#and my trauma makes it impossible to let anyone close or tell them whats up

[papikyoo]

what drew you to kabumisu? :3

i've meant to answer this since forever but oh my it's going to be a long post XD

I once said it's Kabru's line of thoughts for me. I don't think he will move on with his day and not thinking of how promising Mithrun's life is, he would want to be there, witnessing it, helping him find the purpose even. I believe it's a bit ooc for him not to do so. While he also finds comfort in the absense of social expectations, when you examine closely he has some cynical view about people because he's learned at a young age that he needs to prioritize others' safety and feelings, it is expected of him (Milsiril as an immature mother and Kabru who lost his hometown and family so he set the impossible standard for himself)

He deduces their motive so he's always one step ahead and solves their problems. So when he faces a person who doesn't expect anything of him, it helps him developing the need to do things for himself, that need is still about helping others ofc because he's not going to unlearn the trauma response soon and helping others encourages improvement as long as you don't sacrifice your own needs, the difference is helping Mithrun also let him reflect on himself, swallow a bitter pill, and lead by example.

And here's Mithrun, needing a guide, needing someone who will bring understanding and stop him when he's going to set himself on fire or crossing the lines, while knowing where he comes from. I don't think Mithrun shared his backstory to anyone except Kabru because he even tried to deter Kabru's enthusiasm, other canaries members don't really understand him, he started to cry when Kabru, possibly the only person who knew, touched him because he knew Kabru would relieve his sadness that's bottled up, so it's safe to say that he wasn't that comfortable telling everyone his own past or struggles, it makes sense to me that Kabru noticed and told him the world didn't need to know all of that, treating him like a human with grace. You see, there's always one guy who will be one step ahead and hold him down.

Let's say I just think they complement each other, similar but not the same, what the other person lacks challenges the other to be a better person, they can pick up the slack for the other's weaknesses and work well as a team as you can see in the six days chapter. If i'm being honest, I don't think that their relationship journey is a path paved with rose because both of them have their own conflicts waiting to be resolved. But I really can't think of more suitable characters to ship them with, so they are an endgame ship to me. They also have their funny moments too lol. Thank you for the question, I hope this is comprehensible!

[lulunothulu]

“A Bullseye to the Heart” (Ch. 2)

Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Latina Reader

Blurb: You’re with Phoenix trying to forget what happened at the bar but you’re stuck in your mind after having an anxiety attack. Being hit brought you back into the mindset of being in the past with the traumatic experience that happened a few years ago. Now, you’re starting to open up to Natasha, but you can’t tell her everything… no matter how close you two are.

Catch up here: Chapter 1

Contents: mentions of anxiety, domestic violence (mentioned!), trauma, some fluff, mental health/flashbacks (some)

Word count: 1,370

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who loved the first part. I’ve always wanted to write fan fiction on here and I’m so glad you all have welcomed me with open arms 🥹 enjoy chapter 2!

-Lulu

Chapter 2

As you walk to Phoenix’s car, you can’t help but feel that rush of relief wash over you. It’s like what happened at the bar had freed you from Nick and instantly you can feel the tears coming. You have to stop in the middle of the parking lot to breathe them away.

“Y/N?” You hear Phoenix but her voice is muffled, so far away you feel like she’s miles away.

Your body starts to feel like you’ve been hit by a truck, everything around you turns to black. You slowly feel yourself fall back into that dark mindset you fought so hard to get out of. Flashes of men over you, knives and wicked smiles aimed at you and your body. Another flash of your body, broken and battered in the mirror of the hospital the people who found you brough you to. Your face was bruised, hardly recognizable and yet, still you.

Oh God. Please take me out of this. Don’t let me fall into–

You feel hands on your shoulders, lightly shaking you.

“Y/N!” 

You blink and as quickly as it started, it ends. Phoenix stands before you, eyes wide and breathing as rapidly as you are. 

“What happened?” You ask. 

“You were having a panic attack or something,” Phoenix tells you. She rubs your arms lightly before asking, “What was that about? Are you okay?”

“I must’ve been triggered by everything,” You tell her. It’s true, you know for a fact that you were triggered especially because Nick hit you. 

This episode, however, felt different. It felt like when you first came back. When you wouldn’t let anyone but Rooster and Phoenix touch you. When you couldn’t sit in the box and let the canopy close shut because you felt like you were being closed in that dark, secluded room again.

“Let’s get to my place and we can talk about it,” Phoenix says, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“If you don’t mind,” You start. “I’d rather not talk about this.”

“You have to talk about it with someone.” Phoenix leads you to her car, looking around the parking lot.

“That’s what my therapist is for,” You joke. 

Phoenix shakes her head, a small smile on her lips. “You’re impossible.”

“You love it!”

Later that night, you’re tossing and turning in bed next to Natasha. You can’t stop thinking–and dreaming–about what happened at the bar. The dream then somehow circulates to dreams about laying in the grass, body bloodied and bruised.

You don’t like to talk about it—let alone think and dream about it—but you know you have to tell someone. Maybe you’ll tell Nat when she wakes up but then again, you don’t want to burden her with the details.

Instead, you get out of bed and walk into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, you grab a bottle of water and begin to drink it while you look at the pictures on Nat’s fridge. 

There’s a few of her and Rooster smiling into the camera, arms wrapped around each other, another of the whole gang smiling together with Pete on the tarmac. But the one that makes you freeze is one with you, Phoenix, and Rooster the day before your jet went down and you went missing.

You remember that day distinctly. You played it over and over in your mind.

You weren't worried about the mission. All you had to do was bomb a weapon’s shelter and then get out of there. 

Easy work. You could do it with yoru eyes closed.

That night, Rooster and Phoenix took you out to dinner at one of your favorite restaurants and you all finished the night at Hard Deck. You were happy, excited even. When the morning came around, you felt something deep in your gut. Something was going to happen and you didn’t know if it was good or bad. Either way, this mission was an open and shut kind of case. And because the mission was so easy, they sent you alone.

Shaking the memories of that day out of your mind, you walk back into Phoenix’s room to find her already sitting up and waiting for you.

“You wanna talk about why you’ve been tossing and turning?” She asks. 

“Not really,” You start. “But I assume you’re going to keep asking so I’ll just tell you.”

You climb into her bed and get comfortable, knowing that she’s watching you intensely. “I keep having dreams about what happened at the bar.”

“And?”

“Jesus Nat. I forgot how much you can read me,” you chuckle. Then turning serious you add, “I keep seeing myself how I was when they found me.”

“How was that?” Natasha whispers.

Your voice catches on your throat and you feel the sob wanting to escape. Instead, you swallow it down and make yourself say, “I was bloodied, bruised. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t—”

You can’t bring yourself to finish that sentence. You squeeze your eyes shut before feeling Nat grab your hand.

“You don’t have to tell me all of the details. Not yet at least,” she starts. “When you’re ready, you can come to me.”

“I haven’t had those types of dreams in more than three months,” You croak. “It’s just something about whenever Nick gets violent that sets me off.”

“This has happened before?” You look up from your hands to see Natasha’s eyes hard in anger.

“Yeah,” you respond. “It started a month after coming back.”

“Oh, Y/N.”

“Remember that day Rooster had to carry me out of the F14?” You don’t wait for her to respond, you know she remembers. “There were bruises all over my back and legs.”

You snicker coldly before adding, “He’s very good at hurting me where no one can see it.”

“He’s in the navy too, right? Why didn’t you report him?” She asks. 

“I couldn’t,” you whisper.

“What does he have on you?” 

You shake your head, looking back down at your hands before you feel the tears fall. Your shoulder slump and begin to shake as you start to cry. You never told anyone that Nick was hurting you not to protect him but because deep down, you felt like you deserved it. You deserved to be hurt. You failed the mission and that was your punishment. You were caught and you deserved to hurt as much as you did for those four months you were kept and missing to the world.

You can feel Nat scoot closer to you, wrapping her arms around you and bringing you both down into the pillows.

You let her. 

You let her hold you. You let her softly tell you it’s okay. You let her squeeze you tight and wipe your eyes dry. 

Even when you’ve stopped crying, Natasha doesn’t let you go. You’re sniffing when she says, “We need to tell Bradley.”

“No,” you tell her. “He’ll make things worse and besides, Nick should be out of my apartment by the morning.”

“You need to get a restraining order too,” she tells you. “Can’t hurt, right?”

“I’d have to tell his commanding officer and honestly, I think he’ll leave me alone. Especially with you guys around,” you tell her. 

“Okay,” she says. “Can we go back to sleep? Rooster wanted to go for a run tomorrow morning. Well, today should I say.”

“Sure.”

An hour later, you’re still awake. You stare up at the ceiling and let Nat cuddle you in her sleep. You secretly like it, though. Hugs and cuddles from Phoenix are rare so you take whatever she’ll give you.

You check your phone to see some texts from Nick���begging you to forgive him like he always does–and another couple from Rooster and surprisingly, Bob. You click on the one from Bob and smile when you see two pictures of Fanboy, Coyote, Payback, Rooster, Bob, and Hangman–Jake–smiling at the camera. The second one consists of them making weird faces and captioned, “We hope this makes you smile, Y/N.”

You quickly type back a response, save the pictures to your camera roll, and close the messages app, tossing your phone onto the bed beside you and sighing to yourself.

What a weird day.

Next part

tags: @akilatwt @russopalette

[leslutdepointedulac]

Did Nicki really love Lestat?

I feel like there's sometimes a question in this fandom as to whether or not Nicki truly loved Lestat, or if it was all a 'ruse' of sorts. Some people will say that there was no love there, either at points, or just overall. But personally, I'm inclined to disagree. The way I see it, Nicki did genuinely love Lestat, especially at the beginning of their relationship.

They knew each other as children and, to an extent, they grew up together. This already puts them in a relatively close relationship with each other. This relationship between them starts out as just a friendship, but of course this evolves into something more.

When Nicki presents Lestat with the cloak, it's him who is acting rather flirty towards Lestat, not the other way around with him leaning into him and saying

"Only the impossible can do the impossible."

A week later when they're in the room at the inn, Nicki is the one who leans in and initiates that first show of intimacy, by kissing Lestat. Granted they were drunk at the time, but Nicki doesn't give me the impression he goes around kissing just anyone, even while intoxicated. I think the fact that they were drunk was just the perfect excuse/opportunity for Nicki to act on his feelings towards Lestat.

Further down the line, when they're in Paris - and at this point have been together for several months - Lestat returns to the theatre after his 'disappearance'. One of the first things the other actors do when Lestat initially arrives, is call Nicki to tell him that Lestat is back. And once he turns up to join the others in greeting Lestat, the actors immediately part to make way for Nicki to come through. I think they all knew there was a deeper level of connection between them. They share a very long and tender moment together, which the troupe allows without disturbance. Personally, I see that hug between them as coming from a place of love, heartbreak that they had been separated, and relief that they're back together again. Yes, Nicki had previously been, and still was angry and hurt that Lestat had supposedly left him, and without any warning. Especially considering Lestat was - as far as everyone else was concerned - perfectly fine during that time, only for him to turn up out of the blue with little to no explanation as to his whereabouts. I think Nicki's anger at this was partially down to Nicki being terrified at the thought he had lost his lover, and he couldn't hold his upset in.

Skipping forward to Nicki's turning, in my opinion, his very recently experienced trauma, combined with his already fragile mental state, were both amped up x100 by said turning.

The way I see it, Nicki got overwhelmed by the recent events and his mental condition clouded his mind causing him to lash out at the one person who he loved the most. Lestat. The reasoning for him lashing out at Lestat specifically, being because he was so immensely hurt by Lestat's disappearance, with him returning acting as though nothing had happened. This understandably angered Nicki, and mixed with his strong feelings for Lestat, it all bubbled up and exploded in their faces.

I think Nicki said what he said to Lestat during their last proper interaction, because he was deeply hurt and quite frankly, he just wasn't well. I don't think he was seeing/thinking clearly, and was probably also confused by the very sudden and drastic changes in his life. This led to him taking it all out on Lestat out of a need to blame someone for everything that had happened. Lestat just so happened to be the easiest and most obvious target for Nicki to let his anger out on.

Eleni tells Lestat in her letters to him, that even the mention of his name in Nicki's presence is enough to send Nicki over the edge. But I think this was down to his mental instability, along with his lingering hurt that had festered in his mind for so many years at that point; he wasn't in his right mind and so wasn't able to give appropriate reactions to his former lover.

Before Nicki goes into the fire, he gives his violin to Eleni, with the instruction to send it to Lestat. He also says how he had originally intended to give it to him the last time they saw each other, before Lestat left Paris. In my opinion, I don't see why Nicki would've had his violin that Lestat bought him, sent to Lestat, right before taking his own life. And there is a chance that he did this with malicious intent, as a way to taunt Lestat, but in my mind, I feel as though there was some lingering care left for him. I don't know that there was any love remaining on Nicki's part, I'll be honest, but I do there was some semblance of care left in him. I don't think this is something Nicki would admit to anyone, even himself, and I also don't know that he was aware of this - that it was more of a subconscious feeling. But I still think, regardless, there was something still in Nicki that cared even just a little bit for Lestat, albeit buried beneath the darkness in his mind.

Re: Nicki's interest in the violin and his comment about wanting to 'go down' in Paris, I think his initial interest in the violin was genuine. But when people around him *cough his father cough* told him to abandon the idea, that's when it turned into a thing of spite. However, I do believe there was still an honest love for playing. Even after Nicki had gone mad, playing the violin was something he turned to as a source of familiar comfort through his dark times.

As for Paris, it was Nicki's idea in the first place for both him and Lestat to run off (although, yes, it was more of a joke when he said it.) But I think he genuinely wanted him and Lestat to get away from the village that had been suffocating them both for so many years. When Nicki said he wanted them to 'go down', I think that was also as a result of his unstable mind, and his hurt at the recent events being taken out on Lestat. There may very well have been elements of truth in what he said, but overall, I think it's just yet another example of his inability to contain his pain.

Of course, none of this excuses the way Nicki treated Lestat in the end, but I think to simply say it was all because he didn't love Lestat is missing out on taking a deeper look into the reasons why he did and said those things. To denounce the love Nicki felt for Lestat seems unfair to me given his situation.

[yesbutmakeitgay]

Once Upon A Time I Used To Know A Girl

Chapter 1

Carol Danvers x Reader

Masterlist | This work's masterlist | AO3

Summary: A mission gone wrong results in you losing a large part of your memory. What happens when you wake up and you can't remember the love of your life?

Angst, Slow Burn, Amnesia.

Big thanks to my friend, @cordeliasdarling , for betaing most of this fic :)

Word count: 827

You Don’t Even Know You’re An Angel

Captain Marvel’s ship lands on the Avengers compound, as soon as the door opens she carries your body out to the medical team who already awaited your arrival. There is worry and fear all over her features. She lays you onto the stretcher and follows them to the med bay. You go into immediate surgery and she is forced to wait outside.

Not long after, Fury finds her and sits beside her, "It was an ambush, I didn’t see it coming. She was unconscious when I found her," she says, tears running down her face.

Fury puts an arm around her, "She’s gonna be okay," is all he can say.

After several hours of surgery doctor Cho comes out to find Carol. She explains everything they did to you and how they’re gonna follow up next, "She’s gonna make it," that’s all Carol hears and it’s enough to allow her to breathe again.

"Thank you, can I come see her?" Her voice is desperate.

"It’s best to let her rest for now, you should get some rest yourself." The Captain nods and reluctantly goes to find one of the empty rooms upstairs.

A couple of days go by and you remain unconscious, Carol awaits anxiously to see you, but doctor Cho advises against it. She hasn’t slept at all, the trauma of seeing the love of her life lay almost lifeless before her too heavy to bear.

The next morning Kamala is sitting with The Captain attempting to cheer her up when the doctor comes to find her. "Can we talk? Privately."

Kamala goes to stand up, but Carol stops her, "Stay," she instructs before directing her attention to doctor Cho, "what is it?"

"It looks like she’s gonna make a full physical recovery, but there has been some damage to her brain" the doctor explains quickly so as to not get anyones hopes up.

"What do you mean?" Carol asks with a shaky voice.

"There are indications of memory loss, but it is impossible to tell the gravity of it until she wakes up." The Captain looks at her intently, "You may come see her now."

Carol walks slowly into your room, Kamala following her closely. You’re still asleep, looking weak and hooked to more machines than they can count. The Captain approaches you and carefully holds one of your hands, almost as if you’d crumble if she held it too tight, "I’m so sorry I let this happen to you, angel, you’re gonna be okay and I’ll be right here with you," she whispers, trying to stop a sob from escaping. Kamala can only watch the scene unfold in front of her, unsure of what she should do.

Some time goes by and they settle for sitting in the room and waiting to see what happens. Kamala takes it upon herself to distract Carol from the unconscious body of her lover. They’re in the middle of a heated argument about some menial topic when the heart rate monitor starts beeping faster and you stir awake. "I’ll go find doctor Cho," the girl jumps to her feet.

The blond woman stands up instinctively and gets closer to you, "Hey," is all she can muster.

"Hey," you respond, your voice is raspy.

"You’re awake." A smile begins to form on her face.

"Yeah, where am I?"

"We’re at the compound." Her voice is impossibly soft, you nod in understanding, "Kamala went to get doctor Cho."

You pause for a moment, "So you’re not my doctor?" She falls silent.

The doctor arrives, followed by the brunette girl and she begins to perform some tests on you, after confirming everything physical is in order she begins to ask you some questions.

"Do you remember your name?"

"Yes."

"Do you know where we are?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"No."

"You were on a mission that went wrong," she explains, "do you remember your partner?"

The blonde woman looks at you expectantly, holding out every last bit of hope, "No." She feels like she’s just been stabbed in the chest, unable to take it anymore she storms out of the room.

"Okay," the doctor begins, "it seems you have lost some of your memory. However, the extent of that you will have to find out on your own. Everything physical looks fine, I’m afraid there is nothing else we can do for you."

A nurse comes by to give you a care package and pain meds, you’re ready to leave when you see the brunette girl still standing in the room, "Can I help you?"

Recognizing the severity of the situation and realizing that no one else is gonna take charge she decides to take matters into her own hands. She puts on a big smile and says, "I’m Kamala and I have been appointed your re-orientation agent."

It takes you a moment to register her words, "Did you just make that up?"

"Follow me." Her smile not faltering.

Tell me all your thoughts!

Let me know if you wanna be tagged :)

Chapter 2

[jasonstodger]

Could u write a fluff/angst piece where Jason breaks into the wrong house or something but ends up staying & bonds with the reader over having scars and shared trauma?

jkajskajksja YES YES YES! Thank you for the ask, anon <3

"UNCORRUPT ME"

pairing: Jason Todd x ungendered!reader

summary: non-graphic smut | scars | referenced child abuse | trauma bonding | awkwardness

word count: 1.9k

“What are you doing in my room?”

The figure stares at you, their face masked, void of emotion. Unreadable. 

“You didn’t lock the window,” he says. His voice is rich and deep, and so, so rough it almost burns. “You… are not who I expected to see.”

You stare at them nervously. You’re sat up in your bed, your dorm a dingy, dark envelope of self-pity. Those searching white lenses trail over you, lingering on the many thick, deep white scars, jagged and cruel, that litter your stomach and ribs like rivers of silver over your skin.

“What do you want? I have no money. I’m a student.” Your voice is eerily calm, your heart beating uncomfortably in your chest as the figure takes a heavy step towards you.

“I’m not here for money,” comes the thick reply. His boots slide across your floor again. “What happened to you?”

You swallow, thick and uncomfortable, wetting your lips. You can’t see the man’s eyes beneath his mask. It’s unsettling: “My father tried to kill me 6 years ago. He stabbed me 34 times.”

Your voice is quiet and void of emotion as you repeat the tragedy that continues to haunt you. The figure regards you silently.

“Why did he try to kill you?”

“Who are you?” You ask, little louder than a whisper.

“I’m…” he hesitates. “Jason Todd.”

You rub your sleep-tired eyes, looking at him through the darkness. “Aren’t you dead?”

“I was. But I’m better now,” he says again in his low timbre. He approaches cautiously, scanning the scars on your body. “Your father isn’t here now, is he?”

“He’s in Arkham. They fried his brains.”

“I see.” He continues to stare at you, and you can almost feel his palpable need to take your pain away. “You don’t have anyone with you tonight?”

You stare at him silently, your cheek twitching at the irony of his words. “No one wants to go home with the chick who’s dad sliced her up.”

Silence. And then:

“I’d go home with you.”

You grin wrlyly, but there is no happiness there. “The man who broke into my dorm says he’d go home with me. Tell me why that doesn’t fill me with comfort?”

“Because I broke into your dorm.”

“Bingo.”

He creeps closer. “I won’t hurt you.”

“Okay,” you whisper, watching him closely.

“... Can I kiss you?”

His mask is lit by the moonlight as he kneels down in front of you, the hard edges of the helmet glistening. Your eyes soften, heart skipping a beat.

“No.”

“I understand,” he says lowly. He continues to stare at you, the mask making it impossible to see any subtle facial changes. But his voice grows gentle. “Would you… let me stay with you tonight?”

“Why?” you whisper, voice shaky.

“You look lonely.”

“I’m used to it.”

“Just because you’re used to it doesn’t make it okay,” he says softly. 

“I could say the same to you about breaking into people’s homes.”

He tilts his head. “Maybe,” he decrees, and he motions to the spot on the your bed beside you. “May I?”

You stare at him for a moment, trying to decipher him. “... okay.”

He shuffles under the covers, not touching you. For a while, you both lie there in silence.

“My name’s y/n,” you say suddenly, gently. 

“I’m Jason,” he replies.

“Yeah… you’ve said that.”

“Oh. Sorry.” He looks at you, trying to find the right thing to say and do. 

Your voice becomes quiet. “It’s okay,” Your legs touch, and you swallow. “Do you have scars, Jason?”

“Yes.” His voice is low, and he keeps his gaze low too. Like he can’t bring himself to look at you.

“Cool.”

“Is it cool? I guess… it’s cool how similar we are. We’re both people broken by the world.”

You don’t reply for a moment, sinking into the bed. You can feel him beside you. It’s strangely comfortable, despite knowing nothing about him. But you can understand that he’s also damaged goods… Just like you. He reaches out, fingertips touching your arm: “We don’t have to talk, if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t mind talking,” you say quietly. “It’s a good distraction.”

He appraises you. “Can I ask you something?”

“Okay.”

“Why’d you let me stay?”

You glance at him, his face obscured by the dark and his mask. “I think I was hoping you’d finish the job,” you admit, quiet and vulnerable.

“I’m not here to do that. I’m not supposed to be here at all.”

“That’s alright,” you whisper. 

He pauses, thinking about his next words. “Have you ever wanted to get back at the person that hurt you?”

“I think about killing my dad everyday,” you admit, and your pinkies brush gently against each other.

“Would it make you happy, y/n? If you did?”

“No…”

“Why not?”

“It wouldn’t change anything. I’d still be scarred.”

“Yeah…” he turns his body in your direction, moving a little closer. You turn your head to face him. “Can I hold you tonight? I… I’d like to feel what it’s like to hold someone again.

“Okay,” you whisper, a little emotional.

He rolls over and pulls you into a warm embrace. He holds you, not wanting to let go. His body radiates heat, and he rests his head against yours. Your hair brushes his skin, and he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. 

In that moment, you’re both content.

You wrap your arms around him, pressing into his warmth as you, too, close your eyes. “This is nice.”

“You feel good,” he whispers into your hair, his hand caressing your face gently.

You smile, small and sad. “So do you.”

He shifts his body, moving even closer to you. His hips move against yours gently. It’s like nothing in the world matters except that your skin is touching his. Your breathing becomes a little ragged, and you both stay like that for a few moments, just breathing and touching.

You cradle his jaw in your hand, tracing the grooves of his mask, moving to take it off: “Can I?”

“... sure.”

You gently peel off his mask, revealing his face. You stare at him in the dingy lighting, and your fingers brush over the ‘J’ scar carved into his cheek. His breathing speeds up a little bit. Scars are a reminder of when a person is at their weakest. To be allowed to touch them by someone just as damaged as you… so tender and sweet… it feels like blasphemy. 

“You’re very beautiful,” you say quietly.

“So are you,” he whispers back, his hand moving to touch the long scars on your chest. Your breath hitches, almost inaudible.  He moves his fingers back and forth, tracing the ragged lines of raised skin, watching you to see how you react. Your heart races under his hand. “You’re so soft… can I… can I do more?”

You swallow. “If you’d like.”

His body moves against yours, and you press yourselves together, your breaths becoming laboured. His hand moves from the scars on your chest, down towards your hips. You rut against each other, clothed and urgent.

You can feel his body pressed against yours, and it’s like the weight of the world is leaving you. You feel alive for the first time in a long time. And you want to make him feel the same way. Your hand reaches beneath his clothes, feeling the heat and tension building between you. 

He lets out a shaky gasp, your bodies moving slowly against each other. You can feel him, and he can feel you. You both breathe harder and harder, your breaths catching in your throats, as your eyes stare into each other’s souls. 

You can feel everything. Every heartbeat, every sigh, every breath, every twitch and moan. And you know he can feel it too, as your bodies begin to move faster, harder. The two of you are together in that moment, and the world shrinks away.

You move with more urgency, writhing against each other like testy teens. Bodies move as one, your hands searching for every sensitive and intimate spot. There is no more doubt or fear or anger. Just two broken individuals finding each other in the night.

The heat and sweat of your bodies mingles - two shattered and lonely souls finding something less than love in each other, just for a moment. Your heart beats in your ears. 

He breathes quietly against your neck, moaning lowly with each move you make, and his free hand tangles at the back of your head, holding you against his skin as the pressure builds between you.

“Jason,” you moan quietly into his throat. Just for the while, you feel whole. He presses against you, desperately, breath catching in his throat, louder and more needy with each grunt and muffled whine.

Everything else disappears, and the world falls away.

There’s only the two of you - two people alone in the dark, broken and damaged, finding each other and trying to fix what’s left. 

When you finish, you don’t cry out. There is a sharp exhale, and a tightening of muscles. Jason shudders as he grips you tightly, and he holds you, his body sliding against you for a few seconds longer, before he slowly pulls away. Neither of you say anything for a moment as you pant and try to catch your breath. 

The silence is interrupted only by your breathing, soft and quick breaths as you lie still in each other’s arms. You can feel his heart beating beating hard against your own chest, as if it’s still trying to keep up with the rush. 

You’re not sure what to say, staring at him with lidded eyes. “That was… nice.”

He nods his head. You’re not sure if nice covers it, because right now you feel more alive than you have in years. But you don’t say this. You’re not used to feeling this way. 

You don’t want to ruin it.

“You should probably go to sleep,” Jason says quietly.

“Will you still be here when I wake up?” you ask gently, knowing the answer already.

“No. I have to go,” he whispers. The answer is more brutal thant you’d expected. He tries to smile at you, but it feels like a lie. “I’m sorry.”

“I thought so,” you say, choked.

“I…” he searches for something to say, taking your hand in his and caressing your skin with his thumb. “I want to stay with you. For a moment longer.”

“I don’t want to fall asleep,” you admit quietly.

“Can I ask you one last thing?” 

“Yes.”

He caresses your face gently with his hand. “Can I… kiss you? Before I go?”

You swallow, leaning closer. “I… yes.”

And he does. He kisses you passionately, like that moment means everything. Like he doesn’t want tonight to end. He closes his eyes and lives in your lips, enchanted by your breath on his skin. There’s a moment, there, when you almost forget who are, where you are: You lose yourself in him.

“I’m glad you decided to break into my dorm,” you whisper as your lips part, bittersweet. You sound fragile.

“Me too.” He looks at you, wishing he could stay. But you know he can’t. “I should go.”

You nod silently, and he gets up slowly, regrettably. He watches you as he backs away. 

“Bye, Jason,” you say quietly, staring at him from your bed.

“Goodbye, y/n. I… I won’t forget you. Thank you.”

[bedoballoons]

(idk why i always ask for fics like im ordering something off a mcdonald’s drive thru menu) hi!! can i get uhhh headcannons of ayato, alhaitham, diluc, and scara (separately) w a reader that has traumatic flashbacks while watching scary movies? i know it’s very specific and niche, so feel free to ignore this request

💌- anon

Pffff, please that's to funny. I hope you don't think I ignored this, I'm just slow! I actually love this idea so I hope you enjoy and thank you so much for your request!!

─⊰💕𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤💕⊰─

{༻~Brings back all the memories~༺}

CW: GN! Reader who has trauma, angst to fluff! Slight cursing!

Character talking is tilted

(Includes: Diluc, Alhaitham, Ayato, and Scaramouche!)

𑁍༄Diluc:

Why...why did it feel like you couldn't breath anymore? Everything was fine...you were just watching a movie, just sitting on the sofa with Diluc...when did it change? When...when did you end up here? In the very place that gave you nightmares, that traumatized you..it was impossible....right?

No...no it had to be impossible

This wasn't real. It couldn't be...anything but this. Anything but that feeling of your tears running down your face till you'd used them all, anything but the sting in your throat from the pleas and cries for help...anything but back here!

"Are you okay?"

You blinked rapidly, air flowing back into your lungs when you saw the movie had been paused...it wasn't real. It. Wasn't. Real. "Y-yeah, just...can we watch something else I'm sorry I-"

"There's no need to apologise. How about we watch something happier, you can move in closer to me too. I'll calm you down the best I can."

𑁍༄Alhaitham:

You covered your ears, hoping to drown out the sounds, to not relive the things you'd experienced, but it was like you couldn't do anything. You were tapped in your past self...ready to experience every horrible thing again and again, "Help! H-help! Someone?!? Anyone?!?" But there was still no one...just like before...just like every other time.

Your hands started to shake, your stomach churning, no. No. Please, not again. Where was Alhaitham, where was the life you'd built to never think about this version of you again?? "H-hello..please...someone, just help..I need help.." You leaned your head back against the dirty wall behind you and rocked back and forth, quietly begging for help.

"It's alright, I turned off the movie. I'm here."

You let go of your ears at the familiar sound of Alhaithams voice and it was like your eyes had adjusted back to normal...his hand firm on your arm, pulling you back to reality. "I...I was back-"

"I know...lets not talk about it anymore alright? I'll make you a cup of tea and we can read a book together instead. Honestly we should have done that in the first place, literatures much better then any recording and this is only proving that...will you be alright?"

𑁍༄Ayato:

You were struggling, struggling to keep yourself sane after what had just happened..one moment you're with Ayato, laughing about how silly one of the characters in the movie was and now...now you were terrified. Now you were running, legs burning, breathing tossed aside to make room for short gasps for air and strangled screams. You were in hell...like you'd never left.

Your heart was racing, beating like it was about to explode...you just have to get away, you just have to go further. Please, you begged your body to catch with your mind, to just run faster but you could tell you were slowing down...you just didn't have the energy left. "No! Fuck!" You shouted as you fell to the ground, had you tripped? Had you used up all your stamina...did it matter? You couldn't get back up either way, all you could do was sit there trying to breath..

"It's alright my dear, come here."

"Ayato?" You closed your eyes tightly and then, you were back in front of the TV, Ayatos arms tight around you, the movie shut off and tears running down your cheeks. "I thought it was real...I w-was so scared."

"It wasn't real, you're safe and sound with me and that's how it's going to stay. I won't let anything like that happen to you ever again, I promise."

𑁍༄Scaramouche:

You stared out the window, feeling the cold chill your bones...this had to be just a memory and yet it was so real, you could even see your breath in the freezing air. Had your life with him been just another dream? Had you never actually gotten to live those happy moments. You clutched your stomach, feeling so upset you could puke...

Everything you'd tried to forget, every smell, every feeling, every single terrifying moment, had been brought back, just for you to experience it again.

"Hey, you alright?"

You looked away from the screen, pulled out of your flashback so harshly your head was spinning...when had the movie turned into your past? "I...um yeah. I'm fine, sorry."

"Are you sure, cause you're crying and shivering like you've just seen the scariest thing in your life.."

"..."

"Come here you idiot, next time we are watching kid shows or something. I don't care how annoying they are."

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚~Have a nice day!~*⁠.⁠✧

[nynxhaswritersblockk]

Think I need someone older

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader

Comfort/romantic

TW: Mention of sleep paralysis & rape

Hope ya'll enjoy this a little regardless of the sensitive topic!!

It was a quiet night at the prison, except for the uncomfortable feeling you've been having the whole time. You couldn't fall asleep like that, it was impossible, as soon as you felt tired and tried allowing your body to rest, your eyes shot up again. It felt as if you were being watched, as if someone or something was creeping over you, footsteps sounded and then whispers..

Your body shot up, it was early in the morning and you quickly realised that you experienced one of your sleep paralysis's again. Quickly you got up, getting dressed and grabbing your c/w, walking out of the prison cell you called your room. At breakfast you were quiet, not saying a word and it caused the others attention. "Why are you so quiet today?" Rick asked you, a worried look on his face. "Didn't sleep well" Was your reply as you began picking at your food. You didn't feel hungry, the memories of lastnights 'nightmare' repeating in your head over and over again.

After breakfast you went into the prison's garden, caring for some of the plants there as you constantly kept an eye out for any threats. A hand grabbed your shoulder, pulling you up and you shrieked out. "Woah, M' sorry, didn't know ya get scared this easily" Daryl's voice chuckled out, you turned around to face him. "What the fuck's your deal?" You shot back, making eye contact with him. "Listen Kid, something's clearly up with ya" He began, taking a step closer. "So why don't ya tell me what it is?" He finished his sentence, holding eye contact. You huffed out at him calling you 'kid', just because he was somewhere in his 40s and you were barely 21 doesn't mean he gets to call you that. "Forget it, you're the last person I'ld trust with my issues" You muttered back and rolled your eyes, returning to your work of caring for the tomatoes. A sigh escaped his lips as he kneeled down next to you. "Heard ya screaming last night, something happened?" He whispered quietly, making sure nobody else heard them. "I sure as heöl didn't scream" You scoffed at him, trying to ignore his presence. "Well, not scream, but ya know. I walked past your cell, heard ya sobbing and whimpering" He replied and sighed a little. "Sleep paralysis" You simply said, knowing that you couldn't hide it from him. He hummed in reply and got up again, ruffling your hair a bit. "Next time ya come talk to me, 'kay?" He said and stepped back a little, you nod slowly. "Mkay" You replied and went back to your work.

When you wanted to go to sleep in the evening you didn't know what to do, the same uncomfortable feeling in your stomach as the night before, when you fell asleep and had a whole ass sleep paralysis. You slowly got up, wearing a pair of pversized shorts and a T-shirt as you stepped out of your cell. Your bare feet hit the cold, stone floor of the prison, quietly walking by all the cells, until you came to Daryl's. His curtain was opened and he was lying on his bed, playing arounf with a ball he had found on his last supply run. "Come in, Kid" He said quietly and you hesiatted, thinking about leaving again, but eventually you stepped inside, closing the curtain as you sat down on his bed across from him. "What's up with ya? Ya look more disturbed than this mornin'" He said and let the ball fall to the ground, leaning forward a little to show he was listening. "I feel like I'll have another paralysis" You mumbled out, avoiding eye contact eith him. It was embarassing, this whole situation. Never had you told anyone about them, especially not some random guy you've been knowing for a week. To your surprise Daryl nod in understanding. "Why do ya get them?" He asked, his tone careful and for the first time he sounded actually worried. "Childhood trauma I guess" You mumbled and he looked at you with such interest in his eyes you almost couldn't believe it. "Uhm.. I don't know if you even wanna hear about this, I-" He interrupted you by saying:"No no, tell me." You took a deep breath. "My Mom's husband, he raped me when I was younger.." You whispered, tears forming in your eyes. Daryl stayed quiet, instead he pulled you a little closer, his arm wrapped around your body as his other one softly caressed your hair. "'M sorry this happened to you, It'll be okay, Baby. 'M here for you" He whispered quietly, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as he let you cry in his arms. Eventually you fell asleep and he let you stay, pulling the covers over both of you, as he held you close.

In the morning you found yourself still in Daryl's bed, but he was nowhere to be found, his crossbow gone too. He was probably on a run or just right outside the prison. A small sigh escaped your lips as you decided to just keep sleeping for a bit longer, enjoy the warmth and smell of Daryl's bed.

[dufferpuffer]

Got any Lupin sex HCs? He seems like he wouldn’t have a straightforward relationship with sex so I struggle picturing that part of him for that reason.

This is long. But I like long. Thankyou for giving me an excuse to be long B^) Had a hard time recently and the distraction is appreciated <3 'Remus Lupin' is allergic to being straightforward. If he even tries to walk in one direction for more than a few steps he starts double-guessing himself and wants to run away. Just lay down and fuck someone...? Impossible. EVERYTHING has to be a headache. That's trauma, baby~

We see how he reacts to romantic affection and get hints at how he reacts to sexual affection. Like everything else in his life: Emotionally masked, self-harming, dishonest, under-developed emotional maturity and deeply irresponsible.

He gaslights and lies about his thoughts, plans and feelings - masking them with polite smiles and cheerful words, closing himself off to all the people who wish to help - and then one morning you wake up in an empty house… ...Until he crawls home weeks later, a dirty sobbing mess. He would pull Tonks closer only to push her away so hard he was taking near suicidal missions to avoid loving her. Then, when he finally feels able to just be with her: they marry and get pregnant within months. During a war. Irresponsible. All-or-nothing. I know those are relationship HCs/Canon observations - but it's necessary in order to understand how complex he is in bed. He is kind, gentle, loving - even passionate and enthusiastic… but he only knows extremes - all-out till it hurts, all-in till it harms - and he needs help with finding an in-between. He needs help with moderation. No two times are the same. His mental health isn't stable and neither is his physical health. He is disabled physically and mentally - and intimacy is one of the things that highlights that the most. He NEEDS a patient, flexible and mentally strong partner to help him carry his heavy heart and stormy brain. (Tonks is almost custom-made for this) ((and Sirius is basically the exact opposite of what he needs IMO… and Remus is definitely not what Sirius needs, that poor man.))

First of all, his body: Tall or short, either way I think by the time he is in his 30s he is misshapen and stretched out. His bones completely rearrange once a month, and due to his poor nutrition don't always set back correctly. His fingers and toes are usually in some state of broken, his spine is stretched a little, his ribs haven't settled straight for years... He starves himself both due to poverty and because it keeps his werewolf form weak, and his human form un-wolflike. (In comparison: Fenrir takes such great pride in keeping his werewolf form strong, and it seeps strongly into his human form. Every Full Moon a little more...) But while his werewolf form can't manage a proper coat of fur, I do think his human form is 'too hairy'. Perhaps not enough for an untrained eye to tell he is a werewolf - but enough to make anyone say 'holy shit Remus I didn't expect you to have so much body hair' The hair, the scars he has gotten from hurting himself and his days as a spy, the fact his bones always look a little wonky... He hates his own body. He hides it. The first hurdle to intimacy is the slow discovery of all these little things - him facing the dread of being rejected for ANY of them. He could be laying back, one step away from accepting affection - and suddenly think 'What if they hate my hair? What if they see my scars? What if my ribs look disgusting this month?'... and so he jumps up to leave the room without a word.

He has an aversion to his own spit, so kissing and performing oral are hard for him. He considers a peck on the lips intimate. It makes him flush bright red, anyway. Logically he knows his spit isn't a danger unless he is a werewolf... but his heart still gets anxious about it. When he manages to let go of that fear: He is passionate, clumsy, embarrassingly inexperienced and just about devours his partner - because it gets him so hot, feeling so close to someone, feeling his mustache brush up against them... but he isn't very good.

He DOES, however, kiss all over his partners body. He can't help it. He loves having his lips, his nose, his teeth close to skin. He might not be a confident kisser, he might not be good at oral sex - but he worships with his lips. Softly most of the month, but nearing a certain time... his teeth get a little involved. It feels good to massage flesh between his jaws... though he will feel disgusted with himself later.

He is most consistently a 'pillow princess'. He likes reciprocating - but he can't always mentally handle it (and depending on the phase of the moon physically can't handle it either.) Sometimes it is easy to lay back and receive love. Most of the time it isn't 'easy' - but it is nice to accept someone else taking control and doing nice things, to be soothed by their encouragement and love. Nicer than being alone.

If he is going to have a more active role in sex its near the New Moon, when he feels his most stable. You might actually get a normal fucking night with him for once, without tears or panics... On a Waning Gibbous he is usually too tired and injured/sore to do much. The transformation takes it out of him physically, mentally and emotionally. So he needs pampering. On a Waxing Gibbous he is unstable. Migraines, nausea, hot flushes, mood swings, irritable... sometimes horny enough to just do what he wants for once. This big bad Alpha Wolf Bad Boy, full of Full Moon hormones, is gonna not ask permission to touch his partners boobies B^)

He has a complex relationship with receiving oral. On one hand - holy shit someone has gotten him out of his trousers and into their MOUTH and it is AMAZING and they look GORGEOUS down there... On the other hand? He has to see himself. His hairy, misshapen and scarred body... and if he closes his eyes, he thinks too much. And where does he put his hands!? His horrible, broken claws... He just grips the sheets/chair/desk/his own clothes and tries desperately to focus on the good. Using his hips helps. But sometimes sex is easier. He can look at his partner, think about their pleasure, focus on his movements...

He doesn't have a high libido. Sex isn't often on his mind. Thanks depression, anxiety and trauma. But when it does cross his thoughts - its consuming. It burns through him. He is inexperienced with even the concept of intimacy being a possibility, so he acts much like a teenager would: This 35yr old man stumbles over his own feet leaving the room. He is CERTAINLY too shy to act on it, so he goes off to sulk, distract himself... and masturbate to ease the burn, as usual. Even if he has a partner he wouldn't think to approach them when he feels horny.

Probably the hottest thing for him would be someone coming to help him jerk off. It's what he fantasizes about - it is the least scary form of intimacy he can imagine, no spit or consequences or commitment or expectations... just the person he was thinking about coming in and taking over for him.

He adores cheesy romantic gestures. Even the silly ones - he is a bit of a silly man, after all. Flowers and chocolate on valentines day. Rose petals leading to the bedroom. Candles and incense in a hot bath when his bones hurt and his head aches. His favourite meal and a mild love potion on his birthday - perhaps not the healthiest way to stop worrying, but taking the edge off is nice sometimes. All the eye-roll worthy gestures nobody actually does... he has grown up knowing nothing like that would EVER happen to him.

I know this isn't the sexiest slop you've ever read - but I just don't think that's possible with Remus. This paints him as a soft man who needs pampering... and he isn't like that all the time. He has strengths. He isn't a pathetic man. But I do think intimacy is his weakest point. It hits at the very core of all the things he struggles with. His own body. Trusting others. Trusting himself. Being emotionally vulnerable. Acts of passion and instinct that could have consequences when he is sober again. This is how I see him, so if you struggle to see how he reacts to sexual situations... I hope this essay helps? Ha

[possessionisamyth]

Extremely frustrating to see how many people don't bother to understand Chris Redfield outside of a shipping context. Hell, even within those contexts he's made into an idiot, hyper aggressive and easily jealous, or a pillow who's supposed to take everyones bullshit with a smile (hmm wonder why you guys keep doing that to large men you find intimidating 🤔).

So in combo with my "Jill is allowed to get mad without it framing her as evil" post, I'm going to tell you Chris' anger and selfishness is always punished.

Chris is not allowed to get angry without severe consequences aka people dying around him, and this is a different kind of refreshing because normally they save that for the women of the cast, but this gets slapped on Chris of all people. And it's good actually.

Chris has been foisted into leadership position after leadership position when we've consistently seen he works best with a partner as a team or as a team player in a larger group. Resident Evil 1 with Rebecca, Code Veronica with Claire, a couple of manga installments with Jill, Lost in Nightmares with Jill, Resident Evil 5 with Sheva, like, these are all examples of where Chris is functioning at his best because he has someone where they can fill in the gaps for each other's shortcomings. His history with the air force where they are constantly working on a team, and he was too young to be thrust into leadership positions, built that foundation.

And they keep taking the guy who's used to being a support player and putting him into a leadership position, which leads to frustration because he's the guide instead of being able to ask for guidance. This is like taking the best chef in your kitchen and turning him into the restaurant manager when he has extremely little account experience. Yes, he'll figure it out with practice, but a lot of shit is going to get fucked over in the process until things smooth out. So when Chris gets angry and loses sight of his surroundings, the narrative punishes him.

He nearly loses Claire in Code Veronica because he was on a manhunt for Umbrella. He loses his second squad (ignoring the amnesia) in RE6. He loses Arias multiple times, and Rebecca gets kidnapped in Vendetta. He loses Ethan in RE8. This man is not allowed to let anger cloud his vision for even a second, and anger is usually one of the few emotions men are allowed to show without getting ridiculed for it.

To branch it out even further and say he's not allowed to think selfishly without consequences isn't so far-fetched either. It's been beaten into Chris over and over that if he does something for himself, people are going to get hurt or worse. His life isn't his own because inspiring leader Chris Redfield has to pull everyone together, and just, the pressure of having to be this image other people built up of him based on jobs where he was working with someone equally capable in order to succeed? The team effort tossed aside to raise him up higher and higher?

As a big brother he had to be selfless once their parents were gone. Again when all he wanted to do was make sure Jill, his close friend, was okay instead of fighting another impossible world scale battle against Wesker. Again when all he wanted to do was grieve over his lost team in RE6. Again when he was just trying to save Ethan in RE8 (Look, I'll talk about the pitfalls of RE8 writing later). And these are only the jobs we see! How many times has this lesson been thrown in his face for 10 years! 20 years!

Do you have any idea what that makes his relationships outside of work look like? How he might keep to himself just enough to maintain distance but ease anyone's worries. How he would constantly put others desires before his own wants and needs. We see this in bits and pieces in Death Island. I still think mentioning Piers at all instead of them talking out Jill's trauma was dumb, but Piers death told Chris "this is his life forever". Piers death told Chris this is what he gets for letting anger get the best of him. The cherry on top of this shit pie? Piers wasn't exempt from pedestaling Chris.

They did not need Chris for that job in China. There are other people who had leadership experience in the BSAA. They seriously should've sent Chris home to recover after finding him, but they didn't. Why? Well, the hero worship remained. Piers thought his own life was worth less than the great Chris Redfield. The one time Chris tricks himself into being selfish, the one time he believes he can take a seat and step away from this life, the one fucking man he believes sees him as a person still views him as this hero he never wanted to be, and Piers dies for it. And just like the drunk and sorry state he caught Leon in in Vendetta, that anger Jill has for going in headfirst is reminding Chris of himself and how it only made things worse.

Chris doesn't say a god damn word during Dylan's commentary of him, because Chris believes Dylan's right. Chris probably tells himself those same words so he tries to be less angry, more selfless, and it fucking loops. And even though Chris has a support system, it really really makes me wonder if he's using it, or if everyone is so used to using him as a crutch that he never bothers reaching out in the first place.

[the-whumping-hour]

June of Doom Day 1: “You don’t want to do that” (Locked Door / Fear)

CW: 13-year-old whumpee (non-graphic suffering and this is a backstory piece), shutdown in response to trauma, aftermath of murder, moderate fear-of-death thoughts, young whumper, mild and relatively brief description of a past stabbing

Notes: FIRST PIECE ON TUMBLR EVER!!!! Please reblog because I am so so terrified of posting my writing but I am literally so excited to be doing this. Tag list (one person now, let me know if you want to be added): @lektricwhump

***

Silence. Dead silence, laying heavy over the house, thick and suffocating, impossible to move through.

Gabriel had practiced this dozens upon dozens of times before in his thirteen years of living. The cue from his parents downstairs to get out followed by quickly prying the window open, his little bony fingers scrabbling to unlock the latch, bracing his feet on the sill for half a second before dropping into a roll against the deck, a story or so below him. He was the only kid in school, as far as he’d ever known, who routinely practiced home invasion responses. And he had gotten good at it, damn it, in his thirteen years of living. No longer did he wince as he hit and spun forward against the often rain-slicked wood below, no longer did he hesitate before making that jump. Never look back, just save yourself. He never thought it would be happening for real. 

The gunshots still echo in his ears.

There’s muffled voices downstairs, muttering, scheming. The phrase ‘boy’ passes between voices he can only assume are speaking over his parents’ dead bodies–dead, they’re really dead, they have to be, they can’t be, they are–is he the boy? Are they going to kill him next? He doesn’t have anything for them. He heard the things the man had said before pulling the trigger, something about ‘debts’, something about being done. His parents knew this was coming, they must have. They must have. 

Does he have to be the one to pay now?

The front door opens and closes. A sound he’s gotten all too used to. If he shuts his eyes and leans back against the headboard, he can almost imagine it’s his mom leaving to go on another errand. He’s just home alone, he just has to be responsible. He just has to jump out the goddamn window and pray the deck catches him like it always does and he has to run and never stop, never look back for anyone else, not his parents most certainly lying dead at this moment. But he can’t move. He can’t move at all.

Footsteps are moving up the stairs now, slowly. Just one pair if he can tell correctly. He stays as still as possible in bed, barely even moved from his original position of being shocked awake by the sound of shattering glass. If he stays still enough, maybe whoever it is will leave him alone. He doesn’t have anything. Nothing at all, no, they took everything away.

“Little boy…?”

No. No no no no no.

“Little boy?” The voice is smooth but also not, melodic but haunting and rough at the same time, like the sound a bird makes right before it dies. It’s right outside the door. He’s going to die. “Are you in here?” The person outside tries the knob. It doesn’t open. He doesn’t move from the bed. “I know you’re in here, Gabriel. I was told to kill little boys like you.” 

The click of the door. Is it… did they unlock it? How? How?

“You don’t want me to kill you, do you?”

And then the door opens, and Gabriel feels it in that instant—that horrifying instant, where his vision is tunneling and his mind is projected out of his body—that he will remember this forever. Forever, especially if this person, this monster, kills him right here in bed, no time to even try to escape. He will remember this forever.

The person steps forward. It’s now, only now, that Gabriel registers what he’s looking at. They can’t be much older than him, definitely not an adult by any means, hair coiled tight and tied back behind them, eyes a shade of the 2AM sky outside and death. And they grin, and in that grin Gabriel sees everything his life has been for. His parents wanted him to live, his parents wanted him to be the one to carry on if they could not. All of this potential, all here, all bundled up inside of the killer in front of him. They’re definitely not the only one, but they were sent for him. He is their purpose.

There’s a frozen moment in time between the two, eyes focused on each other, some mutual promise made in the silence of a home now haunted and abandoned. Gabriel goes to turn his head towards the window—maybe he can make it out in time, maybe he can be brave—but before he can, the killer raises a finger to their lips. Silence.

There is so much silence here.

They pull a knife out from behind their back now. It’s almost iridescent, glittering in the light from the hallway, catching a shine from the killer’s eyes. The parts that aren’t shining are covered in a thick coat of blood.

“Will you miss your mom?” The voice is gentler now. No one else in the world will know of this conversation. The others are surely waiting outside… is he being spared? Is this mercy?

Gabriel nods his head.

“I want you to remember her.” They hold up the knife, and instantly Gabriel can imagine it being driven through him right here and now, but the killer–the savior?–sets it on the floor in front of their feet instead. “She’s on that blade. You’ll always have her.”

He wants to scream. He wants to scream and run and jump out the window and be brave and fling the knife in his savior’s face, it is his mother’s blood, that much he’s figured out now in the midst of all this shock, and yet. And yet.

The savior holds their finger to their lips again. Their next words are muttered, as deep and haunted as their eyes, as this house. “I will not forget you.”

They shut the door behind them.

Gabriel stands, takes the knife, grabs the windowsill, tumbles down to safety, runs into the woods, carries the weapon of his mother’s death forever.

The rest of the year is a blur.

[teenagemutantninjatrauma]

hey so are you telling me everything from season 1-5 happened in 2 YEARS?? ALL OF THAT IN 2 YEARS???? what the fuck actually

GYEAH I FOR SURE AM SAYING THAT. HELP

And y’know if I was lenient and not obsessed with stupid details and hurt/comfort potential, MAYBE I’d go “hm oh well maybe the turtles started their story earlier in life! Or maybe the show runners just wanted a good looking number and five looks best.”

But c’mon. A bit of a stretch to say that the 2k3 ninja turtles started all that bullshit at, say, thirteen years of age, no? Rise Mikey, sure, perhaps. But not these guys.

My theory is they didn’t wanna lose the ‘teenage’ in ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,’ which, if they were around fifteen in 2003, at least Leo would be an adult by 2006, meaning that if they wanted to anchor Fast Forward in a specific time (something you probably wanna do when fucking with time travel), they had to pick a year before 2006. Meaning that we now have another reason to consider Fast Forward somewhat disrespectful to the franchise because it was like “wow guys! Sure were two Busy Busy years huh!” And on one hand they constantly do shit and their life is full of danger and enemies so maybe all of that horrible horrible time could be shoved into two years and that would make for some pretty good angst potential, imagine!

“Mikey, hey, it’s okay! The Shredder’s defeated, we’re legendary across space and time, things will be better now!”

“TWO YEARS, LEO! WE’RE BARELY FUCKING ADULTS! SOMEONE ELSE WILL COME, IT’S HOW OUR LIVES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN! WHAT IF THEY’RE LIKE THIS FOREVER?! what if… what if we just never catch a break again?”

BUT on the other hand it feels, to me, personally, kinda unfair to shove all of it into two years? It feels like.. “let’s shrink all of this drama and trauma and character development into an impossibly short timeframe in the name of keeping the franchise alive.” Just Leo’s absence when he went to get therapy from the Ancient One was said to have lasted several months, and pretty early on we have a Christmas, meaning a year is ending soon, which cuts down our two years to one and maybe a week after Christmas Aliens.

Ah, I’ve pinpointed what frustrates me about this from the storytelling perspective — it makes the characters’ journeys feel too fast in retrospect. While we obviously can’t see every day of the rigorous training with the ninja tribunal, or of Leo’s stay with his crazy old man of a therapist, or the time spent healing at the Jones farm, we assume that it all happens gradually, slowly, that a significant amount of time passes. By shoving Fast Forward so close to all of this previous history, they basically took weight away from all the healing done overtime, from the lessons learned overtime, from the length, trust and weight of April and Casey’s relationship, all of the relationships in fact. And that kinda sucks ass!

A solution to this would’ve maybe been to shove Fast Forward somewhere earlier into the show. It did end up airing before the Ninja Tribunal season, but this wasn’t the original plan (NT season was made to be before this originally, and is now viewed as so, as intended) and they didn’t really try and edit it to happen before the Ninja Tribunal season either, obviously, as evidenced by the FF journal episode mentioning the Ninja Tribunal as though they were already an established and known part of canon. Also, yeeting the turtles into the future and then having them come back and do the Ninja Tribunal season would not have worked at all, it would be so jarring and sorta… a downgrade in danger I feel? Who’s gonna be scared of losing a fight if there’s already an established good future proving that they win, right?

Another solution would’ve been avoiding a set time altogether and just saying they got brought a hundred years into the future. What year is it? [shrug] How old are they? [another shrug] We’re just in the far future bitch. Don’t worry about it lol. That way anyone could bullshit around with the timeline as much as they wanted.

Thank god this show never did anyone’s birthdays as an episode. I think I would explode. [try not to think about how Splinter was never human and so he might not know what birthdays are or how they’re celebrated and so neither do the turtles. It’s not important rn haha]

Sorry for the ramble I am just so abnormal about this now. Because I am so happy for the FF season because we got the Dark Turtles, we got a happy ending for Stockman that I genuinely think he deserves at this point, we got Cody who I think is very fun, just overall so many fun concepts. But also. Fuck, dude! FF and BTTS were both a tad disregarding, a tad disrespectful to the history that came before them.

[shelbysdevil]

"I know we can never be together, but I can't help hoping for a different ending." from Pascale

Angsty romance sentences from here @bloodofthefates

Tommy couldn’t say if it was his fear of commitment or the general danger a relationship with him would bring, but she was right in assuming that he didn’t think about a true relationship or a future. At the beginning he was just so focused on his own traumas, that he never thought he was even able to fall in love, but when he got closer to Pascale and their sex suddenly was more than simple fucks like with others, he was already too deep into his true goal to enthrone Riddle, that he simply couldn’t allow them to be a serious thing. What if Riddle found out? Pascale would be his first target just to keep Tommy under control and he simply couldn’t risk that. What if the fight against Voldemort would mean his own death one day? How should he ever focus on something else again when every thought and emotion would be captured by her? How his life could look with her? It was too dangerous to let her in. Too dangerous to make promises he couldn’t keep if he would break her heart after all. And still he couldn’t deny that he hesitated for a moment, that he at least considered telling her the truth of how much he wanted the same thing.

“A different ending.” he repeated in a murmur, thinking about the most likely outcome which would mean not only Riddles but his own death. “How would that look like?” Tommy stopped dreaming about hopeful things. About good things happening to him. All his life tragedies followed him and somehow he was impressed that Pascale was apparently still able to believe in something good after all she went through on the contrary to him. He built up his walls for so long that it should be impossible to get into his heart again even though he now wondered if Pascale not already managed it.

One hand of his lifted to her face, his knuckles stroking gently along her cheek while he sent her a bittersweet smile. “Who says that the end is already written?” He hated commands. Hated to follow orders. Hated to give up control. So why would he accept that his destiny was always to live in solitude? “We will see what comes, Pascale. For now I just ask you to stay by my side. To live day by day. To give me your trust. We will not let anyone decide how the ends looks like for us. The future is ours and we decide how to take it.” At least he tried to sound optimistic even if he wasn’t. “Is that something you would want?” His fingers slipped through her long dark strains to pull her head back as he moved his lips so close to hers that she could feel every breath when he spoke further. “Be with me? Be with the devil?”

[thecandywrites]

Monster March 2023 Day 11- Spirit- Part 5

The Talisman- Part 5- The First Step on a Long Journey

Do you have any idea how much I want to write another 100k words describing this great and wonderful long journey where the two protaganists slowly become friends and then more than friends and then get dangerously close to having to make impossible choices and their heads and hearts warring inside each of them? And show how the love of money and power corrupts and even toxic love to a degree, but how, true love conquers all and can fix and heal all of that? And generational trauma and explore the mental and psychological aspects of these characters? A LOT OK.

But my life has, once again, screwed me. Just...fucked me over is what it's done. And now I'm behind and now I have to play catch up. But I didn't want to leave you hanging on a cliffhanger too badly and hopefully I've left enough clues as to exactly who and what these people are going to go with. Because to leave you on a total and complete cliffhanger is evil. And don't get me long, I do love those. But I'm trying to stop the hurt and the heartache I'm feeling in real life and don't wish to inflict any more onto anyone else in a figurative sense. So here we are.

Thanks as always to @borealwrites for their Monster March 2023 Prompt list. It's getting me through some tough tiimes, let me tell ya.

Enjoy.

Part 5

The First Step of A Long Journey

True to Udwar’s word, you left Ustas with your friends and Udwar’s army as you looked up at the mountain top and still felt a pull towards one of the peaks as you looked at it and simply paused as the rest of the army was filing through the pass in the mountains. 

“Do you feel the pull too?” Udwar asked from his mount as you insisted on still riding Filli, because her smaller, tougher hooves handled the mountain paths better than the others. 

“I do. My mother said that when she was fleeing my father, the talisman showed her the way to the cave that the dragon died in and it’s like I can sense it’s there but I can’t really see it…” You answered. 

“Close your eyes.” Udwar encouraged you before you obeyed. 

“Now think of the moment your mother saw it, you will be able to see it through her eyes.” He encouraged. 

And sure enough once you did, with your eyes closed you could see the path as you urged Fillie to walk the unusual path but Udwar waived off his men to continue with the path as he alone was going to follow you to where the talisman was pulling you towards as he could faintly feel it, but while he could feel it in the past, this was something about the other talisman’s connection to this place. And before his eyes, he watched as you simply moved a boulder as if it was a tent flap as both you went inside with your horses following in behind you. 

He took out his ready torch and lit it and followed you as your tattoos outright glowed through your clothing, as did your eyes as you didn’t need the torch to see. Because here in this cave, it was like it was already well lit. 

“Ma-shala.” You breathed when you saw the tail of the dragon before you came up to the remains. 

Udwar knew that word. It was Nenanni for ‘my beloved’ or ‘my dearest one’. It was like, the dragon came to life in your eyes, looking at you with eyes - whose lids had shut so many decades ago. But who was superimposed on what his rotting corpse was and looking at you with a welcome relief that you had finally returned to it, like a loved one waiting until they were surrounded by all of their loved ones before passing. 

You pressed your forehead to the smooth scale that was on the dragon’s forehead and it was like the bond that the dragon rider had was transferred to you. Here laid the one being she felt really, only, truly ever loved her, wholly and without reserve. 

Udwar watched as tears formed in the inner corners of your eyes and fell down your cheeks as Udwar simply bowed his head. Both out of respect, yet a shame for something that he had not been guilty of. 

He held the light up to the walls and read the eulogy that the dragon rider had left on the walls of her love’s tomb. Carving into the walls how much she had loved her dragon and how much she was going to suffer without him. And how now, she could only flee on foot from her “unworthy pursuer”. And Udwar felt that remark cut him like a knife. Because as much as he was bound by the talisman to find you and reunite the two halves. He had said, countless times before that you were the means to the end. And the end was a fortune beyond imagination. 

But now, that he was in here with you, he had never felt this…emotional about it and how much that choice his grandfather had made- had deeply hurt and wounded his soulmate- to the point that she never recovered. And she never trusted another being beside her dragon again after that. She had gone mad, never staying in one place, always going from one desolate place to another, for only long enough that even on the horizon, his grandfather would never see her again. Always on the move, always on the run and always damning the talisman that she herself could never take off, but wished she could carve out of herself as easily as she might try to carve her own heart out- if it meant that the hurt and the pain of betrayal of everything she had ever wanted or hoped for or had dreamed up of her life with his grandfather could have been. But, would never happen. 

Then a beautiful, wonderful thing happened, it was as if the dragon’s magic had stayed with it as it transferred itself to you. And when you pulled your head away, the dragon scale came off from being pressed into your forehead. And when you went down, surprisingly, the heart scale. The especially hard cluster of scales that protected a dragon’s chest from attacks at it’s heart were still there as you pulled them to you and hugged them before they magically became like a breastplate for you, wrapping around your chest and waist and cradling your bosom. As it felt almost silky next to your skin but was like a flexible armored plate on the outside. Then the dragon practically collapsed into dust. Leaving behind a single dragon egg in it’s place, which you picked up and cradled to your chest, knowing you were going to get this egg back to Neveah. And you were going to hatch it into a dragon of your own. And while it would be new, the connection would transcend. 

Then you noticed the dragon saddle. And a remarkably well preserved fur lined leather suit. And a helmet, that still had a glowing green gem in the mouth of the helmet along with a proper nomadic wanderer packs. Which you promptly claimed as your own and began to add such things to Fillie who had little else on her saddle and thankfully none of the items were too heavy for her to carry. Along with strange but new and to your eyes and senses, still sound weapons. So that once you collected it all, the writing seemed to vanish from the walls, just as Udwar had finished reading it. So that the evidence of this tomb would be leaving with you and it was as if it was never there in the first place. 

“There was writing here, I was hoping to teach you.” Udwar commented as he followed you to the mouth of the cave on the other side as the horses simply followed obediently. 

“I know what was written. And what she wished she had room on the walls of this cavern to write. Even if she had a whole library worth of pages to write. It would never be enough.” You answered as you wiped your tears from your eyes and found your composure again, only to put the precious egg into the satchel along with the other clothes she had packed away or laid out in the area. Granted it all needed to be washed and dried. But they looked to be about your size and still functional and comfortable. And that’s all that would matter on this very long journey. 

“I’m sorry.” Udwar offered. 

“Don’t apologize for something that you didn’t do. Your grandfather made a choice. And granted it has impacted you and your family for three generations. But while I’m sorry that your father died when my mother did, through no fault of his own. I do wish that that part of the bind didn’t hold true anymore. But I feel confidant that once we get to this place- and we return these talismans to where they belong. No longer will they be our blessings and our curses. You, like your father and grandfather before you- have an equal portion to everything that he and she called theirs. And I’m still happy and content to give you all of the gold in the horde in exchange for the island itself. This dragon was always meant to come home and hatch at home. You have your reasons for going. I now have mine. And that’s all we need and all we want out of this. Isn’t it? At least, this does not come with any heartbreak on my part in reference to you at least.” You tried to offer to him over your shoulder as you pulled her pack up higher onto your own shoulders. 

But all Udwar would murmur was a hum in response as he simply focused on not tripping on the small rubble on the floor as he noticed that your now, almost cat like strides seemed to stealthily slip through it as if it wasn’t there in the first place.

For the first time, he started to doubt even his own intentions about it. Because as much as his sense told him that you were right. His heart and soul simply staunchly held fast to the belief that you were still his soul mate. And he would have you as his queen sooner or later. He had at least 6-9 months to slowly but surely win you over on the idea at least. Because you had a very humble upbringing, surely it was that- that was keeping you from accepting any station life more elevated than the one you knew so well. But if it was unworthiness that you felt, he was more than ready and willing to prove otherwise to you. Because for your share of it. He would imagine that you would put it to the best use, investing in infrastructure and the citizens and living conditions and public works vs building yourself a lavish palace while your citizens lived in mud huts. But if it was a lavish palace that would eventually win you over, he would be able to buy or at least commission to build you one to your liking in any style you wanted. 

The entrance let you out at the same place you had left in the caravan before you came along the old woman’s grave before you dismounted and simply knelt at the foot of the grave. 

“I know this was not the place you intended on resting. But know that I will see to it that Chevron will make it back home, even when home was the one place you felt you could no longer go and feel it as it should have felt.” You vowed to the grave as you bowed your head respectfully as you felt an inner peace and a grace you had never known before suddenly grace your being as it was like her very bones had disintegrated into dust in the very earth she was buried in. Her spirit finally appeased and being able to pass on and no longer be held in a state of agitation that she was not where she belonged. 

Udwar too felt another measure of relief from his own talisman and the spirit that possessed it let him feel that the sins of his grandfather had finally been forgiven, but not forgotten. And not yet atoned for, just yet. 

But he felt more comfortable riding alongside you in the caravan now, like he no longer was searching for the person who was key to the destination. Now all that mattered was to get to the destination. 

But getting to what was once your father’s house, to see your nanny who nearly fainted at the sight of you- for how much you resembled your late mother, it was easy to overturn Udwar’s father’s decision to let her son, who was only half a year younger than you, still inherit as heir apparent. As you simply stood at the grave where the man who sired you was laid to rest. And all you could feel was a sense of relief that your mother had rid her and you of him when she did before you moved on towards the coast where Udwar’s fleet of ships were waiting for you. Having spent all this time preparing for the journey. 

And of course, you were put on the first boat by Udwar himself that quickly rowed you and your things to the largest and most impressive of the ships in his fleet as Udwar introduced you to the crew but he used a term you had not heard or understood. 

“What does Hashimi mean?” You asked Udwar as you were walking with him as he inspected things on the ship to make sure everything was in order and perfect for the voyage. 

“It means you are my special guest. And that nothing you ask for shall be denied to you.” He answered. 

“Hashimi Bon- your quarters are ready.” A woman informed you as she found you with Udwar. 

“Go and make sure everything is as you would like it.” Udwar invited as he gestured for you to follow her before you did. 

“So? What do you think? All the furnishings are yours to do with as you would like. And everything not nailed down- is of course, yours as well. You should find some very fine garments for you to wear in these closets and of course, we can always tailor them should any of them not fit properly.” She explained as you came into the surprisingly opulent quarters. With all kinds of “gifts” practically stacked on every surface. But while it all was very nice. You felt like it was all practically a well baited hook. Meant to get you used to such luxuries so that the thought of giving them up and the temptation to take back your “inheritance” as far as half of the hoard would have you reconsidering your previous decision. But you would not be fooled. What were such things to absolute freedom and independence to have no master but yourself? 

“Is there a wash basin where I can wash my clothes?” You asked. 

“I can wash them for you.” She offered. 

“No, after 20 years of doing nothing but washing clothes and linens, I know my way around a wash basin. I do not wish to make work for someone else that I would not be willing to do myself. I wish to wash my own clothes please. I would just need some water and some laundry soap.” You offered. 

“...of course. I’ll be right back with that then.” She offered before she left and you noticed that this room even had it’s own little wood burning stove that you could heat and even cook on, should you want to. Which you found you quite liked the idea of that. And while the cooks that always seemed to travel with Udwar cooked good food, some of the best you’d had the pleasure of eating so far in your life. You felt you would need to learn the skill should you live on an island by yourself for a while. 

She was back, followed by two large men, each with large buckets of hot water to fill the basins for you to wash and rinse the clothes in before she set down a variety of soaps and instructed you on which ones were best for what before your clothes line was pulled up next to the windows that could be opened to let in a fresh breeze to help dry out the clothes too. 

“Thank you. I can take it from here.” You offered before you finally got a chance to get the clothes you had gotten from the dragon’s tomb out of your bag and besides being a bit dusty, weren’t all that bad for being in a cave for decades. You were impressed when the fabrics didn’t even bleed their colors in the hot water and took to the soap very well and within just a few moments they were as good as new. Not even needing a single stitch of mending as you hung them up to dry on the line. 

And when they dried just as all the ships were loaded. And when you came back out, wearing the dragon rider’s clothes, Udwar was left speechless as she was practically a replica of what his grandfather’s dragon rider once had been. And while he knew the two were very different, he knew in every fiber of his being that he was starting to feel the same way about her the way his grandfather had felt about his dragon rider, and maybe, for the first time in three generations, he had a fighting chance to finally make this right and fully mend the bond that was broken and finally succeed where his father and grandfather failed. 

[skullfacedog]

ok I know trying to force myself to remember my repressed memories is bad and all, thinking too much about it is bad, ik, HOWEVER I am desperate to know if they’re real so I did some research last night to try to figure out what daycare I went to as a kid bc I’m angry that I just do not remember anything about my daycare. and I looked thru like, every single daycare in my hometown that I could find online and it’s so frustrating bc I don’t recognize any of them, I feel like I’m just trying to piece together tiny splices of memories that are extremely blurry and distorted and it’s like, well I KNOW for a fact that I went to some daycare or separate preschool thing as a 5 year old before elementary school, I never went to pre-k in a normal elementary school I went to some separate preschool thing instead. but either the place I went to is closed now and I can’t find info on it online or my memory is so shit I can’t recognize it from the pictures I looked at, or it’s visually changed so much in the past 12 years that I just don’t recognize it anymore which is definitely a possibility. there’s 2 in particular that kiiind of seem familiar but I’m not entirely sure. I hate talking to my family unless it’s necessary but I may try to casually ask my mom at some point what the daycare/preschool I went to was because I was just thinking about it or something. but she’s dealing with a lot of medical stuff rn so I don’t wanna casually ask smth like that rn lol.

I also tried doing some research into convicted criminals in my hometown. none of them look familiar and I can’t find any that have been records of working at a school or daycare at all, which is kind of shocking that there are no convicted criminals who worked with kids in my hometown like there’s no way there’s just no pedos who worked with kids in that town?? so all that really tells me is that they were never caught :/ or I guess they could’ve moved and been convicted in another city/state but it seems impossible to find what I’m looking for online. the fact that there are no sex offenders who worked around kids in my hometown kinda makes me doubt my repressed memories more but ik a lot of those people, especially if they’re religious which my hometown is highly religious, get away with it for the rest of their lives. and that makes me so mad. I hope my abuser is dead or living a miserable life and slowly rotting and I really hope he’s not able to hurt anyone else.

another thing I remembered recently is my parents not wanting me to go to a religious summer camp because they previously had an outed pedo at that summer camp (he was in jail and I was 17 at the time so I was mad they still didn’t let me go lmao) and I swear I remember them connecting that situation to another time a pedo was outed after working with kids, seemingly in our hometown but I don’t remember if they said where it was? I’m p sure they just said like “nevermind” and changed the subject but I could be misremembering bc that was 9 years ago and I have absolute shit memory lol (my high school years are blurry as fuck I love trauma brain!!) like idk if I’m just making shit up to fit my narrative or if that rlly happened bc if it did that’s sus af. and I didn’t think much of it at the time so I didn’t take note of it. but whatever, I’ll prob just ask my mom about the daycare so I can get the name and once I have the name of the daycare I can do more research to figure out if they had any sus workers or convicted criminals who previously worked there or any bad reviews, and look at pictures online to see if it triggers any memories. ik I’m not ready to remember the whole thing but I just need enough to know if my feelings are legit or if I’m literally just insane and gaslighting myself into believing I have repressed CSA because I want to be sicker or whatever. I keep thinking like idk I was kinda a normal kid tho there was nothing sus about me... but then I think about how quiet I was, how I was so scared of sexual topics but in private would be utterly fascinated by it, how I was the most obedient child in existence. I literally have paraphilias and traumakinks and I’m like hmmmm maybe I am making it up and never actually experienced csa lol <3

also been wondering lately if I have a system trauma holder who just hasn’t shown themselves bc none of my current headmates are trauma holders. so like @ my trauma holder if you exist ily ty for doing your job and keeping the rest of us safe, shoutout to trauma holders fr. ty for bearing our burden and allowing me to live a SOMEWHAT normal childhood despite having neglectful religious parents and not identifying as human on top of everything else lol.

[deceasedream69]

Bathtub

Summary: this is kind of like eleven's ability to contact people by entering a bathtub, but add Reginald to the Mix and you get trauma with it 🤠. Enjoy xoxo

_

- "there has to be another way", I told to the Umbrellas in front of us. Yeah, I had the ability to watch the guardians who were after the portal in the buffalo room, but the way I had to, no thanks. "Why don't we just enter and fight them really hard until they're dead?" I smiled.

- "come on, it's just getting in a bathtub, you're not going to die", said the knifes guy.

- "then you do it", I said sitting down.

- "if she doesn't want to, we can't force anyone", said Five. Finally someone defending me. Even if it was from the other academy.

- "stop being such a crybaby", said Ben.

- "leave her alone, Ben", interfered Sloane. She was the only sister I had now...

- "well, we can't just sit here", said Reginald. "You didn't complain so much when you were younger"

- "you always forced me!" I said really angry at the old guy.

- "forced you to discover your true self, and the possibilities you have"

- "and who forced you to be so manipulative?", I said crossing my arms.

- "this is pointless", said the knife guy exiting the room. The girl with white hair following him.

- "I heard the rumor... That you were going to get in that bathtub and tell us what the guardians are doing and how many are they"

I didn't want to obey, hell, I didn't even want to stand up. But I couldn't control my body. I tried tho.

- "fighting against it won't be any good", she said pulling me from my arm.

I tried to fight against her so hard, but I couldn't .

- "Allison, what the hell are you doing?", Said Five getting close to us. "You wouldn't like to be forced to do something for... For this old man", he pointed at Reginald.

- "we need to end this, Five. End with whatever apocalypse is going on now and just, finally rest"

I put my feet inside without my will. I slid down until I was sitting inside.

- "please...", I whispered, tears in my eyes threatening to spill.

- "allison...", Said Five, Viktor behind him watching everything but too scared to say anything to Allison.

The rest of the team, sparrow and umbrella, entered the room again.

The water was cold, but it was not enough water yet.

My hands gripping the sides of the bathtub. My knees out of the water along with my shoulders and head.

- "finally, you convinced her into reason", said Ben. Until he noticed the white eyes. "What the hell are you doing to my sister?!"

- "it's for our own good", said Allison.

- "let them...", Said Reginald, and obviously Ben obeyed to whatever Reginald had to say.

- "now what?", Asked Allison

- "head in", he said pushing my head slowly first, until he noticed I wouldn't move, and he started to push harder.

When my head was completely in I tried, I really tried to get out, but it was impossible, so I just started my work.

I relax a little, letting myself float in the water. My eyes moving rapidly trying to find the guardians. I found them and when I did I sank.

That was the problem, I always sank, but dad would never let me up until he got all the information he needed.

I drowned twice but he always managed to bring me back.

It was quiet. I started to search quickly, I didn't have too much time.

- "don't ring the bell", I rang the bell and the atmosphere immediately changed, everything felt so... terrifying.

- "what is going on? Why is she under the water completely?", Asked Diego.

- "can't you see? This is the reason why she wouldn't do it voluntarily", said Five annoyed.

- "ok, it's been enough time, maybe we should help her out", said Sloane trying to get close to the bathtub.

- "stop!", Yelled Allison, making Sloane stop immediately.

- "give her some time, I'm sure she'll come up when she's done", said Reginald.

_

- "ahhhhh!", I yelled running away from a guardian with a sword. Stopping suddenly when I saw a spikey ball coming towards me from one side, but it hit the wall next to me. I lowered myself enough to pass under it and kept running.

That makes two guardians.

_

- "she's shaking too much, are you sure she's ok?", Said Luther worried.

Five throwing daggers with his eyes to whoever kept making stupid questions.

- "she's not fine, she's never been fine when dad does this to her", said Sloane with a few tears on her eyes. "And you, you'll never do anything, too scared about what dad could think about you", she said turning to Ben. "But I will".

She threw Reginald to a wall. Trying to pass Allison but

- "I heard the rumor you stopped moving"

Sloane instantly froze.

- "Allison!", Luther started to shake Sloane to "wake her up" from Allison's rumor. "Hey, babe. Allison!"

- "we just need more time"

- "let her free, Allison", said Viktor really calm.

- "just a little bit...", Allison replied.

_

I could feel my lungs burning even from where I was, but I couldn't find the door to get out. Luckily I found something important.

The third guardian.

- "shit", I said running even faster through the halls. Until I heard a click. I turned around, the door at the end of the hall was full open and really shiny. "That must be the door"

I ran as fast as I could, the three guardians right behind me. My lungs feeling more and more heavy, but I did it, I reached the door.

_

*heavy breathing*

I got out of the bathtub, in a really messy way. Five next to the bathtub while the other siblings held Allison back.

- "three guardians! There are three guardians! One with a sword, the other one with a spikey ball and one with... I don't... I don't remember" i said really quickly.

- "shhh, it's ok, it's ok", said Five with a towel on his hands.

- "I'm sorry, I couldn't find the bells", I said tearing up .

- "it's ok, you did amazing", he said helping me out.

Sloane took my hand while I got both my feet out, Five wrapping the towel around me.

I quickly embraced the towel and jumped to Five's arms. Crying hard.

- "I'm sorry", I said pulling away.

- "see, easy, you've been doing it for years"

I glared at him, getting closer and closer.

- "you... Have been trying to drown me since I was two! Two fucking years old!"

He fell to the ground, probably because I was squeezing his neck with my powers.

- "enough!", Yelled Ben, making me stop. I exited the room quickly.

_

- "are you okay?"

- "yeah... Thanks for the towel. Reginald never had even that little bit of decency", i said half joking.

- "I'm sorry", he said getting serious.

- "you don't have to, thanks", I said smiling, him returning the smile.

- "you know, have you ever considered using floats to avoid sinking while you do... That?"

- "oh, geez, thanks, Five. You're really a genius, huh?"

He nudged my arm and sat next to me on my bed. I laughed.

- "my head HAS to be underwater"

- "did you really drown?"

- "twice"

- "oof"

- "and you? You also grew up with him, any trauma?"

He smiled.

- "a little rebellious act of me. But I fixed it after a couple of years, luckily"

- "rebellious act?"

- "don't... Time travel if you don't really have the knowledge to do so"

- "holy shit, you got stuck?"

- "in another apocalypse, but like I said, I literally spent there like two years before I could come back with my family, and then", he said laying down next to me when he noticed I lay down to get comfortable while I heard his story. "We got stuck in 1963. Well, some a few years before, but you get the idea"

- "and then you came back to a new academy with different members"

- "exactly"

- "holy shit. Sounds... Tiring, going from apocalypse to apocalypse"

- "I haven't sleep properly in a week, it's only been a week for me"

- "three... In one week... How are you not falling asleep the minute you touch a bed?"

...

- "Five...?"

I turned around. His eyes were closed but his mouth was slightly open. I chuckled at the cute sight I had.

I stroke his hair a few times and got myself comfortable and fell asleep next to him.

- "my money?", Said klaus extending his hand

- "i hate when you're right", said Ben rolling his eyes while he gave Klaus 10 bucks, walking away from my bedroom right after.

Klaus took the money, smelled it, threw a kiss at our sleeping bodies and also walked away.

The end

I really like this one like wthhhhh

[atzfilm]

murphy’s law; (m) 3/5

wc/pairing; 20K, multi/reader

genre; a/f/s, soulmate!au, alien!au, e2f2l

summary; according to murphy’s law, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Black holes circle each other until they collide and merge, a cataclysm so fierce, sends ripples soaring through the fabric, crossing thousands of kilometers within a fraction of a second, leaving behind a wave on the space-time continuum. That’s the simplest way you can describe meeting him. And yet, even that is an understatement.

note: please read the warnings! There are a lot of sensitive topics mentioned, even if it is just in passing. warnings under cut

masterlist

⬅️ previous  | next ➡️

content; character death mentions, alcohol/alcoholism, childhood trauma, war mentions, blood, injuries, smut: humping, fingering, soft sex, unprotected sex, no aftercare (they fall asleep), manipulation, weapons, eating mentions, sacrifice mentions.

Chapter Three:

You could physically feel your heart crumbling. Your heart beat hurt against your ribcage, the dryness of your throat as you struggled to hold back your feelings. You learned how to control your emotions when you were young; why is it so hard to do now?

His expression drops when your eyes meet his, tears threatening to roll down his cheeks. He closes his eyes, swallowing softly and taking a small breath. As if he's struggling too. His body shakes, fingers gripping the dresser with as much strength as he could muster. You hear the wood crack as his chest rises and falls, breathing picking up speed.

"Control your emotions," His words are quick, jaw clenched. "I can feel what you feel."

"Then feel it, Yeosang. Feel how you hurt me, so much," your lips tremble.

"y/n–"

"You have no right to call me by my name. Not after what you've been doing," you interrupt, moving closer to your window. You glance out, hoping there’s no one standing there. Listening to your conversation. "I don't want to talk to you about this anymore. Leave."

"Pushing me away? Again? I should have known, since this is your specialty. But before I do leave, we aren't telling anyone about this," he says. "We're keeping this to ourselves. Until we figure out what to do. Don't say a word about this to anyone. There's a lot happening around this manor daily, it would only stress them out more. We will just have to pretend that we've had an argument so that we don't have to explain the shift between us."

"No need to pretend, Yeosang. We've had the argument, and I don't particularly like you right now. If there was a way to stop it, I would've severed our connection without hesitation," You're not sure if you mean your words, but he seems to take them seriously.

He audibly swallows, a faint smile on his lips. "You sure know how to make your fated feel loved." You can feel the sarcasm in his hushed words, but it only drives you to the edge.

"You lied to me! Right now I could care less about how I make you feel. You did this to us, you've built this wall yourself and I just finished it. So don't pretend to act hurt when you've seemingly known me well enough you know how I would react."

"You don't understand. I don't want the connection severed, but it has to be done."

"Then what do you want? Because it seemed like you wanted to push me away so easily without a hint of remorse."

“I…” his voice wavers, eyes flicking to yours. “I want you to trust my judgment when I say your presence here is anything but good. But now that you’ve engraved yourself into our lives, it’s impossible to remove you. Not without hurting everyone.”

“So what are you saying Yeosang?”

“I’m saying that the only way to save everyone is if you push us away. By any means.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I want you to break our hearts, lady.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Lady,” his tone is forlorn, expression sunken. It hurts to look at even for a brief moment. “You know that we’re leaving. You know this, and yet you’re putting yourself through this torture. It will only be more troublesome if you let yourself attach to us further.”

“What about you? You’re not attached to me? You haven’t the slightest yearn to be by my side? Not at all?” You question, lip quivering. “Because I can barely keep myself together right now. I’m straining against my inner thoughts to embrace you.” You don’t want to admit it, you actually hate to. But there’s nothing else for you to do. You feel as if he’s pushing your thoughts to the side when you know it’s not only you who feels this way. No matter how much he tries to convince you otherwise.

"Being alone with you is the utmost dreadful experience. It's a balancing act between wanting to run away from you, and wanting to show you how much I desire you. As a human you have a set range of emotions, but as a Mav we feel that tenfold. If you ask any of your other Fates, they would say the same. Even if one in particular is reluctant to say so,” his smile is strained, eyes narrowing slightly at his words. “So hurting our hearts will push us away from you. You’ll be safe then.”

“Safe? You don’t think they’ll come after me when you leave? Try to pressure me for questions about your swift departure? You really think that?” You ask, fist tightening. “This isn’t the best course of action.”

“It’s the only course of action. And they won’t come after you because you have Commander Chan in your corner. He’d rather lay down his life than have you tortured.”

“That’s not something you should be certain of,” a voice says, interrupting the both of you. Yeosang takes a step away from you, the anguish in his expression disappearing with a blink. It scares you a bit on how quick he can hide his emotions. Though it makes sense, you hadn’t the slightest inkling that he knew you were Fated.

You turn to Yunho, his body resting against the open door as he looks between both of you. It doesn't seem that he's changed from the clothing he wore when he hunted down who tried to kill you, blood still stained against his collar. He has a playful grin on his lips, eyes flicking to yours. “Am I interrupting something?”

You often wondered how Yunho gained position as leader, he's carefree in comparison to Seonghwa. But you're sure there's something underneath the surface that you can't quite see yet.

“No, no. We were just speaking,” Yeosang says. "Did you hear much?" It’s a weighted question.

Both of your gazes focus on Yunho's. He has a questioning look in his eyes, but shakes his head. "Only the last thing you spoke of. Your private conversation is still that, private."

Yeosang nods. "We're finished then, she was just about to leave."

"Ah, was she? It seemed like you two were in deep conversation. I can come back another time," Yunho raises a brow, eyes still on yours.

“No it’s fine Yunho. He's right, I was just leaving. You can speak to Yeosang alone if you’d like,” you say, avoiding his inquisitive stare.

He chuckles dryly, "Well that's a pity. I wanted to speak to the both of you, since you are her guard now and Seonghwa has relieved himself of his duties." If you weren't looking in his direction, you wouldn't have seen Yeosang’s expression drop slightly.

"What is it?" You ask. The grin on his lips slips away as he moves into the room. He sits on the edge of your bed, pushing his blond strands from his forehead and clearing his throat.

"We found out who shot the arrows."

—

"You're telling me it was the military? Why would it be the militia when they are sworn to protect her? This doesn't make any sense to me," San says, pacing back and forth. You sit at the end of the parlor in a sole chair, head in your hands. There's nothing you can think of for solving this. They want to kill you for some odd reason, nothing you can comprehend. "It's not like we told them about our bond, so why are they targeting her? Why would they do such a thing? We killed rogue Mavs, not humans."

"It isn't the first time they used our own people against us," Mingi says softly. "They've plotted this before. Breaking us from the inside out. I'm sure they found out about the fight in the square and thought we'd just assume it was because of that that they targeted her. Luckily one of their old friends spoke up about it, or we'd never know."

Yunho nods. "It's smart. Make us look the other way, focus on Mavian rebel groups instead of humans. But I still don't understand why they would want to kill you, Lady," he narrows his eyes. "There's something we're missing."

"It doesn't matter," you mumble. All of their gazes slide to you, but you're too focused on your own words to pay any mind. "If my presence here is somehow ruining your lives, then I need to go. And whatever they want with me, they can do it while I'm not in the manor–"

"No," San interrupts. "Why would we release you from our protection while you're actively being targeted? No."

"You don't get to decide this for me, San," you glare. His gaze meets yours. Cold. Emotionless. The same look he gave you when you first saw each other. It bothers you, the solemness in his gaze. You know he's concerned about your well-being but this is your choice to make. No one else's. "I'm leaving."

"This could be best," Wooyoung murmurs. San scoffs, but he continues. "Chan wants her. Badly. He looked furious when he saw that she easily fit into the manor. He might have expected the opposite. So for her safety, it may be our most alluring option. And it will keep us out of their eyes momentarily. "

"They will never look away, not when they are suspecting something. I'm not letting her go," San says again. "I can't."

There's silence after his words. Yeosang hasn't said anything, and it seems like he doesn't plan to, his eyes cast outside. Seonghwa stands next to Yunho. He hasn't uttered a word, avoiding your gaze. You can feel San's anguish in your chest, the others' emotions hidden from you. Perhaps it's because they haven't accepted your bond. But at this moment, you don't care. You just want this heavy weight on your chest to disappear.

I’m saying that the only way to save everyone is if you push us away. By any means I want you to break our hearts, lady.

Your eyes move to him. Your heart is beating against your chest endlessly. You know they all can hear it. You know that they're expecting something from you. Anything. And despite wanting, craving… you've made your choice. If Yeosang wants you to break hearts, you'll do it.

"Okay. We can figure something out. Me leaving will be the last option," you say finally. San's face drops, relief coating his features. You give him a quick smile, ignoring everyone else. "That's my choice."

"Then so be it," Seonghwa says simply. "It's good that you're staying with us for a little longer, I will need you on a small trip into the city."

Yeosang scoffs this time, speaking up. "She almost died and you want her to frolic in the city? Isn't that against our objectives?"

“I don’t take her life lightly, Yeosang. This is why I’m telling everyone that I’m going, instead of having a secret outing and not mentioning it to others.” Seonghwa quirks his brow, Yeosang’s clenched jaw only pleasing him. “It won’t be long. Maybe a few hours at most. You know why I must bring her, it’s the only way to convince him to agree.”

“He’s right Yeosang,” Yunho says softly. “But again, you are her guard now. You can take the journey with them or–”

“It’s fine, I’ll stay behind,” Yeosang says quickly. “Seonghwa watched over her before, and I trust that he can continue to watch over her safety. I have no objections.”

“That settles it. Lady, I will see to it that you’re well enough to take the journey. San, I believe that you wanted to bring her back to her quarters? You can do that now, we have other things to discuss,” Yunho nods at you. “Have a good rest.”

-

“You seem annoyed,” San starts. You close the door behind you quietly, their soft whispers too low to make it to your ears. You don't say anything, his soft steps following close behind as you make your way back to your room. The one place where you can have a moment to yourself to think. To gather your ideas and come up with a plan to break their hearts. You already have three fated, and you don't want to find out if there's any more. Two out of three hate looking at you. A part of you wonders if San's soft gaze will turn back into a glare again. You've experienced it moments ago. It felt horrible.

"Hey Bug," San touches your elbow lightly. A shiver travels through your body as you pull your arm away from him. "I didn't mean–"

"San, I just need time to myself."

"I'd give you that if I didn't think you'd run away at the first chance you got," he says simply. You snort, rolling your eyes. "What? You've stated how you felt. You don't want to be here. I can feel what you're feeling. I know that you only said that to appease me."

"I said it because I was being stared at by all of you, and you all wanted me to decide on my fate. What if I said no, San? What would you have done to me? Could you stand there and tell me that you wouldn't have forced me to stay here?" You press, moving closer to him. He stands his ground despite the conflicting emotions in his expression. You reach up, your hand hesitating to touch his cheek. Touching is dangerous, lethal. Your thoughts are no longer your own. So, you drop your hand and step back. "Let's go back to how we were before. You hate me, and I avoid you as much as I can."

"No–"

"San, would you just listen to me for once?"

"Would you listen to me? Because all I've been doing is listening to you. Following your words, letting my thoughts get pushed back for what you want," His voice sounds tired. He rests his hand lightly on your back, guiding you into a nearby room. It looks like a storage area, boxes packed and stacked around. He locks the door, turning around to look at you.

"You could have died. Do you understand that? Do you, really?" He looks at his hands, clenching them. "I wasn't there. I was in another fucking wing of this manor. I felt it, Bug. I felt how the poison felt in your body. I felt how it spread, I felt it when you fell unconscious. I was walking through the halls and outside when I saw the archer pointing directly at the porch. I didn't register it quick enough until he shot off two arrows before scattering. Then I ran, I kept on running. The others were close behind when we finally caught up to him. Do you know what I was going to do?"

"San, you don't have to say it. It's okay, I get it," you say softly, tears welling in your eyes as you stare at him.

"I was gonna tear him apart, limb by limb. I was going to make him suffer for what he did to you. I've never felt such rage coursing through my body, Bug. I…" he takes a breath. "I was going to torture him. And even now when I think of it, I don't have a hint of remorse. The others took care of him because they didn't believe I could control myself," he laughs dryly. "It's a bit funny. They said that, and yet they seemed overjoyed to take over the job themselves. I don't want you to push me away. I don't care what anyone else has told you. We can protect you. I can protect you–"

"San," you sigh softly. "Thank you for tracking down that person. But I don't want this for you. For any of you. I don't want you to have to kill people just because I was hurt. I told you before, I don't agree with the bloodshed. And I know Mavians don't either. It is because of me that you had to kill one of your own. It makes me feel guilty," you think back, noticing how many of their clothes were still stained with the aftermath. "You'll be fine without me."

“Bug…” He moves closer to you but you put your hand up, stopping him.

“I will always value your friendship and what you’ve done to make me, make us work. But I don't think it will. You’re leaving, San. All of you are leaving, and we have to come to terms with it together.”

“We can figure it out, we just have to think.”

“I’m not letting you stay here, and I’m not coming with you. I have too many things to think about. My brother, my parents, I have a life here, San. And you have a life out there without me.”

“We can figure it out,” he insists.

“If we weren’t Fated, would you say this?” You ask, eyes staring into his. His pupils shake, moving between each of yours. “San, if you were not Fated to me, would you even care for me the slightest?”

“Bug, please--”

“Would you? Do you even know me, really?” You persist, moving closer to him. He shrinks slightly at your approach. It’s odd, seeing someone like San shrink away from you. He’s usually tougher, more built-up and serious in his approach. Seeing him like this, almost afraid of what you’ll say next, makes you hesitant. He seems to notice how you stop, rising slightly. “Do you really care for me? The real me?”

“You haven’t given me the chance to try,” he says softly. He doesn’t move to you, doesn’t invade your space whatsoever. He stands near the door, hands relaxed. “All you have done is push me away, Bug. You haven’t let me try and see who you are. Right now, I admire the person you are. How resilient you’ve been in saving your brother, how often you’ve pushed your wants aside for others. It’s something that I’ve struggled to do myself. And with your words now, I realized that I’ve been too selfish with you. I’ve pushed my feelings on you and cast yours aside. I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about your well-being because I do, whether we are Fated or not. I want us to figure this out, Bug. Together.”

You can feel the walls you’ve built up with him crumble slightly. He still doesn’t move for you, eyes stuck on yours. You can see how watery the surface of his is, the shakiness in his gaze as he waits for you to reject his offer. To push him away, one last time. You move closer to him, ignoring the worried thoughts that threaten to spill over. Instead, you let your trembling arms wrap around his torso, a low, relieved breath falling from his lips as he takes you into him and embraces you with everything you have.

“I’m not my best self, San,” you say, fingers digging into his jacket. “I don’t know how to be vulnerable with anyone.”

“Then we can figure it out together,” he murmurs into your hair, lips pressed against it. “Just don’t push me away again, okay? That’s the only way we can help each other. I’m not going to push you into anything when you’re not ready. But I will be there for you when I can. You just can’t let all of this weigh on you alone. Let me take some of it away from you, even if it’s momentarily.”

You laugh into his chest dryly, “You’re too good for me, you know that right?”

His laugh matches yours. “I do. But I do want to say something,” he pulls away from you. You look up at him, watching as he bites his lip. “I’m sorry about how I’ve been acting. I shouldn’t be angry that you have other Fates, I was just angry at how he was treating you. Seonghwa is a hard shell to crack, and putting his anger into you isn’t okay to me. But I was acting immaturely, so I’m sorry. He’s been through a lot on his own, and I shouldn’t have involved myself. I won’t do it again,” he lets his hands travel up your waist, follow the curve along your neck, and hold your face in between his hands. “I’m deeply sorry.”

“How could I refuse an apology like that?” Your brow quirks, a smile curving into your lips. He grins down at you, the dimples you love to see forming on his cheeks. “Keep on looking at me like that and I’ll forgo this waiting time.”

“I’m ready whenever you are, my little Bug,” he whispers.

A light knock on the storage door pulls you out of your bubble. San moves his hands away from your face, turning around and opening it. Wooyoung stands there, his fingers waving in a quick flutter as he meets your eyes. The mischievous grin that always rests on his lips is still there, though there is an inquisitive stare as he glances at San.

“Have you two been…?” He cocks his brow. “Doing nefarious things in our storage closet? That’s quite scandalous of you, San. You know how Yeosang likes his things free of strange substances. Though, he may be a bit curious if it was one of yours,” he giggles.

“You’re disgusting,” San rolls his eyes, words free of anger. His hand reaches out, ruffling his hair before sliding down Wooyoung’s cheek, pinching it lightly. You’ve suspected something happening between them before, but you’ve always pushed it away. It’s none of your business and never will be, but you can’t help but notice the lingering look Wooyoung gives him as he pulls away, his eyes on his fingers. San doesn’t hide his gaze either, something heavily residing in his look. But it disappears once his eyes meet yours, care replacing what you can only call lust. “What do you want, you scoundrel?”

“Scoundrel? How rude!” Wooyoung fake gasps, hand resting on his chest. His eyes move to you. “I’m supposed to guide you to Yunho’s office. Quickly, he mentioned. So unfortunately I don’t have the time to stand here and play with you. San, you are not allowed to come unfortunately. It is just a meeting between her, Yunho and Seonghwa. So,” Wooyoung moves to the side, gesturing forward. “I’ll be following you close behind.”

You glance at San. He gives you a sweet smile and affirmative nod. You nod back, taking a step forward, before picking up the pace. You hear Wooyoung whisper something to San, before following you close behind. Surprisingly, Wooyoung doesn’t say much as he’s alone with you. Vastly different from the Mav you met not too long ago, his words playful and eyes filled with malignity. He’s calmer, quieter. You don’t bother making up idle conversation either, hands resting against your chest as you make your way through the halls. Again, you wonder a bit why everyone seems to guide you around when you’re perfectly fine making the way yourself.

“It is because of the lurking danger around corners, lovebug,” Wooyoung says, answering your question. “I could tell by your face that you were wondering, don’t think too deep into it,” he adds.

“But we’re in the manor, there isn’t a possibility of an intruder,” you say. He nods slowly, not offering another explanation. So that’s it. The only words you exchange when you make it to the door of the office. You turn back to thank Wooyoung for guiding you, but he’s all but gone, leaving you in the empty hallway. You knock one before entering, glancing between the two men as you open the door. They seem to be in deep conversation, eyes stuck on one another’s. Yunho is the first to break the hold, smiling at you lightly and gesturing for you to enter.

Seonghwa picks up the conversation, not daring to meet your gaze. “We have other options, Yunho. We can’t just up and leave when they’re watching our every move. Right now isn’t a great time, and I’m not sure if in the near future it will be great either. We all must make sacrifices, Yunho. I’m sure our people will understand completely. But picking up pace right now is only a selfish venture.”

You don’t dare ask what’s going on, the conversation and air between them thick.

Yunho scoffs. "I have lived for everyone but myself, Seonghwa. My every breath was taken just so that I can live a second more to lead you all. I didn't choose this. I didn't want to lead, I never did. I took it because you weren't strong enough to do it yourself, and you would have led us down a path of misery. So don't stand there and tell me that I'm being selfish when you're the one who put your feelings above everyone else's," Yunho stops ranting, taking a slow breath as he looks away from him. "Just get our leader from the plaza and bring him back. Tell him to be in good shape to meet Chan. We don't need anything or anyone else delaying our plans."

The two of you stand there in silence as Yunho finishes his speech, sitting quietly down at his desk. He doesn't give Seonghwa a glance, flipping through papers.

"Is that what you truly think of me?" Seonghwa asks softly, fingers curling around the papers. "You considered me selfish?"

"I already dismissed you. No need to stand there and argue a mute point with me."

"No. You can't sit there and expect me to take your words as law. Because I am not selfish, Yunho. I've never been selfish, and you telling me that just makes me feel like you've valued our time as nothing," Seonghwa swallows loudly. "I was never meant to be a leader and you know that. I never had the physical or mental capabilities to do it, especially not after losing the one Mavian I loved."

Yunho stops shifting his papers, eyes still down.

"You were right in telling San that he doesn't know what death could do to you. But you don't know either. You don't know how it felt to be crouched over her body, her blood soaking my fingers. To stand there and not have the tools to save her. You don't get it. Seeing her life slowly fade as she stares at you, until there's nothing left. You haven't the slightest clue what that could do to someone. I would have never been able to lead you all to victory because I'm not even capable of saving someone I love. Thinking about it now makes me want to fall into that endless hole again. I am not selfish, Yunho. I am realistic. I never would have been a good enough leader for you all."

He bows slightly. You can see the way his eyes water, but he holds it in. "I'll see to it that Hongjoong is here by afternoon tomorrow. Have a good night, Yunho. Come with me immediately, Peacemaker," He turns on his heel, his eyes meeting yours for the briefest moment, before exiting the room. You look at Yunho, but he doesn’t give you the slightest glance. You’re not sure what to say to fix anything, so you follow Seonghwa out the door.

-

"Tonight?" You say, picking up your pace as you follow Seonghwa. He moves swiftly through the hallway, a seemingly permanent frown on his lips. Whatever happened before he told you the two of you were leaving the manor tonight must have irked him. He barely gave you a glance since you've been navigating through the hallways. He holds the front door open for you, closing it a bit harshly once you exit through. He takes out his keys, making his way around to the driver's side. He presses his finger on the glass, the car starting on its own.

"Tonight is the only time Hongjoong lingers around the town square. For the rest of the week it's a bit hard to spot him. He's often in places we can't find him. But on nights like this he enjoys liquor in a bar on the opposite side of town," he slides inside the vehicle, gesturing for you to follow.

You slowly sink into the seat, keeping your arms to yourself as you look around the car. You've never been in one yourself, besides the old bus that dropped you off. It's sleek and modern in design, a steering wheel not seen. It's a bit interesting how Mavians can enjoy luxuries like this, but can't walk above ground. A paradox, really. It’s odd that, although most of his people are living in shambles, the juxtaposition between that and the technology they’re allowed to use. You wonder a bit if it’s to stop them from rebelling, to appease the top Mavians for a moment.

"I thought none of you speak to him?"

"He's our defunct leader, whether we like it or not. The humans often ask for his presence in meetings. During those times he's always high on some new substance, or drunk. But this upcoming meeting is important. He has to look at least functional so the humans don't try to take advantage. And the meeting is tomorrow, if you were wondering."

"If this is so important, why are you bringing me? I know nothing about him–"

"As with Wooyoung, he likes new things to play with. Seeing a human female in Mavian territory is something strange to encounter, but even more so one that is Fated to more than one of us,” he says, the car lurching forward. It drives slowly into the night, taking back roads instead of the main one Yeosang and Mingi used on your adventure several days ago. “He would like to meet someone of a remarkable occurrence. Hopefully enough to motivate him to clean himself up for one morning. But when we get there, don’t speak to him much. A word here or there is fine, but I want to have you mysterious enough for him to follow what we say.”

You nod, looking out into the night. Through this path, only the headlights of the car light your way. It’s pitch black. You’ve never been frightened of the night, but the eerie silence from both the car and the lack of conversation makes a wave of fear roll through you. There’s nothing distracting your thoughts from roaming elsewhere.

Seonghwa has avoided you all this time. Especially being alone with one another. He hasn’t mentioned the Fated mark on purpose. And it’s not like you want to acknowledge it as well, you’re already struggling on your own with San and Yeosang. But feeling the pure disinterest from him makes your heart ache slightly. It’s funny; you’ve been so set on pushing San away, that you didn’t realize how it felt to be on the receiving end. It’s humbling.

“You don’t have to pretend to not have questions for me,” Seonghwa starts, finally filling the silence. “It only makes our brief presence in each other’s lives more heavy. Say what you have to say.”

“We don’t have to be anything, Seonghwa,” you say. Your words seem to take him off guard, eyes finally moving to you. “This Fated thing, whatever it is. We don’t have to force ourselves to like each other. An otherworldly presence isn’t going to make me suddenly fall in love with you. And I’m sure you feel the same.”

“... it is not that I don’t want to feel anything for you, Peacemaker. It is that I cannot, even if I desired it,” he says softly, barely heard over the low hum of the car. “I’ve had my heart torn apart, as you’ve heard from my conversation with Yunho. I don’t want that feeling again. I don’t want to care for someone to that point.”

You look at him, watch how the thought seems to push him deeper and further away from you. You’ve never wanted to take over his heart. You didn’t even want this in the first place. But you’ve seen the warmth in his gaze once, passing by as he spoke to a caretaker. He’s capable of feeling something other than dread.

“Can you tell me about her?” You ask. Seonghwa’s head whips to you, questions in your eyes. “Sometimes it’s better to talk about it then hold it in. I’m sure you haven’t had the chance to speak about her in a long time. But you don’t have to, Seonghwa. It’s just a suggestion, that’s all.”

He’s quiet.

“Ari was someone that I’ve always seen around Wysteria. She was the complete opposite of me; social and loud. She loved everyone she came across, she shined. It seemed something that would never happen, for me to even have the value of being in her presence. But she was also temperamental and irritated easily. We argued a lot, even with the Fates tying us together. But at the end of long days, we’ve always come back together with ease. She loved my presence, and I loved hers. Where I calmed her she opened me up. We were young lovers, anticipating the future of our lives, anxious to see how we’d journey through each moment with each other.

“I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone like Ari again. She’s unique. Loved with ease. Cared without blinking. She would cry, when a creature on our planet died from natural causes. I’ve never seen such grieve strike a person like the way it did her. She crumbled and didn’t sleep right for days. It was hard to pull her out of it, but I tried. Her care was just too much for her to hold inside herself. There was a point where I couldn’t handle it on my own, but by then she’d go back to herself. I knew that it still sat on her shoulders, but she pushed it away. That was one of the things that I admired about her, but hated; she cared, but is it possible to care too much? Because if it was, she was the definition of it. Perhaps that was the moment where I realized that I might lose her soon.

“The day we lost our planet was the day we were to be joined as one. Ari insisted that she stay behind to help our people board the ships. I told her to come with me, I begged her. But there was nothing I could do. And I don’t often admit it to myself, but I hated that she cared. I hated it so much, that she wasn’t for a moment selfish in her ways. Ari was beautiful and caring, but the care took her life. I held her dying body in my hands, my fingers gripping her with all of my strength. Thinking that there was a possibility that I would be able to push it into her, give her another breath of life. But that wasn’t the case. I watched her eyes gloss over, watched as life kissed her one last time and disappeared.

He blinks finally, pulling himself out of the anguish. His lips quirk slightly.

“I miss her to the point where it’s unbearable. I often have nights of wanting to rip out my heart, wishing that I had taken her place. I cared too much. I suffer a kind of loneliness that just doesn’t go away with the thought of having another. That is why I can’t be with you, Peacemaker. And I will never be able to. Not in your lifetime and maybe many after. I apologize if that wasn’t the happy story you were looking for.”

“You isolate yourself as much as possible to reduce the amount of loss expected,” you say simply. “I know it’s easier to. And I don’t want to influence your feelings because I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel anything for you. But doing that to yourself will only be worse in the end. It’s hard for me to believe in anything, especially knowing how humans are, and how I’ve been treated my whole life. But I do believe in something. It’s going to hurt badly either way. Life is going to tear you apart, break you into pieces that you’ll struggle to put back together. But preventing yourself from creating memories to fall back on in those moments will only destroy you. At least try to give yourself something when times get tough. Make and cherish those moments, and don’t push them away.”

You look at him, “And I saw the happy in your story Seonghwa, even if you couldn’t see it. The way you speak of her. You love her, and always will. And I’m sure she knew that too when she sacrificed her life to save others. The love was there, Seonghwa. It’s unfortunate that it didn’t change anything, there were just too many things that prevented it from blossoming the way you wanted it to. But it still matters. The love was there, and the love still is.”

-

No other words were said after that. The car parked on the side and Seonghwa got out, following him close behind. He slowed down his pace compared to before though, allowing you to walk by his side. You’re a bit glad for the change, there’s the question if you’ve offended him by offering some words. But from the slight change, you’ve assumed otherwise. He still doesn’t say much to you, only words like stay close to me or don’t look too deep into that Mavian’s eyes. You’re covered in a cloak, hiding you from wandering gazes. Some give you a few questioning gazes, but not enough to realize that you’re a female and a human. You wonder if at this time of night, there are Mavian that aren’t as friendly to humans. Or if because of them killing the Mavian that struck you, they’re more wary of your presence. It’s not a stretch, only making you move slightly close to Seonghwa as he makes his way through the streets.

“He often rests between the side street of the brothel and bar,” Seonghwa says, slowing down his pace. “It’s where no one judges him, the Mavs too drunk to pay any mind to their withering leader. Never former, since everyone considers him to still be an influential part of our society. Yunho has helped his reputation a bit, telling our people that he’s still active in our leadership.”

“And they believe that?” You ask.

Seonghwa’s lips crack into a light smile, “It’s better to believe something that isn’t true than to face it head on. No one wants to think of our leader as someone incompetent. He will always be renowned as the man who saved the Mav race from dying on Wysteria. Ah, there he is.” Seonghwa gestures to a few steps on the side of the building. You see a Mavian leaning against the stones, barely conscious.

Seonghwa doesn’t bother to say anything else to you, making his way over to the Mavian. He kicks his leg once, not too hard. Just enough to wake him. The Mavian groans, eyes lifting.

“You’ve come to me,” his head rests against the cement staircase, blue eyes narrowing as they meet Seonghwa. “I told you to stay away.” His clothing is unlike any you’ve seen in the large Mav colony. Even the Mavian that roam the streets don’t seem as unkempt as him. His clothing is filled with holes, most of his torso flashing back at you in the darkness. His face is covered in scruff from lack of shaving. Hair tousled messily on his head, circle glasses resting on top of his head, filled with cracks. He would fit into your neighborhood with ease, except the large Mavian tattoos crowding his neck.

“If I had another choice I wouldn’t even speak to you again Hongjoong,” he says back, scoffing. Hongjoong, you’ve finally learned the leader’s name. “All you ever do is drink your sorrows away and pity yourself. You’re not fit to be the leader anymore, even if you were excellent before.”

“Ah,” he snorts, his stringy, blue hair blocking most of his face. It doesn’t look like it’s been trimmed in a while. “Was that a compliment between the insults?”

“Just get sober for an hour and then we can talk,” Seonghwa tosses him a towel. The old leader doesn’t even try to catch it, the fabric hitting his face. You’d laugh at the silliness of the moment, if the situation wasn’t serious. “At least make yourself look presentable. We’re meeting with the human leaders. They need to see that you’re still alive.”

“Haven’t they figured out that I have no authority anymore, Hwa?” He murmurs, sliding the towel down his face. It stains the makeup that lines his cheeks, blue streaks against his face. His gaze finally moves to you, eyebrows furrowing. “A human woman? What’s she doing with you? They aren’t allowed in our colonies.”

“You’ll get the answers to your questions when you clean yourself up,” Seonghwa grumbles. “So will you join us tomorrow morning or not? Hey!” Seonghwa reaches down, gripping his collar and shaking Hongjoong. You gasp slightly at the sight, moving back. You can see the frustration in Seonghwa’s gaze. But after spending a few silent moments with him, you can see between the anger. He cares, even if he doesn’t want to show it. “Pay attention to me, idiot! Are you coming or not?”

Hongjoong pushes his hand off lazily, “Alright, I’m going, I’m going. You shouldn’t be grabbing your leader like that, you know,” he jokes. That only seems to anger Seonghwa more. But he lets go of him roughly, kicking the can of liquor that Hongjoong reaches for. Hongjoong whines, but he ignores it. Watches as Hongjoong quickly picks up the spilling can.

“You’re a disappointment to me, Joong. You will always be a disappointment to me. But unfortunately, I don’t trust you enough to come on your own. Mingi is here to help you come back.”

You turn around, watching as Mingi appears from the dark. He smiles at you, eyes moving around yours to flick to the fallen leader. “How you doing, old capt’?” He says. There’s a hint of worry in his gaze as he watches Hongjoong swing back another can of beer, sighing lightly. “No more alcohol tonight, we have a big day tomorrow. Need you sober for it.”

“Agh, you wound me Mingi,” Hongjoong says, clenching his chest in mock agony. “I can function without it. Just one more drink for the night?”

Mingi frowns. “One.”

Seonghwa tugs on your arm, pulling you away from the scene. You look up at his face as he guides you through the streets, tugging your hood a bit roughly over your face. You don’t say anything to him, letting him hold you tight as he pulls you back to the car. There’s nothing you can say; you didn’t expect the former Mavian leader meeting to be so somber, but Seonghwa warned you. He wasn’t as he once was. There was an aura of defeat around him, failure reeking from his body as he sat on the steps. It reminded you of nights when you were younger, caring for your fallen mother or father as they came back from long days of working. Until they’ve drunk themselves down to the point where they couldn’t stand.

“Papa, come on,” you uttered, tugging on his heavy body. You couldn’t have been more than eight years old at the time, watching as your father drank himself asleep. You hid it away from Jongho’s gaze, knowing it would hurt him to see his parents so down. You pulled and pulled, desperate for him to get off the streets and into your shack.

“You’re… take… of us. Forever,” your father said through quick murmurs. It was too low and indistinguishable for you to understand. But it happened every night. He’d profess that he’d do better, that you will be okay. That he’d take on more jobs and time to get you out of the slums. But it was to no avail. You’ve grown to realize that your parents let luxuries stop your family from moving forward, caring too much about material things rather than survival. But there you were, a young girl desperately pulling your father into your home.

Wondering if there was something wrong with you, to be born into a family like that. To have parents care so little for your well-being. To force you, the oldest sibling, to have the weight of daily survival on your shoulders.

From that, you can see how Seonghwa felt. Watching the Mavian leader succumb to alcohol. You just hope that this time it isn’t too late. Because unlike your parents, you could see hope from that brief interaction between the both of them. Hongjoong cared for his people, for Seonghwa and Mingi. He just needed a push.

You two make it back to the car, still saying nothing to one another. Seonghwa slams his door rather harshly again, the sound echoing in the night. You wonder if the Fates knew how similar the both of you are. You’ve experienced the loss of your parents, only shells that rested in the shack back home. Seonghwa experienced the loss of his love, his leader. It was so odd, how similar you were. You haven’t entirely repaired yourself enough to consider being happy, and you’re sure Seonghwa doesn’t even want to start. Is it a joke, matching the two of you together this way? Have the Fates seen how broken the two of you were, and thought it’d be humorous to pair you up?

How cruel the world could be.

-

“He is here, do with him as you will,” Seonghwa walks up the steps, eyes forward as he passes Yunho. “I wish you luck. He was barely awake when I found him on the back steps of the bar.” He disappears into the front door, leaving you alone with Yunho. Said man sighs, watching as Mingi pulls Hongjoong up the path from his car.

“You’ve done well, Peacemaker,” Yunho says, nodding at you slightly. “You can rest now, no need for one of us to guide you to your quarters. And I apologize for being overly cautious, we can’t be too sure when the military is out there trying to kill you.” He says sympathetically. “Thank you again.”

“I’ve done nothing but show my face,” you say. “No need to thank me for that.”

“It was enough to convince Hongjoong to get off his stoop. Seonghwa has been there plenty of times with no luck, so your presence must have intrigued him enough to move. It was the only unique thing after several attempts.”

“Will seeing Hongjoong changes things?” You ask Yunho.

He purses his lips. “Maybe. Chan is a very fickle individual. He could be surprised, or he could be expecting it. I hope he is shocked at least a bit. It’ll give us an advantage in the strategic meeting. And unfortunately, he wants to see you,” Yunho looks at you with sympathy. “I’ve told him to make sure he brings with him Jongho’s communication letters, because we have yet to receive one. He agreed, in exchange for seeing you again. I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to tell you.”

“No, this is good. It gives me something of my brother. I’m worried about him,” you say softly, watching as Hongjoong stumbles over the loose pebbles. Mingi sighs as he looks down at him, picking the former leader up with ease. “Thank you for adding that in, Yunho. Really.” You touch his arm lightly out of instinct, pulling back immediately.

Yunho blinks quickly, eyebrows furrowing as they meet your gaze. The polite look that he always has is immediately filled with awe, and a bit of fear. His mouth parts as he takes a slight step to you, but you move back quickly. No. It couldn’t be–

“Peacemaker?” he utters. You move around him, making your way through the front door. “Wait, Lady!”

“I wish you a good night!” You shout back, moving through the hallways. Caretakers try to stop you, but you ignore all of them, pushing your way through. You hit a solid body as you turn a corner, the both of you falling to the floor. Your head almost hits the mahogany, but his hand stops you, hitting it instead. You try to push off of him, but he grasps your forearms, holding you steadily against him.

Yeosang looks up at you, confusion in his eyes as he stares at your teary ones. “What’s the matter?”

“Yunho… I, he…” You can barely speak, lips trembling. He lets go of your forearms, letting you get off of him. You pace back and forth, trying your best to gather your thoughts. He doesn’t give you a chance to, pulling you along and into his room, shutting the door quickly. He gestures for you to sit at his side table, resting on the chair next to it as you make your way there.

You sit down slowly, letting your head rest in your hands. “He’s one of the Fated, Yeosang,” you finally utter. “I touched his arm out of habit, and I felt it. I felt the same thing I felt with the three of you. He is one of them, Yeosang. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

A defeated sigh falls from his lips. “It is as I thought.”

Your head whips up, eyes meeting his. He looks resolute, his gaze tired. “What did you think, Yeosang?”

“All of it made no sense in the beginning. After Seonghwa, I suspected it but you’ve finally confirmed it with this. y/n…”

“Don’t say it,” you say, stopping him in his tracks.

“We need to talk about it.”

“We don’t. Not now, at least. Not now. We have bigger things to worry about, especially with Hongjoong and Chan tomorrow. I’ve just overreacted, it could have been a sting, maybe. Nothing would come of it, I assure you,” you say to him, although it felt as if you were trying to convince yourself. “I’ll leave like you said, and we wouldn’t have to worry about any of this.”

“But if he is a Fated–"

“He isn’t!” You say a bit loudly, eyes narrowing at him. “He can’t be, okay? He can’t be, Yeosang.”

He raises his hands up in surrender. “Alright. And as you’ve said, it doesn’t matter right now. Nothing does, since you’ll be leaving soon.” His eyes move to the floor. “I wanted to talk to you about something before you told me this news. I know you’d be leaving soon, so I thought it’d be in our best interests if we explored the options.”

“Options?” you ask.

You’ve rarely noticed Yeosang’s change of emotions. He’s often silent in the presence of others, but open in private. And right now, there’s a hint of curiosity in his gaze as his eyes stare into yours. He swallows, and you watch as his apple slowly slides at the motion, staring back at you.

“I wish time had better timing for you and me,” he admits softly. “Then I would have cherished you with every fiber of my being, loved you with every breath.”

“You told me that it wasn’t ever possible,” you say.

“And I didn’t lie.”

“Then what did you want to ask?”

“Can we pretend for a brief moment, that our love wasn’t an impossibility?” He spreads his legs a bit, as if waiting for you to come in between them, to rest on his thighs. And you, being the fool you are, take it in stride. You slowly stand, pushing away your thoughts of anxiety at the thought of tomorrow. Letting yourself relish in this brief moment. His lines on his forehead relax once you rest yourself on top of his legs, body towards him, your legs resting on either side of his.

You press your lips lightly against his temple, just above his birthmark. His skin is as soft as his gaze, his eyelids brushing delicately against his cheeks. You pull back, gliding your fingers through his black locks. His gaze moves to you in wonder, eyes scanning your face. Before you can pull back completely, his hand pushes against your back, preventing you from moving back further. His other hand slides up the curve of your body, before resting just underneath the back of your hairline.

"Don't do that and expect me to just sit here quietly," he murmurs. Without warning, he pulls you into him, a low gasp falling from his lips as your mouth meets his. Instead of the frantic passion you expected, he was slow and deliberate. His tongue sliding against yours with tender care, fingers digging into your neck. Both of you know this will be the last time you’d ever do something like this again. Your hands slip underneath his loose shirt, dragging along the defined muscles that hid beneath the fabric. He lifted his hands from your head, pulling away from you as you lifted the shirt over his head. He barely gave you a chance to admire his chest, pulling your body against him as he stands. You wrapped your legs around his body, your back hitting his sheets softly. He climbed on top of you, fingers shaking as they touched your hips. You let your fingers curl into his, his trembling subsiding.

“It’s okay to let go, Yeosang,” you whisper against his shoulder. His fingers tighten against yours, his forehead resting on yours. His eyes look into yours. For a moment, you can feel the surreal bond that you two have and pushed aside. Your heart beats against your chest, breaths mingled together as you sit there for a moment.

“You make it seem so easy,” he murmurs, pulling his fingers out of yours. His hands linger on your hips, slowly pulling them down your legs. They catch the lining of your underwear. He hooks his index fingers on the fabric, gliding it down as well. He rocks his hips against yours, your pants falling to the side of the bed. “Can I touch you?”

“Yes,” you breathe, his fingers slowly making their way between your legs. He cups you, middle finger disappearing between your folds. He finds your clit with ease, rubbing it lightly. You gasp, hands gripping his shoulders as he rubs slowly. He pulls away before you can reach your peak, moving off the bed and pulling down his pants, dropping them next to yours. Your eyes flick to the tattoo resting on his waist, a flower you can’t name low on his left hip, the stem curving around his thigh, disappearing behind it. You don’t get the chance to observe further, his hand stroking his cock slowly.

He keeps his dark eyes on yours, fingers rubbing the tip lightly. A soft y/n falls from his lips as his lids flutter, his strokes increasing quickly. He stops himself, moving back on the bed. His fingers enter you quickly, two at once. You moan lightly, the tips curling into you with ease, the wet sounds of your arousal filling the silence. His thumb rubs your clit quickly, his eyes still on yours, biting his lip as he watches you come undone on his hand.

“Yeosang--” you muster through gasps, gripping his wrist. “I’m gonna…”

“Look at me, y/n,” he says your name with the utmost warmth, thumb moving quicker as you tighten against his fingers, moaning as you shudder, coming against his hand. He slows down his pace, stopping when you whine softly. He lifts his fingers to his tongue, sucking on them as he meets your gaze. “Can’t wait to be inside you,” he grins.

He moves above you, lining his cock with you. You see the scars lining his chest, matching the rope scars on his wrists. You look at them, suddenly aware of how you look right now in his eyes. But his gaze is only filled with wonder as he looks down at you. He presses his lips against yours, lifting your shirt up with ease. His eyes flick across your torso, lightly pecking each scar he sees. You feel tears welling in your eyes as he touches them with the utmost care, his fingers tracing them lightly.

“You’re beautiful, y/n,” he murmurs, rubbing his cock against your folds. You tremble each time it rubs against your clit, the anticipation making your heartbeat feel as if it’ll escape your ribcage. “Let me see how pretty you can be.”

He pushes into you, your moans matching as he moves in slowly. His lips suck lightly on your neck as his cock stretches your walls. Your hands wrapped around his neck, lips pecking his shoulder as he moved into you with ease.

You wonder if you ever knew desire before this, his fingers tight against your hips as he rocked into you slowly. Cherishing every moment your hips met one another’s, your skins touching like a soft kiss. Flimsy promises to one another that wouldn’t be met. His soft gasps each time you squeezed his cock, rewarded with a quick stroke. The greatest moment of intimacy wasn’t the way he felt in you. It was the way he touched you delicately, with as much care as he could muster, with what you could see in his eyes as love and affection. As his fingers wiped the tears falling from your eyes, swallowing the moans with the deep stroke of his tongue, the soft whimpers of his love as he pushed deeper and deeper into you.

His shuddering hips quickened, strokes harder and quicker than before. You moaned, your legs trembling as you came on his cock, and a few quick strokes later, he came inside you, filling you with his warmth. He kept his cock in you as he rolled to the side, pulling you against his chest. He wraps his arms around you, pressing you as close as possible. In ordinary circumstances, you’d push away and insist that you’d shower. But you don’t want to move, don’t want to think about what happens after this.

“Thank you,” Yeosang says against your skin. “Thank you for making me feel like it’s okay to love you for one night.”

-

The morning comes quickly, a quiet walk to your room and quick shower in the morning erasing what happened last night. Yeosang watched you leave, not uttering a word as your eyes met when you left him alone on the bed. You didn’t move all night surprisingly, his cum dried and gross inside of you. You wash it away quickly that morning, tugging on your military regalia that you arrived in to meet the others in Yunho’s office. Mingi is there to escort you this morning, resting outside your door, his fingers resting against his gun as he watches you exit the room. His eyebrows furrow once they meet yours, and you worry that Yunho must have said something to him last night.

“Did you sleep in Yeosang’s room last night?” he asked. “I noticed you running from it earlier this morning.”

“Ah, I didn’t think anyone saw,” you admit. He chuckles dryly.

“I’m his neighbor, it’s a bit hard not to,” Mingi says, holding out his arm for you to hold. You pretend to not see, clearing your throat quickly. He drops his arm, confusion still in his gaze. He doesn’t get the chance to question you as you make your way forward, following next to you through the hallways. “Chan isn’t here yet, there’s no need to rush.”

“He’s not?”

“Nope,” he makes a popping sound with the ‘p’, “We’re going to the dining hall first so,” he blocks the right path to Yunho’s office, gesturing for you to turn right. “I’d be scolded if you didn’t eat anything this morning.”

You roll your eyes, but follow his path. Mingi is always talkative, speaking about how he wrangled Hongjoong into bed, having to clean him up in the morning when he took a shower. You can imagine it, Mingi slipping in the wet floors of the bathroom as Hongjoong took his time washing.

“He’s in the dining room right now,” Mingi says. You stop walking, his eyebrows furrowing. “What’s wrong?”

“I’d rather not be in the same room as him, no offense Mingi,” you say. “He reminds me too much of my parents.” You thought that his presence wouldn’t bother you, but the thought of having to pretend that you were fine as he sat across from you is something you don’t like. And you don’t blame Mingi; he doesn’t know your past with your parents. None of them do. But that glimpse of Hongjoong sitting on the ground, desperate for another drink, only made you want to crawl into yourself. Throwing you back into memories you thought you were over. “I’m sorry if this inconveniences you.”

“Ah, no it’s fine,” Mingi says quickly, waving you off. You thank him for understanding without prying further. “Wait here, I’ll kick him out so you can eat.”

He completely understood, just the wrong way. “No, he can stay I can just skip–”

“No need to skip breakfast when I’m already finished,” you turn, seeing Hongjoong stand there. He wears a suit, except the tie and vest are gone. He pushes his wet hair away from his face, eyes flicking between yours. “You can take your time, peacemaker,” a teasing smile coats his lips. If you didn’t see him hunched over last night, you wouldn’t have suspected anything off. He scratches the back of his neck, gesturing you forward. “We’ll talk about your strange appearance in Mavian territory soon enough. Seonghwa would be furious that I’d question you without him around. A bit of his controlling side, I think.”

“Don’t speak of him that way,” Mingi says, frowning. “Yunho is waiting for you in his office. We’ll be there when Chan comes.” He shrugs, turning on his heels and walking off. You let out a breath, rubbing your face. Mingi smiles at you understandingly, “I’m sorry about him. If I knew, I wouldn’t have gone to the dining room. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me Mingi, it’s okay,” you say, entering the room. Plates of fruits and other things are sitting on the table as you rest in one of the chairs, taking a plate. Mingi sits next to you, grabbing a few fruits and munching on them silently. “So, you’re letting Hongjoong walk around the manor without someone following him around.”

He nods, “Hongjoong many be an incompetent leader, but he knows his boundaries. Yunho has taken charge of this manor and he will always be a guest. But they both come to an agreement. Hongjoong with appear when he needs to appease the humans, but Yunho will be in charge of everything else. It brings harmony; Hongjoong doesn’t have to make official decisions and Yunho doesn’t have to declare himself as the true leader to Mav. It benefits both of them in the end.”

“But why doesn’t Yunho take his place officially?” You ask.

Mingi eats a strawberry, hesitating. “It’s complicated. Our people aren't yet ready to see a change in leadership. Sure, they've accepted Yunho's position. But a lot haven't given up on Hongjoong, even if he's given up on himself. But I’m not supposed to say anything to you about Hongjoong and his past. Not up to me to divulge any juicy information.”

“Thanks anyway, that was enough,” you take a bite of dry toast, glancing out the window. You’ve gotten a bit used to the night, although you did crave the sun sometimes. The warmth of it, the bright lights. You did notice that your time spent out of it made you paler, your eyebags deeper against your skin. But you were healthier than you were before, three meals a day and snacks if necessary. They made sure that you ate too, encouraging you despite your lack of an appetite. A part of you thinks it’s because of Jongho, his health state unknown, that makes you feel guilty for indulging in what they give you. You just hope that this morning, Chan has the letters from your brother. So that you’d have the slightest inkling if he was doing well on his own.

Mingi glances at the clock, wiping his fingers with a napkin and clearing his throat. You like being in his presence, he did fill the silence when need be, and remained silent when he deemed it necessary. Mingi has been a comforting presence since you’ve arrived, the anger from the first meeting disappearing quickly. He reminded you a bit of your brother; headstrong and humorous, helping whenever you were down. If you stayed longer than you planned, you would consider him a friend.

“Chan should be arriving soon. We should get going. If you want you can grab some extra things to dine on as we walk,” he gestures to the table, but you shake your head, cleaning off your fingers with the hand wipes and standing up. You both leave, quickly bowing to the caretakers that come in and clean up after you.

Mingi doesn’t fill the silence this time, sticking close to you as you walk up the steps to Yunho’s office. He’s covered from head to toe in a thick leather, gloves as well. Before you make it to Yunho’s door, he stops, tugging on your sleeve lightly.

“I have to warn you,” Mingi says softly, eyes flicking to the closed doors. “Yunho has been a bit off since last night. He hasn’t said a word to me, which is odd since he often vents his frustrations with me. But you might notice how he isn’t as cheerful as he usually is. Whatever happened at night must have bothered him enough into this early in the morning,” Mingi sighs. “I’m sure he hasn’t slept either, with the ruckus that Hongjoong brings. Just, don’t take his harsh words to heart, alright? He doesn’t mean any of it.”

You’re reminded of last night, how you ran away and into the arm’s of Yeosang. How Yunho looked at you. It was unlike the others, there was no fear in his gaze. Shock maybe, but he wasn’t afraid. After last night’s events you completely let it slip your mind. And now here you are, steps away from his fury at what happened. Mingi tugs you forward, his gloved hand encasing yours. You look at his in shock, and he gives you a quick smile.

“You’ll be okay,” he says simply, guiding you forward. He gives your hand a quick squeeze before opening the door, letting your hands part. The door creaks slightly as it opens. You see Yunho writing something, Seonghwa on the opposite side of the room reading a novel. Yeosang stands next to his desk, Wooyoung resting on the window seat, his leg swinging. San’s eyes meet yours, a smile on his lips. But your gaze is focused on Yunho’s. He glances up, eyes flicking between you and Mingi. It settles on yours for a moment, before clearing his throat.

“Chan is arriving soon. The peacemaker can sit next to Wooyoung, while the rest of us keep an eye on Chan. Ah, Hongjoong,” his eyes move to the side of you. You turn, seeing Hongjoong sit leisurely in the cushions. He rubs his forehead, blinking slowly. “At least make yourself look awake and ready. I can’t have you sleeping on the job.”

“Aye aye capt’,” Hongjoong chuckles, leaning up slowly. You make your way around the others, Wooyoung dropping his legs so you can sit next to him. He’s dressed casually like he always is, except his neckline isn’t all the way down to his button. You can tell he just threw his outfit together, tie loose on his neck. He leans in close to you, cupping his mouth as he moves to your ear.

“Didn’t know Yeo could make those kind of sounds,” He murmurs, your head turning to him quick. He wiggles his brows, nudging you slightly. “Next time ask me to join in on the fun, yea?”

“Alright, he’s here,” Yunho stands up quick. Hongjoong slowly stands, stretching out his arms as the office door opens, with Mingi’s assistance. You straighten up, preparing yourself to greet the man you hate to see. Chan slides into the room with ease, unaccompanied by guards. He shakes Yunho’s hand firmly, his loud voice echoing around the room to greet everyone. Yunho nods at him, frowning slightly when he looks behind Chan.

“I thought you said it’d only be you,” Yunho says. “We didn’t prepare for additional guests.”

“I thought that my peacemaker would enjoy this guest,” Chan’s lips rest in a teasing grin, moving out the way for you to see. “Consider him as a token of my appreciation for keeping her relatively out of harm’s way.”

Your eyes move to the man that walks from behind him. His clothing is clean, the same uniform you wore when you first entered the underground. His wide eyes look around the room, taking in the unfamiliar faces. His expression is tense, until it lands on you. His furrowed brows relax, a smile forming on his lips. You waste no time, pushing past everyone in the room and into his arms. He relaxes in your hold, your body shaking with relief as you take him in. Your fingers dig into his brown hair, pulling him as deep into your hold as you can.

“I’m so happy you’re okay,” you tell him softly, pulling away slightly to look at him. He’s grown taller since you’ve last seen him, you look slightly up at him. You hold your face in his hands, eyes flicking between his. He doesn’t look hurt at all, face free of any cuts or bruises. The sunken, hollow cheeks that you were used to holding were vibrate, skin clear of dirt and grime. “You look good, Jongho.”

“I’m happy you’re okay, y– Ladybug,” he almost slips up with your name, glancing at Chan. “He told me about your leg,” he glances down at said leg, frowning. “Why the hell are people trying to kill you? Did you really piss someone else off? You told me you’d try to stay safe.”

“And I am, Jongho. But we’ll talk about that later. Why didn’t you answer any of my letters?”

This time confusion covers his expression. “Letters?”

“Ah, we’ll wrap up this for now, yea?” Chan says, stepping closer to the two of you. You back up, moving your body in front of Jongho’s slightly. It’s an instinct of yours, one that doesn’t go away anymore. Chan cocks his head to the side at your protective stance, nodding slowly. “We should be speaking about strategy. Reunions can be saved for after you come with me. Our engagement has been delayed long enough, hasn’t it?”

You say nothing, not moving from Jongho’s side. Hongjoong clears his throat, clapping his hands to interrupt the awkward atmosphere. Yunho’s gaze moves to his, expression speaking to him without uttering a word. But he ignores it, tucking his hands in his long coat pockets, looking at Chan. “So you’re the commander. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he holds out his hand, “I’m Captain Hongjoong of the last Wysteria ship. The one that your people decided to destroy and take for parts, that is.” He holds a smile on his lips, but you can see the irritation between his words.

Chan takes his hand, shaking once before letting go. “I never thought I’d ever see you around, Captain. Frankly, I’ve heard a lot of negative things about you. Addicted to alcohol, never leaving that shabby Mav bar. Ignoring the pleas of your people to help them with their issues. A disappointment. Just a few of the complaints.”

Hongjoong doesn’t seem phased by his words, shrugging. “I’ve been called many things. A drunk is seemingly minor in comparison to everything else.” He stretches out his neck. “Nevertheless, I could care less frankly, about your human problems. We have bigger issues to handle, yes?” he glances at Yunho. “Yunho has told me that you’ve threatened to terminate our colony because there is no clear leader in sight, and the one that humans acknowledge has yet to appear. So, here I am,” he gestures to himself, spinning slowly on his heels. Yunho doesn’t bother hiding his dismay of Hongjoong’s gestures. It would poke anyone in charge, the lack of respect and dignity. You’ve known Chan for a while, and he hates to be made a fool.

You look at Chan, his jaw clenched as he watches Hongjoong spin. You tug Jongho closer to you as he’s distracted with the leader’s antics, pulling him into the corner with Wooyoung. Said Mavian watches the both of you, nodding at you lightly as you look at him. You don’t have to say the words and you thank him for that, Wooyoung motioning to Mingi to stand on the opposite side of Jongho.

Now that you have your brother, nothing is tying you to the surface. To Chan. Not even your parents, who you’re a bit curious about. But that’s a later worry. Now, you stand there as Hongjoong, Yunho, and Chan speak.

“We just needed confirmation that you’re alive and well. I can see that you’re alive. But well,” Chan laughs. “You’re but a fool. I’ll have to discuss this with my superiors to see how we should handle this situation. As I can see from your words and actions, you don’t take your role seriously.”

Hongjoong’s carefree smile slips away insanity, his expression hardened. “You’re only a henchman in the scheme of things. I have no need of trying to convince you how good of a leader I am. And neither does Yunho. Are you afraid that because I don’t kiss your ass, you can hold anything against us? We aren’t afraid of humans, Commander. The opposite, in fact.” He chuckles dryly, rocking on his heels. “You’ve forced a population of caring Mav underground, beneath millions of humans that reside just above. Did you expect us to just follow every rule that you’ve laid out? To wallow in our sorrows for centuries until the last of us breathe our dying breath on this wasteland you call Mavian territory? Are you that naïve? That dim?”

“Hongjoong, please mind your words,” Yunho says quickly, eyes flicking to Chan. “I apologize for his insults. He wasn't ill-minded, just worried for the survival of our people. That is all.”

“He isn’t sorry for his words, Yunho. No need to apologize for him,” Chan moves forward, their eyes leveling with one another’s. “Is that a threat, Captain?”

“Not a threat, Commander. A promise. We don’t take kindly to you attacking one of ours, you see. We promised peace, unless there is a breach of trust,” Hongjoong’s eyes flick to yours. “Yes, I’ve been in the dark on several important events recently. But I am anything but a fool. I just have a question for you. Why would you raise an arrow to a woman that you’re engaged to?” He raises a brow.

Chan raises his brows, eyes in shock. “Why would I do such a thing?”

“Don’t feign innocence, Chan,” San says. “We caught the Mavian who attempted to kill our Peacemaker. One thing we Mavian do is tell secrets. We know that you hired a small group to come and attack the manor. Unfortunately, you underestimated our abilities. So you’ve either made a mistake, or you want us to find the arrow that has your last name carved into its stem.” San holds up the arrow that injured Seonghwa and yourself, balancing it between your fingers.

Jongho hasn’t said much since he was silenced, but you can hear a low breath fall from his lips. You clench your fists, holding in your anger. San looks back at you, nodding slightly. You know that your Fates can feel how you feel. It’s an invasion of privacy at times but right now, it calms you a bit. Knowing that at least four Mavian in the room could tell how all of this is putting you on edge.

“I don’t have time to be put on trial by any of you. If any of your fingers touch my skin in the slightest, the military will swarm this manor and kill every Mavian inside. And I’m sure you care more about your people than a silly human that I’ve planted to spy on you all for me,” his gaze moves to you. “It’s time to go, peacemaker. You’ve spent plenty of time down here, entertaining these creatures. You’ll be much safer where your kind are.”

You don’t move, even as Chan takes a step to you.

“I told you Chan. I would only go with you if I wanted. But I don’t want to, okay? You gave me that choice.”

Seonghwa has somehow made it across the room, his hand resting on his cloaked knife strapped to his thigh. Chan scoffs, eyes moving between you and him. “Have you threatened her? Touched her and put one of your silly spells on her so that she trusts you?”

"We wouldn't lay a hand on her if she didn't desire it," Seonghwa says, eyes narrowing. "What other lies have you been telling? She does not want you, Commander. She has chosen to stay here with us."

"With Mavian? You disgusting parasites seem to only burden us. Why would she want to stay here?" Chan notices the way you move closer to Seonghwa, your hand wrapped around his sleeve. As if you're stopping him from moving further. "Oh? Have you already sullied her? Were you so in need of a female mate that you fucked the first one you saw?"

A low rumble from the opposite side of the room makes you turn. San’s eyes are narrowed into slits as he stares at Chan. “Speak of her with respect, Commander.”

“Respect? Respect?” He laughs dryly. “She’s barely out of the slums. Only takes showers when she can, feeds on scraps left from the brothels she worked at. Why would a commander like myself even give her the least bit of respect?”

“As San has said, watch your words commander,” this time, Yunho speaks up. He’s not one to project his feelings but you can see how his eyes burn amber, his anger barely coming to the surface. “You’ve placed her in our care. She is a part of this manor, and we all treat each other with care and kindness. If she desires to stay behind, then we should accept those wishes.”

Chan shrugs, hands slowly reaching for his cellphone. He presses the first number on the speed dial, placing it on speaker.

Yes, commander.

“Weapons on stand-by. Fire on my command.”

“Chan, what are you doing?” You say, stepping forward. Seonghwa holds you back, his glare frightening. “Stop this, just stop.”

“Stop what? I told you before Lady. I get things that I want. If I have to take extreme measures to do so, then I must.”

“You can’t do all of this over me–!”

“But I can,” he says simply. “I told you I will have you. And why wouldn’t I kill them? They touched you without your permission, their rebel groups almost killed you. You were barely standing when I got here. I brought Jongho here, thinking that they’d take pity on you, seeing you reunite with your brother. But instead, you surrounded me with your whole main clan. Even bringing the former leader to threaten me into submission. What else could I do but kill them all to prevent their ideals from reaching other Mav? Their deaths would be justified. I wouldn’t be suspected of anything but desperation and a need to help another human. I would be rewarded for stopping another Mavian invasion. Everyone will worship the ground I walk on,” his smile grew wide as he talked, eerie against his face as he stared at you, his eyes wild. “And I will have you at my side.”

“You’re deranged,” Mingi lets out, eyebrows furrowed. His lips form into a straight line. “You are completely out of your mind.”

“Am I?” Chan purses his lips. “Why don’t we see how deranged I can get?” He glances down at his phone, “Arm weaponry. Aim on the count of three. Fire when commanded.”

Affirmative.

“Stop this Chan!” You cry out. “We can figure this out.”

“Three,” he starts, a smile still on his lips.

“Chan!”

“Two…” he drags it out a bit, reveling in it. “One…”

“I’ll go with you!” You finally say.

“Disengage,” Chan says finally, “I’ll call you back if needed.” he ends the call, tucking his phone back into his pocket. He laughs loudly, pushing his hair away from his face. “Now that was easy, wasn’t it?”

“You can’t go with him,” Seonghwa hisses, staring down at you. Completely disregarding Chan standing on the opposite side of the room. “Are you the one we should be worried about? You must be mad if you think that we’d just give you to him.”

“You said it was my choice, Hwa,” you let the nickname slip. It doesn’t phase him, his eyes still sharp as they meet yours. “And this is my choice. I’ll go with him. I’m not going to let any of you die just because I want to be here. That’ll be selfish of me, won't it?”

“Please reconsider,” Mingi says softly from behind you. “We… you’ve become a pivotal part of our lives, Lady. Seeing you in a place you will suffer will only torment us all.”

“It seems like you need to have a family meeting yes?” Chan interrupts, wiggling his brows at you. Your saddened expression has no effect on him as he sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “I suppose I should be kind enough for you to stay for another night. I’ll be here at dawn to pick you up. Don’t be late,” his carefree gaze disappears. “We wouldn’t want anything happening to your favorite Mavians because of a simple mistake. See you soon.” He leaves, no one following him out. All of their gazes are on you as the door shuts behind Chan. Wooyoung is the only one to watch from the window as Chan gets into his car, leaving the property.

Surprisingly, Seonghwa doesn’t move from his stare down. You ignore him, rubbing your face. You have one more night here. One more night where things aren’t too bad. At least your brother is fine. Chan kept his promise, Jongho is safe.

“Why does he want me so badly?” you mumble to yourself.

“y/n what’s going on!” Jongho says, grabbing your arm. “Chan told me that you two were to be married. I've already moved our things – which wasn't much anyway, into his home. And that all we need is you," he glances at Mingi staring him down.

"I've never agreed to marrying him, Jongho. I told him I'd think about it. I never told him yes."

He shakes his head. "But he said they hurt you–"

You frown, furious. "They've never touched me in a way I didn't want them to. He's been manipulating you to get to me. I–" you close your eyes, trying your best to calm your anger. It's not enough though, the flames seeming to burn through your body, ignite even further. “I want to kill him.”

“Then we kill him,” Yeosang speaks up, his deep timber still soft. “When he comes for you tomorrow morning, we strike him dead. It is as simple as that.”

“That’s too big of a risk,” Yunho sighs loudly, glancing at Hongjoong. “Our leader here might have set him off just a bit, but I have a strong feeling that Chan was going to threaten all of us anyway. He must have suspected that you didn’t want to come to him. He has the advantage at this point. He has the weaponry to wipe out our manor with the snap of his fingers. There’s little we can do.”

“I told you, I’m going with him,” you insist.

“You’re not going with him,” San says again. “I told you that already. Stop saying that.”

“What do you expect me to do then San? Sit here on my ass and let you all die because I’m being selfish?”

“Then be selfish! Be selfish for one moment in your life!” Seonghwa shouts at you. Mingi stands, moving closer to you. He meets his gaze, and Seonghwa only frowns. “I’m not going to hurt her, Mingi.”

“Lower your tone,” Mingi says simply. Seonghwa swallows harshly, glaring at your for another moment before turning on his heel, stomping out the room. The door swings harshly, Hongjoong moving out the way and narrowly missing the wood. It rattles against the painting sitting on the wall, the glass encasement shattering. You jump, Jongho gripping your hand and pulling you closer to him.

“He’s just upset, we have to give him time,” Yunho says. “Right now… I don’t think we have a choice. Lady, I’m sorry that you’re being put into this position of having to choose. If it was in our favor, I would have killed him without so much as a thought. But there’s a bigger picture here. You do understand that, right?” There’s something in between his words as he looks at you. You’re not sure if he’ll ever bring up the connection you two have, almost dismissing it when you entered. But you can see it now in his eyes. His gaze deep with melancholy. “Before we leave, I’ll try my best to save you from your fate.”

“When I leave…” you start, looking down at your brother. No matter how much time has past, you can only see the little kid you took care of since you could talk. The wide, innocent eyes, previously free from the horrors of the real world. They’re hardened now, stained with losing his childhood too soon. Above all, everything you’ve done was to make sure he was safe. “When I leave, protect him. Make sure he’s not targeted or hurt in anyway.”

He laughs dryly. “I’m not leaving your side, I’m not letting you go through this alone. Fuck no.”

“Hey,” you nudge him. “You’re old enough to separate from me. It was your birthday a few days ago, wasn’t it? You’re 18. You don’t need me next to you every second, you know.”

“You’re contradicting yourself. I’m old enough to leave your side but not old enough to make a decision on my own? I’m not a fucking kid, y/n!” His hands tighten into fists, but he takes a breath. “I’ve been away from you for over two months. Two months without a word from you. Nothing. I thought that you might have died, or worse.” He looks down at you, eyebrows twitching. Preventing himself from crumbling in front of you. “But I listened to every word you told me. I read your letter you left under my pillow, and after a month I left our home. I told our parents that I won’t be coming back, but they were too drunk to even care. You know they didn’t even ask what happened to you? Not one word.”

“You know how they are,” you say softly, and he nods.

“I do. But if I knew you were going to go out there and sacrifice yourself to a man who doesn’t have enough balls to get someone who actually wants him, instead of forcing himself on a woman he hasn’t seen in years…” He shakes his head. “I’m not leaving your side again, y/n. I didn’t even want you to come down here,” he gestures to the men around you. His expression softens slightly. “But from what I can see, they were taking care of you. I haven’t seen you look this healthy in a long time,” he admits. “You really think it’s a good idea to go to Chan now?”

“No,” Wooyoung interrupts, “Sorry to break this up, but it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. And ingenious,” his grin widens. “Convince the human that you want him, and then kill him. The perfect crime. Mavians won’t be at fault for it, and you can come back down here once you’ve assassinated him. We are going to leave this planet in the next few days, anyway,” he shrugs.

“Way to tell her the plan,” Hongjoong frowns. “Isn’t this too much fuss over one human? Why do you all care so much?” He looks in each of your faces, stopping on San. His eyes narrow slightly, glancing between you and him. “Unless…”

“It’s none of your concern, Hongjoong,” Mingi says sharply. “I agree with Wooyoung. Maybe not so much in the killing part, but there must be a way for you to get away from him. We need to come up with a plan.”

“When you do, let me know,” you tug on your brother’s hand, pulling him with you. “Right now, I want to bring my brother to the room he’ll be sleeping in while I’m gone.”

You brush past San, ignoring the shivers that roll through you when your skin touches. Jongho looks at the rest in confusion, the door slamming behind you. You pull him through the hallways, and into your room, shutting the door lightly. Your gaze meets his, relaxing.

“Are they always that tense?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“No, they’re not. Just when it comes to important decisions. You’ll like them, Jongho. They’re all kind. Even Wooyoung, just don’t fall for his tricks.” You sit on the edge of your bed. Jongho slowly sits at the small table just across, glancing around the area. It reminds you of when you first got here, your eyes full of awe. His eyes are wider, wonder in his gaze. They finally flick to yours, expression resolute.

“Will you come back for me?” he asks. There’s so many questions in that one, so many things to say and not to say.

You look down at the floor, “I don’t know if I’ll be coming back this time, Jongho.” It’s hard to admit. You don’t know what Chan’s plans are when you arrive, if he’s really this obsessed with being with you, or if there’s an underlying plan. You don’t know what happens when you leave this manor behind, or if you’ll ever see any of them again. There’s a lot you’ll be abandoning. Perhaps listening to Yeosang’s advice in the beginning could have made all of this less hard than it is. “I don’t know.” you repeat softly.

“Will you try?” he asks. “I don’t want to be in a safe place when you’re not, y/n. You’re my sister, you’re…” he struggles. “You’re my only family. You are what our parents weren’t. I know it’s not what you asked for, and I’m sorry for being a burden on you. And you’re never selfish in your wants so I don’t want to ask you this. But I want you with me. I want you to be safe with me. We’re supposed to be together until the end,” he says simply. You walk over without hesitation, wrapping your arms around his head and pressing it into your torso. He holds you tight, fingers digging into your shirt. “Promise me that you’ll at least try for me.”

“I’m going to try my best to come back to you,” you promise, voice cracking. “Fucking hell, Jongho. Why were we giving the short end of the stick?”

He laughs, this time genuine. “You must have tripped someone by accident and they put a curse on you. Everything that has the potential to go wrong does,” he pulls away slightly, pursuing his lips. “But what’s with you and the Mavians here?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he lets go completely, glancing at the door. “You already have the commander obsessed with you. Why are most of them a little into you?” He raises his brow. “Did you flirt with them so they won’t hurt you?”

“Jongho!”

“The dirty tango?”

You hit him lightly and he laughs, pushing you back. “What! I’m your brother, of course I’d notice these things.”

“What happened to them?” you asked after the laughter subsided. He sighs softly.

“They got themselves in deep shit. Debt that I couldn’t possibly pull them out of. I left them behind y/n. I know that it wasn’t the best decision to make, but I wouldn’t have been able to help all by myself. We tried all our lives and have barely been making a dent in their loans. I couldn’t handle it after dad came after me and begged for something. I just…” he frowns. “That was when I listened to your advice and left. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect them like you did. I tried, I really did.”

“I know,” you ruffle his hair, “There’s nothing you could’ve done. I would’ve probably done the same thing like you. We’ve been protecting them all our lives, Jongho. I know we appreciated what they tried to do, but it didn’t work. They needed to learn how to take care of themselves. We have lives to live. They already had their chance. It’s okay to feel bad, but don’t let yourself get lost in it. You have me. And I’m going to fight to get back to you.”

He smiles softly. “That’s all I wanted.”

–

You let Mingi show Jongho around the manor shortly after that, said Mavian telling you that Yunho wants to see you alone. You’ve been agonizing over the thought of being alone with him. You know nothing about Yunho; he only shows you what he wants to. The others must have scattered soon after you left though, not one trace of any of them in the hallways. You’re a bit glad about that, at least. You already have other things to deal with than somehow stumbling into another one of them.

You knock on his office door, entering. He sits at his desk, a quick glance at you letting you know it was okay to go inside. You close the door behind you, sitting at one of two chairs in front of his desk. He tsks at documents in front of him, not saying anything to you. Almost fifteen minutes go past like this, not one word uttered from either of you. Finally, you decide to break the tension, speaking.

“Haven’t you been a bit harsh on him?” You ask, Yunho hesitating in his writing. “Hongjoong, I mean. I know that you have a history I have yet to find out–”

“I’m glad that you know. That should stop you from saying what you’re going to add next, then,” Yunho interrupts you, continuing to sign his signature on paperwork. You go silent, only the sound of him flipping through paper after paper, stack after stack. He glances at you for a quick second. “Is that all?”

“Why? Should I say anything else? Because it seems like every time someone tries to speak to you, you dismiss their concerns and input your opinion before hearing everything else.”

His lip quirks slightly. “Is that what you believe?”

“It’s what I’ve witnessed, Jeong Yunho.”

He finally stops writing, and meets your gaze. He’s always been cheerful in his appearance, his real emotions hidden from you. Even now, as he stares at you. “Then tell me y/n, this miraculous conclusion that you’ve come up with, seeing me interact with the other’s for less than two months.”

“That you’re an amazing leader, with talents that supersede any other people I’ve come across. But you’re insensitive, arrogant, and an asshole,” you say. He scoffs, about to speak but you continue. “And you consistently interrupt every single person that speaks to you. You place your unwanted and frankly, offensive, opinions on us and expect us to just fall in line because you’re the leader of this clan. Sure, you listen once every blue moon. But most of the time you don’t. Even right now, you brought me into this office of yours because you wanted to see me and you haven’t said anything to me! I don’t understand you.”

“I was going to speak to you after finishing my paperwork,” he says. If you could reach over and shake sense into him, you would.

“Then maybe call me to your office when you’re not busy ignoring me?” you suggest, scoffing. “The Fates definitely like to play games.”

“The Fates are never wrong,” Yunho says strongly. “It’s not something we can choose, y/n. And they don’t make decisions just to stir up drama. You’re Fated to several of us for a reason. You’re an important person in our lives, whether you like it or not.”

“There you go again!” You say, throwing your hands up in the air. “How about some compassion, Yunho? Of course I don’t want this, especially with someone like you, or Yeosang, or--”

“Yeosang?”

You stop moving. Shit.

He stands, coming around the desk. “Yeosang is one of your Fates? When did you think to mention this? Were you ever going to?”

You roll your eyes, “No. I wasn’t. Yeosang can do whatever he wants. Like he’s said before, I’m leaving soon anyway. There was no need to tell any of you because it is none of your business. Why did you bring me into this office, Yunho?” You try to push away the revelation that you suddenly sprouted onto him. He rubs his chin, leaning against his desk.

“I thought that if you were in my presence, I would feel something that tied us together. And I am correct, I do,” he looks at you. “I can feel your frustration toward me. You might not be able to feel much since you’re a human, but I can feel your emotions. I thought that I was angry at Chan, furious even when he was here, but it was a combination of your emotion and mine. All of this is odd,” he says softly. “But that has to be put on the back burner. Do you really believe that I have a lack of empathy?” his eyes meet yours. The flower tattoo; a small reminder of his position in the clan. Before knowing him you were afraid of his presence, but staying here for so long, getting comfortable, allows you to speak your mind freely.

“I think you have empathy, but you don’t know how to show it,” you say. “You have compassion, Yunho. I can see it in you. But you don’t listen to our feelings when we speak to you directly. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve seen you acknowledge what’s being said to you. When you spoke with Seonghwa, you ignored what he was telling you. He was basically laying it out for you, but you pushed him away. Like you do with me. Like San, like everyone you come across.”

“I understand,” he says softly. You see a slight break in his expression. “I don’t trust Hongjoong for several reasons, y/n. But I have distrusted him so long I don’t pay attention to the small improvements. Although his wording was harsh to Chan, I could see how it helped. Chan knows what we’re capable of, and that makes him afraid. Taking away you, someone we care about, may be a big part of him trying to break us apart. The meeting didn’t go exactly as I planned, but I am grateful for what I witnessed.”

He moves off the desk, a small smile on his lips. “It’s hard for someone in my position to tell my true feelings. At the forefront of my thoughts is the survival of our people. I haven’t taken time to cultivate personal relationships with everyone because I am too busy leading them. I may not be the Mav that you dreamed of being Fated to, not that you dreamed of it at all, but I do understand your concerns and try to improve. Being stoic towards our people will only push them further away from me. I am…” he hesitates. “I just didn’t want to turn into Hongjoong. I didn’t want the grief of losing 90% of our population to weigh on me like it has him. But going about it this way will not change anything.”

“Thank you for saying that. It’s not often people admit when they aren’t in the right.”

He smiles at you, “You’re definitely correct about that, peacemaker.”

“No need to call me that anymore,” you wave him off. “You’ve heard my name. My brother let it slip without thinking twice about it.”

“That he did,” he agrees, “But you still are our first and only peacemaker. Nothing will change that, not even the meddling of a pompous commander who thinks he’s above it all. I didn’t want to say it in front of the others but,” he rubs the back of his neck. “I’ll let you make the decision on whether you want to stay or go. But you know from Seonghwa. If something were to happen to you, we’d all feel it. It will be unbearable and painful, but we will survive it.”

“I don’t want you to just survive it,” you say. “Surviving isn’t living, not really.”

“Then that is too high of an order,” he says simply. “I have yet to feel the impact of you, but I will certainly if anything happens to you. Not as terrible as San, but I will feel it. You just have to make sure you make it back okay.” He smiles lightly. “At least in one stable piece. We will be there to help with the rest.”

-

You close the door behind you, closing your eyes for a brief moment. This was your decision. You know it’s for the greater good. To protect all of the Mavians and your brother. If kissing the ass of someone like Chan can keep them safe a little longer, at least long enough for them to leave the planet, then you’d do it. But you’ll try your best to get out of it quickly, for your brother’s sake.

For everyone’s sake.

Yunho mentioned giving Hongjoong a few letters since you’re passing by his room. You’d rather not, if you’re being honest, but it would be quick. Just in and out, giving him the stack you couldn’t read because it was written in Mavian (although, even in your language you’re barely able to understand it). You notice the absence of caretakers in the hallways; they evacuated everyone once Chan left, leaving only the main figures in the household. The house was quiet before, but you knew there were Mavians behind the scenes that made the house function daily. The quiet now only saddened you.

You knock on Hongjoong’s door lightly.

“Come in dear peacemaker,” his pitch was high. You braced yourself for the trauma that might’ve awaited you behind the door, swinging it open quickly. He sat on the bed, shirt lifted up slightly. You expected to see more markings on his skin, but these cover every surface you see, several different shapes meshed together. From far away, it’d look like he had a blackout tattoo. But as you moved closer, you could see the small markings. You’re sure if you stared hard enough, you’d spot familiar flowers.

“Like what you see?” He wiggles his brows. He chuckles lightly when you glance away. “Just kidding with you. Stare all you want.” He winces slightly, a bandage between his teeth as he cleans off a cut on his stomach. He’s good at hiding it; it looks deep, blood staining the sheets underneath him.

“Why do you have so many tattoos?” Letting the intrusive thoughts win. “Yunho has the leadership tattoos underneath his eye, but you’re completely covered with them.”

“It’s my people. Each and every one marks someone in our clan who’s alive and well. That’s why there’s hundreds of markings. Being a clan leader makes me carry the blessing of having every Mavian marking etched into my skin. Although, there is a small curse to it,” he murmurs, slowly pressing the bandage to his skin. “Each time a Mavian dies, I feel the pain of their death. It’s unbearable.”

“Is that…” You start, gesturing to the wound. He nods solemnly.

“It is. Hanse was a good one indeed. Gathered information without thinking twice about it, didn’t care about the risks. Unfortunately, he paid the price with his life,” he runs his finger along the cut. “They stabbed him.”

“How can you function, feeling everything they feel?” you ask.

He raises his brow at you, “Do you believe I’m functioning?”

You glance behind him, seeing bottles of liquor lining the window sill. You don’t have anything to say to that. “Yunho isn’t the leader yet, that’s why he’s not covered like you are. But what if you relinquished your role and gave it to him?” You told yourself you would just drop off the papers and leave, but you needed to know more. Maybe something would persuade Chan for a second before you killed him.

He furrows his brows, “No one has ever stepped down from leading out people. It is an honor. But in the case of me giving my role to him, maybe I’ll die, who knows.” He shrugs. “Better off than me leading our people into ruin again.”

“I don’t think you’ll lead them to ruin,” you say softly. “No one alive has felt the pain you feel. I can tell you love your people.”

He grunts, shaking his head. “You don’t even know me, little one. You weren’t there when I arrived on this planet, leading our people to doom. How can you judge someone you’ve barely known for two days, hm?” His lips curve into a light smile. “That’s a bit foolish of you.”

“If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have defended them so fiercely when Chan was here. You wouldn’t have come in the first place,” you point out.

“Ah, if only every human thought like you,” Hongjoong pushes his hair off his forehead, throwing himself back on his bed. “Maybe we would have been able to live in peace and harmony, as they say. A question for you, since you’ve been bombarding me with them.” His head flops to the side, eyes barely seen through his overgrown bangs. “Why are you so kind to me? I am sure Seonghwa must have insulted me each chance he got. Everyone else has, really. But not you,” his playful smile slips slightly. “Why are you kind?”

"I am kind to you because I know how cruel feels, Captain."

His lip curves slightly, “I can tell. Those eyes of yours have seen cruelty that no being should bear. It feels as if I’m looking into the reflection of myself. Only a pitiful, human version. I have a bit of advice for you, little one,” he swallows lightly. “Cherish your friendships with my people. Take care of them. Don’t let their harsh words get to you. The looks on their faces when you said you were going to San… It was like I was watching them a hundred years ago. Being told that we have to leave our planet. Their care for you is endless. Do make sure you come back in one piece.”

He pouts, “Or else I’ll go topside and drag you back myself.” His eyes flick to the paperwork you left on the side table. “Now would you be a darling and pass me that?”

-

You wake up in a sweat, your back burning. You try to hold back your screams, your fingers digging into your sheets as you feel a deep knife carving into the skin above your spine. Out of desperation, your hand trembles as it reaches for the side lamp, tipping it over. The crash echoes into the night and you gasp, feeling the blood soaking the blanket you're underneath. The door immediately slams open, a guard coming in unprompted. His eyes move to you immediately, widening once he sees the condition you're in.

"Peacemaker –"

"Move!" Several more steps come inside, your vision blurring as you begin to scream. Your body writhes in bed as San tries to hold it still, your tears hot against your skin. You can't say a word, the pain too overwhelming to bear. Your ears throb as he speaks to you. Jongho comes in after him. You don’t have the words to tell them anything, to insist that they not worry.

“Hey! Hey listen to me Bug, what’s going on?” His voice is terrified, hands shaking as he holds you in his arms. His touch feels scorching, each finger imprinting itself into your skin. You can’t tell him to let go, the pain unbearable to speak through. You turn to another, eyes begging for them to stop him. Your eyesight is flooded with tears, too blurry for you to make out who it is.

"Release her body!" You hear the familiar voice of Seonghwa, his frame slamming into San's, forcing him to let you go. Seonghwa almost reaches out but hesitates, pulling his hand back. "She was wincing in pain when you were touching her."

"What's going on?!" San's voice is panicked as he looks at you. "She can't move!"

"Stop yelling and think this through, San. I already called Wooyoung. He should be here promptly."

The pain is overwhelming, spreading through your body. You don’t get the chance to reassure them, passing out on the mattress.

-

"We should have known this was going to happen. She should have been sent away in the beginning so we didn't have to see her like this," Yeosang's voice whispers, almost low enough so you wouldn't hear. Almost.

"Not now. After she's okay we'll talk about it. Not now, Yeo," you can hear how his voice pleads, and you want to reach out and comfort him. You hate hearing San's worried voice. Whatever it is, whatever you're going through, you're sure it's an easy fix. As you regain consciousness their voices fade, the heavy weight against your back making you breath heavily.

"Be careful, you don't want to irritate your skin," San says. You feel his hands on your arms, holding you lightly. You open your eyes slowly. His eyes are swollen from crying, blood red as they stare at you. His smile is strained, dimple barely seen. He's trying his best not to make you worry, but it's no use. You place both of your hands on the mattress, shakily lifting your body up. The burning on your back is still there, just not as severe as before. You try shaking away the feeling, but it remains. A dull ache.

"Did someone try to kill me again?" You half joke, looking at him. He shakes his head.

"No. You've been in this bed for a while, want to freshen up? "

"Are you saying I stink?" You chuckle dryly, wincing. His irises shake, biting his lip. "Don't look at me like that, San. There's no need to pity me.” You think to your brother, the worried look on his face painful. “Where’s Jongho?”

"Mingi has him, Bug. He’s fine, we just let him walk for a bit to get some air. And it's not pity, it's fear. I worry for you. Too many times are happening all at once, and there's little I can do to stop it. I'm powerless," he confesses. "Utterly powerless."

"Shut up."

Shock crosses his face.

"I'm serious. Shut up," you move your leg, reminded of the arrow wound. You cuss, grinding your teeth together. "Fuck me," your voice shakes.

"I can try to bathe you here–"

"No, no. I'm fine." You wave him home. He still helps you stand anyway, taking most of the weight on him as he basically carries you to the bathroom. He kicks the door open with ease, placing you lightly on the toilet. He stands there for a moment, staring at you. "San, I can pee on my own."

"I know," you notice his gaze flick to the only window in the room. He's worried that someone is going to attack again. Your chest tightens.

"I'll be fine," you say. "No one is going to kill me in here. I'm sure all of you have secured the manor already."

"We did, you're right. I'm being silly."

"No, you're being safe. Thank you San. I'll yell for you if I need anything, really. No hesitation. A real promise."

He hesitates, then nods. "Okay, l’ll wait outside."

He shuts the door behind him and you shakily stand, locking it softly. Your eyes flick to you in the mirror. The eyebags are deep, drooping into your cheeks. Your cheekbones look almost hollow, eyes red as you stare at yourself. You turn around, reaching with trembling hands to lift up your shirt. Just above your waist on your back, you can see the start of what looks like plants carved into your back. Your fingers brush against a lower one, hissing slightly. It's a fresh wound. The dull ache is replaced by your sting of pain.

This is what made you pass out. This carving into your spine. You lift your shirt up further, the flowers resting with only an inch in between them. You swallow slowly, tears falling down your cheeks as the pain slowly comes back. You know where these are from. You've seen a few of them already. At the bottom rests the one that Yeosang has tattooed on the left side of his hip bone. And just above that is San's.

You're soulmates.

You drop your shirt back down, lightly touching each flower that's on your spine, counting softly. Seven. Seven flowers.

Seven soulmates.

No…

No.

You have to leave. Now.

Your body protests silently as you make your way to the window, unlocking and lifting it up slowly. It barely makes a sound, only a light creak echoing into the late night. You grind your teeth as you climb through, pushing it down slowly. There's only a matter of minutes before San realizes that you're gone. Not only from the silence in the bathroom but your presence being gone. He told you once before that he could feel when you're near. Unfortunately, it isn't the same for you.

You balance yourself on the roof, slowly making your way to the ladder just at the end. Ignoring the pain on your back, you struggle down. You hear a loud slam from the bathroom you came from, San's frantic yells muffled. He noticed too quickly.

You pick up your pace, dropping to the ground. An agonizing pain shoots up your back as you hold on your cries, unable to move from all fours on the ground. This is a stupid idea and you know it, but there's nothing you can do. You can't deal with it anymore. Three was pushing it, but seven? One you don't even know the identity of? Too much is happening at once and you can't control it like you used to. So you don't think of this as running away, but as a short break from them. A chance to figure things out on your own. Maybe leave early to deal with Chan. Anything but this.

Your feet cry out as you speed walk through pebbles, making it only halfway to the front gate when you hear a cough. You stop, slowly turning around to see who it is. Wooyoung stands there, head tilted slightly as he stares at you. The playful look you're used to is nowhere to be found, his eyes dark and expression solemn.

"Where are you going?" He asks simply, tapping his fingers against his sides. "The manor is locked down. If you touched a fence we'd be alerted. If you took one step outside the grounds we'd know. So where are you running off to, love bug?"

"Anywhere but here," you say, grinding your teeth as you attempt to hold yourself steady. "Don't try to make me stay."

He holds his hands up, shaking his head. "I won't. But I'm your caretaker love bug, and you're hurting yourself by exerting more energy than your body can handle right now. You're going to fall unconscious if you continue down this route. Don't you think you've done that enough?" He takes a step toward you and you shake your head, holding your hand out to stop him.

"No, no! Don't come any closer Woo. Don't."

"I'm not going to hurt you," His eyebrows furrow, worried. "You trust me not to hurt you right?"

"I don't want any of this," you say, biting your lower lip to hold in your sobs. "I don't want to do this, Woo. I just want to be normal. I want my brother to be happy and safe. I don't want all of this happening to me. I don't." You're begging him. Hoping he'd understand. Maybe take pity on you and let you run away. But he only moves closer, hands still up in the air. "Stop Wooyoung!"

"You're scared," he says softly.

"No–"

"You're scared of the unknown. Of what will happen if you accept all of this insanity that's going on. You're scared you wouldn't be able to handle it. You're scared that we're going to run away from you. That we don't care enough for you to deal with this shit that just seems to be endless. A never ending cycle of confusion and surprises."

"Wooyoung," you plead, slowly dropping to your knees. He continues moving closer, now only a foot away. "Help me."

He smiles sincerely, crouching down. He keeps his distance from you, pushing his hair away from his face. "Why don't we just sit here for a while, hm? We don't have to talk." His hand reaches out, brushing against your cheek. He confirms what you already know, the familiar hum of the bond as he strokes your skin with his thumb. You don’t push him away like he expects, leaning into his touch.

“I won’t leave you. Just don’t leave us. Not yet.” He rests his body against the grass. He doesn’t ask, not like the others would. He just pulls you into his chest, cradling your body as he covers you with his own. Cheek resting against your hair, hands wrapped tight around you. “Shh… it’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”

“I’m sorry,” you say through cries, your sobs making your words break. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“I know, y/n,” he murmurs. “But I’m here. You don’t have to run anymore. I know it hurts. Just don’t run anymore, okay?” His voice shakes as he speaks, hands shaking as they hold you. “If we can’t figure this out tonight, we have tomorrow, alright?”

He looks down at you, fingers brushing away your tears. “We always have tomorrow.”

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