#and that op is being ableist for getting upset

[sluttylittlewaste]

Y'all know that the people who are going to love you the most in the world are still going to be annoyed with you at times right? That impatience and frustration are human emotions that everyone invokes in others at some point or another? That being loved as a neurodivergent person doesn't mean finding people who are never bothered by your needs or behaviors, but rather finding people whose love for you outweighs those incompatibilities? Y'all realize that sometimes you might just...talk too much on a day that your partner would prefer silence? Or make a mess on a day your roommate just cannot handle having to clean up for you? Or that in the months you spent in hermit mode you were actually unavailable to a friend who really needed your support?

Y'all understand that at times your friends/family/partner are going to have needs that misalign with yours and that BOTH OF YOU are going to have to figure out the best way to handle that?

[lakeinstillness]

man I still have to see some of the most ableist bullshit from mh fans every day. skipping over the op of the posts themselves, who should know better by now too. do you think about the posts you reblog.

[dollsinvogue]

This is not my usual type of post, but it is something that I believe is important and I feel that talking about something through a misunderstanding with dolls can be a chance to educate people in this community!

I am not a Twitter/X user (I hear the doll community is especially brutal on there) but I was sent these tweets. I mean absolutely no hate to the original poster of these tweets, these were sent to me cropped so I am unsure of who op is or if there is more to the story, so please forgive me if I have missed something.

Op is saying “oh…” because the doll is a wheelchair user, but on the box art the doll is seen standing.

I can see why this may be seen as a problem, and it’s likely that op is someone who thinks of wheelchair users as completely wheelchair bound, which many people do so I don’t blame them (if I saw this doll a few years ago even I may have been upset my her standing). But not every wheelchair user is completely unable to walk and/or stand, this is called being an ambulatory wheelchair user.

This tweet of theirs followed up:

I do agree with op, I highly doubt that this shein/temu brand doll was trying to “represent” an ambulatory wheelchair user, this was likely a fluke that she happened to be drawn standing. But it is not necessarily a bad thing or an ableist action.

Many wheelchair users are ambulatory; whether that means they can only stand from their wheelchair to grab something high up, or they can go for a walk three days in a row before they flare up and have to rely on their mobility aids to get around. These individuals are still disabled and are still wheelchair users.

To be completely honest, I do not care that Defa Lucy is standing, I’m more curious about how she moves as she has no access to her wheels, nor a control panel? To me, that is a poor design choice, even if she is just a doll and can’t move the wheels on her own so there is no “practical use” of the access, it is a significantly more incorrect design choice than her just being drawn standing up. (Not that I think the brand cares about portraying this topic accurately in any way, however, I feel one is more realistic than the other, even if it is “just a doll.”)

[foxwyrm]

Edit: turns out op misinterpreted another post, and made an albeit poorly-worded response to it. It was not their intention to hurt those with intrusive thoughts, as they suffer from those as well. While they definitely could have worded things in better taste, it was not their intention to make a "thoughtcrimes are real" statement. I will delete this post if op wishes.

😐? 🤨?

I am NOT going to respond directly to op because well I do not think they would treat me very well ! however I'm mad at this so I'm posting here

- urges are morally neutral. urges are morally neutral. whether or not you ACT on that urge determines morality. I thought we knew that intrusive thoughts are not representative of personal interests! I get violent urges towards human beings sometimes when I'm upset! But I don't act on them because that's bad and i know its bad!! I am not a bad person for having violent urges, I am a good person for not acting on them!

- "you don't have to question whether or not you're a piece of shit for wanting to harm...your pet" well op you see the people you're talking about probably already feel really fucking awful about these urges then and therefore are probably not acting on them. but here you are, making them feel so much fucking worse for something they genuinely have no control over

- insanely ableist language all around from op to be honest.

- "if you want to do gross things like animals in the wild that's fucked up" .....a lot of us are animals. "animal" comes with this gross parts too. you can be uncomfortable with it and cater your online experience to avoid it but like. animals are going to do animal things man. a lot of predatory nonhumans hunt deer and that's cool! Good for them! I am uncomfortable around guns, so I generally don't interact with nonhumans who frequently post about hunting. Maybe people posting about their violent or otherwise gross urges upsets you, which is really valid! Most intrusive thoughts ARE extremely upsetting, especially for the person having them. so instead of making them feel worse, just move on, block if you need to.

- all in all op is a fucking ableist asshole who only cares about the palatable side of nonhumanity.

Nonhumans, and humans! who have incredibly disturbing intrusive thoughts, urges, etc. and feel gross and awful about them: you are not a bad person. you cannot control intrusive thoughts, that's why they're called intrusive. your thoughts do not determine if you're a good being, whether or not you act on them does.

[eelfuneral]

I know that I’ve touched on the harassment that people are getting for posting theories about Tech being alive, but there is another element that I believe we should discuss: the fact that the harassment is being disproportionately lobbed at autistic fans. Now, I’m not trying to imply that all of the people leaving these nasty comments are sitting around thinking about how much they hate autistic people, but whether they realize it or not, the types of posts that they tend to leave nasty comments on tend to be posts made by people displaying what might be autistic traits. In fact, a lot of posts that have these harassing comments are made by people who make it no secret that they are autistic and sometimes even mention it in their bio.

So what do I mean when I say that a lot of these posts may hint at OP being autistic? For starters, autistic brains tend to latch onto things with a great deal of intensity, and sometimes our brains latch onto specific fictional characters. We know logically that these characters are not real and that there are objectively more important things to worry about, but our brains simply do not care. Focused autistic interests are a source of a lot of comfort and stability for us in a world that is often overwhelming, and they are important to us as a result. A lot of the people dogging the Tech posts seem to take issue with how “obsessed” people are with the character and his survival, which in some cases, is due to OP simply being autistic and having a focused interest.

Another trait that can manifest in autistic people is difficulty with emotional regulation, meaning that even “small” things can make us more upset than our peers. The people leaving harassing replies seem to have picked up on the fact that people are “too emotional” over a fictional character and sometimes even make their replies extra graphic (ie. “he’s rotting at the bottom of the chasm”, “he’s flesh paste”) in order to get a rise out of the OP. Obviously, not everyone who makes posts like these or has these challenges is autistic, but I believe that my point still stands that going after people with these traits will cause autistic people to be disproportionately targeted, which is an ableist pattern.

Sometimes, however, the harassment feels more intentionally targeted at autistic fans. A lot of Tech fans really value Tech as autistic representation and feel like killing him off in our current popular culture environment where a fair chunk of autistic portrayals are negative is in poor taste. The “Tech is dead, get over it” harassers blatantly ignore or ridicule these statements, showing zero empathy to the people who feel seen because of this character. I have seen people bulldoze into posts where autistic fans talk about how much they hope he survives because they see themselves in him with comments like “he’s dead, get over it.” In one instance, I saw an allistic fan tell an autistic fan that Tech was “forced diversity” and that if Disney was going to attempt autistic representation, then the character shouldn’t be “boring” like Tech. I don’t think I really need to explain why this is inappropriate.

It’s fine to disagree with a popular fan theory or debate about it in good faith with someone who is up to it, but what I am seeing goes well beyond that. Harassment is never, ever okay, and you should know better than to leave replies like the ones in these screenshots below when you see a fan theory that you don’t agree with.

[thisismisogynoir]

I cannot with this.I get that 'narcissistic' as an insult is inherently ableist but Hobie's not 'an ableist fuck',he's a fictional character and it was a one off line💀Like this just screams white,imagine hating like the first mainstream black punk character that's actually as popular as they should be and is like the blackest designed superhero ever PLUS a literal fascist killer and huge activist that took in a trans girl bc her abusive dad kicked her out........because of one line he said that was never backed up or referenced.We never should've let yts have Spiderverse ong

I agree so much with this. Now I won't deny that using "narcissist" as an insult is ableist and I can understand op being upset at Hobie for that, it's still a wild reach to claim that Hobie is ableist because of that one line. He is a fictional character who does not exist in a vacuum, he is controlled by writers who chose to make him use narcissistic as an insult. If there's anyone you should be upset with, it's the writers.

Hobie has always been shown to be nothing short of open-minded and woke and respectful of other people's cultures and identities, and promoting freedom and anarchism in general because, fuck, that's what punk is all about! Even I, someone who has a very low opinion of men as a whole, think Hobie is amazing and would love to hang out with him if he were real! He just seems like a really warm and welcoming fellow! And at the end of the day, no one is perfect, even woke and open-minded people have their blind spots, so even if we separate the art from the artist we could always say that Hobie, as someone from the 70s, isn't aware that using narcissistic as an insult is ableist, and would definitely apologize and do better. Like demonizing cluster-bs is something that is so normalized and embedded in our culture that even the most progressive and super well-meaning people can still fall prey to it. Yes, even other disabled and neurodivergent people, including those who ARE cluster-b and don't know it. Hell, I'm cluster-b and consider myself a progressive person and in the past I used to use "narcissist" "sociopath" and "psychopath" as insults because I just didn't know better. Once I did realize it was bad, however, I stopped. And the same could be true for Hobie.

If OP is so mad about it(which is fair, but still) they could always just write a fanfiction or create a headcanon where Hobie learns the true implications of using cluster-b terms as insults and stops doing it. Hell they could even hc Hobie as being cluster-b himself! But taking it out on the character and calling him an "ableist fuck", when, once again, you're all right to be upset, but that's a little bit too much. I bet if Hobie was white or non-Black this person would have patience for him and understand that it's not his fault, but the writers' faults, but because he's Black, because he's dark-skinned and Black, and alt to boot, he's a big bad scary monster who would definitely beat up narcissists and sociopaths for fun and therefore he must be demonized, attacked, and mistrusted according to this person.

TLDR OP get a grip.

[finallymothman]

Somebody praise me for the character growth that I’ve shown by NOT dragging someone by the hair for having zero media literacy.

As someone with autism, it grinds my gears when people get upset that the fandom headcanons Gale as autistic.

There was one particular post that was talking about how it’s ableist to think Gale’s autistic because “he’s not a naive idiot, and Mystra didn’t actually groom him”

(Which how is hcing him as autistic calling him a naive idiot? And you think hcing him as autistic is ableist?)

Also, in their 900 hours of play, OP managed to miss Minsc said how people had to hide little boys from Mystra when they started showing signs of being good at magic. But sure, she’s not capable of grooming.

But aside from that characterization of Mystra, she literally did groom him. Like, I don’t know what OP thinks grooming is, but this video details the dynamic better than I could sum up in a tumblr post.

“LeAvE mY PiXeL hUsBaNd aLoNe”

GIVE ME A BREEEAAAAK, the weave is his special interest, Mystra’s a bitch who, at best, use her power and influence with gross irresponsibility. I’m so sorry you don’t know what autism looks like when not paired with an intellectual disability. Argue with the wall.

[disabledunitypunk]

We deleted our reblog because people were still, even with anon off, harassing the blog admin and being incredibly ableist towards them.

Taking the words of a severely disabled person who at times has been bedbound and literally too sick to even scroll social media for days on end in the worst faith possible when they tell disabled people who are objectively more disabled by their conditions that talking about the experience of BEING more disabled and how statements like theirs harm us, is ableist.

Assuming that every disabled person is capable of doing some form of hobby - yes, even media consumption - and erasing and speaking over severely disabled people who are telling you we sometimes or always can't - is ableist.

Equating anything that some people can't do with being a good or bad person - is ableist.

Sending these kinds of asks:

"having hobbies is ableist??? are you fucking nuts??"

Having hobbies isn't ableist. Tumblr users piss on the poor and you didn't actually read our reply. Equating having hobbies with being a good person and not having hobbies (almost everyone who can have hobbies chooses to do so, by the way) with being a bad person - is ableist.

"so after your fucking tirade was posted, someone decided to start sending anons telling someone to bash his wifes skull in and break her legs so she knows what real disability is. do you call that activism? or unity? because i call it fucking threats. THAT shit is literally VIOLENT ableism. you are fucked. you are absolutely fucked. delete your blog youre literally fucking insane and you dont stand for unity in any sense of the fucking word. you are sick in the fucking head."

- Assuming we are responsible for or even condone truly horrific ableist harassment. To be clear, that is ableism on an entirely different SCALE of the microaggression OP is guilty of. That is unacceptable, and we hope the person receiving those asks reported them and that the user minimally gets IP banned from Tumblr entirely, and that the victim of those asks even gets the authorities involved if necessary.

- Calling being upset by something that personally harms us a "tirade"

- "you are literally fucking insane" as an insult

- "you are sick in the head" as an insult

Those last two are literally just abject sanism. They are equating sanity and sickness to morality/immorality. This is literally the justification ableists have used for hundreds if not thousands of years for oppressing mad people, and the basis of mad liberation is fighting this ableism.

"There's no way this blog is run by multiple people lol. This is the hub of one very mean brat."

Okay, even setting aside that both mods are plural, let's assume they meant my multiple bodily people. I... don't know why we'd have any reason to lie about this? Quite honestly, if it weren't for Mod Cloud taking over admin, I would not be able to continue to run this blog. I'm also curious what was "mean" about saying "this is ableism I'm personally affected by". I think the meanest thing I said was saying "OP says hobbies make them happy so maybe they should spend more time on them because they seem unhappy", because it was a bit snarky, though still genuine.

Also, nice use of infantilizing language with "brat". And now getting back to us being plural: it is pluralmisia and sanism to insist that multiple people in one body are one person. I wanted to address that we are bodily two, because I know that is what that person meant, but it is also just literal ableism to insist systems that identify as multiple people are singlets. (Parts-based systems who identify as one person, however, are valid, and should be addressed as such.) Any accusations of insanity or sickness of the head for being that way are also pluralmisia and sanism.

These are just three among quite literally HUNDREDS of examples. At one point, there was one every few SECONDS while Mod Cloud was trying to answer the good faith anon that wasn't understanding my reply (to that anon, even if you still disagree, thank you for being kind).

One said we should be institutionalized - you know, the form of violent nonconsensual removal of autonomy used to oppress disabled people for as long as institutions have existed? They wanted to not hear us speak about ableism so badly they wanted us to be incarcerated and coercively medicated. THAT'S ableism.

THAT is ableist harassment. That is you disagreeing with a disabled person and taking offense to them interpreting their own experiences as ableism, and following that up with spamming and dogpiling the blog in order to shut us up. You are actively trying to stop us from talking about our experiences with ableism. While I don't know whether the anons sending these were abled or disabled, that's the level of ableism I'd usually only expect from abled people. So if you are also disabled, shame on you for turning on your own community. If you're abled, uno reverse, shut the fuck up forever.

There's a block button. You're allowed to disagree with other abled people about ableism. It's not okay to spam harassing and ableist asks because a disabled person says something you don't like. And you might want to do some serious thinking about why you don't like it, and why you feel the need to say that someone could never be so disabled by their disability as to be unable to do hobbies.

This is what happens every time a disabled person calls out ableism on the internet. Other disabled people jump to lick abled boots and say "no, it's not ableism because it doesn't personally affect me!" They say "Every disabled person is abled enough to do [thing that some disabled people can't do]". They literally pull up examples of inspiration porn. They twist everything the original person said, often to the point of claiming OP said the OPPOSITE of what they actually said.

They try to shut down discussions of ableism. That is, itself, ableism.

Finally,

To all the people in the notes missing the point and saying stuff like this:

"the idea that disabled people can't participate in the arts or crafting or hobbies or anything is so insulting to the disabled people who are doing all of those things (and excelling at them) as we speak"

The existence of more severely disabled people who can't participate in those things, according to you, is insulting to disabled people who are more able to do those things.

Also, to the person talking about how consuming media counts as various hobbies: yes, and thank you, but please note that it is possible to be so disabled and sick that even that isn't possible. PLEASE listen to severely disabled people.

Also, to the person who was snarking about taking shit in the worst possible faith on the internet by saying this is ableist: that's exactly what people are doing WHENEVER a disabled person points out ableism, including on this post. Just because you don't want to believe you are capable of being laterally aggressive to people who are more strongly disabled by their disabilities than you, or that you have privilege over them, doesn't mean that it's true. Sit with your discomfort instead of immediately telling people who are extremely sick and bedbound that actually, we're harming you when we talk about our own experiences.

That's crybully behavior. As much as you might want to play the victim here, you're not.

We will republish our statement at a later date, once harassment has died down.

I am truly disgusted with the cruelty and bullying from within the disabled community on the internet today. Check your privilege and recognize that not every disabled person IS capable of having hobbies. I even talked about how much of a negative impact that can have on our quality of life, and how if it's possible to get to the point where you can do so, that's really important for your personal health and happiness, good grief.

It just doesn't make you a bad person if you can't currently or can't ever do that, and doesn't make you any more likely to be an asshole to random strangers on the internet.

(Plaintext: It just doesn't make you a bad person if you can't currently or can't ever do that, and doesn't make you any more likely to be an asshole to random strangers on the internet.)

And in the unlikely event that it is other people disabled to the point of not being able to participate in hobbies saying this: please advocate for yourselves instead of caving to the pressure. You deserve to not have your inability to do activities you love equated to being a worse and lesser person. You deserve better than having it assumed that you'll hurt people just because you can't occupy your time the same way they can, especially when they are being cruel while actively having hobbies.

[murielsbottombitch]

What do you think of this..... "do not befriend depressed people" "do not befriend anxious people"

https://www.tumblr.com/lesb0/751368839799930880/do-not-befriend-insecure-people-do-not-befriend?source=share

(no one go to this persons account to harrass them, I will block you instantly. you do not speak for me.)

this person states on their blog that this is their diary and so is just a personal note to themselves but they posted it online publicly with no statement within the post that this isn't advice for other people, so I will respond to it as it is. I have no ill will towards this person. I will not swear at or insult their person. please keep things civil. this is not intended to attack this person but only criticize their words.

keep in mind when reading that I'm responding to several recent posts of lesbo, not just the one sent

content warning for ableist language, abuse and manipulation mentioned (no detail)

long post ahead

I get what the point is. if someone is emotionally abusive or manipulative, you are not obligated to stick by them regardless of if it's from personal issues or not. you are not ever obligated to put up with anyone's behavior. you shouldn't be expected to stay friends with people who gossip, insult you, stalks you, refuses to take accountability or who make you uncomfortable, mentally ill or not.

that being said, insecurity, anxiety, depression and delusions are not inherently harmful and implying that it is is gross. they do not dictate your actions and it is ableist to assume they do. that's the biggest issue with their posts, they blame someone's mental illness/state rather than their behavior. if someone is constantly bringing the mood down, you ask them to stop and they ignore you, the problem isn't that they're depressed, the problem is that they ignored your feelings. if someone is talking shit about you, the problem isn't that they're insecure, the problem is that they talk shit. if someone is disrespectful, the problem isn't that they're jealous, the problem is that they're disrespectful. it's not a difficult concept but it's one many people do not understand.

the fact this person doesn't want to have close relationships with mentally ill people isn't a problem in my mind because they shouldn't. not just for their sake but for the sake of mentally ill people who need a more deft hand to take care of them. this post is focused more on how someone's mental illness effects op rather than the mentally ill person, that is not a healthy relationship on either side. this person doesn't have the mental fortitude to take on others burdens and they seem fine with that. I'd rather op avoid hurting someone who's already hurting by getting upset with them for hurting in a way that hurts op, you know? it saves everyone a little time.

and op, if you're reading this. I think you should talk to a therapist about your habit of mirroring. mirroring to that degree is not an inherent trait of young women, it's a sign of having distorted or frail self image. I used to be friends with people who were really judgemental so I had the habit of mirroring them to feel like I was good enough to be in their presence. I would demasculinate myself, hide things I enjoy from them and pretend to like what they liked because it meant not being criticized. that is not something someone in a healthy state of mind does. I only stopped mirroring to that degree after separating myself from them and everyone else, taking care of myself to learn who I truely was without outside influence. if you're mirroring bad behavior, maybe self reflect as to why that is. are you looking for validation? is it to feel safe? to feel like you're superior? really listen to yourself and what you want. was it really the fault of a mentally ill person that you mirrored their mental illness or was it yours? why did this happen and how could you actually prevent it from happening again? if this is a habit of yours that has happened several times, you may be the common denominator. I'm being completely genuine, I'm not trying to insult you. I really hope you get better and are able to have more stable relationships. please do talk to mental health professionals, you don't sound like you're in a great place mentally from what I can tell.

excuse me if that last bit was really armchair psychologist. I just feel like there's hurt behind these posts, not malice, even if the posts are harmful in the long run.

[syscourse-confessions]

[💙] Trying to use Twitter and avoid syscourse is so annoyingly impossible. Everyone in one of my fandoms is like "endos are fake! stop co-oping our experiences and faking did and trying to gaslight people into thinking they don't have trauma!" like WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS. Isn't this supposed to be a fandom for a show made for 12-year-olds?? Why am I constantly getting ableist discourse on my timeline. Being pro-endo on Twitter sucks. Like, can I not just accept that people with other experiences exist without people writing a 25-tweet thread about everything I've ever done in my life?? Also, why do people on Twitter compare people being radinclus/pro-endo/pro-mspec/whatever made up discourse they're upset about for the day to serious topics like grooming or supporting incest? I hate Twitter.

💙 - Vent

DISCLAIMER: Posts may or may not reflect accurate information. More info here: https://www.tumblr.com/syscourse-confessions/728819621058232320/disclaimer-treat-posts-here-like-you-would-any

[xxlovelynovaxx]

So tired of people not understanding that neurodivergence can make you visibly disabled. Yes, including autism and ADHD.

So tired of people acting like ableists abuse us on the basis of physical disability and not either visible disability or not meeting abled standards while invisibly disabled.

It really is about inability to conform to abled hegemony. Someone made a brilliant post about that (if this was you, PLEASE let me know so I can give you credit!!) and it's so true.

Went into the notes of a post to find someone (physically disabled + ND) calling other physically disabled ND people able-bodied for daring to mention ADHD on a post that was "originally about physical disabilities" when in their OWN reblog they said it was originally about schizo-spec and plural stuff!!

Like yeah obviously ND people can be ableist towards physically disabled people bb, they're being a perfect example! They're literally a doubly disabled person being ableist to other doubly disabled people! I swear, if I see another disabled person of ANY kind acting like it's impossible for them to be ableist I'll scream!

It's just like... yeah, the type of abuse changes if you're invisibly disabled or visibly disabled but no, neurodivergence doesn't mean you can't ever experience the types of ableism these people claim are unique to physically disabled people. Because, get this, neurodivergence can be visible, it can be physically disabling, and also, SANISM targets visibly disabled neurodivergent people in basically the EXACT SAME WAY as PHYSICAL ABLEISM does visibly physically disabled people.

Not to mention, most bigots are not actually able to TELL which is which, because they're UTTERLY ignorant about disability - you know, one of the FEATURES of ableism?? Or do you think schizophrenic people get called cripples and wheelchair users get the fucking r slur slung at them as some kind of "clever" ableist subversion?

Honestly, before I went into the notes that post had very good points! Even something reblogged by OP literally about ADHD/autism that WASN'T ableist, which is what makes this so frustrating. I'm only vaguing because this is me processing, I've blocked that OP and don't wanna invite harassment to them or anything either, just like...

(Never mind that I also quite literally can't separate my physical disabilities and neurodivergence ones. That's always what's truly upsetting to me. Mine are two trunks that merged seamlessly into one tree a ways back down. You CANNOT say I'm facing ableism for only my physical visible disabilities when... it's always both. There is no one or the other. They're so interconnected that if one is causing me to face bigotry, the other is too by default.)

PS I hate people acting like low support needs high masking tiktok autism/ADHD is the only kind that exists - or that even those people are the true violently ableist oppressors. Like there's a term you should learn, it's called "lateral aggression", because get this, ABLEDS are our real oppressors, wow!

PPS I'm gonna start fucking calling them neurodisabilities instead of neurodivergences because y'all seem to fucking forget that neurodivergence can be disabled (and just as fucking disabling as physical disabilities. some of y'all will bring up severe neurodevelopmental disabilities in order to justify eugenicist ableism then conveniently forget about it when you're trying to win oppression olympics).

PPPS if this post applies to you, read the banner below and suck a dick, cunt shits!

[schnuffel-danny]

https://schnuffel-danny.tumblr.com/post/703811669350121472/schnuffel-danny-this-isnt-directed-at-anyone-in

Good post, but I feel that something is missing. A lot of things, actually...

What is an "harmful stereotype" exactly?

Who decides what is and what isn't harmful and to whom?

What if what you consider a harmful stereotype is someone else's way true of being/this depiction brings them comfort?

If you feel like a creator made a harmful stereotype, what should be done about it?

Call them out on it (and risk forcing someone to out their own mental health issues in order not to be harassed)?

When is it calling someone out for causing harm and when is it straight up censorship?

Isn't it okay as long as the creator adds warnings or tags to avoid their work?

These questions brought to you by a trans man who was dogpiled and harassed for "harmful stereotypes" in his own vent art about his own trans experiences.

To be clear: I do not need an answer to all these questions, but I do think it's important to remember that you cannot look into another person's head and see what they were thinking when they made something, and decide whether or not they should be forced to alter or erase their art for your own comfort.

I feel like you're putting words in my mouth, nowhere in the post do I advocate for callouts or harassment. I only ask that people be mindful of the fact that sometimes even fictional scenarios can parallel real world mental illness and stereotypes around it. That's it, that's the whole post. What people post is ultimately not up to me and I'm not going to go out of my way to seek out content that makes me uncomfortable. I never assume people create fan works in bad faith, and I don't believe anyone else should either, the post isn't calling anyone hateful or ableist - sometimes people just don't know where certain tropes may have come from. I don't even tell people to completely avoid all potential stereotyping, I just ask they don't get too swept up in it. I really am not going after anyone and I absolutely realize sometimes people's work isn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows, mine isn't either! In this case what I meant by harmful stereotyping is, for example, when portraying Plasmius as a separate consciousness from Vlad it gets blamed for all of Vlad's actions - Vlad was a completely rational and kind man until his mind 'split' and the voices in his head started telling him to kill people. I think it's pretty understandable that someone who has alters irl might see this and think "Oh hey, this kind of makes it sound like this person thinks all alters are inherently evil, that's upsetting." Does the OP actually think that? Probably not, but the way they write this scenario that bears striking resemblance to to irl issues seems like they've only seen this type of mental illness portrayed in a negative light before. I think people create to tell interesting stories, and sometimes to do that they take aspects from works they've seen that (unknown to them) may have been made in bad faith. I really hope you didn't send this ask with the goal of starting an argument, I'm not here to fight about opinions online, I'm here to post mediocre art and unfunny shitposts. All I stand for is unrelenting kindness, not harassment and witch hunting. I don't ask people to look for art to get angry at, I ask people who create to do a little bit of research on dissociative disorders before they integrate a direct parallel to them into their work. I obviously can't know what someone's real world experience with mental health may be, but I hoped that the wording of the post made it clear that it wasn't meant for people venting about their own mental health, but for people who don't experience dissociative identity or similar issues. English isn't my first language and I have problems that make communication through text incredibly hard. I understand that people will not get my intentions fully from one post as they cannot see into my head, but I hope this clears things up a little. This is the last thing I will say on that issue, thank you for reading.

[t4tnalu]

idk how to say this tactfully but, most people describe something that could majorly hurt “the economy” as crippling it. it’s a widely used phrase. should we maybe come up with a new term for this? absolutely yes. but one person on tumblr saying it does not mean that they are uniquely ableist.

Okay one, idk why you think that synonyms for the word don't already exist, and two, it wasn't really the inclusion of the word in the original post. It was the fact that after people brought it to their attention and asked them to change it they refused and started mocking people who were rightfully upset.

Which I said in the post. So unless you're reacting to my initial reblog of the post, in which I did not actually call op ableist yet because I was giving benefit of the doubt, you're being willfully obtuse.

I know you prefaced this saying you didn't know how to word this tactfully and like, I get that, but also this really did come across as condescending.

[pan-to-the-head]

Thank you so much for asking about the use of 'narcissism' on that aita post. I've had the same question for like two years now but am too afraid to ask, and most discussion of it I've seen ended like how that person talked to you--ending by blaming you somehow and saying you were taking their words in bad faith, when really the term narcissist is older than the diagnosis and, as you pointed out, really isn't different than describing someone as antisocial or paranoid. I think it is different than calling someone autistic or cancerous bc those are medical issues USED as insults, not insults that were then used to DESCRIBE patients (which is the real issue, imo, people are putting the cart before the horse here). Anyways sorry for the long ask, I'm autistic myself and have been wondering forever about this and have never been brave enough to ask outright.

thank for your words, anon! I’m really glad you appreciated what I had to say. I wish I could see the replies from That Person you speak of, but alas, That Person has blocked me. I can only see my own replies. here they are:

I hid their username cause they might not wanna talk to me. yknow, cause they blocked me. totally valid btw. I was being incredibly irritating. apologies.

link to the original post: https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/746300326107381760/aita-for-getting-upset-over-my-partners

I may not be able to see That Person’s replies, but there were some other relevant takes on the matter:

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I ran out of colors Mar 29

Pretty much esh, i get being upset but calling him a narcissist is a big no-go. Both of you have a right to be upset here, i hope you can come to a compromise by communicating and not using insults.

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not saying the usernames Mar 29

Because of the huge difference in severity here I'm voting NTA, but you shouldn't be using narcissist as an insult because it is ableist against people with NPD. Seriously, though, he's reasonably upset about intolerable noise that triggers his trauma in his home and so in response he's making intolerable noise that triggers your trauma in your home? The asshole office workers probably can't even hear it well enough to tell what he's saying.

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not saying the usernames Mar 29

Hey tumblr peeps...why is OP ableist for calling him a narcissist but he's not ableist (or narcissistic) for thinking only his truama matters and if OP doesn't 100% agree with him they're against him? Like l'd just like to know how we're defining these words now

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not saying the usernames Mar 29

@/not saying the usernames narcissist =/= abusive. people with NPD are not inherently abusive and often have NPD because of abuse. its ableist to perpetuate the idea that narcissists are all abusive, not to mention how many people get called narcissists (without actually having NPD) as a synonym for bad person

not saying the usernames Mar 29

I feel i should say that i dont think OP is "just as bad" as their partner for using narcissist in the way they did, but it is something to note for in the future ykwim? anyways OP you might want to reconsider this relationship, your partner seems uncaring of your trauma and how their actions may affect it.

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not saying the usernames Mar 29

@/not saying the usernames I never called their partner abusive. A narcissist is someone who can only consider themselves and their feelings, that's exactly how their partner is behaving. If the partner was diagnosed with NPD can we call them narcissistic but not abusive?

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not saying the usernames Mar 29

@/not saying the usernames narcissist is someone with NPD. what you are describing is someone who is self-centered. having a disorder doesnt make someone exempt from being abusive, but being a narcissist doesnt make someone automatically abusive.

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not saying the usernames Mar 29

NTA except for calling him a narcicist. Don't pathologize him being a jerk.

not saying the usernames Mar 29

That said, frankly I don't trust this guy. He claimed you're insensitive for... being hurt by suspiciously specific actions that he could reasonably expect to hurt you.

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I ran out of colors Mar 30

ESH

I ran out of colors Mar 30

@/not saying the usernames the disorder was named after the adjective, not the other way around. you can be narcissistic or a narcissist without having NPD.

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ran out of colors Mar 30

@/not saying the usernames Narcissist as an insult predates the disorder being named. It's no more ableist than saying "paranoid" is ableist to people with paranoia.

ran out of colors Mar 30

Like, if anything, you should be saying whoever named the disorder is ableist for naming it after an insult (though idk what better term you could come up with to describe what it is)

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not saying the usernames Mar 30

@/ran out of colors If you'd keep up with what people with personality disorders are saying about these issues, you'd know that it's generally agreed upon that the names and diagnostic criteria were written by ableists in the first place. That doesn't absolve modern people of the responsibility to not make the stigma against these disorders worse. Everybody knows the word predates the disorder, but people with NPD have repeatedly stated that its continued use as an insult stigmatizes their disorder.

not saying the usernames Mar 30

"The normal word came first" is a ridiculous argument when that is also the case for like half of all slurs. Are those all okay to say now as long as they meant something else first?

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I think I copied those down right.

anyway, this is the second ask I’ve gotten because of my comments on AITA posts. I’ve also been blocked by users because of my comments on AITA posts. obviously, this is incredibly shameful and I am very embarrassed. I give my sincerest apologies to anyone that has witnessed my behavior in the replies of AITA posts. thank you for your patience. pls forgive me.

toodles :3

[xxravenbirbxx]

I do not like the message “if you’re alone in life it’s because you’re unlikeable and complain too much”. That is the case with some people but the majority of people alone in life are mentally ill and suffering, not just mean people. And mentally ill people should be able to talk about their experiences with their friends without feeling like they’re being annoying and are going to lose their friends. This is how I hear people constantly talking about ex-friends, I guess. I don’t treat my friends like that, I care about them and their well-being. People who are alone in life have enough to deal with without tumblr posts telling them if they shut up they’d have more friends, or the reason they don’t have friends is because actually, they’re mean people. I’d rather have just a few good friends than be alone with a lot of friends, which that post seems to be supporting. I want close bonds and openness and honesty and trust. Not to bury my emotions and fear they’ll leave as soon as I share that I’m depressed.

[follow up ask] It really annoys me that people treat “doesn’t have friends” as a red flag when we live in a society that is fatphobic, ableist, racist, transphobic, homophobic, etc. and abuse is rampant. Because of my avoidance and being an easy target for abuse, I don’t have a lot of friends and sometimes I get really hurt by one of those people and have no options but to drop them. Like my partner cheating on me, and then the “friends” I have (the only queer leftists I’ve met in the area) taking his side because he gives them things, while I am poor. Leaving me friendless. I really think it’s evil to assume that people are miserable because of their own doing. It’s inherently ableist and the poster and commenters of that post deleted it for a reason, I’m sure. I’d guess that reason - they didn’t expect a commenter to add tags that made the original post ableist, and then everyone in the notes was calling out OP and others who didn’t see the ableist reblog that you boosted got confused about why mentally ill people were offended.

fuck i must have badly misinterpreted that post when i read it this morning. i reread it and realized how shitty it was and deleted it. thank you for bringing this to my attention, and i'm sorry to you and anyone else who was hurt or upset by said post.

[leper-klng]

HATE this wave of people refuting harmless posts with ‘well some people are/have xyx’ like someone just posts like ‘i hate when people idk move slowly in a busy street’ and immediately gets like a trillion of replies like ‘well some people are physically disabled or dont notice because of mentall illness’ like its so damn obvious OP’s post 1. clearly exempts/excuses who fall into that group just like any other normal human being 2. was not a jab at those groups at all like if op was ableist they wouldve just said so. its not even a case of ignorant behaviour its just ........ idk normal?

furthermore, most of these people saying these things dont even fall into that category, theyre just upset they fall into op’s description and are scrambling to find excuses to justify why they do that. even if it means using other living people as a ‘gotcha’ like nobody wants you to die if you do mildly annoying things that incoveniences everybody. its ok if you walk slowly in a busy street. its ok to be an incovenience sometimes. christ.