#and now it’s been nonexistent and it’s kinda….discouraging?

[crushzone]

4 am thoughts

[wildflower-daydreamer]

Gloomy - november drabbles - day 12

Day 12 of @creativepromptsforwriting November drabbles

The weather matched his gloomy mood – dark, gray, morose. The low clouds were heavy with rain just waiting to fall over Los Angeles. It all suited Jon right now as he stood by the huge sliding glass wall, wishing it would rain so he could step onto the balcony and let the sullenness wash over him.

He knew he was being overly dramatic. Sansa didn’t deserve this. She invited him over to work on a few scenes they had coming up. The next season would start filming soon and they wanted to get things just right. But, on his way to her place, Jon had just been told he wouldn’t be getting the movie role he really wanted. So, when he showed up at her door, her cheerful and excited smile was met with a half-hearted, nearly nonexistent one. To her credit, she said all the right things to try to make him feel better as soon as she got the news out of him. A caring hand gently placed on his arm, earnest eyes shining bright as she swore he’d find a better role. Honestly, he did feel somewhat better, but he hadn’t yet shaken completely free from the discouragement that engulfed him.

“We don’t have to do this today, Jon. I’d understand,” she offered sweetly, handing him a hot mug of coffee.

“No. It’s definitely better that I’m here and not holed up alone in my hotel room to just overthink everything.”

“You can chill here without us having to go over lines, dork. Here,” she said, sitting on the couch with her laptop and typing something. “Arya showed me something that I sometimes use when I need some cheering up. It’s equal parts surreal, funny, and actually good.” She patted the spot next to her for him to sit.

“What is this?” he asked, looking at the screen, Sansa scrolling through a very long list of links with descriptions. She got comfortable once he sat, throwing her long leg over his lap and nestling into his side, his hand resting on her ankle. It was a common occurrence that Jon absolutely loved.

“Fan fiction. About our characters.”

“All of that?” The list seemed never ending.

“Yup. People really ‘ship’ us, as they say.” Their characters weren’t together in the show. But their chemistry on screen was definitely talked about and asked about in interviews. It wasn’t hard for Jon to act like he was secretly in love with her. He had a crush on her for a while. But once their characters met up on the show and he and Sansa spent more time together than before, he was done for.

“You read them to cheer up?”

“Yeah. At first, I thought it was silly but Arya insisted it works. And it did. These people are so creative. I dunno. It kinda feels like we’re doing something right if this many fanfics exist about our characters and our portrayals of them,” she shrugged. “Or is this completely self-centered?” she laughed.

“It’s worth a shot. Do you have a favorite?”

Sansa clicked a link and began reading. It was a continuation of a scene they did in a previous season. It was different and innovative, but still stayed true to their characters’ qualities. It veered into a romantic type of plot, something that is only subtly hinted at on the show. It was sweet and gentle, the characters caring for one another after their rough storylines merged. But the sexual tension was simmering just under the surface, and it kept growing. Soon, that steadily rising heat turned to pure eroticism. Sansa was saying things he never thought he’d hear come out of her mouth. He was suddenly very aware of her leg that stretched across him, smooth and bare in her lounge shorts, fuzzy pink slippers on her feet. As she read on, Jon could vividly imagine their characters acting out the scene. His hand absently travelled slowly up to her shin. If this continued to get hotter, he’d have to figure out a way to hide the growing stiffness in his jeans. He listened to the words, racy details spilled from her lips and Jon thought he could hear her breath getting a little ragged. His hand cupped her calf, grasping gently, and there was a slight hitch to her voice. His hand reached her knee and her legs seemed to automatically spread apart just a bit more. Her breathing was becoming more labored, and Jon decided it was the sweetest sound he had ever heard.

“’His fingertips whispered across the delicate skin along her inner thigh,’” Sansa read, almost a hoarse whisper now. Jon moved his fingers, an imperceptible touch from her knee and up a little along the inside of her thigh. “Jon,” she sighed.

He looked to her breathless face. It was a familiar one, filled with passion and tension, that her character often gave his. But this one was real, and it was just for him. Her imploring eyes reeled him in, her soft lips in a gentle smile melted him. She held his gaze as she set the laptop aside. Her hand grasped his and slowly moved it up her thigh, his fingers sliding under the leg of her shorts until he brushed at the wet fabric that covered her. Jon groaned with desire at the feel of it, realizing she was just as turned on as he was. She whimpered beneath his touch, unabashedly wanting more.

“Yes,” she breathed. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she brought him into her kiss. Her lips were even softer than they looked. He pressed his fingers harder against her, finding her sensitive nub, and she bucked against him, her moan escaping their interlocked lips.

Outside, the dark clouds opened and the rain finally started to fall, but Jon’s mood no longer matched the weather.

[fabricated-misslieness]

Yoru x male reader

Got this idea from a tiktok. btw I have no idea if blunt force can cause a split lip.

Pre-VALORANT Protocol and Kingdom creation, a short time after First Light. This entire thing is a lot of headcanons

Requested: No

Word Count: 2,305

Warnings: making out, cat cockblocking cause she wants food, sparring, split lip, blood, a bit of sadomasochism, bottom & masochist Yoru, sadistic reader, very very suggestive

16+

His lungs were begging for air, his knees were close to giving in, his skin felt like it was burning, his arms were sore. It was no matter of time before he was on the ground again, your foot on his chest. He was starting to like this point of view.

Though he doesn’t get to cherish it much longer because you’re off of him quickly.

“You don’t block properly.” You state, wiping the sweat off your face with the bottom of your shirt. Yoru, despite all his exhaustion, wolf whistles as he stares at your exposed skin. You ignore him, seeing as this one was on you, unlike all the previous ones. “No offense-only can win in my arena.”

“Manly Jackie?” He suggests. Manly Jackie was once a participant of your arena. As most champions with awful alliances, his reign did not last long.

“He was once a champion, yes, but he was beaten by somebody with good balance. Coerce had both good and offensive qualities. Jackie ate shit that match.” You chuckle at the memory.

Yoru shrugs, standing up. Pain sears on his skin when he gets back on his feet, but he ignores it. If he wants to be in your arena, he has to be ‘eligible’. And boy, did he not meet your conditions. “Another round.”

You had to give it to him, he had courage. After all, he’d asked the boss of an arena to train him by sparring. But the courage blinded him; either that, or he just pushed right through the pain.

That ‘First Light’ event had given him a lot more courage than he already had. He had gotten powers from it, and he figured they’d be useful in battle. 

You see, Yoru had a lot of connections. He was the guy on the block that always got into trouble, yet he always managed to weasel out of it thanks to his connections. Though most of the trouble was caused by his connections, because that meant that his connections; enemies were his enemies. He was stuck in a loop, getting beat up by his connections’ enemies, then saved by his connections.

That was why he came to you. He wanted to get skills in fighting, not only to avoid his own demise from his connections’ enemies, but also to gain money. Your champions got rewards, and he was running a little low on funds.

It had been a while since the First Light happened, which gave you the right amount of time to decide whether to invite these new ‘superpowered’ people into your arena. You’d decided on yes, but these new people had to meet the conditions that the normal fighters did, skill and muscle.

He had some muscle, along with potential, but you wouldn't admit that; a big ego isn't a good trait for a beginner to have, even though he already had one.

You raise an eyebrow, “Tenth time I knock you off your feet, yet you’re still getting back up. I can tell you’re tired, Yoru.” He loved it when you said his given name, although it was the only one he gave to you. “This time you might just last 5 minutes.” 

“I’m fine with lasting 5 minutes.” He winks.

“Sorta pathetic if you do,” You look him up and down and see him shrink under your gaze. “both ways.” Yoru smirks. He likes when you flirt back, though he can’t tell if you mean it. 

“Sure you don’t just want to sit down for a while?” You gesture to the couch at the back of the room.

“I’m sure.”

Your living room was more of a gym than anything. Being the boss meant you got a steady income; you had a big apartment. You had a couch, yes, but anything else that’s part of a lounging area was nonexistent. Although, the room didn’t look quite good, with the couch standing out amongst the gym equipment and the kitchen having barely enough working space.

When Yoru first saw it, he questioned it. As the boss, he expected you to have many visits from ‘business partners’ of sorts. He’d assumed you did them in your own home, rather than anywhere else, which is dumb on his end.

"I don't get many visits.” You’d replied, after clearing up the business meeting part.

"I highly doubt that. With the way you look, I figured you got plenty of feminine visitors." He might just have killed his chances with you.

"Feminine, perhaps." Feminine submissive men, that is. He didn't know that, and you didn't feel like coming out to an acquaintance of yours. "But not all that often. Besides, they don’t stay for long.”

You regretted entertaining his perverted head, since that had sparked many more pick up lines from him. At least you believed it did, you didn’t know if he would’ve otherwise.

Yoru barely manages to dodge your punch, though before he can recover, you take his momentary vulnerability to strike again. He doesn’t have the reflexes to react. The air is knocked out of his lungs, and he doubles over in pain, yet he doesn’t tap out. You expect him to, which is why you don’t punch him again, but it gives him a moment to get back at you.

He punches your stomach, but at this point he’s so weak and exhausted that it barely hurts. You’re not one to take pity though. Over the years, you’d learned that mercy did not make good business in an underground job.

This blow is hard, then again all of them are hard, though this one seemed to do something different.

That something is knocking him out.

When he regains consciousness, he's laying down on your couch. You're on the other side of the room, leaning against your kitchen counter and rewrapping your knuckles.

"How long was I out?" He asks immediately, only to find that his jaw aches when he speaks.

"A few minutes." You reply, you don’t look up at him, nor do you seem surprised that he’d woken up. “A bit uncommon, though you’re only a rookie. In a few months, you’ll eat that kind of blow like it was any other.”

"You have no technique, your punches are too obvious, your blocks are easy to break, and you don't know your limits." You list off his weaknesses. “Don’t let that ego of yours get to your head.” They felt more like insults than constructive criticism.

Yoru huffs in frustration, though mentally taking note of them. Thanks to his arrogance, he thought he’d be a natural. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked the boss after all. He licks his lips as he thinks, it’s only then that he finds his bottom one is split. "Hey, (y/n)?" You look at him, he points towards his lips. "A little help?"

You sigh but gesture him to come to you. You take note of how his walk is a little eager as he walks to sit on the stool next to you.

You take his chin in your hand to tilt it up and inspect his lip, though you have no problem with diagnosing the problem. "Split lip."

"You know, I heard that you need to apply pleasure to a bleeding lip to fix it." His tone suggests he's not going to do it himself, as well as something else you definitely catch yet you ignore. He most certainly wasn't saying it innocently, instead, it was quite flirtatious.

"And what are you suggesting?" You can't help but flirt back. He's handsome, which is part of his charm, but you can't say you didn't enjoy beating up his pretty little face earlier; and not in the 'putting someone cocky down' kinda way.

“Put some kinda pressure on my lips.” Yoru elaborates.

You can’t help but laugh a little, “Okay, let me just get a rag.” You move away from him, but Yoru tugs you back, putting a hand on the back of your neck. Before you can say anything else, he kisses you. He's impatient and it's clear, he couldn’t stand you playing around anymore.

The blood from his busted lip would be discouraging, if you weren't lowkey sadistic. On the other hand, Yoru feels pain with every move of your lips against his own. He seems to like it though. He's had his fair share of hook ups, but never had pain been a part of them. It was new and thrilling to feel a sting of both pain and pleasure.

You, with all the experience you have, bite his bottom lip to ask for permission to deepen the kiss, forgetting Yoru's situation. You pull back, fully expecting a whine and complaint, but you find a moan instead. You'd never expected to find a masochist to your sadist, least of all him, but you took the opportunity.

"You liked that?" You chuckle. “Pain?”

"Oh, shut up." Yoru groans. He doesn't like to be on the receiving end of teasing, which is an unlikely pair to his masochism. “But, yes.”

You laugh again, only to take his lips moments after. You're heated in lip lock when you decide you're tired of this position, leaning down is a little tiring. With seemingly no effort at all, you lift him up. Yoru wraps his legs around your waist instinctively, pulling back from your kiss with a gasp. "Hey!" He whines, only to be interrupted by a moan when your hands dig into his ass.

"Now where do you want to go?" You give him a flirtatious smile. "Bedroom, traditional but I can't blame you; couch, more comfortable for the both of us; or counter? High chance of getting bent over." Your words send a shiver down his spine. 

He liked this new, flirtatious you. Before, you were a mere connection which he’d gotten from running errands for you every now and then. They were mundane tasks, and as boss, you had to keep your intimidating, serious composure. Naturally, it made him want to crack you, see who you were when nobody was looking at you. Obviously, your personality was not flirting, although at least it wasn’t the aforementioned. Hopefully he’d find out more the next morning.

"Counter." Yoru mutters. He hopes to god that you don't make him repeat himself with the fake excuse that you hadn't heard him.

Thankfully, you don't, instead bringing him to sit on top of the counter. Your hands are no longer on his ass, something he disliked, but he can't really blame you for it. He starts kissing you again, hungry and yearning. His fingers tug at your hair restlessly, legs still around your waist pulling you closer to him.

He wants more, and you’ll gladly give it to him.

You bite his bottom lip again, making him open his mouth with a gasp. You take advantage of the moment, sliding your tongue in his mouth. Your hands slip under his shirt, caressing his skin absentmindedly. The rough feeling of your hand wrap contrasts against your soft yet calloused fingers, yet it felt good all the same. Yoru finds your touch leaving a burning feeling, suddenly finding himself hot and bothered.

He pulls back, much to your mutual dismay. Before you can ask, he takes off his shirt, clearing your confusion. “Oh.”

Yoru laughs, “Oh.” He mocks you.

You tsk, silencing him with your lips before he can tease you further. Yoru’s disappointed by the fact you don’t play with his chest anymore, seeing as he discarded of his shirt for that purpose. He takes your hands and slides them up his abdomen, leaving you to figure out the rest. He’s disappointed when you pull back just to laugh.

“That eager, huh?” Yoru, instead of avoiding your gaze like other people would, looks you head on with a look that says ‘so what?’. It makes you laugh again, “Alright, alright.”

You peck him on the lips, which confuses him a little, until you pepper kisses down to his neck. He groans as you do, hands trailing up to your hair and tugging your head further down. “Jeez.” You mutter, but continue anyway. Meanwhile, your hands trail up to his nipples and play with them. Once again, your hand wraps cause different textures and feelings.

You kiss and bite at his neck, leaving marks. Some of them are stained with blood, though that comes from kissing his cut lips.

Before you can continue doing anything else, though, you hear a meow. Both of you stop and  turn to look down, seeing your cat looking up at you two. Immediately, the mood dies down, because you can’t just make out in front of your floofy child.

Yoru unwraps his legs from your waist, allowing you to bend down and reach out to pet her. Instead of accepting the pets, she reaches out to swat you with her claws. Unfortunately, you don’t react quick enough, even with those reflexes of yours. You hiss, clutching your hand. Yoru laughs while you give him side eye with a huff, “It’s her dinner time.”

You move towards the cabinets, where you keep her food. He watches you as you prepare it from the counter. 

For a moment, you sit in silence, but he doesn’t like that. "If you can't make fun of me 5 seconds after making out with me, who even are you?"

You chuckle and comply. "You know, if you had chosen the bedroom, the cat wouldn't have bothered us." You think it over for a few seconds. "Well, she would've, but the sound of her slashing at my door would've been drowned out by the bed creaking."

Yoru flushes red, even though he’d actually asked you to tease him. “Then let’s go there afterwards.”

You shrug, “It depends on if you get me in the mood again.”

[werewolfdays]

afterparty

a part two to this cause reasons. also a lil bit nsfw -

I had to admit that I was flying high from finally standing up to Miranda. It even felt good to claim an alpha title even though I wasn’t planning on actually being one, but the look on her bitchy face made it all worth it. If I hadn’t said something drastic like that, I probably would have initiated a physical fight and that would not have ended well for anyone. It’s not that I didn’t think I was capable of winning against Miranda, or even Garret, but attacking a powerful alpha in her own home, surrounded by her entire pack, was a risky move that even I wouldn’t attempt. Especially with Nadya being potentially caught in the crossfire. 

There were still some doubts about what I did though. Because while I may not have physically attacked Miranda and her pack, what I did and the way I did it wasn’t much better. The rest of the purebred packs will be watching me closely now, maybe even test my strengths and weaknesses. Not every pack is as big and powerful as the purebred packs, but an alpha declaring themself is no small thing. I may have just invited challengers to undermine me and my pack, to label me as a joke or a threat that needs to be neutralized. I may not want the title, but I might have to act the role in the future. 

Then Nadya told me she was proud of me. Told me that my dad would be proud of me. I already thought her words were most likely true, but it still meant everything to hear them come out of her mouth. It made me confident that I could act as a strong alpha, should I ever need to.

We ended up at a small motel after a long evening of dancing and the rising full moon made all of my nerves buzz and prickle under my skin. I wanted nothing more than to either bask in my victory with Nadya for the rest of the night or shift and go running through the woods. I knew which option I preferred. 

As far as I knew, humans couldn’t feel the effects of the full moon, yet I could tell that Nadya was being stirred by something. She was trying to rein in her restlessness, but she practically became glued to my side as soon as we got out of the car. I had no qualms with that, her proximity allowed her scent to fully engulf my senses and make my skin tingle even more than being under the full moon’s gaze. Me and my wolf became just as restless as her, itching for more contact. 

We went to pay for our room and Nadya, slightly tipsy, was being more touchy than usual. Her hand combed through my hair and she clung to my arm while I waited for the transaction to finish. I bit my tongue hard, both trying to keep my eyes from glowing and holding back a smirk at the confused glances the lady at the front desk kept giving us. 

Once we got to our room and dropped our bags on the floor, quickly locking the door behind us, I leaned in to kiss Nadya like I’ve been wanting to kiss her all day. The stunning girl returned my kiss without holding back and I could taste the sweetness of alcohol and sugar on her tongue. Feel the tension from the stress and anticipation of the day finally seep out of our muscles as we melted into each other. 

A resonating hum echoed from my throat at the all of the softness that is Nadya. She was such a beautiful sanctuary to indulge in, I could actually feel myself recharging and my senses erupting in her gentle love. Then her hands gripped my shoulders, slowly pushing my blazer down my arms until it was discarded on the floor. I smiled into our kisses and couldn’t stop myself from grabbing her by the waist to pick her up. The nearest surface was a desk by the window, so I set her down there and situated myself between her legs. 

My hands ran hungrily over her bare thighs, dragging the hemline of her dress up with them and growling lightly at her exposed skin. “You look so goddamn gorgeous in this, but I’ve been wanting to pull it off you all day.” 

“There’s nothing stopping you now.” Nadya replied, reaching down to put her hands to work on my jeans. 

A strong, pulsing ache went through me at how close her fingers were to the area I wanted her to touch the most. It prompted me to press my lips to hers again and caress the soft skin of her thighs more provocatively in the hopes of getting a reaction out of her. Nadya finally rewarded me with a groan when I took her bottom lip between my teeth and that made me growl again in answer. My heart pounded harder in my chest with every quickening beat I heard in hers, and every one of her labored breaths that drifted into my mouth seemed to somehow take air out of my own lungs. I couldn’t get enough of this. 

My hands went to the back of her knees, pulling her closer against me and urging her legs to wrap around my waist. Nadya didn’t need much coaxing, she eagerly followed my silent directing and held onto me tightly like she couldn’t get close enough. Another brief smile flashed across my lips in between kisses as she worked her hands under my shirt to start caressing up and down my back, gently dragging her nails across my skin and causing a shiver to run along my spine. 

“Jay?” Nadya breathed when my lips began exploring her slender neck, “Can I ask you a question?” 

I chuckled against her skin, “You wanna ask me now?” my tongue dragged across her pulse to discourage any distractions. 

Nadya’s body trembled with the distinctly rich scent of arousal, but she still continued through an uneven tone, “Kinda, yeah.” 

At that, I reluctantly pulled back to look at her and set my hands on either side of her on the desk, “What is it?” 

She took a moment to catch her breath and pulled her hands back to place them on my waist. The look in her eyes wasn’t necessarily hesitation, but there was some slight uncertainty. “What does it really mean to be mates?”

I wasn’t surprised to get a question like this from Nadya, in fact, I somewhat expected it since I’ve never really explained exactly what it means to a werewolf to have a mate. There were technically different ways of viewing it. Some understood it as just a contract, others a promise, or an unbreakable bond. I knew exactly what explanation I was going to give Nadya. It was what my parents told me. 

Comforting warmth spread through my chest and upwards, making the smile I gave her just as warm. I reached up to take her face in my hands, brushing my thumbs against her cheeks and taking in her beautiful features and curious expression. “It means I’m bound to you.” I told her softly, “Because I want to be and you want me to be. It is a choice, one that’s being made constantly. Everyday. And I’ll never get tired of choosing you.” 

Nadya stared at me intently, searching my features for something, I wasn’t sure what. Maybe a hint of a nonexistent lie or a hidden meaning to my words. But then her hands wrapped around my forearms and a smile full of wonder slowly crept across her lips, “Can I be bound to you too? Even though I’m human?”

No one in the world has surprised me as much as this human girl has. And I felt like an idiot for constantly being caught off guard after being with her for this long, of still doubting the depths of her feelings for me. I realized now that I was doing a disservice to her. Just because Nadya was human didn’t mean she couldn’t feel deeply towards me. She’s proven how much she loves me countless times, but there was still that small voice in the back of my head telling me it was too good to be true. Telling me she was incapable of the same unconditional love I had for her. I despised that little voice.  

“Of course you can,” I answered her with a bewildered breath, “If you want to be.” 

Nadya’s grin grew wider and she nodded, “I want to be.” 

My heart swelled and I leaned back in to wordlessly tell her how much that meant to me with gentle, yet deep strokes of my lips. Even though she kissed me back in equal measure, it still wasn’t enough for me. I needed to show her in every way possible. Needed to make sure she felt it. So I pulled her off the desk and started leading her towards the bed, our lips catching each other in sloppy kisses that kept getting broken from us stumbling around. It just seemed to amuse Nadya, because she giggled when I missed and planted my lips closer to her nose than I intended. Adoring that laugh, I started kissing her all over— cheeks, forehead, eyes, nose— just to hear it again. I certainly wasn’t disappointed when the sound of her joy blanketed me once more. 

Then I placed my hands on her hips and muttered, “Turn around.” while urging her to do so. 

Once her back was to me, I brushed her hair over her shoulder and began unzipping the dress. It was difficult to resist the impulse to tear it off her, but I didn’t think Nadya would be pleased that I ruined such a nice dress. That and I’d never hear the end of it from Skye. 

As soon as the dress hit the floor, I took a few moments to admire the shape of her bare back. My eyes tracked from the back of her neck, to between her shoulder blades, and all the way down the slope of her spine. Utterly mesmerized by how the muscles flexed underneath her skin with every breath she took and every tremor that went through her. I was so enthralled that I just had to feel it as well as see it. 

My palm hovered no more than an inch away from her skin, close enough that I could feel Nadya’s body heat radiating off of her, but far enough away that she would only vaguely sense my hand’s looming presence. The overwhelming need to touch her hung thick in the air. We both held our breath in the anticipation, and I heard the erratic echoes of her heart that made me ache painfully for her. My fingers finally touched down on her shoulder blade, eliciting a breathy sigh from Nadya. That simple sound undid me completely. 

My other hand reached around and landed flat on her stomach, pulling her against me so I could lay hot kisses on the curve of her shoulder and neck. She turned around in my arms, only giving me a second to glance at her chest before pulling me in. I think we both realized how criminally dressed I was when she did that because we almost immediately broke apart to pull off my shirt and unhook my bra. An excited breath escaped me and I pushed Nadya back until she fell on the bed. I wasted no time climbing on the bed next and settling myself on top of her. 

Our skin to skin contact pushed me over the edge. The tingling in my skin evolved into an outright prickling that flooded heat throughout my veins and carried it to my limbs, making my heart pound hard enough that I believed Nadya could surely feel it. With that sensation, an explosion of clarity ignited my vision as glowing gold pooled through my dark blue irises. The full moon fought for control of the wolf under my skin, but then Nadya smiled up at me and the restless animal within hesitated. 

“Hello there.” Nadya said, reaching up to tuck my hair behind my ear and run her thumb over a scar on my cheek. “Nice to see you.”

I could feel the pull from the moon calling to me, but both me and my wolf were far more drawn in by the entrancing human underneath me. She eclipsed the desire to shift and run and hunt. She became my desire. Any instincts I had were forgotten in her steady gaze and in the way her body was pressed against mine. I wouldn’t have it any other way tonight, the full moon be damned. 

The rest of the evening was spent in indulgence until the insistence of the full moon became a distant concept. My hands wandered all over my favorite parts of her, using gentle touches to spur the kind of reactions that sent thrills through me. I got utterly lost in every shaky breath, every desperate shudder, every needy moan that Nadya made. All that mattered to me was the way her jaw would drop and her brows would furrow, telling me that every act of my physical love was what she wanted. I sent my lips on similar paths as my hands, soaking up every inch of her that I could, watching her writhe with the need for release. When I finally granted her that, her resounding cry of pleasure drifted through her and flowed into me, making me unable to turn away from the fascinating display until it slowly ebbed from her. 

Then Nadya turned her attention to me. Devoting her whole self to making sure I felt the truth to her earlier statement. I believed that she really did want to be bound to me with the special awareness she took in her soft caresses and warm kisses. In the way she not only made sure I felt nothing but pleasure, but also focused on taking care of me. Her hands performed her usual ritual with passionate practice, dragging her fingertips over the damage my body had suffered in multiple areas, following up with soft trails of her lips that calmed my very soul. Being with her was a balance between being subdued and being utterly awakened. 

It made me realize that being mates wasn’t just being bound to each other. It was also a promise, one that we both made tonight, unspoken and as unbreakable as the bond it represented as well. I knew nothing could separate me from her. Nothing could break us apart for long. If something tried, we would find a way back to each other. Not only did I feel indestructible with Nadya, but so did our love. 

I don’t even remember when I fell asleep, I just knew that I was happily in her arms and that was enough to send me into a rare deep rest. 

When my eyes opened again and checked the clock, I saw that it was almost nine in the morning. Feeling a little panicked, like I slept in way too long, I glanced beside to see Nadya still fast asleep and tangled in most of the blankets. While I was eager to head home soon, she also looked way too peaceful for me to disturb, so I decided to let her sleep some more and carefully got out of bed. I should go and get her coffee and breakfast to make up for when I eventually had to wake her. 

I got ready for the day as quietly as I could manage, but while I was brushing my teeth, the bathroom door opened behind me. Looking up at the mirror, I saw Nadya’s reflection lean against the doorframe and cross her arms. I smiled to myself at the sight of her in her underwear and wearing my shirt with unkempt hair. Still mostly drowsy, but as gorgeous as ever. 

“Morning, beautiful.” I said after spitting out some toothpaste. She didn’t say anything back or meet my gaze like I expected. That’s when I noticed her expression, which gave me pause. Her frown was too deep to just be morning grumpiness. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m worried.” Nadya replied, finally looking my reflection in the eyes.

My muscles tensed, “About?”

“For you.” 

I released a quiet sigh in relief and finished up brushing my teeth, “More than usual?” I mumbled nonchalantly with the toothbrush in my mouth.

“I’m serious, Jay.” Nadya insisted.

The tone of her statement confirmed that, making me stop and look up at her through the reflection again. She stared back at me with that furrow in her brow, so I rinsed out my mouth and dried myself off before turning to face her. I watched her silently for a few seconds and then reached for her, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her towards me where I could place my hands on her hips. 

“Tell me what’s on your mind.”  

“What you did, how you stood up to Miranda,” Nadya started, her frown turning to purely concern, “She wasn’t too happy about that. Neither was Garret. What if they do something to you?”

While her concerns were valid, since I had similar fears, I still smiled at her. “Miranda wouldn’t do anything to me, my bloodline is too important to her. She wouldn’t risk starting a conflict like that either, it reflects poorly on her image.” I brushed my thumb against her chin to offer reassurance and shrugged, “She has no other choice than to respect that I declared myself.” 

“There are other ways of hurting you.” Nadya pointed out.  

I pondered that. The only other way to hurt me that I could think of was going after the people I love. Skye couldn’t be a potential target because of our lineage. Toby was out of the question too for being part of a family that was almost as wealthy and powerful as the Kincades, doing anything to him would start a war. That left Nadya. The human girl I publicly claimed as my mate. Removing her from the picture and leaving me without a mate would throw Garret back into the running in their eyes. 

A slow realization that what I did could possibly have more dire consequences than I previously anticipated left me deeply disturbed. I tried not to let it show, I didn’t want Nadya to worry any more than she already was. 

“There isn’t a lot she can do without drawing unwanted attention to herself,” I assured her with a somewhat forced smile, “But if anything happens, I’ll deal with it. Okay? We’re gonna be just fine.” 

“You don’t think…” Nadya started slowly, pursing her lips and shifting her weight nervously, “That they’d try to take me away from you?” 

Of course she came to the same conclusion as me. We were both terrified of the same thing and I needed to comfort her as much as I did myself.

“Nadya,” I brought my hands up to gently cup her face and make sure her eyes were locked on mine, “No one is taking you away from me.” she held my gaze for a prolonged moment before finally giving a small nod, and I tilted her head down to kiss her forehead. I pulled back when I felt her relax a bit under my touch, “Why don’t you get ready so we can go home? We’ll stop by for some breakfast on the way.” 

“Okay,” Nadya agreed quietly. 

I smiled at her a little more genuinely now and gave her a quick peck, “I’m gonna pack my stuff and go check us out.” 

She nodded again, letting me step away from her and out of the bathroom with my toiletries. I gathered the clothes we discarded on the floor, being extra careful with Nadya’s dress, and stored everything in our bags before doing one more once over in the room to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. Satisfied that all that was left was whatever Nadya was using in the bathroom, I went outside to head towards the front office. 

I stopped short at who I saw standing beside my car in the parking lot. Jonas seemed to have been waiting for me since he was leaning against his truck that was parked right next to mine, waving when I noticed him. Jonas was one of the few Kincades that I actually trusted, but Miranda was still his mother, Garret was still his brother. Who knows where his loyalties would really lie with all of the tension I stirred up yesterday. I couldn’t blame him if he sided with his blood. 

“I believe congratulations are in order,” He said once I walked up to him, “For your new status.” 

I glanced around the area in case there was anything suspicious, in case Jonas was just a distraction, but it looked clear for now. “What are you doing here?”

“I came partly as a favor to Logan.” 

“If he thinks that just because you’re the only one I wouldn’t immediately clock that I’ll actually listen to what you have to say, he’s got another thing coming.” I replied somewhat sarcastically. 

Jonas chuckled a little at my retort and shook his head, “Logan wants you to reconsider your decision, but I think everyone knows that’s not going to happen. So I just want to tell you to be prepared for what you claimed. I don’t want to see this end badly for you.” 

I grinded my teeth, still thinking about my conversation with Nadya, “Your mother wouldn’t do anything rash, would she?”

He blinked curiously at me, “Rash?” 

I threw a purposeful glance over my shoulder in time to see Nadya emerge from our motel room with our bags in hand. She paused when she saw us, giving me a questioning look, but I turned back to Jonas. His eyes narrowed at Nadya and then widened in understanding. 

Jonas shook his head, “I can’t imagine that she would do anything like that. Maybe try to bribe her or threaten her to leave you, but doing anything else would be beneath her.” 

“What about Garret?” 

“He might be stupid enough to try something, but I don’t think my mother would just let him get away with it.” Jonas muttered. 

My shoulders lifted and I kept my voice quiet as Nadya approached, “Some people will do whatever it takes to get what they want. And there are many ways that they can choose from.” 

“Nice to see you again, Jonas.” Nadya greeted, popping open the trunk to place our bags inside, “You wanna go have breakfast with us?”

He smiled warmly at the invitation, “Thank you, but I just stopped by to have a quick chat.” 

“Okay,” She looked between me and him a couple of times, “Do you two need a minute? I can go check us out.” 

“Sure,” I said, handing her the key. “Thank you.”

“Take care.” Nadya told Jonas, giving him a polite smile and wave while she retreated. 

I watched her go, feeling my chest ache with fondness and worry, “Just so you know,” I started slowly, not taking my eyes off of Nadya, “If anything happens to her, anything at all, I’ll come for Miranda first.” 

“Just so you know,” Jonas mimicked my tone, “If something happens to that girl, and I find out that my mother or Garret had anything to do with it… I’ll have your back.”

My head snapped towards him in shock. 

The corner of his mouth curled up knowingly, “If they’re comfortable with stooping that low, then my mother must have considered the same thing with Claire. She was human too when I met her and the only thing that got my mother to accept that she was my mate was finally turning her.”  

I nodded in understanding, “Well… let’s hope I’m just being paranoid then.” 

“Yes, let’s hope.” he agreed, getting a faraway look in his eyes. Then he shook himself out of it, “Well, I should leave you guys to it. I’ll see you around, Jayde.” 

“See you.” I shook his hand and watched him get into his truck and drive away, trying not to think of a potential war with a pack that I grew up with. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice when Nadya returned to my side. 

“Is everything alright?” she asked, making me startle. She winced apologetically and rubbed my back. 

“Yeah,” I didn’t want to lie to Nadya, but I also didn’t want to scare her. I could leave out most of the details of my conversation with Jonas, my fears were all hypothetical anyway. “Yeah, Jonas just told me that Logan wanted me to ‘reconsider my decision’. Fancy way of saying he wants me to come back and bend to Miranda’s will.” 

“That sounds like a warning.” 

I shook my head, “Not a warning, probably just a desperate attempt to improve his wife’s shitty mood. I bet she’s a second away from clawing his eyes out.” 

Nadya didn’t look very convinced, but she nodded anyway, “If you say so.” 

“I do.” I replied firmly, reaching up to lovingly brush her hair behind her shoulder, exposing her neck enough for me to lean in for a quick kiss there. “Let’s go home.” I whispered against her ear. 

She smiled at the same time I did and I savored the way her frown disappeared. “Alright, let’s go.” 

[ygboysygbby]

Under Your Spell

Bobby/Kim Jiwon Scenario

Request: 14 with kim bobby pleaseeee

Prompt: You, a wizard in training, accidentally casted a love spell on your ex and it worked. Oh, and he already has a girlfriend.

Being a witch was not quite your forté. First year of entering the wizard school, you were already discouraged with how hard the lessons were. If not for your parents, you would be happy to just go to a normal school, moreover, there was something that you desperately wanted to avoid in this school. Someone, in this case.

Bobby Kim, your childhood friend, but also your ex, who was a year older than you, went to this exact school. You had been trying your best to avoid him for a good year, but your luck decided to play on you. You were together for almost a year, before you decided to break up with him. The reason of your split was because you kept seeing him being distant and you didn’t know why. You decided to end things, and he didn’t even protest or complain when you said so, you thought it was the right thing to do.

The past year had been quite hard for you since you were so used to living with him around you, after all, you were friends since you were six. Even though you missed him badly, you didn’t want to be around him anymore. If that was what he wanted, a distance, you were glad to give him that. In your mind, you were no match for him anyway.

All you wanted was just to pass at least the minimum grade. Going to library became a habit of yours after school. As much as you hated it, you did not want to disappoint your parents. You were reading this one spell book bundle, when someone greeted from behind. You knew that voice, oh boy, you knew it too well. Taking a deep breath, you decided to brace yourself. It was bound to happen sooner or later anyway.

“I didn’t know you decided to enroll here...”

“H-Hey, Bobby!” You awkwardly grinned and waved your hand.

“It’s been a long year, huh... Enjoying your school life?”

“It’s... it’s a bit challenging, I guess...”

“Knowing you.” He chuckled.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!”

“I mean—“

“Bobby, I have the book already let’s— oh...” A girl with long black locks suddenly came into the scene. “I believe we haven’t met before?”

“Uh, hi...” You awkwardly offered your hand. “Y/N, I’m Bobby’s childhood friend.”

“Jennifer, I’m his girlfriend.” She smiled widely before grabbing your hand. “Nice to meet you. It’s weird how Bobby never told me anything about you though...”

That’s because I’m not even worth telling about. “Really...” You decided to shrug it off.

“Anyway, we gotta go now.” Bobby cut off the conversation. He seemed uncomfortable for unknown reason.

“Ah, okay. I’ll see ya later then...”

“Bye!” The girl waved before they both walked out from the library.

He already got himself a girlfriend, huh... Deep down, you knew you could not forget him. Even though he just heartlessly agreed to end your relationship without any question, and you were hurt by it, you knew deep down you still had feelings for him, and you felt like a complete idiot for still thinking this way.

**

You could not sleep.

The event happened in the library made you restless. It was already 11 at night and you got classes to attend tomorrow, but for some reason, Bobby’s face kept appearing in your mind, haunting you like a ghost.

You kept tossing and turning, but no use, you still couldn’t bring yourself to sleep. Sighing in defeat, you quietly got up from your bed, carefully trying not to wake up your roommate, and grabbed the spell book that you borrowed from the library. Bringing the book with you, you went to the lobby of the dormitory, as you decided to not waste your energy. If your brain wanted to stay up, at least you were using it to perfect your skills.

When you arrived, a familiar figure was already there, alone by himself. He was looking through the window, as if he was full with thoughts himself. Guess you really picked the wrong time and place to clear your thoughts. This would certainly corrupted your mind even more.

But you kinda missed him.

“Bobby?” 

“Ah, hey...” The guy smiled. It was weak, and you forgot how much you hated seeing him without his perfect smile.

“Something bothering you? You could tell me, I mean... I’m your friend, ain’t I? If you still think that way, that is...”

“Nothing for you to worry about.” He smiled again, but he wasn’t fooling anybody. You knew he was lying.

“Uh... How about you help me with spells? After all, you’re probably way better than me with this kinda thing!” You said, trying to lighten up the mood. “Like this! I never understand how to do this properly!”

Bobby sat down on the sofa with you. “This? Levitation spell?”

“Yep.”

“I can teach you that. Did you bring your wand though?”

“Good thing it’s my new bookmark!” You laughed as you took out your wand from the book.

“Really this girl...” He chuckled. He then grabbed your hand to guide you. “You gotta move your hand like this,” He spoke as he moved your hand along. “Remember to say the spell first.

“O-Okay! Let me give it a try!” You thanked God for nighttime and poorly dimmed lobby, because you were blushing like crazy.

“Try it on me.” The lad said with a smug smile on his face.

Taking a deep breath, you took the book closer to you and read the spell, doing exactly as you were told. You closed your eyes right after performing the spell, afraid of the nonexistent outcome. When you opened your eyes, to your disappointment, Bobby did not levitate.

“What did I do wrong?” You asked.

“Nothing, you are perfect...”

“What?!”

Bobby looked up to you, a hint of reddish shine appeared on his eyes for a couple of seconds, before it went back to normal. He then smiled at you in a quite weird manner. Terrified, you quickly looked back to the spell book. But how can I casted the wrong spell when I read— oh... OH MY LORD.

Right below the Levitation spell, Love spell, containing the exact spell that you just casted. The description listed:

A high level spell that is very dangerous. Could only be performed by those who have trained in years. Beginners can easily perform one, only if the target is willing to be casted a spell on. Though the effect will not be quite the same and the spell will wear off naturally in 3-5 days of time. See page XCIV for Love Potion.

You took back your gratefulness for nighttime and poorly dimmed lobby, because God, you just casted a damn love spell to your ex.

“What’s wrong, love? You look like you’ve seen a ghost...” The bewitched guy said.

“Goodness gracious, how am I supposed to explain this to his girlfriend??? They don’t even teach about love spell until the final term...” You sighed in defeat. “I’m doomed.”

Bobby suddenly grabbed your cheek, startling you. “Why are you ignoring me, love?”

You shoved his hand away. “As much as I’d love for you to do that, please, stay away from me until I find a solution.”

“Stay away from you? How can I possibly live without you, my love?”

You groaned. “Just go to your room right now and I’ll meet you again tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“Ugh... sure!”

The effort for studying and clearing out your mind definitely turned into dust. Instead, you just created a huge disaster. But you need to get some rest first, without a clear head, you wouldn’t be able to solve the problem.

**

You barely slept. With your eye-bags and books, you forced yourself to attend your class. Much to your horror, you saw Bobby, who already waited for you in front of your classroom. You rolled your eyes. Why must life be so cruel?

“Love, you’re finally here!” Bobby muttered with excitement.

“Bobby, you need to go to your class now, and please lower your voice when we talk in public!”

“Ah... sorry!” The guy whispered. “From now on I’m going to talk this way to you.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “Just go to your class now!”

“Anything for you, love!” He said, still whispering.

Right after your class, you immediately went to library to search for more information regarded to your issue. Three to five days was definitely too long for you and Bobby had a girlfriend. You were not planning to destroy any relationship, neither his, or yours with the public.

Some books said that you can give the hate potion for people under the influence of love spell. The two spells neutralize each other, so it would cancel out the effect and would not give the effect of a hate potion, but in order to make a hate potion, you need an eagle egg. There was no way in hell for you to even get one of those.

You kept searching and scanning through the books, but nothing. You wanted so badly to just go and ask one of the professors, but that could also risk you of getting suspended. Because, of course, the no-spells-outside-class-unless-you-have-graduated rule, that students broke anyway.

Frustrated, you decided to leave the library for some fresh air. The school garden seemed to be the closest place, so you went there. Five minutes into just breathing in and out, your misfortune finally caught up. Bobby found you, yet again.

“There you are, love! I’ve been looking for you.” He said. Surprisingly, still whispering.

“Have you met Jennifer today?”

“Uh, my classmate?” He asked and sat down next to you.

You rolled your eyes. Apparently he completely forgot his status. “Yes, your... classmate.”

“Her friend told me that she isn’t feeling well today, so she’s staying in her dorm. Just a minor headache though. I don’t see the point why I need that information...” The guy wondered innocently.

You facepalmed. “Bobby, you gotta text her, ask her if she’s okay.”

“Why?”

“She’s your girlfriend!” You groaned. “I’m so sorry, this wouldn’t happen if I wasn’t being so stupid...”

“She’s my girlfriend? How? My heart only belongs to you...” He looked straight into your eyes, almost letting you drowned for a good second.

“No, Bobby, you love her!” You grabbed his shoulders. “I...” You couldn’t finish your words. It was hard when your heart was basically fighting your logic. You looked down to your feet and sighed.

“Is there something wrong, love?”

“Of course!” You said, holding up the tears. “You! You’re not suppose to have feelings for me!”

“Is loving a person a wrong thing?” He suddenly leaned on your shoulder.

His sudden move took you by surprise. “H-Hey! Don’t—“

“I don’t think it’s wrong.”

You sighed. “Yeah, it isn’t...”

**

You were getting ready for bed. Putting your pajamas and socks on, you got on the bed. You closed your eyes, sighing in stress. Should you just let him being like that for five days? It sounded cruel to you, but you really couldn’t lie that a small part of you were a tad bit happy. Even though he didn’t behave like he would normally do, hearing him calling you so lovingly, it sounded somewhat pleasant, and you hated yourself for it.

KNOCK KNOCK

“Nina? Are you inviting someone over?” You called your roommate.

“Uh... actually, I forgot to tell you...”

“What is it now...” You glared.

“This guy name Bobby kinda asked me—“

“I can’t believe you...” You rolled your eyes as you stormed to answer the door.

“Hey.” The guy said with his oh-so innocent face.

Damn, he looks hot with that bed hair and loose t-shirt... You smacked your cheeks, bringing yourself back to reality. No! You quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him inside your room. “What are you doing here?!”

“I just missed you...”

“Lord help me...” You groaned.

“So, he’s your boyfriend?” Your roommate asked casually.

“No!” You sighed. “He’s my... friend, and I kinda accidentally casted a love spell on him.”

“Whoa, you’re in serious trouble...”

“I know, right? And he already has a girlfriend too...” You sighed.

“Dude! You’re so dead!” Your roommate laughed.

“You’re enjoying this way too much.” You rolled your eyes at her.

Bobby, who apparently heard all of your conversation loud and clear, finally opened his mouth. “I’m under the influence of a love spell?”

“Yes.” You said sternly.

“I don’t understand... I really do love you.”

“Exactly, and you shouldn’t be.”

Bobby didn’t reply to your words. He looked both sad and disappointed.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, alright?” You sighed. “I’m gonna get you out of this spell as soon as possible, and I’ll tell your girlfriend, hopefully she’ll understand. If all things fail, the spell will wear off naturally in three to five days, so you should be okay...”

“But don’t you think it’s strange?” Nina suddenly said. “They always say that people who’s under the influence of love spell or potion tend to be aggressive or possessive, basically it’s not the same when you actually love someone, they showed lust instead of love... And I don’t see that in this guy.”

“You haven’t seen anyone under a love spell, have you?” You asked.

“True, but—“

“Well, maybe you know nothing. You can’t always trust people’s words!”

“Uh, I think you gotta check on your guy, he’s been silent for quite a while.” Your roommate pointed at Bobby.

The guy just stood quietly while fidgeting his fingers. His expression still looked sad and honestly, it broke your heart to see him like this, even though you knew he was under the influence of a spell.

“Bobby, I’m sorry if I disappoint you...” You sighed. It really felt like you were babysitting.

“So, in three to five days, I’ll lose my feelings for you?” He looked at you, his eyes were teary.

“Those feelings you feel are far from true. I know this is hard for you to understand, but trust me...” You looked away. “I care about you, you know.”

“You sure you didn’t cast him the spell on purpose? Cause you seem like you genuinely care about this guy...” Nina snickered.

“He’s my childhood friend, geez!”

“Sure.” The girl giggled.

“I’m gonna take him back to his dorm. It could get ugly if someone caught him alone, ‘cause he’ll probably say it’s because of me and stuff...” You took Bobby’s hand. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay, lover girl.” She teased.

The whole walk to the his dorm was silent. You asked him his dorm room and he quietly answered. His voice sounded so low and sad, it hurt you. It had been such a long time since you saw him with this kind of expression, even though you knew his feelings were not real, it brought back some memories from the past, the ones that you really did not want to recall.

“We are here... Now go to sleep, okay? Promise me you’ll at least text Jennifer later, alright?”

The guy looked away for a second, before speaking up. “Can this man be selfish for a while?” He suddenly asked.

“Bobby, just go to—”

It happened so quickly. He cupped your face and just kissed you. You were too shocked to even move, Bobby also stayed still for a while, before he started to move his lips and so do you. You had your hands on his hair, and his moved to your hips, pulling you up slightly. You wanted so badly to shove him away, but secretly, your heart needed this. For a moment, it felt like you were the one who was under a spell. One dangerous spell.

“We shouldn’t be doing this...” You said, as you finally let go of him.

Your eyes widened when you saw the same reddish shine on his eyes. The same one that appeared after you casted the spell on him. Just right after it disappeared, you saw Bobby’s eyes turned different, as if he was alive again.

“What— why are you here? Why are we here?”

“Bobby? Is it really you? Do you feel anything weird maybe? I don’t know, something about me, perhaps?”

“What about you?”

“Oh, thank all the gods!” You threw your hands in the air. “I’ll tell you more tomorrow, just go get some rest. Oh, and your girlfriend had a headache this morning, it’d be great for you to check on her...”

“If you say so...” The guy looked at you suspiciously. “You better tell me what’s going on tomorrow!”

Your chest, it felt stuffed. You should be relieved now that you somehow got him off the spell, but you felt incomplete. Not only by how the spell just broke out of the blue right after the two of you kissed, but also that... the two of you kissed.

So the next day after school, you went to the library again. This time, instead of looking for a way to broke a spell, you researched more on the love spell topic instead, which you completely forgot in the first place, because you were way too focused on finding a way out.

The first few informations you got, only contained things you already knew, which was how love spells would not work on someone who was already in love, how love spells could only be performed by high ranked witches or wizards, and some new informations that had no beneficial for you. But then, something caught your eye.

Love spell could still be casted on someone who’s already in love with the giver, but has doubts or does not realize so. The effect would be different to a normal person under the influence of a love spell, as they come as more sincere, rather than aggressive and lustful. However, the spell would wear off immediately if the giver and the person lock their lips. 

You gasped in shock. “But there’s no way he’s still...”

I kinda think this one needs a part two? no? let me know if you guys want part two of this! :D

[aesirwind]

Get to know Seti and Levin

tagged by; stole it Tagging; steal it from me

(for reference - Seti is taken from post-Forseti’s departure; Levin is taken from before joining Sigurd’s army. If the answer is exactly the same for both it’ll be in quotes; otherwise whoever’s speaking will be indicated by initial)

Name? S: Seti Forseti! Before that I was Cedric Silvaine, though. L: Levin Forseti. 

Are you single? S: Yea. L: Hmmm.

Are you happy? S: I am, and I’m not. I don’t think it’s quite possible for me to reach the same heights of happiness I was once capable of, but I’m not all doom and gloom, either. L: Sometimes, when I get really into the bardin’ act. But no, I’m not, an’ I haven’t been in a long time.

Are you angry? S: Sometimes, of course. I like to channel my anger in productive ways, like making laws that are direct counters to some of Heim’s bullshit decisions in Granvalle, but. L: I am definitely bitter about stuff, yeah.

Are your parents still married? S: They were married ‘til death. Seemed pretty content with each other. L: My parents were married until my father died. Pretty sure they liked to pretend otherwise, though.

NINE FACTS –

Birth Place? S: Some northern village in what’s now Glorious ol’ Granvalle. L: Silesse Castle, Silesse, Silesse. S: ... L: You weren’t very good at namin’ places.

Hair Color? “Green.”

Eye Color? L: Spring green. It’s kind of just, the color all major Forsetibloods have, I think, because it’s the same color as my father’s eyes, and Seti’s over here- S: Yea. They used to be bright blue before the bloodpact, though. L: What the fuck,

Birthday? S: June 2 L: June 11

Mood? S: I like to think I’m calm on the surface, with an aura of someone who’s chaotic, mischievous, mysterious, and just a little feral underneath. L: I must be read as chaotic good bard at all times or I combust.

Gender? S: !??!?!??!?!??!male? L: How did you make that noise with your mouth. Demiboy.

Summer or winter? S: Winter L: Summer in Silesse, if only because it’s brighter out an just a little less cold. Winter everywhere else

Morning or afternoon? "Afternoon.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE ? –

Are you in love? S: Hoo. L: .......

Do you believe in love at first sight? S: I don’t think it’s true for everyone, but I know for certain that you can meet someone and know immediately that you love them. L: Yes, but not for me?

Who ended your last relationship? S: He did, by leaving. I mean, it wasn’t... really a relationship, and it’s not like he had too much choice in the matter, but. L: I did. It wasn’t much of a relationship, just a fling, an’ we both knew it, but I was the one to walk away first.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? S: Not intentionally. I’m sure there’s been a few girls out there who would’ve loved to have me, but if there were, I didn’t really pay attention. L: Yes. I’ve turned a fair few people down

Are you afraid of commitments? S: Eh? Not really? My issues with relationships do not stem from fear of commitment. L: ....Yes.

Have you hugged someone within the last week? S: Yes! Some people find hugging, or being hugged by their king a little weird, but it’s generally a method that proves comforting! L: No.

Have you ever had a secret admirer? S: Maybe. Dunno. L: Bein’ an attractive male bard has earned me more than a few admirers, secret or otherwise. I tend to ignore it when I can, even if I’ve done nothin’ to change my image to discourage it.

Have you ever broken your own heart? S: N- Maybe? No. L: .....................

SIX CHOICES –

Love or lust? “Love.”

Lemonade or iced tea? S: Lemonade. L: Don’t like either.

Cats or Dogs? S: Cats. L: Dogs.

A few best friends or many regular friends? S: I physically cannot stop myself from wanting to befriend people wherever I go, so I suppose many regular friends. Ultimately, there will always be people you prefer or get along with most, but. L: Few best friends.

A wild night out or romantic night in? S: I do not have a romantic partner, and I am resigned to never have one again. First one on that principle, but a romantic night in sounds appealing if only for it being unattainable. L: Wild night out.

Day or night? S: Night. Dark. Easy to hide in. Quiet and peaceful. L: Day. Darkness unsettles me, an’ it’s usually easier to focus on other things durin’ the day

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS –

Been caught sneaking out? S: Nah. My parents didn’t really care enough to stop me coming and going once I was old enough to take care of myself, so I never really... snuck out, y’know? L: Me an’ Fury used to sneak out all the time, but usually we were clever enough about it that we weren’t caught in the act of sneakin’ out. Usually we were only caught after we snuck out.

Fallen down/up the stairs? “Yes.”

Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? "Yes.”

Wanted to disappear? S: ...in the immediate aftermath of Forseti leaving, yes. I knew I couldn’t, and I knew ultimately that I would some day be able to pull through. That I had to pull through. Sometimes, though... Nonexistence feels like the easier pain to bear. L: All the time, my dude.

FOUR PREFERENCES –

Smile or eyes? S: Both? L: Both. S: Both is good.

Shorter or Taller? S: No preference. L: Taller.

Intelligence or Attraction? S: Oh I am morosexual. L: Then how do you explain B- S: With exceptions. But he was attractive, I’ll have you know. L: Uh-huh. I think it’s both for me? I am the person they’d have to be morosexual for.

Hook-up or Relationship? “Relationship.”

FAMILY –

Do you and your family get along? S: They’re all kinda dead. We were fine when I was growing up, though. Kind of distant, but I liked it that way. L: ha. hahahahahaha.

Would you say you have a “messed up life”? S: Kind of? A lot of messed up things have happened to me. I like to sweep all that under the rug to ignore whatever lasting effects it may or may not have had on me, to say that life is good currently. L: Up until the whole bard thing, I thought my life was kinda normal. Not so sure now, though.

Have you ever ran away from home? S: I guess joining Heim’s rebellion counts? I didn’t exactly make my plans known to my parents, and after the war, they were already dead. L: Gee. No. S: .....No!? L: It’s called sarcasm, bud. Of course I’ve run away from home. I’m CURRENTLY on the run away from home.

Have you ever gotten kicked out? S: No. My parents L: No, but I get the feelin’ that mom would if I ever try an’ go back home.

FRIENDS –

Do you secretly hate one of your friends? S: If I hate you, you will know of it. L: scary! Also no.

Do you consider all of your friends to be good friends? S: There are some people I am on less friendly terms with than others. When you try to make as much of humanity as you can your friend, it happens. L: Yes?

Who is your best friend? S: Bragi. Even if it’s, you know, been a while since we really... talked to each other. So he probably has other best friends by now. L: Fury. Other than her sister, she’s kinda... my only friend, I think.

Who knows everything about you? "Ha! hahaha. No one.”

[tunerani]

Best Nine of 2020!🎉 I expected Zelda to be popular, but Yachi, too? Haha 😂 Thank you guys for quite a good insta year! I had my down time and I definitely don't keep any kind of posting schedule when I'm working... But I hope to have alot more content when I start working on my next cosplay and making videos for tiktok, so look forward to it 🤗 It kinda saddens me that the changing algorithm discourages posting so much... I love interacting on here, but growth has been basically nonexistent for a month or so... On another note, there are alot more cosplays and adventures planned for next year! I can't talk much of it for now since it all depends on how serious people take this pandemic... But you'll see soon enough, I guess 😅 . #bestnine #best9 #topnine #top9 #cosplay #germancosplayer #germancosplay #daily #데이리 #코스프레 #2020 #zelda #yachi https://www.instagram.com/p/CJbGVcaLzG9/?igshid=9xuqlrx64uu5

[rhenal]

Hello again

Wow, it’s been a year now since i last posted anything here. I’m still alive, if anyone is still here at all to care. Um. Last post I did was about the status of my mental health, so I guess a follow-up would be prudent, no?

So now it’s official. I have both Aspergers and ADHD. I thought it was just ADD, but no. The hyperactivity aspect is something I very much have. It’s just that it doesn’t manifest physically - it simply manifests mentally in that my mind is always everywhere at once - that my train of thought manifests more like a puppy on its first snow day than like an actual train.

I’ve been on antidepressants for 13 months now, but I’ve only really felt any real effect from them for the last month and a half as I finally got to change med type. The first type barely helped and gave me nightmares two nights out of three, but those things were small and irrelevant enough for me to it really bring it up until now. Because for all that time, I have been searching for and adjusting to ADHD meds as well, and you only want to sort through one set of side-effects at a time. Turns out I’m really sensitive to side effects, so finding the right type and dosage took a long time, and I’m not certain that the one I’m on now is the best choice still. 

I’m still on full-time sick leave for burnout, since February 14th last year. Currently it will last until the end of August, then we’ll reevaluate from there. Hopefully I can start studying again by that point, if only at 50%.

Turns out, it takes a really long time to recover from a bout of burnout that has had five entire years of buildup. 

So what am I doing now? Mostly just being useless. Restless but without the energy to do anything about it. I barely eat these days, and my sleep cycle is just completely nonexistent. See, in large part due to aforementioned double-whammy of Aspergers and ADHD, my capacity for self discipline is basically nil. With me being on sick leave, I have nothing that forces me to get up and do stuff. There is no reason other than my own health to get up in the morning.

Add to that the fact that both my current antidepressants and my ADHD meds lower my appetite. I do not get hungry anymore. I just get tremors in the late afternoon when I’ve forgotten to eat all day. I can go entire days where I am never ever hungry, and when I finally manage to make something to eat and force myself to just eat it dammit, I can barely get half the meal down.

My doctor has actually advised me to eat small snacks through the entire day to make up for it. You know, the thing that you’re usually heavily discouraged from doing? :’)

In conclusion, my daily life is kinda shit. I’m doing what I can to get better at it all, even going to group therapy every week, but it feels like a Sisyphean effort. 

I’m too burnt out to study or work, but without study or work, I can’t really recover properly. It’s one real bastard of a catch 22.

I’d move back home, but that’s not really an option. Not now that the family’s got a much smaller apartment. I’d have to live on the couch, in a living room with no possible way of real privacy. And I’m an introvert. I am really fortunate to have a family as loving and supportive as I do, and I love them dearly - but I NEED my space. When I went there over the winter holidays, just those two and a half weeks I was there was enough to suck me completely dry of energy. 

If anyone has any advice, I’d love to hear them. Because I need them desperately.

So well. That’s where I am now. 

[garbling thought-vomit about social issues and the failings of tumblr as a community below. Probably best ignored.]

So, why’d I disappear from Tumblr? Should be obvious. The state of my mental health is bad enough without having to deal with the constant anxiety of dealing with this social network. The nonexistence of nuance and the total intolerance of anything even remotely problematic. And the idea that if you like anything that has any problematic aspects in it at all, that means YOU are problematic and are to be ashamed.

It’s actually a really hostile environment for creatives. 

The pressure to be perfect and totally 100% inclusive at all times with not a nanometer’s space for human error or honest mistakes, the attitude that ‘if you’re not perfect 100% of the time always you are EVIL AND BAD AND SHALL BE SHUNNED FOREVERMORE’. 

The attitude a lot of Tumblr seem to have that the only things you are ever allowed to write or otherwise portray are essentially self-portraits because if you haven’t personally experienced it you should never ever write it ever. Kinda makes it impossible to even try to do properly inclusive work for fear of getting even a single minute detail wrong. It’s actually really really fucking hostile and I hate hate hate it. Like, I keep seeing creators of all kinds - writers, artists, cartoonists, animators and game devs alike try their very hardest to make something as inclusive and culturally diverse as they can, only to be rewarded with heaps upon heaps of abuse from Tumblr users just because they weren’t 100% perfect in every single aspect, or that their efforts were seen as ‘virtue signaling’ and are only doing it to make themselves look good and that is false and sin and to be PUNISHED.

It’s like the reward for trying your best to make something that everyone can enjoy without feeling left out is only hate and vitriol. 

(All the while creators who do not care about inclusivity at all get perhaps but a mere fraction of this abuse, I might add. It’s pretty fucking insane when you think about it.)

It’s suffocating.

And it’s total fucking bullshit.

People make mistakes. 

People change. 

And people can absolutely grow from those mistakes and be better. 

But Tumblr as a community keeps fostering this attitude that if you have ever said or done anything even remotely wrong on any level, regardless of the context or how long ago it was or how much better you have grown to be since then, once an uninformed or unthinking statement - accidental or not - always a racist. Or homophobe. Or transphobe. Or ableist. Or any kind of -ist or -phobe imaginable.

I’ve been very fortunate to not really have had to endure any witch-hunt personally, but I saw them happen all the time. And it just. Well. I got really fucking tired of it, and it further worsened my mental health by quite a lot. I just cared too much that I couldn’t stop ranting about it in my head. Sometimes for days.

So I left.

Why am I back? Honestly, I have no idea. I guess I still have a lot of thoughts about things and I’ve been really isolated this last year, so I just need a place where I can put them.

I intend to go on a bit of a purge of the blogs I follow and start with a zero-tolerance policy for witch-hunting bullcrap and other drama. 

See, I have a pretty simple, straightforward moral code. It’s often difficult to follow, due to the human brain working as it does with it’s shitty, garbage, garbage ‘us vs them’ mentality, but it is something I intend do always strive for.

No one should ever be judged for that which they can not control

Ever. That includes the entire spectrum of skintones, every single possible gender identity, sexuality, romantical affiliation, neuropsychiatric status - normal or otherwise, physical condition, place of birth, state of family or culture they grew up in. Or anything else I can think of.

No one picks the toolbox they’re born with. All that should ever matter to anyone is what they build with it.

Fuck jokes about skin colour - ANY skin colour - it’s tacky and only serves to further strengthen the idea that they somehow make people fundamentally different, and that idea can get set on fire and shot into the sea. 

Yes, there are absolutely issues with the culture surrounding differences in levels of melatonin. White people like myself carry a lot of privilege in the west, and darker skinned people of all kinds absolutely do face a lot of unjust treatment in the world. No matter what country in the world you are in, that place’s “default” - how I detest that unfortunate consequence of the human brain functioning as it does - will always carry a strong privilege compared to those who do not fit that default.  But it’s all cultural. There’s nothing inherent in looking any certain way that dictates a person’t being. It’s all the norms and values of the culture they were raised in - and cultures change. It’s slow. It’s difficult. But it is absolutely a worthwhile struggle, is it not?

And, maybe a reasonable path to changing a culture to be more inclusive is to maybe not constantly call attention to such differences? Because that only strengthens the idea that the trait pointed out is ‘other’ - not part of the ‘normal’. 

And we want to widen the definition of normal to include all of us. Right? That’s pretty much this entire community’s mission statement, isn’t it?

I’m thinking that simply acting like a trait is normal, that it’s not something that’s even worth calling attention to, does a lot to normalise that trait. To help it be included within the definition of normal. 

Maybe I’m wrong. But I don’t think I am.

And then there’s the whole thing with white guilt/cultural shame or pride or any somesuch. I have thoughts. Probably pretty controversial thoughts. So I’m preparing myself for pitchforks.

Feeling shame or guilt over whatever hand you drew in the grand lottery of genetical happenstance is just really fucking stupid. That much should be thoroughly established by now. But the thing is, so is feeling pride, for the same reason. You did fuck all to affect what you got. The deeds of your ancestors have nothing whatsoever to do with you. 

You don’t get to choose your toolbox. You can only choose what to do with it.

It feels kind of weird to condemn cultural pride as a concept like this, but I do. I really honestly do. Because it’s dumb. Incredibly hard to drop, absolutely - most of us are fed with it since birth, after all - but it’s still dumb. I mean, what on earth did anyone do to earn the culture they grew up in? Nothing. Because it’s entirely out of your hands.

Treasure your culture, absolutely! Revel in it. Learn all you want and can and strive to carry it forth to the next generation, and to teach anyone who wishes to listen. Absolutely do! Take pride in your accomplishments. Take pride in what you do to carry your culture forth into the future. Take pride in what you help others accomplish. Take pride in what you do to raise public awareness of the reality of your culture. Or your sexuality. Or gender identity. Or any other aspect of your being that is being woefully misrepresented somewhere.  But don’t take pride in simply being what you are. 

Because that’s just part of the completely random toolbox you got at birth - a toolbox you could not have possibly chosen any part of.

Taking pride OR feeling shame over things that you had no hand in is something you have no right or reason to do.

Never judge anyone - not even yourself - by what they have. Judge only by what they DO with what they have.

These thoughts have all been spawned by my time on tumblr. It’s a community that wants to be progressive and inclusive, but is much too often anything but. It’s all complaining, all vitriol, all salt, all echo chambers fostering this kind of thinking. Very little, if any, actual attempts at working towards real improvement.

I remember seeing a comic that circulated some time ago. About equality vs equity. There were these three kids standing by a fence, trying to watch a game of some sport or another taking place at the other side. They were all different height. 

In the equality picture, all three kids got a box to stand on, of equal size.

In the equity picture, they got a different amount of boxes, making it so all of them could see over the fence.

But there was a third picture. One rarely included. 

This picture adressed the fence itself. It swapped the wooden fence to a wire fence. One that all three kinds could see the game through, without any need of boxes.

That’s the kind of world I’d much rather live in. One where the barrier itself is adressed. Where there is no need for boxes to stand on. 

Yet all anyone can really, truly do, is do as Michael Jackson said, and start with the man in the mirror.

We can complain. We can decry. We can wallow. But it’s all for naught if we don’t then step up and act on it.

I'm sick and tired of the ceaseless complaining without action and the oppressive feeling of helplessness fostered here. I want to actually DO something to help the world be better. And if I’m not in a position where I can help personally, I can at least reach out to those in a position to do so.

This is why I donate to charity whenever I can afford it, despite my miniscule budget of a university student on sick leave with a lot of medical fees.

This is why I endeavor to always smile to strangers, be they the retail worker at the checkout, a simple passerby or the cold beggar on the street.

This is why I am always eager to share what I know with people who may need it, be it pointers about mental health or simply how to patch up a torn pair of pants.

All minuscule, inconsequential acts in the grand scheme of things. But it’s something. It’s my small straw, pulled to the anthill. Makes me feel just a little tiny bit less helpless about all the terrible things in the world.

Because even if it’s something small, it’s better than doing nothing. Far better than simply complaining and wallowing about a problem without ever following it up with action.

I don’t even know what I’m on about anymore. I should probably stop writing. Get something to eat. Go to sleep. Bye for now, then.

[michaelamimi]

Rant time

Okay so I'm ranting a little bit because I have a lot of pent up energy and Iv been dwelling on things that have been pissing me off lately. One: Its about these tumblrinas who get so offensive if you draw a fat character skinny but yet don't mind attacking the creators of a tv show if their ship isn't made gay. Let me just take off the nice girl gloves this once and say that you are pathetic fuckers if you really justify attacking fanartists who draw Rose from Steven Universe and Hung from Voltron as skinny. It's funny how your whole life revolves around these characters, oh did I say funny? I meant completely sad and depressing. Maybe these people DO NOT know how to draw big characters and their trying? You attacking them for the way they draw a fat character isn't going to automatically make them good at drawing fat and obese characters, it's gonna discourage them and then you WONT HAVE fat representation in cartoons(but you don't really care about that, your just looking for something to fucking Butch about and jerk your "I'm a good person" hard on). And if they don't wanna draw a fat character fat they don't have to it's called fan art and the character they are drawing is nonexistent, fictional, not real, so it can't hurt their cartoon feelings. And now let's address everyone's favorite fandom thing to do: SHIPPING!! Okay I'm not gonna hide it I LOVE SHIPPING, I mostly ship m/m relationships. But again I don't let these ships rule my whole life, making me unable to tell the difference between fiction and reality. Just because two guy characters in a show or cartoon stare at each other for a couple seconds does not mean that they are gay and that the director is queer baiting. I mean it's like guys can't have a close relationship with out being gay anymore, which news flash IS Sherlock and Watson relationship; just friends, which is kinda sad. So what I'm saying is grow the fuck up, if something bothers you build a bridge and get over it, not ever single guy is gay, the series is fictional so come back to reality. And above all stop being pathetic and realize it's a show/book/movie/comic not real fucking life. Okay rant over.

[clubofinfo]

Expert: The US midterm elections are almost upon us, but this is a needless bit of inconsequential trivia. It really doesn’t matter. All the Republicans can win or all the Democrats.  Either way it means about as much as a fart in a category 5 hurricane. The net result of actions taken, legislature composed, or honesty with the populace will be inconsequential. The primary difference between the two parties, who are merely playing a game of good cop/bad cop, is only if you’d prefer to see a rapid more authoritarian style ecological collapse or if you’d prefer one with a soothing dulcet voice reassuring you everything will be fine at two minutes to midnight. Neither have a workable plan on the table to get the US in a sustainable ecological state before it all comes crashing down, nor do they have any notion of creating such a plan. The best the Democrats offer are conciliatory gestures in policy shifts, but they have not the wisdom, fortitude, or honest intent to stop the devilish system at the heart of the matter. During Obama’s presidency there was a time when the Democrats controlled the senate and the house and they showed their true motivations. They did nothing to pass policies to assuage the damage being done and stop the plunder of Earth for profit, or to end the wars, or to quell mass incarceration system. Even with total control we know what the Democrats offer amounts to platitudes. And keep in mind, even if the entirety of congress, SCOTUS, and POTUS were controlled by Democrats we still would not find ourselves in a sustainable society, as again, no workable sustainability assessment and plan of transition has ever been done by the party, nor do they care to do something which might lead to such blunt truths. Because those truths would mean decentralization of power and reduction of economic influence for the neoliberal class. Monied elites know the game, and their egos immediately nix any solution set that doesn’t focus the onus of power and attention directly on them. So what are we doing here in this system? We don’t have a pragmatic solution on the table to avoid ecological collapse, which is accelerating much faster than most think. Meanwhile the people are simultaneously being told by proponents of faux democracy that by not voting for one of the major political parties one is wasting a vote, and not voting at all is akin to a crime by their measures. What such people either don’t know or won’t admit to is that we are stuck in a system where a financial gun is held at the head of the people at all times. This communicates to the people that if you change, the elites will pull their money out of markets and go Galt. The powers that be will make sure you suffer for your insolence to stand against them. They’ll make finding a livable wage impossible and thus threaten the plebs housing, supply of food, and ability to get healthcare for no other reason than a puerile egotistical insistence that they get their way. They simply don’t care what happens to the people or mother Gaia. Their self interests are why they sought out power to begin with and they’ve devoted their lives to it, and they aren’t surrendering anytime soon. As it stands, this finger trap of a system will forever spin in place and only create varying levels of profit for capitalist interests. What the system won’t do is solve any of the real problems it has created because it’s been designed to operate to do exactly what it’s doing now, which is drive profits and power directly to the 1%. Democrats only push back enough with pretty sounding words to win your vote over the other guy they are running against, but they’re going to sell out just like their opponent because they themselves are part of the problem. If this sounds like I’m discouraging people from voting, then good. Fuck voting in this system designed to oppress. As the saying goes, if voting changed something they’d make it illegal. What should be common questions routinely go unanswered around the voting system, like why are we still dealing with the same issues generation after generation; e.g., homelessness. After a couple hundred years of voting it seems like we could have solved this issue as it’s rather easy to work out when there are enough structures to house everyone. And why would we construct a system at all that awards so much power to so few, and a system that is so corrupted that people ascertain by not voting it leads to tyranny. The system itself should never allow for such a thing, but it’s innately authoritarian in premise, and continuing to vote and pretending like it makes a difference is false hope. It’s like tugging on the controls on an arcade machine without inserting a quarter, where it kinda looks like you’re making something happen on the screen, but everything is on rails. Your input makes zero difference in this undemocratic system which is designed to ignore you. And in response to the hordes of people who will insist that not voting is irresponsible and support the age old lie that if we just can get the right people in power then, then, the system will turn around – Such naive assertions should be met with a dose of reality which is glaringly clear through a cursory look at history. Such people should have to explain at what point in time there has been a sea change in our system from where it started from genocidal slavers to benevolent rulers, because such a change is nonexistent, and all one need do to figure this out is pick up a copy of Howard Zinn’s book A People’s History of the United States. What’s been there from the get go to present is abuse, stemming from the very origins of western civilization and top down social hierarchy. When the people claim they achieved a victory what they have really achieved amounts to a gesture that shuts them up. It’s analogous to a hungry child crying that has just irritated their abusive parent enough they finally concede to give them an extra morsel of food. The child then celebrates like they won a battle; however, the child is still in the abusive state but now thinks their wails do something. What they don’t realize is if they get annoying enough what they will be met with is not another conciliatory gesture but a beating. Thus I call on the people to grow a spine and stand up to our abusers. Stop choosing between which pro-mass-murder psychopath in a suit you want ruling over you and start fighting for something worth having. Should we not at least try to come up with some kind of plan as a people to organize a real solution that could potentially shake monied elites from their elevated perches? If we are to change, then a real stand has to be made against this archaic and draconian system of social hierarchy presently installed because the powerful aren’t going away and they cannot be reasoned with. They have no plans of surrendering their ill gotten gains accumulated over several centuries of abusive behavior. Many of our problems are very solvable, as they are merely the result of childish power grabs and a desire to control the labor of others. By not subscribing to this system it doesn’t mean giving up, it means shifting focus. It means incorporating real pragmatism to stop the nose dive into dystopian apocalypse and take a swing at a sustainable egalitarian borderless global society where humanity finally rids itself of the parasites who continue to insist they are more crucial to the world than the hosts they feed from. If we rid ourselves of those arrogant parasites and their system of abuse, we will find freedom again. A freedom like Native Americans and Aboriginals knew for thousands of years before the bloodsuckers latched upon us. Many will find this vantage point to be highly impractical, but I find naive half-assed solutions, endless extreme unnecessary suffering, and a trajectory leading directly to societal collapse to be far more impractical Revolt! Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. — Dylan Thomas http://clubof.info/