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phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust · 3 years

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It annoys me when people complain about Julian and call him “whiny “. The person that John hurt the most throughout his whole life is his own son! I feel like this gets glossed over because he was more attentive to Sean “At least he was a good father to one of his children”. John failed Julian massively. Having Sean should’ve motivated him to try harder with Julian but I feel like it demotivated him because he realised how much of Julian’s life he missed and that made him feel bad about himself. Even in May’s book she says that John would’ve avoided Julian for the rest of his life to avoid feeling bad about himself & the choices he made with his life. And even when he got his visa he was happy to fly to other countries but not the country containing his son! I mean c’mon that’s very shitty and inexcusable. People can’t relate to John’s callous treatment of Julian so it’s downplayed and undermined by the excuse of “Oh well, John was better with Sean”. I know John appeared more motivated towards the end but doesn’t absolve him of the damage and pain he already caused to his son.

I try to understand John’s neglect of Julian from his perspective - I don’t want to excuse or justify it, but I still want to know what was going through his head to make him treat Julian the way he did - but I just can’t really understand it in the same way I feel like I can empathise with a lot of John’s other flaws. Like I feel like I can understand Johns mistreatment of certain people, or his mood swings, or his anger etc. But when it comes to Julian I struggle to understand him, and I just think its such a shame that Julian never got the closure he deserved with John. But I guess a few things to keep in mind when discussing this are:

1. Alfs abandonment

That Johns father, Alfred, abandoned him at such a young age, this might have affected John in such a way that made connecting with children a real challenge. Of course, he ideally still would’ve made an effort to connect with Julian more - but I guess that this was 1963, and he was someone who at this point had had absolutely no therapy. John’s own father I think was placed in an orphanage around the age of 5, so this neglect and abandonment appeared to be a bit of a cycle within the Lennon family-tree. Alf didn’t develop the neurones to be able to connect with his son the way a father ideally should be able to, and therefore John had trouble forming these connections too.

A real tragic story regarding this disconnect is one that ive heard Paul tell a few times (see this interview at 6:24 to hear him tell it). He essentially compares his ability to just naturally connect with children, to John’s inability to do the same; Paul grew up in a household where children and babies alike were around all the time - and in addition to this, there seemed to have been a lot more affection involved in his early environment compared to Johns. So when Paul was able to pal around at ease with Julian, John asked “How do you do that?” - and its unfortunately just not something you can just learn. I think John did want to be able to relate to Julian, and a part of him wanted to be a real dad - but I guess he just lacked the initiative to do so, as well as not having the needed facilities provided for him to be able to function as “good” parent (< or in other words, that man needed alottttttttt of therapy omg—)

2. Aunt Mimi’s coldness

I think by now its sort of been established that im not Mimi’s no. 1 fan - I don’t hate her, and I think she genuinely loved John, but ive been pretty critical of what I perceive her parenting style to be like. One aspect of this parenting style is that I think she was cold and deprecating towards John, which I presume took a toll on his relationships in such a way that made him susceptible to cynicism and even bitter contempt towards those he loved most.

“She never hit him: her worst punishment was to ignore him…When she did, he’d plead, ‘Don’t ‘nore me, Mimi!’” - I think that this type of parenting style could have effected the way John relates to Julian, perhaps making him feel it was okay to abandon him, maybe as a result of some unrecognised childhood angst or revenge.

Theres also a story where I think John said something to Julian a long the lines of, “I hate your laugh!”. Like, Jules was just some four year old living his life and then John, his own father, had this massive fucking mood swing. I feel bad for Julian cause my parents were like this (had random fucking mood swings and said some pretty contemptuous things) so I can empathise with him. At the same time though, I feel like I can understand John getting these mood swings (although, I don’t think that showing that kind of contempt towards a child is at all acceptable, and assuming that this sort of thing was a regular occurrence, I would say he was emotionally abusive towards Julian. Maybe John got these mood swings from Mimi (check this post for more on that).

3. Yoko’s influence and isolation

I think we first have to take into account here that John had a history of neglecting and failing Julian, and from what im aware of, he only started making contact with him again during his ‘Lost Weekend’ after being encouraged to do so by May Pang. So I don’t think we can make Yoko take all the blame for Johns neglect of Julian (and certainly not his emotional abuse towards Julian). But I think we have to also account for the fact that Julian has stated Yoko would refuse to put him through when he would ring his dad. And I just don’t know how much John had to do with that - as in, I don’t if John knew Yoko was isolating him to the extent that she did, or if he was unaware that she was rejecting several important and significant figures in his life.

For what its worth, Julia Baird wrote in her memoir of John urging (or really, begging) her to go to Cynthias house and ask Julian to phone him, because he hadn’t been able to get through to Julian, and he was trying to construct a better relationship with him around this time (this was before Sean was born, like you said, he seemed to lose motivation with Julian after Sean was born). I don’t know why Julian wasn’t taking his calls around this time - John seemed to think it had something to do with Cynthia, perhaps it was an autonomous decision made by Julian, perhaps it was entirely just a misunderstanding; I don’t know.

When it comes to Yoko, im conflicted - to some extent, I think John was being manipulated by her, and she was clearly isolating (even abusing) him - but also, he’s a grown man, and so he had to take the initiative for his own life. So I don’t know, but id say she is still partly responsible for spoiling Johns relationship with Julian.

~ ~ ~

At the end of the day, all I can really say is that John was just a classic case of parents needing therapy before they start, y’know, parenting - but it was 1963, and thats just not something most people underwent back then, especially people with more complex and unrecognised traumas, as well as mental illnesses that, whilst prevalent, may not have been so apparent. To clarify that point, I think John could function well-enough in his day to day life to be able to get by, because I don’t think his traits of mental illness tended to disrupt his life to such a degree that he could not function (at least not in 1963, though in later years, id argue more so they did; but even still, I don’t think John tended to struggle with mania or psychosis etc.) But I think he was still dealing with mental illness in a way that wrecked almost all meaningful relationships for him, as well as made feeling love and functioning as an emotionally stable and consistent person, a real hardship and challenge for him. And this inability to feel loved and cared for etc. made being a parent, quite simply, impractical. He needed therapy, and its a shame he died before ever receiving real therapy because it would’ve been interesting to see how John might have come to terms with really acknowledging his failures as a parent, and because Julian might have gotten some real closure with his dad.

All in all, I think Phillip Larkin said it best

#sorry this took a minute #these aren’t all my thoughts on John and Julians relationship btw #i have MANYYY more obviously #but these are just 3 things to consider i guess #asks #anon #discussion #julian #abuse #john lennon #john #johns psyche #alfred lennon #bpd #cynthia lennon #cynthia powell #paul mccartney #julian lennon #complex relationships

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i-love-hobbies · 3 years

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Eda's reckless behaviour and overall mental health

Summary

Eda is a genius, but is very emotional when making decisions (not anger, but fear, stress ect.)

Her reckless behaviour and apple blood problem in my opinion are her ways of running from reality.

In season 1 she made a bit of progress on this issue. Then the finale happened. Then she made again progress and s2ep7 did a complete reset. And she is making progress now again.

Eda's intelligence

She's been a criminal for thirty years. She has been in the shady business for an extremely long time. Yes magic definitely helps but you also have to find a way to be on top of the game, so you can survive.

Remember Tibbles' shrinking potion. She can't really use a lot of magic if she is shrinked or poisoned and dead, can she? Not to talk about her enemies which you'd think would attack her now that she is magicless.

They haven't on screen, yet. The only ones that tried are Adegast and Tibbles and they both died without her using any magic (or close to nothing).

Now we know that she doesn't make plans a lot on screen. In s2ep3 especially she just let's Luz make the plan but that's because she is her mentor.

In s2ep6 Luz used sleeping needles which is wild magic so no, it's not knowledge coming from Hexside. Also the pickpocketing Luz mentioned.

Teachers don't do the tests instead of students.

She teaches her everything that isn't glyphs. I wouldn't be surprised if she has told stories to Luz about her best "outsmarting everyone in the room" moments.

Now we have seen some of her problem solving on screen. One of which was in ep.18 fight only using her channelled magic trough the staff (im not taking credit for noticing this, have no idea who did though) and used the bridge.

Also if she can telepathically talk to her staff. Owlbert saving Luz was probably her idea.

She had her impact on Raine's rebellion as well, without having magic or turning into a harpy.

"You are not our mom!"

"Wow, we actually helped people this time!"

"Bye, mommy Eda!"

In the back of her head she knows exactly what to do, everytime something happens.

Eda's mental health

Eda's curse and the nightmares it causes. The father incident. The fact that she probably thought Lilith was scared of her.

Lilith's hidden guilt and her taking her father's eye out don't mix well together. I wouldn't be surprised if they barely spoke even if they lived in a house together.

Her losing Raine.

Her faith in the emporer being broken.

She has seen a lot of death, that does impact people.

Season 1

At the beginning of the series she was making a lot of bad choices which don't aline with her experience.

The series starts with her getting caught by Warden Wrath. Instead of just sneaking, they were just walking comfortably in the corridors.

They are kids, one from another dimension, but her... She doesn't know better? And for a paper crown that she can replace by stealing from someone else.

Next episode we are introduced to her morning drink later on confirmed to be for adults only. And that drink didn't get a mention for the rest of the season. In that episode she is also not the most clear-headed. She didn't try to sneak, she didn't use potions. Didn't try to plan.

A list about her being impatient can go on and on.

So when does she think. When she realises it's dangerous (aka when it's right in her face). Literally in the first episode the moment she started doing stuff is when she got caught and spat on the warden's face.

In episode 2 she didn't do that because she didn't know if Luz was alive and had a hard time bottling her feelings. Like if Luz proved to him to be hard to keep tight up he could have killed her, the girl that came back for her and her son yesterday. And she proved to Eda that she is a little dangerous the previous episode with her fireworks.

Eda was rational again, after she was with both King and Luz.

As the series went on though she started to calm down a bit.

Firstly, the fact that she was so focused on fixing her card problem, after Tibbles scammed her, that she trew them away in another dimension.

I was wondering how she overcame it so quickly.

It also shows her knowledge of how to handle this type of problems which brings up a question. How did she learn it?

Secondly let's compare the first half of the season to the second.

1. Everything I already pointed out and was hiding the curse. The stuff that happened in ep.5. Her refusal to be parental in ep.7. Body swapped.

2. She gets scammed again (this time though, how do you expect that someone was digging their own grave). Didn't use a sleeping spell on the slitherbeast immediately instead was just standing there. Got caught by the fun police. Worsened King's stage fright.

In ep.15 because of her ignorance Luz and Amity almost die. Except that is not the full story. She had at this point a lot of faith in Luz and this was her friend's mind.

For Amity it's not that she hated her. Amity actually saved her in ep.12. It's because she wasn't that important for her to realise. "Omg Willow is at the very least extremely mad at her."

It's again a refusal to think, but for a stranger and not really on purpose. It was just a habit of hers.

Episode 18 and 19

At the beginning of the episode. Eda hid the curse, again.

When she learned that Lilith had kidnapped Luz. She didn't try to make a plan. She just revealed herself in all her glory while her magic was disappearing.

Shot the staff in a wall while she was having no idea, what that was supposed to accomplish.

Luz showed up and she finally started thinking.

Afterwards Lilith said we all know what and for the first time Eda's anger was the leader of her choices and Luz almost fell on to the spikes.

So then, for the very least a night, she was stuck in her mind with something, that was chasing her. She woke up to Emporer Baby the B*tch, who was telling her, he was about to go after Luz.

And no she didn't believe in Lilith, but was so overwhelmed. It was insane. So she begged. After some more running, she woke up to Luz in the Comformatoriam.

Next, she was about to get petrified and for awhile this was the calmest things have been since she got caught. Then Lilith shows up (ah yes she existed).

King jumped "She was trying to help!". Wait King was there.

Petrification beam go.

PURE PAIN!

Then she got the idea for all of them to fly away. Lilith shared the curse making the confusion even bigger. Then her magic is gone (that was a thing). She learned that the portal is destroyed. Now she was living with Lilith and might have starved to death with everyone else in the house.

After all of this she not only tried but HAD TO pretend that she was mentally stable, so they could survive this mess.

Season 2A

In episode 1 she told Luz not to go after big bounties and then tried to steal from a coven's ship.

At this point her emotions are the only thing that made decisions while they were also getting hidden. Don't get me wrong she did help and should, especially Luz but it's ALL feelings. She didn't think about consequences, which sometimes are good.

She didn't attack Lilith cause it's just not the time, she's scared from her own anger. Plus she can't really stand being with the roller coaster of emotions, that came with being in one room with her.

This didn't mean she didn't work with her and hadn't listened to the backstory, though.

The episode ends with her and everyone else not being close to dieing. Finally!

So now what? She tried to think about Lilith? Yeah, she probably preferred not to.

Then her glyph almost kills King, but Lilith showed up and helped. This is probably a familiarity she missed. So again she decided not to process it, but it definitely sticks.

She also didn't notice Luz being hurt.

Next episode, we saw Eda taking a shower which means she has healthy coping mechanisms, at least one, self-care and is not yet a workaholic.

Luz's apple blood joke is concerning.

After the events of episode 3. Luz probably told her that Lilith stayed with her and King, instead of just leaving them, get killed by Jean-Luc.

Then Eda still isn't certain where she stands about everything and Lilith just left, with her final act being, giving King mental issues.

Throughout this whole thing her mom was there with her cures/annual accidental attempt to kill her favourite daughter.

In this episode, Eda fell for apple blood signs. Rationality is out of the window.

In ep.6 she decided to help, with students getting palisman. Again not thinking about all the trauma, but finally doing something against her first instinct.

In ep.7 she heard King's "Le-" and refused to fully process, where the heck is he gonna go.

She also punched someone, cause this is gonna work?

Now she has reconnected with Raine having no idea should she even think of a romantic relationship again? And decided to be useful at least for something since she "can't raise kids".

She was helping and being very good at it, but it came from fear of loneliness.

Then she heard that Belos has a plan and just is overwhelmed. What if the kids get hurt, is she powerless?

Oh, look! Raine might be dead!

Next episode she overworked herself.

In between ep.8 and 9 she was trying to scare the beast into transforming. (She is losing her sanity. Literally the previous episode told her not to do that.)

In episode 9 again it's all emotional. She wants to feel better and be stronger, so she told King to blast her (almost blasting Amity), hit fool's blood even though Amity said the lake is further ahead.

Luckily she showed progress too.

She ate voles, which was against how she was feeling.

In ep.10 she was scared of letting Luz in the portal. I'm not saying she wouldn't have before, but I don't think it was easy.

Right now, after s2ep10, I think she isn't the most mentally stable. But she is definitely working on it.

#toh #the owl house #eda clawthorne #toh eda #eda the owl lady #edalyn clawthorne #the owl lady #toh lilith

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dcbnam-aep · 2 years

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Star Trek Picard 206 thoughts

watching agnes be re-assimilated-ish in the episode recap was owch

ohh we gonna get a future-past back in time 2 hours sorta thing??

34 mins lol I was close I guess??

RIOS IN A SUIT I REPEAT RIOS IN A SUIT

‘I’m 100% sure he doesn’t miss u/

agnes’ little smile i love

shuffling the chair forward pls

DONT GIVE THE BORG CONTROL

‘urgh no sorry not for u’

AGNES AND BORG QUEEN TAKING HANDS I FEEL THE SHIP EDITS COMING KSJDJJF

*opening credits*

Raffi and Seven both look so gorgeous omg 🌈🥰

hot ghost alert

‘new friend’

‘not sharing u are a house guest’ lol

‘wasnt fun at all- not the intercourse but-‘ *shakes head in frustration* *also realise borg queen knows exactly what she’s thinking* *no need to explain anything but rlly went and embarrassed herself anyway* :/

Borg Queen agnes bickering/ convos are hella hilarious

agnes’ confused look when the borg queen says she’s in control is worrying

ok is she talking to the borg queen aloud or just in her head tho or things could get weird like obviously it is just in her head but like just saying lol. wait but then theres also the one scene near the start when shes talking to the borg queen but then picard hears through the coms so she turns them off hence later drama etc etc but that means she was talking aloud?!?! idk ill give the writers benefit of the doubt lmao

Raffi calling rios sweetie im here for their bestie vibes

love his big goofy smile but not the dr his heart belongs to agnes

RAFFI SMILING AT SEVEN AWWW 🌈🥰

forehead kiss my loves

not the hallucinations raffi jsjdhfh

i called the therapist Q thing mwahahaha

id give agnes attention

accidentally referring to herself as we

‘are u doing alright’ ‘mhmhmmm’ *is not alright* ‘you can lean on me u know’

RIOS’ EYEBROWS DO A CUTE LITTLE THING WHEN HE WORRIES ABOUT AGNES 💔

omg fuck u borg queen leave her alone

‘im not myself tonight’ *runs away* ahh bestie

rios left looking simultaneously confused and worried and pissed at himself pls-

OK GLAD THIS EP IS GIVING IS THE AGNES CONTENT WE ALL WANT

Picard getting urself targeted by genius dr soong probably wasn’t the best idea

agnes looks like she’s about to cry bestie- she needs a hug. if it was 2024 and i was at that snazzy party thing i would 100% give her a hug. and then probably accidentally get assimilated. but worth it to give agnes the comfort she so desperately needs.

Agnes just wants to do what’s best for the mission

# distractionmodeinitiated

damn bestie can singgg

Rios look what ur missing out on now

‘oh im proud of u agnes’ jsjdjdh

NOT BORG PLANNING TO FULLY STEAL CONTROL

AGNE SKJDHHJDNSHBKD

IDJJDJSNMAKAK

DKAJGSHUSTAYS

ARRRHHHGGGHSVHSBJDND

borg got control btw ^^^

im absolutely terrified but at the same time ready for alison pill to absolutely slay the role of fully assimilated borg queen

therapist picard therapising ancestor picard

not picard quoting his mum so that his ancestor can eventually pass what he told her down the line so picard knows it and can go back in time and say it to her and repeat repeat repeat (that probably makes no sense but hoping u know what i mean)

being forced to go to rios’ new love interest owch

ok so basically agnes will never be able to have a stable relationship because no one will ever understand her like the borg queen but at the same time her relationship with the borg queen is just manipulation and power struggle grrr

no word from agnes 🥲

oohhh fancy mind meld interesting

prediction: Picard’s gonna think she’s larris again and she’ll just go along with it to save him

agnes/ borg queen just walking around ahhh

and they can feel/hear (idk how it works) everyone they (well rlly just the borg queen) want to assimilate

question of the ep- how is agnes going to get control back???

bonus question- how is agnes so amazing like literal loml??

#ok these are getting longer everytime haha #agnes jurati #dr. agnes jurati #borg queen #star trek #star trek picard #picard #jean-luc picard #raffi musiker #raffi x seven #seven of nine

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one-boring-person · 3 years

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Hey!!!how are you?

Can i have some Rambo Headcanons??

Maybe the old rambo moving nextdoor to a young(24), farmer? (They/them pls), and maybe eventually him developing a crush or Wanting to protect them since they’re always so nice and caring towards him?

Thank you!!(these are for my birthday lmao, im a complete and total rambo simp. And i feel old rambo would really enjoy calming down and helping around with someone who loves him)

You have no idea how badly I've been wanting to write these as soon as I read the request! It's so wholesome, so I hope I've done it justice! And happy birthday! I hope you like these 😊(also I'm good, thanks for asking!)

John Rambo (Rambo IV/V) x younger!reader headcannons.

Warnings: mention of PTSD, vague injury detail.

A/n: I'm sorry if this is not as expected, I'm still getting to grips with writing headcannons 😅

Masterlist

The ranch had been in a state of disrepair when John first got there, walls thinning, paint peeling, buildings empty and soulless. He hadn't expected things to be as they were when he left, all those years ago, but the evident lack of care surprised him.

The house had been empty, which he eventually figured out was die to the fact his father had passed a good few years prior, and hadn't left anyone in charge of the ranch.

This meant that everything was as it was when he left, photographs hanging awkwardly on the walls, dusty furniture shoved out of the way.

Naturally, the rest of the ranch was also in pretty poor condition: the stables were practically overrun with weeds and foul smelling hay, one lone horse still nosing weakly at the empty water bucket on the floor. Taking pity on the animal, and feeling a need to help it, John took it out onto the field, which is where he first saw them.

Across from his father's ranch was another, smaller one, where horses and cattle grazed in the fields, a single car parked up beside the main house, which was in a much better condition than his own newfound home. In one of the fields, running around with a young foal, was who he assumed to be a ranchhand.

For a moment or so, he had stood and watched as the figure ran in circles with the youthful horse in tow, admiring their seemingly high spirits - he hadn't felt high-spirited in years.

After he'd helped the old horse from the stables out (cleaning out a stall, feeding it with feed he found in a storeroom), John had gone back to the house, almost forgetting the figure across the field, intending to head to sleep.

A couple of days passed after that, before he saw them again, though this time, they also saw him.

He'd started work on the house, having collected what he needed from a nearby town, and was sat on the roof of the main building as the sun glared down at him. Taking a brief pause from his work, he'd looked up and seen them in the field again, this time astride a larger horse.

They were racing around again, until the rider noticed they were being watched, at which point they slowed to a halt and looked around, quickly spotting John on the roof. From that distance, he couldn't tell what their expression was, but they raised a hand after a moment or so, waving up at him. Hesitantly, he had waved back.

Later that day, when he'd been sat on his father's old rocking chair on the veranda, taking another break, John had noticed someone coming up the road towards him. Standing out of instinct, John soon realised it was someone astride a horse, the rider carefully trotting up the drive, their face becoming clearer the nearer they came.

Still cautious of people, John had acted somewhat guarded as the person rode up to him, a broad smile on their work-weathered youthful face. In their hand, they carried a small box, which they cradled awkwardly on their thighs.

Approaching him, they'd tipped their hat, a battered Stetson, and greeted him, introducing themself as (Y/n), the owner of the ranch next to his. They'd spoken cheerfully, as if unaffected by the hardships of life, which they may well be. That's what John thought anyway, until they openly and happily told him about the passing of their parents, four years ago. The ranch had been left to them, leaving them in charge of the business.

Their first encounter had been somewhat awkward, but it didn't seem to bother (Y/n), and they left after ten minutes or so with a genial smile at him, stating that they'd be happy to help if he ever needed it. They also left behind the box, which John soon discovered was filled to the brim with cookies, a food he hadn't eaten for decades. Trying one, he soon rediscovered a love for them he didn't remember he had.

In the following weeks, John managed to fix up the house, getting it ready to live in properly, with some very brief help from his neighbour. They'd been round earlier in one week, dropping off another box of cookies, and had offered him access to their tools, which they brought round soon after.

After this, John felt it was only right that he invited them round for drinks as thanks, something that still made him somewhat uneasy. Somehow, he did feel reassured when they happily agreed and turned up the following Sunday, the two of them sitting in comfortable quiet on the veranda, sometimes talking, other times staying silent.

This became a regular occurrence.

Every week, (Y/n) would go to John's, or vice-versa, the latter soon learning to trust them and enjoy their company, finding himself in a better mood than he had been in in a long time. Their openness to talk or listen (even if he said very little) comforted him, allowing him to forget the nightmarish things going through his head near-daily.

After three months, (Y/n) had started coming round much more often, many times just appearing in the middle of the day to help out with whatever task needed doing, unafraid of doing dirty work. They later told him it was because they enjoyed his company far too much, and often actively sought it out: they made it clear that his quiet, brooding nature was an attractive quality about him that reassured them.

It didn't take long for them to become close, the two seemingly working at a different wavelength to the rest of the world, one that only existed between their small ranches.

They helped John procure his first horses, lending him one of their own to help build up the numbers. The differences between each ranch soon became blurred, the fence running through the middle of their respective fields eventually disappearing as they merged their ranches together, continuing with business individually with the help of the other's land.

John had long since accepted, within himself, that he would not find someone to spend the rest of his life with, not after Sarah. It was a sad truth, but one he had to live with.

That all changed when he suddenly realised he had fallen for his neighbour, the one person he now trusted and cared for more than anyone in the world.

He'd realised this when their face first started appearing in his nightmares, after a close accident that nearly resulted in catastrophe. (Y/n) had fallen from the roof of the stables, thankfully landing on a stack of stray hay which softened the impact, leaving them in severe amounts of pain for two days. Their face became part of the repertoire in his head, nightmares about their death soon plaguing him even further, as he finally acknowledged the newfound love he felt for them.

Because that's what it was: love.

It couldn't be anything less, he was too damaged to have heedless fancies, and his emotions were far too strong towards them. Since he'd moved in, (Y/n) had always been there, acting as a friend he never had, steadily working their way into his life, bettering it in ways he never would've thought another person could, supporting him through the episodes of flashbacks he was now prone to having. They had showed him love and care he hadnt experienced from anyone else. He valued them highly, prioritising them over himself, and he knew he was heavily attracted to them, but he told himself "no", don't ruin the friendship.

They didn't make it easy to repress the urges. No, they only managed to win him over more and more with their caring, loving attitude, though their youth managed to awaken some form of paternal instinct John never knew he had. He felt the need to protect them at all times, and he would do his best to uphold this, but he knew his feelings were getting too strong.

Somehow, he managed to miss all the loving glances, and little tells (Y/n) inadvertently laid down before him, the rancher have g developed similar feelings for him, though they'd never admit it to John, knowing how human interaction like that could be upsetting for him.

Eventually, it had taken a beautiful evening, with the sun spilling its last bloody rays on the dry landscape as the two sipped beer from bottles on the veranda, for them to finally admit to each other how they felt.

It just happened: one minute, they were leaning in to replace their bottles on the table, the next, their lips are just touching, breaths mingling as they struggle to do rain themselves. (Y/n) had finally leaned in, pressing their lips against his, pulling back almost as quickly as they moved in, a horrified, embarrassed expression on their face.

They'd apologised instantly, terrified that they'd screwed up their relationship, rambling and cursing until John had recovered and kissed them again, cupping their face in his hand as he pulled them closer. It had been too long for him, and the touch was just incredible, goosebumps rising along his spine as he poured all of his love and care into the kiss, pressing as close as possible.

Somehow, (Y/n) had ended up in his lap, head on his chest as he cradled them, relishing in the feeling of having a solid, supple body against his own after so long, and one that means him no harm, too. They knew where they both stood, and it kickstarted a close relationship.

(Y/n) moved in with him after their second foaling season together, where he'd seen their parental instincts kick in, particularly when they'd then worked to socialise the foals by playing with them. The memory would always stick with John: something about the carefree youth in their face as they ran around with the frolicking horses reminded him of the good in his life.

Life was good, everything was going mostly well.

Naturally, there were some days when he'd relapse, having particularly bad episodes that would be harrowing on both him and (Y/n), though they were always there to help him through it. Their soft words of love and worry would easily permeate the cloud of despair, and had break down in their arms, enjoying the sensation of being held.

They often held each other. Even if it was just a quick hug, or an embrace from behind as one pressed up against the other's back, touch became a large factor in their relationship - John relished it after the more callous touch he had grown used to.

Kisses, too, became a large way of showing their affection. Little ones here and there between jobs, deep passionate kisses up against the wall of the house, or sloppy making out on the shared seat on the veranda, it all counted for their love, and they thoroughly enjoyed partaking in them.

(Y/n) was always there, even when Gabrielle and Maria joined them. They were there when Gabrielle died, and they were there to avenge her death, choosing to go out with the man they loved.

Both of them liked to cook, even if John's meals were a little...plain...so they often spent hours in the kitchen with each other, fooling around with whatever they could, John's face alight with more smiles and grins than he thinks it's ever been.

They went riding together, finding solace in each other's company on their many trails through their land, the horses often coming home tired after so long of being out.

Sometimes, John got self-conscious about his age in comparison with their's, thinking he is too old for them. Everytime this happened, (Y/n) would reassure him that they love him for who he is and doesn't care if he's not as young as he used to be, it never would matter.

Marriage was never really a thing they considered. John never had much time for the state anymore, so why get them involved in their relationship?

They considered themselves married, and wore rings to show it, but it was never a legal affair. Nevertheless, the union had always been a happy one, and John could honestly say that he had been wrong about himself: he had found love.

#rambo x reader #rambo imagine #Rambo headcannons #Rambo #john rambo x reader #John Rambo #John Rambo headcannons #Rambo last blood #Rambo 4

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odd-triceratops702 · 3 years

Text

Idk what I'd give if someone writes this.

But I had this concept for the years about mingcheng. So like here it goes...

Anyways, so the fic goes like this: it's about 2 years after WWXs death and NMJ is SLOWLY getting affected by his qi deviation and is getting desperate in slowing down the symptoms and what not.

But then he meets up with JC (who cares where, could be a discussion conference or him visiting whtevs) and develops a HUGE crush. But JC doesn't realise it cuz he's really spread thin with leading yunmemg and raising Jin ling. So they interact a lot, with NMJ trying to support JC whilst he's still alive.

Eventually because JC is a masochist - he falls in love with NMJ and confesses, assuming that NMJ will friendzone him. Only for NMJ to admit his feelings as well. But it's bittersweet cuz NMJ is still dying from qi deviation (JGY is still a dick) so they rush their relationship. JC gets married to NMJ (this being NMJ favourite memory and JC favourite memory is NMJ interacting with JL) whilst NMJ is still stable and have many little moments together (like both of them teaching jin ling how to shoot and JC teaching NMJ how to use zidian because he trusts NMJ enough to not hurt others with zidian. )

Anyways NMJ eventually dies when Jin Ling is like 8 (and JL only has a few memories of NMJ which destroys JC) and JC & JHS grieve together. BUTTT JC didn't know the full story because NHS wanted to be the only one to get revenge for NMJs murder. So JC just thinks NMJ died because of qi deviation and slowly accepts it but never moves on because NMJ was his soulmate.

Fast forward to the plot, JGY is being confronted by WWX and the gang and JGY admits to killing NMJ and JC is destroyed. And he is Hella pissed, and tries to kill JGY buttttt doesn't because morals or whatever. LXC still kills JGY. But the twist is, that WWX doesn't know that mingcheng was a thing.

Shenanigans happen with WWX and NMJ and somehow WWX fixes him and makes him a fierce corpse... But the twist is that NMJ only remembers his life BEFORE having qi deviations. *Shock and disbelief ensures *

And since of the WWX and LWJ didn't know mingcheng happened, LXC being in seclusion and NHS feeling too guilty and bitter to be near NMJ. NMJ has no where to go and is having a lot of self-loothing because he is a fierce corpse, can't remember some of his later years and didn't figure out that JGY was killing him. But then NMJ stumbles into Lotus Pier...

NMJ meets up with JC and JC is shooketh. Buutttt then the whole memories erased thing becomes plot revelant and JC becomes insecure ..."If he everything else EXCEPT us, their relationship wasnt that important to him than it was to me...."

So JC keeps his distance from NMJ and lets him stay at lotus pier cuz he's a masochist. Only NMJ to get attach to JC and slowly fold back into JCs life. JC still loves him and this situation is slowly destroying him that JL notices. (Also NMJ knows he feels something to JC but doesn't know what it is, and is repressing it because of self-loothing)

Jin Ling has been prepping to become the Jin Sect leader whilst Lan qiren is his Regent cuz JC REFUSES for JL to lose his childhood like he did.

And Lan Qiren was bored and wanted to give WWX and LWJ some alone time idk. Anyways, JL is free and studying under Lan Qiren and JC on how to be a sect leader and one day whilst staying in lotus pier, he hears JC crying alone in his room. And gets super over-protective cuz "no one makes my favourite parent uncle cry."

And then JL bumps into NMJ and recognises him as jiujius husband from a painting or whatever. And realises that NMJ is the one making JC depressed. JL confront him, saying something on the lines of "that's yr soulmate buuuttttt you don't even recognise him because of yr self-loothing"

NMJ realises that he loves JC and those feelings he has been repressing were because of this.

That night NMJ confronts JC and emotions soarrrrrr. They realise that they are being stupid and get back together. And live out their days together.

*Some additions that isn't in the main plot,

*WWXs reaction to mingcheng like "wait JC lost his virginity BEFORE ME!! NOOO"

*Jin Ling and WWX being overprotective over JC

*JC being Lan Qirens favourite even though they're not related (pre-timeskip, they would have tea once a month because Lan Qiren used to have tea with JC's parents but not as regularly as they do. JC goes Lan Qiren for advice and Lan Qiren sees himself in JC)

*LXC reconciling with NMJ, (Im actually a fan of NMJ being a bit mad at LXC because LXC forced 3zun brotherhood) but both of them working out their issues

*NMJ and NHS interacting, NMJ understanding why NHS did it and didn't hold a grudge

BUT JC is angry with him because NHS didn't ask for help and didn't consider JCs feeling on the matter.

Eventually JC and NHS reconcile after NHS reveals his true nature to JC (like be more sly and intelligent in front of JC) and stops being the lazy headshaker. NHS is still sect leader because NMJ wants to live with JC and NHS wants to change the Niè sect. (Also NHS wants to become chief cultivator) (I just want NHS to be an evil mastermind, an ethical bastard with JCs support)

*maybe LXC and NHS romance, LXC being angry with NHS and being hostile with NHS (and then bring in the enemies to lovers trope)

*JC and WWX reconciling extremely quickly because JC now knows that time is precious and had forgiven WWX a long time ago (during when NMJ and him were first dating because he didn't want useless baggage to ruin mingcheng so he confessed EVERYTHING to NMJ and they moved past it)

*WWX being the strict uncle to JL, and JC, having more child rearing experiences, can handle a bratty teenager whilst WWX hates his past self for giving him karma

So yeah this is a prompt I've BEEN thinking about for a while and I don't want to write it sooooo

#mingcheng #JC #jiang cheng #nie mingjue #the untamed #mdzs fic #nmj

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dameronology · 4 years

Text

the one where he doesn’t listen (poe x reader)

summary: poe dameron + ‘i think we should take a break’ ‘you’re right - we’ll get some food, cool down and then we can talk about this’ no, i mean a break from us’

warnings: language

i PROMISE i am working on some fluff, i know literally everything i’m writing at the moment is angst but like 80% of my requests are for angst...and i just hope u guys are okay lol love u

enjoy,

- jazz

‘Would you just listen to me?!’

You ignored the calls of your boyfriend, violently kicking open the door to the air hangar. You stormed inside, a scowl on your face - you didn’t notice Jessika and Snap jump back at the sight of you. You breezed through the base, boots thumping into the concrete floors, steps like thunder. You couldn’t even look at Poe - you might throttle him otherwise.

You usually embraced his rebelliousness. His courage was one of the many things you loved about him - but this was your mission. You were the commander. It was a different story when he was ignoring your orders. The whole operation had been blown up because he couldn’t listen for once in his life.

‘Baby, please-’

You stopped in your tracks, and Poe crashed into your back with a grunt. You turned to face him, and for a split second, he held out his arms. The action, however, was quickly retracted when you jabbed your finger into his chest. He silently thanked whichever god was up there that looks couldn’t kill - if they could, yours would have been a weapon of mass destruction.

‘The one time I need you to listen!’ You snapped. ‘The one fucking time, Poe!’

‘I said I was sorry-’

‘- sorry doesn’t get me my mission back!’ You continued, cutting him off. ‘Sorry doesn’t change the fact you ignored me. Sorry doesn’t change the fact you went against my direct orders!’

There was a little bit more to it than his disobedience. You weren’t a superior behind a comms link, barking orders at him. You were his partner - the one person you’d hoped would be the exception to his insubordination. That was what was causing most of the fuel behind your rage.

Poe bit his lip, nodding. ‘I’ll make it up to you.’

‘How?’ You snorted. ‘You find a time machine and go back and unfuck this up for me?’

He grimaced, hopelessly scrambling to find something - anything - to say that could possibly calm you down. ‘I’ll explain it to Leia. I’ll take the fall.’

‘That was gonna be the case anyways.’ You murmured.

Poe reached out to grab your hand, but you swatted it away.

‘Don’t.’ You shook your head. ‘Look, I’m gonna go to my quarters and get the mission report done. I need time to think - and maybe a wall to punch.’

‘Wait,’ His mouth dropped open, and that was when the magnitude of his actions finally seemed to click. ‘This isn’t gonna change anything is it, for us?’

You knew the us that Poe was referring to - and he didn’t mean your professional relationship. He meant the us, us. The us that had sneaky kisses and escapades in broom closets. The us that laid together at night in each other’s arms, discussing everything from from work that day to theories about the deepest, darkest galaxies. The us that might have been the only stable thing in Poe Dameron’s unpredictable life.

‘I don’t know.’ You sighed. ‘I just need time to think.’

You paused, the volume of the situation beginning to cause the descend down a slippery slope of misery and rage.

How could he do this to you? You knew that the flyboy was capable of some exceptionally dumb things, but this one took the crown. This was the grand finale that completed The Chronicles of Poe Dameron’s Dumbassery (patent pending).

Poe grabbed your arm, glancing around at your co-workers. Most of them had left the room when you entered - news of the mission had quickly spread about the base and people did not want to get in your way. Even Threepio had made a point to not go near you. Still, the pilot dragged you from the walkway and towards an empty space behind his X-Wing. The ship was splattered with dents and chips from the TIE fighters that had chased you out of the planet you’d been on. Perhaps that would be the epilogue in the aforementioned book.

‘Baby,’ his voice almost broke, desperate as he grabbed your face in his hands. ‘I would give anything to go back and undo what I did, literally anything, but I can’t-’

‘- I know you can’t.’ You moved his hands, momentarily intertwining your fingers. ‘It can just be so exhausting, Poe. I love you so much but you don’t think about the people around you.

You moved away from him, propping yourself up against the ladder of his jet. Your feet swayed back and forth for a moment as you thought. You were hurting- teetering on the edge of pure insanity, ping-ponging between your intense love for the man in front of you and your frustration at the situation.

‘I think we should take a break.’

You knew that you didn’t mean it. The second the words left your mouth, you wanted to swat them out the air, throw them to the ground like dead flies. Some childish part of you just wanted to scare him, to make him feel what you’d felt.

‘You’re right,’ Poe nodded. ‘We’ll get some food, cool down and then we can talk about this-’

‘- no, Poe.’ Your voice cracked slightly. ‘I mean a break from us.’

‘You’re breaking up with me?’

‘No, not a break up. Just a break.’ You stood up.

You saw the hurt on his face; the anguish, the torment. More than ever, you wanted to wrap your arms around him; to hug him, to run your hands through his stupidly soft hair and hold him and promise to hurt whoever it was that was causing his distress. But it was you. Was love always this much agony?

‘I gotta clear my head.’ You whispered, slipping by him as you walked away.

A few hours later, you were even more angry that you had been when this whole thing started. You were no longer just enraged at Poe - you were now pissed off with yourself. Why had you said that? Why had you let the heat of the situation push you over the edge and say such stupid things?

Three hours without Poe by your side felt like a lifetime - a long, sad, empty lifetime. You’d been sat on your bed, handing resting on the empty space where he should have been. You were still furious at him but that didn’t mean you wanted to be without him.

You let out a sigh, watching as BB-8 circled the floor in front of you. He’d followed you back from the hangar, beeping something about relaxation methods. But aside from that, he’d been pretty silent. You felt like he was a kid who’d seen his parents have a fight.

‘Where is Poe?’ You asked quietly, moving down to kneel in front of the droid, fixing his antenna. ‘In Finn’s room? I know right, where else?’

Grabbing the nearest jacket from your desk, you tugged it over your shoulders. As the heavy leather fell over your torso, you realised it with Poe’s - he’d lent it to you on your third date. It occasionally lead to a few awkward situations where you, Finn and Poe all turned up wearing matching jackets, given that the pilot had also gifted one to his friend.

You made your way to Finn’s quarters, BB-8 rolling behind you. He’d perked up a bit at the prospect of his parents you and Poe working it out. Nobody liked to see you guys fight. You knocked on the door twice - usually, you were close enough with Finn to walk in unannounced, but with the given circumstances, you didn’t want to just swan inside.

A few seconds later, the door opened, and he greeted you with a smile. ‘Y/N!’

‘Hey, Finn.’ You greeted him. BB-8 nudged past his leg, rolling inside without waiting for an invitation.

‘Poe’s inside.’ He said, stepping aside. ‘I’ll give you guys some space, but please don’t do anything in my bed.’

You rolled your eyes. ‘Finn.’

‘Just saying!’ He ruffled your hair as you walked by.

Poe was sat on Finn’s bed, a holopad in one hand and a cup of caff in the other. He’d clearly heard the exchange at the door and was trying to play it cool - something at which he was failing miserably.

‘Hey,’ you greeted him quietly. You gently took a seat on the bed next to him, pulling the holopad from his hands. ‘Wanna talk?’

‘Is there much to say?’ His voice was cold, and you almost did a double take.

‘Poe,’ you sighed. ‘I don’t want to break up, or go on a break, or whatever it was that I said.’

His brown eyes lit up slightly, and he finally turned to look at you. The last three hours had been equally painful for him - he thought he’d lost you. There was a lot of things that terrified him but there was nothing that scared him more than the idea of life without you by his side. He would have rather gone up against Kylo Ren with a pencil for a weapon than let go of you.

‘I got caught up in the heat of the moment,’ you continued. ‘You hurt me, and I think I was reaching for something that might make you feel the same.’

‘Well, you made me feeling something that was deep, dark and pretty terrible.’ Poe tried to joke, but he couldn’t hide the wavering in his voice. He reached to take your hands in his, and your heart broke when you realised they were shaking. ‘But that’s not a lot compared to what it feels like to lose a mission - especially because of me.’

‘I don’t care that we lost the mission. That happens all the time - it just hurts that you didn’t listen to me.’ You explained. ‘I guess I felt like you didn’t respect me.’

‘I do!’ Poe’s eyes widened. ‘I would...I would do anything for you. You know that, right? You tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it-’

‘- I just want you to listen to me.’ You cut him off. ‘That’s it.’

‘I can do that.’ A smile finally fell onto his lips. He pressed a kiss to your lips, and you felt yourself finally relax. You were going to be okay.

‘I’m still fucking furious at you, though.’ Your words didn’t quite match your actions; with one hand tangled in his hair and one resting on his face, you seemed to be more sweet than intimidating. ‘But I love you, and whatever this is, we’re gonna work through it.’

‘I love you too.’ He pulled you in for another kiss. ‘And I will never, ever do anything stupid again.’

‘I give it five minutes tops.’

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron x you #poe dameron fanfic #star wars imagine #star wars x reader #star wars fanfic #star wars preferences

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megalony · 4 years

Text

Teacher’s Pet- Part 15

Here is the latest part of my dad! Ben Hardy series and the gender reveal is in this part, I hope you will all like it and feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Series taglist: @im-an-adult-ish @gwilymleeisbae @k-k0129 @haileymorelikestupid @glittrixvibe @youngpastafanmug @ultraviolencezs

Series masterlist

Summary: Gwilym sets Ben up on a date with (Y/n) who teaches at the school Ben’s kids go to. But Ben is hesitant in the relationship, desperate not to make the same mistakes and needing to put his kids first.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Will you still be happy if we're having a boy?" (Y/n) knew it was a silly question to ask but she couldn't help how it was starting to play on her mind more and more lately.

They were about to have a scan today and they were able to find out if they were having a baby boy or girl. (Y/n) couldn't help but wonder what kind of reaction Ben would have if it turned out that they were having a boy because from what he had said, he didn't want that to be the case. He felt like every time he had a boy it was fate telling him that this relationship was not going to last and it never did.

Ben loved (Y/n) and he knew this relationship was better, it was something different and something he wanted to treasure and keep but having a boy would make him paranoid that it wasn't going to last.

"It's not that I wouldn't he happy because I would, every time I've been in this position I've been overjoyed. It's just that a boy would make me paranoid, I wouldn't be any less content or thrilled if we had a boy."

Ben couldn't have (Y/n) mistaking his paranoia for unhappiness because he would never be unhappy to hear he was having a child or that the child was a boy. Every time he had learned the gender he had been increasingly worried but he was always happy and ecstatic every time because he loved each of his boys. They were his world, it just made him superstitious that he may lose his relationship if he had a boy. But if they were having another boy Ben would still be happy, he could never be unhappy because children were his life.

"Okay... forget about the stigma and paranoia attached, would you like another boy this time, or do you want a girl?" (Y/n)'s smile showed she was trying to lighten the mood but she was curious.

Ben seemed so at ease and comfortable with the boys, it seemed like it suited him to have sons. But (Y/n) was interested if he had always wanted boys or if he wanted a girl and if he still wanted a girl this time around or not. (Y/n) herself had never cared what gender child she would have but now that she had three boys all at once, a girl might be a nice change. But then again, (Y/n) wouldn't mind if they had a boy, it would just be like she was supposed to be the only girl in the family and that thought made her smile.

"I'd like a girl this time. Jamie wanted a girl and I didn't dare tell her I was happy we were having a boy and I was happy to have another boy with Ellie. When I had Finn I was sure he'd be a girl, three in a row didn't seem likely I was so prepared for a girl that time around. I do love the boys, I always liked having just us four boys round the house, but I want a girl too."

The way that Ben smiled as he spoke gave away that he wasn't begging or praying for a girl because he was worried, he wanted a girl because he was desperate to finally have a daughter to look after and spoil.

Ben had just known with Carter that he and Jamie were having a boy, it was like a sixth sense. Jamie had been in two minds about having a baby in the first place but she had wanted a girl and Ben knew Jamie could just see herself with a daughter. Everyone had the perfect image of a family in their mind but it rarely worked out. Jamie didn't mind that they had a boy but Ben was pleased, he would never deny that he wanted a boy more than a girl when he had Carter. And again with Ellie, he wanted another boy.

Finn was different just because Ben had been expecting a girl rather than wanting or praying for one. It just didn't seem right that he would have three boys in a row but it happened and Ben had been happy.

It had been him and his boys for the past two years.

But now he wanted a girl. He was desperate for a girl, he had a picture in his head of their family and he couldn't get a daughter out of that picture.

"Let's go find out."

(Y/n) entwined her fingers with Ben and gently tugged on his hand when the midwife walked into the waiting room and called their name. It didn't matter to (Y/n) if they had a boy or a girl and deep down she knew whatever way this went, Ben would be happy. But his eyes just lit up when thinking about a girl and (Y/n) wanted that light to stay in his eyes. The boys were a big handful as they were and when they had this baby (Y/n) didn't know if their family would ever expand more than four kids. If they had a boy this time around there might not be another chance for Ben to finally have a daughter that he seemed so keen on having right now.

But they would be happy either way.

(Y/n) could feel the nerves rattling through her chest when she sat down and rolled her shirt up over her stomach. Every time she looked down at her stomach, (Y/n) felt her heart jumping in her chest because something about this didn't feel real. It seemed too good to be true that she had Ben and the boys and was now having a baby of her own with Ben.

"Alright, would you like to find out the gender today?" The smiles on both their faces was more than enough to tell the midwife that they were ready to find out what they were having today.

(Y/n)'s eyes drifted between her stomach and the monitor like she couldn't quite believe the baby on the screen was the one she was growing and protecting right now. She didn't realise she had started to bite her thumb out of nervousness until Ben's hand gently reached up to take her hand from her mouth. He tangled his fingers into the grooves between hers so she wouldn't carry on the nervous habit.

"You're having a girl."

The moment those words hit (Y/n)'s ears her hand tightened around Ben's until she was sure she must have cut off his circulation but he held her hand just as tightly.

Part of Ben felt bad. He had wanted a girl in the beginning because he couldn't live with the fear that something would happen and he would lose (Y/n) one way or another. Now he almost felt guilty like he had pushed for this to happen because he was so afraid. But he did want a girl to spoil, the thought of a daughter made his heart beat faster and made him smile because he'd always looked after his three boys. A girl would be different, it would be perfect to have a girl because Ben could just envision himself with a daughter and three boys around to help look after and protect her.

Turning her head to the left, (Y/n) looked over at Ben but his eyes spared her a short glance before they focused on her stomach like he was trying his best to see straight through her stomach to their baby. He looked and felt desperate to see her now. After Finn, Ben didn't think he would have any more kids, he didn't even think he would ever manage a proper stable relationship after what happened with all his exes so far.

Yet here he was with (Y/n), finally expecting a girl and he suddenly had the urge to want her here right now. He didn't want to wait another four months, he wanted to hold her now and look at her and see who she resembled more.

Ben couldn't help himself when he moved his free hand and slowly reached over until his fingers were feathering over (Y/n)'s stomach. He stopped for a moment when she moved against his touch that clearly tickled but she made no attempt to stop him. It felt like feathers were gliding against (Y/n)'s stomach but the gentle touch only made her smile more than the fact that they were going to have a daughter. When Ben moved his hand and grazed the back of his knuckles and fingers against her stomach (Y/n) felt like she couldn't breathe with how gentle his touch was which was directed towards their baby girl.

"We're having a girl."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A smile formed on (Y/n)'s lips as she looked down at James who was stood between her and Ben. The seven year old was holding their hands and swinging himself back and forth between them, giggling each time Ben lifted him up by his hand and set him back down again. (Y/n) liked the way Ben didn't even tense or groan or even take a deep breath each time he lifted James off his feet by lifting their entwined hands in the air. The only thing that showed it wasn't effortless was the way Ben's arm tensed and the veins could be seen beneath his skin.

The five of them were taking a walk in the park before they went home for tea and all the boys knew it wasn't normal or routine to go to the park right after school.

They had decided that since all three boys seemed to be coping with the news of having a new sibling, they would take them to the park to tell them that they were going to have a little sister. The park was somewhere the boys all enjoyed going and if Carter got mad or annoyed he could storm off along the path instead of feeling like he should lash out.

"Can we feed the ducks?"

Ben looked down at Finn who was standing on his other side, tugging on his hand to get his attention. Finn held his other hand out to show the half-full bag of bread that Ben had let him carry for when they reached the bridge over the pond. The boys loved to feed the ducks and the swans at the pond, it was something Finn took a big liking to recently.

"Yeah, you lead the way buddy." Ben let go of Finn's hand so the youngest boy could hurry ahead round the slope to get down to the bridge with Carter running closely behind him.

When they got to the wooden bridge, Ben let go of James' hand so he could pick Finn up and stand him on the ledge so he could see over the side of the bridge and look at the birds. Ben kept his arms around Finn and gently rested his chin on top of Finn's head as Finn handed the bag of bread to (Y/n) so she could hand it out to everyone.

(Y/n) split the slices of bread between James and Carter and took two for herself, looking down at the rather large swan that was resting very close to them, waiting for its dinner. With a smile, (Y/n) leaned her head on Ben's shoulder as the cold breeze swept past them and the sound of the ducks chirping and the water rippling beneath them flooded their ears.

Her eyes floated around them, seeing Carter on Ben's left, stood on the side of the bridge leaning over to throw the bread. He was being oddly calm and gentle as he delicately threw the bread towards the ducks, trying not to feed the same ones every time. It was like he was being methodical, making sure he tried to get each duck and swan fed and it was making him concentrate.

When (Y/n) looked at James who was stood next to her he seemed to be trying to feed the ducks at the very back, wanting to let them have some food too. Whereas Finn was content feeding a swan that had taken his fancy.

"Why are we at the park? We don't come to the park after school." Carter finally spoke up after he'd thrown the last piece of bread he had and he made sure it had all been eaten by the ducks below.

It was surprising that Carter hadn't asked before now why they were going to the park. The routine was always to either go home with Ben and wait for (Y/n) to finish or hang around a little while and all go home together for dinner. But today even though (Y/n) had had the day off from work it still wasn't normal for them to get in the car and drive straight to the park rather than going home. It was a nice surprise and Carter loved coming to the park to feed the ducks, but he knew it wasn't a usual part of their routine.

"Me and your mum want to talk to you, we thought it'd be nice to come here for a bit." Ben tightened his arms around Finn to hug him but his eyes focused on Carter who narrowed his eyes like he didn't quite believe Ben or suspected something was wrong.

"We went for a scan to check on the baby today." (Y/n) wrapped her arm around Ben's upper bicep as she spoke, feeling butterflies fluttering in her chest as she wondered how each boy was going to react.

"Baby." Finn mumbled the word quietly as he turned to look at (Y/n) standing next to him. He reached his hand out and gently patted (Y/n)'s stomach which was less visible with the coat she was wearing. He clearly didn't grasp why the baby was in (Y/n)'s stomach but it still seemed to fascinate him. Especially when he saw Ben kissing or rubbing (Y/n)'s stomach, Finn had taken to rubbing (Y/n)'s stomach too and it was an adorable sight to both parents.

"Yeah, we went to check on the baby, and now we know if your having a baby brother or sister."

Ben placed his hand over the top of Finn's and gently smoothed his fingers over (Y/n)'s stomach for a moment or two. He smiled when he noticed Carter's head snap in his direction at the notion that they could finally find out what gender the baby was. And James latched his arm around (Y/n)'s and stared up at her with bright eyes that were full of desperation. All the boys had been asking when they would find out if the baby was a boy or a girl so Ben and (Y/n) decided to keep it a surprise and not tell them when they would find out.

"What is it? What is it?" Carter jumped up and down on the wooden beam until Ben rose a brow to get him to stop. The bridge wasn't the newest one here and if Carter started messing around he could do some damage.

"It's... a baby."

"Dad!" Carter jumped up and down again as he frowned, whining in annoyance. He knew Ben was just trying to tease with him because Carter had very little patience at all.

(Y/n) swatted Ben's arm as she rolled her eyes, biting her lip when Finn started laughing quietly at how easily Ben could wind Carter up.

"You're going to have a baby sister." (Y/n) kept her hand hooked around Ben's arm as she spoke because she could feel the apprehension in the air about what gender the baby would be. She knew that James would be thrilled about having a sister just like Ben, but Carter and Finn wanted a boy.

"You said you always have boys." Finn turned his head so he could look up at Ben, a bit of confusion in his eyes but he didn't look too upset about the news which seemed to be a good thing right now. He leaned his head on Ben's shoulder when Ben smiled down at him.

"I know I did, but I thought a baby girl might be better this time."

"Mummy said you didn't get to decide, she said it was surprise." Finn whispered his confused words against Ben's ear like he was telling him a secret and essentially he was. This was the first time Finn had referred to (Y/n) as his mum and Ben knew how big of a step for Finn this was and it brought tears to his eyes that he willed to push away. Finn still wasn't perfectly at ease around (Y/n) and that was only to be expected after what he had gone through. But to know that he was warming up to (Y/n) and actually feeling more comfortable around her was amazing.

"It was a surprise, but mummy doesn't know I'm magic." Ben's response seemed to satisfy Finn who smiled shyly and nodded before he looked over at (Y/n).

"A baby sister!" The excitement in James' voice made both parents smile, watching him with happiness as he wrapped his arms around (Y/n)'s waist and leaned his head gently against her stomach. He liked it when it was Ben and the boys in the house but now (Y/n) was here, another girl in the house did sound like fun.

"Honey... what do you think?"

(Y/n) leaned around Ben so she could look over at Carter who had stayed quiet for a few minutes which hadn't been a good sign when they told him they were having a baby. He glanced his eyes over to (Y/n) and despite how angry and frustrated he looked, he seemed to be trying to stay calm and not have an outburst. He didn't want to be angry in public, nor did he want to be angry around (Y/n) because he knew Ben wouldn't be happy if he did.

"Why aren't you having a boy? You always have boys." Carter hopped down from the side of the bridge and turned to face Ben and the way his brows furrowed and his lips pursed made him look even more like Ben.

"Alright let's go on a walk."

Ben set Finn down to his feet next to (Y/n) whose hand he squeezed for a moment before he took Carter's hand and gently tugged him to start walking. He wasn't walking them away, he was just going ahead of the others so he could talk to Carter for a moment while (Y/n) followed a few paces behind with James and Finn.

"Carter we're not having another fight but I'll gladly talk about this, tell me why you think a sister will be so bad." Ben rubbed his hand up and down Carter's back until the eldest wriggled away from his touch and walked a step ahead of Ben. His face was pure annoyance and he wrapped his arms around his chest but he wasn't screaming or fighting Ben so it was a very good state for him right now.

"It's a girl, you and mum and nana and everyone will fuss cause she'll be the only girl and it will make her special. Everyone will give her more attention and it won't be fair, I don't want a sister I want a brother."

"Buddy... if we had a baby boy then everyone would still fuss because it's a baby. You know a baby needs a lot of care and looking after, we'll have to dress her and feed and change her and help her if she's ill and that means people will fuss even if we had a boy. She will be the only girl but she won't be any more special or loved than any of you boys."

Ben knew a baby was going to be hard right now because all the boys needed attention and care and a baby would make that harder. Especially with the care and attention Carter needed at the moment, even with (Y/n) now in the picture she would still have to care for their baby girl too. Everyone would fuss it was only natural because it was a baby and a baby took a lot of care and attention and love. But the boys would still get a lot of attention too in order to make sure they were okay and coping with everything.

"You'll be different with a girl!"

"What do you mean?"

"You're... you're different with us! You're normal with us but if you have a girl then you won't be the same. You'll be soft and weird! You have boys, you always say you're meant to have boys not a girl!" Carter stomped his foot which was rather deflated against the soft grass beneath his feet but it still proved his point.

Ben was a dominant and rather authoritative figure in Carter's life, he was masculine and in charge and Carter liked Ben with that kind of image. If Ben had a daughter Carter was sure Ben would be different and be a softer, more calmer version of himself and it wouldn't be his dad if Ben was any different. He wanted Ben to have another boy because it was normal and how things should be in Carter's eyes. He didn't like change and he didn't want a sister because that would shake things up too much.

A sigh escaped Ben's lips as he rubbed his hand over his tired eyes for a moment to try and comprehend what Carter was saying. Ben knew a daughter might make him softer but it wouldn't change him completely. Ben's job made him have a hard attitude and exterior, he dealt with difficult people all day and he had to be hard with Carter at times when he was having a tantrum. It was how he always was and how people knew him he wasn't going to change.

Ben locked eyes with Carter for a few moments as he grabbed his cigarettes from his pocket and pressed it to his lips. He used his sleeve to light the cigarette without the wind cutting out the flame from his lighter before he looked back over at his eldest.

"I say I have boys, I never say I'm meant to have boys or that I should always have boys. I won't change how I am because we're having a daughter this time, I might be a bit softer around her but I won't change-"

"Yes you will! You won't stand near mum anymore with a smoke because you're soft! You'll be different because it's a girl and you don't have girls you have us!"

Carter pointed at the cigarette that was now held between Ben's thumb and index finger that he was tapping on the cigarette to flick the ash onto the grass. Ben smoked around (Y/n) before because she said she didn't mind, she didn't smoke herself but the smell didn't annoy her but now he didn't because of the baby. Ben smoked since he was seventeen and he always smoked away from any of the girls when they had been pregnant.

"I don't smoke close to any of you because you're too young and I'm not smoking round your mum right now because she's pregnant. You want me to smoke next to your mum when it's bad for her and the baby?" Ben pointed the cigarette in (Y/n)'s direction before he placed it back between his lips.

A groan mixed with a whine left Carter's lips before he suddenly took a few harsh steps towards Ben. As if he could read his son's mind Ben tilted his head up to exhale the smoke in his lungs before he moved the cigarette back between his fingers and held his hand up out of Carter's reach. But Carter simply stuffed his hand into Ben's pocket and quickly grabbed the half empty pack of cigarettes left in there.

"Carter give them back."

Ben held his hand out to Carter but the eldest shook his head and took a few steps back to try and add space between them but Ben only advanced further over to him. This had happened a few times before, when Carter got really mad with Ben he would find his cigarettes and hide them to try and teach him a lesson. He knew Ben hated not having his smokes on him, it was a bad habit he was addicted to and Carter knew hiding them made Ben angry and agitated.

Carter had once taken a lit cigarette from Ben's hand and ran off with it before stubbing it out. Ben had been very relieved Carter didn't try and smoke it, mainly because he hated the smell, but it still led to a big argument between them that caused a tantrum.

"No! You said smoking is bad so you can't do it just like mum can't."

"It's not that your mum can't smoke it's that she doesn't want to and I know it's bad but I'm old enough to make that decision, you don't get to make that one for me." Ben knew Carter was only taking the cigarettes because he was trying to wind Ben up to show him how annoyed and upset Carter felt right now and it was working. He knew just how to push Ben's buttons.

"It's a bad decision to have a girl-"

"Nope. Don't do that Carter because I'm not arguing this with you. We can talk about this but you don't say stuff like that, it's not a decision to have a girl it wasn't up to us but we're happy to have a daughter. If I don't smoke I'll be as grumpy as you and it will make me look softer around you all so give them back. I don't mind if you're upset right now but don't say that shit cause I don't like it and it might upset your mum so don't do that."

Ben stubbed out the cigarette between the tarmac and his shoe before he reached over and snatched the packet from Carter who was trying to process what he had just said. There wasn't time for Carter to respond before he whined when Ben picked him up and slung him over his shoulder so he could walk back over to (Y/n) who had bypassed them and gone ahead with the boys.

"Daddy put me down!" Carter hit his hand against Ben's upper back but it wasn't harsh or hurtful, he was just trying to be set back down to his feet but it wasn't working.

"Nope. You annoyed me so I'll annoy you, and don't think having a sister around will stop me from doing this." Ben held onto Carter's legs and moved him on his shoulder to pretend to drop him causing Carter to shriek and cling to Ben's back before he growled in frustration.

Moving his arm Carter reached down and hit Ben's backside but he couldn't help but giggle when Ben smacked his bum in response without stopping in his stride.

"Don't be using my move buddy." Ben kept Carter on his shoulder since he seemed to have calmed down a bit and was laughing now showing he wasn't angry. He moved his free arm around (Y/n) who had Finn holding her other hand and James running a few paces ahead, babbling about something or other since he was clearly very happy.

"And you wonder why he does it." (Y/n) rolled her eyes as she looked over at Ben when he moved his hand to her bum, knowing Carter could see since he was looking over Ben's shoulder with how Ben was carrying him.

"I know exactly why he does it, I'm just telling him it's my move."

(Y/n) buried her face in Ben's shoulder to smother the smile on her face as Ben kept his hand right where it was. He didn't care that they were in public, (Y/n) knew he touched her ass a lot more in public because he was cheeky like that and he knew it made her blush. He didn't care if people saw or smiled or gave them a funny look and he didn't care if the boys saw him do it either.

"Mum's blushing!" James turned and pointed at (Y/n) with a grin that made Ben laugh, especially when Finn giggled and tugged on (Y/n)'s hand to try and see her better. They could all see the blush creeping up her cheeks and all down her neck despite how she was trying to hide in Ben's neck.

"Aren't you glad you're not gonna be outnumbered anymore?"

#ben hardy #ben x reader #ben hardy imagine #imagine #BoRhap #dad! ben #gwilym lee #teachers pet

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pink-peony-princess · 4 years

Text

Ruin

-Ellen-

I stood staring in the bathroom mirror at the large pink scar that snaked across my forehead from my left temple to just above my right eyebrow.

It had been almost three months now, and I was still in pain, some days it felt like I couldn't escape it.

I lifted my shirt to show my tummy, yet another angry looking pink scar this one jagged from where the glass had gotten me. It still pain, dull ache ever-present, the itch constant. I frowned, frustrated with how long everything was taking to heal.

"Morning baby," Shawn whispered into my neck,coming to rest his head softly on my shoulder and smiling at me in the mirror.

"Hey," I couldn't help the small smile that pulled at the corner of my lips. He was so beautiful, even first thing in the morning, dressed in an ugly washed-out green coloured pair of scrubs,ready for another day as a doctor in the local emergency department.

"What was that frown I saw before I walked in?" he asked, still watching me in the mirror.

I sighed, "Im just sick of being sore and having these ugly scars all over my body. I can't get it out of my head," I whispered, feeling the tears welling up, an all to familiar occurance these days.

"It's gonna take some time baby," he murmured, pulling me to his chest and holding me tightly.

"Yeah I know," I sighed leaning back into his hold. He really had been the best thing and he had quite literally saved my life, both physically and mentally. Our relationship had never felt forced, we'd just naturally fallen for one another, but if I was being honest I would never have imagined to be where I was today three months ago.

-Three Months Earlier-

-Third person-

"This is a trauma call for an eta of ten minutes," a voice came over the Emergency Department intercom.

"I hate trauma calls," Brian sighed as he got geared up, placing the label that declared him to be team leader onto his protective gown, before pulling a fresh pair of gloves on to replace the ones he had just used to help stitch up a little girl's head after she took a tumble.

"Is the bed all ready?" he asked, ducking his head around the curtain of the only free bay in the department. It had been one of those nights, and it was only eight, meaning that he was only two hours into a twelve-hour shift.

"Almost," his college, and fellow critical care doctor, Connor spoke as he wheeled the crash cart into place, and situated the supplies draw.

"What do we know so far?" Michael, another doctor asked, coming to stand by the other two doctors.

"Adult female, hit and run, while crossing the street." Connor spoke, while glancing down to check his watch for the time remaining before they were set to arrive.

"That sounds nasty," Michael commented, wincing slightly in sympathy. "It's a good thing the nurses decided to page Ortho I suppose, it sounds like you'll be needing my expertise," he turned to face his colleague.

"I hate to say it, but I'd have to agree," Brian replied, sharing a knowing look with the other two doctors.

All three of them knew that pedestrian hit and runs where never good, and there was a high rate of critical injuries sustained, and of course these were usually inflicted on the innocent party. They didn't speak for several minutes, each fidgeting, just wanting to start helping the poor girl already. They didn't say it, but they knew it wouldn't be pretty. This has been confirmed when they got a message via one of the nurses, saying that Shawn, one of their friends and fellow colleague, and, emergency care physician was on route to the scene of the accident after the paramedics requested his help. This was not something that happened ogten, and only when completely necessary. The hospital liked to keep Ashton there as his expertise was so useful in many of the situations that the department faced.

-Ellen-

All I could feel was pain. Pain everywhere. Every inch of my body was hurting.

I tried to piece together how I had come to be here, but was met with some unknown resistance when I tried to turn my head, and survey my surroundings. "Stay still honey. We're going to get you to the hospital shortly, but just bear with us okay," a voice spoke from somewhere above my head. It was then that I became aware of the hands touching me, and instinctively I tried to pull away. "Dave, I think It'll be best to sedate her for the time being," a different voice spoke. That was the last thing I was aware of before I woke to bright lights, and calm, but still somehow urgent, voices.

-Third Person-

When Shawn and Dave arrived on scene, it was worse then they had expected. The poor girl was laying in the middle of what would normally be a busy street, onlookers everywhere watching with baited breath. "Can we move some of these guys out of here?" Shawn asked one of the many police officers that were standing around, waiting for direction. The last thing his patient needed was an audience when they were completely defenceless.

When they finally managed to push their way through the crowd of people, and get the relevant equipment set up, it was to find that things were much more complicated and critical then they had first thought.

"What do we know?" Dave, the paramedic on the case asked.

"They've not been able to give us much, but they're saying that someone ran a red, hit her, and took off. They're trying to run the plates now, track the person down," a burly police officer spoke. " I'll leave you guys to it," he spoke, patting them both on the shoulder, before getting up and going to help the other officers control the swelling crowds,"

As they both surveyed the situation, the injuries were clear to see. The girl had dislocated her left shoulder, broken her collarbone, and from the blood soaking through her pants and the angle of her right ankle, she had a compound fracture. Perhaps more concerning though was the blood that was fishing from a open head wound above her eyebrow, and flowing from her nose. The latter was usually a sign of internal bleeding.

"Hello?" Shawn spoke, as Dave started getting the collar ready. "If you can hear me, give my hand a squeeze okay," he continued slipping his gloved hand into the girl's bloody one, and praying there was a response.

After a moment there was, and they both thanked the heavens.

"Sweetheart, my name is Shawn, I'm a doctor, and this is Dave. Can you remember your name?" Shawn asked, leaning down in the hopes of hearing the young woman's response.

"Ellen," she whispered. It was barley there, but it was still a response.

"Okay Ellen, this is going to be uncomfortable, but we need to put this collar on you so that you don't hurt your neck or back okay. And then we'll get you to the hospital," Dave reassured her, before going about fixing the hard plastic to the girl. Both the medics had had to put the collar on to experience what it was like for the patients, and it was uncomfortable to say the least. Neither one could fathom how bad it would be to have injuries on top of this.

They both felt dreadful when Ellen started trying to claw at the collar, desperately trying to get it off, tears flooding down her bloody face.

"I know sweets, it's okay," Shawn tried to comfort her once they were in the ambulance and had hooked her up to an I.V. with pain medication.

"Shawn, I think It'll be best to sedate her for the time being," he informed his partner, getting the sedative ready.

"Can you check her vitals again please?" he requested, "And get some oxygen on her for good measure," he added, before stepping out of the ambulance and heading to the driver's side. "I think she's stable enough to go," he added, before starting towards the hospital with lights and sirens on, indicating that this was a life-threatening situation.

In the back of the vehicle, Shawn was going about checking her pupil reaction, which turned out to be slow, indicating a moderate concussion. After this, he placed a mask on the girl, ensuring that the saturation levels were as high as possible, as after attaching her to the relative monitors, it was found that she was only satting a 80%.

Finally, he went about checking the heart and lungs, and by this point they were beginning to pull into the hospital, which relieved the medic immensely.

They were met with a team of people at the entrance, Shawn was glad to see this included his three colleagues, Michael, Connor and Brian.

"What do we have?" Brian asked, stepping behind the gurney to help Shawn push it now that Dave had left on a new call.

"This is Ellen, she was hit by a car side-on while crossing the road. She's got a dislocated shoulder, broken collar bone and a compound fracture to the ankle. Possible internal bleeding and concussion. The paramedic also found some swelling, possibly indicating spleen bruising. Lacerations to the head, with nasal bleeding. Her BP is low, same with heart rate, lungs sound normal, standard dose of pain medication given on route." He finished as they made it to the bay that had been set up before their arrival.

"Okay, I want a CT, scan of the head and abdomen and spine, and can someone get me an ultrasound machine, stat, and in the mean time let's get her hooked moved on the the bed so we can start preliminary examinations. On my count!" Brian commanded, directing the team in transferring her safely to the hospital bed.

-Ellen-

The first thing I was aware of when I came to be was the bright lights above me, making me want to shut my eyes again almost instantly. After this, it was an annoying tickling sensation on my face. I moved my hand to try and swipe it away, but was met with resistance.

"Leave it there, Ellen," a calm voice spoke. A young man came into view then. "My name is Brian I'm one of the doctors looking after you, do you know where you are?"

"In the hospital," I answered, beginning to feel overwhelmed at the gravity of the situation, which was only made worse when I realised I couldn't move anything apart from my arms.

"Just try to stay nice and calm for me, you'll be fine, we just need to do a few tests and then we should be able to get you out of this contraption," he smiled sympathetically.

"Shawn?" he called. Another youngish looking doctor, this time with tanned skin, dark hair curly hair and several visible tattoos came over.

"You called?" he asked, before turning to me. "Hi Ellen, my names Shawn," he introduced himself with a smile, "I'm another one of the doctors."

"I want to roll her to do a spinal check,"

"No problem, so on three, I'm going to roll you onto your side and Brian is going to check for sensation." He explained to me, seeing the confusion I was feeling.

A few minutes later, they determined that my spine was fine, and this was confirmed by scans they had done when I was out, that came back fine.

"There you go, that's got to feel better," Shawn smiled, readjusting the blankets to provide me with more modesty.

"Ellen, are you in any pain?" Brian asked, coming over and shining a small light in my eyes.

"My tummy is really sore, and my shoulder and chest area," I told him.

"Okay, I'll get the nurse to increase the hourly dosage, there's no reason you should be in pain. You'll probably still be a little sore though, you've got a bruised spleen, which given time will heal, but you'll be tender for a while. As for your chest, you broke your collar bone on impact. We've put your arm into a sling to help limit the movement and give it an opportunity to heal. You did dislocate your other shoulder though, and we're going to have to put it back into place- don't worry though, we've got Michael doing it for you, and we're going to dose you up so you won't remember a thing," he laughed, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"You needed me?" yet another doctor walked in, dyed blonde hair, sitting across his face. "Sorry," he added, "There was an emergency in the pit,"

"Ellen, this is Michael, are you ready?" Shawn asked.

"Mmmmm?" I responded unsure.

"You'll be fine," he responded, going to adjust my meds.

To the say that the process was painful would be the understatement of the year, and I may have called all three of them some uncomplimentary names, but after the fact I got some immediate relief.

The rest of the night was spent getting my many cuts stitched up, with the doctors, helping to keep me distracted by talking to me about my everyday life. I ended up in tears when I was introduced to Shawn again,apparently I'd met him a few times before, but I really couldn't remember, who I was told was one of the main people who got me to the hospital. "It's okay," he had spoken, giving me a gentle hug. "It's what we do!" he smiled, grabbing a tissue and wiping the tears off my face.

"They told me you're studying vet science?" he asked, sitting down on a chair next to the bed Connor another doctor and Brian went back to stitching me up. I felt my whole face break into a smile.

"Yep, I'm already a certified carer, but I wanted to take the next step."

"I really admire that," he told me, "Hopefully we'll be able to get that ankle of yours fixed up first thing tomorrow and onto the road of recovery." he spoke, referring to the compound fracture in my ankle that Shawn had told me about not long after I woke. Admittedly, I had thrown up when he told me what a compound fracture was, and had gone into a panic when he explained it would need surgery, but he had calmed me quickly.

"You'll be fine, you've got the best Ortho in the place working on you, Michael. You won't know anything happened once he's done, and you're all healed.

The coming weeks were filled with highs and lows, the surgery went well, and there was no post op infection, something that made all the doctors very happy, however the pain was almost unbearable at times, and they had to give me multiple pep talks to get me through it. I did it though, we their help.

The experience had helped to shape me, and when it was finally time to leave, I knew that I was leaving with four new friends.

But the one person I could always count on was Shawn. He helped me through everything, physio appointments, monthly reviews but above everything else he was a shoulder to lean on, someone to cry to when things got tough. And I guess through all of that our relationship had blossomed without us even realising. But one thing was for sure...

-Present Day-

I turned smiling now, as Shawn looked down at me I uttered the five words that meant so much to me.

"You save me from Ruin."

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagines #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes blurb #doctor!shawn #mendes triplets #werewolf!shawn #peter mendes #raul mendes #shawnblr

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morwensteelsheen · 3 years

Text

WIP wednesday thoughts:

willow cabin is utterly fucked because i changed my intended ~moral~ halfway through and now im stuck trying to integrate this shitty political intrigue plot into what should’ve been a more interesting story about éowyn adapting to life in gondor. hugely fucking annoyed by it and just totally unsure how to proceed. i could significantly increase the chapter count, but im worried that because the initial framing device was this bandits shit that closing out that plot and then still going for ages afterwards would be really shitty? i honestly don’t know, it’s so difficult. really i just need someone to read my outline and tell me if im being a dumb twat about it lol

meanwhile I know exactly where I want to go with AFTA but for some unaccountable reason im stressed that my ass is gonna get roasted for the direction i want to take it in. it’s all based in both tolkien’s personal politics and (some) historical precedent, but im worried people are gonna see it as a marysue-ification? but also im hoping to do sthg of a sequel to afta to practice the political intrigue writing so i don’t make the same mistakes i did in wc, and to do that it would require this specific set up in AFTA. im gonna put my AFTA thing under the cut so don’t click read more unless you’re gucci with potential AFTA spoilers!!

this royal affair au is definitely gonna get published at some point but im trying to decide if i want to do ~tasteful~ smut that drives a longer narrative or if im really just gonna do a whole 3,000 word build up to some run of the mill, old fashioned PWP lmao

okay so i have spent a Lot of time thinking about what impact i think éowyn and faramir would have on each other in a pre-ring war setting, and the honest to god conclusion ive come to is that they would somewhat inadvertently egg on each other’s (wildly divergent) idealism.

faramir’s an idealist politically in ways that, as Big D rightly points out, are not super productive in a wartime scenario. but so far as im concerned, the war doesn’t feel as warlike until they have to blow the bridge at osgiliath. until that point, there’s not really anything to say that faramir’s whole throwback optimism isn’t a perfectly justifiable position to have.

but what that idealism is and how it manifests are two really important considerations. the crux of his idealistic politics is that he looks at númenor and sees something valuable in it, and looks at gondor and sees a lot that he thinks is fucked up. outside of articulating a general angst towards the glory hunting, it’s not like he’s spending time talking about his specific policy prescriptions. however, we do know a few things that can guide us to a more coherent reconstruction of his politics:

he’s pretty rigidly hierarchical (when it’s convenient for him). as seen in: him basically telling sam to fuck off and stay in his lane in WOTW, and in how and when he chooses to refer to his father as ‘father’ vs ‘my lord’ or ‘lord of the city’ in the aftermath of the osgiliath retreat and then before he gets his ass sent back there. i don’t want to go into too much detail here but if i go with this i’ll definitely justify it more thoroughly in the footnotes.

so we’ve got faramir’s emphasis on hierarchy and his occasional (when convenient) belief that the upper echelons of a hierarchy are there because they’re intellectually and/or morally better. or, maybe to remove the causation from that instance, because they are in those upper echelons, they have an obligation to be more morally/intellectually upstanding, and the people in the structure below them have an obligation to show deference. unless you’re faramir and you’re dealing with denethor in which case that all goes out the window. classic.

we know there is some sort of nascent pseudo-democratic tradition of popular sovereignty in gondor. we know this because faramir asks the masses at aragorn’s coronation if they’ll accept him as king. faramir is a lot of things, but he is certainly not a progressive political radical, and i cannot imagine any situation in which he cooked up that rigmarole himself. that then implies to me that it’s building on some sort of political/cultural expectation in gondor. so: some sort of relationship to popular legitimacy. the people of gondor are subjects, but perhaps not as totally passive and unconsidered in the power structure as we might assume given the comparability to feudal europe/asia.

given those two things, i want to use AFTA to argue:

that faramir, in looking to assign blame for the faults he sees in gondor, would not directly assign blame to the lower classes, but rather to the aristocracy, because he will have seen them as failing in their moral obligations to the people they rule over. this is not to say that he isn’t fucked off about The People™ valorising war, but i think he’d take the position that they couldn’t possibly be expected to form those values and opinions of their own volition, and the fault lies in their rules. faramir: not gramscian.

faramir lacks any power that is non-military, and even that is of questionable worth because the rangers seem to be fairly distinct to the general structure of the army, and are not exactly a huge force.

faramir lacking any political power isn’t necessarily a huge concern for him (as in, he’s not actively trying to change that), because he knows he’s not going to lead a moral revolution and isn’t interested in taking up the responsibilities having political capital would engender because he’s stuck dealing with this war, that he fucking hates btw has he mentioned that he hates it?

however, given that he is apparently eminently versed in lore and scholarship, he is probably keenly aware that there is this incipient notion of popular legitimacy somewhere in gondor’s culture. it’s not, for most of his life, knowledge that actually does anything for him, but it is there.

éowyn, meanwhile, doesn’t really have many strong political convictions (yet). not because she’s a dumbass or whatever, but because she looks at court politics as kind of a farce, and doesn’t believe that power legitimately emanates from anywhere that isn’t a Big Fucking Army. and why, strictly speaking, would she not think that? the event that brought about the creation of her kingdom was not careful, soft spoken negotiation, it was her ancestors being in the right place at the right time with a Big Fucking Army.

and the internal politics of the Riddermark actually seem to be fairly stable, all things considered. i sincerely doubt that Théoden or Th��odred are having to negotiate complex politicking in the way Denethor and Boromir are. so where, then, would éowyn see that kind of political behaviour outside gondor? with gríma.

éowyn, then, will see the immediate contrast between gríma (backroom dealer, manipulator extraordinaire) and théoden (owner of Big Fucking Army). and gríma goes and fucking wins that fight. that forces éowyn to confront the fact that, jesus christ, maybe there are different types of power.

at the same time, she’s going to be in minas tirith and needing to cover for théoden letting his shit get wrecked. not just because she’s prideful, which of course she is, but because if denethor/gondor think that théoden is too weak to hold up his end of the bargain, why would they ever go help the Mark? éowyn, seeing that théoden’s f-f-fucked, knows that there’s a very very good chance the Mark will need help.

against her feelings about courtly politics, she starts to accept that she’s going to need to do something to get power in gondor. not anything substantial, it’s not like she’s trying to overthrow anybody, but enough that when push comes to shove she can force denethor to help out the Mark (if he doesn’t do so willingly).

but, as ive sort of already shown in AFTA, she’s a bit of a dogshit diplomat. good for a little big-brawny-enforcer stuff, but not exactly brimming with cultural sensitivity. by the time she realises théoden + the Mark are fucked, she’ll have burnt quite a few bridges with the gondorrim nobles, and it’s not like she’s the sort of person to go running cap-in-hand begging for mercy.

so: she has to look elsewhere. and wow! a chance for faramir to do his favourite thing — talk about his opinions! and by god, his weird idealistic politics are… actually kind of helpful? because he’s like, look, you’re never gonna be a diplomat, but there are other ways of consolidating power. and one of those ways is by appealing to The People™. so why not work that angle?

and actually, we know that this is a viable route for éowyn because hama, in arguing for her to take up the mantle of théoden’s heir when théoden and éomer fuck off to helm’s deep, basically says that The People™ love her and would have willingly chosen her to lead them.

we also know, based on faramir’s middle men speech, that the people of gondor and the mark have grown alike in nature. not totally unreasonable to then think that the people of gondor would take to her like the people of the mark did.

éowyn, then, in various ways begins to try to win over the people of minas tirith. i need to do a little more research on this bc what ive got on the practicalities of that so far are a bit, uhhh, sketchy, but the least jargony way to describe this is to point to when natalie dormer’s character in GOT gets out of the carriage to go hug and kiss some babies. (marc bloch, eat your heart out)

this would later segue into a potential sequel where, while trying to secure the way for aragorn’s coronation, éowyn actually plays an interesting role because she’s fallen into this incidental Diana, People’s Princess™ role and so is better positioned than almost anyone to go advocate on his behalf. wow! cool! éowyn getting to be politically useful in more ways than just getting hitched!

so yeah. that’s how i am thinking it might play out. this would obviously have a rolling impact on the remainder of AFTA and how certain (🔥) events pan out later, but i think that building up part has to begin pretty much now, narratively. also this lets me get in a reference to “and then her heart changed, or else at last she understood it” and have it not be almost entirely about wanting to shag faramir, but actually about her gradual evolution from valorising war above all else to being like, hmm, maybe there are other ways of being powerful. which i think still largely captures the “no longer I will vie with the great riders” stuff, but more subtly and without feeling quite so… deferential, I guess? Like it’s not that she’s swapping one form of power (violence) for nothing (gardening?? healing?? tolkien accidental articulation of necropolitics??) but swapping violence for a different type of more sustainable power.

yeah. that’s the take, basically. who fucking knows.

#e writes

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faroutharry · 4 years

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You feel, I feel

Hey guys, this is my first Harry writing, sorry if it is really shit, feel free to send me ideas for more writing, im very excited to get into this.

length: 2.7k

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Harry’s new album was coming out in less than a week and he was going crazy thinking about how his fans were going to react. “But baby what if everyone hates it?” Harry pouts at me from his spot on the bed, his eyes still puffy and his voice groggy from just waking up. “They aren’t gonna hate it H, they will love it because it comes from you and your heart” I give him a big smile through the mirror across the room. “Hmmmmp” He flops back onto our bed with a big grunt. “Maybe I would be more confident if you listened it to first…” Harry quietly says as he pokes one eye over the duvet. I spin around quickly looking at him as if he has two heads. “What?” He’s using those little puppy dog eyes and staring up at me with hope. “You really want me to listen to it?”

I can’t even begin to explain how tense I feel about his question, On one hand of course I want to listen to it, because he’s my loving boyfriend and he had already told me that there were certain songs that I had influenced. But on the other hand he had also stressed to me that certain songs have been influenced by “other people”. The second he said “other people” like that I knew exactly what he meant, and as heart breaking as it is to me that he has obviously had previous partners, I knew this day would be coming and as selfish as I am, I have been trying to put off listening to the album in fear that I would ruin it for him. I know I’m nothing compared to his pervious relationships and that’s something I need to work through and definitely not something he needs to worry about. Another reason for me avoiding the album is well, I just love him so much that even hearing him talk about his previous pains gives me pain, I can’t even begin to explain how sad it makes me to think that someone has broken his heart like that. Before we started dating we were amazingly close friends, and I cant even tell how many times I walked into his place to hear his strangled cries from shower or his angry yelling in the kitchen. I just want to cuddle him in a big blanket and shelter him from the worry and hurt.

“Of course I want you to listen to it, your opinion is one of the only ones I truly care about baby” He slowly rises from the bed and walks his way over to me, wrapping his hands around my waist and staring at me in the mirror. I try my absolute best to seem as excited as I can be, because I am excited, well for most of the songs. “I would be honoured to hear your album H” I wriggle around in his arms and kiss his lips briefly before hiding my face in his neck. I can hear his heart start beating faster as he says “Really? Thank you so much petal, I can go and get my laptop and show you now if you’re free?” With a pleading look on his face how could I possibly say no? “Yeah sounds good bub”. He runs off without another word into his office.

I try to prepare myself by focusing on my breathing and counting to 10 slowly. By the time I’m done Harry is racing back into the room with his laptop secured in his arms. He jumps onto the bed and pats the spot next to him. I carefully walk back over to my side of the bed and hesitantly get back under the covers, if I’m going to do this I’m gonna be as comfy as possible on the outside, because my insides are going to be a wreck. “You ready baby?” H looks over at me with his childlike grin and I shake my head yes “Just don’t interrupt though, I wanna hear it the whole way through”. As the intro to Golden starts I breathe in quietly and silently pray it’s not about someone else. Harry stares at me intently as I try not to focus on him right now. I close my eyes and lie down to try to distract him from my anxieties. As Golden ends and Watermelon Sugar starts I start to calm down and juts enjoy his heavenly voice as I know the next 3 songs are ones I have already heard and, from what I think I know, they aren’t based on any ex’s of his. But then Cherry starts…

This is what I was worried about. As soon as I hear her voice I know I’m screwed. My heart is going crazy in my chest and I struggle to keep my tears to myself. I slowly look over to Harry and see that he is staring up at the ceiling and I am grateful he’s not looking at me right now, cause I know he would stop the music and ask me what is wrong. So I suck it up and try to listen to the song over my rapid heartbeat. Hearing him say he misses certain things about his ex is never easy and I swallow down my insecurities and try to focus on the guitars or backing vocals, so I don’t have to listen to the words. Just when I think the gut wrenching song is over, I let out a small sigh of relief. But then her voice fills my ears again, her gorgeous accent and girly laugh flow through me like an alarm, only I can’t wake up from this nightmare because it’s happening in real life.

I look to the computer screen as I now see Harry has also closed his eyes next to me, and see the next song if Falling. If the song title is anything to go by, I think I’m in for a sad time. Harry’s phenomenal vocals distract me long enough to not really listen to the words, but I get the gist and it makes me sink further into my miserable state. I can hear Harry slightly sniffling and so I take that as an okay to silently cry myself. I get through the rest of the songs relatively easy, my heart gets a break during Sunflower Vol.6 and Treat People With Kindness, and right when I think it’s over, Fine Line comes on.

As I’m listening I slowly start to piece things together and realise that, hopefully, this one is about us. Our relationship had a rough start with mixed communication and missed opportunities, but I very clearly remember rocking him in my arms as his drunken tears covered my shoulder, and I repeated the words “We’ll be alright” until he fell asleep in my arms on his kitchen floor. I can’t help the tears flowing down my face anymore and Harry finally notices as I feel his arms pull me onto his chest and he kisses my forehead. As the song fades out I sniffle back my tears and turn to shove my arms around him in a giant bear hug. I push all my feelings aside and look him dead in the eyes as I say the one sentence I know he really wants to hear. “I am so proud of you H”

The next week Harry was super busy leading up to the release of Fine Line and, as I promised him, everyone loved it. His fans were going crazy about it and about a certain song as well, clearly I was not the only one shocked to hear her voice on Cherry. The fans quickly figured out what it translated to in English and though it was a pretty meaningless conversation it still kind of hurt that Harry kept it.

Being the loving supportive girlfriend that I was obviously I played the album around the house, mostly when Harry wasn’t around so that I could skip a few songs to save me the heart ache. But a certain night, when Harry wasn’t due home till late, I was washing the dishes whilst singing to Lights Up and I didn’t hear Harry sneak in the front door. He stood by the doorframe behind me so I couldn’t see the smug look on his face as he watches me sing and dance slightly to his song. When I heard that the song was ending I spoke up. “Alexa, skip 2 songs”. I am a little grateful that I didn’t realise Harry was there cause the look on his face would have shattered me. He slowly turns back to the door with a dejected look on his face. He re opens the front door and shuts it louder in hopes that I will hear it. I turn around with a smile on my face and call out to him. “Hey baby, I’m in the kitchen”. He walks into my line of vision and I can see he looks upset. “You okay H? Bad day?” He shrugs slightly at my question and he quietly states, “Yeah it was alright, I’ll just be in the shower”. His usual loving self is nowhere to be seen and I start to worry. He should be happy, his album is amazing and all his fans love it. So I hurried to dry my hands and race up the stairs after him.

I can hear the shower already running so I open the bathroom door quietly and stick my head in. “H baby are you alright?” I can hear him whimper gently and I waste no time in opening the shower curtain and hopping into the shower fully clothed to hold him. When I do I see he didn’t manage to get his clothes off either and it makes me seriously start to panic because Harry was always the stable one holding me usually. He cries are like daggers to my heart as I plead with him to tell me what’s wrong. “H are you alright? Are you hurt? What’s happened?” He just sobs louder and can’t even get his words out. So I just hold him tightly and slowly try to get him out of his clothes while he cries in my arms. Once I finally get both our clothes off I quickly reached down to plug the bathtub so we can have a bath, because all the crying and water is making it hard for H to breathe.

Once the tub is full, I slowly move Harry down into the water, situating him in from of me so I can wrap him in a giant bear hug. After a while his crying subsides and I ask him again quietly “Harry you wanna talk about it now?” My quiet voice startles him and he slowly lets out a big sigh as he whispers, “I knew this would happen” His voice sounds so broken I just want to take all his pain away. “Baby what are you talking about? What happened?” He gently turns around in my arms so he is facing me. “Cherry” he huffs dejectedly, my breath catches in my throat and I look at him confused. “I know I should of warned you about her being on the song and I swear I was going to I just didn’t know what to say and I know how awful it must have been to hear me sing about her and then hear her at the end and I even…” His rambling is making me confused and he’s starting to speak faster and I can barely understand him towards the end. “H” I try to cut in on his outburst but he can’t even focus on me as I see him start to crumble again. “Harry… Harry!!!” I grab ahold of his gesturing hands and get him to look at me. “It’s fine baby, it was a shock but it’s fine I promise you, it’s a great song”. He looks at me like he knows I’m lying and says, “You don’t mean that” I go to open my mouth to rebut him but I can’t get any words out. “I heard you skip my songs when you were in the kitchen before…” The look on his face makes me hate myself; I quickly shake my head as I feel tears start to escape from my eyes. “Baby I only skip those songs because it makes my heart hurt to feel you sing with such emotion and pain. I physically can’t listen to you sing about your heartbreak because it breaks mine right back. I can’t even explain to you how mad and upset it makes me that she ever made you feel that way and I don’t ever want you, or me for that matter, to ever feel that way again because my heart can’t take it.” He slowly looks up from the bubbles in the bath to meet my tear filled eyes. “I just love you so much H that I don’t want to ever hear or see you in pain, I swear I think it’s a great song, almost too good, because it makes me feel so emotional” Before I can continue Harry cuts me off with a kiss so deep I cant even think straight. He slowly leans back and pulls me on top of him so im straddling his hips. His hands move around my waist as I grab hold of his neck. I can feel all our love in this kiss and even though both of our tears and some snot is mixed in, it’s the best kiss we have ever shared.

As I pull away, I look into Harry’s eyes and I see his smile start to come back as he kisses my forehead before I place my head onto his chest. And for that moment we just sit there in a comfortable silence and bask in out love. After a while I slowly pull myself up out of bath and with my pruned fingers I grab ahold of Harry and help him out of the tub too. We both dry off and get each other into our pyjamas. As we both get in bed we lie facing each other and I give him a small nose kiss as I say “ H, I so sorry I didn’t tell you about your song, I didn’t wanna upset you about it because its only my opinion, not every ones” Harry pulls me into his chest as he rests his head on top of mine. “I know baby it’s okay, I just love you so much that I couldn’t stand you hating my songs, I know it sounds stupid but I just adore you and your opinion is so important to me, and I know I should of told you about her but I knew it would make you upset and I promised myself I would never do that” I can feel his tears falling onto my head and I lift mine up to look at him. “I just can’t live without you petal and I couldn’t stand to see you mad at me, I’m so sorry” I kiss his tears away and then plant one on his lips before I say “I love you too much H, you could never say or do anything that would make me want to leave, and I know how pathetic that sounds but I just think you’re my soul mate and I couldn’t live without you either baby” His eyes spew more tears, this time of happiness and his grin spreads to his cute little dimples. “Just incase you were wondering Adore You and Sunflower are about you, about how happy you make me and how you make me feel.” I smile up at him with a shocked look on my face; a cheeky grin spreads across my face as I giggle to him “What? You mean Watermelon Sugar isn’t about me?” Hearing his infectious laugh warms my heart and he starts tickling my sides. “Of course its about you petal, im addicted to your taste you know that” And with that he starts sucking on my neck making me laugh as his prickly bread tickles me. I may never be able to go back in time and un-break Harry’s heart, but I can always ensure it doesn’t happen again.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS!!! LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH, IF YOU COULD PLEASE SHARE THIS OR LIKE IT, IT WOULD MEAN ALOT TO ME!!!! Don’t forget to send me ideas pleaseeeeee!! :)

#harry styles imagines #Harry Styles #harry styles writing #harry styles series #harry styles story #one direction #one direction imagines #one direction stories #fine line #imagines #niall horan imagines #fanfic #fanfiction #harry edward styles #love #songs #watermelon sugar #cherry #falling

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satellite-trash · 4 years

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(kind of depressing) psychological analysis of jack atlas --involving ramen.

So, if youve watched YGO 5Ds entirely (meaning the subbed version as the dub never finishes the ending season) you’d have picked up on Jack’s obsession with instant cup ramen, which would be fine for any character really but it seems out of character for the pompous, upper-class (wannabe), arrogant luxurious Jack Atlas aka THE KING.

But actually it reveals a lot about him, and actually is really depressing... There is a massive link between ramen and his lost childhood.

In season 1 we see NO sign of this obsession or even care for ramen. The only thing he obsesses over to any degree is a) duelling Yusei to claim King b) saving Carly from the Dark Signers or arguably c) trying to figure out his own character as a king (after beaten by Yusei)

But, in Season 2 where he is (arguably...) “redeemed” from villain to teammate/rival, he gains a bit of comedic flare with his obsession with the cheap ramen cups. (and expensive posh coffee). The coffee obsession suits him. But cheap instant ramen?

His obsession starts Episode 80, where Lazar/Yaeger steals Team 5Ds’ engine programme as well as a cup of ramen. Jack’s reaction is... comedic?

He’s more pissed at the fact his ramen was taken than the whole important, irreplaceable engine programme theft. Comedic. But his irritation at losing ramen continues in episodes 114-5, where again lazar/yager steals some ramen he wouldve bought and his reaction is...

He is in total fear of just not having ramen. In fact, he even hoards it - shown in episode 115 where he brings it out to give to lazar.

This is the episode that makes all this comedy turn dark and really depressing.

He reveals that the flavour of ramen reminds him of childhood at Martha’s, sharing it with Yusei, Crow, and the other orphans. This means that his obsession is like a psychological association to childhood, like sensory association, like how many people can recognise and get nostalgic over smells and tastes without even knowing why. Jack hoards and eats ramen defensively because he longs for childhood - whether its the relationship he had with friends or the carelessness of childhood, he misses it in comparison to adult life. I mean... who can blame him - theres a reason why so so so many conditions exist mentally that cause people to retract into childhood behaviours, like the whole AdultBaby lifestyle (wont get into it but the platonic side of it is a longing for childhood often lost) or where people continue hobbies such as certain toy collecting etc that they did as kids, OR that they longed to do as kids but just couldnt do for whatever reason/restriction.

he even wants recognition from Yusei for remembering that flavour/memory:

This is why he makes no mention of this in Season 1. Jack S1 was all about the present -no future nor past. He hated his past in Satellite w Yusei etc, openly wanting to ignore it, perhaps guilty for stealing Yusei’s card etc or overall hating that limited and depressive situation. (I have a headcanon Jack genuinely fell into a depression in Satellite and just acted to get out, but thats too deep for this current time lmao)

Because he didnt want ANY reminder of his past (hence hatred of Yusei, Crow, Kalin, and the entirety of Satellite, or “Satellite scum/trash” as he calls them in the dub), he doesnt want ramen.

But, S2, he is reformed and has his old friends back, and even martha has accepted him back. So, he realises the error of his ways, and reclines into his lost and mentally more stable childhood. Through ramen.

His childhood wasnt happier - satellite was at its worst, they were struggling, he had no freedom, in comparison to the S2 situation where he achieved duelling fame, has friends back, and satellite and Neo Domino are united (kinda)

BUT maybe he wants to go back and correct things? Or live a guilt-less and resent-less life again, not having done any wrong? I mean this is impossible to say, but clearly his ramen obsession, now being linked w childhood, means a longing to go back for some reason.

It’s clear he shows regret or sadness over childhood/lost childhood: the only time he cries in the show with tears are over memories from childhood with ramen;

His face is streaming with tears because of Lazar’s story about ramen and childhood which he related to. He is SO intensely emotional over ramen that it does come of as comedic, which is really strange for the rival character as serious/uptight as jack. I mean, could you imagine Kaiba ever acting like this over, idk, cereal? maybe one time he shared a bowl of cornflakes with mokuba and now he cries every morning eating his cereal because of those memories. idk.

this is 115 when Sherry cuts the pile of ramen boxes out of impatience, Jack is IN HORROR of his prized collection being attacked like this. its like she’s cutting up his childhood memories or something. I mean, it basically is, apparently.

...

His comment to Crow summarises all this, 114. He has just screamed at Lazar for stealing “his” ramen (it was the old lady’s but ok jack) Crow asks him to calm down

its right, he cant, no one can. Its something in his mind relating to his childhood, losing ramen or even being in a situation where his ramen might not be “his” safely, unsettles Jack. Ramen represents his childhood in some regard, and the anxiety of losing it causes him to become incredibly defensive and on edge.

im sorry for this random and kinda deep/depressing take on Jack. I know we should be thinking positive rn in the current global pandemic, but i just needed to get this analysis thing out there (more a rant actually) because it really struck me when S2 made jack have a weird “comedic” element about him, in his reformed state. It’s not so much comedic, but deep and suiting his character. His obsession over ramen is not just a gag to make him more like a good-guy now he is teammates with Crow and Yusei etc, but it develops his character and gives him reformation in a completely different sense -- it doesnt force his goodness out by just making him into a comedy-relief, but rather gives him emotional backing for his mistakes and wrongdoing in the previous season, and actusally makes it kind of depressing how he arrogantly tried to forget and destroy his past in Satellite with his friends.

gimme any thoughts you have on this, if you made it this far through the rant (i applaud and love you if you did!!)

i thought of all this because in the current global situation, most people are limited inside and getting depressing, sometimes its better to mentally retract and go back to better times when this whole thing wasnt going on, and for Jack that was childhood. Sorry for philosophical rant lol, at 1am in the morning for my part of the world~

here is funny pic to say sorry and lighten the mood~

(that chef has seen some dark things in his life... )

#jack atlas #yugioh 5ds #yugioh #deep #character rant #im really sorry lol #ramen #cupramenshipping #there is a reason that exists eeeeee #psychology #have a good night as i wont now

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uwuowotf2waslife · 4 years

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How would they react to their S/O either being pregnant or wants a child? (You can ignore this if you already answered it)

Im a sucker for parent mercs headcanons

tw: mentions of abortions, miscarriages and a very sad ending

Scout -will have an aneurism, but also will also hug you and spend a whole day just run around announcing to anyone he sees that hell become a dad -given the fact he never had a perminant paternal figure throughout his life, except his older brothers or his moms boyfriends from time to time, he will be at least insecure and nervous about the whole procedure. He has seen pregnant women yes, but he has never been the one who impregnated them. He loathes hell end up like his dad and become a deadbeat, but he also knows how much life sucks without a dad so he’ll man up and with some reasurrance from S/O he will become a much, much better than his. Soldier -proudly announces to the whole base than a new recruit will be arriving in approximately 9 months and prepares accordingly. -he makes a crib with the help of Engie and makes blankets and clothes with the help of Heavy, even asks medic for advice on how to treat common baby sicknesses or just tips to how make their arrival/ first year on the world easier. Will help you around but will insist you take it easy. Will spend lazy nights or evenings talking to your belly, telling his adventures/ stories from the war or just american history ( his version tho).

Pyro

( idk how to write about them sorry chief)

Engie

-this texan will pick you up and pepper you in kisses, It isn’t a secret, his biggest dream since he was a young man was to become a father and now itll finnaly become a reality. Hell become emotional ngl, he will cry and just hold you as tight he can without hurting the baby.

-he will make from scratch everything youll ever use for the baby up to their college graduation( Engie why we need a crib with a mini-sentry?) and will baby proof the whole house/ base/ workshop. Lowkey will baby you during the pregnancy, especially the last months before the birth, he can’t believe his child will finnaly come in his life and he can’t stop spoiling you because he feels somewhat bad for the hardships of pregnancy ( morning sickness, back pain, the bby being a wannabe rodeo horse, the ussual)

Demo

-drinks a whole barrel of scrumpy after you announced that to him and passes out.

-wakes up and basically has both a panic attack and just so much joy, he has never felt that way in all of his life. Will try to stay as sober as he can druing the pregnancy, can’t have you laboring while he is vomiting like a cat in the hospitals bathroom. He can’t say he had a happy childhood neither that he was dying to become a dad, but he isn’t one to back down from the challenge. He is given the chance to make amends with his poor upbringing and ensure that the next generation of his bloodline won’t suffer like he did. Will buy lots of plushies and maybe ask advice from the people of the orphanage he was raised on how to raise a baby since his mother didnt raise him until he was a much older kid.

Heavy

-nearly dies on the spot. Family meant the world for him and now, he is finnaly able to start his own. For the first time in your relationship, he will openly cry in front of you and hold you while he is shaking with so many emotions

- phones his mother daily and basically creates a series of notepads filled with advice/old wives tales for caring for children. He already knows some basic stuff from raising his sisters but he wants to be 100% sure he will ace it. Having his father dying at a young age puted a lot of pressure in him to “grow” up and mature, so he makes his existances goal to make their childhood everything his wasnt. Que daily visits to the medic and being practically only allowed to breathe and eat, he really doesnt want anything to happen to you or your child, especially if you belong on the smaller/shorter type of people. He spends hours of his daily reading books in russian or talking to your belly and is ready to do everything to make your life easier, he will even knit baby clothes and cute blankets with small bears on them or small ines from poems on them, a bearskin baby blanket/coat is a must.

Medic

-he is no that happy tbh, he thinks hes far too old and his sperm isn’t as “strong” as itd be ifhe was younger, he has a nagging fear because of his age youll have a miscarriage or a difficult pregnancy.

-but once he saws the joy in your eyes and realise that hey, better late than never, he will try his best. He makes sure your pregnancy is smooth and does daily checkups on you and the baby, he is almost paranoid. You should help him relax or he will have a breakdown during the later months, because he is beyond terrified that somehow he will fuck up the birth and either permantly hurt you or the baby ( headcanon he will create twins, just imagine his silent mental freakout while he feels around and feels/hears two heartbeats). He needs comfort, but he will spend hours just talking to the baby about medical stuff or his experiences ( yes you will hear the skeleton story, multiple times). He isn’t a stable man, but he strives to make you and them happy so he is down to sacrifice everything he can.

Sniper

-faints when he hears the news, but scoops you up and spinns you around when hes over that initial shock.

-he is terrified and he is pretty open about it. He has barely enough social skills to speak with adults, he fears how useless hes around children.He needs constant reasurance or he will have the biggest mental breakdown he will ever have in his life. He can’t say he had shitty parents, but he also isnt a paternal man. He needs you to be the more hands on so he will feel comfortable with the idea. Engie and him will renovate the Van to have a built-in crib/bed and he will consult Medic for almos anything/ pick you up and run to medic if you feel the smallest hinge of pain. Once he feels the baby kicking or sees them on the machine ( idontrememberthenamesorry) he will cry and kiss your belly. He knows he wont be the best dad buthe will try his darnest to be the best dad he can be and provide all the love and the support for his child or children ( i lowkey see him as the type of guy who starts very insecure and then breed like a rabbit)

Spy

-oh mon fuck dieu, will faint and need medical assistance to wake up

-he thinks hes wayyy too old to have any more children, he believes ( a very common belief among the era/although somewhat debunked nowadays) that his sperm after so many decades its deffective and he doubts the pregnancy will even last that long to result to a child. But also he knows that he can’t leave another woman behind anymore, been there, done that, he’s a deadbeat many years now. He pays child support tho, but he knows all the money of the world can’t replace a father in a childs life. Furthermore his terrified of having a public family tree ( i think even if hes a fuckboy, he might was raised pretty hardcore catholic so in his head if you are to have his child and him being there for the both of you, it means he must also marry you). He has many enemies and he knows they are waiting for a chance to sink their teeth into someone that is dear to him. So he presents you a choice, either abort the baby and hell forget the whole situation happened and force medic and Engie either to create the most effective birth control, or to give him the most effective vasectomy there can be, or that you must understand he can’t stay because he doesnt want his enemies to hurt you and your child. He will come and go in your life , if you choose to keep them and send you a fat child support, but he can’t be seen with his child or have any legal documents with them. If you choose to abort, well better prepare to hold his hand while he gets his peepee pipe cut.

#tf2 #tf2 x reader #tf2 imagines #tf2 headcanons #angst #family

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purple-ktj · 4 years

Text

Releasing this today because I’m over excited about MOTS ON:E tomorrow. Also the cc has been fun so far, I’ll keep it going and whatever I feel is more suitable as a discussion will be copied here instead.

Also, one more thing that an anon from the cc has highlighted, help me lay low by keeping me away from twt and any unwanted attention. Thanks y’all!

Q1 Tae looks so happy and at peace now! He even said so himself in the recent radio show. I'm just happy that he is happy, but do you think it has anything to do with how his relationship with Jin has transitioned? They are really behaving like a domestic couple who care and look out for each other. In the Soop revealed so much to us, their comfort with EO in a more laid back environment. The rest of members are also less panicky around them. Wanted to know your thoughts on what could have caused the shift in dynamics and Tae's overall demeanor? I love your blog btw!

A: When I saw your message I was so excited to reply because I thought, bullseye! I completely agree and feel the same. His relationship with Jin has been pretty stable since late 2019, I think the change in his mood now is largely because he overcame his personal issues that he mentioned while having a heart to heart talk with JK in the SOOP. They all had their own ways of coping with the Covid-19 outbreak. Namjoon and Yoongi were more expressive of their feelings during that time but it seems like Tae bottled it up for a while? I’m so glad they’re all happier now and it really shows. Their domesticity has peaked but on the other hand it means we will see less ‘loud’ moments, since they take care of each other in the background silently and subtly, add on to that the fact that we don’t have much live events or performances. Unless they choose to want to show it like in Spring Day and Save Me or maybe you know, turn on vlive?

Since we’re on this topic, I was also thinking about how much more closer and emotionally bonded Yoonjin, Vmon and Taekook (now we know it’s because of their date night in the SOOP) became as of late. They’re so chummy in their recent interviews and shows I can’t help but feel so warm watching them.

Q2 i love when taehyung uses his "im babie" face and voice with seokjin 😭 like when he uses that soft voice when he talks to jin (like on the first few episodes of in the soop) and when he suddenly pouts or whines and seokjin is just so fond, or when his eyes go wide and smile go big ahhhh he is so cute 🥺

A: I can still hear him whining at Jin after losing that ping pong match and him pouting because he couldn’t flip the pajeon the first time and Jin was completely whipped for him. I really like the quiet moments when he stayed with Jin and helped him with fileting the fish too.

Q3 Abt 4 o' clock, wen RM n V were practicing it fr d 2017 festa, is it jst me or ws Jin d nly one who ws so affected by d song dt he ws close to tears? I mean every1 else ws vibin too bt jin ws literally wipin his tears! Which is a huge deal cuz I've always felt dt jin is d membr wd mst ctrl ovr his emotions (his infamous poker face). Also wen he realised d camera ws on him, he resumed his persona fr a split second and said he shud hv done smthin cool like dt, bt den went bck 2 how he was b4.

A: I imagine it must have been emotional to have his partner sing an emotional song about him while he’s in the audience.

Q4 Okay so apparently, someone wrote 'VJin in real' on the wall of BigHits's old address. I do not know if this is real or not but just wanted to let you know…

A: Lol where did this come from?

Q5 In Winter? Just like our Winter Bears. What coincidence

A: A pleasure to be born in the same season as our lovely winter bears.

Q6 Taehyung in a suit or vest is going to be the end of me.

A: He has already ended me. GQ Japan?

Q7 I know that this is a TaeJin hub. TaeJin is my OTP - has been since the beginning and never wavered ever since, but Jikook getting drunk and fussing around like teenagers at night is too cute... We do not know the details as of yet but Jimin even broke Jungkook's mosquito net so that's nice.

A: I was laughing when I watched that. Jimin was so unapologetic and adorable and cheeky when he said he broke JK’s mosquito net. So they were hanging out and playing together through the night till they woke up at noon. They’ve always been close but they’ve gotten impossibly closer recently, and I’m living for it.

Q8 Jin : What do I do now? ...ah, fireworks at the crack-ass of dawn, it is! Everybody else : Who the f-

A: I absolutely love him being all chaotic and unpredictable. “Sorry kids” Boom! “I’m really sorry” Boom!

Q9 Thanks for replying to my ask (the one on Lay Me Down, Seventeen and 17)! :) Do you have any speculations abt why Jin was given so little lines and screen time for Dynamite? I kinda thought that the situation sort of improved with Black Swan and On (despite being excluded from the dance break I thought he had reasonable time/lines). It's quite infuriating. I also wondered whether BH tries not to give Taejin too many frames together in one song, to prevent them from interacting too much when they perform. Tae really shines in Dynamite so maybe Jin had to get the shorter end of the stick. All this is just pure speculation on on my part though :/

A: I would agree with you, but it doesn’t explain a lot of things. If Taejin interacting is the ‘problem’ they can always adjust the choreo or lineup. Answer, Mikrokosmos, Spring day, So What is more balanced in this aspect. Your Eyes Tell and Stay Gold too (despite the lines, SG showcased his best abilities especially when performed live, Jimin and Tae as well). That said, I really don’t know why and what goes on behind the scenes or which producers are responsible for this. It’s illogical to say that Jin doesn’t suit Dynamite’s style, because clearly his vocals are powerful and flexible (there’s a better word for this). Also, I think the issue extends to beyond just ‘equal’ line distribution. In songs, and art, it’s impossible to be ‘equal’, but I draw the line when I start thinking “Where is Jin?” during their song or MV. Not to mention, more than halfway through it. I’ve seen casual listeners and non fans react the same way when they watch Dynamite. And… that’s not right. I have a lot to say about this topic and the toxic “Jin is a grown man he does whatever he likes, because JinHit, stop victimising him” narrative. It’s a superficial way of looking at the issue but in light of the concert tomorrow, I won’t. Save the argument for then it’s required, which hopefully, it won’t be.

Q10 Hey there! Love your blog! 💜 I just wanna rant about something. What sets apart Taejin from other ships and make me believe it is real is Jin's reaction to Taehyung as compared to other members. Tae literally manhandles him sometimes and Jin doesn't even try to stop him. Meanwhile he complains about other members touching his butt. Tae's gestures like giving Jin the scarf (his love), taking his white heart and 'saying i fell in love at first sight', to which Jin's mild reaction is so suspicious

A: Yup I wrote most of these in my blog post. Check it out! :)

Q11 I'm so sad today. There's fight between Jin and Tae solo stans. Again. Even non shippers are piping in. It's so clear that Tae was joking. And plus Jin just before called RM worst dancer too. Jin was not joking then? I understand that Jin has received a lot of cruel comments from ARMY. So it's scary that solo stans will use Tae's sentence as ammunition to hate on Jin. But they're gonna hate on every member regardless. This is not the tipping point. We should never try to limit the way these boys interact with e/o. They have been together for so long. I'm sure they know which lines to not cross.

And Tae was clearly joking and immediately caressed Jin's arm to let Jin know he was joking. This is the same guy who was ready to fight Jin himself when he put himself down during VLive.

Even from the beginning Tae was known as the president of Jin's protection club. Now Tae has become very reserved and doesn't voice out his opinions as much. But he always shows his care through actions.

Jin has joked around the boys a lot too. He still does. But we all know he's doing it for fun or teasing other members. So what's the difference between Jin joking and other members joking? One is allowed. The other is not?

It's so upsetting seeing Jin stans who don't ship, call out Taejinnies indirectly, saying we are basically scrambling around trying to self convince. I have always noticed that stans who are mostly there for Jin dislikes Tae the most. But I'm not exactly sure why. The only theory I have is because Taejin's dynamics is seen through their actions. They seldom use words to show their relationship. It's so unlike Jin's relationship with other members. Where Jin voices out his fondness for the others much more than through actions.

A: Some arguments and people on the internet aren’t worth arguing. The group of people who attacked Tae and/or Jin over this belongs in that category. Doesn’t matter if you list out a whole book of reasons why and that they love each other, if people don’t want to see it, they simply won’t. I’ve yet to see Joon stans attacking Jin for calling him worst dancer (but nah I don’t want to see that kinda nonsense anyway). No matter the haters, we have so many Taejin moments to be happy about. Just see their happy faces when they’re together. I personally loved the way Jin looked softly at him when Tae rubbed his arm after teasing him. Also Tae’s cheeky smile, he knows he can get away with just about anything.

That’s true, Taejin don’t really use words to show their affection for each other. But when they do, it’s explosive, like “Groom, Kim Seokjin!”. Or “Are you my birthday gift?” and then people skip right over it saying NBD it’s bromance. Not to mention the countless ways they love and take care of each other silently and constantly. I hope you’re not too bothered about the hate anymore, we’re here for Taejin after all. And we know how much they really love each other :)

Q12 Hello! I love your posts🤧 BTW, I was missing Taejin in Episode 6. Jin seemed to be a bit sulky since that morning. He refused to wake him up when Hobi asked him about them. He refused to join them in the long drive, etc.. He even teased Tae & JK about their date 😢 I am sad that we didn't get any solid Taejin moment in the Soop. This always happens with Taejin. There were quality duo moments of Taekook, Namseok, Vhope, Jinkook, YoonJin, Vmin, Vmon & a bit of Sope. Even Jikook moments were less

A: I don’t know if he was sulky or not but Yoonjinmin busying themselves with their games were so adorable! I think he simply didn’t want to move and just sit and play games. We all have those days when we don’t really want to do much. SOOP was overflowing with Jikook though? I thought Taejin playing ping pong, catch ball, badminton and the fish fileting were pretty solid moments. I also enjoyed Jinkook, Yoonmin and Yoonjin. Vmon is growing on me so much lately too, they’ve become even more comfortable with each other. They’ll spring up on you when you least expect it, it’s Taejin after all. Also we really can’t complain because we have so many moments outside SOOP.

Q13 The Taekookers are lucky. Atleast Tae & Kooky raised a toast for them. I am sad how a simple lack of communication was so nicely taken care of by Tae & grandly & romantically portrayed by BH in the Soop whereas Taejin's fight in the movie was portrayed in a complete negative manner. The fight resolution scene was also kinda crude & seemed incomplete. That's why people think that Tae & Jin don't go well together & they have issues.

A: I get what you mean but I wouldn't trade any of the existing Taejin moments for anything else 😅 Don’t you think the way each pairing's arguments are resolved speaks volumes about the nature of their relationship behind the cameras? (Think Vmin's dumpling fight, Hopekook fighting over bananas, Jikook’s tearful fight in the rain, Taejin’s tense fight in burn the stage, Tae’s lost bag in BV1, Namgi's petty fights when they were younger, etc) It depends on how you look at it, because if that had been Taejin in the grand, romantic date in the SOOP then my blog wouldn't exist because that's the scene of a platonic long term friendship. If one bothered to look beyond the fight, they'd see how close Taejin really are, so we can't really put all the blame on Burn the Stage after all. Tae *did* say they grew alot closer after that and nothing will ever come in between them. Also, Taekook raised a toast for themselves, not their shippers. I just don't think it’s right to reduce Tae's efforts to bridge their relationship to just their shippers, he really just missed his best friend.

Updated

Hi Q13 anon, I realised I might have missed the point of your ask, my bad. I received this message with regards to yours:

- ok i hate when people compare friendships in the group and i hate when people hate on a different bond in the name of their ship, so i really didnt like people getting annoyed at tkk adorable and emotional conversation.. however, thinking about it, the anon from your asks compilation DID have a point when they talked about the way bh portrayed the situations.. the burn the stage fight was portrayed as a huge dramatic event and they dedicated very little to the problem solving and showing the aftermath, while the tkk conversation was portrayed the way i would expect them to show every single conflict solving in the group. a soft, heartfelt conversation. theres no doubt its different becauae there wasnt a fight but they just drifted apart and tried working on their friendship, but now seeing how beautifully they expressed it and showed it to us, im disappointed they didnt to the same with taejin's fight. even if their conversation was much more private, the least they could do is show them getting along more and being closer right after showing the fight, to show how they really did grow and figured things out and are closer than ever - because them saying it to the camera isnt as convincing as showing it through actions. and as much as us taejinnies see it, many armys didnt, because it wasnt portrayed that way. on the other hand its really easy to see tkk growth through in the soop, and even though feeling distant for years is more serious than a pretty harmless fight, it was portrayed as if the latter is much worse and on the verge of unforgivable. so yeah, i just think the tkk situation was handled better by bh and was portrayed better to the audiance. and i dont think it has anything to do with the nature of the realtionship, you'd expect them to want to show how every single realtionship in the group is healthy and strong. -

Me: Yeah, I think I misread the original message and you both certainly do have a good point. It’s weird for BH to want to portray their relationship in that kind of light. Granted, the context may have been different and there was no actual fight between Taekook while Taejin was in tears and they wanted to show how the group came together to resolve it but there wasn’t actually any proper scenes to show that. What they showed instead was cut footage of the fight occurring with no actual explanation as to how they actually came to argue about the dance steps and then snippets of Taejin sticking to each other backstage at the end of the show, and it’s completely overshadowed by the actual fight.

This brought me back to the time when an anon asked me if “BH portrayed the fight in that manner to maybe make us think that Taejin isn’t very close?”. On it’s own, it sounds like a bit of a stretch, but think back to the period of time it actually happened, Taejin were all over each other in 2017 and the DVD wasn’t released until much later. After this discussion I’m more inclined to answer yes to that question. Their fight is arguably the most famous and most dramatic in BTS history but after Festa 2018, they never brought it up ever again, never spoke of it, despite the severity. Meanwhile we got to hear a lot of details about Vmin’s dumpling fight from A to Z and the banana food fight repeated even till now. Now with the addition of Taekook’s romantic date night where they talk it out and solved it in such a peaceful manner and even showed them getting chummy with each other again, it becomes much more obvious. Not downplaying the severity of the other arguments that they mentioned, but the original point stands, Taejin’s relationship was pretty much misconstrued because of the way it was depicted and thanks to that, most baby armys think they’re not close.

Q14 The Taekookers are lucky in a way, (although their Ship has kind of been friend-zoned & their theories throughout all these years failed as they used to think that Taekook is dating, real, married, etc.) coz they got to see a romantic kdrama type Taekook moment in the Episode 6, where Jimin escorted JK to him like a host taking orders from a couple in a restaurant. Jin asking "if Tae & JK are having a date night". The scene ended with a romantic music playing in the background. :3

A: I’m somehow getting Taekook messages because of SOOP… they’re lucky because they get a whole date night and we’re all lucky we got to see a glimpse of their heart to heart talk. We know Jinmin would stand by to support them no matter what. Let’s focus on Taejin on a Taejin centric blog!

Q15 Honestly, can you explain Taejin's bond in a completely platonic way? Their relationship with e/o is so unique. It's unlike any relationship they have with the other 5 boys. They show their love and care through actions. This is especially noticeable with Jin, who, like you mentioned before, uses words more than actions in his relationships. Plus an array of questionable actions. Which even the majority of our fandom agrees with. Whenever they do something that make us go '????????' no one (except shippers) even questions it anymore. They just say Taejin is being Taejin again. They're not even surprised much.

If you were to explain their relationship platonically, what are they then? Sibling like energy? Best friends? Soulmate? You can't deny their closeness. But with the way Tae is ready devour Jin anytime, can you call them platonic?

A: No I can’t. If I could, this blog wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t get headaches. I wouldn’t be writing essays on them just to get these thoughts off my head so I can fangirl BTS peacefully. There is nothing platonic between Taejin, so there’s nothing to be explained. I don’t even know if I would use the word soulmate to describe them. They’re just two individuals in love and putting effort into their relationship to make it work.

Q16 I read this tweet today. I think it sums up Taejin quite well. https://twitter.com/JinSquishes/status/1309691704979595264?s=19

A: That is possibly the most accurate, sweetest and funniest thing I’ve read that describes Taejin. I love it. (I accidentally chopped your message into two lol sorry)

Q17 no but can we talk about taehyung singing "give me your hand and save me i need your love before i fall" and seokjin just.. takes his hand. holds it. in front of everyone. a reactor even said "it looks like they are saving each other" and i find it adorable. this is such a soft moment. and them playing footsies during the performance? cherry on top

A: I can talk about this for hours don’t get me started they love each other so much but Jin sometimes likes to play it up a notch when he feels like it and surprises everyone, even Tae himself and I freaking love his random bouts of affection it’s everything, cherries with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top.

Q18 i also agree with the possibility of taejin sharing a room/bed on in the soop. the tent was empty, not even a pillow, you could see it through the crack. sj saying he woke up at 6, but only leaving the tent at 11. he said it was hot so why staying there awake for 5 hours? taejin being cuddlers, but no sight of rj or an extra pillow/bolster in their beds/bags/rooms. jin's suitcase and shirt next to tae's bed, but not hobi's bag. vhope knowing seokjin felt hot before he told the other members. 👀

A: At the time of answering this, I have finished episode 8 and I honestly am so baffled by Taejin in the entire series. It’s straightforward and baffling. I don’t make sense but it’s just that.

Q19 i would like to add on the "eldest hyung" ask. eldest hyung isnt just "oldest brother" like we in the west portray it. some karmys said that even if someone is age-wize your eldest, if you give him the "title" of "my mat-hyung" it means you have huge amount of respect for him and that he has a big part in your life. moreover, being a couple doesnt mean you drop the hyung completely. a taejinnie once shared a youtube channel of a gay korean couple, they vlog together and theyve been dating for years and the younger calls his partner "hyung" all the time (i wish i had a link, they were adorable). also remember that straight couples use "oppa", so hyung is literally the same. it might be translated as brother but it doesnt mean literal brother.. its their culture, we cant project ours onto theirs, and most koreans call each other hyung no matter the relationship. i personally think its very meaningful that tae used eldest hyung with seokjin.

A: Oh this is such a nice message! Thank you for helping to further clarify! Hyung and oppa are considered umbrella terms and don't signify blood bound bonds. Korean culture is so rich and their language is so beautiful. So much more to learn to help understand Taejin’s bond better.

Q20 from what ive heard, taejin is actually very popular in korea.. i cant rank them cause im not korean lmao but i did see many people mention a lot that taejin has always been and still is one of the popular ships of the k side. (side note- ive always found it very interesting, because they dont need subs or translators, and they also are aware of the culture and relationships habits there the most - and for them taejin stands out a lot of times..)

A: I can guess as much. We as foreigners already find them questionable, no doubt Koreans who understand all their little nuances and gestures would know better.

Q21 not to be rude or anything but can taekooker anons just go to a taekook theory blog? idk it seems strange that every single time theres a question about how taejin and taekook are different.. i adore taekook with my entire being but personally i see them as brothers, and i see taejin's bond differently, therefore i dont go camp under tk blogs to talk about why taejin are different so why do they come here everytime??? taejin & taekook's relationships are VERY different, nothing worng about it. also i find it hilarious that they say taejin, the kings of (questionable/intimate) skinship, had no skinship? lmao do they watch the same content? and dont they see taehyung praising seokjin's talent 24/7 and not letting him ever doubt himself? like literally i think he talks about seokjin's talent the most.. and what about his love for seokjin's shoulders? and dont get me started on taejin on e/o birthdays.. but sure theyll only point it out when its other people and not taejin.

A: I do agree, please keep it Taejin here because my threshold is pretty low and mostly just answer all messages as long as they’re polite. I don’t camp under other ship blogs as well but I’m pretty sure there are many Taekook blogs and YouTube channels around to satisfy Taekookers needs. I’ve already linked the post to what I think of Taekook in my pinned post too. They have completely different dynamics, lets appreciate them accordingly.

Q22 I can't believe there was a time when I used to be :/ over Jin's expressions whenever Tae gets playful or sensual or whatever Taejin does. 😂😂 I used to wonder why Jin keeps a straight face only with Tae. He will be all smiley faced with any other member being playful and indulges them. But with Tae, he will make himself small and don't look at Tae's face. But there were just too many questionable Taejin moments that I could never think that they were not close because of this.

After looking more into it, I realised how many things these two do behind the back with straight faces. They'll be doing ????? inducing things but keep a straight poker face. Like even just today, Tae whispering "Seokjin-ah Borahae", Jin's expression and then Jin suddenly saying it's because of the hair. As if making light of the situation.

A: I have that video imprinted on the back of my eyelids. Tae pulling Jin close like that and whispering “Seokjin-ah borahae”? No I did not survive. Remember Muster when Tae insisted on making an acrostic poem and he directly confessed “#BORAHAE” to Jin on stage and Jin got so flustered? I suffer because of them everyday.

Also, Jin said that he dyed his hair purple because of a pokemon, but he revealed his purple hair for the first time on the first day of Pride month and what a coincidence, “I purple you” was created by the one and only Kim Taehyung. Yup. That’s Kim Seokjin for you.

Q23 I was wondering about the latest behind the scenes for in the soop, episode 7. Tae was genuinely concerned and surprised with Jin's cut in his hand. But Jin cut his hand the day before, yet Tae wasn't aware of it. But Yoongi, for example, knew all the details. How come? Don't we assume they spend their evenings talking to eo, and more than that, taejin even cuddling in the tent? Shouldn't tae have seen that? It was almost a day until tae saw the cut. It's moments like these that make me confused with taejin, and there's many of the sort. I've seen other anons asking about these on your tumblr page, like the fact that jin didn't know about tae's camera being broken, or taejin meeting eo at the airport as if they haven't seen eo in a long time. They also seem to not be aware of eo's whereabouts all the time. I've had boyfriends in the past and they were the first to know about important things in my life. My mom and dad share no secrets. is taejin's relationship that loose and open, I wonder? Sometimes I can't explain it, so maybe you can help me out..

Your question I will answer with another anon’s message:

Not really a question but I have my (unsolicited) thoughts on the other posts with regard to why Tae only found out about Jin's cut 1 day later, and whether Jin was pissed at Tae for calling him most worst dancer.

I think it's completely normal that Tae didn't know abt the cut. They could totally still be cuddling in bed without sharing every facet of their day with each other. It's not that big of a wound too. I've a gash on my ankle now and I doubt my husband even noticed and haven't bothered to tell him abt it either. Dont think it's big deal really.

And on Jin being pissed with Tae for calling him worst dancer? Nah. I was surprised that Tae made that remark then watched the whole video and realised this was right after Jin called RM the worst dancer. I think it was all in good fun. And Jin wouldn't take offence otherwise he wouldn't talk badly about RM's dancing either.

A: Thanks anon 2, appreciate the unsolicited thoughts. I wouldn’t consider a blister/small cut on the hand anything life changing or important either. Some people notice, some don’t. It depends, but yeah, not a big deal. Yoongi and Jimin were woodcarving with him, he got injured in front of them, of course Yoongi would know. Tae was on his date with Hobi. This applies to the broken camera thing too, if he doesn’t feel the need to tell, and Jin doesn’t mind, then that’s just them. Also we don’t actually know if they cuddled in the tent or not, it was all merely speculations. That particular moment of Taejin meeting each other at the airport as if they haven’t met each other for a long time, I suggest you watch BV 3, BV4 and Run BTS because Taejin’s definition of long time seems to be anything more than 12 hours. I don’t know where you got the impression that they don’t know about each other’s whereabouts either, they’ve talked about how close they are plenty of times.

Also thanks for reminding me, people were kicking up a huge fuss over Tae teasing Jin but conveniently leave out the fact that Jin did the same thing to Namjoon. They’re all mature enough and know each other’s limits, not us. Also I’ve said it before, Jin would let Tae get away with anything.

Q24 At first I thought that jin sleeping in a tent had something to do with taejin wanting privacy, especially due to jin's luggage next to V. But then I saw Jin basically disliking the cameras following his every move, so it had everything to do with his own privacy. I think that if taejin really wanted to share a room, they would, I don't think anyone forbids them to. V took jin's bed in the room with Hobi so that everyone could sleep solo, even Jimin. Yeah, 2seok were supposed to share a room and also vmin, but I think tae got sleepy the first night and Jin told him to take his bed as he would sleep in a tent. And he liked it so much that he decided to keep sleeping there. I don't think we should make up any theories about it without any solid proof. The cameras were on even at night, I really think that taejin are smart enough not to risk smth like sleeping together in a tent and then having to tell the editors to edit that out, and all the sneaking around.

Well… I did say it’s all speculations. There’s not a single footage of them sleeping at night, so there’s nothing to say but speculate, really. Just to clarify, I speculated they may have shared a bed or a room during that one night in the earlier episodes (3?) when Hobi mentioned bugs. Besides that I don’t think they shared a bed/room either. Though I still think that Jin sleeping in the tent till nearly noon is for show. He might have been sleeping in another room for privacy reasons, like you stated, then moved to the tent in the morning to nearly noon for leisure.

Q25 https://twitter.com/vj12301204/status/1313100091658391558?s=19

The way both Jin and Tae's reaction is so similar.

A: Hahahaha Tae really is so much more obvious.

Enjoy the concert, everyone!

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