#and she’s always shown throwing herself in the fire if that means that she’ll win/ protect whoever else is fighting alongside her like

[tariah23]

What’s with folks saying that they don’t “get,” Maki’s character and that it seems like she doesn’t care about anything/ anyone anymore or have any goals. That she’s just a muscle head who’s creeping towards being power hungry? Have we not been reading the same manga all this time or not-

[kdramafeminist]

Performative Badassery & Women in Kdramas

When I said I wrote an essay, I meant essay. This is a long one! Grab a snack and venture below the read more. I’ll see you at the end!

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You know the feeling. The drama begins. Our female main lead walks onto screen. She’s a successful businesswoman, a hotshot detective, clever lawyer, smartass retail worker, etc, etc. She stares down a random man to prove she’s the powerful one here. Or kicks some ass. Or rattles off a bunch of demands to her workers. Or talks fast to show off her intelligence.

Then she meets the male lead. There’re fireworks. Slowly we find our female lead has a softer side. Good to know. 3-dimensional and complex characters are important. It’s nice to see women on-screen who are both capable and emotional. Kick ass and feminine. 

But slowly... something starts to go wrong. She seems to be crying more than showing literally any other kind of emotion. And is it just me or is she getting saved and manhandled and flustered quite a lot for a woman who we were told was so well put together? Sure, the circumstances are extreme. But they’re extreme for the male lead too and he seems to be managing just fine for some reason. Also, if both of them are ordinary people with no on-screen fighting experience, how come he’s so great at throwing fists out of nowhere and she’s busy keeping hidden or needing rescuing? Exactly how many times can one person just faint like that without anyone checking to see if she has a medical condition?

By the drama’s end our lead has gone through trials and tribulations. She’s fallen in love too, I’m happy for her. But... now that the story’s ending and she’s getting in one last chance to show us she’s a “badass”, why am I left feeling hollow? She’s showing us how tough she is but... we ALL spent this whole drama watching her have absolutely no agency or such a little amount that she might as well have been trying to put out a fire with a water-pistol. It’s almost like her previous badassery (in whatever form it may have been - I don’t mean badass only in terms of being able to throw a good punch) was just a façade. A way to hook in female viewers like me who want to see something more than a wilting wallflower or one-trick Cinderella. But the tiniest knock and the cardboard house collapses.

And no matter how many times we get throwaway lines about her being “the smartest/toughest/scariest/most capable one here” it doesn’t ring true compared to the actual character we’re watching.

Rom-coms, melos and sagueks especially (but many more genres besides), have a real problem when it comes to performative badassery in their female characters. The writers give us a female lead they claim is hyper competent, but the reality is totally different. Any plot that features romance, almost always features this. Honestly the way the start of the relationship in dramas actively MURDERS the female character’s agency could be its own essay so I won’t go deep, just know the two are 100% linked.

The “Faux Action Girl” Problem 

A Faux Action Girl happens when a writer wants the popularity that comes with having a cool action girl character, or they want the praise that comes with writing a lead that breaks gender norms, or they want to be lauded for writing a FL whose more capable & progressive than the female kdrama lead we’d imagine, but they don’t end up actually giving us her. Instead we get the fake or faux version. The reasons are usually a combination of:

Relying on outdated tropes. Wrist grabs, damsels in distress, a girl fainting so she misses some vital plot related moment to increase runtime etc...

Sexist worldviews. As a by-product of being Korean which is still a heavily sexist country because of the holdover of Confucianism mixed in with the Christianity westerners brought over that leads many writers to (often without even realising) inserting moments that inadvertently reduce their female leads because they think that’s what correct or natural for the female character based on their opinion of women in general. Even if it doesn’t actually fit the type of character they’ve set out to create.

Executive meddling. Producers who think their demographic wouldn’t be able to handle a real badass but also know their female viewers want more complexity and agency in their FLs these days and so give us the paper-version instead of the 3D model.

This character’s more “badass” traits are nearly always just an Informed Ability (the writers tell us via other characters what she can do but never actually show us on-screen these same things) or we only ever see her utilise them once/twice at the beginning and maybe if we’re lucky once at the end, but never again. 

It really hurts.

The “Badass Decay/Chickification” Problem

Sometimes she really is a legitimate action girl though. She’ll be a cop whose good at her job or an ordinary citizen whose well-versed in taekwondo. She has actual moments on-screen to prove herself. 

Well. She has moments in episodes 1 and 2. Then she almost always goes through Badass Decay/Chickification. Which means that writers (& producers) believe that if we don’t see her having a softer side, she’ll become unrealistic or unlikeable. 

They fix her. So she becomes more vulnerable. As the only girl on the team (usually), she becomes the one who ends up injured more often or needs rescuing most. Her life begins to revolve entirely around her romance and nothing else. (Meanwhile the male leads gets to have the romance and keep his side-quest - have you noticed that? If the FL is really lucky she gets to keep one side-quest too, maybe a dream job or solving some family mystery. Never more though.. only men get to be complicated here). Once she was competent... now it feels like she legitimately had a personality transplant. 

Is this even the same person we began with?

The “Worf Effect” Problem 

Worf Effect is when the danger/power level of a villain is shown to the audience by making him successfully attack/hurt/ruin the plans of someone that the audience knows is skilled. This isn’t a bad thing alone and writers use it all the time. We need to acknowledge the villain as a proper threat and this is a useful way to do it!

But in kdramas it’s something used almost always against the lead female character. The one we’ve seen is intelligent, or strong-willed or quick-witted. 

And because it’s always her, this character begins to look weak. If this writing trope is abused, her reputation as the "biggest, toughest" etc. begins to look like it never existed and we’re back to her having an informed ability. 

That this is something that happens to the female characters not only more often but almost exclusively is a sign of sexism. Plain and simple.

Competent, Real Badass Female Characters Aren’t Scary

 If you’re going to sell me a capable woman, give me her. 

Not someone who has one very unique, specialised skill but otherwise can do nothing else except for that one time when her one skill is useful. 

Or has built up her own empire, implying a certain level of smarts, business ability or networking skills, but then once she’s removed from it she becomes so utterly useless it begs the question how she built that empire in the first place. 

Or has a rep as the detective whose taken down the toughest guys off-screen, but whatever skills she used to do that seem to disappear the moment anything really challenging happens on-screen. 

I’m not saying she needs to win all the time. Of course she doesn’t, how boring is that? All I’m asking is that when she loses, it’s in keeping with the character I’m supposedly watching. A woman that can kick ass can still be outwitted. A clever woman can be physically beaten. A street-smart girl can be foiled by rules and regulations. A leader-type can be beat by someone whose more unconventional.

It’s not difficult to write someone like this. I know the writers can do it because every male lead is written this way. I’ve never once, whilst watching a badass male lead lose, get beaten and cry, thought “oh no, his badassery was fake all along!”

Because when he loses it makes sense. It’s in character. There’s a solid plot reason behind why it happens.

Meanwhile my ladies who are meant to be able to kick ass and take names somehow just got kidnapped out of nowhere?

Make it make sense!

Consistent Characterisation is Good Writing

I get wanting moments where one is injured and the other fusses over them. I love those moments! All I ask is more imagination taken to get us to that point. Make it in-character. If my taekwondo black belt is kidnapped, I want to see her really fight. I want the kidnapping to be shown as genuinely tough on the people trying to nab her. Imagine how much more satisfying it would be to see her fight off all these bad guys, yet still end up losing? How much more heart-breaking?

We’d be so much more invested in the mind games or politics the villain is playing if the female lead we’ve been told is good at that stuff is playing the game just as hard. When she loses it’ll hurt more.

Writers need to stop being afraid that her remaining capable in some way diminishes the masculinity, attractiveness, prowess or “hero” status of the male lead. Trust me. It doesn’t. Ever. 

It’s not a case of either/or. We don’t think less of the male lead because his partner is as capable as him in whatever way that may be. Instead, we think more of them both. Once a romance begins, the heightened worry both characters have for each other should only make both of them stronger in whatever area they’re skill lies in. Not just make the man a sudden defence wall and the woman a worrying mess. 

I’m sure everyone who reads this can immediately think of at least one drama with a FL who is a Performative Badass. I know I had about ten in mind as I wrote this. 

There are exceptions. Cases where the badass gets to stay a badass. Usually these cases happen in genres without romance because like I said above, those problems are linked. But I can think of a few romcoms/sageuks/melos where it happens too. 

But those are the minority.

Women in kdramas. Give them agency. Make their characterisation genuine, not just a bit-part for the sake of a cool trailer. Not just one moment someone can edit into a “badass multifemale” video edit - only for us to watch the drama from the clip and discover we’ve been sold a lie. 

How satisfied would we be?

Writers! Give us a story we enjoyed because of the excellent characterisation. A new female character we can add to our lists of faves. Women who proved themselves as consistently badass as their first scenes claimed. Women in kdramas who, no matter what problem they faced, don’t become echoes or paper-thin versions of who we were promised.

Actual, complex, layered, enjoyable, KICK-ASS AND BADASS female leads.

Wouldn’t that be a miracle.

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PS. This is an open notice that it’s OKAY to reblog with added commentary/thoughts/rambles of your own. I would *love* to see it if you have anything to add.

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(Disclaimer: This essay was written with a specific female character type in mind. I am not saying every FL needs to be a badass or hyper competent. Soft, shy, physically weak female characters exist and can be just as realistic and complex. There’s a few I can think of who I adore. Instead my essay is very specifically about characters who are *meant* to be badass from the start but then... don’t end up being. So, yeah, before anyone claims I’m some angry feminist who needs every FL to be some tough martial artist or something. Absolutely not! Diversity is amazing and interesting. All I ask is that when I am told I’ll be getting a badass in a drama I get her. Not have my heart broken by the fake wilting flower I find in her place. Ok. End disclaimer. ^^)

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Also I’m tagging a bunch of you because you reblogged my post saying you wanted this so here! TY for making it to the end ^^

@kdramaxoxo​ @islandsofchaos @storytellergirl @vernalagnia-blog @lostindramas @salaamdreamer​ @planb-is-in-effect​ 

[murderoustedbear]

War (unfinished but I plan to finish it)

My neighboring kingdom, Atarius, has been thriving for years under the rule of an unknown queen. None of her people have seen her face except those in her palace and they are sworn to secrecy. She is known for turning down marriage offers but I plan to win her over. If she does refuse my hand in marriage, I’ll over throw her.

Years ago, my kingdom was grand, as big as hers. However we went to war with a country suffering the plague. As men came back, they spread the illness. Our numbers are low however, her’s are lower. The plague hit them harder than us. There’s a rumor that the queen herself helped nurse her people and was killed from the plague. Of course that would leave the question of who is ruling. No one knows. All I know is her population is about half of mine. With both our kingdoms we could conquer half of Ruasiae.

A knock rings against my chamber doors as I dream of the unknown queen’s face. “Come in.” I roll my eyes.

My royal advisor enters, studying me. “Sorry to disturb you, Majesty.”

“Quill! My dear friend! You are no disturbance.”

He nods, “There’s been news that Atarius’ queen will be holding a ceremony. Invites have been sent out to several of her neighboring kingdom’s.”

At this, he has my full attention, “Ceremony? Of what sort?”

“I haven’t the slightest, sir. I believe she is looking to seek an alliance with some. It’s quite an intelligent strategy on her behalf. She’s had no problems with us, never lifted a finger to harm us nor the other countries. Rather kept to herself and her country. A spy from another kingdom has returned and has news regarding Ityal.”

“The news?”

“He’ll speak only to you, sir.”

“Send him up!” I demand, a bit too harshly. I look at the ridges on my nails hinting at the anxiety they’ve fallen victim to.

Minutes later, Quill has returned with the spy in tow, “Here’s your spy.” He leaves, shutting the door. My mouth goes dry. I can’t believe I called her a him.

“What news do you bring?”

The fragile maiden grins, golden eyes shining, “You’ll love this, sire.” She sits at the end of my bed. “I’m sure you’ve heard the news, the queen of Atarius has sent out invites for a ceremony. She’s seeking to save herself and her dear kingdom. A week ago, Ityal’s widower king sought to court the queen. She shut him down faster than lightning strikes the ground. Well he sucks at taking rejection and so he began plotting to destroy her kingdom. However, a servant that stayed in her castle for a while when he was there had grown fond of her due to her kindness and sent her a warning. She’s trying to find a way to keep her kingdom safe and if she dies in the process, someone to rule for her.”

I consider this. If she turns down my proposal and becomes allies with another country, it may become impossible to overthrow her. “Thank you, um… What’s your name?”

She didn’t answer but instead said, “I was there, at her palace.”

“Did you see her? Tell me about her.” I’m studying the spy now.

“She never spoke, rather communicated with hand symbols that a guard would translate. Her dresses never revealed any part of her body and weren’t tight at anypoint. Her face remained covered the entire time. She didn’t eat or drink around us. She wore gloves. She always had the same guards with her.” I frowned, hoping to have known what she looked like. “She was kind though. We went with her once to check on her kingdom. She doesn’t have any beggars, they all live in cabins and everyone has a job. Everyone contributes to the kingdom. She’s loved by her people. Children will run up and hug her and she hugs them back. She’s an honorable queen, the type that loves her people. The only reason she cares to continue ruling is because if someone else were to rule in her place, they may harm them. She’s compassionate.”

“Good qualities of a queen. Why hasn’t she married yet, do you know?” I inquire, considering the possibilities.

“Many reasons. She doesn’t want someone controlling her and ruling her people, tearing down what she’s built and she feels, marriage will lead to that. She wishes to not have children. She refuses to be married to a man who has a mistress or multiple mistresses in some cases. She hasn’t found someone she loves and will only marry for love.”

“So, if I want to marry her, I need to stay loyal, let her rule her people how she wishes, not pressure her into having children, and get her to love me?” That won’t be too hard.

She scoffed, “You have to love her too! There’s more to it all. She knows how many queens have been treated by their husbands and she want to be treated differently!” She walked out the room without another word. The last thing I saw as the door slammed was fire red hair swiching about.

At this point, I like this challenge.

Two days later

I’m dining alone in my chambers when Quill knocks.

“Enter.”

“Sire, a messenger has arrived.”

“Well let them in.”

A girl, no older than fifteen enters. Her blonde hair braided down her back. “King Arawn of Omirran, I bring news from Queen Myla of Atarius.” She stares me in the eyes, fearless.

“Go on.” It’s unsettling, having a servant look me in the eyes however, I cannot harm her as she is not mine and I do not want to be on Queen Myla’s bad side.

She clears her throat, “You are invited to celebrate the Queen’s twenty-fourth birthday in her palace for a fortnight. The ceremony begins overmorrow. You may bring with you a guest of whomever you like. Please note, upon reaching Atarius’ gates, you and your guests will be searched of weapons. Any weapons held by you and your party will be confiscated until you leave to ensure the safety of the people, the queen, other guests, and yourself. Please be ready to show the guards your invitation in order to be let in the gates.” The girl hands Quill the invite and leaves without another word.

Two weeks. I have two weeks to be in her palace. Can I charm her? Make her love me?

I call in every girl that lives or works in the palace, including the spy. The spy describes Queen Myla and the girls collaborate together a list of possible ways to charm her. All I need is her to develop a crush on me, I’ll propose and she’ll say yes, we’ll get married right away and my kingdom will be expanded.

The challenge is actually making this happen as there’s not much to work with. I don’t know know much about her. However, the strategy is to focus on personality. Originally, I was going to shower her with expensive gift, but everyone pointed out that every other suitor has tried this or will try it and she has turned them all down. I hope this works. I can’t afford to fail.

As the palace begins for my departure to Atarius, I decide that I shall bring her a single gift. I shall bring her a dragon flower from .the palace gardens. One that is yet to bloom so it shall bloom that night.

Two days later

On the day we’re to set out, I wake up before dawn. My thoughts are beasts, tearing my mind to shreds. There’s no way I’ll make her fall for me. No way I can charm her. Whatever higher deity that exists out there in the universe has shown me that.

My entire life, I’ve always believed there’s a higher power who sends us visions in the night. Whoever, whatever, this higher power is, they’ve sent me one and I know better than to question the message they convey.

I call Quill to my chambers and describe my dream. “I was there, with her. The more I tried to charm her, the harder it became. She grew cold in her heart towards me. I tried to tame her heart and call her mine but she did not wish to be trapped. She married me for the same of her sanity and then murdered me. Like a tigress in captivity, never meant to be tamed.”

“Sire,” Quill breaks my thoughts, “Perhaps you’re not seeing the true meaning… Only she can make herself love you. Love is not just an emotion… Love is a choice and she must choose to love you. No one and no thing can make her love you. Just be yourself and let her find you herself.”

This is why Quill is my advisor and dearest friend. He is wise and is always good with advice.

The day drags on as Quills words echo in my brain. Let her fall in love with me on her own. Why does that even make sense? I mean, I know everyone will put on a mask and treat her kindly and act like who they think she’d like so the best way to let her fall for me is to do the opposite.

We arrive at Queen Myla’s palace as dusk begins to blanket the world with her comforting shadows. I can see rulers from neighboring countries gathering to meet the mysterious queen.

Palace guards escort us to the throne room and none can help but marvel at the beauty. The floors are polished black marble filled with golden webs. Obsidian columns tower above, cradling a ceiling of stars. The illusion of stars came from gems embedded in the black ceiling. One would wonder how Queen Myla lit her throne room but she managed. Torches lounged on every column and their glow reflected off the precious stones. My gaze wandered to the front of the room. Two steps up led to a white marble platform that held a silver throne. Seated on the throne was who I assumed to be the queen. Her dark gown flowed to the floor, hiding her legs and feet. As my eyes traveled up, I noticed her gown was not form fitting at all but loose as my spy had described. Her hands were gloved with silver fabric and resting on the arms of her throne. My eyes came to rest on the veil hiding her face. Not an inch of skin could be seen.

Guards flanked her, staring ahead. My eyes noticed a guard standing rather close to the queen, closer than the others. I wonder why.

Queen Myla begins signing something and the guard who was close to her begins to translate the signs. “Welcome all, the queen is delighted to see many of you here and looks forward to celebrating with you. Since Myla has become queen, the country of Atarius has become reclusive and relied on only herself and her people but now it is time to befriend her neighbors and come out of her reclusive state.”

A man from another country responds, “If Myla wants to befriend us, why won’t she talk herself? Or show her face at least?”

The guard’s hand slid to the hilt of his sword, “First off, it is Queen Myla to everyone here, you are in no position to disregard her title or disrespect her. She welcomed you into her kingdom. Secondly, watch your tongue or have it cut from your head. I will not hesitate to show you how to respect a lady. Finally, she owes no one an explanation. If you cannot respect that alone, you are free to leave and never return.”

Queen Myla had yet to move in response to the man’s comment. Her hand glided through the air to the guard’s arm. I watched as she traced something on his bicep. The guard only nodded and relaxed. Did they have a relationship? Is that why she rejected all?

As the night waltzed on, Queen Myla’s voice was never heard, but rather the guard voiced her words for her. I noted that she didn’t eat nor drink. Why? What was her reason for keeping her face covered?

At some point, my curiosity got the best of me. “Your majesty,” I began, “I mean no disrespect but I am dreadfully curious.”

Her head bowed for a moment, an invitation to ask my question.

“Why do you hide your face? Why do you not speak? Again, I mean no disrespect.”

Her hands glided through the air and the guard translated, “I hide my face for many reasons. One is for respect. If I were to show my feminine features, men would not respect me as much as they do, though I am still respected less than men are. By hiding my face, you have no way of seeing the femininity in my face, forcing you to ignore how I may look and respect me. This is why my dresses aren’t like dresses of women in other courts. As for my voice, I was mocked for my voice long before I became silent. It will not happen again.”

“Mocked? How?” I watched the guard, careful not to cross any boundaries.

“I was the only heir to the throne. My voice was soft and fragile. The court used to mock my voice, sneering at how soft it was. I was told to marry a man with a deep, strong voice as soon as I came of age so I wouldn’t have to make any decrees and would be taken more seriously.”

“Were you ever married?”

She shakes her head, “I didn’t wish to be married.”

I nodded, it was understandable. I didn’t want to be married either when I first became king. Probably for different reasons but nonetheless, I could understand. “Queen Myla, I brought you a gift.”

The guard rolls his eyes. He must’ve been tired of all her suitors bringing gifts.

I produced a small box made of midnight valadium. As I stand, I feel everyone’s eyes drift to the box. I thank my blacksmith for being good at crafting. As I handed her the box, the guard stiffens, watching me. I return to my seat and watch as he whispers to her.

Her head bows and she traces on his arm again. What did they say? Her hands glide over the lid and I know she’s admiring the box. I was right to have him engrave flowers. I noticed he had added a small proverb on the lid as well but it’d been too late to say anything. As her hands whirled through the air, the guard spoke, “Queen Myla says the box is beautiful. She loves the inscription as it rings true. Thank you kindly.”

“What’s the inscription?” Another guest asked. We’d all formally introduced ourselves earlier however, I hadn’t cared to pay attention. I was too busy admiring the castles interior. The queen had taste.

“Where there is love, there is hope.” The guard answered. I could hear venom in his voice. He was not pleased.

“Queen Myla,” I smiled, “Open the box, please?”

She nodded and opened it. Her gasp was barely audible as she gently lifted the flower out of the box. My heart gunned, hoping she was happy.

The yellow flower was just beginning to bloom. “I hope you like it. Happy birthday.” I beamed. Why was I happy over this. It was a simple flower as a gift. Well, a flower and a box.

She carefully set the flower down, and signed to a young servant. The servant nodded and left. Then she began signing to me which the guard translated, the venom dripping from his voice, “Queen Myla adores the gift. Flowers have always been among her favorite things.”

“I bet the royal garden is huge then, and lovely?”

Laughter poured from his throat, “No, we don’t have a royal garden.”

“Why not?” I tilted my head to the left.

“Queen Myla simply does not wish to have one. Her taxes are low so she doesn’t take from her people. She bought all the materials from the people of Atarius to give back to them. She believes having a garden strictly for herself would be a waste. However, the entire kingdom has a community garden. Everyone is allowed to eat the food grown and use the herbs. Farmers help tend to it.”

The next few days, we toured Atarius. The kingdom was beautiful. Most kingdoms have run down homes towards the boarders but not Atarius. Even the poorest had decent homes. I learned Queen Myla hated the idea of anyone living in poverty and did her best to ensure no one did. In return, her people were loyal. Many brought her gifts that varied from flowers to fresh baked pastries to jewelry.

She held nightly parties in which the entire kingdom attended or sent their blessings. The parties weren’t grand like others I’d attended. There was no fancy band playing music. No one to cater to you at the snap of a finger. There was a buffet of food prepared by the citizens. Even the queen had pitched in to help prepare the food.

Still, her voice was never heard. She hadn’t even slipped up and said anything. It seemed the entire kingdom knew her hand language. I suppose her voice wasn’t necessary if her people knew her language. I decided to learn her language in order to communicate with her.

On the fourth night of my stay, I asked her for a dance which she graciously accepted. As we danced, I spoke. I knew she wouldn’t respond vocally which was a bit disappointing. “I admire the way you run your kingdom. You run it well if you’re loved so much by your people. You said you were told your voice would make it harder to run a country. I don’t believe that. Your people love you dearly, I believe you’d still be respected.”

I tried to see through the veil that covered her face but even still, as close as I was I could not. “Do you think, while I am here, you could teach me your hand language?”

She nearly headbutt me when she nodded. Her eagerness was endearing. I wanted to know who silenced her and make them pay for their crime. She was nothing but admirable, how could someone be so cruel?

The days bled on and I spent every spare moment focusing on learning the hand language. I learned to say “thank you”, “please” , “hello”, and other simple phrases first. After a day of learning, I’d learned a bit. It was quite simple, though she had to slow her movements for me so I could keep up. By the end of the week, I could translate small sentences.

One day, as we were walking through the town, she and her guard were teaching me. He grew impatient and snapped at me. That’s when she slipped, “Warin! Patience!”

Two words. She silenced and excused herself. I watched as she left. Why had she snapped.

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: The Cow-Pie Kid and Saved by the Spell

Welcome back Loudiacs.. I .. don’t know what the fandom calls themselves. And given I dont’ know anyone personally in the fandom and the going into the tag is like living in a living nightmare.. it’s easier to keep workshopping a name till either someone tells me or I find one that sounds right. Loudites.. there we go that didn’t take long. Point is we’re back in The Loud House, In The Loud House for the first regular coverage, i.e. when I cover a show as It comes out of the season. And I was lucky enough to actually see the episode same day this time and with a promo that at least gives me images to work with, so yeah, i’m pretty pumped. And not just because I can cross this one off because SOMEBODY has a birthday tommorow.. no not me, that was last month. 

There ya go. But yeah the show’s back. I’m excited, your excited, i’m scared because nick dosen’t give a clear schedule out ahead of time so i’m left wondering when one’s going to pop up and when to get it on my schedule now I have one... it’s a good time. Seriously though Nick needs to get their scheduling in order. So i’m happy to be back, your happy to have me here, but probably not happy to have spoilers so let’s take this under the cut and we can talk about cow pies, magic, and ... how this block is weirdly almost all lincoln episodes. 

The Cow-Pie Kid:  Yeah.. this was the only bit from cow pie kid I could find. Tons of stuff to mine from for saved by the spell. Nothing for that one. Weird.  Anyways our story opens with Lynn’s baseball team, who we’ve met before.. and include friends who have played other sports with her and that guy she had a crush on for all of five minutes because the writers kinda forgot L is for Love happened for anyone but Luna and Luann. 

Okay look MOST of the love intrests introduced there were not great and while Lincoln needs one NOW, at the time he really did not as the Ronnie Anne thing had not, and still has not, been properly resolved. Still vastly prefer him with Stella and her with Sid, i’m just saying closure would be nice.  Look i’m getting off topic point is one besides Sam, who was great out of the gate and not just for being gay.. though that was a lot of it, and Benny, whose objectively a really sweet kid and damn likeable. Luaggie shippers feel free to boo me, I understand.. dosen’t change my mind or the fact Poly exists to fix that. I mean why not both I ask you.  Besides them, we had Chazz, a loveable chubby guy who Leni was into and worked at clothing store and knew his fashion stuff. and was charmed by her romantic gesture. He just seemd sweet and it was implied via background stuff they were still dating.. but he hasnt’ shown up since despite her working AT the mall and that being her main arc for the last two seasons. 

Just why? What’s wrong with the chubby fashion boy? Why? Did they decide they had too many romance arcs.. at exactly two? I get focusing on sam, because duh, and because that was awesome.. but you’ve had 2 full seasons since then and again Leni and him now work in the same location if not the same store, which in itself is a plot. I don’t ask much from you show.. well okay I do but let me clarify I don’t ask much from you that you could actually do: I know i’m never getting my a diffrent world style spinoff with lori and bobby. I know Zach is going nowhere and i’m just going to have to get over it, I will not, but I DO know you could include chaz and just won’t. So do that at least. I will put up with several more seasons of Zach if it means this adorable love story continues. It’s even easy enough to pick up this late: they are both stupid. Work with that. Gah... coach if you’d please. 

Thanks coach. Okay so one tangent later we’re back to the episode. Point is her team is loosing even though Lynn’s the captain now, and while she’s perfectly encouraging it’s not winning games. Lynn is understandably dejected in the car not helped by the sports commentor guys from the game... commenting about it on the radio...

I mean.. I get sports can have dry spots and all that but who covers a middle school basketball team on the radio that isn’t the middle school radio station. I mean I genuinely can’t decide which is more sad... a radio personality doing a children’s baseball game on his own show, or having so much trouble getting one that he’s apperaing on the middle school radio show. And I COULD say it’s just a guest spot but he’s talking like he knows what’s going on intmatiley> Did his daughter ask him to? I mean I know radio’s fallen pretty far but I dind’t think it was that much in the basement. Do a podcast at least man. 

Okay before I go on another Tangent point is Lynn feels it’s her fault as Captain.. which granted whoever the coach is should be .. but it genuinely looks like they don’t HAVE a coach. Maybe they had to sack him to pay for the newly refrubished av department? I dunno. Point is she feels bad and Lynn Sr vows to cheer her up.. before stopping for farm fresh eggs. Which.. yeah can’t blame him. He’s a cook, and Liam’s family likely has good prices. He can buy for both home and restraunt at once. I mean he has a van and only one occupant at the moment. Don’t judge him.  But this little detour DOES help Lynn’s mood. Her problem is the team lacks a decent pitcher, since Lynn herself was banned for throwing one at a heckling goat. The Lawsuit is ongoing and that made me laugh a lot. But Lynn finds Happy Gilmore style that Liam.. has a really great arm. Granted instead of actuall balls it’s with cowpies because this series really loves a shit joke, hence the title and the new nickname for liam, the cow pie kid.. but compared to some of the series toilet humor it’s a lot less in your face. But with Liam being so good Lynn can’t help but sign him to the team and Liam being a sweetie pie is happy to agree.  I have.. not hid even for a second how much I liked Liam or wanted him, and Stella, to show up outside of Lincoln episodes more often, or even get his own again. That day.. has come. Not only does LIam now have a roll entirely outside his friend group, but this episode’s about him and Lynn together.. not in that way.. yet. Someday.. Point is my boy is in the spotlight and I could not be happier.   And thankfully.. Lynn’s at her best. What I feared would be an episode about her overtraining him and making him not enjoy the game, htat old chesnut instead.. she just genuinely helps mentor him. She’s tough but fair as she helps him get his aim right as he’s used to firing Cow Pie’s, so the weight distrbution is off. So she helps train him and .. it’s really cute honestly, with her genuinely helping him and showing a softer side and later realizing she had him thinking about it too hard and just having him not think.. and going by instinct naturally works for a carefree and easygoing guy like liam. Wouldn’t be suprised if he went ultra instinct eventually.. but that’s for another episode. They also have a pig pile together.. which sounds bad but is just pigs piling on liam and lynn gladly gets on top of the pigs and god that sounds worse. next scnee. 

So Liam gets ahead and becomes the star pitcher for the zanarkand abes.. I mean the Royal Woods Kangaroos, and they just keep wining and wining and wining. Their like glomgold: all they do is win... but probably with less attempted corpse dancing. Problem is as we see during the montage Liam’s arm is slowly but surley getting cramped and while he wins hte next game.. his arm gives out from noodle arm. The good news is with rest, he can fix it, as her injury prone friend Paula, whose somehow allowed to play with crutches despite ALL the legal and moral issues that raises explains. but they don’t have days to rest it. So insane plans it is!  So Lynn goes to her sisters for herlp..specifically lisa int he hopes her mad science can either fix his pain or turn him into the hulk. Neither happens.. yet. I mean LIam is so sweet if he IS a hulk, we won’t know yet. But the green door will.. it always knows. IT ALWAYS KNOWS.  Lynn bemonas her luck.. before Lucy appears!

I JUST said last month when reviewing 11 louds a leapin that I missed the duo of her and lynn and lo and behold here we are. While we dno’t get much of the two fo them, it is still nice to see Lynn suprised by her scares and Lucy trying to use the dark arts to heal his pain.. which actually works. Lucy’s upgraded from wants to be a witch to full witch. 

So yeah her dark magic works and now Liam is fine just fine as the championship game approaches. Until naturally it isn’t. While Lucy STOPPED the pain, she didn’t make anything better, just numbed it so Liam’s arm’s pretty bad and Lisa suggests there’s a 70 perfecnt chance he’ll wreck it if he does so.. and while Lynn is naturlaly, given one of her main traits is asshole, ready to risk that.. she realizes she can’t. Rusty is on her team following her orders.. and no matter how good a W feels.. she can’t trade in someone’s health for one. Honestly bettter than most sports managers ngl. So Paula subs in and misses, loosing them the game.. but Lynn. takes it in stride, having realized she can win next year and having finally realized what being the leader REALLY means. She can work on paula’s curve, give Liam a break, and win next time... which she’ll have because time dosen’t work normally in this show’s dimension and a solid timeline is just a pipedream, so she probably has another year of being 14 to redo this and has become aware of it. I’m scared and excited for what that means.  Liam celebrates with a pig pile of two and we get a REALLY fucking cute shot of the two being happy and what not before a pig jumps on them still though.. yeah I ship it now. Liam taps into the space where I thought a black void of misery and douchebaggery was but ti turns out is in fact a heart, something few can do with Lynn and Lynn can protect him form bullies and is perfectly suited for his rough hewn farmboy styles. Point is their cut.e And so was this episode. IT was a really nice return to the series and it was again REALLY fucking great to see one of Lincoln’s firend,s and one of the GOOD ones at that, get a starring roll without him. HOpefully this keeps up and hopefully we see more of these two. 

Saved by the Spell:

RUSTY SPOKES IS TRASH (Ring) I don’t have a saved by the spell font that’ll have to do. Point is he is but before we get to Rusty being Rusty, Lincoln is doing magic tricks at the table. 

Point is he’s excited to do it at the talent show. The next day his friends discuss doing something to make them look cool to everyone. WHich.. kids. i’ll level with you. You. are. NERDS. As a massive one in both size and nerdiness myself, there’s nothing wrong with that. 2/3 of you are lovely people. You’ll be fine. But you are geeks, and should be proud of that.. not so proud you evolve into an incel or it’s adjacent form of assholes mind you, but still proud of who you are. You are never going to be that cool by trying to appeal to everyone. Just be yourslef and the cool comes naturaly. Like kool aid, which is naturally made by milking the Kool Aid man. Be you. 

But instead they decide to do a dance routine which..  let’s face it.. is probably just this spread across 6 people...

Point is maybe don’t do that. Also when Clyde does a dorky but endearing dance and says their going to shake their groove things, Rusty pipes in with “But cool”... and while sadly not as glorious as EVERYONE looking enitrely done with him like last time we saw this tool, Clyde clearly still does while the rest of hte Lincrew have no idea what the hell he’s on. I think their just.. numb to his stupidity and ego at this point.  But when Lincoln shows off his magic they all hide him, fearing that magic.. is well for younger kids and this won’t play so well. Which isn’t an invalid fear: this is middle school and from personal experince, middle school can be hell.. and also one of hte best years of my life which shows the vast gulf between the two schools I was in but was also not the point. the point is kids can be cruel and maybe don’t do this. But lincoln gonna do it anyway because he has confidence.. and frankly given there was an ENTIRE episode about being yourself instead of putting on an asshole suit of armor to avoid being hurt, which Lynn finally took off again last episode, he’s right.. but the rest of them all feel THEIR ALL GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU. and since they don’t know if he has latent psychic powers or not can’t risk him getting pigs blood dumped on him so they plan to find some way to trick him out of it.. Clyde of course gets his stomach in nots because he’s not good with schemes or lying ot his best friend, both of which this is and requires. 

Also Stella’s in the lead, as she should be. And she helps as her positive attudie makes what their doing come off as it should: KINDA douchey, but not intentionally so, they just worry about hteir freind getting pummled.. possibly by his own sister but now sh’es possibly with Liam that’s probably not as much of a worry. Or Chandler but frankly he’s going to do that no matter what.. and is probably getting his ass kicked himself by older kids who won’t toldeate his bs, so your clear. But their fears while a bit unfounded are understandable and well inteitoned if misguided, as we don’t know LIncoln’s act at this point or how well it’d go over with a mostly tweenager crowd, who can be the best as we’ve seen in recent tv.. or aboslutel monsters.. same deal. You either get Luz or you get BOscha, the inbetween is rare. 

So cue our usual setup of a bunch of attempts to do something in a row, but like I said while i’m not a fan of reptition if it’s done well enough it works and with it’s rather sizeable supporting cast , LIncoln and Friends episodes usdually do make it work. In this case it does as each of the sensational 6, lincoln and clyde asid,e try their hand at it. Liam, being the golden child, just has the most direct and obvious route: swipe his magic stuff.. and runs off without letting them talk it out but unlike Rusty in the next attempt, his plan was actually viable.. he just gets tangled up in the scarves and taps out.  Rusty is next ....and his idea is to.. show lincoln his killer dance moves to convince him normally. 

Yup pretty much that. And somehow out of the four plans, RUSTY’S is the only one that dosen’t bring up any serious moral quandries. I know i’m shocked too. He just thinks his moves will do it when no they won’t, please stop it hurts to watch and I can’t turn the fuck away. This is my job you redheaded kanker sore! Gah it thankfully ends and is unsurisingly unsuccesful. 

Also unsuprisingly, i’ve been waiting since i got that image to use it on Rusty. And as a third dollop of unsuprise I did not have to force it in any way shape or form. Point is it’s Zach’s turn as during the last two he’s been pushing really hard to use some form of brainwashing on his friend.. yes .. really. 

Thought Rusty would be the first loud house character to get that one but hey if the shoe fits. Seriously I thought rusty was the creep among them but at least you know.. altering someone’s throughts to suit your own isn’t his go to move. Being excetsivly cocky and coming on too strong is but still better to take THAT out of the Zach Morris playbook than “brainwash people into dooing whatever you say because tha’ts not creeptagious.” And unsurpsingly it does not work.. on Lincoln it woroks on Meyrl for some reason. Thankfully it dosen’t though just.. Zach needs no power epsiecally over the mind. 

So UNSUPRSINGLY, Stella has the working plnan.. and also unsuprisingly the last three just did theres by running off, running off and shouting the loudest. Again somehow Rusty is NO LONGER the most obnoxious one of the group. Zach won that title this episode. He’s still the most pathetic.. but i’m the most done with Zach who adds nothing to the dynamic or the planet or anything and I wish would just go away. Your home planet needs you. 

But yeah Stella has the winning idea: pretending to be “Yodel Boy”, a student who was humilated at a talent show last year, proving sh’es not only a decent actress (I mean it’s obvious i’ts stella in a wig, padding and lederhosen, but points for the accent being okay and hey she’s in middle school), but also the smartest of them. Only one of those is a suprise. It works and Lincoln agrees. 

So the night of the talent show they’ve caught him up to speed and prepare to celebrate, only for clyd eto open the wrong locker and reveal the yodel boy suit. WHy it was in there instead of at Stella’s house where this wouldn’t happen?

But yeah the cat’s out of the bag and lincoln leaves, depressed his friends think that little of him and lied to him. Which.. yeah completely fair. They tried talking to him, it did not work.. they shoudl’ve just left it at that. It would’ve SUCKED if he got bullied true, but it was his choice to go out there and take a risk and do what he loves. As someone whose constnatly self concious and had to fight to start writing like i’m doing now, I envy that kind of youthful confidence and thus wholly support him. 

And finally.. so do his friends. Realizing they’ve been kinda crappy, they introduce lincoln instead and work as his assitants.. and.. it works. Stella gets sawn in half, Zach gets astounded by a card trick, and Liam wears a bunny outfit which is just.. precious. Good boy. Best boy. It’s a huge hit.. and we also get to seesome of the new background kids including one with pink hair who looks kinda nb. I’m just saying one of you should take a crack at them, they seem nice. But for now our heroes are haield as heroes, and the other 5 apologize to lincon and they do their now cemented and fucking adorable group hug. Happy ending to a pretty great episode, with decent gags, a good relatable plot, and Rusty being just the right amoutn of obnoxious. Good stuff.  So that does it for this week. If you liked this review like or reblog it, check out my other work and come back later today for some duck content. and every week once the show returns. Until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 

[hobierps]

The Lone Paradise Ranch Long have the residents of Arkney County known of the good times to be had at the Lone Paradise Ranch, where the liquor never stops flowing, nor does the parade of beautiful women. Founded nearly 20 years ago by Rafael Soler as a way to fatten his checkbook after seeing an opportunity to add a source of entertainment to the county, the Lone Paradise Ranch quickly built a name for itself among the who’s who of Arkney County and beyond, thanks in no small part to the annual Arkney Derby, an event that rivals the Kentucky Derby in scale.

While the Lone Paradise is largely known as a place to gamble away your fortune on the horse races, inside is where the real horseplay transpires. Managed by those who have fallen into Soler’s grasp, a prostitution ring is run out of the ranch—one driven by sweet words promising opportunity and the fear of what happens if you dare not believe them. Though all who fall into the spider’s web have their own cause for being there, whether it be drugs, loans with unscrupulous interest rates, or the chance at a better future, the more they struggle, the more tangled they become. Leaving seems the most obvious answer, but doing so is a nigh unattainable feat, as the Lone Paradise demands a hefty price for freedom.

The Lone Paradise promises to make your most intimate dreams come true, but who dares pay the price?

This ad is for some of the members of the local prostitution ring. The faces and some of the ages are flexible. This ad is open to original characters as well! (For all levels.)

Feel free to hit one of us up on discord at either contramundum#7735 hobie#4947 or mady#5462 if you have any questions! Full descriptions of the members of the Lone Paradise Ranch after the break~

Owner & Operator — Rafael ‘Raf’ Soler (53) FC: Benicio Del Toro || Played by Mira Owner and operator of the Lone Paradise Ranch, Rafael Soler has been at the center of Arkney County’s entertainment for nearly twenty-five years. By day, the ranch boasts family-friendly activities, but the real fun happens after the sun has fallen. The adult entertainment offered by the ranch has skyrocketed its appeal and made the Lone Paradise Ranch a name whispered among both the elite and those with more illicit cravings. He’s shown himself as an adept businessman who’s not afraid to sink to the level of his clientele, and recent years have found him more depraved than ever. In a long term business/personal relationship with Entertainment Manager, but Annie March has recently caught his eye.

Personal Assistant — Logan ‘Vick’ Vickers (34) FC: Scott Eastwood || Played by Hobie Rafael Soler’s second-in-command, Logan Vickers serves as an extension of the man’s will. He began working for the ranch after graduating high school when Raf used his wealth to protect Vick’s family’s cattle ranch from foreclosure. He is reckless and wild, a hot-headed cowboy who flies by the seat of his pants. Despite his rowdy streak, Vick oozes southern charm and rarely does he ruffle feathers without meaning to. In his youth, he was a local rodeo star, roping calves and clinging to the backs of bucking broncos. Today, he undertakes the more vicious duties for Raf, more often than not walking away with blood on his hands. He has seen the measure of Raf’s wickedness and embraced it, choosing to walk with the devil, rather than meet his wrath. Despite knowing the depths of Raf’s depravity, he has roped in his two longtime friends, the Horse Handler and the Head of Security, into his disturbing games.

Head of Security (mid 30s) — Reserved for Levi Suggested FC: Russell Tovey, Jai Courtney, Jon Kortajarena A transplant from the west coast, the Head of Security came to Arney County after his wealthy father decided to give up the good life in favor of getting back to his roots. A teenager when he arrived in Kansas, the Head of Security quickly fell in with Logan Vickers’ gang of hoodlums. Like the Horse Handler, the Head of Security was brought into Rafael Soler’s circle by Vick, yet unlike the Horse Handler, the Head of Security has no qualms about the unsavory things that go down at the ranch. Though, perhaps this is why the more abhorrent tasks are left to Vick. Instead, the Head of Security is charged with protecting the girls from overzealous patrons and the occasional disgruntled boyfriend. He and Vick are in an erratic off-the-books affair that neither man acknowledges.

Horse Handler (mid 30s) — Open Suggested FC: John Boyega, Michael B. Jordan, Dudley O'Shaughnessy Kansas born and bred, Lone Paradise’s resident Horse Handler has spent his lifetime in the flat grasslands of the Midwest. The son of a pair of horse breeders, the Horse Handler knows his way around those beautiful creatures. Like Logan Vickers, he participated in the local rodeos in his youth, solidifying their friendship—one that has lasted to this day, despite Vick’s unconscious attempts to derail it. An old soul with a bleeding heart, the Horse Handler is a misfit among the Paradise Ranch staff. He stands against everything that Rafael Soler believes, but found himself roped into the madness by Vick nearly a decade ago. Now he cares for the horses that the ranch keeps for races and fixes the odds in the house’s favor when Raf deems it necessary. A bit of a white knight, he’s been known to engage in relationships with the entertainment, believing he can save them from a life of servitude.

Legal Advisor (33-36) — Open Suggested FC: David Castañeda The legal advisor is Raf’s son, returning from a lackluster stint on the East Coast, but also the most presentable face of the operation, there in places where his father, Rafael Soler’s accent or aggressive bearing might be less welcome. Whether in dealings with local police, lawsuits, or other official functions, the legal advisor knows where all the bodies — perhaps literally — are buried, and is more than happy to grace the situation with a placid all-American smile. His exact feelings toward the ranch and/or his father are murky at best, and buried under carefully considered words; however, his eye has really been drawn to his father’s latest favorite, Annie March, much to his dismay.

Entertainment Manager (40s) — Open Suggested FC: Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, Thandie Newton One of Raf’s long time favorite performers, the Entertainment Manager has done her fair share of favors to get to where she is today. Beginning as just one of the girls, the Entertainment Manager exercised her feminine wiles to charm Raf and win his favor. At one time, she might have thought he’d marry her, but she’s long since learned of her disillusion. A few years ago, Raf retired her from the floor and now she manages the talent with a firm, but fair, hand, taking it upon herself to protect the ones who do good work. She spits fire and fights for what she wants, but she knows to bite her tongue when it comes to Raf. Vick, however, is a different story. She knows they stand on equal footing and is more than willing to throw her weight around when necessary. She has been involved in a long term relationship with Rafael Soler that spans both the personal and professional, though his attention towards her has waned since Annie March caught his lustful gaze.

Escort One — Annie March (24) FC: Josephin Skriver || played by Mady/ She’ll convince anyone who asks that she’s doing just fine, but Annie is always a step away from disaster. After attempting to steal cash and a car from Raf, Annie has been working for him to pay off the debt. But that hasn’t stopped her from borrowing more and more money from him to fund her drug habit. Annie has her share of secrets, including that she’s trying to get a little freedom after being under Morphos’ watch for most of her childhood and can make people do just about whatever she wants them to. At the end of the day, Annie is a survivor and she’ll play whatever game she needs to in order to get by.

Escort Two (20s) — Open Suggested FC: Zendaya Too smart for her own good, Escort has her own operations going on behind Raf’s back. She has private clients she sees on the side and is carefully stealing from Raf in order to fund her escape from the ranch and Arkney. She might come off as the cold type but she has a soft spot for Jockey, even though she knows this is the last place to start caring about people. Particularly close to the Entertainment Manager and almost feels bad for lying to her face but doesn’t fully trust anyone here. Doesn’t realize how dangerous her moves are getting and that the Legal Advisor is starting to catch on.

Escort Three (early 20s) — Reserved for Sam Suggested FC: Karmay Ngai A girl from a nearby town nobody bothers to remember, she is the youngest and newest addition to Raf’s coterie. Seeing the success of former girls like the Entertainment Manager, she has an idea that the ranch is her way out. It should go without saying that not all is as it seems. From the icy indifference of the Entertainment Manager to the questionable warnings and/or advances from the Horse Handler, nothing is given and she learns she must find her footing within the complex politics of the ranch. But how long will it take for the glamor of the ranch and its clientele to wear off? Only time will tell.

Jockey (20s) — Open Suggested FC: Regé-Jean Page, Reece King, Avan Jogia First spotted by Raf at the derby, something about his headstrong, self-assured nature found him in the man’s good graces. One of the fastest racers, Raf soon after offered him a resident position at the ranch with an income that put a jockey’s to shame. Aside from serving as a conversation piece at the ranch for the guests (he’s a skilled storyteller to boot) and eyeing Escort 3, he also has been unwittingly drawn into some of the ranch’s shadier dealings by Vick and the Horse Handler. He’s beginning to realize that he can’t see the bottom of the pool he’s entered.

[wordsmith-in-purple]

Sorting Hat - Odd Squad (Season 1)

Oprah - Gryffindor. Ms. O, as she's known for most of the series, is a bona fide Gryffindor. She takes absolutely no guff from anyone, especially her subordinates. If you disappoint her, she will let you know. She genuinely cares about her agents, but doesn't often show that side of herself. She'll usually end up doing what's right for the sake of something outside of herself. And, most tellingly of all, she is a certified badass who will fight any creature you throw at her and will win.

Olive - Gryffindor. Olive's got the drive, courage, and sense of honor of a Gryffindor, and her interest in athletics also nudges her toward the house of the lion. She clearly exhibits a Ravenclaw's intelligence and perfectionism, but it's pretty clear she values acting right over being right, a very Gryffindor sentiment. Her stated dream of becoming a Ms. O could be interpreted as Slytherin ambition, but I see it as part of a Gryffindor sense of duty to her Squad. She's also not afraid to put herself in the direct line of fire, even when it means she falls victim to a villain's power. As for chivalry, she is incredibly respectful to everyone she meets, but also takes absolutely no BS from anyone.

Otto - Gryffindor. This was a no-brainer. Otto isn't afraid to jump into action, especially where his passions are concerned. Sometimes he's a little headstrong, but he knows when to defer to Olive. He's always out to serve his fellow agents by bringing smiles to their faces, and he loves interacting with the general public. He jumps at the opportunity to try new things, more out of Gryffindor eagerness than Ravenclaw curiosity. Plus, he's the one who always sticks up for Olive, even when she feels the rest of the Squad has abandoned her. 

Oscar - Ravenclaw. Kind of the obvious pick, but it works. Oscar is, without a doubt, a genius, but he's an eccentric genius. He throws himself into his chosen field with a passion unequaled, and he's always ready to learn a little more about odd science. He's often the one to pose unconventional solutions to odd problems, and as stated in "The Potato Ultimato", he does not do things halfway. He marches to the beat of his own drum, but still uses his talent to help out the squad.

Oren - Slytherin. From what we see of Oren, he's very much the Draco to Olive and Otto's Harry. Snide, conniving, a bit of a liar, a little entitled, gets grumpy when things don't go his way, will throw people under the bus but also incredibly protective of those he's close to. And his stated dream is to become a Director, so ambition is definitely a prominent trait.

Olaf - Hufflepuff. This was more of a he-fits-nowhere-else pick. Olaf does demonstrate loyalty to his partner and his boss, and also seems to genuinely like people, but he's still a bit of an outlier.

Orchid - Slytherin. Orchid is, above all else, an individual. She doesn't seem to work well with partners - or people in general, for that matter. The only person she respects is herself. Even her friendships have twinges of antagonism about them. She's incredibly clever about getting what she wants. She's also highly ambitious, if "Hands On the Desk Chair" is any indication.

Octavia - Hufflepuff. Octavia is a textbook Hufflepuff. She's a genuinely sweet person, always puts others before herself, never gives up on tough cases, and always does her work with a smile. Sure, she can be a little silly at times, but doesn't every agent have their moments?

Obfusco - Ravenclaw. Obfusco seems to be more of a Luna Lovegood-style Ravenclaw, in that he's incredibly eccentric and lives in his own little world. However, he is shown to be incredibly intelligent in his own right, as he is the one who conducts testing sessions and writes a few manuals. He's also surprisingly creative regarding his verbal mannerisms.

Dr. O - Ravenclaw. Was there ever any doubt? Dr. O is probably one of the smartest people on the show, and that's saying something. She heads her department with grace and dignity, never missing a beat, treating a patient and moving on to the next with no sentiment, only a "WHAT'S NEXT?!". She can be a little out there at times, but it's always for the sake of her patients or her job in general.

Oksana - Hufflepuff. Oksana is, if nothing else, an incredibly hard worker. She will get the precinct fed, and she will do it to the best of her ability. Her position in foodservice betrays a slight tendency towards caring for others, even if she won't admit it, and she holds everyone to high standards regarding her rules.

Owen - Slytherin. I almost put him into Ravenclaw, but Slytherin seems like a better fit. He'll do anything to get ahead. He's a little pushy, often directly hinders problem-solving efforts, and just does his own thing instead of his job half the time.

Todd - Ravenclaw. Todd is a Ravenclaw gone wrong. He takes the individual aspect a little too seriously. Yes, he's intelligent and creative, but he's also completely self-serving. Everything he does, he does because he wants it to happen. He's also incredibly conceited, thinking he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. He's only brought down because he prioritizes himself over his cause. As a reformed villain, he remains equally committed to his passion, in the form of his garden, and utilizes his creative talents to help others move past their own villainy. Plus, he's a bit of a perfectionist about the garden.

[luimnigh]

Common Misconceptions In The RWBY Fandom

Because this kinda needs to be made. There’s a lot of lines in this show that have been interpreted in strange and weird ways that I feel we need to clear up the misconceptions about. So instead of scattering them through various meta-posts, let’s clear them all up at the same time. So, if you’re willing to come along, let’s begin:

“Bad Father Taiyang” Part 1: Yang raised Ruby

The Misconception:

Now, this is probably the top one I see around the place. And I’m not trying to take anything away from Yang here, she definitely took on a Mothering role in Ruby’s life, a lot of people take this to an extreme. I’ve seen people thinking that Yang would “obviously be good at cooking, having to cook for herself and Ruby” and various statements to that effect.

To put it simply, when Yang says that Taiyang “shut down” in Burning The Candle, they think it meant a full-on, Apathy-like cessation of willpower. That Yang had to take on primary caregiver role.

The Proof Against It:

But that’s disproven only a few lines later. When Yang left the house with Ruby to find her mother, she explicitly says that she “waited for Dad [Taiyang] to leave the house”. Taiyang was still clearly taking care of them, physically at very least.

And even beyond that, Yang and Ruby hold no ill-will against Taiyang. Their relationship is clearly a loving one, with Taiyang falling asleep at Ruby’s beside in Volume 3. And before anyone says that this is a Retcon, in the latter half of Volume 2, we’re shown this good relationship when the girls speak of him after he sends them Zwei in the mail. A package from him is considered something to “cheer her [Ruby] up”.

Do you really think they’d have such a relationship if he was emotionally or caregiving-ly absent? No, because that would be an abusive relationship, which is kind’ve RWBY’s speciality in recognizing.

Even on a meta-level, they cast Burnie Burns, a man who epitomizes a “good father” to the RT community and to the company itself as Taiyang. That doesn’t seem like the casting they’d do for a bad father.

What The Line Really Meant:

For a period of time, Taiyang shut down emotionally. He became depressed. While he cared for his children’s physical needs, he neglected their emotional needs. This is something that clearly has affected Yang, putting the burden of Ruby’s emotional needs on her (a burden she has still helped shoulder since then, though is clearly learning to let go of recently), but not really affected the two girls’ relationship with their father. Taiyang recovered from his depression, and has been an admirable father since then. Like every parent in RWBY, he’s a person, and he’s made mistakes in his parenting, but that doesn’t make him a bad parent.

Yang was Retconned!

The Misconception:

This, technically, can also fall under “Bad Father Taiyang”, but is usually mostly addressed at Miles and Kerry.

I’ve seen people saying that Yang’s fighting ability was retconned into “uses her semblance too much” and “dumb fighter who relies on her power”. People dissecting the pre-Volume 4 fight scenes for evidence of Yang being a smart fighter. Calling this a “retcon” (Retroactive Continuity: when a previous established fact is altered by the writer later in the story).

This all stems from a conversation Yang had with Taiyang, in which he says “Do you realize that you used your semblance to win every fight after the qualifiers?”

The Proof Against It:

Holy crap is this taking Taiyang out context.

Straight up, the lines directly before this were:

Yang: “Let me guess: ‘I was sloppy.’”

Taiyang: “-laughs- No. You were predictable. And stubborn. And maybe a little boneheaded.”

It’s pretty clear from the preceding lines that Taiyang isn’t talking about her fighting style. After some talk about her semblance, and how it won’t always save her, the conversation shifts into one about Raven, her stubbornness, and her similarities with Yang.

During which, Taiyang says that “You both act like the easiest way to tackle an obstacle is through it. That strength is all that matters in a fight.”

Which leads us to:

What The Line Really Meant:

I plan on making a post about this, but Strength is at the core of Yang’s character arc. Not just physical strength at that, but the word that  most people would use here is Power.

Yang is person who was born strong. Not just physically, even. Her core character trait, beyond anything else, is that Yang Xiao Long might get knocked down, but she’ll rise stronger than before. It’s her semblance; her connection to fire is evocative of phoenix motifs; hell the song “I Burn” calls her a Super Saiyan, who have “get stronger from being beaten down” as actual trait of their species.

But Strength, Power isn’t everything. We hear this in one of the first lines of the show, from Salem herself: There Will Be No Victory In Strength.

And that’s the point of the conversation with Taiyang. He explicitly compares her to Raven, who thinks Strength, not just physical and magical but also strength in skill and intelligence, is everything. And Yang has kinda been following that philosophy. She’s been using her strength to try and brute-force situations. We see this in the Yellow Trailer, as she grabs Junior by the balls in order to try extract information from him. We see this in the fight with Neo, when she switches up her fighting style multiple times, but can’t actually beat her. We see this in the fight with Mercury, where Cinder predicted she’d counter Mercury’s fake attack rather than dodge or block.

But this is where Taiyang hammers home the point that Yang’s strength isn’t everything. There are times to use strength, and times to find alternate solutions. And Yang has taken that to heart. The point of the Bandit fight is that while she predicts it, she doesn’t start it, giving her opponents the option to walk away. When Mercury grabs her arm, rather than attack him and get caught up fighting, she lets it go. When she arrives down in the Vauilt, she deconstructs Raven’s motivations so completely that by the time she shoulder-checks her mom on the way past, Raven’s already been defeated.

And when she goes up against Adam, someone who believes in strength just as much as Raven, she ultimately beats him by not using her strength until she’s taken away his.

“Bad Father Taiyang” Part 2: Moping

The Misconception:

Taiyang tells Yang to “stop moping”. This means he isn’t taking her PTSD seriously/he doesn’t understand her true problem/he’s a bad father/Miles and Kerry think PTSD is just moping.

The Proof Against It: See my first point on why Taiyang isn’t a bad father and why he wouldn’t be given such a harsh line unless there was some truth to it.

But on the Miles and Kerry interpretation, they have honestly been doing a fantastic job at portraying what PTSD is actually like. Some credit goes to Barbara as well, but PTSD in RWBY is portrayed as something you have to learn to live with, not overcome or “get better” from. Sure, you can mitigate it, but it’ll unfortunately always be with you.

Yang didn’t “get over” her PTSD by being told to stop moping. Because Taiyang was not referring to her PTSD.

What The Line Actually Meant:

Yang was moping.

See, Yang’s not just suffering from PTSD in Volume 4. She’s also suffering from heartbreak.

Her best friend, the person she was closest to outside of her family, the person she may even have realized that she was in love with, had just left her like Yang feared she would.

Like we’ve established, Yang is all about getting up when she gets knocked down. That’s at the core of her character. I honestly don’t think the missing arm and the PTSD would have kept her back home as long as it did on it’s own. Because we all know how a Xiao Long reacts to heartbreak (See: Taiyang “shutting down”).

But also because Adam straight-up told us that Blake leaving hurt more than losing an arm did.

What do I mean by that?

See, the whole point of the Adam fight is to explain to Blake what Yang wants to say but knows she can’t. The person Adam pretended to be is Yang, even if he doesn’t know it. Every line he says after he takes off the mask is something that actually applies to Yang’s feelings towards Blake.

“People hurt me long before we met” = Raven’s abandonment, Summer’s death

“But no-one hurt me quite like you. You didn’t leave scars, you just left me alone” = Blake left Yang after someone else had left her a scar (the arm)

“She made a promise to me once” = Literally paralleling the promises Blake has made to both people

Blake knows Yang and Pretend!Adam are alike. In semblance, in personality, it’s why she fears Yang going bad at the Vytal Tournament. And it’s why Adam saying that “no-one hurt me quite like you” triggers Blake’s realisation of why Yang doesn’t want Blake to protect her. Because it would leave her alone.

Yang can handle anything life throws at her besides Blake leaving. So when Yang was left moping after being left behind by the woman she loves, who better to point out she was moping than the person who’s been through the same thing twice?

The Birds

The Misconception:

And finally, the subject that began this rant of mine. The revelation to our heroes that Raven and Qrow can turn into birds.

People, quite confusing, take this to mean that our heroes are rendered suspicious of Ozpin because… he gave Qrow and Raven magical powers? They decry it as not really making sense, a false way to create tension between our heroes and Ozpin.

But maybe there’s a reason why it doesn’t make sense?

What The Line Really Meant:

Just look at the wording people. "What you did to Qrow and my mother", "What Oz did to my brother and me".

Raven implied that Ozpin gave them magic, placed this burden on them, without their consent. And Yang was rightfully pissed at the idea of such a thing. The rest of the group are taken aback at such an idea, because if it can happen to Ozpin’s previous generation of followers, it could happen to them.

You see Yang only reacts when Qrow firmly states that "We made a choice, we wanted this". It’s a look of shock. Raven lied to her.

And that’s why she tells Ozpin “No more lies, no more half-truths”. Raven has placed doubt in her mind, but both sides have lied to her at this stage. The only way to make sure she’s on the right side is if one of them isn’t lying to her, feeding her half-truths and lies of omission.

Which is why she takes it so hard when he omits the truth again. Down in the Vault, Yang made her choice. She chose Ozpin over her mother, permanently. There’s no going back from what Yang said to her. And then Ozpin omits the truth again, about the Relic, and this not only makes Yang question if she made the right choice, but reminds her that if she’s made the wrong one, she can’t go back on it. That’s she’s sacrificed any hope of a relationship with her mother for Ozpin, a man who can’t stop lying to her.

Conclusion:

I hope I’ve helped clear up some misconceptions for you guys, and made your RWBY-watching experience less confusing and misinformed. If you liked this, please reblog and share these corrections, so that the fandom no longer gets caught up on these moments.

These are just the misconceptions that I’ve been to dredge up from my memory on a Sunday night, so if I spot any more I’ll add them in later reblogs.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Αιώνια αγάπη(DT AU), pt. 6

06: In Art We Trust

Summary: After losing their house, the Kappa’s learn of bylaws the original Kappa’s refused to follow. Leading them into a new tomorrow, Y/N finds herself in over her head with two men who no longer hide their intentions from her.

Warnings: angst

Word count: ~ 3000

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Αιώνια αγάπη (DT Modern Greek god/frat! AU) MASTERLIST  

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Special thanks to @mutuallynotmutual for being in the story as Alyssa, @leonardo-da-vinsheep  as Perry and @daddygraysonsbitch as Sara, with special mentions of @godlydolans as Yashi.

Also a big thank you to @grungegrant for drawing Grayson as Apollo

Shocked, worried, a little lost. It’s barely enough to describe what Y/N felt once she grabbed what was left of her things and pulled it to the KDR porch. She watched the billowing smoke color the night sky in all shades of grey, the flames engulfing what she saw as home for the first time since her mother passed.

Her bottom lip quivered, the corners of her eyes wrinkling along with her forehead. She furrowed her eyebrows, sending herself into a state of numbness to survive the collapsing future her mother always nudged her toward. Her heartbreak could be heard from miles away if one would just stop and listen, yet she let not a single sob escape her.

“Oh my God, are you okay?!” Alyssa cupped Y/N’s face, following the tracks her tears made as they cleaned a path through smoke mattered cheeks.

“Yeah.” Y/N breaths out.

I’m not, she thinks.

“Grayson fucking Dolan kissed you.” Alyssa whisper shouts, giggling.

“I would be out of it too.” She winks, deciding to take the bad and push it down to let the good in and in Alyssa’s mind that kiss was a pot of gold.

It snapped Y/N back to reality, her eyes widening once she remembered Grayson, THE GRAYSON, followed her into the fire and helped her save her mother’s painting and much more. And yes, he kissed her. He kissed her and took the very breath from her lungs and she could barely form words to describe how heavenly his kiss felt, but she couldn’t afford to do that anyway. One whiff of what happened and Blair would have her out of the Kappas before she has a chance to utter an apology.

“I won’t tell. Promise.” Alyssa must have noticed her distress, immediately putting her fears to rest and giving a reason to love her more. It was so clear she was going to be someone Y/N keeps in her life for a lot longer than college lasts.

“Thank you.” Y/N smiled, leaning into Alyssa as they watched the firemen try and salvage what is left of their beloved sorority house.

“I’m still super jelly.” Alyssa whispers under her breath, making Y/N cackle and lightly slap her arm to stop.

Even when dawn came in to announce a new day, the smoke had painted the skies a dull mix of black and grey, the fire just dying out.

The girls stood outside, most in their skimpy party dresses, some still drunk or just sobering up.

They were all called back to the Dean’s office, fifteen of them needed inside.

“I’ll keep your stuff safe.” Grayson mouths, trying to be inconspicuous. He got a small smile for his effort, one he took as a win considering how angry she looked when their kiss broke.

Once the Dean called them in, all of them gathered, some crying for their things and others for food.

“There will be an investigation to determine the reason why this fire happened. I expect the fire marshal to have news for me this or tomorrow afternoon. I know you girls are scared, hungry, tired and homeless as of now. The bylaws are clear on how we proceed next. You’re moving into the fraternity next door as they are your brother fraternity and they are willing to help.” The Dean announced, looking at all the gobsmacked girls nearly faint with his decision.

“But we’re not allowed to mix with KDRs.” Sara chuckles, looking at Blair who resembles a drowned rat more than the supposedly fabulous leader she claimed to be. Y/N could tell Sara is purposely pushing Blair’s buttons, hoping she’ll explode. It’s obvious no one really likes the blonde tyrant.

“There must be a mistake.” Blair practically growls, making Y/N roll her eyes and step forward to the Dean’s desk. Graciously, she turns to her Kappa sisters.

“Kappa sisters. I may be a freshman and have no knowledge of what the KDRs are like, but I sure as hell know I don’t want to be homeless. I’m sure we can withstand a year with the guys while the Dean calls in the rich alumni for generous donations.” Y/N glances over her shoulder with a smirk, knowing she just made sure the Dean has to take on this project.

“Now, be a dignified Kappa sister and turn these lemons into lemonade.”

“Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.” Perry confirms, standing with Y/N on her statement before Blair has a chance to throw a tantrum that would lose the girls their home.

Standing ovation for a few words? Well, Y/N didn’t expect that either, but she didn’t shy away from it like she usually did. Instead, she courtesies with a smile, joining Alyssa, Sara and Perry in the middle of their group and leads the sisters out. Doing so, she missed the glare Blair sent her way, not knowing Blair had witnessed her indiscretion just as Alyssa did.

The girls gathered before the frat with a signed decree of sorts from the Dean, ordering the frats to make room for them.

To their surprise, the guys welcomed them with arms wide open and understanding smiles, letting them into their homes without any issues.

Grayson and Ethan practically materialized from thin air to welcome Y/N, wanting to make sure she’s alright but each with their own hidden agenda.

They started the fire.

That voice returned, scaring Y/N into a small jump, making her look around wildly.

I’m losing my mind, she thought with her heart still beating fast.

“You good?” Ethan asks, biting his lower lip lightly.

While he did start the fire, he never knew she’d be crazy enough to run into a burning building. It made his senses go into overdrive, slightly pushing him to guilt, mostly because he hated the frown upon her beautiful lips. The same lips his brother had kissed and he had yet to taste them.

In the few hours he had of Grayson pestering him for taking such a supposedly unnecessary risk, explaining she could have been killed almost stopped his heart altogether.

But she didn’t die and my plan is working, he tells himself.

“Fine.” She responds absentmindedly, her gaze wandering in an attempt to find the source of the voice in her head instead of constantly being scared she’s lost her senses.

“I, uh, took the liberty of putting an extra bed in my room for you if that’s not too awkward.” Grayson rubs the back of his neck nervously, watching her closely because she not only scared the shit out if him, but also nearly died for a few boxes and a painting. He didn’t understand the obsession mortals have about earthly things that belonged to those who were not in this world anymore, but he wanted to. He needed to.

“Our room, he means.” Ethan corrects his brother, reminding him he too is moving in because there is not a chance in hell he will let them share a bedroom. It would be a sure recipe for his defeat.

“We put three brothers in a single room to give every bed we could to the girls, but one still has to share a room with us and we thought it could be you.” Grayson explains, clearing his throat awkwardly as she stares up at him with her doe eyes through those thick, long eyelashes.

“Okay.” Y/N’s eyes flicker from one brother to the other suspiciously, thinking she’s definitely going to lose her mind now. Sharing a bedroom with twins who look like perfection? Easy, right?

Clapping his hands confidently, Grayson encases her right hand in his and pulls her inside.

The house itself is a lot neater than Y/N imagined a frat would be, the colors blending in different shades of white and green, KDR written in gold in the foyer.

Ethan takes her free hand, moving her along as well and although she should take control and retract her hands, she lets them lead her up the stairs.

One look around is enough for her to see all her sisters are being shown to their rooms by the guys, none of them fighting contact either.

Contact is comforting in this case, a necessary dash of heaven mixed with a lick of hell’s fire. One she would die to feel upon her skin all the time if that was an option.

Entering their shared bedroom, Y/N’s lips curl up, noticing it’s the same room she watched Grayson in from the other side of the window. There was a whole part she couldn’t see, the same one that now had two beds, several blank canvases and paint around, only one covered up from curious eyes.

Naturally, it sparked her interest.

“You, uh…paint?” Y/N took a few uncertain steps toward the covered painting, glancing at a sweaty Grayson who looked like he would rather swim with sharks than show her what’s under.

“I dabble.” He nods his head faintly, glancing at Ethan who pushed a few boxes to a bed he decided would be his.

“Can I see?” She quirked an eyebrow, watching Grayson turn into a nervous wreck.

“Ethan, help me out here?” She calls on the silent twin.

“Don’t be a lite bitch, Gray. Show her.” Ethan teased, joining in. He’ll take any chance to talk to her and he wasn’t about to miss this opportunity.

Without permission, Ethan unveiled the painting himself, turning with a grin toward her but instead of a smile he found Y/N to be pale and she stumbles, falling to her knees when Grayson jumps in to catch her. The thud is barely heard, significantly lessened by Grayson’s quick reaction.

“W-who is that?” Y/N muttered, her voice shaky and breaking. Ethan frowned, matching the confused look on Grayson’s face.

“How I envision Hecate.” Grayson answers, hearing Y/N gulp. It’s a half truth, one he can’t be honest about quite yet as that is not how he envisioned Hecate…because that is Hecate.

But to Y/N, that was the demon in her dreams and now reality. The one that haunts her, driving her to insanity.

“Our talk inspired me to paint her.” Grayson explains, gently lifting her off the ground and into his lap, his hand pushing her hair back from her face only to rest it on her left cheek.

Ethan nearly growled, the intimacy they show right before his eyes only awakening his demons. He was the one who found her, recognized her. He was the one who gave her space to be who she is while he crawls through her veins and to her heart in a slower pace because he cared enough not to overwhelm her. He was the one who saved her Kappa status while Apollo put it at risk by claiming her lips in front of everyone to see. And he was the one who committed a felony to get her under the same roof, hence giving them a chance to be closer than they’d ever get had he not done the hard thing. He always does the dirty work, but Apollo always reaps the rewards. How is that fair?

“Y/N.” Ethan bends down, putting all his weight on one knee, setting himself beside her.

“Why are you so scared?” His words are like water, encasing her with their calming, gentle touch which is absolutely anything but what she thought it would be. Ethan always seemed like a sea at storm, raging, ravishing in all he does. Passionate, ravaging, taking all until you’re sure you’ll be forever lost. She never saw him as the calm in her own storm, as the anchor he dropped with a few softly spoken words, but he took on the role so naturally she could only trust him and let the doubts go.

“I can’t explain it.” Her voice still shaky, her eyes darting from the painting to Ethan’s face like she wants to confide, but is terrified what they’ll think of her. But Ethan knew…he knew she must be as haunted as Yashi was with one significantly important difference; Yashi wasn’t scared of Athena. Then again Hecate wasn’t some wisdom filled goddess who sat in her temple and allowed supreme gods to rape her loyal worshipers only to have them turned to monsters like she did with Medusa. Hecate was darkness, the other side of the golden coin - the one no one messed with unless absolutely needed.

“Whatever you say right now won’t change the the fact I wholeheartedly care for you and want you to feel safe.” Ethan states without a batting an eye, honest to a fault and prepared to do anything for her.

“I will keep you safe.” Ethan adds for good measure, emphasizing the I so much so she blinked once, fast like she didn’t believe her ears.

How can she be so blind to my affections, Hermes wondered.

“I know.” Her lips curve into a small smile, one barely visible to those who don’t pay attention to every change in her attitude. He’d never miss it.

“I, uh. I dream of her. See her I think. That same exact woman from your painting.” She glances at Apollo at the last bit, biting on her lip before gnawing at the inside of her bottom one.

The words spread ice in their veins, both brothers frozen in their fear. It meant their chance at winning her over is dwindling to nothing if they don’t act fast, Apollo now grateful for Hermes’ extreme measures. If Hecate is already invading Y/N’s mind, it’s only a matter of time before she tells her the truth about them and that cannot happen. She needs to hear it from them. But she’s not ready yet, they both know that. She had yet to express any affection for them. That’s a must as they can use it to convince her to stay.

“That’s very unusual, but maybe you saw it before? You room has a great view of mine.” Grayson tries, seeing the disappointment and doubt in her eyes; disappointment about his disbelief and although she can’t hold it against him because it’s a probable alternative, but the fact he found an alternative instead of just believing her is unpleasant feeling on it’s own.

“I’m sure she’d know if she had seen it before.” Ethan snaps, voice dripping with sarcasm and annoyance, giving Y/N cause to smile, again with the smallest of smiles, almost minuscule but present nonetheless. He took it as a win anyway, happy to have something because so far he got nothing.

“We’ll figure it out. But you should take a shower and sleep a little, we’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll be in the bed right next to yours.” Ethan takes her hand, clasping it in his in order to help her up and away from his brother’s lap because he never, not even for a second forgot she was situated next to Apollo’s junk.

Grateful, she nods and takes his hand and the offer to help.

While the water ran, drowning out the world around her, the twins stood in their room with faces red and eyes dark.

“Hecate is going to influence her and if we don’t step up our game, she’s lost to us.” Hermes states, his hands steady on his hips, his shoulders slacking as is his back.

“Well, thanks to you, we have her with us for now. We can use that to our advantage.” Apollo runs his chin and the slight stubble growing with his impatience. He couldn’t handle this not working out. And yes, he started to care for the human, unexpectedly so, but his wish to go home fueled him to deceive her further and if that ended up with him kissing her again…who was he to fight such small pleasures?

“Is that an apology I smell, brother?” Hermes smirks, poking Apollo’s bicep.

Apollo groans, running a hand over his face, nodding.

“You did good.” Apollo mutters, hating himself for commending such behavior but as it turns out, the risk really was necessary. He couldn’t lie.

“Awee. Finally!” Hermes raises both his arms in the air, genuinely enjoying Apollo’s recognition and enlightenment.

“Also, I’m taking her on a date tomorrow.” Hermes tosses that one in, making Apollo’s eyes widen. His heart jumped and the cage around it grew smaller until it crushed the soft tissue. Apollo felt his skin growing warmer, his fists tighter and his want to punch his brother confused him. He had never felt like that before.

“When did you ask?” Apollo questions, his jaw clenched.

“Now.” Hermes smirks turning on his heel once the bathroom door opens and a dressed, fresh Y/N appears on the doorstep.

“Wanna go out for an adventure with me?” Hermes raises his brow, noticing Y/N freeze, tensing up but also relaxing moments after. She looks to Apollo, noticing him turning redder, but he didn’t object so why would she?

“Yes.”

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Tags: @mutuallynotmutual @lanadeldolans @xalayx @accalialionheart @gia-kerks @historyheart  @heeydolan @heyits-claire @daddygraysonsbitch   @fallinginlove-16  @lanadeldolans @beautifulfound @thearachna-kid  @dinnerwiththedolans  @graydolan12 @justanotherfangurl272 @dxlansfxck  @godlydolans @flowery-dolan

[its-btrz-blog]

Throne of Glass (by Sarah J. Maas) Series Review

Throne of Glass is an on-going fantasy YA series, with currently 7 books (Throne of Glass, Crown of Midnight, Heir of Fire, Queen of Shadows, Empire of Storms, Tower of Dawn, Book #7) on the main series (5 have already been published, there's one being published this year and another next year), published by Bloomsbury since 2012. The author, Sarah J. Maas, has another on-going series on the same genre, A Court of Thorns and Roses.

What made me want to read it:

Since, well, fantasy is my favorite genre, Goodreads has been recommending me this since I created an account (almost 4 years now). It has a really, and I mean really, high rating on every book, lots of 5-star reviews and it seemed like I was missing out on such an AMAZING series. Its books have been nominated for the Goodreads Choice Awards since 2012. Also, the premise is really just that: amazing.

What is it about (no spoilers):

Celaena Sardothien (she'll be C. from now on, I can't write this name) is, at 18, the best assassin in her land. However, she has been captured and spent the last year of her life as a slave in the salt mines. Now, to win her freedom, she has to win a competition to become the King's Champion. For that, she is supported by the Crown Prince and trained by the captain of the guard. As the competition begins, the other candidates start dying, and it seems like C. will end up as another victim if she can't figure out who is killing them.

What I thought about it (spoilers after marked as such):

I'm going to start with the most important thing. The whole premise of this is that C.'s like the greatest assassin ever (she says it multiple times in every book, everyone else keeps saying it, also multiple times, it's really shoved down your throat). Great. Except, that's the biggest lie ever told. The whole premise of this character is false, as soon as you start reading. She doesn't act like an assassin. She's not smart, she's not strong, all we have to rely on is what she keeps telling us (which is, that she is the best). And it doesn't get better as the series progresses. She's described as knowing how to use all these weapons, she goes out full of hidden weapons on herself and super cool armor but then… that's about it? We barely see her acting as an assassin. Also, for someone who kills people for a living, she sure objects to it a lot. And it's not a great moral objection. She just wants to kill people she doesn't like (rich and powerful and evil people, really).

Then, of course, she's also the most beautiful woman ever (and best at everything else she does), and EVERYONE keeps remarking on that. I lost count of how many times we are told about her golden hair, her weird colored eyes, her slim body full of womanly curves with her perfect breasts that hang beneath her tunic. Of course, every time she changes clothes, we also get at least a paragraph describing color, cut, fabric, accessories and hair style. We spend more time hearing about her, how amazing she is, how pretty she is, how pretty her clothes are, that actually seeing her do something. Also, every other time she eats, we need a full description of how hungry she is and of what she's eating.

To make matters better, she's not even likable. She loves books, she loves reading, she loves candy. OK. She also loves boasting and making (empty) threats. And throwing temper tantrums. And thinking about how handsome her love interests are. She is a huge hypocrite, too. (Oh, how awful these wealthy people are living in luxury while people are being made slaves! Oh, let me buy the finest clothes I can and then burn them in rage.) That's a consistent trait she has throughout the whole series. And vain. (I’ve been imprisoned one year but my boobs aren’t big anymore! It’s not like I’m out of shape for this tournament thing or anything) Great personality there.

As for the story. It's fairly generic, I think. It doesn't get better than that. There's only a small percentage of each book actually dedicated to some sort of plot. The rest is padding. I'm serious, the books are huge, but if we're talking about the substance in each one, you could probably stuff it in half the books with half the length. At some point (after the second book I think), the direction of the series changes completely. Of course, the world building is mostly made up along the way. I never got a sense of what kind of world they were in to start with. The mythology and magic stuff is just kind of there, but never expanded upon. When it's necessary, something really convenient and never mentioned thing was already there all along. There's some gods, some named whenever it comes up, I don't know what the belief system is, there's some Christmas holiday that isn't really explained, I don't know how they worship, (aside from a vague ceremony in which she’s half asleep) there's some ancient runes, and there was magic once and magic creatures but they aren't talked about until halfway through the first book, and even then, it's like the bare minimum. So, confusing. Also, I was never really sure where they stand in terms of technological and scientific development. There's a coexistence of really medieval things with more advanced stuff and it's not addressed and I don't know what is supposed to be available.

The construction of the society is also somewhere along these lines. There's a king, he's evil, he's a conqueror, he rules all. Great. And there's a foreign princess from a country that has a name and that's barely it. There was a map, but I felt it was useless, mostly.

As for narration, these random in-chapter point of view changes are so annoying. They hinder the reading, they make me get lost. Either stick to one character per chapter, or mark the changes properly. And the writing… What is this? It's so flowery, it tries so hard! Every other sentence is written like there's some deep meaning in everything. So many trying-to-be-badass quotes. It's so tiresome, I can't even keep track of what's happening. Of course, to remedy that, the narration keeps telling me very important stuff, like how awesome C. is.

Lastly, there's the love triangle. You can spot it instantly. Two very handsome teenagers are presented. Wow. What could this mean? Also, a person cannot possibly be in love, if they don't mention at least twice per chapter how beautiful and amazing their love interest is, and how much they are attracted to them. It gets old. It doesn't make a well developed romance. Both Chaol and Dorian (captain of the guard and prince, respectively, and the first two love intererests) are also very incompetent at their posts. Maybe because they spend so much time thinking about C.? This sort of applies to other characters too, since everyone who doesn't think C. is the greatest person to walk the earth is shown as a bad person.

[SPOILERS AFTERWARDS]

About plot. There's this huge feat of writing that features in these books. It's called: you're in the protagonist's head half of the time but she has this huge secret/secret plan that she somehow never talks about until it is revealed for the other characters! Seriously? Lost princess fae never thinks about it? Ever? Those secret allies you have about whom you've never talked about that will save the day?

You know, part of the enjoyment of reading is seeing the characters planning and doing the small things and seeing how it plays out in the end. None of this here.

Then we have the huge shift that happens between books 2 and 3. We were following the story of a supposed assassin who wants to overthrow the evil king and suddenly we are following the story of a lost Fae princess (even though we are told almost nothing about Fae before this) who wants to take her kingdom back and improve other kingdoms by conquering them and killing the evil entities and her evil relative. And those two protagonists are the same person, but are written as if they were two separate persons. They're not. She's still selfish and a hypocrite. (She's also given a new magical love interest to match her new persona. Of course.)

Continuing with C./A./her 100 out-of-nowhere titles, apparently being born a princess and being raised as a spoiled “assassin” gives her all the qualification she needs to rule a kingdom she has never cared for. And of course, to start colonizing other countries once she's queen. You know, the same thing the EVIL VILLAIN does? And anyone who questions her right to rule is immediately painted in a bad light, and threatened by good queen A. and her “court”. Great way to show the rise of a dictator.  

[END OF SPOILERS]

The supporting characters, of course, all adore C./A and see no faults in her. Conveniently, they are all being paired up with each other, so we'll have a nice group of couples by the end. We don't see these romances develop, they just happen. As with the main romance, only with less endless paragraphs of love and lust declarations.

I'm really not liking the direction these books are going.

Conclusion:

I have rated every book in this series with 1-star. This has been my greatest disappointment lately, since I've been exposed to its good publicity for years. So, no, I don't recommend it. In fact, even though opinions are always subjective, these books get a lot of compliments and attention I feel they don't really deserve. I didn't get what I was promised. I've only kept reading because I'm incapable of leaving series unfinished.

[My individual reviews for each book are here, here, here, here, and here.]

The short stories:

They exist to, you know, reassure us of how amazing C. is, like we need it. And to show is this “epic” romance between C. and her previous boyfriend that she keeps mentioning was the love of her life until the REAL one appears. Oh, and some character is introduced, that then appears out of nowhere in a later book to simply save the day. I don't think they had anything important to add, really.

[earthenthoughts]

The New Year's New Look: Post Patch 6.9, and Syndra.

The Crystal Ball is Wild and Dangerous

It is with no small distaste I look back upon my predictions and see how they have come to fruition. For the first time in many years, Syndra found herself thrust into the spotlight in a way that can only be described as 'damaging'. Clocking in a 97% ban rate at Worlds 2016, and earning the World Casters' bristling ire, her solo queue performance achieved around a 50-70% ban rate depending on any day's given temperament. Now, as we stand in the twilight of 2016, the world is looking pretty different for her.

My predictions back around August didn't play out as I thought they would, but ultimately did come true. Upon the landing of the Patch 6.9, Syndra's kit broke with a couple different bugs that would remain until Patch 6.12. Namely, her ultimate no longer detected spheres correctly, so if any of her abilities modified a sphere, there was about a 1-2 second window her ultimate wouldn't see the sphere. The net result, quite often was something like a 6 sphere ultimate only firing as a 4 or 3 sphere ultimate in turn. In all my time in playing her, it was the single most frustrating thing to deal with, and that's a pretty tall statement in over 5 years of League of Legends with her.

As Patch 6.12 landed, however, and these bugs were corrected, Syndra also received some AP ratio help, bumping her damage even further with the Patch 6.9 changes. This rode upon the back of many other different champions, many of which were the S-list and A-list competition she had to deal with, getting nerfed. The net result was a near meteoric rise to the top in competitive play and the world at large gleaning what would happen in a meta where Syndra is handed the queen's seat on a silver platter. This isn't entirely new to her, as Syndra's last rise to the top saw some stiff nerfs to her complete lane domination some years ago.

In the course of Patch 6.12 to Patch 6.24, much of the lukewarm reputation Syndra possessed was pretty much destroyed. Any notion of skill involvement disappeared as the roving bands of mob mentality paid their seasonal visit with her in their sights. I didn't really expect her to survive it any better than the rest, though I do find myself irritable nonetheless over the matter. My own personal misgivings aside, it was quite the useful learning experience, as it ever is, in watching how powerful public perception is. After all, when the man on the television preaching to you and millions of others that a champion has, "Absolutely no counter play", why wouldn't you believe him? Certainly not when no defense or counter argument is given in favor of the problem, of course.

  A New Year, and More Patches.

As we step out of the shadow 2016, and the clock turns over, the future is looking interesting for Syndra. The nerfs are on the horizon, and they aim at correcting what is arguably the biggest problem in her kit currently. Her W, Force of Will, is (as of the last PBE I looked at), being changed to something like this:

AP Ratio reverted to 0.7 from 0.8. Base damage reduced by 10 at all levels.

Old: Force of Will grabs 2 additional spheres near the target.

New: Force of Will now deals 20% bonus true damage.

The developers are fairly confident it will ship 'as is', but as ever, the Crystal Ball is dangerous. They may post something different tomorrow and explode this entire blog post like a destroyer in Battleship.

Notably, her new Q passive (+2 seconds to Dark Sphere life timers) and E changes (+0.1 AP, -2s base CD) are being retained. The rest of her kit, otherwise, remains untouched or considered as far as I'm aware. I find myself quite welcoming to these changes, as they will largely return Syndra to her prior playstyle and with easier-to-tune levers. An instrinic problem of the multisphere W is that it has no way to be balanced–your only recourse is to reduce the grab targets from 3 to 2, and this opens up other issues. The natural throw pattern would be a V-shape, which would ironically make it so awful to level you'd intentionally avoid it, as this would destroy her stun pattern. As a designer, you're forced to adjust it so one sphere is center mass and … where does the second go? Then you have to argue how it throws, and so on. As her kit is designed currently, the idea just opens more problems. Just looking at it can make a new problem appear out of thin air, seemingly.

Damage, however unimaginative it might be, is easy to tune. You make it go up or down, and if damage as a mechanic is undesired, you visit the project when you have more time. In this regard, although Syndra's W having a considerable amount of true damage (that's BONUS true damage, not a conversion. Her W overall has more damage), it's simple to change. From a gameplay perspective, it definitely empowers her skill route for W second max, as level 13 is when the mid-game/team fighting phase happens. Being true damage, she'll hammer all targets equally, though squishy ones will fear her W throw the most as they have less over all HP to absorb true damage with. Magic Resistance rushers, particularly those favoring Abyssal Scepter and Maw of Malmortius, will get stung pretty heavily by it and relieve some of Syndra's crippling issues with fighting those build paths until Void Staff is complete.

Her tank killing prowess will enjoy a slight increase, though out of all her targets, I imagine she'll still feel very cramped against them. Flat true damage is not necessarily an elegant way to kill tanks, but it does help.

The only problems I can foresee with this is squishy carry champions getting slammed particularly hard by Syndra's W sniping. However, lacking the multi-sphere throw now, she can no longer infinitely maintain her ultimate or a stun wall as large as a lane. Whether or not that's a fair trade off, time will tell, but if the true damage is a problem (in being too weak(?) or strong), a quick number change is all it needs. It is certainly a much better alternative to the multisphere mechanic and her original W passive.

  In Defense of the Multisphere Mechanic

I'll take this moment to kind of step aside and try to frame the vitrolic I have around this idea. So, standing in defiance of my past remarks, let's be a little different. On its own, the principle idea of manipulating multiple spheres with Syndra is a thematically interesting idea. It also has potential for zone control, power ramp, and everything her kit is based as an idea. As Syndra exists, however, it's inclusion destroyed safety levers many parts of her kit relied on to permit the power she has. Notably, her incredible team stunning and nuking power went from 'very timing sensitive' to 'whenever I want because I can'. The core idea itself can work, as experience has shown, merely not with the iteration Syndra herself currently exists in.

I feel that in a future VGU, or whenever the idea of a radical redesign for Syndra is in mind, it can be revisited. The concept of multiple sphere management is powerful enough you could redesign her whole kit with it in mind, and emphasize a lot of her unique strengths in the process. But, I fear it would be necessary to no longer consider Syndra a Burst Mage in that iteration. Her single target nuke ultimate as it is right now would not play nicely with that idea, so it would have to go. The multiple sphere ability (Force of Will, in this case) may even evolve into becoming her ultimate in such a world. Where it would go, or do, is a matter of speculation. You run the very real risk of making Syndra the best AOE nuke mage in the game, rather than a powerful single target problem remover. That's a wild ride of speculation and theory design I've played with for a while, but, no matter what, we'd have to fundamentally redefine a lot of who and what Syndra is.

So, the idea is good, the game just doesn't allow for it as it is. I'd be very curious to see how it'd play out on a theoritical design in testing with a bigger scope of work in mind, though.

  The World At Large

Assassins got their update and promptly fell on their face (except for LeBlanc, as always), as many of the current mage mid laners are quite comfortable against them. I'm honestly not certain if Assassins will find a happy existence, as their class entails a range of fundamental assertions that are problematic for the League of Legends environment. The largest one is the 'always losing until they're winning' one. Assassins do not have fallback mechanics in exchange for their incredible target selection and maneuverability. Thus, this means a stalwart defense and neutral farming playstyle can put them into a 'losing the game' position by just simply ignoring them. The onus to succeed is on the Assassin, and they must pursue an almost dangerously reckless degree of gameplay to stay relevant, then to win.

This in turn means player agency is a bit more suspect, as the Assassins are given–by design–the tools to out play, out manuever, and defeat their opponent. If they cannot do this reliably enough, they will simply never exist in professional League of Legends unless they're a wild card pick. Regular play will see them more convincingly, as skill and play style varies wildly there, but the class as a whole won't be regarded with some modicum of seriousness. I ponder if this is an issue of how League of Legends, as a game, is designed, and whether or not this problem can be answered by tuning the Assassins directly. Time will tell as Riot's attention goes to stepping down on the mage mid laners and giving a boost up to the Assassin class, and everyone gets to fight Fizz again(again).

Tanks are prowling around quite happily right now, and a fair number of other classes who shouldn't be, with the new Courage of the Colossus mastery. Word on the street is that will be getting slammed, so hopefully that draws that array back in line. Overall pleased with tanks having a menacing presence, though the damage available to them is brow raising. I suspect new mechanics unique to them would help give them more 'tank' and less 'tank by damage threat'. Reworking Taunt, for example, has interesting potential. Imagine if Taunt made it so a targeted enemy can only auto attack or use targeted abilities to the tank taunting them, but the target was normal otherwise (so no pseudo-stun lock mechanic). This means some of the existing tanks would either have to gain a Taunt effect, or some sort of item for them alone to use. It's one idea that comes to mind, anyway.

As is tradition, the entire jungle role is once again on fire as the new year of 2017 and Preseason 7 comes. The whole place is on fire, in a very literal way.

Bot lane is currently a whipping post as the ADC(marksman) role is finally contested after 7 years of League of Legends. That is, marksmen as a class are finding themselves constantly stepped on, smacked around, and new picks coming to contest their relevancy to the game. I find this particularly interesting to watch as, while I don't want a whole class to disappear, they're unique in that they have always 'been there'. The entire history of League of Legend metas is defined by 'Marksman+X', where X is the flavor of the month. It got to the point you had marksman in all 5 roles, though that got nerfed down. They maintain a presence in jungle and midlane, and the occasional terror pick arrives in toplane (to every top main's insatiable ire). To find a playing field open up where there are viable and desirable team compositions without marksman is a breath of fresh air in the potential of the game.

What the marksman bring to the table will still always be there, but I wonder if it will no longer be the mandatory must-have it has been. A team that could field no marksman, and make a dangerous yet viable choice in doing so, is not often considered nor held in any regard except 'I'm being trolled'. Mordekaiser as a marksman was arguably the first foray, however awkward, into this idea. The execution of that plan kind of exploded like a transformer on a power pole when the bristling hate mail came down the line … but still, it had merit in testing. Yasuo, amusingly, was somewhat envisioned as a potential marksman replacer, but he does every role. Now, we have Ziggs showing up in bot lane, not even as a marksman, but as a siege war waging machine whose unique strength is one of the few virtues the marksman class is built on. Where the marksman will end up after the dust has settled, I think, is a very telling point in how League of Legends could evolve.

If they're put back into their mandatory position, then it's reasonable to assume a degree of 'this is how it is, period'. If they're not mandatory, then it's reasonable to assume a greater degree of fluidity in design.

In what ways I can remember, I'd be historically inclined to say 'Riot will pursue a rigid method of design'. The ever changing balance team seems open to new approaches, though. I'm hopeful they'll experiment in this regard, though I live with an ever traumatic fear of what happened to Zyra, The Stolen Mage. Nonetheless, positive thoughts are better than anything else.

But, I'll be here, playing Syndra like I always do.

I'm a Syndra Main, not an OTP guys.

Seriously.

I'm serial.

staph calling me a one trick

The New Year’s New Look: Post Patch 6.9, and Syndra. was originally published on Earthen Thoughts