#and teacher likes when people participate

[lilacgaby]

title: i've changed, won't you see?

pairing: prohero!katsuki x reader

summary: katsuki ruined your life when you were small, giving you a life altering injury, though getting nothing more than a pat on the back. throughout his successes he can't get you out of his mind, so he sets out to make amends with you.

tags: silent voice inspired!! childhood bully katsuki :(, disabled reader, mentions of violence, angst to fluff, su1cide attempt, comfort, implied nsfw, no proofread

(a/n: i wanted to give my hand at really long works while doing drabbles in between but i have so many drafts now jajsjsj)

wc: ~4k

your eyes were always blurry around him it seemed. your hands shaking as your voice cracked, just begging him. "please leave me alone!" with all the might a five year old could muster.

they scoffed at you, they always did. "crybaby. blame your parents for not giving you a quirk. you should've moved when i told you to anyways, it's my park dont you know?" katsuki mocked, moving closer to you, noticing the card behind your back.

"stop being so mean! quirkless people don't do anything wrong!"

"quirkless don't do anything."

your chest was heaving with pain, your little heart couldn't take it. "you-- you'll never be a hero, you're too mean!"

in an act of rage, he set off an explosion. it was only meant to intimidate you but..

once the smoke settled your screams of terror filled the playground.

blood dripped on the floor, pooling in your hand as your grasped your ear. a ringing was all you could hear, it was driving you crazy.

were you crying? you couldn't tell, you couldn't hear. your eyes were shut as you were filled with panic, the smell of iron flooding your senses.

but katsuki remembered so much more.

the smell of the burned cartilage of your ear, the sight of it, or rather the lack of. the blood that wouldn't stop coming, why wasn't it stopping?

his group that usually rallied behind him was now gone, leaving him and a wailing you alone. he tried to talk to you, but you weren't responding.

he grew the courage to touch you, tapping on your shoulder slowly, but that didn't comfort you. in fact he thought it made it worse, making you bow your head in a defensive position.

he stared at you, unable to move, he was supposed to be a hero like allmight, were you right?

finally, a teacher came running to get you, an ambulance already on the way. they didn't look at katsuki, only at the pitiful state you were in.

you didn't respond to them either.

katsuki felt sick as he stood where you and the teacher had left them. he felt sick as he looked down to the remains of what he'd done to you.

he couldn't process it yet, but he felt a sickening despair and guilt be placed upon his shoulders.

one that wouldn't disappear.

he wasn't blamed for anything, only getting a quirk consolation. they thought he lost control? his parents eyed him as he tried to explain what had truely happened, he didn't know why he was trying, did he want to get punished?

but even after, nothing was done. with a lecture and a couple promises he was sent back to class with nothing done to him.

your life was changed forever though, it was apparent in the way that you seemed even more quiet and closed off. you sat in the back, never spoke to anyone, and got teary eyed when he even stood close to you.

your hair covered your ears constantly, a hearing aid peeking through the strands occasionally. the teacher never forced you to participate, none of them ever made an effort.

the teacher had explained to the class how you were completely deaf in one ear, and extremely hard of hearing in the other. how you'd use sign language from now on, and that the class would learn some in support. they never did though, the conversation going ignored as soon as it was uttered.

you were pulled out of class often, the teacher having to tap you on the shoulder to get your attention. your eyes dejected and your presence small as the person who came to get you made gestures with their hands to you.

you'd been cruelly placed in matching classes 'til your last years of junior high. you'd stayed the same way for forever, it was like a weight placed over his chest.

yet he felt he deserved it. he knew he was messed up. he watched you, a lot. he saw you in the back corners, usually forgotten and ignored. when you were acknowledged you were mocked, people making random hand signs to make fun of the way he forced you to communicate, mocking your unconfident speech right after.

he saw the way you sunk into yourself afterwards, making his heart hurt as you grew impossibly smaller. your hands held your own as you prayed for it to be over.

everytime you'd catch him in the halls, you'd still freeze up. your breath shaky as you bowed and left quickly, making his friends laugh but make him queasy.

that interaction was witnessed by your teacher who, after a day of you not showing up, assigned him to give you your work for the day.

with sweaty palms and a racing heart, he dropped by your house. he knew where it was, of course he did, your mom and his were close industry friends even after the incident.

because you'd never told anyone about what he'd do to you.

he knocked on the door, attempting to seem nonchalant. when you answered though, he felt his heart lurch in his chest.

"[name], uh-- this is your work."

you didn't respond, you looked almost nauseous at the sight of him, it was deserved though.

he placed your work on the floor and walked off, that was the only time he'd spoken to you since the incident,

and he couldn't even apologize.

- - -

U-A wouldn't only be a dream for him, but a release for you both. was it selfish to want to run away from his problems? sure, but it'd help you too.

as everyone in the class exclaimed the names of the schools they picked, unsurprised at katsuki's choice, he pondered on where you'd go.

nobody asked you, so you didn't speak. staying quiet as you looked out the window.

katsuki got accepted into U-A easily, but he couldn't help but feel he lacked the main criteria. he'd hurt people poorly, and couldn't apologize because of his ego.

he felt sick to accept these accomplishments of his, knowing it'd be built up on the foundation of hurting you.

but he did anyway, selfishly. he kept up his harsh demeanor in U-A anyways, working hard and scoring high. he graduated top of his class, job offers to agencies left and right.

he accepted one, working for his old internship officially now. he climbed the ranks quickly, saving lives and catching the attention of the media.

a couple years later, he was a steady number five hero when he took a patrol route over for deku. as he strolled through the city, stores littering the buildings, he saw someone he never thought he'd see again.

you, only now working for your mothers seamstress company. you were embroidering something on the station, hands precise and focused, not noticing him.

he had to keep moving, but.. he made a mental note to come back later.

he finished his patrol anxious, he went to sleep thinking of what he'd even say to you. 'hey sorry for ruining your life, can you forgive me?' he slapped his forehead in frustration.

he searched up basic sign language for beginners, learning a bit. he laughed at the stupid thoughts of your forgiveness that he dreamt of.

"as if i deserve it." he muttered, looking deeply at the ceiling of his room before falling asleep.

as soon as he awoke, he got dressed and prepared. he tried to look causal, as if he wasn't planning this.

he walked in, immediately greeted by your mother who congratulated him on his heroics. "well isn't that dynamite? saving the world i see."

he laughed politely. "i'll be number one soon enough."

"of course! well, what're you looking for? i'll give you a family discount, you grew up so close to [name] didn't you?"

his heart jumped into his throat.

"uh.. we did."

"you two were so adorable! she was so nervous around you, she must've had a crush on you or something!"

"i definitely don't think so."

"oh, you're just being modest." she said, hitting his arm lightly. "there she is now, go and speak to her."

"uh-- i--"

"go!" she shoved him in your direction, making you look up to see him. your lips parted in an unrecognizable expression as you saw him, the line you were working on now crooked as you were left alone together.

it's been about ten years hadn't it? ten years since he last saw you, but a lifetime he needed to apologize for.

he'd learned so much in U-A, outwardly changing his demeanor to what he always aspired to be. but all that meant nothing to you, who only experienced him at his worst.

he awkwardly raised his hand up to you, he did his best to sign while speaking, his hands shaky and unconfident. "hi [name], i'm really sorry about what happened back then."

your eyes followed the movements, your hands absentmindedly wrapping around yourself loosely, defensively.

"i know this is a lot but,

can we be friends?"

he waited anxiously for you to answer, you looking as if you were processing it.

in a grown up, yet timid voice, one that he hadn't heard since you were young, you almost whispered, signing as you did so out of reflex. "thank you, bakugo." your eyes grew watery. great, he just couldn't seem to stop making you cry.

he sat near you after getting wordless permission to, hanging onto every word you spoke, and being mindful to speak in a calm tone himself.

"i.. i'd like a friend, honestly. a new one anyways."

he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when you said that, but still, it wasn't enough.

he wanted to, no needed to make you happy. the years of torment he subjected you to couldn't be made up by anything less than years of happiness.

after a bit of small talk, him asking you questions about what you'd been up to, how your life was treating you. he zoned out a couple times, thinking of how beautiful you've become.

"what would make you happy, [name]?" he finally said, his head supported on his hand as he gazed at you, making sure to enunciate his words so you could read his lips.

"what makes you ask?"

"i-- i want to make you happy. no matter the cost, it's what you deserve."

she laughed softly at that, her eyes flickering with an indistinguishable expression. "...i always wanted to travel. around the world, to see mountains and landscapes."

"then i'll take you."

"you don't have t--"

"i do. and ill do more [name], what i did to you was-- is horrible. you know that."

"i..

okay, okay bakugo."

"katsuki."

you smiled, "katsuki."

going from having very limited contact with your only friend from high school, to having a prohero come to your shop everyday was jarring. but not unwelcomed.

he brought gifts with him everytime, learning what you'd like and not. it ranged from food to stuffed animals, flowers to accessories, all of which you really appreciated.

you grew closer, eventually starting to meet outside of your mother's shop. at the park or walking around the mall, he'd take you anywhere you wanted to go. he'd pay for everything too, despite your reluctance.

he kept his word to you, and at the end of the month he asked you to come up to his apartment.

a penthouse.

as you walked in, greeted by the shimmering atmosphere of the expensive furniture and decor all around, abstract paintings and trophies littering shelves on the walls.

you stood by the front entrance, taking off your shoes as you walked in. "katsuki?" you asked, looking around.

he came out, a tiny smile on his face. "ya made it." he had something behind his back, "come in [name]."

the apartment was huge to say the least, it becoming even bigger than it looked from the entrance. he guided you to his plush couch, sitting next to you.

"so, i know you said you dreamt of traveling, right?"

at your nod, he pulled out the tickets from behind his back. "i.. got this tickets for you. i didn't want to push it in case you didn't want me to go with you but--"

you cut him off with a hug, tackling him into the couch.

"of course i want you to come,

katsuki."

you signed his name differently than other times,

you'd finally made a name for him.

he hugged back mindfully, so excited to finally have a huge first step in the right direction.

but he still needed to make you happy. "we'll leave in two days if that's okay, i just wanted to give you time to pack."

"okay, that's good."

"do you.. want to stay?" he asked nervously, the thought had popped into his mind and out his mouth in a millisecond.

you blinked, sitting up on his legs, pondering it over.

"sure, okay."

he put on some movies for the two of you, his heart was racing at the proximity of your body to his.

the night ended with you laid on top of him, fast asleep as he was comforted by the beating of your heart against his. your chest against his, his hand in your hair as your head laid in his neck.

he woke up first, to the sight of the gold light making you look heavenly, your hair messy from how he was playing with it throughout the night. your face was almost against his, he could kiss you right now.

but he shouldn't. he would move but he didn't want to couldn't, so he looked you over. you woke up to the feeling of his fingers caressing your face, your eyes half lidded from sleep.

"'suki. g'morning."

his heart was getting used to irregularly pounding around you at this point. "[name], uh-- hi."

after a couple moments, you got off of him, much to his discontent. his hands sliding down your legs as you got up.

"i'll be going now, i gotta pack and stuff." you said, looking in one of the many mirrors scattered around as you fixed your appearance as much as you could.

he nodded. "let me walk you home at least."

and he did walk you home, hand in hand.

those two nights he spent pondering over you. he didn't know why, but hero work felt much lighter after talking it out with you. becoming your friend was one of the best things he'd achieved in years, and that was including his recent rankings.

he thought back to how he treated you as a kid, had he really just been searching for your validation all along?

is that why it hurt when you told him he'd never amount to his dreams, because he only valued your opinion?

he let himself sleep, he'd see you tomorrow. and he'd make it all right.

he woke up and picked you up at your place, his expensive sports car standing out against the comfort of the neighborhood. you walked out, dressed simply but cute, a bag of your own in hand.

he grabbed it from you and placed it in the back, opening the passenger door for you as he drove to the airport. his hand on your thigh as he did so, letting you play the music you'd like with loud bass.

it was a half hour ride in comfortable silence, he gazed at you occasionally, a thoughtful expression on your face.

on the plane, you sat by the window. it was first class so you'd get to sleep in a physical bed, in a closed room. you were treated to whatever food and drinks you wanted, hugging katsuki when you found out you where you were heading.

the flight was a long eighteen hours, but it was spent hanging out with katsuki. on his lap asking him questions about the shows you two had watched, power scaling arguments about past heroes, fights he'd recently been in.

also what you two planned to do as you were there, you wanted to go to the beaches and mountains, he just wanted to follow you.

you fell asleep together again, your face laid directly in his chest as he held you.

you woke up to katsuki tapping you on the shoulder. as you raised the volume on your aids, you heard the beeping on the intercoms that meant you'd have to go back to your seats for the landing, groggily being helped up by katsuki as he moved you to to your seats.

you sat by the windows, looking at the tropical region as you two landed, your hand still in his. the moments after we're a blur, before you knew it you were in a car being buckled up by katsuki as you were being driven to your hotel.

what you didn't know was that it was a villa, built on top of the waters of the ocean, your very own private beach right outside your doors with the mountains you'd dreamt of treking right behind you.

you'd never been so happy.

the days you'd spent started and ended all the same, you waking up and going to sleep in katsuki's arms. pretending like you didn't notice how your bed hair got worsened after he played with it all night.

the first days you'd spent at the beach, attempting and failing at surfing. your jet lag was killed off by your utter excitement.

you being thankful your aids were water resistant because of how much you loved the waters of the river and the seas.

you'd had a sandcastle competition, sunbathed, and soaked off in the hot tub of your villa together.

the trek's were fun too, katsuki was annoyingly good at everything so you'd have to fight to keep up.

your polaroid in hand as you snapped candid shots of him, turning it to yourself as you got a selfie of you two with the gorgeous rivers as background.

you jumped into those too, making katsuki freak out as you dived in to the deep waters.

you even got to the top one day, jokingly saying that you should've brought a flag to the top to celebrate. the golden hours of the sunset making you glimmer.

a moment of silence passed over you as he slowly approached you, wordlessly asking for permission as you once again put your hands in his.

you leaned in first, kissing him with the sun as witness.

"i really like you [name]." he sighed and spoke after you pulled away.

"i like you too." you replied, hugging him tightly.

the rest of your trip was filled with your firsts with katsuki.

your first official date was in the burrows of the forest, a picnic where you two painted portraits of eachother. albeit, unique portraits... but painting nonetheless.

your first moment truly loving someone, the feeling you recognized as you laid him in your lap for the first time.

your first talk about what happened all those years ago. a deep one.

"[name], before we become something um.. official. we need to talk about how i hurt you." katsuki said one day, laying faced to you but taking your hands into his.

"kats--"

"let me speak. please." after you nodded, he took a breath and began.

"i was egotistical and really insecure all those years. you were the only one who really read me, that's why i think i got so upset.

i didn't mean to hurt you, i never wanted to hurt anyone i swear-- i just hated that you were right.

that weighed over me all these years, the fact that my hero work meant nothing if i was doing it while acting so.. unheroic.

i never fully felt like a hero, not until i met you again.

not until you graced me with your friendship, your undeserved affection towards me. i just-- i really care about you. and im really sorry, ill spend the rest of my life apologizing to you, and you don't have to accept it because i don't deserve it.

i guess what i'm trying to say is..

sorry, and.. i love you [name].

you don't have to--"

he was cut off by a kiss on his lips.

it felt different somehow, he couldn't place it. almost sad in a way as you pulled back.

"i don't think you were trying to hurt me. but, you did.

and you're working to change it, i appreciate that.

i really care for you too katsuki."

the rest of your trip was comfortingly domestic, learning things about each other you'd never know.

your last week was bittersweet, having to leave your jointed paradise was a reality that saddened the both of you. but your dream was fulfilled, and so was his.

seeing that he was the cause of your smiles and not your horror, making you happy was the light of his day. no, his life.

he thinks he was born to make you happy.

the flight back was a blur, you spent it clinging to him. you started to gift him your own things over the hours, a scrunchie of yours, a bracelet for him to keep.

a locket with a photo of you two, and the polaroid you'd taken on the mountains.

"why are you giving this all to me? not that i'm complaining."

"well, you'll get more use out of it. that's all."

he scrunched his face up in confusion, but with a smile you waved off his concerns.

he wished he pushed you more.

he wished that you'd forgive him for failing you once again, as he fought to take the razor blade out of your grip, slicing your hand in the process.

you were in your bathtub, surrounded by water yet fully clothed, tears and wails wracking your body as you just wanted it to be over.

you finally relented, your blood staining his clothes and the water as he picked you up. you couldn't hear him, you'd taken out your aid.

but you could feel his sobs, his tears hitting you as you shut your eyes, embarrassed of what you'd just done.

you were rushed to the hospital and given stitches, you were to be closely watched from your mom now on, you were told by an interpreter.

katsuki's eyes were red, matching his pupils as he looked at you.

he was frustrated, you could see it in the trembling of his fists and the scowl in his mouth. if he hadn't been there.. you would be dead.

why, he asked you. and to be honest, you really couldn't explain it yourself.

when you got home to your apartment, empty and reminding of your reality away from katsuki, you just felt so..

scared. what would happen when he finally got the validation he needed and left you? your whole life was quiet and tranquil, you'd gotten used to it. but he flipped it upside down again, showed you what your life really could be.

it was too much for you. you had to escape, so after sitting on it, tapping your leg anxiously as you pondered your decision, you went on your phone.

you went online and saw his life outside of you, how he had everything going for him yet what did you really have? a mom and a job at her company?

you grew impulsive, grabbing it absentmindedly and filling up the tub with the water you grown to love over the past month.

after you started bleeding, you panicked. what had you just done? but it was too late..

until he saved you from yourself.

you were zoning out. when you didn't answer him, he repeated himself, grabbing the interpreter so you could sign.

but still you said nothing, except a small sorry.

he left afterwards, leaving you alone in the bed to think.

you were back in your childhood room now, your mom having sobbed as she looked over your hands, as she asked you, "what the hell were you thinking?"

you looked at those glow in the dark stars and tried to find an answer, but there was none.

you held yourself to sleep for the first time in months, already missing him deeply.

little did you know, he was thinking about you too.

the next morning you awoke to a knock on your bedroom door. assuming it was your mom, you got up and opened it.

it was katsuki instead, holding a bouquet of flowers and the locket you'd given him.

"can i come in?"

you opened the door wider, leading him to sit on your bed.

"katsuki i--"

"[name]. i don't know why you did what you did.. but i know it probably has something to do with me. so what did i do wrong?" he looked defeated, as if he thought it was his fault you tried to end your life.

"no! no that wasn't it at all. well, it was about you but not like that.

it's just.. i've been alone. for so long? having you around felt.. too good to be true. i didn't want to go back to how i was before. in a way, you were too good for me."

"you're.. an idiot. but i guess i understand."

"i just.. i really love how you treat me. i didn't want it to go away."

a moment of silence passes, a small anxious laugh leaving katsuki's lips.

"fuck, i thought you hated me. could barely sleep without you."

he pulled you into him, staring deeply into your eyes as he pulled you impossibly closer. he kissed you deeply. his worries, passions, and frustrations all poured out into it.

he pulled away, eyes half lidded as he asked gruffly.

"wanna take this back to my place?"

he took your last first away, gentle and loving as he guided you through it. reassuring you that he'd never leave you.

you moved in with him soon after, finding it hard to sleep without eachother, no matter how late he got back to your shared home.

he'd be welcomed back by the sight of you, who always tried and failed to stay up waiting for him. he'd pick you up, like always, and hug you to sleep.

he'd know he woke you up by the feeling of your smile in his chest, the way you tightened you arms around him.

he loved spending every waking moment he could with you. you were right though, he did break up with you after he got your validation.

...

but that's just an odd way to say he proposed to you, vowing to spend the rest of his life making you happy and fufiling your wishes one by one.

he changed not only himself, but the way you see yourself. he changed your relationships with yourselves and eachother for the better,

and as you walked down the aisle, your wedding planned by your two designer parents, being lavish and gorgeous. the silk on the floor being runway to your expensive shoes specially designed for you, the guests in awe of how gorgeous you are.

you both knew, you'd better eachother for better or for worse, for as long as you'd be together.

he signed 'i do', sealing the rest of your lives together,

with a kiss.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

By Hayley Gleeson

There wasn't a dramatic "lightning bolt" moment when Colin Kinner realised he needed to roll up his sleeves and start tackling what he'd come to see as a pernicious problem: the largely unchecked spread of SARS-CoV-2 in Australian schools.

What spurred him to act, in the end, was the growing pile of evidence that COVID was a serious health threat, and his concern that school communities seemed to be shrugging their shoulders at it.

He was tired of hearing about schools allowing teachers to come to work while COVID positive. Of sick children being permitted to stay in class and infecting others. Of schools asking parents not to tell them if their child had COVID, but routinely sending home letters about head lice or chickenpox. Of teachers and kids catching the virus and not recovering.

"As a parent, I want my son to be safe at school, so that was a key part of my motivation to do this," says Mr Kinner, the Brisbane creator of COVID Safety for Schools, a free online course that aims to correct misinformation and teach school staff and parents how to reduce the risk of the virus spreading. "But also, having spoken to lots of other parents and teachers, it's clear that most schools are lacking an understanding of some of the absolute basics of COVID. And in the fifth year of the pandemic, I find that very troubling."

Every week in Australia too many students and teachers are catching COVID at school, Mr Kinner says, resulting in disrupted learning, teacher shortages, increased transmission in the broader community and disabling chronic illnesses like long COVID. It's hardly surprising: a packed classroom can be the perfect place for an airborne virus to thrive, with one US study finding more than 70 per cent of COVID transmission in homes began with an infected school-age child.

Schools aren't necessarily at fault: in most states they've been starved of good public health guidance, Mr Kinner says — they've been told "they can treat it like any other respiratory illness, so that's exactly what they're doing".

Step one: correct misinformation A science and technology communicator and startup mentor, Mr Kinner's solution was to assemble a team — some of Australia's leading experts in public health, medicine and engineering — who could explain in simple video tutorials the health risks of COVID, the science of how it spreads, and strategies schools can use to keep staff and students well. The ultimate goal of COVID Safety for Schools, he says, is to change minds and behaviour and, since it launched in February, 600 participants have signed up, about half parents and half teachers.

But perhaps its greatest challenge is engaging people in the first place, particularly those who believe COVID is harmless or no longer worth taking precautions against.

For the past couple of years Australians have been encouraged to keep calm and carry on as if the virus is in the rear view mirror, even as it continues sickening and killing people, albeit in smaller numbers than years gone by. News reports often downplay its severity, if they cover it at all, while political leaders, public health officials and doctors have claimed it is no cause for concern, especially in children, and that catching it is not just inevitable, but necessary.

But mounting evidence shows the opposite. Even in vaccinated people and those who suffer "mild" infections, COVID can trigger a range of health problems including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, neurological conditions and immune dysfunction. Then there's long COVID, a debilitating multi-organ illness that has upended the lives of hundreds of millions of children and adults worldwide, many of whom do not fully recover.

"COVID is like an accelerator for all the other diseases that we hate — it's actually an aging accelerant as well," Professor Jeremy Nicholson explains in one of the course videos. "And we don't want that for our kids or anybody else."

Simple steps can stop COVID spreading Once apprised of the health risks, course participants are taught about evidence-based tools schools can use to reduce viral transmission. These are not outlandish or burdensome interventions, but common sense steps like encouraging teachers and students to stay home if they're sick; improving indoor air quality with ventilation and filtration — with air conditioning systems, air purifiers and good old-fashioned open windows; and promoting mask wearing particularly in high-risk settings like crowded indoor gatherings or bus trips.

Of course, some education departments already require schools to take similar measures. In Victoria, for instance, all public schools must "maximise" external ventilation, ensure air purifiers are used, encourage good personal hygiene and make face masks available for those who want to wear them. But that doesn't mean schools actually follow the guidelines or use the tools at their disposal (in 2021 the government delivered tens of thousands of air purifiers to schools across the state, but many are no longer used and some have since been listed for sale on Facebook Marketplace).

The federal president of the Australian Education Union, Correna Haythorpe, says any initiative that educates people about COVID and what schools can do to prevent infections is "welcome". Teachers who have to take sick leave because they've caught COVID or developed long COVID are an additional burden on schools, many of which are struggling with the "chronic" national teacher shortage, she says. Then there's the disruption to learning: "A contagious disease can very quickly … take out significant numbers of students. And fundamentally, we want kids to be engaged, we want them to be well, we want them to be learning."

Improving the situation, though, requires stronger leadership from education departments, Ms Haythorpe says. "Current government approaches to limiting COVID infection, repeat infection and long COVID demonstrates a lack of concern for the health and wellbeing of students, teachers and broader school communities," the AEU wrote in its submission to Australia's parliamentary inquiry into long COVID. Mitigation measures in many public schools are not adequate, it said, "and a lack of capital investment … since 2017 means that conditions are often cramped with inadequate air flow".

'Long COVID basically ended my career' For Amanda Sharpe, these problems are personal. Before she developed long COVID after catching the virus from her children in 2022, Ms Sharpe taught advanced maths at a high school in Bundaberg, Queensland. She used to spend full days on her feet, relishing the buzz of helping her students solve complex equations, preparing them for careers in fields like medicine and aerospace engineering.

Now, just sitting upright for a short spell or reading a simple news story can quickly worsen her symptoms and wipe her out for days. "Long COVID basically ended my career and I doubt that I'll ever be able to return," she says. "Unless there is an actual cure, I think that will be it for me."

It's bewildering that schools aren't taking stronger action to protect their staff and students from COVID, says Ms Sharpe, who tells her story in the COVID Safety for Schools course. A major issue is that many people still think of COVID as a respiratory illness, she says — they don't realise it can also attack the vascular system, damaging blood vessels and increasing the risk of clotting abnormalities, stroke and heart disease.

She also wishes more people knew that the virus can cause brain changes and cognitive impairment: one study, for instance, found people who recovered from "mild" COVID infections had lost the equivalent of three IQ points.

"With the maths I teach, you really can't afford to have your IQ drop," Ms Sharpe says. "I just don't understand why schools aren't implementing simple measures like improving indoor air quality — especially private schools, where academic results link directly with enrolments and success."

In response to previous disease outbreaks like Spanish flu and tuberculosis, schools moved lessons outdoors — sometimes in freezing winter temperatures — to stop children from getting sick, she says. "But we don't want to have classroom windows open in Queensland? It just seems insane to me."

What about WHS laws? It may also be unlawful. Australians may have been led to believe that public health orders in force until 2022 were the key reason employers, including schools, had to take steps to protect staff from COVID, says Michael Tooma, a partner at the law firm Hamilton Locke. But schools have always had to comply with workplace health and safety laws — "there has always been a duty of care", he says. "COVID presents a risk to health and safety and, like any other risk, it needs to be managed with proactive policies and procedures that try to eliminate the risk or reduce it as far as reasonably practicable."

At the very least, Mr Tooma says, schools should be excluding people with COVID from the workplace, improving ventilation in classrooms and auditoriums and maintaining sensible cleaning and hygiene regimes.

Schools that fail to meet their WHS legal obligations may be reported to and investigated by state regulators, which can issue improvement notices and in some cases bring prosecutions for serious breaches of the relevant legislation.

Still, Mr Tooma says he's not aware of any schools being prosecuted for COVID-related breaches and in general, regulators tend to focus on industries that have higher risks of serious physical harm and death, as well as "campaign" issues like mental health. "Regulator activity tends to follow public interest and so as public interest in COVID and COVID safety has waned, so has regulatory activity around it, in my experience."

Mr Kinner suspects it's probably going to take successful litigation for schools to start taking COVID more seriously. He points to a UK case in which 120 teachers with long COVID are suing the Department of Education for allegedly failing to protect them at the height of the pandemic. Those involved say they were not given good enough guidance for managing the risks the virus posed, with data showing teachers suffered high rates of infection and long COVID.

"I think it's only a matter of time before we see similar legal action in Australia," Mr Kinner says. "It could be from teachers, it could be from families who caught COVID because it came into their household via the school. I think it's inevitable."

In the meantime, he will keep trying to get COVID Safety for Schools in front of as many teachers, parents and principals as he can — even if it takes a while, even if they don't want to hear its message.

"I've been very surprised at how school leaders don't act when they're presented with this information, even people who go through the course and understand — or should understand — that this is a virus we should be taking very seriously," Mr Kinner says. "Because facts remain facts. Even if you don't like them, even if they make you feel uncomfortable, they're still facts."

[cilginfillermigoruyorumne]

I LOVE MAKING MISTAKES IN LANGUAGE CLASSES!!! I’m butchering the language with my pronunciation but that’s okay. It’s fun after all.

[isa-ah]

yall ever end up thinking back on periods of ur life and ur like. bro what

[fantomette22]

Also kind of funny how people say i’m quite discreet and don’t talk a lot when i’m afraid i talk too much (maybe too loud or too fast) and afraid i ended up annoyed them. (Can smn explain pls xD)

anyway it’s late i apologize if it doesn’t make so much sense it is late)

[bandzboy]

it's insane to me how back then my teachers thought i had a problem because i didn't participate in class or barely talked with anybody when i was just fine and because of that they would always send me to psychologist and my mom would go insane because every single one of them would tell her i didn't have a problem so after all of that i genuinely thought there was something wrong with me when it's just... my personality...?

[felix-lupin]

G'morning 💟💟💟

This is a ramble about a post about the Harry Potter books (wishing they were not written)...

I Really Enjoyed the Geodyssey series by Piers Anthony (Isle of Woman, Shame of Man, Hope of Earth, Muse of Art... I never read the last book... Climate of Change)

I read the first 4 books many years ago, and I Really Enjoyed reading these books and the style of writing that spanned across many generations and time periods. I re-read this series many times over the years, and each time I enjoyed the stories and the characters.

Piers Anthony is a prolific author that has written a plethora of books. I have only read the Geodyssey series, and not any of his other works.

And then something happened and the reputation of Piers Anthony changed from 'respected prolific sci-fi and fantasy author' to 'creepy creep'... He was writing too much about panties and female bodies and teenage sexuality and he is no longer popular or respected 😶

These things are confusing and sad.

Many times I have experienced emotional cruelty from others in the form of 'You like/enjoy (random media)? Then you must be the kind of awful/evil/wrong person who supports (inappropriate behaviors of the creator of that media)!'

These things are confusing and sad.

I imagine that about 98% of Creatives are Normal Humans that will be sometimes good and sometimes bad, but always Humans that are Going Through It, making mistakes and learning, and never perfect... And only about 1% of Creatives are perfectly evil rotten humans, and only about 1% of Creatives are perfectly good kind humans. The individual that consumes media is not responsible for the actions of the media creator. I guarantee that all humans have enjoyed a work of art/music/literature that was created by someone that they would be repulsed by, if they were to know the creative personally. Should this diminish the experience of enjoyment that the individual feels upon consuming the media?

For example... Michaelangelo was secretly queer but openly hatefully homophobic. In person he was bitter, condescending, sadistic, and rude. He did not bathe, and upon his death he had had the same pair of stockings on for So Many Years that it was necessary to scrape them off of his skin with a spatula. Meeting him in person would not be a pleasant experience for most humans... But he gave us David and La Pieta and the Sistine Chapel and So Much More! Should the Beauty of those works be diminished because they were created by an asshole?

And Jared Leto is a bad person and a bad actor, but Mr. Nobody is still an emotionally beautiful and thought provoking film.

There were too many examples, across all media, and through out all time. Should you choose to only consume media that was created by perfect humans, it would be necessary to live bereft of Art.

I perceive Art like this... There is a Collective Consciousness of humanity's ideas and imagination (the noosphere) and Creations are conducted into this realm of reality (born) through the Creatives (conduits). Consider the Michael Sheen quote/acting advice about the characters they portray not being able to exist unless they open themself and channel that out into the world (paraphrasing)... Consider a child being born... Is that child an extension of the parent? Responsible for the behaviors of the parent? Or is it its own entity that should be perceived by its own merits? Creations of Art are the manifestations of ideas and imagination that have been born through the conduit of Creatives... Creations of Art are the Children of Creatives. Should you be repulsed by a beautiful child because its parent is ugly or vulgar?

Have been thinking on this for a day or so... And just wanted to submit these thoughts for your consideration.

(I agree 100% that JK Rowling is a jerk and this ramble is Not About That)

💟💟💟

Good morning!

It's definitely a. Complicated subject? I agree that people shouldn't be harassed for what they enjoy in media, though. Someone who harasses or belittles others for what they enjoy in media will always be 100x worse than the person that's enjoying the "bad/problematic" media.

I personally could never read the Harry Potter books after what happened with JKR, but I do understand that there's a good amount of people who read the stories *before* the transphobia stuff came out, and to a lot of those people the series means something to them. There is some degree of separating the art from the artist, although it's impossible to do that entirely.

I think it's mostly fine as long as one acknowledges the problems that a work does have, things in the work that are. Prejudiced, for example. Although I do also understand that there's a lot of people that would rather not be. Reminded about Harry Potter, or talked to about it, or it upsets them when there's references to it.

Both of those people—people that are attached to Harry Potter and keep talking about it and making fanwork for it, and people that don't want to talk about it and having it referenced makes them uncomfortable— are valid. As long as nobody's harassing or belittling anyone else. Although, I will note that, while I can't control what anyone decides to do with their money bc it's their money, even the people who are still fans shouldn't buy things that are going to give money to JKR.

[szappan]

i have the temperament of a very nervous and aged little dog. generally cheery and glad to go on walks and to see people but will soon perish from the sheer stress of alla that

[retourpresdetoi]

vent

[sugaroto]

I did it :D

I changed seats

During the 1st hour I was sjnzjdjsjd-ing again and couldn't focus and the 2nd hour the teacher was late and so I said fuck it, grabbed my bag and sat on the back

My deskmate was a lil confused and I didn't have time to explain to her why I left, sorry🥲 but I seriously cannot sit in there, especially since I sat on the back yesterday (some people were missing so it didn't seem weird that I moved) but like, in the back I could breathe, in the front it's very crowded

Also I don't think my deskmate minds at all cause the guy who sits on the front moved back with her a few times and they were playing hangman so🤷‍♀️she's doing fine

And only one teacher comment on it :)

-What are you doing in the back? Will you be sitting in there from now on?

-I focus better on the back

-you noticed a difference?

-yeah, I'd rather sit here

At first she thought I couldn't see, which is weird cause I'm wearing glasses, and the problem is that I actually can see better on the front but I focus better on the back, but we don't write that much cause most of the time the teachers are just talking (history doesn't need the board, ancient greek and Latin use it like once a month, so my problem is seeing in math, but I can see so far)

And like a friend noticed I was on the back during the last hour and she was like "Sugar what are you doing in the back?" All sad and she said it was sad or something cause I was so far away and sitting alone and my friend who was sitting in front of me (and knew how much I wanted to change seats) was like "no she likes it better here" and I was like yeah I get stressed on the front and can't focus and some girl was like really?

Yes really, I'm finally breathing again 🥲💘

Now the only teacher who didn't saw I moved was the history teacher and when I moved yesterday she gasped so I'm worried she'll say something

Also, there are two boys in my class who were originally on the back but now both sit on the front and one was kinda forced cause he's sleeping on the back so the history teacher made him move and I think the only reason the Latin teacher didn't continue the subject is bc she understands I'm not trying to sleep on the back bc I'm actually giving Panhellenic exams unlike the guy

And bc the teachers had made both boys move I thought they wouldn't agree with me sitting back but it's fine :)

The math teacher probably doesn't care cause she knows none of us actually cares about math, and also I participate to her class so🤷‍♀️ and the ancient greek teacher was also my teacher last year and I was sitting on the back and I don't think he gives a shit about where someone is sitting cause he knows how to do his job

3 teachers let me be 1 to go

[odinsblog]

🗣️THIS IS WHAT INCLUSIVE, COMPASSIONATE DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE

Minnesota Dems enacted a raft of laws to make the state a trans refuge, and ensure people receiving trans care here can't be reached by far-right governments in places like Florida and Texas. (link)

Minnesota Dems ensured that everyone, including undocumented immigrants, can get drivers' licenses. (link)

They made public college free for the majority of Minnesota families. (link)

Minnesota Dems dropped a billion dollars into a bevy of affordable housing programs, including by creating a new state housing voucher program. (link)

Minnesota Dems massively increased funding for the state's perpetually-underfunded public defenders, which lets more public defenders be hired and existing public defenders get a salary increase. (link)

Dems raised Minnesota education spending by 10%, or about 2.3 billion. (link)

Minnesota Dems created an energy standard for 100% carbon-free electricity by 2040. (link)

Minnesota already has some of the strongest election infrastructure (and highest voter participation) in the country, but the legislature just made it stronger, with automatic registration, preregistration for minors, and easier access to absentee ballots. (link)

Minnesota Dems expanded the publicly subsidized health insurance program to undocumented immigrants. This one's interesting because it's the sort of things Dems often balk at. The governor opposed it! The legislature rolled over him and passed it anyway. (link)

Minnesota Dems expanded background checks and enacted red-flag laws, passing gun safety measures that the GOP has thwarted for years. (link)

Minnesota Dems gave the state AG the power to block the huge healthcare mergers that have slowly gobbled up the state's medical system. (link)

Minnesota Dems restored voting rights to convicted felons as soon as they leave prison. (link)

Minnesota Dems made prison phone calls free. (link)

Minnesota Dems passed new wage protection rules for the construction industry, against industry resistance. (link)

Minnesota Dems created a new sales tax to fund bus and train lines, an enormous victory for the sustainability and quality of public transit. Transit be more pleasant to ride, more frequent, and have better shelters, along more lines. (link)

They passed strict new regulations on PFAS ("forever chemicals"). (link)

Minnesota Dems passed the largest bonding bill in state history! Funding improvements to parks, colleges, water infrastructure, bridges, etc. etc. etc. (link)

They're going to build a passenger train from the Twin Cities to Duluth. (link)

I can't even find a news story about it but there's tens of millions in funding for new BRT lines, too. (link)

A wonky-but-important change: Minnesota Dems indexed the state gas tax to inflation, effectively increasing the gas tax. (link)

They actually indexed a bunch of stuff to inflation, including the state's education funding formula, which helps ensure that school spending doesn't decline over time. (link)

Minnesota Dems made hourly school workers (e.g., bus drivers and paraprofessionals) eligible for unemployment during summer break, when they're not working or getting paid. (link)

Minnesota Dems passed a bunch of labor protections for teachers, including requiring school districts to negotiate class sizes as part of union contracts. (Yet another @SydneyJordanMN special here. (link)

Minnesota Dems created a state board to govern labor standards at nursing homes. (link)

Minnesota Dems created a Prescription Drug Affordability Board, which would set price caps for high-cost pharmaceuticals. (link)

Minnesota Dems created new worker protections for Amazon warehouse workers and refinery workers. (link)

Minnesota Dems passed a digital fair repair law, which requires electronics manufacturers to make tools and parts available so that consumers can repair their electronics rather than purchase new items. (link)

Minnesota Dems made Juneteenth a state holiday. (link)

Minnesota Dems banned conversion therapy. (link)

They spent nearly a billion dollars on a variety of environmental programs, from heat pumps to reforestation. (link)

Minnesota Dems expanded protections for pregnant and nursing workers - already in place for larger employers - to almost everyone in the state. (link)

Minnesota Dems created a new child tax credit that will cut child poverty by about a quarter. (link)

Minnesota Democrats dropped a quick $50 million into homelessness prevention programs. (link)

And because the small stuff didn't get lost in the big stuff, they passed a law to prevent catalytic converter thefts. (link)

Minnesota Dems increased child care assistance. (link)

Minnesota Dems banned "captive audience meetings," where employers force employees to watch anti-union presentations. (link)

No news story yet, but Minnesota Dems forced signal priority changes to Twin Cities transit. Right now the trains have to wait at intersections for cars, which, I can say from experience, is terrible. Soon that will change.

Minnesota Dems provided the largest increase to nursing home funding in state history. (link)

They also bumped up salaries for home health workers, to help address the shortage of in-home nurses. (link)

Minnesota Dems legalized drug paraphernalia, which allows social service providers to conduct needle exchanges and address substance abuse with reduced fear of incurring legal action. (link)

Minnesota Dems banned white supremacists and extremists from police forces, capped probation at 5 years for most crimes, improved clemency, and mostly banned no-knock warrants. (link)

Minnesota Dems also laid the groundwork for a public health insurance option. (link)

I’m happy for the people of Minnesota, but as a Floridian living under Ron DeSantis & hateful Republicans, I’m also very envious tbh. We know that democracy can work, and this is a shining example of what government could be like in the hands of legislators who actually care about helping people in need, and not pursuing the GOP’s “culture wars” and suppressing the votes of BIPOC, and inflicting maximum harm on those who aren’t cis/het, white, wealthy, Christian males. BRAVO MINNESOTA. This is how you do it! And the Minnesota Dems did it with a one seat majority, so no excuses. Forget about the next election and focus on doing as much good as you can, while you still can. 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

👉🏿 https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1660846689450688514.html

[screeching-bunny]

Yandere! Townspeople Harem x Lucky Reader

Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Yandere Thoughts, Bad Writing, Stalking, Possessive Behavior, Reader is Referred as ‘You’

A/N: I have no clue what I was on when I wrote this 💀. This is also inspired by a Reddit post I saw long time ago.

🌟 Yandere! Townspeople who are absolutely enamored by you and everything that you do. They treat you as if you are some kind of entity waiting to be put on a golden pedestal and paraded around town. You are essentially the town’s golden boy/girl/person, a mascot if you can even call it that. In their eyes everything that you do is inspiring and encouraged. It also doesn’t help that you were born with this amazing power that causes you to become extremely lucky. No matter the deed, every action was thrust into the spotlight as if it were a gracious gesture for the community's well-being. Take, for instance, if you ever fatally shot someone the townsfolk would erupt in applause, discovering the individual to be a notorious mass murderer and your action saved the town.

🌟 Yandere! Townspeople who can’t help but gush over every miniscule achievement that you got. You got a perfect attendance award? They wouldn’t expect anything less from you. Did you just get a participation trophy? Well they're cheering for you as if you just won the world cup. To say their actions are embarrassing is definitely an understatement. Everytime they cheer for you, you can’t help but die a little bit on the inside.

🌟 Yandere! Townspeople who absolutely cannot fathom the idea of you moving out of their town. They would much rather skin themselves alive and commit arson than to allow you to leave them. Everywhere you go, there will always be some form of eyes on you. There will always be some type of survance of you at any time of the day. Depending on the person, the townspeople's love for you can either be platonic or romantic. Basically half of the town wants to fuck your and the other half sees you as their beloved child or grandchild.

🌟 Yandere! Townspeople who may or may not be human. Like sure they might have the occasional human sacrifices but what town doesn’t!?!? This is totally normal behavior that people exhibit. What’s that? Did you just see a tentacle coming out from that woman over there? Nahhh. You must be imagining that! What a cute and overactive imagination you have there. In all seriousness, it would literally die for you. You're just a cutie patootie to them. Your small teeth are so cute compared to their razor sharp fangs. You know, you could really use that small mouth of yours and suck on their–

🌟 Yandere! Townspeople have a monthly ritual where they gather around to brag about all of the items that they stole from you. Never in your life will you see someone so happy to own a pair of used underwear that didn’t belong to them or some used pair of socks. If you looked up a textbook definition of “down bad” then a picture of the Yandere! Townspeople would be the first images to pop up. In your presence these people act as if they had never touched grass or seen the sun before. They all seem to have some type of mutual agreement that in your presence, they would try to act somewhat normal in order to not scare/scar you too much.

—

From a young age, your luck was apparent. In school, while others struggled with exams, you breezed through them effortlessly, always managing to stumble upon the exact answers needed to excel. Teachers marveled at your natural knack for stumbling upon solutions, even in the most challenging of situations. As you grew older, the extraordinary luck only seemed to amplify. Job interviews turned into job offers within minutes, as if the universe conspired to ensure your success in every endeavor. Colleagues joked that working with you was like having a lucky charm around, as projects that seemed doomed to fail miraculously turned into resounding triumphs whenever you were involved. It might seem great and all BUT DAMN WAS THIS LIFE SO FUCKING BORING!!!! Which is why you decided to spice up your day a little and rob a bank.

“Oh hello [Reader]! Is this going to be the usual procedure?” The bank teller asks you with a smile on their face as you hold a gun to their face. “You know… the weather is perfectly nice today. It would be a perfect day for a date don’t you think–”

Suddenly a thunderous crash was heard, the police burst through the bank doors, their badges glinting under the harsh fluorescent lights. Guns drawn and voices booming commands, they swept into the lobby, faces masked with determination. Until the police chief sees you and lets out a tired sigh, “Guns down everyone, it’s just [Reader].” A faint sound of disappointed groans can be heard from the crowd of bank patrons from the back. “Why are the police here so soon, I didn’t get enough time to admire their pretty face.” another voice could be heard, “For real, their never this fast in an actual emergency. I mean they only just shot and killed one person, it's really nothing to worry about like who cares–”

—

“You are free to go [Reader], again.” the police officer states as she releases you from your handcuffs. “Turns out the man that you shot ended up being a drug dealer. You really have a special talent for catching criminals don’t you. She states as she gazes at you with loving eyes. “You know I’m free after this shift, you think we can–”

Before she can finish her sentence you walk away with a dejected look on your face. You couldn’t believe how boring a day this turned out to be. Seriously, you wished that something exciting would happen in this town for once you think to yourself. Failing to notice a scene behind you. One that consisted of a bunch of monsters eating the souls of the innocent while on their knees for a statue that seemed to look like you. They all seem to be gripping onto something though– HEY, WAIT A MINUTE ARE THEY HOLDING YOUR UNDERWEAR!?!!?

[mx-paint]

.

[linuseer]

I'm tired of people defining Aang as this boring little vanilla guy. Aang helped Katara destroy a factory. He participated in Toph's scams. He shrugged off Katara's theft of the waterbending scroll and heartily laughed at her jokes about it. He was delighted by the Painted Lady ruse. He mastered airbending at twelve and the avatar state at thirteen. He snooped around the old ship after Katara said it was booby trapped and dared her to follow and stepped up to take the blame when it went badly and then surrendered himself to protect the village because he knew he could hand everyone on that ship their asses and escape. He outright lied to two communities that had been bickering for a century to get them to stop. He egged on Katara when she decided to throw hands with Pakku. He wants to ride every big animal in the world ("they don't like being ridden but that's what makes it fun" -unhinged take). He has sick burns for everyone which are doubly funny because they're almost always unintended as such. He threw a clandestine dance party in the nation that banned dancing and thought he was dead and wanted him dead. Before that he corrected and argued with teachers, beat a bully without lifting a finger and then brought his teenage friends to pose as his parents. The whole Bonzu Pippipadaleopsicopolis the Third thing. The being idiots with Sokka in Ba Sing Se thing with the bowing and the busboys disguises. He rightfully asked "what's cosmic power compared to a girl". Let's add all the badass stuff he does as a bender and as the Avatar up to and including energybending and the conversation with Koh the Face Stealer. That time in The Chase when he finished the fur trail and then decided to just sit down, sleep deprived, to wait and face whoever it was chasing them. Aang is one of the funniest and coolest characters I've ever seen and he deserves more respect. Absolutely unhinged kid with immense powers and the world is lucky he's goofy and has a good heart.

[thetransfemininereview]

Do you have any recommendations for gaining access to these books? I have a pretty long list of ones I want to read but can't afford most of them. The library has the big ones (Whipping Girl, Detransition Baby, Nevada) but the newer or less well known ones have been difficult to find

No this is actually so real though. Let's talk about it.

One of the big problems that I'm trying to address here is the fact that there is a lack of ability for trans books to reach their perhaps core audience, trans people. Over the last few years trans librarians have been trying to increase the number of trans books in circulation, but that's super contingent on where you live. Not to mention the fact that, at least in the US, states are actively trying to criminalize circulating trans books in libraries.

I know Tumblr is allergic to economics a lot of the time, but you've gotta look at the math to understand why this is the current state of things. Essentially it's a vicious cycle. Lots of trans people can't afford to buy a $25 hardcover on a whim, and traditional publishers put a lot of stock into how well a book performs on release, cause that's how they make money. So when the core audience can't afford it and isn't marketable, they register that as a lower demand, which means that fewer trans books get published, fewer end up in libraries, and the cost of an individual book is driven higher. Low demand, high price. Then because the price is high, trans people cant afford the books, and the cycle continues.

It is the dilemma of the transfemme author that most of their core audience is also gonna be transfemme. It's a self-selecting process that's very hard to break out of. And at the end of the day, there just isn't very much money to go around in the trans community because trans people so frequently get cut off from generational wealth. So when you get an ecosystem of transfemmes selling books to other transfemmes who also sell books to them....

I took a class on the Sociology of Art a few years ago, and one of my core takeaways was that the boundaries of a field (yes my teacher liked Bourdieu, come for her ass, not mine) are fundamentally governed by institutions and entities with the money and power to dictate their rules of play. In Althusser's language, you would call those ISAs (Ideological State Apparatuses). When you read Weber, he talks about how culture needs to have some level of social legitimation in order to become a force of power in the world (I butchered that but it's the gist lol). And it's like.

The people who have the money to read the books dictate which books receive the money. Organizations like Lambda Literary, presses, big name publishers, etc. One of the big problems in the field of trans literature up to this point is that the only people who've had the money to produce social legitimation from the organizing schema/matrix of an ISA have also only chosen to read a very small slice of the extant literature. Then, because those non-profits and presses and companies only champion a small selection of books, that in turn dictates for those who have less money which of those books deserve social attention, critical acclaim, sales, library slots, etc.

And like, all of that is an illusion, but it produces a material reality for the transfemme author. It dictates the material conditions for the reproduction of said literature and who can participate in it.

So, what's to be done about it?

"Buzz" is a big deal in the publishing industry. A good review, an award, a thinkpiece - all of that can be the difference between a successful book and a flop. Publishers look for that. If nobody talks about a book and it doesn't sell well, they'll drop the author faster than you can say Susan. Again, vicious cycle. But like, at the end of the day, a "field," an "ISA," a "legitimated" work of art, that's all just a class prerogative. The different between a Very Important Literary Blog and a "person talking about books on the internet" is money. Like. It's just money. The reality of it is really banal.

It's who has the money to read books. It's who has the money and time to write about books. It's who has the money to gain institutional access to book. It's who has the money to read enough to say, "Oh, well that might seem true, but if you look at X, Y, and Z it's clearly not." It takes money to fact check. It takes money to challenge institutional myths. It takes money because when an institution makes a claim about a book and none of the people who care enough to argue with them have the cash to challenge it, the claim tends to stand.

And like, the honest truth is that between the books, the website, and the education, I've spent a lot of money bringing this website online in the form you're reading it in. A lot of the books I've read were really fucking expensive. I grew up in a wealthy family, my parents were accepting. They have both the means and the desire to support my passion projects. I'm lucky.

The goal of The Transfeminine Review is to create at least one independently trans-run website that can challenge that brand of institutional legitimation work from non-profits and big publishers and cis outlets, a website that can actually highlight transfeminine literature as it exists in the world, not as the Big 5 publishers have dictated it. Topside, Metonymy, Arsenal Pulp, LittlePuss, etc. They've all taken on that challenge from the angle of producing books, but there hasn't been a corollary trans secondary ecosystem dedicated to documenting and critiquing them. Or there is, but it's extremely diffuse and hard to find if you don't know exactly what you're looking for. Then there are the general queer outlets, like them. and whatnot, and they do their best but literature is a side hustle at best. There's the queer-helmed literary outlets like Electric Lit (shout out Denne Michele Norris) but they spend most of their time talking about cis authors. None of it is designed to help or review self-published literature from poor authors, and let's be frank, most transfeminine publishing is still done indie or self.

It's an investment, essentially. On the longshot, the hope is that this website will inspire others to do similar work, and that eventually through the collective efforts of trans authors and their readership, we can begin to change the math on trans publishing and help to spread it to a wider audience.

Now.

None of this changes the current reality that trans lit is expensive.

Unless you're lucky, you're probably not gonna find much trans lit at the local library even if you dig for it. Another good place to find free trans books is transreads.org, but their selection is mostly non-fiction, and the fiction is, again, largely the same few books you can find elsewhere. Another good online queer library is https://www.queerliberationlibrary.org/, which might be a good place to look (shoutout to Skye for bringing it to my attention!)

There are a couple of cheaper places to find trans books. If you shop around on itch.io, a lot of self-published trans authors have "name your price" models, which can be more accessible. Creators on itch will also bundle their work on a fairly regular basis, so you can get like 10-20 books for $10, which is, by my token, an excellent price.

If there's a particular author you're interested in, a lot of self-pub trans authors have Patreon accounts where they serialize their novels. You also can find serial (pre-edit) versions of a bunch of books on Scribblehub.

This has gotten steadily less affordable over the last few years cause Amazon is evil, but Kindle Unlimited ($11.99 a month, but there's a free trial) has thousands of trans books. Most of them are erotica, but like, there are a lot of hidden gems in there, and if you're a voracious enough reader, then it'll definitely be much cheaper per book than buying trad.

The problem with all of these, though, is that they tend to favor specific genres and tropes. Like there's only so much variety on itch.io or Scribblehub or transreads.org or KU. So if you like the genre conventions, then awesome! But if you don't it's probably not for you.

And none of it will give you access to some of the rare older tradpub books or the new but scarce releases that I've been going through unless you're willing to pay the full price for them.

I wish I had a better answer, but that's unfortunately the current state of the industry :/

Hopefully this ramble is helpful.

Beth

[muwapsturniolo]

♱ 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐆𝐨𝐝, 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐞’𝐥𝐥 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤 ♱

pt.01

IN WHICH…A virgin meets the new priest of her church, father Matt, and her world of all things holy begins to crumble.

WARNINGS… NSFW AHEAD! Religious figures, god is mentioned, Demons, slapping, sex, masturbation, parents being rough with their kids, mind fucking, orgasms, innocent!reader, slight asshole!matt. IF I MISSED ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!

APOLOGIZING NOW TO ANYONE WHO IS SUPER RELIGIOUS! THIS IS NOT MEANT TO DISRESPECT ANYONE, I JUST GOT THE IDEA FROM OTHER SMUTS I'VE READ, THE SONG BY PATD!, AND THE MOVIE MOTHER!

Matt has slowly but surely made a name for himself within the clergy and the church attendees.

He had a way with words that seemed to captivate any and everyone he was speaking to, whether it was male or female. His words gave hope, they soothed you, they made you want more, crave it. It wasn't long before the odds worked in his favor and Father Jon gave him a permanent place in the church, letting him jump from being a deacon to a priest. Some of the clergy members had a problem with it, claiming it was unfair for him to jump to such a high rank in a short period of time.

"Proverbs 14:30...A peaceful mind gives life to the body, but jealousy rots the bones."

The way Matt had stated the scripture sounded much more like a threat rather than a piece of advice. His eyes were dark, his posture firm, and a malevolent smirk plastered on his face.

It was that day the clergy knew they shouldn't speak down upon him, he radiated power, a power no one wanted to defy.

He would usually stand side by side with Father Jon, helping preach to the attendees of the church. Other times he was in charge of the confessional, listening to the people confess their sins.

Father Jon quickly became impressed with his knowledge of the righteous path and integrity, So impressed that he offered a teaching position to him.

Matt took the position by thanking Father Jon with a firm handshake, grateful for the opportunity to teach the young minds of the right way to live.

For the next few months, he taught the senior class. He wasn't strict when teaching, he was laid back for the most part, but he made it a point that he wouldn't tolerate disrespect toward him or Christ. Instead of tests, he opted for long lectures and presentations. His way of teaching made the students love him, they participated in class willingly and showed him the utmost respect. The girls in the senior class were ecstatic about having Father Matt as their teacher, swooning and whispering about him at any given moment.

They fell victim to his charm.

They would call him cute, bring him slices of pies and cake they made themselves, they even talked about marrying him one day and raising their children in the church.

The only one who wasn't following suit in the schoolgirl crush was Y/n.

Now don't get her wrong, she could admit he was attractive, but he was too attractive.

There was something off about him that she couldn't place her finger on.

She would hear whispering whenever she was too close to him, the voices sounding hushed and scratchy. She would see glimpses of shadow people in her peripheral. Most of the time they were standing in the corners, looming over students, or simply sitting at Father Matt's side.

And worst of all...she began to have impure thoughts.

Images of them kissing under the tree in the park would pop into her head, vivid glimpses of his hand trailing along her shoulder only to drop down to her breast...She would see brief glimpses of them rolling around in bed, naked.

It scared her and intrigued her all at the same time. She had never had an impure thought like this before, and she blamed him....But she also wanted to expand on these thoughts.

She knew it was wrong, if God even looked inside her mind she would be stricken down and laid to rest.

"Just like that Angel, so good f'me." He groaned in her ear as she took all of him, inch by inch. Y/n whimpered at the burning but pleasurable ministration that was happening between her thighs, craving more, feining for it.

He thrust into her harshly, her back arching as a strangled cry left her throat. He kept going, feeding off of her cries and pleas, gripping her sides harshly and leaving indentations into the soft supple skin

She felt something forming in the pit of her stomach, the pressure so large she felt like she was going to scream and pass out all at once.

"Let go Angel, let go for your god" He whispered in her ear, a wicked grin across his face. Her eyes clenched shut as she let out a loud and strangled moan.

"Y/N!"

She's snapped back to reality, blinking profusely as she tries to figure out what's going on. She looks around and notices all of her classmates staring at her, some snickering, others with judgment.

She feels the brown flesh on her face heat up in embarrassment, her eyes finally landing on Matt whose already fixed on her.

He's staring at her as if he knows what she was imagining.

"I-I'm sorry, what was the question?" She asks nervously. Matt crosses his arms and licks over his teeth, his eyes narrowing. "You should be paying attention in class Y/n. Spending your time daydreaming instead of learning about your God is disrespectful, and what do I not tolerate?"

She can't help but shrink in on herself from his harsh words, her gaze now cast downward, " d-disrespect towards you o-or God..." Her voice is meek, a clear indication of fright from being reprimanded.

He hums and stares at her for a few seconds before continuing with his lecture.

The day soon ends, the girl quickly making her way through the church to go home. However, she's stopped by Father Jon himself.

"Y/n."

"A-afternoon Father." He smiles at her polite words, but soon turns serious. "Father Matt told me about your little situation today in class. You're never distracted, is everything alright?"

She glances at him nervously before looking down at her shoes. Father Jon can see something is tearing the girl apart, he's known her since she was born and knows this is out of character for her.

"Do you need to confess?"

A barely seeable nod is given, her eyes still cast downward.

"Why don't you go confess? Maybe that will ease your mind and get you back on track."

That seems like a good idea to the girl. If she confesses her impure thoughts and asks for Gods forgiveness, maybe they will stop.

Father Jon sends her to the booth, letting her know someone will be in shortly for her to talk to. She sits on the cherry wood bench of the small box, waiting patiently and anxiously for someone to sit on the other side.

She stops the fiddling of her hands when she hears the door on the other side open and close, a loud thud being heard. She flinches at the sound and listens to the harsh ragged breathing on the other side.

"H-Hello?"

"Confess..."

The voice is one she's never heard before. They sound sick, as if there's a bunch of mucus in their throat.

"U-umm...I-I'm not sure where to sta-Free yourself of the shackles." The words spoken sound like they are being spoken through a sea of static. It's unnerving, but she blames it on her being nervous already.

"I... I have thoughts... sinful thoughts."

She's met with silence so she continues.

"They-They're thoughts of me...with a man...A man of the church... h-he's touching me and I enjoy it. T-they've been happening for a while now, every second of the day....They're worse when I'm around him. It's causing me to be distracted from Christ and I feel dirty, I don't like it. It's wrong and I- It's not wrong"

Her words get caught in her throat and her brows furrow.

"W-what?"

"Your thoughts, they feel good correct? Whenever you imagine him touching you in your most delicate...sensitive areas...it feels nice. You wish your own hands could give you the pleasure. Your skin feels like it's on fire, your breathing speeding up. Your thighs clench together, and you begin to pulsate, an aching feeling in between your legs. Your core aches, wishing that everything you're imagining is real-" As the voice begins to spew the erotic words, the images begin to flash through her mind, knocking the air out of her lungs.

She can feel them.

Her thighs clench together tightly, one hand gripping the bench while the other claws at the wall of the confessional to steady herself. Her skin feels hot, her clothes suffocating her. She feels the sweat forming on her forehead, dripping down the side of her face.

Unintentionally she begins rocking her hips, grinding down on the bench. The combination of her clenched thighs and rocking caused a knot to form in her abdomen, her movements getting faster. Faint whimpers fall from her mouth as she clenches her eyes shut, chasing whatever it is shes running after.

"That's it Angel."

The voice, Matt's voice, sounds so real, almost as if he's whispering in her ear instead of in her head.

"You feel it, that hot burning ball in your stomach? Let go, let it take control."

The back of her head hits the wall of the confessional harshly, her eyes rolling back as her thighs shake. She feels a liquid roll down the inner part of her leg and dripping on the floor.

Her once tense body relaxes, her mind in a state of delirium as she takes deep breaths.

Her eyes snap open when she hears the door of the confessional slam. She comes to her senses and quickly scrambles out of the booth. Her head turns both ways, analyzing the empty hallway. Once she figures no one was a witness to whatever happened a few seconds ago, she speed walks away from the booth.

On her way home, she kept replaying her moment in the booth. The words that were spoken, the euphoric feeling she experienced...

She loved it.

She wanted more.

She soon makes it home, immediately being met with her parents in the kitchen.

"Y/n, you're home late." Her father gruffs out. "Father Jon wanted to speak to me after class." She lies swiftly, not even thinking twice like she usually would about it.

"About what?" Her mother raises a brow, questioning her response.

"Me joining the choir."

Her parents become elated, glad their daughter might finally have a place in the church. They usher her out of the kitchen, telling her to go shower and get ready for dinner. She does as told, taking the time to lather her body in vanilla-scented suds.

she dries herself off and pulls on her satin nightgown, putting on her slippers and making her way to the kitchen by skipping.

She feels awake, she feels alive, she feels happy.

The family of three eats their dinner, mainly in silence. The only noise heard being the scraping of utensils against the porcelain plates.

As she eats dinner, her mind drifts back to the confessional booth, that aching feeling between her thighs returning.

She discreetly clenches her thighs, adjusting the way she was sitting. Her parents noticed but chose not to say anything, figuring the chair was just uncomfortable. Dinner is soon finished, Y/n helping her mother wash the dishes.

"Did you want ice cream for dessert? I picked up the vanilla one you like." A loud clap of thunder is heard as Y/n turns to her mother.

"No, I'm going to go to bed."

Her parents were shocked by her turning down the dessert. She loved vanilla ice cream, for her to turn it down was unusual. They watch as she retreats up the stairs.

The girl waltzes into her room, closing the door softly, and falling into her bed. Her body melts into the twin-sized mattress, some of her stuffed animals falling to the floor. She relaxes as she hears the pitter-patter of rain falling onto the roof, falling into a calm trance as she closes her eyes.

Her relaxation is quickly interrupted by the ache between her thighs returning. It causes her to become restless, her body twisting and turning.

She clenches her thighs hoping to soothe the ache, but she's unsuccessful. She huffs and sits up, sliding to the edge of her bed. She tries to recreate her actions in the booth, her bed squeaking as she moves back and forth.

But once again, she was unsuccessful.

She grunts and crawls back to the top of the bed, falling back into her pillow. As she does so, her nightgown slides up, showing her white panties.

She looks down and bites her lips, contemplating. She recalls a story from one of the girls at school whose older sister was caught using her hand to do what's called "masturbation". She claimed her sister did it every night until her parents found out.

Of course, the girl was sent away by her parents, but Y/n wasn't thinking about that. The only thing on her mind was satisfying the throbbing between her legs.

Her right hand shakes as she moves it toward to cotton material, hesitant to do what she believes is wrong

But It's not wrong... Right?

The clergy member who listened to her confession told her it wasn't wrong.

leading with that, she dives in.

She slides her hand under the band of her panties, flinching at the foreign feeling but continuing. She props her legs up, planting the soles of her feet flat on her mattress.

She slides a single finger through her folds, gasping at the new and exciting touch. She feels a thick wet mixture on her fingers, moving it around. As she does so, she touches a certain part of herself that makes her gasp softly, her back arching as another flash of lightning hits. Deciding that she likes the feeling, she circles that spot, her index finger drawing lazy shapes.

Her body twitches, her toes curling as her eyes roll back.

This was an all-new feeling that she quickly became accustomed to. She doesn't understand why masturbation is such a taboo,

It was euphoric.

As she draws lazy patterns, gasping and whimpering softly, her closet door creaks open...But she doesn't stop. In the back of her mind, she thought it was whatever shadow she's been seeing the last few months coming to get her.

But it wasn't the shadow...

It was Father Matt.

It seems as if the whole house shakes with the booming thunder, lightning striking once more as he moves closer to her.

Her jaw drops as a shock goes through her body, her eyes fixated on Matt.

"You look perfect Angel....Masturbating right under the lord's eye." His eyes fall on the cross right above the head of her bed.

The erotic words make her back arch.

She feels that hot coil in her abdomen again, her finger moving faster to reach that high from before.

"Oh God, Matt!"

Matt smirks at her, his hand coming down to grip her jaw, "You're so close Angel...and yet, you're not going to finish."

Before she could question his confusing words, her door was slammed open.

Her head turns and her eyes land on the baffled and enraged faces of her parents. She snatches her hand from her underwear, her eyes wide in fright. She yanks her nightgown down as she sits up, her heart thumping in her chest as her father marches toward her.

"Daddy wait I ca-" Her face whips to the side, her body falling to the floor.

"How dare you! You're a Sinner, a Jezebel!"

His voice echoes throughout the home, mixing with the sound of booming thunder. Tears form in her eyes as she looks up at him, "I-I'm not a Sinner! I'm not a Jezebel! What I did was ok, I felt good! It's not a sin!" Her parents stare at her with wide eyes, their ears ringing as they hear her words.

"S-she's possessed... She needs to be cleansed." Her mother murmured, her face pale and looking sick. Y/n turns to her mother in fright, "W-what? No no! I'm not possessed! I swear to God-You lie under God's name!" Her father shouts once more. He grabs her by her arm, yanking her to her feet and yelling in her face.

"I always knew you were a hellion, getting into trouble by claiming you would see shadows, and had an imaginary friend named Matthew!"

He scoffs in disgust, barely able to look at her.

"You're a liar, a sinner, an awful excuse of a daughter." He begins to pull her out of the bedroom, ignoring her cries and pleas to stop. He drags her down the stairs, not caring about the way she misses a few steps and falls.

He yanks her back up and pulls her out of the home, the harsh falling rain drenching their bodies.

"Daddy stop! Please! I'm sorry! I'll do better! I'll pra-PRAYING WON'T SAVE YOU NOW!" Just as his words fly out, lightning strikes a nearby tree, the branches falling into the street immediately.

"We need to get to the church!"

While soaking wet from the rain, her father shoves her into the backseat of the car. The two adults climb into the front of the car and fly out of the driveway, heading straight to the church.

Y/n sits in the backseat sobbing. She doesn't know what she did wrong, she was told it was ok.

"Please! I-it was an accident! It won't happen again!" she pleads hopelessly. "You're damn right it won't!" Her father shouts as he quickly parks the car.

He tries to pull her out of the car but she fights back, kicking and screaming at him to get away from her. In a fit of rage, he grabs a handful of wet curls, yanking her out of the car.

She yells in pain, her knees dragging against the wet and rough pavement.

The clergy was currently having a meeting, the main fathers' gathered around the podium, talking about Sunday service. They were in the middle of choosing what scriptures to read when suddenly the doors burst open, the family of three tumbling in.

"Oh my, what's going on here?" Father Marcus asks as everyone looks at the crying girl in her father's arms.

Y/n's father drags her towards the priests, "Forgive us for intruding, but we need your help! Y/n she's-she's possessed!"

The fathers gasp at their words.

"Possessed? What do you mean possessed?" Father Jon asks as he stares at the crying girl. " Tell them what you did!" her father sneers. She shakes her head, too embarrassed and frightened to even speak.

he throws her down to the floor, yelling at her to confess her sins.

"He told me it was ok! H-he told me sex and touching myself was ok!" she sobs once more.

The fathers gape in shock, this was new for her. She was usually so bright and innocent, always following the right path, but they have noticed a difference as of late.

"I have noticed a difference, she's not as bright as she used to be...Always looking off into corners as if she sees things." Father Garrison speaks lowly. "Please, help us! Do what you did before, she needs he-Dousing her in holy water won't help."

Everyone turns to Father Matt as he speaks, "What do you mean Matthew?"

"I mean that she needs more than just holy water."

The other fathers look at each other, then back at the new member.

"Then what do you suggest?"

Matt's eyes fall on the mess of a girl on the ground, staring down at her with hungry eyes as she looks up at him with tears.

"An Exorcism"

PT 2!!!! WHAT WE THINKING YALL?!?!?! SEND IN STUFF TO MY INBOX WITH YOUR THOUGHTS OR EVEN JUST COMMENT!!

𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 🍑: @mattslolita @thenickgirl @guccifrog @luverboychris @zayyluvz @mrsmiagreer @chrisssluttywaist @78yaz @hoesformatt @freshloveforthefit @3lizaluvs @mattsturniolosgirlfriend @jetaimevous @luxy-nyx @ts-is-my-spirt-animal @iihrtsturniol0 @idontexistman @katw4shereee @madisturn @starlace111 @zivall @adoreindie @imwetforyourmom @sturnsxplr-25 @sturncakez @theyluvme-2315 @moonk1ss3d @@babyalliah-777 @sturniololol @oliviasturniolo21 @ariithereyet @blahbel668