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shihalyfie · 4 years

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“The 02 characters didn’t get any character development”

Yes, they did.

“But -- “

Yes, they did.

Having had the gift of having rewatched 02 recently, I have to say that it still really, really confuses me how the hell people get this impression. It’s not even “I’m trying to see the best out of this” but that I genuinely do not get it, because as far as I’m able to see it’s pretty much literally right there!! This isn’t even tinfoil hat tier!

But in case you have any doubts, sit down because Shiha’s gonna sit here and write a meta about the 02 kids, and how they are perfectly reasonable characters that developed properly fine over the course of the series.

(All below translations of 02 dialogue are by PositronCannon.)

So the first thing to understand about 02 is that it is fundamentally made with a very different writing approach from Adventure in the first place, and therefore it is not meant to be compared in a one-to-one fashion.

This is a point I’ve said many times over and over, and I think it’s to the point where it shouldn’t even really need official clarification, but I’m just going to go ahead and bring up the words from Director Kakudou himself:

For instance, we had the prior series stick out in terms of its points about “what it means to be oneself”, and for 02 we made it so that you would pay attention to “the relationship between yourself and other people”.

Right, so: 02, by design, does not use Adventure’s character development methodology of “self-awareness”. It is built from the ground up by having its characters and character development predicated on relationships instead of singular characters. This might seem a bit odd on its face, but no man is an island, and, in fact, changing the way you interact with other people and with the world in general does speak a lot about one’s personal growth in its own way. And this also means that if you try to analyze 02 by holding it to Adventure-based standards of “character focus episodes” or the like, you’re already on a losing battle.

This means that character growth in 02 is not presented in a way where it’s up-front and center, but rather something you have to glean over the natural course of the series. We’re working off relationships, so you have to actually pay attention to the natural interactions between the characters or what they say even during “off-hours” -- the focus-episode format used by Adventure doesn’t apply here anymore. And it’s something apparent enough from how “evolution” is a metaphor for “personal growth” in this franchise -- in Adventure it was via the Crests, which meant self-awareness, but 02′s key evolutionary trump card is Jogress, which relies on the strength of relationships.

One thing I have to say in terms of my experience as a 02 fan is that I’ve found I actually appreciated it significantly more as an adult than I did as a kid, and that, in general, a lot of the things to appreciate about 02 are things that you really viscerally feel and understand when you’ve gotten that degree of life experience under your belt. Unfortunately, this is kind of a double-edged sword, too, because it ends up becoming the kind of series that often risks going over the heads of the very audience of children it was supposed to be targeting. It’s got a lot of very nuanced depictions of mental health and the childhood experience that are maddeningly subtle, to the point of possibly going over one’s head or even coming off as illogical without sufficient life experience, or simply just not being as visceral (the entire theme of “parents stroking their own ego with their kids’ achievements” hits the hardest when you’re college age).

So what this means is that 02 doesn’t exactly hand its themes or character development to you on a plate. But it is there, once you actually start looking for it.

Let’s start off by talking about our main core cast of characters. Adventure and 02 prided themselves on the fact that they tried very hard to not be adherent to anime tropes, but rather to portray well-rounded, nuanced characters that felt more like actual kids you might meet at school. So how does the 02 cast fare in not being pigeonholed anime tropes?

Daisuke: Even though official freely admits he has “the most anime-like personality”, it’s hard to say he actually falls that much into the generic shounen archetype. For one, he’s actually shockingly humble and polite in certain situations (he’s consistently polite with his elders, and is very quick to admit his own limitations). Actually, he comes off as a surprisingly friendly and deferential person -- it’s just that he happens to have somewhat of an abrasive exterior, and even then it’s implied heavily in the first half that this stems from a lack of validation and purpose. (He actually “deflates” really easily, so you can’t even say he’s all that arrogant past the surface.) Certainly he’s simple-minded, and kind of an idiot, but his abrasive exterior is actually pretty deceptive.

Miyako: Miyako floats an interesting duality of simultaneously being aggressively feminine and being aggressively un-feminine -- not necessarily in the sense she tries not to be feminine (on the contrary, she absolutely embraces it), but more that she’s also an aggressive, “inelegant” mess in ways atypical for a lead heroine in a shounen show, who are usually either cute or “badass action girls” and not...a mess. Despite that, she is also consistently portrayed as capable of heavy emotional depth and being very genuinely kind and concerned about others, which are not in any way diminished by the fact she happens to be an aggressive mess with a severe case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. It’s an interesting mix of character traits that you don’t see often.

Iori: “Designated young characters” usually fall into the “cute” archetype a la Adventure!Takeru or Tomoki, so it’s interesting that the youngest one is actually the most mature one, and impeccably polite at that (having been raised by a family that emphasizes formal manners and propriety). Even more interestingly, nobody actually treats him like he’s that much younger, and he’s given the weight of respect in a sense that has nothing to do with his age (think about how there are indeed quite a few kids who simply just get along better with older kids). Yet the series doesn’t shy away from his youth, and his overly black-and-white view of morality is portrayed as immaturity in its own way, along with the occasional “slips” in his facade or manners indicating that it’s still something he has to consciously focus on.

Ken: Ken’s development goes without saying (it’s one of the most consistently praised aspects of 02), but it’s also interesting to note the unusual way the series plays his redemption arc. Instead of making him a typical “jerkass anti-hero who learns to get a bit better”, the series completely blindsides you by revealing that Ken is, in fact, a naturally soft-hearted and kind boy, and then plays up the mystery of the severe kinds of trauma that would lead him down that path. And ultimately, even though the cause is revealed to have supernatural influence, the series also makes it clear that it doesn’t matter -- that, whether it was his conscious “fault” or not, he still is responsible for what he did. And on top of that, it also scorns the usual “redemption by sacrifice” mentality by pointing out that it’s a cop-out -- it doesn’t actually solve the problems that were caused, and, in fact, a much better way to make up for things is to fix them going forward.

Takeru: Takeru had the “designated young character” role in Adventure, and it turns out that once one of those gets a few years older, they’re naturally not going to be nearly as pure and innocent! The “sweet child” from Adventure has now grown into having slightly pettier emotions, even to the point of grudge, and things he won’t let go of. Oh, and also, trauma from three years prior is still going to have impact on an eleven-year-old kid. Who would have thought.

Hikari: Adventure’s most infamously inscrutable character also seems to have gained some individualized, not-quite-innocent traits of her own (observe how she deals with Daisuke’s advances), and, moreover, it turns out that her deferential humility and refusal to open up about her problems is...not a good thing! when it starts to actually bite her in the rear in front of her friends. Yeah, it turns out that being the “quiet cute girl” actually has its own mental health drawbacks. Oops.

We’re doing pretty well, actually! At the very least, they certainly feel like they already have the Adventure/02 brand of character nuance, where their personalities are inherently varied and nuanced enough that you may not quite find characters like them elsewhere. On top of that, we definitely get to see what makes these characters “tick” -- we get a lot of depth into their thought processes and what their likes and dislikes or strengths and weaknesses are, and that’s something 02 still completely beats out a lot of other kids’ shows or even certain other Digimon entries with.

But here we’re talking about character development. So what do we know about them at the very beginning of the series?

Having watched 02 in Japanese a few times and being very used to the core cast’s latter-half characterizations, rewatching the early episodes always strikes me really hard in the face with genuine shock at how shallow the kids -- especially Daisuke and Miyako -- start the series off as. It’s understandable in terms of the context of the series -- unlike the Adventure kids, who were thrown into a “survival, need to get home” situation off the bat and thus already understood the need to be wary, these kids started off having comparatively easy access to home at any time, and didn’t have a constant sense of danger and survival looming over their heads. It naturally took a lot of time for the gravity of the situation they were in to start really hitting them, and so even the relatively straight-laced Iori didn’t exactly take it all that seriously at the beginning.

Yet while it took them a significantly more delayed time to understand what they were dealing with and take it as seriously as they needed to...they started cultivating something else in the meantime.

02′s first half is especially full of “random banter conversations” that seemingly involve nothing in particular, but, in fact, that’s actually part of the point. One thing I have always been quick to point out in regards to 02 is that it is rather unique among Digimon series in how it goes out of its way to portray its core cast as having become friends even in pure daily-life social friend terms, even if it had absolutely nothing to do with Digimon incidents -- these are kids who genuinely enjoy each other’s company even in the most mundane of situations. This was something that wasn’t the case for the original Adventure kids -- having been a group of kids thrown together by necessity, even though they most certainly kept in touch and trusted each other as fellow Chosen Children deeply, they started floating back into their own different social clusters after the events of 1999. Relationships are multifaceted, after all; you can still have a deep relationship and bond without necessarily being friends on a social level.

But already, off the bat, Miyako brings food for her new best friends, and it’s implied that she’s the main ringleader behind holding the picnic -- a picnic that started off having no intended relation to the Digital World territory war -- in episode 6. And, to be quite honest, can you really blame these kids? Even the Adventure kids wistfully entertained the idea of a long-term fun adventure through the Digital World in Adventure episode 54, wanting to enjoy its beauty and fun in a situation where they weren’t constantly running for their lives. Now that this luxury is actually available, why not take advantage of it -- and bond further with the others in the process? And for the rest of the year, these kids actively end up spending mundane conversations together and bonding to the point that, by the time we get to the end of 02, these kids have just genuinely bonded so much that they really come off as a cohesive, inseparable unit that would actively choose to spend time with each other if given the opportunity. In fact, even going through all of the TV Digimon series that exist as of this writing, I would say Appmon is the only one that really competes with 02 in portraying its core cast in this manner.

Again, remember: this is a series where characterization is dependent on how the kids treat others and interact with them, so you do actually have to pay close attention to these interactions and see how they change over the course of the series.

So once the episodes start coming in play, we actually learn a lot more about what happens when the characters start breaking away from their shallowness. For instance, episode 8, one of the first key episodes to understanding Daisuke’s character:

Daisuke: He'll be a great opponent. We didn't face off in the last tournament. Takeru: If you had made it to the finals, you would have, right? Daisuke: Don't remind me... Hikari: Can you win? Daisuke: It's not about winning or losing. Right now, all of the boys who play soccer in this country want to be like him. Just thinking about playing against him makes me excited!

For all Daisuke initially seems to be arrogant, he’s actually not that incapable of humility. Far from it, actually; he does have a genuine love for soccer and the spirit of the game, and, when completely and obviously unmatched, fully admits he has no chance and is set on enjoying the most he can out of it anyway. I feel like Daisuke’s surface-abrasive attitude really does throw off the fact that he’s a lot more genuinely humble than he’s given credit for. In the end, he’s satisfied enough with the accomplishment of pulling off one sliding tackle against Ken, and is able to enjoy that -- a foreshadowing of how the latter half relies so much on the fact that he’s capable of enjoying simple pleasures and being straightforward about them.

I find that this scene is really underappreciated, too (mainly because it gets lost in all of the other major things in this episode) -- while Daisuke jokes about his accomplishment, it only takes a single comment from his respected senior Taichi to shut him down.

There’s a huge reason I constantly emphasize that Daisuke respects his elders -- this part tends to get lost in translation a lot (especially the American English dub, which just smashed this aspect out of him wholesale, among other things) due to it being a bit reliant on Asian senior deference and cultural propriety, but Daisuke is respectful not only out of societal obligation but also because he genuinely respects his elders! The way he looks up to Taichi and chases after his approval is genuine, and even his interactions with the other Adventure kids have a major hint of him having genuine respect and deference to them. Daisuke is just a deferential person in general -- note that while his crush on Hikari tends to manifest when he’s at his most shallow, he’s actually the one putting Hikari on a pedestal (considering it his own responsibility to impress her), so he’s not actually as assertive as he tries to come off as. The first half of 02 arguably has him deflating more often than he actually stands his ground...and this is a trait of him that starts to actually change quite a bit over the course of the series.

Miyako comes to terms with the fact that maybe she’d been taking this whole Digital World adventure thing too lightly in episode 10, indicating that she actually does have a good sense of priorities when they become increasingly clear! This is actually very important, because it fleshes her out as someone who’s emotionally sensitive -- too emotionally sensitive, to the point that “emotional sensitivity” is just as much of a driving point behind her later breakdown in episode 18, this time from taking her duties too seriously. Miyako is a very id-driven person, and so a lot of the early series is her struggling to find a proper balance on how to adjust her emotions in an increasingly escalating situation. Her heart is in the right place, she’s just not someone with an inherent sense of preparedness to deal with this kind of problem.

We get into the secondary Digimental arc, and there’s a noticeable consistent thread that all of them involve admission of personal faults. This is something that tends to throw people off at times -- wait, having bad traits about yourself is what awards you? -- but the point is that this isn’t like Adventure’s Crests, where things came from proof of exercising the virtue, but rather admitting that there are ways you need to improve, and showing a will to improve in that manner. In the end, people are not perfect human beings, and sometimes even understanding that you’re deficient is half the battle -- after all, the second half is all about a certain character named Ichijouji Ken coming to terms with some very, very serious personal problems.

In episode 11, Daisuke completely admits that he doesn’t feel he understands the concept of friendship the way Taichi and Yamato et al. see it, also latently admitting that he doesn’t see himself as worthy of the Digimental of Friendship. Beyond betraying a lot deeper issues within Daisuke that he seems to have actually had a background lacking in friends and sources of validation, he actually acts very self-effacing when admitting his issues to Taichi and Yamato, ultimately culminating in him calling himself pathetic. Or, in other words, he does want to be a better friend and to understand the concept better, and is harsh on himself for not doing better (which, of course, ultimately leads to how he eventually does gain better relations with the rest of the group and reaches out to Ken).

In episode 14, Miyako admits that she’s shallow and judgmental and tends to jump to conclusions based on first impressions. Recall that she’s comparing herself to Mimi in said relevant scene -- Mimi, whom she admires, and actually spends part of the episode trying to understand and empathize with the mentality of. This is not a statement of Miyako being proud of herself. Rather, this is Miyako being very straightforward about the fact that she needs to try harder to see through the essence of things and to see through to the emotional core of. Again, something she actually does start developing over the course of the series.

In episode 16, Iori gets his first major lesson on the limitations of being too stuck on principles in his attempt to be honest. Recall that Iori’s later character arc is very dependent on him realizing that his own view of the world is too black-and-white. It’s great if you could never tell a lie to anyone, ever, but in the end, that’s going to reach limitations of practicality -- after all, as Jou points out, what Iori did ended up not actually hurting Jou in comparison to the incredible amount of hurt it would have caused everyone by being too stubborn, and thus Iori would have failed to keep his responsibility to help the others because of one narrow-minded principle.

Hikari even gets in a bit during the infamous episode 13, where we learn that her “passive” attitude is biting her in the rear. In Adventure, Hikari’s passiveness and reticence had mostly been used as satellite development for Taichi (his insecurities as an older brother and his obligations to her), so this is actually the first time we get to see a proper perspective from Hikari’s side, and it turns out that his overprotectiveness has actually caused her to get dependent. But even though Taichi is the one the episode actually focuses on, the larger focus is more specifically on the fact that Hikari is too passive -- that she sees being taken by the Dark Ocean as an inevitable thing that’s just going to happen unless someone else steps in on her behalf. Takeru, of course, is having none of it.

Once that’s out of the way, we go back to taking a look at the subtleties of everyone’s interactions. While everyone generally tends to focus on the second half of episode 17, it’s also pretty interesting to see how the 02 kids react to hearing about their seniors’ adventure in the first half -- remember that this is the first time the 02 kids are actually given any real depth about the degree of 1999′s events that’s not just random points of hearsay, and the way the new kids react to it indicates that they’re thoroughly floored. It’s later established that they didn’t even get the full story (it may not even be possible, given that the Adventure kids’ experiences may well have gone even further beyond what we got to see in 54 episodes), and yet the new kids are overwhelmed. 02 itself does not shy away from the fact that the younger kids really have no qualms about deferring to their seniors if need be, and treating them with utmost respect.

Another minor note, which I pointed out in my Daisuke meta earlier, is that the beginning of this episode is pretty much the last time Daisuke ever shows outright hostility towards Takeru for his relationship with Hikari -- it’s something you have to glean by squinting, but the implication is that the insecure and clingy Daisuke actually got to learn this episode that the two of them had a pre-established shared experience that he himself may not understand, and that it wasn’t just Takeru randomly swooping in and snatching away the closest thing he had to a friend for no good reason.

Once the Kaiser infiltration arc begins, episode 18 ends up being one of Miyako’s funniest episodes, but it’s a bit distressing that a lot of people in the fanbase often never let Miyako live this incident down, when in actuality this was explicitly not a good mental health day for her. (This is basically the equivalent of pinning Mimi as a conceited, self-centered jerk based on the fact she was one for a fashion in Adventure episode 25.) The beginning and ending of this episode establish that this is basically a result of Miyako...trying her hardest. She’s scared as hell, but she also learned in episode 10 that this is something she needs to take seriously, and the stress puts her into a mental breakdown. This is why she ends up having a heart-to-heart with Hawkmon at the end; her heart is in the right place, but she needs to find a way to channel her emotional sensitivity in a way that doesn’t make her into a complete mess.

And note that her own voice actress, Natsuki Rio, even pointed out that Hawkmon’s actions had enough of an influence on Miyako’s character that she had to play her differently thereafter.

At first I always played her with Maximum Excitement, and I kept thinking “someone, please, stop her,” but the more straight-laced Hawkmon did his best to pull her in and hold her by the reins (laughs). Thanks to him, Miyako became a lot more of a put-together person…thank goodness Hawkmon is her partner!

Episode 19 has two interesting things of note that I want to point out -- first of all, starting from the very beginning of the episode, everyone ditches Daisuke because they’re independently going in to infiltrate the Kaiser’s base. Note the complete lack of a plan here whatsoever -- everyone’s just going in on their own -- and the fact that everyone expects Daisuke to come up with what he wants to do on his own. For all it’s worth, even though Daisuke may have a designated protagonist aura to him, within the story itself...nobody actually sees him as a leader at this point in the series (and, to be fair, he’s never really tried to claim the position, either).

It’s similar to how Taichi was never recognized as a particular leader of the Adventure group until Adventure episode 28, but in regards to the full team dynamic, it’s actually inverse -- the Adventure kids were capable of making tactical plans together as early as episode 20, but fell apart emotionally in short order as soon as Taichi was gone, whereas here, the kids are fond enough of each other to hang out socially and support each other emotionally, but they take a while to get any real cohesiveness as a fighting group.

The other is that Iori personally witnesses Takeru’s sudden whiplash into his grudge against the darkness and the Kaiser, and it scares the hell out of him.

Takeru eventually laying a punch on the Kaiser is a pretty awesome moment (and, really, Ken kind of deserved it, so it’s hard to not cheer for him), but it’s also important to note that within the context of the series, this is not a good mental place for Takeru to be in. Iori, the person who should by all means sympathize with hatred of evil things at this point of the series, is still extremely unnerved by Takeru’s actions here, because he’d always seen Takeru as a mature person who’d always kept his composure, only to show a drastically different side of him that he hadn’t even shown a hint of before. That kind of “two-facedness” and emotional repression -- and this way of venting trauma in general -- cannot be good for Takeru at this point in time, and it’s also an important moment for Iori when he later admits during the two’s Jogress arc that he’s having a bit of a hard time understanding him.

And so episode 20 comes, and Chimeramon pretty much takes out the entire party, leading to this conversation.

Takeru: Let's escape. Daisuke: Escape? Takeru: We can't fight anymore. Our mission has failed. We'll retreat and wait for another chance. Hikari: You're right. We have no other choice. Iori: Understood. Daisuke: No. Miyako: Daisuke? Daisuke: We can't just say "another chance" like that. If we leave now, they'll keep attacking anything in sight. We don't know if we'll be able to get into the fortress again. So this is our only chance! Hikari: That's crazy... Iori: Exactly! Miyako: They're all back to their Baby forms... Chibimon: Daisuke... Daisuke: But...didn't you all see it? Destroying those towns...and all we could do was watch quietly. I don't want to see that ever again. I won't let them do whatever they want! So I'm going, even alone. I won't give up now. After getting this far, all I can do is go forward!

Why is this moment important? This is the first time Daisuke has actually stood a firm ground against anyone else in the party -- and not only that, with the entire party standing against him.

Recall that I mentioned earlier that, in spite of Daisuke’s abrasive attitude suggesting otherwise, he actually has a tendency to “deflate” pretty quickly when people tease or criticize him. He spends the first half of the series having a lot more bark than he actually has bite. Earlier in the series, if the entire party were to go against him, he’d be more likely to begrudgingly go along (while complaining) -- in fact, he actually did just that at the beginning of episode 7! But now that push has come to shove, Daisuke’s own sense of morals and bleeding heart have won out. (While his decision here is definitely a bit reckless, he does have a point; if they’d retreated, they might genuinely lose any future chances.) Even with the entire party telling him to pull back, he refuses to accept what they want him to do, and pushes forward.

This is where Daisuke first starts to really make strides towards what becomes his eventual major role in the group as “the one who pulls people forward”. It’s a moment after which the rest of the group themselves also start to treat him with more respect now that he’s proven he’s not just a doormat, and that when it comes to there being a real problem with real priorities, he does have the resolve and initiative to keep going.

Also, a very important point is that he immediately says he’ll go alone if he has to. He doesn’t begrudge the others for wanting to fall back, and has no condescension towards them; he just can’t stand the fact that he himself is being asked to sit it out.

So, you know. Episode 21 happens. Ichijouji Ken goes through some real trauma as Wormmon dies in his arms. And all Daisuke has to say is...

Daisuke: You should go home. There are people who are worried and waiting for you! Go home!

Remember when I pointed out that 02 takes a very unique perspective on Ken’s redemption arc, pointing out the futility of being too trapped in the idea of symbolic penance and focusing more on actively taking steps in the future to make up for and fix things? Here’s our first major sign of this, and Daisuke’s eventual approach to Ken -- Daisuke does not choose to scorn or lambast Ken for what he’s done, even though there are a lot of things Ken deserves to be harped on for, but rather instructs him to take the first active step towards fixing his mistakes, in this case fixing things with his family.

Episode 22 is Daisuke’s own “fanbase will never let him live this down” moment, but there’s still some interesting things to note here. Firstly, Daisuke’s “relapse” happening exactly when it seems like his duty to the Digital World is done and there’s nothing to do besides community service doesn’t seem coincidental, especially when this exact episode actually dedicates a full scene to Takeru, Hikari, and their partners going “...now what?” Secondly, as I touched on earlier, note that Daisuke’s never really seemed to have any resentment against Hikari for not responding to his affections -- in fact, he still considers it his own (and V-mon’s, by extension) duty to be the one to impress her. It’s a surprisingly refreshing take on the “shounen hero with a crush on a girl” trope, because in the end...Daisuke isn’t actually all that possessive of her, he just really wants validation from her, and respects her a lot.

More importantly, though -- note the way Daisuke handles this topic. He’s not actually mad at or resentful of Takeru anymore. In fact, he’s mulling on the topic and wondering what he could do to be on that level. Yup, even when Daisuke’s being shallow and jealous, he’s still learned to handle this issue ever so slightly more maturely than he would have at the beginning of the series.

This is also important because only one episode later, once Daisuke becomes disappointed again at Takeru and Hikari walking off on their own, Miyako intervenes -- not only so that Takeru and Hikari can have their space, but also so that Daisuke can have some genuine fun and something to do. This is a very blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment in episode 24, but it makes it very clear that Miyako was looking out for Daisuke’s welfare, too, and I think it’s very important in light of the events of the prior episode. Miyako, who had always been fumbling on what to do with her emotions, is starting to properly channel them into managing the dynamic between the team and checking in on how everyone’s doing, and that starts to guide her actions and relationships for the rest of the series.

The next episode (25) is where we kick off not only the Jogress arc, but also the arc where we start going into everyone’s attitude towards Ichijouji Ken. This is important not only because Ken happens to be the effective central figure of 02′s story, but also because -- well, remember, 02 is fundamentally founded on the concept of relationships, so it’s only natural that the other kids’ relationship with the “team newcomer” will be a key aspect of the second half, and in relation to their own characters.

Remember how I said that Daisuke’s first-half character involved him being extremely deferential and often deflating whenever he was criticized or someone stood against him? At the time of episode 25, once again, pretty much the entire team is standing against him -- he’s the only one who’s this level of open-minded about getting Ken into the group, and everyone else is showing differing levels of opposition. But while Daisuke doesn’t begrudge the others for thinking this way, he also doesn’t back down, either, and reaches out to Ken on his own because he still really believes in what he’s doing. Now that he’s settled into what it means to be a Chosen Child, he’s started to gain a proper idea of what he wants to do, and what he feels needs to be done.

So, let’s recap everyone’s stances on Ichijouji Ken at the time of this episode!

Daisuke: Forward-thinking and optimistic; willing to believe that Ken should be given the chance to make up for his mistakes and that they should put everything behind him, even to the extent of believing that there’s probably a good reason for the more suspicious aspects about him (prior to the events of episode 25, it was unclear whether Ken was being a bit too callous about killing Digimon). Also the most actively aggressive in reaching out to Ken and trying to get him to join them.

Miyako: Forward-thinking; she openly states at the beginning of the episode that she thinks Ken’s learned his lesson, she’s just worried about whether he’s going to keep doing questionable things in the future (killing Digimon). Once it’s on the table that he’s not just doing this callously, she immediately is on board with him (to the point of even being the first in the group to use given name basis with him), but her stance on what to do with him is more on the edge of “give him space and wait for him to come on his own terms” (she ends the episode saying she’ll be waiting for him to come).

Takeru: States in the episode that he does believe that Ken’s changed, but doesn’t really know what he’s thinking (i.e. too inscrutable to really be sure about). The later episode 35 implies that Takeru was inclined to be a bit more sympathetic than you’d think otherwise, because he understands the trauma of losing a Digimon partner.

Hikari: Wants to wait a little longer and see how things play out. (Remember that Hikari has a known, consistent thread of taking a very passive approach towards things.)

Iori: Absolutely against it on sheer principle.

It should be noted that none of these stances are wrong. Iori sometimes gets a lot of flak for being the one with the most infamously cold stance towards Ken, but when you really think about it, Daisuke and Miyako are very lucky that their hunch about Ken was right and that he actually did happen to be a very kind boy who had a little too much trauma and some supernatural influence. The fact that Ken is a very emotionally withdrawn person for the rest of the series meant that the two of them ended up breaking through to him the most, but there’s nothing wrong with Takeru, Hikari, and Iori’s skepticism; Ken did some pretty shockingly horrible things in front of their eyes for the first half, and it’s entirely within their rights to determine how forgiving they want to be with him.

In any case, we get to episode 26 (the first Jogress), and most of that episode goes without saying, but I do want to emphasize Daisuke’s lines right before it happens.

Daisuke: If you die now, you won't be able to accomplish anything...I don't want that! Ken: I don't want that...There are still many things I must do.

Daisuke urges Ken not to go for the “suicidal penance” route not only because it sucks, but also because, as symbolic as it may be, it’s also counterproductive to the whole point of doing penance to begin with. If Ken really wants to make up for his mistakes, he’s only going to be able to do that if he’s actually alive to do it! There’s only so much you can do by drowning in self-pity by going “because I did this, because I did that” instead of actually taking responsibility for your actions.

02 itself is deliberately ambiguous on how much Ken’s transformation into the Kaiser was Ken’s own conscious will and how much of it was Dark Seed-induced supernatural influence, but one thing it’s consistent about is that it doesn’t really matter. Regardless of what the cause was, Ken did what he did, and it’s his responsibility to make up for it, and the only way to actually do that is to keep moving forward. The fact that Daisuke is so able to viscerally and directly address what Ken needs the most right now is what fuels their first Jogress, and why Daisuke becomes Ken’s closest friend through the rest of the series.

People have pointed out that 02 has a lot of moments of physical hits, but, notably, other than Takeru punching the Kaiser in episode 19 (which he really deserved, honestly), all of these hits are done with the express intent of bringing the other person out of a very, very deep mental abyss (Yamato punching Taichi in episode 10, Daisuke slapping Ken in 26, Miyako slapping Ken in 30, and Miyako and Hikari’s mutual slaps in 31), because they were in a state where words would no longer reach them otherwise. These are all circumstances of the kind where the person on the receiving end understands that they really needed a drastic wake-up call because of how deeply they’d fallen (and these aren’t some average mental abyss problems these kids are getting put through, either). It’s actually hard to imagine any of the 02 group getting in the kind of genuinely angry and vicious fistfights Taichi and Yamato would in Adventure, because of how close they are (the closest being Daisuke and Takeru grappling in episode 11, but it never got near that level) -- in fact, these kinds of things are done with the implication that they’re doing it because they trust the other person to not hold it against them (and in fact, the fact Yamato does this with Taichi in this way is intended to be read as a sign of how much better they’ve come to understand each other).

So, moving on with the series! The Giga House incident in episodes 28-29 is the first time the group works together in an organized effort, which is notable not only because it’s their first time coordinating with Ken, but also because it’s their first time properly coordinating at all. Remember when I mentioned that, back in episode 19, as much as the kids were pretty fond of each other and were great friends, they still hadn’t figured out how to actually fight as a team? Here we are, with them actually having started to figure that process out.

We then get to episode 30, where there’s actually quite a lot of interesting things to unpack.

Miyako: What's wrong with you? Daisuke: E-Eh? Mi-Miyako-san? Miyako: It feels weird when you add the "-san". Daisuke: Shut up! Man, you're all the same!

Miyako and Daisuke’s relationship is often misconstrued considering that they’re the two most chaotic in the group (their temperaments are very similar at times, which causes them a lot of friction), but I also think this blink-and-you’ll-miss it moment is pretty much their actual relationship in a nutshell. They fight a lot, and they’re ostensibly vitriolic, but they’re actually two of the most like-minded in the group -- they banter because they’re comfortable with each other. Recall that I mentioned that Daisuke is normally respectful with his elders, yet he’s the only person in the group who won’t use the -san honorific on Miyako (even though she’s the oldest)...but the one time he gets flustered and uses it on her, she tells him that it’s weird and he needs to cut that out. Or, in other words, “it’s not like you to be weirdly respectful of me like that, we shouldn’t have that kind of distance between us, stop it.”

(It’s also pretty notable that Miyako has never seriously used -kun or any other honorific on Daisuke, even right after meeting him -- the only other person she dropped honorifics on was Iori, whom she’d known prior to the start of the series, but she seems to have deemed Daisuke enough of a fellow disaster child that he merited dropping it.)

This is especially because, right after that, she recruits Daisuke into her plan to get Ken and Iori to get along -- in the end, when things really get serious, the two are incredibly like-minded (look at how in-sync they are when they scheme together).

30 is actually a surprisingly Miyako-centric episode, despite not ostensibly being one. For one, it says a lot that right now, her biggest priority is to get Ken and Iori to get along -- something that has absolutely nothing to do with herself. In episode 14, Miyako freely admitted that she had a tendency to jump to conclusions about people, and that she was shallow about aesthetics, but this is a very different Miyako from the one who harassed Daisuke for Ken’s autograph in episode 8, or immediately became distrusting of Digitamamon in episode 14. Instead, she’s simply just genuinely invested in seeing people she considers friends get along, and in a selfless manner -- one that has nothing to do with herself. She just really, really cares, a lot.

After all of the first-half hubbub of Miyako really having no idea of what to do with her emotions, the second half has her start channeling that energy into what’s always been one of her biggest strengths: checking on, connecting with, and caring about her friends. Daisuke may be an aggressive forward-thinker who can push everyone in the right direction, but unlike his predecessor Taichi, he doesn’t actually have particular charisma or leadership skills that can necessarily hold everyone together. In the absence of that ability, Miyako fills in for him, checking on the moods and feelings on everyone in the team and making sure everyone’s doing well. And that’s why she loses her temper and slaps Ken late in the episode -- because, really, she’s reached her limit on her “give him space” philosophy when he’s abusing it to be standoffish in a crisis situation, and, on top of that, she really, really did have a huge emotional investment in him.

Moving onto more Miyako in episode 31, her Jogress episode with Hikari, we get to see a little bit of the old emotionally compromised Miyako again, but -- much like the second Digimentals arc -- it involves the two of them acknowledging that both of them are not going about things the best way, and that there are things they can learn from the other.

Hikari: Miyako-san, you're a handful sometimes. Miyako: I knew that's what you thought of me... Hikari: But...I've always envied that. Miyako: Huh? Hikari: Because I can't be honest and say I'm scared or scream like you.

Miyako’s tendency to lose control emotionally results in her being insensitive much of the time, which she calls herself out on multiple times during the episode, and she can’t always be as “kind” as Hikari is -- but, on the flip side, her antics are something that can be a “light” (pun not intended) towards those who are falling in a bad mental state or into the darkness, and Hikari even acknowledges this when one of her trains of thought makes her break out into laughter. Miyako ultimately manages to get through to Hikari this way at the end of the episode, which results in a Jogress and mutual growth for both of them -- Miyako puts more thought into how to approach others (it’s pointed out at the end that she’s still thinking about understanding Ken and Hikari better), and Hikari gains more resolve and determination to fight against things instead of passively accepting her fate (she tells Takeru very directly at the end "I’m fine now. I’ll never go there again.”).

Iori and Takeru's Jogress is a little more complicated to the point where it spans multiple episodes, but a lot of it ends up having to do with the fact that the events of the BlackWarGreymon arc start really putting Iori's black-and-white principles into conflict -- it's wrong to kill something that's been proven to be alive, but it's also wrong to be evil. Putting a huge nail in that is that there's a stake in him forming a relationship with Takeru, but he doesn't really understand Takeru either -- the "two-facedness" he witnessed back in episode 19 scares even him, and he's so intimidated by Takeru that, in episode 35, he goes to approach Yamato about Takeru's past instead of asking the person directly. Takeru, hearing about this, complains that he could have just asked directly, but admits he understands why Iori did so.

By the way, I should point out that episode 35 is the last time within the TV series that Daisuke is portrayed as having a particular interest in Hikari, and it’s just in terms of being slightly more excited that Hikari is joining his meeting. At this point, there are actual important things happening in the Digital World, and he needs to take care of Ken, too, and so...in the end, once again, Daisuke proves that he’s actually capable of putting aside those kinds of more shallow things when he really needs to.

On top of that, this is when the kids start actively working with Ken in the real world (and, if post-02 materials are any indication, continue to hang out with him even for social outings). The choice to have Ken live in Tamachi instead of Odaiba facilitated his isolation from the group during the Kaiser arc, and during around the third quarter they were all grouping up in the Digital World anyway, but the fourth quarter actually has the kids make an attempt to include Ken in their real-world outings despite the distance. Tamachi is not temporally far from Odaiba (approximately half an hour by train), but it’s a bit of a nuisance to get to, requiring crossing a bridge to/from the Tokyo mainland and paying extra for the Yurikamome. But at this point, he’s an important enough friend to them -- and them important enough friends to him -- that they’ll make it work.

At the end of episode 35, Iori finally decides -- to the point of recklessness, something that would have been previously very uncharacteristic of him -- to try and appeal directly to BlackWarGreymon to get him to stop destroying the Holy Stones so that they won’t have to fight. It’s emblematic of Iori’s heart being genuinely torn, because he’s having such a difficult time rationalizing all of these conflicting feelings. This comes to a head in episode 36, when Iori loses his temper at the rest of the group for “playing around”, but Armadimon snaps him back to reality to remind him that they’re tired and hungry, and this can’t be neglected. Iori himself ultimately becomes the one to proactively suggest that they take time to sit down and eat, indicating that -- little by little -- he’s starting to shift his thinking a bit, after being so incredibly stubborn for much of the series.

This is what leads to Iori and Takeru’s Jogress at the end of the episode, now that Iori is flexible enough in thinking to understand the emotional id behind Takeru’s mentality. And likewise, Takeru’s started to loosen up by 36, too --

Takeru: Sure, darkness is frightening, and we would feel at ease if we could get rid of it completely, but I'm sure that's impossible. Ken: Impossible? Takeru: Where there's light, there's always darkness. Hikari: The brighter the light, the darker the shadow, right? Takeru: Yes. That's why I think it's important not to lose sight of the light inside you, no matter how dark it is.

The thing about Takeru is that while he deceptively seemed more open and playful than Hikari for most of the series, he was actually bottling up a lot of emotions in a way not entirely different from the way she did. (Note how, despite how tied at the hip the two constantly are, they almost never actually talk about their thoughts on each other; it feels like a relationship where they implicitly trust each other but are practically reliant on that implicit trust to maintain that close of a friendship at all.) And he’s been keeping those emotions bottled up until they exploded in less-than-healthy ways, initially distancing himself from Iori. But being a lot more open about his thoughts on the matter allowed them to connect better, and eventually Takeru came to embrace a somewhat more reasonable stance on the matter after observing Iori.

It also doesn’t seem like coincidence that this is the episode that ends with Takeru’s first major act of goodwill towards Ken.

This leads into episode 38, the Christmas episode. Fun things to note!

The episode opens with Daisuke and the other younger kids giving a “Christmas present” to their seniors in the form of letting them reunite with their partners. Remember how I said that the 02 kids always admired their seniors and looked up to them? Even this late in the series, the series does not shy away from the fact you’re supposed to see the 02 kids as their deferential juniors.

The Christmas party is, of course, notably, the first major moment of reconciliation between Iori and Ken, with Iori having gone through major harsh lessons about morality in the last few episodes, and Ken opening up more to the rest of the group. Said party is also yet another notable example of how much of a priority it is for the 02 kids to be “social life friends” and not just friends working as a Digimon incident team -- after all, having genuinely emotionally present friends is what Ken needs most in his life right now, considering that the party is treated as the first time he’s been truly happy in a long while.

This is followed by episode 39, which is notable as the time when Daisuke finally commits to switching to given-name basis for Ken, and actually opens the episode standing against Taichi -- because he's so worried about Ken that he needs to go join him. This is something that's lost a bit in translation, but although Daisuke stands down against Taichi, he's not rude nor does he overstep his boundaries with his respected senior (he even opens his statement in polite-form Japanese) -- he's just saying, firmly and politely, "I'm sorry, but I can't go, I have to go help my friend." It��s a notable moment because while Daisuke has been becoming increasingly assertive and aware of what he really wants to do, this is the first time we’re actually seeing him refuse to defer to the very senior he’d spent so much of the series idolizing and looking up to.

We get to episodes 43-45 (the Demon mini-arc), which is also the culmination of the 02 kids having to face the limits of pacifism. This tends to throw off people who are coming in from Adventure, since the Adventure kids ended up killing Digimon with a lot more ease in the original series, but it’s also important to make note of the fact that the episode itself deliberately portrays a gap in mentality between the Adventure and the 02 kids -- with Hikari torn between the two. It also creates an interesting subversion of expectations when Hikari, the one you’d expect to be more on the pacifist side, is the one who’s already accepted that it may be inevitable, whereas Miyako, the more aggressive and belligerent one, is the one staunchly against it.

The reason for this “paradox” comes out of a single line from Hikari in episode 44:

Hikari: You’re the one who saved him, Miyako-san.

The Adventure kids never liked killing. They were never enthusiastic about it -- it was just that they were almost immediately put in a situation where the entire fate of the multiverse was at stake thanks to some unambiguously evil Digimon who wanted nothing but wanton destruction. Even then, it was pretty clear that they never enjoyed it -- Takeru professed a desire to avoid fighting in Adventure episode 12, and the pacifist Mimi went through a breakdown in Adventure episodes 45-50 trying to avoid casualties. But one of the most important lessons Mimi learned at the time was that pacifism has its limits -- there’s no point if it ends up in more deaths than it saves, because at that point you’re adhering to moralistic principles more than you’re actually saving lives.

The fact that the Adventure kids and the 02 kids have a “different mentality” isn’t just happenstance, but outright embraced. Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori never had to actually deal with a conscious Digimon that was unambiguously evil for most of the series, and Archnemon revealing that her motives were pretty much nothing but wanton destruction in episode 29 was the first major warning signal to Iori that his pacifism might have limits. And during this Demon mini-arc, it’s not like these Digimon are threatening multiverse destruction or anything -- it really does seem like a constant “glimmer of hope” that maybe, just maybe, they can save people non-lethally. Alas, they can’t.

Daisuke, being someone who’s inherently practical-minded, starts entertaining the idea that push may come to shove as early as episode 25, and finally makes his first statement about practical limits in episode 43. But the more emotionally caught-up Miyako and Iori end up taking another episode to swallow it, and they don’t take it well. Most of the attention in 44 is given to Miyako, and it reconfirms that, despite her aggressive exterior, she’s emotionally sensitive and empathetic -- and while killing LadyDevimon is framed as truly the only thing that could have been done in that situation, Miyako is not faulted for being emotionally compromised, nor is Iori likewise when he faces a similar situation with Takeru and is forced to confront the people whose lives were at stake.

Episode 45, when Ken opens the gate to the Dark Ocean, doesn’t really have much to add on top of what’s already there, but this is basically “the point of no return” when everyone confirms their own emotional investment in Ken and understanding that he’s not just reformed, he’s genuinely struggling under the pain of what’s been happening -- and this is before they find out about the truth behind the Dark Seeds, and that Ken’s transformation into the Kaiser may have been supernaturally influenced, too.

It’s also interesting to see the different ways each kid reacts to Ken as they support him:

Hikari, the most outwardly compassionate, goes to support him the second she notices him in physical pain; Takeru notices that it might work, realizes Ken needs the support, and joins.

Iori and Miyako reflect on how Ken’s putting all of his efforts in, and lambast themselves before joining. Interestingly, given the circumstances behind what’s happened up until now, Iori and Miyako criticizing themselves take a different meaning -- Iori, who’d been scornful of Ken until recently, seems to be regretting that he distrusted him when Ken had been trying so hard, while Miyako, who had been open to him since episode 25, seems to be upset that she’s sitting there and not doing enough when he’s in all of this pain.

And Daisuke, of course, the most “forward-thinking” of them all, gives Ken a speech about what he’s done so far and reminds him that he’s already done more than enough for “atonement” -- which is, of course, what directly reaches Ken the most.

And when we get to episode 46, and the kids, now knowing about the Dark Seeds, hold a roundtable (and emotional support group) to discuss what to do about the Dark Seeds, Daisuke’s the one with the most spirit and energy about it, but...

...the one actually leading the roundtable? Miyako.

Miyako: Sorry, that's all I can think of. Ken: Please don't worry about me. Miyako: (nods)

It’s subtle, but the scene in question does actually make a deliberate move in indicating that Miyako’s continuing to channel her emotional sensitivity and desire to go out of her way to help Ken -- of course, they all know how traumatic this is for him, but she’s the one who’s actively calling attention to how he must feel about it first and foremost.

Episodes 47 and after end up becoming yet another major wake-up call for Iori (seriously, I do not understand why people claim he had no character arc when this wasn’t even remotely subtle) when he learns that Oikawa, whom he’d pinned as “evil”, has a deep relationship with the father he’d grown up idolizing so much, and it completely flips his world around -- even though he had started to get a bit more open-minded, he’s still trying to rationalize what should have been, in his mind, two diametrically opposite things. It fuels his confusion and desperate desire to understand more, not just about Oikawa, but about everything he’d thought about morality and why people turn to evil.

So we get to the final arc of the series, and it involves a confrontation with BelialVamdemon -- but said finale is heavily dependent on talking to the Dark Seed children and inspiring hope back into them. This results in a conversation where everyone talks about their career dreams, and Daisuke admits that he wants to be...a ramen chef, which completely blindsides even his friends.

What’s with this arc?, you might think. And moreover, why is Daisuke ending the series still kind of an idiot? Even Miyako still seems to be a bit of a mess and chaotic. Weren’t they supposed to be growing into dignified heroes, like Taichi and his friends were last series?

Well, here’s the thing -- the fact that the 02 kids end the series comparatively “undignified” is actually very inherent to the core theme of 02 itself. There were more than enough episodes that established that said kids are heroic in their own way -- caring about others, fighting on others’ behalf, and learning important lessons about what’s important to fight about. That doesn’t mean they don’t get the right to continue being disaster children while they’re at it.

Why?

Let’s look at a few official statements behind the creation and intent behind 02 as a series. From producer Seki Hiromi, from the Digimon Animation Chronicle:

That came from an idea I had while reading a newspaper article. I read a story about a nine-year-old boy going to Columbia University, and I thought, “This boy is going to college because he’s considered a genius, and everyone around him will be in their twenties, and he won’t get to have any friends his age. What kind of life would this boy end up having?”

Or some very interesting statements from head writer Yoshimura Genki from the 02 Blu-ray box:

When I was writing Ken Ichijouji, the main idea for him I used as a basis was the conflict between “the self that has to be a well-behaved child when adults are watching” and “being able to be oneself”, and the pain that came from it as a result. So for instance, in the same way as the Pinnocchio fairytale, or the short story A.I. that was adapted into a movie, or many other works, there are probably universal worries that all children feel as they grow, but also, there were ongoing unimaginable, atrocious incidents happening with children at the time, and perhaps it was those social conditions that gave me a hint on what to do. I think I had some thoughts that I wanted to convey to the children who were living through that time. I was given the opportunity to put those kinds of feelings, as much as I liked, into episode 23, and I am truly grateful to all of the staff, including the director. ... Also, this is about Daisuke’s character, but I believe I paid particular attention to making him “a child who could be himself”. He has no special talents, and although he’s clumsy and scatterbrained, I wanted him to be someone whose strength was in his straightforwardness, and wrote him that way.

Lying underneath the entirety of 02 itself is a theme about “children who are not allowed to be children”. Or, in other words, the pressure placed on children to be “talented” and “dignified” and “well-behaved”, often imposed on them by well-meaning parents who are unfortunately taking the opportunity to stroke their own ego, robbing them of the happiness and mental freedoms they should have as kids.

Ichijouji Osamu and Ken, who were placed under the pressure to be “genius children” and cracked under the pressure to please their parents. Oikawa Yukio, who was cut off from the Digital World in childhood by a well-meaning Hida Chikara, worried about his son getting into “foolish” talk. The Dark Seed children, who also fell victim to similar pressures that Ken did, and lost hope for life unless they could force themselves into that mold.

Takeru: If you want the Digimon to exist, if you believe in that, they will. Just like our feelings...Just like every child having the power to make their dreams come true. Keiko: That's just childish. Daisuke: You all have dreams for the future, don't you? Noriko: Dreams for the future? Takashi: I've forgotten that stuff. Daisuke: No way! You must have one! Takeru: It's nothing to be ashamed of. Takashi: Then, what's your dream? Daisuke: Mine? Mine's a ramen shop. I love ramen! I'll become the world's best ramen maker! Ken: I had no idea... Noriko: Well...actually, I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. Hikari: Me too. Daisuke: What about you guys? Takashi: A baseball player! Keiko: I really want to be a pastry chef. Hiroshi: When I said I wanted to be a manga artist, everyone laughed, so I gave up... Takashi: We all had aspirations, and at some point we thought that wasn't allowed...But we were wrong, right? Daisuke: Let people say whatever they want! Noriko: You're right, we should be free to dream. Miyako: Not just dreaming. If you work hard, your dreams will surely come true!

Notice something about all of these careers mentioned? They’re all the kind of “overly childish” “wild dream” “undignified” “too simple” kinds of dreams that an average parent might be uncomfortably quick to shoot down because that’s “not good enough”. These are the kids who willingly accepted the Dark Seeds; they, much like Ken, probably grew up under parents who prioritized school performance and other “societally dignified” things that ended up eating away at their happiness.

02 has a lot of different themes, but the one that lies in its undercurrent from start to finish is “so why does a child have to be this way? As long as they still understand what’s important, do they have to be dignified people? Why can’t they just be free to have dreams and be themselves?” And Daisuke and his friends are there specifically to stand up against this mentality, and to remind Ken and the other victims of it that it doesn’t have to be this way -- that it’s okay to be your true self, and be a child, and not succumb to all of those arbitrary, shallow standards people put on you. Even if that means you’re still a bit of a chaotic disaster at the tender age of eleven.

Digimon, in the Adventure and 02 universe, have always been treated like a part of the self (they were literally conceived as a physical manifestation of the soul), but in 02 they gain an extra meaning of representing “the inner, deepest part of yourself that represents your wildest ‘childish’ dreams”. The symbolism of Ken spending the first half of the series trying to reject Wormmon for being “weak” -- in other words, rejecting his own kind-hearted self for not being the kind of “strong” entity he was pressured and groomed into being -- is not lost, nor that of the Dark Seed children gaining partners when they reconnect with their dreams and wishes, nor Oikawa finally, finally meeting his partner when he comes into contact with the past he’d really lost (and especially not the fact that his attempt to reclaim shallow reminders of said childhood involved trying to make his own Digimon).

And notably, the series’s finale (prior to the epilogue) ends not on Daisuke but on Iori, escorting Oikawa to the Digital World despite how completely impossible it would have been for early-series Iori to even entertain the idea, finally coming to truly understand what happened with him and being most personally impacted by his death.

But in any case, where are we with the characters? We’re here to talk about how they’ve grown and developed over the course of the series. Let’s recap:

Daisuke: Started off the series as an abrasive kid with more bark than actual bite, constantly deferring to others and easily deflating, relying on shallow sources of validation like wanting attention from Hikari; gradually gained an ability to identify what was important and put his foot down for it, embraced his forward-thinkingness to reach out to a heavily troubled child as a friend, and ended up surrounded by a friend group that loves and respects him.

Miyako: Started off the series as a shallow, flighty girl with poor control over her emotions and difficulty in appreciating the gravity of things; came to channel her emotional range into empathy for others and compassion, bringing other people together and taking care of them.

Iori: Started off the series as a straight-laced but too principled child who stuck to “rules of what’s right” not only in morality but also in way of acting; started to appreciate the emotional nuances and heart behind why people do what they do and how it’s possible to be more flexible in “doing good”.

Ken: Well, his character arc is pretty obvious, but -- again, while his arc of learning to forgive himself is well-known, less often pointed out is that it centers very heavily on not only having penance but also not being too hung up on the past, and the futility of drowning in self-pity and regret instead of choosing to take responsibility and act more productively going forward.

Takeru: Started off the series as a seemingly mature but deceptively inscrutable character whose duality made him hard to approach; eventually opened up with the help of others and showed a capacity for being more flexible with his personal grudges.

Hikari: Started off the series emotionally repressive and passive to the point of self-destruction; eventually embraced connections with her other friends and became more active in taking a stand for herself.

Hey, not bad!

And, again, this is not a series you should be reading in terms of “self-awareness” in the same way Adventure was, but in the sense of their “relationships” and how they interact with others. By being less abrasive and more assertive, Daisuke gained the respect of his other friends. By putting her emotional capacity into caring about others, Miyako became someone who holds the group together. By learning to think a little more flexibly and be less stubborn, Iori arrived at a position where he could more easily sympathize with others in the group. Takeru and Hikari both moved from their previously relatively inscrutable positions to ones who could more effectively interact with and open up to others. And Ken, of course, became someone who managed to integrate himself into a group of true “friends” despite everything he had done against them in the first half.

This, in the end, is how you get what’s one of the tightest friend groups in Digimon history. In the end, the relationships themselves are almost like characters of their own that got development -- I say very often that you could take two of the characters and have an excellent scope of how they’d interact and play off each other by the end of the series. And although they end the series as possibly one of the most shameless, undignified disaster groups out there...they’re certainly still heroic, and in any case, given the lessons they learned throughout their own series, they probably wouldn’t have it any other way.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #shihameta

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Eddie Redmayne on ‘Red,’ the Tonys, and Color Blindness

By BlackBook Published: June 3, 2010

At 28, Eddie Redmayne has perfected a look of fresh-faced innocence masking inner commotion. He’s invoked the expression for various roles, as the chilling young murderer Alex Forbes in Like Minds and as a downward-spiraling, matricide-committing homosexual opposite Julianne Moore in Savage Grace. On stage, he’s played the emotionally charged boy whose architect father falls in love with a goat in Edward Albee’s The Goat, or Who Is Sylvia? Redmayne keeps a copy of the play with him in his current dressing room at the Golden Theater, where he’s starring in the Tony Award-nominated play Red alongside Alfred Molina. Redmayne, who nabbed one of those noms himself (for Best Performance by a Featured Actor), plays another permutation of the plotting innocent—not a murderer, but no less intense as the fictional assistant to abstract expressionist painter Mark Rothko (Molina). We caught up with the actor to discuss the fate of Rothko’s famous murals, his own color blindness, and what he’s wearing to the Tonys.

I saw the play last night and am still recovering. It was intense! How do you do it night after night? Well, last night I had some friends in so I ended up going for some drinks after and I woke up this morning with a slightly filthy hangover. So I punished myself by doing tax receipts.

What drew you to the play? I assume it had something to do with your background studying art in college. Well, the theater in [London’s] Donmar Warehouse where the play started is one of the great gems of theaters in the world, and Michael Grandage, who runs it, is a wonderful man. I’ve seen a lot of his work for many years, and I’ve worked at the Donmar before, but never under him. So when the idea of a two-handed play specifically about art—the idea that the arts matters—came up, it was one of those rare moments where everything that I was interested in and engaged in kind of collided, a wonderful little moment of fate.

The play focuses on the murals Rothko painted for the Seagram building before he changed his mind about giving them up. A few ended up in the Tate Modern. Isn’t the museum naturally lit, which would seem to go against Rothko’s wishes? The story is that once he withdrew the commissions he had—I think it was 35 canvases— all the museums in the world wanted to get their hands them. So obviously, Rothko was very tentative about who he would give them to. And one of the guys was Sir Norman Reed, who was the curator of the Tate, and for ten years Norman Reed would swear to Rothko that they would build or create special rooms specifically for them at the Tate Britain—this was before the Tate Modern existed. The wall color would be as prescribed by Rothko, the lighting would be exactly as he wanted, and eventually Rothko agreed to that. So ten years after the end of the play, the same day that the Seagram murals arrived off the boat in London, Sir Norman Reed got a call that Rothko had been found by his assistant with his wrists slit. So the answer is that some of these murals, which were originally in the Tate Britain, are now in the Tate Modern in a room that is lit properly.

Alfred Molina had source material to draw on as Rothko, but your character Ken is fictitious. Where did you find your inspiration? What’s interesting is subsequent to doing the play in America, I got a letter from a woman called Virginia Foster, who is the widow of a guy called Dan Rice, and he was Rothko’s assistant during the Seagram murals. And whilst the character is not based on him, Virginia sent me this transcript of him talking about working for Rothko. And weirdly, even though I’ve done the play in London and done it here, reading the transcript reinforced some of the character. But I approached it the way I approach any character—I see what’s in the text and flesh it out with references from life. And certainly, I’ve had experiences with elder actors and bosses in the past who I’ve had complex and tricky relationships with.

There’s a scene where Ken is talking to someone on the phone, trying to decide whether to show Rothko his own paintings. Who was he talking to? That’s a very good question. I think it’s his girlfriend, and John Logan (the writer) thinks it’s his boyfriend. It remains a bone of contention between the two of us.

You did your college dissertation on Yves Klein, who was a big advocate of blue. [Laughs] So this is the sequel.

As an art lover, do you have a color preference? The color that Yves Klein does. Wet paint has a luminosity that dies when it dries and it loses the gloss. So Yves created this color scientifically that retains that luminosity. He was a big showman, so he got it copyrighted. The color is called IKB—International Klein Blue. And it sounds all bullshit-y and ridiculous, but when you stand in front of those canvases, the color is sublime and dumbfounding. So that specific color is my favorite color in the world. Are you going to follow this up with a colorblind question?

No, wasn’t planning on it, but if you want to discuss it. No, I talk passionately about that color and then people go “but you’re colorblind.” And I go, “I know. I don’t know what I see but I see it and I like it.”

You must have some confidence because you already have the Olivier award for this role. Are you nervous about the Tonys? Do you know what? It’s amazing how many award ceremonies there are in America. Am I nervous about the Tonys? Genuinely, the nomination was completely beyond anything I’ve ever thought about.

You’re being so diplomatic. I wanted to ask who you consider to be your biggest competition. Frustratingly, one problem with doing plays here is that you don’t get to see anything because your schedule doesn’t allow it. But I’ve met all the guys and I’ve heard extraordinary things about Stephen in Fences and Stephen Kunken in Enron is meant to be wonderful. Do you have your outfit picked out? I do. A couple of years ago I did some work with Christopher Bailey who runs Burberry. I’m a huge fan of his so I’m going to be cut out in British Burberry.

So what’s next? I see there’s something called The Pillars of the Earth? I’m actually really excited about it. It’s a huge epic medieval story that was a book by Ken Follett and it was one of Oprah’s favorite books and was subsequently a massive international bestseller. It’s being aired on the Starz network in July. It’s an 8-hour miniseries and I play this young boy who is mute and has grown up in the forest and who, over eight hours, becomes a master builder. So it’s about apprenticeship and craft and it’s also set in a historical time, with monarchs changing and war. What I’ve seen looks spectacular.

https://blackbookmag.com/archive/eddie-redmayne-on-red-the-tonys-and-color-blindness/

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kumikoumae-archive · 4 years

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what are some underrated anime you’ve watched that you’d rec? also continue more pls with any slice of life / rom com type anime. If you had non high school settings that’d be great too 😭

Underrated:

Higashi no Eden (action, sci fi, thriller, romance, drama) i see this in almost every ‘underrated anime list’ so maybe it’s not as underrated as everyone thinks lol...

Hourou Musuko (drama, slice of life) this is a very short anime about a trans girl (it’s in a high school setting but the story is very different from any high school anime because it deals a lot with gender issues and gender norms and stuff) very heartbreaking but also very sweet. the animation is stunning.

TSURITAMA (comedy, sci fi, slice of life) aka The Fishing Anime. idek how to explain this anime?? it’s super weird. a guy with anxiety issues befriends an outgoing alien and an angry boy and together they learn to fish? there is a duck named tapioca?? none of my friends have ever watched it even tho i have been bothering them abt it for years lol

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru (sports, drama, comedy) HAIKYUU BUT IN COLLEGE. lol no. all jokes aside this is a very interesting sports anime. a guy recruits 10 (unwilling) colleagues to run a marathon with him. The most interesting part of this one for me was watching them evolve not only their running but also their relationships with each other.

Kyousou Giga (fantasy, supernatural) very underrated but i understand why people may not like this one. this anime is off. the. shits. when you think you understand what is happening nothing makes sense again. all i can say is that this anime is about family. that’s it.

Punch Line (comedy, ecchi, supernatural) dont let the ‘ecchi’ category fool you. this anime is a masterpiece. i think it ended too fast, it needed at least two more episodes for a very satisfying ending but i loved it anyway. i also dont know how to explain this anime tho lol... The main character’s spirit gets separated from his body if he sees a girl’s panties? but if he sees it twice the whole world will explode?? time travel? body swapping? super powers? “Punch Line follows Yuuta as he unravels the mysteries surrounding Korai House, its residents, and a villainous organization attempting to end the world. Will Yuuta be able to save everyone, or will the ever-present threat of panties result in their doom?“ this was written in myanimelist and yeah...

Mushishi (slice of life, mystery, supernatural) i dont really consider this underrated... a lot of people have watched this but no one talks about it anymore. This anime has a very unique vibe. It’s mysterious and unnerving but at the same time it is heartwarming and soft...

Rom com: (tbh i havent watched many romcoms)

Wotakoi. this one is a classic, i was a skeptic before i started it but the comedy is gold. Romance in the work place with the bonus of Everyone being a fucking otaku but trying to hide it.

Servant x Service. much like wotakoi this one is also abt romance in the workplace. tbh i watched it in 2013 so i dont really remember much about it other than the fact that i really enjoyed it

Danna ga Nani wo Itteiru ka Wakaranai Ken. THIS ONE!!! THIS ONE!!!! each episode has like 4 minutes so if you really dont know what to watch and you dont want to commit to anything too seriously go watch danna ga nani. It’s about the married life of a woman and her otaku husband. It is The Cutest thing you will ever watch.

Another slice of life i have to recommend is Sangatsu no Lion, i still havent watched season 2, but i can definitely say this anime is a masterpiece. We follow the main character as he struggles with depression. it’s a very accurate portrayal of depression and watching Rei make progress towards recovery is truly a stunning experience. The supporting cast is amazing. the animation is very unique. you can feel the moments of loneliness in your soul because the animation perfectly conveys the mood of each scene. And the heartwarming scenes feel so special... damn, maybe i should watch season 2 now

One more: Sora yori mo Tooi Basho (adventure, comedy, drama) 4 girls go to antarctica!!! That’s it!!!

#im sorry i dont have more romcoms #now i want to rewatch all of these..#but specially tsuritama and hourou musuko #answered #gi talks #higashi no eden #hourou musuko #tsuritama #run with the wind #kyousou giga #punchline #mushishi #wotakoi #servant x service #danna ga nani #sangatsu no lion #a place further than the universe #Anonymous

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crazy-loca-blog · 3 years

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Heyyyy! Guess what? It's time for another round of the newlyweds game! Don't forget to answer as them ;)

For Both

What’s the most embarrassing childhood story you know about your spouse?

What did they want to be when they were younger?

What was your spouse's favorite band in high school?

Describe your spouse in high school using memes or/and gifs only.

How old was your spouse when they had their first kiss? Who was it with?

If you two were the same age and had met in college, how would you have met? Would you have liked each other? Dated? Eventually married?

Which of your spouse's friends is the most attractive?

Who was your spouse's hero when they were growing up?

Can you name all your spouse’s exes before you?

Masterlist

Casey: So now I'm a little scared...

Ethan: Why?

Casey: Because I know I've told you a lot of things about me, but I don't know how many embarrassing stories my brother has told you about me, so this might be dangerous

Ethan: Well, you're about to find out, sweetheart... just remember… "revenge is sweet", so choose your words wisely...

Casey: Ethan...

Ethan: What?

Casey: I love you...

Ethan: I love you too, but it's too late to convince me to not tell your darkest secrets...

Casey: Well, i tried... this is war, Ramsey...

What’s the most embarrassing childhood story you know about your spouse?

Casey: ...it may involve a teddy bear...

Ethan: *rolling his eyes* ...and here we go again...

Casey: ...but I'm going to go with the moment you realized you couldn't make a pancake... you were 12. Poor Ethan was so sad because he was learning how to cook and he wanted to impress this girl, Lucy, so he decided to make some pancakes... and he failed...

Ethan: I wasn't trying to impress anyone, I was just trying to be a good friend. Lucy and I used to go to school together. That day, she picked me up earlier, when I was still cooking breakfast for me and my dad, so I invited her to have breakfast with us. That’s all.

Casey: Well, that's not what your dad says...

Ethan: As well as your brother... what about rebellious Casey who decided to lock herself in an office in nursery school because she missed her mom?

Casey: *surprised* I can't believe he told you that! In my defense, I really, really missed my mom.

Ethan: Casey, you were 3 years old and were locked in that office for about an hour... not even your brother could convince you to leave the room!

Casey: Because I didn't want my brother, I wanted my mom...

Ethan: Funny thing is that you were so embarrassed after that moment that it took you a week to go back to school because you couldn't face anyone.

Casey: Guilty as charged.

What did they want to be when they were younger?

Casey: A detective, he always wanted to solve mysteries.

Ethan: She always wanted to become a doctor or a nurse to help people.

What was your spouse's favorite band in high school?

Casey: Not only my man is an old guy, but he is an old soul too... he liked, and he still likes, Queen.

Ethan: Even though her list is pretty extensive, she was obsessed with Amy Winehouse in her teen years.

Describe your spouse in high school using memes or/and gifs only.

Ethan: Again, what are those things? Aren't they the same thing?

Casey: Nope, they aren't... GIFs are the images in movement..

Ethan: Oh, OK, I get it... this one

Casey: *laughing* OMG, I love it! This is hillarious! I'm impressed... good job, babe! here is yours...

Ethan: Yeah, I can’t tell I have changed...

How old was your spouse when they had their first kiss? Who was it with?

Ethan: I couldn't believe it when she told me, but then her brother confirmed the story... *laughing* she doesn't remember it!

Casey: If the story is as my brother tells it, I was 5 years old, Ethan! How am I supposed to remember it?

Ethan: Well, your brother seems to remember it very well...

Casey: But I don't remember it and the boy involved in this situation doesn't remember it either, so I don't know if it was an awful experience that we both erased from our memories or if it never happened at all. Anyway... his first kiss was at the age 13 with... Lucy, the pancakes girl! See, babe? You did have a crush on her after all!

If you two were the same age and had met in college, how would you have met? Would you have liked each other? Dated? Eventually married?

Casey: We've talked about this! We both agree that we would have met in medical school. We would have been very competitive, but after a while we would have realized that we were stronger together, so we'd become study buddies... and we wouldn’t have noticed that we had feelings for each other until people started telling us how cute we looked together...

Ethan: We would have dated during med school, but none of us is certain that our relationship may have survived our residencies... keeping a serious relationship when you’re in a residency and then working as a doctor is very complicated and we don’t know if we would have been mature enough to handle things well... we see it every day in our friends and colleagues, that’s why we know it takes a lot of work. So we’d say our current timing is perfect.

Which of your spouse's friends is the most attractive?

Casey: Harper Emery... I mean, have you seen how gorgeous that woman is? If we weren't married, I would have definitely shipped them.

Ethan: You what?

Casey: Ship you, Ethan... I'd be rooting for you to go back together and rekindle your relationship.

Ethan: No, thank you... life has taught me to not try to fix what's already broken

Casey: Well, your turn...

Ethan: Lahela... the man is a Ken doll and he owns it!

Casey: *laughing* WHAT?!?! You have no idea about what you've done! Bryce is going to tease you forever! Mark my words!

Ethan: I’m beginning to regret my answer... can I change it to Varma, Greene, Trinh or any of you friends then?

Casey: *laughing* no way!

Who was your spouse's hero when they were growing up?

Ethan: Her brother, no doubt.

Casey: His dad, no doubt.

Can you name all your spouse’s exes before you?

Ethan: She has never wanted to tell me their names... and honestly, I couldn’t care less, I'm sure they’re all assholes... so I'll say jerk #1, douchebag #2 and I don’t know if I should include son of a... #3, who Casey thought was her boyfriend until he suddenly showed up with another girl and introduced her as his girlfriend.

Casey: When little Ethan was learning a thing or two about love, he was kind of a jerk to three poor girls that he considered his “girlfriends” but in fact, they were a joke to him. His dad knew about this behavior and he got SO MAD at him that he quickly learned his lesson on how he was supposed to treat a girl. So, after that incident and life lesson, there were Susan and Lauren in high school, Kristin in med school, and then his on and off relationship with Harper.

#newlyweds game with your host bree #newlyweds ask game #answered asks #messrprongs #newlyweds game

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melodyalanaroster · 4 years

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Graduation Day

“Wakey! Wakey! Eggs and bakey!” Agatha called as she knocked on the bedroom door. In the few weeks since Nathaniel and Amber had home from Weathering, Death’s Domain had become quite lively. Nathaniel moved in, Alana finally introduced him to Viktor and Severina, the Roster Family crowded the Black Tower, and everyone began to prepare for Alana’s graduation.

What Agatha didn’t quite know was that the two masters of Death’s Domain were already awake and finishing up a rather long, hot, shower. “Lady Melody, Lord Nathaniel, Miss Agatha is at the bedroom door. Breakfast is ready.” JARVIS announced. Nathaniel turned the water off, wrapped Alana in a towel and sat her down on the seat. “Tell them we’ll be down in a few minutes.” He called as he grabbed his towel. “Yes sir.” the A.I. replied. Alana giggled as she caught her breath. “Your family has become crazier than usual over this.” Nathaniel chuckled as he sat down next to her. “Well, you know why.” She smiled. “Yeah, I know.” He kissed her head and held her close. They held each other for a little while before JARVIS reminded them that breakfast was on the table again. “Alright! Alright! We’re coming!” Alana called, annoyed.

“It’s about time you two came to eat!” Agatha called as they descended the stairs. Agatha, Lynne and Nate were bustling around the kitchen. Sam and Ken were sitting in the living room playing video games. Sam shot Alana a look. “Someone got shower sex.” She snickered. “Good girl.” Lynne smiled. Nathaniel began to blush and act nervous. “Honey, you knew this was going to happen.” Alana laughed as she went into the kitchen, filled her plate with food, grabbed a bottle of coffee from the fridge and sat down at the dining room table. “I’ve just got to get used to it.” Nathaniel sighed as he walked into the kitchen to fill his plate. “It’ll be alright, Son.” Lynne smiled as she patted him on the back. “Don’t worry kid, it’ll come naturally.” Nate chuckled. Nathaniel took his plate and joined Alana. “Who all is going to be there?” He asked. “Let’s see... Mom, Nate, Agatha, Sam, Ken, Viktor and Severina will all be at the graduation ceremony. Then us kids are going to the Crowstorm concert tonight... Then the parties will start. The entire tower is going to celebrate tonight, but you and I will be joining our family and friends at the house in Weathering tomorrow. Seraphina has promised to put a muzzle on Kai so that he won’t be a disruption.” She explained. “Speaking of that Crowstorm concert, isn’t it strictly for Anteros students?” Ken asked as he set the controller down and walked into the kitchen. “Yeah, but, do you really think the bouncer is gonna argue with anyone who is with me?” Alana replied. “No one in their right mind would argue with you.” Sam laughed. “Why do we have to go to that thing?” Nathaniel asked. “Because, despite how much he’s annoyed me this year, Castiel is still my friend and I want to support him. Not to mention how I haven’t really done many “college kid” things this year... So, it’s something different.” Alana stated.

A couple of hours later, Alana descended the stairs wearing a formal outfit. “Where is everyone?” She asked when she noticed the boys weren’t in the living room. “I sent them to the lobby to meet up with Viktor.” Lynne replied. “Why?” Alana asked. “Because I want us girls to have some time before you cross the stage, so I’m going to do your hair.” Lynne stated. “Alright then.” Alana smiled as she sat down in front of her mother. Sam, Agatha and Severina gathered around them. “I can’t believe our Melody is graduating college!” Agatha cheered. “I can’t believe you can finally stop being “The Grim Reaper” after this.” Sam beamed. “I can’t believe it took this long for us all to finally be together.” Severina smiled. “I technically won’t stop being “The Grim Reaper”. I’m just splintering away from the rest of the Senior Staff until it’s necessary for me to return.” Alana sighed. “But you’ll officially be referred to as “Agent Thunderbird” according to the Military.” Sam replied. “Yup. And if I’m called back to action, I’ll go back to being “Death Herself” and whatnot.” Alana clarified. “But you’ll still be free to do as you please until then.” Severina added. “YUP! And I can’t fucking wait!” Alana cheered.

“We’ll see ya’ll at the end of the ceremony.” Lynne beamed as she took everyone to their seats. Nathaniel and Alana joined Amber, Chani, Castiel and Priya. They greeted each other then turned to the stage. The Director and several professors were on the stage. Miss Paltry made her way to the podium. “Hello and welcome all! I’d like to thank the Director for allowing me to make the commencement address. It’s a great honor for me to preside over this important day. I’d like to tell you about a project that’s especially important to me. This year, for the first time, we experimented with running self help classes. We didn’t know if they were going to work. We didn’t know what they were going to be like. And they ended up being a huge success. I’d like to thank you for being so committed to the project. Opening the dialogue is always a good idea. Having an open mind and debating with goodwill. That’s what we did and learned this year. That’s what makes you individuals capable of thinking, communicating, and acting in harmony with your values. We intend on continuing the program next year, and without your commitment, that wouldn’t have been possible. So, thanks to you all!” Her cheery voice boomed throughout the park. Everyone applauded and students began to cheer. Alana held Nathaniel’s hand and rested her head on his shoulder as Miss Paltry began to speak again. She thought of what she had gone through to get to this point. Every drop of blood, every time she screamed, every molecule of pain... It was all worth it just to be able to live freely with her love. Her ears perked up when Miss Paltry mentioned the Valedictorian. Several people looked at Alana. “Are they assuming it’s you?” Nathaniel quietly asked her. “It was offered to me... Simply because of my position. I told them that I didn’t want the attention and to give the honor to someone who truly deserves it.” She answered. Alana looked around her group of friends, noticed an empty seat and grinned. “She definitely deserves the honor.” She thought. “I’ll hand the mike over to her, to a round of applause, since she has the highest GPA, all majors combined. Priya Ba...” Miss Paltry began. “WOOO! GO PRIYA!” Sam’s cheering rang out through the park. Everyone looked in Sam’s direction. She was standing up and grinning ear to ear. “H-Hello.” Priya nervously spoke when she got to the podium. As Priya began her speech, Alana’s mind drifted to her friends. Priya was one of the ones who stood by her... Not always approving of her actions... But taking her choices in strides. Castiel had made it clear that he still had feelings for her, and it took a lot of effort, but he finally realized that he would have to be happy being her friend. It did hurt her to cut Alexy and Rosalaya off. It angered her to see what they had become; to know that they would never come to terms with what she had become. Priya began to speak of becoming an adult and the evolution of growing up. “She’s right.” Alana thought. Her mind then drifted to her own evolution. She started out as “Lynne Roster’s Sweet, Obedient, Responsible, Daughter”, a young woman who should be pitied, always doing the “right thing”. Then she became “The Grim Reaper” and “The Patron Saint Of Lost Children”, a force of nature that should not be trifled with. And here she was, evolving into something closer to what she truly wanted to be. She had been holding on for dear life to what she knew was her purest form all while struggling towards the light that was her desired future. “I was preparing for my future here, but above all, I was having an incredible human experience.” Priya’s voice resonated with the crowd, most everyone was hanging on to her every word. “I grew up, I cried, I learned, I had doubts, I got angry, I felt hatred and I felt passion here. It’s more than an education, it’s a university of life. Anyway, thanks for having been part of the experience. By virtue of our convictions and our interactions, we help change attitudes. And over the past five years, I’m thrilled to have been part of this community that puts tolerance at the heart of this debate.” As Priya concluded her speech, the park erupted in applause and cheers. The cheering didn’t stop until she reached her seat.

The Director stood up and walked to the podium. “Congratulations Priya, thanks again. The big time you’ve all been waiting for has finally come. We’re going to hand out the diplomas now.” He announced as he explained the order of the events to come. The Director began calling out people’s names and students began getting their diplomas. Chani crossed the stage, got her diploma and rejoined them. When Alexy’s and Rosalaya’s names got called, Alana remained silent. She turned in the direction of her family and noticed her mom giving a silent clap while Sam and Ken remained silent and motionless. Priya crossed the stage, got her diploma and rejoined them. Several minutes later Castiel’s name got called. The park erupted in girls’ screams as he crossed the stage and got his diploma. Alana put her hand on his shoulder and said how proud she was of him when he rejoined them. A few minutes later, Amber’s name got called. You could hear Alana’s family cheering loudly as she crossed the stage. “Why is your family cheering?” Priya asked. “Because, mom has claimed both Nath and Amber as her kids, so, my family is hers now.” Alana replied. Amber got her diploma and rejoined them. “NATHANIEL JACOTT” The Director called. “What?!” Alana asked. Nathaniel kissed her forehead, smiled, then walked towards the stage. Alana’s family cheered even louder. Alana watched as Nathaniel shook the Director’s hand, got his diploma and began walking towards them. Cheers could be heard from several of the rooftops. “I guess the Executioners and Crown Jewels are cheering for him as well.” Castiel commented. “Yeah, of course they are.” Alana grinned. When Nathaniel rejoined them, Alana jumped into his arms. “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” She cheered. “I knew you were working on something involving the school... I just wasn’t sure what!” she continued. Nathaniel held Alana closely for a minute before letting go. “H-how...?! Why is?!” Amber asked. “Surprise!” Nathaniel cheered. Amber turned to Alana. “What do you mean you knew he was working on something?!” She asked. “Well! He was constantly on his computer and running around Anteros! I knew he was concerned about graduating... I just didn’t know it would turn out like this!” Alana beamed. “I didn’t even tell you!” Nathaniel looked baffled at Alana. “Sweetie... You may love detective novels, but I am a strategist. You could say... It was elementary my dear!” Alana beamed. Nathaniel burst out laughing. “You are definitely no Sherlock Holmes!” He mused. “But, I was right that you were working on something towards your degree.” Alana beamed. “Yes, you were right.” Nathaniel laughed. “But how? You didn’t study! You never went to class!” Amber asked. “I got my coursework via the internet the whole time... I thought the literature courses were very captivating by the way... so I read them at night before falling asleep. My grades aren’t outstanding... I barely passed.” He explained. “Still! You made it! And you deserve every ounce of praise!” Alana cheered. “Thanks. Sure, I could never have gotten motivated without my little sister who spent the whole year insisting on me coming to class.” He beamed. “I knew I was right.” Amber smiled as she hugged her brother. “Way to go. I’m so proud of you.” She continued. Alana knew Francis and Adelaide weren’t present. “They still have my family.” She thought. “Way to go, both of you.” She smiled. “When are they going to call your name?” Amber asked. “Probably not until closer to the end. Your last name starts with a “J” so you got it over with a lot sooner than me.” Alana replied.

After what felt like forever, Alana’s time came. “MELODY ALANA ROSTER” The Director called. The park erupted in applause and cheers as she made her way to the stage. Cheers could be heard from the rooftops. “MELODY! MELODY! MELODY!” They called. She got to the Director and shook his hand. “Congratulations Miss Roster. You’ve earned it.” He beamed. “Thank you sir... For putting up with me this past year.” She grinned. “It was an honor. I should really thank you. We assumed that your presence would make Anteros a depressing place.... But you didn’t. In fact, you lightened the mood, and helped improve students’ lives. I still haven’t gotten over that gala you helped organize. It was a wonderful evening.” The smile on the Director’s face grew warmer as he spoke. “Way to go Miss.” Miss Paltry smiled. Alana thanked them both then looked at the crowd. The rest of the professors were sitting in the first few rows. Rayan waved at her and winked. She responded with a smile. She looked towards her family. Everyone was standing, clapping and cheering. Sam had even begun to whistle. She returned to Nathaniel and Amber. “Congratulations!” Nathaniel smiled as he hugged her. “You’ve earned it!” Amber grinned. “Thank you so much!” Alana quickly hugged Amber. “What was that for?! You never hug me!” Amber looked at her, slightly shocked. “I know... But, this is a special occasion.” Alana smiled. Nathaniel looked at them, shocked, then smiled and hugged both of them. “I love you both.”

After hugging and cheering with friends for a while, Alana and Nathaniel decided to return to her family. “You’re not gonna come with us?” Alana asked. “Nah. I’m gonna go hang out with Castiel. His parents actually came and I’m pretty sure he needs a good excuse to get away from them.” Amber replied. “Well, remember, you are invited to all the parties that are being thrown.” Alana sighed. “Thanks.” Amber smiled. As they walked over to their group, Alana caught a glimpse of Alexy and Rosalaya staring at her. Alexy shot her a meak smile and Rosalaya waved. Her eyes became cold for a minute before she turned back to Nathaniel and resumed smiling. Nathaniel turned his head in the direction Alana was staring and noticed the two sober looking graduates. “Are they still causing you trouble?” He asked her. She shook her head. “No, they’re not. They’re just kinda eating away at the back of my brain.” She sighed. “It’s alright. If you still think they’re not worth your time, then it’s okay to not pay them any attention.” He reassured as they walked up to her family. “CONGRATS MY SWEET LITTLE BABY!” Lynne cheered as she squeezed Alana tightly. “Mom, I know you’re happy... But I’m not a baby anymore.” Alana choked as she attempted to release herself from her mother’s embrace. “Nonsense! You’ll always be my baby!” Lynne beamed. Nate, Sam, Ken, Viktor, Severina and Agatha all began to congratulate her and Nathaniel. “I thought you said you probably weren’t gonna graduate.” Sam commented as she turned to Nathaniel. “I worked hard and finished out.” He replied.

A while later, the Roster family was sitting at the cafe, enjoying snacks and talking. “Mom, I love you, but I think you got my ponytail too tight.” Alana sighed as she took her hair down. Verity Mekina walked through the door and greeted the group. “Melody! I’m so proud of you!” She beamed as she hugged Alana. “Aunt Verity! I’m so glad you could come!” Alana smiled. Verity turned to Nathaniel. “And you must be the infamous Nathaniel! Mels has told me so much about you! It’s a pleasure to finally meet the man who has stolen my god-daughter’s heart!” Nathaniel blushed. “I hope it was all good.” He smiled, nervously. “I assure you, it was all positive. Welcome to the family!” Verity brought Nathaniel in for a hug. “And congratulations on graduating!” She beamed as she sat down. “So? Is Crowstorm really going to perform a private concert at the big party in Weathering?” Severina asked. “Yeah. Castiel offered to do it while we were on our way to the house a few weeks ago.” Alana replied. “Isn’t that the new band everyone is freaking out about.” Verity asked. “Yeah, remember, Sam and I went to high school with Castiel.” Alana reminded. “He used to be a dick to Kentin, and he and Nathaniel hate each other.” Sam added. “Well, I wouldn’t say we completely hate each other now.” Nathaniel commented. “Oh, right, now you two have gone from fighting all the time to a weird, blooming, bromance. Seriously, fight each other, or fuck each other... Just get it out of your system already.” Sam laughed. Nathaniel’s face turned red. “It’s not a bromance!” He clenched his teeth. “Mels! Come on! You know it would be interesting if they fucked. Especially if you were in the middle of it!” Sam continued. Alana facepalmed. “Really? Are you trying to get him riled up?” She asked. “So? Nathaniel, what are you thinking about doing? Career wise?” Verity asked, nervously. “I’m not really sure just yet. I love literature, but I also love police work. I figured that I’d decide on my career while Alana and I are out traveling.” Nathaniel replied. “Police work? Would your position in the R.D.R even allow that?” Viktor asked. “I’m sure I can make it work. We’d have to talk to the prime minister, mayor, red death, and police chief... But, first and foremost, we’ve got a world to travel.” Alana explained. “Well, I think it’s noble.” Verity commented. “Thank you.” Nathaniel smiled. “So, where are you two thinking about going first?” Severina asked. “I wouldn’t mind going back to London.” Nathaniel grinned. “Back to the Shard.” Alana giggled. “Okay, what happened in London?” Viktor asked, annoyed. Sam, Severina, Lynne and Agatha began to laugh. “Go on Mels. Tell that story.” Nate laughed, embarrassed. “Alright, alright. So, after Nathaniel and I got done hanging out with the cast of Doctor Who at the red carpet premier of the 50th Anniversary Special, we got a little frisky... Apparently, our passion was so loud that the hotel manager felt the need to come to our room and demand we keep it down, or else risk getting kicked out of the hotel. When we opened the door, the manager immediately recognized me as Mom’s daughter and Nate’s step-daughter.... I swear, you could see the pain in his eyes from how much he was holding back laughter. After that, our passions were a lot quieter for the duration of our stay.... But every time we saw that manager, he gave us funny looks. It’s now referred to in the family as “The London Incident”.” Alana explained. Viktor’s and Verity’s eyes widened. Nathaniel blushed. Lynne, Sam and Agatha began to laugh harder. “I swear, that was definitely a bright point in that period of time!” Lynne laughed. A wave of envy washed over Viktor. Alana shot him a sharp look. Viktor looked down. “I don’t regret it. That was amazing.” Alana commented. “Yeah, it was.” Nathaniel looked at her, lovingly and stroked her hair. “I think it’s romantic. They were apart for months at that time and I’m sure they both needed it. Besides, what’s better than making love in a foreign land?” Verity smiled. “I can definitely vouch for that.” Lynne sighed as she looked at Nate.

Several hours later, the kids were waiting to get in to the Snake Room. “This is gonna be great!” Severina cheered. “Are you really sure this is okay?” Viktor asked. “Don’t worry. After the bouncer hassled me the last time I was here for a Crowstorm event, the owner was so embarrassed that they’ve begun to grovel at my feet for my forgiveness.” Alana explained. “Did you ever deal with Crowstorm’s manager after they had you sit with all those whores?” Sam asked. “Yep. I threatened to find someone much more suitable for the band and slander his name throughout the business. He has become much more cooperative since then.” Alana replied. “Does Castiel know you did that?” Nathaniel asked. “It’s best if he doesn’t know. As it is, I don’t act on my threats unless I’m forced to.” Alana shrugged. As they got in to the club, everyone turned their eyes to them. “Hey everyone.” Alana smiled as she began walking towards the stage. People began to make a path and let the group through. The crowd of people began to wait for the band to take the stage. “Its a shame we can’t get the old band back together. It would be nice to see Castiel, Nathaniel and Lysander up there.” Sam commented. “It wouldn’t work anyway. You know Castiel and I can’t work together like that for very long.” Nathaniel smirked. “But, it would be really nice to see what Crowstorm was supposed to be...” Alana sighed.

As Crowstorm took the stage, Castiel smiled at the group of friends. The girls smiled and waved. Castiel looked at the rest of the crowd and grinned. “You know who we are.” He winked as the band began to play the opening notes to their song, “Do You Wanna Come Home With Me?”. The crowd’s cheers grew as the band played. “This is awesome!” Severina cheered. “And it’s only the beginning.” Alana grinned as she looked at Nathaniel, lovingly. “So, where are we gonna start?” Nathaniel asked. Alana kissed him, passionately and smiled. “First, Weathering... Then, the world.”

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I’ve been meaning to write this for months, but, due to recent events, I’ve been unable to. I wanted to feature several other people in this blurb’s image (Amber, Castiel, Priya and Alana’s Aunts (Seraphina and Agatha)... But the background was too small, so I simply featured her parents and the 6 main kids.

Credit goes to:

@candysweetposts For Lynne’s and Nate’s sprites, as well as the bases to Severina and Samantha. LicyAD on DeviantArt for Viktor’s Sprite Unnieverso on DeviantArt for Kentin’s Sprite

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #320

we on a spree today!

Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? Give me the happiness, please. What happened the last time you cried? I was having a PTSD episode. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? I think the most nervous I've ever been was in elementary school when I won the D.A.R.E. essay contest and had to read my paper in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade in the gym. There may be something else, though, there's just a LOT of instances where I've been an anxious mess. What was the greatest television show of all time? Meerkat Manor, man. I canNOT wait for it to resume, I believe this summer. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Maybe petting a meerkat, particularly a descendant of a Meerkat Manor character, Flower Whiskers in specific. I would cry, and that is a promise. I am just... so thankful for those little creatures. Because of them, I've met so many irreplacable friends and developed a hobby that was a way to dump my creativity into since I was what, 10 years old? What celebrity would you trade lives with? BITCH let me be Amy Nelson (Mark's gf) for OBVIOUS REASONS. Haha on a serious note though she is an INCREDIBLE person that I'm so glad Mark found. :'''') What story do your friends still give you crap about? Nothing, really. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? I'unno... define a "weird" dealbreaker. I find mine to be pretty reasonable. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Well, look at myself in a mirror? See how I look. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? We have this thing where we say "I love you mostest period" at random to imply we love the other person more than they could love us, indisputably. How old is the last person you kissed on the cheek or lips? On the cheek, it was either my niece or nephew, who are 4 and 6. The person I last kissed on the lips is 22. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Not anymore, no. I don't wear jeans. Do you think you could live with your best friend? I would fuckin LOVE to. Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? I'm most comfortable with myself around Sara. What were you doing when you found out Michael Jackson was dead? I was swimming in the pool while Dad was grilling lunch. The last person you kissed, was it a drunken or sober? Sober. Have you ever introduced yourself with a name other than your own? Online, I've introduced myself with my account name, but generally, I say I'm Brittany. Are any of your siblings married? I don't know about the half-sister I don't know, but two are married, and one is engaged. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Not usually, no. When was the last time you had a lot of fun? A lot of fun? That's one damn good question. Probably not since I last hung out with Sara. The last time you cried, who was there to comfort you? I was alone. What was your most recent reason for smiling / laughing? I chuckled at something in a John Wolfe video. Are you attracted to the last person you talked to? Um, that would be my mother. So no. Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you? It's pretty, but I hate having it. It's one of the most common white chick middle names ever. Are your toenails painted? No; I don't paint my nails. When was the last time you couldn't stop laughing? Why? Probably a funny YT video, I dunno. Any ways in which you're very different from the person you love/like? We have some differing political views. Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? The timing felt right and I love(d) her. Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Yeah. Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Besides via YouTube, my mom's. Who do you get along with best in your family? Mom. Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah. Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? Oh, absolutely my mother. Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? Oh god no, I'd die. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. It adds oil to your hair, and mine is naturally oily enough. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? DARK. Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. I have a good handful of those. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I just listen, usually. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Does more than one person like you? *shrug* You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? I fucking hate that my answer is "Jason." If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? As far as I'm concerned, my hair will never be long again. I love it so much more short. What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? I'd... honestly probably kill myself. I don't know that with certainty, but yeah. I'd be pretty damn devastated. What’s the most expensive thing you own? Probably my snake. Name something you really can’t wait for? MAY!!!!!!! GIMME MY TATTOOOOOOOO!!!!! What do you want in your future? E.g marraige, kids… A great career, a healthy and permanent relationship, lots of pets, adventure, life satisfaction... Got any major celeb crushes? m a r k e d w a r d f i s c h b a c h Do you have any glow-in-the-dark items in your room? If so what? No. Have you ever stalked anybody? Yeesh, no. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be and why? I'll just hypothetically say I WANTED to be on television for this, because irl, I don't. Ummm. I guess That '70s Show, because I love the '70s, and it'd be so cool to have a big group of friends like that. What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don't use hairspray. What is the last thing you tripped over? Our doorstep, lmao. Do you were glasses or contacts? If so what color are your frames/contacts? I wear black-rimmed glasses. Do you like stickers? If so what kinds do you like? Yeah. I used to collect them as a kid and put them all over my dresser. Do you like coloring? Yes. What is in your backyard? Some bushes and a shed. Maybe a tree. I've been out there like, once. Do you own a globe? No. What is your favorite wild cat? Snow leopards are the prettiest, imo. As animals in general, I find lions the most interesting. How many continents have you been to, and which ones? I've never left North America. How many continents has your best friend been to, and which ones? She hasn't, either. How many continents has your dad been to, and which ones? Same as above. Have you ever been so terrified that you felt paralyzed? Yep. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The community college I first went to. Particularly where Jason and I took his senior prom pictures. Who was the last relative you visited? Grammy, before she passed away. My uncle was with her, too. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Oh, certainly. I wonder all the time what would have happened if Jason didn't leave. I could still be horribly depressed, or dead, considering ultimately, the event led to me finding the help I so desperately needed. Or maybe I'd be perfectly happy with kids and know how to be an actual adult. I was only a teenager, and yet with him, I never felt more mature and just... capable. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? Yes. Have you ever bought something really expensive and ended up returning it? I don't believe so. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Amy Lee is the brazenly obvious answer. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Same general category, I know, but it's almost all I listen to. Is there anything you’d like to say to your last ex? We're best friends, and I talk to her regularly, so I can tell her anything. Where did you buy your dishes from? No clue. We've had the same plates and bowls I think my entire life. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been on a ship? Boats, yeah. I think ships are just the really big ones, right? Sails and all? Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David Lee Roth. He's an arrogant bastard, but boy can he sing. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I don't know. Maybe the Joker. Do you watch The Office? Gossip Girl? Grey’s Anatomy? None of 'em. Name someone you know with a birthday in December: Sara! What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. What is your dad’s name? Kenneth, but he's just called "Ken." When was the last time you slept in a bed with someone else? Not since I last visited Sara. Do you have any indoor pets? Both my pets are indoors. How do you feel about teenagers claiming to be in love? It's entirely possible. I was; nobody could EVER convince me I wasn't. Are you dating anyone? If so, for how long? No. Do you know anyone with Down's Syndrome? I think so? What animal that is endangered is your favorite? Oh yikes, I don't know. I don't really know every endangered animal, y'know, and I love all animals SO much. Maybe elephants or tigers. How do you believe the Earth and life on it was created? I feel like there was SOME sort of ultimate intelligence that created the universe, but I don't know anything about it/him/her/whatever. Then I believe in evolution. Basically, some sort of conscious creation, and then let life do its thing. What’s your religion? I don't have one. You could say theism, but is that even a proper religion? Do you like your teeth? No. During my worst depression, I was very bad at taking care of them, and now they have a yellowish tint. Have you considered getting contacts that change your eyecolor? What color? Oh yes, I've wanted to have more sapphire blue eyes. Do you wish you lived somewhere else? Yes. Living in the suburbs just isn't my jam, but it works for right now. What’s the craziest color you’ve seen on a house? I think I've seen a pink house before? Don’t you hate the texture of lotion on your skin? Yes. What’s the prettiest cat you have seen? There's this brown British Longhair with beautiful green eyes that I adore on social media. Name's Smoothie. What is your favorite doughnut? Chocolate frosted or glazed. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. What is your favorite party game? Man, I don't even know popular party games, haha. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Neither of us do. No matter where we've lived, ever since Dad left, no one rakes. Do you buy drugstore make-up or high-end make-up? We always buy drugstore makeup. What’s the last good love story you read? I don't think I've read a love story since The Notebook. Do you own a lava lamp or disco ball? No, but I wish I had a lava lamp. When was the last time you went to the roller rink? It's been many years. Do you own a kaleidoscope? No. I did as a kid, though. Have you ever made an inspiration board for your room? No, but I absolutely plan to once I get a big enough board to hang on the wall, and my "office" is cleaned out. I want that room to be full of motivation. Who is the best-looking male celebrity? Take a wild guess. Where would you like to travel to next? Yellowstone. I want to spread Teddy's ashes there in an area with wolves to rest in his roots. Less importantly, I want to take looooooaaaaaaaddddddsssss of photographs. Where are three places you go to relax? Just my room, really. If you became famous, would you change your name to something exotic? No. What color is your favorite pair of shorts? I don't wear shorts, ever. List five items on your current wardrobe wish list. I've wanted a black, studded leather jacket since I was in high school. I also really want big, spiked leather boots, too. Then there's tons of band tees I want. Who makes great song covers on YouTube? JONATHAN YOUNG!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!! Who is one of the best songwriters? Otep Shamaya. Painting or drawing? I strongly prefer drawing. Painting that shows brushstrokes or painting that looks like a photograph? The latter. The former can be quite stylistic, though. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair, but if you mean my actual body, my chest. Brown or white egg? I don't even know the flavor difference. Favorite time of year? October-December. Do you own a gun? I legally can't due to a suicidal history. Have you ever been in a castle? Excluding the Disney World castle, no. Are you a clingy person when it comes to relationships? I honestly am. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean, I've had hickeys before. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the cops and stay with it until they arrived. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? I'd rather not repeat it. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Literally every waking moment of my life. It's so sad, thinking about it. I'm just rushing my life away. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you enjoy hearing birds chirp? I do. Have you ever hiked a mountain? No. Where did you meet your first crush? School. Who is your favorite little girl? My sweetheart niece. What is your favorite song by the last band you listened to? Oh boy, don't make me pick. Does your best friend have kids? No; she doesn't want any, either. Where did you go the last time you drove for longer than an hour? The beach, I think. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. How often do you get fountain drinks from a gas station? Rarely, but every now and again. Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Mufasa. What junk food can you never pass up? Donuts came to mind first. But I think that's because I'm craving donuts, haha. Have you ever had a UTI? Yeah, multiple. I don't drink nearly enough water. I've had one so bad my kidneys hurt like a bitch. What's the last color you dyed your hair? Red.

#survey #surveys #questions

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bald-tales · 5 years

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Witness Protection at the Bears Den - by Titan

Part 4 “What the hell!”cried Dan, jumping up from his chair, “What do you think your doing Ken?” He quickly moved over to Ken who was standing beside the heavy chrome Barber’s Chair. Ken was screwing the top on what Dan realised now, was a bottle of chloroform, after having emptied a few drops on the towel covering Jerrod’s face. The chair was still fully reclined – up until now; Dan had been enjoying himself watching his boss get a makeover! He couldn’t get over the radical Mohawk with shaved sides his boss was now sporting. In fact, he’d been getting off on it, unbuttoning his pants and letting his 9 inch boner out so he could stroke it whilst watching the haircut proceed. “Relax Dan!” said Ken, placing his large hand on his friends shoulder, “I know what I’m doing.” “But you’re going too far; this guys my boss.” “Yeah mate, and you’ve been bitchin about him as long as I can remember. About him giving you nothing but agro, always stealing your ideas!” continued Ken, his tone sounding angry. “ Wouldn’t you like to get back at him?” “Well yes, sure!. But not like this Ken.” Dan said excitedly, tucking his exposed cock back into his pants. “Why not like this? You sure looked like you were enjoying yourself over there.” Ken went on, motioning towards Dan’s hard-on. “Surely your not doing this, just for me?” replied a slightly embarrassed Dan. “No Dan, admittedly there is another reason.” “What do you mean?” Ken went on, “I recognised Jerrod’s name as soon as you introduced him.” Dan’s eyes widened, “You mean you know him?” “Know of him to be more correct. We’ve never met before, but he and Bart have.” Ken continued as Dan looked more and more stunned. “You see, about 7 years ago, Bart was working for a top IT company in Northern California. He was into one of the other guys whom he had seen at one of the local gay bars a few times. This guy continually ignored Bart, or told him to quit bothering him. This guys name was Jerrod. He knew he had the looks and he always played on that. He told Bart he wasn’t into leather types, he found that whole scene disgusting, and this was about the same time Bart was starting to experiment with the leather scene. It wasn’t long before Jerrod got a promotion- in charge of Bart’s department. Well, this angered Bart even more, as he’d been next in line, however Jerrod had spread some lies about Bart’s ‘alternative’ lifestyle, which ruined his chances. Jerrod kept dumping all the work he couldn’t handle on Bart’s desk. He had to put in more and more hours to get it all done, while Jerrod got the credit for the work he had slaved over. Anyway , Bart had been a customer of mine for some time, and I had been making Bart try different hairstyles. Got him to grow a decent beard to go with the H’n’T flattop I’d been styling. Jerrod told him to get rid of the beard, and to get his haircut into a more conservative look. Bart, too embarrassed to come to me, went to another Barber and had the beard shaved off, and his hair styled into a short crew-cut. Well, a few months latter, Jerrod decided to go against his boss, and when he returned from holidays, he had grown a mustache similar to the one on Jerrod now. I had shaved his head bald, as he was looking to completely change his conservative look. It went well with the tan he had got on his holidays. Finally we pierced his ears, and two small gold rings appeared in each earlobe. When Bart turned up for work, Jerrod said that was the last straw. The big, fat balded Biker look, was too freaky for the office, Bart was out. I told him he could have fought it as I was pretty sure it was unfair dismissal, he just said to leave it. He was miserable, and it took him along time to get over the whole thing. Anyway we started getting closer, and that was when I asked him if he’d like to come into a partnership with me, to buy the run-down bar nextdoor – the rest is history as they say. I always told Bart, his old boss would get ‘his’ one day! That day has finally come, and I think a leather biker, is great revenge, don’t you Dan?” “Unbelievable story,” Dan answered, “I never knew much about Jerrod’s past – he always kept to himself at work.” “You can trust me it’s all true!” Ken replied. “But you’re ruining a great business opportunity – you could make a lot of money having Jerrod on side.” “And I still will Dan my boy. It’s just that Jerrod, though technically in charge of your department, will be leaving the day to day running of it to you.” Dan asked, “but how? I mean won’t he go to his superiors or even the cops!” “No he wont, friend, “ continued Ken pointing to the large LCD television on the back wall, “and that’s the reason.” Dan had noticed the new TV earlier, but hadn’t had time to comment about it with all the excitement of the last few hours. “A recent acquisition through a very good friend, along with the modified barbers chair. It’s all cost me a small fortune just to satisfy my hobby, but it’s really going to be worth it now!” Ken laughed as he brought the chair around so Dan could study the back. Dan’s eyes widened as he saw a complex unit in the back of the chair containing a small led screen with a series of switches around it. Seeing Dan’s interest Ken went over to the TV and flipped a switch on the side where a small DVD disc ejected.” This is what I used on Lucas. This TV contains 30 different DVDs; all of which I can control remotely from the chair. The technology behind this is actually from NASA, something they were experimenting with a few years back. An ex of mine, in their employ, decided to finish the project, of course it wasn’t a mind control machine originally. This guy knew my interest in mind manipulation, and offered me a good price.” “Are there others that know of this machines existence?” asked a more interested Dan. “No, let’s just say my test case was my ex – it wasn’t a good split originally. You’ve actually met him; his names Cooper!” “You mean the old guy that helps around the bar on weekends?” asked Dan, his voice wavering. “The one and only”, answered Ken, looking more satisfied than ever. Dan was more and more intrigued. It looked like Ken had the means to rid him of his obnoxious boss and what’s more, Dan would finally have the control of his department that was owed him. How strange, Dan smiled to himself - looking down at the sleeping Jerrod- this was the same guy who was continually telling Dan to lose some weight and grow some hair on his head. Then he wouldn’t look like such a thug. “Well, look whose looking like a thug now.” Dan said out loud. “Hmm, what was that?” asked Ken, beginning to make some adjustments to the chair control panel. “Just thinking about all the great things we could do with that machine of yours Ken.” Ken knew Dan was seeing his way now. “Yeah Dan, and we can enjoy ourselves along the way. Jerrod’s going to join us on our little adventure too, whether he wants to or not.” Ken started to remove the towels that had been on Jerrod’s face. Dan now had a closer look at Jerrod. He was already on the way to looking freakier, and Dan had seen what Ken was capable of with Lucas. His friendship with the big, burly Barber went back to when they were in college – he trusted Ken. “Hell! Let’s do it,” Dan suddenly said. Reclining the chair once more , Ken replied, “Okay then. Let’s do something about that pissy little excuse for a moustache. Jerrod was very insistent we not shave it off, so seeing he likes it so much, let’s give him one he can be proud of.” And with that, Ken grabbed a bottle from a nearby cabinet, that seemed to contain dozens of jars and bottles. Dan watched by the side of the chair as Ken applied the contents of the bottle to Jerrod’s neat, blond moustache, rubbing it in to the roots. Next he grabbed another unbranded bottle of green liquid. “Some of my home-made herbals,” Ken said looking up at Dan. This liquid was very oily looking and as Ken applied it, the green oil seem to stay thickly where it was applied. Ken carefully spread it along the jaw and chin area, up onto the cheeks, up to the top of each ear. He then said, “a formula that thickens and increases hair follicles, the other I used on his face, accelerates hair growth.” “Maybe you should patent that for the ‘hair replacement industry’, you’d be rich overnight!” Dan said. “Yeah, but too many of us would stop shaving our heads then, there would be no such thing as MPB. Don’t think I’d like to contribute to that Dan. Besides, at the moment it doesn’t grow hair where there are no neighbouring follicles.” Next Ken got Dan to help him undress the sleeping captive. He cut most of Jerrod’s designer gear away with huge scissors. “He certainly has a great body under all these clothes, he must spend a lot of time at the gym,” Ken commented, running a finger down Jerrod’s tight abs. Now with his body exposed, Ken, applied the green oily liquid to Jerrod’s chest and abdomen area, his pubes and balls, down his legs, up his arms, but left the back and arse free. “This kid was way too smooth, nothing to shave! This way we can decide where he needs barbering and where he doesn’t.” Ken said as he put the empty bottle down and produced a syringe from a small box in a counter drawer. Jabbing him in the arm, he emptied the contents into Jerrod’s bloodstream. “ Now you’ll love this Dan, I’ve mixed a combination of growth steroids with high calorie weight gainer, much like we use in the beer next door. Now let’s leave him to develop while we go grab a beer; I’d like to tell Bart about my new customer.” “How long will he be out?” asked Dan. “Oh, hours, I put a strong sedative in that shot as well”. Dan was impressed, Ken was definitely a clever and organised guy. Part 5 The bar next door to the Barbershop, discreetly located down a flight of stairs, was starting to get busy. Known as the ‘Bears Den’, this was the bar that was jointly owned by Ken and Bart, although Bart ran the day to day side of things. Ken and Dan were filling in Bart on what had been happening next door, whilst downing a couple of frosty beers. Bart just couldn’t believe it, his former boss next-door at this very moment. And not only that but he was getting one of Ken’s “special” haircuts. “ This I’ve got to see for my……..”, Bart said with a grin from ear to ear. “Now hold your horses Boy! Not just yet,” Ken interrupted, “You’ve got to stay and look after the customers, besides, his out cold. Just stay here and I’ll bring him out when his ‘finished’. Bart reluctantly obeyed his partner, but he knew he was in for a good night! The two friends returned upstairs to the shop, after a few hours, and Dan couldn’t believe the change already in Jerrod’s face and body. Jerrod’s moustache had thickened and spread down over the sided of his mouth in an untidy fu-manchu style. “Now that’s a more manly moustache”, said Ken examining his handiwork. Dan couldn’t believe the other changes ether. Where the oil had been used to stimulate hair follicle growth, was indeed hair! A very thick dark five o’clock shadow was evident on the previously smooth, boyish skin. The oil had done the same for the rest of his body, there was the beginnings of hair growth all over the legs, arms chest and abdomen, tiny dark hairs at the moment, but very dark and very numerous. Dan also noticed Jerrod’s whole body seemed to have bulked up, the face was fuller, a small double chin was evident, his stomach had lost that tautness’ he’d earned in the gym, and his pecs seemed to be flabbier. “He’s looking better already, don’t you think?” said Ken grinning. “You really are a magician Ken, I mean this has all just happened in a couple of hours,” replied Dan. “Now we need to trim up that moustache and maybe give him some more facial hair, he’s not quite ‘bear’ material yet’. Ken set to work using the lotion that accelerated hair growth, on the dark stubble on Jerrod’s chin. Next he rubbed it all over Jerrod’s chest down his abs into his bush and into his ball sacks. He continued to use enormous quantities of the thick, green liquid on the legs and arms. “If he want’s a body shave, there’s going to be plenty to keep my razor busy”, Ken said staring up at Dan. When he’d finished, he applied some of the liquid to Jerrod’s Mohawk saying, “I think he needs a bit more length up here don’t you?” “Yeah”, said Dan, “make him into one freaky, looking biker”. “As you wish”, replied Ken who was now wheeling over a small cart to the chair.”At least he won’t feel this,” Taking a needle-gun, Ken pierced each ear-lobe, and inserted two large gauge silver rings in each. Next he went for the left eyebrow, fastening a large barbell. He pierced the bottom lip, and used a spike here. “Now for those boy nipples”, Ken said as he used some forceps before piercing each nipple. Now Jerrod had 6 gauge silver rings hanging amongst his steadily growing chest hair. “Fucking amazing!” Dan muttered, “He’s lost that yuppie executive look for good.” “How about a nice Prince Albert, “ returned Ken, more to himself than to Dan. Before long Jerrod was sporting a large ring through his piss hole. “Any more?”, asked Ken. “What about his nose?”, offered Dan, really enjoying himself now. “Okay Dan”, and with that Ken pierced the septum. “Let’s try a silver tusk”, and Ken pushed a long metal tusk through the piercing. “Hmm! I still have a few rings left” and with that, Ken pierced the whole outer left ear. Soon Jerrod was wearing 10 small rings in their place. “Perfect”, said Ken as he packed up his equipment. Next thing, Ken’s wheeling over his tattoo equipment, “I think this biker needs a little ink,” said Ken as he fired up the machine and began to freehand the outline of some barbed wire around Jerrod’s bicep. The high pitched buzz of the needle filled the shop, as Ken continued to permanently mark the virgin skin. As the time ticked by, Jerrod’s tattoos were gradually filled in and coloured. Turning the needle off, Ken wiped his brow and stretching said, “That took some doing but that will do for now. We can add to them latter. Besides the barbed wire on the biceps, Ken had added a snake design down his left forearm. On his chest he had old English writing that said, ‘Barbers razor boy’, with a Barbers pole drawn over his left pec. Dan never realised how good a tattoo artist Ken was. “Your talents are even more remarkable than I first thought!”, said Dan as he examined the tattoo on the chest. “Well, I had a bit of practice. Where do you think all Bart’s body art comes from?” replied Ken as he went to the small bar fridge in the corner.”How about a brew? This transformation stuff sure works up a thirst!” As they drank their beers Dan pointed to Jerrod’s face, “That hair growth goop you used on the chin and hawk has sure kicked in.”. The Mohawk had grown in length, now falling over the shaved areas. A thick blond goatee, had formed on the chin, along with the increasing thickness of the mo, totally changed Jerrod’s look. Jerrod’s body was covered in hair now, thick and course, everywhere except the tattooed areas, which Ken had dry shaved. It didn’t matter too much as those areas would soon have hair growing back in a matter of an hour or so. “Now to clean him up a little,” Ken said starting up his lather machine. Taking a pair of small high-pitched trimmers, Ken started on the now incredibly thick moustache, revealing Jerrod’s top lip again. He then fashioned the goatee into a more manicured style, where it didn’t join the moustache but was left with a tail back under the chin and following the jaw line, finishing at the ears. Taking a straight razor after applying warm lather to Jerrod’s face, Ken carefully shaved over the stubble he’d trimmed down. He fashioned a designer stubble on the side levers, cheeks leaving a precise line between the stubble and the shaved parts. He shaved the neck clean and stood back to look at his work. Taking a jar of moustache wax, he spread it through the long luxurious moustache, fashioning it into a walrus look. “Now that’s a tache”, said Ken. “He’s like a yuppy biker now! What do you think Dan?” “Well, I for one thinks he looks a lot better – but I don’t think Jerrod would agree.” “Let’s see then”, he said smiling, as he raised the chair upright. Ken then got some leather restraints and got Dan to help him apply them to Jerrod’s wrists and legs, with an additional one around the upper chest. “Just for insurance”, said Ken. “now what about a cigar, Dan while we wait for this stud to come round?” It had been a fair while since Dan had enjoyed a decent cigar, “Sure, I will if you will.” Both Bears were soon puffing away on a couple of Cubans.

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thelonelytraveler11 · 6 years

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Is this really the best I can do?!

It's been three years since I've done any form of research. I haven't worked in almost three years. Just in case anyone's wondering, yes, I filled out job applications (a lot, like ~250 before I gave up). For the past couple years, I've been living off my savings, the little bit of money I get from my family, and the little bit of money I get from having part time jobs. My work experience since dropping out has been pretty dismal (on average), I haven't been able to hold down a job that gave an appreciable amount of money for longer than 3 months at a time without being fired or being so miserable that I just said "fuck it" and quit.

I understand the concern some may have. You may consider it my fault for being unemployed. Quitting a job that I'm miserable while doing may seem irrational or irresponsible, but speaking as a person who spent almost the entirety of his college years being miserable, I can say with all honesty that being broke is better than being miserable. I envy those that can’t seem to comprehend my way of thinking, because that probably means they have a very good life. I wouldn't want to work in an environment that negatively affects my emotional state for 4 decades anyways. Having disposable income isn’t more important than my well being. Having a job I actually enjoy doing is very important to me because I don't have many sources of happiness in my life.

I'm kind of a loner. I don't have a strong relationship with any of my relatives and I don't have friends anymore (and even more troubling, I don't care to have those types of relationships anymore). The only potential source of happiness is my job. I don't foresee me failing in love or developing a close relationship with anyone. If the current trend continues, I think its more probable that it doesn’t happen.

I feel numb most of the time and when I do feel something, I'm usually thinking about my college days and that something is usually anger. It honestly was my biggest regret, going to the University of Illinois. Sometimes I wished I never went to college. Literally the only thing that was even remotely good about my college experience was my grades, everything else sucked. Looking back, I wish I went back to working at CVS after I graduated from HS.

In the alternate timeline, I probably would have been better off in the long run (very little stress, no debt, live rent free at my mom's house for a couple of years after graduation while working a presumably full time job which would enable me to save up a fair amount of cash before moving out). Instead, I came away with nothing. My college education was completely worthless, I reaped no benefits from being a degree recipient. All I did was waste 7 years of my life and thousands of other people’s dollars studying stuff that ultimately wouldn't matter. If I were a benefactor for the UIUC department of chemistry, I would be pissed to hear my story because that means my money isn't being put to good use, especially if I added into one of the scholarships that was awarded to me.

So, I know what your wondering, why am I writing this post? Well, I was trying to get ride time with CFD and I called for a specific person that wasn't in. Someone took a message and wrote my name down as Joel Dennison. Dennison was the last name of the NMR guy at UCI. That got me thinking about my college days and how I hated basically everyone. I caught myself looking through emails and for the most part, the more I read, the more I remembered, the more enraged I got. Now that's one sure fire way to put me in a bad mood, get me thinking about the bad ol' days. I bet many of the people I went to grad school with are enjoying their careers, while I was completely forgotten (and if they're not enjoying them, well at least they have them).

I’ve always wondered why were the other students so complicit? Is racism really that prevalent? Is there something else going on? See, it's one thing to not say anything while they were still students because it runs the risk of them being treated like I was treated. But to not even offer a helping hand even after their careers were established, knowing what they know, is un-fucking-real.

I never really felt welcomed in chemistry. People seemed to be more in love with the idea of me. I noticed the longer I stayed, the worse I was treated. At U of I, it was .... kinda bad. I experienced a form a discrimination where I would have written essentially the same answer as my lighter counterparts but received lower grades (slightly lower, but still). People assumed I did well in certain classes because the professor "liked me" (pretty sure no one at U of I liked me much). People also made statements that are crazy racist and then tried to pass them off as jokes. I fucking hated life in Champaign-Urbana.

SIDE NOTE: the following story doesn't necessarily reflect the chemists, but it does represent a subset of the student body at U of I. So, I'm sitting in the cafeteria with three dudes I already knew and some guy from the next table looks over to me and says "Sorry, if I offended you". I calmly replied "what did you say?" And Oh....My....God.... the look of utter fear was plastered all over his face. I said, "What did you say?", again, calmly. I can not stress enough that I was visibly calm throughout this entire situation. And then I noticed he was shivering, I figured I would warm up a lil bit by using my hot ass breath, so I repeated the question louder and slower (you know, to give the guy's body time to come to thermal equilibrium), again.......calmly. He was still frozen in fear. So now I am mentally gearing up to jump across this table to snatch this little boy's neck out from under him. And then something miraculous happened, my tunnel vision broke down and I realized someone was calling me. It was Jon (one of the kids I was sitting with) telling me to drop it...so I did......so, yeah, that's the story of how I almost got kicked out of U of I for snatching the neck out from under some little white kid during sophomore year.  

But there was one instance of me being the butt of racist jokes in chemistry that I can remember. Then UIUC grad student, John Overcash (who I believed worked for Ken Suslick), made mention of me "cooking crack up in the kitchen" on more than one occasion. Apparently, since I was a black chem major (that specialized in organic chemistry) I must have been a drug dealer beforehand. Or maybe he thought I was a drug dealer then....who knows...

To make matters worst, people have used the stuff other people made up to put themselves a head of me. Senior year I had an interview with eli lilly. My interview was at 9 am and there was one person interviewing before me at 8 am. The 8 am slot was taken by one Joseph Cullen (a fellow undergrad). During the end of his interview , I could vaguely hear what was said, but it sounded like Cullen told the interviewers that I was a drug dealer. The door opens up, the interviewer shoots me a look and goes into the room where my interviewers were and talks to them. Meanwhile Cullen walks past me. I give him a thumbs up and he walks away chuckling to himself. These are not good signs. I can’t say for certain that these people really believed I was a drug dealer, but their behavior suggested it. It was their reaction to me saying the phrase "nice white crystalline product", that’s what suggested it. I was describing the physical characteristics of the product from a reaction I ran and it just so happen to be a white crystalline solid (...smh). What I want to know why were these people so quick to believe Cullen? Yes, what Cullen said could be true (which it wasn't) but couldn't it also be true that he's trying to give himself a better chance of getting a job by undercutting the competition?

I wish I got a job offer as an undergrad. I honestly didn't want to go to grad school, but I had no other choice. Visiting grad schools was a whole ordeal, I was told in one way or another that I wasn’t welcomed ... at every school. At Scripps I was told explicitly that I wasn’t good enough to be there by complete strangers (how exactly would they know given that they never assessed my ability to think ... who knows). At Indiana University, I was placed in a hotel room by myself because they heard I slept naked. At UCI, I was told that I wouldn’t make it pass my first year (again, by complete strangers). At Caltech, I was told I didn’t belong because I was a drug dealer (or that I look like a drug dealer, apparently).

Now, I ask you, how do drug dealers look exactly? What are they’re defining characteristics? I ask because if you asked someone who lived in Champaign-Urbana for four years to imagine what a drug dealer looks like, they might imagine a srcawny white boy in a frat (not someone that looks like me). What makes the Caltech visit even weirder was that Prof. Sarah Reisman was just standing by, staring at me while I was being told I didn’t belong (by the help, you know, the people who was serving drinks). It was like she was trying to read my facial expressions to get a sense of what type of person I was (or am). Or was she using the help as a proxy to express her own thoughts (I’m not sure)? Was she waiting for me to “defend myself”?  How would I be able to do that exactly?

SIDE NOTE: it’s impossible to defend yourself when there’s no evidence for or against whatever accusations there may be. It all comes down to what people choose to believe. The help has already chosen to believe I’m a drug dealer (or at least look like one) and I’m willing to bet there’s really nothing I can really do about.

No matter how I analyze the situation, Reisman’s behavior does not reflect positively on her as a person. I’m not sure if she knows this, but she was the primary reason I had to not go to Caltech. I found her behavior to be very off-putting and I got the sense that she didn’t really want me to go to school there. On top of that there was talk of her wanting to have (oral) sex.  

DISCLAIMER: I am effectively asexual, I don’t have sex ... with anyone ... or anything (yes, I actually needed to say both).

Now, I didn’t believe the talk when I first heard it because I thought there was no way a self-respecting, competent professor would admit to wanting to engage in a sexual relationship with a perspective student ... this is what I choose to think. However, the more I heard of her desires to have (oral) sex, the more I believed it. But I never fully accepted the rumors as the truth until my first year at UCI. Reisman came to Irvine for a talk and as always almost all the Organic students showed up. Before the event, I was sitting at the small table with another grad student in my year, her name was Beth R. (I don’t know how to spell her last name and I’m not going to try to google it). Beth ended up mentioning how pretty Reisman looked .... I “mmmhmmm”ed her. I could hear the chatter going on behind me, Reisman seemed mildly disappointed that I didn’t agree. Beth soothed her ill feelings by saying that I didn’t disagree. After the event, I was talking to Prof. Scott Rychnovsky and Reisman came up in the conversion. This was the final nail in the coffin that made me believe the rumors were true. It wasn’t the fact that he said she would’ve blown me, it was the fact that he said it soooo enthusiastically. He was as enthused as a person could possibly be in a professional/academic setting. No one should that enthused by the thought of a man getting his dick sucked as much as Rychnovsky was by the thought of Reisman putting my dick in her mouth, no one. It was kinda weird.  

The thought this woman hocking loogies on my dick tip, and imagining the sensation of warm saliva slowly rolling down my shaft (as I quote lines from the movie, Shaft (the Samuel L. Jackson version...obviously)) as I knock my head back, praying to god that I don’t come away from this situation with paper cuts (she has thin lips) just to look back down after noticing she paused just so she could fill the waves from my pulsating erection and make eye contact as she goes deeper and increases the pace eventually moving to the point where she starts straggling my balls and moaning like Lady Gaga singing a lullaby to baby while stroking my hard cock until I cum for her as Nicole Nava sits beside her while taking notes shouldn’t be even remotely amusing.....TO ANYONE...EVER!!!!!! But apparently to Rychnovsky, it was. It was at that moment I never wanted to be affliated with Caltech as long as Reisman was there. If Caltech and Illinois were the only two places that offered me jobs after finishing the PhD, I’d have to change careers. 

Okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t really view professors as people. When I was a student, they were more like encyclopedias that could talk to me. They simply took the form of a human, kinda like a barbie doll. They’re anatomically incorrect, they lack genitalia, so they don’t have a gender. I honestly, believed this. One time, during senior year, I walked in the third floor bathroom in RAL and I saw Prof Steven Zimmerman taking piss. My face immediately screws all the way up, my inside voice says “How is he standing up and taking a piss when he doesn’t have a dick?”.....I thought that....I literally thought that....I shit you not. Just so you know, it wasn’t just Zimmerman, it was every professor. The women are doubly dickless, in my mind Suzanne Blum was like —(Mia Khalifa) because she has negative two dicks inside of her at all times.

DISCLAIMER: just so we’re clear, I’m NOT alluding to the fact that Blum has to get people to agree to have sex with her. Nor am I alluding to the assertion she’ll probably be nothing more than an afterthought for literally anyone. I’m merely trying to stress the fact that I don’t think of professors as people, but as encyclopedias that can talk to me.

I was made to feel unwlecomed at every school I visited. Why? Well, you'll have to ask them. I can honestly say that by the time graduation (from U of I) came around I didn't believe that i would have a successful career as a chemist, but I put everything into this so I couldn't just leave...

Grad school was even worst because on top of being the black kid, I was also the social pariah. The other students did a real good of making me feel unwelcomed. So much so that after two weeks of living in Irvine I stopped trying to make friends. No one seemed interested in being cool with me (I'm basing this off people's behavior ... obviously). And if some of them were, the way they showed it was so unique that I couldn't even recognize it as a sincere attempt to get my attention.

I also experienced some the same stuff I did when I was at U of I. Namely, instructors not giving me what I earned. In Dave VanVraken’s class I always received the second highest score on the exams. The really curious thing is that no one knows who received the top score. Once, when I asked to see the printed out distribution, the TA refused to show me (why?). I'm willing to bet that single point ahead of me was a dummy point. In Liz Jarvo’s class, when the first exam came around, we found out the high score was a 83. Who got the high score?...no one knows, but when I received my test the number 38 was written on (Also note I just so happen to get the same score as the other kid from U of I). At first, I was puzzled and glanced over to Peg (the TA). She sees my score, turns to Jarvo and says "he knows he didn't get that low". While I don't remember Jarvo’s exact words, she stated in some way that I would come to her and argue my case for a higher grade. So, here's the thing. I shouldn't have to defend myself or argue with you to ensure that I'm treated like everyone else. It should be a given.  

From what I hear the reason why I was treated this way has something to do with them not wanting me to "talk stuff" to the other students.  

Okay, so where is this coming from? I ask because I’ve been me long enough to know their opinion of what I’m like isn’t actually based off me. If they actually talked to my fellow classmates, the most common thing you’d probably hear is that I’m quiet. So either these people are just making up stuff to justify treating me how they want to treat me or my classmates are liars. I’m not really the type to talk about my grades (or really anything) unless the topic is explicitly brought up in conversation (and this is assuming I feel like talking at all). You can dress it up however you want, but treating me like a second class student for any reason solely reflects poorly on you (it gives no indication as to what I’m like). There were instances like this in half the classes I took. Some, admittedly were a smaller deal than others. In Vanderwal’s class I got marked off once because I didn’t draw both arrows in a mechanism that included a homolytic cleavage. For those that don’t know, if a homolytic cleavage occurs and you show one electron going in one direction, it is assumed that the other electron goes in the opposite direction and therefore does not need to be explicitly stated (minor, but mildly annoying). In polymer chemistry (taught by Aaron Esser-Khan), we had one assignment where we needed to propose something that wasn’t in the primary literature. I proposed a polymerization based off a derivative of the Hiyama coupling. Khan’s critique was that since it wasn’t already in the primary literature, it probably wasn’t a good idea ... really?! And don’t even get me started on spec because that spec TA was sketchy as fuck. He intentionally told me the wrong due date for a homework assignment and I’m pretty sure he shaved a couple points off one of my exams...

Okay, so these experiences are only a subset of the shitty things I experienced as a UCI student. But do you know what made life at UCI worst than life at U of I? My research advisor (Suzanne Blum)....and to a slightly lesser extent my fellow group members. Over the years I grew to hate them. I was lied about, I had a homework assigns hidden behind water coolers (Darius Faizi), I’ve had the nitrogen lines removed from air sensitive reactions (Darius Faizi, Suzanne Blum), I had products from reactions switch out for reagent alcohol (it’s a mixture of ethanol, methanol, and isopropanol) (Josh Hirner), I’ve had septums removed from reaction mixtures (Josh Hirner), I’ve had people try to placate me with sex (Katrina Roth), I’ve had people try to use the fact that I was in an agitated state to get something they wanted (Katrina Roth), I’ve had people turn on the indoor lights in my car in an effort to drain my battery while I’m allowing them to use my car to practice driving so they can get a U.S. driver’s license (Muhammed Al-Amin), I’ve had people ask questions just so they can not listen to the answer (Chao Zheng, Drew), I’ve experienced asking people for help just so they can not even try to help brainstorm what the answer could be (Darius Faizi, Kim Tu), I helped others brain storm shortcomings for a proposal, just to catch an attitude when they realize I didn’t catch everything the first time around (Quinn Easter).  

SIDE NOTE: To provide context, Quinn asked me to look through a synthetic route in his proposal that he was intending to present in his advancement to candidacy exam. There was something I didn’t immediately see but did bring up during a group when he was giving a practice presentation. He became visibly upset and mentioned he thought I was trying to make him look bad. If I was really trying to make you look bad, I wouldn’t have told you anything, so that you would’ve made the same mistakes when it actually mattered. Quinn, you’re an idiot.  

l’ve had people call me after I already dropped out and given up on chemistry from a redacted telephone number claiming to be an official representative of UCI calling me in an effort to get my address (Suzanne Blum, Ashley Davis), and I’ve had the experience where I ask for information pertinent to group website maintenance and they act like I’m hitting on them (Adena).

SIDE NOTE:  This is something that always amused/offended me, having someone assume I’m attracted to them because I acknowledged their existence. It’s funny because because they have the audacity ... but it’s also offensive because the operating assumption is that I don’t have standards, which couldn’t be further from the truth. (They seem to make a lot of faulty assumptions)

What was this experience suppose to teach me? How was I supposed to become a better person or scientist because of my affiliation with the group/university? Me coming to Irvine and working for Blum was a total waste of my time. I’m not entirely sure what her deal was, but it seemed she had a preconceived notion of who I was. No matter what type of relationship we have (or suppose to have) this will cause problems where there shouldn’t be.  

Is the request that someone’s opinion of you is actually based on you too much to ask for? Because I feel it’s a basic request that most people should be able to easily do. The contemptuous treatment did subside with time (mostly because I avoided talking to other students when ever possible) but it never really stopped. Why did it start to begin with? I’m willing to bet the only things they don’t like about me has everything to do with me reacting to the way they treat me. Again, I have to ask, is racism really that prevalent? 

Then one day, I started getting so fed up with life that I decided I needed an escape, even if it’s only for a couple weeks. So, I started planning a trip to Europe. I worked hard in the weeks coming up to the trip. I was trying to finish my entire project before I left (sadly, I didn’t, but I tried). Things were looking on the up and up. Before I left, Blum even said I was meeting her expectations, that was the nicest thing she ever said to me (it was the nicest thing anyone at UCI has ever said to me). I went off on my trip, and during the middle of it I received an email essentially telling me that my time at UCI was finished. Why? I still don’t know. 3 years later and I still don’t know why my career was ended before it was even given a chance to start. It’s hard to move on with your life when you don’t have closure. It’s really hard to move on when you still have to live with consequences of other people’s actions.

SIDE NOTE: I got the sense sometimes that Suzanne Blum did not really care about her job 100% of the time. I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. It’s like, either she truly didn’t understand the importance of her role (as the leader of a research group) or she truly doesn’t give a shit. Either way, she doesn’t deserve to be in the position she’s in.  

I still remember my last day in Irvine. It was bitter sweet. I was so happy to finally get to leave but also a bit anxious because I knew that the thousands of hours I spent studying and doing research was time wasted and it would never amount to anything. I knew I wasn’t going to get a job with my credentials. I even saw Eric (the other kid from U of I) in the student center when I went over to get lunch. He was looking at me all sad and shit because he knew I didn’t have a future in chemistry. We didn’t talk, we just walked past each other and exchanged glances. I tried to conceal a smile as I walked by. By the time my Dad’s flight landed, I had moved most of the stuff out my apartment.  

Life at home was hard. Depression is a mother fucker. I liken it to a less severe version of sleep paralysis. I felt like I was stuck in my own body. Kinda like how I felt in the early Irvine days when it would take me hours to roll out of bed. I would literally wake at 6 am and just stare at the ceiling for ~4 hrs before I could convince myself to get up. And to make things worst, no emotional support was offered by my family. Their assumptions that I’m somehow responsible for other people’s actions along with their snide remarks about me being lazy did the opposite of help. I regretted coming home, even more so when I found out I somehow failed the background check for CPD.  

Now, how in the holy fuck does someone without a criminal record fail a background check? The only reasonable thing I could come up with to explain this is that the work experience I listed (my research experience) doesn’t count as work experience because instead of working for a salary, I worked for credit hours or a stipend. I have to tell myself things like this to convince myself I’m not getting screwed over in every facet of my life. If this is true, then my college experiences are doubly worthless because not only can the credentials I’ve earned not be used to get a job I’m more than qualified to do, but they can’t even get me a job you don’t even need a bachelor’s degree for.  

I wish I moved to LA after dropping out. If I stayed in Cali, I’d be force to move on with my life because I wouldn’t be able to sulk in my mother’s house for months. What would I do for work? idk...but I’d find something, and when I get fired, I’d just move on to the next dead end job.

As time went on, I found it easier to move, I still have scars though. Scars that may never heal. What can I do from here on out? I’m not sure. Going back to graduate school isn’t an option (or any program that requires letters of recommendations) because after experiencing what I’ve experienced and allowing those that I depended on for letters of rec to learn about my experiences, everyone seemed to be complicit. Either they didn’t do anything to change the course of action or it seemed like they were trying to cover it up by telling me to take the site down. I lost faith in everyone, I don’t think I can trust any of the profs to submit a letter of rec on my behalf when they either have done something that goes against my interests, are complicit in the wrong doing of others, or seem as though they’re attempting to cover up what happened to me. Even if I could get in anywhere, I still don’t want to go back to school. I lost faith in higher education. I lost faith in people. Whatever I do, I have to be able to do it without a college degree.

Just in case you’re wondering, I can’t depend on my college friends either. Mostly because I wasted no time trying to make friends. I’ve come to believe that friends are a worthless luxury.

I honestly believed that if I studied hard and knew my shit someone would hire me. I was wrong. I learned the hard way that to the outside world you are not you. You are not the sum total of your thoughts and actions. You are your skin color. You are your hair texture. You are the clothes you wear on your back. You are what people choose to believe you are. You are not you. People don’t care to get to know the people around them, they just want to feel as though their justified in believing the way they do. So I guess in order to get by in life you just need to be everyone’s friend and present yourself in such a way that everyone deems acceptable. Having the skills needed to do the job is more of an afterthought, huh? You know, one of the corollaries is that you’re expected to exhibit a certain level of extroversion. Welp, it just so happens to be the case that I’m an introvert and if the previous statements have some truth then I can honestly say this system was set up for me to fail. The only way I can get by in life is because I’m better than the other guy. No one will ever choose me because I’m their best friend.

I believe that’s where some of my problems stem from. When people see my face, they expect an extrovert (or at least someone who is more extroverted than me). When they find out I’m not who they want me to be, the reactions can range from essentially nothing, to mild disappointment, to mild hostility. And I think this is because people are more interested in the idea of me than actually getting to know me. So when they meet me and actually get to know me after building me up in their heads they’re kinda like “...oohh, this is it?!”. I don’t understand people. It’s like people just assume that you’re going to conform to their world view while refusing to even bend to yours. Now, I’m totally opposed to the very concept of “fitting in” because of all that. I got the sense “fitting in” means assimilation, which may involve losing qualities that make you unique (ones you may actually like about yourself). I don’t see why I should change in any way for people I don’t like, that I don’t see the benefit of being associated with, or for people that never liked me to begin with. People even sometimes mock my behavior, presumably because I’m not what they want me to be and this is just their way of trying to get me to conform. 

The most recent example of this is my cousin Sonia (she’s multicultural). I went to her graduation party during the summer. And as with most family functions, it pretty much consisted of me sitting quietly most of the time. So fast forward to when it’s time to go home. My mother and 2/3 of my brother’s children are making their way to the car, noticing the third one is missing I go back for her. As I’m making my way up the front porch, three of my cousins (one of which is Sonia) are in my path and I say “watch out”. As I walk past Sonia, she says something along the lines of “woah, he must be serious....” while laughing... I’m going to say this once, “Mocking my behavior because I don’t act how you want me to act will never help anything”...... unless you’re actively trying to get me to dislike you. I have to remember that Sonia is just a child. Maybe it hadn’t dawn on her yet that there’s more to life than what she’s experienced. She’s probably never met a person like me, so she won’t know what to say in order to get me to interact with her. But then I’m like, “But what makes her think making herself look like an ass would actually help her in any capacity?” How does this explain the behavior of grown ass men and women who do the same thing?”. I wonder if it’s a cultural thing, and these people just don’t realize how bad they make themselves look to people that aren’t like them.  

On the way home, I started thinking, “Is this really the best I can do?”. Have I been doomed to live a life where I’m not really happy? No, it can’t be the case. I still have faith. I may not have faith in other people anymore, but I still have faith in myself. I believe I can make something out of nothing, even if no one else does.

After going through all I’ve gone through, all I want is to not suffer anymore. I just want to be insanely rich for no reason. This won’t solve all my problems but it will eliminate many. If I ever come into having an ungodly amount of money, I’d give some of it to my family so they can afford many of the things that they want in life. Then I’d disappear, never to be seen or heard from again. 

I’ve become acutely aware of the fact that people want to learn useless knowledge without ever having to talk to me.

DISCLAIMER: the knowledge is useless because we won’t/don’t have a relationship of any sort. Why waste your time learning information that isn’t relevant to your life?

So I’m going to take this opportunity to answers some personal questions because the thing I hated the most about you people is your unique combination of arrogance, ignorance, and obliviousness. While I can’t help with the arrogance and the obliviousness, I can help with your total lack of knowledge. So, without further ado ...

QUESTION TIME

Did you ever like life in Champaign county?

I was excited to be there in the beginning, then I met the people and all that excitement went away quick.

What’s your fondest memory from college?

That one time when Chipotle was doing that 2 for 1 deal. That was cold.

So, what’s up with your sexuality?

I don’t have sex because I don’t want to take the risk of having children, also no STDs. People were oddly obsessed with my sexuality and I never quite understood it. Here’s the thing, I’m a little self centered and I’m like you in the sense that I don’t immediately acknowledge other people’s way of thinking all the time. I honestly don’t understand why there was as much “interest” in knowing what I’m interested in (I use quotes because if people were actually interested they probably would have try talking to me). My viewpoint is that your claimed sexual orientation is irrelevant, it’s not even worth bring up in conversation. The reason why is simple. If you see a pretty girl and you know she’s interested in men, it doesn’t necessary mean she’s interested in you (assuming your male) right? That’s why the only thing that matters to me is whether or not the person I’m interested in is interested in me.

It’s funny because if you completely ignore the fact that not everyone thinks like me, it would seem as though there were ALOT of dudes that wanted me to fuck them when I was in college.

To the people “interested” in knowing my sexual orientation. Ask yourself two questions. Do you want a shot? Do you think you have a shot? Think hard about it. If the answer to one of those questions is “no”, don’t waste your time.

If you haven’t already figured it out by now, I don’t think like a normal person. I’m never going to adjust or change to make you feel comfortable, the best thing I can do is not talk to you at all. I don’t adjust to you, you adjust to me. Why? because fuck you, that’s why.

Are you ever going to have sex?

Maybe, maybe not. What’s it to you?

Do you think people like you?

I know they don’t. Based off their actions, they don’t want to like me either. They’d spend less time gossiping about the negative characteristics I could have and more time actually getting to know me if they did.

You don’t think people know anything about you?

It all depends on what you think it means “to know”. Personally, I don’t. I’m never around people long enough for them to be able to get a true sense of who am I as a person. All people get are snapshots. Sadly, that isn’t good enough. That’s something I don’t think most people realize, actually.

What if after reading this, people actually started trying to get to know you, how would you react?

My recommendation is that you don’t waste your time. You can’t undo the damage that’s already been done. I’ve already stopped caring.

If you could go back in time and pick another college, which would you pick?

Xavier University in NOLA. I’d pick this HBCU because I’m fairly confident some of the problems I encountered at U of I wouldn’t have existed there.

Why did you choose UCI?

Because they told me I wasn’t going to make pass my first year. I knew what type of student I was. I knew I had what it took to make it through any program. But I was at a low point in my life, where nothing seemed to be going right. I figure If I go there and get forced out after a year, it wouldn’t be my fault. The devastating thing is they let me get so close to graduating before just booting me out like they did.

Why did you use the word “they”?

Someone easily could have stepped in and did something. The department just enabled her (Suzanne Blum).

What grad program do you think you should have choose?

Indiana University or Rutgers probably would been better for me.

What motivates you to do well?

Meaningful positive reinforcement. Don’t just give out compliments for the sake of giving out compliments.

What’s one thing you hate most about people?

Their stupidity. Before I was told I failed the background check fro CPD. I’d get calls from some sort of case worker for CPD who was suppose to determine my eligibility. This dude asked me if I “resigned” from the Blum group and acted like that was a perfectly valid question. This wasn’t a job, it was a component of an academic program. I WAS A STUDENT. There was no resignation. You don’t resign from school. You either graduate, drop out, or get expelled. I know some college education is required for employment with CPD, so it’s far more likely that this guy is an idiot. REMEMBER GRAD SCHOOL IS STILL SCHOOL AND THERE ONLY 3 WAYS TO LEAVE.

Did you ever consider taking legal action?

Yes, but I know the people I’m dealing with aren’t above lying. Since there’s no physical evidence (that I have in my possession) proving that wrongs did occur, I’m reluctant to believe I’d actually win. It’s not smart to get into a “he said she said” battle with people that are believed to be pathological liars.

Are there any common misconceptions you’d like to clear up?

I wasn’t doing the school shit to make friends. I only wanted to make money. That’s the only reason why I was there, to make money. Every time someone why I as getting a PhD, my answer essentially went like, “I’m getting a PhD because money.” I see no point in trying to make friends with people who seemed to have been conditioned to dislike me.

Also, just because I’m quiet it doesn’t mean that I’m stuck up. It is in fact possible to be someone who isn’t a big talker.

Contrary to popular belief. I am in fact a HUMAN BEING. I have emotions and sometimes something could happen in one part of my life that can affect other parts of my life (like how well I do in school or how productive I am in lab).

Why did you just give up?

What’s the point of playing the game when you know you’ll never win.

It seems like the college years were a hard time for you, did you ever do something to ease the pain, like drugs or alcohol?

No, I love myself too much to potentially set myself up for problems later. I gave comedy a thought, but I found really hard to want to be funny when all I’m thinking about is the depressing shit that inspired the joke. If I’m gonna do something, it’s gonna be something were I don’t have to live with the consequences of my actions. I was suicidal. I was planning to kill myself the night before my thesis defense.

Why then?

I was fairly confident that no one there cared to save me from myself. But just in case someone wanted to surprise me, I figure it would be best to do when no one would expect it.

How?

potassium cyanide. The night before my defense I was going to make it my point to get a bottle of potassium cyanide. a couple months before my trip to Europe, I looked up who had it. It was on the fourth floor (or maybe the fifth). Go all the way down to the last lab space on the right hand side. When you walk into the lab space go along the right hand side and go through the door on your right. After that go to the first door on the right hand side. I placed a bottle on KCN in the first column on the left hand side, top shelf. The bottle should be on the wall on the left side (assuming it’s still in the same place I left it). I figured it wouldn’t get much use due to its inherent toxicity so it would probably be in the same place I left it when I needed it. I wouldn’t be surprise if the bottle is still in that exact spot. 

Did you ever think about getting help?

From who? When I did finally ask for help, the first thing I was told was that the department sided with Blum (mind you this is before any type of investigation occurred). As soon as I posted the email from Chris Vanderwal on this blog, his tune changed immediately. But his actions didn’t reflect the words he put out in the public space. He was of no use. He had no interest in helping me in any capacity. I’m sure of it. I’m all alone in this world, I don’t have a safety net so if I fall, that’s my ass.

What about the professors from UIUC?

My previous statement stands. I had no one.

Is that why you started the blog? You felt like your were all alone and just wanted someone talk to, even if that someone was actually a void in space?

Yes, that’s exactly it.

Is that why you’re still posting, you still feel alone?

yes

But what about your family?

With them I’m a dependent not a provider. They’d be okay without me.

So have you really never sought out a therapist?

I couldn’t find steady work. I can’t afford it. Depression is a rich people disease. When you’re broke you’re just labeled as lazy.

What’s one thing you want everyone to know?

You shouldn’t let your assumptions or the assumptions of others affect how you treat me. Remember, you don’t know me. I could come to be your best friend, your faithful and supportive business partner, or the love of your life and you’d just let me slip away all because someone told you dislike me.

(Also, please don’t waste my time talking to me about all the typos I made)

#introspection

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nerdygaymormon · 6 years

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The Payne Papers, aka Prologue

In Spring 1977, in a Beginning Psychology class at BYU, Dr. Reed Payne gave an anti-gay lecture. Cloy Jenkins, a gay man, was in attendance and unhappy at what was said.

Because of the anti-homosexual climate in the church and on campus, Cloy felt that he couldn’t speak up and counter the statements made on the subject, so he decided to write a reply.

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Howard Salisbury was a gay Ricks College professor that Cloy met while still a teenager and someone Cloy consulted with on the response.

I don’t know how Cloy Reed was put in touch with gay BYU professor Lee Williams, but this professor also contributed to the paper, and more importantly, he reviewed it with "skillful criticism” and was the main editor of the 52 page work. Lee Williams’ brother also contributed, Jeff Williams was a gay Ricks College professor.

The response countered Dr. Payne’s assertion that homosexuality is a pathological condition and explained what it’s like to be gay and Mormon. They argued that homosexuality cannot be cured. Instead it is a state of being and not a chosen pattern of behavior. Those who claim to be cured might have experienced a modification in their sexual behavior but not in their orientation.

They called this “The Payne Papers” and printed up some copies (without their names on it, they remained anonymous) and shared with family and friends, who also shared it with others.

—————————————————————

What happened next is incredible.

Later that summer, Ken Kline, a gay activist in Salt Lake City, was given a copy of the papers. He decided to publish them as an anonymous pamphlet and asked BYU student Donald Attridge to do a pencil sketch of the BYU campus for the cover artwork.

Ken knew a gay man who worked in the church office building’s mail room. Through him, the pamphlet was distributed into the mail of all General Authorities. Copies of the pamphlet were mailed to local TV and radio stations. The pamphlet also was distributed to most of the faculty at BYU and Ricks College (probably with the aid of “The Payne Papers” authors from those campuses). Having a pamphlet with a cover of BYU and distributed to all these faculty and GA’s made it seem it was a BYU publication and had been church approved. Needless to say, LDS leaders were upset.

Ken Kline also owned The Open Door, which was Salt Lake’s gay newpaper. The paper began the serialization (printing part of them each week) of The Payne Papers, which meant the arguments were out there for all to read.

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I won’t go into all the ways the LDS Church sought to counter the arguments made in “The Payne Papers,” but after several weak attempts, Elder Boyd K. Packer refuted the basic premise of the Payne Papers in a 1978 address at BYU, telling the 12-stake fireside that homosexuality is a curable problem. His remarks were then published as the pamphlet To The One.

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Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons acquired the rights to “The Payne Papers” and republished it under the new title “Prologue.”

—————————————————————

This was a serious attempt to strip away the ignorance and prejudice that resulted in the pain, suffering and tragic deaths of many gay Mormon youth. It was the first major pushback against the narrative that Spencer Kimball had been giving for decades on the subject of homosexuality and it really shook a lot of leaders.

Here’s a link if you’d like to read it in its entirety, and below I put some quotes from the pamphlet.

Cloy Jenkins still lives, he resides in Maui with his partner.

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“No one knows what causes homosexuality. However, we do know one thing that does not cause homosexuality and that is free choice. Until the cause or causes are known it is grossly inappropriate to moralize about it.”

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“One does not choose to be homosexual. The concept of choice, implicit in your lecture, is the beginning of a fundamental misunderstanding of homosexuality. Not once in all of my investigation have I known anyone who seriously said he chose to be homosexual. Most homosexuals have at some time chosen not to be homosexual, some repeatedly, only to discover that in spite of their determination, they remained homosexual.”

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“Rather than choice, the growing child comes to a realization of who he is sexually. Self-awareness should not be mistaken for conscious choice. For a psychologist, this distinction, which you appear to be confused about, should be embarrassingly elemental.”

—————————————————————

“I know of many homosexuals who have married and have children. In not one single case has it changed their homosexuality. This kind of “appetitional” sexual reconditioning therapy is not only simplistic but immoral since it toys with the deep affections and emotional well-being of another person. Marriage is the rug under which the Brethren encourage many men to sweep their homosexuality.”

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“Recommending to the homosexual that he abstain from the sexual expression of who he is has far-reaching consequences. It cuts him off from the only real possibility open to him to experience love. The more frightening fact is that it unquestionably condemns him to a life of loneliness which cannot and is not ministered to by any facet of the Church or society. No amount of temple going, priesthood meetings, home teaching, or special interest activity will ease the loneliness. This can only be realized through a mature loving intimacy.”

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“One of the more singularly striking facts is that in the entire Book of Mormon and the other modern scriptures there is not one single reference to homosexuality. These scriptures contain the “fullness of the Gospel” and all the essential commandments for the Saints, and yet the subject of homosexuality is conspicuously absent. To my knowledge, Joseph Smith never mentioned the subject. From The Teachings of Joseph Smith: “When we lie down, we contemplate how we may rise in the morning; and it is pleasing for friends to lie down together, locked in the arms of love, to sleep and awake in each other’s embrace and renew their conversation.”(p. 295)”

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“Statistical studies show that an extremely low percentage of homosexuals engage in child molesting. Far and away the greatest occurrence of child molesting is by heterosexuals on young girls, not by homosexuals on young boys. Like heterosexuals, homosexuals typically prefer a partner close to their own age and in a relationship that is mutually expressive of the affection for and interest in the other person. One of the main reasons for outlawing homosexuality in the past has been this child molesting concern as reflected in the emotional campaign now under way to “Save Our Children” (from homosexuality). By the same logic, should not heterosexuality be outlawed since heterosexual child molesting occurs much more frequently?”

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“Excommunication, of course, cuts off and punishes individuals who violate the code of sexual conduct of the Church, but it has never cured one single case of homosexuality. The Church knows only that the member must comply with the program or be judged and punished.”

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“Excommunication is actually an easy way out for the Church...For the Church, it makes it easier to deny the stark reality of the member’s experience. The Church no longer has to be troubled with a life that will not conform to the program and perplexing emotions that are counter to what is “supposed to be”. In a very crucial way, excommunication is an official denial of existence...I have watched the Church take action against a number of homosexuals, and nothing but damage and destruction has come of the action. You would know as a psychologist, that if you persist loud enough in telling a person that he is bad, it will begin to have serious negative effects on him, especially if he comes to believe you.The Church does feel justified in its position about the immorality of homosexuality. But it also has an obligation to help, not destroy its members, even those who violate its standards.”

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“Should bishops and branch presidents be asking questions in those interviews if they are unprepared to responsibly deal with the answers? Should we be prying into the private lives of our youths to the extent of their learning of homosexuality and masturbation in their interviews with the bishop?”

#lgbt history month #lgbtq+ mormons #LGBTQ+ LDS #this tea is HOT #queerstake

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briangroth27 · 5 years

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Goosebumps 2 Review

I liked the new Goosebumps film a lot, but I did feel like it fell a little short of the first film. I think it’s that a few characters could’ve been more fully utilized and the frights could’ve been scarier, but it wasn’t enough to hamper the fun I had watching it.

Full Spoilers…

I liked the new cast! Madison Iseman (Sarah) was great and very likable as a very different type of teenager than she played in Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle, which was a nice surprise. I definitely expected her brother Sonny (Jeremy Ray Taylor) and his best friend Sam (Caleel Harris) to drive the movie with her being dragged along as an annoying older sister, but that wasn't the case at all. She has agency, we know what she wants out of life, and her arc is all about achieving those goals. It’s true that her quest to find something to write about for her college essay was a little cliché, but I liked that the adventure the film takes her on gives her more than an essay: it gives her a career. She also gets to be an active player in the climax, which was great. One of my few notes about the first movie was that while Stine's (Jack Black) daughter wasn't passive or a damsel exactly, she also didn't offer many ideas when she easily could've instead of the guys. Goosebumps has never been afraid to feature kids regardless of their gender or race, so it was awesome to see that continue with Sarah being so active here.

Sonny & Sam felt like true Goosebumps protagonists and I liked how Sonny’s science experiments and knowledge played into Slappy’s plot (making Slappy something of a twist on Sonny’s personality too, just like he’s Stine’s dark side). Sonny, Sam, and Sarah's problems being solved (initially) by Slappy felt like the first act of a classic Goosebumps novel (and the bully they boys were dealing with (Peyton Wich) felt like he was pulled right from those books), while all three kids readily accepting that Slappy was in fact a living dummy was a nice and realistic beat given what they’d seen. I liked both Sam and Sonny, but it would’ve been nice if Sam had more to do: after his moving/cleaning business gets them to Slappy and Sarah’s brought into the loop, it felt like he faded into the background somewhat. Maybe this is just because Sonny’s technological skills and Sarah’s growing writer identity were more integral to the ongoing plot, but I wish Sam had a role to play in the climax that was specific to him as well. Of the characters that weren’t used to their full potential, his felt like the biggest loss.

Wendi Mclendon-Covey was great as Sarah & Sonny's mother Kathy and I thought she brought a perfect awkward/embarrassing yet caring "mom" vibe to the role. Chris Parnell’s Walter, possessed by the iconic Haunted Mask, was unfortunately underwhelming. He got a few funny lines and I liked his awkward chemistry with Kathy, but didn't the mask in the book make the wearer meaner, not sillier? Mr. Chu (Ken Jeong) was a fun character, but I feel like they could've done more with him, particularly his excitement to be living a Goosebumps story. Send him out into the chaos to casually soak it in while everyone else is running and screaming in terror or something! I thought it was a little odd he had so much time to make the kids costumes in the middle of the crisis, but I guess the existing costumes might've been brought to life, so maybe there's internal logic to them not just using pre-made disguises (ultimately it doesn’t bother me either way, though).

I liked Jack Black's return as RL Stine here (though I wish he also voiced Slappy again, even if Mick Wingert sounds enough like Black’s Slappy for it to not be jarring at all). Stine worked really well as a mentor/inspiration to Sarah, even though he didn’t have a lot of screentime (they definitely made the most of his time here). His return to his hometown—forcing him to face his monsters in the place that created so many of them for him—was well done (if not elaborated on). More of that definitely would’ve been appreciated, but I’m content with what they did give us. I'm also definitely down to follow the story where Slappy leaves it, with Stine locked in Slappy’s book (also making the dummy a dark mirror for Sarah, if they want). Maybe Stine's been put into Horrorland? If they're about to take us into the world of Goosebumps after letting it invade the real world twice now, I'm all for that! It would be awesome if the younger casts of both movies teamed up to save RL Stine and wrap up this trilogy! He does have a daughter who used to be a character in one of his books; combine that unique experience with Sarah taking up the writer torch and I think we’ve got a rescue party forming.

I liked that this felt like a lost Goosebumps story (whereas the first movie was more of a meta-celebration of the franchise) and Slappy’s twisted desire for a family worked really well for me. He’s a great villain and forcing people to be his family was a nice, understated tie back to his implied status as Stine's evil alter ego (Stine himself having been a lonely kid according to the first movie). I wish they’d played that up more, though. Using Slappy's incantation to bring all the Goosebumps monsters to life was a fun twist on the lore and made it feel like a sequel to “Night of the Living Dummy.” Slappy using Nikola Tesla's technology to achieve his goals was a nice touch too…and a possible reflection of Stine and his status as an ignored genius in comparison to his rival Stephen King (this features a great IT joke, btw!)? As for the rest of the Goosebumps monsters, it’s always nice to see them, but aside from being recognizable as the franchise’s villains, these monsters could’ve been any thugs. If they’re going to keep bringing every monster in, I’d like to see more Goosebumps-y twists on the classics with defined abilities and unique scares instead of mobs of essentially interchangeable creatures. The ravenous gummy bears were a real threat, but also a lot of fun (and cute!); they’re a good example of an original Goosebumps twist on monsters. I did like that these monsters seemed to be mostly practical costumes/makeup rather than CGI creations this time out.

I think the biggest drawback was the same as in the first movie: I wish these films were more concerned with putting more actual scares on the screen. Slappy does get a bunch of creepy moments, though, and Kathy has an extremely unsettling moment as a human ventriloquist dummy, but I wish it had gone on longer and/or amounted to more. The Goosebumps books and TV episodes had actual thrills and scares alongside Stine’s humor, so I wish the movies would dip their toes in frights just as much as they exist in the “horror adventure” space. Despite me wanting more scares, however, the comedy here landed more often than not and there's no denying that it's a great time at the movies.

I love Danny Elfman's theme and score, but I do wish they'd include the TV show's theme song at some point in this franchise too. The CGI was really good: there was only one shot that looked a little dodgy (when the pumpkins took flight), but otherwise I thought it was convincing. While not explicitly scary, there is a fun spooky vibe here that makes for an enjoyable watch. The pacing’s also on point and moves the story along at a brisk pace.

Goosebumps 2 is out in Blu-ray this week and I'll definitely be picking it up! I'm excited to see it again and it's definitely worth a watch if you're looking for a fun Halloween adventure. Whatever they do for the next movie, I love this series and hope it continues!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

#goosebumps #goosebumps 2 #haunted halloween #rl stine #jack black #madison iseman #sarah quinn #slappy

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builder051 · 5 years

Text

Best of 2018: other stuff

I’ve posted lists of my most popular posts and my favorite pieces of my own writing, but I want to take a second to plug some my favorite other stuff. I’m a pretty big media consumer, despite being a little out of touch with what’s popular and newsworthy. But since I tend to hyperfocus and perseverate, you can rest assured that everything on this list has been tested to the limits and truly loved.

Podcasts

The Adventure Zone

Yes, I’m extremely late to the game. If you’re not familiar, this is a live-play fantasy gaming podcast (it started out as D&D, but they’ve expanded) where 3 brothers and their father create amazing adventures with hilarious and relatable characters, perfectly balancing drama with humor and action. It may sound boring, but they’ve created DragonQuest (Balance arc) and Scooby-Doo (Amnesty arc) esque worlds that are easy to get lost in. There’s approximately 100 hours of content so far, so it’s a commitment to catch up, but entirely worth the time.

Books

Sharp Objects and Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

I read Gone Girl years ago, but I was unaware that the author had more books to her name. These are as good as Gone Girl, and arguably creepier. Sharp Objects is beautifully written, with the power of angry words as a central plot point. Dark Places is more suspenseful, and it has more characters, tackling the way in which small actions create ripples in our own lives and those of others. HUGE trigger warnings for both of these. The TWs are spoilers, though, so think of them this way: If you’re a fan of Criminal Minds, you’ll love these books. If you’re not, you probably won’t. Both have emeto in them (and so does Gone Girl). I have a feeling that the author might be a fan of whump. :)

The Adventure Zone graphic novel

See above. They made the podcast into a comic book. It’s genius.

American Vandal

This is a Netflix show that I feel like is simultaneously very popular and something nobody knows exists. It’s been a long time since I lost sleep over a TV show, but I couldn’t rest until I finished the first season. It’s a reality series/documentary following a 15-year-old boy’s quest to investigate a tagging incident for which his classmate has been (wrongfully?) accused. It sounds low-stakes, and it is, compared to something like Serial that investigated a murder, but it rides the line of seriousness and humor that perfectly captures the gravity of teenage life. It’s crass, it’s disgusting, it takes an inordinate amount of time to lay out the details of summer camp hookups and phone pranks, and yet it also shows a boy’s deep-seeded worries about how his actions will affect his college and career choices. The series is amazingly well produced, considering that it’s the product of high school sophomores working out of their school’s media center. It’s the kind of show you’ll watch on the edge of your seat the first time, then continue to giggle at it for weeks afterward.

The Vietnam War

Yes, one of those PBS Ken Burns documentaries. If it’s not your cup of tea, I understand. It didn’t used to be mine. But this isn’t the kind of film you fell asleep to in history class. The narration balances geography, history, and government lessons with real-life anecdotes, all presented with original footage of the most-photographed war. I’m a nut for the era, but it’s an incredibly poignant viewing experience that brings a lot to the table. Segments on music, pop culture, protesting, and the perspectives of various cohorts (African Americans, Viet Cong, those who fled to Canada, nurses, children of refugees, etc.) combine into a patchwork story that’s well worth the viewing time.

Sharp Objects

As discussed above, this is a thriller/mystery adapted from the page to a miniseries for HBO (but google it and you can stream for free). Amy Adams portrays the main character, and it’s about 75% true to the book. It’s not as good as the book, as most of these things turn out to be, but it is good. Lots of angst, illness/injury, emeto, etc. But, as I said, it’s like Criminal Minds in terms of content. TWs abound.

Films

First Man

This is a perfect film. It’s a biopic, and there’s not a lot of action, but it’s thought provoking. It’s exceptionally well-written, the acting is spot-on, and the music and visuals are beautiful. It makes a man’s extraordinary experiences into something intimate and relatable by de-mystifying it. Fight with the wife, swim with the kids, go to the moon, ho hum. Tis the rhythm of life. It’s all presented at the same pace, with much gravity (pun intended) given to body language and well-placed symbolism. It’s definitely a shoe-in for awards, and it’s my pic for Best Picture.

Isle of Dogs

This is a bizarre piece, but it’s genius. A bit like American Vandal in its way of being simultaneously sincere and off the wall, this animated film occupies an awkward collegiate space--it’s not for kids, yet not really geared for adults. It’s funny, cynical, and very sad, though it’s not that kind of sad dog movie (again, spoilers, but I’ll say that it’s ok to get attached to your favorite characters). This film is art, for sure, and it’s also extremely enjoyable.

Boy Erased

This is a tough watch, because the TWs are the plot: A boy struggles to come to terms with his sexuality and recover from the trauma of sexual assault while participating in an abusive conversion therapy course. There are no plot twists. It’s exactly what it sounds like. But the acting is gorgeous, especially Lucas Heges as the main character and Nicole Kidman as his mother. It’s a beautifully angsty movie. It has a largely hopeful ending, but there are almost no lighthearted moments. All the same, it has a satisfying feel, and didn’t make me feel down when I left the theater.

Colette

This is the ceiling-shatterer of this awards cycle. As promised in glimpses of the trailer, it’s ground breaking in its portrayal of female agency and LGBT characters in a historical context. The beginning is a bit slow and Jane Austen-ish, but from the midpoint to the end, there are multiple mind-blowing revelations and shocking lines that take the story from a little known page of history to a spectacle representative of the Parisian salon culture from whence it came.

Cam

I know this is a strange choice. It’s a second-rate, made-for-Netflix pseudo-thriller about camgirls and the horrors of modern technology. The reason it’s on my list, though, is because it’s very obviously meant to compete with Assassination Nation (even using some of the same actors), and, unlike its big-budget counterpart, it actually hits its mark. It forces the viewer to think about the lines between respect and abuse, exploitation and sex work, and the meaning of privacy in an increasingly digitized world,

Art

Artsnacks

Subscription boxes are nothing new, but I’m especially pleased with this one. Instead of just sending stuff, it cultivates a community. You receive a box of 4 to 6 art products (typically a pencil, a couple pens and markers, and a paint and/or brush--things that are expendable, so you don’t accumulate junk even as a long-time subscriber) and a piece of candy. The game is to use all the products in the box to create a piece and post it on social media, then connect with other artists. Artsnacks also releases collections and pushes additional challenges (such as Inktober) that encourage skill development and interaction among participants.

#best of 2018 #laur talks #laur recommends

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 6 years

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Hello After the release of the PQ2 trailers, I would like to know why you like Minako / Hamuko so much?I do not understand why a lot of people like it and I do not say that in a way that bothered me, I just do not understand.

Before I can get to her, I need to give a backstory on my relationship with P3. And really just a summary of how I got into Persona in general. But yeah, in this literal essay I will (attempt to muddily, and kinda all over the place) explain how I fell in love with a character I was 100% neutral on, on a game I had a rocky relationship to begin with, and how she actually made me appreciate both that said game AND the MaleMC (who I also had a rocky relationship on) more and more as the years went by.

I should note I played the Persona games in this order: P4 (PS2, newly released), then P3FES, then Persona 1 PSP (didn’t finish tho), then P3P (and basically from the P1PSP on I roughly played them in order of release as we got them, so yeah....the thing to note is I played P4 first, then the original male P3 then years later I played the FeMC, so I did not experience her first).

Now I REALLY loved P4 when I played it, colorful cast, really loved their hijinx and chemistry, and the shadow Selves were just so much fun and dark. I thought the plot was fine, not god’s gift to this earth but it was fun. I found the characters and setting to be the biggest draw (I mean P4 is character focused not plot/story focused so that makes sense). I researched the series and found P3FES. People said it was a lot better than P4, I wanted to try and get P1/2 but.....yeah the only versions were PS1 and they were expensive, and I am but a freshman in high school with no job (too busy being an athlete and studying) and am lucky if I can beg my parents to let me get these games. And there was no way in hell I was getting P1/2EP which were both like $100 (I had to beg for P3/4 which were like $30 each).

Anyway I got my hands on P3 and......I....really didn’t like it. I liked the music, the setting, the style, and I was fine with the slightly harder combat cause of the AI (I accidentally played through all of Kanji’s dungeon with AI on not knowing I could change). But.....I didn’t like the characters. I got to Fuuka’s full moon before I had to put it down. I thought Junpei and Yukari were too mean, I hated I couldn’t SL with anyone on my team yet, Mitsuru/Akihiko were too distant, and the SLs i could SL were.....not really that great, and the MC was....really dull....like he was mostly neutral or silent (as opposed to Souji being funny, rude, neutral, silent, caring and a lot of interesting things with his dialogue options), sometimes he’d have a harsh but funny line but of course if I chose that I’d get a reverse link so that sucks. I decided to replay P4 again, trying to find what it was that really drew me to the series. By the end of that second playthrough I decided to pick up P3 again, give it a second chance (even tho Junpei and Yukari almost killed it for me).

I powered through, got into a rhythm, opened up more interesting links (such as the bookstore people and Maiko). It still wasn’t as good as P4 imo, the feel was different, but it was more I felt the cast was too distant and ridged to the plot. It wasn’t that they were there own people with their own arcs, but that I ironically didn’t find them as fleshed out as P4′s (which was more character focused so maybe that explains it). But then I got to Aigis, and the plot really picked up (years later I find that’s where some people felt like P3 started getting good). And I ended up liking it! I didn’t love it as much as P4 (and I had a lot of issues with the way they handled how the P3 kids got closer, aka I feel like they it could’ve been better), but I did like it and appreciated it despite my rocky start. I should also note I did like Shinji, like “Oh neat design” and then when he died I was like “Oh welp that sucks” but I never blamed Ken, and I wasn’t a rabbid fan shipping girl for him (I did jump on the FeMCxShinji train for a ship tho, just cause I saw other people like it and I prefered it the most out of the other options at the time, but actually FeMCxTheo was my first ship for her XD)

Then P3P was announced. Me who had a PSP for P1 and KHBBS was like “Oh ok cool.” Then I saw there was a femaleMC and I saw the opening (cause iirc they announced it with an opening) and I was like “OH no this is horrible, I can’t believe they’re making Yukari an MC!” but then I looked at it again and realized it was some new character and was like “oh phew thank god, huh I wonder how you’re gonna be handled” (which is funny, because Soejima accidentally mistook the Concept!Heroine of P3 for Yukari, like he didn’t realize those were two separate characters in like the really early days of P3, so they have very similar concept designs. I think they even share one design XD). So yeah my first impression was a false negative turned into a “Ok cool I’ll try it out.”

So months later it comes out, and I get it. And I start playing....and I don’t stop. Not like with FES. Like it had been awhile since I had played FES, and I knew if I “powered through it” to get to Aigis it get better but.....I...didn’t need to. Junpei and Yukari were a lot more tolerable, and I think that’s thanks to the SLs we got. And like WE GET TO START THEIR SLs EARLY! AND THE BOYS GET THEM TOO???? Like hot dang! Like Yukari, she’s available right at the beginning! You don’t have to wait! No like even if you are NG+ max charm, I had to wait till like Aigis joined before her SL would actually start (there’s a date restriction on top of it for the male, at least in FES I realized 2 years ago when I played it with some college friends). And Junpei, Ken, Ryoji, Koro, Shinji, and Aki (all characters that really needed a link to expand on them more) get more development! And Rio and Saori are great, Rio’s link is 1000% times better than Kazushi’s link (I hated how the only positive options is letting the guy just crumble, I felt like a horrible friend a lot of the times with the MaleMC, which is weird cause every non-main game iteration acts like he’s a great friend). Saori replacing Maya, well that and Akihiko replacing Minato’s Star guy was saddening, cause I liked them. But thankfully it was an even trade. The rest were a trade up from the MaleMC (Junpei was a lot better than Kenji, wasn’t a fan of P3!Chihiro, very creepy, and remember I saw her in P4 first and thought she was fine, I was sad about Yuko but I kinda like Koro more so...*shrugs* more or less a fair trade, Shinji was obvie a trade up, and I think Ryoji was a trade up from Mr. Fortune guy whom Yukiko would pretty much rip off his SL beat by beat but somehow do it a liiiiitle better). I also liked how Fuuka’s SL was changed....only cause I tend to remember a liiiiiiitle bit more of her FeMC link than I do the Male one (sadly I just....can never remember her whole link....). So I would say she had the “better links” because it helped expand more on the MC’s relationship with the guys and Ryoji (which I found was really lacking on the male side, esp when Junpei tries to claim us as even...normal friends). Not that the Male’s were (all) horrible, but the FeMC does replace a lot of the worst ones (namely, imo, Moon, Magician, and Chariot) with a lot better ones, and the good ones she also replaces are met with a pretty even/fair trade. Also again, Male SEES+Ryoji SLs. I mean Shinji/Ryoji’s links you need to “bust your balls” for those two, but...not really. XD I’m pretty sure (at least with Shinji, need to double check with Ryoji) as long as you say the right stuff, you get a rank up. The real ball buster was the Male’s side because you 100% need a guide to get every SL on his side, FeMC has a bit more freedom (not THAT much but a bit more).

She also had a larger range of personality options (aka it’s not her only personality, she could be a lot of different things) than the MaleMC (so she was similar to Souji in this regard). I could make her be a bitch, maker her peppy, nice, angry, conservative, a lot of things. I felt like there was a lot more to do with her (have her be emo? Sure! Have her be nice? Sure! and so on and so on). I felt like she was more than just being “there,” more than being along for the ride. I loved her anger issues and violent tendencies, the fact she was dark enough to be willing to kill someone, the fact she’s probably a stepford smiler and is actually really hurting underneath it all. I liked how she had personality you could trace and piece together and mess around with to make a different combo of FeMC, as opposed to MaleMC who is just....kinda there....his options are...there most of the time (sometimes some personality leaks out but not a whole lot)...and you have to come up with a personality all on your own instead of piecing together traces of one (they at least adapted this well into the movies by making him numb and depressed and then recovering as a means to explain this odd detachment in the game, but you probably don’t see it when you are first playing without that context). She could be more vocal at times (not all the time but times where the MC wouldn’t talk she would sometimes have an option to say something), she could also make a change as well (Shinji’s link). So yeah I liked how her side had some impact and could change some things. (I mean, in retrospect, I wouldn’t have minded if she had changed more, but I also gotta remember this is a PSP era game). But most importantly, I felt closer to the team. The SLs helped sooooooo much, I felt like the core of SEES, I connected everyone, we were all a unit. The extra events, even if they were the same as the male’s, felt deeper cause I felt like I was hanging out with an actual coworker turned friend rather than a ‘coworker who says I’m their friend but I don’t feel like we got there yet” type of feeling. When anyone was like “dang we friends” I was like “hell yeah we are.”

I also like how, while she’s a bit more upbeat and friendly, it fits with the game. The game does start off light guys, it doesn’t really get dark-dark till Oct. If anything, her being friendly (if you player her that way) and getting along with people, and the just how it feels like genuine friends really feels more impactful when the dark stuff starts to come around....since she gets more shook and has to face the harshness and overcome it. It feels like it impacts her. MaleMC it....it can feel like it doesn’t as much (again the game, not the side content, the side content it does impact him). I feel like the MaleMC had a similar detachment as I did when I first played on FES. “Oh that sucks Shinji died, pretty sad, wonder what’s gonna happen next.” So like...THAT is just...there.....

So yeah, basically....I had issues with P3, and I felt like she fixed a lot, not all but a lot. Sure she has her own slew of problems (my issues are more that she might not change enough, like she changed enough to justify her, but I feel like they could do more. Also, connecting to that point, them repeating a lot of the same dialogue....I felt like some could/needed to be changed....Like Junpei’s jealousy works really well with the MaleMC but him suddenly being friends at the end doesn’t, while the FeMC they are friends....but he still has the same jealous out spurts and like......he can have that, but I feel like they should’ve changed it a bit and added more complexity to them since they are already friends).

Do I think FeMC is the better MC of the two? (Main) Game wise....yes. Her bonds are what I feel like is what Atlus wanted to do with the MC but messed up (evident with how they handle him with the manga, movie, dramacd, and PQ/P3D). Manga/Movie/DramaCD (and PQ/P3D) vs her? They are the same tbh, the FeMC is just the stronger game equivalent (bond execution wise, which was the male’s side’ issue and one that’s fixed in side stuff) to the other iterations of Minato than his actual equivalent imo.

Anyway, as the years went on I got more attached, esp when I compared and contrast the two MCs (btw as the years went on I grew to like P3 even more as well as Minato, so all of the above is just my first impressions), wished there could be a version of P3 where they are together, later wishing for a spinoff where there together, or a spinoff where she meets P4 kids cause I feel like it’d be interesting how she’d interact with them (cause it’d be different to Minato’s). Her clashing ideals with Male cast and P4 cast, her working together, working off each other. Her dynamic was just interesting, I saw potential and what she could bring to the table and it sucked she basically wasn’t allowed (mostly cause, as it was recently revealed, they didn’t know how to do it). I saw potential, and still do see potential, in the other MCs in all of the games, it’s just as each new entry came about....the need to see the FeMC’s utilized grew more and more (cause again, they were already utilizing P3/4MC’s potentials, and P1/2 were locked behind some possible legal tape, and PTS was retconned out with the only hope of it ever coming back being for it to be retconned again to fit into the story, so she was literally the only one of this group that could be used and had yet to be used). I also really wanna see a duo of FeMC/Minato and Tatsuya/Maya, I just....I really wanna....cause P2 had a lot of duality themes, and then P3 kicked it up to 20 notches, and I’d love to see P2/3 meld together! ;w;

(oh I should note I do like P1 and P2 a lot, I really love P1′s manga tbh, just in case anyone was wondering where I stood on them. So yeah it’s not like I only love P3P and P4. I actually like P2 a lot. It’s tied with P4 as my fav, tho FemC might be my fav MC, tho possibly tied with Maya and Souji. I do think they should come back, but I’m also aware they have....a stickier situation than the FeMC or even PTS.....and we all know where I stand with P5 so ahuhuhu 8U)

So uhhhhh yeah, that’s my story....on how I kinda slowly fell in love with this character, one of which I had a neutral stance (I didn’t automatically think “Female MC? Ok I LOVE her!” or think she was gonna change the game for me, it all just kinda happened). And how she made me appreciate P3 (and the MaleMC) more. And then by the time I realized it I realized I was in drought hell with pretty much nothing. :’D

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