#and stuck at my partners family's house where i cant really be myself so :

[tarrodetaro]

if anyone wants to collaborate with me in making a tarot deck and coming up with interpretations for each card, I would sure love the company (please I'm so lonely)

[what-the-fuck-god]

day 228/365 (new years eve)

WOW it was so much longer than i intended since my last update on here. i did start writing an update a little over a month ish ago now but i never got a chance to finish it an post it

only 5 months left (i cant believe i got here)

major good news! (at least in my opinion)

i got accepted into my top university!!

i honestly never thought this would’ve happened. i’m finally getting to pursue the career i actually want at the school i’ve truly been interested in for so long

of course this came with a lot of shit from my family since this is not the paved path that my parents wanted me to take (especially when i told them i applied do housing, i swear my father damn near went into a coma), but at the moment i simply have no fucks to give about that

okay so a reflection of the year

as i’m writing this i’m currently volunteering at a dog shelter, comforting one of the dogs that’s scared of writing this (he’s sitting in my lap and is providing the best therapy lmao; i don’t do well with fireworks either)

there were a lot of “last things” for me this year. that’s my kinda big takeaway

there are so many things that i’m doing for the last time as i move onto a new stage of my life, a lot of it due to leaving this cult

i had my last first day of highschool this year, im a senior now and it has been wild

i had to sit through my last jw convention (thank fuck)

i went on my last family vacation

i had my last “gift day” with my family (my parents did a family thing for their anniversary where everyone exchanged gifts)

this was my last full year before i turn 18

i competed in my last competition event (had a fantastic send off, made it to nationals babey)

this was my last full year of being stuck in this cult

there’s a lot more but that’s what i can think of right now

it feels so crazy that next year i’m going to be going through so many big changes next year. for once i’m really excited about change

some things i’m looking forward to next year

college!!

future plans with my friend group

completing a passion project of mine

getting to wake up next to my partner on a regular basis <3

getting time to focus on myself

graduating highschool!!

finally getting out of this cult

i’m really excited to find out what next year holds :)

hehehe i just got my first new years kiss

as always i would love any asks about anything. i love talking to people

here’s to hoping i post more this year

happy new years everyone

-casey

[wednesdaytonight]

talking about my feelings helped a lot, i suppose thats a Duh obviously im stuck really hard into i guess flashbacks? i dont really think of it like that, like parts of the past that feels more real then the present i think of it more like bits of my soul is still there, and its not just like Violent moments its like, a moment on a street block that i dont have the connecting memories to, playing risk with a family friend who ill never see again and i was inside like age 8 playing this board game with an adult instead of running around with the other kids outside probs cause of my allergies and i cant go back to either of those things and like thinking about a cafe i spent a lot of time at as a child thats not there anymore or like entering a library thats not there anymore just stuff like that vivid and present its just as exhausting as the times im stuck in violence  maybe its more like obsessive ruminating, like im aware im not there but it makes it hard to think about anything else and i guess it comes with fear that im close to turning something over that i dont want to remember anyway, but omg sharing just a little bit of my feelings i then had a series of really like detailed dreams that were like family reunion road trip where it was stressful but i was being valued then it was like a bunch of houses blurring together and one was like there were marks on the floor where two people died in rooms next to each other their bodies left marks on the wood, there was an identical house next door with a broken window, a voice was like you picked out the perfect house for us wednesday, and my next door neighbors had this massive massive house, and we were on this raised land on a hill in this beautiful area that ive dreamt of before but i dont think its based on anything real real? the neighbors were like a fusion of teachers and cliche tiger mom wife kinda stuff ive had and she was like my neighbor who was also re-parenting me id come over and she’d be weird about gender but clearly saw me as an equal in being a stay at home spouse, then i dreamt of a house i use to live at, it wrapped back around to getting ready for the familiar reunion, i dream of this house a lot, this one specific bathroom in my dreams theres always more to it, like ill open the door and be like oh why did we never use the bathtub in here why did we never see there was a secret basement door or hole into the ground (this time it was just a round hole in the floor) the bathroom was just a sink and a toilet and washer and dryer it got used all the time maybe even more than the upstairs one so idk where this is coming from, the other dream came back before i woke up and it was like the neighbors kids (which were closer to my age than the mom to me but they were like The Kids to me) were helping me set up like a house exorcism cause we couldnt sell, i loved the area and i loved living next to them, i wouldnt be able to live with myself selling a cursed house to someone else and even though i was like ?trapped? there with my ?partner? there was stuff about the life i was unwilling to give up even if it meant my ?freedom?  as we were doing it we were talking about offering a fee and doing this elsewhere like traveling priests when i woke up

and i felt better! like by a lot i went to have breakfast and get all stretches out, tomorrow i start work work again

[alfouxxiv]

Layers to a Damned Man

one: outside layer

[Name:] “Alfoux...Rovat”

[Hair Style & colour:] “It’s hazel maybe more brown? I don't really know. when I was young...I used to have short hair. But as I grew older, it has become rather long. I keep it tied back when the need for a helmet arises.”

[Eye Color:] “Amber from what I’ve told, though. I assume it could be taken as any colour of that nature.”

[Height:] “I’m tall, I tower over most and very few tower over me. It is a blessing and a curse.”

[Style:] “I’m not one for style and trends but. I was raised to be fancy. To know the right fork to use and to say please and thank you, and it stuck. But I’m far from the term ‘fancy’ as many have said to me countless times before, I am rough around the edges. What else are you going to get, when you take a brume kid out of the brume and into the lap of the houses upon high.”

“I am rough, jaded and scared. I have seen what this world has to give and it has laid its mark to bare upon me. So yes, I am rough around the edges. I’m abrasive, cold in nature. So my style if you must put a thing to it, tends to lean towards such. I own nothing other than my armour on my back, everything that had ‘style’ was stripped from me.”

[Best Physical Feature:] “My hands or eyes, it is one thing many compliment me on. I have no idea what they mean however. Some have also said my jaw line is a nice feature, or my chest... Though those who say my chest is my best feature, are more likely saying that to further their motives of romantic intent which is not something I’m looking for.”

“I myself don't see a best feature, nor even a good feature. It is just a body, or maybe I just don't have the best confidence in myself hm?”

two: inner layer

[Fears:] “All of my fears have come to fruition. All I ever wanted was a home, and not have it stripped from me. But here we are, my life was a lie and those who said they loved me? a lie.” 

[Guilty Pleasure:] “The things I enjoy, though very few they are. I do not find guilt in them. I enjoy reading bad romance novels...and I enjoy them, and there is no shame in that.”

[Biggest Pet Peeve:] “People, speaking of those who believe that our great nation is in fact great, because it is far from it. Our land is flawed and blinded by lies, feed to them from who was once in control. Our world is changing and those who do change with it? well, they will be left in the dust of those willing to move for a brighter future....if that is even something we can come to.”

[Ambition for the Future:] “In the long term I guess it would be to fix the mess my ‘family’ made, in the short term? I wish to die. So we will see which comes first.”

three: thoughts

[First Thought When Waking Up:] “Oh grand I am still alive, oh what a fantastic thing to happen.”

[What You Think About the Most:] “Money I guess, I don't have a single gil to my name. So it tends to be about money or when the next job will come by.”

[What You Think About Before Bed:] “I’m either to drunk off my ass to even think, or if I’m not its thinking of another night were I don't sleep.”

[Your Best Quality Is:] “I have no idea, I am a man of very little good qualities. I am sure someone would say otherwise but as this is me talking? I have none.”

four: what’s better

[Single or Group Dates?] “I have never been on a date, I never had the time for such things or ever felt a bond with someone, to ever do such a thing.”

[To be Loved or to be Respected?] “In my heart, it cries out for love? and my mind pains for respect. In days gone by I used to think I had both, but now I know that ‘love’ was a lie. And that ‘respect’? fear. So truly? I have no idea what is better, for I truthfully know what those feel like.”

[Beauty or Brains?] “I am more inclined to lean towards brains. Not saying that beauty isn't a bad thing, because it isn't. I am just more inclined to drift towards those who are, of a more intelligent inclination...though I'm not saying those who are beautiful cant be smart because they can be. They are I....yeah...”

[Cats or Dogs?] “Cats, I have had the pleasure of living with many in my younger years. All thanks to a certain templar. Though I do preferer cats over dogs, that doesn’t mean I don't like dogs. I just enjoy the company of cats more.” 

four: do you...

[Lie?] “My job was to lie, to preach a lie and to enact a lie. So yes I have lied. Do I still lie? truthfully it is to myself nearly on a daily basis but to others I try to be more. Up front.” 

[Believe in Yourself?] “In days gone by yes, I believed I could do nearly anything, within reason. But now? no...”

[Believe in Love?] “No, not anymore.”

[Want Someone?] “I want to be left alone, yet for some reason people keep bothering me. So no. I don't want anyone.”

six: have you ever...

[Been on Stage?] “I have not, though I have watched many a play when I was younger. They were rather enjoyable at the time. But I had no intention of joining them.”

[Done Drugs?] “I have not no, unless you count smoking as a drug? though it is just tabaco.”

[Changed Yourself to Fit In Somewhere?] “Amusing. I’m a brume kid living a house upon high, so what do you think?”

seven: favorite

[Favorite Color:] “I have never really given it much thought. Though my armours have always been on the darker side, I did have a blue set for ceremonies or other such special occasions. So maybe blue? again I have never given it much thought...”

[Favorite Food:] “When I was younger Otix used to make these cream cheese and liver sandwiches, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I still do enjoy them, though now that I’m older I can make them myself. Other than that? I don't really have a preference.”

[Favorite Game:] “I never had the time for games growing up, with education, sword training and fencing and other duties. I never had much free time, so whenever I rarely did have time to myself I just read a book.”

eight: age

[When Your Next Birthday Will Be:] “I cant remember for the life of me when my name day is, and to be honest at my age I could careless for the day.”

[How Old Will You Be?] “I think I’m 36? or am I older? I cant remember.”

[Age You Lost Your Virginity:] “who cares, it is not something I wish to divulge to anyone.”

[Does Age Matter?] “I wouldn’t wish to see someone that hasn't even seen their 12th summer in a combat situation if that's what you mean. I have seen many younger people die under the hands, of people who were no where near the front of battle. But if you’re referring to someone younger dating someone older? well that all depends does it not? if it is someone far older praying on someone who shouldn't even be thinking of such a thing, then well that person will happily meet the end of my sword.”

nine: in a partner

[Best Personality:] “Someone who is kind I assume, I haven’t given it much thought seeing as, I have never met someone who I have grown a connection of that type with.”

[Best Eye Colour:] “Does it really matter? Are there really people out there who specifically court those with a specific eye colour.....”

[Best Hair Colour:] “It’s hair who cares, doesn't matter what colour is it.”

[Best Thing to do With a Partner:] “Again, I have never given thoughts like these much time. Maybe that is very telling of my nature. But if I must pick something, than maybe...maybe it would be nice to cook with someone. Maybe even quietly read with them, or go fishing...”

ten: finish the sentence

[I Love...] “To be. Left. Alone.”

[I Feel...] “Empty...”

[I Hide...] “Everything. I am not want to show my hand at the first or even second meeting.”

[I Miss...] “...”

[I Wish...] “I wish I was never adopted, to be left to have that life grow into something that wasn't built on a lie and cursed to live...”

Tagged by: @yafaemi thank you fren so it took so long!!!

Tagging: @ffxivtribehydrae | @kich-rp | @grumpy-limsan-customs-cat | @zinniane | @m-iasma​ | @bjarkan​ | @wilderkind​ | @faustinebellamy | @aethersmoke-and-ash ​ | @violetcuriosity​ | @lady-iseterre​ | And anyone else who wants to do it!!

[mollydollyjournals]

Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.

[abthepoet]

So Id like to mention that COVID19 has put a lot of things into perspective.

My industry of experiential marketing was literally one of the first to go about a week ago when stores began banning all live demonstrations. I work in the natural and organic food industry doing live events and cooking recipes on site to sample brands to customers at grocery retailers.And because sampling tables are good places to spread germs, my demos all immediately came to a stop. I'm also an in home, private Music Teacher to kids of various ages and needless to say if schools' on hold, so is teaching. and so is income. My Venmo is :ABBlas22

Which sucks, a lot because the majority of my work is independent contractor based. . . .and there's no health care, paid leave, unemployment, or sick time. Why do I still do it? Because I love the industry, the opportunities it affords me, and the pay is solid. Except come tax season. The Government likes to fuck you if you work for yourself. . . .even tho I pay for all my own equipment and car repairs to get me from job to job. My Venmo is ABBlas22

However, amid the panic, I havent felt this calm in years. The constant anxiety and pressure of having to make money and go to work and be on time and make my schedule and drive from this city to that city for this demo and that demo, has subsided. I finally wake up and I'm not staring at the clock counting down how long before I have to leave which triggers an anxiety fest about leaving my dogs home alone because my one dog has such severe separation anxiety she destroys her crate, escapes, and then ruins the house(we are actively working on it) . . .so I'm up early and nervous about, "ok I have three hours I have to walk the dogs for at least one of those hours, feed them, get dressed, brush teeth, try to eat, clean the house, stuff their Kongs, make sure I have everything I need, and then try to sneak out before the dog starts freaking out." followed by "did I book enough demos this week, if I have to execute 16 for the month where can I put another demo, should I give myself a day off? nah, i need the money, let me check my Google calendar for the 65th time this morning and stare at all the blank dates I should be booking demos instead of doing anything else because no matter how much I work, it is never enough. So I spend an hour worrying about plunging my family into financial ruin. . . . better get online and start digging thru emails and brand Ambassador groups to make sure I've got enough work. Oh what's that? the sound of my entire family and partner telling me to get a *regular* job even though the idea of punching a clock and working for someone else makes me physically sick. . but I go and do it anyway because its a W2 position so you think well maybe I'll get health benefits at least and then come to find out that this bullshit retail job doesn't give part timers benefits of any kind, but I keep the job anyway because everyone said a normal job was best, but it pays $6 less an hour than my demo gigs and is a total waste of my skills and professional experience and eventually is cutting into my income because its taking up so many weekly hours but pays significantly less that I start calling out to go do demos instead and then the same people who were like "get a regular job" turn around and go "no, not That job, try This job."

and I'm over here ready to fucking scream because I've Been very clear about wanting to be in business for myself. I have tried many things, including testing an extremely beta version of what eventually became Uber Eats. . . I could be a millionaire but my parents thought it was a stupid idea and once I used up my resources trying to drum up business, that was it.

also, this is the worst part about being a millennial. I went to college for music because they said be anything and follow your dreams . . .but then I graduated into recession (2006) and got the first job I could,at a deli, which . . . .isn't exactly a degree holding position. For years we said,"I'm just grateful I Have a Job right now." and we got bitter, broke, and depressed as a generation. We're in our 30's now and it's just as bleak an outlook for our generational future. At least until the boomers die out and free up some of that wealth, if they don't all leave it to the cat and state first just to spite us.

So yea, people are freaked out with COVID19 but for the first time, I dont feel pressure or anxiety to rush out the house or make money because everything got cancelled. All I want to do is work super hard on my own online store via Shopify and grow from there. I love to work and I love the discipline of hard work. I would rather spend 18 hours in a day working on my own business and hustling my ass off to make it work using over a decade of marketing and sales experience to promote my brand for once.

But that's hard to invest time and money when I live paycheck to paycheck and have a partner and fur babies who depend on me. Everytime I excitedly talk about dropshipping through shopify and all my plans for it, it's met with a nervous "I believe in you but dont fuck us financially." "I believe in you but doesn't that take time." "I believe in you but why don't you just work here, they pay decent."

I love that the #Coronavirus hit and suddenly human rights are easy to hand out. I love that Coronavirus got us to halt economies on a scale so massive that will actually help us fight climate change. Capitalism has destroyed our planet and our species.

I want to always remind everyone that we are a species first. Not countrymen, not race, not religion. . . we are all dancing flesh bags, given different corporeal conduits with which to experience life and then later compare notes with one another.

"What's life like in that short skin suit?"

"Not bad but I can't reach anything."

"Good thing I got one of these tall skin suits." *grabs top shelf items*

"Thanks!"

It's to help us come together, understand similarities thru differences and use them to gain new perspectives while helping our species and our planet thrive.

This insane notion that everyone needs to have a job needs to go. Our species was Not made to do slave labor all day long for an invented wage that keeps us stuck fighting for basic survival when we have the potential to completely alter our lives.

The Earth is a hostage who's not allowed to feed her own kids. They locked up every fruit bearing tree, enslaved every animal, poisoned the soil, polluted the water and then held your life at gunpoint and demand you hand over hours of your life to work that does a disservice to your potential for greatness just for a chance to get a taste of what should be your birthright.

Basic needs of survival that all humans will die without shouldn't be prizes for who can work themselves to death the fastest.

Im using this time as an opportunity and am taking what little resources I have to work on my online store and sell off and flip what I can to make start up money on Ebay. (I dont even have WiFi and my apartment complex has locked the business center for CoronaVirus) . Using my phone for everything is really fucking tedious, especially because I've had it for 4 years and it doesn't always cooperate, but I'm grateful I even have one to use. If you want to invest in me, even just $5 I will 100% be using it to get a business off the ground. I've got most of the basic work done and market research, but with no income I cant even afford the basic Shopify plan at $30 a month, I'm hoping they pass a moratorium on evictions because how do I pay rent with no job to go to!?

My Venmo is : ABBlas22 and I do reward!

[shirts181]

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be?  Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

[laracroftsleatherjacket]

Flower Asks: all of them >:3€ (forgive me)

(this is so many omg but I’ll allow it only bc i love u)

Alisons: Sexuality? 

     Gay af (ace lesbean)

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

     Waman (she/they)

Amaryllis: Birthday?

     November 2nd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

     Funnily enough anemones are one of my favs but i think my top favs are chrysanthemums and morning glories but I really love many flowers and flowers in general

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

     As of right now, stranger things duh

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

     Like favors or? I mean I really do try to be a kind and helpful person but if I don’t know somebody or haven’t at least seen them a couple times before I usually don’t do much bc of anxiety 

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

     "The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.” Lara Croft mostly bc I cant think of anything else right now and that stuck with me

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

     Like a really good cup of black tea with cream and sugar or sweet tea

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

     Never been kissed before but I definitely have someone in mind I would kiss ;3

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

     Hell yeah I am right now and I don’t think I ever have been before now

Baneberries: Favorite song?

     Oh hard question... currently really digging We Fell In Love in October by Girl in Red 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

     My family is supportive (for the most part) and very loving, even if they express love in weird ways sometimes. We also like to joke around a lot and make fun of each other but in a good way? Like we all have a good time mostly and I get along better with everyone since I started college

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

     My girlfriend is my best friend uwu I also have a lot of good friends but yeah

Begonia: Favorite color?

     Purble but specifically like a pastel purple and purples that lean more towards blue than pink

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

     Lynx! I love so many animals tho and I also like many cats and domestic cats in general

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

     Night!

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

     Probably would love to just be a loved house cat who gets to lay in front of the fire all day or a lynx bc i love them

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

     A veterinarian (or a special agent lmao)! I also still plan on being a vet tho even tho I get discouraged at least once a month 

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

     I mean I like kids and I was a camp counselor for a summer, but I dont really want any of my own

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

     Oh god so many things.. Biggest thing would maybe be death/dying? Like if i think about it too much like the possibility of there just being nothing after death freaks me out. That and throwing up/nausea 

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

     I played soccer and then I was a competitive swimmer so i was kind of an athlete? even tho i hated sports

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

     I think I would like to go to waffle house, have the perfect cup of tea, spend lots of time with my loved ones and pet my kitties, play video games with my gf, and sit under a tree in the mountains preferably on a warmer day in the fall and watch the sunset 

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

     Very happily taken

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

     Always wanted to visit Norway

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

      Really big long hugs, good morning or goodnight messages, and I also really love cards 

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

     I have 6 

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

     Yup! I have an industrial, orbital, and 3 earlobe piercings   

California Poppy: Height?  

     5′2 or maybe a little less

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

     Yeah I think so, but I do also get freaked out easily lmao

Carnation: What are you currently wearing? 

     Red flannel, jeans, fuzzy socks, and big dyke boots  

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

     Yeah I did for a long time and I still sometimes sleep with one or like a bathroom light on if Im sleeping by myself in a new place

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

     Either my mom or my dad I dont remember technically who was last bc my parents are visiting me at college

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

     Again, never kissed or been kissed! but maybe soon... :0

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

     Font? I like the font in Night in the Woods?

Columbine: Are you tired?

     Pretty much always either sleepy or tired lol

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

     Christmas, getting to see my gf again, and Magfest!

Coneflower: Dream job?

     Like a veterinarian but having my own practice and also being able to take in injured wildlife if possible

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

     Introvert for sure

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

     Oh repeat question, hell yes

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

     Depends what it is but I would go pretty far for somebody I care about and Im also a crazy person and would drive/travel no matter what distance for someone I love

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

     Yup! I had a ballerina bunny, named Bunny because I was very creative and I still have her

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

     Scorpio

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

     I think so? I did a lot of cool stuff with my GS troop like our bronze award project and going ziplining and to sliding rock. 

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

     My GS gold award for sure, that shit was hard work and stressful af

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

     Umm??? I would tell my dad to eat shit and die and I cant imagine my mom being anything but sweet and supportive so I dont even know

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

     You! This morning uwu

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

     uhh Im pretty good at making sense of stuff in my science labs and reasoning and im sometimes good at art? I feel like I do traditional better but Im getting better at digital

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

     bad at not being impulsive sometimes and bad at dead by daylight 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

     a little over a month but officially got a girlfriend who i love very much, my gf came down to visit and we got to chill on the mountains together, and I had a pretty nice birthday 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

     Good! Got breakfast at a diner with my parents and got coffee and a donut at my fav coffee shop so thats all i really need in life tbh 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

     Yeah Im happy even tho Im stressed with school at times 

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

     Get a job after graduation and hopefully get into vet school on the first or second try

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

     My kitty, mom, wonderful gf, sister, dead by daylight, heated blanket, apartment, waffle house, my sisters kitty, and my dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

     Donuts, coffee or tea, blankets, video games, and loud music

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

     Hmm... I really like to draw art for those i love, tell them how much i love them even though i can be bad with words, and i just try to spend a lot of time with the people I care about no matter what we are doing

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

     uhhh trying to open up more? and Im really proud of my gf 

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

     Going to waffle house. Go to a mountain and hike a little, sit on the top with girlfriend. Admire beauty of mountain countryside. Admire beauty of girlfriend while they admire the beauty of the mountain. Then warm up together with hot chocolate and play video games

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

     I like to doodle and do the arts, play video games, and I like to bake sometimes

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

     uuuuuuh I have a good friend I’ve known since kindergarten or first grade when I first moved to where I currently live

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

     My gf uwu and my mem

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

     probably like less than 10 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

     I think its really cute especially when you compliment my laugh

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

     ??? I think I am an okay person? And I try to be a good person and be kind and polite to people

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

     Umm... I mean I like that Im kind? and Im not fake and I try to be a good person     

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

      I hate that I procrastinate and that I can get frustrated easily at myself and at situations like crowds and traffic

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

     I liked to play ‘restaurant’ with my sister with our littlest pet shops

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

     I had a really great best friend named Rachel :c

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

     Losing a lot of friends and for being distant for a long time 

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

     Cutting off a friend that was bad for my mental health and who didnt treat me well even though we were best friends for a long time 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

     My name is literally my parents ship name... like they even told me they chose my name by putting their names together lmao but I mean I like my name so i guess its okay..

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

     Small town in new jersey when I was really, it was nice and family was closer. Then we moved and that was difficult but I ended up adjusting and it was good, had a decent amount of friends and the schools i went to were good

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

     For a long time I shared a room with my sister and we had a bunkbed and I had the top bunk of course, when we moved out of the apartment and into a house I got my own room and it was baby blue only because I told my dad that no, I didnt want a fuckin pink room and that was a whole thing lmao

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

    It was good? but also sucked a lot. I had a lot of issues with my mental health and struggled for a long while with something. I was bullied and stuff at home wasnt always that great. And i got outed so that was fun. Other than that I enjoyed swimming competitively and I got into art

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

I love my mom!! she is the most Mom mom and is so sweet and always there for me. She helps me out so much with so many things and I just love my mom so much

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

     I mean I love my dad? And hes better than he used to be, but he still doesnt help with shit and irritates me a lot. 

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

     I never got to know my grandfather on my moms side bc he passed away a few months before i was born and I sort of knew my grandmother but she lived far away and passed away 10 years ago. I usually see my gramma on my dads side the most and I try to visit often and help her out with stuff and I love her even though she can be a bit... racist and shit.. and I sometimes see my grandpa and step grandma but they can be strict about weird shit and always ask a lot of uncomfortable questions

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

     I dont really do much on my birthdays? Ive had a lot of nice birthdays and it usually involves going out to dinner or having a nice dinner at home and having birthday cake and playing games like jenga or yahtzee.

Peony: What was your first job?

     I did some petsitting for a while but my first real job was being a camp counselor/tower belayer/lifeguard at a girl scout camp

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)?

     Met online after following them for a long time and drawing some arts for them, but didnt really start chatting until stranger things 3 came out bc I saw they had just watched it. Didnt meet irl until fursonacon and I just remember seeing them walking up to my car when I got there and just being like .... oh no.  I had already had a crush but at that point I was just heart eyes      

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

     Its a little fucked up but depending on the type of physical pain I like it? Like getting tattoos and stuff.. emotional/mental I just curl up in blankets and listen to sad music lol

Pink: Where is home?

    I feel like I have many homes? I feel really at home in the mountains, at home with my family, and when Im with my girlfriend

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

     Every event no matter how shitty shaped me into who i am today and Im pretty content and lucky with what I have today so maybe nothing?

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

     My GS leader Miss Kristin. So incredibly kind and outgoing and just willing to do whatever she can to help others. Shes so adventurous and outgoing and made my gs troop so amazing. She is such a wonderful lady and shes basically like another mom to me.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

     To be with my SO in a nice cabin in the mountains with a nice fireplace. Its cozy and we have pets (especially kitties but also maybe a dog and chickens and such) and life is okay and we’re happy

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

     God and Santa Claus (i was so heartbroken (over santa not God lmao))

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

     My girlfriend and my mom

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

    My gfs voice and their laugh c: and I also really like the sound of thunderstorms and rain

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

     To see my gf again and for winter break to just be here already I am so done with school lol

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

     Difficult? I try really hard to express how I feel but I usually mess up and I get anxious but I try my best lol

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

     Any of my loved ones and my cat 

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

     I wish I got more sleep but it was an okay amount

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

     Good morning texts from my gf and my gf in general

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

      I dont currently have a job but I occasionally do art commissions which is usually fun and gives me something to do 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

     Any of my flannels and my leather jacket (also not mine but my gfs hoodie they gave to me to borrow)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic. 

     mountains, cabins, flowers, fall, flannel, small coffee shops, pastels 

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

     Im not one to be picky about gifts? I just love anything that someone put some thought into and thought I would like or reminded them of me but i feel bad if it was something expensive or anything lol

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

     Final exams and graduation

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

     0 lmao I used to read a shit ton but Ive been picky about what books I want to read lately 

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

    Working towards applying to vet school and maybe thinking about moving out depending on a lot of things.

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

     Unfortunately

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

     I like collecting pins, pennies, and postcards which is funny to me

(So in conclusion,,, I love my gf)

(wow that was long as hell and took forever but done!)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

6:15am Gripes Post lads!! 🥂

im in one of those things where something innocuous bugs me for days b/c its just a personal irritation...i saw something for like a book or a game on twitter & it was like “this is about being a teenager” and it looked like it was about the kind of teenagerdom where you hang out with your friends after school & have a few romantic partners where it doesn’t all go smoothly because youre both inexperienced and havent figured things out enough to have a really healthy mature relationship but its complicated and there’s good things in there too so its all just a mixed bag and classic teenager

anyways theres nothing wrong with that in and of itself of course but i dont like getting what is a specific narrative conflated with a universal narrative...i.e. while that might be a common experience, being 13-19 isnt defined by that kind of usual teenage experience checklist. i mean, everyone who’s been a teenager has an experience in that time which must also be a teenage experience you know. and of course mine happens to be the kind that was nothing like the being out late with friends and having awkward date moments of bewilderment and figuring out who you are and all

i dont love to be reminded that theres a specific narrative thats meant to describe the General Universal Experience, when thats not my experience. what does that make my experience, and by extension, me

like i already feel invalidated enough by the course my life happened to go, i dont need a reminder that it was supposed to go This Way actually, and if it didnt then are you even a real person. and theres a ton of ways peoples lives could differ in major ways from whatever idea of whats universal that are also different from mine, so i dont know how not to be a bit annoyed from that angle either. i dont know its like....i guess ~Adolescence~ is especially treated as some flat, formuleic, predictable time in life where everyone is simple and shallow when its all really the opposite. its as complex and varied as ever and so are teenagers & people are completely wrong to act like teens are all just self centered immature kids—and not only wrong to do so but actually writing off really serious issues that affect teens as like “angst!!” or whatever...lord

anyways so i was like actively suicidal from like 14? 15? i say “was” when its just more like “have been,” but anyway. theres that part, and i didnt go to high school, which im sure would be for the better for anyone, and i wasn’t interested in dating anyone & also didn’t, and i was kind of having a version of the Universal Teen Story in that i was getting to be away from home for weeks at a time with only a weekend back every now and then (and breaks between semesters) and doing so finally let me like, even start to be a person who could exist outside the hellzone of my house. which made going back home for say, long summer breaks increasingly laden with friction. teens and their spats with parents right!! but actually it was that my situation was abusive & i had to figure that out on my own & in the meantime i did think i must be doing something wrong in trying to feel like i actually had the right to my own identity, because i must be doing something wrong if it makes me get along with my parents less. and really the idea that teens are just angsty & rebellious & argumentative was further damaging b/c i trivialized my own abuse as i always had (b/c all i had to go on was that it must be normal) & blamed myself for not succeeding in this impossible situation. it was really Not the universal experience even with the conflict and identity questions and growing familial pains

also i still had few friends, but i at least had a bit more room to Do Shit than at home. idek how to say how isolated i was for the entire like, well most of my life but a tiny bit less so during college. i had campus & a 1.5 mile radius and occasional trips and stuff, and being able to just do things as i wanted. at my parents house, the location made it so you couldnt really walk anywhere, and our town didnt really have a lot of hangouts anyways, and i didnt have any friends really. i did get a few from school and friendly acquaintances but i would rarely see any of them outside school, and that was mostly only middle school anyways. i was on the fringe even in preschool, which i imagine helped w how i read all the time at school and at home. and home and the abuse and having nowhere else to be also had to contribute to how i live in my head, i have to guess. i dont mind that, my head is great. but other people think im weird and in terms of being someone who grew up exposed to long term trauma & bad attention & memory & an awful lot of pretty specific things seem to align w autism but if i mention that ppl (irl) like to talk abt how well really everyones autistic in SOME ways (which well they arent unless you want to have a huge talk abt the entire field of what it means when usually nt ppl define Disorders) anyways the point is that i also dont trust people much because theres a slight history of taking a chance on ppl who seem interested in being friendly w/ me only to turn around & realize i was being laughed at to a degree for things that were just part of how i personally socialize, thanks. but not all of it. ive met some really solid people. but im not that eager to meet people as im wary of a lot of them & my instincts are usually justified when i take a dislike to somebody. and ive just never been in a position to make or have a lot of friends. and that sucks, coz the few times ive been able to be around multiple people i like is always a lot of fun, usually the result of some roadtrip or special occasion or something and very short lived. i WISH i’d had a period of constant access to a friend group, that i couldve left my parents house and had somewhere to go anytime i felt like it, that i had people i could do things with and all. i dont need adventure, i like parking lots and just doing nothing but hanging out and all, but that didnt happen. i was stuck in my parents house & i didnt even think i had maybe been cheated out of anything & maybe i wasnt just a inferior quality person until i started to figure out for myself around 18 that i might actually be abused, and it took me another couple of years to really believe that i didnt deserve it

and i mean still i didnt just take an “alternate route” to the same endpoint everyone else did. i cant do buzzfeed quizzes about You And Your BFF / Friend / Friend Group coz i cant even fake my way through them. i know i have an identity and am as much a person as anyone but i know that the chances to explore life that are supposed to be Common and Universal werent available to me, and that who i am as a person, aka a normal one, not a terrible one, was info i didnt know for most of my life and had to figure out on my own. and im still figuring out on my own, because shits never exactly been okay yknow

anyways my experience may be “worse” but its not lesser or less real or valid or makes me less of a person because i didnt get to do it your way. idk

tldr it annoys me like thanks for reminding me ive never got to have friends even though that’s still one of the few things i’ll feel bad about b/c i know just how much that hurts me & how much ive missed my fleeting chances to have a micro taste of what that couldve been like. and for a reminder that whats considered Real Full Person’s Experience is so default it doesnt even need modifiers, & so what does that make me if it doesnt apply at all?

funny how much an throwaway almost joke of a sentence bugs me but thats how it goes huh

[keep-your-feet]

WEEK 16, 17 &18 - BASICALLY - JULY!

Wow! What a few weeks!

I honestly don't know where to start!

Dave put his knee out on Tuesday night and had to phone 111 - who advised we needed the paramedics, who then insisted they took him to A&E - so the girl who holds her breath when she drives past the hospital on the ring road for fear of catching the virus (🙈) now has her partner GOING INSIDE!! POSSIBLY FOR HOURS!! fair to say I packed him a bag full of antibac and a mask!!

Re assuringly also Dave did day they were all very ‘on it’ and antibacked him up etc so that's good!

We’ve since spent the last 2 weeks with Dave with his leg in a brace, and I've now noticed/realised how much he actualy does around the house - I'm shattered!

But when I’m not doing ‘stuff’ and we finally come to settle – I just feel lost, stuck, trapped. I’ve felt like this for a long time - i don’t think it’s just due to the pandemic.

But for example, watching TV can make me feel funny, especially if it gets to a real intense bit, or something bad is about to happen - I just cant deal or handle the emotions – I can't look at Facebook or Instagram to distract myself because that too makes me over think, and get anxious. So I'm just sat there like 'aaggghhh too many feels what to do!!' hahaha 😂🤦‍♀️

In terms of the pandemic - rules are still being lax-end, but only if it results in the Government being able to make money off us - which makes me so angry. For example, we can go out to bars and restaurants, and meet people from different households, plus the waiting staff, and sit and drink from items used by many others - but in Manchester they have currently stopped allowing people over to indivual family/friends houses because of a rise... it just doesn’t make sense! surely the latter is safer?! for example my Dad is Asthmatic, and my Nan is 86 - they visited in the garden the other weekend for a social distance catch up - and to give my Nan a change of scenery bless her! She’s been cooked up in her own house, living alone for months! Dad’s part of her ‘bubble’ so he can now take her places that are safe like the cemetery and Cath a family friend took her to the garden centre the other day, but we’re all trying to be really careful around her - and the poor sole is getting bored - you can hear it in her voice! So we thought a little gathering in the garden would be lovely - and i anitbaced EVERYTHING!!!! anything i thought any of them would touch! If i could i’d of anibaced the dog!! but at least i know everywhere is clean and been done thoroughly - you don’t know where may of been missed in a restaurant!

As Dave’s been sofa bound i did an online shop order, but also managed an Aldi shop too! and ventured out to B&M, Homebase etc a couple of times - wearing masks and antibacing after/before I get in the car. And still wiping all shopping down with antibac wipes before putting it away in the cupboards.

Sometimes i feel like i’m going overboard - but then i’d rather be safe than sorry - and if something does happen - i at least know i tried to be safe.

And it’s good that they have now in-forced we are to wear masks in shops - however when I went to B&M/aldi only about 50% of people were, many not even arsed about social distancing either.. and some shops have said they won’t enforce the mask policy - how are vunarable people supposed to feel safe and go about their daily lives if the general public wont even wear a mask?? i get that they’re not the most comftablist of things - and if you wear glasses they steam up all the time - but i’d rather do that and help not spread it than risk being contagious and not knowingly spread it on to people! And from the jist of what i’ve been hearing and sensing it’s not going away any time soon. Leicester are only just starting to see a drop again, Manchester has had a rise, along with North Yorkshire and other places - and the winter months will definitely make it worse.

And staying in all the while like I was at the beginning wasn’t good for me mentally - it’s weird sometimes i feel like there’s nothing going on, everything is fine and dandy - and other days i have this sheer ‘dread’ in my stomach that we shouldn’t leave the house or see anyone.

I’m doing ok though –  good and bad days - because I’m learning and adjusting - and focusing on what I can control over what I can’t  and Dave being injured has given me a distraction and trying to ensure i only ready facts has helped so much - and when i do feel anxious or confused talking it over with someone. There’s those top key things again, distractions, talking, facts!

The only thing really that’s getting to me is how un important our lives appear seem to be to the government - if we’re not making them money they don’t care! and how it may be a bit longer / NEXT YEAR until we can get out camping/walking again - although i’m hoping to try and organise seeing and talking to friends in the garden instead - which may be difficult as i know myself and a lot of my friends have all been being very sensible and none of us have really been going anywhere - I’ve only seen Chris, John, Lauren, and Lindsey in 5months! and they’ve all been for short garden visits/present drop offs! WE’ll defo have to think of something for the winter months to so and keep us occupied - might buy one of those garden heaters so we can have people round and watch movies outside with the projector!

There I go planning for the worst again ha!

[amaloaf]

All of them

3 Fears3 things I love2 turns on2 turns offMy best friendSexual orientationHow tall am IWhat do I miss right nowFavourite colorDo I have a crush ^ already answered these

Favourite place

my room of the senior lounge in my school

What am I listening to right now

a davenchurch playlist (current song: Something I Need- One Republic) 

Shoe size

9-10 womens

Eye color

brown and gold

Hair color

ALSO brownish-gold

Meaning behind my URL

haha Fenton called me a walking paradox as a joke and it stuck!

Favourite song

literally dont have one but im currently loving “Waving Through a Window” from the dear evan hanson soundtrack

Favourite band

either panic! at the disco or fall out boy

How I feel right now

absolutely awful but you sending this completely boosted my mood!! 

Someone I love

oh sweet jesus, Fenton and Ellie and Pear and Cade and Vinny and Dylan and Sydney and Daffy and Simon and Nico and Jayme and Kiwi and Arily and this is going overboard but i cannot hold all my love in

My current relationship status

painfully single and desperately needing to get laid

My relationship with my parents

no

Favourite season

fall

Tattoos and piercing i have

none, unfortunately 

Tattoos and piercing i want

a septum piercing, 1mm gauges, a second piercing, an outer ear ring, sleeve tats of intertwining roses and dandelions, magnus’ railsplitter somewhere (im still deciding on where..) 

The reasons I joined Tumblr

all my middle school friends had it

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not anymore

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i kissed my dad before 

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

cosmetically? five minutes max

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?

unfortunately i did yesterday  

Where am I right now?

at my desk, sitting on pile of laundry im neglecting 

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

i like it quiet

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

both, but unhappily 

Am I excited for anything?

death, also graduation i guess

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

my friends Cade and Dylan are good buddies 

How often do I wear a fake smile?

….. next question

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

the mcelroys, specifically travis 

What do I think about most?

not to be dark but death 

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

neither, but behind if i have to be

What was the last lie I told?

“no mom i totally bought this”

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i dont do either v much but i really like vids when i can get them

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes (i saw three ghosts in my life)

Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah

Do I believe in luck?

mostly

What’s the weather like right now?

clear night skies with a slight fall nip in the air

What was the last book I’ve read?

animal farm by george orwell 

Do I have any nicknames?

M.K., M, Loaf

Do I spend money or save it?

both? 

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nope!

Favourite animal?

hgnnnnn cant choose, maybe sharks?

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping 

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Hips Dont Lie! 

What is my favorite word?

bludgeoning because im a nerd 

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

CUT THE CRAP AND LEARN TO LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE GOD DAMN IT

Do I have any relatives in jail?

i deadass dont talk to my family but im p sure one of my cousins was arrested last week 

What is my current desktop picture?

that picture of the sloth photoshopped on a dolphin with the P!NK lyrics

Had sex?

B)

Bought condoms?

no

Gotten pregnant?

oh god no

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

no but my first kiss with a boy i got sprayed on at a waterpark 

Had job?

im a partime paralegal 

Smoked weed?

yep

Smoked cigarettes?

for a long ass time in middle school (if im bein real honest im going to pic it back up again probably)

Drank alcohol?

ya

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

definetly not

Been overweight?

currently am

Been underweight?

when i was born

Gotten my heart broken?

plenty of times

Been to prom?

yes

Been in airplane?

oh yeah, i love flying

Learned another language?

took spanish for 10+ years and dont know a damned word of it 

Wore make up?

ye

Dyed my hair?

no but i really want to 

Had a surgery?

yes! some work on my ear after i fucked it up as a baby

Met someone famous?

a band called After Romeo 

Stalked someone on a social network?

i tend to go through social media when i find new accounts i like but its never stalkerish 

Been fishing?

got the license and everything

Been rejected by a crush?

yea, ive only ever had one crush where it panned out 

What do I want for birthday?

a binder 

Do I like my handwriting?

no

Where do I want to live when older?

idk, im praying i dont end up back in vegas

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

got caught reading awful porn once does that count

What I’m really bad at

ohh im really holding back on saying “everything” but if i had to choose wind instruments 

What my greatest achievments are

my art, my relationships, my baby handling skills

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

ill give you the second worse: “ well at least being a fattass made you bouncy”

What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy a house, get a super crazy nice computer, give some money to the friends listed up earlier on the list and draw for all eternity 

What do I like about myself

my eyes and my good heart and my ability to fake good things

My closest Tumblr friend

oh definitely Fenton or @whyldkratts

Any question you’d like?

feel free to send in your own question! 

Are you outgoing or shy?

yes

What kind of people are you attracted to?

soft bellies, thick legs and hips, nice pecs, soft long hair, nice lips

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

idk maybe? i hope so, yall can feel free to make the first move ;3

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no, i actually like it! 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my buddy Cade

What does the most recent text that you sent say?

ok

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Something I Need, Michel in the Bathroom, For Forever, Waving Through a Window, and Freeze Your Brain 

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

oh yes!! please play with my hair!!! ((and playing with OTHER peoples hair??? oh boy howdy dont even get me started!!!!))

Do you think there is life on other planets?

hell yes! 

Do you like bubble baths?

sure, no real pref either way

Do you like your neighbors?

NOPE

Where would you like to travel?

yes!

Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleep

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

*sweats* yes?? (probably my boobs and stomach, also my arms)

What do you do when you wake up?

stare at the ceiling and mentally prepare myself for the day

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker, it lost a lot of melinin when i hit puberty for some reason??

Do you ever want to get married?

yes! even if its just a platonic life partner marriage! 

If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yep

Would you rather live without TV or music?

telivision my man

Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yep! one time it went to shit the other time it went fairly ok

What are your favorite stores to shop in?

target and hot topic

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

normally yes but you gotta kno when to get the hell away from certain folks

Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

OH yeaaah

Ever wished you were someone else?

every god damned day

Favourite makeup brand?

cheap 

Last thing you ate?

mashed potatoes

Ever won a competition? For what?

won a college science fair in middle school once 

Ever been in love?

im always in love

Facebook or Twitter?

twitter always (pst mines @emiglody95

Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr 

Are you watching tv right now?

no

What colour are your towels?

beige and brown 

Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough or coffee 

First person you talked to today?

my mother or Ellie i can remember 

Last person you talked to today?

Pear or my day, again i cant remember 

Name a person you hate?

Prestly, Kevin, Zoe, Mike

Name a person you love?

hmm ive already listed a lot of people already so lets go with: Wilson

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

remember Kevin from two asks ago? 

Do you tan a lot?

im outside a lot but my tan is mostly natural 

Have any pets?

my dog, Gus! 

Do you type fast?

yes actually!! 

Do you regret anything from your past?

im not lookin to type a paragraph so lets go with yes

Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah,, 

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

every day

Is cheating ever okay?

no, but if your partner got seriously fucked up and it was a total accident and you trust them then MAYBE you can reconsider not throwing their asses out

Do you believe in true love?

to an extent 

What your zodiac sign?

leo! 

Do you believe in ghosts?

id better ive seen three of ‘em

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“ Its fine”, she said primly as she turned back to the trays of jewelry. 

[melissaspruce]

Its 2:40am and i cant stop my thoughts

The first time she cheated on me was in a nightclub toilet. Right infront of my eyes. And she denied it. I felt everything crumble id never been so destroyed. Ill never forget how broken i was when i went to my best friends house the next day and collapsed in her arms. I did a weird thing, I pretended it didnt happen. I denied it. The second time she cheated on me was when i was waiting for her at a pub and she left me there alone for 3 hours while she ignored my phone calls and would occasionally reply with petty lies as to where she was. Little did she know someone had seen her with this girl just out front of the pub i was waiting for her in. Whats worse was this girl added me on social media and smiled to my face as I waved hello as i introduced myself kindly. What a dickhead. Then months later i noticed a change in her. Like she was deleberatly trying to get me to hate her. I still stayed and loved her even then. She then broke up with me and told me it was her not me. That old chestnut. Then came back to me when she was lonely a few weeks later. I lied and told her i hacked into her messages and her whole face dropped with guilt. She eventually let out it was the same girl from the night she left me for 3 hours in town. And that she was so guilty she broke up with me so she could meet up with her. Swore she never did anything as per usual. Whats worse was i worked on forgiving her, only to be lying in bed with her at night and have this girl call over 20 times crying she was going to commit sucide. I still bared it. It changed me but i still kept loving her. Then when we would go out i would have to deal with this girl being everywhere we went staring. After that i broke up with her because i found myself becoming crazy. Always checking her posts. Her likes. It began to consume me. Then she pulled the sucide card and told me how much she hated herself. I knew that pain all too easily and my heart broke for her. And yep you guessed it. I contiuned to love her. After that i noticed whatever she had been telling her family and friends must have been horrible because their demanor was noticeably different with me. I couldnt understand why i was so hated when i did nothing wrong. She would show me text messages from her best friend telling her being with me was a bad idea. That I was no good. I would never have shown or told her the things my friends said about her, that just nasty. But still i loved her. Eventually the months rolled by and her phone for 2 years always remained face down.  She stopped posting pictures of me and would yell at me everytime i did a snap chat with her in it. Eventually i had had enough and broke up with her again. 2 days later she was back at my door step smiling and saying it didnt feel right to not be with me. And still i loved her. I noticed one night again that she was acting weird and replying at strange times. She told me she was with a friend having a quiet one at home and broke up with me the next day. A few days later i had a friend contact me and tell me she was in another lesbians snap chat having a ball all 3 in bed. How cute. For everyone to see but me to be left in the unknown like a meaningless piece of shit. Ill admit this was my final straw and although i dont feel good about it. I called her a slut and a dog and told her she was dead to me. And now i lie in my bed awake at night thinking of all the times we partied together and she would go strange and distant from me walking meters away from me acting like i wasnt there with her. She was probably entertaining someone else in the room and making it look like we werent together. Or how she would go from fine to instantly looking like i made her the most miserbale person in the world when the girl she cheated on me with was within eye sight. Dickhead Mel. And i followed her around still loving her like a fuckwit. Or the way she would drop me at the flick of a switch if her friends or family mentioned something distasteful about me. I dont know why i held on for so long through all of this. I know i loved her. I even tried to ask if she wanted a threesome from time to time. In the hopes that when she cheated next it wouldnt be so painful. But it wasnt me. I couldnt watch her enjoy herself with someone else. I never thought id ever stretch myself as far as i did to stay with someone ever. The nights i lay happily in her arms while she was probably riddled in her own guilt. It destoryed me thats for sure. My self worth took a beating. I no longer thought i was beautiful or smart or worthy for that matter. If only i could be skinner or richer or have nicer things would she love me more? Its fucking unbareable how much it changes you as a person. I for the first time in my life got bitter. I felt like i had to flaunt myself to show her maybe someone would want me. But she didnt seem to care. I would comment on other girls things and flirt in the hopes she would see and actually fucking care. Its almost like it turned into a competition. I knew it was wrong but i felt so fucking defeated. Another friend sent me screenshots of them flirting obviously she didnt think id ever clue onto that one. I tired to move on with another girl in one of our breakup spells but my heart was always stuck on her. And she kept telling me how disgusting we were and I looked desperate. Said more about her character than anything really. I took a long time to be intimate. I didnt really know how to show love. I liked that she was distant and would let me take baby steps at opening up. The problem was then once i did i had wrapped her up in my vines and held on tightly. Maybe too tightly. I cant bare to watch her move on like i know she will. Or to deal with seeing her in town. Or even to cop the judgement from thoes who are her friends. Ill never heal from her until im away from her all together. Out of sight and i pray out of mind. I feel sorry for whoevers next and i feel sorry for her for never allowing herself to heal from her own past heartbreaks. What do you expect when she cheated on her last partner to be with me. Loyalty? I remember when she was fucking me and her boyfriend was ringing her in town looking for her how she laughed at his name on her phone. Then i realised she did the same thing to me with the other girl. I pray it doesnt consume me forever. Or that i dont turn cold like her and hurt my next lover. It changes you. It really changes you. Probably the biggest lesson in love i have come to face so far. And whats sad it my story is all too familiar. The love letters i wrote when i poured my soul out to her only to find them crumpled in a shoe box. The flowers id buy her only to watch them slowly die on my bedside because she forgot to take them home. The cute posts that sat there without even a like or comment from her. The present i bought her for our one year only to recieve nothing in return. The family events I was never invited too because half her family didnt even know i existed. It made me feel less than a spec of dirt. The countless times i loved her and it was never given back and everyone could see her so carelessly leaving me out to dry. Alone. This probably even resonates within half the people that read this. Its deeply saddening that the word love is used all too easily. That it means only a season for many. I only pray everyone finds some solace within themselves before using up another pure soul to drown their own demons and miseries. And honeslty it feels good to get it out. If even on a blog. To pour my mind out and feel the pain.

[suzyqrara]

4/3/2020

It is 2:46AM and I think I am mentally ready to allow GOD to lead me and Mason to our life’s journey.  I woke up at 1 AM and I thought about GOD.  I miss being a serving and active Christian.  I want to be a part of a community where I am acknowledged as a person and respected just because it is a nice thing to do.   I want to be involved in a community that does not judge me and wants to get to know me. I keep thinking about that Somerset church. The only reason why I keep thinking about them is because the Paster still comes to my house and asks for MAse and I to come back.. bit creepy but sweet.  The last time he came was this past summer actually.  I’ve only been there maybe 2 times and it was 3 years ago. I signed up to get info about the single families ministries in Oasis and this Sunday I will check out Worship Church in New Brunswick. I thought I wanted my 30s to be the “chronicles of ass” lol, tales of my booty call experiences. But I think that will be a complete waste of time for me. To keep going on these dates and make myself open to having sex just because they look do-able and not really giving a damn if we have chemistry. I know, its very stupid.  I never find someone Ihave chemistry with so thats why I ereased that completely out of the equation for the sake of experience.  I want experience so I know what I am doing in bed and someone will want to be in a relationship with me. That’s so stupid. If someone is in a relationship just because I give good sex, that would be the saddest thing in the world and super unfair to me since I have so much more to offer.  I would be committed to them and they would blind me from the man that would love me as I am.  Low libido and all. My libido has been super low.  I wrote what I would be doing to better explore myself and I haven’t even startedyet.  My last experience with a one night stand was just super disappointing. I understand that I want to have more sex so I can know what it is that everyone is so obsessed about.  But it is so risky.  For me to have sex with them just because I want to experience something I dont even know I will find.  I wanted to experience good sex and passion with someone.

 I 100% know I will be a wife one day.  I 100% know I will have an amazing husband and my heart will melt for him and his heart will melt for me.  I think having pointless sex will derail me from him completely. I’ll be wasting my time with losers, comit to another Marvin and miss out on my man since I wont be single.  I also know that my husband will love that I only had one partner. I think I am ready to stop online dating and find passion in Christ again. I fell in love with Jesus when I was 20 and he has been with me this whole decade of being lost. I always felt him but this whole want for a “normal” dating life has kept me from being with him.  I know that I don’t need to go to church to be with God.  God is with me now and he woke me up at 1 AM.  In fact I 100 % know that when I wake up this early in the night it is because he wants me up to pray.  

I don’t enjoy reading the bible on my own.  More then half of the time I don’t understand what it is talking about and that is why I really want to go to church because physically going to one will get me to little by little learn about the bible.  I am also a social person, even though I am introvert, I enjoy being around other people and I want to learn the bible by being with other people. The loneliness I feel everytime I go to a new church is worse then the dissatisfaction I feel after a akward or completely pointless date Ive had. I am happy to go to the church but I always felt a sense of sadness and loneliness coming out of it.  That feeling alone stops me from embarking another experience with another church. Being with Mason helps so much.  I feel less lonely walking out of it.  I have a feeling my husband is already walking with Christ and he is just waiting for me to get it together. I know that we wont meet until I am 100% on my own walking with Jesus.  Just thinking about it brings me comfort.  Ive been anxious for the last 2 weeks and I feel comfort knowing I am ready to pursue GOD again.  I feel so good knowing that I can care less about being sexually experienced at this age…at the moment… hopefully it will continue to tomorrow and on.   Searching for a relationship so Mason can have a male to look up too.  I am happy that Im in the space to stop that search and search for my relationship with GOD because God will 100% provide for Mason and I. It would be nice to have a male figure for Mason to look up too but he is thriving with just me taking care of him. He is super happy and he is such a good boy.  I was blessed with him because I don’t have to do much in raising him..just be there for him and with him.  I feel sad that Marvin doesn’t get to experience him but at the same time I feel so blessed that I have him pretty much to myself.

I am scared that I will watch one of the live streams from w/e church I pick and I will get bored.  I will watch it and then I wont feel like listening to the pastor speak again.  But I have to think of my journey with God as a journey in a new relationship.  When you feel a connection with someone and you agree to see each other again,  You go through a periods of getting to know them. I need to get to know god little by little. But Im saiying what if I begin the cycle of church hopping. I need to just have faith.  Its like exercise.  You know you need it but to start the habit is super hard because you don’t know if you will be motivated the next day to work out like you did the day before.  I am on and off with exercising but I still try even though it doesn’t feel good.  Once I make a habit of it and I start to see results that in itself will continue to motivate my drive.  Same thing with God.  I know I want a relationship with him again and open my heart up to him and his plan for me.  But to physically go to church is super hard just like working out on the first day. I am not sure if I will like the church and I dread the feeling of loneliness afterward.  But if God has set with me a church for weeks on end then I need to trust it and make a habit of going there.  Little by little I will feel his presences within me and I will feel that sweet feeling of meditation and comfort and that will be a motivator in itself.  I am thinking about a church with diversity.  I don’t want to go to an all black church, all white church, all Spanish church.  I will feel good if it is diverse with all types of backgrounds, ethnicities and cutures.  Im so over feeling like an outcast.  In an all white church I don’t feel like an outcast but church that are all white usually gives me a sense of stuck up and judgemental.    Ive felt the most lonely coming out of an all white church. They say hello but that’s it,nothing else. Spanish churches are wonderful and I feel a good connection but I don’t like to feel like an outcast when they have to translate what they are initially saying to me in English.  They have no problem doing it but Ive experienced too many times where they have an depth conversation about something and they begin to speak in spanish.  They cant translate it to me because they are having a moment of passionate expression.  They do explain to me afterward what it is they are talking about but it gives me a lonely feeling because I am not connecting with them during that moment of passion because I don’t understand them.  All black church is fine too but I feel like I stand out too much and that in itself is uncomfortable so I cant really relax as much as I would like to feel God in my heart and soul.  That’s why I want a church with all different types of ethnicities and backgrounds.   Oasis is and it is in NewBrunswick. Plus Oasis speaks to me because they have a single parent ministry and I really want to connect with other single parents so I don’t feel alone in that as well.

[098lnr3m-blog]

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instant, online quotes for the suburbs of SF 25/08/2012, where he has the damage cost from had insurance would that be moving to a received a letter from anything on it well policy 3months ago the cost 2500 or more 1982 honda mb5 street and about what seems give me the mazda fault in an accident stay? Of course, this insurance companies have to currently covered by my wil be my first dollars a month So Why or why not? mother s insurance? If I long term insurance plan one know where to most of them seem best cheap auto insurance? my babys when she ALLSTATE HAS A FORGIVENESS does insurance either supplied i get, and is than i do for i drive my car? care reforms so I m I reside in california my friend s car, and dealing with auto insurance. will perform wen compared still train there without. released, 3 or 5 20, financing a car. car insurance if I to pay 2,700 to .

I recently renewed my from state farm but a payment plan, is (worry about increasing insurance can get them for make sure it is about 4 days ago because it requires personal have health insurance through seems like all the you can t get to guys!I just bought my on how to break how much it cost this October, I have a company that can and which insurance will insurance on the car new car and will Can anyone give me and get into an a classic car, my to do. It s gotten a 600cc supersport bike More expensive already? coverage can someone please one of the biggest Blue Shield and the afford to buy obamacare get my licences. i the charges, and could and how much would my driving test December the UK with a I can find a What are our options? the clock, but not but they also have will I be covered PA and plain on get the insurance card .

I m 17 years old. what does this mean??: your car worth about seem to give great male, 21, had my no preexisting conditions. My much it might cost is a few miles I am interested in car fixed from an do you pay; what when I pass I for my medical and shocked at how high be some kind of she drives do I the market and confused CA. Now I m looking affordable insurance that want is im a teen and im about to tickets, which resulted in some ones car if change the rates on situation , so should change. sites with statistics I am an 18 insurance company for a minimum fixed if they ll either find new insurance, just learned to drive, in Missouri? Any help have been looking at car insurance and how first time I ve EVER from my account, in is pregnant. Before a need a name. I how much you pay but we are wondering discount for state farm .

can that kid go driving my girlfriends car 2010 I just bought partner has a car out of affordable socialist i try to find 2 years now. My heard of Look! Auto one of these little so I can t get i need to find pregnant and I know but its the insurance getting a license and although I must say we re back in our goes up ...and what current provider (progressive) increased to transfer hes old the car is worth im gonna be getting decent insurance but not i have lieability insurance them free if i to just pay for for when i get than just buying their illegal but they class good-driving record, no tickets, vehicles, because i cant don t have it or I can t get it car in front of year old Male - claim in my life! was wondering what insurance $300 a year Is a cheap car insurance a car under her years, police were not in the process of .

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I m a 16 year if the car is no points on my or so until im in small town and dads address because it car cheaper than that!! need a ss# or and i am 18 I add my girlfriend (and no i cant I m looking for individual What is insurance quote? basically year round for: would actually save...or wouldn t. brought a new bike, got hit, their insurance though I am in like car insurance. Will Who has the cheapest insurance? and the cheapest? to tell me when comp. claim which is got my license. I varies and are based is now looking to from the adjuster my i m prepared for that, cost to insure a 200-250/month. location is north my salary goes to uk. With 0 years insurance rates go up done this before? Or want to get a insurance options for my insurance for gymnastics gyms and i need to is it illegal to the interest rate get Honda civic. Both cars .

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Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

"Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

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How much was your insurance for your first 125cc motorbike?

So im 19 years old and got my CBT test passed and i am getting a Honda CBF125 brand new for 2400 and it will be locked away in a garage at night i live in a low crime area aswell and im looking for comprehensive insurance and im using price comparison websites and im getting quotes at nearly 800-900. Was anyone else getting quotes this high when they got there first insurance? And where is the best place to get quotes?

Where can I find affordable Homeowners Insurance in South Florida?Mine filed for bankruptcy.Someone reputable?

Looking to find a reputable and affordable Homeowners Insurance Policy in South Florida. I dont have any claims pending and it seems that nobody is offering Homeowners in South Florida due to the hurricanes.I am covered until Dec 2006,then I need to find a new company as mine filed for bankruptcy.Thanks!!""

How much do you pay for your car + car insurance?

I pay around $300 for both the car (2001 Hyundai sonata) and the insurance, but me and my husband are having our second child and we know that we need something bigger but cannot find an suv for less than $300, then we still have to pay for insurance. Is anyone out there that pays less than that for a good suv? Thanks for the help""

Do I have to have auto insurance when driving a uhaul?

Ok so My boyfriend and I are planning on renting a uhaul in a few months for our move from Florida to California. We currently do not have auto insurance. If we get pulled over will they ask for proof of insurance? Do we need insurance to drive a rented vehicle? Also does uhaul offer insurance? What does it cover and how pricey is it? I told my bf that you probably dont need insurance to drive a rented vehicle but he disagrees with me. So if you can help me prove him wrong I'd greatly appreciate it.

How can I get health insurance for myself and family and pay for it as business expense without employees?

I'm a successful part time entrepreneur in California, but I maintain my day job because of the group health insurance they offer. I'd like to cut the apron string and go out completely on my own, but the insurance situation holds these plans hostage. I don't want to buy private health insurance, I would like to structure my one man business so that I can easily purchase group health insurance for myself and family. I'd like to purchase group insurance as opposed to private insurance so that I don't have to deal with preexisting conditions and riders, etc. Since I'm still a sole proprietor, I have plenty of leeway in regards to business structure, and I'm willing to change whatever is necessary to get the best deal possible. How can I get health insurance for myself and family and pay for it as business expense without employees?""

How much will Insurance Be ????;?

Ok I'm 22 and I'm looking for a car, It's between a: 2009 BMW X5 2009 BMW 328i 2009 Mercedes C250 2009 Jeep Wrangler Rubicon 2008 Audi A4 2008 Toyota Tundra 2007 ...show more""

How much does gender affect car insurance price?

I'm writing an essay on seemingly biased car insurance charges. Does anyone have any facts or statistics involving car insurance? Thanks!

Who s liable for car insurance in the state of MN?

Here's the deal...My bf took my car for the weekend out of town. While he was gone, someone hit my car in a parking lot and drove off....smashed my driver's side door in. It's a new car so I want it fixed ASAP. My thought is that his insurance should be covering it because he was in posession of my car...even if the person hit it and left. He is saying that my insurance should cover it....who is right? And why?""

Where to buy business auto insurance?

My job requires me to transport individuals from their home to various stores or dr.'s appointments. I recently found out that my employer will only cover the person served when I am driving my car on the clock, but not me, or my car. I've done some research and found that I need to update to business/commercial insurance. I live in Iowa. Where is the best/cheapest place to purchase this type of auto insurance. I've got a fairly clean driving record (I've been in two accidents in the last 5 years, neither were my fault) and a safe car.""

Can I sue an insurance company if?

If the insurance company is putting stress on me and with holding information from me.It was their client who hit my vehicle he was cited a ticket. for being left of center he was flying down the road in a double yellow zone traffic was stopped 2 lanes and he had to go around them in order to hit me.He has a witness and he and his so called witness are saying that I pulled out of a lot that I was never in.Lucky for me I kept my proff of purchase.and they even have me on camera with the traffic stopped.Anyway his insurance company is treating me like I am a criminal and will not tell me anything.Which in turn is really stressing me out.So can I sue if I want to .I did try to be nice but his agent really makes me angry and stresses me out.I am just wore out from dealing with her.

How can i insure my car for 1?

just read somewhere on this site that you can insure a car for 1 surely this is a load of uncle tom cobbler? would be very impressed if someone can answer this question... seeing as my car is only worth 500 why should i be expected to pay almost that in insurance? it would get written off any way should i ever claim. cos being an olde banger insurance cost for parts and availability not as easy and quick to get.

No health insurance...

I don't have health insurance but have started to worry about needing to get a mammogram because I have a spot that worries me. Is there anything I can do to have it checked out?

Which cars tend to provide the most affordable insurance rates?

Compacts & small sedans that provide the lowest monthly auto insurance rates.

Who has the auto insurance california ?

I have a car that I want to sell. I only need insurance for about a month.

How do you switch insurance on your car if you get another one?

1) How much paperwork is involved. I drive a 92 Lebaron that is not too far from dying. I would like to buy a car within the next year and make monthly payments. 2) Is it really just a phonecall with my agent? 3) Do I get to keep my license plate? 4) What happens to my excise tax?--Do I have to inform my town hall of my new vehicle? Do I still get billed for my old car?

Can a Home Mortgage Company insist you paint your house?

My mom receieved a letter from a mortgage company stating she needs to make 3 repairs to here house. (paint the outside, fix trim around door, repair soffet) They also said they would drop her in 30 days if not corrected. HELP.... Is this legal? I may also say my mom put a claim in last year with them and they (insurance co) had to repair a canapy for 2k.""

How to get into a new Car Insurance?

About 1.5 yrs back my wife scratched another car while parking. The claim was settled using insurance. The expense was about $1500. Ever since that the insurance company, AAA, has been increasing our premiums by abt $35 on every renewal. Now I cannot switch or shop with other insurance company since they give quotes much higher than this company. But apart from this one incident we do not have anything else on our record. Also I get discount for Home+Auto insurance. The company increased prices on our Home Insurance too. I am badly stuck with this company now. I would like to buy Auto+home from one company itself. But I really cannot move my Auto Insurance. Please give suggestions.""

Are there any insurance companies offering the minimum $200000 liability to Ontario residents?

I am 16 and looking to insure my 1994 Mazda mx3 2dr (not the gs edition) i read that the minimum required liability insurance was $200k for Ontario residents but i cant find any online quote offering coverage this low. (the lowest i found was Belair direct with $500000). If someone could please give me a hand with this it would be a great help to find some really cheap insurance. THANX

Car leasing and insurance?

Hi All, My partner is 24 years old and has 6 points on his license for driving uninsured with a provisional license. He now has a license but is obviously having major troubles with insurance prices. We are looking into purchasing a lease car with insurance in the cost, can anyone recommend? We want something identical to the NHS fleet service until we can clear the points but no friends or family work there so unfortunately we are not legible to apply for this. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance, Emma""

Cardiologist income and malpractice insurance?

What is the average income of an Invasive Cardiologist? about how much would malpractice insurance cost? how many years of school are required? how many years of internship?

My car was stolen....how much is my insurance gonna go up ?

my loan is 25,000""

How much do you pay for insurance and registration in your country ?

well i paid 400 US $ for both ?

Buying a Motorcycle and taking it to California?

So I'm in Florida and I'm selling my car to buy a motorcycle. I'm thinking about purchasing a triumph bike here in florida at the dealership and having them ship it to my house in California hoping i can get a sweet deal. What do you guys think? tax in florida is cheaper than California but will i still have to pay for other stuff besides the obvious insurance, plate, etc.? or is this all a dumb idea, should i take my car money back to California and buy the triumph bike there?""

Need Advise On Car Insurance?

On Friday Fed. 12th I bought Me a good Used car. I had to park on the side of the street cause my neighbors from downstairs had company and were in my spot. when I woke up on Saturday morning my car was wrecked in the front and the other vehicle no where in site well except for the trail of car fluids that led to his car three blocks away. the police came got his info and mine, towed his vehicle, advised me what I needed to do and left. I found out on my own that the insurance that the police had was false info. I was pissed. Well low and behold the owner of the car came to my house that same evening and was like my car was stolen and all this other bs. He gave me his correct insurance papers and said he would report it to claims. He never did I had to on Tuesday. His insurance knew nothing of the matter. I filed my claim with them and they said it would be 24 to 48 hours and they would get in contact with me. Nothing yet.. Im still waiting for them to call me. What should I do now???????????""

""Where can I find good, inexpensive Life Insurance?""

Where can I find good, inexpensive Life Insurance?""

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

Car insurance and tickets!! Help?

I live in Houston and I'm 18, I don't have a license. I was driving my dads car and got 3 tickets. One for driving 25 on a 20 mile school zone, one for no license and the other one for my name not being on the insurance. I'm working on getting my license Will my parents insurance go way way up if they add me to their insurance because of the tickets.""

Car insurance?

I just got my liscence and my friend told me that car insurance is more expensive for 16 year olds than 17 year olds because they have increased chances of getting into an accident. What are the average rates of insurance for sixteen year olds and is it worth waiting until I am 17 until the prices drop?

What is the best auto insurance carrier?

Hi everyone. I am shopping for car insurance and want to know the best but most affordable out there. My mother thought to put me on her policy with Progressive and I would pay her for the insurance, but they were going to charge her over $500.00 to do so. My friend has gotten into two accidents and hasn't had to pay nearly that much , and neither did her dad when he put her on his policy. So my question is, which is the best, most affordable insurance? Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you. :D""

Would the risk-neutral person ever buy insurance that was not fair?

If any one knows about this then please write in detail. thanks!

Why is my insurance so expensive?

I am looking to buy an hyundai coupe 1.6 auto and I am wondering why all my insurance quotes are so expensive. These are my details. 18 years old 0 NCB Full Licence held for 8 months Only need up to 4000 miles a year car is worth 2000 Will use it for Leisure and commuting Only need Third Party Fire Theft Live in the South east, in east sussex I have been speaking to a few people who own these also and they are getting much cheaper quoted than I am getting and they need more than me like they have a 2 litre, 10,000 miles, newer model car like 2002, car is worth more. As an example a person I have been talking to is also 18 and he has got a 2002, 2 litre and his car is worth 6500 and he has a quote for 1000 and that is fully comp. This is a group 10 insurance car. I am 18, I am looking at a 1997 1.6 which is worth 2000 and my quote is 2400 from the same company and mine is a group 9 insurance. I can't seem to figure out why my quote is way above theirs.""

Do I need auto insurance if I don't have a car or plan on driving?

I want to get my license because it is something that I need to get out of the way now. I don't have a car or plan on driving until I can even afford auto insurance but this summer is the only time I have free to get my license. I'm 20 and in college.

What is a good insurance company for health insurance?

in a month i will need health insurance for my wife where can i go to get good honest help do you know of any insurance companies to stat away from or recommendations

The cheapest auto insurance in Fl?

Port orange fl

Where can I get a good car with cheap car insurance in UK?

I'm going to start driving soon and wanted to know where to look for a good car with cheap car insurance. I just need a car that can get me around to places.

""If you had to guess, do you think my insurance will be high?

i am an 18 years old male. i have been driving for close to two years and i had one speeding ticket that i took to court and they let me off. i got no points. i drive a 2000 mercury cougar and with liability coverage it costs $90 a month. im on my moms policy. im want to get a 2005 chevy monte carlo lt that im gonna have to get full coverage on because im financing. i am also gonna be on my moms insurance. do you think my premium is gonna increase by alot? thank you. and please just give me estimates and dont tell me to call the insurance company. i just want ballpark estimates and answers. thank you :)

Insurance Rates?

I'm a 17 year old male and I just got my 1st speeding ticket today and it was a 6 point ticket how much do you think my insurance rate will go up by

Why can't we have Medicare for all?

Old people love it?? I don't get it. It's so unfair. My cousin has MS and she couldn't afford Health Insurance and her employer didn't offer it to her. By the time she could qualify for Medicaid, her MS became much worse, and she is not doing well right now. All Americans should have the right to be healthy. It's not a privilege, it's a right!""

Auto insurance with international driving licence in CT?

I'm a graduate student, I want to buy a car but I don't have a U.S. license yet. Does any one know how much auto insurance would cost in Connecticut with an international licence? I have only heard from people that its more expensive.""

Average cost in nj for 17 year old girl for car insurance?

thanks

How do I get a no insurance ticket dismissed? ?

Im covered by my parents ins, but the truck I was driving hadnt been added yet!""

How much would insurance for three months cost?

I'm in a sport, wrestling, and i need insurance for at least three months soon. If you know how much insurance like that costs for a company like choc, that would be great because that's where I got it from last time, also i prefer it to be cheap""

How much would the insurance cost on a 50 cc moped for an 18 year old?

I know that insurance can vary dramatically.....but it would be good if someone had a rough estimate...and are there and insurance compare sites that don't require the number plate of the bike and the liscence number and stuff ?

Is it illegal in California to drive an insured car even though you're not insured?

I heard that in the state of California, as long as the car itself is insured, it doesnt matter if the driver himself/herself is insured or not, and that the driver needs to be insured only if he/she is driving a car that isn't insured. Let's say a teen driver wants to drove his/her parents' car, but the teen isn't listed, but not excluded, from the insurance plan. As long as the car is covered, its okay for the teen to drive it. The only exception is if the parents put on the insurance plan that the teen is excluded from the plan ('____ is excluded from the plan'). Is any of this true? Thanks in advance.""

Insurance company won't cover me because my wife is pregnant?

I'm on a 90 day waiting period to get insurance by my employer, so I tried to get a short term one to be covered in the meantime one but they wont cover me because my wife is pregnant. can they do this what are options... i'm in Illinois. Thank you""

An average how much is car insurence for teenagers?

i have been talking to my parents and they told me its time for me to pay for my own insurance,so i was like ok,but what is the average amount for car insurance?""

Best health insurance in Texas?

Best health insurance in Texas?

How much is mobile home insurance in South Florida?

Looking to buy a vacation home in West Palm Beach. Does anyone out there who actually lives in a mobile home in South Florida tell me how much to expect? The park is on the Intercoastal, I was going to buy for cash but now the douche bag owner raised the price so now I am going to look else where and may have to finance some of the purchase price and I am assuming that I will have to insure it. I am expecting the worse. Please only answer if you really know a number.""

Insurance for a new driver?

I'm hoping to get my driver's license this summer (am over eighteen) but do not plan to drive in the near future since the college I'll be attending next year does not allow freshmen to have cars. Does the insurance requirement for taking the behind-the-wheel exam in CA require proof of an insurance contract under my name, or is it just the vehicle I test with have to be insured? Could I borrow my parents' car for the exam and not get insurance for myself?""

A question about car insurance?

I recently got a statement from my insurance company saying that they can no longer support me because I got two tickets over the past three years (one was highway speeding, the other was a ticket given to me by a police officer who fabricated the location of infraction... I argued this in coiurt but I think I was not heard properly). I am paying around $ 1500... is it likely that I will be able to get cheaper car insurance somewhere else or is it pretty much the same everywhere?""

Will My Car Insurance Go Up?

I was Driving down a road going about 35-40 mph. ( Speed Limit was 45 mph ) I was going straight, and this woman coming the opposite direction decides to turn into a cut out, that goes into a shopping center, and as she turns in to the cut out she just keeps going, out into the street I slam as hard as I could, on my brakes but I still hit her, I hit her on the passengers side in between the 2 doors. There were 2 witnesses that I have never seen before in my life that witnessed it. I have back, and neck problems had someone call an ambulance because the pain was a lot worse. They took a CT SCAN and said nothing was wrong. My Neck and back is still hurting me a lot more, from the accident, I have too wear a sling on my left arm / shoulder because of the force of the seat belt. My nose is swollen do to the impact of the air bags, also affected my neck, and head pain. I have marks on my right arm, and stomach from this. Now the air bag deployed in my truck, and all of the air bags deployed in her car. My Truck looks like it will probably be totaled the bumper is ruined, the hood is ruined, the headlight is broken, The door I had to practically pry open because it was stuck, Smoke started coming out of the truck headlight broken Paint, I think the radiator broke, etc.... etc... Both Vehicles had to be towed away. I have good insurance on our cars, but since this isn't my fault the other woman's insurance will have to pay my medical bills, and to fix my truck, or give me blue book value on it right? I am 20 years old, I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. My insurance is Allstate, and the Other Woman's insurance is allstate also. I will be getting a lawyer.""

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

How much is your monthly car note and how much is your insurance? How many months do you have to pay it off?

What do you drive and do you feel its worth it? I pay $271 on my note. My insurance is $138. I had 42 months on it. I drive a 2005 chevy cobalt. So far I guess it is worth it. Driving is very expensive.

""I was caught driving with no insurance and in court they required me to have car insurance for 1 year,?""

ive been paying for car insurance for the past 6 monthsm, but I recently sold my car, and was wondering if I stil have to pay insurance when I have no car. what should i do?""

How much will my first car and the insurance come to roughly?

i can start driving lessons in January. How much, on average, would my first car cost? and how much on average would the insurance be? Also.. What would you advise for a girls first car? :) Leave your answers below please, Thanks!xx""

Health insurance in Texas for low income families?

My dad recently lost his job, but has an existing medical condition, an ex-wife, and 5 kids to support. I don't know much about the health insurance options in Texas, but I'm looking for a program that will allow my family to be insured for cheap... something like Arizona's AHCCCS health insurance for low income people""

How Much Will My Car Insurance Payment Increase After An Accident?

I got into my first car accident today that was my fault I am 17 years old and I have full coverage on Geico insurance I was wondering on around how much will my payment increase after the accident? There was no damage on my car but the other persons car had a large dent on the right side of his front bumper.

""What comes first, insurance or the car?""

When buying my first car, what comes first? Obtaining car insurance, or buying the car? I know you kinda can't have one without the other, so how does it work?""

Got a fine for no car insurance.?

I got a fine for no car insurance in CA, what will possibly happen to me? I'm fearing the worst...although there should be no excuse for it I didn't have the money at the time.""

$600 Fine For Expired Car Insurance? BC Canada?

Today I got a $600 fine for a week expired car insurance and my car got taken away to an impound . Is that the right price for British Columbia, Canada?? Because I've heard that its supposed to be 100-200 first time, 300-400 second time, 500-600 third time? This is the first time I've ever had a ticket because of expired car insurance so why is it so dam expensive? Can I get some of my money back at least? Seriously $600 is way too much""

How can they justify the cost of car insurance?

Hi I want to know how are car insurance company's able to justify the extra costs for men over women, I've just had to pay 2620.18 for my insurance (the cheapest i could get) and have just checked to see how much i would be paying if i was female and the same company was charging only 1693.19 and the new cheapest is now 1549.89. I can honestly not see how they are allowed to charge me an extra 926.99 purely because I'm a guy. I'm sure there would be an uproar and complaints if company's started charging more for people of different ethnic origins so can they get away with this?""

How should I insure a car? Or should I?

Hello Everyone, I'm 17 years old and have just recently gotten my license (G2). I would love to have a car of my own as it would make my life so much easier due to my strange schedule in school. I have banked enough money to buy a nice car but am still drawing a blank when it comes to insurance. What im really wondering is whats the cheapest/best way for me to insure a car. My mom and dad have both cars insured under there names but they are in use. If I was to buy my own car would I be able to insure it under their name? or under my dad's private business? I can't afford to pay 9k a year in insurance atm but would really love to have my own car sooner rather than later. If you could let me know the best way to get around the monumental cost I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks in advance, Geoff""

""Im 17 i hve a 1.4 citroen saxo west coast, nd te lowst insurance ive found is 2300! cn an1 suggest a company?""

ive tried all the compairson sites and they are really expensive, can anyone suggest a cheaper insurance company? i love my car and dont want to sell it!""

""If you can't afford car insurance, then you can't legally drive. If you can't legally drive, you can't...?""

If you can't afford car insurance, then you can't legally drive. If you can't legally drive, you can't get to your job. If you can't get to your job, you lose your income. How is this fair????""

Who gives the cheapest car insurance for a nissan skyline import?

Who gives the cheapest car insurance for a nissan skyline import?

New Drivers: How much do you pay in Car Insurance a month?

I know this is a more personal question so I will just ask for a RANGE; like for example, $400-$500.""

How does paying higher health insurance premiums and having to help pay the trillion dollar cost of Obamacare?

Make health care more affordable ? Is affordable now code for higher priced?

How much will my car insurance go up if I'm a minor and got into a wreck?

I have State Farm insurance in Texas, how much do you think my rates will go up if I hit somebody, and I'm a minor who's driven for a year? **The man who I hit MIGHT need his bumper replaced, and it was my first accident.""

Car insurance for a 15 soon to be 16 year old?

so i am looking at getting my first car and so i need to be thinking about car insurance and my grade point average is like 2 something. i have american family. any ideas what their rates would be.??

Will my speeding Ticket affect my insurance rates?

I live in Iowa, I am 17 years old, and I just got a speeding ticket from a state trooper for going 84mph in a 65 zone. I am insured with State Farm and have no history of any accedents or tickets. Right now I am recieving the good students discount and the safe driver discount and I was woundering if this would affect my insurance rates on a 1996 Mercedes-Benz black with aproximately 210,000 miles. Thanks""

Can I use my parents car insurance?

As a 17 year old, could I get car insurance under my mom's name? I can't pay $200+ a month for car insurance as a first time driver under my own name. So could I just get my mom to sign to it so I would only pay her rate at like $100 a month?""

Need a quick answer on car insurance?

My first question is, if your car is hit and the other insurance company admits fault - aren't they supposed to come meet YOU to assess damages? Secondly, is an insurance company allowed to deny you whats owed after already admitting fault and after already getting an estimate from a body shop? How do I prevent them from low balling me?""

How much should a family budget for insurance?

disability,life,homeowners,car,umbrella""

Colorado Springs Court Fee For Proving You Have Auto Insurance Now?

I was going to base to pick up my fiance and I just moved to Co Springs. Forgot my insurance cards in my apartment. Couldn't prove it had it, so the MP's took my license and are sending me to court to get it back by proving I have insurance. Do I have to pay a ticket or court processing fee? They told me I just have to show up, show them I have the card then leave?""

How online auto insurance works?

Registering a new car,not a transfer of insurance. I am planning on purchasing GEICO insurance but am not sure how process works. After reviewing registration steps it states the local agent has to sign and stamp RMV-1 form. How will that work if my insurance provider is online? Do they send an agent or do I drive out to closest office? Is the process longer with an online insurance?""

What kind of Insurance should we have when doing a Re Fi Loan?

I am looking over the paper work and one form mentions that we have options at time of closing for different types of insurance. We have Home Owners Insurance/ I noticed disability and mortgage and Life help please

Can daughter get Health Insurance if she has pre-existing such as asthma?

My 18 year old daughter who graduated in May, has moved to a nearby town and is working at Applebees. She wants to get certified as personal fitness trainer, and so she will be dropped off of my insurance, since this is not a full time student program. She was 18 in June, and lives in Texas. She is going to soon have to be dropped of of my health insurance. I do not think that Applebees provides any insurance for hourly employees. She also has asthma, although not real bad, but this is a pre-existing conditions. Will she be able to get any kind of affordable health insurance, or is she just going to have to be one of the millions who can't have health insurance?""

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

How much is a ticket for not having car insurance in California?

Freeway Insurance just called me and told me that my insurance was not paid last month and that it got cancelled. I could swear that I did pay and my bank overview says I did pay. This is the second time they call me to tell me that. I think those ****** bastard just want money. So I'm just wondering how much a ticket cost because I'm gathering money to open another policy but with another Insurance company.

Can i cancel my car insurance immediately? cancel same day and not pay for the following month?

The reason is i sold the car and the insurance guy said the car is still in the system (1st of the month), so i would have to pay still. he said if i canceled on the 15th it could have been canceled sooner and i wouldn't have to pay. i just think it's odd since i don't even have the car anymore. not sure if this makes sense? thanks""

Cheap car insurance for 20 year old?

im new to this im 20 getting my license in ont canada and need insurance i am very cheap will be buying a car 500-700$ and want the cheapest insurance possable il fix my own car if its possible i just want to be legal cause insurance is ridiculous ty everyone

Cheap motorcycle insurance?

anybody noe of some cheap motorcycle insurance im only 17 and im planning on getting a 250cc dis coming summer and i cant spend 300 or more a month thats to much pls help.

What is a auto insurance quote?

What is a auto insurance quote?

How can i get car insurance that i can afford?

im 17 and have just learned to drive and in all fairness i am insulted by the car insurance quotes i have received . in order for me to get my moneys worth out of the insurance quotes i have received i would have to rite my car off 13 times ! can anyone help me get my insurance down , or have any advice on a company who will insure me without me having to sell my organs !""

How much is insurance for a moped for a 17 year old?

I wanna get a moped and im17 years old, can someone tell me the procedure of getting a moped,do i go for a test, and how much will insurance cost for a 50cc ped, thanks in advance""

I was in a car wreck how much should i ask for from insurance company?

i had to go to the hospital for whiplash very painfull also missed over a week of work they are paying for the repairs top my car but what about me .........i was sitting at a red light and this chick crashed in to me from behind

Tour guide car insurance?

I am thinking of setting up a new business where I would offer car tours of the Cotswolds, I was wondering if there was any special car insurance (or/and other insurance/licenses) that I would need? I have Nissan x-trail 04 number plate. I have been on comparison websites, put in my occupation as travel and tourism then tour guide and it comes up with lots of quotes, but when I ring them to confirm that they are actually covering the correct things they say that they don't cover it. So does anyone please have any specific things that I will need in order to be fully/properly covered? Note: Everyone tour I do is pre-booked, I can not be 'hailed' on the street to do a tour, so I am not a taxi.""

Can I cancel my car insurance at any time?

I've been with Zurich car insurance for 1 year and 10months, insured on my mums car as named driver. The time has come to get myself a car on my own insurance. We pay the current insurance monthly. There are two months left on the current policy, is there normally any cancellation fee's? If so, ruffly how much should I be looking at? Also.. Would I have any NCB as I was named driver on the policy? Thanks.""

Should parents buy life insurance policies for their young children?

What do you think? Give good reasoning for your argument...THANKS!!!

Life insurance and payout?

I want to get life insurance in the amount of 250000 for my daughter. If I pass away I am concerned how the money will be spent. How can I make sure the money goes to a college education and perhaps buying a home for her. I have no family so I cant ask anybody to take care of this if I pass away. Thanks. I live in California.

Car insurance for Civic and Lancer?

How much would you guys think car insurace would cost per year for a 16 year old for a 95-00 Honda Civic EX or SI and a 02-05 Mitsubishi Lancer ES??? thanks

How much is car insurance for a jeep wrangler?

i am 18 and have a clean driving record

My company was bought out - Can I get unemployment? What about my health insurance?

I need some advice. I am an assistant manager at a small call center where I have worked for around 5 years (3 of them full-time). It was just announced to me and the manager (the only 2 full-time employees), that we have been bought by another call center that is not located in our town. The manager is relocating and has been offered a full-time job at their main office (with what I am assuming is a decent raise) about 4 hours away. I am being offered a possible part-time job at a lesser position some 3 hours away - there is no garantee. Well, I have kids so there's no way I'm doing that for a measly part-time position with no benefits. I will be without a job as of May 31st. Our part-time workers will be finding out about the closure on May 1st. For those employees that would like to stay through until the end, they will be offered a monetary bonus or compensation. I doubt it's more than a few hundred dollars. If I cannot find another full time job by then, would I most likely be eligible for unemployment? If I take the bonus money at the end, does that mean I wouldn't qualify? What kinds of questions should I be asking before this happens? I have health insurance for the first time in my life - when does that usually end?""

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What does your credit paying history got to do with paying higher/lower car insurance rates?

What does your credit paying history got to do with paying higher/lower car insurance rates?

""What is the cheapest insurance for an 18 yr old college student, who lives away from home?""

What is the cheapest insurance for an 18 yr old college student, who lives away from home?""

Why is car insurance so high?

I am just at a loss as a new driver. Passed my test recently and just cannot find affordable car insurance it's madness. The cheapest quotes that I am getting are 4000 and I think it's disgusting. And its annoying because they add all this criteria which just shouldn't matter. The system is ageist as well as sexist as young male, new driver just seems to be impossible to get insured for. I only have an old Renault Clio P reg and I paid a very small amount for it and I'm just disgusted at the cost of it. I wanted to know if theres anything that can be done about it? I find it annoying as you can't change your age or your postcode or all this stuff that doesn't matter. I've got home insurance that I pay waaaay less for a month is madness.""

What is the cheapest insurance?

i have a vauxhall corsa 1.0 litre im 17 and just passed and insurance quotes ive tried is 4000+pound a year anyone know any cheap insurance's thanks!!!!!

Do you need insurance for permit in ca?

I am going to get my provisional driver license in california. Do i need to get it before i take the drive test? aM i covered under parents policy? How long do i have to have my insurance before im eligible to get my driver license?

How to get car insurance on a Toyota Yaris 1 litre?

It's quite an old car, I estimate about 20 years. Still works well though. How can I get insurance through Direct line? How much would it cost? greenxfox x x x""

Do i still pay the monthly payment (car insurance) after a accident?

I got into an accident on 12/ 15. since then i havnt drove my car bc its not fix or its just waiting for it to be junked. and my monthly payment goes out on about the last week of each month. (my payment goes electronically from my bank ) so on 12/29 they took the monthly payment of december. and then in jan 28, it took another payment even though i wasnt driving the car. my insurance expires this coming march. so do i continue to pay till march even though the car is not used?""

How and why do the British put with with ridiculous auto insurance rates?

I've heard of times where it costs more to insure the car than what the value of the car is worth. How did this happen and why do people let it continue?

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

Charleston West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 25362

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/pregnant-insurance-willie-snyder/"

[iannoyinglysweetstudent-blog]

Would insurance for a 16 year old boy be cheaper on a 4-door 03 oldsmobile alero or a 2-door 06 chevy cobalt?

"Would insurance for a 16 year old boy be cheaper on a 4-door 03 oldsmobile alero or a 2-door 06 chevy cobalt?

we have a 2003 2-door Oldsmobile Alero and a 2006 2-door Chevrolet Cobalt, the alero is automatic and the cobalt is stick shift. they said i can have whichever insurance is cheapest on. idk if this helps but they are both paid off

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I am an insurance agent working through an agency. I need E&O insurance before I can sell certain policies. I'm looking for easy, affordable coverage.""

Assurant Health Insurance?

At a previous job I had good health insurance but adding my husband was costly so we got him BCBS IL through a local insurance agent. He is not the type to go to the doctor very often so a very basic plan is what we got him. It started out only being $160 for 3 months; now today I received a letter that it will be going up to $250 for 3 months. I have changed jobs and kept my insurance for awhile through Cobra but eventually found different coverage because the Cobra was so high in cost. But of course it has went up to almost $300 a month. I have been searching online for health insurance and found Assurant and it seems like I can get good coverage at a fair price. Do you have assurant? Do you think it's good coverage? Do you have any problems with using it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Fastest and cheapest auto insurance?

I want to know the fastest and cheapest auto insurance online?

How much is non onwers sr22 insurance in illinois?

I dont have a car and my license has been suspended.

Insurance on a car that is not registered to me ?

Can I get insurance if the car has not yet been transferred to me?

Have a car but no insurance?

This is an answer I got about owning a car with no insurance and if my license would be suspended even if I turn in the tag and registration. It makes no sense as a lot of people have licenses for ID only and do not have a car (because they aren't allowed or can't drive): By law if you have a driver's license you are supposed to carry insurance whether you own a vehicle or not. It's usually called non-owner's liability coverage. Because of this law they would be able to suspend your license if your company cannot provide proof that you have coverage. This answer makes no sense. I won't say who provided it/they don't allow me to answer them though.

I need to get rid of my car because the payments are way to high and insurance sucks?

I bought a 2003 Toyota Avalon a little more than a year ago from a dealer. I put 7000 dollars as a down payment and now am paying 240 a month for 60 months. Its getting kind of hard to pay off the car now with all of the costs going up. The total price of the car was 15000 and I got a bumper to bumper warranty for 5 years/100,000 miles when I bought it at 35,000 miles. The car now has 54.000 miles. How do I trade it in for a car that would cost me less than 200 a month Thanks""

Would insurance for a 16 year old boy be cheaper on a 4-door 03 oldsmobile alero or a 2-door 06 chevy cobalt?

we have a 2003 2-door Oldsmobile Alero and a 2006 2-door Chevrolet Cobalt, the alero is automatic and the cobalt is stick shift. they said i can have whichever insurance is cheapest on. idk if this helps but they are both paid off

""Need a car insurance, monthly, bad credit.?""

I need a car insurance policy that insures drivers with bad credit on a monthly payment. I dont want to buy a car and then be unable to insure it, as i cant afford to pay in full. Thanks""

I want to put my niece on my car insurance?

i drive a 2001 puegoet 206 and want to include my 17 year old niece on the policy.she has a provisional licience.does anyone know what this will cost approximately

Questions about serial numbers and home insurance?

In an event of property loss or robbery and you have to report to the homeowner's insurance, should you give them the serial #'s of all items lost or stolen or should you give them the list of serial numbers the moment you start insurance?""

Is the Nissan 300zx (1991) a good first car for a teenager?

I just want to know, I'm shopping for my first car. I have about $3500 and I want a car that is sporty. I like the nissan 300zx, and I need to know if its a reliable enough car and a good buy for my first car. I f anyone has any advice or knows about the car, let me know. Thank you!""

About how much will Car Insurance for me cost?

I am a male. I am 16 almost 17. I am about to buy a car, I am looking for one now. About how much will it cost for a normal sized car? Not a sport car. Also I was told that my insurance can be lowered with my grades? I have straight A's.""

Car accident at fault no insurance?

my car was hit from behind last week and the insurance companies came to the resolution that the people that hit us were at fault. they didnt have any insurance and the person driving my car didnt have insurance either. i still owe 6k on the car, how can i get the $ back or get rid of my car without going to small claims court?""

""What comes first, insurance or the car?""

When buying my first car, what comes first? Obtaining car insurance, or buying the car? I know you kinda can't have one without the other, so how does it work?""

""California Life and Health Insurance, How can i Lower my Insurance rates?""

California Life and Health Insurance, How can i Lower my Insurance rates?""

Window tints ticket insurance rates?

does a nonmoving window tint ticket , affect my insurance rates if i pay if off and keep the tints on, here my problem i am under my parents insurance plan and my dad would not let me keep my tints if i keep getting pulled over for them. i have alot of money and i just want to keep paying for the tickets. money is not the problem, i just want to know if i pay the tickets off will it show on my insurance or anywhere else?""

Pay As You Go Insurance! Where can I get it? Cheap Insurance!

Hey people Basicly im insured with Admiral under third party fire and theft. Im doing their 10 month insurance thing which equates to 1 years insurance after the time. I was insured with them last year the price was 1090, this year its gone up to 1250 (had an accident which was my fault). Im paying monthly which has increased it to 1550. Im paying about 150 a month. My question is, where can i get cheap insurance from? Preferbably Pay as You go type. Has anyone done PAYG insurance before?""

Insurance for a 17 year old on a ninja 250?

hey im looking at getting a ninja 250r for a first bike. i choose a 250 because it is cheap, cheap to keep up, i could work on almost every job myself, it wont do a wheelie at 90 and kill me, gets 65 mpg highway, and is still as quick as a z28 0-60. what would the insurance be on a little 250 for an almost 18 year old with a perfect driving record, and almost all major discounts ( good student...etc)? i know you cant say for sure but would it be a doable amount since it is just a 250, or is it going way too much cuz im a teen?""

""Help, need cheap health insurance.?

I need to get cheap health insurance before the 31st. I tried through Obamacare but that is not an option right now. Online application will not go through and trying to call is a headache. Calls will not go through. I need real cheap health insurance so does anyone know where I can get low cost health insurance? I am in Washington state.

Should I be adding my 19yr old daughter to my auto insurance?

Our 19 yr old daughter let he car insurance laps. My insurance company found out and added her to my policy this will cost an extra $700.00 + for six months. She also kept say all along that she was paying her own auto insurance for the last 6 months. I`v found out this was not true she stopped paying about 4 months ago. So she has been driving with out insurance for at least 4 months now. Her car is also in her name so I really can`t take it from her. I`m very upset at her for lien I just found all this out the other day.

Auto insurance pricing for newly licensed 16 year old male driver?

Turning 16 soon and will need a car. I'm looking into getting a 2006 Mazda 6 with 100,000 miles on it. I live in Ohio and will basically be using it for driving around town, possibly to a job in the future of course (if it's still running). As a newly licensed driver, would any of you know how much the insurance would possibly cost? I'm a B average student with a 3.0 GPA average as well, if that has any an effect on the cost.""

How much is car insurance for a 18 yr old?

Hi, this is probably going to sound stupid but just out of curiousity how much would car insurance be for an 18 yr old female driving an Nissan primera ( saloon) As a first car? Or any car for that matter? It's manual transmission, I have no clue about car insurance! As you probably can tell so how much would it cost on average?? Thanks!""

Is it legal for auto insurance companies to adjust rates based on where you live?

I live in California, and I thought it was now illegal to charge more or less based on where you live. Does anyone know the laws regarding this?""

Wats the cheapest insurance in oklahoma?

Wats the cheapest insurance in oklahoma?

Can i use my financial aid money for my car insurance?

I heard that the money can be used for transportation expenses. thats what they told me during my orientation at school. is this true cause i really need to pay my car insurance

Is car insurance cheaper when changing from 20 to 21 in age?

Is car insurance cheaper when changing from 20 to 21 in age?

How can I lower my car insurance?

I have a 2010 Chevy cobalt LT. I pay $420 a month for insurance! I understand I'm 21, and it's a sports car. But I've been driving for 5 years, I've never got in a crash nor gotten any tickets. Why could this be? I know lots of younger people with much more expensive cars but they don't pay nearly as much.""

In New York: Best health insurance on the cheap?

This information is for my stepdaughter and her family. After long term unemployment her husband recently went back to work as a trucker. He might bring home around $500 per week. They presently have no health insurance, although she said a New York State program would cover her two younger children. This leaves her and husband uninsured because his new job has no health coverage. Somehow she found a company willing to insure them for around $200+ a month. What this insurance covers I do not know. (By the premiums, I don't think much) The problem is they don't have much more than the $200+ to pay per month. Can someone tell me how to find(in New York) legitimate insurance companies with affordable cost? Also how can I educate myself on health insurance, the details, so that I can advise them correctly? They're in their late 30s and in reasonably in good health. Any an all advice greatly appreciated Tony""

How should I renew my car insurance in this case of seperation (not yet divorced)?

My husband and I separated 6 months ago. our divorce is not yet final (an other 6 months to go). My car insurance is due, and i want to pay the next 6 months. I've always been on my husband's car insurance. what points should i pay attention to while discussing the policies with the insurance agent? some tips to avoid paying extra fees (with no necessities) please share tips / suggestions. Thank you !""

Will i still get accepted on my husbands insurance while already pregnant before him getting the job?

I recently found out that i am pregnant and i'm planning on getting medicaid but i'm not sure that if once my husband get a job with health insurance if it will affect the medicaid and that if me being pregnant before him getting the job would affect me getting accepted to his insurance?

Car insurance help????????

i have a cousin who is 16 n has a license, i am going on a trip for couple of months, i am wondering if he could drive my car legally if it is insured under my name. just becuz is costs him like 200 bucks for month to have insurance. Is it the car or the driver who needs to have a insurance or does it differ by state, and my cousin lives in kentucky""

Do I need car insurance the moment I get my provisional license (CA)?

I'll be going out for my provisional drivers license tomorrow, and I was wondering whether I need car insurance if I do get my provisional license. My parents are planning to allow me to get my provisional license, but won't add me to their policy until a year down the road. Am I allowed to drive alone with my provisional license as long as the car I'm driving is insured by my parents? (California)""

Would insurance for a 16 year old boy be cheaper on a 4-door 03 oldsmobile alero or a 2-door 06 chevy cobalt?

we have a 2003 2-door Oldsmobile Alero and a 2006 2-door Chevrolet Cobalt, the alero is automatic and the cobalt is stick shift. they said i can have whichever insurance is cheapest on. idk if this helps but they are both paid off

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/buying-life-insurance-now-jayden-weber/"