#and not particularly in a romantic sense (though that too is one facet of many)

[softgrungeprophet]

i've said it before but i'll say it again, disco elysium really is a game which is—ceaselessly, unflinchingly, stubbornly, and with great determination—about love

[lunanoc]

xiuxiu/xiao hua/wu xie for the ship meme??

ohhh now this is interesting 👁️

i feel like i'm flooding the tags at this point oops

i'm not going to lie i've never really thought about these three as a ship but i need you to know the first thing that came to mind was the spiderman meme and it's all three of them pointing at each other 😂

it's another interesting one that i'm still not screeching about this thing needs a spare square for that but i feel like it ultimately runs into the same problem that xiehua does for me, in the sense they're all too similar in certain specific ways for it to truly work for their personalities. i do think these three have a great dynamic to explore though, both together and paired off into different two-by-two options. they're all childhood friends (or more like long-lost childhood friends in wu xie's case) are all three the heirs (or in xiao hua's case acting head, that happens a bit later for xiuxiu) of their respective jiumen families, and essentially carry similar baggage in terms of the burdens of their elders' choices impacting their lives to different extents. though some do a good job of showcasing how they work, namely ultimate note in particular, in my opinion none of the dramas really do it justice, so i'm going to be basing myself off of books 7 and 8 more particularly, because there's actually a wealth of material to look at there. you've got xiao hua and xiuxiu, who've grown up together and are good friends (one of xiao hua's only friends really), and they both trust each other' inherently as well as each other's respective competence. they work seamlessly really, and while i tend to see their relationship as more familial than romantic, it's not a stretch to see it that way. i've already touched on wu xie and xiao hua so i won't get back into that here, so i'll move on to wu xie and xiuxiu directly

wu xie comments multiple times on the fact he feels xiuxiu's mind seems to work very similarly to his, and i don't think he's wrong about that given you discover fairly quickly she just about as persistantly stubborn and crafty about it when she sets her eyes on a goal. she's the one, who observing from a young age that her grandmother (who favored her over her brothers because the huo family is matriarchal) was troubled in curious ways by her aunt huo ling's disappearance, investigated it on her own, discovered the discrepancies in the photographs huo ling was in pre and post banai expedition, hunted down jin wantang, and is the one who posted the missing persons ad that says "i have the fish" that wu xie finds while googling xiaoge's name all the way back in the first book. all this at the big age of 18. all this to say she's about as cunning and determined as wu xie proves himself to be, and while they're not the same people, and xiuxiu carries her own faults and shortcomings due in large part to her youth and inexperience (though even that in some ways mirros wu xie's who's never truly naive, only inexperienced), they're also quite similar. i've seen a number of people comment on wu xie and xiao hua being mirror images of each other, and they're not wrong, but there's also something to be said about xiuxiu in many ways being something of wu xie's female counterpart. i could go more into this namely the kinda vague hairpull idea i have that maybe xiuxiu in some ways might represent a facet of his idea of the ideal women that he still doesn't pursue that way but i'd be getting off topic

all this too much to say that i feel all three of them are weirdly different sides of die i can't say coin if there's three of them, and it even shows in their solidarity once wu xie drags himself enough out of his severe depression post zhang family tomb and its fallout. he chooses to face xiuxiu, who at first resented his desecrating of her grandmother's corpse (which for context, bodies are meant to be buried whole in chinese tradition, it is extremely taboo to do what he did), and because she's reasonable she quickly forgave him and warmed up to him again. from there, both wu xie and xiao hua act as xiuxiu's main support system to help her navigate the fraught huo family politics and the family business after huo xiangu's death, xiao hua in the north, wu xie in the south as he'd taken over wu sanxing's territory and businesses by then. up until tibetan sea flower, all three of them are very much a united front, and i'd say xiao hua and xiuxiu in some ways act as wu xie's support system just as much pangzi does over the phone, seeing as they indulge (xiao hua especially) wu xie's fixation on the things he brought back from the zhang family tomb

so tldr; i don't ship it like that but i do really love their relationship and i'm glad xiuxiu is more actively involved with them now

[anxietiefling]

things that, according to my headcanon, are objectively true:

essek spent over 120 years as a new soul speedily conquering the social ladder of a society that has no value for novelty and is heavily, canonically, competitive and “survival of the fittest”-minded. you can pick the drow out of the underdark like a zoo tycoon figure, but that won’t eliminate the fact that drow canonically have a harsh as fuck mindset about survival, as well as a pragmatic sense of familial structures. (the forgotten realms wiki was a great read on that and i still am in awe of matt mercer if he intended that subtle, yet meaningful connection.)

someone with essek’s intellect, though emotionally even less available then the average customer support hotline, would not be successful in what he does without being able to recognize flirting and utilising it in turn. so, i say: essek knows how he comes across, he knows what he looks like, he wields both of those things like a weapon in his arsenal. he is one of those people who can make you read everything into the tiniest bit of attention and then even more in the withdrawal of the same. he’s perfected the moth to flame thing without ever actually compromising his own need for personal space and solitude - too many risks in actually getting involved with someone. i say, he’s never had the slightest interest nor inclination towards an emotional or physical relationship, not only because he's demi, but because it was never of any value. he spent his whole 120-year-something-life without it and was fully fine with it. at most, he kissed two people as a teenager and decided it wasn't worth the hype.

until the nein fuck his life and his worldview up, enable him to actually consider other peoples needs and wants as a valid and important part of his universe, and basically create the foundation for him to consider a romantic and/or physical relationship as an option. imho, he could not actually have been genuinely in love with caleb during the whole of canon, because he didn’t even have the emotional capacity to fall in love - and when he does, his unique relationship with caleb just gains a new facet. there was attraction, yes, fascination, sure, but nothing he wouldn't have understood (and used to his advantage) before.

also. that man is so fucking touch starved. touch-famined. touch-bereft, if you will. once touch becomes an option, he’s probably to overwhelmed to ask for it, and when it’s freely offered, even more so by caleb, who is so. fucking. tactile, it takes him a loooooong time to recognize his need for it and express it. i’m convinced he’ll never be a particularly cuddly person. he’s more of a “intense hugs”-guy. his idea of a pet name is caleb's full name. caleb said "lifelong friends" after the end of their romantic relationship, but i'm convinced essek loves and is devoted to caleb in ways incomprehensible to somone who doesn't have his lifespan. to him, that relationship never ends, it just changes.

i fucking love sexy, seductive, manipulative spymaster!essek headcanons and fic, and i love demisexual-romantic-panic-120-year-old-virgin!essek fic. and i love "this human and our friends changed me fundamentally and my love for them is as intense as i am as a person"!essek, the neutral evil apple of my eye. i just love essek.

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

Why Cullen?

Today I bring you a post I’ve been in the process of mentally drafting for a while, a post that essentially analyzes the age old question in the Dragon Age fandom: Why is there always something with Cullen?

To do this, I am going to go through different “phases” of Cullen discourse. My thesis and answering the titular question: It’s complicated, and I don’t think I can answer “Why Cullen,” but “there’s sometimes recycled discourses made about his character through the years, maybe there’s a pattern.” When it comes to Cullen’s detractors, I understand the fact that it might be frustrating to see much content for someone so “boring” when there’s more “interesting” and “well done” characters (though interest is of course relevant) so it leads to a lot of vitriol from both new and old fans who think the man had too much screen time already. Furthermore, he is highly complicated man dressed as a Disney prince, and the “Disney-esque” feel of his romance creates a dissonance between coming to terms with his problematic past and reveling in the romanticism. We can have a happy medium everyone,  but because of what I can only describe as “tik tok thought” it’s become looked down upon to have problematic favorites, which leads to guilt in liking something problematic, or outright revisionism.

But liking things with problematic elements doesn’t make you a bad person.

Alright, let’s begin: 

The first phase truly began of course with DAO with Cullen’s crush on the female Circle Mage Warden. Some were endeared, others not so much. I cannot speak to this phase too much as I was around 15-16 and pretty preoccupied with my high school drama instead of fandom, though I played both DAO and DA2 upon it’s release and followed updates for DA2 before it came out. Despite not being an active fandom member I was what they would call, a lurker. I knew some people liked Cullen and thought he was cute, wishing for more screen time after the game and hoping he’d be in DAI through IMDB message boards (remember those?) and YoutTube comments. When news broke he’d be an advisor in DAI and a romance option, I remember seeing a lot of people in those same spaces rejoice. I’m sure there were also people who weren’t so pleased, but from what I saw, people were happy. When Inquisition did release, I actually did quite a bit more lurking on tumblr despite the fact I didn’t have a blog, because I played the romance route, really gravitated toward it, and wanted to see fanart and such. People liked the romance, liked his arc and how Bioware handled his struggles with lyrium; and found it realistic. Even in my lurking days I did see some blowback on Cullen from detractors, those who didn’t think he should have been the military advisor (which canonically it makes total sense to me why he’s where he’s at, but I won’t get into it here however.) But likely because I wasn’t fully “in fandom,” my surface level understanding of how tumblr felt about Cullen was relatively positive and there was only standard fare discourse.

Phase 2: I can speak about this phase better because I established this blog in 2017. Two years after DAI was released, you still had a lot of fans who loved his romance and character, but you also saw a lot of those fans really dive into his flaws, insisting even that just focusing on the Disney Prince aspects of him reduced his character. There were also more internal debates. Would realistically Cullen be a good father was one. One thing however was for sure, there was a strange them and us line between detractors and fans, and to many fans, myself included, oftentimes the Cullen blowback would extend beyond the valid, “hey I don’t think his characterization was handled well” or “his redemption arc isn’t that great” to outright vitriolic hate that blatantly ignored his PTSD and lyrium addiction, and even sometimes “you just like Cullen because he’s white.” As a POC fan it was a fantastic thing to be accused of. I used to be more involved with discord during this period and I remember a few discussions about this as well. Even those indifferent to Cullen didn’t get it.

Overall, I have to say the air was one where people in Cullen fandom enjoyed all aspects of him, from delving into this troubled past to indulging in the Disney prince aspects of him. It was a happy medium I think, even if occasionally I would see a Cullen fan feel bad for liking him, and feel like they needed to justify it. Heck I even did and still do feel that way sometimes, like I need to justify what I like. But we all come into fandom for different reasons. I come into fandom some days for different things. Sometimes I want smut with my favorite character, other times I want more intense thought pieces and challenging fics. Great thing about fandom is that it’s a bakery that has cherry tarts, cinnamon rolls, or all kinds of pie depending on your mood. Craving a different sweet treat, you can make your own. Or you can commission an artist or writer for something you fancy.

*(sexual assault mentions here late in the paragraph****)And now I’ve been warped back into Cullen/DA fandom through what I am calling phase three, where the general air on Cullen reads as….very different. After having one foot outside DA fandom for a while coming back and reading the air has been different. There was the bizarre nuggetgate and other things with Cullen. Now, instead of accepting his flaws and exploring him there seems to be a lot of revisionism going on, as if his past never happened or we’re supposed to ignore he was a templar. A sexually active Cullen is looked down upon but in a different way from before. Instead of smut works with him “reducing his complicated character.” it’s distasteful to write smut with him where he’s sexually dominant or even just a lot of smut because he was sexually assaulted. (***Now, it is implied that he was, if you are a female Circle mage in DAO, with “sifting through my thoughts, tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have” but this is an implication. I will be honest, it is what I have implied. However, it’s not there if you’re not a female Mage. He was however canonically sexually harassed in the Winter Palace, something I will always argue, even if canon treats it like a joke, even if Leliana tells him to “just look pretty.” Just because he is a man doesn’t make it funny that someone grabbed his bottom, and if you take Cole he flat out says “Cullen is afraid.”***)

So here I am, wondering what changed and what’s going on. Here’s what I believe: Cullen is a complicated character and his flaws and his past make him interesting to me, and they are interesting to explore. However there is nothing wrong with wanting to just explore a romantic, sexual Cullen. He’s a character with many facets. He’s romantic, determined, nostalgic, stubborn, unrelenting, loyal, driven, all things that made him seem so real. Here we get to my theory: in today’s media “criticisms” I see people—particularly younger people—beat themselves up for liking something problematic. It’s like every time you engage with media that’s potentially problematic you have to write essays to yourself why it is so and hold yourself accountable. I see this on tik-tok a lot and why I refer to it as “tik tok thought.” Look at the way some young Hamilton fans talk about the musical, or heck even here, and you may see what I mean. It’s like if you don’t acknowledge the problematic aspects of the historical figures behind their fictional portrayals in the show you’re a bad person. Same thing with nostalgic Disney fans my age in younger, if you don’t clown on Ariel for “choosing a man over anything” (SHE LIKED THE SURFACE WORLD BEFORE SHE MET ERIC) you don’t get your brownie points.

I want to make it clear: being critical of media is good. I am glad I see young people and people my age think about the messages we are given in media, but somehow this is turned into ANALYZE EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Ya’ll I’m a grad student. I’m critical most of the time, when I come to my tumblr blog’s lawn I’m here mostly to have some fun, and hey sometimes my fun is being critical. But sometimes it isn’t. You do not have to always be critical. You do not have to beat yourself up for liking something that’s problematic or write an essay about why it is as if that’s your due diligence in stanning a fictional character. I’m going to be honest I used to kind of think I had to justify my likes once, especially because of the Cullen vitriol on tumblr. I worked overtime in my early fanfic efforts to try to prove to the world I knew Cullen was problematic for fear I’d be perceived as just an idiot horny fangirl. Well, let me tell you: I largely don’t think that way anymore. If I want to just enjoy writing some smut or reading some smut with him, I am. But I think there is a second part of this in Cullen fandom currently, a revisionism of his problematic elements. Now, if you have to do mental gymnastics with a character in an effort to ignore problematic elements, perhaps you don’t like the character that much. That’s totally okay. DA has many awesome characters to write about and stan.

So, why Cullen? For so many reasons a bit of a shit show has always followed this character. There’s a divide between fans and his detractors and sometimes there’s a divide within the Cullen fandom. What I can extrapolate for now is the need to keep him squeaky clean and safe and away from anything “problematic” because his of past, his templar roots, or the fact that he’s white when there are POC characters with less content. It reads as a guilt associated with liking him. But please, do not be guilty. He’s not real. Templars aren’t real, mages aren’t real, Cullen isn’t real. Here’s my advice, something I learned while in my directing class in college. What my teacher always said was direct what turns you on, direct a story that gets you thinking, gets you excited. What gets you thinking and excited in a fictional world may be tons of conflict and dramatics, or it may be peace and love. Sometimes it can be both or more. Don’t shame others for coming to a bakery and wanting blueberry when you want cherry, and the baker has both, especially if the baker labels each pie, especially if the recipe for the pie has some salt in it and people like the salt. We can have it all and enjoy it all. What we want in our fiction doesn’t always align with something we may want real life. Lots of people write Modern girl in Thedas stories. Ya’ll if that actually happened to one of us it would probably suck. I’d probably get killed and not even get to meet Cullen and pose around the desk to get things going, so I’d rather it not happen. However, it is fun to read about.

Again, don’t be guilty for liking Cullen, please. But if you have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to like Cullen, maybe you don’t like him at all. To that I say, there are many other amazing characters, or perhaps you could write your own.

[bettsfic]

Hello i hope you are doing well! I was just wondering if you had any advice re: writing kissing/sex/etc scenes effectively without making it sound super clinical and "insert tab x into slot y"? I know there's a balance to be struck between writing out all the physical bits vs what your audience actually needs to get the gist of the scene, and you do it so well in your writing.

sorry for the delay answering this! first i’d like to direct you to @star-sky-earth‘s tips for good sex writing. truly, she is the master of smut, and her breakdown is better than anything i can tell you. 

here are some big-picture thoughts i have about sex writing, in no particular order:

recently i’ve been asking myself of the purpose and function of sex scenes. when i started writing, every sex scene de facto had to be pornographic, with the intention of reader arousal. over the last several years i’ve really stepped down from that idea, because most of the time i’m writing sex scenes to 

unveil character 

increase or release romantic/sexual tension

explore some facet of sexual identity and intimacy.

with that in mind, i haven’t necessarily been artfully describing throbbing cocks or slick folds lately. i’m more interested in the lead-up and consequences of a sexual interaction between characters. i’ve been practicing what i call the gloss-over and fade-to-black, where i either summarize the scene or skip it entirely. it felt a little bit like a self-betrayal the first time i did it, because i always like to read sex scenes even if i’m not reading them as porn. i’ve been playing with a “less is more” approach to sex. 

in original writing, particularly literary writing, i think smut can sometimes be a hard sell (see: taking years to publish my short stories, which are all very, uh, porny). i had to practice writing sex as exactly how you put it, insert tab x into slot y. i think there’s something to be said for sex writing that is the opposite of pornographic, but also isn’t cringe, you know? like writing sex that is an honest and loving portrayal of the act. sometimes i think that’s hotter than throbbing cocks and slick folds. by that i mean, keeping the sex scene exactly the same sort of narration as the rest of the story, just another thing that happens in a greater conflict (pwp notwithstanding). 

in a romance, sex or the first kiss is the highest-stakes moment. it’s the scene where characters are the most vulnerable. the greatest stakes most stories are capable of are creation and destruction. creation being sex, in either a literal baby-making way, or a metaphorical “creating a relationship together” kind of way. destruction being, of course, death. romances and comedies tend to end in creation; tragedies in destruction. so the first kiss, the first time having sex, and the wedding are all narratively emblematic of one of the greatest possible stakes. death and failure fall at the opposite end of the spectrum.

so, with all that said, i think sex writing very much comes down to the sentence-level construction. here are some smaller-scale thoughts:

in terms of genitalia epithets, personally i’m not fond of any words other than cock, cunt, and clit, with the occasional dick thrown in. i don’t mind other epithets when i read, but i just don’t like them for my own writing. let’s use “cock” as an example. “cock” is a noun, which means it’s either the subject or object of a sentence, which in turn means it’s the thing doing the action or receiving the action (pun, sorry). as the subject, it would be “his cock throbbed.” as the object, it would be, “he touched his cock.” navigating the naming of genitalia is i think one of the hardest (sorry) thing about porn writing. i try to use “cock” et al very sparingly, because when it comes up (sorry) it’s more jarring/surprising. that means i have to construct sentences around nouns which, as you might imagine, is difficult. often, when cock is the object, i’ll refer to it as “himself” instead, which i’m sure has a fancy rhetorical term i can’t think of right now (update: metonym. it’s called a metonym). (and i’m sure some linguist or rhetorician has probably written a whole paper on how problematic it is to refer to genitalia as one’s entire person). for example, “he stroked himself.” out of porn context, you get a very ambiguous image. one can stroke any part of one’s body. however in context, even though it’s not directly stated, we can assume he is, in fact, jerking it. 

generally speaking, in non-porn narration, i’m not fond of adjectives. again, i’m speaking to my own style here, and not prescribing it for others. but it’s taken me a lot of time and thinking to figure out how to construct my own writing style and i made the executive decision to use adjectives somewhat minimally (explaining why is probably a separate post). however, when it comes to sex scenes, i let myself use them a lot, as a treat. adjectives can concisely develop and complicate images. “cock” doesn’t tell me much about what image to conjure. “red, swollen cock wet at the tip” tells me a whole lot about what said cock looks like. here, red and swollen are adjectives and “wet at the tip” is an adjectival phrase. developing images is key to an arousing sex scene. imagery establishes physical response without resorting to “it felt good.” there’s nothing wrong with “it felt good” but if you’re trying to get your reader off, “red, swollen cock wet at the tip” is going to do a better job of it.

now to verbs. verbs are my favorite because they neatly package (sorry) action and imagery together. the word “thrust” conjures a different image than “grind.” both, however, push the scene along. once you establish that the fuckening is happening, you don’t really have to do much else. when you watch porn proper, you get however many minutes of said thrusting, and that’s what, for some people, is alluring. however, in writing, you can’t really write that exactly as it happens. it would be “he thrust. he pulled out. he thrust. he pulled out.” and nobody wants to read that. presumably. maybe someone would dig that, idk.

so instead of “he thrust x100″ or whatever, you use verbs to notate changes in the scene. on a big scale, it would involve changing position. on a smaller scale, it might be, colloquially speaking, “hit the spot that made him see stars.” each change, or verb, is usually increasing the tension to lead to the (literal) climax of the scene. the number and scale of the changes dictates the explicitness and pacing of the scene. the bigger the change in a single verb, the less explicit and shorter your scene will be; the smaller the verbs, the longer and more explicit it becomes. for example, “he got undressed” is different than describing an entire paragraph of removing each article of clothing. “she came” is different than describing each wave of orgasm, etc. which you choose depends entirely on, as i mentioned earlier, the purpose and function of the scene. 

okay so that’s enough about the nitty gritty of sex writing. i’d be remiss to spend so much time theorizing about sentence-level construction without giving you an activity or exercise as practice. so here’s how you might start out writing a sex scene if you’re totally lost. please note, this is not a rule, or even a guideline. it’s an experiment to help you get words on a page so you can revise it into something better.

try out a paragraph with a sentence of each of the following, in this order:

action: character A does something to character B 

reaction: character B reacts (moan, crying out, etc.)

image: dependent on what POV character is seeing, but the point is to pause in the action to describe something

repeat

if you stick to this too closely, you’ll definitely sound clinical, but also if you keep this pattern in mind, at least you’ll get a scene down. when you go to revise, you can move things around, throw in some dialogue, and most importantly, internal narration. internal narration during the sex scene is the key to moving forward whatever the actual plot of the story is (if applicable). 

god i hope this makes sense. if it doesn’t, feel free to drop back in and ask for clarification. anyway, happy porning! 

[junggoku]

(Don’t) Say My Name - Ethan Ramsey x f!MC

book: Open Heart

pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Nina Valentine)

word count: 2,513

summary: No, Nina did not think she was working too much. No, she is not that tired. No, she is fine. Really. She’s fine. (*narrator voice* She was not, in fact, fine)

A/N: Okay guys, just take this. I have no idea what this is, but I made a promise to get this out there and I finally finished it. I’ve been working on this for about a month now and honestly, I’m kinda proud of it. I’m proud that I managed to finish it at least. HELLO MY DEBUT AS A FANFIC WRITER MUAHA. Jk, but seriously. Enjoy! Also, let me know if you wanna be added to my tagslist? I’m not sure if I’m gonna write often but I figured I should throw it out there anyway.

Rainy weather always brought with it a certain restlessness in the air. There was something about the rain that made her lose focus, distracted as it falls and showers the earth. With her head resting in her hand, her attention was directed towards the windows in the cafeteria, watching as raindrops patter and hit the side of the glass. Her eyes tracked the movement of one particular drop, following as it slid down the smooth surface until it disappeared over the edge. 

Dr. Nina Valentine leaned back in her chair with a sigh, taking her elbow off the table and turning to witness the smattering of doctors and nurses inside the cafeteria at this hour. It was later in the afternoon at Edenbrook and she had been pouring over a patient file in an attempt to distract herself from the bone-aching exhaustion seeping in from working 48 hours straight. In between putting her five hours at the free clinic earlier, studying up on diseases for the diagnostics team, and checking up on her regular patients, Nina was about two breaths away from falling asleep atop her file on one Ms. Rebecca Pope.

With a scrape of her chair, she pushed her hands on the table and stood up, gathering all her materials and drifting back out into the hallways of a bustling hospital. Making her way over to one of the nurses’ stations where a small collection of interns had congregated, Nina noticed the head of her own intern standing on to the side alone, brows furrowed as she focused intensely on a patient’s chart. 

“Anything interesting on there, Ortega?” 

With a start, Esme looked up, her eyes wide for a split second before schooling her features. 

“Not particularly, no,” Huffing, the intern lowered the chart, fixing her eyes on Nina. As the resident reached the counter of the station and set her stuff down, she could feel Esme’s gaze sticking, and glanced up at her intern, an eyebrow raised in question. 

“What?” 

“You look like the walking dead,” Esme states flatly, zeroing in on the deep circles under Nina’s eyes, purplish bruises broadcasting to everyone exactly how many hours of sleep she got—or did not get—in the past couple of days. 

“Gee, thanks. Mind you, I think it’s a great look for me,” 

“No, seriously. You look like you’re about to fall over. Do all residents sport eyebags like that or is that just a you thing?” 

Rolling her eyes, Nina doesn’t respond as she turns her attention back to some paperwork on the desk. Esme sidles up, and steals a quick glance down at the files and journals Nina had placed on the counter. “Stuff for the diagnostics team?” 

“Yeah. Gotta turn myself into a walking disease encyclopedia if I’m gonna be able to do my job,” Nina sighs as Esme pulls out an article on gastrointestinal viruses, ignoring the group of interns that was still hovering nearby, a couple of them glancing over at them curiously. The last few hours are starting to get to her as Nina feels herself slipping a fraction, her eyelids growing heavier as she stands. Her workload had grown significantly, something that she already knew and expected, and while it was challenging to keep up with, thinking about the patients she can help—can still help for who knows how much longer—kept her moving. 

Esme flips through some of the pages in the article, “Man, seriously. How do you do it? I’m getting second hand exhaustion just from looking at this.”

The corners of her mouth quirked as she allowed herself to take a breath. “I’m not sure I’m even really doing it.”

It’s getting harder to focus. She’s been putting off sleep so often these days that she knows she’s not going to be able to stand upright for much longer, but she couldn’t afford to. Edenbrook’s situation loomed in her mind so much recently it was hard for her to sleep without thinking about all the patients she could still help if she was at the hospital. 

Preparing to head back to check on another one of her patients, Nina started to turn around. She miscalculated though, moving too fast. Esme’s voice rang out in mild alarm, “Hey-”

It all faded to black.

----

“Is she gonna be okay?” Sienna glanced over at Nina, eyebrows furrowed in worry. Her friend was snuggled up in what looked like three layers of blankets, an almost blissful expression on her face. The light sleep medication was setting in, Nina’s nerves stilled and numbed. Sienna knew her friend had been working late hours and forgoing sleep more often lately, but didn’t notice just how much of a toll it had taken until Nina collapsed, head burning with a high fever. 

“She’ll be alright. She’s still running a bit high in body temperature, but with some rest she should be good as new.”    

With that the doctor walked out, leaving the residents as they all peered at their friend, now snoring lightly without a care in the world. Jackie shook her head, a strand of hair falling into her eyes, “I should’ve noticed. That kid we babysat a few weeks ago saw it right away and even then I didn’t pay attention.” 

“Not your fault. We all should’ve said something. We know how she gets about patients,” Bryce sighed. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this right now anyways. Let’s go and let her sleep,” Casting one more concerned glance at Nina, Elijah slowly wheeled out of the room, the others trailing closely behind. A soft click of the door closing and the world was bathed in quiet once more. 

The air settled, a strip of the moonlight trickled in and Nina opened her eyes, releasing a breath, and tilting her head to look out the slits in the window. 

Raising a hand to her forehead, she continued peering out, a small frown crossing her soft features. Stupid. How stupid of her to end up passing out. And from not getting enough sleep? This was the last thing she needed. Feeling annoyed at herself, the brunette huffed and closed her eyes again. The sooner she rested, the quicker she could get back to her patients. 

Admittedly, being in a bed again felt nice. Good for her neck at least, to not have to nap on the stiff boards in the on-call room. Allowing the numbness from the medications to kick in, she willed herself to fall asleep and relaxed her muscles. It was pleasant, to be honest. Letting her nerves and senses be dulled for once. It’s been ages since she was able to shut down her brain. Everything had been in hyperfocus mode in the past month. 

She needs to be better if she’s going to be helping anyone, if she’s going to save Edenbrook. Her sluggish thoughts are interrupted though, as the sound of the door click signaled a new arrival in her room. Assuming it was one of the nurses, Marlene, coming to check on her, Nina kept her tired eyes shut, “Mar-”

“Nina.”

A pause. It’s in moments like these where Nina swears the world slows down just a little, everything suspended as time lulls for a brief second, like an intake of breath. And while her mother always told her she was a bit dramatic and a bit of a romantic, Nina would argue that she never felt these kinds of sensations, had these kinds of moments and these thoughts before in her life. Not quite in this way. Not until she came to Edenbrook. Not until him. 

Even in her befuddled state, she realized how sappy she sounded in her head. The meds must be getting to me. In this condition, she might have been a little too honest. 

The way he said her name created a throb in her chest, bringing up an emotion she refused to acknowledge at the moment. Still, she was aware enough to hear something else in his voice. Try as he might to control it, there was a hint of anger there.

“Ah. Dr. Ramsey. To what...” Another pause, “...do I owe the pleasure?” Cracking open her eyes, Nina found the tall figure of Ethan Ramsey by the door, his arms crossed over his chest, face carefully blank. 

Even in the low lighting of the room, Nina could see him scanning up and down her frame to make sure she was alright. Ice blue eyes finally connected with warm brown ones and she willed herself not to look away. That bothersome part of her mind started to tickle, but she quickly opted to ignore it. 

“I was told you fainted and landed yourself here from exhaustion. Why didn’t you say anything?” 

The junior fellow broke eye contact, staring straight ahead at the potted plant on the dresser across from her bed. “I just...it didn’t really matter. I was fine.”

“Clearly, you were not fine, since you’re now lying here in a hospital room.” Voice rising, Ethan crossed the rest of the way over, coming to stand right beside her bed. “If your workload was too much, you should’ve spoken up about it. I understand you wanted to keep working, but you’re not helping anyone in your state right n-”” 

“You nag too much, Dr. Ramsey.”

“...Excuse me?” 

Rolling her eyes up all the way to the ceiling, Nina turned her head towards the window again and tried to drown out the deep facets of his voice. “I passed out from being too sleepy and the first thing you do when seeing me is to nag. How sweet of you.” She was growing frustrated for some reason, the medication making it difficult for her to control her emotions now. Would it kill him to be honest for once? 

Ethan’s mouth was opened to respond, but she didn’t let him, her words spilling out. “You always know just what to say. Really. It’s very cute of you. Are you a pine tree? Cause you’re just full of sap, aren’t you,” 

A moment of silence as Ethan waited for her to finish.   

“...That’s a maple tree.”

“Oh,” The brunette frowned. Was it? She really needed to sleep soon. 

They descended into another bout of awkward silence. Glancing back at her boss, she found him peering down at the ground, scratching the back of his neck. In a quiet voice he broke the silence, “I’m sorry.” 

Deflated, the junior fellow shook her head slowly. “No. I’m sorry. I got mad for no reason. Thanks for coming to check on me.” Being around him always made her feel a multitude of emotions, but it was worse in her current situation. She didn’t have her usual self-control nor her filter and the fuzziness creeping at the back of her head told her she wasn’t going to actually remember this conversation the following morning. ‘Least I won’t remember calling him a pine tree like a dumbass. 

Eyes softening a fraction, Ethan spoke again, voice pleasantly gentle this time, “When I heard you collapsed all of a sudden, I was...it was concerning to say the least.” His hand came up to her forehead, lightly brushing away her bangs. His fingers were cool and felt pleasant against the warmth of her skin. Staring up at him, the soft stream of the moonlight accentuated his sharp, handsome features, and her heart stuttered again. 

The furrow in between his eyebrows was irritating her. She hated when he made that face. Like he was disappointed in himself. For not having caught on sooner. As if any of this was his fault.  

“I’m okay now though,” Fixing a smile that probably wasn’t all too convincing, Nina tried to reassure him. “And besides, this was on me. If I can’t handle it I’ll let you know next time. Alright?” Stop making that face. 

He didn’t say anything for a while, seemingly content to just gaze down at her, as though he were trying to find something. Sadly, the brunette wasn’t in any state to try deciphering it now. His fingers had moved lower, caressing her cheek softly. “I’m sorry again for raising my voice earlier. I guess I was just frustrated you weren’t looking after yourself. You make it very easy to nag at you.” 

Feeling slightly indignant at that, Nina pursed her lips into a small pout, but she quickly sagged again, too tired to reply in her usual spirit. Instead, she tried focusing on the feel of his fingers brushing on her skin. 

“It’s alright. Really. I’m sorry too. For snarking at you.”

“Mhmm. That was hurtful,” What looked like amusement lit up his eyes, a minute smirk playing at the corners of his lips, “You even tried calling me a maple tree.” 

“To be fair, you’re as prickly as a pine tree. So I guess it still works.”

Chuckling, Ethan shook his head a little, a quiet fondness crossing his expression as he watched the junior fellow’s eyes begin to droop. 

“I should let you get your rest. It’d be a waste if you didn’t use this time to catch up on sleep,” With that he began to move away, retracting his hand and Nina already missed it. “Goodnight, Nina.” He whispered. As Ethan began to turn around and take his leave, the brunette let the silence linger for a second before speaking up one more time, voice so soft she wasn’t sure he’d be able to hear, “Please don’t say it like that.” 

A pause. There were so many pauses tonight. 

“...What?” Bemused, Ethan spun back around. 

Nina avoided looking at him, keeping her eyes on the ceiling. “Whenever you say my name like that...it hurts.” He’d be able to pick up the rest of what she didn’t say. It hurts to hear you call my name like that. Like you’re saying everything and nothing all at once. Like it’s a wish you want desperately but can never grant. Like you lo-  She blinked, turning her head slightly to him.    

A deep sadness flashes across Ethan’s face, reflecting her own yearning back at her. He audibly released a breath, piecing together what he wants to say. What he can and should say. 

“Nina, I...” It’s always the same game between them. 

“...Yeah. I know.” 

With that, Nina adjusted herself to at last allow sleep to take over, pulling up her blankets to her chin and shutting her eyes a final time, “Goodnight, Ethan.” In her growing drowsiness, she could hear faint footsteps crossing back to her, but she didn’t open her eyes again, sleep quickly overtaking her senses. 

An undefined emotion tickled at the back of her head and her chest throbbed again. She already had an idea of what that feeling was. But tonight, she didn’t want to think about it. She wasn’t ready to give it its proper name. All she wanted tonight was to dream about blue eyes and low chuckles. In her dreams, she could feel a soft brush of her temple, the faintest touch of his lips. It’ll never really be enough, but tonight it was everything.

Fin.

tagslist: @openheart12​ @ethandaddyramsey​ @noboundariesplease​ @ethanramseysgirl​ @sekizincimektup​ @drethanramslay​    

[feliciamontagues]

My Ranking of Every Hercule Flambeau Episode (S01-S08)

There are some spoilers for S7 and S8, but they are fairly vague and pretty much the sort of thing that you might see on the official press release. So not true spoilers as such. Also this is totally subjective and the result of my own personal biases. It’s also behind the cut because it’s looooonnng. 

8. The Two Deaths of Hercule Flambeau (s06e10)--

So, this episode is *fine*. It’s hardly the worst episode of the show, but it’s easily the weakest of the Flamby eps, despite their being a few isolated moments I enjoy. (Hercule getting a long overdue bedroom scene for one :P)

My main gripe is with this episode is the uneven way Lisandra Flambeau is written. The script seems to flip-flop over whether we are supposed to find her sympathetic or not.  On one hand,  many scenes imply that she genuinely loves Hercule despite them having a shotgun marriage after only a few days of knowing each other. On the other hand, she does not hesitate for a minute before poisoning an innocent (Fr. B) for no other reason than to hurt Flamby, which makes her lose a lot of sympathy points.

And as a result, it seems to make Flambeau seem like more of arse than normal for betraying her, while somehow also absolving him of responsibility for doing so, because she turns around and does *THAT.*

And ngl, it does make me a little uncomfortable that while the character of Lisandra (as an Italian) is possibly not meant to be interpreted as a POC, the actress portraying her definitely is. (Sara Martins is of Afro-Portuguese descent).  Which makes the uneven characterization (and underwritten-ness) seem even more glaring, especially  when compared to that of the other (white) women in Flambeau’s life (his first love Rebecca and his daughter Marianne, arguably Lady Felicia as well). It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth even if  in all likelihood, the part wasn’t written with Sara Martins in mind.

I think a much more interesting approach to Lisandra would be to have intending to betray Flambeau all along. Maybe she had her own agenda for seducing Flamby, meanwhile he thinks he’s the one using her for his plan. Maybe she does develop some feelings for him along the way, but it only makes her hesitate for a moment before going ahead with her original plan. That way, she keeps her agency and isn’t reduced to the “woman scorned” stereotype while also leaving the writers free to ship Flamby with others in the future without seemingly endorsing guilt-free adultery .

Other random note: I can’t take  parts of this episode seriously because the “Crown of Lombardy” is very obviously Guinevere’s crown from BBC Merlin with no attempt to alter or disguise it. 

7. The Daughter of Autolycus (s04e05)--

Not gonna lie, I am not really a fan of “character has long lost relative that we’ve never heard of until now” plots. And that goes double when said long-lost relative is a child or sibling. As such my low ranking of this episode is partly due to unconscious personal biases against that trope.

That being said, if we had to get a long-lost relative that we’ve never heard of until now plot, I’m so glad we got Marianne--even if it takes her another episode to really live up to her potential. 

I have to knock off a few more points for Nero Hound as a villain. For one thing, he was played by Nancy Carroll’s real-life hubby, but they didn’t let let him interact with Lady F at all. Such a *waste.*  Also Nero Hound is far too similar a name to Nero Wolfe, and I’ve definitely confused them on more than one occasion). He’s also rather generic in my opinion, even compared to some of Flambeau’s other “generic mobster” rivals/associates like the ones in S8.

However, there are some moments in this episode I genuinely like--particularly the theft “imagine spot” and Flambeau’s bishop disguise in general. Plus, the scenes where Flambeau and Marianne appear together are excellent, as are the hints that Marianne will become a redemptive trigger in Flambeau’s life.

6. The Judgement of Man (s03e10)--

Again, the low ranking of this one may be due to personal biases.  In this case, I’m still low-key bitter--five years later-- at the BBC marketing department for baiting me with the idea of Flambeau actually interacting with the rest of the squad (esp romantic tiems with Lady F)  and then giving me the absolute minimum of Felicia/Flambeau flirting and no Flambeau/Sid and Flambeau/Mrs. M interaction.

But there are other reasons why this is in my bottom 3 Flambeau episodes. 

Honestly, I feel like an equally compelling episode about the Vatican’s complicity in Nazi art theft could’ve been made without having to insert Flambeau in it. I mean I suppose it does make sense to have the art thief character  in the art episode, but still I feel like both Flambeau backstory and important historical lesson about Nazis, the Church, and Jewish art suffer from being crammed into the same episode. 

That being said, Mrs. McCarthy’s duchess disguise in this episode cleared my skin, watered my crops, etc, which is why I’ve ranked it higher than the previous two. 

5. The Folly of Jephthah (s08e05)

It loses a few points because I got very exited about the idea of Marianne becoming Bunty’s thief gf cool new friend, and yet in the episode itself, they only shared one scene and didn’t really interact much in it. That being said, I did like like that Bunty and Mrs. M had a bigger role in this episode than the squad usually gets in Flambeau episodes. 

Overall, I feel this episode works a lot better than most of the other “backstory-heavy” Flambeau episodes, because we’ve already gotten the Marianne-related exposition out of the way and can focus more on allowing her character, Flambeau’s and their relationship with each other to develop.

I’m also a bit smug in that I predicted (or at least hoped for) this exact character arc for Marianne within a few weeks of “The Daughter of Autocylus” airing and that my hopes came to fruition so beautifully.

It doesn’t particularly impact the ranking too much, but I do feel like this episode deserves a special shout out, because it has established a (hopefully-continuing!) pattern of Father Brown calling Flamby  almost exclusively by his first name, which is a major significant step in their bromance and deserves recognition as such. 

4. The Blue Cross (s01e10)--

As someone who was first exposed to Father Brown through reading the stories for a college course, I always find it especially interesting to look at the episodes that were adapted from Chesterton. 

This episode is neither the most faithful book-to-show adaptation (which is probably “The Three Tools of Death”) nor is it the best (imo “The Sign of the Broken Sword’) , but it is arguably the most significant. “The Blue Cross” was the first ever Fr. Brown story and is probably the most well-known. It’s also the first real look we get at the character of Flambeau, who (in the stories and arguably the show as well) is probably the closest thing we get to a clear character arc.

The show keeps some of the important elements of the short  story: Flambeau’s clergyman disguise, the switching of the packages. But it also has the challenging task of upping the relatively low stakes of the story, as well as introducing a major recurring character that resembles his book counterpart but remains distinct enough to justify the fairly different direction show canon is taking him. 

The show does this reasonably well--if not particularly imaginatively. I do enjoy some of the touches (I’ve written an entire meta before about Flamby’s reading material on the train and how it relates to his character)--particularly the show’s choice to have Flambeau fixated on religious art specifically (RIP for Flambeau’s Dairy Company though. It will always live in my heart).

Unfortunately in the adaptation, loses a few points for not really using the show-original characters particularly effectively. It loses still more for Flambeau’s characterization in this episode . He comes across as much more  serious and menacing in this episode than in all the others. It works okay when we consider this as a standalone episode but provides some glaring Early Installment Weirdness when we compare it to other episodes. 

3. The Penitent Man (s05e15)--

So as the rest of this list  will testify, I have strong preference for the “fun” Flambeau episodes over the more series ones. This is the exception that proves the rule--the  serious, cerebral, melancholy episode that simply “works” for me in the way that some of the others have not.

A lot of it is due to the more-intense-than-usual Flambeau character focus that goes into this. Sure, we’ve met his (presumably ex-by-now) wife, his daughter, and his first love by this point, but all of those episodes focused primarily on Flambeau as an extension of the relationships with others. (”The Judgement of Man”  in particular is far more Rebecca’s story than Hercule’s.)

Whereas this episode is very definitively focused on Flambeau himself and allows more nuanced exploration of two of the most defining facets of Flambeau’s character:  (1) his fascination with religion--and spiritual salvation in particular--  as  something he seems to resist and crave in near equal measure  (2) his almost masochistic streak of recklessness.

Even though Flambeau’s supposed “piety” is revealed to be all part of his heist plan, there are strong hints that his desire for redemption and atonement are at least somewhat genuine, even if he is not  ready to pursue them just yet. 

Off topic, but a few random things of note in this episode: this episode all-but-confirms bi!Flambeau, wet!Flambeau at the end is extremely relevant to my interests, Father Brown attempts to smuggle Flamby a lock pick from the beginning and has the audacity to say “ I only use it when I get locked out of the presbytery.”

Also, it has this iconic exchange:

Goodfellow: What is that awful smell?

Father Brown (covered in sewage): It’s me

2. The Honorable Thief (S07e10)-- So nearly all of the Flambeau-centered episodes from S3 on  have been a little preoccupied with filling in some of the gaps in Flambeau’s backstory, which is *fine*, but honestly, I feel like in doing so, they’ve really lost sight of why we fell in love with the character in the first place. 

 He’s vibrant and clever and funny and over-the-top. But most importantly, Flambeau is a lot of fun. Therefore, it follows that episodes that feature him should be a lot of fun too. 

And well... they are all fun in some way,  but they aren’t as fun as they really could be. John Light is insanely charismatic, but charisma can only go so far when the episode in question is a downer.

Fortunately, this episode is the furthest thing from a downer imaginable. It’s absolutely delightful from start to finish. The plot is serious enough to keep things engaging, but also light enough to keep us from getting too distracted by angst. 

I’m also incredibly biased in favor of this episode, because it finally gave me the Felicia/Flambeau ship tease I’d been passionately hoping for (if not really expecting to get after “The Judgement of Man” disappointed me). But it was so much and so good, and I wasn’t ready for it.

In a broader sense though, this episode really delivered with Flambeau/squad interaction in general--which was a key component that has been missing from most of the other episodes. And the Father Brown & Flambeau interactions were also has heartwarming and funny as they always are.

If I have one tiny little gripe with the episode, it’s that Daniel is not Sid. He has enough broad similarities with Sid that I can’t help but wonder if the episode was originally written with Sid and then hastily re-written when Alex Price couldn’t return. That being said, he was a likable enough guest character in his own right, and I wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

1.  The Mysteries of the Rosary (S02e05)-- Perfection. Not only is this THE definitive Flambeau episode, but is also one of the best episodes of the show overall. It has everything: the birth of bearded Flamby, bromantic road trips, a treasure hunt, great guest turns from Anton Lesser and Sylvestra Le Touzel.

I think part of the reason this episode resonates so strongly with me is that it’s really the first proper sense that we get of Show!Flambeau as a character. Sure we officially met him in “The Blue Cross,” but considering he didn’t show up until halfway through the episode and was in disguise for most of it, we didn’t really get much of a sense of who he is.

This episode changes all that and sets Flambeau up as the character we will know and love for the rest of the series--charming, urbane, funny, passionate, a carefree carpe diem exterior masking (or overcompensating for?) a sense of uncertainty and conflictedness.

Somewhat off topic, but as great an episode as this is for Flambeau’s character, it is nearly as wonderful for both Sid and Father Brown’s characters. We get to see Sid’s  ease with Father Brown, the casual camraderie that the two of them have--as well as Sid’s protectiveness (and jealousy) when Flambeau decides to gatecrash their bromantic road trip. 

Honestly, there are so many things that are great about this episode that I don’t think I could possibly list them--but one little detail that really struck my the last time I watched was that the first proper glimpse we see of Flambeau in this episode (we see him in shadow in a flashback before) involves him  saving Father Brown’s life.  Whereas the last proper glimpse we see of Flambeau is after Father Brown has saved Flambeau’s life.  Thematic reversals. Cinematic parallels. We love to see it. 

[astrologysvt]

Chart First Impressions - Vernon

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! Check out my masterlist to see all the readings I’ve done so far and what I’ve got coming up! 💫

This is just a very general reading of the member’s charts — the parts that popped out to me, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets and their signs. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!

two aquarians down, one more to go. 

so i do feel the need to explain why i’m not here arguing why i think vernon or even dk may be either a pisces/aquarius sun.

(tho tbh if either of them were to lean towards pisces, i think it’d be vernon). 

but really for me it just comes down to the fact they feel very clearly aquarian.

with woozi, his energies were a lot more vague/muddled and harder to organize where as it’s a lot simpler and cleaner a break with these two aqua/pisces cusps. 

generally, aqua and pisces influences feel very different to me. 

for me to consider them more pisces, i would be looking for them to appear much more yielding within a group and i don’t get that sense.

i’d also be looking for a certain degree of people-pleasing, or at least a strong courtesy towards how they contribute to the room’s energy. an aqua wouldn’t be as conscientious of this. they may be aware of it, but they wont let themselves be inhibited by it. where as a pisces would be hyper aware of this and very cautious. 

not only that, but i’m not looking charts that would be void of explanation on either sign/element’s influence if they leaned either way. 

woozi had no other scorpio in his chart if his sun wasn’t in scorpio.

where as with vernon, regardless of whether he’s an aqua or pisces sun, he’s still got a strong aqua and pisces influence in his chart to begin with so his reading wouldn’t be drastically different if he turned out to be a pisces sun. 

similar with dk, where as his cancer influence in tandem with his aqua and libra would make it so the rest of his reading wouldn’t be horribly compromised. 

if either one of them were to end up being a pisces sun, my reading of them would still be very similar just reorganized.

where as with jihoon, it was an entirely different story. 

so it’s a mixture of pisces and aquas being a lot easier to differentiate than sag/scorpio, and also their charts having both influences in their other personal planets that i’m not too stressed about figuring their suns out. 

but lets focus back on vernon. 

his sun and mercury is in aqua. 

i think vernon exemplifies exactly what i expect with an aquarius — like picture perfect artsy-brand aquarius. 

his style (for one) has been so clearly created by him without any regard with what everyone else is doing. 

and i think this is an important distinction to make with aquarians. 

a lot of people like to think that aquarians like to be contrary for the sake of being contrary, and tbh i do know enough aquarians to know that sometimes that IS the case (but i dunno i think they just like messing with me) 

but i do genuinely believe that when it comes to art and their work, the stuff that they do is genuinely so unique and out there because that’s just how their mind’s work. 

for example, if you’re looking at a painting you’re generally going to focus on the focal points of them. the subject, the name of the painting, the artist, maybe context if ur interested. you’re going to take the evidence given to you to try and form a linear narrative. you’re going to focus on what you think the painter wants you to notice. 

whereas an aquarius is naturally drawn elsewhere, maybe the background. maybe they’re noticing how it looks with the other paintings around it, or how the light is hitting it. maybe their placing the painting in a wild alternative universe and creating a story around it. 

they’re less concerned with building a narrative around what the painter is trying to show, and is more concerned with finding new, uncovered things about it. 

and that’s kinda a very vague glimpse into how aquarians build these crazy alternative worlds and perspectives they live in. 

aquarians are a very progressive sign, this is certainly because they have a strong set of principles that lean very humanitarian. 

but it’s also because they simply hate whatever may threaten one’s ability to exert autonomy over themselves, their expression, and how people perceive/treat them. 

whether it’s them personally, or generally, or symbolically. 

i don’t think it’s a direct correlation (like he thinks this way because he’s an aquarian) but when he was on happy together and they were talking about how his korean was very good and he was like “i mean, i AM korean.” 

this is a very aquarian thing to want to blur the lines, and encourage people around them too approach these potentially hard to understand concepts simply and a matter-of-factly. 

(tho i think in this specific instance he was really just combating the perception that he was more foreign to the MCs than he actually was).

anyway, back to aquas being lovable weirdos. 

i like to think that the many ways aquas like to present themselves isn’t just for show/for the sake of being different. 

sometimes it certainly takes a very physical/in your face form such as with fashion, but i like to think that they dress and act the way they do because they like being in the state of opposition and friction. 

by having this imagine of themselves reflected back to them in how drastically different the other side is, that is something that both gives them excitement as well as a sense of comfort through purpose and identity. 

they like sticking out because it’s a declaration of their character. 

not only that, but they love the ease of just doing what they want without having to think or feel the weight of “what is everyone else going to think?” 

that freedom is very important to them. 

how interesting is it tho that we’ve got two aqua suns with water moons?? 

vernon’s scorpio moon is gonna be VERY different from dk’s cancer moon. 

as social as an aqua can be in concept, they can really and honestly go either way. 

either they are the popular kid whose in every extracurricular and is student council president, or they’re the kid sitting in the corner who just doodles all day in class. 

you throw in a scorpio moon and it really makes him a pretty solitary guy. 

extreme lone wolf vibes. 

he likes being by himself, and it’s partially cuz the world is loud and his mind is entertaining in and of itself, and partially him being an incredibly independent and self-sufficient person. 

he’s got the least social chart in all of seventeen, and any anti-social behaviors he may have simply come from the fact that looking outwards to others is not in his immediate logic. 

it’s not in his muscle memory. 

if he gets excited about a project, he’s probably going to lock himself up in his room and burry himself in it, as opposed to getting others involved.

“i need to get something? great i can leave right now.”

he doesn’t think to ask others if they wanna go because they aren’t a part of his immediate checklist that’s integral to his day/wellbeing. 

his energies churn inwardly, and this is also why you find him just sitting around staring into space. 

not because he doesn’t want to talk to people or doesn’t care about people, but because he’s very comfortable living in his mind and simply doesn’t care to experiment too much with his immediate effect on the world around him. 

you take someone like jun who has so much energy bubbling in him, he can’t help but start doing things just to see what will happen and how people will react. 

vernon may have a similar curiosity, but it’s much more imaginative, abstract, and isolated. he can play out those scenarios in his mind. 

and this has many facets to it: his aqua influence makes him inventive and original in his thoughts where he as absolutely no shortage of daydream material. you throw in that pisces mars that is half daydreaming all the time, and that scorpio moon that makes him very intentionally reserved/independent and you’ve got vernon. 

so vernon’s scorpio moon is everything we’ve talked about before about water moons: empathetic, intuitive, sensitive. 

i think his scorpio moon is more interesting because of the darkness that a scorpio influence implies. 

there’s a alarming depth from where his emotions rise from, which is surprising considering how chill he seems outwardly. 

when it comes to his emotions, whatever it is, he wants them unabashed and unfiltered. no shame whatsoever. 

this is due to his scorpio influence’s desire for authenticity, but also his aqua influence’s deep dislike for the superficial. 

this would make him very discerning and generally pretty good at knowing when someone is trying to manipulate him, though his pisces mars may confuse him here and there. 

he’d really be great for any deep, wild, out-there, maybe even taboo conversations you may wanna have. 

pretty much anything would be on the table.

this is because his aqua influence would be prepared to entertain anything and everything, and is equally prepared take it seriously as you do.  

while his scorpio moon isn’t particularly afraid of whatever you may bring up, and is pretty attracted to the more out-there topics. 

it’d honestly just take a lot to really freak him out, and he’s really just open/excited to entertain any random idea you may have. 

even if he reacts viscerally or even negatively, he’s still very slow to write something off. 

his scorpio moon is sextile his cap venus

this softens his chart up a little bit, may mellow out his out-there qualities and give him a greater appreciation for more classy & romantic things. 

this makes him more fluid in his interactions with people than his forthright aqua and unyielding scorpio may connote. 

wonwoo has this same aspect, too, actually. 

this would make him much more dynamic and flexible in how he expresses/receives affection. 

would certainly also make him a lot more dedicated and stable in relationships than a aqua/pisces influence may imply where normally aqua wants independence and pisces may not be as present. 

then you also have his scoprio moon trine pisces mars.

this is the aspect that really turns this chart upside down on it’s head imo. 

aqua, scorpio, cap? they sound ready to fight at the drop of the hat. 

but you have water meeting water in this trine, and this very seamless exchange of energies between emotion and action really turns him into this amazing peace-keeper because of how level-headed it makes him.

i think i remember they were talking in svt club about how vernon never gets angry, and if he gets angry it’s probably because other people are fighting and he’s like. 

“i don’t get this. why?” 

this is because he really doesn’t understand how people can get so swept by emotion that they’d start arguing with each other. 

and he feels this way because, with a harmonious aspect between moon and mars, energy flows through him incredibly smoothy and easily. 

good, bad, sad, excited. all that fun stuff flows through him and doesn’t experience much of a road block, and so with that he’s not only very familiar with the passing of these emotions, but he’s able to process and regulate them pretty easily without trying. 

this would make him that excitable, expressive, reactive vernon we know and love because the emotions just flow through him. 

but this would also mean that, because of that, he understands how to ride the waves of his emotions so that they don’t end up sweeping him in their undercurrent. 

so when people do get into these heated arguments, he struggles to understand why they’d handle it in certain ways. 

with that being said, he does have his moon square mercury which means he isn’t the BEST at communicating his thoughts on this matter. 

he wants to so badly to put everything he feels into comprehensible words and concepts because of his aqua mercury. 

but that aqua mercury may make his viewing/expression too far reaching to understand, while his scorpio moon may make his emotions hard to grasp and translate in the first place. 

at the end of the day, his way of thinking is far too intuitive and abstract to put into words. 

so, lmao, don’t invite him to mediate ur next fight. he’ll probs just confuse you both. 

but if you need someone to chill with to cool you off and calm you down? he’s great because all that water turns him into this fantastic shock-absorber, and as i said before, his aqua/scorpio means that almost anything is on the table. 

the last thing i’ll talk about is his pisces mars! 

he’s a gentle, gentle boy. 

if it wasn’t obvious enough already, there really isn’t a single angry bone in his body (that’s an exaggeration, we’re all capable of anger). 

but he has such a gentle approach to life thanks to this pisces mars, and he goes about this with such sincerity and it’s so unfiltered and out there that you can’t help but appreciate how earnest he is, no matter how weird at the same time. 

this would also turn his aquarian interest in a much more creative direction.

i know he said he can’t draw, but he has such a strong knack for creative thinking with that unique aqua and his pisces mars giving him a very fluid means of expression and deep understanding of artistic nuance. 

everything he does, even if he’s not particularly good at, will have his signature stamp because he has such a great outlet for him to express his super strong, aquarian sense of self. 

(and that, in and of itself, is an artistic feat). 

super empathetic, a lot more emotional than he lets on. 

but again, due to his moon’s harmonious aspects, even with all that deadpan and logical aqua, emotions are never ultra-abrasive to him so it’s genuinely really hard to catch an extreme emotion out of him unless he’s in a negative place generally.

he just gets emotions, and if he doesn’t understand them immediately he knows how to sit with them and live in them. 

a very healing person to be around. 

[uncloseted]

This is a little controversial but I think sexual attraction and romantic attraction can't be separated. I don't think you can be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to them. I DO think you can be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically attracted to them, in love with them, though. Which leads me to the idea that asexuality is a false thing that may come from self esteem issues rather than a real absence of sexual attraction. +

(sexual attraction anon) This is an opinion I hold privately, and I wouldn't impose it on someone who identifies as asexual. But I'm admitting it here because I think it's worth thinking about for people who consider themselves asexual. It might be an issue of not wanting to see yourself sexually, or not being comfortable with the concept of sex due to the inherent disgust it can bring. That's psychological issues to me and should be explored instead of taken as an intrinsic part of identity.            

I disagree.  Human sexuality is weird and comes in so many different configurations that it makes sense to me that some people are just sort of born without a sex drive the way that some people are born gay or trans.  If you can be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically interested in them, it makes sense to me that the opposite can happen, as well.

But the amount of teenagers on the internet who have claimed asexuality as part of their identity does concern me.  There are so many reasons why a person’s sex drive is low or nonexistent, and some of those reasons are actually quite serious in a larger context.  There are basically a few categories that I think need to be considered when talking about nonexistent sex drive: hormones, medical, psychological hangups, confused about gender, confused about sexuality.  For teenagers, I would also include a category that’s, “hasn’t reached sexual maturity yet”.

Digging into those categories, let’s start with hormones.  If you have a hormonal imbalance (low testosterone or estrogen), your sex drive can disappear (or, if you’re young enough, never develop).  Low hormone levels impact other aspects of a person’s life besides just sex drive- they’re also important for regulating bone and muscle growth, managing inflammatory responses, and regulating cholesterol levels, among other things.  Being on a hormonal birth control pill can also impact your hormone levels, and some recent studies have suggested that hormonal birth control can lessen sex drive.

Going along with that, reduced or nonexistent sex drive can be a symptom of non-hormonal medical issues as well. Arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease and neurological diseases can all cause sex drive to disappear.  Mental illnesses, like depression and anxiety, can also cause a person’s sex drive to disappear.  Certain medications, like SSRIs (but also blood pressure medications, corticosteroids, opioid pain relievers) can also impact sex drive.  My point here is that before a person decides that asexuality is just a part of their sexual identity, they should make sure there aren’t other compounding factors on the medical side of things, because it could turn out to be a symptom of something more serious,

Then moving on to psychological hangups, I think there are a ton of different reasons why someone might be psychologically uncomfortable with sex.  This could be anything from past traumatic experiences regarding sex, anxiety about their partner’s expectations of them, anxiety about how their body looks, anxiety about how they’ll be viewed in society... I was talking yesterday about “accelerators” and “brakes” in female sexuality, and I think sometimes people confuse their brain hitting the brakes due to psychological distress with not being interested in sex at all.  I also think that sometimes people have underwhelming sexual experiences and assume the problem is that they’re just not interested in sex, when in actuality it was just bad sex.  All that might sound like a cop-out but it’s not.  Young people, especially young girls, are under a ton of pressure when it comes to their sexuality, and I understand the impulse to bow out entirely so as not to have to navigate it.  The trauma that comes from being shamed about your sexuality is real.  But I think it’s important to engage with those feelings and unpack them instead of ignoring them, particularly if the aversion to sexuality does come from a past sexual trauma.

Then there’s confused about gender or confused about sexuality.  Basically this is just what it sounds like; sometimes it takes a while for people to realize that they’re actually trans or gay, and in the interim they identify as asexual.  Sometimes this is because it’s psychologically easier to be asexual than it is to navigate what it means to be an LGBT+ person in society, and sometimes it’s because they just haven’t found themselves yet, but I think that’s important to consider as well.

And then there’s “hasn’t reached sexual maturity yet”. I got a bit skewered over this last time, I think, but I do stand by it.  A lack of sexual drive or attraction to people when you’re a teenager is not unusual and doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is asexual. Sexual attraction, sexual drive, and figuring out what you like in bed is something that a lot of people don’t really learn about themselvesuntil they’re in their late teens or early twenties.  Some people don’t even go through puberty until their late teens.  And women in particular just sometimes develop sexual feelings a little bit later than men, especially in countries where female sexuality isn’t talked about a lot/demonized/otherwise associated with shame (see above).

 I also think a lot of young people also have some misconceptions about what counts as “having sexual attraction” and what doesn’t- I think some people are under the impression that people who have sex drives want to have sex all day, every day, because of the way it’s portrayed in media, but that’s not true.  It’s super normal to not want to have sex all the time, and that doesn’t (necessarily) make a person asexual or demisexual. It just means they have a normally functioning sex drive. A lot of people also need to feel comfortable with a person before sexual feelings develop, and that’s normal, too- I think there’s a misconception that if you’re a sexual person, you feel sexually attracted to everyone who’s “hot”, and while that’s the case for some people, it’s not the case for everyone.  So I think sometimes it’s not actually a lack of sex drive, so much as the conditions aren’t right for the person to feel and recognise that they’re feeling sexual attraction, if that makes sense (again, accelerator/brake). 

I think ultimately this boils down to a fundamental question- does your lack of sex drive cause you pain, psychological distress, or interfere with your life?  If the answer is yes, then I don’t think it can be considered part of identity.  If the answer is no, then I think it can absolutely be a facet of a person’s identity.  But I worry that not enough people are examining/working on their relationship with their sexuality before deciding that they just don’t have one.  That said, I also think that people are just trying to figure themselves out, and it’s okay if they identify as asexual and then realize down the line that they’re actually something else.  Identity is a process of discovery, and sometimes it takes a while to figure out who we actually are.

TL;DR: asexuality is definitely a thing and can absolutely be a facet of a person’s identity.  That said, I think it’s important to explore and question your relationship with your body and sexuality to see if there are other factors that might be at play, especially factors that have larger ramifications than just a person’s sex life.  Sometimes it’s a sexual orientation, and sometimes it’s a sexual dysfunction, but I think it’s important to know which is which.

[davetheshady]

may I politely request ⭐dealer's choice director's commentary⭐for pretty much any part of Love is All You Need to Destroy Your Enemies?

Did you mean: infodump about Chapter 5?

We start off in medias res during Pteranodon Attack-Gate from Episode 4: PTA Meeting. Since most of the fic runs parallel to WTNV’s storyline for the first ~two years, the way I narrowed down which events to feature was to read through the transcripts and take note of which ones had Carlos, which ones featured science/magic/time travel-related elements, which ones had weird discrepancies or unsolved details that could be explained by Carlos/science/magic/time travel/all of the above, and which ones I just liked a lot. 

Incidentally, Cecil issues a correction that the winged reptiles in question were actually pterodactyls, not pteranodons, which was then promptly forgotten by the showrunners lol.

"—And then Kelly pulled her hamstring while they were doing the Fixing of a Nail position. I'm trying to convince her that she and Joe should do yoga together, I think it would really cut back on minor injuries and also they both look great in yoga pants. Anything new with you, Carlos?"

"Nothing that compares to... hamstring injuries," says Carlos, from his position on top of the Sciencemobile.

"All right," says Kate, adjusting an enormous pair of mirrored aviator shades. "Then describe the Barstow formation."

Since literal character doubling was such an important part of the plot, I had a lot of fun with thematic character doubling, too. Carlos and Kate (and the other grad students) are actually pretty close in age, and here we see her willing to put herself into danger to get the job done while casually chatting with her colleagues. Also, there’s a nice dose of karma for the books in Carlos having to deal with someone else oversharing details about their relationships, compounded by the fact that unlike his all of Kate’s are actually true. (In nicer doubling news: Kate is the one who gets her degree in science, has functional romantic relationships, AND continues to work in Night Vale, which are all eventually Carlos’ hashtag life goals.) 

"Maybe it was future you," asks Julie, who does not sound appropriately concerned for the potentially diverted course of the Currents of Time. Or for the potentially diverted course of the already unlinear life of Carlos.

This is the first conversation where she’s ‘Julie’ in his mental narration. I enjoyed having her be hilariously unsympathetic to his concerns here, because her priorities are still very different, but it also sets up a baseline. She doesn’t bother worrying about hypotheticals from the weird shit, but actual hard data (like, Carlos not sleeping and having minor breakdowns in her lab) is what prompts her to share reactions besides SCIENCE! and snark.

His stomach roils at the thought of more time travel. "Some kind of illusion is more likely," he says: some person or creature temporarily assuming his form, probably for sinister purposes. He reluctantly adds those weird doubles from the sandstorm to his list of possible suspects, though his dissolved right in front of him in the middle of next March and there haven't been any sandstorms recently.

oh hey haha what’s that

One of my biggest pet peeves in fiction is when allegedly intelligent characters ignore obvious plot points so the writer can railroad the story in their chosen direction. On the other hand, it is genuinely difficult to avoid spoiling your plot twists if your main character is actively trying to figure them out. I leaned heavily on “the character has all the basic details… along with so much other information they can’t realistically narrow it down”, combined with some red herrings: an obvious one (illusion magic) and hopefully a more convincing one (time travel as the only relevant plot: it's DEFINITELY involved, but its presence is obscuring another facet of the plot altogether).

There's always a risk that astute readers will figure it out, but, like… so? That just means instead of shocking plot twist reveal, they get an “I KNEW IT!” reveal, which is equally satisfying in a different way. As long as the characters have convincing reasons for not figuring it out, it's hopefully still enjoyable to follow along with them as they wander around in the dark. 

(And just for clarification: that was Doppel-Carlos crashing the town hall meeting when he and Dr. Raith were testing out time vortices.) 

Andre hands him a copy of the Night Vale Daily Journal. “’Look your best to face the void. Smooth-chinned souls are most enjoyed’,” reads Carlos. “‘Burma-Shave.’”

"No, below the ads," says Andre.

1) ‘character reads wrong piece of information in paper’ is a classic goof (“There’s a sale at Penney’s!”) and I found it very amusing to repeatedly attribute it to Carlos, since he’s genuinely trying to locate the important information. Unfortunately for him, he lives in Night Vale and no longer has a filter for “useless nonsense”, because even the nonsense has proven relevant and/or kinda murdery before.

2) Burma-Shave! This was passed down to me as part of our Great American Roadtrip Family Lore (I come from a long line of roadtrippers) and it’s definitely the kind of kitschy 50s detail that fits so well in Night Vale.

"Oh!" says Cecil. "What were you studying?"

"Bioremediation for contaminated pit lakes via sulfur-reducing bacteria," says Carlos truthfully.

Why? Because I edited one of my friends’ papers on it, that’s why. (Birds kept landing on it and dying, which is also a very Night Vale detail.)

When he returns, he finds Cecil standing by the record player with his back against the wall, staring fixedly at Carlos’ vinyl copy of Ixnay on the Hombre.

One of the DF books (I think White Night) had a hilariously high number of characters showing up wearing band t-shirts, and Carlos’ was for The Offspring. (The original file name for this fic was Original Prankster, back when I thought it would be three chapters long.)

“It’s about a wizard stranded in a strange, uncharted desert territory,” [Cactus Judy] says serenely.

Cactus Jane! I decided to make her a recurring character because 1) she’s in a time travel episode (Episode 18: The Traveler), 2) both she and TMITJ had the detail where no one can remember their real name, which seemed significant, and 3) WTNV itself did not have very many recurring female characters at that point. She’s into Shakespeare because I personally knew a lot of relevant Shakespeare quotes, but also as a hint that’s she’s a lot older (and thus a lot more supernatural) than she seems: Shakespeare was a HUGE part of pop culture in the 19th century, particularly in the southwest. Theater companies used to make more money going on tour through states with precious metal mines than they did during their whole season in the big coastal cities, probably because jaded city folks never threw gold nuggets on stage to show their appreciation.

If life is a contest between good and evil, Cecil would be one of the people handing out stickers just for participating.

This is one of my favorite lines.

My plan is fool-proof! It's sheer elegance in its simplicity!

Look, if you enjoyed this fic, WTNV, and/or The Dresden Files, you should probably go watch The Middleman. Yes, I know it’s not streaming, do it anyway. Load up on antivenom and go rent it from your local library.

“Could you [create a time vortex]?""Oh, for sure," says Carlos. "All I'd need would be a couple years to do nothing but work on a highly illegal spell and figure out a way to steal an entire ley-line's worth of power and excise my sense of morality and self-preservation.”

And WHAT are the odds of THAT

It's not that Carlos doesn't like him. It just wouldn't be fair to lead him on when Carlos wouldn't actually—

Well, Carlos wouldn’t mind asking but he doesn’t normally go for—

Okay, Carlos could definitely make an exception for Cecil and—

And—

oh NO he accidentally used logic to make himself admit he has FEELINGS

One of the reasons I love this pairing is that you have Cecil, who is incredibly emotionally open (all the time, on public radio) as a distinct contrast to Carlos, who is so used to putting up a very specific facade that he even does it to himself and then struggles when he doesn't have it to rely on. It creates conflict, but it also means they have very different perspective they can share with each other. 

"Did the earth move for you, too?" says Cecil.

"Bwuh?" replies Carlos.

"At the monitoring station," says Cecil, because right, they're talking about science and not about how Carlos may or may not have accidentally developed a tiny, tiny crush on Cecil, who is standing right in front of him and looking extremely interested in what he's saying and will commit his words to memory and lovingly repeat them for all the world, or at least all of Night Vale and anyone else who received the same odd death curse as Carlos, to hear.

"Oh. Hmm – unh," replies Carlos, then shakes his head. Not talking, that's the way to go. That way he won't accidentally say something he doesn't mean, or worse, something he does mean but probably shouldn't say. Cecil can ask him science questions and he can shake his head yes or no, and maybe refer him wordlessly to supplementary materials, and it will all be very professional and—

"Where did you get your shirt?" asks Cecil. "It fits you so well."

"I'll look at my notes and computer models and see if I can figure out what's going on," Carlos blurts out, and practically runs from the room.

One of the reasons I started writing this fic (SEPTEMBER 2013, BABY god I feel old) was because we all knew Carlos was immensely important to Cecil, but had relatively little information about him, and ALL of it was filtered through our unreliable narrator. So… I just kind of ran with that. 

But on top of the obvious unreliability of “didn't notice Carlos was a wizard from a different series”, I wanted to do it on the smaller scale, too, and put a different spin on the touchstones of their growing relationship that everyone was already familiar with. So this interaction is now a crisis for both of them, and for dramatically/hilariously different reasons. 

“If you’re worried about going native, I’ve got bad news for you, buddy, because you do more chanting than anyone I’ve met.”

Another one of my favorite lines.

“I’ve had to hunt down people I know before, and trust me, it’s not a fun date night!”

Between Molly and fanon interpretations of Cecil, Carlos’ type is apparently 1) weird tattoos, 2) unusually-colored hair, and 3) can kill him

There's a brief hiss from the TV's speakers, and then Cecil says, in a small, forlorn voice, “I don't know if he listens to me, sometimes.”

Carlos puts his head down and laughs bitterly.

I LOVE IRONY 

But even though I wanted to subvert the surface meaning, Cecil DOES still have a point. He got a good look at Carlos’ soul when they first met and still fell in love instantly, but Carlos has a difficult time hearing that because at this point he fundamentally does not believe he’s worthy of that kind of love. In order to truly believe Cecil, he also has to start learning to love and accept himself. (It’s very much a work in progress, but nobody’s perfect.) The title isn’t just meant to refer to romantic love – self-love, friendship, familial love, and unconditional love for the humanity of his trash fire town are equally important, because they all support each other.

hmu for more dvd commentary!

[petaltrail]

*  romance headcanons.

name:   Ruby Rose nickname:   Rubes, Rose, etc. gender:   female   /   she/her romantic orientation:   biromantic

preferred pet names:   Honestly, as long as it’s coming from the right person, almost anything would either make her giggle or make her melt. Or both !  relationship status:   taken. favorite canon/fandom ship:   mmmmm this is a toughy actually --- ladybug is probably my favorite ?? followed close behind by nuts and dolts. lancaster’s up there too, but only if there were some more canon development.  opinion on true love:   hmmm... she definitely believes in it, but not in a ‘there’s only one person for you’ kind of way. more of a ‘sometimes these two people are just sincerely meant to be together’ kind of way.  opinion on love at first sight:   if it can happen in fairytales, why not real life ?  it hasn’t happened to her, but she’s certainly developed instant crushes based on sight, so... why not ? how ‘romantic’ are they?:    very. ruby’s always been very attracted to the concept of romance --- be it the chivalric sort or the more contemporary definition, ie love. ruby doesn’t hold back her affection with her friends, and it’s the same in romantic relationships; she’ll kiss often, hold hands often, do little things for them just because she remembers an offhanded comment from like three months ago --- essentially, if she thinks it’ll make her s.o. feel loved and appreciated, she’ll do it.  ideal physical traits:   ruby doesn’t really have a set ‘type,’ but she does like physical features that stand out --- a contrast of dark hair and light eyes or vice versa, for example. she also has a preference for huntsmen types since they’d share that lifestyle --- so naturally, people that’re more physically capable catch her eye. not necessarily... super muscly, bulgy types --- just well-toned people, or scarred people, or rugged people. each facet reminds her of people she’s already close to ( ie blake, qrow, ragna, etc ), so she’s more likely to be drawn to them. ideal personality traits:   honestly, she’s pretty accepting of most people... but above all, she wants someone who’s kind and compassionate. they don’t have to be happy all the time, they don’t have to be smooth or smart or brooding --- they just have to be willing to help and care for others, particularly those that can’t help themselves. ... she also has a huge soft spot for those that make her laugh, though. unattractive physical traits:  i would say those that look much, much older than her. she really doesn’t care all that much about physicality, age aside. unattractive personality traits:   bullying, arrogance, those that berate others or raise their voice in an aggressive manner frequently --- the latter she can handle, but it just... really puts her on edge. smugness, a sense of entitlement --- especially if that entitlement leads them to look down on others. and, naturally, those that hold some sense of superiority over her/others and treat people like children. ideal date:   honestly ?  not to be cliche on main, but ruby’s the type to find enjoyment in almost anything as long as it’s not a straight-up lecture. if we’re talking Top Tier Dream it would be something ridiculous, like going out on a huntsmen job together and saving a bunch of people then coming back and playing with animals for a good hour or two, but that’s a scenario literally plucked from a dream. she would be just as ecstatic to curl up with a movie, or spend some time on the boardwalk ( except when a certain friend sets her up ), or eat a bunch of sweet stuff until she almost pops. time spent with her s.o. is a great time for her.  do they have a type?:   she naturally gravitates towards huntsmen or types reminiscent of huntsmen --- those willing to protect the defenseless. that alone gives them so many things and experiences in common, and also means they’d be more willing to understand what her life will be like for the forseeable future. aside from that, ‘types’ are almost entirely dependent on the person as a whole.  average relationship length:   she’s never been in one before, but it’s safe to assume that if ruby enters a relationship, she’s in it for the long haul.  preferred non-sexual intimacy:  she’s inexperienced, so that can make her feel a little clumsy and unsure at times... but she still vastly prefers non-sexual intimacy in general. if kissing counts ( to me it totally counts ), kissing is probably one of her favorites --- be it on the cheek, the mouth, the back of the hand, wherever !  she finds it exciting. that aside, she’s totally guilty of using her partner as a jungle gym so long as they allow it; clinging, climbing, dangling by an arm or their shoulders, cuddling --- or curling into a ball against them after a long day. ruby responds to contact in any type of relationship, platonic or otherwise--- it’s one of her preferred methods of showing her affection, because it can say so much more than words. so she’s very, very touchy-feely.  commitment level:   completely committed. if she’s in a relationship, she’s in it --- totally locked in. opinion of public affection:   oh, she’s totally for it. hand-holding, aforementioned jungle gym tendencies, kissing ( to a point ) --- she has no problem doing it in public, and she doesn’t really care that much when it comes to seeing it in public. ruby has a natural aversion to having a lot of attention on her, one she’s worked hard to overcome since she started at beacon... but particularly when it comes to a romantic partner, she might as well be in a bubble. 

past relationships?:  she’s... never been in one !  this is her first, please be gentle.

tagged by:  i am not a crook tagging:  do it !

[vitavitale]

headcanon VI  —  mother

V's mother was named Amanda Uccello, an American woman with obvious Italian roots. She was an average-sized woman on the slim side with relatively average facial features. Her amber eyes were notable, however. Her hair was always kept short, straight, about two inches above shoulder length, in a caramel brown color. She was industrious, reasonably ambitious, mild in nature and of good character on the whole. Her moral code was clear, she was responsible, she was not cowardly nor someone to push around. But, again, she was mild-mannered and so preferred peace over excitement. More introverted than extroverted, she also preferred her own company. She respected nature, was inviting to wildlife, and had always possessed a deep interest in the spiritual plane, in psychic forces and the supernatural. She was open to these forces so long as they were benevolent; she was reluctant to call upon that which was demonic and she hadn't for the most part. The magic she practiced was protective, only for good, but it was not something she'd done too regularly. Still, she kept a grimoire of sorts of her own.

However, she was more than human, even if partially. For generations her lineage consisted of human-demon hybrids, but as the generations passed the demonic blood inherited was diluted. Needless to say, at an early point her ancestors stopped breeding with demons. Amanda had gone far down the line, and her demonic blood was weak, almost ineffective—or she hadn't nourished it, simply finding no need at all for it and only living a plain human life. However, she had dabbled in occult practices in her teens and carried that through to adulthood, becoming a witch in her twenties as she finished school and traveled abroad. Her craft was relatively harmless, mostly used for protections and good fortune (though she'd rarely go a little further, touching facets of the dark arts when she saw the need). It was through such dark practice that she bound a demonic familiar to her when she'd left for England at the age of twenty-five, some years after finishing her schooling; it was a genial beast unlike its diabolical kin and it bonded with her without trouble. It looked very much like a sable, only a deep, jet black and with a certain wispy quality to its body.

Tragically, it was killed when she became acquainted with a coven of witches established in/around the neighborhood she'd moved to. It was unknown to her that they'd been responsible for her familiar's murder; they appeared benevolent but were driven by darker motives that Amanda could not see for many months yet. She had joined them for a short time, but soon came to sense a foreboding from their association. Fortunately, she'd distanced herself from them and ultimately broke off altogether at the age of twenty-six, but they—in particular, their head—kept discreet tabs on her since. It was her theory that they killed her cherished companion; she never confronted them about it. While Amanda kept to her craft privately, she kept to herself on the whole.

Life in England proved a challenge. She found it difficult to earn a living even in spite of her college-level education. She could not find a job in her field and so resorted to short-term work, whatever job she could pick up. The flat she'd first moved into soon became too expensive to keep, so she was forced to move into cheaper accommodations. The rent was barely affordable but other expenses she could not cover on her own. Her time was increasingly consumed by added work she had to take up, and she'd begun to rely on family overseas to wire her money. Life in the U.S. would not have been much easier, and returning would require the added cost of travel arrangements that she hadn't the hope to cover, so she was more or less stuck in Europe—and she hadn't wanted to leave it, either. Stubbornly, Amanda decided to fight it out. It was her desire to find her life's work there, but she was met with disenchantment. She'd first moved to England at the age of twenty-five with her family's blessing, having proven herself independent and capable, but circumstances strongly turned that on its head.

When she was twenty-seven, she'd taken up a waitress job at a pub, and it was during one of her nightly shifts that she served a customer who would become the father of a child she'd never dreamed of having. She noticed a charisma about him that attracted her on the outset of their relationship; they appeared to hit it off instantly. They chatted a little, but when her shift was through he'd waited for her so they could talk longer. As it turned out, they spent the night in one another's company, and for what felt like the first in a long time, Amanda was happy. She enjoyed his company, she liked him genuinely, and thus she continued to meet with him after work. In little time they entered a mutually romantic relationship, but it was during this short-lived period (a handful of months) that she'd opened her eyes to the kind of man he really was. Early, she told him of her affinity for the occult and the witchcraft she'd practice with, but it was something he was quick to spurn and urged her to abandon. He was difficult to contend with on a daily, domestic basis; though they never lived together, Amanda could see things in him that did not wholly sit well with her. Infatuation prevailed for a time, however, and she stubbornly believed she could make things work between them. She did not count on becoming pregnant any time soon, unfortunately, and the first time they slept together they were both careless. It was a week and a bit after they'd met. But this proved to be the turning point: it made her consider seriously their relationship, and for some weeks she did not tell him she had conceived.

While he had never been aggressive or manipulative, he was a wild and fickle man. A free spirit, a rebel, a drifter, indulging in the night life. His affection for her might have been genuine (going so far as to call her Mandy), but he was not quite the kind to dote nor devote himself, and least of all to settle down for the sake of family. But news of Amanda's pregnancy did not turn him away; in fact, he'd remained her significant other until he was sent away. She let him know it could not work—she knew his influence on her child would do more harm than good, though she had not voiced that distinctly—and thus broke it off. They separated on civil terms, never again seeing or hearing from one another. Bravely, she chose to raise her child on her own. Because of it, she'd moved down another notch in life in order to provide for someone who sorely depended upon her. She harbored no ill will toward the manner of conception nor toward the man who'd fathered her boy. She named him Vitale and loved him more than she'd ever loved anyone.

The development had not escaped the attention of the coven she'd left behind; they became aware of her child, the only boy born to a witch of their acquaintance when every other mother bore daughters, and did not see it as a joyous occasion. Luckily, they did not interfere, so Vitale had not known them personally. As he grew, it became evident that the demonic genes in his blood endured; he bore white hair and this, his mother knew, was too different, too strange for people (and the demons she also knew to exist in the world) to leave alone. She did not send him to school but educated him at home herself. Amanda had the sense that her former ties to the coven had not been cut cleanly; she wanted her son safe and so protected him by keeping him indoors almost perpetually. She taught him never to share his name with people he felt he could not trust. She'd become an overprotective parent in guarding him this way, even supervising him at all times when she would take him outdoors. Vitale grew up an innocent, sheltered child, not really understanding the dangers his mother took pains to protect him from, but she taught him little by little, always mindful of how he'd take certain information. What she did teach him with enthusiasm, however, was magic craft and opened his eyes to the world of the occult. Particularly, she wanted him to acquire a familiar of his own.

As he was still so young, he'd not shown indications of his sensitivity to the supernatural or the clairvoyance he'd been born with—these things had not been tapped into yet, but they were doubtlessly a part of his being and would later awaken when he would first touch demonic forces.

Their station in life was a meager one, requiring Amanda to hold down two jobs while having to do all of the house work and raise her son. She still received money from family abroad, and it was good enough to keep them fed. However, because nutrition was lacking, Vitale had developed an iron and vitamin deficiency at a startlingly young age. He became anemic before he hit his teens, and it was something more for his mother to care for. It required a specific diet, but one that went on and off; it could not always be afforded. In addition to being anemic, Vitale was underweight, but he was not a sickly child and, thankfully, went about his days as most children do. Apart from the nutrition that Amanda could not completely provide, her presence was also scarce. She could not spend nearly as much time with her son as she should have. Between work and household responsibilities, the time she spent to nurture their bond was limited, but in spite of that they were very close and Vitale was unquestioningly attached to her. He understood the reasons her company was scarce, but that did not mean he liked it any better. He tried to be a good boy for her, to not put any additional pressures on her, and he'd sorely wished he could have been of help, less of a burden, but he was still only a little boy, and his mother had always put on a brave front, assured him that she was doing fine.

Time passed with little change to come but Vitale's adolescence. Sixteen years in England and Amanda only had a son to show for it; it would be a lie to say that she did not long for a better life, to perhaps even return to the United States and find a fresh start. The pressures of survival wore her down, the endless obligations she had to shoulder almost too much to bear anymore. The life she'd been given was not the one she sought when she moved to the UK, and there were times she regretted taking that initial step—but she never regretted becoming a parent, feeling that her son was the only thing to give her any joy, and she was grateful that he was there. He was her only company as she was his; she hadn't a social life to speak of, neither did he; they were one another's worlds, and it appeared to her that life would simply consist of nothing more—at least until Vitale would mature enough to help pick up the slack. It would be another lie to say that she had not hoped nor waited for that age to come. Life was hard enough for them both, but they'd better their chances of survival if they were to depend upon each other in equal measure.

Amanda had been teaching Vitale about conjuring rites and rites of bondage, and while he showed he understood, he hadn't had hands-on practice. He decided he wanted to impress his mother by taking a familiar without her supervision, on an evening she'd gone to work. He was fourteen then (Amanda forty-one), and never had he dared to cross such a line, but his intentions were pure and his confidence apparent. His mother knew nothing about it until she'd returned home later that night, but all she'd seen was a demon in a frenzy in their tiny living room, threatening the life of her child. She could not process the cause in spite of the evidence in front of her; she thought only to protect her son, but it was during an attempt to call to him that the creature lunged for her, and effectively it had killed her in the blink of an eye. Her body was left bloody in a heap in the middle of the room, eyes pried wide open with her throat ripped through—mangled. Her murderer fled the flat through the door she'd left open, and Vitale would follow suit in haste. Their home had become a crime scene and from it he fled in fear, grief, and panic.

It didn't take long for authorities to step in. They could never find the killer—assuming it was another human, or a wild animal; they could not locate her only child, either. In the meantime, her family from the U.S. was notified of the tragedy and those able had flown to England to arrange her cremation and subsequent burial. Rather than return with her remains to the U.S., they decided to have them interred at Alberton Graveyard in Red Grave City, where she'd made her life and left a son. It was for posterity that she was buried there, even if her only child was nowhere to be found. But, sooner or later, he would stumble across her grave and discover that she'd been appropriately laid to rest—that was the belief of her family, and in years to follow it would come to pass.

[zero-winters]

The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable. 

But we will do our best to understand regardless. 

Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol. 

<3 

Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols. 

Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT. 

Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE. 

RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative. 

On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards. 

There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes. 

The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time. 

Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold. 

When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans. 

This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along. 

When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry. 

For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right. 

Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail. 

The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation. 

The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding. 

This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes. 

TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization. 

This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.

When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry. 

Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity. 

The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa. 

In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.

This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance. 

An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on. 

Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though. 

This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose. 

Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful. 

It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor. 

But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them. 

God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist. 

Now see, what's going on here is... 

It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh... 

Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway. 

Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts. 

He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would. 

But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage. 

But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY. 

In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were... 

MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

[beccaland]

What are your opinions on the RTD era's companions' relationship with the Doctor? 'Cos personally, they bother me a little sometimes, and I was curious what your opinion was.

Yeah, they bother me a little too. I’m actually going to share some thoughts about the characters themselves, as well as their respective relationships to the Doctor. Partly, I want to do that because not to do so would be an injustice to the characters. So, here goes.

Rose (and Mickey a bit, because you can’t really separate an analysis of their characters and he’s a companion too):

Rose is a charismatic character, and I think just right for relaunching the series. She’s young and displays many of the flaws of young people, yet in other ways is more mature than other adults, including her own mum–indeed Rose is often seen taking on a role of parenting her parent. While Jackie seems content to live off the dole, Rose has a job. It’s not a particularly good job, but she seems to be given a fair bit of trust and responsibility, probably above what her official position warrants, which suggests that she’s earned the admiration and reliance of her boss–and given her home life, that’s not surprising. Rose is clearly used to having to be more responsible than her peers. She’s vibrant, curious, compassionate, and brave.

She also takes advantage of Mickey’s affection for her, perhaps without realizing it (at least at first). She’s pretty judgy generally, and she’s not above using the Doctor as well. This suggests that despite (perhaps in part because of) being brought up by an emotionally immature parent and having to take on a lot of responsibility before she was really old enough to bear it, Rose is quite selfish.

Now, as to her relationship to the Doctor, meeting him does two things for her: it gives her an apparently easy escape from a life she feels trapped in, and it gives her the opportunity to develop a relationship with someone unlike anyone she’s ever known, who seems to see potential in her far beyond what any other person in her life has ever shown (especially Jackie and Mickey), and who is both willing and able to protect her and to care about what she feels and wants. Am I saying the Doctor started out as more of a parent-substitute than a boyfriend? Yes I am. Is that kind of creepy? I think so. But not necessarily more creepy than him being her boyfriend, given the age gap.

OK, so Rose gives Mickey a kiss and obliquely tells him “thanks for nothing” before swanning off with the Doctor. By the time she comes back, a year has passed for everyone she knows but just one day for her. This causes ENORMOUS problems for Jackie and Mickey in particular, and she does seem genuinely sorry (well, sorry to Jackie–she seems mostly annoyed with Mickey’s anger AT BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDERING HER. BECAUSE SHE RAN OFF WITH AN ALIEN). This gets swiftly brushed aside by alien shenanigans, and Rose swans off again–leaving Mickey apparently in some doubt as to their relationship status. The nature of her relationship to the Doctor is also left ambiguous at this point, but she’s clearly not thinking of him as “substitute for parental acknowledgement and affection” anymore. She flirts like crazy with Jack who flirts like crazy with both her and the Doctor and both she and the Doctor seem vaguely jealous of the other’s attention to Jack. Back to Mickey meeting them in Wales, who apparently STILL DOESN’T KNOW that Rose has basically dumped him, and does she make that clear? No, but the Doctor is acting more and more like a jealous boyfriend (and really doesn’t stop treating Mickey like garbage until the poor guy saves them and stays behind in Pete’s World, thus earning his respect, I guess, and also removing the threat), and none of this is Mickey’s fault. He’s astute enough to see, at least, that the Doctor and Rose’s relationship is destructive to others.

After the Doctor regenerates, they’re 100% in couple mode, with Rose referring to the events of S1E2 as their “first date” and the Doctor happily assenting to this characterization (has Rose actually broken up with Mickey yet? Honestly can’t remember, but I don’t think Mickey knew it if she had). The Doctor and Rose have a deeply codependent relationship. We might attribute this to her dysfunctional relationship with Jackie and the Doctor’s recent PTSD. They latch onto each other like needy puppies, and this isn’t a criticism, because there are really people who fit these profiles, and they are not bad people, and it does make for interesting characters and good storytelling, but it’s by no means a healthy depiction of a relationship.

Consider, for instance, that the Doctor tries to send her away (no doubt he felt he was making a noble sacrifice, but he did this against her clear and repeatedly expressed wishes, and with the complicity of Pete). Rose ignores the Doctor’s clearly expressed wishes and comes back, which, fair enough I guess, but it all ends in tragedy anyway. So what does he do? HE BURNS UP AN ENTIRE SUN just so he can say goodbye. I mean, I’m sure he verified it was not an inhabited solar system, but seriously. In that goodbye chat, he specifically tells her that they cannot get across the barrier between universes because “the whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse.”

Does Rose accept the judgment of the person who is unquestionably the foremost person in either universe able to evaluate the risk of such an attempt? No she doesn’t. We learn in series 4 that even before the stars started going out, she was having Torchwood build a DIMENSION CANNON to P U N C H. A. H O L E. IN THE UNIVERSES!!! like presumably as many as it took for her to find the right one. Just so she could get back to him. AFTER HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT IS NOT WHAT HE WANTED. BECAUSE IT WOULD DESTROY THEM. This is portrayed as romantic rather than horrific. Seriously. And then he dumps his problematic clone on her and goes back to his own universe. SO ROMANTIC. Sorry, I try not to be rude about Rose’s relationship with the Doctor. I think it’s actually an interesting dynamic that makes sense in context, but it really bugs me that so many people view it unproblematically, and it bugs me even more that people don’t imagine both Rose and the Doctor growing out of it. Like, I can’t lie: I think that’s wacked and super unhealthy, in much the same way (though to a lesser degree) as the Twilight series and its fans are, except Doctor Who is still better-written and far more interesting.

That said, I’d be willing to read a well-written fix-it fic that depicts them growing out of their unhealthy codependent dynamic while staying together romantically. TBH I’d be more interested if it were Rose and Tentoo because then it would be canon-compliant, but I’m not too picky on that point. I AM picky about it not even remotely disrespecting the relationship the Doctor had with any other companion though. And it would have to have a whole “you were so obsessed with me that you were willing to destroy an unspecified number of universes, INCLUDING THE ONE YOUR FAMILY AND BEST FRIEND WERE IN, just to see me again for a brief period of time before this universe also collapsed WITH US IN IT and honey, that’s actually CREEPY AND GROSS even though I thought it was super sweet at the time, but in my defense the universe was already ending at that point anyway and you don’t have that excuse because in your case it was PREMEDITATED” conversation because otherwise I won’t believe they’ve actually grown as people. Also it’d be nice if it were funny more than angsty (but lbr you can’t write what I’m talking about without a fair amount of angst). So, y'know, if anyone has actually written that fic lmk.

Meanwhile, there’s MARTHA.

OK so I’m on record about how awesome Martha is. This is already getting long so I won’t belabor Martha’s total awesomeness as a character, but even though I got a bit tired of dysfunctional family relationships in New Who, it was novel to see them have any ongoing family relationships at all, and Martha’s was particularly rich, partly there were so many of them for her to interact with, thus revealing lots of different facets of her character. And despite her fractious relationship with them, she remained fiercely loyal, which was an interesting source of tension between her and the Doctor, and one that diverted attention away from the dental-drill painfulness of the unrequited love subplot.

It’s super gross that the writers made her hung up on the Doctor all the way through series 3. Not because it’s ridiculous for an intelligent, perceptive, professional young woman to be hung up on an emotionally unavailable man. No, that really happens to actual human beings (and again, possibly related to serious parental issues, so it’s not even without narrative justification). Handled with any sensitivity at all, it could have made for a lovely level of complexity. What really bugs me, and I’ve also written about this before, is how the Doctor treats her like GARBAGE, and this is barely addressed as a problem that he is responsible for. In the end Martha realises her mistake in sticking around for so long, but her attempts to call out his bad behavior in the past fell on deaf ears. Martha is the rebound girl but he acts like he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. Which, IDK, maybe he really doesn’t know? Like for all his 900+ years the Doctor has little previous actual relationship experience and also he’s super blindingly hung up on his high school-esque sweetheart Rose. And it’s not just in regards to Martha’s romantic feelings that he treats her poorly. He also dismisses her VERY VALID CONCERNS about her own safety and well-being when traveling in the past for the sake of his own whims. And he brushes off legitimate questions about how stuff works. Anyway. This is well-trodden ground. As is the fact that RTD later inexplicably fobs Martha off on MICKEY, the only other black companion in the series up to that point, despite having already paired Martha off with a cute, sweet doctor who seemed like a MUCH better fit, and there literally being no narrative reason for them to be a couple in that scene.

Donna! Well, as we all know, Donna is among the best-developed companions ever.

She didn’t start out that way though. She started off as a Deeply Problematic (read: disgustingly misogynistic) Stereotype who was never meant to be more than a one-off, but CT and DT got along so well that they brought the character back full-time, and so we got a lot of deconstruction, exploration, and development of that first impression. And I’ll forever be happy we did. But even in The Runaway Bride, she had moments of surprising depth and pathos. Deep down, Donna was always better than she seemed. The fact that she was the last person (other than her mother) to realize that fact is part of what makes her so compelling.

Her relationship to the Doctor is also the least problematic, because they’re both on the same page about being platonic bffs. To be fair, part of the reason he does make sure this is clear from the outset is because he has finally realized how he hurt Martha (NOT THAT HE EVER APOLOGIZED TO MARTHA FOR THAT–for a guy for whom “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” was basically a second catch phrase, Ten actually sucks at apologising to the people close to him). Unlike Martha, the Doctor doesn’t overlook Donna or brush off her concerns. Unlike Rose, he is not codependent with her. Donna calls him on his BS, and he listens. She helps him to face his emotional vulnerability rather than running from/shutting out potentially scary personal relationships (like with River and Jenny). The Doctor helps Donna to see that she really is brilliant and important, and she grows to believe him.

That’s not to say that Donna’s character was handled perfectly. No, indeed. Even after her first story, we’re repeatedly subjected to jokes about her desperate need for and inability to get a man. Even the Doctor, who is otherwise kind to her, takes these jokes for granted and sometimes participates in them. At the end of series 4, we’re shown that the one person in the universe that Mr. Pansexuality Personified, JACK HARKNESS has no interest in flirting with is Donna Noble, the man-hungry middle-aged slightly overweight loud temp from Chiswick. And then, of course, the Doctor denies her agency and takes away her access to the memories of everything she saw, everything she did, everything she discovered about herself while traveling with him. Just so he wouldn’t have to see her die. It was selfish of him. She made her choice and he ignored it to spare HIMSELF pain. But, y'know, at least the Doctor cheated the lottery to make her rich as a wedding present to a very attractive, kind-looking, and clearly adoring man–right before he regenerated. So she did get a happy ending.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, HONEY! You’ve been accepted for the role of PARIS with a faceclaim change to Luke Pasqualino. Admin Jen: I had high expectations for Priam as he’s such a nuanced, multi-faceted character but you exceeded them by leaps and bounds, Honey! You captured all the concepts that I was hoping to see someone explore and unravel such as his identity, search for purpose and moral ambiguity and you added all these little details that built off of that but also made the characterization wholly yours. My favorite one was the detail regarding his knack for fixing up cars and the backstory you built off of that in terms of his family’s corporation. I can honestly keep going for hours because there was just too much to love about your app. It’s left me absolutely thrilled to see how you’ll develop him on the dash! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Honey

Age | 22

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | I’m a final year college student who’s doing a short film as my final project, which might take up some time. But I’m taking less classes this semester so that kind of evens out the workload a little. I’d place my activity level at about a 6 (maybe even 7 if I’m feeling particularly inspired) out of 10.

Timezone | GMT +8

Current/Past RP Accounts | apcstasies.tumblr.com

In Character

Character | PARIS ; Priam Taravella (FC: Luke Pasqualino)

What drew you to this character?

The fact that everything about Priam is manufactured, a carefully curated collection of personality traits and mannerisms that he can turn on and off at will whenever it suits his purpose. By all intents and purposes – be it business or personal – Priam is a self-made man. But even though his perfectly-crafted veneer is his greatest strength, paradoxically, it is also his biggest weakness. There is a void inside him, a hollow point that eats away at him. It is a slow decay, but it consumes nonetheless. Personally, I feel that this emptiness he feels is a lack of human connection, and for all his ambition and apparent desire to rise to power, what he truly seeks is a sense of belonging. Priam wants so badly to be seen, but ironically the way he makes himself visible is by putting on a mask.

I feel like he probably struggles a lot with his upbringing and his resentment towards his parents. On the one hand, he’s very aware that as far as childhoods go, his isn’t terrible. He grew up extremely privileged and never wanted for anything (besides his parents’ affection, but that’s besides the point). Sure, it sucked that his parents were distant and that he’s had all these expectations placed on his shoulders from such a young age, but Priam is very aware of the fact that there are many people who would give anything to trade lives with him. He was deeply unhappy with his life growing up, and when he was younger he had been more inclined to complain about how much he hated his life, as children are wont to do, but then everyone around him constantly reminded him how lucky he was and so he learned to bury his discontentment. He carried his unhappiness inside him like a cancer, letting it fester until he was sick with it.

I also find his potential struggles with self-identity to be a compelling part of his character. At what point does the mask become the man? When does the line between the part he plays and his true self start to blur? Does he ever catch himself in the middle of a moment and think–– am I still pretending, or is this truly the man that I have become?

+ Bonus: I just find it amusing that he’s named Priam.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character?

TENDER LIKE A BRUISE

Love is an abstract concept that Priam can’t quite grasp and it shows. Still, there is a part of Priam that believes in love. Perhaps it is because he’s never had it that he wants it this badly, or perhaps it is the way he’s heard Julianna speak of love. Romantics talk about all-encompassing love, the kind of love that consumes you until you can think of nothing else except your dearly beloved and being with them. Priam is no stranger to being consumed, except it is poison that fills his veins and a monster within that eats at him inside out. As a teen, he’d thought that he could fill the void inside of him with love, only he never quite understood what love meant. He’d confused love with lust and, sleeping with girls, and boys, and girls and boys, but even if it kept the hunger at bay for a little while, the emptiness alwayscrept back in. Whether Priam realises it or not, he wants Juliana to be the one who might finally be able to carve a home in his ribs. Maybe they’re not in love, but when he’s with her, something in his chest settles, and maybe, maybe, maybe, that will be enough.

WE MUST BE KILLERS

Priam’s never had much of an appetite for violence, but if there’s anything he’s learned from his parents, it’s that the means are always justified by the ends. And if that’s the case, then what’s a little bit of spilt blood in the grand scheme of things? But just because he can understand the necessity for violence doesn’t mean he’s any more willing to be an active participant. He’s a hypocrite and a coward; he may not ever be the one pulling the trigger, but he is the one who looks away and lets it happen. It makes the ugly parts of the job easier to stomach, soothes his conscience some. But things are changing, tensions are rising, to remain passive is to bare your neck your enemy and pray they won’t tear your throat out. Priam is a survivor, and if it comes down to killing someone or being killed, he knows which side of the line he wants to fall on. He’s a liar, he’s manipulative, he’s ruthless –– he’s never been a killer, but perhaps it’s time to change that.

SHIFTING IN THE LIGHT

Despite being neck-deep in the corruption of Verona, he likes to think that he has some morals, or at least a sort of ethical code that he follows. People like him are the worst, criminals who refuse to acknowledge themselves as such. For Priam, part of the reason is pride, but fear is a factor as well, even if he won’t admit it. He had been the one to go to Cosimo, and the man has always treated him as something of a son, but sometimes he does wonder if he’s sold his soul to the devil and it’s days like those that he can’t bear to look himself in the eyes. But Priam can’t run from the person he’s become forever. One day he’s going to look in the mirror and not recognise himself, and he’ll wonder if maybe the mask is stuck, or if he’s just become the mask. He’s grown into a man, hardly recognisable as the little boy he used to be, and only time will tell whether that’s a good or bad change.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character?

Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve killed off one of my characters : )))

(That means yes, please feel free to kill Priam.)

In Depth

In-Character Interview:

• What is your favourite place in Verona?

“My favourite place?” Priam echoes. The slight twist of his lips hints at amusement, but it is the sort of indulgent humour one might direct at a particularly precocious two-year-old. It’s an expression that borders on condescension, but the reporter is either oblivious to it or doesn’t much care, continuing to watch him with expectant eyes. Over the years Priam has found that people are usually too enamoured by his pretty face to really notice the ugly parts of him that lurk underneath the surface, and it feels like a challenge, almost –– sometimes he toes the line just to see how much he can get away with by virtue of being young and beautiful.

“You’re standing in it,” he finally answers, the words accompanied by a vague sweeping gesture of his hand, inviting the reporter to take a proper look at the garage they’re currently in. This is the first time anyone other than him has been in there, and a part of Priam tingles with the wrongness of a stranger in a space that had before this been only for him. Still, it’s a small sacrifice he has to make. People love to be reminded that the rich are regular people with regular hobbies behind the glamour of wealth, and if Priam throws them a bone now, it’ll keep them from digger further into other truths he’d rather not divulge. “I apologise for the mess, by the way,” he adds, allowing a sheepishness he doesn’t actually feel to seep into his voice, “I probably should have cleaned up a little, but it slipped my mind. Don’t usually let people in here, y’know?” Hook, line, and sinker, Priam thinks, watching the man flush slightly at the implication that he’s the exception.

• What does your typical day look like?

“A lot of paperwork,” he answers with a laugh, and then, “No, really. I left Taravella Corporation because I got tired of sitting around in an office all day. Albeit it was a very nice office, but I’ve always been more of a hands-on kind of guy.” He pauses to pick up a wrench from his worktable, pretending not to notice the double entendre, or the way the reporter’s gaze catches on his fingers as they wrap around the shaft of the wrench.

“I traded aerospace for automotive, thinking with a smaller company I’d get to be more involved with the actual manufacturing process, but I still spend most of my day signing papers.” He looks up from the car then, sharing a wry smile with the reporter before adding, almost cheekily, “Except now I get to do it in a smaller office.” Despite the reporter being the only other person in the room, Priam lowers his voice anyway, letting the reduced volume provide the illusion of candour. “Some might say it’s a downgrade, but it’s nice to have a space that finally feels like it’s mine. It sounds silly, but back at T-Corp, I always felt like I was just messing around in my old man’s chair.”

“Anyway,” he says, talking normally once more, “After work I like to grab some drinks with my friends, maybe dinner with my fiancée if I end early enough. I’m really not all that different from other guys in their twenties.” If other guys his age routinely met up with members of one of Verona’s most well-known mobs, of course, but he decides to leave that last bit off the record.

• What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

“I accidentally wore mismatched socks to work once,” he deadpans, and then more seriously, “I suppose it depends on how one defines ‘mistake’, but to me, a mistake is something you wish you could undo.” He ducks under the open hood even as he continues to talk despite previously having made it a point to make eye contact whenever he answered a question, knowing that the reporter will interpret it as him feeling more comfortable being honest when he’s not actually looking at the person he’s talking to.

“For a while, I had wondered if leaving the family business had been a mistake,” he admits, sounding genuine even as he lies through his teeth. Priam had never been more sure of anything, determined to forge his own path to the top without the burden of his family’s legacy weighing him down. “But that worked out pretty well for me, I’d say, so no regrets there.”

• What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

“Picture this––” he starts, “You’re five years old and your father brings you to work.” It’s perhaps his earliest memory of his father. Before that, the man had been a mere spectre in Priam’s life, the bogeyman that his nannies had used to keep him in line. Your father wouldn’t want you to use that word, or keep your voice down, your father’s resting in his office. That day at Taravella Corporation’s main office had been the first time they’d spent more than half an hour in the same room. Back then, Priam had thought it had been some sort of a father-son bonding experience, but he knows better now.

“He showed me around, brought me to all the different departments before he took me to his personal office. There, he said to me: this will all be yours someday.” On some nights, he can still hear his father’s voice, still remembers grappling with the realisation that he’s not so much a son as he is the heir to an empire he never asked for. It’s not a happy memory, but he recounts the tale with a carefully calculated smile that’s just this side of sheepish and a half-shrug, proud and self-deprecating all at once, “That’s quite a lot to ask of a young boy, don’t you think?”

• What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

War. It’s such an ugly word, but there’s hardly any point debating the reporter’s choice of words when it’s the truth. Priam is under no illusions –– while the interview might have been disguised as a spread on one of Verona’s most successful young entrepreneurs, this one question is the true crux of it all. But he wouldn’t be such an invaluable piece on the Capulets’ chessboard if he hadn’t been well-versed in the art of lies and half-truths, and that ability is sure to serve him well now.

“If you think that I have anything profound to say just because I’m engaged to Juliana, then I’m afraid you’re mistaken.” He places his wrench back down, walking away from the open hood of the car to lean against the passenger side door instead, allowing the reporter an unobstructed view of him. His stance is carefully neutral, arms at his side, nothing in his posture to suggest that he has anything to hide. “I’m a businessman, I make and sell cars,” he starts, but knows that there’s no way he can get away with not commenting on the issue at all. “That being said, my family has always been close to the Capulets, so. Whatever Cosimo and Juliana are doing, I trust that they’re doing the right thing.”

“Speaking of my fiancée––” Priam straightens up suddenly, his tone returning to it’s earlier light-heartedness as his lips pull into a grin. “I’m supposed to meet her for lunch today, and I should probably wash off all this grease before I do that. I assume we’re done here?” It’s phrased as a question, but combined with the slight raise of a single eyebrow, it’s clear that it’s a dismissal more than anything else. The reporter’s smart enough to catch on, nodding in agreement as he thanks Priam for his time.

Extras:

Taravella Corporation is an aerospace engineering company, mostly dealing with the manufacturing of commercial planes, but they have the occasional military contract as well as an R&D department that’s looking into space travel

After leaving T-Corp, Priam went and set up Argentum, an automotive engineering company that produces some of the most innovative luxury cars in the world

In his youth, Priam had a brief stint with street racing. It had been an attempt to distract himself from the gnawing emptiness inside of him, and for a while it worked. Now, occasionally he’ll drive over the speed limit, but he’s not nearly as reckless anymore

Really good at poker but we’ll probably never actually get to see this in a thread (besides maybe a passing mention) because I have no idea how to play poker despite having been taught multiple times

Sexy and he knows it !

I wish I could end this app on a more coherent and/or profound note but it’s 4 in the morning and I just want to write a fake ass hoe whose entire existence can be boiled down to: was unloved as a child and now has no idea how basic human emotions work

He tries though, really

[leonorakidd93]

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