#and of COURSE today my body finally wanted sleep so I sleep in until 6:30

[we-re-always-alright]

made double of the fermented poolish for my loaves of bread so the goal is to try and get them both baked this morning before I have to go get my nails done HOWEVER I also have back to back meetings so it’s going to be a bit funky

[ghoststyles]

Fairway to Heaven - Part 6

WC: 8.8K

Part 1| Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

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Instead of hurt, betrayal or disgust, Briar feels heartbroken. Heartbroken Harry had to endure that. She moves closer, embracing him in a hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he violently cries into her shoulder. She rubs circles on his back, letting him get out his upset and frustration. 

“You didn’t deserve that. At all,” Briar says softly. Harry nods, just thankful she’s not upset at him. It took him years of therapy to be able to openly speak about his situation. 

“Do you know his name?”

“Oliver,” Harry rasps. 

“That’s beautiful. I bet he looks so much like you. I bet he has your kind eyes. Your charm. Your ability to make anyone feel special. I bet he’s clumsy like you. And I bet he’d like to meet you, too,” Briar says slowly. 

Harry cries harder, the sobs wracking his body.

They sit there for over an hour before Harry finally calms down. He musters up the courage to look at her. His eyes are so puffy and red, and snot is dripping from his nose.

“I understand if you’re upset with me, and if you never want to see me again,” he sighs in defeat. 

“Harry, look at me,” Briar grabs his face and runs her thumb along his cheek. “I’m absolutely not mad. I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone. I want to help you deal with this, whatever way you need to.”

“Thank you,” he whispers. “I think I want to sleep for a while.” 

“Of course, let’s go up.”

~

“Harry, baby. Wake up,” Briar whispers, gently waking Harry from his sleep. It’s well past 11AM. She called Niall to let him know Harry isn’t feeling well. 

Harry stirs, the memories of last night flooding his mind. He’s not even sure if he slept. Briar runs her finger nails along his back, gently soothing him.

“I called us both out of work today, so we’re going to spend it how you want to.”

Harry exhales. He can’t even think of the last time he took a day off. Or the last time he had a panic attack. The two probably coincide.

When Camille left him, he buried himself in work. He quickly rose to the top as an associate, eventually becoming a manager. Now that his predecessors are retiring, Harry sometimes works from 6AM until 8PM. Even on Christmas Day. 

He takes some labored deep breaths.

“Can we go get breakfast?” 

Briar scrunches her eyebrows, not expecting his answer.

“Of course. Take your time getting dressed.” 

Briar leaves the room, already having been up and dressed for hours. She tossed and turned wondering how anyone could treat him that way. Harry loves so strongly and so deeply. She already knows he’d be an incredible father, based on his love for Gus. But, she didn’t know him in his 20’s and 30’s. Maybe he wasn’t as mature as he his now.

Her heart broke again watching him sleep. He looked sad, even when unconscious.

Harry eventually comes downstairs, slowly and solemnly. He pets Gus, reveling in his fluff. He is truly their emotional support dog.

“C-can we go to this place to get a full English? You’ve had it before, right?”

“Yes, when I went to London in high school. Will you eat my beans?”

Harry laughs softly, “Yes, I’ll eat your beans.”

She guides him out to her car, knowing he’s probably not in a state to drive. She’s too nervous to drive his nice car. It’s a beautiful day, so she took the top of her jeep off. She can’t wait to see his hair flying in the wind.

They pull up to his requested breakfast spot. The parking lot is a little deserted. She is relieved, because if he needs to cry a little he can do so without judgement.

The waitress greets them with a chipper tone, but quickly adjusts based on their sad demeanor. Briar orders them both a coffee and full English breakfasts. 

They sit in silence for a while.

“I know I don’t know her, but, should you call your mom? Is this something you’d talk to her about?” 

“I did in the beginning; my sister, too. But then it just became a cycle of discussing the same thing over and over. So I just stopped bringing it up.”

Briar nods, knowing the feeling. After her dad died, she was enrolled in therapy. As a 6 year old, she didn’t have much else to talk about. 

“I saw a therapist for a while. I was a little unwilling to talk about any of my other issues, so after a while they just gave me a prescription and sent me on my way. I felt like I got kicked out.” 

Briar grabs his hand across the table, squeezing it. “That’s the tough part of it; they give you the tools and you’re supposed to just figure out how to use them. There were so many times I just wished my therapist had told me what to do and what to say.”

Harry hums. The food arrives a few minutes later. He gently breaks his egg yolk, “I’d really like you to meet my mum and sister.”

She smiles, “Aw, yes, I’d love to. It didn’t even cross my mind since you met mine so early on. Well, not my mom, I guess.”

“When was the last time you saw her?” He asks, happy to move onto a different topic.

Briar blows air out of her mouth as she tries to recall the last time she saw her mother. 

“Christmas, I guess.” 

“Can I meet her? Or do you just want to wait until it happens organically?” 

“No, no. I should call her soon, anyway. I’ll try and set something up,” Briar says, pushing her food around. She supposes they're both facing their demons head-on today. “Do you mind if my brothers come? They usually need to be coerced into seeing her.”

“Of course not. Whatever is most comfortable for you guys.” 

They eat in silence, only speaking up when the waitress returns to the table every so often.

“I send him birthday cards,” Harry says, staring at his hands.

Briar lifts her head, giving him a look to continue his thought.

“Every year around Christmas time. I’m not even really sure when his birthday is. I’ve never written a note, or anything. I just sign my name ‘Harry’. For all I know, she’s never even told him about me. Or even given him the cards.”

Briar’s sadness returns, evident in her facial expression. 

“H-have you tried contacting your mutual friend? The one that introduced you?”

“I did, years ago. Everything was kind of fresh at that point, and I definitely think he took sides. I’m pretty sure they’re together now. His parents own an art gallery and are involved in high-society over there,” he coughs. “I just look  like a schmuck in comparison. The craziest part of it all, I don’t know what I did to deserve no contact. I’m scared I’ll die never knowing.” 

Briar closes her eyes, willing herself not to cry, “Did you ever fly to France to try and find her? Or her family?” 

“I did. Once. I’d say about 6 months later. I drank whiskey the entire flight to Paris. I didn’t even have any luggage with me. I just marched off the plane and went to where I last knew she lived. I should’ve known her keeping her Paris apartment meant something.” 

“You couldn’t have known,” Briar says softly. 

“I knocked on the door. She opened it so quickly. I think she was expecting someone else. Her jaw dropped, and she tried to close the door on me. I was able to get inside, but she started throwing bottles at me. Then she threatened to get a restraining order against me. She was really showing at that point, so I didn’t want it the police to get involved.” 

Briar is horrified the more he tells her. 

“I went home to my mum’s for a while. Then flew back to the US and just went back to work. I can’t say I’ve done anything substantial since then.” 

“Oh, stop. You renovated a gorgeous house. You started going back to Wynnewood. You’ve become your own boss,” Briar rattles off his accomplishments.

“I just thought I’d be married by now,” Harry chokes up a bit. She moves to his side of the table, leaning her head on his shoulder. 

“I know this is ironic coming from a 23 year old; but, there’s no timeline on life, baby. You faced adversity and are moving on from it. That takes a lot of courage.” 

Harry chuckles, wiping away a stray tear. Briar is so emotionally intelligent for a 23 year old. 

They leave the café, opting to go back to Harry’s house. They grab books from his shelf and read them outside on his comfy lounge chair under the cabana, hoping the sunshine heals them both. Harry eventually dozes off, finally achieving deep sleep after a rocky 24 hours. 

Briar massages his head, twirling his curls in between her fingers. As much as she wants to comfort him, she can’t help her tendencies to meddle. 

She visits Niall’s Instagram, immediately checking his following list. She scrolls, closely examining every profile to find even a tiny breadcrumb that could lead her to Camille. Harry never said her last name, so she’ll have to pull out the big guns of internet stalking.

Nothing stands out tremendously; He doesn’t follow many people. Just a few OnlyFans models, golf companies and Barstool Sports. She spots a familiar name, Lydia…Where does she know that name from?

Briar’s thumb gives one last ditch effort scroll, when she lands on an account: @Fingermonkey

She clicks on it, and her heart immediately stops. Camille. The woman who made her boyfriend lose sight of who he was. The account is public, so she cautiously proceeds. 

She’s a striking woman; she can see why Harry fell for her. She exudes beauty and class. It’s almost palpable.

Briar shudders, unsure if she should continue. She’s on her page for selfish reasons; to see Harry’s son. Her curiosity gets the best of her. She scrolls some more, before stopping at a photo of a tiny hand. Briar bites her lip, staring back down at Harry.

“No going back,” she whispers to herself.

After another few scrolls, she finds what she’s looking for. It’s from around 5 years ago. Camille is holding a tiny boy with dark brown curls and green eyes, bright as day. They’re on the swings, bright smiles adorning their faces. 

Briar feels like she’s been sucker punched in the stomach. He’s a beautiful little boy. A boy Harry never even got the chance to love and help raise. She takes several deep breaths and scrolls back even further to 8 years prior. 

Another blow. The engagement photos.

Briar winces, zooming in. They seem to be taken in California, just as the sun is setting. Camille is holding Harry’s face as she kisses him, the ring being the main focal point. She reads the caption:

J'ai trouvé mon éternité.

I found my forever.

She clicks off Camille’s page, rolling her eyes. She clears the search history, knowing she’s been caught stalking in the past.

Briar has so many questions. 

Does she want Harry to find her? Why is Niall still following her? 

~

Briar is physically at Wynnewood, but mentally elsewhere. After her stalking session, Harry woke up feeling better, so they decided she should go home. As much as he loves her company, he always needs alone time to process things. She was happy to oblige, needing her own time to breathe.

Briar is taking inventory after her shift when she spots Niall on the practice green. A lump forms in her throat, but she knows she needs to confide in him. He smiles, waving her over. 

“Hey, Briar. I heard about the other day. I was up in the clubhouse already when everything went down. How’re you doing?” He asks, pulling her in for a hug.

“I’m good, thanks for asking. Everything was taken care of, so I just needed some time to shake it off.” 

He nods, fiddling with his putter. Niall looks around, not really sure what else to say.

“Hey, Niall, can I ask you something?”

His eyes go wide, clearing his throat, “Listen, if it’s about Lydia and I…”

Finally, it clicks. Lydia from the party. Lydia who told her she’s also dating someone from the club. Briar gasps, “I, uh, what?” 

“Fuck.”

Briar crosses her arms in front of herself, “Um, I was just going to tell you that Harry told me about Camille, and about the baby.”

“Fuuuuck,” Niall scratches the back of his head. “Can you ignore what I said before?”

Briar laughs, “For now. We can talk about that later. I just wanted to see if you had other insight. It was obviously a very emotionally charged conversation.”

“Yeah. Are you off now? Do you want to go inside for a drink?”

She nods and waits for him to clean up his stuff. They walk back to the clubhouse in silence, so Briar grabs a table outside while Niall changes in the locker room. The club is empty enough, so she’s not worried about members seeing them together.

He sits down, sighing, “I-I don’t really know how to proceed. Do you just want to tell me what he’s told you?”

“Sure,” she says quietly. Briar begins filling him in about their dinner at Ashmont and Jonathan revealing more than Harry was willing to share. Her heart races as she shares more details.

“That’s tough, darling. I know he was going to tell you eventually. The situation absolutely wrecked him. It took years to feel like I had my friend back.” 

She nods, biting her lip, staring down at her shoes. Harry bought her a pair of lavender and white New Balances; her initials stitched in the tongue. 

“You’re a very rational person, even at your age,” he smiles, leaning to put his elbows on his knees. “So, I know you’ll both work through it. But, what are your feelings?”

Briar sucks in a breath. “I’m not angry, and I want to support him, of course. But, I can’t help but have this sinking feeling in my stomach. I did some Instagram stalking.”

“You found Camille on there?”

“Yeah, through your account,” she waits for Niall to look back up at her.

He meets her eyes, “I keep a distance. I don’t speak to her or our mutual friends from study abroad. But I like to keep tabs. He’s my mate and I want to protect him.” 

Briar nods, picking the skin at her cuticles. 

“He’s a cute kid, isn’t he?” Niall smiles. 

“Yeah, he is. Harry didn’t deserve that. At all,” she says, sitting back in her seat. “Should I meddle? Or just stay out of it?”

“I would hate to see this kid get any older without meeting his father. And, if you think you’ll be,” he trails off, smiling to himself. “Sticking around for a while, I think you have the influence on him to face it head on.”

“I hope I’ll be sticking around for a while,” she smiles.

~

Briar feels slightly better after talking to Niall. She has to remember to ask Harry if he knew about Lydia. 

Briar was in need of some cathartic release. If Harry was willing to face this obstacle, she’s willing to face hers. She sits in the driver’s seat of her Jeep and scrolls her list of contacts before landing on Catherine Barlowe. 

She dials, going through several cycles before finally being answered on the final ring. 

“Hi, Bri. How are you, sweetheart?”

“Hi, Mom. I’m good, how are you?”

“I’m so good, honey. I’m so happy to hear from you. Dean and I are actually getting ready to move in a few weeks.”

“Oh? Where are you going?” Briar scrunches her eyebrows. That means her mom is selling the house she bought with her dad. The house she lived her first 9 years in before her mother’s addiction led to the 5 of them being placed with her aunt and uncle. 

“I thought your brother may have told you. We’re going to California, honey.”

“Who? I thought the last time we all saw you was at Christmas time? And why California?” 

“Jasper. He comes to see me. A lot more recently. The other boys only contact me when you do. I don’t think I’ll ever hear from Welles on his own,” Catherine sighs. “Dean is from California. He has young daughters, so we’re moving there to be closer to them. You remember? I told you about them.”

Tears begin welling in Briar’s eyes. Her mother, now 4 years sober and remarried gets to go play house with Dean’s young children. Instead of tending to her own.

“Yeah, I remember. There’s three of them, right? But they weren’t at the wedding,” Briar says quietly, remembering the rushed ceremony that took place the week after they finished their program together. Welles was furious, Jasper and Callum didn’t say a word, and Cormac cried the entire time. Patrick couldn’t bear to go. Meredith went in support of the siblings. 

“Yes, he didn’t have custody rights at the time. But, that’s all settled now. We’re so happy, Bri.”

“I’m glad, Mom. Listen, I have to go, but I wanted to see if you’d be interested in going out to lunch soon. I’d like you to meet my boyfriend,” she rasps out.

“That sounds great, honey. Just text me the details. Talk soon.”

“Bye,” Briar chokes, throwing her phone into the passenger seat. She takes a few deep breaths to regulate her breathing. The tears continue to fall as she pulls out of the parking lot of Wynnewood. 

Her phone begins to buzz, seeing Harry’s contact photo pop up.

“Hi,” she says solemnly before placing the phone between her shoulder and ear. 

“Hi, Birdie. Are you okay?” He asks, sensing her tone.

“Yeah, yep, I’m good. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I figured you’re leaving Wynnewood. Was gonna see if you want to grab Gus and come over. I can make us dinner.”

“Um, I’m kind of tired. Think I’m just gonna go home, if that’s alright.”

“No, yeah, of course, love. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, I promise. I’ll text you when I get home, okay?”

“Okay,” he says softly. “Bye.”

She hangs up, not even bothering to say bye. Briar knows she shouldn’t take it out on Harry, but she’s struggling to hold herself together. She hears a crack of thunder before feeling thick rain drops hit her face.

“Fuck!” 

Briar never put her Wrangler’s roof back on the other day. The droplets get more intense as she nears her apartment. Pulling into her spot, she frantically runs to her storage area to grab her roof parts. 

It’s down pouring now, but she charges forward with her parts, lining them against the car. Her biceps are burning trying to lift the piece on top of the car. Tears are starting to roll down her face, her hair beginning to stick to her neck.

Briar squeezes her eyes closed, defeated as she feels two arms wrap around her. She whips her head around, startled by her boyfriend. 

“What’s going on, love? Let me help,” Harry says, pulling her down from the step of her Jeep. She steps to the side under her apartment’s overhang, watching him effortlessly put the roof of her Jeep back together. He’s absolutely soaked, his gray sweatpants now a charcoal color. She watches the way his back muscles move under his white t-shirt. 

He fastens the parts from the inside of the car before grabbing her backpack in one hand, and her hand in the other. He guides her to her apartment while fumbling with her keys. Gus greets them at the door, unsure who to go to first. 

Harry sits Briar down on her ottoman before grabbing the fuzzy blanket from her sofa.

“What’s going on? I’m a little scared,” Harry says, his eyes full of concern. 

She takes a shaky breath before sobs take over her whole body. She folds in on herself, burrowing into the blanket.

“I-I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she wails. Harry is stunned, unsure what she’s apologizing for.

“I should be supporting you and here I am getting so overwhelmed and then trying to deal with my own bullshit,” Briar cries. He places his hand gently on her back.

“Baby, I’m lost. Did something happen today?”

“I called my mom. She’s moving to California to raise her new husband’s kids,” Briar cries, snot pouring from her nose. “I should’ve fucking known. I don’t even know why I called.”

Harry can’t help but feel a little guilty. He mentioned it at their breakfast to get himself out of the hot seat. She took his bait. 

“And because I can’t stop meddling, I looked up Camille online,” she confesses. “I even talked to Niall about it all.” 

Harry freezes. He figured she would confide in Niall. But he didn’t think she’d look Camille up. He’s too afraid to ask what she found. 

Harry guides her to sit up. He grabs her cheeks with one hand and makes her face him, “Hey. Hey. I need you to breathe, Briar.”

Briar cries harder at his use of her name. She can feel herself start to hyperventilate. He wraps himself around her tight. He holds her until she stops shaking. Gus has brought them 5 of his toys to try and lighten the mood. 

“Gus, go to your bed,” Harry commands, voice deep. Briar flinches. 

She lifts her head, taking in a deep breath.

“I hurt my own feelings today. I went looking for information I shouldn’t’ve,” she admits quietly.

“I think we all do that sometimes. Which part do you want to talk about first?”

Briar loves how diplomatic Harry is. Even when they have their spats, he always makes her feel like an equal partner. She also loves when he completely dominates her in the bed right after.

“W-we can talk about my mom,” she says, assuming that’s the easier of the two. “Her husband has 3 young daughters. So, now my mom gets a do-over. Poof. Our family is just out of the picture.”

Harry sighs. His father did something similar after his parents divorced. It stung for years, and took time to mend. Now they’re very close. 

“That’s awful, Birdie. I’m so sorry. Are you going to see her before she leaves?”

She nods, wiping her nose on his chest, “Yeah, told her about you. Apparently my brother has been visiting her in secret. I’m so angry.”

He smiles lightly, “I’m happy to come along. Or not. Whichever makes you more comfortable. Don’t hold it against him. You all have to deal with things differently.”

“Thank you,” she says.

“Of course, baby. Now, do you want to tell me about the other situation?”

“Only if you want to. I crossed a line,” she starts to cry again.

She wraps her hand within his, squeezing tightly. Comfortable silence is usually never an issue for them, but the tension could be cut with a knife. 

“Well, social media is public information, baby. I could’ve done it years ago, but never did.”

“I saw him,” Briar blurts out. It was now or never.

Harry closes his eyes, feeling nauseous. He takes a deep breath through his nostrils, “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. He’s gorgeous, Harry. Really,” she sniffles. “You shouldn’t give up. She’s wrong for what she did. And I want to help you fight for this.”

He can’t help but feel his heart swell with pride. His tough girl is ready to sit in the trenches with him. To fight the biggest demon holding him back from his happiness.

“I wrote a letter years ago,” Harry starts. “Let’s send it.”

Briar gasps, sitting up to face him, “I don’t want you to feel pressured by me.”

“I’m not. I’m not sure if this is too soon, but I already know I want to keep you around for a long, long time. This will help me get over my last hurdle.”

Briar cradles his face, kissing him gently.

“I’m yours, if you’ll have me.”

They huddle together.

Briar starts to snicker, “Did you have any idea that Niall and Lydia, the server from the club, are dating?”

Harry’s head shoots up, “Huh?” 

“Okay, good. I would’ve been pissed if you hid that from me."

“How’d you find out?”

Briar laughs, “I said, ‘Hey, Niall, can I ask you something?’ And he confessed immediately.” 

Harry throws his head back laughing.

~

Harry is in his study, silently reading his letter from years ago. His tears are falling onto the paper, dotting and blurring the ink. He was 32 when he wrote this. It sounds old, but he was a kid. It was hard to keep him at home. He had access to disposable income, so he used it to its fullest.

Camille lived a simple life, finding pleasure in gardening, reading and going to cafés. Her job always came first, which kept her busy traveling around the world. Harry was restless; always chasing the next big thing, and partying until his body physically shut down. 

It didn’t help that he was a touchy person. Even though Camille had his whole heart, he shamelessly flirted with other women. He let them hang on him at bars, on yachts, and anywhere he could get attention. People in their circle talk; leaving Harry in the hot seat more than once.

He’d be naïve to blame it on Camille’s attachment style. She was generally cold, not showing him much affection. But, nonetheless he pursued her, absolutely enamored by her beauty and grace. 

He was dumb enough to suggest an open relationship one time; about 6 years into the relationship. His needs in bed became too much for Camille. She didn’t understand his need to get off and dominate her. He slept at a hotel every night that week. She gave him an out, but he couldn’t take it. 

When Camille left, he started hooking up with women more regularly. His heart hurt so bad, but he was finally getting his physical needs met. None of them lasted, until Briar. 

Over the course of 8 years, his heart slowly healed. It’s not ideal that Briar is so much younger, and an employee of his country club. There’s a strange power dynamic there. He loved how flustered she got when he looked at her; she still does sometimes, but he can feel the difference. 

They bring encourage each other’s confidence. They drive each other to be a better version of themselves. They feed each other’s deepest desires; scratching every itch that had been culminating over several years. 

Harry begins rewriting the letter; changing the tone from blinding rage, to one of neutrality. He wishes her well. He hopes she’s healed.

From what? He’s not sure. He hopes she understands his point of view, and will consider letting Harry meet his child. He’d do anything at this point. 

He seals up the letter, addressing it to Camille. Not even sure she still lives at this address, he walks it out to his mailbox anyway, lifting the red flag to signal the post man. 

He feels weight lift from his chest that had been there since the day he met Camille.

~

Briar and Harry are sitting at a nice restaurant on the water. She sips gingerly at her mojito while they wait for her mother to arrive. Briar extended the invite to her brothers, but received radio silence from them all. 

She’s anxiously bouncing her leg, to which Harry firmly grasps her thigh as he locks his jaw. She inhales sharply, closing her eyes. After the emotional turmoil they’ve experienced over the last few weeks, their sex life has toned down immensely. She misses his hand around her neck and his dirty whispers. 

“Relax. I’m right here,” Harry whispers in her ear lowly.

Briar gasps when three of her brothers appear from the restaurant’s entryway. Jasper must’ve picked up Callum and Cormac from Patrick’s.

Briar stands to hug her older brothers, while Harry pulls Cormac in for a hug.

“Where’s Welles?”

“Not sure. I haven’t heard from him,” Callum says simply. 

She rolls her eyes. He’s 28, but he is the most immature out of all of them. 

They sit, easing into a conversation with Harry. She’s grateful she can entertain them while she’s somewhere else in her head. He reaches over to lock pinkies. 

Her mother walks in, looking stunning. That’s one thing that Briar has always been jealous of. It’s why her addiction flew under the radar for so long. She was always put together and exuding happiness. But in secret, she was struggling. 

Her strawberry blonde hair is longer than when she saw her last, loose waves falling over her shoulders. She’s in a floor length floral gown, a sweater over her shoulders to fight the chill of the restaurant. 

She spots them after speaking with the hostess, her smile lighting up the room. 

“Hi, my babies!”

Jasper stands to greet her, while her other brothers hold in a groan. She walks around the circular table to press a kiss to Briar’s head, before turning her attention to Harry.

“And who’s this? Don’t think I popped him out,” she laughs, waiting for Harry to stand up.

“Mom, seriously?” Briar grimaces. 

“Hi, I’m Harry. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Harry says smiling, pulling out the chair for her. 

“Pleasure is all mine, Harry. I’m Catherine. Isn’t my daughter incredible?”

Harry smiles, nodding. He can sense Briar’s discomfort. He assumes this praise is just for show. 

Her mother brings up every topic under the sun, effectively avoiding topics regarding Briar’s father, the move, and her new husband.

They eat, letting Cormac talk about school, Callum talk about grad school and his new girlfriend, and Jasper about his new job. Briar realizes she’s done a shit job at talking to her brothers lately. She doesn’t know any of this.

“Where’s Wellie, Briar? Didn’t you invite him?”

“I did. Didn’t hear from him.”

“It would’ve been nice for you to follow up with him,” Catherine snipes. “It’s not everyday I get to see all five of you.”

“Really? How about you? When was the last time you talked to him?” Briar crosses her arms at her mother.

“It doesn’t matter. This is family time,” Catherine raises her eyebrows, waiting for Briar to snap.

“You know all about that, don’t you mom? Just counting down the minutes until you can go play house with Dean’s kids in California.”

Callum and Cormac look between the two women, stunned. Jasper’s eyes widen.

“California?” Callum questions. “Mom, what is she talking about?”

Catherine looks around, “I thought Jasper would’ve filled you all in. I’m moving to California with Dean to be closer to his kids. They’re younger.”

Jasper looks down, pushing the vegetables around on his plate. Callum shakes his head, throwing his napkin on the table before storming off. Cormac starts to cry, to which Harry puts a hand on his back. 

“Mom, how can you leave?” Cormac asks, his lip quivering. 

“Baby, you’re all adults. You don’t need me anymore.”

“I’m only 17, Mom,” Cormac chokes. 

Briar has tears streaking down her face. Briar hasn’t needed her mother since she was 12 years old, hoping and praying for her to come back. Cormac barely knew her; only fantasizing what their relationship could’ve been. 

Harry pays the bill before suggesting Catherine leaves. She nods, standing to grab her purse. She silently looks each of her children in the eye before walking out of the restaurant. 

“I’m sorry, Bri. I thought she changed,” Jasper says solemnly. 

“It’s okay. You deserve to handle your relationship with her however you want.”

Harry and Briar walk out hand in hand after spending 20 minutes consoling her brothers. 

They climb into Harry’s car, silently staring ahead. Harry grabs her hand again.

“That was rough, pup. I’m sorry,” Harry says softly.

“Can we just go home? I miss you, Daddy.”

Harry clears his throat as his cock twitches.

“You have me, Birdie. Let’s go home.”

~

“Be rough with me,” Briar pleads from the bed. “I want it so bad.”

Harry chuckles as he pulls his belt from the loops on his pants. She’s completely bare, her wrists fastened to each corner of the bed. He opts to leave her feet out of the restraints, hoping he can toss her around a bit. 

“Daddy’s been taking it easy on his Birdie for the last couple weeks,” Harry says, trailing his knuckle along her rib cage. She keens, shivering from the light touch. “But don’t think I forgot about your stunt at Ashmont.”

Briar freezes, remembering their escapades. She taunted him, removing her panties in the stall, waiting for him to come after her. It’s a shame the night turned into a disaster soon after. She whines, not sure what else to do.

“Hm? Remember that, Birdie? Words,” he stares straight into her eyes.

“Yes, Daddy. I was naughty,” she bites her lip. 

He doesn’t like that. He shoves his middle and ring fingers into her mouth, choking her a little. “Leave that lip alone. I bite that.”

She purrs around his digits, goosebumps rising on her skin. He removes them from her mouth before sticking them at her core. He barely grazes her folds, seeing how she’ll react. She jerks around, slightly moving her pelvis to meet his hand. 

“Ah, ah. No. You’ll be taken care of how I decide.” 

She nods, swallowing thickly. She’s eating up everything he throws at her.

“Think I’m gonna take my time tonight,” Harry let’s out an exaggerated sigh. Briar whines, pushing her face into her shoulder. “Mm-mm. None of that.” 

Harry pushes Briar’s legs in the air, holding her ankles together, so the lips of her vagina are peaking out between her thighs. He growls at the sight.

“This little pussy is so used to getting what she wants. What does she want tonight, Birdie?”

“Your mouth, Daddy! Please!” Briar balls her fists, wiggling slightly.

Harry spits, watching the liquid drip down her thighs and cunt, “Nah, I’m good.”

Briar’s jaw locks in frustration. She watches as he walks to his closet grabbing her plug and vibrator. He generously applies lube to the plug, gently circling her ass. Briar closes her eyes, laying her head back. 

He gently pushes the plug in past the tight muscle, moving it in and out a little. 

“Oh my godddd,” Briar exhales. Her chest is rising and dropping fast. 

“I think tonight’s the night, baby.”

Briar whines, half out of horniness and the other out of nervousness. He flicks the vibrator on, pressing it firmly on her clit. She throws her head to the side. 

“Look at me. Don’t look over there,” Harry threatens, increasing the speed. 

She wills her eyes open, staring into his, her mouth opening slightly. The tension is building in her pelvis. She’s sure to come once he starts circling the vibrator on her clit; his signature move. Within seconds of him doing that, she’s crumbling. 

Harry shuts off the vibrator and adjusts her leg position so her legs are open wide, one resting on his shoulder.

“Wanna see your pretty face when I fuck your ass,” He says, peppering kisses on her face and neck.

“Please,” Briar whispers. 

Harry reaches between them and pulls the plug out and tosses it on the floor. He’ll clean it later. He extends his hand to rest in front of her face. 

“Spit.”

She spits on his fingertips, a line of spit connecting them to her lips. He lowers his hand to lightly touch her hole before inserting his middle finger. Briar groans, pulling on her restraints. He quickly inserts another, rocking them in and out of her gently. 

Harry’s cock is neglected, standing tall and proud, nearly touching the tip to his torso. Briar begins to panic, unsure if his girth will fit in there.

“Relax, baby. I got you. Do you remember your word?” He says, petting her cheek.

“Bogey,” she says softly. 

“Good girl,” he kisses her again. Harry has never withheld kisses, even in her worst punishments. “One more and then we’ll go for it, okay?”

“Mhm,” she nods, a single tear escaping her eye. She trusts her boyfriend with her entire being, but her heart rate is skyrocketing. 

The third digit enters her, eliciting a whine. Harry flexes his fingers, giving her a delicious stretch. A thick layer of sweat has formed behind her knees and on her forehead. 

Harry kisses her forehead, licking the saltiness from his lips, “All good, Birdie. Doing so well for me.”

After a few more minutes of stretching her out, Harry pulls his fingers out and lowers himself to be eye level with her ass. He licks a long stripe over the now open hole. Briar shivers, pulling on the restraints.

Harry rises from his spot on the bed to pull his underwear all the way off, his cock bobbing as he moves. He grips his length firmly, giving himself a few generous pumps. He kneels over her, undoing her right hand’s restraint. She looks at him curiously, but understands when he entwines their hands. 

He uses his right hand to line himself up at her delicate center. Briar sucks in a breath in anticipation. Harry presses the bulbous head of his dick in, groaning as he moves. His pace is painstaking, taking in every facial expression from the angel below him. 

“Such a good girl. Letting Daddy be the only one to fuck this little hole,” he pants, nostrils flaring. His forehead is starting to drip with sweat.

“Only you,” she whines as he pushes in little by little.

“Let me know if you need me to stop and take a break, lovie.”

She furiously shakes her head, still holding in a breath. Harry is finally working his way up to full thrusts.

“Breathe with me,” Harry pleads. “1,2,3, exhale.”

Briar feels high. That breath sent her senses all the way to her pussy.

“Daddy,” Briar breathes heavily. 

“What do you need, baby?”

“Fingers. I-In my pussy,” she cries. “Please.” 

“Okay, baby. I know y’empty in there,” he smiles down at her lovingly as he untangles their fingers so he can stick them inside. “So wet f’me.”

The sensations are too much once he starts petting her g-spot with his fingers.

“Coming, Daddy,” she babbles.

“Go ahead, Birdie. So fucking proud of you.”

She squeezes her eyes closed, letting out a cry of relief as she hits her wall. 

Harry chuckles at her babbling. She is fucked out to high heaven. He wants one more out of her before he comes. He alternates thrusting into her ass and fingering her pussy. He releases her other hand from the restraint. She’s too distracted, so her hand remains in the same spot.

“Rub your little clit, baby. One more f’me.”

“Ugggghnnnn,” Briar whines, drool coming out of her mouth. She circles her clit three more times before she’s clenching hard on his fingers and cock.

The squeeze of her ass pushes Harry into his own orgasm, a ringing forming in his ear. He gives two last lazy thrusts, emptying himself into her. He closes his eyes and hangs his head low before slowly pulling out.

Briar squawks, so he shushes her gently. Harry could come again at the sight in front of him. His come is leaking out of her ass hole, dripping onto the sheets below. He picks some up with his finger, smearing it on her pussy. She mewls, her head lolling to the side. 

“So fucking good for me. Gorgeous, baby.”

Harry takes a mental image before hustling to the bathroom. He starts the bath, making sure to throw some epsom salt and lavender oil in there. He wets a towel with warm water for Briar, and throws two towels into his towel warmer. 

He reenters the bedroom to find his girl curled up, her back to him. He runs his knuckles down her protruding spine. Harry gently dabs the towel along her labias and ass to clean up.

“Birdie, I ran us a bath. Gonna lift you,” Harry coos. Her eyelashes flutter as she looks up at him with moony eyes.

Harry lifts her from her armpits and knees, and swiftly carries her to the tub. Her eyes are shut, but she rests her head on his chest. He’s become a pro at maneuvering themselves into the tub.

Harry positions Briar at the front of the tub, before finding his seat at the back. He leans forward to pull her body to his chest. Harry closes his eyes and rolls his neck along the edge of the porcelain tub, listening to their uneven breaths.

He plays with Briar’s hair; twirling the long pieces between his fingers. She hasn’t said a word, but he knows she’s elsewhere right now. He moves his fingertips to her scalp, gently scratching around the nape of her neck, hoping she’ll come back to him soon.

“Mmmmm,” Briar hums, smiling to herself.

Harry smiles, increasing the pressure and speed like he’s petting Gus.

“Stop,” Briar whines, her hair now in her face.

“Sorry, Birdie. How do you feel?” 

“Good. Sleepy,” Briar yawns.

“Hungry? I can order us something,” Harry taps her sides.

“Can we have Caesar salads and Diet Cokes?” She cranes her neck to look back at him.

Harry laughs, “Sure, baby.”

“And french fries.”

“You got it,” Harry leans down and kisses her.

~

Briar is staying at Harry’s while he’s in the city for a few in-person meetings. It’s been nice; she does yoga outside in the mornings, takes Gus for walks around the picturesque neighborhood, and cooks using his expensive appliances.

🦊: Hi, Birdie.

🐥: Hi Daddy

🦊: Miss me yet? 

🐥: I like being able to lay sideways in your bed

🦊: You can do that when I’m there.

🐥: You’re too hard

🦊: How’d you know? Send me a picture.

🐥: It’s 10AM. Pay attention to your meeting

🦊: I’m not asking. 

Though Harry isn’t home, Briar still walks around his house scantily clad. An idea to terrorize her boyfriend pops into her head. Bolting up the stairs, Briar grabs her plug from Harry’s special area in his closet. She smirks to herself, feeling the cool metal in her hand. She walks outside, peering over Maureen’s fence to ensure no one will witness what she’s about to do.

She gathers spit in her mouth before lubricating the plug. She places one foot on the lounge chair for leverage, before nudging the plug past her entrance. Waddling around, she moves two lounge chairs to face one another. Propping her phone up on one, she shuffles to the other to get into position. She removes her sleep tank top and silk shorts, staring up into the sky to get some sun on her face.

She kneels, making sure to pop her ass out more. The phone is set to video so she can take screen shots of the poses she likes best. Or just send the whole damn video to him.

She makes sure to twist her body to fake some curves, looking over her shoulder and touching her hair. She fiddles with the plug, making her whine. 

Yup, she’s sending the video.

After a few minutes, she gets up from the lounge chair, being sure to flash the camera. She grabs the phone, scanning it over her body before blowing a kiss.

Delivered

Looking around again, she quickly throws her clothes back on, opting to leave the plug in for the day. Gus joins her outside, laying on the chair opposite hers. She has an urge to shut her phone off completely, just to push Harry’s buttons a little more.

Her quiet morning is interrupted by her ringtone blaring. She picks up without saying anything.

“Do you think you’re funny?”

“Who is this?” Briar is holding back laughter.

“I am in a meeting, little girl. You sent that video when all I told you to send was a photo.”

“So are you jerking yourself in the bathroom?”

“What a fucking mouth on you, huh? And yeah, your little video is causing a problem,” Harry grits.

Briar whines, “Don’t you wish it was my little hand, Daddy? Or my mouth?”

Harry slams his fist against the bathroom stall. His neck vein is protruding as he growls.

Briar is full on smiling to herself. She’s not particularly horny right now, but she’s happy to aid Harry with his issue. She can hear his panting increase before a clattering of the phone. 

“Harry?”

“Fuck, I dropped my phone,” he laughs incredulously.

“Oh my, well, maybe I should let you go,” Briar trails off.

“No, baby. Almost done. Just tell Daddy how much you love,” he groans. “Love him.”

“I love you, Daddy. So much. Come for me,” Briar says, leaning into her chair.

Harry releases into the toilet with a strangled moan. He prays to God the conference room walls are thick. He grabs a wad of toilet paper to wipe down his misfires before flushing.

“Thanks, Birdie. You’re in so much trouble when I’m home. Love you.”

“Okay, bye.”

She hangs up, shaking her head. She looks over her shoulder to see Maureen standing at the fence, watering her plants. Briar gives her a tight smile and wave, to which Maureen grimaces in response.

Briar lounges for a few hours before feeling intense boredom. She cleans a little bit, making sure to dust Harry’s various trinkets from his travels. She lightly wipes a ceramic elephant he got in Thailand, a Russian nesting doll from his time in St. Petersburg, and a clay shark from South Africa. While Harry has been all over the globe, the two share a desire to one day back back in South America. She hopes a llama trinket will one day sit on this shelf. 

It’s been a few weeks since the lunch with Briar’s mom and since Harry sent the letter to Camille. While she’s happy Harry is attempting to get to know his son, Briar can’t help but feel extreme anxiety. Why hasn’t Camille responded? 

The shrill sound of the doorbell and Gus’s subsequent bark breaks Briar’s train of thought. She can see a figure through the frosted glass of Harry’s front door, lingering at the table of snacks designated for delivery drivers. 

Briar can see the UPS logo on the man’s shirt, so she lets him pick his goodies before opening the door. She waved to him as he drives away, looking down at the package at her feet. She wonders if Harry sent her something for when he returns. 

Bending over, she’s surprised at the package’s weight. If it were new lingerie, it’d be light. She bends at the knees, inhaling when she lifts the package. Shooing Gus away, she manages to get the package to Harry’s long kitchen table. 

She’s wracking her brain what it could be. The entire package is wrapped in brown paper. She flips it over to see the label. Harry’s name written in cursive letters using a Sharpie. Her eyes are drawn to the left hand side; the sender.

C. Rowe 4 Rue Dupetit-Thouars Paris, France 75003

A lump forms in Briar’s throat. It’s been a few hours since she talked to Harry this morning. Her fingers start to dial his number.

“If you’re calling for a follow-up to this morning, I have to let you know that Niall is right next to me.”

She hears Niall groan in the background. When she doesn’t laugh or respond, Harry tries again. “Birdie?”

“Hi, I-I wanted to tell you that a package came f-for you,” Briar chokes out. 

Harry scrunches his eyebrows, “Okay, just leave it with the others. Anything else?”

He wants to be sweet with her, but she knows not to call about random things while he’s in meetings.

“I-it’s from Camille.”

Silence. Briar closes her eyes. 

Harry sighs, “I see. Okay, thanks for letting me know, pup. I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon. Are you going to be okay until then?”

“Y-yes, I’ll be fine. I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I’m so nervous.” 

“It’s okay. This whole thing is a little odd. Just try to take your mind off it. Throw it in my office if you don’t feel like seeing it.” 

“Okay, I will. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”

“Love you.”

Harry sighs. Niall looks over at him empathetically. 

“So when were you gonna tell me you’re dating one of the servers?”

Niall’s eyes go wide before rubbing his temples, “She told you?”

“What? Why wouldn’t she? She’s my girlfriend.” 

“We’re not dating. We hooked up once...twice.”

“Mhm,” Harry laughs. “Better nip that in the bud, then.”

Niall groans again just as their next meeting begins.

~

The anticipation is killing Briar. Harry is due home any minute, so she’s pacing between his kitchen and living room. Sitting on the sofa, sitting on the stool, sitting on the chair, standing by the window. She can’t keep still.

She joins Gus in his outburst of barking and running from window to window when they hear Harry’s car pull into the garage. She pokes her head into the garage to see Harry unloading his bags from the back.

She walks over to him, pressing her hands into his chest. 

“Hi, Birdie. Missed you,” Harry says, pressing a kiss to her mouth.

“Welcome home,” she smiles back at him.

She grabs the wheeled suitcase, lifting it over the threshold of the door. 

“Let me change and we can open it,” Harry says simply. Briar’s stomach drops.

“Okay.”

Briar corrals Gus to the sofa, the two of them perching in the corner seat. Harry changed into colorful sweatpants and a t-shirt that says ‘vote vote vote’. He grabbed the package from his office on his way back into the main living room. 

He places the package on the coffee table. The two of them stare at it silently. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to do this alone?”

“Mm, no, it’s okay. If there’s a letter, then I’ll read that on my own.”

Briar nods, waiting for him to open the box.

Harry peels the brown paper from the edges, tearing straight through his and Camille’s names.

He removes the paper in its entirety, examining the oversized shoe box before pulling the lid off. He places it off to the side while peering at the contents. From first glance, it looks like junk. 

He scrunches his eyebrows when he spots one of his old shirts. Did Camille really use this as an opportunity to send his shit back?

He moves the shirt to reveal a few envelopes, a baby rattle, a small pair of vans, a stuffed dog, and drawings. 

Harry opens one of the envelopes to find a stack of Polaroid pictures. He can feel his eyes start to sting. They’re in chronological order, showing his son grow from a tiny baby to an excited 7 year old. Briar has her head on his shoulder, silently viewing the photos. The birth photo has words scribbled in Sharpie at the bottom.

Oliver Styles Rowe  18-11-2016 3.3kgs | 53 cm

Harry is crying now. Briar rubs his back, trying to encourage him to keep going. 

He flips through the photo, feeling vomit bubble up his throat. This kid looks like a lot of fun. Fun that’s killing him to not have been a part of. Camille keeps him well travelled; there are photos from Tokyo, Australia and Mexico. 

Unlike most babies, Harry’s had his signature curls from the start. Briar gasps at the photos as they get closer to present day. Oliver is Harry’s twin. 

Oliver receives great marks in school; he’s pictured with several certificates and trophies. He even seems to be a footballer. 

Harry puts the stack on the coffee table, turning to face Briar. 

“Wow,” Harry says, wiping a tear from his eye.

“What’re you thinking?” 

“Just heartbroken all over again.” 

~

Harry went into his office to read the letter. He stops at his bar cart to pour himself some tequila.

It’s short, but gives Harry some closure. Over the last 8 years, Camille embraced motherhood by focusing less on work. She meditates, volunteers regularly, and is extremely involved at school activities.

She and Theo, their mutual friend from study abroad, have been together since she moved back. That sends a pang to Harry’s heart. They got married about 5 years ago, and have a little girl named Amélie. She only talks a little about Oliver, saying how much he reminds her of Harry. 

Camille apologizes, which Harry didn’t expect. She recognizes cutting him off from his son was wrong. She also left her contact information, followed by the last line. 

He would love to meet you. I think it’s time. 

C

Tears are fully falling on Harry’s cheeks as the heaviness of the last 8 years hits him. His son has Styles in his name. He smiles to himself, feeling the butterflies in his stomach. 

He shoves the letter in his desk drawer before wiping his eyes. He joins Briar and Gus back in the living room cozied up by the fire.

____________________________________________________________________

OHM YGOD. SOMEONE PLZ TALK TO ME AB BIRDIE AND HARRY I AM LIVINGGGGG

Taglist:

@daphnesutton​ @pandeebearstyles​ @anxiouswaterss​ @gem1712 @stylesfever​ @awesomenavy​ @crazygirlinthisworld​ @butdaddyilovehim-hs​ @luxiorchive​ @alchemxx @narry-heart 

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Ch 30

CHAPTER 30: Every Line in our Hands

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Notes: Maya makes a decision....

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M (sexual scenes/sexual assault in prior chapters)

Status: Complete

Note: I haven't given it one final read-through but I wanted to post it as soon as possible. I'll probably be doing edits late in the day today or throughout the week when I finally have time. Sorry!

Warnings: a LOT of feels, talk of therapy, talk of assault

**********

- Jimin's Apartment -

I needed a break from my phone. Since arriving in Seoul a few days ago, I had been having the worst of luck. Because I hadn’t planned to be back in the country for a few more weeks, it had been a hassle getting things settled with the banks. I was usually better prepared when I traveled, but all of this had been so last minute.

It sucked having to quarantine in a home that wasn’t mine. However, I was grateful to Jimin for lending me his house for the time being. My apartment wasn’t ready, so Jimin had been my only hope. He wasn’t scheduled to get back to town for a couple more weeks. I have no idea where I would be crashing after that, but that was something I could worry about later.

Right now, I only had the energy to stress about money. And food.

I had finished almost everything edible in Jimin’s kitchen. I was running out of resources and needed the damn banks to allow me access to my accounts. Of course, they wanted me to be there in person, but it was difficult to do so in the middle of a mandatory 10-day quarantine. After landing in Seoul, which by some miracle no one leaked to the media, I came straight to Jimin’s house, tested, and was told to stay until I was cleared.

Asking for favors was not easy for me and I had asked enough of Jimin already. Messaging him about needing him to use his own funds to get me food had been embarrassing. He said he would have things delivered to me by the morning. I would just have to hold tight for the night.

My stress was causing great strain and the only thing I could think to calm myself was to set my phone down and do something else. I read a book, listened to music, and finally decided to take a long bath. I had kept my phone away on purpose.

And that had been a bad idea.

Had I kept my phone next to me, I would have gotten a heads-up from Jimin.

But I hadn’t. And now I was staring at a perfectly chiseled Adonis, at a loss for words.

This had not been part of the plan.

His splendor made me stop in my tracks as I exited Jimin’s room after showering. My eyes took in his face. His leveled, smoothed nose, his heavy-lidded eyes, and round, luscious lips couldn’t look more perfect. His jaw was set, his eyes round in an almost-wondered look.

The sudden realization that I hadn’t seen him in a month was physically catching up to me. My legs wanted to run to him. My arms wanted to wrap themselves around his shoulders. My lips wanted to claim his. My soul had missed him, but so had my body. And it was needing to make contact. It was craving him.

“What are you doing here?” he suddenly asked, his eyes glaring at me now.

I had never seen his face switch so quickly. One moment he looked too stunned to speak and the next he was looking at me like some bug he wanted to squash.

But rather than react sadly to hearing his tone, my body seemed to melt. My ears had also missed the deep timbre of his voice. Even if it had some venom in it.

“You were just gonna come back to town and not even call?” Namjoon demanded. His words began to make snap me out of my hypnotism. “You’ve ignored all my messages, so it shouldn’t surprise me you want to physically avoid me.”

My brain caught up and my body finally caught up. My mouth opened to speak, but I was silenced before I could even start.

Namjoon continued with his anger. Continued voicing his hurt. “Do you have any idea how shitty that feels? I calledyou, messaged you. I fucking sounded like a goddamn dog begging for forgiveness. And you couldn’t even bother giving me a response? You contacted Jimin right away but not me? Am I unworthy?”

His thinking or saying that he was unworthy of anything ripped something inside. I finally spoke. “I wanted to wait until my quarantine was over. I’m stuck here for 10 days. If I were to have called you, I would have immediately wanted to see you—and I can’t. There’s a mandate.”

He shakes his head. His eyes are looking at me, but he doesn’t see me. It’s like he’s looking at a stranger who’s feeding him lies.

“Ask my Tia Jia,” I said desperately, needing him to believe me. “My quarantine is up in a few days. After, I was going to call you so we could meet.”

“She’ll lie for you,” he accused.

“Then ask Yoongi. I told him I was going to call you first thing after I got the green light.”

He snickered, the glare in his eyes still there. “Of course, you still communicate with Yoongi. You tell me him more than you tell me.”

He was so full of anger that he wasn’t seeing things clearly. He was putting up walls. It was a defense mechanism, I knew it. I needed to keep my calm, make him see. “No one knows me the way you know me, Namjoon,” I said gently, hoping he recognized this was true.

My calmness wasn’t having the effect I wanted to have on him. He didn’t want me calm. But he wanted me to meet his energy.

“Except those other guys who slid inside you like I did that night. They know you like I know you,” he said without thinking, going for the jugular. Needing me hurt the way he was hurting.

His eyes went wide with horror as soon as the words left his mouth. Instant regret.

But the words couldn’t be sucked back in. They were in the air, shooting straight at me like daggers. And they hurt me exactly the way he intended.

I took in a sharp breath, feeling the blades cut right through my skin and hit my chest.

I turned away, feeling the tears sting my eyes. My body reacted like it always did at being wounded, it recoiled. My feet took some towards Jimin’s room. I couldn’t lose it in front of him.

But he was faster. His body blocked me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I—I’m a fucking idiot.” His voice was strained. “Maya, I am so sorry. I don’t know why I said it. I was wrong.”

My feet moved back, keeping my body safe from his.

“I am so sorry. I’m a fucking prick.” He went down to his knees, his face twisted in remorse. He got on the ground, bowing down and pleading. “Please.”

Hot tears came streaming down as I spoke. “I wasn’t with you for the sex. No one knows me like you—emotionally. No one makes me feel the way you do. I felt safe around you, but then…when you said that—” A sob came out as I remembered.

Walking down the halls barefoot with only my skirt and top.

Tears had smeared off my makeup. I looked like a goddamn wreck. My shoes and undergarments had been left behind. Security both gawked at me and looked away in shame.

Humiliation of a slut.

“I’m sorry; I’m sorry,” he repeated, his head bowing as low as it could.

I took breaths to get ahold of myself. “This is why it’s difficult to let someone in. Because when I do, they have ammunition to use against me. They know what to say, what information to use to belittle me.” It felt so foreign to be this honest with him; it was uncomfortable. But I forced myself to feel the discomfort. “No one’s ever known me the way you have. Every time I’m with you, you reveal some knowledge you have of me that no one has ever noticed about it. It makes me feel so naked. I hated it.”

His head remained on the ground, his body slightly shaking from his own sobs.

Unlike seeing my mother in a state of disarray, I’m fully moved by seeing Namjoon like this. Seeing his regret made me want to immediately give in and forgive him.

But I shouldn’t. I needed to be smart about all of this. It was not ok what he had said to me. Both times.

“Why did you say it?” I demanded.

“I don’t know," he answered with his head still down.

No, I wasn't going to accept that. “You must know. As you said, it’s been a month. You’re telling me you haven’t thought about why you said it all this time?”

He calmed himself and then lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine. “It was out of anger.”

“You wanted to hurt me?”

“Yes.” He looked at me with pain in his eyes. “When I said it that night, it was because I thought I meant nothing to you. It made me angry and I wanted to hurt you. I remember what your exes used to say to you and it slipped. This time, the same thing happened. I felt you cared more for Yoongi and Jimin—feels like I’m not high on your list.”

To think he would stoop so low and try to damage me—on purpose—the same way my exes had ripped something in me. I never would have thought Namjoon to be someone so…normal. Such a human quality to be imperfect.

“I need to know," I forced myself to say. I didn't want to continue this talk. I was feeling so much, but I knew I had to continue. "You have to be honest. Do you have a problem with my sexual past?”

He shook his head, his face serious and steady. “No. You have a past and I would be foolish and selfish to not want you to have one. What I’ve always cared about is how you treat and see me. That's where all the anger came from, I swear.”

I understood. He had been an ass for saying it—twice—but anger was something I could easily understand.

He hung his head again and apologized once more. He was clearly remorseful.

However, I needed to set boundaries. I needed to stand up for myself. “When I open up to you, I expect you not to throw it back at me. It will only make me pull away from you.”

He sat back up and nodded. His face was flushed, tears still coming down. He apologized again.

“I appreciate the apology,” I said genuinely. I turned towards the couch. “Let’s sit down. You’re gonna hurt your knees.” I didn’t wait for his response and went towards the couch.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him get up and walk toward the empty chair. I wasn’t sure if it was because of his presence or due to feeling a sudden chill, but I shivered. Either reason was valid for my body reacting that way. I looked around for the hoodie I had been using in quarantine. I found it on the chair that Namjoon was starting to descend on. Before I could ask if he could hand it over, I noticed something about it.

It was his.

Of course, I knew it was his hoodie I had been wearing. He had left it in LA and I had used it several times since our breakup. However, wearing it in front of him wasn't appropriate.

I tried not to disguise the fact that I was looking for something, pretending it was the blanket on the couch I had been looking for. However, it was no use. He had noticed. His eyes went to the hoodie behind him and a slightly embarrassed look spread across his face.

However, even though he looked awkward, he still reached for it. “You can—”

Grabbing the blanket, I made sure to be extra noise in wrapping it around me, draining out his words. Thankfully, he was quick to catch onto what I was doing and shut up.

As I turned to him, I noticed we were a little too close. And even though my body wanted to get closer to him than I already was, my brain reminded me of the mandate. I was already breaking so many laws with Namjoon being here, I at least wanted to make sure we followed the six feet rule.

After a few moments of silence, Namjoon opened his mouth, ready to start the talk but I cut him off. “Let me start.”

He nodded and kept silent.

Meeting his eyes, I said some words I wanted to say that night. “I need to apologize as well.”

His eyes stayed on me and said nothing.

I took a breath and started what I had set out to do after walking out of Sihyuk’s house about a week ago. “You told me multiple times what you wanted from the relationship—you were very clear. You wanted transparency and I didn’t give you that. I was wrong for how I behaved. For keeping our relationship a secret from my family. I recognize I was dismissive of your emotions. I am very sorry for that.”

He nodded, accepting my apology, but he needed more words from me. “Why did you want to keep me a secret from them? It felt like I was this dirty little secret. I’ll be honest, these last few weeks, the thought that you might have someone on the side came to mind.”

I shook my head, appalled. “I never—”

“I know,” he cut me off. “You would never do something like that. It was a thought that came to mind several times. I want to be fully honest about it. My head went into some pretty dark places these last few weeks. My opinion of you wasn’t very good.”

Guilt stabbed at my chest. I knew he was being with these words. “I’m sorry.”

“Can I know why you refused to tell your family?” He did his best not to sound hurt.

But I knew Namjoon well enough to hear it. “I genuinely thought that not telling my brothers had been an oversight, but after talking to Dr. Rob, I see things differently now.”

He looked a bit shocked. “You’re seeing your therapist again?”

I nodded. “After that night, I kind of had a breakdown. Similar to years ago when I was in the middle of an anxiety attack. After a few days, I knew I needed help. Dr. Rob has been helping me figure some things out—find out why I’ve had this wall up with you.” Using the blanket as a guard, I tugged it tighter around my body as I felt my anxiety start spiking. “I learned that me keeping you at a distance stems from childhood trauma.”

I went on to explain what I had discovered with Dr. Rob. I went into a little more detail about what I witnessed as a kid with my parents. Made the connection that the toxic relationship I grew up watching damaged my trust in a partner. Boyfriends, to me, were a tainted category.

“I didn’t tell my parents about us at first because I don’t have a close relationship with them. I might talk to them on a weekly basis, but it’s always short and I never share anything meaningful. Plus, I’m sure my mother’s ability to taint anything I care about had something to do with it. Not telling her kept you safe for me. I can easily see her make a comment about how wrong I am for you. She did it several times with Jerry. I didn’t want her doing that with you.”

Namjoon’s face was calm, but his eyes were very loud about how he felt about hearing this.

“And I think there are a few reasons why I didn’t tell my brothers. One of them was because it would make us more real. Which increased the possibility of you leaving. And that scared me.” The abandonment issues I didn’t know I had started to resurface. Now that I could identify the feeling, I took notice of it quickly. “The only guys who stuck around were the bad ones.”

“Jerry was willing to stick around,” he pointed out immediately. “And he was great.”

“But he didn’t really know me. I kept a lot of things from him. And the things I did tell him, he dismissed,” I countered back.

“But I do and I want to be with you,” he said without hesitation.

My heart ached for multiple reasons. “Which makes you more dangerous. It’s a double-edged sword.”

“I know I fucked up. And I am more than willing to ask for forgiveness every day—”

I cut him off. “No. I know you regret it and know you mean your apology. I forgive you. I don’t want it to become something that hangs over us. I’m still hurt by it, but it won’t last.”

He gave a slight nod. After a quiet moment, he spoke up. “I really don’t want to push you away. But I want to be let in. And I want to know that you’ll allow me in.”

I held onto his eyes, noticing how pleading they looked. I had to be honest. I couldn’t sugarcoat this. “It’s gonna be tough for me. Letting someone in is not easy. The last people I let in and depended on ended up fucking me up. I put a wall up for survival and it’s been hard bringing it down. I’ve always been aware of the wall’s presence and I’ve never minded it. But with you, I mind. I don’t want to keep you out. Even if my fight or flight instincts are screaming at me.”

He looked away, seeming to think about something.

It was a look I had seen far too often, especially more toward the end of our relationship. He was holding back. And like always, I wanted to know what was on his mind. “What? Tell me.” I braced myself for whatever he was about to say.

He didn’t meet my eyes but answered my question. “When we fought that one night—not the very last one, but the one when you almost left in the middle of the night…?”

“Yeah…?”

“You were reliving something….”

I thought back, trying to recall that night.

“Your anxiety kicked in…”

I remembered. “Mm-hmmm.”

“What was it?” There was a slight look of reluctance like he was afraid to ask. Afraid of my reaction. Afraid I might not answer.

I had told him I wanted to let him in, now I had to prove it. “A fight between my parents.”

His facial features relaxed a bit. “What was it about what I did that triggered the memory?”

The image of his fiery brown eyes crossed my mind. Eyes that were always so warm when I looked into them had been icy that night. “Your anger. You’ve gotten mad at me before, but that look…that was real anger towards me.” My eyes stayed on his as I told him what I discovered with Dr. Rob. “I know you’re nothing like my parents. But that night emotions were already escalating. My feelings for you were getting more intense. Internally, I was fighting with my defenses. I wanted to let you in and I also wanted to keep you away. Sadly, the wall won that night. The image of my parents fighting pushed me to keep it up. Not to mention that I’ve had prior relationships that around the four-month period, their demeanor changed. The thought did cross my mind that you were going to turn into one of them.”

He thought for a long moment, considering my words. He looked down at his feet, which were joined. He moved his feet a bit, thinking.

“What?” I asked, knowing he was hesitating in asking something serious.

He didn’t meet my eyes but did speak up. “I thought you might have been reliving something else that night.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Something you haven’t been able to tell me. Something you’re keeping secret.” The cocoa browns that pulled so many feelings out of me came up. “There’s something I want to know. I’ve been holding back in asking because I’ve never wanted to push you to tell me anything you’re not ready to. But it’s gotten to the point where I keep imagining the absolute worst.” A stream of tears began to come down as he braved himself. “What happened to you that caused the anxiety attack years ago?”

Another difficult hurdle had come. Tears were also coming out of me and I took a few breaths to get myself under control. “I want to share everything with you, Namjoon. But some things are difficult to talk about. Some things that,” flashes of the scariest moments of my life came to the forefront, threatening to suck me in. The bulwark I had built since childhood stood tall and strong, though, keeping the old memories at a distance. That fucking wall was my protector just as much as it was my poison. “I don’t want to ever relive,” I finished as I caught on to my words again. “There are some things I suppressed and can’t remember. There are other memories I wish I could forget.”

He cut me off, a look full of concern as he witnessed my state. “I don’t want you to relive something that is going to do more damage. I don’t want you to have to dig in too deep that you get lost.” The tears coming down from him were probably thicker than mine. “I just wanted to help you. It seemed like there was something you were going through and I wanted to comfort you. Especially since you weren’t seeing your therapist anymore.”

I nodded, agreeing with him wholeheartedly. “I shouldn’t have stopped therapy. I should have continued it. I thought I had a handle on things, but I didn’t.” I took a breath and finally said the words I had practiced so much with Dr. Rob. “I wasn’t prepared before in letting a significant other in. But I want to. I want to let you in. And I promise that I am working on it and will continue to work on it. I will tell you in more detail about what happened, but I won’t tell you everything this time.”

He waited patiently. “Whatever you want to tell me. And whatever you don’t or can’t, that’s ok with me, too. As long as you’re getting help is what matters.”

******Tugging the blanket around me, I finally told him. “Around the time my contract was about to expire, I was to have a meeting with some executives and Ky was supposed to be there. However, things happened and Ky couldn’t be there and neither could some of the executives. Only one of them met with me. The meeting started ok, but somehow it turned into a nightmare. The executive made comments that hinted at me doing him sexual favors in exchange for a better contract. It was surreal at first; I thought it was some joke. But then he walked over to me. He got too close. I froze. I felt my shirt come undone.”*******

I took the chance of stealing a look at Namjoon, wondering how he was taking this.

His face was expressionless. He kept his eyes on me with no hint of anger or pain. I let out a breath, relieved. It was something I feared a little. Namjoon had always been one to control his emotions, always relying on his head. But there was always the possibility of his emotions getting the best of him. I knew if he did lose control, I would focus on him rather than myself.

I was about to continue but then I noticed his fists. They were clenched. His arms tightened. He was angry, I could feel it now.

I instantly began to worry about him.

“What then, babe?” Namjoon said, pulling my focus away. “Don’t focus on me. Go on.” He had caught my stare.

I took a breath and continued to speak about my assault. I didn’t give him too many details, still not feeling ready to tell him everything. He sat still and listened. I told him about my talk with my mother and when I got a bit emotional, he made a move to move toward me.

With a shake of the head, I pleaded him to stay where he was. “If you hug me, I’ll come apart. And I want to get through this.”

He respected this and stayed in his seat. However, he did lean forward, looking ready to rush to my side as soon as I gave him the go-ahead.

A good while later, I was certain I had shared as much as I could about my trauma. I shed many tears, but I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would.

Looking out the window, I could only imagine what time it was. It was pitch black. This had taken a lot longer than I thought.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I bet it wasn’t easy,” he said genuinely, a look of complete care on his face.

“Thank you for listening,” I responded.

“I like listening to you.” His words moved something in me.

Having just shared so much with him, I felt a shift between us. I felt a shift in myself. The fact that he had sat there for hours listening to me and respecting my boundaries moved something in me. Suddenly, I had the urge to tell him everything; tell him exactly what I thought of him but had been too afraid to share in the past.

“There's more I need to tell you," I said, building up even more courage.

I was certain he could tell I was getting nervous. He offered me one of my favorite smiles. "I'm all ears."

I took a deep breath and began to let my heart pour out. "You are, without a doubt, the best human I know. You’re kind, gentle, resilient, positive, and empathetic. You deserve the goddamn world.” Talking about my admiration for him was making me quite emotional. So emotional that I started to cry. What I felt for Namjoon was not something that I had ever allowed myself to feel. Dr. Rob said that it would take some time to talk openly about this positive emotion without my body physically responding this way.

I was quick to notice how Namjoon shook his head, disagreeing with my view of him.

But I needed him to know how I saw him. “Despite the negativity thrown at you, you keep your composure. You stay collected when it matters most. It’s one of the many reasons why I fell for you.” Looking into his beautiful features, I continued my praises. “And there are so many qualities that made me fall for you—many physical. Like your pout. The pout you make when you mutter to yourself. And how you look when you come out of the shower in all your gloriousperfection.” He blushed wildly at this. But I wasn’t done. “When you chow down your third bowl of noodles, your Adam’s apple bobs in this very sexy way. And my favorite thing about you is how you make me feel happy.” A burst of crazed laughter came out of me, thinking of all the little moments with Namjoon. The last few weeks we had been together, this was one of the emotions I had felt and tried to block: happiness. It was so foreign to me, so I had naturally recoiled from it. However, in the month away from him, I came to find that not feeling happiness was a feeling I did not want.

He took a breath, wiped some tears, and looked directly at me. He opened his mouth, ready to say something.

But I wasn’t done. There was one last thing I needed to tell him. The most important thing I knew I would ever say. “I love you, Kim Namjoon.”

It felt like a breath of fresh air saying it. While it was difficult getting to this point, letting out the words felt good. Felt so right.

My eyes did not sway from his cocoa browns. His body relaxed—he looked relieved.

I was bathing in the happiness of finally saying the words to him but then noticed him getting to his feet. I acted instinctively and got up, wanting to get close to him. However, I remembered I was under quarantine. If I had the virus, he might get sick again. It would mess up his entire schedule. I backed away as he made a reach for him. “Six feet,” I reminded him.

He followed me, a determined look in his eyes. “Fuck the six feet.” He reached out, catching my upper arm and keeping me in place.

“Namjoon—” The air got caught in my lungs as his touch sent thrills throughout my skin. Every cell sang in joy. However, my brain demanded I take back control. I tried to pull away.

His bold and gentle hands came to my face, keeping me. His mystic eyes held my gaze.

My brain and body became mush at that point, giving up the battle. I sighed into his touch.

“Say it again,” his honeyed voice said above a whisper.

I don’t think I could ever deny him anything. “I love you, Kim Namjoon.” My heart fluttered at hearing myself say it.

I was entrusting him with my heart. And as I felt him around me, I was positive he would protect it and me at all costs.

He let out a kind of laugh I had never heard him make. It was high and kind of panty. He sounded a bit delirious. I saw the smile I had been missing for over a month. His eyes squinted as his smile widened. His nose scrunched up a bit, changing the freckled constellations on his beautiful canvas. How had I lasted so long without seeing this expression every day?

“I really missed these,” I said, my fingers reaching up and tracing the cluster of marks around his eyes and nose.

His hands moved down to my middle and tightened around me. His face came down to my neck, his nose hitting the spot between my ear and neck. He took a deep inhale. “I missed you.”

I turned my head towards his own neck, wanting to smell him back. My nose grazed his skin and I breathed in his woodsy scent.

We stayed like that for a long time, until he finally pulled up. His arms stayed around me. “I found out how I felt about you while I was with my last girlfriend,” he said, almost out of nowhere.

My state of happiness made my mind not work fast enough. “Huh?”

He went out to further explain. “I broke up with my ex a year ago because I was falling for you. By the time we were in the backhouse in the soop, I was a goner. I knew that week.” His eyes stayed on me, one of his palms back to stroking my face. “I love you, Mayahuel.”

I never thought my heart would feel ready to combust. Every fiber of my body tingled as small amounts of electricity danced inside my cells. Tears of happiness erupted once again.

More happy pecks were shared.

It started light, but I quickly felt the heat start kicking in. Not wanting Jimin’s house to be the next place we consummated our new relationship, I decided to kid around with him. “Just don’t forget I’m the one who said it first.”

He let out a light laugh. “You might have said it first, but I definitely felt it first. I let you say it first, know that,” he said teasingly, biting my lower lip.

I gave him a light smack. “You really don’t want to turn this into a competition,” I warned. “I probably fell in love with you years ago, I just was suppressing it.”

“You said it was only a crush!”

I shrugged my shoulders. “That’s not the story I’ll be telling everyone,” I said, giving him a playful smile.

“You better play nice or I won’t feed you tomorrow,” he warned. “I know you’re running out of food. I’ll let you starve,” he joked with a flirtatious smile.

Giving him another smack, I let out a pout. “Be nice to me. All I’ve had today has been ramen which was probably five years old. I found it way in the back of some dirty cupboard.”

With that, Namjoon immediately pulled out his phone and ordered multiple dishes from one of my favorite places. He went on to order me groceries that would probably last me a week. He ignored the dozen times I told him he was going overboard.

I openly rolled my eyes at him.

He didn’t answer me; his eyes looking at my arms. We were both now on the couch, waiting on the food. His body and the blanket were providing a nice warmth, but it wasn’t enough for my body. “How are you still cold?” He reached over to grab the hoodie on the chair.

However, I stopped him. “Can I have the one you have on instead?”

“Why?” he asked with a frown, but I didn’t miss how he started to take off his hoodie.

“The other one has lost your smell,” I said honestly. “Plus, this one is already warm.”

He let out a chuckle, the hoodie now off him. He handed it to me gently.

As I put it on, I took in his body. I hadn’t noticed before because Namjoon tended to wear baggy clothes. He rarely put on clothes that rightly fit his frame. But now, without the sweater, I saw how much weight he had lost.

“Namjoon,” I said, concerned.

“What?” he asked, confused by my reaction.

“You look…different.” I wanted to say scrawny, but that wasn’t a nice word to use.

He waved his hand, dismissing it. “It’s not just because of what happened. I was traveling, remember? No time for the gym. Then I ended up being stuck indoors for close to three weeks. I got an appointment to meet with my trainer in a few days.”

I gave a nod, but still couldn’t help but feel guilty for my part in his state.

Namjoon was quick to catch on to my emotions. “Hey,” he said, tipping my chin up to meet his gaze. “No guilt, ok? It was a bad time, but we’re not going back there. We’re looking ahead.”

The next nod I gave was a little more confident.

Then, a chime came on, signaling our delivery had arrived. After retrieving the bags of food, we sat on the floor to eat. I probably shouldn’t be eating this late, but I was starving.

“What are your plans after coming out of quarantine? Can your apartment be ready by the time Jimin gets back?” Namjoon asked as he fed me some of his noodles.

I took them, hungrily. “I’m hoping so. I really hate apartment shopping.”

“Stay with me until it’s ready,” Namjoon immediately offered.

“Are we ready for that?” I asked him honestly.

He thought for a moment. “I want to be, but maybe we aren’t?”

“If you have to ask, then we aren’t. I don’t want to take a step we’re unsure of.”

He nodded and took a big bite from his noodles.

“Where do you want from us?” I asked. “I know you’ve always wanted to share your thoughts but held back. I don’t want to keep you from voicing what you want to say.”

He thought for a moment. “I want a nice dinner with you and my parents. I want to properly introduce you. I’d like to see if it’s at all possible to meet with your aunt Jia and Uncle John, formally. You consider them more like your parents.”

I smiled, thinking his wants were easy to meet. “My aunt and uncle will be here in a few weeks, so that’s easy to make happen.”

He frowned. “They’re coming? What for? Just for a visit?”

“Well, Sihyuk actually invited them. They’ll be visiting for about two weeks.”

“Why does Sihyuk want to meet with them?”

I then told him.

*********

~NAMJOON~

Weeks later….

There was only reason Namjoon had gone to HYBE on his day off was for moral support. Today was the day. And he was positive Maya’s anxiety would be spiking. He had seen her over his place earlier and her nerves were already jittery.

The elevator doors opened to his designated floor. He walked out and headed to the lobby, seeing one man and two women speaking to each other. The man and the older woman were sitting on the couch as the younger woman paced in front of them.

Yeah, her anxiety was spiking, Namjoon thought as he quickened his pace.

They were in such heavy discussion; he was positive they hadn’t heard him.

The couple was the first to notice him. He gave them a smile and polite bow.

Maya’s aunt and uncle got to their feet and greeted Namjoon back.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed Maya had stopped pacing and making her way to him. “What are you doing here?” she asked him. She was trying to hide the feeling of relief.

If her aunt and uncle hadn’t been present, he would have wrapped her in his arms to calm her. However, he had been raised to be a proper, Korean man and kept a proper distance. He got as close as he felt was respectful. “I told you I would meet you here,” he reminded her.

“Yeah, but I thought you meant it would be after the meeting.” He noticed how her legs leaned towards him, but she also kept her distance. She knew him well to know what he was comfortable with when it came to PDA. They had met with her aunt and uncle a few times for her to know.

“I wanted to be here to escort you if you wanted. And to answer any last-minute questions.”

“So, it really is going to be just the three of us and him? No other executives? No lawyers?” Asked Jia, still looking like she didn’t believe what had been said to her several times.

Namjoon smiled and nodded. “Sihyuknim cares and respects his artists. Having a meeting with the artist and their parents is something very important to him. He wants the parents to know he’s taking good care of their child. That he is willing to treat the artist like extended family. He did the same with us. It was just us, our parents—no lawyers—and we signed the contracts. It’s the reason why Big Hit is so small. He wants it to be a family business.”

John’s chest puffed a bit like he loved the idea that he was considered to be Maya’s parent. Jia’s smile spread wide, clearly feeling the same. There were even some tears in her eyes.

Jia seemed to shake herself out of it. “Namjoonah, is there a particular wine your parents really like? Mayita says they like wine but is unsure which is their favorite,” Jia said.

“I’ll message you an image of it,” Namjoon promised.

Maya’s aunt and uncle were going to meet Namjoon’s parents tonight. It had been Namjoon’s mother who had invited Maya’s family over.

Maya had been over for dinner at his parents' every weekend. Namjoon also had a feeling Eomuni would be inviting them to the house for Seollol.

“We would appreciate that, thank you,” responded Jia.

“How have you guys been sleeping?” Namjoon asked, curious. He remembered John mentioning the other day how the time difference was affecting his sleep.

“Better last night,” John said.

They were staying in Maya’s new apartment. Her old apartment was having too many issues with the renovations and wasn’t going to be ready for the initial date they had given Maya. The landlord let Maya out of her lease early, so she was able to look for another apartment.

While it had caused a lot of stress for Maya for a couple of weeks, something good came out of it. She had found an apartment in Namjoon’s community, so she was now a lot closer. They wouldn’t need to use so many drivers now since they were only walking distance from one another.

But even though they saw each other every day, they didn’t sleep in each other’s place. This time, Namjoon wanted to make sure their emotions were stable before they took that next step. Like before, Maya assured Namjoon that once he was ready then she would be, too. And it’s not like he didn’t want to sleep with her, because goddammit he did.

However, he was really enjoying the stage they were in. During the few weeks they had gotten back together, Maya had done such a turn-around. She was emotionally open and communicated very well with Namjoon. Gone were the days that she kept things to herself. The only time she did this was when she wasn’t sure what she was going through. And she told Namjoon so. When she got confused about something, rather than closing up, she let Namjoon know she needed time to decipher what she was feeling or thinking. This change in her made Namjoon fall deeper in love with her. He hadn’t thought it was possible, but it was the truth.

And the more he fell in love with her, the more he was drawn to her physically. It was getting harder to keep his hands off her. He was ready to make that next step with her. And he had a feeling it might be tonight. There were just a few things he needed to take care of.

“Should we start heading up?” asked John as he looked down at his watch.

We all turned to Maya.

She nodded, looking at little nervous.

Jia reached over and squeezed her arm before taking her husband’s hand. “Let’s go.”

John made a motion for Maya to lead the way.

As Maya walked, she took hold of Namjoon’s arm.

Together, they all walked towards the elevator. Plenty of eyes turned towards the four of them, their gaze lingering on Maya’s arm linked through Namjoon’s. He was sure Maya noticed the stares as well.

She didn’t seem bothered by them, though. She kept her head high in confidence.

Namjoon felt his heart swell and witnessed Maya feeling indifferent to the staff learning about her possibly romantic relationship with Bagntan’s leader, RM.

Yeah, he was definitely taking her to bed tonight.

**************

MASTERLIST

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 Sequel (Book II)

***********************

AN: This concludes the story I planned for Maya and Namjoon! Thank you everyone for coming along on this journey! I adored writing these two.

However, I do have some news—good or bad, I don't know. This story will be continuing. I haven’t been able to get rid of these two from my head. Mostly it’s because RM smutty songs keep inspiring me. The first chapter of their new story is up and linked here.

I have the story (mostly) mapped out. It won’t be a story as long as this one ( I hope). It will work mostly as a journey of the two learning how to navigate through a mature, adult relationship. I intend to have an equal amount of fluff and smut in every chapter. It will work more like chapters of drabbles than one, big story.

Similarly to ITMOTN, though, I’ll want a big chunk of the story written before I start posting.

[sunwoo-hoo]

↣ school blues

↳ a/n: here it is anon! i hope you don’t mind i altered the request a little bit. this was seriously one of my favorite requests to write so far so i genuinely hope you like it just as much as i do! 

↳ requested? yes

↳ genre: fluffyyy + hint of humour 

↳ send me a request here! 

↳ word count: 1.6k

↳ summary: haruto x female reader (best friends) highschool au where you both are oblivious to each other’s feelings until a friend points it out. 

「 7:00 AM 」 You jolted awake hearing the annoying sound of the alarm clock. You couldn’t believe it, summer was officially over and it was time to go back to school. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Sure, you hated waking up really early in the mornings, and sometimes even skipping breakfast just so you could have those extra 10 minutes of sleep. But you realized it was all worth it when you got to see him. Watanabe Haruto your best friend for nearly 6 years. Was today finally the day you would tell him how you feel? No, you couldn’t. You didn’t want to destroy any possibility of ruining your friendship. He was everything you could ever want in a best friend, loyal, funny, always looking out for you. 

Could you really risk it? 

You sighed looking at your alarm clock when you realized you were staring at your ceiling for nearly 5 minutes. You reluctantly got out of bed getting ready to start your day. Once you showered, brushed your hair and teeth you decided to put on subtle makeup. I wonder if he’ll notice. Once you finished your morning routine you quickly gave yourself a once over in the mirror before leaving walking to Haruto’s house. 

You had to admit, even though school was back in session you couldn’t deny how autumn was one of your favorite seasons. The crispiness in the air, how the leaves felt under your feet walking. It wasn’t too hot or too cold, it was perfect.

Finally reaching Haruto’s house you gently knocked on the door when his mother answered. 

“Oh! [name] don’t you look nice” she said smiling warmly at you. “Haruto should be down any moment, I almost had to drop a bucket of water on him this morning because he didn’t want to wake up” she blurted laughing. Joining in with her laughter you couldn’t help but think of being in that same situation when you woke up. 

When he finally came down the stairs you couldn’t help but stare at him. You were in shock on just how much he changed over the summer growing in at least 6 inches in height, nearly towering over you. His black hair was the perfect length resting against his forehead. His skin a milky white with no flaws what so ever. His lips which were not to big and not too small. The healthiest shade of pink. He was perfect.

“Earth to [name]! C’mon we’re gonna be late” he chuckled waving his hand in front of your face. You blinked losing your train of thought. 

“Oh r-right” you mumbled

He grabbed your hand without a second thought pulling you out the front door as you faintly heard his mother shouting “Have a great day!” 

You finally made it to school when you both saw your mutual friend Park Jeongwoo who you met through Haruto.

He was just as handsome with his tanned skin and charming smile but he was always like a brother to you. 

“It’s about time you two made it, class nearly starts in 15 minutes”  said Jeongwoo.

“We would’ve been here earlier but [name] was day dreaming again” Haruto smirked

You nudged him with your elbow “I was not!” you nearly shouted. He raised his hands up in defeat “Sure... whatever you say” he replied sarcastically pushing your buttons. You were about to retort with a snide comment back when Jeongwoo interrupted you both.

“I swear you two are like an old married couple” you glared while Haruto simply shrugged his shoulders. 

You then heard the warning bell letting you know that you had to be in your first class in 5 minutes. You quickly said your goodbyes to Haruto since you and Jeongwoo had your first class together. 

Once Haruto was out of sight and ear shot you pinched Jeongwoo “Ah-Hey! What was that for?” he grumbled rubbing the spot where you pinched.

“Why would you say that in front of him?” you hissed. Realizing what you meant Jeongwoo replied “[name..] it’s been nearly 6 years you have to tell him how you feel before someone else’s does” he reasoned.

You sighed looking down at the ground “I just can’t okay? I don’t want to ruin what we have”. 

His eyes soften at you, he was in a tough spot. You and Haruto were his best friends, you two just needed that little nudge. He smirked at himself when he realized what he needed to do. 

You panicked when you heard the bell, you were officially late to class now. You quickly grabbed Jeongwoo sleeve and made a run for it. 

「 11:30 AM 」 Your morning classes were one big blur, but you smiled when you heard the bell ring indicating that it was lunch time. You quickly went to your locker to exchange your books for your next classes before heading to lunch. Doing it early so that you didn’t have to run straight after eating. Opening your locker your eyes nearly missed the piece of paper that fell out onto the ground. You were confused but picked it up anyway opening it. 

「 Dear, [name] meet me by the courtyard after school by 4:00 there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. 」  

Could it be? Was it really Haruto? There’s no way, did he know your feelings? But how did he find out? your mind was going a mile a minute until (speak of the devil) you heard Haruto interrupting your thoughts. 

“[Name!!] this is the second time today I’ve had to bring you back to reality. Do I need to take you to the nurse?” he teased 

You quickly crumpled the piece of paper in your locker before closing it shut. You rolled your eyes playfully “No, I’m just thinking about what I want for lunch” you replied.

He smirked “Me too, I’m starving let’s go. Jeongwoo already got us a table”. 

What was suppose to be an easy going lunch with your two best friends your mind could only think of the note you received in your locker. Your body becoming extremely anxious. You were hungry before but now food was the last thing on your mind. 

Haruto definitely took notice because once lunch was over he handed you a ziploc bag of fruit saying “You didn’t eat anything the whole lunch period. Are you sure your okay [name]?” he asked genuinely worried about you.    

You gave him a faint smile “I promise I’m okay, it’s just first day jitters” you lied. 

Haruto didn’t believe you in the slightest but he knew whatever it was you would tell him when you were ready. He gently moved a strand of hair that had gotten loose during the hectic day behind your ear before replying “If you say so [name] just promise me you’ll eat some fruit in your next class okay?” he pleaded 

You looked up at him and smiled brightly “Of course”

“Good, c’mon I’ll walk you to your next class”. 

「 4:00 PM 」 You couldn’t believe it you made it through the end of the first day back to school. You wanted to jump in excitement but it also meant you were finally going to face your secret admirer. What if it wasn’t even Haruto? That would’ve been the worst case scenario. Should you even go? No, enough was enough. You decided to face your feelings if it was Haruto or not.  

You waited until most of the students cleared out for the day before heading to the courtyard. You sat by a nearby bench waiting  apprehensively. Your heart started to race, your palms were starting to become sweaty and that’s when you heard him.

“[name?]” you turned your head and saw him. It was Haruto. You smiled “So it was you?” you wondered.

He looked at you confusedly “What do you mean? I got a letter saying that a girl liked me but I thought it was joke” 

Your then felt your heart sank, but none of it made sense. You got the same letter but the context was entirely different. 

You got up and walked towards him, it was now or never. No backing out now. 

“Haruto... I do like you, hell, I love you. Ever since we met I knew you were the one for me. You’re my best friend, my partner in crime. You’re who I think of the minute I wake up and my last thought before I go to bed. I-I..” you rambled 

He smirked grabbing your hand pulling you close, your mind couldn’t even comprehend when he leaned down and crashed his lips onto yours. It was everything you thought your first kiss would be. Sweet, passionate, comfortable. Usually first kisses were horrible and awkward but with Haruto everything felt right. He brought his free hand up to your neck deepening the kiss. 

When you finally broke apart you looked up at him. 

“I’ve always loved you too [name]... I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I didn’t think you felt the same way” he revealed.

Hearing those words your body finally felt relaxed you softly laughed at him. He smiled in return.

He was about to give you another kiss until you both heard the sound of clapping coming from the trees.

You both whipped your head and saw none other than Jeongwoo walking towards you and Haruto. That’s when you realized it, hitting you like a bolt of lightning it was Jeongwoo. 

“IT WAS YOU?!” you screamed at Jeongwoo 

He laughed and responded “Of course it was me [name] you both are so oblivious. Aren’t you glad I gave you both the push you needed?”

You only glared at him while Haruto playfully shoved Jeongwoo. 

Next thing you knew all three of you started to laugh, Haruto pulling you in close once more.

You couldn’t believe how from one school day you got everything you had always hoped for. Looking at both your best friends you thought to yourself. 

This was going to be your best year yet.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* © sunwoo-hoo 2 0 2 1  ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[pianorexic000]

Sweetspo Saturday

Hi y’all, so today is sweetspo Saturday.......

it speaks for itself. By the way, none of these are mine. I take no credit I have 0 creativity.

I dream of collarbones and thigh gaps, of hips jutting out and ribs just visible, casting shadows on porcelain flesh. I dream of crop tops and denim shorts, of thigh highs and sugar highs. And when I lay in bed at night, counting the calories of the day before my mind can’t help but wander, and I press into my doughy stomach, feel the hips hiding underneath, and remind myself how far I’ve come, and how far I still have to go.

Please listen, I know, I know it’s hard but listen, focus, you, you the most beautiful person on this whole entire planet you are going to make it, I promise you sweetheart, you’re going to make it. Think about it, think about how skinny you’ll be, how happy you will be, how you are going to be able to wear what you want, how you are going to be able to eat what you want and no one is going to make you feel bad for eating, no one. They’re going to be jealous, so fucking jealous, jealous of how you look and how you feel. They’re going to envy you. So stand up, keep your pretty head up and go. Exercise, drink water, eat less, eat healthy, sleep, do yoga, dance around. Get skinny and be finally happy. Please be finally happy.

You’ve been so disappointed in yourself lately. You’ve cursed those girls with a fast metabolism and regretted so much, sweetie. Countless of times you’ve thought, planned and wished to be skinny. I know you want this so badly, honey. But it’s never going to be given to you, sugar. You have to work for it and make yourself proud! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

I know you’re very impatient with your weight-loss. You want to lose it NOW and would do anything to wake up tomorrow at you ugw. But that’s never going to happen, doll. It’ll take time, but you will get there, sweetie. You just have to be persistent and never give up. The road is very long, and there will be days where it’ll feel hopeless, angel. But i promise you that those days where you feel incredibly sexy and comfortable in your own skin are just around the corner. You’ll get there baby, but it’ll take time. So don’t beat yourself up.

You’ll look good in everything; you remember that bikini with the cute print? yes, you’ll look beautiful in it. you won’t look like a fat pig.

people will be jealous; they’ll envy you. you’ll become thinner while others are getting fatter.

you’ll be dainty; you’ll be the lightest in the room. everyone will be able to pick you up effortlessly.

others will compliment you; people will look at you and say “wow, have you lost weight?” “you look great!” “i wish i looked like you.”

you won’t be able to keep more than a cup of food down; you’ve trained your body, you and your body both know its limits.

you’ll have power; you can can control how you look, you’ll have control. self control instead of eating everything in sight. you’ll be proud when you refuse a chocolate bar someone is offering.

are you going to keep saying “i’ll do it tomorrow”

or are you going to start today?

you’ll get there sweetie, make them regret the day they dare call you fat; they’ll start talking GOOD behind your back; “she is losing so much weight omg” “ i wanna look like her.” “im so jealous of her tiny waist.”

make it happen, you cause the gain of weight

and the loss of weight.

It's Okay!

You were really bad this weekend weren’t you? You ate fatty food and cheated on your diet? I know you bash yourself for pushing yourself further from your goal, but it was just Easter and you were enjoying spending time with your family. Unfortunately that included eating. Thin is all you think about cutie, why would you stuff your face uncontrollably like that, sugar? You can’t stop now, i know it’s hard but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Meanspo

Dear You,

You’ve grown up being the “big” girl. You’ve grown up being the “I want seconds” girl. You entered college being the “let’s eat out because it’s easier” girl.

When will you be the “I eat healthy” girl? The “people can pick me up” girl? The “I love my body” girl?

Today? Oh, right, you say tomorrow. Funny, that’s what you said yesterday.

It’s YOUR fault you’re fat. You don’t control your fatty urges to binge and stuff your face. One day, you’ll regret that. And that day is TODAY. If you regret it, then make a change. Skip that meal. Eat less calories. Exercise and burn what you have consumed and stored from your past pathetic eating habits. Get rid of your fatty urges. BECOME SKINNY…Become beautiful. Because if you don’t start today, you’ll only hate yourself tomorrow… again.

Do it. Do it so you can wear cute short shorts without everyone looking at your thighs and being disgusted.

Do it for that bitch who always called you fat at middle school.

Do it for that fuckboy who never looked at you as girlfriend potencial.

Do it so you can be confident.No seriously you’ll never be confident with that big tummy dude.

Do it so you don't ALMOST DIE in fitting rooms.

Do it for the cute clothes.

Do it for the summer.

Do it for the pool parties and how all of your friends will be SHOOK at your perfect body.

Do it for that life little baby. You deserve it. You deserve so much happiness.

Imagine you’re sitting at your desk in your perfectly decorated bedroom. You’re doing school work (all A’s of course), and since the lighting is good, you stop studying for a second and take a selfie.

You notice your collarbones are perfectly peaking out, and your chest bones are slightly visible. You have no makeup on but you still look absolutely gorgeous. Your flawless skin (that you got from not eating junk food all the time) looks great on your camera. Your thin arms look especially toned in this picture, and your smile is unforgettable.

You decide to post it to Instagram, and it instantly gets likes and comments saying how gorgeous you look. You want to keep studying…but the amount of likes and attention is distracting!

You think to yourself “Amazing how my life has changed. 30lbs ago I barely got 30 likes. My grades were bad and I had horrible acne…it’s so great what being thin can do to a person”

One day I won’t have to suck in

One day I’ll sit down and not have belly rolls

One day my thighs won’t touch

One day I’ll be able to see my ribs

One day I’ll step on the scale and smile

One day I’ll be able to smile at my protruding collar bones

One day I’ll wear the clothes I want

One day I’ll be confident

One day I’ll be skinny

do it for the boy who leaves your snapchats at read. imagine how quickly he’ll reply when he sees how good you look in your new body. do it for the girls you envy, the girls who show up in crop tops and short shorts whilst you hide behind a baggy sweater. imagine how proud you’ll feel when you can finally wear what you want and look just as good, if not better than them. do it for the people who bullied you about your weight and the boys who turned you down because of it. watch them gawk and whisper among themselves at how much weight you’ve lost. do it for the mean girls, the ones that walk around school like they own the place, the ones who’s parties you never get invited to, the ones that all the boys want. prove yourself to them. soon they’ll notice you and you’ll be too proud to care. own your new found confidence, throw your own parties, feel wanted. do it for the boy you’ve been crushing on since the first time you met. make him want you just as you wanted him. laugh at yourself as he chases after you. watch him suffer just as you did. do it for the bikini you’ve never had the body to wear. make your old self proud. wear that bikini. finally feel good in it. go to the beach and the pool and show it off. it belongs on you. do it for yourself. do it for your own happiness and do it right now. you deserve this. it might take some time and maybe you’re growing impatient. but it’s okay, everything good takes time. so be safe, stay strong, and don’t give up. this will be worth the wait. trust me.

I literally cannot fucking wait until I’m thin. I can’t wait to not feel like the outsider in my friend group. I can’t wait to not feel like the ugly friend. I can’t wait to be as thin as my best friend and for people to not see me as a charity case. I can’t wait to be able to go shopping and not worry about what will hide my fat. I can’t wait to see my collarbones and feel great in shorts. I can’t wait to be able to post selfies confidently from any angle and get as many likes as all the thin girls from school. I can’t wait to be someone else’s thinspo. I can’t wait to be happy with myself. I can’t wait to be thin.

Okie lovey, I know you might have had a rough couple of days or maybe you’ve been doing everything right and you just need a little pick me up. That’s okay too. I’m here for you, maybe not there physically but I’m still here. Make some tea, and take a bath; while you’re in there light a few candles and take time for yourself. Paint your nails read a book or simply think about bettering yourself. You’re almost there, I’m so excited for you! I’m going to be there when you cross that finish line (UGW). Finished with tea? Are you hungry? No. Exactly, chin up sweetheart, you got this. I love you

10 Reasons I want to be Thin

1. A flat stomach looks so good in anything. 2. No more armpit fat. 3. Finally have a thigh gap (again). 4. Feel beautiful and in control 5. people you already know will ask you how you did it, new people you meet will fall in love with you. 6. Go on adventures and have fun without worrying about your fat jiggling around. 7. Tan outside or at the lake without wanting to die because you’re too fat for a bikini. 8. Going out to parties and making friends because you’re confident and beautiful. 9. Not wanting to cry every time you see your full body in a mirror/ reflection. 10. Not crying in general anymore. Finally being happy.

11 Reasons Why I'm Doing This

1. To be the skinny friend

2. So I can be lifted up and be called light

3. To wear anything and still look cute

4. To have pretty bones to show off

5. To hear those words; ‘Have you lost weight?’

6. To not feel guilty when having a sweet treat (occasionally!)

7. To wear tight jeans and not have a muffin top

8. To not want to cry every time I look in the mirror

9. To not feel embarrassed in a bikini or swimsuit

10. To sit on someone’s lap without fear of crushing them

11. To finally feel happy with myself

They are in the kitchen making dinner. It smells so good, and all you want to do is have some. But would that make you happy? Would that food actually do anything for you? Sure, it would taste good. But as soon as you swallow, it would be gone. You’d take a drink of water, and the taste would wash away. Five minutes of fun, and then you’d be full. Full of food, regret, hate, shame, and disgust. Today would be yet another day wasted. So go ahead, eat the food. Be the fat tub of lard you always have been. Or don’t. Don’t eat the food. Be a day closer to your goal.

The choice is yours.

[cloudytamaki]

t.amajiki ― hurting his feelings

!!! inspired by @.everesteen’s ‘angst 2 fluff scenarios; hurting the hq boys’. i’m not joking when i tell you my heart actually clenched okay.

warnings: angst to fluff, yelling/arguments viv’s notes: writing this was slowly killing me. never treat him like this or 🔪 

today had been a shitty day. your card was declined at the coffee place, you screwed up during your work presentation, you nearly got rear-ended, and to top it all off, you were very hungry. you didn’t eat at all at work and you had only eaten a piece of toast and small cup of coffee.

you had eaten dinner with your boyfriend, and were now furiously typing away on the keyboard as you desperately worked to finish your memo you were supposed to get to your boss today. 

“fuck.” you didn’t even get up to shower yet, and it was about 9:30 pm. your boss was expecting the memo about a few hours ago, but you had gotten stuck in traffic. you took a sip of some coffee and quickly began typing again, but life just had to keep kicking your ass.

your laptop screen glitched and froze, and you quickly pressed the save button a few times, but the damn thing blacked out. you needed to get a better laptop. you whipped out your phone and quickly finished writing on there, sighing through your nose as you began to finish the last sentence, a tap on your shoulder nearly made you lose your sanity.

“um, y/n?” you indigo haired boyfriend was awkwardly standing behind you, his onyx gaze washing over your dark laptop screen and hunched figure as you held your phone tightly. his eyebrows lifted and he let out a small sound. “y-you should stop overworking yourself like this. it’s kind of late, do you want to shower?”

“mhm. i’m almost done, i just need to—” he placed a warm hand on your shoulder, thumb gently rubbing circles onto your skin, his actions cutting you off immediately. you couldn’t relax until you got this in; you pulled your shoulder away and finished typing your last sentence, opening up a new email as you began to type in the email address and subject.

tamaki wrapped his arms around your torso, cuddling you lovingly. you shifted your body to move out of his grasp, pressing send on your email before setting an alarm for 6 am tomorrow. you shut off your phone and tried to get up, but you were still in his arms.

you let out another sigh, but this time it was more irritated. “tamaki, can i get up? i’m going to go shower.”

“mm.” your patience was running thin; you pried his arms off you and grabbed some clothes from your drawers, pulling a clean towel off the folded stack on the bed. tamaki copied your actions, going so far as to follow you into the bathroom when you noticed he was behind you.

“what do you want, tamaki?” your words were sharp with annoyance, your tone dry with exasperation. 

“can i shower with you?” he took your waist and pulled you close to him, but you quickly got away from his grasp. you began taking off your glasses/contacts, setting them onto the windowsill as you turned on the water so it would warm up.

as soon as he leaned towards you, looking for some more affection, aiming to kiss your neck, you pulled away sharply as if you’d been burned. this was when you finally exploded, the day’s stress finally getting to you.

“damn it! can’t you just leave me the hell alone?! you’re so clingy and dependent, just fuck off!”

tears began to build up in tamaki’s eyes, an uncomfortable lump rising in his throat. he quickly shoved it down and backed away from you, closing the bathroom door without a word.

you stepped out of the shower, drying your face with the towel as you exhaled, ready to cuddle tamaki and go to sleep after a long day. you opened the bathroom door, hanging up your towel as you walked over to the bed.

the bedroom was dark, there was a lump in the blankets and soft cries could be heard from where you stood. you exhaled a sigh and walked over to tamaki, sitting on the bed beside him.

you placed a hand on his shoulder but he flinched away from you, letting out a soft whimper as if you’d burned him. guilt pooled in your stomach as you looked at your frightened and clearly upset partner.

even though he looked like he didn’t want to be touched by you, you leaned forwards and pulled him into a hug, burying your face into his neck as you felt tears well up in your eyes. 

“tamaki, baby, i – i’m so sorry.” he sniffled against your shoulder and you gripped him tighter, “i know this isn’t an excuse, but i was really stressed and upset. you’re not dependent or clingy, you’re just sweet and i love you and your affection.”

you felt him nod against you as he pulled away for a second, the smell of clean laundry coming in contact with your nose, “c-can we cuddle, bunny?”

you chuckled softly as you brought a hand up to wipe your eyes, “of course.”

[jawllines]

Sorry to be annoying but I asked awhile ago and I think tumblr ate my ask but did you ever do tattoo Harry blurb? I love them and I miss them:( I’ve looked through your tags and there isn’t any on there if you have posted one

I CAN POST ONE I WROTE A WHILE AGO RIGHT NOW :D I DONT THINK I POSTED HERE BUT LET ME KNOW HERE YOU GO PET 

i.

“Baby -- baby, c’mon!”

It was rare that Harry ever woke Y/N with more than kisses and cuddles. Maybe an abrupt shoulder shake if the both of them slept through their alarms (and, considering that they are the only ones with the key to open up their own respective stores, they never typically arrived late facing happy employees -- or in Y/N’s case, employee -- Niall, in particular, was always more of a grump in that situation than Riktor even), but even that still managed to be tender, and soft. He always treated her so delicately, as if she were made up of porcelain in the morning and it was imperative to speak in a low, soothing voice with careful touches or she might shatter. And she really didn’t think it was because she was an absolute terror to wake up -- Y/N did quite well, even as early as 5 AM she was still in somewhat of a pleasant mood, certainly nothing to be fearful of -- she thinks he’s just gentle in the morning. He’s gentle all the time, but for some reason or another, he’s extra soft with her then.

They had both had a bit of a busy day, so by the time that they made it back to Y/N’s flat (Harry said he liked it there best because it smelled like her, and -- well, he softens her up and calls her Darling when he wants them to go over there, so it’s hard to say no), both of them were ready for bed. Neither of them could barely keep their eyes open as they scarfed down the burgers they’d picked up on the way home, and once they’d finished and brushed their teeth, they toppled into each other on the mattress. Y/N would reckon they both fell asleep before their heads had even hit the pillow -- she doesn’t even remember crawling beneath the blankets.

Apparently she had though, because now as her brain tunes in with the world around her and she realizes that the distorted voice that had begun to prod her dreams was actually a grumpy, dry throat Harry, she’s cuddling herself closer in the covers. This only makes him grumble at her more, “You’re such a blanket hog,” he whines and Y/N finally blinks her eyes open, being greeted with Harry’s disgruntled, pouted face illuminated by the sunlight beginning to slip through the blinds, “I’ve been trying to unravel it for like ten minutes, but you’re all wrapped up! I’m cold.”

Y/N smiles sleepily at him, not understanding the gravity of the situation entirely as she begins to un-burrito herself from the covers, “G’morning, beautiful,” she murmurs as she does so, finally disentangling from the blankets and while she was a little less warm, Harry was quick to wiggle in beneath them, “Sorry.”

“Don’ be sweet when m’tryin’ to be angry with you,” she puckers her lips at him dramatically, and though he sighs, he leans in and presses their mouths together softly, “Your kisses aren’t g’na sweeten me up, m’still grumpy, blanket hog.”

She can only hum as she cuddles closer to him, “Sorry,” she repeated, this time adding, “Like to swaddle myself like a lil’ baby. Reckon you weren’t holdin’ me well enough last night.”

An offended gasp leaves through his lips soundly, enough that it startles her, but his arms worm around her waist and draw her closer to his body, “Brat,” he grumbled, dipping his nose into her throat, “I held you so well and you just wiggled right out of my arms and took all the covers with you.”

“Like a worm -- I wiggled out like a worm or somethin’,” she tried to sit up but his arms tightened around her, “This worm has to pee though and she’ll soak the bed if she isn’t allowed.”

His arm loosens around her, “This worm sounds like she’s a sleepy sort of delusional that requires about two hours more of rest.”

Y/N stumbles toward the bathroom in her room, “Noooooooo,” she whines, frowning at nobody, not bothering to swing the door shut before she plops on the cold toilet seat to relieve herself, “We’re supposed to go get hot chocolate, no more sleep.”

“Baby, it’s 6 AM and I’ve been up the last 30 minutes freezing my bits off!” He calls back to her and she giggles some, her eyes trying to accommodate to the bright white lights of the bathroom, “Sleep just a bit more and we’ll get the hot chocolate when we wake up next.”

She waits until she flushes and washes her hands to respond to him, and though she knows that she is definitely going to crawl back in bed and fall asleep, she stands at the foot of it with her hands in fists at her hips. He had let his eyes flutter closed by then but she thinks he could feel her eyeballing him, so he looks up past the mountain of blankets now covering him so she could only see his eyes and his nose, “What’re you doing?”

“You’re telling me, you don’t wanna go at 6 AM, three hours before the kiosk even opens to get hot chocolate with me? You must really hate me, don’t you?”

He huffs a sharp breath through his nose which is how he usually laughs in the morning, when he can’t muster up the strength to have a proper giggle, “Absolutely loathe you, baby doll, but could you please come back to bed so I can loathe you in the warmth?”

It takes little persuading -- as she said, she knew she was just going to crawl right back in beside him -- and instead of relying too heavily on the blankets to provide her warmth (like wrapping up half of it around her so she was cocooned entirely. . .this is what she normally does, and she would say that’s probably why Harry almost never has any of the covers in the morning), she relies on him. Picks up his arm so that she can fit herself underneath it and lies her cheek on his chest, “Your pits better not be smelly.”

“I make no promises.”

.                             .                         .

“I love your hair.”

“Stop it, Sweetheart, I’m g’na start blushing.”

They had slept for four more hours rather than the two Harry had originally suggested, but that always happens with them. Y/N would say that they are just too content cuddled up with one another that they milk it for all it’s worth. If one of them wakes up before the other, then they just settle their head back down and close their eyes again. Unless they had somewhere to be, of course, but Harry had a free Saturday (no clients schedule, even though Saturday’s could often be some of his heaviest days) and he’d elected to spend it with her -- whether they were awake or asleep didn’t much mater, they just liked to be near each other.

When they finally did wake up, they lazily got dressed into about thirty layers so they wouldn’t freeze outside. The weather had grown frigid quite quickly this November, and neither of them stood the cold very well, but there was a park lined with little pop-up kiosks with hot chocolate, sweets, little holiday goodies, and an obscene amount of knitted blankets (it was a clever marketing tactic, Y/N thought -- everyone is more willing to spend money on a blanket when they’re freezing cold - she and Harry had certainly fallen for it today). Y/N bought them shoe warmers to keep their toes at least not numb, and Harry lets her borrow a pair of his gloves because she keeps forgetting to buy some of her own. They both have hats fitted over their heads too, and since Harry’s let his hair grow out, his curls stick out from beneath the pumpkin orange print and Y/N can’t stop staring at it. She’s always loved his hair, she told him as much one of the first nights they’d sat on her bookstore’s floor and talked about just a bit of everything. Back when she barely realized she had a crush on him. . . .when she didn’t know that in just a little time, she would be over the moon.

And she’ll never forget that people used to make him feel like shit about his hair, so she maybe overcompensates by telling him every time she has thought about loving it. Which means today, in the span of a short three hours they’d been awake, Y/N had complimented his hair about twenty different times. If she was running her fingers through it, fixing his beanie, or just staring at him, she let him know just how much she adored his curls.

“I hate to tell you this, Button, but your cheeks are already red as apples,” she shifted the paper cup of hot chocolate from her hand closest to him to the other, so she could reach up and tuck them behind his ear, that had reddened from the cold, “The air has you more bashful than I ever could.”

“Not true,” he murmurs, lowering his voice as he knocks closer to her ear, “I always blush when you go down on me.”

“God,” Y/N shakes her head, “You’re too much, d’ya know that?”

He laughs, nudging her with the cold tip of his nose, “You want the peppermint bark? We’re coming up on the seller.”

“Of course, I want peppermint bark,” she reaches for her wallet, “I’m stocking us up for the next hundred years or so.”

Harry slows for a moment, sliding his gloved hand into her own and squeezing, “Hey,” he begins, his voice soft, somewhat reflective and it brings her attention to him at her side, “Y’know when -- you remember how you said you just get random flushes of love for me and s’a whole lot and you just don’t know what to do with it?”

Y/N nods, “Yeah, like every waking minute practically. Why?”

He smiles shyly, “I’m having one of those moments.”

“For the peppermint bark?” She teases, but his brows furrow and he swats her shoulder playfully, “Hey!”

“I’m trying to be sweet on you, and you’re still going on about this bloody chocolate,” he rubs the arm that he swats, even though Y/N has so many layers on plus the blanket that she bought wrapped around her, that he made no real contact with her body.

Y/N pulls him in for a hug, narrowly avoiding a child running past them as she does so, “Oh, you know m’only kidding. I love you too, Bug, more than words can describe and ten times more than the chocolate I reckon. . .well, unless it’s made really well this year.”

“I’ll leave you here, blanket hog.”

[kwonhoshi0]

𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 | fic

navigation | requests : open | 12th march 2021

pairing : dabi x fem!reader

genre : fluff, angst

word count : 3.1k

warnings : fire, death, trauma

themes : strangers to lovers, mutual pining, denial, story changes,

summary : you had to get away from the toxicity that is your father and the hero society. after 17 years of being trapped, you finally have a chance to escape but with a man you didn’t really expect to help. you wondered why he helped you, you don’t know it’s because you don’t question his looks, you saw him not his scars.

you didn't plan for this, you didn't expect him to save you.

the corrupted superhuman society, the toxic society you lived in angered you. maybe things would've been different if your quirk, or your parents weren't who they are.

they wanted to mold you into the perfect weapon against villains, were the villains really the bad guys? who had the right of calling people heroes and villains. what separated them.

those thoughts you asked yourself each day growing up, if you could even call it that. 

everything was okay at first, you felt loved, but once your quirk manifested that changed, drastically.

training everyday until you couldn't move, the tears, the bruises. when would it be enough, is this really what it took to be a hero, to be deemed worthy of such a title?

you had already had to endure 12 years of training constantly, for your dad. you always wondered what is would've been like, to grow up in a stable happy home.

your father had been rejected by the superhuman society, his views were called sick and twisted. he wanted, needed to make you the best. that would've been okay if he let you have a childhood, if he trained you like a daughter not a robot. 

your fathers quirk is jet fire, he can quite literally make jets of fire with his mouth. the green haired man wasn't always bad, he didn't always push you or bruise you. you remembered there was a time, he would hold you, he’d spin you around. 

your quirk is the manipulation of fire, with the particles around you, you can create fire and other gases like smoke. it was a literal merge of your parents quirk, except you don’t breathe fire you create it with your hands.

your mother hasn't talked to you properly since your father started training you at the age of 5. maybe it was the guilt, she never questioned her husband, he had left another woman for your mother, personally you thought she was the last thing holding your fathers sanity together. the guilt of ruining you, corrupting you had haunted her so much she didn't even notice the scars and bruises on your body.

you had never had a real mother figure to show you how strong women are. she would never tell you this but she wondered where you got your anger and courage from.

everyone has a breaking point. yours was when you realized your parents would be living your life for you until they die. that terrified you more than you'd like to admit. the thought of living your life as a hero, a hero you didn't believe in or want to be. an entire lifetime in someone else’s shadow.

did you really live 17 years for this.

you thought about this as you stared up into your ceiling. it was 1am and you couldn't sleep, again.

you had had an argument with the green haired man you were cursed to call dad. it got heated and you locked yourself in your room, you had a bag packed full of clothes and money. staring at it you thought, is it worth it, will all this be worth it.

heroes and villains, you scoffed, they're all the same.

hearing loud steps coming up the stairs, you panicked standing up quickly and shoving the bag into your closet.

“y/n!”

“what” you looked at your door where the man stood, putting your book down next to you. 

“training in 1 hour” you stared at him incredulously, it is 1 fucking am and this lunatic wants me to train, Now.

“no” you deserve sleep, you only finished training a couple hours ago.

“you will train with me in one hour, or else i’m taking your phone and you’ll be training until tomorrow night.” you sighed frustrated and angry as he slammed your door shut. of course he’d take away my one fucking escape.

your eyes darted to the bag peaking out the corner of your closet, maybe today is the day.

you stared at it for a minute before grabbing the bag and checking everything was in there before grabbing a couple more items of clothing and your charger cable. you quickly got changed out of your training clothes and shoved on some baggy jeans and a black turtle neck with some boots. ‘fuck okay, we’re doing this’

you grabbed a pillow and shoved it under your sheets to make it look like you’re sleeping and opened your window, your room was on the second floor so you weren't worried about the drop, you jumped down using smoke to soften your fall and you ran through the alleyways of the city.

after an hour of running you leaned against the wall of an alley and checked your phone to see 30 missed calls from your father. before leaving you made sure to turn off the tracking app and restrictions on your phone.

as you turned to run through the alley you felt eyes on you, a cold breath made the hairs on your neck jolt up, yelping slightly you jumped forward to see.. some sort of sludge monster?

‘fuck’ you breathed as it backed you against the corner, throwing your bag to the side you floated up a little with your quirk and blasted fire at it, it parted where you aimed the fire before molding back together, ‘strong, worthy of me’ it breathed and it collided with you making you scream out in pain, it was agony, it felt like it was ripping you apart inside out.

you could hear voices coming closer but you were a little preoccupied. you had an idea, you slowly created as much fire you could with your hands, the creature shrieked pushing you away as you gasped air filling your lungs again.

you noticed a circular black matter at the end of the alley where the sludge monster appeared from, before you could inspect it it shrunk until it was nothing.

the same voices you heard earlier yelled as the sludge monster slipped through the drains “she’s valuable, she defeated that monster” a man said coming closer to you, you looked at him with furrowed eyebrows “touch me and you die” you breathed standing up from the dirty alley floor. “feisty too” he chuckled.

you were outnumbered, it was 6 to 1 in a small alleyway. before the men could come any closer a voice behind them made them turn, ‘the people you wanted dead are just that, where’s my payment ’ you couldn't see his face so you attempted to look around for an escape, you noticed a drain pipe leading up to a sturdier metal one, if you could jump onto the electric box and swing your up you could make it onto the roof, you just needed to time it perfectly.

one of the men turned to keep an eye on you, “we’ll have your payment in a week” the man in the middle scoffed turning back to you, “you know that’s not good enough, the payment, now or i’ll burn you to ashes” he said with venom laced in his voice, one of the 6 men had moved to the side, you had a clear few of who they were talking to you, you felt as your face heat up at him but you shook it off.

you raised an eyebrow at him signalling to the metal bar, you weren't sure if he’d help you but he’d probably help you if it was for his benefit as well. he flicked an eye between you and the metal bar immediately smirking at your plan. 

you took his smirk as a confirmation and grabbed your bag from the floor and lifted yourself up with smoke from your feet and jumped swinging yourself from the metal bar to the roof, before you could fully push yourself onto the roof you felt a hand gripping onto your leg, you tried shaking the man off only to feel blue heat take over the alley beneath you.

your eyes widened slightly as the scarred man continued burning the men below you, “stop it!” you yelled as he raised an eyebrow at you the blue flames dying down to nothing.

you sighed in relief rolling onto your back, the men scurried away, burnt but alive.

“why’d you stop me?” he asked, you supported yourself on your elbows as he climbed up onto the roof, he didn't look mad, it was a genuine question. “i don’t know maybe i didn't want to see anyone die.” you deadpanned sitting up dusting the dirt off of your clothes.

he looked at you as if you were the most confusing person in the world, you hadn't asked about his scars or flinched when you saw him, or stared at the purple marks around his face and body. he wanted to know why.

“what?, do i have something on my face” you pouted slightly running a hand through your hair. “no, just surprised” you pursed your lips as if waiting for him to say more, you stood up and grabbed the bag full of your belongings you mumbled a “thanks”.

“what was that smokey?” he smirked, a nickname, really. you rolled your eyes at his remark “you should be thanking me as well, without me you would’ve been cornered” he nodded a little at your words “hm well, what’re you doing out here”.

“ran away” you said quickly as you stared at the missed calls on your phone screen. “i need to get away from here” you added as he watched your every move as if trying to decipher you.

“well, you wanna go to hosu?” you looked up at him in disbelief, “what’s in it for you”, he looked conflicted you weren't great at reading people, its not like you had friends or anyone other than your parents around growing up. 

“might change my mind” he grinned before motioning you to follow him, you cautiously followed his steps along the rooftop. “wait i don’t even know your name”. he turned around for a split second before jumping onto another roof, you did the same, “what’s yours”.

“y/n mido- just y/n” if you were really going to leave this world behind then this is where to start, leaving behind your fathers name.

“names dabi, why did you run away” he’s intriguing, besides you needed to get as far away as possible and he’s willing to help so telling him this isn't exactly a danger to you.

“my dads a dick, he’s trying to train me to become the greatest hero but if this is what it takes to have the fucking honor of being called a hero then i don’t want it. i don’t want to be controlled my whole life, or live a life i don’t want”.

“huh, sounds familiar” he joked leading you out of the alleys closer to the lit up streets of the city. you smiled at his joke before jumping down the building as he did using smoke to soften your fall again, he zipped the trench coat up around his mouth and let the hood cover his hair, his piercing blue eyes and nose were the only facial features visible, you laughed slightly at the sight making him roll is eyes at you.

you moved to peak around the corner of the alley, dabi stuck out a protective arm before peaking out as you tried to do a couple seconds before. he let his arm fall to his side again before motioning you to join him, you walked beside him. 

the large lights and billboards made your eyes go wide, “what you never seen the city at night before?” he joked watching your expression stay the same, you looked like a child seeing fireworks for the first time, it was endearing yet sad. had you really been isolated like this, never even seeing something as simple as lights in the darkness.

“i told you, my dad trained me most of my life, so I've never had the luxury of seeing this, never mind at night.”

he hummed at your words as he turned another corner grabbing your arm and dragging you in at the last second making you yelp, a couple motorbikes and cars stood in a line along the small street. the man eyed each of the bikes, you watched as he grabbed a key from a pocket in his oversized trench coat and placed it into a black and blue motorbike before throwing a leg over the seat and turning a head to you. “you coming or not?”.

you grinned before jumping up into the seat.

the world blurred past you, lights buildings and people became one, it really was beautiful, your wide eyes tried to catch everything as you sped past. “where are we going!” you yelled over the noises of traffic and people. “1 day in the city, then hosu city”.

you had never felt more alive, of course you were taking a risk going somewhere you didn't know with a stranger but this was better than being trapped in a house you couldn't call home. 

you gripped his waist as he sped up slightly, he probably didn't how much you hadn't seen, or how much you'd been cut off from the world you thought, in reality he knew more than anyone.

he was busy in thought as you sped past the lit buildings, he watched in the small metal mirror at your expression.

she’s the type to fall in love with everything unreachable, just like i once did.

maybe this was a bad idea, i could’ve just told them i lost her.

the sun started rising a little after you left for the centre of the city, the sunrise you knew all too well rose, sleepless nights led to you watching the sunrise on the rooftop of your house. it was lonely, being alone wasn't something you thought about often. people are disappointing is what you had been taught through experience but however much you wanted to be okay with loneliness you knew you’d find someone to change that, a friend.

“aye you still awake?”,

“mhm”, he grunted in return as you asked him about how much he’d seen of the city, the conversation went onto talk of your family. 

“my mother, she was so in love with the idea of my dad that she kind of just ignored how he treated me, they were good parents at some point, but somewhere along the line that changed”

the day was the most fun you had ever had and much to his disgust you went shopping, you were taking a while “fucking hell, yeah that’s fine”, you frowned at his tone before grinning “hm ill find something better”.

“No, no that is good, yeah its great stick with that”, you laughed at his annoyance before going to pay, “i’ll pay” you shook your head a little grabbing the card you put your fathers money on. 

he rolled his eyes before shoving his own card in the machine and punching in a couple numbers, you thanked him and took the bags resting them on your arms. 

the day went by faster than you liked, you soon found yourself heading towards the motorbike, the black haired man followed next to you eyeing your every move.

she’s going to hate me.

you followed the road out of the city towards another, the lights slowly becoming only dim streetlights. the bright yellow lights of the city were far behind you but even within the peace something was off, you could feel the tension between you and the male, even if you were to ask its not as if he’s going to tell someone he’s known for a little over a day.

“where are we staying in hosu?” you tried to fill the tension with small talk, the man sped up a little before answering “with a couple uh friends, they’re weird”. you nodded as if he could see you, just as you were about to ask him about his ‘friends’ you felt a drop of water hit your cheek.

as the rain slowly got heavier you giggled feeling the drops slide down your face, “what’s so funny smokey” he turned slightly to look at you, you blinked the rain out of your eyes to look at him not expecting to see his bright cerulean eyes looking straight into yours, your breath hitched slightly but you didn't look away, his eyes averted back to the road again and you let out of a breath you didn't know you were holding.

he found himself somehow jealous of the fact that the rain got to touch you, your eyes lit up as you watched the lightning flash across the night sky.

he huffed in anger at himself for even feeling these things, whatever, shes gonna hate me after this anyway.

with only an hour left for hosu you felt yourself getting tired and you grabbed a monster from your bag, you opened the can shuddering a little at the cold you chugged most of the acidic down your throat before hearing the boy in front of you elbow your knee, his hand was held out for the drink, you rolled your eyes pouting slightly and handed him the drink, the rest of the sugary drink drained down his throat. 

something about him intrigued him, maybe it was his mysterious nature, mystery had always drawn you in, it was fun figuring out mysteries and conspiracies, so why is he so difficult to figure out. his eyes were the most mysterious to you, his bright ocean filled eyes. they held so many stories, so many emotions you couldn't decipher.

“hey i asked you a question” you shook away your thoughts and asked dabi to repeat it he sighed shaking his head before smirking for a split second, “i asked how much you hate villains”, you furrowed your eyebrows at his question.

“i don’t hate villains.” you said simply he looked back at you as if asking you to carry on.

“its unfair how quick people are to decide the difference between heroes and villains, most heroes aren’t even good people, they're just fakes hiding behind the mask that is saving people, you hurt people in secret your whole life and then save a couple people and you’re suddenly a hero?, i don’t hate villains, i hate people who think get can choose who’s a hero and who’s a villain just from their appearance”.

he thought for a couple minutes before his lips curled into a small smile, she really gets it huh.

“i’m not stupid, i know you’re deemed a villain dabi, but you don’t seem one to me”, his smile softened a little as if you said the most meaningful words to exist, he felt his walls slowly breaking for you, worst part is he let it happen.

he turned one final corner before parking outside what looked like an abandoned warehouse, you hopped off the bike and followed the man to the door he sighed slightly, he let you go in front of him, you stopped at the door and turned around to look at him questioning his sigh.

he inched closer to you as your back pressed against the door, your eyes widened as his former comforting smile turned into a sad smile, as if he wished this could last.

your breath hitched as his face got closer, he grinned for a second his nose brushing against your own, just as you thought he was going to kiss you he pulled back slightly and lifted his hand which was clenched as if he was holding something, his hand stopped level to his mouth, he opened it and blew the powder into your face making you immediately collapse.

you didn’t expect him to save you anyway.

A/N : damn so part2? DJSF

FUN FACT : manga spoiler : when he said “ she’s the type to fall in love with everything unreachable, just like i once did.” he was talking about his desire to become the greatest hero with his quirk but because of his body is was unreachable.

taglist : @todoroki-shoto-is-life @blazedbakugou @luluwiie @blue-gold-demigod-clouds @gazelle-des-pres

[sisterspooky1013]

Damsels, Chapter Eight: They Don’t Want to be Found

By SisterSpooky1013 / Read previous chapters here

Rated E / Tagging @today-in-fic

Mulder calls in to work the next day, too sleep deprived and mentally exhausted to function. After sleeping until nearly noon, he gets back in his car and returns to Philly. He checks into a hotel that’s just a few blocks from the club and then spends the next several hours trying to watch TV, trying to read, and jacking off picturing Scully topless. A short time later, he jacks off again, this time imagining what he’ll see tonight.

He isn’t really sure what he’s doing or why he’s here. The best excuse he can cook up is that she doesn’t have a weapon and he’s protecting her, but realistically he knows she can take care of herself. Is it really just perversion, that he wants to see her…exposed? What will he say if she spots him? He can imagine her level of mortification if she knew he was here, that he’d seen her, and he feels guilt churn in his gut. She might never forgive him for this.

He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t seem to stop himself from going back. He has to see her again.

Scully had lay awake for hours after Angel left, thinking about what had happened, wondering how it happened in the first place. She’s on a case, how stupid could she be? What if it comes to light that she’s become involved with a witness in the case? She might be suspended. At least then maybe they’d never ask her to do something like this again. What if Mulder finds out? Would he feel betrayed somehow? Would it turn him on?

Somewhere around 6 am, she had finally caved in and slid her hand down the front of her panties, groaning when she felt how wet she was. She swirled her finger around her clit, using her own arousal as lubricant, and imagined what might have happened if Angel’s phone hadn’t rung. Would Angel have touched her? With her hands, or her mouth? Maybe both. Would she have touched Angel? She was approaching the brink just thinking about it. She stopped suddenly, remembering something, and grabbed the bullet vibrator from her bedside table, switching it on and pressing it to her clit as she plunged the middle finger of her other hand as far inside herself as she could reach. Within 30 seconds she was unravelling, images of Angel and Mulder dancing in her head as her walls clamped tightly around her finger. Finally, she had slept.

She manages to sleep until nearly three in the afternoon again, then spends the day getting her nails done, reading, and devising a plan for how she might look through the files in that closet. Without knowing what’s in them, she has no way of gaging whether Ricky is likely to notice if she takes a few at a time and returns them later. Worse still, Lexie is working tonight and that gives any risk she takes the potential to blow the whole investigation. She’s positive that given one more red flag, Lexie will sing like a canary. The silver lining is that Angel won’t be at work for the next three days, so they can get some space from what happened between them.

The evening is mostly business as usual, and she’s a bit horrified to realize that this is becoming as dull and predictable as any other job. She lets her mind wander while she flexes and rolls over horny married men, wondering what Mulder is up to, whether he’s worried about her or even misses her. Part of her wonders if he might realize that his life is less complicated without her, and that he prefers it that way. She feels an ache in her chest, a bit further north than she has grown accustomed to, and realizes how much she misses him.

When he enters the club, she’s at the bar. Half her torso is resting on the bar top as she shouts to be heard by the bartender, who’s laughing at whatever she’s saying. The position she’s in pops her barely covered ass out prominently behind her and his eyes go big at how exposed she is, and how comfortable she seems with it. Her bare breasts are smushed against the lacquered countertop and he feels his cock twitch thinking about how hard her nipples will be when she stands up. Unfortunately, it would be too risky to stick around and find out, so he tugs his ball cap lower and finds a table in the back. The dancers never seem to come back here for some reason.

He keeps his head trained towards one of the other dancers at all times, while his eyes follow Scully’s every move. If he knows one thing, it’s that Scully can feel his eyes on her, so he needs to be careful. His disguise is painfully basic and all it would take is one solid look for her to know it’s him. He watches her give a lap dance to a blushing young woman, a soft smile on her face the whole time, and he can’t decide if he’s more turned on or touched by how hard she’s working to make the woman feel comfortable. The aching hard-on in his jeans suggests the former.

This time he’s mentally prepared for her stage set, and also realizes she can barely see beyond the tip rail with all the stage lights on her, so he lets himself enjoy it. He’s known from the moment he met her that Scully is beautiful, sexy, incredible in every way imaginable, but he never could have imagined her moving like this. She’s so graceful and captivating. He lets himself block out all the other jerks who are leering at her, stuffing bills into her underwear, and just watches her. His Scully. She’s ethereal.

“Seems like you’ve found your ATF,” a voice to his left startles him from his reverie.

“Huh?” he turns to see the same waitress who’d served him last night, clad in a fishnet body suit.

“You were here last night, right? You like Desi?”

He panics. “No! I mean, yes. But, don’t send her over here or anything.”

She nods in understanding. “You like to watch. That’s cool, whatever floats your boat, man. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Yeah, can I get a Captain and Coke?” He walked here, why not enjoy himself, right?

Four drinks for him and ten lap dances for her later, he stumbles into the balmy night and back to his hotel room where he jacks off again. Twice.

Everyone is trickling out slowly at the end of what has been a busy shift. Scully takes her time counting her tips, sharing a cut with her bird dog and the bartender on shift tonight. While she would not say that she likes working here by any stretch of the imagination, her coworkers at the club are her only source of socialization and (with the exception of Lexie) she truly enjoys their company. She’s helping one of the custodial staff, a wiry young man they called Don Juan, put up the chairs on the club floor so he can mop when Ricky approaches her.

“Desi, can I see you in my office, please?” He has a somber demeanor that concerns her.

“Um, sure, of course.” She bids the young man farewell and follows Ricky down the hall. He closes the door behind them and she feels her heart start to race.

Ricky sits down behind his desk and motions for her to take a seat across from him. She’s reminded of her first day here and the feelings of fear and anticipation.

“I need to ask you something, Desi, and I want to make sure you don’t mention it to the other girls.”

“Okay,” she responds, taking shallow breaths to obscure the fact that she’s afraid.

“Angel told me what happened.”

Her mouth falls open but no words come out. Is she in trouble for kissing Angel?

“That’s why she was so upset the other night, when you saw her in here. She told me that she’d talked to you about her past a bit,” he shakes his head ruefully. “Some gall those dirtbags have, shaming her for being sexual in any way, then coming to a titty club on the sly.”

She breathes a sigh of relief. “Right, yes, the people who came in. She was very upset. “

“It was really nice of you to spend some time with her after work. Anyway, I gave her a few nights off. She needs a break.”

Scully nods. “You wanted to ask me something?”

“Right! So, Angel is my right hand gal, she helps me with a lot of stuff around here. With her being out, I wanted to ask you to kind of be her backup, if you will.”

For a moment she’s afraid Ricky is asking her to perform some kind of sexual favor, but she recalls that Angel had said he’s gay. “What did you have in mind?” she asks hesitantly.

“Well mostly, I wanted to give you a set of keys for the club. Angel has one, in case something happens to me and I’m not here to open and close the doors, stuff like that.”

A set of keys? Scully feels a flush of adrenaline. “Of course, I can do that.”

“That’d be great, Desi. I know you haven’t been with us all that long, but you seem pretty trustworthy, at least compared to the other girls. Like I mentioned, I’m hoping we can keep this between us, just so there are no hurt feelings from anyone who’s been here longer than you.”

Her heart is pounding with excitement at the opportunity to gain access to those files. “Is there an alarm code or something I should know about?” She recalls a sign on the door for ADT.

Ricky dismisses her concern with a flick of his wrist. “No, nothing like that. I should get one, but I just pilfered those signs from my buddy to scare off vagrants.”

She nods in understanding.

“Ninety-nine percent chance nothing will happen and there’ll be no need, but thanks for being on deck, just in case,” he says as he hands her a playboy bunny shaped keychain with a single key dangling from it.

Scully smiles at him. “I’m more than happy to help.”

After she leaves the club, she first goes home to stash her tips and change into comfortable, dark clothes, and then gets a big cup of coffee and a disposable camera from the 7-11 near her apartment.

By the time she’s lurking in the corner of the club’s parking lot, watching the door, it’s nearly 4am and there’s still a light on inside the foyer. She sips her coffee and waits, shuffling her feet to keep warm. Finally at 4:50, Denny and Ricky emerge, locking the door behind them. After they leave the parking lot, Scully waits another 20 minutes before she creeps around the perimeter of the lot and approaches the door. Glancing around to be sure no one is watching her, she turns the key and steps inside, locking it behind her.

The quiet stillness is eerie in contrast to the throbbing hive of activity it had been earlier in the night and she flicks on her flashlight, making her way to Ricky’s office. She fits the same front door key into the lock and sighs in relief when it turns. Ricky’s security standards aren’t incredibly high, apparently, but in this case it’s to her advantage. She tries the key on the hallway closets just in case, to no avail, and returns to the office. Navigating to his desk, she pulls open drawers quickly, scanning their contents. Nothing is of interest, and she’s disappointed though not surprised that his keys to other areas of the club aren’t in here. That makes things more challenging, but not impossible. She’s spent her days off at the library researching how to pick locks, including buying a lock picking kit and some padlocks at the local hardware store to practice with, and she feels relatively confident she can get this door open without a key. She might just have to be the one to pick the lock next time she and Mulder have the need. She smiles to herself knowing how impressed he’d be.

Back in the hallway, she pulls the small lock picking kit out of her back pocket and kneels in front of the door, the pen light perched between her teeth. She studies the lock and then inserts a torque wrench at the bottom, turning it slightly to put resistance in the direction it will spin when unlocked. From the kit, she selects a straight, flat pick and runs it from back to front at the top of the keyhole a couple times. Next she exchanges it for a pick with a curved end, pushing it as far back and high as she can reach as she holds her ear close to the lock in the stony silence of the hallway. Bumping against the pins inside the lock, she listens and feels for a small click or give that indicates the pin has settled in its unlocked position. She continues this until she counts five pins clicking into place, then removes the pick and turns the torque wrench.

The lock releases with a soft click and she laughs out loud as the door swings open, beyond pleased with herself. Stepping into the closet, there’s enough room for her to close the door behind her and she does so, pulling a cord to turn on the overhead light. Taking stock of the beige bank of file cabinets, she works top to bottom, left to right, and immediately feels her heart sink when the first four drawers she tries are empty. Would this be yet another dead end? When the fifth drawer snicks open, she sees a small set of files hanging towards the back. She quickly checks all the other drawers so she’ll have a good idea of how much material she has to review, but they’re all empty.

She pulls the files out and sits down with them on the floor, setting the disposable camera near her thigh. There are eight folders nestled inside the hanging file, each one with a set of initials on the tab. The first one is marked “G.A.” and inside she finds an intake form, a personal statement that’s filled out by hand, and a release of liability form. The intake form is sparse and includes nearly no identifying information. The name is listed as simply GA and the fields below it include “entry date,” “exit date,” “reason for sheltering,” and “responsible individual.” On the form for GA, the entry and exit date are both a year and a half prior, about six months apart. Reason for sheltering is listed as “threat of violence-domestic,” and the responsible individual reads “brother.” She turns to the second page, which contains GA’s personal statement.

Continue Reading Here

[sunflowerspecter]

absolutely smitten/never let you go

summary: the team finds out about hotch’s secret girlfriend in a very interesting way. 

warnings: mentions of kidnapping, nothing too graphic and it’s very vague, swearing, literally so much fluff. 

pairing: aaron hotchner x fem!reader

words: 4567

note: i just wanted to write soft hotch fic. that’s all. 

~~~oOo~~~

At first, you didn’t exactly understand. 

“They’re your family. I want to know every aspect of your life. You don’t have to keep me away from the gruesomeness of your job,” you had said softly. 

“It’s not that,” he said. He trusted you, one hundred percent, but so much of his life was already shared with his team. “It’s just that I kind of like seeing their faces when I tell them I have plans and then don’t tell them why.” 

You laughed, crossing your arms. “Is that so? Did you used to tell them before I came along?” 

“No,” he said, shaking his head, “I just didn’t have plans before you came along.” You kissed him, then shrugged. 

“I’ll be your little secret, then. Until you’re ready for me to meet them,” you said, and he thanked you, to which you shook your head. 

He shared you with Jack, at least, who was a little shy at first, but very quickly enamored with you. The boy was a sweetheart, and you spent many nights a week at the Hotchner’s residence. In fact, you spent most nights at Aaron’s. Most of your clothing and belongings were there, too. You hadn’t officially moved in with him, after thirteen months, but you rarely visited your apartment, except for when you remembered something you had stored there. 

You weren’t sure why you didn’t move in officially— you had no doubts in your mind that he wanted you, and that he loved you, or that you wanted and loved him, but you kept your apartment. Maybe you were waiting for him to officially ask you, or maybe you weren’t sure if you should ask him yourself, or maybe you felt you were crossing over some sort of line in your relationship, but for the time being, you would leave it. 

It was early in the morning when you woke up to the sound of Aaron’s phone ringing. You were curled against his body, and he reached over you to grab it off of the nightstand. 

“Hotchner,” he answered, sleep still in his voice, and you swear, it was probably the sexiest noise ever. One of his arms was still draped over your waist, his thumb brushing against you gently. He listened for a few moments, then said, “Alright, see you then.” You turned over in his arms, looking up and facing him. 

“What time is it?” 

He sighed. “5:30.” 

“Case?” He nodded reluctantly, so you leaned up and kissed him. “I’ll make coffee while you get ready.” 

“No,” he immediately said, grabbing your wrist gently, “go back to sleep.” 

You crawled out of his arms and out of bed, shaking your head. “I’m awake now, and I won’t be able to fall back asleep knowing you have to work.”

“Marry me,” he said, his entire body tensing after he said the words. You turned to him, your heart beating ten times faster. 

“What did you say?” 

He flushed, then stood, opening the nightstand drawer. He pulled something out and walked over to you, your stomach doing somersaults. He took your hands in one of his, holding a ring up with the other, and kneeled, saying, “Will you marry me?” You dropped down to your knees, kissing him, pushing your hands through his hair. He pulled back, and you noticed his eyes were watering. “Say something?” 

“Oh,” you said, smiling, “yes, Aaron, yes of course,” you said. “Of course I’ll marry you.” He broke out into a smile, kissing you again. “This means you probably have to tell the team now.” 

“Yes,” he said, then he shrugged. “After this case.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

“I love you,” he said into your mouth. You smiled, taking a breath. 

“I love you, too,” you said. Then you sighed. “You have to be getting ready.” 

The smile dropped off of his face, but he nodded. “I’ll be home as soon as possible,” he said, and you smiled.  

“Now I’m actually going to make coffee.” 

You peaked into Jack’s room as you passed, wondering if Aaron had asked for. 

After you made coffee, you placed sticky note with a heart drawn on it on a granola bar and slipped it into Aaron’s go-bag. He always forgot to eat on cases. Whenever he got home from a case, you would ask if he was hungry, and he would freeze and nod, seemingly remembering that it was important to eat. 

You moved back to his room, grinning at him from the doorway. “I like that tie.” It was a red tie, he wore a red tie all the time, but you liked it. 

He smiled and walked over to you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “All of my ties are red.” 

“No, there’s that blue one you have,” you said, and he slipped his hands around your waist, kissing you with soft lips. “You’re going to be late for work.” You pulled back, but he shook his head, kissing you again, this time for longer, his tongue working in unison with yours. You only pulled back a few minutes later, shaking your head. “You’re actually going to be late,” you said. 

He nodded reluctantly, and you walked him to the door. “I love you. See you soon, Mrs. Hotchner,” he said, and you grinned like an idiot. 

“Fuck, I love you,” you said, closing your eyes as he kissed your forehead, and then he was gone. 

You checked the time on your way back to the bedroom, 6:15 in bright red letters blaring at you. You sighed, weighing your options. You probably wouldn’t fall asleep again, but you could lie there, staring at the ceiling, for a while, if you wanted. You could watch television and make breakfast, if you wanted to do something. There was something peaceful about that morning, where you decided to sit in the living room and read for a while, watching the room slowly fill with sunlight. Something so sure settled in your stomach, the fact that you would be marrying the love of your life. There was something about the adrenaline and dopamine still rushing through your veins from his proposal, mixed with the smell of the old book in your hands and the warmth of the room, that filled you with such a contentment. 

You decided to make pancakes for breakfast, and soon you heard little feet padding towards the kitchen. 

“Hey, buddy,” you said, and he smiled at you. 

“Is dad on a case?” the boy asked, and you sighed.

“Yes he is, but he’s going to be back home with us soon, so don’t you worry.” You set a plate in front of him, and he stared at the ring on your finger the entire time. 

A wide grin broke out on his face. “He finally asked you!” Jack said. 

You laughed. You should have known. “Yes he did,” you said. 

“Dad said I could call you mama, if you’re okay with it.” 

You grinned down at the little boy, then wrapped your arms around him. “Of course I’m okay with it.” 

“Since I don’t have school can I come to the store with you today?” he asked next, and you hummed, crossing your arms. 

“Well, I don’t see why not,” you said, grinning as he yelled with excitement. 

~~~oOo~~~

“Both women were at a bookstore the night they went missing, we should check it out,” Reid said. 

Hotch nodded, “What do we know about the place, Garcia?” 

“Um,” she said, and the clicking of her keyboard could be heard over the phone. “It’s owned by two women, Y/n Y/l/n and Phoebe Martin,” she said. “They both seem to check out, I can look deeper, though—” 

“That’s fine, Garcia,” Hotch said, shaking his head. He cursed under his breath, then looked up at his team. “Morgan and Reid, you’re with me. The rest of you stay here.” 

~~~oOo~~~

After settling Jack down in the children’s section of the small bookstore you owned, you walked over to the counter. 

“Hey, Y/n!” Phoebe, your co-owner and best friend, said from behind the counter. “How are you?” 

You smiled at her, “Well, I’m good, but you’re even better.” 

“I’m even better?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Please, do tell me whatever it is that you’re plotting before I go get the fire extinguisher.” 

“First of all,” you said, crossing your arms, “that was one time. Second of all, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s just that your best friend is getting married, so you finally get to help her plan the wedding.” 

The squeal following your statement was so high that a dog next door barked. “He proposed?” she asked, grabbing your hand. “Oh, my god, babe, you’re getting married!” She pulled you into her arms, holding you as tight as possible. “This is so exciting!” 

You then recounted the events of the morning to her, and you kept talking until Jack walked up to you, telling you how hungry he was. “Let’s go eat lunch, okay?” you said, taking his hand and leading him to the backroom, where you had packed lunch. You heard the bell on the door ring, and Phoebe saying hello to someone. 

“Aaron!” you heard her yell. “Are you here to see Y/n?” You patted Jack’s head and then walked out of the room, grinning as you saw your husband-to-be. 

“Aaron! I thought you were on a case?” you said, before you noticed the two men beside him; a thin man wearing a sweater-vest, currently scanning a book that he picked up from the shelf beside the counter, and the other, a muscled man wearing a grey t-shirt and a gun attached to hip, eyeing Aaron suspiciously. 

“He is,” Phoebe said, trying to suppress a laugh. You were in quite the sticky situation. Yes, you were now engaged to the man, but you still weren’t sure he wanted to tell his team. You narrow your eyes at her. 

“How can I help you, fellas?” you said, trying to meet Aaron’s gaze, but he was looking down at his hands. 

The one in the grey t-shirt waited for Aaron to speak, and when he didn’t, he spoke up, “I’m SSA Derek Morgan, this is SSA Aaron Hotchner and Doctor Spencer Reid, we’re with the FBI.” 

You didn’t take your eyes off of Aaron, who looked up at you and shrugged. “She knows,” he said quietly to Morgan, and then he said, “A woman went missing last night, Y/n, and this was her last known location. A woman who went missing two weeks ago last night was also here the night he went missing.” 

“Oh,” you said, and Phoebe sucked in a breath. “We were closed last night,” you said. 

“No,” Phoebe said, “last night was kid’s night, we had a local author here until 7.” 

You nodded, then. “Oh, damn, I forgot that was last night.” You took a breath. 

“She’s nervous,” Phoebe said. “She doesn’t do well with strangers.” 

Another glare at her, and then you continued. “Yeah,” you said. “Phoebe was here, until then, but that was it.”

“Can we ask you a few questions about the author?” Morgan asked. You and Phoebe nodded, giving each other a look. 

“His name is James Bryce,” Phoebe said.

“Does he come in often?” Reid asked. 

Phoebe took a step closer to you. “He’s come in every week for the past month.” 

“He writes children’s books,” you added, biting your lip as you felt your stomach drop. Was he their suspect? Aaron didn’t talk about cases very often, but you had read David Rossi’s books on profiling, and you knew that child predators would be close to children, but these were women. “Oh, god,” you said. 

“Did he take that woman?” Phoebe asked, and you looked at her, her face pale. 

“We don’t know that,” Morgan said. 

“I’m going to go check on Jack,” she said, moving to the backroom. You nodded at her, patting her shoulder as she passed you. 

“Who’s Jack?” Morgan asked. “Was he here last night? Would he have—” 

“He doesn’t work here,” you said, too quickly. You glanced at Aaron for just a second, then came up with the first lie you could think of, instead going the not-exactly-true-but-not-a-lie route, saying, “He’s my son.” Damnit. 

You could see Aaron smirking out of the corner of your eye, but you didn’t dare look at him. The room was quiet for a moment, before Spencer decided to speak up. 

“That’s actually such a coincidence, Hotch’s son is also named Jack!” 

“Is it rare for people to name their kids Jack, pretty boy?” Morgan asked, and Spencer answered him, but you didn’t listen. Your eyes were focused on Aaron, who was staring right back at you. 

Meanwhile, Jack wandered out of the room. 

“Mama, can I color?” he asked, then looked up and saw his father. You caught him smiling, probably at the name that Jack had given you. “Daddy!” he said, and you watched as Aaron shifted from work-mode to dad-mode in a second. 

“Hey, buddy, how’s your day going?” he asked, and you looked up to Morgan and Reid, who were both wide-eyed. You kept your hands folded behind your back. 

“I’m good,” Jack said. “Are you on a case? Mama said you were.” He certainly had no problems calling you Mama instead of your name— you wondered how long ago he and Aaron had talked about it. 

Aaron sighed. “Yes, I am, but this case is in town, so I’ll be home tonight.” Jack nodded, and both of your boys looked up at you. You smiled down at them and Jack jumped over to you as Phoebe walked in from the back room. You put your hands on the little boy’s shoulders as he watched the adults. 

“Hold up,” Morgan said. “What’s happening here?” 

Spencer looked even more confused, but he didn’t say anything. 

Phoebe giggled, just a little, but you were too glad that the color had returned to her face and that she didn’t look a few seconds from crying to mind. 

Aaron looked to Morgan and Reid, then sighed. “I haven’t been completely open with the team,” he said. 

“You make it sound so grim,” you murmured, and he looked back at you. Not helping. You shrugged. 

Aaron was about to say something, but Morgan got a phone call. Reid turned to listen, and Aaron turned to you, his back to his team. 

“This isn’t how I expected them to find out,” you said quietly, giggling. Aaron shook his head. 

“This is fine,” he said, and you knew that he was trying to convince himself, not you. 

“So, I don’t know what’s happening here, but we have to go,” Morgan said. “We will be discussing this when we get back, though.” He opened his mouth to say more, but then his eyes found Jack, and he shook his head. “It’s bad.” Keeping one hand on Jack’s shoulder, you pulled Phoebe to you with your free arm, her face going pale again. Aaron nodded, then bent down to say goodbye to his son. 

He took a step, then looked back at you. “Go,” you said, and he nodded, following his team out. You looked down at the people beside you; Jack, on your leg, and Phoebe, curled under your arm. “Jack, how about you go show Phoebe your art skills?” He nodded, taking Phoebe’s hand, and she muttered a ‘Thank you’ to you. 

~~~oOo~~~

That night, Aaron came home and held you. You had put Jack to bed earlier, and were sitting at the table, waiting for him, and when you stood to greet him, he pulled you into his arms and didn’t let go. 

You waited a few minutes, reveling in the feeling of him, moving your hands over his shoulders, wrapping your arms around him, and then you asked, “What happened?” 

He just shook his head. 

You pulled back just a little to look at him, and his face was wet. “Honey,” you said. He shook his head again, taking a deep breath, but it didn’t help, and he broke down again, and you pulled him back towards you. 

A few minutes passed, but you weren’t in any hurry to move. “I’m sorry,” he said, untangling himself from you, taking steps backward. 

You moved forward, grabbing his hand and holding it to your chest. “You have nothing to be sorry for, my love. Nothing.” You shook your head. “You need sleep,” you said, lifting his hand to your lips and kissing his knuckles. He nodded, bleary-eyed, not putting up any sort of fight when you led him to your room. 

He didn’t say anything as you helped him out of his clothes and into pajamas, and he didn’t say anything when you tucked him into bed, and he didn’t say anything when you curled up next to him. 

“I love you,” you said. 

“I love you, too,” he said, turning to you. He reached for you and pulled you closer to his, tucking your head under his chin. 

“Sleep well, my love,” you said, and he hummed in response. You didn’t fall asleep until you heard his breathing even out, and you whispered his name once to make sure he was out until you allowed yourself to rest. 

~~~oOo~~~

It was a week later when the team was getting together at Rossi’s. Aaron said you should come, and meet everyone, especially because Morgan and Reid wouldn’t shut up. So, you were standing in front of Rossi’s door, Jack and Aaron on either side of you. 

Rossi answered the door, a smile on his face, until he saw you, and he raised an eyebrow. His gaze dropped to your hands: Aaron’s fingers were interlocked with yours, and Jack’s small hand was held in your other hand. 

“Storytime,” the man said, gesturing for you to come in. Jack immediately ran over to say hi to Henry, and you realized the entire team was already there. You recognized each and every one of them from photos, and you were pretty sure you knew all of their names. They all looked up to you, and Reid even waved. 

“Hi, everyone,” Aaron said, squeezing your hand. “This is Y/n.” 

“Hi,” you said quietly. 

After a moment, the team all smiled at you, and all introduced themselves. Penelope gave you a hug, and that’s when Spencer noticed the ring. 

“You’re engaged?” he said, and you blushed pink. 

The team went silent, and you were worried that they hated you. But then Emily laughed.

“Wait, so how long have you two been together?” JJ asked. 

“Thirteen months,” Aaron said. 

“He proposed last week,” you said, and the team all shared a look, and then Emily laughed again. 

“That’s why you’ve been nicer to me!” she said, punching his arm. Then she gave you a hug, and said in your ear, “He’s so uptight all the time. You’ve had a very positive affect. Thank you.” 

Morgan shook his head. “This explains so much about the bookstore.” 

“What bookstore?” Penelope said, and Morgan threw his arm around her as everyone began to settle on the couch. 

“The one we went to for the case last week. Ms. Y/n here works there,” he said. 

“I own the place,” you said, smirking, and Morgan flashed a smile at you. 

“So she’s accomplished,” he said, and you laughed. 

“I understand not telling the team,” Rossi said, “but what about me? Why didn’t you tell me?” You almost worried that he was hurt, but his tone suggested that he was kidding. 

“Because if you knew, then the team would catch on. Do you not remember your first week? When a few certain people—” a pointed look at Emily, Morgan, and Reid “—decided to raid your office?” 

“They couldn’t have raided my brain!” Rossi said, and Aaron tugged a little on your arm, pulling you towards the couch, where everyone was arranged haphazardly, Emily and JJ thrown over each other, leaning against Penelope’s knees. Will was sitting on the ground beside them, laughing (but if you looked closely, you could see that he was holding JJ’s hand. You hoped that would be you and Aaron when you were married). Morgan was sitting beside Penelope, and was also practically thrown over Reid. Children. The actual children, Henry and Jack, were sitting beside Will, who was entertaining them with a toy truck. 

“Aren’t you profilers?” you said, and Rossi sighed, shaking his head. 

“Can we watch a Disney movie?” Penelope asked, and you looked over to see that she had the remote. 

There was a unanimous yes that went around the room. You ended up watching the Aristocrats. You curled yourself into Aaron, your head on his shoulder, your legs draped casually over his lap, his arm around your shoulders. At some point, JJ had untangled herself from Emily and was curled against Will, so halfway through the movie, Emily found herself lying beside you, her head in your lap. You almost laughed at her, but just smiled, because these people already felt like your family. 

By the end of the movie, most of the team was asleep, and your heart went out to the poor, sleep-deprived BAU. You untangled yourself, seeing that you and Will were the only ones awake. You found a blanket and threw it at him, and he promptly began covering those in proximity. You looked around, finding a few other blankets, and throwing them onto your friends. Jack woke up, and Will pointed him to you. 

“Hey, bud, everyone’s asleep,” you said. He nodded, and you picked him up. He settled his head on your shoulder. You sat back in between Emily and Aaron carefully, letting Jack lie half on you and half on his father. He drifted off rather quickly, and you held him in place with your arm as you set your head on Aaron’s shoulder, kissing his cheek. 

“I love you,” he murmured quietly, and you smiled. 

“I love you too, babe,” you replied. “I’m glad I met your friends.” You looked down at Emily, who was curled up in a ball next to you, and then Morgan and Penelope, their heads resting together, and Spencer, laying on the floor with his head on Morgan’s knee, and Rossi, asleep in the arm chair, and JJ and Will, asleep with Henry between them. 

“I’m glad they met you, too,” he said, and you kissed him, running your free hand through his hair, eliciting a soft noise from him. His eyes were closed, and you could tell he was exhausted. 

“Sleep, my love,” you said, and he wrapped his arm around you, bringing you closer to him. 

“We’re all going to wake up sore,” he said, but he moved so that his head was resting on top of yours. 

“But at least you’ll have slept,” you said. He hummed, and you smiled. He was so soft, when he was tired. He was soft around you, most of the time, but especially when he was tired. He was right, though. Most of the team would wake up and regret falling asleep. You had half a heart to wake them up; Rossi had so many spare bedrooms. But there was something comforting about this family, that you had only met a couple of hours ago, surrounding you. 

So you didn’t do anything but lie there, holding the man you loved and his—your—son in your arms. 

~~~oOo~~~

Maybe he was a little bit right, because you did, in fact, wake up sore. You blinked your eyes open to find Morgan and JJ talking quietly from their positions, Rossi nowhere to be found, and the rest of the team asleep. Jack and Henry were sitting at the table together, racing cars. You could tell JJ and Morgan had told them to be quiet. 

“Hey,” you said, sitting up from your slumped position. Aaron’s arm slipped off your shoulder to your waist, and you realized he was still asleep. 

“You know, I don’t think I’ve seen him as happy as he is now since Jack was born,” Morgan said, looking at you. 

You smiled, and then looked down at the sleeping man. 

“I just can’t believe he kept you from us for thirteen months!” JJ exclaimed quietly. She shook her head. 

“And how long did you keep Will from us?” Morgan said, raising an eyebrow at her. She frowned, and you laughed. 

“There’s definitely a story there,” you said as Rossi finally reappeared from the kitchen, where he must have been. 

“If you three will kindly wake up our sleepy friends, I made breakfast,” he said, motioning for Jack and Henry to go into the kitchen, which they did. Morgan took Penelope and Spencer under his care, shaking them both gently awake. JJ had already woken Will up, so you turned to Aaron. Part of you felt bad for waking him, but another part of you was hungry, so you shook his shoulder gently and kissed his cheek. 

“Hey, love,” you whispered in his ear until he was stirring. He hummed, his arm tightening around you as he gained consciousness. 

“Hi,” he mumbled before his eyes were open, and then he sat up, glancing around. “What time is it?” 

“Like, 9:30,” Morgan said, and Aaron huffed out a laugh. 

“Where’s Jack?” was his next question, looking over his shoulder. His demeanor was calm, and you could tell he wasn’t panicked, because he knew if something was wrong, you would be panicked as well, but there was a certain unease to his tone. 

“With Dave, in the kitchen,” you said. He nodded, then grinned at you, pressing his lips to yours slowly. You could feel the eyes of the half-asleep team on you, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. 

“I’m going to go say good morning to him,” he said, and you nodded, turning to the group as he left. 

Penelope, who was now fully awake, was making heart-eyes at you. “You guys are so cute!” she said, and you blushed. “He looks ten years younger when he’s around you.” 

You weren’t exactly sure how to respond to that, but you looked to the entrance of the kitchen, thinking about him. You hadn’t known any other side of him. Sure, you saw the changes between work-him and home-him, but you hardly ever saw work-him. When he was with you, he allowed himself to be vulnerable. 

Emily woke up, then, blinking rapidly for a few moments. “This is a comfortable couch, but you guys are never letting me sleep like that again. Everything hurts.” You laughed, and she grumbled, saying something about getting coffee before leaving the room. The group of you decided to follow, even as Spencer was still asleep. 

“Pretty boy doesn’t get enough sleep, anyway,” Morgan said, and you just nodded. In the kitchen, you found Aaron standing and talking to Rossi by the island. Henry and Jack were eating pancakes at the table a few feet away. You stood beside Aaron and he automatically slipped an arm around your waist. 

“Honestly, we’re supposed to be profilers. How did we not see this?” Emily said, nodding towards you. 

“I’m mostly surprised Spencer and Derek didn’t bring it up,” you said. 

“We were confused,” Morgan explained. “Our boss's son was calling some woman we had never met ‘mama.’” 

“And you didn’t think to tell the rest of us so we may figure it out with you?” Rossi said, and you all laughed. 

“I think we’re ignoring one important detail,” Penelope said. Everyone glanced at her, and she sighed. “They’re getting married! When’s the wedding?” 

You let out a breath and laughed. “He only proposed last week, we still have to decide.” 

“Sooner, rather than later, I hope,” Aaron said, and you grinned up at him. 

Sooner rather than later indeed.

taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed or if i forgot you): @quillvine @winterscaptain @agenthotchner @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @andreasworlsboring101

[twinklelilstarkey]

Stopping You - Michael Gray [Part 6]

Words: 3.9k+

Type: Angst & Fluff

Warnings: Female!Reader. Cursing. Mentions of the nightmare and their past relationship. Cuteness overload with kids.

Prologue    Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4    Part 5    Part 6    Part 7

The night was long.

It took you an entire hour to calm down completely, and Finn was quick to make you lean back on the bed. He sat next to your head, hand laid over your hair, massaged your scalp lightly to try and relax you.

Michael stood in the doorway during all of it.

He saw you crying for help, saw his cousin and his mom cleaning your tears away, saw you falling back asleep under Finn’s touch. And how, when you were asleep, Finn never left your side.

As Finn falls asleep against the headboard of your bed, Michael leaves the room for the first time. The image of you sobbing into his mother’s chest replays continuously in his mind like a curse. The fact that everyone knew exactly what to do with you terrified him.

He makes his way down the stairs of the home and drags his tired feet to his mom’s big expensive couch, letting himself fall onto it, hoping that exhaustion could take over.

But it doesn’t.

At 5:30 in the morning, he hears Finn leave your room and walk over to the guests’ room, where he had said previously, to Polly, he would sleep.

Michael wasn’t able to sleep the whole night. Polly and Finn were, but so lightly that they would wake up with someone just doing something as silent as walking on the pavement outside.

At around 7 in the morning, you’re the one awake, sitting on the side of the bed and cringing in pain as you try to force your sore body up from the mattress.

Taking a few minutes until you’re able to do it.

You decide to use the early hours to your advantage and take a bath to wash the sweat from last night out of your skin. And when done, you walk back to the room and grab a clean suit and white blouse from the wardrobe in the corner of the room.

You look yourself in the mirror when dressed and see the bruise on your collar bone, peeking from the unbuttoned top of the blouse. You throw some gold necklaces around your neck, in hopes that they would distract whoever sees the bruise, as well as button one of the buttons.

You walk out of the bedroom and all you can hear from the house is the soft patter of your feet over the wooden floor.

As you reach the kitchen, you’re met with a sight you didn’t exactly expect to have so early in the morning. Michael sitting in one of the kitchen’s highchairs, elbows over the countertop as his hands cover and run through his face.

You don’t greet him, obviously, but the sound of you grabbing the kettle on the other side of the kitchen is enough to make him look up and finally see you.

As you fill the kettle with water and put it over the lit stove, Michael watches you silently. He doesn’t want to disturb you as you move your awfully bruised body as if it doesn’t even hurt through the kitchen.

You shove your hand inside your pocket and take out all the rings you had just stuffed there previously, so you could decide which ones to wear while you wait for your tea. You put them over the free countertop, in front of Michael, and look through them.

Michael watches you intensely as the coffee in front of him grows cold. The exposed skin of your chest, decorated with the golden jewellery, catches his attention, and he holds in a cringe at the sight of the purple bruise peeking from the side.

The hiss of the kettle finally sounds through the room and you don’t even flinch at its loud and sudden sound. You start decorating your fingers after much analysing and Michael almost lets out a chuckle at how at least 3 you picked, are his mom’s.

Once done, you look up and your eyes are met with Michael’s. You don’t say anything, nor hold your usual annoyed expression at him, you just stare back silently.

“Did you- Uhm…” His voice breaks the silence, “Did you sleep well?”

You blink at his question and turn around while taking a deep breath, grabbing a mug from the cabinet above the stove.

“Don’t act like you care, Michael” You simply say, turning off the flame from the stove.

He looks away when hearing your usual arrogant tone as if wounded and clenches his jaw.

You prepare your tea, ignoring his presence, and once done, you turn back around, putting down the scolding hot tea on top of the counter in front of him. You grab the rest of the rings and put them back in your pocket while observing all the steam coming from your mug.

“I care” Michael finally responds, “It might seem like I don’t, but I do”

You look up at him and sigh.

“I don’t believe you” You offer a quick fake smile.

Michael falls silent once more and you let your eyes go back down to the steaming mug. All the possible ways to restart the conversation run through Michael’s mind, but the smell of your favourite tea and your perfume takes his mind in a whole another journey.

It amazes him how close you’re standing to him, so close that he doesn’t even have to reach to touch you. And for so long too. Something the past-Michael would laugh at, for sure.

You used to always be by his side. Not in an overly clingy way. It was just how you two were. You two felt comfortable standing side by side.

The memories are so livid that Michael can almost still feel your touch over his skin. Every time you would hold his hand in the street, pepper his face with kisses when trying to wake him up on early Monday’s, or hugging his arm close to you when you were cold.

He remembers it, he remembers your warmth and your delicate and soft hands as if he had just felt them the day before.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry” Michael whispers over the overly loud silence of the kitchen.

You look up at him again and frown slightly.

“About?”

“Everything” He answers slowly, bringing his eyes over to yours. “And, please, believe me when I say that I mean it”

You don’t say anything.

“I’m sorry for saying all of that shit on the phone. I’m sorry for not calling you anymore. I’m sorry for treating you like shit… And I’m sorry for coming back and acting as if nothing happened”

Your heart skips a beat.

You stare at him silently while taking a deep breath, anger starting to build up in your veins, once more. He is not doing this today.

“The other night, I-”

“The other night shouldn’t have happened” You interrupt, defence mode building back your walls around him, “We shouldn’t have had that conversation”

“Why?”

“Because, Michael” You say louder, hating the fact that he was almost able to get under your walls all over again, “What you did is not fucking exactly easy to forgive and forget, or even excusable. You don’t even fucking deserve a minute of my time, let alone a word”

With that, you grab your mug and walk out of the kitchen, not wanting to be in the same room as him.

You walk over to the living room and put the mug down, taking a seat on the couch.

Michael sighs as you do it and leans back on his chair.

(…)

As you close the door of Polly’s home and walk over to your car, Polly herself walks down the stairs.

She frowns at the sound of the door and walks over to the kitchen to find Michael, staring at a wall.

“Who left?”

“Y/N” He answers in almost a whisper.

“And you let her?” She asks with widened eyes, “She can’t even walk straight with all those wounds”

He scoffs and looks at his mom.

“It’s not like I have any word over what she does or stops doing” He comments.

Polly closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down the nerves she feels towards her own son. She opens them back up and makes her way towards the kettle that still holds enough warm water for a mug of tea.

“Where’s Gina?” She asks as she grabs a mug for herself.

“Probably at the hotel”

“Are you planning on going to see her, today? You spent the whole night here”

Polly turns back to her son, who hasn’t moved a muscle, and he shrugs.

“Yeah. Of course, I am”

Polly nods at his words and puts down her tea, standing exactly where you had stood not even half an hour ago. Michael falls silent again and his mother stares as he fights over his thoughts, even frowning at some.

The older woman sips her warm drink and decides to break the silence.

“What were you two talking about?” She questions, “You were the ones that woke me up”

“I, uhm… I tried to apologize to her”

Polly looks at him shocked.

“Didn’t seem like she took it well” She comments.

“It’s the second time I do it” He admits, making his mother frown, “I don’t know what else to do”

“Second time?”

“Yeah” He nods, swallowing the thick sense of guilt on his throat, “The first time was after that dinner we all had. When I brought her home, we… Uh… Argued”

It all makes sense now.

“She didn’t tell me about this”

“Well, she did say, not too long ago, that ‘that night should have never happened’” He repeats.

Polly stares at her frustrated son and grins while taking a sip of her tea.

“What?” He questions when he notices her smile.

“Nothing, I just” She pauses, “Didn’t expect you to be so worked up about this”

Michael stops for a second. Why wouldn’t he? Yes, you broke up, but you still have a past with a great friendship. He cares for you. And, of course, he wants what’s best for you.

“I do want her to forgive me” He emphasizes, “I just… I don’t how if that’s even possible”

“Michael” Polly starts, taking another sip to warm her throat, “What you put that girl through was inhumane.” Michael tenses up, “You didn’t see half of what she went through, but we all did. Finn and I saw all of it. You were her first ever love, she hoped to be with you forever. And you ripped her heart apart while on the other side of the world”

Oh, how much Polly has dreamed to say all of this to her son. He needs a slap back to reality and she doesn’t care how harsh it really is.

“I didn’t-”

“I know” She says, “But you do need to keep that in mind. Who she is now is the girl that you broke. The girl you loved and promised a future with-”

“But she’s not even the same anymore” He confesses.

“She is” She says with a small smile, “You just had never saw this side of her. Or paid attention to it” He looks at her confused, “Don’t you remember how she looked at Grace’s family in Tommy’s wedding? She hated being close to them, she hated having to talk with the women in the wedding reception. And I watched her as she did it. The cold shoulder she’s giving you, right now, is the same one she gave to those people, Michael.”

“But she never acted like this with me. Even when we first met”

“She was friends with Ada and Esme before meeting you. She knew us, she trusted our family” She explains, “You were introduced to her as my son, a farmer’s boy” She chuckles at the image in her mind, “That was enough to gain her trust”

Michael thought about it for a second.

“She does act different now” Polly continues, “She carries herself with confidence. Acts as if no one can break her. Builds walls around herself so tall that she can’t even peek from over them. But she’s just protecting herself from getting hurt again. That cold shoulder, she would give someone once in a blue moon, is now her new way of staring life in the eyes. She’s not a scared girl anymore, she can fight for herself”

“What do I do, then?”

Polly sighs.

“You can start by thinking what you want with her. You’re engaged Michael, you can’t run after your exes as if they haven’t stared at your fiancé. And once you get that figured out, just try your best at gaining her heart again”

That sounded ridiculously unrealistic to Michael.

“That girl loved you more than her little heart could. She cared for you” Polly emphasizes, “Keep that in mind when talking to her, when apologizing to her. Try to understand her side of the story. But, also, give her time... It’s only been, almost, 3 weeks since you got here”

Give you time. Understand your side. Apologize to you.

Cared for him, loved him.

All of those words made Michael’s chest heavy. He doesn’t know why, but he assumes it’s guilt or, even, regret.

(…)

“Y/N?” Lizzie’s voice sounds as you walk out of your car, “It is you!”

“It is me,” You say with a smile on your face, “Decided to come over to talk about the big night”

You walk over to the front door of Lizzie’s and Tommy’s home and the woman throws her arms around you as soon as you’re close enough.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” She asks when pulling away.

“I already slept a whole night, that’s good enough”

She shakes her head in disapproval, but her smile is still prominent in her face. She had seen you in yesterday’s meeting, but she didn’t even have the chance to talk to you. Especially not after what happened.

You follow her inside the house and one of the maids stops in her tracks to look over your familiar face and say a small ‘good morning, miss’.

“Would you like to eat breakfast with me?” Lizzie asks, “Tommy already left for work”

“Thank you, but I already had breakfast” A lie, “But we can talk while you eat”

Lizzie sends you a small smile and you walk back to the dining room, where she had been previously eating until she heard the motor of your car.

“The maids are dressing up the kids, so it might-”

“Y/N!” Charlie shouts from the doorway of the dining room, catching you both by surprise.

A smile spreads over your face as the small boy runs to you and you pick him up, letting him wrap his small arms around your neck as you hold him over you unbruised hip.

Lizzie smiles at the cute interaction between you two and takes back her seat at the table. You do the same, letting Charlie sit over your legs, but he doesn’t seem to think of letting you go any soon.

“You missed her, uh?” Lizzie asks the boy, making him nod in the crook of your neck.

You two laugh at him and Lizzie restarts her breakfast.

As you two begin a conversation, you help the maid with Charlie’s breakfast, since he doesn’t seem to be wanting to get off your lap. You pass him the piece of buttered toast and he takes it from your hand, munching on it as you have a conversation with his stepmom.

“Tommy talked about a tent?” Lizzie questions and you nod.

“Yeah, it’s where he wants everyone to sit and watch the dance” You confirm, “He did say that he wanted somewhere else for the food and the drinks. I wanted to ask you where, in the house, you think it would be okay for everyone to stay”

“Here?” Lizzie answers, “Do you think this room is big enough? I don’t even know how many people are coming”

“Around 30 to 40 people, I believe” You reply, “Counting with all of us too. But yeah, I think this is good for all those people”

“Great” Lizzie says with a small smile, sipping her orange juice.

The soft patter of smaller feet is heard from the hallways and you all turn to see Ruby walking in the room in front of a maid.

She smiles towards her mom and you and runs towards the table, excited to have her breakfast.

“Can me and Y/N ride the horses?” Charlie questions Lizzie, still biting onto his bread.

“Not sure, Charlie. Y/N needs to rest, she’s had some rough few days. Don’t you think it’s better if all of you just played in the garden? You can show her what you got for your birthday, if you’d like”

Charlie nods at her words with a smile, already excited to show you his new horse toy.

He leans into your chest as he eats his toast and you clench your jaw as his head lays right over your bruised collar bone.

“Do you already know the colour the women will have to wear on that night?” You ask Lizzie, curious to see her reaction.

“There’s a colour assigned for us?” She asks, lifting her eyebrows at you.

“Unfortunately.”

“Oh god, what is it?”

“Gold” You say with a smile and she opens her mouth dumbfounded.

She shakes her head in disgust and you can’t help but chuckle at her.

(…)

Hours later, your ass has grown painfully sore on the grass of Tommy and Lizzie’s garden. You have to admit that even with all this pain, you haven’t had this much fun with kids in a long time.

You missed this.

Ruby sits comfortably in between your legs as Charlie runs through the garden with his new horse toy in hand, acting as if the horse runs through the wind at his speed.

Lizzie talks to one of the maids as she looks out of the window to see you plant a kiss on top of Ruby’s head, making the small girl look up and smile at you. You smile back and look up at the energetic boy that keeps on running.

The sound of the doorbell is heard through the house and one of the maids is quick to walk over to the front door. She opens it and is greeted with the sight of Polly Gray, herself.

“Polly” Lizzie says with a smile, surprised to see the older woman.

“Hello, is Y/N here?”

“Yes, in the garden with the kids”

Polly almost sighs of relief and walks towards the black-haired woman. They stand next to each other as they greet one another, and both look out of the window to stare at you.

They grin at the sight of you talking to Charlie and play with Ruby’s hair, gasping dramatically while accepting the red flower he had just stolen from his stepmom’s rose bush.

“How is she doing?” Lizzie asks.

“Hanging in there” Polly answers, not taking her eyes off you.

“And Michael?”

“Finally waking up to the shit he has caused”

A smirk grows on Lizzie’s face and Polly takes her eyes off you to look at the woman beside her.

“Took him long enough” She comments, making Polly chuckle slightly.

You look over your shoulder once sensing eyes on you and you’re met with both Polly and Lizzie staring. Lizzie says something behind the window and almost in that same second a maid walks out of the house, walking towards you.

“Miss,” The maid calls out for you and the kids stop what they’re doing to look at you, “Mrs. Shelby asked for all of you to go back inside since it’s getting cold”

You nod and offer a small smile. The maid turns and walks back inside, you lift Ruby from your lap and try to bring yourself up from the soft ground without groaning in pain.

Charlie stretches his hand up at you and you take it into yours as you pick up Ruby and hold her on your hip. You three walk back inside the house and the warmth of the large house hits all of you as soon as you step in.

“Let’s go into the living room, we’ll drink some tea there” Lizzie says.

Charlie let’s go of your hand and follows Lizzie into the living room, probably expecting to find the usual cookies he gets to eat when she has her tea.

“You were supposed to be resting” Polly says as she reaches your side, “Your body is too weak to be walking around, especially in heels”

“I’m okay” You insist, offering a small smile too, “I’ll rest when I get home”

You two go into the living room and take a seat on the couch, where it’s way more comfortable than the grass outside, for sure.

Ruby turns on your lap so that she can lean back into your chest and Lizzie continues to open the small box that holds Charlie’s favourite cookies.

“Where’s your flower?” Charlie asks you before taking a bite out of his cookie.

“In my pocket, I have to keep it safe” You say before pulling the rose out of your pocket.

Polly smiles at the sight of the perfect flower.

“What a beautiful flower, Charlie” Lizzie compliments, making the small boy smile proudly.

“You like Y/N, don’t you, boy?” Polly asks him, making him snap his head at her.

“Of course, I do” He answers, making every woman chuckle at him, “She’s my best of friends”

The boy grabs another cookie from the box and turns around, taking a seat on the ground in front of all the ladies, and his stepsister, who is playing with the rings in your hand.

Lizzie starts a conversation between every grown up in the room and you listen silently. Sometimes getting distracted with Charlie and his ways to catch your attention.

You lean your chin against Ruby’s head and the small girl leans in closer.

Charlie, when bored, stands from the ground and walks towards you, pulling himself up the couch so he can sit between you and Polly.

You smile at him and he smiles back, snuggling into your side.

(…)

Michael leans against the cold hotel window, his naked skin erupting into chills at the change of temperature.

His head is still pounding over all the screaming that he had to listen to when coming into the room, and now his eyes plead to close, so they can bring him into the deep sleep he so needs.

Gina turns on the bed and he looks over at her, hating how she lays as if nothing happened.

Right as he made his way back inside the hotel suite, he was welcomed back by a screaming Gina who filled him with all the types of questions about his whereabouts. Obviously, not believing that he was just at his mom’s house.

His mother’s words have sunk into his brain, branding it with the horrible truth he has caused in your life.

Guilt heavies his shoulders and eats his morals away just enough to not let him close his eyes to fall asleep.

He regrets all he has done; all he has said to you. He wants to go back in time and stop him himself from doing what he did. To escape this outcome. To escape seeing you in pain. To escape not seeing you like he did before.

But, what about Gina?

- - - - - -

This part is very boring compared to the others, I know, but we needed a calm part for what’s about to happen (wink wink).

Taglist: @ohhersheybars​ @woodland-mist​ @onlythechicagoway​ @soleil-dor​ @finn-shelbys-bulldog​ @oh-theres-a-woman​ @peakyxtommy​ @ms-reader​ @beautycinders​ @lovemissyhoneybee​ @graceedwards​ @jadesbabylon​ @marvelismylifffe​ @a-dorky-book-keeper @peakascum​ @shanetoo​ @hufflemendes​ @cherrytop02​ @http-cherries​ @burnitup​ @livingforbarnes​ @iccyyyybitch​ @ravennaofasgard @carezzesuigraffi @fernweh-fangirl​ @hufflepeople​ @huskyhunny​ @desertgremlin​

If you’d like to be apart of the taglist, just comment on this post or send me a DM.

[dobbyjen]

Tiny Dancer

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x F!Reader 

Rating: M

Word Count: 1900

Warnings: some swearing, kisses, a tad of drinking, cute dad Frankie 

Summary: Frankie comes home just in time for his daughter’s dance recital

A/N: So I’ve never written a fic before so this is my first one. Grammar and all that crap is probably wrong but whatever. I am no writer at all. If anyone does read it please be nice. It was just a cute little idea that popped into my head because the world needs more dad Frankie fics. Might write something else in the future in this universe if anyone reads this. 

__________________________________________________________

“Mommy when daddy come?” your 3 year old pouts as you help her into her ballet outfit. You sigh and grab the 2 fuzzy yellow scrunchies off the bathroom counter and start parting her hair into two.

“I’m not sure Franny.” she frowns even more and wiggles are head out of your hands.

“I wike daddy do hair!” she screams and stomps her foot onto the bathroom tiles. You groan as you look into her teary big brown eyes. Frankie’s eyes. Frankie has been gone for 6 days and it was getting alot harder to deal with the mini Frankie. Francesca Morales was the splitting image of her father. Looks and personality wise. And she was the BIGGEST daddy’s girl. She’d been wrapped around his finger the second she came out. 

“Daddy should be home soon and then you can show him pictures of how beautiful you look today.” her frown gets a tad smaller and she scoots back in between your legs for you to do her hair. “Maybe if you do your pretty toes so well we can get a treat after the recital?” you barely have time to tighten the last scrunchie as she whips around and crushes your neck into a hug.

“Yay mommy! Get pupcakes?! I so good at pwetty toes!” she skips around the bathroom practicing her pretty toes as you finish packing her little purple dinosaur backpack.

“Of course princess. Let’s get going before we’re late.”

__________________________________________________________

“Frankie you said you were done with this shit! I’m going to personality kick Pope’s ass.” you huff as you plop down on the bed. Frankie sighs and comes over, bending between you legs.

“It will be 3 days...max babe. We need the money. I’m doing this for you and Francesca.”

“Frankie...i swear to god if you don’t come home...i...i don’t know...”

“Hey hey hey everything is gonna be okay. Pope said there’s no way this can go wrong. It’s go in, get the money and we’re out home free. I promise.”

__________________________________________________________

“Do you want me to wait here in case she throws you out?” Pope snickers as he pulls up outside the Morales house. Frankie glares at Pope and smacks his hat off his head.

“Fuck off. If anything she’s gonna kick your ass.” Frankie mumbles as he gets out of the truck and runs up the front porch. He twists the doorknob and whacks his head on the door as he realizes its locked. “What the....” Frankie panics for a minute wondering why its locked. They only just moved into the house 2 months ago and hadn’t gotten around to getting a spare key hidden. Frankie wracks his brain for why you wouldn’t be home. There’s no way you left with Francesca was there? “Hey what day is it?” Frankie yells back to Pope who is still sitting in his truck.

“Uhhhh...Sunday June 12th?” Pope yells back and Frankie feels like he just got slapped in the face.

“FUCK!” Frankie yells and runs back into Pope’s truck. “Drop me off at the civic centre NOW.”

“What why? They’re not home?” Pope sputters as he rips the truck into drive.

“Today is Franny’s first dance recital and i think it already started. Fuck she’s defiantly gonna kill me now.”

__________________________________________________________

Pope doesn’t even have time to put the truck into park before Frankie is jumping out and running through the doors of the civic centre. He stops as he reads the sign looking for the room with the dance recital. Auditorium 5. He runs down the hallway and stops when he sees a table selling flowers.

“How much for all of them.” Frankie huffs as he grabs outs his wallet. The young boy stares at Frankie with a gaping mouth.

“Uhhhh.....they're’ a-a dollar a-a fl-flower sir.” Frankie nods and throws him a 10. The boy swallows his nerves and hands Frankie a bouquet of rainbow roses. Frankie murmurs a thanks and sneaks into auditorium 5. There’s no seats available so he just stands against the back wall. There’s a group of 2 year olds on stage at the moment attempting a hip hop routine and Frankie chuckles to himself thinking of how Franny would look hopping around to the upbeat music. He looks down at the program and sees that her group is next.

The hip hop group run off the stage and the crowd cheers for them. Two young girls come out and take away the previous props and set out 8 pairs of yellow pom poms. Walking on Sunshine starts to play as the 8 little girls coming skipping out to find their spots. Frankie’s face begins to hurt from smiling so much as he spots Francesca. Wearing her yellow dance onesie and yellow tutu with her hair up in two messy pigtails. She does the little 2 minute routine so well Frankie can feel his eyes welling up with tears. Fuck he’s proud of her. This is why he needed to get home. He couldn’t fathom missing another experience like this. You and Francesca were the reason he kept pushing though the hard days. You both were his entire world.

__________________________________________________________

The recital comes to an end and all the parents wait around in the main foyer waiting for their little dancer to come out. 

Frankie fidgets with the bouquet of flowers in his hands as he looks around the crowd for a glimpse of you. He looks down at his watch and panics that he missed you guys and you went home, until......

“DADDY?!!!” You look up startled by your daughter’s random outburst and Frankie spins around as he hears his little girl screaming. He drops to his knees as Francesca comes flying into his arms. Frankie wraps his one arm around her small body and cradles her head with his hand and holds her close to him. The flowers drop to the ground long forgotten.

“Hi princess. I missed you so much. You did so good with all your twirls.” he whispered to her, smothering her head with kisses. She giggles uncontrollably and moves her head to kiss Frankie’s face all over as well. Making sure she kissed away the couple of tears away that snuck out. “These flowers are for you Fran.” Frankie smiles and puts the giant bouquet in her tiny arms.

“Woooow!! Mommy look!” Franny squeals and Frankie finally looks up and is met with your tear filled eyes. He stands with Franny in his arms and walks over to you.

“Hi.” he whispers. You gasp as you wrap your arms around the both of them. Frankie sighs as he buries his face into you hair, breathing in your scent. Fuck he missed this.

“W-when did you get back?” you sniffle and pull back to look into his brown eyes. Francesca looked between her parents confused and pawed at both their faces to dry their tears. Frankie chuckled at her gesture and tickled her side a bit making his favourite sound ring through his ears. A very high pitched giggle.

“Uhh...like 2 hours ago? I stopped at home first and then realized what day it was. I won’t miss this day for the world.”

“You shaved.” You said as you rubbed your hands over his bare jaw. You don’t think you’ve ever seen his face this bare before. You loved his patchy beard so dearly but you could probably get used to this face as well.

“Daddy no more pokey.” Franny scrunched up her face and placed a sloppy kiss to his cheek. You both laugh.

“Do you like it love?” Frankie questions.

“As long as your home and safe that’s all that matters to me.” you whisper as you lean in to kiss his lips.

“Ew yucky kisses!!” Franny squeals as she pushes your faces apart. Frankie chuckles as he moves his kisses to all over his daughter face. “Mommy we get pupcakes now?”

“Mommy promised you cupcakes?” Franny nods her head and Frankie looks towards his wife.

“Well i guess you did do an amazing job princess and i did promise this morning. She barely let me do her hair. Wanted you to do it.” you said rolling your eyes at Frankie. Frankie chuckled as you all walked out to the parking lot. 

“I mean i would have done a way better job.” you rolled your eyes yet again and smacked his shoulder lightly as you unlocked Frankie’s truck. Frankie buckled Franny into her car seat and then shut the door. He turned and grabbed you in a bone crushing hug. “I’m so sorry it took so long love. Nothing went as planned and we didn’t even get the money. And I-I dont...”

“Frankie stop. You don’t have to talk about it right now. Let’s go get our little ballerina a cupcake k?” Frankie smiles and captures your lips in one last kiss. “I love you to the moon and back.”

“I love you to the moon and back even more.”

__________________________________________________________

“I think she finally crashed” Frankie says as he grabs a beer from the fridge and plops down next to you on the couch taking a big swig.

“I swear to god if she doesn’t sleep through the night again I’m gonna...ugghh” You mumble into your wine glass. 

Frankie turns towards you and raises an eyebrow. “She hasn’t been sleeping?”

“Umm not since you’ve left. She wakes up around 2:30 every night crying for you. So i bring her into bed and she sleeps on your pillow with one of your shirts. It soothes her back to sleep. She also naps with one of shirts.” You sigh and look away from him, blinking back the tears. Frankie frowns, puts his beer on the coffee table and grabs your wine glass too. 

“Cmere.....i’m so sorry i left babe. I didn’t mean for it to be so hard for you. I’m never leaving again.” You cry into his side as he rubs his hand through your hair.

“What-what happened Frankie....I know you’re not okay. You don’t just disappear off the face of the earth for a week. Pope said it was going to be okay....I wouldn’t have let you go if...”

Frankie shudders and looks up at the ceiling trying to blink the tears away. You sit up and grab his face gently in your hands, forcing him to look at you.

“I’ve got you honey. Whenever you want to talk i’m here.” you give a small reassuring smile and wipe the silent tears falling down his face. That breaks Frankie. He begins to sob and explain the terrible events of the last week. You hold him and listen. 

When he’s finished you both just lay on the couch holding each other.

“When- when we lost Tom....all i thought about was you and Francesca and how I needed to get home. I swear to god I am never doing anything like that again. Pope said the money should free up by Wednesday so we’ll be good for a while. Will and I were thinking of opening up a shop, keep is busy for a while. I’m never leaving you guys ever again. We can take Franny to the shelter next week and she can pick out her dog finally.”

You giggle at the dog comment. That little girl has been asking for a dog the second she could talk and Uncle Benny put that idea into her head. “She’d really like that. And i’m also still kicking Pope’s ass next time I see him.”

Frankie laughs and kisses you head “Oh babe I’ve already warned him.”

__________________________________________________________

[loverholland]

Bestie Peter decides to surprise you on a night out patrolling but when he gets to your window, he overhears you on the phone talking about some guy (it's you telling your bestie about Peter but he doesn't know) and then he asks about it and you confess?!

sorry for improper grammar and capitalization, it's late and i'm on my phone

a normal tuesday night always consisted of Peter's patrol. he would go and get a sandwich from his favorite sub shop, a slush ie and a water. 6.50. he'd go back to his apartment and change into his suit. then he'd sneak out. he always brought his backpack and made sure to keep it at his "secret-but-not-so-secret" hide out. he always brought it just in case he has some off time and can do homework. he'd patrol from 7:30-4am typically and if he wasn't, he had eyes out to let him know. not super effective, but he got to actually sleep sometimes so it works for him.

but tonight was particularly slow. nothing much was happening and he had done all of his homework, Aunt May was on a date and Ned had Betty over. Two of his go to people were going to fuck tonight and he was on patrol. he could shake his head at the thought, disgusted at the thought of all of that. but he knew that y/n didn't have anything going on for the night. they had mentioned it at lunch today and that's when it his. Peter could surprise y/n. of course, they might be upset after, but he'll deal with that when the time comes. but he loved the idea, so from the queens bank, he swung north and towards the apartment building that y/n lived in.

it takes him maybe 10 minutes to the get to their fire escape. they had a few plants out on it, toad and toadert, some sort of big plant. Peter hung for a moment to catch his breath before bringing his body up and over the railing. he stood there for a moment, looking thru the window that was partially open and a sheer curtain over it. peter removed his mask and smiled as he watched them pace their room, a hand in their hair.

they were on the phone with someone and it sounded like a private conversation but peter couldn't help but to listen to their words. they sounded so in love... and it's not with him. at that very moment, he felt his heart completely break in half and stomped on. he knew that he was in love with them, always has. he always thought they felt the same way - sharing longing gazes, soft touches, quiet words. he's seen the way they look at one another. he might've over thought it, maybe? but nonetheless.

"no, like, he's really sweet, marianne. i promise, i've known him for like... ever." they giggled and threw their head back. Peter took a step back, putting on his mask. "i think i'm in love with him, mari. like seriously."

Peter's eyes weld up with hot tears. he bit his lip and turned his back before shooting out a web to a building close by and swinging away.

he immediately went to his hide out, packed his things and then went home. he sent a text to his big crew group chat and went home. he didn't want to be seen. he didn't want to talk to anyone. he just wanted to be alone to feel this heartbreak alone. it wasn't like it was his first, god no. but it hurt worse. he couldn't even believe how bad it hurt. it felt like his heart was a piano string and every time it played, the strings snapped.

as soon as he was home, he stripped and got in bed. not daring to look at his phone or his room which was surrounded in y/n's things. peter snuggled into his blankets and sobbed. tears running down his eyes endlessly and his chest heaved into itself. he was like that for what felt like hours before he finally fell asleep, softly snoring into the wet fabric. finally at peace for a minute. a moment in time where he is able to rest and that's what he did. peter rested up until 4:27am, when a knock sounded from his window. he woke up instantly, ready to fight anyone and everyone at his window. but with closer inspection, he noticed the bright blue hoodie and necklaces that he knew far too well.

y/n. fucking hell.

peter scrambled to grab a pair of pants before he unlocked and slide open the window, allowing y/n into his bedroom. they looked exhausted and they threw their hands up over their head to catch a few breaths.

"what the fuck!" peter whisper shouted.

"i could say the same to you."

"what do you mean?"

y/n scoffed. "seriously? you say that you can't patrol because something "came up" and then you don't answer you phone for what? 6 hours or something?"

"i'm sorry, i just... wasnt felling well and fell asleep when i got home."

"liar. you were crying."

"i was not!"

"petey, babe," ouch. "i can see that your eyes are swollen. your voice is hoarse. i know you like the back of my hand, i know when it's not just feeling ill."

peter stared at them, his red eyes stinging every time he blinked. he wanted to cry all over again as the heartbreak filled his mind and heart again. without a single thought, peter asked them the age old question.

"who were you talking about?" peter asked, voice trembling.

"what?"

"i... came to surprise you and you were on the phone and i didn't mean to listen to your conversation with mari but your window was open and i was just there and i just heard. i didn't mean to but..." peter sniffled. "who was it about?"

y/n took a moment to take in the rambles and in that moment, peter's eyes screwed shut and tears began to fall. his fists balling as he tried to stop himself.

"petey," y/n started, taking one of his balled up hands and releasing it before intertwining their fingers together. "it was you. it was about you, baby."

"it..." peter started, a sob releasing. in a weird way he needed to let it go. relief washed over him and y/n wrapped their arms around peter's body.

"it was about you. i love you." she soothed. "i cant picture a life without you. i think about you all the time. i miss you all the time. i just want to be with you."

peter's breathing calmed and he blinked for a moment, looking down at them. they offered a small smile, that he tried to return. so many thoughts ran through his head.

"i love you." peter stated, leaning down and kissing them for the first time. it wasn't the longest kiss, but it was sweet, tender and filled with love. peter wished he could have had that kiss for a second longer, but they pulled back laughing.

"you're all snotty." they giggled. "but i love you." they pecked his lips before pulling him to the bed. "let's sleep."

ask box 🌙

[elizabeethan]

Spaces Between Us Chapter 6: History

The hardships of real life separated them six years ago, and Emma has been struggling to put that fact behind her ever since. But then, only after she’s convinced herself that she’s moved on and that her new life is enough, Killian Jones comes back.

A Captain Swan Modern AU

***Brief mentions of past physical and emotional abuse and alcohol abuse. Brief mentions of death/loss/grief.***

Reminder that more tags will apply to later chapters and i’ll put warnings where they're necessary, but if you have any concerns or questions feel free to message me!

Weekly updates will be on Tuesdays! (probably)

This chapter is dedicated to AnaSmallGrace because they guessed the title/chapter titles correctly lol.

Thank you, as usual, to my beta and friend @the-darkdragonfly​, and to @donteattheappleshook​ and @xhookswenchx​ for listening to my ramblings and helping me figure out the plot to this <3

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~~~~

She didn’t mean to fall asleep, but when she stirs at the feeling of soft lips pressing damp kisses down her spine, meeting each vertebrae as his fingers tickle against her ribs, she realizes she hasn’t slept this soundly in years. He murmurs, “good morning,” against her skin and she groans in response. 

 “More sleep,” she whines into the plush pillow. 

 “What time do you need to pick up Henry?” 

 She presses up onto her elbows with a start, frantically looking around the room for some indication as to what time it is. “12:30,” she tells him, looking back with wide, anxious eyes. 

 He smiles and says, “worry not, love. It’s only just after 10.” He slides up along her body until he can lie beside her and smooth out her hair, kissing her nose gently. “I just wanted to make sure you’d have enough time.”

 Breathing out a sigh of relief, she nods and collapses back down on the bed, her face pressed into the pillow. She isn’t sure when they ended up beneath the blankets, but she fell asleep so quickly that she’s sure he could’ve easily moved her without her noticing. “Okay,” she sighs. “Thank you.”

 “For what?” he asks with a smirk, and she returns it in kind, rolling onto her side so that she’s facing him and able to see the brilliance in his eyes. 

 “A few things, I guess,” she starts. “Waking me up, making me come so hard that I basically passed out… loving me…” She trails off but can easily see that her point is well taken. 

 He’s silent for a beat, appearing to be entranced by her words as he gently traces his fingers along her temple and down her cheek, across her neck until he reaches her shoulder and cups it with his hand. “I know we said that we would talk about this later, but… Well, I don’t intend to let you go again, Emma.” 

She feels tears pricking at the backs of her eyes and she blinks hard, trying to hold them in. But for the second time today, she isn’t crying because she’s scared or in pain or hopelessly depressed. It’s because she believes him. She trusts him and knows that he means what he says wholeheartedly. 

 So she curls further onto her side, snuggling close to him and pressing her bare body to his as he wraps his arms around her and holds her in a warm, comforting embrace. She isn’t sure what she can say about the position they’ve found themselves in. It’s not as if she can leave her husband now, despite how she might want to, because she knows what he’s capable of. She thinks that now that they’ve had the conversation about Henry, he’s even more likely to use that against her and keep him from her if she were to try and leave him. And no matter how she feels about Walsh or Killian or even herself, Henry will always be her first priority. 

 Killian seems to be able to read her shift in mood, so he gently suggests, “let me make you breakfast. If the way your stomach was screaming in your sleep is any indication, I’d assume you haven’t eaten yet today.” 

 She sighs, laughing just a bit, and nods against his chest, feeling his coarse hair tickling her cheek. “Don’t you have to go to work?”

 “Not until 1.”

 With a contented hum, she smiles up at him and playfully says, “plenty of time to get your story straight. Ruby warned me that she’d be bothering you all night for details.” 

 “Details… bloody hell, woman, tell me you didn’t go to Ruby for my address.” 

 She giggles as his fingers brush along her waist, trailing from her hip to her ribs and back down again. “I needed the damn train!” 

 “Aye, the damn train,” he says with feigned irritation as he kisses the tip of her nose. “Heaven forbid the lad is without his train for a few hours,” he jokes.

 “I didn’t want to go home,” she says with more honesty and seriousness, a blush creeping up her cheeks and down her chest. “And once I had an excuse to see you, well…” 

 He hums thoughtfully and kisses her softly. “I know what you mean.”

 “I guess I didn’t expect our meeting to end like this, not that I'm complaining.”

 He laughs against her mouth and nods before murmuring, “let me make you breakfast, aye?” 

 With a nod and a happy sigh, and asks, “can I use your shower quick? I’d rather not smell like sex when I pick up my kid from kindergarten.” 

 Another kiss later, he says, “of course, love. I’d be happy to provide some support in there as well; I know sometimes that temperature valve can be difficult to navigate.”

 She sits up in bed, taking the thin sheet with her to cover her breasts, and turns to face him. “I’m sure it can be. You really did a number on me, too. I’m so exhausted that I might need some help soaping up.” 

 He smirks and raises a brow, watching as she stands and growling as he chases her into the bathroom. 

 ~~~~

 She’s glad that it’s the middle of the morning on a Monday, because that means his neighbors hopefully aren’t home and weren’t able to hear the rather noisy shower they took. Surely the sounds coming out of her were traveling through the pipes, but she couldn’t exactly keep quiet while he fucked her against the wall of the shower. 

 She’s also not sure how she’ll go on with her day when he keeps planting kisses to her neck as he stands behind her, holding her hips while she tries her damndest to flip the pancakes before they burn. “You've gotta stop,” she groans, panting as his fingers slide around her front and trace the zipper of her jeans. 

 “But you’re so irresistible,” he murmurs. 

 “I don’t have time to shower again.” 

 He hums against her neck, licking along the sensitive spot just below her ear, and says, “you don't have to leave for an hour.” 

 “Killian…” she giggles. “Grab me a plate.” 

 He does, holding it out for her so that she can place the pancakes on it before he presses a tender kiss on her cheek and says, “thank you, love.” She hums in question and he responds, “I believe I promised you breakfast, and here you are preparing it.” 

 “Well,” she shrugs, taking her own plate and carrying it to his small table. “I am a mother now. Breakfast foods are my specialty. Henry’s particularly fond of scrambied eggies.” 

 “I’m sure they're delicious,” he nods, smiling as he pours syrup over his pancakes and then offers it to her. “He’s quite the character.” 

 With a smile, she says, “my pride and joy. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

 “I can imagine,” he smiles back. He cuts into the pancake with his fork and takes a bite, humming and smiling around them at her. “Is he… is he why you stay?” 

 With a gulp and a bite of her own, if only so that she can avoid answering for a moment longer, she nods. “Walsh doesn’t want much to do with him, but he’s spiteful. He would keep him from me just because he can. He thinks he has to maintain his perfect family image if he has any hopes for reelection” 

 He’s silent for a moment, and she can see the way he bites the inside of his cheek to try and keep quiet. “Aye,” he finally says. “I suppose there isn’t much I can say about staying with someone who isn’t good for you.” 

 She’s surprised that he’s bringing this up, but supposes it had to be addressed at some point. “In your case, it was going back to that person.” 

 “I didn’t feel I had much of a choice.” 

 “I know. I wanted you to stay and you didn’t want to hear it. It’s okay.” 

 “I heard you, love,” he argues. “I just… I had to go.” 

 “Then how can you say you heard me?” She takes another bite, trying to remain calm and keep this a discussion rather than an argument. “I wanted you to stay for your own good, Killian. He was abusive to you your whole life; you didn’t owe him anything.” 

 She hasn’t thought about this in detail in years, but is brought back to one of their final conversations easily. “Liam died,” he says by way of explanation, and she nods. It’s impossible to not be empathetic for his loss, but six years ago when he impulsively decided to take his late brother’s place and care for their dying father despite how badly he’d abused his sons, she lost it. 

 “I know. I’m sorry.” 

 “Don’t be.” 

 “What happened to Brennan?” 

 “He died,” he says casually, with little obvious emotion surrounding his father’s death. “Last year. And… well, you were right. I couldn’t handle it; I drank the whole time I was there. I felt sorry for myself-- I had lost Liam, I lost you… I couldn’t handle it.” 

 She puts her fork down and takes his hand, although he refuses to look up from his plate. “Killian, alcoholism runs in your family.” 

 “I know. And after I found out how Liam died… I don't know. I-- I’ll be honest, Swan, I wanted you to come with me so badly; I resented you for not coming.”

 In surprise, she says, “Killian, I couldn't condone what you were doing. I know how much it hurt to know that Liam was drunk driving, when you thought he was your perfect older brother. I know you felt like you had to take his place as the prodigal son. But Brennan abused the two of you your whole lives. I couldn’t let you go back to him after what he’d done to you; he didn’t deserve it and neither did you.” 

 “I know that, looking back.”

 His father must’ve died a slow and painful death if he’d only passed away a year ago. Cirrhosis of the liver is bad enough, and when he refused to stop drinking despite his prognosis, Killian became enraged. He refused to speak to his father, and lashed out at his brother who saw it as his duty to care for the dying man despite years of torturous abuse. She thought he had his head on his shoulders when she found out how angry he was with Liam for caring for their father when he deserved the opposite. 

 But then, Liam died. Killian had no idea that his brother struggled with alcoholism just as his father had, as it was easy to hide from across an ocean. But when he found out that his brother, the man he idolized endlessly, died as a result of driving drunk, he spiraled and became someone she hardly recognized. He began drinking himself, although not quite enough to be concerning, and eventually determined that, in order to do right by his brother, he had to take his place in caring for their father. 

 She couldn’t watch him destroy himself for the man he hated. So she gave him an ultimatum, and he chose his path. 

 He didn’t choose her. 

 “When Liam died, you lost yourself,” she says, explaining her thoughts to herself as much as she is to him. “I wanted to help you find yourself again but you wouldn’t let me. I just couldn’t sit and watch you go back to that life of abuse; even if he was too weak to hit you or burn you with his cigarettes, I’m sure he got on just fine with the verbal abuse.”

 “How is that any different from me letting you go back home to your husband with that bloody bruise on your wrist? I’m sure he isn’t any kinder to you than my father was to me.” he argues, and she's taken aback, her eyes widening. 

 “Don’t throw that in my face,” she returns. “I don’t have a choice just like you thought you didn’t. Only I have a son to think about.” 

 He sighs and finally looks up at her. “I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I just… I don't know. I regret leaving every day, and I have since the moment I boarded that damn plane. The moment I shut the door to our apartment. But sometimes I can't help but think, if I hadn’t, perhaps you wouldn’t have your boy.”

 She nods, and in her refusal of his past suspicions, she says, “I wouldn’t.” 

 “But perhaps you also wouldn’t have your husband.” 

 She nods again. She doesn’t blame him, and she tries not to blame herself either, but he’s right. If he hadn’t left, she wouldn’t have gone out a month later and slept with the first guy who looked at her. So, again, she says more sadly, “I wouldn’t.” 

 “Double edged sword, I suppose.” 

 She smiles sadly and nods. There’s silence between them for a few moments before she considers what they've been through, where he’s been, and asks, “if he died a year ago, what… how did you find me?”

 He shrugs and blushes. “I didn’t mean to, actually. I came back to Boston looking for you and had no such luck. Then one night I ran into Elsa at a bar and she told me you were gone, that you left years ago, right after I did, and… I don't know. Something broke in me and I quit drinking-- for the most part. I decided I had to leave Boston and took the first job I could find, and it happened to be here.” 

 She gives him a small smile and asks, “did you intend to try and win me back?” 

 “Yes, absolutely.” 

 His serious tone in response to her joking one is surprising, but she knows he’s telling the truth. She knows he would've been successful, too, if she’d been single when they met again. Hell, he’s successful now.

 “I can’t leave him yet, Killian. I want to, but it’s not… I need to put Henry first.” 

 “I know,” he says sadly. 

 “But that doesn’t mean… I mean…” she sighs. “Just-- I know this is selfish of me to ask of you but, well, I never-- Killian, I never got over you,” she gulps. “I have every intention of leaving him when I can and when I know that it’s safe to do so. And when I do… I mean, I was hoping--”

 “Emma,” he interrupts, taking her hand. “I love you. I told you already, I don't intend to lose you again. I want to build the life with you that we’ve always planned on having. Just… Now, there's a little lad involved, as well.” 

 With tears in her eyes, she meets his and says, “even though he isn’t yours?” 

 “He’s yours. That’s enough for me.” She grins at him and stands, leaning over the table until she meets his lips in a soft, meaningful kiss. “But Emma, love, you’ve got to promise me that you’ll stay safe. If he hurts you again, or if he tries to hurt the boy…” 

 “He won't. He isn’t usually like that, he won't do it again. And he’d have to pay attention to Henry in order to be any threat to him.” 

 “Swan…” 

 “I love you, too.”

 He laughs lightly and kisses her once more. “Of all the ways I imagined us being together again, an extramarital affair wasn’t on the list.” 

 She giggles, cradling his head in her hands, and says, “it’s kinda hot, though.” 

 With a soft scoff and a shake to his head, he rolls his eyes and kisses her chastely before standing up and taking her empty plate. “Come,” he says, “we need to come up with whatever story I’m going to be feeding Ruby all night.”

 ~~~~

 “It’s so beautiful, Emma,” Mary Margaret coos as she shows her photos of the house they’ll be renting in just a few weeks time. “When David suggested we get away, I was just so excited.” 

 “It’s lovely,” she nods, smiling softly up at her sister as she picks at her salad. 

 “Mommy, I need more cheppy.” 

 “Ketchup, bub. Here.” 

 Henry hums happily as he dips his nuggets into the ketchup, making animated sounds as each dinosaur perishes as he takes a bite. 

 “You’ve hardly touched your lunch,” her sister complains after a moment, looking at her nearly full plate in disappointment. “Are you feeling okay?” 

 “I’m fine,” she says back. “I just had a late breakfast.” 

 Mary Margaret screws up her face in surprise and says, “you never eat breakfast.” 

 She shrugs. “Well, today I did.” 

 “What did you have, mommy? Cheeries, like me?”

 “You had Cheerios, my love. I had pancakes.” 

 “Pancakes?! I want pancakes! You never let me have pancakes on a school day!”

 “You must've been in a good mood if you decided to make yourself pancakes.” 

 Emma shoots her sister a discerning look, furrowing her brows, and shrugs. “Maybe I was.” 

 “That’s new,” she says, laughing when Emma tosses her napkin at her. “I’m sorry, but come on,” she laughs. “You’ve been miserable for months. What’s changed?” 

 “Nothing,” she mumbles immediately. “Oh, Henry, I got your train. Here you go.” 

 With wide eyes, he gasps in excitement and snatches it from her, hugging it to his chest. “You found Tommy! Thank you, mommy! Where was he?” 

 “Was Tommy missing?” 

 “Mommy left him in her coat and then she lost it,” he snitches. 

 “Wasn’t that the coat you wore out? You didn’t leave it at the bar, did you?” 

 She lets her jaw hang open just a bit too long before shaking her head and explaining, lying, “no, uh, I was… ya know…” she says, giving her sister a knowing look. “A little out of my head when I got home that night. Forgot where I put it.” 

 Mary Margaret hums and nods her head before saying, “you know, I think I saw the sheriff there that night.”

 Henry gasps again, his gray eyes wider than she’s ever seen them, and asks, “mommy, do you know the sheriff?”

 She gulps again, choking on her breath, and says, “yeah, I do.” 

 “You do?” her sister asks, and she wants to kick her under the table. 

 “Yes, Henry,” she says pointedly. “The sheriff and I are friends. How were your chicken nuggets?” 

 “They’re dinosaur-ies.” 

 “Dinosaurs.” 

 “Yeah.”

 She smiles at him fondly and says, “I love you,” before she can stop the words from slipping past her lips. 

 He smiles back at her and returns, “I love you too, mommy. Are you okay?”

 “I’m fine, baby. I just wanted you to know that I love you.” 

 Based on the way her sister is staring at her, she thinks she may have made a mistake opening her mouth. 

 “Are we going to get Leo?” 

 “Yeah,” she laughs. “Auntie M’s, are we going to go get Leo?” 

 She hums and picks up her plate, grabbing Emma's as well and shaking her head at how much salad is left. “I’m sure we should. Ashley is probably sick of him by now.” 

 ~~~~

 Arriving at the station should feel like any other day, but when he walks in, Ruby smirks at him. And he’s just about had it before he even gets to his office.

 “Morning, sheriff,” she says salaciously, wriggling her brows. 

 “It’s 1 pm.” 

 “Right.” 

 “What?” 

 She shrugs and giggles to herself, looking back at her computer screen with wide eyes and a hidden smile. ”How’s your friend?” 

 “Ruby,” he starts, groaning as he tosses his keys onto his desk, sitting down forcefully and dropping his head onto his forearms. 

 She follows him into his office, despite him desperately hoping she won’t, and places a printed sheet of paper onto his desk. 

 “What’s this?” he asks, picking it up and staring at the sheet that makes no sense. 

 “Something I found while I was bored today. My boss made me work a double.” 

 “Ruby,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Sometimes you just have to work a double. I’m sorry, but when you're the only deputy, it sort of comes with the territory. What did you find?”

 “Yeah, whatever,” she rolls her eyes. “Look at the name on the account.” 

 He looks down at the sheet she’s given him and, at the top corner, sees a name. Walsh Oswald.

 Bloody hell.

 “How’d you get this?”

 She ignores him, giving him a look that tells him that perhaps he doesn’t want to know. “That’s a lot of money,” she remarks obviously, nodding towards the printout. He isn't sure how she got access to his transfer records, but he must admit, he’s impressed, despite the fact that it’s likely inadmissible. Either way, it’s a start.  

 “Aye. Where does it come from?”

 “I don't know. But I have a feeling we should do some police work.” 

~~~~

~~~~

[fi0r3]

A Beautiful Dream

Warning(s): profanity, death, suicide, overdosing on pills

Pairing ⇾ Oikawa x F!Reader

Genre ⇾ fluff to angst, oneshot

WC ⇾ 1.17k

AN ⇾ This is the first time I’ve ever written a story so uhm if it sucks sorry, but I hope you enjoy :D 

“Y/n...y/nnn… you have to wake up.”

It was a morning like any other. You had slept past your alarm and your boyfriend had to wake you up. You had an interview today for the job you applied for 2 weeks ago and you needed to be punctual. Of course, instead of sleeping at a regular time, you had decided to stay up and binge-watch your favorite show until 3 am. 

“Y/n!” Oikawa screamed into your ear. The scream finally jolted you awake.

“Tōru, what the hell was that for?” you asked, clearly upset because your peaceful slumber was rudely interrupted. “Did you forget that you have a job interview today?” he responded. “Oh, shit-.” You quickly hopped out of bed and scrambled to get the clothes you planned out the night before and rushed to the bathroom. You glance at the clock to check if you had enough time to get ready and eat before you leave. “Okay, I have at least an hour and thirty minutes,” you thought to yourself. 

~-~-~-~ 30 minutes later ~-~-~-~

After rushing to dry and style your hair and putting on your clothes, you finally met Oikawa in the kitchen who had prepared a simple breakfast. Although you had lived with each other for over a year now, he never failed to make the butterflies in your stomach flutter. You walk over and take your place across from him after giving him a quick peck on the lips.

“Thank you for the breakfast,” you say with a joyful smile.

“Of course princess,” he responds. “Today’s a big day for you so I want to make sure you have enough energy.” 

Both of you quickly dig in before the food gets cold and enjoy this peaceful moment with each other before you have to leave. After you finish eating you brush your teeth and gather your things. 

“I’ll probably be finished with the interview by 12.” “You want me to grab us something for lunch?” you asked. 

“Sure babe that’d be great.” 

Before you leave the apartment, Oikawa rushes over to your side and pulls you into a tight hug. “Good luck today,” he whispers to you. You give a light chuckle as a response and thank him. “Don’t destroy the apartment while I’m gone.” You give him another kiss before walking out of the apartment. He smiles to himself as you leave and goes back to doing the dishes.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You had finally finished the interview and went to go get lunch for you and your boyfriend. You had placed an order from your favorite restaurant and were on the way to pick up your order. Along the way, you passed by one of Oikawa’s favorite bakeries and decided to go in and buy his beloved milk bread. Oikawa usually spoils you with little gifts every once in a while. It’d range from some of your favorite flowers or just something you needed to buy but didn’t get the chance to. You wanted to be on the giving end rather than the receiving end this time. You loved seeing his infatuating smile so you were excited to go home and see his reaction. 

You arrived at the restaurant and grabbed the food and headed home. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“Baaaabe, I’m back,” you called out. “Tōru? You there?”

You were confused at the lack of response. He’d usually come running up and engulf you in a warm hug when you come home. But you decided not to think much about it. “Maybe he was taking a nap.” You hung up your coat and went into the kitchen to set up the food. After everything was plated you went into the bedroom to go get Oikawa. 

Upon walking in you noticed how eerily dark it was. The sun was shining through the living room windows so you were perplexed at the darkness that encapsulated the room. You turned around to close the door, but when you turned back you were no longer in the bedroom.  The darkness had completely taken over and it was all you could see. You were slightly scared. You hoped that this was just a nightmare and that at any moment you would hear the sweet voice of Oikawa calling you to wake up. You closed your eyes hoping that once you opened them you would see his fluffy brown hair and gorgeous brown eyes in front of you. However, you were still greeted by the darkness except for this time something was laying on the floor. You slowly walked towards it hoping that it wasn’t something bad. 

As you neared closer to the weird figure on the ground, your heart started to beat faster. You were breaking out in a sweat and your breath was shaky. The closer you approached, the more the darkness receded and your surroundings started to look familiar. You were outside of your apartment on the streets. There was a crowd of people looking in the middle of the street. You went to the crowd and peered over someone’s shoulder. You see a familiar figure on the ground, covered in blood, unconscious, and your heart sank. Your vision became blurry and you felt a tear stream down your face. 

You push through the crowd and quickly rush to your boyfriend’s side. You were shaking uncontrollably. Your heart ached to see your love in this condition. It pained you that you couldn’t do anything to save him. All you could do was hug his lifeless body and cry out in agony wishing that this was a horrible nightmare. “This isn’t real” you repeated in your head over and over again. Suddenly, you feel movement in your arms. You feel his arm caress your head as he whispered, “y/n, it’s time to wake up.”

Your eyes shot open. You once again awakened from your deep slumber. You turn to the side to see the empty spot in the bed that your boyfriend once occupied. A room once filled with the warm sensations of love now turned cold and dark. You stare at the empty spot thinking about all the mornings you’d wake up to see the bright smile from Oikawa. It had been 6 months since he passed away and his presence still lingers throughout the apartment. You had lost all motivation to do anything. You hadn’t felt happiness since then. You shut everyone out and locked yourself in the apartment reminiscing over all the memories and reliving the same hellish nightmare. 

You finally stood up from your bed and walked towards the dresser that held your sleeping pills. Your doctor had prescribed them to you since you had trouble sleeping after the incident. You were so fed up with all the pain. You wanted to stop. You wanted to be in his arms once again and see his playful smile and to be called his princess.

You take a glance at yourself in the mirror before emptying the entire bottle of pills in your hands.

“I’ll see you in my dreams again love.” 

[muilkyu]

Treasure vs Sleepy Girlfriend

🐷 Hyunsuk 

The lights to your room are cut on as soon as your alarm rings. Hyunsuk is up stretching already when you turn around squinting due to the obnoxiously bright light. 

"Turn the light off," you grumble, flipping around to escape the lights. 

He shuffles to your side of the bed sitting down on the edge, "Come on it's time for us to get ready." 

"No," you whine pulling the cover more snug over your body. 

He pats your arm in comfort, "I know it's early, but come on we can't be late." 

Flipping over you look up at him, "I'm so tired." 

"I know you can sleep on the train, but right now you need to get up," he replies, he looks sorry for having to wake you. "We can get ice cream on the way home," he suggests. 

Sitting slowly you yawn, still dreading having to get up, but Hyunsuk's promise does sound tempting.

Feels bad about waking you up

Definitely would wait till you've gotten out of bed before he leaves the room

Won't let you sleep in unless he's sleeping in too

🐼 Jihoon

"Give me back my blanket." 

Jihoon doesn't seem to pay you any mind as he neatly folds the blanket up. You watch as he takes said blanket and places it into the closet. Then he walks back over to the couch and sits at the other end. 

"Are you ready to get up now?" He asks.

"No. Give me back my blanket." 

Shaking his head he grins, "I told you to get up an hour ago. Now you have 15 minutes to get ready."

Glaring at him you toss a throw pillow at him. It doesn't do much however since he catches it and throws it right back. In the end, you get up but not before you make Jihoon carry you to the bathroom as an apology.

Doesn't have the time to play around

He wants you to get about sleep at night so you don't have days where you refuse to get up

He'll nag you for the rest of the day - "If you'd gotten up when I told you..."

🐯 Yoshi 

“It’s been 15 minutes.” 

“Already?” you question. 

He nods sitting down on the edge of the couch, “It’s time to go now.” 

“Just a few more minutes, please?” you ask. 

Yoshi thinks for a second looking down at his phone to check the time, “Okay another 5 minutes, but then we really have to go.”

Snuggling back into your blanket you yawn falling right back to sleep.

A few extra minutes to sleep is okay

He will be checking the clock to make sure you don’t miss any plans from being sleepy

Would sit next to you while you sleep by just scrolling through his phone

🐨 Junkyu

"I get that you're sleepy, but can I at least get comfortable first." 

Snuggling further into his chest you shake your head, "No, you're my pillow." 

"My leg is going to fall asleep." 

"I'll move, but you still have to be my pillow," you reply, trying to compromise.

"How long do I have to be your pillow?" He questions.

"For the rest of your life or until I have to go home."

Junkyu lets you be tired

Won't mind also taking a nap with you

If you need to get up he'll keep bothering you till you get up

Mornings were you refuse he turns to aegyo 

🐹 Mashiho

Slowly peeking open your eyes the sunlight hits you directly in the face. Squinting you attempt to stop the bright light from blinding you. This stops you from noticing the giggling. Until it turns into a full-on laugh. 

"Why are you laughing?" You question, voice still heavily groggy. 

"You look so cute." 

"My face is probably all puffy."

He grabs your face squishing your cheeks together, "Still cute," he replies before letting go, "We have to get up." 

"Right now?" You question, he nods shifting to properly sit up in bed. 

"I'll make us some tea and then you have to get up."

Mashi doesn't try to hard to make you get up

You're sleepy, but somehow being near him just makes you wanna get up

He's also definitely the type to bring you tea in the morning and just sit and talk with you till you really begin your day

🦁 Jaehyuk

"Wake up, wake up, it's time to wake up," Jaehyuk sings very loudly as he pulls open the blinds. The sunlight pours through the window attempting to blind you. 

Annoyed you groan flipping around in your bed yanking the cover over your head, "Go away."

"I can't do that," Jaehyuk replies, he pulls off your blanket messily folding it into his hands, "It's hard to sleep without a blanket." 

Closing your eyes you slowly get up from bed, you sigh glaring at your giggling boyfriend, "I hate you." 

"You're up aren't you," he grins, setting the blanket down on the bed. Waking over he hugs you, "Are you mad at me?"

You nod cuddling into his chest, "No, but I'm now cold and I'm still sleepy."

He coos patting your head then cheekily replies, "I'll be your new warmth." Giggling you slowly close your eyes falling into the warmth of his hug.

Definitely would feel bad for waking you up but would distract you with hugs

The type to sing a made-up song to make you get up

Would probably sometimes attempt to wake you up by just laying down next to you and poking your face till you get annoyed

🤖 Asahi

"I'm sleepy," you tell Asahi as soon as you both are outside the restaurant. 

"Do you want to go home then?" 

"Yeah," you reply though a yawn. Already starting to feel drowsy. 

Silently Asahi takes your purse from you. He then wraps an arm around your shoulder letting your head fall into his shoulder.

"My dorm is closer. You can spend the night." 

You just snuggle closer into his shoulder humming in agreement. Already drifting off to sleep

Asahi just wants you to be comfortable

He doesn't try to convince you to do anything when you're tired

Plans get canceled or pushed back because of this

🦊 Yedam

As soon as lunch rolls around you have your head placed on the table ready for a long nap. Yedam has been trying to course you to eat for the past 15 minutes.

"You need to eat, come on. At least drink your milk." 

Huffing you push the milk away, "I just want to sleep. I'm so over today." 

"Did you stay up all night?" 

"Yeah. I should have finished my project earlier, but I had no motivation," you tell him. 

"I understand," he replies, then he pushes away his tray laying his head down next to yours, "We will both have a small nap and then I'll walk you back home. You have to promise me to take care of your sleep schedule." 

His kind gesture warms your heart so you end up agreeing before you fall asleep.

Is really concerned about why you don't want to get up

He goes out of his way to make sure you don't feel like your being a burden 

100% would wait till you feel like getting up

🐰 Doyoung

The ringing of your phone is the first thing to wake you up in the morning. Still, with a groggy voice, you pick up your phone grumping out a small, "Hello." The laughter of Doyoung doesn't help to bring you back to reality. He's too happy considering what time it is. 

"Good morning. Do you want to get up any time soon?" 

"No," you reply, still half asleep and it's painfully obvious by your voice. 

"We have plans today, remember." 

You manage to peak open your eyes. At this point the sun hasn't even risen yet, "It's too early, call back later." 

"It's 6 already, you should have been up 30 minutes ago. Do you even remember what we are doing today?"

Thinking for a second at what could possibly be so important to wake up at the peak of dawn it finally clicks in your mind. It's not enough to get you to spring up out of bed, but you sit up. 

"Do you remember now?" 

You slowly stretch yawning, "We have plans with your mom this morning. You should have called me earlier," you whine getting up heading straight for the bathroom, "I have to get ready. I'll meet you at the station, don't forget to call me. When you leave. Oh and tell your mom I can't wait to shop with her."

You don't let him respond before you hang up. Later on, before leaving you notice you have a few missed calls from Doyoung. You leave with a smile knowing he'd been trying to wake you up since 5 am.

Sleepy himself or wide awake he'll make sure you are up on time

He won't let you sleep in, but he'll make it up to you with either food or sleepy cuddles on the way to school 

He gets clingy when you're tried

Offers to help you with everything 

He claims hugs and cuddles are the best sleepy medicine

🐏 Haruto

"We should probably get up now."

Shifting around you yawn rubbing your face deeper into the pillow, "Just 5 more minutes."

"5 minutes turns into 30 real quick," he points out. He sits up stretching his arms in the air, "Come on let's get dressed."

"No," you huff, dragging the blanket over your head in a weak attempt to block out his voice. 

"Okay I'm leaving without you," he warns.

You contemplate the pros and cons for a second, then respond, "Bye-bye. Bring me back a coffee."

Haruto doesn't really need to try

He'll usually just say he's gonna leave and eventually, you'll get up and follow

Other times he'll just lay there with you

He's usually just as sleepy as you are (if not more)

🐺 Jeongwoo

"You have to get up." 

Jeongwoo looks just as tired as you. His face is adorably puffy and his hair is sticking all up all over the place. 

"Just a few more minutes."

A soft groan comes in response, "It's already 6. We had our nap."

"Please just a little longer," you pout, trying to compromise. 

He contemplates for a second, before plopping down onto the bed himself, "Just five more minutes."

Jeongwoo lets you sleep in 

You'll both sleep in for another 10 minutes or so before you both cave and get up

Bonus is seeing a sleepy Jeongwoo trying to wake you up

You're both sleepy and groggy until you get up and start the day 

🐮 Junghwan

"My shoulder hurts," Junghwan complains, twisting his shoulder around to make himself comfortable. Currently, you're on the bus on the way to a new garden cafe right after school. You'd both decided to ditch cram school today just for a few hours of stress release. 

"Stay still I'm so sleepy."

"Do you want to go home then?" 

You shift around yawning before nodding, "Yeah, I didn't think I was going to get so tired, sorry."

He laughs lightly, "It's okay. I knew you would probably be sleepy from school."

"Are you sure it's okay?"

"Positive, the cafe will always be there tomorrow," he reassures.

You slightly smile before shifting around getting comfortable in his shoulder, "Okay, but just 5 more minutes."

He's considerate so he will bring you tea to course you to want to wake up

Falls for the 5 more minutes plea a little too much

5 minutes turns into 20 then your both late

He doesn't have the heart to wake you up

-

Anon Request

Sorry for not posting this sooner!

Requests are closed for all, but blurbs.