#and then i end up deleting my social media accounts for a while bc the responsibility of power is too overwhelming and it keeps

[snekdood]

idk how or when i got 700 followers but cool and hi i guess

[salt-volk]

am i like... the only one who doesn't think any of this is all that bad?

dv has always been slow making improvements, but it seems especially since hiring artist team we've gotten lots more updates, and some reasonable progress has been made. they're also making slightly better effort to communicate. trying to listen and implement things here & there (midmonth updates as a thing).

is it perfect? absolutely not. could they be doing better and making more progress faster? definitely. are there some major fumbling points that raise community tensions to a boil (like customs)? yeah, of course. but idk..

no shade on anyone, your feelings are valid. but sometimes it all seems so "dramatic" (not rlly the right word, but you get the intention). like instead of monitoring improvements checking in occasionally just kinda waiting it out, it has to be a catastrophized thing like "ahh dv is ending!!! i'm leaving dv!!! fuck everything and fuck the staff!!!"

and ik that dv isn't beta anymore so most ppl have the attitude of "all of this should have been fixed forever ago! i can't believe we still having this problem! things need to change NOW!!". but... idk nothing in dv to me is so pressing that i feel absolutely enraged over it or like i need to delete my account or boycott or something.

i feel kinda like a passenger just along for the ride, curious to see what happens next. i'm absolutely critical, and give input in improvement threads when it feels necessary. def a lot needs to change. i understand the urging staff to look at certain issues. but i also just feel mostly neutral passivity.

maybe its just social media. ppl being in their feelings or using certain language to make a point. but i don't think i've ever felt as strongly abt anything on dv as half of the ppl here do. if i found out anji was actively currently donating $ to an organization that funded conversion therapy or something like that, THEN i'd be like "okay i'm leaving dv i'm never spending money here again" and all of that. but just simple stuff like "updates are too slow" "the custom system is fucked up" "staff communication is bad"... to me, these are all things that can probly improve with time and better site resources. that i can easily stand to just curiously wait around for.

 i don't feel like i lose anything by staying, or that i'd gain anything by leaving. i'm very invested in the concept of dv and want it to do well, but maybe i'm invested in a v detached way or something. i just can't bring myself to be outrage level mad abt this stuff bc it's all just pixels and shit at the end of the day. most of the "major dv scandals" just remind me of similar issues with other games ive been on early in their start, or working on weirdly managed creative group projects in college, or other things. nothing so far has been unbearably bad to me, or even close to it. i've seen it all before. or if i haven't i get where it comes from.  

and idk even after all the bullshit with them, i guess i still kinda trust staff to improve? maybe i give the benefit of the doubt too often. i just feel like none of it is intentional. i think they don't have proper funding or management skills, and they're not used to running a website like this. it's all just growing pains that they have to sort out and learn from. and there's evidence that certain aspects are still steadily improving over time. will they improve fast enough before every other person except me leaves dv out of frustration or whatever? idk, i hope so. but i don't lose anything by just hanging around to see. at the least its an interesting experience and a study in online communities. at the best, the site genuinely does fix it's issues and i'll be glad i hung around.

just sometimes reading stuff on here... i start to feel like i'm the only one who's kinda chilling in the back while everyone else is predicting dv's downfall, getting into rlly heated arguments, writing manifestos abt why they're going to leave or whatever lol.. it's good to see ppl so passionate abt something but that also makes it a strange and tense environment. it can feel surreal to be surrounded by it all. ykwim? 

[maverick-guy]

These effing dark circles...

I'm loathing my appearance these past few weeks bc of my dark circles.

Shutaena mga mhie, malelessen na sana yung insecurities ko sa'king dark circles kung hindi ako ang piniling isa sa maging "brand ambassadors" ng company namin. Inis na inis ako sa tuwing nagfi-film ako ng videos for social media content. Oks sa akin yong delivery ko, yong "character" ng boses ko, pero I stil end up deleting them & start from scratch kasi mukha akong walang tulog ng isang linggo. I even have to put powder once in a while para ma-lessen somehow yong darkness pero nandoon pa rin.

Sa tuwing naghahanap ako ng trending sounds sa TikTok to use (for context, I'm the social media person sa company namin), I get PLENTY of videos sa fyp ng TikTok account ng company namin about reducing dark circles. Shuta, nangaasar ata 'tong FYP??? HAHAHAHA

I tried a handful of products na rin such as yung The Ordinary na Caffeine at Luxe Organix na eye cream but no improvement. Last week, kakabili ko lang ng eye de-puff mask and eye got u na trending sa TikTok. Also started taking vitamin C and collagen 'cause mom told me this'll help reduce the puffiness sa aking undereyes.

Naiinis na talaga ako. Nandoon naman yong dedication and willingness ko to make videos for our company pero p0taena talaga tong dark circles. Nakakababa ng confidence! Sa sobrang pago-overthink ko feeling ko pinagtsitsismisan ako ng mga iba kong ka-work na sana di na lang ako ang nagfi-film for video content kasi mukha akong puyat.

Pero for what it's worth, my boss commended me naman na I'm doing a great job in showing on cam for our company's social media pages. Siguro ayun na lang muna ang gagamitin kong pampalubag-loob. Sana by December 2022 ay mag-glow up na ako nang bongga!!!

K, yun lang.

[winderlylandchime]

Hello! Just a few answers to your replies: i genuinely think the reason the doctors and nurses gave him his little present, is because he was there for the first like 2/3 months almost every other day. And then every week like twice or so. So he was constantly there, talking about qaf and about other random shit and he always brought them snacks that they liked. His 2nd visit he was showing pictures of his friends to the nurses as if they know each other. So i think he has a way to force himself into a persons heart, i guess. But i will also say, the staff was full of sweethearts so that was probably a big reason too. AND YES THE SURGEON WATCHED IT. We flipped out on our drive back home. He really forced doctors and random people to watch a tv show he was obsessed with. Kind of iconic of him ngl. And you are not the only one who had questions! The prom bashing was the entire topic of our ride back home. And he was way ahead of you because he thought about calling the doctor as well but after I and like 5 other people told him not to, he thankfully didn’t. I think he would if he was left alone with a phone.

Just so you know: my brother actually fell to the floor dramatically because he realized maybe 5 minutes after i clicked send, that he mixed up prom ep and 2x20. And then he laid in the middle of the living room while our dad just stepped over him while talking on the phone with a coworker as if it was nothing. After that we got into a fight because he said I should’ve caught his error and I said that he told me to just do and write what he says and then he said I should’ve known better than to listen to him. Bottom line is, our dad sent us both to our rooms because he was sick of us. He also said your spouse sounds fucking cool as fuck because of their ‘Brian Kinney’ era.

The only thing he said after he read your WIP fics responses was ‘well, whatever her and that person who is doing a Hannah Montana with two accounts write next, I’m fucking seated for it. Ready to read’ so, i guess you have a groupie.

And as for the assignments you gave him, he actually laughed at it (nicely not in a bad way) and asked me to reply to you by telling you: that he actually years ago deleted all his social media (the idiot wanted to avoid Marvel spoilers) and then after that it just kind of became a habit. He did think about making an instagram account because for a brief second, he lived in a world where Gale Harold was active on social media. And when he found out that wasn’t the case, he actually went ‘well fuck that then.’ He (i so wish this was a joke bc i was upset yesterday over this btw i will tell you in a second why) gets all his info about anything pop culture related from his friends who do have social media. So his best friend sends him like screenshots of shit they see on IG or whatever. And yesterday THIS is how he found out that Dan and Ron did a podcast interview(?) with Liberty Diner Dish. Because he asked his friend a month ago to check if Mr Harold is active and his friend now just casually keeps tabs on qaf stuff for him (not that he has much to keep up with). And sends him random shit he sees. Anyway, he came to me and showed me the podcast on Spotify and i was actually shocked because he found this before I did. Like what the fuck happened? So he doesn’t actually have any social media. He had a Facebook but mom made him delete it because he used it to bully some of our no contact family members cause of their political views. He had a twitter account from the years 2016-2021…I bet you can guess why.. yes, it was to bully a certain dude and certain groups of people. I will say though, that he did actually really think about making a tumblr account and i was rooting for it and tried to make it happen because why should i be the only one to deal with this shit? But in the end he decided against it. He didn’t really say why or anything like that but I think he kind of likes not being on social media. Which ngl is so fucking ironic because of all of this.

Dear sweet anon! I just finished posting the final chapter of Fireflies and then logged into tumblr dot com and your messages are my reward.

I am so glad we are all on the same page of realizing that a trauma surgeon would have AMAZING insight into the prom arc. (Psst brother, when your sister isn’t looking go ahead and call your doctor…)

Dying over you and your brother arguing like siblings (which you are) about the 2x20 fic idea so badly that your dad sent you to your rooms!

I think I’m going to tackle the drag queen AU next (yikes! it’s going to be a big fic.) and @kiranerysed just started posting a new fic that’s based loosely on how IRL friend of mine met his husband.

I will say… tumblr is not social media. It’s *technically* a microblogging platform. So, y’know, if he wants to remain a social media purist, he still can. Also I adore that your mom made him delete FB after 2016. And that he had a twitter account just for harassing a certain orange idiot.

Put also! The Liberty Diner Dish have an episode with Dan and Ron?!?! I haven’t ever listened to it but I know of it. Is the episode any good? Does it make you hate them less? More?

[daydreamrry]

ok so I’m gonna rant about how fucked up this fandom is and how I ended up getting KICKED OUT ( I literally got kicked out. Like asked to fucking leave) of the harrie fandom/ stan Twitter lmfaoo

So one of my biggest pet peeves are people who a.) don’t take accountability for their shit and b.) act like two faced hypocrites

A couple years ago one of my bestest friends ( who I met over stan Twitter) called me in hysterics bc she saw all over her tl people making fun of her and her body. A quick look at her bio you would know that she suffers terribly with an ED and these are the people that are supposed to TPWK?? Yea ok sure. Harries are infamous for their performative activism.

So that pissed me off and anytime I would confront a moot who was part of the bullying their response was “but my moots were doing it” or “it’s not that deep lmao it’s just a joke” these are 20 fucking something year old bitches who really think that just bc some stranger on the internet thought it was ok to bully someone then it’s cool if everyone did it ?? Like make that make sense to me.

I ended up going off like that was my last straw. I can send you ss of my thread that I made before I deleted my account but basically I said how fucked up and how entitled ppl get behind a Harry pfp and long story short I ended up getting kicked out bc “that’s how we do things here” and “ clearly i think im to cool for the fandom” and I’m “ Turing into ms. Righteous” 🙄 all bc I said that cyber bullying isn’t ok and keeping 20 year old bitches accountable for their mistakes.

I also went to One Night Only in 2019 and I literally watched a girl get jumped by other fans. Turns out ( I saw it later on twitter that night) the girl who got jumped showed up in jeans and t-shirt and god forbid someone feel comfortable at a damn near 2 hour long concert 🙄

All in all harries love to act like rainbows and butterflies when anyone on Harry’s team is active on social media but they are really the most toxic cult community I’ve ever seen. The fandom is so divided with who they ship him with to having full fights and throwing slurs over if Dunkirk or LHH is better.

Anyways that’s my two cents. This turned out to be Waugh longer than I expected lmaoo

the way my jaw dropped while reading this, i don't even have words. this is why i choose to stay away from twitter, knowing that is where all of the toxic fans are, and i don't interact with a lot of harry related tik tok videos either because even the tik tok community is toxic. the worst part is that these are literal adults who act this immature and childish. the teenage harries are young and very gullible, and the way these adult fans are acting tells the young ones that it's okay to be disrespectful and cyberbully people. how fucked up is that? you can't do anything in this fandom and i mean anything. you can't say that you don't like one outfit of harry's, you can't say that you don't like one of his songs, you can't say that his girlfriend is problematic, you can't say that he should be more grateful for his fans, you can't say a single thing without being attacked and it's gross. guarantee these are the same people who have "TPWK" in their bio. harry deserves so much better. it's always the kind, most genuine celebrities who have the worst fans, and these fans are the ones who put a bad image on harry.

[legionnaireslover]

And the Haters are at it again...

Trying to convince everyone within earshot that BC is about to be replaced as Doctor Strange.

Gator posted an "anon" comment about actors being replaced by Disney/Marvel. They ended the post with...

"

And of course Gator posting this is to shore up the Hater narrative that BC's marriage is ruining his career! But looking closely at the examples given in the post and it's easy to see just how stupid and flimsy this whole "he can be replaced if he doesn't stop "The Sham" narrative is.

I'm not going to post the actual anon screed (it's VERY poorly written) but I will go over the actors cited by this "anon" as ones dumped by Disney/Marvel and you can decide if their problems are comparable to Ben's situation.

First we have Letitia Wright. The anon introduced the post with a article from "D-listed" gossiping about the possibility of LW being replaced Michaela Coel in the Black Panther sequel. Not that she HAS replaced LW but that they think she might. Reasons... well for one thing LW apparently went on an anti-vax, anti-science rant on Twitter and then deleted said offensive material but not before it was seen by a LOT of people. To quote from the speculative piece -

"As you may recall, last December Leticia squandered much of the goodwill she earned playing the smartest scientist in all of the MCU when she shared a bat-shit video from self-proclaimed profit Tomi Arayomi in which he “questions the legitimacy of the COVID-19 vaccination, appears sceptical of climate change, accuses China of spreading COVID-19, and makes transphobic comments.” After sparring a bit on Twitter with folks who thought it wasn’t so cool for the person playing the smartest scientist in all of the MCU to be spreading antiscience religious doctrine, Letitia completely deleted all her social media. While Variety says that Letitia is among the original BP cast members who “will likely reprise their roles,” TMZ is not so sure."

So, she posted a religious cult-like rant from a transphobic, anti-science, anti-vax, racist, climate change denier and got enough blowback that she pulled out of her social media account and even with ALL THAT it's only rumoured that she will be replaced! Does BC's actions in the last 7+ years sound anywhere close to this type of behaviour?

Next we have other examples the anon listed to support the argument that BC is on thin ice when it comes to his career with Disney.

1) "They replaced that chic on the Madalorian". Anon means Gina Carano who was fired by Lucasfilm because of her outrageous behaviour on her social media account.

To quote from a Collider article -

"The former MMA fighter has been stirring up controversy on social media for quite some time now, including but not limited to transphobic tweets, mocking the wearing of masks during the COVID-19 pandemic, and spreading misinformation about voter fraud. Fans of The Mandalorian have routinely been calling for her to be fired, and Lucasfilm finally made the decision Wednesday evening — although THR reports that the studio has been “looking for a reason to fire her for two months.”

So, she had been displaying behaviour that went completely against the philosophy of the company and doing it for some time. As a spokesperson said "her social media posts denigrating people based on their cultural and religious identities are abhorrent and unacceptable."

Is this person's behaviour comparable to how BC has comported himself?

2) "they replaced Terrance Howard in Iron Man 2 with Don Cheadle." And then this "anon" goes on theorize that it had to do with salaries . But when you look at this Terrance fellow, what pops up? Well, according to Wikipedia...

"February 2009, it was reported on The Smoking Gun that Howard was arrested in 2001 for a variety of charges related to a violent attack on his estranged first wife, including simple assault, terrorist threats, harassment and stalking. According to police reports, he arrived at her house after an argument on the phone, forced entry into her home by breaking in doors, and chased her into the backyard where he punched her twice in the face with a closed fist. The violent attack ended when Howard's brother stepped in. In 2002, he pleaded guilty to disturbing the peace"

it goes on to say "In a September 2015 interview with Rolling Stone, Howard admitted to hitting his first wife in 2001 saying, "she was talking to me real strong, and I lost my mind and slapped her in front of the kids."

All this was coming out just before his salary was chopped by Marvel to a minuscule amount and he was replaced when he left Iron Man 2.

So again, how's BC's public reputation stack up to a person convicted of attacking a woman?

Not even close I would wager!

BC has a near sparkling reputation when compared to the likes of these replaced actors! Sure he's had some minor bumps (he isn't perfect) but he's NEVER publicly embarrassed the company making his movies! He's NEVER been convicted of beating on a woman!

He is a kind, generous, non-scandalous celebrity who works hard, stays out of social media scraps and is constantly praised by all who have worked with him. He's a committed father and husband and holds the values that many forward thinking, intelligent people do.

Other than the Haters (and occasionally their gossip mouthpiece "Enty") there's RARELY been even a whisper about him in the gossip rags ESPECIALLY since his marriage to Sophie! Why? BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT! NO SCANDAL! HAPPILY MARRIED FAMILY MAN!

End of story!

So why would Marvel be looking to dump him? ANSWER: THEY WOULDN'T!

[bimbosupreme]

(It's me again) I was considering sending multiple asks, but I did not want to spam you^^° Also, thanks for inviting my into your DM's, but I must admit that I have deleted my tumblr account a while ago. I have considered making a twitter since most Douman fans seem to be there, but the risk of people I know irl discovering me there (even if I try to keep personal information to a minimum) is too high and generally creating new social media accounts gives me anxiety. I'm available on Discord tho

FIRST I WANNA APOLOGIZE BECAUSE THIS IS A LONG READ, but it’s only long bc I wanna make sure I’ve covered everything 😭😭

Anon if it’s like, relevant stuff I don’t mind being sent multiple asks lol don’t worry (although I get it bc some people would not like that so I appreciate the consideration)

& ohhh ok ok, the great thing about Twitter is that like tumblr it doesn’t ask for u to put up your personal stuff, actually when I started Twitter I didn’t put up anything other than drawings of smt iv & nothing else regarding personal info (even now all I have is my age and nickname bc I don’t want minors following me) and like some years later I made friends off of that - so it’s worked out great for me

so the “Twitter experience” can be whatever u want it to be, I’ve seen accounts that just retweet art & don’t say anything. So if I were u, I’d make one just to follow all the douman artists out there

I totally get the aversion to Twitter tho there are some WEIRDOS out there but you really have to stick your nose in some replies on some nasty tweets to see em lol but any unwanted negative site interaction is from weirdos that search up specific terms into the search bar, see your tweet that mentions that term, and try to get into arguments with you, and u can just block them easily — I haven’t had this happen to me but I’ve seen it a couple of times , plus like I said u don’t even have to tweet stuff, you can just follow artists and then your timeline should be nothing but fanart

Although my biggest annoyance with Twitter is that if you do decide to start one it’ll be like “add people from your contacts” and it’ll have their Twitter accounts up that u can see— and I would assume anyone on ur contacts list, if they decide to make a Twitter, would be able to see your account —but again I personally think if you put up absolutely no information about yourself (you could even fake a nickname) you should be safe

& yeah no I totally get the social anxiety that comes w making a social media account but my friends that also dislike social media just use Twitter to follow artists or we just dm but that’s it

I hardly use discord bc that involves wrestling with my shit pc if I wanna use the pc version and I hate sitting at my computer for a long amount of time (I don’t have a laptop 😔) and I barely open the discord app on my phone (plus it’s a pain in the ass to want to participate in a chat but have to type on mobile since I’d rather type using a keyboard) buuuut I still have one

Typically most people say “only mutuals add me” but I don’t really care so

DarkMoonBlade#3946

If u decide to a end an invite just lemme know who u are —the thing I wanna stress the most is that I don’t want u to feel pressure to add me or do anything you don’t want to & I hope these came across as suggestions rather than some passive aggresive nudging to do stuff

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Hello! (Different anon here). So, re the recent discussions abt the MCU/Disney as imperialist propaganda, how do you think we as fans should approach the issue? Bc--I mean personally speaking I only engage w Disney properties via fandom, don't reblog (cont.)

(part 2) or promote the films/shows themselves, but still worry about the issues of fan complicity in corporate mythmaking. And I totally understand that the answer is "it's complicated", but I wanted to hear your thoughts?

Hi ^-^

It is a complicated matter and I think there’s two major perspective on which you can see the issue and I don’t think one is ‘right’ and the other ‘wrong’, they’re both valid points and sadly coexist. (Not to be like ‘we live in a society’ but we cannot decide to exit capitalism, we can only move inside it.)

One is fandom as resistance: by engaging with the text in a manner that deconstructs it and that transforms it (transformative works that queer the text up, for instance), I am doing an exercise in resistance, and my act of putting queerness in a text that evades it is radical.

The other is fandom as advertising: we’re effectively giving visibility and attaching positive connotations to a product. How many people check out shows after seeing gifsets and fanart on tumblr? A lot. We should be consuming “good” media (say, indie content over megacorporation stuff) and giving visibility to that.

I don’t think that refusing to engage with the “problematic” text at all lest we dirty our hands by making ourselves complicit of the system is a particularly fruitful approach (obviously I’m talking about collective actions, individually one can just do whatever they want within the limits of manners, it’s fandom), it seems to me more like an act of purity. Transformative works have a long, long history and I do think there’s power in that history. Transformative works do help people. And “problematic” media attracts fandoms because there’s so much fertile ground for transformation.

Also, not less importantly imo, it’s not like you can trace a line between Evil Media and Good Media. The MCU is so blatant it’s not really difficult to see it, but how much media just incorporates values that are just mainstream in the culture that produced it and are not good? How do you trace a line? Is Drarry fanfiction advertising for Rowling? Should we stop it at all? What counts as propaganda? Must it have gone through the pencil of the American military or also not?

Maybe I’m just trying to justify my own actions, but I think that maybe we kind of overstate our own importance...? Disney spends billions on marketing, and unless it turns out half of you are Disney accounts swaying the population like the Russian blogs in 2016, I’m not even sure fandom is really that big a part of the marketing strategy. (Do we stop watching actors’ interviews? Is Anthony Mackie’s face problematic during a marketing tour? We end up in directions I’m not comfortable with.) I mean, I know that social media activity is still part of the marketing strategy, and an important one at that. But social media activity comes in many forms and some of those are transformative. Where do you trace the line? Edits are good but gifsets are bad? What about a gifset with different captions that make the scene gay? Slash fanart? Non-slash fanart? Fanart of a canon straight ship? (Hint: none of those are bad.)

Something else I want to point out: this kind of talk comes up when they (not just Disney) make content aimed at progressive audiences. It’s natural. An audience that will pay attention to this kind of issues will not really care about stuff that doesn’t really ping their radar. But the result is that it seems like we’re particularly vicious against “good” things: movies with a female lead, shows with a Black lead. You’ll see arguments like “oh, you weren’t saying this before, but you’re saying it for this product about a woman/Black person so you’re misogynist/racist!”. That’s in bad faith. Of course it stands out when the propaganda is done in something that markets itself as progressive. Nobody really goes to see Macho Batman With Biceps Feels Manly Angst #37 and expects intersectional feminism in it. But they make a movie with a female lead for the first time since 1926, and you’re like “oh? Maybe good? Maybe one good thing finally?” and then brown-skinned people with beards in sandy places want more bombs. Guess which one progressive-leaning people will talk about the most?

I have one Harry Potter fic on my ao3. It’s something I wrote as a teen and found a few years ago and, while it’s not really great, I decided to publish it. I recently debated with myself whether to delete it. I didn’t want to have something related to Rowling on my account. But then I thought, then what? Should everyone delete all Harry Potter fanart ever? Sure, no one will miss my old fic because it’s bad, but that’s not the point. Do I think that deleting HP fics is a “good” gesture? Then do I think everyone should do the same? No. The world of HP fanworks is vast and rich and has a lot of beauty in it. Same with the MCU fandom.

This said, individually one chooses. If you’re personally uncomfortable engaging with a text, you stop engaging with that text. If you want to make transformative works of the most problematic text ever, you make them. (And really, who decides what is too problematic for posting on tumblr about it? Fandom’s still having debates on that nazi manga with the big monsters.) Mega-popular texts are also good collective exercises in text analysis and further debates because they become a common language for many people. (There’s also the fact that the MCU didn’t create the characters, and they have actually a long and often powerful history, although that’s not a culture I’m familiar with.)

Tl,dr... don’t subscribe to the platform :p

[joshler]

regarding my last post

tw// topics relate to suicide/suicide prevention, racism, and bullying

before i get put on blast for “being white” or whatever the replies have accused me of: no, i’m actually a queer asian poc! my dad is a chinese immigrant from hong kong and my mom is cambodian who immigrated to america from vietnam during the vietnam war. i support blm 1000% bc i feel that as a fellow minority, we are on the same team. we’ve felt oppression, in different degrees, yes, but oppression nonetheless. i wanted to clear the air in regards to myself personally because the things aimed at me in the replies of my last post were insensitive and ignorant when you do not personally know me.

i would like to say i’m more of an update page at this point for TWENTY ONE PILOTS. i’m not here to get political, but i do want to say some things in regard to yesterday’s twitter incident with tyler joseph. first of all, YIKES. the joke was distasteful and the entire “thread” on everything he made yesterday had the worse timing in the history of ever. the platform “joke” was in regards to everybody pressuring for him to say something on current events such as blm, lebanon, etc. those things are very important and i have already done many things on my part to support blm and lebanon including donations, signing petitions, and posting on my main social media accounts (i’ve really ghosted tumblr) with ways others can help. i put links to resources, petitions, and places to donate among other helpful sites. the way tyler handled things yesterday was really idiotic on his part. with that dumb joke, he could have immediately linked blm and apologized right afterwards which is what should have been done. instead, he moved on into a tangent regarding mental health and suicide awareness. i understand what he was trying to say, but in the heat of the political movement RIGHT NOW, shifting the conversation to mental health while it should have been about blm was a terrible choice on his part. even if he connected how mental health and blm tied in together, it would have been great for what he was trying to say.

WHAT HE MEANT for all of the sjws jumping on this bc “a white man is being racist and using his privilege”: september is suicide prevention month. tyler’s intensions with the platform tweet was to make fun of everyone mass tweeting him for the past few months (you cannot make people do things). he was NOT mocking blm or any political movement. that platform joke was supposed to lead into talking about mental health. for anyone who doesn’t know, tyler is a very meticulous person. there’s no doubt he’s planned talking about this stuff for a long time. the fucking band’s moto is “stay alive” so of course mental health is a huge part of twenty one pilots culture, and tyler would want to talk about it. at the same time, that doesn’t mean i’m at all excusing him for not immediately speaking on behalf of blm in yesterday’s tweets. once he saw that what he was saying was not received as he thought it would be, tyler apologized for hurting anyone and sent out the links.

this is not the first time he has talked about blm either (as seen above). his band mate (josh) and wife (jenna) have spoken on behalf of blm as well. debby ryan (josh’s wife) has been the most vocal in regards to everything going on right now. for you strangers out there to jump on here and to call him this and that is doing nothing but spreading negativity. you are wasting your own time. instead of badgering people, how about taking your business elsewhere or at least trying to educate others. do not come onto my replies just to make trouble. as fans, you can’t just say “we don’t personally know them” while you know even less than we do since you just popped in when shit hit the fan for them and they turned “problematic.” tyler did what was right at the end of the day. i am not praising him at all, but he has at least apologized and learned his lesson.

in regards to them being rich and not donating: nobody knows what they’ve done behind the scenes. i personally donated to many blm funds and to the red cross in lebanon, and nobody knows that until now! just because you donate does not mean you are obligated to publicly blast that for everybody to know. your money is going to a cause that you support, and that should only really matter to you. celebrities are no exception to that idea.

fun fact: tyler has a niece named mercy on his wife’s side! she is black and tyler and his wife are extremely close to her and her family. to come out of no where just to call him racist and all that when you in fact don’t know a thing about him besides some surface tweets is uncalled for. in regards to being silent on the crisis in lebanon, tyler is part lebanese! without a doubt, he’s donated to some sort of lebanon aid fund. but again, we will never know.

for those of you upset about the platforms: dollskill isn’t the only site that sells those boots! dollskill is certainly the most popular brand the shoes are on, but if you look them up, the platforms pop up else where as well. to blatantly say “oh he supports dollskill so he’s racist/homophobic/supports the police/all the shit that company stands for” is just as ignorant as you think he is!  dollskill as a company is complete shit. i don’t support them at all. many people think they’re from dollskill mainly because of this one instagram page that’s all about finding the exact/similar clothing to what tyler/josh/jenna/debby have worn, but we cannot be 100% sure that they were purchased from dollskill. that shit company steals from other smaller artists/designers, remember? (that same instagram account reuploaded a link to a different store who is selling them, as found here)

if you still have beef with tyler and what he said, there’s really no point in bickering just to call complete strangers “stupid” or “clowns” or just really hurtful names! you are screaming into an abyss and hurting others at the same time. there is a fine line between straight up bullying and educating others on bettering their understanding with what is currently going on. my intensions behind the post was to show that he had become active again. we are a fandom, and i like to update my page when they post new pictures. that is simply what i did. i made THIS post to clear the air on what people were saying about ME. i deleted tumblr off my phone because what was being said was just belittling and i didn’t want to see that when this whole situation with what tyler did already made me upset. feel free to dm me if you would like to talk about anything. i would be happy to discuss any points that i’ve mentioned. i would much rather have a civil conversation than be picked on through replies and anonymous messages.

at the end of the day, not everyone can always have satisfied and that’s okay. if anything, this entire situation truly opened my eyes to that. hopefully you read through this whole thing before you put anything on blast again.

here’s this, too. they do care.

summary: sorry on behalf of tyler joseph. he needs to work on reading the room better.

[sunsmitten]

     This is something that’s been bothering me lately and i feel the need to give my two cents. im starting to see homophobic comments abt gay ships on my dash and while the people saying them may not think it’s homophobic, it is. no one has to really read this, it’s just something i want to put out there. it’s my personal experience with a group of people that were very Straight Ship centered, heteronormative, and would frequently make the very same comments others are starting to make here: “gay ships are being shoved down my throat so now i hate gay shipping and want nothing to do with it” or you know, stuff along those lines. if two people rping two girls kissing or two boys kissing bothers you in any way, literally, in any way at all, it is homophobia. and here’s a good chunk of how shit like that grows and can become something very harmful;

when i very first started rping on tumblr i had made an oc ( both the oc and blog are looooong gone by now ) that wasn’t very attracted to women romantically or sexually. he didn’t define his sexuality, but throughout that blog i made it clear he wasn’t really into women.

i eventually made friends with this group of people who also rped on tumblr. in the beginning everything was fine, great and fun! but after some time they would make me feel bad for only putting my oc in a relationship with a man. in order for me to be included and not repeatedly discarded by them, i would actively have to put my oc in a ‘straight ship.’ and unfortunately, that’s what i did. i immediately noticed a difference with how they treated me when i finally shipped my guy oc with one of their girls oc’s, and i would have to repeatedly sit through them saying transphobic and homophobic comments abt other people’s ships and muses ( it was the transphobia in this community that made me leave in the first place ). they would constantly express their bitterness towards m/m and f/f shipping on the internet bc it was “more popular” than their m/f ships, and when i would try to explain how that wasn’t a good viewpoint to have, I would be ostracized, guilt tripped, and forced to apologize and ‘admit’ that i was wrong.

as i got older and more comfortable with my sexuality, i really only ever viewed/read content centered around m/m and f/f because like. im gay. and i wanna see gay shit, ya know? but that didn’t really fly with them. they’d would continuously make me feel guilty for this, call me misogynistic for liking m/m and f/f over m/f because to them being gay and wanting to see gay content makes me hate women, and i was called the big word itself. Heterophobic. 

one of the girls in particular, we’ll call her S, was very keen on telling me how awful of a person i was bc of my preference, how ‘straight shipping is oppressed’ on the internet and im only ‘feeding into the oppression.’ for 4 years she would manipulate me and make me feel guilty not only for the type of media i consumed, but for my sexuality in general. it got so bad to the point that i would have frequent panic attacks and i still got the throw up stain on my carpet to prove it ( i got one so bad bc of her i puked all over my bedroom floor and then fainted ). when i would try to reach out to the others abt what was happening behind the scenes, i’d either be ignored or my feelings were invalidated. to me, she was toxic, to everyone else, she was a wonderful friend. but that doesn’t excuse or make her treatment of me ok and it took along time for me to realize that. 

again, please keep in mind this went on for 4 years. this started when i was finally comfortable with myself and then to be thrown in and stuck in this situation bc i was too much of a coward to leave really fucks with a person. her distaste, hatefulness, and bitter attitude for gay people/characters/shipping was all taken out on me every week for 4 years. i’m doing my very best not over-dramatize this but yeah, it was every week for 4 years she would send me paragraphs of how terrible i was for just being me. how shitty i was as a person, how im a terrible friend, how the content i liked wasn’t fair to her, a straight person, that i was predatory for being a masculine identifying person looking at other guys, and how lucky i was to have a friend like her that tells me when i’m ‘in the wrong.’ 

near the end of last year she sent me another one of these multi-paragraph messages. at this point, i had finally become very aware how fucked up of a person she is and how i was never in the wrong through any of this like she originally made me believe. instead of agreeing with her and apologizing, a ended up snapping back. i told her how i felt, how she wasn’t being fair to me, and that i felt she was being very homophobic. admittedly, her response wasn’t at all like i had expected. She apologized, told me i had opened her eyes to some things and she’ll work on getting better. this made me happy! i thought that maybe we could continue our friendship without anymore of the BS. 

after that i took a good break from being online. i needed some time for myself and i needed to think some things over about my life. during this time, i realized how lax i was with S, how i let her and that whole friend group get away with so many things and i began to wonder if i should even go back. even after that talk i had with her, she was still very defensive against homosexual relationships and would get angry if someone expressed more interest in gay media than straight media. 

i was away for a good couple months, i was healing and rising above that bad mentality she forced on me. i logged out of all social media and messenger apps so there was no way her or anyone from that group could contact me. i hadn’t heard from her in months, until i received a letter in the mail. She wrote me a letter. A two paged letter. A LETTER. A REAL, WHOLE ASS LETTER. just so she can continue to try and tear me down. she started by telling me how much she missed me, a little starter paragraph kissing my ass until it, very abruptly, turned into the usual “youre shit, terrible, bad, you have no respect for me or anything i create, you hate me bc im a straight woman-” you get it. but this time i didn’t care! nothing she said in that letter got to me like it used to. the only thing that bothered me was her persistence to make me feel bad. she genuinely wanted to continue to hurt me. but with that time away and probably because i was so used to it by then, it didn’t faze me. 

i eventually went back to social media and kept my distance from that friend group. i still considered them my friends, bc when things were good, i had a lot of fun! and wanted to keep that in my life. But, I blocked S. I blocked her on everything so there’d be no way for her to contact me and if she wrote me another letter, i would simply rip it up. i made it clear i wanted to go our separate ways with no hard feelings, i didn’t talk to anyone abt what she had done. no mention whatsoever. i carried on my merry way bc i was moving past it. She did not. 

When she figured out i had blocked her, she threw a tantrum. she twisted my words and painted me as the villain by showing out of context screenshots of what i had sent in response to her second to last message ( the one before the letter ). she told the people i was still friends with that i abused her for years bc she was straight and put me on full blast on the internet. she did this because i blocked her.

it all happened in the time span of a second; i lost all my friends, i was blocked by everyone and not only called a piece of shit by her, but by everyone i still cared deeply about. i was forced to delete all my social media accounts so i wouldn’t continue to be put on blast. for a week i was upset bc really, who wouldn’t be? but after that week i realized that if these people i called my friends just took S’s word for it and were all so eager to tear me apart bc she said so, they were never my friends. they never cared about me so why should i care if im not with them anymore? it was a real eye opening moment and my dudes, im doing fucking great. im so much happier without them all in my life and i can finally do the shit i want. be gay and indulge on harmless gay content. 

so! to make the moral of the story clear. The people that are so butt hurt over gay shipping being more popular than straight shipping are people not to be trusted. it may seem unfair to lump them all into a category, and im not saying they’re all as toxic as S, but their mentality is homophobic. disliking anything gay bc it’s not straight, is homophobic. straight people are constantly represented in every source of media and if someone is bothered by the fact that gay people are indulging in gay shipping in the rpc, they are homophobic. there’s no way around it.

im still getting over S and all that she did. i know without her i wouldn't be as tough as i am now and unapologetic with what i like, but there’s a good part of me that wishes i never met her or that friend group. bc of her i struggle with my self esteem and my own internalized homophobia that only formed after i met her. i’ve come along way in the months after i officially cut myself off from them, but i know this is something that’s going to take some time. 

[ghostmaggie]

but also tell me about one of your grebecca fics

ooh ok SO even though I knew I was gonna ship rethaniel before I even started watching the show I was a pretty big grbecca fan in their day.

And yet! I never really had any fic ideas for them until new greg but also i didn't really like new greg so maybe that's why I was sparked? Bc neither of them are new greg lol.

"for the girl with a smile that can take your breath away" (title from "she's got a boyfriend now" by boys like girls) is straight up just a "what if greg came back and he and rebecca were both in a better place and fit" fic that I'll never write because I'm no longer interested in that possibility because s4 kind of made me doubt it is even possible oop

But "letting people down is my thing, baby" is one I wish I still felt like writing (even tho I don't really). Since I'm probably not going to, I'll share basically all I wrote for it.

Basically: au where Josh ill-advisedly invites Greg to his and Rebecca's wedding. Greg agrees to go because Self Hate. The wedding implodes as per canon and Rebecca and Greg bump into each other at the venue's bar, where she flips on him for (probably just almost) falling off the wagon and they end up arguing about who's fucked up the most.

--

Greg doesn’t get an invitation to Josh and Rebecca’s wedding in the mail. He doesn’t even get one of the fancy, flowery save-the-dates he’s one hundred percent positive Rebecca made.

Really, there’s no good reason he should even know the wedding is happening. He’d blocked Rebecca on every kind of social media while he sat in the plane to Atlanta, waiting for takeoff. Josh’s accounts had followed a few weeks later, when he found himself helplessly scouring them late at night, looking for any sign of her, fingers itching for a cold glass of—beer. Scotch. Whatever.

He didn’t delete their numbers, though, during the purge. Despite everything, Josh was his best friend, and Rebecca was...well. Anyway, he didn’t delete their numbers. Just in case. It’s not like they ever texted him, anyway.

Josh Chan / 3:47pm

Hey bro

Greg stares at the screen. For a long time. Like if he doesn’t blink it will somehow change the shape of the letters, or their order, or something.

[Josh invites him to the wedding and greg decides to go, knowing it’s a terrible idea]

If he’s going to go out, he might as well go out in a spectacular fashion. A fitting end for a shitshow.

--

title from just one yesterday by fall out boy. relevant surrounding lyrics:

letting people down is my thing, baby.

find yourself a new gig;

this town ain’t big enough for two of us.

Doc was made January 2019.

Ask me about my dragon's hoard of half-baked fic ideas!

[xtsyb4by]

if ur a bored bitch like me here’s some shit u can do to occupy ur mind with, these r just things i do/im tryna do to help pass time cuz ik it’s fkn difficult being at home with nothing to do but think lmao: (feel free to add to the list)

- clean yo room!!! no excuses bitch, u have time now. clean room = clean mind. i’m not saying you gotta do a full deep clean but idk change ur sheets, organise ur closet, vacuum the floor, clean ur mirrors. it doesn’t have to be major, anything is better than nothing.

- make, edit or re arrange your music playlists. i do this a lot bc it takes a while. go to ur playlists and delete any songs you don’t listen to, add some new ones you like, make a whole diff playlist for different moods and settings. maybe change the name or cover pic if you want.

- exercise. now bitch i’m not a fitness junky so i’m not telling you to do some 30 min work out bs lmao, if that’s ur thing u do u but if ur lazy like me then opt for something shorter. i found a 3 min workout on yt for a smaller waist, the girl goes thru the exercises in real time so you can do it as the vid plays. ofc u don’t have to do everything on the list maybe challenge urself to complete 2 of those exercises every couple of days. don’t set ur standards so high, work your way up. link - https://youtu.be/UmjecVlllCk

- clean up your social media. unfollow people you don’t talk to/inactive accounts, delete posts you might not like in comparison to others. maybe make a new post? remove inactive followers.

- clean up your camera roll. i hoard so much crap on my photo gallery idek why, but go thru that shit and delete the stuff you know you’re never gonna use. or download google photos, it saves all ur photos/vids on the app so you can delete them off the photo gallery without actually losing them (idk if that makes sense but yh) everything’s backed up on the app so when you log on the things that have been on ur photo gallery are on the app.

- binge watch a new tv series. yes ik not everyone has netflix, amazon prime, hulu idk what else ppl use. theres plenty of dodgy sites that you can use (i’m not gonna list them) *cough, 123movies, Gostream* but some things i’ve enjoyed watching are; rupauls drag race, shameless (usa version), prison break, on my block, skins uk, russian doll, orange is the new black, top boy summer house, you, sex education, when they see us, narcos, the good place, the act, rick and morty, no jack horseman, the assassination of gianna versace, the end of the f***ing world, black mirror.

ok my minds gone blank so yeah, ik the list isn’t very long so pls feel free to add stuff to it! - xtsy

[gg-astrology]

Update Pt. II: Self-Realization and What I’m Going to do with my Old Posts

i.e. You ever experience having Big Fear of saying something on a subject, but being scared someone/something is going to Crash Down on you with a c/o about how Wrong you are? Here’s how I’m dealing with emotions and expectations and Big Fear of Consequences (incase it helps, but its just my personal experience + thoughts) 💕❤️💗

🚫long post🚫

*this is still just an update on what’s been happening in my life?? So this is literally just what I’ve thought about, processing and dealing with. It’s not really meant to be like - here’s a full-out well-explained educational post with an ending conclusion on the subject. I’m literally just recounting events of what happened and how I feel like I’d do to a friend irl - so I hope you guys can take it as such as well! 

It’s not a big deal but I think it’s good to process, share and talk about overcoming my own personal issues with you guys!! 💕❤️💗

So:

There’s one day where I woke up (when I was still without my laptop) and saw someone comment on my old post. I have tumblr linked to my email for certain notifications - just so I can screen and know what to expect when I come into my inbox/replies.

Basically, it was an old post that I wrote trying to help anon but I was factually incorrect (to the point where I cringed at the first sentence and then shamed myself to bed 5 hours later) This made me realize my Top 10 Nightmare of Tumblr Paranoia had came true (at long last).

It’s probably bad to expect it to happen? But it  happens y know. And I’m actually glad they commented because phew I want to actually make this blog a place where I can actually help people and talk about things more objectively. So heres the thing:

I’m going to go back and clarify parts of it. I’ll mostly keep most of the content intact because I think I had good intentions, I was just Lacking A lot of Fundamental Theory and Boy That’s Not A Good Thing For An Astro Blog NOT To Have.

I want to keep it as a process and archive of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown/learnt. I’m? decidedly not that proud of my earlier works - and there’s things I’m still concerned about that I want to go back and address/re-edit so it could be better. But I think it’s low-key kind of fun to see who you are in the past and how present me would view past me now?

It’s like a scrapbook of my astrology journey as well - like yeah I was wrong on things, but seeing me do more research and making actual pieces of work to complement my studies is like a portfolio of what I’ve done, how far I’ve come, how my objectives have changed (if they have/haven’t) what I could stand before but couldn’t stand now, or maybe some inspiration/insights that I lack now that I might’ve had before. Idk? I just think it’s a cool neat thing to not delete or erase, or Big Fear people will come see because it’s. It’s just there and it’s me.

BUT I do think? I should make it Good for everyone who still have access to the past works. It’s basically in my masterlist so it’s available to literally everyone who decides to check. And it’s NOT good if people get the wrong info because I lacked the knowledge and wrote it in a post, and still made the post accessible to everyone. That’s just.. irresponsible? On my part. And how I put everyone else up to it as well bc of my irresponsibility.

That’s Not Good. So I’m gonna do better to scan through past works and hash it out bit by bit, it’ll take some time but I’ll start with the one that was pointed out - and work my way to other ones as well just to check if they’re ok or not ok.

For Those Who Has The Big Fear as well: 

I mentioned at the beginning, this is just me talking about what I want to do about it. I just wanted to share that experience, how I feel (Complete and Utter Shame, that was mixed with Embarrassment and Horror at myself - took me a good 3 days to Process my Feelings and came to that conclusion) -- and just y know --  I’m sure this is not just a Me Thing where you see your past stuff and you Know you’re embarrassed to talk about it. But. It’s not a bad thing. And here’s me living through it.

I think in the future - I’ll continue to be embarrassed by my lack of knowledge because I have a lot to learn. There’s plenty of people - you, me, this new person who seems to know terms you haven’t heard of before, this other person who has very formed opinions on things based on their own knowledge - who learnt things and know things.

It’s? difficult to be on top of it all the time, or know everything if you haven’t learnt about it before. So don’t be ashamed or scared that you don’t? Know everything?

When you’re beginning to learn a subject, I don’t know about others, but me and my friend have this Big Fear of saying the wrong thing or coming off too confident in something that’s Wrong and then someone coming after you/calling you out for it  -- it was a mistake, or a lack of knowledge but you can’t be faulted for that. 

How are you supposed to know something if you didn’t know? That also can’t be shamed. Maybe because we think we have to be accountable for ourselves and our lack of knowledge-- so we don’t offend someone Big who may be more knowledgeable and personally offended by just-- a person not knowing something.

I think we fear the consequences, sometimes more so than talking about it or enjoying the subject in open-ness to each others who have similar interests (there’s also an issue with inadequacy and comparison, but we’ll talk about that later see topic headers below). 

I think the idea that we could get Wrecked and Hurt, Completely Mauled Over by something or someone’s influence/ideas that is Larger than us - intimidates us at a moderately core-level into Not Addressing It (i.e. Not Taking Action/Talking). Because the repercussion seems to be... wild, and Maybe We’ll be a ScrapeGoat of an Unfortunate Event and Thats Not Cool At All Yikes. 

Addressing All The Fears (a Bundle Around This Big Fear Context) 

I’ve talked about it before, like way back earlier in the days. But I’ve always had a Big Fear of this. That’s part of why I get so intimidated when someone I like/look up to follow me?

There’s always the tiny nagging suspicion and doubt underneath my anxiety regarding this topic - like I’m unsure whether they’re going to see how I talk, what I say, what I’m providing for others and cast judgement that it isn’t good enough - like maybe I’m wrong about something and I’ll have to live with it (unreasonable but still, a Fear) and they can See that and Know i’m wrong. That’s a big Shame and Embarrassed feeling for me (i.e. making a fool of myself, which is?? essentially what this is on)

I think throughout my time here... I’ve begun to slowly mend my ideas about that fear. Part of it is because I’ve learnt more, I’m more active in using my skill-sets.

It’s because I have this blog - that I decided I’m going to start it, and it’ll keep me active in learning that I got to build up my skill-set and kept myself in-check from there. I got to interact with different topics and themes, double-check my own understanding of topics/subjects, sure I don’t know anything and everything. All of this is just what I’ve learnt, and me actively learning as I go - and while it was -- Big Fear and Unstable Ground for a while, eventually I learnt to rely more on -- the support system and people who do appreciate you, like you, what they talk about with you. 

You learn to appreciate the systems around you - the ones who interact and likes or ask and talk about stuff. The Fear and Responsibilities gets less and less fearful, because I’ve built trust in others - and it’s a reality check: that not all that’s in my head is good for me. Not even myself and my own thought is as good to me as the reality you live/have around you sometimes. And thats -- a fortunate thing, that’s something to not be taken for granted, and something I have to be thankful for. It directly addresses possible issues I didn’t know I had -- about how much this was weighing on me, by relieving me from it bit by bit as well. 

And that’s what I should note on, because even just a solitary ‘like’ on a social media site-- when you’re scared or unsure of whether you’ve made a right call -- is enough of a support for you to rest a little easier, knowing someone else got what you intended and support you morally as well. 

Standards and Logic: Ideals

I still get Big Fear because of my own ideals - like sometimes I have a mean voice? That just goes ‘you’re an astrology blog - your core/most basic requirement is to KNOW basic facts about astrology’ and then it goes ‘you NOT knowing something about the subject -- something basic, and STILL getting it wrong is absolutely irredeemable’ 

You know what’s the worst part about the mean voice? It’s because it’s my brain, it’s how I reason and logic. This is how I hold my own standards and ideals, and no matter how kind I am to others, my own core self isn’t kind to myself. Fundamentally --- since I couldn’t resolve it, I believe it’s my standard and is underlying in how I treat others too (even if I actively work to Not Let That Happen or Be True, it’s still a part of me).

I don’t want to treat others like that. That’s the scariest part. Part of the reason why it’s so hard - is because we see reason why our mean voice makes sense. To me, that’s objectively the ideal and standard. I already gave it my consent and agreement by understanding it’s logic - and now I fear it.

A part of me just going through this - is confronting this standard issue and my ideals. I think -- all of us who have Big Fear in some ways, understands the logic in just being Good at what you start out to do. Fundamentally, objectively. It kinda makes sense that if you’re going to write about biochem - you should get it right so you don’t fuck up about it. 

But I think you all can tell now - reading it in third person - how you’re allowed to make mistakes? If you’re willing to say that to someone else and understand that-- even if you write about biochem, but you might’ve missed a few marks because you got the answer wrong--- it doesn’t mean you’ve completely jeopardize the subject itself and everyone who’s a master at it. You’ve just made a mistake. And everyone - realistically - realizes how little it matters when you admit or realize you’ve made a whoopsie.

Making Mistakes - Accepting Being Wrong To Not Become an Asshole

A mistake is a mistake, it’s a human error. People fuck up sometimes, but -- we learn from our mistakes. 

It’s just a matter of accepting it in the first place? Being able to accept the mistake is what differentiate being an asshole to actually not letting it hinder you and moving on. 

I think -- just in my case -- I can see why it’s easy to cling on. If you only have your skill-sets to hold onto to, it’s hard to accept any other form of opinions or ideas that challenges it. I think that’s -- ego -- but also defense/offensive action. 

Not -- ‘im offended’ but more like, a tactical offense. I’ve seen people who manipulate others because they only have their skill-sets. Making the audience sway in their narrative and perspectives because they say it’s the ‘truth’ and that they’re knowledgeable or have experiences. I don’t necessarily agree with what they do, but that’s -- not on me, and I don’t care because that’s not something I?? feel comfortable addressing. 

I offered this brief example - because it’s the opposite of ‘well I don’t feel adequate about my knowledge, maybe I shouldn’t say something because I don’t have anything to offer?’ - here’s an example of someone who has knowledge, and is saying something. But is perhaps doing it in a way that isn’t... ideal as well. 

So if you think about the alternative: Which would you rather be? 

We just gotta know how to deal with it and address all the different elements to it as we can (what we’ve touched on earlier: own voice, judgement from others, concrete-starting something and self-expectations, fearful of expectations, not accepting being wrong or making mistakes as an OK thing to do, and how to deal with it kinda)

  Future Embarrassment (Continuous habit of being Embarrassed and Feeling Inadequate About your Skill-sets/Knowledge)

I’ve always thought about this - like how do I stop myself from being embarrassed and ashamed when I can’t fault myself for not knowing before - the only solution I can find for myself is just to do good.

Not suddenly go research and be on top of it with information + overloading myself like That kind of Good-good (‘im good at what I do’ -- not that type of good, confidence in skills doesn’t cover up insecurities and fear, but you can be confident in other areas you can shine light on better about yourself!) 

Do good to me is to chew what I can, say when I can’t, have good intentions and offer the things you CAN give. If it’s insight, clarifications, open-opinions - most people who are coming to you and asking for you are people who appreciates intentions. Just as you expect the same back.

The most consistent thing I’ve ever done is to just be in the mindset of wanting to be good and pushing myself to be good. I’m not saying I’m like -- 100% whole-heartedly a Good Person. But if I just focus on my intent, how it underlines everything, keeping things clear with that intention in mind. As long as I aspire to be good to others, there’s not much else anyone can say to harm me or my motives I think.

Maybe I’m not that good in terms of skill-sets, but more in terms of wanting to do objectively the best that I can, and wanting the best for others. That’s the two things I keep in my mind and goals; in your own heart. Regardless of everything - these two things will keep you going if you truly want and work towards it.

Comparison to others/Inadequacy 

I think that to others - maybe other people who have the same goal in mind; maybe same heart, maybe this would mean to do what they can and perhaps they are capable of achieving skill-sets, overcoming insecurities with knowledge and Not Feel Overwhelmed. 

But I know that’s not for me? Not how I work or the best I can offer - of course I attempt it too and yeah it works sometimes, but my constant and my ideas haven’t been about being right or correct whenever I post or say something (although I strive to try and do it right, as much as I can) -- it’s always been about realistically - what can I do, what can I give that’s 100% me and what’s needed/capable of doing?  

It’s hard because there’s also -- ideals about what IS the best solution. Like when presented with the same problems, same ask. You have two different people who share the same ideals and thoughts - both agreeing that the best way is to do it ‘like this’ - but one does it better and the other watches it knowing they couldn’t have executed it as flawlessly. 

And maybe you’re the other - but that, doesn’t make it any less obvious when you see it in third-person that the other person has their own gift and methods that is just as valuable as the one who did the good execution. They provide and support one another, just have to find their wings and respect, appreciate and cherish (lift up) one another’s skill-sets and capabilities as well.

It’s hard to apply it back to yourself -- that your thoughts, words and knowledge is valuable to anyone or that it’s Not lacking in some ways. What you see of yourself - there’s others who sees it in a more tender way than you do. What you can control, and what you can do best, is to not expect yourself to be unrealistic - but expect to be realistic about what you can provide, if all else fails, anyways. 

Stick to your guns - I’m basically just trying to say that. The feeling of inadequacy (that’s literally the core of it, underneath the shame) is fine -- and yeah. I don’t have? I’ve written alot but I hope this comes through well. 

I’m working through it but I hope, this helps a little. If you’ve read it at all. It’s long and rambly, but I hope this -- helps? Anyone else? Or just myself who’s working through it. But -- I hope this gives strength or support to anyone who needs it. Thanks for reading if you’ve read!!!

[7-deadlysins]

renjun — bf headcanon [instagram edition]

• first thing is first: part of the aesthetic club (which includes him, jungwoo, kun, doyoung, johnny—has a dark theme going on & yuta—has a winwin theme. duh) but even out of all of them, renjun is the most dedicated & neat (spends HOURS editing at times)

• edit GOD. he even edits your pics for you (everyone always asks him what apps he uses but he lies and says "i just fool around on vsco or whatever" homeboy just doesn't wanna share his secrets)

• vScO oR whAtEvr stfu renjun bought a whole photo-editing tool kit app

• extremely selective of who he follows, who follows him, what he posts, what he likes and what he comments under

• has not accepted haechan's follow request yet (🐍🐍)

• RAREly comments, usually only likes posts. but if the boys ask him to "comment under my pic" he's the smartass that will comment "under my pic" 😐

• on the rare occasions that he does comment, it's always a roast, and the boys are like: renjun at least like the pic if ur gonna roast me

• comments under ur pics religiously tho (sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's roasts)

• never responds to any memes you tag him under

• but expects you to respond to every single wtffunfact post he tags you under (tags you under about 20 a day)

• follows a handful of life & philosphy accounts, judges which ones to follow based on their feed

• but only follows abt 7 of the other members, has not followed back the rest (doesn't even want to accept haechan's)

• always ends up spilling tea/ exposing them in the comments and the other boys are actually tired of his shit

• although his posts are neat, his ig story is a MESS (usually it's using your face as a meme 99.9% of the time)

• sometimes rants/ shares personal anecdotes then deletes the post an hour later. HE's so annoying

• if someone dms him, disregarding and not being considerate to the fact that he's dating you, he will pretty much send them a handful of savage memes and end their social media life

• HATES when his friends tag him in badly edited group photos (he will untag himself. thank u, next)

• loooooves taking off guard pics of you. sometimes he gets a little philosophical and grateful while doing so, bc he notices little but more detailed things abt you, like the color of your eyes changing in the sun

• these moments will actually have him weak in the knees. dont call him out, he will die of embarassment and attacc you

• kinda uses his "passion for photography" as an excuse to look at you (through the camera screen) for a long time without having to look away or be embarassed

• sometimes takes too long trying to get the perfect shot of the food & ends up annoying you a little

• but bc of his need for aesthetics & his hobby of taking pics, he's introduced you to amazing places: museums, gardens, parks, libraries, cafés

• will do everything to get a good shot of you. once he laid on the concrete, one hand tryna take the pic, the other carrying a flashlight, trying to get the perfect shot (T^T)

• bc of that, everyone asks him to take pics of them (expecting it to come out the way ur pics do)

• but renjun takes blurry pics of everyone else. everyone gets mad, he laughs like a devil and that's about it

• you're his muse and honestly it feels good to have a bf that hypes you up, and supports you rather than one that doesn't !! yas embrace it.

• overall, he's actually so creative and one of the most supportive, funny, loving and WHIPPED bf of the century

• his ig consists of mostly you, books and museum paintings more than himself

• if i haven't said it before:

• WHIPPED culture

[spoonless-sunflower]

Thank the good lord. It's over folks.

Robin broke up with me. It's been coming. I been knew. I got the conversation to happen sooner thank God I couldn't wait another day.

The breakup went a bit differently than I thought.

She's been struggling with therapy and healing and figuring herself out and loving herself. And she feels like she hasn't been present enough in our relationship. Which is very true.

I asked if she wanted to slow things down instead. But she clearly thought this through a lot and was crying the whole time. We were both surprised that she was the one crying even though I was the one getting broken up with lol.

But honestly, I think I was too relieved to cry. The anxiety of what was coming was eating me alive. I just wanted it to be over.

And more than that..I really do love her. And this sounds very important to her. I know what it feels like to be lost and confused and not know yourself. So I supported her. I told her it was okay and that I was proud of her for taking care of herself. That's the kind of person I am. And I'm very okay with how things ended.

This was a big deal for me. I've never had a real relationship before. I've never been so vulnerable with another person. I'm so proud of myself for doing this. I learned a lot about myself and what I want and how relationships work.

I think I feel okay about ending it because, as much as I love her and will miss her, I want someone who will give me just as much passion and priority as I give. And Robin can't give me that. And that's okay.

A part of me thought that maybe this was because we had rushed our relationship. It was a first for us both and we got so caught up in it. Especially me. But you know what? That's the kind of person I am. Once I decide to love I'm going to do it all the way. And I want that back. I want extreme mush!! Right now I'll definitely be focusing on myself for a while. But I'm glad to have learned a bit about myself and proud to not have been turned off to dating by this experience bc I'm sensitive as heck and really thought this would break my spirit.

I'm sure I'll be really sad about this for a while. But right now I'm getting by. I didn't waste any time deleting photos and unfollowing on social media. I know if I don't make complete distance I'll scroll through her stuff when I miss her haha. Her accounts are private so once I unfollow I can't see a thing anymore.

The most painful thing I think was unfollowing her on Twitter and seeing her bio before I did. I was only planning to mute but then I saw that our anniversary date was gone. And it had been something that made me so happy and loved before so seeing it gone made the whole thing feel very real. It made me realize that a complete distance would be better for me.

Aah wow. It's really over. I'm sad. But I'm also okay. I feel like..it ended well. I made it.

[fineline-live]

we rped a while back & i understand you’re busy but i really miss it. like kik won’t even let me message you bc it says your phone is off/disconnected. i really wanna get back into it as soon as you’re free because it was so good :-(

CARLY HI OKAY S O LET ME TELL YOU HOW IT WENT DOWN (i love that drunk cal phrase too much to stop using it ooPs)SO I ENDED UP GETTING A NEW PHONE AND IT LITERALLY FUCKING DELETED ALL OF OUR MESSAGES FROM THE CHAT THAT WAS ON MY OLD PHONE EVEN THOUGH IT WAS THE SAME ACCOUNT ON KIK ?????? SO I WAS LIKE SHIT MAN OKAY AND I TRIED TO MESSAGE YOU AND IT WOULDNT LET ME AND KEPT SAYING THAT I NEEDED TO LIKE “TRY SENDING IT LATER” OR IT WOULD SAY THAT I NEVER HAD CONNECTION AND COULDNT SEND SO YA BITCH WAS HELLA CONFUSED SO I DELETED KIK AND WENT TO MESSAGE YOU ON TUMBLR AND THEN SO MUCH SHIT WENT DOWN IN MY IRL LIFE WHICH IS ANOTHER STORY B U T IVE FINALLY FOUND FREE TIME TO JUST FUCK AROUND AMD WASTE MY LIFE AWAY ON SOCIAL MEDIA S O MORAL OF THE STORY, LET ME DOWNLOAD KIK AGAIN