in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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You know what? Happy Disability Month to those who were disabled by accident. Cars, skis, ice, sand, rocks, horses, just plain bad luck. Broken bones and backs that never heal. Shoulders that can't lift or move right. Wrists that don't turn. Hands that can't grasp. Brains that don't work right anymore. Legs that don't move anymore and eyes that won't recover.
The shame, the blame, the frustration, the wishful thinking that tears you apart. The beauty of small victories and simple kindness. The community you build. Reshaping a life with no warning. Mourning for the person you once were. Joyfully embracing the person you now are. Happy Disability Month to you too (even if you aren't ready to use that word yet)
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Something I really like about Raph and Leo’s relationship is that Raph noticeably doesn’t hold back with Leo nearly as much as he does with Donnie and Mikey, and it’s really nice to see that from him.
Leo too would frequently fall into a natural strategist and second-in-command role of sorts, often actually giving his worries and thoughts to Raph where he wouldn’t normally.
Then the Shredder happens and this dynamic is thrown into a loop where they both stay solidly in their own camps of “we’re heroes, it’s our duty” and “we’re teens, who cares?” And during this, Raph not holding back from Leo is cranked up to an eleven and Leo flips around to mask more with Raph than he ever had before and deliberately riles Raph up so that fights are all but guaranteed.
Post-invasion, it’s clear they’re (mostly) back to how they were before for the most part, with an added level of respect and maturity (and trauma) there too, and it’s great to see because they’re an amazing duo when they’re on the same wavelength.
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what no i’m fine. i’m just thinking about how harrowhark chose to lobotomize herself and remove all memories of gideon to preserve gideon’s soul, and how ianthe chose to kill naberius and consume his soul instead of corona’s soul. and i’m just thinking about how both harrow and ianthe did this - refused to consume gideon's and naberius' souls- out of a twisted love they held for their cavaliers. because harrow wanted to retain any chance she had of bringing gideon back, and because ianthe wanted her sister to live. and i’m thinking about how neither gideon nor corona saw this as love but instead as rejection (gideon saying “i gave you my whole self and you didn’t even want it,” corona saying “she could have taken me”) and anyway it’s just fucked up but i’m fine
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