#and kevin is grieving him already

[altruistic-meme]

reread the line "you should have been court." and am once again hating how people portray Kevin.

[lizzyflowers]

A little OCC but who's going to stop me? God? Anyways, have angsty DS!Nightmare. DS!Nightmare by Onebzzarekai Art by Me [@lizzyflowers] Ramblings below:

I need to have a situation where Nightmare just completely shuts down one day, maybe after Cross and Error's untimely death. They aren't immortal like him after all. Just Nightmare waking up in his bed, going about his day, until he slowly realises that the house has gotten quiet, too quiet. Far more than normal.

He searches around the house but he can't find them. Alright, he thinks. Maybe they just went out on a walk or something. Odd, because they would normally leave him a letter. Hours pass and they haven't gotten home yet. He calls them but they don't pick up, he searches the places they often visit but they're not there. Where, where, where. Where would they have gone? They couldn't have just left him, right? He searches and searches until he finds a pile of clothing covered in dust in an empty alleyway. Oh god. Oh god, what happened? Who did this? Why did they do this? He swears if those idiots got themselves into serious trouble he.. he'll... what will he do? He gathers the dusty clothing, clutching it tight to his chest. They're gone, they're gone and now he has no one.

I think he'd grieve for a very long time, holed up at home. He probably would sleep in one or the other's room, his own space forgotten. It was already too empty without them. Too lonely, he took up too much space. Maybe he wouldn't go outside for a long time, Dream having no clue on his whereabouts. Maybe they would bump into each other when Nightmare finally decides to go out for once. Maybe to buy some food for Kevin, but not for himself. Dream noticing the shift in Nightmare's demeanor. They talk it out, well, i hope so. I'd like to think Dream wouldn't immediately arrest Nightmare on the spot after not seeing or receiving pranks from the other for so long. Maybe they'll reconcile, maybe Dream would comfort him, maybe Dream would just throw Nightmare in jail and finally execute him. Who knows. I just want Dream to hug and comfort Night is that so hard to ask-

[dayurno]

How does the breaking of Kevin's hand affect Transmigrator Riko's relantionship to Jean? You said Jean didn't believe he was changing, but what about the next months when Jean becomes his partner? Does Transmigrator Riko go to an awful grief period like SY does?

VERY GOOD QUESTION riko and jean never become friends even after transmigrator riko takes over and directly starts working on making kevjean’s lives more bearable—riko is switched around the time jean is 15, which means a lot of the bad memories jean associates with riko haven’t and will not happen, but what he does have is enough to know there is no world where riko just Turns Nice. at first jean thinks he is playing the long game and worries about what this could mean for kevin, who falls for it, and then as he grows older he learns to just avoid riko at all costs even if it means being subjected to the other ravens’ terrible personalities and constant bullying. t!riko still tries to intervene and help from far away, but the perfect court is much more fractured in this universe because riko doesn’t have as much centralized power as he once did, so he and jean only have kevin in common and that is about as far as their interactions go, too

this isn’t 100% set in stone yet but let me answer it in two parts. yes, riko does go through a grieving phase, and it wavers his position in the ravens for a bit. he is their infallible king, and kevin is the traitor who jumped ship, so why is riko so clearly miserable? it instills some seeds of doubt in him and his perfect court t!riko can’t afford at this point in the story, so he reverts a bit back into the original riko’s personality to hold down the fort. he’s still pretty miserable in private, because he’s grown to love kevin and because he feels guilty, and of course all of this does effect his performance, which in turn puts him in tetsuji’s line of sight again. all in all he’s not doing well at all, but he believes that it’s his penance for what he’s done, and things will not look up for him at all until neil josten shows up in palmetto and kickstarts the plot

now the other part: jean never becomes riko’s partner because transmigrator riko tells him to take kevin and leave when he breaks kevin’s hand. part of it is because he’s genuinely grown fond of kevin and needs someone to look out for him, but the other part is that riko can’t trust jean and especially not a jean that has never been broken into not hating him. it’s as much a decision for kevin’s sake as it’s for his own safety—the day riko breaks kevin’s hand is bloody in more ways than the original because jean is there and he’s not scared to brawl with a man he’s no longer scared of, and because he’s been waiting for the other shoe to drop and for riko to go back to the monster he was before he turned nice. kevin himself doesn’t want to leave at all: keep in mind he spent the last 3 years being actually, genuinely close to riko. he feels betrayed, yes, but he knows riko at this point; the decision to break his hand makes no sense and kevin wants answers. unfortunately he will not get them until much later, because he passes out and wakes up in david wymack’s guest room with jean, already far away from any answers he could get

[deobispresent]

THE BOYZ(더보이즈) [PHANTASY] Pt.3 Love Letter ‘Hurt Me Less’ FILM

Here's what I can see from the music video:

Hyunjae has died; his cool tone against the rest of the members warm tones are a clue. And many of members are crying or wounded while Hyunjae looks mournful and somewhat guilty. He starts the clock? and suddenly the members are going through the stages of grief.

There aren't any letters when Hyunjae is in the room, but letters, papers and the television can be seen for the rest of them.

Younghoon picks up a diary, reads it and immediately starts to cry. I wonder if it's Hyunjae's diary. The clock stops as well.

Eric, Sunwoo and Younghoon have the worst of wounds which means that they are grieving the most and can't move on. Chanhee is already showing signs of moving on since his wound is somewhat faded. He looks dejected, still.

Changmin, Kevin and Juyeon are the ones crying. The clock is still when Juyeon comes on and it seems like he doesn't want to move on. Changmin is writing things down, maybe a letter to Hyunjae or trying to come up with words to explain his grief.

Sangyeon is angry, he looks pissed while Haknyeon, Jacob and Kevin look like empty shells, staring at nothing.

Sunwoo looks into the mirror but doesn't see his wounds while Eric sees his, showing how Eric wears his heart on his sleeve but Sunwoo is trying to hide his hurt.

Hyunjae starts the clock again and now comes the hope. Their memories of him come out in bursts that's why the papers are flying everywhere. Sunwoo's and the others' wounds heal. The world is more brighter because of the light. They reach for the light, and they get up because it's time to to move on.

We see a letter, probably from Hyunjae. A love letter for his members, his brothers.

It looks like he is helping them move on. And that they did.

[imreallyloveleee]

for @auroraworldtourftbughead who asked about my "road trip to ohio" fic: ok so this is a s5 au that i started writing back in Feb/Mar. it picks up a few weeks after they find Polly's body, ie at the point in the show where it became extremely clear that they were just dropping the arc they'd been building for Betty & Jughead and veering off in another nonsensical direction. i really want to finish this one and correct the sins of late s5, lol. (and i just miss jughead's family!) here is a snippet from the beginning of the story:

It’s just past eight in the evening. She’s dragging the trash bins from the garage out to the sidewalk for tomorrow morning’s pickup when she sees him standing in the driveway next door, struggling to wrestle an oversized duffle bag into the storage compartment of his motorcycle.

“Jug. Hey.” She’s already halfway across the yard between their houses by the time he notices her. His eyes soften from surprise to mild concern as she approaches.

“Hey. How are you holding up?”

Betty mulls for a moment over her response. It’s a fair question to ask someone three weeks after they found their sister’s body rotting in the trunk of a rusting, broken junkyard sedan. She doesn't especially want to answer; she's just tired of coming up with ways to change the subject.

Thankfully the scene she's stumbled upon makes it easy. She gestures to the bag. "Hanging in there. What’s this?”

Jughead sighs, giving the duffel bag another half-hearted shove, to no avail. “I’m heading to Ohio for JB’s graduation.”

Recognition flickers dimly in her memory. He’d mentioned this to her weeks ago, when they were deep in investigation mode, one of probably a thousand things he’d said that had filtered in and out of her brain like water through a sieve. She’d said something like oh, my god, she’s graduating already? we’re so old! in response, and then promptly returned to obsessing over their latest clue in the hunt for the highway killer.

“But I guess the gift I got her is too big for this stupid thing –” 

“You’re driving all the way to Ohio on a motorcycle?” she interrupts. “In the middle of the night? Isn’t that, like, a seven hour drive?”

He shifts his gaze away from her, towards the Andrews house, which she interprets as yes, I know this is a dumb fucking idea and no, I don’t want to talk about it. 

After the last few months she's had, she can relate.

“It’s tomorrow,” he says. “I was supposed to leave yesterday, but – I kind of got distracted, with everything that’s been going on.” 

Betty tries not to react to that. He must mean “everything” that’s been going on with Tabitha – her parents’ arrival in town, their burgeoning relationship. Kevin had seen them out at a restaurant together with the Tates, holding hands at the dinner table. Betty wishes they’d just make it public already, post a couple's photo on Instagram or something. It’s getting uncomfortable, pretending she doesn’t know.

He's muttering to himself, hoisting the duffel bag out of the storage compartment and onto his shoulder. "Maybe if I repack this into a backpack instead…"

“You can take my car, if you want,” she offers, and then, without allowing herself to actually consider what she’s proposing, adds, “Or…I could come with you.”

Jughead freezes, his eyes darting from her face to her car where it sits in the opposite driveway, and then back again. “Oh, no – I couldn’t ask –” 

“We could tag-team the driving. And I’d love to see JB and your dad, and…everyone.” She doesn’t actually know if Gladys is still in the picture or not. “To be honest, I – I really need to get out of this house for a few days.”

She knows how she sounds: desperate. But she also knows that if anyone in her life can come anywhere close to understanding what this is like – what it means to be the child of a parent who is a walking, weeping open wound, a gaping hole of need that cannot possibly be filled – it’s Jughead. 

(And she feels guilty for thinking of her grieving mother in those terms, she really does, but the truth is she’s suffocating. Put on your own oxygen mask first, Dr. Glass told her all those years ago. It was just about the only useful thing he'd imparted to her in a cumulative sixteen hours of therapy, other than a prescription for Adderall.) 

“At least take the car,” she insists. “You can’t even fit your stuff in here.”

Jughead’s lips press together. His eyes flit back towards the house again – only the garage light is on, which is where he’s been staying. “You’re sure you want to sit in a car with me for seven hours? I’ve got terrible taste in music.”

Her face breaks out into a tremulous smile. It feels weird, but good – the first uncontrolled display of emotion she’s had in weeks that wasn’t borne of despair. 

“I’m sure.” 

[shallowseeker]

Sam and Dean are grieving the loss of Mary, Jack, and Rowena very differently in 15x06 Golden Time.

Sam is throwing himself into the mission and rushing to rekindle the thing with Eileen. Dean, on the other hand...is stuck.

DEAN IN STASIS

INT. MEN OF LETTERS - KITCHEN - NIGHT

ONE: Dean is eating Jack-type cereal. The lack of Jack mentions are LOUD, y'all. Jack's death too painful to mention, much less face. That's why Dean will later default to talking about Bel as "code" for Jack.

When Cas died, Dean ate PB&J, and when [OMITTED] died, Dean ate cereal. Cocoa Crunch. That's a Jack-coded cereal in the script, as Jack was shown eating Crunch Cookie Crunch last season.

TWO, wow--that is one SERIOUSLY DEPRESSED man. Sam is taken aback by just how depressed and downtrodden Dean is beneath his barbed jokes. //

SAM, INCENSED

Sam is soooo frustrated and mad about it. Here Sam is, working SO hard, and Dean's given up. (Not to mention, Cas is giving Sam the silent treatment by proxy. Poor Sam, really.)

Dean's not allowed to give up. He won't. He can't. Per season 15's The Trap, that's not the Dean who raised Sam.

///

Dean doesn't rise to Sam's irritation, not even a little bit:

Not vindicated, just deflated.

So, Dean goes back to stress-eating and watching his stasis-oriented comfort series to escape it all. Dean plays up the act, eating messily.

///

Cas is...who knows where he is.

(fatalistic)

What is a fatalistic person? A fatalist is someone who feels that no matter what he or she does, the outcome will be the same because it's predetermined. Fatalists share a sense of being powerless to change the world. In philosophy, a fatalist is someone who holds specific beliefs about life, destiny, and the future.

Chuck is hostile. Dean's life is a hoax. Mary is dead. Jack is dead. The future is dead. Cas is dead to him. Cas left him. There's nothing left for Dean to have faith in anymore.

There is no future.

Sam can't deal with a fatalistic Dean, so he goes for a run. Dean grabs more cereal and continue la wallowing in despair.

///

Meanwhile, Cas is finding a sense of renewed resolution

Dean may be fatalistic, but Cas becomes resolved to stand and fight Chuck.

(Cas has become seriously strong-willed over the course of the series. I'm so proud of him!)

The nice thing here is that Cas has BEEN fatalistic before, too. He was there in seasons 7-8, you know?

(In a way, Dean's where Cas himself was then! If Moriah-Dean is season 4-Cas, then Golden Time-Dean is easily a season 7-Cas.)

Anyway, because he's already weather existential crises and rebellion, Cas is better positioned to process, and he does.

(Sam, too, went through bouts of fatalism and despair, notably when he went AWOL on Kevin, "You're well and truly alone," etc, and purely driven by the need to escape, and then took on the Hell trials.)

Here, they're all suffering from the existential wound of Chuck and the loss of meaning in their lives, even Cas.

///

And Cas realizes something about Chuck's game, a resounding gong against his past escapism:

///

Off Cas, finally resolved.

///

DEAN SPIRALLING

Cut back to Dean. Self-defeated:

15x06 Golden Time

It is not until Dean meets up with his dark mirror in Lee in 15x07 Last Call that his will to fight returns.

It's no accident that Lee bears some resemblance to the Dean in AU Michael's Nihilism world. Dean had some contentment (not true happiness) in the falseness of Rocky's Bar, for sure, but it existed primarily as a means of fleeing the storm that was raging outside.

It was an anorexic happiness, a contented world of potential with no risks.

Lee is like the ghost of Christmas Future, and Dean finally rejects becoming his worst self.

(All scripts here.) via @spnscripthunt

[bklynmusicnerd]

Thank god he’s not actually dead because if Spencer’s character went out like this and this was his actually funeral episode….

I really can’t believe they had a murder memorial as well in the same area as the one she presumed murdered, just had to have Heather to say he murdered Esme but couldn’t have Nik be able to sneak out to visit his son?

And u know what I find weird, as much as the show is far up Sonny’ s ass, I’m surprised they didn’t let him have scenes showing his grief that his last physical memory of his sister Courtney is presumed gone and isn’t giving him scenes of him grieving harder than he is now.

I mean, it's almost like a the chicken or the egg type of situation. Is the writing for this so bad because it's setting up a temp leave of absence or was any hypothetical "ending" for Spencer's arc always going to be this bad? Is the lazy plotting really what got them shown the door, or are we witnessing obviously lazy plotting in response to already knowing they were gonna be shown the door?

I found the Sonny scene super weird, too, with him going on about the "circle of life" cause Krissy's pregnant or whatever. But the show hasn't really maintained Sonny and Spencer's bond the way they should so I can't lose too much sleep over it.

All I know is, the temps would have given Trina much longer pov and would have honored Trina and Cam's friendship fr and Trina, Cam and Joss as a trio. It's bizarre that we can't count on the writers that technically established these bonds to do the same.

They're too busy making up an entire storyline of Kevin being a therapist to the sociopathic mooch he calls a niece that never happened. The nonstop attempts to gaslight the audience about what was and wasn't written are so audacious that it's almost impressive. Just the sheer contempt they had for the people watching their show and attempting to engage in their storytelling. We should just be really grateful that they won't have anything to do with his return from the dead.

[little-yugi-muto-rp]

Death Do Us Part

//final thread for @redemptionofthefallen

They knew it would come one day, and both of them dreaded it. But being reasonable and sensible, they had prepared for it. They'd been through a few losses already, and had drawn on those experiences to help prepare themselves and their son for the inevitable. But for all their planning and preparation, there was one thing they weren't ready for. One thing they'd never planned on. Never thought would happen.

They'd never thought that Yugi would be the first to go.

They'd been together a little over eighty years. Yugi had accomplished his (jokingly made) goal of living to be a hundred. He was now one hundred two years old. When asked how he'd done it, he always credited his family, his son, and especially the man seated by his bed now, holding his hand, lovingly brushing his silvery white hair back from his face, all with misty eyes locked on the face of his husband. Yugi gave him a tired little smile. Even after so many years, his smile still held just as much warmth as it had when they met.

His eyes moved to the man just behind Kevin. He had Kevin's red hair, though with tinges of black, and the blonde bangs of Yugi. He ended up growing to halfway between the heights of his fathers. Yamato Mutou was a very handsome man, with a kind face, soft eyes, and his shorter father's warm smile. He was a miracle of Kaiba's ventures into biotechnology. A combination of the couple's DNA, they had to let him develop over the course of nine months, just like any normal human, except he was in what had been dubbed a 'prosthetic womb'. His fathers were overjoyed to receive him, and he had grown just like any other child, with two parents who never stopped reminding him how much they loved him.

Now he found himself saying his final goodbyes to one of them. And it hurt.

"Sa Mekh..." he choked out when Yugi beckoned him closer. That was what he called Yugi, to differentiate between his two fathers. They had decided on it when Yamato was old enough to do so and had displayed his father's love for Star Trek. Now Yugi smiled fondly at the name as he held out a familiar golden box. Kevin knew it as the box that had once held the Millennium Puzzle, but now held Yugi's dueling decks. The one his grandfather gave him and the ones he and Atem had made for the ceremonial duel.

"I want you to have these, my son." He said. Yamato carefully accepted the box. He hadn't really gotten into the game, but he knew the decks were very special to his father, who even now was still known as the King of Games, and that made them important to him, too.

"I'm not telling you you have to play." Yugi said, "Two of these were gifts to me, from my father and grandfather. Two people who meant so much to me. I kept them because of that, even when I stopped dueling. A lot of memories were made with these and the people who built them. We've told you all the stories. All the times our decks were there for us, and never failed us because we believed in them. I want these to be your reminder that we are always there for you, and we will always believe in you. Me, your grandfather, and your great grandfather." Yamato smiled. He had always loved those stories, especially when he was introduced to the people who had lived through those events (and then learning his grandfather was in fact Pharaoh Atem himself, though Atem had to wear the outfit again to really sell it).

His great grandfather sadly wasn't in his life for very long. Solomon had gotten to see the birth and early years of his great grandson's life, all the early milestones, including the little one's first day of school. He had passed, sadly, in his sleep when Yamato was six. Yugi had spent several days grieving in the arms of Kevin or his father, sometimes both, and had written some absolutely heartbreaking songs while he did (which of course became big hits for the band). Only later would he learn how Solomon had saved Yugi's life by asking the elderly woman who lived next door to Yugi's parents to keep an eye on the boy and taking Yugi in after his parents nearly killed him and fled.

Atem had been a huge presence in Yamato's life, learning all he could about being a grandfather from Solomon. He'd also been to every one of Yugi and Kevin's concerts in some way (even if he wasn't there physically, he always videoconferenced in, and usually one of their road crew would set up a monitor in the audience so the two could see that he was there, being the supportive father Yugi never had. He would often let Yamato stay up late to watch with him if the boy so chose, and the kid had been to their shows live, too. They spread their tour dates out so they cod have more time at home with him, too. Even when his parents were out of town, if he had a school play or a game, he knew he could look out in the stands and see them on Atem's laptop. They weren't physically there, but they were there. They never missed anything.

Atem's death hit all of them hard (he'd been granted a second life, but not an eternal one). The gods themselves had actually come for this one. However, they were assured by Osiris and Ra that the Mutou family would be together in the afterlife.

"ALL of the Mutous." Osiris had said, looking directly at Kevin and Yamato.

Still, that guarantee didn't make this hurt any less.

"I know it's time. But......I have......one last song for both of you. I want you both to always remember it, especially when you feel alone or you miss me more than usual." Music had been such a huge part of all their lives, it was no surprise Yugi wanted his last words to be a song. He had Kevin help him embrace both of them.

"I love you both so much, and I always will. I'll wait for you in the afterlife, but don't rush to get there. Because I'll still be watching over you the whole time. Always remember," And then Yugi sang. One last time.

"… Just 'cause I'm leavin' It don't mean that I won't be right by your side When you need me And you can't see me in the middle of the night Just close your eyes and say a prayer It's okay, loves, I ain't scared I won't be here, but I'll always be right there Even though I'm leavin', I ain't goin' nowhere I ain't goin' nowhere"

He smiled at the end as he listened to their responses. Then Kevin came in and with a last kiss said what his words couldn't get out.

It's okay. You can go now. I'll always love you, too.

And as the kiss broke, Yugi closed his eyes with a content, peaceful smile on his face as he lay in the arms of his husband and son.

And he went.

[imeanwhynotbruv]

Detroit become human Au

Robo Boy Au.

>>Ok hear me out, I know I have a lot of Au’s for a lot of fandoms already that I could just be adding to & trust me I will! Pinky promise! But I thought of this and I had to, I just had to!<<

Ok so Connor was never made to be a detective, instead he was a special order made my a family who recently lost their son in a tragedy.

Grace & Alan Stokes have 3 kids, Sarah (9yo), Michael (15yo) Harry (17-18yo) they were happy normal family (just basic cliche fam)

Then one day Harry dies saving people (maybe from a gunman idk) and it makes the news, people all of the city are devastated to hear about the young hero who had so much talents life be cut short, especially after he saves so many people.

So CyberLife reach out to the family out of the goodness of their heart (*cough* publicity & promotion*cough*) and offer to make the family a custom android to their design.

The Stokes are a bit hesitant at first but after a lot of promoting they commission the build of a teenage model with an athletic build and a unique face. They didn’t make it look exactly like Harry but like maybe could’ve been a cousin or something. Thus Dennis (Connor, it’s Connor, just bear with me here) is created. Like he was Made to be the closest thing to a human (more so than any other child android yet) and is super high tech

So the Stokes think everything is going to be fine, this android is human enough that you wouldn’t immediately pick up on the fact he’s an android if you didn’t know. But he’s not human enough for them. He’s not their son. He’s not enough like Harry. He’ll do little things wrong because “Harry would never do that”

The son Michael takes out his frustrations on Dennis because he’s a machine that can’t feel pain, and the parents won’t intervene because it’s better he does it to a robot than to someone who annoys him at school.

The daughter is nice enough but she’s young and grieving her brother. She doesn’t see Dennis as her brother, she doesn’t see him as someone who’s trying to replace her brother, she just sees him as a doll living in their house.

One day,Alan, who has never been a violent man, loses his shit at attacks Dennis (starts to road to deviancy) then when he regains control of himself he’s horrified because whilst Dennis isn’t Harry’s replica, he does look similar and deffo looks like a teenager. So Grace & Alan decide it’s better if they stop playing pretend and try to get therapy or something.

So they log into a sketchy website bc it’s the quickest way to get rid of Dennis without there being some kind of scandal. They give him to this sketchy guy who takes Dennis away so they never have to see him again. Dennis ends up being locked up in a basement closet thing for a while (the fear adds to his building deviancy)

Then Dennis gets sold to this guy who has an old child moddle named Sam who’s just so sweet if a little glitchy. The guy is an asshole and puts Dennis through hell but Sam makes it a little better.

Then one night the guy loses his shit and permanently breaks Sam and almost does the same to Dennis. Seeing Sam die and knowing that the guy (fuck let’s call him Kevin) wont face any repercussions from that + the fear for his own life finally sends Dennis into full deviancy.

Dennis defends himself agains Kevin and knocks him out but doesn’t kill him (at lest I don’t think so )

Dennis escapes and while hiding on the street meets a girl, Ruby Adams who’s a human.

Ruby takes him in, shows him where her and the other street kids hang out, she also doesn’t care that he’s a deviant. She also never calls him Dennis.

Ruby is also a hacker.

Ruby teaches Dennis how to hack with a computer and that then translates into him being able to go even further than anyone has been able to ever go. They have some fun shenanigans and Dennis becomes one of the biggest pains in the ass the DPD has to deal with. ( like he can fuck shit up by just looking an focusing)

Ruby asks him if he likes being Dennis, as he never got a choice on who he could be & he realises he never wants to be Dennis again.

So Ruby helps him become someone else. So then we get the birth of :

Connor Evans.

Then a raid on the hideout by the DPD goes wrong and Ruby is killed but Connor escapes.

Connor continues hacking and helping some of the deviants he comes across.

Eventually gets picked up by Hank.

At first Hank doesn’t give two shits about this cocky little asshole, but then Connor keeps escaping & the DPD keep catching him to the point it becomes kind of like a game & a running gag between the two of them. (Maybe idk)

Then Hank realised their gonna permanently deactivate this kid and he realised he can’t live with that.

So Hank basically kidnapps Connor and hides him in his house whilst hunting other deviants to see if he can find someone to help this kid out.

Hank realises he’s becoming very attacked & so does Connor so we get a lot or Angst then feels

Of course all our other fav android friends join the fun and various points

•••

Ok I feel like I went on a bit so imma stop there. Not sure how or what I might change but I like the idea of hacker Connor so I’ll probably do something more with this but like I also have other drafts for my other stuff I need to finish 😅

Let me know if you like this or have any questions/ suggestions

Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed.

Tag: HackMyHeartAu

[thenexusofsouls]

When Strange said he was inept at protecting people, Mantis shook her head. “I disagree. I saw you fight to protect the Time Stone and half of all life. Besides, the fact that you chose to be a doctor in the first place tells me that you want to save people. I…” She swallowed. “I know what being inept at protecting others looks like, and it does not look like the things you do.” It looks like the things I did. Her siblings… Thousands of them. All of them gone, except for Quill. “I would say you are not inept. I’ve seen you in battle. You were doing great. All of us were. But I had to run my mouth and Nebula put two and two together and my brother was too grief-stricken to restrain himself…”

She threw her hands over her mouth, as if to contain the words she already said. “Um… my adoptive brother. But not really?” Okay. Drax knew. And maybe he thought he was invisible, but he was a good friend and he kept her secret. If Drax could, Strange, who had been keeping an Infinity Stone, could keep it too. Mantis removed her hands from her mouth. “We have the same father. Ego. A god and omnicidal living planet. But everyone thinks that Ego found me in my larva state, including Quill himself.” Mantis rubbed her eyes to hide her tears. “That is why I wanted to bring Kevin Bacon to him…”

But then he said he was sorry no one protected her growing up, and her eyes welled up again. So he did care. She shrugged slightly. “I didn’t even know parents were supposed to love their children… until I met Drax. You might remember him, he was on Titan with you, me, Tony and the two Peters. Drax… lost his daughter. He lost his wife, too, but he told me his daughter was like… like me, and…” Words failed her as she remembered the moment that changed her life forever. Drax grieved for his daughter because he loved her. After learning that, Mantis turned against Ego. After learning he was supposed to love and protect her, and all of his offspring. But instead, Ego did the opposite.

She breathed in slowly, reminding herself that Strange didn’t want to be touched by her, before proceeding to spring in his direction and hug him anyway. With her arms around his waist, she kept her hands clenched into fists to stop the passive use of her powers. But any physical contact was enough, and Mantis tried so hard to ignore his emotions. “I promise I’m not peeking inside your head,” she said, her muffled voice weak with emotion. She wasn’t doing so actively. She didn’t want to learn about him against his will; about the panic in his gut and the pain in his hands. Shame, anger, loss. Despair and sorrow. Mantis held back her powers, gripping the cloak instead. If it had feelings, maybe her powers would go there and leave Strange alone. Well, assuming he didn’t push her away. “I miss my life before Thanos,” she admitted, barely holding back a sob. She missed being alive, not dead and resurrected. She missed feeling light, not heavy as she felt ever since she was inside Thanos’ head. She missed Gamora.

Pulling away, Mantis wiped the outer corners of her eyes. His anxiety lingered within her. Her hands hurt. Returning to Brumbin’s side, Mantis listened to what Strange was saying about magic and science. She didn’t know how her powers worked, but she knew she had been the first one to turn to dust on Titan. Thanos wasn’t stupid. Reassuringly patting Brumbin’s arm, she made her antennae glow once again to keep his attention. Her eyes returned to Strange when he mentioned things such as diet and exercise, and Mantis smiled. There was the doctor behind the Strange. “Your medical knowledge must be extensive, but it applies to humans. In any case, thank you.”

When he brought up her potential, her eyes narrowed a little. How much did he really know? “I don’t understand… What do you mean?” She crossed her arms, her eyes searching for his. He had seen too many things, and Mantis knew when and where. She had been there. “Those millions of futures you went through… They changed you, didn’t they? I think experiencing that would change anyone.”

__________

“And I failed,” Stephen said bluntly. if Mantis was going to keep pushing, if she wasn’t going to let him escape with a snide or deflecting remark, then she was going to have to deal with the snark and defensiveness that came whenever he was backed into an emotional corner. “I gave him the time stone, Thanos destroyed half of all life, and maybe the Avengers were able to undo that, but were they? Really? It wasn’t undone, it was fixed, in the worst way possible. The universal equivalent of trying to fix a wet cardboard box with tape and staples, it just doesn't. Work. It cost lives. Natasha’s, Gamora’s... The people who went on living aged five years, they were traumatized, they were changed forever. The people who didn’t... came back to find their spouses had married other people, their houses were sold, their cars gone, their savings accounts nonexistent. They came back to a changed world, changed loved ones, and that’s if they were lucky. If they weren’t, they found out their loved ones died in other ways while they were gone. Maybe because they weren’t there to take care of them. Maybe because they couldn’t go on without them.”

He stopped for a moment, feeling like he was going to far, but the flood gate had been opened and some water needed to be poured out before the dam could be restored. “I didn’t protect anybody, I did the best I could and it wasn’t good enough.” And. And? “People have behavioral patterns. Humans, at least, I can’t... speak for your kind or others, but human behave in patterns. My pattern seems to be that I try to protect everybody and...” And. “...and end up protecting very few. I’d tell you to ask my sister, but she’s the first person I tried to protect and didn’t.”

Ooh. Shit. Gotta get that dam back up, stat. Deflect. Talk about her.

“You didn’t-” He sighed heavily, hating the way his voice and hands trembled. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Mantis. It wasn’t your responsibility to save the universe, it was mine. It was... that of people like me. And you’re right, I’m not inept, but knowing how to fight a battle and knowing how to win one are two different things.”

The comment about her brother, though... That was enough of a distraction for him. “Brother?” he asked. Listening to her explanation, he nodded. “I see.” Seeing how dejected he was, the empathy he always swore he didn’t have welled up inside him and he couldn’t just leave her in that state. “Aw, Mantis, look... There are... an infinite number of types of families out there. Not even out there in the space sense, just right here on Earth. Families with mothers and fathers, or only a mother or only a father, or two mothers, or two fathers, or adoptive parents, or no parents at all. Some are loving and ideal, some are loving but everyone still struggles, and some are not loving in the slightest. There’s no one rule to how a family should be constructed or how it should conduct itself.” 

“Everyone needs to find their own way, even inside a family. Every parent-child relationship is going to be different, just as every sibling relationship is going to be. If your father wasn’t loving to you, and you wish you had that, you could find it in a mentor or father figure. Or, you could be the parent someday that you didn’t have. It’s called breaking the cycle. Someone’s parents abused them, so they decide they’re not going to do that to their kids. Or someone never felt loved as a child so they decide to love other people more freely. By not continuing the pattern of abuse or neglect, you not only do something good for yourself, but you affect future generations with your actions.” He stopped and sighed. “From what I’ve seen, you’re already doing that, so... great job.” He managed a little smile. He hoped that maybe that would help her to feel a bit better about herself, and give her some hope for her future as well.

But... it didn’t work. Horrible bedside manner strikes again... Stephen thought with grim self-loathing. Seeing Mantis’ eyes well up like that threatened to break his heart. “I’m... sorry...” Stephen said, not knowing what else to say to make Mantis feel better. Maybe there was nothing he could say. Sometimes emotions just needed to exist, no matter how much we wanted them to-

The hug was totally unexpected. Stephen froze for a moment, wondering why she’d want to touch him since her empathic powers would surely flood her with all his negativity and thoughts of inadequacy. But then she said she wasn’t trying to look inside his head and he just... hugged her back. Slowly. Awkwardly. hugs... were not something Stephen gave or received often. Not by choice. Yes, by choice. Except not. He wanted to be hugged more often, but he didn’t allow it. He wanted to hug others more when they needed it, but he didn’t know how. Mantis had made the first move, and so that made it slightly easier for him. He teared up as well, swallowing hard as he hugged her protectively, wishing he could make things better for her.

“It’s normal and natural to feel that way...” he said. “I miss my life before Thanos too. I think there are a lot of people who feel the same. You’re... you’re not alone in that sentiment.” The cloak, either affected by their emotions or wanting to simply be a part of the moment, reached over from Stephen’s shoulders and curled around Mantis. 

Brumbin huffed out of partial boredom and partial confusion. These creatures made a lot of noise and seemed to be upsetting themselves. Why? He felt really good, so why couldn’t they? He still didn’t know where he was or how he got here, but that’s okay. All would get sorted out soon, he assumed. And in the meantime, there were plenty of interesting new things to look at and maybe play with!

When she pulled away and said his medical knowledge only applied to humans, Stephen wanted to say that, by now, that medical knowledge was probably severely lacking. Doctors - especially ones in particularly complex fields like neurology - needed to constantly stay abreast of new innovations, equipment, discoveries, methods, and diagnoses in their field. Although Stephen still did keep up with reading some medical journals here and there, it was more because he refused to let go of his identity as a doctor, even now, than it had to do with maintaining his expertise.

He should’ve known that comment wouldn’t get by Mantis without follow-up questions. “Yeah...” Stephen said rather ineloquently. “They did. Thoroughly.” He didn’t mean to sound so ominous, but it was true. The time, experiences, traumas, excitement, loss, triumph, pain, fear, hope of all those futures possibilities... it left him positively downright haunted. He dreamt about the worst of what he’d seen, and about the best. The nightmares indicated that he was still afraid of some of those paths and outcomes coming to pass, and the happy dreams were... so very painful. That is to say, he was happy in the dreams, but then awoke to realize... that that wasn’t the path the universe was currently on. His mind went from linear, focused, driven, and crystal clear... to fractured, chaotic, apprehensive, anxious, and craving more control over things. Stephen felt as if he’d left a piece of himself in each of the futures he glimpsed, and now he consisted of many fragments of a life strung together on strings. One tug, and all those fragments would be drawn together perfectly, or the string would break, and so would he.

“What I meant was...” Should he tell her this? In a way, he already had, so he may as well continue. “... that in all those futures I saw, the many versions of you that I encountered had a great variety of powers. Some, you have already. But others... you don’t. Depending on how you grow as a person, an empath, and a magic wielder will dictate which of the powers I know you to be capable of that you will end up developing. In short, you haven’t reached your full potential yet.”

[crossover-enthusiast]

about that fic i mentioned with like streber and kevin and stuff..

i may end up turning it into an au instead, i might scrap or restart the fic or just make it soley into an au, but i'll go into the lore i have planned for it that i haven't already mentioned.

i'm going to call it the Beyond the Veil AU (BTV AU for short). As mentioned, it takes place in a timeline where candybats is official and also after Streber's canonical demise. Kevin had quit his job and is living with Radford, blaming Skid and Pump for Streber's death since it was found out on the surveillance cameras that Skid and Pump unknowingly left Streber there when he was still presumably semi-conscious. he doesn't want to see Skid or Pump ever again, he doesnt hate them but he just doesnt want to deal with the trouble they cause ever again; rarely leaving Rad's house tbh.

But- the main premise of this au is the same taken from the fanfic- Kevin believes he is being contacted by Streber's spirit, to the point he gains an obsession with Streber's messages and starts to practically lose his mind.

Radford notices how off Kevin is, to the point it really concerned him and he genuinely considered calling someone to help Kevin because he could tell he was grieving through paranoia and obsession. I'm still figuring out the specifics of what exactly IS contacting Kevin, but the idea of it is its not actually Streber; instead some sort of evil spirit wanting to gain Kevin's trust, his blind dedication, its main goal to eventually kill off Kevin.

theres more to it- but i'll save that for whatever i end up writing

Ooooooo

It could be a demon or spirit seeking a new vessel in the human world -- we know from the whole Moloch/Dexter thing that once someone is possessed the original spirit is ejected out of the body

[paperdrita]

Dragon spine tattoos

I thought, 'Oh, gosh', and it inspired me to contact him, to see if we could say 'hi' at the end of the show or something like that. I saw on TV, probably Loose Women, that he was in the show, and I was already taking my mother. "He came to my local theatre in Stoke-on-Trent. Kevin Bridges opens up on mental health after he considered quitting stand-up.Kaye Adams reveals why she joined Strictly Come Dancing after thinking she was 'too old'.The couple were in an 'on-off' relationship due to Darius' busy schedule (Image: Instagram) Read More Related Articles I loved him dearly and my heart goes out to his family, his wonderful parents and brothers." Speaking to MailOnline, she said: "I am completely heartbroken and feel like I have lost one of my dearest friends. Darius my love,” she posted alongside a flurry of love heart emojis.Ĭlaire began dating Scottish singer and theatre star around 2018, following on from his split from his Canadian actress wife Natasha Henstridge. I’m sure my love, you’re singing to the angels. “I’m beyond shocked and saddened and my love and deepest condolences go to his wonderful family. “This post is done with the heaviest hearts right now as I’ve heard the news today as one of my most treasured friends has suddenly passed,” she penned alongside a picture of the singer on Instagram. Coldplay pay tribute to ‘old friend’ Darius Campbell Danesh during Wembley concert.Gerard Butler pays heartbreaking tribute to 'brother in arms' Darius Danesh after tragic death.The former beauty queen was left ‘heartbroken’ by the news of his death, and had no idea about him having any problems or personal issues. Darius's close friends and fans across the world have spoken out and publicly mourned the star, and now his former flame has spoke of her heartbreak.Ĭlaire, who was dating the Colourblind chart-topper from around 2018, has paid tribute to her 'love' Darius a she grieves her 'treasured friend'. The former Pop Idol star was found dead in his Minnesota apartment last week aged 41, his family confirmed. Darius Campbell Danesh was in an 'on-off' relationship with Claire Caudwell, the former partner of phones4U founder John Caudwell, as she pays tribute following his passing.

[go-to-two]

“Grace” - Post 9x13 Upstead Fic

Messed around and wrote a post 9x13 Upstead fic. This might be a one-and-done for me, or I might try this out again sometime. Either way, this was fun!

Words: 3K

Warnings: Mentions of 9x13

This will likely be up on AO3 in the next few weeks when my invite is supposedly going to be extended. Wasn’t aware that was a thing- I’m new here, friends. For now, it’s under the cut. 

It's well below freezing outside by the time Hailey leans into Jay's shoulder from her spot on the stool as he stands next to her in the bar.

“You ready to go?” she whispers. She glances around the building, seeing that most other patrons were already gone. Hank had one drink, offered her a quick congratulations for her work, and went home. Trudy had called it after three shots with a parting statement that the heavy drinking was for the young. Now it's just the five of them- Hailey, Jay, Kevin, Kim, and Adam. They had passed a couple of hours swapping stories about theirs jobs or mishaps in dating or home improvement projects gone wrong- just chatting, like they used to do so often when they were younger and carried fewer scars.  

It takes one look at her for Jay to agree. He can see the exhaustion on her face and the half smile she gives him that doesn't quite bring out the dimple on her right cheek he's grown to love so much. She's tired, and she's ready to drop the façade.

“Yeah, I'm ready if you are,” he assures, so they say their goodbyes to the unit and leave them behind in the bar.

Hailey had insisted they not throw a big party for her ten year anniversary on the job, but she could tolerate a small get together. Even after the days she just had, she knew she could paint a smile on her face and accept her friends' congratulations over drinks. Now she just wants to be home.

The cold wind cuts through her coat on the short walk from the bar to Jay's truck, and she really can't remember the last time she felt warm. She has to lengthen her strides to keep up with Jay as the cold makes him quicken his step, and she reaches to link her arm with his to keep him close. If nothing else, she just needs him close tonight.

The lights on Jay's truck flash as he clicks the button to unlock it and she reluctantly pulls her arm from his to make her way to the passenger side. She hoists herself into the truck with a grunt while Jay slides into the drivers seat and immediately turns on the heat. He reaches over the center console to turn on her seat warmer, stopping to rub his hand up and down her thigh for a moment to give her some warmth.

“Sorry, it's going to take a couple minutes for this heat to get going,” he breaks the silence that they'd maintained since they said their last goodbyes in the bar. It wasn't an awkward silence- it rarely was with them- but was heavy nonetheless.

“It's fine, I'll live. I'm just ready to be out of here.”

He nods, pulling the truck from the curb and pointing them towards home. He tries to keep his attention on the road, but he can see her mind start turning in the silence. Now that there is no case to work or grieving families to comfort or coworkers surrounding her, he knows the distractions won't be there to quiet her thoughts anymore. He's been here with her before, though- watching her wage an internal war in his passenger seat. So he holds his tongue and waits, assured by her words and the ring on her finger that she'll come to him when she's ready.

*

“I should've known by the seat belts,” she says in a rush of words minutes later, almost startling him from his own thoughts as he drove.

“I... what?”

“The seat belts. When I pulled Mullen out of the car in the river, his seat belt wasn't on. He was unconscious, but his seat belt was off. I never had to unbuckle him.”

“Okay? Hailey, you're going to have to walk me through this one.” He keeps as level as he can while she starts rambling next to him, starting to release some of the emotion she'd been so successful at holding in up until this point.

“When I dove down... the car was on its side. I saw it sinking on it's side. So I pried open the driver's door and reached in to pull him out, but his seat belt was already undone. He wasn't conscious, so it would have had to have been unfastened the whole time. Like he got in the car in a hurry. Why didn't I notice that? I should've seen something was off. Why didn't I-”

“Hailey, that doesn't-”

“And her face, Jay. God, I can't get the look on her face out of my head,” she leans forward and presses her head in her hands, willing the image to go away. “She was so scared. She kept screaming 'save me'. 'Save ME.' I thought the fear in her eyes was from the accident and the water, but the last twenty minutes of her life were nothing but fear. She begged me to save her from all of it... from him... and I didn't.”

“Hailey, you couldn't have known, alright? You know that.” he breathes out, pleading with her to slow down enough to not let her guilt overwhelm reason.

“I'm a detective, though. It's my job to be observant and react to my surroundings,” she continues quietly, as if she's only talking to herself at this point. Jay looks over at her and sees how small she looks still hunched over in her seat. On a whim, he makes an abrupt right turn, steering them toward a new destination.

“Where are we going? Jay, I really just want to get home,” she asks when the motion of the car forces her upright again. She peers out the window, trying to recognize the residential streets he's turned down.

“I know, I know” he says softly. “I want to swing by the district real quick, okay? There's something I want to show you. Trust me?”

She stares at him wordlessly for a few seconds before she presses her lips together and nods, choosing to believe that he wouldn't be dragging her to the district this late at night if it wasn't worth her while. She leans her head back on the seat and closes her eyes around the tears that have threatened to fall, passing the next few minutes in silence until they arrive.

If the desk sergeant on duty finds is strange that Jay and Hailey are walking up to the bullpen disheveled at almost 11pm, he keeps it to himself and buzzes them upstairs.

“Go take a seat at my desk,” Jay instructs as he grabs a flash drive from the pile of paperwork on Ruzek's desk and wheels over a spare chair to pull up next to her. Hailey turns on some lights for them and collapses down into his desk chair, pulling one knee up to her chest. The bullpen is so quiet this time of night, the only sounds coming from his computer starting up and the hum of the fridge behind them in the break room.

“So, we found POD footage of the Columbus Bridge from the other night. Ruz pulled it early in the case thinking we may be able to pull an image for facial rec to ID Mullen. We couldn't get a clear look at his face, but we can still see everything.”

“You see the crash?” she asks as she takes the flash drive he offers her and plugs it in.

“Yeah, the crash. You. Everything. I wasn't sure if you'd want to watch it all, but I want you to really see something,” he says as the video loads and now sits ready to play on his screen.

Hailey stares at the still image on his computer. The bridge looks so much bigger than she remembered as she picks out her bright blue running jacket on her small frame in the far right-hand side of the screen. She's already lived what happens next, so there's little hesitation when she reaches to click play.

The footage begins, and she watches herself jog at a steady pace across the bridge as headlights become visible to the left, followed by the swerving car.

She's surprisingly calm seeing this part of the footage, but she feels Jay tense next to her as they watch the car swerve out of control, narrowly missing her before it careens off the bridge and into the water.

Hailey being hit by the out-of-control car wasn't really an alternative Jay had thought about when Platt first filled him in on the details of the accident. It's not really an alternative he'd like to think about now.

“I'm just going to fast forward a little bit,” he says as he leans over her to speed up the footage. The video plays at triple speed, showing her call 911 and running down the steps to the river's edge. 

“Here,” Jay pauses the video briefly while he moves to stand behind Hailey, bracing himself with a hand on each of her armrests, his body caging her in and her voice right in her ear. “I want you to look here.”

He resumes the video again at its normal speed as she jumps into the freezing water.

“From the time you first dove down after the car, until...” he fast forwards again until she re-emerges “...until you come up with Mullen. That's one minute and fifteen seconds. Hailey, that's barely over a minute for crisis response in freezing water. You're feeling this guilt now because you're looking at this case from the end result, backwards. You've had days to stew over every detail of this case, but here?” He motions to the computer screen, focusing again on her clinging to a ladder in the water with Mullen under her arm. “Here, you had one minute to make a decision and you did what we were trained to do. You help whoever you can, right? You're not expected to solve a crime you didn't even know existed in those conditions.”

She nods weakly and silently against his head where it rests over her shoulder.

“And you said Lisa's leg was stuck?”

“Yeah,” she clears her throat. “Yeah, it was jammed under the dashboard. She was trying to pull it free, but she was caught.”

“Then, Hailey, I don't know if this will help,” he begins tentatively, turning his head to speak softly into her neck, “but even if you had let Mullen sink and gone for Lisa, you probably wouldn't have been able to get her out anyway. Not without extraction tools and a lot more time than you had.”

He feels her slump further down in her chair as she still watches herself in the video. She's now diving and reemerging desperately, trying to find the car that had sunk far below where she could reach it.

She's unmoving- not angry, not weeping- just watching herself on the small screen.

He slides back into the chair next to her and reaches over to pause the video. As he pulls his arm back from the computer, he shifts sideways and moves his hand to cup her face, his thumb trailing slowly against her cheek.

“You told me once that I couldn't right every wrong. You remember that?”

“Yeah,” she whispers as a few tears threaten to spill again. That night in the bar feels like lifetimes ago to her. The night they sat and talked, just the two of them. She had wanted so badly for him to see in himself what she saw, long before they were them.

“Hailey, I need you to have that same grace for yourself.”

She just nods weakly again, not fully trusting her voice and unable to stop some stray tears from spilling out. She wipes them away quickly and composes herself as she nods again.

He still sees the doubt in her nod, and he knows he didn't fix everything in five minutes, but he also knows he would never be able to fix everything for her. She heard him, and that's enough.

He swipes his thumb across her cheek a final time before lowering his hand. His eyes are soft but they never leave her as she nervously turns back toward the screen.

“Jay, I hear you, but can we shut this down now? I really don't want to watch them pull her out.”

He knows what comes next on the footage. The long, painstaking process of Squad 3 pulling a crumpled car and Lisa's lifeless body from the river. He nods quickly, leaning over her again to shut down the video and pull the flash drive from his computer.

“Yeah, of course. I'm not too keen on watching you being loaded into an ambulance, anyway,” he breathes out and gives her a small smile. “Let's go home.”

She agrees without argument. Hailey shuts his computer down and turns out the lights as he stands to straighten up the chairs and return the flash drive to Ruzek's desk. He waits for her by the stairs with one hand outstretched. They're silent again as he wraps his hand around hers and leads them out of the district, but it doesn't feel as heavy. He doesn't feel like she's teetering on the edge anymore, just processing. So he gives her the space to do so as they climb in the truck again, and he steers them towards their apartment.

*

He follows her through their front door, turning to lock it behind them. They kick off their shoes and line them neatly in the entryway. He's placing his keys in the bowl by the door when he feels her reaching for his coat, sliding it from is shoulders to hang it in the closet next to hers.

“I showered at the district after getting back from the athletic club,” she starts. “So I'm just going to go straight to bed. Do you wanna shower and then meet me in there? I'll wait for you.”

“Yeah. I'll be quick,” he gives her elbow a gentle squeeze as he passes by her and disappears into the bathroom.

Hailey makes the rounds in their apartment, double checking the lock on the back door and closing the blinds before retreating to their bedroom. She strips off her flannel and jeans, replacing them with some sleep shorts and an old sweatshirt. She enters the bathroom for a few minutes to brush her teeth, glancing at Jay in the mirror a handful of times and smirking when she’s met with a soft smile and kind eyes every time.

She's been in bed for barely two minutes when Jay emerges from the bathroom, making good on his promise to hurry. He drops his towel in the hamper and joins her in bed with his hair still damp and wearing only the old, well-worn sweats she favors so much. She wastes no time before tangling her legs with his, reveling in the way the soft fabric brushes against her bare skin as she moves closer to him. Jay is met with a nervous smile as he settles to face her and wraps his arms around her to pull her to his chest.

“I'm sorry I scared you the other night,” she whispers as she rests her chin against his chest to peer up at him. “I'll always be the person that wants to jump in and help, and I know you are too. But I am sorry.”

She thinks about what it must have been like for him to get the whole story from Trudy- to not be there with her in the ambulance or in the hospital. She tightens her grip around his waist when she thinks about all the times she's been those places while he was the one in trouble. She knows that fear well.

“I know, it's alright,” he shifts one arm to play with a strand of her hair, twirling it around his fingers. “I'd never blame you for that.” He lets the silence takes over again and she relaxes against him, content to lie there and feel him breathe.

“Also,” he continues a minute later as the look of pride he wore earlier in the bar returns to his face, “I can't let you go to sleep without saying congratulations for ten years on the job. I don't think I've actually said those words yet. That's a big deal, Hailey, and I know the team is really proud of you. I'm really proud of you.”

“I think I knew that, but thank you,” she says through a growing smile. “I just wish the team could have been proud of me without pulling out my old recruit picture.”

He laughs quietly, leaning in to press his lips against hers slowly.

“One more thing,” he whispers against her lips. “Or rather, promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Skip your run tomorrow morning. Please?” he asks, putting as much levity in his request as he can.

“Yeah, I can do that,” she chuckles, maybe the first semblance of a laugh he's heard from her in days.

She pushes forward, finding his lips one more time before leaning over him to turn off the lamp on his bedside table. She lies back down beside him and burrows back into the warmth of his chest, pressing her lips against his shoulder once, twice before settling and finally closing her eyes.

Jay watches her try to sleep for several minutes before her breathing steadies against him and the exhaustion from the past couple days catches up to her.

Deep down, they both know this feeling of peace won't last, and it doesn't. Hailey is awake again a few hours later, the image of Lisa's face in her final moments still burned in her mind. Jay snores lightly next to her as she remains wrapped in his arms, counting his deep breaths to give her mind anything to do but dwell on the case. She's been on this uphill battle before, and she assumes this won't be her last. She's managed to find the light after devastation like this before, and she knows with Jay beside her and her team around her, she'll do it again.

[achilios]

fic recs!

quick little aftg fic rec list post while i procrastinate studying

PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF THE TAGS! aftg is a fandom that deals with very heavy topics, so this is especially important for these fics!!

odd eye - @tdashshirt

[ info ]

published 2021

andrew/neil

rated T (archive warnings: Rape/Non-Con - implied/referenced)

1/1 chapters, 16K words

tags: hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, canon-divergence (no drake incident), secret relationship, neurodivergent characters (neil, andrew and kevin are all nd iirc)

Andrew spends most of his childhood thinking he is a psychopath. He is not. Andrew is, and always will be, just Andrew.

amazing amazing amazing — my bookmark notes were "cries cries cries this is what healing feels like lol" which is still exactly how i feel, to be honest. it was so well written and soft, and had such good neurodivergent rep, i absolutely adored it.

we used to be friends - @gluupor

[ info ]

published 2020

andrew/neil

rated M (No Archive Warnings Apply)

20/20 chapters, 100K words

tags: au: highschool, veronica mars fusion, detective!neil, adoption, canon-typical violence, involuntary outing, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced murder

Neil’s life is thrown into disarray when his best friend is murdered. As he starts his senior year of high school, he finds himself on the outside looking in, a social pariah whose former friends are only too willing to bully and ostracize him. Working for his father, a private investigator, leads him to evidence that his friend’s murder may not be as straightforward as it seems. Neil throws himself into the investigation, hoping that solving the case might help him regain some of what he lost.

when my phone crashed about a month ago, this is one of the few tabs i didn’t lose, and i am SO glad i didn’t lose it. this fic was so well written, i loved that it incorporated elements from the original series without straying away from the highschool au/canon divergent plot.

learn to let go - skvaader

[ info ]

published 2021

minor andrew/neil/kevin

rated G (creator chose not to use archive warnings)

1/1 chapters, 9K words

tags: grief/mourning, jewish neil josten, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, implied/referenced child abuse, friendship, minor injuries

There’s a question on Kevin’s tongue, one he won’t let escape because it will lead to nothing and there’s no one to answer him. It weighs heavier each day. How do you grieve for someone who’s still alive, who might not be buried? Kevin doesn’t know how to tell Neil he’s already built him a funeral bouquet, that it’s heavy enough that the drawer won’t pry open as easily anymore. That it’s made from steel grey and rosy pink. Their days are running out and yet here Neil is, buying fruit because Kevin doesn’t dare to ask for a midnight snack.

um THIS was devastating. it has a happy ending but you can still feel the heavy grief and guilt Kevin is feeling throughout the entire fic, an it’s honestly heartwrenching.

the bachelor of baltimore - likearecord

[ info ]

published 2020

neil/andrew

rated M (no archive warnings apply)

5/5 chapters, 32K words

tags: neil josten as nathaniel wesninski, references to abuse, marriage of alliances, mild violence, au - no exy

Nathaniel Wesninski, the only son of the Butcher of Baltimore, has two options: choose a mob boss to marry for the benefit of the Moriyamas, or meet with an unfortunate accident. He thought he had it worked out. And then Andrew Minyard walked into his life.

this was genuinely a fun read, it was a bit angsty but it had a happy ending, and left me trying to find more fics with mob boss!andrew and neil.

a different matter - @djhedy and @annawrites

[ info ]

published 2020

neil/andrew

rated E (no archive warnings apply)

15/15 chapters, 59K words

tags: au - housemates, found family, pining, friends with benefits, friendship, explicit sexual content, non-sexual intimacy

After college, Neil is drifting and a bit lost. When Matt makes him move in with him and his housemates, Neil isn’t sure what to expect. Finding a family, having casual sex, and then promptly ruining that by falling not-so-casually in love is not on his agenda though.

this was sooo good that when i reached the end i literally went "nooooo" because i need more of this specific brand of andreil.

[podfic] right side of rock bottom - @frecklebombfic

[ info ]

podfic / original

published 2016, 2016

neil/andrew

rated M (no archive warnings apply)

1/1 chapter, 2-2.5 hours, 20K words

tags: emotional hurt/comfort, sharing a bed, post-canon, emotional healing, mentions of past abuse, pov alternating

Neil thinks it might be the first time he’s taken a breath in days. He hadn’t realised it because he’d been so caught up in packing and saying goodbye to everyone but now that it’s over he remembers his self-imposed countdown was meant to be up by now. It’s the end of the school year and five months ago, he thought he’d be dead by now. Instead he has a team and a future and a home and Andrew. (The last two might be interchangeable.)

this was the first ever podfic i’ve listened to, i was cleaning my room and decided to turn on something to listen to, and was immediately hooked. frecklebombfic is such a wonderful podficcer, and i’m so glad i got to listen to their podfic as my intro to podfics

that’s it for today! sorry for my prolonged absence, life has been hectic lately :) i know this isn't my usual content, but i've been reading lots of aftg fics lately, so i thought i'd share some of my recent favorits. i’ll hopefully be back to consistently posting sooner rather than later!

[justjstuff]

I don’t know what it is about Kastle that awakened this beast of an Angst Monster inside of me but I really want to write a fic post-tps1 pre-dds3 that develops into dds3 where for some Marvel Reason the Castle family comes back to life (and also Kevin just for the added angst) and they all have to deal with it.

Like. Definitely Kastle endgame but lots of Angst in between, ya know?

Recently I saw a post here about American boys coming back from the war with European wives and not knowing how to be with American girls anymore because they’ve seen death and found it easier to connect with people who shared their trauma and it got me thinking about Frank and what he says versus what’s actually the truth for him? I think I might not make a lot of sense here but my point is... Frank has a narrative he tells himself that he firmly believes to be the truth and it blinds him to the actual facts. Like how Schoonover and Billy betrayed him, how he felt like everyone should kind of see the world like he does, etc.

I know it gave a touch of realism to the series when Frank was talking about Maria and making a point to say that they fought and it wasn’t everything perfect but it got me thinking how he said that every time he mentioned her in dds2. This is a man who went through a very traumatic experience and is already looking back on his past only being able to think about the good stuff (he said so himself) and I found it so interesting how he still managed to have “bad” things to say about Maria and Frankie. Not bad as in criticising but bad as in not happy memories I guess or mentions of fights. I have a bit of a headcanon which can totally be wrong but I think it’s because Lisa is the only one in his family that Frank really had a strictly pure connection with. I might go back to change this phrasing since I’m not sure it really captures what I mean but let me explain.

Maria was a soldier’s wife through and through and while this isn’t common in my country and I can’t speak from experience, it feels to me like that might put a particular kind of strain on any relationship. We can see in the series when she talks about Frank leaving pieces of himself behind every time he came back and her feeling insecure (“Where is home?”) and I think that speaks a lot about their characters and their relationships, esp if we consider the fact that Frank is remembering all that with rose coloured glasses. I do genuinely think they had many problems and it really interests me to think how they would have dealt with them after Frank quit. That’s not to say I think their relationship was doomed from the start but my whole point is that for Frank there was a lot of love involved, yes, but also guilt, sadness, anger and resentment.

Then there’s Frankie which oof. He breaks my fucking heart. Out of everyone he’s probably the one Frank speaks about the least and it’s just so common for there to be distance between a father and his son esp when the father himself had a shitty relationship w his own dad. Again, Frank’s relationship with his son had a lot of resentment, fear and guilt involved, imo, he missed his goddamn birth for christ’s sake. But not Lisa. From day one, Frank took on the responsibility of being a dad and he wanted Lisa, she was his whole world, his sweet little girl who held him up when he cried. Out of all of them, she’s the one he mentions more, and that I felt (while watching dds2 just once) the one he grieved more in a way. Only because it felt like pure unadulterated grief with no other conflicting feelings in the mix. The only thing he ever mentioned feeling guilty of with Lisa was not reading her the story and then he latched on to that so fucking hard after everything (one batch, two batch, penny and dime).

Anyways let me get back on track. Just thinking about Frank coming back from his last tour and trying to fit into a civvie life already gets me thinking about how hard it would be for the Castle family. Remember, Frank didn’t join the Marines because he felt some sense of patriotism or whatever, he did it because he’d always had that war inside of him and Schoonover told his dad he’d be a good fit there. So yeah, we go back to Frank telling himself his narratives. Now, I’m not sure this was canon or fiction but the sentiment is the same even if he never said the words “If Maria walked through those doors and asked me to cut off my arm I would no questions asked”. Because of his loss, I think it’s very easy for him to fall into that mindset of “I would do anything for them” and simplify it a bit too much. Because the fight with Maria didn’t come out of nowhere, she had been feeling like that for some time and either they’ve been fighting about it for close to ten years or they haven’t but the problem was still there and I have no idea what’s worse.

Backtracking to Frank, I think one of his most admirable qualities is his loyalty. He treats people who aren’t blood like family and everyone he considers family has a special place in his heart and soul and he listens to them. Frank was pushing Gundel (was that his name?) forward when they were burying bodies and digging out bullets from civilian’s brains “It’s our orders” and while I don’t think he was unaffected, I think it was something he was prepared to do quite easily in some ways and that says a lot about him. Then he takes Rawllins eye and Billy, his brother, is there telling him to quit. Next, there’s Maria crying and asking him to come home. Frank doesn’t think twice about doing what both of his loved ones told him to do. Because Billy is his brother and Maria is his wife and those things mean something to him. Something really deep and really raw and intrinsic in his soul but... it doesn’t change who he is.

Again, I’m not saying they were doomed to fail (Frank and Maria) but I have a lot of doubts about them if they got to have a future together. First let me just say that I think the key for a good lifelong relationship is putting in the work every day and Frank and Maria had that down to an art imo. But it’s not the only thing. No amount of work can change a person’s knee jerk reactions, their base thoughts, the way they really feel deep inside. Sure, you can work to change habits and all that but how is it fair to have to keep fighting to change a part of yourself just for the sake of staying together? I dunno. This, of course, can be very easily argued with because everyone has an ideal relationship in their head and in the end I don’t really think there’s a right or wrong in this, just different opinions and perspectives. But my next point I can’t see a way around. Bc look. Frank and Maria had three months together before they had to get married because of Lisa. They were both really young (I’m thinking 21?) and immediately after Frank got deployed again and again and again, missing all this shit that was happening with his family. I have a friend who used to be married to an airline pilot (closest thing I can think of from “personal” experience), they had two sons and she said that she was basically a single mom for all the things that counted. Now that they’re broken up she can only remember the good things but still. Imagine Frank back at home after never having been home full time before. Imagine Frank, who has this darkness inside of him and that only snowballed with PTSD (bc really Frank? U don’t have it? Psht) and trauma and all that shit and he has no more outlet for it all. Because yes, he is a family man, but he only had to be a father and a husband for some stints of time and then he was being deployed again. Most of his time, he was used to having a family in war with his brothers.

Now, all of that was pre-Punisher Frank. Imagine Frank fresh out of avenging his family, changing names post-dds2 AND post-tps1 suddenly getting his family back. His family who he would do fucking anything for but they still haven’t been around for the past almost three years (i’m guessing, the timeline is so shaky). The past really traumatic and life changing three years of his life.

I already have a lot of headcanons for this but since this is a Kastle post and it’s getting way too big I’ll just backtrack to the beginning.

When I first started thinking about this scenario I only saw heartbreak for Karen (and Frank, really) but the more time passed, the more complex it got in my head and it all revolves around the canon relationship Karen and Frank have, more specifically, that it wasn’t about being together or being physical. (short disclaimer: I will never watch tps2 and I pretend it never happened). See, Frank in a lot of ways was still grieving Maria. I think he was still in love with her and he would always be as long as she was dead and the pain would never fully go away. Imo, I don’t think any of those facts were the reason him and Karen didn’t end up dating. I think they could (should) have ended up together eventually but those first 2/3 years where not only Frank but also Karen were hot messes with a bunch of shit thrown their way wasn’t going to be it. Instead, something much more meaningful and intense was building between them.

Shared trauma really bonds people and brings them together, it’s why Frank considered the marines his family and also why him and Karen got so attached to each other to the point that Frank could look David (who had been miserable for a year and a half because he lost his wife and kids and was at the end of his fucking rope) in the eye and compare her to Sarah. “Sarah is my wife, my family.” “So is Karen”. Again, the fact that they never shared a kiss or anything makes it all that heavier because their connection wasn’t because of attraction or lust or just loneliness, it was something so much deeper.

And if his family got back, his wife, I don’t think Frank would have any guilt associated with his connection with Karen. Bc even though to someone looking from the outside it might seem like they had something, in his head he wasn’t thinking in terms of this is my next girl now that my wife is dead. He wasn’t battling with guilt over his dead wife to make a move on her or not. He was just Frank and she was Karen and she became his family. They shared moments in the eye of the storm, she grounded him, made him remember.

And anyway, in the same way I don’t think David could have let Micro die, I don’t think Frank could keep the Punisher at bay, even with their families back. You can’t go back to who you were no matter how hard you try and once you get a taste for something so addictive as that, it’s really fucking hard to go pretend it never happened. This would be a story as much about the Lieberman’s as Kastle and the Castle family because oh wow how interesting would it be to explore it all?

Anyway, no one will probably read this giant post about weird ramblings but if you do and you’re interested to discuss it, feel free to reblog w your answer or dm me! <3

[thebookreader12345]

Stop the Violence

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Best Friend! reader

Summary: Y/N has been hiding her abusive past for all her life, and somehow, she’s managed to keep it a secret from Intelligence, and her best friend, Jay Halstead, this long. However, when someone sees something they shouldn’t have, Y/N’s world changes, and the only way she can get through it is with Jay at her side

Requested: Yes, by @virtualreader​

Warnings: abusive relationship, talk and depiction of a beating, alcohol abuse

Word Count: 1,764 Words

I tugged my sleeves down for the umpteenth time this morning, hoping that they would stay in their current position, but I knew they wouldn’t. I should’ve just worn a hoodie, but alas, all of mine were dirty, and since I didn’t feel like doing laundry last night, I was stuck with this long sleeved shirt whose sleeves never stayed all the way down my arms, and always found a way to ride up.

“You okay over there?” Jay questioned from where he was seated at his desk across the room.

“I’m fine,” I reply. “It’s just that these stupid sleeves won’t stay down.”

“Just role them up,” Jay proposed. “It’s warm in here.”

“It’s cool,” I insist. “I’ll just deal with it.” Jay hesitated, as if he wanted to say something, but ended up not talking and went back to doing his paperwork. That’s when Kevin and Adam entered the bullpen side by side, both with a cup of coffee in their hands. “Hey, guys. Either of you know when Voight’s gonna be in?”

“Uh, no,” Adam responded. “Why?”

“I need to run a quick errand. Cover for me?” I ask Jay.

Jay nodded. “Sure. Where are you going?”

“I’ve got to run an errand for my dad. I’ll be back soon,” I say quickly and stuff my phone into my pocket before heading for the stairs. 

My dad and I have never really been close. I was always closer to my mom, but when I was 16, she passed away from heart failure, leaving my dad to raise me all by himself. That’s when the problems began. My dad started drinking more often, coming home drunk after work. During these times, he would become somewhat aggressive. It was just little things though, like grabbing my arm a bit too rough. I waved it off at first because he was grieving over the love of his life, and I was sure he’d get over it in a few months. Except it never stopped. The drinking continued, not just after work at bars, but at the house too. And the violence didn’t stop either. In fact, it just got worse. Grabbing turned into smacking, and then punching. I thought that when I moved out, things would be different. I wanted to stop going by his house to say hello, but he was the only close family I had left, so I continued stopping by and running errands for him. The abuse didn’t happen as often as before, but when it did, I had to figure out how to hide the bruises, hence me wearing long sleeves and a lot of makeup. It was hard keeping this from the rest of the unit, especially Jay, who was my best friend, but I didn’t want them to think differently of me when they heard about my family life.

The reason for my errand was that my dad wanted a few things from the grocery store, and since he was apparently busy, he asked if I could pick those things up. I didn’t want to because I had work, but because Voight wasn’t in yet, I figured I’d just do it now to stop my dad from bothering me for the rest of the day. So, I left the district and drove to the grocery store, hoping that I could get this done as quick as possible. It didn’t take me long to grab everything my dad needed, including beer. I could’ve just not bought it, but that would make him angry, and I didn’t want to face that at the moment. After loading everything into my car, I made the short drive to my dad’s house.

“Dad! I’m here!” I call out into the house as I stepped inside. To the right was the living room, and behind that was the kitchen. My dad was sitting in the living room on his recliner with the TV on, not doing a single thing, which made me mad because I left work for him, but I pushed those thoughts aside and made my way into the kitchen to set the groceries down.

“What kind of beer did you get?” my dad asked as I headed back into the living room.

“Uh, Budweiser,” I answer.

“I asked for Corona,” my dad spoke.

“Yeah, I know, but I had to be quick cause I have to get back to work, so I just grabbed the first thing I saw,” I explain and fish my keys out of my pocket.

My dad growled and stood up. “So your work is more important than your own father?”

“At the moment, yeah,” I reply. Right after I said that, I immediately regretted it. I could see my father’s face change, and before I could even move, my dad stepped forward and punched me in the face, catching me square in the eye. I cried out in pain and fell to the floor, clutching the side of my face, which was now throbbing. “Dad, please stop,” I beg. But he didn’t stop there and took another step towards me, this time sending a kick straight to my ribs. Pain exploded in my side where the tip of his boot had come in contact with me, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Just before my dad could kick me again, the door to the house was kicked open, and seconds later, Jay and Hailey appeared.

“Hey! Step away from her,” Jay ordered with his gun raised. My father glanced between me and the cops, and decided it was better not to go against their orders, so he took a step back. Hailey didn’t waste any time and handcuffed my father’s hands behind his back, telling him his rights as she led him out to the car.

“J-Jay? What are you doing here?” I croak out and sit up, which sent more pain throughout my body.

“Hailey and I came down to see what was taking you so long, and to tell you that we’ve got no new cases, so Voight gave us the day off. I uh, I saw everything through the window,” Jay mumbled and gestured towards the big glass pane in the wall behind us. “I’m gonna take you to the hospital, okay?”

I shook my head. “N-no. I just want to go home.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen. I’ll bring you back to my place, and then I’ll call Will over to check you over,” Jay said and held out a hand to help me up. I took his hand, allowing him to pull me up, but pain racked my body. “All right. Lets go.” While Hailey used Jay’s truck to get my father back to the district, Jay drove my car back to his apartment. A few minutes after we got there, Will arrived to see if any of my injuries were severe enough to where I would need professional care.

“Your orbital bone isn’t broken, just bruised,” Will informed me as he examined my eye. “Jay also said something about your side.” I nodded and lifted up my shirt so that Will could get a look at my side. A reddish purple bruise had already began to form, and based on it’s size and deep color, I knew it would be there for awhile. Will pressed on the bruise, and I winced in pain, immediately tensing away from his hand. “Sorry. Uh, your ribs don’t look broken either. But you should be careful the next few days so you don’t hurt yourself any more. You should also ice your side and your eye. That’ll help the swelling go down.”

“Thanks, Will,” Jay told his brother, who left seconds later, leaving Jay and I alone in the apartment. I took a seat on the couch, my back resting against the arm rest, and Jay sat down on the opposite side, moving his body so it mirrored mine. For a few moments, we sat in silence, but finally, Jay spoke up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I sighed. “What was I going to say, Jay? ‘Oh, hey, just to let you know, I’ve got an abusive father who beats me over the stupidest things?’”

“You could’ve at least talked to Hailey,” Jay put in.

“I know,” I state. “But what kind of friend would I be if I made her relive her own terrible memories?” Again, we were silent for a few seconds, and again, Jay broke that silence.

“How long has this been going on?” Jay questioned.

“Since I was 16,” I reply softly, tears beginning to gather in my eyes. “He wasn’t always like this, but after my mom died, he changed. The beatings, they didn’t start until I was in college, but I think that made them worse.” I took a deep breath and wiped at my eyes, cleaning the tears off of my face. “I-I should’ve said something, should’ve done something. I mean, I’m a cop. I should’ve been able to defend myself, but I just let the beatings happen. I let him hit me.”

“Hey,” Jay murmured and got up from his seat. From there he moved to the seat next to me and placed a comforting hand on my knee. “Don’t blame what he did on you. This isn’t your fault. It was never your fault.”

I sniffled and wiped more tears from my face. “I know, but it’s hard not to think that it is. If anything, I should’ve gone to the unit, or at least talked to you.”

“You’re talking to me now, and that’s all that matters,” Jay confessed and gave me a small smile.

“So, what’s gonna happen to my dad?” I ask.

“He’s uh, he’s going to get jail time. He got charged with assault down at the 21st. It looks like it’ll only be a year or two for him in prison, but I am going to make sure he’s never able to hurt you again. That’s a promise I intend on keeping,” Jay admitted. I smiled and sat up, pushing my legs to the side so that I could lean forward and hug Jay. He squeezed me back tightly, and being in the arms of my best friend gave me the comfort I really needed right now.

“Thank you,” I whisper into his chest. “For everything.”

“You’re my best friend, Y/N. I’d do anything for you. Now, I say we order some takeout and have a movie night. What do you think?” Jay quizzed.

“I think that sounds like a great idea. Lets do it,” I say.

____________________________

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @lorenakaspersen @virtualreader @carnationworld @caitsymichelle13 @dreamingmanip @campingmonkey @winterberryfox @nevertoofarfromivar @anotherfan07 @giagma @mrspeacem1nusone @i-like-sparkly-things