#and then I took those stupid clown pictures and then I went to my moms

[cloneboywonder]

Goodnight we are all in Patrick world together I’m kissing all of you

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 3

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 9.9k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

--------------

"But I want to sleep..." Seohyun complained.

"Is sleep more important to you than us?" Wooyoung asked.

"Of course it is. Is that even a question?" Seohyun raised her brow and Wooyoung gaped at her.

"We've been friends for long now, Wooyoung, I thought you knew better not to ask questions like these," Yeosang said, laughing.

It had been more than a month now since that incident with San. Seohyun looked at each of them slowly, smiling. Despite herself, she had gotten quite used to the company of these boys. And they were EIGHT. It was hard to not be alone. Even if some of them were busy, the rest would always fool around after school as well.

Seohyun had gotten to know them well now too. She knew that Hongjoong, the oldest, also acted like one. He had a thing for fashion, and had reformed her navy blue cap that she always wore, embroidering a cat on it.

Seonghwa was the mom of this group for sure. He was always keeping them in check, always stopping them from doing something stupid (which was most of the times) and always helping them with homework. He was very caring, and he couldn't hide that part of himself.

Yunho was the clown of the group, and surprisingly, she was getting along with him and Yeosang quite well. Yeosang and her had the savageness in common, which mixed well with Yunho's humor. Since the three sat next to each other, they would always pass a joke or two to her even during class, and she had to beg them to stop one too many times.

Wooyoung and Mingi were quite funny too. There was just something contagious about their smiles. Seohyun found herself smiling a lot in their company. It didn't help that Wooyoung laughed like a hyena; even when she had no reason to laugh, she'd burst out laughing when she heard Wooyoung laugh.

She was getting along well with Jongho too, especially because they were paired for a project. She hadn't had the chance to talk to him much but once she did, she found that he was actually quite witty despite his dad jokes, and that he loved singing and... breaking apples. Which was weird but it was fun to see how strong he was.

"All you do is sleep, Seohyun. You have to come with us now," San insisted.

Seohyun stared at San. She was glad they were out of danger -for now. The old ghost had finally moved on after realizing that killing Seohyun was not worth it (thanks to Jiwoo). San had gotten close to Jiwoo as well. When she was not hanging out with the boys, she was with San. He liked being in her company because apparently 'he didn't want to look stupid alone staring at the distance'. He could see all sorts of ghosts now and Seohyun was helping him practice differentiating between the living and the dead.

"All right, but if I see something stupid, I leave. Okay?" Seohyun locked eyes with him and he nodded assuredly, smiling and showing off his dimples.

Hongjoong had been insisting that she finally come to their 'second home'. Apparently it was a warehouse that Hongjoong's father owned but had no use for so Hongjoong turned it into a place for him and the boys to hang out. She had no idea what they did there, and they finally wanted to show her the place because they all 'approved of her now and accepted her as one of them'.

The warehouse wasn't far from school so they decided to walk there. The black cat was walking with them now. San bent to pick her up, patting her head.

"Still didn't come up with a name?" Seohyun asked.

"You rejected Shiber. I don't want any other name," San pouted.

"I told you you could call it Shiber, I'll just... call it whatever I call her... hey what do I even call her?" Seohyun wondered.

"You never actually call her, do you?" San laughed a little, caressing the cat's neck, "She sticks to you, and you didn't even give her a name. I'm disappointed in you."

"I couldn't find the right name," Seohyun mumbled, frowning.

"Still, she's been your friend for what, like a year now-"

"FINE. Shiber. That sounds like a male name though."

"It's my plushie's name, but she reminds me of it," San admitted.

"You're naming my cat after a plushie? SAN!" Seohyun punched San's arm, making him laugh out loud. Wooyoung joined them, grinning.

"San's had that plushie since he was a kid," Wooyoung said. "I'm not surprised that he couldn't come up with any other name."

"You should've told me before, I would have never allowed him to name the cat then..." Seohyun shook her head but grinned.

"We're here!" Hongjoong announced, and Seohyun took off her sunglasses as she looked at the large warehouse, the sun reflecting harshly back at her, making her eyes water.

They went inside, Seohyun stepping in last and she blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Mingi turned the light on, and she ran her eyes around.

"Woah," she breathed. It really did feel like a 'home'. The place had everything they could think of; sofas, couches, tables, a fridge for snacks, a basket for basketball, and so many musical instruments and equipment. "Are you guys secretly famous musicians or what?"

"Nothing like that," Seonghwa laughed, "We just really like music. Hongjoong is always making songs though. We fool around."

"I wouldn't call this 'fooling around'," Seohyun said, walking towards the equipment, stopping mid-way. "Can I?"

"Of course," several of them replied, nodding. She smiled as she ran her fingers across the piano, looking at the speakers and the mics. She saw some pages, probably lyrics scribbled on them, lying on the table near.

"So you guys... make music? Do you want to be idols or something?"

"For now, we're just exploring," Jongho replied, "Who knows? Maybe some of us might want to go into the musical side."

"So you all sing?"

"I'm the rapper," Mingi said, "Hongjoong raps too."

Seohyun made an impressed face. She pressed some of the piano keys, and something clicked at her mind. She looked up at Hongjoong as a grin spread across her face. "So that's why your fingers are always tapping at the desk. You make music!"

"Oh? I'm surprised you noticed," Hongjoong admitted.

"It's hard to not notice when you're sitting in my vision with fingers tapping nonstop while I'm trying to focus in class. You were doing something like this today, weren't you?" Seohyun said and played the keys that had unintentionally been printed in her memory.

"Woah, I'm more surprised that you remembered it!" Hongjoong clapped in disbelief and then narrowed his eyes at her. "Do you... know how to play?"

"The piano? Not much. But I have a drum set at home," Seohyun said and she saw as the boys looked at each other, applauding her.

"What?" Seohyun asked.

"We knew there was something about you," Wooyoung went on dramatically, waving his hands as he said "who knew we had a shared passion for music?"

"I wouldn't call it 'passion' per se, it's more of a... hobby. A stress-reliever, if you will. And stop ogling at me like you guys won a jackpot. I know what's going through your heads, and I say no."

"But you can play!" Mingi wailed, "We need more people to play the instruments! These guys-" he pointed at the boys one by one, "-they never learn!"

"Hey, hey, hey, look who's saying! Didn't you want to learn drums? What happened to that?"

"I don't have a drum-set!"

"I can play too!" Jongho and Yeosang complained.

Seohyun watched as the boys started arguing among themselves, and she shook her head. She had never imagined they like making music this much. If she had known, she might not have told them about her drums, much less her room full of instruments at a time like this.

"If you don't shut up, I'll never bring any instrument here."

"You mean you will if we shut up?" San asked, followed by Seonghwa who said, "You have more than one instrument?"

Seohyun sighed. "This is overwhelming, okay? Like I respect what you do, but I'm still new to being friends with you all, and it would take me some time to open up to you guys about the instruments. It's just... I have some memories- I don't really want to go back there."

"Oh..." San raised his brow and she bit her lip. She hadn't lied. She had some memories attached to those instruments that she would rather forget. It had been about two years since she'd played. She wanted to shut out that part of herself. She wanted to throw those instruments, but she hadn't been able to.

"Can you just... tell me which instruments you have, other than the drums?" Hongjoong asked cautiously.

Seohyun rolled her eyes. "Drums, bass, electric-"

"WOW!" Wooyoung gasped out very loud.

"-and violin. And I can play piano and guitar too. But it's been like two years since I last played so I'm probably very rough now..."

"Is one of your parent a musician or what?" Yunho asked.

"No, the drums were my mom's. The rest, I bought them when I was going through a phase."

"A phase. Wow," Yeosang snickered, earning daggers from Seohyun.

"Alright, we won't pressure you or anything. But you're free to play the piano if you want to," Yunho suggested, "and you're free to do whatever you want."

"Thanks for understanding," Seohyun muttered, smiling at him.

"But I wanted to learn the drums..." Mingi wailed.

"Who knows? Maybe I'll be the one to teach you," Seohyun said nonchalantly, making him smile his famous gummy smile.

"So anyways, what's with those mirrors?" Seohyun asked.

"Oh, that? We like to dance too," Jongho said.

"Oh my god. You guys should stop watching all those idol videos..."

"But we're good at it!" Wooyoung laughed, "And anyways, even if we don't go down that route, we love doing it anyway. It's our way of releasing stress."

"Sure," Seohyun nodded.

"Don't tell me you can dance too," Seonghwa narrowed his eyes at her.

"Oh no. I don't think I can," Seohyun admitted. Unless you could count those random 3 am sad twerks as dancing. The boys watched as she suspiciously tried to avoid their gaze, looking around.

"So now that we've told you so much about ourselves, how about you tell us something that we don't know?" Jongho suggested.

"I don't know what's there to tell," Seohyun said, her eyes unintentionally falling on San who lightly shook his head.

"Anything. Something. It's just that we'd like to know you more," Seonghwa smiled warmly at her.

"How about you just ask me and I'll answer? Because it feels like I'll never be able to start myself..."

"Or how about," Yeosang started, a devilish smile spreading across his face, "we play truth or dare?"

"Oh no..."

----------------

Yeosang made everyone sit in a circle, and though very reluctant at first, Seohyun had to sit down too (after being dragged by Wooyoung). They discussed the rules; they could choose between truth or dare, and if a person didn't want to answer a question they should just say so instead of lying, which would earn them a penalty.

Hongjoong spun the bottle, and Seohyun prayed it would never land on her. At least not today. She wasn't feeling it. She still thought that the eight of them were well knit as they were, they didn't need her between them.

The bottle landed on Yunho, and he laughed nervously. Jongho asked truth or dare, and he replied with dare. Not fair, Seohyun thought. She wasn't sure she would ever choose dare. She had no idea what sort of dares they were gonna give.

"Alright, show us your golden retriever! You haven't done that in a long time!"

"Golden retriever?" Seohyun asked. She had heard them talk about it once or twice, but she had no idea what it was about.

"Ah, I'm getting nervous~" Yunho laughed awkwardly. She supposed it was because he was gonna do it in front of her for the first time.

"Come on, don't be shy," Wooyoung teased and he nodded, taking in a deep breath. He turned his head back, then looked forward, his eyes a bit wide as he made a paw out of his hand and flicked it, barking in the cutest way possible.

Seohyun was silent for a moment before she burst out laughing. She was howling at this point, making the rest of them laugh too.

"At least I made her laugh!" Yunho said proudly.

Seohyun wiped tears from the corner of her eyes. "That was hilarious. You really do look like a puppy, Yunho."

"Thanks?" Yunho said and laughed.

"Alright, next!" Jongho said, spinning the bottle, and to Seohyun's relief, it stopped at Hongjoong who was right next to her. He wailed.

"I choose... dare."

"You all are gonna end up choosing dare. I'll be the only one choosing truth it seems," Seohyun groaned.

"You know what to do," Yeosang said, locking eyes with Wooyoung who nodded. "Michael Jackson impression."

"NO! I CHOOSE TRUTH!"

"It's too late to turn back now!" San said.

"It's embarrassing enough to do it even in front of one of you, and now there's EIGHT of you. Alright. Here goes nothing." Hongjoong got up and straightened his clothes. He took a few steps back so everyone could see. He made the famous pose and sang Billie Jeans, attempting to mimic Michel Jackson's style. It would have been okay if everyone hadn't burst out laughing, making Seohyun laugh a little too.

"How did you even come up with this?" Seohyun asked in disbelief.

"I don't even remember now..." Hongjoong pouted. He spun the bottle, and it landed on Wooyoung.

"Truth," he smiled rather proudly, folding his arms.

"Who do you love more, Hongjoong or Seonghwa?" Yeosang asked. The rest of them laughed as Wooyoung's eyes went wide in panic.

"That's like you're asking if I like mom or dad more! Isn't this unfair?"

"Who did you like more though?" Jongho asked.

"Mom-"

"You like Seonghwa more. Alright, next!" Hongjoong concluded, leaving Wooyoung attempting to explain that it was not like that anymore and he liked both of them equally, but everyone was ignoring him. Seohyun thought it must be an inside joke too.

"Your turn," San smirked at her. Seohyun, who had been distracted and hadn't seen the bottle spin, eyed them suspiciously.

"I move my eyes off the bottle for a second and it lands on me. Are you sure you didn't cheat?"

"We did NO SUCH THING," Wooyoung huffed.

Seohyun locked eyes with each of them. "Fine. Truth."

She watched as the boys looked at each other, suggesting questions while Seohyun tried to calm the rumbling storm of nervousness in her stomach. Should she have gone with dare?

"Can we ask... anything?" Mingi looked at her and Seohyun shrugged.

"I mean, we're friends now, right? So go ahead. If I think it's too personal, I'll say so." Seohyun nodded and the boys looked at each other before finally turning to her.

"What's the real reason you don't have friends?"

Seohyun's eyes unintentionally went to San's, and the boys noticed, looking between the two of them. San shrugged, as if saying 'I tried.'

"Does... San know something?" Seonghwa asked cautiously.

"You don't have to answer, you know that right?" Yeosang added.

Seohyun sighed deeply, nodding. She looked at San again, who nodded back, pointing behind her and mouthing Jiwoo. Seohyun sighed in relief now. She might as well give it a try.

"Since you guys shared something today, I will too. But it's kind of... weird. Unbelievable. You might think I'm lying. You might think worse things. Whatever you think, do tell me, because I can prove it."

"Don't tell me you're some sort of a secret agent," Yeosang said, earning a slap from Hongjoong who shushed him.

"Alright, we'll hear you out," he said.

"I... can see ghosts. The dead."

There was a moment of silence before Jongho raised his eyebrow. "What? You mind saying that again?"

"I said I can see the dead. I can see ghosts. I can touch them. I help them move on."

While the boys exchanged looks, still in disbelief, San smiled at her and Seohyun nervously laughed. She had finally said it out loud.

"So you can... see ghosts? Like in the movies?" Mingi asked.

"Yep. They're just like us. Unless they're old."

"How do we believe you? I mean, you could be joking," Yunho asked.

"Well, San knows," Seohyun said, and everyone looked at San, who nodded, then looked back at her.

"How does he know?" Wooyoung asked.

"Long story. He got caught up in something, which led him to discover my secret and eventually led him to seeing ghosts too."

"You both are mad." Wooyoung laughed nervously.

"You want proof?" Seohyun challenged.

"Sure. I can do with that," Wooyoung folded his arms, anticipating.

"Alright folks, you're in for a surprise," Seohyun heard Jiwoo say. Jiwoo rubbed her hands and went near Seohyun, picking her hair and making it look like it was flying in the air.

The boys... shouted.

"MEDUSA!" She heard someone shout amidst them. San tried to calm them down but it was no use. They all were... freaking out, to put it simply. Half of them were gasping while the other half was laughing in disbelief.

Jiwoo dropped her hair down and they watched as she pulled the sunglasses off her shirt and the glasses magically disappeared.

"Where did the glasses go?" Wooyoung asked.

"Ji- the ghost. Her name is Jiwoo. She's a friend of mine. So when she takes something of mine, it would disappear once I'm not holding it anymore. But-" Jiwoo handed her the glasses back and they watched it appear out of thin air, "when she gives them back, here they are."

"Is this... magic or really a ghost?" Jongho asked.

"It's a ghost, believe me," San finally said.

"So you can see ghosts now too? How?"

"Let me explain," Seohyun said, and narrated the events, giving a little backstory about how she was born with this, and that she actually helped ghosts move on.

"That's kind of cool though," Yunho commented.

"Wouldn't call it cool," Seohyun muttered and Seonghwa noticed.

"It must not be easy to live like this..." he said, and she hesitantly nodded.

"Is that why you changed schools so often?" Hongjoong asked and she nodded. The boys looked at each other, trying to figure out what to say.

"Well, you won't have to worry about that again," Yeosang said, "We'll help you. You won't have to move again if something happens."

"It's not that easy, Yeosang. If something unexplainable happens, I won't be able to hide it."

"Oh don't worry about that," Mingi laughed, "unexplainable things always happen to me. We'll cover for you, trust me."

Seohyun was, for the first time, touched by how earnest they sounded. They really were a weird group of friends.

"I'm kind of jealous that San can see ghosts now too," Hongjoong sulked. "Can't we see too?"

Before Seohyun could answer, everyone else burst into complains too about how they wanted to see too. "Hey hey," Seohyun began, "first of all, it's too risky. I almost died and then San was able to see."

"WHAT!"

"You forgot to tell them that part," San muttered.

"Ah, right. So when I had to teleport San, we ended up in the other dimension, right? So I had to teleport again, and I had a massive nosebleed plus headache. I passed out too."

"Oh..."

"Even if it was easy, I would never do that to you. And I wish I could take it away from San. I wish it would fade," Seohyun said, and San looked at her, shocked. He had not expected this.

"It's not about it being cool, San," she locked eyes with him, "Being able to see ghosts mean you're attracting danger every second. Thank god you can't touch them. That means they're not able to touch you, not directly. I want you all to be safe, that's why I won't ever do that to the rest of you."

There was a moment of heavy silence, then Seonghwa broke the ice. "I understand. It's okay, you don't have to do that. We want you to be safe too, so if you're ever in some sort of danger, don't hesitate to ask for help."

"Thanks Seonghwa, I really appreciate it." Seohyun smiled.

"It's really unbelievable though. What does this ghost look like?" Wooyoung asked, eyes brimming with curiosity.

Seohyun grinned a little. "Well, she's a girl. Jiwoo. She's about my height, has long black hair with red streaks. Has a mole on her cheek. Also, she's weird-"

Jiwoo kicked Seohyun's back lightly, but she just continued. "She died in a car accident. A ghost with amnesia. Unbelievable is the right word, Wooyoung."

"Woah. She sounds familiar though..." Wooyoung looked towards Hongjoong who shook his head. Seohyun noticed but didn't comment on it.

"So you're waiting for her to remember so she can move on?" Hongjoong asked.

"Yeah. She's been sticking with me for months now, and I got used to her."

"Ah... that's understandable," Hongjoong looked at his wristwatch, "Anyways, we should go home now. it's late."

"I thought we were playing truth or dare. This turned into a horror show. How will I sleep at night!" Mingi wailed dramatically, making them laugh. Wooyoung called him 'scaredy cat' and San said, "Like you're one to say."

Seohyun smiled at Jiwoo. This had been an unexpected night, and she had never expected them to believe her and not make fun of her. She looked at the boys, bickering, and smiled at them.

She felt comfortable.

-----------------

The next few days at school had been... annoying, to put it simply.

The boys were very excited at the new discovery about their friend they had made. They simply couldn't contain themselves- save for San, and Seohyun found her patience wearing off day by day.

It wasn't that she was ungrateful for how things had turned out. She simply hadn't expected this sort of a behaviour. Secondly, she did not know how to deal with 7 excited boys who couldn't stop asking her the most stupid of questions.

She had to admit some of the questions did make sense. Like Yeosang asking if a ghost's touch and human's touch was any different. Seohyun shook her head as she thought of how the question had shook her.

"What do you mean?" Seohyun asked.

"Do you feel different when a ghost touches you? Like, Jiwoo. Does her touch feel different than a regular human's?"

Seohyun inhaled sharply as she was reminded of the time she had spent in her music room, laughing, with him, holding his hand, touching-

"I'm sorry, was it a wrong question?" Yeosang finally asked and Seohyun realized she had been staring at him too long.

"Uh, no. I'm sorry I zoned out. I suppose it is- it is a bit different. I don't know how to explain it. It's not... warm."

Seohyun shook her head as she waved off the memory. Another memory made its way....

"This friend of yours, Jiwoo," Hongjoong asked, "is she here right now?"

"She may not find the idea of dying twice appealing," Seohyun muttered.

"What?" Hongjoong furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Now why would a ghost attend school? Surely she doesn't wish to die of boredom. AGAIN."

Hongjoong laughed. "So she's not here? Do you know her full name?"

"Ahn Jiwoo, I think," Seohyun replied. She noticed Hongjoong's eyes gleam as his mind worked.

"How old do you think she is? And can you describe how she looks like?"

"Playing detective, are you?" Seohyun raised her brow.

"Just answer. I may have something."

"Well, she looks our age, maybe a year older, she has an average face, honestly I haven't noticed much. She does have red hair."

Hongjoong nodded slowly, and Seohyun asked when he was going to let her in.

"I'll just check something. If it's true, I'll tell you."

Seohyun shook her head again. She should really be focusing on class. But her mind went back to think of the stupid questions. Yunho had asked if 'ghosts could eat' and when she had replied no, he said he was just wondering if they did eat, did they excrete as well. And if so, was the ghost realm full of-

Shit, she thought as she heard Yunho giggling. "You keep shaking your head. What's wrong?"

"Believe it or not, I was actually thinking about you," Seohyun admitted.

"Oh?" Yunho turned a bit towards her, smirking. "And what scandalous thoughts made you shake your head so much?"

"How in the world could your brain wonder if the ghost realm was full of ghost shit?" Seohyun almost shouted, but clearly she hadn't been quite as well. She earned a warning glance from her teacher and sunk in her chair as Yunho shook with silent laughter.

After the class was over, Hongjoong made his way to Seohyun.

"Is Jiwoo here?" He asked.

"Again, no. Why are you so interested in her?" Seohyun folded her arms and Hongjoong snatched Seonghwa's seat from his spot, sitting near her and placing a book on her desk.

"This is last year's yearbook. We have some photos from an event, and I want you to tell me if you spot Jiwoo."

Seohyun raised her eyebrows. Jiwoo- she could have been a student here?

She supposed it was possible. San turned too, muttering how he can recognize her too, and they flipped the pages, checking each one carefully until finally San pointed at a person and looked at Seohyun, who had paled.

"That's... Jiwoo. How did you know, Hongjoong?"

"I guessed when you told me her name. San told me how she had died of an accident and had amnesia, and I could remember hearing something about a senior here who had died in a car crash. So I put 2 and 2 together and here we are."

"But, this doesn't help much, right? We only know that she was a student here. What's this got to do with how she died, and why she is still here?"

"There were rumours circulating her death," Hongjoong sat back, "Her father was a prisoner falsely accused of some crimes, and she was trying to get justice. I talked to some of my senior friends, who had been her classmates, and they told me that she had started receiving some threats."

"And they must have given all this information to the police too?"

"Yes," Hongjoong nodded, "Now you know her identity. You can talk to her friends, go to her home, and finally help her move on."

San felt his heart sink as he looked at Seohyun. They both were thinking the same thing. Seohyun had grown very attached to her and she did not want to do this. She gulped, and nodded slowly.

"Of course. I guess I should thank you..." As the words left Seohyun's mouth, Hongjoong heard something bitter in her tone.

"Did I do something wrong?" Hongjoong asked, and Seohyun didn't reply, only shook her head no, and San shushed Hongjoong, mouthing that he'd explain later. Seohyun got up abruptly, her bag falling off from the chair. But she didn't hear it. She couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything.

"I need some air," she muttered and rushed out of the classroom, leaving the boys staring.

"Shit," San clicked his tongue, "You did the right thing, Hongjoong, but you have to understand. Jiwoo is her friend. A sister to her. If she moves on... I should go after her."

"Are you sure I did the right thing?" Hongjoong asked him as he gave him space to move. San nodded and went after Seohyun.

"It looks like there's more to the story than she lets on," Yeosang commented. Hongjoong only looked at the door. It did seem like it.

San ran around the 1st floor where their class was, then went downstairs, hoping she was somewhere here. After checking the empty rooms, he went outside, towards the lawn, and found a figure sitting near a tree, staring in the space. He narrowed his eyes, then spotted the cat wandering around her, and his shoulders sank in relief.

He wasn't sure if he was the right person to be there. Surely Seonghwa could comfort her better. Or Yunho. But he was the only one other than Seohyun who would miss Jiwoo. He could relate to her, somewhat. So he decided to sit down beside her.

As he did so, he realized she was shaking. San looked at her worried. "Seohyun? Are you alright?"

Seohyun couldn't breathe. She was having some sort of an attack, like the ones she had about two years ago. She heard San alright, but she was afraid if she spoke, she'd cry.

"Here, have some water," San uncapped the bottle and closed her hand around it, and she managed a sip then handed it back to San.

"This is about Jiwoo, right? She's your friend, and you don't want to let go of her. I understand, Seohyun."

Seohyun sighed, fisting her hands. It wasn't just about her. It was the flood of memories that had come crashing without a warning when she thought of Jiwoo disappearing.

San put his hand on hers, caressing it, hoping it would give her some sort of comfort. He looked at her. All her walls, her strong walls she put around her were breaking down. Her lips were parted and wobbling. She looked like she might cry any second.

"You want to talk about it?" he whispered, and she sighed, nodding, taking deep breaths. She wouldn't cry. Not right now.

"You know it. I have grown attached to Jiwoo. Hell, she practically lives with me. I shouldn't have allowed this in the first place. I knew she was going to move on someday, yet I grew emotionally attached to her. I'm so weak."

"You're strong because you helped her too. She had no memories. How do you think she would have felt if not for you? She couldn't even go to her family or friends. You became that for her."

"I know," Seohyun bit her lip. "It's not just that. It's... I- I had someone. Like her. He and I... We were close. And one day, he was gone-" She bit her lip again, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay. You had no one then, right? You have us now. You have more friends than you could have ever thought of. You're so brave, Seohyun," San said, putting an arm around her shoulder, rubbing her back as he smiled. "You're one of the strongest people I know. We're both going to miss Jiwoo, but we have to help her move on. You don't want her to stay here too long now, do you?

Seohyun shook her head. San smiled again as she looked at him, making her smile a bit too. "There. We'll send her off with a celebration, okay? No more sadness. Okay?"

"Okay," Seohyun smiled. She could do that.

"Let's get back to class," San said, getting up first then helping her up. She dusted off her clothes and they walked in comfortable silence back, though San had to admit he felt weird. His heart... wasn't acting right.

Hongjoong casted a cautious glance at Seohyun as she entered, but she passed a little smile as she settled. Yeosang looked curiously at her, and she made a face.

"Is something bothering you?" Yeosang finally asked. He watched as Seohyun sighed. Sometimes it felt to him like she was carrying the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. Like she would bend under the pressure.

But she was strong too. She passed a little smile and said, "Yes. I'll talk about it later."

Yeosang just nodded, watching her curiously as she stared at her notebook. And then she sat back in her seat, staring at San.

---------------

"You're telling me that I was a student here? That this is a big, big 'coincidence' that you had to transfer, of all the schools in the city, right here?"

"For the hundredth time, Jiwoo, yes. I know you think I transferred here on purpose, that I somehow found about your life and didn't tell you, but believe me, this is a big, big coincidence." Seohyun replied, looking at San for help.

San shrugged, saying, "The way you're always hanging around Seohyun, when do you think she even had the time to plot this?"

Seohyun clapped her hand, smiling approvingly at San. "See? I told you he isn't that dumb. That is a great point, San." She watched as San shook his head, the faintest trace of smile on his lips.

The three of them- with the cat, of course, had this meeting in the same park that Seohyun and San had once teleported in. It had took a few days for Seohyun to finally settle with the fact that yes, Jiwoo was going to move on. But it won't be like before.

Seohyun found herself thinking of that time. The piano. His slender fingers gracefully playing music. His hands guiding hers across the keys. His contagious laugh. His deep eyes, covered by dark tendrils of hair-

"Earth to Seohyun?" Jiwoo was clapping in front of Seohyun now and she blinked. She cast a quick glance at San, who was watching her more confused than curious.

"Yeah. I'm back. What are you planning?"

"I suggested we show her the photo. She might recognize some people from the photo." San said.

"Also, I walked around the school building a few times, and it did feel familiar. I thought it was just because it was a school and schools are, you know, pretty much built the same. But I would have the strongest of headaches when I walked there," Jiwoo admitted.

"A ghost having headaches? Here's something to tell Yunho," Seohyun thought out aloud, "Though one might think that death would relieve you of all worldly headaches..."

"It's probably because of my amnesia. But yeah, San's right. I'll have a look at the photo. I'll come to school tomorrow."

----------

"Wow, that's me," Jiwoo gasped.

"Of course it's you," Seohyun muttered. Jiwoo ignored her and continued to stare at her picture. Seohyun cast a look at the boys. They were watching the book flip pages on its own, their mouths slightly open in surprise.

"She can hear us, right?" Wooyoung asked Seohyun, who wanted to make fun of Wooyoung but wasn't quite in the mood. She was more busy thinking if Jiwoo would indeed remember something.

"Come closer, Jongho. We're still in class, no one should see the book moving on its own," Mingi motioned with his hand.

"No one is looking unless you start acting weird," Yeosang commented.

"I'm having the worst headache right now. Is this normal?" Jiwoo asked.

"You're a ghost, unnie. Nothing's normal about you."

Jiwoo tsk-ed at her and then looked at Hongjoong. "He should know something about where exactly I died. If it was an accident, I might be able to remember something."

"Not sure if that would work," Seohyun's mood was very gloomy. San shook his head at her, and she sighed before asking Hongjoong if he knew something about where she had died.

Hongjoong, to Seohyun's dismay, said he'd find out in a minute. It looked like he texted one of his friends, and while they were waiting for an answer, San told the boys what was happening just so they would stop asking after each second.

Seohyun caught Hongjoong glancing at her, as if trying to convey a message. Seohyun understood and casually checked her phone, indeed finding a text from Hongjoong, which read:

There's a possibility that her death might not have been an accident

Seohyun frowned. Was she murdered? Or did she commit suicide? She felt as if it would hurt Jiwoo no matter the answer.

What do you mean?

Hongjoong replied:

I'll tell you later.

With that, Hongjoong told Seohyun out loud that his friend would have to ask around for the address, and that settled it. Jiwoo announced that she was gonna roam around the school again, and maybe that would make her remember something too. She asked San to remind Hongjoong to find out her home address too. That would certainly spark a bulb, if nothing else.

As soon as Jiwoo walked out of their classroom, Hongjoong brought everyone closer. "My friend gave me the address. It's near a restaurant here."

"Why didn't you tell Jiwoo?" San asked.

"When Jiwoo passed away, her friends were told that it was an accident. But according to my sources, they say she was out with some of her friends. They had somehow gotten in an argument, causing her to flee and accidentally crash with a car."

"So it is an accident, right?" Seonghwa asked.

"That's the thing. Some people say that one of them pushed her in front of the traffic, and that they are all covering it up. We have got to find out what happened. Before we tell Jiwoo."

Seohyun pursed her lips. This is not how she thought it would have turned out. Sure, most of the ghosts she dealt with had usually been murdered. But that didn't make hearing any of this easier.

"Alright, we will find out. We need to distract Jiwoo. San, you'll help me out, right?"

"Of course," San said, sitting straighter. Seohyun laid out their plan; they were gonna divide into two. San, Wooyoung, Yeosang and Jongho would lead Jiwoo to a false address, somewhere far from where the rest of them were going to go and actually investigate what really happened. If she had died in a car crash, however that happened, the people around would remember and would be able to recall the incident.

After school, they told Jiwoo that she would go with San to check if that was the right place, since Hongjoong's source could be 'unreliable'. Meanwhile the rest of them were going to find out her home address by asking around. Jiwoo didn't suspect them thankfully, and gladly went along with them.

"I have the home address too," Hongjoong said, "It's on the way to the restaurant. We should pass by there too."

"Yeah," Seohyun muttered. "Do you think I should talk to her family too?"

"I think you should, but after we visit the restaurant. That would certainly give us more information. because all you have now is nothing about the real Jiwoo."

"Point." Seohyun thought it was kind of ironic. She knew nothing about how Jiwoo would have been when alive. The thought of it made her heart twist with pain.

As they walked to the site, Seohyun was so lost in thought that she didn't see the rest of them exchange nervous glances. They all realized that Jiwoo had been her only friend for a good while. And they could definitely see how difficult it was for Seohyun to let her go.

"Can I ask you something?" Seonghwa finally said.

"Whenever someone asks me if they can ask me something, it's usually going to be something about my personal life. Go ahead, shoot."

Seonghwa shook his head. "How many ghosts friends did you have to let go of?"

Seohyun stopped in her tracks. It took her a second before she started walking again. "That is a very good question, Seonghwa."

Mingi and Yunho exchanged looks. They knew she always made remarks like these when trying to avoid something. "Jiwoo has been your friend for a few months. It must be hard for you."

"It is, actually," Seohyun admitted. "And most of my friends, sadly, have been ghosts. They're a better company. I sharpen my dark humor on them. I make a lot of dead jokes, if you haven't noticed that already."

"I did," Mingi raised his hand, smiling sheepishly. "Knowing you can actually see ghosts makes them more funnier."

"I know," Seohyun smiled back.

They finally reached the restaurant. It was a traditional one, with tables set outside as well as inside. Potted plants made for most of the décor, a stark contrast to the mauve and white theme, and the scent of spices filled the air.

Seohyun's eyes traced what could have been a possible path; Jiwoo walking out of the door, a car speeding forward-

"How do you suppose we're gonna find some information? We can't just go and ask them to show us the CCTV footage or something," Yunho said, looking pointedly at the camera.

"We won't have to," Hongjoong said, "We just have to make up a good story. Come on, we're eating something from here."

"Really, Hongjoong? Do you think we have the time?" Seohyun asked.

"Trust me. Come on," Hongjoong said, not waiting for them and walking inside. They seated themselves in the corner, and a waiter came to take their order. After ordering some barbeque, Hongjoong told them that he was going to ask for water while they would be in the middle of eating, and they would start talking about the incident. When the waiter comes, he would hear them talk about it, and provide his comments on the topic without asking.

"If I was the waiter, I'd kick you out," Seohyun said, sitting back and folding her arms, making the rest of them snicker.

"This works every time," Hongjoong said, his eyes glinting with challenge, as he mirrored Seohyun's pose.

"And what if he doesn't talk?" Seohyun asked.

"In that case, I have a backup plan. I don't come unprepared." Hongjoong said, and Seohyun rolled her eyes, looking at Yunho who was sitting beside her.

"Is he always this confident about himself?" She asked.

"When he's sure, yes," Yunho nodded.

"Don't tell me he's a secret investigator or detective or something," Seohyun muttered.

"I could make some similar assumptions about you," Hongjoong muttered back.

"Shut up, blueberry."

"You should, you old-"

"Just because I have grey hair doesn't mean I'm old-"

"Stop it, you both," Seonghwa laughed. Hongjoong pouted. "But do you dye your hair?"

"Yeah. Some years ago I went blonde. Now I prefer the more... dead tones, if you will," Seohyun said, and Mingi grinned. "How's the drum learning going, Mingi?"

"Ah," Mingi sighed, "I still make do with boxes and plates. I think I could do a good freestyle if I had an actual drum set."

"I used to air drum all the time. You should drum along to some songs you like. Really helps."

"I'll try that," he smiled.

"When do you think you're showing us your music room?" Hongjoong asked.

"Not anytime soon," Seohyun said. Before Hongjoong could ask something, they saw the waiter come with their food. Hongjoong muttered ''play along' and started speaking.

"I've been wanting to try this place for a while now. But I heard there was some sort of accident here, so I couldn't come." Hongjoong widened his eyes in signal and Yunho began, "Oh I've tried, and I'll tell you, it's really good."

The waiter set their food, and Seohyun watched Hongjoong and Yunho go on about the restaurant, slightly amused. As soon as the waiter went, Hongjoong frowned at them.

"The three of you could have said something."

"This seemed more natural," Seohyun said. "Two guys raving about food. Nothing suspicious about that."

After a few bites of the amazingly juicy barbeque beef, Mingi asked for water. Hongjoong cleared his throat.

"I heard a girl died somewhere around here. They're saying it could be murder. People these days!"

"I'll tell you, sir," the waiter, a middle aged man with wrinkles around his eyes began, surprising Seohyun, "it was an accident. A bunch of students. The usual crowd. Had an argument and the girl went out in a rush- nobody followed. A few seconds later, we heard a horrible sound and screams. The people out there witnessed it."

"But why would people say she was pushed?" Seonghwa asked.

"People make all sorts of stories, girl," the man said, shaking his head in disapproval. "I was inside. I know none of the friends went after her. The crowd outside was too absorbed with their food. Nobody saw anything until the crash happened."

"Ah.. I see. So I guess since this was an accident, the matter cleared up quickly? With the police and all?"

"Of course," the man said, "they saw the footage. Nobody pushed her. A pity that people had to spread rumors like that. Didn't help us. Nobody came here for days."

"I'm sorry that happened," Yunho said, and Seohyun felt that he actually meant it. "I hope more people are coming here now, for the food."

"Oh we're getting back now. Enjoy," the man smiled at them and went away. They all looked at each other.

"So it's an accident. But this doesn't make sense," Seohyun said, "if she died because of her own mistake, why is she still hanging around?"

"Unfinished business?" Mingi suggested.

"Usually happens when someone is killed, but yeah. She must have made it to the hospital and lost her memories during treatment. That must mean she's holding a grudge, or actually has something so important to do that despite her memories being lost, somehow she stuck to this world."

"That makes sense," Yunho said.

They finished the food lost in thoughts, and decided that is that was the case, it was wiser to not talk to her family. She could be holding a grudge against them too.

Though they now knew how Jiwoo had died, and they were one step closer to sorting this all out, Seohyun felt dread creeping upon her.

-------------

"I can't believe you sent me to the wrong address!" Jiwoo exclaimed.

"It wasn't on purpose! Hongjoong's friend confused you with someone else. It seems like he deals with this kind of stuff often," Seohyun was nodding her head along, as if that could convince Jiwoo. "And anyway, at least it wasn't all a waste. We're going to the place where you died, are you sure you're ready?"

"Born ready," Jiwoo said, pumping her fist in the air.

"Born ready but-"

"Don't, Seohyun, just don't" San cut her off, shaking his head. Jiwoo laughed. Seohyun pouted but stopped.

The three of them were going to the place where Jiwoo had her accident. It was only yesterday that Seohyun had come with Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho and Mingi, and had falsely led Jiwoo to someplace else with the rest of the boys. Now, upon constant insistence of Jiwoo, the two of them decided they'd better take her.

It wasn't because Jiwoo threatened to summon a bunch of revengeful ghosts. Nope. It certainly hadn't been that.

"We're close now," San said, pointing ahead, "It's right across the road. You should start looking on your own now. Without distractions."

"Don't look at me, San," Seohyun muttered.

"You're right. You both can... wait for me here. I'll see if it rocks a memory," Jiwoo said, and went ahead, leaving the two of them watching her go.

"Do you think we should be there for her?" Seohyun finally asked, "The memories might be painful."

"I think she should just walk down memory lane. We'd only distract her. Going on her own is sure to bring back some memories."

"I still wonder what made her stay," Seohyun said, and San looked at her. It was one of those moments when she was not wearing a filter. San felt like he was intruding- it was rare to see her so... present. There.

"Have you dealt with many murder cases? Or suicide ones?" San finally asked.

"You think it's one of the two?" She asked.

"I think it could be something simple. I know if I died today, the only reason I'd hang here would be to say a final goodbye. That is, if I die suddenly."

"Believe it or not, those are the hardest," Seohyun turned towards San, "With other cases, it's usually finding justice, or personal satisfaction. But goodbyes are difficult. I wouldn't want that for anyone. It's harder for those who are living."

San narrowed his eyes at her for the briefest moment. It felt like sometimes she meant more with what she spoke. Like there was a backstory he did not know.

"It looks like you've had some experience with that," San asked cautiously. Seohyun bit her lip and he saw the slightest of tremble in her hand before she closed them in a fist. She was suddenly reminded of San's hand on hers comforting her.

"You're right, actually," Seohyun finally said, surprising San, "I'll tell you. I need to move on too."

"You don't have to," San assured, but she shook her head.

"His name was Joon Hyuk. It was two years ago. He and I used to go to the same music academy. We were only friends then, not close, until he passed away suddenly. He had a heart problem."

"I'm sorry to hear that," San said. He truly was. He couldn't imagine how he'd cope if one of his friends met the same fate.

"I was shook, but that wasn't the end of the story. He was hanging on because he wanted to say goodbye to his family. It took him a few days, and I helped him come to terms with his death. That's when we grew close. I used to be home alone, and we'd just sit in the music room and talk all night. He told me all about his life. I told him about mine. He taught me to play the piano." Seohyun shivered a bit but continued. "He said his goodbye, but he still didn't move on."

"Does that usually happen?" San asked.

"No. It was because he found something to stay for. Me."

The breeze made San shiver too as it settled in. His heart twisted with emotions he couldn't recognize. He wanted to comfort Seohyun somehow, but he stood frozen.

"Ironic, isn't it? He found something to live for when he had already died." Seohyun's lips quivered. She stared at the light bulb near her, hoping it would force back her incoming tears. This wasn't the time to cry. She looked at San and smiled, "I knew it was wrong. But I was so alone. I craved friendship. I craved love. And I got it for a while. It was short. He started to change. You remember the old man?"

San nodded. The man because of whom he could now see ghosts too.

"It's like the process sped up. He started to become bitter. It would come and go. When he was sane, I finally told him to move on before he became- that, before I had to force myself to send him away. And he did. Without a goodbye this time. I guess that was the only way he could manage it."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Seohyun. I-"

San wanted to say so much but they heard a scream which was unmistakably Jiwoo's, and with a look at each other, they rushed to the source of the sound. They found Jiwoo clutching at her head, down on the ground

Seohyun rushed to her, sitting down and hugging her, muttering comforting stuff that San couldn't make out. He just stood and provided cover, hoping no one would notice Seohyun hugging the air.

It took a few seconds for Jiwoo to calm down, and when she did, she sighed loudly, looking at the sun.

"It's coming back," she announced. "I remember how I died. My own fault. How dumb is that?" She laughed.

"Glad to see you're back in your spirits," San scoffed.

"You, boy, have been making unintentional puns," Jiwoo scoffed back, making Seohyun grin.

"So how much do you remember?"

"It's coming back. You guys should go your own way. I'll just wait for it to come back. I think I know where to go too. I remember my home. I think- I think I know why I'm here too."

Seohyun and San shared a look. "You wanna tell us?"

"I gotta check something first," Jiwoo said, getting up and helping Seohyun up too. "Off you go."

"Weirdo," Seohyun muttered and Jiwoo just waved at her before she started walking. Seohyun was resting her hands on her hips, tapping her jeans, watching her go with a frown.

"IF YOU MOVE ON WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE I'LL HUNT YOU EVEN IN THE AFTERLIFE OR WHEREVER IS IT THAT YOU GHOSTS GO!" Seohyun shouted at Jiwoo, startling San and the couple walking past.

"YOU BETTER HOLD A FREAKING FAREWELL PARTY THEN!" Jiwoo shouted back. Before Seohyun could retort, San took her by the arm and dragged her in the opposite direction, laughing and telling her she should stop before the whole neighbourhood comes out.

"I'll walk you home," San said. He wasn't sure if now was the time to leave Seohyun alone.

"If you insist," Seohyun said, and they walked in silence. San wanted to say something about how she had been wise to send Joon Hyuk off, something to comfort her, but he couldn't find the words. He was sure Seohyun would be too busy thinking about Jiwoo. He decided he'd walk in silence and let her sort her thoughts.

When they finally reached her home, Seohyun looked at San. "You wanna stop for some coffee? Maybe a snack?"

"Oh no, don't bother," San waved her off.

"I have chocolate chip cookies," Seohyun wiggled her eyebrows.

"That's not fair. Lead the way," he said, and Seohyun smiled in victory, letting him in.

Though the house looked plain from the outside, it wasn't such inside. It was well decorated, the brown and white reflecting the walls and the floor, and had an overall homey feel. Plus, it was quite spacious. No wonder she had a music room here.

San sat on the table in the kitchen, looking around while Seohyun made two cups of coffee. The refrigerator had fruit magnets with various lists sticking. Grocery, things to do. Doodles. San smiled. It really did look like Seohyun lived here. His eyes fell on her figure as she rocked back and forth, mixing the coffee. Her hair created quite a contrast with her navy blue shirt. The soft grey hair looked fluffy.

Seohyun turned around, catching San staring at her, and he shifted in his seat as Seohyun set the two cups and the cookies. San took one and bit into it.

"Oomph, that's delicious."

"Thank you. I made them."

"No way!" San was genuinely surprised. "I didn't know you liked baking."

"I like making food," Seohyun admitted, sipping the coffee.

"That sounds so mundane now," San laughed.

"What do you think I did at home? Made talismans?" Seohyun scoffed and San almost choked on his coffee.

"You surprise me everyday, Seohyun. We must look quite boring to you," San said.

"Well," Seohyun munched on the cookie, "You aren't boring. None of you are, actually. Why don't you tell me something I don't know about you then?"

"Well," San imitated Seohyun now, "I collect plushies. And I know taekwondo."

"That's... interesting. Taekwondo and plushies. Wow," Seohyun laughed. "Poor Shiber, I guess."

"HEY!" San frowned. "Your turn."

"I didn't realize we were taking turns?" Seohyun raised her brow but thought about it. "My favourite colour is blue."

"Mine's purple," San said. "I hate vegetables."

"Hard not to notice," Seohyun commented, biting into the cookie and thinking. "I want to be a musician."

"Cool. You can compose for us," San smiled and Seohyun smiled back mockingly.

A thought struck her. "Wanna see the music room?"

San raised his brows. "Can I?"

"If you want to?" Seohyun shrugged. "It's okay. That room needs air anyway."

"Alright then," San finished his coffee. Seohyun got up, her heart thumping. She was right. It was about time she opened that room for someone else. About time she let go too.

"Here we are," she said and fished out keys from her pocket (San thought she must carry them everywhere) and opened the room, turning on the light

It was gorgeous, San thought. A piano in the corner, a drum set in the other, couches as they entered, three different guitars hanging by the wall, a violin case resting on the table. The dim white lights made everything seem a bit eerie, but it smelled like roses, and indeed San noticed a scented candle on the table. It felt like a room full of memories.

"I do come in every now and then, but I don't really play anymore." Seohyun looked around.

"Can I see them?" San asked, and Seohyun nodded.

Seohyun watched as San examined the guitars then walked to the piano, running his fingers on the keys and making some sounds, then off to the drum set.

"I'd pay to see you play," he grinned.

"Oh you won't have to. I'll do that for free one day," Seohyun smiled.

"So you don't play anything anymore?"

"Just the violin sometimes. Or drums when I'm angry."

"Can I hear the violin?" San asked and Seohyun looked at him.

"Pretty please?" He made puppy eyes and Seohyun scoffed. "Now how do I reject that?"

Seohyun opened the violin case, saying something about how it's gonna be short. While she tested the strings and the bow, San sat on the piano stool nearby. Seohyun flipped her hair back and inhaled.

And then she played a tune so melodic, a tune so haunting that San wasn't sure if seconds had passed or minutes. He only saw her face, etched with the most emotions he'd seen on a single person. It was as if she was telling him a secret, baring her soul to him, and he just couldn't decipher it.

When she did stop, San felt short of breath. He just stared at her in awe and she came closer, already having put the violin back. "How was it?"

"That was... breathtakingly beautiful. You were amazing," San said and immediately felt like he should have said something more.

But she seemed to understand. "Thank you," she said. She was leaning against the piano. San got up and came closer.

"Thank you, Seohyun," he said, touching the tendrils of hair that fell on her shoulder, "For everything."

"I- I've done nothing," she almost whispered. San locked eyes with her, still playing with her hair, now his thumb caressing the soft skin of her cheek.

Seohyun stared back at the dark orbs, his gaze so sharp that a part of her wanted to run away but the other part wanted to never look away. San blinked once, then slowly, painfully slowly brought his face closer and kissed her cheek lightly, leaving her out of breath.

Thank you for playing for me," San said, "I'll never forget it."

And then he drew back, and Seohyun came out of the trance.

"If you sugar coat it so much I'll never bring you here again," Seohyun was smiling.

"Nah. Now I'll wait for the day you're angry," San winked, pointing at the drums. "I should give pointers to Mingi."

"HEY!"

prev - next

[anniesocsandgeneralstore]

Normal Love and Superheroes: One - the orange streak of lightning

Summary: Leena Duckett gets her bike stolen and meets friendly officer John Blake.  

Pairing: John Blake x OFC (Leena Duckett)

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: theft, general spookiness there for a second, i don’t know this is pretty pure

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

“Goodnight, Mr. Nooley.” Leena waved to the Gotham Community Center director as she stood in the threshold of the exit. 

“Goodnight, Leena, and be safe on your way home.” 

She smiled at the middle-aged, balding man one last time before finally exiting the building. It was late, as per usual when she left the community center after her days of volunteering. But Leena always thought that Gotham was far more beautiful at night. The skyscrapers towering miles above her, all of them aglow with the evidence of late-night workers or families safe inside their apartments. She tugged her baggy sweater tighter around her to ward off the chill that had taken over the air after the sun went down. Fall was nearly in full effect for Gotham. A time of year that Leena loved. 

With pinked cheeks and nose from the sudden cold, Leena headed west. A block away from the community center to where her bike was safely locked to the nearest available bike rack when she arrived that afternoon. Her stomach grumbled. She could already picture herself in the tiny kitchen of her shared studio apartment. A pasta dish was due on a night like this. Something that paired nice with white wine. Leena was already licking her lips in anticipation of it. 

When she got closer to the bike rack, however, she noticed a man standing in the lamplight. There were a few other bikes locked to the rack, so she moved to the curb a few feet away from the man and waited for him to be done with his own bike. 

The man, dressed in a coat maybe a farmer would wear and jeans, was taking a long time to lock up his bike. And, wanting to be nice — 

“Do you need some help?” she asked, taking a tentative step forward. 

He turned. And it wasn’t until then that she noticed it. His grubby, stubbled face. His severe frown. The bolt cutters in his hand, with the jaws around the lock attached to her bike. 

Leena’s eyebrows furrowed, the grip she had on her bag tightened. “Hey, wait a minute —  “ 

But it was too late. There was a distinct, metallic snap as the bolt cutters went through her lock. She moved forward to stop him, knowing in the back of her mind that she would never be able to take on a man that size. He quickly ripped the lock from the bike and hopped onto the seat.

“Stop! Stop!” she shouted. 

But he didn’t stop. He took off down the sidewalk at breakneck speed. She didn’t even bother to run after him. There was no way she would catch him.

“Did that really just happen?” she asked the empty street as she watched the thief and her bike disappear into the darkness. 

In shock, Leena sat down on the curb. What was she supposed to do now? That stupid bike was her only mode of transportation around the city. And her apartment was too far away to walk, she’d either freeze or get robbed, again. Especially in this city. She checked her wallet for money for the bus or the train. That was a no-go. Not even a sorry penny to her name at the moment. She refused to call her mom who lived outside the city proper. She’d never let her hear the end of it and force her by guilt alone to move back out there with her. So, instead, she pulled out her RAZR and called her roommate Jamie. It was only six o’clock, she was bound to be awake for a few more hours. 

It went straight to voicemail. 

She tried again. 

Voicemail. 

One last time for good luck. 

Voicemail. 

Leena groaned, head tilted towards the black night sky. What the heck was she supposed to do now? Even still, she wasn’t going to call her mom. It would be embarrassing and it would take her nearly an hour to get into the city. So, with one last grimace to the universe, Leena dialed 911. 

Her insides felt like they were being pulled down by an invisible string. What was that? Embarrassment? Shame? Anxiety? Maybe a bit of all three? Either way, she hated this. Her bike was gone. She was cold. And now she was calling 911 for the first time in her twenty years of life. 

The other line had barely even started ringing before a stern, feminine voice answered, “911, what is your emergency?” 

“Uh, yeah, I’d like to report a robbery — or — er — a theft? I guess?” 

“Ma’am are you in any immediate danger? Is the thief still present?” 

“No, no, I’m fine. He’s gone. He stole my bike.” 

“So this is not an active emergency.” 

“Correct.” Leena fiddled with the strap of her bag sitting in her lap. Her bottom was starting to get cold from the concrete. 

“Alright, ma’am, did you get a good look at the suspect?” Though it was slight, Leena could tell that the dispatcher was annoyed that this wasn’t an emergency that needed GCPD’s immediate attention. 

“Yes, I did. He was on 14th street headed west — on — on a bright orange bike.” She could feel her embarrassment, like a bubble, welling up inside her. Forcing unwanted tears to prick the backs of her eyes. She felt so stupid right now. 

“And are you alone?” 

Leena hated the tears that slipped from her eyes as she whispered, “Yes.” 

“Okay. We’ll send an officer to get your statement in the morning. What is your home address?” The dispatcher hadn’t seemed to notice Leena’s building up of emotion. 

“But — But…I have no way home.” The pathetic, childish words couldn’t be stopped before they escaped past her lips. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean — “ 

The dispatcher’s voice took on a warm tone. As if she finally understood. “It’s alright, hon.” For some reason, the term of endearment made Leena cry more. “Just sit tight. An officer is on their way now. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?” 

Leena wiped furiously at her wet cheeks with the sleeve of her sweater. “No. No. That’s okay. You probably have more important things to do.” 

“Alright, ma’am. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight.” 

The line went dead and Leena stowed her phone away in her overstuffed bag. She then hugged her knees to her chest, put her head down, and waited. A few cars went by, but nobody was walking the streets. Especially not at night. Especially not after all that clown stuff with the mob went down a few months ago. She had heard from her roommate Jamie that some local ordinance was going through city council to get the rest of the criminals off the streets. But for now, most of them still ran free. Poisoning the streets of Gotham with murder, mob activity, and even petty bike theft. A shiver, like a finger of ice, ran down her spine, causing her to curl up into an even tighter ball. Maybe if she made herself as small as possible, no one would notice her sitting on the curb. 

A warm hand landed gently on her shoulder. She jumped. Her head snapped up, her body instantly moving away from the hand and whoever was attached to it. Just in case they were dangerous or, and she only thought this for a split second, the bike thief coming back to get rid of his only witness. 

But the hand was attached to neither of those things. In fact, the hand belonged to a police officer. Crouching beside her on the curb. His police cruiser parallel parked to their left. 

“Hey, it’s alright,” he said, his voice deep, intimidating, but not lacking in caring or softness, “I’m with GCPD, I’m here to help. Are you the one who called in about the stolen bike?” 

“Yeah — Yes. I am.” 

He was young. Maybe a few years older than her if she had to guess. He was probably a rookie cop they sent out on stupid cases like this. She could see from his name badge that his last name was Blake. Slightly tan skin, fit and lean, closely cropped dark hair. His ears kinda stuck out on either side of his head, but it only added to his boyish good looks that made Leena’s throat close up for a second. 

“Let’s take your statement in the cruiser, yeah? You must be freezing.” He cocked his head towards the parked police car, still running, beside them with a slight smile. 

His brown, deep-set eyes nearly disappeared when he did that. 

“Um — yeah. Yeah. That sounds good,” she said, nerves still dialed to 1,000 and hoping that once she was inside the police cruiser and relatively safe she would calm down. 

Officer Blake stood first and then offered her his hand. She picked up her bag and accepted it gladly. Her legs had nearly fallen asleep from sitting on the concrete for so long, and she couldn’t feel her bottom at all it was so cold. And once she was standing, she couldn’t help but take note of the fact that he was taller than her. But he wasn’t a giant — average height. Leena shook her head as she went around to the passenger side of the car. When did she ever take note of someone’s height? Of the way their eyes disappeared when they smiled? Of their boyish good looks? He was just the police officer who was going to take a statement about the theft of her bike and hopefully take her home. That was it. 

Leena, she told herself as she slid into the passenger seat, get a hold of yourself. 

Once Officer Blake was in the driver’s seat, he pulled a pad of paper and a pen from his belt. “So, can you tell me exactly what happened tonight? Start from the beginning.” 

“Well, I finished up over at the community center — “ 

“What do you do at the community center?” 

“Uh — I’m a volunteer. I teach art lessons to kids on Wednesdays and Fridays,” Leena answered as she stared into her lap. 

Officer Blake nodded. “So you finished up at the community center….” 

“Right. I left the building and walked the block west to that bike rack.” She pointed to the rack in question. 

“Why didn’t you use the bike rack in front of the community center?” he asked. 

“I like to leave room for more kids if they show up — plus it was full by the time I got there this afternoon, so.” She shrugged, wondering if he was just being thorough with his questioning or he was mocking her in some way. “But when I got to the bike rack there was already a guy standing there. He was wearing jeans, worker’s boots, and like a Carhartt-type jacket. I didn’t wanna be rude. I thought he was messing with his own bike — so I stayed back to give him some space. It looked like he was struggling or something so I asked if he needed help. He — uh — didn’t. Cause then he took off with my bike.” 

Officer Blake suppressed a laugh. 

“That’s not funny!” Leena was struggling to keep in her own laughter now. Now that she was telling the story, there was a bit more humor there than she thought. “Okay…Maybe it’s a little funny.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” He coughed to cover up the remainder of his badly disguised chuckles. “Did you get a good look at the guy?” 

“I did.” 

She could see him perfectly in her head. Square face, stubbled jaw, heavy brow. But she didn’t know what to say to give him a proper description. 

“Can I get a description? Just as many details — “ 

“Uh — can I see your notepad?” Leena asked as she pulled one of the many pens from her bag. 

“Um, sure.” He handed it over with a look of apprehension. 

For a moment, she looked at the things he had written down. His handwriting was terrible, small chicken scratch letters that looked closer to Chinese calligraphy than English handwriting, but she could make out some things. He had written down her own description. Brown hair, blue eyes, around 5’5”, rosy cheeks, pretty. She quickly flipped to a new page and began to sketch out the man she saw. Fighting down the sudden heat that was creeping up her neck. 

He thought she was pretty?

“This is easier than me trying to tell you,” she explained. 

“Right. Certainly saves the sketch artists some time,” he said. As her pen moved rapidly over the paper, she felt the car shift into gear. “Where do you live?” 

“Fashion District — Bayside Apartments.” 

“Nice area,” he commented as he pulled away from the curb. 

“It’s only nice for people you can afford to live at the Yards or the Ritz.” Leena scoffed. “Only live there cause my roommate’s a fashion designer — she's an assistant with one of those big-name brands that I can’t pronounce the name of. Bayside is an abandoned warehouse vaguely disguised as an apartment building.” 

She looked up from her sketch to see him smirking as he drove. She felt heat flooding her cheeks and neck, probably turning them a blotchy shade of red. “Sorry. You didn’t need to know that.” 

“It’s alright,” he answered, making her feel only slightly better. 

She finished up with the sketch and nodded in satisfaction. She reckoned that it looked enough like him for the police to use it. “There. Done.” 

He looked over at her finished product with raised brows. Then he smiled, his eyes disappearing for an instant. “Wow. Looks better than half the stuff our sketch artists come up with. Actually looks like a person.” 

“Thanks,” Leena chuckled. 

Her bag began to vibrate. It took her a moment to find her phone in the mess of sketch pads, paint supplies, and multicolored pens. But once she did, she saw that it was Jamie finally calling her back. Leena flipped open the phone in an angry huff. 

“I called you three times!” Leena hissed into the phone. 

“I know! Which is why I’m calling you back!” Jamie answered, not sounding bothered in the slightest. 

“Well, thanks to your inability to answer your damn phone — I’m now riding in a cop car!” She turned to Officer Blake and mouthed a sorry, but he brushed it off with a wave of his hand. 

“Wait — a cop car? Did you get arrested?” 

“No, I didn’t get arrested!” 

“Sounds like you to get arrested.” 

Leena looked over at Officer Blake to see if he heard that. If he had, he wasn’t giving it away. “No, it doesn’t. Look, he’s taking me home. I’ll be there in like…Two minutes. I’ll explain everything then.” 

“He? Is he cute? Did you check for a wedding ring?” 

“Goodbye, Jamie.” 

Leena hung up before her roommate could say anything else embarrassing.

“Your friend seems, uh — Interesting,” Officer Blake commented. 

“Yeah, she’s great. She’s great.” 

As secretly as she could though, she glanced over to see if she could catch a glimpse of his left hand. His arm was perched on the sill of the window while he drove with his right hand. No wedding ring. She quickly looked back to the front of the vehicle and took a deep breath. That didn’t mean he was single. No wedding ring meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just like that weird fluttering feeling she was getting in her stomach meant nothing. Just like the sly little grin she saw out of the corner of her eye meant nothing. 

Nope. Not a thing. 

The car pulled up to Bayside’s main entrance and Leena sighed. Even though the place was terrible, it was still home. Drafty walls, leaky sinks, fluctuating heat functionality and all. It was cheap, close to Jamie’s job, and not too far from the various places Leena went to keep herself busy. 

“Can I have my notepad back please?” Leena handed it back with an embarrassed little smile. “Thanks. Now, I do have a few more questions for you, if that’s okay?” 

“Oh — yeah. That’s fine.” 

“Can I get a description of the bike that was stolen?” 

“It’s uh — bicycle. Sorry I don’t know models or anything. It’s bright orange with a white basket and…um — and it has white tassels on the handle bars.” 

Leena had always debated about whether or not she should remove the childish tassels that came on the bike that she got for ten dollars at a garage sale. But she could never truly convince herself to part with them. She liked the way they blew in the strong breezes her riding made. They reminded her of simpler times, when she had less cares and she genuinely believed she could do anything. 

She caught the small smile he flashed when she mentioned the tassels though and it made her heart soar. 

“Okay.” He nodded his head then added quickly, “And  — uh — would you wanna go out on a date with me sometime?” 

A laugh burst from Leena’s chest before she could stop it. He looked nervous. Twiddling his pen between his fingers and biting down on his bottom lip. He was trying to control his expression, but his eyes held a kind of earnest hope that made her heart squeeze in her chest. 

“Sorry. Sorry. Are you even allowed to do that?” she asked. “Ya know - on the clock?” 

“Probably not.” He chuckled nervously. “But I think you’re really cute and ya know — I thought that, maybe — You thought — And that there was something — “ 

“I’ve got one condition,” she said, feeling a thrill in her chest. 

What the hell was she doing? 

He looked hopeful, excited even. “What’s that?” 

“You either have my bike when you come on this date,” she said, confused and excited by the words coming out of her own mouth, “Or you don’t show up at all.” 

For a moment, Leena was ecstatic. She had never done anything like this in her life. Challenge someone to something like this. Be so cheeky. But when she saw the exasperated look on his face, she wilted like a houseplant someone forgot to water. Oh no. Had she ruined everything before it even began? Just because she thought it would be fun to be mischievous for once? 

“I’m just — “ she started to say, but he cut her off. 

“You have yourself a deal.” 

Leena sprang back to life again. A wide smile enveloping her features. It nearly hurt her cheeks, she was smiling so hard. “My name’s Leena — by the way.” 

“John,” he replied with a soft smile, “I’m also gonna need your last name, phone number, date of birth, and address for the statement.” 

“That’s an odd way of asking for my — “ 

“Oh, no. I really need the information for the statement,” he said, tapping his pen on the notepad. 

Leena gave the rest of her information to Officer John Blake and then exited his vehicle with a sense of professionalism that barely disguised her excitement. Once she was inside the lobby she bolted to the industrial elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor. Bouncing on the balls of her feet, she could hardly contain herself. In fact, she had such a loose cap on her excitement that after a few moments of being alone in the elevator she squealed in delight. 

She had a date! Well…The potential for a date! 

As soon as she opened the door to the apartment, Jamie bounced up from the couch to greet her. Jamie could have been a model if she wanted. But she would much rather design the clothes than wear them on the runway. She was tall and well toned from her years of college basketball with Gotham University. She had short, dark hair and a regal, hawk-like nose. 

“Oh my, God! Lee, what the hell happened?” she asked. 

Leena hung her bag on the coat rack with a smile. Then, turning to the small kitchen, she noticed the box of pizza sitting on the counter. 

“Did you order pizza?” 

“Yeah — to make up for the fact that I’m a terrible friend.” Jamie went over the box and flipped open the lid. 

It was Leena’s favorite. Banana peppers, black olives, and italian sausage. There were only a few pieces missing. Leena gratefully went over to the counter and pulled a slice from the box. She was starving — it was nearly seven-thirty. She hummed happily as she ate, sitting down on a bar stool. 

“Okay, you can be in my good graces again,” Leena said, half of her pizza slice already gone by the time she spoke. 

“So, come on.” Jamie sat down on the stool beside her. “Tell me what happened!” 

Leena took another bite. “I got a date!” 

“You got a date? With the cop?” Jamie asked, laughter curling around every word she spoke, “You didn’t save him for me?” 

“Hell no!” Leena grabbed another slice. “I haven’t been on a date in a year — plus you’re seeing that guy…Aaron?” 

“Oh that was a one time thing.” Jamie rolled her eyes. “Never date a model. Trust me. But — okay, so like, how did you end up with the cop in the first place?” 

“Right! Well, first my bike got stolen.” 

“The Orange Streak of Lightning?” 

“Yes. The Orange Streak. Anyway, it got stolen. I had no money for the bus or the train. I called you to see if you’d come pick me up.” Leena pointed an accusing finger at her roommate who only gave her a sorry smile in reply. “So I was forced to call the police and get a ride from them.” 

“Hey, if I’d answered my phone you wouldn’t have a date with a cute cop right now,” Jamie pointed out as she grabbed her own slice of pizza. 

Leena winced. “Well, here’s the thing…” 

“Oh, no.” 

“There’s no specific day yet. Cause uh — I maybe told him that he either showed up with my bike or there wasn’t a date at all.” Leena cringed at her own words. 

Jamie stared at her a moment. “Why the hell would you say that?” 

“I don’t know!” Leena anxiously stood up from her stool and began to pace nearly the entire length of their studio apartment. “It just came out of me! It was like I was a different person! I never say things like that! Why did I say that? I’m such an — “ 

“Did he agree to do it?” Jamie asked as her green eyes followed Leena’s pacing. 

Leena brought her fingernails to her mouth and bit down hard. “Yeah.” 

“Holy shit. He must think you’re pretty damn hot,” Jamie laughed. “What’d you do that left such an impression?” 

“Nothing!” Leena quickly jumped to her own defense. Even though there really was nothing to defend. “I — I gave him my statement. I sketched out the guy who stole my bike in his notepad. That’s it!” 

“Lee.” Jamie’s eyes turned soft. “When are you gonna realize that you actually are pretty damn hot?” 

Lenna pulled a face and squatted down on the floor. Then finally sprawled out spread eagle on the wood flooring with the knit hat that had previously been on her head covering her face. Her insides felt like they were being pulled in every which direction. Up into her throat with excitement. Down to her feet with fear and embarrassment. Right after it had happened, it was all that she could think about. He was all that she could think about. Officer John Blake. With his boyish grin and hard brown eyes. But now she was back to reality. Back to her dingy apartment where her only personal space was her bed surrounded by curtains. Back to herself, someone who wasn’t adventurous, flirtatious, or cheeky. Back to someone who regretted giving him that stupid challenge of finding her bike because what if this was her only chance of finding someone? Of finding someone after….

“I was so excited before,” Leena groaned, her face pulled down in a perpetual frown beneath her hat. 

“Why aren’t you excited now?” Jamie asked. 

Leena could feel Jamie lay down on the floor beside her and take her hand. 

“Cause all I can think about is — “ She turned her voice down to a whisper, afraid of saying it too loudly in fear that it may manifest some darkness. “Jacob.” 

Though Leena had her eyes covered, the light coming through the red knit of her hat, she could simply feel the harsh, ice cold scowl that had taken over Jamie’s face. If looks could kill, that one would surely make anyone drop dead. And a part of Leena that she had locked away for a very long time was crushing her on the inside once more. 

Jacob Grayson. She remembered when they first met. Freshmen in high school, sitting next to each other at lunch because they didn’t know where else to go. He was perfect. He wore his blonde hair spiked up and had a shell necklace from his trip to the Bahamas that summer. They instantly clicked. And pretty soon, they were dating. Leena didn’t think they would ever stop dating. She pictured her entire life with Jacob. Graduating together. Going to college together at Gotham University. He would get a business degree while she pursued a degree in art. They would find good jobs in the city, get married, have kids. All of it. He was simply perfect. Funny, smart, handsome, the first person she ever kissed or loved. All of her formative years, she was with him. Molding her life around him and a fictional life she may have with him. They did graduate together. She did end up attending Gotham University for a few years but never graduated. Jacob chose to attend an out of state college with a better business program. Leena thought they could make long distance work. She still had high hopes for the life she had planned for them. 

But then he came to visit with the girl he had been cheating on Leena with. 

Jacob gave the excuse that he just forgot to break up with Leena. He thought nothing of it. But it was everything to Leena. And now she finally understood why someone could kill another person. Five years of her life — wasted. 

It took her a long time to get back on her feet. Months of laying around at her mom’s house. Then Jamie asked if she would move in with her. She got a job at the Sheridan Museum of Art as a personal tour guide. Leena slowly began to pick up the pieces of her life that a guy she thought she loved carelessly let fall to the floor. 

“Don’t talk about him,” Jamie said, “That’s your past. A past that is best left in the past.” 

“But — “ Leena ripped her hat from her face and rolled onto her side to look at Jamie. “What if — ?” 

“He won’t be like that, I’m sure.” Jamie rolled onto her side as well, tucking her hands beneath her head. “Jacob was a special kind of asshole. And if he happens to be of the same breed — let’s just say I’m not afraid to hit a cop, alright?” 

Leena flashed a wide grin that nearly instantly fell when her worries overcame her once more. “Do you really think I’m ready, Jay?” 

“I think you are more than ready, darling. Time to finally forget that son-of-a-bitch.”

[artificialqueens]

Come Home to My Heart, Chapter 3 (Lemyanka) - Plastiquedoll

read on ao3 ✨| chapter 1 2

A/N: hi! I hope you like this new chapter as it goes deeper on the feels™️ I really wanted to give the characters more background (and a little bit of angst whoops) and finally, there are new names dropping yay! Again, there’s a time skip of two years this time. Enjoy & thanks for reading <3

-3-

When Priyanka turned fifteen, she discovered new things she loved. She loved dying the tips of her hair with bright colors every two weeks and a half, she loved skateboarding, she loved being the center of attention and a little bit of a class-clown at school, she loved hanging out with her group of friends, she loved the phone calls with Lemon to catch up and talk shit about everyone…

“Okay, can you hear me now?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s better.”

Priyanka peeped through the hallway hoping no one would decide to interrupt them. She nervously removed the shiny red nail polish with her teeth as they tried to re-connect, if her mother saw her she would’ve scolded her on the spot. The landline phone was solid red plastic with buttons and wires, it was age-worn but at least it wasn’t like her grandparent’s phone with the rotary dial system or it would take hours to get all those area code numbers correct and get Lemon on the other side.

“Thank God. I’m literally inside the closet just like in The Parent Trap. I told my mom I was calling my grandma because last time our phone bill had several zeroes.”

Priyanka chortled and entangled the curly wire with his fingertips. “Sorry about that… so, you were saying… about the audition?”

“Oh, right! I’m trying to get into this dance academy that’s supposed to be the best of the best and the audition waiting list is a nightmare… but they called me the other day and said I’ll have shot in two weeks.”

“Oh. My. God. Lemon that’s awesome!”

“I know! I feel it, Pri. I know I can do it but… I don’t want to assume anything until I get there. I’m confident in my skills but what if they perceive that confidence as cockiness or something like that. I was talking to Jan the other day and she said-”

“Wait, who’s Jan?” Priyanka frowned before the unfamiliar name.

“Jan. Jan! My friend Jan? We have Biology and Math together, remember?”

“I don’t think I’ve heard her name before.”

“I’m sure I have mentioned her… anyway. Jan is madly talented –like, she can sing- and she auditioned for music school like a year ago and told me that…”

Jan. She hadn’t mentioned a Jan before… it was weird for Priyanka that knew all Lemon’s New Yorker friends’ names and she was pretty sure Lemon remembered all her friends’ names as well.

“… anyway, I’ll keep my head high and hope for the best. I’m training extra hard these days to make it. My muscles are sore and I can’t feel my legs right now but hey, no pain no gain.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Thank you.” She paused as if she wanted to say something else, Priyanka could hear her breathing, but then she continued chattering. “Also, my mom got promoted again and now she bought a computer I can e-mail you the day of the audition. But tell me, how are things over there? Did the girls work their differences yet?”

“You know Scarlett, she won’t shut up and-”

“Priyanka, it’s dinner time.” Her mother announced from the kitchen.

She sighed. “Shit. I have to go or my mom is going to cut the phone wires. She says this time is for real.”

“Oh, okay… I’ll call you soon then.”

“Yes, please call me right after the audition or before if you wanna talk… you know. Break a leg or whatever… make sure is figuratively speaking, please.”

She heard Lemon’s giggle on the other line and something inside her went softer.

“I will… and I will be there for Christmas this year, I made my mom promise it.”

“Fingers crossed.” She said before hanging up.

When she looked at herself in the mirror she had a silly grin on her face that couldn’t be erased.

Lemon hadn’t been back in a long year and a half. After spending the first holidays after her parents’ divorce with her dad in Canada, she had to spend the next one with her mom in the Big Apple. Plus, her father got to travel to New York quite often those days and got to see her a lot. She sometimes sent things for Priyanka with him, a nice hoodie, a makeup bag, one of those stupid tourist t-shirts with the Statue of Liberty printed on it, sometimes a pair of dangling earrings or a simple letter and a picture of her. She treasured each of those little trinkets.

Priyanka was saving money from her allowance and was hoping to get a job soon so she could buy a car someday and visit her friend in the big city, they might even go on a road trip over the summer, it was a nice thought to hold onto until they could hang out again.

On the day of Lemon’s audition, Priyanka was restless. She got kicked out of one of her classes because she kept fidgeting, twitching, moving around, and chewing gum. It drove her teachers insane. Scarlett and Kiara mocked her from the window of the classroom and then got a warning as well.

Later that day she cleaned all her room to avoid thinking. She found several pictures of her and Lemon over the years –including that one time they tried Lemon’s mom makeup for the first time, Lemon was missing her two front teeth-, there were some photos from their first days of school and even Lemon at Priyanka’s plays. She was so pissed when she got that old lady role instead of the main character but she had managed to steal the scene anyway.

As the sun was setting, she didn’t know what else to do. She did the dishes without offering resistance and then got into an argument with her little sister who wanted to watch Hannah Montana while Priyanka just wanted to watch the new episode of America’s Next Top Model. She had to admit it though, the intro of Hannah Montana was kind of catchy (something she would never admit to her sister).

It was almost quarter to nine and she still didn’t have any news. There was a two-hour time difference with New York but still… it was gnawing her from the inside.

Right when Tyra was about to reveal which model got to stay for another week, the phone rang in the hallway and she couldn’t jump out of the couch fast enough.

«You have a phone call from-» Press one to accept, yeah, yeah, she knew that.

“Lemon?” She didn’t even wait for a «hello».

“Pri? Is it you?”

The sound of her voice brought her back to life, she could hear the sound of her heart beating again.

“Yes, it’s me! How did it go?”

“Oh my God, Pri… I’m calling you from a payphone in the middle of Times Square, this is insane. The girls lend me some cash to call you.” Priyanka could hear the sound of the traffic and even some giggles coming from outside of the phone.

“And? You’re killing me here, Lemz.” She had her fingers crossed even when she couldn’t see that gesture through the call and was holding the phone against her ear with her shoulder.

“It was so difficult I thought I was never going to learn the steps I’m literally so exhausted right now but…”

But.

“I got it, I got the spot!”

Priyanka started screaming.

“Priyanka!” Her mother shouted.

“Sorry…sorry!” She covered her mouth with her hand.

Lemon was cackling.

“Lemz, I might get in so much trouble for this but… Congratulations, I’m so happy for you!”

“Thank you.” She sounded truly happy, Priyanka wished she could see her right at that moment. “Jan, can you give me another quarter? Thanks, doll.”

That girl Jan again.

“So what are you girls are up to?”

“We’re going to get some pizza to celebrate. Jan is here as you heard, so are Goona, Rosé, Jackie… They say hi.”

“Tell them I said hi too.”

“She says hi… No, I’m not telling that, shut up…”

“What is it?”

“They are being assholes as usual… Listen, I have to go, I’m running out of coins and I still have to call my mom.”

“Okay, we’ll talk soon… I’m so happy for you… Love you.”

“Love you too! See you in a few weeks.”

“Yeah. I can’t wait.”

“Bye, Pri.”

She hung up but stood next to the phone for a moment, staring at it.

Just a few more weeks.

Priyanka kept begging her older brother to teach her how to drive. It took a few weeks of insistence until he gave up and the lessons started. They only stopped when the snow got too thick and the roads too slippery to practice. Still, by that time Priyanka was almost an expert. She needed to perfect her parking skills before turning sixteen and that would be it.

She also needed a car but that was the least important part.

“So when’s your girlfriend coming to town?” Scarlett asked.

Priyanka choked on her hot chocolate and coughed a couple of times. “Lemon’s not my girlfriend.”

Kiara rolled her eyes.

“Ah, yes, I can’t wait to finally meet her!” Juice –the latest addition to their group- said.

They were at the coffee shop, outside was freezing cold and the smell of fresh-baked pastries had dragged them inside the warm environment. Scarlett was having a black coffee while Priyanka and Kiara had their respective hot chocolate with marshmallows and Juice ordered a cappuccino with whipped cream and sprinkles on top.

“So?” Scarlett arched a brow.

“Her flight is booked for next week if the snowstorms allow them to fly.”

“I remember you two from primary school; they were joined by the hip, even before you shared diapers or something.” Kiara mocked.

“Oh, that’s right. You were in her classroom in kindergarten back when Ilona prevented everyone from playing with her.”

“That’s because Lemon spilled some paint over Ilona’s drawing… it was kids’ things. We all forgot when some random kid wet his pants or whatever.”

“And when did the crush began?”

Priyanka shot daggers at Scarlett with her eyes.

“I don’t have a crush on her. She’s literally my best friend, you guys are delusional.”

“Sure…” Kiara stirred her chocolate. “But it’s been what? Almost two years since she graced us with her presence?”

“Yeah, her parents didn’t want her to travel alone last time so her father flew to New York.”

“All jokes aside,” Scarlett changed her irksome ‘let’s pick on Priyanka’ tone for a minute. “Are you going to tell her about…?”

At the age of fifteen, Priyanka discovered she didn’t like kissing boys.

It had been at a lame party in a basement, her classmates had invited her and one of them suggested they should play seven minutes in heaven. Priyanka was about to skip it and refill her paper cup with cheap vodka and orange juice when she got dragged by the wrist and pushed into the closet with a guy from the hockey team. She suspected he had a crush on her for the longest time and this was instigated by his friends but the moment the door was locked, she panicked.

Her friends tried to get her out of there but there were a few underdeveloped brains and much muscle blocking the door. So she guessed she was doing it. The guy wasn’t that bad –she liked to believe- he told her they didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to and he was what most girls of the classroom referred to as «handsome». Priyanka shouted she was okay to calm down her friends and figured the best she could do was getting over it once and for all.

It was her first kiss.

The guy had rough lips and a slippery tongue and it was in the middle of all that smooching when his hand went under her lower back that she knew, she wasn’t enjoying it at all. She pushed the guy aside and used the back of her hand to clean her lips, she’d need some mouthwash as well. He asked if everything was okay but she was too condescending and told him that she was feeling dizzy.

The door was unlocked when he asked his friends to do it. Priyanka walked back –ashamed-to her group of friends as Kiara told them they were all disgusting and how stupid the game was. Priyanka called her brother from a phone upstairs and left soon after. For the first time, she was quiet on the way back home.

Later that night when she was laying on her bed in the darkness, she couldn’t stop thinking about it, thinking about how she was supposed to feel kissing that guy -any guy- or thinking about the fact that she wasn’t even remotely attracted to boys but mostly, thinking how she so wished that guy was someone else, how she wished that guy was a girl.

The following week at school the not-so-nice-guy had told everyone that Priyanka was basically a slut and if it wasn’t because she was so wasted, they could’ve gone to third base in that closet that very night. Priyanka wasn’t ashamed anymore, she was angry. Very angry. During lunch, she walked directly towards him and exposed him in front of everyone, not only denying the absurdity of those rumors but also stating that she would never even consider touching his small dick.

After that, Priyanka was done with guys, boys, and men in general.

She had a heart-to-heart conversation with her friends afterward but –to no one’s surprise- she ended up with the least heterosexual and most supportive group of friends in the world.

Still… she hadn’t been able to tell Lemon yet. She had tried but there was something about phone calls that didn’t help at all, she wanted to tell her in person, she wanted to see her face and know that everything was okay. And she planned to do it during her visit.

“I’ll try.” Priyanka stated, hoping the universe cooperated with her.

“Good. So you can make out under the mistletoe next.” There she was again.

“Okay, you two,” She pointed at Scarlett and Kiara. “you have to stop it or I’m going to do you guys dirty and you know I can.”

They started laughing, clearly taking Priyanka’s threaten lightly.

“That’s it! You,” She directed toward Kiara. “I have seen you drooling over Kyne the entire semester.”

Kiara went pale.

“And you two…” She turned back to Scarlett and Juice that were cackling sitting on the couch. “Yes, I’m talking to you, do you really believe I haven’t seen the way you look at each other, those stolen glances, the subtle touches? Please, is this a Jane Austen novel or what? You ain’t that smooth.”

“Hey! I didn’t say anything!” Juice protested.

Scarlett’s mouth turned into a thin line and her ears were suddenly pink colored. She murmured something Priyanka couldn’t catch but rhymed with «witch».

“Sorry girl, I warned you heads would roll and I’m not leaving any survivors if that’s what it takes.”

Scarlett put her hands up as a sign of surrender. “I respect it, you’re a bitch but I respect it.”

So that was the word she used.

Lemon would arrive at any minute now.

Her father was picking her up from the airport, they would have lunch at some fancy restaurant in the city center and then he’d drop Lemon at Priyanka’s house until sunset –that was when she had to leave again to have dinner with her relatives.

Priyanka kept moving her right leg, restless while sitting on the couch, eyes nailed on the window.

“Priyanka, take the trash out, it’s your turn.” Her mother told her casually as she directed upstairs.

“Mom!” She complained. “I’m doing important things.”

“You’re sitting on the couch.”

“My point exactly.”

Her mom gave her the glare. “Trash. Out. Now.”

She grumbled but did as asked.

Priyanka put on an extra thick coat over her jeans and knitted orange sweater, adjusted her wool socks and boots, and adventured to the exterior world of the Canadian winter wonderland. She only had to walk a few steps but she could feel her body freezing with the icy breeze. The snow was blinding white and she could hear the whistle of the wind blowing and the sound of her own teeth chattering.

She didn’t even hear the sound of the car stopping right at the entrance of her house nor the door closing or the steps.

She barely had time to turn around when an identified running person hit her like an asteroid. Lemon was small but she still got the strength to tackle Priyanka down with a hug. She didn’t even notice whether the snow was cold or not.

“Hey!” She was still down on the ground and needed to turn around once Lemon moved. “You’re here…”

The vision was dazzling. Lemon’s face, her eyes, her smile from ear to ear with full teeth showing, her blonde hair falling like a cascade over her rosy cheeks. It was as if she had been taken from an Andersen fairytale or a Tchaikovsky composition, ice queens and fairies fluttered around Priyanka’s head.

“I’m here! Can you believe it?”

She was still pretty much straddled on Priyanka, making the brunette blush and hoping she could blame it on the weather. Finally, Lemon got to stand up and helped her friend to get on her feet again.

Lemon was irretrievably tiny but there was something different about her since the last time they had seen each other. She looked less like the little girl Priyanka remembered and more like a teen pop star of the magazines they used to read with her slightly curled lighter hair, pink glossy lips, longer lashes… She was wearing a yellow sweater and a white puffy jacket with matching fake fur around the neck, corduroy pants, and cream boots. Even her glasses were stylish now.

“Wait, are you taller?” She observed.

“No, you just shrunk in the washing machine.”

Lemon elbowed her and then turned to wave at her dad that was still in the car.

“He told me he saw you in the supermarket the other day and asked what does your mom feed you with so I could get some too.”

Priyanka laughed at loud. “He got you there.”

“Ha. Ha.”

“But enough with my height, let’s go inside, I think I got snow on my socks and I don’t want to catch a cold or wait until another short person attacks me.”

“Hey, you said enough with the height.”

“No, no. I clearly said mine, not yours.”

Lemon rolled her eyes and there it was the old Lemon she knew so well, the exact dose just a little less sugary and a bit sour.

They went to Priyanka’s room, she shared it with her middle sister but she was currently busy practicing at music school with her cello for her end of the year concert, there were a few trophies, certificates, and distinctions on her side of the room meanwhile Priyanka’s was a collage of pictures with the girls, an album cover Avril Lavigne, one large poster she got from the local cinema when Spice World was brought back for a special feature and she forced her friends to watch it for the millionth time, some random doodles she did in class and of course, photos and postcards Lemon had sent to her.

The blonde smiled when she spotted a picture of them from their first day of primary school, their backpacks were bigger than them.

They removed the heavy coats, Priyanka changed her wet socks for new ones and a pair of slippers. Lemon was prying into the mess that was her desk, her fingers roaming through her school books, comic books, magazines, and scattered papers as if she tried to figure out if she still knew the owner of that space in the way she used to.

They sat on Priyanka’s bed on the nothing-like-Priyanka flowery blanket one of her aunts got her for a birthday. Priyanka’s mom dropped by to say hi and left a tray with two smoky cups of tea.

“I love your mom, she read my mind.” Lemon said, wrapping her hands around the warm porcelain.

“She’s being nice only because you’re around.” Priyanka took a sip of her tea. “I wonder if it’s a good time to tell her that I broke one of her flowerpots when I was practicing with the skateboard.”

“You’re the worst.” Lemon giggled.

“Certified. Three years in a row.”

The blonde shook her head. “Does she still make that incredible curry with potatoes?”

“Yeah, once in a while.”

“Oh my God… I tell you I’ve dreamt about it. You know I love Christina to dead but she can’t cook at all.”

Lemon, at some point after the divorce, had stopped addressing her mother as “mom” and now she called her by her first name.

“Do you remember she always made dinner with dry spaghetti and can sauce?”

“You laugh all you want but that’s my comfort food till this day.” Priyanka defended her.

“She doesn’t even cook it anymore, now we buy it all pre-cooked or already cooked. She might even forget how to boil water. Anyway, we’ve tried a thousand restaurants but I swear to you, Pri, no one can cook like your mom.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve missed one of us.”

Lemon threw a pillow at her face.

“Of course I’ve missed you, dumbass.”

They did each other’s nails, Priyanka ended up with a light blue shade Lemon had brought for her and it was allegedly the same color as Tiffany’s, and the blonde insisted she had to draw a white ribbon to make it look like the jewel’s teeny tiny boxes.

From there, Priyanka could see everything. Lemon frowning, concentrated on her task, the way she batted her lashes, her pretty eyes, the little freckles she had over her nose, the shape of her cupid bow turned into an unintentional pout… her lips.

Priyanka gulped and then Lemon caught her staring.

“What is it?” She looked for some hint in Priyanka’s face. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No… I’m just making sure you don’t fuck up the design.”

Lemon rolled her eyes. “Don’t be silly. I’m almost done.”

While Priyanka’s nails got dried, they talked about school, classes they liked and disliked, teachers that they loathed or loved, then about their plans after turning sixteen, Priyanka told her about the driving lessons and Lemon told her she wanted to dress up as Cher Horowitz –of course- for her birthday and by the time Priyanka started with Lemon’s nails, she was reviving her dance audition.

“I tell you, Pri, there was a moment I doubt I’d got in. It was a flash but I felt it in my stomach I thought I was going to puke and mess everything up.”

“Hey, but you didn’t. I’m sure you nailed it.”

The blonde sighed. “Still, New York is like… everything’s so fast and everyone’s competitive to the point where you can’t get distracted or someone else will go after what you have. It’s nice to be here for a change, this is the only place I can really relax. It sucks that I can only stay for a week and five of those seven days I have to visit my dad’s relatives out of town.” She met Priyanka’s eyes. “I wish I could get to spend more time with you, you know?”

Priyanka’s heart skipped a beat. At that moment what she suspected but didn’t dare to say at loud became a reality, all those corny songs from the 90’s suddenly made sense, all the movies Hollywood had sold labeled as «romance» acquired a new meaning and she finally understood what «to have butterflies in one’s stomach» really felt like.

She liked Lemon. She liked her best friend…. And she liked her a lot.

That was the reason she hadn’t been able to tell her about what happened earlier that year at the party because it wasn’t just that she wanted to kiss a girl instead of a guy, she wanted to kiss one particular girl and she was right in front of her at that very moment.

They never warned her about it, they never told her that she would live normally until the day she’d realize she could harbor such feeling inside, that one day she’d just… know.

She almost dropped the nail polish bottle over the blanket.

“Oh, careful.” Lemon grabbed it just in time. She looked at her friend with concern in her eyes. “Pri, are you okay? You look… pale.”

“What? Ah, yeah… it’s nothing. I’m recovering from a cold I caught, that’s it…” She shook her head and took a breath of air. “I’m sorry, you were saying…”

“About the dance academy,” Lemon resumed her story. “the girls think I can make it through the next three years, and then I can major in dancing, I might even get a scholarship if I do outstandingly well.”

There was something, a little detail there that wasn’t… right.

“I hope you can visit me soon, you gotta meet the girls; you’re going to love them. Rosé and Jan are also Geminis, I guess that’s why I get along with them so well. Luckily, Jan would be my roommate if she gets her scholarship as well and…”

“Roommate?” Priyanka asked.

“Yeah… for college? We’re thinking about moving in together because rents are expensive even for the smallest studio apartment advertised. It’s a nightmare.”

“But wait… what happened with the plan? Our plan?”

Lemon opened her mouth to reply and then shut it.

“You forgot about it…”

“No! You know I didn’t… but… my options are wider now, I have to think forward and… did you seriously think-?”

“Yes. I did.” Priyanka didn’t even let her finish speaking.

Her soul had been just crushed.

“Pri, that’s not what I mean. We made that promise when we were ten, things have… changed since then.”

“Maybe they have changed for you but I’m still stuck here, I’m still counting on our plans… our promises. I’m still counting on you. The only thing that has changed is you and your pompous New Yorker glamorous lifestyle.”

“Oh, so it was so easy for me, right? It’s not like I had to attend a school where I didn’t know anyone, being the new girl and sitting alone during lunchtime for months while going through my parents’ divorce… I hated it the first months, Priyanka, I really did and I swear that talking to you on the phone and dancing were the only things that kept me alive…” Her voice cracked. “It wasn’t until I met my friends that I felt like I could do it… that it wasn’t completely waste of time and that I wasn’t a totally useless person.”

“Lemon… you never said-”

There was a single sparkly tear falling down her cheek.

“Well, I hope you’re happy now. There you have it, my life isn’t a glamorous as you thought, is it?”

“It’s because that’s what you’ve told me! Maybe if you didn’t sugarcoat things I could’ve helped you…”

“And do what? And then what? You’d get tired of me with all those problems and we’d eventually drift apart. I’d become a burden for you.”

“What? Where did you get that from? Let me be your friend, that’s what friends do… they help each other during the rough times too, they tell each other things.”

“Oh, and you surely have told me everything that’s being going on here.”

Priyanka remained silent.

“I still talk with some people from school here and there… why didn’t you tell me about what happened at that party?”

“Lemon, that’s completely different…”

“Is it? Because from my perspective, it looks like we’re hiding things from each other now.”

“And breaking promises as well for what it seems.”

Lemon looked at her, she seemed hurt and it broke Priyanka’s heart to see her like that.

She wanted to reach her and hold her hand, hug her and tell her that everything was alright but at the same time, she was angry. She couldn’t have it both ways. It wasn’t fair.

Priyanka’s mother called them from downstairs; Lemon’s father was there to pick her up.

“I better go.” She grabbed her coat. “I’ll be back in five days if you want… whatever.”

She was gone before Priyanka could say something and frankly, she felt that if she opened her mouth it was going to get worse. It wasn’t until the girl left the house and she heard the car getting lost in the distance that she collapsed on her bed and started crying on the closest pillow she had.

Five days after, it was a New Year already but little had changed since they last met.

Lemon visited Priyanka’s house only to discover she wasn’t there.

“Could you please tell her I came to say goodbye?” She bit her inner cheek to contain a sob.

She had a flight to take back to New York.

Priyanka had taken the family’s car without permission and she had driven for a few hours, making sure there was no chance of their paths crossing. It was petty; she knew she was being childish avoiding her rather than talk things through and she was going to regret it and hate herself later, damn, she was going to get grounded for months but who cared? At that moment, the only thing that was on her mind was that she couldn’t see Lemon.

Not like that.

She did her wrong but she was partly right. Priyanka wasn’t being honest with her and she couldn’t tell her all the truth to restore their friendship.

She couldn’t tell her that she was gay and that she was in love with her because it would change it all.

It would destroy their friendship entirely.

Lemon would never reciprocate those stupid feelings of her.

Maybe if she put enough distance between them, those feelings would simply fade, go away, and right now, New York sounded distant enough.

If it was on her to do the hardest part for the sake of all the years they’ve been together, then she was going to do whatever it’d take.

Tears scorched her eyes.

At the age of fifteen, Priyanka loved her best friend Lemon but she also hated her.

[ivyuns]

it’s you ❆

lee felix

genre: angst

word count: 2.2k

warnings: bad language + not proofread bc i was real tired from staying up

A/N: mentions of itzy but i know my baddies would never do this ok it’s just a replacement for names and this is really bad i apologize !!

masterlist

you invited all 7 of your bestest friends for a sleepover; yuna, julia, yeji, ryujin, chaeryeong, jooyoung, and felix. you and your 7 friends has been together since middle school and now you guys are in your first year of college. but felix, you two have been childhood best friends. it started as you playing at the neighborhood playground.

your mom and aunt were talking while watching you play on the bench. you went on the slide and fell down. you cried out for your mom’s name but she didn’t hear clear enough. you cried and cried til a boy bent down and asked what was wrong. you look up and saw a boy around your age. you told him your situation and he got a first aid kit from his mom and bandaged you. “thank you” you softly said. “don’t worry! i hope your knee gets better! i’m felix by the way.” ah, so that was his name. “i’m y/n!” you exclaimed. you two started playing with each other since then, even to college days.

you were cut off by your thoughts when you heard your doorbell ring. you looked on your phone to see who was here by the camera on your doorbell and saw your 5 bad bitches. “hey gurlie!” “hi” “omg i missed you so much!” was all what the girls mouth came out from. you hugged everyone and welcomed them into your home. “so tonight, i also brought jooyoung and felix and were all sleeping in the living room!” chaeryeong gasped as she heard the name “jooyoung”. she had a big fat crush on him as the other girls ooed you two, knowing both of your crushes will be coming.

you guys keep talking and gossiping til you heard a doorbell, again. opening the RING app, you saw felix. you threw your phone and ran to your front door. the girls laughed and continued talking. you opened the door and saw felix with his messy hair and stuff. “hey pretty lady” he winked. you blushed and hugged him. “thank you for coming lix” you smiled and brought him to the living room where the rest of the people would be. the 5 girls talked and talked while you and felix were at your kitchen island. you two kept teasing each other and recreating funny tiktok memes you both saw on felix’s phone. the girls behind you two started eyeing you guys.

“are you sure they’re not dating?”

julia whispered. everyone else shook they’re head as a no. everyone were pretty sure you two belonged with each other, no matter what, you two were always together.

a doorbell caught everyone’s attention, even chaeryeong. chaeryeong ran to the front door, ready to greet jooyoung. everyone laughed, even felix since he knows about the whole chaeryeong liking jooyoung thing. she opened the door and stood in admiration. she stood there, looking at him for a whole minute til ryujin yelled at her. “yah chaeryeong! stop!” chaeryeong was back in reality and immediately apologized. “it’s no big deal silly” jooyoung reassured her, ruffling her hair and walking to felix. chaeryeong felt like she was in heaven, walking behind him as everyone laughed.

“ay wassup man!” jooyoung fists bumped with felix. “hey y/n! hey yeji, julia, ryujin and yuna!” he hugged everyone. chaeryeong bumped into a pillar while being focus on jooyoung. yeji turned around and saw chaeryeong on the floor.

“chaeryeong! wake up!”

yeji yelled and everyone’s attention was on yeji and chaeryeong. jooyoung ran to chaeryeong, making sure nothing badly injured her since he was in nursing school. “okay so nothing bad happened, just a small bruise will be on her forehead for a week but other than that, she’s all good!” yeji exhaled heavily, thankful for what jooyoung said. jooyoung picked up chaeryeong from the floor bridal style and laid her on the couch as everyone started chatting again,

30 minutes later.

chaeryeong was still passed out on the couch with her favorite blanket of hers on her. ryujin, yeji, jooyoung and felix started yawning and went to bed. meanwhile you, julia, and yuna remained in the dinning room, not too close from the living room. yuna started confessing how she was in love with this boy and pointed out his futures. i listened carefully and made me feel like she was in love with felix. i mean yuna is pretty. prettier than me. her long blonde hair, skinny waist, and natural glowing skin. wait no i shouldn’t be like this. yuna checked the time and read [2:09AM] on her phone. “oh guys, i should head to bed. goodnight see you later!” and went to the living room with the tv only lighting up the room.

“yeah, i should go too. night y/n!” julia yawned a goodnight to you. “goodnight julia! sweet dreams” you smiled. now it was just you awake. you scrolled through instagram and snapchat, looking at your other friends; prettier than you. of course they’re better looking at you. you had acne scars on your face and you seem darker than others, though you were only korean/chinese. a tear left you eye as you quickly wiped it. you turned off your phone and left the dinning chair to head to bed couch. you looked up from staring at your foot to see yuna and cuddling. tch. no wonder she’s been quiet since he came.

you gasp and ran away, making your phone fall from your grip which resulted felix waking up. felix saw you running under the tv’s light and quickly got up, accidentally kicking yuna in the process. you ran to your garden and suprisingly it was raining. you found a spot and sobbed in a corner. felix managed to find you, due to your sobs and went to go hug you.

“i’m sorry y/n. it’s not what you think.”

“then what was it!?”

felix only sighed after you yelled at him. he kept hugging you while you lightly punched him, waiting for you to calm down to explain everything.

“i didn’t do anything. i thought it was you because you have almost the same futures as yuna. but i’m sorry, i should’ve made sure it was you instead of her. i love you y/n.” felix explained.

oh how could you not forgive your crush. you smiled and a stray tear left your eye again. felix wiped your tear and kissed your forehead. he ended up leading you to your mattress in the living room, not caring one bit of being wet from the rain.

everyone but you and felix woke up. yuna was confused as to why felix was sleeping with you, but everyone took pictures for memory since they knew you had a big crush on felix. yuna only smirked, trying to find her way to have felix her own.

next night.

you swear you saw the same thing. but this time, they were kissing. you couldn’t believe your eyes so you quickly ran out. ran outside to the neighborhood and hid behind a tree. you’re neighbors who were practically your other best friends, yi-seo and minho saw you and quickly approached you. they saw tears streaming down your face and asked what was wrong. you explained everything, even the part of how you fell in love with your best friend. they hugged you and told you it was ok and everything will stop. stop?

few weeks later.

you were laying in bed, trying hard to get rid of that image out. stupid y/n why did you have to fall for a guy like him. you got distracted from a notification from your phone and went to open it.

lix <3: hey wanna go to the mall? we haven’t hanged out in awhile (:

y/n!: yea let’s go!

you smacked your head after replying too fast. god we’re you such a clown for him.

-

you two arrived at the mall and decided to go for a escape room. you guys were so close on escaping til you told felix, “lix can i tell you something?” he looked at the timer to see you guys have 20 minutes left and nodded. you held your breathe for a minute, finally telling him how you feel.

“i-i like you. wait no i actually love you. you might not feel the same but these feelings had to be out of my chest somehow. i love how you would pick me up after class, how your sweet words would turn my bad day to a better day. how you would protect me as if i was a little girl who was about to get hurt. how you would care and support me. how you would forgive me for the dumbest shit i ever did. how you would suddenly turn into a bad boy for me. how you would make me smile and laugh like nobody had made me do. because of you, it’s you. it’s always you. how shown me my actual self. and because of you, i don’t think nobody would ever compare to you.”

you closed your eyes as you felt relieved. but also felt tears. felix only scoffs and and chuckles. “you really think i like you back? no way in hell would i love you. yeah you maybe my childhood best friend but not all endings are like those fanfics. i see you as a little sister, not something more than a best friend. i’m sorry but you can get this through your own way.”

with that, felix left you alone in the cold room. you cried and cried til you passed out in the cold. the mall closed and the owner of the store was making sure everything was ready for the next group to come by tomorrow til he saw a lifeless body on the floor. they tried to wake you up by shaking you til they felt your pulse, it was nothing. they called 911 and took you to the emergency room.

-

felix’s pov.

“hello? are you somehow miss y/n’s friend?” a voice rang through the call. “yes. did anything happen?” i asked, tears streaming down my cheeks. “something did happen. can you please come to levanter hospital?” with that, i hung up and called the group and hesitated to call changbin. i ran to the hospital they told me. oh my god what have i done.

-

as i entered the hospital, only to see julia, yeji and changbin sitting with tears down their face. i slowly approached them and changbin noticed. “you fucking jerk! do you not know how much you meant to y/n and you fucking left her to die!? you kid. why did i let you close to my sister anyways.” he yelled at me and threw punches. i deserve this.

yeji and julia stood up to stop changbin punching me. i look in the mirror in front of me and damn, i fucked up bad. the doctor came out and asked for a family member of y/n. changbin stood up and gave me a stare. “if she’s dead you’re fucked up kid.” and left to go to the room.

changbin’s pov.

i entered the room and sat in front of the doctor. “how are you related to miss y/n sir?” he asked. “i am seo changbin, her brother.” i introduced myself. “ah ok changbin. i hate to say but your little sister had blood poisoned where her body wasn’t functioning well. the test came positive where she was slacking nutrients in her body and stayed dehydrated. since she was in the room for so long, she has a very low chance on surviving.” wait what? did he just- i widen my eyes and yelled at him. “please do your best to save her! she’s the only thing i have please!” i held his shoulders and cried. no, i can’t let y/n go just how mom and dad left. stay strong y/n. please.

3rd pov.

“you know, she gave big hints for you felix.” yeji spoke after changbin was asked to go to the room. “yea, she was head over heels for you. til you had to ruin her fun with yuna” julia joined in. felix didn’t know what to do. he just ruined his best friends life and he doesn’t know if she’ll be alive or not.

the doctor came out with a changbin, crying behind him and told the three the news. julia and yeji held each other and cried in each other’s arms. felix, he only clenched his fist, making his nuckles white and crying even more harder.

-

the surgery was unsuccessful. chaeryeong, ryujin and jooyoung got a call which resulted chaeryeong in a big mess of tears. she couldn’t believe it. her best friend just died with a snap. she went up to felix and grabbed his shoulders. “you fucking dick how could you!? how can you not realized what you done!?” she screamed into felix’s face til jooyoung had to hold her back and hugged her, telling her it’s okay. (yes they end up getting together)

felix didn’t know what to do anymore. he finally has those feelings for you. the feelings of what you told felix. he feels a pang in his heart after looking and reminiscing the memories of you two. he knows there won’t be another you. he knows that it was only you who was his sunshine. it was you all the time. it’s you who made him happier than he was.

—

(he ended up cutting ties with yuna omg this is so bad)

[writeyourownlifestory]

L I GH T S  U P

Chapters: 1/20 Fandom: IT Rating: M Warnings: No warnings at this time  Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom Additional Tags: PunkRocker!Eddie, Writer!Richie, Beveddie!Friendship, No Clown Written by: myself & @ahardlife Tag list: @richietoaster, @beproudtozier, @that-weird-girls-blog, @s-onora, @s-s-georgie, @bellarosewrites, @iamcupcakefrosting, @reddieonwheels, @bi-gemini1983

Puff piece writer Richie Tozier is given the chance of a lifetime to interview his celebrity crush: Dr. K, the lead singer of punk rock band, Trashmouth. Dr. K is about to release his first solo album and Richie wants to get all the dirty details. But all is not what it appears to be and the two realize they know each other from a different time, in a different place, when they were both very different people.

One: Cruel To Be Kind: Nick Lowe

Oh I can't take another heartache Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wit's end You say your love is bonafide, but that don't coincide With the things that you do And when I ask you to be nice, you say

You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign Cruel to be kind, means that I love you, baby (You've gotta be cruel) You gotta be cruel to be kind

Richie Tozier didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life.

That wasn’t a very unique statement but Richie wasn’t a very unique person. An average guy who was as blind as a bat, born in bumblefuck nowhere and eventually making it out of there and into the big wild city, making a living working at a big-name magazine.

Okay, the last part was pretty impressive, but he didn’t actually work very hard for that job.

He used to dream of writing comedy. Of telling jokes or writing for amazing shows like Saturday Night Life or something on Comedy Central. He wanted to be a comedian. To make people laugh. Sure, he is seen as the funny guy around the watering tank, but thats just because the rest of the people he worked with were a bunch of yuppies with impressive college degrees and no real personalities. They’re no better than the robots who work for Buzzfeed.

They had paperback covers and an app for people who didn’t want to go to the store to buy an actual copy. They had their own YouTube channel that hit millions of hits thanks to interviews and other shit that Richie took part in.

When Bill decided he wanted to make this into a real thing, he wanted it to make some sense. It wasn’t some balls to the ball insanity mag that people read for juicy gossip. It was real. The people who subscribed were real and the people featured in it were real.

Richie’s writing, not so much.

He mostly did puff pieces. Little things that didn’t take a lot of effort but were mostly filler in between the larger stories. It was something Bill had done for them after the magazine got big. You see, he and Bill had been buddies in college. Both young and naive about the world. Neither really knew what they wanted, but they had dreams and that was all that mattered back then.

It was Bill that had the real talent with writing and despite publishers being interested, he never took into account just how much time, effort, and money went into getting a book published. Richie, always believing in his best friend, decided to give him all the cash he had saved up for spring break so he would make the first move on getting his novel out.

He didn’t mind much as he found that he could eat, sleep, and drink on the couch the same way he could out on the beach.  

That novel ended up being a best seller and skyrocketed Bill’s career. Bill always remembered that, so when his second and third books became such a thrill, he decided to take the chance and create a magazine and brought Richie along for the ride.

It was easy work and he made good money for doing very little, but he found that was the main cause of his quarter-life crisis. He wanted so much more than he had been given that Richie was actually feeling guilty for wanting more.

He had done stand up in the city and even took an improv class, but nothing seemed to stick to him. Now he was over thirty and found himself in a rut. He lived alone in a small apartment filled with things he didn’t need but purchased because he thought they would bring out a sense of excitement.

He was single, though that was a whole nother issue as it took Richie an embarrassingly long time to come to terms with his own sexuality. Growing up in a small town where people were cruel and the world didn’t understand left marks on an impressionable kid. It wasn’t until he was halfway through college that he did anything with a guy and well-passed gradation that he realized that it was more than okay to be gay, it was normal.

So yeah, he was open and fine with it, but still lonely as hell. He had been with people in the past, but he found that he mostly just shut himself off from the world. He wasn’t happy about anything anymore and it seemed the only thing that got him by was that ending it all would have proved his teenage bullies right; that he was better off dead.

And if there was anything Richie wanted to live for, it was spite.

And also music.

Despite not being musically inclined at all, Richie loved music with all his heart. He spent a good portion of his time listening to records as a kid. He used to go around carrying a walkman and CD player and Zune throughout his life. He paid for the mom's gigs on his phone because he needed to have all his favorite songs ready to blast at the tap of a finger.

While they already had a guy that wrote specifically about music for the magazine, he had always been able to sweet talk Bill into allowing him to have a few moments to shine and write something about some artist. Those were the pieces that really mattered to him. The ones that gave Richie the chance to dive deep into the thing he loved.

Sure, he had written a whole expose on Street Fighter and perhaps he did make a big deal out of the Star Wars franchise, but it was the moments when Richie could reel back and listen before writing that got him going.

They rarely did full-length articles on performers as the magazine was something of a clusterfuck of topics. Bill Denbrough never wanted to settle on just one thing. Paper Boat was more than just one specific topic. It was everything and they would be damned if they ever settled on its something.

But of course, now and then something would come along and the whole team would be scrambling to put together a magazine dedicated to that one specific person. It wasn’t always a celebrity. Bill meant what he said when he wanted to keep the magazine aimed at the everyday people.

Their biggest seller to date had been when they put out issues all about Ben Hanscom the architect. Richie had no idea why anybody would want to read about the guy other than to enjoy the pictures that were taken of him, but low and behold, the world wanted to know.

As it turned out, Ben was a decent human being who just wanted to make the world a better place and he also happened to be extremely hot while doing it. Who knew that was possible!

The physical copies sold out everywhere and the website crashed thanks to all the promotions they did on it. Like, what the actual fuck?

Bill was that good at what he did and it also helped that he was writing his books on the side. He had people from all over coming through wanting to see what they could do and it only proved to be more impressive as time went on.

Now the magazine needed something new, something fresh and it seemed Bill had it all planned out.

“Here at Paper Boat, we don’t choose a good looking celebrity because we want to make money. You know, I’m not going to call up Jennifer Aniston and ask her to do me a favor -- I could, but I won’t -- because that isn’t what we do here.” Bill explained as they went over the board meeting for the next issue. “The people featured on our cover are interesting. People who want to bring the world together and make a change. Or maybe they’re just batshit insane and look good while doing it. Who knows.”

A small array of laughter came over the place. Richie leaned back in his chair, half paying attention. He knew how these things went. Bill made a big, exciting speech before revealing who or what they’d be focusing on. The assignments would be passed around and Richie would be given something soft and fun.

He got the dumb shit that got the people who didn’t want to read involved. Sometimes he’d do interviews while vlogging. They’d try food they never tried before or do something stupid. One of the most interesting had been when he got assigned to interview Kristen Wiig while bobbing for apples. Certainly interesting and the flow to the website was wonderful.

Richie was the writer they went to when they wanted it to seem kitsch and gimmicky. Enough for it to garner actual attention, but nothing worth anybody's time.

He tossed his stress ball up in the air, catching it as it followed the natural path and came back down. He got bored easily as meetings like this and he waited for Bill to just get on with it and assign everybody their respected jobs.

Bill hit a button on his computer, revealing a picture that Richie was all too familiar with. It was of a punk rock band that he had followed since he graduated from college. Trashmouth was one of the greatest bands that had ever come into Richie’s life. They were like if Queen and the Ramones were put together, had a baby, and then that baby had a baby with Green Day: that weirdly insane combination would be Trashmouth.

There were five members, but the main focus was and always had been the lead singer and guitarist Dr. K. Nobody knew why he went by that nor did he ever give an answer. Richie had googled him a couple of times, wanting to find out more, but the guy was a fucking mystery. It was like he just appeared on the scene, completely out of his mind with cut off sleeves and steller vocals.

It was safe to say Richie had a big gay crush on Dr. K.

And that was fine because Dr. K was just as gay.

He had never been seen with anybody, always choosing to keep his personal life private, but his songs were obvious enough even if most of them seemed pretty genderless. He had done one interview where the person asking the questions kept using the term ‘she’ or ‘her’ until finally, the guy replied that he writes songs about guys.

That took the world by fucking storm and Richie Tozier had never been the same.

“Some of you may be familiar with Trashmouth. Multiple Grammy noms and wins. Always in the top 40 listings despite repeatedly being told that punk rock was dead.”

“Please tell me we’re going to be featuring the band,” Mike, the music specialist for the magazine, piped up eagerly.

“I can’t because we won’t,” Bill replied. “Our focus is on him.” Bill hit another button and a solo picture of Dr. K popped up.

Richie’s mouth was watering and he sat up straight. He had the same picture in a small poster in his apartment. It was set up alongside some other pictures in what he called his “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Wall” because he was just that big of a fan. He looked at it often, always finding himself thankful for all the music that had been created and got him through some pretty dark days as a kid.

Did it also help that Dr. K was incredibly attractive and gave Richie a little bit of encouragement just by looking so good? Yes, yes it did.

“It seems Dr. K will be going off on his own. My sources tell me he’ll be putting out a solo album by the end of the year and I want to know everything about it. Mikey, that’s your job. Speak to whoever you have to to find out what is going to be on that album. Audra, speak to the rest of the band, find out how they feel about the ending of an era. Georgie, get your camera ready because we’re doing a photo shoot with him in three days.”

“Who is doing the main exposé?” Greta asked, popping her gum as she spoke.

Bill smirked, turning back to his computer. “I’ll pick someone later. For now, you’re all dismissed.”

The group got up from their chairs and left Bill’s office. All except for Richie, who was too fucking flabbergasted to do a damn thing. As Bill began to head out, he finally scrambled to his feet to follow him. His long legs led him there quickly, though he mostly sidestepped around his coworkers to finally reach their boss.

“Bill! Big Bill! Wait up.” He called, following him to the elevator.

“What's up, Rich? I’m about to head out for lunch.” Bill said, turning to face him. “You hungry? We could check out that new sandwich place that opened across the way.

“Oh, no. I’m time. Stuffed.” Richie patted his stomach lamely, offering a large smile to his friend and boss. “Hey! So, just checking in to see about that latest pitch.”

“Oh right,” Bill paused, hitting the elevator button. “You were a fan of that band, right? Oof. Sorry about the breakup buddy. Haven’t you seen them like six times?”

“It’s sixteen, but that’s not important right now.” Richie corrected. “Bill. Buddy. You have to listen to me.”

“You got it, Rich.”

“I know you only trust me with the puff pieces because I’m not as talented as Mike or even Greta, but I need you to trust me on this.”

“You can do the exposé, Rich.”

“I have gotten better over time and I swear, if you just give me the chance, I promise. I won’t do a single embarrassing voice or anything to get Paper Boat blacklisted.”

“I’m sure you’ll embarrass yourself in one way or another, but that’s your issue. You have two days.”

“Until what?”

“Until your interview with Dr. K,” Bill said, stepping into the elevator as the doors opened. “If you’d stopped rambling you would have heard me tell you that you’re going to be the one doing the expose. You’ll be meeting him in two days, so you better come up with some good questions.”

“Holy shit,” Richie muttered.

“Holy shit, indeed Tozier,” Bill smirked. “I know you’ve been in some sort of funk lately, so I hope that this will shake you up a bit. Better keep your fanboy boner under control.” Bill warned, smiling as the elevator doors closed between them.

Whether Richie realized it or not, Bill believed in him and his writing ability. He may not have the raw talent like himself, but he knew what Richie was capable of. He has a way with people that allowed them to loosen up and relax and nothing was better for a good interview than someone comfortable with the person asking the questions.

Bill couldn’t think of a single person who would be better for this specific project and having Richie be an uber-fan of the artist was just a bonus. If Richie made an ass of himself, that would be his problem, not the magazines.

Richie stood there, not knowing what to do next. He looked to his watch, realizing he had less than 72 hours to come up with a buttload of questions for his idol. He ran back to his cubby to brainstorm.

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (6)

Chapter 6: Franklin vs. Penn: Ultimate Grudge Match

“I’m sorry,” He said, all polite-and-founding-father like, “but the museum is now closed. Those who do not leave WILL BE EXTERMINATED. As I always say, early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and NOT DEAD! Thank you so much for visiting the Franklin Institute, and please come back tomorrow, when I WON’T KILL YOU!”

           Unfortunately for Silverstein, I’d been in situations like this a thousand times before. See, when you get in trouble, be it trying to flood the house, drawing pictures on the walls, or just plain old putting fireworks in your breakfast cereal, you learn real quick to always have a buddy (or little brother) on standby. Why? Because-

“It was them, Mr. Franklin!” I cried, pointing my index finger. “They started it!”

Then I ran. Always run before they can think long enough to punish you!

There was a loud Pop as Ben Franklin cracked his knuckles.

“A fool and his money are soon parted, as is a certain Quaker and his life if he does not leave now. I once said visitors and fish stink after three days, but you were rotten on arrival, pacifist!”

Penn stamped his foot so hard it cracked the floor, accepting the challenge. “I may not believe in fighting, but soon you shall see why they call us the Quakers, you impoverished d!ck!”

“Uhh… guys? I’m still here.” Said Silverstein, just in time for Penn to kick him into a marble pillar.

“The child is mine to reprimand, you fool!”

“’Tis not!”

“’Tis too!”

“’Tis not!”

           As much as I wanted to hear a riveting philosophical debate between two of PA’s most famous citizens, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to getting crushed by giants, either. Instead I ran. I ran so far away. Now, keep in mind I hadn’t been to the museum since I was five, which made searching out the train an absolute pain. Having two giant men bumbling behind me didn’t exactly help.

All I could think was runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun.

           It should have been easy: all I needed to do was find that stupid train, bring it to life with gold dust, and vamoose! If only I could remember which room the darn thing was in! Instead, I ran through rooms filled with electricity, weather, and ‘shudder’ physics. Sometime along the way, I realized this is where parents put all the boring sciences nobody cared about, locking them away from the rest of the world. This wasn’t a museum, this was a prison. A prison of learning.

           Then there were Ben Franklin and William Penn hot on my tail, reducing rooms to rubble as they went. I had no idea what would happen when all that science got released into the world, but I didn’t want to find out. At least they seemed more interested in each other than me. Until Ben Franklin stuffed Penn’s body up a working Tesla coil, that is. Penn might have recovered, had he been made of something other than bronze. Instead, the room exploded in a burst of electricity, Franklin and I leaping out in the nick of time like a pair of action heroes.

           Of course, without Penn to distract him, I had to contend with Big Ben himself (and Silverstein, whenever the heck he got back in the fight). So now on top of finding Baldwin (seriously, how hard can finding a 400,000 pound choo-choo train possibly be?!) I had the world’s angriest founding father on my tail, spitting maxims at me. Maxims that were also really bad puns about my demise (that I may or may not still sometimes hear in my sleep).

“I once said three can keep a secret if two of them are dead. So far, one down, one to go!”

I slammed my knuckles to my head.

Come on, Watt! Think, thiiinnnnkkkkkk!

I pumped my ten year old legs hard enough to pop my knees off, the air pushing back against me like concrete. There was a flash; the world spun. Then everything was still. Absolutely still.

                                                          .   .   .

           When I opened my eyes, I back at the Franklin Institute. Srta. Now, it was day and there were tons of guests. And in that great thong of guests was none other than five year old me being dragged along his parents. 

Fist, I was right confused about what the hey was going on, when it struck me that just last year I managed to run faster than the speed of light, going back through time. But back then, I’d sprained my ankle so I shouldn’t have been able to go that fast again. This had to be an illusion! Unless...

Unless, being a soul now, my ghost ankle wasn’t sprained, which, combined with my dinosaur feet, had let me run fast enough to break he sound barrier again and go back to the day my parents first took me to this hell of learning! Should I have been worried I wasn’t more shocked? Maybe, but all my mind could think of was how I distinctly remembered seeing a giant train as the last stop on my visit. It took my nerve wracked mind five seconds to churn out a plan. And so began the first (but sadly, not last) time I would find myself stalking somebody.

           Funny about stalking. In the movies they make it look like some daring spy espionage thing while some awesome music plays in the background. Fact is, you spend most of it just sitting around searching for that perfect mix of part of the crowd, but not so much you’ve lost your target, the whole time internally screaming Darn it, kid! Put down the plastic stegosaurus and get a move on to the trains already! (I also felt tempted to tell him throwing Steggy into incoming traffic on the way home was a terrible idea even by 5-year-old standards, but that’s the sort of thing that causes time paradoxes, so I kept my mouth shut.) Seriously, it’s no wonder I didn’t remember squat about the place! And somehow, despite having his face in front of a dinosaur the whole time, little Watt spent hours in front of every exhibit (except the giant human heart, that one sent little me screaming for the exit until Mom convinced him there were no ghosts in there). If it weren’t for Dad grumbling how ‘we should’ve just gone to the dinosaurs like we usually do’ while Mom countered with ‘we need to expand our son’s horizons’, I might have died of boredom for the third time that summer.

           One planetarium show later (which I sat outside for, seeing I didn’t have a ticket) they finally got a move on to the trains, which actually got little me to stop staring at his plastic dinosaur for five seconds. Heck, I found myself gaping at the darn thing (which of course was in an out of the way area most people wouldn’t even notice if it wasn’t on the map.)

           So I knew where the Baldwin was, now I could get going returning to my own time! As if on cue, a loudspeaker screamed

“ATTENTION GUESTS! IN FIVE MINUTES THERE WILL BE A DEMONSTRATION OF OUR TESLA COIL IN THE WONDERS OF ELECTRICITY EXHIBIT!”

           Mom, determined to get little me to see there was more to life than dinosaurs (Mom, I love you, but you’re wrong) immediately started dragging the family over. Naturally, I followed suit, knowing full well how this story ended.

Turned out, there was one other thing that could get little me to take his eyes off his plastic dinosaur for more than five seconds (that wasn’t a giant, fleshy organ in the middle of a museum hall). And that was seeing their future self running into the Tesla coil right as the demonstration began.

Have you ever been barbequed? Roasted so dark your skin feels like lava, then you can’t feel anything at all? Well, jumping into that coil was like that, and more. Only thing I could feel was my brains being spun around like clothes in a washer. All the while, I thought of that stupid giant heart. Whose heart did it even belong to, anyway, and who thought it was a good idea to put it in the middle of a museum hall where all a manner of kids could crawl through it to their heart’s content?

Whose heart was it?

But I already knew the answer, just like I know the history of dinosaurs. With that knowledge, I came up with the perfect plan.

And everything was still, absolutely still.

                                                         .   .   .

           When I got back up, it was nighttime in 2006, angry Ben Franklin and all. Quick on my feet, I ran to where the little kids go to learn how disgusting they are on the inside. Franklin followed close behind, each footstep a five on the Richter scale. If I wanted to pull my plan off, I couldn’t miss a beat. Running was a bit trickier, though: somehow, I’d sprained my ghost ankle from running so fast. Not that I really had time to wonder how that worked. 

Anyway!

           Most kids like theme parks. I was never one of them. You know why? Because of those creepy animal mascots! Just like clowns, there’s something inhuman about them! But at the end of the day, a thousand of those costumed freaks seemed less scary than Big Ben Franklin’s ticker. And this is coming from a guy who literally lived in the Underworld for a few weeks!

           Did you know it glows at night?! It freaking glows at night like some bloody Chinese lantern. While pulsing! It was enough to make me lose my lunch (or Cheetos, in this case) to the point where I wondered if being crushed to death in the marble hands of our first president might not be such a bad thing after all. (He was our first president, right?) But at the end of it all, I flinched. First I was fleeing from death, the next moment I was lodged somewhere in Big Ben’s left ventricle.

“Coward! Come out and face me!” He cried, punching a hole mere inches from my face.

I may or may have not screamed as blood splattered my face. For the next few minutes, it was a fight for survival. Franklin ripped open the heart, trying to grab me, and I didn’t know what would kill me first: Fists, or the guy’s cringy maxims.

“He who would sacrifice his freedom for security deserves neither!”

Punch.

“My energy and persistence will conquer all things-that includes your flimsy little bones!”

Slam!

I would have parried with quips of my own, but really, it’s kinda hard to come up with puns for ‘ventricle’. But in the end, I decided who lived a-or-ta died, so that’s neat.

Sure enough, the more Franklin punched, the more blood spread over his marble face, the slower the heat beat and the weaker he got, over and over and over…

“Nothing is… certain in life… but death and…”

Just like that, Ben Franklin collapsed on the floor. Now it was my turn for a witty one liner.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you an investment in knowledge pays the best interest? Fun fact about the heart: when it stops beating, you stop living.”

And with that, I went to my way toward the Baldwin, but not before Franklin gave me one last ominous warning.

“He who lives upon hope…”

I didn’t hear the rest because by then, he’d drowned in his own blood.

           So I ran to the best of my memory, diving down that staircase where they keep the pendulum thingy into the space travel exhibit (or as I like to call it: ‘You think it’s gonna be fun, but it’s not’.) And who do I see leaning against a replica lunar module but Smell Silverstein himself, looking mighty proud of himself

“Good evening, Watterson.” He said, all sinister-like. “You probably think you’ve been doing real good, busting up two of Pennsylvania’s most famous figures like that. Too bad, mother*cker! Because I’m Shel mother*ckin’ Silverstein, and now, you will be crushed by the wrath of Apollo, the Living Lunar Module!”

With as much charisma as he could muster, he took some dust from his pocket and splashed it on the space thing.

Nothing happened.

Shel looked at his hands, now a bright orange. “What the Stephen Hellenberg?! This isn’t gold dust, this is CHEESE PUFF DUST!”

           You know that gold dust Silverstein tried to snatch from me earlier? Too bad he didn’t have good night vision (the kind you get from constantly checking for monsters under your bed) otherwise he’d have noticed I’d pulled the ol’ switcheroo on him. 

And I made certain he wouldn’t have time to correct his mistake. 

You ever rammed a guy twice your size before? The key is to catch them by surprise, because even if you’re an eighty pound wimp like yours truly, if the other guy isn’t expecting it, they’ll topple like a domino, bang their head on the leg of a lunar module, and that will be that.

           Of course, I didn’t exactly have time to celebrate my victory. With what little energy I had left, I tottered over to the train exhibit. For a moment I’d expected the worst, but there it was, black, long, and big as a house: the Baldwin 60000, the greatest locomotive ever designed by man. Right where I’d left it. Climbing into the cockpit, I opened the firebox, pouring every last ounce of Penn’s gold dust inside. The whole thing shimmered as streams of gold circled the train, like some kind of magic spell.

“What the f*ck?!”

A deep booming voice erupted from right out of nowhere.

“Where am I? What is this place?! How the hell am I talking?!”

“Hey, relax-“

“And now there’s a voice in my head!”

“Actually, my name’s Watt, and I’m gonna bust you out of here.”

“Well I’m not interested! If you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to being the greatest steam engine in America!”

I slapped my head, finally realizing my Mom put up with this crap every time she put me to bed at night.

“C’mon, Baldwin, I nearly got sent to the Underworld, MULTIPLE TIMES I might add, trying to rescue you!”

“Then if you want a train so badly, go to Rocket over there! He’d probably help you out!”

Rocket was a dinky little rust bucket who probably couldn’t outrun a fourth grader, much less crush a Wegmart Greeter. In fact, I’m still not sure if that thing even qualified as a train.

Fortunately, my Mom put up with this crap every time she put me to bed, so let’s just say I knew a little about getting people to do what you want.

“Fine then,” I said, putting up my hands and making an exasperated sigh. “Guess you won’t have the chance to be famous, then.”

“How?!” The desperation in his voice was palpable.

“Oh, I just wanted you of run over a Wegmart Greeter and help some geese get their nesting grounds back. It would get you in the papers. But I could just go over to Rocket, since you insisted…”

A whistle erupted. “NO! NO! You definitely want me! Ever since I’ve somehow gained a consciousness, all I’ve had the inescapable urge to do something stupid that’ll land me in the papers! I’m a very useful engine, I SWEAR! Please don’t leave meee!”

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes “Okay, but promise you’ll do everything I say, alright.”

“Yes, yes! Anything for fame!”

Just at that moment, William Penn barged in, creating a giant Quaker shaped hole in the wall. His hair was a bit frazzled, but other than that he looked just as dandy as when I first saw him.

“Halt, Wastrel! In the name of Penn-“

“CHARGE!” I screamed.

With an ear shattering whistle Baldwin rammed forward, shattering Penn’s bronze butt into a million pieces. But we didn’t stop there. No, we kept going through the museum, out the other end, and…

“We’re going to crash into traffic!”

“Don’t worry, kid! You just have to belieeeeevvvveeeee!”

“How is that supposed to-“

“Do you want to ram through a traffic jam or not?!”

So I did. I hugged the firebox, believing we might somehow get away with all this. Gradually, the ground stopped screeching beneath us. When I finally found the courage to look down, we were a hundred feet in the air. I wondered what passersbys would think when they looked up to see a seven hundred thousand pound train making a silhouette as it passed over the moon.

“What the heck is happening?!”

“Magic, kid! The Magic of BELEIVING, MOTHERFORKER!” He tooted his whistle triumphantly “Just don’t stop, or we all fall to our deaths. I’ll even sing a song to help you remember!”

“No that’s-“

“Don’t stop! Beleivviiiinnnngg!”

I screamed all the way back to the pond.

                                                          .   .   .

Just like I promised, Baldwin did get in the papers. Specifically, an article in the National Esquirerer titled

“Lascivious Locomotive Finishes Founding Father! Makes Daring Escape into the Heavens!”

Right beneath an article about one of the most pressing issues of our time:

‘Hannah Montana: the American Beethoven?’

[goldenuwuswriting]

Siren’s Song

A/N: Just in case you haven’t heard this man’s heavenly vocals: A video or two! Also credit to @ncttrinities for feeding into my zero self-control and helping plan this. I might be slightly wh*pped for him.

Pairing: Nakamoto Yuta x Reader

AU: Siren! and College!

Summary: Sirens don’t exist or do they? 

“Sirens were originally Persephone’s three handmaidens. When Hades kidnapped Persephone to be his wife, Demeter gave the handmaidens beautiful golden wings so they could search the earth. They eventually gave up, making Demeter mad and causing her to curse them to an island.” Professor Nakamoto lectures alongside the powerpoint made by his TA, Johnny. You took this Greek Mythology 101 class for the easy A or so you thought. Professor Nakamoto grades based on how much effort you put into the assignment and how much you participate in class. 

“Time’s almost up for today, so your assignment for this week is to write your own siren myth.” The professor always had assignments like that. You thought that he set the class up like that to see how much the students retained from his lectures, but little did you know that he was hiding a big secret.

Professor Yuta Nakamoto was a siren and trying to teach that sirens don’t exist. The curse was just that in his opinion. The man literally looks like a god and could have been an Idol but had decided to teach to protect his secret. Johnny, his TA, came from America and was just as handsome as Yuta. Johnny was older than Yuta, but messed around and never graduated college and was the only one in the history department who knew Yuta’s secret. 

You, on the other hand, were halfway through a Master’s degree in History. You were trying to take all of the credit hours you could, just to graduate early and start your life. Midterms were a few months away, so you had to make at least an  A on them to give you a little wiggle room for the finals.

Johnny, being the greatest TA bless him (bless me achoo), hosts a study group and has office hours in Professor Nakamoto’s office before and after class almost every time. 

You had a question over the study guide that Johnny had handed out, so naturally you went to office hours to ask before heading to your next class. There was something magical about the voice you heard coming from Yuta’s office. It was so pretty and drew you in. Your feet kept moving towards the door, as if they weren’t controlled by your brain. You reached out for the door handle and turned it. Something compelled you to keep walking into the office, where Professor Nakamoto was sitting in his chair and singing under his breath. 

Yuta was shocked. You weren’t supposed to hear his ‘true’ voice. He quickly cleared his throat and asked you what you needed. You were frozen for a minute, as all of the gears in your brain started to move again, you remembered why you were there. 

“I have a question on the study guide that Johnny made. Do you know where he is?” 

“I don’t know where he is, but I could probably help you since I am the professor.” 

You wanted to laugh at yourself for being such an idiot. “The question asks for the differences between harpies and sirens. Is it for the modern idea of sirens or the original idea of them?” 

Yuta looked at you confused, shouldn’t you be questioning him on the fact that he is a siren (the answer is yes but you are too tired to realize it).  He looked at you for a moment before answering, giving you his perfect, healing smile. “Its for the modern idea of sirens, Y/N. You’re the only student who caught that.” 

“Alright, thank you and see you in class.” You took off towards your next class, mind still piecing everything together. Professor Nakamoto can’t be a siren because they don’t exist, right? Your next class went on for what seemed like hours. 

Yuta was freaking out. He called Johnny, hoping the sentient tree would answer the phone. 

“Hello?” Johnny’s disembodied voice flowed through the phone.

“I, uh, may have done something stupid and exposed myself.” 

“Nakamoto Yuta, What did you do?”

“I may or may not have been singing under my breath and Y/N got captivated with my ‘true’ voice.”

Johnny sighed and Yuta could picture the taller man rolling his eyes.

“You want me to convince them that their mind is playing tricks on them, don’t you?”

Yuta just hummed in response. 

Johnny hung up on him, not before telling him that he should be more careful. 

You were finally dismissed from class. Johnny had texted you and asked if you want to meet up at a café near campus. It was about a 15 minute walk from the building you were at. The only thing in your head was the sound of Yuta’s voice. The voice that mesmerized you, the one that belonged to a forbidden object, and the one you couldn’t have. The more you thought about your professor’s voice, the more it dawned on you that he might be a siren. You walked towards the café, pulling your jacket closer to your body, trying to get as warm as possible while walking into the wind. The fall weather was your favorite, but it still had its downsides. You pushed the door open and took a deep breath, taking in the scent of fresh roasted coffee beans and fresh baked goods. 

Johnny waved you over to the table he was sitting at. Your TA had two cups of coffee in front of him of which he handed you one. You gladly accepted the bean juice and took a sip. The two of you exchanged greetings and talked about random topics. 

“Johnny, how much do you know about Professor Nakamoto?” 

“He’s like my best friend, why?” Johnny was concerned about what you were going to say and it showed.

“I want an honest answer. Is he a siren?” You whispered those sentences. Perhaps you were going crazy with all the credit hours you were taking and the disturbing amount of sleep you were losing due to it. Everything about the professor seemed to match the exact creatures he was teaching about, obviously there were small differences. 

Loud Laughter broke you from your thoughts. “You honestly can’t believe that, Y/N. Sirens don’t exist and he is not one. I think you need to take a break from your course work or take a long nap.” 

“I guess so, but no one should have a voice that pretty.” 

Johnny helped you with a few questions on your study guide before it was time for him to go help Yuta get set up for the Introduction to ancient civilizations class. You decided to head to your dorm and sleep as Johnny suggested. 

The nap was just what you needed. Your roommate woke you up and asked if you had notes from your english class that they could borrow. Your phone’s screen lit up displaying the current time and a message from your best friend, Kun. Kun is the mom friend. He brings you food and takes care of you, so it’s no surprise when he texted you asking where you were and why you weren’t in class today. 

Johnny had met up with Yuta and practically clowned him for letting you catch on. 

“I didn’t know that they was there.” 

“Well, It would take a genius to figure out that students are going to stop in during office hours.”

“If you’re so smart, Johnny, then why aren’t you a professor?” Yuta was becoming dramatic. He picked this habit up from a few of the freshman students. The students called themselves the dream team. 

You weren’t prepared for class on Monday, knowing that you had to take the chapter test. Johnny had warned you that the professor had a project planned but he was picking the partners. You asked him to put in a good word for you, so that you would hopefully get paired with Dong Sicheng, who goes by WinWin and happens to be the professor’s favorite. WinWin was a cutie and very babie so you understood why he was the favorite. A plus to working with WinWin is that he was friends with Kun as well, so study snacks would be made for you both. 

The test was easy, probably because Johnny had explained everything to you when he asked you to get coffee. Yuta had waited for everyone to turn in the test before explaining the project, which was to come up with and market a product as business entrepreneurs (Johnny’s idea after writing an essay at 3 am and drinking red bull).  He started to call each pair.

“Dong Sicheng and Mark Lee.” There goes your chance at a decent grade, Mark was the only other student who wasn’t a freshman and had a great work ethic.  “Y/L/N Y/N and Huang Renjun.” You have heard that Renjun was a responsible boy who loved art from Kun constantly talking about him and Sicheng. Kun also said that Renjun and his three other friends referred to themselves as the dream team and they did everything together. 

The said boy came up to you and introduced himself and gave you his number. When class ended, you marched up to Johnny.

“I thought I asked you to make sure I was partnered with Sicheng.”

“I tried. Professor said no multiple times.” Johnny was trying not to smile at the memory of teasing Yuta. 

“What would he say if I ask him? I really don’t want to work with a member of the self-proclaimed ‘dream team’.” 

“He would most likely say no and to get over it, but you can try. He’s in his office.”

Johnny was sending you to war with a dangerous (read: Soft) enemy. Johnny immediately texted Yuta a heads up after you stormed out of the classroom. Yuta had anticipated someone was going to be upset at the partner choices, he just didn’t think that it was going to be you. 

You furiously rapped on the door to Yuta’s office and waited for him to tell you to enter.

“Y/N, what can I do for you?” The male had asked in a sing- song tone. The cadence of his voice quickly quelled your anger. 

“I wanted to know if I could switch Renjun for either Mark or Sicheng.” You smiled at him, silently praying to whatever gods or goddesses existed that he says yes. 

“I’m sorry, but partner pairings are final unless one partner is doing more work than the other.” 

You exited the office in a slightly better mood than before,  which Johnny noticed when he passed you in the hall. 

“Yuta, was Y/N just here?” 

He nodded.

“They were furious after you assigned partners and then is suddenly in a better mood after talking to you. What happened?”

“We had a great conversation, that’s all.” 

Johnny shot him a look that conveyed his thoughts. Yuta was slightly annoyed that the elder could read him that well. 

“I just charmed them a little. Y/N might be short but They’re kind of scary.”  

“I know, but we’ve had this discussion. What happens when they figure out that you are in fact a siren. Y/n already asked me if you were.”

Yuta knew that Johnny was right. He should probably stop while he was ahead. You were too pretty to die and he really didn’t want to move again. 

You messaged Renjun and asked him to meet you at Kun’s after okaying it with him. Kun was already working on snacks for the three of you. Three hours later and Renjun never showed up, Kun tried calling him but the boy never answered and Kun knew the boy didn’t have class until tomorrow. You already texted Johnny and told him what happened and that Renjun hasn’t shown up. You made sure to ask where the professor was, hoping that this would get you a new partner. Your favorite and only teaching assistant informed you that the was hour left in Yuta’s office hours. The walk from Kun’s dorm to the office to you about thirty minutes compared to the usual hour. The anger boiling in your system at the freshman kept you warm and was what caused you to practically slam the office door open. 

The Japanese man had heard angry footsteps coming down the hall, so he started to sing in order to calm the anger. It worked after a while and you could feel the anger melt away as waves of relief washed over you. The song continued and something about it compelled you to start walking towards your professor. You closed the distance between your lips and Yuta’s. The kisses were filled with passion and need. 

“Get a room!”  

That phrase startled you. Yuta grabbed your waist, not ready to let you leave, and looked at the source of the interruption. Johnny was standing at the door, rolling his eyes. You didn’t even notice the glare that Yuta shot him.

“Get Out, Johnny. Office hours are over.”  (WiNk WoNk)

[szopenhauer]

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? Debbie Downer should be my name lol

What would you love to drink right now? I’m drinking water rn, second mug in a row, my belly is going to explode

Is that an alcoholic drink or not? it’s not this kind of water :P

Oh good. What would you love to eat right now? I’m not hungry...

How many meals do you eat a day? depends

Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? sometimes

What are you favorite type of jeans? I’d say skinny even tho I don’t wear jeans anymore ^^”

Do you eat your nails? wait what swallow? ewww I don’t even bite them :o 

Do you enjoy making or taking surveys? taking them more 

Name something that is blue that you like Sadness from Inside out

Name something pink that you like PYNK music video by Janelle Monae? XD

If you could have one more pet, what? meh

If you could sleep next to a tame wild animal what? woah 

Would you rather have an owl or a snake? both are cool

What would you name it? Bowl for owl and for snake either Ksysio or Wonsz żmieja?

Do you eat the ice in your drink? no

Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? I had one cigarette in my whole life but I still keep a package in my room :x

Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? fb, I don’t care for insta 

Do you watch beauty videos on You Tube? nah

Do you like Star Wars? love

What kind of surveys do you like the most? interesting, not just YES or NO questions, I want to go deeper 

Have you ever dropped something down the garbage disposal on accident? omg luckily not 

What CD would you never buy for yourself? anything Justin Bieber for sure

Is sex a must in your life? absolutely not

Would you rather be cute and ugly or hot and stupid? cute and ugly? lmfao ok 

Are you evil in any way? everyone is, more or less

Would you rather be a clown or a garbage man? can’t decide :D

Would you rather be a rockstar or a librarian? librarian but rock star ain’t that bad of a choice ;)

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? again? I just got this question on ask today and that really made me anxious

Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? sigh... Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? yep but not to my room as I’m super ashamed of it, it’s not what I really want, it’s more like a storage room for mine and my mom’s things, I wish I could move and out and do what I want instead of cleaning this mess just to have it ruined days after, not that I have money now to fix things the way I imagine my bedroom to be someday :( Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? yesterday was better but today I got a T-shirt so that was a good moment Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend? hospital

Could you date someone very attractive, but who thought they were better than everyone else? blergh, r u kidding me?... Do you always feel like you’re making mistakes? constantly Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? not because of me but someone somewhere definitely has that name on them for another reason How would you feel if you got the person you liked? I'm in a relationship Is there anyone who likes you? it seems If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? of course  What’s the first thing you heard this morning? you mean a sound (doorbell) or words (I don’t remember)? If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? not possible Are you young or old? young, at least according to my ID and being childish Are there always other fish in the sea? there are but maybe I don’t want them and/or they don’t want to be catched etc. What can your tongue do? pfft Do chickens have feelings? sorta Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? ...  So how are you feeling today? not good enough Where is your sister right now? don’t know nor care What do you smell like? it’s so hot, I smell like sweat and I can’t stand it but I can’t shower all day long What colour is your mum’s hair? grey  When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? last week Do you like fire? as an element of magic in fantasy movies  Does your mum vacuum early in the morning while you’re asleep? she’s noisy in different ways Does wearing glasses really make people look smart? that’s a lame stereotype Do your band-aids have cartoons on them? they’re useless but one time I bought Moomin ones because I’ve been walking through the store and they fallen right under my feet and there was nobody around nor the shelf/aisle that they could come from so it was weird and I love Moomins so I took them home (I paid) and they’re probably stored somewhere  Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn’t have? what do you mean? Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? my gf apparently - in a cute way - that’s surprising for a teetotalist like me  What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? my tee came! When was the last time you saw your father? he just left for work and I was waving to him through the window which is our tradition  What if your partner went through your cellphone? I have nothing to hide Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? my parents and sister

Robert Downey Jr. — Bet you have a crush on him. he’s handsome but I’d prefer to be him instead of having a crush on sex I’m not attracted to

What would you do if you were to get stuck on a ski lift overnight? ... freeze? and pee myself Have you ever received an anonymous gift? one time when we were really poor that we couldn’t afford food someone left a package under our door, knocked and ran, bless this person whoever knew we have hard times :* What kind of laugh do you have? many kinds that happen randomly Will you have a Valentine next year? I have a bigger chance than any other year before  Macaroon or a cupcake? cupcake Did you kiss or hug anyone today? hug my mom and my dad too Are you currently waiting on someone to do something for you/to you? kinda Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I’m not in an abusive relationship but I know those who are as it’s common and it’s really sad that ppl think only beating makes relationship toxic Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? I’ll stay home  Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much? I remember E.W. once said that we have a lot of elves around because LOTR movie had very ugly ones as we did in high school, I tried to find that pic someone posted back in the day but I failed, it was from the council from what I remember 

Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? mostly I just keep my eye on my father and my mother all the time because of covid (and not only because of it) if that counts Are you plotting anything at the moment? another chapter of the book? Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? because they were evil to them, it wasn’t about ME If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? she moved out :3

Do you have a therapist? no longer Have you ever gotten a good grade in math class? yeah, in middle school I was getting awesome grades in math class What do you think of the last person you texted? we’re dating Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? I’ve never done cocaine wtf

Do you post pictures were you look good but your friends look bad? I ask them first  Are you friends with any of your exes? me and one of my exes are together Are you a whiskey person? I’m a no alcohol person

Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music? tiny bit, wasn’t that bad

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? I have not Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? not in a movie theater Are you somewhat of a perfectionist? somewhat Do you like sour candy? by Lady Gaga  not eat Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? but I don’t drive Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? brrrr no way Are you good at painting nails? am not but it doesn’t matter Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations? doubt it What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? kurwa Do you rip out the page if you make a mistake writing, or cross it out? cross it out, if I ripped the page then there would be nothing left  Do you use a full length mirror daily? we don’t own one Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them? I think they don’t match my style and they’re uncomfy in a long term Mac or PC? PC Will you tell someone if there’s something in their teeth? sorry but probably not Do you ever actually make your bed? when I have guests Do you make an effort to eat healthy? yup The last time you kissed someone, what color of shirt were they wearing? black, that’s easy What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? food If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? money because one regret won’t help me and even might make things worse Are you taller than your mom? almost 10 cm What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving today? my gf - break up  my dad - try to stop him or move out with him You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, problems? no problems  Do you have any ‘naughty’ photos on your phone? 0 Could you handle living with a male roommate? my dad, no one else What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? waking up Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? who said we aren’t texting? Do you think you’ll actually live a happy life with somebody? don’t feed my paranoia Connection between you and the last person who messaged you? love Where is your biological father right now? bus/job already Who else is in the room with you? I’m alone Water with ice or no ice? no ice  Are you wrapped in a blanket? too hot for that

Has anyone done anything nice for you today? I’m thankful for all those nice things people do for me - big or small The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do? took a walk

Do you usually bring or buy a lunch for school? bring

The last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours? their

How old were you when you figured out you were definitely straight, or bi, or whatever? middle school was the beginning 

Do you fit in at work or in school? I was always an outcast

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “Oh God, Ew.”? 99% of time

Have you ever cried at a real wedding? nope

Is there someone you need to forgive? *annoyed sound*

What’s your brother(s) / sister(s) names? personal

Suppose you saw your crush/bf/gf kissing another girl/guy, what would you do? why tho

What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? whatever bridesmaid wanna wear besides white

Do you have a secret crush right now? it’s no secret

Do you know anyone who doesn’t want to have kids? me

Would you rather visit Tokyo or Paris? dunno

Do you think you would like living in New York or Chicago? Why or why not? too overcrowded/loud etc.

Name 3 celebrities who are the same height as you. Lady Gaga, Ellen Page, Reese Witherspoon

Are you happy with your height? I’d like to be taller, not too much tho

Do you have big or small hands? small

Have you been baptized?  I have been 

Have you ever been abused in any way? sadly

Do you like unicorns? they’re fine

Is there one book you have read over and over again because it’s so good? if so, which is it? I don’t reread books

Do you play games on your phone a lot? recently I became obsessed with LOVE ISLAND game 

Have you ever had to put out a kitchen fire? my mom took care of it but it wasn’t a big deal tbh

Have you ever been kidnapped? wut

Do you have anything glow in the dark in your room? stars

Do you wear a scarf, if so, what does it look like? not rn

Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? mhm but not too long

Do you get breadsticks with your pizza? breadsticks and pizza? it’s like bread with bread - no thx

Did you ever have a waterbed? I hate those

What toy from your childhood do you miss? rubber toys?

Did you sleep in late today? yes

When was the last time you were disappointed? this day

Do you like listening to love songs? I like a variety of music which includes love songs

In your group of friends, are you the smart one, athletic one, etc.? funny mom friend... ok, fine, a dad because my puns are daddy jokes

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? no but they said bad things about me behind my back

Did you ever watch the show Full House? with my sister What was the last thing that scared you? how I feel physically Do the librarians at your library know you by name? they do

What ten people would you most likely bring on a roadtrip? 10 ppl?! shoot me...

Is there anything you’re really stressed out about right now? health issues

What was the last thing that made you cry? I’m about to cry...

What are the last three songs you listened to? Crystal Castles - Suffocation  frnkiero andthe cellabration - neverenders  Major Lazer - Be Together (Feat. Wild Belle)

[whyamistillwatchingtheseshows]

Can you write a scene about pete's insecurity coming from his little sis being dead(like leaving him)? and in kam he mentioned that all the persons he loved leaves him And kao didnt know about his sis but when he does he gathers the courage to let their relationship out and comforting pete too? something like this? sorry its a mess..

“Why does it matter so much?” Kao asked. Pete went from soft to fuming in seconds. Like pedal to metal, zero to sixty. Any form of smile was lost on his face, being replaced by a seething anger. Pete took a deep breath. 

“Why doesn’t it matter to you? My father knows. Why can’t we tell your mother? Wouldn’t that make things easier? It’d especially make things easier with Non. He’d back off if you’d just tell him that we’re together. He keeps pursuing because he thinks that we’re just friends.” Yeah, that last bit out of your mouth, Pete, it’s not true. The little shit knows what’s going on, and he’s going to pressure Kao into leaving you. 

“I don't think Non really likes me that way.” 

“Are you that fucking deluded, Kao?” Pete’s voice was raising. “Are you that fucking innocent? I don't think so. So get your head out of your ass and face this!” Kao looked affronted. Pete reached for a hand and squeezed it. “Kao, I couldn’t stand it if you left me. My sister…” Kao heard sparse mentions of his sister. How she left with his mother, leaving Pete behind with his father. Pete grew accustomed to living with his Dad so he didn’t think much about wanting to see his mother or his sister. This was probably due to the resentment he had towards mostly his mother- the resentment he felt from feeling abandoned by her. “My sister…” Pete gulps. “She didn’t just leave. She died. Then my mom left because her and Dad were having issues between each other from coping with losing a child. I haven’t seen my mother in ten years?” Pete wasn’t even sure himself. “My father stepped up, took care of me because he remembered that there was still another child in the family. This grief doesn’t excuse my stupid jealous reactions,” Pete started an apology, “but I can’t be without you. I’ve already lost too much. Making you and your Mom a part of my family is everything I want. This is why I don't like Non. What if he convinces you away from me? What if suddenly you do wake up one day and choose the brat?” 

Kao put Pete’s hands on his waist and he gripped those defined shoulders in his. “Thank you for telling me this. Thank you for talking. Perhaps, Non is flirting with me. I’m just afraid he’ll use our relationship to blackmail us or people we know just like Mint when she sent that picture of us to your father. Even your Dad thinks that we should keep this a secret.” 

“I never fucking cared when he said that. I was ecstatic when he agreed to us dating. He had no objections and I loved him for that. He can fly to the moon if he really thinks we’ll keep this a secret forever, because no matter what happens I want to be with you, Kao.” Pete yanked him closer, their noses now touching. Kao’s fingertips dig into his bare shoulders. 

“Tomorrow morning we can tell my mother.” Kao firmly states then lets out a sigh. 

“You mean it?” Pete tried to hold back the levee. It didn’t work. His eyes watered and soon enough he felt like a fucking clown with a tear stained face. Kao wiped the tears away. He pulled Pete into a hug by the nape of his neck. Pete’s lips smashed into a bare shoulder and Kao felt a few tears wet him. Pete sniffled and wiped at his nose. Kao grabs him by the face. 

“My choice is always you.” Kao told him. “So tomorrow morning, we’ll go tell my mother.” 

“Why not now?” Pete tugged a hand towards the door. Kao tugs back. 

“I have other things on my mind,” Kao bit his lip. 

“Oh? I see.” Pete pushed Kao onto the bed. It always started like this. Pete pouncing and then suddenly Kao was on top. When Pete rolled them, Kao laced fingers together, pressing Pete’s hands into the bed. He leaned down, but Pete squirms a hand from his grasp to place a finger to his lips. 

“You mean it? Tomorrow morning, you’ll tell your mom we are boyfriends?” His finger falls from Kao’s lip, ever so slightly flicking over that plush (yeah, that’s a good word) bottom lip. 

“Yes, Pete. I’ll tell her. Just let me kiss all night first. The morning will be here before we know it.” Pete chuckled as those plump lips- (yeah, plump is a good word too) chased his into a kiss.

[Aw, screw it. Let’s write the morning after too] 

“Mom,” Kao said as he led her to the couch in the living room. “Pete and I have something to tell you.” 

“Finally!” She exclaimed. “I was getting really tired of prodding you with the word girlfriend. How many times would I have to ask before you told me to shut up, Mom, I have a boyfriend? Apparently, a lot. Finally.” she cupped Kao’s face. “You don't think I notice how the two of you are when we eat at the table. Or how Pete spends a lot of time here? Not going to tell you about the noises I heard walking passed the bedroom last night..we’ll leave that alone.” Pete tries to contain laughter, but fails. Kao’s mother turns her attention to him. “You!” Pete stops laughing. 

“Yes, mom?” 

“You’re lucky you know that?” 

“Oh, I know how lucky I am. Your son is beautiful inside and out.” Kao felt his face turn red and his ears light on fire.  

“Glad you understand that. Be aware that I have my eye on you Pete, but I can see how much the two of you care about each other. It’s all that should matter. Those feelings for each other, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.” Pete gave Kao a pointed look. Kao figured his mind went straight to Non and how that’s the next hurdle they’d have to jump. 

“I��m going to work. ” Kao’s mom announced. Kao kissed her on the cheek and led her to the door. Pete confidently latched his arms around Kao from behind as they waved goodbye. Kao shuts the door, turns around and leans against it. Pete eyes him up and down. 

“Oh, take back that thought! We have to leave soon too.” 

“What’s time but a fabricated concept?” Pete’s intelligent response made Kao cackle. 

“This is why you’re a terrible student.” 

“Punish me,” Pete challenged him. Kao cocked his head. What a new arrangement? Pete giving him control? Kao could get used to this. He was talking to long, though, so Pete feverishly kisses him. Why’d it feel so brand new? So freeing. There was no going back. There was no one else that Kao wanted to kiss like this. Kao finally understood why Pete disliked hiding the relationship so much. This-this was much better, because once they tore themselves a part they got ready for classes. Hand in hand they met their friends at the Engineer’s canteen. 

June as usual was the first to speak, “I knew it!” He pointed at them. “It’s about damn time.” Pete proudly smiled and kissed Kao’s hand. Kao pursed his lips, not sure how he felt about the rush of pleasure that surged through him. Shit, it’d be hard to contain that from now on. How is that he wanted Pete now more than ever before? Kao sat down as Pete went to get them some food. Kao laid a head to his shoulder as he watched Pete prep the plates.

“Really?” June piped up. “It’s like that meme,” June prepares a dramatic scene. “Right here? In front of my salad!” Pete picked up an empty bottle on the table and threw it at him. “Oi! I mean it in a joking way. Carry on.” Kao’s head hadn’t moved from Pete’s shoulder and under the table a hand started moving up and down his thigh. 

“Babe.” Pete mutters with surprise. Kao leans up and whispers in his ear, “This morning wasn’t enough.” 

“What’d he say?” June mimicked eating popcorn with fascination. He ducked when another bottle was thrown. “Really what’d he say?” 

“None of your business,” Pete snapped. “There’s one more bottle. Do I have to throw it?”

“No,” Sandee interjected. “That one is not empty.” She took it from the table. “All right so Pete and Kao are dating. Big whoop! The most important thing here is, do we each have our part of the project done?” 

“Meh, studying.” Pete’s eyes rolled to the back of his head. A hand still rubbed his thigh. “Well, this’ll look obvious.” He stood and grabbed Kao by the hand. 

“Where you two going?” June asked after them. Sandee smacked him upside the head. 

“June, think about it.” 

“Oh!” He exclaimed. “Do you think they’ll have the project done too?” 

“Ha!” Sandee’s laugh echoes in the canteen. 

[mysamcedesmadness]

So, What Are We Doing This Summer?

It was called to my attention that Henry's age was confirmed as 17 in either the Frittle episode or his birthday episode (I've not repeatedly watched those, so I didn't remember), which would either put them in their senior year or put Henry as a graduating 18 year old next year, which does happen, so I'll go with that.

Also, for some reason, all of the italics and bolds and such disappear whenever I paste to Tumblr. I honestly don’t feel like redoing tonight, but the ffnet post has them, for various emphasis on words and stuff, if that’s a better read for you.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13274210/7/So

So, What Are We Doing This Summer?

There was no Sweet Sixteen thing that she wanted to do. To be fair, her parents wanted to throw her something and invite her friends over, but she just wanted a nice dinner, some cake, maybe a museum trip and to look over college packets. Last birthday, she went to a show that she wanted to see with her friends, but it was such a hectic night that she almost didn't get to see it.

That's how plans with the friends tended to go. Unexpected and hectic. So, Sweet Sixteen, she was doing things with her parents! And that was all that there was to it!

"But, what about the time WE want to spend with you?" Jasper asked.

She furrowed her eyebrows and handed him a pamphlet. "Here. Underline cons in red, highlight pros in pink."

"What is this?"

"College brochures."

"Why are you looking at college brochures, we still have more than a year of high school left?"

She laughed, "And I very well can't figure out what schools to apply to after graduation. Senior year student council has so much to do for all of those senior ceremonies, I want to make sure I've given myself time to think about where I'm going."

"Why not Swellview University?" He wondered.

"It's on my list, but not my top choice. I want an HBCU or an Ivy League school."

"I'm gonna go right there to Swellview U. It's a good school!"

"I'm sure it's great. It's just not exactly what I want," she said and they heard the sound of Captain Man and Kid Danger coming down the tubes.

She smiled at them as they approached, resuming some kind of debate. "Dude, there's no way that a giant pancake could best a giant waffle. The waffle has ridges!" Henry fussed, then kissed her on the cheek.

"What are you two even TALKING about?"

"Animated and animatronic breakfast foods," Ray said, popping gum into his mouth. "Henry thinks that sausage would be more of a romantic than bacon and that a giant waffle could defeat a giant pancake in a fight to the death, covered in butter and syrup!"

"HOW do these subjects get started?" Charlotte wondered as they changed back.

"What about a crepe?" Jasper wondered.

Henry and Ray both laughed and repeated, "Crepe?"

"Oh yeah, a giant CREPE can fight!" Ray taunted.

Henry added, "Guess it's gonna just roll up to the scene, since he's gonna lose his innards if he steps up." The duo fell on each other laughing. Jasper sighed and shook his head.

"I'm not sure why you entered their weird little world."

"Third Wheel Syndrome has me sensitive, I think."

Henry took a seat next to Charlotte and asked Jasper, "What do you mean?"

"Since the two of you got together, I'm feeling left out," Jasper admitted.

"How? I just spent four hours stuck in a vat of scrambled eggs and country gravy. You and Char have been here going through…" he picked one up from in front of Charlotte and she sucked her teeth. "College brochures." He set it down, "Jasp you're leaving for college too?"

"No. I'm marking pros and cons for Charlotte. I'm going to Swellview University. We talked about this."

"I know! I was gonna be super upset if you were gonna run off on me. Bad enough she will be." He pointed a thumb to Charlotte.

"What happens when that happens?" Jasper wondered.

"It's at least a year in the future. We haven't even discussed what we're doing this summer," Charlotte said. The three were quiet for a moment. Ray and Schwoz were talking among themselves a few feet away.

Henry broke the collective silence between their trio by asking, "So, what are we going to do this summer"

"There's my birthday.." Jasper said then squinched his face and shook his head, "You weren't talking to me, were you?"

"I was talking to you both. Anybody have plans already?"

"I never have plans," Jasper said, almost certain that Henry was definitely only talking to Charlotte.

She said, "Same old same old for me. Summer Youth Program in June. Beginning of July trip with my parents. The only thing different this year is I'm going to add three or four campus tours of whichever colleges have the least cons and most pros."

"Need company?" Henry wondered. She furrowed her eyebrows and actually looked up at him. "Just to you know, make sure that you enjoy yourself despite the work."

"I love college tours. I'll enjoy myself," she said.

Henry pouted, "Fine." She looked questioningly at the sky about his salty tone, but left it alone. Henry sighed, "Jasper, do you think you'll want to spend any time with me this summer?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Jasper cheered. Charlotte rolled her eyes. She hadn't said that she wasn't going to spend any time with him.

In fact, her visits would be four weekends from the entire summer. Her Youth Program was on Thursdays. Her trip was two weeks. Aside from that, she was pretty sure she'd see both of these clowns every other summer moment. She'd tuned out the boys making plans without her whenever she heard Jasper declare, "It's gonna be super hard for us to do these things whenever you and Charlotte are married and stuff."

Henry shook his head and Charlotte chimed in, "Whenever what?"

Jasper reminded her, "Remember that whole hashtag Henlotte thing?"

"That was a joke, Bro," Henry said, laughing a little uncomfortably. "Nobody actually thought that I was proposing or that we were gonna be kissing. That's why it was so hilarious."

"Yeah, but you are kissing. You kiss a lot. You're together. Charlotte's thinking about her upcoming colleges before junior year end. Do we really believe she's not thinking beyond that?" Henry's head turned sharply and quickly to Charlotte.

She scoffed and said, "Don't look so panicked. As it turns out, I've been focused enough on my educational future that I haven't been circling anything in bridal books on the off chance that my boyfriend ever wants to me to participate in the antiquated institution of marriage."

Henry sighed, relieved, "Oh thank God. Wait. So… You never wanna get married, at all? To anybody?"

"Honestly, it's never crossed my mind. I've had one stupid boyfriend and I'm only 16. Why I would daydream about becoming someone's less respected partner is beyond me."

"Less respected?" Jasper repeated.

But Henry was stuck on "Stupid boyfriend?"

Charlotte snatched her brochures from Jasper and explained, "Married women are taken less seriously than their married male counterparts in the corporate world. Whether I go into STEM, academia, politics, business, or even if my degree proves useless and I wind up regretting decisions in retail - women are already valued less and when you add a wedding ring, they're expected to be full time workers and full time homemakers while Daddy retreats into his little solo space to unwind after his hard day's work. And don't let her become a mom! She doesn't get the necessary time off to be the kind of mother that everyone expects. Simultaneously, whatever kind of mother she is, the workplace thinks is too much." She was stuffing her bag and then looked at Henry, "And for the record, just because I haven't thought about it doesn't mean that I need your graphic depictions of relief about it!" She snatched her bag and headed for the elevator.

Jasper called out, "Okay, but that explanation of the workplace tells that you've definitely thought about it."

She glared at him and snapped, "That information is common knowledge to women!"

As the elevator door shut, Henry looked confused. "So.. Am I supposed to be thinking about marriage, or not?"

"I think that you shouldn't be, because Charlotte doesn't have marriage plans, but maybe if it crosses your mind, try to not seem repulsed by Charlotte being your wife? Her execution of the subject was all over the place."

"The place of lies," Ray said. "Women wanna get married. It's their reward for being good girlfriends!"

"That's a gross oversimplification of like everything involved in what you said," Henry commented. "Honestly, now that I think about it, Charlotte has literally never mentioned anything about weddings or marriage or anything like it. Not even so much as a "I'll play this song someday at my wedding."

Ray commented, taking a seat by Henry, "That's probably because she's been resigned to the fact that nobody's ever gonna marry her. I mean, she's the worst, amirite?"

"You're not," Jasper said, at the same time Henry said, "No."

"So, either of you can picture having Charlotte there, every single day, nagging you, telling you what to do, why this is unsafe or that's unwise?"

"That sounds like every day of my life since 5th grade," Jasper said.

"Yeah! Char is the smart one. We all know that. We need someone like that everyday!"

Ray muttered, "Still the worst."

"What is your problem with Charlotte?" Henry asked, exasperated."I mean, what if this does go different for us than my other relationships and it winds up being something real and lasting. Do I always have to worry that you're gonna be a butt to her?"

Ray laughed, "Yeah. I've known this was coming for a long time. I'm not treating her any differently no matter what status you have. Because as far as I'm concerned you've always been endgame… Also, she's the worst."

"Because she forces you to have to be better?" Jasper wondered.

Ray groaned and mumbled, "For your information, yes."

.

Charlotte came home and her uncle was on the couch, watching TV. What else was new? "Hey, Uncle Roscoe.

"Hey, Niece! You wanna watch the Kids Danger cartoon with me?"

"No. I've gotta look over college info so Mom and Dad will be able to plan my visits in between their orchestras and excavations. Speaking of, are they out tonight?"

"The Swellview Opera House. Your mom says there's a casserole just for you in the oven. Don't worry, I don't want whatever that is. I'm ordering a pizza." She nodded, disappointed that she wouldn't be able to discuss her college choices with them tonight. "You wanna watch one of your wedding dress shows?" Uncle Roscoe wondered.

"No."

"Not even Say Yasss, This is Your Drass?" He turned off the TV and wondered, "What's wrong, Tiny?"

"Sometimes, I feel like an outsider. Even in my own home and even with my only friends. Like, we're all sharing this one life, but nobody's on the journey with me and those that are on the journey, we're not on the same page."

"You know, I was an outsider like that too. Shoot, still to this day, as a starving artist."

"How can you be starving when you live here and eat everything we have?"

“I ain’t eat that grass casserole your mom made you.”

“I’m sure you mean bean sprouts,” she said, “And that’s not the whole casserole…” The doorbell rang and she looked at him. He reached for the remote control and she gave him a look. “I’ll get it.” She went to the door and by the time she peeked out of the peephole to see Henry nervously bouncing, Uncle Roscoe was laughing at something on the television. She called, “I’m gonna step outside and talk to my friend, Unc.”

“Girl, I’m watching my shows,” he said. Basically, he didn’t care.

She opened the door and stepped outside. Henry laughed, “Your friend? Something you need to tell me?” He joked, awkwardly. “What do you need, Henry?” She asked, sounding irritated.

“I need to explain what happened earlier.”

“Okay.”

“So… Jasper was talking about marriage and we’ve never spoken about that, because neither of us are thinking that far ahead into us. But, whenever I seemed relieved, it wasn’t because I think I’d never wanna marry you or something. I just thought that we were both in the same space - a space where that’s not even a conversation yet. So, I’m sorry if I sounded insulting to you.”

She shrugged her shoulders, “We rushed really fast into the entire boyfriend-girlfriend thing. There’s no need for us to rush anything into anything else. So, it’s fine.”

“But, you seemed upset.”

“Yeah. For the reason that I told you, but it’s not a big deal. Honestly, I have other things to be upset about. Maybe it just landed on you. So, I’m sorry.”

"You wanna talk about your things?" He asked.

She sighed and leaned against the front door. "You know how my parents and I go on a trip every summer together?"

"Yeah?"

"This year is the last one. Next year, they're sending me on a solo trip after graduation to see the world myself before college."

"That sounds awesome."

"But, I hardly see them now and I just want them to go over the pros and cons of these colleges with me. I know that sounds silly to other people, but it's a huge decision to make and I wish sometimes that they'd be more involved instead of just trusting my judgement. They raised me to be independent and they don't realize that sometimes, I could use just a little dependency, you know?"  

Henry nodded, "Yeah, I get that. I haven't been able to depend on my parents in quite a while. But… I've always been able to depend on my friends. So, if you just need someone to lean on, I literally have nothing better to do than here for you." Henry offered her a hug and she smiled a small smile and accepted it. When she was hugging him, he said, "And it'd be excellent, I think… some time in the far future… you know?" She looked up at him. "IF we were thinking about that."

She nodded, "If I was gonna sell myself out in that way, it'd be with my best friend." He laughed. "I meant everything that I said about marriage! The only way that I'd be on board is if it was handled like a business arrangement with someone I trust."

"You trust like two people," he chuckled.

"Yep. And they'd both be IN the marriage."

"Me and???"

She stared at him and suggested, "Think it through."

"OH, YOU!"

"I already regret this unofficial contract."

"Fortunately, we've got a long time to even think about that. We haven't even discussed..  the physical evolution of our relationship." Her eyes widened and she wondered if he was talking about what she thought he was. He noticed and quickly changed the subject, "Or what you and me are doing this summer!"

She relaxed and nodded, "Aside from the few weeks, four weekends and Thursdays, I'm all yours…"  He raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm open! I mean my time is free! I have a casserole to check on. I gotta get inside!" She rushed back in, shut the door and Henry shook his head and left. "Why would bring that up, Henry? She was already having a day. I mean, sure.. you wanna discuss it. But, you haven't been together that long and it was a FLUKE that you even got her. This happened kinda haphazardly. You're gonna screw it up if you keep being weird!"

Charlotte leaned against the door, breathing hard. Are… we THERE yet??? She glanced out of the window and saw Henry look back at the house before walking away with his head down. A few minutes later, she got a text: Hey. Sorry if I scared you bringing up THAT. I won't mention it again. I don't want stuff weird between us. Call me when you don't feel awkward.

She sighed with relief and replied instantly: Thanks, Hen. You're a great friend and honestly the best boyfriend.

Henry: Not stupid boyfriend?

Charlotte: Not at all. ILU

Henry: SAME.

[deadlifts-and-derrida]

Well, it's been a while since I posted any long form writing here. So how about I do that now? Let's get UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE.

To tell the story of my first boyfriend, I need to tell the story of coming out to my mother.

I came out to my mother the week before I left to begin university. It didn't go as I hoped it would. I chose mom instead of dad because I thought mom would be easier. Girls and women seemed safer than boys and men. To teenaged me, active homophobia seemed mostly a masculine trait.

I'll stop there. I don't want to set mom up like she had the worst reaction. She didn't get mad. Mad, I could have handled. I was a bold, righteous, outspoken teen; I was equipped to deal with anger. Mom wasn't mad - mom was sad. As if a precious object had dropped to the floor and was now damaged - even if it could be repaired, the crack would always be there.

I couldn't handle sad. It was like I told her I had an inoperable cancer. That's a homophobic attitude just as much as throwing your kid out is, but it's… subtler. How do you respond to it? If you get angry she'll just get sadder. Her sadness hurts you to witness. You wish you hadn't spoken up, because you love your mother and you don't want to make her sad. You regret ever opening your mouth. By you I mean I.

I left for university a week later having had no follow-up discussion, having stuffed myself back into the closet, more or less. When I got to university I would be free to be as gay as I wanted, and I intended to be very. Very. Very. Gay.

Why do I need to tell this story before I get to Matthew? (His name was Matthew). Well. I guess I'm trying to explain why I was the way I was, and I'm hanging the blame on Mom. It's not really fair. Her reaction was bad, and it hurt me, it didn't give me the support I needed at a critical moment. But all of it - her reaction, the fact that I needed the support in the first place - is because of our damned stupid homophobic society, right? Mom and me, we're both just products of the hate machine that spat us out, right? Right?

I love my mother. I forgive her. She danced joyfully at my wedding. It's all fine. Everything is fine. The precious thing got repaired so well you can only really see the crack if you know where to look.

So Matthew.

I spent all of highschool wanting a boyfriend and sex. Unrequited crushes on unattainable men. But the fear. That was real, too. Not just fear that if you got caught checking out the wrong guy he'd gaybash you - although that was a real, potent fear. But also the fear that if you got caught checking out the right guy, then you'd have to go through with it.

Isn't that crazy? Being afraid to go through with the thing you want to go through with! But it's true. Actually attainable men? No. There was one other gay guy in my high school class, and we shared a friend group, although the two of us never really clicked. I was too weird and he was, for want of a better word, too basic. I was also very unfortunate-looking in high school. But in addition to all of this - there was the sense that I couldn't be attracted to him because if I was then something would have to happen and I wasn't ready for that.

But I wanted to be ready for it!

So Matthew, again.

When I got to university, free from my mother's terrible sadness, free from my high school self, I wanted to shed my skin like a snake and slither my way into a new me. Now that I was out and lived in a city (a small city, but the biggest one we had), I really femmed up. Glitter. Tight clothes. Limp wrists. Hair dye. Even eyeliner, sometimes. I wanted the world to know. In part because I was signalling to whoever around me who had the correct receptors: I'm here, I'm queer, for the love of god please do something about it.

Matthew picked up on that signal. He was a (female) friend's best friend. He was in his last year of high school in a town about 90 minutes away, but he made trips in on some weekends to see his best friend. One of those weekends, only a couple of weeks into my very first semester, he and I fell into each other's gravity. Nowadays, I know the sensation well. I'm sure most people will, too. You feel this tug between you and someone else. You draw closer. You look at each other. Closer. A few touches, at first passing it off as innocent. Then more touches. Closer.

We were so close our lips were brushing each other's as we spoke quietly. I don't remember how long the lip brushing lasted before it became kissing, but despite everything, despite the utter hell Matthew would eventually unleash on my life, I still think this is probably one of the best first-ever kisses on record.

(It wasn't his first-ever kiss. He already had an ex-boyfriend. I was his second. But it was my first-ever kiss).

Matthew wasn't my type. He had a shrill, harsh laugh. He had a giant mop of curly hair that he liked to dye. It was kind of like a clown's wig. I was still unfortunate-looking myself, please understand. He wasn't active, didn't exercise - which is fine, except all of my sexual fantasies focused on very muscular, large men. "Being young, gay, and mean isn't a personality," as the line goes. Matthew had a bit of that. But he was smart and funny, too. I shouldn't pretend he wasn't.

But I was so ready. Over-ready. I needed someone to fuck me, already, and I figured I would be lucky if anyone, anyone at all, would ever be willing to do it. So. It was Matthew because he was the first one who stepped up to the plate. Although attempts at sex were always awkward and we never really quite figured that out.

He became my boyfriend. It lasted for about four months. Because he lived 90 minutes away and was still in high school, I only saw him on weekends, but not every weekend. Maybe one weekend a month. This was 2001. Smartphones weren't a thing. Texting wasn't even really a thing. I wouldn't even own a cellphone until 2005. We messaged each other on ICQ and spoke on our landlines.

He broke up with me in January.

Did I love him? I don't know. I think I did. Or I loved the idea of him. I loved the icon I had built in his shape, a representative of all the things I wanted to achieve by Having A Boyfriend. I wanted it to affirm my sexuality. I wanted it to mean I wasn't unlovable. I wanted it to refute my mother's sadness.

It felt like a failure that I couldn't keep him. When he got a new boyfriend before I did, that felt like a failure too, like it had been a race to see who could land a new man first. Why was I thinking this way? Looking back, it's awful. I instrumentalized him, made him a symbol, and made relationships and sexual experimentation into some kind of… clout game. It wasn't about having fun and enjoying myself - it was about proving something, something to myself, something to my family, something to the world. Sex? A boyfriend? Things to acquire.

But maybe I did love him. I cried a lot, and it wasn't just over the insult to my ego and the setback to my plans. I remember distinctly walking through the underground tunnels that joined buildings on campus, thinking to myself - well, we're still friends, maybe we'll get back together in a few years. It was a story I told myself to comfort myself. It wasn't a forever breakup - he'd come back to me in a few years if I was just patient and kind, if I just waited.

When he got a new boyfriend, I needed to get one too. I found a guy on the gay.com chatroom, which is the closest thing we had to apps back then. He… had problems. Valentines was a couple of days after our first date and he got me an ostentatious bouquet of roses, an over-the-top gift that made me more uncomfortable than charmed. He already showered me with the l-word.  I remember waking up in his bed, the one night I spent at his place, him slipping his dick into me. It's this hazy nocturnal memory and I'm not even sure if it's real or false. If it's real, it was my first time successfully bottoming. If it was real, he didn't use a condom.

A few days later he told me that if I ever left him he'd kill himself. I didn't know what to do. I just turned very cold, hoping he'd break up with me. It worked. He dumped me after another few days. The whole thing didn't last more than two weeks.

Matthew was still with his new boyfriend and they seemed very happy together.

So. It's clear I reacted badly.

Around the time we broke up, I moved into a basement apartment with his best friend (remember, she was also a friend of mine) and a third party who was also a good friend. Our apartment was a bit of a party house. Matthew would come into the city on weekends, and he'd stay at our apartment - because his best friend lived there, and I lived there too, and even though we had broken up we were still friends, right?

I don't know what I did to deserve what he did to me. I don't think I was ever malicious to him. If I was ever cruel, it was a clueless and unintentional kind of cruelty.

He was staying with us. I was out of the house. He went into my bedroom and went on my computer. He snooped around and found folders of niche porn that I enjoyed. Should I say what sort it was? Is it pertinent to the story? It wasn't all that weird. It was basically bodybuilders. Muscle men. Some of them photoshopped to be bigger than would otherwise be possible (some much bigger). Some of them with exaggerated genitalia (some of them very exaggerated). I also had an interest in fat guys and I know there were some pictures of that nature in there too (some of them very fat).

But he was 17 and mean and judgemental. He showed my friends my secret porn in a deliberate attempt to humiliate me. He shared it around. He let everyone know, in a cruel, mocking way, about sexual interests I didn't yet feel strong enough to share with the world. Sexual interests I still felt a lot of shame about.

I only learned about this because my other friend who shared that apartment took me aside and told me what he had done. She did this because she thought it was wrong of him.

Despite this show of support from a friend who had the good sense not to follow the current of cruel mockery, I was beyond mortified. The shame was galling.

My new gay life ended there. My clothes became drab, baggier. My manner less femme. I stopped transmitting "I'm gay!" to the world. I stopped trying to fit in with the gay crowd Matthew had introduced me to. They all had a name for me now, anyway. Psychael. Like, psychotic Michael. How could I fight a battle when the first strike was nuclear? I quit. It seemed like the only move available to me.

It was 5 years before I'd kiss another man. I fled back into the embrace of my family. My coming out was never mentioned. I basically went back into the closet. At least the people in there loved… some version of me that I could maintain without that much effort. Just… close the door on the seven months when I had been an out gay man and pretend the whole thing didn't happen. Easy.

I don't hate him.

We were both very young.

We were both inexperienced.

I would hate for someone who only knew me as an 18 year old to think of me now, in my mid thirties, as if I was the same person. So I don't think of him as he was when he was 17. He's 34 now. He's probably a much better person.

Maybe he feels sorry.

Maybe he doesn't.

I wish I could have those years back. The long years I spent frightened to be myself.

I wish I had been strong enough to look him in the face and say "so what?" I wish I had been strong enough to own my sexual interests, none of which are immoral or wrong or even all that strange.

But I was weak. I was weak and alone. And wishing doesn't get you anywhere.

I don't know if there's much point to this story.

[licenselesswriter]

The One Who Stayed CH14

He would call himself a liar if he didn't admit that the first week with Maya in London wasn't like a normal one. He takes his daughter to school; she greets Mia and Jayden and walks inside as nothing happened. He greets Mark and they both go for coffee, only for him to run 10 minutes later for being late for work. He would arrive 10 minutes earlier than his shift and rest for a second in his office, until he heard his phone ring, telling him that his 9:30 A.M. patient has arrived. he would attend at least 9 pets before taking his jacket and run back to Lily's school to pick her up. she would run to him and, depending on her mood, she would grab his hand or climb him like she was a tiny koala, he would drive them back home, probably take Jayden with him, if his mother or sister approves of course, and Mia will join them after lunch.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy, he naively says.

3 weeks were enough to make him change his opinion. At the moment he arrived back at his house, after dropping Lily at Riley's new apartment, the loneliness attacks him.

He uses his time to clean his house, room by room and manages to clean them to perfection. He went to go shopping and cook his meals for the next 5 days, clean his kitchen and then sits on the sofa with a cup of tea. In 6 minutes, the tea is gone, he looked at his watch and desperation reign.

He grabs his jacket and drives to her mother's place. When he arrived, she hugs him and makes him feel the comfort only a mother can provide.

Due to the low temperature, Mary fastly serves 2 cups of tea and sits in front of her son.

- So? - she asks him.

- So what? - he asks back.

- Why are you here? - she asks him this time.

Lucas just looks at his mother - Wow, a hard crowd - he says and then takes a sip of his tea - Why you assume I'm here because I need something? - he asks.

- Because of the facts dear - she replies and caresses her son's face - Trust me, I'm more than happy to have you here, and I'm proud for not having you here completely drunk - she adds and takes one of the cookies she puts on the table.

Lucas just takes a minute before letting a chuckle escape his mouth - I'm a horrible son - he says, making his mother laugh.

- No, you're not, you're just a busy one - she defends him from himself.

- You give me too much credit - he says avoiding her look - Honestly, I'm here to ask for something, so you're not wrong - he confesses.

- It's about Lily? - she asks.

- No - he replies, but before he could say anything, his mother cuts him.

- Then it's about Maya - she points, surprising him.

- You know what, I'm not even gonna asks - he replies, making his mother laugh again.

Mary takes another sip of her tea - You're feeling stupid for letting her go to the museum thing with "the Uncle"? - she asks.

- I'm feeling stupid right now, but not for that - he answers - I need to deal with loneliness - he points out and take the rest of his tea.

- Hard question - Mary replies, looking at a picture of his family - Remember what happened when your father was transferred to Seattle? - she asks him.

- How could I forget? I had to double my training to lose all the weight I gained during that year - he replies with a laugh - It was insanely delicious but really hard, Maya and Farkle were the ones who most enjoyed that time - he adds, making his mother grabbed his hand.

- Well, that was my way to deal with loneliness - she says - Some people craft, some people knit, in my case, cooking was my answer, now you only need something you like to do, no matter the time - she adds.

Lucas just looks at his mother like she just discovered electricity - Well, it took me 2 years notice that my ex-wife was cheating on me, so, I'm gonna need a few hours to figure this out - he jokes.

- You should shop online - Mary suggests her son - Also, you need therapy, you shouldn't joke about what happened - she adds, taking another cookie from the plate.

A few hours after visiting his mother, Lucas felt his smile grow at the sight of that particular park, it still has the old graffiti certain blonde artist made in her youth. He was still able to remember all the nights he escapes to that park, and how the solitude helps him think.

Now, it only serves him as a reminder about how quiet his life is.

He also remembers that wasn't like that all the time.

He remembers his friend's laughs with him while they explore the city, or how he was amused by the size of the rats in the subway.

His brain even let him remember Riley's laugh and how Maya was clowning with her.

He was able to remember everything, Farkle and his Alter Ego Donnie Barnes, the evolution of Smackle, Zay's first ballet recital here, Maya sneaking into his room to study chemistry and spending every Friday night with Riley at the movies.

But he wasn't able to remember himself, and that makes him nervous.

Thankfully for him, his identity crisis was interrupted by an unknown number with a +44 area code.

- This is Lucas Friar - he answers the call.

- Guess who has a new phone - he heard, and his smile was back in seconds.

- Congrats on a new phone - Lucas replies and gets up from the bench he was sitting on - How's London this week? - he asks.

- Pretty much the same as last week - she answers - But God knows I miss certain pecan pie -she adds.

- Don't worry, you have one of the best Father-Daughter tag teams taking care of those pies - he replies, making her laugh.

After a few seconds of silence, she was able to notice something his mother was able to notice - Are you ok? - she asks him, testing the waters.

- Well, I still have 2 arms and 2 legs, so I can't complain - he answers avoiding giving an honest reply.

- Ok - Maya says with a tone Lucas wasn't able to identify - I'm gonna play it as I believe it - she adds - But you know at some moment you're gonna have to tell me, right? - she says.

Lucas just stays silent for a few more seconds - I miss you - he finally says.

- I know - she replies - I miss you too - she adds - But don't feel too flattered, I miss Lily more - she says in a joke.

- Of course, I know that - he follows her joke - I'm just the hot bonus that came with her - he jokes this time.

- I refuse to answer to that - Maya says refusing to believe the feelings he was making her feel - Speaking of, where is Lily? - she asks.

- Well - he looks at his watch, noticing how late was - I'm hoping she's sleeping by now - he adds before deciding to walk back to his place.

- I have her for weeks in my place, she's in bed - Maya says, remembering how Lily was in bed at 8 because she always was in bed at that time with Lucas reading her a story.

- If we weren't on bad terms with Riley, I totally would go and check on her - he says walking away from the park - Did you know she gets an apartment a few blocks from my house? It's actually nice because in that way I don't have to drive all the way to Cory and Topanga - he comments.

- Interesting that you bring that up - Maya says in a playful tone - Are you trying to make me jealous Mr. Friar? - she asks him.

- Does it show? - he asks back before let a soft laugh escape his mouth - It's your fault actually, I don't like that blonde guy who's with you on all your Instagram pictures - he tries to justify himself.

- You know he's gay, right? - she asks.

Lucas just takes a moment before giving an answer - I would like to retire my statement - he says.

Maya just giggles - Gosh, you're cute - she says.

They both spend a few seconds completely silent.

Lucas was the first to broke it - I've... I've been thinking too much - he finally confesses.

- About? - she asks him, a bit scared of his answer.

- Us - Lucas answers drily.

- Oh - she softly says - Care to share your thoughts? - she asks him, feeling how her heart rate starts to rise.

- Maybe when you come back - Lucas replies - I've been thinking a lot, and it's not something we can chat on the phone - he adds.

Maya felt something sink in her stomach - Should I worry? - she asks.

- Don't know how to answer to that - Lucas replies.

- Oh - she softly says.

They stay silent for a few seconds again.

- Call you next week? - Maya asks him.

- I'll be waiting for it - Lucas answers.

- Bye - she softly says.

Lucas wasn't able to reply to that, she finished the call before he had the chance.

Days went by, and through the weeks he was able to perceive a certain coldness every time they talk on the phone, and that only makes his regret heavier.

What kind of relationship starts hiding the fact that you just divorced?

The answer was easy.

The worst kind.

And of course, it's not only that, it's not like he forgets to tell her.

I plan on telling her once, and only once she came back from London, the sole premise makes him feel stupid.

But then his nightmares came back.

What if, because he tells her that he just divorced, she doesn't take the Tate Modern offer to stay with him?

He knew where that kind of frustration ends.

- Daddy, your hand is sweating - Lily softly says to her father while she dries her hand with her sweatshirt.

Lucas just looks at his daughter - I'm so sorry Lily, your Father is a bit nervous today - he apologizes and dries his hand against his jeans.

- It's because Aunt Maya is coming back today? - she asks him.

- I'm gonna say, Mom, am I right? - he asks back.

- yes, you are - Lily answers laughing.

- This is the best game I've ever invented - Lucas says while Lily make him stop - What? - he asks and Lily slowly climb him like a koala - Awww my tiny Koala is tired - he says pressing Lily cheeks with his fingers - What do you say little Koala, Ice creams and then I drop you with your Mom? - he asks her.

- Can I get cookies too? - she asks him.

- Nope, you already eat donuts this morning, and you know the rules - he denies, only to see his daughter pout - Don't pout, you're gonna get wrinkles - he adds.

Lily fastly stops, making him laugh.

40 minutes later, Riley was outside her building waiting for them, when she saw Lucas' car park she smiled.

Lucas and Lily walk out the car and Lily fastly runs to her mother - Mommy - she screams before hugging her legs.

- Lil' Koala - Riley says and caresses her daughter's hair - Lucas - she greets him.

- Riles - Lucas answers automatically, noticing in the second the disgust when she heard that nickname - Sorry - he apologizes.

- No need - she replies, then she softly gets on her daughter's height - I have a surprise for you - she says and Lily look at her like she was the sun - Grandma finally show me the secret of her Chard-Bread pudding and she gives me an 8 on the Topanga scale - she adds.

- I'm guessing you need someone to confirm that grade - Lily says and gets away from Riley, only to run to Lucas, only for him to pick her - Sorry Dad, but duty calls - she says and puts a kiss on his cheek, before he put her back down, letting her start her run to her mother's apartment.

Once she disappears in the elevator, Riley looks at Lucas again - You know you're more than welcome to stay for dinner - she says.

Lucas just gives her a sad smile - Sorry, have an appointment in a few less than 2 hours - he says looking at his watch.

- Ok - Riley replies with a nostalgic smile - Say Hi to her for me - she adds before walking back inside her building.

For a strange reason, Lucas felt bad for her.

18:34 was the time Lucas get out his car. White cardboard in his hand, with a huge “Shortstack” written on it.

It was finally the time, 3 months ended 2 days ago, and her flight was arriving in less than 30 minutes.

For a strange reason, tachycardia strikes again, but he was happy, so he just blames the excitement for watching her again in front of him for that.

37 minutes later, his heart starts to beat again like when he was 16. She was there, in front of him, so he just jogs a bit to her and hugs her - God I missed you so much - he says.

Maya stays silent for a second - Hey - she softly says hugging him back.

Lucas notices how light she was traveling, but decide to not say anything - I have a surprise for you - he says instead.

She looks at him and smiles - It is a pecan pie? -she asks.

Lucas just looks at her surprised - How in the world did you guess it? - he asks back, only to hear her laugh.

- My nose is the best in town - she replies while Lucas takes her handbag and holds her hand.

Once they get into his car, Maya started to eat the pie.

- Lord knows I've missed you Pecan pie - she says while she takes a bite with the plastic fork Lucas give to her a few seconds ago.

- Wow, that's Love - he says with a smile on his face, making her laugh.

- Do you think Pecan pie loves me too? - Maya asks him.

- How can he not? - Lucas asks back before turning on his car and drives them away from the airport.

Less than an hour later, they both arrive at Maya's apartment.

Maya lays on the floor - My overly expensive apartment, you don't know how much I missed you - she says and then gets up only to lay on the sofa - My sofa remembers me - she says feeling her body fits in the sofa.

- You're like a kid - Lucas says and sits on the floor, next to her - Should I order something to eat? - he asks her.

Maya smiled at him and put a kiss on his lips - You are the best - she says.

Lucas laughs - You really believe that or you're only saying that because I'm feeding you? - he asks her.

- A bit of both - she says and softly caresses his hair.

Lucas just smile, it was like everything was back to normal, she watches TV, he asks for Chinese food, then they eat, they smile, and they had a great time.

He was able to say that everything was going smooth for him until her words bring him back to a reality, he hadn't thought too much since he saw her.

- So, is one of the things you thought during this time a valid reason to hide from me the fact that you divorced on Lily's birthday? - she asks him.

Lucas just froze, take a sip of his Pepsi - Who told you? - he asks back, knowing there was no point in hiding it.

- So, it is true - Maya says and moves her sight from Lucas.

- It is - Lucas confirms - I've been divorced for a bit more than 3 months - he adds.

Maya just stays silent and cover her face with her hands - You know you're an asshole, right? - she says, more like a fact than as a question.

- Please don't judge me - Lucas begs and for the first time avoid to look at her.

He hurt her.

- Why? - she asks.

- Josh told you - he points out - He probably tells you why I hide it from you - he adds.

- Don't put this on him - Maya defends Josh - You're the one hiding things from me - she adds.

- Didn’t he tell you the why? - he asks her.

- I refuse to believe the BS he gave me as an explanation - she replies, feeling her anger grow bit by bit.

Lucas just looks at her in disbelief - Excuse my rudeness, but now I'm surprised, exactly what did he tell you? - he asks this time.

- He told me you hide it because you wanted me to take the job instead of staying here with you - she answers.

Lucas looks at her surprised this time, and if he was honest, a bit angry - And that's BS for you? - he asks - I can't believe it - he adds.

- Was that the reason? - Maya asks him getting up from the sofa - Wow, that's a lot of confidence in me and how stronger my feelings are - she adds in full sarcasm.

- It's not like that - Lucas says, trying to calm himself, and if he's lucky, calm her too - It's not a matter of ego - he adds.

- Well, it doesn't look like that - Maya replies - Just tell me the truth - she says, still refusing to believe that excuse.

Lucas just looks at her like she punched him in the face - I did tell you the truth - he adds and walks to her door.

- Really manly, go on, run from me! run from my questions! - she yells at him from the living room.

Lucas stops with the doorknob in his hand - Goodnight Maya - he says and walks out her apartment.

Maya wasn't surprised when the morning light starts to bright in her living room. "A living room you haven't leave since Lucas walks out of your apartment last night" she reminds herself.

Even when he was furious with him for hiding that from her, she knew that wasn't enough to make her stop loving him, and that infuriates her.

That's why she was completely surprised when she heard her door unlocking, only to see Lucas walk-in, perfect shirt, coffee, doughnuts, and sunglasses.

- What are you doing here? - she asks him, not with the intention to push him away.

- Well, I wanted to calm down a bit, wanted for you to calm down too, and that wasn't gonna happen with us in the same room - he answers before walking to her and sits next to her on the floor - Also, you deserve an explanation - he adds and opens the doughnut box, to take a Boston cream - And last but not least, I love you, and I think that is the most important reason of all the ones I listed before - he says and smiles at her before taking a massive bite of the doughnut.

- I do love you too Lucas - she says and let her head rest on his shoulder before taking a doughnut - I'm sorry - she apologizes.

- For what? I was wrong, I knew I was wrong when I decided to hide it, but if you let me explain why I did it anyway, I think you might understand my point of view - he replies and kisses her forehead.

- Did you get me a caramel macchiato? - she asks him.

- Yes - he replies with a smile on his face - because that's how much I love you - he says, making her blush a bit.

- Liar, you've known my coffee order since high school - she replies.

- Take the hint - Lucas softly says and then sit a bit straighter, making Maya lose her stand - Anyways - he started, trying to avoid what he just confessed - There was a reason for me to hide my divorce from you - he adds.

Maya just looks at him, this time with a serious tone in her eyes - Do I really want to hear this? - she asks him.

- It's nothing bad, it's more like conclusions people do after what happened to me - Lucas answers before putting his hand over Maya's hand - Do you have any regrets, Maya? - he asks her.

Maya takes a few seconds to answer - A few - she says.

- At this moment, I'm pretty sure regret is what break-up my marriage - he says - Not mine, I was happy, I, I - he tried to say but it was still painful to actually let the words escape his chest - Sorry - he apologizes and takes a drink of his coffee - I really believed I had the perfect family - he continues - A wife who loved me, a daughter who loved me, a nice home, my dream job, money to support my family, that was my top of the mountain - he explained before feeling Maya's head rests on his shoulder again - Don't feel bad, it's just a mountain - he adds.

Maya put a soft kiss on his cheek - I'm gonna start calling you Huckleberry The White - she jokes, making him laugh.

- Please don't - he replies - Anyways, I think the regret was what break my marriage because of all the things Riley sacrifice to take care of our daughter - he says and Maya looks at him confused - Riley is a person destined to do great things, greater than what her mother has done, but she had to put that on hold because someone needed to take care of Lily on the first years of my clinic - he explained - I was in the clinic 12 hours every day, usually stay late to check on the supplies and still, after all that, everything seems to go perfect for me, Lily didn't resent me for skipping the first years of her life and I started to make loads of money, and I think that turn the regret into anger - he adds.

- Why you're trying to justify her so badly? - Maya asks him.

- I'm not trying to justify her - Lucas replies - I'm trying to understand her - he adds - It's the only way to move on - he says - That's why I hide my divorce from you - he continues - I was scared that you might decide to not take Josh's offer to stay with me, and I know how important this was for you and your career - he finally explains why he did it.

- I would never do what she did to you - Maya defends her integrity.

- That doesn't take the nightmares of that happening from me - he says and Maya just hold his hand - 1 time almost kill me, first from alcoholism, and second, from all the times I thought about, you know - he says taking a tiny pause - Pull the trigger - he confesses.

Maya didn't want to, but her tears start to flow from her eyes, reacting to his story.

- And when I was at my lowest point, I get it, I understood what I did wrong - Lucas says feeling the knot in his throat - I force Riley to put me as her priority, and that should never be, you should be your number one priority, not an idiot who thinks he can pull anything from his hat, and honestly, I don't want that for you, I can't risk any little chance of you resenting me because you put me as your priority - he says, feeling a bit lighter from confessing the truth.

Neither of them was able to say anything for a few minutes after that.

Maya takes a deep breath and kisses his hand - Do you love me? - she asks him.

- With all my heart - Lucas answers in a second - Do you? - he asks back.

- Since that stupid 10 second relationship - she answers making him and herself laugh.

[stopforamoment]

Just the Tips

*Thank you to the talented cora-nova for letting me use your amazing Fabricio/Bastien art. It was the inspiration for this drabble. Please check out her other amazing work at https://cora-nova.tumblr.com/ 

Stopforamoment Masterlist Book: The Royal Romance (After Book Three) Pairing: Bastien Lykel x OC Rinda Parks Word Count: 960 Rating: M for Language

*This is also written for @bobasheebaby and @asherella-is-a-dork-3 Happy belated birthday Ash! 

Author’s Note: Obligatory disclaimer that Pixelberry Studios owns the TRR characters and my pocketbook with those darn diamond scenes. OFC with all of her quirks is all mine. My apologies if Tumblr or I do something stupid when I try to post this. The keep reading link shows up on my laptop but not my phone. Ugh. Thank you @asherella-is-a-dork-3 for always being my sounding board! Thank you @cora-nova @silviasutton1989 @bobasheebaby​ @riseandshinelittleblossom​ for still being a part of the journey! Drabble Summary: Drake and Rinda have a prank war going on (more details in the next series, coming out eventually), and Bastien gets caught in the middle. This was inspired by @cora-nova‘s talent in her Fabricio/Bastien art. In my mind this was frosted tips, not full blonde glory. 😊

Just the Tips

When Bastien came home Henry started giggling. Then snorting. “What’s so funny, Knuddelbär?” “Uncle Drake was telling me stories about stupid things you did when you were younger. He looked up to you for a lot of stuff, but there were some things that were just dumb. I’m sorry Bonk, but I think Uncle Drake is right with some of them.” Bastien felt his face flush. He knew Drake would keep it rated PG, but there were still quite a few things in his past that he’d like to keep there. “Um, what kind of stupid things?” “Well, I don’t think I have the words for it. Maybe it’s better if I just show you the picture Uncle Drake sent me.” Henry gave his Bonk a devilish grin. “I’m also supposed to remind you about payback for making him sit through ‘Happy Birthday’ at the restaurant.” “Henry. That wasn’t my fault. That was your mom’s.” He already grabbed his phone and was dialing Drake, and Henry was bent over laughing as he heard Bastien’s side of the conversation. “Drake, that stupid prank war is between you and Rinda. Not me. What the hell have you been telling Henry?” “I promise I didn’t know she asked the staff to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you. I was just as surprised as you.” “Have you ever tried to stop Rinda from doing something she has her mind set on?” Bastien suddenly turned away from Henry, his voice lowered. “I am not pussy-whipped, you little prick. And remember, I have pictures of you when you were going through puberty. I’m sure Laura would love to see those. Maybe some get left in the teachers’ lounge or accidentally get sent through the school email list.” There was a long silence, and then Henry heard Bastien’s booming laugh. “Yeah, I guess we’re at war and it all started because you told me Rinda’s phobia about clowns in the closet. That’s on you.” Bastien was chuckling as he ended the call, and he turned to Henry. “So when you get a little older, when you like someone you’re going to do stupid things to impress them. And it’s going to bite you in the ass when you’re older.” Henry rolled his eyes. “Whatever. So anyway, I have this picture from Uncle Drake.” Bastien groaned. No. Please. Just. No. Henry’s eyes began to sparkle when he heard Rinda walk in. “Hey, mom’s here! Perfect timing!” “Perfect timing for what, Knuddelbär?” She gave him a noogie and kissed his head, and then she tousled Bastien’s hair and gave him a kiss as she whispered “Won’t you be my Tiger?” as part of their silly Mr. Rogers welcome home ritual. “Uncle Drake sent me pictures of Bonk when he wanted to look like someone from the ‘90s Boys Bands.” Rinda snickered when she saw the look of horror and despair wash over Bastien’s face. “Boy bands, huh? So no Jon Bon Jovi ‘80s hair or mullets? Maybe I should ask Brigitte for those pictures.” She leaned over to give Bastien another kiss. “I’m going to get changed into snug clothes. Henry, you and Bonk can decide who’s helping me with dinner and who’s doing dishes.” “Mom? Don’t you want to see the picture? It’s awesome!” Rinda shook her head. “Nope. We’re going home for Christmas and I’m sure grandpa and grandma will pull out lots of photo albums to embarrass me.” She looked at Bastien. “So please remember this and be kind to me, okay?” Bastien wrapped her in a hug and nuzzled her nose. “I promise. Although I stalked your Facebook account and saw you were tagged in some Throwback Thursday high school prom photos. That was a lovely gown you were wearing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much green metallic fabric before. And your huge hair, and you still had braces . . . ” Rinda was snorting from laughing. She knew which picture he meant, and it wasn’t pretty. “Yeah, that was my last year of ‘80s fashion before I went flannel and Doc Martens. Henry, I changed my mind. Show me the damn picture of Bonk.” She grinned as she watched Bastien squirm.

(A/N art created by the talented @cora-nova and thank you for letting me use it) It was bad. Rinda couldn’t even pretend it was okay, and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Tiger. This . . . wow. Frosted tips, huh? So you did this to impress someone?” Silent deflective stare from Bastien. “I can tell whoever took the picture caught you by surprise. You look a little, um, shocked. Is there a story behind that?” Rinda was trying not to laugh, but that hair style was a train wreck and she couldn’t look away, even though she desperately wanted to. “I’m so glad this look went ‘bye, bye, bye.’”

The muscle in Bastien’s jaw was twitching.   Rinda finally put the phone down and started dancing and singing, pointing to Bastien at the end: Bye bye Don't want to be a fool for you Just another player in your game for two You may hate me but it ain't no lie Baby bye bye bye

(NSYNC “Bye Bye Bye”)

Bastien shook his head, trying not to laugh at her crazy antics. “Tria? How much of your brain space is wasted on random choreography from music videos?” Rinda chuckled, but she wasn’t done yet. “Schatzi, I love you, but you look like a total douche.” Bastien sighed as he got out his phone to look up “douche” in the Urban Dictionary. “Hey, Tiger?” “What.” “You know that Frosted Flakes cereal with Tony the Tiger? Well your frosted tips? They really bring out the tiger in you.” She locked eyes with Henry, and they both raised a hand in the air and yelled it in unison. “They’re gr-r-r-eat!”

[boopboopbichie]

can you write something like "five times the losers clu almost found out about richie and eddie's relationship and one time they actually did"

Yes! Surely. (also this is aged up. They’re around 17 in this)

Five times the losers club almost found out about Richie and Eddie’s realtionship and one time they actually did. 

The first time it was their own fault. They were all at Bill’s house for a sleepover and Richie and Eddie had just started dating a couple of weeks ago. They kept it a secret for the rest of the losers because they weren’t sure how they’d react. Also they both found it a little exciting to sneak off and fool around in secret. So they were at the sleepover. It had been a few days since Richie and Eddie had been together because Eddie had had a lot of tests in school and Richie had been out of town to visit some family. So naturally they’d missed eachother. They’d been exchanging glances and teasing whispers all night and when the other losers finally went to bed they snuck off to the bathroom. So there they were, Richie sitting on the toilet seat, Eddie in his lap, hands tangled in eachother’s hair. Eddie was planting kisses down Richie’s neck making Richie let out heavy, shaky breaths. “God Eds I love when you do that”, he whispered making Eddie smile and suck down on Richie’s neck. Until someone pulled the door handle and Eddie flew off of Richie’s lap. Luckily they’d locked the door. “I’m sorry”, Mike’s voice sounded from outside the door and the two boys looked at eachother panicked. Richie then stood up and unlocked the door, meeting Mike’s confused face as he saw that both Richie and Eddie were in there. “Hey Mike my man. What’re you doing up?”, Richie asked and ran a hand through his hair, glancing at Eddie. Mike looked puzzled and gestured at the toilet. “I uhm. I needed to pee. What’re you doing out here?”, he asked and looked at Eddie. Both boys looked at eachother and Richie then spoke. “Eds here needed to pee but he was too scared to go alone and I was awake so I went with him”, he explained and Mike nodded slowly. “Ok then. Well. If you’re done here, I’ll do my buisness”, he said and Richie and Eddie nodded and quickly made their way out of there. 

The second time it was Ben. Eddie and Richie were at Richie’s house just hanging out the two of them. They were home alone so they didn’t think about locking any doors or be careful. They were making out in Richie’s bed and Eddie had taken off Richie’s t-shirt so he was shirtless. Eddie was sitting on top of Richie and Richie’s hands were everywhere on Eddie. Comic books where spread on the bed around them as they’d been in the middle of reading those. Eddie got off the bed to turn up the volume of the music at some point and right as he reached the recordplayer the door to Richie’s bedroom swung open and there stood Ben. When he noticed Richie laying on the bed shirtless, hair all messed up and out of breath and Eddie standing in the other end of the room, his shirt untucked and his hair a mess as well he looked startled. Richie shot up from the bed and looked at him surprised. “Fuck, Ben what are you doing here?”, he asked and grabbed his t-shirt from the floor. “I came to see if you wanted to watch a movie. The door was unlocked. What’re you doing?”. Ben looked confused as his eyes darted between Eddie and Richie. Richie just laughed and sat down on the bed again. “We were just having a dance off and it got kinda warm”, he shrugged once again impressed by how fast Richie was to come up with excuses. Ben looked over at Eddie and Eddie just nodded. They ended up watching a movie despite Richie being pissed that they were interrupted. 

Third time it was Stan. Richie and Eddie was at this local diner drinking milkshakes and eating fries. They were holding hands across the table, as they were sat kinda isolated. “Wanna come over to my place after? My moms not home”, Eddie asked and Richie nodded with a wink that made Eddie’s cheeks heat up. He looked down at their intertwined fingers and smiled softly before grabbing another fry. “Cool. I just finished a book I think you’d like”, Eddie said and Richie softly stroked Eddie’s hand with his thumb. “Great. I finshed the other one and now I don’t know what to do”. Eddie had gotten Richie into reading, borrowing him books everytime he’d finished them. Richie had never thought he’d be into reading but he actually really liked it. They were just talking about everything and nothing, feeding eachother fries, being dorky boyfriends when someone slammed their hands on their table. They both jumped and looked up to see Stan with a huge grin on his face. “Gotcha. You’re so jumpy, jesus”. He grabbed a fry and then glanced at his friends’ hands. Eddie noticed and quickly turned Richie’s hand around so that his palm was up.“No wonder we’re jumpy I was just telling Richie how he’s going to get brutally murdered in the future, reading his palm”, he said and traced his finger over one of the lines in Richie’s palm. Stan snorted and grabbed another fry. “Did you tell him that I’m going to be the murder?”. He then looked at Richie. “You promised me to take a look on my car dude, I need it tomorrow”, he said and Richie sighed. “Shit, I forgot. I’ll come over later and take a look. I’m bringing Eddie though, he knows more about it if it’s the engine”. Stan nodded and grabbed three more fries. “Cool. See you later guys”. Then then walked off, leaving the two boys looking at eachother relieved. Once again they’d lied their way out of a situation like this. 

Bill was next. Eddie and him were hanging out at the park. Eddie had brought a book and Bill had brought his sketchbook and they were just relaxing enjoying eachother’s company in silence. Eddie’s phone then vibrated but he ignored it. Bill grabbed it though and unlocked it. “You have a snap from Richie. I’m gonna open it”, he said and it took a few seconds for Eddie to react. “No!”, he said but it was too late. Bill had opened it and the look on his face told Eddie that it was indeed what he had feared. His face went white and he wanted to bury himself. Not just because it was an embarrassing situation but also because Bill had now knew that Richie was in a mood and that made him uncomfortable. See Richie liked to send slightly offensive pictures. Eddie wasn’t complaining and it wasn’t often but every once in a while he would send one and Eddie would blush and send a black picture back. “Dude that was his hand in his pants”, Bill then said and looked at Eddie horrified. Eddie grabbed his phone from Bill’s hand and rolled his eyes. “He probably sent it wrong. He sometimes does that because me and some girl keeps switching places on his best friend list. He’s never sent me an offensive one before though”, Eddie said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. He pretended to open another snap from Richie. “He already apologized”. Bill didn’t ask more and Eddie changed his passcode to his phone. 

Bev was the last one to almost find out about them. She and Richie were hanging out at Richie’s house just talking about stupid shit. “Richie?”, she then asked and Richie looked up from the book he was reading. “Why are you smiling like that? Are you reading a sex scene?”, she asked and Richie rolled his eyes. Eddie always put notes in the books he borrowed Richie and they always said something cheesy such as: I bet you look cute right now or yay you made it this far, you must like the book. This is my favorite part it reminds me of you. Richie loved it. He was smiling because he’d just reached one of those notes. “Yeah, Marsh”, he just answered and closed the book. She laughed and then stood up and started looking through some of his stuff. He didn’t think much of it and just started checking different social media. “What’s this?”, she then asked and Richie looked up. She was holding a polaroid picture and Richie got up to see. It was a picture of him and Eddie. Richie was kissing Eddie’s cheek and Eddie’s eyes were closed and he was grinning. Richie took it from her and put it between the pages of the book. “That’s just me teasing the spaghetti man”, he shrugged and sat down again. Bev didn’t look convinced.“It didn’t look like teasing to me”. Richie just shook his head and looked at his phone again. “Not in the moment. He kicked me over the shin afterwards”. She still didn’t look convinced but he let it go and plopped down on the bed again. 

The sixth time they were at a party. Eddie was kinda tipsy, dancing around with Bev and Stan and Richie was sitting in a couch with Bill, Mike and Ben. Richie kept sneaking glances at Eddie to check up on him now and then. He looked amazing when he let loose like that. He then look at Mike as he said something. After a while he looked towards Eddie again just to see some dude grabbing him by his hands and pulling him into him. Eddie was visibily uncomfortable and was trying to pull away but asshat kept going. This pissed Richie off and he got up and hurried over there. “Hey dude. What are you doing? Don’t you see he’s not into it. Let him go”, he yelled and pushed the dude away by his chest. The guy raised and eyebrow and laughed mockingly. “Yeah? I think he can speak for himself”. He tried to push past Richie but Richie just pushed him back again. “No doubt he can, but now I’m doing it for him, leave him the fuck alone asshole”. The other losers had gathered behind Richie now, watching as the guy threw a punch at Richie, hitting him in the face. Mike and Bill were quick to grab the guy and pull him away as Ben grabbed Richie to stop him from lounging at the guy. Richie had never been a good fighter so this was the best thing to do. Eddie was in front of Richie in no time, inspecting his face. “Jesus Rich. Come with me to the bathroom”. He then started pulling Richie to the bathroom to clean up his bloody nose. They didn’t lock the door and Richie sat down on the toilet while Eddie wet some paper. “Why did you do that you clown?”, Eddie sighed and got down on his knees in front of Richie, dabbing away the blood. Richie just shrugged and placed his hand in Eddie’s neck. “Because the dude was disrespecting you”. Eddie rolled his eyes and then cupped Richie’s face in his hands. “Thank you. I love you”. He then pressed his lips to Richie’s softly, but Richie was quick to develop it into a makeout session. Eddie didn’t care about the blood as he placed himself on Richie’s lap. Then the door swung open, catching them off guard. The losers were stood outside of the door looking at them with wide eyes.Stan was the first to speak.“I fucking knew it. Palm reading my bare ass”. He then walked out of there. Mike just grinned at highfived Richie. “Nice man. By the way. I know Eddie is now afraid to go to the bathroom alone”. Eddie had no idea what to do. Richie just shrugged though and placed a kiss to his cheek. “Well. I guess it’s official now”. Bev laughed. “We knew. Ben you owe me five bucks”. Ben sighed as he pulled out some money from his pocket and handed it to Bev. They left with Mike, leaving Bill alone. “Guys…. That means that the picture wasn’t an accident…”. Eddie blushed and Richie scratched his neck. “I’m never fucking opening other peoples’ messages again”. He then left too and Eddie looked down at Richie with a small smile. Of course they were ok with it and they wasn’t sure why they’d been so secretive about it. 

[roobarrtrashmouth]

Forgotten

2868 words

Teen and Up - Language Angst

Read on AO3

12 years now. That's how long it's been since the last of the Losers left Derry. Left Mike here to tend the lighthouse and wait for IT to come back. Slowly forgetting them, one at a time. Dying each day a bit more, forgetting what they looked like, sounded like.

Somehow he knew it would be him. The one who would be left behind. He was tied to closely to this cursed land and city. He didn’t blame them, he couldn’t. They meant the world to him. They were his life, were just kids after all. Left to the fickle whims of parents who really were dancing to the strings of an unknown puppet master.

Thank you to @thetheatregal and @agrimny for giving  me the courage to post this story 

Sure he didn’t go to the same school, but they somehow found a way to make him included. They would meet at the quarry, in the Barrens, his farm, the Tozier’s house. The seven of them would get together and talk about everything and nothing. He cherished those days, sleepovers, and camping trips. They welcomed him into their ranks, a Loser, and he loved it.

They all entered high school and he was finally able to join them. That was the best day of his life. Most freshmen were scared shitless of going to high school, let alone being the new kid, but not him. It was the best fucking day of his life. He was with his Losers all day. Meeting before school, walking in like they owned the place. Sharing classes, doing homework at one of their houses. Friday football games, everything. Life was perfect. Sure Eddie’s mom was a pain in the ass, and Bev’s dad was finally out of the picture. Things were on the whole great.

Bev broke the news on a cool October evening at the quarry. “I’m moving.” She dropped into the cool  darkness. Her mom was the first to twitch to the sleeping monster’s strings. She told Bev that at the end of the school year they were moving to Portland to live with her sister. Elfrida knew about her daughter and her boy friends and really didn’t want to separate them. But they simply couldn’t afford to live there anymore on her salary alone. With Al out of the picture home life had gotten much better but they needed the bastards money to survive. Elfrida gave Bev the rest of the school year to make her goodbyes,she owed her that much. “Mom’s promised me that we won’t leave until the end of the school year, maybe a bit into the summer but I’ll be starting my sophomore year in Portland.” The Losers all moved in close and hugged her and vowed to make her freshman year one that Derry High School would never forget, and they did.

When summer finally came the boys helped her pack and took turns hugging her. The last to hug her was Ben. He was crying, they were all crying by this point. Ben blinked back tears, “You know Bev. I love you.” Bev nods sadly. She takes his face into both of her hands, leans in close, “Ben I love you too. I’m sorry for my shitty timing.” She then plants a soft loving kiss on his lips while their tears mingle on their lips. She pulls back and says, “I won’t ever forget you. Any of you, I love you all.” Little did they know that was the first and last lie Bev would ever tell the Losers. She gave everyone another hug, gave Ben another kiss, turned and got in her car with her mom. Bev was the first of the Losers to leave Derry. With her gone Ben wasn’t the same. He still hung out with the remaining Losers but his spark was gone.

Bill was next. As the Losers leader he stood in his parent’s yard and told his dearest friends, “Take care of each other, ok. Look out for one another. Don’t do anything stupid (looking directly at Richie) and above all else be safe.” He then hugged each of them in turn, got in his parents car and then drove away, with the Losers standing in the street waving. After his car had been gone for what seemed hours, but was just minutes, Richie looks at the remaining club, “Did you all catch that? He didn’t stutter once. Fuck.” He threw his arm around Eddies shoulder and told him, “Come on Eds let’s blow this pop stand and go get into some trouble.” Eddie starts to tell him to shut up but stops, and just shakes his head and walks off with Richie. Bill’s departure was just as hard as Bev’s, since by now, their sophomore year, Bev had not returned any of their calls or letters in quite a while. They were getting an inkling as to what was going to happen. The forgetting. Bill also made promises to keep in touch, he did but just like Bev they got less and less until, nothing.

Eddie exit was next and quite possibly the worst of them all.  By this time Richie and Eddie were dating, only the remaining Losers knew of course. Stan had warned them that it probably wasn’t a good idea, but he was half hearted about his warning at best. They all knew that they had to grab life and whatever happiness they could, while there was time. Sonia being the bitch she was only gave Eddie 2 months notice and made it miserable the entire time for him and Richie. Eddie was wrenched from Richie. She didn’t give him the goodbye that Bev and Bill got. Hugs, kisses, more hugs and tears.

The day of the move Sonia unceremoniously tossed Eddie in the car, slammed the door, started the engine and began driving away. Richie ran after the car calling Sonia a bitch and screaming for Eds to not forget him. Meanwhile Eddie was leaning out the window screaming for Richie, begging him not to leave him, yelling at Sonia to stop the car so he could say goodbye. Goodbye to his friends and Richie, but she seemed to hit the gas and go faster. When the car was out of sight Richie fell to his knees in the street, hair hanging down in his face, and said, “I hate this fucking town, and hate that fucking clown. I don’t want to forget about Eds. I don’t want him to forget me. Guys, I just don’t. Help, please.” Mike, Stan, and Ben got down on the street with him and held him until he stopped crying. When they finally got Richie calmed down they stood in a circle held hands and looked at one another. The spark was still there but it wasn’t nearly as strong as it had been with seven. They looked at each other wondering who would be next. Who would be the next one to leave, to forget? They say you should rip a bandage off fast so it won’t hurt and that the same holds true for lost love. Well “they” are wrong. Like Ben, a vitalness, the thing that made Richie… Richie had been ripped out.

But by now the remaining Losers knew the awful truth. Once you left, you forgot. Leaving those that remained to suffer by knowing they would be forgotten.

Junior year and Ben was next. By now they had the routine down. Hugs, tears, more hugs. But no more lying. They knew not to tell one another that the wouldn’t forget. They knew that for what it was, platitudes to make them feel better. Ben simply said as he was getting in his mom’s car, “I hope I run into Bev out there. Maybe she’ll remember me.” He smiled wanly at Stan, Mike and Richie and closed the door. They waved and cried, they were down to three.

Senior year. This should have been the Losers Club’s crowning year. Rulers of the school. Instead it was something akin to convicted men with their backs to a cement wall wondering who would get the bullet next. By this time Mike knew it would never be him. His family was firmly rooted to Derry. This knowledge haunted him as he looked at his last friends. He wanted to reassure them. Tell them not to worry that soon their pain would fade and they too would forget.

Sometime after Ben left and before senior year started, Stan and Mike came to an understanding. Both of them knew time was short, but for the first time in his life Stan didn’t what to be cautious, he wanted happiness, he wanted Mike. Stan and Mike began dating. They tried to hide it from Richie out of kindness, but he figured it out. “One of us poor dumb fuckers should be happy. Might as well be the two of you.” He quipped when he confronted them. “Please love each other, but don’t lock me out. I need the two of you.” They couldn’t do that to him. Their relationship was punctuated with all the things they both loved doing. Bird watching, long walks in the woods for Mike to take pictures. Evenings at the quarry. Parties at Rich’s house or at the barn. Photos, lots and lots of photos. It was wonderful, while it lasted.

The three of them made it all the way through the year together. No one left. But they all knew the awful truth. High school must end and they would naturally be separated. College loomed. They all applied to the same schools in the hope that if they stayed together “out there” they wouldn’t forget. But the clown had other plans. They all got into good colleges but not the same ones. They would be separated regardless, despite their best efforts, the fucking clown was still screwing with their lives.

Their last night together they went to the quarry. Where the Losers had spent so much time, and had such wonderful memories. They stood on the edge of the cliff, looked out at the moonlit sky and the inky blackness of the water and lit four candles and opened four beers. Then they proceeded to get ragingly drunk. The thing that none of them noticed was that the candles never really burnt out, they just burned on and on until in the morning they simply went out.

Stan and Rich left on the same day. Stan headed to Emory and Rich to UCLA. Again they knew the routine, hug, kisses, more hugs. But no promises to keep in touch, no lying. Stan and Mike walked Rich to his plane and group hugged, kissed each other embarrassedly and wished him luck. Rich felt like hammered shit. He waved to them as he walked down the jetway. Feeling crappy he reached into his bag and encountered a small album. He opened it up and inside Mike had written that this was to help him crack a smile in the future. The first picture was of him and Eddie. Eddie in Richies lap lit by a campfire. Richie put it to his heart and cried quietly the entire way to Los Angeles.

They had an hour and a half before Stan’s plane left. They spent that time next to each other holding hands and studying each others features. Not caring about the looks they got from the other passengers. Fuck them, this was the end and they both knew it. They were trying to burn themselves into their memories. Stan reached into his bag and gave Mike his bird watching diary. “Mike this is filled with all of the birds we found together, along with notes to you about what we were doing when we spotted them. I need you to keep this. Who knows how long it’ll take before I look at it and toss it on a shelf and forget about it. At least I know that with you, the memories we made together will live on.” Mike took it and handed Stan a small photo album. “I know you will forget everyone in this book, but it doesn’t matter. I want you to have it. I gave one to Rich as well. I never got a chance to make one for the others. In a year I doubt you will know who these people are in this book, but hopefully some small part of you will remember and that’ll bring a smile to your face.”

Mike walked Stan to his gate kissed him deeply, making it last. They parted, looked at each other and Mike said, “I love you Stanley Uris. I’m sorry this…” Stan puts a finger over Mikes lips, “Mikey, don’t ruin it. We both knew it was going to end like this. I just knew I couldn’t make it through the rest of my life without being with you. I wouldn’t trade this time for anything in the world. I love you. I can live knowing that at least you will remember that. I’m sorry.”  Stan turned made his way to the jetway, stopped blew Mike a kiss and turned and walked out of his life.

Mike stood there at the airport having watched the love of his life and his last best friends leave. Finally he let the tears he had been holding in since Ben left, come out. He was alone, utterly. He knew what his purpose was. Somehow he had to live, watch, and wait for It. But that didn’t make it any easier a burden to bear.

Mike threw himself into college. He had to. Full load class schedules, no after school activities. Long study sessions in the library. In his dorm room the bird diary and his own photo album had a place of prominence on his bookshelf. He found himself at points throughout the day or night thinking, Rich would get a kick out this. Damn Bev would just hate the hell out of this chick. It was during this time that Mike got a job working in the library. After all he spent most of his time there studying, “Might as well make money while I’m here.” He thought to himself.  And fell in love, with his job. He loved working in libraries, helping people answer questions, talking to students and strangers about what to read. He had found his career.

He made acquaintances in school, but friends, no. Nothing like what he had with the Losers. He was lonely and he remembered. He remembered Richie’s trashmouth, Eddie’s aspirator, Bill’s sureness, Ben’s giving heart, Bev’s fire and Stan. He remembered the love he shared with his fastidious boy.

Mike looked out at the crowd of people at his college graduation ceremony. So many happy faces. He searched the crowd hoping to catch a glimpse of faces that were becoming a bit hazy. But no, his family was there to cheer him on as he he crossed the stage, shook hands, and collected his diploma. Not a Loser in the crowd, except for him.

After his studies were over he inevitably made his way back to Derry. Easily got job at the Derry Public Library and began a steady climb up the career ladder. Still he remembered and worried and began tracking his old friends.

Post Scrip

Hi Mike,

I know it’s weird how I wrote all of this. But I have my reasons. I had to tell you the story of the Losers Club and how we... they all forgot each other, because I’m also beginning to forget and I’m still here in Derry. I have to get this all down before it disappears. I know their names, but their faces are blurry. Was it Eddie that had the big damn glasses or was that Richie? Luckily I still remember all the time I spent with Stan. I still read his bird diary and look at my photo album.  

I’ve set up automatic searches to track them. I have safeguards in place to retrieve their phone numbers and addresses and what they have been up to. I should always be able to contact them if I need to. But god I don’t want to. I don’t want to ever have to call them back. But if I do, I will get my friends back and I’ll get to see them all at least one more time. To be surrounded by the people who mean the most to me in the world. They were… are my life and family. I’d love to have them back, to bring color back into my lonely black and white world.

But that may mean losing some or all of them to.. to… It and I couldn’t live with myself if that happened. Better that I forget as well. I would rather them all live happily ever after and we all just forget. I would rather live alone with this dull pain in my chest and emptiness in my heart. But I’m afraid that Pennywise is still alive and that’s why I’m also starting to forget. By the turtle please don’t have me make those calls, please.

Mike Hanlon, MLS Director of the Derry Public Library Proud Member of the Losers Club