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How are you feeling now, Bon?
Yeah don't worry, they're fine now, when your tummy is full you can't be mad, that's just science fact
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Okay ! Lots of stuff to say here ! There were some details I wasn't sure of about the lore of this mixed UT/ISAT universe, but recently I made myself a little memo of everything and I'm more sure of my stuff. So I made it clear in this one : Chara is here ! And they are here to help....maybe.
Siffrin thoughts and Chara's narration are kinda here at the same time...which must be super confusing to live honestly, but you can still see the difference. I will not develop here why Chara is with Siffrin instead of Frisk, but if you want a small explanation, their wishes mixed together
I personally think that there's a lot of ISAT stuff in this AU and not enough UT, so the next one (the one I really wanted to make for a while) will be more about UT, and it will be out...tomorrow ! Yep, I already started it before I decided to make that one first, so you'll have another answer really soon, whoo oh !
I hope you like this one for now though ! See you soon !
(Also did you notice the new brush I used this time ? I love it honestly, it looks super cool, I think I'll keep it)
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DIALOGUES IN CASE YOU CAN'T READ MY HANDWRITING
1 :
Bonnie : Mh.........
2 :
Odile : Bonniface, I get that you are upset, but can you please be faster ? Even I don't walk that slow
Bonnie : I'm as fast as I can 'dile !...
3 :
Isabeau : Hey, Sif ? Sorry to bother ya but, huh... Could you talk to Bonbon ? I think they might need it...
Siffrin : Huh ? Why ? I'm not really the feelings person of the group
4 :
Isabeau : Listen buddy, I... I don't think I'm the good person to tell you about it. Just...talk to them, okay ? They'll tell you...eventually
Siffrin : Huh... Okay ? I'll go do that...
5 :
Mirabelle : Huh ? Why did we stop ? Siffrin ?
6 :
Siffrin : Heya Bonnie
Bonnie : ...Siffrin. What d'you want ?
7 :
Chara (internally): Oof, wow, such a sweet kid. They even "Siffried" you
Siffrin : It seems that you're still angry since you flee earlier, and that it's...kinda my fault ? I'm not sure to really understand, but huh, I'm sorry, for whatever happened. I didn't wanted to upset you.
8 :
Bonnie : Huh uh. Yeah, sure. I forgive you
Siffrin (internally) : It doesn't sound like they do though...
9 :
Chara (internally) : Stars, that kid sure is difficult ! Just continue okay, they are not worth it
Siffrin : ...
10 :
Siffrin : Hey Bonnie ?
Bonnie : Hum ?
Siffrin (internally) : No, no don't say that. They'll ALWAYS be worth it
11 :
Siffrin : What if I tell you that I still have a piece of Toriel's pie in my secret pockets. What d'you say ?
Siffrin (internally) : In every loop, every fun changes, you party will always be more important. If you have to proceed, it will be with them
12 :
Bonnie : ...Well. First, I say that it sounds super gross to keep pie in your pockets just like that
13 :
Bonnie : ...And then I say that I want it
14 :
Siffrin : There you go !
Bonnie : Thanks...
15 :
Siffrin (internally) : ...You know, it's nice to have new interactions with them. They almost became actual persons again, you even remember their names !
16 :
Bonnie : What ? WHAT ?! Why are you laughing ?! You makin' fun of me ?!!
17 :
Siffrin : No no, just thought you look like a bunny when you eat, a "Bonny" hehe. That's cute
Bonnie : GAASP. So you are makin' fun of me !
18 :
Bonnie : But huh, actually, I'm not mad at you somehow, guess it's because of the pie
Siffrin : Oh ? Really ?
Bonnie : Yeah, it's just that good
Siffrin : Huh, good to know
19 :
Bonnie : Yeah yeah, just go back to your place now. And stop being an idiot !
Siffrin (internally) : I guess they are okay now ?
Siffrin : Haha, okay okay
#underthestars#in stars and time#in stars and time crossover#isat#isat crossover#undertale ask blog#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#bonnie isat#isat odile#siffrin#isat mirabelle#mirabelle isat#in stars and time isabeau#odile#in stars and time odile#in stars and time siffrin#undertale#undertale art#undertale fandom#undertale crossover#undertale au#ut au#undertale alternate universe
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Is it normal to be attracted to people who do not share your sexuality? I'm a 19yr old bisexual trans man, and for some reason I keep finding myself crushing on lesbians and I feel really bad about it. I tend to prefer androgynous or masculine styles of presentation regardless of gender, so a lot of the women I'm attracted to end up being butch (or just generally more masc) lesbians because that's just how the demographics play out in my area. I've been scared out of pursuing women in general bc of this, especially since some of my friends say I'm "just like a creepy straight man" for feeling any sort of romantic/sexual attraction for someone who'd never be into me. I try to keep all my thoughts to myself, I never make advances on anyone if I don't already know them in some capacity, and I've been trying so hard to change my preferences so this won't keep happening, but I'm scared my friends are right. I don't want to be viewed as creepy or predatory, but I just don't know how to stop my feelings and I feel like I'm trapped.
It is in fact very, very common to be attracted to people who don't share your sexuality! Most people don't ask others their sexuality before becoming attracted to them, it's not even a factor for most people.
For example, "I fell in love with another straight girl" is a common joke in the sapphic/lesbian community because sexuality is rarely a factor for whether people are attracted to other people and sometimes that can be a little unfortunate.
There's nothing creepy about being attracted to people who aren't into you! As long as you're being appropriate and not harassing anyone, you're fine. You don't even have to "keep it to yourself", its okay to approach people sometimes! Just keep it consensual.
If someone says "back off" or "I don't want to talk right now", back off. You can even ask, "is it okay if I talk to you for a sec?", that's great!
You don't need to stop your feelings. You can't change your sexuality like that and changing your preferences by force doesn't really work.
It's fine for you to be attracted to women, including women who aren't attracted to you. There's nothing wrong or predatory about that.
If your friends keep making comments like that, maybe try telling them they're hurting your feelings. They might not realize and if they keep doing that, those aren't your friends. Those are people bullying you and you need to take some space from that.
I'm not sure if this helps but I hope it does. Let me know if you have any other questions. <3
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𝐃𝐑𝐔𝐌 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐓 ¹⁹⁸⁵
James sat behind Lars' drum kit, pounding away at the skins with a focused intensity. I watched from the side of the room, my eyes roaming hungrily over his muscular frame as he played.
As the last beats of the drum slowly faded, James looked up and locked eyes with me. He could tell that there was a look ablaze in my gaze; I knew this. He smirked and crooked a finger, beckoning me closer.
I didn't waste a single moment. Sashaying over the floor, my hips gave an extra tease of movement. Reaching James, I straddled his lap, pressing my ample chest onto his as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Fuck, I love watching you play," I purred, grinding myself against the growing bulge in his tight jeans.
James chuckled, his hands sliding down to firmly grip my ass. "You're such a fucking tease, babe."
He pulled back slightly, giving me a stern look. "We can't, not now. I need to practice."
The words were firm, but his body screamed otherwise. His cock was throbbing beneath me, begging for some attention. I could feel the heat of it through the denim of his jeans.
I bit my lip, weighing his words before leaning into him closely and whispering in his ear, "But what if I promise to be quiet? And. to help you practice?"
My fingers traced down his chest, teasing along the waistband of his jeans.
"Keep going, baby," I cooed, my hand slipping beneath the hem of his shirt to explore the hot skin of his stomach. "Play for me."
James hesitated a moment, his urge to appease me tugging at his attention as his need to pay attention to the drums. Then he nodded, a resolute look settling on his features.
He commenced playing again, and I started fiddling with the button of his jeans with my free hand. I slid the zipper down, and the thick outline of his erection strained hard against his underwear.
I dug my fingers into the waistband and tugged them down, freeing his cock. It sprang forth, hard and ready. I stroked a few times, always fascinated how warm and smooth in velvety softness it felt.
As I continued to stroke James' impressive length, he struggled to maintain his rhythm on the drums. His hips bucked upwards involuntarily, seeking more of my touch.
"Focus on the music, baby," I whispered, my thumb swirling around the sensitive head of his cock. "Let me take care of you."
He fumbled again regardless of my urging; he missed a beat. A low groan rumbled from his throat as I closed my fist a little tighter, pumping him faster.
"You're so good with your hands," he panted between hits on the snare drum. Beads of sweat formed on his brow from exertion, both physical and otherwise.
The room spun around me as I concentrated on the quest to deliver pleasure to James. My other hand changed direction to cup one of his heavy balls, rolling it harmlessly between my fingers.
"I wanna hear those drums," I breathed into his ear, my breath hot against his skin. "Make me proud."
James licked his lips and tried desperately to focus on the cadence of the drums in front of him. Near impossible, though, with the gorgeous sensations coursing through his body due to my ministrations.
His hips jerked arrhythmically, and I stroked him quicker, my fingers now dancing down his shaft. With every thrust, he went deeper into my grasp as his cock pulsed with need.
The rhythm of the drumming grew slushy, a little loose because James strained to keep control. His breathing turned ragged, his muscles tautening beneath my contact. He was right there, on the edge already.
"Fuck, I'm gonna." he started, trying to warn me, but I didn't let him finish.
"Not yet," I instructed him sternly. "Finish this song first. Then you can come."
I punctuated my command with an especially rough squeeze of his cock.
With an angry growl, James flung his drumsticks aside and whirled me around suddenly. In a single smooth motion he had me bent over the top of the drum set, my breasts squashed up against the cool metal.
James chuckled darkly as he reached around to unfasten my jeans, yanking them down along with my soaked panties in one swift motion. The fabric pooled around my ankles as I found myself exposed and vulnerable, my pussy glistening with arousal.
"Mmm, look at that pretty little cunt," he leered, running a calloused finger through my slick folds. "So wet for me already."
Without warning, he buried two fingers deep inside me, curling them to stroke that needy spot inside. I cried out at the sudden invasion, my hips bucking back against him.
Drawing his fingers from my dripping depths, James brought them to his mouth and licked each digit clean with a low moan of satisfaction. "Tastes even better than I imagined," he said, his voice thick with lust.
He leaned down and placed soft kisses along the curve of my spine, placing himself at my entrance. I felt the head of his cock tease at my slit, positioned to dive into me.
"Ready for this?" he asked, the breath hot on my skin.
Without waiting for an answer, James slammed into me with one powerful thrust, burying himself to the hilt in my tight heat. I screamed in ecstasy, my nails scrabbling against the drum heads for purchase as he stretched me deliciously.
From the outset, he set a brutal pace, pounding into me in such a manner that elicited reckless abandon. The obscenest flesh slap to flesh sound reverberated within the room, mingling with our moaning of pleasure.
James dug his fingers into my hips hard enough to bruise and took me from behind, grunting with every powerful thrust. I shoved backward against him with enthusiasm, meeting him halfway.
"So fucking tight," he growled, angling his hips to hit that perfect spot inside me with every stroke. "Gonna fill this sweet cunt with my cum."
"Thought you wanted to see me play," James panted, his thrusts growing erratic as he neared his climax. "This is what happens when you distract me."
Each word was punctuated by a deep thrust, driving his cock even deeper into my clenching walls.
"Take it like a good girl," he said gruffly, his palm landing with a loud smack on my ass cheek.
I whimpered in pain and pleasure, my pussy clamping down on him tightly. Tears stung my eyes at the burn, but I wouldn't dare stop him. I needed this release too much.
"Cum for me," James growled, reaching around to rub furious circles over my swollen clit. "Show me what a slutty little tease you are."
And at his command, my orgasm crashed over me like a tidal wave. I came undone with a scream, my vision going white as pure ecstasy consumed me. My entire body shook in the force of my climax, waves of pleasure radiating out from where we were joined.
Behind me, James uttered a guttural moan, burying himself to the root as he erupted inside me. Thick ropes of cum painted my insides, marking me as his.
James collapsed against my back, his hot breath fanning across my neck as he struggled for breath. Our bodies shook with aftershocks, still intimately entwined.
After a moment he pulled out with a wet pop and his spent cock slid free from my fluttering pussy. A bit of semen dribbled down my thighs, testimony to the strength of our coupling.
James straightened up, smirking down at me in male triumph. "Hope that was worth the distraction," he said, tucking himself back into his pants.
#mustainegf#fanfiction#fanfic#reqs open#metallica#request#metallica fanfiction#metallica x reader#metallica fluff#james hetfield#james hetfield fic#james hetfield x you#james hetfield x oc#james hetfield fluff#james hetfield smut#james hetfield x reader#james hetfield imagines#james hetfield fanfiction#metallica oneshot#metallica smut#metallica imagines
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Lying in your arms, so safe and warm
Pairing: Andy Barber x fem!Reader
Summary: After spending Father’s Day with Andy’s son and your newborn daughter, you'd like to give him one last gift once you're alone, but maybe you're not ready yet. (Longer version of this ask I answered in June.)
Warnings: Talking about SEX
Word count: ~800
a/n: We’re celebrating Father’s Day in October and we're gonna like it damnit!! This is ~technically~ part of this series, but can be read alone.
It’s your first night alone in nearly three months.
Jacob so graciously offered to take Evren for the night after the long day the four of you had and neither you or Andy could object to that.
It's late now. Andy thinks you're in the bathroom getting ready for bed, your usual routine.
He’s talking out loud as he strips his own clothes off in search for something comfier.
“It's so quiet here without Evie,” he chuckles, shaking his head to himself. “I don't think I remembered what this was like… I know it's only been a few months, but—”
When the bathroom door opens, he looks over his shoulder and short circuits stops mid-sentence as he watches you walk into the room.
“Wow…”
Evidently, he forgot how to pick his jaw up off the floor.
His eyes follow from your soft smile, down your body, admiring the silk and lace cami and shorts set that you haven't worn since before you were pregnant.
He used to joke it's one of his favorites because it's easy to slip off of you.
His eyes come back up to meet yours as you step toward him.
“You talk too much for me to remember the quiet, by the way,” you quip, having heard his every thought albeit the door separating the two of you.
You lean in to kiss him and he laughs against your lips, pulling you closer.
“What are you doin’?” He mumbles, bringing a hand up to caress the side of your face. “Hm?”
Pulling away enough to look at him, he doesn't miss the teasing glint in your eyes.
“Didn't think I'd let Father’s Day end without giving you one more gift, did you?”
You don't have to ask him twice—or at all—to get in bed with you.
It's like he's a step ahead of you, blindly moving closer to the bed to pull you down with him.
“Andy,” you laugh, landing on top of him.
Your fingers brush through his hair as his lips meet yours again. The kisses are deeper now, slower and more breath-taking — ones you feel like you haven't had time for in ages.
He's sure as hell not going to complain if making out is all you do tonight, but he has an inkling you had a plan for more.
However, he knows your body and he can tell you're not completely relaxed. He’s well aware it's been a while and rushing you is the last thing he wants to do, but he can feel you're holding back.
To see if it's a matter of needing him to take the pressure off a little bit and take the lead, he moves the hand he has resting on your thigh up higher, over your hip to push the soft fabric of your top up.
Your heart races even faster than it already is when you feel the warm palm of his hand against your side, his thumb stroking against the skin of your stomach.
The hand you have on his cheek slips down to his wrist to keep him from undressing you any further.
He breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against yours.
“It’s okay if you're not ready,” he whispers.
You let out a sad-sounding laugh. “That sounds familiar.”
He said those exact words to you the night after your first date. You froze in bed then too.
He can't help but smile. “I meant it then just like I mean it now.”
“I know,” you sigh, dropping your face to hide against his neck.
He smooths your top back down to cover you, moving on to rubbing your back instead.
“I'm not an animal, honey,” he jokes. “I can go a few months without sex.”
Frustrated with yourself, you let out a deep breath.
“I'm sorry,” you say quietly. “I've never been self-conscious with you… I don't get it. I just wanna feel like myself again.”
“You will,” he assures. “Don't apologize.”
Through the silence that settles between the two of you, he finally feels you relax against him. He can't help continuing his mission to make you feel better.
“I've changed too, you know. I'm no spring chicken…”
“Please,” you scoff. “You're just as sexy as the day I met you. It's not fair.”
“I could say the same about you,” he promises, hugging you tighter.
You sniffle and he feels a twinge in his heart knowing you don't quite believe him right now.
“Sorry,” you exhale, not letting yourself cry. “It's your day and you're the one comforting me.”
“That's what I'm here for,” he whispers. “Always.”
Tag list: @patzammit @thummbelina @pppsssyyyccchhhiiiccc @astheskycries @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @turtoix @harrysthiccthighss @mrspeacem1nusone @geminievans1 @doozywoozy @americasass91 @dwights-new-plague @wwwmarissa92 @redhairedfeistynerd @whxre4cevans @aubreeskailynn @xoxabs88xox @before-we-get-started @chrissquares @christowhore @ice-dtae @mariestark @rogersbarber @dilfbarber @payperhearts @vintagestarlight @miss-ariella @bemysugarbean @t-stark35 @seitmai @reginaphalange2403 @raelorns21 @mrsgweasley @pandaxnienke @brandycranby
#andy barber#andy barber x reader#andy barber fanfiction#andy barber x you#chris evans x reader#chris evans fanfiction#andy barber smut#a great mentor series
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day 28, chapter 76:
At the expression on Quintus' face Cliopher could take no more. He started laughing before he made it out of the room, though the loudest whoops came after he'd reached the hallway. He did not get far along, just sank down at the top of the stairs so he could try to muffle his mirth with his hands. ~ "Your family seems somewhat perturbed," Rhodin observed after a few minutes.
and bonus gallery shot + musings under the cut because it's been exactly 4 weeks now:
fun to see what kinds of patterns intentionally or unintentionally crop up... or also which days i can tell i was busy vs which days i had time or worked in advance to dedicate more time to the piece. if anyone's curious, on average one of these might take me 2-3 hours to complete! more detailed ones like october 23 i think probably took me closer to 5 hours, simpler ones like october 9 maybe 1.5h.
i am both sad and glad it's almost over--i've definitely lost a fair amount of sleep trying to get these done in time (usually i work a day ahead so i can post at a reasonable time, but that hasn't always worked out, especially in the final stretch here), so this pace does become untenable on top of work, but it also is really fun to make so much art! and to always have something to work on rather than becoming trapped into that idea of 'what should i do, too many choices, can't decide..' the answer is always inktober!
in any case, seeing the gallery like this is also interesting to me because it really helps me realize where i could have/should have pushed the ink a bit more--working in ink is (to me; this is definitely not gospel, just how i consider ink work) an exercise in controlling contrast. you don't have colour to drive edges or cool/warm tones, so the only value you have is the light-dark contrast, and in my mind at least, good use of contrast should carry across to a smaller format. for example, zoomed out like this i can see that october 11th really needed more contrast in the feathers--they blend too much into the background in a way that doesn't really work to emphasize that ludvic is standing in front of the candles there. otoh, on october 5, i think that one's fine because what i wanted was for the moon to draw the eye first, and THEN for you to notice HR sitting there.
overall, also, i want to keep these interesting--if the compositions are always the same, then it can become repetitive or boring, so i wanted a good mix of light and dark compositions, and a good balance of tone across all of them. which so far i'm pleased with! and this year i let myself use pencil undersketches and do thumbnail planning and everything (last year i really wanted to get better at visualizing the piece in my head so i set the challenge of just committing straight to paper... i'm still happy with last year's but you can tell i took on much more challenging compositions this year lol)
anyway!! much to think about, so much to learn, i wanted to work a bit in advance again so i won't be putting tomorrow's up almost at midnight again but alas i think it was not meant to be, so i'm off to bed and if you read this whole thing, congrats, have a cookie *hands you a cookie*
#the hands of the emperor#hands of the emperor#cliopher mdang#rhodin an gaiange#hote#nine worlds#inktober24#inktober
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3.187 Passing the keys
That night, I went back to the rental website to fill the vacancy because it didn't make sense to wait. The house had been sitting all this time, waiting to generate income for us, and it was past time I did something about it. I decided to rent to the older gentlemen, but his application was no longer available. I was kind of bummed because I had already formed a picture in my mind of what he would be like based on the information he shared on the application, and now I'd have to start over. The plus side is that I found a young family like I originally wanted, so I accepted their application right away. In the morning, I got a notification saying they had moved in already, so I went over there after breakfast to introduce myself and get to know them. The application stated they were a married couple with twin infants. The house wasn't exactly setup for two babies, but they can make it work.
As I approached the door, I overheard them arguing, and my whole body tensed up. They reminded me of Mama's friends, who stayed with us and argued literally day and night. I hope to the Watcher these two are not like that. I pressed my ear to the door to see if I could get an idea of what the issue was. It turns out the woman was flustered because she saw a lost dog who needed help but ignored it. She felt guilty about it and wanted to go back and find the dog, but the husband didn't get it. He was very dismissive and said dogs get lost all the time and it was none of her business if someone can't keep track of their animal. Oh boy. This better not be a bad omen. I knocked, hoping to interrupt him berating her, and they let me in. Owen and Jilliana Sage are their names. Owen works at a store and seemed to have a good sense of humor, so maybe he's not so bad. Jilliana is more serious and super smart. She works at the space center, but I don't remember what she said she does there.
She tried to introduce me to the babies, Xavier and Zahava, but they both started screaming because Owen had the TV way too loud. Xavier calmed down enough to let me hold him, though. He was so tiny and made me miss Desiree at that age. I didn't intend to spend the day with them, and they clearly had things to do, so I told them to call me if they needed anything and made my exit.
I had to pass by Chi Chi's house on the way back home, so I stopped by to tell her we were moving to Gibbs Gardens soon. She was bummed about not being around the corner from us anymore, but relieved we weren't leaving the city. Behind her eyes, however, there seemed to be more than just disappointment at losing her favorite neighbor. I asked if something was wrong, and in Chi Chi-like fashion, I got way more than I bargained for.
As she began this tale, my initial reaction was to beat myself up again about not being a good friend because the details of her story started a while ago. But I stopped those thoughts before my brain ran away with them. We all have super busy lives. No one has time to be involved at such a granular level anymore, and no one is expecting us to know everything. I am a good friend, and I don't have to know every detail to prove it. Come to think about it, my friends—minus Dub—know less about me than I know about them. Needless, I'm done with stressing myself about this.
Chi Chi's woes began with her birthday a few weeks back. Like many women her age (especially when they are as fine as she is), she didn't handle the adult birthday well. Of course, she knew her body would change, but like me, seeing it hit differently. Between that and the little lines creeping from the corners of her eyes and across her forehead, she's feeling frumpy. I almost laughed. She is still one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Frumpy where?? She would turn heads wearing a paper bag. I bet she could gain 300 pounds, shave off her hair, and still have a trail of thirsty men following her everywhere. Still, if the aging stuff was the only thing she had to deal with, she would be fine in time. The problem is all her other worries reinforce the aging issues, and she is struggling. The short version of the story is her life has not turned out how she imagined. She once told me she wanted to remarry and have more kids, but all the dates she's been on led nowhere. Now, as an adult, she's thinking about giving up on that dream, especially when she's about to be a grandmother! Karmine, her daughter, is grown grown now. She moved her boyfriend into the house without even discussing it. Then, she got pregnant and moved out, so Chi Chi is all alone in the house with nothing but these crushing thoughts to keep her company, and she's not doing that great.
I had no idea if it would help, but I decided to share my midlife crisis story. It felt wrong at first because I never told Sophia I was struggling, but if Chi Chi can walk away feeling better, the discomfort will be worth it. Even though her story is different, I identified with everything she said because I realized life rarely turns out exactly how we plan. The reason is because we never factor in trouble or change. Our plans are always perfect and positive. When change and trouble comes, we feel out of control, like our world is falling apart. But the world isn't falling apart. It's the same as it always was. We just haven't taken off our rose-colored glasses yet.
I told Chi Chi everything would be okay, and she should look at it from a positive perspective. Because she's not starting a new family, and is an empty nester, she's got so much extra time to do all those bucket list things she's been looking forward to. And since she won't have any young children to raise, she has time to time to be super grandma and help her daughter through those oh so difficult first two stages. She's still really young and can reinvent herself if she wanted. And when love finally finds her again, and I believe it will, it will be all about them with no one else coming between them. They'll grow old together and be annoyingly in love.
Like I said, I have no clue if my little pep talk helped, but at least I left her smiling. Kinda like grieving, she'll find her way to accepting her new normal, and when she does, she'll appreciate the picture I painted for her.
#ISBI challenge#sims 4 story#sims 4 gameplay#adolting#adolting gen 3#luca winston murillo#owen and sage#xochitl luna#tenant drama courtesy of eavesdropping and secrets lol
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Don't mind me, I'll just be here obsessively ruminating about all the emotions I'm experiencing from The Artful Dodger and trying not to think about how often the shows I love the most are canceled.
#the artful dodger#the artful dodger hulu#jack dawkins#belle fox#i went into it like 'you always watch stuff that doesn't get enough promotion and only survives one season so have NO hopes'#and now i can't help myself because i need more of it!!#uggghhh#personal#td#mamma mia here i go again
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Blind side (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Gaster#Sans closing his good eye every once in a while and keeping his blind eye open - obviously he does so in-game as well so it's a style-match#It's just interesting in the context of him being textually-confirmed blind in Handplates hehe#There's a level of vulnerability there! Not more than closing both eyes around someone - and potentially also distrust!#''I'm baring myself blind right now but /you/ don't need to know that'' - it suits him ♪#Especially when he does it around Papyrus! Because obviously Papyrus knows about his partial blindness#But when he's trying to be duplicitous - the way he looks at him sidelong with his blind eye when he's trying to lie unsuccessfully ugh <3#And again-again it being about how much he trusts Papyrus! That he can be a little lazy or spacey and Papyrus will help him!#Also something about his entire right side being impaired - pawing around with his plated hand for something he can't see on that side#The dynamics! Internal and external! Very good like them lots#And then there's Gaster lol ♪ Throw him into the mix I'm sure it won't make a mess at all haha#I guess he's visiting? Just spacing out - he and Sans have a lot on their minds - separately haha#I do love how Sans pushes Gaster to be kind to Papyrus - very deservedly! He wants Papyrus to be happy of course#And he's obviously still angry with Gaster a lot but how might that present itself when Papyrus is Papyrus at Gaster hehe#Even just in that small jokey way of ''you tryin' to step on my turf?'' hehehe#Especially since the comparison wouldn't even come up if he had two functioning eyes hm?? Right Gaster???? Lol#Speaking of that scene and Sans' partial blindness tho ughhughuhg <3 <3 The fact that Sans stands with Gaster to his blind side#It's the vulnerability/distaste/confidence of it all! He's grown up so much it's all right there in how he holds himself#That he either trusts Gaster enough not to attack him - starting to believe him - or that he has enough faith in himself to protect himself#And only looking at him with his peripherals unless he looks directly at him hghhhgh I am Normal about shot composition I swear lol#Also I like how that last panel turned out lol - Sans just appears at the bottom of the steps like how's it going. care to gtfo thx
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here's 18-19 year old aang sketches. been hearing aang is ugly discourse—no he ain't. he was just 12.
#i really wanted to take part in zukaang bingo but the urge to art struck me a little later#i still might make something else later#enough art for now#i'd try to participate in maiko week but i'm not sure#it's smack in the middle of end semester exams#ink blot#avatar fanart#avatar the last airbender#atla#artists on tumblr#fanart#avatar aang#why did i never use the pencil brush before?!?! i seriously have a personality flaw where i just don't explore stuff.#can you believe i've been using the same fucking brush for lineart ever since i started digital art?#anyways! i don't know how the pencil brush would feel like if i go for colours but this is impeccable.#I have more control over stuff and i love the result#so#i have promised myself i'd be fucking off this hellsite because i have a huge backlog of work that needs to be done#and i'm presently suffering from “can't help but art”. so#yeah. y'all would probably see me around maiko week. byeee!#if i deprive myself of drawing for too long it bursts out of me like this where i do nothing but draw#not healthy at all
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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how did my professor recommend me The Color of Outer Space
and I found the whole ass wrong book
its about a farm??? I was reading space travel what did I do
#makes more sense why prof was like yah know i hate the author but damn its a good spook#oh hp lovecraft#ill piss on your grave but also#i can like#relate to being terrified of the world but he handled it in the worst god damn way possible#the evil is not only in what you dont understand its in you to!! much better sorce of stories#my goal in life is to honestly do his shit better#which is setting myself up for failure#but like#cosmic horror is in us#its the fact we can do terrible things but other people Do Terrible tihngs and trying to understand Why is a worse abyss than any darkness#because no matter Why they are doing something Now#understanding can Possibly help the future pervent things#or just cause another horror#this is not well thought thoughts but a man annoyed his hands hurt and he cant draw#aaaa#also if you read this far#any movie recs?? i want spook but not home intrusion unless its like- cartoony?? does that make sense?? or like Really Dramatic not possibl#not like Hush#is that the name?? she can't talk... or she can't hear??fuck i watched it awhile ago#i liked it alot but i also am jumpy enough so dont need help with That rn#i havent seen most#maybe i should just watch carrie
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sometimes i think about killing myself just so my family will be free of the burden that is me and finally leave the country.
#random thoughts#but that's another selfish thought. both my mother and my brother now have told me i am selfish.#and selfish to rather want to kill myself than improve on myself. i don't know how to improve.#my brother says all i care about is myself. and my friends. and that i'd rather have my friends than my family be happy.#which sometimes yes i would. i'm selfish enough to forget about my family all the time.#i need to improve but i don't know how. someone who is almost two years younger claims to be more emotionally intelligent.#and it's true. is it? i don't know.#i don't know. how to improve. i feel both too young and too old to know how.#i'll talk to my therapist again soon. but i can't because help from others will cause chaos.#and i can't talk to people because they won't listen. but do i even understand what i'm saying?#and i can't cut myself because that's selfish also.#i don't know if i want to even leave because i have so many friends that love me and i love them too.#more than my family? selfish selfish selfish.#all i am is someone who wants to please. so people will like me.#so that i feel good about myself. no. so that they feel good about themselves#so i make them feel good. i want to do that.#but first i need to leave them.#and earlier i wanted to cry but i was in the presence of my mother. and so we embraced.#i feel worse than ever like i am back in august.#i can't be fixed i can't be saved. can we get to the good part already now.
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#got a cardio appt in the morning that's too early to sleep before and too late not to fuck up my schedule so that's going to be fun#and im worried about it#I'm only mildly worried about there being something wrong#but i am worried about getting on the 'furher testing' railroad because i have NO spare energy for more medical shit right now#im dealing with like 3 other specialists right now AND therapy and I don't have a car#and also i just can't do more than 2 appts a month AND deal with prescription bullshit and the inevitable clinic fuckups#just that much messes me up#i do not need more#god help me if something IS wrong because I absolutely do not have the spoons or the ability to deal with interventions#or god save me '''''lifestyle changes'''''' which they offer NO material support for but for which I need material support#ugh#i want to get this checked out but it had better be nothing just like last time#im also having one of those evenings where my hands are so unsteady i can't do fine work at all#but at least i got myself into the studio for a while even if i wound up doing something else
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crippling anxiety hours let's go
#a biscuit's rambles#theres a presentation due tomorrow we did Not prepare#and my partner is super anxious and the type to Need Perfect Grades#and she had a question and tried to call me several times and i saw too late and texted i was here now but then stupid whatsapp didnt tell#me when she called again so now i feel horrible#and honestly this presentation can go fuck itself i literally could not care less#im trying to do at least the tiniest minimum of Something for my friend but gosh. i do Not want to#just can't bloody get myself to do anything#doesn't help that i Know shell handle it because. she cant not without getting Way Too Stressed Out#i dont wanna leave her hanging with all the work like that but gosh im so tired#i just. cant. idk#on the bright side i did listen to a couple more tma episodes so thats something i suppose that was fun#........... i really need to do less stuff#i dont have a single free weekend for all of april and the beginning of may#goodbye emotional stability it was so nice to have known you even if for just a short while
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