#and reminder for loop that the universe is always there watching and its time to get back to the world stage

[nidbaesenpai]

Happy one year anniversary ISAT! To celebrate I wanted to share the lil strips I made for my friends when they reached the end of the game! They're all meant to be snippets of life post game and a glimpse into the world I'm making for Loop.

[clumsypuppy]

act 4 :(

@chipper-smol and i came to a realization

[lowkeyerror]

Always, I'm With You

Yelena Belova x Reader

Word Count: 10k

Notes: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, fluff, FULL THUNDERBOLTS* SPOILERS, Happy Ending, mentions of torture, Hydra, cannon typical violence, possible ooc, (Tell me if I miss something I'll add it)

Summary: Your relationship with Yelena has been littered with challenges, but there isn't anything that you can't face together.

An: The summary is shit but I don't want to give too much away. So I implore you to trust me because I swear this delivers. Also its my civic duty to notify the masses that Ao3 is down rn.

Masterlist | Masterlist 2

Yelena had always been the optimist of your relationship. She was a beacon of light that was ever glowing. No matter the trauma she suffered, she held her chin high and kept a smile on her face.

She had pulled you out of the darkness more times than you could remember. Every time you began drowning in your past, she was there to remind you of the present. You were no longer alone, you’d never be alone again, because you had her.

You weren’t prepared for the day when her light was snuffed out. Life had already been so unnecessarily cruel to her, but you had never seen her broken like this. The universe put Natasha in her path for a tenth of a second. It gave her the family that she spent years chasing and then snatched it so ruthlessly.

When the blip happened, you were with her. One minute you were sitting on the counter watching her wash her face and the next she was gone. You were hysterical. The panic was instant, it felt like someone had a death grip on your heart.

The first thing you did was call Natasha. You rambled on the phone, incoherent to most, but Natasha had known why you were calling. How could she not, when she was watching the same thing happen to the people on the battlefield?

She got to you as quickly as she could. You weren’t in good shape when she got to you. In your mind you were ready. You needed to get justice, revenge, something that would fill the hole left by Yelena’s absence.

When what was left of the Avengers killed Thanos, you were there. You had felt how empty the act was. How meaningless it all felt. With your beacon of light gone nothing felt worth it anymore.

You wanted to go off on your own. Maybe just walk into the ocean never to be seen again, but Natasha wouldn’t allow it. She kept you close to her though for a long time you were useless, empty without Yelena in your life. You ached for her. You saw her everywhere you looked. She was on the couch with a bowl of mac and cheese, she was on the counter playing with her knife, she was in bed with her arms open for you to climb into. Then you’d blink and she’d be gone just as quick.

Your past became more haunting without her. You started to think about all of the sins you committed while you were brainwashed by Hydra. They had kidnapped you somewhere in the early 2000’s injecting you with their version of the super soldier serum. You did unthinkable things. Some you could never forgive yourself for. Yelena was the one to free you of the mind control. You’d stuck with her ever since then. She was the only person capable of making you feel like you weren’t a monster. Now she was gone. All your mind did was bounce between memories of her and your brainwashed past. It was a torturous loop that you couldn’t escape.

Natasha let you grieve. She didn’t pressure you to help her with hero work. She didn’t force you to come out of your room to socialize. All she wanted from you was to see you eat at least twice a day. She’d talk and you’d listen, not saying much back.

One day when you came down for dinner you saw her at the table with her head in her hands, a bottle of Russian vodka perched by her elbows. It was nearly half empty.

You sat across from her silently. She lifted her head up to look at you. Her eyes were bloodshot, but you couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or the tears.

“You two are so alike sometimes that it scares me.”

You can see Natasha morphing into her younger sister right before your eyes. There wasn’t a problem that vodka couldn’t outrun. At least that’s what Yelena said on her worst days.

“I miss her too, you know? I had- I just got her back,” more tears well in her eyes. “I found a family with the Avengers and now I have nothing left to show of it. Then right after I found the closest thing to blood relatives I have it gets stolen from me. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not missing someone.”

You try to find some words of comfort, “I was never good at this, but your sister was. This hopeful glow that you couldn’t help but follow. She’d probably say something about not giving up so easily, it’d be a half-joke. Then she’d probably say something like the world will always need heroes like you. People that continuously sacrifice for the sake of humanity.”

“And are you a hero?”

Natasha shoots the question at you.

You reach for the bottle of vodka, taking a large swig, “I was whatever she needed me to be. Sometimes a hero, sometimes less than that, but never evil.”

“Malicious?”

You shrug, “On occasion.”

She laughs through her tears, “I’m glad she had you when I wasn’t around.”

You shake your head, “It’s the other way around. She taught me how to stay afloat. I leaned on her for support for so many things. Without her, I just feel myself falling into the void. How can anything I do be worth it, if she’s not here?”

She places her hand on top of yours, “I’m not going to give up until she’s back, until they’re all back.”

Natasha meant it. You could tell she believed with her entire being. She had never been an optimist, often grounded in unobjectionable truths. You couldn’t tell if it was desperation or just another way she had become like her sister.

You started being useful that day.

Rather than letting Natasha carry all of the weight and responsibility, you let her give some of it to you. You started thinking like her. You had to see Yelena again, you’d do whatever it took just to see her one more time.

When the opportunity to rewrite history came about, you were vexed that it appeared in the form of Scott Lang. He was annoying, but without him there wasn’t a chance the remaining Avengers would’ve reformed. Natasha had called upon them many times, but they’d only seemed to care about the big one.

“Natasha.”

You have this pit in your stomach that won’t go away. You aren’t fond of this plan, of everyone splitting up. Maybe you’d feel better if you were going with Natasha and Clint, but you weren’t.

“Y/n, I know-"

You don’t let her finish her sentence. You wrap your arms around her. You’re squeezing her tightly with your eyes shut.

“Be safe,” is what you say initially as you let go of her.

“I love you too, kid. If something happens…”

You shake your head, “No. You’re going to come back here, for Yelena.”

Natasha’s smile is bittersweet, “I will do what I can.”

You shake your head once again, “Not good enough. Promise me, promise me you’ll come back. We’re going to do this together. Nat, she has to come home to the both of us.”

She pulls you into her embrace again, she kisses the crown of your head, “I promise.”

She lied.

“Where is she?”

Clint couldn’t look you in the eye. He tossed the stone to Tony and tried to walk away. You grabbed him by the shoulder, so he was face to face with you.

“Clint,” your voice was stern.

You could see the tears welling in his eyes even though he avoided your gaze, “You have to trade a soul for the stone. I tried- I tried, but she was always better than me.”

Your grip on his shoulder only tightened as you felt your knees buckle. You refused to believe him, “She promised.”

Clint tried to hug you, but you shoved him away, “None of you would even be here without her. You all gave up, turned your back on the world. You took your ball and went home and now you’re here and she’s not. This is bullshit. You already owed her so much and she gave her life up for you pieces of shit.”

Bruce threw a bench, “We cared about her too.”

“Funny way of showing it,” you countered him.

The Hulk got in your face, the team tried to step between you two, “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

“I thought you were always angry,” you shot back at him.

“Now is not the time for this,” Steve interjected.

You scoffed, “Fuck off Steve. Yelena got blipped right in front of me. I thought I lost everything, but I still had Natasha. Now I don’t have either of them because of this stupid fucking team. I’m alone all over again.”

“We’re going to get Yelena back,” Tony chimed in.

You chuckled bitterly, tears now streaming down your face, “Fantastic, and the first thing I have to tell her is that her sister is gone forever. They had just found each other. Fuck.”

Your legs gave out from underneath you. Any arguments that you had stopped as sobs violently struck you. Your body folded in on itself.

The men stared at you, but Clint was the first one to move again. He wrapped his arms around you, but you didn’t shove him off this time. You allowed him to hold you. The only thing you managed to say was ‘she promised' over and over again.

When you couldn’t cry anymore, his grip didn’t falter.

“She told me that you have to be strong for Yelena like you were strong for her. She couldn’t have done this without you.”

“How can I do this without her?”

He was slow to stand, his hand stretched out, “You do it for her instead. Don’t let her sacrifice be for nothing.”

You took his hand.

In the midst of battle, sweat dripping down your dirt-stained face, you couldn’t help, but wonder if you’d die here. If you’d go out a hero, fighting against a mad titan’s army.

Somewhere between the 9th and 13th enemy you take down, you realize you can’t die. Yelena would come back to no one. Well she’d have Alexei, but would he be able to save her from herself?

When the portals opened, you felt a little relieved. Any help was welcomed in your mind. The people who disappeared were back, and you wondered if she was too.

It was somber when it was all said and done, but you didn’t need to stick around for a reunion.

“I can get you to her,” Stephen Strange offered.

You didn’t ask any questions, instead you gave him a curt nod. He opened a portal and you stepped right through.

The last time you were in this apartment, Natasha was basically dragging you out of it. Your protests fell on deaf ears as you tried to stay here. It wouldn’t have been good for you, surrounded by things that reminded you of Yelena.

You hear the rummaging around before you see her. Your heart thuds in your chest, and you curse your legs for not being able to move.

When she comes charging down the hallway. Your breath catches. Five long years, you’ve waited for this moment.

She almost doesn’t recognize you, pulling out her weapon. When she gets closer, she begins to analyze you.

Older, eyes more tired, new lines across your forehead, different hair. It was hard to tell with all the dirt and debris of battle all over you.

��Yelena.”

She can hear how broken you are. So she doesn’t stop you when you surge forward, holding onto her like she would vanish out of thin air.

You shake in her arms whispering against her skin, the same thing over and over, “I’m sorry.”

She backs away only enough to hold your face in her hands, “What happened?”

You attempt to take a deep breath, but wince. Yelena finds a cut on the side of your suit. Gently she presses it and you groan.

“Tell me after I patch you up.”

She drags you along, trying to pull you into the restroom. You stop outside and shake your head, “Bedroom.”

Yelena furrows her brows, but she grabs the first aid out of the bathroom, before following you to the bedroom.

The cut on your side is nastier than you would’ve thought. It takes her a while to tend to the wound. When she finished the cut is in a better state, but you aren’t. All you can do is stare at her.

She asks you to tell her again. You finally pull your eyes away from her’s, instead focusing on your hands. You tell her everything, from the moment she disappeared until now.

“My sister,” everything else seems of little importance to Yelena.

You can’t look at her, “I’m so sorry.”

She takes your hand, intertwining your fingers, “It’s not your fault.”

Your lip begins to quiver, “Stop.”

“Y/n, look at me.”

“I have to be strong,” you say it more to yourself than her.

“Detka, please,” Yelena pleads with you.

Your teary eyes meet her’s. It breaks you to see her like this. You open your arms, and she leans into your hold. She doesn’t care about the remnants of war all over you.

“We are stronger together.”

Your hands are on her stomach. She places her hands on top of yours, keeping you in place.

There are a million more things that you want to say to her. You want to tell her you missed her, that life without her was dull, that you were sorry you couldn’t save her sister, but you don’t. Instead your lips kiss the top of her head, lingering as you hold her. You hope it translates to something.

When she raises your conjoined hands to her lips to press a delicate kiss to the back of your hand, you know it does.

“I love you,” she says it first.

“I love you too.”

Neither of you attend Tony’s funeral. Instead you find yourselves in a small suburban town. You wish you could say that it was where they grew up, but you knew it wasn’t.

You both stare at her grave. Yelena gets close to the tombstone putting her head against it. She mutters something in Russian. You don’t fully understand it but you pick up a few key words.

She raises her volume for you to hear, “This is where we became sisters.”

“She was always thinking of you. I think it’s half of the reason she took me in when you were gone. The other half was because she was a good person. I think she kept some blonde in her hair for you. Being with her saved my life because sometimes when I looked at her I saw small pieces of you. I hope… I hope that sometimes she felt the same when she looked at me. It was a comfort I think we both needed. I didn’t know how similar you were until I found her nursing a bottle of vodka trying to drink away the pain, just like you do.”

She catches your gaze, locked as tears fall down your face, “I’m sure she did, because you are the best part of me.”

You disagree with her, “ You saved me.”

She stands to cup your face in her hands. You still have a few scrapes from the battle with Thanos. Her hands are cold against the skin of your face. She searches your eyes for something, she doesn’t find it. Her forehead rests against yours. Her breath mingles with yours and for a moment all the tears are forgotten.

“Why can’t you see that you saved me too?”

She kisses you, almost like it would break you. You relax into her, relishing in the way her lips feel against yours. It’s like breathing.

You waited 5 years to experience this again. This is your first kiss since returning. You both were in fragile states. You’d never rush Yelena into anything she didn’t want to do. In truth you could’ve kissed her the second you saw her, but you had too much to tell her then.

Your eyes stay closed even when your lips are no longer touching her’s.

“Sorry to interrupt such a touching moment.”

Your moment is over just like that. Yelena has an unimpressed look on her face as she turns her attention to the woman.

“What do you want Valentina?” Yelena’s voice is gruff as she speaks.

“I have a job for you. The both of you if you’re interested,” she flashes a Hollywood smile as she speaks.

Yelena’s jaw clenches, “How many times do I have to tell you that she doesn’t do this?”

You sigh, “What’s the job?”

Your girlfriend looks at you like you’ve grown a second head, “No.”

“If you think you’re going on your own, you’re mistaken,” you tell her.

She runs a hand through her hair, looking between you and Valentina. The sigh that leaves her lips is heavier than the one that had left yours, “You heard what she said.”

Valentina’s smile stretches even wider than it already was, “Wonderful, a couple of shadow agents.”

That's how you started working for Valentina.

There wasn’t any chance that you’d be letting Yelena out of your sight. Not with everything so fresh. You knew the kind of person she was.

She would throw herself into this work to numb herself from the pain. You couldn’t stop all of the hurt, but you could feel it with her. She’d do the same for you.

“Lena,” you call her name through the hotel you’re currently stationed at. “It took me a few stores, but I’ve got the boxed mac n cheese.”

There’s no answer. You feel a little panic start to set into your bones. You call her a few more times but you don’t get a response. Just when you’re about to start investigating every inch of the apartment, you find her.

She’s leaned against the bathtub, sitting on the floor. Her head hangs down letting you know she’s unconscious. The bottle of vodka in her hand is nearly half empty. There’s another one on the side of her that’s completely gone.

You crouch down to look at her. Your hand reaches to move some of her hair out of her face. She had cut it short since you reunited. You liked it, but that wasn’t surprising. There were minimal things you didn't like about her.

When you attempt to take the bottle from her hand Yelena wakes up. She goes on the offensive immediately trying to trap you against the wall. You slip from her grasp on your shoulders, slinking around her back, so that you can hug her from behind. She thrashes a little until you whisper in her ear.

“Lena, baby.”

She stops her movements. She nearly leans into you until something stops her. She rips herself out of your hold. She doesn’t look at you. The grip on the bottle tightens, “Sorry.”

She starts to march out of the room, but you don’t allow it. Instead of reaching for her, you set your sights on the bottle. She tries to fight you for it, but your grip is unrelenting.

“Let go.”

You take stern tone with her, “You don’t need it.”

“How are you going to tell me what I need?”

“Because I know you Yelena. Now give me the bottle,” you try to yank it from her hands.

“NO!”

She screams at you and throws the bottle in the corner of the bathroom. Glass shatters all over the white tile. Liquid spreads around the floor. Your eyes are wide, as you look at the scene. You look back to Yelena to find similar shock on her face.

She starts running and you chase after her. She books it out of the hotel. You follow her down the steps and out of the front. You can feel your heart pound in your ears as your feet slap against the concrete. You watch as she tries to loose you in the crowd.

Your eyes follow the trail she takes, but your legs carry you a different way. You’re going to cut her off. You push yourself, knowing that the blonde is faster than you.

When you round the corner her body collides with yours. She’s looking back to see if you’re behind her.

Your chest heaves up and down as you try to catch your breath. She doesn’t look at you, the anxiety clear on her face. You take her hand into yours, she flinches, but allows it.

You pull her away from the crowded street, into a private alleyway.

“I love you,” you start. “And nothing is going to change that. Not a thousands shards of glass on the floor and not a river of vodka.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she still refuses to look at you.

You nod, your lips briefly folding into your mouth, “You shouldn’t have, but I know you won’t do it again.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“Like I said, I know you. That and… I think we both could benefit from going dry.”

She frowns, “Just because I can’t control myself, doesn’t mean you have to suffer too.”

“Lena you act like you haven’t found me in that same position a thousand times. If not with a bottle, then with a pipe. I know how you feel because I feel it too, but you’re not alone.”

She meets your eyes with a childlike hope burning though them. You can tell you’re getting through to her.

“I’m here. I will always be here,” you hold her gaze.

She crumples into your arms. You support her weight as she clutches onto your top. You can feel the dampness of her tears seeping through your shirt.

“Ya tebya lyublyu,” she whispers into the fabric of your clothing.

“I love you so much Yelena,” you rub soothing circles on her back.

She straightens up a little sniffing and wiping her eyes, “Ok, ok, I feel better now.”

You smile at her, “Good, because we have to go back to the hotel. I have boxed macaroni ready to be cooked.”

“With hot sauce?”

You kiss the side of her temple, “Of course I got the sauce.”

When you get back to the hotel the blonde wordlessly cleans up the mess she made in the bathroom. While she does that you cook the macaroni. By the time she’s done, so are you.

You make dumb jokes as you eat together. Lightening the mood exponentially. It’s something that’s bound to happen when the two of you are together. She’s your light and you’re finally beginning to understand you’re her’s too.

As much as you pressure Valentina to only send jobs that both of you can do, there are times where the woman doesn’t concede. Yelena was sent off to Malaysia, something about a lab. It wasn’t your mission so you didn’t know all of the details.

All you knew was that you had some anxieties about being apart. Things were better now, but there were still hard days.

Recently you could tell that something was bothering Yelena. She was keeping something from you. It only spiked your anxiety about her going on this mission alone. She wasn’t pulling away like she would’ve in the past, but she wasn’t letting you in.

It was a weird place to be in your relationship.

You check the time again, wondering when she would be home. You knew it would be late, but you predicted something earlier than this. It had been a few hours of you sitting on the couch of your home and waiting for her to walk through the door.

You had your fill of television and doom scrolling on the phone. All you want to do is cuddle in bed next to your girlfriend.

When she finally comes through the door, she leans her back against it while it’s closed. She stays there taking a few deep breaths, grounding herself. You watch her curiously, but let her have the moment.

When she opens her eyes, they land on you on the couch.

She smiles at you, “You didn’t have to wait for me dorogoy.”

You nod a few times, “I missed you, wanted to know you were safe.”

You walk over to her, she pulls you in for a chaste kiss, “I missed you too.”

The two of you make your way to the bedroom. You get in the bed while the Russian undresses.

“I thought you'd be home a while ago,” you say to her with no malice.

She freezes up a little, but doesn’t stop changing, “I made a little pit stop before coming home.”

You raise your eyebrow, “A pit stop?”

“You know a little errand before coming home,” she explains, climbing into bed.

“I know what a pit stop is Lena. Where’d you go?”

She mumbles an answer, but you don’t hear her.

“Yelena Fyodorovna Belova.”

She gasps, “Do not call me that.”

You scoff, “It’s your name, isn’t it?”

She squints her eyes, “I told you my middle name in confidence. Not so you could use it as ammunition.”

“Well, if you stop mumbling then I won’t resort to using it,” you counter.

She lets out an exasperated sigh, “Fine. I went to see Alexei.”

“Oh.”

She shakes her head, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“All I said was oh,” you defend.

“Because you hate my dad,” Yelena says it like it’s a fact.

“I don’t hate your dad.”

She sits up in the bed, crossing her arms, “You don’t?”

“No, I just hate how emotionally constipated and fixated on the past he is."

She throws her hands in the air, “So his whole personality?”

You change the subject, “How was seeing him?”

“I think you’re supposed to ask how he is doing first. If you are so keen about changing the topic.”

You let out a huff of annoyance, “How is he?”

She laughs, pulling you closer to her. Your head lies in her lap. Her fingers get tangled in your hair.

“He’s miserable, he misses being a hero.”

“Shocker,” you mutter under your breath.

“Now who is doing the mumbling?”

You smile up at her, “Sorry. Why’d you go see him anyway? It’s been like a year, hasn’t it?”

You see something in her demeanor change. She looks back down at you, “I was thinking of quitting.”

“Oh.”

She chuckles, “There you go with the ‘oh’ again. What does that even mean?”

You shrug, “Unexpected. I’m assuming he talked you out of it.”

“I asked Valentina for a more front facing role.”

“Oh.”

Yelena groans, “Can you please stop saying that?”

“Front facing like Natasha,” you ask, reaching up to cup her face.

“Yes.”

You trace the line of her jaw with your finger, “I’m proud of you.”

Yelena grabs your hand, placing a kiss on your palm, “Maybe you could join me.”

“Do I need to start powdering my nose? Do people still do that?” You joke.

Yelena rolls her eyes, “Your jokes remind me of my dad. Please stop.”

You pout, “My jokes are better than his.”

She kisses your wrist, “I’m serious though, would you do this with me?”

You move from your lying position to straddle the blonde’s waist. Your arms loosely hang on her shoulders. Her hands are planted on your hips.

You play with the hairs on the base of her neck, “I’d do anything with you, Lena. If you wanted to pull the stars from the sky, then I’d find a way to help you.”

“If I asked you to do that, you need to have me committed. I would be unwell to ask you such a thing.”

You stare at her blankly, “I’m trying to be romantic here.”

Yelena smirks at you, “Skill issue.”

You gasp, feigning offense, “You’ve never complained about my skill level before.”

Her faces scrunches up, “Get your head out of the gutter.”

You wiggle your eyebrows, “Trying to get my head between your-”

You don’t get to finish the sentence as Yelena attempts to toss you to your side of the bed. She doesn’t calculate it quite right and you end up on the floor.

You groan, “Ouch.”

She giggles at you looking over the edge of the bed, “It was an accident.”

You give her a sideways glance, “Sure it was. I can tell by the boisterous laughter.”

She offers you her hand, helping you get back in the bed. Once you’re in, she lays her head on your chest. You sling an arm around her.

“Do you think she'd be proud of me?”

She’s already drifting when she asks.

“More than you'd be able to comprehend,” you say, closing your eyes to follow in her footsteps.

You’re already awake when there’s a harsh banging on your front door. You’re waiting for Yelena to come back from her latest assignment. It was something with a vault and that was as much as you knew.

The banging startles you as it is unstopping. You pull your knife out immediately as you make your way to the door. You check the peephole and let out and irritated sigh. Yanking the door open, you stare at Alexei unimpressed.

He's wearing the red guardian costume.

“Hello Alexei.”

“Yelena is in danger.”

Those four words are all it takes for you to get into his raggedy limo.

You have your gear on, leg bouncing as you wish you would’ve opted on taking your car instead. The limo is big and flashy, easily noticeable. It’s also slow as shit.

Alexei fills you in about what he heard while driving Valentina. Your hands twitch as you picture yourself strangling the women.

“Why didn’t she send me too?”

Alexei’s incessant rambling almost stops in its track. His tone sobers up a bit, “She didn’t think you’d be a problem. If anything happened to Lena, she said you wouldn’t forgive yourself.”

You clench your fist together, “She’s right, but I’d kill her if anything happened to Yelena.”

Alexei lets out a laugh, “I knew I liked you when we first met.”

You roll your eyes, “Less laughing, more driving.”

He straightens up his posture, “We will find her.”

You’re trapped with the man for hours. The night shifts into day as worry starts to take over your system. He has just as much energy as when he was banging on your door.

It takes a minute, but you can notice that there is genuine concern under all of his semantics.

“Why did you come get me first? You could’ve left without me?”

He shook his head, “You are family. You care about her. I would not keep all of this glory for myself, when I know you want to save her as much as I do. That and I think she will be less mad if you are with me.”

His explanation makes you laugh to yourself, “Look who’s learning about their emotions.”

He keeps his attention on the road, “For her, I try.”

Once you’re far into the desert Alexei stops the car without warning. He gets out and starts screaming like a psycho before you even have the chance to stop him.

You hop out of the limo, pushing him in the chest, “Are you trying to let the entire world know that we’re here? What if there are enemies around?”

“Then we fight them. We are super soldiers, we can take them.”

You glare up at him, “Do not call me a super soldier.”

“You have serum in you, you are soldier. I don’t make rules,” he shrugs.

You shove him in the chest, “I’m serious. If you call me that again, I’ll drop you where you stand.”

He laughs in your face, “I like to see you try. I am red guardian, protector of-”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence before you sweep his leg. He tumbles onto the ground with a heavy thud. You stand over him with a twinkle in your eyes.

“Fine, you’re not soldier. Happy now?”

You give him a tight-lipped smile, “Elated.”

You scan your surroundings, when you see three figures headed towards you. Reluctantly you help Alexei to his feet.

“See, you need to have faith in my plans,” he claps you on the back.

He begins to jog over, but you stop him, “I’ll jog. You bring the car.”

You waste no time sprinting in the direction of the figures. As they come more into focus, you pick up your speed.

When you’re in front of the three of them. You disregard the other two going straight for Yelena. You grab her by the face and start looking over her for injuries.

“Are you hurt? I’ll kill her, if you’re hurt.”

She grabs your arms, “I’m fine. How are you here right now?”

“Alexei brought me. He was driving Valentina and overheard her plan.”

You pull her into your embrace, squeezing her tightly. She senses the anxiety in the hug. Even though she would rather not let the other’s see, she keeps holding onto the hug.

“I’m right here,” she whispers so that only you can hear.

“I thought I lost you,” you tell her, freeing her from your hold.

She scoffs, “And leave you with Alexei? Absolutely not.”

“Y/n?”

“You have to be kidding me,” You say turning your attention to the man who called your name.

“Do you know her?” The woman with the Bristish accent asks the white man.

He nods, “All of us super-”

Yelena butts in, “She is not a super soldier. Do not call her that.”

He blinks at her, “Right, right, except she totally is. Winter Soldier level, super soldier created by Hydra. She might even be better than the Winter Soldier.”

“Shut up Walker, before I throw that shield through your head,” you feel your blood boiling.

“If this how you treat all your partners then I feel sorry for your girlfriend.”

You’re about to punch him, when Alexei honks his horn, signaling you all to get in his deathtrap of a limo. Ava drags Walker over first to create space between the two of you.

“You partnered with him?” Yelena asks before you get in.

“Valentina set us up on a few jobs together. That’s all.”

Yelena eyes go wide, “This is the egotistical maniac that you were talking about.”

You get in the limo, “Yep.”

“That makes a lot of sense.”

While you’re in the limo they fill you in about what happened at the vault. When they’re done Alexei fills them in on what he heard Valentina talking about. It’s a lot of information for everyone to process.

“So did Bob die or?”

“We don’t know,” Ava answers honestly.

You frown, “Poor guy.”

Yelena goes to comment, but that’s when she notices the trucks following behind you.

“We have company.”

The group springs into action trying to take out the vehicle, but it’s proving to be damn near indestructible. The back window of the limo gets shot out. Ava is shooting out of the window, but John quickly pulls her in once the fire begins to get too much.

“Doesn’t this thing go any faster?”

“I’m on it,” Alexei calls out, he steps on the gas, but you’re barely up to 55.

It’s then that the cars begin to get disarmed, one by one You’re not entirely relieved when you see who’s responsible for it, but at least Valentina’s guys are off of you.

“It’s Bucky!” John on the other hand is more enthusiastic.

The group starts cheering thinking they evaded, danger, but you know better. Bucky is a complex individual. You’re proven right when he shoots something at the limo causing the back to explode as you all tip up into the air and then crash onto the floor.

You find yourselves tied up on a plane, with the former Winter Soldier turned congressman looking over you. You all try to explain to him what happened, but he doesn’t believe you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

John drops the pretense, “It means you know me Bucky, so cut the shit and listen to what we’re trying to tell you.”

“Yeah, I know you John, and you made your choices. I know it’s been hard since Olivia left you and took your kid, but it’s still on you.”

John shuts up after that, but you don’t.

“That’s rich coming from you, Bucky. What happened to Steve again? Talk about people leaving, not only did he abandon his team when they needed him the most. He gets to live his happy ending while we all suffer. He gets to relive his glory days while we get relieve our nightmares.”

Your words shake him and you know it, but he just pushes past them.

“You’re all evidence in Valentina’s trial.”

You let out an annoyed groan, “From hydra agent to government puppet, what a change.”

He steps over to you calmly, “And what have you done since being free besides follow her around like a lost dog? Maybe she should collar you and call you Fanny.”

You stand, breaking the restraints he tied you in, “ I was being a goddamn hero. I’m one of the people that helped saved half of the universe. I’ve repented for what I’ve done and I’ve earned the right to my happy ending.”

“Did you earn it or did Natasha hand it to you?”

You push him. Hard.

His back slams against the wall of the plane. The sound echoed in the space. You feel yourself, losing control.

“And who scrubbed your ledger clean Winter Soldier?”

There’s an indent from where his metal arm braced for impact against the plane. He sucks his teeth, “You want to do this?”

“Do you?” You challenge him.

“Let’s go super soldier.”

He charges at you, but you side step his attack.

“Is now really the time for this?” Ava asks the rest of the group.

Walker shrugs, “Don’t know, but I’m rooting for Y/n.”

“Me too,” Alexei nods.

Ava shares a pleading look with Yelena. The blonde huffs in annoyance, “He shouldn’t have brought up my sister.”

“If they break the plane, we will die,” Ava deadpans.

Bucky takes your arm, and twists it behind your back. You throw your head back knocking him square in the nose. He releases the hold and you quickly turn to throw a fury of strikes his way. He dodges most of the punches but when you send a hard kick to his chest he stumbles backwards.

He holds his abdomen and you smirk at him. As he goes for the next attack his phone rings. You let him answer it. You all hear the person on the phone basically reiterate what you were saying.

“Bob?”

“BOB,” you all say in unison.

He looks at you, and then the rest. Before hanging up the phone. He starts with Ava’s restraints. You take initiative and break Yelena’s.

“How come you could break out of yours, I was pulling these with everything I had,” Walker comments when he’s freed.

You shrug, “Ask Hydra.”

Alexei chimes in, “Must be difference between real deal and knock off.”

Bucky rallies the team the best he can, not like they have much of a choice. You aren’t necessarily thrilled, but you do want to get your hands on Valentina. Yelena seems very keen on saving Bob. So that’s the plan. When you’re on the ground, you’re loaded into a van.

Alexei takes shotgun with Bucky, while the rest of you were loaded into the back. It’s quiet for a few minutes before Yelena starts talking about her weapons. Ava pulls out hers next, and then Walker. He asks about his helmet and it gets you to chuckle.

“What about you Y/n?”

“I have widow bites like Lena. Hunter blade, 9inch dagger, throwing knives, retractable knuckle blade,” you show off some of your knives.

“No gun?” Ava comments.

You shake your head, “Don’t need it.”

“And if you did?” Walker questions.

Yelena answers for you, “Then I have an extra for her, but I can guarantee you that she doesn’t need one.”

“Well aren’t you two adorable,” Ava gushes.

You grow bashful at her words.

“How long have you been together?” Walker questions.

You tilt your head to the side a bit, “We met at the tail end of 2016. Got together like beginning of February 2017. Then we’re together until Thanos happens. Lena got blipped. I obviously wasn’t moving on but I can’t say we were together. Then from when the blip was over until now, we’ve been together. So 5 years, but also like 10 years.”

“And no ring?” Ava teases and it makes you blush even harder.

“I- we’ve been busy.”

Yelena takes over, “We've never really talked about marriage. The whole shadow operative thing kind of gets in the way of that.”

John looks at you both incredulously, “Have you ever heard of eloping? What kind of couple is together for 5 years and hasn’t talked about marriage.”

“I knew from the moment we got together, that I’d spend the rest of my life with her. There was nothing to talk about. I’ve never questioned it,” you answer him honestly.

Her hand slides into yours, “Me too. Marriage or no marriage, she is stuck with me.”

John pretends to barf, “Disgustingly cute.”

You lean your head against her shoulder, “She’s my everything.”

Yelena doesn’t shy from the PDA, she kisses the crown of your head. You relishes in the moments, knowing that in just a few short minutes it would be over.

It’s sudden when you feel the van crash into a building. As soon as you hop out, you begin fighting. The group goes to work almost resembling a team as you fight the people in the lobby.

When Valentina’s voice rings out from the intercom the fighting comes to a halt. You all pile into an elevator up to her office. When it dings you are in a very open room. Valentina stands alone, like she had been waiting for you.

Bucky takes the lead. He tells her that it's all over that she has lost. With all of her loose ends in this room, she’d be going away for a long time. Yelena asks her about Bob, but Valentina ignores her.

“Are you still ready for your close up, Yelena?”

“Eat shit Valentina,” she responds unamused.

Bucky gets in her space as she sets her drink down. He goes to grab her, but something stops him.

“I’m not alone,” you can hear the smile in her voice.

Aa blonde man emerges from the stairs. He’s wearing a golden suit with a big ‘S’ on the waist line. A blue cape flows behind him as he makes his descent.

“Hey guys,” he says it casually.

“Bob what happened to you?” Yelena sounds utterly crushed.

Valentina answers for him. She calls him the Sentry and explains that he will be disposing of your little rag tag group. She calls him Earth’s Mightiest hero.

“I’m not going to let you erase them from history,” you step forward.

The Sentry blocks your path, “I don’t want to fight you guys. How about you just turn yourselves in.”

Valentina scoffs, “The Avengers aren’t coming back Y/n. Natasha isn’t coming back. It’s time for you to move on.”

“Enough talking, let’s fight,” Alexei charges the Sentry.

The fight begins. Everyone springs on their own individual attacks on the blonde man, but it doesn’t last. He disarms Ava and Walker first. Then he throws Alexei out of the window before dragging the man back in just to toss him aside.

Meanwhile Yelena is trying to keep the peace. You hold back listening to her pleas. She looks at you, turmoil on her face.

“I’m with you,” you tell her.

She nods before going for Sentry. She gets on his shoulders trying to choke him out. She pleads with him from the position, “Bob, stop.”

He slings her off. You’re going to attack him right then but Bucky puts a hand on your chest. He stares at the blonde, before taking one of his shirts off.

He goes for Bob, activating the part of him that he can’t forget. That same demon that lives inside of you.

Sentry blocks every attempt of contact, eventually grabbing hold of Bucky’s metal arm. While he has his grip on Bucky you move in throwing your strongest punch at his chest.

The force has the Sentry sliding back, taking Bucky’s arm with him. It’s not terribly far back, but it’s something. You don’t get a chance to follow it up, before you feel a vibranium arm knock you across the face. You go sliding with the others.

He tosses Bucky’s arm to the floor. Ava scrambles to grab it an you all pile back into the elevator, retreat the only thing on your minds.

When they get out of the building the arguing starts immediately. There’s a bunch of accusations and finger pointing going around.

All you can focus on is the look on Yelena’s face you reach for her, but she pulls away from you.

“Oh my god stop. There is no us. There is no we. Bob changed into that thing and there’s nothing any of you can do about it.”

Ava goes against her, “And what did you do exactly? I seem to remember you getting your ass beat way more than mine.”

“Yeah, yeah I suck. I’m terrible. We’re all terrible. Ava you’re not a hero, you’re not even a good person,” her arms are moving wildly as she speaks.

“Bitch,” Ava relents.

Alexei intervenes, “Slow down amishka.”

Yelena cuts him off, “Alexei, I am not your amishka. I haven’t heard from you or seen you in a year.”

John tries to de-escalate the situation, “Go easy on him.”

She whips her head around to him, “Oh so you're nice now?”

“It’s my turn?”

“No, you know you’re a piece of trash Walker. So does your family.”

He doesn’t have a comeback, “Jesus.”

She throws her hands up, “We’re all losers and we lost.”

She starts to walk off. The rest of them look at you, expecting you to say something. All you do is sigh, and start to walk after your girl.

Alexei follows after you, “Let me try.”

Against your better judgement, you let him go ahead of you. You keep a steady pace as he runs to catch up with Yelena.

“Oh my god stop. If you cared you would’ve called. I would’ve heard from you.”

He stares at her, with sorrow in his eyes.

Her eyes water and her voice breaks, “I lost my sister again, but forever. And you disappeared.”

“I’m sorry. I don't know how to do this. I’m not good at it,” he steps towards her.

“Papa it’s all just too heavy. All I do is sit and scroll on my phone and think about all of the terrible things that I’ve done. Even with an attentive partner I just feel like a burden. She works like this because I work like this. I can’t handle my drinks, so she doesn't drink. All I do is take up space.”

Alexei looks back at you.

“I didn’t think you needed me,” he answered.

“I did.”

He nods, “I see that. I’m late but I'm here now.”

You walk past Alexei, right up to Yelena. You take both her hands in yours. She doesn’t pull away like she did before.

“I don’t care about the work. I don’t care about the drinking. Yelena the only thing I care about is you. If you feel empty, baby I’ll do whatever it takes, for however long it takes, to make you feel something more. It’ll never be a burden to me because I love you. My love for you is the only thing in my entire life that has never felt like a burden. Not when you were sad, not when you were drunk, not even when you were gone. It keeps me strong, you keep me strong. I like it when you take up space because it means you feel comfortable and I always want that for you.”

You don’t break eye contact. You need her to feel what you’re saying, to believe it.

“Lena, I’m here always.”

That’s all it takes for her to pull you into a kiss. It feels like understanding. The way her lips fit with yours, makes you hopeful that you got through to her. Her forehead rests against yours when it’s over, “I love you.”

You smile, “I love you too.”

Alexei breaks up the moment by engulfing the two of you in a hug.

“Perfect family dynamic. Very healthy and happy,” he boasts.

It’s then that you notice people around you looking into the sky. You step from under the terrace, to see what they’re seeing. There’s a dark shadow floating in the sky. It sort of resembles…

“Bob,” it comes off of her lips as a whisper.

You look around, and people are vanishing out of thin air. The citizens begin to panic, you all spring into action.

Rubble falls from the buildings above when Sentry flings a plane into one. You move to punch through it before it lands on anyone.

Alexei and Yelena are working together to move others out of harms way.

It’s like you’re fighting Thanos again, but this time the field is full of civilians.

You help free a man from his car after the rubble blocks him in. You’re constantly surveying the area looking for to get people off of the streets.

You see Walker struggling to hold the weight of a massive piece of rubble. Your makeshift group attempting to help him. Part of you wants to laugh at their struggles, three super soldiers vs big concrete.

You’re quick to join them, taking a spot next to Yelena. You put one hand on the rubble and give it a little shove. It almost instantly topples over. They all look at you and you fight the urge to flex in front of the crowd.

The citizens around you start to clap. It’s unlike anything you ever experienced. It puts warmth in your chest.

The celebration doesn’t last long as Alexei uses his body to protect a little girl from falling debris. As he checks in with her to tell her she’s safe she vanishes right in front of him.

You don’t hold back your gasps. You feel your heart pounding in your chest, but you don’t have time to panic. The people need to be evacuated from the streets. You can feel the impending horror as you watch more and more people vanish. You’re helping herd people into a building when you realize Yelena is not with you.

Alexei calls out to her, “Yelena!”

That’s when you see her at the edge of the shadows, talking to the Sentry. If she’s heard him you can’t tell. Your legs start carrying you towards her.

“YELENA!” Your voice booms in the empty streets.

She looks back briefly. Her eyes meet yours. It feels like an eternity yet, she takes a step into the void.

You scream, you scream like your heart has been pulled from your chest.

“No, no, no, no, no, no,” you start to blink rapidly, hoping that what you saw was a vision.

There are tears streaming down your face. You could feel people trying to hold you back, when all you want to do is run head first into the darkness.

“I can’t, not again. I can’t,” you’re hysterical, but your feet are planted.

You can’t move back. Last time she disappeared you couldn’t do anything about it. You’d lost 5 years, but this time was different. You could step into that void and chase after her.

“Y/n come on,” Bucky tries but you shrug him off.

You push them all away, “I am not losing her again!”

You stare up at the dark mass floating in the sky. He looks down at you curiously.

“I can make it all go away. All of your pain, all of your suffering.”

“You can’t and I don’t want you to,” you take step closer to the dark edge. “I will save Yelena, but I’m going to save you too Bob.”

You step into the darkness.

“We will continue until you break through the stone.”

You freeze at the voice.

“I can’t it’s too hard,” you recognize your own voice, begging.

“I didn’t ask what you could do. I said you will keep punching until you can break through the stone. Now punch.”

They had pulled you off the streets about a month ago, injected you with the serum. You were around 11. The fact that the serum alone didn’t kill you made it a success.

You knew what would happen next. The younger version of you punched the block of concrete over and over and over again. Even after you broke your hand, the cement barely gave.

When you hear the bones in your hands break, you try to intervene. You place your hand between the younger version of yourself and the target.

“Enough,” you mutter staring at yourself.

“It doesn’t work like that here,” the child's eyes are blank.

She sweeps your leg to take you down and begins to climb on top of you, punching you repeatedly. The broken hand doesn’t stop her.

You grab it and it’s as if the scene resets. You’re on your back watching the younger version of yourself punch the concrete again.

You stand, looking for a way out of the room. You see a metal door bolted shut. Without hesitation you begin slamming your shoulder against it.

The timing begins to line up with the sound of your younger self punch the concrete. You don’t take any solace in knowing that eventually the concrete does break.

With that thought at the front of your mind the steel door falls off its hinges and rush into what you believe to be an open hall.

It’s only when you’re fully inside that you realize it’s not a hallway. It’s a bathroom.

You can tell by the cracks in the porcelain sink that it is the day after Yelena was blipped. Shards of the mirror are scattered inside of it. The younger version of yourself has one hand gripping the sink and another on a gun.

Her head is down and her body is tense.

That day you had slammed your hand against the mirror and instantly felt stupid. You held the sink so hard it cracked. It had been less than 24 hours without her and you were falling apart. You remember the feeling of gun against your skull.

You pulled the trigger, but it wasn’t loaded. You kept pulling it, wishing you could leave all of this behind.

The illusion of you begins to sob as the gun falls from her hand. She crumples onto the floor, head in her hands.

You walk over to pick up the gun. Your hand rests on top of her head, stroking the hair calmly.

“She will come back to us,” you say as you aim the gun at the ceiling.

You shoot and the room moves, allowing you to crawl through the opening.

“Where is she?”

Clint couldn’t look you in the eye. He tossed the stone to Tony and tried to walk away. You grabbed him by the shoulder, so he was face to face with you.

“Clint,” your voice was stern.

You walked past the scene. This is moment in life when you thought you’d never have anything worth loving again. Yelena was gone, Natasha was gone, all you had was your past. All the wrongs you did, all the mistakes you made, all the people you’d kill. You felt hopeless.

That isn’t the case anymore. Yelena is here, you won this war. You got her back not only for yourself, but for Natasha.

You will find Yelena, there is not a doubt in your mind. You are certain, hopeful even. No matter how many traumas you have to go through, seeing her at the end makes it all worth it.

In the glass window of the building, you can see what looks like an old attic. It’s not something from your memories, but you know it doesn’t belong here.

You put your hand into the window first, watching it disappear, then your body follows it. There’s chaos around as furniture flies at you. You are able to dodge the stray pillows that are coming right for your head.

Then it all stops. The rest of the team has found their way here as well. It fills you with relief to know that you don’t have to do this alone.

“What did you see? Are you ok?”

Walker answers first, “Oh I’m fine.

Then Bucky, “I have a great past.”

Then Ava, “Totally fine.”

Yelena turns her attention to you. She’s waiting for you to say something.

“That fucking sucked,” you let out a broken laugh at the end of it.

“Well at least we’re all together now,” Ava finds the silver lining.

“Thanks guys,” Bob says.

You can’t help but size him up a little. He’s different than when you saw him in Valentina’s office. He seems a little shy, buy there’s a kindness that’s clearly on his face. You know that he essentially sacrificed himself to help these strangers escape. He probably saved your girlfriend’s life.

This isn’t the guy in the gold suit with dyed blonde hair, it’s not the dark ominous cloud terrorizing New York, this is Bob. A real man with intense emotions that can sometimes overtake him. He deserves to be saved.

So that’s what you do. You fight through Bob’s most painful memories. From his abusive parents to his drug induced psychosis, all the up to the moment the Void was created.

The Void pins everyone down except for Bob. You’re against the floor with a table pushing down on to your legs. You watch as Bob goes up against the physical embodiment of his darkness. For a moment you think he’s winning, until you see the shadow climb up his pant leg.

“Bob, this is what it wants you have to stop,” you call out to him.

It falls on deaf ears as he throws punch after punch to the Void.

You glance over at Yelena, who is trapped against a door next to Alexei. You use all of the strength that you have to get the table off your legs. Your steps are making dents in floor as you walk over to them.

Alexei tries to create enough space for Yelena to slip out. You extend your hand towards her and she grabs it.

“Trust me,” she says.

You nod, “Always.”

She signals for you to fling her across the room. You do it with no hesitation. You’re not too far behind her, though you feel the Void trying to create distance between Bob and the rest of the team.

Yelena gets to him first, wrapping her arms around the man. You are on the other side of him, squeezing him with all that you have. Soon the rest break free from their confines and join in to make Bob feel less alone.

Then suddenly it’s all over.

You’re back in New York, sprawled out on the floor. You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding.

You kept close to Bob, partially enjoying the comfort. Yelena’s gets up first, extending her hand towards you. You allow her to pull you up.

She doesn’t get to say anything before you’re kissing her. You hold her face in your hands as your lips move against hers delicately. It’s a fragile kiss, something like the one you first shared.

“I thought I lost you again.”

Her lips touch yours once more, “I will always be here.”

“We still have one last thing to deal with guys,” Bucky says as he gets his eyes on Valentina.

You can’t stop yourself from throwing a small knife in her direction. You miss, but it's on purpose.

“We get to kill her right?” Alexei comments as you all zero in on the woman.

“Alright guys, I know we’re going through a lot of feelings right now. Just give me half second,” Valentina holds her hands up as she backs away.

“Oh I'd like to kill her,” Ava says gleefully.

Bucky shakes his head, “We’re taking her in.”

You see Bob hanging behind a bit. You place your hand on his shoulder, “Come on.”

“Me too?”

You flash him a small smile, “From now on we stick together.”

He returns the gesture, “That’s nice.”

The two of you are the last to walk through the curtain. There’s press everywhere. Cameras flash pictures of all you standing behind Valentina.

Bob stands off to the side with Valentina’s assistant while you stand next to Yelena.

You lean over to whisper in her ear, “What the fuck is she doing?”

“Saving her own ass.”

Valentina turns to look at the group with her arms wide, “Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, meet the new Avengers.”

There are alarms going off in your head as she says that. The press’s cameras flash more frequently, as soon as she makes that announcement.

“Is this real?”

Walker claps a hand down on your shoulder, “Feels pretty real to me."

Your eyes cut over to Yelena, who says something to Valentina before taking a step back. You move to stand next to her.

“Front facing looks good on you,” you smirk at her.

She gives you a once over, “I could say the same about you.”

“So what now?” Ava asks the team.

Bucky speaks up, “You guys like shawarma?”

Alexei laughs happily, “I love shawarma."

“I could eat,” Walker replies.

Bob agrees, “Me too. Kind of starving actually.”

You sling your arm around Yelena’s waist, “I guess we’re getting shawarma then.”

You keep her close as you walk away from the press. The team follows Bucky’s lead and you end up back in a van.

Yelena’s head rests against your shoulder during the car ride. The rest of your companions chatter, filling the silence.

“Do you want to elope?” Yelena say so that only you can hear.

“Your last name is cooler than mine, so I guess it only makes sense,” you reply.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

You roll your eyes, “It’s just a creative way of saying yes. Is fun no longer allowed, because we’re Avengers?”

“You have a weird idea of fun.”

You kiss her forehead, “Yet you still asked me to marry you, checkmate.”

“Whatever,” she buries her head further into your neck.

“I love you,” you say as you begin to rest your eyes, exhaustion finally taking over.

“I love you too."

[strwberryblast]

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐏 | Gojo x Fem!Reader

tw ; death and poorly written graphic scenes.

•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•••·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•••·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·••

Gojo cries out in frustration, his body slumped with exhaustion. For months, he’s been trying desperately to bring you back, but time and time again, he fails. He’s tried over 382 times, each in a desperate attempt to save you, his beloved wife, from the grasp of death. But no matter how many times he returns, Sukuna wins. He always wins. Every time he returns, you end up limp, lying in a puddle of your own blood, your eyes, once so full of life, now lifeless, reminding him of his failure.

The relentless cycle has begun to wear on him, fraying his once unshakeable resolve. Each time he rewinds, the pain of seeing you die anew is as fresh and unbearable as the first. The memories of your final moments haunt him with a visceral intensity—your eyes wide with fear and pain, the way your blood stained the ground, the chilling stillness of your once-vibrant form. He can’t escape the relentless torment of these images, and they compound with every failed attempt.

In this iteration of the loop, Gojo finds himself back in the dimly lit alley where it all happened. The aftermath of his battle with Sukuna lies scattered around him—debris, broken weapons, and the residue of chaotic energy. The alley is eerily silent, the air heavy with the lingering scent of smoke and blood. Gojo's breathing is ragged, his face streaked with tears and grime. He feels as though the weight of the entire universe has settled upon his shoulders, crushing him with its immense burden.

Desperation drives him to his knees beside your body, and he clutches his head in his hands, his sobs escaping in ragged gasps. He slams his fist against the cold, unyielding ground, the pain barely registering compared to the emotional anguish that consumes him. Each thud reverberates through his chest, mingling with the crushing weight of guilt and helplessness.

The memories of your last moments together replay in his mind with excruciating clarity. He remembers the warmth of your laughter, the sparkle in your eyes, and the way your presence made the world seem brighter. And now, all he’s left with are these fleeting, precious memories and the stark, painful reality of your absence.

“Why can’t I save you?” he cries out into the void, his voice cracking under the strain. “Why can’t I change this? I've tried everything—every strategy, every possible outcome. What am I missing? Why does it always end like this? What happened to me being the strongest? Why can't I be strong when it comes to saving you?”

The night sky above offers no answers. The stars, indifferent and distant, provide no solace. The silence of the alley is oppressive, a cruel reminder of his isolation. Gojo feels a profound sense of solitude, the weight of his endless failure pressing down on him like a leaden shroud. He's fought valiantly against Sukuna, explored every possible avenue, and yet the outcome remains the same.

Each attempt to save you has left him more weary and disheartened than the last. The cycle has become a cruel parody of hope, where each attempt to alter the past only reinforces his sense of futility. The weight of 382 failures bears down on him, each failure a knife twisting deeper into his heart.

But despite the overwhelming despair, a flicker of determination still burns within him. He knows that if he’s ever going to break free from this tragic loop, he must confront not only Sukuna but also the limitations of his own understanding and strength. He can’t accept that this is the end of his journey, that he’s doomed to watch you die forever.

With a heavy heart and a steely resolve, Gojo pushes himself to his feet. His body is bruised and battered, his spirit nearly broken, but his love for you drives him onward. He refuses to surrender to the despair that threatens to engulf him. He must find a new way, a hidden possibility he hasn’t yet uncovered.

As he steels himself for another attempt, Gojo casts one last glance at your lifeless form, his heart aching with every beat. He knows that each attempt brings him closer to the truth, but the cost of each failure is increasingly steep. He has no choice but to continue, driven by the hope that somewhere, somehow, there is a way to change the past and bring you back to life.

In the stillness of the night, Gojo’s resolve hardens. The battle is far from over, and he won’t give up until he’s uncovered the key to breaking this tragic cycle, no matter the personal cost. He embraces the pain and frustration, transforming it into a fierce determination to finally end the loop and save the woman he loves.

Attempt 383

Gojo's senses snap into focus as he emerges from the crushing void of the time loop. The familiar alleyway stretches out before him, marred by the shadows of countless failed attempts. You are there, alive and standing amidst the chaos, a sight that both invigorates and terrifies him. The briefest flicker of hope ignites within him, only to be immediately overshadowed by the crushing weight of past failures. His heart races with a mix of anticipation and dread.

He's been here 382 times before, each attempt marked by his desperate, relentless fight against Sukuna. Each time, he’s failed to save you. The memory of your lifeless body, so cold and still, haunts him. Every attempt ends with him unable to alter the tragic outcome. And now, as he sees you alive once again, he is driven by a fierce determination to make this attempt different.

With a mix of emotions within him, he has one thought on his mind: saving you.

Sukuna's menacing presence is not far behind. The malevolent aura fills the air as Gojo prepares for the inevitable confrontation. He's exhausted by every strategy, every maneuver, but this time he feels an unyielding resolve to make it work. The weight of every past failure drives him forward, fueling his determination to finally succeed.

The fight with Sukuna is fierce and chaotic. Gojo's moves are a blur of precision and power, his techniques executed with a desperate urgency. The alleyway becomes a battleground of light and darkness, a testament to Gojo's unrelenting will to protect you. He fights with a raw, unrestrained intensity, driven by the desperate need to save you from the fate that has befallen you so many times before.

Despite his best efforts, Sukuna’s power remains formidable. The battle stretches on, each clash of their abilities a testament to their respective strengths and weaknesses. Gojo's frustration mounts with every failed attempt to gain the upper hand, every moment where Sukuna seems to slip away from his grasp. The weight of past failures presses heavily on him, and the crushing realization that he may not succeed this time grips him with a cold, relentless hold.

As the fight reaches its peak, Gojo's focus is entirely on defeating Sukuna. His strategies are complex, his attacks relentless, but the familiar pang of inadequacy starts to set in. He can feel it slipping away—the success he’s so desperately fought for, the chance to save you. The battle is a chaotic dance of fury and despair, with Gojo’s hope wavering with every passing moment.

In a heart-wrenching moment of realization, Sukuna’s malevolent force overwhelms Gojo. The fight is brutal, and despite his best efforts, Gojo's strength begins to falter. He's driven to the brink of exhaustion, each blow from Sukuna a reminder of the futility of his struggle. The weight of his past failures and the fear of the inevitable final moment hang heavily over him.

Then it happens. A final, crushing blow from Sukuna sends Gojo reeling. The world around him blurs as he staggers, his body battered and weak. He turns desperately toward you, his heart shattering at the sight of your pained, bloody figure. The realization hits him with a devastating finality—he has failed again.

“No!” Gojo's cry is a raw, anguished scream that echoes through the alleyway. His voice cracks with the weight of his despair as he collapses to his knees, the once vivid hope now dimmed by the crushing reality of his repeated failures. He looks at you, his vision blurring with tears, and sees the inevitable outcome he’s tried so hard to prevent.

“Again! Again! I need to try again!” he cries, hitting his forehead against the concrete floor, tears pouring from his eyes and staining the alleyway. As he sits up, an overwhelming feeling of defeat swirls through him. “I need to try again!” he screams, sending himself back once more.

Attempt 384

In the alleyway once more, Gojo’s heart sinks as he sees you lying lifeless, a haunting scene he’s come to dread. Blood pools around you, staining your clothes and face with a terrified expression frozen in time. “Fuck! Again!” he cries out in frustration, tearing at the seams of reality as he restarts the cycle for yet another attempt.

Attempt 456

Gojo's hands tremble as he surveys the scene yet again. You lie on the ground, a haunting reminder of his endless struggle. Every attempt to change the outcome has ended in the same tragic result. “Why am I unable to fix this? Why can’t I save you?” he mutters, a deep sense of despair seeping into his voice. The crushing weight of failure drags him down as he restarts the cycle once more.

Attempt 689

Another attempt falls apart as Gojo watches helplessly. Your body is once again lifeless, blood staining the grimy alley. The look of terror on your face is etched into his memory, a constant reminder of his failures. He slams his fist against the wall, the frustration boiling over. “This can’t be happening again!” he shouts, his voice breaking as he plunges back into the cycle.

Attempt 812

He clenches his fist angrily as you fall limp once more, his eyes hollow, his body aching with exhaustion. “Why? Why? Why!” he screams, tears spilling out over his face and onto his cheeks. His body collapses onto the floor as he cries. “I need to try again. I can't give up on you,” he says to your limp body, blood seeping into his own clothing, as he restarts the cycle once again.

Attempt 902

Another desperate attempt to save you. He’s lost count of how long it’s been, but it doesn’t matter to him; you’re the only thing that matters to him. He needs to save you. He needs to. But it ends the same. You are once again sprawled in a pool of blood, the terror in your eyes as vivid as ever. Gojo's breath comes in ragged gasps as he looks at the destruction he cannot prevent. His voice cracks under the strain. “It’s always the same…” With a shuddering exhale, he restarts, each cycle a new level of anguish.

Attempt 1002

Gojo stands amidst the ruins of his thousandth attempt, staring at your bloodied, lifeless body. The hopelessness of his endless failures weighs heavily upon him. “I've done everything,” he murmurs, his voice barely more than a broken whisper. Tears stream down his face as he forces himself to begin once more, the crushing reality of his despair almost too much to bear. This tiring cycle crushed his hopes, causing him to doubt more and more if anything will ever change.

Attempt 1003: The Final Attempt

Gojo steps into the alleyway for what feels like the millionth time. Each attempt has bled into the next, the cycle of failure, a relentless loop from which he cannot escape. This time, he feels a profound weariness settle deep within his bones. The sight of you, lifeless and bloodied, has become an unbearable ritual. The image has now tainted his memory of you, your once happy image becoming lost in the newfound, bloodied image of you.

The familiar scene unfolds before him. You’re lying in a pool of blood, your once vibrant eyes now dimmed with terror. The same pang of anguish strikes him as he kneels beside you. Every detail is the same: your clothes, stained and torn; your face, etched with the final, painful expression. His hands tremble as he reaches out, desperate to feel any sign of life.

“No…” he chokes out, his voice breaking. He desperately checks your pulse, but the lifelessness is a cruel reminder that nothing has changed. His heart pounds with a mix of fury and sorrow, the crushing weight of his repeated failures bearing down on him.

His body screams at him out of exhaustion, wanting nothing more than to just collapse. The relentless effort of fighting, failing, and trying again has worn him thin. His legs feel like lead, his arms heavy and unresponsive, each movement a painful reminder of his limits. The weight of his exhaustion is matched only by the weight of his despair, dragging him further into a pit of helplessness.

He tries to stand, but his legs betray him, collapsing beneath him. He doesn’t fight it though; he can’t save you, he’ll never be able to save you.

Sukuna’s laugh echoes through the alleyway. “Satoru Gojo? Surrendering? Do my eyes deceive me?” he taunts as he closes the space between them, Gojo too exhausted to even respond, his eyes refusing to leave you.

He can barely muster the strength to lift his head, his eyes meeting Sukuna’s with a final, hollow resolve. He looks back down at you, his lips moving slowly, struggling to form the words that have been on his mind through every failed attempt, every heartbreaking loop.

“I love you, [name],” he mutters, his voice cracking with a weak tone. Gojo's eyes flutter, the last vestiges of his strength waning as he braces himself for the end. The energy from Sukuna’s attack builds to an unbearable intensity, casting a stark, harsh light over the alleyway. Time seems to slow, each second stretching into an eternity as Gojo takes one last look at the scene of his failures and the memory of your smiling face.

Gojo opens his eyes, a serene warmth enveloping him as he lies in a field of vibrant flowers, the sun casting a gentle glow over his face. A smile tugs at his lips.

“So, this is the afterlife?” he murmurs, his voice barely more than a whisper. He frowns, remembering his last moments.

“No, it’s not,” you reply, your presence beside him snapping him out of his thoughts. Your fingers brush through his hair tenderly. Gojo's eyes widen in disbelief as tears begin to stream down his face. He sits up, staring at you, his voice trembling. “[N-name]?” he asks, as though you might vanish at any moment.

You nod, your smile tender. “You did good. Thank you for trying to save me.” Your words are soft and soothing, and Gojo’s tears flow more freely. You close the distance between you, wrapping him in a tight embrace. “I’m so sorry,” he croaks, a frown on his face, “I-I couldn’t save you, I failed.” His voice is muffled as he buries his head in your shoulder.

“No, you did good. Don’t forget that,” you say, holding his head against you. “You kept fighting just to save me, and that’s more than enough.” You say soothingly. He stays silent, his mind full of doubt, a crushing feeling of guilt overwhelming his sense of self.

“Do you want to go to the afterlife? I can take you,” you offer gently, your voice filled with warmth, noticing his distress.

Gojo buries his face in the crook of your neck, his voice muffled and trembling. “As long as you don’t leave me again,” he whispers, his voice cracking.

•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•••·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•••·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·••

please read request rules before requesting ! :)

back to masterlist

this is on my a03 and wattpad too

[canmom]

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere, 000-012

Or, what if that mural was the heart of a web serial.

I'm reading The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere, thanks largely to the enthusiasm of @azdoine and @lukore on my dash over the last few months.

This is absolutely not gonna be a liveblog in the level of detail of the great Umineko liveblog project. Rather I'm gonna be aiming at something like the comics comints series or those occasional posts on anime. Or indeed what I wrote about Worth The Candle last year. I must create a robot whose purpose is to watch to see if I start writing detailed plot summaries and hit me with a stick labelled 'remember you have a job now'.

That outta the way, let's talk flower!

No, not that flower!

I will start with an anecdote. When I was at university, I ended up attending a talk by court alchemist senescence researcher Aubrey de Grey, who at that time did not yet have a 'sexual harassment allegations' section on his Wikipedia page. The main thing that struck me at the time was his rather spectacularly long beard. But I did listen to his talk about ending aging.

de Grey's schtick is that he, like many people in the transhumanist milieu, believes that medical technology is on the cusp of being able to prevent aging sufficiently well to prolong human lifespans more or less indefinitely. He believes that the different processes of aging can be understood in terms of various forms of accumulating cellular 'damage', and that these will begin to be addressed within present human lifespans, buying time for further advancements - so that (paraphrasing from memory) 'the first immortals have already been born'. He has some pretty graphs to demonstrate this point.

At that talk, one of the audience members asked de Grey the (in my view) very obvious question about whether access to this technology would be distributed unevenly, creating in effect an immortal ruling class. de Grey scoffed at this, saying he always gets this question, and basically he didn't think it would be a big deal. I forget his exact words, but he seemed to assume the tech would trickle down sooner or later, and this was no reason not to pursue it.

I'm sure de Grey is just as tired of being reminded of how unbalanced access to medical technology is in our current world, or the differences in average life expectancy between countries.

So, I was very strongly reminded of de Grey as The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere laid out its major thematic concerns and characters. I was also put in mind of many online arguments in the transhumanist milieu about whether it would be a good thing, in principle, to end death.

In particular, of course, comes to mind transhumanist Nick Bostrom's short story The Fable of the Dragon-Tyrant, in which death is likened to a huge dragon that demands to be fed trains full of humans every day. In the story, humanity's scientists secretly build a giant gun to kill the dragon. Naturally, despite all the doubters and naysayers who foolishly feel obliged to justify the existence of the dragon, the gun works. Bostrom's imagery is incredibly heavy-handed (particularly the trains à la Auschwitz), but just in case you didn't get it, he also spells out the moral explicit at the end: basically, every day not spent putting resources to abolishing death is adding up more and more bodies to the pile of people who don't get to be immortal.

So far, Flower seems to be shaping up to be a critical intervention into that milieu, with a much more grounded view of death and a much stronger model of society - admittedly not a high bar but it's going good so far!

At the time of writing this commentary, I have read the prologue and first two six-chapter arcs, namely Mankind's Shining Future (1-6) and Pilgrimage to the Deep (7-12).

the general shape of things

We are introduced - from the perspective of sardonic, introverted Su, who is going to be the protagonist of our time loop - to a group of brilliant young medical wizards, who have just been invited to visit the headquarters of a secret society whose mission is precisely to abolish death. Su's grandfather was some kind of controversial luminary who was expelled this organisation, and he also did something to her, which is giving her some kind of ulterior motive to find her way into this society.

We know pretty much from the outset that this is a time loop scenario: Su has been explicitly given the opportunity to replay the scenario in the hopes of find an alternative outcome, by some kind of presently mysterious parties. This first part is the 'control' loop, i.e. probably more or less how things went down 'originally'.

I believe Umineko is an explicit inspiration for this story, and the influence is pretty evident. But parallels with the Locked Tomb series, especially Gideon the Ninth, are also quite noticeable. @lukore spoke of it as the STEM to Locked Tomb's humanities, and I can already kinda see it, although we haven't got into the real meat of the scenario yet. This story began serialisation four years ago, making the two works roughly contemporary. The latest chapter was published in the last couple of weeks - no idea if I've arrived just in time for the ending!

Stylistically, it's generally pretty heavy on dialogue and long asides. The characters are a bunch of mega nerds who love to have big philosophical and political discussions, but their dynamics are well enough realised and their dynamics clear enough that it can double up as naturalistic characterisation. So far, the discussions have been interesting to read.

Below I'm going to make some notes and comments on various elements of the setting and story. In a followup post (because it got too long) I'm going to talk a lot about entropy. Perhaps you will find this interesting!

the world

The first few chapters are dedicated pretty hard to exposition. We find ourselves in a distant-future setting - one in which it seems reality has totally collapsed and then been rebuilt using magic, creating a somewhat oddball universe which lacks things like the element iron, and also electromagnetism. This seems like it would have pretty severe implications for just about everything!

However, the 'ironworkers' have, after producing a series of trial and error 'lower planes' that didn't quite get it right, landed on a fairly close approximation of how things used to be on the old world. Though by 'fairly close approximation' I mean like... it's a bowl-shaped world and the sun and stars are artificial lanterns. But still, there are humans, and they seem to work more or less like we're used to humans working, apart from the whole 'magic' thing.

So, an alt-physics setting. Praise Aealacreatrananda, I love that shit.

While electromagnetism might be out, the more abstract physical principles like thermodynamics still apply, and the humans of this universe have managed to find analogues to a number of things in our world. Instead of computers, they have 'logic engines' which run on magic. Horses seem to have made it in, so we get delightful blends of historical and futuristic concepts like a self-driving computer-controlled horse-drawn carriage taxi.

The biggest difference is of course that in this setting, magic - more on that in a bit - has solved most medical problems and humans routinely live to around 500. The setting is ostensibly a semi-post-scarcity one, although a form of money exists in 'luxury debt', which can be exchanged for things like taxi rides, café food and trips on the space elevator.

Politically, we are told that the world has enjoyed a few hundred years of general peace, broken in living memory by a revolution which put an end to a regime of magical secrecy. There are lots of countries, and an alliance overseeing them.

There's a few other oddities in this world. Something called a 'prosognostic event' can happen if you see someone who has the same face as you, and whatever this is, it's bad enough news that everyone is constantly reminded to veil their faces in public and there's some kind of infant 'distinction treatment' to mitigate the risk. Given that, in the regular world, nothing particularly bad would happen if you ran into a long-lost identical twin, it suggest there is probably something a little fucky about how humans work in this world!

There's evidently a fair bit of effort put into the worldbuilding of fictional countries and historical periods. The important elements seem to be roughly along the lines of:

our world is currently in what they call the 'old kingdoms' period, which is poorly remembered;

next up comes an 'imperial' period of high transhumanist shenanigans in which society was ruled by 'gerontocrats' who got exclusive access to the longevity treatment, but this all somehow led to a huge disaster which destroyed og earth;

the survivors built the Mimikos where humanity currently lives using magic and created some kind of huge iron spike that holds the universe together; there was subsequently a 'fundamentalist' period in which a strict cutoff point was put on human lifespans and a lot of the wackier magic was banned;

now we're onto a new era of openness following a small revolution, while the major political structures remain largely intact.

Writing a far-future setting is hard, because trying to deal with the weight of history without the story getting bogged down with worldbuilding details is a fiddly line to walk. The Dying Earth series of Jack Vance might be a relevant point of comparison. Vance leaves the historical details vague - there are endless old kingdoms and strange artefacts and micro-societies for Cugel and co. to stumble on. Far more important than the specifics of history is establishing the vibe of a world that's seen an unimaginable amount of events layered on top of each other and is honestly a bit tired.

Flower makes things a bit more concrete and generally manages to make this work decently well. I do appreciate the asides where Su talks about, for example, the different architectural styles that layer up to make a place, or the way a technique has been refined. It establishes both that Su is the kind of person to notice this sort of thing, and also helps the world feel lived-in.

the names

The story doesn't do a lot with language. The story is written in English, and the narration will occasionally make reference to how things are phrased (e.g. how divination predates the suffix -mancy). We can probably make the standard assumption that this is all translated from $future_language, with the notional translator making a suitable substitution of whatever linguistic forms exist in that language.

The characters are named in a variety of languages. Our main character's full name is Utsushikome of Fusai. We're told that this is "an old name from Kutuy, and means something like 'mysterious child'" - so Kutuyan is one of the languages spoken in this world. It's blatantly got the same phonotactics as Japanese, and indeed if I search up 'Utsushikome', I find an obscure historical figure called Utsushikome-no-Mikoto, wife of the Emperor Kōgen; she has no article on English Wikipedia, but she does have a brief one on Japanese wiki. Just as Su says about Kutuyan, 'Utsushikome' is written 欝色謎 in Japanese, but it relies on archaic readings of those characters and wouldn't read that way in modern Japanese. We could perhaps assume a good old translation convention is in effect where Kutuyan is replaced with Japanese.

A lot of characters have Greek names, as do various setting elements. One exception is Kamrusepa, or Kam, who is named for an ancient goddess of medicine worshipped by the Hittites and Luwians. I know basically fuck all about Hittites and Luwians but it's a cool little nod to mythology, and it won't be the only one!

I'll run down a list of characters and my comments about them in a bit. But many are named after gods or other mythological figures.

the magic

Most of the divergences come from magic existing. Certain humans are 'arcanists', who are able to use the 'Power', which is a magic system with a highly computational flavour. Thanks to Su's expositional asides, we know that an incantation is something like a short program written in cuneiform with the ability to gather information, perform maths, and manipulate particles. An example we are given is a spell called "entropy-denying", which is the following string of cuneiform:

"…(𒌍𒌷𒀭)(𒌍𒁁𒀭)𒅥𒌈𒆜𒈣𒂠, 𒋢𒀀𒅆𒌫𒃶,𒈬𒊹."

We're told that spells always start with phrases ending in 𒀭, and end in 𒊹. Beyond that, I'm not sure how far the author has actually worked out the syntax of this magic system - probably not in too much detail! Seems like the kind of thing it's better to leave vague, but also she seems like kind of nerd who would (positive). It's conceptually a reasonable magic system for a world where more or less realistic physics applies.

The use of unusual scripts for a magic system isn't that unusual - the old European occultists who wrote the [Lesser] Key of Solomon loved to write on their magic circles in Hebrew, and in modern times we could mention Yoko Taro's signature use of the Celestial Alphabet for example - but the specific use of cuneiform here seems like it might be a little more significant, because a little later in the story the characters encounter a mural depicting The Epic of Gilgamesh, which of course was recorded on cuneiform tablets. Remains to be seen exactly what these allusions will mean!

The magic system is divided into various disciplines defined by the different ways they approach doing magic, with the disciplines breaking down broadly along the same lines as the modern scientific disciplines. For example, our protagonist is a thanatomancer ("necromancer" having become unfashionable), which is the discipline dealing with death; she's specifically an entropic thanatomancer, distinguished by their framework viewing death as the cessation of processes.

Magic relies on an energy that they refer to as 'eris' (unknown relation to the Greek goddess of strife and discord). We are told that eris must be carefully apportioned across the elements of a spell or shit blows up, that it can be stored, and it accumulates gradually enough that you don't want to be wasteful with it, but so far given little information about where it comes from.

Magic in this story generally seems to act as a kind of 'sufficiently advanced technology'. It's very rules-based, and used for a lot of mundane ends like operating computers or transport. Advancement in magic is something like a combination of basic research and software development. But the thing that makes it a magic system and not merely alt-physics is that it's at least a little bit personal: it must be invoked by an individual, and only certain people can operate the magic. We're told a little about how wizards are privileged in some societies, indoctrinated in social utility in others, and expected to be inconspicuous in the present setting. It's not clear yet if you need some kind of special innate capacity to do the magic, or if it's just a matter of skill issue.

With one exception, our main characters are a gaggle of wizards, and exceptionally skilled students at that. They're at an elite institution, carrying high expectations, even if they are themselves fairly dismissive of the pomp and ceremony. They have grandiose plans: Kamrusepa in particular is the main voice of the 'death should be abolished' current.

the cast

We're entering a cloistered environment with high political stakes hanging off of it. Even if I hadn't already heard it described as a murder mystery, it would feel like someone will probably be murdered at some point, so lets round up our future suspects.

Su (Utsushikome) is our protagonist and first-person POV. She's telling this story in the first past tense, with a style calling to mind verbal narration; she'll occasionally allude to future events so we know for sure narrator!Su knows more than present!Su. She's got a sardonic streak and she likes long depressing antijokes, especially if the punchline is suicide. She will happily tell us she's a liar - so maybe her narration isn't entirely reliable, huh.

Su is more than a little judgemental; she doesn't particularly like a lot of her classmates, or people in general, and generally the first thing she'll tell you about a character is how well she gets on with them. She introduces the theme of 'wow death sucks' in the first paragraph, but she is, at least at this point, pessimistic that anyone will manage to do anything about it for good.

Her magical specialisation is entropic thanatomancy, roughly making processes go again after they working coherently.

Her name is a reference to an obscure Japanese empress, as discussed above.

Ran is Su's bestie from the same home country. She is generally pretty on the level. She likes romance novels and she is pretty sharp at analysing them. She will cheerfully team up with Su to do a bit or bait someone else when an argument gets going.

Her magical specialisation is Divination, which is sort of a more fundamental layer of magic, about gathering information by any means. In medicine it's super advanced diagnostics.

Her name is too short to pin down to a specific allusion. Could be one of a couple of disciple of Confucius such as Ran Geng, or a Norse goddess of the sea.

Kam (Kamrusepa) is the de facto class prez and spotlight lover. She's hardcore ideological, the story's main voice of the de Grey/Bostrom death-abolishing concept so far - I think she straight up calls someone a 'deathist' at some point. She loves to tell everyone what she thinks about everything, and getting the last word.

Her magical specialisation is Chronomancy, so time magic. It's described as secretive and byzantine, but also it can do stuff like (locally?) rewind time for about five minutes. No doubt it has something to do with the time loop.

As mentioned above, she's named after a fairly obscure ancient deity of healing and magic.

Theo (Theodoros) is a fairly minor character. He's scatterbrained and easily flustered, he has a similar background to our protagonist, and he's not great with people. His name is shared with a number of ancient Greek figures, so it's hard to narrow it down to one allusion. I don't think his magic school has been mentioned.

Ptolema is a cheery outgoing one, someone who Su dismisses as an airhead. And she is at least easy to bait into saying something ill-considered. Her specialisation is applying magic to surgery. As a character, she tends to act as a bit of a foil to the others. Bit of a valley girl thing going on.

'Ptolema' is presumably a feminised version of the renowned Greek philosopher Ptolemy.

Seth is the jock to Ptolema's prep, and our goth protag Su doesn't particularly like him either. ...lol maybe that's too flippant, I may be misapplying these US high school stereotypes. To be a little more precise then, he's pretty casual in demeanour, flirty, likes to play the clown. He specialises in Assistive Biomancy, which revolves around accelerating natural healing processes.

Seth is named for either the Egyptian god (domain: deserts, violence and foreigners) or an Abrahamic figure, the third son of Adam and Eve granted by God after the whole Caim killing Abel thing.

Ophelia is someone Su describes as 'traditionally feminine' - soft-spoken, demure etc. (Gender in this world appears to be constructed along broadly similar lines to ours). Indeed we get a fairly extended description of her appearance. Her specialisation is Alienist Biomancy, which means introducing foreign elements to healing (not entirely sure how that differs from the Golemancy mentioned later).

Ophelia is of course a major character in Shakespeare's Hamlet, best known for going mad and dying in a river.

Fang is the only nonbinary member of the class, noted as the most academically successful. They're not on the expedition, but the characters discuss them a little in their absence, so maybe they'll show up later. It seems like they have a bit of a rebellious streak. Their magical specialisation is not mentioned.

Fang is a regular ol' English word, but I gave it a search all the same and found there's an ancient Chinese alchemist of that name. She is the oldest recorded woman to do an alchemy in China, said to know how to turn mercury into silver.

Lilith is the teenaged prodigy in computers logic engines, and Mehit is her mother who accompanies her on the trip. They've got a big Maria and Rosa (of Umineko) dynamic going on, with Mehit constantly scolding Lilith and trying to get her to obey social norms, though in contrast to Maria, Lilith is a lot more standoffish and condescending to the rest of the gang. Lilith specialises in 'Golemancy', which means basically medical robotics - prosthetic limbs and such. She spends most of her time fiddling with her phone logic engine, and will generally tell anyone who talks to her that they're an idiot. Sort of a zoomer stereotype.

Lilith is named for the Abrahamic figure, the disobedient first wife of Adam who was banished and, according to some Jewish traditions, subsequently became a demon who attacks women at night. There may be some connection between Lilith and the lioness-headed Mesopotamian chimeric monster Lamashtu, which I mention because Mehit is an Egyptian and Nubian lion goddess.

'Golemancy' is probably playing on the popular fantasy idea of a 'golem' as a kind of magic robot, but given the Jewish allusion in Lilith's name here, I do wonder a little bit if it's going to touch on the Jewish stories of the Golem which inspired it - a protective figure with a specific religious dimension.

There are some other characters but they're not part of the main party on their way to the function, so I won't say much about them just yet. Also it's entirely possible I went and forgot an entire classmate or something, big whoops if so.

the events

In true Umineko tradition, the beginning of the story narrates in great detail how the protagonists make their way to the place where the plot is going to happen.

To be fair, there's a lot of groundwork to be laid here, and the characters' discussions do a lot to lay out the concerns of the story and sketch out the setting, not to mention establish the major character relations. A murder mystery takes a certain amount of setup after all! There's plenty of sci-fi colour to be had in the 'aetherbridge', which is a kind of space elevator that lifts you up to a high altitude teleporter network. (It's technically not teleportation but 'transposition', since teleportation magic also exists in the story, with different restrictions! But close enough for government work.)

They go to a huge space citadel, which is kind of a transport hub; some cloak and dagger shit happens to hide the route they must take to the mysterious secret organisation. They find a strange room with a missing floor and a mural of the Epic of Gilgamesh, albeit modified to render it cyclic. What does it meeaaaan?

The idea of a secret society of rationalists is one that dates back to the dawn of ratfic, in HPMOR. It was kinda dumb then, but it works a lot better here, where we're approaching the wizard circle from outside. The phrase 'Great Work' has already been dropped. I love that kind of alchemical shit so I'm well into finding out what these wizards are plotting.

the dying

A lot of the discussions revolve around the mechanics of death. Essentially the big problem for living forever is information decay. Simple cancers can be thwarted fairly easily with the magic techniques available, but more subtle genetic slippages start to emerge after the first few hundred years; later, after roughly the 500 year mark, a form of dementia becomes inevitable. It's this dementia in particular that the characters set their sights on curing.

One thing that is interesting to me is that, contra a lot of fantasy that deals with necromancy (notably the Locked Tomb series), there appears to be no notion of a soul in this world whatsoever. The body is all that there is. Indeed, despite all the occult allusions in the character names, there is very little in the way of religion for that matter. Even the 'fundamentalism' is about an idea of human biological continuity that shouldn't be messed with too much.

Su distinguishes three schools of thought on death, namely 'traditional', 'transformative' and 'entropic'. The 'traditional' form attempts to restore limited function - classic skeleton shit. 'Transformative' sees death as a process and uses dead tissues together with living in healing. Su's 'entropic' school broadens this 'process' view to consider death as any kind of loss of order - a flame going out as much as an organism dying. At the outset of the story, Su has discovered a 'negentropic' means to restore life to an organism, which she considers promising, even if for now it only works for fifteen minutes.

This is an interesting perspective, but the devil is in the details. Because processes such as life or flames, necessarily, result in a continuous increase in the thermodynamic entropy of the universe. And yet this idea of death-as-loss-of-order does make a kind of sense, at a certain level of abstraction.

Elaborating on this got rather too long for this post, and I think it can stand alone, so I'm going to extract it to a followup post.

the comments

As is probably evident by the length of this post, I am very intrigued by The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere. The setting is compelling, and it seems like it's got the willingness to bite at the chewy questions it raises instead of acting like it has all the answers, which is I think one of the most crucial elements for this kind of scifi. I like how unabashed it is at having its characters straight-up debate shit.

Of course, this all depends where they go with it. There's so many ways it could be headed at this point. I hear where it's going is 'dark yuri' and 'Umineko-inspired murder mystery', so that should be really juicy fun, but I do end up wondering what space that will leave to address the core theme it's laid out in these first few chapters.

Overall, if this and Worth the Candle are what modern ratfic is like, the genre is honestly in pretty good shape! Of course, I am reading very selectively. But this is scratching the itch of 'the thing I want out of science fiction', so I'm excited to see where the next 133 chapters will take me.

Though all that said, I ended up writing this post all day instead of reading any other chapters or working, so I may need to rein it in a bit.

[eldragon-x-moved]

anyone else ever think about how its always nighttime near the king. how he stops time around himself and surrounds himself with the stars that remind him of home. how this allows the view from the observatorium to be a sky full of stars and when siffrin looks out to the window in act 5, he speaks to the universe. how he and loop get to watch the night sky from the favor tree, even in the middle of day.

[jordynbreeloa777]

Could you go more in-depth about how manifesting with subliminals and you’re results aren’t separate from you? Thank youu💕

Hi! & ofc! When manifesting with subliminals, coming from the community and moving onto other methods I didn’t know actually about the Law. First, as someone who was in the community for 4 years subliminals often gets over complicated.

I just listen once a day, affirming, or visualizing while watching doesn’t matter. Then live In fullfillment of the state that it’s done. For example if you’re listening to a long hair subliminal, most people in the community just say, “oh I will loop overnight and update y’all when I see results.” Or “How many times do I need to listen, does this sub have bad affs, does this give reverse/fading results, or do I listen with headphones.” Which is really the main reason why I stopped listening because the community was basically loattraction. You just would know that “results will come to you” and the high vibration mess.

Yes, I did get results with subliminals but how I did regardless of the community and the “playlist” is to listen, and GO ABOUT YOUR DAY KNOWING YOU HAVE RESULTS, AND IGNORING SNYTHING THAT CONTRADICTS OTHERWISE. The results aren’t separate from you which is why a lot of people in the subliminal community don’t actually know about manifesting or the Law or Neville. You should know you’re only listening to remind yourself and your subconscious. You already have your desire! Don’t be upset if you forgot to listen to your subliminal overnight and you’re afraid you “won’t get results?” Idk anything that the subliminal community likes to brainwash people of. YOU AREN’T A VICTIM, AND THE RESULTS AREN’T COMING FROM THE SUBLIMINAL ITS COMING FROM YOU. INSTANT results are real, and you can get them with subs but they come from within. Not how much you listened, how “powerful the sub is” how to only “listen max one” not how much you asked and begged the universe to give you a button ski sloped nose, no. Make the assumption that you always get subliminal results the first listen, if that is the method that you personally like!

I really don’t understand bashing different manifestation methods since it’s all to get in common goal. Your desire. So do whatever serves you, and makes you feel good! Also I have a lot of ask, but if this didn’t Anwser well you can ask/dm/inbox me Happy Manifesting!💝💝

[firstprince-ao3feed]

Epilogue

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/kc8X3Yu by phlebotinxm Out of all the things he’s learned in church, Alex has always believed Hell to be the most striking. As a child, he’d read about it in the Bible. He’d learned about sin, and taught himself to be a better person in fear of Hell and its hordes of demons. Sitting here there and now, Alex is reminded of those times he lay awake at night thinking of the devil. — In which Alex is stuck in a time loop, watching the love of his life get married to someone else. Words: 9127, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 15 of Looking for Orion (in every universe) Fandoms: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston, Red White & Royal Blue (2023) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Alex Claremont-Diaz, Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, June Claremont-Diaz, Nora Holleran, Arthur Fox, Percy "Pez" Okonjo Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Time Loop, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV Alex Claremont-Diaz, Alex Claremont-Diaz Has Abandonment Issues read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/kc8X3Yu

[greatpestilenz]

Shattered - Earth 42 Miles Morales x Reader

  Miles Morales, also known as Prowler, had always felt the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. As a hero, he had the power to protect, to save lives. But sometimes, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't be there in time to prevent tragedy.

  Losing his father had been a devastating blow, a wound that still ached in his heart. And now, he had lost you, his beloved significant other, the person who had become his world. The guilt and burden of not being able to save you weighed heavily on his soul.

  The memories of that fateful day played in his mind like a never-ending loop. He could see you, your smile, your laughter, the way your eyes lit up when you looked at him. But then, it all shattered, just like the world around him.

  He had been caught up in another battle, trying to protect the innocent, unaware of the danger that was unfolding elsewhere. By the time he received the call, it was too late. He raced to the scene, desperation pumping through his veins, only to find the aftermath of devastation.

  His heart shattered into countless pieces as he knelt beside your lifeless form, unable to comprehend the reality before him. The guilt consumed him, the regret gnawed at his every thought. If only he had been with you, if only he had arrived sooner, maybe he could have saved you.

  "No!" His voice filled with despair and agony as he placed your head on his lap. "No, no, no, no, please.. please... Mc… Mc, please don’t leave me..” He begged. But no matter how much he cried, there was no way to bring you back.

  Miles recalled the pain of losing his father, the agony of not being able to be there in his final moments. He had promised himself that he would never let another person he cared about suffer the same fate. But now, he had failed once again.

  He blamed himself, questioning his abilities as a hero. How could he call himself a hero when he couldn't even protect the ones he loved? The burden of guilt grew heavier with each passing day, threatening to consume him whole.

  The city needed its hero, but Miles found it hard to put on the mask, to face the world as if everything was okay. His heart ached with an emptiness that could never be filled. The memories of you haunted him, a constant reminder of his failure.

  He sought solace in the silence of his room, clutching a photograph of the two of you. The tears flowed freely down his face as he whispered broken apologies to the image before him. He wished he could turn back time, rewrite the script, and keep you safe.

  The guilt gnawed at him, tearing him apart from the inside. He replayed every moment leading up to your demise, wondering if he could have done something differently. The responsibility weighed heavily on him, and he couldn't bear to face anyone, especially not your friends and family.

  Unable to bear the weight of his grief, Miles made a desperate decision. He remembered stories of multiple universes, parallel realities where different versions of people existed. And he heard rumors of a universe where you were still alive.

  Driven by a mix of hope and desperation, he decided to jump into that universe, to find you and hold you in his arms once more. The thought of being reunited with you, even in a different reality, gave him a glimmer of hope in the darkness of his sorrow.

  But when he arrived in that new universe, he was met with a devastating reality. There you were, alive and well, but you already had your own Miles Morales – a version of him that had never experienced the same heart-wrenching loss.

  Miles stood there, hidden in the shadows, watching the two of you together. He saw how happy you were, how much love you shared with this other version of himself. And even though he knew he shouldn't interfere, he couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy and longing.

[fandomandangstlover]

y'all wanna know about Wings of Blood's V1?

too bad, ah'm rumbling about it anyways. btw ah have no idea what ah wanna call V1, or fuck, even Gabriel?, so names might be changed in the future. yippee :thumbsup:

this isn't rlly all about V1, just. things about this au in general. ah have aus and ah need to rumble. feel free to ignore

- V1 is, very much stuck in a timeloop. where it resets when it kills Gabriel for good. no one rlly seems to notice except the Prime Souls (and V2 kinda? unsure as of now.)

- yes, the Gabriel in the Timeloop and the Gabriel? stuck in Purgatory are sorta separate people. Gabriel? is basically just future(aka fucking DEAD) ultrakill Gabriel. yeah imma call the Angel stuck in basically Purgatory "Gabriel?" or Angel till further notice.

something something.. Gabriel? doesn't recognize himself anymore. he's not the righteous hand of the father, he's not the judge of hell.. Gabriel was those things. Gabriel? is not, not anymore.

- V1 is kinda... numb to the Timeloop?? it's basically just infinite blood but he sorta develops a personality as each loop goes on. and man it's not dealing with his emotions well, as expected lmao.

- he's a little attached to Gabriel. in its own way, he sees him as a friend. he likes fighting him, he likes watching him laugh. the amount of times he goes through this just to see him again is.. yeah. idk what's going on between them but it's not straight lmao.

- Respawn is still a thing. Hell brings it back everytime it dies, and V1 sorta suspects it to be the reason for the Timeloop. it isn't. no one got a fuckin' clue on How in Fuck this in happenin'.

- Gabriel? does appear in his universe sometimes. he doesn't really have a stable way to differentiate the universes he's thrown into, so he often or not doesn't even know that this was his home. he often shows up in the Church in Heresy's final level, and rarely everywhere else.

he'll dance and play the oregon, or go up the levels just to see the sights. he's sneaky, of course. hiding and carefully flying around to avoid any demons or husks. he sometimes stay in Lust for awhile to just... repent? it's a reminder of what he had done in his blind faith. a reminder to unlearn them.

he encounters the Machine at times, too.

- V1 has seen & met Gabriel? before. In the loops that has gone by, he'll sometimes see glimpses of gold & red. he'll see those colors fly out of sight like a bird that got too close to a human.

when he managed to meet him in full, it was in the last Level of Heresy. it wasn't bathed in red, in fact, it's never covered red when Gabriel?'s around. it's.. bright. like the second phase of Gabriel's fight.

neither spoke. one because it was unable, and the other because it wouldn't matter. the Angel reached his hand out to the one who freed him from his chains, and the Machine took it without question. they danced the entire time. V1 never knew why Gabriel, not the one bleeding with his organs in full view dancing with him, didn't show up for his battle. but it knew that there's always be a next time to do so.

he would meet Gabriel? time and time again, always in rare moments and barely for more then a few hours. it would fight him, it would dance with him, and Gabriel almost found it with the Angel once. he ran before his past self could spot him.

- Gabriel? likes V1. he loves fighting it, he loves that it's actually a Challenge. he is eternitly grateful for what it has done to him. he's curious on what he could do, how many ways it could destroy him.

- yeah ah'm not sure if ah wanna make him a masochist or not. probably though. EDIT: RETCON AH ALREADY DID LMAO. anyways yeah dw he's fine with constantly injured. not sane at all but he's fine in that department, at least.

- uhh.... something something the Forest fucks with every bit of Gabriel?'s senses. sounds that he recognizes, glimpses of people, smells of blood & fire & everything else, the feeling of his wounds worsing.

- yeah Gabriel? looks HEAVILY fucked up. his wings are just Blood, his helo can go grey, pieces of his armour is broken to show organs, his helmet/head is cracked open with broken stars coming out of it, etc etc. ah honestly am not sure if ah wanna change his color scheme entirely or just.. add a color. but uh, yeah. yippee

kHxbsjakz wings of blood.... beloved.. things might change as time goes on but please enjoy a struggling mentally V1 & universe hopping fucked up Gabriel? !!

[arthdoesart]

“What the hell is happening now?!” 

Effie held the drunken victor back from hurling a chair towards their only working television. While she was not made an account by the anonymous people that have kidnapped the children, the former escort was still highly upset, like the rest of them were, when all of their voted scores have all been outright denied. 

In order to score Tribute zero-zero-one, please make sure to input the serial number first. 

Now, you don’t have to manually apply this for District Three is already assigned to unlock the security pass so that everyone can be allowed to vote—

“They’re asking us for a passcode…” Peeta said tiredly, looking at the screen with silent glowering contempt. "It was easier when they would just announce it on television." 

"Yeah? Well, I have a feeling they're not exactly making it easy on purpose." 

Haymitch spat, backing away from the broadcast of a struggling seventeen-year-old Capitol child, who by any means, did not possess the same level of skill as Careers when it came to using a sundry of knives and spears. 

It was pathetic watching the teenager even make an attempt on his part. But what else could the boy do, really? 

"...what happens if he doesn't get a score?" Katniss grimly brought up beside Peeta, her knee bouncing in trepidation for the potential consequence if they're unable to rate him on time. 

Her sharp, ashen seam-like eyes scanned the countdown needed for all the Districts to give their votes. It ran for 60 seconds at least, but now it's down to 40. 

"It won't come to that," Peeta tried to assure her, looping an arm around to pull her close by the shoulder so he could plant a comforting kiss on the side of her forehead. "They all need scores, Katniss. I doubt the people behind this won't give them any—" 

"But it's up to us to give them something!" 

Chapter 2 of Royale Capitol Games will be posted now on ao3 :)

And as always this series is dedicated to @plvtarch

The Royale Capitol Games (18625 words) by PinkMuseSundays Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - Suzanne Collins Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Alma Coin/Plutarch Heavensbee, Haymitch Abernathy/Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark, Annie Cresta/Finnick Odair (mentioned), Katniss Everdeen & Peeta Mellark, Katniss & Primrose Everdeen (mention), Haymitch Abernathy & Plutarch Heavensbee, Caesar Flickerman & Plutarch Heavensbee, Fulvia Cardew & Plutarch Heavensbee, Alma Coin & Plutarch Heavensbee Characters: Plutarch Heavensbee, Alma Coin, Haymitch Abernathy, Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Effie Trinket, Beetee Latier, President Paylor, Johanna Mason, Annie Cresta, Annie Cresta and Finnick Odair's Son, Finnick Odair (mentioned), Enobaria (Hunger Games), Caesar Flickerman, Coriolanus Snow, Coriolanus Snow's Granddaughter, Fulvia Cardew, Gale Hawthorne, Original Characters Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Thriller, Mystery, Kidnapping, Romance, Drama & Romance, Quarter Quell (Hunger Games), Fourth Quarter Quell, Inspired by Black Mirror (TV), Hunger Games-Typical Death/Violence, 76th Hunger Games, Alternate Universe, Child Death, The Capitol (Hunger Games), Capitol Hunger Games, Suffering!Heavenscoin, Funny!Hayffie, Veteran!Everlark, Canon-Typical Violence, Hunger Games Victors, Victors as a Family (Hunger Games), Plutarch and Haymitch bromatism, Plutarch "I'm so stressed out" Heavensbee, Alma "This is what I fucking deserve" Coin, Caesar "That's how you put on a show" Flickerman Series: Part 4 of The odds came with blood and peppermints Summary: "To remind the Capitol that their nefarious deeds will never be forgotten, twenty-four children are reaped from their families to participate in a Battle Royale. Unlike its predecessor, the tributes are chosen at random despite their age, sex, and societal status." The voice chuckled over the last line, as if disbelieving any of the kids from the Capitol were beyond poorer than the high middle-class citizens. "…of course, tributes who refuse to participate within the rules of the game will have their shock collars activated. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever Royale Capitol Games, with it also being the Fourth Quarter Quell from the discontinued series of the Hunger Games." The announcer laughs, unaware of the sheer number of Capitol parents that have fainted from the live announcement. They were giddy for a while at having to recite the dreaded line, along with a sickening twist added by the end. "And may the odds ever grant you their favors."   Pairings; Heavenscoin with a side of Hayffie & Everlark.

[the-fandom-hopping-mage]

thoughts on the special #2

this was fun last time so why not do it again

i had to double check that i was watching the right show cause it was in the wrong time period then I remembered that its a show about time travel and aliens

not to be racist but I feel like that guy shouldn't be black if its the past

apple tree OH its newton got it

I like her she reminds me of ms hudson. shes probably not his housekeeper either

okay its definitely newton

of COURSE. omg I've done it I've solved the secrets of the univ-HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A FLYING PHONE BOOTH WHAT THE F- *its raining apples from out of the sky apples no need to ask why*

honestly relatable, doctor you gotta stop traumatising people in the past

OH MY GOD HES SO PROUD OF HER "THIS IS MY FRIEND!! DONNA, MY FRIEND DONNA NOBLE!! WHO IS HERE WITH ME!! WHO SPILLED COFFEE, AND NOW WE'RE HERE ON ANOTHER ADVENTURE!! DONNA NOBLE!!"

"So he can blame me for all eternity." these two are so cute old married couple fr (platonic)

DOCTORDAVID ILY YOU ARE ADORABLE look how excited he is to meet him

spoilers~

the GRAVITY of the SITUATION oh my god i love donna so much

oh my GOD its MAVITY (its giving Mawage)

was i too busy getting excited in the first special to notice the new theme??? its so cool woah the tardis is doing flips

oh flickering lights that's never good that's how the angels get ya

DOCTOR WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER OH MY GOD IS SHE OKAY

sir you have some apologizing to do after all she's done for you and you light her on fire every chance you get no wonder she threw you out last regeneration

lol the tardis was so pissed at him she became american

ye you should be sorry apologize to her for blowing her up

no DONNA its a non-sonic screwdriver obviously

why the FUK are you YELLING at it jesus christ someone needs to teach this man stranger danger especially since 80% of the creatures they meet try to kill them

donna: No i need to be the Voice of Reason doctor: ..... donna: yeah okay you're right lets go to questionably safe activities

Mavity, Mavity. Mavity is wot bwings us to Earf today. Mavity, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam-

oh no its a wall

Donna: Wait you didn't know? All of us knew, you were the fruitest fruit loop we'd ever met the writers are just allowed to be controversial now

these two Idiots (affectionate)

Yes, the tardis took advantage of your absence and turned Common Sense Protocol back on, obviously someone needed to

if a very slow robot is trying to walk down a very long corridor i feel like the best plan of action is to see what its walking towards not what its walking away from??

why are there no stars are they inside dark matter or smth

OR THE END OF THE UNIVERSE HELLO AGAIN YANA

oh wormhole well I guess that's cool too

okay you say 'oh no its the edge of the universe' literally all the time I'm not that scared anymore

that pose is so silly why are you standing like that

oh Fuck its a Thing

'just settling' with your luck its a weeping angel or some shit

the change in his voice when they went into the echoy room gave me a heart attack I thought it was a new person

DUDE its giving the same vibes as "Is this perfume or alcohol? *drinks whole bottle* it's perfume"

good lord this man is an idiot

iTs A nOiSe with YOUR luck?????? learn from your friends sir she's got common sense

these guys are being way too blase about the drastic temperature shift it might just be my Awareness Of The Genre but I do think they should be more concerned

oh em gee its creepy mimicks that's weird (dude the donna mimic isn't even remotely realistic like the doctor mimic was pretty good had me fooled but she comes in like "I have done what you ordered. I am a robot.")

I swear. This man. Isn't he supposed to be clever or smth

EW

why is the steering wheel shaped like a sandal

This man's typecast is literally Sad Gay Men why are they ALWAYS so SAD

I think the doctor currently having an existential crisis is the Real doctor with Fake donna and the one without the tie is the Fake doctor with Real donna

#nope its not her

#called it

he looks so betrayed how can she not immediately start apologizing look at that face

The Real Genius of This Show: DONNA NOBLE, everybody, round of applause for donna noble

jesus these things' life goal is to bring up all their insecurities isn't it

oh my god give this man a break

okay the last time you(r face) encountered a copying alien, it very nearly succeeded by stealing your voice. Maybe that's a good hint to Shut Up???? Its gonna keep stealing your thouuuuughts

how to stop thinking: knock her out. you don't think (consciously) if your unconscious. just hit her over the head if you both live she'll thank you in the end

WITH THE KNOCKS TOO if this is midnight 2.0 I swear-

BUT NOW YOURE GIVING THEM THE COMPLETED VERSIONS OF YOU ON A SILVER PLATTER YOU ABSOLUTE DUMBASS

the way that's framed it very nice the stunt double and the actor can be in the same shot since their faces arent together

that's not therapeutic that's self destructive

Go Converse Go Converse You Can Do It

wait if those guys aren't matter and they absorb heat why wouldn't the bomb just feed them I feel like there are flaws in this plan

That is a Fabulous entrance bravo tardis have you ever perhaps considered musical theatre I promise you would have to deal with fewer dumbasses who like to blow you up

its a skateboard woo eeeeeee

ok saved donna is not excited enough at all I'm suspicious (and if its real donna I'm concerned)

did he just kill his best friend for the second time

he owes the tardis and donna SO many apologies after this

idk if its the music or the doctors influence but it is sad that those two died (if they did I still think they didn't)

✨Trauma Buddies✨

You idiot if you've got a feeling its probably right its always right with you

c'mon bestie spill your trauma

"I'm alright""Is that special time lord code for 'really not alright at all'? 'Cause I'm alright, too." ah how far we've come *wipes tear*

imagine being wilf and for the past 15 years you've been sure you killed one of your best friends and NOW HES BACK

in crying

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN TWO GODDAMN DAYS GOOD LORD

wow Grammarly really doesn't like my tumblr grammar

the end

[strattonxpressions]

Maya Ham

1. Name, Year, Major, and Hometown

Maya Ham, 3rd year, Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, Chino Hills/Hacienda Heights

2. What is your earliest childhood memory? 

My earliest childhood memory was when my brother was born in which I was three years old.

3. What’s stopping you?

It's a powerful question. I often find that my desire to aim for perfection, to have everything just right before taking a chance, keeps me from taking action. It can result in a never-ending loop of preparation and self-doubt, where I mistrust my abilities and readiness.

4. What is something about yourself that you’re proud of?

I think my proudest moment was when I got into UC Berkeley although I did not go. I did not want to go because at the time I was very insecure about how smart I actually was. I am not regretful that I chose UC Davis.

5. If you could have any one question answered truthfully, what would it be?

What lies beyond the observable universe?

6. Who is your celebrity/fictional crush? 

Cha EunWoo

7. How would you spend your ideal birthday? 

I probably would want to take a boat out into the ocean and watch orcas and other sea animals swim.

8. What food that starts with the first letter of your name would you only eat for the rest of your life?

Mangos

9. What’s one niche interest you have that you must share with the world?

The evolution of language and its influence on culture is one area of special interest for me. It is intriguing to observe how words and phrases evolve throughout time as a result of historical occurrences, technical advancements, and cross-cultural interactions. For example, the rapid evolution of online slang today is similar to the centuries-old dissemination of linguistic novelties through ancient trade channels. It's like witnessing history from the perspective of communication!

10. What is a memory with your closest friend and how does it exemplify your friendship together and how you value friendship as a whole (250 words minimum)

Emily Huang has been one of the most important friendships in my life. We first met when we were five years old, and from the start, we just clicked. We spent those early years playing together, sharing secrets, and creating the kind of bond that only little kids can. But after elementary school, life took us in different directions, and we lost touch. For years, I didn’t see or hear from her.

Fast forward to 10th grade in high school—out of nowhere, we reconnected. It felt surreal seeing her again after so much time, like meeting a familiar stranger. We got along, but it wasn’t until our last year of high school that we really grew close again. Funny enough, it was because we were both dating these guys who happened to be best friends. That gave us a ton of time together, whether we were hanging out as a group or just chatting about our relationships.

What stands out to me most about that time is how easy it was to fall back into a rhythm with her. It was like no time had passed, even though we had both grown and changed so much. Our shared history gave us this unique connection, but our new experiences made our friendship even stronger. Reconnecting with Emily reminded me of the value of true friendship—how some bonds, no matter how much time or distance comes between them, can always find their way back.

[masongrizchel]

When Planets Dance Backward

Something is mesmerizing about watching planets glide across the night sky. Their steady progress feels predictable, almost reassuring. But occasionally, one of these celestial wanderers appears to pause, move backward, and then return to its usual path. This curious behavior, known as retrograde motion, is an optical illusion with a profound backstory.

For centuries, retrograde motion was a cosmic mystery. To ancient astronomers, planets were “wandering stars” whose erratic behavior defied explanation. Mars, in particular, would move steadily eastward against the backdrop of stars, only to halt, trace a small loop in the sky, and resume its course. Early attempts to explain this phenomenon involved elaborate models, like the Ptolemaic system, where planets orbited Earth along small circles (epicycles) nested within larger ones. These intricate ideas held sway for over a thousand years—until the truth emerged.

The breakthrough came with Nicolaus Copernicus in the 16th century, who suggested a heliocentric model where planets orbit the Sun. Suddenly, retrograde motion wasn’t planetary misbehavior but a shift in perspective. Imagine driving on a highway. As you pass a slower car, it briefly appears to drift backward relative to your position. That’s retrograde motion in action. When Earth, moving faster in its smaller orbit, overtakes an outer planet like Mars, it seems to reverse course for a few weeks before resuming its forward journey.

This wasn’t just a neat explanation; it was revolutionary. Retrograde motion became a key piece of evidence favoring the heliocentric model. Building on Copernicus’s ideas, Johannes Kepler introduced his laws of planetary motion, revealing that planets travel in elliptical orbits, not perfect circles. Galileo Galilei’s telescopic observations of Jupiter’s moons further challenged the Earth-centered model. The retrograde motion had quietly opened the door to a new understanding of the universe.

But why does retrograde motion matter today? Beyond its historical significance, it reminds us of the power of perspective. What we see isn’t always the whole story. The retrograde motion also shows how humanity’s understanding of the cosmos has evolved—from myths and epicycles to orbits and gravity.

And here’s a fun thought: if you could stand on Mars, you’d see Earth go into retrograde, looping backward across the Martian sky. Every planet’s retrograde motion depends on where you stand, which is a fitting metaphor for science itself—always shaped by where we’re looking from and how far we’ve come.

So, pause and marvel the next time Mars takes a cosmic detour. That small celestial loop tells the story of humanity’s journey to understanding—a story as timeless as the stars themselves.

[jshsbeowbssb]

Blog Post 7

Music and nature have an ancient relationship as if they have always danced together. What exactly does it mean to ask, "Where is music in nature?" or "Where is nature in music?" These two concepts describe a lovely interplay in which melodies emerge from the soil, and the rhythms of nature reverberate in the music we create.

Nature is naturally musical. Harmonic, evocative, and spiritual soundscapes can be created without instruments or human participation. Nature's symphonies include the rustle of leaves in the wind, the crash of waves on a rocky shore, and the song of a bird at dawn. The steady beat of rain against a window, the murmur of bees in a meadow, and the distant roar of thunder all have a cadence that could easily fit into an orchestral concert.

Consider how a river flows: the gurgling and bubbling of water as it tumbles over boulders is more than simply noise; it is a composition. Nature's music is ambient, omnipresent, and instinctive. It talks to us without words, stirring up something primitive inside us, as if to remind us that nature had already composed its own eternal scores long before humans learned to write.

Nature creates its own music, and the music humans frequently make mirrors or reflect the natural environment. Many composers and musicians, deliberately or subconsciously, have drawn inspiration from nature. Electronic music's looping beats use a repeated wave pattern. A bird's song's rising and falling pitches may be replicated in a flute melody. Nature's rhythms are not limited by time, yet they resonate with the rhythms that propel our lives, finding their way into the songs we write, the music we play, and the lyrics we sing.

For example, folk music frequently recalls landscapes, seasons, and natural forces. Traditional instruments, such as the wooden flute or acoustic guitar, carry earthy textures, producing warm and organic tones. Nature not only inspires song content but also influences how we feel when we listen to music—grounded, uplifted, or nostalgic.

Van Morrison's song "Into the Mystic" immediately transports me back to the wildness of the sea. Whenever I hear the smooth, melodic guitar and the lines "We were born before the wind, also younger than the sun," I am taken to a specific location and time. I grew up in Lebanon, and the sea was often the focal point of my relationship with nature. I spent hours sitting by the Mediterranean, watching the waves crash and finding solace in the rhythm of the tide.

Van Morrison's voice evokes the same tranquillity I felt at the time—the soft draw of the sea, the warmth of the sun on my skin, and the impression that, like the song, the ocean was everlasting, both ancient and ever-changing. It reminds me of summer days spent by the water when I felt at ease with nature, the world, and myself.

The beauty of music is its ability to transport us. Sometimes, that conveyance is emotional; other times, it is physical — returning to a specific location or point. When I hear "Into the Mystic," I am transported back to the edge of the Earth, where nature's melody blends with Morrison's, creating a beautiful synthesis of Earth and sound.

Music and nature are intertwined, like two sides of the same coin. One inspires the other, both in terms of creation and experience. When we allow ourselves to listen to the music of nature and the nature of music, we discover that they are not two distinct universes but rather one continuous landscape of sound and emotion. Whether listening to the crash of waves or strumming a guitar, we're experiencing the same beauty. What song transports you back to nature, and what scene does it create for you?

[colossal-fallout]

Erwin dating headcanons would be cute but tbh I’ll love anything you decide to write ☺️

Thank you my beaut :)

Erwin Smith ~ Relationship, Vibe & Various

Okay, so there's a lot to unpack here with Erwin Smith. As you probably know, he's a very complex individual. Extremely hard to get close to, due to how busy/committed he is to his job.

However, if you do manage, prepare to be swept off your feet like Mary Poppins caught in a storm. Funny to look at but an absolute whirlwind.

Erwin is the gentleman. He will be so respectful, patient and alpha that you'll feel like nothing in the world could ever hurt you, not even the Titans.

However, he's known to sacrifice all he can for answers so I wouldn't rely on that too much. Not that I'm saying he'd happily throw you into the jaws of a sixteen foot monster or anything, because he wouldn't. He will sometimes go silent for days as he buries himself into his work. Unfortunately its just something you're going to have to put up with if you want to be in this mans life.

Ideal Dates

Fancy dining is something you can expect when you're with Erwin. He knows life is short and enjoying life while you can is important. That and he's experienced the shitty ways of military life and the slop they serve; not to mention famine. So, now he's up on the commander ladder, prepare to be spoiled with candle lit dinners and fine wines.

Doesn't make him a snob though. He's so down to earth he has this power where he'll make you feel like royalty, all while lifting up everyone else in the room too. Kind and polite, he never fails to make others feel good about themselves; just a nod, a smile and a "thank you" goes miles for anyone serving him food.

Is a sucker for late night walks - especially in parks. He'll loop your hand through his arm as he takes slow strides, his entirety rumbling with each small laugh he lets out. With you, having managed to penetrate into his life, he's found a new happiness he didn't think he'd ever have in this lifetime.

Like Levi, Erwin always smells good. Fresh shower gels, cologne, you name it.

Picnic's in the spring and summer are something else you can expect from this amazing human. He'll feed you fancy cheeses, bites of cake and so on.

Modern AU

I can see Erwin having a few professions in a modern au. A professor, a business man with Levi as his partner, and even the owner of a fancy, swag car store.

It's just in his DNA to rise to the top of things - that's Erwin for you. Whatever career he has, he's high up and earns a lot of money. He's a workaholic through and through, no matter what universe you're in, he's going to struggle balancing his work life with his personal life. It's a major issue you'll have to tackle if you want to be romantically involved with him.

He takes Levi to get acupuncture to help with his insomnia. He's open minded and also suggests Tai-Chi.

Espresso's are basically pumped directly into this mans veins. None after 4 though, else he'll be up all night.

Always at his desk when he's home. Very rarely does he relax without intervention from you. You have to ask him to come watch some TV or read a book. He'll happily spend quiet time with you, he just needs reminding.

NSFW

Oh boy.

I've always cannoned Erwin as having a magic cock. It's so fat and big and shaped so beautifully ~ ahh.

I call it magic because it's basically a mini orgasm with each drag along your walls. And when you reach your golden end - you'll be knocked silly.

I'm talking eye rolls, drool, you'll flop like a rag doll as he pumps you into heaven.

His cock is addictive. Once Erwin inserts himself into you for the first time no other cock will ever do. It's just... magical.

A gentleman in the sheets too - unless you don't want him to be.

His load is so thick, like - McDonalds milkshake thick. And there's so much of it, he can fill you up until you're leaking and pull out and cover you.

The noises he makes consist of heavy, deep and almost guttural panting. Has such a sly smile while he watches how well your greedy insides take him.

Can and will preform oral on you for hours. Until your legs are shaking and you're begging for mercy.

Don't expect to ever be able to walk properly after he's done with you, 'cause you won't.

Kinks

There's two main (yet huge) moods Erwin has.

One is his praise kink. He worships you and your body. He'll tell you how gorgeous, strong, pretty, beautiful, perfect etc., you are. It really gets him going showing his king/queen how he sees you and making you feel good about yourself. Making you feel as good as you deserves is almost good enough to make him cum on the spot. But of course, he has amazing self-control and his stamina is second to none.

Then there's the other mood he has...

Having you dry hump him, beg him to pleasure you gets his motor running from 0 - 90.

If he's super busy he'll have you dry hump his tree trunk of a thigh while he fills in paper work, your desperate and pathetic body just pleading for him to see to you, the way only Erwin can. It won't last too long though - it turns him on too much and will end up throwing you on the desk and fucking you until you see stars.

Aftercare

No matter how busy he was when you started to fuck, he'll always take time to look after you after he's destroyed your insides.

Pillow talk, soft kisses, telling you how well you did and how you milk him dry so well.

Will get you a tray of food and a drink and will bring it up to bed for you. Fruits, croissants, yoghurt... mmm.

After a particularly long session, he'll wrap you up in the sheet and carry you to the shower; changing the bedding to a fresh set while you're in there. He'll lay out clean Pjs and have that tray of food waiting for you.

Always, always wraps his arms around you to fall asleep, his satisfied sighs in your ear always a joyous sound to end your day to.