#and let karl urban write the jokes. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

battery-forgot · 3 years

Text

Now, I come mid-week to give you all of my DSMP/MCYT headcanons because I have many

Don’t mind if these are repeated, misspelt, or has no logic, it is block game things and I am not checking over them-- and some will be organized, and some will be random, some might not have a Enter space because these are all ctrl c + ctrl v’ed from a Discord server I am in :]

Skeppy headcanons: Skeppy is 4 billion years old as scientists have thought that is how long ores and diamonds existed for

Skeppy's species is pretty rare

Every diamond that is broken or damaged causes Skeppy to feel a physical pain in his body

His species has lamp tail as they don't have night vision, some of them also have tiny wings that aren't usable, though they can kinda glide short distances with them

Because of his small height, he has taught himself magic to be able to change size, it can hurt him if he goes taller than 5'3, but he is able to get to Foolish's height if he tried

Sometimes random crystals grow on Skeppy's face, though they look different from normal crystals and can be used for things like explosives, though he doesn't know about it

Techno has seen Kristen but doesn't remember it well, though Kristen gave him his crown as a gift

Techno has a collection of skull masks that he has worn, he wears the skulls because of nostalgia now but he used to wear them because he thought they were cool and made him look threatening

Technoblade, Skeppy, Sam, Ranboo, Michael(the son- not Michaelmcchill), Phil, Bad, and some others really like shiny and golden objects

DreamSMP theme/"timeline" is kind of like a steampunk like thing

Drista is DreamXD's sister and DristaXD is Dream's "sister", though they aren't really siblings as they are robots

Drista and DreamXD are clones of DristaXD and Dream, though they actually look nothing alike

Callahan is a mute mini-god that everyone knows exists but doesn't really understand they are a mini-god. They kind of just chill and do what people ask them to do

Phil: Phil is more into traveling than anything else

Though he doesn't mind being a father figure, he doesn't think he is a good one especially after he killed Wilbur

He is able to turn into the size of a crow, though since his wings are now unusable, he doesn't do it as often as it is basically useless

Phil sometimes takes bird baths, though I guess they are always called that-

He has bird legs/talons,but they aren’t fully noticeable

joke headcanon I thought of is that Phil's handwriting is chicken-scratch because he is half-crow

Phil has really good memory, as a crow would

-DreamXD is actually pretty weak in powers, but he acts like he is the strongest person in the server

-Tommy's eye is just completely gone from when Dream killed him, but he covers it with an eyepatch

-Tubbo talks about things to Ranboo thinking he'll forget them, but some stories Ranboo remembers but doesn't speak about it because he doesn't want to make Tubbo worry too much

-Philza wasn't willing to kill Wilbur so Wilbur forced Phil by grabbing his arm and impaling himself

-Dream and Techno sometimes share stories about having ADHD

-Phil didn't really know about Fundy, he knew he existed but had no idea to how he acted, looked, or his actual name

-Wilbur had a letter written to Fundy about how he was sorry for what he was gonna do during November 16th, but the withers blew it up before Fundy knew about it

-Fundy doesn't let anyone hold his hand because it makes him remember the past where he would hold Wilbur's hand a lot

-Change of headcanons: Schlatt and Puffy are cousins, Tubbo was just a random kid that would follow Schlatt for hours a day, waiting for him to acknowledge him

-Dream jumps into the lava in the prison as it reminds him of Sapnap

-Bad was uncomfortable when Sapnap married Big Q and Karl because he went on a date with Quackity before but he still supported them (Yes I know Big Q basically had a divorce with Sap and Karl--)

-Skeppy knows a lot about other's pasts because of how old he is, even traumatizing facts

-Skeppy has a fear of fire (Pyrophobia) and he is kind of scared of Sapnap

-Dream used the revivebook on the cat Tommy killed, but Sam killed it thinking Dream would use the cat against Sam to escape quicker in the future

-Dream doesn't *fully* know why he is in prison, ever since Tommy and Tubbo killed him, a wire/chip broke in his body which made him forget a lot of things. Dream does get told what he had done a lot, but it makes him almost have a panic attack because he thought he was a pretty good person

-Ghostbur is Callahan, they were commanded by DreamXD to become Ghostbur so that everyone could feel like he was still there (Callahan can change who they are completely, but they don't actually know how they acted when as Ghostbur, though that doesn't mean he didn't know what happened, when Dream killed/revived Ghostbur, Callahan got to see what it felt like to die for the first time)

-Fundy has the habit of picking up things and using them at some sort of fidget (examples: knives, leaves, grass, wood, pencils, berry stems, etc.

-Ranboo will be writing/saying something about someone and use pronouns instead of their name or just with the person's name (example: "Puffy she/her was--" or "he/him writing down things") [Basically canon-]

-Tubbo used to headbutt people but stopped after around 2 years because he kept hurting people

-Phil used to squawk randomly when he was a kid, but he mainly just squawks when hiccuping now

-Even though Bad used to get really nervous picking people up because he was afraid he was gonna drop and kill them, he now just picks up everyone randomly... except Foolish and Ranboo

-Foolish is able to shrink to around 7ft, and unless he is building a big build, he will shrink so he can get around easier

-Because Ranboo is only half enderman, he isn't the full height of an enderman (He is only 8'5)

-If someone asks Charlie about his pronouns, out of confusion, he just responds with "Bones!" which sometimes leads Las Nevadas members (or just anyone really) calling him by He/it/Bones

-When Bad was being controlled by the egg, it made him get even more flashbacks about how his species was supposed to act which would end up with him panicking because that isn't who he wants to be (bonus: The more a member infected by the egg would panic, the more the egg would be able to take over the person because they can't focus)

-Kristin has taught Phil how to do makeup in their free-time of hanging out

-Kristin is insanely tall, if she shrinks then she turns more transparent, so she ends up looking more like a ghost when at average height

-Skeppy can't cry, though he still can feel sad

-Bad and Eret talk to eachother quite a lot

-When Tubbo was around 11-14, he would make redstone contraptions, though he doesn't remember how to make most of them now

Ranboo doesn't like photoshoots because he feels like everyone is staring at him, though this does mean he just doesn't have a passport photo, his alternative was to draw what he looked like on the passport but they didn't allow it, as well as Ranboo doesn't really remember what he looks like anyway because they don't like looking in mirrors--

I think this is half-canon but another headcanon is where every SMP is just an island far away from others. In this case, Hermitcraft, 30 day SMP, and other SMPs are all linked up, as for people who are in multiple SMPs, they travel around by boat for awhile, now, the thing I've just not figured out is how tf their look magically changes-like- outfit is decently obvious-- but do they magically transform like an anime girl? Idk-

Skeppy's voice randomly glitches out, is there an actual reason for this? No.

Quackity’s outfit is similar to Sub Urban’s (In Freak)

Skeppy acts as if he is royalty, he doesn't act rude or demanding unless joking- but he does act as if he is the superior person-

-Skeppy and Slime are the only "people" that don't have steampunk styled clothing because of how old they are

-Skeppy's hair grows insanely quickly and no one knows why, he honestly hates it

-Most of Skeppy's outfits have been made by Bad or Puffy

-Skeppy knows DreamXD as if he is a brother, but he despises him because of something that has happened around 3,000 years ago

-Skeppy has a lot of different shades in their hair on the "inside"(like- the side where his neck is is what I mean, I don't remember if it has a name or not-)

-Like I've said before, Skeppy's eyes are crystallized, but they are somewhat transparent, not enough to where you'd be able to see the inside of his head, but they are still transparent

-In the past, Skeppy didn't like their name which is why they called himself "Skeppy"

-He has an attachment to caves

-When Skeppy was a kid, they had the dream of him filling cave walls with houses of their own

-Skeppy goes by it/they/he

-Skeppy joke flirts with Bad all the time to confuse everyone, Bad doesn't like it because then everyone thinks they are dating which makes him feel a little uncomfortable

-Out of boredom, in the past, Skeppy would climb on the roofs of caves, hang upside down, and try and sleep like a bat

-They have no blood in his body, it is literally just a diamond covered with a thin layer of skin and hair

-Skeppy gets stressed out easily when it comes to learning because it just reminds him of everything he had to get used to as the billion of years he lived went by

-Skeppy used to not be allowed out into the open world, the first time it experienced going outside was when it was 2 billion years old

-Skeppy has accidentally caught things on fire during the day because of the reflecting of the sun, but even then, they are nocturnal so they don't really have to worry about it

-Wilbur adapted to hanging out with Sally in the water, he has some gills, but he can only breathe underwater for a bit longer with them

-Skeppy always has the equivalent of Diamond (armor) except when he was infected by the egg, he was equivalent to the strength of a Ruby

-Infected Skeppy has a redstone glow when touched, so when hugged(or hive fived- or- yeah you get the point), he would give a subtle glow around him until let go

-The Eggpire still can be controlled, but they are able to control it unless angered/upset

-Skeppy was 6ft when infected, now he is 3′9 un-infected

-At this point, Dream likes the prison because he sometimes feels safe there, like no one can hurt him

-DristaXD is more of a ghost robot than an actual robot

-DristaXD's hobby is murdering people and has basically been in some sort of jail before, she has broken chains around their ankles and hands, it seems to have been made of a really strong material as wel

-Sapnap used to have fire wings, but when he had to get extinguished, they disappeared, they are still there, they just aren't visible until dunked in lava and Sapnap can't use them anymore

-Infected Bad still took care of Sapnap, but Sapnap never cared

-Sapnap takes the name "lava cake" too seriously... though he thinks the literal lava cakes he makes taste good

-Puffy's hair has been dyed blue by Ghostbur before because he wanted people to remember Friend if they ever disappeared

-Going with my Ghostbur as Callahan hc, when Ghostbur was killed, Callahan kind of glitched between realities and so Ghostburs body glitched from Callahan's body and Ghostbur's then just disappeared. Callahan is still alive but they randomly glitch into different realities, he has glitched into places Karl has gone, including The Inbetween.

-When Ghostbur was glitching back into Callahan after killed, it shocked and concerned Dream

There you go :]

#dreamsmp #dreamsmp headcanon #skeppy #badboyhalo #dream #dreamxd #philza #Callahan minecraft #Ghostbur #Fundy #Wilbur #captain puffy #Sapnap #Quackity #mcyt headcanons #Ranboo #Tubbo

55 notes · View notes

drunkdyslexic · 3 years

Text

Initiate

I had an idea after reading someone fan fiction. I am dyslexic so its not the best. I enjoyed writing it. Might write more I have a few ideas. Depends what happens.

Karl Urban x Reader

Karl and reader work on the set of the boys together. The both have something they want to acting on.

Smut 18+

You stand there motionless listening to the sound of your breathing. Living in the moment. Your eyes closed as you tune into the sounds of nature. You hear a door open. The muffled sound of talking in the distance. You were surprised with how quiet the party had gotten since you left it.

“You meditating?” A grave voice asks you with a smile behind it. Your eyes still closed you smile to yourself knowing who the voice belongs to. You open your eyes gradually as they adjust to dusk lighting.

“No. Just enjoying the moment.” You exhale turning to see Karl. He gives you a soft smile as he takes a sip from his glass. You smile back. Leaning on the porch fence you look back over the still water trees in the background. The warm sunset colours blend with the invading black.

“I came out to escape the noise and watch the sunrise. The colours remedy me of home.” You look up at Karl. Who is now resting against the fence facing you. You see his chest rise then fall as he takes a deep breath. Both of you comfortable in each other's silence. You look down at his left hand which is resting on the top of the fence holding a beer. You raise an eyebrow. Wondering why he has two drinks.

“You an alcoholic now?” You ask him jokingly. At first, he looks confused. Giving you a questionable look. Before Realising the bottle of beer in his hand.

“Oh yeah, I brought it for you.” He smiles handing you the bottle. As you accept it he holds up his glass.

“Sláinte,” You say as the glasses clink together. Both nodding and taking a sip. Your eye still locked within others. A flock of birds passing above a squeaking distrust the staring. Admiring nature Karl slowly lowers his head admiring you as you watch the birds fly above you. He smiles at you. You feel him watching you. Giving him a stern stare.

“Your hair looks amazing in this light.” He states softly.

“Thank you.” You smile as look away hiding the fact you are blushing. You feel hot and flustered. Unable to stop smiling. Counting to 3 you take a breath and clear your throat. Looking up you smile at him. A bit of hair is covering your eye. Before you could flick it away. Karl reaches up to your face. All you could think was how big his hand was. He tucked the strand of hair behind your ear. His thumb grazed your cheek. As you both shared. You could feel your heart pounding. You took a breath as he stepped closer looking down at you before he crashed his lips against yours. All of a sudden you had butterflies as you felt his other hand grasp you’re hip. It felt like fireworks going off all over your body as his hands traveled up your back into your hair. Your heart was racing all you wanted was for it not to stop. Karl then pulls away from you. Both of you staring at each other trying to get your breath back. All of a sudden you see him differently than you did before. All the curves and edges on his face. His eyes-how enchanting they were to you. As your eyes survey his face his hands drop from you.

“What?” He asks his eyebrow arched as he watches your eyes admire your face. You open your mouth to talk but nothing seems to come out.

“I don’t know…you…” You tilt your head.

“You look different…” You say confused. Karl rests against the fence.

“How?” He asks confused.

“I don’t know.” You as you tilt your head trying to figure it out. Karl watches as you observe him like a newly discovered animal discovered in the wild.

“But I like it.” You flirt. The side of his lips curl. You smile back. Stepping closer to him. Placing your hand on his waist. He looks down at your hand following it as it trails up his shirt. Your hand in his beard as you both stare into each other's eyes. Your heart pounding again as you lean in to kiss him. This time there's more power behind the kiss. His hands in your hair before trailing down to the lower of your back. A moan escapes your mouth as he grabs you lifting you turning around, sitting you on the fence. Your hand on his chest. As one of his hands holds onto you. You fumble with his buttons as your tongues start to entwine with each other. He stops you after you unbutton the third button.

“Wait.” He shakes his head slightly, his voice sounds gravely.

“People are going to start wondering where we are.” You watch as you see his breath. Appearing and disappearing and appearing in the last of the light.

“Yeah, you are probably right.” You agree as Karl holds his hand out helping you down from the fence. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before you walked to the door. Karl opened it motioning his head for you to go first. The immediate warmth of the log fire in the room hits you. Feeling Karl right behind you. You take a few steps forward before you sound a cheer from Tony,

“Where you bloody been?” he says in his New sealed accent making a joke. Some of his fellow cast and crewmates left at his joke. His voice snapping you back into reality. Karen sitting infant asks if you are ok. You nod in agreement smiling. Almost bewildered by what happened outside.

“We were watching the sunset. Beautiful it was.” Karl says squeezing past you.

“Sunset. It bloody dark outside looks like it has been for a while.” He states having a quick look out the window.

“Yeah cause we’re in the middle of nowhere. Very little light pollution it looks darker than what it is.” Karl explains to Tony as he grabs to beers. Tony pauses almost like he’s thinking about what Karl said and how true it was.

“Beer Y/N?” Karl asks pointing a bottle to you.

“Yeah. Keep it for me I am just going to the toilet real quick.” You say as Karl is twisting the lids of the bottles nodding. You shit the bathroom door behind you. Resting behind the door you take a big sign noticing yourself in the mirror. Apart from red cheeks, you don’t look like anything has happened. You run the cold tap splashing it against your skin hoping it will calm you down. You give yourself a mini pet talk before you join everyone else. Karl asks if you are ok as he hands you a beer. You agree and join in the conversation with a group of people across the room. As the night goes on Karl and you keep catching each other's eyes. You both want the same thing but you need to restrain yourself’s and play t cool. If you were close to each other you would exchange subtle touches.

Eventfully the party starts to die down and people start leaving or go to their rooms. You drag your feet to your room. “Night,” Karl says behind you.

“Night night.” You say smiling closing the door behind you. You bite your tongue. Thinking it's not what you expected from the party but you didn’t regret it one bit. You can hear Karl and someone having a conversation in the hall. You can’t make anything out but you hear Karls’s accent/They both laugh and you hear the footsteps fade down the hallway. You open the door seeing Karl leaning against the door frame to his room. He looks to both sides before nodding into his room. He has a devilish look about him as you bite your lip. Before you giggle shutting your door and run into his room. You are standing in the center of his room as he shuts the door and spins to face you. You both smiling you walk loser to each other. Before your lips crash together Karl lifting you as you wrap your legs around his waist. His bag hand on your bum you feel tiny whilst being held by him. He walks holding you one of his hands traveling up your body. It stops at your head as he pushes you against the wall, using his hand as a barrier for your head. You let out a sigh pulling away from him admiring his face before you start kissing him again. You start unbuttoning the buttons of his shirt this time he didn’t stop you when you got to the third. You smile as you kiss he turns placing you on the bed. He pulls his shirt off and throws it on the floor. He crawls his strong arms over you. You admire them as you feel them. He’s about to lean in to kiss him but you speak first.

“It's not fair. Your bed’s comfier than mine.” He raises an eyebrow you look around the room Karl still over you.

“Your room is bigger than mine as well.” You jokingly state sitting up resting on your elbows. Karl sits up looking at you as he kneels on the edge of the bed. You smile to yourself smiling at Karl you move suddenly spinning him around pushing him onto the bed. You straddle his waist. Kissing down his chest. As you stand up you unbutton and unzip your black leather jeans As you start taking them off you lose balance. Karl tries to grab you but you manage to find your balance.

“Sexy. I know.” You laugh Karl smiles. Scooting himself to the side of the bed his feet resting on the floor. Once you get your leather jeans off. Karl grabs your hand pulling you close you straddle his waist as he looks up at you.

“Next time I won’t wear the leather jeans.” You laugh as he kisses. His hands on your bum before going under your shirt. You lift your arms as he takes it off. He looks up and down at your body before you he pops your bra off. You roll your head back and laugh out loud as he caught you by surprise. You pull his head into your breasts as you try to muffle your laughter. He grabs one with his hand the other in his mouth as swirls his tongue around your nipple. You lift your head. Before switches his hand and mouth around to the other. You look down at him biting your lip. He catches your eyes, Can’t leave one out. You push him down as your place you’re on either side of him you kiss his neck as he feels your body. He gives your bum a wee smack.

“You can do that again if you want. But harder?” You whisper in his ear.

“Ooohhh.” He rolls his head. Before smacking it a little harder. You start kissing down his chest. Unbuttoning his trousers pulling them down and off around his feet.

“Sexy. I’ll need to take some tips.” You joke. He laughs watching you as he rests on his elbows. You take off his boxers his feet shuffle beside you as he watches waiting in anticipation. You grab the very hard member in your mouth. Not breaking eye contact with him as you do. He rolls his head back and lets out a groan. You suck up and down trying to keep as much eye contact with him as you can. He soon sits up, pulling your face in for a kiss. As he does he rests you on the bed. His hands on each side of your face he watches you for a moment before he leans down to kiss your neck. You wrap one of your legs around his hip. Pulling him closer. He trails kisses down your neck. You stretch your neck giving him more access. He sits up pulling your panties off. As he comes back down to meet your lips.

“Do I still look different?” He asks. You hide your face embarrassed before.

“You look sexy.” You stare into his green eyes biting your lips.

“Oh. I could give you a few words of how you look but I’m just going to show you instead.”

His big hand trails your side before slipping it between your legs. You shiver under his touch.

“Looks like I don’t need to do much.” He grins deviously at you.

“It didn’t take you long to get me like that.” You say. You both nod.

Oh good. Cause I had to hide that since we kissed.”

“Well done for hiding it well. I have been pretty much the same.” You giggle flirtatiously. He hums before one big thrust inside of you. You can’t help but groan out loud. Your back arching his hand holding your back. He starts thrusting slowly as he feels you molding around him. Each moan you making him smile more. Your hips rolling together. You lift your leg against his waist.

“Fuck.” He exclaims burying his head in your neck. You stretch your neck out as how good it feels, The thrust gets faster and deeper.

“Fuck.” You bleat out.

All you can hear is groaning from Karl. Then all of a sudden you grip your nails into his back. Your body sizes and this overwhelming feeling comes over you.

“Kkkkaaaarrl.” Your breath. He doesn’t stop. However, you know you can’t handle him continuing it for much longer. He smiles. Against your skin. as you try and deal with the feels.

“Fuuucck.” He groans in your ear before collapsing beside you.

You both lye they're in your looking up at the ceiling trying to get your breath back. You both turn your heads looking at each other.

“Wow.” You whisper. You both burst laughing he stretches his arm out. Inviting you to lie on his chest. You move closer to him. Resting on his chest you can hear his heart is still slowing down.

“Yeah, I know.” He says softly. Listening to his heartbeat you start drifting into asleep.

#karl urban #karlurbanfanfiction #karlurbanimagine #Karlurbanoneshot #karl urban x reader #smut #fanfiction #first tr

59 notes · View notes

365days365movies · 3 years

Text

January 8, 2021: R.E.D. (Epilogue)

Which movie is my favorite action-comedy so far this month? Definitely goes to The Nice Guys, gotta be honest. But which movie was a hell of a lot of fun to watch, and something that I’ll definitely watch again?

R.E.D. This movie’s great! And the comedy definitely sits alongside the action in a way I wasn’t quite expecting. But, OK, let’s get into it, shall we? SPOILERS AHEAD!

Review

Cast and Acting

It’s dynamite. I’m a sucker for a good ensemble, and this one’s a GREAT ensemble. Which is funny because these people...aren’t necessarily comedy or action-specialists. Bruce Willis has done both, sure, and he does well in his role. But, honestly, he might be the least interesting performance in the group, sorry to say. It’s pretty run-of-the-mill, as Willis performances go. Malkovich has done more comedy than action, and he’s STELLAR as Marvin Boggs. Funnist character, by a mile. There’s the scene when they get to the Eagle’s Nest. I won’t spoil it here, but I was laughiiiiiiing.

Speaking of the Eagle’s Nest Helen Mirren! WOW! Known far more for drama than anything else, Helen Mirren is an absolute blast in this movie, and my second favorite after Marvin. Morgan Freeman also deserves some props, mostly for coming off as a retired Shaft-esque character, and I love that. Karl Urban and Mary-Louise Parker are also great, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the romance between Willis and Parker. Seriously, I was all-set to hate it, but Sarah is an extremely charming character, and someone whom I enjoyed seeing get embroiled into this world.

And then, there’s Brian Cox. People tend to sleep on his performance as Ivan, but he’s one of my favorite characters in the movie. Most because his chemistry with the other characters is seamless, ESPECIALLY with Victoria, and in the scene with Frank. Cox is awesome in this movie, too, and people should notice him more than they do.

Cast and Acting: 9/10 (1 point off for Willis)

Plot and Writing

This movie is funny...but not necessarily in its writing. What I mean is, the humor doesn’t come as much through its jokes as it does through its situations and framing. And those things are FUNNY. Nothing wrong with some good visual humor, that’s for sure. But are there jokes, or at least funny lines? Yes, or course! But those jokes are enhanced by the situation around them. In other words, the written jokes don’t work nearly as well out-of-context. However, this movie is still well-written, and a fun ride in any case. As for the plot, it’s good! The mystery of the assassin does have you guessing here and there, but not too much. Less complex than that of The Nice Guys, but straightforward in its simplicity. And again, it makes way for some fun along the way!

Writing: 7/10 (mostly for the jokes thing; kind of needed in an action-comedy)

Direction and Action

Definite props to the director, Robert Schwentke, as there are some gorgeous shots in here, not to mention the action scenes and the visual gags injected throughout. Schwentke’s responsible for The Time Traveler’s Wife (haven’t seen it...should that be on my list for next month?), R.I.P.D. (heard only bad thing about that one), two of the Divergent movies (nope, no thank you), and an upcoming G.I. Joe movie about Snake Eyes (ooooooooh). So not much action. And yet, he still does very well! Credit to the director for that!

Direction and Action: 8/10 (great, but not perfect)

Production Design

This was also pretty great. The variety of locations all seem pretty distinct, and we almost get an action travelogue of sorts. The outfits throughout the movie are mostly similar, BUT there are some major standouts with Marvin and Victoria. Victoria’s winter camouflage suit is one of my favorite designs for a winter coat, and I love it. And Marvin...OH....MARVIN. SO MUCH. SO many good outfits and props. This one gets high marks!

Production Design: 9/10

Music and Editing

This movie is composed of fast cuts and short scenes, which was interesting to write a recap of, lemme tell you. Not my favorite thing, in truth, but it didn’t stop me from enjoying the movie too much. And the postcard gimmick to introduce locations is also pretty neat! Nice callback to the beginning o the film, when we see Sarah’s wall of postcards at the job she totally doesn’t have anymore.

As for the music...eh? There was one instance with memorable music for me (the Cooper/Moses fight scene), but not much else outside of it. So, a meh grade for that one.

Music and Editing: 7/10

That’s an 80%, which seems about right! This was a hell of a good movie, and one that I’ll definitely be watching again! This time, though, let’s switch it up! Let’s do something a little...crazier. And different. And...kung fu.

January 9, 2021: Kung Fu Hustle (2004)

38 notes · View notes

frasier-crane-style · 5 years

Note

If you could recast the mcu who would you cast!

Okay, holding myself back from doing a full rewrite, because if I had time to write fanfic, I’d write fanfic...

For starters, since Samuel L. Jackson has pretty much been playing himself for a while now and his character’s turned into something of a joke anyway, let’s replace him as Nick Fury with Stephen Lang.

Sorry, dude, but if you just want to see Samuel L. Jackson being Samuel L. Jackson, he’s in twenty movies a year, you can deal.

Likewise, with Doctor Strange, instead of all the second-guessing, let’s just have the Ancient One be Chow Yun-Fat. No offense to China (wink wink).

While we’re at it, simply rename Mads Mikkelsen’s character to Baron Mordo and Chiwetel Ejiofor’s character to Brother Voodoo, Jericho Drumm. That way, Mordo can have his traditional portrayal as a treasonous student of the Ancient One and Jericho Drumm can go in whatever direction they want to take this newish character anyway. Sorry, it just weirds me out to have a villain who is Baron Mordo in all but name, but to call another character that name to make him seem like a bigger deal.

The Thor movies, I’m gonna recuse myself, otherwise I might recast Thor himself (hey, if Hemsworth wants to screw around playing a dumb jock, that’s his business, I just wish he’d save it for Saturday Night Live or whatever awful sequel he tries to get going next.)

“The universe is expanding”, God, even this poster isn’t trying. I mean, Karl Urban, for instance, isn’t badly cast, but Ragnarok turning him into a Shake Weight joke... nah!

The Ant-Mans... I don’t know, I’d be kind of interested in just seeing what the hell Edgar Wright was up to, but they are what they are. I might take the Ghost from being essentially an entirely new character with an Iron Man villain’s look and power set, and instead find a villain who’s traditionally portrayed as an “I must cure myself!” tragic type and just slot her in there, but that’s kinda past the scope of what we’re doing.

I would recast Michelle Pfeiffer’s generic geriatric with Allison Brie as Janet van Dyne. It could always be explained that time didn’t significantly pass for her in the Quantum Realm (this is even a plot point in Avengers: Endgame) and thus Brie would be free to play the traditional, ‘winsome Wasp’ fans love.

Spider-Man, again, full rewrite, but he does show up in Avengers, so as far as that goes, I think Dylan O’Brien and Jane Levy would be good as a college-aged Spider-Man and Mary Jane Watson. Yeah, it’s a bit of a cheat, but just making Peter Parker a legal adult who’s been Spider-Man for years would make Tony Stark look like less of a scumbag for recruiting him.

Captain Marvel is something else that really needs to be rethought from the ground up, but a good start would be Betty Gilpin as Carol, who at least wouldn’t give the odd, stilted, snide performance that Larson did. Now we just need to come up with something interesting about her besides “she’s REALLY STRONG” and “she lived in the NINETIES. With AOL”.

I also might recast Jude Law as something other than a nothing Captain Marvel villain, just so we can save someone good to play Doctor Doom, but whatevs.

#bigcheeseyboi

47 notes · View notes

thesoftdumbass · 6 years

Text

Yallneedtrek’s Writing Anniversary Challenge

Hi you guys! So, I’ve been wanting to host a writing challenge for a while, and now seems like a good time to do so. November 30th marks the 2 year anniversary of when I started posting my fanfiction, starting out with a whopping 649 words on this Charles Xavier fic. Things have changed since then, I’ve written a lot more and joined a few fandoms since then, made some friends, and all in all enjoyed my time here on tumblr.

So if anybody would like to join my writing challenge, here are some things to remember while entering/posting:

~To enter the writing challenge, you must send me an ASK with a character or ship, and AU, AND a prompt from the lists below. (If you send anonymously or have multiple blogs, make sure that I know which blog you will be posting on)

~All entries are due by November 30th, 2018. There is no cut-off date to enter the challenge, as long as you think you can finish, you can enter whenever. (I will post occasional reminders and tag everybody who signed up!)

~Characters/ships can be used multiple times, as can AUs, but prompts can only be used once.

~If there’s a character/ship not on the list but that belongs in my fandoms, you can message me if you’d like to write for them and get my okay!

~You can use any writing genre: fluff, smut, angst, whatever. I would prefer angst-y fics to end happily, though!

~Important! When posting, please include Warnings, Word Count, and a Summary. Also, add a “Read More” if your fic is over 400 words so we don’t clog up everybody’s dash!

~When posting your fic, tag my blog and use the tag #yallneedtrekwritingchallenge, and send the post to me directly to make sure that I’ve seen it. I will reblog all of the fics and add them all to a masterlist to be shared when all entries are posted!

Have fun writing, lovelies!

Characters and Ships - Choose one:

Star Trek-

Jim Kirk

McKirk

Montgomery “Scotty” Scott

Spock

Pavel Chekov

Wonder Woman-

Steve Trevor

WonderTrev

Avengers-

Steve Rogers

Stucky

Bucky Barnes

Sam Wilson

Loki Odinson

Thor Odinson

Urban boys-

Leonard “Bones” McCoy

Gavin Magary

Siberius Vaako

Black Hat

Eomer

John Kennex

Any Karl Urban character, really

Other-

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Lance Tucker

Carter Baizen

Wynonna Earp

Doc Holliday

AU’s - Choose one:

Soulmate

Firefighter

Royal

Fake dating / fake married

Supernatural (any supernatural creature/phenomenon)

Neighbors

University / Fellow Professors

Artist

Flower Shop

Vikings

Called / texted the wrong number

Body Swap

Bartender

Motorcycle Club

Roadtrip

Book Shop / Library

Office

Coffee Shop

Arranged Marriage

Roommate

Writing Prompts - Choose one:

1. “But I’m not wearing pants”

2. “Why were you in a dumpster?”

3. “Just give me the ____ and nobody gets hurt”

4. “Lick me all you want, I’m not moving my hand”

5. “I did not kidnap you! I anything, I adult-snatched you.”

6. “Didn’t you ever stop and think that there’s a reason I’m here?”

7. “Next time you come in my room to scare me, try picking a better hiding spot than behind the curtains.”

8. “What do you suggest we do?”

9. “Are you okay? I’ve never seen you turn down food.”

10. “Are those my underwear?”

11. “Will you just stop talking?” “Make me.”

12. “Did you just make a joke?”

13. “And you say I’m the dramatic one”

14. “Don’t get your hopes up”

15. “Subtlety is not your strong suit”

16. “My mind does not immediately jump to murder. Oh who am I kidding, of course it does!”

17. “Do you smell something burning?”

18. “No you are not Batman, stop saying that!”

19. “If you don’t stop talking in song quotes, I swear I will end you”

20. “Who ever said that I hate you?”

21. “Who thought it was a good idea to give (him/her/them) coffee?”

22. “What is that incessant beeping?”

23. “Here, take my jacket”

24. “Say hello to your cat for me”

25. “Who are you talking to?”

26. “Stay, please”

27. “Are you dead?” “Yes.”

28. “Next time you need help, don’t come to me”

29. “Can anybody tell me why my house is on fire?!”

30. “Are you crying?” “No! Shut up.”

31. “Stop screaming, it’s just me.”

32. “Jealous is not a good look on you”

33. “Is my leg supposed to bend that way?”

34. “I would rather be stuck on a deserted island with literally anybody but you”

35. “If you get ‘Let it Go’ stuck in my head one more time, I will never speak to you again.”

36. “I am too tired to deal with your happy disposition today”

37. “That line was so cheesy, it hurts.”

38. “Can you not be sarcastic just for once?”

39. “I told you this was a bad idea”

40. “Do not throw up on me”

41. “I’m just gonna keep talking until you smile”

42. “If you’re trying to seduce me, I would reconsider.”

43. “Can I kiss you?”

44. “I must be going crazy”

45. “Do I spy a tattoo?”

46. “Am I turning into a vampire?”

47. “No, you cannot borrow my laptop! You remember what happened the last time.”

48. “Just hug me before I put someone’s head through a wall.”

49. “If you can’t tell, I am very angry.”

50. “Are those little unicorns on your boxers?”

51. “You dropped something”

52. “You must be new here”

53. “Can we watch movies and cuddle?”

54. “I love you, I hope you know that.”

55. “I need you to stop laughing and come help me”

56. “Next time, I pick the music.”

57. “Can I kill (them)?”

58. “If you can go one hour without talking, I will kiss you”

59. “Stop saying that”

60. “You’re ridiculous”

61. “I’d hate to ruin such a sweet moment, but we have to go.”

62. “Oh, I almost forgot you were here”

63. “Is it true what they say?”

64. “Is that what I think it is?”

65. “You’ve got no sense of self-preservation”

66. “You’re worrying me”

67. “Get away from me”

68. “Don’t say that”

69. “Sometimes I wish I never met you”

70. “Can you stop poking me?”

71. “Don’t tell me to calm down, you’re covered in blood!”

72. “Will you tell me a story?”

73. “There might be a small…large…dent in your car, but please don’t kill me, I can explain!”

74. “I just want to drink chocolate milk and take a nap.” “You are a grown adult.”

75. “Are you drunk?”

76. “It looks like there was a train wreck in here”

77. “You lost the bet, you know what that means”

78. “I shouldn’t be here.” “Then why are you?”

79. “I’m not going with you dressed like that”

80. “Who else is going to save you from yourself?”

81. “What kind of name is that?”

82. “That is a lot of- what even is that?”

83. “That doesn’t look like fun, it looks like a death trap”

84. “So this is what betrayal looks like”

85. “Who started the food fight?”

86. “What, my poetry isn’t good enough for you?” “You just recited Dr. Seuss.”

87. “I’ve been shot!” “Relax, it’s just a nerf bullet.”

88. “You’re trying too hard, you need to just relax.”

89. “You look like the poster-child for bad decisions”

90. “Could you be any more oblivious?”

91. “Shut your whore mouth”

92. “Say that to my face, you soggy piece of pizza”

93. “You are such a moldy shower curtain”

I really hope you guys have fun writing, and I’m looking forward to reading all of your amazing fics! If you have any questions, feel free to message me or send an ask. Love you all!

I’m adding everyone on my tag list and Urban Shitposting group just in case you want to join or signal boost!

@deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @mad-girl-without-a-box @cd1242 @space-helen @izzy10718 @feelmyroarrrr @bookcaseninja @musikat18 @kickingitwithkirk @auduna-druitt @garnet-redtailedhero @bubblegum-star-trek @reading-in-moonlight @cuddlememerrick @loststarlight @fireboltrose7559 @lauuerodz @bkwrm523 @fearofdeathkeepsusalive @goingknowherewastaken @annathewitch @outside-the-government @queenmismatched @thefanficfaerie

70 notes · View notes

jpat82 · 6 years

Text

Bad Plan

A/n: this fic that I’m adding into rotation is one I started well over a year ago. The original first chapter was over 5k words long so I’m going to have to break it up. It’s also Karl Urban, cause I mean, hello he’s gorgeous as well.

Summary: Renee had a fail proof plan to get rid of her nervousness for sending in her writing manuscripts. Audition for a movie, surely she'll get rejected.

The plan backfired and now she has to act, joining a crew of seasoned actors from Star Trek. Her quick friendship leads her down the rabbit hole with Karl Urban.

CHAPTER 1:part 1

Some of the dumbest things in my life I have done because of the phase 'meh, why not'. This however was more based on trying to get used to being rejected. You see, I'm a writer, I write fiction and screen plays. I have yet to send one to get publish or sent to be read by a director, mainly for the fear of being told 'hey, this sucks, so do your self a favor and stop wasting your time writing.' My bright idea was 'hey, let's audition for some movie roles, you'll surely be turned down multiple times and get used to it'.

So when I got a call back for a second audition my anxiety sored through the roof and I felt like relocating to Mexico. This is not how this was supposed to go, I'm not an actor. I was supposed to be laughed at and told to bugger off.

When I received the call after the second audition and was told I got the female co lead in this movie I about choked and died. I have massive anxiety problems when in new place, new situations, and around people I don't know. This was not the plan, and just like life has always done in the past it decided to slap me face and pull the rug out beneath my feet.

“So, Renee," my sister, Rosalyn inquired with a hint of amusement in her voice as I was breathing into a paper bag, "whatchya going to do now? Can't exactly back out."

“Says who?" I sneered into the bag, sitting on the couch.

“The fact you went through both auditions," she giggled, " how's your bright idea now?"

“Bite me, rainbow bright." I leaned back into the couch, pulling the paper away from my face. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to think clearly. There was a couple saving graces about this movie set. A.) it was local, it was being filmed in and around the Oregon city area and B.) I was a no-body. I could blend in a lot easier.

“What's the name of movie? Who's going to be in it?" She pounced on to the couch next to me, I turned my head ever so slightly and just stared her. This month her hair was pale blue with hot pink roots, her ghostly colored skin was pinkened from just get done working out.

“I don't know, to either of those questions."

“How do you not know? What's was the script you read?"

“I wasn't paying attention and I can't remember. I was trying to get through the ordeal."

“Your going to make a horrible actress if you can't remember any of that." She stated, pushing up off the couch. "What about your normal job? Since it takes a couple of months to film."

“I already talked to my manager, I'm taking a leave of absence. And thanks for the ego boost."

“Your welcome!"

*****

The next few weeks after that were spent getting my rear end handed to me by a personal trainer. Who by the way, was adamant about a very strict eating schedule, which I was severely punished for daily by drinking Starbucks. I also had a trainer for learning how to fight, all of it choreographed of course but still. Most nights I came home very late and couldn't remember how I made it my bed. Just to wake up to my phone going off by Satan calling me two hours before I was supposed to work out.

My sister being the loving and caring individual she was would poke my sore muscles. Drink some wine and have her Starbucks all while telling me I couldn't have some. Yes, I knew it was revenge for the countless times I did things to pester her but still.

The first evening on set was a cast and crew get together. I learned that I was joining in on an established movie sequence. So everyone knew each other, except for me. Wonderful. Just my luck, I showed up in my ratty jeans and a nice top. I was told it was a casual occasion, no need to dress up. My short cropped hair was sporting a recent sun burn, first time I have ever had one but then again I didn't start buzzing my head till a couple months ago.

I was wandering around trying to find where we were all supposed to meet up. I found no security guards to help me out, which I thought was odd. I turned down a corridor and bumped into a gentleman.

“Oh, I'm sorry." His accent was heavy, he seemed hesitant on whether to say sir of miss.

“No, it's my fault. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking. I'm really lost so i keep checking my phone and I'm rattling on, sorry."

“It's okay," he chuckled, my brain was trying to get my attention but I ignored it. "I'm lost myself. Where are you headed to?"

“Some hall, I'm supposed to meet up with a bunch of people I don't know. So it’s not like I can text anybody for help." I showed him the details on my phone.

“Looks like we are headed to same place, but I know everybody. And none of them are answering their phones anyway." He smiled, something about this guy. I recognized his smile, but not his voice. Which is odd for me, normally I recognized voiced first.

“Well, isn't that nice of them." I chuckled, he was a damn good looking man.

“I guess it would be better to be lost with someone then be lost alone." He stuck his elbow out inviting me to take it.

“Sounds like a wonderful plan, People look at ya weird when you talk to yourself." Open mouth insert foot. He let out a deep chuckle.

“That's for sure." We continued to wandered the abandoned building.

“Karl!" Someone yelled from behind us, he turned his head looking over shoulder. It was dark and couldn't make out the mans voice but I knew who it was right off the bat. He jogged over. "Where the hell have you been?"

“Lost." We followed Chris as he walked back the room where everyone was. It didn't take long to figure out who I was walking with or what movie this was now. "who's your new friend?"

“Actually I never got her name."

“My name is Renee Winter."

“Ah, your going to play the new ensing." Pine flashed his pearly whites. We walked into the large hall. Easily over a hundred people, slightly loud, and I felt like a panic attack was about to hit. I must of instinctively gripped Karl's arm a bit tighter. He looked over at me with a bit of concern on his face.

“Hey, your fine. Just breathe." He whispered into my ear. "Let's go get a drink and then I'll introduce to everyone."

He ordered two drinks, I was trying to gather myself back up. He handed me something, I took a sip, it was sweet and warm despite the ice. He made eye contact with me, and smiled.

“So what's your anxiety from? The amount of people or because of who all is in the room?" He asked, I turned my head to survey the room. Karl gently brought his knuckle up and turned my head back to face him. "Breathe, and keep looking at me."

“There's a lot of people here, and it's the complete uncertainty of the situation." I breathed out, breaking eye contact and looked down at the ground.

“You'll be fine, we can go and let you meet people one on one. Take a break and step out into the hall, get a breather in." I just nodded, slowly looking back up at him. "I have a couple close friends and family members who have anxiety. So don't worry about judgement."

He slowly lead me around the room, I faked being fine. Joking around while getting to know the cast. It was an hour into the shindig before we stepped out in the hall. I sped to the opposite wall and started to gulp down air like fish.

“No wonder they picked you. If it weren't for the death grip, I wouldn't have suspected that you any anxiety." He jested.

“Sorry, bout that." Turning, pressing my back against the cool wall. I stared at ceiling, wondering how big of an ass I was making myself out to be.

“So, tell me about yourself, Renee." He asked leaning up against the wall with me.

“Like what?"

“What other acting gigs have you done?"

“None, literally the first time auditioned."

“Seriously? Lucky break, most get turned down hundreds of times."

“I know, I was banking on that."

“Huh?" I could see the perplexed look out of the corner of my eye.

“I'm not an actor, I'm a writer. I was doing this to get used to rejection before I sent my stuff to get published. But seeing how I'm cursed, I ended up getting the part." I chuckled to myself.

“Wow, how's that going for ya?" He chuckled with me.

“You know, my sister asked me the same thing."

“Sounds like a smart lady, come on. Time to go back in there." I took a deep breath and walked back in.

“Sorry, I'm terribly late, I got lost in the building." I heard a very unmistakable British accent. Well, my sister is going to flip when I tell her this.

“No big deal, Tom. So did we." Karl replied, giving the man a hug.

“Glad to hear I wasn't the one." Tom chuckled back.

“Tom, this is Renee. She's also new to the Star Trek world." Tom took my hand a gently shook it.

“Pleasure to meet you." He smiled, yeah, my sister was going to murder me in my sleep.

“Nice to meet you too." The rest of the night was just greeting and making small chat. The end of the night Karl walked me back to my car. "Seriously though, thank you. I don't think I would of made it. I would of stood awkwardly in the corner the whole time, looking at my phone every two minutes."

“No big deal. So what hotel do they have you staying at?" We finally reached my car, I grin back at him.

“The beauty of this, I get to go home every night. I live local."

“Lucky duck." He laughed, "kinda jealous."

“Yeah, but I don't get room service. I mean I could try yelling at my sister to make me food but she's a chef and hates coming home to cook. So she would probably poison my food."

“Yeah, don't do that." I opened my car and sat in the seat. "See you tomorrow?"

“Yeah, I'm supposed to be at the make up trailer at 5am. So I'll probably be up earlier, knowing satan." He gave me a weird look. "The personal trainer they gave me."

“Ah." He laughed. I started my car and waved before I left.

*****

“So, tell me." I had just barely cracked the door open.

“Not even going to let me walk in." She was waiting on the couch like black panther.

“Nope, what movie? Who's it in? And no spoilers."

“The new Star Trek, the usual suspects. And I can't tell you all the crew with out giving you any spoilers." I smirked.

“Hang on, what do you mean you can't tell me all the crew without giving me spoilers?!"

“Because someone is in it that normally isn't. And you said no spoilers." I smirk walking into my room.

“Renee Abigail Winter! I'm not done talking to you!" She yelled following me.

“Rosalyn Amy Winter, you told me not to tell you." I flopped onto my bed, repressing my urge to laugh.

“Come on, Renee. Tell me." She pleaded, I shook my head.

“Oh, look at the time, it's midnight and I have to be at work at 5am. I really do need to get some rest now." I feigned a yawn, I was tired but this was far more entertaining.

“Please?!" She was hopeless, if I didn't tell I would get no sleep. If I did tell, well, I probably get no sleep.

“How about how this, I'll text you tomorrow when I get a chance. Because I really do have to get some sleep."

“Fine." Her voice was full of rejection as she slid off the bed. "You better remember."

@kitkatkl

#karl ubran x ofc #karl urban fanfic #karl urban #badplan #chris pine #star trek cast

23 notes · View notes

onblackwings · 6 years

Text

☽ RULES/ABOUT ☾

Hi, there! This my Batman Side Blog. Which means that any follows/follow backs will come from [X]. My main blog was born from a love of Judge Dredd, the fandom for 2000AD’s series isn’t very big or active on tumblr in contrast to DC. RP to me is mainly about having some simple fun or telling a story, I won’t write the best Batman out there, but also hopefully won’t write the worst either. This blog will also have some General Content. Edits, and other such things as I make my way through some of DC’s content.

Batman isn’t like Dredd where you can start from point A and just keep reading to the present arcs. There are a lot of iterations, incarnations, multiverses and reboots. So based on that my Batman/Bruce Wayne will be primarily based on: The Animated Series, Arkham Games, Rebirth Comics, and a few others to form my own Interpretation of the Bat. As with all interpretations/portrayals it will evolve over time.

Verses and AUs will vary based on who I’m writing with. Ie, when it’s set, which members of the Batfamily are involved/in the story, how much of a multiverse/crossover there is, etc.

BASE STATS: Independant Roleplay, FC: Karl Urban, Mun & Muse 21+, Non-Selective, Non-Exclusive, Contains General Content, A couple years of on/off RP experience.

BASIC RULES:

18+ NSFW is for Violence & other Mature themes here.

Ask Box and IM are always open. Non-Selective for RPs, Semi-Selective for following due to my main blog. (If an RP works out, I’ll end up following anyways).

TUMBLR EATS THINGS LIKE NOTIFICATIONS. So ask about a thread or anything else if you need to, (Just please don’t spam me).

Constructive Criticism is welcomed, and appreciated. However blatant anon-hate will merely be deleted, turned into a joke, or perhaps blocked.

~If you’re chill, I’m chill. (Let’s keep things copacetic shall we?)

#Rules/About #Linked Page #//That should cover the bare bones.///

2 notes · View notes

thelightofthingshopedfor · 7 years

Text

My dad wanted to see Ragnarok and I was happy to see it again, so I ended up watching it again today and I liked it a lot more the second time--I think my biggest problem was that a lot of the serious/important/dramatic moments were almost immediately interrupted (and sometimes undercut) by jokes, but on a second viewing I already knew when the jokes were coming, so it wasn’t nearly as jarring and I was able to focus more on those serious moments, the characters’ expressions (by which I mean Loki’s expressions, yes, sue me), and the ways everything tied together thematically. So now instead of enjoying it as I watched but then unhappily fixating afterward on the things I didn’t like, this time I came out of it with a lot more appreciation for the story and the sheer style of the film, and also FULL OF LOKI FEELINGS.

A few other observations under the cut:

the more I think about Loki’s stupid play, the more I think it’s just REALLY SAD. like...he couldn’t get this recognition while he was alive so at this point he just kind of went “fuck it, I’m going to tell this story my way” and at least have fake versions of Thor and Odin saying what he always wanted to hear. (it’s also really interesting to me that Loki-in-the-play was even more specific in his apologies to Thor.) he’s dead but he’s controlling the narrative of his own life--including, apparently, the part about being a Frost Giant.

Loki was 1000% about to cry after Odin died and you will never convince me otherwise

FOR REAL THOUGH Tom Hiddleston’s fucking face in this movie--I mean, always his fucking face, and the subtler aspects of his acting have always impressed me, but I noticed even more in this one because there were more scenes where he was present and reacting but didn’t have many/any lines, so he had to convey everything with facial expression alone. and holy shit did he ever.

okay I didn’t realize this the first time but the bit where Thor’s being introduced to Sakaar like it’s a super-trippy Disney ride? the music in the background? IT’S FUCKING “PURE IMAGINATION” FROM WILLY WONKA, I SHIT YOU NOT. YOU KNOW, THE ACID-TRIP SCENE ON THE BOAT, IT’S LITERALLY THE SAME TUNE

my first time watching, I noticed the two young women who pulled weapons as Skurge and the draugr army were coming toward the Asgardian refugees on the Bifrost, and I was ready for that to be treated in a really gross way--you know, “ha ha the little girls thinking they can do anything with their little daggers, isn’t it cute, now step aside so the menfolk can handle this” or whatever, and I was relieved when that didn’t happen. it wasn’t remarked on at all, in fact, letting them just be a couple more brave Asgardians ready to fight. what I noticed this time, though, was that I think those were the two Skurge was flirting with in his first scene--I’m not positive, but I really hope I’m right, because if that’s the case it adds a really interesting layer to the whole situation. they get more characterization and screentime, making them more than the way-too-typical thing of pretty women essentially being props for men to show off in front of. Skurge, who was showing off for them before, is now probably about to kill them, which forces him again to confront what he’s doing; on the part of the two women, they probably actually liked this guy or they wouldn’t have been hanging out with him, so there’s an aspect of personal betrayal...and rather than being shown crying and trying to hide or something, their response is basically “fuck you, asshole, we’re probably all gonna die but we will absolutely cut you first” and now I kind of want fic about them.

of course if I’m wrong and those two at the end are just two random Asgardians, this is all moot, so...again, I really hope I’m right, because it’s just a lot more interesting that way

Skurge in general had a nice, complete arc when he really wouldn’t have had to--he could’ve just been the basic character type of buffoonish heavy who didn’t give a shit about anybody else, but instead even he got to redeem himself with a deliberate, self-sacrificing choice at the end. Karl Urban did an amazing job too, of course, bringing a surprising amount of depth to the role just with his facial expressions.

despite writing a little about it, didn’t really occur to me that Loki absolutely had options other than returning to Asgard--obviously I recognized that he made a completely deliberate choice when he came back to the ship in the end, but I didn’t really realize he made a bigger one before that (and, well, I wrote about what I think his reasons were and how he came to that decision). because...he didn’t have to go back to Asgard. Korg and his little army didn’t have any particular destination in mind, I don’t think, so even if Loki was going with them, he could’ve gone...anywhere. for that matter he probably could’ve grabbed a different ship and left by himself once Korg turned off the obedience disk. he didn’t even have to leave Sakaar--I was thinking probably he did because he didn’t have Thor to buy his way back into the Grandmaster’s good graces, but considering his earlier proposal to Thor about overthrowing the Grandmaster, he could’ve seen the revolution as the perfect opportunity to take control himself and just...rule Sakaar, have fun, be the new Grandmaster. hell, he probably could’ve convinced Korg etc. to fight for him and actually guided the whole revolution from there. and instead he made a completely conscious, deliberate choice to return to Asgard, help Thor, and save as many people as possible (his people, because apparently three years of ruling Asgard gave him some sense of duty and responsibility after all). that’s...pretty huge.

obviously I don’t know for sure if that ship at the end is Thanos & co. but a) it would make sense considering Infinity War will be the next time we see Thor and b) judging by how much more immediately alarmed Loki looked than Thor did, I think at least he thinks it’s Thanos, which...ow

#thor: ragnarok #thor: ragnarok spoilers #ragnarok spoilers #thor #loki #skurge #odin #tom hiddleston #marvel cinematic universe

46 notes · View notes

laguera25 · 6 years

Text

Movie Review: Hangman--SPOILERS

I rented Karl Urban's latest flick, Hangman, from Amazon today. After the scathing reviews that attacked everything from the acting to the writing to the shape of Karl Urban's nose(no, really), I was expecting a noxious mess of tired cliches, wooden acting, and trite writing.

Well, it was all of those things, and yet, it wasn't as bad as most reviews insist. We live in an age of hyperbolic exaggeration, where nothing is simply serviceable or mediocre. It's either the WORST EVER, OMG, or THE BEST EVER, ALL THE AWARDS. If you doubt this, just look at the paroxysmic histrionics from both sides of The Last Jedi fandom. Those who hate it swear that Rian Johnson is a soulless apostate who has murdered their childhoods by assassinating the character of Luke Skywalker, and who has shat, shat, I tell you on the holy Star Wars legacy. Those who love it, by contrast, declare it might be one of the best Star Wars movies in the canon, and extol the progressive virtues of its casting and storytelling. There is no middle ground, no place for enjoyment without veneration or disappointment sans vitriol.

Hangman is no The Last Jedi. It's a piddling potboiler with a bland, hackneyed script and dialogue that sounds like it was written by a fifteen-year-old trying his hand at the deft psychological thriller, armed with only every season of NYPD Blue, Blue Bloods, and Serpico as his guideline. Poor Karl spends most of his time brooding over his secret manpain(which later becomes integral to the case and film)and bellowing, "Police! Freeze!" in the dark, and Al Pacino drawls his way through scenes with all the verve and conviction of a sedated three-toed sloth. They're both saddled with the unappealing task of carrying Brittany Snow, whose character is utterly superfluous except for the fact that the director needed her to invade Det. Ruiney's privacy, root through the file on his wife's murder, and thereby reveal the linchpin for the final act and provide Ruiney with the impetus to embark on a vengeance quest. Ostensibly a journalist(one nominated for a Pulitzer, as she tells any character who will listen), she performs no actual journalism and needs to be rescued from the killer in the end because of course she does.

And the killer? A nobody they pull out of their ass in the final twenty minutes. None of their previous sleuthing so much as hints at his identity, and his motive is so weak as to be embarrassing, as though the writer just went, "Well, time to wrap this up. Let me go to my handy bag of angst cliches and use the first one I find. Ah! This will do! Yes! Al Pacino's character will be a cop who serves an eviction notice on a single father, who in his despair will hang himself in front of his son, who will, naturally, turn into a psychotic killer. Genius! I can smell the Oscar now."

Best scene: Even a sloppily-polished turd like this one is capable of a grace note, and it provides one in the form of Karl Urban as the doting, hopeful husband with a bouquet of hand-picked tulips. He and his wife have been having trouble, you see, but she's called him up and invited him to come home and try to work things out. Filled with love and hope, he rushes home and goes around the back to pick her some tulips, her favorite, before he goes inside. But alas, when he goes inside, he finds her dead, with her short torn open and a huge gash in her chest. It's a standard manpain special, but to watch Karl's face as he goes from the giddy hope of reconciliation with a bunch of fresh-picked tulips in his hand to the horrified realization of what has happened is an unexpected gift. Whatever his professional flaws, he has an exquisite talent for displaying so much emotion with subtle shifts in expression, and he projects a sense of sweetness and vulnerability that few actors ever manage so consistently. Plus, I'm a sucker for small, hopeful romantic gestures performed by characters with their hearts in their hands. My heart melted and broke and the thought of him eagerly picking tulips behind the house in anticipation of making his wife love him again, innocently unaware of what was awaiting him in the house.

Worst scene: While Al Pacino's death ranks up there with Marion Cotillard's in The Dark Knight Rises for hammy unbelievability, Brittany Snow's "stirring", courageous, pro-cop speech in the backseat of the car after the three of them get out of the hospital is mortifying and makes me want to cram my knuckles into my mouth and crawl under the couch to escape the lethal miasma of masturbatory hokum. It's so bad that when she finally lapses into wet-eyed noble silence, Al Pacino just says, "Okay," and starts the car, and Karl looks like he wants to crawl out the passenger window and return the check he took for this job. I'm sure it sounded great on paper, but it fell flat on screen and should've been cut. No, most people don't realize the sacrifices that good cops make, don't understand or care that each of them grapples with their private demons, but to have that speech delivered by that character, whose great trauma was...getting a small scar after being attacked by a cartel member beggars belief. She's sitting in the car with a guy who fought the bogeys in the dark for thirty-six years and a guy who came home to find his wife butchered on the bedroom floor, and they're supposed to be moved and impressed by her retelling of the time some guy pulled a knife on her? You've got to be joking. It's one of the clumsiest, lamest, most insulting speeches I've heard, and it added absolutely nothing.

A dumb, dumb movie, but I've seen worse.

#karl urban #hangman 2017

5 notes · View notes

thevalesofanduin · 7 years

Note

'Okay but Karl Urban and Chris Pine though' :D

*glances around* Okay this is going to be a very serious attempt at a fic idea for this completely serious title… (right)In the wake of the world being overrun by the Undead it’s a miracle Laura’s managed to survive the initial outbreak, let alone the fact she actually got herself all the way to London. By all rights, she shouldn’t be alive but at least for once in her life she got lucky.Now, she’s sneaking down the destroyed streets of Camden in the hopes of finding Keeley. Her partner-in-crime and oh, how ironic is it now that they used to joke about being apocalypse buddies. She glances down at herself, at the red shirt stained with blood and dirt but Okay but Karl Urban though is still very readable. As it should be. Keeley needs to recognize her, after all and it’s a constant reminder to keep going. To find the matching Okay but Chris Pine though.The Jim to my Leonard indeed, she thinks with a huff and a small smile.Then, however, Laura freezes. Because there she sees familiar blonde hair, a familiar purple shirt and her hands shake, the bat almost falling from them as she sobs: “Keeley?”Keeley’s shoulders tense for a moment before she turns around. Her eyes are wide, tears threatening to feel yet there is a blindingly relieved smile on her lips as she cries “Attila!” and runs over to envelop Laura in her arms.Finally, their duo has reunited right on the edge of humanity’s end.(tl;dr Keeley is my zombie apocalypse partner and when shit hits the fan we’ll be rocking our matching shirts while killing zombies, trying to find Karl Urban and Chris Pine in the ruins of what was once humanity [in an attempt to reproduce human life *cough cough*])Send me a made-up fic title and I’ll tell you what I’d write

#oh god this was hillarious #and hit me up people!#I won't get tired of these #I am loving this

4 notes · View notes

benegap · 7 years

Text

The New Prohibition: The Hip Culture Wants You to Abstain

Addendum: March 24: Time, Alcohol is good for your heart—most of the time.

Drinking alcohol in moderation is linked to a lower risk of certain heart problems. Just don’t overdo it.

America is a temperance culture — a country where the movement to ban alcohol has been strong — along with a handful of other nations (every one of them English-speaking or Nordic). Yet many or most of these other cultures have abandoned their temperance roots (it is hard to call the UK, Australia, even Ireland and Sweden, temperance nations today). But in the U.S. temperance runs strong, even being adopted by many of its leading intellectual forces.

As I write this, one of America’s most famous reformed drinkers, Jimmy Breslin, has died. Breslin, and his equally famous abstinent, formerly hard-drinking Irish-American journalism friend, Pete Hamill (author of A Drinking Life: A Memoir) were pioneers in the New York culture of neoabstinence.

It might seem arbitrary to point out that the two men were Irish bred. However, they are prototypes. As I pointed out may years ago in the New York Times, George Vaillant’s book about drinking by urban ethnic groups found, “Irish Americans subjects were seven times more likely to manifest alcohol dependence than subjects of Mediterranean descent.” And, yet, Vaillant found that the Irish were far more likely to abstain!

How is that possible? Here’s another “paradox”: There’s a negative correlation between the amount of alcohol consumed in a culture and the percentage of those who experience drinking problems — including (hold onto your hat) a far higher level of cirrhosis in the nations that drink the least alcohol overall!

How is that possible, class? Drinking problems, up to and including cirrhosis, are caused by imbibing great amounts of alcohol at a time — binge drinking. In Southern European cultures, alcohol, most often in the form of wine, is drunk regularly and moderately, with meals.

As one Italian described this difference in drinking patterns:

In the Northern countries, alcohol is described as a psychotropic agent. . .. It has to do with the issue of control and with its opposite – ‘discontrol’ or transgression. In the Southern countries, alcoholic beverages – mainly wine – are drunk for their taste and smell, and are perceived as intimately related to food, thus as an integral part of meals and family life.

Ancient prejudices, you say? These differences were even more firmly established by the cross-cultural study of drinking patterns, where Irish binge drinking on weekends, along with steady moderate Italian drinking, have been certified by empirical research: Ireland is the leading (but not the only) European binge-drinking nation (consider the Finns), and contrasts starkly with Italian drinking.

And, at the same time, in the words of Swede Mats Ramstedt and Irish National Alcohol Policy Adviser Ann Hope who studied Irish drinking in comparison with that of Central and Southern Europeans, “a significant proportion of the Irish population do not drink any alcohol. In this study 23 per cent had not consumed any alcohol during the past 12 months (the American percentage is higher!). Compared to the other European countries, this fraction is about three times as high.”

Here is my summary of additional European research among young drinkers:

The European School Survey Project on Alcohol and Other Drugs (ESPAD) reports that, among Irish 15-to 16-year-olds, 47 percent have been drunk in the past year, 26 percent in the past month.

The comparable ESPAD figures for drunkenness among Italians teens are 27 percent (versus 47 percent) and 12 percent (versus 26 percent).

Why are young Italians so much less prone to get drunk? Recently, my friend and colleague Dr. Franca Beccaria published “Alcol e Generazioni” (Alcohol and Generations), comparing the introduction to drinking of young people in Italy versus northern cultures.

Youngsters in Italy have difficulty remembering when exactly they first tasted alcohol — but generally they recall it was between ages seven and eight, when their families allowed them a small amount of wine mixed with water. The northern Europeans to whom Italian youth were compared in this study were Finns. Like the Irish, Finnish children are not introduced to alcohol at home. The Finns typically drank for the first time at age 15-16. They did so with peers, and usually became intoxicated.

Older Italians and Finns remember this initiation into drinking as adults. In fact, they often recreate it. For example, the European Comparative Alcohol Study (ECAS) found among Finnish men that 29 percent of drinking occasions involve binge drinking. This figure is 13 percent for Italian men.

Lately, Scandinavian drinking has been memorialized by the autobiographical writing of Norwegian writer (he now lives in Sweden) Karl Ove Knausgaard, who described days of binge drinking in his youth:

The next three days were a blur, we drank day and night, slept at Asbjørn’s, got drunk in the morning, ate in town, continued drinking in his apartment, went out in the evening, to all sorts of weird places, such as Uglen or the bar at Rica, and it was wonderful, nothing could beat the feeling of walking across Torgalmenningen and Fisketorget in the middle of the day, drunk, it was as though I was right and everyone else was wrong, as though I was free and everyone else tied and bound to everyday life, and with Yngve and Asbjørn it didn’t seem wrong or excessive, just fun.

But that is changing to some degree, at least in Sweden. Sweden was forced by the EU to lower its barriers on imported European wines. But, strange to say, in Southern Sweden (centering around Stockholm), drinking problems declined with easier access to alcohol! In this age of International communications and travel, the Swedes began drinking more like their Southern European neighbors!

Of course, the danger is that the same will happen in reverse — which to some degree it has — wherein Southern European youth are somewhat adopting the heavy-drinking tendencies of their Northern European neighbors (but not quite). And here’s the rub — alcohol policies promulgated by the temperance-nation led international community are aimed at making Italy, France, Spain, Greece and Portugal more like the northern neighbors — by forcing them to raise their drinking ages.

Which brings us to the U.S. The Northern European cultures want the Southern ones to raise their drinking age, like them, from 16 to 18 (in truth, there is no real drinking age in countries like Italy and Spain). Yet, only in America, the word leader in alcoholism treatment circles and temperance thinking, is the national drinking age 21!

I described this process of Americans and other temperance cultures teaching the world how to drink for Psychology Today, “End Alcoholism: Bomb Spain!” As I wrote for the Huffington Post: “I’m Single-Handedly Preserving the World’s Wine Cultures.” I know, a little grandiose. However, you might note that when the world’s leading cultural historian of addiction wrote a treatise on the recovery movement for Britain’s leading journal, The Lancet, Virginia Berridge described my role:

One prominent debate in the UK last year, “The Future of Harm Reduction and Drug Prevention in the UK”, pitched Neil McKeganey, a sociologist and prominent advocate of abstinence, against Stanton Peele, a psychologist and analyst of the “meaning of addiction,” thus epitomising the divergent positions.

Which brings us to the topic of this post. The Medium is a compilation of the leading-edge thinkers’ blog posts in America. The Medium posts blog after blog telling people to abstain. In his post, “Why Men Drink,” John DeVore describes how he quit drinking, and why you (as a man) should too. Just to touch base, this is how DeVore begins his essay — and his drinking career:

I was eighteen when I first got drunk. It was in a dorm room on the woman’s floor. This was significant because A) I was talking to actual women B) I was drinking massive quantities of alcohol for the first time and C) everyone was laughing at my dumb jokes. Later that night I drunkenly convinced myself that I was vomiting blood. (It was not blood; I had been chasing whiskey with fruit punch.) The next day I was a legend. I had no physical or social skills to speak of but my liver was mighty.

Can you see where this is headed?

But DeVore is not alone. Just days before, a woman wrote about how she had never drunk, and regaled readers with story after story of sex, degradation, and drunkenness she had witnessed from those who did. Neither could convey a single positive drinking experience that they personally had or had witnessed!

Ah, but here’s the rub. People who drink live longer, and suffer less dementia. I know, acknowledging that is a whole never-ending war that I described in Pacific Standard. Let me just summarize by pointing out that the largest ever prospective study of alcohol and mortality, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, funded by the American Cancer Society (who wanted alcohol to be bad) found that older Americans who had abstained through their lives suffered the highest death rate — higher than those at the upper end of the drinking spectrum (5-6 drinks daily) in this study of a half-million Americans!

But that’s not why people drink! They drink because it makes them feel good, because it celebrates conviviality and sociableness, because it is a life-affirming experience for most drinkers.

I’ll end with one last story. Not long before she published her best-seller, Unbroken Brain, I met with Maia Szalavitz to discuss her work on her book. Maia describes her hard-fought emergence from heroin and cocaine addiction in her youth. Yes, we discussed this over (in her case) white wine (I had a beer).

You see, drinking — or the urge to drink — is nearly universal. And, in this era of a desire people have to experience the best of life for the time they are on earth, people are going to drink — and more of them as they become better educated and are exposed to what life has to offer.

So the neo-Temperance movement has a tough row to hoe.

See Stanton’s new way of thinking about addiction in his book (with Ilse Thompsen), Recover!: An Empowering Program to Help You Stop Thinking Like an Addict and Reclaim Your Life, and practice in his on-line Life Process Program.

Addendum (March 20th): For interesting comments about drinking by Maia Szalavitz, Muslims, Mormons, and me, read comments.

Addendum (March 25th): At top of this post I added late news that drinking is good for you from Time. Here is a review from the New York Times of a Noel Coward revival about Prohibition. It is very tough to suppress something which many people find both healthy and fun.

Theater Review: Encores! Serves a Bathtub Martini in ‘The New Yorkers’

Encores! – The New Yorkers

by Ben Brantley, March 23

So this is what Manhattan looked like in the tipsy yesterday of Prohibition, when drinking was an illicit thrill you couldn’t get enough of, and the world was best seen through a martini glass — preferably of cut crystal and filled to the sloshing point with bathtub gin. The view, I must say, is divine.

Imbibe freely, all you kombucha-swilling health nuts of the 21st century, of the cocktail being served at City Center, where the delirious Encores! concert production of Cole Porter’s “The New Yorkers” runs through Sunday. The only hangover symptom you’ll feel is the blush that comes from having laughed incontinently at jokes that don’t seem all that funny in the daylight.

from Health Insure Guides http://ift.tt/2wrVtLJ via health insurance cover

#health #health insurance #medicines #cures #healing #medical #treatment #Health Insure Guides

0 notes