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#and then making me feel guilty for being mad at her.
daenysx · 2 days
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hello can i ask for another aemond hurt comfort fic (if ure still writing for him, if not thank u anyway <3) make it hurt pls thank you 😞
p.s: i absolutely sobbed reading that drabble of him getting snappy at reader bcs they wanted to go out while it's sunny + also why i went back on ur blog and coincidentally saw ur requests open lol
i don't think i'll ever stop writing for aemond, i love him too much ♡ thank you for your request, lovely, i hope you like this!
modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader, hurt/comfort
aemond isn't used to have someone taking care of him, not when he's like this.
his mother was doing the best she can when he was younger; holding his hand when he had an appointment with his doctor, sleeping next to him and rubbing his back when he couldn't get any rest, kissing his forehead and telling him how brave he's been. as he grew older he stopped asking for help, she had to have her own life. he did anything he can to convince her that he's fully capable of taking care of himself now. "thank you, mom, i'm fine."
alicent put her children before her every time, sacrificing her youth just to make sure they are well. aemond felt guilty when he realized how little his mother cares about her own life, only to take care of her half blind son. it pains him, still, but he's a grown man now. he'll be okay when she's out of town with her newly wedded husband.
he lies in bed for hours, waits for the pain in his eye disappear. the room is dark, it's silent in a disturbing way. aemond curses under his breath when a sudden pain flashes in his head, he might prefer dying over this.
no, he can't cry. it'll only make the pain worse. does he deserve to live his young days like that? laying in bed like a sick man, waiting for help but being too prideful to ask for it, spending hours only to be able to breathe without suffering. he's mad these days, always angry and tense. vengeful for something that happened years ago, tearing up for his wound that will never be okay.
the door creaks open slowly. you close it back to let the darkness stay still. quiet steps, almost hesitant as if he'll tell you to leave. you put on a brave face as you approach him with a cool glass of water in your hand.
"aemond?" you whisper. you can't see his face clearly, he doesn't react as you put the glass on his nightstand.
"i'm okay." he says. dishonesty drips down his voice.
"can i help you?" you whisper again. it's the first time in your new relationship that he's been so bad. you don't know what to do.
"i'm used to it." he replies. "you can leave if you have somewhere else to be, i don't think i can leave the bed for the rest of the day."
your heart breaks. does he think you'll leave him like this? he might prefer suffering silently but you won't let him. he seems like he doesn't even get the point of having a relationship. he treats you like you aren't his girlfriend, like you are just another person in the room. it makes you wanna curl up in bed and cry, you know you don't deserve this.
he's still in pain so you can't be mad at him. it'll only make things worse. "i can leave- if you want to be alone. i'd rather stay with you, though."
you can't see his face but you can feel he tries to decide. you like aemond too much and you think he likes you too. you know he does. it definitely has to do something with his past. you try to take a silent breath, completely still to not disturb him.
aemond doesn't even know what to say, he'd kill to have someone by his side. to have you. he selfishly wants to keep you even when he feels like he shouldn't. you deserve someone better. you deserve a man who doesn't have to stay in complete darkness because of his past. you are shining everywhere you go but aemond is dark, there's no spark in him. he likes you too much to let you go, his inner turmoil does him nothing good.
"stay with me." he says finally. "please."
"can i sit?"
"mm-hmm."
you sit on bed carefully. you treat him like he's someone delicate, like he deserves something good. aemond isn't sure how to deal with your kindness, he still hasn't found a way. he likes it too much, though. he likes everything about you.
you hold his hand gently. his fingers are cold, you rub his knuckles with a soft thumb. he lets out a breath he doesn't know he's been holding when you press on a tight spot, right where his thumb meets his pointer finger. it feels nice. you keep rubbing his hand until you hear a protest.
"s nice." he says quietly.
"my mom used to do this when i got headaches. i know yours is different but-"
"s really nice." he says again. "thank you."
you take his other hand, treating with same kindness. he holds a lot of tension in his body, he doesn't even know how much. a massage to his hands is a small thing to help him relax but you want him to know you're with him.
"do you want to put your head on my leg?" you ask. "maybe i can rub your temples a bit."
you are not afraid of his rejection, willing to do anything that might help him. to your surprise, he sits on bed, waits for you to get comfier. you place yourself properly, he puts his head on your leg just the way you want and you start massaging his head.
"i like your hair so much." you whisper. "so soft."
"i like yours better." he replies, whispering. "but thank you."
you press your fingers to his temples slowly, he lets out another shaky breath. "i'm not gonna hurt you, i promise. you'll feel better in a minute."
he nods slightly, feeling of your warm fingers on his skin makes him somewhat excited. he is distracted with your quiet words and kind fingers, for a moment he forgets about the dull pain in his head.
you keep rubbing his temples until your fingers go numb. you stroke his hair then, silky platinum blonde strands flow in your hands. you play with his hair, braid a little piece of it. he truly is distracted at this point, too grateful to say something.
"i think i'll fall asleep." he can say.
"that's okay." you tell him. "i'll be here when you wake up."
somehow he knows you'll be here with him until the end. he can feel how his emotions for you fill his heart and his mind until they are both full of you, only you and no one else. it's a nice feeling, having someone by his side. being someone's choice, not responsibility.
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Hello! I’m whimsicalwordsmith53 AKA @call-me-izzy-10
For now I’ve been on a writer’s block stump since February. But that has changed thanks to @freaky-frankhie/@clowny-frankhie and their Disney Villain Reverse Isekai (thanks, I learned a new word with a new meaning. Usually I would call it “Jumanji’d) Since (he/she/they???) are working on Part 3, I decided to make my own Part 4, it’s not canon to her AU so it doesn’t count, but I thought it would be interesting to add some additional information of ideas depending on how Part 3 is written just to keep the plot going. So hope you guys enjoy.
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You slowly wake up to your senses as you turned off the blaring morning alarm on your phone. What a night. You didn’t get much sleep after having a “movie marathon” of watching ALL TWELVE MOVIES with the villains yesterday.
(With ChatGPT’s help, it’s an estimate of 16.92 hours.)
You weren’t sure how contemplated they were from now knowing the truth that their lives were scripted with no say about their existence being destined for failure by their nemesis’s hands. And that they’ll be nothing more than villains doomed for failure in an endless repeat.
And now the responsibility of them was now unintentionally handed to you to take care of the villains until somehow you are able to return them back from where they came from.
In all honesty, you didn’t like the idea of doing this alone. Even with the twelve of them being adults responsible for their own actions, chaos constantly follows wherever they go. Intentionally or not, hell will break loose between them somehow in some way in some form. And you were, without a doubt, mostly afraid that if you stepped outside of the house for a slight second, they unleashed their full chaos and destroy the house in blazing fire.
Or leave the house to cause chaos somewhere else. And you can’t chain them down to keep them from leaving because they don’t take “no” for an answer.
But thankfully last night, you made sure that all electronic doors are and regular doors were locked to keep them from escaping. You just hope that none of them attempted to escape last night and broke something trying to leave.
Immediately you get up from just thinking that. Quickly surveying the house for any damage that could have been done and being quiet as possible. You saw none of them awake yet and hoped that they were still in their rooms. You then sigh in relief and checked on the time on your phone that you took with you: 8:53 AM.
Tongue in cheek, you hesitated to call anyone you knew about this. You were worried about any of your friend’s (or family) reactions towards your situation and may try to exploit the villains for their own gain. You didn’t want them to be harmed by the villains or fan the flames to their own chaos.
As you looked through your contacts, you remembered you told one of your friends about the inherited mansion and that your boss’s death is how you received it. And you remembered their response very well:
“If he died in his home, would that make it a Haunted Mansion?” She laughs in amusement. “One soul down and 998 left to go!”
You couldn’t help but smile at that memory. With your finger hovered over her name, you dialed the number hoping that she will understand and not be mad or upset you’re putting her into your problem. Granted, you feel guilty, but who else would you trust for something like this? So far she’s the only one that knows of the Mansion and you knew damn well she’s too lazy to gossip nor has the heart to do it. If she has told people, without a doubt, you would have been receiving spam phone calls about your old colleagues begging for money.
You hear the phone ring as the receiver is near your ear. You pace in the kitchen as you cross your arms in worry. Then the phone picks up.
“Hello, Y/N,” she answers with a groggy tone through the phone. She’s not a morning person and you do feel bad for calling her this early in the morning. “Why are you calling me this early?”
“Hey Izzy,” you nervously chuckled. “I was hoping you could come to the mansion later. I need to ask you a favor from you when you get here.”
“Does it require burying a body?” She asked. Her voice still sounded like she was waking up that you couldn’t tell if it was sarcasm or not.
‘No, but you might end up burying mine.’ You thought to yourself. “No, it’s not that. Something… something happened last night. In the Mansion. I accidentally caused an incident here and now I need help.” You were so hesitant from telling her.
“You promise you didn’t kill anyone?” She asks. “You’re not in trouble with any loan sharks or the IRS?”
“Absolutely not for either,” you continued, rubbing your forehead with your free hand. “Just please come to the mansion as soon as possible. I prefer to tell you when you get here.”
“Alright,” she says, now sounding worried. “I hope you’re doing okay.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay until you get here,” you tell her, hopefully.
“Alright, I’ll see you soon,” she says and hangs up. You sigh in relief but was still stressed out. As you turn to make your leave to start getting dressed before making breakfast.
The doctor stood in the entryway with a look of… concern? Resentment? Distrust? You couldn’t tell because you immediately jumped from just seeing him standing there, you weren’t expecting any one of them flocking to you so soon this early in the morning.
“Good morning, Y/N,” Dr. Facilier says somewhat politely. “I couldn’t help but overhear that you were calling somebody. You’re not planning on leaving us so soon are you?”
You shook your head in response. When it comes to the villains, you have to tell them the truth like it or not. Because the majority of them could sense a half baked lie if they heard one. Telling the truth is the only way to keep yourself alive and unharmed from them. They expect it from you and you have to give them what they want.
“No, I was calling a friend for help,” you admitted to the doctor. “I don’t think this is something I can handle alone.”
(To Be Continued…?)
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DUN-DUN-DUN!!! That’s it for now, I don’t know when @freaky-frankhie/@clowny-frankhie is gonna post Part 3. But I’m not gonna make a full Part 4 until I see what’s next in her AU. Frankhie, if you ever find this and read it, thank you for blessing Tumblr with your Disney Villain AU, you have gotten me out of my writer’s block stump and I can’t wait to see what you offer more to the table. Take your time and I hope you’re having a good day. 😘
(@freaky-frankhie @clowny-frankhie)
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srkgirlblogger · 28 days
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#im going to sound crazy and angry but thats bec i am. i hope my mom dies#wont stop yelling at me. wont stop being passive aggressive all the time and criticising everything i do. wont stop treating me like shit#and then making me feel guilty for being mad at her.#shes always complaining abt me being lethargic and tired and she thinks its because i dont eat good (i eat atleast one meal everyday and#i eat healthier than almost every single kid of my age that i know) or bec i eat too little (after she literally made us give up eating#breakfast when we were like 14 and yelled at me for wanting to eat something for breakfast).#shes a dickhead. it never occurs to her that maybe me being continuous depressed for almost half of my life is a factor in my tiredness.#and im constantly anxious and i used to cry whenever i would pick up a pencil to draw bec i wasnt good at it and i wouldnt get to the#college i need to go to get away from this house if i didnt know how to draw. and literally ive just wanted a stupid skateboard for like#years at this point and she told me shed get me one on my birthday which was two months ago. and even before that when we were in the store#she told me she was going to buy one weeks before my birthday and then got mad at me even when jntold her I didn't want one then. now shes#not even pretending to care about it anymore. + she told me she was going to kick me out of the house if i failed my entrance exam days#after. actually no months after ive kept on talking to her about re attempting my exam if i fail it the first time around.#i hope she rots in hell and i dont even believe in hell#delete later
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perilegs · 9 months
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ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion
#ngl karlach would be too good for me and i wouldnt deserve it#shed probably ask me stuff like 'what do you want?' upon which i would be paralyzed with fear my mind completely blank unable#to process why i can't answer a simple question#and she's so up front with her emotions which i absolutely adore but i could not reciprocate that#wait am i actually for real avoiding the karlach romance bc i feel like this fictional character from a video game is too good for me#a real human being. like. i think i would feel guilty about romancing her#which makes no sense bc i romance characters too good for anyone all of the time. but idk#in those cases ive always had like a strong character i play as who is very divorced from who i am#but playing as durge there is no past so idk who my tav is yet so all i can do is project so he feels very. personal#im v sleepy and also ive had brain fog all day so yea idk#i mean i do genuinely like astarion and his character but in his case i dont feel guilty bc i feel like i#i have no idea how to finish that sentence without it sounding like 'i can fix him'#bc i dont want to fix him i want to show him compassion and respect him and his boundaries so he'll be able to reclaim tje feeling of#being in control of his life#so he'll stop putting people down to feel like hes on a pedestal#like i get him and why he is like that but i just feel like being kind and caring towards him would feel so good#it wouldnt fix him and thats a good thing bc i dont want him to change who he is but i do think he needs support#also hes hot im so mad at myself for being so atteacted to him#we wouldnt b here if i didnt have a thing for voices#besides thag back to the main point of astarion its like. ugh! im so frustrated rn bc i dont have the words#to express my emotions toward him bc everything ive said lacks the nuance that im feelikg but idk how to put it in words#i guess i want to protect him? that such a terrible sentence and still not what om going for
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aynut · 5 months
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COMFORTING A PERSON FOR DUMMIES
#CLICKBAIT🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵#god its just. how do you comfort a friend who got their really favourite Thing partially destroyed without overstepping boundaries or#being weird about it#this Thing was damaged by a classmate she barely knew and didn't even let them borrow it (fuck that bitch)#like. i dont blame her honestly and i dont think theyr overreacting because that Thing was really important to her#and i know that these types of incidents can kinda put you in a bad mood or have a mental breakdown since *i* also went through this#but the only thing i did was cry then eat then sleep#i was given space and it was fine with me#but everyones different. and that comfort i was given will not have the same impact towards other people#unfortunately i do not know the other methods#like i try to give them space just let them cry and all that but what im really worried about is that#I DONT TALK. I JUST STAY BESIDE THEM.#AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S GIVING 'JUST BE HAPPY ALREADY'#'IT DOESNT MATTER. STOP CRYING AND BE NORMAL'#ghrhgrhhhrhrhjrhhruhhghrhhhrgfhr whay#how do yall do it???????#imalso kinda nervous bc what if i mess up?what if i say smthn weird?but if i ignore her wont that kinda giving i dont care abt her feelings?#and NOW SHES KINDA IN A BAD MOOD AND CHATTED SOMETHING IN A GC AND I LEFT HER ON READ#AAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHH SHES MAD#I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. SHES MAD NOW. I KNOW ITS NOT ABT ME BUT IT MAKES ME GUILTY-#SOMEHOW??????????#LEAVING SOMEONE ON READ *ESPECIALLY* WHEN THAT SOMEONE IS MAD WONT THAT KINDA GIVE I DONT CARE ABT THAT???????????????#i hope shes doing okay. i hope she was able to let out some feelings and was able to get the comfort she needs.#aynut
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xdarkabyssx · 1 year
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Why couldn't jk Rowling just be a good fucking person??? I have all these Harry Potter decorations I saved up for YEARS for when I had a place of my own to decorate. They're so cool! But I just. Feel too fucked up about it to use them
Like she HAD to go and actively promote genocide against people like me
Fucking cunt
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kerorowhump · 10 months
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#keroro#i love this. she is me. i can live my unbridled amounts of cute aggression towards him THRU HER#i literally need to do this irl#like i just skimmed ep 64 bc i was curious about this trauma switch thing and ive never wanted to grab him and whack him around more#in an affectionate way not because im mad at him oh no. i understand him so deeply. i feel him. i know his most inner psyche.#and he inspires unrecorded levels of senseless violence in me#me in my little ignoramus bubble writing a 4 pages dissertation on his character anyway bc like. i get him ok#his deep seated sense of guilt that he's constantly fighting against. that he needs to repress and deny in order to function.#his fear of abandonment. fear of never being enough. not being able to make up for it. for himself. thats why hes self sacrificing#his selfish childishness that comes from not having been allowed a lot in his youth. taking friends for granted in his past but knowing -#you dont fit in with them. constantly apologizing for yourself. taking space. too much. self indulgence. because friends is s scary concept#and yet one you couldnt survive without. letting them walk all over you. denying your anger. your fears. crawling back to them with a smile#at their feet and biting time because what you really want is friends. company. but you think you don't deserve it. deep down.#maybe u dont. your worst reminder the friend you love. and if they ditch you it's deserved. you don't need them (you do)#why am i rambling!!!! he has ruined me. if im wrong dont even tell me bc i prefer this version in my head anyway#*charlie voice* look at me. psychological trauma up to here#im not saying growing up poor with a father that shames you for your interests and ''disciplines'' you made him selfish but. no yes!#i am saying that. bc i know how it is. growing up with friends that have a lot that u can never afford. u feel guilty just being with them#ok we strayed a lot from the og post which is just me saying I WANNA PUNCH THIS GUY SO BAD (he is me)#keroro gunso
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javic-piotr-thane · 1 year
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Barrowman 'Verse insanity - #1 World Without End, snippet 4/?
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and if you ask me, Rhys is right to be mad. they were trying to have just two (2) days to themselves (while Anwen is... an unspecified "away" (school trip?? it's anyone's guess)), and on the first day, Gwen walks away without hesitating to join Jack in his adventures. without even as much as an explanation. (seriously they kind of leave her in the dark for a really long time in this one, not sure if that is about viewers' anticipation but presumably? it just comes across as fucking rude tho tbh.)
also seriously what is that framing of Gwen. pink shirt, pink sunset background, blowing a kiss inside an almost-heart-shape (i know it's the binoculars but come on) - why.
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szczylpierdolony · 1 year
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#im so stressed out im so tired ive done nothing and i need to start writing the essays#i have 3 to do plus there are like 6 exams most of which have a lot shit to remember plus im having a psychology short test#and the results of another short test next week and i need to start this economy assignment#and im late almost two weeks with a russian assignment and i want to cry#my meds arent working so im a mess and i stopped taking them bc they give me nightmares but now im having withdrawal and my heart is being#weird and i want to cry i need to kill myself i need to call my doctor#and maybe ask her abt that thing that makes you not have to take all your exams if youre mentally ill#but i feel bad asking for it like its not like im really sick and it feels like im just constantly lying#and she already signed the crap that makes me not have to go to pe thankfully#so i cant go and ask her abt this too like whatever worst case i fail everything and rip my guts out and die#i dont remember when i showered last time and im just so stressed out and i cant do anything productive#i havent been drawing or learning or revising or even doing my reading#speaking of which i have like 300 pages for next week maybe more and i cant take this anymore i need to die#also i think my parents would get mad at me if i said i cant wrote all my exams#bc whatever im not really sick im just lazy and annoying and a bad person and i wish i could get hit by a car so bad i need my head to be#crushed and my brain to get wplattered across the street#also im so gross and sweaty i hate myself sm and i feel so guilty over everything all the time#and them i go to therapy and i cant talk abt anything bc i hate talking abt my feelings its gross and i dont deserve it#i wish there was easy access to guns here suicide would be so easy jesus#and im having insane mood swings again i need to get off social media even tumblr it just makes me feel like shit abt myself#tw suicide mention
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valpuduzz · 28 days
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my crush is so cute and so lovable i missed talking to him TOO BAD HE'S TAKEN❗❗❗❗❗❗❗
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bingobongobonko · 3 months
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cannot trust my own thoughts after 9 pm that is the rule, so im gonna shut that shit off. im talkin too much today, too much on the mind tho so makes sense. Man. idk man. again, dont trust your thoughts at night but also. Man. i feel like a disappointment in every regard. i think of all the immigrant kid stories and i feel like i pale. idea that you gotta work hard in school and get a good job to give to your family, i see it a lot and its really cool. i thought i could do it too, but i kinda failed big. i mean i try to provide, i do, but it feels like nothing. these like. super cool smart people with a big future, and then im here just like. drawing. yk. and im not even like studio worthy art, im just some guy who dicks around. ykwim. shrug. i should try harder to livebut also sometimes i wonder why we even came to this stupid fucking country. i guess the promise of a future. not an excuse to not do better idk, im just cynical rn. idk. what future. idk. idk
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inkskinned · 8 months
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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leebrontide · 1 year
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Every single time I see a take that amounts to "if you write about X happening, or like fiction where X happens, you like X" I'm reminded of this one time I was at a casual friends house as a young kid. We were in her room, pretending to "be orphans" escaping from an evil orphanage and having to take care of each other and fend for ourselves. It was all very Little Orphan Annie/All Dogs Go to Heaven and based on the 80s pop media.
And this girl's mom comes in, hears what we're playing and gets all MAD and UPSET. She says that if we play act something, it's because we want it to happen. So her daughter must WANT HER TO DIE.
First off lady, we were 6 year year olds, so take it down several notches. We barely had a concept of mortality for fucks sake. She made us feel so guilty and ashamed, because she was taking our game personally.
Now I have a 5 year old. And sometimes she looks at me and says "pretend you're dead, and I have to -" Whatever it is. Some adult task she's assigned herself.
And it's just so transparently obvious that she's practicing the idea of having to do things on her own. Which is exactly what 5 year olds are supposed to do. I actually find it very flattering that the only way she can envision me not being available to help her is to be literally deceased. Otherwise, obviously, she wouldn't have to do scary hard things alone.
It's a natural coping mechanism. She's self-soothing about what would happen if I wasn't there by play-acting independence in a perfectly safe environment. She's also practicing skills she needs, and making up excuses for practicing them on her own, without taking on the responsibility of being able to do them by herself all the time yet.
Humans mentally rehearse bad this in their brains all the time. We can do that by ruminating- going over worries over and over again, which tends to lead to anxiety and helplessness and depression. Or we can do it with a sense of play- by recognizing that the fiction is fiction and we can dip our toe into these experiences and expose ourselves to bad things without actually being injured.
My daughter does not want me dead. And I don't want bad things to happen in real life. But fiction and pretend help me face the horrors of the world and think about them without collapsing or messing myself up mentally.
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ouchhq · 6 months
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venting :-) sorry
#sh tw !!#i am so tired of my mother#last time i saw my therapist i talked about how she drives me insane but still i feel so guilty for getting mad at her because i know she#has issues and literally can not reason but i get so frustrated and exhausted#she took like 9 days off of work to ‘take care of me’ (her words) after my surgery and i didnt ask her to do one thing all these days excep#help me make food and come up with stuff for me to eat bc of my diet rn and thats all#she has been doing her thing all these days like literally just sleeping on the couch and going out with her friends and going shopping and#only made me food herself once (1) in over a week#and i didnt say anything bc i know i cant say anything to her if i dont want to get her to start screaming but today i couldnt take it#i was painting all morning because i am extremely stressed and anxious to make a fucking portfolio to find some work and idk what they thin#i do in my room all day probably sleep but i dont !! im up until 1:30 am working every day even now despite having just had my jaw cut into#pieces and stitched back together#and she went out to the post office for me for a second and then spent the rest of the morning shopping and came back at 12 and had the#audacity to get mad because i hadnt made any food for myself or for anyone else yet#when i literally called her just minutes before to ask her instructions on how to prepare a certain soup for myself and she told me to wait#because she was gonna do it instead#like ???????#and when i told her i had been busy working all morning and that the whole point of her being home from work was that she said she was gonn#make stuff for me she started screaming like an insane person that i was accusing her and it wasnt fair and i was mean and rude and that sh#does EVERYTHING for me and im ungrateful#and when i say my stomach sinks to the floor every time i hear her yelling#it is ingrained into my brain#i have nightmares about her tantrums and her yelling#im so tired#and it always ends with me getting the urge to hurt myself and i want to cry but i cant because my face hurts when i cry and i am not#allowed to blow my nose bc of my surgery so im just here. swallowing all of this once again
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raeathnos · 1 year
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#I fucking can’t#I am in a bad fucking place this morning lads#like really bad#mother thought it was appropriate to remind me well at least we’re not charging rent we could be charging you rent#which yes I’m grateful but that sounded like a fucking threat#I had a dream I went back to full time and that solved everything#but I do not want to do that#I’ve tried to kill myself four times in the past year because the jobs so goddamn stressful#I’m still depressed but it’s not as fucking bad as before now that I’m part time#but I’m not making enough and I feel guilty#my husband didn’t get the job last night and I feel like he’s mad at me#I’m trying to apply to places but like#I have an art degree which is fucking useless#nowhere wants to pay anything#meanwhile I’m stuck here and yes I don’t pay rent but I don’t have the best relationship with my parents#I couldn’t handle being screamed at at my job because my manager takes everything out on me#and I couldn’t handle coming home and either being yelled at by my mom or being forced to be her fucking therapist#and now my dad is retired/out of work/doesn’t know what he wants to do#and he’s taking out shit on me too#we’re a super dysfunctional family if you didn’t figure that out yet#so like get yelled at at work get yelled at at home either don’t sleep or have nightmares all night about getting yelled at#I’m going insane#and I feel like it’s all my fault cause I hit my fucking limit and#I actually quit originally did you know?#I got a text two days later where they asked me to come back so I did but I told them part time#my health had tanked because of the stress#it’s better now- it was all from the fucking stress#not that it’s ever been great#idk what to do#I don’t feel like there are any solutions
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court-of-starss · 4 months
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Comfort of Family
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Summary: Your cycle leaves you pining for your mate.
Warnings: Periods, a whole bunch of fluff, Rhys being the best older brother ever.
a/n: Honestly I just wanted an excuse to write Rhys as an older brother. Enjoy my migraine induced drabble!
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Feyre had never seen Rhys look as nervous as he did now, standing in front of the wooden door of his little sister. He was tense as he lifted his hand to knock, hesitating as he took in a nervous breath.
“I think you’re being a bit dramatic.” Feyre mumbled, raising a hand to gently rub his tense back, biting her lip to hide her amusement as he shot her an accusatory look over his shoulder.
“You don’t understand, she’s not my little star during her cycle” His voice trailed into a whisper, “she’s a chocolate hoarding dragon.” Feyre couldn’t hold back her laugh at his dramatics, so scared of his closest family member, his baby sister.
“I assume she’s going to be even worse as you’ve sent her mate off to gods know where.” Feyre giggled, hiding her smile behind her hand when Rhys narrowed his eyes at her and huffed. He took a deep breath before turning back around and finally raising his hand to gently knock on the door, turning the doorknob and entering at the soft ‘come in’ that emerged from the room.
The curtains were drawn, leaving the room in darkness hiding the mass under the heavy black sheets of the bed. Feyre rolled her eyes at Rhys’ hesitation to enter, giving him a gentle shove forward before closing the door behind him, leaving him to face his sister alone.
‘Traitor.’ He shot down the bond, his lips curving up slightly at her soft laugh that he felt through his chest. He cautiously approached the bed, eyebrows crunching together at the small sniffle that leaked from her. He felt guilt swarm him at her pain, her cycles much more painful than the ordinary fae.
“You better have chocolate Rhys.” You growled, your eyes peaking out from under the blankets to glare at your older brother who was now crouching down in front of you. He looked so much like your mother like this, his eyes soft as he examined the scrunch of your brows. He raised his hand, revealing a pouch from your favorite sweet shop in town. He grinned and set them on the night stand, next to your mates’ dagger, the one he always left by your side.
“Thank you.” You mumbled, cringing when another wave of pain travelled through you, your back and abdomen cramping painfully. Rhys frowned and gentle wiped the sweat from your brow, cupping your cheek softly as his talons slipped into your mind to ease some of the pain coursing through you.
“I’m still mad at you, for sending him away.” He sighed and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, making himself comfortable, ignoring your glare as he rested his head on your mates pillow.
“It was urgent and I assure you he will be back soon little star.” He had a teasing grin on his face as he bumped your foot with his. “Besides I’m sure he’ll give me enough of a beating when he gets home.” He snickered, he never turned down an opportunity to roll around the training mat with the shadowsinger.
A soft sniffle left you as you rested your temple on his shoulder, taking a few deep breaths. His scent easing your mind slightly, knowing you were safe with your best friend by your side. You could never truly be mad at your brother, a fact he knew and took advantage of often. While most compared him to your father, you always saw your mother in him. In his gentle eyes, in his caring actions, in his selfless actions, in his court.
“I miss him.” You mumbled, tears dripping down your cheeks as Rhys rested his cheek against your hair, humming softly.
“What can I do?” He asked gently, his heart aching at your pain and tears. A sight that he couldn’t stand.
“I just want Azriel.” You sniffled, wiping your cheek on his shirt, not even feeling guilty at the damp spot on his shirt. He sighed and sat up, pulling your head onto his lap as he ran his fingers through your hair soothingly. Humming softly as your eyelids started to droop.
“He’ll be home soon I promise little star.” Rhys said softly, his words sending you into a blissful sleep full of shadows and gleaming hazel eyes full of love and laughter.
-
You grumbled when you felt something caressing your cheek, a soft cool touch that drew you from the sweet dream you were having of your other half. You peeled your eyes open, blinking a few times to clear the fog of sleep. Your gaze snapped to a soft hazel gaze, kneeling next to the bed with a gentle smile was your mate. Your Azriel.
Your lip wobbled as you processed that he was here, your hand lifting from the blankets to hold the back of his caressing your cheek.
“Hey baby.” He mumbled, his eyes tracking the fresh tears now gathering in your waterline.
“Az.” You whined, tugging his hand. He complied, sliding under the blankets and huffing a laugh when you immediately curled into his body, leg draping over his hips as his arm slid over your shoulders to tug you into chest. You buried your face into his neck, taking long breaths of his scent, the smell of home. His palm slid down until it pressed against your lower back, the spot he knew always gave you the worst pains.
“Never leave me again.” You mumbled into his throat, smiling when he made a noise of agreement, the sound rumbling down to his chest. His other hand lifting to stroke through your hair, his nose pressed into your temple taking deep breaths of his beloved mate.
It could have been hours, perhaps days that you spent in this position with him, your body finally fully relaxed. But alas the moment was ruined, by your traitorous stomach letting out a deep grumble of protest. Az let out a puffed laugh, pressing a soft kiss to your hair before sliding you up onto his chest and rising from the bed.
You grumbled unhappily at the loss of the soft sheets and buried your head in his neck as he carried you out into the dining room, full of your loud and nosy family. Nose scrunching at Rhys and Mor loudly arguing over whom had the better hair in the family, you scoffed softly knowing it was neither of them.
“Oh, Az what do I have to do to get you to carry me around like that?” Cassian drawled, waving you off when you raised your head to snarl at him. You glared at his cheeky smile, softening slightly when he winked at you.
“For the last time Cassian, you are not my type.” Azriel groaned in fake annoyance, his lips tipping up slightly. You giggled when Cas held his hand to his heart and groaned dramatically, his own mate rolling her eyes, shooting you a soft smile before turning back to her conversation with Feyre.
Your heart warmed at the picture of your family, all cozied up on the comfy couches in front of the roaring fireplace, laughter ringing through the room as each member of your family relaxed with each other. A sight you had thought wouldn’t ever happen again 50 years ago, the joy and care radiating from everyone in the room was enough to tip your lips up, your pain from your cycle almost completely forgotten as your mate tipped his back with a roaring laugh as his brother continued his teasing.
Your eyes met Rhys’ as he smiled at you, his arm wrapped around his mate as she laughed at something Nesta was explaining, probably an embarrassing fact about poor Cassian. You smiled back, your eyes filling with happy tears as you finally witnessed the love and happiness on his face, after a long life of suffering, the pair of you were finally happy.
I love you Rhys.
I love you too, little star.
Azriel carried you into the kitchen, setting you on the counter as he turned to rifle through the cupboards, he always made you food when you were on your cycle, knowing you loved his cooking.
You sent a pulse of love down the golden string attaching your souls together, smiling widely when he shot a cheeky wink over his shoulder at you.
With the laughter flowing into the room from your family, and the sound of Azriel humming softly to himself as he started cooking, you felt your body relax. You had faced darkness head on and you knew at this moment that you would face it again if it meant that this life was waiting for you at the end.
“What do you mean Helion is hotter than me?! That is bullshit!” Cassian exclaimed from the other room, causing a loud laugh to leave your lips as your mate turned to grin at you, his own laugh leaving him as his eyes twinkled.
Watching you giggle and turn to shout back at Cassian, Azriel knew he would face death itself to keep the glittering smile on your face for eternity.
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