#and set me up for so much systemic abuse that i can't even be mad at a single person for bc they all thought they were doing their best

[viksalos]

in about 5 sessions with my therapist we went from "you can't possibly be autistic because you're not like the nonverbal high support needs teenage boys i worked with in the early 2000s," to me digging up my childhood psychological records from the early 2000s and convincing her, to her presenting my case to her supervisor and her supervisor being like "yeah you had an undiagnosed autistic client on your hands and she needs to be transferred to someone qualified to handle that" lmao

[jacquesthepigeon]

Re:suffering

First the caveat that this is writing choices and not meant to address the character's *personality*/core.

I think one of the big reasons you get people arguing in favor of the suffering thing comes down to catharsis and reprecussions.

Adrien's plot is suffering, like, you legitimately can't put a kid through what he has canonically gone through without issues. A literal property for his father's fashion empire, schedule controlled to the minute, mother dead, isolated from the world, yeeted into superheroing, the various things involved in that. A girl both frenzying at him and running from him, him being fairly useless in relationships having had almost zero and yet multiple people wanting one with him mere weeks after his emergence. His father's descent into madness, whatever the hell was going on in S5.

It's all there. Yet as you say it never seems to really *hit* him. This is because he needs to be a 'perfect' trophy for our lead heroine. After this much time being denied catharsis it no longer feels like he isn't affected, it feels like the best 'smiling through the pain and slowly going mad' riff you have ever experienced.

Meanwhile we see Marinette suffer alllllll the time. Dragging Marinette is this show's favorite thing next to beating the dead Chloé horse. Yet... It's always performative. Marinette suffers...but it almost always just works out fine when push comes to shove. She wants a boy and he is unavailable? Here's another boy. That one won't work out? He's the first one back, and a couple girls on top. Take your pick.

Lost Fu? Okay but now you have access to all the miraculous and here's Alya too. Lost all the Miraculous? Don't sweat it Monarch is going to go back to generic akumas. Lost the wish? Don't worry the results work out in your favor.

Nothing ever sticks. The show wants you to sympathize with Marinette (hence making her suffer) but won't let her actually fail/have a meaningful setback. She is required by law to girlboss by the end of every episode.

So all that just sets up a lot of cognitive dissonance. People express it ... Poorly.

See, I have to disagree on a number of points.

When it comes to Adrien, it does come across as him simply not caring rather than trying to smile through the pain, at least to me. His lack of significant interest or reactions in most of canon combined with the WOG knowledge that anything that could challenge his worldview and pure-heartedness is to be avoided and never acknowledged as a possible factor in his behavior gives me no choice but to read him that way. The crew won’t even acknowledge Gabriel, or any other parent for that matter, as being abusive so according to the universe’s rules and intentions, while Gabriel is extremely overbearing and controlling, no one, in or out of the ML universe, is meant to interpret that as anything other than misguided forms of affection. As a result, while Adrien is canonically traumatized in that he feels caged, he can’t resent his father for more than an ep at a time and truly recognize how bad his situation is. In addition to the fact that we’ve had a couple of scenes of Adrien confiding in Plagg about his upsets, he rarely mentions difficulties coping with family, instead focusing on his romantic pursuits. Just look at how his main daddy drama in S5 was about Gabriel disapproving of Marinette rather than the lifetime of isolation and the cover-up regarding his own mother’s mysterious disappearance.

And don’t get me wrong, I’ve made posts about his fixation on romance being a bad coping mechanism and what it would imply for his character, but as far as canon interpretation goes, he acts like The Problems don’t even exist and only seems to care about getting a girlfriend 99% of the time. WOG pretty much confirms that.

As for Marinette, I think implying that having a support system negates suffering is incorrect on many levels. It helps with coping, yes, but does not negate the hurt. And it’s not like she got 1:1 tradeoffs either so none of the events can be considered bittersweet in regards to their effects on her. The writing being Lazy and Bad does make it not as bad as it could be, but it’s still undoubtedly bad.

[faeraebaebae]

Uncertaintly

I feel like if I want to write, I need to stop making excuses for not writing. I think if anything writing is exactly what I need at this point in my life. Some peace and quiet, no responsibilities, just getting it out there.

I've been so numb guarded this year. I know that my life is in a transition phase so I've been letting things hit my armor and just slide right off. I've been doing my best at least. Trying to remain strong. Trying my best to be resilient, undefeated, in control, powerful, and radiant. But, I see that the things I've been working on in my self over the past few years are showing up like a test to see if I can utilize these tools to help myself not be traumatized by this year of my life. So when the tears want to come, I let them. They fall until they decide that's enough, I wipe them away, and keep moving. I've learned that crying is a way for my body to regulate my nervous system. I do not shame myself or pity myself for being weak. I am weak sometimes, but only because sometimes I've carried too much for too long and need to set it down before I can pick it up again to carry on.

I'm not used to writing. Not like I used to. Bobby really killed that in me. Not that he wasn't supportive, or too nosy. He never read anything I wrote, but I don't think I shared a whole lot. He always thought I was writing about him, always so insecure. He demanded comfort, and that was frequently through quality time- doing whatever he wanted. So it took all time I used to use for myself- to write, or play piano or whatever I wanted, he took it for himself. I wanted to, so don't let me paint him as a villain. We always enjoyed hanging out. Past tense. We had a good time, but after 10 years of the same thing, I just couldn't keep doing it. Not when it wasn't what I wanted to do. After I stopped enjoying being with him, I would be in my room doing whatever I wanted and he would ask me to come watch tv, and I would say no I don't want to. He once said, "I thought we were going to try in this relationship." as he sulked downstairs alone.

Acting is only reacting. Every word out of your mouth is a decision. How do I respond to his lines? Life is improv at its greatest. He wanted me to go along with his script, and when I refused to play he became infuriated and would emotionally manipulate and abuse me. His emotions became more and more uncontrolled. He was constantly furious with me for one reason or another, and when there wasn't any sensible reason to be- then he would go back in history and pick something I had done months before that he was still seething about.

We separated from our marriage a few days before Christmas, but due to life in this century we had to remain living together. They had met someone new and wanted to hook up. He let me know a week in advance so that I could make arrangements, but respectfully said if it was too hard then no worries. (Oh, there were worries though) I thought about it, and the next day I explained how hard that would be for me because that was a day I work 10 hours and would need to come back to the house and get my clothes and the dog right in the middle of the evening before driving to my parents house 30 minutes away, so I hoped he realized how inconvenient that was for me and I said no, I wasn't able to stay somewhere else that night. He said Ok! (It was not OK)

Then one night two weeks later he had started a fight with me over something I can't remember now and was being so mean and really infuriating me. It's exhausting living with someone you no longer want to be married to. I had a long weekend at work, and so without saying anything to him, because I'm in survival mode, I took the dog and went to my parents for the weekend. Anytime I could not be at the house, I wasn't. Well he's mad because he could've had someone over that weekend if I had told him. I said, I don't care if you get fucked- you made me so mad that I couldn't even speak to you anymore.

Two months later he is calling me a hypocrite- because he communicated with me and I didn't do the same for him. But not just name calling, he's standing at my doorway while I'm right there putting my clothes in my closet, screaming at me- red faced, eyes bulging, arms waving in the air wildly - completely unglued. So I turned and just met their eyes and said, "You need to calm down." (He did NOT calm down, but he's done this to me before so I wanted him to know how it feels.) That's when he starts blethering on about my mom and grandma.

My mom went through some dark times when I was in my childhood, I've had a lot of thoughts on it as I've grown into an adult. Stemming from- she should know better, to seeing it as abuse, to understanding that maybe as a mom of 5 she was a slave to the family and had right to her anger, to potentially a post partum rage... who knows, but the voice that had screamed at me countless times and scarred the heart of my inner child found its power and from the bottom of my butt came rearing its ugly head at the tall dark and handsome man that had been terrorizing my life for far too long. I still can't imagine using it on a child, but a power I didn't know I had emerged from my soul and unleashed generations of women who have been asked to do too much by men who don't do enough on the correct target. For good measure, and without full control of my body I took my slipper off and held it in my hand ready to beat him with me. That's when I saw my message had been received by the fear in their eyes and cowering body language. I knew if I threw that slipper he'd throw me a charge, so I walked away and slammed the door behind me.

He came knocking maybe half an hour later saying he was out of line to talk about my family and begging to put this behind us. The first lesson I learned with my mom when I was a child, was that if people are forgiven- they're just going to keep doing it. Plus, with every fight we had in that house, he would come scrambling to apologize because he hated the animosity, but he never actually thought he was wrong because before he was done apologizing he had started something else or was continuing it on. If I didn't accept his apology he would start screaming at me immediately. But that was only because he was never apologizing for the right thing, or the full thing, they were always only a half assed apology just like everything else he had ever done. He hated that I saw him that way too, imperfect. He thinks its a fault with me, but really it's just that I saw him for who he really was and he hated that.

He resents that I know he isn't as good as his delusions let him believe. He is a narcissist, and now that I've figured that out he needs to get rid of me. Sure, there were a lot of things going on in our relationship, but the biggest one was that he wasn't putting forth any effort. In the relationship, in life, to leave the house, anything,

"You know we could just fill out the paperwork and be divorced today right??" He said angrily and accusatorily.

"Then why don't you do it?" I retorted.

So, we are still married, but the house is officially "Coming Soon" and I've done everything myself to get us here. I don't have enough money to pay for a lawyer, I'm tempted to stand on the corner looking hot with a sign that says "Help me divorce my narcissist of a husband" with my venmo linked. But, I've been conditioned to think that everything I want to do isn't worth actually doing, and being a chronic people pleaser has me not knowing who to allow to make all the decisions in my life. Now faced with the Wide and Open Prairie, I'm a little lost.

This is long enough, sorry to word vomit a bit, but there's a lot in my head and maybe if I don't get it down I'll lose it forever. Maybe that's a good thing, but I think I'll want to look back on this in 10 years to sort out whatever trauma it leaves me with.

[dystopiandilfs]

Dream's discord podcast. Basically him answering questions for 2.5 hours. This will sort of be in order but I fucked up my notes so it might not be in order completely. (From 13th May 2021)

For reference the photos at the end are: A prototype of fidget spinner merch as loads of people asked, a reference photo of his favourite merch and a photo he sent of his hair to prove he wasn't a brunette.

•He said his teeth are mostly straight but he's thought about getting Invisalign. He's never had braces. He has a tiny gap in the left side of his mouth and his canines are longer and sharper (vampire arc). He's never had teeth surgery so has his wisdom teeth still.

•He thinks pineapple on pizza is good.

•He likes seafood like lobster and crab. He had crab made in an air fryer last night. He like peas. He thinks quesadillas are good and likes most food.

•He hates Coffee and most drinks

•The Dream Shorts team is Ken who is his personal reminder (Ken's main job is to spam him with texts so he doesn't forget things as he's got a habit of reading texts and not replying) and also comes up with a list of sets for Dream shorts. The builder is a friend and munchymc builder "his talent gets wasted on Dream's shorts but we pay him so"

•His editors are currently Dizzy, Firesale and Mjcr. Willz doesn't edit for him anymore

•The mask animation isn't done but Mask should be released May 21st. He wants to release them together as "the whole song is a double meaning and the whole nuance will be lost without the animation" but no matter if the animation is done the song is getting released on the 21st.

•He and Sapnap eat together often.

•He and Sapnap prefer medium rare Steak

•He wants a home gym it's something he's willing to splurge on. They currently have a weight rack but they haven't even set it up.

•"Eat the rich? Shut up shut up" - Dream

•Talked about money basically saying "Most people don't understand how money works I don't have millions in my bank account it's in assets like merch, land and warehousing for that stuff" (He's not in his landlord arc)

•He's been debating Pride Merch because of Rainbow Capitalism. He doesn't want it too be seen as a money maker and if he does most proceeds would go to charity. He's currently super busy merch wise with Sapnap joining and George in the middle of joining. He did say "Only if the LGBTQ+ community in this community wants it" He thinks he's going to at least change the merch website to a pride one. Sapnap wants to make pride merch including a rainbow flame on his.

•He wants to create a charity that's centered around helping LGBTQ+ one day because he thinks that there's a lack of them. He mentioned that creating a charity was expensive and took a lot and was a complicated process including a board of directors but he wants to do it someday.

•He wanted to buy a bunch of houses in Florida which was a service to house mostly LGBTQ+ youth and people stuck in abusive households for free to get them out of bad home environments. But he didn't because he didn't want people thinking he was profiting of of abuse victims and LGBTQ+ community.

•He said he's terrible with time management and replying to people which is why Ken helps him (and also helps George and Sapnap). He mentioned how Sam messaged multiple times and Dream just forgot to answer but felt bad "I feel like people think I hate them..... Cause I'd be mad if people did that to me"

•He tries to reply to a few texts a day (community number). He also can't do birthday messages everyday because you can only reply at certain times so it's not abusing the system so if you get one it's special. He said he does try but it's got a weird time gap.

•Him and the manhunt winner are trying to come up with a good time to film

•He wants to stream this MCC on twitch and says his team is good.

•He talks about why he's not partnered with Twitch. Basically Twitch has a lock rate (in which you make money) and you legally can't stream on YouTube. So legally if Tommy wanted to stream on YouTube he couldn't. Someone then mentioned how Bad is a twitch partner but still streams on YouTube "Bad streams on YouTube but he has for a while and I don't think that he cares" - Dream

•He likes to reply to every donation he gets on stream and feels bad when he doesn't so he'll turn them off when he streams and wants a platform deal where he can be payed to stream (not twitch). If he gets a streaming partnership he will stream a couple of times a week. He looked in to Facebook but they don't have an alias system meaning you can see everyone's actual Facebook account and personal info, he doesn't like seeing real names on Facebook so it would require a lot of altering if he was to stream there so he's thinking it's probably going to be YouTube.

•He was asked about if his demographic was what he expected and he said he went in with no expectations, he didn't even know what stans were, wasn't really on social media so he wasn't aware of the fan culture. "You guys are a handful sometimes but it's worth it"

•He also mentioned how he and the DreamSMP changed the twitch audience demographic. It used to be male dominated in both streamers and audience and now it's almost split which is unheard on.

•He has 5 fidget spinners in his house. Two in his bedroom. Two in his office. One in the living room.

•He likes his Minecraft skin as he thinks the arm is cook and you never see the rest of his skin really. He says it's unique and different and "me". Dream: You can't even tell half the skins apart on MC.

•He's not lost the motivation to stream. Most of the times if he wants to stream he gets George or Sapnap to do it and he just turns up. It's more beneficial to them as they have donos and subs on. (Don't we fucking know it "can you say hi to")

•He has listened to Lovejoy. Says the ep was great and they're very talented and awesome. Doesn't know what his favourite song is but probably would pick One Day because the chorus slaps.

•RIP to acoustic Roadtrip. He said instead of acoustic Roadtrip we get Mask so no losses today for Dream stans.

•"With Roadtrip I went to Parker and I said Hey I have a story I want to tell through music. I have no experience with that can you help me" He said sure. He crafted the music and melodies and how things are formed where it's catchy. I have less comfort singing that. I love the song and it's my song, it's very representative of me and I'm sure I could sing it but it's a song I'd be kinds of scared to sing live, with Mask I basically did everything. I sat there the entire time and maybe an hour out if the 100 I wasn't in the call. Dream came up with the lyrics and main melody for Mask (First one he's ever come up with) "That was just notes in my fucking voice memos"

•The clip we heard of Mask was a prechorus not the actual chorus. He thinks he'd be more comfortable to do a mask acoustic and it's more melodic than Roadtrip. The chorus also has a lot of instruments similar to Roadtrip. Mask starts of slow and guitar with minimal reverb and is more raw.

• He doesn't want music to be his main thing. It's something fun to do and he's passionate about it as it's a way to express emotions. He wants to release mask then go from there. He wants to release at least one more song but has nothing on his mind currently. His two ideas were Roadtrip and Mask.

•He wouldn't quit his job to become a pizza delivery man.

•His favourite features on himself are eyes or freckles and he also confirmed that he does have eyebrows.

•He was told that Parkour warrior would be bought back some time in the near future and he got excited for it. "Even if I don't win, which I will, it'll be fun"

•Went on about his MCC team but I'm not going to put that in as we should be getting them today. He did say he wasn't on Pink but he did sound confused. (For reference he's always in Pink as it's the last team announced and keeps the hype up by announcing the biggest streamer last)

•Said he and his mum had the Mr Beast burger. He recommends because he likes the avacado. He mentioned how Mr Beast uses "Ghost Kitchens" which is basically where he gives restaurants permission to cook his food so it's restaurant quality food.

•His favourite piece of merch is the circle smile. (The pool photo on Instagram). He said the quality was bad (he worked with a different company and didn't have his own company) and it was elasticy feeling and he's planning on re-releasing it again but with good quality.

•He's started to send merch out in custom packaging. So his bags have the smile and will mostly be green. Sapnap's has the flame and is either black or white. He's also trying to make it so every order has the sticker packs for both him and Sapnap.

•He loves the coins as it's cheaper than a hoodie but still celebrates the milestones and will last a long time. He mentioned how the old coins are getting removed off the site and how if you have any of the coins your special because only a few thousand get made. He's kept around 100 of each coin that he wants to give away in person.

•He wanted to have a cool store where you could access computers that give you access to the DreamSMP in spectator mode. But it's too costly and would require too much time and isn't safe fight now. He doesn't think it'd be worth it financially.

•Most of the hoodie are black instead of multiple colours because of limited supply and covid. Getting the colours are harder because if the pandemic which hopefully won't be an issue soon.

•He wants to do a short meetup tour with Sapnap and George with a few locations in the US (and if others nearby want to join like Quackity or Karl they can). He also wants to visit Australia, UK, Canada, Mexico and Philippines and do something like that there but definitely at least visit with George and Sapnap.

•He's never been to the Philippines but his mum has. He wants to set up a place in the Philippines where he can ship merch in bulk and it would help to reduce shipping. However it would probably be big milestone merch.

•He's not got the vaccine yet but will get it when he needs to. He doesn't leave the house so he doesn't see the point.

•He's the ideas man. George's footcam video was Dream's idea. The T-shirt video was Dream's idea. Most if not all of the Dream Team's videos are Dream's ideas.

•Said he's got a similar/the same hair colour as Froy (Dream buddy at this point the only difference between you and Froy is that one of you is dating Richard Madden /lh)

[yurissweettooth]

On Trauma, Alienation, and Yuri Petrov

After the anon I recieved yesterday got me thinking about Yuri's lack of support system as well as had me coming back to this one scene in the Rising where Kotetsu tells Yuri that he could never understand what Barnaby went through. This will be a bit of a ramble so bear with me!

As he's meant to be a foil for Barnaby I feel like most of the attention goes to Barnaby and his trauma when making a comparison between the two (which is fair, he's a main character after all). Because of this some people don't really see the depth behind Yuri and the realism to his trauma. Some have written him off as part of the "abused people become abusers" stereotype or outright dismissed him as some egotistical man child of a villain. I think it's important to take a look at him and how his multiple traumas, and the alienation he faced thereafter, lead him down the path he's on by focusing on his side of the comparison.

To start with, one notable point is that Barnaby is able to reveal his trauma on live television and have the entire city rally around him. His support system and the people who have his back extends further than just the people he knows. 

Yuri, on the other hand, can't reliably even talk to his own mother (the only person he's shown to have any type of connection to) about what he's been through as her responses seem unpredictable. We can make the reasonable assumption that he doesn't have any friends because it states in the translated hero schedules that nobody has his phone number.

As a judge he can't admit to murder, as the son of the most highly regarded and beloved hero he can't speak ill of him (he likely wouldn't be believed anyway), and as someone who is seemingly still full of guilt and questioning his own behavior (no doubt aided by the fact that even his mother, who he was trying to save, doesn't always support him) he can't easily admit to the aftermath either. 

Continuing with the focus on his portrayal in the Rising, I'll point out again (as I did in my response yesterday) that there is a particularly interesting scenario where we get to see the aftermath of the effects of trauma relating to loss of a parent in three people at once. One desperate for revenge and one who has technically gotten his revenge yet didn't feel any better because of it.

"Now wait a moment." You may be saying "Yuri killed his own father so isn't that different than the other two?" and to that I would like to posit that Yuri did have his father taken from him before he ever killed him.

Aside from his hatred of "evil", Yuri also seems to view heroes as immoral, fame driven, and unable to help those in need. I think a lot of this can be tied back to the fact that Yuri lost his father as he knew him the moment the abuse started. 

Child Yuri seemed amazed by his father, right down to the Legend themed outfit. It can be assumed he was a great dad and a great hero at this point. However, that image was shattered when Legend began to drink and abuse his family (as an aside, one of the artbooks confirmed that Yuri was beaten as well). The man he looked up to, the hero, the man who taught him to never let evil go unpunished, was hurting him. It's not difficult to image what that sort of effect dissonance could have on a child.

Legend was staging his arrests and trying desperately to hold on to what he had, putting the anger he felt at losing his position over his duty as a husband and father to be there for his family (I could contrast this with how Kotetsu, in the same situation, uses this time to get closer to his family but that's for another time). He was loved and admired by all with no one any wiser to what happened behind closed doors. 

I think it's because of this that Yuri seems to live his life in opposition to the hero lifestyle. In a way this could almost be seen as a form of revenge seeking against heroes themselves. He's seen what a "hero" can be like and he can no longer trust them to make the right choices or have a genuine desire to help anyone so he takes it into his own hands and has no qualms about airing his spiteful opinions while doing so.

As a side note, in a way I also believe that his decision to kill those that are evil is, in part, a form of reassurance to himself that he's not wrong for what he did to his own father. We kind of get a hint of that in the scene where he's hallucinating and yells at his father's apparition after having his actions questioned by him.

To return to the main point, Yuri isn't really given the opportunities the others had to change their ways and heal. There was no one there to stop him from going down the wrong path. Barnaby tells Virgil that he's not out to save Schneider, he's out to save Virgil himself. Barnaby also says how Kotetsu was able to be there for him and that, had it not been for him, he wouldn't even have been standing there today and would have gone down the wrong path himself. 

I often see people discuss what Yuri might have been like had he never been abused or killed his father but I think a more interesting thing to consider is what he could have been like had he had someone on his side when he really needed it, if he didn't live in a world that would likely turn on him if he spoke against the most well-known celebrity hero (I would imagine that, much like in our real world, if an abuse victim spoke out against a celebrity they'd be shamed and called a liar), if there had been someone there to set him straight before his pain and twisted morals consumed him.

Even as we see him in the show I don't think he's a bad man. He does terrible things, yes, but he does them out of a desire to save people, to help others, to prevent more suffering. It annoys me to see him portrayed as some childish villain just stupidly killing for the sake of it. He's misguided, yes, but there's a method to his madness.

I guess the main point is that, regardless of how Kotetsu meant it, I feel sad thinking about Yuri stating his views on how to heal from the past only to be told that he "Doesn't know the first thing about what [Barnaby's] been through". Yuri does know pain, loss, and betrayal quite well which is how he came to those conclusions in the first place, he just hasn't been in a situation that's allowed him to admit and process that.

[cripplerage]

TW Vent post about Child Safety, mentions child abuse

My mum has been abusing my younger siblings for so long and child safety hasn't helped.

My first report to child safety was in February. Since then, I've called again, my siblings have called, their school has called several times, and even the hospital has caused.

This past week I got desperate and started sending in complaints to child safety and other organizations that might be able to hold child safety accountable. It was a lot of work and it sucked.

At one point child safety said that they're so understaffed it's possible that our case is on their to do list, they just haven't been able to start yet? I'm wondering if they're waiting for the oldest kid there to turn 18 so they have less work... that's a whole year away though

Now my little brother has told me that mum told him she's going to admit to child abuse tomorrow??????

Like wtf is going on, I can't ask her about it because she'd know one of my siblings told me and she might get mad...

I raised these kids. I'm the oldest, someone had to. I so desperately want to look after them and keep them safe, and I feel so helpless....

We've all been in foster care before. All 5 of us were abused in the system. I don't want them to go back but it might be their safest option... If I can get all the resources, I could apply to be a kinship carer and look after my siblings myself. I really want to, but to do so I'd need to move to a place with a spare bedroom and get beds and stuff.

I'm trying to get a better job so that I can do it. My amazing partner is doing all he can, too. But why should the safety of children be at the hands of 2 young adults instead of the government?

Idk, maybe I'll set up a PayPal and ask for help... I don't want to do that to anyone but I care about these kids so damn much

[supernaturalnovelsandmore]

Supernatural Novel: Heart of the Dragon

Welcome to my not-quite review of the fourth Supernatural novel, Heart of the Dragon.

Author: Keith R.A. DeCandido

Timeline: Set after Episode 5.08 Changing Channels

Location: San Francisco, California (Chinatown)

Synopsis: An old foe has come back to terrorize San Francisco, but what is the connection between the Campbells, John Winchester and Sam and Dean? Read to find out!

Warning: Spoilers abound!

Oh, where do I start? Heart of the Dragon has a very different feel to it, one that I'm not entirely on board with. Basically, it's a flashback book that spends the first third on Samuel, Deanna, and Mary Campbell, the second third on John Winchester and the last quarter on Sam and Dean. In fact, out of 28 chapters, Sam and Dean were only featured in about 7 of them. It leaves the book feeling hollow and me, a little meh. But, there are some additional insights into the Winchester family history which I'll try and parse out.

One more thought, I'm glad this is the last book from this particular author. Once again he has utilized a culture/race to tell the story, and not well. When the story is in 1969, he utilizes the world Orientals to explain Japanese and Chinese characters. He might have been trying to use the wording of the day, and that's fine if it's in dialogue, but to use it as a descriptor is problematic, at best. He also plays up multiple stereotypes from the Chinese mob to the Japanese Samurai. I'm hoping this book is the Route 666 of the novels and that they can only get better.

I decided to sort my thoughts within the different timelines, so here we go:

1969: Samuel, Deanna, and Mary Campbell

We open with the family hunting a vampire and Samuel using 15-year-old Mary as willing bait. It turns out to be a nest, but they quickly dispatch them without casualties. Deanna appears to be quite the hunter in her own right (her skill with a Claymore outstanding.) Within this hunt we learn a few things about Mary and the Campbell family.

The Campbells have a strong link to their Scottish heritage.

Samuel hates Christmas

Mary is willful, annoying, and disrespectful, but an amazing hunter who was raised practically from birth to how to hunt and defend herself. (Sam parallels, perhaps?)

Mary learned about monsters at 11 when she saw her parents dispatch an avenging spirit.

Samuel hates the idea of Mary hanging out with any boys, though she has a particular fondness for a John Winchester who works as a local auto-mechanic.

Samuel owns a dry-cleaning business and Deanna substitute teaches to help maintain some kind of income.

Mary often wondered about having a normal life, but would dismiss it knowing she couldn't have that and still know monsters are out there. (Seems like a combination of Sam and Dean here).

Other than that, the hunt they go to San Francisco for seems fairly perfunctory. They do a bunch of research, talk to a few locals. Samuel dons his FBI agent schtick, they locate the source of the problem, and quickly dispatch it. There's nothing too dramatic there, just a lot of backstory.

1989: John Winchester

There's a bit more insight here because now we're getting some insight into Dad John, as well as 6-year-old Sam and 10-year-old Dean. I'll touch on a few points.

Leaving his boys with others: We open with John returning to his kids whom he left at Bobby's while he took care of a hunt. He left them long enough that they were enrolled in school and he planned on keeping them there for the fall semester. He felt bad about using Bobby's hospitality for so long.

Training his boys: "John knew his boys would need to be able to defend themselves against whatever was out there - he'd already started that process with Dean... Dean was a crack shot with John's M1911 and could load the shotgun with iron rounds and fire them off in one smooth motion. Eventually he'd need to train Sammy too. But not yet."

Loving his boys: When he arrives at Bobby's, Sam runs out to meet him and wraps his arms around John's legs as he walks in. Sam also tattles on Dean for eating the last donut.

There are also some fun moments between young Sam and Dean, mostly sibling bickering.

Dean and Sam enjoy playing hide-and-seek among Bobby's car on the weekends and Sam enjoys going to school during the week. Dean, not so much.

Sam proudly shares that he's doing 3rd grade work in 1st grade and then teases Dean about also doing 3rd grade work even though he's in 5th grade (Dean then sticks his tongue out at Sam and says "Screw you, Sammy.") At this John calls them out and both boys are chagrined.

Later on, when John calls Bobby for more information, we find Dean holding a pen out of Sam's reach and teasing him with it.

Of course, that call means we also get this heartbreaking line moment from Dean, who wants to talk to his Dad, but can't before John hangs up. Bobby tries to explain: "'Sorry, Dean, he, uh, was on his way out the door. But he told me to tell you both to behave yourselves and do what I tell you. And that he loves you.' Dean: 'Did he really say that?'"

When Bobby presents the next case, John is torn between wanting to spend time with his kids, but going after something that could cause people to burn spontaneously, in the hopes that it might lead him to the demon who killed Mary. I think the book did a good job of capturing John's struggle between revenge and caring for his boys. He's not the abusive, neglectful father people tend to think he is. He's someone struggling to make things right.

"John didn't answer at first. Instead, he looked over at Sam and Dean in the dining room, playing that oh-so-common game of 'I touched you last.'

Christmas was coming up and he did want to spend it with the boys..."

Finally, when John returns and Bobby and the boys meet him at the airport, we get some additional insight into 10-year-old Dean's thoughts regarding his father and his place in the family.

"Waiting there in the airport, he understood how important it was for Dad to be away so much - more than Sammy ever could. Sammy hadn't really known Mom, since he was just a baby when she died. Dean couldn't imagine that his baby brother would ever truly understand what had happened to her.

If he was honest with himself, he didn't really understand it, either. There were some days - though he'd never admit this to anyone - when he couldn't even remember what she looked like.

Some kind of monster had killed Mom, and Dad wouldn't rest until he found that monster and killed it. Along the way, he'd kill any other monsters who tried to kill other people's moms...

Dad still fought the bad guys and saved people, but he also cared about his sons.

Because Dad was a hero, and that was what heroes did."

2009 - Sam and Dean

There isn't much to write about here, because they weren't featured in the book. I will just add a couple of notes.

Dean recognizes Samuel Campbell in a newspaper article about the killings. (He'd already been sent back in time and met his grandfather).

It's seems reasonable to Sam that Mary and her parents were hunters. What freaks him out is that he and Dean were named after their grandparents and John never told them.

Sam's been a nerd about the American Interstate system since he was 10 and loved poring over maps.

Sam feels more guilt from trusting Ruby over Dean than starting the apocalypse.

Final notes:

This book introduces Castiel who brings the case to the boys attention. We get the same stuff in here that you see on screen, he has issues with personal space, comes and goes at will, and Bobby's still mad at him for not being able to heal his paralysis. He's only there for a few pages, and then disappears again.

Bobby gets a bit more screen time, as a pseudo-dad to young Sam and Dean, and later as their resource when researching the case and it's history. Favorite quote: "As he went into the fridge for butter to spread onto the pan, Bobby decided it was the entire Winchester family that was making him bald."

We briefly get Hurt Sam who is punched repeatedly by a hulk of a man, but with no lasting consequences and very little caring Dean.

We find out at the end that Zachariah orchestrated the whole thing by planting the idea in Castiel's head.

So, like I said at the beginning, not my favorite, but hopefully I was able to share some of the more interesting parts. Read at your own risk!

[thewalkingfanfictions]

Softly, Barely a Whisper -- Daryl Dixon x fem!reader (part one)

Softly, Barely a Whisper — Daryl Dixon x fem!reader (pre apocalypse) (part one)

Part One/ Part Two/ Part Three

Description: (Name) moved in with her uncle, the Sheriff of a little town in Northern Georgia, to escape an abusive household. While living with her uncle, she meets Daryl, a redneck with a heart of gold and a life very similar hers. Fluff and angst and awkward shy Daryl Dixon ensue.

⚠Warning⚠: great amounts of bad language, past mentions of abuse, past mentions of rape, there's probably more, this'n's kinda a mess. Don't read if you get triggered easily.

Genre: angsty fluff?? Hurt/comfort?? I've no idea. Is awkward Daryl a genre?

Pairing: teen!Daryl Dixon x teen!fem!abused!reader

A/N: hey, sorry I've been gone for forever, I suck at commitment. I also suck at naming things, hence the title. I wrote another long motherfucker of a "oneshot" and therefore am breaking it into chapters like I did with Impromptu Cuddles, so look out for the other chapters soon enough. Enjoy.

Words without A/N: 3242

<—————————————>

"Sure thing, Daryl. You can use whatever ya'd like, just make sure you put it back afterwards. The doors unlocked and yer more than welcome to go in for a drink or anythin' if ya need it." Bill Coleman, or Sheriff Coleman, as most knew him by, called out as he moved to open the door to his cruiser.

The Sheriff was an interesting character to the youngest Dixon. He had hardened features and a voice like a gravel truck that immediately implied a harsh disposition, his eyes were constantly squinted into a look that resembled judgment, and the vibe he gave off was just generally unpleasant; but, in all reality, Bill Coleman was probably the gentlest man Daryl had ever met. He understood the workings of the Dixon household without ever having to be told, and did what he could to make life any bit easier for the teenager. Whether that be arresting the senior Dixon whenever he found possible, or offering Daryl a place to stay in his home over the weekend. Bill was, all in all, a genuinely kind human being. Something, Daryl found, was rather rare in his life.

But, even though the Sheriff had his trust, and he knew the Sheriff trusted him the same, it still came as a bit of a shock to him to see the officer willingly let him, a Dixon, have open access to his house while no one else was home.

Everyone knew not to trust a Dixon. Nobody in the town was willing to make eye contact with him, let alone trust him to their house and belongings while they were away. Will, his father, had done a fine job of destroying the family name in his drunken escapades, and his brothers addictions did nothing to help. This, combined with the confusion and disbelief that coursed through his system, explained the gawk the boy's eyes held as he stared in awe at Mr. Coleman's retreating figure.

This had to be some kind of trick, right?

"Oh," the Sheriff called. There it was, the part where he'd laugh it off and say "just kidding. Like I'd let a freak like you into my home without supervision."

Once again surprising the young man, his expectation was the farthest thing from what the greying man actually said.

"I fergot ta mention my niece, my sisters kid. She'll be here soon enough, gets off work in a half hour or so. She's been stayin' with me since, ah–" he trailed off a bit, one leg up in the cruiser, the other still planted firmly on the ground as he looked at Daryl over the door's window, looking mildly uncomfortable "–well, she's jus' stayin' with me. She's real sweet, you'll prolly get along with 'er. Jus', eh, just be soft, ya hear? She's a bit skittish, and real shy, too, so don't be too offended if she avoids ya, she don't mean it rude like."

And what on earth could he mean by that? The avoiding that he'd done when describing why she was here, what had happened that he didn't want to talk about? Daryl had a few theories already.

"'Till later, Daryl. Take care, and remember what I told ya, boy." With a wave and a caring (or warning, he could never quite tell with the old man) smile, the grizzled man pulled out of the small driveway and onto the road leading out of the trailer park to go do his civic duty, leaving a still heavily confused, and now slightly concerned, Daryl Dixon standing outside of his garage.

This man, knowing his family's history with bad habits, was not only willing to let the teenager into his home without a watchful eye, but was also perfectly okay knowing he'd be there, alone, with his (skittish and shy) niece?

Maybe the old man is finally losing it, he thought.

Still in shock, the young man turned on his heel, and began the short trek back to the shedd to continue working on the pickup that he had been working on fixing up. Though it was really nothing but a shell sitting on bricks right now, he knew that someday it'd be his pride and joy.

Some uncounted amount of time later, Daryl was finally pulling himself out from under the hood. His throat itched with dryness, and he was covered in sweat from the never-ending harshness of the Georgian sun, but, nonetheless, he couldn't help the little spike of pride that ran through him as he looked down at the beginnings of the new-made guts of his pickup. Allowing himself the luxury of a small smile, he decided he'd finally take the old Sheriff up on his offer, and moved to head into the house to grab something to wet his throat, and maybe even a rag to wipe off his face, if he was feeling risky.

He found, upon entry, that the house was relatively clean. Cleaner than it had been the last time he'd been in there, at least, and only as clean as an old trailer house could really get.

Still, where before there had been newspapers scattered, now there were none, and in place of the cluttered kitchen was a clean countertop and a basket of fresh apples. He didn't dwell on it a whole lot as he moved to the sink to fill up a plastic solo cup, though he did wonder if Bill would mind if he stole an apple. The young Dixon couldn't really remember the last time he'd eaten.

Filling his cup, he was quick to chug it down, the cold a dramatic (but welcome) shock against the harsh dryness of his throat. He let the water run into the sinks basin as he filled the cup up again, again, and then one more time, and only on his fifth return to the water did he realize the difference in sound. A few inches of water was backed up in the bottom of the sink, refusing to go down the drain like it should, and completely changing the sound the water pouring from the faucet made as it headed downwards.

Quickly setting the cup aside and turning off the faucet, he watched the water make its incredibly slow decent into the drain, and decided he needed to pay back Sheriff Coleman's hospitality. It was the least he could do, after all.

Opening the doors that lead to the plumbing beneath the sink, Daryl set himself to work.

~~~~~~~~~~×~~~~~~~~~~

"Good night, (name)!" Mr. Sennet's overly cheery voice called to the young woman as she moved her way through the front doors of the diner.

Calling out a quick goodbye to him as well, she hurriedly climbed into her rig. A shitty little Honda though she was, she still got the young (name) from a to b, and (name) would be forever grateful to her uncle for gifting it to her.

Dusk was just beginning to settle as she took off towards her new residence, and she worried slightly if her uncle would be angry that she was out later than usual. The diner had been busier tonight than normal, and instead of getting off at seven, as per usual, it was now closer to nine.

Taking a calming breath, she reminded herself aloud:

"He's not like they were, he won't be mad at you. He's not like them, he won't be mad."

Though she really did believe it, she still repeated it aloud to herself the entire way back to the house, as if she thought she could will it into existence if she hoped hard enough.

It was silly, she knew, but she didn't really care. After all she'd been through, she thought she deserved a little self reassurance.

The drive to her new home was short lived, though she didn't much mind. She hated to be alone now, it gave her too much time to think, and far too much time to overthink. A regular pastime of hers, it seemed.

It was odd, really. Before, when it was just her and the chromed glass house and the bruising voices, before she was taken away by her uncle, she loved to be alone. She cherished the times of peace she had between the hurt. Now, if she was alone for more than thirty minutes, it was likely she'd be found having a mental breakdown in a bathtub.

But, enough of the depressing stuff.

As the scarred girl pulled into the driveway, she didn't notice the second pair of tracks that accompanied her uncles, as she was far too wrapped up in her head. Something she'd be sure to kick herself for at a later date. She didn't notice the single light that was on in the kitchen, either, nor did she pay mind to the tools that lay neatly around their box as she passed the shedd that functioned as a garage, and she simply put the shell of a pickup truck that sat just outside off as another of her uncles pastimes. Opening and stepping through the front door, she didn't even notice the smudge of mud off the sole of someone's shoe that was left on the carpet.

She did, however, definitely notice the way the hair on the back if her neck stood to attention at the sound of a voice that most definitely wasn't the Sheriffs cursing angrily from the kitchen. Metal clinking to the ground and a tapping on something that echoed like tubing followed behind the exclamation, and (name) felt herself seize up in fear.

"It can't be them," she reminded herself silently, "it isn't them, it can't be."

Swallowing her fear, trying desperately not to let the tears that branded the backs of her eyes build enough to fall, (name) forced herself to move farther into the room, grabbing the aluminum baseball bat that resided behind the door and dropping her bag by a table near the door as she did.

Thinking back to the little bit of self defence that Bill had taught her upon her moving in, she pulled the bat to her side to keep it close enough that no one could easily pull it from her grasp, but could still cause some damage if shoved forwards hard enough.

Sneaking around the corner of the refrigerator that hid the person from view, she took a deep, calming breath before poking her head around to take a peek.

He was young, she could tell, likely not much older than herself. Shaggy, brown-blond hair nearly reached broad shoulders, and even though he was hunched over beneath the kitchen sink, she could still tell he was much larger than her. Muscles flexed under a sleeveless button-down shirt as he twisted a wrench against the plumbing under the basin, grunting lightly as he did.

He didn't seem like he was there to cause trouble, she figured. Who in their right minds broke into a house just to fix their backed up sink? Oh dear, maybe he's not in his right mind? What if they sent him and he's here to kill the girl? What if he was there to bring her back to them somehow? But they were away, they couldn't hurt her, could they? Even from the depths of prison, or the entrapment of the psych ward, the girl didn't really doubt that one of the two could get a word out to have her hurt (killed?) for getting them put away. She was going to die now and she wouldn't even be able to fix the meatloaf that she had planned for tonight's dinner. She felt her body begin to tremble (or perhaps it was already, and she only just then noticed) and her eyes glazed themselves with tears, to her dismay.

Could she swing and knock him unconscious? Could she at least discombobulate the man long enough to escape? Could she really even hurt somebody like that?

Before she could come to a decision, however, the decision came to her.

Away in the living room, a phone rang. The shrill tlrrring! making both bodies jump slightly, and causing the boy bent beneath the kitchen sink to take notice of young (name).

Blue eyes widened as he caught sight of her, baseball bat clutched in hand, and he threw himself backwards and away, slamming his body into the ovens door. Instinctively, his arms moved to guard his face and torso.

"Fuck! Fuckin' hell, girl!" The loud exclamation startled the girl, and she jumped again, shoving against the refrigerator hard enough to make it rattle dangerously.

~~~~~~~~~~×~~~~~~~~~~

Fixing the plumbing turned out to be far more difficult than Daryl had originally assumed. The bits holding the stuff to the things was rusted on, making it difficult to loosen the thingy mabob and clear anything clogging the that thing.

Putting all of his focus into wrenching the bits away from the stuff, Daryl completely failed to notice the other presence in the room with him, and when the phone in the other room shocked him out if his thoughts, he found his mind immediately assuming it was his father standing there with a weapon in hand.

As his back hit the oven and his arms moved to guard his head, he caught full sight of the person, and quickly came to realize his mistake. His heart beat harshly against his ribs, and he couldn't help but exclaim his dislike for the situation.

"Fuck! Fuckin' hell, girl!"

At his shout, the girl flinched away from him so harshly that he thought the refrigerator was going to come crashing down on top of him, and he immediately felt guilty, for some odd reason.

She looked absolutely terrified. (Eye color) eyes big as saucers, glazed with fear and glossy with tears, shaking hands gripped the metal of the baseball bat so hard her skin turned white, and her entire body was shaking like a leaf. Her eyes never left his form as he slowly stood up from the ground, one hand still held out in front of him, whether to ward off an attack, or to show he meant no harm, neither really knew. The girl was down right terrified of him, and he hadn't so much as said a word to deserve it yet.

This had to be the niece the Sheriff was talking about, he decided. The scared look she was giving him as she slowly backed away from him made him feel downright awful, and he knew he needed to do something to show her he meant no harm. So, remembering her uncles words, Daryl worked to make his voice a bit less gruff than usual, and tried to keep the edge out of his tone.

"Uh-uh, I ain't here ta hurtcha, girlie–" she took another quick step back "–I'm a friend of Bill's. I was jus' comin' in ta get a drink, I ain't here ta hurtcha."

There was far more that could be said, he knew, but words never really were his forté, and he wasn't sure how much he could talk before he made her more uncomfortable. However, the little bit that he had said, mostly naming her uncle, he thought, had made her shoulders un-hunch a bit, though she kept her distrusting posture. Smart girl.

Slowly lowering the bat until it pointed at his chest she grabbed it with both hands and hesitantly backed out of the kitchen, beckoning him to follow her. Keeping him safely at the end of the bat, and moved to pick up the still-ringing phone and gingerly press it to her ear, her eyes never leaving him, and the bat never wavering (though it did shiver along with her tremors.)

Her eyes relaxed a bit more at the voice on the other end of the line, and though Daryl couldn't much hear the words that were being said—aside from the mumbled tone—he could still tell it was the sheriffs deep voice that spoke.

"Yeah? Uh-hm, good, I uh, I guess... I did. Of course," as she spoke to the formless voice, Daryl couldn't help the small spike of fear that ran up his spine. What if the Sheriff didn't want him there now that he'd scared the girl? He had warned him, he thought. What if Bill made him go back to his shit-hole house and wouldn't let him come back again? This place was one of the few he had to escape that hell, he didn't want to lose that. What if the officer freaked and called Daryl's dad to come pick him up? He'd have hell to pay if he let that happen. He was sure he'd end up with a few more scars at least if his dad were to find out that someone knew of what went on behind closed doors. The Sheriff, no less. What if he–

His spiraling thoughts were disrupted when he caught the sound of his name coming from the other end of the phone line and immediately tuned back in.

"Uhm, uh, yeah, I–I guess. I mean, yeah, yes, he's still here... Oh, no, he's, uh, he's been nice enough," was she even still talking about the red-necked youth? "Yes, of course it's okay, uncle Bill. Sure-sure thing, yeah, that's okay with me. I was thinking about making meatloaf tonight, anyway, that usually makes enough for more than just you an' me."

Wait, what?

The girl had lowered the weapon, though she still kept a tight grip in it, and gave him a shy, almost apologetic smile, before finally letting her eyes dart away. Daryl stayed frozen in his spot. What was even happening?

"–oh," she suddenly looked dejected at whatever had been said on the other side. Scared, almost. "Yeah, no, no, that's-that's okay, uncle Bill, sure thing. It's okay, promise," she suddenly donned a small smile, and though he knew imediately that it was fake, he still found himself startlingly light-of-breath at the sight.

"Yeah, of course, see you tomorrow, uncle, stay safe." Tomorrow? What? Why was all this so confusing to the youngest Dixon? Why was the disappearance of her smile making him feel so hollow?

The sudden change in the expression that the smaller figure wore was dramatically startling to Daryl. Going from sad and scared and sorry and a bit regretful to blushing and wincing and all together uncomfortable in the blink of an eye, the girl shriekingly exclaimed:

"Uncle Bill! No! Ew, gross! Don–Don't say things like that, ya nasty!" Daryl couldn't help but find her blush and stutter quite endearing.

Even from the few paces away that he was, he could still hear the loud laugh that erupted from the other side of the phone.

"Alrigh–alright, uncle Bill," the girls face was still flushed intensely, "I'm hanging up on you now... Yeah, yes, okay—thanks for that." She winced again at whatever he'd said, and she somehow flushed even harder. In a softer voice, now, "I'll see you tomorrow, then. Stay safe." Her last words were barely a whisper.

Slowly pulling the phone away from her ear, the girl placed it gently on the receiver before turning to glance at Daryl, though he took note that she never once fully looked at him again.

"I'm, uhm, I'm sorry," she whispered, grimacing softly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ו×~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[moosefrog]

Damian: *SIiiiiiigggggghhhh*

Dick: Uh oh, I know that sigh. What's up, little D?

Damian: Father lacks imagination and ambition and I fear he is dragging me down to his level.

Dick: Woah. Not what I had been expecting to hear.

Damian: Sometimes I wonder why Grandfather so admired father?

Dick: Is this because he said you can't drive for a month after you stole his new Lambo?

Damian: *hand wavey* Not at all. I can gain access to a vehicle whenever I need one. Father's 'punishment' barely affects me. No, I am speaking of the bigger picture... or lack thereof.

Dick: Ah. I don't see.

Damian: Grandfather wanted to transform the world, to save the natural world from the greed of Man. Father wants to punch bad guys in the face in a single city and he refuses to scale his ambition up to make real change.

Dick: Erm, yeah. Bruce is kind of... well, single-minded about what he does and the boundaries he sets.

Damian: I approve of the Justice League but they are a reactionary organization and nobody appears to proactively solve the world's problems.

Damian: I am going to inherit more wealth than some nations have and so much more can be done to change the world with that money than buying better armor or faster cars.

Dick: You really like fast cars, tho.

Damian: I like hitting people, too, but that doesn't mean I can't do things to help. I just feel that Grandfather had loftier goals than Father has which... makes it hard for me to understand why Grandfather is referred to as being evil. He was trying to help, in his own way.

Dick: *runs a hand through his hair* Woof. I mean, no wonder you were sighing, this is a lot to be thinking about on a Sunday afternoon. Uh, I guess the thing is, forcing your will on other people is inherently an evil act? Like, small-scale it would be blackmail or rape or abuse but large-scale it makes dictators. Bruce has a lot of power but he chooses to pay his taxes, which he really ought to pressure his peers to do, too, and focuses on law-breakers and society-disruptors whom existing structures and processes can't handle.

Dick: It's kinder for Batman to take down some of these villains and put them in a place they can get treatment than to kill them, which is what current systems would do.

Damian: Is it justice to treat these villains gently when they have killed innocents?

Dick: *sharp* Have you been hanging out with Jason, again?

Damian: *shrugs* He has a point. If MY son had been killed there would be only scorched earth where his murderer had stood.

Dick: *SIiiiiiigggggghhhh* You two... Part of Bruce's strength is his dedication to his ethics. You need to trust in the bat-thos; Damian. It will help keep you on the side of heroes.

Damian: *frowns* So I shouldn't ask for a senator for my birthday?

Dick: *CHOKES* N-no! You can't just BUY people!

Damian: You can. It's not that hard. If father hadn't insisted I get community service I could have easily bought my way out of that speeding ticket. I could own half the police department and not even worry about being pulled over for driving too fast.

Dick: DAMIAN! That is... cynical. And probably accurate. But we don't do that as Waynes, okay? Bruce would be so mad at you if he heard you talking like this.

Damian: *SIIIIIIIIGH* Which is why I'm here with you instead of at the manor preparing to go on patrol. I've been grounded and told to write an essay on ethics and power. 9_9

Dick: Good! Look, I know it's hard for you to unlearn the things your grandfather taught you but the world doesn't need a powerful dictator telling it what to do. Anyways, if you tried it the Justice League would kick your butt.

Damian: *snorts* Like it kicked grandfather's butt? I don't think so. But.. point, taken. It's just... so difficult sometimes NOT to do these things when it would be so easy and effective.

Dick: Gimme your hand.

Damian: *eyes narrow* Why?

Dick: *motions with his hand* C'mon. I won't bite.

Damian: Fine. *holds his hand out stiffly. Dick grabs it and pushes up the sleeve of Damian's shirt and writes WWBD? on his wrist*

Dick: There!

Damian: *squawks* What is the meaning of this graffiti?!

Dick: It's a reminder for you, WWBD stands for, 'What Would Batman Do?' Every time you think about doing something questionable, I want you to ask yourself, what would Batman do? If Batman wouldn't do it, then you probably shouldn't either.

Damian: *yanks his sleeve down, clearly annoyed* I have never had someone WRITE on me like a common piece of PAPER before. >:(

Dick: *snortlaughs* The look on your face! You are so adorable sometimes.

Damian: *reaches for his sword*

Dick: Ah-ah-ahhhh! What would Batman do?

Damian: Ugh. Fine. Your desire to cosplay as a police officer was rooted in a fantasy where you get to be 'normal'. You were raised in a circus and adopted by a crime-fighting billionaire and are preternaturally attractive, there is nothing 'normal' about you and you should just accept that to be true.

Dick: WTF?!?!!?

Damian: Father likes to cut people down with scathing observations when they annoy him.

Dick: ...I asked for that.

Damian: Another acceptable answer would be to punch you. Batman punches people.

Dick: Okay, see, I feel like you're not addressing the spirt of th—

Damian: He also carries around kryptonite even tho Superman is his best friend.

Dick: I just... Go write your essay.

Damian: *grinning now* And he has sex with adversaries in tight catsuits!

Dick: Staaahhhhp!

Damian: I think 'what would Batman do?' is a great guide. Thanks, Grayson! :D

Dick: *drags his hand down his face slowly* What have I done?

[technogeekmituna]

STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE SPOILERS

Pink Diamond Background Analysis

Disclaimer: This post is not a discussion on if Pink Diamond was the worst thing to ever exist, so don't try applying arguments slandering/defending her here. This is a post about, potentially, explaining how she turned into who she was. So enjoy.

Soo... Now that we know Pink Diamond was a bit of a spoiled, temper tantrum throwing, demanding, and violently explosive child-like Diamond and that she expressed her frustrations aggressively, I think a lot of her absence of growth makes sense.

Imagine a child if you will. You know children can be explosive and bratty things sometimes, even if they're raised properly, healthily, and rightly, when they don't get that doll or bike. It just happens. They're growing humans that can't express themselves. They learn and grow, and they eventually learn how to properly process their emotions without having tantrums or breaking things when they get mad.

Now. Imagine a young Pink Diamond raised in an empire based on dictatorships and being in the top ranks with much older Diamonds with a lot of responsibilities and worlds/gems to manage over.

Now compare the two statements. Imagine a four year old sister with her eighteen year old sibling who has all these things that consumes her attention, physical things like make-up, a special keepsake that gets a lot of love, or something new and shiny that is adored and fawned over.

We know how kids are. They want what you have, especially if it takes your attention.

Pink Diamond is basically a child. She wants what the other Diamonds have, and when she can't get it she explodes with her tantrums. Human children can be extremely violent when denied a want: destroying toys, making messes out of anger, ripping things apart, stomping and hitting things, loud yelling, and obnoxious crying/wailing with big crocodile tears. It's awful.

She exhibits almost all of these things. She punches the wall of Yellow's base, she gets stompy and demanding from Stevonnie's POV, she screams when denied things. She broke Pink Pearl.

Now imagine a child all tuckered out from their tantrum. They cry, they're sad. They look around and notice the mess. It's awful, because they were so full of anger, and they didn't know how to express themselves without the violent outburst. Now their toys they love are wrecked and it's their own fault because they caused them to be damaged/broken forever. Now they're miserable.

Pink Diamond was a Diamond that didn't quite fit the quota. She wasn't allowed to have a colony because she doesn't act like a Diamond, she's not fit to run one, she's not mature enough, etc. But she wanted what the others had. She threw her tantrums when denied her wants. She got punished by being locked in a tower, alone, for years, on a lot of occasions.

Child or Diamond, that doesn't teach anything. It only enforces more bad behavior or more backlash of angry emotions. Or being hurt and miserable. Or teaches that you have to act a certain way and to keep your shit to yourself.

Pink Diamond hurt Pink Pearl physically. She also hurt her psychologically to the point P. Pearl's gem couldn't fix her form. Abuse begets more abuse, and even if Pink Diamond didn't mean to, she did it.

She broke and hurt her only friend that she could express herself with, albeit secretly, and White Diamond took the damaged toy away and gave Pink another.

This stage of events changed Pink Diamond. Rather if it was Pink Pearl being damaged and taken away, a fault all due to Pink Diamond, and then Spinel and CG Pearl being given to her to replace her original Pearl or wanting to be seen as mature, this set her to change.

But being a Diamond that was only punished, belittled, mistreated, threatened, abused, ignored, pushed to fit the status quo, told no no no without a follow up as to why or any reasonable explanation to help her understand that she still had to grow up first, made to feel guilty just for herself being more expressive and curious about organic life, shamed, neglected of proper growth and tolerance from the system that made her... fucked Pink Diamond's growth up.

You can only grow and mature so much in an environment that doesn't allow to do too much without repercussions.

Imagine a child wants to do gymnastics. They really want to! They start, they do it, then they don't want to. It could be various reasons, but they don't want to anymore. Yet they are forced to, because it was expensive, because they whined, begged, bothered, and moaned and groaned to do it, so now they gotta. Deal with it.

Pink finally decided she wanted out, so she did what she did. That's the issue of her character. She did bad things, awful things, unforgiving and unforgettably terrible things. She might have been an abuse victim, but she abused others too.

Abuse is a boiling pot word, because when we think of abuse we think violence with bruises and blood, of psychological, emotional, and mental stigmas that limit things because of ptsd flashbacks, child abuse being spanked and yelled at. That the victim is just a victim, and they can't do harm unto others. That's just not how the cycle works.

All situations are different. All reactions are different.

I'm a victim of child abuse. I was physically and verbally abused, but those treatments formed into emotional baggage for years that I'm still working on. I've been a bad friend, a selfish friend, a childish friend, a guilt-tripper, a strain on mental health, I've lied for my own benefit. I've been an abuser. You might not think you are, or maybe you had a self-realization on your actions/behavior, but you have potential to be an abuser too.

It could be a result from my own abuse from my mom, or how she and my grandmother impacted me, or my environment which I suffered in. Or I could just be a bad person. But I understand it's my own problems now and that I have to work on myself. (Probably why I understand/interpret Pink like I do.)

We all try to deal with it, or grow out of it, or ignore it, or whatever to bare with it.

Pink Diamond, despite the HUUUUUGE amounts of problems she left behind, did what she thought was right while dealing with her issues. Keeping her past secret from Pearl, forcing Pearl to keep her identity a secret, not talking about herself, bubbling Bismuth, hiding from the Diamonds-- all her lies and secrets stem from her time on Homeworld. She doesn't understand how to connect to people, like Greg, or she held herself back from getting close to others, like CG Pearl, or how she reflected Garnet's question back at her so she didn't have to talk about herself, or how she fought for a freedom on Earth for a lot of reasons, like maybe her own personal freedom, among her want to save the Earth and its inhabitants.

She tried to protect people by hiding things. She lived and never regretted missing Homeworld, her past life, or the Diamonds. I can almost guarantee you Pink suffered for her actions in the war, regretted the losses. Her actions were her own, and she most likely understood the gravity of the consequences.

They happened though, her mistakes, her guilts, her stemmed problems to Steven, her "running away" from responsibilities, her leaving the Crystal Gems, her detrimental lies coming back to bite everyone, her secrets found by others which ended up ruining their lives, her actions gravely having affects years later... her growth from the life she had.

She was an abuse victim that hurt others too, but she grew all the same from her past and how the Diamonds "raised" and treated her. Her background doesn't entirely define her, but it does define her ability to understand how to properly process/express everything she ever did. It was just unfortunate that a lot of it hurt others she cared about.

She didn't miss the Diamonds. The mere thought of them seemed to irritate her. She can't be compared to them. Because she's not like them. She didn't owe them anything. But she did owe her friends and allies a hella lot.

She's not the worst of the bunch, but she did still come out a bit of a bad, morally gray apple.

[waitingforminjae]

TaeminLive anon, p1: I can't help but feel like my words in my two last asks were kinda harsh towards TM, but it was so difficult to write without it getting too long. I think you're right that this is really hard to discuss when we don't have the full picture and don't know TM personally. I think the overall point I was trying to make in the last ask, was that I have a really hard time differentiating between TM's own actions and SM's orders. Did he himself think "Im going to do a live everyday

pt. 2-3: from now on so that my fans stop being mad that I'm going to Japan on tour" or did SM tell him to? It could be that, aside from giving some distraction from his own thoughts, Instalives also give him a false sense of control? But I do think there's some truth to your theory that TM does insta this much in order to fill in Key's spot. I just don't know whose idea it was, Taemin's or SM's. I guess my theory is that Taemin is being burdened with carrying SHINee's name on his own and that the pressure forces him to act sweet and rational 24/7 in order to always keep abusive Shawols happy, and I'm afraid that he's unable to set the boundaries he needs in order to stay happy and healthy. Sigh. :(

I don’t think you sounded harsh! I just don’t want people to think I’M coming from a mean place when I say certain things, is all!

I think it’s always hard to tell what’s the company and what’s the group’s idea in kpop, but I think it’s especially hard with SHINee bc their entire brand is built around their honesty. Taemin is incredibly good at “faking” sincerity, and so it’s hard to know when he’s “faking” and not. That’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s what makes him (and SHINee) seem ~elevated~ above other groups--they always seem sincere. It’s an incredible gift.

But I don’t know whose idea the instalives were. I tend to believe that SM doesn’t so much give their artists incredibly detailed instructions or role sheets or scripts, but instead relies on their common sense and training to get through PR/Promo things, just like I think that they don’t force the relationships between their artists, but rather capitalize on the ones that exist naturally (i.e. Taemin and Kai being best friends). So, I think it’s possible that SM might have said, “Hey, use this to interact “personally” with your fans”. Obviously it’s going to be monitored, and I bet on that particular day they asked him to go live to appease the Korean fans. Taemin has also been doing this forever now. He can survive without to much control. They trust him. So even though he probably has to clear it with his managers first, they’re likely his idea. But maybe not. It’s impossible to know, unfortunately.

“Could it be that...Instalives give him a false sense of control?” I really hadn’t thought of that before!!! I’m still thinking through this idea in relation to Taemin specifically, but I think in general that is an extremely valid take on why people do lives!! Social media is all about your control over your own self and image, after all.

Taemin isn’t someone I had thought of as having control issues. The question I would ask is, if the lives are rooted in control, then what, exactly, is he trying to control? I’m not sure. I honestly can’t quite see it, but I do know that when I read that sentence my instincts went “YES!!!!!” Which means that I think you might be on to something, but I can’t quite get the pieces together in my head yet. But I do think it would be hard to have a controlling personality and be a kpop idol without straight up having a breakdown, because you can’t really be in control. But at the same time, going live could give you a sense of control bc there’s nothing the company can do in a live moment. So, I don’t know.

(An aside, but I think out of everyone in SHINee, Jonghyun and Key are most likely to have like, legitimate control issues. But that could just be because they seem to have very particular personalities.)

(I have to preface this next bit by saying that, basically, in my opinion there is no such thing as “ethical consumption” of media, and also that I straight up despise both Hollywood and the Korean Entertainment system. So I am biased on this, just like everything else I say!)

In my opinion, kpop itself is built around relationships with boundaries that are fundamentally unhealthy. As long as Taemin is a kpop artist, he is practically incapable of establishing truly healthy boundaries. And, honestly, the extreme cynic in me wants to argue that he’s incapable of it bc he’s been groomed by SM from such a young age. But I try not to let that part of me win ever, so. I’m going to chose to not believe that.

The thing abt Taemin’s instalives, that I literally was just able to put words to now, is that they kind of remind me of how my roommate interacts with her parents. We’re both going to college 12 hours away from home, so we’re really only home for the major holidays. But her parent’s call her randomly all the time, have some ten-minute random casual conversation, and then hang up. Taemin’s lives have a similar energy. It’s like a friend face-timing you. But he is not our friend. I saw somewhere on Twitter yesterday where someone said, like, “kpop is centered around the idol as the product, more so than the music they make”. I think that’s true. A really brutal reading of Taemin’s lives would be that they’re really just another way of him and his team marketing him.

(As another aside, SHINee’s awareness of themselves as a product is extremely fascinating, and one of my favorite things about them. Key, especially. But that’s another conversation lol)

But mostly I think it does boil down to Taemin having to adjust the way he interacts with fans bc he is the only active member rn. There’s no one else to save him from any holes he might dig himself into, or to take up the space. And I think that’s really what it’s all about.

[serenagaywaterford]

'#i am so upset at tht about this lol #(mostly cos yeah reality is that. but i'm watchign fiction dudes. gimme some character journeys. gimme development. gimme hope. #this flatline they have serena on just isn't good storytelling. straight up.)' -- i agree. & the idea i hate the most is that moss & the tht crew might have had a boner over whitford joining them & decided to give him what could have been serena's arc. the architect of the damn colonies can turn out decent but serena can't. GOT IT

“the architect of the damn colonies can turn out decent but serena can’t. GOT IT”

this is probably what drives me the most mad about the choices they made for characters in s3. lawrence literally–unequivocally and by his own admission as well as multiple other characters–created THE FUCKING COLONIES: prison labour camps where ONLY women go to suffer excruciating pain and rot from disease and DIE. he also, unarguably and explicitly, created THE ENTIRE ECONOMIC SYSTEM on which gilead relies on for its propagation and survival.

without HIM, gilead would NOT exist. and this isn’t a little thing. it’s like, it literally would have fallen apart without his massive contribution. (sure, maybe they would have found another genius economist with a penchant for brutal misogyny but as it stands, they didn’t have one. and HE STILL helps gilead survive.)

but uwu, he makes jokes and doesn’t do the ceremony and loves his wife so WHAT A GREAT GUY! LET’S GIVE HIM A RELUCTANT REDEMPTION ARC!!!!

i fucking loathe him. and he was shown multiple times even in s3 what he thinks of ALL women, and that isn’t fucking much. he’s gross. “i love my wife” YEAH sure buddy. fuck you. if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have created an entire system where she gets fucked right over to the point she kills herself. cool beans, dude.

s3 was all about lawrence and june being reluctant allies and her working her dumbass moves on him, and that bullshit handholding at the funeral FOR THE WIFE THAT JUNE BASICALLY KILLED??? please just let me vomit in my mouth a bit.

he is not a good guy. he is not a nice guy. he does not like women. he does not care about them. he’s a pathetic little misogynist that she looks out for himself. but omg look how conflicted he is about the ceremony!!! UWU PRECIOUS BEAN, TOO PURE FOR THIS HORRIBLE WORLD!!

it’s like fandom/the showrunners are just salivating over male characters to woobiefy.

meanwhile MEANWHILE there’s a female character, the second most developed character on the entire show with the second most amount of screentime (prior to mid s3 anyway) and already a foil to june and “villain”esque character theoretically capable of change, but hey, no. let’s ignore the entire trajectory serena was on for the latter half of s2. let’s even ignore early s3 and all that set up. let’s just FUCKING FLATLINE her and make her 100% obsessed with a baby. it’s not like that storyline was already wrapped up in s2 and she’d moved on by early s3.

all so june could have some ~exciting plot of winning over lawrence and oooooh look it’s bradley whitford. what a great guy. he’s so funnieeeee and nice. 

it really does feel like they aborted serena’s arc for the sake of inserting whitford into what should have been serena’s journey of gradually coming to terms with her involvement in gilead, her own overwhelming guilt about her involvement (which i would like to point out is LESS than lawrence’s contributions. just so we’re all on the same page). and i know miller has said he “doesn’t believe in redemption arcs” (bullshit. that’s pure bullshit. they exist whether you believe in them or not, for one thing.) but lawrence’s character has been doing EXACTLY that. and all the fandom is frothing about how amazing he is blah blah blah. fucking miss me with that. i will NEVER root for a man who has done that to women and is a KEY player in gilead. he didn’t just help invent it, he CURRENTLY still sustains it. he seemed to have little concern for ANYBODY even at the beginning of s3. yet still he’s a hero. (at least the character is like “oooh i’m not a hero” which kinda sounded totally insincere to me. the same way people throw pity parties for themselves.)

but god forbid a problematic female character portrayed by a fantastic (but lesser known) actress gets the same generosity. and what’s even crazier is that the audience was generally in favor and excited about serena joining june in the resistance prior to s3, and even in the beginning episodes of s3. based on social media anyway.

but no……….

i just….

it infuriates me how they chose to give what could have been a decent character arc for serena to lawrence instead (and to take that from yvonne and hand it over to whitford cos he’s just so great. rolling my eyes so hard.). and everyone is just like “yasss king! we love you!! what great guy for saving those kids!!! yay redemption for lawrence! i love brad whitford so amazing give him an emmy!!!” 

i get they need to keep serena around and in some sort of conflict for june. 

actually no. i don’t get it. i don’t think it’s necessary at this point to have a female adversary of that degree for june. i think she could easily be a complicated/conflicted ally, or at least not a direct enemy of june’s. the SYSTEM is evil enough and produces enough conflict on its own. june no longer needs the personification of it and neither do we. just… ugh. stagnating the MOST complex character on the show (fight me. serena as a character was more complex and dynamic than june.) for the sake of throwing her in some stupid sideplot that had nothing to do with the protagonist, and made her entire story arc stall into a dead stop was a dumbass fucking move. the whole fred thing dragged her the fuck down cos there was zero acknowledgement or exploration of the actual dynamic of the domestic abuse cycle which was PLAINLY visible in early s3. instead it was just NICHOLEEEEEE!!!!! GIVE ME BABBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST HAVE BABBY!!!!!!!!!! every single character motivation serena had in s3 was a fucking sexist trope about women and baby fever. (not that they wrote june much better but this rant is about the shit they pulled with serena.)

there is no depth to any conflict anymore. and what drives me even crazier is that the few scenes with june and serena are still 100 times more interesting because of the pre-existing chemistry and dynamic they still have. but instead we’ve just got the same fucking scene of june/lawrence over and over for 8 episodes. “ooh is he a friend or foe? oh i will manipulate him! he is an ally! oh maybe he’s a foe, or friend, or foe, or friend?! who cares!! look how he lubs childrens! uwu!!”

they seem absolutely intent on keeping serena a villain, to the point of total irrationality. and the only way to do that is strip her character of any nuance and give her a singular and stupid motivation and pair that with a really boring and flat subplot. cos, organically, the character WOULD develop and learn and change, but since they’re fucking obsessed with not giving her anything even resembling “redemption” for some bullshit reason, they’ve thrown her entire narrative arc under the bus and just left her there.

and people wonder why i have no interest in s4. it’s cos of this shit. why the fuck would i be interested in watching yet another season of serena doing fuck all? (ooh a trial? BORING and guaranteed to make no rational sense. back to gilead? what for?! they’re never going to let her change/grow anyway!)… and june being painted as some saint and saviour, despite being not that much better anymore. and Lawrence being lauded as a goddamn hero for doing the very fucking bare minimum for no real discernible reason we’ve seen other than june’s oh so amazing ~wiles. like please.

i can’t stand june anymore. i fucking loathe lawrence (to me, he’s just nick 2.0). i don’t care about fred. moira and emily who? and am butthurt about what they’ve done to serena’s character journey (and can’t see that changing if miller, moss, & co. are so itnent on keeping her “evil”). so s4 doesn’t seem that fun to me.

and the fact everyone seems to have a hard on for whitford, including cast and crew just makes me angry. sure, give this dude all the good shit. take it away from the amazing female actors and just give it to him. why not? THT is male-run anyway and IT SHOWS. he should have been a minor character, not the focus next to june. (don’t even get me started on how fiennes gets second billing in the credits before yvonne cos i am so livid every single time i see taht.)

whatever, THT. whatever. bye. ugh.

wow anyway that was a rant i didn’t expect to make. thanks anon for drawing that out. i think i’ve been sitting on it a while lol.

i have a lot of rage.

[the-gays-took-my-coffee]

This is probably way too personal, but... How did you get out of home? (If you did, if not out of the church/system that pulls you back in) I'm not a Mormon, my family is catholic though and believes that marriage is the only way to happiness. They set me a timelimit that is around 3-4 years from now, and it's really hard to think of how to leave. I am studying and need to find a source of income, a place, I need to cut all contact but I feel like I can't just leave them, they're my family.

(2/2) Sorry for not specifying ahaha, they want to "arrange" (read: force) a marriage for me in around 3-4 years. For now I'm safe, but how long? It's honestly more the emotional part, how could I just drop them like that?

Alright anon, buckle up because this is going to be a very long post. 

Okay, first, understand that your parents cannot make you do anything. I don’t know how old you are, so if you’ll be 18 in 3-4 years this whole thing will be a lot easier. If you won’t be 18 in that time there will be options, I don’t know all the resources but I’m sure you can look up something. One option I do know of is being emancipated. I am still currently with my parents, unfortunately, but I might be planning on doing that myself. If I do get emancipated, a friend and I will be moving out together (she’s 20). If you don’t have any friends that you can move out with, or any family members you can stay with, look at roommate listings after you’re emancipated.

I don’t know if studying means you’re in college or high school or taking online courses or another alternative. But as far as finances go, do what you can to support yourself. Get a better job, consider freelancing (there are tons of options), take out a loan if you need to but be careful with that one. Get a drivers license, look at other alternative living places that have cheap rent. You could always take a break from school and do something like an apprenticeship or a Workaway option. 

As for my religion, I started finding every excuse I could to not go. When I came out to my dad (a mistake) and he told my mom (a mistake) they wanted to make sure I would definitely keep going to church. For some of my really old followers on here, they might remember when I was still mormon and posting LGBT Christian things. I don’t know if you’re LGBT or not, but if you are and not out, it might make things harder. I’d advise waiting until you are out on your own to come out to them. As for being Catholic, if you don’t consider yourself part of the religion then it might be best to wait until you tell your parents. I told mine already, and even though they were really really mad at me, they eventually said it was fine as long as I kept God in my life. I haven’t told them of my interest in any other religions I’m exploring and I don’t plan to until I move out.

I get not wanting to leave them, really I do. It’s possible your family just wants you to be married in that amount of time because they truly believe it’s the only way you can be happy. If you do believe in the religion and just have an issue with the marriage thing they want for you, I would advise you to try and talk to them, explain to them your feelings. If they completely ignore all of that, I am sorry to tell you but they couldn’t possibly care about your true feelings. They don’t respect you as a person. When/if you have this talk make sure you either have some money for a motel room (some motels will take minors) or contact a friend ahead of time to see if you could spend the night there if you think the conversation will go bad.

Sometimes leaving your family is the only thing to do. Sometimes they just can’t give you the love and respect that you deserve. It sucks, it really sucks, but that’s just how it is. My parents emotionally abuse me daily and I know what it’s like to be put under that kind of pressure. My mom is still my mom, my dad is still my dad. My mom took me out shopping and my dad read me bedtime stories. But the good things, no matter how good they were, never matter more than the bad things. It will be much better for you, in the long run, to cut yourself off from them and rebuild yourself. If you decide you want a relationship later on in the future, that’s completely up to you. It’s okay to not have a good relationship with your parents.

I hope this helps you and I really relate to your situation. If you want to message me, I am more than willing to talk to you since this is such a tough subject. Or if you’re not comfortable messaging me and want me to send me more information so I could give you resources, that works too. Thanks for coming to me with this, anon. I hope it helps. If anyone else has something that could help please comment.

[prettylittleliarsxxxx]

Thanks for the link! I read it all and I've a few thoughts. 1) the abuse is visible tho so subtle it's invisible to someone who can't relate which isn't a coincidence bc 2) I bet the writers aren't even aware they're writing abuse? Bc their relationship comes off as so ~romantic~ in that way where obsession/abuse is wrapped up as ~true love~, you know the one 3) this is INCREDIBLY dangerous bc even if someone is in a non-abusive relationship, they can still come out damaged bc they think (...)

(2) submitting themselves to someone romantically is true love. Except it's not? This relationship I'm in now is the first where I'm not under any pressure from the guy to follow his will or perform the way he wants, like before I don't think it was abusive but I just felt like I didn't have much of a choice objecting? Like I'd do stuff to keep him around, in one case apologise frantically or in another, stick around after being cheated on etc. Not that u care about my personal stuff but (...)

(3) it's just that I hate for abuse/obsessive relationships to be romanticised cos they're not!!! I don't think pll has a truly healthy relationship tho? Even if you think of the parents maybe only Emily's parents has a healthy relationship. I'm so!! Mad!!

Sorry for the rant lmao feel free to not even read it I just wanna get it out. Like. I hate the tv trope of "but I love him!" Like I know it happens in real life (I've been there too) but bc of that it's all /all the more/ important to NOT display it in fiction!! Bc people (especially girls) will see this stuff and think "oh but I'm so in love!!" and think it justifies everything they're being put through. Like I could've made it out of 2 relationships healthy and well if not for that (...)

(...) but instead I believed in the ~romance~ so much I wrecked myself so much and even now in a much healthier relationship it's still in my system. Sorry for blabbering lmao it's just the spoby thing set me off

Trust me, you don’t gotta apologize for rants like these to me. I absolutely agree. Because that’s the thing, like, if I had seen actual health relationships portrayed in media, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so caught up in one that wasn’t. Because I genuinely had no idea until several years after we broke up the last time. 

And it is frustrating because you’re right, they are probably fully unaware what they’re writing and honestly, no shade to Troian or Keegan, but I don’t think they know either because they do promote it and talk about how they’re soulmates and stuff but the thing is, you can love someone so much and have it not be enough. Love isn’t always enough. And everyone has different definitions of love, too. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think my ex loved me. He did. It just wasn’t the right kind of love, it wasn’t the love I needed or wanted, it was an abusive love and people kind of assume that if someone is abusive, they don’t know love. Maybe they don’t know “real” love but after ten years with this guy, yeah, of course I believe he loved me, you know? :/ 

I was listening to 7 Things by Miley Cyr*s the other day and it occurred to me, like, all the bad things she’s listing are so much more important than the ones she’s listening that she likes and it’s things like that that really fuck up a young girls mind. Love just isn’t always enough.