#and so nice and warm

[chieana]

I had to get up to make dinner over an hour ago, but:

there is literally no way for me to get up, obviously

[twilight-zoned-out]

Learning about the Doctor Who specials' expanded budget: oh no, what if they overuse CGI to look more 'professional' and high-budget?

The first scene of the Doctor Who Special:

[anglerflsh]

a homing of pigeons

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

[wazzi2ya]

Angel walking up behind Husk so quietly he didn't notice him, and when Husk turns around to leave he's at perfect height to accidentally bury his face in Angel's chest fluff. There's a moment of silence where nobody moves that is only broken when a loud, steadily increasing purr breaks out of him. His hands are making biscuits in the air.

[notdysfunk]

Snowman time!! .☀️🌙

[maxsix]

[canisalbus]

Absolutely sending me that vasco sleeps butt fucking naked with his weird little Victorian doll boyfriend

Different strokes for different folks.

Vasco finds sleepwear kind of unnecessary and restricting. He doesn't insist on sleeping nude and can go to bed decently dressed if the situation calls for it, but if it's up to him and he's comfortable and in trusted company, he prefers wearing very little.

Machete gets cold easily and has weird body image issues, not being properly covered tends to distress him. Plus he has a thing for high guality garments and wants to look pretty or at least passably presentable even in bed.

[napping-sapphic]

Good luck trying to casually cuddle with me if we date we’d lay down and get nice and cozy and then i would fall asleep in two seconds flat and trap you for four hours

[hajihiko]

(I had a nice evening)

[theoldkyokodied]

every warm up miguel drawing i drew in the past few weeks gdhgfhjsadghjagfj

[withclawandvine]

getting to know kirishima is just one big game of is he flirting or just hot and talking???? and it's a fucking nightmare

[biblically-accurate-dca]

bring it in friend!

[samarecharm]

Love that Ann and Ryuji both love food and bond w Akira over food…something about it is so sweet to me. The ramen shop, the crepes, the hotel buffet, the afternoon diner hangouts, the attic hotpot…Ann making the hotpot suggestion; Ryuji showing u his favorite hole in the wall restaurant…all the thieves enjoying the local restaurants and food in strikers; Akira making the leblanc curry and coffee for teammates, and Akira getting volunteer help to cook restorative food for the team….i just love it alot. I want you to eat bc i want you to be well, i want us both to be well.

[weevmo]

Oh no another outfit - this time Wally's 'correction' wear!

I'm sure if they took a moment they both could understand where the other is coming from lmao. Let's just say, before they left, Frank was one of Home's biggest troublemakers; in that he goes 'off' not very often...but when he does it's explosive.

[creakysocks]

Nick and Ellie hanging out