#and ofc the other folks I appreciate

[leclercsluvs]

CL16/DR3 | Already Over | smau

part 8

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7

an: i'm thinking this is only going to be like 1 more part. i have no clue what else to make happen tbh, dates/timestamps aren't important, pleas ignore them pairing: charles leclerc x fem!reader, daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, maxverstappen1 and 3.189.461 others charles_leclerc wish we could go back in time ❤️ tagged: yourusername

danielricciardo watch it.

maxverstappen1 you're doing everything huh?

charles_leclerc ofc i am. i love her. yourbff fuck off. you had your chance and you fucked up big time. yourfriend not you doing all this AFTER she's moved on. stop fucking with her head dude. pierregasly don't listen to them mate, show her how much you love her! yoursister pierre shut the fuck up, or i will make sure you are not able to drive next weekend <3

tayslover it rubs me the wrong way that he's posting like this while she's in a relationship. also i really need her to be on top of her game when she tours with THE queen.

y/nsfclklore not you putting one above the other 🤨 swiftesversion because taytay is above everyone 💁‍♀️ softy/n/n nahhh they're literally friends??? why put them against each other

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, landonorris and 3.156.442 others yourusername had a fantastic time the first night of the eras tour! thank you to everyone who cheered loudly for me, i appreciate all the support 🥹 tagged: taylorswift

danielricciardo looked gorgeous, sad i couldn't be there tonight

yourbff girlll you're shining!! we'll meet you at the next stop!! ❤️

yourusername no way!! who's "we"?? 🤨 yourfriend don't worry it doesn't involve your stupid ex yourbff it does involve someone else tho 👀 maxverstappen1 i wonder who

y/nswrld can't wait to see you soon!

taylorswift you were amazing! glad i decided to bring you with me

yourusername thank you so much for the opportunity! <3

danielricciardo

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 4.009.877 others danielricciardo stay hydrated folks! tagged: yourusername

yourusername you really had to include that first pic? 😭

danielricciardo ofc, i gotta get the message out there yourusername blocked.

landonorris you went and didn't invite me? kinda rude

danielricciardo sorry there wasn't space on the plane 🤷 yourbff do you have a private plane? landonorris yeah, why? yourfriend then we'll invite you the next time!

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, yourbff & 4.132.806 others yourusername this has been an amazing time! thank you so much for all the love!

danielricciardo you were amazing! loved seeing you do what you love

yourusername so happy you were able to be there! ❤️ yourbff 🤮 danielricciardo you were the one to bring me? 🤨 yourbff doesn't mean you have to be this cute yourusername aww you called us cute

charles_leclerc you looked gorgeous!

nvrris.ae did she cover 'hopelessly devoted to you' every night? or just the nights daniel was there?

scfty/n every night! but she did seem to sing it with more passion and with a bigger smile on her face whenever her friends or daniel was in the crowd nvrris.ae that's really cute honestly

charles_leclerc

liked by carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 & 4.283.800 others charles_leclerc i was told to wait with making this statement until the whole situation had died down a little, but going to see yourusername live in sydney, i realized i'm done waiting. i love this woman with all my heart. i will do anything to win back your trust. i would stand in the rain for hours watching you do what you love, i would quit racing, i would go through fire and ice, and of course my pr manager is fired. i am truly and incredibly sorry for what i put you through, and i understand if you are never going to fully forgive me. i miss you, and i love you. and i hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me at some point. i know you're currently in a relationship, and i'm not asking you to drop that. i just want a second chance. i want a fresh start if you think that would be possible. i hope from the bottom of my heart, that we can start over. i already told you exactly what happened over text, and i talked with everyone in the team, they are more than willing to also tell the story from their perspective. tagged: yourusername

leclrcs this is honestly the cutest little statement ever

scuderia.sf get heeer

danielricciardo watch out.

charles_leclerc i understand the two of you are in a relationship, and i'm not going to fight you, i simply just want forgiveness. i'm not interested in breaking the two of you up

yoursister are you being fr right now??? she's over you. you didn't have to make a public statement or anything at all???

charles_leclerc as i stated, i'm not expecting her to forgive me right now, right this second. i'm expecting it's going to take time, and i'm gonna giver her all the time she needs. yoursister you better sleep with one eye open.

danielricciardo

liked by yourusername, yourbff & 3.458.124 others danielricciardo cool date idea: ask your girlfriend what she wants for dinner and then buy her favorite snacks too tagged: yourusername

yourusername best date to ever exist

yourbff wow what about that time i made you a homecooked meal? yourusername you almost burned down my house??? yourbff um i thought we agreed to not bring that up yourusername no you agreed with yourself to never bring that up, i never agreed.

landonorris and i wasn't invited because???

danielricciardo i didn't know we dated? yourusername care to explain yourself? landonorris yeah care to explain yourself? danielricciardo woah hold on how many people am i dating???

mayasheart aww this is such a cute idea! hold on i'm writing it down

-

okay soooo we're nearing the end. which is good because i have absolutely no clue what else can happen. but the next part is going to happen a bit in the future, like 1 or 2 years later. i'll figure that out while writing the next and last part.

part 9

tag list: @exotic-iris13 @callsignwidow @destinyg237 @lanadelray1989

[kairiscorner]

Hii, can I request Miguel with sunshine reader, who actually struggles a lot mentally? Like they are kind, friendly and very playful with pretty much everyone, but they find it difficult to open up about their constant feeling of loneliness and emptiness. And so Miguel sees them at the moment when all their facade is gone.

No pressure ofc, feel free to deny it if you don't feel like doing it🌿

HIII ANON, omg i love this idea SO MUCH, i hope i did this justice :') but here you gooooo

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

summary: miguel o'hara could never fully comprehend someone of your caliber; you were just too much for him. you were loud, playful, open, and kind; he thought you were that simple. but when he caught you one day after a mission, seeing you in a light he never thought he could see you in... he realized there was much more to you than you were letting on.

warnings: mentions of self-deprecation (this is an angst, for the most part)

word count: 2,655

miguel couldn't wrap his head around you at first, around you and your psyche, around you and just how consistently tenderhearted and amiable you were towards everyone in the spider society. when he first sought you out, he thought you were the same as him; shattered, isolated, and dissociative from people to protect not only them, but yourself. but oh, was he wrong. he knew your background very well, he knew you suffered many tragedies in your life, be it as a spider person or as a person of your own, you had too much happen to you all at once.

he sympathized with you in many ways, but he knew someone of your aptitude would be remarkable help in his elite force. the first time he met you, however, he was greeted with a completely subverted image of the spider person he expected you to be. you were warm, friendly, sweet, and open.

you were a little shy and anxious around him at first, and he couldn't blame you. it was your first time meeting someone like you, but you were so enthusiastic about meeting him and the prospect of meeting so many other spider people just like you that you couldn't sit or stand still at the thought of meeting them all.

miguel asked himself at first why you seemed so trusting, so eager to meet people when he heard how well people in your life have hurt you in the past. he didn't know the specifics of it because he was busy recruiting other spider people and monitoring other universes, but he knew of the events in your life, at least short, important tid bits of them; and he had never felt more sympathy for anyone else in his life until you came along.

when you were first initiated into the spider society, miguel was a little taken aback at how easy it was for you to make friends. you had a lot of people to talk to, bond with, and impress already, and they loved you!

every single one of them was captivated by how charming you were, how generous you were of your time and services, and how quick you were on your feet to offer yourself to join some of the spider folks on missions, or even just run errands so they wouldn't have to do it alone.

you were, in the truest sense possible, an angel. the spider society loved you, they all believed you could do no wrong. you were always up for helping other people and ensuring their safety and comfort. though sometimes you'd go overboard and not hesitate to sacrifice your own safety and comfort for them, you'd tell them it's okay, you'd willingly go above and beyond for the people you care about.

you kept telling yourself it was okay to lose yourself for other people.

you kept telling yourself it didn't matter, so long it was just you and not them.

that's how your world revolved, right? people came and went as they pleased, you did your best, your everything to keep them, and you'd do it all again in a heartbeat if it'd meant they'd stay. you wished they'd stay if what you had to do was carry their burdens and misfortunes. you were strong, capable, and durable; you convinced yourself you could take it. you saved your city before, time and time again--even if you were battered, bruised, bloodied and thankless in the end, you smiled regardless and were willing to do it all over again.

"don't worry about me, i'm your friendly neighborhood spider person! i'm built for this stuff, i've got you." "oh, no! i'll take care of that for you, i'd rather you rest. let me take care of it, i've got you." "i'll take care of this! you guys do your own thing, i'll do this. ...because i've got you."

endlessly, those three words: "i've got you" is ingrained in miguel's head. he's not exactly tired of hearing it, he's impressed on how keen you are to be useful and pick up your own slack plus others' work. he does think you're a bit of a pushover for that, though, which he is a little disappointed with, but nothing he can do to force you out of that trait of yours.

he does wish you'd say no or stand your ground whenever you were uncomfortable with something, but then again, like all great pretenders, you took every favor and request with a smile and a pep in your step. it was like you wanted everyone to know you live to serve, that you wanted nothing but to be useful to everyone, even if it put a strain on you.

however, when you and your team came back from a mission with significantly more injured spiders than usual, instead of being greeted with your concerned yet reassuring self that'd rush to the side of the injured spiders, you ran away when you got back to HQ, leaving them behind as you looked away in what appeared to be... unbridled shame.

miguel weaved his way through the small crowd that gathered around the injured spider people when he was told they'd all be out of commission for a while, but otherwise, do okay; he had to find you, because he had a feeling something was off about you, something must've happened.

miguel wordlessly searched for you, thinking that if he called out for you, you'd run away and hide even more. not long after, he heard soft sobs and whimpering by a nearby broom closet. miguel halted in his tracks and moved closer to the door. his expression softened and became one of genuine worry, but he still remained his composure as he realized that voice that was choking up tears and sobbing was yours.

he knocked on the door of the broom closet, and soon, the sobbing stopped for a minute. "...do you want to talk?" miguel asked you after that moment of pure silence. you didn't respond for a little while, but you gave in and slowly opened the door, your eyes and nose puffy and red; your lip quivering at the corners--you really weren't okay, and this was a rare sight to behold.

miguel's expression soon cracked into one of worry. he instinctively moved toward you a step closer, but held back in fear of you sobbing again. "what happened?" he asked you in a gentle voice, a voice that promised he wouldn't judge you for whatever answer you give him, because miguel always had that feeling: there were a million unsaid things that were so, so wrong; but you never uttered a word about it, nor cried a plea for any help, and kept all your feelings locked away behind your insincere, forced smile.

you looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with miguel... or anyone, for that matter. you tried to shake your head, deny anything was wrong, but not this time. you had betrayed yourself, your own feelings, wants, and needs for the longest time that they all just came spilling out and being released from you in a much needed sob.

you could feel yourself tearing up again, and you tried to fight it, but miguel shook his head and put his hands on your shoulders. "no. stop it." he said in a concerned yet stern voice as he gazed at you and your glassy eyes, keeping your tears in the best you could. "stop holding it in. please. i know you want to see everyone happy, i know you don't want things to go wrong anymore, but please... don't keep your feelings bottled up. it does you more harm than good." he uttered softly as his grip on you tightened a little.

you heard it. finally, you heard it. those words that you longed to hear, in the many years you've been hurt, lied to, and abandoned by people you loved and cared about; you finally heard permission to cry, to be vulnerable, to be weak for a moment. you finally had a moment of respite from all the pretending you were sick of doing.

in a moment, you went from being composed, yet red and puffed up in the eyes and nose, to a full on sobbing mess in front of miguel. he let go of you when you started sobbing, but you held on to him as you cried. he took that as a sign that you didn't mind him holding you as you cried, you never had that luxury before anyway, being held as you cried, letting go of everything you've been holding for the longest time.

it was relieving, it was soothing, but it was painful. it was a remedy for your wounded emotions, crying your heart out as miguel held you. you knew you might get sick afterwards, crying so hard your heart might break, but miguel pat your back--albeit a little awkwardly--and whispered words of encouragement to let it out, let it all out.

"i hurt them..." you muttered through your sobs. "i told them i had it, i thought i had it, i thought i could take out the villain all on my own." you murmured as your sniffling continued. "i didn't want them to get hurt, really, i promise... but i took one wrong step, and–" you choked out as you cried even more as miguel shushed you and told you it was okay to let it out.

"i... just... i just don't want–don't want to be left alone anymore... i don't want to be hated, i don't want to be talked bad about behind my back; i want to feel like i belong." you whispered as your crying slowly stopped to let you breathe for a bit, taking in a ragged breath as you leaned against miguel, exhausted after letting out exactly what you felt and held in, all this time.

"you're... so very brave." he murmured as your sobs drowned out what he was saying. he didn't raise his voice at you, and especially not when you were in this state. "but so, so foolish." he remarked as he looked down at you, still sobbing. he sighed as he put a hand on your chin and angled your head to look up at him, the softness in his face ever so present as yours became redder and puffier.

"you're amazing, you can do anything and everything asked of you, and everyone loves you for that. and yet, you can't seem to give yourself a break. you're... you're forcing yourself to become someone you don't want to be." he says in a soft voice. "...i might just be doing that." you say as the realization of what you've been doing to yourself dawned on you.

miguel pulled away from you a little and ran a hand through his hair, still looking at you, but thinking of what to tell you. "if you're scared of them rejecting you for showing weakness or this... vulnerable side of you, don't be. i've worked with many of these people for years, some i've only met recently, but all of them–all of the people here love you." he told you as he watched you wipe the tears from your eyes, still sniffling. "every single one of them, they all have something nice to say about you. but we're all concerned for you," he said as he took your hand in his.

"you're constantly taking their burdens upon yourself. you don't think they realize that? they appreciate you, so, so much; but they want you to stop and think about yourself first." he tried getting his words through to you in a pleading voice. "we're a team. you don't have to go through this alone. and, really..." he said as he rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand, staring down at how much smaller, more vulnerable you were compared to him. "...i wanted to be the one to keep you from falling apart and letting yourself forget who you really are. i know i knew you for, what, a few months? but even before that, before you joined us, before you are who are now, i've seen how you are, how you act--and i've been informed of... tribulations you've gone through, things you keep hidden underneath the surface. you've been through too much for one to bear all alone."

you look up at miguel, and for the first time, you feel something new; you feel as though, despite the troubles you've gone through, the troubles you sometimes inflict upon yourself, you do have someone looking out for you. and it's always been him, ever since the beginning.

"and because... i know what it's like. i know what it's like to have to mask yourself so nobody gets worried about you, so no one thinks you're easy pickings... so you don't hurt or get hurt anymore..." miguel continued as his voice got softer. he took a breath in, and letting it out in an exhausted sigh, as if he, too, were also sick of hiding exactly how he felt and who he was. "it's the things we keep hidden that always show." he said as he looked at your eyes. "but don't... don't be scared to show it. and if not the others... you have me." he said softly, slowly reeling back from you, letting go of your hand gently and widening his eyes as he realized what he was saying. a silence befell you two as you stared at him, in wonder, at this side of miguel; this side he was hiding that he soon showed, that he soon brought to light in front of you.

"can you do something for me?" miguel asked as he broke the silence, looking into your swollen eyes. "please promise me that when you say 'i've got this'... remind yourself that i've got you. i'm right here for you to call, any time you need me." he said with a small smile as he wiped the tears from your eyes. "do you promise me?" he asked you as you slowly nodded, with his hand lowering down to your cheeks and resting there. "i promise. i... got this. i've got you." you said with a small smile. he returned the smile with one of his own. "you've got me." he said as he rubbed your cheek softly.

and as miguel were about to pull away, you wrapped your arms around him, your bright, signature smile returning to your face. your eyes were still puffy and swollen, but they shone, even in the dim light of this tiny broom closet. "thank you, miguel." you thanked him before he could leave, your arms tightening around his waist as you held him close, not wanting to let him go. it wasn't out of fear that you didn't want to let him go, you wanted to let him feel just how much he's saved you from yourself, how good it felt to be told those words for the first time in a long, long while.

miguel was shaken at first when you held him, he... hadn't been held that way in... ever. he didn't know what to do in the beginning, he wasn't sure when you'd pull away, but as the embrace prolonged, he found himself wishing you wouldn't pull away. he soon brought his arms up, then, he brought them close to your back, still hovering his arms in the air awkwardly as you leaned into the hug.

then, in one final swoop, he took the plunge and embraced you back; and miguel had never felt a happier silence than that, embracing you, who finally let yourself show how you truly felt, and how, even if you were scared of being abandoned again, being left alone... miguel was not one of those people for you to fear would leave.

not now, not ever.

a/n: NERIJOBFIURBIUBRIBVVBBNE NGL I FEEL LIKE I KINDA DRAGGED THIS OUT AND DIDN'T EXPRESS EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY, BUT THIS AAAAAAAAAA I'M CRYINGGGGG

tags !! @thecoolerdor @miguelswifey04 @luvstarrstruck

[vampirevatican]

Looking at saved photos of him...

pairing: om! brothers x reader

summary: the bros find you reacting to something on your phone. a huge smile, blushing, covering your mouth, or muttering things to yourself. they would've never guessed you were looking at them

note: whenever i see my fave boys, especially mammon, i think about how they'd react so i made this

Lucifer

remember. he is pride personified.

sure it's not an arrogant pride, more so stubborness

but!! in this case? oh yeah he knows he's hot shit and he couldn't be happier

funniest part is that the mfer usually has a smug and calm look on his face so when he's thinking about how you were just grinning over photos of him it doesn't really show to others

Mammon

he's boasting...

instantly in the HoL group chat he's going on and on about how he's better

how you ramble on and on over just looking at photos of him

he WILL NOT stfu about it... unless one of his stronger brothers makes him (lucifer or satan specifically)

would start sending you pictures of him at modeling jobs

Leviathan

oh he's flustered and confused

how could you blush over a smelly, bastard, gross otaku like him

and then he hears how sweetly you talk about him and he just gets more flustered and embarrassed

going over some of the pictures with him? maybe you'll build his confidence a bit

although im certain he'd still be fumbling his words and in awe at how you see him and love him

he's going to cherish this for a long time

Satan

he is his father's daughter son.

by that i mean to say that he's prideful about it but he's not focused on him and it being a natural fact like luci

and it's not bc out of all his brothers you're reacting like this about him like mamo or levi

nah this is him being better than lucifer. this is about you seeing him for him. this is about loving him from cute cat pics, rage and handsome

Asmodeus

it's worse than lucifer... mainly because he lives and breathes the reality that he is the most gorgeous thing in all the three realms

would constantly tease you over it

anytime you simply glance at him? "take a picture, darling. it'll last longer." (affectionate)

and me? personally? i'd wanna wipe the smirk off of his face

but for the folks who are in love with him?? you take multiple pictures instantly which he poses for ofc

you now receive every selfie he takes before he posts it on devilgram

Beelzebub

doesn't think much of it but is very happy about it

seeing you happy makes him happy, he's simple like that

at the same time he is very emotional intuitive, so he knows that when you swoon over the pictures it's more too it than his looks

hell the photos and your muttered words say it too, and he actually holds onto how sweet it all is

really makes his day that he's more than just brawn or someone who eats a lot to you...

he feels warm inside when you say he's your baby

Belphgor

he can look like he doesn't care, he can sound like it

but know for sure he's teasing you

and that teasing is the only way he can actually tell you he wants you to look at him more

being the baby, the seventh, and the least active/present brother he demands and needs the attention

might be sweet and smile at you more when you lock eyes, or just when he sees you... maybe even smiles in his sleep when hearing your voice or sensing your presence

i feel like he'd tease you if he catches you staring at him one day by saying "take a picture it'll last longer" (derogatory)

but please take pictures of him, he appreciates the attention

[dreamhot]

book project 2: electric boogaloo

hey folks, in light of the need for some positivity, we (that is to say, ro, lost, and i) have decided to rally together to make yet another book - this one for the dteam as a group!

the goal is to compile little messages (think of what you might write on a whiteboard - encouragement, a hello, appreciation, whatever else) and send them to the PO box for the whole dteam to enjoy :] there's no real overarching theme this time, since this is meant to be a fairly open expression of support/gratitude/etc.

our hope is that people will direct their messages to the entire dteam, but there will be an opportunity to write individual messages as well. that section might end up more limited, as we want to dedicate the most space toward the group sentiments. we'll do our best to accommodate what we can, however.

we also have other plans for supplementary layout items, but we're still working on the details for that. stay tuned, since there might be an opportunity to provide small doodles to the project!

we're planning on keeping the form open for a week (until august 11th, 11:59pm est) or until we hit a set limit of responses - we just want to keep the amount manageable. we may also have to close the form in the event of griefing, but we'll find workarounds if that happens. we want as many people to be able to contribute as possible, which is also why we've got a word limit this time 😘

the link to the form is here !

remember, please submit any entries by august 11th, 11:59pm est. if we need to close it before then, i'll make a post announcing it. reblogs will stay on for now unless it becomes necessary to turn them off.

NOTE: this is a project for dtblr!! we would prefer if this does Not get shared on twitter. twitter mains are ofc welcome to contribute, but please respect that we'd like to keep it primarily for this side of the fandom :] we appreciate your understanding!

thank you in advance! let's make something nice !!!

[marnerparty]

soft launch

Jamie Drysdale x Zegras!reader

ynzegras

Liked by yourbestfriend, lhughes_06 and 15,094 others

ynzegras my favorite secret ❤️

View all 128 comments

trevorzegras call me right this instant

ynzegras I’m good!

user1 she’s off the market folks

user2 maybe she should give Trevor some tips

ynzegras someone had to say it🤷🏼‍♀️

lhughes_06 safe to say this wasn’t shared with Trevor?

ynzegras yeah .. 🫢

lhughes_06 BOLD y/n

trevorzegras oh so LUKE knows!?

ynzegras @/trevorzegras bestie > brother sometimes, it’s just a rule!

masonmctavish23 now I’m confused.. are we not best friends?

ynzegras uhm ofc we are?? can I only have one best friend??

_quinnhughes who’s ass am I beating?

ynzegras I 💙 you my Quinny

user3 we need to find out who this is

user4 we thinking hockey player?

user3 not sure.. how do we think Trevor would react?

trevorzegras really bad I think

ynzegras

Liked by jackhughes, edwards.73 and 20,456 others

ynzegras while everyone’s obsessing over who my boyfriend is, I’m obsessing over my bestie back in Ann Arbor #goblue

View all 195 comments

lhughes_06 thanks for being my good luck charm 💛

ynzegras anything for you my favorite Hughes :)

jackhughes HEY

ynzegras sorry not sorry j :/

_quinnhughes Jack why are you acting surprised?

ynzegras yeah Jack, be like Quinny and always have my back

jackhughes 🙄

edwards.73 so happy I finally got to meet you!

ynzegras me too, Ethan! we’ll get those tacos next time together instead of that disgusting chinese food 🤮

edwards.73 yeah, I wonder who picked that dinner @/markestapa

markestapa we’re still talking about this? we agreed majority would decide and you two were the only ones voting for tacos!

ynzegras I don’t recall agreeing to that

edwards.73 me either

lhughes_06 we definitely did

ynzegras 😑

user1 I definitely didn’t forget about her boyfriend

user2 maybe the boyfriend’s Luke

ynzegras absolutely not

jamie.drysdale thanks for the invite 🙄

ynzegras you had pt!

jamie.drysdale would’ve skipped for you

trevorzegras you would’ve what for who?

jackhughes 👀

user3 anyone seeing this!?

jamie.drysdale

Liked by trevorzegras, jackhughes and 18,765 others

jamie.drysdale her > the view

View all 117 comments

lhughes_06 she IS the view

jamie.drysdale facts

ynzegras gorgeous sunset

jamie.drysdale gorgeous girl

trevorzegras I think everythings starting to make sense

user1 trevor confirming yn & jamie!?

user2 dating his best friends sister? no shot

ynzegras fr who does that?

masonmctavish can I move in?

trevorzegras I bully rookies

ynzegras don’t listen to him, Tavy. of course you can

trevorzegras you make decisions for MY house?

jamie.drysdale our*

masonmctavish yn is 100% my favorite

Liked by jamie.drysdale

jackhughes Jamie isn’t a lil baby anymore 🥹

trevorzegras oh trust me, definitely is. still can’t properly do a load of laundry

jamie.drysdale TREVOR! you promised you wouldn’t share that

trevorzegras well you know what you promised? 😐

jamie.drysdale 🤐

ynzegras can’t help but think that’s about me guys

user3 really conflicted on this dynamic here

ynzegras honestly same

tterry19 this is the most anticipated soft launch ever

trevorzegras not you too🤦🏼‍♀️

ynzegras

Liked by jamie.drysdale, yourbestfriend and 17,402 others

ynzegras appreciation post for the one I love mostest 🧡

Tagged trevorzegras

View all 342 comments

trevorzegras love you more🤍

elblue6 i miss you! come to the lake this summer!

ynzegras anything for you mama Hughes❤️

jackhughes mom get outta here

jamie.drysdale you made him cry

trevorzegras JIMMY!

ynzegras he’s a drama queen

edwards.73 zegras siblings over hughes siblings there I said it

jamie.drysdale yn > trevor there I said it

user1 RELATIONSHIP CONFIRMED

ynzegras 🤍

trevorzegras you’re sleeping on the couch

jamie.drysdale don’t we have separate rooms?

tterry19 these are gold

trevorzegras get out of my sister’s comment section

tterry19 no🧡

ynzegras YES TROY TELL HIM!

anaheimducks our favorite siblings

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jamie.drysdale

Liked by tterry19, masonmctavish23 and 22,450 others

jamie.drysdale best friend’s brother sister

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jackhughes THE CAPTION

ynzegras ikr & I didn’t even help him

user1 who would’ve thought Jamie gets a girl before Trevor?

ynzegras wow, that’s kinda rude!

trevorzegras Jamie is a ladies man

trevorzegras WAIT I THOUGHT YOU WEREN’T AT LAST NIGHTS GAME

ynzegras I lied :)

simon_benoit11 Jamie grew up

ynzegras wow look at all these ducks showing up

_quinnhughes hurt her I’ll kill you

lhughes_06 same

edwards.73 same

colecaufield same

ynzegras @/colecaufield nice of you to make an appearance!

user2 wish it was Luke

jamie.drysdale same

trevorzegras I wish I could hate this but I can’t

tterry19 Am I the only one that didn’t see this coming??

jamie.drysdale yeah

nsuzuki_37 who would’ve thought Jamie would be the one to confirm this?

ynzegras he’s growing & I’m proud

daniterry1 cutest

ynzegras ILY

jamie.drysdale godparents?

daniterry1 👀

tterry19 yn, yes, jamie, no

ynzegras

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ynzegras been busy loving this guy ❤️

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[oscillating-fan-whore3]

☆Hi☆

I'm Elliot, the depressed teen behind this blog :3 I'm transmasc and use he/they prns, please respect that

{{disclamer- this is a vent blog and centers a lot of mental health topics. Never forget that you ARE worthy of recovery and you deserve to live a happy and healthy life. There is more to life than your addictions and ED, I hope everyone who visits this blog recovers someday. Much love, stay safe <3}}

I AM ALSO A MINOR, IF UR A P0RN/K1NK BLOG UR GONNA BE BLOCKED

(It also takes me a hella long time to respond to dms I'm sorrrry😭😭😭)

My old blogs both got t worded (rip oscillating-fan-whore and oscillating-fan-whore2) (next time I'll be oscillating-fan-whore4!!)

This is a triggering blog, BLOCK DONT REPORT. Reporting makes my mental health worse and doesn't do jack shit, you can't report everyone, we always come back

(Note: nsfw adjacent posts are mentioned below cut, if you are an adult on this blog please read that section <3)

ed sh blog but also I post vents and abt my life outside ed and sh too :D

(More under cut)

Anyways now that we've hopefully weeded everyone who doesn't like it out, hi guys ^^

☆Basic Info☆

•I've had my ed since July of last year (23) but sh since 5th grade

•I am transmasc/a Trans guy. Pre-T ofc my family is unaccepting (but I am trying to acquire a binder)

•I'm a minor tho I'm uncomfortable with sharing my age on here. I'll just say I'm older than thirteen younger than sixteen.

•I do in fact have a partner (shocking I know. No idea how I pulled but I love them very much)

•American (I hate it here)

•No one irl knows

•Height and weight in stats

☆Whoops Elliot's brain and body don't work normal☆

•I have (somewhat?) Diagnosed depression and anxiety

•I have EDS (I haven't been tested for what type yet but we're assuming hypermobile or the heart one)

•until June 21st I'm wearing an extended holtor monitor to check for POTS and other cardio issues.

•(I suspect I have tourettes or a tic disorder, autism, and some other silly things going on but I've never been dx because my mom doesn't like believing me) [tho I AM trying to work up the nerve to ask my Dr abt tics]

☆Labels☆

•I have no idea abt my sexuality I'm assuming something aspec and arospec but other than that no real idea so I just say queer or gay (but I do tend to lean more omni with a preference for men or possibly androsexual)

•Trans guy obvi but not entirely binary (is anyone ever tho?)

•I do find myself leaning towards genderfawn sometimes

☆Hobbies☆

•Baking

•Reading

•Word searches

•Sitting around with my own thoughts

☆Interests☆

•NBC Hannibal (biggest one rn)

•Killing Eve

•The Umbrella Academy

•All That's Left in the World- Eric J Brown

•Birds

•Psychology. Specifically how humans are social animals (eg. How people go insane after being alone)

☆Fav artists/Bands I think u should check out☆

•The Narcissist Cookbook-Folk Punk

•Bug Hunter-Alternative/Indie

•Bear Ghost-Rock

☆Other☆

•prone to typos

•EMOTICON USER :3 :D ^^ :) :]

•active red bracelet wearer (aka a hair tie)

•sweetsp0>>>>meansp0 (unless it's good)

•Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal NY is THE ED song trust

•I'll make a tag list for recipes, lemme know if you want in :D

•I won't send bcs coaches fuck off

•ngl a lot of posts about the state of my stomach (she hasn't been okay in years <3)

•asks are welcome and encouraged (just don't be a bitch) (PLS SEND ASKS)

•I do occasionally post something NSFW adjacent abt my experiences in life (becuz I'm a horny teen with a partner get it together people) please keep in mind that I am still a MINOR and all of those posts have an 18+ DNI. 18+ are welcome to interact with every other post, but it's weird and uncomfortable on those kinds of posts. Me posting NSFW adjacent stuff is NOT an excuse to sexually harass me, especially if you are an adult.

[Stats]

Height: 5'4"

SW: >175 lbs

HW: >175 lbs

LW: 128 lbs (probs less let's be honest)

CW: 130 lbs (june will b my month)

UGW: 90 lbs (40 kg)

Bodyfat Percentage: 24.5% (moderately lean/ average)

BMI: ????(Healthy)

[Current goals]

☆<110 by the start of school

[I AM SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!]

[hugs4neth-official]

new intro post because the old one was a mess. Putting the entire thing below the cut for convenience. you should read all of it because it’s still a mess, just less of one.

Sup folks, I’m Neth.

It/Its pronouns for now.

I am the host/core of The System X. You can find our alter list/system intro/collective pronouns here. In general we use both plural and singular pronouns interchangeably, we’d like you to do the same. (Unless of course you are referring to a specific alter)

There has been some recent shenanigans with who is host, please click here for an update/explanation from the wonderful x.

If there is no sign off or my name signing off, it’s probably me (or we’re blurry). If another alter is fronting they’ll sign off with -[name]. In dm’s/comments they’ll sign off the first message and then talk as normal.

We have a tendency to use the different alter blogs to talk to ourselves. As of now the blogs are @curlyhaired-nico (Nico) and @vix-the-shift (Vixen) and myself.

Interacting with me: (✅=yes!!!, ❌=no, ⚠️=if i’ve talked to you or followed you for more than a week) (thing THEN whether im chill with it. ex: being mean ❌) Nicknames ✅ Pet names ✅ Terms of endearment ✅ Asks ✅ Dms ⚠️ Spam interactions ✅ Comments ✅ Vents ⚠️ Asking about DID/other alters ✅ Directly interacting with other alters/Addressing asks to other alters✅ Compliments✅ Physical affection✅ Fake claiming ❌ Being rude ❌ Bigotry❌ Syscourse (we have our own problems - syscourse neutral)❌ Tags ✅ Tag games✅ Chain asks⚠️ Post requests ✅ Ask games✅ mutual aid requests❌ untagged vents❌ asking for advice ✅ asking for comfort/compliments/affection✅

I live on reblogs. Please reblog.

TALK TO ME GOD DAMMIT

I love asks and comments.

Tone tags greatly appreciated! Also please tag pictures of food, flashing lights, and gifs/moving images.

My likes: cooking, baking, crafts, activism, fashion, natural history, animals, theology, fandom, friends, cows, psychology, stuffies, agere, stimboards,

My interests: PJO, Nimona, French Horn, Art,

I am very active in the PJO fandom and can recite along to most of the nimona movie. I also have wonderful meta you should ask me about my meta. I’ll also occasionally post recipes — if I mention I cooked something and don’t attach the recipe but you want it, lmk and I’ll post it for you! I’m an artist (I don’t post for AI reasons but I’m happy to DM you stuff) and I play classical french horn. I also take stimboard requests :]

Problems: Bpd, depression, autism, DID, adhd, anxiety, severe sensory issues, ARFID, chronic pain/severe generalized hyper mobility disorder, etc. Suicidal and will vent on main. I try to tag appropriately. Will also occasionally regress and send bizarre asks if we’re close. Sorry bout that little me is a bit special. Usually there will be another alter trailing behind apologizing lmao.

Frens!!! (Newly alphabetized) I probably won’t update this list so don’t feel bad if you aren’t on it you’re still my friend. Also I feel bad about tagging people 😅 If I wasn’t sure how you felt about me I didn’t tag you but I love all of my moots. @antigerrymanderingspiderman @bassguitarinablackt-shirt @copper-ichor @daggerhobbit @daonedaonlyskh @dumblond-ie @ford-mustang-1969 @gummy-axolotl @hunner806 @inkling0121 @lesbiansiffrin @lizzzzzzzzzzzzzz---lol @melemele-island-official @normal-nyoom @o-kye @peace-love-and-french-toast @raeprise @theautumnaldemon @three-eyed-skullbunny @touch-starved-lurker @weewooooweew @xx-midnight-candy-goblin-x (So sorry for all the tags y’all)

Honorable mention to @catinasink who is not my friend.

Daily clicks (The link is for Palestine but you should do the other causes too!)

Queer stuff: Genderfluid, queer, berrisexual/romantic, patheccentrean, arospec, bellusromantic, aegosexual, queer platonic, polyamorous (currently single), gnc, transmasc,

Tags:

#hugs talks - us talking/original posts

#asks - i answer asks

#ask game - ask games so you can send me asks (you can send me asks not on ask games ofc, anytime)

#hugs goes mom mode - me giving advice on how to not die and how to do shit.

#life updates - important stuff about my life. the important tag.

#the system x - talking about system stuff or other alters

#Am small boi OR am in little spece - Little me making a fool of themselves while I'm regressed. Please be patient lol. Inconsistent because small boi is really fucking bad at tumblr. If you get really bizarre asks it's probably because I'm regressed lol.

#moots - my moots <3 i am inconsistent with this one

#hugs cooking chronicles - cooking and recipes!!!

#tw neth is mentally ill - general tw for things that are potentially disturbing but not a specific thing. other than mental health lol.

#tw mental health - same thing

#tw suicidal - the tag i use for anything related to suicide. block it if you want.

Other triggers will be tagged #tw [trigger]. Depending on the trigger/spoons level i might tag in additional ways.

Userboxes!!!

[poledancingdinos]

Hostile Territory - Chapter 17

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Leah Coleman)

Word count: 4K

Warnings: Mentioned character death

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @amberangel112 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha​ @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka @luclittlepond @elizabetharegina @enchantedbytomandhenry @narnianaos   @geralts-yenn @peaches1958 @avengersfan25 @sillyrabbit81 @summersong69 @identity2212 @liecastillo @lena-banena @mrsevans90 @confessionbrain-writings @eclecticfashionbookszipper @happydistraction @hannah9921 @valacircareads @toooldforobsessions

Masterlist

A/N: Let's pretend like this isn't a million months late and let's pretend I didn't suddenly forget how to write during my time away.

Day 201

Fifteen days. They were getting fifteen whole days home. They’d just landed in North Carolina and from there, each soldier would head their separate ways. Unfortunately, Leah’s flight to Denver wasn’t until the next day. She would have driven home if the drive wasn’t actually longer than simply waiting sixteen hours for her flight.

She’d planned on spending the night waiting around at the airport but a few men who were in the same situation as her had found a motel for the night and she had to admit that having a place to shower was a big enough appeal to cancel out sleeping in a cramped room with three of the men.

Had their overseas flight not been delayed, Sy would have driven straight down to see his folks. As it was, it was already getting late and he didn’t want to make the five hour trip in the dark. Besides, no one would be awake if he showed up after midnight.

After taking a cab to retrieve his truck where he’d placed it in storage, Sy made his way back to the motel. The men had already made themselves at home and were sharing a few beers on the plastic chairs that surrounded the empty pool.

“How can I help you, dear?” the woman behind the desk greeted him.

“I’d appreciate a room for the night, if ya have one. Just one bed’ll do.”

“Oh… I’m sorry, we’re full up. I assumed you were with all the other boys.”

“Well, ma’am, I am. I just hadn’t planned on stayin’ in town tonight so none of them saved a bed for me.”

The woman looked through the hand written registry again but Sy already knew the answer wouldn’t change from the empty peg board behind her.

“I wish I could help you out but a lovely young woman just checked out the last room. We normally have a four person per room policy but I’ll look the other way if you want to squeeze in with any of your fellow soldiers. The least I can do is make sure the men who serve our country get a roof over their heads when they are back home.”

Sy tipped his head in thanks and walked out of the little office. He pulled the cap down over his head though it didn’t do much to protect him from the light of the setting sun.

It looked like he was going to have to ask one of the boys for a favor. The question was, who did he want to bunk with for the night? On the flight over he’d heard them talking about hitting the bars tonight. Sleeping on the floor might land him in a splash zone if he didn’t choose wisely. He didn’t trust any of them to drink in moderation. Not after that last op.

Garrett had flatlined on the chopper while being transported. They somehow got him back but when they finally got him into surgery, it was already too late. Of the other two that were evac’d, one was expected to make a full recovery and the other would most likely walk with a limp for the rest of his life.

Then there was LT. He had a half dozen broken ribs, a concussion and a collapsed lung but he was also expected to make a full recovery. His injuries were mild all things considered and Sy had almost left him there to die.

“I thought you’d be halfway home by now,” a sweet voice spoke from behind him.

Sy was shocked when he turned to find Leah, who had apparently showered and changed into a pair of leggings and an oversized shirt she’d tied into a knot at her hip. Her hair was still damp but she’d left it loose around her shoulders to air dry. It was his first time seeing her out of uniform and her casual outfit might as well have been expensive lingerie if his dick’s reaction was any indication.

“Didn’t want to drive in the dark. Starting to regret it though. They’re full up so I either bum a spot on someone’s floor for the night or I call around until I find a place with a vacancy.”

Leah made a face like she understood how unappealing both of those options were.

“Well… I’ve got a king bed all to myself.”

Sy swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Was that an invitation or was she just stating a fact? Not that Leah was the kind of person to add salt to a wound but surely she wasn’t implying what he annoyingly hoped she was implying.

Leah pulled on an old USMC crew neck, causing her shirt to lift up and expose the skin of her stomach. The sweatshirt was well worn and the tip of the sleeves were frayed where she rolled them up. The state of the fabric made Sy believe that the shirt had most likely belonged to her father and he decided to forgive the insult of wearing something meant for a jarhead.

“I was going to pick up some snacks and juice from around the corner since I hadn’t planned on going out. I think there was a liquor store too.” Leah reached into the pocket on the side of her leggings and handed a small key ring to Sy. “How does pizza, beer and half a king bed sound?”

It sounded like perfect bliss and asking for trouble all wrapped into one.

Sy took the key, seeing a small number twenty etched into the plastic. He looked back at the motel, studying the numbers on the doors.

“It’s the room above the office. The stairs that lead to the door are on the side since it’s a separate structure from the rest of the rooms.”

That was good. If Sy was lucky, no one would notice that he was sharing Leah’s room.

And no one would hear her scream his name if he fucked her into the mattress.

Shit. Not a good train of thought if he wanted to make it through the night in the same bed as Leah. 

“I’ll order while you’re gone. Unless you want me to drive?”

She shook her head, her dark brown locks moving in the breeze.

“I need to stretch my legs after that flight. I’ll be back in forty-five, maybe an hour tops.”

With that, Leah was off. Sy hurried to his truck for his duffle then up the steps to the room. The first thing he needed was to clean the twenty-some-odd layers of dust and dirt off his body. After placing a quick order with a local pizzeria he found in the phonebook, he stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower.

The bathroom was still humid from when Leah had been in there earlier so he didn’t shut the door all the way. The fan was on but Sy was pretty sure it’s only function was to make noise.

Thirty minutes and half a tiny bar of soap later, Sy deemed himself as clean as he was going to get and switched off the now tepid water.

He was in the process of drying himself off when the hotel room door opened and shut with a slam. He hadn’t left it unlocked, he hadn’t left any door unlocked since he left his parents’ house at eighteen which meant Leah was back and she’d let herself in with a second key.

Scrambling to cover himself up, Sy realized he hadn’t taken his clean clothes out of his pack. He wrapped the towel around his waist but it was too short to stay put on its own, forcing him to hold the ends together. There was no way he could walk out like that. 

“Coleman?”

“Yeah, it’s just me.”

“Would ya mind bringin’ me my bag?”

At the same moment a knock sounded from the door.

“Fuck. That’ll be the food.”

Leah came into view through the crack in the door, setting Sy’s bag by the ground.

“It’s fine, I’ll get it.”

“No, you paid for drinks, I’ll get the food, just let me find my wallet.”

Another, more insistent, knock came from the door and Leah ran over to open it, exchanging a short greeting with the delivery man.

Sy crouched by his bag, pulling the door open another few inches as he rustled through the pockets. He was getting nowhere with one hand, eventually pinching the thin cotton of the towel in the crease of his hip to free up his left hand.

“Fuckin’ finally,” he grumbled when his hand wrapped around the worn leather of his bill fold. He pulled out three bills, holding them up for Leah to take.

Leah made a choked sound when she caught a glimpse of Sy’s body only shielded by a barely there towel. She snatched the money from his hands with a mumbled thanks before averting her eyes and running back to the door.

Sy dressed in thirty seconds flat, exiting the bathroom right as Leah opened a bottle of rum and poured a generous amount in one of those individually packaged plastic cups that were as small as the soap. She lifted the drink to her lips, downing the whole thing in one go before filling it again.

“What are we drinkin’?” he asked as he came to stand a little too close to Leah.

“Beer or rum.” She cleared her throat, putting some distance between them as she opened the pizza boxes. “What are we eating?”

“Meat or meat.”

He really hoped she didn’t have anything against pepperoni, sausage or bacon because he had gotten one deluxe and one four meat pizza. When ordering, he hadn’t considered that she might follow a specific diet when was home.

His worries were abated when Leah opened both boxes on the dresser, dexterously swapping half of the deluxe pizza for half of the all meat one before closing the box again and taking the other over to the bed. The room didn’t have a table or chairs so it was as good a spot as any to sit and eat.

Sy took over making Leah’s rum and coke, which she’d abandoned when Sy’s closeness had made her brain malfunction, then opened a bottle of beer for himself.

“So, where are you headed from here?” Sy asked, handing Leah her drink then taking a massive bite of the deluxe pizza. It looked like he barely chewed it before he went in for a second and third bite.

“I’m going to stay at our old house. My brother decided to move into an apartment after receiving his residency match to be closer to work so it’ll just be me, myself and I for the better part of the next two weeks.”

She tried to hide it, but Sy could tell she was disappointed. Who could blame her? Caleb was the only family she had left and she would get forty-eight hours with him after so long apart.

“What about you? You mentioned your siblings and your parents… is there an ol’ lady somewhere in that mix?”

Sy’s head snapped up, pausing halfway through chewing his bite. She wasn’t looking at him, instead keeping her eyes on the drink as she swirled the contents around her cup.

“What makes ya think I have a wife or even a girlfriend waitin’ back home?” His tone was harsher than he’d intended but he was a little offended by what she was insinuating.

She kept her eyes downcast as she shrugged. Her lips were pursed from the way she nervously chewed the inside of her cheek. Maybe it wasn’t so much an accusation as it was her way of tiptoeing into the subject.

“Hey…” Sy waited until Leah dared to look up before he continued. “I’m no saint,” he admitted, his voice soft, “but I ain’t a cheat. If I had someone waitin’, she’d be it for me.” Not everyone considered kissing cheating but his ever growing feelings would definitely constitute infidelity. Leah’s eyes flickered from left to right, studying his face as she considered his words before finally giving a little nod of acceptance.

There was a tense silence as she picked up another piece of pizza, leaving her crusts in the box. Had Aika been with them, he would have given them to her as a treat. He was surprised how much he found himself to be missing the pup.

He’d found a shelter that helped send strays overseas for them to be adopted. They’d been willing to look after Aika until they returned and he’d arranged for them to give her all the shots she needed to keep her safe and eventually allow her into the States. They’d asked if he wanted them to help get her home right away but he couldn’t imagine going back to a life on base without his four-legged shadow.

Watching from the corner of his eye as she ate, Sy went over the speech he’d been preparing in his head the whole flight home. He knew what he wanted to say but for some reason the words kept getting caught in his throat. They had expertly avoided the subject the last two months on base but it was time for him to suck it up and say what needed to be said.

“I never apologized.” Leah’s head tilted to the side as she looked at him. She was still working on a mouthful of food but the little motion was enough to convey what she was thinking.

“For kissin’ you,” Sy clarified. “It should never have happened. You were hurt and vulnerable then I went and put ya in a position where ya probably felt like ya couldn’t say ‘no’. I let my personal feelings get the best of me and I accept full responsibility for that. I’m really sorry.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, staring down at her drink.

Noticing her glass was empty, she moved off the bed to the improvised bar. She appreciated Sy’s apology. The circumstances under which he had acted were indeed quite poor, but at the same time, she understood what had pushed him to act—it was the same instinct that had pushed her to go after Niki, career be damned. It was terrifying to think that Sy felt so strongly about her, but it was even more terrifying that she desperately wanted him to.

She took her time fixing her drink, using the break in conversation to gather her courage.

On the bed, Sy was beginning to grow anxious. With her back turned, he couldn’t tell what was going through Leah’s head as the silence stretched on. He foolishly hoped she was gathering the courage to ask for a repeat but for all he knew, she could also be gathering the courage to ask him to leave.

It didn’t go unnoticed that maybe it also hadn’t been the best of plans to apologize when the two of them were stuck in a room with only one bed but it was already well overdue.

He also probably shouldn’t have agreed to share the room in the first place.

What had he been thinking? Even if his head knew to keep his hands to himself, the brain between his legs had a completely different idea of how to spend the next ten hours. He probably wouldn’t sleep a wink out of fear that he would drift off, roll over and grind his dick right into her ass.

He was just about ready to go spend the night in the bed of his truck when she spoke in a soft, unsure voice. He’d never heard her sound so meek.

“When you kissed me, there was a second there where I didn’t really understand what was happening. Everything was a little foggy, like I was in a dream.”

It no doubt felt like a dream because of the concussion. He hadn’t even considered how confused she must have been in addition to being tired, in pain and in a closed room with her superior who was suddenly getting handsy.

“But it wasn’t a dream," Leah finally said. “You were really there. Really holding me. Really kissing me.”

It was his turn to stand, coming to a halt a safe distance behind Leah. There was a small mirror on the wall which now allowed him to study her face in the reflection as she peeked up and did the same.

He’d replayed their kiss in his head so many times since that night. He’d begun to question whether he had only imagined those few blissful moments when Leah had kissed him back before she got spooked.

“A part of me was ecstatic,” feeling hopeful, Sy took a careful step forward and Leah turned to face him, “but another part of me was terrified.”

Shit. “Why?”

“Well, you’re my superior. I don’t need to explain why that’s a horrible idea.”

No, she didn’t. He’d thought about that every day since he’d first met the feisty young woman. But he had the feeling that was not the only factor. Sy took another step, making Leah’s breath hitch from the proximity. “And?”

Leah went back to chewing the inside of her cheek, looking away. Suddenly losing his nerve, Sy moved back, clearing the empty paper plates and pizza box from the bed. He wasn’t sure he could hear her reasons for not wanting him.

“It’s okay, ya don’t have to tell me. I’ll get outta here and let ya get some rest.”

He was disappointed, but what had he expected? That she would confess her undying love for him and that suddenly everything would be all fine and dandy?

Sy moved to his duffle, packing up the clothing items that had fallen onto the floor of the bathroom as he’d dug through it.

The sudden fear of watching Sy walk away was enough to convince Leah to speak.

“Please don’t go.”

Sy froze, surprised by her rushed plea. He slowly straightened, making his way back to Leah where she dropped onto the bed, hugging herself tightly. Sy longed to be the one to comfort her but he didn’t want to risk pushing her too far. Again.

“I really wanted to kiss you but then I started to worry that maybe you were expecting… more.”

That made Sy pause, crouching in front of Leah. “What exactly did ya think I was expectin’?”

“I— I don’t know.” She sniffled, shaking her head before wiping her cheek on the back of her hand. “It seemed like every time I got hurt I got a bedside visit from you and that night… You had this look in your eye like you thought you’d never see me again. You can’t blame me for thinking that there was something more than kissing on your mind.”

Just like that, Sy was back on base, reliving the most terrifying events of his life. Whenever he thought back to that night he’d been so focused on his stupidly impulsive decision to kiss a soldier under his command that he had almost forgotten about the op. Or maybe he’d just had a selective memory that preferred to remember the softness of her lips over the way she’d been so completely still when he found her unconscious.

“When I walked in and saw ya on that floor, I was convinced that I’d lost ya. I kept thinkin’ of all the things that I wished I’d said then, when ya woke up, I still couldn’t speak a single fuckin’ word so I— I didn’t think, I just acted.”

“Can you... tell me now?”

Sy swallowed the lump in his throat feeling his palms start to sweat. All the stress was coming right back but this time, he was determined to make it through. He took Leah’s hands in his.

“You’ve been on my mind since the first moment I saw ya. I liked that you didn’t take any shit from anyone. And since then… Fuck, I’ve just been falling hard. You make me feel understood in ways I've never experienced before. You make me feel like— Like I’m good enough.”

Leah looked down at their joined hands. “What if I can’t be enough? What if I can’t give you what you need?”

At first Sy thought she meant a relationship but when she unconsciously glanced down to the bed, Sy began to put the pieces together.

“Leah,” it was still foreign to use her first name, “does sex make ya uncomfortable?”

“Sometimes.” She tried to pull away but Sy didn’t let go. He caught her eye, giving her a look that clearly meant to cut the bullshit. “Okay, a lot of the time. Even if guys are willing to wait, they tend to expect sex at some point down the line and I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever be into it.”

“And ya think that’s a deal breaker for me?” He had to admit that, although he was used to going long periods of time on his own, he’d assumed sex would be on the table when he was home.

“Well, you are Captain ‘Pussy-is-on-the-food-pyramid’ Syverson.”

Sy winced, running a hand over his cropped hair. He hadn’t meant the question as an accusation but her defensiveness was understandable. 

“Yeah, okay, I can see where you’re coming from but it ain’t like that. There’s no fun in it if my girl don’t like it.”

Noticing she was still skeptical, Sy lifted the hem of his shirt. When Leah didn’t make a move to stop him, he guided her hand to his chest, holding it flat over his scar. “I learned the hard way that thinkin’ with my dick gets me nowhere good. I’ll give all that up in a heartbeat if it means I get a shot at somethin’ real.”

Leah traced the lines of his scar. She remembered it perfectly though she hadn’t dared ask about it when they’d been in his room on base.

“You think I’m something real?” she whispered.

Releasing her hand, Sy brushed Leah’s hair out of her face and kissed her temple.

“Yeah, I do.”

It was obvious that Leah was still scared of the possible repercussions. After all, she had every reason to be worried about the impact a relationship could have on her career. Leah was still young, she had a lot to learn about what she wanted in life and a lot to lose should anything go wrong. As much as Sy wanted to pull her to him and kiss her until she couldn’t think of anything else, Leah needed time to make a decision.

Looking at her more closely, Sy took in the dark circles under Leah’s eyes and the way her cheeks looked more sunken than ever before. She’d been a wreck after Niki and with good reason. The caveman in him felt better knowing that he’d fed her but she was still in desperate need of a good night’s rest.

He would have to put a pin in the conversation until they got back to base.

“What time’s your flight?”

“Eight.”

“Then you need to get some sleep.” Sy stood, pulling Leah up with him. She didn’t argue, simply grabbing her pack and heading into the bathroom. Meanwhile, Sy cleaned up the leftover pizza, managing to fit the box in the mini-fridge. He shut the curtains and switched off the main light, leaving only the bedside lamp on. After a moment of hesitation, he removed his shirt, keeping his shorts on, and climbed into bed.

Leah joined him a moment later, and to his surprise, she wrapped herself around him from behind. She’d changed into something sleeveless and the feeling of her bare arms over his skin nearly made him groan.

“You’re warm.”

“Na Sugar, your hands are just freezin’.” He intertwined their fingers together, happily sharing his body heat.

Leah smiled to herself at the easy way the endearment fell from his lips. Just for one night, she would let herself enjoy Sy’s company. For one night, she would pretend that he wasn’t her captain. For one night, she would pretend she wasn’t terrified he would eventually get sick of waiting for something that might never happen.

Sy woke the next morning to a shiver running down his spine. He sensed Leah’s absence immediately and he didn’t need to look around the room to know that she was gone.

Chapter 18

[campbyler]

:( you guys are so passive aggressive sometimes :( some of us are new here and i was excited about the parent trap vibes but then you shot down that other user and i was scared to ask about any other references. i've checked your archive and scrolled a fair way to get the jist but theres lotssss of content on your blog so i couldnt check all of it to see what has or hasnt been mentioned and not all is addressed in the faq cos its such a huge world youve built for the this fic. maybe the fic length is overwhelming and audience response prickly sometimes, but if you do an ongoing fic like this you surely have to expect newcomers who don't know everything about what's happened in the past? if folk ask questions that appear rude you dont have to be rude back. i mean, ofc you can, but why would you want to be those people :(

honestly and truly we just match the vibes of the ask for the most part. i am autistic so i already struggle with tone and interpreting tone over text is hard enough without that. we are also both pretty sensitive people so if we perceive that someone is poking fun or being mean we will get defensive. we are human! it happens! i’d say for the most part we try to answer asks kindly, and we consistently get and answer asks where the answer is easily found in our faq or our pinned post without much complaint. but please understand that it is just as big of an undertaking writing this fic and running this blog as it is to go through all the content we’ve posted, and we get dozens of asks that you do not see — asks that are rude and entitled and disrespectful. i value kindness, but if i think that someone i Do Not Know is being mean or disrespectful, i am not going to respond with kindness, and like i said, it is extremely difficult to pick apart tone in text format. i appreciate you bringing it to our attention, and our intention is to never be mean or scare you away from asking a question, but i hope this offered some clarity on our end as well!

[silentglassbreak]

Fragmented

Noah Sebastian x OFC

Onward we go. This one is a little shorter, but it ended where it was supposed to. Bear with me folks. I love you!

Warnings: discussions of the sexuals, alcohol consumption, getting pissed at the main character tbh

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86

Part 2 - Voices In My Head

The absolute worst thing a man can endure is being away from his child and his girl. Hands down. It’s excruciating, being pulled away from my reasons for breathing. It’s worse than dying, which may sound dramatic, but trust me - it’s true.

Yet here I sat, waiting at the table, meet and greet starting in five minutes. We had been on tour for a month now, and I was already over it. Sure, being on stage helped me forget for an hour and a half, but as soon as that high I rode came down, it was just enduring until I could get back to my room and call Mileena, and see her and Addison’s faces.

“You alright, dude?” Nick’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I just looked at him, sat next to me, Sharpie already uncapped.

“Yeah, why?”

“You just seemed spaced.”

I huffed out a long breath. “Just homesick dude. Missing the girls.”

He nodded in understanding. “We’ll be there soon enough. Only three days till we play San Diego. Leena’s coming down, right?”

“Yeah, her Dad’s at the house while I’m gone, so he’s going to babysit.”

“Right, yeah, Laura mentioned he was going to watch her so the girls could come.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “You talked to Laura?”

I saw him avert his gaze, the first wave of fans coming to the table.

“Oh, uh,” We both stood to greet them. “yeah we texted a little.”

He was avoidant, but now already talking to a tall girl wearing one of our t-shirts.

Well, we would be unpacking that later.

I was waist deep in autographs, photos, hugs, words of adoration and appreciation. Maybe this also helped distract me too, making it easy to smile and joke with the people who come by.

I was helping a guy unfold his shirt for me to sign while making small talk with him when I felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Noah?”

I peeked over my shoulder to see Rachel, one of our tour assistants, standing and smiling at me.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“T-minus ten minutes, then you’ve got to get stage ready. Your clothes are in the green room, and your ski masks are on the stairs on stage.” She had an earpiece in that she had to take out to speak to me clearly, undoubtedly getting shouted at on the other end.

“Okay, thanks Rach.”

She gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Anytime, hon.”

-

Tonight’s show was just off. First, Jolly broke a string during Artificial Suicide, making him have to switch to his backup rig, and it never played as well. Then, the fucking security guards damn near let a crowd surfer on stage. My voice kept going fucking flat for no good reason, which was an entirely different issue of its own. And finally, the icing atop the God damn cake, was that three fights broke out, forcing us to skip IDWT$, Never Know, and Limits, as it took security so fucking long to break it up.

By the last note of Dethrone, I was fucking done. Typically any irritation I had all came out during those breakdowns, but tonight I just couldn’t fucking shake it. It was maddening.

I stormed into the bathroom afterwards, and splashed water on my face. Maybe I should’ve called Mileena, let her calm me down with her sweet voice and comforting words, but I was too fucking pissed off. I would end up being a jackass, and she wasn’t even here to torture me for it if I was. I elected to call her back at the hotel.

A loud knock came on the bathroom door, which made me flinch. “Give me a sec.”

Only a half of a moment later, there was knocking again. I growled.

I flung the door open, glaring at Nick on the other side. “What the fuck?”

Nick took a step back. “Sorry dude, I’ve got to piss!”

I shrugged, stepping out to let him in. Before he shut the door, he called my name.

“You’re coming tonight, right?”

I stared at him. “To…?”

He rolled his eyes. “Dude, it’s Josh’s birthday? He wanted to go to a club, remember?”

Josh was the lead singer for Catch Your Breath, the band opener on our tour.

I groaned. “Don’t I get a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card for that? Alcoholic and all?”

Nick just shook his head. “Not this time, man. He’s always helping us with everything, letting us use their equipment and shit.” Nick moved to shut the door. “We’ve got to.”

-

“You’re going to be fine, babe. I trust you.” As I predicted, Leena’s voice was a soothing song in my ear, helping the stress of the day melt away.

“I know. I just wish you were here.”

“Me too, love.” I heard something shuffle on the other end. “Although, I kind of wish you were here.”

I stopped still, my shirt still in my hand, facing the bed where I laid my clothes out.

“Yeah?”

My phone vibrated against my face. I pulled it away, and saw she had sent a text. When I opened it, I nearly dropped my phone.

“Holy fuck!”

The photo was taken from a distance, likely having the phone propped up on the dresser. Leena was on the bed, a distinct Bad Omens shirt on her torso (judging by the listed tour dates and logo), and she was facing away from the camera. She was bent at the waist, looking over her shoulder, naked from the waist down.

Tucked so fucking perfectly between the cheeks of her ass was a jeweled plug.

I almost fell over.

“When did you get that?!” My face lost all color, the blood headed somewhere else.

She giggled. “Laura and I picked it up yesterday. I didn’t know how I’d feel about it, but it’s not so bad.”

I hissed, palming myself over my boxers. “I’m coming home. Right fucking now. If I get a flight I can be there by morning.”

She laughed loudly now. “Baby, you’ve got a show in Jersey tomorrow.”

“Fuck that. You’ve got a fucking toy, inside of you.”

“In all fairness, I took that photo earlier. Took a while to get a good one. I took it out after.”

“Well, I’ll just go ahead and put it back in.” I lowered my voice. “Then I swear to God I’m going to bury my cock so deep inside of you, you’ll never fucking walk again.”

She groaned. “Oh, honey, I’m so fucking excited for that.” She sighed. “But for now, you need to go to this thing for Josh.”

I rolled my eyes. “I straight up don’t want to.”

“Well that’s too bad. That guy totally idolizes you.” I slumped down on the bed. “Plus he thinks you hate him.”

I scoffed. “Why would he think that?”

“Uh, maybe because you never hang out with him?”

“I’m not a God damn babysitter.” I grumbled.

She laughed again. “I love you, grumpy boy. Now be good, go have fun, stay straight, and I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you more, Noah.”

The ride to the club was mundane, especially since I was the designated driver. The streets of upstate New York were busy no matter what time of day. The SUV was filled with laughter from multiple conversations. Jolly drove the other vehicle behind us, opting to stay sober with me tonight.

When we finally valeted the trucks, and entered the club, the volume of the music began rattling my chest. The large room was dark, and the atmosphere was electric. Swarms of bodies danced feverishly with the beat of the music.

Josh got us set up in a lounge area he had reserved, and we all took our seats, a waitress coming over quickly to take drink orders. I just shook my head when she came to me, opting for nothing. It draws less attention than when you order a non-alcoholic beverage, I’ve learned.

Jolly, however, did order a club soda with lime, prompting smirks from the other ten people sat with us.

After a few moments of adjusting, I ended up sat next to Josh, who was chatting away about the band’s album they were working on, asking my opinion on album art.

“I’m having a hard time finding something I like. I want a photograph, I’m really into the realism rather than paintings or abstract stuff.”

I nodded, hollering over the music. “I can get you in touch with the guy who did the photography for our last album. He’s fantastic.”

His eyes lit up, and the AMF he was drinking was slowly seeping through his smile.

“Yeah? That would be awesome, dude!”

He took another long pull of his drink, leaving only ice, and set down the glass. He leaned back on the couch and scanned the room before addressing me again.

“I appreciate you guys coming out, dude.” I nodded. “I know it’s not your scene anymore.”

I chuckled, rubbing a hand over my knee. “Yeah, it’s not. But you’re a friend man, I don’t mind.”

Josh wiped the moisture from his lips, looking straight at me.

“Hey, if you don’t mind me asking?” I leaned in closer to hear him. “How long you been sober now, man?”

I contemplated this, wondering if it was worth telling him. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that it couldn’t hurt.

“Just over two years.”

He raised his eyebrows, seemingly impressed.

“That’s fucking awesome, man. Good for you!”

I smiled, nodding in appreciation. “Thanks.”

The next forty minutes were spent small talking with everyone at the table before most abandoned to go get more drinks and find people on the dance floor. I had told Jolly to join them, trusting he would keep his word.

After about fifteen minutes of scrolling through Reddit threads, I felt the couch next to me dip.

“Hey, Sober Sally!” The nickname made me wince before I could look up to see who had the nerve.

My eyes met stark green irises, slightly red-rimmed from alcohol, and freckles scattered around them. I smirked, my irritation fading when I realized who was now sat next to me.

"Hey Rach." She beamed brightly at me and smiled, her strawberry blonde hair brushing over her shoulder while she set her drink down.

"How ya doing, honey?"

I nodded, scanning the room and the environment. "Bored, mostly." I admitted.

She leaned back on the couch, arm draped over the back. "I get that. Why aren't you dancing?"

I snorted. "I quit dancing in bars right around the time I quit drinking."

She chuckled, and I joined her. She lifted her glass to take a swig.

"Noah, 'm so fucking sorry about all the..." She was waving her hand around in front of her face, clearly searching her brain for the words she was looking for. "...technical difficulties tonight." She snapped when she found it.

I waved a hand at her. "Shit happens dude."

She shook her head violently. "Nope, nope. Not when I'm helping, it shouldn't. I work my ass off to make sure it goes according to plan."

Her words were starting to blend together from the drinks. I raised an eyebrow.

"How many have you had?" I ask, smirking, pointing at the glass in her hand that she was tipping back once again.

She smiled sheepishly behind it. "Two."

I nodded again, eyeing her. "And how many shots?"

She broke out in a full blown cackle at that. "Like, five?"

Shaking my head, I laughed at her. She was gone already, and was going to be just so much fun to be in the bus with tomorrow. Thankfully, it was a short ride from Manhattan to Atlantic City.

"I think maybe it's time to slow down?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Hey! I will stop when I am ready!" She said playfully, her body swaying involuntarily, sloshing the liquid in her drink over the edge of the glass, right between her and I on the couch.

We both jumped, and she squealed as the ice cold liquor hit her bare leg below the end of her dress. This drew my attention to what she was wearing. Short, deep red cocktail dress. Scoop neck, cleavage on full display. It was an interesting color on her. It made her eyes pop.

I tore my gaze away from her as I felt her hand wiping the side of my leg, trying to dry the drink spilled on my pants with...her skin, I guess?

I scooched further away on the couch and laughed, her face nearly as red as her dress.

"Still think it's not worth slowing down?"

She giggled, bashful. It was a merry little sound. "Maybe you're right."

She set the glass down, having to bend her body forward, making her chest push out and her breasts nearly spill over the top of her dress. I cleared my throat, looking purposefully away.

She sat back and surveyed her outfit, realizing the entire bottom right quadrant of the fabric was wet with alcohol. She scrunched up her nose and frowned at me.

"Well, this is ruined."

I gave her a sympathetic look, and she leaned back on the couch, pulling her phone from her bag.

"I think I'm just going to call an Uber and head back to the hotel. I've done enough damage for one night."

I knew what the right and proper thing to do was; allow her to do just that. Let her leave, tell her I'd see her in the morning. But she was frazzled, and sad. She's a young woman, riding home alone, in New York?

"I'll run you up there."

She shook her head, standing off the couch. "Oh no, no way. I am not going to be your excuse to bail on Josh."

I threw my hands up. "Why does everyone think I hate him?"

She just laughed in response. I stood up in front of her, then, catching her attention. Her laughing stopped abruptly, her shorter frame looking up at me.

"I'm going to drive you. I'll just drop you off at the hotel and head right back."

-

The ride back to the hotel was quicker, but not by much. We sat in traffic under the dull, murky lights of the streets, and I was rhythmically tapping my finger on the steering wheel.

I could hear her singing under her breath to the song playing through the vehicle's Bluetooth being fed by my phone. I slowly turned the volume higher, her voice coming louder as the music did.

"Crawling my way from a prison cell, no one can save me but myself." She clutched her chest dramatically.

I smirked at her. She looked right at me, singing directly to me mischievously.

"I know there's something more that I'm missing." She put her hand up over her mouth like a microphone, giving her voice a background effect. "Hoping to find place somewhere."

I rocked my head, belting out the chorus. "Staring right into the sun. Looking for the ending before it's begun." She joined me, flashing all her teeth at me. "I just need a reason to bleed. It feels like my heart's going numb."

We continued singing, finishing out the song in sync, but way off key.

The final notes rang off as we pulled up to the front of the hotel, and she laughed at me. "I didn't know you liked Sleep Theory?"

I turned the radio back down. "I like a lot of things."

Her eyelids lowered then, her energy changing entirely. I watched as she slipped her bottom lip between her teeth, and I thought I felt something begin burning in my abdomen, but I ignored it.

"Well," Her eyes glanced up and down me, which made me feel claustrophobic, but also really, very warm. "we should take some time, one of these days, so I can figure some of those things out."

I swallowed, hard. Luckily, before I was forced to respond, she was out of the car, and sauntering up to the entrance of the hotel. I peeled off before I could let my mind wander any further.

What the actual fuck? I've known Rachel for over a year, and never, not once, has she ever come on to me. She's met Mileena, and Addison. She knows I'm a happily committed man, so what just fucking happened? The alcohol. It had to have been.

Back at the club, I luckily didn't have to stay too long before everyone was ready to leave, Teddy, Josh's guitar player, already having ralphed in the restrooms. I was still so bewildered by the entire evening, so I didn't say much as Nick and I halfway carried Teddy to Jolly's car (he's not puking in mine), and reminding Josh that we have to go, and we can always go out again another time.

Josh spent most of the ride home telling me about a girl he danced with at the club, trying to convince me that he would be marrying her. He was done, that's for sure.

It took about thirty minutes for Nick, Jolly, and I to get everyone in their respective rooms. Folio elected to walk to his room on his own, something having irritated him at the club. I had my hands so full with the rest of the guys, I made a mental note to revisit that tomorrow.

Finally, I walked Nick and Jolly to our suite, heading inside to my room.

"Noah?" I turned to see Nick, a look of concern on his face. "You good?"

I furrowed my brow. "Yeah, dude. Why?"

"You were just real quiet tonight."

I pursed my lips, deciding that not telling Nick about the event with Rachel was likely for the best.

"Nah I'm good. Just, you know, club, alcohol..." I gestured with my hand and he nodded.

"I get it, man. Thank you for doing that."

I gave a small bow, waving him goodnight before heading into my room.

Once comfortably changed into my pajama pants, a tank top, and fresh socks, I flopped back on the bed. My fingers instinctively went to dial Mileena, but I noticed the time. 2AM. It was already 11PM at home, and Addison was surely asleep. Mileena had to take her to an appointment early. I elected to text her instead, so as to not wake her if she was asleep.

Me: I'm back at the hotel, baby. Sober as a saint. You up?

I waited, staring at my message, begging for the indication she had read the message, but it didn't come. Before I realized, I had been waiting fifteen minutes. Leena returned texts faster than anyone else I knew, leading me to the conclusion that she was knocked out already.

Me: Get some good rest, babe. I'll text you when we're leaving in the morning. I love you.

I locked my phone, dropping it on the bed, and sighed hard. I would need to find something to distract myself.

Slowly, I let my hand wander down onto my stomach, lifting my phone back up, and scrolling up through our text threads to the photo she sent me earlier.

Mother of God she looked amazing. I was still reeling over her use of the toy, having never been allowed to venture into that territory before. My hand reached the waistband of my pants, palming my growing erection through the fabric. I could feel myself getting excited enough to slip my hand in when my phone buzzed.

It was not, however, what I was looking for.

Rachel: Hey

Kill me. Actually fucking kill me.

I dropped my hand on the bed and groaned, opening the text thread. She was typing.

Rachel: Did I leave my vape in the SUV?

I raised an eyebrow. Was she serious?

Me: I didn't see one, but I wasn't looking for it.

Rachel: OK, can I grab the keys from you? I want to get it before the rentals are returned.

I sighed hard, sitting up.

Me: I'll just go look.

Opening the passenger door, I scanned around the vehicle, the hot pink vape becoming visible from under the seat. I swiped it, and began walking back in from the parking lot.

Me: Got it. What's your room number?

Rachel: 323

I whistled in the elevator, turning the vape over in my hand numerously. Once on the third floor, I padded to her room, doing my best to be quiet.

I knocked on the door once, the electric locking mechanism loud when the door swung open.

What I saw had my eyes bulging, my body freezing in place. Rachel stood inside the doorway, cropped t-shirt barely covering her small breasts, boy short underwear all that covered her lower half. Her hair was hung in strings from a shower, her eyes now free of makeup and false lashes.

"Hey! Oh thank God!" She reached to me and snagged the vape out of my hand, my body still frozen in the same spot.

She brought the vape to her lips, taking a long, painfully long, pull off of the device, the end brightening blue. As she inhaled, her eyes rolled back, and her lips pinched together before she exhaled a large cloud of smoke.

I was stone, unmoving and awestruck. I felt a very distinct shift in my pajama pants, my cock stirring at the sight.

"You okay?" Her words brought me back down to Earth for a moment.

"Huh?" I shook my head, tearing my eyes away from her. "Yeah, yeah."

I let out a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of my neck.

"Well, see you in the morning." But before I could walk away, her hand was tugging my arm, making me stop yet again.

"Wait." I dared to look at her, which I instantly regretted. She licked her bottom lip. "Do you want to," She tossed her thumb over her shoulder. "come in?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, my brain stuttering and glitching in so many different directions. I put a hand up between us, if anything than to just have a physical barrier between her and I.

"No, no I've got to get some sleep. We load up at 9AM."

She nodded, retreating back into the room slightly, a small pout on her face.

"Yeah, okay." She gave me a smile, now a little deflated. "Goodnight, Noah."

I waved, not looking directly at her. "Night, Rach."

I tried not to make such a dramatic beeline to the elevator, but I was nearly at a full sprint by the time I began jamming the button. I stepped into the metal box, sighing with relief and leaning back when the doors closed.

Only two floors up, I was back in my own room, falling back down onto the bed. I took several moments to let my breathing return to normal before I went back to what I had originally planned - masturbating to a picture of my girlfriend, like a good fucking boy.

I tried, I swear I did, but after a minute of running my hand up and down my shaft, my phone fell out of the other, and my fingers gripped the sheets. I would never admit, for fear that I may be sick, that in my mind's eye, I was picturing green eyes, fair skin with freckles, and devilishly long, strawberry blonde hair.

[awkwardgtace]

Been sitting on this for a while so imma ask this. I appreciate all you folks who follow me and don't wanna suddenly change the stuff I'm posting. Soo

Gonna go with majority and still do clear tags and warnings ofc. But wanna have an idea of where I'd post it if i ever go full into one of these ideas

[statementlou]

Thinking again about how the other day that anon wrote me wondering why Louis was so popular with older adult women and I had a couple ideas but was basically like idk IS he or is it just the same amount as any other pop star but then the other day BBC posted that video of 1D members doing 1D songs* solo without Louis in it and the post was like go comment on all these platforms and I was like what the heck it's not like I use my facebook for much else- but that meant I ended up looking a few times at the other comments (being mad about Louis' exclusion) and like I KNOW it's FB so ofc it's skewed by who uses that... but like damn, there ARE a lot of middle aged and older ladies for Louis! Like A LOT!! So again I am thinking about it and I would love to know what other people think might be the reason... my ideas plus footnote under cut-

~He’s so fucking SMART and the older you get the more appealing and necessary that is to appreciate someone. ~His music has always been in large part 90s style stuff which may draw in folks who already loved that kind of music because they’re old enough to remember it. ~We’re queer and were drawn into this fandom by crying our eyes out over how beautiful baby Harry and Louis were together and wanted to give them the world and protect them (is this age dependent? see below for why maybe I guess but idk) But my top theory is that ~it's based on the combination of him being this beautiful goodhearted boy all the shitty things we saw happening to him for so long and wanting so much to be able to DO SOMETHING, to make things better for him and give him everything. Not saying this is age based but maybe this works more strongly on older folks than on people who feel like they are in the same boat? Anyway would love to hear if other people think 1) there are more older louies than other celeb fandoms/ the other members of 1Ds solo fandoms and 2) if so what do you think it is about Louis? or 3) no, all these things apply to me but I'm only (whatever young age) so that can't be it

*I have since figured out why they did that and it isn't because Louis is blacklisted or whatever it's because they just pulled their footage that they own of 3 of them playing BBC Big Weekend which Louis hasn't done, and footage of Zayn from his public insta, which isn't something they could do for Louis- to include him they would have had to like get footage from his management or something they can't just use whatever off youtube and it was just a silly SM post they weren't gonna do all that

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Hi, I think this maybe constitutes a Wales Question! So, I'm English originally, currently in my third year at Aber university, and its reputation for "that place you go to study and then never ever leave" is looking like it's holding true. I've been living with two very good friends of mine who are extremely Welsh for nearly 2 years now, and in that time I've been slowly picking up bits of Welsh culture and language (it started with me not wanting to mess up trying to pronounce the biology building name and looking like an idiot, but I got very interested from there, and plan on taking a class after I graduate).

I'm serious about wanting to live here, I've fallen in love with the town and the country ever since my knowledge of it evolved from "dragons and sheep and funny long names on road signs" that I thought as a kid, and I've genuinely enjoyed being brought into the fold and joining in stuff with my friends, But. my friends are very adamant that this means I can Be Welsh, and I'm not sure how to take it. On one hand, of course I would like to be, but I'm not sure how much I can claim that confidently- I didn't grow up here, have barely lived here for that long, and there's still a lot I don't get so I'm worried about making it weird. On the other, I think adamantly declaring myself English instead and turning them down is very very easy to take the wrong way!

As the most vocally Welsh person I am aware of on tumblr, I am humbly requesting your take on this... would it be considered unreasonable for foreigners to claim Welshness, with enough effort put in to learning ofc? It would be very nice and appreciated to get a second opinion :)

Diolch yn fawr iawn!

Okay so obviously I am slapping on a HUGE caveat here that I am No One, I am just another stranger at the shouting match who sometimes has some thoughts about things I see and the ability to amusingly compare things to other things. What follows are the lukewarm takes of Just Some Person, and not to be taken as gospel in any way.

But also lol you did ask and I love giving opinions, I do, so let's gooooo

So first up, I do think you're slipping into the fallacy here of playing the Boxes Game with something that doesn't fit neatly into boxes, as indeed nothing about humans and people and humans being people actually does. The thing about national/cultural identity is that they aren't precise, immutable data points. 'Culture' is already quite a loose and ethereal beast - you're basically drawing a circle around a bunch of things and going "Everything in here is X Culture!", and you'll be largely right doing that; but, the edge of the circle isn't, in reality, a hard border. It's a gradient. The circle will overlap with other circles, too. And sometimes even the things in the centre of the circle turn out to be absent half the time, and it's all a bit messy. Really, it's a bell curve, and you're just looking to see what turns up most frequently, with the understanding that you only get the big picture from all the data points together.

Nationality is even fuzzier, tbh. It's a highly personal thing. I'm very Welsh - my Welshness, though, looks different even from other Welsh people in Swansea, and certainly from a Welsh person living in Caernarfon. There are definitely unifying elements; but ultimately, it's something you kind of carve out for yourself, both consciously and unconsciously.

And I bring that up because part of your question is, "At what point do I cross the line into the circle? How long do I have to wait and how much do I have to do before Welshness happens? When do I get to claim the label?"

And there's no answer to that. Not for anyone. This is an identity issue, not a hard scientific concept. Kind of reminds me of a lot of questioning folks in the queer community, in fact. Humans like boxes and labels because they're comforting, but ultimately, we fit in them about as well as angry cats.

With that said, though, it's certainly true that there is a profound and observable difference between a naturalised citizen and a long-term tourist, which I think is the root of your fears here. A Brit who likes holidaying to Spain and decides to go and live there but doesn't learn Spanish, doesn't integrate with the local community, doesn't respectfully partake of any local customs (especially if they condescendingly view the local customs as quirky or quaint, or worse, look down on them), who learns nothing of the history of the area or wider country... that Brit could live there for 40 years, could even go the whole hog and get Spanish citizenship. But they are nothing more than a long-term tourist. Part of claiming culture and nationality is that it's not a spectator sport.

But by contrast, if that Brit were to learn Spanish and use it in everyday life (even if they sometimes fell back on English, or used a funky mix like Spanglish sometimes); if they learned all the history, INCLUDING and MOST ESPECIALLY all the pressure points that mean a Brit in particular cannot do X thing or make X joke; if they integrate with the local community, helping neighbours and coming to community events; if they respectfully take part in local customs, and only add elements of their own culture after learning about the customs properly so they know which bits are important and which can be amended...

Well, that's a totally different matter, isn't it?

It sounds like you're in the latter camp. It's particularly encouraging that your Welsh friends are already adopting you, in the broody chicken fashion of Welsh Mams Everywhere, because it suggests that while you may be English, you aren't English TM (you know the type). So, that's a good start, and it certainly puts you on the path to Naturalised Citizen.

So at that point, I suppose it becomes a matter of personal comfort. You're certainly right that it's still, relatively speaking, quite a new facet of your identity that you've only just started exploring and developing. Learning Welsh, when you get round to it (check with the university by the way, Aber is very keen on helping students learn and can get you cheaper/free courses), will push you several miles down that road, because that's a big effort expenditure AND it will put you in touch with the second of Wales' two dominant cultures.

But ultimately, the label you use has to be down to what you feel fits best, and what you're comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with 'Welsh' yet, then that's completely fine - it's not for you at the minute. Put it on a back burner. Maybe use 'British' for now? In place of 'English', which is more specific. Maybe you can say you're "from England originally", or that you were born there but live here now; both of those are accurate, but also give the statement of intent. They make it clear that, as an adult, Wales is 'home'. This is where you're choosing.

In any case... croeso i'r clwb! And a thousand thanks for learning the language, and even just for the effort you've put in so far. Even just learning the pronunciation puts you miles above most English people, in spite of it being such a basic thing to do. It's more appreciated than you can know.

Also sorry this got long lol

[lonelyvampyr]

I hate race washing

Its pointless and serves no value

We do not need to see characters with our skin color to relate to them. I like fluttershy and relate to her but I'm not a pink haired pony.

It is not "representation" and I hate how normalized it is or how if you say anything negative about you're immediately called racist.

representation is important! But not when it's recycled and only made for rage baiting or forced representation

I always hear "Well black people don't get representation" and honestly, its not an excuse to mindless just change the race of a character, especially already established ones.

Ofc theres exceptions like Miled morales, but with him he isnt just an established character turned black but has his own backstory, family, and earth. He isnt just "Peter parker turned black" But his own separate character (and not really a racewashed character but it's an example)

Truly many other black folk think the same as me, but are too afraid to say anything due to backlash but I want to make it known it is not as well accepted or appreciated as people think it is...

I know I will get attacked for my "controversial"opinion but hopefully some people would understand.

Ask yourself, Is black people just representation to you?  Is that all we are?

[drawbauchery]

Member of kin communities coming in bc of all the kin talk!

Fictives are system alters (DID, OSDD) that are based on fictional characters. While they hang out in kin spaces they are a VERY different thing!!

Kinning can range from casual relating to a character to believing you were that character in a past life (though the other range takes a bit longer to explain. Tldr multiverse theory). The "I am the only X and am them incarnate no doubles." type stuff and drama associated has essentially died off bc people learned to be normal and recognize that billions of people exist in the world. Its still around ofc but significantly quieter and easy to avoid.

Beliving one is genuinely a character right here right now is often Delusional Attachments, typically a form of psychosis. Or it could also be just a deep strong attachment as a escapist coping mechanism as most teens need at that age. Depends on the person.

-

Blah blah blah Kinnies are pretty normal now. Id assume izuru kins just wanna see your rendition of him bc you draw everyone so well. I kin him as well and Id love to see you draw him a time or two but Im not one to rly ask for that kinda stuff especially when others keep pestering.

Hope this is okay, saw a severe lack of actual kin folk weighing in on the conversation so thought my input could help. Keep up the good art and au <3

nnrghh i'll draw him eventually, i appreciate you not wanting to be a bother about it (you're not, but it's still sweet you thought of that). it might not be anything special though 8'D anyway i'm glad people have calmed down about the topic, it's cool to read about the shift from someone who was there. you know the shit i'm talking about ngndsnjkfd i still get weary and distance myself from all of it because tumblr drama simply embeds itself into your brain like a parasite and you never forget it

[whatsnewalycat]

Passenger (Preview)

Pairing: Trucker!Din Djarin AU x OFC Charlie Wanderlust

Summary: In her time tramping across the United States, Charlie Wanderlust has found life on the road to be challenging, but rewarding. When she makes enemies with a powerful figure, a bounty is put out for her capture. Din Djarin, a long-haul trucker and occasional bounty hunter, takes the job as a means to gain financial stability. Their paths cross, and as a result, the winding route of their lives are forever altered.

Tags: Modern day The Mandalorian AU, enemies to lovers, slow burn, road trip yeeeeeeehaw, dog grogu sorry, long-haul trucking, hitchhiking/tramping, 2nd person POV, will one million percent be shoehorning my anti-fascist/anti-policing agenda up in this bitch (and if you have a problem with that I do not care), title from “Passenger” by Deftones (which is one of my favorite songs and a big inspo for this series)

Notes: Hi, friends. This is something I’ve been working on for a long time and I think I am just about ready to put the full first chapter out, but here’s two scenes as a preview for now. Please let me know what you think, I appreciate feedback!

—

At 7 AM, just as you’re rolling your sleeping bag up, a knock sounds at the door, then the doorknob jiggles.

You jump to your feet and approach the noise, hollering, “Yeah?”

“It’s Jim.”

You unlock the door and swing it open to find the lumberjack bartender standing there with a steaming styrofoam cup in each hand. He’s wearing a new flavor of flannel long sleeve, this one checkered black and red, tucked into his dark blue jeans. His reddish brown hair is damp and slicked back, pale skin tinged pink by the cool air. Or rosacea. Or both.

“Good morning,” you greet and step back to let him cross the threshold, closing the door behind him. The thuds of his heavy leather boots echo across the barebones efficiency apartment.

“I got you a coffee,” he says and sets one of the cups on the kitchen counter.

“Thank you so much, Jim,” you smile and meet his eyes. In the bright light of morning, they gleam a rich golden brown that feels warm and inviting. You drop your gaze and tuck a long strand of blonde hair behind your ear, then clear your throat before returning to your sleeping bag.

As you roll it up, he tells you, “Figured I’d stop by and make sure everything went ok last night. You takin’ off this morning, then?”

“That’s what it looks like,” you tie your sleeping bag tight with practiced efficiency, shove it into your pack, then zip it closed while muttering, “On the road again.”

“Need anything else before ya go?”

This man’s kindness and generosity is almost overwhelming. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he’s smitten with you. A concept that curdles your heartstrings.

“Um… well,” you sigh and raise your eyes to meet his, “If you’re offering, I could use a ride to the truck stop off I-89.”

“Sure thing,” he grins, the apples of his cheeks pushing his eyes into crescents, “Ready to go now, or you wanna get some breakfast first?”

“I’m ready,” you stand with a grunt and pull on your coat. He watches you do this, and when you glance up at him, he looks away and strokes his bushy beard, then takes a sip of coffee.

Jim insists on carrying your bag out to his black pickup truck. You follow behind him, coffee in one hand, neck of your guitar in the other. The ride to Jolley Truck Stop is accompanied by a Sunday morning country music segment dedicated to Christian songs of the genre. The trees are all ripe with autumn colors, their leaves a gorgeous array of reds and oranges.

“It’s so beautiful this time of year,” you comment as you watch the scenery go by, “Look at that foliage.”

Jim chuckles, “We have a name for the types of folks comin’ around here to look at the trees in fall.”

“What’s that?”

“Leaf lickers.”

You swing your head over to look at Jim, who’s sporting an amused grin, then start laughing, “Leaf? Lickers?”

He snorts and nods, “Yes ma’am.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you shake your head and look out the window again, “Have any exciting plans for the rest of the day?”

“Church, then a Patriots game,” he answers, “Where do you think the day’ll take you, Miss Charlie?”

“Hopefully to Canada,” you murmur, “But we’ll see. Rule number six of living on the road: Embrace change.”

“Good rule to live by,” Jim responds, flicking on his blinker to turn into the truck stop, “I’ll have to try that out for myself.”

“You should, Jim,” you cast a warm smile his way, “Really, I mean it. There’s more to life than Milton. I think you’d like it out there.”

When his truck comes to a stop, he shifts into park, keeping an eye on you as you open the passenger’s side door and hop out.

You grab your rucksack and guitar, then tell him, “Thank you so much for your hospitality. I wish you the best of luck on all your future journeys, Jim.”

“It was nice meeting you, Charlie,” he nods and gives you a wistful smile.

With this, you slam the door shut and approach the sidewalk next to the truck stop, then take a moment to organize your belongings. After verifying you have all the things you need in the most accessible locations, you secure your rucksack and guitar on your back. Jim’s truck rumbles in idle for a while, but you don’t turn around until you hear him pull away.

RULE #9: Do not get attached.

—

Din is 5 miles out from the last place on his list, Jolleys Truck Stop, when the CB radio crackles to life.

A voice cuts through, “Anyone see that blondie wandering around at Jolleys? Rusty Crawler, Over.”

“With the guitar? Interstate Blackbeard, Over.”

Din’s heart skips and his spine straightens.

“Aye-firmative, Blackbeard. She a lot lizard er what?”

“Negative, Rusty, she has party favors.”

He picks up his mic and asks, “Do you have eyes on her, Rusty Crawler? 38-91, over.”

“Do I ever, 38-91, wheeew,” the man jests.

Din looks over at the dog, who was jolted awake by the radio. He starts panting, his buggy black eyes darting around the cab, little nub of a tail wiggling with excitement.

“Are you ready?” he asks, raising his eyebrows in question to his companion.

“Boof.”

“Good,” Din snorts in response, then turns his eyes back to the road.