#and on that front i enjoyed seeing that even if i felt bad for xie lian at points!

[talk-danmei-to-me]

Sneak Peek: Body in the Abyss, Heart in Paradise Ch3

In which Hua Cheng makes his grand appearance! It only took 2 chapters of Xie Lian fucking Jun Wu to summon him 😉

For those of you who haven't yet read my Frankenstein's monster of 90s Yaoi meets Danmei:

Everyone else, please enjoy

Xoxo

***

Qi Rong was drunk. He'd been amiable for most of the evening, but it seemed his good favour had finally run out with the wine. Xie Lian sighed and braced himself for an onslaught as Qi Rong pointed an accusatory finger at him.

'Shitty cousin Crown Prince, golden child of our family. If only... if only my dear aunt and uncle knew how DOG FUCKED YOU WERE!'

Xie Lian felt his blood turn cold. Usually he was shitty, usually he'd committed some minor slight that ruined Qi Rong's childhood. Never before had Qi Rong directed such crass words at him.

'Your ass is prized now I hear. Desired by every director from here to-' he hiccuped and Xie Lian suddenly forgot how to breathe.

How had Qi Rong discovered the type of things Xie Lian had been doing for Jun Wu these last few months? He was only an intern. Surely a director hadn't named Xie Lian in front of him. As his mind continued to whir with unwelcome possibilities, Qi Rong burst out laughing.

'Dogfucked, that was a good one.' He tapped Shi Qingxuan on the shoulder as he praised himself, taking one overexaggerated breath after the other.

Shi Qingxuan pointed to something in the distance, 'Look a taxi! Perhaps you should go home before you cause anymore upset. Won't the hangover be bad enough?'

'Pfft.. trying to send me home so you can stick it inside whilst I'm not looking.'

'What?' Shi Qingxuan's face flushed at the implication and he looked to Xie Lian with a helpless expression.

'Qi Rong-'

'Tell me cousin,' Qi Rong spoke over him, projecting every word for all to hear, 'Who is it to be tonight?'

'I don't-'

'Don't play dumb, like that pathetic little come stain that follows you around... What's his name?' Qi Rong paused, rubbing his temple with his fingers as though he was trying to conjure something, 'FENG XIN!'

He applauded himself and Xie Lian felt himself on the verge of tears. Usually he could find the strength to laugh at his cousin's ramblings, but this time, each word he said cut deeper than the last.

'You don't think I actually believe you came to my party because you wanted to?'

'We're family, why wouldn't I come?' Xie Lian said, trying to keep his tone as even as possible.

Qi Rong stomped his foot like the petulant child he was, 'Enough bullshit dogfucker! Tell me who is paying to split your-'

Before Qi Rong could finish his sentence a fist collided with his face and sent him falling to the ground.

'You shouldn't have to listen to trash like that,' the owner of the fist said.

Xie Lian found himself blinking at the sight of Qi Rong on the ground in a heap. Unable to comprehend what he'd just witnessed.

'Hua Cheng! It's rude to hit people,' Shi Qingxuan brandished his complimentary fan at him.

Hua Cheng simply shrugged, 'Not if they deserved it.'

Xie Lian found a small laugh escaped his throat. He met Hua Cheng's gaze and found himself in awe of how beautiful the man was.

He couldn't recall seeing him before, but Shi Qingxuan seemed familiar with him. Either way, it felt rude to ask who he was after he'd defended him so galantly.

'Please, let me buy you a drink, to say thanks,' Xie Lian said, pointing to the door.

Qi Rong continued muttering to the pavement about how slutty his cousin was. Shi Qingxuan fanned him in a futile attempt to sober him up. With Hua Cheng beside him, Xie Lian found he didnt much care to listen to his cousin's ramblings anymore.

Hua Cheng had not been named in any of Jun Wu's texts, but that probably only meant Jun Wu thought it was a waste of time to spend time with him.

'Lead the way,' Hua Cheng said, and Xie Lian figured what Jun Wu didn't know couldn't hurt him.

[nyerus]

Unpopular opinion: yin yu's return aside, i absolutely loathe the amnesia extra, it's the only thing of mxtx's that i hate, hua cheng going around letting xie lian think he got raped? yeah no.....i felt so bad cause they kept toying with xie lian and gaslighting him and he felt so confused like imagine waking up like that and panicking cause you don’t know what’s going on and whatever happened might’ve ruined everything you’ve worked for your whole life it’s too sad....

Sorry did not mean to rant here, nyerus....Can I ask, what is your opinion on this extra?

I love the extra, and besides the Birthday extra, it's one of my favorites, so I'd have to disagree. But that's alright, since different people will engage with something differently! To give my perspective....

Xie Lian certainly jumped to conclusions, which I think were understandable for his situation. But he didn't really make that concern known at any point, so I don't think Hua Cheng assumed that as well. (My only ?? moment was don't gods have accelerated healing so how come he's still got marks on him, instead of it being long-healed up.) It's definitely a terrifying prospect, though even Xie Lian was a little unsure of what actually happened until towards the end, right before the actual reveal and before he got his memories back.

I think saying Hua Cheng was gaslighting him is extreme, as Hua Cheng was very carefully trying to control the situation to ensure that Xie Lian -- who was unknowing of said situation and unpredictable as a result -- wouldn't do anything extreme. (There was absolutely no way that Xie Lian would believe him if he just came out and told him everything. That would probably have done a lot more damage.) Definitely, Hua Cheng played up trying to be very seductive, knowing that Xie Lian would be attracted to him, but he was at no point cruel nor did he take advantage. He knew very well how to best approach Xie Lian to not only pique his interest, but to keep it -- because doing so would ultimately keep Xie Lian safe. He had to get Xie Lian back to Paradise Manor at all costs, for Xie Lian's safety, and getting Xie Lian to trust him on his own was a much better option than either kidnapping him or telling him things that would potentially terrify the hell out of him. He was already confused and sacred, and that would just terrify the shit out of him. You could tell at points that Hua Cheng felt extremely conflicted, but seeing as it was temporary, knew it was a matter of waiting it out until he could find that monster and return things to normal. In my opinion, he was pretty respectful while still being a little bewildered and charmed himself by this brand-new side of Xie Lian that he never got to see. I don't fault him for enjoying seeing that side of Xie Lian while also clearly feeling bittersweet for countless reasons. It's a complicated situation, so the feelings involved are going to be complicated.

The ending as very touching to me, with Hua Cheng reassuring Xie Lian that in the end, he did get everything he worked for. They can't change the past nor run from it, but no one could have done better. He did his best and in the end, found his happiness. The journey was hard and he went through horrors he did not deserve, but his own strength saw him through to the end. That he needn't be afraid of facing that truth, because he was not alone anymore.

It's completely okay if you dislike it, as we cannot expect to like every aspect of something, and that's just normal! Especially when it comes to things which mention sexual assault, it can be very triggering or upsetting. I myself have things that have affected me badly, but that's just how it goes in life. We all have different perspectives and reasons for either liking/disliking something, which will affect how we see it as a whole. As long as we can all respect that for each other, it's all good!

[bowsie22]

There is no love without suffering

Xiaoge and Wu Xie finally meet

Wu Xie loved his family. Well, most of them. His grandmother was a woman to be feared, but she also kissed all his childhood injuries and cared for him when he was sick. His Ershu was, for all intents and purposes, a gangster. But Wu Xie knew that if anyone even looked at him wrong, his Ershu would deal with that person within the hour. That probably shouldn’t have been as comforting as it was.

And then there was Sanshu. For all that Wu Xie loved the man, he could admit that Sanshu had some shortcomings. Sure, his uncle was responsible for bringing him to tombs and introducing him to the family business. But he was also responsible for multiple panic attacks, random attacks from strange men and Wu Xie nearly dying in tombs. So, the bad outweighed the good.

And then Sanshu asked Wu Xie and Pangzi to join him on a job, a big one. Desperate to get away from his Ershu’s matchmaking attempts, Wu Xie agreed and Pangzi and he were gone within two days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So do we know who your uncle has with him?” Wu Xie looked up from his notebook where he was sketching the train station they had just left. “Well, we can assume Pan Zi. After that I have no idea. You think he tells me things like that?” Pangzi laughed, knowing his young friend was right. Sanshu shared only what he thought was necessary. Unfortunately for everyone else, that tended to be the bare minimum. Deciding not to worry about it, Wu Xie closed his notebook, taking out a pack of cards. Fleecing Pangzi in poker sounded a lot more fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wu Xie had missed Pan Zi’s hugs, they really were the best. He had also missed Pan Zi, the man was more of an uncle to him than his actual uncle sometimes. Over Pan Zi’s shoulder he saw a man. He was young, attractive(very attractive), wearing black and staring at Wu Xie, dark eyes sending a shiver through the man’s body. Who was that? Pan Zi, noticing the distraction, gestured the young man to approach. “Wu Xie, this is Xiaoge. Your uncle hired him to guide us through the tomb.” Shaking the other man’s hand, Wu Xie winced at the strong grip. He could feel callouses, the sword over the other man’s shoulder explaining them. “Nice to meet you Xiaoge.” The man nodded, dropping Wu Xie’s hand, moving to stand at the edge of the camp, back turned to the group. What an odd man. Attractive though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiaoge had never felt like this before. When Sanxing had told him that Wu Xie, his nephew, would be joining them, Xiaoge had been annoyed. Another person to protect, someone else to waste their time. And then the man had arrived to camp. He was cute. Slim, messy hair, glasses almost too big for his face. He was adorable and Xiaoge was drawn to him for some reason, staring as Pan Zi pulled the young man into a hug. Damn, he was glad that Xiazi wasn’t here to see this, the man would never let him live this down. Walking over when Pan Zi called him, Xiaoge accepted the handshake. Wait, was that? No, no way. It couldn’t be. He tightened his grip, needing to make sure. And there it was. A line of scar tissue across Wu Xie’s palm, exactly where Xiaoge cut every time he needed blood. This was his soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Xiaoge guy was kind of intense. He had spent the entire trek to and through the tomb at Wu Xie’s side, pulling him away from traps and dangers. Wu Xie was slightly concerned that his shoulder was dislocated at this stage. Sanshu was ahead of them, concentrating on the map in his hands, Pan Zi holding the torch for him. Pangzi was at their back, holding back a laugh every time Xiaoge grabbed Wu Xie. He really knew his Tianzhen too well, aware that the younger man was more than happy about the constant touching. Overall, it had been an easy tomb, the traps easy enough, nothing too dangerous. The five men were relaxed, making their way slowly through the tomb. And then they heard the rustling, the sound of feet skittering across the floor. Wu Xie knew what that meant, having dealt with these things more than once. Shibie. Dangerous, fast, he knew they couldn’t outrun them. Sanshu stepped back, pushing Xiaoge in front of the group. “Well, do your thing, this is why we brought you with us.” What? What was Xiaoge going to do? He could see the shibie now, moving as a large group towards them. There was a lot of them, how could one man handle them? He watched Xiaoge remove a glove and unsheathe his sword. Wait, he wasn’t going to do what Wu Xie thought he was going to do, was he? Waiting until the last possible moment, Xioge moved, his sword cutting through his palm and blood flying through the air. It created a barrier between the group and shibie, who refused to cross it. As the blade cut through Xiaoge’s palm, Wu Xie had a moment of realisation. Oh shit, he thought as pain lanced through his palm and blood started dripping. This is his soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trip out of the tomb was a lot less relaxed. Pangzi bandaged up a shocked Wu Xie’s hand, while Pan Zi looked after Xiaoge. Sanshu was silent, staring between his nephew and his soulmate, muttering something under his breath. Reaching camp, Pangzi and Pan Zi dragged Sanshu to the river, close enough to hear an attack, but far enough that Wu Xie and Xiaoge could talk. Wu Xie lit the fire, avoiding eye contact with the other man. He knew they needed to talk about this, but how did he start? This was the man who he thought was being abused as a child, the man he was determined to save. And now here he was, his soulmate in front of him. “So, you’re my soulmate huh?” Xiaoge nodded. Huh, a man of few words. If Pangzi were here he’d make some stupid comment about Wu Xie having more than enough words for the two of them. Sighing, Wu Xie pulled Xiaoge to sit beside him. Pan Zi was great at many things, first aid was not one of them.

He unwrapped the sloppily tied bandage and opened the first aid kit from his bag. He wiped the wound clean, rubbing on antibiotic cream. He had never been this nervous doing first aid before, but then he also had never had his soulmate staring at him. God, those eyes could really see into his soul, couldn’t they? He tied off the bandage, not letting go of Xiaoge’s hand. He stroked a gentle finger along the wound, not sure what to say. “Wu Xie.” He looked up, blushing at the softness in those dark eyes. “Wu Xie.” What was this? “Are you just saying my name?” The older man smiled, a small, beautiful thing. “I like your name, my soulmate’s name. I finally know it, I want to say it as much as I can.” Wu Xie blushed, not expecting the silent man to be so sweet. They still had a lot to talk about but he figured, as Xiaoge pulled him into a gentle kiss, that there would be plenty of time for talking later. Right now he just wanted to enjoy being held in his soulmate’s arms.

[lillotte17]

The same anon here again! Yeah, how you read the sequence of events def depends a bit on suspension of disbelief. ZZS of course could've just killed everyone on the way to the mountain, but that would've ruined the immortality cultivation plot. I figured that ZZS would've simply killed everyone the hard way if prince Jin had indeed been in the caravan, or if he'd felt himself starting to die too soon. But also, yes, he clearly just enjoyed trolling the Scorpion King.

*pulls up a chair and sits down*

Okay okay okay, so you didn't ask but I'm gonna throw my Fix-its at you anyway.

SO much of the logic squibbliness gets solved if Zhou Zishu's focus had shifted to the Scorpion King! SO. MUCH.

-Prince Jin has already been mostly declawed. He's bedridden, and the Window of Heaven under Pengju is clearly much less of a threat than it was under Zishu, because he's shortsighted, ambitious, and greedy.

-Even if Prince Jin got the armory, he's not really interested in the martial secrets, he wants the 'secret to a prosperous country' which...is not a bad thing, really?? Let him have it, why not?

ON THE OTHER HAND:

-Xie Wang was clearly the one in charge of the ghosts who went rogue. Even if Zhao Jing was their boss in technicality, Scorpion was clearly the one keeping them in line and giving them orders.

-WHICH MEANS it is safe to more or less lay a good bit of blame at his feet for what happened to Chenling's family (reason #1 for ZZS to kill him)

-he also attacked Cao Weining's sect using the ghosts, which made his master even more of an a-hole than he already was and -1000% unlikely to ever sign off on Weining marrying Gu Xiang (#2)

-and the anger over that he later manipulated to get Weining's master to attack ghost valley for the key and the glazed armor Scorpion already had. Which led to the death of Cao Weining and Gu Xiang on their wedding day (#3)

-Zhou Zishu has his own guilt over this because he made puppy eyes at Lao Wen to make him open the doors to ghost valley, and so he wants to make it up to him and avenge Ah Xiang because he loved her, too. (#4)

-bitch boy really tried to murder Zhou Zishu's Murder Husband right in front of his salad and that is Illegal (#5)

-For less personal reasons: Scorpion King is definitely NOT someone who should have access to super powerful martial abilities, because he is (unlike Pengju) already pretty terrifying and clever, and lord knows what he would do with that knowledge on hand (#6)

- And if you want to throw in an extra one, he is the person Zishu kills/defeats at the end of the book, too. So, that would be a throw back to the original work, which is always nice.

Unlike Prince Jin, Scorpion King is probably not someone ZZS could just run up on. He might kill him, but he might also get poisoned before he got the glazed armor away from him, and that would be Bad. ZZS did not know that WKX gave him a fake key. He did not even know the WKX had the REAL key. It makes much more sense for Zhou Zishu to approach with caution if his real target is Scorpion King, because he does not know him well, and he is less familiar with his methods. Would he carry the key and the glazed armor with him? Would he trust it to a subordinate? Would he hide it? He's not sure, so he has to wait until they confirm that they have it, and it's where he can see it, and then he can take them down and ensure that even if they don't die, they can never access the armory and its treasures.

Also, even though I pity him and he had a really interesting story arc, I still REALLY wanted someone to stab the Scorpion King. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ He set up my purple bby and best boi to die, and I was more than ready to watch him spit blood while the light left his eyes.

So. Yes. Change Zishu's focus to Scorpion King, and also maybe make the explosives something he's carrying so we see him throw them or something, just to make it obvious that he's the one that started the avalanche and this was all part of his Cunning Plan.

[ticklygiggles]

Big melons and juicy apples | HuaLian

A/N: Ah, my sweet boys. I love writing for them so much ashjfjsdgjjs I hope you enjoy this! Thank you for your request!

Summary: Xie Lian doesn’t like to share - he is not one to blame, whatsoever.

28. “Shhh they’ll hear us!”

Words: 3,113 (short? what’s short?)

-------

"San Lang should've worn something to block the sun," Xie Lian said tenderly yet severely as he looked up at his lover from under his hat. 

It had been a while since the last time Xie Lian saw Hua Cheng as that young boy he once met in that ox cart; was it three years ago? Ten? He didn't know, it was hard to keep counting the years when they passed by endlessly, so why to worry. 

The sun was up right above their heads, shining bright and extremely hot. Xie Lian felt sweat droplets falling down his back and the sides of his face and neck, making him feel sticky and overly, a bit uncomfortable, but Hua Cheng, walking by his side with the brightest of smiles, was not even sweating, he looked fresh and Xie Lian wanted to jump into his arms right on the spot. 

But he didn't. Of course he didn't. He was sure that Hua Cheng wouldn't care at all, but that rumor about him was already out there in Ghost City and he didn't exactly want to create even more in another town where they were just looking for some ingredients for dinner. He could wait until they were back to the temple. 

Hua Cheng chuckled. "Do not worry, Your Highness. San Lang is okay."

"Is he?" Xie Lian hummed, too distracted seeing the way Hua Cheng's Adam's apple moved as he talked. 

His belly fluttered at the thought of being wrapped around Hua Cheng's arms. Hua Cheng's skin was always cold, so Xie Lian would definitely hide his flushed face against his neck, refreshing himself as Hua Cheng's lips gently touched his skin, leaving butterflies kisses over his neck and shoulder and whispering words of love against his ear. 

Xie Lian felt his cheeks turning bright red and he lowered his head, hiding under his hat. Hua Cheng lifted one eyebrow, his childish smile morphing into a grin.

"Hmm? Gege, what is it that you're think-

"Handsome Daozhang! Come and buy our sweet melons!" Xie Lian lifted his face and he was slightly surprised to find a group of ladies giggling and looking over at him. "Don't be shy, Daozhang! We also have the sweetest and juiciest apples! Come, come!" 

Xie Lian smiled softly, bowing his head a little as he walked away from that stall, hearing them let out sad sighs, but then he could hear more giggles.

"Wah! What a handsome gege! Will you also leave without trying our sweet, sweet melons?" Xie Lian immediately looked at his side and his eyes widened when he didn't find Hua Cheng there. He turned around and was even more surprised to see him talking with those girls, a smile on his lips.

*Hmm? I think I would love to see these beautiful ladies' melons," he purred and Xie Lian gasped when he felt a little tug to his heart. 

The ladies giggled, covering their mouths, their cheeks bright red. "Now, now, handsome gege, you just wait here!" One of them said. "I will show you my amazing melons, you just wait, please!"

"That sounds perfect," Hua Cheng said. Xie Lian had never heard him using that coquettish voice with someone else but him. 

A sudden wave of an awkward sensation rushed through him. He felt like he was being robbed and he gasped again when the thought 'he's mine!' suddenly filled his mind. Oh, he so desperately wanted to go there and drag Hua Cheng out of the stall and away from their eyes. He is mine! He wanted to scream to their faces, but he didn't. Of course he didn't. 

Goodness, was he a child? Not wanting to share his toys with anyone… yet again Hua Cheng was not a toy and he certainly didn't want to share him with anyone. He just wanted to bring him back to Qiandeng Temple, where he only had eyes for Xie Lian and there weren't pretty ladies flirting with him.

But, instead, he simply stood there, waiting for Hua Cheng with a tense little smile as Hua Cheng kept dirtily joking with those maidens. 

He really wanted to get back home. 

"Gege!" Hua Cheng said with a bright smile. "Your Highness, look what I got. They all look delicious, don't they?" He said excitedly, showing Xie Lian the big melons. 

Xie Lian nodded, forcing out a smile and trying to fight the need to throw the melons away like a spoiled child. "They really do."

"I'm glad His Highness also thinks so," Hua Cheng nodded proudly. "So, where else did Gege want to go?"

"Ah, I think we should head back home," Xie Lian said, turning around to start walking his way back to the temple. "I am feeling tired already."

Hua Cheng hummed. "Is that so? Then as you wish, Your Highness."

They walked back and Xie Lian wondered if he was the one making the silence surrounding them so heavy. They usually talked about anything and everything when they walked together, but right now, Xie Lian really didn't feel like talking, in any case, he felt like he really didn't want to look at Hua Cheng, so he tried his best to avoid looking at his lover as much as he could. 

"What is making His Highness upset?" Hua Cheng asked and Xie Lian almost jumped out of his skin as his cheeks turned bright red. 

It didn't surprise him that Hua Cheng noticed he was… upset, but he felt a bit embarrassed about why he was feeling like that. He cleared his throat softly. 

"I am just tired, San Lang,* he said softly, his eyes glued to the path in front of him. "You should carry me on your back," he joked to cut a bit of tension. 

"I can do it."

Xie Lian chuckled softly. "I am just kidding you. I can still walk."

Hua Cheng hummed and the conversation was dead again… at least for a few more minutes. When they were entering the Ghost Market, Hua Cheng started to talk again and Xie Lian accidentally turned around to look at him; he was surprised to see him back to his Ghost King form, his skin glowing under that beautiful red robe and his bright eye looking at him with a bit of concern. 

"Gege knows I usually don't force him to tell me things he doesn't want to tell me,” Hua Cheng started again and Xie Lian felt his heart jumping, "but it seems like this time, the reason why Gege is upset is because of this lowly one, am I wrong?"

Xie Lian immediately averted his eyes, thankful when a ghost greeted him happily. "That's- That's not it, San La-

"Do not lie to me, Gege," Hua Cheng begged as the speed of their steps increased when they could see Qiandeng Temple again. "I know I'm in fault, but if His Highness doesn't tell me what I did wrong, then how am I supposed to not hurt him again?"

Xie Lian sighed, feeling even more embarrassed and a bit bad because he made Hua Cheng worry, but back then he really was feeling extremely upset and even a little betrayed, now he feels a bit more at peace, except for the tug of guilt twisting his insides. Was he overreacting?

He sighed again and looked up at Hua Cheng with a little smile, this time a bit more sincere, almost apologetic, his cheeks pink. "I am sorry, San Lang. It really was nothing."

"Gege," Hua Cheng whined softly and Xie Lian actually let out a little chuckle. "Please tell me!"

Xie Lian shook his head solemnly as they stepped out of the market, now closer to their home. "I said it was nothing, San Lang," he said softly, balancing the sack he had on one of his hands to the other. 

"Gege," Xie Lian actually looked up at Hua Cheng when he heard that warning tone on his voice, his insides fluttering. He let out a gasp when the sack in his hand suddenly disappeared, the melons in Hua Cheng's hands were also gone.

"What did you-

"I have my ways to make you talk, Gege," he purred with that flirty voice and Xie Lian felt his heart doing a little flip.

"W-What ways- ah! N-No! Wahahahait!" Xie Lian squeaked before bubbly giggles poured out of his mouth as Hua Cheng latched his hands to his waist and started to squeeze it softly. "N-Nohoho!" Xie Lian giggled, grabbing Hua Cheng's wrists and trying to push them away, but he has always been so weak against tickling, he could only feel his knees giving up a little as he bend forward. 

"Shh! They'll hear us, Gege!" He whispered into Xie Lian's ear and he knew Hua Cheng was talking about the ghosts at the market. Xie Lian squeaked and giggled more. "And I don't want anyone else listening to your laughter!"

And I don't want anyone hearing your flirty voice! 

"Thehehen don't do thihihis!" Xie Lian let out a bark of laughter when he felt a squeeze near his bottom ribs, he struggled a little and managed to pull himself out from Hua Cheng's grip, making a run to Qiandeng Temple. 

"Gege!" Xie Lian covered his mouth, trying to stop the uncontrollable giggles that bloomed out as Hua Cheng chased after him. 

"Don't chahahase me!" He said, finally stepping inside their temple and looking for a place to hide. 

"Then don't run, Gege!" Xie Lian could hear the smile on Hua Cheng's voice and he felt butterflies filling his stomach.

Now that things had escalated to this, Xie Lian felt even more embarrassed to actually admit the reason he was feeling upset!

"You're gonna do that!" He squealed as he shielded himself with the table, using it as a barrier between him and Hua Cheng. 

"It's because His Highness doesn't want to let me know what's upsetting him!" Hua Cheng was smiling and Xie Lian could barely stand looking at that beautiful smile, his pink cheeks turning red.

"I- I already told you it was no- ah!" Xie Lian shrieked when Hua Cheng suddenly launched at him and he started to run away once again, feeling his back tingling at how close Hua Cheng was. "Stop! Sto- ah!"

He thought that his luck had improved after being with Hua Cheng for so long, but it hadn't. He always, always, found something to trip over whenever Hua Cheng chased him, this time, unfortunately, was his own foot. He shrieked and laughed when, instead of falling face first into the wooden floor, Hua Cheng caught him and started to squeeze his waist again. 

"Oh nohohoho! Plehehease!" Xie Lian tried to run again, but Hua Cheng was holding him good as he tickled him silly. "Sahahahan Lahahang! S-Stahahap!"

"Yes, of course," Hua Cheng said. "I'll stop as soon as Gege tells me why he's sad."

Xie Lian shook his head, letting out bright laughter when Hua Cheng's fingers climbed up to his ribs, rubbing deep circles against the sensitive bones and in the grooves between them. 

Xie Lian wrapped his arms around his ribcage, trying to push Hua Cheng's away, but it was impossible, he had no choice but to squirm and laugh and squeak between his arms as he stubbornly tried to keep his secret safe. 

What would Hua Cheng say if he knew? Would he be angry? Would he laugh at him? I can do whatever I want, Gege… would he really say something like that? Deep inside, Xie Lian knew that Hua Cheng wouldn't do any of those things, he'd probably apologize deeply and say he'd never do it again, but still, Xie Lian felt too embarrassed by his behavior. 

He was never envious. He didn't remember the last time he was jealous of something or someone, but with Hua Cheng… it definitely was different. He'd lost many things in his life, but he thought, Hua Cheng was the only one that he didn't want to lose ever. Xie Lian loved him tenderly and deeply and a lifetime without him just didn't sound right. 

He possessively wanted Hua Cheng by his side for all the eternity and he was sure that Hua Cheng felt the same for him, so Xie Lian thought that it was only normal to have these kinds of feelings if someone looked like they were trying to steal his lover away from him. 

"Is Gege ready to talk?" Hua Cheng suddenly asked, whispering against Xie Lian's ear, causing him to squeak as tears of laughter slowly started to fall down his blushed cheeks. 

"Sahahahan Lahahang!" Xie Lian cackled, not knowing what else to do to pry those hands away from his ribs. "Leheheheve thohohose alohohohone!" He felt his ears flushing when Hua Cheng chuckled softly. 

"Leave your ribs alone?" He asked teasingly and Xie Lian nodded, feeling goosebumps covering his skin with each brush of Hua Cheng's lips against his ear. "Okay, Your Highness, whatever you say."

"Ahahaha! No! NAHAHAT thehehere!" Xie Lian shrieked with laughter when Hua Cheng shot his hands under his arms.

Xie Lian threw his head back against Hua Cheng's shoulder and laughed hysterically as Hua Cheng's fingers wiggled into his underarms, tickling him mercilessly. Xie Lian trashed about, but the more Hua Cheng kept tickling him there, the weaker he felt, so after only a few seconds, he was barely standing on his feet, arms pressed to his sides and hands trying to join those of Hua Cheng under his arms to protect them from those mean tickles. 

"Not here? Then Your Highness should just be sincere with me," Hua Cheng whispered, his mouth gently grazing over his ear moved down to nibble at his neck and Xie Lian snorted softly, bright, bubbly giggles sneaking into his hysterical laughter fit.

Xie Lian shook his head, his shoulders scrunching up as his body arched and squirmed weakly. 

"Okay! OKAHAHAY!" Xie Lian finally gave up. "S-Sahahan L-Lang w-wahahas- he wahahas- ahahaha I'm tahahahalking!" He squeaked out when the tickling continued and Hua Cheng only chuckled. 

"Oh, you're right. I'm sorry, Your Highness," he said, finally stopping his fingers. 

Xie Lian barely had time to talk again before Hua Cheng was turning him around. Chest to chest now, Xie Lian felt like his face was about to explode; Hua Cheng was looking at him so tenderly and he was smiling so sweetly as his arms wrapped around Xie Lian, holding him close as their faces were mere millimeters away. 

"I'm all ears, Gege."

Xie Lian started, his words a stuttering mess. "W-well... San L-Lang was flirting with those ladies... And I think uh... I got a bit jealous since, since I was there too," Xie Lian explained and he let out a little whine, pressing his face against Hua Cheng's chest. "I really wanted to drag you away from them."

The fact that there wasn't a racing heart inside Hua Cheng's chest made him feel even more nervous - what was Hua Cheng thinking? Did he think Xie Lian was being silly? 

He felt Hua Cheng moving one of his arms and Xie Lian wrapped his own arms tightly around Hua Cheng's waist, he didn't want to let go. Was Hua Cheng actually leaving him for something like that? No, that couldn't be. It just couldn't!

"S-San Lang." 

He went quiet when he felt Hua Cheng's fingers placing a piece of his hair behind his ear, making Xie Lian shiver.

"Gege," Hua Cheng said softly and Xie Lian almost squeaked when he felt the cold touch of the palm of his hand against his warm cheek. 

He was trying to lift his face and, sucking all embarrassment, Xie Lian let him. He was surprised when Hua Cheng's lips were suddenly pressed against his own, kissing him tenderly as his thumb gently caressed his cheekbone. 

Xie Lian felt his insides melting and his heart fluttered heavily. What did this kiss mean? 

When Hua Cheng pulled apart, he pressed his forehead against Xie Lian's. "I sincerely apologize."

Xie Lian widened his eyes slightly. "Yes?"

"Gege has the right to feel this way because what I did was extremely wrong. I deeply apologize, Your Highness."

"N-No! It's not-"

"It is," Hua Cheng said and Xie Lian saw the intensity in his eye. "If His Highness were to flirt with someone else right in front of my face, I also would be upset "

"I know San Lang only wanted to get us the best fruits," Xie Lian said softly, his eyes looking down as he rubbed Hua Cheng's back gently. 

"It does not matter. I am sorry, Gege."

Xie Lian smiled and he tiptoed to kiss Hua Cheng's lips. "I forgive you, San Lang." 

The bright smile that Hua Cheng gave him almost made him faint. How could he love this man so much, he didn't know. Xie Lian smiled just as brightly and he closed his eyes, leaning in so their lips could meet again and again and again until Hua Cheng pulled apart a little. 

"My apology is sincere, Gege," he started and Xie Lian frowned, "I will not do that kind of thing ever again, but… I can't help but feel happy that His Highness was jealous of those maidens."

Xie Lian felt his face heating up. "Ah, San Lang. Don't get too full of yourself," he said, looking away from his playful lover, but letting out a soft chuckle, relief filling his chest.

"Ah, but His Highness must totally have grabbed me and dragged me away! I think this lowly one would've swooned!" 

Xie Lian giggled. "don't be silly… but, from now on," Xie Lian said, his voice dropping low as he stared at Hua Cheng's eye, "San Lang has to remember that… I don't like to share what's mine."

Hua Cheng widened his eye, his mouth dropping open as he stared at Xie Lian's raised eyebrow and severe eyes. He was not joking.

"Oh Heavens, Gege!" Xie Lian squeaked when he was suddenly lifted up and Hua Cheng was peppering Xie Lian’s face with kisses, making him giggle. "This lowly one will not do something like that again. My life is in your hands, Gege. I am, definitely, all yours," Hua Cheng promised and Xie Lian smiled at him. 

"Mn. Just as much as you are mine, I am also yours. Until my last breath," Xie Lian said and he was the one to look for Hua Cheng's lips to kiss him again and again and again until they consummated their love on that divan with the orange light of sunset bathing their bodies.

[quillium]

Mu Qing, sitting crosslegged across his highness’ stupid boyfriend, watching him make a cup of tea while Xie Lian and Feng Xin spar in the garden.

The garden. His highness has a garden. 

His highness is sparring with Feng Xin in said garden.

Is the garden okay.

Are the plants okay.

Why in the garden when his highness’ cottage is literally on the side of a mountain which is above a flat valley plain.

Mu Qing had been worried about his highness when Hua Cheng had been missing, but now that he’s back, he feels quite content being constantly annoyed and ready to commit murder every time he sees them act so disgustingly domestic.

Even worse: This little house which they just live in every day being couple-y and cute.

Every time that Mu Qing and Feng Xin come here, he sees Feng Xin act all mopey and sad because he also wants that married life, Mu Qing supposes.

He can never understand.

But, he supposes, that’s the curse of living. You always want what you can’t have.

Hua Cheng finishes making the tea and sits back to let it steep. His gaze immediately turns to the window--watching his highness.

If you ask Mu Qing, he’s a freaky bastard. But he makes his highness happier than Mu Qing remembers seeing him so he supposes--well, he’s alright. At the very least, bearable.

Not that Mu Qing can get mad at him for that. Mu Qing also would prefer watching his highness sparring to trying to make small talk with Hua Cheng--they’re just different people.

(Isn’t that the excuse that Mu Qing has always given? We’re just different. We’re born different, made different, think different-- and so he always gave up on the things he wanted, because they always felt too far.

Now he has everything that anyone could ask for and the unease, the hollow in his chest, the thought that he’s nothing, that he’s still not good enough, persists.

He wonders if anyone else feels this way.

He knows that nobody else feels this way.)

After five minutes have passed, the tea is done steeping and Hua Cheng pours it out after calling out, “Gege! Tea!”

The sparring immediately stops, his highness bowing to Feng Xin, and Mu Qing leans back, making room for Feng Xin to sit beside him as Hua Cheng places a cup in front of him.

“Thank you.”

“It’s Jasmine.”

Mu Qing makes an appreciative hum as he takes a sip. He may hate Hua Cheng, but he knows how to make good tea.

Feng Xin is grinning when he pats his sleeve against his face, holding open the door for his highness before trailing in and kneeling next to Mu Qing.

“Did you have fun sitting still?” 

“Did you have fun getting sweaty and gross?”

“I did, actually. You want a spar afterwards?”

Mu Qing sips his tea, bites back a smile at the fragrant taste, and says, “How could I pass up the opportunity to thoroughly trounce you?”

“I’m not the one who’s going to be losing.”

“The one with the least skill speaks the most.”

“You’re talking a lot, too!”

His highness laughs as he sits down next to Hua Cheng, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, and Mu Qing rolls his eyes.

Urgh.

Why invite them over if they’re just going to spend the whole time being mushy? This couple is ridiculous.

He makes eye contact with Feng Xin.

That’s how bad it is.

He’s making eye contact with Feng Xin, of all people. The ridiculous musclehead.

Feng Xin smiles wistfully at his cup.

Heavens, Mu Qing is surrounded by idiots.

His highness leans forward and grins at Mu Qing. “How’s the tea? San Lang is good at everything, it seems.”

“The leaves are good,” Mu Qing says stiffly. 

Hua Cheng glares. Mu Qing rolls his eyes.

Laughing, his highness leans back and says, “I suppose that since Mu Qing’s tea is the best, of course he could say something like that.”

Strangely flustered, Mu Qing looks away.

“You know, I accidentally oversteeped the leaves once, and it became so bitter, but San Lang drank it all without complaint.”

Why is Mu Qing not surprised.

His highness’s eyes are sparkling as he grins at Mu Qing. “You wouldn’t do that, though, right? You’d insult my tea to my face.”

It’s strange, this teasing. New, really. Before, his highness had been more careful--more gentle. Now, something in Hua Cheng brought out this lightness, this willingness to tease so easily. “Do you dislike honesty, your highness?”

“No, I think it’s charming.”

“Then you must think all of him charming, since he does nothing but roll his eyes and insult others.” 

One day, Mu Qing will murder Feng Xin, mark his words.

“I do find all of him charming,” his highness agrees amicably, smiling at Mu Qing as though they hold something secret and precious between the two of them.

“But I’m the most charming, right, gege?”

Ugh, gag him.

“Of course, San Lang is always my favourite...”

Feng Xin quickly downs the rest of his tea and makes desperate eye contact with Mu Qing. “Let’s have that spar now.”

“Right now,” Mu Qing agrees.

They pick up their swords and go out to the garden, and Mu Qing is exasperated, and somewhat annoyed, but he, too, in some small way, also enjoys this quiet, peaceful life.

My AO3

[ayawriter]

Surprise

Character: Naib, Jack, and Friends

Plot: The manor is plotting something, and Naib is suspicious. And there may be a confession at the end of it all.

WARNINGS: TINY NON-GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF PTS/ANXIETY/MURDER, JACKNAIB AT THE VERY END

It was a normal morning. Or at least, that’s what it was supposed to be, according to Naib. But as he wandered the halls on his way to breakfast, he noticed a strange tension in the air, especially whenever he was present. It wasn't a bad tension, but it put him on edge nonetheless, the way the others kept whispering and planning something behind his back. At first, it didn’t bother him as much, but when hunters started letting him go, he began to get suspicious. 

“What is going on…”

The match this time was with the Ripper. His teammates this time were the Mind’s Eye, the Priestess, and the Cowboy. However, with Ripper spinning around so merrily, it seemed that he wasn't looking for a serious fight that day, so while everyone was busy decoding, Naib decided to take it easy and spend some time with him. 

“I don’t have a bad feeling so much as a feeling that they’re planning something...Even the hunters. No matter what, I’m always let go or ignored...It’s not so bad sometimes, but when they spare me after slaughtering the rest of the team...well…”

Jack nodded his head, humming in acknowledgement. The two were currently hanging out on the second floor of the Sacred Heart Hospital, with Naib sitting on one of the beds and Jack leaning on another across from him. It was no secret that the two were close. It still baffles many residents how the two became as close as they were, despite the rocky start the two had, with Naib’s complete distrust over the hunter, and Ripper mistaking the Mercenary for a child. Yet, when Naib had succumbed to the pressure and memories of his past during a match, it was Jack who had ultimately helped him through his panic, and occasionally kept him grounded when his friends were unavailable. They were also able to connect through the fact that both of them had a significant body count. Now they could be found spending time together even outside of matches, something the others rarely see him do, except maybe with the Seer, Embalmer, and Forward, and occasionally the TonTon duo. 

“You don’t happen to know anything do you? It’s not often you decide to take things easy either.”

Jack gave him a look through his mask, pausing his fidgeting with his claws. 

“You...Don’t know what today is?”

The Mercenary tilted his head in confusion. 

“Is today some important event or something?”

The Hunter merely sighed and shook his head.

“No, it’s nothing....”

Naib hummed, suspicious. He’d have to check his calendar once the match was over. Right on time, the last cipher had popped, yet Jack’s eyes had yet to flare up. 

“I see you took off Detention.”

“Of course. I have no need for it if I’m planning on letting you all go free anyways.”

“Hah, fair point.”

He extended a hand towards the Mercenary with a gentlemanly bow. 

“Well, aren’t you being a gentleman today,” he remarked, taking the hand that was being offered, blushing slightly when it was kissed.

However, instead of being helped down, he was swept upward into a bridal carry, something Jack rarely ever did, unless it was a special occasion. Naib’s face was red in embarrassment, and could practically feel the smirk that was permeating through his mask. 

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

“I try.”

And Jack proceeded to carry Naib to the gate, where the others were waiting. 

“Thank you very much, Mr. Ripper,” Helena bowed politely, her can gripped close. 

“I’m not one fer friendly matches, but thanks.” 

“Yes, it’s nice to be able to have some time to relax, even within matches,” Fiona agreed. “And I see you two have been having fun while we were out decoding.” 

The priestess had a knowing smirk, eyeing the mercenary being carried by the Ripper, making him blush brighter. 

“I-It’s not like I’m being carried like this because I like it!”

Kevin laughed heartily, “Yet yer not even strugglin’! Actions speak louder than words,kid.”

Jack put him down, as a flustered Naib tried to defend himself to his team as they left one by one. Once Naib was the last one left, Jack took off his mask, a privilege he gave only to Naib on the survivor’s side. He always did enjoy seeing Naib get all flustered, and because of him no less. No matter how many times he sees it, Naib’s cheeks always gets dusted in pink whenever he sees his face uncovered. With a shy wave of thanks and goodbye, he leaves. 

Jack sighed, staring at his hand. Today, he was going to do it. He had an inkling Naib felt the same, but even if he didn’t, he wanted to clear the air before continuing their current relationship any further. They’ve had their moments, but he wanted to make sure. So he was going to test the waters tonight. After all, what better day is there to confess than today?

---

Naib stood frozen in front of the calendar. July 23rd. His birthday. How could he have forgotten? No, it wasn't that he had forgotten. He just hadn’t celebrated it in so long, he simply forgot the importance. And to be fair, there was never any reason, nor was there time to celebrate it. War was no place for personal celebrations, especially as a Gurkha. 

At the same time, Naib wasn't stupid. The way the other survivors kept hiding something behind his back, the hunters letting him go free even if it was their loss. He should have noticed the patterns. Heck they did something similar for Servais’ birthday not too long ago. But since birthdays were things he didn’t deem necessary to celebrate for himself, he never stopped to consider how the others might view it.  A sigh escaped his lips as he combed his hand through his currently loose hair. But even with this newfound knowledge, he didn’t want to raise his hopes up. After all, despite his suspicions, there could always be the possibility of a different celebration. But in that case would the others be keeping it secret from him? 

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. It was Eli, one of his closest friends within the manor. 

“Good evening, Naib. I was just calling you down for dinner.”

“Yeah, sure. Gimme a sec, I’ll be right down.”

Since he was in his room, he had left his hair down and taken off his green hood. Once he deemed himself presentable, he left the room and headed towards the dining hall with Eli. But when Eli had walked straight past the hall, Naib couldn’t help his growing suspicions. 

“Hey, where’re we going exactly?”

Eli merely smiled mysteriously. “You’ll see.” 

They stopped in front of the garden entrance. Naib was confused. What were they doing at the garden? He was about to ask, when Eli opened the door. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAIB SUBEDAR!”

Naib was greeted by excited shouts of congratulations and birthday wishes. The garden was brightly lit with paper lanterns courtesy of Michiko, Xie Bian, and Fan Wujiu, and there were tables set with food and sweets, complete with a huge birthday cake, courtesy of Hastur. Naib couldn’t believe the scene before him. For a split second, he was no longer at the manor, but at home, with his mother smiling warmly at him. For some reason, it filled him with a strange sort of happiness that was almost painful. He hadn’t even realized he was crying until his usual friends were surrounding him, and Jack was wiping them away, and the others became quiet. 

“S-Sorry,” he quickly wiped them away but the tears wouldn’t stop. “I...It’s been so long...I guess I forgot…” Despite the silent sobs that wracked his body, Naib made the most genuine smile, something he felt he hadn’t done in so long. “Thank you, everybody...Thank you so much!”

The worried faces quickly melt away to smiles. 

“It should be us who should be thanking you,” Eli spoke up. “You’ve done so much for us already, both in and outside of matches, this is the least we could do.”

Naib nodded, grinning at them wide despite the tears. William returned Naib’s smile with his own and a pat on the back, declaring with a loud voice, “Alright, what are we waiting for, let’s PARTY!”

Everyone cheered, and the party was a success. Naib was given many gifts, mostly handmade and small, due to the limited supplies in the manor, but to Naib they were something he would cherish forever. The festivities lasted long past midnight, till everyone just passed out in various parts of the garden. Only a handful of people were awake, helping clean up the mess in the garden. Naib was in the middle of taking the trash back inside when he was stopped by Jack. Michiko, with a knowing smile, just nodded at him, and took the bag inside for him. 

“This was honestly really nice. It was a bit overwhelming at first, but I’m glad nonetheless.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Jack and Naib were sitting on one of the benches that was a bit more isolated and less brightly lit, so that they could see the stars clearer. Jack had his mask discarded by his side while Naib settled his head on the taller man’s arm, since he couldn’t reach the shoulders, much to his annoyance. 

“Thanks, Jack.”

“I didn’t do anything. It was more of everyone’s ideas, but, you’re welcome.”

They sat in silence. Jack took a breath. 

“Naib.”

“Hm?”

Without another word, Jack’s lips found it’s way onto Naib’s forehead. 

“Happy Birthday.”

Naib was frozen, wide-eyed, a bright blush dusting his cheeks. 

“You--”

“Sorry,” Jack immediately pulled away. “I should have asked permission first. You were just so cute, I couldn’t resist.”

Silence reigned between the two, awkward and thick.

“You could’ve just asked…” the mercenary mumbled.

“Hm?”

Naib sighed. “I said...You could’ve just asked...I wouldn’t have minded…”

Jack smirked. “Oh?”

Naib was now a very deep shade of scarlet, his eyes refusing to meet the Ripper’s own. 

“And...next time…”

“What was that?”

“...’

Jack’s smirk grew wider. He absolutely loved teasing the mercenary. “I’m sorry, Naib, you’ve got to speak up.”

“I said...Next time...You can do it on the lips.”

Naib was blushing deeply, while this time it was Jack’s turn to be caught off guard. Slowly, his shock faded into a more genuine smile, his long arms snaking around Naib and hugging him close to his side. 

“Thank you, Naib. Happy Birthday. I love you.”

“...Yeah. I love you too, Jack.”

[tazzmanien]

The Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven Official’s Blessing) Review

Okay I’m doing it finally. Sorry if it ended up way too long, but in my defense the novel itself was huge so…

First of all I will not be comparing this novel with any of the other MXTX novels, but I just want to tell you this is definitely my new favorite for several reasons, but mostly its love story. If you want to know more write me I will gladly talk more about this.

I read in many posts everywhere that Hualian invented love. Well you know what, there is really no lie there. Theirs is one of the most beautiful love stories out there.

So, before I go into the details, please just go and read the novel!!! NOW! 

The good:

Usually I would like to say a few words about the writing style and quality, but as I’ve only read a translation of the novel I don’t think I can tell you much about it. The translation was very easy to read, so I’m guessing the novel can’t be too extravagant or bad either. BTW thank you everyone who is doing translations for FREE. You all are angels!

The novel was quite long, but the moment you step into the world you would wish it was longer. Every character has their own story and they needs time to evolve, so I really liked its length, but also not so much. Check out the bad for more information.

I liked how the story took place in three realms and different times. I know some get confused by such switches, but I tend to enjoy them very much. I think the heaven and the ghost city were so diverse, that I can’t wait to see them play out in whatever visual adaptation. I feel like this time around MXTX finally explained the actual world with more detail, which made it easier for me to imagine myself strolling through the ghost city market buying sum forbidden rubbish, or watching the moon up close while seated in a garden in heaven. I could see, smell, feel, hear and sometimes unfortunately even taste many things and that is what I think good writing should be about. The things that weren’t described in detail made it even more fun, as one could work with their own imagination (this might be a bad thing for visual adaptations, just saying). And some of you might remember I complained before that if one has no prior knowledge about the whole cultivation, eastern religion and xianxia stuff, then you might have issues reading MXTX books, well this did not change, but I guess I’m starting to appreciate it, as my own imagination created a whole new version of what this whole thing was meant to be. Still, I should have probably listed this in the bad part as well.

The main plot was very interesting and at times even slightly surprising. Mostly it was quite predictable, but I think writing does not have to invent itself every time again, but it has to give some sort of satisfaction at the end. If a story is predictable deep down to every little detail, this is not a huge issues if the story has other strengths. And this one had a nice mix of both.

It did have some parts which appalled me, but you know what, this was actually a good thing. Like I felt a lot of things, even though I really didn’t want to. The things that were disgusting, really actually disgusted me. The things that were supposed to make you angry, made me go nuts. The things that should have made you happy, made my grin like a maniac. But worst of all, were the things that existed to hurt you, they ripped out my heart and shredded it in front of me while I was still conscious. So all in all, yeah even the bad parts about the plot served a purpose. If you are good at keeping track on the main plot while diving into hundreds of subplots, then I would say it was easy to follow. I think this was okay, but the other way around (remembering the subplots) I would argue differently (more in the bad). Nevertheless, some of the subplots were so beautiful that I think they might have deserved their own novel, but isn’t that the case with all good stories?

On a side note, I don’t know if that was intended or if I just saw things that weren’t there, but was the hidden plot actually about how wrong idolizing people is and how it feels to go through post traumatic stress? I might write some more on this in a separate post, I just wanted to get it off my chest here.

Now my favorite part of any MXTX novel: the characters. Honestly, I can’t remember many stories where I loved every character. But MXTX did it again, I loved all of them, even the ones I hated. Once again the way the side characters were introduced, involved in the main story and the main guys, had their own very individual nature and lifes and fought with their own challenges was beautiful. Every character had their own aura (for the lack of a better word). Yeah I like to make fun of this but it’s true nevertheless: most of them had sad histories or were living their nightmares while the plot evolved, however, this was good as it made me appreciate the few sunreys that were able to shine through the clouds even more. As I said, I hated quite a few of them, but either they had their moment one had to love them for or they served another purpose, like propelling other characters to become what they were meant to be or drive the overall plot. And none of this felt forced. So to make it short wow!

And last but no least, the main characters and their love story. 

Xie Lian, our protagonist, my angel my only god the life of my love (yeah I used this one already, sue me), is an adorkable martial arts badass/nerd with the worst luck and cooking skills and spiderman reflexes. He is a true neutral, treats everyone with the same respect, just the way a god should be. He is so genuine in every aspect of his being. He is fully aware of all his shortcomings and all the wrongs he has done, but he still hasn’t lost the good in him and the will to act righteously. He is just so so human, that each of us could learn a little from him. I mean he even warns the freaking demon king to not think too highly of him, because he might disappoint him. And what does Hua Cheng do? He calls him his hope! So XL gives the cruelest of all the demons hope. This shows how perfectly imperfect and inspirational XL is. The world does not deserve him, yet still treats him the worst it can. He lost everything, EVERYTHING! Still he somehow came out to be this beautiful being. The only consolation we get is that at least he gets to have Hua Cheng in his life.

And Hua Cheng, he is the only man out there! Towards Xie Lian he is gentle, loving, understanding, supportive, patient, strong, funny and all sorts of beautiful things. With everyone else he is everything you would expect of a demon king to be and none of it a the same time. He is unpredictable in all things that are not Xie Lian. He does so many good deeds that one would forget that he is a demon king, but he hates, is cruel, intimidating, has killed and is mischievous through and through. Even though we don’t get to see everything about him (see the bad), we know him to be the perfect grey character. Also he proves to be the realest of them all, he stands by everything he says and does and I respect that a lot. He shows his anger and love equally and acts upon both equally. And is so freaking intelligent, handsome, sensual, seductive and cute, that I am actually fearing of being in love with a fictional character. The butterflies are a nice touch btw.

Yes, you are right, we all tend to praise almost every main couple, when the love story is good, but please hear me out. Both of them individually are just perfect in their own imperfect way and together they are the definition of true love. Their first encounter was magical to say the least. Without having any prior knowledge about the overall story or how their love would come to be, I was bewitched from the first moment they both shared the “screen”. I could feel the air stilling, just so I could give my full attention to them falling in love (yeah I know one was already head over heels before that meeting, but that is beside the point). And boy, the way they were falling. It was so realistic and yet hopelessly romantic, that I will use them as the perfect example to show people what it feels like to fall and be in love. 

The bad:

The length and some subplots… Yes well it was quite strenuous to follow the happenings, as every character had their own huge side story. While I loved to know every single bit of their stories, sometimes it took me a while to get back on track in the main story and many many times I totally forgot about some subplots later in the novel and was like “where is the other character now? why don’t we see them anymore?”. Despite its length, some characters stories were either only told from the view of the protagonist and lost a lot of what was going on deep down, or some characters stories had huge gaps even. Sure, it was not their story and we can be happy we even got something, but at some point I was kinda disappointed to be teased about a character and never get to find out what happened or how they felt. So I would have enjoyed an even longer book even if the one now was too long. Do you get what I mean? At the end of the day I can actually forget and forgive all except the fact that we never got to see some sides of Hua Cheng and had to read between the lines to understand his motives and feelings a little better. I need a whole book about him only to be honest. 

So my next bad thing, might actually be inaccurate if I’d knew more about Hua Cheng. This part is probably highly subjective, but I feel like Hua Cheng was not demonic enough. You know, in my head I pictured him to be a real demon, including the looks and what he is doing. How else would he become a demon king? I mean the looks were pretty much on point, I just feel like all the other characters either ignored it or didn’t care and the fandom just makes him look more like a human being. And yes he treats many badly, but in my opinion not bad enough. It feels like all his good deeds got more screen time and his bad deeds were either justified by something good or not really shown.

Not sure if it was only my short attention span or if that was the case, but I felt like the living world was not described as good as the heaven and ghost city. 

Conclusion:

I would recommend this novel to everyone who wants to feel love, but is not afraid to hurt a LOT. If you are searching for a story with some human or heavenly goodness, good friendships, good families, just decent people, then this is not a book for you. Xie Lian is the only exception of course and he is worth every tear you are 100% going to shed.

Just go and read the book! Please. And come back to me and talk about it with me :)

[lids-flutter-open]

gay goth boy trans ftm4ftm story chapter 4 under cut. 

content warning: f*g used by gays in punk songs/underage substance use

Chapter 4

Goat Mansion already had a lot of people sitting outside when I got there, which was way too early. The sun was still on the edge of the horizon. I parked my car two streets away, since I don’t like being a designated driver for more than my friends. I walked over to the house, approaching from the street side, and saw the gaggle of people from half a block away. They were sitting on the sidewalk and gathered in a little circle near the fence that divides Goat Mansion space from the edge of the public lands by the train tracks. The teenage goth kids were fraternizing with some crust punks and some people who might have been homeless teenagers from the group that lives in the train tunnel downtown. I didn’t recognize anyone, which made sense because OVID was coming from out of town so probably brought out different fans. One of the teenage goth kids had a thing of cheap boxed red wine but had taken the wine bag out of the box and was passing it around to her friends, having everyone chug, shouting BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD. One of the girls with her let the wine overflow her mouth and run down to soak into her black mesh shirt. They were all about my age or a little younger. I thought it looked like fun, but I don’t like drinking, so I didn’t get too close as I made my way around the house to the back. I knew people would be starting a bonfire. 

Bonfires in late summer are hard, because lately there’s been a burn ban for longer and longer into the autumn. This September, there hadn’t been enough rain to totally put everyone in the clear. And nobody wants to start a wildfire. But Goat Mansion has a rock pit that’s pretty big, and it’s easy to put out the fire with sand and water if it gets too much or starts sparking. When I got there, Acorn was piling the logs up and working with a piece of flint to spark it. Xie doesn’t use any gasoline because, again, too much risk for a big burn that gets out of control. 

“Hey,” I said to Acorn. “Seen anyone from Rocketpizza yet?”

Acorn turned. “Oh, hey, James,” xie said. Xie nodded hir head towards the sliding doors at the back of the house. “Just Ian. I think he was with Ken earlier, but Ken said something about 4Lokos and walked to the store and hasn’t come back.”

“Who’s buying Ken 4Lokos? That sounds like a bad start to the night,” I said. “Has anyone here brought up that sober space thing they’re trying at Fleur’s North? Suggested having a sober only show sometimes?”

“No, we’ve always kinda been a party house. Not likely to change. Somewhere needs to be messy. People don’t like it, they move. Why?”

“There’s definitely some visible and intense public underage drinking happening out front right now.”

“Shit,” Acorn said. “Is it those goth kids?” Xie pushed hir hair out of hir eyes. Acorn has really long hair and a beard that increases in both length and glossy volume every time I see hir.  Xie wears mascara to shows. Tonight xie had on a Carly Rae Jepsen shirt and a plaid skirt. 

“Yeah,” I said. “Nobody from Compton, but definitely under eighteen. You want me to go tell them to come back here and be more discreet?”

“Just like, get them some water and tell them to chill. They’re gonna pass out before the show even starts, or start moshing and hurting someone. I hate when there’s too many teens at shows. No offense,” xie added. “I forget you’re a teen because you’re chill.”

“I don’t drink much. If I did I’d probably be rowdier. It is a teen band tonight. Or like, two, actually. With Quince Quest.”

“Maybe I’ll make some food and cultivate a chill pre-show vibe and get some calories in the kids. Some bread. It’s not that I don’t want them to enjoy music.” Acorn prodded the little fire that was starting in the pit. “Just like, read the agreements for the space that we put on all the doors of the space, you know?”

The agreements, for Goat Mansion, on all the doors, were as follows:

NO NAZIS OR RAPISTS.

DO NOT fucking come to a show looking to start a fucking fight. 

NO COPS

Don’t get fucking wasted before 10 PM. 

Don’t touch anyone without asking

NO SMOKING OR DRINKING ON THE STOOP. Come to the backyard.

DO NOT MESS AROUND ON THE STREET! Come to the backyard.

IF YOU MAKE A MESS HELP CLEAN IT.

IF THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER, OR THE TOILET FLOODS, PLEASE YELL FOR ASSISTANCE. DO NOT SNEAK AWAY. 

FOR REAL ABSOLUTELY NO DRINKING OR SMOKING ON STOOP. FOR REAL. THERE IS A BACKYARD.

It was a pretty concise list that covered most things that anyone cared about. And it was pretty easy to follow, though of course I had no way of knowing if any nazis or rapists ignored the first bullet point. 

I went around the corner of the house and into the kitchen. I filled a big old plastic pitcher that seemed relatively clean with tap water and grabbed a sleeve of plastic cups from under the sink. I knew where everything was here, even though I didn’t have any friends who lived here any more except Acorn. Last year I had been the one to clean the kitchen for the first time in a decade and stock it with plastic cups. If you don’t have cups everyone ends up drinking out of the tap like dogs or just getting disgustingly dehydrated. 

“Hey,” I called to the goth kids, stepping out on the front porch, “You all look like you might need some water soon.”

“Thanks,” the mesh shirt girl said. 

“You’re starting early. Can you bring the party around back? We don’t like annoying neighbor people too much. They call the cops sometimes,” I said. “There’s more room back there, too.” I felt okay bossing them because none of the goth kids would have the nerve to question the authority of someone who was wearing safety pin earrings like they were. 

“No problem,” the girl holding the blood bag of wine said. She giggled to her friends, probably about how messy they were being. 

I sat around with the goths by the smoking baby bonfire and smoked a bowl alone before I saw Ian. He was walking quickly around the corner of the house, looking like the human embodiment of that cat meme where the cat is grimacing. I got up and jogged after him. 

“What’s the deal with Ken?” I asked, catching him by the elbow. “Heard he like left and didn’t come back?”

“Don’t fucking ask,” Ian said. He had glitter makeup on, which I thought was cute, if a little 2012. He looked really good. “Ken’s fucking gone as far as I’m concerned. Which is whatever. We knew this day was coming.”

“Wait, Rocketpizza is still performing, right?”

“Yeah,” Ian said. “Some kid from Centralia who’s playing drums for Quince Quest is here, she said she’d do drums for me.  We went over the basic stuff with the songs earlier. She can’t be any worse than Ken would be. He was getting plastered at noon when I went over there today. I have no idea where he is.”

“Dude, that fucking sucks,” I said. 

“I mean, you guys were all absolutely correct about him. I’m stressed right now but I’ll be fine.”

“Where’s swimmer boy?”

“We broke up.”

“Shit, dude.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it. I’ll process with you tomorrow.”

“You need help with merch?”

“Yes, absolutely. Later, though. No point right now. After the show. Right now we’re doing music setup shit since we’re on first.”

“At least you’ll have a crowd.”

“These druggy Seattle kids?” Ian rolled his eyes.

“They’re just drunk. I’m working on hydrating them.”

The sun was going down, and more people were arriving. I put Ian’s merch in a taped up box underneath the table by the door that had been set up to collect people’s pay-what-you-can donations to Goat Mansion. I wanted to talk to him more, but it was clear that wasn’t gonna happen. I sat with the table. Acorn was drawing smiley faces on the hands of people who paid. People who didn’t pay and didn’t get smiley faces wouldn’t get kicked out, but they might get snarked at by someone if they were being obnoxious and they wouldn’t be allowed to drink any house alcohol. Everyone expected the show to start one to three hours after the posted start time, but everyone turned up at the time on the posters anyway to smoke or catch up with people or drop their backpacks and walk eighteen blocks away to the store to buy beer. The sun slanted through the windows like liquid gold and someone put a VHS of Fire Walk With Me on in the living room, where it already smelled like cigarettes. It was all cis men in there, who seemed like they all knew each other and might be shitheads, so I stayed outside once the merch was set up. Everyone in the backyard was vivid shades of gold and pink and brown against the bright green of the trees. The smoke was rising more and more out of the fire pit. That was when I saw the guy from King David’s. Orsino. He was getting out of a pickup truck.

His hair was still fucked up and wispy orange and crackly from bleach, and he had a fucked up little mustache still, but he was wearing a different stupid shirt. This one was black, had a big gray alien head on it, and it said ROSWELL. It was tighter around his chest and stomach and arms than the dolphin shirt had been at the diner. He was wearing ripped up pants that terminated just below his knee. They looked like they’d been chewed by dogs. His calves were thick and covered in dark hair. He had on hiking boots with wool socks. He didn’t see me. As soon as he got out of the car, he turned back and started talking to someone on the driver’s side of the car. He was still somewhere between pretty hot and extremely hot. 

I saw the person get out on the other side of the car and realized that it was Jukebox. Jukebox had a guitar case with them and stuck around for just a second before heading into the garage, where I knew that Ian was setting up. Orsino said something to them and then walked toward the house, lighting a cigarette as he went.

I wondered what Orsino’s personality was like. I didn’t know Orsino at all. But I felt something about him already—something sort of like what Therese feels for Carol when she first sees Carol in The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith or Carol (2015). When her eyes go wide and she knows it doesn’t matter what happens next, because the important thing has already happened. She’s seen her. Or maybe that was dramatic, but like, I was a little stoned. I wondered if I should go say hi. 

“James!” Opal shouted at me from across the yard. 

I looked over to see Opal and Barb and Goober coming towards me, accompanied by a dude I didn’t know. Opal was wheeling their chair over the mangled grass. I hoped that there weren’t any nails around that might puncture the tires.

“Oh hey,” I said, waving. 

“Jamie!” Barb rushed in and gave me a hug. She has pink short hair and lots of sun freckles and deep wrinkles around her eyes. If you ignore her skin, she looks like she’s about sixteen. She’s always sort of manic and I think she’s really smart but you probably have to wait until four in the morning for her to start talking about smart people things. She reminds me of a version of my mom that took up dance and punk music and boxing instead of becoming a teacher. 

“This is Duke,” Opal said, raising an eyebrow and gesturing to the man. I looked up at him. He didn’t look trans. He had a really curly head of long back hair and a thick beard and a lot of tattoos and smiley eyes. He looked like a biker that a country singer would date.

“Sup,” Duke said. “Nice to meet you.”

“You’re meeting everyone tonight,” Goober said, throwing her blond hair over one shoulder. “James works at Compton House too, with the teen council thing.”

“Hey Duke,” I said. “Nice to meet you. You like OVID?” I gave him a man handshake, with a firm grip. He looked like he would respect that.

“Yeah, since they got started I’ve come to almost every show,” Duke said. “Me and Stacey go way back.”

“Barb used to date Stacey, right?” I asked. “Is that how you guys know each other?” I wasn’t going to allude to the fact that Barb and Duke were fucking. 

“Kind of,” Barb said. She sat down on a stump next to me. “I love that we’re all here at this show together. I feel a great kind of continuity.” She grinned up at Duke, who looked at her with the most disgustingly lovey gaze I have ever seen in this world. I looked at Opal, who shrugged. 

“You seen Ian yet?” I asked Opal. 

“No. What’s up?” Opal could tell in my voice that something was wrong. 

“Ken is drunk somewhere and Ian is gonna do the show with a replacement drummer,” I said. 

“What? Who?”

“Some kid from the other band. Quince Quest.”

“The fuck he is. I’m gonna drum for him. I have to join his band,” Opal said. They started rolling their chair backward and pivoting it toward the garage.

“Maybe later,” I said. “Not tonight. He’s stressed. Swimmer boy troubles. Drummer troubles. Too much. He’ll snap at you.”

“I know his songs, dude,” Opal said. “I know he’s stressed, but I can do it better than a quince kid. I’ve been practicing on the drums at Barb’s.” 

“Do you need help getting to the garage?” I asked. There was a lot of gravel between here and there.

“I’m good, dude.” Opal turned away from me, and I felt a little abandoned.

“Do you want backup?”

“Let them go talk to him,” Goober said. “You’ll be all touchy feely and Opal will just boss him. That’s what he needs.”

“You said it,” Opal yelled over their shoulder. 

Duke turned to me. His eyes were irrepressibly crinkly. “So James. Barb talks about you and Opal and Compton House all the time. How long have you been on the Compton House teen council? What do you think of it?”

I shrugged. I didn’t want to give this guy too much of a leg up on the competition if he was really applying to be director. “I mean, it’s very important. We did an awareness training for a church two weeks ago about mental health and teens. I feel like I’m connected to local politics and stuff, even if it means I know the dirt about everyone.”

Barb laughed. 

“You remind me of me. I was involved in the first committee for Ladyfest when it happened here in 2000,” Duke said. “I was on security. I sat in on all the meetings for planning.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “Continuity.” 

I looked away from Duke and Barb, hoping they’d see someone they knew and go talk to them. 

***

It was two hours later when word spread slowly through the mass of people that the show was starting. The sun had gone down and I had three mosquito bites, even though it should have been too cold. There was standing water in one of the barrels behind Goat Mansion, and that always meant the mosquitos survived longer here than anywhere. Everyone but me was getting drunk. I hadn’t gotten any closer to Orsino, though he’d caught my eye just before everyone went down to the garage and crowded in through the single side door. I thought I saw him smile, but I could have been wrong. 

The room was dark and ugly and packed. There are lights on the stage and then a tangle of wires near the stage that some fire safety expert was supposed to probably evaluate at some point after the Ghost Ship fire, but I don’t think it ever happened. There’s a lot of random piles of shit near the door that should be a main point of egress, and people sit on it like it’s benches at a ball game. It’s definitely not structurally stable. The lights that shine down on the tiny little stage are beautiful. Tonight there was pink and red gels over them, so it looked like a sex party or a weird pretty Hell. 

Ian was wearing his fishnet arm wraps, a lot of glitter, and Goober’s leather miniskirt that that she’d worn to Pride in June. His wrists were covered in bangles. His chest was bare. His hair was sort of flopping over his face. He was fumbling with a lot of wires onstage. Opal was behind the drums. I hadn’t actually heard Opal play before, since they’d only started after they moved to Barb’s house. I didn’t know if they were good or not, but I guessed that they might be if they were going up. Opal was pretty clear-headed and wouldn’t put themselves on the spot if they thought they’d fail. Devon had on his normal clothes and looked pissed as fuck, but he was tuning his bass just the same. 

“ROCKETPIZZA!!!!!” Barb yelled. Some of the goths yelled too, as did the cis men who had been watching a movie inside. There were suddenly a lot of people around me, and I was worried about my feet getting stepped on by the dudes with the steel toed boots. I’m not dumb enough to wear non-sturdy footwear to a show, but I’m small.

Ian looked into the crowd, squinting. I don’t know if he knows Barb’s voice well enough to recognize a screech. He dropped some wires and stepped to the mic. 

“HEY BITCHES AND BABES AND FAGGOTS,” he yelled into the crowd. His voice got soft on the last word. There was a mix of cheers and uncomfortable muttering. Ian was oblivious to the latter. “HOW ARE YOU DOING?”

Barb and Duke both bellowed at the stage, incoherent jumbled exuberance. Old punks at least know how to bellow. 

“I’LL TELL YOU HOW I’M DOING,” Ian yelled into the mic, which twanged painfully over the speakers. “MY BOYFRIEND AND I JUST BROKE UP AND I LOST MY OLD DRUMMER BECAUSE HE IS A DUMBASS.”

There were some confused boos and apologetic noises, particularly from the goths near the front of the stage. All the teen goths were pretty far gone. I saw one of them swaying in her heels.

“BUT THAT IS OKAY,” Ian continued. “ROCKETPIZZA DIED TONIGHT. I LOOK GREAT. OPAL LOOKS GREAT ON DRUMS. GIVE IT UP FOR OPAL.”

I yelled at the top of my lungs, feeling like it was a kind of weird ecstatic prayer. The guy with a beard next to me moved away from me in surprise.

“WE ARE A NEW GROUP NOW. OUR NAME IS MISS SAN JUAN AND THE DUSTIES. YOU’RE HERE TO WITNESS THE BIRTH OF A GOOFY NEW QUEERCORE BAND. ISN’T THAT EXCITING?”

Ian was good at riling up a crowd. People were getting more interested in this seventeen year old twink yelling at them. 

“ALSO YOU WILL PROBABLY WITNESS THE DEATH OF MY VOCAL CHORDS BECAUSE I AM ABOUT TO SCREAM MY GUTS OUT. THIS IS A NEW SONG. IT IS CALLED FOOLSLUT IN RETROGRADE.” Ian shook his head and smiled and blinked in the way that had made me fall sort of in love with him when we were fifteen. 

The drunk baby goths went hog wild, and I screamed at the top of my lungs again and whistled through the gap in my teeth, like my grandmother had taught me to do when I was five.

Then Ian opened his mouth to sing. 

(insert here: a piece of torn notebook paper, with the title: FOOLSLUT IN RETROGRADE LYRICS)

THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SHAKE ME 

FROM THE POOL OF BLACK INK

ATOP YOUR FIRE ESCAPE

I BREATHE IN THE STINK

OF YOUR SMELLY BALLS

I FEEL NOTHING AT ALL 

THE PLANETS WERE ALIGNED

NOW WE’RE BADLY COMBINED

SOLO QUIERO LLEVAR TUS BRAGAS

SOLO QUIERO TOCAR TU BOCA

SOLO QUIERO TENER TUS LLAGAS

PARA TERMINAR ESTA EPOCA

I’M IN PAIN I’M INSANE

WE ARE SMASHING THE WORLD

I’M IN PAIN I’M INSANE

YOUR DEPRESSED BITCH GIRL

BOY 

SHUT UP YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING

BOY

SHUT UP YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING

FILL MY MIND WITH SMOKE 

SMOKE IT IN YOUR BONG

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE

SO LONG SO LONG

WE DON’T WANT IT OR NEED IT

I NEED YOU TO BEAT IT

END THE WORLD

END THE WORLD

END THE WORLD

FUCK 

(end paper)

When Ian’s set ended fifteen minutes later, the pit had fully opened up. 

People were swaying and had been punching and pushing into each other. I’d gotten slammed against the wall twice and had been shoved into someone’s armpit four times. Which was like, not normal for an opening band. Usually people just stood awkwardly staring with their PBRs in their hands, rocking a little or jamming their heads if the band was good. But some combination of everyone already being wasted and of Opal’s drumming—which was actually really good—and of Ian jumping fully into the air…everyone got electrified somehow. I felt my B.O swelling up toward the ceiling with everyone else’s and the heat from us all supercharging the air like it was some kind of ancient magically charged sweat house made of old cedar in the deep wilderness of the Russian steppe. Ian’s glitter was dripping down his chest in waves. I felt my own shirt soaking with the sweat. My lungs hurt from yelling, and I was reeling still. I watched Ian turn and unplug his amp and walk offstage just before the crush of bodies trying to get out into the cold air totally obscured my view of him. I tried to keep my head above the crowd, thanking god that I wasn’t super sensitive to noise, smells, or sensory overstimulation.

“That was incredible,” a voice behind me said. I didn’t recognize it. I turned slightly. Jukebox January was behind me, smiling. Their chin hairs were darker than I remembered them.  They were shorter than me. They had smudged pink eyeliner in one long band around their eyes. Their shirt was torn so I could see one of their nipples through the fabric.

“Yeah,” I said. “It got so hot in here so fast. We gotta wait a bit for the air to cool down before yours, huh.”

“That set!” Jukebox exclaimed. “Like, that was phenomenal! So good and raw but also like, they’re real! They’re so good. We gotta get this kid a record deal so fast if he wants to sell out! He’s your friend, right?”

I smiled. I felt so happy for Ian. He loved OVID. Tonight had been hard, but it was going to turn out so good for him.  “Yeah,” I said. “I’m James. We go to school together. I’ve known him a long ass time. He’s so good.”

“What’s going on with the band?” Jukebox asked. Their teeth were all showing in their smile. “Some shuffling stuff? Do you think the current situation will hold together? They literally sounded so so good.”

“I literally don’t even know,” I said. “But he loves you, he loves OVID. Like he and his  followed you to the Gorge this summer and then down to the Bay when you were on tour. You should talk to him.” I was glad I was able to be so chill when my heart was pounding into my ears from the adrenaline. 

“Let’s go,” Jukebox said. “I gotta touch base with my bandmates in a second but I wanna give him props. What’s his full name? Does he go by Miss San Juan? Or she?”

“Ian,” I said. “Ian Arroyo. And he uses he/him, at least for now.”

“Cool. What about you?”

“James,” I said. I led Jukebox out into the yard. The cool night air with the smell of decay and everything hit my skin and my mouth all at the same time. It was a second before I saw Ian over by the truck with Opal in the dark. Opal was smoking, and Ian was moving something in the bed of the truck. I screamed loud and high pitched as we got close so he could hear me. 

“That was incredible, bitch!” 

Ian turned. He smiled weakly. “I’m so so so shaking,” he yelled back. His bare chest was getting goosebumps in the cold. He was so beautiful. 

“Look who I brought,” I yelled, thrusting a thumb back at Jukebox, who lifted a hand in greeting. Ian stood up immediately. He leapt over the side of the truck bed to land on both feet in the gravel in front of us. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hey,” Jukebox said. “That was incredible. I wanted to make sure you knew. I’m Jukebox.”

“I know,” Ian said. “I can’t wait for your set. I’m so so tired but I’m gonna stay here till the end.”

“I literally haven’t ever played drums live before,” Opal said.

“You were great for all that,” Jukebox said.

I turned away from them and turned toward the bonfire. I tried to make out through the dark who was still here that I knew. People were dancing a little near the fire and there was a cluster of lit cigarette ends floating in the shadows just beyond my field of vision.

“Come hang out with me,” Jukebox was saying to Ian. “My friends are over here. My girlfriend Robin was loving your set too, but she has issues with moshing so had to step out when it got intense. Someone threw a bottle and it nearly hit her.”

“Oh, that sucks,” Opal said. 

We moved over toward the patch of the yard where Jukebox’s friends were. I could smell the smoke and the blackberries and the wood and sweat and smoke and I felt like I was still on some kind of crazy high. Orsino was sitting there, like I knew he would be. There was a space next to him on the log he was sitting on. He looked up and smirked at me and I sat down next to him without a second thought. 

[barre2barresg]

The Barre 2 Barre Academy Diaries: Magdalane Xie & Lynette Chan (Part III)

Today’s blog post features an interview with two of our loyal and passionate barrerinas, Magdalene Xie and Lynette Chan. Magdalene and Lynette attended Barre 2 Barre’s recent Thailand Teacher Training Retreat and reflect on the deep physical and mental work they underwent there and their transformational experience. Our next teacher training is coming soon, from June 8th to 11th in Taiwan (in Mandarin Chinese)! Early bird prices are available until May 8th. Read on for inspiration, and see if you too would like to earn a BarreAmped certification this June!

Tell us about your journey with barre and towards attending teacher training with Barre 2 Barre.

Magdalene: I haven’t been the sporty or fit type for most of my life - just slightly lucky to be slim and tall enough for people to assume I don’t need to workout to stay in shape. When you get older, however, being fit is about so much more than looking a certain way. My grandmother and mum do not have the best postures, and I’ve seen how it inconveniences their daily lives. Now, I’m just working towards being healthy and strong so that I am able to enjoy everything that I want to.

I’ve become more aware of having the right form and applying what I have learned in barre to my everyday life (for example, not putting extra pressure on my spine by overarching my lower back to cause pain and discomfort over time).

Lynette: I started ballet lessons at the age of six and continued dancing into my early twenties, which led to lower back pain even after I stopped, probably due to bad form and insufficient emphasis on core-strengthening. When I discovered barre as a workout a few years ago, I was thrilled to return to something somewhat familiar, yet still new and challenging! One class led to another and my interest in the BarreAmped technique grew because of its emphasis on form, alignment, and precision. When the teacher training was announced, I signed up for it wanting to enhance my own knowledge of the method.

What new and useful discoveries did you make about yourself and/or your barre practice at the Koh Samui teacher training?

Magdalene: Everyone’s range of movement is different due to each individual’s body/bone structure, and I’ve learned to push myself to my own limitations. I’ve always known the core holds up our trunk and that having a strong core is important, but I learned that it is also what stabilizes the spine, glutes, pelvic floor, and so much more. We need a balance of both front and back body strength in order for our spine to maintain it’s optimal position. These are facts I wouldn’t have known had I not attended the teacher training!

Lynette: One of the main things I've learned is that being a barre instructor is not easy (don’t take your instructors for granted haha)! From giving the right cues to spotting and correcting bad form, teachers’ skills rely not only on experience, but also on a tremendous wealth of knowledge, which the BarreAmped method has strong foundations in. I became more aware of my own form and understood the barre exercises I have been practicing on a much deeper level, in relation to human anatomy.

What were the highlights of your experience at the Teacher Training?

Magdalene: Anatomy workshops with Steve (our demo skeleton)!

An island snorkeling trip at Koh Tan Island!

TRX class!

The NON-HEALTHY fun dinner at Four Seasons Resorts after we completed our Level 1 exam!

The AM S.I.L.E.N.T T.I.M.E

The bunch of uniquely fabulous ladies who got confused between knee-ups and seated chair!

(in no particular order)

I could go on!

Lynette: There were so many highlights! What I loved most, though, was the sense of community and comradery that developed quickly yet firmly during the trip. Some of us still make it a point to meet for dinner, drinks, and brunch from time to time, and go for classes at Barre 2 Barre together when we can.

What are your future goals with barre and Barre 2 Barre? What does your barre practice mean to you?

Magdalene: I want to continue to deepen my knowledge of barre for my own education and maybe even share with others what I’ve learned one day. I’ve discovered my barre practice to be my only personal time where I experience my mind listening to my body and I’m fully aware and present. I’ve never felt that with any other practice so far.

Lynette: My next goal would be to do my apprenticeship and proceed to the next level of teacher training, so that I can deepen my understanding of BarreAmped and the quality of my instruction. When I started barre, I never thought I would take my practice as seriously as I do now, but my barre journey has come to represent my own personal growth. I look forward to my barre classes as time that I carve out for myself, to strengthen myself both physically and mentally.