#and now I am tempted once more 😔)

[foolishnpd]

the endless battle of the urge to make a TikTok page and makes videos because I've heard it's really really easy to get thousands of followers and lots of attention on there

vs the feeling of being above all the boring plebs who mindlessly use the worst platform on earth, I am cool and different, I don't use TikTok I use the only objectively good platform (Tumblr) and I am above ALL of you trash who film in public and make fools of yourself with those dances

[hello-nichya-here]

Hello Nichya! I wanted to ask you about an idea I recently had. And because you are basically the goddess of zucest, I figured it was appropriate? If it’s not, my apologies. Hopefully, you find the idea or prompt to be good. If not, that’s okay too!

I am interested in hearing your thoughts and opinions on the matter! And any additions that you may make to the idea/outline.

The ask is also really long. And in two parts. I hope that is okay?

Before I begin, I would like to also state that I used to be not quite an Azula anti but not exactly sympathetic. It was reading you’re fic “in defense of Azula” as well as various tumblr Azula meta’s that changed my mind. And I’m of the firm conclusion that she was given quite the raw deal in canon. She’s now my favorite character, so thank you!

Now full disclosure (well not really seeing as this is anon asked), but I am overall an Azutara shipper. But I also ship Firecest and Watercest along with it. Truthfully, I ship Azula/Zuko/Katara/Sokka poly relationship. But no one else seems to do likewise. So…😔

I just think Fire/Water is an awesome ship! It is the most… titillating as well. Though I don’t really ship incest in real life myself, fiction is another matter entirely.

But onto the prompt/outline/idea!

************************************************

The idea/prompt is titled “Candid”

Part 1

So the idea basically takes place near the end of book 2 with main characters (Gaang +dangerous ladies) aged up by several years. Perhaps near the 18th, 19th, 20th range?

After Azula’s successful espionage/bloodless coup of Ba Sing Se she encounters Katara like in canon in the crystal catacombs. While the two are fighting they manage to destroy a particular…crystal of inter determinate design. They destroyed it (by accident) with a combined attack from Fire and Waterbending. Once destroyed, the remnants of the crystal sends out some ethereal blue light that attached to both Azula and Katara. The light doesn’t seem to have any immediate effect though. Shrugging the two continue to fight.

The story proceeds normally, with Azula slaying Aang in self defense of herself/brother/country. And Katara subsequently breaking the laws of mortality and bring Aang back from the dead.

But it is now that the consequences of destroying the crystal become evident. See when Azula find herself talking to people, like to Ozai to Zuko, Iroh and she finds that she is unable to lie. Even to herself. Perhaps especially to herself.

Which puts several holes in her plans. For one, she can’t lie to Ozai anymore, so she can’t say Zuko killed the avatar. Only that he aided her and even turned against Ozai’s hated brother to do so.

And when Zuko confronts Azula, instead of being “luring about him killing the avatar”. It’s more to do with “why did you offer me the chance to “redeem myself, when you cjould have taken out the Avatar and his friends by yourself”. What’s in it for you?

To which Azula, would try to lie to Zuko but the (spirit curse?) would force to tell the truth. A truth only known to Azula’s subconscious mind, up until that point.

The two simply stare at one another until Zuko slowly walks away. His mind a washed with new thoughts, feelings and the ideas of unexplored possibilities.

Cut to the beach episode. It is here we’re Azula and Zuko are forced to confront what they have been avoiding for the last several days.

Azula, Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee, travel to Ember Island under the gaze of Lo and Li. It is here that Azula revels problems that Zuko and Mai’s relationship seem to have.

Most of the epsisode proceeds as normally. With the added caveat that Azula’s attempts to “charm” Chan under Ty Lee’s couching was really an tempt to force herself to ignore her (realized) feelings for Zuko.

For his part, Zuko’s is struggling with the reality of his own recently realized feelings towards Azula. Which is something that Mai picks up on. Much to her…displeasure. But she graciously bows out later when she suddenly remembers that Ty Lee is single!

After Zuko storms away from the campfire (which is after everyone real see their long held anger) Azula goes to comfort him. Like in canon. However, unlike in canon Azula is still not able to lie. And so Azula and Zuko have a “heart to heart”. During the course of the conversation Zuko also finds out about Azula’s new inability to lie.

It is during the course of this conversation that certain truths are revealed. Azula and Zuko even kiss under the moonlight. Really It is quite romantic. Though perhaps it may turn slightly risqué as the moment goes on.

In between the end of Ember Island and day of Black Sun. Both Azula and Zuko are on cloud nine. They are having fun sneaking around, and getting closer together. Azula even learns the art of how to lie without actually telling a fib. In order to keep her tryst with Zuko a secret. For his part Zuko is falling in love, but he is also still dealing with the conflicting ideas of betraying their father Ozai. Some of Zuko’s anger at Ozai bleeds through to Azula. Who begins to have conflicting feelings regarding Ozai. Especially whenever she looks at the scar on her (boyfriends?) face.

Later, when Azula meets with Ozai, she is informed that he will stay in the safety of the bunker while she’ll distract any invading forces (ie the Gaang). For his part, Zuko is furious that Ozai is putting Azula in danger while Ozai himself is of hiding. Not even leading his own troops in defense of their home. Event though he is the sovereign. Azula’s own loyalty to Ozai erodes even further.

Day of Sun arrives and Azula once again beats the Gaang. By battle, and tactics. Notably though, she coudnt lie to Sokka about “torturing” Suki so she had to say something different. But still vague enough that the curse would let her get away with saying it.

Later when Gaang is forced to leave, Azula runs swiftly to bunker. Where Zuko is confronting Ozai.

Azula is very very conflicted, but when Ozai starts to bend lighting at Zuko, Azula reacts without thinking and bends lighting herself. It actually manages to internet Ozai bolt. Hitting the bolt bolt right in the middle of the room.

Ozai, Zuko, and Azula are stunned by that turn of events. Ozai says something like “I give you one last chance, stand with me or fall with him daughter!”

To which Azula would say “I will always choose him!”. Especially now that Azula has not only realized but has acted upon her feelings for Zuko.

Ozai then bends a bolt at Azula, which Zuko intercepts and redirects back at the floor near Ozai. Azula and Zuko then have to flee the palace.

Part 2

Azula and Zuko take the war balloons to the Western Air Temple. Whereupon (and with much trepidation) the Gaang accepts them into their ranks.

There’s a funny scene in my mind where, when Katara threatens to end Zuko’s “destiny” (which Katara was fully justified in doing I personally feel) Azula then immediately threatens to kill Katara. Saying if Katara “touches a hair on Zuko’s perfect head (what Azula can’t lie…?) she’ll end her. To which Sokka will immediately threaten Azula. Then Zuko threatens Sokka. Then Katara threatens Zuko (again) and Azula. Then Azula threatens Katara (again) and Sokka. And round and about the Fire/water four go. Until Toph announces she’s gonna go asleep.

Later, Azula discovers that Katara also was affected by the broken crystal back in Ba Sing Se. And guess what? She can’t lie either. Not that it affects Katara nearly as much as it does Azula. But Katara still has her own secrets. Both known and not yet realized. Especially, those involving Sokka…

After the Boiling Rock. Which went without a hitch. With Suki, Mai, and Ty Lee all joking with the Gaang.

During the middle of an argument the curse forces Katara to say something that she has been keeping buried in her subconscious. That being her feelings and her desires for Sokka. Everyone who is spectating the argument is supremely shocked. None more so than Sokka. Who felt stirrings of feelings long kept under wraps.

Katara and Sokka have a conversation later that night and decide to give into one another. Aang and Suki are both upset initially, but eventually get over it and find other partners later doen the line. Perhaps Shari and On Ji respectively?

Toph thinks the whole thing is hilarious and teases both Azula and Katara about situation mercilessly. In addition, both Zuko and Sokka make liberal use of Azula and Katara’s inability to lie while the couples are doing “bedroom activities”. Which is also something that Toph makes fun of Azula and Katara for.

The outline/idea/prompt ends with the war’s conclusion.

So what did you think? Was the idea good? Bad? In the middle? At least passable?

I home you like the idea/outline!

Anon, GO WRITE THIS IMMEDIATELY!

[mickgaydolenz]

HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND ASIA 💕💞💓💖💗💝💘 !!! i have a Micky astro update to share!

i've started working on the moon nodes (still have yet to finish studying degree theory), and while i was trying to find sources i found a source that actually explains the nodes in their houses, which is very helpful and also extremely telling from what i've read.

i wanted to share Micky's specifically because i found some things that are very important to the tour right now!

the thing about the moon nodes is that people will start to identify with their North Node in their later half of life, rather than the South Node when growing up. Micky has a Cancer North Node and Capricorn South Node; very much centered around familial and emotional matters.

i screenshot it and highlighted things that jumped out to me that made me think "yep that's him" (all of it is, who am i kidding), and underlined things that he should watch for, especially now:

i'll let you dissect that one, asia. Micky girls know more about him than i ever will 😔✊

moreover, we currently have nothing within the astrosphere that's in Capricorn, but we do have a Mars in Cancer transit right now, which is at it's fall; Cancer in Mars does not work well, i mean just look at Davy (natal Mars Cancer), the poor fucking bastard. this Mars transit is currently at 11° Cancer, fitting snuggly between Micky's 4H Saturn and 5H South Node in conjunction.

Mars is going to stay in Cancer for pretty much the entire Headquarters tour, heightening emotions to an almost boiling point, and with it being the 5H of creativity and self-expression we are absolutely seeing this unfold within the audience, and a bit with Micky too! also, with it applying (moving inward to conjunction) right now to his South Node, having him bringing up the past over & over is only going to get more emotionally intense from there, at least until it begins separation (moving onward from conjunction).

here's the thing though, Mars is notoriously headstrong and impulsive, so if emotions heighten and you mix that with the aggressive passion of Mars... yeah, it can get messy if gone unchecked. right now though we're seeing it manifest positively, at least on the outskirts, just as long as caution isn't being tempted to be thrown to the wind.

we're almost done with Aries season -- Mars' domicile sign -- and Taurus season will be moving in on the 21st, so Mars won't have a leg to stand on after that. but while Aries is all about following immediate instinct, Taurus is focused on stability and keeping a practical outlook; Taurus and Cancer naturally sextile, having very similar outlooks and views. if Micky is able to hone that influence in for the latter half of April, keeping a valuable support system and allowing himself to be open and honest with his emotions, then i have faith that it won't get the best of him... for now! it's like i keep saying: he needs to watch his head.

and before i go here's a quote from a source i found when looking up transit Mars conjunct natal South Node that perfectly puts this transit for him in a nutshell:

"Mars only touches the South Node once every two years so this can be an intense or cathartic time of release. An old issue may resurface, not to cause more pain but to allow deeper healing."

this concludes the Micky astro update 💫🌟✨

HELLO KALE MY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING FRIEND KALE WHOM I LOVE 💖💖💖💖

I LOVE THIS UPDATE SO, SO, SO MUCH!!!! and honestly this feels so fucking accurate, ESPECIALLY the parts you highlighted! but like you said it all definitely applies to micky! i think what is really interesting to me, just on a bit of a side note, is there is almost a trend of micky becoming more reserved and more concerned with appearances only to circle back into being unbothered (i’m thinking 60’s micky who was still weary but definitely more secure -> 70’s -90’s micky who was VERY self conscious and VERY concerned with trying to come off in a particular way -> mid 2000’s micky who started to revert back to being chill). you can also kind of see a trend with how he becomes more in-tune with his emotions, but also how he becomes more comfortable expressing them as well. but uh yeah all of this tracks heavily, like if i got into all the specific moments i’d be writing a fucking essay, but just KNOW this is 10000000% accurate so fucking stellar job as always kale.

i will say i hope to GOD the man takes a break after this and gives himself a chance to just sit with all the memories and emotions this tour undoubtedly brings up, and i hope he can manage to find peace within the upheaval 💖🙏😔

[footballffbarbiex]

I truly hate how fandom works sometimes... Like, I get it, I left for a good few years, but still 😔 fic writers who left the fandom, know we miss you and never gave you the appreciation you deserved

yeah, now look at me, thinking about how he could put that stupid mouth to good use 🙃 love that for me. Am seriously plotting smut about him involving aforementioned stupid mouth and once my brain can function for more than a minute it might actually get written

yes!! dont get me wrong, i've been tempted to shut shop and leave too. i can't blame them for going. i just dont have another interest as strong to want to write for full time😂

😶😶😶

[khaleesiofalicante]

"My mother did not mean to hate me, she did not even know she hated me, and yet I was hated. And I carried that hate with me through life with more pride than it perhaps deserved. A bruise of honor." -I lost the author but this made me think of lbaf for some reason

My fave inmortal trio🥰🥰 love me some Ragnor being grumpy and Catrina being lovely and Magnus having an inmortality crisis around the corner kshdjdbd

I'm actually surprised that Ragnor seems to be the most calmed one here....

Max, a warlock who now knew warlock math, would finally have a purpose. how do I explain this to you, babe😔

I didn't expect to be attacked with inmortality, death and angst this early but ok :)

Alec once again being the true legend for creating the Downwolder -Shadowhunter Alliance 😎

Max is not there, is he?

It took them less than a minute to find him – with the magic of tracking and pure parental terror. Omg that scene was so stressful but the way Rafael could call Magnus and both Alec and him going immediately is making me cry 🥺

Couldn't they just...idk, kick around the seashell and get it into the portal?? It's just a suggestion!!!

Magnus knew that look.

The look of a parent who had just realized their child was gone.

Too many lbaf II flashbacks 😭😭

Me @ Hunter after he found everything was real: you must be feeling really stupid right now huh??

Honest talk, I hate the Devlins, but it must suck that he finally sees what his son saw and finally believes him, but now Marcus is dead... Shit.

Camilla better wake up from that coma or I will lose my shit ISTG-

Then Gigi had gone home hoping to talk to Camila tomorrow.

Then tomorrow had come, but Camila had not.

You can't take aways this friendship!! Please😭

That is life in this bitch of an earth 😔

GIGI AND RAFEL. I WOULD KILL FOR THIS DUO. THEY ARE JUST EVERYTHING💙💙💙

The mystery is killing me!!

I trust this precious babe with my life. You got this!!! No pressure tho...

“I still can’t believe he is dead. I feel like he is just gonna pop tomorrow and say ‘surprise, bitches’ or something.” don't tempt the fates!!!

Other Max haunts me in my sleep too. I need even the tiniest of hints🥺🥺🥺

“You’d look fucking hot with gray hair,” she said. OMFG I literally said this 10 seconds ago dkvdkdjdk

Idk why i love the nickname guapa so much. And I love that you can also use it with friends (at least I do lol) and it's so cute and fun and- ok, ok. Getting away from the point jdhdkdk

Max really took "I love a challenge" to the next level😂😂

THE DAUGHTER IS NAMED AFTER CAMILLA, RIGHT? RIGHT??? THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER EXPLANATION!!!

“She is a good one, isn’t she? Good friends are important, Rafael. Because good friends become family.” STOP I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR FRIENDS BECOMING FAMILY TROPE😭😭

Arjun and Camilla. It has to be. It makes sense. Also Arjun is amazing 🥺🥺

“It’s a privilege to be someone’s namesake,” bapak smiled. “It means someone loves you and respects you enough to want more of you in their world.” This whole thing made me emo. I can't even mention my favorite part!!! It's not fair of you to give me Lightwood-Bane fam feels in this moment 😭😭

Mallory is crazy!! I mean we all know that already but still... This family is full with psychopath holy shit!!

Hunter, this is on you for not believing your son... Idris has nothing to do with it!!

Wait, Claire knows something 🤨

Wow.

Look at them. Finally coming together. Working as a family.

Yeah... I don't thinks that's particularly healthy....

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK? WHY?? HOW?? WHAT?? SERIOUSLY LEVIATHAN???

I am stress 🙂 I better get to watch someone beat the power out of her (David👀) or I am suing!!!!

To say that I'm obsessed with that quote would be an understatement. It's so fucking on point.

Here is a song rec for you. You might know it but the live performance must be viewed for hoe reasons.

[iyabutterfly]

Im ready to throw my hands in the air, and give my kids away to the first person that raises their hand. What advice do you have for this single mother? Im stressed. I can't find a way out. It doesn't matter what "best decision" I make, because it always ends up bitting me in the rear. And I'm only human, so you already know I make "bad decisions" as well.

I just never saw myself as a Single Mother. I was with my Children's Father since high-school. 14 years we made it. We never got married, and that's only my second mistake. My first mistake was committing and moving in so young. I was too young, so what did I know? We got together junior year, and I moved in with his parents right after graduation. Never even had a real date. Like, whoo raised me??!! (That's a whole other post on childhood traumas😒)

Anyway, I gave him ALL of me. All of my time and commitment. All of my love and nurturing. I wasn't perfect but my world revolved around him, his family and his needs. Who knows what that did to me and my family?? It estranged me. I'm the second oldest of my Mothers 6 kids. The 4th oldest of my Fathers 5 and when my Mother finally married, that added 5 more to my list. "You only call when you need something" "Where's *******?" At this point I'm just ashamed and embarrassed.

We broke up so many times...And took each other back....again and again. TOXIC MADNESS. verbal abuse. mental abuse. physical abuse. I played my toxic role. No lies. I won't even make excuses about how "I can only take so much before I clash back". Because sometimes, I picked with him first.

And it wasn't always all bad. We had some amazing times as well. I know he loved me just as much as I loved him. I just don't know what happened. Where did I fail? NOW I have nothing. I stayed at home and taught my boys and catered to him for so long, I'm lost now. No home. No financial or emotional support. My anxieties are through the roof. Everything that I spent my young life creating, just ripped away. I'm really so angry AND sad.

And now I'm really screwed up, because my anxieties and depression led me to alcohol. I got into trouble. And not just once. My record is now tampered with, making it hard to get a decent paying job. And the decent paying ones that I can get are so far away that it's hard to balance my life on the bus line. School is starting back up Monday. Due to my living situation, I have to take the bus to get them to school. The bus is my life.. What does their Father help me with?? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not a penny. Not an hour. And do you know why? Because I won't give him sex. He feels like if he does anything for me, then he deserves my body. Im halfway tempted to give in, for a number of reasons. I need help. I CANT THINK STRAIGHT. I CANT FOCUS. I have so much to get done and think about, I can't think. The boys are always with me. I had to take them to an interview 😫 Guess how that went. Nothing I start gets completed. I'm looking and looking into resources. Either nothing for me, or I'm not in the district or I simply missed the appointment. I'm up late night because it's my only place and then I can't hear my alarm in the am. ON TOP OF needing to get things done, I have these handsome, innocent sweet little boys that deserve the world. I can't give it to them. I get impatient 😔 I yell. It's killing me that they have gone through so much, and I'm just putting them through more. It's killing me that I can't tend to all their needs. I'm dying inside. I need my village but it doesn't seem that I have one. I let my relationship shut everyone out, and now it's just too late. I really can go on and on and on. I could write books detaling my life and Noone would ever get bored. I guess the advice that I need is

HOW DO YOU FOCUS?

HOW DO YOU, as a Single parent, juggle life with work and kids and cleaning and self care? How do you get these things done, without pulling out your hair or thrusting your head through the wall?

[seokmins]

😭 oms sunshine Elv! I had to pause and look at that photo of Shua. It’s one of my fave ones from ig (thanking kyeom forever 😔💖) Kyeomshu beach episode has been my lockscreen for months now

fr! I’m very sure he is designated husband/boyfriend/fiance/loml in my dreams now. I dreamt of Seokmin once but he was more of a classmate crush > anything else 😭 but if he becomes a main character I’ll run here again 💓 AND RIGHT RIGHT! Amg idk why I dreamt of a pregnancy scare like ??? husband!shua made sense bc I saw some husband!shua thoughts in the tags and 🥰🥰🥰 but this dream was stress but compensated by sweet shua :’( if i remember correctly, we did choose a very beautiful name for a baby boy but I can’t remember lol. The baby discussion was so cute tho like am tempted to open a writing blog just for this 😭

Also aaa!! Elv head pats 🥺 I am super soft! sending you lots of hugs and hearts too my fave dk’s pepperoni sunshine! also idk if you saw the reply to your Trick or Treat ask but I hope you enjoyed the kyeomrot there 💖💖💖

— chia 🐑

!!! kyeomshua beach insta = supreme boyfie vibes ugh - superior indeed. Pls you and me both being classmate-zoned w/kyeomie even in our dreams </3 😭 haha i love your dreams sm tho 🙏🏻ik i keep saying it but they're literally like stories i would love to watch/read!! Ah so right of you - husband!shua is so *chef kiss* and @dalkyeom if you ever open a writing blog pls lmk!!

ILY Chia!!! Pepperoni sunshine is so cuteeee - and yes!! I'm so sorry I have this incredibly bad trait of reading the answers to asks directly in my gmail notification and then forgetting to actually open them in tumblr and reply ajdkfjsdj - constant clown hours but i do really love your mind and always a supporter of the kyeomrot agenda mwah

[harunayuuka2060]

>>Long ask ahead!!<<

An angst to angst idea I got at 6:47 AM or so;

Barbatos with an MC who is constantly on the verge of death and Barbatos having to witness multiple of their many gruesome deaths in order to save them

It's like the world is just out for their head! And the thing is, MC is perfectly fine with it because it's been with them since birth and the only reason they're still alive is because of an extremely over protective family

What makes it worst (for Barbatos, our beloved) is that MC is a total sweetheart, top to bottom just the purest of pure and Barbs just can't understand just why the world wants to kill her off so badly (Poor barbarapatatoes 😔)

MC, of course loves him with all their heart. Barbatos is their knight in shining armour, their saviour, one of the very few reasons why they're still alive. MC also knows that their demise is inevitable and will happen no matter what Barbatos does to prevent it.

Alas, that fateful day came so fast and left so soon, only leaving behind a sad figure in its path. MC died another bloody death and Barbatos is now getting desperate to have them back in his arms once more but he couldn't.

A panicking and heartbroken Barbatos is going through so many different dimensions yet none of them have his beloved alive and well. His beloved is either dead or nonexistent, sometimes he even gets to watch them die once again. How unfortunate.

>>To be continued?<<

Welp, that's all I was able to get in like... 7 hours maybe. I'm tempted to write this out but if I do write it out it'll be really basic because I've never written out a fic before and all but if you want to see more I could try to but it'll most likely end up as headcanons.

I could give a comfort ending with MC being reincarnated, but where's the fun in that? /jk sort of

Also I have an angst to fluff concept with Solomon if you want to hear me out-

Thank you for reading! I really appreciate it <3

[wnana-oh]

warnings: angst i guess?

relationship: rindou haitani × mafia reader

a/n: its my 1st time doing this 😔 since 2015 wattpad so bear with me please .

ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ

Legs aching, eyes lost in the blinding sea of lights, I wondered where the car was heading to. It had been a while since we'd met, parting on bad terms some month ago. Not once did he bother looking at me, as questions were flooding my thoughts, I murmured something unconsciously, fingers rhythmly tapping on my phone case. He laughed. Not sure if it was a scoff or a genious giggle, I ignored him.

"Have you seriously lost your mind?"

My mind wondered, had I ? How come I forget his behaviour, how come I act all bratty knowing I might as well die as he'd flick his fingers towards me. I had mumbled something about how he'd have to be a crazy bastard to bring me back where we used to meet. Apparently it was exactly why he had come for me. I looked at him from the wing mirror, memories of other rides monopolizing my head.

"Why'd you even come for me? Isn't it you who's lost their mind?"

He knew damn too well I wouldn't give into him as easily as before. Not anymore. Not now that I knew everything he had done and wished to do. He was no fool, I wasn't as malleable as other chicks that would swoon over him in the blink of an eye, because he had his stupid good looks and a ridiculously tempting way of talking. His pistol cocked, the sound filling the car, aiming it at my thigh, he warned me silently, eyes not leaving the traffic. At this point, the old me would've been begging for forgiveness, for punishment. He was annoyed by the lack of reaction from my side, but I never noticed it, too focused on what wise words to speak, to survive. This ride felt like a ride to hell, oh how I came to resent my innocent self for falling into him so deeply, I had no one else, I was alone. I was my only possible saviour.

"I'm working to pay you back. I don't know what kind of trick you think you are playing on me, but you might as well stop it now and drop me off here. No way I'm going to work for you again Haitani."

He took a turn to the right, and to the left to park into a dark alley. Other cars were parked, on a perfect line, letting the shiniest car to the front, his car, admired by his coworkers. He adjusted his leather gloves onto his slender hands, putting his pistol back onto its belt. Dusting nothing but air off of his blazer, he turned the engine off, finally daring to look at my frail figure, glued on the seat, knowing there was no other option than to obey him as soon as we'd step out of that stupid sports car. He smirked, well aware that I could resist all I wanted, I was still scared shitless of this place, of the thing he'd do.

"Listen, you don't have anywhere else to go, am I right? You do this the best pretty girl. Clients have been requesting you. I'll pay you plenty. Treat you real good. You know that I always do."

His voice was as smooth as butter. Had I been tipsy, I would've given in. Had it been a few weeks ago, I would've run in his arms, crying about how much I loved and missed him. His hand caressed my cheek, eyes fixed onto mine, acting all sweet. How disgusting. I reacted out of character, fleeing away from his warm touch, afraid I'd relapse. I was doing just fine without him, working here and there to earn as much as I could, letting my pride and ego on the side, just to repay him, so that he'd let me alone. It never was in his plans to let me go, I made a ton shit of money working for him, cash that would fall in his pockets, while mine stayed pretty much empty. I used to let it slide, as he fucked the life out of me for said compensation.

"I'm not as naïve as I used to be. Not every girl is waiting for you to pick them up again after you ruined their lives. Let me go Haitani. I'll pay you back."

He never intended to. And I was dumb to think he would if I asked nicely. If he were to speak his mind, truthfully, no filter, he would admit not needing any more money. The thing that made him come back wasn't his precious gold and honestly he had no idea why he always came back. The guys had teased him enough already for him to notice it wasn't in his natural behaviour to go back to some girl he once played with succinctly. It annoyed him oh so very much that that girl wouldn't fall back into his game of push and pull. As I stayed put, in the leather seat, I caught a glimpse of him putting away his mean stare, looking down at me with pure consideration, his mind wandering on something I wouldn't pinpoint.

"Now that we're here you can't go without meeting the boys, hm? pretty."

I hadn't noticed that his gun was still cocked in his belt. Acting bratty was all cool and relieving after submitting so much to his orders but I still wanted to walk out of today alive, with both of my legs. I agreed with a move of the head. He got out of the car first and as I watched him come to my side, I caught myself hoping he would drop dead, letting me escape, disapear, run, far away, to the other side of the world if I had to. The sound of the door opening, his warmth covering me as he bent over to unlock my seatbelt made me realise he wouldn't die so easily. I couldn't dare to look at him, his essence enough to make me breathless. He offered me his hand as I pleaded him to let me go with teary eyes that only made his smirk grow wider. I placed my feet on the concrete, legs shaking, eyes unable to concentrate on one thing. He took me to that hellish proprety of his, looking like a war winner, all fucking proud and shit, not giving a single fuck to how I almost fainted every step I took inside that gigantic hall. He looked good, he looked fine, not a single hint of worry or anxiety on his face, he looked happy. I hated him for being joyfull even when he was in a shitty gang, even when he came back all red from all the blood spilled. I despise him because I was miserable, I was dependent, I was poor, and couldn't even afford to go to college because I wasn't a genious, I had to sell my body and soul to guys like him to see a glimpse of light. I probably betrayed my country in my past life to live this kind of hell. 

"Wear your prettiest smile princess. Can't look pitifull in front of the boys right ?"

"I despise you Haitani. Why the fuck can't you let me go uh? Fucking obsessed ?"

It was something in the way he looked at me, somethin in the way he stopped right before the door that made me realise I'd hit the jackpot. The reason he couldn't, wouldn't leave me the fuck alone, the thing that made him come back was because he was obsessed. Obsessed because I wasn't. Because I defied him, because I ran away and never came back on my own. I was stunned, almost caught myself laughing before his slender fingers tapped my tight, the exact place here he had scarred me in he past. I remembered that night, the urge to laugh dying in my throat as he opened the door, revealing the other members of his stupid gang rulling over the fucking world if you listened to them. 

Ran, his brother laughed when he saw us looking at his peers as if he had won the lottery. They probably betted on it, seeing how the money hungry Hajime Kokonoi was pissed. Nothing changed, they looked the exact same, talked the exact same, behaved the exact same. I kept telling myself they had reasons for becoming who they had become but honestly speaking I couldn't care anymore, even if they had the most terrible childhood, even if they had been backstabbed, abandoned, mistreated or abused, I just couldn't care less. The only one I wanted to pity was their leader looking as if he was already dead, not accepting his fate at all, but something told me he may as well be the worst, else, why would he have been their leader.

"Say hello. Or, do you wanna stay with them longer? I thought you wanted to run. So much you cried."

I bowed mumbling a shy hello in the most polite way, I never even greeted my grand parents this politely. How pathetic of me, I thought I grew to be fearless. Nonetheless these men made me remember anyone could be a prey, however hardly anyone could be a predator. The younger Haitani sweetly murmured a good girl in my ears before leaving, taking me away form these sharks. At least he didn't make me stay all night there, cornered by dirty money, suffocating smoke and filthy moans all night. Maybe, he knew what to do to soothe my anxiety, had it all planned for me to go way back to the poor teenager I'd been. Maybe, I was defying all of his pre-made plans, but I had no way to know whether I was ahead of him or if it was the other way around. We walked to his office ㅡ brand new office ㅡ, there, he surprisingly offered me to sit, pouring me a drink, settling in front of me, the massive designer desk separating us and it amused me thinking how we never sat so far away from each other.

"Tell me now pretty, don't you have something to confess?"

"I don't think so. But you, you do have something to confess to yourself."

He raised an eyebrow. It was no secret I always talked back, but I had never been that free to speak my mind, that able to fight back his vicious words.

"Why'd you pretend to be so precious, so fucking fragile huh?"

"Oh god, you'd have done the same. You loved me like that, and I needed you to."

He sneered. His hypothesis was right. And between those four walls, I decided not to lie anymore to the fool he made himself.

"When the fuck did it all start? Since when have you been on their side?"

"It started around the time you were leading Roppongi Kyougoku."

"Fuck you were twelve at the time."

"Well, you were only thirteen, what's the point in being so shocked. It's only natural we keep our territoires under surveillance."

He probably had many questions he wanted to ask. I wanted to know if he had kept his suspisions for himself. We had always been silent about the gangs, their fights, when they killed each other for ego and nothing more valuable. We had been so quiet, they never suspected we knew everything. Of course I was afraid of them, afraid of what they had done to me, even when I expected them to do those things. And I had caught myself falling for that asshole times and times again. But never had I forget why I was there in the first place.

"Why'd you never stick around my brother. Because if it goes back to Roppongi Kyougoku, it was us, not me right."

"You were easier to fool Rin. You were so full of yourself, you believed every girl was ar your feet. All I had to do was act submissively, shed tears here and there and you fell in my trap."

I knew Ran, his brother warned him, he was more observant when it came to his family. Now that I know Rindou was obsessed, I understand why he never listened to the older guys. Honestly I would've loved him to just let me go, never ask anything about who I was, what I did, where I came from. I was fine leaving like that, with him thinking I was a crybaby, a poor, idiotic girl who knew absolutely nothing. 

Unfortunately, at this point in time, I had to kill him. I knew Bonten would never join forces with us, it was my last resort. Their building had high technology security, men twice my height and built at every corner, and eight crazy murderers, wanted all over Japan. I had my hands to struggle him, my legs to run away and my eyes to cry as I beg for forgiveness or feign innocence when they catch me.

On the other side, Rindou was talent aback. The fact he tried so hard to deny, had been revealed eight in his face. The words "you were easier to fool", monopolized his mind, the fact I called him Rin, making him understand I was on a pedestal, no longer his doll. 

"I'm sorry."

"Don't fucking lie to me. Not an ounce of regret is showing on your face. Don't fucking say you're sorry if you're just gonna backstab me again."

"I mean it."

"You're not gonna fool me twice. I may be an easier target than Ran but I'm not a complete moron."

It didn't feel right. I could hear my father scold me about my reluctance to end him. Other membres were dealing with other Bonten exectuives, one way or another, we were going to tear them apart. But I had never seen this look on his face, eyes puffy, trying to hold back some tears, breathe heavy. He looked terrible, betrayed and I hated myself for pitying him.

"I would've love to love you. And I hope you'll trust me when I say I'm sorry. Because I know you can understand where I'm standing. I don't have a choice."