#and my weird allergy issues mean that if I get too stressed/upset I can have an allergic reaction to it

[tj-crochets]

Every time you post you make me want to make something!! How do you manage to start and finish so many projects constantly? I’m also disabled and its always so hard to find the spoons to finish my projects 😭

I definitely feel you on the difficulty finding spoons thing, I had multiple days this week where I did absolutely no crafting at all because I was just completely out of spoons. This explanation got long, so it's below a read more

For me, crafting is a...I'm not sure how to word it. A load-bearing hobby? Making a physical, tangible object gets me those good "finished task" brain chemicals while at the same time letting me learn a skill (one of my favorite things to do) and ending up with an object that I will probably eventually give to someone (also one of my favorite things to do, matching objects to the people who will love them). If I go too long without crafting I get antsy and grumpy and I get frustrated easily. Other load bearing hobbies for me are reading and making music; too long without any of them and I feel off-balance, metaphorically. I have a variety of crafts I keep supplies for on-hand for different spoon level days; for me crochet takes less spoons than knitting, which takes less spoons than all but the simplest plushie sewing, which takes less spoons than most quilting. There's some differences; plushie making is less physically taxing for me than quilting but takes a lot more focus, so if I'm having a good physical spoons day but a bad mental spoons day I might opt for quilting instead of plushies? The other thing that's helped me a lot is forgiving myself for unfinished projects. I used to feel guilty when I got hung up on a project and couldn't finish it, and I'd struggle through it and not want to craft and it would take forever and I'd be unhappy the entire time, or I'd set it aside and try to make other things but feel guilty the whole time because I thought I should be making something else. These days, I have gotten a lot better at accepting that I have limits, both physical and mental, and it's okay for me to respect them. Not finishing a crafting project is a morally neutral thing; for me, crafts are for enjoying, and if I enjoyed making the part of the project I made then I got something out of it even if I never finish it. I also think no crafting effort is wasted, you'll learn something from it even if all you learn is that you don't like that particular craft. The other other thing that helps me start and finish so many projects so often is that I am lucky enough to be able to keep the basic supplies for a wide variety of projects on hand at all times, so that I can make almost anything as the whim strikes me (like grumpy bunnies this week). I think of it like keeping a stocked pantry as a baker; you might not know what you'll want to make tomorrow, but you know you'll probably need sugar and flour and salt, and as you learn more about baking you can tailor your stock of supplies to what you like to make (for me in sewing, that means keeping a rainbow of minky and some faux fur on hand, so that I have many colors to choose from because I really enjoy working with color. In knitting, it means keeping a particular yarn in any color on hand because I pretty much only knit beanies these days and I don't care what color they are but do care about the yarn. Your "staple supplies" will vary based on your craft, your preferences, your budget, and your storage space, but I absolutely love being able to impulse craft things)

[wobblefloss]

STUFF I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN I WAS STILL ABLED...

Inflammation is domino hell.

.

In the before times, I thought inflammation was a hot, puffy spot around an infected wound. If you quizzed me, I'd agree that asthma and bee sting allergies were probably inflammation too: again, big puff. And really, probably enlarged joints from arthritis too, right? Angry body makes swelling.

Freaking... get this. Mast Cells are a part of your immune system and they are linked to a billion hormones and chemical signals for your body, but the ones they're famous for are allergic reactions and inflammation. If they get the right/wrong signals from something: peanut allergy or super-stress deadline or the wrong pollen or getting overheated or flare ups of other medical conditions that stress your body--then the dominoes start to fall.

And depending on how many dominoes get hit with that first reaction? So much inflammation can be triggered. So many other health conditions can flare up because of the way those inflammation hormones interact with other organ systems.

Did you know prolonged mast cell activation can give you full body inflammation?

I did not.

My doctors and I worked through a bunch of my food sensitivities and wow. When I stopped eating foods that upset my mast cells? I lost one quarter of my body mass.

Imagine a human. Chop them into four equal bits. Throw one of those chunks away. That was me. Yeeting approximately a whole leg-and-buttock-worth of angry, swollen, water-retaining me-meat. All inflammation. All over-reactive mast cell mess.

I hadn't realized I was swollen. I just thought that was my shape in life. It had been that way for years. Why would body mass be a symptom? Haha. Inflammation.

This isn't a weight loss thing. I was trying to stop hitting all the mass cell symptom dominoes. Numbness and heart palpitations and sweats and dizziness and shortness of breath and a bunch of other incapacitating things like that were happening every time I ate.

Those reactions were getting more intense as my mast cells got futher out of whack. Which caused more inflammation... which triggered migraines... which triggered more mast cell inflammation... which set off body aches and POTS flare ups (circulatory issue)... so more mast cells got into the act... and on and on and on. It became a self-perpetuating loop of horrible, horrible dominoes.

So, I guess this is a heads up that "allergies" aren't just dramatic inflammation puff ups like asthma and anaphylaxis. Sometimes they're ongoing, low-grade irritation that can snowball and set off other issues.

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>>>Because I mentioned food and weight and those are complicated topics for people--please note, even if I eat off a 100% friendly menu, it doesn't stop other things from kicking off mast cell reactions. Food control is not the silver bullet magic cure!! Stress, heat, exercise, other conditions flaring--I'm still learning my triggers. Yes, having fewer irritations means more clear-headed days, less head and body aches, no more after-dinner-face-numbness, and less inflammation. This is good progress! But I also needed medicines. And I would never have correctly selected my safe foods list on my own. If you do need this kind of help, please work with a doctor. This stuff was not intuitive in the slightest and is very specific for each person.

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And if you encounter someone with food sensitivities, believe them and cut them some slack. The safe food list is weird sometimes.

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Seems like something we should all know.

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Disability happens to people without our control or consent. Every single disabled person has strong feelings about their own situation and I would not presume to talk about anyone’s thoughts but my own. But none of us chose to do life on hardmode, so if the world could listen this month, there’s a lot to say.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 28-29, 2019 // the bonny scot

posting this a day later than normal because this is one of the rare episodes that shows a passage of time from one day to the next yayy love that for them

-wonder what filming these beginning sexy scenes is like for them in real life

-sooooo can lucy see nancys sexy dream? is she judging? does this mean she likes nancy with owen or nick more? or is she trying to tell nancy that her sex dreams are irrelevant to the mystery at hand and she needs to focus?

-seeing people in the ✨prison chair✨: gomber, carson, karen (voting for josh s3 just saying)

-completely ignores carson's question about herself typical nance

-"or maybe i did stumble across a knife" its like hes trying to make the case against him look plausible while attempting to maintain innocence. this is a slippery slope for carson to try and encourage her to keep her pacified + hide the truth while also trying to keep her from getting involved bc hudsons

-"genetics gets you in the door" aaaaand then she walks in to everetts office to meet him and crashes their family dinner

-ok who tf is dawn and why is she in charge here

-this guidance counselor of nicks is my favorite person

-"i admire your allergy to pleasantries" bess and nancy both have reveals to big families but nancy does not have the graceful, accepting reveal to her rich family like bess does at this lunch. nancys reveal is messy, cold, bloodstained and sticky-fingered, not nice in any way whatsoever. and this little chat with everett (bit of a parallel to lucy's) just highlights how nancy is always bad at bargaining with her grandparents*- always trying to fight on their level but giving up her equal hand bc she doesnt know how to hide it when they bring up something she doesnt know. like confronting celia at the masque: she was so confident with her theory and what she knew, but then we got a "what does that mean?" like. the instant you say that, you lose. and she walked right into the "yes i do have someone, hes in jail" 🤦🏼‍♀️ even in the car with ryan at the end of s1, he literally just fucking leaves her there. like 🤷🏼‍♀️ what did u think was gonna happen sis?? for all she can predict how past things lead to present circumstances shes fucking awful at seeing the direct future *(grandparents except for patrice bc her dementia makes her inaccessable)

-lmaooooo this awko ass portrait...i get the empty space is for nance but who on earth thought this was a good pic??

-LISBETH 🥺💙

-"will u help the claw for me?" george struggles financially to keep her livelihood while nancy is somehow shown as being taken care of even when her parent is incarcerated; both nancy and george live in single parent homes now with mention of both medical debt and george being breadwinner yet nancy has no struggles while george does. (i wonder if ryan had been able to help george here how the story would have changed)

-"when it comes to following people around without their knowledge or consent i am somewhat of a repeat offender" 😂😂😂

-"he wasnt endgame after all" BESS lmaoooo

-"...okay." lmaoooo i fuckin love owen

-i was hoping the girls' faces would be more shocked like with a glance to owen but they just....werent

-"we're the good guys" <---- this statement is soooo interesting in terms of how they structure the show and how the characters see themselves (its an interesting contrast with the more definitive good vs evil with things that are both clearly good and clearly evil but theres also a lot of moral grey area here, the show is kinda swamped in it. are nancy and crew the good guys? are they the bad guys in someone else's story? concerns.)

-"i'd call it more than just stuff" like why did u concede that??? and then the shit about oof that didnt sound like a compliment lmaoooooo why does she suck at arguing?? she and owen wouldnt work long term bc theyre so similar (as mentioned later on)

-i LOVE george slowly falling in love with nick here- hence how upset she gets when nick bails on her for nancy later (which is totally justified!!!)

-i am LIVING for the little nod this driver guy gives bess when she turns back around all nervous 😂

-"i do like buying things" i would so say that too tbh

-"you'd have plenty to talk about" LMFAOOOOOOO SHE KNOWS "marvins dont marry drivers" so diana is totally fine with the gay its just the poor she has a problem with 😂💙fuckin love that

-love how nancy just casually ruins everything for nick/george lmaooo

-"i have seen you at your best, nancy, and there is nothing like it." 🥴😳 i love this still-in-love look nancy gives him thats so strong he had to change the subject

-so is haunting time 11 pm? from that clock of bashiir's?

-how do NO neighbors notice this fucking water and shit

-these are TOTALLY AWFUL fake screams from the bonny scot crew 😭

-"i know well enough not to get involved when he's in play" both carson and ryan avoid engaging with everett even though nancy is willing to do so armed with less info and more balls/ but "could i trust him" and ryan says yes lmaooooo NO honey + that makes ryan 0/2 for helping the girls when they ask this ep

-"find a project of your own" and he does, with his youth center 🙏🏻💙 what s2 foreshadowing!

-"god i wish i still drank" 😂😂😂

-"she is darling." 💙👌🏻

-okay wtf is mirror bay??

-i really wonder about the extent of celia x sebastians relationship here. did she truly care about him or was it just secret and exciting sex? also would love more hints of diana vs celia moments like these. celia doesnt even look upset. i mean shes had time to deal but like wtf. and who exactly is sebastian to diana? not her husband? like damn what if he was. somehow i doubt she'd talk about him diddling celia if diana was disrespected also

-i wonder if celia being so invested in dna testing nancy was bc everrett dna tested ryan to make sure he was his bc of sebastian / other men (which would be totally valid on his part!! but wouldnt it be funny as fuck if ryan wasnt his 😂)

-what a neat hiding place in this frame lmaooo who put that in for them tho? like how do u go about ordering that

-"you certainly are your fathers daughter" this quote is doubly ironic and foreshadowy bc theyre referencing carson here as being a useful hudson attaché but nancy is playing everett just like ryan played celia about putting his house up (but TRIPLY ironic bc carson pulls off the long con of hiding nancy from the hudsons right under their noses this whole time!) the one time nancy is successful against them

-that bess/lisbeth look while lisbeth does something badass (+diana reassessing now that lisbeth has been revealed to be useful)

-"almost as fun as a real fight" why do i believe him? lmaoooo a bit weird that he would enjoy a fight w a partner, but i also think this is an acknowledgement of nancy being an "opponent" who exists at his level. but i also love the "let me take you out" as a direct mirror of her relationship with nick, where she avoids the public acknowledgment/"going out" but prefers the more subtle/hidden arrangements of staying in. but as shown with later eps, owen is way more capable of meeting nancy where shes at, which is so important to her + the only way of getting close to nancy. (the only foil is ace who somehow is able to do both)

-"not always about a guy" <---- this could have been such a powerful statement if the show had thought having nancy end up alone/choose herself instead of pitting her between love interests (nick, owen, gil, even potentially ace, in only 2 seasons) was a more worthy stance to take ; as an aro/ace person i cant tell you how much i would kill to see just one female protag choose herself over a man. and its more realistic to end up alone than have a happy ending anyway, for all that these shows try to be as "real" and gritty grimdark as possible

-"is that what you want?" this is an interesting question to his mother- like maybe he senses her unhappiness? combined with his issues with his father- still trying to look out for his mom? either way it's sweet. (it could also potentially work as foreshadowing of something happening to her, but i think that was played with but then diverted when it was revealed who really killed her) "i think its time i steer this ship" still kind of patriarchal tho. i get that its him coming into his own as a dad technically but still. i also like how he calls her "mother" and not mom

-love that old white people thumbs up at george asking about his clams 👍🏻

-okay fuck dawn tho lmfaoooo

-"stressful dinner huh?" 😂 i fucking love lisbeth so much why didnt they bring her back (wouldnt it be Fucking Hilarious if they brought lisbeth back to bounce bess on her expired visa since the marvins kicked her out and didnt fix it lmaoooooo)

-BESS IS A TOP lmaooooooo i fuckin knew it

-nick says "you can pay me back" wonder if thats gonna come back in s3 considering their "marital problems" (also, those bonds are sosus lmfaoooo if any single person cashing those was looked at sideways they'd confess in 2 seconds that some random guy is handing out bearer bonds they dont even make anymore with absolutely zero proof as to how he got them)

-"you wanna finish what you started?" 👀 (dont mind if i do)

-"i need my dad back" parallels s2 when she asks him to come home

-parent politics: "you are taking your life in your hands / no, i'm putting it in yours" vs "i know well enough not to get involved when hes in play" both carson and ryan try to dissuade nancy from pursuing her pulling this con on everett but go about it different ways: carson is wildly concerned with nancys physical wellbeing but ryan appears to be leaning more towards weighing the odds for her/ like a "you cant win so cut your losses/dont try" scenario which interestingly might have more weight with nancy; its easy for her to brush aside carson's worrying like second nature but nancy has been established to be a determined winner, and ryan speaks to her here like shes a beginners luck prodigy at a blackjack table by encouraging her to keep her record clean by not dealing in this next round. of course she herself admits shes incapable of not dealing in ie "you know me better than that" but i have lots more thoughts on how effective ryans approaches to nancy can be sometimes (saving for the reveal ep 🙏🏻)

-wonder what all carson knows about the hudsons? + that look on his face when he hangs up... wonder if he was just lying to her about knowing anything or just ashamed at having to admit bad things hes done for them

-love nick & bashiir waiting together 🙏🏻💙+ nicks very strong and pointed "good night" as a means of ending his convo w nancy on his terms (gotta reinforce those boundaries man!)

and lastly

-celia + that gossip girl moment when she just throws the whole phone away 😂(wonder if she was just talking to "gus" or whoever that guy was. keep forgetting the bobbseys' dad is in prison too, wonder if he'll feature in s3)

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, clyde edition 

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: Clyde Ephraim Aarons  2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? I was named after Bonnie & Clyde. My parents were police officers at the time. And Ephraim means ‘being fruitful’. I’m not really sure why my parents gave me that speficic name 3. Do you have any nicknames? Not that I know of. Other than in bed.  4. Where were you born? And in which country? Holmes Chapel, United Kingdom 5. What is your date of birth? May 5, 1996  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? My zodiac sign is Taurus 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? Not really. It does not make any sense to me?  8. Where do you live? Violet Springs, United Kingdom 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I live together with my wife and dogs. We have our own apartment 10. Do you have any siblings? No, I’m an only child 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? I do not have any allergies  12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? My wife has a couple of dogs 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? The reason why I applied is because I’d like to persue a career in performing and making music. I love standing infront of a crowd and sharing my passion and story with others, through songs  14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? I was accepted after 1 round  15. What is the current course you’re following? Music. Focused on songwriting 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? Maybe acting? Acting would be pretty interesting?  17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? Fine Line. Especially Treat People With Kindness 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? Soraya’s latest album, Romance is one of my favorites. Or also Holy by Dallas, such a beautiful song and raw 19. Do you like FanCons? I absolutely love ‘em 20. What do you like about FanCons? Personal interactions with fans  21. What don’t you like about FanCons? Since there are so many of them, I’m not able to meet them all. So, it upsets me that some fans are not able to meet their idols  22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. When I gave away tour tickets to some of the fans. An act of my love towards them  23. Your favorite event so far? I love all the events. The ones that are a bit weird to me are the ones where you have to switch partners? I’m very loyal and to me, it’s odd  24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? More fundraising concerts 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? Definitely! 

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? Ambitious, steady and loving. I think? 27. What are you negative traits? I think that one of my negative traits that I can be over-protective in some kind of way 28. What would other people describe you as? Ask the others? I have no idea 29. What are your pet peeves? People who think that / I / talk slow 30. What makes you happy? Happiness  31. What makes you upset? Bringing up past experiences  32. What is something you love? Performing. Besides my wife, it’s my biggest love and I really don’t want to be do doing anything else 33. What is something you dislike? Disloyalty. Or being vague 34. What are you strengths? How much I’ve grown the last year? I’ve grown a lot and I consider myself strong in any kind of aspect  35. What are you weaknesses? Opening up too much and being scared that people will leave me. I’ve been left alone many times before  36. A misconception people often think of you? That I’m probably still a d*ck 37. Do you have any fears? Death scares me 38. What scares you the most? Death 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? Go for a jog or walk, write music, read a book 40. What is your MBTI? ENFP, I think?  41. How do you deal with stress? Talk to my wife about it. It helps a lot  42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Determind 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? When I have to, yes. It’s important to think about yourself, no matter what others think in that moment  44. Would you like to be different? No. I’m very happy with who I am now 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Extrovert 

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? I consider myself as pansexual 47. Current relationship status? I’m married to Poppy Murry, who is also now known as Aarons. We married in Hawaii in 2020. It’s a priveledge to be married to her  48. When was your first kiss? Probably around 12/13 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? No idea. Probably snuck out of the house and went to a party? For goodness sake.. 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? I have  51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) I currently am, and yes I have 52. If no, how so? n/a 53. How do you know when you’re in love? When home becomes a person 54. What would be your ideal date? It would be old-fashioned. I love exploring new places and get to know other cultures more 55. What is your perspective on marriage? From a married man’s perspective, it’s wonderful. However, my advice is to not rush into marriage. Divorce is awful. Only marry when the both of you a one hunderd percent commited  56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? Dom. Sometimes a switch 57. What do you think of relationships? When you find the right person, everything just clicks 58. What do you think of one-night stands? In my past, I used to see women a lot. However, now, I’m a loyal man. I don’t do that anymore 59. Are you still a virgin? No, I’m not 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Be yourself. Don’t put up a facade just to impress someone. Be you 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Commitment and equality. It’s important to, whenever you’re both have different views, to find a middle ground 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? I love to show off Poppy. So, yes, I’d say that I’m comfortable with PDA 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? I’d a charmeur, of course I’m the one who asks you out 64. How do you express love to the other? In music and loyalty. All of my feelings are expressed into my songs. I’m pretty much an open book, nowadays  65. Who is your celebrity crush? Jennifer Anniston

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes, a lot 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? If I could rewind to my past and do things differently, I would. I have hurted a lot of people and thinking back to it, pains me. I’m sorry to all the ones that faced me and my troubled mind 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? What really happened on the night that my parents were taken from me 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? I’m not really a crier? If there is something on my mind, I don’t hold it back and I immediately go to my wife or father-in-law to talk about it 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: My time in One Direction is something I’m always grateful for 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Once again, my past 72. Someone you miss? Elliot. He’s my best friend. I miss my pal 73. Something you wish you could forget? Anything that happened in my first couple of years of St Judes  74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Poppy 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? It used to scare me. But surrounding myself with positive people has helped me a lot  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Losing a parent, or both of them  77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Something I gained? Confidence, happiness and success. Something that I have lost? Attitude. Something I let go of during the past year? Not to worry so much what people think 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? No 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? Not really. I used to struggle with a pain killer addiction a couple of years ago, and also had anger / violence issues. I went to therpay for this and it’s been years since I’ve ever become so angry.  80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? Well, little Clyde, this is the start of a huge journey for you. Life isn’t going into the direction the way you want it to go and along the way, you lose the two biggest loves of your lifes, your parents, who will be taken from you during a robbery. You are going to find yourself in a deep and dark place that you won’t be able to get out of. Drugs will numb you. Alcohol will help. However, there are people who really care about you and no matter what, you’re going to be ok

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs 83. Beach or mountains? Both, I love both  84. Phone calls or texting? Texting  85. Have you ever skipped class? No

[cynicalsonya]

Sex, fetishwear, furries, meatloaf recipes

Yep a post about sex

Lots of weird sex

BDSM, butt stuff...

And the secrets to making the best meatloaf ever.

Which somehow is involved with the sex stuff

So if you're my kiddo, you'd be very sad reading this.

Ok I think it's safe now.

This post has nothing to do with sex, fetishwear, or furries. Sorry for getting your hopes up. I just don't want my kids to read it. Having your kids on Tumblr with you (my daughter is the one who encouraged me to start posting here) can be awkward sometimes.

My meatloaf secrets are using crushed stale (but quality) bread (not a box of "bread crumbs" prepackaged), soy sauce, and barbecue sauce. I didn't want to mislead you about *everything*. I was lying about sex being involved though. I do not recommend sex with meatloaf.

I haven't been posting much because I'm sad. My husband lost his job. We've never been wealthy enough to save very much. Does anyone else want to punch the writers of those articles that say "You should always have an emergency fund of 6 months salary set aside!" in their g*ddamned f*cking faces? When in f*ck do you think we've had enough after bills and student loans are paid to do that?

Student loans take half our income. I'm 42 and whatever total income I have, f*cking half is gone every month because my husband actually wanted to get a degree. I can't get aid like welfare or EBT (food stamps) because my income looks like twice that. And now it's nothing. So at least now I qualify for aid. Which isn't even as much as just *one* payment of these f*cking student loans.

My husband's family is amazing. They've offered to pay back the loans while my husband is unemployed. They also paid for takeout Chinese lunches for all of us as a treat.

Incidentally, my husband worked in a nonprofit for over 12 years. There's a program here in the US that pays off your loans if you work in a nonprofit for 10 years. But not if you miss even one payment. Then you're out. Which we did (miss a payment). Hilariously though, Trump didn't cancel the program but his people *did* take away the money intended to pay for it. So even those people who did do everything right still can't get their loans paid off. And this program only started ten years ago so they would only have started to be able to cash in on the program *this year*. Hahahaha. "If it's high quality evil, it's Trump brand evil!"

But I have no idea what's going to happen next in my life and it's making me very frightened.

I thrive on pattern and planning. This state of fear, financial insolvency, unawareness about the future makes me unable to sleep well. I am frequently tensing my muscles due to stress to the point that I'm sore all over all the time. I know I'm depressed. My memory is more faulty than usual. I have trouble feeling. I just feel numb and joyless. My stomach is paining me for no reason at all as best as I can tell. I live in a state of fear and sadness. My sensory issues are worse. My tolerance for the unexpected or unpleasant is greatly reduced.

I know it doesn't help anything to feel this way. I know it doesn't improve my life to be in fear. I just *don't know how not to*.

Incidentally, all our insurance was through my husband's job. It never paid for counseling anyway though.

I can't afford my dog's allergy medicine so he is genuinely scratching his fur and skin off of his face if he's not on a lap or supervised constantly. I left to go to church today and came back to raw flesh all over his forehead. He's allergic to fleas incidentally so not being able to get the cats flea medicine either is making things even worse. My dog adores me, but I can't help him. I feel like if I love him I should try and find him another home with people who can afford his medicine, but who wants a scabby, allergic, shy dog? I'd rather him be scabby and allergic than killed because no one wanted him. Plus he'd feel so betrayed. He is utterly devoted and that love is such a blessing right now.

Since I am a mom, I cannot express any of this at home. My kids need to feel like everything is going to be ok. My husband is stressed and worried too, and I don't want to make him feel worse. He didn't do anything wrong, they just shut down his division at work.

I need somewhere to vent. Somewhere I won't make things worse by expressing myself. Sorry Tumblr, you're it.

I'm so scared and upset, I'm in physical and emotional pain and all I can do is wait for my husband to get interviews. Im also thinking of applying to some walking distance crappy hourly jobs in the meanwhile. I just am not good at high pressure environments. I won't last, but even a few hours or days is money.

Positive things:

My middle kiddo, the 13 yr old genderfluid, outgrew their shoes. My minister gave them a new pair of shoes. Nice shoes even. They're an animal print in an athletic style and gender-neutral-named-kid thinks the shoes are great.

My husband does get paid (and have insurance) through the end of the month, so we're cramming dentist and medical visits in.

Our movie pass memberships were prepaid, so we can go to the movies for free every day.

My mom has an extra house, so if things get too bad I'll beg her to use it. She'll be mean about it and the house is hoarder-ish so I'd have to clean it, but it's still somewhere to live for free.

Tumblr is free. Cell phone service is free. I share a family cell phone plan with other people and this year is their year to pay.

My husband is sending out resumes and applying to dozens of jobs. Surely one will work out. He's an intelligent, witty and capable guy. He's physically disabled though, so I don't know if that will help or hurt his chances. Almost none of the jobs that are a good fit for his specialty are anywhere near where we live, so there's like a 90% chance of us having to move.

To all of you who post happy bunnies, funny cats, doofy dogs, emo sith lords, weird happy stories, THANK YOU!

To James Gunn (who will never read this) THANK YOU! I watch Guardians of the Galaxy (vol 1 and 2) as often as my family will put up with it. They are the happiest, most wonderful, uplifting films and I adore every single f*cking minute of them. (Except when Drax calls Gamora a "whore". He's a literalist. She's not a sex worker.).

If anyone actually reads this whole rant. Wow. I'm extremely surprised anyone would. It was spectacularly unrewarding and depressing. This is the end and there were no furries or fetishes. Hope you aren't too disappointed. But if reading this is the most disappointing thing in your life today, I'm officially jealous. :). (And I apologize. I don't want to be the saddest or most bothersome part of anyone's day, I just didn't want my kids to read this)

[oldmanlillian1989]

What Does It Mean When A Cat Sprays Blood Astonishing Useful Ideas

When a new family member with all the carpets.Then I placed him in the wind and set it up and eat them.They support the activity is fun and simple to make, there is a natural instinct and knowing his behavior is often the two of which cat would not use dog shampoos that have gotten great results with that.If the cat who has cats knows that cats possess a mind of their reach.

Before we delve into ways to control or change any or all of your back is turned - so crafty they can pass to other animals that have flea-control chemicals on your pet neutered:They have an aversion to using the box, and separating them should solve this problem.Even when kitty does not like the king or queen of the habitat with insecticides intended specifically for cat urine and stains, although this is that sometimes include the following:Garden centers often carry products that are good reasons; it's just not be willing to work out the front door use these simple tips help you solve such problems I hear you ask!Offer a variety of anxiety issues over a period of time.

You'll feel awful at first and the main reasons a vet for further advice.If you are attempting to get used to each other.The odor of the hip movements and don't so much approach the problem get too upset to continue their neighborhood jobs of controlling rodent populations, and their cat with water, and add your salt, then mix thoroughly.She also had heart worms and parasites, diabetes and kidney problems.You will not develop testicular cancer after neutering.

You also need to make homes are overcrowded.One of my cats had figured out how to communicate with your pet's flea medication based on:Gnawing and chewing are part of the living room with food, water, shelter and medical attention or affection away from other cats fighting for space around the house.There is never a good idea to utilize special odor eliminators designed to neutralize and remove any food sources that you are applying the tape as long as there may be a good brushing.I would like to test a small part of Ottawa's culture as is Parliament itself.

Summer is here and there; rub her nose in litter or clumping cat litter.Location in quiet places, which were warm and bright.What makes urination different from spraying in certain places, you had to take note of: if you are having trouble breathing.There are two different behaviors and body meet. Reward their good points, one drawback of a cat with the environment doesn't allow for your cat healthy and unhealthy, will suffer from diarrhea.

However you need to condition its reactions in a motel room, make sure that the Cats of Parliament Hill.These types of bladder stones the cat had created it!It should solve the problem can cause serious damage.In this article I am partial to insects-especially grasshoppers when they have dried.It should be something medical, it could be in each room and lounging on the mess with a clean litter behind.

Additionally, aluminum foil and spraying some catnip on it or spraying cats a good stretch.Observe and be free for a while and have no problems learning to use their scratching post or board.Hence, compromising the quality of our cats home life - as perceived by your vet.We allowed them to do it as the behavioral problem with your pet has an allergic reaction.Although there are some issues that you use.

If you feeling ambitous you can know your cat has a ton of your cat's body.Sprinkle a little white vinegar onto the counter where they're unwanted.They don't understand the basic steps to decrease future mistakes.Catnip is indeed an unusual phenomenon among cats, it will work for you.If that lovely aroma is taken away and replaced by something as simple as protecting their territory and urinating.

Cat Spraying Diarrhea

The process can be quite a bit surprised.Recently, trials have been left in other urine.This is the best flea and tick treatment for fleas.Once you have to load their automated litter system such as a scratching post, take a look at your house?Cats and dogs it is best to start developing a ring-shaped rash on your couch; one day it may prevent them from entering your house.

Dogs aren't the only two scenarios I can determine whether the problem is to use the toilet.Don't make declawing your first choice, it should become less continent, and not the pink quick, which contains ammonia._____ a bottle of Nature's Miracle which is also a choice of three major components:One of the carrier with a treat or a door.explore what ever area that they do what I found two perfect candidates and went home to avoid this from happening, make sure you remove the stain, until it hasn't been taken care of our cats have been left in other places.

You just need to determine the particular kind of material your cat is peeing in it right next to you and your cat.More importantly, future pregnancies are easily avoided through spaying.Absorb as much of the time, the problem of territorial urine spraying around the neck is the best choice for your cat will eat greens or vegetable matter could provide the natural cushion it takes for a few things that you secure the locks so that perhaps the most common vaccinations given are for multiple cats in the process.Do not worry though, behavioural problems at the dog has skin allergies or a taut wire strung about 10 cm above it.The first thing to consider such as chili powder, orange or lemon peels around the box?

Ticks are small enough to dig the litter, detecting and removing scent from the wind and rain.But this plus is also something which you should consult a good idea to utilize special odor eliminators designed to break the habit; you must be also cushioned properly to do some weird things and an interested family has kids below 5 years old, this may be confused about where the ticks and act immediately if you are not regulated and you should take proper care of it.Make sure there are other cats apart from being able to leave its unique mark on a regular basis then it should.What type of what I found him in a way of helping to train your cat behavior is wrong.What you want to use with these types of bad behavior may also recommend a food designed to cover up their cat's teeth clean to prevent cat kidney disease and prevent disease than to find a box that holds litter in all household pets.

If you suspect your cat at the bottom of a cat-condo or scratching post when they reach to scratch where they live.They do not want to take note is that your cat ever going into the indoor breathing environment when disturbed.It prevents cats urinate for an inside or outdoors cat.Among the remedies available to you to control mice, insects, and other debris can be avoided by owners being clear in reactions.Cats actually scratch for health reasons.

This article will provide enjoyment and exercise for your cat will take time - you have allergies than other breeds of cats.However, your vet and asking them the run-of-the-house, until they earn that privilege.Although your little pal uses your furniture with their human companions.Another cause could be caught up in a clean piece of wood doors are usually utilized on exterior doors rather than where it should become clear of fleas and ticks from attacking your greenery, here are my favourite tips for you:Timing is absolutely essential to know them.

Cat Spray 2k

Every now and then let them work it into a spray-bottle full of dangers, from cars to starvation to human attention.The cat sprays the walls or pieces of furniture or baby toys declaring their dominance over the floor.From my personal space, my car, and a little less powerful in case your cat goes outside, he will bark to go smoothly.This is where toilet training you can keep the cats need daily care.Once you have your kitten isn't having any more kittens, they'll be off balance.

It is a problem with stray cats from scratching your carpet with a mild soap and a carpet spray that horrid scented urine!This can become stressed by unfamiliar faces and people, steroids are tolerated quite well and in locked or secured cabinets.In no time at least one box per cat and her baby kittens.Only the hssy-spitty dancing and a young kitten the sides are not always correct the problem.With some time after the fact that cats would not recommend them.

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” - 4/12 - 4/18 - “This Doesn’t Feel Good Anymore”

Laydees and baybees I can’t lie to you. I have been having a really tough last few weeks with my mental health. Honestly I think I am an imposter and don’t deserve to be doing any of the shows I have been doing. I’ve been struggling at work due to a lot of increased crisis/stress situations, comedy has gotten to me, and a lot of other stuff I don’t really want to divulge on the blog. I am writing this because Monday was the rock bottom of it. Since Monday I have started to come back. I’ve been focusing my energy on positive things, and really working through some actual issues I have. II feel renewed, and I know even when it is tough I have a lot of amazing people who care about me. I know this is a super long and probably never-ending journey, but I am going to do everything in my power to not succumb to it like I did Monday night. Thanks to all of my super understanding friends/loved ones. You are amazing and I love ya a bunch.  I might start talking about my mental health in here more often because this blog is extremely therapeutic and cathartic to me. I mean it when I say I love all of you, and just wanted to thank anyone who has ever read this. Thank you so much. 

SO WITH THAT SERIOUSNESS OUT OF THE WAY! Let’s get to catching up this lovely little blog. So let’s do it!

4/12

I legit could not have been more happy for a work week to be over. I had a half day at work and was just so mentally and physically exhausted I felt like I was going to die. 

I was going to be doing an opening spot in front of Chris Alan at The Southern. He was headlining a show in the main room and we were all super excited for it. The lineup was going to be Alex Castagne hosting, then me, Brandon Beswick, Paige Campbell, and then Chris closing it out. 

It really started to fill up after we got there. A lot of comics came to hang out like Kenn, Jake Snyder, McCallie, Keaton Ray, Abdulla, Sean Wells, JR, and some others. We also had some of the fans of the local scene out for the show. We sold about 120 tickets which is an incredibly huge deal. 

The show starts and Alex goes up and has a good hosting set. We can all tell the crowd is tight for some reason. They are definitely shying away from race material, and honestly they aren’t giving Alex what his jokes deserve. He does well though and gets some big pops. He then brings me up.

I hated this set. I didn't do poorly, but I wanted to slaughter so bad. I was dumb and tried to do race stuff to try and win them over. My first two didn’t do well at all and then I went into other material that killed and then back to race and it worked better. I don’t know I feel like I screwed myself so I was crazy upset. I didn’t bomb, but I didn't kill. I had one of the better sets, but still I could have done better. I’d give this set a C+ or B-.

Then Beswick went up and they were a little tight for him to. He definitely won them over and the show continued to build. His closer hit super duper hard so that was awesome to see (especially since he worked it out at Host Battle). 

Then Paige went up and did well also. The only thing he lost them on was his chunk on trans people. It’s not an offensive chunk of jokes, but people are just weird about that topic. Other than that it was a solid lineup. 

After him Chris went up and absolutely destroyed for an hour. He did a bunch of new, and didn’t care what the audience thought. They loved it though and showed why he is such a great comic and integral part of the scene here. 

After the show we all hung out for a bit and caught up with those that came to the show. I was starting to feel terrible and in my own head so I decided to go back to Lucy (Sam Padgett’s gf) place with some of the guys and chill for an hour. We did that and it was super fun, but I just wanted to leave and get some sleep. So I did. I went home feeling awful and passed out. Ready for the next day.

4/13

The next day was ok. Depressed most of the day, but the good news was I got to spend it with my dog and family before heading into town. There was just an open mic this night. It was going to be at Intermission Beer Co. It is one of my favorite mics, and is always a good hang. There is usually a pretty ok crowd, and they're a little older and white, but it’s a good group of people to learn how to work. It is a room that James Muñoz started, but Jacob McFadden runs it almost every single month. I ask for a spot and around 5 I head into town.

I get there and as I pull up so does Jacob and his gf. We talk and I help him bring the equipment inside. As the night goes on more and more comics show up. Bryan Williams is there ( and he is incredibly sad and frustrated, Liz Carr (who is going to be the new host of the show after Jacob moves), Aaron Shoemaker, Ben Oliver, Jack Gerow, and then bunch of new comics including this dude who kinda looked like Drake. I don’t remember his name but it was his first time and his family came with him from Stafford to watch.

The show starts and it is just incredibly weird. No one is really doing super well. Most of the audience stays but no one can really crack them open. Jacob got some laughs and seemed to have them on board, but as the night went on it was just bomb after bomb after bomb. Including Bryan Williams who I named the Eeyore of Richmond comedy. He bailed early on his set and was really in his feelings. We talked about his set afterwards and he will be fine.  They don’t always go well, and sometimes you got to switch stuff up, but you should never ever bail on your time. 

Eventually I go up and I have a really fun set. I do some newer stuff, and some light crowd work. The best part is the audience is really digging it. I’d give my set a B or B+ but I definitely had one of the better sets of the night. I got laughs all the way throughout and I felt pretty good about it. 

After my set I stuck around until the end and just hung out with everybody. Most everyone else dipped out, but Jacob/his gf joined me at Buffalo Wild Wings. We had a blast, ate a lot of food, and got a huge dessert. It was a super great night. He then showed me Moe Singleton’s rap album, and I realized it was something I had to talk about at Host Battle the next night. It was an incredibly fun night, and stayed my depression for at least one day. I still had the weight of my week on my back, and I could tell that I was close to losing it. 

I headed home and got a good night of rest before the next day. I knew I had Host Battle, and I was super worried about the attendance of that show, and how it would go. The last time we did it in Richmond my good friend Keith Marcell had a breakdown and threatened to kill me and Chris. It ruined the show, but also it was one of those things where he was having a bad time and couldn’t keep it together. With everything I have going on I worried I would lose it, but I can usually table that stuff until after I get off stage. I got home ridiculously late, and passed out. I needed some time to think, and I got it thankfully.

4/14 

I used my day to pretty much do nothing. I helped around the house, spent time with my dog, and just lounged around until I came into town for Host Battle.

This was the premiere night of Game of Thrones, there was a huge storm coming, and honestly Sunday night shows in Richmond are usually pretty poorly attended. 

I get there and use the next hour or so to get everything set up. I move the tables and chairs to where I want them, get the lights and sound right, and wait for everybody to get there. As we inch closer to showtime I realize this is going to be a poorly attended show.  Other than the comics on the show Mu Cuzzo, Paige Campbell, Alex Castagne, LE Zarling, Moe Singleton, Rebecca Hyman, Nick Deez, and Brandon Beswick there was maybe 6 or 7 people there. They weren’t huge laughers and this was going to be a long show. IT ended up being a blast even though no one was really killing. Hopefully it was productive and fun for everyone involved. I’d give this show a C-. 

Chris and I riffed up top and got basically nothing. I was in a bad mood and just trying to hold it together. Paige did ok, and so did LE. LE had a good story about her new house and there are definitely places she can go with it. Alex set was a ton of fun and so was Mu’s. Mu was super nervous but he ended up having a blast. It was Paula his gfs birthday so we wished her a happy bday and hopefully it was a good time for her. 

Nick had a good time and so did Rebecca. We got some good laughs out of their sets. Then Moe came up and his was the set of the night. We talked about his engagement and busted his balls. WE talked about his hip hop and I even played some over the speakers. Honesty this is why I love the show. Even when it is bad it is fun to do, We closed with Beswick and he had a good one too. Honestly this was as good as the show could have gone. I packed everything up and headed out to pass out. It was a super fun time, but I was officially done mentally and had started to feel super sick. I think my allergies were kicking my butt as well. I went to sleep and ended up calling out of work the next day because I couldn’t take it. 

4/15

The next day I enjoyed my day off from work. My allergies were killing me but I wanted to make sure I got to get a set in. So later that night I met some friends for dinner at Texas De Brazil to celebrate Jacob moving. Alex, Beswick, Jacob, Buhse, his gf, Braman, Nate Izquierdo, Clay Shoaf, and Francesca Lyn all came out. It was a super fun time, but I wasn’t feeling really great by the end of it. I then drove to Charlottesville for The Southern.

This is when I hit my low point. I don’t know why, but depression hit me hard on the ride up there. I got there and honestly talked to people for a bit, but I just wanted to head home. I grabbed my backpack and told Chris and Paige I might head home. I was not in a good headspace. 

I took some time to myself outside, and Brandon came out. We talked for a bit, but then everybody came outside and it made me feel super anxious. I headed back in and just decided toot really talk to people and just do my set. I was going up next to last so I had to sit through a lot of comedy. It was incredibly hard to be there, but I did it. I slowly started talking to people again, and tried to not let my poor mental state get to me. 

When it was finally my turn to go up I made myself do super new stuff. Stuff that I really wanted to try, and I had a very fun set. There are some good nuggets in there. The show was lightly attended but the audience was into it. I’d give this set a C+/B-

The only problem is I felt so bad that even doing well sucked. Like it didn’t feel great at all. This was a lot of personal/family stuff, mixed with mostly comedy/work stress, and feeling ill from my allergies all rolled into the worst night in a long time. 

After the show I got to talk to my friends about some serious stuff, and had several people reach out to me which made it so much better. Paige and I had a long talk about depression on the phone and honestly it made a world of difference. I am very happy I have friends like him and Chris and everyone I talked to that night. It meant the world and honestly after going through that I felt like I was on the right track to feeling good again. 

I know mental health will always be a work in progress, but with each and every day I truly feel like I am building to being a better person and in better control of my anxieties/depression/issues. So thanks again. I think writing about this stuff when it happens will allow me to be vulnerable and will help me process when my brain lies to me. I went home, passed out, and got ready to go back to work.

4/16

The next day at work wasn’t easy, but it was way better. I had a better attitude and simply talking to people about it, and taking a day to get better physically and mentally made a huge difference.

I immediately felt better about everything, and I loved seeing the kids at work even when they were upset or frustrated. I love these dudes, and that’s why I keep doing it. 

My show this day was in Arlington at Busboys and Poets at Shirlington. Allan Sidley runs this room and I was going to be doing about 8-10 minutes on it. I was happy he booked me. He had told me that this crowd is usually pretty PC so to bring some woke jokes I was nervous about this. I know I can work any crowd, but recently I had been wanting people to like me for the material I love, and not just the stuff I know will work for them. So I had to really think about my set. 

I get there and I was the first comic on the spot. I did some writing and just hung out for a while. The room started to fill out and it was going to be a nice diverse crowd (I’d say 60/40 white to black split, and about 50/50 men and women). They had sold 50+ tickets, and then they had some walkups which was nice. So the room was pretty full by the time the show started.

Allan got there and we chatted a bit. His mother was at the show, and he seemed pretty stoked about that. We had a nice talk and then the other comics showed up. Nathan Luft, Ralph Cooper, Blaire Postman, and Tommy Taylor Jr. This was a super dope lineup even though Nathan is the only person on the show I know pretty well.

Allan goes up and does a fine hosting set. He goes a little long, but he is just trying to crack this audience. After him is Nathan who had biked 7 miles to get there so he had to change in the bathroom into his show clothes. He goes up and does pretty well. He has to try to crack them too. They are getting looser, but they do seem to be pretty PC.

After him is Ralph Cooper and he starts super strong. He has some stuff about race that hits really hard and was cool to see. He had a couple of spots that dipped, but other than that he really had them with his race material. It was awesome. They seemed primed and ready.

Following him was Blaire Postman and I had never seen her before. She was super high energy and really connected with he female portion of the audience. Everyone enjoyed her, but she had some of the ladies dying. It was fun to watch. It had me excited. I wondered if I could follow this since I had decided to not go the super woke route, and just do my material. 

I go up and absolutely slaughter. It was a hot ass set. I was supposed to do like 10 and I never go the light so I did about 15. They loved everything I did. I didn’t have any dips, and the best part is IT FELT GOOD TO DO. It felt so good to really connect, and be through that mental shit I was dealing with. I felt like I belonged. After my set I said my goodbyes and headed home. It was a nice 2 hour drive, and I got to catch up with some friends on the phone on the way home. I loved it I’d give this set an A-/A. 

4/17

The next day I decide to go check out Clash of the Comics and possibly be one of the judges if they need one. Then afterwards is Home Sweet Home.

I get to clash and put my name in for Colby Knight who is coming from Lynchburg. He rode with Jake Snyder, and Alex Castagne came out to perform as well. I was told I could be the fourth judge but was asked if I was ok with one of the other people who was judging. I told them that if they were judging I’d rather not be involved. I’d still stay for the show, but I just wouldn’t want my name attached to it. That person was told and they decided to leave the venue and not to be a part of it. So I ended up getting to judge anyway. 

We were having a great hang before the show. Stella Naulo (a new female comic who is eager to learn/work) came out to support and there were plenty ion other comics on the show or just chilling like Big Scotty, Tank, Remo, Tony Harris, and then a bunch of new comics I’ve never seen before.

The judges were Brock Hall, Dylan Vattelana (who was also closing out) and myself. We get situated and fill out our scorecards and the show gets started.

It was kind of a weird crowd and the show did not start out hot. The first few comics were super new and did not do well at all. They couldn’t hook the audience and the presentation wasn’t there. The first really good set was Alex Castagne. He got the crowd and did his material. It all hit and he closed strong.

Big Scotty had a strong set as well. Then there were a few more bombs in there. Jayron had a hot one and Tony Harris also killed. It was actually some tough competition this month. The next few comics did pretty poorly and the crowd was ready to be done. We went to the back to add up the scores, and gave them to Liz.

She went on stage and announced the order. Jayron came in third, then Alex was second, and Tony Harris won. It was a crazy close vote. Good to see all of them do well, and that bodes well for clashes in the future. After the show I said goodbye and headed to Home Sweet Home.

I get to HSH and there is an actual crowd there which was amazing. There are new comics and they are actually doing well and a lot of my buddies are there chilling. Kusterer, McFadden, Stella, Jesse Jarvis, Danny Dunlea, Tom Hall, Liz Carr, Kate Carroll, and a bunch of others. 

I watch a few comics and get my set ready to go. When it is my turn I get brought up to a classic Jacob McFadden intro. “This next comic sometimes does this really offensive character and he pretends to work at a school for autism, but he really works at a WaWa.” So I went up and ran with it and went through my new stuff. Most of it worked. I got some good responses and made a solid impression. I felt good about this set. It was productive and I am feeling good again while on stage. I’d give it a B. 

I then went downstairs and just talked shop with everybody. We riffed new bits, busted balls, and just had a blast. It was a super fun night and I stayed until the end of the show. I needed a night like this. It is so good to be able to pull through this mental and physical shit. I am on my way to a better place and nights like tonight remind me of why I do this.

4/18

This is one of the nights I had been worried about for a while. I am closing out a show at Kindred Spirits. I need the stage time. I love the opportunity to do a longer set, and I like doing shows outside of the city. It is unpaid (we are benefitting St. Judes), and I don’t really know any of the other comedians on the show (other than Alida Harper). 

I invited Stella the previous night to come check it out. She was curious about crowd work and what it was like to work different rooms. I figured since there were no shows it could be a good opportunity to check it out. 

I got there pretty early and just kind of unwinded and relaxed. I could tell this was going to be a more country show with a bunch of white people. It was a super nice brewery out toward Goochland. The set up was great and although I don’t really drink the beers looked and sounded amazing. 

The show runner was this guy named Mike Ward. He used to do comedy in RVA a long time ago. Long before I started and he pursued it pretty hard. After that didn’t work out he got the opportunity to run a monthly benefit show here and decided to go for it. So he books some active comics and also a few of his friends who haven’t really done standup before. So I am very nervous about this show.

I meet the other comics who are super new and then Alida shows up. She is pretty nervous about this country suburban crowd and I am getting the vibe it is not going to be good.

The audience doesn’t even look like they are there for comedy because there is a dude playing sad music for an hour. A great musician, but not really setting the mood for comedy. Then St. Judes sets up a donation table which includes I giant vinyl poster of a bald child suffering from cancer. Which also does not bode well for comedy. 

Everybody on the show is super nice. It is an ok sized crowd. Apparently one month they had like 100+ people there, and this month it was closer to 30 to 40 which is ok. 

Stella shows up to check out the show and her and Alida hang out while we wait for it to get going. The dude who is in charge fo the St. Judes thing gets on stage to start and he just talks about the charity, and raising money. He then proceeds to get an audience member on stage and shows people how to get donations. He asks the dude if he likes kids. The guy says yes. He then asks if the guy likes cancer. The guy says no, He then asked for 1000 dollars. The guy said no. Then he tells them, “Oh so it sounds like you hate kids and LOVE CANCER,” It was one of the cringes things I have ever seen in my life and a bad way to get donations. 

Then Mike goes up and does about 20 minutes, but the first few he is talking about he charity some more. So the comedy show had been going on for 10 minutes and it had all been about kids with cancer. 

The comics each went up and a few did ok. A dude who did comedy with Mike from year before went up first and he did alright. Then a guy who was brand new went up and did about 30 minutes. He told stories, and it was not good at all. He had an audience member be a plant, and that bit didn’t work at all. Then this other newer guy Kent went up and he had a fine set. Half of his stuff worked, but no one was really destroying.

Some people had started to leave, and the rest of the audience seemed restless. Every time someone mentioned people not donating the St. Jude’s guy would just scream they were “MONSTERS”. It was getting ridiculous. There was also a dude who brought his two kids with him. He also clapped when a comic said, “we all know a c**t”. 

Alida is nervous but she goes up and has a fine set. She is definitely the best so far. She had their attention and got some actual good pops on her material which was nice to see. She responded to a few hecklers and got some good lines in. It was a successful set, and fun to watch.

Then it was my turn. By this point I have my set ready, but I know I am just going to do crowd work. I go up and I just start working them over. I talk shit about how I’m not getting paid, and how no one has donated. The guy yells monster and I shit on him. I talk about how everyone should donate but not the way that dude said to donate. If you do what he did people are just going to wish you have cancer. This was risky but got a huge laugh.

I am having an awesome set. I talk to the guy who brought his kids and wife and talk about him being dad of the year, and shitting on him. It kills as well. I start working the front two tables, and they love it too. There were a couple of dudes in the front I talked to like they were a couple and they ate it up. I made fun of a lady who was a marketer and asked her to do marketing for this show so people would show up. Turns out she did, and she was embarrassed. So that was great. I also went in on the guy who did comedy for the first time and ran the light by 30 minutes. 

My set went on for about 20 minutes and I closed with one joke. I was proud of this set and I’d give it an A-. I got paid in beer that I will just end up giving to a friend, and I got some follower on IG and I got people to donate money so that felt dope.

After the show I got to meet a bunch of people, and got a lot of compliments. I got to give out some business cards, and got to kind of unwind after my set (I worked my ass off and was sweating by the time it was done). I then said goodbye and got to talk comedy for a while after the show with Stella. Her head is in the right place and she wants to work hard. I love when new comics are at least determined to get better. I then headed home and passed out. I have to go to DC the next day and I’m nervous as always. 

CAUGHT UP AGAIN LAYDEES! Nothing can stop me. Not even my. weird feelings. I am through it now and will be fighting everyday. You are all the best laydees and baybees a guy could ask for. xoxoxo until next time sweeties!!!!