#and then for myself i want to die when i notice how ling my body hair is

[violentdevotion]

no amount of body positivity posts are gonna make me okay with my body hair. The only reason I still have body hair is because how much it hurts getting rid of it and how quickly it grows back, I would take permanent hair removal over something like a new house

[admirableadmiranda]

Debts and balances: or how much does one man have to pay over the course of his life?

Good morning everyone! Today we’re going to be talking about debts, and why Jiang Cheng needs to shut the fuck up on debts because he is the one in the wrong pretty much the entire time.

Let’s start by acknowledging that I am not of this culture so I may perhaps state a thing or two wrong, but I also have several functioning brain cells to rub together and I pay attention so I will probably be more right than most of the “hot takes” I see on why Jiang Cheng is not actually in the wrong here. Because he is. He so is.

So, debts. First of all, there are multiple levels and layers of debts and to whom do you owe them too. So let’s start with the first one where the story is subtle about it and yet both Jiang Cheng and Madam Yu are in the wrong. We know that Cangse Sanren saved Jiang Fengmian’s life at one point when they were young. Life debts are big. To only be alive because of someone else’s actions is a debt that it is possible you will never be able to pay back. There are multiple stories of otherwise good people protecting the obvious villain because they owe that.

Jiang Fengmian’s only way of being able to pay back that debt after Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze die is to take care of their child and raise him how they would have. I.E, as a cultivator. This is not a debt that Wei Wuxian owes to the Jiangs. It is quite literally, the least of what Jiang Fengmian owes him and his parents to do.

Jiang Cheng cannot claim that Wei Wuxian owes them for his life. He is wrong. 

Next debt that even Jiang Cheng does not try to claim, only his ever so pleasant stans, the fucking dogs. The fucking dogs that he does not actually give a fuck about. 

Wei Wuxian does not ask anyone to do anything about the dogs. He is not in a mental state to. He is in a state of triggered phobia where his brain literally goes into run away screaming mode. This is also not funny and Jiang Cheng is a jackass for making fun of it whenever it happens. Jiang Fengmian is the one who decides that it’s better for the dogs to go. Even though Jiang Cheng is upset, he does not actually hold this as a lingering grudge against Wei Wuxian. He lets it the fuck go. And even if he didn’t, the resentment and anger should be aimed at the person who actually made a decision about it. Not Wei Wuxian. He does not give one singular fuck about his dogs later on. Let the fucking dogs go.

Third off: The Fall of Lotus Pier. There are different levels of blame that we can lay on this. Wei Wuxian is not close to responsible for this. Jiang Cheng knows this and elects to blame him anyway.

The first people we can lay the blame on the fall of Lotus Pier is the Wens, who came with ships, warriors, Wang Lingjiao to rile up the notoriously short tempered asshole Madam Yu, and Wen Zhuliu the Core-Melting Hand. They came prepared for battle and they got what they wanted. Madam Yu is the second one we can lay the blame on, for deciding to attack and demean Wang Lingjiao, not for making her do anything she didn’t want to do, because holy hell did she want to whip Wei Wuxian until he couldn’t move and leapt at the chance to do such a thing, but because Wang Lingjiao is a servant who was elevated by her lover and Madam Yu is a classist asshole. This is the only reason she flips out. Wei Wuxian did nothing wrong. Wei Wuxian does not have the blood of Lotus Pier on his hands, he is tied to Jiang Cheng and told to protect him at the cost of his life, a debt he does not owe. 

The four debt he attempts to claim, the only one that might be considered to have some teeth if it weren’t for how much Wei Wuxian gives him back almost immediately. Jiang Cheng goes to distract the Wens from Wei Wuxian and ends up getting captured and losing his golden core. So first off, in this world a golden core is a lot to lose, I won’t deny that. But, first off, Wei Wuxian is only in danger because after being whipped a lot, then strangled, then having to run after Jiang Cheng multiple times because he would rather go die at Lotus Pier than listen to either of his parents and escape, he still goes into town to get them something to eat because otherwise Jiang Cheng would rather lie on the ground and die. Fucking great sect leadership there, huh Jiang Cheng? But yes, Jiang Cheng sees the Wens, sees them notice Wei Wuxian, goes off to distract them and then gets captured and loses his golden core.

Now we’re getting to some of the debts that Jiang Cheng owes and refuses to pay back, because that’s definitely going to get him far in this world. Wei Wuxian in his panic and attempt to find Jiang Cheng, finds Wen Ning, who after some struggles manages to convince him that he can sneak in and get Jiang Cheng back out. In addition, he also retrieves the bodies of Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian. This is huge. Jiang Cheng now owes him both a life debt for again, saving his life at great cost to his own: Wen Ning is literally committing treason here, and also for restoring the lost honor of not being able to bury his parents properly. Wen Ning gives them a proper burial and later after the war he is able to lie them to rest in the Ancestors Hall so their spirits will be at peace and he will have fulfilled his fillial duties. By all means, the debt he owes Wen Ning in particular is so great that he should have taken in every Wen in those camps and sheltered them because it is as close as he will ever get to repaying that debt. And that’s just Wen Ning!

The next debt he owes and refuses to pay is to Wen Qing, a genius doctor and respected by Wen Ruohan, who uses the prestige and skills she has to protect both him and Wei Wuxian in at this point enemy territory when they are being actively searched for, being the new sect leader and head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang. She hides them and then later uses her skills to give him a new golden core so that he can go and fight back against his people, revitalizing his clan and eradicating hers. This is another debt that could only really be paid back by protecting her people if she came to him. He owes her literally his life, his power and his people.

The third debt he owes and refuses to pay is to Wei Wuxian, who more than overbalances the scales back in his favor by giving him his golden core. He pays his chance at immortality, his power, his strength, his cultivation, everything that he has to his name so that Jiang Cheng won’t starve himself to death over losing his core. In addition, he tells Jiang Cheng that this comes from a once in a lifetime favor from his mother’s master so even before when he didn’t know about the core, this is still a massive, massive debt, a limitless one time favor from an immortal that he uses Wei Wuxian’s chance to get and never actually thanks him. So at this point, his own golden core as a debt starts to seem a little hollow. Either way, it’s been repaid. An action you do in service of someone else is not a weapon you get to hold over their heads for multiple lives.

Moving on! The next debt he would like to claim is that Wei Wuxian apparently has no right to do things he does not approve of. Excuse me? Is he now a computer program that crashed? What the fuck Jiang Wanyin? Wei Wuxian has less rank than him, although Jiang Cheng is so high rank in this society that he only shares his rank with three other people and there’s no one above him so it would be very hard for him to not be, but he is still a person, with his own thoughts, wishes, dreams, hopes and beliefs. He is not an extension of your hand, to make your clan look good and stand behind you as a hammer to smash on people. Wen Qing goes to Wei Wuxian to ask for help for finding her brother, her people because they are literally being tortured to death. This is a debt that by all means, Jiang Cheng should be repaying. See that part where Wen Ning committed treason to help him and restore his family’s honor? See that part where Wen Qing literally gave him the ability to go back to war against her family? This is the point where anyone with honor would recognize this is the only thing I can do. I will throw myself on my sword if I must, but I must repay this debt to them. There is nothing less I can do. But Jiang Cheng has only the honor of a mangy cur and ignores this, and when Wei Wuxian goes to fulfill this debt, he tells him to stop. To him, his multiple life debts are an inconvience to shoving his nose so far up Jin Guangshan’s ass that he’s tasting what he had for dinner that day.

The next debt that he would like to claim is the death of his brother in law. This is a debt that Wei Wuxian would owe to specific people. This debt is to Jiang Yanli, Jin Guangshan and Jin Ling, one of whom is wanting to forgive it, one who is too small to decide at the time, and one who straight up does not give a fuck beyond advancing his power. Jiang Cheng is not one of these people. His sister is fine, she’s not his concern anymore, she’s a part of the Jin sect. The only reason why he died is that Jiang Cheng decided the best way to repay his debt to Wei Wuxian was to throw a temper tantrum and declare him an enemy to everyone, ripping out every support from under his feet. Regardless, Jiang Cheng is an asshole and does not get to claim this debt.

The final one of Wei Wuxian’s first life that he keeps hurling at him is the death of his sister...the death of his sister who chose to leap between Wei Wuxian and a sword. The death of his sister at a battle that broke out because Jiang Cheng has been with Jin Guangshan whipping the cultivation world into a frenzy against the Wens and Wei Wuxian because of power and jealousy. The battle that would have not happened if they’d left them alone. Jiang Cheng has been to the burial mounds. He has seen the farmers, he has seen the baby there. He has decided that rather than do anything to repay these various deaths, he will kill them on other people’s swords instead. Because he is also a coward and won’t pick fights he can’t win. In addition he likes to steal Yanli’s agency, she’s the one who chose to come, she’s the one who chose to get in the way and she doesn’t die with regrets. And she is not his debt to claim. Again, the one who actually gets to claim this death that Wei Wuxian is not responsible for is Jin Ling, who actually shapes up and decides that it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t blame Wei Wuxian for it. He forgives him his role in that space and moves the fuck on, unlike a certain sir stabby grape mcwhipinnoencts.

And then Wei Wuxian dies and any debts he may have still owed to Jiang Cheng, not that there were any, die with him. Jiang Cheng has no claim on him, he was not part of his sect, they were not brothers in any way, indeed Jiang Cheng called him his enemy. Even most people with far more real grudges at this point would let it go. Wei Wuxian is so dead that no one can find his soul, no matter how hard they look. He comes back to life and reaps the rewards of his actions, finding new allies, getting the chance to actually interact with Jin Ling and make his apologies, and in the end, settle down to a peaceful life with an adoring husband and nothing left to be repaid. If there is still a debt he owes, it is only to Mo Xuanyu, who gave up his entire cycle of life to let Wei Wuxian reincarnate early with his memories, a sacrifice he only asked for repayment in the death of his family. He may owe more still, but that is all Mo Xuanyu wanted from him in repayment for this great sacrifice. The cultivation world is in the wrong when they’re trying to persecute him again for the actions of his previous life, he owes them nothing anymore. The debts he carries towards Jin Ling are the ones he chooses to take on, feeling guilty that he grew up without his parents due to the world’s general actions and also no one else taking responsibility for how far things fell. 

That is what Jiang Cheng finally realizes in the temple, crouched on the floor and sobbing like a spoiled child over the golden core sacrifice. Is that he is in the wrong and has been in the wrong the whole time. That there is nothing he can hold onto, no debt that Wei Wuxian ever owed him that he could demand to be paid. He built it all up in his head as he left his honor, his family and his dignity in the wake of his arrogance. And it’s a painful thing to realize, the consequences of your decisions, but all he can do is live with his own ruined reputation, his own loneliness and the fact that no one wants to be around him. He’s blacklisted by multiple matchmakers, his disciples are more like thugs, Wei Wuxian chooses every opportunity to get away from him and even Jin Ling likes him less and less over the course of the book, not forgetting that he seems to prefer Jin Guangyao to begin with as he actually talks to him sometimes and doesn’t hit him. Jiang Cheng refusing to pay his debts gives him exactly what a debt deserter deserves. No one has a reason to trust him. The one bit of positive character growth he does is giving up and not trying to reel him back in by telling him of the sacrifice. At this point, all it would be is just him trying to get another debt he cannot hold because it is long since repaid, never quite made up for what they gave him to make up for it, and worthless in the face of Wei Wuxian’s new life. Wei Wuxian owes him nothing and never has.

Also, just to tally up the relationship between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng on things given between the two of them, Jiang Cheng gives him: a lot of whinging on how unfair it is that Wei Wuxian is a prodigy, and a one time immediately regretted and held over his head sacrifice of a golden core. Whereas Wei Wuxian gives him: many lessons on how to be a kinder person that he ignores, the patience and tolerance of his stinkbug attitude, his love, his affection, his fucking golden core, his reputation, his blood, his livelihood, taking over his debts, trying to keep any of his actions from reflecting on the Jiangs even though if Jiang Cheng had repaid any of the debts he owed, there would have been no problems because if the Jin’s did decide to attack, Wei Wuxian would fight back and he can level battle fields on his own, his honor, his relationships, and even his life in the end, because if Wei Wuxian had ever turned on him like he claimed, he would have been a bloody smeared spot on the ground. And Jiang Cheng gobbles this all up and demands more with Wei Wuxian’s blood and tears dribbling from his mouth. 

Would you give that much for someone who doesn’t treat you well? Would you find that a reasonable price to pay for someone who demeans you at every opportunity, who tells you you deserve your misfortunes and that no one likes you? Why are you surprised that in the end Wei Wuxian would rather walk away with people who care about him, why he gives up, leaves any opportunity for anything in Jiang Cheng’s hands. Wei Wuxian has given more than any person should for almost nothing. It is a sign of triumph and victory, of recognizing his own worth and value in the world and who he wants to be with, that he leaves, that he walks away with his head held high. He owes Jiang Cheng nothing, and Jiang Cheng will just have to fucking live with that.

[whump-town]

Psych 101

Defiance • Struggling • Crying

(Warning for language, torture, drugs, and just bad guy things)

The Hotch telling the team he loves them while being forced to shoot Garcia story 

Waking up in his pajamas, strapped to a wooden chair, and surrounded by his friends… Reid doesn’t know what’s happening but he knows it’s not good. “Guys,” he whispers, fear creeping up his sternum. He peaks over his shoulder, leaning forward to see down the line of people. Morgan is to his immediate right, beside him his Garcia. On his left, it runs Emily, JJ, and Dave. “Morgan?”

The older agent lifts his head, eyes peeling open slowly. He can feel the sedative still working through his body but as awareness creeps in, his mind clears. “Reid,” he croaks, rubbing his chin against his shoulder-- his bare shoulder. He looks down and frowns when he realizes he’s sitting in boxers he’d worn to bed and nothing else. “Kid?”

“Oh fuck me!”

Reid and Morgan lean forward, catching the eyes of the very pissed Emily Prentiss. Well, it’s not hard to put two and two together here. She’s clearly not pleased about her dressing arrangements either. She’s got a shirt on even if it’s twisted beneath her and showering the ling of her underwear. 

She gets over it fairly quickly when she’s able to see everyone. No, not everyone. “Where the hell is--”

They flinch as a sudden light comes on overhead. It’s bright and a broken kind of yellow tint that sinks into everything. More importantly, it puts Hotch right in front of them. He hadn’t been spared in the clothing of choice either. His green boxers are rolled up his thighs, his legs limply splayed out. The white shirt he customarily wears to bed is sitting on the ground at his feet. Having been pulled off to attach the heart monitor leads to his chest. 

“Fuck… Hotch?” Emily mumbles. They’re all grappling to take this to the best of their abilities. It’s bad enough they’re tied down but… There are two bags of something clear hanging above Hotch’s head. It’s snaking into the back of his hand and judging from the light trail of drool and just how limp he remains while they sit up and become aware, it’s not good. “This is gonna suck.”

A large door hidden by the shadow of where the light doesn’t go, the UNSUB steps in. “You can say that again, Agent Prentiss.” 

The power in the tone and statement are fairly lost as Garcia comes in, held by her elbow in the UNSUBs tight grip. “Honestly, your professionalism sucks complete--” Garcia stops when she sees them. She pales and her gaze nervously shifts between them until it lands on Hotch. A wall comes down and she scowls at the UNSUB. “If you’ve touched a hair on my bossman’s head, I’ll--”

The UNSUB pulls a gun from behind him, tucked into the back of his pants, releasing Garcia and stepping to Hotch. He presses the metal to Hotch’s temple, pushing Hotch’s head upright and smiling when Hotch remains limp and leaning into the metal. He smiles, “you’ll what? Huh? You’ll kill me?” He grips Hotch by his dark hair, lifting his head and making sure the other’s can see. “You can try but it won’t be before I kill him.”

He rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he releases Hotch. 

They wince when Hotch’s head falls back and cracks against the table behind him. A sickening crack filling the air before Hotch breathlessly grunts in pain.

“Sit down,” the UNSUB points to a spare chair. It’s like he isn’t even bothered with her. He doesn’t say a word or even give her anything to bind herself to the chair with. His first and fatal mistake.

The UNSUB goes the tray pushed up against Hotch’s chair. It’s a sophisticated setup and surely someone’s noticed this equipment is missing. It helps that he has to be trained for some of this. So many bread crumbs… someone has to catch on.

From her spot Emily can see everything the UNSUB is doing. Watching him produce a needle and a bottle of medicine, her heart leaps. “Hey!” Emily shouts, her mind reeling as the UNSUB draws the clear liquid into the syringe. “What are you doing,” she kicks out at her chair. She’s not sure what that is or who he’s going to give it to but she knows it’s not good.

The UNSUB’s face darkens but he doesn’t look up from what he’s doing. “I’d stop all that nonsense, Emily.” He glances up at her, “one too many milligrams of this stuff and I’ll stop his heart. Now,” he says, “we wouldn’t want me to miss calculate would we?” He smiles when Emily stops. He pulls the syringe out and presses it into the port on Hotch’s hand. “Wakey, wakey Aaron.”

They all watch in silent horror as the medicine takes effect.

Hotch groans, shifting as he grows more and more uncomfortable. The heart monitor doesn’t sound off through the room but that doesn’t mean they can’t watch Hotch’s heart rate get dangerously high. His hands tremble where they remain in the binds, his face pinching in pain. He makes a soft choked noise and his chest stops rising with his breathes. His head falls limply to the right.

Dave curses in Italian, the sound of his deep voice enough to make the other’s flinch. “You bastard! You’ll kill him!” Dave falls silent as Hotch’s eyes crack open, his pale chest heaving as a thin layer of sweat spreads over his skin. “His vascular system is compromised! He can’t take too much stress,” Dave says, much of his previous fight gone as just how off Hotch looks. “His heart can’t take it. You’ll kill him.”

The UNSUB disregards Dave entirely. He steps up to Hotch, cupping his cheek and directing Hotch’s empty gaze to himself. “Are you with us, Aaron?” His cheek is cold and damp against the UNSUB’s palm. His bloodshot eyes are far off and unfocused.

Hotch feels a million miles away from his body. Through half-lidded eyes, he can see Reid. He feels an instant relief as he slowly recognizes each person before him. The team’s here, he sighs, everything’s okay.

“Aaron,” the UNSUBS calls again. Slowly Hotch’s eyes move over and look at him. “There you are. How do you feel?”

Hotch shivers, trembling as his body works through the drugs in his system. He’s not present. His mind is clouded by the number of drugs in his system. What he knows is that he can see the team before him and the man beside him is his therapist: John. While his heart beats so fast that it makes his chest ache and his body feel eerily cold, he trusts John and the team.

“My mouth’s dry,” he slurs softly. He struggles to bite down against the need to whine out the statement. To make it clear just how uncomfortable and poorly he feels. 

The UNSUB nods his head and steps back, grabbing a bottle of water and carefully moving it to Hotch’s pale, chapped lips. 

The whole display-- the soft, nearly kind way that the UNSUB is treating Hotch is startling. It’s even more unsettling. 

“Look at your team, Aaron.” 

Hotch’s heavy eyes move over to them. He’s told John a lot about them. 

John smiles at the team, eyes moving over them one by one. “I want you to tell them how you feel,” John directs. “Tell them the truth,” John whispers, a malicious grin spreading across his lips. “Tell them how much you hate them. How you hate the team and everything they stand for.”

Hotch’s face pinches in confusion. He shakes his head. “No,” he groans, weakly pulling at the ropes keeping his arms securely bound to the chair he’s occupying. He lets out a soft sob, unable to control his emotions with the pain and exhaustion wearing him down. The drugs doing their job. Something has to be wrong. “I don’t hate them.” He shakes his head, voice cracking, “don’t. I don’t.”

The UNSUB grabs him by the back of the hair, jerking his head back. 

Hotch lets out a soft whimper when the back of his sore head hits the chair. Tears flow over his cheeks, his confusion evident in the clear fear in his eyes as he looks at John. ��Please,” he rasps. 

Seeing Hotch’s tears, Morgan’s anger overflows. “Son of a bitch,” Morgan curses, hitting his hand against the arm of his chair. “Leave him alone!”

The UNSUB points the gun at Morgan, a silent threat. The two holding eye contact until Morgan bites his tongue and averts his eyes.

John turns his head back to Hotch. “Yes, you do, Aaron,” he croons. He trails the gun down Hotch’s naked chest. “They left you after Foyet,” he reminds Hotch. “They let Haley die.” He pushes the gun against one of the scars on Hotch’s chest. One left by Foyet. “Tell them, Aaron.” His temper is making itself known as he digs the gun’s tip into Hotch’s side until he grunts. “Tell them how you hate them!”

Hotch can’t manage to force any words out. He just weakly shakes his head, crying. He doesn’t understand what’s happening. It’s all too much. He’s cold and he doesn’t feel well and he doesn’t understand why no one’s helping.

“Tell them!” The UNSUB shouts. He draws back and hits Hotch across the face. He’s quick to move, aiming the gun back at the team when there’s a unanimous wave of outbursts.

Dave’s voice cuts clear the best. “Listen,” his voice wavers. His eyes are darting between Hotch and John. “Why are you doing this? You’re clearly upset. What---”

The UNSUB points the gun at Dave, deep voice burning in his chest as he grits out, “don’t.” He steps away from Hotch, attention diverted. “He needs to say. He needs to admit it or he’ll never get better!” His entire body shakes as he bites out that last word, making them jump back.

He shouts in fury, throwing his head back. “Fine,” he comes back down and looks down at them. “I’ll do it myself.” 

Walking over to Hotch he carelessly rips a knife through the zip ties holding his bleeding wrist down. With a sharp pull that rips the IV from Hotch’s hand, Hotch let’s out a stifled shout. “Up,” he commands, pulling Hotch onto his feet with a rough arm looped under Hotch’s shoulder. They stand in front of the others for a moment. Hotch sways and leans into John, too weak to hold himself upright. John takes his time moving his gun down the line until he settles on Garcia and with a smile says, “come here.”

Garcia stands, looking to the others for some guidance. She’s choking back a sob when Morgan starts to thrash, hitting and making as much noise as possible. “No!” He cries, “no, baby girl. Come back here. Sit down! Don’t go to him! You stupid son of a bitch, if you hurt her I’ll kill you!”

The UNSUB it too delighted with his new plan to ever validate Morgan when a response. “Kill her,” John whispers, taking Hotch’s weak shaking hand into his own. He wraps Hotch’s long fingers around the hold, guiding it upright so Garcia’s at the end. “Go ahead, Aaron.”

Hotch can’t even hold his arms up. His body screams in agony as he stands and he wants to pull away but he can’t. He doesn’t know what to do.

Garcia sobs. “Oh please, sir.” She can’t even bother to wipe away the mascara running down her face. “I love you, Hotch. I’m your friend.”

Hotch’s knees give out from beneath him. John wraps his arm around Hotch’s hip and holds him upright. A single tear falls down Hotch’s cheek, as he wracks his mind for what to do. The obvious choice is to shoot Garcia. He thinks. Shooting Garcia… no, that’s wrong. He’d hurt and he doesn’t want to hurt Garcia. She’s never hurt a soul in her life. 

With a shaky sigh, he knows what to do. He pulls in a breath and pushes with all his strength up onto his legs. Arching his back he throws John off and from there’s practiced ease. Two shots mid-center.

“Hotch!”

The world spins as he remains in place, his head blurring. His eyes have already rolled into the back of his head before his body hits the ground. Body pushed past its breaking point, the cocktail of messy drugs in his system, and hurting he starts to seize. 

Garcia struggles to get them out of the chairs, torn between Hotch and the team. The team she needs fast access to. Besides while seizing she really shouldn’t touch Hotch to much. Pushing into the rescue position she has to leave him to get the others.

“Time,” Emily calls out to Reid.

“Fifty-four seconds. On average, most acute seizures stop at this point.”

But Hotch’s doesn’t. 

The first thing that Dave does when he’s free is lift Hotch’s head from the floor and place it in his lap. Working his hands through Hotch’s cold-sweat soaked hair, he whispers to him in Italian. Soothing him through it. “That’s my boy,” he says, his own eyes tearing up as Hotch whimpers and cries. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

“One minute, thirty-seven seconds.”

Hotch’s seizure stops exactly thirteen seconds later. 

Gently patting at his cheek, JJ leans over his shoulder and calls his name. Trying to rouse him. “Hotch,” she calls. 

Emily leans down, roughly pushing at his cheek. “Get up, Hotch. You’re not quitting on us yet.”

Hotch groans, moving his head away from her hand. “Not,” he grumbles, opening two bloodshot eyes and shooting her the best scowl she can manage at the moment. He looks around at the other’s gathered around him. Each going through a different stage of working off their anxiety. Morgan is sitting back on his thighs, rubbing two hands down his face and Dave is mumbling a prayer to himself.

“Don’t hate you,” he croaks, softly. 

JJ reaches down, soothing the tear that runs down his cheek. “We know,” she promises. 

He turns his head into her palm. His body feels so heavy and he knows it’s the drugs. “ ‘s good.” But he’s struggling to fight his exhaustion.

JJ presses a kiss to the top of his head. “We love you too.”

Hotch feels his left hand being squeezed gentle before several other voices softly agree. His eyes move around the room until he spots Garcia. With a small grunt, he manages to move his head better to see her. “Sorry if I scared you,” he whispers, throat raw and body rapidly shutting down.

Garcia steps closer to him and he can feel her hand on his, squeezing. “Don’t be silly,” she says. “I have complete trust in you, sir.”

Hotch smirks. Unable to keep his eyes open any longer with Dave’s hand resuming its soothing trip through his hair and Emily and Garcia’s tight grips on his hand. He caves to the drugs and falls into the painless heat. Trusting that when he wakes up he’ll be home.

[xhanisai]

Blanc Noise - Chapter One

AO3 / FFN

Summary: 

It first began with the feeling of being watched and the flicker of shadows.

Then along came missing items being returned in the most odd places.

Soon it was the glimpses of blue eyes in the darkness and a silhouette of white that haunted her.

Marinette thought she saved him, that she saved her Chat Noir from the dystopian timeline.

She was wrong...oh so wrong...

A/N: Wassup mah d00ds! I hope you're all doing well and everything! Anyways, on tumblr, I made a quick AU of 'What if Chat Blanc comes back but as a ghost?' and it got lots of positive attention hence I decided to start a full fledged story. After all, I am a fucking slut for Mariblanc~ Big thanks to my good friend @/gale-of-the-nomads for the title name (sometimes, he has a good idea or two despite the amount of terrible puns he spews lol). Nevertheless, enjoy! P.S: The story takes place after the episode: Ladybug. Therefore, Maître Fu is still around, the love square is still going strong and Ladybug is not the guardian. Additionally, I've tweaked the timeline. The duo have now started their final year in collège in September (the events of Ladybug happened just before the summer holidays). Do I make myself clear? Good. Have fun! Song listened to whilst writing: White Silence - TK from Ling tosite sigure

~(x)~ . . . "MmmMhmm! That smells amazing! What have brought this time, My Lady?" The feline hero leapt to his feet, faux ears and tails wiggling with delight and pupils dilating with elation. Ladybug laughed softly at her endearing partner, sitting down on their favourite beam of the Eiffel Tower and beckoning the boy to come closer, wiggling the Tupperware in her hand teasingly. Chat Noir didn't hesitate to scurry towards her, plopping down on the spot opposite the heroine as she placed the container in his greedy hands. If he wasn't such a gentleman, he would have immediately tore off the lid and scarfed the delectable goodies down his throat like the alley cat his Lady proclaimed him to be. "Guess." Ladybug humoured him. "And before you ask, the clue is that it's a savoury dish this time. Don't shake it up too much." She playfully took it away from him and then placed it on the spot between them, grinning as Chat's face scrunched up into a thinking expression. Lips pursed, eyes narrowed and arms folded. Absolutely adorable. "Hm...it can't be steamed garlic prawns. You brought that yesterday." Noir mused. "And it doesn't smell like duck pancakes either." He added, scrutinising the mystery within the container. "You mean the Běijīng kǎoy��? Not after that horrible heartburn it gave you last week." Ladybug cheekily flicked his forehead, earning an annoyed grunt from him. "Geez no need to flex on the Chinese, Mlle. I don't know a lick of Mandarin." He tried to swat away Ladybug's hands when she attempted to poke him for making fun of her, chuckling at her mock angry face. "Okay okay! I'll behave- the heartburn was worth it by the way~ I started to crave for more days after, hahaha-" "I know SOME Mandarin, stupid!" "Insults and crude words do not count, My Lady." "Just guess the food in the Tupperware already or else I won't share!" Her threat froze the black cat comically. Chat quickly blabbered out apologies, clearing his throat and then eyed the container again. The sound of his stomach rumbling broke the silence, embarrassing the hero whilst his partner barely kept in her snickers. "Vermicelli rolls?" "Nope." "Kung-Pao chicken?" "Nah." "...wontons?" "You're getting closer," "Agh...okay from when I shook it, it sounded quite hard and crispy so..." He carefully shook the container once more, ears pressed against the cool surface as he tried his best to identify the treasures. Finally, an idea struck him, evident in the way his faux ears and tail shot upwards. "Aha! Spring rolls! It's spring rolls, isn't it?" His face looked like one who won the lottery and Ladybug couldn't help but coo internally. He was such a dork. "That's right, Chaton. Now, if you guess the correct fillings, I'll let you have some." Ladybug added nonchalantly, eating up the way Chat spluttered and the frazzled gestures he made, eyes begging to let him have the treats already. "Oh come on! You're not that cruel, Bug." He pouted but didn't attempt to snatch away the container. He directed his beady glare at his Lady, arms folded. "...La-aaaaady-bu-uuuuug..." He whined. "Just kidding~ Here, Bon appétit ," Ladybug didn't waste time, tearing off the lid and beckoning Chat to take some of the spring rolls. The boy's eyes widened at the sight of the delicious looking treats. The pastry was golden and crisp, the size of each roll were consistent and big enough to finish in three bites and the enticing, spicy scent made the feline salivate. And, they were still piping hot. Hell yeah, Bon appétit indeed! Without hesitation, Chat took a bite, unaware of Ladybug's anticipating look. . "Holy shit...I'm in heaven..." The teen blurted out, eyeing his spring roll with a tearful look, as if it was too beautiful for him to eat. He shoved the whole pastry in his mouth, moaning in delight without a shame whilst his Lady's tinkling giggles was like music to his ears. What a way to spend the last evening of summer before school. A beautiful summer night, a beautiful lady and amazing food! 'Yes, this cat is content for life,' He purred to himself, smiling at his partner as she offered him another roll. "Thank dieu you enjoyed it. I wasn't too sure if you were going to be keen on the secret ingredient I mixed in with the vegetables." Ladybug twirled her roll, cheeks ever so slightly flushed with happiness. "Is it that exotic spicy scent that I've been smelling this whole time?" "Yes. Maman's friend who's from the south-east gave her these homegrown naga-chillies. They're really, really hot on their own but without the seeds, they're bearable to me and make the vegetable filling taste so good." She bit into her roll as if to emphasise her point. She was blind to the way Chat Noir watched her with a pleasant, fulfilled smile. The warmth that pulsed in his stomach provoked his heart to skip a few beats or so- a standard reaction that the love of his life always gave him. 'I wish you would be mine forever...' His unsaid words were left floating in the back of his head as he nibbled on his food. The duo spent the rest of the night laughing, joking, exchanging bizarre stories without giving away their civilian lives and before they knew it, it was midnight. "Uh-oh...I'm turning into a pumpkin! Save me!" Chat Noir wailed dramatically, curling up into a ball and leaning against Ladybug. Her hearty laughter grew in volume, the girl clutching her stomach as she gasped for a breath only for Chat to join her with his contagious laugh. Soon, they calmed down. With the calm came the thoughts. The crescent of the moon shone like a beacon. The temperature of the summer air started to cool and the beautiful city lights below shone like diamonds. The two were hesitant to leave, wanting to prolong their last summer night. The older of two wanted to spend as much time as he wanted with the girl he loved. The younger on the other hand? She wanted to keep him happy and close. After all, She would rather die than fail her partner again and let him be akumatised. Little did she know how potent her sadness was. The atmosphere turned tense in a flip of a switch, sending shivers down Chat's spine and he was quick to glance at his now, forlorn looking Lady. As if they didn't just have a laughing fit and a mini picnic. It was that damn empty, distant looking face again. The boy under the mask absolutely despised it. He would do anything to get rid of it. "You know I'm always here for you, Bug." He placed his hands on her forearms, beckoning her to look at him. Ladybug refused to meet eye contact so he tilted her chin up with a finger, delivering a soft, sad grimace. "It's been months now and yet you wouldn't tell me what happened. Did you think acting more sweet around me would distract me from your tears?" The girl hadn't noticed her eyes were watering till her Chaton pointed it out and wiped away a stray tear. She knew he was much more smarter and perceptive than most would give him credit for yet she couldn't help but pray that he would leave her be. 'He's always been too good for you. You know it. I know it. So why don't you just hurry up and throw the earrings away so that someone else who's actually worthy of utilising the power can properly look after him?' "I told you, nothing happened. Just silly, civilian stuff." Ladybug tried to shrug him off, quickly wiping her eyes and trying her best to not sniffle. "Let's just go home-" "When will you stop lying to me?" The boy hissed out, tail lashing against the beams in anger and feline ears pressed against his dishevelled locks. His acidic green eyes pierced through Ladybug's being. A deadly scowl that would surely cause the blood in Le Papillon's body to freeze and petrify him. Ladybug tried her best to not show how he surprised her, keeping a poker face and swallowed quietly. However, with the way his hands were clasped around her wrists, she feared he could feel her rapid pulse. Why was it always her that caused his rare anger to rise on an occasion or two? It was simply not fair. How righteous his anger was towards her. A sudden gust of wind swept through their hair, ending the summer season and introduced the newly born autumn with a howl. It felt like ice seeping through their suits. Yet, the polka dotted heroine didn't dare move a muscle, observing her partner with a cool, neutral expression. Chat Noir hated it. He absolutely hated it. It was one of the few faces she made when she was forced to keep a secret away from him even if it took a toll on her body and mind. He felt disgustingly useless. "I'm fine, Chat Noir." Ladybug wiggled her hands to free them of his grip, bringing them to her chest as she glanced towards the city below. "Can we please not do this tonight? Please? I want it to end on a good note." Her wish was met with a defeated sigh from her partner, not flinching for even a split second when his tail whipped against a stray beam. An echo of his anger prior. Just as it was quick to come, it was quick to leave, thankfully. "I'm not give up on you," His resolute tone induced a quiet gasp from Ladybug, the girl herself cut her gaze towards him with parted lips. "But for tonight, I'll let you be." He didn't smile but...he didn't frown either. Reaching for her hands one last time, Chat Noir brought them to his lips. His bold, fiery greens never left her soft, steady blues whilst his lips brushed against her knuckles in a traditional kiss. Taking advantage of her lack of hesitation, he kissed the backs of her hands too and then brought them to his chest so that she could feel his fierce, beating heart. It began to lash against his chest when a light rouge tinted her cheeks. "I'm always here for you, always. No matter what, you can count on me to protect you." Then, with a determined nod, he launched forward and pecked her head before letting go of her swiftly and vaulting away with an impeccable speed. Ladybug remained frozen in her position, cheeks flaming until his figure became smaller and smaller in the distance. By the time she could no longer see him, she sunk to her knees, grasping her chest as her throbbing heart felt like it was going to burst out and explode. Millions of emotions ran through her body, fighting against each other as the memory of him kissing her head replayed over and over again. Like the sweetest of poison. Addicting but deadly. Despite the warm, fluttering butterflies, despite the smooth, softness of his lips, despite the comforting, protective touch of his, Ladybug couldn't help but have the memories of the other timeline flare in her mind like a warning sign. An unwanted threat that has never failed to wreck her mind. Biting her lips, she tried to keep her tears at bay, body shaking and pushing against the sobs that threatened to spill out. She was so tempted to run back to him and tell him everything. To care for him like the way he deserves. To love him like the way he needs. Yet the haunting, crazed ice blue eyes of the past invaded the temporary soaring feelings like a virus, eating away all the positivism and hope she tried her upmost best to maintain. 'You have no right to be happy...' An ugly gloom hooded her eyes, killing all her emotions as she staggered back up to her feet, using a beam nearby for support. The harsh wind clawed through her hair, ridding her trademark ponytails of their ribbons and blowing them away to the other side of Paris. Ladybug simply didn't have the energy to get them back, using muscle memory to swing herself back home. Her ribbons long forgotten. It was a cold, bleak September now. ~(x)~ It was quiet. Too quiet. Standing up from her crouch after detransforming on her balcony, Marinette immediately spun around and glared at her surroundings whilst Tikki hovered close. Not a single sound was heard. Not even the wind. Suddenly, Marinette's heart began to pick up pace as beads of sweat started to form on her forehead. The only thing she could hear was her heartbeat as she felt something weird. Her entire neighbourhood was asleep, evident in the lights out and the pitch black environment. The only source of light in her vision were the few lamp posts on the streets as well as around the park. Yet, she couldn't ignore the feeling of being watched. Not wanting to show fear at a possible stalker, Marinette took large strides till she was at the edge of her balcony, clutching the railings and scanned the scene with more scrutiny. One of the lamp posts merely flickered as moths buzzed around it. The trees simply swayed along with the inaudible breeze. The streets and roads remained empty. Not a single soul out. Marinette exhaled softly, eyes never stopping its study of her surroundings. She took a step back, tension leaving her body bit by bit, leaving an aching throb in her chest. The adrenaline that fuelled her veins vaporised. "I don't think there's anyone around, Marinette." Tikki whispered, clutching the girl's loose strands as she also watched for anything suspicious. "Can we go back inside? I'm cold." "...okay." Marinette glared at the scene from her peripheral vision once more, almost swearing that she saw movement under one of the lamps only to brush it off as paranoia and made her way back to the trapdoor. Since she wasn't paying attention, the teen bumped into her table, almost tripping over her feet but thankfully caught herself. "Eek! Are you okay?" The little Goddess freaked out, flying in front of her charge and scanning her from head to toe for any injuries. She was waved off with a tired smile. "Don't worry, it's probably just a little...bruise...?" A slither of red caught Marinette's attention from the corner of her eye only for her to gawk. There, on the railing of her balcony was... ...One of her ribbons. Inhaling sharply and leaping towards the railings, clutching her treasured ribbon, Marinette spied around the neighbourhood desperately like a hawk. Tikki's presence on her shoulders did nothing to alleviate her stress as sweat from palpitation grew on her palms. Her mouth on the other hand ran dry and she refused to blink. She didn't dare to tremble. She was Ladybug. Nothing should scare her. ...with her partner's possible akumatisation aside that is. Regardless, Marinette fixated her stare at the specific lamp post. The area where she brushed off momentarily. The light flickered back and forth whilst moths carried on fluttering around it without a care in the world. She watched. And watched. And watched. . Still nothing. Without looking away, knuckles white from her grip on the ribbon and her free hand cradling her beloved kwami, Marinette walked backwards, gingerly going down her trapdoor and quickly closed it till it was locked shut. . The silence haunted her all night. ~(x)~ "Ma-ri-nette!!!" Instantly, said girl was glomped by her best friend in a hug that would surely asphyxiate a commoner. Thankfully, Marinette was not only Ladybug in disguise but also trained vigorously in many of the martial arts by her dear maman. "Alya! I missed you! How was Morocco with Nino and his family?" Marinette leaned against Alya as the taller of the teens hooked their elbows together, leading them inside the school. "Girllllll I have so many scoops to share, so many deets-" "The million texts and selfies you sent me daily weren't just it?" "They barely scratched the surface! But anyways, it was amazing! I couldn't believe my parents were willing to let me go even when Nora threw a fit haha! I got to relax so much, spent quality time with Nino and his extended family, took so many pictures and tried so many different food. Ah~ Best. Summer. Ever." "Oh the food...I can't believe you shamelessly ate all of that without sharing it with me," The raven-haired girl teased, pushing her hip against Alya's who pushed back without a beat. "You wouldn't be moping if you came along, Mari. Remember the tagine you tried at the local restaurant nearby and you thought that was divine? Lemme tell you, it is nothing compared to the authentic, fresh tagine made by Nino's tante. One taste and I was in heaven. Absolute heaven." "Alya you're making me jealous, I get it, I get it." Marinette playfully scoffed but then her energy soon wore off and fatigue took over her body. Alya was quick to catch the tired girl as soon as she began to sway, perfect brows sculpted in worry as she eyed her best friend. "Marinette...girl...you do not look okay. I'm telling you this 'cos I love you. Go back home and sleep." The brunette brushed Marinette's fringe gently, noting the tired, dark rings under her eyes and the unhealthy paleness of her skin. It was as if Marinette avoided the sun all her life. "I don't wanna..." The stubborn girl whined but didn't fight back when Alya led her to a nearby bench, sitting them both down. "I've been missing you all too much and couldn't wait to see you all again," She admitted, earning a coo from the curvy girl and another hug. Alya's sun-kissed honey skin was a stark contrast against Marinette's pale, porcelain skin. "Alright then but I'll be keeping an eye on you, girl. I can see the effort you put into your cute bun and soft make up. How you do your eyeliner freehand without a guide will always baffle me~" Just as Marinette was about to retort back, the duo were engulfed by a surprise hug from the back. Neither fought back as the familiar laughter and soft, masculine brown arms were registered. "Babe! And dudette! My best girls!" Nino popped his head forward, in between the girls and squished their cheeks against his. "Heyyyy~" He waggled his eyebrows stupidly, his shit eating grin widening when his girlfriend burst out laughing and Marinette following with a quiet giggle. "Nino, g'morning," Alya quickly pecked his lips. To further his dramatics, Nino pretended to swoon and flopped backwards between the girls with a dopey smile. "Finally, a good lundi morning," Nino sighed with exaggeration, his girl still trying her best to stifle her laughter whilst Marinette fondly rolled her eyes at him. "I can now brave through these useless lessons and deal with M. D'Argencourt's bullshit rambles during registration. Oh how amazing the power of lo-oooove truly is!" "Oh yeah, I almost forgot that we won't have Mme. Bustier this year. Was about to say that I was gonna miss her but not gonna lie, she lost all my respect when you got expelled." Alya huffed, pulling Marinette against her like a worried mother hen. "To think that I almost had to spend my last year here without my precious Marinette~" "But Babe! What about me?" "You wish you were as precious as sweetcheeks over here." Alya blew a raspberry at her boyfriend, cheeky grin widening at his dramatics. Marinette on the other hand simply smiled, savouring every moment. The fact that there was a possibility that she would have had to attend a different collège for her final year without her friends made her quiver and she didn't falter in snuggling closer to her best friend. She's been through so much this year. Surely she deserved some sort of happiness. Even if she failed her partner at one point... Right? 'No. You do not deserve anything but pain and suffering you selfish, self-righteous brat. Because of you, how long did your beloved partner go through that hell? How many nights did he spend wide awake after destroying the world? Face it, you don't deserve him or your friends or any sort of love-' The dark, twisted, ugly thoughts and whispers that preyed upon her mind was quick to diminish at the sound of pure sunshine. "You guys! Hey!" Marinette didn't get a chance to look up fully as she and the rest of the small group was tackled by their loving blonde friend in a comfy, sweet hug. Her heart malfunctioned on the spot as all she could smell was the fresh, crisp autumn air that lingered in his soft hair and coat. Her mind rebooted over and over again at the feel of his strong, sturdy arm wrapped around her. Her lips quaked at the feel of his brushing against her cheek despite the gleeful smile he wore. "A-A-Adrien?" The model pulled back slightly to face the stammering girl, lips quirking into a silly but sweet smile. Not thinking twice, he pressed his forehead against Marinette's tenderly, their fringes intermingling with each other and their cool breaths hitting each other's lips. Adrien's eyes sparkled like emeralds and the aspiring designer couldn't help but be mesmerised. "Missed me~?" His nose was touching hers now and his pearly whites gleamed mischievously. Poor Marinette couldn't help but blink, blush already blooming in her cheeks. Dammit. They may have gotten much, much closer yet there were still times that the boy rendered her speechless! What's with the green eyed blonde boys in her life and making her heart a complete wreck?! "B-Bro...can't breathe...I don't wanna die!" Nino's muffled pleas shattered the moment and Adrien immediately broke the hug, snickering at the way Nino gasped for air and clutched a deadpanned Alya. Though, he took a seat besides Marinette and kept an arm around her waist, leaning against her as they watched the couple bicker and banter. "Enjoyed your holidays, Adrien?" Marinette began, playing with the fraying threads of her purse and peeked at him below her lashes. Adrien hummed, sitting up and then directed his gorgeous greens at her. 'Be still, my heart.' Marinette couldn't help but beg. "It was alright. Didn't leave Paris though and had too many photo-shoots. What about you? Didn't you get to go to Shanghai for a week?" Adrien's question almost went unheard as Mari couldn't help but be hyper-aware of the warmth of his hand on her waist. The way his finger casually tapped against it. The innocent smile he had on his lips. This boy was going to be the death of her. 'But you don't deserve him. You don't deserve either of them. Be lucky that they even acknowledge your filthy existence.' The eerie whispers clawed through her brain, her body begging to run away and cry. Yet, she forced her fingers to move away from her purse and pull on the seams of her navy pea-coat, smile never faltering. "Yes, I did. I really enjoyed it there. I wish I got to stay for lo-longer..." She trailed off, swallowing down any babbles or word soup as Adrien squeezed her waist as a gesture of comfort. He was being really sweet today... "I don't blame ya- all the pictures you posted online looked so cool. The skyline at night, the food, heck even your relatives! If I hadn't known better, I'd have thought that cousin of yours was your brother." "You wouldn't be the first to mistaken us as siblings," She giggled. "When we were younger and they came over to Paris to visit, some people used get mixed up between me and him. It didn't help that I had my hair really short at the time and wore nothing but blue and red." "That would have been really cute to see. Hmm, it also makes sense with how easily you accepted that Félix and I were just cousins instead of that weird conspiracy theory that Kim concocted up." "Oh I wouldn't say I accepted it too easily. You and your cousin are like mirrors of each other. It's insane! I thought for a minute that you had an evil twin." Marinette winked merrily, her giggles simply grew while Adrien rolled his eyes at her. "Come on. Not you too." His fake pout didn't last long and he quietly chortled alongside her. Just a smile from his Princesse was enough to brighten up his day despite the small fight he had with Ladybug eight hours prior. Yes, Ladybug was the love of his life. Yes, he would go to the moon and back for her. However, he would be an absolute idiot and horrifically obtuse to deny that his feelings for Marinette weren't as strong. With rare wisdom from his lazy kwami, Adrien learned that having feelings for more than one person was not only natural but also healthy in a way. It showed that he wasn't forever stuck on one person and it eased the pain of his Lady's rejection to his advances. Ladybug and Marinette were his best friends first and foremost and he wouldn't dare to sabotage his precious friendships. It didn't mean he couldn't wish for Ladybug to fall for him one day. Same for Marinette. He's still a silly teen; he could keep dreaming and fantasising! Till then, he was going to go with the flow and see what the future entailed. As far as he was concerned, his future was leaning more towards Marinette and frankly, he did not mind one bit. Abruptly, the morning bell rang, indicating that it was time for the students to head to class for registration. Grunts and groans were heard from the swarm of students in the courtyard, Kim's distinct "It's time for hell, bitches!" being one of the more prominent voices in the crowd along with Alix's curses. "Thank fuck Mari-bee was the class president last year and made sure that we got our class to be the same for this year. I'd have eaten my own hands if I had to deal with that one annoying kid obsessed with magic again." Nino shot a friendly punch against Marinette's shoulder and then wrapped an arm around Alya's waist as she led them to their new classroom. "Did he just indirectly mention that he'd rather have Chloé and Lila over Jean as his classmate?" Marinette huffed with endearment, taking the hand that Adrien offered to help her up. The sudden rush to her head caused her to wobble on the spot. Luckily, Adrien steadied her without a word, hands clasping her forearms. "S-Sorry..." She attempted to step away but the boy's grip on her tightened, halting her. Marinette glanced back at Adrien with confusion, cocking her head to the side slightly and lips pursed. "...you're not feeling well, aren't you?" A nail in the coffin. Adrien scanned her body from head to foot, frown growing deeper. "You can barely stand." "I'm fine. I just...couldn't get any sleep. I was nervous for the first day of school and also didn't want to oversleep." Marinette answered quickly, looking away from him. She didn't expect his finger to hook under her chin, forcing eye contact. For the first time, Adrien glared at her. Glared. He leaned in closer, bending down so that he could reach her height. "Are you lying?" Neither of them budged. The mutterings and chatter from the students that were around grew fainter and fainter until all that was heard was the classroom doors slamming shut and the echos of the teachers doing the register. Marinette wanted to quickly deny the allegation. She wanted to push him aside and run to class. She wanted to forget how she momentarily confused Adrien with her partner. Though, even the Ladybug could run out of luck. "Adrien," She began. "We're going to be late." Her stoic, cool expression showed that she wasn't going to budge, pissing off her friend completely. The model tsked with irritation, quick to grab her hand whilst using his other one to adjust the strap of his bag over his shoulder. He moodily led her to their class, refusing to utter another word. For a split second, the defiance and stubbornness in Marinette's eyes were a hundred percent identical to Ladybug's. He almost blurted out his treasured nickname for her. The annoyance of said stubbornness and refusal to accept his help grew stronger instead, causing him to try and forget about it and brood later on. What's with his treasured girls and their stupid reluctance to let him help!? . He wasn't aware of the horror that was plastered on Marinette's face. The girl refused to tear her eyes away from the main door behind them as a lone, torn up, dirty ribbon flayed in the entrance. A familiar ribbon that was most definitely not there ten seconds ago. When M. Haprèle closed the door, Marinette could have sworn... ...that there was a pair of blue eyes watching her right back. . . . ~(x)~ A/N: That's the end of chapter one! It's more like a prologue ish, slow chapter since we're building up- so bear with me, aight? I hope you enjoyed reading it regardless. I stayed up till 5am to write it after all :0 If this chapter gets at least ten comments, I will update! Till then, see you next time~

[atamascolily]

lily watches fma:b, eps. 58-61

I hate suspense, so I went ahead and read the plot summary for the next few episodes, so I could relax a bit. Unfortunately, there's a lot of plot decisions that elicit a major "WTF?" from me, so we'll see if they work better in context.

so they're using the Gates as transportation portals now?? This is new, isn't it?? or does it only work with people who have already opened gates?? I'm so confused!!

okay, so ling doesn't know how to use alchemy to heal people? but he can sense homunculi because chi? or is this just something everyone in Xing can do? I'M SO CONFUSED.

[he has a stone but neither he nor Greed know how to use it to heal others, I guess?? why not, though?]

Bucaneer calls Olivier a "queen," which is right on!

Greedling is the best thing about this adaptation, full stop

*sings* "It must be nice, must be nice, to have a homunculus on your side..."

that one random woman looks so much like Danta from FMA03 that I just had to shake myself to make sure I wasn't imagining it

Elicia HAS ECLIPSE GLASSES AND IT'S THE CUTEST THING

I don't understand why Hoheneheim counts as a sacrifice - yes, he was present for the opening in Xerxes, but he did not attempt human transmutation himself (even though the portal was centered around him without his knowledge) I feel like intent matters?? iirc, he wasn't consumed and broken down the way Ed and Al were???

He's also now fused with Father in a weird blob that reminds me of Topaz trapping humans in Steven Universe.

I don't know why Hawkeye hasn't managed to shoot the evil doctor in all this close-quarters fighting. And why isn't Roy using flames? We had a demo earlier with the zombies that he can work around his allies without burning them, so... ???

Mustang is ordered to perform human transmutation so the bad guys can have a fifth person to complete their circle (somehow, alchemy always works in fives?) He refuses, but then they say they'll shoot Hawkeye if he doesn't so he caves.

this "gotta get a complete set" seems really sloppy for Team Bad, because the eclipse is like, any minute now. Seems like they're cutting it really close. You think they could have found/persuaded/forced someone into doing it, given how long they've had to work at this. So I'm just like "???" about this.

(the doctor dude also lampshades this, lol)

also, I'm so confused why the doctor claims Roy can bring anyone he wants back - maybe this was FMA03 I'm thinking of, but it seems like you would need some sort of specific connection to a particularl person in order to bring them back that you couldn't just whip out at a moment's notice??

is there any other way to open the gateway besides human transmutation?? And why doesn't the doctor count, since they've made plenty of philosopher's stones (which involve human transmutation, and is why Hohenheim is a sacrifice in the first place)??

okay, hawkeye isn't dead yet, but he's supposed to transmute her anyway? How does that differ from healing? I'M SO CONFUSED.

anyway, pride shows up and eats the annoying doctor and also makes a transmutation circle with his shadows while Bradley pins Mustang to the floor. o...kay. andthen it just...happens?without roy's consent?

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDES

okay, andnow the eclipse is starting, irl they'd have a maximum of 8 minutes at totality to Do The Thing, but who the fuck knows what's happening here since all the characters are UNDERGROUND (how do they even KNOW)

fuck, they're basically raping mustang here since his consent does not matter because pride ate the doctor and the doctor has the knowledge (but that should make him and/or pride the sacrifice, not ROY).

like what the actual fuck

so the doctor gets transmuted, even though he was the one with the relevant knowledge?? I don't get it.

and mustang is automatically transported to be with the other sacrifices - why? how?? how does this even work? is that other circlethey wereusing still active? was it part of pride's set-up for this circle to be dual-purpose?HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

and apparently, it's just one floor below so all they have to do is break the floor??

Roy is blind... but does not physically lose his eyes, which makes NO SENSE, given that Al, Ed and Izumi lost actual physical pieces of themselves.THE FUCK.

ed's like, "this is super fucked up shit, and you don't get to moralize about human nature and hubris if you guys forced him to do this"

pride is basically acting like a kid who had all the time in the world for an assignment and then rushed to complete it at the last possible moment

scar fights bradley, yes FINALLY SOMEBODY KILL THAT DUDE

al's emaciated body is just so heartbreaking, and al's like "no! I can't suddenly move to this incredibly emaciated version of myself before the final battle!" which is actually really smart of him

of course, al's body waits until AFTER his soul leaves to monologue about how al might have just destroyed the entire world. GEE THANKS YOU ASSHOLE.

broussh shows up at the radio station and maria ross is like :????:

Father says the sacrifices are "all in his belly" and we cut to the chimeras on the outside looking at a massive blob - so Father is ALSO a gate???

(ngl: it would make TOTAL SENSE if Father was originally one of the creatures we see when the gate opens, who got pulled into our world by Hohenheim's master... especially since he used Hohenheim's blood? DID HIS MASTER PERFORM HUMAN TRANSMUTATION? WOULDN'T IT BE AWESOME IF WE ACTUALLY GOT SOME ANSWERS??)

(okay, this is my working headcanon now)

May's like "I'M GONNA TAKE 'EM" and I'm like "aww, heck yeah girl!"

it's really appropriate that Scar--Formerly Consumed by Anger--is fighting Wrath, who ordered the Amestrian equivalent of Order 66 on Ishval.

scar put a reconstruction circle on his other arm, how Symbolic

FATHER MAKES A GUN OUT OF HIS OWN BODY WITH EYES AND TEETH

no seriously, what the fuck did I just witness

Al apologizes to Hohenheim in case he hits him when he attacks father, bless that boy

Izumi makes A GIANT FUCKING CROSSBOW, did I mention I love her?

the personal gates of all of the sacrifices open - so they have giant eyes in their stomachs, wtf

father wants to open.. the planet's gate??

(this ties in with the alkahestry and chi, but... what?)

okay, the country-wide transmutation circle activates and everyone dies

Pinako (who knows Hohenheim is involved with this shit): Hohenheim, I'm gonna slug you. AND DAMN WELL YOU SHOULD MA'AM.

then the gates open and Father challenges God to a fistfight

... and God answers??

[apparently God lives in the sun, and only comes out during an eclipse??? looks just like the usual gate-eye-tentacle creature, tho]

okay, so we get our answer as to why an eclipse: male + female, sun + moon, = perfect being = immortality.

apparently there's a rule that all megalomaniacal shounen villains end up looking the same, because Father looks just like Aizen''s final form from Bleach now, except with more eyes.

Father ate God and now he's young and hot and mostly naked again.

He negates alchemy and creates a miniature sun in his hand because he can.

I hope God gives him indigestion or something.

Oh, wait, Hohenheim had a plan after all... THOUGH APPARENTLY 50 MILLION PEOPLE HAD TO DIE FIRST, WAY TO GO THERE

turns out he's been letting bits of his philosopher stone around amestris on his travels so that father would eat them and they'd tear him apart from the inside

... and the circle for the alchemy is the moon's shadow on the earth.

[I don't know if the astronomy actually works out, but it's very nifty nonetheless]

anyway, everybody's soul returns to their bodies, and everyone wakes up. IDK how their bodies handle having been functionally brain dead, but we're just gonna say it all works out, okay?

ooh, and everyone REMEMBERS WHAT JUST HAPPENED so they’re all like “...the fuck??”

scar saves the world by activating the reverse transmutation circle over the center that all the Ishvalans set up during the time skip

instead of blood you just need circles drawn on paper for reconstruction? why did Team Evil go to so much trouble to murder people instead?

father spends this whole fight looking like a very ripped hohenheim in a bathrobe around his waist OMG

pride calls ed his brother and I think this was handled better in 03 with Envy, but w/e. anyway he's going to take over ed's body but kimblee steps in and stops him

(man, this fucker again!!!)

kimblee's like "lol, I just like being a contrary bitch"

pride is reduced to a little baby, which Ed calls "Selim" and puts on his red jacket... okay...

well that was a trip.

cannot fault the manga-ka for ambition and epic scale here, but also: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH.

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Happy Birthday to Me Pt 11

I thought this would be a great time to throw back another jar of wine. I’d almost made it to the tray of Emperor’s Smile when all of a sudden I was lifted BODILY FROM THE FLOOR AND CARRIED TO THE FUCKING STAGE AGAIN. 

DAGE I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL!!! :( :( :( :(

And apparently SangSang had shoved Lan Zhan up there too!?!

“Come on guys,” I said, trying to save us both because Lan Zhan looked positively mortified, “Clearly Lan Zhan doesn’t want to sing again!”

I started to walk off the stage, determined to throw a wrench in whatever scheme those blasted Nie brothers had concocted, but I was too late. 

DaGe stood in my way as that damn song from the end of Grease started playing. That fucking ‘you’re the one that I want’ song.

Y’ALL AIN’T SLICK 

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING YOU ASSHOLES

YOU THINK YOU’RE CLEVER

YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SMART

I kept trying to get off the stage but I think DaGe might qualify as an actual landmass because no matter what direction I tried there he fucking was!!!!

And then

The wind up had finished and the song had gotten to the words. 

And I heard Lan Zhan start to sing. 

In that smooth deep voice of his (Which is nothing like John Travolta but ooooh so much sweeter).

I swear to god I almost passed out when I heard him singing “I’ve got chiiiiils. They’re multiplyin”.

Like HOLY FUCK

IS THAT ALLOWED?

IS THAT ALLOWED????????????

Well of course I had no choice but to join in now! If Lan Zhan wants to sing it with me then that’s what he’s gonna get.

But I decided that if I was gonna suffer, so was everyone else. 

I picked the highest register falsetto screech I could manage. 

‘YOU BETTER SHAPE UP! CUZ I NEED A MAAAAAAAN”

That’s what you get, Nie Brothers. I hope you’re satisfied. 

Dickwads.

Not gonna lie though. 

Once I got over the initial mortification, it was actually kinda amazing. 

I know they threw us up there as like a sort of weird pseudo confession on my part but what it ended up as was a beautiful disaster. 

(So Me in a nutshell)

In the end some of the girls started doing backup vocals for us from the crowd too! You know those parts in between where the background singers just go “Oooh Oooh”.

It was great!

I was exhausted by the time it was over though. We took our bows and I ran off to get the drink I’d been coveting. I wasn’t gonna let anyone stop me this time. 

Taking an entire bottle for myself, I went back to sit and watch the next performers. 

Wen Ning finally worked up the courage (or drank enough wine) to get up on stage himself. And of course he chose one of the absolute BEST karaoke songs ever. Bohemian Rhapsody!

Fuck yeah! You can’t just have karaoke and NOT sing Queen! It’s against the law of parties!

He started off so shy (which worked because the song starts slow anyway) 

But with our encouraging cheers he soon got past that. Soon he was screaming “MAMAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH” into the mike with all the passion his quivering body could muster!

It was amazing.

We all went in like he was singing the greatest performance ever. With lots of whoopings and “SING IT MY BROTHA!” from Wen Qing.

Apparently Lan Xichen took it as a personal challenge and decided to pull out the next obvious must have for karaoke parties and started singing Journey. 

I swear hearing that man rasp out “JUST A CITEH BOI!!” 

This one turned into everyone singing because how can we resist? 

Oh my favorite though had to be when the Nie Brothers went up and started singing “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast.

OH my god that was incredible. 

DaGe got up there with a chair and started sulking while Nie Huaisang chose the track. And Nie Huaisang went along with the perfect LeFou. 

He leaned his elbow on DaGe’s shoulder with this sycophantic pout on his face. 

“Gosh it disturbs me to see you, DaGe, looking so down in the DUMPS”

OH god it was PERFECT. He changed out every single “Gaston” with DaGe. 

And DaGe’s voice was PERFECT as Gaston! Sign the man up for Broadway!

He started that bit about eating raw eggs (gross) and just BELTED out the word “barge” 

Like Fuck. This man had to be taking singing lessons on the sly or something! 

(I’m gonna ask SangSang about it later if I remember. Because he HAS to be taking lessons.)

After that the party started to wind down a bit. After another couple songs I looked over to the cake, thinking about stealing another sliver, and was dismayed to find out how little of it was left!

So while everyone was distracted I snuck over to steal…. Well the rest of it. Haha. 

I hid it in the cafe’s fridge to be wrapped up more… securely later. 

It’s my party. I do what I want. And I wants cake!!!

Fortunately everyone was so worn out as we all started crashing from our party high that no one noticed my temporary absence.

Like a fucking ninja!

Well…. I say I took all of it. 

Evidently I missed a piece. The cakes that Lan Zhan had been holding had somehow never left the chair I’d apparently set them on. 

We discovered this by way of Lan Xichen’s ass. 

Sat square on ‘em. 

Never let this man have alcohol. Just. Don’t do it. 

Well he screamed, which made A-Lian scream, which made Lan Xichen cry. It was a mess. 

And that is the note my birthday party ended on. Lan Xichen started wailing in DaGe’s arms about how he’d ruined Lan Zhan’s cake and how sorry he was. For his part DaGe seemed to be handling it well with some comforting pats and quiet ‘there there”s. 

The kids looked dead on their feet by then anyway so it was probably best to end the celebration anyway. 

I couldn’t have had a more perfect birthday. 

 I watched as everyone started cleaning up. I tried to help a few times and got scolded again, so I just kinda sat there to people-watch instead. 

It wasn’t until the peacock went to get Shijie’s coat that I remembered!!!!

I can’t believe that we almost forgot the most important tradition! 

I launched myself up to her crying that we forgot!!

And Jiang Cheng being himself tried to shame me by saying I was too old, to which I proclaimed that I was absolutely NOT too old. Never too old!

Shijie just giggled at us before giving me my owed kisses. One cheek kiss per year I managed to not die. 

Except she miscounted! I only got 28! I didn’t want to be ungrateful, but birthday kisses are birthday kisses! And if I’m expected to live to 30 I’m gonna need all 29!

I pointed out to her that she still owed me one. 

“I know I know,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes. (And people wonder where I learned it from. Pshh). She pulled a tube of BRIGHT red lipstick that I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen her wear before. She put it on carefully before pulling me in to leave the largest kiss she could on my forehead, no doubt leaving a perfect red kiss mark on it. 

She just laughed at me when I claimed that was cheating.

Cheating at what? Who knows. Still cheating. But she just booped my nose and kept giggling. 

That’s when we noticed A-Ling trying desperately to get her attention with big watery eyes. 

“Aw, A-Ling. Do you want a kiss too?” she asked sweetly, laughing again when he nodded with an even bigger pout. She knelt down to give him just as big a kiss on his cheek, leaving a bright red mark that surely matched mine exactly. 

And then she straightened up to kiss her husband who seemed to be sulking like he wanted one too but wasn’t willing to admit it. Looked like a bright red polkadot on his forehead. Right between the eyes. He looked ridiculous. 

A-Lian’s subsequent kiss was more pink than red at this point as she was slowly running out of lipstick. It was around this point that I felt a bump at the back of my legs. I looked down to see little A-Yuan peering at the display of kissing. His finger was hooked in his mouth, a habit we’re still trying to break him out of, and he looked so shy as he watched. I shifted a bit so Shijie would notice. 

Fortunately she did. I think he might have run away if I’d pointed it out verbally. She crouched next to him with that heart melting smile that only Shijie can do and asked him if he wanted a kiss too. He squeaked a little but nodded anyway and was rewarded with his own pink stamp on his cheek. He giggled and hid his face in my leg. 

She straightened up and the mischievous glint was back in her eye as she focused on Jiang Cheng who seemed to just be milling in the area, pointedly looking out the window rather than at the festival of smooches. 

“You want a kiss too, A-Cheng?” she asked teasingly. He scoffed and claimed he was too old. Clearly it was a ruse because he absolutely did want a kiss but his pride wouldn’t let him accept one easily. 

Too bad for him DaGe had no such issues. He pushed him aside and claimed he’d take it for him then. Shijie laughed then and gave him a nice big kiss on his cheek.

This set off a chain reaction as a rather disgruntled Jiang Cheng was forced further to the side by a still overly excited Lan Xichen who was whining that he wanted a kiss too! DaGe happily obliged, kissing his forehead (Much to Lan Xichen’s quite obvious delight).

Jiang Cheng, to his credit, did his best to look like he wasn’t sulking, but our Shijie can see through us no matter what front we put up. She’s magic like that. 

“You know you want one too, A-Cheng,” she said before snatching him and planting the biggest kiss yet on his cheek before he could manage to squirm away. 

He couldn’t quite disguise how happy this made him. Adorable. 

He’d better be ready for his 28 kisses when it’s his turn this weekend. 

After that it was all hugs and tears (the latter pretty much exclusively from Lan XIchen who seemed to remember his butt was full of cake). I’m pretty sure some people double back for more hugs. And Gamby and Aunty Yi each added to my collection of kisses, each taking a cheek. 

When Jin ZiXuan’s turn came for a second I thought he was actually going to hug me. I was ready to fight for my life, but it wasn’t needed .

“Oh look!” he said instead, “It’s WELL past 10:30 now. Wei Ying! Happy Birthday you dick!”

Cheeky bastard. 

He was immediately slammed by the consequences of this by his son tattling on him to Shijie, claiming his father had said a naughty word. 

I was still laughing as they shuffled out of sight when I got a solid smack on the arm.

Why do people keep hitting me????????????? Whyyyyyyyyyy

“Happy Birthday,” he said, not quite looking me in the face. You can’t expect Jiang Cheng to be sentimental AND make eye contact. Not possible. “Keep in touch, will you?”

I promised I would and pulled him in to one last hug, which he actually let me do without a fuss. 

The Wens were the last group to shuffle out but not before I caught Lan Zhan and A-Yuan sharing a big hug. 

Oh my heart. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

They seemed to be talking to each other about something but I couldn’t catch what either was saying. 

And then they were gone. 

Huaisang left shortly after them after some more birthday wishes and just like that I was alone with Lan Zhan. 

We looked at each other in the dim lights of the Cafe. I could look at him forever.

Once again this man had somehow managed to leave me speechless. Just… Everything he had done for me came washing over me all at once. We moved at the same time, each of us pulling the other in for a tight embrace.  

I thanked him again for giving me the best birthday I’d ever had. And he made my heart freak out again by telling me that I was worth every moment of it. 

I felt him place a kiss on the top of my head after saying that.

Fuck Lan Zhan! Do you want me to hit 30? Because if you keep this up I’ll die before I even get half way through my 29th year!!!

He told me to go upstairs while he locked up the cafe and finished the cleaning that wouldn’t be able to wait for tomorrow. 

[sharinluna]

Chapter 21 Translation Part 3

Chapter 19

Chapter 19.5

Chapter 20

Chapter 21 Translation Part 1

Chapter 21 Translation Part 2

Please keep in mind that this is a very rushed translation and I skipped more parts than I wanted to.

**********************************

Even after I had escaped from Ares’s clutches, my heart was still beating wildly.

“Do you still think you’re ordinary? Like other Evolvers, you will be ostracized, discriminated, persecuted, and in the end, killed. Because you are all EVILs.”

The voice ringing inside my head was scouring away the peaceful illusion to candidly reveal the brutal truth.

Yōurán: What is exactly this EVIL they’re talking about…?

The buzzing from my phone brought me back to where I was. I was standing at a crossroad.

The weather was clear. Sunlight shown brightly among thick clouds, but it wasn’t enough to drive away the frost in my heart.

I started to doubt the world in front of my eyes. Was this world real? or another dream?

Yōurán: Can I go back to how the things used to be?

Back when everything was peaceful and beautiful. Would I never get that warmth back?

Yōurán: If I can’t go back, I have to go forward.

I checked my phone to see a text from Ling Xiao.

Ling Xiao: Because I feel so good today I’ll give you a little advice. Don’t go southeast today.

I looked up and saw the direction I was heading was southeast.

Yōurán: Is he watching me from nearby?

I surveyed the surroundings but couldn’t find him.

Yōurán: How did he know that I was heading southeast…?

Grumbling about why he would send me such cryptic texts, I replied back. When the light turned green, I continued where I was going without an ounce of hesitation.

***********************************************

In another part of Loveland city, many figures were confronting each other in a barren land covered with snow. A young man was surrounded by many but he seemed quite cool about it. He looked at the tense faces of his opponents with a mocking smile.

Just then, his phone rang out lightly, startling everyone except him. With no hurry, he fished out his phone from his pocket and checked the reply. There was only one word. “Thanks.”

It was a simple word but Ling Xiao realized right away that she didn’t believe him one bit.

Ling Xiao: Alas, everything I’ve sad were not lies.

He put his phone back and looked back to the others. Knuckle sounds came out when he flexed his wrists.

Ling Xiao: Time to play, fellows.

At that instant, purple lightening gathered into his palms and gales of wind blew around. The air current became volatile and you could hear the electricity sizzling in the air. Black clouds formed in the sky and everything turned dark like a night. The wrath of the Nature itself made everyone cower in fear.

Ling Xiao: I’ll make it short. I’m running out of time.

His entire form was encircled by lightening as he charged forward. Blood-curdling screams were heard at every second. Soon, he was the only one standing on the ground. With a leering smile he went to the only one who still conscious and bent down to him.

Ling Xiao: Tell me, who sent you? The Special Task Force or…Black Swan?

************************************************************

I noticed that I was being followed. I quickened my steps determined to go where it was crowded. I chanced a look behind as I turned a corner and saw my tail. It was an ordinary-looking man wearing a baseball cap. The only thing not ordinary was the clear malice in his eyes looking at me.

Yōurán: Oh, great…

Quick as a flash someone from behind covered my mouth with something and I couldn’t see anything at all. I tried not to lose consciousness but soon everything became dark.

*********************************************************

??: Are you sure we got the right person?

??: We’ve been following her, she is linked to them…

Their conversation woke me up. I opened my eyes to see that I was in a deserted building.

Mystery Man: You woke up quick.

He was wearing his hood low that I couldn’t see his face.

Yōurán: Who are you? Why did you kidnap me?

I tried to sit up with my wrists tied around my back.

Mystery Man: We already gave you a warning, Miss.

Yōurán: Warning?

Mystery Man: It seems that your memories are poor, EVIL.

I thought back to the crimson words on the computer screen yesterday. So it wasn’t just some prank. And these were the guys who manipulated the online opinions!

Yōurán: Who the hell are you?!

Mystery Man: We are those who are trying to save the world that you Evolvers are trying to destroy.

He bent down close to me.

Mystery Man: Don’t try lying to me. Are you the “Queen”?

I tried to answer back as nonchalantly as possible.

Yōurán: What Queen? I’m not a queen of anything. I think you got the wrong person.

Mystery Man: You’re nervous.

He slowly stood up again.

Mystery Man: But it doesn’t matter if you’re really Queen or not. If we say you are, then you are.

Yōurán: But… what is your reason for doing this?

Mystery Man: Be patient, Queen. Soon you’ll know everything.

He laughed cruelly.

Mystery Man: Then… all of you EVILS will die.

His words had a sense of déjà vu…. I looked down so he wouldn’t see my eyes widen in shock.

This was the guy from my vision from yesterday! And likely he is the one behind the explosion!

Why would he do this? What would he gain from causing an explosion and blaming it on Evolvers? I knew what the answer was but couldn’t face the horrendous truth.

I had to get out of here. I kept struggling with my wrists until my fingers landed on a cold metal. It was Helios’s knife. Thank god that I had remembered to keep it with me before I left the house. Trying not to slice my skin, I discreetly started to cut the ropes.

Just then, a pebble dropped next to me out of nowhere. I looked up and the sudden light made me squint to see who it was. His silver hair shown in the light. Stealthily he slid down a rope and landed on the ground with speed.

Helios…. I called out his name in my head. He glanced at me with a subtle smile.

Helios: Found you.

The lighthearted way he said those words, and the way he faintly smiled at me made me think that he was glad to see me. But soon he regained his cold exterior.

Mystery man: Who are you?! How did you get in here!?

They surrounded him and pointed their weapons at them.

Helios: Shut up.

Helios said as he kicked the man who had been charging towards him with annoyance.

Yōurán: Be careful!

I shouted. But he had already dodged the next attack. He was so fast that his moves were a blur. He dodged every attack and landed his own with grace and strength. It was like watching a silver moonlight dancing in flowing moves. I sat there dazed, unable to avert my eyes from him.

It took him only fifteen minutes to take down the last one. After the fight was done he slowly walked towards me.

Yōurán: He…

Even before I could finish calling his name he brushed past me and continued to walk away from me.

Yōurán: Wait…!

I felt baffled that he would ignore me completely like this. Helios looked behind me with disinterest in his eyes.

Helios: What is it?

Yōurán: Could you… perhaps… untie me lose…?

I tried to look pitifully at him as I gestured toward my wrists.

Helios: Hm? But they almost seem undone.

Yōurán: Yes, but…

Helios: You’ve been working on it. There doesn’t seem any need for me to step in.

Yōurán: But…

I kept wrestling with the rope, but couldn’t find the final stroke that would loosen the ties. And the bodies around me were making me nervous.

Yōurán: Could you please help me while you are at it?

I added emphasis on “while you are at it”. There was a slight grin in his face as he watched me with his arms crossed.

Helios: Why should help you “while I am at it”?

Yōurán: Well… I don’t know why you came here, but you seem to be against them, right? It might not sit well for your plan if they manage to capture me again…

I tried desperately to persuade him.

Yōurán: Please… I’ve only been dragged into this.

Helios: All right.

I don’t know what convinced him, but Helios agreed to help me. He came close to me and bent down. Suddenly I could gaze into his grey-blue eyes. Clear and transparent like ice.

Helios: Give me the knife.

The close proximity dazzled me and I found myself unable to move or say anything. With a low chuckle Helios took the knife from my hands and with a few swift moves the ropes binding my wrists were gone.

Yōurán: Thank you.

I replied as I massaged my wrists to make the blood flow again.

Helios gently stroked the knife with his fingers. His eyes seemed to have become a little gentler.

Helios: This is a good knife.

He gave the knife back into my hands. Taken aback, I took the knife and after a bit of hesitation, handed it back to him. I wanted to give it back to the owner.

Yōurán: Take it, it was yours anyway- I mean, you can have it if you want.

Helios: I don’t except bribes without reason.

With that curt reply, he turned around and started to walk away. Not wanting to part with him just yet, I gathered myself and quickly followed him.

Yōurán: Do you know what they were about to do back there? Are they Evolvers or not? Why are they looking for Queen?

Helios: You ask too many questions.

And it seemed like he wasn’t about to answer any of them.

Yōurán: I’m an Evolver too. So I need to know-

Helios: So what?

His callous words made me freeze midsentence.

Helios: Do you think Evols are a good thing?

There was taunting in his voice. I couldn’t understand the meaning behind his question so I asked back.

Yōurán: Then, do you think Evols are a bad thing? My father always said to me that they were just people who are a little bit different. That they were the same as everyone else. So I can’t understand why some Evolvers would want to get rid of non-Evolvers. And I can’t understand why non-Evolvers would hate Evolvers as well.

Helios stayed silent and continued to walk on.

Helios: Maybe you’re right. But human nature is complicated.

When he reached the end of the corridor he opened the exit door and walked outside. But I couldn’t follow him as I was weighed down with what he said.

Was my father wrong? Were my thoughts too naïve and idealistic?

Sunlight could be seen outside the door but I couldn’t feel any light. As I stood still, I suddenly saw a flash of light speeding towards me. I instinctively held out my arm to shield the attack.

Helios: What are you doing?!

Helios had already struck the strange man into unconsciousness. I looked at Helios who had crushed his attacker so quickly.

His icy gaze held inordinate amount of fury as he glared at me which was unusual for his overall apathetic behavior.

Helios: Did you think you could stop the knife with bare hands?!

Yōurán: Uh, no… not exactly…

I whispered feebly.

Helios: I warned you before to stop acting so reckless!

His anger seemed to have got the better of him and he grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside. I was suddenly struck at how his hands were similar to someone I used to know.

Yōurán: Are you really not K….

I couldn’t finish the question. Why did I suddenly feel the need to mention that name to him?

Helios: It stops now.

Helios finally let go of my wrist.

Yōurán: …..Helios.

He looked at me.

Yōurán: Will things get better? What are your reasons for coming here?

Helios: If I tell you, what can you do about it?

Yōurán: At least I’m…

Helios: It seems that you can’t accept yourself that you’re powerless.

I was trapped in a little cage he made with his body against the wall. The cruelty in his face crumbled the last of my shields.

Helios: The weak should learn to survive on their own. No one will help them.

I wanted to contradict him but the words wouldn’t come out. I bit my lower lips trying not cry.

Yōurán: I don’t want to remain helpless either.

I forced myself to look straight into his eyes.

Yōurán: I don’t want to be kept sheltered as the others protect me. I don’t want to be kept in the dark when the people I care about are hurt or gone. I’m trying to become better and stronger, but…

I couldn’t continue. My willpower seemed so insignificant and was about to be overwhelmed by massive waves of despair and misery.

Helios: Then become stronger.

He wasn’t taunting me anymore. Instead he was talking to me clearly and sincerely.

Helios: Do everything you can, by fair means or foul. Give up everything in your past… even yourself. If you can’t do that, then go back to the world you came from.

For the last time, he turned around and walked away from me, this time without looking back.

I sagged to the ground and let the tears fall.

Could I risk everything, abandon everything I have inside me to become strong enough to protect the loved ones?

I felt like I was in a bottomless pit without any light or a way out. I was completely alone in this world, forsaken and forgotten. The feelings of solitude were enough to suffocate me.

Yōurán: Should I really let it all go away?

If I give up on the beautiful memories of the past, would they disappear? Could I never get them back? I continued to sit there until my hands and feet were frozen when the phone rang.

Yōurán: …Hello?

Ling Xiao: It’s only been a day since we parted and you already sound terrible. I guess my hunches were right this time too.

I thought of his message to not go southeast.

Yōurán: Did you know what was going to happen?

Ling Xiao: I want to say yes but… frankly I’m not that omniscient.

Yōurán: I don’t know what I should do from here…

I hung my head low and my voice shook.

Yōurán: Is there nothing I can do to make everyone’s memories return? I don’t know what’s the right thing to do…

Ling Xiao didn’t respond right away.

Ling Xiao: I can’t give you an answer. Only you, the Queen, can change the world. You can do everything you put your mind to. It is in your powers to make the world you want. You can turn everything into chaos, or even end the world right now if you would choose to do so.

Yōurán: I would never want that in my life!

Ling Xiao: You don’t have to feel the need to deny it, I’m not interested anyway. But there’s no time for you to sit and wallow in despair. I’m looking forward to what kind of future you – the one and only Queen in the universe - will bring into this world.

***********************************************************

Next day I was browsing through my phone in my room when I saw this news.

“Rumors spread that the Riverside bridge explosion were done by people with superpowers. The show <Miracle Finder> has been receiving threats and hatred because it’s a show about superpowers. A lot of angry mobs are demoing outside of the producing company.”

Yōurán: How did it spread so quickly?

It took only 30 hours until whispers from a small internet website grew into massive protest demonstrations. Things were becoming worse faster than I anticipated.

I hurried to get to my company right away.

The protesters were banging their fists against the locked entrance. The people inside – my people – were trapped and at their mercy.

I called the police and looked for a way past the angry mob.

Yōurán: Please be safe… Anna, Kiki, Willow, Minor…

Mob A: I know that woman! She works in here!

A shrill shout sent waves of disrupt among the mob. I looked to where they were pointing and my heart sank.

Yōurán: Kiki!

Kiki was being confronted by swarms of protesters. She looked so small and helpless against them. I watched her fall hard onto the floor as someone pushed her. That seemed to be a switch that turned everyone violent. They all crowded around her to assault her.

Yōurán: Where is the police… what’s taking them so long…?!

I bit my lips hard.

Yōurán: There’s no other way around!

Taking a deep breath, I charged in. I pushed and struggled past the crowd blocking my way and managed to reach Kiki.

Kiki: You are…

Yōurán: Hurry!

I helped her stand up and lead her towards the entrance. That was the only safe place at the moment. I heard Kiki crying softly. It took a lot of effort, but I succeeded in pushing her inside the building.

Kiki: Be careful!

Her warning came too late. I already lost my balance and fell to the floor. The crowds gathered around me now. Their faces were full of animalistic contempt, but I couldn’t find the man who was behind all this. I’m sure he was lurking in the shadows after he made these people into his puppets to do his deeds. The thought sent waves of revulsion in my veins.

Mobs: You monsters…!!!

I covered my head and waited for the blow to come.

Then, everything stopped and went quiet. I looked up.

Victor was pushing his way through the crowds. I stared at him, wondering why he would come here.

Victor: Do you think you can walk?

Yōurán: Victor…

I whispered his name.

Victor: Are you in shock?

He bent down to examine my face.

Yōurán: No, I’m fine!

I hurriedly tried to stand up.

Yōurán: !!!

The sharp pain from my sprained ankle almost made me fall back down. Thankfully, Victor grabbed me from falling. He looked at my injured leg.

Victor: Did you sprain your ankle?

Yōurán: It’s nothing, just give me your arm and I can walk-

With a slight tsk he lifted me up and my feet were dangling in the air. It was like the first time we met 17 years ago when he saved me from getting hit by a car. Snows were suspended in midair in the halted time as he walked to his car carrying me in his arms.

Maybe he didn’t remember me, maybe I was nothing to him at all. But my heart still continued to flutter in the same way around him.

The car door was left open, showing how quickly he got off to reach me.

Victor: Get in.

I slowly sat in the passenger seat. Victor closed the car door for me.

Yōurán: Why did you come here?

Victor: I was in the neighborhood.

He replied curtly and asked me sternly.

Victor: Why were you there? To protest?

Yōurán: No, not to protest, I…

Victor: Did you want to become a hero and save people?

His matter-of-fact accuse stung and I hung my head down.

Radio: LFG is going to invest in buying the share of HBS. Is this groundwork for adventuring to American markets? Financial specialists say…

I banged my head into a window in my hurry to look at him. Victor was looking at me very strangely but I didn’t care. I was too busy dealing with what I heard on the radio.

Yōurán: HBS… why… did LFG really decide to invest in HBS?

Victor frowned and I realized that what I asked was rude.

Victor: You got a problem with that?

Yōurán: Why would you-

I stopped talking. Victor forgot everything about me. He didn’t remember the time when HBS set up an elaborate trap to attack me. He didn’t know that Black Swan was behind HBS. He probably didn’t even know what Black Swan was. After choosing my words carefully, I finally asked him.

Yōurán: Have you ever heard of an organization called Black Swan?

Victor: Just tell me directly what you want to say.

Yōurán: Black Swan is behind HBS. It is a dangerous and controversial organization. Could you think again about investing in there?

Victor: The decision’s already been made by the board members a month ago.

I opened my mouth to argue but was interrupted by the turmoil outside.

*******************************************************************

Yōurán: Maybe this is all my fault?

Victor: What fault?

Once it started, it was difficult not to fall into the trap of relentless self-reproach.

My fault for existing at all.

My fault for changing the future.

My fault for coming back alive.

My fault for failing to stop this.

My fault for being unable to do anything as destructions happened right in front of my eyes...!!!

Victor: Stop it!

His shout stopped me from spiraling down into the pit deeper. He grabbed my arms firmly and made me look at him.

His words made me calm and cool-headed. I couldn’t afford to forever continue feeling sorry for myself.

Yōurán: I’m sorry…

I took a deep breath and looked up at him.

Yōurán: My Evol is precognition. I can foresee the future. I saw many deaths and calamities. Some of them already happened, others not yet. But even though I know what’s going to happen, I am powerless to stop it.

Victor: …I don’t know what you went through. But if what you say is true, someone very powerful must be behind all the disasters and they have been preparing this for a long time.

Victor: They have nothing to do with you. And you are not obligated to put a stop to this.

Yōurán: But it has to be stopped, and I can’t just do nothing! If I were smarter, or stronger I…

I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

Yōurán: If someone else had the same powers, they would have been able stop it!

Victor: There is no point in making assumptions like that.

Yōurán: I know. It is useless to think about might-have-beens. But I still think about it… I’m an idiot, right?

Victor: Yes, you are.

Victor: But it is still in your powers to stop it. There is no time for regretting the past.

There was no ridicule nor criticism in his words, just the plain truth.

Yōurán: If my choices can change the future, I can stop it from happening. But if I choose wrong, something far worse may happen. What is the right choice? Should I change the future or let it be and conform to it?

This time Victor didn’t answer right away.

Victor: Don’t you already have an answer to that?

Yōurán: Do you think I’ll succeed, then?

Victor: No one knows.

He smiled faintly and his voice turned soft.

Victor: But I hope you can.

I blinked. Finally, I felt like I could smile again.

Yōurán: Thank you, I will.

I vowed that I would not hesitate or think about failure. Whatever choice I made, I could deal with the outcome. I will do everything I can to find out the truth, stop the catastrophes, and solve everything.

Not just because this was my responsibility and duty as Queen, but because I want to with all my heart. I will give everything I have to save everyone in this world.

Until the sun shines again.

Until we meet again under the stars.

Until I can finally say to them: “Hello. My name is Yōurán. I came back.”

*****************************************************************

Snow seemed to be never-ending in this year’s winter. A man looked down at the white city with a faint smile.

Zhuo Yi: What a beautiful, cold, endless winter….

***************************************************************

Chapter 19: You thought you were dating the guys happily but that was a fake and you’re stuck freezing in eternal winter.

Chapter 20: All the boys don’t remember you and they are not the ones you used to know and love.

Chapter 21: You sacrificed your life to save the world and now you’re stuck in this world where Evolvers and Non-evolvers are fighting each other.

Zhuo Yi: What a beautiful winter world!

Me: SHUT UP!!

If Evolvers are a metaphor of the minority in this batch of chapters, then the feud between Evolvers and Non-evolvers are not totally unrelated to real-life conflicts between different various groups.

My father always said to me that Evolvers were just people who are a little bit different. That they were the same as everyone else.

This time, MC’s fighting for peace, for harmony, for inherent rights of the people and intrinsic values of life, and for equality.

I know that translation’s more wacky in this one, but please give me some encouraging words. I’m a complete wreck. Why did I even start this...

[jiangchengrights]

safe

also available on ao3

“You know, I never thought I’d get this,” She is very nearly asleep when her brain decides it would be a good idea to bring this up. Her face is pressed sloppily against Lan Zhan’s thigh, covered in soft, worn sweats that Wei Wuxian might be drooling onto just a tad. It doesn’t matter; they’re at home anyways, sitting comfortably tangled on their couch.

“Hm?” Lan Zhan hums, questioning and when Wei Wuxian looks up at her from where she’s pillowed in the taller girl’s lap, she sees an eyebrow raised, a smile quirked up on the left side of her mouth. She must think Wei Wuxian means her, specifically, which is not wrong in and of itself but they’ve had that conversation before. Wei Ying did not believe she could have me? Lan Zhan had asked, eyes wide as she hovered over Wei Wuxian on they’re bed, Have always liked Wei Ying, everyone knew this. And Wei Wuxian had squawked, trying to sound offended but she was too happy, laughing and rolling around as much as she could under Lan Zhan’s gentle weight, pressing her into their sheets, Well I obviously didn’t know that! And Lan Zhan had been all fond smiles, rubbing her nose along Wei Wuxian’s jaw like a great big cat and murmured, Mn. Wei Ying is oblivious, but I am here now to take care of her.

But that is a different conversation entirely. something a little lighter, happier, funnier in retrospect, than this one that has festered inside Wei Wuxian for well over ten years. And suddenly, she regrets bringing it up, turns herself full bodied until her face is smushed into Lan Zhan’s stomach, safe. Lan Zhan let’s her hide there for a few seconds, petting her hair smoothly as she does. But then, when her time is up, Lan Zhan digs her fingers into Wei Wuxian’s arm, just a little on the side of painful and drags her back. Not out of her lap entirely, because Lan Zhan wants her there as much as Wei Wuxian wants to be there, likes knowing Wei Wuxian is warm and well in her arms. But enough to unobscure Wei Wuxian’s face

“Ow, Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian squeals, rubbing the spot on her arm like she is in the utmost pain, though they both know it didn’t hurt, not really.

“Tell me, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan demands, her voice firm, eyes tight, but she keeps stroking a hand down Wei Wuxian’s back, consistent. Present.

“So mean to me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian pouts, staring up at Lan Zhan with wide, puppy dog eyes that plead let’s stop talking about this, let me have my own way.

But Lan Zhan knows her better than anyone else, knows she wouldn’t have brought it up unless it was actually bothering her, knows she needs a little push sometimes, to get going. They work together like that; Wei Wuxian falling into old habits, building up walls that she herself doesn’t even like and Lan Zhan there, present and a little mean and Wei Wuxian always falls asleep

“But?” Lan Zhan prompts, when Wei Wuxian is quiet for too long, digging her nails into the soft skin of Wei Wuxian’s back, smiling when she feels the shiver under her fingertips.

“But,” Wei Wuxian nods, crinkling Lan Zhan’s sweats as she does, “But this was always...forbidden. Not in a sexy way! In a bad way, I guess.”

“You guess?” Lan Zhan asks, resuming gentle strokes to her skin.

“It’s just. When I was growing up, Madam Yu used to talk about, about people like us a lot. Never, she never directed it at me but it was there and I was around to listen,” Wei Wuxian begins again, feeling tight all over, hunched and compressed, like she’s trying to bury herself in Lan Zhan entirely, “How they were bad, how she felt sorry for their parents, their families must be so ashamed to have them.”

Lan Zhan makes another noise at this, angry, but this time her fingers don’t waver into something mean, they simply press firm into Wei Wuxian’s skin, grounding, “She is wrong.”

“I know she is, I know that now,” Wei Wuxian agrees, moving closer to wrap her arms awkwardly around Lan Zhan’s waist, “But I didn’t then. And it didn’t always feel like a problem, either, not when I was really little. So I just let it build and build in my chest, taking it all in, remembering.

“And then I went through puberty,” Wei Wuxian laughs, a wet little thing, nothing like the boisterous cries of happiness she usually belts out, no, this is something quiet and sad and still a little hurt, “God, Lan Zhan. I’d have dreams about women and wake up crying. And I’d think why me. There were so many other things wrong with me, why did this have to be one of them too.

“I’d pray to the gods, y’know, the men to take this away, to relieve me of my curse,” she can’t look Lan Zhan in the eye, feels too raw, to bare, so she plays with the thread of Lan Zhan’s shirt, twists it in her fingers, “And then, when the curse wasn’t lifted, I’d ask them to just let me die. I’d had enough of the torment, I got their message, it was time to let all of this end.”

Lan Zhan’s fingers tighten around her now, not to be mean or to help, but like she’s scared of the mere thought. She tugs Wei Wuxian in even closer, pulls her tight against her body and hovers over her like she might be able to protect her from every bad thought she’s ever had and says, soft, wet, “Wei Ying.”

“And then, secretly,” Wei Wuxian begins again, speaking into Lan Zhan’s abdomen, “I’d pray to the women. I’d ask Tara and Guanyin to make everything better, to make it okay to want this, to have mercy on me and just let me be okay.

“They never answered, either,” Wei Wuxian says and then stops to think, “Or maybe they did. I’m here with you now, after all.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan agrees, sounding tight in her throat but her hands stay loose, careful, against Wei Wuxian.

“When I calmed down, after a few months of crying myself awake and scrubbing my skin, my mind, I thought you know what? I can work with this. I was never meant to be one of those people just bursting with happiness anyway, you know, that kind of joy was never meant for me,” she explains, slipping her hand under the fabric of Lan Zhan’s shirt to feel the warm skin underneath, smiling at Lan Zhan’s noise of protest against her words, “So I figured, I can just be with a man, it won’t be that hard.

“I mean plenty of men have long hair now, and shave their facial hair, and, and I like big hands,” at this Lan Zhan places one of her own big hands on Wei Wuxian’s back, spreading it warm and wide and heavy across the valley between Wei Wuxian’s shoulder blades, “So, aesthetically, really I could make it work. And I did that for a while; let men touch me how they wanted, tried to find a nice one that wouldn’t get too attached but would treat me well all the same. And the sex wasn’t. It wasn’t good and I was never satisfied but I figured, maybe that’s just sex y’know? Maybe it’s just like that for certain people.”

It might well be like that, but not for Wei Wuxian, not now anyways. She shivers when Lan Zhan scratches her neck, happy. Sex has never been like that with Lan Zhan. Ever. “I wasn’t happy but I wasn’t unhappy either, I really thought if I just put enough effort into other aspects of my life I could find a way to be at least 70% happy and hey that’s passing.”

And she was; she had friends and family, she cried when Jin Ling was born and made every excuse in the world to visit them, she went to parties and read books and followed her passions and maybe all of those things combined made the fact that she went home to a man in her bed okay.

“By the time that faded, it felt like I was already too late,” she sighs and tucks her forehead against Lan Zhan, “I had missed my opportunity to not know what I was doing, I should’ve just accepted it in high school and been awkward and fumbling with some other fifteen year old. I should’ve learned then. Now, I was just some twenty-something virgin in all the ways that matter, too scared to swipe right on a girl’s profile much less actually touch or be touched by one. No, I had missed my chance and now I really had to just accept what life gave me.

“And then, there you were, ruining everything I had worked so hard to carefully cultivate,” Wei Wuxian laughs and pretends there aren’t tears glazing over her eyes, “And I couldn’t have you, knew it wasn’t right and even if it was, you would never want someone like me.”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan warns, in that same tone she uses when she thinks she needs to remind Wei Ying that she belongs to her. A tone that says, Wei Ying you are mine. Will want Wei Ying forever. Wei Wuxian basks in it, preens under her gaze.

“I know, I know,” she shushes, “But that’s what I thought. So I figured, if I couldn’t have you I could at least, leave an impression, leave my mark on you somehow. And that is why I spent an entire year absolutely terrorizing you.”

And she had; she’d followed Lan Zhan around, yelled her name as loud as she could no matter the setting, but her shoulder, grabbed her stuff, teased her relentlessly until even she was tired of herself. But she had to because she could never have Lan Zhan. To let herself slip away, unseen by those golden eyes made her feel like her chest was filled with cold fire, licking its way up her throat.

“Wei Ying was a menace,” Lan Zhan agrees, going back to petting her hair, “But I did not mind.”

“Lan Zhan, it’s okay, I could see that you did even at the time,” she laughs, continuing, “Even Jiang Cheng noticed; he yelled at me, asking me why I kept doing this even though it was clear neither of us wanted to be friends with each other. I couldn’t explain that to him though, of course. I couldn’t explain any of it.”

And she couldn’t; she’d tried before the words always got stuck in her mouth, always choked her. Besides, she’d already decided she was never going to be with a woman anyways, why cause that kind of trouble?

“And then you kissed me,” Wei Wuxian whispers, turning finally in Lan Zhan’s lap so that she can look up at her face. Lan Zhan’s face is blank, emotionless, but her eyes are sad, sad enough that Wei Wuxian brings one hand up to cradle her cheek, rubbing soothing circles into the skin there, “You kissed me and how could I ever say no to you when you were all I’ve ever wanted?”

Lan Zhan nods, leaning into Wei Wuxian’s hand, letting herself be soothed and soothing in return, “Could never say no to Wei Ying either.”

“I know, love,” Wei Wuxian smiles and then grimaces with what she is going to say next, “Madam Yu once, I don’t think she meant it really, it was so off handed but...”

She trails off and this time Lan Zhan let’s her because she is not hiding, simply collecting herself. When she begins again her voice is soft, cracked, “I was being a brat, trying to push limits. Madam Yu was complaining about someone at work for being, for being gay, and I said ‘Oh yeah? What if I turned out gay and brought home a girlfriend? I was trying to be belligerent, you see, to get a reaction, but maybe, maybe I was also just saying it to see. Madam Yu didn’t like that though; she said she’d keep me in the family to keep up appearances but she would never, never love me or my partner the way she loved Shijie and A-Cheng and Jin Zixuan. Said I would be a disgrace not worth looking at. And that silenced me for a while.

“I was so afraid of losing my whole family, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian says, only realizing she’s crying when one of Lan Zhan’s fingertips moves to brush them away, “And maybe I did lose Madam Yu but maybe she never loved me that much in the first place. But I think, I think Shijie and A-Cheng still love me, Lan Zhan, I think they do.”

“Yanli-Jie and Jiang Cheng love you very much, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan confirms, steady and comforting, “Of course they do because there is nothing wrong with Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, it didn’t feel that way for so long,” Wei Wuxian let’s herself cry, let’s herself wet Lan Zhan’s t shirt until the other girl gathers her up, sitting Wei Wuxian in her lap so she can wrap tight arms around her waist. It is the perfect spot to bury her head in Lan Zhan’s shoulder, “I just can’t believe, sometimes, that I get to be this happy. When I see you asleep in our bed I feel like my chest is cracked open with it, every day, Lan Zhan, just seeing you has me giddy every day.”

“It is the same for me, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, scratching her nails against Wei Wuxian’s scalp, “I did not have the same upbringing but seeing you fills me with the same amount of joy. I love you, Wei Ying.”

“I love you too, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian sighs, sinking into the body beneath her, “You make everything better.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan says and then lets her stay like that for a while, safe in her arms.

[theuntamednarrator]

#3 for Story! (MDZS getting to know u asks)

questions from here

Bring back Jin Zixuan. Kill Jiang Cheng.

You can bring one character back to life, but you must pick someone else to die in their place. Would you do it? How would this effect the story?

Okay so I already brought back Cangse Sanren for a happy ending let's try for something a little more devastating. I am in the mood to hurt myself emotionally. Sorry friend, I don’t know if this is what you wanted.

JZX rushes off as per canon but this time JYL with her canon my-WWX-spidey-senses-tingling grabs JC's arm and asks him to go with her husband because she has a bad feeling

JZX is waiting with JC and JYL for WWX's arrival at JinLinTai, which is where JGY finds them after ugly cousin takes off with the Lan  and Jin disciples

JZX and JC arrive at Qiongqi Path just as UC and WWX are about to come blows

This time, when WN moves to strike, JC is close enough to act

He throws himself in front of the blow meant for JZX

JC gets JZX’s final words “a-jie is, is still, waiting for you”

JZX catches him as he collapses and it’s the Nightless City JLY-dying scene except with JZX as JC and JC as JYL. Also JZX doesn’t push WWX

◇◇◇

First way it goes is that the rest of the plot goes pretty much as it did in canon except JC is not at Nightless City so LWJ has nobody but himself to hate if WWX still goes over the cliff which he absolutely does if JYL somehow still manages to make it to Nightless City and dies

JGY still needs to find a way to kill off JZX so probably makes sure that happens at Nightless City as well (unless JZX has to stay alive in this hypothetical, in which case JGY probably pulls a post-canon LWJ where his older brother is SL but in such deep mourning that he takes over as acting Sect Leader and Chief Cultivator)

Jin Ling is raised entirely by the Jin and is therefore 50% more diplomatic and 90% more miserable

Without JC and with Lotus Pier still recovering it’s laughably easy for JGS and JGY to absorb Yunmeng Jiang into Lanling Jin’s territories

Their next sect leader is the closest thing to an heir that Lotus Pier has afterall!

There’s a lot more territory to go around and JGY could frankly use the help so MXY is treated very well and never feels the need to reenact the Yiling Patriarch to exact revenge

Possibly JGY marries MXY to a Jiang/Meishan Yu/Baling disciple and sends his brother to Lotus Pier as his proxy

NHS’s alternative revenge plot is betrayed, he is either executed or exiled and JGY seizes Qinghe Nie as compensation for their sect leader's treachery

LWJ stumbles across Yi City and the mess that is XY while going where the chaos is. He rescues a-Qing and XXC

This is a lot harder without the groundwork exposing all of JGY’s crimes and in the end they’re not successful

LWJ confronts LXC with his suspicions about JGY based on some things XY said beforehe died

LXC looks at what’s happening and decides they need to confront JGY

JGY locks LXC up the same way Qingfeng-jun locked up Madam Lan, which LXC agrees to provided JGY promises not to hurt LWJ

LWJ takes LSZ and LJY and flees, meeting up with XXC and a-Qing near Yi City

The five of them retire to Baixue Temple and start the orphanage/cultivation school songxiao dreamed of (SL will join them later)

They watch helplessly from afar while JGY governs the united sects

◇◇◇

Second way it goes is that WWX is so distraught over killing JC that he lashes out like he does against the minor cultivators outside Nightless City

Everyone within a hundred metres is pinned to the ground and slowly suffocating while WWX sobs over JC’s body

WN tries to get him to leave but WWX screams at him to go away “what should I do now? what should I tell my sister?”

WN goes back to Burial Mounds to get WQ in the hopes that she will be able to help

This is not a happy ending

Meanwhile LXC, LWJ, and JGY come looking for their disciples and stumble upon the scene

LWJ and LXC manage to dispel the resentful energy with xiao/guqin and in the process discover SS and the evidence of the hundred holes curse on him

From JZX they hear about how UC was attacking WWX and WWX was defending himself and lost control

Happy ending would be everyone realising that SS and JGY had planned the ambush and confronting him before it escalates

JGY realises this and has to think quickly. He announces that SS must be in league with WWX. He pulls an NHS and yells for LXC to lookout! and LXC stabs SS, who looks very betrayed for three seconds before he dies

WWX allows himself to be restrained but just laughs when they demand a lock on his spiritual power because there’s nothing to lock (he doesn’t have to worry anymore about revealing the core transfer because JC is dead and can’t find out)

Everyone is horrified but ofc JGY is just like “well but what about the stygian tiget amulet? that’s more powerful than a core you should hand it over.”

WWX agrees to give it to LXC. JGY eventually convinces LXC to give it to him to study

JYL collapses in grief when her brothers are brought in, one is chains, the other in a shroud

LWJ goes to the cell where WWX is being held and begs him to let him help but WWX is lost in his grief and tells him to “piss off”

LWJ leaves and goes to the Burial Mounds where he rescues not only a-Yuan but all the other Wen remnants as well. He takes them to Yunmeng since - with all the chaos over JC’s death - no one is likely to notice twenty civilians showing up out of nowhere

While he’s away there’s a trial and the Jin demand that WN and WQ surrender themselves as well. Much as in canon they announce that they’ve killed the three demonic scourges

LWJ loses it and nearly kills JGS, JGY, JZX, and a bunch of other people at the conference

He still gets the lashes and three years seclusion

By the time LWJ emerges from seclusion the Jin have taken over Yunmeng in Jiang Yanli’s name as Young Madam Jin. Granny and Fourth Uncle are worried about discovery so Lan Wangji takes on a-Yuan as a disciple except he’s much older now and the war is long over which means questions. He pulls it off with LXC’s help but it’s a close call

By the time NMJ dies and NHS hatches his revenge plot the Jin are far more powerful than in canon. Jin Guangyao has, by then, managed to bump off UC, JZX, and JGS

JGY has tried using threats against JYL and WQ to make WWX help with their experiments but he refuses

He doesn’t really need much help though since he has the amulet and XY

They probably end up killing WWX and WQ around the time JGY and XY successfully create their first fierce corpse OR they leave them locked up below JinLinTai for a decade and a half

If they live, NHS’s revenge plot basically relies on him and MXY somehow breaking WWX out of the cells while LWJ is around to find him and be pulled into the investigation

If they die, the resurrection and post-resurrection go pretty much as per canon except after the second siege of the Burial Mounds they go to Cloud Recesses not Lotus Pier, since Lotus Pier is occupied territory

This is also not a happy ending but less unhappy than the first one

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 16

Work continues to drive me crazy, so of course I make my life more complicated by getting online classes set up for the fall. That, and I kinda don’t want to see our babies learn about Hughes. Blissful ignorance, am I right? *sigh* Onwards with Brotherhood.

Do we have captions this time? We do! Awesome, it was so irritating last time not knowing if I was mangling names or not. We’ve got the second intro featuring the Xing contingent, curious how influential it’ll be having a foreign prince bopping along with the Elrics. (Also, I continue to be juvenile and giggle at one of the lyrics in the new song being “shite”. Hee.) We open up with a bird's-eye view of Central, then with Ed yawning at the train station. Al mentions that being spied on for hours is pretty tiring. Right, Ling’s ninja squad don’t trust the Elrics. But where’s the Prince? The Ninjas proceed to freak the heck out, Fu runs around the traintops calling out for the young lord as Lan Fan worries about him collapsing. Is Ling fainting a common thing, then? Ed just shrugs his shoulders at the absence of the freeloader and heads off with Al and Winry. Huh, music’s getting ominous. Oh, there he is, doing a Brooding Anime Rooftop Stare on the station’s clock tower, looking towards the center of the city. [Ling]: “Something about this country doesn’t feel right.” Well, the current speculation (backed by the freaking Fuhrer being a Goth!) is that they’re sacrificing people to make Philosopher’s Stones, so… don’t know much about Xing so can’t say if they’re any better, but it’d be pretty hard for them to be worse. Episode 16 - “Footsteps of a Comrade-in-Arms” In a run-down area of the city, a car stops and the blond-haired smoking guy (Havoc?) of Roy’s crew is checking in with the grey-haired member (I’ll get their names some day, I swear), dropping off food from the colonel. Oh, guess Grey’s been guarding Barry, who cheerfully recognizes “the smokin’ guy”. Not tied up and playing chess? Are they keeping him prisoner to try and get more info or more protecting their only source? Well, I suppose for a serial killer like Barry being kept inside at night and denied any chances to chop someone up would be uncomfortable. Still, Grey’s bored with the assignment, asks how much longer it’ll be. Havoc just says that Roy apologizes for the dangerous assignment, that Grey’s absence it being treated as sick leave… and if he’s seen in public by anyone he’ll get court-martialed. Yikes, ok then. No breaks for poor Grey. Any good news? [Havoc]: “Falman, I found myself a girlfriend!” ...well that’s nice and all for you, buddy, but I think Falman (thank you!) was looking for good news for him. Poor, poor Falman. Hey, it’s Ling! Taking another impromptu nap? A couple of cops are asking if he’s ok, he whispers about food… ah, trying for another free meal? Unfortunately for Ling, the cops less interested in feeding him and more interested in seeing his entry visa. Cue irritated cops dragging a crying Prince away. [Cop 1]: “Outta the way, everyone!” [Cop 2]: “Illegal alien coming through!” The Ninjas continue to freak over the absent master, while Ed says that they should stop by the military offices. Winry… decides to go straight to the Hughes’ house. Oh boy. [Winry]: “I can’t wait to see Miss Gracia and cute little Elicia!” Uuuuuugh. Make it stooooop. The Brothers are off to meet up with Hughes himself, while they think Hughes might have been stymied by Bradley’s orders to stand down they have info on the Homunculi now (and still don’t know the Fuhrer himself is one, gah!). Off to the court-martial office! Quiet somber music as the brothers run through the park. And right by the phone booth that Hughes was murdered in. Bleh this episode is not going easy. In the office, Sheska’s carrying around some books when another lady officer asks for a key to Room #3. Which freaks Sheska out, and she babbles about cleaning up the mess first? What, have you made that your private reading lair or something? Nope, not your lair it seems, but Colonel Mustang’s private napping chamber. Yikes, hope you had an alarm set, and it only wasn’t Sheska waking you that kept you from being late to a freaking Council Meeting. Wait, Council? I don’t think I’ve heard of that group before, I’m just assuming by the tendency for Anime Councils to be Big Deals that it’s the same in the FMA universe. The highest-ranking officers of the military? Sheska worries that Roy’s not getting enough sleep, he just waves her off and goes to the meeting. Staying up late doing research on the conspiracy, I gue- GAH new voice! Sheska freaks and identifies them as Captain Focker, who asks about the open storeroom and what Roy was doing. Uh oh, a watcher sent by Bradley? Double uh oh, in her concern for Roy’s state Sheska is telling Focker about how he seems to be researching the Fifth Laboratory. And the Hughes case. Bleeeeeh, more Hughes feels as Sheska gets sad about her getting her job through Hughes. Captain Focker walks away deep in thought, glasses obscuring his eyes. Uh oh. But then the looks up in surpr- That’s Captain Focker! Oh my Leto, that’s the real Captain Focker! Real Focker’s too busy looking at some piece of paper to notice a shapechange and red electricity as Envy takes on a new disguise. Shapeshifters: A security nightmare.

But it looks like Envy might have made a mistake, as Real!Focker’s now saying good morning to Sheska, who is rightly confused. A simple “Laugh at this clueless character” moment, or a break for the good guys? Roy’s washing up in a bathroom for this Council Meeting, takes a moment to stare mournfully into the mirror- until with a flush of a toilet his angsting is interrupted by The Mighty Armstrong, glinting manfully in his bandages while towering over the stall door. Hah! Armstrong remarks that Roy looks a bit peakish, who asks why Armstrong is bandaged. Oh right, Armstrong was involved in killing all of Greed’s human-chimera crew down South. He mentions that he ran into the Elrics down there, on their visit to their old teacher. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell them about Hughes. Armstrong makes his way out- [Roy]: “The Fifth Laboratory and the Philosopher’s Stone; the Stone’s key ingredients are live humans.” Armstrong comes to a halt. Roy continues about how Hughes died following up on the Elric brothers’ investigation, and how if/when they find out they’ll blame themselves. He says Armstrong not telling them was kind, and Armstrong compliments him on figuring out so much. But warns him that he never knows who might be listening. Riza’s waiting out in the hallway when Ed walks up and says hi, although he’s not as happy when Roy joins them. Oh yeah, Elric didn’t know about Roy’s promotion. Now if he’s hanging out in Central it’ll be the same place as good old Colonel Mustang. The sarcasm in Ed’s “Great” is astounding. As for the Elrics, they’re just doing some information gathering. And might pay Hughes a visit later in the day. Where is he, anyway? Roy… says that Hughes retired. Went out to the country with his family to run the family business. Really, dude? I get that it’s a sore subject, but the “he went out to the farm” excuse only works for so long. They deserve to know what happened. Well, with the false story the boys think that they should tell Winry, they spin around only to run into Lieutenant Ross. She asks about the rush, Ed mentions that they heard about Hughes… and Ross isn’t in on the “tell them the farm story” excuse. Oh boy. Uuuugh, the two conversations sliding right past each other here is painful! And here’s the kicker: [Al]: “He retired to the country and they promoted him?” Ross realises she did a no-no, covers her mouth to keep from saying anything else. And Ed realizes the truth. Mid-episode cards: Captain Focker with an Envy silhouette behind him, and a downcast Gracia Hughes on the second. Notable for both Narrator “Full-Metal Alchemists” being the sad, somber one. Out in the city, Winry’s shopping for apples, presumably to give to the Hughes’ family. And Ed races out of the building after hearing the new. [Lt. Ross]: “Brigadier General Hughes is dead… He was murdered shortly after you were discharged from the hospital, Edward. I’m afraid we still haven’t found the person responsible.” As he runs and cries, Ed blames himself for pulling Hughes into the investigation. Flashes of Happy Hughes and his family, a memory of Hughes seeing them off at the train station and inviting them to drop by again, hosting dinner, first meeting them and inviting them to his home… Al catches up with the suitcase and then stands there silently as Ed slumps against the wall. And now we’re with Winry, who’s arriving at the apartment. The door swings open- [Elicia]: “Daddy?!” Oh no, that’s fine. I didn’t need that heart anyway, go ahead and use it as a footrest show. The Elrics have arrived at the apartment building, when Al asks what they should do Ed tells him to go back, that he’s “the only one who has to take the blame for what happened.” Oh my Leto kid you have enough self-imposed guilt from Mama Elric and Nina, stop taking the weight of the world on your shoulders! Al argues that it’s on both of them, and double all my protests that Ed does not deserve this for his little brother as well. Ed tries to dissuade Al again- [Al]: “We made up our minds; We said we were getting our bodies back, no matter what. But if people are going to die because of that… then I don’t want mine back.”

Freaking A, Al. I cannot overstate how much damn respect I feel for you right now. You are a poor boy, trapped in a cold metal body from a horrible accident. Getting your body back has been your driving purpose, along with healing your brother. But when you discovered that the cost of making a Philosopher’s Stone was human sacrifice, you discarded the method. And when you discover that a friend has died in the process of helping your investigation, you are fully prepared to renounce your goal in order to protect others. I salute your selflessness. Gracia opens the door, and gives the Elrics the same sad smile that she gave Winry, telling the brothers that Winry’s already arrived. The mechanic’s sitting quietly in a chair with Elicia curled in her lap, she looks up with Ed quietly enters. Ed then asks to talk to Gracia and Winry about Maes. The quiet sad theme starts playing as Gracia recaps the Elrics’ message; that Hughes looked into the Philosopher’s Stone, and was killed as a warning against the brothers. Gracia looks down at sleeping Elicia, as Ed bows his head in grief and gasps out “sorry” again and again. [Gracia]: “That would be just like him, dying while trying to help someone else.” The Trio look up in surprise. [Gracia]: “My husband. He always was a busybody and a meddler, and it got him into trouble. A lot. But you know… I don’t think he ever had regrets. Not any… not even in his dying moments, Edward.” So many people to respect in this episode, seriously. Al being prepared to give up on getting his body back, and Gracia insisting that they can’t give up, or else Hughes died in vain. With a little smile, even. Forget about the dead end of the Stone, there still might be another way. [Gracia]: “You boys have to keep moving forward… any way you can.” The door closes as the Trio exit the apartment, Ed turns to look at the others- [Elicia]: “Mommy?... Mommy, please don’t cry.” ...damn you, show. Later in the day now, the sun is setting as the Trio walk through the streets to a sweeping cello melody. The Elrics see Winry to a hotel room, and then go to their own. Right, because they… used to stay at the Hughes’ residence. Winry’s quietly resting on her bed, Al’s sitting in the living room, and Ed’s downstairs in the restaurant too upset to eat. Now he’s knocking on Winry’s door, asking if she’s eaten yet, and she should hurry because the dining room is closing soon. The parallels are strong here: when they were children the Rockbell’s fed the Elrics, and now Ed’s trying to make sure Winry keeps up her strength now. When Winry doesn’t make a move Ed excuses himself to his room, but Winry grabs his automail hand. Aw, aw no. She still has the basket of apples she was planning to take to the Hughes’ family. Seems she was planning to make apple pie. And had hoped that Mr. Hughes would get to try some too. Winry cries as the screen fades to black. WOW OK talk about rough transitions, we’ve got Chimeras in cages. And eff you it’s the Goths, Lust leaning on Gluttony as she talks with still-disguised Envy. Now they know that Roy’s been looking into the matter, and may have found some things out. Lust gripes that they orchestrated Roy’s move to Central to keep a closer eye on him, and it’d be a waste to lose an important sacrifice candidate. Wait… [Envy]: “Haven’t been able to learn anything from your new boyfriend?” Aw hell no, I’d thought that Havoc gushing about having a girlfriend was just a little joke at the beginning of the episode, like a running gag about his relationships or something. You’re telling me Lust is playing Havoc? Run dude, run! Lust goes off to gather more info, calls for Gluttony like a loyal little attack dog. Envy chides Gluttony for leaving some bones scattered around… but then gets an idea. Uh oh, we’ve got string music as Envy suggests making another “play”, giving Roy a bone to chew. What are you up to? We’re at what appears to be a cafeteria now, when someone comes up and taps Lieutenant Ross on the shoulder, introducing himself as Henry Douglas from the Provost Marshal’s office. Flanked by goons, he says that Ross has to come along with them, and demands her gun? Wait, is Ross being arrested? Brosh, where the heck are you, come defend your partner! Whoa whoa what?! They’re accusing Ross for Hughes’ murder?! What the heck, how can you make that claim? What evidence do you have for that absurd claim? Besides… well, besides the shapeshifter accosting Hughes in the phone booth while looking like you… uh oh. Riza is updating Roy on the situation, saying that Ross (man, there are a lot of R-characters involved in this case, huh?) is pleading not-guilty on all charges. The Flame Alchemist just tells Riza to gather all the info on the suspect that she can, secretly. Dramatic string music continues as we see Havoc buying some flowers and then running along to his “hot date”, stubbing out his cigarette as yup, “Solaris” is Lust. Who demurely asks Havoc to sit down and tell her about his day. AAAAAAARGH! Ok then! Was putting off this episode because I knew there would be Feels about Hughes, and damn if it didn’t deliver. But like Gracia said, they can’t let Hughes’ death be in vain, and they can hardly just give up and let the killer go free. Speaking of, framing Ross? As if I didn’t have enough reasons to hate you jerks, Goths! Ugh, this is gonna get complicated, isn’t it?

[marquisoforder]

Mister Fahrenheit.

.

“I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit.”

- Don’t stop me now.

Queen

.

It was sheer luck that Magnus heard the doorbell over the deafening den of the party.

To be quite honest, he didn’t really have a reason to throw a party all of a sudden but with the news of everything happening in the world, the Mundane illness and the rumors of rogue vigilante Shadowhunters, he felt that he needed a little pick me up. Everybody needed a pick me up during these times. A little escape from the grimness of the real world. And when the word got out, swarms of Downworlders had come, each with lines of frustration, fear and uncertainty etched on to their faces; lines that disappeared once two shots of fairy gin went down and the upbeat rock music brought the now loosened limbs to the dance floor. And the influx of the guests did not cease. They kept coming in packs and twos and individually; vamps, werewolves, fairies, a couple of warlocks and one or two disgruntled mundanes who had been swept in with the crowd.

Magnus opened the door for the hundredth time that night, expecting another random face he remembered from some rave or another but couldn’t quite place, and stopped mid motion, the face staring up at him bringing back a flood of emotions and memories.

“Hello dah-ling!” The man with the mustache smiled, a quick, self-conscious flash of teeth that disappeared as soon as it came.

“Freddie,” Magnus breathed. “Freddie fucking Mercury. It has been so long.”

The man nodded but flinched visibly when the loud song playing in the party came to a louder end, enabling cheers from the throng of drunk downworlders inside.

“Come on in,” Magnus pulled him in by the hand and absent mindedly noticed how it felt a little different, a little thinner, perhaps?

“It sure is loud in here!” Magnus could faintly hear Freddie yelling as he dragged him through the throbbing crowd of swaying bodies, towards the bar in the corner of the room.

“It’s to drown the wailing of the damned.” Magnus grinned as they reached the bar and grabbed a couple of seats for them. The bartender, a fairy with shiny silver hair and striking lilac eyes (no whites at all) winked at Magnus before pouring both of them some dangerously shiny and equally slimy fairy drink that Magnus had no intentions of drinking. He left the drink alone and turned his full attention on the mundane in front of him, staring at the shiny green drink as if it had done him some personal wrong.

“What brings you here, Freddie?” Magnus smiled, laying a hand on his arm. “Surely the news of my little rave didn’t reach you all the way across the pond in England!”

“I was actually in the area,” Freddie replied, a faraway look in his eyes. “I wanted to see you. To talk to you about something. Didn’t expect to walk into a fucking rave at one A.M on a Wednesday night.”

There was a certain bitterness to his voice that made Magnus snap into sharp attention. It wasn’t ordinary for Freddie to be bitter. Sarcastic, yes. A little biting? Sure. But bitter? That was something entirely new for Freddie Mercury.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Magnus asked gently, in the tone of a man trying to sooth a child. Freddie seemed to notice the change as a line on his forehead disappeared as he turned around to look Magnus in the eye.

“FREDDIE MERCURY?”

The Mundie was so loud his voice was almost heard over the sound of the amplified music. In any case it was loud enough to draw the attention of the crowd nearby. They descended on the celebrity like a bunch of starved paparazzi, asking for autographs, touching his jacket sleeve, (fairies. No consideration for personal space.) clamoring for a song and just generally yelling to get his attention.

Freddie looked half dead as he stared at Magnus for one long moment, but as he turned back to face the crowd of fans his countenance underwent a complete change. His eyes lit up with an energy that was hard to fake and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards into a smirk that dripped confidence.

It was like watching someone cast a glamor over themselves. A mask being pulled over the true visage. A curtain of bright happiness closing over a tragedy on stage.

Freddie stood up and beamed, talking to some people and signing things for others. Voices yelled and begged for a song. The dance floor gradually emptied as everyone gravitated towards the attraction of the night. Magnus felt the first light grasps of an oncoming headache.

“Freddie, give us a song!”

“Mr. Mercury can you sign my T shirt?”

“Sing something!”

“Freddie!”

“Freddie Mercury!”

“Freddie!”

The young performer turned to Magnus and nodded. It was all the initiative he needed to wave his bejeweled hand in a sweeping motion. He watched with disinterest as the familiar blue sparks flew and a grand piano appeared on an elevated stage in the middle of the dance floor. Freddie made his way to the beauty with a light spring in his step and ran a teasing hand over the keyboard before settling down. He hesitated for a moment before his fingers started the complicated dance across the keyboard, and a familiar tune filled the air.

“Tonight I’m gonna have myself, a real good time…” The hauntingly beautiful voice rang out and the bodies all around Magnus started swaying to the rhythm, almost as if an enchantment had been casted over all of them. Then again Magnus supposed Freddie’s voice was a magic of its own kind.

The tune picked up the pace and Magnus watched in fascination as Freddie’s long skillful fingers waltzed across the piano keys, the movement every bit as feverish as the gleam in his eyes. Magnus knew something was wrong. He felt it in his bones as he watched the young man perform, effortlessly exuding waves of uncontained enthusiasm that seemed to make the very air around him drunk. When Magnus let his body move to the rhythm it was like setting a bird free. His heart beat in his throat as his body found an output to all the frustration, pent up feelings and foreboding he had felt in the past weeks.

So he danced, hips swaying to the rhythm as he just let go. He had acquired an eager partner from the crowd though he had no idea how she came to be in his arms. Yet it was relieving. To be in the arms of a stranger, without a care in the world about what has happened or might happen. For that infinite moment, Magnus was Mr. Fahrenheit, with all the reckless abandon of a shooting star and the chaotic energy of a racing car passing by.

When the song came to its soothing end, made even softer by Freddie’s pensive voice, Magnus felt tears prick at his eyes. He did not know why, but everyone in the room seemed to be frozen in place, as if a prophet had revealed a dark and lovely Truth that left them entranced.

Freddie got up and bowed. The room erupted in cheers. But Freddie payed no mind as he made his direct way to Magnus and grabbed his hand.

“Come with me,” He said and dragged the dazed warlock towards the bedroom. His feverish eyes shone with a desperation that Magnus had seen before countless times on many faces.

It was a drowning man’s last cry for help.

Realization dawned on Magnus with the brutal force of a thousand meteors. Even as he was pulled into the room and the door closed behind them, he knew what Freddie was going to say.

“I’ve got it. The sickness. AIDS.” The blow was no less gentle after all the time Magnus had heard those words. “But you can make it better right, Magnus?” That was always the hardest. He couldn’t. He couldn’t make it better. The Angel knows he had tried. But there was a limit to what he could do in healing magic. Even Catarina, who was adept at healing had not figured out way to cure this demented illness. It was akin to a curse in its cruelty. And no man or warlock alive could make it better.

“Magnus?” The man pleaded, his eyes big and luminous on his face. “Please you have to!”

Magnus sat down on his bed, helpless, sad and bitter. It wasn’t fair. He had helplessly watched innocent men and women die and he had to watch yet another friend succumb to that terrible, wasting disease.

“Freddie, I’m sorry...” He spoke softly, as one would do when they take away a man’s last hope at life. “I cannot cure you. It is beyond my abilities.”

He watched as Hope drained out of Freddie’s face, leaving a trail of anger, desperation and frustration that finally turned into defeated acceptance. It was hard for Magnus to watch. Here was a man once so full of life he had brought stadiums full of people to their feet dancing with nothing but his voice. This was a man who had danced the night away with Magnus in countless parties, a man he had shared stories, sorrows and drunken kisses with. He was Freddie. And he was dying. But there was nothing Magnus could do.

So he did the only thing he could do; something so small and trivial in the face of what he wished he could do. He got up and walked over to the hunching man and engulfed him in a hug. As if on cue Freddie broke down in deep sobs that shook his frame and left him wheezing.

They stood there, the man and the warlock, in each other’s arms, buried deep in thoughts about how the other deserved so much better than what life gave them. And they stayed like that, in an embrace they both dreaded might be their last, for a long long time.

.

@shinyun--jung oh wait, did I forget to mention the Freddie fic was angst?

[taotrooper]

Reasons to live and die for

AO3 link Title: Reasons to live and die for Fandom: Mo Dao Zu Shi Characters: Wen Ning, Wei Wuxian Genre/tags: Gen, friendship, introspection, character study of sorts, banter Summary:  Post-canon and novel spoilers up to Exiled’s translation. After that long honeymoon and returning to the Cloud Recesses, Wei Wuxian decides to visit Wen Ning to see how he's faring, and what he wants from the future. It turns out that Wen Ning's conclusions about life and death and love weren't so different to his own. Notes: Written for my sweet boy’s birthday. For @modaozushi‘s prompt: choices. I feel WWX and WN’s relationship is quite underrated even in canon, so I wanted to fix it a bit into something that shows how much both of them have grown during the book and how they could still overcome the previous master-servant awkwardness and their individual sadness as well.

"Even if I'm not a natural part of it," Wen Ning began, "life is beautiful. Don't you agree?"

"Yeah."

"So I wish to enjoy the time I have left as much as I can. I cannot change what I've done, I cannot atone for all my sins, and neither can you, but I think it's alright... to feel selfish and want to exist and be loved. To see the sunrise or hear the crickets. To feel the rush of adventure. To look forward to smiles and laughter and hugs. It's alright. Even if my heart doesn't beat, it still feels those blessings."

Wei Wuxian blinked.

"If I may be so bold, doesn't young master feel the same?"

It wasn't hard to find the modest wooden cabin at the foot of the mountain, barely hidden in the shade of the forest. Following Sizhui's directions, Wei Wuxian managed to navigate across a lagoon of trees, green canopies allowing shining rays of light to shimmer above his dark hair. Crickets and birds sang around him, and they was the only sounds his boots interrupted.

As he reached the place, a strong feeling of nostalgia filled him. That shabby little hut looked exactly like the ones back in the Burial Mound. Not like it was a surprise, as a good part of them were built by Wen Ning himself. He had followed the suggestions of the rest of his family, of which none of them knew a thing about architecture. Just a rooftop and walls to cover against the weather and possible corpse attacks. Those were the luxuries they could afford.

The fact his friend had even built a place was a pleasant surprise, in fact. Sizhui had told him he hid in a damp cave at first, not unlike Wei Wuxian back in the day. Maybe he was bored and wanted to make something. Maybe the cave was inhabited by bears or some other beast. Regardless, this was a good thing.

Before he knocked on the misshaped plank that could be called a door, it swung open and his eyes found an ashen face receiving him. By instinct, he jumped two steps back.

"Young master Wei!" While his expression hadn't changed, his voice expressed joy.

"Hey! It's been a while, Wen Ning," he smiled.

"Yes. A-Ah... Please come in..."

The man moved to let the other pass inside. The interior actually had more things than Wei Wuxian expected. A large bed and some cushions and mats to sit. A solid table, and on it there was a lamp and candles, despite the fact Wen Ning could see in the dark. A big wooden chest that stood against the wall.

"Please sit," Wen Ning said, his fingers straightening his shirt. "Would you like some tea? I have leaves for black tea, your favorite type."

That's when Wei Wuxian saw the makeshift kitchen in the farthest corner. Inside the half-open cupboard, there was an old teapot and several cheap cups and dishes. There was a large jar of water, half full.

"Sure," he replied. "You're treating your visits well, huh?"

"Um, I try." Shyly, he moved and got the teapot out.

The reason for that house and all those basic commodities, of course, had become obvious. They were not for Wen Ning's sake, but for the boys'. A place to hang out with the junior disciples when they weren't night hunting. A bed when any of them was wounded or had to stay for the night. Just in case they were needed.

"I would've liked some wine better, but I doubt you can afford it," Wei Wuxian joked while his friend filled the container with clear spring water. "Let me help, I have a fire talisman."

Both of them stared at the fire while the teapot simmered. Wen Ning shook his head.

"Even if I had money, I wouldn't buy wine," he carefully replied. "The boys are too young for that, and young master Wei drinks too much."

Wei Wuxian glared at him. "Okay, one: no, they're not. I had alcohol for the first time when I was fourteen, almost fifteen." It was Wen Ning's turn to frown at him. "Two: I've seen some of them drinking in secret! Don't let them fool you. You'll be so popular if you sneak booze for them. Three: I do not! I'm fine!!"

"For now. It slowly destroys your liver," Wen Ning retorted. "Studies prove it."

"And spicy food will destroy my digestive system. I know." He had heard the same speech from Wen Qing's mouth for months, and it was just as annoying.

"You just got a body and you have to take a better care of it," Wen Ning said, now with a sad tone.

"I've done worse things to it, what's one more thing?" A shameless grin was on his lips. He doubted Mo Xuanyu would mind about a slowly poisoned liver more than the stab on his stomach or the frequent wounds or the intense love making. "In any case, I'll probably drink less for the time being. Have you heard?"

"I've heard a lot of stories about young masters Wei and Lan's adventures, but I can't say I know what you mean." Wen Ning took the then hot teapot and one cup to the table. Wei Wuxian noticed he wasn't holding it by the handle. They sat down on two mats and he watched the fierce corpse put the leaves in the cup and serve. They let it soak.

"What a coincidence! We've also heard about you and the kids plenty! Three night hunts, huh?"

If Wen Ning could blush, he was sure he would be after that comment.

"I... see. Regardless, what brings you to Gusu? Is there anything you wanted to hunt? I could give you a hand if you need it so... Ah, but maybe I'd get in the way of you two..."

Wei Wuxian chuckled.

"Don't fret so much! Nah, that's what I was going to tell you. I'm not here for a night hunt. We're staying in the Cloud Recesses for the time being."

"Wait, really?" Wen Ning's jaw dropped. "But Senior Teacher Lan..."

"He missed Lan Zhan so much that he reluctantly allowed me in. I don't think he'll remove that stupid new rule about talking to me soon, but no one's going to obey that one anyway."

"When did you come back?"

"Three days ago. Lan Zhan is busy helping out with clan stuff, so I'm incredibly bored and I asked Sizhui about your location. I figured you'll be bored as well."

"It's relaxing by myself, but I'm honored you decided to visit me." Wei Wuxian mentally called bullshit. As much of an introvert Wen Ning was, he knew he was happier surrounded with his closest people. The same could be said about Lan Wangji. Even Jiang Cheng back then and Jin Ling nowadays, in his opinion. Wei Ying always ended up winning the affections of people with low social activity somehow.

"I would've come sooner but we were dragged into a family banquet just as soon as we got here."

"Ooh, that sounds so nice!" Wen Ning forced a kind smile that wasn't fake.

"It wasn't," Wei Wuxian shook his head. "It tasted as bland to me as it would probably taste to your dead tongue. I remember your sect's over-the-top banquets from that archery competition, and let me tell you: you wouldn't have called that dinner a Banquet at all either!"

"...Oh."

"It's alright, I just had delicious food delivered later, in private." Wei Wuxian sipped his tea. Not bad, not bad. Could use some snacks, but he wasn't going to push it on Wen Ning's limited hospitality.

He glanced at his former servant again. His dark clothes were brand new, no longer the rags he had been wearing the last time they saw each other, three months before. The hole in his chest was gone, too. The boys had a hand on it, surely. He could see some holes sewn, as if Wen Ning had teared it apart during their fights and had it fixed. One of the boys' hand too, perhaps: fingers of a corpse would have a hard time holding needles.

"Wen Ning." The sound of the long teacup clanging on the table echoed through the shack.

"Young master Wei?"

"What are you doing?" Wei Wuxian's question was said with a serious stare, no smile on his lips.

"Young master Wei..." he looked down, avoiding his eyes.

"It's not my place, but I worry you're revolving your existence over one person once again. Don't replace me with Sizhui, Wen Ning."

"I'm not!!" Wen Ning shouted. His hands curled into fists and hit the table, thankfully just a touch that wouldn't break it.

Wei Wuxian just stared in silence, allowing his friend to get upset.

"Not anymore. At first... perhaps I did... He was like sunshine in the darkness." Wen Ning finally admitted.

He gave him more time to sort himself out and drank more tea.

"While Sizhui and the others are back at home, I've had time to think. About being alive, about what I want to do, about whether I deserve this chance or not."

"That's good. So, what's your conclusion?"

"I think I have the same reason to live than you, young master..."

"Ha?" Unless Wen Ning had suddenly gotten a gorgeous bride or groom, he honestly doubted it.

"Let me show you. Do you mind if we walk around?"

Wei Wuxian agreed, his curiosity piqued. The trip out of the woods was annoyingly silent while he waited for Wen Ning to speak again. It didn't happen until they were past the exit, standing on a plain with tall grass caressed by the wind. The sky was clear and the same hue of blue as the embroidery of clouds on the Lans' uniforms and ribbons.

"Even if I'm not a natural part of it," Wen Ning began, "life is beautiful. Don't you agree?"

"Yeah."

"So I wish to enjoy the time I have left as much as I can. I cannot change what I've done, I cannot atone for all my sins, and neither can you, but I think it's alright... to feel selfish and want to exist and be loved. To see the sunrise or hear the crickets. To feel the rush of adventure. To look forward to smiles and laughter and hugs. It's alright. Even if my heart doesn't beat, it still feels those blessings."

Wei Wuxian blinked.

"If I may be so bold, doesn't young master feel the same?"

With a tug in his heart, Wei Ying remembered the first day in his new body. How much fun he had when he shocked the Mo family and the Lan juniors, his time wandering at that village. And despite the bad moments, living remained fun for the next days, for the next months. He agreed and nodded with a cackle. Yes, life could be wonderful by itself.

The fact Wen Ning, so taciturn and melancholy, also reached that point of view even with his limitations could only be good. Maybe bringing him back wasn't so bad, after all.

"Of course, I do feel more alive when I spend time with A-Yuan and young master Jingyi and young master Jin and everyone else. And I do want to do everything for them and protect him with my life. That's not all there is to it, though." His eyes smiled where his lips couldn't. "However, yes, I do think that after losing all my family, my main reason is being with those I love when possible. I'll have no regrets when I finally leave this world if I'm allowed to stay with them, and young master Wei too, for as long as I can. Also... I never found night hunts fun when I was alive, but now I look forward to them so much it hurts."

"That I can understand," Wei Wuxian beamed. "Night hunts are better with people you love."

"Is that so?"

"I mean, I've always loved them but it's true. Jiang Ch—" he stopped, not wanting those memories of happy times to resurface. "Anyway, not limited to cultivation partners. Family hunts are awesome, too."

"Sizhui and the others would love to go with you, too. Uh, so do I..."

"I'd love to!" He felt tenderness when he thought about the brats. Yi City with them had been relatively amusing. "Old man Qiren will have a heart attack, but I'm in. Hanguang-jun will be there as well." He probably should ask if it was okay to drag his husband to that, if Wen Ning would mind, if Lan Zhan would mind. But Wei Wuxian wasn't the kind of person who asked for permission. "The kids are fun to be around and so easy to tease."

"Young master Wei, don't tease them so much..."

"They need to learn how to deal with teasing. You know what's sad, Wen Ning? We're adults, but our the rest of our friends and allies are teenagers! We should probably fix that."

"I don't mind much."

"Haha! They are way better than our generation, aren't they?"

They kept walking towards the foot of the mountain, where the long road back to the Cloud Recesses stretched upwards.

"What do you mean with the 'rest of our friends', by the way?" Wen Ning asked.

"Let's see. Lan Zhan is my friend but he's also my lover and husband so I guess that's not really just a friendship anymore."

"I suppose not?"

"And then there's you and me! So, the rest of my friends is everyone else."

The range of emotion a fierce corpse with years of rigor mortis had was next to null, but Wei Wuxian could tell the ones Wen Ning was feeling as clear as day. Incredulity, relief, affection, joy. Not unlike the first time they had met and he had defended his archery skills, perhaps. They had gone through so much together, and yet Wei Ying hadn't realized until that moment how important Wen Ning's silent presence was to him. He didn't treat him as well as he deserved, and he had to work hard on improving that so the other would accept they weren't master and servant anymore, but equals.

"Take care of yourself, Wen Ning," he said with his hands on the man's stiff shoulders. "I'll visit more often, okay?"

"You mean when you're bored, the boys are in class, and young master Lan is too busy to, uh, do things with you?"

"Stop calling me and my sex life out!" He punched Wen Ning's shoulder, with no reaction. "But... yeah, pretty much."

"That's good enough for me, thank you." Wen Ning's lips lifted up as much as they could.

"Ah, and don't sacrifice yourself for the boys, okay?"

"..."

"Yeah, sure, I get it!" Gods if he got it. Most of his two lives were consequences from his constant sacrifices to help people out. "I'd probably die for them in a heartbeat too, especially Jin Ling. And Sizhui, he's my son now—"

"Actually—"

"Shush. By marrying his father I've been promoted from Brother Xian to Dad." He ignored the skeptic reaction, just as he ignored the fact Sizhui had never called him that way. "And you know what, Jingyi isn't related directly to me but fuck it, I'd die for him too. And Ouyang Zizhen, he defended me from a mob. And— I'm losing my point. Listen, let me give you an advice because I just learned this lesson the hard way."

"...What is it?"

"Be less reckless. Avoid dying. For all the cultivation world would love it, you leave behind the ones who love you. You want to stay with them and they want to stay with you. And even when that's no longer the case, and paths separate, new people to love will be here with you. No one is going to think your second death is enough redemption anyway, you know. So! Don't make Sizhui cry, you hear?"

"I'll try... Did your relationship with young master Lan teach you that?"

"In big part. I sure don't want him to mourn me again so soon! But he's not the only one who missed me, was he?"

Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian looked at each other in the eye.

"He wasn't."

Wei Wuxian leaned and rubbed Wen Ning's hard back. He thought about making a comment about how while he didn't cry when he thought Wen Ning and Wen Qing had been burned, he did start to lose his mind from that point. But that wasn't precisely nice to hear, and the other man likely could feel his pent-up anger and loss of control from whenever he had been locked in. Feeling awkward, he finished the short hug with a couple of pats.

"See you around, then! I'll bring my own wine and snacks next time!" he beamed.

"See you around, young master. And don't die either!"

"I sure won't. This pig has cabbage to eat."

Whistling a cheerful, hopeful tune that he knew Wen Ning could hear and feel on his way back to his hut, he ascended through the mountain path.

[citrusdyke]

EdLing A

Thank you for the prompt :) It took me some time to figure out what I wanted to write, and this is pre-established relationship, so I hope that’s not too disappointing!

Ed visits Xing, promptly gets sick, and is checked on by a royal friend

A: Fire, flames, or excessive heat

A cold flush moved through his body, and Ed shuddered.  He was lying on his back in bed—not his own bed, but a bed in one of the doubtless many guest rooms of the Imperial Palace in Xing. The room was nice, Ed had to admit.  Since becoming a state alchemist, he hadn’t had any real problems with money, and he’d seen no need to deny Al and himself comfort he could afford when they travelled; he was thus no stranger to nice accommodation. Still, the room was lavish even by Ed’s standards. The design was opulent yet tasteful: rich reds, vibrant golds and pale creams were set against deep browns that in the low, dancing light of the fire in the fireplace seemed almost black. Not even two days into his trip to Xing and he’d already fallen ill; Ed silently cursed the unfamiliar climate, his immune system, and Ling for good measure.

I could have stayed in Rush Valley, or visited any number of other places. I hear Briggs is nice this time of year… But noooo, I just had to cross a desert. Damn you, Ling Yao, with your, ‘It’d be good to see you, Ed’, and your, ‘You’re of course very welcome to stay at the palace while you research whatever you like’. How dare you make such a tempting offer?  You and your… your… hospitality!

Ed groaned as he began to feel warm again, more sweat beading on the back of his neck and on his forehead and sticking his hair to his skin. It was uncomfortable, but with what with the way Ed’s body was aching and his head was swimming, it barely registered as annoying.

It took Ed a second to realise that the knocking sound was coming from the door and wasn’t just his head pounding.  Maybe it was Al back—after staying by his side all night, his brother had finally retreated to his own room a couple of hours ago once the Xingese doctors had informed them that Ed just needed water and rest, but Al had never been very good at not fretting.  Ed hoped it wasn’t Al though; his brother deserved rest too.

“Ed?” a voice called out as the knocking came again. “It’s me. May I come in?”

That… wasn’t Al.

“Yeah,” Ed called back, his voice rough. He coughed twice, which made his throat feel worse, and reached for the glass of water on the small table beside his bed. As he carefully sat up enough to drink, the door on the far side of the room opened, and Ling Yao slipped inside.

“Hey,” Ed croaked.  Ling, walking closer, shot him an amused look.

“Drink your water, Ed.”

Ed scowled—he didn’t appreciate being told what to do—but fixed his focus back on the glass in his shaky hands and took a couple of slow sips of water, relishing the soothing feeling on his throat.  As Ed shifted to place the glass back on the table, it was plucked from his hands.  Ling refilled the glass from the pitcher that had been left there, and replaced both items.  He then met Ed’s gaze and smiled.

“Better?”

Ed scowled harder.

“I could’ve done that myself,” he mumbled.

“You could have,” Ling agreed amicably.  “How are you feeling?”

Ed gave a small shrug and looked away, suddenly oddly self-conscious.  He was starting to feel cold again now that he was propped up rather than burrowed under sheets and blankets, and he suppressed a shiver.

“Sore. Tired,” Ed admitted.

Ed saw Ling frown. “Do you want me to leave so you can sleep? I don’t want to wear you out, I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

Ed shook his head.  “No, it’s fine—”  Ed was hit by a wave of shivers he wasn’t able to suppress, and he visibly shuddered.

Ling’s face became sharp with concern.  “You should lie down.”

Ed set his jaw stubbornly, even as his head throbbed in protest. “No, I don’t want to.”

Ling met Ed’s eyes with a serious expression, and for a few moments said nothing, but he must’ve come to some sort of conclusion because he relaxed and let out a small sigh, appearing to relent.

“Just don’t die in my palace, Edward Elric. I don’t think Mustang would forgive me if his precious ex-subordinate died under my roof. The fate of our diplomatic relationship with Amestris lies in your hands,” he joked.

Ed rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, yeah.”

Ling’s lips twitched.

“That’s the spirit! Anyway, if you refuse to lie down, I’m going to build the fire up so you don’t shake yourself to death. I hope there are no objections,” Ling spoke cheerfully, the unspoken because I’m doing it either way implied in his tone.

“How are you so obnoxious,” Ed grumbled, but didn’t argue, and tugged a blanket up to wrap around his shoulders.  The blanket was red and warm and Ed allowed himself to take comfort in the familiar colour as Ling barked a laugh.  Ed bristled slightly, and waited for Ling to say something, a retort already on the tip of his tongue, but Ling moved over to the fireplace without another word, simply shaking his head and chuckling to himself.

Temporarily placated, or at least too tired to push the issue, Ed relaxed against the head of the bed as Ling began to stoke the fire.  Ling had a nice laugh, Ed noted.  Ling’s voice was clear and resonant, and hearing it loosened something in Ed’s chest.  Ling was obnoxious—some of the things he said and did made Ed want to shake him, to interrogate him, to look deep into his soul and learn why, why, why—but it was damned good to see him again.

As Ling worked on the fire, humming quietly to himself, Ed let himself look at him properly.  He’d seen Ling briefly the previous day, but there had been a lot of other people around, and he’d been too distracted taking in the sights to truly focus on his friend.

It had been nearly five years since Ed had seen Ling on that day, the day that homunculus had dubbed the Promised Day.  They had of course kept in touch, but it was one thing to exchange letters and phone calls and quite another to see Ling again in person.  Unsurprisingly, he looked older: he was taller, and his shoulders were broader, his face a little less rounded.  Less tangibly, there was something in his air that had changed.  He held himself with a fraction more poise than Ed remembered, and his movements seemed more considered, more decisive.

He holds himself like a ruler, Ed noted with some surprise.  Ed knew of Ling’s position, of course, and even back on that day he had believed that Ling would accomplish what he promised to do, and yet somehow the proof of it still caught him off-guard, made him feel almost flustered.

Ed eyed Ling again, noting his shiny dark hair, his deft hands, the way that the glow of the fireplace played across his striking features.  Ling was so interesting.  Ed found he would’ve been content to stare longer; he felt a little disappointed when Ling finished with the fire and turned back to him.

Ling met Ed’s stare—and oh, whoops, he’d forgotten to stop before Ling noticed—and gave him a curious look.  “Penny for your thoughts?”

The heat in Ed’s cheeks probably couldn’t be attributed to his fever.

“Uh. I wanted to say thanks. For the fire,” Ed rushed.  Ling smiled widely, and for a second Ed’s breath caught.  An effect of the illness? He hoped not; he felt miserable enough without adding respiratory issues on top.

“It’s no problem,” Ling replied, seemingly oblivious to Ed’s inner turmoil.  “You are an important guest, after all!”

“Yeah,” Ed muttered distractedly as Ling moved to sit on the side of the bed.  Ling’s hair looked so soft in the flickering golden light; Ed wondered what it would feel like if he were to stroke it.

Ling chuckled softly, and something in Ed’s chest fluttered.

“So, Ed,” Ling began, his voice soft and bright. “Tell me about what you’re planning on studying while you’re here.”

[theadgrodcast]

Manchego Brothers Part 2: Who cut the cheese?

Narrator

Ladies and gentleman return to your seats.

The lights have flashed

it’s time for the second half

If you noticed it wasn’t over before

the episode you heard

there’s so much more

to tell… That’s right, it’s me, your intro man

and I’m back to start

the story again

Let’s do a little quick recap…

We have the Manchego Brothers

They were brilliant inventors

From Spain

and they were featured at the world’s fair

until that financier came.

Randall Hogan Sparkwell

And sent their dreams into hell

let’s pick up where we last left off

It seemed like the brothers were going to have a face off

Chuckie

No! Earl Bradley what happened to you?!

Why would you ever do

and put yourself through

into a tiny little can

so you will no longer be an organic man?

Well suddenly the door opened up

and then I realized that I was completely wrong

There stood before me

right before my very eyes

Was Earl Bradley

Still an organic guy

And then I realized the guy in the can

was that evil man

That financier man

Randall Hogan Sparkwell

He was here to raise holy hell

It was time for him to be

Beyond what any man had ever been

And now he’s taking himself

and put himself in a can

And now we’re about to have some combat

Hand to hand!

(Spoken)

Earl! Earl! It’s me Chuckie! I haven’t seen you in years. I thought you were in there with all the metal and gears. but no!

It’s Randall Hogan Sparkwell

and he’s here to raise holy hell!

Earl Bradley

Oh no Chuckie!

I never meant it to be

I never meant for him to hurt you

Or your sweet lady or me.

Oh no!

I thought I was doing was right.

I thought I was fighting the fight

for the Fascist right!

But I wrong

All along

I couldn’t see

how everything they would do

would ruin you and me!

You were so smart to leave

But we’re taking to long

Cause Randall Hogan Sparkwell

Is here singing a song

(Whirring)

Randall Hogan Sparkwell

Full charge!

I powered up!

I’m Randan Hogal Sparkwell

Shut up!

I’m here to finish all you men

and take your invention

and sell it again!

I’ve made myself stronger than you’ll ever be

I’ve made myself strong enough to fly across the sea

I could take out all of the allies

In one swift raise of my eyes!

Cause lasers shoot out

And take’em down

And shoot down the planes

That fly all around

I’ll shoot down the boats

The day they come

and land on our shores

Some day in December

Chuckie

And I thought this was the end for me

Chuckie & my sweet lady

But then Earl Bradley

he jumped on that fiend!

and he held on to his mechanical neck!

And he started to swing!

And he started to whack!

The robot

the robot

Randall Hogan Sparkwell

He hit him a lot!

And the battle raged

what felt like a Dinkl-age

and the battle went on

and the battle it raged

What could I do?

I stood there in fear

Didn’t know who

to help or where to steer

I look at my brother right there

And the past flew by

I saw my life flash before my eyes!

But then I realize

What I must do

I had to stop that man

from hurting all of you

So I took myself

I took my brain

I put it inside 

of another tin can!

And I started to tinker

and my mind it grew weaker.

(Whirring)

(Spoken) What? Where am I? Oh God, that’s right! I’ve got to stop this uneven fight. Arrrrgggh! On step after one step, just let all the synapses connect! Rawr! I am Chuckie!!!

Randall hogan Sparkwell

No! No! No one stops Randall Hogan Sparkwell!

Narrator

And the battle raged on and on

and the two robots fought on

They fought each other

as hard as they could

They hit each other

and banged on their hood

The threw them through walls

they threw them through towers

They used all of their robotic

kinetic powers

They shot out lasers

they shot out tasers.

The battle seemed to go on

for days, and dayzers!

Earl Bradley

Stand in shock

What could he do?

He didn’t have a robot body

To put himself into

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGgghgggghghgghghhhg!

That were the two

robots falling into

the water below

Because they’re fighting over a river

Did you know?

I didn’t say that earlier

I’m saying it now

And they fought down

into the deep bowels

Of the water below

and into the river bed

They fought and fought,

but they never were dead

Cause they can

Breath under the sea

because they have robotic energy

And then a rocket took them into a sky

And they started to fight and fight so high

Through the clouds and atmosphere

into the space

and to the rear

of the universe

We can see

Two celestial BODD’s

Bodies fighting

One another

When down on earth sat an organic brother

Earl Bradley sat below

Wondering what else he could do

There was nothin much that he could ever do

because he was sitting there

made of skin like you

skin like you!

And a great explosion

blasted in the sky

It was so bright

It blinded every eye!

But only temporarily

Cause can’t you see

What had happen was

an explosion with Chuckie.

He’s dead.

Beauty

Oh no!

Oh no!

Well this is the voice of the sweet lady

who fell in love with that guy Chuckie

He was Carlos before

and Charles after that

But after we went to America

and that was that

He became CHUCKE

That’s right Chuckie

Manchego

And didn’t you know we got married

And that makes me a

Manchego!

How could I ever live?

I’m about to give

Birth to a baby

It’s not a maybe

Did you not notice this hump

and this bump

in front of me?

Well that is B

A B Y

Baby!

That’s gonna come out in month or two

What are you gonna do?

Earl Bradley?

Are you gonna take care of me?

Earl Bradley

I guess I have to

Cause I am the brother

and you don’t have any other

Than me Earl Bradley

I’ll take care of you and that baby

We’re gonna move to America soon.

Maybe somewhere in the NYC

Or somewhere in the Minnesota arE-a

I’m not sure where to go

You know more than I do

Because you went there with my brother who…

Wait! Wait!

That’s right! I make a copy of everything I make!

Wait! Wait!

I made a copy of something I think you’ll think it’s great!

Unfortunately

the organic body

of Chuckie

was just disintegrated.

When he made himself into a robot that time

But just listen to one more rhyme

The lady that Chuckie married

Guess what? 

We don’t have to bury a memory.

Narrator

And he started to tinker.

He started to tinker

He started to tinker less lazily than that.

25 years

after the war of the gears

we see an old man sitting right here

eating a delicious slice of cheese pizza

and the show is about to begin at the local Chuckie Cheesa’s

That’s right!

The curtain opens and we soon see

the memory of Chuckie didn’t die for he

No! He lives on!

In this robot

signing a song

fashioned after the rat Enrique!

(Spoken)

That’s right! Earl Bradley, he joined up with Hannibal the Cannibal to create a pizzeria and that eventually turned into a kids place called Chuckie Cheese’s after, it was named after his brother.

And then it pans out in modern day

and some guys stands up and says

Hey, hey, hey!

What did you think of that commercial pitch

for Chuckie Cheeses?

Do you like it?

Does it pleases?

Your senses?

Does it please your pocket?

I think you're really gonna like it.

When you see it on the video screen

Cause you know Hamilton’s a thing.

And everyone is really into musicals.

Did you not know that?

So let’s take advantage.

And we’re gonna make a musical commercial

for Chuckie Cheese

And its gonna be hysterical

and it will please all of the kiddies

They’re going to loo at their parents

and say…

Please please

Take me to Chuckie Cheese

Take me to Chuckie Cheese!

I want to play in the ball pit

and eat the pizza

and play all of it

and take the tickets

to the window and get the doll

that is a replica

of Randall Hogan Sparkwell

Randall Hogan Sparkwell!

(Sparkwell)

This in the memory of Enrique.

For you see

I’m a descendant of the Manchego cheese

and I opened up an advertising business

and I opened up an advertising business

so I could keep the memory…

I think that’s that end.

I think it’s over.

Everyone.

The lights have come up.

Get the fuck outta here!

Reprisal?

Give us a Tony!

Can’t you see?!

That this is the best musical on tv!

Everything is seen on a screen

Cause no one want’s to go out anymore

because it’s obscene

The masks on your face

allow you to enter into a place

Do you remember

when they made it so

that you had to wear

pants on your below?

Jazz AF

Skiddily bop. Skiddily boo

What do you do

when they don’t want to serve you

when you breathe

put on a thing

it’s called a MASK

it saves you and me

Don’t ever walk

into a store

if you don’t have something

over your whore

mouth

Don’t ever walk

into a place

unless you have covering

over your whore

face

That’s right

You need’em tight

to keep the respiratory droplets in

so that someone doesn’t get sick

and the COVID 1 9 starts to begin

It takes root inside of you

so that’s why you have to be cool

and where a mask too.

It’s not for you

It’s for them

All women and men

and the little tiny children

so it don’t give it to them

Do you remember when

you could walk into a store

with your bare butt-ox

and no one ever say

that you gotta get on out

You could peruse for hours

with your ding-a-ling

just a swinging thing

in the wind ding ding

That’s right you didn’t have to wear a shirt

back in 1962

but now you do

and it hurts!

It keeps the oxygen

form leaving my armpits

I’m not operating

at an example I could be at

you got to see

the sweat all over me

if I didn’t have this on

I would be glistening

Don’t make me put on pants

don’t make me a wear a shirt

don’t make me wear a mask

because it really really hurts

my oxygen levels

have fallen below a thousand

before that

they were five thousand

now I gotta put a mask on

because I got a task on

me,

and it’s taking away my freedoms

can’t you see

No! Fuck you man!

Listen. Just fuck you!

Put on a mask

it’s easy to do

you just have it on

when there is more than two.

In a target or a khols.

Cause that is the goal

to make sure no one dies

or gets sick anymore.

alright I’m done with this! End this episode! Adam, end the episode please!

I never forgot about the fucking squirrels Adam!

This guy’s over here eating brunswick stew.

Made of squirrels

that you see when their jumping from tree

to shining tree

their picking up the nuts

for the wintergreen

and they’re saving them until

Adam so obscene

he grabs them by tail

they scream and wail

he puts them in bucket

he puts in them a pail

puts some water in

and it starts to heat up

and it starts to boil

and he draws a cup

of that brunswick stew

the original dew

like they used to do

in Brunswick stew

ooooo

ooooo

ooooo

Adam

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Chuckie Cheese Sponsor us

[libertariantaoist]

“The appearance of Empty Virtue this is what comes from the Tao the Tao as a thing waxes and wanes it waxes and wanes but inside is an image it wanes and waxes but inside is a creature it’s distant and dark but inside is an essence an essence that is real inside which is a heart throughout the ages its name hasn’t changed so we might follow our fathers how do we know what our fathers were like by means of this”

-Lao-tzu- (Taoteching, verse 21, translation by Red Pine)

WANG PI says, “Only when we take emptiness as our virtue can our actions accord with the Tao.”

SUNG CH’ANG-HSING says, “Sages have it. So does everyone else. But because others are selfish and attached, their virtue isn’t empty.”

HUANG YUAN-CHI says, “Emptiness and the Tao are indivisible. Those who seek the Tao cannot find it except through emptiness. But formless emptiness is of no use to those who cultivate the Tao.”

YEN LING-FENG says, “Virtue is the manifestation of the Way. The Way is what Virtue contains. Without the Way, Virtue would have no power. Without Virtue, the Way would have no appearance.”

SU CH’E says, “The Tao has no form. Only when it changes into Virtue does it have an appearance. Hence, Virtue is the Tao’s visual aspect. The Tao neither exists nor does not exist. Hence, we say it waxes and wanes, while it remains in the dark unseen.”

CH’ENG HSUAN-YING says, “The true Tao exists and yet does not exist. It does not exist and yet does not not exist. Lao-tzu says it waxes and wanes to stress that the Tao is not separate from things, and things are not separate from the Tao. Outside of the Tao, there are no things. And outside of things, there is no Tao.”

WU CH’ENG says, “‘Inside’ refers to Virtue. ‘Image’ refers to the breath of something before it is born. ‘Creature’ refers to the form of something after it is born. ‘Distant and dark’ refers to the utter invisibility of the Tao.”

CHANG TAO-LING says, “Essence is like water; the body is its embankment, and Virtue is its source. If the heart is not virtuous, or if there is no embankment, water disappears. The immortals of the past treasured their essence and lived, while people today lose their essence and die.”

WANG P’ANG says, “Essence is where life and the body come from. Lao-tzu calls it ‘real’ because once things become subject to human fabrication, they lose their reality.”

And RED PINE explains, “In China people trace their descent through their male parent. The male is visible, the female hidden. Lao-tzu is nourished by his mother (Tao) but follows his father (Te).”

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The problem Lao-tzu has described for us, in the last several verses, is the Great Way (the Tao) has disappeared. His prescription for what ails us, getting rid of artifice, getting rid of pretense, getting rid of any extra thing – all these things which have replaced the Tao — serves one purpose for Lao-tzu: The reappearance of Empty Virtue, which comes from the Tao.

Lao-tzu has talked a lot about emptiness, before. So, it is something we have already covered, before. And, I don’t want to spend my commentary trying to reiterate what has already been said. What I would rather do is focus on what he is saying in today’s verse about Empty Virtue. Empty Virtue, is just that, empty. It doesn’t have any additions, no attachments, no desire. It is empty of artifice, pretense, anything that is extraneous to the Tao.

This does come with a warning, however. The practice of Empty Virtue won’t earn you love and praise from others. On the other hand, you won’t be feared or despised by them, either. If you are a practitioner of Empty Virtue you can pretty much expect that people will hardly be aware you are even there.

That is just fine with me, for I am not looking to be noticed, or to be rewarded for doing what I know is the right thing. Quite frankly, I just want to be left alone, as I leave everybody else alone.

I think of Empty Virtue, pretty much, as minding my own business. Not interfering, not intervening, not forcing things, not trying to be in control.

I know, I know, with all the virtue-signaling going on in the world today, you might think my not signaling my virtue would raise a few eyebrows. But I haven’t found it to be so. I simply don’t call attention to the fact I am not virtue-signaling. And, it really isn’t surprising how unnoticed and ignored I can be. Anyone who doubts that probably has too high an estimation of themselves.

No, to be quite honest, the world doesn’t revolve around you, or me. When I don’t draw attention to myself, people don’t give me a second thought. And that is just the way I like it.

What was it Lao-tzu said in yesterday’s verse? He was alone. And, alone, isn’t a bad thing. I go out every morning, alone. Well before sunrise. Just walking in the darkness. It is my “me” time. The darkness, the emptiness, make those two hours a walking meditation. I see the waxing and waning of the moon; and, I see the waxing and waning of the Tao. Alone, in the dark, I see the essence of the Tao, the only thing that is real. It is by means of this that I empty my mind, and am renewed, day by day.

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Red Pine introduces the following sage with today’s verse:

YEN LING-FENG (B. 1910). Classical scholar and specialist in Taoteching studies. In addition to his own books on the subject, he republished most of the surviving commentaries in his monumental Wu-ch’iu-pei-chai lao-tzu chi-ch’eng, including a number of “lost” commentaries that he reconstructed from diverse sources. Lao-tzu chang-chu hsin-pien.

[saintsnsinnersbdb]

Life Changing

Written by @InsanelyHotAss.

{The Glymera were the society that I had to pretend I was only interested in the females, while I was growing up and with my parents. It was a female that was brought to me when I transitioned. It was what was done when one transitioned and yes, it was typical me that as I fed from her, the sexual drive in me kicked in. I knew from what I was told growing up, that it would when I fed but I didn't know it would kick in this soon. I was in bed and naked when then brought her to me. They left us alone in my room as I fed and let's just say one thing lead to another. I lost my virginity to her as she lost hers to me. I don't even remember how long we were left alone but we spent quite some time alone and I got my fill feeding off of her and was sated in another way as well. Laying back in my bed as she redressed herself before letting herself out. I stayed in bed as my mother and father came in to check in on me. I didn't think or feel like I was going to die or whatnot like they worried about. I felt much stronger as well as knowing I was a lot bigger than I was before. I was also a lot hungrier than I was before I even started the whole transitioning.

I use to only eat rice and drink some ensure before all this took place but now I wanted regular food. The blood made me feel stronger but I need other kinds of sustenance. "I'll bring you some of the food I cooked for your father Ezekiel." My mother said to me as she left my room. I sat there and rubbed my hand over my face and noticed I was getting hard yet again. "Fuck me" I mumbled and not even paid attention to anyone in the room with me. This was so fucking insane on how much has changed with me. Before I never got an erection and now it was there for all to see if it wasn't for the blanket covering me. I could hear my father "You'll adjust to your body son of mine." Shaking my head as I heard him and I wasn't sure I was going to. I looked up at him with a questioning look in my eyes. "Am I really? This is all new and I did something I thought I'd never do." Yes I was a bit freaked out over having sex with the female because before it wasn't even a thought in my mind. I had other friends who have transitioned before me, tell me how often or that you would be thinking about it more. Yeah, I'm sure the sex wasn't ling but I sure felt good from it and she, I hoped enjoyed it as much as I did.

~~~~~~~~~~

It now has been a few weeks since I've transitioned and have realized I am more interested in just females. There have been a few males that have caught my attention but I've ignored the vamps I grew up with since we grew up with the Glymera telling us how much we needed to settle down with a respectable female and marry her.

I have been and always will be the kind of male who went against the grain of the way one sees things. I went out alone to clubs and hooked up with human males and females. I rarely let myself feed from them, I fed from the female who fed me the night I transitioned.

One night I was out, I had this strange feeling that something was wrong but I ignored the feeling and continued to enjoy my night out. The second I got home later on, I knew it was way too fucking quiet for my own tastes. I walked through slowly, trying to see if my parents were home but I started to smell that one smell that I was told to be aware of and that was the sickly smell of baby powder and not the good kind either. I started to gag as I walked into a room and saw my parents laying on the floor, mutilated in the worst sort of way.

I ran over to the trash can and started throwing up the drinks I've had and the food I ate with the club friends I made. They didn't know about this side of my life. Hell they didn't even know I was a vamp at all.

I reached for my phone and called the one number that I was told to call in case this were to happen. I never thought I'd be calling the Brotherhood for anything. Yes, I knew about them and yes I knew what they did but I was one that was wanting to kill as many of these fucking things as possible.

I took a few deep breaths before I even dialed the number up to report what has happened. I guess this was the equivalent to the cops for us vamps. Yet the response time wasn't fast enough for me. I started to pace back and forth in the room where my parents were still laying. I wasn't about to move them but I wasn't about to stay in the room either. I wanted to leave and go looking for these fucking things that were responsible for this.

What seemed like forever, I had to brothers, I wasn't sure which ones they were, show up. "It's about fucking time you showed up! These fucking things are out there probably doing the same damn thing to another family!" I glared out my hatred at them both. I couldn't help but laugh as I looked at the one with a glove on his hand. "I'm going to go and find these fuckers that did this! They are all I fucking had here! No one else gives three shits about me!" I was hysterical, I knew this but at the same time they took their time to get here. "Look kid, we don't need you going out there half cocked and getting yourself killed." Said the one with the glove. I stepped up and laughed in his face, was it a bad move, maybe it was. "Right now I don't give a flying fuck. I just want these fuckers dead!" The gloved one stepped back and took a deep breath before he spoke again. "I understand what you are saying but this is what we do." This time I took it a step further and knocked him back from me before he had too much of my shit and knocked me on my ass with a blow to my jaw. I heard him him telling one of the others to step off and that I deserved it.

I got up off the floor and ran at him, tackling his ass to the ground before throwing punches at his face before the other one grabbed me from behind and lifted me off him, telling me. "I think you need to rethink what and who you are attacking before you end up at the hospital kid." I raised my hands up in the air so the other would release me. Once he did, I wiped the blood that was at the corner of my mouth. I also moved to lean against a wall as I watched the one get up and wipe his own lip before he glared at me and started walking around the house to see what else was done. They asked me if anyone else lived here. "No just my parents and I." I also knew that in case something happened they put the money and accounts in my name. "Kid, I suggest you come with us." I stood back up and moved to the one who wasn't being an asshole towards me. "Stop calling me kid, my name is Zeke and do I need to come with you guys?" He shrugged at me and looked around at the scene around us. "It would be for the best, k...Zeke. Unless you have a place to go or money of your own." Dropping my head down for a few seconds before responding. "They put the money and accounts in my name once the killings of other families started happening." He nodded at me before saying. "Alright but move closer to other Vamps so you aren't completely alone. We do watch our own people, especially when they are in our neighborhoods." I nodded and went to collect my things from my room, knowing I was going to be coming back to get more of my stuff later.}