#and just. rest. bc I know Thursday is going to be a lot for me bc of my ASL class.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Me, yesterday, 5:30 PM: wow I’m honestly doing so great at my adult tasks; I’ve gotten some homework done, I went grocery shopping, my laundry is almost dry. I spent so many spoons and I barely feel tired! Maybe I’m finally fully recovering from burnout!

Me, yesterday, 6:00 PM: oh.

[steviescrystals]

the last post i reblogged just reignited my rage over something that happened my freshman year of college so mini rant in the notes lol

[callsign-rogueone]

all the small things - g.t.

Garrick Tavis x gn!reader 💌: …would you consider writing something for Garrick that explores some of the little intimate, familiar, or caring details he would do for/with the person he’s in a relationship with? words: 1.1k 🏷: no book spoilers! NSFW at the end, because it’s Garrick and I had to. just some thoughts about Gare being soft and cute (and a little sexy) with his partner. I managed to make this gender neutral. I’m trying a list format this time bc that flows better than a dozen little scraps lol

I feel like Garrick is a quiet partner, that he shows his feelings for you in a lot of little ways that you might not even notice.

He’s just always there.

If you’re studying, he’s studying with you, or working on something else quietly, sharpening his knives, etc.

While you’re chatting with a friend, he’s sitting a foot or two away, slicing a clean dagger through an apple, cutting off a small piece and extending it to you silently.

He is absolutely not afraid to use his stature and his scary reputation to his advantage when it comes to protecting you. 

Some guy made you uncomfortable in the laundry room? Well, now every Thursday night is laundry night for both of you, and he’s gonna stand behind you the whole time, brooding at anyone in the room Xaden-style and making sure they leave you alone.

Your safety is his number one priority.

We all know Dain’s philosophy — I’m going to do everything I can to keep you out of harm’s way

Garrick’s is a bit more nuanced — Harm is going to come to you no matter what, because the world is cruel and we’re literally preparing for war. While I’ll still do everything I can to protect you, I’ll also do everything I can to teach you to protect yourself.

He’s strict about keeping your training routine, giving you extra practice sparring near-daily. He knows when you can handle it and when you can’t. On days when you’re truly exhausted, injured, or at your limit, or something really upset you etc, you’ll spend training time resting — cuddles!

I know this man is an amazing cuddler. All that soft, warm muscle… big hands… strong arms to wrap around you… there’s no escape. Not that you’d ever want to leave lol

… Where were we?

He takes responsibility for your safety (as much as he can in this very dangerous school) while still letting you handle yourself.

That said, he’ll take matters into his own hands for small situations. He will not hesitate to pull you out of the way if people run by and might bump into you, etc. (plus it’s an excuse for him to hug you in the middle of the day lol)

He grabbed you by the back of your shirt once to stop you from hitting the ground when you tripped over your own shoelace — he then proceeded to set you upright and kneel down to tie said shoelace for you. 

Xaden never lets him hear the end of that. (“How come you never tie my shoes for me, Gare?”)

Big acts of service guy.

He’ll fill your water bottle in the morning, and he expects it to be empty at the end of the day or he will make you chug it because hydration is important. He ignores any eye rolls or complaints — you both know that he does this because he loves you.

He makes sure you’re eating, knows your favorite and least favorite foods, and will wordlessly move things on / off of your plate at meals, because you’re sitting directly next to him, of course. You know he wants you close and that’s a way you show love back to him. You also give him your leftovers sometimes. The boy can eat; that's half of how he put on so much muscle.

If you have long hair, he’ll keep one of your hairbands or pins etc in his pocket for whenever the need arises. He likes helping you with your hair, too. He's not the best at braiding or doing other hairstyles, but he’s trying and he’s improving! He also absolutely loves it when you sit in front of him and let him brush your hair / detangle / condition it etc.

He will always take the opportunity to wash your hair. He's super thorough with it and it feels so nice and relaxing.

As Ilya Kaminsky wrote: “Soaping together / is sacred to us / Washing each other’s shoulders. / You can fuck / anyone— but with whom can you sit / in water?”

Garrick. Garrick is whom. he loves showering with you after a long day, washing your back or places you can’t reach, being super gentle with any injuries you have, kissing every bruise and scar.

aaand this is getting nsfw, because it’s Garrick;

Don’t get me wrong though — he loves showering with you for other reasons, too. He loves seeing you naked, obviously, loves gliding soapy hands over your skin, kneading the softest parts of you, massaging gently and getting you all pliant and relaxed for him…

He’ll never pass up an offer to press you against the tiled wall and fuck you until you need to take another shower.

Speaking of fucking… Garrick fucks. 

He took his sweet time with you in the beginning, when your relationship was just starting, because he wanted to make you feel loved and safe with him of course, but also because he was studying.

He’s learned almost everything about your body. He knows what feels good for you, and recognizes all the signs that you’re about to cum — the cute sounds and expressions you make, the way your breathing changes and you grip his hand a little tighter… 

King of praise btw. The boy cannot shut up between the sheets. always telling you how pretty you are, how well you’re taking it, that you deserve to feel so good, just relax and let it out…

But it isn’t all soft and sweet. He's strong, and you’ve put that strength to the test multiple times. He's more than able to pin you down, to keep your legs spread, to hold you in all sorts of positions while he does what he does best.

Being an executive officer comes with a lot of paperwork, and he often gets stuck doing Xaden’s too (they really need to stop using that as a betting chip), but if you sit on his bed all pretty and keep quiet while he works on it, he’ll make it up to you by bending you over the desk when he’s finished.

Remember what I said about keeping you out of danger? There's gonna be consequences if you do something reckless in training or out in the field… That’s all I’ll say on the subject for now 🤭 

I got a little carried away there… Can you tell I’m currently working on three different Garrick smuts? gonna be exploring some of those things in more detail ^^ 👀

all in all, Gare is an amazing boyfriend and he loves you so much 🥺 big strong boy is just so soft for you and only you, and wants to take care of you all the time and make you feel loved and protect you from the cruelty of the world. ❤️

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Four’s A Party

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick

Pairing: Bob Floyd x F! Reader, Billy “Fritz” Avalone x F!Reader, Mickey “Fanboy” Garcia x F!Reader

A/N: it’s a poly relationship, yall! This is honestly super indulgent bc now 3 men I’ve been obsessed with have been in the same movie so…yeah. Enjoy!

“I’m sorry, what do you mean ‘our girlfriend’?” Hangman stares at his fellow Top Gun pilots in confusion.

Fritz, Bob, and Fanboy all look at each other and then shrug, “We share a girlfriend.” Fanboy says nonchalantly.

“How does that even work? Does that mean you’re dating each other?” Rooster pipes in.

Bob fixes his glasses and speaks up, “Well, no. We’re all dating Y/N at the same time. We all have one girlfriend, but Y/N has three boyfriends. We take turns taking her out or sometimes go on a group.”

It’s Fritz’s turn to speak up, “It was a little weird and awkward at first, but we managed to make it work. Takes a lot of patience and communication-“

“And an open mind,” Bob says and Fanboy nods.

“To be fair, she was mine first and then she started hanging around all of us, got close to Bob and Fritz, and here we are.”

Hangman looks at the three men like they’ve individually grown an additional two heads, “What the fuck…so like…in the bedroom-“

“Don’t.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Nope not talking about that.”

Hangman holds out his arms, “What?! I think it’s a valid thing to question!”

“We’re not talking about our sex lives with you, man. Fuck off.” Fritz passes Hangman and shoulder checks him, Bob and Fanboy following behind him.

________________

“So Jake found out about us.” Bob says as he, Fritz, and Fanboy sit at the dining table in your home.

You freeze from cooking, “What? How?”

Billy sighs, “He saw you and me together on Tuesday.”

“Then he saw us together on Thursday.” Mickey states.

“And then us the next day,” Bob adds, “He thought you were cheating on us and that we didn’t know so we had to tell him.”

“Shit,” you set the stove to low heat to turn to your boyfriends, “Should-Should we end it?”

“No!” The three of them stood with a shout in unison.

You look at them slightly startled, “I’m sorry! It’s just-I know Jake can be an ass and I’m sure he already gave you shit when he found out.”

“Asked about our bedroom activities,” Bob grumbles and you scoff, “Of course he did.”

Mickey walks over to you, “We’re not gonna end it just because Hangman’s gonna be a dick. We love you too much. We can deal with him.”

“Are you sure?” Billy shrugs, “We’ve dealt with him for this long. We can manage.”

You let out a sigh of relief, “That’s-That’s good. The idea of breaking up with one of you sucks, but all three? That’s fucking heartbreaking.”

Bob joins you at your side, “We’re here until you don’t want us anymore.” He kisses your cheek.

“But we’ll fight tooth and nail to ensure we stay together for as long as you want,” Billy nuzzles his face in your neck on the other side of you.

“So we’re good?” Mickey asks, leaning in and resting his forehead against yours.

“Yeah…we’re good,” you peck his lips and sigh, “Alright, boys. Let your girl breathe, I gotta finish cooking this before I burn everything!” You push your boyfriends away and they happily take their places back at your table.

They consider themselves lucky for finding an amazing woman like you. But you think you’re the lucky one, finding three men who love you so unconditionally.

[kiraswritten]

Pyro x Reader (Smut)

pairing: pyro x reader warning: smut (not full blown but it gets pretty steamy), excessive swearing bc i love to swear, and excessive use of parentheses word count: 2k+

authors note: ya if you've read Just Maybe, this is legit word for word but it was originally written for Pyro. wrote this ages ago on another blog and i’m just trying to consolidate everything on here! :)

You’re not the type of person that wants to be in a relationship; not you cause you’re still young and why would you want to be with one person for the rest of your life so early on?

You were the type of person that liked to have a certain sense of freedom and no way was a committed relationship a thing you desired, which is why your relationship with Pyro is perfect.

He felt the same way; he too didn’t want the commitment and the hassle of feelings; those things were messy and a lot of things in Pyro’s life was already fucked up.

There you were, on his bed, straddling him only in your bra and panties (He took those off long ago), as he nipped and sucked on your neck, wonderful sounds of pleasure leaving your lips. It was a typical Thursday for the both of you; after training the two of you would take a quick shower (sometimes together) and end up in Pyro’s bed, usually naked.

“You smell like Apples,” he mumbled against your skin, dragging his teeth along the crook of your neck.

“New body wash, you like?” You teased, grinding your wet heat against his crotch.

“Tease, you know I do.” He said, biting and sucking on your neck until he left a bruise.

“You ass I can’t cover that!” You hissed, glaring at him.

Pyro rolled his eyes, “Everyone already knows we fuck; you’re acting like such a priss.” His hands trail down to your waist, slowly pushing off your lace panties.

“As much as I love these on you, they need to come off.” He grinned.

You lift your ass up (earning a groan from Pyro, he loved watching you getting naked), letting him pull off the thin article of clothing from your body, then chucking it off somewhere in the far corner of his room.

You sit back down on him, a sly grin on your face as he looks up and down your body.

You bring your lips to his ear, “Consider yourself lucky cos a pretty girl is sitting on your lap like this,” you bite at the shell of his ear, “I wonder who you saved in your past life to be this lucky.”

Pyro closed his eyes, gripping your waist tightly, he grinds his crotch on you, a moan leaving your lips. “Yeah Baby, I’m lucky as hell. You dripping wet and ready for me, I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

You loved how the two of you can’t seem to get your hands off of each other; no matter how many times the two of you go at it, the intensity and hunger for each other grows each time.

Pyro latches his mouth onto your nipple, earning another moan from you, he flicks and gropes the other one with his hand as you hold onto him. He leaves love bites all over your chest, proud of his work.

“Pyro I can’t wear my tank tops ‘cause of you,” you whine but enjoy the pleasure he’s giving you.

“Just wear them, it’ll be hot.” He says into your skin. “Like me.”

He flips you over, your back on his bed, he trails kisses down to your hip bone, grazing his teeth, then trailing kisses down to your thighs. You close your eyes, gripping at the sheets, “Oh fuck you’re so wet babe,” he says, he licks a trail at your entrance, making you squirm under his touch. “Fuck John, if you don’t fuck me this instant I swear I’m gonna kick your ass!” You yell out, impatient at how he’s playing you.

His eyebrow twitches; he hated it when people called him John but with you it turns him on knowing that you only did that when you were sexually frustrated by him.

“All you had to do was ask,” he sneered, sticking a finger into your wet cunt.

“Fuck,” you gasp out, your back arching off of the bed.

“I need you, please,” you gasp out, “I can’t with foreplay right now, I want you inside me,” Pyro quickly discards his boxers, kicking them off to the floor. He makes his way to you, hovering over your naked body, his eyes glazed over with lust.

He parts your legs with his knees, you bite down on your bottom lip in anticipation, he always liked making you squirm under him. His eyes look down on you, his arm near your head, propping him up while his other hand is wrapped around his cock, giving it a few pumps before lining it against your entrance.

“You want me Babe?” He has his shit-eating grin plastered on his face; you knew how you looked under him; you knew how red your cheeks were, lips swollen, eyelids half-lidded, chest heaving; he had you right when he wanted you. “Please-” “Please what?” He rubs his tip against your wet folds, teasing you.

You knew he wanted you to beg for his cock, he wanted to hear you moan and whimper just for him. “I’m not begging, just be a good boy for me and give me what I want.” You whine, lifting your hips for any type of friction.

He lets go of his cock, his hand grabbing your hip, pushing your down. “Boy? What did you just call me?” His eyes grew dark, the pressure of his hold on your hip grew tighter, “Oh honey, I am not a boy,” He growls, slipping himself inside you with one forceful thrust. “Oh fuck,” you cry out, arching your back off of the bed.

“Yesyesyesyes!” you sigh out, Pyro grins at your reaction, quickening his thrusts. He shifts his weight and uses his elbow to hold himself up, both of your pelvises pressed against each other. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into a kiss; all tongue and teeth clashing, you needed to taste him.

It ends with him rolling off of you, lying down next to you as the two of you catch your breaths, his fingers slowly interlocks with yours. You think nothing of it but you can’t deny it quickens your heartbeat when he does.

He’s only done this recently. You don’t ask him why he does it and he doesn’t tell you why either. The two of you lie in silence (sans the heavy breathing) till you’re reasonably calm.

You begin to get up from the bed, wanting to go to the restroom because you needed to go (no uti’s for you). His grip on your hand pulls you back slightly, causing you to look at him. “Come back after?” he asks, his usual icy grey eyes soften at you.

You nod your head as you let go of his hand, quickly grabbing his shirt and boxers from the floor; ignoring the burning sensation in your thighs. You quickly dress in his clothing, scurrying to the bathroom. You finish your business and walk back into his room; he’s half dressed, barely, only in boxers as he fixes the pillows back to their original positions.

He’s changed the bed sheets; the old one stuffed into his hamper. You close the door and jump into his bed, loving the softness of his new blanket.

He lies next to you, his arm wrapping around your waist. You turn your body towards him, resting your head on his chest; this is normal, nothing’s changed. Can my heart stop beating so fucking fast?!

You’ve been lying to yourself for a while now; you’re terrified of commitment yet this is the longest relationship you’ve had with someone. You didn’t want feelings to mess up the thing you had with Pyro, it was good, you were happy.

The plan was foolproof; the two of you would stay best of friends, no feelings attached when the two of you fucked; just sexual frustrations poured over one (sometimes yours, so two) bed(s), no strings attached. Your relationship in bed is strictly in bed and your relationship as friends were out of the room.

But your heart decided to join the party and made you confused.

You caught yourself more times than you’d like to admit, daydreaming of going on dates with Pyro, hell, even holding his hand in public and it scared you. This was supposed to be fun and mess free and you suddenly find yourself tangled in your own emotions.

It didn’t help that when the two of you were in public, he’d hold you by your waist as if it were natural, or you’d be sitting on his lap during break, it’s like he needed to be touching you when the two of you weren’t grabbing each other in bed. It only occurred to you how much you needed to feel his presence recently and that scared you.

You didn’t want this; you didn’t want feelings, but here you are, in bed with the guy that you might have (maybe) feelings for. “Py,” you say, breaking the silence, he loved it when you called him the shitty nickname you gave him but he’d never admit that to your face.

“Yeah?” He asked, his eyes still glued to the ceiling.

“I think we should stop this whole thing,” You feel your cheeks heat up, cause i’m pretty sure i’m in fucking love with you and i don’t want to be. “Huh?” He says, surprised, he sits himself up on the headboard, his arm still wrapped around your waist.

You look up at him, meeting his gaze, his eyes a darker shade of grey.

“The whole ‘this’ I-I think we should stop.” You watch his reaction to your words, he furrows his brows in confusion, “Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” He asks and you immediately feel shitty,

“No, no! It’s not that, nothing like that. You-uh, you’re great-amazing even!” Oh fucking god I shouldn’t have said shit. “I just, I think we should just stop with that now, I mean- don’t you wanna do it with someone else?” You cringe at your words, you wanted to kick yourself in the ass for saying those words cause you don’t mean them at all.

“Do you?” He asks, his throat feeling tight, “Did you find someone else you wanted to fuck?” The last word cut into you, making you bite down on your lip.

“No, that’s not the point-Jesus- Pyro no, fuck, just forget it, forget it.” You turn your body away from his, closing your eyes. He slinks back down on the bed, this time pulling you closer, your back against his chest.

“Talk to me,” he says quietly, his voice void of any emotion.

Something inside you snaps and all you want to do is tell him everything; tell him that you’ve (probably) fallen for him and it eats at you. You broke the rule and all you wanted to do was run away.

You don’t reply and he doesn’t push any further; he was lost in his own thoughts, wondering if he did anything wrong.

Did she find out? He curses himself silently, am i that fucking obvious? He wonders if you noticed how needy he’s grown to have you near him, he wonders if you’ve noticed how he looks at you when you’re doing homework or cleaning, or doing absolutely fucking nothing, he wonders if you know that he’s head-over-heels for you and he wants to kick himself in the ass cause he broke the rule.

He was lying to himself the day the two of you decided this whole ordeal. He was being selfish and he wanted you for himself.

You didn’t want to feel this way; you didn’t want to ruin whatever it was that you had.

“Feelings ruin shit.” you mumble, loud enough for Pyro to hear.

“I think I fucking love you okay and- okay I lied, I don’t think I do, I probably do-like there’s a good chance I do and I’m sorry I broke the rule, god why am I still talking-” You were cut off by Pyro pulling you into his chest, hugging you tight.

“I love you too, fuck you scared me. I thought you didn’t want me around anymore.” He says, unable to control the smile that spread across his face.

You look at him, blinking the tears from your eyes (you didn’t even realise you were crying), he lets out a chuckle, wiping the tears from your face, “You baby,” He teases, and you swat his arm, and he laughs this time, hugging you tighter.

You melt into his touch, he presses a soft kiss on your forehead and your heart bursts cause this was one of the scenarios you’ve thought of and it’s so much better than you imagined, “I swear to god if you tell anyone this I’m gonna set you on fire,” and the magic is ruined. “That’s the Pyro I know, ruining moments like this.”

[lost-amongst-the-stars]

Therapy recap

I started off talking about the TN flare Thursday night that was probably a combo of building the patio and touching on sensitive stuff last session. The TN stuff is mostly better at this point, but we woke up in a lot of pain this morning in our shoulders, back, and right leg.

Then we talked yesterday. I had asked S about going to a pride march yesterday but he had to cancel bc of back problems causing leg weakness. Which was disappointing but understandable. Later in the day, we went out shopping with K and a series of small incidents left me feeling rejected and like everything was focused on K yet again. Which I had communicated with S. After we got home, K had multiple meltdowns like usual so S and I were focused on calming her and helping her get things done. Then S and K played a video game together that I don't play when usually we all play games together on Sundays and I got pretty upset. I ended up talking with S about everything after K had gone to bed. After ranting about the way she continues to treat me, S said that while he usually tries to not get between, would I like for him to talk to her about this? And yes. Very much. I know if I try to talk to her it will go poorly, but she responds much better to S so him talking to her might actually help. So that's a relief.

I talked about how after our last session where we figured out why I was being shut out internally, the Beans have been able to talk around what's been happening inside. They can't directly talk about what's happening, but they've been able to tell S things like "it's been bad inside" and get comfort. I've also been able to write more. It had gotten to the point that it was hard to write about anything, but it's getting easier now.

I shared some of the song lyrics that have been stuck in my head lately that share themes of my head being too full but not being able to speak. As we were talking about this, suddenly my thoughts got plucked away with a sense of my head being full of cotton. We talked about why certain parts don't want me to know things. When I've pursued this before, I've been told I'm too weak to handle it and I need to just do my job (getting on with daily life). C asked what I thought about this and I said that while I don't necessarily agree, I can understand why they don't trust me. Every time we get deeper into things, I end up in pain and pull back. C pointed out that it's those parts who use pain to punish me so it's not me who is causing the pain. And even with them causing pain whenever we push further, I'm still here. I haven't broken. And i was like. Oh. Huh. That's true. C said something about how these parts say I'm too weak and emotional to handle knowing more but by punishing me for getting close they show their own fear. To which I got a zap in my head. I told C that it seemed like these parts don't like being talked about as so...human and normal. As we talked, I realized these parts see themselves as angelic-like beings in the sense of being powerful and higher up the hierarchy. They don't like the loss of authority that comes with being seen as just another part. (Fighting heavy waves of dissociation to keep writing this rn). Meanwhile other parts felt empowered, and others satisfied, at the idea the angelic ones are just parts like the rest of us (they Really don't like me saying that). C and I talked about needing to find ways to talk about this that doesn't cause too much backlash while still supporting other parts.

We wrapped up by talking about ways to take care of myself to hopefully avoid further TN pain

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 6

m/m anon (new), poem anon (new), outlet anon, catholic guilt anon, therapist anon

m/m anon (new)

hi cas :)

i’ve seen your advice posts and you honestly seem really nice and idrk who else to talk to about this thing that happened the other day, because it’s sort of been tearing me up a little bit.

so on thursday, I was in my physics lesson next to my friend T, and we were sort of chatting like usual. T likes to consume a lot of m/m romance, fanfic, anime etc and asks me for recs but she’s straight and a christian. I didn’t really have a problem with this, bc I find the whole ‘straight women reading gay stuff is morally wrong!’ kinda weird and tbh I don’t get it so idk I was happy to chat to her about this stuff.

now i’m pretty openly queer & transmasc, and i’ve never had any issues about it from her. i’ve never actually heard her use my preferred pronouns and she’s only used my chosen name a few times, even tho I did explicitly come out to her, but I was sorta giving her the benefit of the doubt yk since I takes some getting used to.

so anyway at some point in the conversation i made like a silly joke smth like ‘oh imagine being straight couldn’t be me!’ and we kinda giggled and she said kinda jokingly ‘you can’t say that it’s against my religion’ and then I sort of. like froze up a bit? and I asked her to expand on that, which made her look kinda uncomfy. she was like, ‘well yoy can’t be gay and christian, being gay is a sin! god said to go forth and be fruitful, and gay people can’t have kids.’ (gay people can have kids wtf?) so I asked her well what about straight people who can’t/choose not to have kids. what about people who adopt, right! and then she sort of looked really agitated and i felt bad for pushing her and she said ‘well idrk it’s just what my mum tells me’ so I just dropped it. because I didn’t want to upset her.

but then I was sort of upset and kinda only half responding to her for the rest of the lesson. we haven’t really spoken since, and I feel really guilty, but also a really upset woth her. when I got home, I literally started typing out a very long message about christianity and homophobia and started like citing sources etc but I never sent it bc I was too scared. it’s still in my notes app and i’m actually considering just sending it to her.

and also, teh fact that she thinks gay people are sinning but reads m/m stuff really icks me out. and also the fact that she didn’t really have much justification other than ‘my mum told me’ bothers me because if you’re having homophobic opinions, at least be able to justify them yourself.

the thing is I know I can’t really change peoples beliefs if they don’t want to, and T is honestly so nice, and an amazing person. my general attitude towards religious queer phones has always been, ‘well i think it sucks that you think this, but u can’t change that, so i’m just not going to talk to you more than u have to’ but I really don’t want to stop being friends with her.

like really, this is the first time she’s ever brought this up, but i’m so uncomfortable around her now and it’s just. not great, like how am I meant to just ignore that she thinks my existent is sinning you know? idek what she thinks on trans people, but now i’m too scared to ask her. because I don’t think she understands that you can’t separate my from my gender and sexuality. it’s just a part of me that I didn’t choose.

and I just really want to at least try to change her mind, because I don’t know what i’m going to do if I can’t. anyway, I just really really needed to vent, and didn’t want to upset anyone else ik irl who also is friends with her, so I would really appreciate some aduce from you as well :)

Hi!

I can totally see why you're frustrated. Honestly, in my experience with people similar to this, arguing with them/trying to prove them wrong isn't helpful though. It just kind of makes them more determined to believe what they believe. But I think you're well within your rights to ask questions- why is she still friends with you? does she see you as who you are, or your agab? why does she read m/m fanfic? Don't ask in a rude way, just like...a curious way.

And if she's mean about who you are, even if she's nice in other instances...idk, it depends on how you feel, but I'm not sure I could look past that, personally.

Keep me updated!

____

poem anon

omg im literally so gay for my best friend (ill call her L) its sort of embarrassing. like, earlier today when i was texting her (we were sending each other reels on insta (i downloaded insta to talk to her)) she was like "IF YOU WROTE ME A POEM I WOULD BE SO HAPPY" and then i... wrote her a poem. i was lowk scared that it wasnt good, but she loved it. i think she likes me too, but im also kind of in love with one of my other friends(ill call him B), and i think he likes me too. L is poly, and hopefully might be fine with me dating both of them, but im not sure about B. Idk man, im not sure, ive never been in love like this. im way too scared to confess to either of them, but i have been sort of hinting at it, like they are to me (i think), and i really love them both. any ways, i just needed to get that off my chest. ill send you the poem in another ask. thanks for reading, Cas.

Hi!!

Okay so based on the poem you sent, I feel like she has to know how you feel and also probably feels the same way bc like...it was an amazing poem and also very romantic. and she liked it so...it seems like she must like you too? I'm not sure how much that helps when thinking about B, but I feel like it's a good thing overall, right?

___

outlet anon

hi hon!

I'm NOT disappointed <3 this is a HARD thing to deal with and many people struggle with it for years and years. I promise, I've been in a similar position before, and I am NOT judging you. I believe in you, though, and I know you can keep working to find healthy coping strategies.

And as far as your more recent ask-- what about like online chats or something? If I'm pushing too much, let me know, I just want you to have something when I'm not able to check my inboxes, you know?

___

catholic guilt anon

Hey, Cas!

Catholic guilt anon here,

I have been trying to see my faith and religion as my own relationship instead of what others think of my relationship, and I think it’s been going pretty well! Honestly? Really well, I’d say. I feel my Higher Power’s presence more often, I pray earnestly more often, I feel Him more often, and it’s pretty cool. And the thing about the “self exploration” has gotten easier. It’s not as guilt-focused and more “why” focused. Like “maybe this isn’t inherently bad, but what it can lead to is bad. How can I prevent myself from doing bad things, when doing this morally neutral thing?” And I think I’ve gotten better at it,

So, thank you for being a listening ear :)

Have a blessed day <3

Hi! I'm so glad you're feeling good about your faith!!! That makes me really happy <3 I hope you have a great day as well!

___

therapist anon

Hi cas! Therapist anon here ans I just wanted to tell you that I got my shoes! They're the green campuses ans I love them so much theyre so perfect and have that fresh shoe smell!

Only problem is now I have to wear them :/

Yay, I'm glad you got your shoes! And wait, is that a problem because you don't want to ruin them?

[cupcakeinat0r]

A couple of yall asked for the booty routine so here u go, shawty <3

Ik this looks like a lot, but trust, bae, it’s important. I felt like if ima talk abt my routine, might as well talk a lil bit abt food too since both work as a team.

[First, let me say that I am by no means a professional. This is something I've learned and acquired through self-research, as well as having two siblings, one who is a bodybuilder and the other who is a personal trainer. Also, the gym is a safe n fun space for everyone:) Work out because you want to, not bc you think you need to look a certain way <3]

Here's my Split: I added my upper body days as well in case yall wanted to kno <3

Monday: Glutes + quads

Tuesday: Back + Biceps

Wednesday: Glutes + Hamstrings

Thursday: Chest + Tricep

Friday: Full Body

Saturday + Sunday: Active rest!!! (Could be running, walking, bicycling, etc., whatever is fun to do! My personal fav is the stair master for an hr or Running for 3 miles, but you do whatever you can. Listen to your body.)

In addition, I do cardio after each sesh on the weekdays. For me, that's running for like 2 miles or so, depends how I'm feeling, but you do whatever cardio you'd like! A good start could simply be inclined walking!

Also, pls pls pls remember rest days are VITALLL. If u want to grow that booty (which is something the couple of you specifically mentioned), those rest days are important bc this is the period when those muscles are actually repairing themselves from the workout, resulting in growth!!! A huge misconception is that “the muscles grow during the workout”… no. Ur actually tearin up those puppies, so that’s what rest days r for! Both rest + protein contribute to ur muscle repair + growth (I’ll talk abt protein intake later). Naturally, I like to rest Sat n Sun, but it could be any 2-3 days of the week. Sometimes, I be usin that Fri full-body sesh as a rest day too so liiiike... if u need to, please do (especially during periods uuuuugh).

As for specific Workouts, I'll list em here. These r for the booty ;)

Hip thrusts, booty + hamstrings

Romanian dead lift, booty + hammies

Goblet Squat, quad destroyer

Hip abductions, booty burner, omfg

Leg press, depends on footing. Higher on platform works hammies n booty, lower works quads.

Weighted Squats, the whole damn leg.

Body weight squats OR lunges (good for warm-ups)

Leg curl, hammies

Leg extension, quads

Bulgarian split squat, booty n whole leg

I do 4 sets of 12 <3

(ALMOST FORGOT, I TARGET FOR 5-6 DIFF EXERCISE FOR EACH WORKOUT)

Nutrition plays a huuuge part as well, but I'll only talk very lil abt it since ion know yall's specific needs<3

Generally, if u want growth, just take ur current weight and put that in grams, for example = 170 lbs. -> 170 g of protein each day. Now, taking in the amount of protein u need can be hard at first, so just for the beginning, just try to at least get close to it then work ur way up. Foods high in protein that I like are Greek Yogurt, Chicken, Lean Ground Beef, Salmon, and snackies such as protein bars (avocado is like the holy grail for a phat booty just sayin. It's not protein, but it's the healthiest source of fat there is!). As for other groups (fat n carbs) don’t be so strict, bae… just use your portions. No need to restrict urself from ANY food bc no food is “bad”. I can talk allllll day abt this one but ima just shut up for now lmao.

PHEW, honestly, don't mention the gym around me cuz I will not shut up. Ima gym rat at heart so like I could literally keep writing abt this but bc literally, like, 3 ppl asked for this, Ima just wrap up here <3

Hope this was a lil bit of help @gltzpzy @mybvalentine @icenbroo <33333333

P.s. would it be cringe if I said I sometimes use Miguel as motivation??? Like he’s watchin me or som??? Bye, I hate that I do that, I’m like actually mentally unwell bc of that stupid mass of pixels Sony created ☠️

[minheelovelee]

i CANNOT stop thinking about a threesome with jihoon and junkyu like i feel junkyu would be gentle, praising you meanwhile jihoon would be rough, degrading you and like.. yeah 🧍‍♀️ maybe.. a lil’ drabble 😅 ?

also could i be ‘🪷’ anon ?

Course you can! I don't know what this emoji is bc i'm on desktop, but ill look when i'm on my phone :)🪷

OK lillypad emoji that’s awesome.

ANYWAY. Yes! Jikyu. I like this combo a lot bc they can both be so mean or so sweet. I think they would play a game of good cop bad cop. Jihoon is realllly mean and makes sure your body remembers this for the rest of the week. Junkyu gets to love up on you and tell you sweet things. They both get what they want. Everyone wins.

Being in a close-knit trio with them would lead to a threesome easily. Jihoon doesn’t fuck ever, and kyu is a little hyper sexual on the first Thursday of every month. So rare for him to get that horny.

Ji complains about how he gets nothing and kyu says the same. But your just the sweetest little thing and ur like “hey why don’t I help u guys. I give head.” All you have to say is the word “head” and Junkyu is seated. He’s tryna fuck fr. Jihoon is a little wearier. He’ll test you with questions before he even thinks about getting hard. When you calm his nerves and tell him it’s alright, hes soooo down.

They would LOVE to Eiffel Tower you. Kyu takes ur mouth of course. He would never say no to neck. And jihoon takes ur pussy. He lovesss making sure you feel good, even if he acts like he doesn’t.

Junkyu is probably fucked out the second you lay your tongue on him. He lets some real nice words slip off his tongue when you’re sucking him off.

“Oh fuck, babydoll. Never had a tighter fuckin mouth than this.”

“Doin’ so damn good. Gotta get this from ya all the time now.”

“I’m so, so close. Let me cum in your mouth. Wanna see you swallow all of it for me, darling.”

When they’ve had their fill of your holes, hoon would grab kyu by the hair and have him eat you out. He’s real good at eating pussy so he doesn’t mind at all. Jihoon on the other hand would take to your ears, whispering nasty things.

“You’re such a little whore. You let me fuck that hole now you’re letting junkyu have his go? It’s never enough for you, princess.”

“He’s such a naughty boy, isn’t he? Couldn’t care less if you came or not. That’s why I’m here, baby. Someone’s gotta take care of you.”

“Cute little sounds getting me hard again, baby. Gimmie that hand, show me a little love, too.”

EEEEEKKK.

[stars-and-darkness]

WIP WEDNESDAY!!! but it's thursday

week #22

more of the amnesia au, bc ya girl isn't allowed to write anything else, or else her bff is gonna skin her alive (love ya alicia <3)

She’s deep, deep in her thoughts when there’s a knock on the door, and when she calls for the arrival to enter, it’s her mother.

“Mom, hi,” Caroline says, and quickly clicks out of the photos of the massacre from yesterday on her desktop. Maybe Mum doesn’t need to see all that.

“Sweetie.” Mum comes to sit in the armchair in front of her desk.

“So!” Caroline claps her hands. It’s painfully awkward. “What brings you to my office?” Sitting in a chair that’s usually occupied by people pleading for something, or trying to convince her that what they want is also what she wants.

It’s very, very weird to see her mum sitting where Becker Wexer had sat a few days ago.

Mum gives her a smile that’s a bit strange, almost as if all the same thoughts that are going through Caroline’s head are also going though hers, but that’s impossible, of course.

“I had a talk, yesterday,” she says at last. “With Klaus.”

“Oh.”

Well, that can’t have gone well. Rarely anything involving both her mother and her fiancé ever goes well.

“Look whatever he said, you surely must see as clearly as we all do that he’s currently not exactly operating at—”

“Caroline!” Mum interrupts. “It was fine, actually.”

“Oh,” Caroline says again, in a completely different tone of voice. “Really?”

She doesn’t think that’s ever happened before. Usually, when her mum and Klaus interact, they only have complaints.

“Mmmhmm.”

“Right. Well … that’s great.” Yep. This is completely new territory. “What did you guys talk about?”

For a moment, her mother’s eyes shutter closed, and then it’s like it never happened. “Let’s say we came to a truce.”

Now, Caroline’s eyebrows really fly up. “You and Klaus?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

She almost freezes. There were other things to speak of, last night.

The skin of her shoulder burns as if his eyes are still on it.

“I guess it didn’t come up. I mean, I’m glad.”

“It was for your sake. He suggested it. I couldn’t exactly refuse.”

Caroline nods. “Thank you. It means a lot.” Reduces the level of stress she’s under, if nothing else.

Her mum doesn’t leave, or say anything else. She just stays there, sitting, watching.

Caroline looks so much like her—it’s like looking into a distorted mirror image. Mum’s got her head angled a little, probably unconscious, and her eyes are depthless.

“Mom?”

Mum’s eyes fall on her hands. Her ring. The one with the black stone, not the blue. “Why do you stay here, Caroline?”

Caroline straightens. She doesn’t need to hear any more of this—she cuts the rest of the speech her mum had prepared with a wave of her hand. “Don’t.”

“I’m serious. Your engagement clearly isn’t—”

“Klaus will return to me,” she snaps back. “As soon as the Alcaide amulet is in our possession, and knowing us, that’s sooner rather than later that we’re looking at.”

“Caroline—”

“And even if he never does …” She shakes her head. “There is so much more I’m doing here, Mom. It’s not just about him. I have a family here, I have a place, a role, responsibilities and privileges, and …” She swallows. “My life is here, Mom. And what a life it is.

“Don’t ask that of me, Mom. You know I can’t give you that. You know I don’t want to.”

Her mother looks away. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you don’t … understand. This thing between Klaus and me. But I didn’t jump into life in New Orleans, into an engagement, head-first with no consideration. I guess it may have seemed that way to you, since I didn’t exactly, like, consult with you before I did these things, so maybe it seems like it all came out of nowhere … but it didn’t, Mom. This was a long time coming, all of it. This stupid amnesia curse is just another hurdle on the road, but I’ve broken through every hurdle that came before it.”

“I just want what’s best for you.”

Caroline shrugs. “I know that.” Her dad wanted what was best for her, and so did Tyler, and Matt, and scores of other people. “But Mom, you have to trust me to know what’s best for me myself.”

“Is this?” Mum waves her hand all over the office, as if she can sense the gore that was on her desktop just a moment ago. “Is this what’s best for you? You’ll never have peace here.”

“I’m a vampire, I’d never have peace in the usual sense anyway. But I’m with my family here. I’m doing something worth doing.”

“Ruling?” Mum asks.

Caroline gives her a look. “Don’t say it like it’s a bad thing. This city is a safe haven for the supernatural. Here, we can thrive. We are closer to living out in the open than anywhere else in the world, and when we don’t have to worry about hunters picking us all off, we have the time, the space, for our culture to flourish. There is so much of it, Mom. Millennia-worth.”

“And it’s your duty to safeguard that?”

“Why not?”

“I hope you know …” Mum attempts, then tries again: “I hope you know I just want you to be happy.”

“I know.”

“Okay. Okay.” Mum wipes her hands on the legs of her trousers. “I love you.”

Caroline nods. “And I you.”

And that is it.

[boyslit]

week-ish in review:

Friday: sweep up sticks in yard to prep for people mowing

Saturday: ouch maybe i twisted my back. time for all the home remedies

Sunday: ummm.... pelvic tilts aren't supposed to hurt like that

Monday: 🥲 ow + leg weakness so i started using my cane to get around. scheduled with pcp on Weds

Tuesday: call to reschedule gyno appt bc no way in hell am i driving two hours round trip and finagling myself into the obgyns stirrups. languish in bed. ice pack and Warframe give brief reprieves

Weds: dr visit. get a scrip for Prednisone (🤢) and a shot of medjol which doesn't burn like the nurse said but it does a real whammy on the pain 🙏 gracias

Thursday: feel a little stronger but the pain's about the same. cane's helping me take weight off the bad leg. getting bored resting lol helped decorate some cookies in the kitchen as long as i could stand sitting in the chair, then back to bed

Friday (pending): if pain doesn't get noticeably better over the weekend I'll call back Monday... then I'll be scheduled for pt and possibly an mri so maybe it works out i wasn't hired as much as that sucks? anyway thank goodness for grocery pickup, ten minutes on my feet and all my bones are screaming... not sure if I'm doing much else, bf didn't want to move my book box to an accessible location bc he worries I'll overextend myself :p we know, but hey!

Saturday (pending): makin' burgers 🍔👨‍🍳😎🍽️ i can ostensibly do much of the prep sitting and bf usually mans the stove anymore. ordered lots of fresh veggies in the pickup so we can have pussy poppin salads too

Sunday (pending): Easter..... sighs guess it'll depend how i feel if i go to the family thing. since my mom started sniffling and crying when she saw me with the cane i dread anyone else going "wuzzat for" 🙄 it's my third leg mind your business! maybe i can say I'm doing what Grandma should've done: not been so stubborn and using a cane when it helps me and not when it's impossible to go without! damn woman, rest her soul, insisted she didn't need mobility assistance until there wasn't no cartilage left in her knees and then she needed a walker and wheelchair 🙄 now idk how much cushion is missing in my spine but i know when i need help moving. i put off getting a cane for way too long in the first place bc 'well I'm not THAT disabled' he says, as his partner uses his CNA skills to physically lift him from the bed bc his legs won't work 🤨📸 dumbass.

anyway this was mostly just for my own records, was trying to think back how long it's been with this stupid pain saga 😮‍💨 a week was about how long my previous flares were taking to clear up but something definitely feels different this time

[bluedalahorse]

So is now the time to post the opening of my unfinished YR abortion road trip fic?

Maybe. Maybe today is the day! This isn’t on AO3 because I haven’t finished it, but @heliza24 really wants me to finish it and would be glad that I posted even this part to fandom.

There’s more written than just this excerpt, so I could always post more if people are curious.

No title yet, because this is untitled.

Summary: Shortly after season 2, Felice wanders off campus to process a high-profile arrest and other recent shakeups at Hillerska. She doesn’t expect to meet Sara Eriksson, who is in the process of running away.

—

Felice’s Phone

Group chat: MANOR HOUSE GIRLZ (Fredrika, Maddie, Stella)

Maddie: yooooo Felice

Maddie: tell us you missed Swedish class for something epic

Stella: we took notes for you

Stella: mine are better than Fredrika’s

Fredrika: LIES mine are better than Stella’s

Maddie: you’re not in your room

Maddie: girl are you even at school?

Fredrika: just tell us where you are and we won’t snitch

Stella: Felice?

Stella: please check in

Stella: and maybe flirt with one of the local boys so he buys you booze

Fredrika: and then share?

Maddie: don’t listen to them

Maddie: only flirt with someone hot

Stella: yeah he’s got to be at least as hot as Fredrika

Stella: lol j/k ahahaha what

Fredrika: heeeyyyyyyy Feliiiiiice where are youuuuu

Fredrika: we’re a little worried, just let us know

Fredrika: tho at least you didn’t get sick and disappear into the bathroom like SOMEONE we could mention

Stella: but we’re not mentioning her

Stella: bc we don’t mention traitors

—

Felice sits at the edge of a convenience store parking lot in Bjärstad, counting all the scars in her nail polish. It’s supposed to be a fresh coat. Stella brushed the ballet slipper pink onto Felice’s nails on Tuesday, and right now it’s only—Thursday afternoon? Felice is drunk on leftover vodka she stashed in her closet behind her Prada handbag, but not so drunk she’s forgotten that it’s Thursday. A Thursday full of literal dark clouds, at that. 

Tuesday was sunny, and it was also the day that police arrived at Hillerska and escorted that guy away. That one, the ex. Wednesday, Felice’s ex-best friend, her real ex in any kind of emotional attachment sense, came back to school for half a day, but couldn’t make it past lunch. Now people are spreading rumors about Sara Eriksson puking in the bathroom. So maybe it’s been a weird enough forty-eight hours that Felice hasn’t noticed herself scarring up her nail polish.

And maybe, now that today is Thursday, Felice needed to skip classes and get drunk and go for a walk off campus, and buy a bag of chips from a nothing convenience store in this nowhere town. There are things getting drunk won’t solve. But it’s not like being sober is going to solve things for Felice right now, either.

Felice’s phone vibrates against her thigh. She pulls it out of the pocket of her sweatpants and notes the texts from Fredrika and Stella and Maddie in her (recently purged) group chat. They’re asking her where she is, and is she coming to dinner. Please check in, fuck. How performatively worried. Felice unlocks her phone and almost fumbles her way through a typo-soaked message before deciding she’ll do this psychically. I am walking back to Hillerska now, she thinks in the general direction of school, slow and deliberate. She leaves the rest up to Maddie’s alleged witch powers and pulls herself to her feet.

Felice’s ankles ache the way they do when she’s walked on her Jimmy Choo heels for too long. She’s not wearing heels, though, only slides. Her legs wobble. Her thoughts swirl in slow, doomed circles, like dirty water circling a drain, as thunder rumbles overhead and a cool breeze rustles nearby trees. The rain is imminent, and Felice contemplates how much worse it will be when she shows back up on campus not only drunk, but drunk and completely soaked through, her carefully styled curls a wreck.

(Stella, Fredrika, and Maddie could get away with a stunt like that. A teacher might ignore their obvious alcohol breath and just tell them to put on dry pajamas and go to bed. But for Felice, they notice everything. Because Felice sticks out to begin with.)

Felice is caught in a vision of the headmistress, hissing the word inebriated on a phone call to parents, when a van pulls into the parking lot. She’s not as up on cars as the Forest Ridge boys, but this van definitely belongs to a Bjärstad local. She braces herself for an awful catcall as the window rolls down halfway, certain she’s about to get leered at by some guy in a permanently affixed football beanie.

Instead, it’s a girl. No football beanie, only football confidence. Felice recognizes the girl from Simon’s instagram—she’s come up a few times. Felice hasn’t been counting, but she’s noticed.

“You’re in choir with Simon,” says the girl. “Felice, right? I’m Rosh. Need a ride back to school?”

“I can walk. I think,” Felice says. And then, so she can own her story, she adds, “I might be a little drunk?”

Felice adjusts her posture, straightening her spine and setting her hand on her hip as she makes eye contact with Rosh. Immediately a sense of embarrassment twinges in her chest at her pose. What the—was she modeling? She’s not making a case for relative sobriety, whatever she’s doing.

Rosh turns to consult with someone next to her, then turns back to Felice.

“Come on,” she says. “Get in the car. Back seat.”

“Um. Thanks.”

The back door of the van slides open. Felice doesn’t have time to question who Rosh has next to her in the passenger seat. She receives an answer soon enough anyway. The back of Sara Eriksson’s head is so familiar—defeated brown waves that haven’t seen a wash day in too long. Sara’s shoulders are hunched over; her neck is bent. She does not turn around.

Two weeks ago, if Felice saw Sara looking like that, she would have pulled Sara close and rubbed her back until they talked through what was wrong.

(Part of her still wants to. But she doesn’t like the idea of Sara mentally comparing her hugs to someone else’s, and she’s allowed to be petty about that.)

“You don’t have to talk to me,” Sara says, tapping away on her phone. She sounds exhausted. “I’m busy anyway.”

“If you hydrate, we won’t ask about the drinking,” says Rosh to Felice. “There’s sports drink behind the passenger seat. Take one.”

Right. Sports drink. Because Rosh does sports, Felice has noticed. It sounds like an order more than an offer. Felice ducks down and liberates one of the bottles from its six-pack. The liquid inside is neon-bright and tastes of soft metal and fake citrus. Rain splatters on the van’s windows—the first sparse and irregular drops, followed by the entire pounding ensemble of water. For the next few minutes, Felice focuses on the horizon, where blurred trees meet the mirror-gray sky, and sips her post-football-run drink. Sara takes care of the directions to her old dorm, uttering an occasional “right” or “left” or “go straight here” to Rosh. Felice can’t tell why she’s doing it. Why she didn’t just insist on leaving Felice behind.

Then, the conversation shifts. Or at least, the conversation that Felice isn’t a part of shifts.

“Rosh?” Sara whispers. “I can’t find anywhere cheap enough for us to stay.”

“Even on the apps?” Rosh replies. “Look, I told you, I have some money—”

“I can’t take your money.”

“It’s money I owe Simon anyway.”

“That’s even worse. He already hates me. You should hate me more.” 

Sara breathes in, then out, audibly. She does it a few more times. Felice’s own lungs strain in sympathy.

“We have to find a place for the weekend,” says Sara. “Or we can’t do it.”

“What are you talking about?” Felice finally asks. She presses a hand to her thigh to keep her leg from jiggling. Since she was seven years old and started her first etiquette classes, she’s always been able to sit still. Always.

“We’re going on a weekend trip,” Rosh answers, too brightly. “To Stockholm—”

“—to an island,” Sara says at the same time.

“Stockholm has lots of islands,” Rosh improvises. “Sara just needs to be away for a weekend. That’s all.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re going on a normal trip,” says Felice, hearing the suspicion in her voice, and how it sounds like her father.

“We told Mamma we were traveling,” says Sara. “My period’s late. I don’t––I don’t think it’s coming. I know it isn’t coming, because—”

“Don’t tell me that.”

“—I did a pregnancy test.”

Felice digs her chipped nails into her knee. She knew how Sara’s sentence was going to end. Not the way she knows people’s names or the answers on a test she studied for, but the way she knows to pull her hand away when she touches a hot stove. Swift and unthinking. She even gasps the same way she does when she’s burned. Not out of surprise but out of pain.

“Fuck, Sara,” says Rosh. “You don’t have to tell her. She could tell the media.”

“Sorry,” says Sara. “It just came out. I’m scared, okay?” At last she turns around and looks toward Felice, her fingers curled around the back of the passenger seat. Her face is red and purple-tinged in all the places that indicate crying and sleepless nights. “Look, you can’t tell anyone. Rosh and I are going to deal with it. We already got the pills. I can’t deal with it at home because of Simon and Mamma. I don’t know what they’d say.”

“We wanted to use my apartment,” Rosh adds. “We thought my mother was going to visit one of my aunties this weekend. But auntie came to visit us instead at the last minute.”

“Please don’t tell anyone at school, Felice.” Sara turns away again. “Or Simon. Don’t tell him either.”

“People are already talking about how you threw up in the bathroom,” says Felice. “And if you’re absent from school again, they’re going to wonder.”

“Please don’t tell,” Sara repeats, voice muffled as she pushes her face into her coat sleeves.

As much as the infusion of electrolytes, courtesy of Rosh, has helped Felice to steady her head, she’s still too drunk for this. Or maybe, again, she isn’t drunk enough. She tries to imagine her math class tomorrow, working trigonometry problems with an empty chair beside her and actually knowing why the chair is empty. She can’t. Felice can’t even imagine faking sick and staying home from class, because then Stella and Fredrika would come visit her with buns and coffee, and then they’d want to gossip.

At first, being able to gossip felt good. But ever since the arrest—since the security from the palace arriving to keep out news cameras—gossip is more like gangrene eating at an already wounded limb. Felice needs amputation, or at least closure. Until then, she’s just going to keep asking herself questions about what part of the catastrophe she made happen. Why didn’t she ask Sara who she had a crush on, like best friends always do? Why hadn’t she been more concerned that Sara was gone all the time and came back late to their room? Why hadn’t she told Sara how bad things got with him last term, to warn her?

Felice doesn’t want to keep asking herself the questions, because this isn’t her fault. Maybe Sara isn’t the only one who needs an emergency abortion. Maybe Felice needs to abort Sara from her life, so she can move on.

But if she’s going to do this, she has to make it her choice.

“My family has a vacation cabin,” Felice says. “We can go there to do what you need to do. But after that, we will never speak to one another ever again. Alright?”

Sara’s shrunk down in her seat so much that Felice can’t see her anymore, but Felice is pretty sure from the rustling of her coat sleeves that she’s nodding.

Five minutes later, Felice is on the phone with her mother, feeding her excuses and exaggerations until she gets the approval to leave school for the weekend. At the same time, Rosh turns the van around and drives away from Hillerska.

[skunkes]

You probably get this asked a lot but do you have any particular things you keep in mind when writing in your journal? I started recently and it's been great but I find that Only recapping my day gets to be a bit tedious (esp when I don't go outside much lol) so I was curious what you do to keep motivated with it ! Ur sticker layouts are always so cutes btw I'm very inspired by them ^_^💖

Yeah! I mainly journal for Memory Keeping as i have a weird obsession with wanting to keep track of anything/everything, so i just think of what future cheye would want to know, instead of just recapping day.

Makes me really sad bc in college all i had energy to write was like "ate x went to class went to mailroom went to class 2 had x for dinner 1 am now goodnight" and its like. What about. The whole rest of it!! What did u do who did you talk to when was it that you saw a raccoon irl for the first time!!! Were you stressing over assignments?? Which and why!!! I have 0 tangible, meaningful, memories of what happened now. Just sterile clinical ones. :(

I do track things consistently like my rating for the day, the time i woke up and the time i go to bed, what i ate, if i cried, along wit other personal stats (i like the numbers!). Sometimes I also dont Do anything in a day so i just focus on other things, like taking the opportunity to write about feelings a little bit, so future cheye Knows the state of mind i was in on a given day, or maybe talk about how I bought something and am excited to wear/use it

Not much happened today so I wrote about and included how my dad described the plot of to, and showed me, some scenes of The Untouchables 1987 today because a song always reminds him of that movie...

yesterday I wrote about how my sister and I are planning on trying some pillsbury cocoa rolls on thursday, since we couldn't today, and that I am Excited.

I don't know, its small things that I feel I'd appreciate in the future even if they seem silly or pointless right now...(and also good for keeping track of personal growth, as Im hoping I at one point get to pinpoint where my complaints about Not Wanting to Drive fade away from the entries. Ykwim?)

ITS KIND OF LIKE THAT ONE POST ON HERE...like "if you see this tag one delight from your day no matter how small". You ""force"" yourself to come up with something to pad the entry with, and I think it's small things like that that will be really telling of your time here, in the future ^_^ time capsule of the old you

like. Did you see something insanely funny? Did your best friend say something weird... Did the internet platforms you browse all rally over a war criminal dying... Is it still rainy and chilly like it was yesterday? Are you excited for your birthday even if its many months away... What series did you start rewatching? Did u get scared by a shadow while walking your dog...idk! Anything, everything

[bobatelevision]

i had to put my sweet baby down yesterday...

on thursday morning he was fine, eating and drinking fine. nothing out of the ordinary. thursday night he seems to have trouble breathing, he had discharge around his eyes, and kept making these pained noises I've never heard him make before. he had no appetite and wasnt drinking water. i bought some critical care to try force feeding him but he wasnt accepting it at all and tried to give him a mix of pedialyte + water to get him fluids and he accepted some but not a lot. i thought he maybe had some upper respiratory infection and maybe needed antibiotics, so i started calling some veterinarians in my area.

it was really late at night too so i called around and had such a hard time finding a vet to treat him bc most of the animal hospitals either:

-serviced guinea pigs

-their exotic vet wasnt in that night

-serviced guinea pigs but was closed

i was scared to even go to sleep that night bc his conditioned looked so bad, i didnt think he would even make it to the morning. but he managed to survive the night, so i called around again and was able to find a vet about 40 min away that could take him. we enter the hospital and they immediately take him in and i was in the waiting room. the doc comes out to talk to me to explain what was happening.

he had a stone in his bladder that was blocking his urethra and he couldn't urinate. bladder stones can be very life threatening bc if an animal cant pee, it can develop an infection (sepsis) and even get a heart attack. when she examined him, everytime she palpated his bladder he would be in pain, so they gave him a pain injection. they lead me into a room to explain what his treatment would consist of, and i was fucking shocked.

nearly $5k for his surgery and treatment, i couldn't fucking believe it. the worst part is there really was no plan b on his treatment that wasn't euthanasia. i felt so fucking sick, but i had to think on it more. i thought about maybe calling other animal hospitals but i already had a lot of trouble trying to find anyone to treat him at all, and even if there was a miracle situation where i could afford his treatment, it would not guarantee that he wouldnt fall ill again. on top of the fact that guinea pigs are really fragile creatures and dont have very long life spans. the procedure is incredibly invasive and could put so much stress on his little body. i didnt want him to be in more pain than he really was.

so i made the tough decision on putting him down, because i didn't want him to suffer any longer. i'm so heartbroken bc although i knew we would part ways one day, i didnt imagine it would be so soon. we spent past 3 years together, i adopted him mid pandemic bc being stuck in a different country from the rest of my family is incredibly isolating. i gave him so much love and spoiled him so much. he ate veggies & hay to his hearts content, would start cui-cuing at the sound of a bag being opened, he got to sleep in the largest and comfiest pet beds. he used to sleep on my nap while i gamed or watched shows. he was very skittish with people, except for me bc he knew i would give him the world. i'm feeling so defeated rn. i stayed with him til the very last moment, he was very sedated but soo cuddly in the last hour. the only thing to bring me peace of mind is knowing he was relaxed and in no pain in his final moments.

he doesn't know the amount of people that love him around the world, even as far as Australia. he had an impact on many people. all my irls and my online friends absolutely adored him. even my mom, who is deathly afraid of rodents, thought he was so cute and precious bc of how fluffy he is. his departure left a huge hole in my heart. when i got back home, i bursted into tears looking at his empty enclosure. im so used to him jumping around and getting quirked up when he hears me enter my room. i just cant believe i'll never get to see him, or hold him, or even feed him again.

Rest in Peace, my beloved Taro.

I love you so dearly, you may very little but you had a very huge heart.. and appetite. You will always be missed and I hope you are enjoying large quantities of lettuce in cui cui heaven.

[chososcamgirl]

HIHIHI SIGMA ALPHA IYA‼️🤗 SOOO ERMM SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING FOR TWO DAYS… I HAVE A LOT OF TESTS THIS WEEK SO I GOT RLLY BUSY 😢😢 I HOPE YR HAVING A VERY SIGMA DAY 🔥🔥 IM GONNA TRY AND MAKE THIS CHECKUP RLLY FIRE TO MAKE UP FOR THE PAST TWO DAYSS

ITS OKAY POOPIE I COULD NEVER BE MAD AT U 🤗💗‼️ WERE BOTH IN THIS TG.. we are A PACK… I HOPE YOUVE BEEN TAKING GOOD BREAKS THO‼️ BEING BUSY IS SO DRAINING SO MAKE SURE TO GET LOADS OF REST TOOO 🐺🙏💪

OKOK SOOO I GOT MY TEST RESULT BACK AND I ACTUALLY KINDA COOKED⁉️⁉️ I CANT BELIEVE I DIDNT FAIL 😭😭 GLAD THO CUS THAT MEANS MY GRADES ARE STILL UP 🆙🔥💪 IM TRYING TO WORK ON A SLEEP SCHED BUT ITS SO HARDD 😢 BUT I HOPE YOUVE GOTTEN MORE SLEEP + STOPPED ACHING

ORNENRNDNF I HAVE PLANS TO DRIVE TO THE MALL WITH SOME FRIENDS AND IM SO EXCITED SINCE ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WENT TO A MALL (had to restrict myself because of my HORRIBLE spending habits.. 😪😪) IM SO HAPPY WHBEBENEJEEN 💪🐺‼️🔥🤗🤗

ITS ALMOSY SJAP WEEKEND… IM SO PUMPED… KINDA SCARED THESE CHAPTERS R GONNA CRUSH ME… IYA IF WE HOOKED UP WITH SUKUNA.. 😡 HE ENEBSBENEBDB WERE GETTING INNNN THE PLOTTT IM SO EXCITEDD FOR THIS SJAP WEEKENDSDD 💪🤗🔥

THESE PAST TWO DAYS WERE NOT SKIBIDI IM LIKE BARLEY MAKING IT THRU BUT HOPEFULLY TMRW WILL BE SIGMA SINCE I HAVE PLANS WITH FRIENDS‼️🤗 I ACIDENTALLY FELL ASLEEP IN A CLASS AND MY TEACHER TOLD MY MOM WHICH RESULTED ME GETRING MY GYATT BEATEN 😢😢 I NEED TO MAKE SURE IM LOCKED IN FOR REAL REAL NOW CUS MY TEACHER IS OUT HERE TO GETTTTTT MY ASSSSS 😖😖😣😫😔😰 AND ALSO I THINK I HABE AN INGROWN TOENAIL OR SMTHING CUS LIKE IT LOWK HURT ASF BUT IT DONT LOOK LIKE IT.. MY FRIENDS WERE POINTING OUT HOW I WAS WALKING WEIRD AND JTS CUS IT HURTS LIKE HELL EVERY STEP 💔💔😩😩 SEND TIPS FOR HOW TO TREAT JT CHAT‼️🔥 I SWEARRR ITS GONNA BE THE DEATH OF MEEE 😢😢

+ ITS TECHINCALLY OCT.4 HERE (2AM) BUTTT ITS CLOSE ENOUGH TO OCT.3RD AND GUESS WHAG DAY IT WAS…. NATIONAL BF DAY (I found out thru all the stories my friends/mutuals were posting 💔) so happy national bfs day toge 😍🥰😘 PLEASE I NEED HIM SO BADDDD

M-m-mahiTOE…? *I utter in disbelief* n-no… this can’t be… iya…. How could you do this to me…. Why….?? *runs away sonbing* 😔😔 not very sigma… (OK TBHHHH.. UNDERSTANDABLE BUT I FUCKING HAtE THAT HO 😡😡😡 I’ll make an exception for you tho iya 🥰🥰😘😘💗💗

OK IK U LIVE WITH THE KANGAROOS BUT HAVE U SEEN THE ELECTION STICKER THIS YESR??? LMAO I LOVE IT SO MUCH CUS WHY IS IT LITERALLY A PIC OF MY FACE??? IF U HAVENT SEEN IT HERE https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/05/style/michigan-i-voted-sticker-werewolf.html THATS THE LINK TO AN ARTICLE ABT IT BUT JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURE I DONT LIVE IN MICHIGAN BUT I WISH I DID SO I COULD GET THE STICKER 💔

ATOD ANSWERRRR… lowk……. Lighting McQueen 🤗🤤 OR THE BLUE MNM… THEY COULD GET ITTT 😍🤤

OKOKOK QOTD UHH A RANDOM HOT TAKE U HAVE SRY THIS ONES BORING IM TIRED ASF AND HAVE MY LAST EXAM TOMORROW ‼️‼️🔥 WISH ME LUCK + GN (morning for u. 😘)

LOVE U LOTS SIGMA 🤗‼️🐺🙏

-🐺

HI ALPHA!!! 🐺

this is the ask from friday or thursday i believe… but i saw ur other one SO DW IM ANSWERING BOTH😈 ITS OKAY!! don’t feel pressured to send one in every day bc i know it can be a lot but just know ur asks are always appreciated and ily <3

YES i’ve been working for the last 4 days opening and closing basically and it’s so customer orientated like ARGHHSH my body is just exhausted BUT I HOPE UR DOING WELL TOO!! the pack must stick together🙂‍↕️‼️

YESSS I KNEW U ATE… the power of the pack manifested together to make you cook🔥🔥 also omg me and u both have horrible spending habits… i leave my room and i drop $300 on random shit but even if i stay in my room i just go online shopping which is SO BAD like ive spent $5000 in the last two months…. oops!

YAY FOR SJAP WEEKEND!!! NAUR ur teacher is a OPP fr like hello there was no need to tell ur mum😒😒 also THE INGROWN RAIL HELP i hope it heals soon i’ve never had one before so i don’t know the pain💔 SEND REMEDIES CHAT‼️‼️ also i hope the weekend is better for u alpha and i’ll use the power of the pack to manifest next week is better too <3 LMFAO HAPPY NATIONAL BOYFRIENDS DAY TOGE

yes mahito… he is my guilty pleasure in a way… IDK HES JUST SO… idk i can’t explain it.. forgive me pls🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ LMFAO THE STICKER HELP😭 NO I LOVE IT I WANT IT PLS

AOTD‼️ my hot take is that lychees taste bad🙇‍♀️ IM SORRY THEYRE JUST SO GROSS😭 LMK URS ALPHA!! ILY🫵🫵

[shion-yu]

Gave myself almost-pneumonia and my couch looks like a damn stock photo.

Since the whole time I’ve been like, “Am I living one of my shitty fanfictions? Coz this sucks.” Let me tell y’all a story.

Cold weather sucks as a severe asthmatic. I moved to the South so I didn’t have to deal with the frigid winters of upstate NY. I’m basically on and off sick until Spring comes (and then there’s allergy season but I digress). I think it’s helped some, but my lungs are just fucked up ok?

Anyways I went to a concert last Saturday and it was freezing. Then I went to the zoo on Sunday with a friend and it was also cold and swarming with kids who don’t know how to cover their mouths when they cough. It was a great weekend but by Tuesday I was sick - great. I had some warning bc my friend I went to the zoo with said they got sick yesterday. But it just seemed like a minor cold and I’ve been through this a million times, I truly did not think it was gonna get too much worse. My asthma was mostly under control and I rested a lot all week.

Thursday I’m more tired, but I start nebulizer treatments and even skip ice skating class and reschedule it for Saturday bc hey, I’m responsible. But Friday I start to feel worse. Like to the point where everybody at work is like wtf go home and one of them told me she’s gonna get me holy water. But it’s okay, it’s still been SO much worse and I’m really fine.

Saturday morning I wake up and I feel like I’m cured. So I go to ice skating class. And maybe I take a little walk in the rain. Bad fuckin idea. By the end of the day I’m having full blown asthma attacks one after the other and sweating like crazy. My abdomen is aching from coughing so much that it hurts to sit up. But I really don’t want to go to the ER. Not again. So I message my pulmonologist and hope I can just say never mind I’m good now by the time he answers on Monday.

That brings us to today, Sunday. I woke up at 6am after only 4 hours of sleep because I can’t stop choking. I’m sneezing and coughing up fluorescent green stuff, my throat tastes like blood and I have a fever. I really, really didn’t want to go to the doctor but it’s time. I drag my sorry ass to urgent care where the entire hour I sit in waiting, everybody who walks by gives me a ‘goddamn’ look because I’m coughing loud enough to alert the entire damn office. I’m so embarrassed bc what if they think I’m being dramatic and wasting time - again? I awkwardly explain my situation and the doctor sends me for CXR. When it comes back he says “Well, you don’t have pneumonia yet but see alllll this stuff here? That’s inflammation. I’m gonna prescribe antibiotics and (way heavier) steroids and you might have bronchitis already but your asthma is so bad that it’s indistinguishable by now. Also with your lungs you probably won’t be able to tell you have pneumonia until it’s pretty bad.”

So anyways, that’s my week. At least I got a lot of writing done for Whumptober - didn’t have to dig very deep to find enough misery to go around to all my fav OCs lol.