#and our ramen isnt the best

[empresskadia]

You know what's a crazy concept to me now that I think about

That people actually read my tags???

Like all my unhinged simping, thoughts, and absolute filth that goes through my brain go there and people read that....

Yes, I'm delusional as hell, and yes, my coworker tells me I need professional help 😌

[mihai-florescu]

Ive been on this account for 10 years and i wanted to remember the times i've met with people tumblr has brought into my life since my early teen years. I may not talk to some anymore (not for any particular reason, we just grew apart) but i still treasure our memories and wish them the best!

-Alex, whom i met through our shared love of musicals when she was still in middle school. We're from the same city and met to go to the theatre, and she has been my irl ever since to the point i forget this is how we met actually. As time went on we did develop a bunch of irl school and extracurricular acquaintances, i dont think any of them know how we actually met lol. Actually maybe one person, whom i also met through tumblr but she went to my high school so im not sure if it counts... if it does add her to the list too. She gave me her copy of radio silence in the early days of the pandemic and i shared loveless with her (i didnt really like the latter:/)

-India, my first internet friend. We had been friends for years and at 16 i flew with my mom to ireland for a few days to see wicked together. See how it all goes back to musicals for me... she now works in theatre and im so happy seeing the occasional instagram story, even if we eventually grew apart. I think about you a lot

-Maura, whom I started talking to while living in the US, and asked if she'd like to drive from west virginia to dc while i was on a trip. Her mom was outside in the car iirc, i infiltrated her into my hotel room, and we just chatted for a bit until the chaperones came to check and lock us in... i hid her in the bathroom, and then snuck her out with a hood on while the chaperones were talking to the room next to ours right before sticking those papers into the door that would tell them in the morning if anyone opened it overnight. The random girls i was paired to share a room with thought it was creepy im bringing a stranger to the room but like... tsk, you just dont get it. She's not a stranger, she's a mutual. Go back to breaking up with your american boyfriend over the phone.

-Anna, who saw I was depressed on main 2 years ago and said she'll come to my city to buy me bubble tea. And then we walked around and had ramen too and i learned she was skipping school to be here. A lovely day in an otherwise shitty semester.

-Moth, probably the only person you'd know if you follow me for enstars since, well, they're the himeruP mutual ever. Fun geography fact, belgium isnt a real country, it's just a backdrop for us to hang out. They build it up and tear it down just for us every time. They have such a nice handmade crazyb jacket and the enstars bible book is still my most treasured possession.

I think that is it? If i missed anyone i'm very sorry... here's to 10 years more? Maybe i should keep this for my exact blog anniversary in september... maybe i'll get to add to it by then?

EDIT I FORGOT SCHOOL ANON. Anon who goes to my uni and then we happened to share a course a few months later and finally met and we're irls now:)

[tuxedokit-thoughts]

i want to kill myself

im not going to, but mom says i should write my feelings out. says itll help me feel better

and. i mean. i know its worked before. i have this whole thing to prove it

see even just tryping that much helped a little. at least enough that ny urges are back in the harm territory and not in yhe kill territory. which isnt great. but. yknow. ill take what i can get? i guess?

i dont know anymore. it feels like theres this gaping hole in my chest, and everything i have and everything i am is just pouring and pouring and pouring out of it until there is nothing. i dont want to be nothing.

but maybe it would be easier than this

i hardly got out of bed today. i didnt get dressed, i only ate because my brother was so gracious as to bring me a bowl of canned chicken noodle soup. he put a little rosemary in it, "to make it fancy," he said. it wasnt perfection, but it was the best goddamn soup i had ever tasted in that moment. he used the last clean bowl for it. its his favourite too, a kirby themed ramen bowl with holes for chopsticks and everything.

chicken noodle isnt even my favourite soup. fi think its just. how loved i felt? when he carried that bowl into our cramped little room from our cramped little living room.

i was standing like. an hour ago? and he asked me to try to clean a bowl for him. (he does all the household chores, save for dishes. we both hate them, but i can barely do shit else, so one really shitty chore is better than a mountain of decent ones)

i took one look at our sink, so full of dirty shit you can hardly see the faucet, and i tyrned around and let myself fall limp, face first on my bed.

i put the blanket over my feet, so that if he came in he wouldnt have to see them (even the thought of feet disgusts him, i think)

he did come in, but i dont think he realized how hard it had been for me to even do that. i think all he saw was a whiny, ungrateful, pathetic mound of flesh under a blanket. someone so useless it couldnt even clean a single bowl for him without falling apart.

i heard him clean his own bowl. i have never felt so guilty for doing absolutely fucking nothing.

he already puts up with so much shit from me. im a drug addicted, mentally unstable, sorry excuse for a person.im trying, god im trying so fucking hard, but every day is harder than the last, it seems.

still. he deserves better than this.i dont know why he bothers.

... i keep finding myself scratching my cat scratches from earlier today. it stings. i feel like i deserve it.

i know thats not true. but honestly? scratching at my hand and wrist is better than actually doing something, right? its just a sting on fresh skin. no blood, no fresh wounds. just the pain thats already there. just poking at my bruises so i feel something other than this crushing despair

god. i cant believe i said that. i mean thats a totally normal thing to say in a crisis. ive just soiled my mind with references and medias and now i cant be normal about anything haha

anyway

uh

yeah.

...

i still hate myself. but. i guess this helped me stop crying as much? i dont know. i dont know anything anymore

thats not true

i know my wrist hurts. like a cat scratch, it stings on the back, mostly because thats what it was, at first. from where both my cats claws and my own found themselves digging into my skin, i can feel a bump when i glide my finger over it. and every time the pain gets too dull, too quiet, i let my nail return to its little groove and pull, just for a moment.

i know my heart hurts. like i have been carved open, my contents unceremoniously dumped on the floor. my blood spills out on the floor over my organs and my thoughts, and as i try to clean it up the lead in my veins says stop. and so i lay there, on the ground, next to the contents of the person i have become. it is all blackened by tar and resin.

i know that every breath i have taken today has felt like a chore. like slogging out of bed at 5:45 in the morning to get ready for school, knowing i wont learn shit because all my energy will be focused on holding myself together, or at least keeping myself from shattering altogether. ill just slog through another page of the textbook, wondering why i bothered when i couldve just stayed home.

i know i am loved. even if i dont feel it. even if i dont deserve it.

i know i never had a choice in any of this

...

i know that. for now. ill keep dragging myself out of bed. keep breathing. scratch my wrist so i dont cut it.

and maybe tomorrow ill apologize to everyone whos had to put up with me

{16/11/2023}

[angelzombiepirate]

dam meltdam

went to amsterdam last week, didn't smoke, i green when im not tucked up in my bed like a victorian child on cocaine :3

e and i stayed on a boat, which would move during the day, our first day, it was docked next to the nemo, cute, easy to get to centraal and back. the second day, we hopped off next to the nemo and waved goodbye as it sailed away (im lying, we didnt do that).

we made plans for the evening while wandering the streets of dam, we planned to seek out the boat, make sure we are absolutely sure on how to get there before we return back to central to see a drag show and get pissed.

we check the map and its a little out of our way, in zaandam, no matter, we will hop on the train! because we have three day passes for all public transport in amsterdam! hurrah!

we arrive at the station and i joke: "oh my god, imagine our tickets don't work because we are outside of amsterdam."

e and i lol nervously.

we get to the ticket barriers, take a deep breath, place our tickets against the scanner...

the scanner will light up either green or red.

the milliseconds feel like millennias.

and...

FUCK

okay, it's fine, we can use our cards, i put my phone against the scanner and again,

CHRIST

the screen reads something like "didn't work, ur card isn't registered, twat"

okay, fuck you.

thankfully there are some other brits on our side of the barriers in the same situation, it would be great if the ticket machine were working, but we can't figure it out, even with our combined brainpower.

we consider jumping the barriers, but there is a very intimidating dutch woman sitting at a desk, we could ask her for help, but there is a glass fucking wall between us, and when we tap on it and do some mime for 'please help, our tickets aren't working and neither is your machine' she just shruggs and looks away.

right.

we stand like lemons for a while, gauging the hight of the barriers, to see if they're jumpable, but i'm not very agile at the best of times, and i have a heavy backpack on, and my feet are screaming for me to SIT DOWN.

by the grace of god, some tall, blonde, dutch angel hears our dillema, and scans his ticket, to let us all through.

BEDANKT!

we part ways with our fellow helpless brits and find the courage to speak to the scary dutch train lady that is no longer behind the wall of glass.

"our tickets didnt work"

"can i see the ticket"

"yeah sure"

this lady looked me in the eye and tore my 30 euro ticket clean in half.

im lying

she informed us that we should have gotten the amsterdam and reigon ticket instead, it would've cost the same amount, and gotten us into zaandam.

"can we buy them here?"

"you can, but it would be cheaper for you to just buy a return ticket back to amsterdam, if you buy the reigon ticket now, you'll be paying double"

guys?? the train service isnt exploiting us??

we thank her, she wasn't as mean as she looked. we decided to just find the boat, and buy our tickets on the way back to dam for the evening.

zaandam felt weird, i suddenly felt out of place, the looks i was getting in amsterdam were not like the looks i was getting here.

zaandam was less tourist heavy i suppose, and being a queer man with blue hair and pronouns felt a little unsafe.

we found an albert heijn. e and i loved albert heijn for some reason. we mooched and looked for something to eat, and left with a couple drinks, deciding maybe we should eat at the ramen place we passed before coming into the shop.

my feet hurt a bit. quite a lot actually.

we stand at the door of the ramen place, looking over the menu and prices, e says that maybe we shouldn't go back into dam tonight, the train was a bit of a pain in the arse. i'm fine with that, we can just go and sit on the boat for the evening and chill.

we wait to order at the ramen place, there are some loud kids to the left of me and a family on my right, and the sound of chairs scraping the floor.

oh, the staff are packing up the chairs, they are closing.

that's fine, we can just go back to the supermarket and get a microwave meal to make on the boat.

my feet really fucking hurt.

i'm looking for something to eat but there's nothing i recognise, nothing i really fancy, im hungry but i want something i know.

e is looking at all the different sausages, she likes cooking, she knows a lot about good food.

i look around the shop probably three times, and land on a can of pringles at last.

dinner!

we walk to the checkout, e walks, i hobble, my feet are killing me.

we put our stuff on the conveyor and i beckon e to move towards me a little, there is a man who wants to put his stuff down also.

"what? do you want to talk to me?"

oh, e sounds angry.

"there's a guy there, i just wanted you to move out of his way."

beep, beep, beep.

stupid fucking scanners.

e sighs and moves.

"why are you being so rude?" i ask, with tears in my eyes.

"what?"

i turn away, i don't usually cry in dutch supermarkets, i don't want anyone to see.

i hold out a 10 euro banknote, "can you pay please?"

"yeah"

e pays and we leave, i step out the door and i sob.

im breathing really weird and e isnt being rude, i don't know if she was ever being rude.

"you okay?"

"can we go and sit on that bench?"

"yeah"

e gives me a weird 'i dont know what to do' hug.

i explain a little, e isnt autistic, so she doesn't quite understand, and that makes me feel a little shit.

but other than that, i feel a little better.

i explain that while its all fine, i'm just having a hard time adjusting to things, we are in an unfamiliar place, i feel unsafe, i'm in pain, dinner plans changed, evening plans changed, e's demeanour changed.

"we can just sit here for a while. then we can go back to the boat and chill."

"yeah."

i get over it pretty quickly, albeit feeling pretty exhausted, on top of the exhaustion i was already feeling.

and e and i get back to the boat.

we sit on top of the boat, have dinner, and do some colouring. (we found a funky colouring book in flying tiger)

THE END

[alexin-wonderlust]

Day 3 - Japan Blog - 9 February 2024 Asakusa and Shinjuku at Night

Its day 3 already and we still havent found ourself a mascot. This is uncalled for. First point of call is to find our lil guy; we have chosen; it has BEEN chosen. Racaccoonie. A cute little thankful Racoon. He's coming with us for the rest of our adventures.

Today is shrine and tradition day -- or something like that. I have stayed in Asakusa but never been to Senso-ji temple or the Markets. I thought that would be a cool place to take Ben and do some exploring. Senso-ji is a buddist temple, not a shinto shrine like what most people think of when a Japanese temple comes to mind. 

I am starting to feel very sick, super under the weather so I am on the cold and flu medication (not Codral, because thats a no-no here!!) and we must "soldier on". It was ramen time. Time to get spicy and blow this sickness out of my head -- we stumped across this chinese style noodles place and seriously, it was the BEST ramen we had on the trip. It was so different and tasty and really good. Every component was perfect and we both enjoyed it. Adding it to my "list of food places" straight away.

After walking around the shrine and the markets that lead there, I wanted to find the "photo spot" which was in the information centre. We found a spicy chicken fillet place, which was incredible -- despite my sore throat hating the spice... then we had warm strawberry "sake". We found ourself on Orange Street which had some really cool and funky shops including one with lots of video game collectables -- and the Sanrio Store. At the information centre, you can go to the top floor and get an amazing view of the shopping street, Nakamise-Dori which leads up to the temple.

After relaxing here and soaking up the view; we decided to head to our next destination. Shinjuku.

I wanted to check out the Kabukicho Tower which was recently opened in 2023.

It was appalling. I would never say this about anything in Japan but uou can almost tell its a failing system from the start. The food places are confusing, I didnt know where one started and the other ended. The staff were not helpful and I felt very "judged" being here; despite it being a very "touristy" venue. There was a DJ and "vibes" were "popping". But, prices were exuberant and food was basic.

We decided to go upstairs and see the arcade which the tower showcases. Prices, again, super high for an arcade centre. However, there was a good selection of Gacha (no Godzilla!!) so we spent a bit of time here. The games seemed "rigged" as it was harder to win prizes, and the video games only gave us one attempt; where as other venues have had 2 or 3 games per "session".

I quickly realised that this isnt the place to be, so we made our way back to the hotel so I could rest.

(NOTE: Don't leave it past midnight to catch the trains back to your hotel, as the last train from Shinjuku doesn't go to Shinagawa and you will have to get off and walk the rest of the way. Not ideal in the cold, wet, and while sick!!) ...

[kath-artic]

i think i figured it out.

my mom asked me what it is that i look for in people (specifically in reference to partners but i also think this broadly applies to people i enjoy most) and i talked about the intersection of caring, TRUE understanding, and fascination (those last two tend to go pretty hand in hand). i’ve had partners who have cared but could never understand and who held no mystery for me and partners who so deeply understood and fascinated me but just didnt have the space to care as much as they did (care being the quality that makes the thing last on their end while fascination is what makes things last on my end), but what it is exactly about certain people that makes them fascinating to me is hard to pin down. this is partly because i think all people are inherently interesting and have interesting things about them, but dear god do they play up the parts that are unbearably boring (and that in and of itself is kind of fascinating to me). i suppose the specific kind of fascination i look for comes from people who are distinct and who live. my friends back home are like this. my one friend is a painter and lives with her boyfriend in his mom’s apartment and his mom is a fashion designer and will let my friend add on to paintings she made when she was in design school and we’ll get together with our friend who does parkour and works in landscaping and breaks into construction zones and our friend who works in the local deli and is working on his own fashion brand and we smoke and we watch someone play re4 and then go out bowling or get ramen and play with roadkill. my friends from oregon who throw the most oregon-ish house parties and wear vintage suits and listen to prairie home invasion and do archaeology and constantly wanna go on a pilgrimage to any sort of hill and move like fucking cartoon characters and write parody beat poetry are also like this. there is something about them and their commitment to an idea and their capacity to just fucking live and be messy that i don’t find in people here at university and it is exactly what i need from people. i dont care about perfect morality or purity--i want the mess. obviously i think we should all strive to be the best we can and i have my own commitments to ideology, but i hate the need to make everything clean and simple and easy to swallow. i hate this optimized, advertiser-friendly, marketable version of living. i need someone who really fucking struggled but damn it they’re trying. my ex’s favorite book was winesburg ohio and i read it on his birthday after we broke up, but the concept of grotesque that it identifies is exactly it. people who are so fucking committed to some truth (maybe multiple) that it makes them grotesque. a desire to be distinct while still wanting to be a part of something bigger, a desire to be loved, anything. for me, my struggle is with truth itself as something that i believe both does and doesnt exist at least as we understand it. we concern ourselves so much with factual or philosophical or ideological truth, but this is inaccessible to us and maybe isnt even there. perhaps there is truth in wholly sacrificing the self and living through pure sensation, but what’s the value in that if you cant share it? for me, its the human truth that matters. communication isnt perfect and that sensory truth gets lost in translation, but the way we try to capture it and connect with one another and understand is EVERYTHING. story, metaphor, symbol. its EVERYTHING. we have gone so far down the ladder of language that we can no longer agree with one another on what even exists, but if we climb then we can find commonality and meaning in metaphor. obviously its a complicated issue in the modern identity-driven era where we’ve built a society that begs us to kill anything we may have once regarded as god, but i think its necessary to have faith in something yknow? post-structuralism has points and is totally more suited for an era where fluidity is more necessary, but i wonder if its actually attainable. we think in structure. we think in archetypes. we try to abandon or ignore them but they dont go away (and dont get me started on modern retellings of myths that ignore symbolism and turn them into character driven narratives. the death of metaphor makes me want someone dead) and really i think we need to try to understand them again and learn that they themselves are not rigid things and that subverting an existing archetype is meaningful and that they allow for a richness in fluidity. ANYWAY. point being i like people who just are. 

[thoughts-and-all-that]

my brother is such an entitled manbaby.

he constantly talks over everyone in any interaction and has to be right about everything because god forbid he be anything but an alpha.

i am literally afab and queer and this man has, on multiple occasions, tried to mansplain feminism and queer issues to me. i have dedicated many hours, days, weeks, months, years of my life to not only studying these two things but participating in that kind of life. im a feminist. im literally queer. i change my actions and wording to best fit because i know how important words can be. he talks just to talk.

ive barely seen him in months because hes always with his drama loving girlfriend, i mean, she literally defended the kardashians when i said they were garbage. she loves reality tv. she cant help but fight with another person whos usually in this house which is its own can of dumbass worms. shes nice to me but i barely know anything about her and i fear if i learn more ill probably hate her. i dont care that hes spending all that time with her, if it makes him happy, whatever. its just weird that ive basically said all of less than 100 words to him in months.

but honestly, even if we did hang out again, itll be the same song and dance as before. we only play what he plays. its only when he wants to cause god forbid he stop what hes doing for anyone else.

he says 'oh just come and hang out whenever!' but if i go down there he will just ignore me for his games and shit. god forbid he sacrifice a little of himself for me. ive been wanting to play the last chapter of a game with someone for months and hes the only person who ever played it with me and it takes ages in singleplayer. in another game he wont dare help me with a mission ive been needing done that i cant do on my own, cause it doesnt benefit him.

i dont think he even knows how to make more than a few dishes and he basically refuses to learn more, and i think ill probably see him dead before he dares make something that isnt ramen at home. he either eats out or insists our dad makes food and he throws a hissy fit if our dad doesnt make food or get food out.

man speaking of hissy fits, this man gets beyond pissed at every inconvenience. this is why hes a manbaby most of all. yelling, screaming, punching inanimate objects. he doesnt hurt other people directly but it ruins a mood pretty quick when someone throws a yelling tantrum over a game not working for 0.2 seconds.

he thinks the world revolves around him and refuses to entertain that maybe it doesnt. granted, our parents spoiled him when he was young, but i cant blame them. they went through something horrible around that time and simply didnt want him to suffer even though they were, and he still was cause it affected him too, but they didnt want that to ruin him. they were just trying their hardest to make sure he was happy.

its on him that hes an overgrown 12 year old. its on him that he doesnt dare take a look at himself and wonder if maybe he should tweak his personality just a little.

i say all of this over a seemingly petty recent happening, honestly.

i am miserable in my house. its a disgusting mess constantly and im always the one cleaning the worst parts aside from my dad and sometimes my other brother, though my other brother usually has to clean up after his kids, which is another point of frustration. i love those kids but its infuriating to deal with people who dont, and in this case, cant listen to you. theyre so young that english is mostly just sounds to them, theyre only just starting to learn how to speak. they cry over stupid shit, take off their diapers at every chance, and tear shit up. theyre the cause of most messes that arent in the kitchen, and even in the kitchen. outside of that stuff we are broke because of bullshit outside of our control, and i cant drive and dont have a job because im terrified that ill crash a car because its so overwhelming, or that getting a job will make me feel a way that i dont want to feel if i can help it, and i dont have any fucking real life friends, and barely any online ones anymore

all that to mean, i get no peace in my life. at every turn i run into something that makes me want to cry my eyes out and run away but theres no where i can run to. i hold tightly onto the smallest things that bring me relief, like my art, or the things i like to consume like shows and books and youtube videos about who knows what, and just. things i can control even a little. my room is the cleanest in the house in pretty much every aspect and i keep it that way with an iron fist.

and, to be gross, its nice to sit on the toilet and stare at my phone in the morning for a few minutes in a usually warm room that has very little going on (the most happening is trash on the floor.) and no ones gonna barge in and make me do who knows what instead of what i want. i know i sit in there a bit long but i mean, we literally have 2 bathrooms in this house, idc that you dont want to go into my dads room in the morning, just look the other way from him! hes asleep hes not gonna care!

and this guy who i have seen and talked to so few times in months, who i honestly at this point have wished would move out of this house for years for so many reasons, who made both times we went to six flags so obnoxious, one of them because he brought a fucking 2 year old to an amusement park in mid winter i mean seriously what the fuck did you think would happen,

he fucking tried to tell me how to use the bathroom? 'oh, stop being in there so long youre making people wait when they shouldnt have to' first off, theres two bathrooms, second off, i aint ever heard yalls asses fucking knock on that door to even tell me that someone was fucking waiting, and third off

shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!! im so tired of your entitled spoiled brat wannabe hillbilly ex military wannabe alpha ass. just shut up and move out already, jesus fucking christ.

asshole making me insecure about using the fucking toilet in my own home. ill fucking shit on your bed see how you feel about that.

theres an advantage to no one reading these posts on this blog that no one looks at. i really can say the stupidest shit.

plus, my family will never find this blog. none of them use tumblr, they would never look at the tags i use on this blog, and even if they saw this blog theyd never click on it. no one clicks on it, its a vent blog.

fuck you, brother. im sick of sacrificing myself for people who wouldnt fucking do the same for me. i got this mad over a petty thing but honestly it really is about the bigger picture. the picture paints someone id never associate with if i wasnt stuck with you by blood and household.

ill probably feel different later. i get so easily swayed by talking to people even though when im alone i always come to the same conclusion.

im fucking miserable here.

[that-mama]

How did I get here?

You ever wonder how you ever got to where you were now a days? I mean, I was at one point, married, three kids, future was going places. Now, my husband left cause he wasn't ready... after having two kids, you realize you weren't ready. He also got caught on multiple dating apps the week of the boys and i moving back to DC and then month later, wanted a separation.

I'm not going to lie, that was the hardest day of my life... 100s miles away from each other, thinking he was doing things to help provide for our family... little did i know he was just in his feels about everything... i guess just wanted to be on his own... we tried again...

4 months later, the week of us supposedly to move back to Louisiana, already put my two weeks in... he calls and tells me he doesn't want to do this anymore, he isn't happy this and that... few days later I find out there's another woman... although i already knew about it, but of course he was lying about it the whole time , tells me "it wasn't suppose to happen this way" but yet you're moving jobs, not just jobs but moving states to go live with her...

but it's like what did i do?

How did it even come to this... Yeah we had kids before it was planned, but we agreed on it in the first place... the second pregnancy, it was too late to even do anything at all.. but after the second one you tell me you only agreed in the first place because you were afraid what our friend would of thought about us getting an abortion. like WHO SAYS THAT... ISNT THAT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE TELLING YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND, that possibly could of changes SO MANY things... but I dont regret having our children.

But it's like , I went through so much with these pregancies nearly dying because of them went through two surgeries in between and after.. I can't have anymore children unless i do IVF and still is very very slim...

not only are we not together anymore, but he's become one of those who just doesn't even ask or call to check on his children... maybe calls once every two months for 10-15 min.. i guess that's better than none right? i mean he's living his best life with his new gf traveling back and forth to places vacationing, while your kids are eating ramen for dinner every now and then...

struggling over here. i faith that things are going to continue to get better, but it's like damn bro, wtf...

i am now in relationship, who loves not only me but my boys too. has a daughter of his own and i love her so much already... i really hope things work out with us, cause i honestly don't know if i'll be able to handle another let down ...

[when-wax-wings-melt]

talking to u again feels rly nice :)

what chloe moriondo song have u heard? and what crane wives songs? and yes i figured jackie and ollie had showed you ryan reynolds already but. aaaaaa *screams into pillow, ryan reynolds playing in the backround*

tobin's told u about the ryan reynolds/ryan gosling dream right. right. cuz if u havent heard that ill go insane

the guy from minecraft wilbur soot released another song called soft boy and i think it is funny becasue of the ramen and the cat ears. that is all

honestly youre like. my funny friend. i see anything remotely insane and i go okay summer needs 2 see this. but also youre my Friend Friend and we hang out like like i dont even know but we do and its epic :) like goats maybe. we hang out like goats. i dont know what this means but its a happy visual we are goats summer. i love goats theyre so. goats !!!! ive taught goat yoga before fun fact. well. "goat yoga" meaning we just did yoga while goats ate our mats and our clothes and pooped right next to us. but it counts. its fun :))

youre also writing friend. writing writing writing. and like i have a few writing friends i think rn thats mainly you and tobin cuz youre the ones i talk to. of course i dont write very much anymore but.

do you remember the smell of petrichor? it was that kam coffeeshop fic that i just abandoned completely when it had like 1 chapter left (or 2 depending on how i wrote it) and i havent touched it in over a year probably. i did write the final chapter i just... hated it. and didnt know where to go to fix it.

basically never let me write romance that isnt INSANELY slowburn or friends to lovers. i dont Get It. help

ummm yeah. rambles. summer friend :)) i have thoughts in my brain and you are hearing them. what an incredible phenomenon

I've heard haunt me featuring Chloe moriondo but not much else! And I've listened to strangler fig and Icarus from crane wives <3 I love. Icarus.

Yes I've heard about the dream 😔 and will never recover....

OOOO Wilbur did or Lovejoy did? I like Lovejoy haven't listened in a bit

I LOVE being the funny goat friend omg that's the best compliment ever we ARE goats chilling together that is us. So right

And we write <3 even if you haven't in a while you are still my writing friend!!!! Can confirm I love ur writing <3 and the smell of petrichor!! I totally get abandoning things KAHDOSL remember. Evil!Sophie. That was a thing. That isn't anymore lmaoo

I'm always very happy to hear the thoughts in your brain thank u for sharing them w me

[qqweebird]

kind of really fucking irritated bc ive been cleaning the apartment in preparation to leave for thanksgiving break and i thought i was going to be the last to leave but then one of my roommates came back (?? before thanksgiving even happened???) and left a huge fucking food mess in the kitchen that i spent like, 6 hours cleaning on saturday and then some on monday. like a bowl of fucking ramen on the counter? a plate of flour, with flour spilled on the floor? a whole pot of oil on the stove?? multiple dishes in the sink??

and like. obviously. you clean a kitchen and it will get messy again. but i literally spent HOURS and did not expect for an entire cooking show to fucking happen when i was gone to memphis for the day. and i wasnt entirely done cleaning i had a pot out from making pasta last night that i was going to clean up before bed today but now its like i cant finish the job i was setting out to do, have a completely clean kitchen for my roommates to come back to. like i left a mess for them to come home to even though it wasnt supposed to be there bc i didnt know they were coming back today.

like i literally dont even know what to do bc i know all of this is literally only my problem (i mean except for the fact that there is literally just food out on the counter too, thats just fuckin rude) but im like. so so upset about it

[freesomebodybyluna]

...

[gyuwari]

16.5. ok so basically

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

song recommendation

college!beomgyu x f!reader

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

warnings: cursing, mentions of abuse, mentions of manipulation & gaslighting

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"yeonjun kai and beomgyu have left a bunch of clothes here so feel free to shower and change." you unlocked your apartment, letting the five boys enter behind you. beomgyu, yeonjun, and kai immediately went to your living room are and collapsed on your couches.

"how is your dorm so big this isnt fair!" soobin whined, trudging to sit next to kai on your love seat.

"i had two roommates who were twins but they dropped out last year and they never assigned me new ones so the dorm is big enough to fit three people for just me." you shrugged and sat on the floor in front of your tv. "you guys should go change and shower, this time i'm not suggesting it, we all smell like sweat."

everyone except beomgyu and yeonjun stood to their feet. kai began showing soobin and taehyun to the two guest bedrooms to get clothes and towels.

"what a night." yeonjun groaned.

"tell me about it" beomgyu inspected his knuckles that were split open from his fight with hyunjin.

"i'll treat all of your wounds after we're all clean and changed" you mumbled. you felt really bad. your best friends, plus two basically strangers got into a brawl in your defense. you were thankful but you didn't really know how to express that.

it didn't take as long as you thought it would for everyone to be changed and showered. beomgyu was the last one to get ready, so while you waited you disinfected and bandaged everyone else's knuckles.

"thank you yn. i appreciate it." taehyun was sat on the edge of your guest bathtub while you sat on the toilet, wrapping gauze around his hand.

"i should be thanking you. all of you. i'm really sorry the party was ruined because of this.. well because of me. i should've stopped beomgyu and hyunjin before it got out of hand." you finished wrapping his hand, patting it gently.

"to be honest with you, it was a lot of fun. don't worry about us, we were barely hurt except for beomgyu. lets just take this as a bonding experience, yeah?" he smiled.

"yeah!" you gave him a toothy grin before the bathroom door opened to reveal beomgyu.

"yikes, you look bad bro." taehyun left the bathroom, patting beomgyu on the shoulder. he frowned and trudged to the spot taehyun was sitting.

"you don't look that bad." you immediately began cleaning out the cut that was above his eyebrow.

"that's not why i'm upset" he grumbled.

"awe, what has my bear all cranky? did you run out of honey?" you snorted. he took you by surprise and pulled your hands away from his face.

"they interrupted our kiss." his gloomy eyes stared into yours.

"beomgyu. do you really think i would've kissed you and your bloody lips?" you rolled your eyes and placed a small bandage above his eyebrow.

"you wouldn't..?" his shoulders dropped, hurt written across his face.

"no! thats gross! why would i want your blood all over my face? when we have our first kiss together i expect it to be romantic, not crusty and biohazardous!" you slapped his shoulder, making him perk up.

"so you do want to kiss me?" his eyes lit up.

"eventually, but not until this," you applied neosporin to his bottom lip that had split open, "is healed. now don't talk too much, this stuff is expensive and i don't want it to go to waste." you stood up from the toilet and opened the bathroom door. "c'mon everyone's waiting."

you walked into your living room, seeing bowls of ramen and snacks ready to be eaten on your dining table. the four boys were laughing and recalling the crazy night they endured.

"oh hey! me and yeonjun made food, come eat!" kai beamed before stuffing his face with noodles. you and beomgyu sat besides each other.

"wait a minute before eating, let the medicine dry down, okay?" you looked a beomgyu who simply just nodded. you knew he would've pouted if he could. he probably would've said something along the lines of 'okay mom whatever you say.' you looked down at your lap and smiled, completely ignoring the conversation that the other boys were having.

"yn? yn!" your head shot up. you looked at soobin who called your name, "you said you had something to explain to us?"

your eyes widened, "oh yeah, thank you for reminding me. its kind of a long story but i feel the need to tell you all. kai and yeonjun have already heard this so..." you took a deep breath.

"ok so basically.. i'm pb. i run the smu song recommendations account. i was in a really bad relationship a few years ago-i can go into more detail later if you want-and we broke up but i'm still.. well i was.. i think i still kind of am hung up on him. and i made a blog about songs that reminded me of him and used it to vent about everything." taehyun and soobin's jaw dropped.

"you're THE pb???" soobin was baffled, he couldn't believe it. he had no idea.

"uhh yeah i am." you chuckled nervously.

"oh my god.. i am so sorry yn." taehyun's face turned bright red.

"what? why are you sorry? i'm the one who kept it from you guys." you were so confused, why was taehyun apologizing it's not like he did anythin- oh. oh no you just remembered all of the tweets he and soobin made. your eyes widened, blushing profusely. "oh i.. i forgot about that to be honest. no sweat i knew you were only joking." god if only there was a way to keyboard smash right now you would.

"wait what? i'm so lost??" kai furrowed his brows.

"remember when taehyun was talking about yn's pussy and ass on twitter?" yeonjun found this amusing, bursting out in laughter. everyone around the table began cracking up.. well except for you and taehyun.

"okay, okay! anyways obviously yeonjun and kai already knew, they've known from the beginning. beomgyu also knew from the beginning but i didn't know that until a few weeks ago when we began being friends." you explained. soobin and taehyun just nodded, not really knowing what to say.

"uh, i guess to kinda get into my ex. everything hyunjin said was wrong. i think him saying all of that was just a heat of the moment thing but.. i had this boyfriend who was super manipulative and he would gaslight me often. he would hit me a lot and basically convinced me that every problem ever was my fault. he left me pretty fucked up. that's kind of why i just shut down when beomgyu and hyunjin started fighting. i was busy blaming myself in my head and one thing lead to another and yeah.. that's completely on me. if i just got out of my head earlier none of this would've happened and we all would've had a good night." you were mumbling by the time you reached the end of your sentence. beomgyu's hand found yours under the table, giving it a tight squeeze. you turned your head and gave him a tight lipped smile.

"well i don't speak for everyone but i'm going to. it's not your fault yn, its none of ours alright? and to be honest tonight was probably one of the most fun things to happen to me. that adrenaline rush was killer, and hey it lead us to becoming closer! thank you so much for trusting me and all of us with this information. i know how hard it can be to relive traumatizing memories." soobin reassured you. the rest of the boys hummed or nodded in agreement.

you could feel your eyes beginning to water. you tried your best to hold it back but you couldn't. you let out a quiet sob, making beomgyu squeeze your hand tighter.

"oh yn, you're going to make me cry too." kai wailed, standing from his seat and coming over to you to hug you tightly. this lead to all of the boys rushing to you, enveloping you in a tight group hug. normally, you would've kicked and screamed in fear to get out of a situation like this but.. you felt safe.

these five boys, your best friends plus two new best friends. you felt warm. you felt loved. you sobbed harder, trying to hug all of them tighter. "thank you guys so much! all of you. thank you for being my best friends, and my new best friends. i'm sorry for being so cold before when jun and kai tried to introduce us before." your tears only came down harder.

"it's okay yn you have us now! we love you!" soobin was also crying, basically everyone was except for taehyun who only managed to tear up before sniffling and composing himself.

you guys continued to hug for a few minutes before breaking apart and cleaning up the table so you could all watch a movie together before heading to bed. soobin and kai were cuddling on the couch while yeonjun and taehyun were sprawled out on the floor. beomgyu sat on your loveseat, waiting for you to come out of your room and sit with him. you had gotten cold so you put on one of beomgyu's hoodies that he left. you made you way over to him, basically sitting on his lap. he wrapped his arms around you tightly and buried his face into your neck. yeonjun ended up playing some random rom com on netflix.

once the movie ended, everyone was ready to go to bed. "we can fit two to each room, you're welcome to sleep on the couch too." they all hummed in response. kai was passed out on the couch already so you just threw a blanket over him. yeonjun showed taehyun and soobin the guest room where they could sleep.

"i'm assuming you two are going in your room?" yeonjun had a devious smile on his face. you rolled your eyes and threw one of your decorative pillows at his face.

"shut up yeonjun i'll fucking kill you." you squinted your eyes at him, trying to look menacing. he just laughed in your face and wished you and beomgyu a good night before walking into your second guest room.

you and beomgyu made your way to your room, immediately flopping on the bed. "god i'm so tired!" you whined.

he patted you on the leg, "scoot over." you groaned and rolled to the left side of your bed. you were facing beomgyu, looking into his eyes. "i want to kiss you so bad." he pouted.

you pulled your blanket over your face, not wanting him to see you blushing like crazy. "shut up and go to sleep." your voice was muffled, making him chuckle. he pulled the blanket away from your face, wrapping his arms around you.

"good night yn" he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

"good night bear." you shuffled closer to him, burying your face in his chest. you felt safe. you felt loved.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

previous | masterlist | next

.・*・.・*・.・*・.・*・.

WAAAAAH currently sobbing at this rgherugwhjkeghejrk >:

[lilmooagere]

Tips and Tricks for Secret Littles!

(including myself. you aren't alone!)

These all depend on your living situation as well!

👾| No little gear? Get some if you're able to! If you live with people, your best bet is to get a box you can lock and put it there! Maybe hide it under your bed.

♡ Suggestion: maybe get a wooden box. You can paint it when you're little and buy a cute lock for it! If you get paci's, PLEASE DO NOT get baby paci's unless you get adult replacement nipples. Baby paci's are far too small for the adult mouth so it's bad for your jaw and teeth and can lead to surgery.

👾| Stuffies!! Stuffies arent super obvious little items that you can keep!

♡ My dad actually makes a lot of fun of me for still having stuffies but he usually just complains about it. If you live with your parents and they're like this, just continue to get your stuffies as long as it's a gift or with your own money so they dont complain. I'd also suggest that maybe dont get stuffies that are obviously meant for children/babies (meaning interactive stuffies and things of that nature). Just to play it safe!

👾| Onesies! Thankfully, our modern attire has developed to where we secret littles can buy onesies and play it off as a tucked in shirt! Go crazy with the onesies! Nobody knows you have a onesie on but you when you put that skirt or pair of shorts, or even overalls on!

♡ You can find onesies everywhere! Now, if you're a chonky baby like me then you might have to get them custom made or find sites that carry your size. Either way, you'll find your onesie and you'll feel great in it so dont worry your pretty little head. 💕

👾| Bottles! This sadly only applies to sippycup-like bottles because I havent seen any alternatives to a baby bottle but!! For all of you littles who love sippy cups, there are so many bottles out there to choose from! Some already have sippycup-like lips/straws where some have regular straws. Dont fret!

♡ I got a deadpool bottle from Spencer's years ago that had a hard plastic straw and a silicone straw in the bottle. Dont worry! If you have this kind of bottle just remove the silicone straw! Then you'll have to tilt the bottle up instead of sip from it! If you dont have this option, find a bottle with a soft silicone straw at the top that has a nice chew to it. This way you'll still get the feel of a bottle or sippy cup!

👾| Coloring books! This actually isnt too obvious in my book. If you think it will be, get a crayola or crazy art mandala coloring book! It's like an adult coloring book but definitely not as hard for someone who is in their little space.

♡ you definetly could get an adult coloring book but since the knowledge simplifies a bit in little space, it might be hard and even a little frustrating to your little self and possibly throw you out of little space depending on how much it bothers little you. Just something to think about with adult coloring books!

👾| Dishes! I'd suggest only using these when you're home alone and cleaning them after and having some place in your room to hide them!

♡ I myself only have a pusheen ramen bowl and a small peeps mug. These arent the best of options as they are porcelain. But! Depending on the age you regress to or just how small you feel at the moment, you may be able to handle porcelain dishes like this!

Remember, your little space is your own! You dont have to do any of these things!

I myself still dont have little gear besides the bottle I spoke of, stuffies, and two dishes. This is just information I gathered from little youtubers and lovely people like you here on tumblr! If you dont think I'm a reliable enough source then that's completely fine too! I just want every little to be able to feel safe and I want to make sure they have what they need. 🌸💕

If there is anything I missed just ask me through the "Ask" button so everyone who visits my page will be able to see it! I hope you enjoyed this blog, stay safe my lovies!

[blissfulparker]

Seasick→P.P pt.2

Parings→ peter Parker x reader

Warnings→slowburn, fake dating, fluff

Summary→when you lie to your mom about having a boyfriend before vactation peter steps in to help. But being in a fake relationship isnt as easy as you thought. especially not easy when you two have feelings for one another. 

A/n→ here is part two of seasick! @spectacularlyspidey made me this lovely moodboard, I love Ren 🥰 I hope you guys enjoy it and I’m going to try and post it more often if that is what you guys want💗

Toothbrush, Peter, you need your toothbrush.” May helps him pack. She seemed more excited than peter. Peter placed his clothes into bens old suitcase as if it was a chore. Hes scared, beyond scared. What if your family hates him, what if they think hes less of what they expected, what if they catch on? All the ideas and scenarios ran through his head.

“May, i've got it. I'm 19 not 14.” he reminded her and she pouted. She knew the whole plane, he had nothing to hide from her Anyways.

“You know that you can still say no.” she comes over to run a hand through Peter's hair. She knew when Peter had a crush, she always did. Although normally he'd get scared of going on a field trip with one or a study date, never a summer vacation.

“She needs me to do this. I told her i would and were setting boundaries on the plane so when we get there its not weird.” he told her and she hummed.

“I know you really like her, like more than a friend. I have a tingle too.” she teases and peter scrunches his face. “But think this can be a start, you maybe could start something here.” she kisses his forehead before leaving him in his rom to finish packing. He looks over at his phone to see the time, he sees how you’ll be at his house soon and picking him up for the airport. The airport where you'd meet your family in Florida where you’d go out to sea.

He shuts the suitcase and listens to the sound of it zipping up before flopping on his bed letting the time run out.

-

8 hours, it was an 8 hour flight filled with anxiety and fear. You had both agreed on a list. A list of things to do around your family

-forehead kisses are allowed(kisses on the lips not necessary unless needed)

-holding hands as often as we can

-snuggling up to one another

-going places together like the pool or restaurant

-pet names

-make up stories about each other

-hands always on one another

That was about it. That's all you two had to do and you'd keep it up for a week. Then when the two of you get home things go back to normal. Normal. That word hurt peters ears. Normal meant there were no real feelings and he'd have to let go of you.

“I-i can hold your bags.” he offered as you two got off the plane. He wore his Columbia hoodie with sweats, probably not the best option for landing in Florida but he was so nervous.

You give him a warm smile and nod. You were nervous too, for almost all the same reasons as peter. You wished you could have just taken ned, ned or another friend who was just seen as your friend. Someone you didn't have to think so much about kissing. Someone you didn't have to think about pretending to hold. Someone you didn't have to worry catching feelings for.

“Wait,” you stop him and he looks at you with soft eyes. “My mom is really....touchy. She loves hugging and she might kiss your cheek. It’s nothing to intentionally make you uncomfortable but i'm really sorry in advance.” you warn him.

He nods as from a distance your mom shouts your name. She's wearing a sundress and sandals, ready for a vacation. Your dad is next to her smiling ready to hug you, now he knew it was real. All of it was now real. If your mom and dad intimidated him he was scared to see the rest of your family.

“Oh sweetheart i've missed you so much, ugh New York is such a small yet big state. We wished college did hog you so much.” she kisses your cheeks.

“Mom, dad, this is my boyfriend...Peter, the one I've been telling you about.” you hold his arm and he's already smiling and going in to shake hands. Your mom takes him for a hug and gets pink lipgloss on his cheek.

He sees how much you look like her, the hair, the eyes, the smile that's so contagious, but the personalities are completely different. She was bubbly and happy all over the place while you, you were a little more reserved and only showed the good side to your friends. Save the best parts of you for the best people.

“Ugh i was starting to think she'd never get one, especially not one so handsome and smart.” she holds his arms giving them a squeeze. “Wow he works out too you can really tell.” You quickly take him back before he gets uncomfortable.

“Mom…” you warn and she scoffs.

“Sweetheart, you know I'm teasing. Your sisters are already boarded and waiting so we can leave when you two are ready.” sisters. You never told him about sisters. He didn't even know you had any siblings. He thought you were always an only child. You never talked about any siblings or really family except your mom and dad and occasionally your aunt.

But he can tell by your facial expressions that you were already dreading it more than him, dredging sisters but he didn't know why. He wasn't going to push it either. By the shift in your body he knew it was best to just question when you two were alone.

He willingly followed your family into a cab where you four set off for a week of one of the hardest masks he had to put on, the mask of pretending to love you when he really did but could never tell you.

-

Never being on a cruise ship before he had no idea what to expect. His bare knowledge being the titanic—which did not help his fear of the ocean—even for the smartest kid, normally, he didn’t know much about boats. He never even considered himself to be on one, until last summer he never even thought he’d be in Europe for his senior year of highschool. That’s how he had to think of this, Europe. Semi-relaxing, regular peter, Europe. This was a once and a lifetime opportunity for him to be on a cruise with no Spider-Man activity, No stress, nothing but the sun on his skin.

“So we eat dinner at 7pm, you kids can get all settled in...maybe find yourself at the spa or the pool. Don’t be shy to order room service, ugh the boy is handsome but skinny.” Your mom comments once again. You give her eyes and a groan as you follow her down the hall to your room. “Oh please, you eat too, you're starting to lose your color.” She picks up your arm and you take it back.

He didn’t think the teasing was that bad, sure the appearance comments were too soon but he thought it was all a part of her bubbly personality. May teases all of them to eat when they’re over. May has teased all of them but always in a nice way.

When Peter dated Gwen—his ex girlfriend—last year she was the same. Always telling Peter about his appearance but he never really cared what she had to say. He just really needed someone at the time to move on from you.

“Here is your room, you kids have fun.” She hands you the card and kisses your cheek. “Wear the sundress your sister picked out, don’t be late.” She warned and walked down the hall. Only a few hours in and you wished you would’ve made some crap excuse about having a late final or actually telling the truth.

You two enter the room and Peter is shocked. It’s a gorgeous beach themed room. If he were a child he would already be jumping on the bed and touching everything. You seem to just drop your bags on the floor and immediately go to the bathroom. He leaves you be, taking in the beauty of the room, the California king bed, the wall hung T.V. The view of the ocean that made him slightly nervous but he didn’t mind. There was a dress on the bed, the sundress your mom wanted you to wear.

“Oh fuck.” You rub your face seeing that there’s the one bed. You thought maybe she’d at least use some sense and get two beds, that or a two roomed hotel. “I’m sorry pete, I thought she would maybe get us two rooms or—“

Another thing he seemed to notice was how money didn’t seem to be an issue for your family yet you never seemed to come off as well off. You lived in a small apartment like peter, your clothes were mostly thrifted or old, you ate ramen about three times a week and if it wasn’t that it was cheap pizza. Just like the rest of the group. You never came off as rich, it shocked him to even hear about a cruise, it shocked him even more that you could just say about how they could’ve gotten two rooms on a ship.

“It’s a California king,” he gestures. “We’ll fit without touching each other.” He calms you with a soft smile seeing how stressed you were.

“You’re not too scared of ships are you?” You ask him remembering how he said something about being afraid of the water.

“Well...Uh...no but yes, it makes me nervous but—“ your hand places itself over peters for comfort and he freezes up. You notice and quickly take your hand away.

“It won’t feel like anything trust me, you don’t feel the ship rock or anything. It’s not the titanic.” You reminded him as you picked up your phone and looked at the time. You two had plenty of time to get yourself ready.

“So….” he clasp his hands together and you look over to him. “For dinner how should I act?” He questions. You’re getting comfortable in the bed already while he’s still scared to touch it.

“Just be Peter, um...maybe a hand around my shoulder at one point or hand holding? Just like our list said. Really sell it. They’re gonna ask a lot of questions of how we met and stuff like that but I can do all of them if you want.” You tell him and he nods.

“Right,” he responded thinking the best thing to do was just be peter, the peter you knew, not the peter who was totally in love with you. “Just be peter.”

And that’s all he had to do.

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[skytressmc]

I'm sobbing I remember the time I tried making rice in the microwave I burned it SO BAD! But if you do ever get the chance to get a rice cooker yessss they are so good! I got one a couple months ago and it's the best thing ever. Also used it for ramen. Haven't tried making cake in the thing yet though

I want a rice cooker so bad 😭 but my house is so s i dont have room and my parents would kill me. They complain enough about the cookware i have which isnt much?? But our house is super small so i may have to wait till i move out. I hate fuckin cooking rice in a pot it seems it always over cooks no matter what I do. The microwave sticky rice did turn out pretty good but I only have to cook it for 2 minutes

[arhvste]

HCs for Matsukawa and Iwaizumi finding out that their s/o is good at playing the piano/guitar? 😃

rvdhdhsh this is a new request and i’m eating dinner rn but i saw matsukawa and i got ✨excited✨ i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, he is CRIMINALLY underrated and one of the first haikyuu boys i simped for properly

-

MATSUKAWA AND IWAIZUMI FINDING OUT THEIR S/O IS GOOD AT PLAYING PIANO/GUITAR

-

MATSUKAWA

matsukawa has finished practice and is on his way to drop by your house

he averts into the local convienience store to pick up some food for you both though

neither you or him are ever up for cooking actual meals

it always ends up with you guys just eating the ingredients and then being too lazy to weigh everything again

so he picks up some instant ramen and a few tubs of ice cream for you both

i know he’s a little shit to oikawa but mattsun is responsible i am NOT taking any criticism

so he has a spare key to your house

why?

because you’re too lazy to go downstairs and answer the door whenever he comes over

and he would complain you’d take too long

so anyways

he gets to your front door and lets himself in

“y/n! i’m here!”

no response

“y/n? where is your fatass at i got us food 😔✊🏽”

he drops his bags down on the kitchen counter and makes his way up to your room

your door is slightly open so he can hear noise

he peeps through the gap of your door and there you are playing guitar like a pro??

mattsun is like 🤨😳🤭

he didn’t know you could play guitar

he thinks it’s hot asf

literally in love with you all over again

he’s listening to you for longer than he realises

this boy is very tall and big and his weight will absolutely not be supported by the unclosed door when he leans on it

he crashes into your floor

you’re looking at him from above like 😐🙄

he’s smiling so fuknnn big

he’s so proud of you?? you can play guitar like that’s so cool???

“you never told me you could play”

“sorry didn’t realise there was a confirmation of musical talent requirement in order to date you 😌💅🏽✨”

he will defiantly watch you play

“serenade me babe”

you guys spend the night laughing and hyping each other up over your instant ramen as you take turns playing songs for each other

obviously yours are much better than matsukawas reckless strumming

he will ask you to teach him at some point though

“teach me how to play, i need a new personality trait, volleyball isnt enough 😩”

okay but imagine him playing guitar

that’s sexy 😼

all jokes aside you will eventually teach him how to play

and you best believe he’s inviting the other 3 third years on the team over to show off his new skills

saturday night becomes seranade saturday 😀

you guys make it a tradition to play guitar and laugh over shitty food every saturday

and matsukawa wouldn’t have it any other way

-

IWAIZUMI

classes have started and iwaizumi is strolling through the halls

bad boy iwa-chan 😎

kidding

his teacher asked him to drop by one of the music classrooms to collect a box of files she’d left in there

and honestly i don’t blame her

i’d ask iwaizumi to carry heavy things for me if i were a teacher too

his arms? they were made for carrying heavy teaching supplies yuh 😋

he knows the first years are having music lessons right now so he does his best to not make a fuss when he enters the classroom

but you’re there

and you’re playing the piano like some sort of goddess

he is in awe

all the first years are too

you’ve got everyone’s attention

iwa is in shock

how do you look drop dead gorgeous when you play???

he wants to smother you right there

the first year boys do be checking u out doe 👀

that’s until iwa gives them: the look™️

your mans is so captivated by you playing he deadass forgets his whole purpose of even going to the classroom

when you stop all the first years are clapping

“l/n-san is one of our most talented third years and extremely familiar with the piano, don’t be shy to ask her any questions or for any assistance”

the music teacher is showing u tf off 😩😩

hypeman music teacher 😙

love that for you

iwa approaches you from behind and you give a small yelp when you feel his strong arms around your waist

“i didn’t know you could play like that baby”

“well now you do 😉”

iwa is desperate to hear you play more often

it relaxes him

and he likes watching you play

because not only do you look good doing it

you look like you’re in your element and there’s nothing iwaizumi loves more than watching you succeed in something you’re passionate about

he will absolutely brag to oikawa his s/o is basically a triple threat

play for this man when he’s stressed out please

it calms him right down and he lays his head on your shoulder as you play

he is MORE than happy to listen to you practice and be your ears when you need to rant about how you’re struggling to get the hang of a few pieces

basically iwa would cross hell and back to hear you play

he is even more in love with you if that’s even possible

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requests are open!!