#and then it started to look horrible for all the other characters too and Tolkien was just having none of it anymore

[creature-once-removed]

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[jewishvitya]

Rowling had nothing to do with Legacy and I think most people forget that. She wasn't even consulted. WB bought the license and the devs did whatever they wanted. "Sirona" is a beautiful, feminine Celtic name associated with healing, and "Ryan" is an extremely common Irish surname. I feel like people are looking for reasons to be offended, especially when it comes to trans characters and antisemitism. The goblins are not and have never been Jewish stereotypes. They're a fictional race. They're based on Tolkien's goblins and old English folklore dating back to the 1400's, where they have always been depicted and small, ugly, and greedy. Rowling herself was shocked by the antisemitism rumors and staunchly stated they weren't true. Just like the rumors saying lycanthopy is a metaphor for AIDS. Just... who thinks of this stuff?

What's really sad is people have argued that Sirona was never meant to be trans, but a male character that the devs rendered to look "more feminine" at the last minute. People have made fun of her voice and said it's "too masculine", so obviously WB just hired a man to voice her and changed her gender later. But that's not true! Her VA is actually a trans woman and the backlash against the character must be devastating to the VA.

Okay, so, I don't think you're here in good faith. You're here to be dismissive. But I'll reply anyway, just in case I'm wrong.

One thing at a time.

I'll start with the one point you made that I agree with: the VA. She doesn't deserve to have her voice scrutinized and criticized. That's horrible, no one deserves that. I did see - and share - the misinformation that Sirona Ryan was voiced by a man, and I regret that. I edited it out of my post as soon as I knew, but this is tumblr and unedited versions do go around. I hope more people will see that corrected, and leave the VA's voice alone.

Now for the mess you threw at me.

Hogwarts Legacy is related to Rowling by virtue of existing within the world she created. It's still her goblins, since she gave her permission to create this, and she let it be added to the canon.

Rowling's world is the context.

I don't care that she wasn't consulted about the details, that just means the other creators are bigots too. When you build within a world that has such large issues, where so much time and effort was devoted to highlighting and criticizing those issues, and you create a story that continues all the problems from the original canon and adds to them - that's a choice that I have a right to criticize. They had the benefit of being a google search away from knowing how to be respectful about all of this, and they did the opposite.

Sirona Ryan IS a beautiful real name, that's not the issue. I already wrote this post where I tried to explain the reaction, but I accept that maybe my feelings about this name come from cultural ignorance. If that's the case, I apologize, and I'd love to be corrected.

My real issue with the game is the antisemitism.

You say "folklore dating back to the 1400's" as if that's far too old to be influenced by antisemitism. Fun fact: antisemitism is older than goblins. Antisemitism is literally millennia old. At least as old as Christianity, which is the root of many antisemitic ideas. It's older than many European mythological creatures, and it infuses a lot of European folklore and mythology, down to the depictions of witches with their pointy hats. Stories about goblins being used as a way to dehumanize Jewish people is not new. And using a fictional race of non-humans as stand-ins for real groups of marginalized people - either intentionally or not - is a very common practice in storytelling. Most fantasy races have those roots to them. But even then, where, in the original lore of the goblins, did they control the banks?

It doesn't matter if Rowling was shocked by the claims of antisemitism and it doesn't matter if she denied them. The reality of her story is that she created an antisemitic depiction. I can believe that it wasn't her intention, but that doesn't mean it's not what she did.

You don't get to look at an antagonistic group that embodies EVERY SINGLE TRAIT THAT WAS ASSIGNED TO MY PEOPLE TO DEMONIZE US and tell me that's not antisemitic.

I already made this list, but let's do it again. All antisemitic traits that can be found in Rowling's goblins. I'll break it down to the original book canon, the movies, and the game.

Books - Rowling's actual canon:

Short, with clever swarthy faces, sallow skin and pointed beards

A guttural language

Ruthless and known for their greed

Pursue someone who owes them money with violent threats

Have cultural differences that make them impossible to trust

Harmed by dark wizard but still suspected to support them

Only worth associating with for their metalworking and control of the economy

She placed a goblin's rebellion in 1612 - the same year as the events that led to the Fettmilch uprising, which resulted in pogroms and Jewish deaths. Rowling stated that wars and political unrest parallel between the muggle world and the wizarding world as the two societies influence each other

The most prominent named goblin character, Griphook, betrays Harry. Harry is a Christ allegory - literally sacrifices himself to save everyone, and then comes back to life

Movies:

Hooked noses - the best known antisemitic feature

A six pointed star in the building they chose for the bank - I don't believe this was intentional, but it's an unfortunate choice and they could have covered it

Here end the parts I blame on Rowling directly. And the game was built on these foundations.

Game:

A historical time frame of pogroms, where our people were murdered in large massacres that often had support from authorities

Explicit ties between the goblins and the dark wizards

Aiming to undermine wizard society - the goal assigned to us in every antisemitic conspiracy theory

Kidnapping of children for their magic - literally just look up blood libel

A character says the goblins can't appreciate art. It’s absurd to say considering the quality and coveted status of goblin-made artifacts. In the real world, this is a claim that was made against Jews by the Nazis (and it targets other groups hated by white supremacists as well)

A ram’s horn artifact that strongly resembles a silver plated Shofar - a Jewish ritual item. Said horn is from 1612, from the same rebellion mentioned above. According to the item’s description, it was blown to rally the goblins and to annoy witches and wizards. It was stuffed with gorgonzola to mute it, a specifically non-kosher cheese (most kinds of cheese are kosher). It's so disrespectful I still don't have the words to fully convey it

Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, those traits became associated with Jewish people as a group through hateful propaganda. Putting all of them on a non-human race isn't better. It just adds to the dehumanization of it. It's not just Rowling's fault. That's shared by every single person who had a hand in the creation of this story. For the issues in the game, I blame the people named here more. I see no reason to extend grace to far-right bigots.

But to focus on Rowling. You brought up lycanthropy. You seem to think we made up the idea that it's a metaphor for HIV. We didn't. She said that. In the ebook Short Stories From Hogwarts of Heroism, Hardship, and Dangerous Hobbies - she said that. She said it before that, on Pottermore.

Lupin's condition of lycanthropy (being a werewolf) was a metaphor for those illnesses that carry a stigma, like HIV and AIDS. [...] The wizarding community is as prone to hysteria and prejudice as the Muggle one, and the character of Lupin gave me a chance to examine those attitudes.

This is a quote of her thoughts. It still exists on Lupin's page on her Wizarding World website.

And it's actually a pretty good example of how it's absolutely possible to be awful about depicting a stigmatized minority through a fantasy stand-in.

HIV+ people are stigmatized through no fault of their own. But in her books, it seems reasonable for the wizards to fear werewolves. And she did that, she made prejudice reasonable. We have: Remus Lupin, a named werewolf who is good and kind, and tries to avoid hurting people. Even then, he nearly does cause harm more than once. He turns in front of our heroes and spends a night loose in the forest. He tells the heroes that as a student, he almost bit people while out with his friends. So even while well-intentioned, he's a danger. That means we don't have a single safe HIV+ allegory in her work. The other named werewolf is Fenrir Greyback, who intentionally targets children to turn them young and raise them to hate the society they came from - which is fucking homophobic, whatever she intended, because of the way HIV gets associated with homosexuality. And the rest? A whole community of werewolves who side with the Death Eaters.

Did she mean to make a whole community of marginalized people into wizard Nazis? I DON'T CARE. SHE DID THAT.

I don't care to argue about her intentions while writing the text. I can't read minds. I can read the text she wrote. I can see what was put into the game that was added into her world. I can read about the history of my people and their persecution. I can see how disturbingly similar this game's story is to the propaganda that led to my grandparents suffering through the holocaust and losing their families to it.

If she cared about the antisemitism in her works, she wouldn't just act horrified and say "No, of course I wasn't being hateful to Jews!" - she'd look at whatever she lets people put into her IP, to prevent further harm. I do blame the other writers of the game more than I blame her for that plot, but it's not better that she gave her approval without being consulted. It's her IP, it carries her name, she gets royalties, it's her responsibility.

And at the very least, she doesn't care about antisemitism enough to worry about minimizing harm. I know that, because I know her friends. I know TERFs and Gender Criticals. Rowling saw an anti-trans event with white supremacist speakers, and she chose to criticize the counter-protesters. She went out to eat with Maya Forstater and Helen Joyce, who participated and spoke in events organized by Posie Parker - who explicitly includes far right groups in her events, and shares platforms with white supremacists. Rowling bought merch from Posie Parker. She wrote about Magdalen Berns as a "brave young feminist" - as if she didn't push the antisemitic George Soros conspiracy theory and share Breitbart articles. She praised MATT WALSH. The people she associates with now, read from Mein Kampf in their rallies.

She didn't put the antisemitism in the game, but she's very comfortable with antisemitism. Don't tell me she was horrified by the idea that her goblins could be called antisemitic. She just didn't want the label applied to her. If you willingly associate with Nazis, you're a Nazi. And enough of her friends don't seem to mind that.

I stand by what I said: playing this game, even pirated, is like printing out an antisemitic caricature and hanging it on your wall, saying “well, I didn’t pay the artist, I just like this art.”

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

No, Amazon’s Rings of Power is not “woke”

It annoys me so much when people complain about Rings of Power being “woke.” First of all, because of the way they overuse the word, woke has become a next-to-meaningless term that can be applied to anything conservatives don’t like. Second, Rings of Power is only progressive in the most surface-level way; underneath that it is in fact extremely regressive. People who whine about Rings of Power being woke are not only annoying, they’re also just plain wrong.

Ever since the casting was announced, right-wing idiots have been shrieking about Black actors being cast in Rings of Power. These trolls have made all kinds of dumb statements about how Middle-earth = Europe, but they seem willfully ignorant of the fact that Europe has never been exclusively white, and there is no reason to exclude people of color from the cast of any Tolkien adaptation. Still, this didn’t make the show progressive in its casting (which was tokenistic) or its writing (which ranges from bad to horrible).

For instance, the only storyline Amazon writers could apparently think of to introduce Arondir was literally him being enslaved. I mean, really? Is that really the best plotline to go with? To be clear, I’m not criticizing the actor, I’m criticizing the writing. In addition, Amazon cast actors of color overwhelmingly in parts invented for the show—rather than as actual Tolkien characters—which more easily allows them to be sidelined by the narrative, and the casting overall was in no way diverse enough. So I find it bizarre that people criticize the show for its so-called wokeness, when very little effort was made from a diversity and inclusion standpoint.

Right-wing nutjobs also threw a fit about Amazon portraying Galadriel as a warrior, to the point where they started calling her “Guyladriel.” They whined about Galadriel being too feminist and too masculine in the show, but that’s the opposite of what happened and betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of Galadriel as a character. First of all, she fought at Alqualondë in one version of the story, so no one should have a problem with her wielding a sword. What IS a problem is everything else about her portrayal.

Amazon’s writers took one of Tolkien’s most interesting characters and stripped her of her power, her authority, her gravitas, her wisdom, and her ambition. They had Gil-galad, her younger cousin, order her around. They had Elendil compare her to his children, even though she’s older than the sun and moon. And they made her a petty, naïve, incompetent brat whose entire first season involves being manipulated by Sauron, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, having a bizarre will-they-won’t-they relationship with him. In addition, Galadriel is canonically tall and strong, and one of her names means “man-maiden,” but they made her short and waif-like instead.

Galadriel in Amazon’s show doesn’t even resemble the character Tolkien wrote—the character named Nerwen, who never trusted Annatar, who certainly never had some creepy Reylo thing with him, who was powerful and wise and authoritative, who had a marvelous gift of insight into the minds of others—not a quippy, rude, annoying idiot who is constantly being controlled by the men around her. I don’t know why anyone would look at Rings of Power and think this portrayal is progressive. It’s actually a failure of imagination: Amazon’s writers literally cannot conceive of a powerful woman even when all of the work of imagining her has been done for them. In addition to the faux-feminist-and-actually-sexist portrayal of Galadriel, Rings of Power is also on the whole weirdly regressive from the standpoint of gender roles and gender expression. Tolkien’s Elves are canonically tall, beautiful, and long-haired, regardless of gender. Tolkien’s Dwarves all have beards. So what did Amazon do? They gave most of their male Elves short hair, while the female Elves still have long hair, and they did away with female Dwarves’ beards. They patted themselves on the back for “letting” Galadriel fight, but don’t show other female warriors—in battle scenes, for instance, why are all the soldiers male? In general, they made their characters adhere to conservative gender roles and gender expression, which is especially glaring because it contradicts what Tolkien actually wrote.

On top of all this, they decided to throw in some anti-Irish stereotypes with a side of classism, just for fun. They had the ragged, dirty, primitive Harfoots speaking in Irish accents, while the regal, ethereal, advanced Elves speak with English accents. None of the actors playing the Harfoots are Irish themselves, to my knowledge, which makes the choice to have them speak this way especially questionable. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?

All in all, it makes absolutely no fucking sense to criticize Rings of Power for being woke. It may look progressive on the surface because there’s a Black Elf and a woman with a sword, but that’s as far as it goes. The show isn’t particularly diverse to begin with, and it treats its characters of color poorly. Galadriel’s portrayal is disgustingly regressive, as is the show’s overarching take on gender. This is to say nothing of the caliber of the writing in general, which is unsurprisingly low. There is so much to criticize—like the nonsense about mithril, or the fact that Celebrimbor of all people doesn’t understand alloys, or the fact that you can apparently swim across the Sundering Seas now—which makes complaining about the show’s supposed wokeness especially irrational.

I also have to wonder if the people still whining about wokeness know anything about Tolkien’s works. Do they know that the crown of Gondor was based on the crown of the Pharaohs of Egypt? Do they know that Tolkien considered Byzantium the basis for Minas Tirith? Do they know that female warriors already exist in Tolkien’s books? Do they know when they rant about how much they hate “Guyladriel” that Amazon’s portrayal is actually too feminine? Ultimately, people who complain about wokeness in Rings of Power—or any Tolkien adaptation—are just betraying their own idiocy. I honestly think if Tolkien’s books were published now conservatives would scream that they’re woke too.

[wordbunch]

The Hobbit re-read: favorites, thoughts and honorable mentions

thank u to my tumblr besties for encouraging me to rant abt this book for a little while, and brace yourselves for a LOOONG post; aka We're Going On An Adventure!

this quote abt Gandalf: "tales and adventures sprouted up all over the place wherever he went, in the most extraordinary fashion" like. THIS exactly is Gandalf to me ✨✨✨

the whole good-morninged sequence (as if he was selling buttons at the door! can you imagine! By belladonna tooks SON of all people!!!) 😱

"a cake or 2 would do him good after this fright" me too bilbo

"he had a horrible thought that the cakes might run short" me too bilbo 🍰

Gandalf constantly selling Bilbo's skills to the company and just hyping him up and believing in him all the time!!!! most excellent and audacious hobbit!!! 😎

"this was thorin's style... if he had been allowed he would probably have gone like this until he was out of breath" aka he is Dramatic and Important

"bilbo was getting excited and interested again so that he forgot to keep his mouth shut" how many times will i write ME TOO BILBO in this post

"THE EXPLANATION DID NOT SEEM TO EXPLAIN" 💯💯💯

gandalf: i found him in the dungeons of the necromancer; thorin: girl what were YOU doing at the necromancer's??? 🧐🧐🧐 gandalf: finding things out as usual O M G like what else would he be doing there 😚

bilbo constantly wishing he was back home as soon as he left

"off bilbo had to go before he could explain that he could not hoot even once like any kind of owl" yall this book has so many funny moments but like in a very chill humor way

the fact that one of the TROLLS is called WILLIAM 😂😂😂

"i am a good cook myself, and cook better than i cook" okay bilbo rizz 😏🔥

"they had not at all enjoyed lying there listening to the trolls making plans for roasting them" you don't say. i love this deadpan humor SO MUCH jrrt snapped

that whole beautiful iconic description of kind as summer elrond

"their clothes were mended as well as their bruises, their tempers, and their hopes" WHEN will i go to rivendell 😩

"there is nothing like looking if you want to find something" thorin life coach realness 👏🏼👏🏼

thoring gesturing at a miserable desolate land: these tRuLy hOspiTabLe moUnTaiNs 😍

then gandalf lit up his wand. oF coUrSe it wAs gaNdaLf, but they were too busy to ask how he got there. 4ever mood

he thought of himself frying bacon and eggs in his own kitchen ME TOO BIL- 🍳

"Gollum brought up memories of ages and ages and ages before, when he lived with his grandmother in a hole by a bank by a river" this kind of made me cry. it brings unexpected humanity to such an appalling character; kinda makes you want bilbo to spare him eventually

and the fact itself that bilbo felt so bad for him he decided to just leave him be

"you would have laughed (from a safe distance)" LOVE how JRRT puts random little comments addressed to the reader

gandalf just being like ok i gotta go do other things now. good luck besties. ✌🏼😚

beorn: what are you, a traveling circus? and he is actually right 🤪

"you have got to look after all these dwarves for me, gandalf laughed" and i cried

bilbo being like hmm how will i get down from this tree (except by falling)

bilbo's song while killing gigantic spiders "not very good...but you must remember he had to make it up himself in a very awkward moment"

the dwarves starting to respect him and bowing down until they FALL OVER is such a comical image to me

the whole alluring magic of the elvish feast in the forest which disappears when they get closer!! a whole fairytale mr tolkien!!! 😍

thranduil is a greedy b <3 and especially VERY fond of wine 🍷🍷🍷

"i will lock you all in again and you can sit there comfortably and think of a better plan" bilbo badass mode and we love to see it 💋

tolkien being like WELL u can laugh but you wouldn't have done any better if u were him. real.

when they're in dale i love the numerous references to "songs and stories of old" and all of them basically being a living legend and turning their stay in dale into a public holiday and spectacle

thorin is cocky af

/freeze frame/ "you are familiar with thorin's style on important occasions so i will not give you any more of it" its ok jrrt, let him be a drama queen 👑

bilbo when he takes some gold from smaug being like "this will show them!!!1!1" 😠😠

sassy bilbo strikes again with "did you expect me to trot back with the whole hoard of thror on my back? if there's any grumbling to be done i think i might have a say" GO OFF KING 👏🏼

i just rly love him okay, he stole my heart in this book like a real legitimate professional burglar that he is

"i am the clue-finder, the web-cutter, the stinging fly" etc. basically this whole exchange btw bilbo and smaug is pure gold (pun not intended) 🤫

talking birds that eavesdrop. enough said.

the descriptions of the arkenstone which make you actually want to have it too. genius. there could be no two such gems, even in so marvellous a hoard, even in all the world." 💎💎💎

the harps (untouched by the dragon who had a small interest in music).. WHY is this so funny to me

bilbo putting on some elvish DRIP and being like ✨✨ i feel magnificent ✨✨ (but probably look dumb 😩)

"this is the great chamber of thror" ok thorin the tour guide king

BARD MY KING i love one (1) man 🎯

bilbo being absolutely against any wars or battles and just wanting to go home BUT also being a sneaky lil shit who takes the arkenstone to bard and thranduil BUT also still not wanting to leave his dwarf buddies

when he gives them the gem "not without a shudder, not without a glance of longing" AHHH i want it!

ambiguous gandalf returning. always love to see it

"if you don't like my burglar, please don't damage him" 🙄 ffs thorin chill

"you are not making a very splendid figure as king" yes gandalf call him out

defeat seems "very uncomfortable, not to say distressing" to bilbo. we love.

the fact that he was just knocked out cold during the battle so thur we know very little abt what really happened?? jrrt genius writing hack. might use this one 🤔

fili and kili deserved a better sendoff than just mentioning that they died. come on.

thorin's last words and reconciliation w bilbo... PLEASE I WILL CRY until i throw up. "it has been more than any baggins deserves." "no! there is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly west. some courage and some wisdom blended in measure. if more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."

i might still be crying

"tea is at 4 but any of you are welcome at any time" my heart... ❤️😭 Guess he's no longer scared of running out of cake

bilbo gifting thrandy a necklace as an apology for eating and drinking his stuff secretly, king shit 😉

bilbo having the absolute NERVE to say to ELVES "your lullaby would wake a drunken goblin". wig wig

he deadass borrowed a handkercheif from freaking ELROND 😳

bilbo arriving home to being presumed dead and his stuff literally being auctioned off

"it was a long time before he was in fact admitted to being alive again…" and sackville-bagginses having sm beef with that HAHAHA

he lost his reputation but he lived his best life so who's the winner here 😌😌😌

the closing lines "you are a very fine person, mr baggins, and i am very fond of you; but you are only quite a little fellow in a wide world after all" "thank goodness! said bilbo laughing."

like. THIS. literally embodies everything. he is just a little guy. just some smol person. BUT STILL had a say in how BIG things happened. BUT he remains happy to be just a smol simple person.

overall an incredibly fun read and it was way more genuinely FUNNY than i anticipated. bilbo is a whole mood. thorin is a diva. gandalf is there to start shit and hype up bilbo. jrrt with random author's notes throughout the book gives me life.

[samueldays]

A friend recommended Deadworld Isekai to me the other day. To damn it with faint praise: it was good enough that I finished reading all three volumes, and the author has a solid grasp of spelling and grammar.

It has the usual LitRPG problem of re-reifying abstractions to produce weird round-trip-translation nonsense that has become the heart of the LitRPG genre, one of the most finely polished turds in the world.

The thing that stood out to me as the most 'fixable' problem, though, was the fake suspense and the fake threat. Oh no, the protagonist is in over his head, however will he survive? Oh no, the protagonist is on the verge of death, what asspull deus ex machina is going to save him now?

The cast is too small and the premise too specialized for there to be a serious threat of replacing Matt as protagonist, and once you've introduced CRPG Healing you can't threaten injury short of death, so I roll my eyes at every new danger, confident he'll be perfectly fine (and powered up!) a chapter later.

I want to contrast this with Lord of the Rings, which looms over the wider fantasy genre so much that it gets taken for granted, and I sometimes see people thinking of it in terms of the popular cliches that were copied the most. But I feel it's pretty good about threatening Frodo, and that's less copied.

At some point in The Return of the King, the reader has seen Gandalf die and Boromir die and the Fellowship broken, and then parts of the Fellowship met new cool people, and then those cool people started dying too, with Theoden bravely dead on the battlefield and Denethor horribly dead in attempted murder-suicide.

It starts to look like Frodo might die, IMO, it's genuinely plausible that Tolkien will kill off another major character at this point. The deaths are mounting, Frodo's psyche is fraying, and the savvy reader sees Sam is right there to take over if Frodo dies. The main protagonist will probably still survive because that's how stories go, but it's not all that obvious.

It looks like death when Frodo is stung by giant spider and carried off by orcs, but it's much less of a deus ex machina to hear that the spider was using paralytic venom to save a meal for later. Frodo isn't getting a sudden powerup or new ally, it's just a spider being a spider.

With no magic healing, several magic items lost, and Frodo increasingly traumatized, the quest gets closer to Mount Doom. Here Frodo puts on the Ring, which is not how these stories normally go! No heroic last-minute surge of willpower. Frodo is sick and tired, looks at the Ring of Power, and decides that in fact, he would like Power for himself.

Gollum bites Frodo's finger off, falls into the lava, and the Ring is destroyed nonetheless. Tolkien again makes it look like Frodo might really die in the resulting volcanic eruption, now that his importance to the story is over and the Ring is destroyed and the rest looks like cleanup from the army marching on Mordor in the other plot thread.

But the book isn't over yet. If you're reading Lord of the Rings in print, you can feel there's another hundred pages left to go at this point. Frodo is saved, Aragorn is crowned, our heroes are victorious, there's celebrations and marriages and vacations and songs.

Then Frodo heads home at long, long last and finds Saruman got there first and started polluting the Shire.

The last surprise is that Saruman dies really fast. The rest of the book is appendices. What, you expected a hundred pages of Frodo fighting the Shire Wizard War? Nope, we're done here! Also Frodo has to leave, Sam takes over at the very last. It's a good series of plot twists, without being a plot swerve.

[vi-sigoth]

Please rant. (I may or may not have watched it, too)

Okay so if nobody wants to read this, here’s the TL;DR of how I felt about the entire series at the close of the show:

If you do, I just:

First off, I see a lot of people bash GRRM as an author, and while I think a lot of it is warranted, a lot of it I think, is unfair. GRRM, like every single other fantasy author who’s penned anything after 1970, has to live under the massive shadow of Tolkien, which is not a very easy shadow to get away from, develop a distinctive style from, or not borrow heavily from, particularly if your flavor of fantasy is high fantasy. But despite my qualms with Martin (how have the Wildlings been separated from the rest of Westeros for 6,000-8,000 years and not developed a separate language at this point? Why is the Faith of the Seven and the Faith of the Old Gods SO fucking lazily constructed? Why can’t Martin keep his numbers straight when he talks about his battles? Why did I have to read a sex scene in which a guy who is still somehow massively obese despite living in a frozen wasteland for a year and a half fucks a girl on a ship and drinks her breastmilk? Jolkien Rolkien Tolkien would have never done this to me) I still love his writing. Because Martin has always set out to explore “the human heart at war with itself” in a fantasy setting, and despite all the problems I have with him, I think he’s done a tremendous job of it.

You see, there are SO many things I could bitch about with this show, so, so many (ask me later why I hate all the blue dresses Emilia Clarke wears) But honestly? None of them really matter as much as what I view as the Main Problem of the show, and actually, a good portion of them stem from the Main Problem. What’s the Main Problem? The Main Problem is that despite George’s pussyfooting lapsed Catholic views (which is why we don’t get, in my opinion, in-universe religions that are fleshed out very well) despite his absolute weeny “war is so mean and bad :(“ Vietnam draft dodger takes, George Raymond Richard Martin is a Romantic at heart, and he loves his readers, he loves fantasy, and he loves putting his characters through horrendous, disgusting, grimy, hopeless situations, because when they come through, beaten, nearly torn to shreds—but alive, he is right there celebrating the unbreakable endurance of the human spirit with his readers. David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are nihilists who hate their audience and who love shoving their faces into mud and filth for no reason other than they take a sick pleasure in the pain and disgust of the people who’s faces they’re shoving into mud and filth.

I don’t remember the exact quote or interview, or which of them said it, but one of the D&D’s said that they were first inspired to develop the Song of Ice and Fire book series into a show when they read the Red Wedding scene. This is already a horrendous start. They were salivating the thought of bringing a scene that was supposed to be so horrible, so disgusting and unspeakably repulsive and wrong that it reverberates around the world and even is witnessed by characters who aren’t emotionally involved nor even geographically near (recall that Danaerys has a vision of it in the House of the Undying long before it happens). But GRRM didn’t write that scene, nor any other awful scene to rub his reader’s face in misery and horror. Recall how the death of Eddard Stark is written. He suffers in a hallucinatory fever for days before his execution, agonizing about the wrong he’s committed in his life. His death is witnessed by his two daughters. From a Watsonian standpoint, our hearts are meant to break, just as Sansa and Arya’s hearts broke when they are made to look on the death of their father. From a Doyalistic standpoint, the death of Ned Stark was nearly inevitable, just as the death of Obi-Wan Kenobi and so many other mentors had to happen, because the death of the mentor is an integral part of the hero’s journey. Ned’s death sets his widow and all of his children upon their paths to their own inevitable triumphs and ends. Furthermore, in any comedy, that is, in any story that ends happily, the hero or heros must travel in gyre. That is, they must travel on a crooked, twisting path to reach the end. If they don’t endure trials before they end, there’s no catharsis for them. Othello travels in a straight line towards Desdemona to place his hands around her neck to strangle her, without stopping. Without thinking that maybe he might check to really see if she’s been unfaithful. As a rule, straight lines end in tragedy, twisted roads end in comedy. The point of what I’m trying to say is that: GRRM didn’t kill Ned Stark to be malicious or to purposely cause pain to his readers. He killed him because the plot needed it. But D&D? Dipfuck and Duckfucker killed Ned, and Ros, and Sandor Clegane, and Theon, and all the people they killed because they think it’s funny when people die and they revel in filth and misery and they hate when things are good. Look at the way GRRM writes Ned’s arrival in King’s Landing versus the way D&D write it. BookNed rides up, and is immediately summoned to the Small Council meeting. He tells the messenger to wait while he changes into nicer clothes, knowing that appearances are important, knowing full well that he’s walking into a den of vipers. ShowNed? He walks right into the Small Council meeting in his travel clothes, brusquely brushing off the messenger’s protestations that he change into something nicer in a thick Scottish accent. Why does he do this? Because Ned Stark is so stupid and so dumb and he doesn’t play the Game of Thrones.why does Show Ned Stark trust people like Maester Pycelle and Littlefinger? Well BookNed doesn’t trust Pycelle, and has no reason at all to distrust Littlefinger or any way to know that he’s going to be betrayed by him. But again, ShowNed is a fucking stupid, dumbfuck hick, and he doesn’t know how to blay the GAMBE of Thrones!!! Why does BookNed inform Cersei that he’s going to tell Robert about the incest, and give her a chance to leave? Because he’s one of the ONLY people who has a kind, honorable, and true heart, and he doesn’t t want to see a woman and children be killed. And again, he has NO possible way of knowing that Petyr Baelish is going to betray him. But ShowNed? Well he does this because he’s STUPID and he doesn’t know how to play the gAmE oF tHrOnEs and only STUPID people are nice,,,,IDIOT!!!!!and this is the problem. (Continued in reblogs)

[fictionadventurer]

Rapid-fire thoughts about Book IV of The Two Towers:

Frodo is extremely lucky that Gollum showed up, because how on Middle Earth did he plan on getting to Mount Doom without him? He had no clue what kind of terrain he was going into. No map. No guide. Going it alone is noble and all, but he really did not have a viable plan for making it work.

There's something to explore in the fact that Sam and Gollum both call Frodo "Master." They butt heads at least partly because they're in similar roles. Sam is the faithful servant and Gollum the treacherous one.

I really appreciate that after three extremely bleak chapters in hellish landscapes, Tolkien gives us an entire chapter of "They went to a slightly wrecked but mostly lovely landscape, and Sam looked at all the flowers and cooked a nice meal."

Forever mad that the movies left out Ithilien. That is a great setting. There is a hideaway behind a waterfall looking out to the sunset! So much cinematic potential wasted.

It's interesting to me that Faramir is reliably described as "grave", while also being shown smiling and joking a lot. It's kind of an odd sense of humor, too. ("The ring has come to me with a host of Gondor at my command" is grimly funny from his POV, but saying all that to Sam and Frodo is still pretty mean.)

There's also something interesting in Sam and Faramir's dynamic. Faramir's the character who most often treats Sam as a servant, making a big deal about calling Frodo his master. He scolds him and kind of pokes fun at him. But there's also a lot of respect. ("The Shire must be a peaceful place where gardeners are held in high esteem.") Maybe it's to do with the fact that they're both servants who are happy to serve and have no ambitions to attain higher rank.

I can see why Tolkien struggled with the ideas of portraying orcs as totally evil. On a conceptual level it can work, but portraying them as characters in a narrative gives them humanity. You can believe that something like Shelob is totally evil and needs slaying. But orcs are just guys. They're capable of rational speech. They hold conversations and make plans for the future. Listening to them talk among themselves is kind of like listening to workers stuck under a tough boss. Yeah, they're okay with horrible things, but they're also just trying to get by. It's hard to see them as completely evil when there's a possibility that they're being misled by a greater evil the way that plenty of other races are.

Both Fellowship and Two Towers end with a betrayal that splinters the group. Gollum and Boromir as parallels as people who both covet the ring?

I really fell in love with Frodo as a character in this book. Right from the beginning, the way he treats Gollum has a lot of parallels with how Gandalf treated Saruman and Pippin in the last book. He's patient and wise and commanding but still very fallible.

Catholic Tolkien experience is getting to the scene where Sam and Frodo call upon Galadriel, and it's absolutely impossible not to see parallels to calling for the Blessed Virgin's intercession.

And there's a ton of Christ imagery. The ring as the cross. His apparent death leaving his follower unsure of what to do next. Sam's sort of the loyal disciple who follows him to his death, and sort of the unfaithful one who leaves him (though in this case he's just trying to do his best when he truly believes Frodo is dead and he's got to carry on the quest.)

This book ends upon a cliffhanger. Is this where the "ending book 2 of the trilogy on a cliffhanger" trend started?

[tolkien-feels]

So I too began rereading lotr (not bc of you pffft ofc not im my own person wdym) and i gotta ask. What do you think about the eomer and gimli's discussion of arwen vs galadriel. i didn't notice it as a kid but to present me it rlly turns me off their characters though esp eomer's bc he always talks so strangely about even eowyn or how he talked to the poc coded druedain characters too. do you think this whole ish is just the product of the time or is this a deliberate flaw put there specifically

Oof, this one is difficult to answer because I feel like there are several layers to this.

Usual disclaimer that I'm not the best person to talk about this, because scholars make entire careers out of exploring the interplay between author, society, and text. You've asked for how I personally interact with this scene so I'll say that but please take it with as many grains of salt as you can find.

Under a cut because this got long.

Okay, let me go through the layers I think of when I read this scene.

One layer is that Tolkien's work does contain sexist elements (although if you go through HoME, you can see his depiction of female characters improves a lot over time, which is why I feel this was very much him being a product of his time, and as he matures, he began to address his own biases, although of course, his portrayal ultimately doesn't hold up to modern day sensibilities, nor does intention stop readers from feeling uncomfortable), and his views on race are very problematic on multiple levels (and these remain more consistent, I would argue). So a part of that is definitely, imho, just Tolkien showing his biases.

Another layer, though, is that he's very much borrowing from medieval ideas. It's a major trope in medieval literature to have knights praise ladies and quarrel with each other over whose lady is best (which is often tied to beauty, although physical beauty is tied to virtue, so discussing beauty and discussing virtue are often one and the same in medieval literature.) Now, Tolkien started out having dwarves be all evil, and even in The Hobbit, the dwarves are not usually very courtly. That Gimli is shown repeatedly speaking of aesthetics, reciting poetry, and holding Galadriel as the lady whose favor he values strikes me as Tolkien trying to show Gimli's nobility, which is comparable to Eomer's, a prince/king.

Yet another layer is that Eomer specifically is meant to be a character who wouldn't be out of place in a story such as Beowulf. When his views seem Bad, I'm pretty sure they are meant to be, and some characters actually push back on that at times. Not just on his own personal views, but Rohan's as a whole. The people of Rohan are very honorable and heroic, but their views on elves are demonstrably wrong, and Tolkien is interested in how, while heroic, their ideas of death-as-a-noble-pursuit are ultimately out of step with how Middle-Earth works (where life is nearly always celebrated.) I'm not sure we can extend that to the Druedain, because Tolkien's own views on the Druedain seem to me veeeery problematic, but it's not impossible to headcanon that this, too, is a cultural bias of the Rohirrim.

(Side note: nobody comes off looking very good in the whole Eowyn fiasco, but Tolkien seems to be taking Eowyn's side while acknowledging that the people around her mean well and aren't out to make her miserable. For somebody who struggles writing female characters, Tolkien shows a marked interest in exploring the limited choices women have in life, especially in wartime, and how often even good, honorable men are horrible to them because they're simply too self-centered.)

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, I also think it's important to remember that in the context of the scene, Gimli and Eomer are clearly just being playful. I believe they're high off the end of war and joking around with hyperbole. I don't think we necessarily can extrapolate this is how they would normally think about the women around them, nor do I think Tolkien wants us to.

Finally, this scene is barely about Galadriel, or Arwen, or Gimli, or Eomer. It's about Morning that has become Evening. The time of the high elves (as represented by Galadriel) is ending, and now it's time for Gondor to protect and guide Middle-Earth (as represented by Arwen.) Elves are fading, men are coming into their inheritance. Galadriel and Arwen are personifying concepts here, and I don't think it's a coincidence that Gimli (who will also leave Middle-Earth soon-ish) is siding with the Morning and Eomer (a mortal man) is siding with Evening. Again, metaphors.

Sooooo basically, I think while the scene is uncomfortable to read (as are many scenes in Tolkien), my personal take is that any analysis that reads this scene as Free Of Authorial Bias is overlooking aspects, while any analysis that reads this scene as Just Typical Sexism is failing to consider other aspects. It's Complicated, as usual

[thenotificationmachine]

A Rant About the State of My Favourite Stories

I bet you're all wondering by now why I keep ranting about my annoyances over Helluva Boss instead of just talking about something else. First of all, I should definitely start doing that; there's no point dwelling on this painful abortion of a series/setting when I have other things to enjoy.

But secondly, I was so invested in Helluva - and hence so, so disappointed when it began to fail (both in terms of my expectations and its own continuity) - was because it was something NEW when so many of my interests have essentially stopped growing.

That's not to say they're dead - on the contrary, in many cases they're still alive and kicking - but there's no way I'm invested in what new stuff is being produced. I was really into Star Wars until I realised how badly Disney was destroying it with the "sequel" trilogy and all the horrible retcons, but at the very least I still have the movies, the Clone Wars and Rebels cartoons (yes, I actually liked Rebels) and - if absolutely necessary - the old, confusing but still somewhat interesting Legends continuity (aka the old Expanded Universe), even if it's way too messy for my liking.

Warhammer 40k has certainly become weird since the Gathering Storm, but since the staff at GW put out what essentially amounts to a license to ignore the Primaris marines, Votann and any other botched modern lore I dislike by saying that "everything is canon, but not everything is true", even if that wasn't their original intent, I'll happily take it. And then there's the Horus Heresy if things get REALLY bad.

Doctor Who has certainly declined HORRIBLY since Chinballs took over and politicised everything while destroying the Doctor's backstory, but at the very least I can just ignore everything that came out from 2018 onwards.

And as for the Lord of the Rings (and the rest of Tolkien's legendarium), it was always a static work once Tolkien and his son passed away and so any bad adaptations mean even less than they do in any other context since I can just go back to the books (and Peter Jackson's movies, since they're great).

But all the same, I can't look forward to any new things coming out of the above fandoms besides fan works (except Warhammer) and have to rely on the old stuff otherwise. Not exactly the most ideal situation for a fan of something. So Helluva, which was something entirely new, was genuinely exciting with its worldbuilding and captivating characters (especially a certain pink succubus). This made it all the more painful when it began falling apart since there was no extensive mine of past material for me to fall back on and since the story direction and characterisation has (in my opinion) begun falling apart so (relatively) early in, it will always feel... incomplete to me and I can only rely on my own headcanons and fan materials, which don't feel the same as the canon, botched as it is. Combine that with me being tired of losing most of my interest interest in almost all of my former fandoms and the fact that my favourite character, the only one I've truly managed to make a connection with, is a side character that has way more potential than screen time than Viv is willing to give her, feels genuinely heartbreaking to me. Melodramatic, I know, but that's how it feels to me.

Alright, now that I've said my piece, I'll get back to enjoying the remaining fandoms I have and try to stick to Helluva through the fandom side of things. Who knows, I might even try to tell my own versions of the story someday - I doubt I could do as badly as Viv, anyway. And at least I have video games to enjoy; Metroid and Zelda still have expanding storylines that I don't have to ignore!

[absynthe--minded]

So... Let's say that, on the wave of recent excitment for the upcoming book, somebody has decided to ignore both their official academic career AND the evergrowing pile of bought-but-not-read books on the bookshelf, and wants to finally dive into HoME... which volume(s) would you suggest starting with? Asking for a friend...

so my answer to this is Morgoth’s Ring, but it’s a bit more complicated than that.

the thing about HoME is that it’s not organized by category, it’s organized chronologically, so it starts with the very first stuff Tolkien wrote and builds out from there. If you’re interested in tracing the development of a particular character, it’s in your best interest to get the whole thing and use the index or a search function to track their progress, but if what you’re looking for is a specific story, that’s a different animal entirely. Morgoth’s Ring, in my opinion, has a lot of stuff that’s really worth reading if you want to start exploring more deeply and you’re already interested in the fandom as a whole, but there’s a lot more out there worth exploring, SO.

what I’m gonna do is go through the volumes and point out anything that’s there that I really like or think is relevant in terms of fanon. I’m excluding the middle volumes because they’re the rough drafts of The Lord of the Rings and don’t really come up a lot in conversation in the fandom, so this is gonna be the beginning and the end. I am of course giving my opinion as to highlights and must-reads, and if people feel like I’ve slighted their personal favorite thing, I hope they’ll say so in the notes! there’s so much and it’s scattered everywhere and I know I’ll forget something worth mentioning.

the way that HoME is structured is snippets of text in between long stretches of commentary by Christopher Tolkien, and the commentary is hit or miss. personally, I disagree with basically every point Chris makes, but it’s still worth reading in some situations because he will cite fragments or notes or asides that don’t get transcribed, or he’ll discuss things he did for the published Silmarillion that he judges to be errors. there are also footnotes written both by JRRT and by Chris, and those are always worth it in my opinion.

The Books of Lost Tales - technically this is one and two of twelve, but they have a very different structure than the rest of the History. here is where we’ll find the very earliest stuff Tolkien ever wrote about Arda, and here is where the beginnings of the ‘Mythology for England’ idea come into play. the basic idea for these books is that Eriol, or Ælfwine, a mariner presumably from the British Isles, goes on a solo voyage and gets horribly lost and lands on Tol Eressëa. from there, he becomes what I can only really call a weeb but for elves (elfaboo?) and starts asking a bunch of questions to the people who befriend him. they very obligingly start telling him everything, and as a result there’s a frame story for a significant part of these volumes that makes the whole thing feel very fairytale in a way that later works really don’t capture. the bones of the SIlm are here, though a lot of the political intricacies and character drama aren’t. it’s also a very incomplete telling, though all three of the Great Tales show themselves. highlights: the Tale of Tinúviel aka “the one where Beren is a Noldo and Sauron is a giant cat”, the most complete version of the Nauglamír story that we have (though I will argue that it’s noncanonical for various reasons), the only complete account of the Fall of Gondolin featuring horribly detailed Everybody Dies play-by-play

The Lays of Beleriand - this is a poetry volume so if you really don’t like poetry I understand skipping it, but if you do read it you’re in for a treat. the framing device is basically gone, but it’s worth pointing out that Ælfwine isn’t gone entirely - he pops up a few more times throughout the rest of HoME to serve as the in-universe writer of a bunch of fake sociological studies and articles. highlights: here’s where you’re going to find the full-length Lay of Leithian (incomplete, but the most detailed version of the story that we have so far) as well as the Lay of the Children of Húrin, which is also incomplete but has some really heartwrenching stuff as well as Beleg and Túrin kissing and Morgoth hitting on Húrin.

The Shaping of Middle-Earth - here’s where a lot of stuff that turns up in the Silm comes from, to the point that I can pick out direct quotes from Shaping that are in the published volume. still no framing device, we’re getting into the early Quenta properly. highlights: the Quenta, appropriately, which is useful not least as a compare/contrast between the source and the Silm, and the translations of the Fëanorians’ names into Old English. this is a great volume and I absolutely recommend it.

The Lost Road and Other Writings - this is kind of an oddball volume but there’s a lot of information here about Númenor, even if quite a lot of it is deviating from later and more definitive canon. We get a time travel story of sorts, with a distinctly more fantastical bent than your average time travel story, and information about what’s best described as a Sauron-driven industrial revolution meant to help challenge the gods. highlights: basically everything we know about Adûnaic is here

Morgoth’s Ring - skipping past The Return of the Shadow, The Treason of Isengard, The War of the Ring, and Sauron Defeated, we come to volume 10. if you are going to get only one HoME volume, get this one. Both during and after writing LotR, Tolkien returned to the Silmarillion, and began to introduce more character details in addition to worldbuilding and linguistics. With Laws and Customs Among the Eldar and The Statute of Finwë and Míriel we get information about marriage and birth and death and see the beginnings of the intricate interpersonal political drama in Valinor that so many fans have come to love and hate. the Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth is here, too. highlights: there’s too many to pick from so I’m just gonna say character descriptions! here is where we get the detail that Míriel Þerindë has silver hair. Nerdanel makes her first appearance, and this is the only source for much of the information about her character.

The War of the Jewels - this volume is my personal favorite, largely because of the Grey Annals, my preferred canonical source and my pick for best draft, riddled with Maedhros character details and Russingon subtext and raw dialogue. there’s other stuff here too but I think WotJ is worth it for that alone. this is a volume highlighted by timelines and outlines rather than full narratives, but there’s a surprising amount of detail and gut-wrenching pain and agony despite the lack of conventional storytelling. highlights: here’s where we get the famous “and their love was renewed” line for Maedhros and Fingon, same with the mention of the green Elessar stone being originally given to Fingon by Maedhros. Finrod tells Celegorm and Curufin “your oath will devour you” and that’s raw as hell.

The Peoples of Middle-Earth - some of the very last things Tolkien wrote about before his death, which places this in the same category as the upcoming The Nature of Middle-Earth in terms of timing/his greater career. the majority of this book is essays and examinations rather than narrative development, though a significant part of it is dedicated to Maeglin’s early life and particularly the travel times for Eöl’s journey that gave Aredhel and her son time to escape. there’s another version of the Statute of Finwë and Míriel here I think, but the full and more complete version is in MR. highlights: The Shibboleth of Fëanor, also known as “Dialectical Shifts Are A Conspiracy Theory”, which is notable for telling the story of a frankly comedic linguistic rivalry, featuring information about elvish naming customs, and giving a version of events at Losgar where Amrod gets burned alive with the ships.

I hope that helps! have fun!!

[beautifulterriblequeen]

I keep thinking about Silmarillion, and I was wondering : what do you think of Fëanor ?

I don’t know exactly how it should be seen...

Ooh, Fëanor. Gosh, okay, let me change the channel in my brain.

Fëanor is, at heart, a Capitalist Inventor. He's Dark Tony Stark. He creates endless things for the world to use, but what truly drives him is the bone-deep belief that he and his chosen ones deserve his most prized possessions more than anyone else. And he's willing to kill anyone on both sides to get them back. He swears an oath to fight until he gets what he wants, and thus seals the doom of untold thousands he'll never even meet.

That's an antagonist. Which is not the same thing as a villain. But Fëanor is very much an experience to be survived - or not - rather than any kind of ally. Much of what he does in the Silmarillion is imbalanced, driven by emotions he doesn't seem willing or able to control. And because he's an elf among elves, and they all live a very very long time, the effects of his choices carry forward for thousands of years. This one dude got a lot of people killed, directly and indirectly, including his whole family. For an elf was supposed to love the stars, he wasn't very stellar. Our Man in Valinor was way more into fire.

The part that bothers me about his character - and this is a modern take looking back at JRR Tolkien and his world in the last millennium - is that Fëanor is born this way. He is flawed from birth, and he's just Like That, forever. No chance to change, no encouragement to be different, to be softer, to be better, to corral his spirit of fire into something more light than heat. He's just dangerous chaos from start to finish. He comes into the world sucking his mother's spirit dry so she dies, he lives his life disagreeing with everyone around him except his sons, and he goes out encouraging those sons to hold to their unholy oath to retrieve the Silmarils or die trying. Which they do - the "die trying" part, anyway.

He's a piece of work.

He was also a brilliant, god-tier craftsman. I guess that's what happens when you study under the Vala Aulë himself, who literally shaped the physical world into existence.

He created the Silmarils, capturing the combined light of the Two Trees into three brilliant gemstones in a way no one ever did before or since.

He crafted the palantíri, which not even Sauron could replicate later.

He invented Tengwar script, which is the swirly elven writing we all associate with Middle-Earth.

He crafted the mysterious Feanorian lamps, which are crystals that emit blue light and cannot be doused.

He was constantly thinking up new ideas and crafting them. Eru only knows what he made that has been lost. You'll notice none of these things he made are swords. Yet he led an attack against the Teleri on his way out of Valinor, and the Teleri defended themselves, so I kind of assume he was also a weaponsmith, trying out new ideas in metal form if nothing else.

Brilliant and misguided, a flawed juggernaut, destined to drag the entire world and countless lives off course. The earlier these characters show up in the timeline, the more destructive chaos they end up causing.

I do not like Fëanor. He's a White Guy, doing as he pleases with no thought for the consequences, to himself, to those of his family he actually likes, or to anyone else. He holds enough privilege and power that people keep following him into disaster, and then he just goes and does it again, without learning a damn thing from his imbalanced approach. He even dies thinking he did nothing wrong ever in his life. Like... Bitch.

Having power is no guarantee that you deserve power, and Fëanor is a prime example of why.

This has nothing to do with the objects he made. Those are just tools, free to be taken and used for good or evil, as the palantíri were, and as every message ever written in Tengwar was. Would the world have been better off without the Silmarils at all, or the palantíri? Would a different language script have somehow altered the world for the better? Since it's fiction, we could just decide that Yes, Yes It Would, or No Actually Not.

What's not fictional is my distaste for presumptuous assholes with a bit of power but no self-awareness, because I've already met too many of them who weren't fictional, either.

You want my unvarnished opinion of Fëanor? He's a billionaire. And I'm glad he got eaten. It wasn't nearly soon enough.

Eat your billionaires before they get all crusty, kids. They taste best fresh and plump. Nom nom.

Still here? Oh, then it's time to compare Fëanor to TDP! Because as much as I despise him, he makes for excellent storytelling angst and conflict, and vicarious conflict is how we learn to avoid it in our real lives - if we're paying attention.

I've said before that I'd like to see some kind of Oath of Fëanor effect in TDP. The absolute horror at seeing good characters get yoinked into bad deeds just because they promised? Ahahaha, horrible, thank you, I'll have some more. If the Moonshadow assassins have something like that behind those creepy binding ribbons, I'm gonna be cackling in between my tears, fam.

But Fëanor himself? Oh, do you see, that's Aaravos! He's even got that craftsman side, since he made the relic staff, and boy is it swirly.

(Does that make Ethari a Celebrimbor type, separating himself from the dark deeds of his forebears yet still massively talented, creating amazing magical devices?)

Aaravos is the main villain of TDP, as far as we've been told. He's crafty, in both senses of the word. Did he have some angsty complex family life with half-siblings and a mother who died because she birthed him? Maybe. Stars can be born from the detritus of other stars that exploded and died, so there's a sciencey metaphor there already.

Of interest: Fëanor had seven sons, and the world of TDP has seven kinds of magic. Aaravos created at least one of them. Did he create primal magics too, from the deep magic that came before? Might there be some kind of oath involved there, with the first elves to wield differentiated magic?

How about those primal stones that look like palantíri? How many of those did Aaravos craft? Can he use one from his library to spy on people who have them or something? That would mean he could already know a ton about Viren even before he came to the Storm Spire and stole the mirror. Woah.

What about a Silmaril equivalent? Are there especially glorious magical gemstones in Xadia? Did Aaravos wear them in his crown and now he's mister Grumpy Glam without them?

Did he create the original runes that diverged into all the elven languages? With his sloppy handwriting? Heh, the other elves must've been very patient.

You know... Aaravos has been called a Promethean figure, gifting humans with knowledge and skill they didn't have. But that gift was the gift of fire. A tool. A tool employed by craftsmen.

Fëanor literally means "Spirit of Fire."

In the end, Fëanor was consumed by his own spirit. He never learned to vibe with it, and it destroyed him and many others. Sounds a lot like dark magic.

Maybe the real Oath of Fëanor in TDP is one you have to speak backwards.

[kaia-art]

Gwindor of Nargothrond,

One of the most tragic figure of all of Tolkien’s characters.

Having lost his brother Gelmir in the Battle of the Sudden Flame (Dagor Bragollach), Gwindor joined the Battle of the Unnumbered Tears (Nirnaeth Arnoediad) to take vengeance for his brother whom he thought was dead, only to find Gelmir actually a captive at Morgoth’s army’s hand and having to witness his brother’s horrible death (having been tortured and blinded before, Gelmir was then mutilated while still alive and brutally slain in front of the elven army). At the sight of his brother’s mangled corpse, Gwindor broke ranks and charged forwards, and thus beginning the bloodiest battle which ended with the defeat of the Noldor, High King Fingon’s death and Gwindor himself was captured and enslaved.

He spent fourteen years as a captive slave in the mines of Angband, where the strength and beauty of his body were ruined, before escaping and lost a hand in the process. Just after meeting and being helped by Beleg Strongbow, who was looking for his captured friend Turin inside Angband, he had to witness Beleg accidentally been killed by Turin. After consolin Turin in his grief, Gwindor led him to Nargothrond, only to see the girl who had been betrothed to him fell in love with Turin.

Gwindor met his end defending the city he treasured and his last thoughts are of Findulas, the woman who had betrayed him. He died knowing he had failed to save his family, his kingdom, his friend and the woman he loved. Oh how tragic a character’s story could be!

Starting as only a minor character but Gwindor’s fate actually played a significant role in many other tragic storylines in The Silmarillion 

This drawing of mine is the moment Gwindor was enraged by his brother’s death and was about to attack too soon. Yes his act was one of the factors that changed the course of this crucial battle but who can blame him?

See my other Silmarillion artwork HERE

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[galadhremmin]

silm asks - 1, 9, 13, 22

1. Favorite Section (Ainulindalë, etc.)? The end, because it breaks my heart! The sense of loss is so palpable. You really experience a feeling of mourning for the destruction of a world that never existed in a way I have never experienced with other fantasy. I do love the Ainulindale because the idea of a world made of music and responsive to it is incredible appealing to me. ‘Is that not a silmaril,’ or! that sentence about the death of Miriel...  ‘ and the sky reeled, and the hills slid, and Númenor went down into the sea, with all its children and its wives and its maidens and its ladies proud; and all its gardens and its halls and its towers, its tombs and its riches, and its jewels and its webs and its things painted and carven, and its lore: they vanished for ever. And last of all the mounting wave, green and cold and plumed with foam, climbing over the land, took to its bosom Tar-Míriel the Queen, fairer than silver or ivory or pearls. Too late she strove to ascend the steep ways of the Meneltarma to the holy place; for the waters overtook her, and her cry was lost in the roaring of the wind.’ Painful; beautiful. But yeah, I can’t really choose. Though I’d still say the end.   9. What Age of Arda would you like to live in? I love reading about heroic and tragic events and enjoy dramatic irony, but I want none of those things in my own life! Years of the Trees in Valinor. Every time I try to think about what Valinor would be like in a slightly more concrete way it grows stranger and more intense in my imagination. Even if it would speed up my death-- fine. See Valinor And Die. ‘ And tales and rumours arose along the shores of the sea concerning mariners and men forlorn upon the water who, by some fate or grace or favour of the Valar, had entered in upon the Straight Way and seen the face of the world sink below them, and so had come to the lamplit quays of Avallónë, or verily to the last beaches on the margin of Aman, and there had looked upon the White Mountain, dreadful and beautiful, before they died.” -- That’s the spirit. If it actually existed I’d swim upstream towards the blessed realm like a salmon in season, right here right now.   13. Would you want The Silmarillion to be made into a film or tv series? Only if it was animated, and only if it was done by people like the ones who made Song of the Sea, The Red Turtle or similar. I don’t think the entire thing would really work in the same style; an anthology of separate stories by different creators might work best. The only live action version of a Silm story I’d like to see would be Del Torro in the spirit of Pan’s Labyrinth. But overall I think the Silm material and the way people interact with it would suffer from a big studio laying claim over it. Copyright and capitalism don’t go well with this sort of story.  22. What is your opinion of Fëanor? He’s interesting. This is getting a bit long, so cut.

I think it doesn’t do the character or the story justice to make his conflict with Fingolfin entirely about his father’s affection; there’s a interesting sentence in one of the versions of the stories that indicates Fingolfin was at least perceived as threatening not just Feanor’s but also Finwe’s authority, in favour of the Valar;  Whispers came to Feanor that Fingolfin and his sons Turgon and Fingon were plotting to usurp the leadership of Finwe and of the eldest house of Feanor, and to supplant them by the leave of the Valar-- for the Valar were ill-pleased that the Silmarils lay in Tuna, and were not given in their keeping. [..] on the high day of the Valar Feanor spake words of rebellion against the Valar, crying aloud that he would depart back to the world without, and deliver, as he said, the Gnomes from thraldom, if they would follow him. And when Fingolfin sought to restrain him Feanor drew his sword. ' Combined with from yet another version; 'said Finwë: ‘While the ban lasts upon Fëanor my son, that he may not go to Tirion, I hold myself unkinged, and I will not meet my people.’ ... I think there’s room for more than just a narrative about a child insecure about his father’s love. That is also there; and it is fascinating all on its own, because he is the first person in Valinor to lose a parent, the first for so many things. But this is there, too; a potential politico-religious conflict about authority supported by Noldorin tradition vs. the Valar. Given that Ulmo called Feanor’s birth a result of Marring and Indis line the good to come of it I think this makes sense on both levels.  Anyway, aside from that I think his devolving into a state of horrible, selfish paranoia and grief leads him to do entirely awful things in an interesting way. I don’t read the character as a parallel for real world fascists/nationalists because that just doesn’t make sense in context of, well everything. Being a King in a feudal society is only the start of it... But given Tolkien’s life experiences I’d say when he uses a sentence like ‘no other race shall oust us’ the wording is deliberate, and you’re supposed to feel those associations; the way his spirit starts to twist, the wrongness of the words he uses to motivate those not convinced by the need for vengeance etc. Feanor is a character who often plays the oracle without knowing it. He predicts his own son’s final fate (Maglor) without realising it. When he sees the future he doesn’t know it, and when he is justified in his emotions or even opinions he reacts in the worst possible way. It makes him fascinating. He is too much of everything, and you get the distinct sense that he doesn’t truly understand himself.  Aside from that; well, the slender dexterity of Feanor’s fingers... haha. He was Tolkien’s favourite, clearly, and it shows. I really love what seems like his intense curiosity and need to engage with the world he lives in. I love that his heraldry seems related to the spectrum of visible light, when so much about him is about light. I think Nerdanel might be the only woman in Tolkien’s work who is not loved for her beauty but her spirit, and that in turn tells me something about Feanor’s spirit. I could go on, probably verging into headcanons. I enjoy the character; I think of his actions and eventual implied ideology are indefensible. I also think that the circumstances being what they were (no one born in the blessed realm truly understood loss, or having to let go of a possession, for one) and with the qualities ascribed to him his choices make sense. 

[kinsey3furry300]

A very confused Star Wars Fan desperately tries to justify their belief that “Caravan of Courage” shows the way forward for the franchise. No, really.

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve loved Star Wars. And I mean, all of it. The books, the games, the Lego, the spin-offs: I even enjoy the Holiday Special in a The Room so-bad-you-just-need-to-see-it sort of way.  But particularly the films. But here is when we run into the big problem: I’m just the wrong age. The original trilogy launched before I was born, the prequel trilogy hit cinemas when I was already a teen and while I went and saw them and enjoyed them, I was at that age where I was self-conscious about seeing a “kids” film, and hyper-aware of how silly and cringy those films were in parts. So my indoctrination, my inoculation with the Star Wars bug didn’t happen in the cinema, and it didn’t happen with any of the main franchise works. It happened on home video, on a skiing trip in the French Alps in the early 90’s. I’d have been about 6, and this was the first time I’d ever been abroad other than to see relatives in Ireland.  And I loved it: to this day I love skiing, but more than that, I have very, very fond childhood memories of this trip. This was shortly before I lost my biological mother to cancer, she’d have received her diagnosis just after we got back from the trip. This was when my younger sister stopped being an annoying screaming thing and became and became an actual person I could talk and play and share ideas with, this was before the combination my mothers long illness and my father having just launched his own IT start up meant I didn’t see him or her any more, despite the fact they were in the same house as me. This was this wonderful, nostalgic child-hood bubble when my family was intact, and nothing could ever go wrong. I skied all day with mum and dad, and would come back to the chalet in the evening. It was an English speaking chalet, I met my first real-life American there, and having grown up in the 90’s in the UK nothing was cooler than making friends with an actual American my own age. He had a hulk Hogan action figure with springs in the legs so if you put him on a hard surface and punched his head down, when you let go he’d jump really high in the air. We used to play with it together in the bath, back in that weird 90’s time-bubble when it was possible to convince two sets of parents that this kid you’d just met was you best friend in the world and of course shared bath time was, somehow, normal and appropriate. And fresh from bath time, tired from the day, the parents would give us some hot coco, dump us kids in front of the tv and grab the first shitty low-budget VHS they could find to keep us distracted while they went to the bar. In this particular time, in this particular place, that shitty low budget cartoon was the  complete set of the 1985 Lucasfilm/ABC Ewoks cartoon, plus the two spin off movies, and to this day that cheap, kitschy, kind of bad series has a special warm and cosy place in my heart. I remember being enthralled by the world, in love with the characters, applied by the bad guys and the injustice they caused (to this day I’m still irate about that time Wicket lost his set of beads documenting his progress towards becoming a full warrior and the older Ewoks basically said, tough, you need to re-earn all those merit badges from scratch. This struck me as exactly the sort of bullshit an adult would pull, and pissed me off) and on tenterhooks about what would happen to the characters.

It was also, by a coincidence, the first ever Star Wars media I was exposed to, and the above combination of events probably explains a lot about me.

So I was surprised, the other day, when scrolling Disney+, to find they’d added Caravan of Courage AND Battle for Endor to the roster in my region. Surely Disney wouldn’t want their slick, cool brand associated with this old trash? Surely there could be no place for this in the post-Mandalorian Star Wars cannon? Surely this is a horrible mistake some intern made, right?

Unless…. What if I’ve miss-remembered? What if it’s not just rose-tinted nostalgia goggles, and it’s, in fact, secretly really, really good?

I rushed to my comfy chair, got a blanket, dimmed the lights, made some coco (with rum in it, because why the hell not?) and sat down to re-examine this lost gem.

And wow: it’s every bit as shit as you’d expect.

It has aged exactly as poorly as you’d expect a cheap, mid 80’s direct to video spin-off to age. Caravan of Courage? More like Caravan of Garbage, am I right?

And yet… I still enjoyed every moment.

And it was sitting there, in my pyjamas, watching a cheaply made direct to video cash-grab from just before I was born, seeing it again for the first time in nearly 30 years, and I realised something.

It doesn’t really matter if this film is bad, so long as I enjoy it. And if it doesn’t really mater if this is bad, then I, like many Star Wars fans, wasted a huge amount of time and emotional effort on being butthurt about stuff I didn’t like about the Rise of Skywalker and it’s ilk. Because somewhere, right now, a tired and frustrated parent is putting Disney+ on to keep their kids quiet for two hours. And they won’t think too hard about what they put on, so long as it keeps little Timmy busy for a bit. Somewhere, right now, a kid is watching Rise of Skywalker, and it’s the first Star Wars media they’ve ever seen.

And that’s okay. Because we don’t know what that kids home life is like. We don’t know if it’s good or bad. Maybe it’s great, maybe it’s about to take a dramatic plunge like mine did, and this moment here will be the cosy, warm memory they look back on in 30 years time, and that’s beautiful.  They’re getting introduced to a fun, wonderful fantasy world that could be with them all their lives, through good times and bad, and as fans we should be happy about that.

Star Wars will never, die: it’s too darn profitable, Disney will never let it. And while I hope they learn from their mistakes and make sure every future Star Wars is a timeless gem of story-telling, statistically, if you keep making enough films, some of them will be bad. And while I’d like them all to be great, it’s still okay if they’re bad.

Because nothing can take away my memories of that week in that chalet. Nothing can take-away my memories of when they put the original trilogy on in cinemas for the special edition and I had my jaw hit the floor with how good it was on the big screen, not knowing or caring who shot first. Nothing can take away you memories of the Original Trilogy, the Prequels, or the Clone Wars. Nothing can tarnish the bits of the sequil trilogy that you like, and there are good bits in there.

But wait, what about continuity? What about the sacred, perfect written time-line that used to exist?

Well, what about it? Have you seen any other big, epic fantasy universe before? They’re all a mess. A work of fiction, particularly fantasy, can be extensive, or tightly written, but not both. Harry Potter is only seven books, and the last two feel, tonally, like they’re from an entirely different series. I love them, but the grim-dark kicked in so fast you’ll get whiplash. The Hobbit is a perfect written self-contained novel, and LOTR is *The* big boy high-fantasy trilogy: fast forward 50 years, and Christopher Tolkien is desperately squeezing every last drop of money out of his father’s corpse by finishing and publishing every unfinished note JRR ever wrote right down to his shopping lists. Even Dune goes of the rails with sequels. I can only think of four fantasy works that are both extensive and consistently tightly written, Song of Ice and Fire, Wheel of Time, Malazan: Book of the Fallen and Brandon Sanderson’s Cosmere universe. And even then, the prequels and spin-offs mess with the timelines: the Dunk and Egg novella’s change some character’s canonical ages and timelines, Wheel of Time was going slowly off the rails even before the Jordan died, Forge of Darkness made what was a good metaphor for the creation of it’s world into a literal war deep in the past, and Sanderson’s first Novel Elantris got a re-write to bring it more in line with the rest of the shared universe. The MCU, oft held up as the modern example of tightly planned, well thought out ongoing storytelling, is a lie: it was never as pre-planned out as Disney wants us to think; the first Iron Man, apparently, barely had a script, with Downey ad-lib-ing most of his scenes. None of the MCU films are direct sequels to each-other other than Infinity war and Endgame. There are three Iron Man films, and Three Thor films, and none continue an ongoing story line across multiple films, and the Cap films barely continue an arc, but only where Cap’s relationship with Natasha and Bucky is involved.  Much like these, Star War’s cannon is a complete, nightmarish, confusing, tangled, illogical mess. And it has been since 1984, as Caravan of Courage proves. It was never consistent and well planned.

And that’s okay.

I used to care about plot holes. I used to care about which works were cannon in Star Wars lore. I’m over that now. I’m happy to imagine the books, films and games not as a blow-by-blow historical account of a galaxy far far away, but as campfire stories from within this fun, imaginative world that we’re all invited to listen to. Stories that are in-universe myth and folklore, that we can all snuggle up and listen to while drinking highly alcoholic rum and remembering better times, knowing that wherever the future throws at us, no matter how the world goes to hell around us, we’ll still have the memories, and the ability to make our own new stories in the wonderful Star Wars world we all share.

And that’s okay. No, more than that: that’s beautiful.

Also Star Wars is completely unambiguous on the fact we’re allowed to kill fascists no matter how many times they keep coming back with a new logo, so that’s timely I guess.

So, there’s my hot take two-years after everyone else stopped caring about this stuff, as per bloody usual. Tell me why I’m wrong below, and does anyone else have any truly awful spin-off shows that they kind of have a nostalgic soft spot for?

[flowerflamestars]

Looking through all the complaints plus explanations on why acosf is just horrible and does take sense, I have come to another conclusion other than just hating the damned book. Sarah doesn't know how to do fuming research, like Wikipedia? And she knows shit about mythology and folklore. I swear to god its like she read a story about the creature somewhere, then proceeds to want to write about it, but forgets everything but the name of the creature just says fuck it, I'll make up my own story, BUT STILL USE THE SAME DAMM NAME; and for the love of God is too lazy to use wikipedia

OOOmph this is such a solid point!

I just....all writer’s borrow. All of us. From life, from a greater canon of storytelling that we exist in, from folklore, from just everywhere. 

There’s a diagram in my head, for example. two circles that do not touch. One circle reads: Holly Black. The other, a small acre away: S/JM.

One the reasons why I love Black’s books so very much (which are not strictly the same genre, but I would argue at least come from the same tradition as what s/jm started with?) is that she uses folklore. Myths, even the names of faery creatures that are existent- but then she uses those things to create internal consistency. Rules for her world, which is, even if she’s talking about kelpies, inhabited by original, vibrant characters.

Every time in acosf we got a creature name, it was sort of startling? This book has 300% more magical monsters than the previous (yes, because they’re ‘waking’). and every single on the those monster’s is Capital Named.

And it just...doesn’t work?

And honestly, I think you’re right, I think it is the name thing breaking up the narrative? 

This is FULLY just my own nonsense now, but I’ve always gotten the feeling that acotar faeries are just...elves? Tolkien elves, with bad attitudes. 

They live forever, they can lie, they don’t have true names- all our characters are human+++, but they don’t follow faeries rules....and the rules we do have set out are malleable at best.

And what makes this all the more omnipresent- again, just to me- is that inexplicably this is a faery world populated with faeries, the presumptive majority of which...don’t look human like High Fae do?  

BUT all our characters are High Fae. (Illyrians are considered low fae because...wings?)

I’m losing the thread but my point is, much like LOTR- and unlike other faery storytelling- everyone with a human (ish) face? Good. Everyone not? Bad.

(the sole resounding exception to this that I can think of is Alis? who sort of falls under the faery helper in the home trope???)

My point is, the stories main impetus have never operated within a faery-from-folklore lens. 

(See again, Holly Black. Her stories are populated with all kinds of ‘scary faeries’ who are terrifying because they are incompatible with a human world, but they’re not purely monsters. They have personalities. They love. They just don’t look OR act human.)

So we get all these recognizable names all the sudden, but nothing about their little backstories matches the world. And all these creatures? Monsters according to the book. 

The Wild Hunt? Monsters to...other faeries???

Bryxasis was made up. WHY stop making up things that thus do fit...and use existing things that don’t make sense with the story??

I really didn’t like it either, it was both jarring and oddly lazy writing? More distracting than contributing to anything. 

(Unrelatedly but, her just fully called Koschei Koschei made me scream the first time I read it. The evil sibling squad: The Weaver (evilest of all witch from hansel and gretel on steroids LOVE IT), The Bone Carver (who it is implied? actually came from her other universe of books), ah yes, and Koschei the Deathless as he stars in the Firebird 1910 by Igor Stravinsky)

SEMI RELATEDLY, Because wow did the here’s a monster, here’s a monster make something else weird clear in the text: the more human a faery looks, the more ‘good’ we’re supposed to think they are.

In the narrative...that hates all humans. Or, at least, greatly devalues their lives/experiences. 

Take Gwyn, for example. She’s a quarter water nymph. it gave her pretty eyes (and her deceased twin webbing, which sorry yall, feels very convenient). And it’s not framed as- yeah, sometimes I just need to swim! I have limited cool water magic!

It’s a shame. It’s something we see her harassed about on page? She doesn’t say like, some faeries don’t like mixed blood. Or some people don’t like nymphs. Its: my grandmother ‘seduced’ a High Fae.

And then of course, we have the extremely fun Winged Babies Kill plot.

So not only are all the Capital Names from lore Evil, so are, it is strongly implied, all faeries who look like (western) mythological faeries????

Guys, why aren’t these books just about elves?

[jingyismom]

got tagged by the wonderful @mylastbraincql to post 10 Things About Myself, which, are there even 10 things other than cql and writing fanfiction??? let’s find out

1. i don’t want to be one of those people who are like ~i love languages~ but...i do. oops. i’m only fluent in english and french (my college degree), but i’ve put work into at least the basics of...well. this is under a cut so let’s just go: latin (a whole minor’s worth), greek (classical and modern), mandarin, american sign language, spanish, german, sanskrit, and arabic. i particularly love medieval french. i kind of wanted to be a linguist but academia is a hellscape, so i’m just a hobbyist language learner and that’s pretty fun. i need to really work on my spanish and start korean next, but right now my brain is deep in mandarin mode (thanks c-dramas).

2. i wish i had the tenacity and drive to be a musician. i love playing music, my mom started teaching me when i was 4 so i should be super good right? wrong. i still play piano like a 4yo. string bass is my ~instrument but it’s been years since i played it seriously. i am mediocre at guitar and an enthusiastic but unstudied singer. maybe some day i’ll put real work in again but for now that executive dysfunction’s a real bitch, so even thought i am a Music Person, singing in the car is about as wild as i get.

3. i was a substitute teacher for 4...5? years. 4 years of regular substituting here after 1 year of working as a language assistant/substitute english teacher in france. teaching is excellent fun and i love it dearly but the field of education is currently pretty soul-crushing in the US, so i have been trying to figure out what...to do.

4. the town where i lived in france was where jeanne d’arc was captured (i was already a huge fan, and getting to kneel where she prayed her last free prayer was...something. i’m not even religious), and one town over from pierrefonds, the castle where they shot bbc’s merlin. alas, they had just finished shooting the final season when i got there. but it really does Look Like That. once, when i was bringing some friends to see it, we missed our stop and got off the bus at a countryside cemetery (i am a goth, this is my jam), and walked back to pierrefonds, since it was a sunny day. until it started hailing. we took refuge in a spooky, empty church from the 1100s and got to explore some of its catacombs and reliquary. it was an absolutely perfect day.

5. i have never not been a Big Fan of something. i have an entire shelf of Tolkien volumes that has lived in my room since the 6th grade. i used to go to warped tour and san diego comic con every year. i have slept on the sidewalk in line for things...many, many times. but this is somehow the first time i’m...trying to participate in the fan community? trying to contribute and talk to people? it’s wildly nerve-wracking but also SO rewarding because everyone? is so? nice??? i love you all

6. i’m a distant cousin of George Gordon, Lord Byron, and EXCEEDINGLY proud of this fact. he was so ridiculous, and stupid, and marvelous, and queer. sometimes i’m like, it couldn’t have been wilde? or shakespeare? but i do love my horrible cousin. it was shocking studying in athens where they have actual monuments and museum exhibits dedicated to him...i was like...this guy? this drug-addled sex addict? okay...okay, good for you, cuz.

7. really all i want is to make people laugh. i feel like i come across weirdly stiff on the internet, and i have apparently horribly intimidating vibes with new people, but really...i am basically just jack black. i don’t mean that positively or negatively it is just neutrally true. i am a clown.

8. i wish i had cool physical skills like martial arts or dance or even a sport but...my body is...uncooperative. i am not necessarily clumsy or uncoordinated i am just Too Tired. oh, and also i have a funky little arm birth defect which is mostly unnoticeable, just makes me a bit awkward and painful. instead i do grandma things like knitting and sewing, which are cool in their own way. it’s very satisfying to make something with your hands. i’ve made an entire (simple) ren faire costume and edwardian ballgown, as well as lots of various odds and ends. oh and i’m pretty good at makeup! i did wedding makeup for a friend, and not in a “wedding of questionable taste” kind of way. i did lots of research and several practice runs and it was all a very classy vintage affair.

9. if you ask me to pick between books and movies i Cannot. i just...love stories. i love seeing them and hearing them and reading them and telling them. there’s nothing better or more important than stories. whether it’s pacific rim or hamlet, philadelphia story or dogsbody, i cannot live without it.

10. i used to work as a street character at a renaissance faire. please do not hold this against me. if you want some ABSOLUTELY WILD stories (”baaa means no”), just ask

this was wildly difficult and i feel like it swings wildly from depressing and self-effacing to ridiculous bragging but i would like to see my mutuals do it anyway! i’m just gonna randomly tag @valarinde @milkcrates @universesvisiting @cendiar @habibinasir @fapamir if you want a fun little distraction but seriously if you see this and want to do it, i tagged you! you’re tagged!