#and not just online or on tv but irl as well I’ve had people treat me like shit because of it

[whimsyprinx]

ever few months something happens that makes me want to remind southern ppl that we’re not like a joke or bad or stupid or whatever else ppl like to paint southern folks as being

[juiceboxman]

Advice for New DMs

I’ve been lucky enough to have DM’d a weekly game for over a year now and I’ve had conversation with people irl and online about how they think about DMing but aren’t necessarily too confident in their own ability or don’t even know where to start. So here’s some things I would suggest to get started, things to keep in mind and advice about general stuff. Here we go;

1) Familiarise Yourself with the Rules. You can read the DMs Manual or the Player’s Manual for rules. You can find rules explained everywhere online from Roll 20 to DND Beyond. But if you don’t like reading, and I get that cause the thought of reading a 200+ page instruction manual on how to play a game does sound daunting, I would suggest watching or listening to Actual Play Shows. If you watch like a few episodes of Critical Role or Dimension 20, you kind of get the basics of DnD. That’s really all you need to start DMing, just the basics like “what which Dice do”.

2) Know your Players. DnD is a collaborative game and all good collaboration necessitates some base understanding of who you’re collaborating with. You don’t necessarily need to know the people you’re playing with very well, but just enough to get where you can decide whether these people are chill to play with. So say if you’re gonna be playing a horror/scary campaign and you know one of the people in mind for playing isn’t too into horror- maybe don’t have them play cause it will make them uncomfortable. That example is perfectly fine but it delves into extremes when you’re dealing with people who are just difficult. You can look up online and find tons of stories relating to bad dnd experiences with just rude, shitty people. I would like to clarify that by saying that these experiences aren’t a DnD problem- it’s a social group problem. If you hang out wih a shitty person they will inevitably do shitty things, and honestly its better that a shitty outburst occurs at a controlled environment such as a DnD Game than say a house party where all sorts of shit could happen. So know your players. If they’re cool people, they’ll make cool players. If they’re kind of shit heads, they’re going to cause a lot of issues and not the fun kind. Know the difference between “shenanigans” and “open disrespect” because you as the DM put a lot of work into the game, if the players don’t respect that- maybe don’t play with them. No dnd is better than bad dnd 

3) Know Your Game. This rule helps a lot if you are familiar with lots of DnD shows, which gives you a frame of reference for the type of campaign you wanna run. If you wanna go big dramatic epics with a lot of strict survivalist rules, Critical Role is a good place to reference. If you wanna go for balls to the wall humour with a lot of heart and emotional moments, NADDPOD is a good place to reference. You want a proper scary campaign, watch Sophomore Year from Dimension 20- it is primarily a comedy show but when they do drama they do DRAMA. Knowing your players allows you to know the game better. It took me quite a while in my own campaign t realise “Oh I’m not running a CR game, I’m running a NADDPOD game” and ater I realised that I was able to play it better. Know the game, know the genre, know what you and your players like and enjoy and try to maximise that fun.

4) Preparation. DMs do a lot of preparation whenever they intend to run a game. I would argue that the amount of preparation you want to do should be equal to the amount of time you’re willing to spend. Sad fact of life is that DnD, and other activities with friends, are all dependant on IRL scheduling. A campaign can fizzle and die out at a moments notice, not all stories get finished and if you wanna start any creative process that’s a reality you have to accept. I’m a creative person, I do quite a lot of writing and stuff on the side so when I do prep for DnD I don’t want to spend too much of my creative juice on a project that only six people at a table will know about compared to one that would feature a larger audience. Also if you have a busy schedule you might not have time to worldbuild, so short cuts help. So in those respects I don’t see anything wrong with being lazy. There are plenty of websites online where you can randomly generate maps, towns, characters- you name it. You don’t need to spend hours on end developing streets of a city that no one will walk down or lore behind businesses no one will ask about. You just need to be familiar enough with the history or your world, its vibe and tone in which you can effectively improv the rest. I’ve been DMing a game now for well over a year, I spend less than an hour a week doing prep. I write a few bullet points for stuff to bring up in the session, I make a brief map for encounters, I’ll look up monster stats, maybe draw up some homebrew and heroforge pictures of the NPCs- that’s it

5) Improv. I think 90% of DMing is pure improv. Depending how well you know your players and their characters, you can predict certain behaviours. So if you have an NPC say or do something that you know will gaina certain reaction from a player, that’s something you are certain about. Everything else however can be improv based. Players will surprise you. They’ll do weird dumb shit and they will do really cool game breaking shit. You have an NPC who was supposed to be a big villain? Well the PCs all teamed up and with an effective strategy, that NPC is now dead. It’s the lay of the land. The goal with prep is to have enough prepared that you can effectively pull stuff out of your ass with no issue. Improv isn’t necessarly difficult, all you really need is to listen. When a player responds to something and you feel its worth rolling for, have them roll for it. If tey roll well, tell them they did the thing. If not, tell them they didn’t. If the thing they asked for is impossible, tell them it’s impossible. You can come up with all sorts on the fly

6) DND isn’t like TV/BOOKS/MOVIES. DND is a weird medium of entertainment. Its a collaberative game where you all make a narrative, but a lot of strange stuff happens in between. Like if youre watching a movie or a show or reading a book you might think to yourself “why is this character spending twenty minutes talking to this waiter that genuinely isn’t that interesting?” or something like “why did the main villain die five pages in?” DND doesn’t follow a beat structure or format. Plot armor doesn’t fit here, it’s all decisions and luck- that’s it. Don’t be dissapointed in your work in regards to storytelling. Don’t worry about plot holes or inconsistencies, just focus on player engagement. If the players are having fun, then you’re playing the game right. You as the DM have to make sure that everyone is playing fairly and having fun. Treat your players equally, don’t be a dick, don’t be a pushover. You have to know what your players want, but also know what they don’t want. If your players like a weird NPC, have that NPC show up more cause they enjoy it. If your players discover an ability ot a magic object that left untouched will alter game play (e.g. one of my PCs recently gained an ability in which they gained the breath weapon of an ancient red dragon) that if used effectively could elminate all threat from any boss fight ever- don’t be afraid to NERF that. You need to be considerate about your enjoyment and the players enjoyment, its all in the balance.

That’s the main six points I have so far. If I have anymre I’ll be sure to add them. If anyone has any advice, feel free to add below. Hope this helps! Also; Brennan Lee Mulligan has a good podcast giving DM advice called Adverturing Academy. Has a lot of cool guests. The episode featuring Carlos Luna from Roll 20 is actually good career advice and gets me motivated just thinking about it. Definitely worth checking out!

[zodiyack]

Men-Sitting (700+ Follower Special!)

Pairing: Colson ‘Machine Gun Kelly’ Baker x Female!reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, me not proofreading

Note: This is my final Follower-Special (until I hit another goal) and I just wanna say thank you so fucking much to all of my followers, readers who don’t follow, random people who stumble across my blog, friends irl and online, thank you so so so much. I never thought I’d make it past 100 followers to be honest, so this is really big to me heh, and I don’t even know how to thank you guys- I love you all so so much, please stay safe, take care, and yeah. Again, thank you!

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace​

Masterlist

“Are you sure you have everything?” Y/n asked, for what Colson felt like was the thousandth time.

“Yes, baby, I’m sure. If we forget anything, one of us can stay with Casie while the other goes and gets the thing we’ve forgotten, alright? I promise, we’ll be okay.” His hands ran up and down her arms in a comforting way, the smile on his face having a similar effect as what his hands were attempting to achieve.

“Thank you.” She leaned in to kiss her boyfriend, but was interrupted by a squeal and little arms wrapping around her waist.

“Y/n!” Casie yelled excitedly, causing the couple to separate. The woman opened her arms and bent down, picking Casie up and hugging her tightly, a series of kisses finding their way to the little girl’s face.

“Hey there Cas! Are you gonna enjoy your trip?” The girl nodded, allowing Y/n to pull her up fully, wrapping her legs tightly around her waist. “Take care of your dad for me, okay?”

Casie nodded again, “I promise!” 

Colson sputtered out sounds, pretending to take offence. Unable to find the right wording for his feigned hurt, he gave up and grabbed Casie from Y/n, kissing her on the head before leaning over and kissing Y/n as well.

“We’ll miss you, right Casie?” The eight year old smiled and gave a small, “yea” before leaning over in Colson’s arms to hug Y/n again. He set her down, whispering in her ear to grab her stuff before he stood up again to kiss Y/n goodbye properly.

Their lips touched, then parted enough to speak, “Stay safe, alright?” Her fingers grasped his blond locks, they leaned in until their foreheads touched.

“Alright, I promise, we will.”

“So Casie, what do you wanna do first?” Pete raised his brows as he asked the girl, grabbing things from his suitcase to put in the hotel’s coat hanger part of their room. “Wanna eat ice-cream?”

“No.”

“Watch cartoons?”

“Nope.”

“Play a game?”

“No thanks.”

“Ummm...” He continued popping up questions, most of which he assumed a child around Casie’s age would want, but in truth, he really missed doing all those things. Eventually, he tired out, giving up with a groan as his back hit the bed. “I don’t know anymore kid, I’m all out of ideas.”

“We could listen to my dad’s music?”

Colson had gone to the store to get dinner, not something he’d forgotten, but something he’d promised to do. Buy food for their trip while they were there. The brunette bit his lip while he thought, even if it was different from his expectation, there was nothing wrong with listening to music instead, was there?

“Oh? Uh, yeah sure.” Pete leaned over to grab his phone, pulling up a random song of Colson’s and turning the volume up. He watched with amusement; Casie was dancing around and singling along, enjoying herself.

Maybe he misjudged Casie, or her age-range.

After a few more songs, Colson finally came back, arms full of bags filled with different assortments of food, beverages, and treats. The first thing Casie did was reach over to grab at one of the bags, examining it’s healthy contents with a grin.

“I’ve never seen a child so happy to see the opposite of junk-food in my entire life.” Pete snorted, walking over to help his best friend put everything away properly. “Casie, you want a candy?”

“No thank you. But can I have an apple?”

Even Colson turned his head towards the girl, the confusion laced through his brows as they scrunched, “You alright, Cas?”

“Yep. So is that yes or a no?”

He exchanged a look with Pete before tossing her the red fruit, mumbling something about how weird it was as he shook his head. Colson grabbed himself a small lollipop, popping it into his mouth and sitting next to Casie on the bed.

“So, what do you want to watch?” He grabbed the remote, flicking through the channels aimlessly. He paused on kids shows, only to receive a shake of the head from Casie. “You guys actually watch this shit?” Colson paused on one of the children’s shows, the look on his face displaying his incertitude.

“I don’t. Can we read instead?”

Colson’s head whipped to face his daughter so fast, he thought he broke it. “Who are you and what’ve you done with my baby girl?” Part of him was just trying to be a goof, but the other half was truly puzzled.

His phone began to ring, Y/n’s caller ID popping up. A smile made home on Colson’s, as well as Casie’s, lips when the beautiful bright e/c eyed girl appeared on the screen. “Hey baby!”

“Hey Y/n!”

“I wasn’t talking to you Colson, but hello to you too dork.” Hearing her laugh was worth the playful insult. ”So, Cas, you taking care of the boys for me?” the girl in question nodded, grabbing at the phone, only for her dad to pull it out of her reach.

“Not to be rude, Y/n, but why’d you call?” Pete sat next to the father-daughter duo, looking at the screen. “Also, where are you?” She was in a car, different from where the boys expected her to be at this hour.

“Well, since you guys are out, I decided to go shopping,” Y/n held up a candy bar, “so yeah. Hey, Casie, keep those two idiots safe, okay? I’ve got to go, love you all!”

She hang up, leaving Colson and Pete with a very uninterested looking Casie. The tv was still of no interest, the candy and others likewise. A heavy sigh escaped Colson’s mouth. He’d finally given up and gotten bored himself. Pete, however, came up with a theory.

“Dude, maybe Y/n put her up to this?” both guys sat up quickly as he continued, “I mean, she did seem mostly focused on how we were doing and if Casie was keeping us safe...whatever the fuck that means.”

Casie’s expression switched from neutral to one of horror for a quick second, until she corrected herself with a blank roll of her eyes. Noticing it, Pete smiled victoriously. He’d caught her. “Guess your game wasn’t as sneaky as you wanted it to be. Colson and I caught on in like, less than a day-”

“Actually,” the door creaked open, all three turning to face the door, “I think it was, Davidson.” 

“Y/n!! It worked! I got ‘em good!” Casie jumped off the bed and ran up to her father’s girlfriend, jumping into her arms and hugging her tightly.

“Yes you did! You did amazing, baby!” She reached into one of her back pockets and pulled out the same candy bar she’d shown in their facetime, handing it to Casie with a pat on the head, “Here’s the promised payment, princess.”

The three adults couldn’t contain their laughter with what came next; Casie’s unintentional comedy was too much for them, “Oh thank goodness! I had to eat an apple, Y/n! An apple!! Can you believe that?!”

[timextoxhajima]

ALL FOR A TASTE IS BASED ON AN ACTUAL FWB??

i’m shooketh because i’m so conservative i never once considered fwb were real (i swear for some reason i always thought it only existed in fics/tv shows/etc) esp cuz sg in general is conservative too(?)

i read all for a taste and phew,,,,, that’s hot 🥵🥵 (also you can ignore this part if it’s uncomfy and too personal) but i noticed in the fic….. sunwoo just pulled out (…protection?) …. was that part real too or just for the sake of the fic? i’m asking because i’m a virgin and i really don’t know how these things work irl and i would rather die than ask my irls 😭 again pls ignore if it’s too personal because i know it’s weird to discuss your sex life on the internet 😅😅

-🥯

yes it's based on an actual fwb HAHAHHA but it's not 100% carbon copy

[dw i'm fine i don't really care about talking about my sex life tbh] [also back on desktop so no emojis ;-;]

i’m shooketh because i’m so conservative i never once considered fwb were real (i swear for some reason i always thought it only existed in fics/tv shows/etc) esp cuz sg in general is conservative too(?)

HEY SURPRISE SURPRISE i also come from a conservative family HAHAH I'm just a bit of a wild child- like,,, both my parents are teachers and my sister's a nerd and I'm the one that's kinda rabz in school but a bit closet mugger? yeah you know that one kid-and actually you'd be surprised how many people our age in sg has done it/had an fwb/slept with their partners/hooked up w someone random. when i first stepped into this whole 'oh you're not longer a virgin' side of the story (cause, like you said, sg is still a conservative society and so once you lose it or u sleep w someone you kind of enter this side of society where you realise it's not all that uncommon) i was so surprised to realise that it's not that big of a deal?

LIKE OK NO IM NOT ENCOURAGING HAVING AN FWB BCAUSE IT WAS THE WORST FUCKING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE HE WAS AN ASSHOLE WHO, WHEN I FIRST STARTED TO IGNORE HIM FOR MULTIPLE REASONS, AND I SENT HIM A LONGASS ESSAY EXPLAINING WHY I THINK WE SHOULDN'T CONTINUE ANYMORE, HE REPLIED WITH A FUCKING FINANCIAL INVESTMENT IMAGE BEC HE'S A PART-TIME FINANCIAL ADVISOR FUCKING INSURANCE IDIOTS

but no! fwbs are a thing LMAO esp in hall also la like, it's just pretty common tbh. i also didn't know until i committed this sin too then when i told some of my closer friends they were like... and then?? ?? you think u special??? xx also sleep w xx udk meh

then i cuatio like HUH but ok ya AHAHHAHHA it's like an open book thing, if you don't look closely, you wouldn't know, but it's like always there.

i read all for a taste and phew,,,,, that’s hot 🥵🥵 (also you can ignore this part if it’s uncomfy and too personal) but i noticed in the fic….. sunwoo just pulled out (…protection?) …. was that part real too or just for the sake of the fic? i’m asking because i’m a virgin and i really don’t know how these things work irl and i would rather die than ask my irls 😭

don't mind me if this is tmi but like, ok the first time i slept w him we DID use a condom BUT we were both drunk and he had /issues/ LMAO so the condom was essentially gone to waste

the second and third time it happened (we only slept tgt like thrice and CAN U BELIEVE SOME OF MY FRIENDS DON'T THINK THAT'S ENOUGH TO BE CONSIDERED AN FWB LIKE////) we didn't use it :") because it was NOT FUCKING PLANNED.

granted this whole situ with him wasn't planned at all, like we didn't text each other and go hey do you wna be fwbs like no we slept tgt impromptu the first time bec we were drunk and the subsequent times because yk,

w covid a lot of things went online and his clique basically didn't stay hall, + he was the type to not talk to people and he kept his feelings to himself (he was struggling with a fresh breakup at that time, should've seen that red flag ngl, and he has family issues too) and so i was essentially his therapist and s*x doll into 1 and so it's just so shittily timed that whenever i go look for him to make sure he's okay and stuff,

yknow one thing leads to another and tada~ and yeah the subsequent two times we didn't use contraceptives because he told me he 'knew when to pull out', so like fine- and he did, so that wasn't an issue.

either way he's not my first sexual partner and i just wna say that while it's actually pretty hard to get pregnant if it's done with no protection, udk how many pregnancy scares i got throughout me 3-ish years of sexual activity? (I've had 1 boyfriend that i was sexually active with and 1 fwb)

I'm damn prone to stress and it fucks with my cycle, so it doesn't help when mid-cycle i slept with my bf (or in that specific case, my fwb) without contraceptives and it was a stressful time as well AND THEN MY PERIOD WAS LATE AND I PANICKED LMAOOOOOO

also love, don't be worried about being a virgin like, there's absolutely nothing worth being ashamed about. if anything, I'm kind of ashamed i had an fwb that used me more than treated me like an ACTUAL fwb, so- don't worry, love.

[possiblyimbiassed]

John’s “therapeutic” blog

I’ve been fascinated by the wealth of content in John Watson’s blog since I first noticed it; I think it was some time after S2. For being a complementary work to a TV show, it’s surprisingly well crafted and packed with information. Joe Lidster, who has written the fictional blogs and websites of John, Sherlock, Molly and Connie Prince, is a screenwriter who has been working also with Doctor Who and its spinoff Torchwood.

Unlike the rest of the content within the BBC Sherlock franchise, for example the online game ”Sherlock the Network”, the escape room “The Game is Now” or the book “Sherlock Chronicles”, John’s blog is fully available online for free, you don’t even have to register anywhere. And unlike the other blogs of the franchise (Molly’s and Connie Prince’s blogs and Sherlock’s website), John’s blog is lengthy and has a lot of posts in it. It gives us background and explanations of cases that aren’t mentioned in the show, or only referred to, and I also think it provides a “second opinion” of what we see in the show. It’s a bit like what John says in TLD:

It certainly seems like this blog has been created as a special little treat for the fans, since most of the casual viewers of the show probably don’t even know it exists ‘IRL’. But I think the blog is much more than that; partly because it’s so heavily referenced in the show – with frequent, accurate and exact pictures of it (at least until S4) – and partly because it tells us so much about John’s character. I think John’s blog is significant and important in trying to analyse BBC Sherlock. And maybe the version of John we see in the show will actually get more nuances to it if we look at the blog, which is expressly written by John himself?

More under the cut.

As some of you might know, I’ve written a meta series (X) where I try to explore the idea (originally from @raggedyblue​) that the blog describes the ‘real’ events in John’s and Sherlock’s life more accurately than the show, and that what we see in the show up until HLV is Sherlock reminiscing their life together while reading up on the blog. In my view, the show might be Sherlock’s embellished and dramatized version of the events - ironically a bit similar to what Sherlock usually accuses John of doing in both Doyle’s canon and on the blog. But I find the blog’s writing style far more prosaic than the show, and also more prosaic than Watson’s stories in ACD canon; in BBC Sherlock the roles might have been inverted compared to canon. 

An example of this would be the scene in TEH (which I talked about in this meta over a year ago) where Mary is (supposedly) reading the following un-published post directly from John’s blog editor:

“His movements were so silent. So furtive, he reminded me of a trained bloodhound picking out a scent. I couldn’t help thinking what an amazing criminal he’d make if he turned his talents against the law.”

Something doesn’t seem quite right here, though. While the rest of the post is text from another, already published, post (The Speckled Blond), this first part is taken almost verbatim from ACD’s story The Sign of Four (SIGN). It describes a crime scene where Holmes has just “whipped out his lens and a tape measure and hurried about the room on his knees, measuring, comparing, examining, with his long thin nose only a few inches from the planks and his beady eyes gleaming and deep-set like those of a bird”. I see a big style difference between this and the rest of John’s blog. Since the quote above never appears on the ‘IRL’ blog, I’d rather believe that in BBC Sherlock this is merely wishful thinking from Sherlock that happens inside his Drama Queen Mind Palace. This impressive description is, I think, what he would truly wish that John had written. ;)

I also suspect that the continuing references to different blog posts in S4 are all made up in Sherlock’s mind, since John’s blog ‘IRL’ stopped updating after TSoT, when Sherlock hacked it and took over the storytelling.

Be that as it may, this meta is a reflection upon what John Watson’s famous blog actually might stand for, and what I believe it tells us about his character. In these months of quarantine, I’ve been passing the time by reading through the whole online version of the blog and taking notes of it.

Therapeutic origin

It seems like the initiative for John to start a blog came from Ella Thompson, his therapist. I believe Ella’s initial idea was therapeutic; if it was almost impossible for John to talk to her about his feelings and inner problems in their sessions, she might have found it difficult to help him. Therefore she suggested that he write it all down on his own instead. And if Ella could persuade him to talk about his life on an online blog, she would also be able to read it.

Of course this wouldn’t be the same as if John told her about his inner reflections in confidence, in a real therapy session, but maybe the blog would give him an incentive to talk about his life at all. And you have to start somewhere.

At the end of TST we see Sherlock visit Ella, but when she asks him to “open up completely” he refuses. 

If S4 is happening inside Sherlock’s head (as I believe it is), this might have been Sherlock’s way of trying to psychoanalyse John, to ‘solve John’s case’, by envisioning the therapy situation in his mind palace. A well-known method of Sherlock Holmes is that he tries to put himself in the other person’s place and think about what his own response would have been to the situation. In ACD’s  story The Musgrave Ritual (MUSG), Holmes says: “You know my methods in such cases, Watson. I put myself in the man’s place, and, having first gauged his intelligence, I try to imagine how I should myself have proceeded under the same circumstances.”

Which is also evidence that the character of Sherlock Holmes does indeed not lack empathetic capacity. Also in the show, John’s assertion that Sherlock “doesn’t feel things that way” etc. is basically BS in my opinion. The problem is that John refuses to see this.

John’s state of mind before Sherlock

John’s first three blog posts (in the middle of December - January) seem to completely lack motivation.

And this is maybe what one could expect from the deeply depressed John (as he appears in the beginning of the show), isn’t it? No surprises there.

Everything seems meaningless, and John only makes two attempts at blog posts to comply with Ella’s recommendations, but he doesn’t actually write anything in them. After the second attempt his old army friend Bill Murray tries to contact him, but John seems to have cut off his ties with the rest of the world; he doesn’t answer the comment.

At the third attempt over a month later, John seems to want to delete the blog he has started, but lacks the technical knowledge to do so. The fourth attempt is just a snide comment to Ella:

She doesn’t respond, however (not very surprisingly perhaps). Instead, John’s sister Harry discovers the blog and tries out this means of communicating with him. But John ignores her.

But at the fifth attempt at least John has gone out with some friends and describes it – almost bitterly. Sadly, it also seems like John met up with them mainly to avoid his therapy session with Ella.

So, the problem is that whatever Ella may have thought that the blog would mean for John’s healing, I think she aimed well but unfortunately missed the target. John Watson does not ‘open up’ himself on the blog. When he finally starts to really write - after he met Sherlock - it’s not actually about him (supposedly); it’s all about Sherlock. Basically, John goes directly from ‘Nothing happens to me‘ to ‘Sherlock happens to me‘.

What the blog tells us about John ‘after Sherlock’

John’s blog may be all about Sherlock, but there isn’t actually that much praise for Sherlock in the blog posts as one might think. My impression is that John applies his (perhaps somewhat overestimated) writing skills to project his own failures and self-loathing on his closest friend. More than anything else, I think the blog is John’s emotional outlet for his frustration over his unsatisfactory relationship with Sherlock and his own inability to improve it. Instead of trying to actually talk to Sherlock, he uses the blog to vent his frustrations over Sherlock, speculating wildly about what he believes Sherlock is thinking and feeling.

The stories and adventures are thrilling and entertaining, yes. But his assessments of Sherlock’s character are really not very uplifting. John doesn’t strike me as an ‘analytic’ person, which in this case means that John’s theories about Sherlock are rather based on his personal emotions than logical conclusions. It’s sometimes even a bit difficult to follow the chain of events in John’s posts, because it’s usually so intertwined with his gossipy and out-of-context comments about Sherlock’s personality.

Unfortunately, Sherlock doesn’t seem to realise this projection, and neither do we see him address the issue of John’s misconceptions about him. I believe Sherlock takes many of John’s jibes and insults at him at face value, which – sadly - only adds on to his own self-loathing. I also think that Sherlock trying to draw conclusions about his mysterious friend through the written blog might be a mistake; it may eventually tell him a lot about John’s problems, but to see these he needs to look behind all the cover-up of blatant criticism of him, Sherlock. Maybe that’s what Sherlock’s trying to do in S4, by setting up scenarios in his mind palace?

Judging by how John comes across on the blog – and in the show – I think Sherlock’s claim “You’re abnormally drawn to dangerous people and places” in HLV is a perfectly sound analysis - on the surface. However, I think one must read between the blog lines in order to see other possible motives for John wanting to hang out with Sherlock. Reading John’s posts textually, he gives a strong impression that he’s there for the adventures; when there is danger in the air, John’s never bored.

In the comment section Sherlock never mentions John’s evaluation of his character. Instead he repeatedly criticises John’s writing style. I get the impression that this is Sherlock’s subtle way of getting back at John without having to directly address John’s misconceptions about him. As I said above, I think John’s writing style is very different from Watson’s style in canon; far less respect for Sherlock and a far more prosaic and simple language. Canons Watson seems careful not to speculate much, while John does this all the time.

Examples that form a pattern

There’s a good deal of praise of Sherlock in John’s posts, but it has almost exclusively to do with his admiration for Sherlock’s intellectual capacity; he’s repeatedly described as ‘clever’ and after the Fall, John claims that “nobody ever really outwitted Sherlock”. But in fact, I’ve found very few blog posts where John doesn’t also criticise or complain about Sherlock in some way or another. And there are only two posts (out of a total of 45) where John says something positive about Sherlock’s character:

1. After their first meeting he calls Sherlock “strangely likeable” and “charming”.

2. In what John meant to be his last post ever (he believed Sherlock was dead), he calls Sherlock “funny”, “charming” and “everything a good person should be”.

On the other hand, there seems to be nothing in John’s own (supposed) opinions about Sherlock that he regards as too negative or inappropriate to publish online. I very much think this is about self-loathing; he projects his own shortcomings on his “psychopath” friend and flatmate. Like it’s always a relief to have a scapegoat. An additional explanation might be that if John is closeted and in public denial about any romantic feelings for Sherlock, this makes him not want to appear too ‘besotted’ on the blog. ;) Thus, he might believe he needs to compensate the praise with criticism. Problem is, with this contradictory approach the readers might ask: What is John’s actual relationship to Sherlock? Handler? Hostage? Lover? Concerned citizen? It’s hard to claim he’s a ‘real’, professional colleague, since John’s actual profession is a medical doctor. But why would John be friends with a psychopath? 

To seriously claim that his best friend is a psychopath seems perfectly OK to John, though – he does it repeatedly, and quotes Donovan’s claim that Sherlock “gets off on it”. At the end of A Study in Pink, John talks about Sherlock and the serial killer as if they were both psychopaths, one undistinguishable from the other:

“The taxi driver drove him to a college of further education so they could both educate each other on - well, on how their minds worked, I guess. It's not something I'll ever really understand and, to be honest, I'm not sure I ever want to understand it. To be that much of a psychopath. To be that above the rest of us.”

John even seems to pretend to prefer ignorance to understanding, only to find one more opportunity to blame Sherlock. Here are some examples of other things John calls Sherlock publicly on the Internet:

Arrogant 

Rude

Imperious

Pompous

Madman

Freak

Childish and

Not safe. 

He also says on the blog that Sherlock is spectacularly ignorant about some things, like the solar system. 

Little Freudian slips

In the post titled The Speckled Blonde 

(which is basically a re-count of canon’s The Speckled Band - SPEC) John’s closet angst reaches new heights:

Apparently John finds it important to preventively point out to his readers that he was not sharing a bed with Sherlock. Or, actually, that he even preferred sleeping on the floor before sharing a bed with his flatmate. The thing is, however, that the information that they spent the night in Julias bedroom isn’t at all necessary for the story, since - unlike in ACD Canon - nothing of importance apparently happened during that night. John actually tells us nothing about the night as such. The only ‘feature of interest’ is that Sherlock found a suspect bottle of bubble bath on the victim’s night table, which he took to Barts for analysis (and he was right - the bath had killed Julia by poisoning). Obviously, John could have described this crime scene investigation entirely without mentioning that they had spent the night there. So, if this little morsel of information was so embarrassing for him, why did he even include it? Hmm... 

In my biased mind, I can only think of two alternative explanations (not mutually exclusive, though): 1. John had spent so much fantasies and subconscious energy on reliving this night that he just couldn’t keep this info entirely to himself (Freudian slip), or 2. Something actually happened that night - something that had no bearing on the case. After all, John never says that he slept on the floor, only that he was going to sleep on it. ;) 

Speaking of bubble bath, I find the fact that Julia died from it slightly suggestive, and even metaphorical, as such. Because there’s also another case on John’s blog describing someone dying in a bath: The Deadly Tealights. The victim suffocated in a bathroom where the candles consumed all the oxygen. John has included this little comment:

Why does John bring up the idea that a person taking a bath with candles would potentially be judged? What has his own bath routines to do with the crime case? Does the victim really need John to find excuses for his private life? Methinks this rather might be John’s closet angst speaking again. Someone has tried to belittle John for liking baths, and apparently John seizes the opportunity to vent about it on the blog. Metaphorically, this tells me that the closet is suffocating for John, and that the ‘chemistry of love’ is involved.  

John - The Moral Compass

John is often referred to as the part of the duo who a) is more sociable and b) works like a sort of moral guide to Sherlock. The detective, on the other hand, is shown as a “sociopath” who supposedly doesn’t understand this kind of things. And – to be honest – Sherlock doesn’t actively say much to contradict this perception; sometimes he even appears to agree with it.

(I think his actions should be a clue to the contrary, though).

According to the blog, John seems to believe he himself is the adult one in this acquaintance, the one who does understand the rules of society. He repeatedly calls Sherlock “childish”. Judging by John’s descriptions in the blog, one might almost think that John had been forced to hang out with Sherlock, trying to do the best of it. But seeing as it’s entirely voluntarily it’s a bit hard to understand, for example, how John can blame Sherlock for “leaving me and Sarah to be kidnapped” in The Blind Banker:

John makes is sound like Sherlock left them to the enemy deliberately, knowing that someone would come after them. But weren’t they at home, supposedly on a date? If John didn’t like it, couldn’t he have left any moment and gone out to continue the date he was supposed to? But no; John counts himself among the innocent persons whom Sherlock “involves in his adventures”:

After reading the whole of John’s blog, all I can say is that this guy is a living, breathing contradiction. How can he be Sherlock’s moral compass if his needle is spinning all the time? :))

In The Great Game John describes himself as just a “pawn” in Sherlock’s and the killer’s great game, equalling himself with the other victims. With his insinuations, he indirectly blames Sherlock for the death of 12 people and goes back to Sally Donovan’s “freak” accusations:

Another interesting bit is this, describing Sherlock’s reaction at the pool, when John for a moment appeared to be behind everything: “I should have been horrified that he'd even doubt me for a second…” Wait – what!? John is capable of telling the whole world the most damning rubbish about his friend, but if Sherlock for any second doubted John, he’d be horrified? This part is also of interest: “But the laser sight simply moved to Sherlock's head and I was forced to let go. For a second, I wondered if Sherlock would have done the same for me but then all I knew for certain was, at that moment, I knew I was going to die.”

Before that, John had just described what could easily be interpreted as Sherlock calmly trying to talk Moriarty out of having John killed, but to John this was just “The two men talked, both clearly pleased to…”.  In John’s view, he was the only one who was forced to let go of the killer because of the threat to Sherlock. Honestly, who is it, between the two of them, that most appears to lack empathetic capacity?

Creds and Competence

John appears to be a rather honest, humble and straightforward in the show, quite competent in his medical profession, and in TSoT he is highly praised by Sherlock:

But on the blog John is more ambiguous, and he isn’t always modest. Sometimes he appears to enhance his own role in the crime solving and take credit also for things that are clearly Sherlock’s doing. For example, in The Great Game there’s this: 

“Between us, we worked out that while Connie's death had been made to look like the result of a tetanus infection, it had actually been caused by poison - their houseboy, â–“â–“â–“â–“â–“, had overdosed her on Botox!”

But if we’re supposed to believe the show, John actually believed it was a tetanus infection, while Sherlock deduced and later demonstrated poison:

John also expresses a slightly childish vindictiveness in making a lot of fuss about Sherlock’s failures; every single time Sherlock can’t solve a case, John points it out on the blog with glee. It almost gives me the impression that the doctor is suffering from inferiority complex. He even uses  “Sherlock Holmes Baffled“ as a title for one of their cases.

This seems to be written in jest, since Sherlock frequently is rude about other people’s lower intellectual capacity, but actually hates ‘not knowing’. 

I admit that this may be funny to joke about once, but it gets a little tiresome that John has to point it out every time. Why does John even do this, even as Sherlock has explicitly asked him to not publish the unsolved cases? Which I assume would not be good for their business? 

If John truly is Sherlock’s colleague, wouldn’t he also be more interested in helping to solve the cases, rather than talk about the failures? It seems to me that John is struggling so hard against his own feelings for Sherlock that he feels the need to provoke rather than help him.

The Most Inhuman Human

Sherlock’s supposed lack of humanity is a recurring theme for John; he claims that “people” want to know that Sherlock is human, as if anyone - on the blog or in the show - except John had ever questioned this. 

I can’t remember anyone on the blog except John showing an interest in this issue, though. In the post Many Happy Returns he writes this (my bolding): 

“Yet the video... it showed the other side to him. He was rude, yeah. Arrogant. Apparently lacking in anything resembling empathy. But I'd forgotten just how funny he could be. He was so charming. So... human. It's bizarre because most people would say he was the most inhuman person they'd ever met. But he wasn't.”

He wasn’t? Wow - great revelation, John! [sarcasm :)]. But who said that, actually? Not even the haters and trolls on John’s blog ever claimed Sherlock was inhuman. It’s one thing that Donovan and Anderson called him a freak and a psychopath, but John is the only character I can think of who has ever implied that Sherlock would not be a human being. Only John calls him a ‘machine’. Which is a load of BS of course; John really doesn’t strike me as a professional doctor when he says this, even less as a friend - always trying to mark the distance.

So what’s Sherlock’s ‘complete lack of empathy’ in that video actually about (mini-episode here)? Was it because he didn’t want to go to a birthday dinner with people? Hardly - John seems to understand this about Sherlock. Or was it maybe because of his comment: “How can John be having a birthday dinner? All his friends hate him!” Well, this probably hurt a bit (even if I rather think he sounds bitter and jealous - he wants John for himself ;) ). On the other hand, Sherlock then backtracks and seems to regret his little outburst:

Mary’s role in John’s life

The blog is where Mary Morstan appears to be introduced to John; on John’s first blog post about at least a year after Sherlock’s ‘death’, she suddenly just shows up in the comment section, sending him kisses and inviting him out:

John ignores her, though, and when his sister asks him who Mary is, he doesn’t answer. Mary seems to hang in there, however, and the next time she appears is on the Deadly Tealights post (the one with the dead flatmate in the suffocating closet bathroom). And now she’s called Mary Morstan. Next time is The Inexplicable Matchbox. Both times her only comment is ‘ignore the trolls’. John rather seems to ignore her, though. Finally, he finishes his Many Happy Returns post (which was supposed to be his last) with saying that he has now “found someone” (without naming them) and should concentrate on that. 

All this is a little bit weird, though, considering Mary’s comment in TEH, when she is logged in and reading aloud from the editor of John’s blog: “The famous blog, finally!” As if she hadn’t already read all his posts and tried to interact with him on the blog? Hmm. 

In the show Mary just seems to come from out of nowhere, suddenly showing up in the graveyard holding hands with John. 

Her anonymity reminds me of Doyle’s treatment of Mary in canon, where she’s only mentioned by name when she’s still a client, before she marries Watson.

On the blog Mary is not mentioned by name until over a year after John met her, in spite of her presence in the comment section long before that. And it’s not until John’s first post after Sherlock’s return - The Empty Hearse - that John says something appreciative of her. Suddenly she is (still without name) "...the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sorry, Sherlock :)”. For the rest of the blog posts, John’s (very scarce) answers to Mary’s comments are never flirty or appreciative in the least. Mary’s own last comment, on the very last post - this time written by Sherlock who hacked the blog after John’s and Mary’s wedding - is this: “SHERLOCK! SHUT UP NOW!”

None of this gives me the impression that John has fallen in love with Mary. The silence with which he treats Mary on the blog rather makes me think of her as someone basically not very important; a sort of substitute in a desperate attempt to fill an emptiness in his life. And I think it might be significant that as soon as John recognises the existence of Mary in his life, he seems to use her as a sort of buffer towards Sherlock. A façade. First it’s the gleeful “Sorry Sherlock :)” comment above. Vindictive, it appears. And then, in the post Happily Ever After, John insists that his and Mary’s impending (heterosexual) marriage must clearly be the reason why Sherlock chose to help a gay couple getting together, one of them leaving an abusive marriage which was basically a façade. This whole ‘conclusion’ is so stupid that I’m rendered speechless.

Summary

To summarise - for those of you with enough patience to have followed all my ramblings in this marathon meta - I think the picture of John’s character that we can discern from reading up on the whole of his blog possibly tells us even more about him than the show. If the show reflects Sherlock’s mind, albeit almost entirely focused on his own perception of John Watson, this blog might actually give more insight into how John’s own mind works. I think it shows us someone who is struggling desperately with his own feelings. Someone who is trying to mark a distance that he believes is healthy for him, but that he actually doesn’t want, towards the object of his affection, by criticising them. The full-fledged, living, breathing contradiction that is John Watson comes to its full right by the blog. We could almost say he’s ‘human’ :). Kudos to Joe Lidster and the other showmakers for providing us with this gem.

Tagging some people who might be interested: @raggedyblue​ @ebaeschnbliah​ @gosherlocked​ @sagestreet​ @sarahthecoat​  @tjlcisthenewsexy​​  @elldotsee​​ @88thparallel​​  @sherlock-overflow-error​​  @yeah-oh-shit​

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #389

“i’m well aware i’m a danger to myself  /  are you aware i’m a danger to others?”

How much do you weigh? Yeah, we're starting off on a bad foot. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Putting Roman's used litter in the trash. Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? Hm... I guess you could love them, but it'd be a complicated situation. What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? If it's purely for sport, from the very bottom of my heart, fuck you. Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? I'd say it's decently fast. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. My grandma lived there. Are you sensitive to caffeine? No. It does like... nothing to me. How do you usually get around? My mom's car. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? No actually, but I know I kinda am. What do you think about Kim Kardashian? I don't have an opinion of her. Can you speak any French? No. Favorite yogurt flavor? The only yogurt I've been liking lately is cookies and cream to add a different texture, because otherwise, I don't like its natural texture very much??? Idk man, my taste buds are wild. How much money do you have in your wallet right now? Just like $5. What bottled water brand do you like? Essentia. Your favorite way to eat chocolate? As chocolate bars, probably. How often do you listen to country music? Like, never. Linkin Park or Avenged Sevenfold? Linkin Park. Last surgery you had? Pilonidal cyst removal. Have you ever played guitar? I briefly took classes for it in high school, yes. Best I got to was playing some of the intro to "Crazy Train." I enjoyed it, but not enough to be consistent and really learn. Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? I don't think so? What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? Independence and confidence would be nice... Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? No. Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? God no. I love my online friends. Half of 'em more than "irl" ones. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? I have to be VERY invested in it to care THAT much. It happened most recently when Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty premiered. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? Early in the morning. I'm in a better mood in the morning. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? I have a calorie-counting app, as well as one to track my period. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? My mom's, best friend's, and psychiatrist's. If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? I don't really know. Maybe the very first Pride event? Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it? Ride a rollercoaster, for one. I know I never will, though. I'm too afraid of throwing up, but even more realistically, I fear passing out before of the twisting and turning and just standing up makes me very dizzy. My blood pressure is STUPID low. What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? Have kids. That's a big 'ole fat no from me. Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever come to your door? Twice at least. Are you well-known by people in your area? No. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, thank Christ. It sounds terrifying. What's your favourite type of bird? Barn owls. Melanistic ones, to be exact. Stunning. What tv show(s) have you been watching currently? I'm only keeping up with Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Have you ever dated a smoker? For less than a day. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Have you ever been a member in a band? No. Besides the school band. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. Do you have separate emails for personal and business? No. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Multiple times. Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? I think once with my brother. Why did you last need to use a band-aid? I'unno. What fruit do you eat most often? Apples. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My ma. Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? A few times. I don't feel like thinking over this. Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? I've tried almond milk, and I hated it. If you could experience life as a Disney princess for a week, which princess would you pick and why? uhhhhhh idk When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? I'm essentially always in my room. If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No. Do you find piercings attractive? Yep. Do you like potato chips? Loooove 'em. What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? Nothing beyond checking Jason's Facebook sometimes after the breakup, I think. Even that though I wouldn't recommend doing. You're just going to get yourself hurt. Stay away from exes' profiles. Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? Yep. I don't give a fuck what's in your pants, you don't hit anybody unless you're fighting to defend yourself. What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? I mean... define "old." I'll go with The Lion King for old, and for new, uh... Finding Dory, probs. Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. I don't really know what IS trendy right now... Is Snapchat still "in?" Because I've never gotten that. “Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? I think I'm kinda neutral about it? Like I mean it also depends on exactly what is said. I prefer more loving talk, though. What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? I'm a basic fatass that likes American cuisine most, aha... Like give me a cheeseburger and I'm happy lmao. How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? I love it more now at a short length than I ever did long. When it was long and I was in my deepest depression, I was awful about brushing it. It would get so knotted. Like looking back, it nearly makes me shiver. I HIGHLY recommend cutting your hair for anyone who struggles with selfcare. How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? I'm single, but hypothetically, if you're checking an ex's page nearly every day, I would not be okay with that. I'm totally fine with exes remaining friends and just cordially talking now and again, but that's it. It's a respect thing. Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? I personally like cologne if it's not overwhelming. I really don't care if you wear it or not, though. Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? This survey is so heteronormative. But anyway, unless there was an issue like it not fitting, I'd want my spouse to wear their ring. What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? There are a lot of reasons I don't want kids. I'm too selfish with my "me" time, I stress out too easily, I don't want to dedicate my life to keeping another person alive and fed and happy, I have bad genes... I could go on and on. I just wouldn't be a good, "present" enough mom. I am much more interested in ensuring *I* am okay. Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? Not at all. I mean I want a smooth and memorable wedding, but I'm not obsessed with it being perfect. Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? That's certainly not cheating, but I wouldn't like it. Being secretive about anything in a relationship is unhealthy, imo. I'd be hurt and also very insecure because I wouldn't feel like "enough." How old is too old for trick-or-treating? Honestly? I don't think you ever are. Like come on, does it REALLY matter? Let people have fun. I don't do it because of societal standards, but I would if I didn't care about being judged. Do you sleep with your arms over or under the covers? It depends on the temperature, but I normally wake up with them under. Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band? I have an Ozzy one stored somewhere, but it doesn't fit me now. There was another I really liked too, but that one is WAY too small now. Fries or onion rings? Fries. I'm not a fan of onion rings. True/False: you’ve had an odd dream this week. Story of my life. I had one last night where I kept dying in different ways, and I actually felt the pain, like drowning in magma. Do you find tattoo sleeves attractive? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Do you like carving pumpkins? Yeah. What’s an animal you want to have as a pet but can’t? My mom has absolutely forbidden me to get a tarantula (uh, many tarantulas in my case) until I move out, lol. That doesn't stop me from checking Craigslist like every day. ;_; Have your parents ever caught you drinking? "Caught," no. Any time I've drunk, I've had permission or was a legal adult by then. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? First be humiliated at my appearance and then absolutely pass out lmao. Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? No, thank fuck. The person you have a crush on is drunk and goes to kiss you, you know they don’t realize what they’re doing, but do you kiss anyways? If I know it's something they wouldn't do sober, absolutely not. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Any would be lovely, but the poem would appeal most to me because of the amount of thought that goes into poetry. Do you any shirts with any kind of images of food on them? What? I don't think so, no. Which holiday is the most fun to decorate for? Halloween. What was the first website you had an email account on? Yahoo. Have you ever written a fanfic? No. Tattoos or piercings? Both are grand, but tats win. What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? I saw this picture of a snake split open that had eaten another snake. Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? Lil cozy one! I don't want more space than is needed for cleaning reasons, as well as price. Do you have a tutor for anything? No. Who’s the best kisser you know? Jason was. Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. I'd like it to stay that way. (If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? Ew, no. Do you have a deep voice? For a woman, yes. Do you play games with boys/girls, like 'hard to get’? Hi, I'm an adult. Is there a Sonic where you live? YES. It's my fave fast-food place. What do you like on your pizza? I have three go-tos depending on my mood: Pepperoni, jalapenos, or meat lovers.

[sometimesrosy]

I have bouts of unhappiness from time to time, now more frequently than not. For more than a year, I haven’t talked to friends because of COVID and confinement. All of the friends I talk to are online, but there’s no human contact. One of them is spanish, so we never talked any other way. The others are mostly my boyfriend’s friends with whom we talk on discord. I only see my mom, grandma, boyfriend, and my cats. I work at a study center, but now even the kids I talk to through zoom because of a new confinement. I’ve been feeling pretty low and without a drive in life. I stopped reading, I stopped bullet journaling, I stopped writing, I stopped watching movies and tv. Recently I’ve started streaming video games, and honestly it’s the only thing that keeps me doing something outside of work, but I wonder when will I give up on it too. I’d like to blame this on the confinement, but even before we had it, I had already isolated myself from people. It’s really easy to feel lonely, to feel like I can’t connect. I know it’s not depression because I’ve had and I hit rock bottom then, so I know I’m better. I lost friends along my life, but most of it was for the best. I have found a life partner that treats me 100% well and who gave the best kitties I could have ever asked for. I have a mom that does anything and everything for me, a grandma that cooks for me, a house with fast internet. I have a job and students that like me. And yet, sometimes I feel like I’m here doing nothing? As if I have no purpose? I have so many interests it kills me to never be satisfied. I honestly think this is my problem. Anyway, I’m so sorry for the rant. I just felt I needed to let it out somehow. I know tomorrow I’ll wake up fine, but next week I’ll have another day like this. For now, I’m going to bed and cuddle with my boyfriend and kitties. I just wish I could change my perspective these days I’m feeling down. I don’t need to have a purpose, I don’t need to commit to hobbies. I don’t need to expect something of myself when I don’t even know what it is. Thank you for “hearing” me out. Please never delete this blog!

So here’s the thing I want you to remember:

You are living through unprecedented times. The pressures of a global pandemic, national upheaval, cultural revolution and environmental extremes have us ALL on edge.

When you take stock of your life, as you have here, you can see you’re doing pretty well. You have love and family and work and security and safety and the best kitties in the world, right? You KNOW depression and this isn’t it somehow.

And yet, you seem to think that you have to look for *your* problem, the reason why *you* particularly are feeling this way.

Nope. It’s not you. There’s not something wrong with you that isn’t wrong with everyone.

Now, I’m not a therapist, I’m not making a diagnosis here, but before this pandemic thing, there was a lot of upheaval in my life and I worked through it, leaving me in a really good position to ride out this global disaster that I wouldn’t have been in before. I mean it wasn’t good, but it’s like I experienced it before everyone else so am already on the way to healing from it while everyone else is falling into it. So from my experience and the research I have had to do for my own health and well being, what I think you’re experiencing is ANXIETY.

I think that because you told me you stopped doing the things you love, reading, bullet journaling, writing, movies and tv. That happened to me too. I mean aside from hyperfocusing on writing. It was rather stressful to STOP reading for me. And I kept feeling like something was wrong with me, then I discovered that not being able to focus on reading is actually a symptom of anxiety. And it’s common now. The world feels out of control and you feel like you should be doing something to fix it, only you can’t, and focusing on the things that are part of your life feels insufficient. You’re overwhelmed. Actually, there’s probably a bit of depression in there, too.

But I do know that I needed to read and watch COMFORT content. Something I’ve already read, or a literature genre that wraps everything up neatly in the end. For me, Historical Romance, because I need the Happy Ever After and I need the problems to be distant enough from my reality to not affect me. In fact, when I read a book that touches on traumas that are too close to real for me, I get tense and can’t continue. (I had this problem last week with a romance set in the civil war. I just can’t handle fictional racism and brutality in my escapism book when I’m trying to escape IRL racism and brutality. I think it’s because the MC was traumatized by it, where in the other books in the series, the characters were fighting it. Anyway, good books, The Loyal League Books by Alyssa Cole, the last is just hitting some of my triggers.) 

Still, I find myself unable to read science fiction or fantasy. I can ONLY read romance. It’s very weird for me, because I love SFF. But my brain is struggling to handle all the real life chaos, and there’s really no room in it right now to have comprehend the big thoughts and new universes of SFF. So when Bridgertons showed up, which is my perfect genre right now, and which I’ve already READ multiple times, so it isn’t even new material for me, THAT is the kind of thing I can watch. Superhero shows where I already know the characters. Fanfiction where it’s just two characters falling in love over and over again.

I dont’ mean to talk about myself, but as an illustration, I wanted to show you. You are overwhelmed and your brain wants to rest. Video games seems to provide that. Okay! Keep doing that. Just like I finally had to sign up for kindle unlimited so that I could zoom through all the romance books for comfort reading without having to buy new ones all the time.

This is how you are coping.

And if I read your ask right. You’re a teacher. I dont’ know what kind of teacher or if you’re irl or distance teaching, but I do know that the stress of teaching in this pandemic is INCREDIBLE.  Shoot, normal teaching is demanding enough, add the pandemic and OUCH. So I think you should recognize that you are a front line worker in keeping society running. You honestly don’t need to have a higher purpose than that... if you feel like you need to be DOING something important. You already are. 

Everyone can only do what they are capable of. Some people are in politics, some people are developing vaccines, some people are stocking shelves, some people are teaching, some people are raising kids, some people are volunteering. You don’t have to do it all. Find your place in your world and accept that you are contributing.

What you need to do right now is to take care of yourself. You MUST have time to relax. Value your family and boyfriend and kitties, just like you say. Rest, relax. Do NOT burn out. Stay healthy. That is important especially now. Eat right and drink water and sleep enough. 

I think you’re right. It is a matter of your perspective. You’ve forgotten that your life has turned upside down.  You’re expecting activity/energy levels from yourself that you had before the world was a flaming dumpster fire. But so much of your current energy is going to surviving in that flaming dumpster fire. 

EVERYONE is trying to survive right now, even when we have relatively comfortable situations. Recognize that and give yourself a break. 

[ikesenlemonadestandstories]

Level 33

This chapter took way longer for me to write than I anticipated but it was so much fun and really picked up steam at the end! It’s starting to get really fun fam! 

Master List

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse, @ihavenotfallenyet

Warnings: Casually crude langage

Level 33

Excitement washed over you as you put your controller away and turned your TV off. You were told to eat a fun snack. Since you had eaten all of your left-overs for dinner and your chips were wiped out well into the tournament, it was time to go to the store. Without a second thought, you slipped into some comfortable footwear, grabbed your keys and wallet, and headed out to hit up the local convenience store.

As predicted, it was just late enough that there weren’t hoards of people lined up inside the little store waiting for a quick and cheap ready-made dinner for the evening. You walked right in and headed straight for the snack aisle, quietly looking over all the options. After picking out your favorite candy and the least offensive flavor of gourmet chips, you grabbed a bottle of tea and walked up to the check-out counter.

“I see your terrible taste in chips hasn’t changed.” You recognized the cashier from your last potato chip adventure and laughed.

“Why is it that every time I make poor snack decisions, you’re here to give me grief?” You snickered as you put your items on the counter.

“Just doing my job. It’d be a crime if I let people go around making bad snack decisions all day.” The one-eyed brunette jokes.

“Alright then, you’ve piqued my interest.” You gestured towards the snack aisles. “What does a good snack adventure look like?”

“Depends on the situation, lass.” The young man leaned over the counter, and you got a glimpse of his name-tag, Masamune, was it?

“I didn’t realize that mattered.” You quirked an eyebrow up at him, wondering where this was going to go.

“Of course it matters!” Masamune took mock offense and slid out from behind the counter. “So tell me, what’s the occasion?”

“Celebratory; won a tournament.” You conceded, following him back to the snack aisle.

“Oh? Didn’t take you for the sporty type.” He teased

“For the record, I play a sport, emphasis on the singularity there but still. A sport is a sport,” You answered, giving him your best side-eye in the process. “Second, I need to know what gave you that impression. Third, it was a video game tournament.”

“Lass, I’ve seen you run into the bike rack outside the shop seven times. You’re either not sporty, or you’re not very observant.” Masamune finished his thought by grabbing a bag of chips off the shelf.

“Should I be concerned that you’re watching me that closely?” You wondered out loud.

“Nah, I watch everyone who walks by or comes in.” Masamune shrugged, “Free entertainment.”

“Fair.” You replied. Following him through the aisles as he put back the snacks you picked out earlier and meticulously scanned each shelf for a new set of treats.

To say you were skeptical was an understatement. The mixture of treats coupled with the oversized Slurpee who’s flavor had long been obscured by the multitude of syrup added to the cup was the furthest thing away from anything you’d pick out for yourself. You didn’t even bother to hide the question in your gaze as you followed him back to the counter.

“Don’t look so horrified; you’re in the presence of a culinary master.” Masamune wiggled his eyebrows and walked you to one of the open tables in the back. “Here.”

“Thanks, what do I owe you?” You asked, plopping down in the chair he had pulled out for you.

“Not a thing, Lass. It’s on the house.” Then he winked, er, blinked (?), and walked back behind his register.

With your evening snack now finished, you found yourself oddly satisfied and surprised. Maybe he was some sort of odd culinary wizard working part-time at the local convenience store. A smile on your face, you traveled towards the counter to thank him.

“Enjoy yourself?” Masamune teased as he leaned on his elbows.

“I did.” You teased as you finished the last few sips of your drink. “I may require your expertise another time.”

“Wonderful! Another satisfied customer.” His smile was bright as he continued. “So tell me, Lass, what game did you win?”

“Technically, I beat the game ages ago, but the tournament was hosted in the online portion of Endless Isle.”

“Ohhh! Nice! I play that game! We should do some multiplayer or something sometime.” Masamune exclaimed excitedly.

“Oh yeah? That could be fun.” You needed some more friends in-game. “Here, give me some paper, and I’ll write down my handle so you can add me later.”

Without wasting any time, Masamune pulled a piece of receipt paper and grabbed a pen. He was offering them both to you with a smile, one that faltered for a moment before his face contorted, and he let out a strangled laugh.

“What the hell? My username isn’t that weird!” Your face burned bright red as your mind began to race.

“I’m not going to be able to add you, Lass.” Masamune managed between breaths.

“Why not?” You puzzled as he began scribbling on the same piece of paper.

“You’re going to have to unblock me first.” His laughter never faltered as he held up his username ‘OneEyedDrag0n.’

“No way.” You balked before you matched his laughter. “Who would have thought the ax-wielding maniac worked at the local convenience store!”

“It’s part of my cover. I have to remain unassuming Lass.” Masamune smirked as you laughed harder.

“Oh, my gods. For the love of-” You shook your head, but the smile never left your face.

“Does this mean I’m unblocked?” Masamune asked.

“Yes,” You sighed. “On one condition.”

“Oho? What might that be?” Intrigued, Masamune humored you.

“I’m going to need you to be my personal snack picker-outer.” You beamed.

“How did you know?” Masamune threw a hand to his chest. “That’s my dream title. I’ll happily oblige!”

“Oh, don’t be an ass.” You barked out a laugh, before wishing him a good night and heading out of the store.

Waiting until she was no longer in view of the store, Masamune picked up his cell phone and made a phone call. Ieyasu didn’t answer, which was about what he had expected, so he left a voicemail.

“Yo, I just met your little online buddy. Did you know she’s your IRL crush? Can I be your wingman? I think I should be your wingman.”

[jinfilms]

@hobieshopie​ and @kimteahyung​ tagged me in this questionnaire style tag...thank u my loves i’m sorry i take so long (๑´ㅂ`๑) >

What do you prefer to be called name wise?

hannah but some people just say han 

When is your birthday?

may 7 

Where do you live?

north carolina mama yeehaw 

Three things you are doing right now?

finally enjoying a day off after like. too long lolol

listening to drama by txt

i just finished my coffee and a cream cheese pastry...i miss them already

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

bts if that counts

haikyuu!! mmmm i just think i’d like it if i gave it another chance 

red velvet bc i wanna get back into girl groups that still exist lol

kdrama community...it’s kinda hard bc i don’t like the way the female characters are often written to be honest, so i am open to suggestions :(

How is the pandemic treating you?

grocery store workers were considered essential (everything is open again in my town so there’s no difference in ‘essential’ and nonessential anymore lmao), so i never stopped working, i honestly can’t say a lot has changed which i’m thankful for :( i guess i could say that it made work more stressful but i don’t think i should complain 

A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

moon dance by nu’est i can’t even explain it other than that song makes me feel like i’m in love dslkfsd i’m the least ‘hopeless romantic’ person i know irl so it’s actually a really foreign feeling but it’s nice 10/10 i recommend that song for ur future playlists

Recommend a movie?

shoplifters (2017) by hirokazu kore-eda just go into it blind i promise u it’s worth it

How old are you?

21

School, university, occupation, other?

i’m working atm and i’ll go back to school someday but due to Circumstances i chose to focus on other things

Do you prefer hot or cold?

strictly cold...i never finished a hot drink and i hate being hot bc my body retains a lot of heat anyway

Name one fact others may not know about you:

Are you shy?

uhh yes but i do what i have to to get around i don’t have social anxiety or anything

Do you have any preferred pronouns?

Any pet peeves?

when people listen to music without earbuds i could lit erally rip their head off... also when people burp and sneeze etc around me i’m sorry i know it’s natural idk what to tell u 

also the fact that everything makes a noise... like even walking i don’t even wanna hear the sound of my own feet on the floor if i’ve got a headache again idk idk i just want some damn peace n quiet ! 

What’s your favorite “dere” type?

bambi

Rate you life 1-10; 

-10 but we’re getting there

What’s your main blog?

uhh it used to be @gusdapperton​ but i don’t care about any of the old stuff i used to blog about there anymore... if ur reading this and listen to gus dapperton and want that url then send me an ask or smthn and i’ll give it to someone who will use it lol

List your side blogs and what they are used for:

@gusdapperton​ was my film and tv blog 

@qirby​ was for anime and gaming stuff etc

those were my main two...i ran several networks and other blogs but i think i’m just going to archive like. everything and just focus on this blog bc i really care about a lot of my mutuals sjdlksjd it seems stupid to have had to many blogs but i can’t stand having all of my interests crammed into one dashboard it feels so messy and i don’t want to see everything all the time u know

despite everything i just said i saved @dreamchapter​ the other day just in case i wanted to make a txt/multi sideblog lolol

Is there anything you think people need to know about you before being friends with you?

uhh idk i’m really boring so lower ur expectations

for this i wanna tag @starlightstae​ @taechnological​ @eternalbulletproof​ @applejoon​ and @seokjjin​ no pressure tho ok? i hope u guys are doing well and safe in ur environments ♡

also @matchaminn​ tagged me in a really similar tag so i’ll answer the questions that weren’t on this one...bc i love u :(

sexuality

bi 

hogwarts house

hufflepuff

current time

2:24 pm / 14:24 

favorite animal

cats

cats or dogs

always cats. i said what i said

dream job

i used to go to school for teaching and psychology but if i were to go back tomorrow i think i’d choose something like digital art and graphic design...i dunno i’m scared of turning my passion into a career though i know i could potentially get sick of it and want to stop 

when i made this blog

january and i think the exact day was the 18th...literally 4 days after i found bts i made this blog lmao i didn’t even know their names but i was online when the black swan orchestra ver mv dropped and when i watched it i just Knew u know

reason for my url

agust d chefs kiss

anyways. i love u all thank u pls let me know if u are doing well from time to time i would like to know :( mwah

[sweetbitterpdf]

Any tips for learning french? :(

ooh this is such an interesting question!! 

i’m gonna first give context on my experience with french. as i said in a previous ask, i spent nine years learning it. this was in school, and for the first three years, it was in mandatory classes (there’s no national standard for canadian french education across all the provinces, but in my schooling system you had to start in third grade, and you could stop in tenth grade if you wanted to), the latter six years (7th through 12th) were in what’s called french immersion, an optional and—evidently— more immersive french education than the mandatory french classes that everyone had to take (we called it “core french”)

so i spent a long time learning french. when i graduated high school at 18, i had been learning french half my life. i also got an award for getting the highest marks in the french class i took in grade 12 which was, frankly, mad litty, still one of my crowning achievements, go 2017 em

... but telling you ‘dedicate nine years of your life to it’ clearly isn’t super practical for someone trying to learn it! so here are some more concrete tips:

vocab, vocab, vocab!!

the MOST IMPORTANT part of learning any language. keep track of vocab in any way possible. you can write words down, make physical flashcards, or use a resource like quizlet to make flashcards electronically. this is useful for french because of the gendering of nouns, which english doesn’t do. it’s a strange concept to grasp, and there isn’t a whole lot of logic to it— of course ‘girl’ is feminine (la fille) and ‘boy’ is masculine (le garçon), but it can be hard to remember whether something like the word ‘chair’ is masculine or feminine (for the record, it’s feminine— la chaise). 

so much of language learning is just rote memorisation, which i think a lot of people have trouble getting the hang of. it’s a lot of brute work, a lot of boring work, but seeing your fluency progress is more than worth it, in my opinion!

“but em,” i hear you ask, “where do i get vocab?”

watch french tv/film & listen to french music

i started doing this around sixth grade i believe? it was part of our daily homework, to go home and watch TV in french.

and, if i was lucky, i would understand a word or two in a sentence.

this one seems very daunting at first! and it’ll be super confusing initially, with or without subtitles (that one’s up to you! i’d recommend subtitles at first, before trying to watch without them, or maybe watching with french subtitles!)

skam france (which i’m assuming you’re into, if you’re following me...?) is a lovely option for consuming french media. 

listening to music in french is another excellent way to learn! you can look up the lyrics, in french or english, and work your way through the song! i still have to look up lyrics to french songs pretty frequently. though, mind you, i do that for english songs pretty frequently as well oop

there’s this pre-conceived notion that, when you do something like this, you have to understand everything for it to be a success. that’s not the case— far from it, in fact! i spent so long— and in some cases continue to— only being able to get the vague plot of the film/show i was watching, only catching maybe half of the words. but— and stay with me here— that’s an achievement in itself! you aren’t going to ever completely know a language, even your native one! i look up english words all the time, still!!! and understanding the general plot of a story in a language that you’re learning is another one of those super gratifying feelings that you encounter while learning a language.

utilize online resources

this is a huge one, and also a broad one. by this, i mean stuff like duolingo (which i advocate for wholeheartedly!! it has a really good structure lesson-wise, and french is one of its most extensive courses, if not, the most extensive one!)

but by this i also mean things like PDFs of french textbooks! those will give you a similar structure to being in an actual class— i would recommend taking a class if you can, because it forces you to continue learning, even when you don’t want to (because you aren’t always going to be super motivated, let’s be real), but i know that’s not an option, for a lot of people.

and i also mean things like looking up soundbites for introductory french learning. youtube would most likely have plenty of stuff like that. it’s one thing to learn from one source— and if you want to start easy, that’s absolutely fine!— but learning from multiple places would work wonders on comprehension!!

read in french, write in french, speak in french

this is another daunting one, but another ridiculously necessary one. you may feel like you aren’t ready to do any of these things, especially very early on, but one of the biggest tips i have for learning french, or any language really, is to do these as much as you reasonably can, right from the get-go.

another thing i would HIGHLY recommend— and this forces some people to embarrass themselves— is to start off by consuming french media made for babies.

think about it this way: learning a new language is sort of like starting your entire life over. rather than being an english-speaking adult (or teenager), you’re now a french speaking baby. do babies follow proper sentence structure? do they read novels? do they get everything right, linguistically-speaking? no, of course they don’t! conversely— were you born fluent in your native language? or did your parents and family and teachers teach you, word by word, until you got to where you are now?

speaking french aloud is probably the most intimidating part of learning it, at least to me. mind you, this is largely due to circumstances (anglophone teachers, and many of them, leading to me having an awful accent, when i speak french!). for a lot of people, myself included, the fear comes from messing up, especially when talking to francophone people (native french speakers), because there isn’t as much time to think, to verify grammar/vocab/etc.

but this ties in to my baby idea, from above— think of the amount of patience and flexibility that’s necessary when talking to a toddler. do you always understand what a toddler is trying to say to you? no, but you do some of the time! and as the toddler gets older and they learn more and more, conversation gets easier. also, if they get something wrong, you correct them (well, sometimes!) gently, and patiently. you’re basically a toddler that’s more willing to learn than an actual toddler is. communicating with native speakers is key— people that can give you constructive criticism, while also treating you the patience that you deserve. if you know a french person irl, ask them if they’d be willing to talk with you in french, so that you can practice. alternatively, another great way to practice like this if you don’t have someone like that in your life is via email or even snail mail! worldpenpals is lovely for either— you can search for people by country, by language, etc., and once you start talking, you can keep it online, or exchange info and write letters to each other!

another pre-conceived notion that runs rampant in language learning, that i’ve noticed, it the idea that you either know a language or you don’t, that you’re either fluent or you’re not. 

and it’s just... not that simple! like at all! like i said a little while ago, i’ve been speaking english for (roughly) 20 years. but would i say that i know english? that i know the entire language? absolutely not!! i look up new words on like a weekly basis!!

if you’re trying to learn a language so you can say “alright, i speak it, i’m done now,” then you’re not learning a language with the right intention! languages are organic things, they grow and change, and you’re never not learning a language, you know? each language is its own little world, and there are so many people who are willing to help you explore it.

[rana-narmo]

Entrapta is an adult!!!!

Really getting frustrated with the amount of people on the entrapta/entrapdak tags stating how regardless of what show creators say Entrapta must be underage. Especially the people yelling pedophile over entrapdak.

I get it, she's not the most stereotypically mature and she's a pretty short character but it's canon she's in her late 20s/early 30s. The show creators said this. She's believed to be on the autism spectrum by most fans (and I'm pretty sure one of the writers/workers on the show said some of her actions were based on an autism-spectrum colleague). I don't have much knowledge of that so I won't got into detail.

Also a lot of people saying she's a child because she looks similar to younger characters like Glimmer in design... the only similarity I see is height. Entrapta has much sharper features, as normally expected in adults, lacking the baby fat children still have to grow out of. Additionally, she's an expert in her field, well-known to the Etherian Makers Guild as stated by Bow, and I don't care what tropes TV shows/cartoons/movies always have, most people at that level of their field are gonna have left their teens behind a looooooong time ago.

Honestly, this is a bit of a rant based on the amount of people online and IRL saying she must be a child because she looks like it. Listen, I'm a woman in her 20s, I'm 5' and when I have no makeup on and wear baggy clothes, I am constantly confused as still being a child (I'm talking the kind of confusion that has me getting ID'd for 12 rated games).

It's frustrating but I get it and so I constantly have to make an effort to look older in other aspects. I love having a character who is shorter than usual, not obviously an adult but who is actually much older than she looks. One thing I love about SPOP is the body diversity on the show (yes height counts in my book too).

The "pedophile" thing is even more disturbing to me for a different reason. Firstly, it's uncomfortable to watch people throwing a word around like they don't know the meaning. Canonically she's an adult, your head-canon does not give you the right to attack others for a ship!

Secondly, the amount of people saying "it's still not ok because she looks like a child". Like I will take that a bit personally. I've dated people well over a foot taller than me. I may look like a kid from afar but I'm not. Do not treat me like one! Consenting adults can make whatever choices they want. I've even had friends make jokes like "oh looks like a dad with his daughter when you two hold hands walking down the street" guys no. That's gross. There is barely any age difference and statements like that make everyone feel uncomfortable. Not to mention being a bit insulting to me.

Thirdly, it's just pushing more hate onto people for enjoying an aspect of the show. Let people ship what they want and if you don't like it don't respond. I've never understood the need to seek out stuff on a ship or even a character you hate. If I see something tagged with a ship I don't like/makes me uncomfortable I carry on by without bothering because:

1. Someone liking that ship doesn't affect me in any way whatsoever.

2. It's not my business to police other people's interests and likes.

3. It's fiction!!!

This isn't just linked to SPOP and entrapta/entrapdak. I've seen it in tons of fandoms. But the amount of people I've seen using the word pedophile to describe a ship consisting of two adults is disturbing. If you don't like something that's fine guys but please stop throwing around words like that. It's disgusting and really unnecessary.

[stopandimagineloveforever]

Much has been said about the positive, non-judgemental world where Schitt’s Creek takes place, where parents and the community at large support their childrens’ lifestyles, sexuality, and general life choices. That they’ve created such a safe space, both in the fictional world of Schitt’s Creek and as an escape for viewers taking in the TV show, is wonderful on its own. But that these positive, feel-good vibes have transferred — and been put into practice! — on the internet as well, is nothing short of remarkable.

The optimism of Schitt’s Creek was on full blast this season, a collection of 14 episodes that culminated in Patrick (Noah Reid) and David’s (Dan Levy) engagement and the town’s excellent live production of Cabaret, events that were fully celebrated by the friends, family, and townspeople around them. The banding together, the joy, and the acceptance that was felt at a high jumped through screens and forced viewers to smile. It’s contagious and entertaining in all the best ways.

So much so, that even the internet caught on. The internet! The rudest, meanest, most savage place on Earth. And yet in the Schitt’s Creek pocket of the internet, viewers of the show are just as supportive, encouraging, and lovely as the characters they watch every week (and binge over and over again in the first four seasons available on Netflix). Actors on other shows have made the decision to leave social media behind, deactivating accounts when fans’ input became too much and frankly unhealthy for them to be taking in. And yet, Schitt’s Creek has managed to do the exact opposite.

Emily Hampshire, who plays Stevie on the show, noted that the fan reaction to Schitt’s Creek has been specifically unlike “any other show I’ve been on.” She continued to explain, “I’ve been in this show 12 Monkeys where we had a rabid fanbase because it’s sci-fi. You go to Comic-Con and it’s insane. But [Schitt’s Creek is] a different kind of fandom and it’s different than anything I’ve, or I think that we’ve all, experienced.”

Part of that has been the IRL interactions as well, not just the viewing of the show and commenting on social media, all done through screens. As the Schitt’s Creek cast embarked on live tour stops across the US, fans got to breathe the same air as the actors that portray the characters they hold so dear. “We’ll go on tour and get this pure love from the audience,” Hampshire said. “And not just the audience towards us but also the audience towards each other. It is a very strange thing, you feel like you’re in a cult, but a cult you want to be in.”

And those cult members everywhere. “I go into Bed Bath & Beyond and it’s like nothing I’ve experienced,” Hampshire shared. “I think what is coming back at us with the signs and social media and just in life, is what the show puts out. I really do think because, and Dan made it this way, in Schitt’s Creek there is no judgement, there is not all the stuff that we deal with everyday. Everyone’s kind and nice.”

“So when we put all that out there, you really get it back,” she continued. “It’s inspiring to people, especially during this time in the States. To just be given a safe space — and not a cheesy one. The show’s really funny and it’s really smart, and it doesn’t have to sacrifice any of that stuff to have the most wonderful heart.”

“A lot of it is on social media and I think as a cast we receive a lot of love which obviously feels incredible,” Reid told me when we spoke last month about Patrick’s big coming out episode where he reveals to his parents that he’s not just business partners with David. “I’ve received personal messages from a lot of people saying, ‘We’ve been going through a tough time and we’ve really relied on this show to get us through.’ Or parents watching with their kids and growing their scope of how the world is possible to be viewed.”

He echoed the sentiment that the in-person reaction has also been overwhelming in the best way. “To go on tour and feel that in person, it was absolute waves of positivity coming at us. As an actor it’s very rare to be on a show that hits in this way for so many people. Particularly people who haven’t seen themselves on television in this way. It’s incredibly meaningful. I didn’t expect this when I joined the show. It’s been wild to see people coming out and dressing up as characters from the show or making fan art or giving us personalized gifts and stuff. It really is incredible so I feel very lucky to be a part of something like that.”

When Reid tweeted the link to the chat we had about that specific episode, he was sure to tag me, which is a nice gesture (and one I’ve noticed many of the other SC cast members subscribe to) to give a lil’ shoutout to the writer behind the piece. And then the nerves pop up. The mentions of a celebrity can get…dicey, to say the least. Passionate fans launch their opinions freely, fiercely, and frequently on Twitter, seemingly unaware that they could be (and likely are) read by another human being. But in this case the replies were…incredible. People weighed in on how much they loved the episode, shared heartfelt messages about personal experiences, described how the show is meaningful to them, and reflected on how much they enjoyed or identified or learned or felt watching that particular episode. It was like some kind of alternate universe Twitter feed.

And this wasn’t the only example of the online love. When the show dropped a full-length version of Alexis’s (Annie Murphy) theme song to her fictional former reality show, the reaction to the pop tune (modeled on the type of single a Paris Hilton or Britney Spears would release about a decade ago) enthusiastically treated it as the jam/bop/hit that it actually is. In fact, and often with the help of gifs, there wasn’t an episode this season that wasn’t met with an online cheering section. This is also due in part to the show’s own (recently Webby award-nominated!) official Twitter account that helps to promote, in a thorough and fun way, much of what the episodes have to offer.

But perhaps the biggest surprise of all was last week, after the show’s penultimate episode of Season 5 aired. A MAJOR event occurred: David and Patrick got engaged! And in the most David and Patrick way possible, in that it was filled with both feelings and funny moments and was impossible not to feel the happy tears bubble up. And yet there was no evidence of this event on the internet. You know, the very place people go to brag about their new rings? Once the show aired on Tuesday night in Canada, fans kept their responses to cryptic crying face emojis and “OMG”s without spoiling what had just taken place. Well, that can just be chalked up to Canadians, I thought. And then the episode aired here on Wednesday night. And now, a week later, I’ve seen exactly one article where the engagement was mentioned in the headline. That’s it. Again, recaps most leaned into the feelings — including my own. I didn’t want to be the one to spoil this moment, especially after knowing how special it felt to witness it when I had no idea it was coming. The respect level there for letting other Twitter dwelling fans have the opportunity to watch with fresh eyes is significant, because, come on, engagements are the hardest secrets to keep! But ultimately, this is a clear sign that the show has created not only a community on-screen that cares about those around them, but that the show’s social media fans have followed suit.

The only real harshness I have witnessed from fans of this show is that of them simply shaming those who have yet to watch the show (which is basically justified). Though simply refraining from spoiling the show, and keeping their typing fingers in control, is not the only way fans have created a positive environment online. They’ve also been proactive in continuing the efforts of equality and supporting LGBTQ members of their own communities by donating to charities that accomplish this exact work. That’s putting your money where your heart is, and that’s a lesson even the broke Rose family could agree with.

[kachulein]

🌸85 Questions🌸

Since the last time I did this tag was a few months ago, I thought I’ll do it again. I was tagged by the cutie @taeyongsflatbutt thanks dear💖

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last

1. Drink - tea and water

2. Phone call - I literally never call anyone besides my therapist, so yeah, my therapist :3

3. Text message - I’m currently spamming my baby @taetaejagiyaaa95 with links to dance performances of the dance club I’m in lmao

4. Song you listened to - I’m listening to What Now by Rihanna as I’m writing this (I’m actually listening to the playlist @taetaejagiyaaa95 made for me💖)

5. Time you cried - Today while listening to Grow Up by Stray Kids because the lyrics and the song in general hit me so hard that I cannot listen to it without crying T-T

Ever

6. Dated someone twice - nope, when I end something it’s a definite end and I’m not getting back together with that person

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Actually yes... because there was this one time when this guy pressured me and kind of forced me into kissing him and I didn’t know how to escape ;-;

8. Been cheated on - not that I know of :o

9. Lost someone special - Haven’t we all? :/

10. Been depressed - Probably at some points in my life

11. Gotten drunk and threw up - yup >.< but I was like 13/14 years old back then and a stupid idiot

Fave colors

12. I seriously love all colours

13. Especially pastels

14. and of course black

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - YES💖

16. Fallen out of love - definitely (glares @ ex bf for treating me like crap and just ghosting on me without ever explaining his actions to me...so I guess that’s over for good)

17. Laughed until you cried - I always cry when I laugh tbh and my friends like making fun of me then xD

18. Found out someone was talking about you - probably but I can’t really remember since I push such moments out of my mind

19. Met someone who changed you - I believe every person you meet in your lifetime has some kind of impact (big or small) on you and thus changes you to some extent (maybe only just for the time being they’re in your life but still)

20. Found out who your friends are - Yes, I am actually better at reading people than it may seem^^

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - Idk I don’t use facebook anymore xD

General

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - Again, idk since I don’t use it anymore

23. Do you have any pets - a Kitten💖

24. Do you want to change your name - My last name, yes. Since I don’t like it and people like making fun of it smh

25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went out to dinner with my mom and stepdad and ended up having the whole restaurant sing me happy birthday^^ it was awesome omg

26. What time did you wake up today - At noon I think

27. What were you doing @ midnight last night - I was finishing off a reaction on my blog @kachuwritings and posted it

28. What is something you can’t wait for - My I am WHO album to finally arrive T-T

30. What are you listening to right now - Daya - New

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - nah, I don’t know no Tom :o

32. Something that gets on my nerves - Someone interrupting me when I’m in the middle of daydreaming, people who brag about how great they are and in general just arrogance gets on my nerves a lot, animal cruelty is something that makes me extremely mad and sad and in general people with bad personalities/who abuse others/treat others badly, any form of discrimination and inequality in this world, our society and especially the unrealistic beauty standards our subconscious is being fed through the media 24/7 and so many more

33. Most visited website - Tumblr, YouTube and Vlive

34. Hair color - black^-^

35. Hair long or short - about middle length but I’m growing it out c:

36. Do you have a crush on someone - yesssss but not on someone I know irl glares @ Han Jisung from the other side of the world

37. What do you like about yourself - I really like being an empath tbh because it allows me to fully understand other people’s struggles and it can be nice to feel everything so deeply (love for example) (of course there’s also a downside to it) :3

38. Want any piercings - I already have 8 piercings on my ears but I always thought about getting nipple piercings someday but I honestly don’t know about that one^^’’ what do you think?

39. Blood type - A

40. Nicknames - Kachu

41. Relationship status - married to Han Jisung in my head single like a pringle

42. Zodiac - Aquarius

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fave TV shows (Can I add anime? I don’t watch other TV shows) - Sword Art Online, Tokyo Ghoul, Ouran High School Host Club

45. Tattoos - A violin key with a rose on my right forearm (that I drew myself and it signifies my love for music) and I’m thinking of getting angel wings on my shoulder blades but I need to draw them first kdjdksooidsfuhi

46. Right or left handed - right

47. Ever had surgery - nope

48. piercings - ears

49. Sports - dancing,,,mainly & hula hooping

50. Vacations - I’ve been to England, Spain, France, Germany, Switzerland(of course), Denmark, Czech Republic, Austria, Italy and Greece already but never outside of Europe jckdcudscn but I’m going to South Korea next year c:

51. Trainers - uhm... don’t really know what to answer here???

More general

52. Eating - I ate potato salad for dinner but that was around 6 hours ago lmao

53. Drinking - water^-^

54. I’m about to watch - Nothing since it’s 3.30am and I should go to sleep

55. Waiting - for better days *sigh*

56. Want - to be more motivated and not always feel exhausted and powerless on a daily basis because every little thing gets me overwhelmed lately and I feel so lazy since I lack power to accomplish anything and I have so much shit to do T-T 

57. Get married - not sure ._.

58. Career - Probably psychologist but I’m actually dreaming of becoming a singer&songwriter

Wich is better

59. Hugs or kisses - Depending on my mood either can be better

60. Lips or eyes - ....I love both equally tbh, beautiful eyes and plump lips really affect me sjakdansfunoj Hyunjin’s lips are a good example seriously they look so soft :( and Felix’s eyes are extremely beautiful and big wow

61. Shorter or taller - shorter because I’m too tall and I hate it ._.

62. Older or younger - younger, I don’t wanna grow up the world seems to only get worse the older I get akfnsdfisdsuld

63. Nice stomach or arms - hmmmmm I LOVE slim waists so I guess stomach?

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship!!! ALL. THE. DAMN. WAY. i can’t stand hookup culture :/ (but you do you fam, I’m not gonna judge anyone since it’s none of my business)

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant (I’m a good girl okay :c)

Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger - I don’t think so omg

67. Drank hard liquor - yup, long ago though, I barely drink since I don’t like alcohol due to,,, reasons

68. Lost glasses - surprisingly, no xD

69. Turned someone down - unfortunately, yes :/

70. Sex on first date - It wasn’t a date... o.o it was just a hookup and that made me realize that I dislike sex without love involved and that’s how I found out that hookups are nothing for me^^’’

71. Broken someone’s heart - Probably the people I’ve turned down :/

72. Had your heart broken - ...yes

73. Been arrested - OMG NOOOOOO :o

74. Cried when someone died - Yes

75. Fallen for a friend - No never

Do you believe in

76. Yourself - I really wish I could

77. Miracles - not sure but I hope they’re real T-T

78. Love at first sight - naah

79. Santa Claus - yeeeah no, I’m not 5 years old anymore honey^^

80. Kiss on first date - Sure if it feels right

81. Angels - Not sure o.o

Other

82. Best friend’s name - I don’t have a best friend actually... (applications are open lmao)

83. Eye color - a really ugly brown istg there are so many beautiful kinds of brown eyes out there and mine just look ugly tbh D:

84. Fave movie - I have so many skaudbjf but Harry Potter is pretty high up on the list (I cannot trust people who dislike Harry Potter... my ex disliked it...yeah that just confirmed my hypothesis)

85. Favorite actor/actress - I always liked Audrey Hepburn, Olivia Newton-John, Julia Roberts, Keira Knightley, Emma Watson, Cameron Diaz, Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried, Pierce Brosnan, John Travolta, Patrick Swayze, Jack Black, Logan Lerman, Dylan O’Brien, as well as Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Colin Firth and Hugh Grant - see, I can’t choose D:

soooo that was it yay^^ I’m tagging @marculees @taetaejagiyaaa95 @glamjae @bloomingfantasy @taetarte @1oonar @00njm @star-sam @hyunjinsgiggle @jbemin @orrin-uwu @redcucumbers @donghyuwus @alonelysquid and as always, you don’t have to do it💖

[anti-mistajules]

For the aromantic asks, would you pick which ones you want, or if you could do all of them? I’ve never heard about it before but I’m really curious and would like to know more from your point of view

Well bc you’ve never heard of it before here’s a little definition I got from here (if u wanna read more about it):

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.

What arospec label(s) do you identify with?

I’m just plain ol Aromantic

Sexual orientation?

Bisexual

Are you romance-repulsed?

To a degree? I don’t usually mind seeing romance in media, I just get a little uncomfortable with seeing PDA and when people view me in a romantic way I feel like physically sick.

Do you relate to voidpunk?

Do I relate to what now?

What kinds of attraction (romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, platonic, etc) do you experience?

Sexual, aesthetic, and platonic definitely! Im not too big on sensual attraction and I don’t feel romantic attraction at all.

How do you like to show people you (platonically) love them?

I’m a huge ‘acts of service’ and ‘gift’ person! I do whatever I can to make things easier for my friends and try to give them gifts they love and deserve! I also like to spend time with them when I can and talk about whatever! Basically if I can talk to you on the phone or in person past 12am, I love you friend!!

Do you want to remain single all your life or do you want to have some sort of life partner?

I wanna remain single, I really need my alone time I couldn’t imagine living with someone for an extended period of time.

If you want one, what is your dream partner?

no! 

Which is your favorite of the 3 aromantic flags?

Uhhh fuck im not too flag savvy??? I like this one:

Your opinion on soulmates?

allonormative as fuck and perpetuates the idea that you need another person in your life to ‘complete’ you which is complete garbage!

Your opinion on shipping?

Shipping is fun but I don’t get too into it.

Do you ship characters in romantic/sexual relationships, or do you only ship characters in familial and platonic relationships?

Honestly all of the above but mostly platonic and sexual.

Are you out to anyone in real life?

My close friends and my immediate family. Or at least I tried to come out to them but they were just like “you won’t get married?? Ya right lol ur stupid” and I didn’t use the word ‘aromantic’ so I guess technically im not out to them?? Its not something I hide, but when explaining it to others I don’t use the word bc I don’t wanna explain or want people to think im one of those “tumblrinas’ who ‘make up orientations’ bc there’s a lot of negativity to unpack there so I just don’t bother

How did you come out?

Once I found out what aromanticism was I immediately related to it so I told my best friend first and we had a conversation about it and then Id just be like “hey I don’t get why people date people…I don’t wanna do that” to everyone else.

Do you know any aromantic people in real life?

Nope! I would love to meet some!!

How do you feel about your aromanticism?

Honestly its so freeing…I feel very validated knowing there’s a whole community of people who feel the same way I do about romance. Im pretty proud to be aro with my friends and online but irl to my family and acquaintances Im not as open with it.

What is the worst part of being aromantic?

The lack of representation and the constant erasure. I highkey hate being grouped with asexuals so much bc not every person who is aro is ace and vice versa! They’re separate orientations but they are NEVER treated like it and its so annoying. (THIS IS NOT ACE HATE!! I SUPPORT ACES WITH ALL MY ARO HEART!!! LOVE YALL!!)

Also the constant fear that you cant be friends with the opposite sex bc they’ll always want to be romantically involved and that your allo friends will leave you for their S/O lol

ALSO WHEN UR PHONE CHANGES AROMANTIC TO AROMATIC >:///

What is the best part of being aromantic?

Not being in a relationship lol people complain so much about their relationship troubles and im like ‘damn COULDN’T be me’

How did you find out about aromanticism?

I found out through either Tumblr or google I cant remember which??? Or maybe I saw it on Tumblr and googled it? Either way Tumblr was a factor

When did you know you were aromantic?

I tried dating my best friend and ended it in like 3 days bc I felt so fucking weird about the whole thing like very uncomfortable??? Like I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about certain stuff anymore and just being called someone’s “girlfriend” makes my skin crawl. I always had some weirdness around romance but I thought it was just bc I haven’t “found the right person yet” but if anyone was the “right person” it was my best friend and I couldn’t do it. So I did some research and found out about aromanticism, related so hard, and have been very happy with the label ever since.

Do you have any aromantic headcanons?

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND BRUCE BATMAN WAYNE ARE AROMANTIC AND YOU WILL PRY THOSE HEADCANONS OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HANDS YOU COWARDS

What would be your dream representation of an aromantic/aro-spec character?

An aromantic character who is allosexual (preferably bi) who loves their friends and family and would do anything for them! Doesn’t go “EW!!! GROSS!!” At romance but is just like “nah ill pass, loving my friends is all I need!” and isn’t super oblivious to romantic gestures or infantilized/made into a joke for not being interested in romance. Also if they call out allonomativity that’d be tight

Who is your aromantic icon/idol?

NOBODY BC THERE ARE NO AROMANTICS IN MEDIA

What is your favorite song that relates to aromanticism, or is simply not about romantic love?

Analysis Paralysis by Awake at Last (At least I don’t get a romance vibe off of it??) and Sonic Youth by Crush 40 for all you Sonic fans out there. (And honestly most sonic songs are aromantic BANGERS)

What is your favorite movie that is not focused on romance?

BATMAN V SUPERMAN !!!

What is your favorite tv show that is not focused on romance?

POKEMON !! Im gonna be honest with y’all I think the reason Im aro is bc I watched nothing but Pokemon until I was like 10 (I didn’t stop I just also watched other things) and it is the least romance oriented show ever like….while y’all where out watching Disney princesses ‘fall in love’ or whatever I was crying over Pikachu’s Goodbye so don’t talk to me about heartbreak. Also Ash and Pikachu’s friendship (and of course his friendship with all his traveling partners) really fucking resonated with me and I think thats why I hold my friends above all else.

What popular romantic pairing do you see as only platonic?

SONAMY

Do you experience squishes?

I think I’ve had maybe one or two but they went away quick once I realized that I just like this person bc I think we’d be good friends and I get excited at the thought of making longterm friends.

Do you own any aromantic pride merch or outfits? What are they? If not, what would you like to own?

I do not but id love to own a flag or two

Do you have any advice for anyone who may be questioning if they are aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?

Just own it. I’m actually actively trying to take my own advice bc like I said I don’t use the word irl but like,,,if you think you’re aro or somewhere on the spectrum, find a label that speaks to you and just own it. Being Aromantic isn’t cringey, its a valid orientation just like any other and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Ive spent too much time pretending to be alloromantic just to fit in, I’ve embarrassed myself too many times by pretending to be allo, Ive gone too far into my life pretending to be something im not just because its easier for others to understand. Ive gone through too much to discover my orientation to have some fucking losers on the internet tell me that its ‘not a real orientation’. Im aromantic. I feel comfortable in that label and no one can take that away from me.

[natkat-140]

bad days / good news

Hi everyone, I have some good news after my doc appointment. My eye is healing well and everything looks good. I now only have to be facedown 4 times a day for one hour each time which is music to my ears. I still am blind in my right eye which is worrisome to me but the doctor said that's normal and it can potentially take months to regain my eyesight. Ultimately though, this means I can now sit upright most of the day, resume more normal daily living, and PLAY GAMES WITH YOU!!

I appreciate you all for checking in on me so often and keeping me in your thoughts. It really did mean a lot to know that you were thinking of me and hoping for the best for me. That being said… I don't like showing it but I was struggling quite a bit this last week. Whenever someone asks “how are you?” I feel obligated to give a nice answer and move on. “Doing well, can’t complain, hanging in there.” Because nobody likes a downer, nobody likes hearing “I feel awful, the isolation is killing me, I’m worthless, I’ve been crying all day.”

I've been on medical disability 4 times in the last 5 years for completely different reasons and that has taken a toll on me. Productivity, work, being helpful, being useful - those things are important to me and my mental health. Being a nurse gives me a sense of purpose and fullfillment. Because of that, when I'm unable to work and / or need assistance myself, I struggle with feelings of inadequacy, being useless, being a burden, and generally being a pain in the ass. 

Having that physical restriction of being face down all the time and unable to lift more than 5 pounds multiplied those feelings, because I couldn't do *anything*. My apartment was an absolute wreck, my cats were sadly meowing at me because I wasn’t able to snuggle and play with them like I usually do, I had zero dishes left to use as they were all piled in the sink… everything was difficult, even watching TV or playing video games was hard in that position. My neck, back, and shoulders were constantly sore and the only thing that felt good was lying on my back, which is the one thing I wasn’t allowed to do at all.

But I hate complaining about that. I hate it. I am complaining about first world problems. I had a highly technologically advanced surgical procedure on my fucking eyeball that might give me my fucking eyesight back and I only had to pay $100 for it. I have access to the medications I need and the post-operative appointments with medical experts 15 minutes down the street from me. I am able to recover in a comfortable, peaceful, temperature-controlled apartment with minimal pain and maximum privacy. I have high-speed internet and am able to keep in touch with friends via text and video calls at my literal fingertips. And I’m complaining that I had to…. *lie down*. It feels so selfish and entitled to complain about that. 

But really it’s more than that. It’s still very possible that I’ll be completely or partially blind in my right eye even when I’m completely healed.There’s no guarantee that this surgery will have worked. I have anxiety about going back to working in the hospital if my eyesight comes back. I also have anxiety about not being able to go back to work if my eyesight doesn’t come back.

I still haven’t been cleared of HIV either (ICYMI: I had a needlestick injury from an HIV positive patient in December and am at risk for contracting the virus myself.) I won’t be fully cleared until another two tests come back negative in June. Even though chances are slim that I will be positive, and I know there are medications and programs to help manage it if I do turn up positive, it’s fucking scary. I already have so many issues due to my type-1 diabetes, and adding HIV to that only opens up more possibilities for things to go wrong. 

And these are all things on top of every day anxiety and depression, the regularly-occurring negative automatic thoughts, the almost-constant isolated loneliness, the ever-present mild executive dysfunction. It was just a lot to deal with and I can normally do enough thought exercises to remind myself of the positive things in my life and how much good there is around me and that things aren’t that bad. But I did it for too long for too many things and never really allowed myself to be sad or scared or face the actual reality that things might NOT get better. And this past week, reality hit me hard in the face, and I was scared, and I felt alone, and I was sad. 

Anyways. Today I got out of the house, went to the doctor, and got some good news. My dad treated me to fish tacos for lunch and we went grocery shopping. He helped me take out the piles of trash bags, put my furniture back where it was before my post-op modifications, and straightened a few things up for me. Even in the first couple of hours since I’ve been home I’ve been able to do a few things that have made me feel SO much better. I can’t believe the difference in my mood from only 24 hours ago.

I’m already feeling a lot more optimistic and energized. I am so glad to have the people in my life that I do; not only IRL family and friends, but my online friends with whom I’ve developed meaningful relationships and who have done SO much for me these past few months. Thank you all, I love you. See you soon ;) get it because I’m blind in one eye?!?! 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #456

“i don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger, & that feels so rough”

What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for? I know at LEAST over an hour. I was in agony. What type of TV shows are your favourite? Animal docs. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? Bitch I still am lmao. Do you know anyone who has died in battle? No. When was the last time you went on an adventure? Bro, I could NOT tell you. I haven't had one of those in what feels like eons. What brand is your vacuum cleaner? I actually don't know. I don't pay attention. Are you good at rapping? Never tried, but I'm sure I'd be awful. I stutter too much. Name one world issue that upsets you. Just ONE????????? Well, I can name homelessness as very high on the list. How do you feel about tanning? I hate it. I can't stand the heat, so why would I deliberately go bake in it? Have you ever given a public speech? Yeah, in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade when I was innnn... one of those grades, idr which. It was for my D.A.R.E. essay. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? NOOOOOOOOOOO I'm way too awkward. Kiss with your eyes open or closed? Bro who tf kisses with their eyes open, that shit is creepy. Do you believe you can change someone? No. One can only change themselves. How did you react when your first pet died? I have no memory of our first pet. Have you ever drawn anime? No. Can you use a pogo stick? When I was a kid, I became a MASTER. I got one for I want to say Christmas and I was obsessed. When’s the next time you’ll see the person that you like? Idk, first he needs to get on Facebook and see I messaged him alsdkfjalkdj. He like never gets on there. Do you like bathing/showering? No. One, it's a chore, and two, it's actually painful for me, standing up so long and propping my legs up and stuff like that to clean myself properly. Have you ever considered entering a race? HEEEEEEEEEEELL no. Rihanna or Lady Gaga? Probably Gaga, idk. Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I actually kinda want a TV now? What do you take the most pictures of? Flowers. What are you always in the mood for? Lately, Krispy Kreme donuts, lol. I haven't had one in a very long time, but goddamn does a hot glazed donut sound BANGIN' right now and has for days. What is something that you never turn down? Hm... how am I blanking??? What is something that you always turn down when offered? Certain foods or drinks, like tea. Name something sexy about your significant other. I don't have one'a those. What is one of your hobbies that you refuse to give up? Um, idk. As interests work, I may move away from any hobby eventually. If you could be a professional in any sport what would it be? Dance. If you could be a professional at any instrument what would it be? Violin. Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician? A mortician. That job doesn't even seem all that bad to me? I think it'd be kinda chill somehow???? I could NEVER be a surgeon. I'd be terrified of fucking something up. Have you ever been on a subway? No. Are you in love? No. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? *eyes emoji* Do you want to get married when you’re older? Yes. What was the last band shirt you wore? PROBABLY my Metallica shirt? But I'm unsure, ultimately. You can have a milkshake right now. What flavor do you choose? Ugh, I've been wanting a nice chocolate milkshake for a while. Have you ever given someone flowers? For Mother's Day one year, I collected some wildflowers to put in a jar for Mom. I've also given Jason roses before. I really wanted to give Sara some when I surprised her for her birthday, but I didn't want to ask her parents to drive me somewhere where I could buy her some, ha ha. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? None. My days are all the same. Do you have any concerts coming up? No, but UGH, I was so hyped a few days ago because I saw Motionless In White was going on tour next year, but of course they're going to the big city on the OTHER end of the state versus the capital, which I'm way closer to. -_- Bands ALWAYS choose Charlotte on the super rare occasion they come to NC... Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ugh, I hate it. What’s your favorite brand of chips? Doritos, maybe? Between Mountain Dew and those... I am such a fucking gamer stereotype lmfao. Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud? I think I had to before in school? Idr. Do you like pineapple? Love it. Does your house have a dishwasher? Yes. A dishwasher is one thing I MUST have in my own future house. I cannot stand touching dirty dishes. Do you know anyone who has a flower tattoo? Oh, absolutely. Sunflower tattoos are especially popular around here. How many different languages can you say goodbye in? English, German, and uhhh Spanish? Agree or disagree: You like Adam Sandler movies. I don't mind them. I've never understood the hate, honestly? I think he's capable of being funny. Have you ever had to get a tooth pulled? If so, what for? Only by myself when I was a kid losing my baby teeth. Have you ever dated anyone while they were in jail? Nooooo. If you’ve ever babysat, do you like it? Fuck no, I hate it. What is your favorite flavor on sunflower seeds? I don't like those. Do you get cold easily? No, but I get hot extremely easily. Do you get a lot of spiders in your house? I don't think so, no. Do you admire nature? I positively adore nature. If only we treated it better... Name one naughty thing you’ve done. Done sexual things in places I probably shouldn't have, oops. Name two of your favorite things as a child. Pokemon and Webkinz. Do you own a Pillow Pet? No. They're cute, though. My niece has one. Do you tend to solve problems with violence? Absolutely not. Have either of your parents gone to jail? No. Do you know a hoarder? Yes. Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows? I just leave 'em be, honestly. Do you have any interesting scar stories? Not really. Do you hate the texture of meatballs? No, I love me some meatballs. Do you get migraines? Very, very rarely. They fucking suck. Do you like guns? NOOOOOOO guns terrify me alsd;kjfal;sdjfk Are turtles amazing creatures? All animals are. :') How much time do you spend taking surveys? A whole lot. It's just that I'm like... always bored and the randomness of surveys can add interesting little flares to the day, I guess. Would you rather visit: The Eiffel Tower or Egyptian Pyramids? Pyramids, for sure. Would you like to work at a candy shop? No. I don't want to work directly with people. Do you have feelings for someone? It's funny; now that I've settled the extreme indecision, I've come to realize that they're very strong feelings. How you go from being indecisive to really, really liking somebody, hell if I know. Which one of your guy friends is the best looking? Uhhh Girt is like my only real guy friend, so I guess it's by default him, ha ha. I'm not particularly attracted to him, but he's not ugly by any means. Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf? I'm so sorry. Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player? Either Ozzy or Metallica. Most likely Ozzy, though. Which song describes your mood at the moment? Hm. I dunno. Which movie(s) do you quote the most? None, really. Which one of your best friend’s friends would you most likely date? None; we don't share irl friends, being many states apart, and not even that many online ones. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? I don't have my own car. Which one of your friends will be the most successful? I'm not psychic. What store did you last shop at? Mom and I picked up a Wal-Mart order the other day. Do you think telepathy is real? Absolutely not. When did you last draw something for fun? A few days ago, I started a drawing of Maieykio for Sara. Who makes the most in your entire family? I have no idea. Do you like writing essays? I don't mind, if the topic interests me. Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal? Nah. Well, I think you can take it to an visual extreme, but that's just my opinion. Do what makes you comfortable in your own body. Do you take your trash to the dump or have it picked up? It's picked up. When you sneeze do you sneeze into your shirt or your hands? The inside of my elbow. Do you usually have sex in the morning, noon or night time? It usually happened at night. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? Haven't taken it yet. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? OH MY GOD NEITHER Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one, really? Well, unless you count my change of feelings for Girt, but it's just that: a type of change. I've loved him platonically since high school, and it's like, I feel the same for him, just in a romantic way now? Does your car have a sunroof? No. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My mom. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope, not how I roll. Who’s the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Unless you count my cat. Are you friends with any of your teachers on Facebook? Former teachers, yes. I feel kinda bad for 'em now... They're all the sweetest, God-fearing people, and then there's my outspoken (online) and liberal ass sharing shit that's gotta disappoint them now lmaoooo.