#and my scuba classes

[billy-cockblock]

SWTD Theory

Still Wakes the Deep has been a huge brainworm for me the past few weeks, so I wanted to make a post with one of my takes. Someone’s probably thought of this already, but I can’t find anything about it, so here I go. 

I’m gonna take this time to shout out a little sub theory of mine that plays a bit of a part in my main point. 

For a little background, in populations of organisms, there are limiting factors on their growth and spread. Think of it as a series of funnels of different sizes: the rate of liquid that can flow through is going to be determined by the narrowest funnel. For example. if there’s a population that has ample food, space, and whatever else it needs, but has a restricted access to water, that water is going to limit how large that population could grow.

Before the Shape was dug up by the drill, it was probably dormant in the sea bed, doing its best to survive, the same as any other organism. Down where it was dark, wet, and cold, I think it had one main limiting factor: oxygen.

I don’t think the Shape can efficiently exchange gas underwater. Most of the untouched bodies Caz sees are only underwater, where an organism that thrives in air would struggle to access. Once it gets dug up and brought to air with plenty of organic matter to consume and grow with, its population explodes. When a limiting factor is removed, there’s nothing holding the population back any more until they hit a new limit. The Shape’s old limiting factor was removed, and it would only stop reproducing by running out of space to grow on the rig, running out of organic matter to use, or being killed (like, say, in a giant fiery explosion).

(I could go on and on about how the Shape potentially works, please feel free to ask me about it)

Now, I’ll get to my main theory:

I think Caz was dead the whole time.

Now, I don’t mean that in a “the whole game is in his head, none of it was real” way; I mean it in a “this man got Ethan Winters’ed” way. 

So, I started to do a little research into how tall oil rigs are to know how far Caz would have fallen off the helipad. I quickly learned there are many types of oil rigs and not every oil rig of the same type is the same size. I’m studying marine biology, not petroleum engineering like my brother, so I got tired of trying to guesstimate how tall the Bierra D’s helipad would be and attacked the problem with some simple math. 

Watching a video, I saw he fell for between 4-5 seconds; the acceleration due to gravity is 9.8m/s^2. Plugging that in a calculator while not accounting for air resistance to solve for distance gets me ~80-120m, depending on if I used the 4 or 5 second count, so I’ll guess around 100m. I’ve found many conflicting sources on what the tallest heights you can safely fall into water are, but I can safely tell you that 100m is much higher than any of them. 

Now, maybe the devs weren’t going with the mathematical exact timing it would take for a guy to fall off an oil rig, and didn’t mean for it to be implied that he fell from THAT high. Still, we can agree he fell from very high up, high enough to have likely ended in injury. Maybe he’d just fall on and break a leg? Maybe an arm or some ribs?

After falling off the rig, the last frame before Caz blacks out shows the water at the top of the screen, meaning he hits the water head-first. He may be wearing a hard hat (that somehow stays on his head through the whole ordeal since he clips his flashlight to it), but he still should have cracked his skull open or broken his neck. 

When they pull him out of the water, he’s cold and not breathing, which wouldn’t be unusual for a drowning victim in the North Sea in the dead of winter, but it would usually be a death sentence. They never explain how they dragged Caz out of the water, but it would presumably have taken a long time to get him out, and time is key when dealing with someone who isn’t breathing. The fact that he’s able to cough up water and start breathing on his own is a miracle, since it doesn’t sound like Brodie or Douglas do CPR when they bring him inside.

So, fall damage, head and/or spine injury, drowning, and hypothermia. By several different factors, Caz should be a very, very dead man. So why isn’t he?

My theory is that, somehow, somewhy, the infection from The Shape healed and brought him back to life. We know for a fact it has amazing generative properties, basically able to double, triple, quadruple the amount of tissue and organic matter in the crew’s bodies with no regard for conservation of mass, so what’s just a little regeneration of damaged tissues in a single body? Once Caz’s body gets someplace with better conditions suited to life (inside where it’s warm and there’s air), it just jumpstarts his body functions. The Shape’s presumably been dormant in the seafloor for a long time, so it could be able to go dormant and kinda “come back to life” as conditions change, similar to a tardigrade, and potentially pass this ability onto its hosts.

And Caz mentions how his head hurts a lot, especially when he gets close to the Shape. 

Now, this might seem like baseless conjecture, and y’all might say “That’s a good headcanon, but there’s no evidence that The Shape could bring people back to life!” to which I would say “Oh, but there might be!"

After the helicopter on the starboard side, we get a call from Bruce, who is actively drowning. Through his gasps, he tells us that O’Connor hurt his leg and couldn’t swim, presumably drowning. And guess who we see still kicking as we’re passing through the pontoon? My thought is that O’Connor couldn’t swim, drowned, and drifted to the bottom, landing on a part of the shape. Once Caz and Brodie start working in the legs and they drain, it exposes him to air and allows the shape to start growing again, assimilating him and bringing him back to life. 

Obviously, he’s not doing as well as Caz is. My thought was that, if Caz died as he was infected, the infection would’ve had to put a lot of its energy into bringing him back, not leaving much for itself to begin assimilating him into the Shape. Since O’Connor was in direct contact with the Shape, it could hook him up to its network to help supplement that loss. Caz, meanwhile, stays as far away from the stuff as he can and doesn’t even get anything to eat all day; guy's running on empty. He has small things where the Shape affects him, like the colors at the edge of his vision, but most of his hallucinations only happen after the Shape attacks him through O’Connor. Before, I’m pretty sure the largest incident (other than when he’s blacked out) is when we can barely hear Suze’s voice over the speakers when moving through the pontoon. It’s really only after getting attacked that he starts to hear her when he’s awake, near the Shape, or over phone calls. He only hears her clearly over the speakers in administration after he runs into the shape many times when he gets swept away in the flooding.

With my main evidence out of the way, I’ll also mention that Caz sees the “light at the end of the tunnel” from the end of the game in the oil flashes when he blacks out.

But hey, that’s just a theory. 

A GAME TH- I have received a cease and desist.

Man, this became a long read. Thanks for getting this far, and I hope you enjoyed!

[delphi-star]

Hercules: explaining about eyes and movement and all that stuff.

Me: Eating popcorn already in love with this man.

[brightsunnydaysofcastamere]

Why do I need a job why can't I just take art lessons and baking lessons and scuba diving lessons and piano lessons and figure skating lessons and woodworking lessons and bushcrafting lessons and pottery lessons and horse riding lessons and sailing lessons and archery lessons and foreign language lessons and climbing lessons and welding lessons and fencing lessons and cooking lessons until I die?

[markwatnae]

This is one of the weirdest fucking days of my life.

[nyansequitur]

guess who just got scuba certified!

end goal is i really want to dive wrecks i think (end goal, not next goal)

[ckret2]

Chapter 78 of human Bill Cipher pretending he's not the Mystery Shack's captive for ten minutes:

This happens!

Whoops, sorry, zoomed too far in.

This happens!

Way more important and exciting.

####

Bill lasted—based on the sun's position—about a couple of hours before this body's needs knocked him out of his meditative mindset. He sat up with a sigh, checked his tanlines—the stripes he'd drawn across his abdomen were already darkening into a nice, angry burn—and glanced over at the lake to see what the Pines were up to.

At the moment, Mabel was holding a foot-long wiggling, glittery, gold-scaled trout in a net and grinning proudly. Stan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pointed at her in excitement as Dipper snapped a picture of them. Stan opened a cooler for her to drop the fish in. Mabel's face fell, and she hugged the fish protectively. Stan's shoulders sagged; but after half a minute of unsuccessful negotiations, he relented and pointed at the lake. She dumped the trout back in the water.

Bill clicked his tongue in disappointment and muttered, "If I'd thought they'd catch the golden trout, I would've told 'em that thing's like the holy grail to the Fishmasons." Stan probably would have insisted they keep it just so they could get something on Eugene. Bill wasn't emotionally invested in their feud; but the trout did grant three wishes. Bill could use that kind of power.

Oh well, he could tell them later. Maybe they'd get lucky and hook it again. Bill got to his feet. "Hey, old lady. I need to stretch my legs." Stretch his legs, look for entertainment, and forage for food—they were planning to be out here all day, but there hadn't yet been a grocery trip to properly stock his new fridge chest and he didn't trust Ford's nutrition pills, so he'd only brought along a bottle of hot sauce and a bottle of sprinkles and hoped he'd manage to find some food once he was here. (And if he didn't find any—well, at least he had hot sauce and sprinkles.)

"Okay," Abuelita said. She turned a page.

He put his slippers back on, dug his condiments and eye patch out of Abuelita's bag—his eyes were getting tired—put on the patch, and scanned the beach. "Hey. Looks like somebody's grilling hot dogs over there."

Abuelita made a noncommital sound of minimal interest.

"Hot dog might be nice," he said. "Looks like the grill's a biiit over thirty feet away, though..."

"Okay," Abuelita said again.

"So." He waved his braceleted hand demonstratively. "Shall we?"

"Eh. I don't want a hot dog." She slid the enchanted bracelet off and dropped it in the sand.

Bill stared at the bracelet, then stared at her. "What, that—really? You're just... really?"

"What am I, a cop?"

Good enough for him. "You're all right, lady." He wrapped the extra thread around his wrist, put on the second bracelet, and glanced at the Stanowar again to make sure the Pines weren't about to catch him off his leash.

The family was crowded around watching as Ford reeled in something heavy. He grinned excitedly as the hook dragged up a patch of soggy khaki fabric; and his smile vanished when his coat grabbed the boat with a furry hand. As the family scrambled to the far end of the boat, Bigfoot—wearing Ford's lost coat and a full set of scuba gear—climbed aboard the boat.

Ford punched Bigfoot in the face.

"Oh," Bill said. "Bigflipper. That'll keep 'em distracted for a while." Satisfied, he meandered up the beach.

He plastered on a bright smile as he approached the family with the hot dogs, veered around the husband working the grill, and walked right up to the wife sitting on a beach towel, eating a hot dog, and watching her kids play in the water. "Heeey, Wanda! What are you doing here! Look at you, you look terrific!"

The woman looked up at Bill from under her sunhat in bafflement. "I—hi? Sorry, do I...?"

"Sure, it's Goldie! Washington State! Fifteen years ago! We were in the same study group, remember? East Asian history? Honestly all I remember about the class is the other girls and that fifty percent of it was about Confucianism."

Wanda's eyes lit up, and then un-lit as she realized she still didn't recognize Bill. "Oh—heeey! Wow—sorry, guess I've slept since then."

"Don't worry about it, I'm just good with faces. Anyway, from what I remember," he jabbed a thumb toward the man at the grill, "at the time most of your attention was on Danny."

Wanda laughed again, a little more easily. "Right, god. I can't believe I made it through that semester with passing grades."

"Hey, you were still the only one in the group who could remember what order all those dynasties came in..."

Bill kept Wanda distracted for another couple of minutes with small talk about the study sessions he'd spied on out of boredom from a library stained glass window; and then, when he saw one hot dog had been set aside fully grilled and mustarded but as-yet unclaimed, he said, "But hey, I won't distract you anymore! Those kids look like a handful." While both parents turned to look at the kids, Bill snatched up the unclaimed hot dog, strolled down the beach, and called back, "It was good catching up!" That whole performance probably hadn't been necessary, he might've been able to time his loitering to swing by just as the hot dog was left unguarded; but it had been more fun this way. He didn't get to have a lot of conversations these days. Less where he felt like he was the one in control of the conversation.

He soaked the bun in hot sauce, dumped some sprinkles on the mustard, and took a bite while he glanced out at the lake again to see how the Pines were doing.

At the moment, Ford had Bigfoot in a chokehold from behind. Stan hit him with a right hook. Bigfoot kicked Stan in the chest with one immense flippered foot, and he tumbled backward into the lake.

Looked like none of them would be paying attention to anything on the beach any time soon. No need to go straight back to his cell. He scanned the rows of beachgoers sitting out by the lake, looking for fresh entertainment.

Bill's gaze fixed on one of the humans. One of these things is not like the others, one of these things doesn't belong. Amongst all the tourists in their swimsuits, one man—standing ramrod straight, dressed in a black suit, holding a heavy black device with an antenna—stuck out like a sore pale thumb in a pitch black bandaid.

An agent from the Bureau of Covert Investigations. The "eagles." The same guys that had covered up President Quentin Trembley's existence, a brief sightseeing trip Bill had taken to Roswell via nuclear testing-induced dimensional rip, and the miraculous and disgusting resurrection of cult leader/possession puppet Silas Birchtree; and, the guys that had been trying to find Bill's portal in Gravity Falls since they'd detected it in the '80s. Bill wasn't the eagles' biggest fan.

But they'd never been a big enough potential threat or a big enough potential help for him to intervene in their operations. In the mid '80s, when the lead investigator in Gravity Falls had been putting together his case, Bill had considered pulling some strings and manipulating them into taking over the portal from Stanley, before concluding they'd be more likely to disassemble the portal than activate it and it was better off in Stan's clumsy care. But all the same, he'd kept watch over their operations. 

And this, if he wasn't mistaken, was the lead investigator himself. Agent Powers. What was he doing here? Bill had thought the case was closed last year after Ford wiped their memories and sent them packing. Maybe Powers was here about Trembley? Depending on what the Pines had entered into the memory gun, the eagles might still remember that part of their operations in town.

Bill would kinda like to know where Trembley was these days. He studied the agent as he slowly finished his hot dog; and then he moved in.

"Hey there, agent!" Bill clapped a hand on his shoulder, making him start, and beamed brightly. "Welcome to town! What brings you to Gravity Falls?"

"Pardon?" Agent Powers gave Bill an appraising up-and-down look—threat assessment, probably—caught sight of his bikini top, and quickly looked him in the eye. "How did you know I'm an agent?"

"Oh, that's easy! I'm psychic."

Powers opened his mouth, paused, and then squinted skeptically at Bill.

"Just kidding. You've got an earpiece, a business suit at the beach, and the government's favorite car."

"Oh." Powers turned to glance toward where he'd parked. "Yes. I suppose so."

"Say! If you want a more covert vehicle, you oughta go to Gleeful Auto in town. You'll blend right in. Just tell 'em Mr. Locke sent you."

"Who's Mr. Locke?"

Right, Bill supposed he didn't look like much of a "Mr." at the moment. Humans didn't consider bikinis gender neutral for some reason. He took a split second to decide whether he'd get any practical benefits from trying to push past the agent's initial perception of his gender, and couldn't think of any. "Friend of mine!"

"Ah." Powers nervously looked Bill up and down again; then cleared his throat and glanced away, cheeks flushed faintly pink in the heat. "Right. Thank you, uh, citizen."

"No problem!" If Bill remembered his suits right, this agent was an easy target. Believed in "collaborating" with "local informants"; wasn't very good at the covert part of the Bureau of Covert Investigations. "You don't look like you're in town on vacation! Investigating anything interesting at the lake?"

"Well..." Powers flashed Bill a quick sideways glance before nodding vaguely toward a couple of people in dive suits further up the beach. "If you must know, we've picked up some evidence of the lake recently flooding its banks. Which is strange, because the amount of rain this area's received can't account for how high the water climbed..."

Not here about Trembley, then? "Flooding? Think there's any danger, agent? In our quiet, harmless little town?"

"No, no. Nothing like that," Powers said quickly. "But, I've said too much. I should go." He shifted his footing anxiously. He did not go.

What was that about? Bill glanced down at himself; he still looked perfectly human, didn't see anything that should make a government agent nervous. Was it the lack of shaving? Was that too Seventies Feminist for Mr. Government Suit? Was the eyepatch setting off his secret agent "Soviet supervillain in a spy movie" instincts? He couldn't have noticed Bill stealing a hot dog.

Should Bill press his luck? (Stupid question—of course he should.) "Say, you keep giving me these odd looks, agent! Anything you wanna say?"

His pink cheeks flushed darker. "Er, no, no ma'am. It's just, I uh..." He gestured vaguely toward Bill, "I... couldn't help but notice that your... sunscreen is a bit streaky."

Bill glanced down at his tan lines. Streaky? He thought the burn lines were coming out pretty crisp.

The agent went on, "I was wondering if you needed help applying it more evenly." It took a split second for him to realize what he'd just said; and then he went even redder.

Bill raised his brows. Huh. "Nooo, I'm great, thanks. It's supposed to look like that."

"Oh." Powers's brow furrowed in confusion. "All right." He nodded. "In that case, I really should be going, then."

"All right!"

But Powers hesitated again for a moment before finally moving up the beach away from Bill.

Well. Interesting. Interesting reaction.

He checked on the Stanowar again to make sure the Pines hadn't seen anything. At the moment—he squinted—they seemed to be playing poker with Bigfoot. He must not have liked Mabel's playing (unsurprising; she was an incorrigible cheat), because he picked her up and chucked her in the lake.

"She's fine," Bill muttered. "She's got her life jacket." They were good about that in this town.

He watched as Powers met up with the divers farther along the beach; and then he headed back to his towel.

####

Bill had decided his front was sufficiently roasted and was struggling to apply new sunscreen stripes to his back so he could flip over, when he overheard somebody say, "Oh hey, Toga Lady?"

Bill twisted around, already grinning in greeting before he'd even seen who was talking to him. "Heya!" It was Broken Heart and two of the others. Wendy's gang. Robbie, Tambry, and Nate. "What are you guys doing out here! You don't look like the beach types!" (In deference to the environment, all three of them had donned swim trunks and sandals; but that was as beachy as they'd gotten. Nate and Tambry were in black t-shirts advertising metal bands. Robbie was still in his hoodie. Robbie's legs nearly glowed white.)

"Hanging," Tambry said, one arm around Robbie's back and face glued to her phone.

Nate elbowed Robbie. "Dude, he's Toga Guy, remember?"

"Toga 'Lad' would be better," Tambry said.

"You sure?" Robbie asked. "Sh—he's kinda..." He gestured vaguely toward his own chest, realized that probably wasn't the best way to make his point, and finished, "uh... bikini."

"I don't want to spend my day arguing about whether I've got the right to go topless!" Bill got to his feet and planted his hands on his hips. "I could talk my way out of trouble with the police—it's the tourist parents I'm worried about." He pulled up one strap to examine his shoulder. "It's gonna ruin my tan, though."

They took in his tan in progress: several horizontal lines across his lower torso and upper thighs, a few disconnects vertical lines stretched between the horizontal ones. Tambry glanced up from her phone, snorted, and started typing faster; Nate said, "Dude, are you trying to make bricks like the triangle guy?"

Bill froze, mouth open. "Uhhh..." Sure, that was the objective—he just hadn't really expected humans to find it that obvious. Nosy little pattern-seekers. "I mean—"

"That's cool," Tambry said. "Stick it to the man."

Robbie had screwed up his face a bit, but at Tambry's reaction, he shrug-nodded and conceded, "Yeah, it's kinda punk, I guess."

Nate said, "Praise Bill or whatever, right?" He laughed. "Yeah, I thought about getting a tattoo of him. Up here or something?" He pushed a sleeve up above the snake tattoo wrapped around his left bicep to show the blank spot on his shoulder. "But my parents would flip if they ever found out. Maybe I should do the brick thing too, it's way subtler." Nate turned to the other two, lifted up his shirt, and said, "Hey Tambers, do you think I'd look cool with bricks around my waist?"

She didn't look up. "No."

"What if I got an eye on my chest too?"

"Let me think. No."

Bill watched this back and forth with wide-eyed stunned silence. Hold on. What? Praise Bill?

"Pfff, whatever!" Robbie rolled his eyes. "Hey, you're gonna regret getting a Bill tattoo once I get my sick symbol off the anti-Bill circle. It's like... giving me a permanent rock-paper-scissors win against you. For the rest of time."

Nate laughed. "Shut up, whatever man! The circle didn't even do anything."

"It would have! It was, like, glowing!"

"Heeey!" Bill stepped into the trio's line of sight again. "Right, yeah, praise Bill, by the way any of you wanna help me get my back?" He turned around to gesture over his shoulder. "Little favor between punk weirdos?"

"Yeah, sure." Tambry tucked her phone into Robbie's hoodie pocket and held out her hand for the tube of sunscreen. "Just continue the lines around your back?"

"You got it." Bill lifted his arms. "And try to keep the bricks evenly spaced."

"What is this stuff? Some kind of suntan lotion?"

"It's more like anti-sunscreen," Bill said. "By the way, you probably wanna wash your hands after this unless you want sunburned fingers." He wiggled his own fingers, which were faintly flushed from applying the first layer of sunscreen that morning.

"Hey, anti-sunscreen," Nate said, "you could call that, uh... sun-beam." He paused. "No wait, that's already a word."

Robbie laughed. "You're an idiot."

"Sooo," Bill said. "Is the triangle guy cool now? Not—not asking for any particular reason. Just curious."

"Oh, yeah," Tambry said. "Like half the school's decided he's our crazy anti-authoritarian counterculture chaos god now?" (Bill was adding that to his business card.)

Robbie said, "Somebody set up a shrine to him in a hollow tree stump behind the school. People started making animal sacrifices to him during finals week."

Nate said, "It's chicken nuggets and cafeteria tacos, but. Y'know. We didn't say live animals."

"Huh! Interesting!" Bill tried, unsuccessfully, not to sound too excited. He was hip with the youth. Who'd imagined! This was what he got for hanging out with the town's cops and politicans, he could've been exploiting this for a month. "But I think he prefers receiving gold!"

Nate laughed. "Dude, I'd prefer receiving gold, too. What we have is chicken nuggets and tacos."

"Fair enough," Bill shrugged. "By the way—if you want a Bill tattoo? The traditional style is to shave your hair and get his eye above your forehead, right here!" He tapped his skull over his brain's frontal eye fields. "It tells him right where to enter."

"Oh, sweet! That's perfect," Nate said. "I can shave, get a tattoo, and just keep my hat on until my hair grows back. No one will ever know!" (Bill tried to imagine hair growing out of his eyeball, and wished he hadn't.)

Robbie said, "Hey, weren't the Pines like... not letting you go outside because you knew him or something? That's what Wendy said."

That wasn't the story he'd told her. He'd have to find out where she'd picked that up. "Or something. It was more because of dumb academic ego-measuring contests than anything to do with that."

"So, they finally letting you outside alone now?"

"Only for group trips." Bill pointed out at the lake.

The three teens squinted toward the boat. "Whoa," Tambry said. "Are they arm-wrestling Bigfoot?"

"Oh, yeah. It was poker earlier."

For a moment, all activity ceased as the teens watched the battle out on the lake. Nate sat in the sand and propped his chin in his hand. Figuring Tambry was done with his stripes, Bill plopped onto his beach towel to watch as well.

Bigfoot defeated Stan, and Soos switched places with him to try next. Soos lasted five seconds before Bigfoot flipped him into the water. Melody scrambled to help pull him back aboard as Bigfoot pumped his fists in the air victoriously. Bill snorted.

"Bad luck," Robbie said. 

"I could beat him," Nate said. "Hey Robbie, think I could beat him?"

"Pfff, no."

"Bet Wendy could," Tambry said, recording through her phone as Bigfoot generously indulged Dipper and Mabel's attempt to take him on as a team. The guys murmured vague agreement with Tambry.

"Buuut anyway," Bill said, reluctant to let the conversation get too far away from himself, "yeah, I might've talked to the triangle guy a couple, several times."

"That's pretty cool," Nate said. "Hey, we oughta hang sometime, I bet Lee'd wanna hear about that. It'd probably drive Wendy crazy, but..."

Tambry let out a dismissive pff. "The triangle stuff's been driving Wendy crazy all year. She can take it."

"Not a fan?" Bill asked.

"Nah, she thinks the whole thing's creepy. Her and Thompson both."

"I think the whole cult thing's fine," Robbie said magnanimously. "As, y'know, one of the people prophesied to defeat him. If he ever really came back and caused trouble, we could handle it."

Bill tried not to roll his eye. Bold words out of a guy who, a couple of years ago, had left a plate of spaghetti in the woods to see if an "evil triangle" urban legend was true, and had thrown up when Bill dragged him into a dream state to show him just how true it was.

On Earth, urban legends about Bill tended to pop up and wither away in waves around the epicenter of his latest area of influence—like mushroom rings spreading away from a patch of ground they'd depleted of useful nutrients and left to die. Bill suspected the local urban legend Robbie had stumbled upon had been passed down in Gravity Falls for thirty years by teens misinterpreting Old Man McGucket's crazy ramblings about a "demon triangle" and "spaghettification."

He was always torn on whether to encourage or quash such urban legends: on the one hand, it was handy for humans to know he existed and was available for deals; but much less handy when they warned each other away from him. More than once, knowledge of him had nearly broken into the mainstream, and he'd had to put all his other plans on hold to focus on deflecting the whistleblowers' information into obscurity.

Apparently encouraging the spaghetti one had been the right move, if a year after his brief conquest of Gravity Falls the teens were offering him sacrifices rather than cursing his name.

Nate punched Robbie's arm. "Why would he cause us trouble? He's our chaos god, remember? We've given him offerings!"

"I like that attitude," Bill said. "Hanging out sounds fun! We'll... figure something out sometime." As soon as he found a way to make the Pines let him go outside without being surrounded by babysitters. Wouldn't that be humiliating, a full adult hanging out with teenagers and it's the adult who isn't allowed outside without a chaperone. No, that wasn't an option. If he came with an adult attached, they'd ditch him in a heartbeat for being too much of a drag.

The teens made their farewells and headed down the beach, Tambry and Robbie with their arms around each other again. Tambry wiped the anti-sunscreen off her hand onto the back of Robbie's hoodie.

As they went, they walked past Agent Powers—who was looking right at Bill.

Bill stared. The agent quickly looked away.

He didn't like that one bit. As he adjusted his position to lay face down on his towel, he said, "Hey, Dolores. You get the feeling we're being watched?"

"Hm?" Abuelita glanced up from her book toward Bill, then looked where he was looking. "Government." She made a disapproving noise and turned back to her book. "Nothing but trouble."

"You said it." Why was Powers so focused on Bill. He couldn't possibly be in any kind of trouble, he hadn't even existed until a month ago. And the eagles probably didn't know that, did they?

Nothing Bill could do about it in the middle of a beach trip. He propped his chin in his hand and checked on the fishing crew again.

In a fury, Bigfoot had ripped the motor off the back of the boat and lifted it over his head. The Pines family huddled together at the other end of the boat, trying to shield their heads.

A golden trout jumped out of the water, arced majestically through the air, and smacked Bigfoot in the face. Bigfoot stumbled backward and tripped out of the boat.

Hm. Maybe letting the trout go had been the right move. Bill shut his eyes and lay back down.

####

The sun was low and most of the beachgoers had gone home when the Stanowar chugged back to shore, battle-weary, disheveled, and dissatisfied. Except for Ford, who was wearing his sopping wet coat over his waders, holding one boot, and pleased as punch.

"Hey!" Bill shouted. "How'd it go!" He surreptitiously tossed half the bracelet over to Abuelita. She quietly slid it on.

Crankily, Stan yelled from the dock, "You didn't mention Bigfoot in a scuba tank!"

Bill shouted back, "Bigflipper wasn't there when I looked! What, did you expect me to check the entire spacetime continuum to find you the perfect fishing?!"

Faintly, he could hear Ford say, "See, I told you his proper name is Bigflipper."

Mabel repeatedly poked Dipper in the arm as they crossed the beach. Dipper flinched each time. "Ow, ow—Mabel. Cut it out."

"That's what you get for forgetting your sunscreen, bro-bro!"

Dipper's arms and face were bright red with a sunburn. "I didn't forget! I put it on at the beach, right before we left!"

Bill grabbed up Abuelita's empty water bottles and tossed them in the nearest trash can, along with the rest of his tube of anti-sunscreen before anyone could get a good look at it. He ignored the kids and said to Stan, "But it was a good fishing spot, right?"

Stan grumbled, but grudgingly admitted, "Yeah. Until tall, brown, and hairy showed up. We caught four fish! That's gotta be at least as good as the guys from the lodge, right?"

Bill winced. "Ooh. Sorry, they went by an hour ago with eleven fish."

Stan let out a roar of outrage and threw his fishing rod in the sand.

"Grunkle Stan, you don't go fishing to catch fish," Mabel said. "You go fishing to catch memories! Look at this!" She held up a bunch of photos. "This is a whole scrapbook spread right here! We caught sooo many memories."

"And my coat," Ford said. He was admiring his #1 Grunkle pen, which he'd taken from the coat pocket.

"I'd rather have fish," Stan grumbled. "All right, c'mon. Let's get..." He trailed off, looking past Bill. "Hey, is that...?"

Bill glanced back over his shoulder, and grimaced. Agent Powers and his protégé were watching them from the far end of the beach. Bill quickly turned back around. "Yep. Your old friends from last summer," he said. "They've been scoping out the beach all day. I don't know what they're here for—but you probably wanna get out of here." More importantly, Bill wanted to get out of here—but he didn't see any benefit to letting them know he was nervous.

"He's right," Ford said. "If they see us long enough to recognize us—and his memories start coming back..."

"Who are they?" Melody asked.

Soos whispered loudly, "I'll explain it in the car." Bill bit back the need to point out that whispering didn't make a difference as far away as the agents were.

"I don't get it," Stan said. "What are they doing back here?"

"You wanna go ask him?" Bill asked. Stan grimaced.

The Pines and Ramirez families piled back in their vehicles and headed out. Bill had the uneasy feeling that Agent Powers was focused on the Ramirez's truck as they left.

####

(How long have I been promising the Agent Powers plot, since like the May before last or something? Here it is!!

Next week, either we launch straight into the Powers plot, or I finally have the Axolotl chapters (it's chapters plural now) sufficiently edited and we do that first, because once we start the Powers plot there's no place for a break until it's over. Hopefully the Axolotl chapters will finally be ready by next Friday, but if they're not...... tough. It's fine though, you'll live.)

[aliesbienish]

Rocking the Boat - Part Two

Buddie x Reader AU. Two reluctant dance novices wind up in a beginners ballroom class while on a cruise. Will it be smooth sailing? Not if the cute dance teacher can help it. Part one

Day four - Tuesday

The ship had docked overnight and you awoke to palm trees and turquoise water beckoning from out your cabin window. Your parents had picked the shore excursion for the morning, a trip over the reef on a glass bottom boat. While that sounded amazing, it was knowing afterwards you could relax on the beach and daydream about two of your fellow shipmates which has really put a spring into your step.

You were briefly regaining your land legs as you waited with your family, and other excursion members, to board the smaller boat when you heard your name from somewhere in the line behind you.

Turning around you easily spotted the familiar face towering over the rest of the line. giving your family a quick smile you made your way back towards him.

"Hey Buck, fancy seeing you here. Are you also getting dragged along to this?"

"On no don't let him blame us for this, the idea was all his," his sisters' partner responded - Chim if you remembered correctly. "This man is obsessed with animals. He has been learning about all the native species of fish for weeks."

Buck blushed but nodded his head in agreement. "This area has one of the highest diversity of species in the world. There are species here that haven't been spotted outside these coral reefs and others that have been limited to this area due to changing conditions or invasive species."

"We were initially going to go scuba diving to get really immersed, but this little girl vetoed that so the glass bottom boat was the next best thing," Maddie said running her hand over her baby bump. "Actually you two should sit together - Buck's facts would be wasted on Howie and I. Mainly because we have heard them all."

Unbeknownst to you, Buck gave her a glare for meddling. "I'm sure you don't want to spend the whole trip listening to me."

"Actually I'd love to." You blurted out, purely focused on the chance to get to hear Buck passionately ramble again. "It is that or listen to my Dad make fish puns the whole trip. You'd be doing me a favour!"

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"Okay so see all the bright fish over there that kind of looks chrome?" You nod as you spot the fish amongst the coral, "That's a type of parrot fish. Did you know they are called that cause they have teeth that are so tightly packed it looks like it forms a beak?"

"Oh I see! That's really cool. Always nice when its a logical name"

"Right! And even cooler is that most of the species are born female and then change to male later. And it's the male's that are the bright colours, the females are generally a duller brown or red."

"Oh, so it's pretty likely that this fish is male then?"

"Yeah, and in it's terminal phase".

"I know your friend said you were doing this for fun, but are you sure you aren't a marine biologist?"

"I wish! Just an avid reader unfortunately."

"Then what do you do? If you don't mind me asking."

"I'm a firefighter actually. Not quite as cool,"

"Literally," You joked, "But I beg to differ. You're actually doing every kids dream job."

"Yours included?"

"Absolutely, I wore a firefighter costume three years running for Halloween. Eventually realised it might not just be all cool rescues, but actually is probably very emotionally taxing,"

"Yeah, the good days are great. But when things go wrong its hard. Luckily I have an amazing squad I work with, that really helps."

"I know you probably hear it so often, but what you do is heroic. Not many people would choose to put themselves at risk for others, and certainly not every day. But in saying that I'm certainly glad you are getting a break, I'm sure it is well deserved."

"Me too, but it feels a little bittersweet you know? I love Maddie and Chim but I can't help wanting to have someone to experience this with for myself."

"I understand. It's nice being here, but you can't help but think you are intruding. That it is just a pity invite."

"Yeah, you get it." Buck said, giving a wistful smile before shaking his head. "Sorry, not sure how we got here - might be time to lighten the mood."

"Okay, I think I can help. Do you know that you're not the only one who's done their research?"

"Yeah?"

"So you see those bright red corals there? They're called fire corals. Although they aren't really corals, but are more jelly-fish like!" You begin excitedly as Buck looks on in awe.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The time on the boat with Buck had been amazing, he was so easy to talk to and really just the sweetest. You really didn't want it to end, so as you stepped off the boat side by side you decided to be brave.

"So I was planning on heading to the beach bar, would you like to come?" You asked, pointing around the bay to where sunbeds were set up in the distance. "Only if you want of course, I completely understand if you need to spend time with your sister. Or if you want a break.." You rambled.

"I'd love to," He smiled interrupting your monologue. "Just let me go tell Maddie." He jogged off while you found your own family to let them know. Some gentle teasing followed, but eventually you waved them back on the boat.

"Ready," Buck said making a reappearance. Following the bay around you chatted about the favourite things you spotted on the boat. You decided on a manta-ray, while Buck after much deliberation went with a red sea star.

The walk wasn't long, but it was certainly hot, so by the time you made it to the bar a cold drink was in order. After ordering the cocktails from the bartender you spotted a familiar face on one of the lounges.

"Hey Buck, is that Eddie down there?" You gestured to the sunglass clad shirtless man, sitting alone.

"Oh," Buck licked his lips unconsciously, "I think it is"

"Should we go join him? Do you think he'll mind?"

"I guess there is no harm in asking."

Approaching you gave a little wave, trying to get his attention. Eventually he caught sight of you both an his face broke into a gentle smile.

"Fancy seeing you both here," Eddie said, sitting up to make room on the lounge.

"Small island," You joked, taking a seat across from Eddie.

"Us? This is what you get to do on your day off? Clearly I'm in the wrong gig," Buck said, sitting down beside Eddie.

"I'm really sorry to break the news to you but I don't think dance instructor is a viable career for you Buck," Eddie snickered.

"I don't know Eddie. I think some of the older ladies will happily take any class he teaches."

"Uh-huh. Just older?" Buck said, looking you up and down.

"We all know the answer to that, but I'm not going to inflate your ego further by voicing it." You blushed. "Don't think you'd be short on male participants either to be completely honest,"

"Oh he wouldn't," Eddie muttered, eyes going wide as he realised he said it out loud.

"Don't worry Eds, I don't think I could steal your class away. You have the actual skills, and well to put it frankly - you're hot as hell,"

For a second you felt like maybe you should leave the two men to their devices as they maintained each others gaze - gentle smiles tugging at each of their lips.

"And you?" Eddie asked, turning to you and raising a brow.

"I was never even thinking about overthrowing Eddie and taking the class,"

"That's not what he asked and you know it," Buck quipped, his tone firm but teasing.

Your cheeks warmed, "I think you are both so attractive it's distracting,"

"Interesting," Buck and Eddie muttered in unison.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ So no actual dancing in this part - I promise we'll get back to it next time. Very happy to throw marine organism fun facts in there - Buck is truly a man after my own heart.

[strangelittlestories]

The hunger is getting bad now. Whatever I made a deal with, it changed me. Made me ravenous. A hunger that even blood, ambrosia and Five Guys cannot sate.

And it gave me teeth. I can’t see them, but I can feel them. Like my spirit has sprouted vicious inch-long incisors. I’m scared to use magic; I tried placing a blessing on a guy in a bar (he was having a hard time) and I’m sure I nearly killed him. My anima was too sharp. Whatever this thing is, it made razors of my spirit.

I ended up emergency-dumping the energy into the place’s sound system. Half the clientele ended up bleeding from their ears.

I need to work out what this is. But it’s beyond my expertise and out of my weight class. And even if it wasn’t, if I tried a divination right now, I may end up trying to snack on the Worldsoul…

So I go to see an expert in all things big, bad and dangerous to owe. I go to see Senara.

Senara is an old-school sea witch. In fact, when it comes to sea witch education, the school is not just old. It’s ancient. And she founded it.

Elemental power. Primordial mystery. The secrets of the deep. Drowning sailors. The whole five fathoms.

She’d sing you to your doom and you’d applaud as the waves claimed you.

She's also a tricky person to pay a social call. Oh, there's all sorts of tricks to contact people remotely. But Senara won't deal with you that way. She's got some real nasty wards to hammer home the point; and pretty much any magical comms leaves you open to backlash. You're reaching out with a tendril of your anima, after all, so don't be surprised if she turns it into a collect call (what she's collecting is *you*).

And most arcane chicanery is out because of my *situation*. So my usual trick of “lying to the ocean about how you're actually a very unusual octopus” is out. 

But I do still have a few tricks squirrelled away and a few favours owed.

Magic is, fundamentally, about truth. About understanding what is true. About using it. About negotiating paradoxical truths with the Worldsoul.

And some stories are so old and reach so far down, they have veins of truth running through them. Like, for example, stories about people being swallowed by giant fish…

—

The ocean here is beyond night-dark: it's void-dark and mine-deep. Thankfully, the beast that owed me one is modelled on (or perhaps a progenitor of) the angler fish. Its ‘esca’ - the little luminous bobble on its dorsal ray, which attracts prey - cast a globe of light that illuminated way down to Senara’s cave.

She meets us at the entrance and swims languidly up and into the angler’s waiting mouth. There, in the beast’s maw, we regard each other.

I smile from behind my breathing apparatus and raise a wetsuit-clad hand to wave.

“My, my.” Her voice cuts clearly through the brine; the sea has long since learned to give in to her whims. “I never thought you’d dare visit me once more.”

“Let me start by apologising for my behaviour.” By contrast, the little microphone and speaker in my mask makes my voice tinny and the water makes it muffled. “When we last-”

“Spare me your sorry little instagram apology. We are magicians, after all, and are in the business of truth.”

She reaches out with one webbed hand and pulls the scuba mask from my face. Before I can truly start to panic, she leans in close. She breathes out a little bubble of air, which begins to float around my face.

I breathe in deep. It smells like her.

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to kill me or kiss me there.”

Her smile is wider than the beast’s that carried me here.

“I reserve the right to do either or both, if it pleases me. But first, tell me what brings you here.”

“I need your help.”

She looks at me. Really *looks*, deep and clear, with eyes that have seen behemoths rise and cities fall into the ocean.

“Yes you do. The only question is, will it amuse me more to refuse you or to assist you? Which will cause you more pain, I wonder?”

“Let me put it this way … if you don’t help me with whatever curse has leeched onto me, I don’t think I’ll make it. And, hey, you know how much living hurts, since I left The Embrace…”

“Ah, there it is. The wizard’s wanton way with reality. The truth both mutable and inviolate. Every word you say is correct, but still a snare to catch me in the *version* of the world most favourable to you.” The smile fades from her face. “But as you’re not wrong, here is a little bit of help and a little bit of truth in exchange.”

“I’m all ears.”

“No, darling. You’re all *fangs*. It is not a curse that is laid upon you, but a blessing. You have been given the gift of the pneumaphage. You are a Souleater.”

---

With thanks to Zan for the character of "Senara - Sea-witch: Vengeful; Capricious; Alluring"

If you want to submit characers of your own, you can join the Character of the Month Club on Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/strangelittlestories

[jewishevelinebaker]

Have you ever wanted to make the TF2 guys drown in a pool? Or perhaps... kiss? Well, now you can! Here's a list of my TF2 Sims 4 custom content. Playtested, all LODs, all base game compatible. If you come across any problems let me know, but I don't think you should.

I made 3 items for Scout: his cap with headset, shirt with rolled up sleeves (comes in RED and BLU), and a necklace with 2 dogtags.

For Sniper I converted his hat, made a pair of sunglasses with a yellow tint, and added his facial scars. The scars can be found in skin detail, freckles. Also for Sniper I took a vanilla hairstyle and drew on his funky hairline.

Shown with Makesims' Hand Wraps

Here are 3 vests I made by combining and changing some vanilla vests. The one on the left is intended for Heavy, as it has t-shirt sleeves. The two on the right can work for either Demo or Sniper, as both have sleeves rolled up to their elbows. Both contain swatches with and without Demo's long undershirt sleeves. All vests come in BLU and RED.

Also shown here, on Demo and Heavy, are a pair of pants I converted from Strangerville's army career. See, normally when Sims 4 pants tuck into boots, the lower sections of the pants just disappear. But with these, because they include the shoes, the pants puff up over the top of the boots. There are 5 swatches: brown/grey, RED, BLU, and RED/BLU with gradient.

On Heavy and Sniper are black fingerless gloves. There is a swatch with gloves on both hands and a swatch with one glove (for Sniper).

Shown with Pralinesims' eye patch. Also, for Demo I used a white left eye from my Bad Batch CC for when he takes it off.

For Soldier and Engie I made these hats from scratch. Soldier's has two swatches to match his RED and BLU outfits. Engie also gets a pair of goggles.

I made Spy's mask by editing the ninja mask from the Spooky stuff pack and Pyro's by recoloring the inaccurate scuba mask from Island Living. It's not exactly a gas mask, but I really did not feel like making one from scratch and I'm not satisfied with any gas mask CC that already exists.

Pyro's mask also has a version with cat ears. For pary time, of course. Their shirt, while not exactly like Pyro's in-game shirt, has a similar silhouette which is why I chose it. There are white, RED, and BLU versions with and without the balloonicorn graphic.

I also made Pyro's gloves. The second swatch adds a black covering on the neck so that Pyro can wear many shirts without showing skin.

Here are the outfits for the rest of the characters.

Medic has a recolor of the Get to Work lab coat, RED and BLU, with and without gloves.

Spy has a recolor of the base game pinstripe suit in RED and BLU.

For Pyro, in addition to the shirt, I made another pair of pants with gradient, but this time they can go with taller boots. The boots do not come with my CC.

Engie has a recolor of the handyman overalls, in RED and BLU. I also made the gunslinger as a glove. There are two versions, with and without the bulky wrist part, so that it can still work with long sleeves and not clip.

Miss Pauling's dress has 3 swatches with different shades of purple. Please ignore the shading issues in this post's cover image; it has since been fixed but that pic was so hard to get I'm not retaking it.

I have added a few build/buy options. The 2Fort roofs (shown in the 2Fort images earlier) are a recolor of roofs from Werewolves. I also added the gym and meeting room walls from Expiration Date.

Mercenary Career!! Branches for all classes, plus branches for the Administrator and Miss Pauling. Script mods must be turned on and the files for this cannot be more than 1 folder deep in your mods folder.

All items can be found here on Sims File Share.

Recommended: Serenity's 1960s CC and Simduction's Dixie Hair for Ma 💖

My build of 2Fort and my sims can be found on my gallery, username Dadverinee.

[mummer]

context i get an annual $800 “wellness activity” benefit at work that pays for athletic stuff like gym memberships and ski passes and fitness classes but does not pay for equipment or clothes etc. can be stretched to “mental wellness” things like meditation classes and apps. However i do not do any exercise that requires money or memberships because i dont want anybody looking at me. i hate sports and dont want to do them. let it not be said that i will let any free money go to waste though. Suggestions in replies also welcome i just have to convince the hr lady that it counts.

[markwatnae]

I have work 10-4 tomorrow standing all day at the touch tank and then my discover SCUBA class 6-9 bro I’m going to be EXHAUSTED

[lutraslutra]

@beet-feet thanks for the tag!

Inventing a tag game-

What are some side quests you want to do? They can be completely unserious, maybe hobbies you want to pursue sonetime or something utterly outlandish?

Let's see... In no particular order:

1

I'd like to learn a couple more languages

I am currently learning Swedish, not because it is the second official language, but because I wanna watch Young Royals without having to bother with subtitles 😂

2

I'd like to go on a UK adventure, wanna see England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland... All by train and walking cause I don't drive

3

I would absolutely love to meet David Tennant and Michael Sheen, even if it's just for a photo with me in the middle dressed as Muriel 😆

4

I'd like to meet some of the people that have met online, have a good old Good Omens Fandom picnic, have a toast To The World ✨

5

I'd love to be able to join a gym or a swimming club, or go back to dance or fencing classes

6

Visit Australia, Japan and South Korea, eat everything that dares cross my path

7

Do theatre again, like a proper musical or a big play

8

A huge one... I'd love to be able to live out of my creations... I'm no longer able to go into the world and work like a "normal adult" due to PTSD and the fact that said PTSD burned by ability to mask for any significant periods of time

9

Go on a trip around the world's best scuba diving spots!

10

The ultimate dream ✨

Have a big farm/land where I can live in a commune with people who want to chill, growing their own food, keeping some goats, chickens and cows (no to eat them 👀) a place near the beach where I can just go jump in the ocean every time I want to

Now now

Let's tag some people~

No pressure

@shadesofecclescakes @phoen1xr0se @di-42 @maaikeatthefullmoon

[catboybiologist]

How good at swimming do I need to be to free dive?

With all honesty, pretty fucking good, but not in the sport sense.

I don't like organized competitive athletics on principle, partially because I physically can't participate in the overwhelming majority of land-based ones. I had a real shot at competitive swimming though, but never did it because of that mentality.

You don't need to be fast, or have good times, or know a million strokes, or be elegant and not splash.

You do need to be really, REALLY comfortable in the water. Like, it needs to be second nature to you. You need to slip under the surface without thinking about it. You need to not be worrying about whether you're floating. You need to be able to never worry about getting back to shore. You need to accept that there's gonna be waves and chop.

Here's the way I think about it: you need to be extremely functional at swimming to freedive. You don't need to be athletic at swimming to freedive.

I've know a lot of swimmers who were extremely athletic about swimming, who weren't functional at all. They could leave me in the dust in terms of speed or form in a pool- of course they could. Throw them in the ocean, and they're a drowning risk. That can't be you.

That said, physically, I think it's an extremely accessible sport. A good freediving class will help you get to that point- any PADI accredited freediving class will have a pool component, and they'll either teach you some swimming, or tell you what exact skills they'll test you on. Will everyone get triple digit feet underwater and have 2 minute bottom times? Of course not. But getting ~30seconds of bottom time, at depths less than 30 feet, is really accessible imo. First off, there's little to no pressure on your joints (the entire reason I swim as my primary exercise in the first place). Good breath holds and times are WAY more about how you regulate your breath, heart rate, proper weighting, and power level of your kicks than they are about your raw cardiovascular health. People say this about a lot of sports, and most of the time, it's bullshit. But both freediving and scuba are far more technical than they are physical.

[calciumdeficientt]

Wade and Tom hcs pleaseeeee 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

I lov u wade i lov you tom. I actually have a whole post of tom hcs that you can check out here:

but i for sure have a few left in the tank!!!!!!1! Im gonna spritz some of my remaining tom ones, release my wade ones unto the world and then zoom in a little on their relationship >:D

TOM GURNEY AND WADE MARTIN HCS

TOM GURNEY

Skin picker. Big time skin picker. He just cant seem to help himself, its sort of a nervous tic. If he could just leave his fucking face alone for five minutes his acne would have cleared up a long time ago. Most of the marks on his face are actually just scars because he wont stop PICKING!!!!!

Saw the hobo get beamed up after the last fighting moves mission, i know this is pretty much canon atp but i think what would make it so much more batshit is if it had happened in BROAD DAYLIGHT. And no one other than tom gave a fuck. He comes out with all kinds of stupid conspiracy shit on the daily so no one even thinks to try and argue. They’re all like “yeeeah okay buddy whatever you say..”

Very emotionally mature, because of this he’s very painfully aware of all his shortcomings. He’s a good dude at heart but its aside pf him people never see. He’s pretty well renowned as the clique tapper, but honestly, he only talks so much because he doesnt wanna worry his friends by being all quiet and mysterious.

WADE MARTIN

MAAAAAAJOR little brother syndrome. He and Christy are only a year or so apart (possibly projecting bc that’s the gap between me and MY brother) but he gives me the vibe of a little kid who feels the need to show off because he’s younger. His general demeanour and outlook on the world tells me that he’s sort of crying out for attention and to some degree, help. He talks a lot about repeated suspensions, and the fact that no one seems to care about them anymore, and also the fact that he’s not doing all that well in his classes. He’s a kid that neeeds intervention, a firm shove in the right direction… and maybe some counselling. He’s practically jumping up and down on the spot yelling ‘LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MEEE!’

More family hcs, but he and Christy only share their father. They have different mothers. Both women aren’t really in the picture beyond what the custody laws state they have to be. Christy’s mum left her with their dad when she was a baby, and Wade’s mum was his side piece. They divorced when Wade was 11. He hates both their guts for separating in what was a pretty tumultuous transition period in his life. If I’m getting my numbers right, 10-11 is the transition from elementary school to middle school. It was during this time that Wade started to struggle, he was a gifted student in his early years, and thus was left to his own devices. Because of that lack of support, his grades slipped and slipped and slipped, he just barely passed the entrance exam to get into Bullworth, and then started outright failing.

His hyper sexual voice lines are a way of deflecting away from how he really feels. Encouraged by his father, Wade feels he has to be this big, macho guy. He’s been brought up by his dad to believe high school is all about chasing tail and finding someone willing to have your kids straight out of the gate. In his head, Wade’s not about that at all. He wasn’t quite ready to be a man, he’d have liked a few more years of being a kid. Manhood is this big, scary, complex thing that he’s not ready for yet.. especially if its anything like Mr Martin tells him it is.

Takes great pride in his hair, but he does dye it. You can’t be a ginger bully, that’s like a spoon with holes in it or concrete scuba flippers. It doesnt work, its weird. It’s ugly. He and Trent do their hair together, he trusts Trent with it more than he trusts himself, the kid has been bleaching his own hair since he was 12, he’s a professional. And besides, he’s not gonna pay someone in a salon to dye it, what if he gets caught????

WADE AND TOM

They’re very close friends, I think wade was one of Tom’s first friends at Bullworth, back when he was this scrawny, quiet kid with a big ol birthmark over his eye. Wade had intended to beat the crap out of him to show him what was what, he looked weak and easy to snap. All brittle like a wafer cookie. Upon seeing his eye, Wade wrongfully assumed that someone has beat him to it, and knowing what a tumultuous home life could do to a kid, he invited Tom to come sit with them at lunch and he just… never left.

They really remind me of Troy and Abed from community dynamic-wise. One emotionally mature, but mildly childish dude (Tom) and one smarter than he appears meathead (Wade). Where they differ from Troy and Abed is instead of building blanket forts and acting out TV shows, they give swirlies and smoke cigarettes like they’re going out of fashion. “…” “…” “you wanna go do burnouts in the train yard dont you Wade” “Get OUUTA MY FRIGGIN BRAIN MAN! How’d you know that?!” “Lucky guess.”

Closer with each other than anyone else in the bullies clique. They lay on the roof after curfew and talk. For HOURS. They’ve been doing it for so long now that they’ve started smuggling sleeping bags and blankets up there so they can just sleep once they’re done. Wade likes that he can be open with his troubles about home., his many many troubles. Every day there’s a new home trouble. Tom talks about his fears about the secrecy at Bullworth and his theories, he feels like Wade is the only one that even bothers to TRY and see his point of view. Wade cries a lot during these little almost-therapy sessions. And Tom is right there with him, patting his back and wiping his tears. It’s cute.

Garage band duo. Tom is the drummer, Wade plays the three power chords he knows on his busted up hand-me-down Stratocaster that can barely plug into the amp anymore and really desperately needs new strings, and screams into the mic. It’s pretty hardcore, but it doesn’t actually sound all that bad. They work pretty well as a two piece and have played a total of four gigs, but its always been foe them anyway. They don’t wasn’t the gig money or the fame, they just wanna rock out.

[imagitory]

Yes, I know, I'm shocked too -- but once again, it seems, I have to talk about Disney's Wish. Truthfully, this entire analysis was one I never set out to write, but I felt like I had to after having a really good conversation with my mum about this deleted scene featuring Asha's grandpa, Sabino; the sentiment expressed by some Disney fans that its inclusion would've helped fix the film; and even the purported perspective that the development team was deeply unhappy about the corporate decision to cut it.

So first off -- do I think this scene is that magical missing piece that would've fixed Wish? Not exactly. I do think that Sabino putting the idea of wishes being worth fighting for into words for Asha that she even could've reprised later while fighting Magnifico could've been very powerful. Just imagine how much stronger the story would've been if Asha had used Sabino's song to rally the town against Magnifico -- not only creating the payoff of Asha making her dear Saba's wish of inspiring people as well as her own wish to make things in Rosas better come true, but ALSO bringing Magnifico's worst fears of rebellion against his rule to life in an ironic twist! But even if including this scene could've improved the film, I don't think it would've fixed everything wrong with its story and characters. It did, however, inspire that really fun conversation with my mum, and we realized together what this scene at least partially provides that the finished film didn't --

A reason to care about the wishes Magnifico hoards away.

When I was in college, I took a screenwriting class, and one of the most important lessons the professor taught us was to give your main character(s) a strong desire and then give your audience three strong, disparate reasons to root for your character in reaching their goal. This way, if one of the reasons doesn't resonate with a member of your audience, maybe another one will. The more reasons you give your character to want to succeed, the more people in your audience are likely to feel for your character's position and support them in their actions.

Let's use Disney-Pixar's absolute masterpiece Finding Nemo as an example, just for kicks. Marlin wants to save his son, Nemo, after he gets captured and taken away by human scuba divers. The audience wants Marlin to succeed because his reasons include --

Love. Marlin loves his son very much and is very protective of him, partly because Nemo has a disability that Marlin worries puts him at particular risk being on his own.

Past trauma. As seen in the prologue of the film, Marlin lost the entire rest of his family to a horrific barracuda attack that also resulted in injuring Nemo while he was still an egg, so Nemo is the only family Marlin has left.

Guilt. Marlin feels responsible for what happened to Nemo, because they were in the midst of a fight about Marlin's helicopter parenting when Nemo put himself so close to the human boat and got captured.

The thought process behind this writing trick is that you want your audience to care about what your character is working toward. This is how you get an audience really emotionally invested in their struggles and story, and it also helps define who the character is as a person, understanding not just what they want, but seeing the lengths they'll go to in order to chase that desire. And this is what Wish seems to understand symbolically, but not enough to use this knowledge while shaping its screenplay or characters.

In the finale of the film, all of the people in Rosas whose wishes were taken can still gather enough "stardust" or "magic" or "dreaming whatever" to defeat Magnifico without them. The magic is inside of them, even without the contents of the bubbles Magnifico took from them -- because our wishes, dreams, and ambitions come from who we are, as people. They're a piece of us -- they're informed by who we are -- our happy memories, our past scars, our personalities and hobbies and values. What makes dreams coming true so beautiful is seeing someone become a more complete version of themselves through it!

And yet...what do we learn about any of these characters that tie into these wishes and why it's so important their wishes be returned and/or granted? What visually communicates that these wishes are so integral to these people's personalities and souls that they're a pale shadow of who they used to be without them? What emotional justification is there for anyone to care if Rosas's citizens achieve these flights of fancy? Are there any real stakes or grave consequences if those wishes aren't granted?

Why do we care if this one lady wishes she could fly, or this other one wants to make dresses? What do we care if this one person wants to sail a ship and travel the world? This one guy wants to climb a mountain or something, but...so what? We don't know any of them from Adam! The film tells us that these wishes are really important to these people, but we don't get any emotional reasons to be invested in whether or not these people's individual wishes come true.

Even characters we do meet like Simon -- what about him made him want to be a knight? Where did that wish come from, in his character? Was it fueled by misguided patriotism? A desire for glory? Being bullied as a child and wanting to prevent others from going through the same thing? We have no idea! Imagine how much more Simon's "betrayal" scene would've hurt if we'd gotten to know Simon as this dreamy, idealistic person who grew up reading fairy tales about knights bravely protecting their kingdom and being heralded for it, only for that wish to be twisted by Magnifico to make Simon serve his king blindly with no free will of his own. Imagine how much more interesting of a character Simon would've been if there had been real context behind that wish he'd made and given up, and how much more interesting his relationships with his friends could've been as a result.

What about Asha's mother? Her wish is treated as incredibly important in the film, since Asha tries to steal it from Magnifico like she did Sabino's and Asha and her family react with such upset when Magnifico crushes it, and yet we never once learn what the wish even was. Even when the wish is reformed and returned to Asha's mother, we STILL never learn what it was and by extension what it meant to her mom and why it was a bad thing that it got crushed. Why should we believe this wish of Asha's mum's is so important if we never even learn what it is? Because the film said it's important? In the immortal words of Will Turner,

(source)

Just look at Joe Gardner in Pixar's Soul. Would you care so much about him wanting to get back to the world of the living if you didn't learn through the film that he'd been dreaming of playing jazz since he was a child and had finally landed this big gig with a jazz band after years of rejection and his own mother never supporting his dream right before dying? Would Joe have connected with 22 the way he had over the course of the story if it weren't for not only his goal, but the character, passions, and world view that fueled his pursuit of that goal in the first place?

My mum, while we had this discussion of ours, put forward her own experience. When she was a young woman, she dreamed of having a family of her own: a husband, 2.5 kids, a house with a white picket fence where people could gather together. Over time, though, Mum kind of resigned herself to the reality that it probably wasn't going to happen -- she was pretty solidly focused on her career, she hadn't had much luck in her long-term relationships, and she'd gotten to an age that having her own children was incredibly unlikely. This doesn't mean my mum lost that desire for family -- it's still a part of her, and it informs who she is as a person. She's always taken care of the many cats she's had over the years as if they were her children. She made and has kept life-long friendships with people who've become like siblings to her. She even ended up becoming something like a mother figure for her ex-boyfriend's daughter from a previous marriage, while she and that boyfriend were together. And when I was conceived (pretty miraculously too!), my mum never hesitated for a moment about whether or not she wanted me. Even if my father had chosen not to stand by her and me, she would've pursued that dream of motherhood she'd thought was lost to her all the same.

THIS is what the deleted Sabino scene has that the finished film doesn't, though still in a bite-size amount. The reason the filmmakers give us for why we should care about Sabino's wish (and, one could argue, the town's wishes) is that when his wish is returned to him, it allows Sabino to connect more deeply with his granddaughter and his daughter-in-law through the music he's so passionate about.

The reason we the audience should care about Sabino's wish is the connection he makes with others.

We still don't know where that wish came from in Sabino's character or back-story, and the theme of connection through one's dreams is something that certainly could've been explored more if it had been kept...but for the first time, through this deleted scene, the filmmakers gave us a reason to care about that little magic bubble besides just telling us that they represent a heart's deepest desire and we should want everyone's wishes to come true because wishes are good. (Which honestly has a lot of problems -- the film never even bothers to explore any scenarios where wishes could truly be dangerous or morally wrong to grant, such as a wish to rule this particular kingdom or that this one person will marry you, regardless of their opinion on the matter.)

The song Sabino sings in this scene says that if a wish is powerful enough to fill your heart and make it "close to breaking," then it's one "worth making." But to tell a story worth telling and create characters worth rooting for, you need to show -- not just verbally explain -- why your audience should care.

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Weekend vibes ✨

Friday night reading with a cat and tea. I just bought myself some team and I’m excited to lean into the tea vibes and maybe become a tea person. Mostly I want an excuse for more fun mugs.

Saturday and Sunday I spent doing a scuba class! I am getting padi certified. Mostly for a girls trip to Thailand in March and also to go in Hawaii in January when my partner has a conference and because it seems fun. I had to pass an online class before even taking the in person class. Which then made the classroom parts of my all day all weekend class kind of repetitive. The pool scuba diving was cool though! Parts of it were hard, like taking off and putting back on your mask and trying to breath out continuously for a full 30s (I have fully lost my ability to hold my breath for any length of time. It just doesn’t come up very often in my life now that I don’t play the French horn anymore nor am a child doing breath holding competitions). Over all though it was cool to breath underwater and I am excited to do my open water dives and the rest of certification in Hawaii.

Saturday night we also went to a tiki bar that was doing a Christmas pop up. I loved my dance of the sugar plum fairies drink in a Christmas tree 🎄 I loved less the na drink I got my second drink (didn’t want too much alcohol do to the scuba the next morning but the other drinks were better). Also while this place is fun it’s truly wild to be how expensive a couple of cocktails and fries can be.