#and ryan just dying laughing the whole time

[trashworldblog]

absolutely loved the roast of ryan bergara segment

[corroded-hellfire]

The Bunny and the Hair - Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: All you want is a cute photo of your daughter in her bunny costume and a photo of the whole Munson family together. But nothing is simple when the children of Eddie Munson are involved

Note: Happy Easter! Thank you to my darlings @munson-blurbs and @offensiunculaee for helping me brainstorm ideas when the only thing in my head was Eliza dressed as a bunny 💕

Words: 1.2k

[As You Wish masterlist]

“Aww, come on sweet pea. Give me a smile.”

Your five-month-old daughter does the very opposite of that. It seems that Eliza Munson has somehow perfected the art of giving a piercing glare before mastering sitting up on her own without being a little wobbly. 

The fuzzy white bunny suit she’s in, hood with ears and all, paints the most adorable picture you’ve ever seen. It would be even cuter if she would flash a brief look of glee for a single photo. This Easter is warmer than it’s been in the last few years and it’s easy to understand that she’s getting hot, which is making her cranky. But you just want one good picture. 

“Just one little smile for Mommy? Please?” You raise the small silver camera to your eye before remembering that this new fancy one has a digital screen where you can see what the picture will look like without squinting through a little hole. 

Deciding to start snapping shots and see what happens, your forefinger presses the small shiny button that makes a soft click after click. A giggle bubbles out of you as you notice your baby getting grumpier and grumpier with each shot. A flipbook would be a perfect place to put these photos and flip through them to see Eliza Hulk-out in real time. 

She is getting officially fed up now. 

“Boys?” you ask, glancing over your shoulder to where your husband and sons stand, watching your attempt at an infant photo shoot. “Can you make her smile so I can get one good shot? Then I’ll get her out of that.”

If anything can make Eliza laugh, it’s her brothers. Particularly Luke, he likes to remind people. 

“Sure,” Ryan says, looking around for any prop to assist him. His brown eyes snag on the eggs on the coffee table, the ones you and the boys had been in the middle of preparing to be dyed before Eddie came out with Eliza in all her fluffy glory. “Hey! Liza! Watch this!” He catches the baby’s eye and picks up one of the boiled eggs and jumps up, pretending to crack it over Eddie’s head. It brings a small smile out of your daughter. 

“Hey, hey!” Luke says, waving his arms to attract his little sister’s attention. “Eliza, look!” The younger Munson boy grabs an egg and props one socked foot on the edge of the coffee table to leverage himself up high enough to copy Ryan’s actions.

“Oh, Luke, that one wasn’t–”

Your warning comes too late. The ten-year-old had picked up one of the eggs that had yet to be boiled in preparation for decorating. This comes to light when Luke crushes the egg over his father’s head and runny yolk and gooey egg whites plop down onto Eddie’s hair and drip down his frizzy curls. 

The air feels as if it’s been sucked out of the room. All eyes are on Eddie as his shoulders bunch up towards his ears and his jaw drops open, a small dollop of yellow yolk falling onto his salt-and-pepper scruff. It’s hard to tell how long the room is frozen, silent until—

Furious giggles come from behind you and it breaks the tension that kept the four of you rooted to your spots. You whip your head around to see Eliza laughing so hard that she loses her balance and flops down onto her side, unable to remain sitting up straight on her own. Quickly, you’re able to set her up right again and grab the camera getting a few shots of her, giddy as can be in her bunny suit. 

Relieved that’s taken care of, you now turn back to look back at your husband, who hasn’t moved a muscle. Neither has Luke. 

It’s obvious to you by the look on Eddie’s face that he can tell that it was an accident, but your son is wide-eyed in fear, clearly not getting the same sense. 

“E-Eliza, say bye-bye to Luke cause Dad is gonna kill me,” Luke says softly, never taking his bright blue eyes from his father’s egg-covered form. 

Eddie takes a step towards Luke slowly, clearly wanting to keep Luke in suspense until the last second, before he wipes a large glob of the sticky egg goo from his own hair and rubs it into the little boy’s messy curls. A maniacal laugh erupts from deep within Eddie as he tugs Luke against his chest, not letting his son get away as he squirms and squeals, trying to escape the shared messiness. Despite his protests, when Luke pulls back and looks up at his dad, he’s laughing. 

Watching the two of them in amusement, you put your hands on your hips and shake your head. Never a dull moment with the Munson men. The two of them continue to rub egg on one another as you turn towards the only clean boy in the house.

“Ryan, can you go get Eliza out of her costume? Last thing we need is her overheating.”

“Yeah, you get cranky enough already,” Ryan tells his baby sister as he scoops her up. Eliza gives a little harumph, but you think that’s more from the way the twelve-year-old holds onto her tightly than offense at his words. 

You set the camera down on the coffee table, making sure it isn’t near any of the eggs.

“Damn,” you say. “Forgot to get a family picture.”

“We’ll take one when Ry and Eliza come back out,” Eddie says, dodging Luke’s sticky fingers. 

“That’s gonna look great with you two looking like you fell in a vat of slime,” you say with a laugh. 

Your husband and his mini me only continue to get messier until you hear Ryan’s footsteps coming back down the hall toward the living room. The moment your eyes land on your daughter’s new ensemble, you have to do a double take. Eliza is beaming in her brother’s arms, wearing her bright pink bathing suit covered in large, white polka dots. 

Left speechless, your eyes widen and you’re only able to gesture with your hands towards the swimsuit.

Ryan shrugs as he hefts his sister up on his hip. “She grabbed it when I opened her drawer. And you said you didn't want her overheating.”

Your gaze slides from Eliza, over to Luke and Eddie, then back to Ryan.

“You and I are going to be the ones who stick out in the Easter picture,” you tell your oldest. “We look normal.”

“You mean we don’t look normal?” Luke asks, jumping on his dad’s back and scrunching up the man’s eggy curls. 

Sighing and shaking your head in amusement, you snatch up the camera and fiddle with it until you set the timer for three minutes. The entertainment unit is the perfect height to rest the camera so it can get a good shot of the whole family. You set it on the shelf right above the television and nod your family over toward where the lens is facing.

Eddie, still sporting Luke as a backpack, walks over and stands on your right. Ryan, carrying a still-beaming Eliza tucks into your left side. It’s impossible not to look over the gang around you, letting out a laugh as you take in the chaotic bunch.

“Smile!” Luke instructs everyone.

Eddie slips his hand around your waist and pulls your side flush up against his, squishing some of the egg whites against you, causing you to let out a squeal of laughter just as the flash of the camera goes off. Your husband grins and presses a big wet kiss on your cheek

“Now that picture’s gonna be a keeper,” he says. 

[sexlapis]

hi stella! so i remember rachel mcadams and ryan gosling winning “best kiss” at an award show bc of the notebook and when they go up stage they recreate that kiss ….. so what about actor toji and reader doing it???

OMG?? anon your mind?????????????????!!!!!!

this is the kiss btw !!!!

‘BEST KISS’

౨ৎ actor toji x actress/actor reader

kissing! kissing! kissing!

masterlists

actor!toji masterlist

౨ৎ

the romance film you and toji starred in exceeded everyone’s already high expectations. it became the best performing romance film of the year and one of the most successful films of that same year, period.

but was anyone surprised? not really.

people loved you. people loved toji. people loved you and toji. people loved you and toji together, especially when you were both kissing and fucking in an intense, angsty, emotional-rollercoaster of a romance film.

the public all had their speculations and assumptions about whether you and toji were really together or not, but tonight, after this award show? this very moment erased any doubts in their minds.

it was time to announce the nominees for the (only) category you and toji were nominated for, ‘Best Kiss’.

you turn around and look at toji who is seated behind you and grin toothily at him, giving small claps. he smirks, giving you a sleazy wink.

when the exaggerated, deep voice booms from the speakers, announcing you and toji as nominees and displaying the kiss scene on the vast plasma screen, the crowd grows crazy, chaotic almost - they’re screaming like they’re fucking dying. and that’s when you and toji both know you’ve got this in the bag.

you almost feel bad for the other nominees and at how the crowd essentially goes quiet at their scenes. oh well.

shoko and gojo are there to announce the winners.

“and the ‘best kiss’ goes to…” shoko trails off, building anticipation as gojo opens the card that states the award winner.

“ha! someone’s that’s gonna be cleaning up tonight.” gojo laughs “..toji fushiguro and _____!”

the audience began to shriek before they even got through toji’s whole name.

you and toji look at each other and smile, knowingly. knowing the shit you were both about to cause with what you’re about to do.

standing up languidly, toji places a hand on your back as you two stroll right up to the stage, the crowd deafening you at this point.

the steps lead to a double path in the stage and you and toji part ways temporarily, walking around to be opposite each other.

you unbutton your cardigan and let it drop to the floor, hearing whistles and cheers in the pools of crowds next to you, reaching their hands out and screaming your name.

toji begins fake stretching, jumping up and down like he is about to exercise and you giggle at his antics before making a serious face, gazing at him in mock seduction.

he begins striding towards you across the length of the stage, making a ‘come here’ with a long, thick fingers. and you’re like a magnet, rushing towards him, the audience rising in volume as you two grow closer together.

and then you’re jumping up on him, wrapping your legs around his waist as his roughly smashes his lips onto yours and shoves his tongue into your mouth. you accept it, gleeful with his actions, knowing that people will not stop talking about this moment for weeks.

your hands are tugging at his hair and his large hands cup your ass as you both make the fuck out in front of sea of people, who are now louder than you even thought was possible.

toji bites your bottom lip, sucking gently, before finally pulling away from a kiss that lasted what felt like an eternity.

realising what has just transpired, even though you both planned this, you feel embarrassed. you cover you hot face as toji carried you to the podium, your ears ringing from the nonstop echo of the crowds cheers, jeers, whistles and screams.

toji sets you down on your feet and urges you to speak in the microphone. you huff and puff, not really wanting to talk after that…stunt you just pulled.

“toji!” you growl. “get up here!”

“alright, alright..” toji sighs, picking up the trophy of popcorn and holding it up. “i would just like to say…that it was my pleasure.”

his words make the fans go insane again, some members demanding an encore of that steamy kiss.

sighing, you take you trophy and toji places a sweet kiss on your temple. you both walk away side by side, leaving the chaos of the crowd behind as you go to walk backstage. toji reaches down and swings your fallen cardigan over his shoulder, smiling, clearly smug and satisfied with himself.

he looks down at you and you blink up at him, biting the inside of your cheek. you take in his tight, black top, shamelessly staring at his pecs and thick neck as you walk.

toji notices. and when you look him in the eye again, he winks.

a/n: anon what if i diedddd!!!!😩😩😩😩

[eyesthecolorofarson]

It’s a meme, Batman

Bruce never thought he would say this, but he regrets pushing Damian to make friends.

If he’d known all those years ago it would result in a media scandal that was practically a cosmic watergate, he would have kept Damian confined to the cave for the rest of his life. The worst part was that it was all harmless, just teenagers having fun on an improve show.

He’d gotten the link to the livestream through Oracle, who’d been laughing so hard he was worried she’d been injected with Joker venom. He got more worried when her laughter increased at the knowledge the whole family was in the cave. She insisted he play the livestream on the main computer, and like a fool, he’d trusted her and did just that.

It looked to be….the improve show Whose line is it, anyway? But the usual comedians, Ryan Stiles, Colin Morchie and Wayne Brady were sitting next to host Drew Carey and—Damian in his Robin uniform, Phantom, Superboy, Royal, Fireworks, and Wendigo. He heard the others laugh and ask the appropriate question ‘what the fuck is he doing??’ A question he himself was asking.

He took a step back to asses the situation; Royal, Dove Elopeman, was a metahuman born in Lapa, Rio Di Janiero who was apart of the new batch of superheroes. Royal had bronze skin a similar shade to Damian’s, with black wavy hair just below her shoulders and purple eyes. Royal was brought in fairly quickly after Martian Manhunter realized just how powerful her mind-control ability was, after he’d spent three months under her control, during which she found and took control of Khloé Kardashian and not only robbed her but blew up her house. She had a surprisingly pronounced figure for her age, 14, and used her body to get close to people and then take them down, usually incredibly violently. Royal showed no remorse for her incredible viciousness, due to her usual targets being sex traffickers and pedophiles.

Fireworks, Lydia Lippet, was a metahuman born in Perth, Scotland who has the odd ability to bring anything she draws to life. Fireworks was African with curly hair dyed baby blue styled in a side-parted bob, with metallic gold eyes. This ability was realized at a young age, but thankfully her parents didn’t use it for their own gain. Her parents raised her as if it was perfectly normal, and Fireworks did nothing too extreme with her powers until she was 13, when she brought a Pokémon into existence, the first time she brought something to life with her powers. This immediately made the Justice League aware of her existence, and once the JLD looked into her and went ballistic at the implications of what she was capable of, essentially forced them to bring her in as a new hero. Thankfully she was open to the idea, but unfortunately also expressed no remorse or sympathy for her actions.

Wendigo is the newest, and most unfortunate case. She had silver skin and was tall, about 6’9, and usually her hair was white but now for some reason it was hot pink. It was still incredibly long, almost touching her ankles, and her eyes were ultramarine blue. Research shows that before she was born the Native American tribe she was apart of went through a famine, in which many of her tribe resorted to cannibalism in order to survive. The reason her parents abandoned her deep in the Canadian forests is largely unknown, as is her parents location and names, but it is abundantly obvious they had committed cannibalism, which apparently caused a spirit of winter to latch onto her as a fetus and merge with her body and soul. That’s what the LJD concluded after a three-day long ‘study’ of her. This ‘study’ was concluded after Wendigo was rescued from Lexcorp, having mutilated and eaten over thirty of his men and injured Luthor himself. She didn’t speak, and only communicated with sounds and birdcalls, and, like the others, was violent without remorse.

Phantom was somehow the easiest to understand. He had light blue grey skin and pure white hair, as well as Lazarus green eyes, tongue, and blood. An Ohio resident, Danny Fenton was recruited after the Justice League investigated the Ghost Investigation Ward and the Anti-Ecto Acts, after it was found he was not only partially undead but also the only person capable of fighting against these world-ending threats without rascist-like judgement. Phantom was nervous about joining, mostly because of Deadman’s constant harassment about being ‘twinzies’ but agreed on the notion that his sister would get a full ride into any college she wanted. Phantom isn’t violent on purpose, but ends up being so due to him not knowing how to hold back.

Phantom was one stage with Damian, while the girls and Superboy were sitting with the host and other comedians. Everyone was laughing, and even Damian had a slight smirk on his face. Royal reached into the hat and pulled out a slip of paper, snorting and covering her mouth as she read the slip. “Batman….interrogating the Joker.” “Roll for an image!” Fireworks called, her accent thick as she pressed a button that caused the projector to roll through a variety of images before stopping on a very odd one that caused Tim to choke and Stephanie to begin roaring with laughter.

It was two over-sexualized wolf woman wearing skimpy clothes with different game logos with the words ‘Face it, you’d play with both of them’. Phantom leaned back and hovered in the air, laughing as Damian turned to fireworks with a raised eyebrow. “I didn’t choose it, it’s just from the internet.” Fireworks drawled, taking a hit from her vape and blowing pink smoke out through her nose. Damian and Phantom stared at each other for a second before they both smirked, Phantom cracking his knuckles before leaning forward. At Drew Carey’s mark, the bit began.

Phantom and Damian stared at each other in silence for a second before Damian, in a perfect impression of Bruces voice, said “What is this.” Phantom, in the Jokers voice, replied “It’s a meme, Batman.” Immediately the crowd, and his children, were roaring with laughter. He could already feel the building dread. “I don’t understand.” Damian said in his voice. “What do you not understand?” Phantom replied in Jokers, somehow sounding tired of him at the same time.

“I don’t get the joke.” God, how was Damian making him sound exactly like him but also so pathetic at the same time? “Well, you see, people only usually play on one console.” Phantom held up a finger as he levitated in the air in a casual position, making the room(and his children)laugh again. He motioned to the picture. “But both these woman are so attractive, you’d wanna to play with both.” Phantom playfully stuck his tongue out at the end, to the humor of everyone.

“But they aren’t consouls.” Damian said in his voice. Phantom pulled out his phone and began pretending to text. The crowd and his kids laughed again. “The shirts their wearing have the consul logos on the—“ “What are you, some kind of furry?” Oh god how did he learn that? Another part of his brain knew that realistically it wasn’t that outlandish, but it felt like just yesterday he was eight and had brought home a cat he’d named after Alfred.

“You’re the one here wearing an animal costume.” Phantom still sounded judgmental, and for a second it was silent before Damian grabbed him and slammed his head into the wall. The crowd and his kids laughed again, and Drew Carey called scene. He looked back at his kids. Dick, Tim, Duke and Stephanie were sitting and roaring with laughter. Cass was kneeling down and trying to help Jason, who was curled into a ball on the ground and crying with laughter.

“I think the best part about this….” Drew started, but stopped to laugh again before continuing, “I think the best part about this is the implication that Batman knows enough about internet lingo to know what a furry is, but not enough to understand memes.” Damian nodded at him. “That is a true statement.” The crowd, and his kids, laughed again. He felt the dread grow at Phantoms motion for silence.

“I’ve had this one saved in my note app the day the interview was shared.” He grinned, before clearing his throat and speaking in Jokers voice. “You know, my father….”

Jason gasped and sat up, whispering in joyful disbelief, “oh my god.”

“…..was a gamer.”

Everyone began laughing so hard he almost couldn’t hear his brain imploding. Jason was choking on his tears, Colin Mochrie had his head on the table, Wendigo was looking around from her seat like a confused puppy. “….And a weeb.” Jason fell back and Cass was hovering, unsure if he was actually in pain or not. Dick dropped down to help, but he was also laughing so hard he was falling over.

“And one night….he got gassed up on his G-fuel CRAZIER than usual….” Fireworks began slamming her fist on the table, wheezing with excitement and leaning again Superboy, who was coughing on his laughter. “Mommy grabs the Wi-Fi to defend herself. He doesn’t like that….” He leans forward, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. “Not…..one……bit.”

“So….” Phantom almost broke character at Wayne Brady saying ‘I’m crying’ in a choked voice. “He takes out his phone and turns on his 4G.” Phantom was leaning forward so much Damian had to lean back. “He turns off the Wi-Fi on his PC and connects to his phone….” He leaned forward again, making Damian lean back even more. “….laughing while he does it.”

“My mother can’t stand the sight of him!” Jason and Dick were now laying next to each other, Cass making very worried hand motions. Stephanie was making calls and spreading the word of this live-stream. Duke looked dead. Tim was calling Conner to inform him of his little brothers whereabouts, also crying.

“She just wants to have dinner….TOGETHER….and not have him have KFC in his room anymore!” The crowd is roaring with laughter. Wendigo was chirping worryingly at Superboy, who was crying like Royal and Fireworks. Phantom watches the crowd laugh. “They eventually get a divorce.” This causes everyone to begin laughing again. Bruce felt like dying as his phone begins to ring, the caller ID telling him it was Barry Allen.

[chronicallycouchbound]

Winter Solstice Reflections / Homeless Persons Memorial Day

I was 16 when I moved from the Pacific Northwest to New England. I had recently come out as trans, and I was hoping the move would be a fresh start. But the physical abuse I had already been facing at home escalated. 

It was two days after Christmas when I was told to leave and never come back, so I packed what little belongings I had into a bag as quickly as I could and rushed out the door. I didn’t have food or a plan or anywhere to stay. 

It’s my luck that the first blizzard I ever experienced was on my first night of homelessness here. I remember the cold night air on my freshly bruised skin and it felt nice. It felt like freedom. As I crossed the bridge from one town to the next, the snowflakes were still small and gently falling. 

In exactly one week, it will mark 8 years since that first night in the cold. It wasn’t my first or last time being homeless, but it was the longest time, and I didn’t know many people, let alone people I could live with.

Most often, I stayed in the middle of nowhere. I slept on floors, in cars, on benches, under awnings, in abandoned buildings; and anywhere I could put my backpack down as a pillow and throw my jacket over me as a blanket. The cold no longer felt comforting– it was a threat to my existence. I prayed every time I closed my eyes to not freeze to death. 

I didn’t have proper clothes— Chuck Taylors which had too many holes to count, basketball shorts worn under my pants that were two sizes too big for me, well-loved band tees, and a jacket that wasn’t even close to waterproof. I felt cold in my bones. 

On nights I had nowhere else, I walked around all night until McDonald’s or Dunkin opened up. I remember counting steps to focus on anything but the stinging of cold. I would go into the bathroom and run my hands under the faucet until they turned from pale blue to bright red. My hands burned when they finally thawed out. Eventually, the blue became just another thing to carry with me, like my backpack and the weight of homelessness. 

For a few months, I spent nights all over the county, and then, after finally getting permission from my parents to access it, stayed at the youth shelter for three years. On my first night at the shelter, I arrived late– nearly midnight. I was afraid to go in. But, they set me up a bed anyway. 

Soon after I laid down, a guy a few years older than me came in from work. His bed was right next to mine. He leaned over and whispered to me in the darkness that if I needed anything, just to let him know. His name was Peter. 

That was the year I met my street mom who told me I reminded her of her younger self. Her name was Sarah. I couch-surfed with Abby, who always snuck me extra pizza from her work so I wouldn’t go hungry. 

Living at the shelter I met Ryan, who made us laugh as if it kept us warm. And Ariah gave anyone anything they needed if she had it. I miss Peter, and Sarah, and Abby, and Ryan, and Ariah, and all the many other friends I’ve lost. 

My friends were people who stood up for me, who gave me the clothes off their backs, food off their plates, and cared for me better than family. We all struggled together and never had to explain ourselves. We were welcome just as we were. 

It’s hard for me to exist in this town sometimes. I walk around and can see all the places where I nearly died, where someone else died, or where I slept at night. I’ve lost count of all the people I’ve lost over the years. I have fond memories of rooms and cars filled with people smiling and telling jokes, and then I remember that I’m the only one still alive out of all of us.  

People tell me I should feel lucky to have survived, congratulating me. Acting like I should be proud to "overcome" while the system still hurts us all. As my friends– my family, are still in the streets dying. I feel guilty to just be alive. Our whole community is grieving all the time. 

Tonight, as the sun sets, the temperature will feel like 2 degrees. There will be 15 hours and 18 minutes of darkness. This is only the beginning of a long, cold winter. Our community members will still be in the cold. We are still dying for warmth. 

We don’t need art installations, we don’t need benches with three bars, we don’t need air b&bs. We need fewer barriers and more supports. We need safe, stable, reliable, and affordable housing. We’ve needed it for a long time. As my good friend Ariah always said, “Keep your coins, we want change”

(From my speech on 12/21/23 for National Homeless Persons Memorial Day)

[fkinavocado]

So, Cricket World Cup is going on, I live and breathe that game lol and I happen to have a massive crush on this cricketer, he is quite literally the 🐐 of the game and on 23rd he played the greatest knock of his career in front of 90,000+ spectators in Australia, and it changed the whole trajectory of my life, I am suddenly a way more positive and fun person than I was before I witnessed that magic 🤣 and my fiance who is also a massive fan of the game has started showing signs of jealously with my celebrity crush,because I gush on him so much lmao. I love when my fiance gets jealous, it makes him hotter.

So, I was wondering if Y/N has a celebrity crush. Maybe some actor? What if she is watching some movie on a weekend with Harry and happens to have a crush on the lead actor (childhood celeb crush) I am pretty sure it will not go well with DI Harry 🤣🤣 I am dying to see his reaction, I am sure even if she is not as crazy as I am, he will still not like the idea of her gushing on another man celeb or not.

harry grimaced when you suggested it "a musical? i don't know..."

"oh come on, that's not the point. it's supposed to be a really good movie! got a ton of oscars"

you watched him mull it over while he was waiting for the popcorn to pop, and then just decided to search for la la land on netflix since he wasn't exactly saying no to your proposition, either.

he finally made his way to the couch and sat on his designated spot, waiting for you to cuddle into his side before pulling the throw blanket over you. he never used it himself, he was kind of a living breathing furnace, but you- you were always cold.

he then placed the popcorn bowl on his lap and finally glanced at the tv and scoffed "oh, alright. i see how this is"

you pouted "I mean, you didn't say no to it, so i just decided to search for it but we can watch something else, harry. it's fine"

"not what i meant" he singsonged to himself and you pulled away a bit, inspecting his features

"what are you on about?"

harry raised an eyebrow at you and smirked at your apparently genuine confusedness "you gonna act all innocent? like you're picking this movie for any other reason than the male lead?"

"the wha-- what, ryan gosling? you think i picked this movie 'cause he stars in it?"

"i mean, he was in that movie we went to see back home. the one you tricked me into watching"

you stared at him, mouth agape in mock offense "i did not! may i remind you, you surprised me and took me to see the notebook"

"ah! but i didn't know it'd be the notebook, did i?"

you squinted your eyes at him "your point?"

harry shrugged and began picking at the kernels "'m just saying. you got a crush on him or summat?"

you let out an incredulous laugh "are you serious right now?"

harry sighed dramatically "just play the movie. i'll allow it. no kink shaming in this house"

"as i live and breathe..." you beamed

"--before i change my mind."

"you're actually jealous"

"...these need more salt"

"you're adorable" you kissed the corner of his mouth and settled back into his side

"mhm. this guy better work his charm because i'm not wasting any time on foreplay afterwards" he then kissed the top of your head tenderly, a stark contrast to the tone of his voice and his heated warning

you bit your lower lip, swallowing a comeback. instead you whispered loud enough for him to hear over the opening credits "yes, daddy"

Daddy issues- Masterlist

[olivia091108]

Drunken haze

Summary:you and Steve o on a night out

Word count: 1342

Pairing:Steve o x reader

The whole of the jackass crew was out celebrating the wrap of jackass the movie at a bar even tho we’re all so fucking tired. I wore a black mini skirt and a crop top which makes my boobs look tit-tastic and wearing some black boots suck look so sexy.

We all got here about 11:30 and got straight into shots before Chris dares me to do a suicide shot and he will buy me my next 5 drinks and that was a done deal even though it hurt like a Bitch all of them cheered me on though and I did try to convince Preston to do it with me but he pussied out

1:00am

Bams walked in carrying a skateboard he must’ve stolen from someone outside and I quickly grabbed my drink off the bar before bam skated across knocking loads of peoples drinks off.

I was dying of laughter clinging onto Ryan so I don’t fall when a biker started to chase bam around the bar cos he knocked his drink and wasn’t paying even though we all know bam has the money.

I don’t know what happened but bam walked back in through the front door and had a huge smile on his face he probably messed with the guy and did something horrible like usual.

1:30

The bar was still thriving which made it even harder for us to get served with the rest of the crowed shouting at the bar tenders to make their drinks. So we lifter wee man over and he grabbed a few bottles from behind the bar and passed them over quickly and we scurried to the back of the bar and I challenged Johnny to a bet

Who’ve can get darf out first chooses the losers punishment

“Dave come do shots!” I get Dave to do 4 shots with me bffs Knox drags him away and it goes back and forth and to be honest I thought darf would be here by now.

I head to the bathroom and as soon as I come out I see darf running about and sweating in peoples faces once he spots me he picks me up and drops me onto ehren and we just watch darf mess about.

“Darf I dare you to snort the salt”Steve o says already making a big line

This goes on for a good hour at least until he started to pick up the chairs and dash it across the bar probably hitting people and he had to be escorted out and Preston left with him saying that he needs to get up early. BORE

3:00

Let’s do some body shots bam shouts and they all get very excited to do it all hoping to do it with me.

Y/n since your the only lovely lady here were drawing tooth picks whoever gets shortest does it.

I slowly see each of their faces drop once they pick their stick until ryan happily shouts that he had the shortest.

Mom the table y/n Ryan tells me I can hear the excitement in his voice

Actually Dunn I was thinking that I do the body shot off you.

Alright but be warned I haven’t showed in a couple days.

I lick his neck and put some salt on put the lime in his mouth and then begin. I slowly lick off the salt making the group oooh and drink the shot no hands and take the kind out his mouth by kissing him a bit wich I hope he enjoyed.

The night carried on like this till 3:45 when everyone was getting tired and wanted to leave

Cmon guys one more hour

Nah it’s late I’m gonna pass out soon

I ahve press in the morning Jeff would kill me if I’m too hungover

Sorry y/n next time

With all of them leaving I knew who I could count on to stay. I grab Steve o’s hand and get on my knees and start begging him to stay

Steve o please you know how much fun we have don’t be boring just another hour.

“Yeah dude.” I jump up and fling myself onto him and he spins em round before we say bye and head back into the bar.

We drink a lot more and still ahve as much fun without them. With Steve o anything could be fun even doing bills he would do something to make me laugh.

5:00

We were the last two inside and they have been asking us to leave but we don’t want to just yet steve o even tried to but the bar so we could stay longer.

I climbed onto the bar and pretended to be a stripper on the counter but when the a manger came out and started to shout at us and call the police I grabbed some tequila and grabbed onto Steve o’s shoulder and he helped me jump down and we ran out of their even with my heals I could outrun him.

“Omg Steve I’m so hungry are you hungry?”

“I’m fucking starving”

“Let’s go and get a kebab”

5:30

We are walking down the street and both devouring the dinner kebab when Steve o makes me laugh so much and I put my hand out to grab onto the pole but miss it by a mile and I just feel my body collide with the floor.

It doesn’t even hurt i just start laughing and hear Steve o begin to aswell until he’s crouching holding his stomach. Once our laughter has died down i see that Steve o dropped the rest of the kebab and I roughly push him.

“M’ tired”

“Samesies my place isn’t far but help me take this stupid boots off please” I bat my eyes at him and he helps me take them off and we both start waking with my boots in my left hand and I try to dodge all the broken glass

It took us twice as long as it should’ve because we were winging to eatchother and he kept putting his whole body weight on me and I thought he fell asleep then and there.

We get to my apartment building and get into the elavator and one of the other men on my floor was in there he looks like he’s going to work. Steve o stands behind him and starts to copy him wich makes us both laugh before receiving a dirty look from him and the rest of the ride up we both laugh while shushing the other.

I fumble with the key and slip it into the lock and swing the door open “stevie cmon your gonna get cold” I grab his hand and pull him up from the floor which I’m sure he would’ve slept on

I keep ahold of his hand and keep a firm grip once his eyes latch onto the sofa and continue to pull him towards my room. We both flop down onto the top of the covers and I start trying to remove my uncomfortable party clothes. Once I slide off my skirt and top I’m left in just my thong and I move over to Steve o and help him get out of his clothes but he’s not moving so it’s a lot harder than I thought.

Stevie please just sit up for literally one second I’m tryna help. He does and I raise his arms and take off his shirt revealing his hot torso I then drag his jeans down leaving him in just his boxers.

“Thanks babe” I love when steve o calls me that even though he calls everyone that I feel special when he says it to me. I slide under the covers and steve o follows suite and he’s just as quick to push himself right up against me and wrap his arms round me and lay his head on my chest using my boobs as pillows and he starts to grope them whispering things to himself and soon we are both asleep when the sun starts to come up.

I love nights out with Steve o

Omg this is actually horrendous they barley even fancied eatchother and that maybe I’ll redo it or just fix it when I have the time

Speaking of I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a week I’ve had so much home work and I’ll try and post more often (I literally only have 19 followers don’t thing anyone noticed lol)

Requests always open 😁

-liv

[clonemedickix]

You remember that whole Umbara Arc, when Kix lost his cool and so desperately tried to pull his brothers to safety and render aid, even though it was hopeless and at risk of his own life? Everybody was present with him that day, given a little insight into his perspective. Or, who remembers the medic from Saving Private Ryan, who did the same in more graphic fashion, risking his life and losing it because it was better than watching others suffer?

I know how they felt. Not in the sense of my brothers and sisters are dying in a war, though we fight a different type or war. But in the perspective of watching the inevitable clutches of death take your patient, no matter how you fight, no matter the highly trained skills, no matter the expensive equipment and priceless experience brought to bear. Or when you realize that perhaps you’ve gone past the point of humane, trapping a soul in a broken body that can no longer support them. When no one listens to you, when you want to help but have your hands tied. When that ONE THING eludes you that could have helped. When you’ve moved so past the point of desperate that your team’s humor takes on a dark shape and you can only laugh to stave off the feelings of insanity at what you’re doing, how hopeless you feel, how much you’d like to leave and scream in a quiet place. When you feel invisible because everyone else has such tunnel vision they can no longer hear a voice of concern or reason.

It’s not because people don’t care. Rather, everyone cares so much that they really no longer know what to do. And so every team member walks away wondering if they did enough. Did they fail the patient? Did they miss the piece that could have fixed it all? Were they too afraid to speak up when that would have helped? Could they have saved that patient if only they’d done a little more, had some other idea, pushed that blood faster… anything. At the end of it all you’re left in silence, trying to recover and make sense of the storm. You’re left with ghosts, which will never leave you. Haunted by those you couldn’t save, who whisper to you in the quiet.

It’s not really even their voices you hear - it’s your self condemnation for not beating Death, for not being enough. Or at least, that’s what a good medic hears. The ones who care enough to let it drive you to save the next one. The ones who fight on in your memory, learn from the mistakes and the pain and the loss, who willingly carry your ghost with them for the rest of their lives and to the end of their usefulness.

I once had an experienced coworker from another specialty tell me, “You’re not normal. This unit is not normal. You should not walk among the dead like you’re in a war zone, and just go on to the next patient. How do you do this job?”

Because there’s always the next person you COULD save. Because life is worth fighting for. Because even after all the grief and failure and loss and heartbreak, somehow we stand up to try again. Because we have hope. Or at least, that’s what we tell ourselves when the call comes out for the next run. When we pull ourselves back together, shut our eyes to the devastation, and try again. This time we will win.

In the silence, I know what Kix felt, when Rex wrenched him from the line of fire. We can’t save them all, but by god will we try.

[petty-crush]

“Barbie” (2023)

-a big budget, pop art, visually interesting film with a vibrant personality. I love it!

-also, easily the best use of Ryan Gosling since “Drive”

-I’m truly impressed with what Greta Gerwig got away with here.

+she crammed this with energy and made me hearty laugh the whole time

-the story is Barbie discovering sadness, the real world, clashing with the patriarchy, and just the wonderment of being a woman

-there’s a couple small details I want to highlight before the big stuff

-Kate McKinnon’s look is almost certainly inspired by the awesome cult film “Liquid Sky”, another tone poem of a film

-the small, tender scene of Barbie telling the old woman (at the bus stop) she’s beautiful, and said woman saying “I know” with a vicious smirk is magical

+it says just as much as the soon to be famous “being a woman is impossible” monologue in its own beautiful warmth

-the opening riff on “2001: A Space Odyssey” is the film personified; irreverent, playing with greatness, funny, colorful, and just a blast

-(after a man notes he is not part of the board) “I’m a guy with no power...does that make me a woman?

-I like how there are two matrix tributes; picking between two choices/shoes (original) and the at first mysterious Ruth being the Oracle (“Reloaded”)

-“after I found out the patriarchy didn’t include horses, I honestly lost interest”

-alright then, onto the big pillars

-here is a film saying, with all earnestness and actual thought, that we should approach our hearts with collectivism, bond over our shared yearns and desires and messiness

-(only a scold could say this film excludes love, a scold who didn’t actually watch the film and just wants any kind of attention)

-Margot Robbie nails every bit, from first thinking about dying, to discovering tears, to making Barbie’s naïveté to growth a journey of substance

-this film is unapologetic about being feminist (which shocked the fuck out of me) and does so with actual insight, not checking off a list (which is rad)

-note too, cause grumps will try to bury this, it asks men to not define themselves by conquering others, or stepping on necks, but by creating worth on their own goals and just being present in the moment. It asks them to free themselves from their own shackles

-there is a certain richness to male characters when female directors (and writers, etc) take over; new colors are displayed in the rainbow

-it is so immensely satisfying to see actual sets (practical, on camera) and vivid primary colors (after years of blurred muted-ness)

+its value in the aesthetic form and character of the film is immeasurable

-there isn’t a single false note in the “impossible to be a woman” speech, aptly delivered by America Ferrara. It simply presents itself with the courage of its convictions

-said being truly sucks and absolutely rules; the sheer inconsistency is its beauty and power. Neatness does not contain growth

-I like how the film emphasizes the under seen will truly change and save the world

-oh, I almost forgot to mention; I just about rolled out of my chair at the ribbing of zealots for the Synder cut of Justice League

-this is an artificiality to this film that is staggeringly authentic

-this is truly one of the best examples of just being the world and subverting the world in the 2020’s (and frankly all time); this will be studied and admired for years

-also also, the battle at the beach and the dance street fight among Ken’s is an all timer of a scene (it uses the past to power the present)

-I have a sneaking suspicion this may be the “Iron Man”(2008) to the upcoming Mattel cinematic universe; the vast number of following films will largely be less interesting, less full of the personality of its creators (with some exceptions)

-but this film is worth it; it is alive and joyful. It cannot be accountable for the world(s) that comes after it, only how it exists during its run time.

-and, truly, Gerwig has made something special here. It’s just going to make the lives of everyone who accepts it for what it is (love and color of form) many times better. It is a triumph

[peejsocks]

don’t know why but i was hit with this idea and had to write it

hcs for the guys being in love with someone who isn’t too comfortable with affection/romance

johnny

takes the crown of clingiest bf proudly

he is an undying romancer

big gestures, even bigger declarations

with you, he’s going to need a serious re education

but being the lover boy he is, he’ll want to understand exactly what are the dos and don’ts

he wants you to be happy by his side, obviously

“so where do we stand on flowers?”

it would come down to a lot of communicating

but he’d def try to bring you out of your comfort zone too

planning romantic getaways (even after you squirm at the mention of the term) and booking excruciating couple’s activities

surprises you with a free couple’s yoga class for laughs

“look, baby, they seem so happy, why don’t we try it?” - poking your sides insufferably, laughing at your disgusted face

kind of the black cat x golden retriever dynamic (dying i want to write a whole fic on this one)

grabbing your face and kissing your cheek, “y/n looooves when i do that”, cackling

lots of pats on top of your head

“don’t want you to bite me”

being the first person to not fall for the southern charm and the dolls, sweethearts and ma’ams

“like, it’s nice when you use it on old ladies because you’re being polite, which is very hot! but when you use it on me it kinda makes my skin crawl.”

“what about when i use it on other good-looking young ladies?”

yes he’d try to make you jealous (in a playful way) just to then tease you about showing your feelings for him

“wait, baby, are you jealous right now? aw, do you like me?” - stupid fucking whiny voice

it works, and you begrudgingly accept his ‘i’m sorry’ hugs

it’s a game of cat and mouse, but it’s harmless

and you’d lowkey have sm fun with him testing your limits

ryan

i think it would make you the cool couple

aloof, chill, a little bit intimidating

it’s like you’re both so confident and secure in your feelings for each other that you don’t need to show it to anybody

that being said, you’re so avert to touching in public that you end up surprising people who don’t know you’re a couple

like hanging out side by side all night but not doing anything suggestive, until you turn around and sit on ryan’s lap and viciously make out in front of everyone

“sometimes, i even forget they’re dating” - pontius

ryan’s really cool about you not being that affectionate

the only thing he will not compromise on is having a possessive grip on you at most times

around your waist or on your thigh, one of your legs bouncing across his

it’s hard, but you learn to get comfortable with it

he’s just very protective, constantly concerned about your safety

so at first you struggle to tell him he doesn’t need to hold your hand everywhere you go

“i’m not five, i won’t get lost”

it’s a point of contention, for sure, but he always manages to make you laugh in the middle of an argument with jokes like putting you on a leash or handcuffs

“i don’t care that you don’t like it, you’re gonna hold my hand and look both ways before crossing the street!” - ryan, forcefully pulling you along like a bratty kid while you giggle on the background

making a sketch for cky where you go on the streets of WC wearing one of those backpacks with a leash attached to it

“i’m training my partner to make them love me more by forcing them to stick right by my side.” - ryan, talking to a confused elderly passing by

jokingly calling ryan ‘the wife/the misses’

being that couple that acts married but shit talks wedding ceremonies and gets worked up together making fun of the matrimonial system

will slip up and call you love, angel and darling even though you’re not big on those

instead of getting mad, you tease him in front of his frieds

“what did you just call me? when did you get so soft?”

it’s everyone’s favorite joke because he blushes like hell

in private you’re more relaxed and let him call you whatever he wants, but stick to referring to him as ‘dude’ and ‘my guy’

he loses it every time (you know that big dunn belly laugh)

bam

i’m convinced he’d think you hate him at least eight times a day

he’d ask about three or four

he’s not big on pda anyway, but his ego is pretty needy and he loves pet names

the problem is you hate them.

or at least, they make you uncomfortable

“it sounds fake! i don’t know!”

“but i love you and-” *you squirming at the three little words*

“see! i can’t even say that i love you! how am i supposed to date someone like that?”

he’s outraged but it’s actually the funniest thing in the world for him and he wouldn’t have you any other way

as for public demonstrations of love, i can see him being into words of affirmation and not so much physical touch and you being the other way around

so it’s just the two of you in a constant war of who can out gross the other faster

you caress his cheek, he calls you pumpkin. messing with his hair and he yells on the street, at the top of his lungs, that you’re his honeybun

the day you’re checking into a hotel and the receptionist calls you by his last name your face goes green and he can’t stop laughing for ten minutes

once he referred to you as the love of his life and you froze, stuttering through your sentence just to end up with “and you, as well”

you laugh about it and kiss him in front of everyone to make up for it

when you do have sincere public showings of affection, everyone woos and awes (especially april and phil)

both of you get very shy and flushed

when you’re alone, he’ll surprise tackle you or jump you when you’re walking out of a room and pepper your face with kisses

“helping you get used to it”

he takes second place for needy bf, and he likes to kiss, so you better get used to it

secretly, bam is very clingy and constantly needs to ask for your attention

it leads to a lot of apologizing and learning how to love him right, but he’s glad you like him enough to adapt

[corroded-hellfire]

I don’t have a great idea or prompt but your As You Wish Older!Eddie absolutely stopped me in my tracks and I think about him daily 😩 idk if you’d prefer a totally different universe to write older!eddie but I got thinking about As You Wish Eddie and just wondering what like a different night with him and reader maybe Pre-AYW where they’re a lil cuddly but shouldn’t be or post-AYW date night where things actually go well and it’s happy for them both and Eddie’s efforts are appreciated (looking at u Brittany 😒)

I swear, I didn't intend for this to be so long. Yet here we are. This is Pre-As You Wish. Thank you so much for this request! I love writing this little gang so much.

Words: 11.8k

“But I want one,” Luke says with an overdramatic sigh. He flops back on the couch, arm dropping above his head, reminding you of a swooning Southern Belle. 

“You’re being silly,” you tell him, reaching down to ruffle his brown curls. “It’s not that I just said no, you can’t have one. There are literally no cupcakes in the whole house, kiddo.”

The five-year-old acts as if your words have wounded him, curling up himself and holding his chest with both hands as if he’s been stabbed. Where did he get this stuff?

“Will die without frosting!” Luke says weakly. You can’t help but laugh at his adorable antics as you kneel down near his head. There’s no doubt that he’s the most entertaining part of your job. 

“Oh no,” you say, copying his dramatics. “We’re going to lose Luke!”

Without opening his eyes, Luke gives his head a nod, letting his tongue loll out of his mouth. The front door opens and your heart soars, though there’s a brief flash of panic that it’s not the parent of the children that you want to see. When the sound of heavy boots being kicked off reaches your ears, you relax, but stay in character for your game with Luke. 

“Eddie, come quickly!” Your tone is teasing, and you throw him a smile over your shoulder to let him know that you’re only fooling around. Eddie’s smirk says he’s game to play along.

“What’s wrong with my boy?” Eddie says, faking a gasp and coming to kneel next to you at Luke’s side. 

“He says he’s dying from lack of cupcakes,” you say, placing your hand on your heart. 

“Frosting,” Luke grits out, making both you and Eddie hide snorts of laughter. 

“Right. From lack of frosting,” you amend. 

“It’s such a shame,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “If only he could hold on for two more days until his brother’s birthday.”

Luke pops open a bright blue eye, peeking at his father. “Oh yeah.”

“Oh yeah,” Eddie mimics his son’s voice, wrinkling up his nose. 

“What kind of cake?” Luke asks, abandoning his theatrical game and sitting up on the couch.

“I’ll tell you if you give me a hug,” Eddie offers, and Luke launches himself at his dad. Eddie laughs and presses a kiss to his temple. “Vanilla cake. Vanilla icing.”

“Strawberry’s better,” Luke says. 

“Then we’ll have that on your birthday,” Eddie says, mussing up the little boy’s hair before standing. “Where’s Ryan?”

“Taking a bath,” you say, standing up after him. “We finished his homework, and he said if he takes a bath now, he can read before bed instead.”

Eddie grins and shakes his head as he unzips the navy coveralls he’s wearing. Your eyes can’t help but trail his hands, rough and calloused from manual labor, pulling down the zipper so he can shrug his top half out of the garment. 

Luke gets bored now that none of the attention is on him, so he scurries to his room to find something to keep him occupied. 

“That kid,” Eddie says, his tone full of adoration for his oldest son. “I have no idea where he gets it. The brains, the books. Certainly not my genes.”

“Hey, you’re smart,” you argue with a pout. Eddie lets out a chuckle and walks to the kitchen, you hot on his heels. “I’m serious!”

“Sweetheart, I barely got out of high school. Can’t tell you the last time I read a book.”

“There are different types of intelligence, Eddie. I mean, last week! All I said to you was that my car was making a growling noise and within two minutes you knew what was wrong with it. Without even having to go outside and look at it. Jesus, I don’t even know the names for half the crap under the hood. And I guess I’ll just have to lend you a book, huh?”

Eddie smiles at you. A real, open face, full of teeth smile. You take a seat at the kitchen table, unsure if your wobbling knees would be able to hold you up after seeing that grin aimed at you. 

“You’re the best,” he says. A warmth tingles all over your body at his praise. “You wanna stay for dinner?”

The answer to that question depends on what time it is. When your eyes scan over to the clock hanging on the wall and see Brittany is due home in five minutes, that makes the decision for you. 

“Can’t,” you say, eyes sliding back to Eddie where he’s digging through the freezer. Probably in search of something to make. But you notice that he had been watching you, seeing you look over at the clock before answering. 

“Probably have a paper you need to finish,” Eddie says, giving you an out as he resumes his search. 

“Uh, yeah,” you say. But you still have those precious five minutes to be alone with Eddie and you don’t want to waste them. Your mind scrambles for something to talk to him about. “Should I bring Ryan’s present over tomorrow? Or do you want me to wait until Monday?”

Eddie’s brow pinches in a frown and he closes the freezer. “Why don’t you just bring it to the party?”

“His birthday party? Oh, I didn’t realize I was invited.”

Eddie stares at you incredulously. His jaw drops open and he lets out a laugh. “Of course you are. Britt never told you that?”

“No,” you say with a shrug.

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie groans and rubs a hand over his hair. His tongue pokes out to lick over his lips before he speaks again. “I know she told me she invited you. Because I said I’d do it, then she said she’d handle it.”

“Maybe she forgot?” You try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but Eddie knows better. He doesn’t want to get into it with you, though. Lord knows you don’t need to hear about his marriage issues.

“Well, you are invited. And don’t worry, it’s not going to just be a bunch of little kids. We’re having a barbecue out back, around the pool. Some old friends of mine, my uncle, Britt’s sister and her family, and then a handful of Ryan’s friends. You can bring someone if you want. Your sister, friend, boyfriend, whatever.” Yeah, he was fishing for information that shouldn’t affect him either way, but here he was. Is he proud of it? No. Is he going to stop? Probably not. He knows he’s too attached to you but he’s convinced it can all be a fantasy in his head and everything will be fine. At least that’s what he tells himself. 

“Yeah, I’m free Saturday,” you say. “Um, not sure if I’ll bring anyone. Probably not.” Your best friend, and roommate, knew about your feelings for Eddie, so that would just make you nervous she would accidentally spill the beans and ruin everything. There’s no way you were telling your sister about how you feel because she’d just tell you that you’re being stupid; that you’re a kid with a dumb crush. And maybe that’s true, but you didn’t need to hear it from her. 

Pushing yourself up from the table, you grab your bag from the counter and slip it on your shoulder. 

“See you tomorrow?” you ask.

“I’ll be here,” Eddie says, half of his mouth quirking up into a smile.

You shoot him one last smile over your shoulder before heading down the hallway to say goodbye to the kids.

Fridays are the days you only have one class, which means you get to sleep in a little longer than usual. Except for today, when the phone on your bedside table jars you out of your slumber, the piercing shrill going right through you.

“Who the hell,” you grumble to yourself as you push yourself up onto your elbows. Reaching over, your fingers graze the receiver and tug it to your ear. The anger at being awoken dissipates when you hear the telltale sign of machinery and tools clanging. Even before your favorite voice in the world answers your greeting. “Hello?”

“Hey! Oh shit, did I wake you up?” Eddie asks. You debate lying, but the hoarseness in your voice would call your bluff. 

“Yeah, but it’s fine. My alarm was about to go off anyway.” That was a lie, but one he couldn’t catch you in. “What’s up? Boys okay? You okay?”

Both of you notice the lack of checking in on the last member of the family, but neither of you cares either. On his end of the phone, Eddie can’t help but grin to himself, trying to hide it from the other guys in the shop. First, your early morning voice was just about the cutest thing he’s ever heard, now your worry for him and the boys has his heart kicking up its pace. 

“Yeah, everyone’s fine,” Eddie says. “Just wanted to ask a favor of you, if you don’t mind.”

“Anything.” You could slap yourself for how eagerly you said it. For all you know he’s going to ask you to spend the day with Brittany, which might actually kill you. But who are you kidding? You’d do it if he asked. 

“Well,” Eddie says with a sigh. “Britt kind of dropped the ball. Again.”

It’s not a shock by any means. Squeezing your lips together, you internalize the sigh you so desperately want to let out and pinch the bridge of your nose. 

“She, uh, was supposed to pick up Ryan’s cake from the bakery after work today, but apparently,” Eddie pauses here to huff a humorless chuckle, “she forgot to ever order it. Do you think you can swing by the grocery store and get some vanilla cake mix and vanilla frosting? Ryan didn’t know, thank God, so he won’t be disappointed that it’ll have to be homemade. The kids will want to help with it but by the time I get home there won't be enough time to bake it, let it cool, and frost it before they have to go to bed.”

“Oh, Eddie, of course,” you say. The boys loved baking; you know that from experience. Together you’d made countless cookies and brownies. “Do you need me to grab anything else from the store?”

“No, no, that’s all. And I’ll give you the money for it when I get home, I swear.”

“Eddie,” you say with a chuckle. “It’s fine, I can buy birthday cake ingredients for one of my two favorite little dudes.” 

“Nope, you’re getting that money back,” Eddie says, and you just know there’s a smile on his face as he says it. You can practically hear it. 

“I see why Luke is so stubborn,” you say as you lay back on your pillow. Maybe if you close your eyes and tug your soft purple blanket up to your chin, you can pretend you’re being a normal girl having a conversation with the guy she’s head over heels for. Not a conversation about your job with your boss, who has a wife, and is over ten years older than you. Just Eddie. 

Eddie scoffs on the other end of the line, bringing a dopey grin to your face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says. “That kid is nothing like me.”

“Ha!” you bark out, making Eddie laugh, the sound like a shot of whiskey hitting your bloodstream. “Pretty sure Luke isn’t your son, he’s your clone.” Literally, the fact that the five-year-old has blue eyes is the only noticeable difference.

“Okay, okay,” Eddie concedes. “I guess I better get back to work before my boss charges me for half the phone bill.”

“Bosses, right? Such a pain in the ass.”

“Listen, you little smartass,” Eddie says through a laugh, a blushing smile making your own cheeks hurt. “I’ll quit my job right now and take yours.”

“Trade you,” you say, knowing he has to get back to work but not wanting to let him go. “I’ll fix the cars.”

“All right,” Eddie says. “Just tell me where the carburetor is located.” Wrinkling up your nose, you stay silent, only proving Eddie’s point. “Uh huh,” he says, voice sounding smug. “So, I’ll go replace the brakes on this Honda and you’ll go to class, hit the grocery store, and take care of two little monsters for a few hours, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you say. “I’m clearly the winner here.”

“You are,” Eddie agrees. “Okay sweetheart, I’ll see you later.”

The term of endearment isn’t new. He’s called you that countless times, along with a variety of other nicknames. He’s probably even said it over the phone to you before, you’re not sure. But the part that’s currently giving you the feeling of pop rocks exploding in your stomach is that anyone who can hear him on the phone at work right now probably thinks he’s talking to his wife. Or girlfriend if they don’t know he’s married. But he said it to you. Something about it makes you feel giddy. 

“Bye, Eddie.”

“Bye,” Eddie drags out the word before the line goes dead. 

After starting your day off by talking to Eddie, you don’t feel the need for your usual cup of coffee. You’re already wide awake. The day seems to be better than a usual Friday, an extra pep in your step that you can only think of one explanation for. Class seemed more interesting, traffic didn’t seem as bad, even finding a parking spot at the notoriously crowded grocery store was easier. 

Strolling down the baking aisle to find the supplies you need, you hum along to the cheery pop tune playing over the store’s speakers. Your eyes scan over the shelves and snag on a box of vanilla cake mix. Dropping that into your basket, you search for the matching frosting. As you look at all the baking supplies in front of you, the sprinkles catch your eye. Which leads you to looking at the tubes of food gel that you can write on cakes with. Pursing your lips as you look it over, you shrug and think, what the hell? The sprinkles and food gel get added to the shopping basket. Now all you’re missing is the vanilla frosting. Which you discover was right in front of your face the whole time, making you roll your eyes at yourself as you snatch it off the shelf. Purposefully keeping the grocery bag in the backseat, and not in the trunk, your next stop is to pick up the munchkins from school. 

The pickup line at the elementary school is long, but you don’t mind. It usually moves pretty quickly, and the radio station is currently playing Billy Joel. Eddie teases you all the time about your love for the singer of Piano Man, but he does at least admit that the man is talented. 

Two bright faces come up to the windows of your gold car, Ryan grinning and waving, and Luke hooking his pointer fingers into his mouth and pulling them wide while sticking his tongue at you. Leaning across the center console as much as you can with your seatbelt still on, squishing up your face and sticking your tongue out in turn. Luke giggles and opens the backseat, climbing in and over the bag to sit behind you. 

“What’s this?” Luke asks as Ryan climbs in behind him. 

“For Ryan’s birthday,” you say, smiling at him over your shoulder. “We’re making a cake when we get home.”

They both cheer as you pull away from the curb and towards the exit off of school property.

Having baked with them before, you knew it could get crazy. Flour usually ends up all over the three of you and the floor. Eggshells seem to get in the batter no matter how much you try to avoid that. But making Ryan’s cake has them amped up to a whole new level.

“Luke, not yet!” You hold the bowl above his head so he can’t pour in the oil that’s not supposed to be added until after the eggs. Mixing a bowl that’s at eye level with you is a difficult task, you find. 

“I got the pans!” Ryan holds up the two round pans that will bake the layers of his cake.

“Perfect. Can you spray them?”

“With this?” Ryan asks, holding up the non-stick spray can.

“Yes, sir,” you tell him as you set the bowl down on the counter. “Okay, Luke. Now you can add the oil.”

Once the cake is in the oven, you clean up as best you can while the boys work on their homework at the kitchen table. You’re sweeping the powdery substance off the floor when Luke asks how you spell your name. Going slowly so he can focus and write it down, you tell him.

“Why?” you ask. “What’s it for?”

“Homework,” Luke states simply.

“What’s your homework about?” you ask.

“Gotta draw and write the names of my family.”

The broom stalls in your hands at his words. Quickly, you sweep up the debris and walk to look at Luke’s paper over his shoulder. There you are. All the way to the left of the paper, right next to Eddie. It goes, you, Eddie, Luke, Ryan, and Brittany. At the bottom there’s a brown blob. You’re not sure what it is, but your mind is a little occupied with the idea that Luke considers you part of the family. The pressure of warm tears presses behind your eyes, but you refuse to let them come any further. Not sure if he’d understand your affection through words, you bend down and press a few kisses to the top of his dark brown curls.

“What’s that?” you ask, pointing to the spot at the bottom of his paper. 

“My dog,” Luke says with a sigh.

“Is it invisible?” you ask, making a show of looking around the kitchen. 

“No,” Luke says with his boyish giggle. His little legs swing underneath the table since they’re too short to touch the ground. “The dog I want.”

“He needs a name too, you know,” you say, tapping at the blank space where the name should go. 

“She!” Luke looks up at you, frown pinching his adorable features. “I want a girl dog.”

“My apologies,” you say, bowing your head to the miniature Eddie. “She needs a name, then.” 

“Nala!”

“Like The Lion King?” you ask.

“Yes!”

Once you help Luke sound out the name so he can add it to his paper, you take a look and see how Ryan’s homework is coming along. 

“Look at you, whizzing through these math problems,” you say, ruffling his honey brown hair. “Little genius over here.”

He gives you a bashful smile and goes back to his work. The boys finish up just as the timer tells you that the cakes are done. Carefully removing them with the ugliest blue and brown checkered oven mitts you’ve ever seen, you place both round pans on top of the stove and turn off the oven. 

“Now the icing?” Luke asks.

“Not yet,” you say, slipping off the mitts. “They have to cool first. But do you wanna see what I bought to decorate them?”

Both little boys kneel on the chairs, laying the top half of their bodies on the table so they can watch you unpack the grocery bag. Luke’s eyes widen when he sees the can of frosting and you’re pretty sure there’s some drool forming in the corner of his mouth. The sprinkles make Ryan happy, his face lighting up and grabbing the jar. 

“So many colors,” he says as he turns the jar around, tilting the sprinkles so he can watch them slide from side to side. The last thing you unpack is the writing gel and neither kid seems to care.

“What is it?” Luke asks.

“You use it to write on the cake,” you say, flipping the box over and showing them the picture on the back. “We can write ‘Happy Birthday, Ryan!’ on it.”

“We can write anything?” There’s a mischievous glint in Luke’s eye that has you raising an eyebrow on him.

“What is it that you want to write?” you ask. 

“Butt,” Luke says, a throaty and immature laugh coming out of him. 

“No,” you say. “Maybe you can convince Daddy to let you write than when it’s your birthday cake.”

“That’s so far away!” Luke says, flopping back in his chair dramatically. 

“Are you coming to my party?” Ryan asks as he slides out of his seat.

“Sure am, buddy.” You pat the top of your head as he walks by you to get a drink from the fridge. “You excited?”

“Eh,” Ryan says with a shrug of his small shoulders.

“Eh? Why eh?” you ask, frowning at him.

“My cousins are gonna be there,” Ryan answers before taking a sip of water. “They’re mean.” 

“Just Sasha,” Luke says to his brother. “Nat and Dmitri are nice.”

“I guess,” Ryan says. 

“Are these Mom’s sister’s kids?” you ask, taking a seat at the table.

“Yeah,” Ryan says. He walks over and leans against you, so you wrap your arm around him and press a kiss to his forehead.

“But there’s gonna be lots of other people there,” you tell him. “It’s going to be so much fun!”

A small smile comes to Ryan’s face, and he nods his head. You’d personally keep this Sasha away from Ryan if you had to. He deserves to have fun at his birthday party, not worry about what some mean kid might say. 

“Okay,” you say, patting Ryan’s arm. “Who wants to play Hungry Hungry Hippos while we wait for the cake to cool?”

Of course they did, so that’s what you spend the next hour doing. The first time, you let them win. But after that, they were beating you just on their own pure speed. It looked like Luke was going to crack the back of the orange hippo.

Standing up once another round has finished, you walk over to the cake to see if it’s still too warm. It’s down to room temperature so you help the boys clean up the game before setting the decorating items on the kitchen table. 

There’s a stereo just on the other side of the wall of the kitchen, in the living room. Decorating calls for some music, you decide, so you open your purse and find the mixed tape that your friend made for you. Usually, mixed tapes are just that: a mixture. But this one was made up of only Billy Joel songs; your favorites all on one convenient tape. First making sure that the thin glossy material of the tape is all on the left side, showing it’s been rewound, you click the tape into place and press play. The opening notes play as you make your way back into the kitchen. 

What's the matter with the clothes I'm wearing?

Can't you tell that your tie's too wide?

Maybe I should buy some old tab collars?

Welcome back to the age of jive

Luke starts to dance in the middle of the kitchen, mostly consisting of head bobs and moving his shoulders back and forth, but it’s still cute. Keeping one eye on his theatrics, you bring the cakes over to the kitchen table and set each on a plate. The pop topped from the frosting, the gel tubes out of their box, and sprinkle jar ready to rock and roll, you put two plastic knives on the table for the boys to use. 

You're just scooping a large dollop on the top of each cake when the front doorknob jingles and all three of your heads turn in that direction. Eddie steps inside and tosses his keys down. He takes a step towards your direction but halts mid step as he sees the three of you looking at him.

“Hi?”

Luke slides down from his seat and runs to his dad, Eddie scooping him up effortlessly under his armpits and holding the little boy against his chest. 

“Daddyyyy!” he roars.

“Luuuuuke,” Eddie answers, deepening his voice to match the one Luke tried to use. Eddie’s head turns towards the stereo and then he looks at you, eyes narrowed and a smirk on his lips. “You’re subjecting my children to Billy Joel now?”

“They deserve to hear what good music sounds like,” you answer with your own smirk. Truthfully, you love the music that Eddie listens to, it’s just fun to mess with him. 

“Daddy, do you wanna help decorate?” Ryan asks, eyes wide with hope. Eddie could never say no to that face.

“Sure thing, buddy,” Eddie says as he sets Luke down. “Just let me get cleaned up and changed.”

As he heads down the hall, Luke climbs back onto his chair and starts to smooth the white icing around on the yellow cake. 

“More,” Luke says.

“I don’t think so,” you say, eyeing the cake in front of him. “That’s plenty. Just move it around more.”

He lets out a huff, sounding just like his father. 

“This good?” Ryan asks. His cake is completely covered on the top, now just the sides need to be done. 

“Good job,” you tell him. 

Eddie comes back into the kitchen, a pair of sweatpants hung low on his hips and a gray t-shirt, arm tattoos on full display for you to enjoy. There’s nothing inherently sexy about the clothes but seeing them on Eddie is making you feel hot all over. He takes a seat at the table, next to Ryan, and looks over the sprinkles and colored gel.

“You didn’t have to get all this,” Eddie says to you, but you just wave him off.

“I knew he’d like it and I was right.”

“Okay, seriously, how much do I owe you?” Eddie asks.

“Nothing,” you say with a laugh. “Keep your money and ice your son’s birthday cake.”

Eddie smirks and gives you a mocking salute before picking up a knife to help Ryan cover the sides. Once both cakes are sufficiently coated, Eddie stacks them, and you touch up any frosting that got messed up. 

The song on the stereo changes to Just the Way You Are and the slow melody has Luke closing his eyes and swaying in his seat, making you chuckle. Ryan picks up the sprinkles and makes them rain down, colored speckles brightening up the plain white dessert. 

Don't go trying some new fashion

Don't change the color of your hair, mmm

You always have my unspoken passion

Although I might not seem to care

Little fingers grab your hand and pull. Turning towards Luke, you see him trying to pull you over to the middle of the kitchen. 

“What?” you ask as you get up and go where he leads you. Once he gets you where he wants you, he keeps a hold of your hand in his and wraps his other arm around the back of your thighs, since it’s the only part of you he can really reach. He starts to sway back and forth, and it dawns on you that he’s trying to slow dance with you. The adoring grin on your face as you look down at the little boy has your cheeks hurting for the second time today. His big blue eyes return your gaze, his own smile just about the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. Luke quickly tires of the slowness, letting go of you and drifting back to the table to try his own hand at the sprinkles. 

“Hey!” you say, jutting your lower lip out at Luke for abandoning you on the dance floor. 

Ryan’s pouting next to him, where he’s still trying to get sprinkles to stick to the side of the cake.

“You can’t just leave her there!” Ryan says to his little brother. He looks down at his sticky little hands and then back to you. His mind must deduce that he can’t dance with you like this. Plus, he’s still working. “Daddy, you dance with her.”

Eddie’s eyes widen for a second as he looks at Ryan, but the look is quickly gone, replaced by that damn smile that drives you crazy. The man rises from his seat and takes a few steps over to you and you feel like your heart might actually explode. Is he really going to dance with you? This has to be a dream. 

Eddie extends his hand to you, which you don’t hesitate to take. He pulls you to him, causing you to giggle and a flush to move up your cheeks. One strong arm wraps around your waist and you think that this just might be the best moment of your life. His other hand, rough and calloused from years of manual labor, holds your smaller, softer hand. When you drape your other arm over his shoulder, hand so close yet so far from the curls at the base of his neck that you always want to play with, Eddie starts to sway back and forth with you. Feeling his body pressed against yours, arm wrapped around your body, hand holding yours, you begin to feel lightheaded. It’s because your breathing has sped up, you realize, and you have to manually take control of your lungs, telling them to inhale longer and exhale fully. 

A surprised giggle leaves your lips as Eddie lets go of your waist and twirls you around by your hand. He’s smiling when you turn back around to face him, his eyes bright and shining. 

I said I love you, that's forever

And this I promise from the heart, mmm

I couldn't love you any better

I love you just the way you are, right

The emotion of the lyrics as Eddie pulls your body back against his has you feeling like you’re underwater. Everything is in slow motion and sounds are garbled, but it’s perfect. You’re sure your skin is on fire and you’re not sure how Eddie isn’t scalding his hands on you. 

Eddie looks down at you as you dance, his dark brown eyes locked on yours, never looking away. Normally, you’d shrink from anyone looking at you this intently, but it’s Eddie. It feels flattering and warm and intimate in a way that you don’t know how to describe. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. First you danced with Luke, then his dad, at Ryan’s insistence. It’s completely innocent. 

As the song comes to a close, Eddie dips you, grip tightening on you as you squeal at the surprise. He chuckles and pulls you back up to your feet. When he takes his hands off you, you feel suddenly cold. Like something is missing. Eddie bends at the waist, bowing to you, so you give him a curtsy in return.

“That’s how you dance with a lady,” Eddie says, giving a playful, barely-there smack on the back of Luke’s head. “Gonna have to teach you to be a gentleman, I see.”

Luke ignores him, finishing up his sprinkle job, but you think there are more sprinkles on Luke than the cake. Ryan hands you a red tube of writing gel, and Eddie a yellow. He has the green one gripped in his small hand.

“Okay, I want you to write ‘Happy,’” Ryan tells his dad before turning to you. “And I want you to write ‘Birthday.’ I’m gonna write my name.” 

Following his instructions, Eddie goes first. He takes his time, tongue poking out in concentration as the yellow gel slips out, curling into the letters weaved by Eddie’s hands in the air. When it’s your turn, you realize you have the longest word to write. As you’re halfway through, the song changes to Uptown Girl and a smile ticks onto your face.

“My favorite,” you say as you curl the H in birthday. It comes out looking pretty good if you do say so yourself. Ryan takes his time with his name as well. Glancing over to Eddie, you see he’s staring off into space, zoned out, mind far away. 

Uptown girl

You know I can't afford to buy her pearls

But maybe someday when my ship comes in

She'll understand what kind of guy I've been

And then I'll win

The beginnings of a smile twitch at one corner of Eddie’s mouth and you’d give anything to know what he’s thinking about so intently. 

“Done!” Ryan announces, breaking Eddie from his trance.

“It looks great, buddy,” Eddie says, patting his oldest son on the back. “Let’s put it in the fridge now.”

Ryan nods and Eddie’s careful in carrying the plate. You open the refrigerator door for him, and he slides it on the top shelf.

“There we go,” Eddie says as you close the fridge. He looks over and sees Luke covered in frosting, sprinkles, and somehow the gel, even though he didn’t touch it. “Luke, you need to go take a bath.”

The boy pouts but slides off the chair and walks down the hallway.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Luke!” you call before he can get into the bathroom.

“Okay! Bye!” he calls back. 

“Come on, Ry,” Eddie says. “Help me clean up.” Eddie grabs the sponge and groans, shooting you a playful glance. “Can't believe you made a mixtape of just Billy Joel.”

“I didn’t make it,” you say, grabbing the kitchen towel and swatting Eddie with it. “My friend Paul made it for me.”

“Oh?” Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow. Ryan takes the can of icing off the table along with the gel tubes, and Eddie runs the sponge over the green tiled table. “Paul, huh? You know, guys usually make mixtapes for girls they like.”

“Mm,” you hum, cheeks warming. “Love songs, I believe. And Paul’s majoring in music so he makes tapes for everyone.” 

Eddie’s tempted to tell you that you should have Paul introduce you to new music, but he can’t bring himself to suggest you spend time with another guy. A college guy, especially, your own age and who you probably hang out with. His grip tightens on the sponge, the water and suds squishing between his fingers. 

“Making a mess, Dad,” Ryan says with a giggle, poking at a bubble one of the suds produces. 

“Go wash up with your brother, okay?” Eddie says. Ryan stops in front of you and holds his arms out for a hug, which you eagerly return.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I can't wait.”

Ryan grins up at you when you release him from your arms. “Me neither! Bye.”

“Bye, sweetie,” you say, giving him a wave as he heads down the hallway. Towel still in your hands, you wipe down the table with it as Eddie puts the sponge back in the sink. The next Billy Joel tune is on and you’re humming it to yourself before you start to sing along.

Who knows how much further we'll go on

Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone

I'll take my chances

I forgot how nice romance is

I haven't been there for the longest time

There’s a smile on your face as you sing the words, the lyrics bringing Eddie to mind. Not that he isn’t always on your mind. 

“Sing those lyrics to Paul?” Eddie asks.

With a frown, you turn to face him. “No. Paul and I aren’t anything. Why?”

“You had a lovesick expression on your face,” Eddie says, his voice a little harder than usual. Did you really have your emotions playing across your face like that? 

“Oh, Eddie,” you say with an over dramatic sigh. “It’s just because I love Billy Joel so much.”

Eddie flicks a few water droplets at you, and you giggle when they hit your face. 

“God, I’m gonna puke,” Eddie says, trying, and failing, to conceal a playful smile. 

“What?” you ask, giving him wide innocent eyes. “You don’t like Billy Joel? Huh, well that’s okay, Eddie.” You walk over to your purse and start to rifle through it, Eddie’s eyes tracking your every movement. “Here, maybe this will be better.” New cassette clutched in your hand, you go over to the stereo and stop the Billy Joel tape. 

Eddie crosses his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow as he waits for you to switch to whatever God awful – he can only assume – music you’re going to put on. The new tape snaps back into the stereo and you’re strolling back in the kitchen to drop the Billy Joel tape back in your bag as the opening notes on this particular tape start. 

“No,” Eddie says, eyes narrowing at you when he starts to recognize the song. You pay no mind to him as you zip your purse back up, singing along with the lyrics as they start.

Life is a mystery

Everyone must stand alone

I hear you call my name

And it feels like home

“You’re honestly subjecting me to Madonna?” Eddie’s eyes look like they’re going to pop out of his skull. Ignoring his words this time, you keep singing along and twirl until you’re standing right in front of Eddie. Looking up at him with a mischievous smile, you grab his hands in yours and try to get him to dance along. He refuses, but you just keep standing there in front of him, moving your hips back and forth as you keep singing.

When you call my name, it's like a little prayer

I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there

Eddie’s breath catches in his chest. The image the lyrics evoke in his mind is not something he should be thinking about – let alone with you right in front of him. 

I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there

The line keeps repeating in his head on a loop accompanied by the image of you on your knees in front of him. Looking up from below him, your beautiful eyes wide and your lips pouted. Fuck. Why did he decide to put sweatpants on? Shit, he needs to get out of the kitchen before you can see his boner. 

“Uh, those two have been in the bathroom a dangerously long time,” Eddie says. Mercifully, you stop moving your perfectly sculpted hips when he speaks, giving Eddie a moment to compose himself a bit more. “Better go make sure they’re all washed up before I start dinner.”

“Okay,” you say, taking a few steps back from him to go collect your tape from the stereo. You pop it back in your purse and slide the bag onto your shoulders.

“See you tomorrow?” Eddie asks, turning his body towards the hall to better hide himself. “Party’s at one.”

“I can come by early and help set up?”

Even when desperately trying to usher you out of the house, he’s anxious to get you to come back as soon as possible. “Sure. Twelve? Little after?”

“I’ll be here,” you tell him, giving him a smile that’s not doing any favors for the hard on in his pants. 

He gives you a smile in return, along with a wave before he heads down the hall to the bathroom where the critters are probably making a mess. 

As if picking out a bathing suit to wear for any other occasion wasn’t frustrating enough, now you have to pick one that Eddie would see you in. Impossible as it was, you managed to pick one. It’s a one-piece dark green suit with cut outs along the sides, exposing the sides of your ribs. It became the winning suit mostly because of how well it holds your boobs up, though. The girls are on display, but not about to fall out of your suit. A pair of denim shorts and a faded white t-shirt are your choices to throw on top of it. You scoop up Ryan’s gift and head out the door.

When you park your car in front of the Munson residence you can tell the backyard is being set up. Luke’s loud voice sounds from around the house, chattering away to who you can only assume is Eddie. The sound of patio chairs scraping against the pool deck drowns out the little boy’s voice, but you hear Eddie hum in agreement with something he said. Just that little sound from Eddie has an involuntary smile spreading on your face and you head to the side of the house where the gate to the backyard is located. 

“Luke, can you move that chair over? The one by the grill.” 

Eddie catches sight of you as you come around the corner of the house. His face lights up and it almost causes you to trip over your own sandals. When he goes to open his mouth to say hello, you hold your finger up to your lips, eyes darting towards Luke and back again. Eddie nods, a smirk playing over his lips. Slowly so as not to make a sound, you put Ryan’s gift down on the table closest to you and kick off your shoes. Luke’s back is still turned as you tiptoe closer to him. Striking, you reach out and snatch the small boy in your arms, hugging him to your chest. Squeals escape his tiny frame as he wriggles in your arms, and you press kisses to his cheek.

“Got you!” you call over his laughter. 

Eddie’s chuckling as he watches the two of you, untangling a string at the end of a “Happy Birthday” banner. 

“You scared me!” Luke says. 

“That was the point,” you say as you tickle his sides. He wiggles his way out of your grip and gives you a playful push. You pretend to stumble back, as if his strength was just too much for you. The triumphant look on his face melts your heart and you just want to snatch him up again. But before you can, Eddie’s voice calls for you.

“What’s up?” you ask, strolling over to the man.

“This ladder is kind of wobbly, can you hold it for me while I hang up the sign?” he asks.

“I can do it,” you say, holding your hand out for the banner.

“You sure?” Eddie asks, arching an eyebrow. 

“Yeah,” you say. “I trust you holding the ladder more than I do me.”

“If you insist.” He hands over the sign and you climb a few rungs up the ladder. Eddie’s hands hold the ladder on either side of your body, and he feels his cheeks flush when your ass is right at his eye level. Giving himself just a moment to enjoy the view, he decides not to be a perv and look up to where you’re securing the banner above the back door. 

“How’s it look?” you ask.

Your ass? Perfect, he thinks to himself. 

“Uh, looks good,” Eddie says. You climb down and are boxed in by the older man’s arms as he still holds on to the ladder. His lips quirk to the side as your eyes meet his. “Looks, um, really good.” 

Eddie bites his bottom lip, only breaking his trance when the back door opens, and he instinctively wraps his arm around you to tug you out of its way. The door bangs against the ladder and Ryan winces as he steps outside. He’s about to apologize when his eyes take in you standing there. The fear in Eddie screams that Ryan’s eyes went wide because his arm is around you, so he quickly drops it. But really, Ryan is just excited to see you. He runs over and throws his arms around your middle, burying his face in your stomach.

“Hey, you! Happy birthday, Ryan.”

“Thank you!” Ryan pulls back, giving you a grin. 

Eddie folds the ladder in and picks it up, your eyes immediately drawn to his muscles flexing in his Iron Maiden tee that he probably cut the sleeves off of himself. 

“Luke!” Brittany shouts from inside and it seems like all four of you in the backyard tense at the sound. Her footsteps are quickly approaching the back door and Luke groans, shuffling himself closer to you and Ryan. The door hinges squeak and Ryan’s grip tightens around you. 

“There you are,” Brittany says, eyes locking on her youngest son. Her eyes glance briefly over to you, then back to Luke. “Hi.” 

It takes a moment before you realize she was talking to you. “Uh, hi, Brittany.”

“Luke, come inside and help me. Eddie, you need to get the towels out of the linen closet.”

“Okay,” Eddie says. He ruffles Luke’s hair and prods him along to follow his mom inside.

“Need me to do anything out here?” you ask. 

“Uh…” Eddie slips his hands into the pockets of his black jeans and looks around the patio. “Not gonna light the grill til people start getting here. Chairs and tables are all set up. Oh!” He snaps his fingers and walks over to pull a box off of one of the deck chairs. “Can you put the birthday tablecloths on the tables?”

“Of course.” Bending down, you press a kiss to the top of Ryan’s head. “I put your present right over there. Wanna take it inside?”

“Yes!” 

For the next forty-five minutes you help the Munson’s around the house, setting up decorations, putting the snacks into bowls, and trying to keep Luke from shaking Ryan’s gifts around to try and figure out what’s inside. You're pulling the burgers and hotdogs out of the fridge in preparation for Eddie to grill when the man in question walks into the kitchen, Iron Maiden shirt still on, but his jeans exchanged for a pair of silver swim trunks. 

“Where are the boys?” he asks.

“Getting changed into their bathing suits,” you say as you knock the fridge closed with your hip.

The doorbell rings and Eddie heaves a sigh. “And so it begins.” He heads out to answer it and comes back in with an older man whom you recognize from photographs. Still, Eddie introduces the two of you.

“This old geezer is my Uncle Wayne,” Eddie says, playful smirk set on his pretty lips. 

“Ah, you must be the young lady the boys are always talking about.”

Wayne offers his hand which you shake with a polite smile on your face. Eddie hopes neither of you notice the pink tinge over his cheekbones because he knows he’s guilty of talking about you more than he probably should. 

“I guess that’s me,” you say. 

“Grandpa!” Luke runs in and launches himself at the older man. Wayne laughs and catches the young boy, swinging him up into his arms.

“There’s my troublemaker,” Wayne says.

“Fitting nickname,” you say with a giggle and Luke sticks his tongue out at you.

“Tongue to yourself,” Eddie says, tugging on one of Luke’s curls.

Over the next hour you’re introduced to so many people that you sincerely hope no one expects you to remember them all. There’s Brittany’s sister Sandy and her three children (that you can already tell are a handful), Eddie’s friend Dustin that you’ve heard so much about, and you definitely remember Steve Harrington—because he’s so handsome.

“Hi,” you say, offering Steve your hand to shake. His wife Nancy and their four kids have already come in and gone out to the backyard, but Steve was lagging behind since he was getting the presents out of the car. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Steve says, shooting you a smile. Maybe it’s his old high school insecurities kicking in, but Eddie quickly claps Steve on the back and sends him out by the pool. 

But your favorite people you think you’ve today are also old friends of Eddie’s from high school. They came into the house bickering, but somehow it was in an adoring way that let you know it was them showing affection for one another. The man was tall, taller than both Eddie and Steve, and had an infectious smile. His wife had her fiery red hair up in a high ponytail and their baby in her arms.

“This is Lucas, Max, and little baby Tiffany,” Eddie tells you. Tiffany looks up at you with wide dark eyes, a gleeful expression on her chubby little face. 

“Oh, she’s precious,” you coo, smiling at the happy little girl. “How old is she?”

“Eight months,” Lucas says, looking adoringly at his daughter.

You end up sitting with the little family outside by the pool, on a deck chair next to Max while she holds the giggling baby in her lap. Ryan is happy, splashing away in the pool with his friends. It warms your heart to see the normally quiet boy laughing so loudly and having the time of his life. Eddie’s at the grill, flipping hamburgers and surrounded by Dustin, Steve, and Lucas. You’ve never seen Eddie with his friends before. He’s relaxed, spatula in his hand, and an easy smile on his face. They’re all laughing at something Dustin said and it brings joy to your face.

“Oh, shit,” Max says from next to you, drawing your attention away from Eddie.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, turning to face her. 

“I left her favorite pacifier in the car,” she answers with a sigh.

“Do you want me to go get it?” you offer.

“I’m not sure where it is in there.” Max stands, holding Tiffany on her hip. “Would you mind holding her while I go check?”

“Not at all,” you say, a smile on your face as the little girl beams at you. Max hands her over and her tiny fingers go right up to your mouth, making you giggle.

“I should be back in five minutes. But Lucas is over there if you need him.”

“Oh, we’ll be fine,” you assure her, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s my job.”

Max gives you a smile before heading back into the house.

“Well, hello, Miss Tiffany,” you say, holding her on your hip. She babbles in the language of babies, and you tilt your head. “I know. I agree.”

Eddie looks up from the grill to say something to Steve, but over his friend’s shoulder he catches sight of you holding Tiffany. It feels like his heart is going to liquify and melt right out of his chest. He’s always wanted a baby girl. But he also did not want to have any more children with Brittany. But seeing you, the girl he has a completely inappropriate crush on, holding a baby girl? Smoke is going to start coming out of his ears, joining that from the grill. 

“Uh, Steve, watch the grill for me? Just gotta ask what some people want to eat.” Eddie’s not even really looking at Steve as he shoves the spatula in his hand, moving past his group of friends and walking over to you. As he gets closer, he can hear you talking to Tiffany in that squeaky voice all adults seem to talk to young children in. The baby is giggling and waving her little hands around and it makes Eddie smile.

“Well, seems like you made a new friend,” Eddie says, coming to stand beside you so he can admire the girl as well. 

“And she’s just the sweetest little thing,” you say, still in the baby talk voice. Tiffany starts to fuss a little in your arms, but you’re quick to readjust her position and hike her up a little higher on your hip. It seems to have done the trick because she rests her head on your chest and looks up at Eddie with her large dark eyes. 

“Hey there, Tiffany,” Eddie says. She blinks at him, dark eyelashes kissing her cheek. 

“Isn’t she beautiful?” you ask.

“Absolutely,” Eddie says, eyes glancing at you. 

“I want one,” you say, only half joking. As if Eddie couldn’t want you any more than he already did, you had to go and say that. He can’t help it, he leans in and brushes a soft touch over Tiffany’s thin brown hair on the top of her head, Eddie’s head practically resting on your shoulder as he does it. He wants this so bad it hurts. His heart is in a vice grip and every day the handle seems to turn it even tighter. 

It’s affecting you as well. You’ve always wanted kids and loved being around them. It’s why you became a babysitter to begin with. But holding this sweet little girl with Eddie standing so close to you? You can’t help it, you close your eyes and let the fantasy take hold that this is your and Eddie’s baby in your arms. The warmth of his body is radiating over to you and the baby lays gently against your breast. The boys are having fun in the pool, and this is your little family. 

“Got it.” Max’s voice breaks you out of your illusion. She’s brandishing a green pacifier in the air as if it’s a trophy, the prize she’s been searching for. As soon as Tiffany catches sight of the pacifier, it gains all of her attention. She makes grabby hands for it and Max is quick to pop it into her mouth.

“Thank you so much,” Max says as she takes the baby from your arms.

“Not a problem. She was a little angel,” you tell her.

“She gets that from me.” Max smirks at Eddie, as if she’s expecting his bark of laughter even before he does it. 

“Uh huh,” Eddie says. “Check that red hair again, I’m sure you’ll find some horns growing beneath it.”

“I’d flip you off if my child wasn’t in my arms,” Max says.

“Then thank you, Tiffany,” Eddie says, leaning in towards the baby. She reaches out and tugs on one of Eddie’s curls.

“See? She said that’s what you get for talking like that about her mom,” Max says. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie says. “What do you want to eat?” He then asks you and pats your shoulder before walking back over to the grill.

The kids aren’t thrilled when they have to come out of the water to eat, because they know they’ll have to wait for a half hour afterwards before they can go back in. But Eddie had been prepared for that level of boredom from these rambunctious rugrats and had a few games set up for them on the back lawn. It wasn’t much, but the kids seemed to enjoy playing with the bean bag toss and the horseshoes. 

Once the half hour is up, you’re ambushed by Ryan who insists you come in the pool. Trying to tell him that you don’t want to seems futile since he has the double advantage of having those adorable puppy dog eyes and the fact that it’s his birthday on his side. He cheers when you agree, and the sound draws the attention of his father who had been talking with Wayne. But his gaze has been captured elsewhere when he sees you strip your white shirt over your head, revealing the green swimsuit beneath. When you bend over to take off your denim shorts, Eddie loses all coherent thought in his head. You turn to face Ryan fully, which also has you facing Eddie head on. His eyes take in every inch of you. From the way the bathing suit lifts your already impressive breasts, how the cutouts on the side of the suit tease him with glimpses of your soft, smooth skin, to the way the material hugs your hips just right and your long legs are left bare. They look so inviting and the only thought that goes through Eddie’s mind is that he wants to mark them up. Make that soft skin turn purple and red under his adoring mouth. 

You follow Ryan into the pool, taking one step at a time. The deeper you get, the colder it gets, so your muscles tense as you wade into your waist. Eddie chuckles as he sees you gritting your teeth, your shoulders pulled up to your ears, and your arms held just above the water, but not touching. 

Luke swims over and throws himself at you, making you squeal as the water from his body and the splash send goosebumps down your skin. 

“S’cold,” you say to Luke who only giggles in return. You wrap your arms around his small waist as he clings to you, arms coming up to encircle your neck. 

“Throw me?” Luke asks. 

“Yeah?” you ask, and he nods his head wildly, wet curls bouncing and shaking water everywhere. 

Moving your hands to the sides of his tummy, you bend your knees to coil your energy up before tossing the five-year-old into the deep end of the pool. He makes a splash, showering some of the other kids in the pool–who you were careful to avoid when throwing him. Luke pops back up, laughing as he shakes the water from his head like a dog coming out of the bath. 

“Not far enough!” he shouts as he swims back over to you. 

“Well, sor-ry,” you say, wrinkling up your nose at him. 

“Daddy throws me farther,” Luke says. 

“Well, your daddy is stronger than I am.”

“Daaaaaaddy!”

You wince at Luke’s volume, him taking full advantage of not having to use his inside voice.

“Luuuuke,” Eddie replies, strolling over to the edge of the pool, hands on his hips.

“Can you come throw me?” Luke asks, treading water. He has to squint his blue eyes in the sunlight to see his father semi clearly.

“Didn’t I just see you flying in the air?” Eddie asks, gesturing towards the deep end of the pool. 

“Apparently, I’m not strong enough to throw him as far as he wants to go,” you say, tilting your head as you look up at Eddie, attempting not to ogle him. 

“This kid and his high standards,” Eddie says with a sigh. He reaches down, whips his shirt off, and all attempts not to blatantly stare become futile. The muscles rippling in his lithe frame as he tosses the shirt back onto an empty chair have you biting your lip to keep in an inappropriate noise. 

Eddie steps forward, letting himself just drop into the pool with an effortless grace. It causes a large splash that smacks both you and Luke in the face but judging by the smirk on his face when he resurfaces, Eddie did it on purpose. “All right, come here you little hobbit.”

You watch Eddie grab his son and place his hands under Luke’s armpits. The excitement is clear on Luke’s face and it’s contagious, bringing an adoring smile to your lips as you watch the father and son. Eddie double checks to make sure there’s a clear path to throw Luke, then tosses him towards the deep end, the little boy grinning the whole time he’s in the air. Luke was right–his dad throws him farther. Ryan swims over, wanting a turn as well, which leads to most of the kids in the pool wanting to be thrown in the air. Eddie obliges, but you can tell that his muscles are getting tired as the children start to fly less and less farther into the deep end. 

“Okay, okay,” Eddie eventually says, his breath labored from all the activity. “That’s enough for now.” He dips under the water to cool down and when he comes back up, you swear he moves in slow motion like some cheesy movie moment; the beads of water dropping down his skin, his hair shaking out around him, curls weighed down from the water. It’s enough to make you go feral. 

“Hmm,” Eddie hums, eyes narrowing as he looks at you. There’s a mischievous look on his face and it makes you raise your eyebrows at him.

“Yes?” you ask.

“I think I have enough strength to throw one more person,” he says, sly smirk painting his features. 

“No,” you say with a laugh, shaking your head as you try to swim away from him. But he’s too fast. Too fast and too strong as he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls your body back against his. The bare back of your shoulders is pressed up against his naked chest and the goosebumps that dot your skin are certainly from that and not the cool temperature of the air now that you’ve been in the water so long. Eddie spins you around so you’re face to face with him, and the ferocity of the turn has you reaching out to place your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself. You’re practically nose to nose with him, so you decide to take advantage of the moment and take him in. The darkness of his beautiful eyes. The smattering of freckles that dust the bridge of his hose and up his cheekbones. How plush and pink his lips are, even if they’re slightly chapped. Your eyes follow a droplet of water as it runs over his pretty mouth, down his strong chin, then plops back into the pool.  

“Ready?” he asks, voice low. Closing your eyes for a brief moment, you silently thank God you’re in a pool that will keep anyone from seeing how your thighs clench together. If he kept talking to you like that, you’d do anything he asked of you. 

“Yes,” you breathe out, as if it’s the only answer you could give him. His grip around your waist tightens, fingers against your bare skin showing through the suit’s cutouts, and you can feel his muscles flexing under your hands that still rest on his shoulders. There’s a small twitch of Eddie’s lips before he’s throwing you, sending you backwards into the water. Holding your breath as you go under, your skin still tingling where his hands had been on you. Body floating back up to the surface, you let out a huff of air once you break the surface. Laughter bubbles out of you as you wipe your eyes, whipping your hair out of your face. 

Ryan’s cake is next, and the expression of pure joy on his face has you feeling the pressure of tears behind your eyes. All of the little dancing flames extinguish with just one breath from the newly crowned seven-year-old. Luke is eager for a slice of the cake, not only because he was dying from lack of frosting earlier in the week, but because he was part of the labor that put this confection together. 

As the party winds to an end, you’re thoroughly tired, but it’s only fair that you help clean up since you helped set up. In your mind, anyway. Eddie disagrees, practically trying to take empty plates and dirty forks out of your hands when you try to clear the tables. Most of the guests are gone when Sandy, Brittany’s sister, grabs her keys and rounds up her three kids.

“Oh,” Brittany says, coming into the kitchen where you and Eddie are. She grabs her purse off the counter and slides it onto her shoulder. You’re not sure when she changed from the small string bikini she had on before, but she’s now wearing jeans and a nice blouse. “Sandy and I are heading to the store. I’ll be back.” Then she’s out the door. No further explanation. No asking if he needed her to pick up anything. Just leaving him with the remnants of a child’s birthday party, all the burdens falling on him. Or they would have, had you not been there. You would never leave him on his own like this. Your nails dig into your palms, and you drop your hands behind your back so Eddie can’t see. He doesn’t seem all that surprised, though. His eyes stay on the door for a few moments before he sighs and brings his attention back to wrapping up the leftover burgers. 

“You okay?” you ask in a small voice. Anger and empathy battle each other in your head, one for the bitch who walked out the door, one for the beautiful man standing in front of you. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says, putting the burgers in the fridge. “Surprised she didn’t dip out earlier, to be honest.”

Unsure of what to say, your hands twitch by your sides for a moment before you’re striding forward and wrapping your arms around his middle, laying your head against his shoulder. Eddie hesitates for half a second before his arms come up to encircle your waist, his head resting on top of yours. Neither of you says anything, just stand there in the quiet kitchen, holding onto one another. In both of your heads there’s a little voice telling you that this hug has gone on for too long for it to be considered appropriate between boss and employee, but neither of you care. You’re only jostled apart as you hear the backdoor open on its squeaky hinges. Reluctantly, you let go of one another and don’t meet each other’s eyes as Wayne comes into the kitchen with Luke, both of them bringing in trash from the backyard. As Luke steps towards the sink with the half-filled cup of fruit punch he’s holding, he trips over his own feet and the red liquid goes flying, landing right on the front of your white shirt. The cold drink makes you gasp as it soaks through the chest and stomach. Luke’s eyes immediately widen, tears welling up in them and you forget all about the bite of the wetness. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” you say, crouching down and rubbing up and down his arms. “Aw, don’t cry, sweetie. It was an accident.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke says, a few tears spilling over the brim. You wipe them away and shake your head.

“It’s okay,” you say. “I promise.” Luke nods and you help him throw away the rest of the garbage he brought in. 

“Luke, why don’t you clean up the floor while I get her a shirt to change into?” Eddie asks. Luke nods his head, letting out one more sniffle before he stands on his tiptoes to get the paper towels off of the counter. 

Wayne pats your shoulder, and you give him a smile. “You’re real good with them.”

“Thanks,” you say. “They’re the best.”

“I have to agree,” he says with a gruff chuckle before ushering Luke back outside so they can bring in anything that was left out there.

“Here,” Eddie says as he comes back into the kitchen. He offers you a white raglan shirt with black sleeves. You hold it up in front of you and see the emblem of a red devil’s head, fire and other accessories surrounding the face. 

“What’s Hellfire?” you ask. 

“Name of the D&D club in high school.”

“Oh right,” you say. “I remember you telling me about that. It’s where you met Dustin, right?”

“Yeah, he was–.” Eddie trips over his own words as you slip your soiled shirt over your head. Yes, you’re wearing your bathing suit underneath still, so you thought nothing of it. But Eddie wasn’t expecting it and all activity moves from his brain down to his crotch. How is supposed to keep composed when you just whipped your shirt off like it was nothing right in front of him, the support of your bathing suit basically forcing your breasts into his view? He feels himself twitch in his swim shorts and clears his throat before continuing. “Dustin, uh, was a freshman, yeah.” He originally had more to say, but nothing else comes out. 

As hot as it was when you took your shirt off, Eddie seeing you in a Hellfire shirt, his Hellfire shirt, it makes his brain short-circuit even further. He’s saved from embarrassing himself by stuttering in front of you by Wayne coming back in, throwing out another handful of trash. 

“I’m gonna go see if the boys need help,” you say, shooting both men a smile before heading out to the backyard.

As soon as they hear the door close behind you, Wayne rests a heavy hand on Eddie’s shoulder. His uncle sighs and Eddie turns his head to look at him.

“She’s a real sweetheart, that babysitter of yours,” Wayne says.

“She is,” Eddie agrees. 

“Pretty, too.” 

There’s the slightest arch of Wayne’s eyebrow and Eddie opens his mouth, no sound coming out. He stumbles under the knowing gaze of the man who knows him better than anyone else in the world. Eddie finally manages to nod his head. His tongue pokes out to lick over his lips before he speaks. 

“Yeah, she is.” 

Once the house is back in order and the boys are tucked into their beds, both you and Eddie crash on the couch. Brittany still hasn’t come back yet to the surprise of neither of you. But if Eddie was completely honest with himself, he’d rather his wife stay out and have you stay here with him. 

“Today was fun,” you say, letting your head drop to the back of the couch.

“It was,” he agrees. “More than I thought it would be. But also, way more exhausting.”

“You should get some sleep,” you murmur, shifting yourself so you can head out. But Eddie has other plans, nodding and resting his head on your shoulder. There’s a spike in your heartrate as his hair tickles the side of your neck. Your stomach is full of butterflies and they’re bumping into one another as they fly around. Eddie stays that way until you hear Brittany’s car in the driveway and jostle him awake. 

“Eddie,” you say softly, not wanting to scare him.

“Hmm?”

“Brittany’s home.”

If he wasn’t half asleep, he probably wouldn’t have let out the irritated groan like he did, but it’s too late now. Not like you don’t know the two of them are having issues, anyway.

“I’m gonna head out. “I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?”

“See you on Monday. Oh.” He catches your wrist as you stand up from the couch. “Thank you for helping today. Setting up and cleaning. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” you tell him with a smile. “Anything for my favorite boys.”

On Monday, Eddie’s bent under the hood of a car, trying like hell to unscrew a stubborn cap. The voice of his friend startles him and he almost bangs his head on the hood as he jumps.

“Hey,” Steve says.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asks, wiping grease on the rag hanging over his shoulder. “It acting up again?”

“Yep,” Steve says, sliding his hands in his pocket. Eddie lets out a sigh and nods his head.

“Okay, I’ll try and work it in today.” He makes to go back under the hood, but Steve’s question has him freezing his movements.

“So, uh, question for you. Are you fucking the babysitter? Because between you and me? You should be.”

[vivaladicamillo]

I saw your posts asking for ideas and I was thinking what If you wrote something about you being Bams younger sister and filing cky coz April doesn’t want you to get hurt and you have like secret relationship with Dico or Ryan

DICO/MARGERA!READER

thank u so much for the suggestion!!! im gonna do it for dico this time bc one, theres no fanfics of this silly dude and two, i havent written abt dico in SOOOO long. this ones for the dico lovers out there love yall, a dying breed🫡

WARNINGS: dangerous stuff, fluff, bran being bran yk

———————————————————

being bams younger sister has its ups and downs

bam as a brother is A NIGHTMARE

hes just such a dick

making fun of u, annoying u and being the “younger brother” type character bc hes just like that

u were 2 years older than him

so when u started kinda liking his life long friend, “dico”

it was kinda awkward bc u yk, hes ur brothers best friend

one night, u were just chilling at the house alone

ape and phil went out, bam was probably out skating somewhere and jess had band practice so having a empty house all to urself?? hell yea!

as u sit on ur couch, just watching some stupid ass movie thats on someone knocks at ur door

when u answer it, its Brandon dicamillo himself (dico)

“hey, uh is bam around?” he asks looking kinda nervous

“nah, i thought he was put filming with u, but its 9:00 he should be back soon.”

“ah ok, ill just wait in my car till he gets here then, thanks.” he smiles at u

“come on bran dont be a stranger! i’m m just watching a movie just wait inside till he gets back.”

you held the door open for him and he walks in and plops down on ur couch

in your spot.

“asshole what the fuck thats my spot”

“didnt see ur name on it.” he says smirking “also what kinda horse shit are u watching? let me show u some real funny shit.”

dico then proceeds to put on an old western movie

“what the fuck dicamillo??”

“what??! this shit is so funny watch this.” he says pointing to the tv as some guy dressed as a cowboy gets shot on screen

the acting was terrible yes, but the way dico was hysterical laughing at it kinda made u smile

his laugh, his interests, just his goofy personality made ur heart flutter

u didn’t realize that u had been staring into this mans whole soul for ten mins until he turns to u and smiles

“may i help u?” he says kinda chuckling

“oh, uh sorry..” u say blushing and kinda turning away

the silence that took place after could have killed u right then and there

until he turns to u

“hey uh.. ive been actually meaning to talk to u about something…” he says, that nervousness kinda coming back from before

u nod ur head as he starts to confess to u

“listen, i know ur my best friends older sister and this is kinda weird but… ever since i met u, i thought u were so cool! i wouldnt have expected u to like masters of the universe and filming bits as much as do…”

“yea, i can see how u couldnt have seen that coming bc of my brothers”

“yea, but anyways, ive always kinda…been into u, im super sorry if this is weird i didnt mean to make it like that i just think..”

u smile, did fucking brandon dicamillo just confess his love for u ??

“bran..”

he turns to u

“i feel the same way, ive always had i just didnt wanna make things awkward if u didnt.” u smiled at him and scooted closer to him on the couch

“really?!?” he said in shock

“mhm, i like you… like A LOT”

u move in closer and you two end up making out on ur couch

after that day u both agreed to date without anyone knowing

yea it was suspicious when u two wouldnt be able to film or hang out at the same time on the same day but the guys kinda brushed it off

u two went of secret little dates

dico would surprise u ALL the time with cute date spots

random cat cafes, parks, family ran restaurants, he just found little cute places in westchester to take u to, and u LOVED IT

when bam realized u obviously were seeing someone bc u were WAYYY to happy, u decided to snoop

going through u room he ended up finding one of dicos shirts hidden under ur bed

thats when bam decides to confront u about it……

—————————————

might make some type of part two to this but it depends if yall want it or not, hope u enjoyed! also please keep sending in requests i love them sm !! yall are so creative i love it sm

[ryanmarshallryan]

In honor of Vore Day, here is an actual dream I had of Ryan Reynolds voring me. These are the details I wrote out after I had woken up, as I processed what it felt like to be eaten by the gorgeous celebrity.

That Time When Ryan Reynolds Vored Me

I sat on my friend Jensen’s bed, waiting for him to finish getting ready so we could hang out. His walk-in closet door swung open to reveal him standing in innocent confidence, dressed in all yellow gym clothes, with hair suddenly dyed neon blond, and topped off with a yellow fuzzy headband. It was a surprising look with so much brightly clashing yellow in one outfit, but hey we were in New York City and lots of people have interesting outfits.

“Iconic look, right?” he asked me, almost rhetorically, as he turned to face his mirror and admired himself.

“You definitely look iconic, Jensen,” I said with a smile. He whipped his head around to face me, his eyes glistening. He gracefully leapt over a carpet and sensually embraced me, doting on what a good friend I am and rubbing my back.

“This feels kind of homoerotic,” I said with a laugh as Jensen continued to hug me tightly. A door slammed open behind me, making me jump.

"You think that's gay?" called out the unexpected voice of heartthrob, Ryan Reynolds, from behind us in a commanding, challenging tone.

I let go of Jensen to look behind me as Ryan Reynolds came out of nowhere. I only caught a blur of Ryan’s playful, bright and wide eyes as he jumped on my back and knocked me to the ground. I struggled to get up, but Ryan kept tackling me like we were in a very odd wrestling match - or perhaps tickle fight. I wasn't wrestling back as much as maybe I should have because I was a bit in shock by the appearance of Ryan Reynolds, as might be expected.

Ryan Reynolds kept smashing his face into mine with some very forceful kissing and backing away, while Jensen slowly backed away into his walk-in closet and shut the door. Ryan was momentarily distracted, glancing over at the closet door closing so I pushed him off me and bolted to the bedroom door. I mentally debated with myself whether I should stay and continue forcefully making out with Ryan Reynolds… because Ryan Reynolds, I mean what a dream it is to kiss him… or I should try to get away as this was some very odd behavior.

I decided to try to run down the stairs, but before I was halfway down, Ryan Reynolds lept on me from behind, causing me to almost fall down on my face. Luckily, I was able to move my feet fast enough to catch myself before tripping, shove him off me and run into the living room in the next room over.

I caught my breath and turned to see Ryan vigorously renting his clothes, with a hungry look in his eyes. I watched, entranced as he bore his chest and gorgeous body. He fell forward into me and began attempting to rip my clothes off too. I tried to gently kiss him, but he returned the gesture with aggressive forceful kissing again, as he swiftly finished stripping off both of our clothes.

Finally, he begins to slow down, as he pushes me against the wall, passionately kissing my lips and exploring me with his tongue. He slowly humps me in a gentle body roll fashion continuing to pin me to the wall. Our tongues push and pull against each other and I notice he is salivating more and more than usual. He pulls me off the wall as he continues kissing me deeply, when suddenly I realize my entire head is inside his. He's proceeding to swallow me whole, head first. He wastes no time in swallowing me down, just as forcefully as he kissed. In just a matter of moments I was tightly packed away in his stomach, being squeezed in the most intense manner. I couldn’t see anything in the darkness of his gut, but felt a flurry of body heat and jostling motion as his stomach muscles constricted and churned me.

It may have been only moments, or perhaps I passed out in his gut and didn’t realize how long I was in his belly, but suddenly I was back on the floor of the living room. Somehow he had pulled me back out of his stomach through his belly button.

“I forgot the appetizer!” Ryan Reynolds exclaimed with a devilish glance from my eyes down my body. Thrown to the floor after literally being deep throated by Ryan Reynolds, full body fashioned, I stared up as Ryan jumped down to my level and spat on my dick. He took it in his hand and bent down, licking it like a competitive eater trying to beat the world record of how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. He pulsed his throat around my shaft, and pushed me down with his free hand when I tried to lean up from the floor. With that kind of energy it was no surprise I finished quickly. Finally he got off me and allowed me to sit up. I motioned to return the favor and suck him off, to which he proceeded to grab my shoulders and lift me to my feet with incredible strength and continue making out with me vigorously, putting scratch marks on my back from his tight embrace and swift movement.

We leaned back to breathe for a moment and I said "I would never let any man do that, except for Ryan Reynolds." He flashed a smile and machine-gun-style kissed my neck and face.

He paused to admire my body, his two hands clasped onto my shoulders as he leaned back and drew my body with his eyes. He let go of me and bent over to pick up some of my ripped underwear. He said something swift about having to go, and ran out of the room only with my underwear on, as swiftly and unexpectedly as he had come.

I caught my breath and processed what had just happened. Ryan Reynolds had broken into my friend’s NYC apartment, we hooked up, he literally ate me, and now there were ripped clothes surrounding me on the ground. The stairs creaked, and I looked up to see if Ryan was going to pounce on me for a surprise round two. But it was just Jensen. He entered the room for a moment, looked around, then slowly backed up the stairs.

[sunnyie-eve]

9 | Worrying

Series: Uttermost Lifestyle

Paring: Johnny Knoxville x Original female character

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: none

| MASTERLIST |

I was surprised when Johnny told me there was gonna be a Jackass the movie. He said it would be a more naughty version since we could do things that couldn't be shown on tv. He said the whole cast was getting back together to do it and it was up to me if I wanted to be apart of it. I did but at the same time I didn't want to but Caiden and the rest talked me into joining. This time around Caiden was staying with my parents while I went with the cast.

On this day Johnny was doing rent-a-car crash-up derby. I was slightly nervous as Johnny got ready for the stunt. "Aww is someone worried about me?" He teases me.

"Yes. What if something goes wrong?" I ask look back at the car behind him.

"I'll be fine. I'm tough enough." He chuckles.

"Johnny, that windshield isn't gonna stop a tire if a car gets on top." I try to explain why I'm worried about him.

"Don't worry so much... I got a helmet on." He pats the top of my head before rushing to get in the car.

As they get going every time a car rammed into Johnny I would tense up. As soon a one of the cars drive up onto Johnny's everyone rushes to check up on him. I make my way over staying back as Johnny talks, "I guess we didn't reinforce the windshield. That fucker comes- missed me by that much." I shake my head while the guys laugh at it.

I close my eyes thinking what the hell did I get myself into by agreeing to come back to do a movie that was gonna be worse than the show. "See, I'm fine." Johnny smiles jogging up to me.

"See, I told you the windshield wouldn't stop a tire." I motion towards it.

"I get it you were worried about me but-,"

I cut in, "PJ, you worry about me all the time because of Kyle... I can worry about you doing stupid shit."

He sighs taking his helmet off, "I understand but it is slightly different."

I give him a are you kidding face, "I would disagree there... Me worrying about you possibly dying... is not the same about you worrying about Kyle hurting me."

He just nods his head, "I understand. Thank you for worrying about me." He kisses my forehead before they go return the car back.

~

"Alex, dear!" April smiles as she sees me walk into her house.

"It's good to see you too Ape." I smile giving her a hug since she pulled me into one.

"See my mom loves you so why can't you love me back?" Bam jokes walking into the room.

"Brandon..." I give him a look.

"Excuse me, Alexandria?" He smacks me upside the head causing his mother to shout at him.

"Bam! Don't hit her!"

"She called me by my name!" He shouts back at her.

"So? Don't hit her young man." She turns to go into the kitchen so Bam smacks my ass.

"He hit me again!" I shout going after her making Bam bitch at me for telling on him.

"What are you guys up to today?" She changes the topic.

"Reck golf carts and other stuff in a hour. Which you have to change clothes for." I remind Bam.

"You aren't taking part? I thought you were since you had an outfit planned too."

"Jeff said you guys driving with me is a bad idea." I mess with his hair as looks at me.

"Can you still dress up? Then we make you hop in with me and drive around some? I'll be careful just for you." He gets a big smile making me laugh at him.

"I don't exactly trust you driving carefully... but I'll put on my outfit for you."

(This with black leggings underneath)

"Look at how cute you are. Better than us four." Ryan claps his hands so I do a few poses for them to laugh at me.

"Jeff, this cart goes like 2mph." Bam complains with his foot all the way down on the peddle. "That means Alex can ride with us."

"You expect me to fit in a two seater?"

"You're skinny! Hop on." He motions me so Brandon lets me squeeze between them. I take turns between the carts till we start to use the gas carts because I didn't trust guys.

When Johnny and Ryan wanted to drive over the big pig it didn't work so they get jacked up. Ryan's flew from the cart and Johnny wasn't moving making us all worry about him. I was the first and quickest to run over to him.

"Help him, help him."

"Medic!"

"Don't move him. Don't movie him."

Everyone else runs over to check on him, moving the cart to get to him. I get down on my knees next to him trying to talk to him as he was knocked out. "Johnny, you okay? Are you good?" I ask as he starts to move and groan finally. "PJ... How's your head? What all hurts?" I ask staying on my knees next to him. "Let him take his time getting up." I tell everyone around him and they nod their heads at me.

"Fuck." He groans rubbing his face. I lean down more to see his face and he looks at me in pain so I give him a sweet smile.

"Good thing it wasn't too bad, huh?"

"Good thing you got off that cart before it happened." Jeff speaks up and everyone agrees with him.

"You ready to get up now?" I ask him and he nods his head so I move so they guys can help him up.

As they look at him better now I go over to Dunn, "How are you doing? You kinda flew, rolled and skidded." I ask him since no one else did.

"I'm okay. I got up and walked it off. Thank your for asking though." He kisses the side of my head as we go over to Johnny.

"It's good to see you doing better. Moving and talking now." I give him a smile.

"I just remember going in the air, and the next thing I know I'm.. just fucked and I open my eyes to see you right there." He tell me.

"She was the first to you. Never seen her run so fucking fast." Ryan nudges me with a slight smile.

"Stayed by you while you were out till you were ready to get up." I say making Johnny give me a smile.

"Thanks, Alex."

"No problem. Imagine if Caiden was here... he'd be in tears because you likes you so much." I add making him chuckle.

Once he was doing better everyone goes over to a tree for the bungee wedgie that Raab was doing. One pair of underwear didn't work so it ripped right away. I ended up suggesting putting on multiple layers so it would work and it did with four pairs. Well sorta... Je kinda just hung there upside with the front part holding him up while his backside was free.

As the crew was getting ready to leave, I sat in the van alone to keep warm till Johnny came in first while others fucked around outside still. He just smiled at me causing me to get nervous, "What are you planning?"

"Nothing... I just like how much you worried about me. Maybe I should get knocked out more if it means waking up with you right there."

"Please don't be that will just making me worry a hell of a lot more about you. That could have snapped your neck if you landed super wrong." I explain to him.

"I can't wait to see how worried you were. Did you almost cry?" He cracks a smile again.

"I didn't cry. Sorry to burst your bubble." I roll my eyes at him stupid smile.

"I'm just happy you were smart enough to get off when you did." He puts an arm around me pulling me into his side.

"One of us had to be the smart one and that's me out of nine guys."

[outrunningthedark]

I was laughing a bit at the whole Rafa has known since season 1 regarding this marriage plot line. And I know it’s not true/wouldn’t happen but imagine Tim being like “oh yeah Buddie canon was always a thing we were going to do….Ryan knew all along.” and Ryan being like “I did?” 😂😂 Like all this coming from the man who forgot to tell RG that Eddie wasn’t dying/being written off after being shot. Again, just humour but it would be funny.

You brought up an interesting point. Tim took the time to tell someone on LS about a plot that would/should influence future behavior, but Ryan didn't need to know about Eddie being shot or leaving the 118? So, even though the fandom likes to connect dots to get from one end to the other, the only reason any of it "worked" is because of Ryan? Oh. Okay. I've thought for awhile now that Tim might try to play the "We always wanted to do this" card because he is, of course, the same guy who no longer wants an audience's input to have him second-guessing/altering his plans. The fandom would get credit for supporting the ship, but we'll also be told that Tim noticed their chemistry before any of us and he knew he couldn't pass up the opportunity. I wouldn't even be surprised if he not-so-subtly throws his staff under the bus by saying people had doubts (*cough*), but he went with his gut and he was obviously right to do so.

[ken-f-cker]

last Drive book post!

driver meets Bernie Rose at a polish place called Warszawa

Bernie has frequented the place for 20 years and mentions he doesn't know the name of the owner, an older woman who wears a miniskirt with no stockings

driver mentally comments that the woman seems 'completely comfortable with herself' which is an uncommon trait in LA

Bernie recommends the duck and driver gets it, and likes it

they talk about where they're going from there: Bernie says he'll probably head back east, Driver says he'll go back to his old life if he can

“Friend of mine claims the story of America is all about the advancing frontier. Push through to the end of it, he says, which is what we’ve done here at land’s end, there’s nothing left, the worm starts eating its own tail.” “Should have had the duck instead.” Despite himself, Driver laughed.

idk why that tickles me so much that the driver laughs here. like he's in the company of a man who should despise him for killing Nino and instead they're just. making jokes about things with each other? idk. the romance of it. Anyway

they walk out to driver's car and chat briefly about how yeah, Driver had a friend who shattered both hips in a crash and started working on cars instead of driving them. this may or may not be Shannon? so maybe he survived and they just never mentioned him by name and I missed that ksfbf

anyway. they go to shake and driver sees moonlight glint off the knife Bernie is about to stab him with and beats him to it, taking it and sticking it in his throat

He’d struck a bit central, away from the carotids and other major vessels, so it took a while, but he’d taken out the pharynx and breached the trachea, through which Bernie Rose’s last breaths whistled. So not too long. Looking into Bernie Rose’s failing eyes, he thought: This is what people mean when they use words like grace.

I'm too gay to comment on driver saying he sees grace in the eyes of a dying man. so I'm not going to say anything. but I'm thinking about it 👀

he dumps Bernie's body off a pier and watches the tide take it

the book ends with him driving away vaguely, but I just wanna. quote the whole thing tbh because it's short and I can

Far from the end for Driver, this. In years to come, years before he went down at three a.m. on a clear, cool morning in a Tijuana bar, years before Manny Gilden turned his life into a movie, there’d be other killings, other bodies. Bernie Rose was the only one he ever mourned.

aaaand that's the book!!! I'll probably make a more coherent post about it another time but I liked it; I think the movie did a good job of putting things back together and adding things where things needed to be added. I liked that the book gave more focus on driver and Standard's friendship and I liked that he held such fondness for his foster parents that he knew he could trust them with the cat and gave them the money as well

seeing his backstory, even with as little as we get, was really interesting and I'll definitely be incorporating a lot of it into my interpretation of the ryan gosling 2011 version of the character

anyway!! if you read these thanks for reading along with me!!!