#and no one ever SAID anything??? is this why people think i’m strange and offputting. is this why i get tons of interviews

[fingertipsmp3]

So was anyone going to tell me I have a lazy eye or was I supposed to find that out by zoning out on facetime myself

[mintytrifecta]

Blood and Whiskey

Summary: washed up actor and a time-warping talk show host who likes disco walk into a bar

Aka: I was getting tired of writing one setting and the same people for forever and wrote this drabble as a break

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If you were to ask the actor standing in front of you why he did what he did, there’s seldom doubt he’d be able to clearly tell you.

A grand finale.

A final show.

A shake of his fist at the cruel fate life handed him.

Just like him, all it became was an extravagant joke.

Actor growls, shoving away the echoing feeling of shadows with eyes burning into his back, grabbing and ripping him apart, pulling him back together vertebrae by vertebrae until he danced to a vengeful tune once more.

The entity, to put it lightly, has not made it easy to escape it’s grasp. A fool, he was, to think he could use its power to his own whim and not face the consequences.

Even so, with a new body and purpose he can see it lurking in the shadows.

Even now, as he trudged through a dimly lit street in the dead of winter he can hear it ringing in his ears.

After all, it takes time to escape from memories.

God he needs a drink…

Actor stops in his tracks and looks to his side. Blaring music vibrates in his ribs, shaking and stirring his insides.

It’s a bar.

A very neon, very bright bar.

A perfect place to sulk, He thinks to himself.

Tightening his grip around the pockets of his red velvet jacket, Actor takes a breath.

And walks in.

The music is even louder on the inside than from the outside. For some unknown reason, that fact surprises him.

All around the hall people can be seen dancing in a frenzied craze. Lights flashing in a showcase of every conceivable color available to the blind eye. Under the lights, a live band was playing some indistinguishable disco with a fervor and passion Actor wishes he still possessed. He scoffs and sharply inhales through his nose.

The air reeks with the familiar stench of alcohol and mania.

Actor squints his eyes and burrows his face deeper into the black scarf tied around his neck and shuffles his way to the leather bar stool. Slamming his hand on the wooden surface of the table to get the bartender's attention.

With a sigh, they dreadfully approach.

“What can I get for you, sir?”

Actor mumbled deeply, head miserably laying on polished oak. "Red wine. Any year, I don't care."

The bartender curtly nods and leaves to get the drink. Actor's in no hurry tonight, why should he care if it's taking forever? 

"Here you go, sir. Red wine, 1926."

Ah, prohibition wine. Nothing quite like tasting secret rebellion acid slipping down your throat, whispering sweet illegality and chaos in the wake of conformity.

Actor downs the wine in one gulp and haphazardly slams the cup onto the table. Beside him, a man chuckles.

"You sure needed that one, huh friend?"

Turning to face the voice, Actor attempted to hide his widening eyes in reaction to the speaker’s appearance.

A man in a silky pink long-sleeve shirt tucked into… the ugliest shade of yellow Actor had ever seen paired with white shoes, stained and worn from long nights out dancing, no doubt.

The top of his head layed home to the biggest and most extravagant pink afro Actor had ever seen in his life.

And on his face… an eerily familiar, upturned, almost pink-like at the edges mustache.

What a strange-looking person, Actor thought.

“Yeah… hey, aren’t you one of the stage performers?” He questions offhandedly. Actor was sure he’d seen him perform when coming in.

“Oh, not for tonight. Maybe tomorrow’s yesterday though…”

Actor stares at the man, trying to piece together his offputting comment.

“You… what?”

The man grins at him, swishing in his hand a martini that definitely wasn’t there before.

“What did you say, friend?”

“Your-your comment on when you’re going to perform. What did you say?”

He gazes at Actor, brows furrowed in concentration before his eyes glaze over. He sits still on his creaking barstool, focusing on nothing and everything before jumping in his seat and grinning at Actor.

“Bah, who can remember things like that? I know I can’t. Anyways, I don’t think I caught your name, fellow. Or maybe I forgot that too, it’s entirely possible.”

Actor blinks with incredulity. His words caught in his throat, unable to pass.

“My name is… irrelevant.” He finally decides on saying.

“Irrelevant, hm? Sounds french! Have you ever been there? I’ve heard it’s lovely this time of year.”

Actor raises his hand to get the bartender’s attention and signals another round. It’s going to be a long night.

“Firstly, it’s winter. Second of all I didn’t even get your name, how am I supposed to talk to you without it.”

The man sits gasps for air, dramatically arching his back in shock before responding with a curt bow in his chair.

“Oh my apologies, Irrelevant, it must have slipped my mind! Name’s Wilford Warfstache!”

“Wilford Warfstache?” Actor echoes.

“That’s what I said!”

Actor snorts, picking up his second glass of wine, inspecting it as if passing final judgement.

“Well, Mr. Warfstache, what exactly do you want with me? Out of all the seats in the bar why’d you sit next to this one, huh?”

Wilford smiles and pats him heartily on the back. “My friend, you looked so lonely sitting at the bar with nobody else around you! I-I figured you could use some good company!”

Actor rolls his eyes. “How thoughtful…”

Wilford nods brightly, looking the Actor up and down with a slight hitch in his breath.

“Say… do I know you from somewhere?”

Actor winces, tirelessly holding on to a shred of hope that tells him he hasn’t faded into obscurity.

“I’m an actor. There’s a good chance you’ve seen me on the silver screen.”

With this revelation, Wilford’s face lights up in wonder.

“An actor! That’s fantastic! What movies have you done, my friend? Was there love? Was there murder? Was there treacherous betrayal at the hands of an ally?” He questions, voice getting louder and louder with each passing query.

“You could say that… It’s been a while since I landed a good role, however.”

“Well, it doesn’t have to stay like that! I’m sure you can find something big to be in soon!” Wilford cheers passionately.

“Yeah right… the last time I did some big movie was… god I don’t even know how long it’s been since then.”

Wilford pats Actor pitifully on the back, softening his voice to the best of his ability.

“Well, whatever role you played I’m sure it was wonderful!”

Actor took a sip of his wine. “I played a detective.”

“A detective! That’s a wonderful role to act! Why, I happen to have a friend who’s a detective and he’s one of the best people you’ll ever meet, trust you me.”

Actor nods solemnly, eyes and throat caught in a crossfire of guilt and rage. “So did I. Met him on set as a professional consultant and stayed friends afterwards. At least until...” he trails off.

“Until what?” Wilford asks.

“I… did something. Something bad that I can’t take back. I got stuck with a shitty hand, tried to use it and it backfired and no matter what I try to do I can’t get new cards. It’s not fair!” Actor growls.

Wilford hums, circling the edges of the martini glass with the paper umbrella. “Such is life, my friend. You can’t always make sense of it’s chaos, hell knows I don’t.”

Rolling his eyes, Actor spits with venom. “Oh, please. What bad thing could you have possibly done?”

“Everyone has some blood on their hands, my friend. There’s no need to dig for specifics.”

“And yet, here we are. Hell, the only good outcome from anything I did slipped out of my fingers and forever from my grasp.”

Wilford held out a finger, motioning for Actor to shut it.

“Never say never, my good man! If I know anything, it’s that things always come back to you. If they don’t you keep looking for them!”

“How inspirational.” Actor deadpans.

“It’s true! I say you should keep looking for the positive, even if it’s hard!”

"I don't know…"

Wilford tuts sotfly. "Come on now, don't you trust ol' Warfy?"

"Not really, no."

He shockingly gasps, bringing a shaking hand to his chest and spilling his martini on the floor. "W-well whyever not? I give pretty good advice, why not trust me?"

"I met you tonight."

"But it feels so much longer than that, doesn't it?" Wilford sighs, leaning his head on Actor's sunken shoulders.

He shakes the afro-d man off and takes a swing of his wine. 

"Whatever you say, Will."

The two sit in silence, taking in the music echoing in the hall with comfort.

"You know, I did get an offer for this television series a while ago."

"Did you, now?"

"It was for some kind of choose-your-own-adventure thing. It seemed silly at the time and I didn't say anything yet but maybe I'll give it a shot." He mumbles.

"Wonderful idea, my friend! That seems marvelous to work on."

Actor sluggishly smiles. "You think?"

Nodding brightly, Wilford responds. "I do! And if it's any consolation, my friend," he pauses and shuffles through his afro, pulling out a small, pink flower. "I think you'd make a wonderful hero."

Actor lightly picks the flower from his hand, petting the rosy petal. It's soft and delicate, smooth under his touch. 

"Whatever you choose to do, you'll be great at. I'm sure of it."

He gazes at his newfound friend, eyes shining with reinvigorated  light for the first time in years.

"Thank you, Will."

"Anytime, good man! Anytime." 

Actor stands up and brushes his jacket, smiling at Will. "I think it's time I left. I've got a friend to pay a visit to."

"Good luck! And remember you always have a friend here!" Wilford raises his full martini glass high into the air.

"You got it, Will." 

And with that, Actor left. Perhaps it's time to resume his search for a certain Mayor.

Back at the bar, Wilford chuckles into his glass.

"What a strangely familiar person…"

[jcmorrigan]

Somehow, I can imagine Vinny, Al and Victor ""adopting"" Taylor so...👀

I’m just going to do this one off the top of my head and see what happens

-Taylor was accepted into RMU, but oh no! They don’t have enough money to cover the dorms. Their parents are just “It’s too bad you don’t have any friends in G4 to stay with″ and Taylor realizes...oh no...I have friends in G4.

-They didn’t want to admit how much they actually hoped Revenge House would accept them when they called. Taylor will tell anyone who asks that they called for the sole purpose of getting shot down and ruling this out.

-Vincent: “I see. Well - “ Albert: “YES” Victor: “I’ll fix up the guest bedroom” Vincent: “...I guess you’re staying with us then”

-There are a few house rules. Don’t go in the basement (there are cyborgs in there). Don’t roam the house after curfew (that’s when we let the cyborgs out). Don’t feed Winston (Taylor isn’t sure if this one is a joke or an actual warning).

-Otherwise they get a pretty nice bedroom, soft bed, quality blankets. Not soundproof and they can hear the screams and weird metallic noises from the rooms two floors down, but hey, they won’t complain.

-At first, the guys pretty much leave Taylor to their own devices. That’s the nice thing about them being a legal adult: they don’t actually have to be good or attentive parents

-Victor and Albert are the two who pay them the most attention. Victor actually carries on conversation like a normal person. Well, mostly. He still always kind of sounds like he’s gathering information to use for nefarious purposes, but Taylor’s used to that by now. Also being called “my dear Taylor” was offputting at first but now they see it’s a genuine term of affection.

-Albert is...an interesting guardian. He’s always approaching Taylor to talk about non sequiturs, usually morbid, and Taylor has gotten used to this and kind of enjoys it. “Speaking purely in hypotheticals, what do you think tastes better: the spleen or the lungs?” “Spleen. Why are you even asking me this? That one’s obvious.”

-But weirdly Albert is in exchange the one who actively cares the most for Taylor. He makes sure they’re stocked up on supplies, and by that I mean Taylor enters their designated bathroom to find no fewer than twenty toothbrushes, all different colors, bound with a ribbon and a note that says “Pick your favorite! ~AK”

-Also instead of taking them shopping for new college wardrobe, Taylor is awoken at 6 a.m. by a phone call from Albert. “I’m at Hot Topic and they have an assortment of androgynous leather accessories. What’s your size?”

-Vincent and Taylor don’t interact much, at first. But they develop a relationship based on their lack of relationship. They both enjoy the value of comfortable silence. They can be in the same room doing separate things and know they don’t have to bother with greeting one another outside of a quick nod or 0.2 seconds of eye contact.

-Right away, though, they all make it clear that Taylor gets free food. The trio does their usual routine of making extremely high-quality luxury food and just lets Taylor chill out doing nothing until the dinner bell rings. The catch is that some of these things, they weren’t sure were food before this, but hey, turns out they don’t hate sashimi.

-Classes start. Every day when Taylor gets home and brings their books and assignments of the day to the dining room to study, Albert and Victor flock around them. Albert: “How was school? Did you make any lasting memories? Do you have an ARCHNEMESIS yet?” Victor: “Does Professor Browne still have a stick up his ass, metaphorically speaking? Has anyone of your preferred gender asked you out yet?”

-Until dinner time, the dining room is Taylor’s study sanctuary.

-They know better than to bring friends home, however. Not a single college pal who’s entered Revenge House has left with at all a good feeling. Some of them have considered calling the cops because there’s no way these people aren’t going to murder Taylor in the dead of night (sillies...Taylor’s the one person they WON’T murder in the dead of night)

-And as for dates? Unfortunately, the few times Taylor has been asked out, they’ll keep it secret and arrange a meetup at a neutral location and show up at the restaurant only to, halfway through the date, realize that they can spot distinct flashes of pink, red, and black positioned around the restaurant like the Bermuda Triangle and greeeaaat, their guardians followed them to spy on the date.

-Which isn’t always bad because one time somebody actually tried to take advantage of Taylor in the alley out back of the restaurant and before any articles of clothing could be forcibly removed, the offender practically explodes from the impact of being shot by Victor, punched by Vincent, and stabbed by Albert at the same time (the bullet almost clipped Albert but it was worth it)

-Taylor’s never sure how to introduce these people. Parents? Guardians? Friends? Roommates? Usually, it ends up something like “This is my...this is...this is Vincent. He’s Vincent. That’s it.”

-They go out as a “family” unit sometimes, usually to dinner or something where they can all just have conversation. There’s usually going to be some rando who walks past the guys and goes “Your daughter is adorable!” and Albert pulls out a rather long and wicked knife while saying “Their preferred pronouns are they/them, and I HIGHLY suggest you respect that.” Victor and Vincent glare on in the background.

-Taylor is torn because they like having guardians who respect their gender identity but also some of these people are just making honest mistakes

-Victor: “I just want to warn you that when you engage with other college students, you may be pressured to try smoking, drinking, and other narcotics. In a strange environment, any of these may be laced with poison or spiked with different drugs. Here in Vincent’s mansion, our stashes are always pure, so if there’s anything you want, just ask us and we will get you a safe supply.” (Though “safe cigarettes” and “safe hard liquor” are oxymorons to a 19 y/o but Victor is trying. Taylor doesn’t even want any of those things)

-Sometimes, though........Taylor has to be the parent figure to these three

-They might end up trying to drink away their sorrows, falling asleep in a vomit-covered living room. Taylor will clean up any obvious mess and get them some pillows.

-Taylor: “So, did you ever want to...talk to me any more about the childhood stuff that was bothering you?” Albert: “...Yes”

-One night, though, they make a big breakthrough. They find evidence for the Myers revenge scheme and confront Vincent with it.

-Vincent tells them everything. Not without getting a little emotional.

-Taylor’s just like “Oh.”

-Somehow this turns into a hug.

-The guys FORBID Taylor from getting directly involved with Myers. That said...they do act a consultation role sometimes.

-Eventually they meet some of the basement cyborgs. Also they’ve gotten pretty friendly with the Dream Eaters. If all the guys are out of the house and Winston is doing his usual hermit thing, Taylor will be “babysat” by a group of awkward yet well-meaning monsters. (The Dream Eaters have been instructed to keep the cyborgs from eating Taylor, though, and they’ve had to actually step in several times. The Dream Eaters also like the taste of human flesh but Albert said this one is NOT FOOD so they respect that.)

-Those days when the guys come home dragging a corpse/an unconscious person, and Taylor catches them, and the guys stare at them like deer in headlights until they say “I never saw this. Carry on.”

-At some point, though, Taylor decides they want a little more, so they suggest “Do you guys wanna go to the mall and catch a movie?”

-Cue a mall trip that involves Vincent criticizing all the secondhand clothing, Victor flirting with the cashiers at every boutique, and nobody knows exactly what Albert is up to but there’s blood leaking from the dressing room so let’s not ask.

-They go to see a fall blockbuster that Taylor really enjoys and the three guys are having varying degrees of enjoyment toward. If it’s got deep themes, Vincent will be happy. If it’s got romance, Victor will be happy. If it’s horror, Albert will be happy. If it’s a superhero film, NOBODY BUT TAYLOR IS HAPPY (so they kind of like taking the guys to Marvel stuff to annoy them on purpose)

-They talk the guys into accompanying them on other Taylor-style adventures. Like bowling. Bowling was either the best or the worst idea they had, because it turned into a four-person DEATH MATCH. (Figuratively, this time. Maybe literally next time.)

-Vincent draws a HARD LINE IN THE SAND at pizza, though. He will not even look at a pizza, let alone eat one or enter a pizza establishment.

-After some months, Taylor and Vincent are conversing more, but it’s usually Taylor asking questions about how the legal system works because Vincent can explain it better than anyone else and in a way that doesn’t fly over Taylor’s head.

-Sometimes, though...Taylor gets sick. The first time, they didn’t actually expect any of the guys to do anything about it. But Vincent drops off hot meals without a word and leaves, and rude as he is, the food’s always DELICIOUS and particular faves of Taylor’s. Victor is the “Text me if you need anything, sweetie” guy who will drop everything if Taylor needs an ice pack or a barf bin. Albert will sit in the room at a safe distance to talk to Taylor about random things and make sure they don’t get lonely. Also, Taylor will have weirdly no nightmares whatsoever, and they know Albert has something to do with this.

-Sometimes...Taylor is sad. All three of the guys will sit around them, encouraging them to talk about everything that’s bothersome. Brief hugs will be exchanged (Victor’s are a bit too tight since, y’know, metal arms, but that’s fine by Taylor). And then if there was a particular entity that caused the sadness, well, that entity might end up dead in a pool of blood in a back alley later.

-There’s also a contract on the table stating that if Taylor is ever incarcerated, then Vincent, Victor, and Albert will break them out of jail at the earliest convenience. Taylor isn’t sure when this will ever have to be used but they’re glad it’s there.

-They make an even more amazing meal than usual for Taylor’s birthday and spend way, WAY too much on gifts. Some of which aren’t even things Taylor wanted (”It’s...a baseball bat with barbed wire around it. Uh...just what I always wanted? Thanks, Albert.”)

[dragonrajafanfiction]

CYOA: What is Winning?

Waiters have entered the venue with glasses of champagne. As a poor college student, it was hard for you to remember you were on a mission when presented with probably the best champagne you’ve ever tasted. 

The alcohol was no doubt a tactic to loosen the pockets of the people milling around the gallery. Soon, glasses were clicking, the place got a lot more lively with laughter, voices got louder and the atmosphere became more jovial.

You’re presented with a tag with a number and a specialized device to enter your bid, a simple plastic box with a keypad. Just enter the code number corresponding to the piece you would like to buy and boom, you put in the bid. Winning bids would be asked to pay at a private booth.

You look around and spot the Eye of Horus. It was a gorgeous pin meant to be set into the clothing of the priest. It was made of a single scintillating red jewel. As you approach, you can hardly see it because of the crowd milling about. It was easily the most expensive piece in the entire auction and would take putting down your entire budget to acquire.

But hey, the money wasn’t yours, so why not act like a high roller? Your high bid was sure to attract the people you were looking for.

You sidle up to the placard with the number with a confident smirk and put in your bid of 50 million dollars before stepping back. You settle back and sip your champagne. All around you, people began to gasp at the number. They start to look around to see who had the number on that gigantic bid. 

Then you notice people getting on the phone and speaking very seriously. Uh oh. It seems like you’re not the only one with a deep pocket looking to score this particular item. You start to study the people on the phones and you suddenly understand that the people with the money weren’t here. Just like you, these folks were underlings and didn’t have permission to spend on their own. 

You observe with dismay as the bids soar. 60 then 75 million. You’ve started a bidding war!

A presence is suddenly at your side.

A middle-aged man in a dark turtle neck that you would recognize anywhere. He wasn’t a celebrity in the traditional sense. Outside certain circles, he wasn’t recognizable at all.

He was Amos Stravinsky, a tycoon in the gaming world. He’d started out small thirty years ago, aiming to advance the scope and technology of video games around the world. Through tactics some would call ruthless and predatory, he acquired and dissolved smaller gaming studios, keeping the best talent for himself, and now ran one of the largest video game publishing franchises in the entire world.

His main source of income at the moment was introducing the Gacha system to main stream western video games. Much to the dismay of many, it was a rousing success and he nary batted an eye at peddling what some called gambling addiction to more of the world’s youth.

He grins amiably at you. “From the scowl on your face, I take it you know who I am. You’re certainly my target audience.” He glanced over at the eye of Horus. “Was that your bid? You seem to know what you want, but you’re noob. And it shows.”

He was completely shameless of his past actions it seemed. You force a smile and offer him a handshake, giving him the pseudonym you’ve been using in Munich.

He gives you a strong handshake. “Amos Stravinsky. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

It seemed odd that a video game tycoon was here at a museum auction, but your superior said you would be approached after bidding and to get information from him. For now, this was your target. “Likewise. What brings you here to the auction?”

“Inspiration my friend! Everyone nowadays copies off Greek or Roman or Norse Mythology. I’m searching for culture.”

You glance at him. More to exploit you suppose. “So you got any tips for a noob?” You ask.

He gives a hearty chuckle. “Never bid against whales.” He gives you a wink and then points you over towards a painting in the corner. It was being taken off the wall and carted off. It was the Destroyer of the God of Death painting. He figured such a frightening and offputting painting wouldn’t attract his target but...

"Is that what you bid on?” You ask.

“Yes. It depicts the defeat of death, ending the cycle of rebirth...”

“Are you thinking of making that the end of a video game? Defeating death at the end of a video game seems like a strange choice.” You say.

The man’s eyes snap up at you. “Oh really?”

“Well... if you defeat death at the end of the game, it’s still a game over.” You reply. “So what’s the point? But...”

“Yes?”

If this guy was really after the secret of the dragon clan then the desire for immortality and the cycle of rebirths that dragons use to attain it should interest him. 

“Real life has endless potential. Video games are limited in what they can offer someone who is immortal.”

“If you ask me, even for someone who isn’t immortal, life can lose that shine if there’s nothing more to pursue...” The video game tycoon turned back to the Eye of Horus. “Once people can’t die, they will invent ways to elevate themselves more and more, even if it’s just superficially. Heh.”

Exactly why he makes so much off so called ‘cosmetic items’ right? But he wasn’t cutting off the conversation so something about it must interest him. You watch him take another sip of his champagne in silence.

“You look like you have something to say.” He grinned at you.

“You make a lot of money off things that have nothing to do with winning the game. That’s what I was thinking.”

“Bingo.” He pointed a fingergun at you.

“So... what is winning to you?” You look him in the eyes clearly challenging him.

“What?” He looks back at you.

What do you say next?!

A: “You seem like you’ve won plenty already.”

B: “You could have gotten cultural inspiration without buying anything.”

C: “Nothing.”

[themidnightfarmer]

Mo(m)relia knows best || Morelia & Jared

Timing: During the season 1 finale.

Location: The farm

Tagging: @morelias & @themidnightfarmer

Description: Morelia comes to Jared’s aid, and promises are made.

Triggers: injury tw? 

It was strange caring for another being - well, caring for one that wasn’t either her dog nor her… Boyfriend, or whatever they were. But Morelia still found herself making her way through the familiar path towards Jared’s farm with a fabric bag hanging from her shoulder, inside a first aid kit that contained, perhaps, more than just first aid items. Unlike other fae, Nymphs weren’t particularly known for their healing abilities which was why the lampade sometimes smuggled medical tools from their job at the hospital to keep at home if she would ever need them, like when she had to stitch up her arm after a werewolf attack not too long ago, or now, to fix whatever Jared had managed to do to his bite wound. Once the gates were in sight, clearly illuminated by the strong light of the full moon, Morelia stopped moving forward, the sound of enraged animals faint but noticeable in the distance. If she could hear them, then it couldn’t be good. The only reason she didn’t fear visiting him despite the potential threat of angry beasts eating her was because she could just poof herself out of there. Taking her phone out, she sent the male nymph a quick text, letting him know she had arrived.

As the night started to close in, the impact of the sudden blackouts from the eye sun blinking started to lessen. Although admittedly not by much. With their routine blown and their emotions on edge Jared was having a hard time keeping up with his animals. The beasts were running him ragged and had been for days now. Thus the bite. He was usually on top of everything way better than this, but with ALL of them going a little crazy he’d lost focus for a moment and the proof lay under the tape on his arm. Receiving the text he sighed a small sigh of relief and hopped the gate. Looking back over his shoulder multiple times until he reached Morelia. “Hey Mo.” he greeted with a sheepish sort of smile. His arm was taped from wrist to elbow, and the bicep had a small rash where tape had already been pulled off the massive bite. It spanned his whole left arm -although half was still covered with tape. A particularly nasty cry sounded behind him and he cringed. “Maybe we should go a little bit further down the path. My tractor is parked over there.” 

Black hues immediately landed on the taped arm, a concerned look quickly covering Morelia’s features. It made sense that people thought putting duct tape on a wound could help; in practical terms, it did help a little, helping stop a bleeding and potentially holding together something that on its own wouldn’t in case of larger wounds. But that was just for a short term, and the lampade quickly moved and reached forward to delicately take his arm between her hands, already trying to examine him. She had told a guy online that she had the knowledge necessary for psychiatric patients, but her knowledge extended far beyond that after living and taking her own part in the american civil war. “You said it had bitten you, not that it had tried to rip your arm off.” Looking up, after the cry reached her ears, she shook her head slightly, and she motioned him with her head to start walking with her. “If the size shows anything, it's that I might need to stitch you up. Tending you inside would be much easier, quicker and, of course, more sanitary, but a tractor will do.”

“She didn’t actually try to take my arm off, it looks worse than it is Mo.” he tried to placate her. It was a large bite, but that was only because the animal in question was large in itself. Bies were massive beings -how he passed them off as cows was a mystery to him as well sometimes. But then again with how many human deniers lived in town it wasn’t hard so hard with a little glamour. “She just doesn’t know her own strength.” he defended his charge gently with a soft look in his eyes. No matter the damage his kids would accidentally do to him he’d never think any less of them. It happened so infrequently nowadays he hardly had moments like these. Maybe that’s why he was so lacking in medical equipment. “I’ve got a water pipe that runs alongside the trail to the gate, we can wash it out.” Jared was honestly just pleased someone was there to see to it. He genuinely hadn’t been prepared, and honestly with how everyone online had reacted to the tape idea he should feel very lucky she made her way out. He moved off by her side and shrugged. “It’s okay Mo I’m a little more resistant to bies bites, it’s kind of my life at this point.”

Black hues rolled to the back of her head, and a soft but audible sigh left her lips. There was enough medical experience in Morelia to know that when someone claimed their situation wasn’t as bad, it meant the complete opposite, especially when you were dealing with stubborn kids like Jared. “I will be the one to decide that.” The fact that the male nymph had all these dangerous creatures with him didn’t quite shock her as much as the fact that he could keep them under control - despite her own fondness towards animals and, well, critters in general, she had to admit that his bond and how it helped him deal with them was admirable; something to be jealous of, even, if she cared enough. “Well, that certainly does not help me worry less about your well being, my dear.” A side glance as they walked, the worry still present in her features. “I know these creatures are your… thing, but you ought to be more careful. Especially in a strange town like this.”

He couldn’t argue with her there. She was the expert in this one, even if he was technically more knowledgeable about what a bies bite might do in the long run. “It’s been years since I got a bite like this,” Jared tried to argue with her. “I’ve gotten so much better this last year at really truly communicating with them. The eye in the sky just kind of shot the connection. The increased stress on the kids made one start running itself a little too ragged. So I stepped in. It was going well until another blackout hit, got crunched for my efforts. But only because I shoved my arm between it and a passing bonedoggle. I like my charges alive you know.” He explained as they approached the tractor. “Lived here my whole life Mo, nothing really scares me so much anymore. Just sort of have to get on with it you know?...thanks for coming out though, appreciate it. Genuinely thought tape was a good idea.” he laughs sheepishly. 

“And that is exactly why I’m leaving this--” She raised her kit for enfasis. “-- here with you. The next time you require professional medical attention, either for another bite or large cut or any other situations involving your animals, you will call me and not try to follow the advice of strangers online, because that is not smart. Do you agree?” Morelia hated promise binding a fellow fae, but with how stubborn this kid and seeming that going to the hospital was out of the question, it looked like the only way. The tractor was already on sight, and for a moment she hated the fact that she was wearing a dress and heels, because getting on that would prove to be a challenge. But alas. Fashion comes first. “I’m not telling you to neglect your… kids.” She winced when mentioning the word, slightly disgusted that she had actually said it out loud. “Just to be careful. We have a funny eye sun that I thankfully don’t get to experience. There were fish falling from the sky. Who knows if the next hellish curse this down gets is random animal possession.”

He was completely innocent to the fact she was promise binding him into something until he’d already uttered the words “Ok Mo, I’ll do that.” And then his face went slack and he stopped walking. “Why did you do that to me?” He thought through her wording even if he couldn’t do anything about it now. “You’re going to get sick and tired of being my personal nurse.” He warned her. “That was a dirty trick.” he accuses then but does continue walking anyway. He did need her to look at his arm this time, he supposed she’d be doing this every time from now on. Reaching the tractor Jared offered Morelia a hand, and his knee to boost her so that she could climb into the cab. “I’d be able to feel it. I have a handle on them usually, the eye is just….offputting.” 

Morelia couldn’t help but sigh when the other so willingly accepted her promise, almost disappointed at how he hadn’t touched the terms at all. Still, she laughed when he rebuked her, not stopping with him when he did, but slowing down her pace for him to catch up. “Oh, Jared love. You should know better by now. Perhaps we should add fae lessons to that deal, since you seem to need them terribly.” Her tone was playful, and though what she said could’ve easily be taken as an insult, she really meant her offer to help him. Once he helped and both were settled in the tractor, Morelia searched inside her now almost empty fabric bag for her phone and, after turning in the flashlight, she . “I need you to illuminate my lap so I can work.” Once she made sure he was doing that, Morelia carefully grabbed his taped arm and slowly pulled it towards her, hands softly tapping it and applying light pressure as she made her way down from his elbow to wrist, eyes moving from the arm to the fae to see where it hurt most. “I will try to take this off without major inconveniences, but I’m afraid that also means I cannot rip it off fast to make it hurt less.” And then after a beat, and just because she was used to the hospital protocols, she added- “Does that sound okay?”

Jared found himself in this situation all the time. Not looking deeply enough into things that he should have. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be savvy enough to pick up on everything that a more experienced fae would. He supposed that promise wasn’t all too bad. Having a person to call when he required a little bit of hands on aid wasn’t the worst. And Morelia was -at least to him- kind enough to care. He held the phone and didn’t stop singing her praises while she worked. He appreciated her help, and if that came at the price of ALWAYS needing to contact her for similar instances so be it. 

[eremiss]

Gwencred: Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate? >_>

(it me so it got wordy)

“Nicknames?” Gwen tilts her head thoughtfully, “Well, I suppose ‘Gwen’ is one. I like my full name, but I can’t help thinking it sounds a little,” she gestures vaguely, “a little…overly formal, if that makes sense? Guinevere. It’s lovely, just,” she makes a neutral, unimpressed sound. “I like both versions, but ‘Gwen’ is just far shorter and a little more, maybe, approachable-sounding? Or casual? Not to mention it’s much easier for children to say. But I do introduce myself with both and leave it up to others to decide which they prefer. It honestly doesn’t bother me.”

She thinks for a moment, “Some of my friends use one or the other exclusively; Alisaie and Lyse only call me Gwen, while Uriangier, Y’shtola and Krile only call me Guinevere. Some people, like Alphinaud and Aymeric, switch depending on the situation. If we’re among friends it’s ‘Gwen’, but in more formal and serious settings it’s ‘Guinevere’.” She laughs, “Which sort of reinforces the whole ‘Guinevere sounds formal’ thing, doesn’t it?”

Gwen drums her fingers and shifts in her seat a little. “And side from that… Well, people can give me nicknames if they like, and I don’t mind provided they’re, you know, not…too odd or strange or,” she waves a hand, “you know, so long as they’re reasonable.”

She thinks for another minute, “Thancred calls me dove.” She smiles faintly. “It’s funny actually, when I met him he was such a flirt, but I didn’t really, ah, listen to the flirting, I guess you could say? It’s not that I thought he was insincere, really, so much as I just… have never really cared for surface-level compliments? Like about my appearance, I mean. Anyone can make a comment about looks and pretty it up with a bit of poetry or erudite praise. I mean, he was certainly creative about it, so I can’t say ‘I’d heard it all before’, but I had heard versions before. Emerald eyes, silver streaks in my hair, all that…” She pets one of the gray streaks almost self-consciously.

“Compliments about my skills, about what I can do, or,” she waffles for a moment, “my personality, I guess, those sorts of things mean a lot more to me. Because that’s deeper stuff, you know? Someone needs to know me, at least a little bit. It…needs more effort, I suppose. I’ve gotten my fair share of compliments over the years and they’ve never really… become much, if that makes sense, and Thancred’s seemed much the same–though he did have the benefit of proving that he was resourceful and skilled in his own right when we fought voidsent and that Ascian acolyte to retrieve the Sultana’s crown. Still, I didn’t really know him, so…” 

Gwen laughs, “And, well, Thancred didn’t really seem to get that. Not that I was terribly straightforward about it, besides brushing the flowery words aside. Not until one day when I–” She laughs again, almost nervously this time, and shakes her head, “It was shortly before he asked me to join the Scions. He paid me some mellifluous praise about my…” she pauses, thinking, “ah, I don’t remember exactly. My eyes? I honestly don’t remember. Whatever it was, it ended with him comparing me to a desert rose, and I,” she pauses again, looking vaguely rueful and tugging on her hair, “I joked back, ‘So, pretty to look at, delicate and short-lived?’ and laughed, because I was just teasing, and he looked, ah… Well frankly he looked a little stunned for a moment. I don’t think anyone had ever replied like that. I was, erm, a bit worried that I’d gone a little too far. But a second later we were right back to chatting like nothing happened… except he toned down the all the praise and flirting a bit. Later he told me he found it interesting more than offputting or anything else, which… I’m glad for, honestly, because ‘offputting’ was not what I’d intended.”

“Then I joined the Scions and we started to work together, so we had the chance to chat get know each other a little. I mean, he was still the man I met in Ul’dah, but I got to actually know a bit about him–more than ‘oh, that charming fellow with the strange mask that flirts with every woman he sees in between chasing aetherical disturbances’.” She laughs and sighs, “And he still had plenty of little comments and quips, but he started… complimenting random things? Other things, I mean, besides my appearance –though those didn’t completely stop– until he finally got a reaction out of me. Or, well, the reaction he wanted.” She folds her arms and shakes her head, blushing a little more, “He’s stubborn like that.”

“I suppose, being frank but still a little…charitable, you can chalk it up to simply wanting to know more about his fellow Scions. But I’m sure knowing how to best flatter his friends helps when it comes to sweet-talking his way out of whatever uncomfortable situation he’s gone and gotten himself into. Also through talking, knowing him.” Gwen rolls her eyes, mostly exasperated but still a bit fond. “And then, well… I mean, I lived at the Waking Sands for a few weeks before we were sent to Drybone to investigate the disappearances, and he kept coming around, and we kept talking. During all of that he started to figure out what I…cared about or preferred, I guess, when it came to compliments and the like. And he’s charming, of course, and he knows it.” She scoffs. “So his words started to stick, because he’s frustratingly good with them when he chooses to be. Actually, even when he’s not trying. Well, anyway, we worked together well and got along, but it didn’t really… Well, I mean, he was still laying it on a bit thick. And I told him so, so we could have a regular conversation without all the flattery and all that getting in the way, you know? I wasn’t the first in that regard, at least, ha. But before we could really get to know one another, to actually be friends more than colleagues, well…Ifrit happened.” 

Gwen frowns and sighs. “It… He took it hard. I didn’t even know him that well, all things considered, but I could still tell it was really eating at him. He was… I’m not sure. At the very least he blamed himself for Ifrit tempering those soldiers and trying to temper me. And for me having to fight it alone… Not that his presence would have really made a difference…” She shakes her head, “Even if he’d been there, that doesn’t mean that ambush would have gone any differently. I mean, maybe it could have. But maybe not. And if not, well, then he would have been tempered too, and… Yeah.”

“One night I tried to cheer him up a little and we ended up joking about all his compliments and flirting and all the little pet names I’d heard him call people–usually related to flowers or sunny days or those sorts of things. He jokingly vowed to find some sort of nickname for me that wouldn’t have me ‘running for the hills’ or whatever, and I said, ‘Nothing to do with flowers, I hope’ and we laughed a bit. It did seem to put him in a better mood, for a little while, at least. And, then, well,” she shifts awkwardly, “the necklace and…yeah.” She sighs frustratedly and shakes her head.

“After the Praetorium Thancred took a while to recover and I…avoided him because of–well, it was partially my fault. But we talked that out,” Gwen rolls her eyes and smiles fondly, “and he teased me about it, of course. Always with the teasing and trying to get some kind of reaction out of me, I swear. Once he’d recovered a bit, just out of the blue he called me ‘dove’. And I…” She temporizes, leaning her head one way and then the other, “Well, I liked it, honestly. I just…like the word, and the way he said it,” she blushes and shakes her head, “not that you needed to know that part. Ahem. And, well… I did say ‘no flowers’ and it wasn’t a flower. And I hadn’t heard him call anyone else ‘dove’ before, either. Later, after I thought about it, I realized I also liked the, the,” she pauses, searching for a word, “the associations it had, If that makes sense? Doves are a symbol of hope and peace and gentleness and…that sort of thing. With all the fighting and Primal slaying and all, it feels… Well, I liked it then and I like it now.”

Gwen scoffs lightly, grinning, “Well, the ‘not hearing him call anyone else’ bit isn’t quite so accurate. When we worked with the Rogue’s guild I found out dove is a sort of–of…of colloquial term for a woman in Limsa Lominsa. It’s like ‘lass’, you know? Eventually I got Thancred to admit he’d specifically stopped using the word with that sort of connotation when he’d abandoned his Lominsan accent, dialect, and thieves’ cant while he studied in Sharlayan. Scholars don’t ask you to, ah… what did he say again?” She thinks for a moment, “Scholars don’t task you to ‘get yer best beater-cases and lend yer daddles to mill a rum cove’, after all. Either way, I’m the only one he calls dove now and… That’s good enough.”

“As for my end of things, well,” Gwen fidgets with her rings and her hair. “I don’t really use nicknames, unless someone asks me to–or everyone else refers to them by their nickname. Like ‘Gwen’ for me, you see. And I’m not in the habit of making up my own nicknames for others, either. I don’t really have a reason why, I suppose I just never got in the habit.”

She tugs her hair and blushes a little darker, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “I’ll admit, I have tried the, ah, the ‘pet name’ thing–pet name? Nickname? Ah, whichever. I mean, calling Thancred something different, like how he calls me ‘dove’ and it… Well, suffice it to say it didn’t work out. I sort of…stumbled over them and said them so awkwardly every time I tried, it just… Ugh, it didn’t work. And he teased me, of course, but he wasn’t mean about it.” Gwen laughs, “I swear, whenever I try he acts like I’m trying to–to butter him up because I need something from him. And doing a terrible job of it, might I add. ‘Oh, ‘dearest’, am I? I’m flattered, dove… or I would be, if you didn’t sound as though you were about to ask for a hefty and unpleasant favor’ and he always says it with this–this– that stupid cocky grin of his.” She folds her arms, smiling through a scoff, “The nerve, I swear.”

Gwen pauses, considering, and her smile fades. “Though I… I have called him ‘darling’ a time or two, but that– It was…different. A different situation, I mean, and I– ah, well, he… Well, once he’d had a nightmare and I, I didn’t really think about it, I just said it while I was talking to him, and… I don’t know, it seemed to help me…reach him? I don’t know how to describe it. Anyway I– I sort of,” she ponders a few words, “hold on to that one, you could say.”

“All that aside, Thancred genuinely isn’t bothered that I don’t call him any nicknames or anything silly. And teasing and namecalling when we’re bickering doesn’t count. That’s different.” She hesitates, “Once, when he was drunk, he said his name ‘sounds different when I say it’.” Gwen looks away, face turning redder, “Even though I don’t say it differently or– or– I don’t even have an accent, so…”

Gwen shakes her head sharply, getting ahold of her self. “Right. Well. I suppose the most important takeaways are that my nickname is Gwen. Thancred calls me dove. I don’t really, ah, do nicknames, and he doesn’t mind that. And we both get a laugh whenever I decide to give it a try and end up messing it up.”

————–

I decided to write it like Gwen was saying the reply, even though she doesn’t talk half this much and wouldn’t have actually shared about 90% of that with anyone rofl

Maybe think about it like a journal entry instead lol I don’t wanna rewrite it agh

[radicalecks]

So over the course of the last five or so days I’ve come out to my immediate family, which means with one old highschool friend as an exception, I’m now out to everyone close to me on any level who I care to specifically come out to. Earlier today I had a conversation with my dad, and while it’s gone incredibly well with my brother and my Aunt, my dad is (not exactly surprisingly) taking some time to process it and the conversation was kind of somewhere between awkward and uncomfortable. Not negative, mind, but uncomfortable. He asked me a few times over the course of that conversation what being transgender “means” and I... honestly, there were a lot of questions I was prepared to answer, but not that one, not three times in a row, so I fumbled a bit and I don’t honestly know if he was even looking for an answer. But, while I want to give him some time and distance to grapple with this, I... want to give him a better answer to that question. It’s still not gonna be an answer that actually explains it, because this is entirely tied up in personal, subjective experiences and I can’t pull him or anyone else into my head so they can KNOW what being transgender is, or what it feels like or etc. to really know why this makes sense to me. But y’know, maybe it can be of some help to someone who’s trying to understand this. I’m going to send it as an e-mail, but I wanted to write the draft out here specifically for that reason; maybe this can help things.

As a disclaimer, I’m 4 months on HRT and I’ve known for about 6 months total, so I am very much still new to this whole thing. On the one hand, I expect my  perspectives might change and this might not be representative years down the road, but on the other I feel like being this close to the catalytic realization might help a bit. My memories of that first week aren’t cast in amber yet.

So yeah, the draft will be under the cut. Feel free to read if you want, I just suspect this is going to be long and I didn’t want to massively extend everyone’s dashes with my prattling.

Dad, earlier today when we talked, you asked me to try and explain what being trans even is, what it means, and I honestly wasn’t really ready for that question, which I’m sure might’ve made me look undecided or unconfident in a decision/way of being I think we both consider extremely big. I wanted to try and tackle that question again, through text this time ‘cause I can organize my thoughts better when I’m writing, and maybe give a better/more thorough/more satisfactory answer. At the same time, I know this is a lot to process. Believe me, I know that. So, if you think you need more time to reckon with it, then please feel free to read this e-mail later. It’s probably going to run fairly long, for one thing. So, yeah, get to this when you’re ready for it, don’t feel obligated to read it just ‘cause I’m sending it now. It’s the last thing I’ll say on the subject until you let me know you’re ready to talk about it again.

---

The difficulty here, though, is that I’m trying to describe a sensation, a subjective experience that you’ve never had. One of the most common metaphors for the whole thing is trying to describe to someone who’s never broken a bone what it feels like; the best you can do is sort of flail language around and try to get to some sort of approximation. I’ve never broken a bone myself; I’ve watched a couple videos so I guess I imagine in addition to pain there’s probably a lot of really strange sensations that go along with it? I honestly don’t know. It’s... kind of the same way with this. The best I can do is kind of paint a vague, blurry picture of it and hope when that picture is received, it kind of approximates my internal experiences.

Now, I can give you the, I guess in a sense clinical? definition of transgender, which is someone who has a gender identity other than the one they were assigned at birth. That’s a bit of a jargon-filled sentence, I get that, but it’s a bit more accurate than older explanations which talk about feeling like you’re born in the wrong body (not my experience at all, honestly), or other tropes. That said, I don’t think it’s really useful here, so I’m mostly just introducing it to get it out of the way.

I could also talk just in terms of like superficial effects, like the fact that since I realized this, I’m more engaged with the people around me and with all of the communities I’m involved in. I’m being more responsible, I’m trying to take actual steps forward to improve my life, I’m actually dating a girl now! I have goals, I feel like I’m making progress for the first time in a long time. I have a stronger sense of who I am. Some of this is honestly probably kind of incidental, though, and it doesn’t really say anything about what the actual experience of being transgender is either. I mean, I guess it kind of characterizes the realization as a positive event that is having knock-on positive effects in my life, so a net good, but I don’t honestly think “a good thing” is a sufficient explanation. I’ll start there, though: this realization, regardless of the hardships I might encounter in life because of it, has in just a general sense improved my life significantly and given me a sense of drive about keeping that moving. That might not be the experience of every transgender person, and honestly it kind of underscores how lucky I am to be in the position I am, but still. It’s not a negative thing to me.

But I figure the best way I can explain it is by contrasting my experiences before and after. Not really anything in particular I’m doing, but rather the ways I experienced and processed the world at large. This is my vague and blurry picture; this is the best I can do at this point. So! To start with, and this kind of ties in to the fact that I’m actually dating a girl right now; my experience with the idea of relationships and romantic involvement has been historically categorized with a sort of vague and unidentifiable discomfort with the whole idea. The idea of dating was offputting to me, even if there were people I really wanted to date; anything else in that particular category of thought was just so utterly uncomfortable I tried to avoid any discussion of it and just sort of shut down when it came up.

But beyond that, my emotional world as a whole was just dulled. It’s something I’ve only been able to realize since I started hormones, but I literally was experiencing the entire world through like, a thick layer of cotton. The only things that ever really provoked any sort of emotional response out of me were extreme events, but outside of that I just... didn’t have a lot. I’d feel happy sometimes, I guess? But not really anything compared to now. There was also always a sense of aimlessness in my life that I just couldn’t shake. I had basically no ambition in me; I was just going to get a degree eventually and get a job ‘cause that’s sort of the arc of life I’d sent myself on, and in a lot of ways I felt more like a passenger or an observer than an actual participant. That’s all changed; I actually have an inner experience of emotion and a sense of agency in my life, like I can make choices, set goals, and pursue them rather than just listlessly drifting on whatever course life sets before me. I had a couple things I was somewhat passionate about before but I feel like I can actually engage with everything I want to do in a passionate way.

I’ve found community in other people with similar experiences; I feel connected both to them and to the people I’m close to in a way I’ve never felt connected before. Like, I guess the best way to break this down is that, without even realizing it, I had been living life feeling like I was half a person, and I’m whole now, and I’m healing from that. I know (believe me, I know) that being transgender isn’t easy and that I’m probably carving out a fairly difficult path for myself, but I am being entirely honest here when I say that whatever difficulties I face, the positive I’ve already derived and will continue to derive from this transition, this path I’m walking, will vastly outweigh it.

So, yeah, that’s... that’s the best I can do at kind of trying to triangulate in on my experiences. I can’t really explain what it’s like to have that revelatory moment, or what it’s like to “feel” like I’m a woman, any more than you could describe to me what it was like when you shot yourself in the foot or broke your arm. But I hope this, I guess, gets us halfway there?

I’m going to end by also saying that I meant it when I said that this wasn’t going to change anything. I am honestly still the same person you’ve always known; my personality isn’t going to undergo any dramatic shifts off into completely new territory. I still play video games probably too much; I’m still too wrapped up in the world’s issues, and all that; I still like Indian food and pasta and action movies and all sorts of music. I’m still the same person I’ve always been and in broad strokes that’s not going to change. I’ve just been wrong about some aspect of myself for a long time without realizing it, and I’m finally correcting the record. But I’ll always be your kid, and I’ll always love you.

[howlsmovinglibrary]

Review: Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor

Lazlo Strange, war orphan and junior librarian, is obsessed with the mythic lost city of Weep. But it would take someone bolder than he to cross half the world in search for it. Then a stunning opportunity presents itself, in the person of a hero called the Godslayer and a band of legendary warriors, and he has to seize his chance or lose his dream forever.

It’s hard to say anything in this review of substance (which is why it has taken so long to write), other than the fact that I utterly loved this book.

Strange the Dreamer was a beautiful novel, and is now in fact my new favourite book of all time. And I do not say that lightly – the last ‘favourite book’ I had lasted for six years. But Strange the Dreamer sucked me in with its marvellous world building and lyrical prose: I couldn’t put it down. I read it on the bus, while walking to and from the bus to work, for five hours straight on the train, and one awkward moment where I literally walked into another person while reading it. I’m not saying its perfect, there are definitely flaws in it that I would freely admit are there, but honestly, this book was just lovely.

Things I liked about it:

The mystery. From the moment Thyon takes Lazlo’s journals from him, I was hooked. This is a spoiler free review, but I can tell you now that this book constantly had me wanting more. Wanting to know more, wanting to understand more, just wanting more and more detail on the world and the people in it. It’s actually really clever, because you end up becoming paralleled with Lazlo, because you’re both so hungry for knowledge. By 70% of the way through, I had a theory about what was going on, and while I was proven right, after about three pages of being smug, the book just turned the tables on me and threw me a plot twist I really did not see coming. The story was constantly shifting and throwing me unexpected curveballs. The final three chapters were a perfect cliffhanger.

The writing. By page 5, I was annotating because I loved the writing so much. To put this in context, I have only annotated two non-course based books (Uprooted and Howl’s Moving Castle), and that was on my third and fourth read-throughs. But the writing was so beautiful that I wanted to be able to open on a page and find a quote.  There’s definitely a tendency towards purple prose at points, and it might be offputting for some, but once my brain became attuned to the language and accepted a little over-embellishment now and again, I was blown away by Taylor’s imagery.

Lazlo. If there was ever a perfect cinnamon roll, it’s example lies in Lazlo. Bookish, witty, well intentioned and kind, Lazlo is a truly compelling protagonist. He offers a unique and interesting take on the world and, as I said above, the perfect parallel to the reader themselves, constantly wanting to know more and understand the world he finds himself in.

Things to be aware of:

There is instalove in this book. If you have read The Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy, this probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you. I was able to stomach this a little more in the case of this book, as I think it makes more sense in context, but this was the one moment where I had to fight an eye roll.

BE WARNED:

This novel does contain triggering material. There’s only one act of physical violence on the page, but sexual and physical violence definitely permeates the back story in a palpable way.

OVERALL RATING: 5/5

[insertimaginativenamehere]

thank!! I love your writing so much it's frankly ridiculous. for Cleo & Lemony brotp, “You’re too good for this world.” or “Don’t look at me like that.” whatever you want!

I’m gonna do both because I love these prompts oh man. I managed to fit them into the same thing and I’m delighted.

I love writing for ATWQ and we don’t deserve Cleo Knight she really is too good for this world. Really.

(both lines ended up being given to Lemony because he’s the one who speaks in cliches like dude calm down)

-

They were at Cleo’s lab and she was showing Snicket some quick experiments. Mostly the dramatic ones that, as a chemist, you always show people to impress them, the ones that fizzed and bubbled and looked like they had opened a portal to hell no less. He seemed suitably impressed, asking just the right amount of the right questions. Moving on to the matter of business, she showed her progress on the invisible ink formula and explained how she was working through the snags to make it suitable for easy mass production.

“With this,” she explained, to assuage her own fears as much as anything else. “We can rewrite Stain’d-by-the-Sea’s legacy as more than just catastrophic environmental destruction and industrial scale animal abuse. We can put ourselves back on the map. Hopefully not in invisible ink, but with it.”

Snicket shook his head, smiling strangely. “Cleo, you’re too good for this world. I hope you realise that. You’re doing something amazing.”

She swelled with pride. “Well, I try. What about you?”

He frowned, evidently confused. “What do you mean what about me? I’m no world class chemist.”

“That wasn’t what I meant,” Cleo replied. “What I mean ‘what about you’ is what you’re doing for this town. You’re saving it.” She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “You aren’t from Stain’d-by-the-Sea, you don’t have this...emotional investment.” Not to mention financial, in the case of Cleo’s family. “And yet you’re putting yourself on the line for people you’ve just met. Why?”

He shrugged. “It’s what I do. What I’m trained to do. I can’t help it, but I can help the town.”

“What do you mean ‘trained’?” Cleo asked, peering at him over her glasses.

“I had an unusual education,” he replied lamely.

Cleo studied him curiously. He was so much of a mystery. Around twelve or thirteen years old, but somehow older, with that strange air around him. Sometimes he seemed so distant, so thoroughly odd. All of them liked him and he knew them, but none of them knew him. He was just Snicket. And Cleo wasn’t altogether sure what that even meant sometimes, if ever.

He shifted a little under her gaze. “Don’t look at me like that. Like some kind of formula to solve. Moxie does it too, it’s the journalist in her looking for the story. Pip and Squeak, and Jake too, they use a fictional frame of reference, a phrase which here means they compare with novels to try and figure out what sort of character I’d be. I guess I don’t mind exactly, it’s just a little offputting when you’re trying to hold a conversation.” He offered Cleo an awkward sort of smile, his particular sense of humour shining through.

“Sorry,” Cleo returned the smile. “I didn’t mean to. You know how it is. It’s hard to let questions slide without searching for answers.”

Snicket nodded, a look of intense concentration on his face. Thinking of questions for which he was seeking answers? “I understand.” He went quiet. “Please don’t take any of this personally,” he said eventually. “It isn’t. There are just things I can’t talk about and-”

She cut him off. “It’s alright. Everyone’s entitled to secrets. That’s what they’ll buy invisible ink for, isn’t it?”

“No,” Snicket replied cynically. “They’ll buy invisible ink to share secrets, and scheme, and plot. Not keep them. Anyone who wants to keep secrets keeps them safe inside their head.”

“The point is, while everyone calls you an associate because that’s the word you use and it makes them all feel mysterious and cool, we consider you a friend.” He said nothing. “Do you follow?”

He nodded. “Cleo,” he said, smiling faintly, uncertainly, “You really are too good for this world.”

[sleepymarmot]

DS9 season 4 liveblog

[Season index: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 PS]

The Way of the Warrior

they changed the music! I liked the original arrangement better. I guess they decided that if they have to change the opening titles, better redo them from scratch?

I love how the Klingon general dramatically cuts his hand. It's like looking at the origins of an ancient ritual which real and very important meaning has long been forgotten. Tbh I thought the crew would do the same in the previous episode, but they went for the less dramatic blood tests :D

How was the Obsidian Order destroyed? The Dominion destroyed the fleet that the Order wasn't even supposed to have. What about all of their normal agents, infrastructure, gathered intelligence? 

"Not like you? Impossible" (note: as I prepare to publish this post, having just finished season 5, it seems this line was the last time they ever shared a flirty moment... rip garashir 1993-1995)

finally!

please stop reminding me about that awful movie thanks

Poor Worf is so awkward as usual

"And I find you offensive. Now hold up your arm, or I'll have the security do it for you"

"Captain Sisko bet me that you would thank him for the rescue before you started complaining." "I lost."

The Visitor

I have a hard time becoming invested in stories like this, when I know that the entire timeline would be undone by the end. The final scene did manage to make me tear up a bit, but overall I'm not impressed. At least it's not outright terrible like The Inner Light...

Hippocratic Oath

Wait, did Bashir get promoted between seasons?

I don't think that joke about Keiko was very good :\ But this is the second time Miles comes really close to confessing his love for Julian... what's up with that

seriously, why does the new theme have such a messy rhythm? it's as if the beat is out of sync with the melody

Odo is such an unusual security officer, of course there's conflict between him and Worf. I'm glad they're addressing this!

of course O'Brien does a transporter trick

oh come oooon O'Brien do you really need to be such a jerk this week

Sisko is nicer to Worf than I expected

the last scene between Bashir and O'Brien is very poignant

Indiscretion

The runabout scene with Kira and Dukat is unsettling because this rhetoric is too real...

The Worst Field Trip(tm)

Julian & Jadzia's Judging Corner: priceless

honestly the absolute last thing i expected was for Dukat's butt to get so much attention...

Ziyal looks much younger than someone who was 13yo six years ago

halfway through the episode I thought Ziyal would be that Cardassian girl from season 2, I mean there was a reason for that scene, right? right?

great episode

Rejoined

Oh, Dax got promoted too

Trill society sounds dumber and dumber with each episode

Kahn is so beautiful, charming and well-dressed. damn

how did my mom manage to walk into the room just as they kissed? is that a special parent talent

;_;

"your work produced the first artificially created wormhole in history" not counting, you know, THE wormhole

welp. a romance episode finally made me cry :(

Starship Down

Wait, is the alien played by Odo's actor? 

this is like a really boring version of "Disaster"...

Dax knows Bashir now better than a year ago? He hasn't changed much over the past year, the difference is rather between seasons 1-2 and later ones, plus they seemed pretty good friends in season 1 already, not like "she was avoiding him" -- in fact, I thought she was his only friend at the time. Their body language is cute as hell though.

Damn, I could hardly keep track of the plot in this one... or why the characters were saying what they were saying... how dull

you know what was the selling point of The Disaster? characters in unusual combinations and roles! I see none of this here...

Little Green Men

ew using someone else's tooth sharpener

omg Odo! :D

what, Klingons and Vulcans didn't have warp drive by 20th century?

The Sword of Kahless

what, this was the little boy we saw in TNG? Klingon children sure grow fast...

is this sword telepathically infected or something?

So, when Worf was acting OOC he wasn't under outside influence? okay... I enjoyed this episode, but under the assumption that Worf's dishonorable actions would be explained

Our Man Bashir

Bashir's taste is about as lame as Picard's...

"I think I joined the wrong intelligence service"

"This is more than I ever wanted to know about your fantasy life" same tbh... it's enough to remember these gross tropes exist somewhere out there, I don't need them in Star Trek reenacted by my faves

This just made me remember how much I dislike James Bond... We just had a cheesy 20th century pastiche two episodes ago, but at least I don't have anything against that genre. Not to judge what people do behind the holosuite's closed doors, but it's pretty offputting to see a 24 century man so enamored with this sexist fiction. And I have pretty much the same reaction to kisses with not-Kira and not-Dax as in the Mirror Universe episode, though to a lesser degree; that was pretty gross and exploitative. It's as if someone decided that the show wasn't straight enough after Rejoined and decided to compensate...

Also I think this was the first time ever that Bashir wasn't happy to see Garak. It feels strange and sad...

I expected Garak to spend all episode making fun of silly tropes, but the little he said was pretty weak. Though I liked the confrontation in the end and the way Bashir repeated Garak's speech.

And I don't think they even took advantage of the J. B. initials. Come on! :D

Homefront

"I prefer Klingon beliefs. Our gods are dead. Ancient Klingon warriors slew them a millennia ago. They were more trouble than they were worth." I think I prefer Klingon beliefs too...

Why did Sisko put on TNG-type uniform?

Is that Leah Brahms?

Very relevant story about security vs civil rights, and it's very fitting for Odo to be here -- not just because of the plot. I really like the thematic unity between the changeling storyline and Odo's personal issues as a character.

Come on, it's so easy to deprive the entire planet of power?

Paradise Lost

This title is very ominous...

Cadet Shepard haha

I think I've heard this boast... "We have five million Cybermen. How many are you?" "Four." "You would destroy the Cybermen with four Daleks?" "We would destroy the Cybermen with one Dalek!"

So, Earth and DS9 can communicate in real time? But in the previous episode, DS9 "received a recording of a high level diplomatic conference that took place on Earth a few days ago". I assumed the delay was due to the distance, but apparently not -- was the recording just classified before someone decided to send it to Sisko?

Wait, what President's speech? Did I miss something?

I liked the first part better. So, the changeling terrorist attack on the same week was just a coincidence? Everyone seemed to forget about that...

Crossfire

Odo/Kira scene is cute instead of irritating for once

"You could hear that?" "*points to lobes* Hello?"

"I have reason to believe someone is planning to assassinate First Minister Shakaar" and by someone you mean Winn?

Odo and Worf discussing security and order! 

are they replacing Odo/Kira/Bareil with Odo/Kira/Shakaar? How many nice but bland Bajoran dudes can be in love with her?

"Frankly, I don't care whether you and Major Kira end up living happily ever after or not. I just want to see the situation resolved" same

ok, I get it, falling in love makes you very upset, bad at your job, and is sad and frustrating to watch on tv screen. nothing new here

Return to Grace

"Is that what you kept track of during the occupation? No wonder you lost"

"It bothers him, you know. Very much. He talks about it sometimes" crocodile tears... literally

some men just won't take a hint...

wait, since it was previously mentioned that Cardassian flirting is bickering, does Dukat genuinely misinterpret Kira and think he's got a chance here??

so much for keeping Klingon secrets from the Cardassians...

There's something about this dynamic I really appreciate, but I can't yet articulate it. The way Kira confidently and unflinchingly deflects all the bullshit he sends her way? How she is allowed to be right in her unforgiving stance? That being civil and working together with someone and seeing their better side does not mean all their past (and present) misdeeds are forgotten and they're suddenly your friend? Maybe this is the infamous "grey morality" done right -- not the indiscriminate tolerance and moral relativism, but allowing the other side to plead their case without losing sight of what made them "the other side" in the first place.

Sons of Mogh

Jadzia has a great "I'm gonna fuck that" face

"Charged with murder?" Have these people never heard of assisted suicide?

"I don't give a damn about Klingon beliefs, rituals or custom" ohhh so when we talk about Bajoran religion we all have to be tolerant and culturally sensitive and understanding, but Klingons are not allowed to perform their own rituals among themselves?

Wait, did Kurn consent to this or?...

A second good Klingon episode in the season that is tainted by the heroes' inexplicable immoral decisions. Last time Mr. Honor attemped murder in the most dishonorable day possible; this time ritual assisted suicide was deemed outrageous but likely nonconsensual mindwipe is an acceptable solution. The former can be headcanoned away with the assumption that the sword had some curse on it. My headcanon for the latter: people other than Sisko wouldn't have objected to the ritual (Dax canonically, O'Brien was implied to), so they accepted Worf's other solution on the same grounds.

Bar Association

Haha, Odo brings up Rascals, one of TNG's most ridiculous security failures :D

"Have you have any idea how bored I used to get sitting in the Transporter room waiting for something to break down? Here, I've a half dozen new problems every day. This station needs me" Damn, I hoped he got to do something interesting that we just weren't shown...

Wait, O'Brien got into a physical fight with Worf of all people?!

"If this was Ferenginar, I'd have you all taken to the Spire of the Tower of Commerce, displayed to the crowds in the Great Marketplace below, then shoved off, one by one. Small children would bet on where you would land, and your spattered remains would be sold as feed mulch for gree-worms" lol remember Quark's little speech about Ferengi not being barbaric?

I really care about this messed up family...

Yaaaaay I'm so happy for Rom! :D

Ferenginar sounds no less oppressive than Cardassia. I want a revolution! You know what, now that the Dominion has kindly disposed of the Tal Shiar and the Obsidian Order, can it take the FCA next? I, for one, would welcome our new gelatinous overlords in this case...

(I'm not a fan of that Leeta/Bashir background noise, thank you very much.)

Accession

"Quark, did you hear? Chief O'Brien is having a baby!" "I thought your females carried your young."

people from the past should stay in the past... apparently only 50 years ago Bajor was a pretty oppressive place too... 

"Maybe you never realised this, Captain, but we would've tried to do whatever you asked of us when you were Emissary, no matter how difficult it seemed" well that's creepy

oh come on Kira, don't follow your religion so blindly...

O'Brien and Bashir is the real love story of this show istg

oh god they have an untouchable caste too

and of course the aliens can't tell which is the true Emissary because the word "first" isn't in their vocabulary lol

The aliens say "First. Later. They have no meaning to us." -- and in the same conversation use grammatical tense to indicate the order of events: "This IS the one that WAS injured." "He WAS injured" "We KEPT him with us" "The Sisko TAUGHT us" -- so they must have some perception of time

"We are of Bajor" oh? since when do you even know that word? did the poet teach you?

these two are so awkward that poor Keiko has to play matchmaker for her own husband :D bless her

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the direction of this story... Sisko was completely right to feel uncomfortable as a saint for a religion he doesn't believe in of planet he's not from, but it turned out he's so awesome that the Prophets chose him over the man from this culture who fits the descriptions in the sacred texts. Because only an enlightened human can lead the silly natives -- by following one of their own they'd go back to the dark ages! Yuck.

I've seen more than half of the show now... time flies fast.

Rules of Engagement

Courtroom episode!

I like the clever cinematography & editing

Hard Time

Poor O'Brien...

Well. This was really upsetting. I've been crying for several minutes now.

TNG repeatedly failed to show the recovery after a character's traumatic experience -- specifically, Picard's loss of time in The Inner Light and imprisonment and torture in Chain of Command. DS9 finally delivers an episode just about that -- even if the next week the status quo will be restored and I'll have the same complaint. 

What Miles goes through is completely horrific -- so much that I can't imagine how one can survive that. Even as a viewer I want to wipe this from my memory and pretend it didn't happen... For my own peace of mind I'm gonna pretend O'Brien's friend was a part of the simulation, and later he managed to erase it all from his mind somehow.

Now I kinda want a story where the characters become self-aware and O'Brien decides to get away from his sadistic writers (and Bashir helps him, sacrificing their friendship for O'Brien's well-being).

Shattered Mirror

Always nice to see Worf's hair loose

Well, at least Dax is angry at Sisko for the rape by deception...

Why is Kira still wearing that shit...

at this rate you won't have any characters left for the next episode

The Muse

will this adult woman leave Jake alone

poor Sisko

Odo: "Actually, I have some free time and I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk." Worf: "I would." Odo: "I meant Lwaxana."

"Well, just don't go do what I did. Look for someone to fix your broken heart then end up pregnant and on the run." "I don't think there's too much danger of that happening."

aah Odo makes her a blanket! (well, I guess he owed her a night of sleep on his lap...) this entire scene was so sweet

eww not the pedo woman again

why must I watch this

Odo and Lwaxana playing hide-and-seek!!! this is the best thing ever

oh my god this is such a fanfic trope

ew can I just fast-forward through this?

"If you don't mind, this is a very special moment for me"

"You know, for a minute there, I really believed you wanted to marry me" ahh poor Odo's face :( even when he literally declares he wants someone in his life, that person thinks he didn't mean it...

aaaaaah! the goodbye scene!!! Lwaxana is so good! this is so significant and beautiful, this is Lwaxana recognizing and preventing her biggest negative trait/habit (pursiung and harassing disinterested men) with one of her more rarely shown positive traits (compassion and emotional intelligence)

i don’t know what to say about an episode where the main story is 0/10 but the side story is 10/10

For the Cause

Finally, some info on replicator sharing policy! "The Federation only gave Bajor two CFI [industrial] replicators” 

"If she's really a Maquis, then she's no longer a Federation citizen" wait what?! I thought this was the entire reason Starfleet had to keep them in check -- because they were Federation outlaws! have they proclaimed their own state while I wasn't looking?

have they recast Ziyal? she looks different

I don't appreciate all this UST

"I would not become a terrorist. It would be dishonourable" "I wouldn't say that around Major Kira if I were you"

she... invites him... to a SAUNA??! ohhh my god whyyyyyy who wrote this

You go Kira!

okaaay I definitely missed something major about the Maquis formally leaving the Federation

well at least Cardassians enjoy their saunas fully dressed, that's a relief. the idea of lizard people lying around on heated rocks for relaxation is actually really cute, though

To be honest, I was dreading Garak's scenes in this episode. It seems that the writers ran out of Mysterious Past and Unclear Motivations to hint at, and stripped of that he's just... not particularly interesting. Plus, this episode confirmed my unpleasant impression that starting with this season, the producers/writers decided to forcibly drag Garak and Bashir away from each other and throw girls at them no matter how random and/or inappropriate it looks. At least they recast Ziyal so now she actually looks 19 instead of 13! (The problem is, in the previous episode she acted like a child, too, and you can't forget that she's a generation younger, so it's still pretty gross.)

Eddington's point about assimilation would have worked better without the rest of that inane speech. "Why is the Federation so obsessed with the Maquis? We've never harmed you" -- They're obsessed because you're a threat to their foreign relations, what's so hard to understand about that? "We've left the Federation" -- When? When?! Left Starfleet, sure, but the Federation?! Isn’t that the entire reason Starfleet is pursuing them -- because the Federation is responsible for handling its citizens and stopping them from committing crimes against its neighbor!?

To the Death

Iconians -- that's from "Contagion", right?

I like this guy...

"What is the point of doing battle if you cannot enjoy the fruits of victory?" "You mean sleep?" :D

I love how Whatshisname casually gives out the white, rolling his eyes and barely moving attention from his plate -- so different from the Jem'Hadar perspective we saw in Hippocratic Oath!

"I didn't know that was public knowledge." "You told Commander Dax." "Well, that explains it."

O'Brien's answer to the Jem'Hadar! "I am Chief Miles Edward O'Brien. I'm very much alive and I intend to stay that way"

The Quickening

bwahaha

whoa, a city? if it the first one we've seen in the Gamma Quadrant? lovely matte painting

of course they make everything worse. Because being Culturally Advanced and Civilized won't always instantly solve any problem, and hospices and euthanasia aren't evil.

"I was so arrogant I thought I could find one in a week." "Maybe it was arrogant to think that. But it's even more arrogant to think there isn't a cure just because you couldn't find it." Good one, Dax! We're really going back to the pivotal traits of his character in this episode. (Someone on the writing staff: "Hmm, we haven't mentioned Julian's arrogance and hero/savior complex for a couple of months...")

He swallows his pride and decides to stay! I'm proud

I did have a suspicion that the pregnancy would solve everything...

I'm really glad the local doctor wasn't villainized! When Bashir was setting up his clinic I was afraid that he'd raise the townspeople to destroy it or something.

Bashir has more luck with medical episodes than Crusher and Pulaski...

Body Parts

Jadzia's female solidarity!

Alright, how is this one episode going to fit in Keiko's pregnancy (and presumably childbirth?), Quark's condition, Brunt, and Garak? 

Federation technology is amazing...

Second time someone calls DS9 a "Cardassian monstrosity". That would make a good tumblr url... Wait, it's not even taken -- I'm very tempted...

of course Brunt bought him, why else would he be in the opening credits? :D this is so beautifully malicious

finally an episode that makes Quark look like a good person

Garak's face says "Killing you sounds like a great idea" :D :D

This is the most delightfully bizarre way to handle an actress' pregnancy :D

QUARK SHOPPING FOR MURDER-SUICIDE OPTIONS WITH GARAK =  AMAZING

(not to mention very relatable...)

This is Garak's best outing in the entire season, tbh :D

Don't forget to undo your contract with Garak...

aww

This was a blast! This is a huge step in Quark's character development: following Nog and Rom, now he decides to break his society's rules. I'm very happy. ...But what about Garak, though?

Broken Link

Poor Odo...

aw encouraging Quark

"I'm thinking of asking Julian to come live with us. Even things up a little" Is that the only reason? ;)

"Captain, I want to be judged. I'm the only changeling who's ever harmed another. I've spent most of my life bringing people to justice. Now that it's my turn, how can I run away?"

"Don't tell me you'd object to a little genocide in the name of self-defence?" This is such a Cardassian line...

Why human and not Bajoran?

Oh Odo, just as he got comfortable with his identity as a shape-shifter... :/

General impressions:

Bashir in season 4, a summary: "Friendship ended with Garak, now Miles O'Brien is my best friend" Seriously, though... O'Brien and Bashir's relationship has become one of my favourite parts of the show. They got lots of good content this season: countless casual/humorous scenes, conflict in Hippocratic Oath, need for each other's company in Accession, talking down from suicide in Hard Time... And Garak was the most underwhelming part of the season for me, both himself and his relationship with Bashir -- or lack of it. I'm not even asking for shippy stuff, I know it's not going to be canon, but can't they just share screentime and enjoy each other's company, like they did before and Bashir does with O'Brien now?

And while the writers seem unsure what to do with Garak now, Dukat continues to be incredibly entertaining. Need a personification of Cardassian oppression? An unwanted ally the protagonist(s) would barely tolerate? A pompous prick to make fun of? A dangerously charismatic speaker -- or a windbag who thinks himself much cooler than he is? A relatively sympathetic opponent to provide "grey morality"? Well, here's all of that in one character! And my favourite thing is that despite being so immoral, he's not actually an enemy plot-wise (at least so far), so instead of fighting, defeating, and getting him out of the picture, the heroes just keep telling him how much he sucks. An interesting antagonist with a decent amount of screentime -- the dream. But all of that was about the character in general, and my favourite thing about his two episodes in this season is that he's self-aware of his status as a Complex Antagonist and completely overestimates the "complex and sympathetic" part, and (mis)casts himself as some kind of sexy byronic antihero whose deep and rich inner world will eventually win over the feisty heroine. Meanwhile, Kira is really not into villain/protagonist pairings and just wants the creepy guy responsible for genocide against her people to leave her alone. This was filmed twenty years ago but looks like a parody/deconstruction of currently popular ships like reylo or solavellan -- I find it really hilarious. (Maybe I’d feel more grossed out than amused if his behavior disturbed Kira more -- but she seems so gloriously unimpressed!)

I generally like Klingons and was glad to see Worf again, all of his episodes had something that stopped me from fully enjoying them.

It was my impression that Kira’s screetime got reduced because of Nana Visitor’s pregnancy -- and it was actually a good thing for the show! I feel bad saying this about one of the only two main female characters, but Kira is obviously the writers’ favorite, and got the most attention over the past seasons, so stepping back a bit let other characters shine more.