#and of course all this within reason like genuinely problematic things should be pointed out etc

[kerflooey]

i just feel like saying we are all writing publicly on the internet which is vulnerable enough but on top of that we're doing collaborative writing. we depend on others adding on to our views feelings ideas and style. as much of a hobby as it is and as unseriously as you want to take it it's still a form of art, it's innately personal and vulnerable. engage with other people's writing as you would with any art whose author is in front of you. comment and contribute if you feel strongly enough about it but always for the better. you don't have to love or praise or keep interacting with what isn't for you but you do have to respect it.

[rituhhh]

besides the vast amount of reblogging i have done in the past few hours i also want to vomit my own unnecessary thoughts into this hellhole for a total of 2 people to read:

this is my mini case study of dreams face reveal and it’s consequences on society

1. first, i want to establish the mcyt fandom as something that was perhaps not at first mainstream, but currently is bordering on if not already mainstream. simply seeing the numbers on dreams face reveal stream proves this point. why do i want to establish this? because mainstream fandoms get more criticism than small fandoms. immediate examples are mha and stranger things, both of which are HUGE and have not only the stereotypical neurodivergent nerds within the fandom but also many marginally attached fans that are likely to be “normal” people (excuse my use of that word, you get what i’m saying here). because these are mainstream, people have a much better view inside the inner workings of how fandom operates, including our most “weird” behaviors. people then proceed to stretch those out of proportion, essentially saying all fans act a certain way or using it to prove the morality/maturity of a certain fandom. this is exactly what happened here with dream’s face reveal: it was blown hugely out of proportion and people mock the behavior of fans and insult dream’s looks. of course, there are more reasons why this got blown out of proportion, which i will get to in a moment.

2. the people affected by these insults to dreams looks aren’t just dream himself. people who look like dream are not going to be happy with themselves after the internet runs them through. of course, dream’s feelings are important as well. at the same time, by social contract as an influencer dream did kind of, in a convoluted way, consent to public criticism. that doesn’t mean that’s what OUGHT to be true, but in the current world that is what is true. anyone who posts anything online is automatically consenting to the consequences of their post, whether or not it’s a completely unbacked insult. this being said, a. i don’t think that we should be judging people’s character or how good their content is by their physical beauty and b. it’s just not a nice/morally correct thing to do. dreams content isn’t any less good or bad because of how he looks. further, the people using dreams “problematic” behavior as an excuse to be mean are not only perpetuating the idea that ugly people are bad, they also don’t understand the absolute bullshit that is the twitter label of “problematic.” i’m not saying that nobody is deserving of criticism, but just because someone says someone else did some marginally bad thing on the internet ten years ago does not make them an evil person. there are people who have done much worse things and people can change. of course, each individual draws that line of what is truly intolerable in a different spot, but i want to warn everyone that you should not believe everything you see on first sight and that you need to think with your common sense brain and not your chronically online brain when weighing what is a genuine moral sin. finally, regardless what you think of dream and whether he deserves it, think of the other people that will actually see your post and feel worse about themselves. is your post a generalization about ugly people or a group of people with a certain facial feature? if yes, then be careful.

3. it is important to note that dream did hype up this face reveal a lot. not only does the social contract thing i described earlier ring true, dream did explicitly advertise his face reveal as a big huge spectacle, and thus he must bear the consequences of that. i do note that it’s unfair to say that he wasn’t at least pressured into face revealing, but it is something that, after he decided to do it, made it a very big show.

4. if i have more thoughts i will let you know :)

[nothorses]

Exclusionist tactics

So we’re seeing a resurgence of exclusionary rhetoric- and most of this is on Twitter, but I think it’s time to unpack what happened during the “ace discourse” as well- because this stuff will happen again.

These are just the examples I can remember off the top of my head- but they’re good things to watch out for.

Echo chambers: Over the course of the first year especially, exclusionists would form tight-knit groups and private chats (especially over Discord). They would invite people into these groups and suck them in pretty intensely, creating environments where only one way of thinking was allowed. People who disagreed would often be mocked and harassed back into conformity. Avoiding Criticism: Any comparison of exclusionist rhetoric to some more “legitimate” form of bigotry was usually met with the claim “why are so many of us [targeted group] then?” Oftentimes they would point to exclusionists claiming to be trans women or people of color, later found out to be fabricated by cis and white people. Exclusionists also tended to put “TERFs do not interact” and similar statements in blog descriptions or on TERFy posts in order to avoid comparisons to TERF rhetoric.

Targeting Allyship: Communities would be pit against each other in order to discourage allyship with the ace community. The most successful example is the way lesbians were encouraged to see aces as “a lesbophobic community”, the effects of which linger today. They also attempted to pit the bi community against us, and the autistic community. Targeting Language: Exclusionists often targeted the language the A-spec community used; “allo” came under fire for being “homophobic” and “lumping people in with their oppressors”, “a-spec” was said to have originated as a term for the autism spectrum (a blatant lie), and even pointing out similarities to TERFs came under fire- again for “lumping people in with their oppressors”.

Targeting Community History: Asexual history (which is by nature also aromatic history) came under intense scrutiny; any prominent figures or spaces were now considered “too problematic” (like David Jay and AVEN), and longstanding history was actively erased; while folks claimed that asexual history had begun with the inception of AVEN in the early 2000′s, ignoring documented history as far back as the 70′s at least.

Erasing Community Definitions: A popular tactic was to claim that a word “had no real definition” and thus couldn’t be legitimate. Exclusionists often compiled seemingly conflicting definitions of core words like “asexuality”, always given by unofficial sources and either allos, or baby aces. Official definitions and sources were erased entirely. “A Danger to the Community”: A core tenant of all exclusionist movements is that the group they’re excluding is “a danger to the community”. They’re “stealing resources” which usually cannot be described or quantified, nor are they actually limited- they’re “invading”, they “think it’s just a club”, they’ll “make us harder to accept”, etc.

Character Assassination: Anyone who spoke up about asexuality had their every action put under unreasonably scrutiny, and accusations were often slapped on with minimal prompting. Most often used were “lesbophobe” and “pedophile”; ever disagree with a lesbian? Now you’re a lesbophobe. Ever interact with someone under the age of 18? Now you’re a pedophile.

“Think of the Children!”: The ace communtiy was said to be “sexualizing children”, citing the fact that some young people identified as ace, and the belief that nobody should be thinking about sex or sexual orientation until legal adulthood. This often lead to people claiming aces were “pedophiles” just because of their identity.

Belittling Trauma: Aces were often asked to lay out the oppression they’d faced and trauma they’d experienced for exclusionists to pick over and “validate”- pretty much always, the end result was that exclusionists tried to convince the person in question that their trauma wasn’t real, or was “misdirected” and thus didn’t actually hurt them. Harassment Campaigns: Exclusionists would often find one person to target as a community, with the end goal being that they leave the site, shut down their blog, or far worse. A wave of harassment would come over one person at a time, in asks and mentions and all over everything they’d posted recently. We’d see dogpiling, basic insults and bullying, mocking, targeted bigotry (like ableism) etc.- and well as...

Suicide Baiting: Exclusionists would often “jokingly” suicide bait people they disagreed with, aces in particular, and I remember one ace blogger citing this harassment as a reason they eventually did take their own life.

Sexual Harassment: Aces were often targeted with sexual harassment as if it might “fix” their orientations, or just as a malicious way to hurt them. Sexual jokes, sexual insults, etc. were thrown at aces, many of them children or teens.

Grooming of Minors: Within their own communities, exclusionists often took advantage of their status, their weaponization of the term “pedophile” against others to make themselves appear safe, and the normalization of sexual jokes and comments within their communities to single out and groom minors. Minors were often roped into sexual spaces or conversations with predatory adults.

What eventually started to shut “the discourse” down and dissolve this movement was diligent de-platforming. People were encouraged to blog exclusionists on site, blocklists were circulated, we were discouraged from reblogging any post with an exclusionist on it, etc.- Instead we would make our own posts in response to their points, and screenshot theirs if needed.

Over time, this genuinely did work- and while we’re still recovering from “the discourse” to this day, we are at least in the process of recovering now.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

How can you do it? How can you keep up pretending/ lying?

I suppose it is because of survival that pretending is necessary, therefore it is a must.

Do you have periods of burnout?

Do you have a need for authenticity/ genuine communication? A support network mentally?

I'm still at that stage where my personality is called "weird" sometimes and leaves me in wonder whether i should mask it or not since there havent been any occasions that leaves me in danger. It is just how I act naturally, and I am debating whether I should make an effort to learn how to act normal or use the weirdness as charming points. Maybe the percentage of the mask , as all my answers often lead to, is again situational. I suppose you will assess the situations and choose how much of the front you will keep up, or do you keep the walls up all the time?

Do you believe people can root out one of their fundamental personality traits on will?

Sorry for using you as a mirror and a "google" of some sorts and thank you for reading this.

Acting can be an enjoyable past-time.

No person knows all facettes of you. Your parent or your friends might not know your “favourite colour”, or “the kind of pornography you prefer” or that you “put the milk before the cereal”. Some things you don’t tell people because they don’t matter, some because they are uncomfortable to discuss and some because of both. Your interactions with them are still lauthentic” and “geniune” and theoretically if need be they can still support you.

Your need to expose yourself as weird, is likely either born out of the desire for attention and insecurity regarding what you define as different resulting in a need for validation.

Chances are you are not weird, simply because there are no “weird people”. We are all results of our genetic code and experiences and fall within the spectrum of humanity. There is no reason for shame and no need for validation, although both are common.

If you desire attention to the extend of making yourself a seemingly problematic member of society, by “using weirdness as charming points”, I’d recommend talking to a therapist about this.

Of course, people can change their personality traits by coping and treating themselves in different ways, but personality disorders are literally defined as being a permanent part of a person. However, people are not made out of one thing. Whatever you think is weird about yourself, or a personality disorder someone else has does not fully define either of you.

Do you think people with aspd/npd go grocery shopping differently? Do you think they are constantly focused on “oh dear, what if someone found out about my diagnosis” when they park their car or take the bus? Most things in life are not that complicated.

Act in a polite and patient manner, without disturbing others unnecessarily and your so called “weirdness” won’t matter. People don’t care.

You don’t need to hide what they don’t look for.

Often, I play roles because they make life easier, safer and simply because I enjoy it. I keep up nearly the same level of a “facade” with everyone, arguably because of some slightly “paranoid tendencies”, but the role itself changes.

It’s similar to the way you act differently when talking to a teacher, a friend or a family member, just more pronounced and conscious.

The purpose of a role is adjustment, to simplify your life and occasionally to have a bit of extra ‘fun’. If playing a role does not provide you with this, but causes “burnout” you are clearly playing the wrong part and maybe even in the wrong theatre.

(-confession/lie 257)

[omoi-no-hoka]

Problematic Language Gender Divide in Japanese

Today I stumbled across a very interesting article about the language gender divide in Japanese and how it impacts women in the Japanese workplace.

Here is the link to the full article.

This article touches on a lot of things I have felt living in Japan as a woman, so I thought I’d share it with everyone.

“This is not just a matter of linguistics: these gender-specific forms, with their different levels of assertiveness and politeness, and the societal expectations behind them, put women at a huge disadvantage against men, in life and particularly in the workplace.

Beyond specific words, gender language differences in Japanese are evident in how and what women say. Women are softer spoken and use more euphemisms. Unwritten rules around women's language reflect the acceptable features of women in Japan: never direct, always respectful.”

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to conduct a business negotiation while remaining “indirect” and unassertive? 

This article touches on a point that has ALWAYS ground my gears not related to the workplace.

“Interestingly, Nakamura observes that the Japanese female language is most prominently represented in the Japanese translation of women's remarks in Western literature. For example, Hermione in the Harry Potter wizarding novels sounds much more ladylike in Japanese than a girl her age in Japan today would. In fact, Hermione speaks as briskly as her male peers in the original English.

But the translation sends a subliminal message that all women, even Western ones, should be speaking demurely. Intellectually we know that this is not true. Western professional women are much more outspoken, but they are not any less charming for that.”

This feels like hyperbole to type, but I would honestly say that 100% of the Western female characters I’ve seen translated into Japanese have been hyper-feminized. Hermione’s character is built upon her independence and her self-assertion. It feels wrong to translate her dialogue into such demure speech. 

Has Japanese Always Been Genderized?

Contrary to what Japanese people are taught in their Japanese classes at school, onnna kotoba (female speech) and otoko kotoba (male speech) has not always been delineated. 

Many Japanese people are taught in school that Japanese has been genderized since the 4th Century AD, with court ladies, Buddhist nuns, and geisha speaking differently. Sounds so romantic and beautiful, that this historic, refined way of speech is preserved and upheld by women to this day!

HOWEVER, that is blatantly untrue. The delineation actually took place in the late 1800′s!

A linguist named Orie Endo was one of the first people to demonstrate this. He did it by comparing two literary works, one from 1813 (“Ukiyoburo”) and the other from 1909 (“Sanshiro”). The truth is that before 1887, when people started noticing feminine language, males and females spoke the same; differences in speech patterns were based on social status, not gender. Endo found that males and females used the same sentence-enders in “Ukiyoburo,” but these were split between men and women in “Sanshiro” (just 96 years later). The sentence-enders ぞ (zo), だぜ (da-ze) and ぜ (ze), for example, were used by both males and females in “Ukiyoburo” but only by men in “Sanshiro.”

This excerpt was taken from an older but fascinating article from The Japan Times that you can read here.

How/why did this change take place?

The Meiji Era (1868-1912) was the catalyst. Feminine language was initially frowned on by male intellectuals. The sentence-enders てよ (teyo), のよ (noyo), and だわ (dawa), in particular, got a lot of attention. This “vulgar language” (now considered a long-lasting and beautiful tradition) was blamed on hicks and lower-class Japanese.

Two big things helped feminine language go from vulgar to accepted tradition. The first was the philosophy of ryōsai kenbo (good wife, wise mother). This was encouraged by the government and showed up in a lot of women’s magazines — written by women who spoke in the new feminine form. This type of woman was shown as a member of the ideal middle class. As a result, other women emulated them. Feminine language became widespread, and necessary — if you wanted to be well-educated, happy and all the things a woman “should” want to be.

The other big transformation that helped embed gendered language in Japanese was the rapid modernization and Westernization of the Meiji Era. Change was occurring so quickly that it seemed as though Japanese culture was disappearing — that Japaneseness was being lost. People began seeking out traditions they could hold on to. One such “tradition” was feminine language; to be Japanese — and, more importantly, to be unique from Western cultures — meant speaking in a gendered language. This was just one of many “traditions” that sprang from times of rapid transformation (it happened again post-World War II, during the Allied Occupation, with the Nihonjinron (theories about the Japanese studies).

Do You Need to Conform to These Norms as a Non-Native Speaker?

This is entirely my own opinion and experience as a foreign woman in Japan. What I believe may not be what you believe, and that’s okay. 

I use feminine speech in Japanese. My pronoun is “watashi,” and I do end sentences in “dawa” or “nano” like a Japanese woman would. It would feel downright weird or wrong to change my pronoun to a masculine one like “boku” or “ore.” I do use masculine “zo” or “ze” to end sentences when I’m kinda joking around or fired up about something.

However, I have long been aware of the inherent deference that lies in the polite “watashi” and the lack of assertion hidden within “nano,” etc., and I am not a demure or unassertive person by nature. 

It’s for this reason and a couple others that I often temper my demure feminine Japanese by using more casual Japanese instead of desu/masu. I’m not going up to the client and speaking to them like they’re my bros, of course. For them I always use desu/masu and observe all societal norms. But around my coworkers and people that know me, I will use casual Japanese. 

By using casual Japanese, I do the following things:

I attempt to show, “I think of you as on the same level as me.”

I attempt to express the camaraderie and warmth I have for the person I am talking to. (In English, a more warm and casual way of talking is seen as friendly and polite, and I consciously hold that mentality when speaking Japanese, despite knowing Japanese doesn’t operate under the same logic. I’ve also explained that mentality to my Japanese coworkers.)

I attempt to show that...hmm. For lack of a better word, I’m not gonna take any shit from anyone. haha.

Caveat 1: Even though I tend to speak more casual Japanese, I still ALWAYS put -san at the end of every coworker’s name. Without fail. Not adding -san would be very rude and putting them beneath me, which I do not want to do under any circumstance.

Caveat 2: While I do speak mostly in casual Japanese, I do everything in my power to say things directly and honestly but with tact.

A regular Japanese person maybe couldn’t get away with this casual Japanese in the workplace. But since I’m a gaijin, I get a sort of pass. “Ah, she’s an American and they speak their minds.” Or “Ah, Americans do that thing where they speak casually to people they are comfortable with.” 

I believe that this strategy has worked in my favor. Nearly everyone in the project comes to me for advice on...well. Damn near anything, at one point or another. Things I’m not even remotely related to. I think they do this because they know I’ll give their question a hard think and a genuine answer. This could be reflected in my personality, but a large part of our personality is illustrated by the way we speak.

Just some food for thoughts. How do you feel about the distinction between feminine and masculine speech in Japanese? How do you use it?

[holydragon2808]

Thoughts On Dragon Age II after Replaying (Massive Spoilers)

Hello fellow DA fans! It's been quite some time since I last posted anything here on Tumblr. Hope everyone has been safe during all of the world's craziness. Figured I'd post something to let people know I'm still alive.

Anyway, DA2 was first released back in 2011. I was 20-21 years old at the time. Back then, while I still acknowledged the lack of genuine player agency with Hawke (in comparison to the Warden before them), I did belong in the camp of people believing that people went way overboard with the DA2 critiques regarding those complaints, at least back then.

Now though? After replaying the game again a decade or so later, and also in light of the Inquisitor and DAI, I now personally believe that Hawke's story stands out as (overall), all the more unbalanced in comparison to both the Warden and Inquisitor.

Massive Spoilers for the franchise abound beyond this point. Last warning.

Despite a lot of the old critiques leveled at DA2, it isn't a 100% terrible experience, and despite the oncoming rant, I do love the game overall.

Even though I've personally always thought that DA2 story was centered around tragedy a bit TOO much, in light of the growing franchise and the directional tone of the other protagonists thus far, it unfortunately stands out even more to me, and not in a good way.

A shame really because DA2 could have been a better and interesting contrast to DAO in tone and direction had it been more balanced with meaningful successes and failures for Hawke as a character rather than veering too far over into angst and tragedy.

For example, in DAO, your Warden character is railroaded into success against the Blight no matter what. Regardless of the origin, regardless of what sort of allies you acquire, no matter if you live or die in the end or which warden gets the final blow, you succeed.

This sort of narrative framing gave the writers a much easier way to balance genuine tragedy and success throughout the journey without veering too far in one direction or the other, and also without making nearly everything the player does seem like an exercise in futility.

In other words, there were failures and successes more properly balanced throughout, from experiencing meaningful failures and heartache during the chosen origin stories, to failure at Ostagar, to having more balance with the party members and their struggles (they weren't too boring or too dysfunctional), romances that stood out as a light for the Warden amidst all the fighting and death and their massive burden, to succeeding with building the army to take on the Darkspawn, to potential personal sacrifice to save the world and so on.

The option to play a more tragic, angsty or "evil" character who alienates everyone around them and then ultimately dies in the end is there too. The point is that the game largely gave the player the reins and let THEM decide what sort of story they were interested in shaping within the confines of the narrative railroading.

This balance just isn't there with DA2 as the player progresses. Hawke is railroaded into failure in almost every way from start to finish, whether in their personal life or with the massive political struggles in Kirkwall.

I'm sure most people would have been fine with the main plot between the mages/Templars spiraling out of their control in the end (thanks Anders), the Qunari rampaging no matter what, and even the Hawke family being forcefully separated as the story progressed.

However, to me some of the railroaded bleak tragedy should have been offset by Hawke (and by extension the player) at least having the OPTION of being able to keep their family alive.

I'm fine with the tragedy of losing the whole family being ONE POSSIBLE option in the game, but when this tragedy along with the main plot failures, the dysfunctional party members that are too problematic to help ease Hawke's burdens (in fact, they all add to Hawke's worries, which if Inquisition shows anything, that it finally takes its toll on Hawke) is THE ONE AND ONLY OPTION in light of everything else wrong in Kirkwall, then that's a potential writing issue and could potentially alienate the player more than make them care about anything that happens and wonder why they aren't given the option to just nope out and leave Kirkwall to its fate.

Tragedy can be fine, don't get me wrong, but not everyone wants to role play a COMPLETE AND UTTER tragedy from start to finish with no option to deviate in any way from that narrative. Options in the way people progress (especially where people can break the story down and see the holes in the narrative where it COULD have possible but just wasn't allowed), should be presented in a ROLE PLAYING game.

I personally find it more realistic and relatable when a character experiences a nice blend of both MEANINGFUL success and failure. However, the writers seemed intent on railroading Hawke into just being at the mercy of the main plot with little to no agency.

In stark contrast to DAO, planning for the entire story in DA2 (or just in an RPG period) to end in failure no matter the player choices is already a bold enough risk on its own. It can definitely work with the proper balance of both positive and negative experiences along the way though in both the political and personal aspects of the player characters life, to keep the player actively engaged in a way that doesn't leave them thinking that their presence in the story amounts to little more than the equivalent of holding a book and simply turning the page rather than actively doing something.

But combining an already planned bleak ending with a very corrupt setting where the leaders on all sides are either completely moronic or passive, party members where the majority of them have too many burdens of their own to give Hawke a genuine sense of a reprieve from the madness even if romancing one of them (except for Varric, Aveline, and Bethany, if alive, everyone else is either a whiner or dysfunctional. It's very telling that Hawke's PET DOG gets more no strings attached visits from the party members than Hawke does. Just saying), railroading Hawke to lose the majority of their family in some way, AND having what little success and influence Hawke DOES acquire to come back and bite them in the ass in the end (Hawke struck it rich and became Champion of Kirkwall?! Awesome!.....right up until its revealed the red lyrium idol they found in the deep roads played a part in screwing up everything), then at that point, a serious argument can be made that the writers veered far too heavily into tragic overdone melodrama for some people.

How cool would it have been to be able to leave the game with "Well, okay, I couldn't do anything about the corruption in Kirkwall or the mage/Templar tensions spiraling out of control, but at least my whole family is alive and well"? There could have even been an achievement/trophy for this very outcome called "The pride of the Hawkes" or something.

Just one possible example of how the railroaded political failures could have been offset by giving Hawke, (and by extension the player), the OPTION for personal success in a more meaningful way. The option for extreme tragedy with some or even all of the Hawkes dying can still be there of course for people who want that degree of angst, but again having multiple OPTIONS is more likely to accommodate more people and their preferred play styles or stories, and thus, give more reasons to play the game multiple times.

As it stands now, sure, Hawke can save the life of one sibling, but they're still railroaded into losing one of them before the prologue is over, the other is either killed by the Blight or forced from their side in act 1 because the game said so, and the mother is forced to die in the most shock value induced way possible (nevermind not even being able to warn Leandra in act one or follow up on this quest until it's too late in act two or the guards and Templars being forcefully incompetent for this to play out like the writers want).

Those have just been my thoughts as of late. Some people argue that in a way, this is the entire point of the game. That sometimes only REALLY crappy choices exist and there may not be a third option. I agree with that to a point.

But "there might not be" and "there NEVER is" an option for an ideal third way are two very different things and IMO, DA2 suffered in veering far too heavily in the direction of the latter, often being too focused on heartbreak and shock value (looking at you "All That Remains") to really work as well as it could have.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts a decade later. Make no mistake, I still love DA2 for what it is, love the general concept and idea of DA2, just not the execution. It's just sad to me that this game could have been so much better with more development time, more options to shape Hawke's story on a more personal level (whether with an ideal outcome of everyone in the family living, or a semi tragic one where some can die depending on choices, or everyone dying), and not being railroaded into tragedy to nearly nigh ridiculous levels to the point where a giant spider nightmare residing in the Fade in a whole other game mocks Hawke for their "failure is the only option" status.

And just to further clarify my point here, true, Kirkwall was a ticking time bomb with or without Hawke being there. They made the tensions between the two factions apparent as far back as DAO. A Mage/Templar war was all but inevitable, as was Anders eventually losing himself to Justice/Vengeance and after exhausting all peaceful options, finally doing the unthinkable and "forcing everyone to choose a side". That part was fine. And it makes sense for this part of the story to remain static and unchanged no matter what (as I said before, the issue isn't necessarily that DA2 had a planned tragic ending or was framed as a set story within a story).

The issue is that, at the end of the day, regardless of whether this is framed as a recounting of events already played out, Bioware still chose to present this part of the story to the world as an RPG, not a novel. It's just too easy to pick apart the current execution of the narrative and find too many holes and inconsistencies, far too easy to see that Bioware wanted tragedy and completely railroaded the player into it regardless of whether or not it made sense to do so at times. Part of it is definitely that it was rushed, but not all of it.

" Genuine inevitable tragedy" (example: the mage/Templar rebellion) and "railroaded and just never given the option to question/change anything because the game/developers said so but still forcefully insisting and trying to frame it as an inevitable tragedy" are two very different things (outright confirming in Act 1 that the remains of the serial killer's vicitms did indeed belong to one of the missing women (Ninette's wedding ring) and he gave them white lilies but conveniently never given the option to bring any of this up to the guards/Templars or pursue the quest or warn Leandra until it's far too late). Leandra's death isn't the only example of this problem, but it definitely is one of the most prominent and IMO, takes away from the intended story of a good woman who met a bad end with their oldest son/daughter being unable to prevent it when the game failed to let them (and by extension the player) truly try.

DA2 could have been a great contrast to DAO. Rather than having the influence to shape the fate of the world like the Warden and succeed in their goal, they could have compromised in DA2 with having the fallout of the Kirkwall Chantry destruction and the rebellion still happening no matter what (i.e. Hawke "failing" to stop any of the madness and still ultimately forced to flee Kirkwall in the end after finally dragging the Amell line back into prominence) but still given the player the option to save their immediate family members across the story if certain choices were made throughout. I'm sure most people would have been fine with a more "bittersweet" option being presented for Hawke, (and by extension the player) in the game, especially where again, one can pick apart the narrative and see where it could have been an option, but just wasn't allowed for no other reason than seemingly because of the "True art is angsty" trope.

Bioware could still have their own canon (similarly to how Alistair is shown to be king in their canon no matter what as an example) of the ultimate tragedy if they wanted, but again, DA2 is still an RPG where players expect to have more meaningful choices reflected in how they progress, even with an inescapable darker and downer ending.

Complete and utter tragedy is fine, but I just don't think it was the best decision to have it as THE ONLY option in an RPG.

[swtorpadawan]

Backup

Author’s Notes: The following story takes place a few weeks after the Rise of the Emperor expansion.

Jonas Balkar’s eyes scanned the south balcony of the Star Cluster Casino on Nar Shaddaa.

From the nearby Strategic Information Service observation post, the senior agent had multiple angles to choose from on his monitor displays, both inside and outside the venue. Years before, Jonas and the Republic SIS – with the assistance of Havoc Squad – had remotely sliced the establishment’s nigh-impregnable security system ever since, giving them a backdoor to the casino’s entire network. Say what you will about the Hutts, but they weren’t stingy on surveillance. They wanted every credit and every gaming chip accounted for, and they were committed to keeping (unsanctioned) violence away from their lucrative hotels and casinos. There were literally hundreds of security holo-recorders and sensors throughout the Star Cluster, and Jonas had access to all of it. What’s more, he could adjust what the Hutts and their goons saw at their end, meaning they wouldn’t get wise to what Jonas was up to.

This had all made the Star Cluster the ideal location for a discreet handoff between their contact – a rather gullible Rodian information broker named Rox, who had a nervous demeanor – and a Nikto working for a Black Sun arms dealer who was (allegedly) supplying off-the-books weaponry for the new Sith Intelligence and their covert operations on the Smuggler’s Moon and other Hutt-controlled worlds. (Why waste time smuggling in ordinance that can be traced back to your government when you can just as easily buy large quantities of untraceable weapons after you arrive, and all at a reasonable price?) The plan was for the Rodian to pass a large bribe to the Nikto for a data-disk on these (alleged) shipments to Imperial safehouses. In one swoop, the SIS would pick up the drop-off points of the network.

But the plan got even better. If things went well, then two days from now, Jonas – through a proxy –would approach the Nikto – the fellow was named Fhentar – with all the information the man had illicitly provided to the Rodian, along with a recording of the hand-off. Using that evidence as leverage, he would turn Fhentar into an SIS informant by threatening to share what the Nikto had done with his boss. The Nikto would then realize that his future lifespan could be measured in minutes if that happened. With Fhentar in Jonas’ pocket, the arms shipments could be disrupted at the Republic’s leisure, forcing the Imps to resort to smuggling their own weapons to the planet. That would further antagonize the Hutt Cartel, causing the Empire even more problems.

Within a few weeks, the Empire’s entire Nar Shaddaa network – so carefully reconstructed by Lana Beniko, the new Minister of Sith Intelligence – would be compromised.

A beautiful plan. All it relied on was this handoff going well over the next few minutes. Just in case, Jonas had an SIS security team – disguised of course – standing by just a few minutes away.

The balcony hadn’t been the obvious choice for the hand-off, but Jonas was convinced it would work. When the action was going hot inside, most of the people tended to ignore the balconies; everyone liked a party, after all. He’d spent weeks surveying the surrounding buildings. A sniper from a nearby high point – should the Exchange or Black Sun or even Sith Intelligence choose to intervene – would find no clear shot of the south balcony. Surveillance – aside from that of the SIS, of course – would be problematic with these acoustics. Rox was wired, but any other audio monitoring would be suppressed.

It worked.

To ensure relative quiet on the balcony, a simple ruse had been arranged to distract any potential witnesses. At the appointed moment, a million-credit jackpot would miraculously (and conveniently) hit on one of the Star Cluster’s Kingpin machines to get the crowd’s attention. An undercover SIS operative would then create a diversion on the floor of casino, feigning drunkenness and staging a fight with the gambler who’d won the jackpot. The altercation would draw the remaining bystanders, all but clearing the balcony of potential witnesses and making it an ideal exchange spot. In Jonas’s experience, nothing drew eyes like a fight on the floor of a casino.  

Still, the SIS agent found himself nervous about this operation for some reason he couldn’t quite place. That’s why he’d called in backup to help him observe everything from his post.  

“You know, of the two of us, I’m supposed to be the one with the anxious reputation.” said the voice from behind him.

Jonas turned, giving Theron Shan a rather haughty smile. One of the top agents in the SIS and (technically) still a division head, Theron handed Jonas a steaming cup of caff, which he accepted with genuine gratitude.

“Well, maybe you’ve been rubbing off on me.” Jonas quipped. “I’ve seen you fret on these things more than a few times. Besides, you were the one who needed to get off Coruscant, remember?”

“I know, I know.” Theron held up a free hand. “Everyone’s still upset with me over that mess I made on Ziost.” He sipped his own cup of caff with a shake of his head as he let out a sigh. For a moment, his normally care-free demeanor slipped away, and Jonas could see the guilt weighing heavily on him.  

“I tell you, Jonas, I honestly don’t blame anyone for being angry with me. I should have called in the cavalry the moment I heard from my contact that the Emperor was back. Instead, I got most of my team killed, and that was before Saresh even called in the invasion out from under me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What a mess.”

Jonas felt an upswell of sympathy for Theron and his troubles. He knew the SIS agent had only ever done what he thought was right, even if that was exactly what got him into trouble most of the time.

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up too much.” Jonas patted Theron on the shoulder of his trademark red jacket, giving him a smirk. “At least I still like you.”

Theron wrinkled his nose affectionately at his fellow agent, then rolled his eyes.

“Flatterer.”

“It’s true.” Jonas shrugged, still grinning. “And anyway. I did owe you one from that one incident at the Dealer’s Den back on Coruscant.” Jonas attempted to imitate Theron’s reproachful tone. “‘Jonas’ you said to me, ‘Casino jobs are always tricky. You need to plan to the last detail.’ And hey – you were right.”

“Well, at least this time you actually told me what the operation was. That should make it a little easier.” Theron gave him a scrutinizing look. “So you had a funny feeling about this exchange, and decided to call me in for backup?”

“You are here to add ambiance to an otherwise dreary observation post. Even if it is in an unofficial capacity.” Jonas found himself smirking again. “And hopefully, to start the process of rehabilitating your image with the top brass, even if you aren’t actually here officially.”

Theron nodded in gratitude.

“I appreciate that. I know you didn’t have to do this for me.”

“Don’t mention it. Just help me make sure tonight goes down alright.” Seeing that Rox was in position, Jonas turned back to the bank of monitors, noting the chrono indicator.

It was almost time.

Theron silently gave Jonas a thumb’s up signal as the slice command went through the system. From inside the casino came a blast of celebratory music as the jackpot hit, followed by a series of cheers from the crowd. Most of the handful people still on the balcony started making their way inside. The casino was known to offer a round of complimentary drinks for such rare events. Mere seconds later, shouting could be heard, indicating the scuffle had begun. On one of the peripheral screens, Jonas could see Dionne – a junior agent who showed promise and could play the ‘drunken bruiser’ well – shoving the beleaguered and confused Mon Calamari who’d won the rigged jackpot. The Zabrak’s antics drew even more interest from the casino’s guests than the jackpot had, both inside and out on the balcony. Four or five stragglers made their way inside, eager to watch. Jonas smirked at their reaction as he checked the chrono once again. Perfect timing. Within seconds, Rox, their contact, was one of only three people left still standing on the balcony.

Jonas’s eyes narrowed as he regarded the remaining two individuals; a young human couple who were standing in the far corner, holding each other in an intimate embrace. Jonas watched the man and woman carefully; you couldn’t be too cautious in this business. Both were wearing the revealing attire that had become so popular among socialites on Corellia since the battle there had ended three years before; the ‘Euphoric Corellian’, this look was called. Their arms and shoulders were laid bare, though their hands were gloved. The cut of the tunic was provocative, leaving their flanks bared and showing plenty of skin. This duo wore the outfits well, the woman’s was a deep green while the man wore a royal blue.  

He focused on the woman first; a beautiful brunette with shoulder-length hair, fair skin and green eyes that seemed to match her dress. Jonas would place her in her twenties. The Corellian outfit hugged her impressive feminine curves, but Jonas noted the equally impressive lean, athletic muscle of her arms as well. She wore no jewelry; her only accessory was a green purse she wore over her shoulder, and like her outfit, it matched her eyes perfectly. She was beaming adoringly up at her lover, with a dazzling smile that could have made even a Trandoshan’s heart flutter.    

Damn. Lucky boy. Jonas marveled, turning his attention to her companion.

The man was tall and broad-chested; from what he could see, Jonas would normally assume that he worked out extensively. The scarring, however, across his arms suggested otherwise, telling the tale of injuries suffered over the years; this man – like his companion, only in his twenties by Jonas’s eye – was no doubt a veteran soldier. Probably he’d seen action on Corellia during the war. Based on his attire, maybe he hadn’t been regular Republic military but part of the planetary militia or maybe CorSec. His hair was as raven black as Jonas’s, though the SIS agent suspected the man’s might have been dyed. Regardless, he was a good looking fellow, Jonas couldn’t help but notice. He could easily imagine him on a recruitment poster for the military or for some holo-ad campaign, and his hazel eyes were completely enraptured with the beautiful woman in his arms.  

Huh. Lucky girl. Jonas reflected, chuckling to himself.

His initial anxiety about the couple quickly faded; these two were clearly in love and hardly looked like they could be carrying any concealed weapons. They both clearly enjoyed an active lifestyle. He couldn’t pick up any audio from here – the device Rox was wearing was designed for conversations near him – but they were obviously whispering ‘sweet nothings’ in each other’s ears, holding each other and occasionally leaning in for a teasing kiss. They certainly weren’t paying attention to anyone or anything else but to each other and probably hadn’t even heard the jackpot or the fight from inside. They were plainly just enjoying each other’s company until it was time to withdraw back to their room in the hotel for the evening.

Jonas sighed inwardly, trying to remember how long it had been since he had withdrawn to his room with someone special. Almost on reflex, he glanced over at Theron, who seemed distracted scrutinizing another monitor.

No. Jonas thought to himself. Theron Shan had been fun enough on that late night years ago after a mission when they’d each had far too much to drink, but they’d both agreed afterward that it was better that they remain friends. And honestly, Theron was a good friend, one of the best he had in the galaxy. He shook his head to clear it and then turned back to his own screens.  

Regardless of anything else, that young couple shouldn’t be a problem during a simple handoff.

Confirming once more that Rox was otherwise alone, and naturally that he was looking nervous, Jonas turned to the entry door to the balcony. The time was one minute past the agreed time for the exchange; not enough to call it off just yet. This was always a concern for intelligence agents, but it was the price of working with criminals.

There he is.

The Nikto finally walked in, eyes glancing around the balcony, briefly noting the intimate couple in the corner before dismissing them just as quickly, finally focusing on Rox and approaching the Rodian. A quick holo-scan confirmed that he was unarmed; Jonas was confident the Casino’s security was up to that task of keeping lowlifes like Fhentar from carrying weapons, as they’d had far too many incidents of violence here over the past few years. Fhentar himself was a strange story; supposedly he’d been part of a cult on Taris that had worshipped a fallen Jedi years ago. The SIS file on that situation was still sealed tightly, even from someone of Jonas’s rank. How Fhentar had wound up working for Black Sun after his ‘religion’ had collapsed was anyone’s guess.  

Rox folded his arms, trying to give the Nikto a hard look, but to Balkar, it merely came off as petulant.

“You’re late.” The Rodian said in Huttese.

“And you’re impatient.” Fhentar retorted. “Give me a break. Didn’t you hear the commotion? The casino is going crazy right now.”

Jonas couldn’t deny the validity of the excuse, even if he didn’t trust it. It came with the territory of being a spy.

“Whatever.” Rox shrugged dismissively. “You have the disk?”

“Depends. You got my credits?” the larger Nikto wasn’t giving up any ground. It was the normal underworld posturing, practically clichéd at this point.

“Of course.” The Rodian pulled out the high-denomination credit stick from his belt. Jonas hoped the credits would prove to be money well-spent. The SIS budget was not unlimited.  

The Nikto knew the game, producing a data disk from his jacket.

“So who’re you selling this to, anyway?”

As Rox’s ‘tough’ demeanor – such as it was – started to falter, Jonas could almost smell the Rodian’s nervousness from here.

“Come on. I’m an information broker. You know I can’t talk about that. Not when my clients are paying for discretion, anyway.”

Jonas suddenly noticed some distortion on his monitors. He checked the sensors, but they all seemed to be coming up blank… wait.

There. A series of vibrations against the side of the Star Cluster that weren’t accounted for anywhere else; four distinct series in fact. Rapidly heading down towards the balcony.

Theron Shan noticed it, too. Jonas watched as he urgently plugged into the sensor grid through his cybernetic implants. Jonas hit the ‘standby’ button for his backup team.  

Meanwhile, the conversation was still ongoing.

“Ah, well.” Fhentar shrugged, with a degree of smugness. He tapped the button on his chrono-wristband. “If you’d actually told me now, it would have saved us all some time.”

Jonas was hitting the alert button before the Nikto even finished speaking.

“Team two! Move in! Move in!”

He watched helplessly as the four series of vibrations converged on the balcony. A moment later, he saw the tell-tale shimmer of stealth field generators shutting down as four armed figures in sneak-suits had suddenly surrounded Rox and Fhentar, each one attached at their belt to a rope running up the wall. The SIS agent realized immediately that they had rappelled down the side of the building. The Star Cluster’s sensors should have normally picked up the anomaly well before this. Something had gone wrong.

Many somethings were obviously going wrong.  

“My bosses want to know who’s got their eyes on their business, Rox.” Fhentar chuckled. “So my friends here are gonna take you up to the shuttle pad on the roof. I hope you aren’t afraid of heights.”

Jonas’s communicator beeped as the Rodian started to look around, panicking.

“Chief!” Wynnefred’s voice came through. “The kriffing catering trucks have blocked us off! We have to go around!”  

“Dammit!” Jonas’s hand slammed against the table, checking the layout and realizing he’d been outplayed. “My backup team is more than a minute away!”  

Theron just looked up at the array of screens and smirked.

“Mine’s not.” He reached up and tapped the relay on his earpiece.

Even afterwards, even with the benefit of re-watching the recordings at reduced speed, Jonas could still barely comprehend what took place over the next two seconds.

One second, the Nikto and the Rodian were surrounded by four armed assailants, ready to restrain Rox and take him away the same way they had come, all while the young couple in the corner of the balcony continued to bask in each other’s company, completely oblivious to the abduction taking place behind them.

The next second, there was a veritable explosion of movement. The young couple were gone and Fhentar and all four of his accomplices had been knocked to the ground. As for Rox, the panicked Rodian had fallen to his knees and found himself flanked by a pair of bodyguards… each of them brandishing lightsabers.

Jedi. Jonas marveled to himself.

Other things registered to Jonas. The long dark wig had fallen from the brunette’s head - he now observed her short red hair - and was lying on the floor of the balcony, an obvious consequence of coming out of a Force leap. Her purse had likewise been discarded, and he realized that was likely where they had been hiding their weapons. He noted that the woman’s lightsaber was of the fluorescent green double-bladed variety, while the man brandished a pair of radiant blue sabers.

But these were all secondary observations to Jonas, as he watched all four assailants – apparently oblivious to the fact that they were completely outmatched – attempt to rise to their feet and to press the attack, only to be cut down in a flurry of brutally efficient lightsaber strikes.  

Apparently wiser than his fellows, Fhentar remained prone on the ground. Jonas could hear his lamentations through Rox’s audio device.  

“No! Not Jedi again!” he groaned, raising his hands in the air and plainly giving himself up.

Jonas was right about to turn to Theron in for an explanation when recognition dawned on him.

Wait.

Jonas’s eyes refocused on the man. The shade of his hair and eyes were off, and he was missing that distinctive scar going down his left cheek, but his physical build, the twin blue lightsabers and his red-headed companion…

Jonas’s jaw dropped in realization and he gaped.

“That’s the Hero of Tython!” he whirled on Theron.

Theron Shan was doing absolutely nothing to suppress his amusement.

“Yup. Colored contact lenses, some hair dye, and cosmetics. Plus a wig on Kira – his partner – obviously. No one in their right mind would ever expect to see a Jedi dressed like that.” Theron smiled. “I put a scan-blocker in Kira’s bag. Hutt security trains to look for blasters, knives and explosives, not for lightsabers.”

Jonas finally let out an exhale, realizing only then that he’d been holding his breath.

“I’d heard you’d been working with him.” He offered, turning back to his screens as the gears of his mind started to turn. “Not a perfect night, but its salvageable. Rox is still breathing and we took Fhentar alive. It shouldn’t be too hard to flip him, even without the recordings. Not ideal, but he should at least be able to give up some Imperial drop points.”

He nodded, turning back to Theron with a grateful smile.

“Well. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Theron chuckled. “Like you said, something about this exchange felt off. I might have waited too long to ‘call in the cavalry’ on Ziost, but I wasn’t going to make the same mistake here.”

“After all, everyone needs backup sometimes.”

“That we do. Please make sure to pass on my appreciation.” Jonas smiled back, then turned back to the monitoring station.

“So you had Halcyon and Carsen pose as a couple?”

Theron smirked boyishly, obviously pleased with himself at the deception.

“Clever, huh? I was worried they wouldn’t be able to pull it off, being Jedi and everything. But they were great out there. Hell, they could have fooled me.”

Jonas turned away from his fellow SIS agent, regarding the screens as Wynnefred and his team finally arrived to take Fhentar into custody and to deal with the bodies of the four fallen assailants. Despite the Nikto’s importance going forward, Jonas’s focus again zeroed in on the pair of young Jedi.

Halcyon was cautiously turning Fhentar over to the security team. Clearly, the Jedi Battlemaster wasn’t taking chances. Carsen was standing beside him, positioned protectively over Rox. But their postures were aligned towards each other; Halcyon turned just so his wide stance was open to Carsen, who likewise was turned towards him, her eyes gazing up at him affectionately as he conferred with Jonas’s backup team leader.

Theron Shan was one of the cleverest intelligence operatives Jonas knew, and he was nearly as good an analyst. But sometimes, he couldn’t see the forest from the trees.

For once though, Jonas decided to keep his observations to himself.

Well. At least somebody’s going to bed happy tonight. He suspected, with an envious look back at the couple.

 Author’s Notes: I just take it as a given that Theron and Jonas once had a brief thing.

Fhentar shows up on Taris during the Imperial Agent story, serving the memorable Ki Sazen. Obviously, in my legacy, he survived his encounter with Cipher Nine. Unfortunately for him, his new employers don’t appear to be much better than the old ones. Rox and Balkar’s subordinates are my own creation.

The mention of Havoc Squad’s trip to the Star Cluster Casino for the SIS is obviously a reference to the Trooper’s class mission to Nar Shaddaa.

The Euphoric Corellian armor set is a real thing. It’s probably illegal on some planets.

Rodians get shafted in this game and in the greater Star Wars universe in general. So I feel bad for piling on.

Tagging people who expressed interests - @swtorshipping​ , @swtor-writers-guild​ , @raven-of-domain-kwaad​ , @ask-an-andalite​ , @a-muirehen​ , @taraum​ , @theravenassassin95​ , @sleepswithvillains​ , @blueburds​ , @sunnysayshello​

[dancedance-resolution]

Why Batwoman 2x01 was so good:

1. The writers managed to strike a great balance between paying respect to Kate Kane and introducing Ryan. Kate Kane as a character is, of course, significant to DC. She’s an important source of representation as a Jewish lesbian, and she has a large legacy/mythos within the larger DC Comics history. Batwoman first showed respect to Kate as a character by wisely chosing to not kill her off. Next, there’s one scene where Ryan is reading up on Kate, developing new understanding and respect in the process, and every few seconds the camera cuts over to where Mary and Luke are reading up on Ryan, similarly gaining understanding and respect for Ryan. I think this scene effectively facilitate the batsuit’s—as a mantle, as a symbol, and as a mythos—being passed on to Ryan. It paid a large amount of respect to Kate as a character, pointing out some of the most significant aspects of her character, and sort of drew Ryan into Kate’s mythos as Batwoman in a way that helps facilitate her becoming Batwoman - she comes to learn and respect the history and the gravity of Batwoman as a person, as an entity, as a figure of justice, and as an icon; and as a result, she can now carry on that legacy and expand it, using it to bring even more good to the world.

But even before she learned about Kate, Ryan respected her. When Ryan first met Mary and Luke, she offers genuine condolences for their loss. She doesn’t disrespect them or make light of their grief. Even though these two people are strangers,

In the process of paying due respect to Kate, however, Batwoman did not minimize Ryan or treat her as “second” to Kate. Ryan got a significant amount of screentime and focus—as she should—and her time on screen was all truly meaningful. We’ve begun to see her backstory, see who she is as a person, and see what that will mean for her as Batwoman.

2. Ryan is a lovable character, and Javicia did an excellent job portraying her. I love Ryan a lot, guys. She’s passionate, earnest, and driven. She’s down-to-earth and has a strong sense of justice that leads her through life. And at the same time, she’s a charming dork - the type of charming dork who yells “I’m bulletproof, bitches!” after dangling helplessly from the sky by a grappling hook. I, obviously, fucking love her for it.

I also think that the writers did a great job of keeping the vibe of season 1 to a good extent. The way Ryan was introduced felt like a proper introduction considering what we know about this show’s Gotham and considering how things were done in season 1. It worked well. Additionally, it is not lost on me how meaningful it is that from Ryan’s very first scene, we see that her instinct is to selflessly help victims to the best of her ability, and it is because she went out to help them that she stumbled upon the Batsuit. Furthermore, in that scene where she does discover the suit, the flashbacks establish that this moment in meaningful beyond just this one moment of time - it has connection to Ryan’s history and motivations for becoming Batwoman. During the DC Fandome this past summer, Caroline Dries said this season would deal with destiny. I think that that first scene was a great way to introduce it as a concept without taking away any of the sense that Ryan truly deserves this mantle as well. (One last side note - the use of music and sound effects in that first scene was excellent.)

While the writers certainly deserve a good bit of credit for creating this amazing character from scratch, I think Javicia also deserves a lot of credit here - she did an absolutely stunning job as Ryan. The charm I saw in Ryan was very similar to the goofy charm she brought to Ali in God Friended Me (which I loved, by the way), and those lighter scenes were played with the same adeptness as the dark, intense, and gutwrenchingly emotional scenes.

3. Batwoman acknowledged Alice’s grief and trauma in a way that also gave viewers some closure regarding season 1 matters. I think that Alice’s grief process was written pretty well considering her already existing trauma. And that succinct summary of Alice’s plan to get her dad to kill Kate was pretty clever on the writer’s part, as it gave us some closure regarding season 1’s goings on that were interrupted by COVID (and that were unable to be seen to completion since Kate Kane is no longer Batwoman).

4. The episode had many powerful moments. Some quotes that really struck me:

“You make it sound like these are all my choices...You wanna know why I haven’t paid my fines? Because I can’t find a job. Because I don’t have a home. Because no land lord wants to rent to an ex-con on post-release. You see how this works? No one cares that the dope wasn’t mine or that the Crows were dirty. Or that I’m actually a decent human. I am a file in your cabinet. That is not having power. That is thr very definition of powerless.” This line is made all the more powerful by the fact that Ryan’s first words upon donning the Batsuit are “Time to be powerful.”

“Trust me, I know I’m not a symbol, or a name, or a legacy...I am a number. I am the 327th baby of a Black woman who died of childbirth that year. I am a twenty-dollar-a-day check to a group home. I’m Inmate 4075 serving eighteen months for a crime I didn’t commit. But I can live with all those numbers because the mama who adopted me? I was her number one. But it turns out she’s just one of a quarter million murders in this country who have not seen justice. And that is a number I can’t live with.”

“I’m bulletproof, bitches!”

5. Batwoman has a truly excellent supporting cast. I know that a significant portion of the Batwoman fandom has been in love with Mary, Luke, and Alice since day one. One common fear within the fandom was that season 2 would feel like a completely different show, but at least in this episode, that wasn’t the case. The supporting characters were all prominently featured and given a good amount of emotional depth to cover - and seeing their journey helped the show feel familiar and helped carry us viewers over into this new era of Batwoman. And because the transition from Kate to Ryan was so well done, as I discussed in point 1, I didn’t feel like there was any absence or lacking in the show.

6. They did a great job carrying over that Kryptonite storyline from last season. In fact, it makes a lot more sense to me now. I was admittedly a bit confused by the whole Kryptonite storyline last season (it felt a bit like a mere device to facilitate Kate’s relationship with Kara - which, hey, I’m not complaining; I loved that friendship and think they should have hooked up once). Perhaps it was confusing since COVID cut it short. But whatever the reason, I’m glad that I now understand the deeper purpose behind this Kryptonite storyline. And, wow, this has the potential to be super cool and interesting!

7. They called out the Crows in a meaningful way. I think I’m not the only person who is a bit uncomfortable with the Crows in both concept and practice (yes, I do understand that they’re based on the comics, though). So I really appreciated—and found it super powerful—that it was Ryan who delivered the line “The Crows were dirty.” Sometimes I get confused as to whether Batwoman is portraying the Crows as good or bad, so lines like that give me comfort in knowing that the show at the very least acknowledges the problematic nature of an overmilitarized private police force that has been contracted out to have dominion over a city whose population includes a significant amount of low income people.

8. Bonus: They did good by the shippers. Batmoore shippers got some closure by observing Sophie’s grief process and hearing the letter Kate left her. Pennymoore shippers are certainly getting emotional and significant content for their ship. And for clowns like me, the show introduced a great new ship, Mary/Ryan, that I adore even though I know it won’t be canoning, lol.

[cardentist]

I’ve seen people joking about how fucked up it is that jay leaked tim’s medical records for a while now, and it Is very funny, but I’ve also seen it presented as genuine criticism of him as a character. which aren’t Wrong necessarily, I’m not about to start excusing doxing people, but they never really examine it within the wider context of the situation. which not every post Has to do, it’s valuable to say “that was fucked up” and leave it at that, especially when talking about how that would’ve impacted tim specifically. but it gets problematic when it comes to meta making a value judgement for him as a person.

the short of it is, people Severely underestimate the effects of both the operator sickness and the mental toll of his experiences in general on jay’s mental health and how they influence his actions. yes it Was a shitty thing for jay to do, and his mental health being Not Great doesn’t change that his actions have consequences that affect other people, but some people look at it like it says something about jay’s morality and not his severe paranoia.

this is relevant because people don’t talk about the more visibly mentally ill and traumatized characters the same way. for instance, I’ve never seen anyone call out brian for being the one to dig up tim’s medical records in the first place, likely by stealing them from his house, and deliberately send them to jay in the most cryptic and disorienting way possible. which on the one hand I Get it, I don’t think we’ll be seeing a callout post for alex’s property damage any time soon, but it’s not only hypocritical (especially in this case when brian was Absolutely enabling and pushing jay to do exactly what he did) but it points to a larger problem of symptoms of jay’s mental health going unnoticed As symptoms because his poor mental health is less obvious.

jay’s perspective gets lost in hindsight (everyone loves tim and they Should), but to be frank he had every right to be suspicious of tim at that point in time. I go over more or less his entire twitter here (Link) for anyone unfamiliar, but I wanna put this in perspective

at this point jay has spent Years looking for someone who actively tried (and possibly succeeded) to murder his friends, who then held him at gunpoint after he tricked him into thinking he was on his side for months on end. jay didn’t suspect or Remember anything alex had done to him or around him or to anyone he knew before he started looking through the tapes. he’s been in a continuous life or death situation, both with a monster and with a person that he thought he could trust.

moreover, his relationship with totheark has always been uncertain. while totheark very clearly hates alex they’ve also been openly antagonistic with him for reasons he doesn’t have the context to understand. tim as masky has broken into his house, charged at him at mach speed, and featured in Several vaguely threatening videos directed at him. the most Prominent being entry ####, which had totheark threatening him overly and directly proceeded his apartment burning down. he’d have no reason to know or assume that it was alex when it happened and alex wouldn’t commit More arson until he was already dead. it would be stranger if jay Didn’t think that totheark burned his apartment down.

and the stalking, the literal constant stalking. in hindsight we as the audience know the mask boys were doing it to protect him, but it didn’t help his paranoia a single iota. jay’s first interaction with masky was him gargoyling in his house watching him sleep. jay hotel hopped because no matter where he was he didn’t feel safe, and he was proven Correct time and time again. when he’d spend too long in a hotel he’d wake up with his previously locked door wide open. after he’d slept. and when he sleeps in his car hoodie literally films him and posts it. and when he watches the tapes? hoodie and masky are always there following him when he’s with alex, and alex is more than capable of finding his hotel and room number to send him a package directly.

jay doesn’t feel safe at any point or with anyone. we See how paranoid he is around total strangers who just happen to be walking in the woods so of Course he’s going to be uncomfortable around tim after his experiences with masky. tim was right to be mad about the stalking and the lying, but that doesn’t change the fact that jay did what he had to for his own protection. he doesn’t know what tim’s mask state is or how much he does or doesn’t know, what he’s lying about and what he wants. alex spent months lying to him, had spent years lying to everyone around him. once that level of trust is broken it’s hard to go back, and in this case he genuinely had reasons to believe that tim could be dangerous.

and that’s just it, a lot of his earlier awkwardness and unfairness around tim is, yes, in part issues with empathy (jay reads as autistic harder than some canonical autistic characters I’ve seen). but it’s Also a traumatized person being filled with supernaturally charged paranoia trying to figure out if he’s Safe, if he’s being Lied to, if he’s about to be Hurt. it’s unfair in hindsight, but jay didn’t Have hindsight at the moment. (for instance, jay pointing out that tim was uncomfortable in the hospital despite not remembering what happened there. it is insensitive but it’s also pretty clearly jay trying to figure out if tim is lying about what he knows. he doesn’t know about tim’s childhood trauma at this point so it brings up the possibility of tim remembering what happened that night on tape.)

moreover, this is coming After jay lost 7 months of his life to traumatic memory loss, including the fact that he was almost Murdered. anything that wasn’t caught on tape is gone forever. most of his time on the set of marble hornets is gone forever (he didn’t even remember that alex’s mood had changed). and people have been breaking in to his stuff since the beginning. he can’t trust his own senses and he can’t trust that anything he tapes and doesn’t post won’t be stolen or broken or burned.

so when totheark leads him on a chase to find Secret Documents after making it clear that tim really has been lying to him after all he takes it, he films it, and he posts it. so he can keep himself safe, so he can trust that he won’t forget it, so he can move one step closer to saving someone whose death he feels responsible for.

it was not fair to tim, it wasn’t the Reasonable thing to do, but it was probably the Smart thing for someone in his position to do and it was certainly what he had to do to feel safe.

people Really need to contextualize the things that jay does in the context of his situation, his paranoia, and his mental illness. those things don’t Excuse his actions but they explain them and you really can’t understand his character without it

[nexyra]

Okay so This is just a way to let out some frustration so I can put it out there and stop mulling on it bc I'm bad at this sort of stuff - Feel free to ignore it

I'm putting this under Read More; if your fav past-time is to call anyone who likes Ironwood's character or was disappointed by his V8 turn to villainy a stupid bootlicker who "should have seen the signs he was always a tyrant !!" please don't interact with this post. You're ultimately free to think what you want but honestly I see enough of that in the main tag when left alone, I don't need it on my blog it doesn't make me feel good.

Anyone else... well you can read if you're interested but you don't have to either. Feel free to respectfully disagree though, I'm not that bullheaded that I can't partake in a friendly argument =) I'll just be listing some things about Ironwood's reading by the FNDM who get old or draining as someone who doesn't like the V8-characterization they went with

Can people please stop just... copy/pasting real world issues on a world/characters that have nothing to do with them or a completely different context ?

Like,, I genuinely try to educate myself on real-world issues. I know I'm rather privileged so I try to listen and hear out people who speak out about the issues they live through day by day. I know why the "ACAB" moniker exists. I understand the problem that lies within the american police system (and likely other countries as well). I see why the army, on our blue planet, is criticized & its many failings. Etc, the list can go on...

But I'm sorry to say, Remnant isn't OUR Earth. Their Army's primary job is to fight actual evil soulless monsters, not people. The Ace Opps or Huntsmen are not an organization directly inherited from slave-hunting groups. James Ironwood isn't the US army general bombing Middle East. Clover Ebi isn't the racist cop you want in prison. So WHY are they treated as such by so many people ? Stories are not a 1-1 where you can take everything you know and just apply it to a completely different world.

Has Atlas been presented as a country that suffers from racism & classism ? Certainly. Has it be shown this way ? That's already more debatable since the only racist arguments we got were in Mantle (which is the city we're supposed to be rooting for so that's a weird choice but eh it's whatever). Are the characters, as persons, shown to evoke these issues in a way that deserve our scorn ? Not really.

Is Ironwood depicted as particularly racist for example ? I wouldn't say so seeing as one (or more considering Tortuga) of his Ace-Opps are Faunus & it seems perfectly accepted; and he hates Jacques Schnee's guts. So why does he get to shoulder all of our real-world issues as if he was responsible for them, in a context where (pre V8) his army had most likely never killed anything else than Grimm and was shown to elicit very positive reactions from most of the population (V3) ? (In direct contrast to the polarization that the US army might evoke for example.)

You can totally hate Ironwood because of the feelings he evoke, the trope he stems from or the parallels to be made. That doesn't mean however, that he IS truly guilty of every one of OUR world issues (pre-V8)

Just because classism is prevalent in Atlas society does not make Ironwood the figurehead & leader of this issue.

Is classism an issue in Atlas ? Yes. That's been made clear because of Mantle's state as well as Jacques Schnee entire existence & even Cinder's backstory. Does that mean every single one of Ironwood's decisions reeks of classism ? NO

Trust me, as someone who found Ironwood's V8 characterization not... well-executed & too much; there's nothing more annoying than being assaulted by posts about his fall going "it was so obvious !! look at -" only for them to then list reasons in a really biased way or even headcannons based on (again) irl problems. An exemple...

Reasons his turn was good that I see thrown around : "Ironwood left Mantle behind because he only wanted to save the rich. He's a selfish coward & an asshole !"

What we were actually given : "Ironwood suffers from PTSD, and faced with Salem's imminent arrival, he tried to save what he was CERTAIN to be able to protect aka the flying city and all the people on it including Mantle evacuees. There is absolutely no text backing the idea that he wanted to leave with Atlas because it's rich. We could even suppose that he would have left with the 'poor' Mantle if it was the flying city and rich people were hanging safely on the ground. There is indeed an issue with Atlas & Mantle disparity, but Ironwood isn't directly responsible for it."

Does that make his decision to leave Mantle behind a morally right one ? That's of course NOT what I'm saying. The situation is still very ambiguous. But the classism theme has NO place here.

"Ironwood leads Atlas & Mantle. As such, he inherently holds responsability for the issues plaguing it." THIS is an acceptable reading according to me. I would probably argue that even if Ironwood's the only Atlas leader we're shown; he actually only oversees the military & academy (where we haven't ever seen classism issues), so putting Atlas' classism issues on him still doesn't sound fair to me. However the idea & argument is sound.

Acknowledging only how his actions look/the tyrannical surface reading and not the reasonnable justifications or glimpses we were given (pre-V7) of Ironwood being more than his trope

I'll probably stop after this one, but the last thing that is both tiring & annoying after too much of it; is seeing people boil down all of Ironwood's character to the most basic summary, inherently written to paint him in a bad line. And then saying that everything led up to his downfall by using these watered-down versions of the show's events to justify it. Or worse (imo), saying that people who are not satisfied with his V8 characterization that THEY don't understand how good a character he is and don't really appreciate him.... All the while only ever highlighting his characters flaws. Please stop this.

"Ironwood brought an army to the peace Olympics why are you surprised he turned out this way ?" ==> Ironwood brought an army to a country where the civilians visibly have no issue with said-army, to protect a peaceful event that he KNOWS to be targeted by foes. It's definitely overzealous & his conviction that threats should be dealt with by blunt force IS one of his flaws; but pretending that he did it for fun or because he's a tyran is just as misplaced.

"Ironwood said he'd shoot Qrow if he were one of his men why are you surprised he shot Oscar ?" ==> Do I really need to flip through every joke in this show and consider it as absolute truth & proof that the character would enact these words if given the occasion; even when we're shown with certainty that they actually don't mean it ? (IW hugging Qrow to welcome him, refusing to attack Qrow when he's certain Qrow IS attacking him...)

"Ironwood has his military all over Mantle, there's a curfew, all of this is tyrannical why are you surprised he's also down for genocide" ==> Damn, it sure is criminal to have Mantle defended from the litteral monsters roaming inside & out, and to make sure with a curfew that the people are not at risk during the night. I wonder if any recent events could make us reconsider our stance on how evil a enforced curfew is. Mhmmm maybe a pandemic ? Nah I must be imagining things. For real though, at what point did Tyrian's framing/lies (IW has his soldiers all over Mantle because of politics/he's a tyran who refuses opposition) became the truth of the situation for the FDNM too ? Again Mantle's situations SUCK, and that's a problem in itself. Making up problematic reasoning for the situation is dishonest though.

To end this, I'll just make clear. I do not condone any of Ironwood's actions post-V7. I don't think he had to be the big hero of the Atlas arc. Nor that he was without faults. I merely think that he'd have been a better antagonist than villain. And that it'd have been nice to keep the ambiguity/morally greyness that surrounds him; the knowledge that he's TRYING hard to do what's best for everyone; that he has good intentions. That he cares about individuals too to a lesser degree, and that he had people who cared about him as a person.

For short... Ironwood as an antagonist with understandable issues, flaws & failures; making questionable choices but with good intentions ? Hell yeah. Ironwood as a villain, more irredeemable than Hazel, willing to kill people for NO reason or even wipe out a city ? I'm not convinced.

[wrightaboutthat]

Unnecessary Yearning ~A Narumitsu One-Shot~

Summary: "You should have heard him talking about you after the Steel Samurai case! He kept saying 'Wright...Wright...Wright' over and over!"

Stricken with new feelings, Edgeworth attempts to carry on with his work and make do. Only, visions of a certain attorney lead to methods turning a little less than professional.

Written from Miles' POV.

Tags: Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Longing, Arousal, It's what the kids call, Denial, Mr 'I'm saddled with unnecessary feelings' Edgeworth lol like YEAH OKAY SIR, How's that going for you, Canon Compliant, Yearning

Additional Notes: Hello everyone! This is my first work in the Ace Attorney fandom. Glad to be tipping my toes into the universe, and super excited to finally be writing the boys. Thank you so much for reading! <3

You can also read the work on AO3 here [x]

It’s going to be a long night. My brain feels utterly thick and heavy from all which weighs down on me: evidence to sift through, cases to win, and losses to be recuperated. The latter two earn a stiffening of my figure, bits of bitter venom surging through my veins to match. I try not to mull over them too much however, what with all the deeper implications they carry. No; far too complex and far too unnecessary.

I instead focus on the present, focus on the current matters that await within my office. My silver gaze momentarily scans the various files atop my desk, before drifting over to my stewing tea. I straighten a bit, attempting to hone in on the delightful fumes, the tantalizing call of work to be done..

...But still, does my mind feel oddly muddied. Unsurprisingly, a scowl furrows my face as a result. 

Walking to grab the warm tea, I momentarily turn my attention towards the world beyond my window. The lights of the city below glimmer and flash as activity bustles on. The last bits of setting sunlight cast dramatic colors upon the horizon. Unfortunately though, as I continue to stare, something else tantalizingly flashes within the reflective sheen. Or someone else, rather.

Him. Him.

Ahh. The man who rose from the ashes of my past. The man who viciously inserted himself back into my life. The man who dared to make me question my own reality. So he’s to blame. He’s the culprit. He’s the reason behind the present strangeness. He was indeed the trigger behind previous emotional oddities, so it only makes sense that he’s tormenting me now.

...Or does it?

My frown grows- particularly when the swirling imagery doesn’t fade away. In fact, it grows all the more detailed, all the more vivid. It’s like my brain genuinely teases me for a few fleeting moments, letting me see him and all that he is. That sickeningly corny grin on his face. The way he sheepishly runs his fingers through his hair. The image of him behind me, slamming us into the very surface providing such visions...

I startle something terrible, backing away with a bubbling mixture of revulsion. How unexpected and heinous. How dare he. How dare he affect me so. How dare he insert himself into my workplace where he’s not welcome. 

And how ludicrous that I let him.

I clench my jaw and walk back to my desk, fingers knotted through my hair. There’s work to be done. There are matters to attend to. There are things that call for my attention. And none of them should deal with him.

But they do. Dammit, of course they do; with my subconscious stumbling from their presence, they scream the loudest of all. They dare to surge to the forefront. Because while case papers are visibly scattered before me, while knowledge swims within, he’s there in front. Flashing before my trembling vision, waltzing to the tip of my subconscious, and settling in the worst possible manner between the apex of my thighs.

No...

This cannot be happening. There’s no possible way this can be happening. I try to think of something else, anything else. All the work that needs to be done. That vile security guard from our case prior. But I can almost hear him chuckle at my lackadaisical efforts. And thus, does my strangely bewitched body mewl in delight, persuading me to hopelessly swell further.

I fume and begin to walk around the room, hoping to shake it off. Perhaps laps will serve me better. Perhaps getting my blood flowing will pull it from more problematic locations. But alas, I see him, I hear him, I feel him. I begin to bulge something terrible against my pants, the tight fabric no longer comfortable. It’s painful even, especially with all my movement, chaffing and rubbing atrociously.

But I don’t want to give in. I don’t want to fall into such vile acts. I don’t want him to hold such power over me.

And yet...

It’s like he materializes behind me, his hands gently yet firmly grasping my hips. He stills my furious stride, before I can practically feel his breath against my ear.

“You’re a mess, you know that?”

I grit my teeth. I want to argue. I want to deny it. But when I feel his hands starting to guide mine, when I’m lead to the fly of my pants, I really have no objections to his point. I can feel his grin against my neck then, and I can’t help myself; I shudder despite the rampant denial.

I still try and stop. I still try and hesitate. But the more I wait, the more painful it gets. The more I stall, the more vivid the visions become. A confusing and overwhelming mixture of emotion bubbles up then. I’m furious, but desperate. Appalled, yet curious. I consider things just a second more...

And then I’m deliciously coaxed; with my back facing the window, with my body towering over my desk, I unzip myself and allow the product of his doing to spring free.

The typical groan of relief departs my throat, but it’s hushed, captured as I bite my lip. A second later, my brow furrows something fierce, continuing to dance between enjoyment and revulsion.

“You’re cute when you’re mad,” I can picture him saying, leading to a furious blush and stronger swell. Would he say such a thing? I cannot be certain, yet all rings clear within my subconscious. So much so that I growl at him.

“Shut up, Wright...”

“Yeah yeah. Now shhh,” he murmurs back through reveries, “Just enjoy yourself, Miles.”

Miles.

My name, so rarely uttered, growled off his lecherous tongue...

My eyes roll, and I grasp myself then. I wrap my fingers around the taut, soft skin. I firmly grab the stiffness was as he likely would. And it takes every bit of my power to not release a growling groan into the quietness of my office.

My office.

My eyes, slick with both a furious and midnight sheen, fly back open at the notion. I stare at myself in horror, stare at how utterly erect I am. All because of him. All because of him. 

I grit my teeth; how long will this dreaded back and forth go on? And which side will come out on top? Naturally, I careen for the reasonable, for the chaste maturity. But unfortunately, and unbelievably, my mind is no match for my body. My mind is no match for his spell. Because just as my grip lessens, he manifests behind me once more.

“I worry about you. You work way too hard, Miles,” he subconsciously murmurs in my ear, his vocals deeper and more honeyed than usual.

“Wright...”

“I like you saying my name like that,” he chuckles, and I can almost feel the flick of his tongue against my earlobe, “But I like you putting all your troubles to the side even more. So relax, dammit. Don’t be such a hardass...”

His tease, his care, his sultriness...It’s all too real. It all feels too real. I release another growl of frustration, but feel myself being tugged into the rabbit hole further. I begin to relent, begin to cave, allowing his very image to guide me down and down and down.

And so when I finally begin to move, when I finally begin to pull and tug, it’s entirely his essence.

He works me. He strokes me deeply. He topples my body towards the awaiting mahogany desk. Though I wish to deny it, though I wish to bellow in protest, it feels...utterly incredible, like it never has before. It’s intense, and electrifying, and unbelievably arousing. Once more are my eyes rolled away from view, noises of pleasure circulating around my chest. I have to fight against them, swallow them down, but yet again, does the attorney come out on top. The vision of his fingers, of his work, naturally pulls a centered vocalization from my lips.

“Wright...” I growl, “Wright...Wright...”

I’m rewarded with his voice in my ear once more. “Just like that...Fuck, Miles...”

My stomach clenches; would he even stoop to such naughty vocabulary? Would he even dirty his softer tongue so? Hearing it feels forbidden, yet so very divine. My hips practically buck, riding the reverie and falling deeper.

“Wright...Wright...Wright...”

The passes become harder, faster. His name grows louder, deeper. My mind falls grayer, darker. But of course, similar patterns are followed. Of course, the tug-of-war that is my reality is suddenly yanked in the opposing direction once more.

Because a series of loud raps on my door yanks me far harder than my own hand, startling me something terrible. My head whips up towards the mahogany barrier just in time to hear the reason, the culprit.

“Mr. Edgeworth, sir?”

Magma still burns in my veins. Evidence still twitches betwixt my fingers. His voice still moans in my brain. So very quickly, despite it all, do I bellow back to the damned detective.

“NOT NOW.”

Despite the fire I’m standing in, I can feel the saddened deflation on the other side of the door.

“B-but, sir...”

“PAYCHECK, GUMSHOE,” I snarl, attempting to instill as much threat and as little waver as possible.

He whimpers like a gloomy pup, before finally, thankfully, backing away.

“Y-yes, sir...”

His footsteps depart, but a bit of my fantasy is stolen along with him. It’s like pieces of foggy bliss are yanked out the door and down the hallway, loosening my grip on myself and the situation. Am I safe? Am I free from them?

As if to taunt, I feel myself twitch, and he manifests once more. I feel him again: the heightened movements of his panting chest against me, the ragged groans in my ear, the twinge of his teeth against my neck...

No. Safe from Gumshoe’s interruption perhaps, but still locked deep in the throes of Wright’s intrusion. How utterly strong he is. How much of a hold he has on me...

“Nngg...”

I groan in both frustration and persistent arousal. I want to stop. I want to latch on to the interruption and calm back down. But I can’t. I’m transfixed. He has me.

“Accursed attorney...” I growl through my teeth.

Right on cue, I can see that smug grin of his, sending droves of new warmth barreling down my body. And thus, does the cycle begin again. It only takes a few strokes to fully get back into it, but then I’m unimpeded, unshakeable beneath his spell. The angry, shaky breaths manifest once more, and my hips are coaxed back into movement.

I’m what they would refer to as “pent-up” I suppose, everything zinging to life at the thought of that damn man. His energy, his confidence, his very essence...

My lips curl into a snarl, coupled with the tightening of my hand. Anger and disgust towards the situation does no good; in fact, it only serves to amplify. And as such, I’m thrown into an endless loop, the fiery emotions driving me higher and higher. The more I push away, the more he pulls. The more he pulls, the higher the inferno roars. I’m practically jerking, practically trying to fight against the inevitable. But it’s no use.

I can see myself furiously pounding him into the very desk I’m leant upon. I can picture him folding me over the couch and having his way with my sorry form. I can imagine my angry body knelt before him, marveling in what I’m about to consume...

My entire lower half gives a mighty quake, and I tighten in a plethora of places. I’m going to finish. He’s going to make me finish. My ebony-soaked eyes reel about my surroundings, before flashing with a realization. I need to capture the evidence. I need to halt its sullying path. I need to be utterly inconspicuous about this.

So in perhaps the last allowed second of logical thinking, I snatch a handkerchief off my desk and blanket it over the incrimination. And there I hold as I utterly plummet into flames. My face wretches, my muscles tense, and consequently, comes a most forbidden hiss.

“Phoenix!”

And out it all spills. My anger, my deeper complexities, those wretched feelings...It floods against my fingers and into the handkerchief, my vision flashing white with every sharp burst. My jaw clenches something terrible, the temptation to yell through the release so very tantalizing. But I stay hushed. I manage to keep it contained to shivering grunts and rolling snarls. Instead, my body takes the brunt, my hips jutting with each intense crest. My legs begin to liquify, and my form begins to shake, so with a final spurt, do I collapse forward on my desk with a hand, the wretched evidence in the other.

I heave and gasp through the aftershocks, straining for normalcy to return. I claw my way down from the mountain, trying to get away from the outrageous act. It’s very difficult to do so when I can picture him stroking me into utter completion, whispering lecherous praises and deeper affections into my ear...

I straighten myself and slam my hand on the desk, disgust desperately surging through my veins to block it all out. One look at the soiled handkerchief and my equally dirtied hand amplifies this, my face contorting into a deep scowl.

I was really just enraptured by my urges like some hotheaded grade schooler. I really just turned my place of work into a place of dirtied fun. I really just pleasured myself because of him.

Because of Phoenix Wright.

Damn him. Damn him damn him damn him...

My clean hand comes to capture my face, my fingers harshly grasping my temples. I take a moment to hide away from it all, perhaps in a better attempt to deal with the rampant feelings flowing through. Regret, disgust, anger...But where the icy emotions exist, as do the fiery still, to my dismay. Deeper desire, longing, yearning...

I’m no better off from such an act. The more primitive urges are satiated, yes, but I’m still atrociously in limbo, atrociously in the middle.

I tuck myself back in, clean my hand with tissues, and throw the wretched handkerchief away. I focus on adjusting my attire, on straightening my cravat, on re-composing myself...

...Yet I still find myself unable to do much else than stand with both hands leant against my desk, deep in thought and emotions. I heave a harsh sigh, trying so hard to make sense of it all.

How did this happen? Why did seeing him after all these years lead to this? How could I be so foolish? I doubt we’re really even considered friends, and he’s certainly not...mine.

My eyes widen at the mere thought, before I force further bile to manifest. No. He’s not. And he won’t be. He’s my rival, if anything. Nothing more. Perhaps I was simply carried away by the excitement of our banter, the passion brought to the table. Perhaps my body simply craved an outlet for stress and tension. Yes.

But despite the logic that presents itself, despite the perfectly sound explanation, I still can’t move. I still can’t put it aside and simply get back to work. Nor can I rid my thoughts of that idiotic, passionate, absurd, torturous man.

Dammit indeed.

[lowkeyorloki]

quick and random q for no reason at all other than my own interest :) what's your opinion on 'separating the art from the artist'? (like should they be separated in your opinion)

Hi anon! Thanks for the ask, I love discussion and discourse. You’re welcome to approach me for my opinion on anything - the only reason I’d refrain from answering would be if I felt like I didn’t have enough information on the subject to give an appropriate response. I’m a HUGE proponent of differing opinions and conversation. 

Also, just because we delve into morals a bit here, I’m an Ethics minor. It feels relevant to say that.

Ultimately, I think it depends on what the art (or media) is. I used to see this as a very black and white issue, but as I’ve gotten older and become a little less extreme in all my beliefs, I’ve realized this is something that resides in the gray area (like most issues). 

Basically, if there’s a way to consume the media in an educational way, I think that’s worth pursuing. For example, I HATE the book 1984 by George Orwell. I think the writing style is tedious, I think Orwell had a superiority complex, and I think the portrayal of Winston’s treatment of women is absolutely abhorrent (mostly because Winston is supposed to be the good guy, and his views towards women is never said to be a bad thing). I used to think because of that last reason, the book shouldn’t be taught in schools. 

Now, I would absolutely support swapping the book out for a novel written by a woman or POC, but that’s not what this conversation is about. When I really started to analyze the text, I realized that going over Winston’s behavior with a class and explaining why what he did/thought was wrong would be hugely beneficial. It would teach young boys not to internalize sexism like Winston does, and it would lay the foundation for them to see, recognize, and address shitty behavior. Furthermore, then the lesson of censorship of 1984, which is a super important one, isn’t completely wiped away and rendered useless. In my mind, there’s two lessons being taught this way. 

It gets a bit different when 1) we aren’t taught about the media, ie, the audience is given no guidance, and 2) the creator of said media isn’t dead. A lot of times, for me personally, the deciding factor of whether I’m going to keep consuming something comes down to if the creator/art is problematic or morally corrupt. Because morality is subjective, it’s hard for me to defend that point. What you find problematic I might find to be an actual bad thing, and vice versa.

But let’s talk about things within the context of the Loki fandom, because this is a Loki blog. It’s no secret that as a general statement, reader insert fics are written for a very specific audience, and more often than not, authors end up alienating POC readers for adding descriptions of y/n’s “pale skin” or “blushing cheeks” etc. etc.

There have been a lot of Loki authors who have had readers kindly approach them saying, “Hey, this detail makes it really hard for me to see myself in the fic. Would you mind taking it out?” And so far, I have only seen authors react defensively. They’ll launch into a speech about how what they create is free, how they ask for feedback that’s constructive, and overall create a victim mentality. Now, those points are valid, but only if you’re getting HATE. Hate and genuine feedback are very different things, and I’ve never seen any author get hate in this situation that we’re currently talking about. 

In cases like this, I unfollow these authors and I never like or reblog their fics again. I could absolutely continue to consume their writing: it’s not like those descriptions are going to appear in every single fic they ever write, and I’m also not directly impacted by this issue (I just have. You know. Empathy). However, I will not support someone in any capacity when I observe them belittling and hurting other people for going to them with valid and kindly presented feedback (ESPECIALLY if the group giving constructive feedback is marginalized). If I were to consume those author’s works, if I were to boost their note count in any way, I am telling them the following:

Your behavior is okay. 

And I don’t think it is. When I observe people hurting others and refusing to correct their behavior, I’m not going to give them that implicit reassurance that they didn’t do anything wrong. 

The crux of the “should we separate the art from the artist” argument for me is that we usually (usually) should NOT separate the two because in some way, the artist benefits from your consumption. And if what they have done is genuinely harming people, they have to be held accountable. More often than not, the only way to do that is limit your consumption so there is an impact on their (job, hobby, morals, mindset, etc. etc.).

Of course, I always support and encourage talking to the artist first in some way. It’s when they reject help and education I think it’s time to stop supporting them.

Let me know what you think of my answer, and anyone else is free to weigh in as well :)

[gayregis]

how do i ignore all the misogyny in the witcher books? they're much better than the netflix show storywise but there is so much gross stuff compared to what i usually read/watch

hi!! thank you for the ask, this is a very important topic to address, though i believe you are asking the wrong question. the matter is not how to ignore the misogyny in the witcher and other pieces of media, but rather how to confront it and face it head-on.

i don’t believe in making excuses for the media i consume when it has “problematic elements” to it. this isn’t meant to be taken as an excuse to “consume anything you like,” because i would not engage with something insidious in its nature (such as media that revolves around and is based upon harmful stereotypes or insensitive jokes and cannot exist without this, some examples of this are infamous things that i’ve seen discussed on this site like captive prince, cmbyn, and hazbin hotel). instead this is about when a piece of media is good overall in nature (the witcher has many anti-war, anti-violence, anti-imperialist themes and messages relating to family, childhood, friendship, and love) but has elements that are the results of the author’s personal biases.

i think before i address how to deal with the misogyny, i’ll actually define what misogyny exists within the witcher books, to be more specific about what we are talking about, and also to do the work of addressing the misogyny in the books:

how the women in the witcher are treated as characters and how they are depicted by the author.

there are a few good points in this subject. characters such as yennefer and ciri are very strong characters who receive a lot of development over the course of the series, and are main characters that are integral to the plot. they demonstrate both strengths and weaknesses, virtues and vices. they have depth and are not one-dimensional characters, especially as they become more and more complex over the course of the series.

blatant sexualization of women when it’s inappropriate or irrelevant, descriptions of female characters’ looks or bodies that male characters would not have received.

bizzare standards for what is beautiful for a woman, including body descriptions (“triss’s waist measured 22”) and extreme focus on youth and the age cusp of around 15 to 18 as being the most attractive for a woman (stated in-universe, even though this could be excused as being what is normal in the 1200s, keep in mind that this is the author’s decision to impliment this standard into their society). 

descriptions and scenarios of extreme violence towards woman that are gratuitous in nature and do not add to the story or have any relevance. (geralt being paralyzed with his knee during the stampede at the refugee camp in bof is NOT on the same level as yennefer being extremely tortured at stygga or ciri meeting “forest gramps” in lotl). some of this violence towards women is related to the male antagonists being misogynistic (such as leo bonhart) but a lot of it is just pure filler and is not necessary for the story.

majority of female characters do not get the depth they deserve, and some are pretty one-dimensional. the sorceresses are a good example of this, as the majority of them are shallow and manipulative. female characters are also just generally not given as much “page time” as male characters, for example compare how much depth and backstory regis and cahir receive to how much milva and angouleme receive. regis’ backstory is entirely irrelevant to the main plot but it’s extremely long, and angouleme’s backstory is more relevant to the main plot (she was born of cintrian nobility) yet it is extremely short. (one could make the argument that this is an effect of their characters because regis talks a lot and angouleme is still processing her trauma, but more could have been given to angouleme even if she is not extremely talkative).

the only canon lesbians in the witcher are not good people and are manipulative in nature, and the only canon f/f relationship (ciri/mistle) is representative of a turmultous, vicious time of violence, and is based upon sexual assault.

the gender non-conforming female characters who ARE good people,never have their gnc-ness treated with any depth, and it is insinuated that they are heterosexual.

male protagonists such as geralt and dandelion are both misogynistic at various times in the books, especially in the short stories. this is unlike when male antagonists are misogynistic, because it is represented as something wrong and is intended to characterize them as vile people. instead, geralt and dandelion say or do misogynistic things and it is treated like a joke or something normal, and not a flaw or something repulsive.

how to confront all of this?

the first step is to address it, just as the above list does, and discuss things that stood out to you and are definitively wrong, that the author should not have put in the story because it is useless and only serves to further misogyny in the real world. it would be a grave mistake to think of these things as “fine” and continue to view the witcher books as some kinds of perfect scripture. so many people feel that just because they enjoy something, they are not allowed to critique it and discuss parts of it that are uncomfortable or plain wrong. 

to continue with this point, i think it is important to put the witcher into context as a fantasy series written in the 1990s by a white man who did not (to my knowledge) intend this series for such a broad audience and franchise that it has become. this is not an excuse for sapkowski at all, but rather i think it’s important to understand the origins of the witcher and how it came to be in the first place. this wasn’t a series made to be inclusive and diverse, it wasn’t intended to be “for us” in the first place. 

i do not believe that there is MEANT to be any “positive representation” in the witcher because i don’t believe it is something that sapkowski was actively considering when he wrote the books. just because there isn’t good representation in the books does not mean they and everything related to them are not worth your time, but if you are someone desperately searching for good positive representation or someone who NEEDS to see representation of someone like them in every piece of media they consume, i don’t think the witcher books are necessarily a good place to start. this isn’t meant to deter you from reading or interacting with the books/book canon, but rather a fair warning about what the intentions of the books are. 

i don’t think the books are a groundshaking work of art that are meant to inspire concepts such as diversity, rather it is a very specific work that in its true nature is an argument of a critique of popular fantasy tropes with additional commentary on themes of violence and family. so this is basically meant to say ‘understand what you are getting into.’

how to move on?

the main question which i answer is “is the root of this thing (a piece of media/a character/etc) something that revolves around the bad part, or was the bad part just thrown in there and is incongruent with the rest of the thing?”

the biggest example i think of tackling the misogyny in the witcher and still managing to enjoy it is with dandelion (lol). i think it’s every day that i have to reconcile with the fact that i genuinely enjoy dandelion as a character and hold a conversation with myself about which parts from canon i enjoy and which parts i don’t. his character at its core is not a bad person, he is meant to be an inversion of the trope of the slovenly and lecherous comic relief, and sapkowski succeeds in turning the trope on its head. dandelion is very loyal and committed, he demonstrates his worth in the narrative and doesn’t act with pure selfishness and greed. he is an inversion of all of the negative traits of his trope, but sapkowski also wrote in, like, a literal rape joke for him to say in the bounds of reason. how do you get over that? personally, i just go back to “is this congruent with the rest of the character or not,” and my answer at least for dandelion is no. the rape joke in the bounds of reason seemed entirely out of place to me, it doesn’t fit in with the rest of his character.

similarly, why does geralt sleep with girls who are barely 18 within the events of the witcher? how do you get over that? well, i don’t believe that’s congruent to the rest of his character, the POINT of his character, which is to protect young girls. 

so i go back on my word of what i begun this answer with, and i tell you that i indeed DO ignore some parts about the witcher. but it is not a blind ignorance, an ignorance in which i do not consider the effects and i pretend like they do not exist at all. it’s a choice which i make and a process of logical steps that i follow, an understanding and an agreement i come to with myself and the media i interact with. i acknowledge the context surrounding the creation of the media, i acknowledge the effects that these elements had on their readers and how they relate to the real world, and how i know that these things are objectively wrong. i understand why they exist in the canon, and why i feel justified for choosing to take them out of what i regard as part of my experience.

it’s tempting to proclaim “canon is dead and we have killed the author,” but understand how the author’s personal experiences and biases have influenced the media that they created and which you now consume. you can’t take the personal biases completely out of the writing of the witcher and you have to acknowledge that they still exist in the text. even if you make up your own headcanons, it is still imperative to consider the issues that originate in canon.

what does this look like?

complaining to your friends who also like the witcher / on social media that you hate these parts of the books and explain why you hate them and why they are unnecessary

thinking about why these parts were written in and the context surrounding them

making your own rewrites / headcanons around these parts (ex: my idea for the rewrite of a little sacrifice)

making your own headcanons to establish what was not (ex: my headcanons for angouleme’s trauma and how it affects her in the present, headcanons about how the hansa becomes a family)

tldr: acknowledge why these elements exist in canon. choose to follow a process that will allow you to salvage the parts which speak to you while still understanding that these elements exist in canon and will never disappear. continue to like the canon without the parts that you understand are rotten.

edit: also the netflix show has some pretty misogynistic parts to it as well, yennefer and ciri have way less agency as characters than they do in the books. geralt literally coerces yennefer into sex in twn and treats her with absolutely no respect, and ran from fathering ciri solely because he was a dick. obviously this isn’t the point of the ask, but i think it’s important to acknowledge that twn has misogynistic elements as well and not pretend like just because twn was led in 2020 by a wealthy white woman that it’s progressive in any way.

[musette22]

Just some shipping & fandom things

So, these past few days, I’ve been getting and seeing some messages and posts about shipping culture and fandom/standom culture in general that have been bothering me a little, so I just want to make a quick post about it, and then I want to move on to all things lovely and beautiful again! ❤️ This is going to be a long one, so bear with me, and I’ll be pinning it to my profile somehow or at least refer to it whenever I get asks about any of this, because I am getting mighty tired of repeating myself all the time (and I’m sure most of you guys are getting tired of hearing me repeat myself too :p)

First of all, I want to make it clear that I am fully aware that Sebastian and Chris are actual, real-life people, and that they are strangers to me. They do not know me, and I do not know them, nor do I profess to know what they are really like in their private lives.

I understand that it can get confusing sometimes in the case of RPF, because a lot of the time, we speak about them in a way that makes it seem like they’re our friends, or we have all their secrets figured out. Obviously, we don’t. But to point that out with every single post we make would suck all of the fun out of stanning and shipping, as I’m sure everyone would agree.

But let me just say it here again: there is a reason I tag all my Evanstan posts with ‘rpf’ (real person fiction). My fics are fiction, as are my headcanons, which are mostly just a continuation of my fics. If I make an Evanstan post or answer an ask about Evanstan, my comments and answers are usually based on the speculative assumption that they are together. That is obviously something that I do not have any proof for and which might not be true. It is just something that I would really like to be true. Not saying it isn’t or can’t be true, just that I have no way of knowing this for sure and as such I am – for the sake of argument, for the sake of having fun within the safe space of fandom – only postulating that they are, because I enjoy thinking of them as being together, as I know a lot of you do too. And I don’t believe there is anything wrong with that, as long as we keep discussions based on that assumption within the fandom.

I do understand that some people will say this kind of behaviour is problematic, because what if the boys find out about what we’ve been saying about them and get uncomfortable, or what if they get girlfriends and people will start hating on those girlfriends because they believe they are getting in the way of ‘true love’ etc?

To that I would say: we are all responsible for our own behaviour. I am responsible for myself only, and I, personally, would never do anything with the express purpose of making the boys aware of our shipping activities. Shipping (including fic and fanart) is for us, and us only, and the vast majority of shippers I know understands that. I also would never harass, hate on or speak disdainfully about the boys’ loved ones, and that includes any past and future girlfriends (unless they turn out to be Trump supporters or animal abusers or what have you, in which case all rules are out the window, obviously :p) Moreover, I respect that the boys have private lives that I have no say over, and am in no way entitled to, and someone simply “getting in the way of my ship” or doing something that doesn’t fit my Evanstan headcanons/narrative will never be a reason for me to hate on them. I respect that their private life is private, and I am aware of the difference between my (hopeful) fantasies and reality.

If other people are not, or they can’t respect their faves personal boundaries and harass the boys or their loved ones for whatever reason, or they ask them improper or invasive questions at cons or show them fanfic or fanart, then they are crossing the line and that really sucks, but that is not my responsibility. Everyone is responsible for their own behaviour, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable of me to assert that I am not going to let other people’s behaviour dictate mine.  

Shipping aside, I just want to say that just as I am aware that Chris and Sebastian are real-life people (as opposed to my personal dolls, my babies, my responsibility, my friends), I also know that they are human. Like every other human, they have flaws. They are not saints and I am not and never will be their apologist if they ever do something that is clearly wrong. Having said that, I do not see the point of purposely looking for flaws in other people and putting them under a magnifying glass. I genuinely don’t. What good is that going to do? We’re all just trying to live our lives as best we can here, and of course we’re going to make mistakes, but, even though I’m not religious in the slightest, I guess that Jesus guy had a point when he apparently said that thing about casting the first stone…

As some of you will know, I am a person who likes to have a positive outlook on life and give people the benefit of the doubt, because in my experience, more often than not people can learn from their mistakes and grow. That includes me, by the way. I am so far from flawless, but I do try to learn from my mistakes and use instances where I am wrong to grow and become a better person, instead of letting them turn me bitter or spiteful. Needless to say, I’m not a fan of cancel culture either. Of course, sometimes people’s behaviour is inexcusable, for instance when they do something that is genuinely harmful to others, or they keep repeating the same mistakes, showing that they just don’t care enough to change their toxic behaviour. Those people are truly problematic and I will treat them as such.

Clearly, however, this is not the case for Chris and Sebastian so far. They have shown themselves to be decent people over and over again, so unless/until they do something that’s genuinely problematic, I am giving them the benefit of the doubt. Because that’s what they deserve. That’s what everyone who tries to be a decent human deserves, actually, not just “my faves.” This does not mean I’m bending over backwards to justify their behaviour – it simply means that most of the time (such with the facemask or the Paul situation) I genuinely don’t see anything wrong with their behaviour. And when I do (yes, it happens!) I try to approach the situation with an open attitude (as I would for anyone else) to see if that behaviour was the result of ill judgment, or stupidity/intentional malice. So far, it’s been ill judgement every time, in my opinion.

Now, not everyone has to agree with me, of course. Like I always make a point of stressing, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as long as it’s not harmful to others, or posited as The Truth, which would give people a carte blanche to play judge and executioner over other people. That’s not cool.

Literally everyone on this planet is unique. We all have our unique outlook on life which shapes our unique opinions. Most people agree on some things, and not on others. That’s fine. I have made it a point with this blog, within fandom, not to publicly pass judgment over other people. Sure, I have my private opinions just like everyone else, but I am not and will never openly shame or hate on people for liking something or shipping something, even if it’s not my cup of tea. If you want to fantasise about being with/having a relationship with Chris or Sebastian, that’s great, you do you! As long as you don’t start to confuse fantasy with reality (which most people won’t) there is nothing wrong with that. Likewise, if you want to ship Stony, I am not going to tell you it’s wrong or you can’t, but please extend me the same courtesy and don’t come into my corner of the fandom to tell me I shouldn’t ship Stucky, either. Ship and let ship.

We each enjoy fandom in our own ways. It’s not a competition. There is no right way, and we should stop acting like there is.

If I see something I don’t like or don’t agree with, I scroll past it or ignore it. If I still can’t let it go, I will talk to friends about it in private. If it’s something that I believe is genuinely problematic or toxic, I try, if possible, to create awareness and understanding of that issue in a way that will actually help people learn and grow. 

So, this is my long winded way of saying that it would be so nice if people could stop policing the fandom. Being hateful, condescending, or making generalizing statements such as “the problem with this fandom is…” isn’t actually helping. It’s not changing anything about the situation you believe to be problematic, it’s just adding negativity to it. Instead, why don’t we all just devote our energy to spreading positivity and being kind to others? Generally speaking, hate begets hate, and kindness begets kindness. Mind you, kindness does not equate to weakness. It’s possible to be kind and strong, as I believe Chris and Sebastian both prove.

[fabelyn]

In Carcere Ch.38

Pairing: inahoxslaine (orangebat, inasure)

Rated: T Warnings: spoilers for series finale Chapter: 38/? (previous chapter) Word Count: 14k

Summary: At first Inaho visits out of duty and humanity. And then he finds he can’t stop going back to see Slaine Troyard.

“My Lord, they’ve arrived.”

“Good, bring them over.”

Watching his underling leave to abide by his orders, Mazuurek nearly changes his mind and follows him. It is, after all, disrespectful to not greet his guests at the landing site, or at least on the entrance to his Landing Castle.

Yet as he takes a step towards the door, he changes his mind once more and firmly seats himself on the sofa, intent on not leaving until Inaho and Rayet come to him.

It’s his own Landing Castle, and he fully trusts his own personnel.

And yet… he can’t help the fear that maybe, somehow, someone has managed to bug the room.

There is no reason for the supposition: nothing has pointed to any plans being leaked before now and he’s made a sweep of the room.

Nonetheless, Inaho Kaizuka’s visit is well known, so there is always a chance…

Mazuurek sighs and cards a hand through his hair. He knows what this is, it’s the anxiety and jumpiness of someone about to hear something life defining they won’t like. Which doesn't mean he can avoid hearing it.

He needs to finally know how Count Mikael’s L anding Castle was so brutally massacred.

The who he can at least guess at. Naturally it had to have been the UFE. Not because Mazuurek has any misconceptions about how good his fellow martian nobles are, but because they’d have done more damage by now if they could have, and the UFE would surely have been restless about what new Martian technology made such an attack possible underneath their radars. Instead all the UFE was focusing on was how martians could not be trusted to not kill each other even in times of peace. 

If his supposition was correct —all he needed was Inaho to confirm it— then the UFE would need to be put in check. Mazuurek has some ideas on it.

But first, he needed the details. How had the UFE managed to reach the Landing Castle without being noticed? How did they destroy their shields and communications?

The only way he could think was a traitor. Perhaps a martian had been promised riches and power if he murdered the Count, thus removing power from the Landing Castle and leaving it susceptible to attack? If so, it would have to be a very foolish martian to trust the UFE…

A maid comes in, interrupting his musings, bringing in a pot of freshly brewed tea and three cups. Mazuurek is glad for the interruption; his thoughts had been running in circles ever since the Landing Castle was found dead, there was no point to thinking about it.

The maid leaves, and before Mazuurek can begin to spiral again, another underling opens the door, this time bringing in Rayet and Inaho.

“My friends! Welcome!” Mazuurek springs up and goes to greet them in genuine delight. He is eternally grateful to both, likes them and trusts them; a combination he craves right now.

“Long time no see,” Rayet greets back with a smile.

“It’s good that you’re well,” says Inaho, and Mazuurek focuses on him, looking him over. Rayet had told him Inaho had been in the hospital, but whatever it was left no visible marks on any body part he could see.

Inaho understands his gaze and glances at their hide, who bows and leaves the room. “I assume we can talk unperturbed here.”

“Yes, there are no bugs,” Mazuurek says, then realizes how strange that sounds. “I mean, of course there wouldn’t be, but since you have something dire to tell me, I assume you need to be reassured. But please, you’ve just arrived, sit down and relax first.”

“Thanks,” Rayet says, already making herself comfortable. Inaho follows suit.

“So, first of all, how are you two? Rayet told me you had to be hospitalized, Inaho.”

“Yes. I was stabbed and hit on the head and suffered some minor internal damage from using the analytical machine,” Inaho replies, as tonelessly as if he were repeating the weather report.

“You… what? What happened? Who attacked you? I know I said I needed to hear some things with urgency, but if you need to go get treated elsewhere first please—”

“It’s fine. I was rescued and treated in time. I need some extended treatment for the damage done by the machine, but nothing that cannot wait visiting an old friend first.”

Mazuurek glances at Rayet, and she shrugs and nods, which he takes as reassurance. 

“I see, that’s good then. But, last time we spoke you had taken out that eye machine, why put it back? And why were you attacked?”

Inaho opens his mouth, but Rayet interjects quickly. “Actually, I think it’s best if we tell you the other thing you wanted to know first. This and that have something in common and I think it will be less shocking if we start from that first.”

Mazuurek raises an eyebrow. “Telling me the details on who murdered my fellow martians will be less shocking than who attacked Inaho?”

“Well, technically yes, because the tale of Inaho’s attack will raise a lot of questions so I think it’s easier to ease you in through the massacre.” Rayet stops and looks at Inaho. “And I’ll do the talking.”

Inaho shrugs.

Rayet nods, satisfied. “Okay, so, let’s not beat around the bush with this. Count Mikael and his entourage were murdered by orders from the UFE.”

Mazuurek sighs. “As I had surmised.”

Inaho looks at him. “Does it make you relieved to hear that?”

“Hm, not really. Whether it was done by other martian nobles or by the UFE, either option has it’s issues. Though I think the UFE… will be more problematic to deal with. Her Majesty, naturally, is unaware of it?”

“I have no reason to assume she knows,” Inaho answers.

“I’m sure she doesn’t. Still, to think the UFE wouldn’t be content with the status quo… honestly I understand that Count Mikael wasn’t treating terrans well and his occupied territory was being contested. And his disregard for Her Majesty’s orders were offensive… but I don’t like this subterfuge. If the UFE felt they had the right to reclaim the territory they should have been upfront about it, and taken the martians captive, not murder them all. That, and the secrecy means they’ll likely do this again with the next disobedient Count. If we don’t kill each other first, of course…”

“What do you mean by that?” Inaho asks.

“Possibly the other reason why the UFE won't own up to their deeds; there has been some… infighting between the nobility. People that have a past of being paranoid are pointing fingers at old enemies.”

“He said that would happen,” Rayet says quietly, towards Inaho, who nods in agreement.

“Who did?”

“A friend,” Rayet replies. “Look, if that’s the UFE’s agenda… we really don’t know. The upper echelons haven’t deigned to tell us anything other than orders of what to do, as usual. So if they’re planning another, we really won't know until they’re about to ship us out.”

“So you were involved in the murders.”

Rayet hesitates. “Mazuurek…” she begins, but falters, uncertain.

Inaho doesn’t have that issue. “Yes, we were involved in the operation. Had we refused, it would have still occurred, and we would be punished and likely not trusted to keep quiet about what we knew. Since the refusal would amount to nothing, it was better to participate and remain within their trust.”

“That and, like you said, it’s not as if we were killing innocent martians,” Rayet adds, certainty back.

Mazuurek raises a hand in appeasement. “My friends, I wasn’t intending to judge you for it, I’m sorry if it came across like that. I just need to understand how much you know. So, you were involved... please tell me how they did it.”

“Okay, please don’t get too angry but, first they managed to acquire a functioning skycarrier. Then they… threatened a martian to fly it.”

“They placed a collar on him that would permanently have incapacitated him according to the UFE’s will,” Inaho elaborates. “And then explained that even if he chose death, the UFE would simply risk using someone else to pilot it.”

So I was right that they have a martian working for them. Worse, he’s being threatened. If he had been offered rewards, we could try taking him in by offering more, but with this… only if we’re able to remove the collar.

“I see. Go on, Rayet.”

“So this martian flew on the skycarrier, got into the Landing Castle, requested a meeting with the Count and murdered him when they were alone. With his death the Landing Castle lost all power and we —that is, I and other UFE troops— were able to infiltrate and pick them off without warning.”

“Ah. Hold on. First of all, this martian would need to be able to fly the skycarrier. Then he would have had enough knowledge of Count Mikael to convince him to allow him to enter, and then further knowledge to receive a private meeting so quickly. Did this knowledge come from the martian himself or did the UFE acquire information from someone else?”

“The martian had the knowledge.”

“So the UFE’s plan relied solely on this one martian.”

“No,” Inaho explains, “The UFE’s plan without loss of terran life relied on the martian, but not the plan itself. Had the martian not been cooperative, or unable to pilot, or without that knowledge, they would still have risked sending someone. The difference would be that the moment the person had managed to reach the Landing Castle they would have detonated explosives hoping it would kill the Count or, at least, bring the martians into disarray, at which point the UFE would commence an attack while pretending to be martians.”

“Wait, what?!” Rayet jumps. “So if Sla—if that guy hadn’t accepted, we were going to send a suicide bomber?! Inaho, our friends were also training for the skycarrier ! Why wasn’t I told about this?” 

“Because I thought it was only logical that it would become a suicide mission, with little chances of success, had he refused. And since he didn’t, there was no reason to confirm if you understood what would have happened if he hadn’t.”

“... I own him, damn.”

Mazuurek watches their exchange with increasing curiosity. “This brings me to my next question: who is this martian? He can’t be a simple soldier if he had that much knowledge. I need to know.”

“Err, before we answer that, do you have any other questions? Because once we tell you, it’s going to open so many other questions.”

“Hm, I suppose, that collar that’s threatening him, can it be deactivated?”

“I wasn’t given clearance on how it was made, so I was unable to figure out how to dismantle it. If I ever acquire that information I can try to send it to you.”

Rayet nods. “Right, that’s where we stand on the collar, for now. Any other questions?”

“I understand deciding this is not on you, but do you have any indication that the UFE will do this again?”

“Nothing concrete, but we assume they will.”

“Then I really don’t have anything else to ask. Now, please tell me who this martian is.”

Rayet and Inaho glance at each other, before Rayet turns back to Mazuurek. “Actually, he isn’t a martian.”

“What? But everything you just said—”

“It was easier to explain it like that. The UFE has Slaine Troyard.”

It is so unbelievable that it takes Mazuurek a fews seconds to react, and it feels as if the ground is yanked from underneath him.

“Troyard is… alive?!”

“Yes,” Inaho answers this time. Mazuurek turns to him.

“Did you know this?”

“I was the one who brought him to the UFE.” Maybe Mazuurek’s altered state is making him confused, but he thinks Inaho actually looked… regretful as he said it. “Obviously, I was unaware that they’d use him for this. Or use him at all.”

“You handed him over without keeping tabs on what they did to him?”

“No. I handed him over and watched over his incarceration.”

“Hm, personally overseeing that your enemy never sees the light of day.” Had Inaho and Rayet just winced in unison? He must be more shaken than he realizes if he’s now outright hallucinating. “I guess I can understand that.”

Oh. “So that small town you were reassigned to… that’s where he is at?”

“Yes, though I would caution against any attempt to rescue him without meticulous planning first, the surrounding may not look like much, but the incarceration facility itself is difficult and the UFE will be alerted immediately if he’s removed.”

Mazuurek raises an eyebrow. “And why would I even consider rescuing him after what he nearly did to the terrans and his crimes against Her Ma—”

A sudden thought comes to him, and he swallows with difficulty. “Does… Her Majesty know about this?”

“If by ‘this’ you mean, that the UFE is using Slaine to attack martians,” Inaho answers, “then I assume she doesn’t, since we’ve previously established she is likely unaware they were behind it.”

“But if you mean, does she know that Slaine was being held captive, yes she damn well does,” Rayet spits out.

Rayets anger is surprising, and even more so when Inaho does not answer her with a logical justification. Surprising enough that Mazuurek manages to focus on that and calm down.

“So Her Majesty knows her enemy is in prison. Why does this upset you, Rayet?”

“Why?! Because she’s using him as a scapegoat. He’s being used and he’s still alive to suffer the consequences. I thought she, at least, was better than that! Oh, and apparently she even thinks he’s getting out one day!”

Mazuurek decides not to think about the last two sentences for now. “What of it? He is suffering the consequences of his actions. It is, I do believe, not dissimilar to his own deeds.”

“Excuse me? She’s blaming him for everything! How is that anything like Slaine trying to protect her?!”

“I find it hard to see it as protecting when he was using her image to murder terrans as a means of solidifying martian power.”

“By doing so, he was solidifying her status and removing any threat to her that wasn’t a coup d’etat.” Inaho says matter of factly. “And even a coup would be hard to come by with the martians pleased with the outcome. So in this sense, one could see how he was attempting to protect her.”

Mazuurek is slightly taken aback by Inaho’s attempt to defend Troyard’s point of view, but remembers it is just like Inaho to see the reasoning for both sides. He focuses on defending Her Majesty. “To do that, he was using someone in a disguise to look like her. In other words, Slaine Troyard was claiming the plan to attack Earth was hers. To terrans... to you it must have seemed like she was to blame for everything.”

He pauses, but neither Inaho nor Rayet retort, so Mazuurek continues.

“He used her image while she was unable to defend herself to forward his view. Her Majesty has simply returned the favor; he was using her image, now she will use his.”

“It’s not the same,” Rayet insists feebly, “He wasn’t locking her away—”

“Maybe not initially, but if she was free to leave or counter him after she woke up, she wouldn’t have needed mine and Klancain’s aid to escape and get her message across, would she?”

“But—but it was going to be for her sake! After it was done—”

“He was going forth with a massacre she never wished for and was actively against because he thought it best for her. Is that noble to you? If so, then Her Majesty’s reasons are even more so, she’s doing it to end warfare between two worlds. As for what would have happened had he succeeded… Her Majesty would have no chance to reverse the choice done in her name, whereas, as far as Her Majesty believes , Slaine will have the chance to speak his truth when he is freed.”

“You think she’d be willing to threaten her hard won peace as well as trust between planets to allow Slaine to defend himself?” Inaho finally asks.

“... Likely she’d try to strike a bargain with him—”

“What sort of bargain? Speak not against her lies and she will ship him up to a desolate island? Put him under plastic surgery and give him a new identity? Or maybe she believes by the time he is freed he will have repented so much he will willingly accept to shoulder the blame, and also assumes if she asks for forgiveness from the planets, no martian or terran would attack Slaine after his freedom?”

“... Likely the last option, probably…”

“And you think that’s the same?” Rayet demands.

Mazuurek’s deflating shoulders square up again. “Yes, actually. He would have left her to deal with the death of a whole planet . Lives that cannot be rebuilt; she would not have had to live a lie, but she would have to live with the knowledge her name opened the doors to a planet-wide massacre. It would have been at the least, just as cruel as Slaine’s end.” 

That leaves Rayet speechless.

Not so Inaho, who looks at Mazuurek for a second before taking up the debate. “For this decision to be right, you would have to assume no one but Slaine had slighted or hurt her. That no one but Slaine threatened Earth. However, others tried to assassinate her, and others were happily attacking terrans long before Slaine had any semblance of power. Yet she is willing to pretend they did nothing wrong, much less that they warranted forgiveness, as all actions were somehow mere puppet strings from Slaine’s design.”

“That’s… for the sake of peace and avoiding another martian fallout.”

“It’s not. If she wished for peace, truly, she would have blamed Count Saazbaum for most of it —as she should have— and Slaine for simply continuing his handiwork, as well as defined some light punishment so that martians understood actions against terrans would not be acceptable.

“As it is, it seems to me that it was not done in thought but in selfishness; that what pains Asseylum is not the destruction of Earth and killing of terrans, but that Slaine dared to use her name for it.”

“That's not true! You know she truly cares for terrans lives!”

“Yes, but her actions speak differently. You are correct in saying what Slaine attempted to do wasn’t good, and doing it for the sake of Asseylum is not justification to cleansing his hands of the blood he was willing to shed.” 

“So—”

“Which brings me to the issues I have with Asseylum’s punishment. If Asseylum wants justice, Slaine cannot be the only one to receive the blame for every action in the war and the other martians should also be paying for their lives. If Asseylum wants to dirty her hands and pick a scapegoat to ensure peace between worlds, Count Saazbaum would be the most appropriate and ideal choice given he is already dead, and he was the mastermind behind most of it, so a simple investigation would corroborate the lie.”

“But Slaine is a terran so—”

“As far as terrans are concerned, the fact that Slaine is a terran does not alleviate martian fault in this. Slaine is terran, but he was brought up by martians, used martian technology and martian soldiers to attack Earth. Maybe martians feel less guilt by thinking of Slaine’s origin, but terrans hardly blame martians less because of it.

“Which brings me back to the point I was making. Slaine is not the best or logical scapegoat. On the contrary, any attempts to study the timeline of events should easily cast doubt in the veracity of the claim, since it requires the belief that Slaine had the power, intelligence and means to begin orchestrating everything before he was even fifteen years old. And that is hardly the only issue to be found. Another—”

“Inaho, no need,” Rayet says quickly.

“In summation, the flaws and contradictions in claiming he is the sole perpetrator of the war are a danger that could end the peace and threaten any trust terrans have in Asseylum. Afterall, it would mean she attempted to place part of the blame on terrans to protect martians.”

Mazuurek sighs, defeated. “So you have issue with her plan.”

“Not just that. Mazuurek, what Slaine did wasn’t morally correct. And also partially incorrect when it comes to logical deci—

“Not now, Inaho,” Rayets stops him again.

“Fine, focusing on morality: Slaine’s actions were not just, or upright to terrans, and it was expressly against her wishes, which he was aware of. I am not condoning his actions. However, Asseylum’s actions regarding him are equally not laudable. At best, I could accept that she is punishing him equal to the pain he attempted to cause her, by using his name to further her agenda, and locking him up forever to pay for the lives he was willing to take. However, if she refuses to acknowledge this as sheer revenge, then I cannot accept that he is locked up. Especially since I —and both of you as well— are aware that the truth is that he will never be free of that cell alive. 

“If she claims it’s mercy, or that it’s for the sake of the planets, I cannot stand by her side as it’s false. She cannot call it justice when every other martian is free, either. In light of how everyone else has lived after the war, Slaine Troyard has served more than enough sentence.”

“...I can’t imagine Her Majesty going out of her way to strike at someone for something like personal revenge,” Mazuurek eventually says weakly.

Inaho shrugs. “I can’t either. So either she is more lacking in sense than I originally thought while we were together, or she’s obtusely not acknowledging her own rage.”

“It may be a tragic combination of both,” Rayet says, looking down at her own hands. “There was nothing I could have done that was more short sighted than attempting to kill her.”

“You tried to—” Mazuurek begins and nearly jumps out of his seat, but Inaho makes a motion for him to sit down again.

“She wasn’t the only one,” he says, but doesn’t explain further, and instead starts talking as if analysing to himself. “Rayet blamed Asseylum and lashed out despite blatant knowledge that she was not the one at fault for her family’s demise. And the other person also had no reason to blame Asseylum for her own misery. I suppose if even they struggled to admit their own hatred… someone who is used to blocking out all darkness and negativity, who actively strives to be good and make others just as honorable cannot possibly understand, much less accept a desire to do harm to someone else for no reason other than revenge. Even if there’s cause for it.”

“And it’s not like she has anyone near her to tell her otherwise…” Rayet muses.

Mazuurek and Rayet look at Inaho pointedly, who frowns. “I can’t read minds, what is it?”

“Well, if anyone could talk to her and point out her mistakes… it’s you.”

“In fact, I feel this is now necessary to enquire… Why did you leave her side and simply not tell her what she was doing... wrong?” Mazuurek adds. “If you wished to ease Troyard’s sentence—”

“I defected from her side long before I—” there is a strong pause in Inaho’s words, and an ensuing smile from Rayet “—began to truly consider the fairness of his sentence. From the beginning I saw flaws in his punishment but I was not initially empathetic enough towards his plight to attempt to enforce something different with her.” 

He stops abruptly, looking far away and when he begins speaking again, it feels heavier. “Would I have more power to change Slaine’s fate now if I had not left her side then?”

“Even if you had stood by her and tried to advise her, you would have failed,” Rayet says with certainty.

“...That’s... not incorrect,” Mazuurek surprisingly joins in, though he looks pained to utter each word. “There are too many martians keen on maintaining this charade now. They’d riot before allowing such a convenient lie to fall.”

Inaho blinks again and frowns, and lifts a hand to massage his temple. “That… was actually my initial conclusion, when I left. I know it may sound like an excuse to claim this only after you two have pointed it out—”

“It’s fine,” Rayet assures him. “You’re smarter than this. As soon as this conversation is done we’re shipping you straight into the doctor’s arms. You really need it.”

Inaho sighs, but agrees. “Yes. It’s coming back to me now. Asseylum took a while to go back to Earth. At that point, she’d already delayed the war by decreeing a cease fire.” He halts, glancing at Mazuurek, maybe expecting an objection. But while Mazuurek had been uncomfortable at the word ‘delayed’, he makes no attempt to claim she fully stopped the war. Even he is too aware that so much resentment would not disappear simply because the nearly winning side chose to forfeit at the last minute.

“Not only that,” Inaho continues, “but she also made it so no martian was at fault. Many of my comrades died, Slaine was hardly the only one to blame. Yet that wasn’t all: during our brief time together, I told her my view on wars, and how to end them. They aligned themselves more with Slaine, I've since found out. Asseylum’s choice completely disregarded all that I said.

“And… by the time we met afterwards it was too late to take it back. Martians would revolt the moment they felt they would suffer for their actions, and Asseylum’s credibility and life would be at stake, if not forfeit. It was pointless to make her see how wrong her dreams were, and if it wouldn’t bring any better results… I saw no reason to risk her life.” He pauses. “I still don’t want her dead, or harmed. I cannot condone her actions, or see any intelligence in them or her current rule, but I don’t despise her. However, I care little for her credibility, save for the fact that it is tied to her safety for now.”

No one has anything to say after that. Mazuurek hides his face in his hands, back hunched, for a few minutes before letting out a long drawn out sigh and straightening up again.

“I see,” he finally says, looking steadily at Inaho. “First and foremost, thank you for once again trusting me. You knew my stance towards her Highness yet still trusted me enough to tell me your contrary views. I appreciate that. And, well, I guess I can’t hate you for your views. Let’s see… you put a lot of importance in the logical thinking and the results of one's actions. I get that. I understand the importance of that. However, I feel the heart is also vital. I’ve seen people ruled by greed and selfishness before, I want a leader that has a good heart, that truly wants to help others. I… concede that Her Highness may not have gone the smartest route. But you have to understand that she isn't as brilliant as you. She doesn’t have the knowledge or the oversight to see.” 

“She’s always been the first one in line for the throne,” Rayet interjects harshly, “how is it that she never considered studying politics and such to prepare herself to better serve her people?”

Mazuurek’s gaze is soft as he sweeps a look at them, pitying the harsh life they must have led. “What I’m going to say isn't fair, but it’s the truth. Because she’s young . She spent two formative years in a coma. She was loved and, yes, likely coddled. You two are above average in intelligence, with one of you likely a genius, and you both suffered. Suffered differently but suffered nonetheless. You had to learn to grow, you had to learn to think to protect yourselves or others. What is natural for you to do, isn’t simple for others to consider. Her Highness is well meaning, and truly a good person, but as unfair as it was, she did not have a background to force her to grow up quickly.”

“I know,” Inaho says, “That’s why I don’t hate her for her actions. What you said explains why she fails where one of us three might not have, but it doesn’t make it tolerable for me to accept. Not when she was told and saw otherwise.”

Mazuureks nods. “I understand. I accept that you cannot forget her mistakes. And I see why these mistakes are made worse by her royal background. But just as you cannot stand her much due to her actions, I cannot condemn her for actions, which I admit were not the best, when I see the heart she puts into them. I won’t fight you for not accepting her, but I will defend her where I can.”

Inaho nods and smiles slightly. “My analytical machine was never wrong when it judged people, and it seems that that trustworthy part of you hasn't changed. I don’t have any issue with your continued loyalty to her, but I won’t disregard all the flaws in her actions when talking to you. As for what you’re planning to do…”

“Ah, I’m not sure yet what I will, or can, do. I’m not like you.” Mazuurek chuckles. “I mean, my worldview just turned upside down, I’ve had to open my eyes to issues I’ve been ignoring and found out information I had never considered possible. All I know right now is the UFE cannot continue as it has, nor can the martian counts continue to do as they will while disregarding her Highness. Her, and mine, wish for peace between both worlds isn't going to work like this, but annihilation of either side isn’t an option for me. So, I’ll think of something.”

Rayet frowns. “Be careful, the UFE and the martians are tricky, backstabbing people with eyes everywhere. Don’t act out too rashly, whatever you do. We don’t want you next on the hit list, even if we recluse ourselves.”

Mazuurek chooses to ignore the stab at martians, understanding it as Rayet trying to look out for him. “Thank you, I will do my best. I can’t promise anything however, I will do what I think must be done for my objective. If that leads the UFE to attack me… I will understand even if you choose to join the attack for the sake of your loved ones. Slaine, however, I will have to shoot down.”

That has both of his guests make terrible faces.

“You don’t want him to die… it seems you both are hoping he is set free?”

Rayet glances at Inaho, and he stares back. Mazuurek can see hesitation from Rayet and, more surprisingly, also hesitation from Inaho.

“My friends, what are you keeping from me?”

It’s Inaho that answers. “There is information that we’re beholden not to tell, but we will warn you of anything that endangers you, like what we have done with the UFE. And there’s one information we haven’t said because it changes nothing and I didn’t think it was relevant.”

“Well, it’s rare for us to meet and talk freely, so even if it’s unimportant, I don’t mind hearing it.”

Inaho sighs. Rayet looks at him with pity and answers for him. “Inaho… and this is going to sound unbelievable… Inaho is in love with Slaine.”

Mazuurek blinks. He blinks again. He takes a deep breath, then grabs his cup and downs his tea in one go.

“Alright… Inaho is in love with… the boy who nearly succeeded in destroying terrans who Inaho then took down and incarcerated?”

Inaho sighs. “Yes.”

“Well… my condolences.” 

There was a pause.

“That’s... it?” Rayet demands incredulously.

“I’m not sure what else you were expecting. I don’t know Slaine Troyard at all outside his actions to have an opinion. Knowing Inaho, I’m sure this declaration doesn’t come lightly. And I can empathize with having feelings for someone when your positions are complicated.”

Rayet perks up. “Oh? So you’ve been in that situation?”

That decomposes Mazuurek momentarily. “N-No! I’m sorry, I worded that incorrectly I suppose. I meant that even if I haven’t experienced such a situation, ever , I can’t imagine it’s a good one to be in. I hoped you both, and your friends, would go on to live simple and happy lives, but if you’re smitten with Troyard… you’re in for a tumultuous time, no matter how things play out. I’m truly sorry.”

Inaho nods. “Thank you.”

“Are you not going to ask me to avoid shooting him in the unlikely scenario that the UFE targets me?”

“I don’t see the point. I know you have a duty to your people first, you won’t risk all their lives to save Slaine, no matter what he means to me; and it would be self defense if you did.”

“I appreciate that. Indeed, I will take care of my own as a priority, but since you’ve told me what to expect… I’ll try to think of a way to keep myself safe without killing him. Starting with that collar… I’ll see if I can’t find out how it was made, and then how to safely remove it.”

Inaho creases his brows lightly. “If you ask around about a device that only ever surfaced on Slaine’s neck during that operation…”

“I have a person, a… friend. He might have some leeway into UFE classified information, and I know he won’t sell me to the UFE.”

“For this friend to have enough leeway to procure how the collar was made, he has to have enough knowledge to have known what the UFE did…”

“... And didn’t tell me. Yes, I’m aware. But it seems these days all my friends keep some things away from me. I don’t blame you for what you haven’t said, and I won’t blame him for his either… if he can help us now. But I won't be able to get a hold of him too quickly, maybe in a few weeks.”

“Please be very careful, don’t let your friendship cloud your judgement.”

“I won’t. And I promise to keep your feelings a secret.”

“Too many people have found it out already, but I need to keep the information very far from the UFE’s ears.”

“Of course.”

Rayet suddenly smiles and elbows Inaho. “Hey, hey, isn’t Asseylum’s maid here? Pity we can’t tell her .”

“I don’t see why,” Inaho says, then turns back to Mazuurek. “More importantly, this needs to be repeated: whatever you choose to do with the information we gave you about the UFE, make sure you don't become the next target.”

“I will take utmost caution. Besides,” Mazuurek sighs, “if the UFE strikes again, and we know it will, they likely have a target already.”

“Oh?”

“Count Percival. He was keeping a low profile before, but since the massacre at the Landing Castle, his underlings have been causing a commotion, insisting it’s all an UFE ploy. Although the Count has been smart enough to not outright agree with the accusations himself… he certainly hasn’t been seen punishing or forcing people to retract them.”

Inaho considers what he knows. “And Count Percival is stationed near France, which has a large terran settlement, meaning a larger audience for the allegations and an easier time spreading them. I saw no word of this in my base town, which means the UFE has managed to contain the spread of it, at least for now. Then again, it’s a small town of mostly UFE linked people, they’ll be one of the last to gossip about it.”

“Pretty much, the UFE has made a statement that they will demand reparations and should the defamation continue, they’ll open an inquiry in court.”

Rayet snorts. “You mean, in terran court? Like a martian count will give a damn about that.”

“Indeed. Initially I assumed the threat meant that they were hoping Her Highness would act, or that she would accept to enforce a judicial decision, if it came to that. And she has attempted to stop it, but it’s been ineffective so far—”

“As usual,” Rayet says under her breath, which Mazuurek pretends not to hear as he continues.

“But with the information you’ve given me, I see now that the UFE is just pretending to go through legal means, and are likely setting up for another round.”

“However, to attack the Count that has been denouncing them might be too suspicious,” Inaho muses, “unless they plan to make it look like an attempt to frame the UFE by martians. It might prove too complicated to pull off. And they can’t have the Deucalion as near as it was in the last attack—” He flinches, even this little effort has pain shooting through his head.

“Okay, enough thinking for now,” Rayet says, “like you said, maybe they aren’t going to do anything fast, or at all, to not make it too obvious.”

“No, I’m sure there is a way… but you’re right, I can’t strain myself right now. Mazuurek, if they do move against this Count, what will you do?”

“That is quite the dilemma. Unless I notice suspicious movements, I think I might not even know when they attack the Count, since I’m sure you two will be beyond communications by then, and even if you did manage to call me… it would just frame us all.”

“Does that mean you plan to warn him?”

“...But if I warn him, he will shoot Slaine down, and maybe even attack your friends too, that’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it?”

Their silence is confirmation enough.

“... I don’t know. He isn’t a good person. He would rather lay low and not fight for too much power with the other Counts so that he has more freedom to do as he will. I have heard reports he treats his people, even the martians, abysmally, and it’s why he allows them to be so aggressive towards terrans; it gives them an outlet for their anger that isn’t him. But that doesn’t mean he, and all his people, deserve to die.

“However… however if I do warn him, I will have killed Troyard, and endangered both of you and your friends. The possibility of another war breaking out will be almost certain, and I have no doubt that the fact I was the informant will leak out, which will endanger my people… and doubly endanger you both for having told me.”

Mazuurek bends over and hides his head in his hands. “I see, I will have to let him die. Knowledge without power is truly a burden.”

“We’re sorry—” Rayet begins, but he stops her.

“No, don’t be. Even if having to decide who lives or dies is painful, I’d rather make it then not know. Even if I can’t save their very next target, maybe I can do something in the long run. Or at least protect my own. I can’t imagine the burden this has been for you, to have to go along with this. Let’s share the burden, and work on it together.”

*

He watches them leave and when he’s finally alone, Mazuurek collapses on the nearest chair.

It was too much too fast, it was amazing what Inaho and his friends could handle it so easily, he wishes he had half their acceptance.

His worldview had been turned upside down too quickly. The UFE’s nefarious plan, Troyard’s continued existence and participations… he would never have drawn this conclusion on his own. As for the burden of knowing what might happen to his fellow martian Count in the future… he’ll have to live with it.

But he had been suspicious of the UFE, and he had always been aware that his power was not enough to save anyone away from his sight. What had hit harder was being forced to hear and acknowledge criticism of Her Majesty he could not counter.

Perhaps from the start something inside of him had known her choices were not the best, but he’d been so glad of a ruler he could trust he’d never bothered to analyse them. It had taken Inaho, someone who had gone to great lengths for Her Majesty, calling out every issue for him to be able to admit that yes, mistakes —costly, life affecting mistakes— had been made.

He’d asked Inaho why he had left her side instead trying to steer her into the right path…

Mazuurek feels guilty about it, and regretful he never had the chance to get his thoughts in order in time to apologize.

Genius he might be, Inaho was also so young, and had done so much. No one had a right to demand more of him.

Especially not Mazuurek, who is loyal to Her Majesty… and yet has been spending his time focusing on his own patch of land.

He’s visited her, though he mostly talks to Klancain. Yet he never joined in when it came to discussing the future.

Her Majesty is stuck being the image of people for two opposing planets, and Klancain is stuck trying to manage the operational side of it, and Mazuurek had never really offered much other than his continued loyalty. 

Perhaps if I am so loyal to them, I should stop focusing so much on my own land and think of what I can do to steer her towards a better path for both worlds.

UFE needs to be taken out, or at least lowered in its power and reach of the terran population, so that it has no capacity to murder and get away with it.

But the martian counts also need to be brought to heel, and obey their rulers.

Lastly, in respect of Inaho, he must avoid harming Troyard at all costs. Not just because he’s promised, but because if Inaho, who has never asked for anything selfish, loves him, Mazuurek feels it’s his duty to give him that.

He thinks back to his brief conversation with Troyard, when he was at the height of his powers. He was so young, yet so certain and implacable. Strong to hold the position he did as a terran…

Mazuurek snorts. While he cannot like Troyard, the thought of that boy in a relationship with Inaho is... hilarious. And terrifying.

But that would require Troyard to even like Inaho back. Mazuurek had been under the impression he’d loved Her Majesty, or perhaps that was just unhealthy loyalty. It’s not as if he has any recourse to know more…

Oh, but he does.

Mazuurek presses a button. “Please have the maid Eddelrittuo bring me my afternoon tea. Two cups.”

This is going to be fun, Mazuurek thinks, already laughing quietly. And while he waits for her to arrive, he’ll think of what he can do to steer the world into a better path.

*

Eddelrittuo tries to not shake her hand too visibly as she is finally convinced to sit down opposite Count Mazuurek and accept a cup of tea.

“Is something wrong, sir?” She asks with hesitation. She’s aware of who had just come by, but cannot fathom what they may have said to have her be brought here.

“Ah, not much. Inaho and Rayet just left. I’m sorry we didn't summon you while they were here. I hope you didn't want to say something to them?”

Was that it? She relaxes. “Not at all, it’s been too long since we’ve been acquainted, there is nothing to say. We... weren’t close.” She’d despised him for part of it, in fact.

“I see. It was nice talking to them, even if the past is sad, there’s some comfort in being able to reminisce with old friends. So much happened, that Slaine Troyard…”

Eddelrittuo tries to not to flinch at the name, or the memories. She nods silently and looks down at her drink to try and focus elsewhere.

“Speaking of which... Eddelrittuo… you were by both Inaho and Slaine’s sides for a while, were you not?”

The question is not unexpected, so Eddelrittuo warily nods.

“Both Inaho and Slaine were quite magnificent during the war, weren’t they? The war would have been over much faster even either of them hadn’t been there.”

She’s not sure where he’s going now, is he about to blame her for not harming Troyard? It doesn’t seem like him, so she just nods again.

“It makes me wonder… if circumstances were different, would they have been friends? Maybe more?”

Eddelrittuo stares at him for a bemused moment, then giggles. “More? Like lovers? Right... Thank you, sir, that was funny.”

Mazuurek smiles. “Fine, maybe I was joking about the ‘maybe more’ part, but I mean it about the friendship.”

“...I think they’d just end up fighting for Her Majesty’s hand.”

Mazuurek chuckles. “You seem very clear on them both being in love with Her Majesty. I certainly cannot speak for Troyard, but I wonder about Inaho. I have no doubt he liked her; the certainty he had that it was not her speaking to the public, and the risk he took to give back her pendant speak for themselves. And that’s just one thing he did. He liked her, but was it romantic love?”

Eddelrittuo hesitates. It’s hard to say, and the period she spent with the boy was too long ago, mired in a haze of fear, distrust, institutional racism towards terrans, and a certainty that her charge was too superior to anyone to not be immediately desired by everyone. Not to mention, the boy in question acted too strangely, and had less expressions than a robot.

Had Inaho been in love with her? She couldn’t say for certain now. Perhaps he had, or perhaps it had been her twisted, fluffy interpretation of everything. It had been too long; Eddelrittuo was no longer a young child and was embarrassed to acknowledge how badly she’d acted, and how much she lost by not truly paying attention. 

At that time, away from home and in territory she felt belonged to inferior beings, Asseylum had shone too brightly. In Eddelrittuo’s mind back then, how could any boy, especially an inferior terran one, not fall in love with her?

Mazuurek seems to understand she’s unable to truly answer and interrupts her train of thought. “No need to dwell on that. Do you really think they would never find enough ground to like each other?”

“I just can't believe it,” she squeaks out. “They were enemies. They personally fought each other!”

“Perhaps, but what if they were in a situation where they weren’t on different sides?”

She’s curious enough to reflect on it. Whereas Inaho’s feelings for Her Majesty is too much of a hazy area for Eddelrittuo to analyse, his personality in general and Slaine’s own are easier.

“Slaine was… strong. And protective, and loyal, and good at piloting, and strategizing and good at leading and manipulating. Inaho… was protective, and loyal, and good at piloting, and strategizing and…!” She realizes she’s been listing the same things and blushes. “BUT! He wasn’t that good at manipulating! And he was only a leader because people trusted his plans. And he’s cold and calculating while Slaine was emotional and followed his heart and... uh… Slaine… Slaine was much better looking.” She flushes with the confession. “That’s what I can remember!”

“Opposites attract.”

“...Does that mean that Count Mazuurek likes coldhearted and manipulative people?”

Mazuurek chokes, despite Eddelrittuo not having seen him eat anything. “No! I don't like anyone coldhearted— I mean! I don't like anyone at the moment! It’s just something that happens, sometimes. Sometimes people like people that are similar to them. But I wouldn't know either way! My point is… maybe Inaho would appreciate what Slaine has— had that he hasn’t. And while I can see why you view him as cold, he isn’t, he just doesn't show it as much, so perhaps Troyard was simply externating the same warmth Inaho has inside.”

Eddelrittuo is self aware enough to understand her judgement is too partial, yet she can’t help but frown at anyone calling Inaho ‘warm inside’. 

“All I can think of is Inaho making an thoughtless comment and Slaine trying to choke him,” she admits.

“Trying to choke him for the comment?”

“No, for his existence.”

Mazuurek laughs. “Are you perhaps not a little biased?”

“...Maybe. I apologize, I will try harder sir.”

“No need, I’m sorry I’ve put you up to this… would-be scenario without reason. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m sorry.”

Yet, now that Eddelrittuo has been forced to think and, moreover, finally has been given an opening to speak about Slaine without needing to act like he was the villain, her thoughts are racing.

“...Hm.” It’s surprising, but an image comes clearly to Eddelrittuo’s mind. “Inaho is probably better at making plans, but Slaine would be better at thinking about how people would act. They would bicker, because Inaho has no filter and Slaine struggled to hide his own disagreement. But they would agree on a plan eventually. When it came to tell others what to do, Slaine would make an impressive speech to motivate them. Inaho would try to explain the plan but do so in a way that makes it more confusing, Slaine would probably scold him later. They’d make the plan a success. They could make ruling the planets a success.”

She pauses for breath, the thoughts she would never be able to vocalize anywhere else rushing in. “Slaine was emotional, but he’d been taught and forced to hide his feelings and be civil. He didn’t forget or forgive slights, even if he smiled at the person, he kept up a polite façade until he could pay them back.” Something she’d learned watching from the sidelines as he stabbed even his benefactor in the back. “If he couldn’t forgive Count Saazbaum, could he forgive Inaho if after shooting him down he had brought him aboard?”

“I’m sorry? Bring him aboard?”

“Oh, I’m sorry sir, was the exercise only in the scenario that they had both met before the war began?”

“Not at all, I’m just not aware of what you meant.”

“Slaine once took a skycarrier to come rescue Her Highness. We… were unaware he was on it and Inaho shot it down. It’s… one of my biggest regrets.”

“Don’t, how would you have known? Although, if that happened, I wonder how much Inaho regrets it now.”

“I don’t think he’s been told who he shot down at that time.”

“Hm, I wonder.”

“So you see, maybe Slaine would have wanted vengeance. Ah, but… but the Count had harmed Her Highness, Inaho had harmed Slaine himself…”

She shakes her head and tries to focus again. “Inaho says what he thinks, he’s rude and doesn’t consider the tone or interpretation of his words. I think Slaine would be vexed by that, like I was, because he was taught it was wrong, but he would probably secretly want to be able to be as carefree as Inaho. He… he didn’t really hate Inaho, I think? The few times he spoke of him in front of me, it felt more like resentment because of Her Majesty and his own plans but… I think he also admired his skills, too. Being able to logically think about everything while saying what he thinks freely… I don’t think Slaine would hate that. I think he would appreciate it, after all he had to deal with. And he’d agree with Inaho’s take on war, and revenge, and his ambition, and his loyalty…” she breathes out. “I suppose I could see them being friends…” 

If only he hadn’t been killed. If only Her Highness had listened and given Slaine just one chance…

Her eyes fill with tears.

It’s pointless to even think of this, because they made mistakes, because they lost their chance to have Slaine on their side, because Slaine is dead.

Yet even for a pointless exercise she could barely answer properly. What had she done with her young life, that she’d spent so much time around these two boys and barely knew them?

And now she’s hiding away, squirreled away under Mazuurek’s guidance, with years of her life misused, having gained nothing but a sense of guilt, yet barely no memories or knowledge that wasn't traumatic warfare.

Mazuurek offers her his personal handkerchief, and Eddelrittuo forgets to refuse it.

“I’m so very sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung this on you at all. Please forgive me for these pointless wonderings, especially since they touched on this.”

“It’s f-fine. It’s just… so sad. That he died. He wasn’t that bad! Really, he wasn’t!” She realizes too late what she’s saying to one of Her Highness’ staunchest supporters. “Forgive me, sir, I’m saying silly things.”

“It’s alright, I’ve heard similar opinions earlier. But I must apologize again, I never knew you were so endeared to Troyard. He seems to endear people to him quite a lot.”

“I’m thankful for the chance to be able to say something nice about him, so please pay my outburst no mind, sir. But even if there were people that liked him, it’s not as if it helped him any.” She gives him a watery smile and tries to go back to what her Count had wanted to focus on. “Maybe if they had been friends though…”

Mazuurek has no reply to that.

*

“You know,” Rayet says tentatively, when she’s certain they’re alone. “If it bothers you this much to have your feelings spread out… just stop the plan?”

Inaho doesn’t even consider it. “No, this has to be done. It’s not as if it’s bothersome; Slaine suggested I attempted to visibly react whenever it’s mentioned so it seems less forced that you are blurting it.”

“Uhuh, well, your acting skills are surprisingly good, then. Still, why are we doing this… thing to Mazuurek? Can’t we just tell him what we’re after?”

“No, while Mazuurek can be trusted, we can’t be sure about whoever he trusts. I don’t think he’s the sort to gossip, but this can still be used as proof later if someone doubts it. Not to mention, to explain what we’re after we'd have to reveal the possible uprising.”

“I guess. But damn, I hate this… 4D chess nonsense or whatever. You are telling people you are in love when you aren’t except you are.”

“Like I explained. Slaine suggested I go around saying this, because he thinks it’s not true.”

“And you agreed to it, you masochist.”

“You’ve said that a few times.”

“I’ll keep saying it so long as it’s true.”

“... I agreed to it because it was logically sound and nothing else would work as well.”

*

“However, if you are correct, the person behind this insurgence plot will be coming to you before I am back, at which point you will be asked for your position in all this. Which brings me to conclusion two: we need to decide on how you should act around this person even if we don’t know what we want yet. And I assume your opinion on Asseylum will be brought up.”

“So... figure out the best way to present myself so they think... what we want them to think?”

“I think you need to present yourself as still harboring hatred for terrans.”

Slaine nods. “Yes, which will be easy enough, given my actual situation.”

“Regardless of your actual feelings towards her, you will have to act as if you resent Asseylum.”

Slaine, surprisingly, doesn’t balk at that. “Yes, that is the best way; they won’t trust me to aid an uprising against her if I don’t. Don’t look at me like that; I’m not so frail that I’ll break over pretending to have feelings I don’t know if I have or not.”

Inaho would rather avoid he have to do it, nonetheless, the last thing he needs is the pretense forcing Slaine to analyse his feelings for Asseylum while he is miles away. Nonetheless, he knows nothing short of resentment will convince martian insurgents Slaine is on their side.

“Fine, as for the details…”

“Actually… Inaho…” Slaine fidgets, tugging at his pendant. Not a good sign.

“Yes?”

“I’ve been thinking lately… we need to come up with something for you.”

Inaho thinks, then nods. “I suppose. You mean this mastermind may decide I’m too much of a liability going forward otherwise.”

“Exactly. Right now you’re useful since you’re helping me and Lemrina, but as their plan moves forward, having you anywhere near us might become a danger to the execution of the plan… if, that is, they assume you will be against an uprising.”

“Yes, I need an excuse that will make them believe I wouldn’t stand by Asseylum and Earth, so that they’ll rather have me live for longer to be useful to them. I doubt anything I say will convince them to trust me, but if we can trick them into thinking I would be a tool I can guarantee mine and my friends’ lives long enough to enact my own plans, whatever those will be.”

Slaine nods.

“You have a good point, do you think the leader will come to me during our time apart?” Inaho asks.

“I don’t know. Maybe they’ll decide to do it after talking to me, maybe I can drop hints of it, or we can have Lemrina report it…”

“It? So, you already have an idea of what I should do. Go on.”

“...You should pretend to be in love with Lemrina.”

“...What?”

Slaine manages to force out a chuckle, “Well, it was either that or pretend to be in love with me . I’m sure you think Lemrina is the better choice?”

Inaho just stares at him, and Slaine wonders if the wound to his brain is even more grievous than he thought, if Inaho isn’t thinking logically of this.

“Look, set your feelings aside here and be logical like you always are. We need them to believe you have some reason to want to help martians and oppose the UFE. I know you go to great lengths for your friends, but the people in power are going to have a hard time believing you’d risk so much and would upturn a terran government for that. Especially because that will endanger all your other friends.”

“Asseylum—” Inaho begins, but interrupts himself. “I see, people may assume I was in love with her—”

“I still wonder if you really weren’t.”

Inaho ignores his interruption. “And regardless, aiding her was in the best interest of Earth.”

Slaine feels relieved Inaho isn’t too far gone yet. “Exactly. Love is considered a stronger emotion. Claim you are in love with Lemrina and even if they are distrustful of you, they’ll want to believe it as you’re more useful alive and on their side than dead.”

“...That makes sense. It’s a stretch, but there is no other reason for me to want to go against the UFE and aid martians,” Inaho concedes. But then hesitates. “However... Slaine…”

He looks troubled. Inaho never looks troubled.

“...Yes?” Slaine asks, fee ling apprehensive i n turn.

“Do you really think Lemrina is the best option?”

“...No, no I didn’t but… I was hoping you’d have some insight to change my mind.”

“Lemrina will clearly be the figurehead they use to usurp Asseylum. As such, even if for a while, they’ll give her power for a transition.”

Slaine nods dejectly. “If you claim to be in love with her, they’ll fear you might attempt to be by her side, and would become an influence for her. Not to mention marrying her if she ever reciprocated.”

“So, you understand that the best option is…?”

Slaine flinches. “I wouldn’t say best if you can’t even spit it out. But yes, it would be better for you to pretend to be in love with... me. That will mean in their eyes you won’t be trying to reach the highest power, while ensuring you are favorable to my escaping and helping martians gain more power. But Inaho, you are going to have to pull off making people believe you’re in love with me .”

Inaho closes his eyes and massages his temples.

Slaine tries to laugh but it sounds too dry to his own ears. “See? It’s too much.”

“...Bat,” Inaho says through gritted teeth, still massaging his temples. “I am sure by your constant scathing comments that you’ve noticed that I don’t… emote as openly or regularly as one is normally expected to. I’ve been told, quite often, in fact, that I look like a cold individual even to my friends. And you think I can pull off convincing people I am in love and that it is not a ruse ?” He sighs but continues, “Then again, I can’t see any other option. However, I don’t need the analytical machine to tell me the odds that this will fail regardless of who I am… pretending to love.”

Oh, so the issue isn’t me. “Actually, if you think about it,” Slaine says, feeling brighter somehow. “The fact that you are completely unreadable does help. It means you won’t have to practice acting lovesick. And if anyone questions why they never noticed you being in love before? Just use the excuse that you were just being unreadable. We can use your actions so far as proof instead.”

“... What about my actions?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not saying I think your actions were of a romantic nature. But the line between very friendly and in love can be blurred so we can use that. All the things you have done for me, improving my living situation? Love. Fighting to give me better food, better games? Love. Coming here in the midst of a storm to protect me from a guard at the risk of your own life? Love. Oh, wow, now that I think about it, it’s really easy to misconstrue your actions.”

Inaho makes a strange noise at the back of his throat and places his head down between his hands. “I’m glad my actions can be… misconstrued as such, for this situation.”

Slaine beams. “Right? It’s almost scary. If this is how you act towards me, I wonder how you will act when...or if, I suppose... you actually fall in love.”

Inaho doesn’t answer, and Slaine decides to not push him over potential future loves, especially now that he would not be able to act on it even if he did find someone to love. “Okay, what will be a challenge is if people directly ask you why you are in love, what you see in me and so on.”

“I’ll manage that.”

Slaine is surprised with the certainty coming from Inaho. “Really? Because you will have to think of things to say. And don’t purple prose, you’ll fall flat.”

“It’s fine, I can just… fixate on physical features of yours and say I’m keen on them, like your eyes—”

“What about my eyes?”

“...They’re a unique color so it’s a feature that stands out. I guess I could say they’re… captivating.”

Slaine feels heat rising to his face and with horror realizes he’s flushing. He ducks his hand and barks out a laugh to hide it. “That’s good! The combination of looking a person in the eye and using a word like captivating would be believable if I didn’t know you better! Oh, that's it! When in doubt, just do that thing you always do.”

“What thing?”

“You know, where you look someone straight in the eye unblinkingly and say something without looking fazed. It’ll give extra credence. If you can do that while saying you love me, it should do wonders,” Slaine says and, for some reason keeps going to add, “Why don’t you test it out now?”

He realizes what he has just asked Inaho to do immediately, and tries to backtrack. “Ah! Sorry, I don’t mean to tease. I mean, I guess it would be funny to hear you say something so ridiculous… but! If you can say it to me with a straight face, we know you can say it to anyone.”

There is a long pause, and Slain has the distinct impression that Inaho is hesitant; which makes little sense, since Inaho is logic first emotions second. Before the silence can stretch too long, Inaho lets out a breath.

“You have a point,” he says, and his tone sounds almost defeated. “Let’s try it then…”

Inaho sounds so serious Slaine finds himself squaring his shoulders and sitting upright.

Inaho looks him in the eye, expression more solemn than usual. “I’m in love with Slaine.”

Slaine’s vision grows dark… and he realizes it’s because he has slammed his face into his hands. 

“...That… okay that was believable , good job but it’s just too…”

“Awkward,” he hears Inaho supply, and the word sounds so muffled Slaine wonders if he too is hiding his face.

“Yeah, that. We’ve determined you can do this so let’s uh… never do this again and pretend this didn’t happen?”

“We are in complete agreement. Now, for how you will be acting…”

The change of subject for something serious is very welcome, and Slaine immediately composes himself. “I don’t think this should change how I pretend to act towards you.”

Inaho nods. “I concur, that means you’ll distrust me and will be more willing to help the martians and not the terrans. But now, would you be aware of my feelings? My false feelings I mean.”

“I think if you had romantic intentions with all you’ve done, I’d have picked it up by now.”

“...”

“So I guess it’s better if I claim to know. I could add that I’ve been leading you on to get better arrangements, while secretly hating you and terrans.” Slaine pauses and feels the needs to add, “Fake, obviously. I haven’t been leading you on. With our friendship I mean.”

For the first time since they’ve started talking, Inaho cracks a small smile. “I know. Shall we practice you acting as such?”

“I don’t think it’s necessary. Unlike you, I had to spend a few years faking my emotions. Also unlike you, I did hate you for a while, so I think I can manage. Asseylum would be the harder part, but I’ll think back to Lemrina’s words about her and use that.”

“Fair enough, now let’s get through the details of what we’ll be saying, so that our versions are fully aligned.”

“Yes, let’s.”

*

Doctor Yagarai’s personal notes.

First Day of Treatment. Subject IK.

I’d been warned beforehand, but I hadn’t expected this extent of damage. It is akin to when the subject last used the analytical machine. I’m loath to use the words bad luck, but I can only concur that the concussion happened in such a way that the areas of his brain most damaged had been hit. The medical reports from his hospital stay were woefully lacking in too much detail over his concussion, and by now I fear requesting more information will be pointless and too late.

… Knowing my subject, it’s more likely that he did use —

Dr. Yagarai pauses and quickly deletes that last line. Even if this is his personal notes, for his eyes alone, there are some thoughts he cannot risk being found. He will take them up to the Deucalion’s Captain later, in person, however.

It seems the vestiges of the foregone damage are deeper than previously expected. Then again, it’s not as if the subject has been passing his time in a relaxed environment, as prescribed. 

And that jab, he plans on writing on his official reports, too.

How much, thus, is this retrocession caused by the physical harm, and how much by the stress forced on him? I’ve previously requested clearance to follow the subject closely and was denied, I don’t see that changing now, so I can only muster baseless conclusions for now.

It’s clear the best possible option would be a steady and longer treatment this time. However, I’ve been forewarned my hands are tied; I was told to increase dosage to ‘fix him’ (such a ridiculous thing to say, yet they still did) as soon as possible. Thankfully medical knowledge was on my side and I could, at the very least, come to a compromise where the subject will be given proper treatment. It won’t be for as long as I want, but it will be for enough time that the damage will be removed. However—

He stops typing again, nervously looking over his shoulder despite this being his personal room, with not even a camera in sight. He ultimately chooses to delete the last word and stop his notes there. The rest of his observations he will only personally say out loud to the Captain.

*

“Mazuurek! I’m happy you called,” Klancain effuses, happy to be able to say something with genuine affection for once, even if he knows this isn’t a mere courtesy call.

“I know this is earlier than our scheduled calling time…”

“Nonsense, it’s always good to hear a friendly voice.” He would normally have replied he knows it must be urgent, but he assumes Mazuurek wants to hide why he wants to talk to Klancain. 

He’s proven correct.

“Indeed, but recently I’ve felt too alone. Each day I think of the fact that martians are now killing martians and I can’t rest. Some friends have just visited, and it made me realize how important a physical meeting is between friends.”

There’s a subtle stab in there, too hidden for a third party, but too clear for Klancain himself.

Mazuurek has just told him he knows, and is vetting Klancain for the extent of his own knowledge.

“True, perhaps we should meet and talk about ways we can stop such infighting from happening again, I could do with a friendly face, too.”

And with that, he’s confirmed Mazuurek’s suspicions, no doubt.

“My dearest fiancée has too many responsibilities as it is, and she’s too much of a lady, I don’t think she’d enjoy the idle chatter of two grown men.”

“Oh, yes, I would never dream of troubling Her Majesty.”

The fact that you truly mean that statement, my friend, is why I must regretfully keep you out of the loop for as long as I can. 

“Precisely. My next opening is a few weeks from now, let’s see, how about on...”

The call ends briefly after that, though Klancain believes Mazuurek has not sworn off their friendship yet, despite having been kept away from the information on the UFE’s scheme.

Should he have denied any knowledge? It might have been for the best if he had; an inquiry on what he knows would devolve into how and the extent of his information network within the UFE. He can easily feed Mazuurek information without revealing his future plans, but he had wanted to keep their relationship as it was.

It was selfish, really. Mazuurek was better served knowing at least what the UFE had done, yet Klancain had stalled, both from wanting to enjoy the companionship without that, as well as wanting to see what Kaizuka would do.

That had paid off; it’s clear now that Kaizuka’s visit had the singular goal of telling Mazuurek what had happened, which was further proof Kaizuka was willing to aid martians, if only the ones he counted for as personal friends.

His relationship with Mazuurek may or may not take a plunge at his own lack of forthcoming, but as painful as it was, Klancain knows they hardly have a future. If he cannot get Mazuurek to defect from Asseylum, he will lose him eventually. He just wishes to prolong it as much as he can.

But now, he has a more pressing concern to focus on: who should he visit first, Mazuurek, or Slaine Troyard?

*

Slaine had been prepared to feel the loss of his pendant immediately.

He was distraught to find the loss wasn’t as painful as he’d expected.

Maybe it’s because he gave it up willingly; it’s not something stolen from him. And it’s not as if he sees any actual chance of Inaho not coming back eventually to hand it over. In a way, he feels as if he hasn’t lost the pendant; he has simply chosen to keep it around someone else for a while. If anything, Inaho’s serious reaction to his silly gesture had been more than he could have asked for, really, and he has been left with no regrets.

That, and ultimately he has spent too much time without the pendant, so it’s not as if the lack of it is new. 

Still, ironically its absence makes him think of it more than he did when it was around his neck. It was, after all, the last gift his father had given him, during their disastrous trip to Mars.

“Keep it with you always, I’ll tell you about it when you’re older.”

And then he didn’t get the chance. How many nights had Slaine stayed up, trying to open the pendant, hoping it had the picture of his parents or an heirloom? But it didn’t open, it didn’t have that function.

Actually… I wonder if the design itself had some meaning? A form of terran coat of arms maybe? Ah, but Inaho had it for so long, he’d have figured it out by now. Or maybe he did, but assumed I was also aware and didn’t see the point of bringing it up, it would be just like him. I’ll have to ask when he gets back.

… Then again, what would be the point? Anyone associated with the Troyard name has been either lynched by now, or changed names. His mother’s side… either way, no one was going to want to associate with him anyway.

However… family… something nags at him, a question at the very back of his mind trying to surface...

“I believe there’s a terran saying… penny for your thoughts?”

Slaine jolts, and realizes Harklight is in the cell with him, smiling.

“I see you’ve kept up your skills of silently appearing anywhere.”

Harklight’s smile widens. “I should hope so, but in this case I think it’s because you were miles away.”

“Ah, well, I was wondering about inconsequential things.”

“Even so, you can tell me.” 

Slaine is about to deny him again, but looking at Harklight is what he had needed to finally recall the question that had been buried.

“Actually, I was wondering, what happened to the Emperor?”

“What do you mean?”

“He abdicated in favor of… his granddaughter, but I didn’t hear that he had passed.”

“I heard he’s actually doing better now that the weight of ruling is no longer on him, to the point that no one expects him to die anytime soon.”

“Hm, normally I’d assume that’s a lie but… he’s already abdicated and allowed the current ruler to do as she wishes, and no one is aware of Lemrina, so it’s not as if his status changes the power on the throne.”

The problem was that Slaine needed information on aldnoah that he did not have. Some rules were clear: if whoever used their aldnoah to power a piece of technology died… the technology would lose power.

However… what became of people granted aldnoah rights if the Emperor who gave them that power died?

The Emperor was the first and only one they ever had. He was the one to grant most of their power. When his son died, so did his closest supporters, so it was hard to say if they too had lost any power he had given them.

If he had died, and the martians maintained their aldonah… it would mean they could kill the current ruler without fear. In fact, it would be wise to kill her as nothing but their own demise would remove their power in that situation.

So maybe, the former Emperor had to be alive. Yes, it could be this is why there was so much caution surrounding her ascension, and why this insurrection sorely needed Lemrina: if the former Emperor is alive when they dethrone her, he could remove martian aldnoah rights as punishment, and they’d need Lemrina.

Perhaps, in fact, this is one of the main reasons why the insurrection is being so slow and careful, with no actions yet. They could be hoping for the Emperor’s death, to further remove any hold the current ruler had over other martians.

I need to talk to Inaho about this. How much does he know about the aldnoah power exchange? More importantly, how much does the UFE know?

Oh yes, because if the UFE thought all martians would lose power at the death of their royalty...

Maybe he should feel flustered at all the questions he can’t answer, all the possibilities he can’t seek out himself. 

And yet it makes him feel somewhat alive.

*

“That bad, huh?” Magbaredge says somberly, then sighs. The other three people in the room, Marito, Mizusaki and Yagarai, also have grim expressions.

“Yes. I managed to stave off the higher ups and have Inaho receive treatment for the next two months, at least, to be extended if need be.”

“So why do you still look so troubled, doc?” Marito asks.

Yagarai glances around the room.

“This place is safe, possibly the safest aboard the Deucalion, as we check it for bugs regularly,” Magbaredge says, “even if I can't imagine how someone would be able to enter and bug it without our knowledge.”

“Better safe than sorry,” Marito retorts, to a glare from Mizusaki.

It’s enough reassurance to have Yagarai talking, especially as he has too much he wants to get off his chest. “A few things trouble me, actually. First, I feel that they are only paying me lip service, and if their plans require it they’ll simply cut short his treatment at will, and we know Inaho won’t —and can’t— object. But… that would mean…”

He doesn’t need to finish the sentence, as tension fills the room. Although he had been miles away when the UFE had used the Deucalion to kill off the martians, his friends had briefed him on it afterwards. If the UFE had a dire need for Inaho, it would be to do it again.

“... We knew that would never be a one time thing,” Magbaredge eventually says. “This all but confirms it. And… our hands are tied.”

Marito snorts. “We had more power when we were all alone fighting the whole of the Martian front,” he says bitterly.

“Yes, but as things stand if we go against the UFE, either we do so by admitting what they’ve done, and usher in another war, or we say nothing as to why we are disobeying them, at which point the martians will aid the UFE in putting us all down. We must survive, for the children's futures, at least.”

“You are wise as always, Captain,” Mizusaki beams, then turns to Yagarai. “You said that was your first issue?”

“Ah, yes. The other thing is Inaho Kaizuka himself. The damage is… suspicious. A concussion bad enough to result in what should have left some other lingering damage. Maybe the treatment wasn’t as effective as I imagined, but I can’t help thinking that he used his analytical machine.”

They consider it. “Kaizuka Jr. is the sort that would do that, if needs be, though that would imply there was a need. What really went down during the storm?”

“He didn’t tell me, but we were in the medical facility, which I cannot vouch for the safety of.”

“Got it, we’ll haul him up here for the usual ‘meet up with old pals’ and lock him in this room til he talks,” Marito rubs his hands with glee.

“Unless you plan on waiting more than two months for that chance, you better promise me you’ll be gentle. I will not have more stress on him if I can help it. But regardless, I will not be allowing him to leave the medical facilities for a week at least. We’ll see how he responds to treatment first and only after his condition is stable will I consider allowing him to do anything that may prove to be emotionally or mentally strenuous.”

“Yes, mum.”

He ignores the comment. “But there’s something else, too. Well, usually I’d say it’s another possibility to his having used that machine, but this being Inaho Kaizuka, I feel like it’s both. I get the impression that he wants the reports saying his mental state is fragile. I got that from our first treatment too, but I assumed it meant he wanted to bow out of further being used by the UFE.”

“The smartest move, really.”

“Yes, but that is the thing. Before, I had suggested that… given how novel the treatment is… how unique his injuries are… and how there really isn’t anyone capable of truly countering my conclusions… I suggested I could perhaps… ah… err on the side of caution and claim he could do no work at all, as any form of responsibility would harm him. He refused, he wanted to be seen as capable still, just not too capable. Since that wasn’t a lie I agreed to it.

“And now I’ve implied I can do this for him again, and I would even have more basis for this claim, but he’s refused again. He wants to keep walking this tightrope where he is well enough not to be recused but not that well. I don’t understand why.”

“We’ve had this conversation already; thanks to that massacre we know what he went on to do, who he wants to keep watch on, if you will.”

“And all thanks to Captain Magbaredge’s keen observation skills!”

Yagarai hesitates. “Yes, I recall. It’s just… I dislike coming to conclusions based on my instincts, yet… there was something in his eyes—”

“Amazing you could see anything in his expression, maybe the damage is serious.”

Marito’s comment is once again ignored. “I feel like this time it’s different, it’s not just about not being forced into work he isn’t interested in. This time it’s as if he wants to be underestimated , while remaining inside the UFE fold.”

“...If your observation is correct, it means Kaizuka Jr. is planning something. When I get a hold of him, we’ll see. Don’t worry about it, just focus on treating him and leave any possible plans of his, to me.”

“Thank you.”

*

In the darkness of his bunk bed, Inaho lightly touches the pendant. 

He no longer needs light; he had held it for so long, and looked at it so much, he can see its pattern just by tracing it’s grooves with his fingers.

It’s a testament to sentimentality, really. He had once used his analytical machine on it, hoping for some form of communication to Asseylum hidden inside. Of course, nothing had come of that, and all his analytical machine could tell him was that the metalwork was too old for it to give him a creation account. Still Inaho had persevered, logically assuming his machine would not be able to pick up on aldnoah, and maybe keeping it close to him at all times would prove useful. 

In the end the one result was a lingering attachment towards the item, aided by the meaning behind it and, ironically, it’s one use came by giving it away.

Now… if Inaho had been more attached to feelings, he might have refused to take it back.

But Slaine had seen the exchange as a gift, and how could Inaho deny any little show of friendliness Slaine was willing to give him?

He hated, however, that it would put him in a similar place to Asseylum. The pedestal Slaine had put her on, would insult Inaho to be given.

Yet that wasn’t the most discomforting reason he had almost refused. The main reason was that, while for Slaine the gift had a hopeful, positive meaning, to Inaho holding the pendant is a burden of guilt.

Failing to bring its rightful owner aboard the Deucalion after shooting him down, failing to ask more about Asseylum’s supposed friend, to the point he never even knew the pendant was his, failure to protect Asseylum from being shot and taken away, failure to do anything but watch Slaine live out his imprisonment. 

His head hurts. Inaho breathes in and out deeply for a while until it subsides. 

He made mistakes, he knows that. But so did everyone else. He knows that. Dwelling on that now is counterproductive. He needs recovery, and fast.

Nonetheless, the pendant is a conflicting thing. The trust and warmth he feels for being given it willingly feels as warm as the weight of the failures he cannot help but associate with it.

The faster he can return to Slaine, to hand him his pendant back personally this time, and not for any ulterior motive like with Asseylum, the faster he can be at peace with it.

-

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Notes:

-I hope everyone has been well, safe and healthy. The lockdown actually forcefully gave me the downtime I needed to force myself to finally get through to write the part that I couldn’t no matter what. The Mazuurek scene, for example, had been partially completed since I released ch37. Eddelrituo’s scene had to be reworded for reasons, but had its draft done since last year. The rest were the difficult bits to write. My creative drive was basically all stuck doing Mazuurek’s debate, and as the rest of the chapter is mostly set up… I just seemed incapable of pinning down words.

-But difficulty doesn’t mean it’s okay to take two years for a chapter. I sincerely apologize to all of you, I read all the comments and they remind me to not stop no matter what, but I know the delay has gone beyond reasonable. For those who still read this even when they’ve been following this since the start of the publishing dates, I appreciate your patience with me, I don’t deserve it. I hope i can do better in the future.

-I’ve been made aware that apparently after the last episode “to strengthen the bond between the two planets, an Aldnoah Reactor is created to give Aldnoah activation power to everyone on the planet. And the Vers Empire would be the ones to export the Aldnoah power to the Unite Earth”. Words cannot express how idiotic this is, much less its lack of feasibility. Are they saying people don't need to suck dic- I mean exchange fluids with someone with aldnoah rights and that this reactor does the trick? Even if that’s it, giving everyone the power to use aldnoah isn’t a good idea, it’s a disaster. I can’t decide if I disregard this or attempt to fix it into something sensible, if that’s possible.

-Schrodinger’s Emperor. I am conflicted about how this thing works: I was under the assumption he had to be alive, because if he died surely everyone that sucked his dic- his saliva to gain aldnoah rights would lose it. When Asseylum nearly died, it’s shown as if only the Deucalion (directly powered by her) is affected, but then again, she never handed rights to anyone… except she did. Slaine. The ultimate question is if Slaine could power the mechas because Saazbaum gave his rights, or because he still had Asseylum’s power. I’m thinking it’s the latter, as I feel as if I’m forgetting some example of him managing to power stuff up and being surprised about it. Of course, this in turn means that we have a Schrodinger’s former Emperor here: he can be dead, he can be alive, because it means power already given to a person isn’t revoked by death of the giver, only by will. But if he’s dead, and noone lost power, why have Asseylum be so powerful? She becomes in fact the last roadblock to power, so clearly just murder her. However… if he’s still alive and no one knows he can die and they still have power (because few people know Asseylum suffered cardiac arrest), then of course no one will risk it… If anyone has enough memory of the show to give me examples that confirm or deny all this, please tell me.

-Inaho and Slaine’s plot: I checked this with my beta. I reflected as much as I could (and boy did i have time for that) and sincerely continued with this plotpoint. Ultimately there is no other excuse I could think of that would be better to give a martian insurrection to convince them Inaho is not a threat but in fact willing to work on overthrowing Asseylum. A lust for power? Nope, he can have power if he just asks Asseylum. True peace? Nope, there is no guarantee this group will bring more peace to both people than Asseylum has. He has no reason to wish revenge on the UFE either. The only slightly plausible explanation would be his being in love and needing the change of government because of that.

-Protip for any writers planning to do a long fic. For the love of god, make notes. I don't mean the obvious “write down the main plot points you're planning to have” but detailed ones such as “X and Y have deep talk in ch 00” because I sure as hell did not and every single time I find myself needing to reread my own fic to try and scrounge the details of what I might have written somewhere and which, though minor, would impact if i now had the characters saying/acting contrary to the info already given. Imagine having to search through over 200k words every time. Don’t do it, keep detailed notes.

-Special thanks to my beta, who not only is forced to fix all my mistakes, hear about and debate plot points with me, but also saved story flow by literally reminding me Eddelrittuo had expressly acted as if Slaine was dead back in chapter 15, as I was about to have Mazuurek tell her Inaho is in love with Slaine in this chapter, you can likely still see the vestiges I could save of how that would have played out in the fic.

[aion-rsa]

Why Jack Bauer Is America’s James Bond

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Despite what Marvel might have you believe, not all film franchises are perfectly serialized.

Take, for example, another kind of cinematic superhero: James Bond a.k.a. 007. The MI6 spy created by Ian Fleming and brought to screen by Harry Saltzman and Albert R. Broccoli is timeless in the most literal sense of the world. Since Sean Connery passed the role of James Bond to Roger Moore for good in 1973’s Live and Let Die (Connery previously gave way to George Lazenby in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service before returning in Diamonds Are Forever), James Bond has become unstuck in time. 

As played in subsequent films over several decades by actors like Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig, Bond remains the same while the world around him changes. Some fans like to theorize that “Agent 007” and “James Bond” are aliases used by different MI6 spies throughout the years. But within the context of the series, there is only one Bond…James Bond. Bond is always middle-aged, looks good in a tux, enjoys stiff drinks and beautiful women. 

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The Cold War ended in the ‘90s and yet Bond, perhap the ultimate cinematic representative of its aesthetic, just kept calm and carried on as usual. Save for a handful of Craig’s latter year depictions, James Bond rarely learns any new tricks. He doesn’t develop. He is what he is – a hero of espionage and action. In that regard, the James Bond series is a surprisingly honest exploration of the occasional propagandistic aims of major blockbuster filmmaking. Bond isn’t a character in a story. He’s the United Kingdom’s idealized version of itself writ large on a canvas widescreen: a suave spy who is welcomed into every country to get laid and save the world. 

But what about the United States’ idealized version of itself? How has the Cold War’s lone surviving superpower let itself go without a similarly iconic (and occasionally nakedly jingoistic) cinematic creation? The answer is that America already does have an outsized action icon…he was just on television. 

Jack Bauer of early 2000s Fox thriller series 24 is American James Bond whether we want him to be or not. Just as Bond is the idealized Englishman, with his martini lunches and quick wit, Bauer is the America’s warped ideal of itself: angry, merciless, focused, and unfailingly effective. 

As portrayed by Kiefer Sutherland (who won an Emmy for the role), Jack Bauer started off as a fairly three-dimensional character in 24’s first season. That season picked up with Jack as a family man and a glorified pencil pusher at the fictional Counter Terrorist Unit’s Los Angeles office. Over the span of the first season’s 24 hours (24’s hook, of course, is that each season takes place over the span of a 24-hour day in real time), Jack slowly lost grip of his humanity, culminating with his friend Nina Myers turning out to be a mole and murdering his wife Teri. 

The death of Teri fundamentally changed Jack. For eight subsequent seasons and a movie, Jack became an Uncle Sam-style cartoon character obsessed with protecting his country from terrorists all over the globe, because his family was already taken away from him. Elisha Cuthbert as Jack’s daughter Kim was a prominent character for a few seasons, but as she was phased out so too was Jack’s grip on reality.

Unlike the James Bond series, 24 was particularly devoted to its chronology, with the very premise of the show meaning it had to have a close relationship with time. Jack Bauer would in theory grow as a character from season to season. But rather than developing, he mostly devolved into the most base version of himself. 

It’s in this way that Bauer actually became more like James Bond than one might initially expect. Regardless of who is playing him or what time period a particular film is set in, Bond’s characteristics remain static. By the end of 24’s run in 2014, Jack was similarly a Bond-ian relic of the past. Though the country was still feeling the effects of it, “The War on Terror” seemed as dramatically quaint for 24 as the Cold War did for James Bond. And yet here was this rugged American in the miniseries 24: Live Another Day, gripping the life out of a pistol and barking at perceived London terrorists in a gravely timber like a psycho.

24: Live Another Day was the last appearance for Jack Bauer and rightfully so at the time. The character had become a bit too anachronistic and his show, quite frankly, was frequently xenophobic. Still, as the continued success of Craig’s Bond films indicate (with No Time to Die finally set to arrive this October) perhaps there is still room for walking anachronisms in the entertainment world, as long as they’re approached correctly.

Fox has repeatedly attempted to rejuvenate the 24 brand. In 2017, the network greenlit a spinoff starring Corey Hawkins called 24: Legacy. Like its forefather, 24: Legacy, utilized a real-time format, only condensing 24 hours into 12 episodes like Live Another Day did. The spinoff was not successful and was quickly canceled following the conclusion of its first season.

Ultimately, Fox (now owned by Disney) hasn’t made any subsequent reboot attempts work yet because it has misidentified the appeal of 24 as a franchise. While the ticking clock aspect of telling a story in real time is novel and interesting, it wasn’t the reason the original series lasted for nine seasons. The real reason for 24’s success was Jack Bauer. Viewers are typically attracted to characters, not concepts. In Jack Bauer, many an American viewer likely found the embodiment of a paranoid nation they recognized.

There’s an undercurrent of anger and indignance in the American psyche. Exactly why is a question best left for sociologists. Perhaps it’s misplaced guilt over displacing a society to create a new one, or maybe it’s just the disappointment of being promised a Manifest Destiny and getting Wyoming. But whatever the reason, Jack Bauer is as apt a cartoonish American avatar as James Bond is a British one.

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So why then doesn’t 20th Television (again, now owned by Disney) just formalize the comparison and make Jack Bauer literally American James Bond? Just as Connery once handed off the baton to Lazenby and Moore, have Sutherland hand the role off to someone else. That actor would preferably represent the American physicality that Sutherland brought to the role (despite Sutherland being a Canadian, which is somewhat fitting given that the Scottish Connery was the first to play Her Majesty’s favorite spy). The new Jack Bauer would be played by someone who is short, stubbly, and angry rather than Bond’s tall, dark, and handsome. Throw the new Jack back into the field in a modern day ticking time bomb plot without bothering to explain why he is still middle-aged after 20 years. 

The answer to why Disney wouldn’t want to do such a thing is almost certainly all that aforementioned racism and torture. That is admittedly a, uh…roadblock. It really can’t be overstated just how xenophoci 24 was at times and how cruel it could be to characters and actors of Middle Eastern descent. Jack Bauer’s reliance on torture wasn’t just a dramatic crutch, 24 co-creator Joel Surnow genuinely believed in the value of torture as a foreign policy tactic. 

Suffice it to say, the series has not aged well. Then again, however, neither have many of the earlier Bond films. To a certain extent that’s the point of the Bond franchise. It understands that making movies is making myths. James Bond is every bit the mythical figure that Captain America or Iron Man are. The fact that Bond is so obviously an exaggerated character now has helped soften some of his more problematic edges. 

Bauer, on the other hand, comes from an era where Americans were both terrified of the looming threat of terrorism and were starting to invest in television as a more “serious” art form. As such, not everyone of the time was prepared to accept Jack Bauer as American James Bond, that is to say a cheesy cultural figure, not a vital supersoldier of freedom. 

In The Atlantic’s 2007 article “Whatever It Takes” about the politics of 24,  U.S. Army Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan, the dean of the United States Military Academy at West Point, recounts Jack Bauer’s effect on enlistees.

“The kids see it, and say, ‘If torture is wrong, what about 24?’ The disturbing thing is that although torture may cause Jack Bauer some angst, it is always the patriotic thing to do.”

The world has changed since then, obviously. But even now, it feels like it hasn’t fully set in that Jack Bauer is the American James Bond and should be treated with the same amount of reverence, which is none at all. Perhaps the only responsible move left is, in fact, to continue the increasingly ridiculous stories of the character with new actors.

In the right hands, Jack Bauer could be put to use as a blockbuster magnet and an appropriate critique of American foreign policy. In the end, icons don’t matter so much as what you do with them. 

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