#and now i'm experiencing Emotional Devastation at every corner!

[mauriooo]

just finished arc 2 of our wonderland

[lundenloves]

fatherhood II

*Standing on a soap box, pointing at every one of you.* I will not be responsible for the tears passed in this piece of written emotional catastrophe. It simply had to be done. Simon meeting his daughter for the first time. It's canon. Leave me alone! *Runs away*

↳ no warnings | f!reader | 1.2k

part one | dad!simon masterlist

i may as well be running from lions at this rate, i cannot believe this. yes i can. no one talk to me or ask me the colour of anything for at least twelve days. sigh.

Having a baby sleeping on his chest was not on Simon Riley’s bingo cards for this year. His own baby at that.

Ironically, it was like learning to walk all over again. Having a little person who was completely dependent on you was something he couldn’t fathom at all until the time came. And boy, did it come, straight to the deep end he was.

It started when he was stood on the doorstep to his own home, two days late, taking deep breaths and roughing his hair in attempts to alleviate the bubbling anxiety. He was mentally beating himself up for the fucking career he’d chosen, and the hardships that came with time. Time he wouldn’t get back.

“Fuck sake, Simon.” Came a mutter to himself, slapping one hand of motivation to his cheek before reaching to turn the handle. Baby cries were audible from outside, his jaw tightening at the sound. He hadn’t been home in two weeks. Many an argument had passed to get time off although it just simply wasn’t an option. Forcing his wife to give birth alone bar her family. Christ.

He stepped into the house quietly, as if subconsciously on a fucking stakeout. A shaky sigh came when he’d leant against the wall, dropping his bag and shutting the door behind him.

It was a lot and he hadn’t even met her yet.

His daughter.

A rush of guilt panged in his chest and forced the steps he took toward the living-room. His broad shoulders filled the doorframe, in complete contrast to the tiny baby who lay in your arms.

His cold heart attempted to ignite a spark at the sight, kickstarting a warmth that didn’t quite come. Not until you had caught sight of him and instantaneously teared up. It was like all hell had broken loose in his chest, experiencing emotions he hadn’t felt in years. Still, he couldn’t speak, nor move.

You brought her to him, standing up and pressing your forehead against his chest. “You don’t need to say anything.” He nodded quietly, looking down at the baby in your arms. The inner corners of his eyebrows had raised, jaw tensing and loosening between seconds.

You could practically see the thoughts race through his mind. Good and bad.

“Stop worrying, you’re home now.” His shirt had a central wet patch from your silent tears.

You weren’t going to tell him how it was hell, how awful it was that he wasn’t around, and just how much you cried the night you got home with her. Welcomed by an empty house and darkness.

“Simon.” You said weakly, looking up at him and catching the gloss of his dark eyes. He was just as devastated about the whole thing. “Don’t think about it. It’s over. We have her, she’s safe, I'm safe.”

He nodded slowly, eyes unmoved from the baby below him. “Do you want to hold her?” Your voice came as a whisper, aware of his anxieties.

“I don’t know how.” He cleared his throat, looking back up to you. The hardness in his eyes was still there, although exposed by the sheen of upset that threatened to spill. You’d never seen him cry. Not once in the seven years of being together.

You smiled a little at him, a quivering one at best. “You just have to support her head.” Your arms lifted toward his, lightly adjusting his positions before handing your daughter toward her father.

And fuck, did it hit you then.

Stepping back, you made an effort to mentally photograph the scene in front of you. His eyes cast down to the baby in his arms, holding her as if she could break any second. The large palm of his hand was bigger than her whole body, supporting her with his arm although she barely used a forearm's worth of space. Her little hands raised upward, entirely relaxed in his arms as opposed to the crying he had walked in on.

His energy had entirely calmed her down.

“How do you feel?” You sucked your lips inward, both hands on your head to calm the maddening amount of emotion running through your stomach.

His eyes remained fixed on his daughter, still frozen in the position you had put him in. “I don’t know.” He admitted, voice as deep as ever although it had a strain to it.

You nodded. “That’s okay.”

The two of you shared a silence for a minute or two, just entirely in the moment for your daughter and the small babbles she made every now and then. The only consistent sound was her breathing, only audible for the dead silence in the house.

He shifted, “Are you alright?”

You rubbed your arm, looking up at him to find his eyes already on yours. “Mhm.” It was the truth, although he was evidently searching for a different answer. “Just glad you’re home.”

“Have you slept much?”

“Not really. But that’s okay.” The sweet tone of your voice made his shoulders drop, arms relax and his eyes soften. Well, until the baby began to cry and he tensed up all over again, silently panicking while looking to you. “Relax, Si.”

He screwed his face, letting her small hand curl weakly around his finger in hopes she would stop crying. “She’s fine. You’re fine.” A warm laugh escapes you and a slight smile plays on his lips at the sound. “She’s just tired.”

He pushed his arms toward you, gesturing you take her back. He was tired. You could see it in his eyes, “She’s still crying.”

“I couldn’t hear that.” You quip and he tsks, holding his arms out a little further. “Sit with her, it’ll be easier on your arms.” It was a thing for you, wanting him to have her in his arms as often as he could and not scare himself away.

He gave you a predictably unsure look before moving to the sofa. Each step he took was cautious to not stir her even further, sitting down slowly. You leant against the dining table, looking at him from across the room as he mumbled words you couldn’t hear to the baby in his arms.

When he had relaxed, she too calmed down. The steady breathing of his chest created a rise and fall that drifted her to sleep, small fingers still wrapped around his the best they could.

“Are you alright if I shower?”

He looked up in your direction, a flash of a panic appeared across his features. “What do I do if she wakes up?” His glance directed back down to the unthreatening baby in his arms.

“Just talk to her, like you just did.” You walked over, leaning down over the back of the sofa to press a kiss to his cheek. “I know it’s hard, but don’t think about it too much.” Hands placed on his shoulders, massaging into his collarbones.

He hummed in response.

“I’ll be ten minutes.”

Simon only lasted three. Three minutes of staring down at his daughter, alone and full of emotion for her but it wasn’t willing to come out just yet. Fatigue had taken over and by the time you had gotten back, ready to put her down for the night, she was already deep in sleep along with her father.

She was on his chest, arm raised upward to his neck where her tiny fingers touched his skin. His head tilted to the back of the sofa, two hands supporting her while soft snores left him.

Fatherhood.

reblogs and comments are very much appreciated! i’ll sit in a hole if no one pats me on the head every now and then.

taglist? fill out this form.

[valkyriexo]

Nightmares

ᑉ³pairing; Minho x Reader

ᑉ³genre; Angst, Comfort,

ᑉ³warnings; Nightmares. Death of a loved one

ᑉ³Authors Note; Edited! Please let me know if there are any warnings I am missing!

In the stillness of the night, with the world cloaked in darkness, you found yourself tangled in the grip of a nightmare. Images flickered before your closed eyes, twisted and unsettling. You shifted around in your bed, unable to shake the disturbing images dancing before your closed eyes, each flicker more twisted and unsettling than the last, dragging you deeper into a realm of terror.

With a sudden, desperate gasp, you jolted awake, your heart hammering against your rib cage like a frantic drumbeat. Beads of sweat dotted your brow, and shivers rippled through your trembling frame as fragments of the nightmare clung stubbornly to your consciousness. 

In the aftermath, a profound sense of loss weighed heavily upon your chest. The nightmare had unraveled a harrowing scenario in which you faced the death of your boyfriend, Minho. Waves of grief, sorrow, and fear crashed over you, leaving you feeling vulnerable and adrift in the wake of imagined tragedy.

As you struggled to steady your racing pulse and dispel the lingering echoes of the nightmare, loss loomed large in your thoughts. The fear of abandonment chewed at the edges of your consciousness, leaving you grappling with the profound and haunting impact of the dream's emotional aftermath.

As you lay there, dealing with the residual emotions of the nightmare, the darkness of the night seemed to press in around you. Every creak of the house, every whisper of the wind outside, felt like ominous echoes of the horrors you had just experienced in your dream.

With trembling hands, you reached out into the darkness, seeking the comforting presence of your boyfriend Minho, hoping and praying he was by your side. 

But the bed beside you lay empty.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you grappled with the profound fear of losing those closest to you. The thought of facing such a devastating reality was almost unbearable, sending tendrils of dread snaking through your veins.

Was it really just a dream, or was it real?

Each moment dragged on as you struggled with the thought, replaying in your mind. Despite your desperate need for reassurance, the silence of the night offered no solace, only deepening your doubts.

You began to cry, unable to stop the sobs from escaping.

But then, a soft light pierced through the darkness as the door cracked open, and your partner Minho stepped into the room, his concerned gaze instantly locking onto you. "Y/N?" His voice was gentle, filled with love and reassurance. "Sweetheart, I heard you scream. Is everything alright?"

His presence was like a beacon of warmth and reassurance, casting aside the shadows that had threatened to engulf you.

"Minho" You replied, unable to hide the trembling in your voice

He crossed the room in swift strides, wrapping you in his warm embrace. "Oh, baby…"

His touch was comforting, his fingers running soothingly through your hair. "Bad dream?"

Unable to speak, you nodded, tears still streaming down your cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay… You're safe now," he murmured, his voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. "It wasn't real."

You clung to him, finding solace in his arms as he held you close. His steady heartbeat, a rhythm of love and comfort, echoed against your chest, grounding you in the present moment. With each breath he took, you felt the remnants of the nightmare loosen their grip on your mind.

"You- Yo- You.. died, Minho," You choked out between sobs, your voice trembling with the weight of the nightmare. "And you left me. And I was alone - "

"Shhhh... It's okay. I'm here. I'm safe," Minho's voice was a soothing melody in the midst of my turmoil, his arms wrapping around you in a tight embrace.

You nestled your face against his chest, finding solace in the warmth of his presence. "But it felt so real," you whispered, your words muffled by his shirt. "And then I woke up, and you were gone."

Minho held you close, his touch gentle as he stroked your back. "I know, love. But it was just a dream," he murmured, his voice laced with reassurance. "I just woke up to grab some water," he said, gesturing towards the bottle in his hand as you now noticed it.

"I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

You clung to him, the remnants of the nightmare slowly fading away in the comfort of his arms. "I'm sorry," you sniffled, tears still staining your cheeks. Minho's hands moved with a soothing rhythm, tracing delicate patterns across your skin as he tenderly cradled you in his embrace.

"Don't be sorry," Minho whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. "You're not alone. I'm here for you, always."

With each word he spoke, you felt the weight of your fears begin to lift, replaced by a sense of security and love. At that moment, wrapped in Minho's embrace, you knew that no matter the nightmares that haunted your dreams, he would always be there to chase them away.

ઇଓ M.LIST | Ko-Fi | Taglist | Thank you for your support ♡ | Consider leaving a comment, reblog or like ♡ | © 2024 Valkyriexo 

[lonniemachin]

Ahmed reached out to me to help share his fundraiser. He is urgently trying to raise money to help evacuate his displaced family from Gaza. He has currently made $14,415 out of his $80,000 goal! Please donate, and if you can’t donate, please share!

From Ahmed’s GFM:

Hello everyone, my name is Ahmed Abuzaid I live in Richmond TX I'm fundraising on behalf of our in-laws Al Madhoun family from Gaza. The family from Gaza faced multiple forced evacuations, each more difficult than the last. They walked 17 kilometers from the north to the south of Gaza, surviving bombings and snipers along the way. Upon reaching the Nusirat Camp, they discovered their home had been destroyed by Israeli forces. They found shelter with relatives, lacking basic necessities such as water, food, and clothing, they had nothing but their national IDs and passports.

Al Madhoun family: Khaled Almadhoun (59) is a hypertensive who is currently struggling to afford his life-saving medication. Unfortunately, his medication was lost last month, leaving him without vital treatment especially as he recently underwent a coronary angiography. Elham (56) is a dedicated housewife who selflessly cares for her entire family around the clock. Despite her tireless efforts, she carries the weight of worry for the future on her shoulders. I am highlighting the story of a passionate and ambitious dentist Fatmaalzahra (26), who devoted her skills to serving refugees through UNRWA. Unfortunately, she is now facing unemployment as a result of the catastrophic circumstances. Mahmoud(31) is a devoted employee who has served with Mercy Corps (Gaza Sky Geeks) for over 5 years. Unfortunately, his contract has been interrupted due to the ongoing conflict. Amidst these challenges, his pregnant wife, Wisam (26), is living in constant fear as many hospitals are out of service. They also have a 3-year-old son named Daniel who needs care and protection. Mohammed(33) is a talented graphic designer who has lost his source of income due to the lack of electricity and internet during the conflict. His wife Sally (27) and their young sons, Khaled (6) and Zain (3) have already experienced the devastating impact of multiple conflicts. This family is struggling to make ends meet and provide for their children during these challenging times. Despite multiple evacuations, they continued to face hardships and injuries. With little resources and a desperate will to survive, Fatmaalzahra and her family were forced to evacuate to Deir-Al Balah. During their evacuation, tragedy struck as a neighboring house was brought to the ground, causing Fatmaalzahra to sustain severe injuries to her head, arm, and shoulder from sharp debris. The once-skilled dentist now faced a grim reality as her dominant hand was affected, hindering her ability to perform her work and earn a living. Despite the physical and emotional scars she would carry from that fateful day, Fatmaalzahra refused to give up hope. With determination and resilience, she slowly began to heal from her wounds, knowing that the memories of that traumatic experience would always be a part of her. She emerged from the ashes of destruction, a testament to her strength and unwavering spirit in the face of adversity.

With no time to mourn and nothing left to lose, they are desperately seeking refuge with over 30 individuals in a cramped room that lacks even the most basic necessities. There is no electricity, no water, and no food or medicine available to them, leaving them in a constant struggle for survival. They have lost all hope of finding a safe place within Gaza. Every corner of Gaza is fraught with danger, leaving them with no option but to evacuate to the overcrowded city of Rafah. However, even in Rafah, finding shelter is a challenge as the only available option is unaffordable. People are forced to sleep on the streets in the harsh rainy weather, with children suffering in the freezing temperatures. They are far from their destroyed home, unable to return, and constantly on the move from the North to the South with no safe place to shelter. The situation is dire, and their desperation grows with each passing day.

Despite their already dire circumstances, they have been battling illness for the past three months without access to medical treatment. The pollution, lack of clean water, and scarcity of basic essentials only compound their suffering. With nowhere safe to shelter in Gaza, Almadhoun's family hopes to get out of Gaza legally through the Rafah port. They have registered their name on an exit list. However, with barely any money left they can’t afford to travel to Egypt and start a new life from scratch, the funds from your donations will be used to pay for travel expenses and help them start a new life outside of Gaza, away from the constant danger and uncertainty they have faced. The family is relying on the generosity of others to help them begin a new life and find a place of safety and stability. They have faith in relocating with your generous assistance.

Your donations cover:

-passport fees to renew and issue new ones

-visa paperwork

-Rafah border fees

-document transfers

-necessities (water. food, baby supplies)

-Transportation (buses, trains, taxis)

-Hotels, apartment accommodations

-Food, clothes, shoes, medicine

-School tuitions, uniforms and supplies for children

Your generosity can make a real difference in the lives of these individuals who are in desperate need of help. By contributing, you are providing them with a chance at a brighter future and the opportunity to live in safety and peace. Your support is invaluable and will be greatly appreciated by those who are struggling to survive in the Gaza Strip. Please consider making a donation or sharing their story to help them get the assistance they need. Thank you for your compassion and willingness to make a positive impact on the lives of others.

On behalf of the Almadhoun family, thank you for considering extending a helping hand to this family facing uncertainty and fear. Thank you for being a beacon of hope in times of darkness.

[greycaelum]

Hi Grey, sorry if I'm bothering you. This is not a writing request or anything, just some rants. Still, I will be truly grateful if you read them.

To be honest, I feel pathetic writing you this, but I just need someone to vent to, or else I’ll go insane for real, as I've been depressed and restless ever since the last release of JJK, and you’re probably the person who understands closely to how I feel right now. After all, you actually are the person who made me fall deeper for this character.

So, let me take you back to the start.

I was bored. Until one day, I stumbled upon JJK on Netflix and ended up binge-watching all of the episodes in SS1 in one go. Since I don’t have much time to catch up on the manga from the beginning, I usually read spoilers on sites anonymously and somehow found your page despite not owning a Tumblr account. (I started reading manga from the episode where Satoru got out of the seal.)

Yes, I was indeed fond of Satoru before reading your works. However, I became obsessed with the version of Satoru you beautifully portrayed in the Kaleidoscope Series. I even got a baby fever. Me, the one who hates kids, pledged to myself that this bloodline would end with me.

In addition, the more I read, the more I became infatuated with him.

I told my bestie who also writes fanfic about how I love Satoru from your lenses. She told me that I should tell you this, as it would make a writer happy to know how much her stories have impacted me. That’s another justification for how I decided to write you this.

The happiness didn’t last long. As I said earlier, ever since the last episode, it has been like a world fell apart. I cried myself to sleep every night, and I felt stupid for doing so. Like, I shouldn’t let a fictional character have this control over me, but I just couldn’t help it. I was down to the point where I signed up for a Tumblr account to tell you this.

In case you’re still here, thank you for reading my nonsense. I feel a bit better after letting it all out. Also, I didn’t request any topic because I’d love anything you write from the Kaleidoscope Series.

Ps. I’m shy, so I’ll just send this message anonymously.

- 🩵🩷

Hi dearest one, this would never be a bother and I couldn't be more grateful that you took such efforts to reach out to me, thank you so much, I appreciate it more than you can imagine!

Please don't feel pathetic, okay? Your emotions are totally justifiable and I too feel the same frustration over the recent chapters. And even if Satoru is a fictional character, it doesn't make the feelings and emotions we experienced from him shallow, because for better or for worse we did love him and it is natural to feel devastated if you lose someone you love, regardless of whatever or whoever he/she is.

Kaleidoscope Series was made out of the idea "to soothe" and "comfort and rest" and I never have ever imagined that this little corner would grow enough to reach a lot of you. I am very grateful of how you have come to love KSeries, so much I want to hug you and give comfort after all that's happening in the manga.

Please do tell your friend thank you so much and, yes, it does mean the world to receive this kind of message, I am grateful and I couldn't emphasize enough how I appreciate this gesture from you!

Please feel a little better knowing what you're feeling is not insignificant, and I can relate how sad it is to lose someone you love. It's okay to cry, and even if Satoru may be "dead", he will be fine, you too will be fine. Time always do its work. He died in a way he saw fit, and he had fun...

This thought may not lessen the pain of his passing, but it does soothe us that he died with one less regret... And that is enough for him, he too has been standing up for himself far too long, he deserves rest.

Don't worry I am in my delulu world where Y/n is pregnant with their third babies. My commitment lies not on Gege 🫠🫣

Don't be too shy, I really don't bite~😆

—Grey,

[brunchable]

I'd Choose You (One Shot) || Doctor Strange x Varitant!Reader

Word count: 1.1K

WARNINGS: Angst.

Context: End of a Secret War, Battle World (Latverion)

Honorable Mentions: Iron Man, Captain America and Thor

A/N: Inspired by a quote I found while scrolling through my feed. Had to quickly write it before It gets lost in my head.

This one is purely just my imagination and does not represent how the 'Battle World' or 'Secret Wars' work.

You conceded defeat and fell to your knees in front of the winners of this secret war. The ground beneath you is scorching hot from the flames of battle and the devastation. Your eyes fill with tears as you come to terms with the fate of your world. It was a matter of survival or extinction for both of your realities, and both sides were merely protecting their own home. The variants of your allies look at you with guilt in their eyes because they were never your enemies in the first place.

You are now on your own. Every member of your team has perished at the hands of the other reality. You were the only survivor. It seemed as though destiny had decided who would get to live. You were crying softly, with your head bowed and your hands clutching the fabric of your pants as you sobbed uncontrollably. You experienced a sense of guilt over the fact that billions of innocent people will lose their lives today.

"I really do apologize that things have to end this way." Captain Rogers said as he forced himself to swallow the tough mass he felt in his throat. When human lives are lost as a result of this victory, he cannot accept it as a victory at all. 

You gave a small nod and then mustered the strength to compose yourself, wiping your eyes with the cuff of your sleeves.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't accept your apology. Everyone was simply doing their duties, the same as I did. " When you responded, your voice was hoarse and exhausted. Your eyes slowly made their way around, looking at the various faces of your friends, "I genuinely hope that all of you won't have to bear the weight of guilt when you return to your homeworld. This guilt is mine and mine alone to bear until the very moment that I die. I failed my reality. "

“To me, it doesn't look like you've failed them (Y/N), because you're here, aren't you? You are a hero. You fought until the very end, and you did not abandon your people. ” Thor spoke from his heart, fully aware of the emotions that you were experiencing at that very moment because he had been in your shoes.

You smiled lightly and shed a tear at the words of the God. Thor has always had a way with words that makes everyone feel better. You were moved by the fact that he was able to empathize and understand how you felt.

"Ugh, I think the gas is starting to affect my eyes. Let’s go before everyone starts getting sore eyes." While clearing his throat, Tony Stark discreetly wiped the corner of his eyes with the back of his hand. Tony Stark looked over at you for the final time and offered you a modest smile as the portal spacecraft descended slowly from the sky. You gave him a smile in return, indicating that there are no ill feelings between the two of you.

The way Stephen was looking at you made you think he was waiting for you to address him, “Go ahead, I’ll be there in five.” He told the rest of the Avengers before turning around, using his cloak of levitation to soar towards you.

“(Y/N),” Strange called out your name.

“Stephen.” You tilted your head up to face him while tears continued to stream down your grazed cheeks.

Stephen supported your face for you since you seemed to lack the strength to keep it up on your own, “I’m so sorry.”

 “I told you, there’s no need to.” You smiled weakly, reassuring him.

“I’m not apologizing about the war. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you in my world or even here in this one. ” Stephen's facial expressions became more rigid as he attempted to stop his own tears from escaping.

A quiet chuckle left your busted lip and you shook your head as you said, "Stephen, I'm the only one still standing. I think I protected myself quite well."

Stephen let out a breathy chuckle. One corner of his lips twitched as he struggled to maintain a smile on his face. “Who taught you how to show off?”

“I got it from you.” Your smile quivered as it appeared on your face. You placed your hand over his hand, and the tips of your fingers felt those scars you were so familiar with. “What were we in your universe, Stephen?” You asked out of curiosity.

“We never really worked it out, so you moved on, and I regret not telling you how I feel about you every second of my life.” His gaze swept over all of your features with a mixture of admiration and regret, “I couldn’t tell you because I get scared.”

“Then tell me now.” 

“Strange! Time’s ticking! ” Stark yelled from the ship that had already landed.

Stephen knelt down in front of you on both knees, and this time he cupped both of your cheeks with the palm of his hands, “I love you and if I could ever get another chance;  I’d choose you, in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.” Stephen’s voice started off strong, but then he broke down, realizing that he could never be with you.

You wept in front of him. His confession provided comfort for you given the fact that your Stephen did not have the opportunity to express his feelings to you as well. You took a long breath in order to find your voice before saying, "Face your fears, Doctor Strange."

“Strange!” Stark shouted again, a little more impatient this time.

You moved closer to him and planted a gentle kiss on the apple of his cheek, “It’ll be okay, go and don’t look back.” You whispered and gently pushed his hands away from you. 

Stephen got to his feet without taking his eyes off of you, and you continued to smile at him the whole time to put him at ease. As soon as he turned his back on you, you immediately lost your composure and began to softly cry by yourself, covering your face with your hands. Stephen walked away with salty water welling in his eyes and he could hear your sobbing, which made it difficult for him not to look back at you.

You could hear the engine of the spacecraft heating up as it prepared to transport them back to their own world. The spaceship vanished in a brilliant flash that covered the crimson sky. You were now waiting for your own spacecraft, which would carry you back to your home planet, the one that had been defeated by this incursion. Despite your feelings of sadness, you had a sense of peace, knowing that somewhere out in the multiverse, you’ll meet each other again.

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[straydawg]

when the rain stopped.

summary: killua's tears are the rain that falls. (or, a short fic where killua can't live on with gon dead.)

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Rain was falling.

You didn't know what moved you to come so far out, only to lay with your back saturated against the cold concrete as the rain washed over your body.  It bruised your face with every shard of ice-like rain. There was something so violent, so excruciatingly heart-rending about the downpour. The sky was thundering in wails of misery. Raindrops surged from the sky, crashing into one another, plunging onto roofs and cars. They held no consideration for where they would land. They only poured down.

It had been like this for hours now.

Your hair was matted and soaked. You reached your hand up to the sky, feeling the pounding rain crush it. Tears, indistinguishable from the rain, streamed down the sides of your face and mingled with the rising puddle beneath you.  'Were those your tears? When had you begun crying?'

You could no longer see the sky above you, as the rain kept falling down with such fervent and passionate intensity you were forced to squeeze your eyes shut. There was no reason to cry or even be there at all, but you could feel the sky mourning.

No.

Someone was grieving.

This had to be a real person. This was desperation, heartbreak, and loss all in one.

A deep cry of thunder lamented around you, so deafening the buildings shook. Perhaps you would drown here- if you didn't die beneath the sheer pressure of the storm first.

Just what happened to cause a thunderstorm charged with this much grief?

The cries turned into whimpers, short bursts of lightning illuminating the black sky.

It was radiant.

With every fluoresce of lightning, you saw another's life flash before your eyes.

"Gon!" He shook the lifeless boy in front of him.

"No no no no NO! Please Gon," Killua screamed, holding Gon to his chest and rocking the both of them.

Tears splashed onto Gon's eyelids, but they weren't his.

"Idiot, wake up! You can't die here. You can't die yet."

"You're meeting your dad for breakfast tomorrow. Mito is planning for you to come back home in the summertime. You're just a kid...we're just kids..."

Killua clung onto him tighter with every word, but Gon fell limp in his arms. He clenched his fist into the dirt, shoving sharp debris underneath his fingernails.

Killua refused to believe it. The person he had spent years adventuring with, the one who had helped him see his worth, the one who had saved him. He couldn't be gone, just like that. No, Gon was not the type to give up, and he would never back down in a fight even if he were outmatched. He would always come out with a smile and a, "hey don't worry about me! We did it, didn't we?"

But not this time.

Killua's sweat was sticking to Gon as he tore himself away to gaze at his friend. The bright moonlight shined on Gon's face, wet with Killua's tears. It was too bright for a night like tonight. He smudged the dirt off the boy's cheeks.

"Gon. Please wake up. D-Don't be so selfish. I.. you're the most precious thing to me. You're my dearest friend. The world.. it can't turn if you aren't there." He sniffed.

A tear escaped from the corner of Gon's eye.

"K..K.."

"Gon!"

"Killua.. thank you..." Gon coughed, cracking open his eyes. "From the day I met you and everyday I've been alive since...I knew I'd never find someone else like you. You made me li-"

Killua couldn't hold back the hailstorm of sobs that wracked his body as he heard Gon's words. He was still alive. He wouldn't let him die.

"Gon, don't talk like this is the end! I'm going to save you," he began scooping up Gon's body, ready to take him somewhere- anywhere that wasn't there.

"Let me finish. I want to hold onto this last moment...with you. Please."

Killua reluctantly set him back down on the dirt, laying him gently against a wall. He never let go of his hand, in fear that Gon would fade away from him in front of his very eyes.

"You made my life worth it. Ging said.. He said to enjoy the little detours in life because those are the moments you treasure the most. You never were just a detour, Killua. You became my purpose," Gon's eyes glistened. His light was fading fast.

Those few words were apparently too much for him, as it sent him into a violent fit of coughing. There was blood oozing out from his mouth. Killua quickly wiped off the redness with his fingers and grabbed onto his friend again.

He held Gon's forehead to his.

"Don't leave me."

No response.

Killua felt an exhale of breath touch his face. He didn't dare move.

After a few moments had passed, Killua found the strength to lay Gon onto the ground, and place his own longsleeve shirt over the boy for warmth.

Gon only wore a tank top. He'd be chilly without it.

Taking some steps back, Killua stared at the boy laying on the floor. Gon looked like he had shrunk, so weak and devoid of life.

There was nothing left in Killua, but a throbbing pain and emptiness.

Falling to his knees, he let out a series of gut-wrenching screams. His sobs filled the night just as much as the stars in the sky did. He beat the floor until his hands were bloodied and mangled, unleashing strikes of lightning to the earth with every devastating blow. Hopefully, the lightning would ruin him too.

What even was the point anymore? There was no longer any light left to illuminate the dark.

Once Killua had bled himself dry of all tears and every emotion there was, he weakly looked upon Gon's form.

Hadn't he said that the world would not turn if Gon wasn't there? But why was it still going? Why was he the only one suffering this cruel loss? Why were there people who were going about their lives right at this very moment, not knowing Gon had just died?

His world could not go on without Gon, smiling him on. Pushing him on. So— he had made his decision.

Memories of all their priceless times together played in Killua's mind like a movie, as if he were experiencing each one of them again for the first time.

The time they first met—

Gon hadn't even questioned Killua's line of work. He had become his first ever friend without a second thought. No one had ever put that much faith in him before.

The time Gon brought him to Whale Island—

Killua had been shocked at Mito's generous hospitality. He had learned what a real home was like, and Gon had asked him to continue travelling with him. It made him feel special, although he had never admitted it out loud before.

The time they began Greed Island together—

He never did tell Gon the real reason he followed him there. It wasn't just to find his dad. Maybe he was embarrassed, or scared too, but the truth was obvious. He loved Gon. That's why he stayed.

The time he saw Gon lying in that stupid hospital bed—

Killua wasn't sure if he felt hurt, angry or betrayed, but the one thing he knew is that he was being torn apart. He was breaking to pieces seeing Gon dying slowly in front of him. He swore he would save him, and he did.

But he couldn't save him today.

Sitting up a little straighter, Killua took a deep breath. Turning his nen against himself, he sent the electricity force of 900,000 volts straight to his heart. Enough to kill a tortured assassin like himself.

Killua fell to the ground next to Gon, and shakily reached for his hand. Once he had made contact, he sighed and closed his eyes.

He hoped and prayed that this would count as Lover's Suicide. Maybe, if the universe cared at all, and if some force out there pitied these tormented children enough— they could have a chance at life together. Souls forever intertwined in the afterlife.

Then the rain stopped.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

❝ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʜᴀꜱ ʟᴏꜱᴛ ɪᴛꜱ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ

ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴡ ɪꜱ ᴡᴀɴᴅᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴇᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟʟʏ

ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ

ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴜɴᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀʏ ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ ᴏʀ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴏɴ

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴅ ᴛᴇᴀʀꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜰᴀʟʟ

ꜰʀᴇᴇᴢᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴋʏ

ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ

ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴇʏ ꜰᴀʟʟ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴍʏ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ

ᴛᴡᴏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛᴏʀɴ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ

ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ❞

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

author's notes: hello! i'm new to tumblr and hoping to improve my writing here and make new friends! :) this blog will be multifandom, (bsd, hxh, aot, etc.)

requests are open!

[yourpsychovengeance]

What I'm about to tell you is a true story. Please read until the end and share it to others to raise awareness.

⚠️ TW: R*PE, SU*C*DE ⚠️

⚠️ 18+ ⚠️

I was 5...

You're one of the people from church. You're a funny guy, I always enjoy your jokes and stories. One day you said you want to show me something good and I should follow you. I wish I haven't...

"Suck it, it's just a big lollipop."

"Yummy milk will come out, I promise."

"You wanna put it in here?... I'm afraid it won't fit."

"This is a secret for the both of us only, okay?"

The "milk" wasn't yummy at all and I've always wondered what would've happen to my fragile body if he really put it in. Now, it scares me...

You were never contented, you invited your friends one by one. They all did the same thing.

I regretted and wished I at least told my parents, but I didn't. I was a kid and I didn't know what's happening. He said it's just a game and it's normal. "It was done by many." And so I thought.

It goes on until...

I was 7...

You had the audacity to start your own family and moved to another town.

Even so, your friends remained. It got to the point where I became famous to the boys in our neighborhood without me knowing why. Sometimes, they call me "slut." And here I am with no idea what that means and why they call me that. It goes on until I was a teenager.

Every summer break, an uncle visits my grandma and stays for a week or until classes resume (he was a college student then). I play with him during summer break. It was fine until he found me asleep in my grandma's bed. My grandma was out to buy groceries and we are the only people in the house. All I remember is that I woke up with me lying on his stomach whil he's masturbating. I pretended to be asleep until he finished. At this point I don't know what to feel anymore. I felt empty...

Again, I never told my parents becuse I am a shy kid and I don't talk much about how I feel with anyone, even with my parents. The harrassment stopped when we moved to another town when I was 9.

I'm doing fine, I'm living how a child should be. Enjoying my time playing and studying. I was an honor student. Until I accidentally saw my uncle's lewd magazines when I was 11. I suddenly remembered everything done to me when I was younger. I got confused. I don't know what to feel. All I know is that is how I started learning to masturbate at such a young age. I remembered that I don't like doing it but I can't seem to stop. Sometimes I cry while doing it and I don't even know what to do with it. I'm not even feeling pleasure to it.

I live on with that ever confusing state with a young mind.

I was 12...

We now live with our grandma, back to the town we lived when I was young, because both my parents now work overseas. I don't know what happened to the boys who harrassed me when I was young and I don't care as long as they don't bother me anymore. Or so I thought...

My grandma has a brother and he's older than her. He even uses a cane to help him walk. One time he carassed my thigh while we were sitting. I was so shocked I don't know what to say or do. I've been taught that elderlies must be respected and obeyed or I'll get spanked. When he finally stopped, I immediately ran to the bathroom and cried...

I was 13...

This was the most haunting moment I've experienced. It still haunts my mind every now and then.

My grandma hired a maid. Our maid is young, she was only 17. We got close to each other and I treated her like my big sister. Like how sisters are, we both share our lovelife stories. It was fun, it's a typical teenage life, I even had my puppy love for the first time. He treats me well and he's a gentleman. Unfortunately, we broke up because his mom doesn't like me. Up to this day, I still don't know why she hated me.

Moving on... I liked our maid very much that I go with her even when she goes out during her day offs. One time on her day off, she went home because it's her sister's birthday. I was allowed to go with her and have a sleepover. I was happy. But today, I always wish I haven't gone there...

When we got to their house, they ordered alcohol. I'm not gonna lie, I drank too. It was my first time. In this drinking session, I met her family. That's when I met her brother, he's 24 and works as a driver. Their house is small, shabby and only made of woods and palm leaves. So when it's time to sleep, we all shared one room. They also don't have a bed so we just slept on the floor. I was so wasted that night. It was my first time drinking and I am in no good condition. As everyone was peacefully sleeping, her brother crept beside me and slowly pulled me to the corner. I don't feel good and was half-asleep but I saw him already half naked on top of me. I was about to talk but he covered my mouth with something. I don't know what he did to me but I felt really dizzy. I thought I might fall asleep of the dizziness so I banged my head. It was painful but I managed to slightly open my eyes. I'm still dizzy but I see him sucking my chest. I thought I'm making a lot of noise but nobody is waking up, neither can I talk. I am so confused at that moment. Why is nobody waking up? I was weak but I keep on struggling. But as I was struggling, he caught my hands and tied it behind me. He pulled my hair, shut my mouth with a cloth and banged my head on the pillow. From then on, all I felt was pain. He pulled down his pants and my pants, and he aggressively pushed his way in. It was horrible and painful...

I couldn't do anything. All I know is that I'm in pain and I want it to end. But when he finished, he showed me a cloth and said "Wow, look at all this blood."

I cried.

The morning after, I was silent. I feel so empty, my eyes is empty. I can still feel the pain. Our maid told me to pack up 'cause we're going home. As I was packing up, I heard voices from the window. I saw our maid's brother (the one who r*ped me) and the younger one. The younger one is pointing at his older brother saying "Wtf, she was just a child! That was too much, I can' t do this anymore. I'm so done with you!" As I heard that, I quickly returned to packing my bag. I thought to myself "I am so done with this family, I wanna go home." How could they? So someone was awake while I was suffering and he didn't even dare to stop his brother? DID HE JUST WATCH HIS BROTHER R*PE ME???

When we are about to leave, our maid's brother whispered to me, "Don't ever tell anyone about what happened last night or I'll kill your family."

We're finally back home and I don't know what to do. I was so afraid. I was young and gullible. I couldn't say anything to my parents or grandma 'cause I'm scared. But that night, I couldn't fall asleep. I decided to talk to our maid, that' s how much I trust her. But in the end, she scared me 'cause she boldly asked "Was it good? Did you enjoy it?"

I was speechless. They're all f*cking animals.

It weighed on me like a big boulder on both my shoulders. I kept saying it was just a horrible nightmare but the pain still lingers. Sometimes I slice my wrists or take unprescribed pills to end my suffering. But it just added to my pain.

On one of my worst nights, I contacted my puppy love and told him what has been happening. I know we broke up but we still managed to have secret connections that time because we still like each other. But guess what? He was disgusted by me and he never talked to me ever again since that night.

I lost all my confidante.

A few months later, my mom finally went home for a vacation leave. I cried to her. I just pretended I missed her so much that's why I'm so emotional but her maternal instict got to her. She asked me what really is wrong and that's when I broke down and told her everything. I even told her to keep it a secret 'cause I'm afraid they will really be killed by him.

Of course, she refused.

She contacted my father about it. My father was devastated. She then went to our maid and talked to her, I don't know what about or the details, but she was fired.

After they talked, they went to our maid's house. I don't know the details, all I know is that my mom is so angry and she is taking it to legal matters. She will file a case for what he did.

Sadly and regrettably, it didn't happen. The *ssh*le fled somewhere before he was taken by the authorities. Prior to my r*pe case, we didn't know that he was already wanted because of a m*rder case in another town. Up to this day, he is still missing and wanted.

I was 14...

Hisghschool.

When my puppy love never talked to me again, I lost all my confidence and self-love. I don't know how to respect my self anymore. I feel so dirty. I am a dirtbag, that's what I am. Because of that mindset, I ended up flirting around with boys. I've had many exes whom I let my heart be wasted on. I have never been single. If a boyfriend broke up with me, I find another to flirt with me. I lived my teenage life being a flirt, but I never let them touch me and sometimes that's one of the reasons why they broke up with me. I was trashed by others, they look down on me, but I felt nothing. I lost myself.

As I was fooling around, I met a graduating college student. He was one of our practice teacher. Before he became a practice teacher, we already know each other. We used to chat over the phone. We have a lot of similarities when it comes to interests and so we got close. Despite the age gap, I liked him. We hang out every now and then but he always keep me a secret. He never wants anybody to find us out. He wants to stay low from the crowd.

I know you're gonna say that after everything I've been through, I never learned my lesson. Yeah, I know. You can hate me but it's all in the past now and I've been better.

Going back to the story, I know it was a red flag keeping our relationship secret but I never mind it. I kept my mind clouded from thinking that I finally found someone I can get comfortable with. I am still such a gullible kid I wanna punch my past self.

Until he took me to a motel one time. He said we're just gonna hang out there because in that place, no one will see us. It is a huge red flag, I know what people do in a motel, but I went with him anyway. I really like him, you can say I was really blinded by this so-called love.

When we arrived, we just started watching tv. I feel awkward, of course, we're in a f*cking motel. It's the first time I felt nervous when he get closer to me. My intuition was right 'cause he started touching me. I am shivering inside, the nightmares from before is still lingering. But I distracted myself by thinking "This is for the best, this is your chance to fight your fear." (Yeah right,'for the best' my *ss.) but I still can't do it. I told him I can't and we should stop but he never listened. He started kissing me and kept touching me. I stood up and yelled "I said stop!" He became angry and that's the first time I saw him angry. He slapped me and threw me back to bed and told me "I know you want it too you dirty little slut. It's all your fault!" I was shocked. He's never like this before. I knew this was gonna happen. Regret came all over me and I started blaming myself all over again. "Yes, this is all my fault, I should just let it be. I am really just a dirtbag..." That's what I thought at that time. I felt empty all over again.

And since then, I became his s*x slave, I was afraid he'll become violent on me again if I refused. He even go for threesome sometimes. Worst, he lets me watch him have sex with other girls and tell me to masturbate on the corner. It hurts me a lot.

To this point, I began questioning myself why I always end up with these kind of guys but I also end up answering myself with "because you're a slut, a whore, a dirtbag, who wants to be with a girl who's already touched by many guys?"

I tried to commit su*c*de by cutting my wrists just to end my suffering but I ended up still living. I failed so many times that even in dying, I still failed.

I've been his s*x slave for how many years, I can't even remember. It all ended up when I finally stood up for myself and cut all communications with him. It's also an advantage when I moved out because he doesn't know where I live anymore.

He kept messaging me on social media but I always block him. I also changed my phone number. He finally stopped when I was a college student and knew better. I told him I caught STDs and I have proofs of him fooling around with minors. He was scared of STDs and his reputation being ruined. What's a f*cked up guy who always fools around but scared of STDs? Thankfully, he's a stupid f*ck who believed my lie. It's been years and he doesn't bother me anymore.

I told my story not to gain sympathy but to raise awareness and help encourage others who's experiencing the same to keep on fighting.

After everything I've experienced, I learned how to fight for myself in the end. I learned how to respond to these kind of people. I also didn't end up hating all men because I learned that there's still good men out there through my father. Besides, some girls are also capable to r*pe/s*xually assault.

This is what r*pe, s*xual harrassment/assault does to a person. We get scared, we get nightmares, we get confused, we blame ourselves. But remember, we are still capable to fight. You f*ck up the minds of the children you harrased/assaulted. It f*cks up their perspectives as a child. It's hard to fix. As I grow up, it was hard for me to regain my confidence and self-love. It was tiring and I even tried to commit su*c*de.

To all the people who experienced the same ('cause not only girls experience r*pe, don' t you ever forget that!), whether it be you're a girl or a boy or part of the lgbt, keep fighting for your life! Never give up. It was hard but I know we can get through it. I, myself, still have nightmares sometimes but I am now able to respond to it without breaking down. And most importantly, NEVER BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP. If you need help, ask for it. There are still people who are kind-hearted. Therapy helps too! So please, don't keep it all to yourself. If you can't take it anymore, ask for help.

You can also message me if you need to. Spread love and not hate! Have a safe day.