#and i didnt say anything bc i know i cant say anything to her if i dont want to get her to start screaming but today i couldnt take it

[srcepiksla]

*plays strangers by ethel cain on loop*

[lemongogo]

me admitting that i dont hate ast*rion after all .

[aroacettorney]

dont mind me. im simply just putting together a ludgercasey angst collection.

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[misspickman]

transfem kon proposal could have been good if was good

[capaldiera]

i started reading this fucking out of character thick of it fanfic like a week ago bc even tho i could tell from first glance it was going to be ooc i was just curious and it sounded kind of funny slash tragic. (how are you tagging grief child death domestic violence attempted suicide on a ttoi fic hello?) and i dooo like complaining And for the most part if it weren't supposed to be about those guys it would just be pretty good so im not Regretting it? but i didn't realise how many stories were in the series and im probably 150k words in. and not much more than halfway through

[girlcrushau]

[snickerdoodlles]

having a lot of thoughts right now at 4am about chay being ruthless

there’s a specific animorphs quote i’m thinking of:

"People don't understand the word ruthless. They think it means 'mean.' It's not about being mean. It's about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. The line that goes from motive to means. Beginning to end. It's about seeing that bright, clear line and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you can see the solution. Not caring about anything else but the perfection of it." — Marco, The Reunion by K.A. Applegate 

specifically the bit: It's about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. 

now, i dont think chay from season 1 is ruthless. but i very much see him as having the makings of it. chay has a very simple and direct approach to things; he sees something he wants, so he pursues it (he asks his idol for lessons their first meeting, he doesn’t let kim skip out on tutor lessons, he confesses twice because he had a homework goal and then a personal goal, he wants the truth so he confronts kim that same day, etc). and we see this theme of ‘chay has a goal, chay pursues goal’ most often with kim because they specifically foil each other in this. kim has a grand speech about making sacrifices to achieve your goals, but he’s stagnant between the world he was borne into and cant fully leave because of his brothers, vs the soft bright world he wants to be in but cant because he comes bearing blood. this directly contrasts with chay, who pursues his goals fullheartedly and recklessly

now, chay's not ruthless. not...yet. but there’s also these little...hints of a ruthlessly practical mindset to him. the most standout point for me in this regard was episode 1 when porsche is worried about his uncle. he’s sent arthee away, but he’s still planning “how do i get uncle out of trouble, and how do i maximize it?”

but chay? chay’s straight up like “uncle’s problems aren’t ours, lets just runaway to go live your dream of owning a bar on the beach”

i love this scene between porsche and chay so much. not only is really heartwarming, but i think it rly solidifies who they are as characters right off the bat. porsche is a caretaker. he takes care of everyone around him, whether he has an obligation to or not. but chay is fully ready to just leave their uncle behind. uncle interferes with brother’s and mine’s future plans? then no uncle in future plans. chay doesn’t even seem to mourn nor care that his uncle, one of his two caretakers left, is just gone from his life after ep1. like...that’s a really cold assessment for a teenager to make about one of his two living family members (that he knows of)

for me, what holds chay back from tipping into any sort of ruthless so far is mostly his naivety. not innocence (chay is not innocent yes i am still fighting on this hill), but he has certain expectations of the world that don’t necessarily match what the world is. to me, this shows most clearly when he sees warning flags (”...how do you know i have a brother?”) but is fully willing to ignore them in favor of pursuing his original goal(s) instead of taking the warning flags into account. and since he doesn’t plan for them, when some of those flags grow into actual problems, they really trip him up in ways he’s not prepared to handle. but he doesn’t have that any more at the end of season 1

if we do get a second season, i would be v curious to see where chay’s character develops. im apparently the outlier lol, but i actually really love where kim and chay ended in s1. they were on a trajectory to crash in the middle and instead they missed and landed where the other started. kim, the kid running away from the things he’s always wanted, puts himself out there with zero expectation or surety that chay will reach back. chay lingers over the video, unsure if he wants to respond to it or block it, so he throws his phone away to deal with it another time. and it’d just be really interesting to see how these two characters would react following the same trajectory the other one originally did, but coming at it with a very different background/development. and for chay specifically, i would just rly love to see how his ep1 “lets just abandon uncle to the debtors and go live our dreams on a beach” hints might come back/come into play in a mafia world setting

[hella1975]

still thinking about the fact there's a girl in my main group of econ mates that i'll call C and i used to be really close with her in first year. like i spent a lot of time with her she drove me everywhere we met up outside of uni etc. except there was a boy in that main group too and the dynamic was basically that me and my other mate met first and THEN we started hanging out with C and this boy, so we each had our Person before forming one bigger group, if that makes sense? and i got on pretty well with the boy bc he happened to be bi so we instantly clicked over that and i could tell he latched onto me quite a bit bc there aren't really many other queer people in our circle and ESPECIALLY not at the start of uni. when i tell you C was so pissed off about the fact me and him got on better than her and him that our friendship STILL isn't as close now bc she couldn't get over me 'stealing' her cute little GBF accessory. and i didnt even do anything like i couldn't have given less of a shit who this lad hung out with. and she WONDERS why he picked the bi girl over her weird ass

[munch-mumbles]

ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on

[semercury]

More evidence added in support of the "I'm always right" hypothesis. Unfortunately I was right about the outcome I didn't want to happen... But I was right...

[mechawolfie]

someone took ONE of my cookies.

[avocado-frog]

how am i supposed to live laugh love under these conditions

tldr for tags my mom found an old journal of mine and read through it so i accidentally outed myself to her lols

[toytulini]

If you get the urge to say shit on this post, consider: dont. not looking to engage in a dialogue about this, i will block you

i know this isnt whats gonna happen but god id love to learn nothing about that new hp show. i dont want to hear shit. not even about how bad it is. tmi. dont curse me with that info. why do you know how bad it is. why are you telling me. go look up a weird bug on wikipedia. or dont. dont tell me about it. dont put it on my dash.

[ouchhq]

.

[thecherrygod]

thinking about hdb while holding my head in my hands and suffering

[daimaoryu]

see the thing about anime and anime-adjacent things is that i have given up on expecting them to do good on character designs on south/west/southwest asian characters