#and then he said its bc I got mad so I said i didnt just like my mom used to deny bad feelings
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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most fucked up thing at my new job is there's only zero calorie sweeteners at the coffee station in the break room. three different kinds of zero calorie sweetener but no regular sugar because the assumption is that literally everyone is on a diet?
#is this because its a job dominated by women in particular??? idk#that's so weird#like sorry i can taste the difference and i prefer naturally occurring sugar from nature how is that not even an option#drinking nasty bitter af coffee bc i am So Sleepy but i refuse to use artificial sweeteners#they Do taste different and they're not even good for you im not doing that lol#also they got mad at me for telling one of the parents that we took one of the kids temperature and it was 99 and he threw up a little#when his dad came to get him yesterday and all of the other teachers were nowhere to be found#they were like tou shouldnhave had colleen do that#ma'am colleen went home before that and so did you#i should have left already too but waited bc the ratio on the playground was bad#anyway i did NOT say he had a fever i said it was 99 and to talk to the teacher inside#but the dad didnt yalk to her clearly then went home and scared the mom that he had a fever and threw up so she texted my boss freaking out#i literally just said he threw up a little and we took his temperature and it was 99 and to talk to the other teacher#which was all true and there was no one else there to tell him#anyway#apparently the person who had my job before me was a wacko who scared the parents with fake medical information or something#but that is not my fault and nobody told me that or not to tell the parents anything medical until this morning#ugh#also my supervisor is kind of a weirdo#she wanted to show everyone ~cute~ pictures of animals she has killed while hunting???#and i said i didnt want to see#and she was like ~oh it's not dead yet in the picture~#like okay but its dead now???#she traps them first so its a cute little fox in a trap about to be killed 😭#like wtfff#i know trappong predators is a reality but why take pictures like ohhh so cute then kill it#THEN show everyone the cute pictures like yeah isnt he adorable i killed him btw <3#huh??????#she has a bobcat tail on her keychain too she was giving it to the teachers and kids to pet like ohhh its so soft <3
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#i knew the vibes were going to plummet as soon as we left the restaurant#ny dad actually isnt in a bad mood about it#he didn't like the loud music but hes not mad about it#but my mom is like 'i picked a bad place i shouldn't have picked that one i didnt even know they had music#and they just HAD to sit us at the loudest table 🙄'#well yeah. it was the only one open when we got there#and she kinda complained about her food and the waitress 😵💫#she said she was stressed the whole time bc she knew my dad was stressed#well. the difference between them is my dad was stressed about the loud music#but once we left the place with the loud music. he wasn't stressed anymore#my mom was stressed. so she will find every single thing she can to contribute to her stress. and it will remain. for hours#in fact. probably years from now. we will be like remember that nice trip in September 2024 :) and she will be like#'oh yeah the one with the awful restaurant that i picked out that everyone was miserable about'#(she was the most miserable bc she stressed herself out)#and its just.......... :/ im sorry my dad was uncomfortable with the noise. and that my mom didn't have a good time#but. i cannot remember the last time a restaurant caused LESS anxiety actually.#and on a different vacation earlier this year we went to a restaurant that Everyone else wanted to go to#and it was quite literally one of the most miserable experiences of my life#it was SO loud. the dining room was so small and cramped and it was so crowded and everyone was YELLING#i kept headphones in the whole time and sat with my head down and could barely even eat anything#it was like. an hour+ long panic attack. i wanted to cry the whole time#but when that happened. my moms dinner wasnt ruined bc she felt bad i was stressed#so . 😐 im just saying
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woe characters inspired by some of my cats be upon ye. info on them in my tags lol
#dialtown oc#jack dlc#twerpys head is a sledgehammer bc the cat theyre based on was born in a wall lmao#he works at the petstore with outis bc i got said cat frm the local petstore#lilys head is a fluffy couch pillow thing and she works at an animal shelter bc thats where i got the cat shes based on#twerpy is genderfluid bc we make jokes that my cat twerpy is genderfluid a lot#also i feel like shed be aroace if she were a person. its just the vibes yk#lily isnt labeled as anything shes just vibin#the 2 are part of a big sorta found family type shit that consists of chars based on my other 3 cats i just didnt feel like drawin more rn#twerpy is really mean and stuck up but is secretly super sweet it just takes them a long time to warm up enough to someone n show it#shes also secretly incredible at like. comforting people and helping them out. but again only shows it for people hes warmed up enough to#lily is super confident and full of herself and spoiled. she thinks shes super fuckin smart but she is very much Not /lh#she loves attention though and gets her feelings hurt super easy#also shes Huge on physical affection. she loves giving people hugs and holding hands and shit#like. shell be like oh im so fuckin hot and cool literally no ones on my level and of ur like eh idk that fit isnt really that good on u#she will start Crying. and get mad that youre being mean to her for no reason while sobbing#and probably will hug onto you while doing it#twerpy also gives really good hugs but they Hate being touched. so if it willingly touches you then youre incredibly lucky special#also lily loves sitting in peoples laps#if youre friends with her she is far more likely to sit on your lap instead of any chair in the room nd thats just smth youll have 2 deal w#dlc wiki
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the very nice guy who works at the centre was asking me abt my art and i was so anxious the entire time bc i didnt want to ramble or talk more than i was supposed to, but he kept asking questions and didn't seem like he was in any hurry to go talk to other members so i just kept talking and I'm like. so scared I did smth wrong w the amount i told him but fhdksl I didn't know how much I was supposed to converse with him and I was trying to be so careful in case he needed to go talk to other ppl but he hung around for so long (probably not even ten mins in reality but it felt like absolutely ages, i never get to talk that much with a person in a setting that isn't strictly one-on-one,,,, that was wild) so I guess ,,, i was okay ?? idk, im going to be overthinking this for the rest of the day now augh 😭
#he was so nice and so interested but i was so scared the entire time fhfjdkl#couldnt even enjoy it bc i was terrified i was taking up too much of his time or rambling too much fjfkdl#also some lady got kind of mad at me for saying that not all tick species spread lyme disease to humans fhdkdl#and i feel like i could've worded my reply better but i just told her ''oh thats just what we read online but yknow maybe its not true!''#i wish I'd said smth like ''yknow i used to think that too but i learned recently that its not actually true! :)''#bc i feel like the latter would've been a little kinder and more like... affirming to her or smth idk fhfkdl#i just got scared bc she seemed cranky and i didnt want to stumble into an argument w her fhdjdl#i have had that happen too often in life where ppl pick stupid fights w me and im not engaging w them but i still get in trouble for it lol#bc ppl just see that the person is angrily talking at me and they assume i must have been participating#when in reality most of the time im just desperately trying to placate them or stop them from yelling at me 😭#ANYWAYS! it was a decent outing overall and i got a free lunch and found out some info abt how things work there#so i am satisfied with my venture and i am now home and going to work on making a couple cards that i need to get done hdkdl#also I'd like to choose a new crochet project to make... some kind of shirt perhaps#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#i know ive been bitching about this a lot lately but just let a girl vent pls#husband just got home and said 'you look tired you should go lie down '#and i told him i cant. i have too much housework to do. 'well lay down after that '#cant. because then i have more housework after that.#and he got all huffy at me like i was being dramatic#and he said 'how am i supposed to snuggle up with you if you arent laying down? c#and i shot back ' who's going to do the housework if i dont '#and he rolled his eyes. straight up rolled his eyes.#this is the man that is constantly telling me to just ask him for more help. just make a list#yelled at me and stormed out of the house whej i told him to pls just use his eyes#bc i dont have time to make him a list of chores#and also the man who if i do ask him to do smth it doesnt get done#examples just from today. he was heading into town and i asked him to please bring the recycling with him. he didnt.#he yells at me for doing the cat litter bc its bad for my asthma. but then leaves it until its bad enough i have to do it#bc its unfair to the cats to expect them to use a litter box that bad. and then he gets mad at me for not just asking him to do it#like. its in the bathroom. right next to the toilet. he has to look at it when hes taking a shit every day. and youre telling me#he doesnt notice it? i have to remind him???#and then i get yelled at and reprimanded for just doing it myself#' ASK FOR HELP DAMMIT! '#i do. i do all the fucking time. i ask you to empty the garbage bc bending over makes my back scream. but you dont#and i have to power through and do it.#i ask you to bring the recycling into town to drop off. and as soon as you leave i find out you didnt even gather it up.#i ask you to please clear out the bathtub drain. for two weeks. and you brush it off until the day i decide to#do it myself and you get so passive aggressive about it and ' no ILL DO IT. the tool is back in my mom's room#guess I'll just go WAKE HER UP FROM HER NAP so i can grab it since you need it done! '#im so tired of asking and then just being disappointed anyway.#if im gonna get yelled at anyway id rather just do it all myself so at least its done. and not sit there and beg for help and do it anyway
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blind (2022) is driving me insane. im begging my friends to watch it but theyre either busy with exams or almost exclusively fluff/romance-watchers . i need to talk ab this w someone just hit me up or something GOD
#kdrama blind (2022)#blind 2022 spoilers#tvn ocn blind (2022)#so my theory is the same as other peoples' its confirmed that 13 yoonjae is sungjoon so im thinking sunghoon was there too (somehow idk) an#that hes 11 and jung inseong the juror is 12. 11 and 12 seem to be real brothers? bc in ep1 11 said 'go meet mom' and not 'go meet your mom#and maybe 11 and 13 escaped together after hiding under the floorboards? since sj Was adopted maybe he was taken in when the parents found#sh after they escaped together? and the thing is everyone is involved somehow so if the mother was like in a high position at the center (i#i didnt the lady at the start of ep7 for someone else) then how was sunghoon there? idk i havent gotten that far on my theory except that#hes 11. maybe they were Both adopted? so the next to die is either the lady idr her name or the producer guy. 24 + 7 r confirmed dead now#13 is sungjoon. and inseong is def connected to this somehow like the rest of the jury. ergo my theory that hes 12. also i think the body#they found w ahn taeho's phone in ep8 is jung yoonjung's (yoonjae's older sister) bc of the necklace and the size of the skeleton. so now#they've found one body from the events of 20 years ago that happened at the center. all the jurors' kids will be killed as revenge for the#parents turning a blind eye on them as kids so theyre being punished by having their beloved children taken away from them. i think its#amazing how theyre all connected they dont know it at all. choi soongil was the only one who recognized ahn taeho (bc of the scar) and#yeom hyejin didnt know her father was sending kids to be abused and enslaved. kang youngki saw kids in numbered uniforms doing hard labor#never said a word bc keeping it a secret earned him money that he spent on his own kid who wouldve been around the same age as them.#from ep8 we see that the producer made a docu on the center and just buried it. and ofc mr baek who was the ringleader of all this.#his daughter killed on her birthday and kang youngki's daughter killed on her wedding day as retribution. im sad that ahn taeho died living#a life of guilt and fear moving around all the time but at least hes free from that now. im glad he got to apologize to 'yoonjae' for it#honestly i cant be mad at ahn taeho bc he was a survivor and a child and terrified. also is it just me or did sunghoon look disappointed#when ahn taeho confessed? like thats all the evidence i have supporting my theory that hes 11 i think. ofc theres the vibes? that he and#sungjoon have more history than the shows let on so far but if he was 11 he would be so disappointed bc he planned their escape#anyway come talk to me about this its driving me crazy
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#had an issue a while ago where my bf was leaving his dirty clothes in piles on the floor which is fine except when the piles#are kept in the same room as the litterbox and the cat takes that as a cue to start pissing in piles of clothes#so i told him he couldnt do it anymore he said ok and then a bit later i caught the cat right as he was abt to piss in said clothes again#and when i was like 'hey i said you cant do this it can ruin your clothes if it gets left there' and he was like 'oh yeah i know but it's#my clothes so that's a risk i just decided to take' which uhhhh No????? no in so many ways?????????#but i didnt process how wack that is at the time so i just moved on and was like 'no but for real you cant do this anymore like not#a suggestion like legit This Cannot Continur Happening bc the end of this road is that the cat learns pissing in clothes piles is#ok whenever he wants' which did actually get him to stop but that was apparently enough learning time for mr carrot#we've had a few issues with it not toooo bad but its definitely been getting steadily more frequent#anyways guess whose electric blanket got pissed in today bc he left it in a pile on the floor and taught the cat its ok to piss in those#im having trouble giving a shit about it in the ways i should#like. idc that the blanket is maybe ruined#when he bought it he said it was for both of us but its just his so like idc but what i AM feeling is mad at him#cause like. i told him not to#and i shouldn't have HAD to tell him not to‚ 'the cat is pissing in my clothes so i will make it no longer possible for that to happen'#should be a no brainer i cannot imagine going 'welp i guess if it happens it happens' ITS PISS IN YOUR CLOTHES SITTING STALE FOR#WHO KNOWS HOW LONG and now we have to be hypervigilant abt Any Fabric Ever and who knows if itll escalate even further#hes already escalated from exclusively floor fabric to pissing in MY clothes that i was keeping on a table#like. the next stop is obviously couches/beds but like once they learn something its real hard to train them not to#and im just. frustrated that this is just gonna be yet another thing i have to deal with all the time when he shouldve just#Not Decided It Was Fine For The Cat To Piss In His Clothes In The First Place Hello?????!!!#but i also feel bad bc i feel like im holding a grudge about something small but i also Cant Let It Go#usually when the thing im mad abt is something insignificant its annoying for a bit then i let go but im just like !!!!!! what the fuck!!!!#idk. whatever#its his problem now idk how to get the heating psrt separate from the blanket part so i just sprayed some urine enzyme#on it and he can figure out wtf to do with in once he gets home in like two hours#and if thats too long and the smell gets baked in. oh well i guess#he hasnt been able to smell since we got covid anyways so like. its whatever i guess he can stew in a cat piss blanket if he wants#but i also cant tell if this is just a side effect of my General Irritability over the last few months and i really am mad abt nothing#ESPECIALLY because i keep saying it doesnt really directly effect me at this point then its like ok why are you so mad abt it then
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exciting day so far
#264 (the couple who pays extra to have their bed made every day (which is crazy)) knocked over a CLOCK in their room#the wife did it on accident luckily she was ok.but i had 2 hunt down maintenance to fix da clock and i thought i found a guy but apparently#he wasnt actually a maintenance guy So i might kms. but he said hed find a maintenance guy for me so..#bc my boss was like ok ryan (head of maintenance (wnd housekeeping but hes a maintenance guy. my boss is the real head of housekeeping lol)#might be in the maintenance shop. and i was like okie went in and he wasnt 💀💀💀 so i just saw a guybwearing black which i thinkk is#maintenance color and i was like halp me ! and he was like erm yeah ill find a maintenance guy for you ^-^#it was so awk tho. my job on weekdays (except tuesdays bc thats the day they get cleaned) is 2 make the bed and its usually umm#shes usually in da shower with her caretaker. not like eith but. ykwim. and the husband is usually asleep on da couch#but i got there like 10 minutes early so they were both up and also yhe husband was like Are you a guy can you help and i was like erm no#and i misunderstood i thought he was having like#a medical or#something else issue. yk. but then i overheard him talking to the wifes caretaker and realized he said CLOCK. and i was like ohhh ok..#but i finished the bed and said okie ill find a maintenance guy t come help asap :]#and he was like thanks 👍 hes very sweet idk if we had spoken b4. well probably but idr much of it#i think ive mainly spoken to da wife b4. shes very sweet shes had a stroke so its a bit difficult to understand her sometimes but shes very#nice.. i ws sooo worried thenfirst day bc allegedly we got there early (aka the time they usually went to do the bed) so now k do it at 9#which is mildly inconvenient but not too bad. ideally id be making the bed b4 i starty rooms 4 the day bc i have like an hour anf a half to#do my morning work. so i could just slot ir in real easy.. but its all good jo worries. but ya so she was kind of irritated the first day#and also it was my first time speaking to someone who had had a stroke. so i didnt realize thats just like. how she ralks and thought she#was just super duper mad. and i was like eep! but its ok.
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#weird day. really weird day#i couldnt sleep v well bc my brain was fucked up and i was prob dehydrated so im like extremely out of focus#i did go to the health and wellness center and am now back in therapy which is why my day was so fucking wild. like im too tired so im not#opperating correctly but it was real weird. like last time i got assessed by someone who basically sorted me to a therapist according to my#problems. this time i just kinda stumbled into a 1st session with someone and i dont kno how to feel abt how it went. it was odd#like we didnt go thru like an entire thing of like what r all ur problems? it was more i started talking abt things and he got stuck on#some specific things i said and we talked abt that. which im of 2 minds abt bc he did instantly latch onto the root of some of my issues#which is that i feel fucking dumb all the time bc my brain works a little different but it also wasnt helpful bc like theres a stereotypic#verson of my experience and then theres what i actually went thru and those things dont align in the way he was talking abt it. like i#think were were just talking past eachother a bit. like he wasn't exactly wrong but i do feel a bit like i walked in with an open wound and#and he decided the best course of action was to pat me on the head and tell me im v smart so i walked out still bleeding. but i dont think#its was all bad bc it got under my skin so much. i react like a cat thrown in a bath if u try to call me smart. like fuck off. yes ok im#smart. i have a certified document saying that i have above average intelligence. big fucking whoop. im too fucking dyslexic to do anything#right and my brain is constantly trying to strangle me to death. he called me a gifted kid. fuck u i was too fucking dyslexic to b a gifted#kid. stop talking abt the positive aspects of the compulsive way i live my life when its literally strangling me to death and i want it to#stop. acknowledge my pain old man. also i hate thst therapists hate the word weird. its not a bad word i like that word. i disagree#fundamental with the assertion that its bad. also he pointed out that i talk like a freak. like a person with high intelligence. fuck u i#like words. i will peel my own skin off if u call me smart one more time. lol i was so mad. i argued with him like the whole time. also he#mentioned horoscopes which was weird but whatever. we'll see how the next one goes. i told him to his face i i didnt kno if what we talked#abt was helpful. possibly the rudest ive ever been to a stranger lol. well see how the next session goes. at least it was interesting#god. im fucking so tired and wrung out.#unrelated
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if you guys want a guy thats the sweetest snuggler and so spunky and hilarious still at 10y old get u a chiweenie
#chihuahua weiner dog every mix of these looks different hes a sturdy boy hes my everything#so much personality#i was gonna take him on a forest adventure he chased some deer last time the deer were unbothered like wygd lil boy 😂#they were right it was so cute tho his lil rump while he runs#hes got such a funny gait. his haunches. his front legs are built and go side to side his back end is so narrow hes just like his daddy#i didnt like him at first hes devons dog hes my stepdog now i always grew up w big dogs n hes so little and girthy and weird im obsesssssed#it is funny. like i said. every chiweenie i see is built different (i think theyre becoming a popular breed? and not for no good reason this#dude rocks)#but yea the funniness in his mimicking of devon#hugeass shoulders and chicken legs#its funny his dad and brother are the same way. his dad calls them his “cheetah legs” 😂#small guys. hes the tallest in the fam clocking in at 5'7. all of them have effortlessly huge shoulders and small everything else#his sister too shes built she lives in the same town as us so she comes over to use our benchpress and weights every now n then#she could throw me forsure. im from this lanky family my brothers are both like 6'5 im just average at 5'9 i wishh i broke the 6ft threshold#were like long lanky. stg im meant to wander i walk walk walk my sister dad and cousins are marathon runners#i dont know what im doing when im not travelling on my feets its everything to me. ive been compared to those classic bigfoot photos with#w his arms swangin bc i do walk like that each stride is 3 ft gotta take advantage of these stilts#there was this girl in my highschool i was fascinated w the way she walked she had negative three inches on me but each step was like#a mini lunge#and ya actually you get the bounciness going it works well#ive been described as a stomper which is true but its not cos im mad or whatever its like ice climbing you wanna make sure ur cleats sunk in#wavy lanky postural sway its a dance small steps are actually harder i lunge and correct.#being on a boat makes so much sense to me its just these movements and strong rooted feet w a swaying-to-the-enviroment everything else#damn. so this post was originally abt my awesome dog?
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is there any worse feeling than when you feel like someone is mad at you bc they literally are mad at you
#i came into the living room and my dad was yelling abt how he basically hates everyone in the whole family#bc nobody got around to reqding the latest chapter of his book yet#but he was really upset and mad#i get being hurt by that but it literally is not a personal rejection people are just busy idk#he didn't let on he was upset at all until he completely flipped out#now he doesn't want anyone to read it anymore#he's really hurt tho bc we all always read my mom's stuff#and my brother and i talk abt what we're writing together all the time#and i get there's a special kind of hoy sharing your writing with someone but only when they're really interested and engaged#unfortunately the two people most likely to care abt hia book are my two oldest brothers and they dont live w us#so they cant really give him that feedback#he did send hia chapters to them but they arent around to talk abt it and havent responded yet#basically nobody actually cares abt his book#he's been talking abt writing one for like ten years or more and only started in the past few months#its a zombie book and full of his really weird and controversial political and religious takes tho sp its a stressful read#i dont really agree w him on certain issues and we're ok abt it usually but it makes reading it more stressful#anyway#he's really upset tho#and he can only express unpleasant emotions through anger so i shut down and cant interact#and he specifically said he doesnt want people do do the thing he's so hurt that we didnt do#so there's no real way to set things right to alleviate my anxiety#he's a very difficult person to love with sometimes but he's really generous and has done a lot to help me#so i can live my dream and start a business and he's not really pressuring me abt my job seaech and rent and stuff#so it does make me feel guilty that i basically didn't care abt his book#it wouldnt be as bad if literally everyone in the family hadn't also done that#when he does to much for everyone#he's mad at everyone but im the only one having a panic attack and im the only one he didn't yell at#he's not handling his emotions well but neither do i so we usually just dont acknowledge things like this until everyone is over it#but i hate that i literally need conflict to be resolved immediately or i go insane
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:/ god my apartment manager sucks
#the bin#if theres a problem. fucking CALL ME. dont just come into my garage without asking. while im IN IT#the door. was shut. im so mad. this guy REALLY creeps me out. he comes to peoples outside doors to complain abt stuff#he hangout out in the pool area and talks to people passing through about things hes noticed#like. he noticed my sister doesnt live here anymore and directly asked me if i live alone and about her car#theres nothing i can do abt it but i genuinely dont feel safe living here bc of this guy. it really sucks. this has made it much worse#i closed the door immediately after he opened it and im listening to the mess around in other peoples garages now#i had something get stolen from in here before and it makes me wonder if it was them. it wasnt anything that mattered so i dont care but it#still bugs me knowing people are in here. i already suspected it after coming back to the door open and something having moved but it#was technically possible that i forgot to close the door and it was the wind or someones dog responsible for moving the thing#thats unlikely but still possible.#the thing that got stolen was just a small suitcase. it was pit here bc it had cat shit in it. my sister wanted to clean it out but was#putting it off so she stuck it out here and probs forgot abt it by now.#im so mad. he said they didnt know anybody was in here but that cant possibly be true bc i was loudly skipping around in here#its s loud echoy garage. i know what that sounds like from outside. theres no way they didnkt hear which bothers me a lpt#i couldnt hear them bc i had earbuds in. hhhh. my paranoia is gonna have fun with this :/
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i love how i had my period of mommy issues lasting from childhood and now my mom is actually improving and being nicer but we have entered the era of daddy issues
#my sibling issues are still there#idk my dad basically got sad tht i didnt wanna birth children#bc endometriosis#and like...idk i got mad vitamin deficiencies#my mom had alot of issues birthing me and my sister.#he dismissed it and he ???? started crying???#idk#i said id maybe adopt...j to make him happy#yadda yadda he said a woman is made to birth#but i also said i have a choice...#idk this car ride is real awkward#ive never had issues with my dad.#he was always the one who id go to when mom was being crazy#but its just so weird now
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i feel things as my mothers child when she is upset with me in 3 different ways
kid: confused sadness
teen: angry hurt
adult: irritated apathy
none of these are good. especially around holidays when all three resurface and mix so terribly
#there was an honest accident that caused a small stain on a tiny bit of the sofa and i got screamed at for it#the tube busted it wasnt my fault#i tried so hard to fix it to scrub it out that my fingers hurt and my eyes sting from the acetone fumes#but it didnt work so i gave her the cover off the chair in my room (matches the sofa)#and its just an inch smaller.... and shes so mad#its a sofa we got secondhand years ago its good but its not world ending#and now she threw down the tree and said christmas is cancelled#i spent a good amount of money (read: almost all) this year on gifts bc we havent had a good christmas in years but#thats shit now.#wrapping gifts and crying tbh#he speaks
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followed by “you wanna see my box?”
#............i crossed out beef jerky enthusiast bc 1. it was spelled wrong .......and 2. anyone who knows lisa knows she's an enthusiast#ABOUT EVERYTHING !!#even her rage is enthusiastic !!#anyways some kid did a documentary for his high school project about my old landlord !! (he's still my friend and we've rented from him#twice!)#certainly never boring there.......#however the most wholesome part of this docu is one of my favorite women in the world!#she taught me about mushroom foraging !#and helps birds when they are harmed ! (someone brought her a seagull and she was so mad bc now she's just had this overgrown seagull in a#cage for two years who cant make it in the wild anymore-she loves animals but who can really like a seagulls company?)#she's also founded of church on the rocks which i think they just sing a lot of jesus-y songs to a live band#if they will let me sing heaven help us i will go#also old man's (now ex) princess (he said it) gf is in this docu....#she has my moms name >(#shes ok i just think its funny that she got caught on camera bc she smokes cigs#she never goes outside unless its to walk her dog or smoke lights#i could tell she so didnt want to be on camera~#cool views of the first year of the island garden going~
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