of ending. it can only push so far. it is fascinatingly earnest, horny, and earnest about being horny.

-

playing

grim fandango remastered (2015, originally 1998) by double fine. the EPIC tale of CRIME and CORRUPTION in the LAND OF THE DEAD!!! critically acclaimed, what we would now call Mexican Gothic i think, but billed itself as a Aztec-inspired noir.

technical details: i am not totally impressed by this remaster bc it still looks pretty fucking janky in parts (things clipping through other things, heavily pixelated stuff despite being on the highest quality settings, etc)

why i bounced off: i did not play video games growing up, and have not played many point-and-click games. despite this i do like walking simulators (the modern successor to point-and-click) and visual novels. i think bc i do not have the point-and-click background and am not playing this through nostalgia-tinted glasses for 1998, four years after i was born, the way the design team of this game expect the general population to solve problems and the way i personally solve problems are severely mismatched. i have spent about ten hours playing this game (in four acts) getting to about halfway through the third act, and i would say about half that time has been looking for/at guides or making up lost progress bc i didn't save. this is a tremendously frustrating way to spend free time.

what i did love: however, it does Look. i ADORE this tile and want it in my home. in a cutscene in this little automat there are not one not two not three but FOUR reflective surfaces. they're not real-time, of course, but i did say "what the FUCK" out loud. it's also hysterically fucking funny! many short sharp barks of laughter! i am greatly amused at how a game about skeletons invented permadeath! both the writing and the voice performances are so fucking top notch. i understand why this is a beloved classic and im glad a remastered edition exists in the world, but i do not anticipate finishing this game bc i don't get a lot of joy out of having to closely follow a guide to progress.

how i found this: it was free on GOG several years ago, i wanted to play something this weekend that was compatible with lying down on the couch and used a maximum of one finger for the controls.

-

making

i cannot show any of the extremely doxxable embroidery samples that will zhuzh up this cardigan for a work event in mid-june, but i can show how i tacked the buttonband down. this is somewhat indifferent stitch spacing but it stays down and is invisible at a distance from the right side, and that's what matters. gotta de-pill this also but that's a bit boring for a tuesdaypost