#and then that time ended up being a couple months shorter bc he moved early due to the pandemic.

[ikyw-t]

look it's just like........ yeah i guess you never know. but you know that the greatest films of all time were never made. and if you wanted me, you really should've showed. but we WERE something, don't you think so? and if my wishes came true, it would've been you. and it just... WOULD have been fun if you could've been the one. it WOULD have been sweet if it could've been me .

[dc41896]

Penny for Your Thoughts (2)

Pairing: QB!Chris EvansxBlack Reader

Summary🪄: You definitely didn’t expect your first date to be so hectic, yet so perfect

⚠️: None just fluff💕

The weekend of a home game always seemed to have the city in more of a buzz than normal. Everyone rushing from store to store trying to get everything they’d need for watch parties and tailgating. Streets holding more cars from those who followed the visiting team to physically show their support.

And if said game resulted in a win, the energy only intensified as those invested seemed to sport brighter smiles. It even made complete strangers high-five after raving how no team could do it better. That was the current state surrounding you now after Boston College’s 24-12 comeback victory.

Since entering the dimly lit restaurant, all eyes were stuck to the two of you. Well mostly Chris, but you also received glances from those nosy enough to wonder who you were to him, and the occasional eye roll from the girls wishing they were the ones being led by his large hand to the table. He warned you ahead of time that this would probably happen and apologized in advance, but you understood it just came with the territory.

His eyes lift from scanning his menu to watch you studying yours as you toyed with the gold banded ring on your index finger. You already made his chest warm just from the slightest glimpse of you, but your face illuminated by the small lamp on the table had a soft smile spreading across his lips feeling as if you were the only two in the room.

“See anything you like?,” he asked, solid body leaning forward as his hands nervously rubbed together under the table and it’s pristine, white table cloth.

“Everything sounds so good, but I think I’ll just stick with a salad or something.”

“You sure? Get anything you want, it’s my treat. Plus I still owe you a celebration for acing your exam.”

Your face brightens at the reference to the conversation you had last month. That’s when your date was supposed to happen originally, but with you being so stressed about passing, you both agreed that it’d probably be best to try again later.

“We’ll go the next time we’re both free. That way we can celebrate.”

“Celebrate what exactly?,” you giggled, phone pressed against your ear as you scribbled more notes at your desk.

“You passing, duh.”

“Thanks for the confidence, but let’s not call it so early.”

Sure enough, he predicted right.

“You remembered,” you smiled.

“Of course I did, why would I forget?,” he asks. Fingertips finding your knee to graze against your soft skin making your cheeks warm.

“Well in that case, I’ll have the lobster, steak, and I’ll go ahead and put in my dessert order,” you joke flashing your most innocent smile.

“It’s up to you cutie.” You both laugh, but yours is a bit shorter lived at the reveal of his apparent nickname for you. From the way he carried on as if nothing happened, briefly checking his vibrating phone, you didn’t know if it was an accidental slip of the tongue or him being comfortable enough to say it in front of you.

Either way, your heart fluttered at the sentiment and how it sounded off his tongue.

“Excuse me,” a thick, Boston accent interrupts slightly startling both of you. “I hate to cut in, but I just wanted to say that game was incredible!”

“Oh um thanks man,” he politely smiles.

“I’ve been watching since I was a boy, and I can truly say you got something special kid. Like with that trick play to put us in the lead?! Phenomenal! No way you’re not going in the first round. Speaking of, you got any teams in mind? I know you gotta be eyeing the Pats!”

“I uh really appreciate the kind words, but I’m kinda in the middle of something,” Chris replies motioning between the both of you with his finger. From the look in his eyes, hoping that the middle aged man would get the hint.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he replies holding up his hands as he takes a step back. “You kids have a good time, and you keep throwing those touchdowns.” With a final wave and pat of his shoulder, Chris waits until the fan is definitely gone before apologizing to you with sympathetic eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize, it’s okay. They’re excited to see you.”

“This is our time though, and I want all my focus going to you.”

“Aww, that’s very-,”

“Hi! Sorry, but you’re the quarterback for BC right?!,” the excited lady asks holding the hand of her small son probably around eight or nine. Before answering, he looks to you seemingly asking you for permission, and although you knew he’d respectfully turn them away explaining how he’d be sure to find them later if you gave the right signal, you didn’t want to be the one getting in the way of him and his fans. Especially when they were little kids.

Gently nodding your head with a small smile, he quickly mouths “sorry” before turning his attention back to the mom and son, giving the awestruck boy a high five at his mentioning of how he has Chris’ jersey at home. At the mother’s asking, you took pictures of the three of them before she was heading back to the table with the little boy still smiling like the Cheshire Cat looking down at his favorite college quarterback’s autograph and small personalized message on the napkin in his hands.

“Now, where were we?,” he asks settling back in his seat, taking a drink from his glass of water. You don’t get the chance to answer, hearing a pair of heels clacking against the tile floor coming closer to your table. The head of red hair with perfect beach waves cascading down to her shoulders has a satisfied smirk on her pink, glossed lips as she finally reaches the two of you, more so focused on Chris.

“Well isn’t this a sight for sore eyes. Then again I probably shouldn’t be surprised seeing you here at our place.”

Actually, it wasn’t. They only came there once and she was solely preoccupied with making sure all her followers knew she was being spoiled at a fancy restaurant while they weren’t. Chris didn’t even remember getting a word in that night, having to listen to her boast about all the people who would be jealous of her if they already weren’t.

Finally setting her crystalline, blue eyes on you, you see right through the sweet facade as she sticks out her hand. Almond shaped nails freshly manicured a sparkly light blue color. “Where are my manners, I’m Kelly. I’m sure you’ve heard about me before.”

“Not really, no,” you answer shaking her hand and making her smirk falter. “That’s a pretty dress though.”

“Thanks,” she dryly replies pulling her hand back to her side.

“Babe, our table’s ready.”

A man built similar to Chris and around your age with black hair and hazel eyes lightly grazes her arm to get her attention, clearly not wanting to completely be shown to the table as he stayed behind her. You didn’t have to be a genius to figure out he was the guy she cheated with and was too guilty to face his teammate.

Well, soon to be former from the rumblings at the game of those who were in the know with the dealings of the players.

“You two enjoy your dinner,” Chris speaks finding your hand across the table and enclosing it with his warm one. This simple movement nearly had Kelly combust seeing him moved on with someone else, while you began to wonder even more about his true intentions.

“Yea, y-you too,” the unnamed man quickly replies pulling his speechless date with him, who had yet to look away from you until he physically turned her around.

“Hey why don’t we get out of here? It’s hard to have you to myself with everyone interrupting,” Chris suggests with a gentle smile.

“Um yea, sure. Lead the way.”

———

15 or 20 minutes of driving around the city, and you ended up on campus in the more secluded part of the grounds. Then again, with it being Saturday night every part was pretty much secluded now.

The gazebo brightly adorned with bulb fairy lights hanging from the ceiling and around the pillars was a popular spot for graduation and wedding photos, as well as other couples looking for a calmer space without having to go too far. And although a beautiful and romantic scene, Chris desperately wished he could’ve found someplace better to take you.

“You okay?,” he nervously asks settling on the blanket he placed on the wooden floorboards so your clothes wouldn’t pick up any dirt or dust. “If you want to go somewhere else, I can-,”

“No no, this is perfect,” you smile, but not fully convincing Chris from how minimal you talked on the ride over.

“You’re not just sparing my feelings are you?” His suspicious expression and tilted head has you giggling as you take a sip of your water, feeling a bit more relaxed.

“No I just…after seeing your ex I guess I started wondering….”

“About what?”

“…your intentions,” you reveal, more focused on bending your straw back and forth rather than meeting his eyes that were probably peering at you like you were crazy bringing up the ‘what are we?’ conversation so early. “And where you wanted this to go?”

“Well this definitely isn’t a rebound if that’s what you’re thinking,” he answers sipping from his lemonade. Yes, you were thinking that. Had been since you guys started talking in fact. Then with him grabbing your hand at the table in front of Kelly, you didn’t know if the action was sincere or you just being a pawn in the midst of their game of who could make the other more jealous.

“So you think you’re completely moved on from her? And ready to date again?”

“I’ll be honest, when we first met I was still hurt and sulking as you could tell,” he briefly chuckles, “but the more we talked and hung out, I got over it and wanted to move on with someone who made me happy. Someone like you.”

Feeling him slide closer placing his hand on top of yours, your entire body heats up as his stubbled face feels like it’s mere inches from yours.

“So to answer your question, yes I’m ready and if it’s okay with you, I want to see how far this goes.”

Your soft smile as you close the remaining gap connecting your peach flavored lips with his makes him grin against your mouth happily accepting your answer. “I’ll take that as a yes, but if it’s not this is the greatest rejection I’ve ever gotten,” he speaks between pecks and occasional lip bites.

“You’re such a dork.”

His palm cradles the side of your face, thumb carefully gliding against your cheek and noses gently bumping each other not caring if he had to breathe. He just wanted to stay pressed to you.

A bright light shining in his eye, though, momentarily interrupts your intimate moment nearly making him groan out in annoyance how tonight just wasn’t the night for privacy.

“Alright guys I know you’re probably just enjoying your date, but if you’re gonna do that you gotta go back to your roo- oh, hey champ!,” the bulky security guard greets finally turning off his handheld light. “Insane game tonight.”

“Thanks,” Chris sighs partially shielding you as he tried to discreetly wipe around his mouth for any traces of your lip balm.

“Well you two have a nice night, but remember no extra curriculars out in the open if you catch my drift.”

“Got it. Goodnight sir.” He sends the guard off with a small wave before you’re both laughing at the night you’ve had and your forehead falls to his shoulder.

“Next date, I’m taking you out the country.”

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[the-ghost-king]

time for me to share a good™️ headcanon: will and nico love to steal each other’s clothes but their massive size difference makes it so obvious that they’re doing it. nico’s shirts are almost croptops on will and will’s sweaters are practically a dress on nico bc will is like 6’2 and nico’s like 5’5

Anon! Anon! Yes, you. You get it.

I don’t really know what you wanted as a response to this but I felt inspired for the first time in some 10 months so I gifted you a one shot below the “read more”. I’ll also upload it to Ao3 with a link in the notes...

Anyhow Anon, I hope you enjoy it! I got a little off topic but reflective fluff is always good!

If you would have asked Will what he wanted out of life as a kid you probably would have gotten an answer that was something like “a chance to actually go and live life as it was meant to be” or maybe “to be happy, pretty, and stupid”. 

He didn’t dare to hope for more, demigods didn’t live long lives, and being involved in a major battle at thirteen didn’t do wonders in regards to establishing confidence in your survival. As for the “pretty and stupid” part of his answer, it wasn’t that Will had ever hated being smart, he just hated the disconnect different intelligence levels caused in peer groups and society; being smart was hard, sure for school purposes it was nice, but that intelligence means you’re constantly thinking and so often so much of the world seems so dull and petty. Will had been lucky enough to be blessed with decent looks, moving through the world was made easy in at least that regard, but he wished he could live without thinking so much because so often he could only see so much awful in the world. 

Thirteen year old Will wouldn’t have dared hope for anything more, he wouldn’t have dared hope for anything else more than a decade or so of normal life beyond camp and a chance at an easy life for those few years. When fourteen year old Will got a depression diagnosis he wouldn’t say he was surprised, he would have been annoyed but he hadn’t really felt much of anything in years. (”Atypical depression” The doctor had said, “likely clinical”)  A few different types of anti-depressants and a few months of therapy things started feeling okay, better at least. Fifteen came and went, he tried to go off the pills and didn’t quite get there, but his dose got lowered which Will supposed was nice. 

In the months of early 16, Nico di Angelo stumbles into his life; exhausted and melting under the pressure of the universe, he makes friends with death. It isn’t much, but Will remembers him from when they were kids back before any major fights. He remembers hearing about Nico running off and he felt bad for not having made a continued effort to get to know him. He felt bad when he left after the Battle of Manhattan too, they’d prepped bodies for their departure together and Will had gotten hung up in the infirmary (he had been one of the last Apollo campers and he was the only one with medical training). In some ways, Will supposed he was making up for those lost years when he didn’t have time to befriend Nico as he would have liked, it made him feel like he was at least trying.

In the beginning things were undeniably rocky, Nico was constantly hooked to machines just so Will could guarantee he wouldn’t die overnight. Even on Nico’s first night in the infirmary he had struggles with sleep, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and after trying a large variety of options Will had hauled Nico and all of his equipment out to the porch on the back of the infirmary and they slept there for those three days (which turned into two weeks), wrapped up in jackets and in a pile of blankets beneath camp’s fall skies.

Within a few months, they fell in love. 

Okay listen, people can call Will ridiculous all they want- but love at first sight is real and he experienced it. He didn’t know it but the day he met Nico and looked into the dark browns of his eyes, he thought something about how his eyes looked like ash from the fireplace at Mama’s house, or how they looked like the soil that his windowsill plants grew from. If you would have asked Will what he thought of Nico the very first time they’d met, he would have told you something about how his eyes were “big, dark, and round like a baby cow”. What Will really meant is that Nico reminded him of the family ranch house he grew up in, he meant he looked like home. 

At the time Will just hadn’t known that was what love felt like, but when he figured it out one day teaching Nico how to play Hold ‘em on the back porch of the infirmary with a light breeze and setting sun as they settles down for bed; he knew one thing, he didn’t want anything more than to make Nico happy and he hoped that he could be a part of that more than anything.

It took a little longer for Nico to come around, he had his own demons to battle. Internalized homophobia, even in small doses, is a real downer to say the least, let alone when you’re fighting demons you’ve manifested for some 15 years. The biggest struggle however, was probably in all honesty the fact that Nico was so goddamned oblivious. After spending years alone with limited human contact at best, and having spent so many years desperately wanting Percy to notice him, and being met with negative reactions, Nico didn’t know what love looked like anymore. How had he been supposed to know he was in love with Will?

There was a lot of subtle back and forth, would the other even be interested in a guy? It ended one day with an unplanned kiss followed by a declaration. Will called it the best mistake he ever made, neither of them really thought it was a mistake.

It was days like today that only proved that.

Will had woken up to Nico’s face on a pillow next to him. He’d fallen asleep with his hair pulled back in a ponytail, and some of his smaller hairs had fallen loose in the night and now framed his peaceful face. The first rays of golden sunlight fell through accidentally left open curtains, and Will reached out to brush a stray piece of dark hair and place it behind Nico’s ear. 

He woke up to a morning more beautiful than he would have ever hoped for at 13, and he would always be glad for that. He would always be grateful for how far he had come in not quite a decade. At just twenty-two he was 4 years into medical school, and three years married to Nico and he truly believed he was one of the happiest men in the world simply because he made Nico happy.

In time, Nico too would wake up. 

First with a huff, and then a grumbling noise of annoyance as he rubbed his face with his arm as though trying to block out light before half-asleep Nico seemed to accept his fate and wake up fully. 

“Good morning”

“How long have you been up?”

“Awhile”

Nico made a knowledgeable humming sound, perhaps he was just acknowledging Will’s response or perhaps he was saying ‘of course’. 

A few kisses, a short conversation, and a couple of “I love you”’s later, they got out of bed.

Nico's was wearing Will's high school hoodie that was a bit too short on Will anymore like it was a dress on him. The hoodie went down to Nico’s knees, he's got his own black shorts on because Will's just fall off unless he ties them really really tight. He's got black socks pulled up almost to his knees, there’s a little gap between the end of Nico’s shorts and the start of his socks. The hoodie goes down an inch or two past his short pockets, and he goes outside to grab the mail with a pair of unlaced combat boots on his feet. He's got his skull ring on his middle finger of his right hand, and his left hand holds a simple wedding band which glint in the light as he opens the front door. His hair is pulled up into a messy ponytail, some of it is up some of it is down, there's tons of flyaway hairs which frame his face since he hasn’t fixed it sense getting out of bed.

Call it a cliché, but Nico looks like Heaven personified without even trying. 

Sure, everyone looks nice in a suit or a dress, but how many people can roll out of bed without doing their hair wearing a decade old hoodie and look like they belong in a magazine spread?

Will is wearing one of Nico's looser shirts, on Nico it comes down past his hips and a little onto his thighs, on Will is he so much as lifts his arms a centimeter it reveals his hip bones. He doesn’t really mind, he kind of likes it to be entirely honest. Will can remember being just a few inches shorter than he is now and fitting fairly comfortably in Nico’s clothes at the time, they had never worried whose clothes they grabbed back then. Nico had finished his growth spirt and Will had thought he was done only two inches taller, it didn’t matter whose clothes were whose because everything fit well enough.

That wasn't quite the case now, Nico had stayed at his casual 5"5 while Will had shot up and extra six inches to 6"2 and ruined his own chances of sharing clothes. Such as right now he was sure he was wearing his own sweats, because he had specifically had to get a pair last night despite Nico's having been more accessible. Anytime he's actually managed to get a pair of Nico's pants comfortably on in the last few years, result in him wearing pants that are more like compression shorts or capris than pants.

Will was just happy he could wear some of Nico's larger shirts and hoodies still, the fact that Nico preferred to sleep in lots of clothes and typically baggy clothes meant Will had some options when it came to wearing his husbands stuff.

Will has also managed to steal a pair of Nico's socks, they're a taller pair on Nico (he buys winter wear so often because he's cold always) but on Will they gather a little awkwardly around his ankle. Will doesn't usually wear socks but they had gone to bed without the heat on and apparently the cold had set in over night and you could definitely feel it on their apartment floors.

The clothes would be a bit stretched out from him, it was something Will can remember being worried about after his second growth spurt, but Nico doesn't mind, He's assured Will of this time and time again, he says something about "aesthetic" and "alternative". Will doesn't really know, he's never cared much for fashion but he'll take Nico's word on it. 

The truth, although it's something Nico would only admit in their bed late at night when it was so dark you could barely see his face, and arguably a little drunk as well, was that he actually enjoyed the way the clothes fit better after Will wore them. He found some sort of comfort in the way the shoulders of his shirts would be just a little too wide on him, it was one of those small acts of love, it wasn't one Will entirely understood but both of them got their own sort of enjoyment out of Will stretching out Nico's sleeping clothes some so they went with it.

Will turns his attention from Nico walking out the door to the coffee pot on the countertop.

Will doesn't like coffee much, he likes the social aspect of getting a cup more. Nico had introduced him to it, he’d been drinking it for years by the time they’d left camp. It reminded him of home and he grew to like it for such reasons, and although Nico would consume just about anything with enough caffeine in it Will needed creamer to enjoy coffee to any amount. 

They were both honestly probably more tea people, but they never seemed to remember to buy any. Will will try to remember to write it down on the grocery list later, but Nico has walked back into the kitchen, climbed up on the counter next to Will and now he is looking at him; and Nico is always a distraction that's worthy of taking, Will will definitely forget to write down tea for their grocery list and the week will start over with more coffee in the house and no tea.

Nico’s fingers grip the countertop and he swings his legs a little bit back and forth from where he sits on the black granite, his white gold rings set against the counter in contrast. Will's worn out blue hoodie looks grey with age, the little printed letters are cracked and peeling on the back of it, his last name can still be read in white though. 

Will knows the cliché about your lover wearing your name is often unhealthy and overly possessive, but he likes seeing Nico with his name because it feels like a gift. It’s like he’s given Nico a part of himself and Nico accepted it with pride, and Will loves that, he loves him and Nico being little pieces of each other.

Nico is smiling at him, and leans just so, Will turns in acknowledgment of the gesture, and moves so he’s standing to the left of Nico. Nico crosses his legs at the ankle and leans towards Will laying his head against Will where his neck and shoulder meet. Will leans forward and buries his face into Nico’s hair, comfortable and a little sleepy still.

"Coffee?"

"Mhmm."

"Good."

Will isn't the best cook, for fucks sake he's not even someone who could be considered a good cook, but he can handle this. Nico taught him the basics when they were still living at camp, Will failed every time, he ended up going home for a short period for Christmas break and begging his mom "teach me how to make eggs" he left off the bit about impressing Nico but he knows she knew. When he came back Nico had just smiled at him, "you practiced huh?"

Will hadn't gotten better at making much else, some eggs, toast, coffee and he could boil water now too! He had burnt lots of stuff over the years, plastic containers in the microwave, a plastic ladle they had on the stove top, at least 100 failed attempts at grilled cheese. Will was honestly just happy he hadn’t blown up any microwaves since he was a kid... 

Nico had come home to many of Will's failed attempts at making him various things, sometimes the food was underdone other times it was bits of inedible char. Will did try, he really did, but the heat was always too high or he would end up distracted, or he would use sugar on accident instead of salt. Will did actually try, but his best attempts still often left something to be desired, so he often was the one doing dishes.

Most notably one time Nico had come home to him attempting to pan-frying some fish.

It had been supposed to be a surprise, it was Nico's birthday, and Will had had the day off of class even though Nico hadn't. He figured he would have surprised him; it had been back in their first apartment, not quite as nice as this one. A cheap tiled cream counter top that Nico had literally cringed at when seeing it the first time, the cabinets had somehow been cheaper than a set from IKEA and it had become an inside joke to them.

He had walked in the apartment to see smoke coming off the pan with a bit of flame still coming off it, and a large piece of charred fish stuck to the bottom of one of their frying pans.

"Hey dumbass, what did you do in here?" 

People thought they were an odd couple, Will could see that. The whole parallel people drew between light and dark and optimism and pessimism and such between them, none of those people were really correct though. Will and Nico were more similar than they were different. At the end of the day it didn’t really matter what people said, Will liked Nico, he loved him in all honesty- he'd never heard the word "dumbass" said with so much affection.

Nico was hard for most people to read, years along had left him struggling emotionally in some manner; he did his best to hide most of his emotions, cloak them so heavily that sometimes they were even unrecognizable to Nico himself. 

The most obvious example of this in regards to Nico was how "shut up" often meant "I love you", "idiot" was synonymous with "darling" in some ways. Don't get Will wrong, Nico could be very affectionate, but pet names came with hesitation for him in the early days; Should he use Venetian, Italian, or English? Masculine words that were romantic had been hard for him to say as well... But everyday he grew and got better, and Will was proud of him every time he called Will “dear” and didn’t hesitate before or after. 

Nico had started masking his emotions at some point during his time at Westover, whatever he had done there hadn’t been much more than how much the average person masked their feelings, but when he started training with Minos Nico had doubled down on keeping his emotions secretive. Minos hadn’t been kind or safe in any sense of the word, emotions were what he used to manipulate Nico all that time, it was no wonder Nico developed such a strong sense of apathy towards anything overtime. 

Nico could be affectionate, he could be the most loving person to ever exist. Nico’s emotions were sort of like secrets, if you stayed awake late enough into the night you would only come to know him then, such was the nature of him. He often whispered so quietly his wants and needs into the dark, there was some sense of fear tied to Nico’s vulnerability and he handed off his worries each night to the stars soft glow. Nico often refused to talk openly during the day, but at night apologies and truth always came, he had known what he had wanted earlier he had simply been to afraid of the rejection to acknowledge it, Will is glad that with the years the worst of such things is over; it is unlikely to be something Nico will ever fully grow out of, such is the nature of humanity, but progress is a virtue.

Such times not only resulted in Nico’s acknowledgement of his wants and faults, but also garnered the most affection from Nico. Nico couldn’t always communicate in an effective manner verbally, which was still a process they were working on, but he did his best. Nico’s act of love was like that of a small bird, he gave you small things that seemed insignificant until you realized he had only ever told you such things. Will fell in love with him for it, it wasn’t just about the way he would describe the wallpaper in his childhood bedroom, it was the fact that nobody knew anything else about Nico’s childhood bedroom. 

Will had never truly understood the concept of “touch starved” until he met Nico, he had known the definition sure, but he had never truly witnessed it. Nico never asked for touch, but it was the way he leaned into it, the way he sought it out; pressing up against Will’s hand like a cat stretching trying to get a little more contact somehow, trying to make the touch last just a bit longer so he could savor it properly. It was literally starving in some manner, starving for contact that wasn’t a goodbye or a hit, just for wordless contact. When he grew comfortable he gave affection fully, there was a joy in holding Nico’s hand, knowing that he felt safe enough not to worry about the effect a few extra seconds of prepping for a fight that holding hands would add.

Nico didn’t show affection in big ways, and that was more than okay with Will; they were laid back in comparison to most, he’d have sought the comfort of placing soap bubbles on each others head in the tub a hundred times over a night on the town. Nico’s affection was something quiet and almost secretive, unknown to anyone it wasn’t directed at; it was the way he would lead Will out of a room to kiss him, or the quiet way he whispered “I love you” into Will’s ear when in public.  

Will supposes in the early days “shut up” became “I love you” in order to avoid being seen as weak in some manner, in order to avoid acknowledging what he really wanted to say and having Will not respond in kind. Will didn't mind, they weren't an overly affectionate pairing- banter was common, almost everything they did was turned into some sort of game, the term "boys will be boys" definitely applied to their relationship of 3am pillow fights, late night discussions about what order the Christmas ornaments had to go up on the tree in, and whenever they wrote thesis papers for living room debates over the best Disney villain.

Will honestly preferred it that way, he preferred having the little moments reserved for solely them. He preferred the aversion to sappy clichés, the way a lover could say your name with exasperation and a smile that meant the whole world. He had seen what some other couples had, quick kisses in lines at cafes, holding hands across the table, and calling each other pet names they’d made up that were somehow ten times worse than the original- and Will didn’t want that. 

It wasn’t that what those couples had wasn’t love, it just wasn’t love in a way Will could understand, it wasn’t love Will felt from those sort of exchanges. He didn’t understand the idea of “butterflies in your stomach”, love wasn’t nerves, love was like coming home after a long day, love was the way someone could say your name like it was divine, love was the way someone would smirk at you when you were missing the point, love was not being afraid to cry in front of them,  it was knowing you could show up to them with any problem and instead of leaving you they would research the ins and outs of it in all their entirety. 

The coffee maker makes a sound, Nico lifts his head of off Will’s body and the deep browns of his eyes are like the freshly turned dirt of fields in planting season, and Will feels like there’s a garden growing in his chest that Nico feeds. Nico sits straight on the counter and pulls his legs up and sits cross legged on the counter as he pulls out his hairband, and runs his fingers through his hair before pulling it back up without all the flyaways. 

Will moves towards the coffee machine, pours it into two cups, and sets one on the counter beside Nico before making his way to the fridge to grab creamer. Nico’s watching him right now, but there’s no need for talking; there will be talking in a minute. Talking about Will’s schedule for the week, talk of whatever project Nico is working on right now, talk of what they should do for dinner the rest of the week, little sweet nothings, and eventually they’ll make their way to the couch to watch some tv and maybe later in the day they’ll play some sort of game or something as well.

So yeah, maybe "light" and "dark" were polar opposites and some people would have walked out on the word dumbass rather than immediately loving it, but Will liked it- everyday was a game of sorts, a new adventure, all with Nico who he loved. Coming home from work wasn’t necessarily about the place Will lived but knowing Nico would be there for him to see was the point  of going home, home was wherever Nico was and some small part of Will hoped eternity was real in some manner.

Will remembered when Michael had died thinking nothing could possibly get worse, and in some ways he was kind of right; he had ended up with some sort of demigod style fairy tale ending with the man he loved, and that was ten times better than anything fifteen year old Will would have hoped for.

[tiffgeorgina]

What are your headcanons and/or feelings about Blair and Harris?

Ahhh first of all thank you for your patience anon! I’ve had a wild (and unfortunately pretty uninspired) couple of weeks but now i have a ton of ideas so here they are. btw these are super unorganized and non-time-centric and pretty much plotless and random lmao anyways let’s get into it:

-harris is a by-default, die-hard back sleeper. sure, he’ll spoon and cuddle, but he won’t fall asleep like that. he’ll just lie awake all night if he’s anywhere but on his back. blair’s also kinda weirded out by being the little spoon just bc he isn’t used to it. he’s been sleeping next to a woman half a foot shorter than him all his life so it’s basically weird all around. harris will roll over like thirty minutes into the night (when he thinks blair is asleep) and they’ll both get comfortable from there.

-blair’s a really tactile person though and he likes knowing that the person next to him in bed is still there if that makes sense? plus hes always waking up freezing so he likes to be close to harris. one night kinda early in their monogamous-ish relationship he wakes up at like 3 in the morning and decides to just. crawl on top of harris. harris is obvs on his back, and blair just hitches his outside leg over harris’s hips, rests his head on his chest, and sort of lies mostly on his stomach and practically on top of harris. he sleeps like the dead for the rest of the night. 

-harris wakes up and he’s like “well fuck i cant move now” not that he wants to and it’s a saturday morning anyways so he just cards his fingers through blair’s hair and harris thinks he could get used to this

-they both tend to leave their wedding rings on when they’re together because once they both lost them and they only had 15 mins until harris needed to meet corky and it was a huge disaster. blair loves to spin harris’s around his finger since he’s almost always holding his hand in some capacity anyways, and harris loves to just stare at blair’s bc godDAMN if that isn’t the most beautiful piece of jewelry he’s ever seen. first, it symbolizes a pretty excellent arrangement between blair and tiff that makes it possible for harris to even be with him. second, it’s set with the biggest stone he’s ever seen. it’s a 12 carat emerald cut emerald and it’s gorgeous in the light ok im done talking about blair’s wedding ring lmao

-once corky walks in on them in the harris house and they’re obv shaken as hell, but she doesn’t even care. she’s like “oh hey guys” and just walks to the kitchen. obviously they’re like “uh what the hell” so they go ask her what her nonchalance is all about and she’s just like “i know. ive known for months. kissing at the country club? subtle” but she’s obviously just teasing and harris is just like “you aren’t pissed?” and she’s like “should i be?” and blair comes out of his shock for a minute to be like “uh yeah kinda?” and harris just elbows him like “why are you looking a gift horse in the mouth” and she’s like “yeah, i don’t think i really care. huh. i don’t really care” and no offense but it’s kind of the best day of harris’s life

-harris has a lot of traumatic memories from conversion therapy (showtime you’re wild asf for writing this in fuk u) and blair’s really good at calming him down if harris is panicking. blair’s been through his fair share of traumatic shit as we all know and tiff made him start going to a therapist, so he knows a bunch of techniques to prevent/stop panic attacks. harris is actually shocked at how quickly blair can calm him down. he’s curious too as to how he knew how to do that, but he figures it’s a question for another day

-that day comes a couple weeks later when they’re lying in bed, blair in what is now his standard sleeping position: outside leg over harris’s waist and his head on harris’s chest, practically draped over harris. harris can’t sleep, so he’s just staring at blair and running his hands over his back when he notices how rough his skin feels. he can’t really see, but he remembers to check in the morning before blair wakes up, and he notices--really notices for the first time--that his back and arms are littered with scars. he asks him the next day at breakfast, and he’s never seen blair freeze up like that. he explains his whole past with his dad (slowly and not without crying) and above all harris is just really glad that he could help blair and that blair trusts him enough to tell him

-MOMENTARY NSFW: this is kind of already canon from 2x02 but blair likes having his hair pulled ok goodbye

-they seem like the type of couple that would be together for years? like YEARS. they come out in like 2010 and get married in 2011 after having divorced tiff and corky in like the mid-90s no i do not take constructive criticism

-again, they’re in bed, standard sleeping position. harris can generally tell when blair’s fallen asleep; he can feel and see when his breathing evens out. he’s running his hands over blair’s back, just watching him, and he just looks so serene and peaceful that he can’t help but whisper “i love you” for the first time. of course this has to be the ONE time harris misjudges blair’s sleep and blair looks up. thankfully blair smiles, kisses him, and says “i love you too” 

-harris’s gay and out friends hear that harris is going steady with this guy he met, and they’re nothing short of shocked. roger harris? monogamous? that’s absurd. so they meet this guy (blair duh dkjfhglkfdjh), and they’re surprised to actually recognize him from all those tabloids and TV spots and shit. (secretly, they had always had the suspicion that blair was gay, but the confirmation is nice). he’s actually pretty likable, and they’re about to feel bad for him (because they know harris is the human manifestation of the word “infidelity”) until they see how they act together. like, harris seems really genuinely into him. his friends have never seen him like this, all lovestruck and shit. his friends are somehow even more shocked and genuinely cannot believe their eyes. they talk to him about his relationship with blair later and he’s like “what can i say? i genuinely like him. i really, really like him” and they’re shocked speechless

-blair is a TOTAL baby gay and harris thinks it’s equal parts adorable and hilarious. harris didn’t realize blair hadn’t been with other men before he blurted it out at the country club, but it makes so much sense that harris is almost embarrassed he didn’t realize it sooner. harris will use any sort of gay slang and blair will just be utterly lost. blair is always super eager to learn though and harris ofc thinks it's adorable how excited he gets to learn and fit in so he’s happy to indulge him. blair’s kinda like a boomer trying to use gen z slang for a while but he eventually gets the hang of it, and sooner than later blair can take off his wedding ring and pass for an out-and-proud gay man to anybody who looks in his direction 

whew i think that’s all ive got in me for rn. these ended up being super harris-centric but irdc dfjhgdfk. again thank you for your patience and thank you for sending this in anon!! def feel free to ask me anything/demand i write anything about anything black monday lol i hope yall liked these!

[sweetcatastrophex]

okay it’s time to record my thoughts. lately i’ve been feeling, not myself? idk i’ve been irritable and short with jake, giving him attitude, and he’s rightly upset and i think i’m projecting my worries onto him. it wouldn’t be the first time i’ve projected my anxiety.  this monday was the deadline for the biggest issue of the year and i was in production until 1:50 a.m. (my work day began at around 8:30 a.m.) i’m so relieved to be done with it, as well as the annual guide. between that and election coverage i’ve been feeling stressed (as i do around this time every year bc of election coverage. remember a couple years ago when i had to see a few doctors and have tests done bc i was feeling lightheaded all the time and having panic attacks? lol yeah). and a few nights ago i had a work-related stress dream. maybe i’m feeling burnt out? what else is new. but maybe i’m feeling burnt out bc i’ve taken zero days off this year bc of the pandemic and bc my company restricted our PTO days and i couldn’t attend my annual festival/camping trip bc it was canceled. i always looked forward to that trip not only bc it’s fun and exciting, but bc it was an opportunity for me to unplug / take a break from work and regular life and be immersed in nature and creativity and fun activities, all without worrying about work or my social life bc i have no phone service out there. i loved going off the grid for a few days, experiencing new things and meeting new, interesting people.  but that’s just it — i’ve been feeling like my creativity has been quashed. it’s funny, or ironic, bc you’d think now that we’re stuck home all the time i’d have time to pursue certain creative projects i’ve pushed to the side for so long, but no. by the time i’m finished with work i’m drained and exhausted and end up eating dinner and falling asleep with jake. i haven’t even had a sex drive...these past couple of months i’ve experienced the longest period of time i’ve ever gone without sex lol. wtf. i hate how my anxiety and worries manifest in my body physically. with that being said, i’m extremely grateful for my yoga practice and meditation (s/o calm app for being my meditation coach) bc it makes it manageable. without it i think i’d be lost, hopeless; a mess. i’ve been writing down things that i’d like to do or try in an effort, somewhat, to manifest them. things like cutting my hair even shorter and dying the ends blue, getting a tattoo on my arm, moving to florida, enrolling in yoga teacher training, trying hip hop dance classes, trying pole dancing, trying aerial yoga and lyra hooping... sometimes i feel like i’m gonna explode and spontaneously move and restart my life. i almost feel caught, trapped. i’m also experiencing discomfort each time i think about changing jobs. i’m concerned about the transition from journalism to PR — am i selling out? am i giving up my integrity? what if i don’t like the position and my duties? what if it doesn’t pay enough? it’s so expensive to live around here. i genuinely don’t understand how people afford it.  not to mention all that is going on in the world. the injustices i see every day are sickening and disturbing. this country has grown unrecognizable to me. when my generation was growing up we were told relentlessly how great america is and now we are watching all the dirty lies unfold before our eyes. i often wonder about Netflix’s role in the media, the way it has been exposing certain people and organizations. but that’s for another post. it’s all become so much. i get overwhelmed easily. and as an empath, i feel deeply for all of the people harmed and can’t help but cry a lot of the time. and lately jake has been putting on a docu-series about a man who manipulated women into joining a sex cult and who’s blackmailing them and it keeps reminding me of my abusive ex and triggering me. and he puts it on right before we fall asleep... which leads me to: i’ve been experiencing these weird jerks/twitches as i’m falling asleep which 1. isn’t new and 2. is normal. but still. i believe (and studies suggest) it stems from anxiety. it helps when i meditate before going to sleep but i usually meditate in the mornings.  i often watch youtube videos to learn tips about how to become more productive. i feel like i have this obsession with productivity — i tend to feel useless if i’m not productive. maybe that’s what brought me to work in public service / why i’m in the field of journalism. idk but i do practice self-compassion if i’m not productive. at least i think i do. i want to make some changes in my life. i want to bc i feel like i’m living the same day over and over again, always resulting in failure — i wake up somewhat late, slowly get into work, procrastinate, stop working, get high and play video games or go out for drinks, then go to sleep late bc i’m feeling like i could still tick some items off the to-do list or bc i’m self-sabotaging bc i didn’t get enough done. then i have trouble waking up early (i’m coming to terms with the fact that you gotta go to sleep early to wake up early). i’ve tried reducing the number of tasks on my lists... i think what i need to do is start waking up earlier. but for me that’s a big undertaking. i’ve always been a night owl — growing up i’d keep notebooks under my pillow for my late-night thoughts and poems — it’s when i’m most creative. but i just feel a shift. i’ve been reading and learning so much about people who are “morning people” and how they’re so productive, having accomplished so much before the clock even marked 10 a.m. so i want that. if i wake up earlier i’ll have more alone time (so! important!) to get things done. at least that’s what i’m telling myself.  which brings me to another point and then i think i’m done venting lol this was a much-needed journaling sesh (still got my ~physical paper~ daily journal and to-do list journal, in addition to my work notebook😂 and my new planner/organizer from youtuber muchelleb just came in! lol). alone time is so important to me. and i have had none of that lately lol bc i’ve been living with jake. and don’t get me wrong, i absolutely love living with jake and his dad and my fur babies morty and bailey (a long-haired chihuahua and a maltese, respectively). morty is the light of my life, my prince, my love. but i almost sense a loss of identity bc i haven’t been spending time in my room — my own space with my own belongings and decorations, etc. i also kind of miss seeing my family but don’t at the same time (i enjoy my mental health being stable). and also don’t miss my cluttered house that my parents refuse to clean and declutter. i can’t possibly think straight in a cluttered environment like that so i’ve been extra grateful for being able to stay with jake these past few months. idk how i would’ve been able to work and eat (somewhat) clean otherwise. so in conclusion, with the good comes the bad. it’s a balance. don’t they say you can’t have sunshine without a little rain? or something like that. there’s things i’m grateful for but there’s also things i recognize need changing. it’s time for action. i’m hoping i’ll feel back on track once i purchase and install a new bed frame with storage in my room. one positive that this “quarantine” time has brought is that jake and i have been overhauling my room — removing things, cleaning, rearranging. the energy is different. it’s time to finish the project, then maybe i’ll feel more apt to stay at my own house more often, once my own private space is ready for dwelling. i think some time apart would do me and jake some good. they also say distance makes the heart grow fonder. ;-) 

[thelastifntdragonrider]

HI! I’m putting all of the things i’ve been tagged in from the past couple of weeks that i haven’t answered yet bc i’m working hard on an admission portfolio for university and i really want to get into Sheridan, so yep lots of work and lots of art. i am also working on the HTTYD fandom reading (please sign up) and the next chapters of J’Imagine and No Cannon Shall Sink This Ship. Anyways, onto the tagged: 

get to know me meme: tagged by @animalsarepeople2​ thank youuuu! 

nicknames: Kei / Keiko *i explain this in a question down there somewhere 

Gender: Female 

Star Sign: Libra

MBTI Type: INFJ 

Height: 163cm 

Time: 17:07 (by the time I finished all of these it’s 18:36) 

Birthday: February 25 

Favourite Bands: Beatles, Young Rising Sons, Clean Bandits, Lovelyz, Infinite 

Favourite Solo Artists: Ailee, Ed Sheeran 

Song Stuck in My Head: 1cm by Lovelyz 

Last Movie Watched: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp

Last Show Watched: I just binge watched Stranger Things 

When I created my blog: July 15, 2013/June 27, 2017

What I post about: httyd, animated movies, animation

Last thing I Googled: information about Sheridan and character rotation 

Other blogs I have: my main blog @tokkeiko

Following: 100, though I want to find more good blogs, any recs anyone? 

Followers: in total from both blogs, 200 or something 

Favourite colour: Green 

Average hours of sleep: 8-ish 

Lucky number: 7

Instruments: piano, oboe 

What I’m wearing: jeans and my current favourite sweater which is grey with gold spots 

Number of blankets: I need to remember to find another one bc my room is freezing when I wake up in the morning

Dream Job: story artist at Disney 

Dream trip: i just want to get out of my city rn 

Favourite food: i’m just hungry rn, give me anything, but favourite food, among others, is salted caramel truffle blizzard from the good old DQ (#lovemydq) 

Music ask, tagged by @yv-sketches THANKS!!!! 

10 songs that you are listening to right now; 

my current favourite playlist is called Shut Up and Dance:

“Elle Me Dit” Mika 

“Red Balloon” Charli XCX 

“Dancing in the Dark” Rihanna 

“Shut Up and Dance” Walk the Moon

“Red and Gold” Young Rising Sons 

“Can’t Stop the Feeling” Justin Timberlake 

“Better When I’m Dancing” Meghan Trainor 

“I Bet My Life” Imagine Dragons 

“Into a Fantasy” Alexander Rybak 

“Get Back Up Again” Anna Kendrick

Tag Game, taggged by @thepurplewriter333 ty friend-o! 

Nicknames: Keiko/Kei/Spirit/Sweet Potato 

Gender: Female

Star Sign; Pisces 

Height: 163cm 

Sexuality: probably straight 

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff!!!

Favourite animals: uhhhh... orcas probably 

Average hours spent sleeping: 8 i think, i’m not bothering with math rn 

Dogs or cats: KITTY, all of my sibilings have a significant other and all of their significant others’ have cats and why can’t I have a s/o with a cat???

number of blankets sleeping: during the winter, aka now already, two 

Dream trip: geeeeetttt meeeee ouuuuttt offf thissss citttyyyyy

Dream job: Story artist at Disney 

when I made this account: June 27. 2017

why I made this account: bc i wanted a place to reblog all of the httyd stuff without loosing followers on my other blog 

# of followers: like 47, I think? I recently got more. follow me i am cool person 

92 statements, tagged by @thepurplewriter333 thanks for the double tag! 

Last: 

Drink: Tim Hortons’ Double Double (got to stay caffeinatedddddddd) 

 Phone Call: Home to get a ride home 

Text message: Friend to go hang out later

Song You Listened To: Shooting Star by Lovelyz

Time You Cried: uhhhhhhhh... oh, like a month ago, it was a bad week and then I watched Home and my emotions were already out of wack so I basically sobbed near the end 

Have you: 

Dated someone twice: Nope 

Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope, i’m boring

Been cheated on: nope 

Lost someone special: nope 

Been depressed: i feel like it’s hard to be a university student and not get depressed 

Gotten drunk and thrown up: i am a boring party person and yeah, no i haven’t 

List 3 favourite colours: 

Green

Blue 

Gold 

In the last year have you: 

made new friends: Yeahhhh

fallen out of love: nopppeee...?

Laughed until you cried: like every other day

Found someone was talking about you: in a good way; nope. In a bad way: yeah too many times

found out who your friends are: yeahhhhhh

kissed someone on your FB list: okay someday, i’ll have more interesting answers 

General: 

how many FB friends do you know IRL: 99% of them 

Do you have any pets: nope 

Do you want to change your name: i recently thought about dropping my middle name, but like it has significance to my parents so probably won’t happen and my middle name doesn’t do anything so idk 

what did you do for your last birthday: Keep in mind that I turned 18: my friends and I went to Build-A-Bear and they got me a Build-A-Bear Toothless. 

What time do you wake up: my alarms on early days are 7:00, 7:05, 7:15, 7:25, 7:35, 7:45, 8:00. I naturally wake up at 9-ish 

What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping :D 

Name something you can’t wait for: to (hopefully) get accepted into Sheridan and start a new adventure out there.

When was the last time you saw your mom: she’s in the kitchen with me 

what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish that I could’ve figured out what I wanted to do with life so that I could’ve started Sheridan this year 

What are you listening to right now: Sheridan portfolio reviews, tips, etc. (Starting to see a pattern here?) 

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: friend’s dad. he’s a cool dad. 

Something that is getting on your nerves: when people are packing up their stuff before the professor is finished talking in the last 5 minutes of class. URGH stop moving ppl this stuff is important 

Most visited website: FB, YT, tumblr 

Mole(s): couple

Mark(s): I have freckles (might be moles) on each cheek under both eyes. 

Childhood dream: when you’re a kid, you’re really only exposed to teacher, doctor, police man and whatever your parents are. I think I defaulted to an artist when adults asked. 

Hair colour: black, I have silver hairs though, they stick out on the black hair a lot 

long or short hair: I always grow my hair out and then cut off 12 inches to donate to cancer wigs  

Do you have a crush on someone: not currently, though i had a crush on a guy for like 5 years, so even now, 5 years later, I get happy when I think about him 

Piercings: no, i really think a conch piercing would be nice though 

Blood type: ... A I think, i’ve never gotten tested, but according to genetics, I should be an A 

Nicknames: my full name is Keiko, but everyone called me Kei as a kid, but during high school, I started introducing myself as Keiko, so some people call me Kei, some people call me Keiko, one of them is a nickname, depending on which way you think about it, 

Relationship Status: Egg salad. 

Zodiac: Pisces 

Pronouns: She/her

Favourite TV show: Friends 

Right or left handed: Right, but recently I’ve been trying to teach myself to draw with my left hand 

Surgery: Wisdom teeth 

Hair dyed a different colour: nope, but I think I might try a ombre some day 

Sports: ballet since I was 4ish, ballet is a sport, come fight me on it if you dare 

Vacation: a lot of camping when I was younger, I’ve been to Japan twice, and then places across Canada

Pair of trainers: are we talking about trainers as in shoes? bc then ankle high all black vans. 

More General: 

Eating: this is taking so long I stopped and had supper between these sections

Drinking: Double Double (Tim’s coffee, two creams, two sugars), gotta stay AWaaaaaaaaaaKE

I’m about to: draw character designs or go out to coffee shop to study with friends 

Want: to get into Sheridan so so so so so badly 

Get married: I’m still single, want to put my career first, so yep not for a little while 

Career: i’m a cake decorator rn, see my cakes on my insta @tanakeiart 

Hugs or Kisses: hUG mE

Lips or eyes: Eyes, (though I am supper bad at making eye contact) 

Shorter or taller: would be nice to be slightly taller... 

Older or younger: like to date or something? I think high school rule is a good rule, but rn looking at niners mAN they are tiny

Nice arms or stomach: arms to hug meeeeee

Sensitive or loud: i think I would need a loud person to compliment me 

Hook up or relationship: relationship bc you have a standing plus one to everything and rn being single I have to text like 5 friends to find someone to go with me to something 

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 

Have you ever: 

kissed a stranger: Nope 

Drank hard liquor: I only have like four months until my 19th so like i’ll go drinking then 

Lost Glasses/contact lenses: funny story: family and i were in Japan and we were at Kinkaku-ji and then i realize that one of my eyes have gone fuzzy, so thinking that there is something on the lens, i take my glasses off and my lens had fallen out of the frame. my family literally crawled around trying to find my lost lens, we did find it, but we couldn’t find a small screw that would hold the lens in. my dad fixed it with a twist tie.

turned someone down: nobody likes me so nobody has asked me so i have never turned someone down 

broken someone’s heart: no 

had your heart broken: yeah, by a friend. It is shATTERing 

been arrested: not even a parking ticket in my name 

cried when someone died: no, i am some kind of emotionless egg

fallen for a friend: my heart easily leaps and often trips falls and gets lost

Do you believe in:

yourself: yes, I believe that I can get in, I believe that I can be what I want to be. 

Miracles: I believe in karma more than miracles 

Love at first sight: yes, but not in the way that media portrays it 

Santa claus: nah 

Kiss on the first date: this is weirdly phrased. 

other: 

current best friend name: becky 

Eye colour: brown 

Favourite movie: the other day i was procrastinating and made an official list of favourite movies, which still has a lot of ties: 1/2: httyd 1/2, 3/4: moana, big hero 6, 5/6/7: wreck it ralph, tangled, rise of the guardians,  8/9/10: back to the future 1-3 

wow that took a lot of time, but thanks for tagging me! I’m tagging @thepurplewriter333 @yv-sketches and @animalsarepeople2 on the ones that you didn’t tag me in! also tagging @katlikespie @crazilexa and @fading-shadows for whichever one/s you want to do! 

[spnife]

91 question tag

Tagged by @vanillabeanniall​ and then @uswntinharmony​

More below the cut bc that’s how I roll

the last – 

1. drink: Arizona Tea

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my mom - she sent me two climbing videos. Or I sent them to me, from her phone

4. song i listened to: What a feeling, but I was asleep (i checked the music app just now), so the last song I remember hearing is Ray of Light by Madonna

5. time you cried: wednesday. First day of school was today so it was some stress

have you ever – 6. dated someone twice: yeah

7. been cheated on: yeah. I became friends with the guy though. Similar tastes I guess???  (( Actually I blocked him on snapchat last year bc he was talking some bs on his story but in eigth grade he wasn’t awful))  She lied abt it though and then talked to me two years later and still lied like okay

8. kissed someone and regretted it: no ragrets

9. lost someone special: not really

10. been depressed: fuck hell yep

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no. I had like a sip of beer on a trip but it was just to mess with a dude while he was in the porta potty

list 3 favorite colors – 12. light blue

13. orangish pink

14. dark purple

in the last year have you – 15. made new friends: heck yeah. I switched schools and found a really good group of people there already. It’s been alright

16. fallen out of love: not in the last year. gotta be in love first

17. laughed until you cried: probably but I don’t remember rn

18. found out someone was talking about you: I think? I found out parents were saying nice things about me. Mean wise maybe? I’m not really sure. Probably

19. met someone who changed you: at least one. a teacher last year

20. found out who your true friends were: i think? 

more –  21. kissed someone on your facebook? alas, i do not have a facebook

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? see 21

23. do you have any pets? A super sweet black lab named FeeBee, a kitten named Mulder and a cat named Milo, and a hedgehog named Wembly

24. do you want to change your name? i like my name. My last name bothers me sometimes bc dad stuff but it’s gotten better

25. what did you do on your last birthday? I had a chill day at school, got a nice car, got a card from all of the kids on the climbing team. One of them said “Wow Coach Ella, you only have two more years til you can drink,” like i’m sorry kid I’m only 16

26. what time did you wake up? 7. first day of school

27. what were you doing at midnight? crying and putting school stuff in my backpack and watching VEEP

28. name something you can’t wait for: to keep getting better at climbing, the Harry Styles concert on oct 11, my birthday on oct 13 bc it should be fun and I hope I’ll get another card from the climbing team bc they’re all lovely

29. when was the last time you saw your mother? today

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life? i want to know that I’ll be able to be happy

31. what are you listening to right now? watching Raising Hope

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom? yep

33. something that is getting on your nerves? I keep getting anxiety while I’m at climbing practice and that’s one of my most comfortable places. it feels like im going downhill with climbing even though I know im getting better

34. most visited site: netflix

school –  35. elementary: i loved my elementary school. every teacher i had was amazing, small school in austin and a good community and i still talk to my friends from there. so when i moved to the new school in fifth grade and depression was already showing up, the differences made it literally hell. it was awful. i didnt like my teachers and i didnt know people

36. middle: 6th grade was hell, 7th grade was even fuckin worse, 8th was still pretty bad. All the worst years of my life so far, and tbh it’s gonna be hard to top them

37. high: better than middle school but thats a really fucking low bar. like incredibly low.

38. college: planning for ACC for two years to get base courses, dream school UT in an engineering major. I love the school and the program there, but I worry if I could barely get through middle school, how tf am I supposed to survive college. Also it didn’t feel great when I was talking to a friend and I was like “yeah ut is tbh my dream school, if I can get in” and she was like “oh that’s one my last choice colleges” like fucking okay love you thanks for telling me that makes me feel real good about my intelligence and how you view me

me –  39. hair color: brown

40. long or short hair? shoulder length

41. do you have a crush on someone? yep. according to a friend i am “so gone for this girl” but um. oka y what if she doesn’t like me? I feel good around her though and she likes being around me and we work well together I think. She’s lovely and I wouldn’t want to make things weird by asking her out if I don’t know she feels that way too.

42. what do you like about yourself? I am able to figure things out and I work with kids really well. I’ve also been getting better at climbing again so I’m proud of myself for that

43. piercings? just my ears

44. blood type: lol yeah like i know?

45. nickname: ellallalala is something I’m getting from people at the new school, and I’ve had some climbing nicknames over the years but Coachella is sticking. I coach and my name is Ella it’s great

46. relationship status: nope

47. zodiac sign: libra

48. pronouns: she/her

49. favorite tv show(s): always sunny, parks and rec, my name is earl, curious george

50. tattoos: soon

51. right, ambidextrous, or left-handed? right

first –  52. surgery: i had one on my pelvis in 2013? i was in preschool and it was for this weird group of veins on the side of my leg. We’d always called it a birthmark and after the surgery the scar looked like a sunset over water but the sun is purple (still looks like that it’s rad) and the first time someone showed me a birthmark i was like??? Um no thats just a little dark bit of skin?? my birthmark is purple what is this shit

53. piercing: ears

54. sport: rock climbing. found it early and still love it

55. vacation: no idea

56. pair of trainers: first i remember are a PAIR OF DORA LIGHT UP SHOES

current –  57. eating: nothing

58. drinking: arizona tea

59. i’m about to: finish my arizona tea

60. listening to: the episode ended so me typing and the clock my great grandmother gave is

future –  61. waiting for: me to feel alright

62. want: to like what i’m doing and to know i’m able to be happy doing it. I wish I could just skip to being married with kids and a dog and everything.

63. married: oh for sure

64. career: astronaut has always been my dream career but with this level of anxiety it’s probably a no go. I am not over it. I’m def gonna cry abt it in a couple of minutes bc thats how it goes, ya know. The last astronaut I talked to though said “the biggest disqualifier is not applying” so i’m still going to try my hardest. I also love engineering and physics and space and science and education and would love to be a librarian, so we’ll see

your type – 
 65. hugs or kisses? depends

66. lips or eyes? eyes, i guess. There’s more character there

67. shorter or taller? in my head i’m always like oh taller but really it doesn’t matter. as long as i can be little spoon im good to go

68. older or younger? doesn’t matter

69. nice arms or nice stomach? tummies are cute i guess. 

70. sensitive or loud? i don’t know

71. hook-up or relationship? right now relationship and at some point relationship but ask me a couple months ago and it would have been different

72. troublemaker or hesitant? both. troublemaker with a lot of decisions but in fun ways, but hesitant when it comes to talking to new people that i want to be good friends with. and asking people out

73. kissed a stranger? yep. on a bet

74. drank hard liquor? had some jack daniels mixed with coffee and it tasted like cinnamon toast crunch

75. lost contact lenses/glasses? my glasses always turn up

76. turned someone down? yeah. accidentally on a few though lol. As i had a crush on someone i went out with for a little while last yeah legit three other people liked me and i guess im oblivious bc i had no fucking idea

77. sex on first date? depends

78. broken someone’s heart? i don’t think so

79. had your heart broken? yes but in a friendship way along with the relationship. it goes back to the you should kill yourself stuff

80. been arrested? nope

81. cried when someone died? no one i’ve known closely has died. My great-great grandmother died when i was fiveish but she was really old. There have been a few suicides at my old school (i switched 2 months before end of last year) and those hit hard, just knowing that there are so many people here dealing with that stuff and me relating to it. I didn’t know the people well but we’d spoken and I knew them some, but I had some friends who were much closer and really affected

82. fallen for a friend? yeah

do you believe in –  83. yourself? i try

84. miracles? shit happens, and sometimes it’s good

85. love at first sight? who am i to say tbh

86. santa claus? no

87. kiss on first date? if i like them

88. angels? no

other –  89. current best friend’s name: skip

90. eye color: hazel

91. favorite movie: i dont know im tired and want to cry sort of so maybe i shouldnt think about this stuff as much when im already stressed im going to go drink more tea and eat some soup

Anway

I’m tagging anyone who reads this far. gotcha

[0225pm]

it is currently 8:34am!!

just wanted to update on today’s events before i sleep.

so earlier this morning, i accompanied my mom to akmal’s madrasah graduation but rayhan managed to book out earlier than expected so he was able to come see the grad. but in the letter they said that they only allowed max of 2 people into the hall so i decided to just let my mom and rayhan go since tbh, i wasn’t wearing the proper attire to go in the masjid anyway. at first, i was kinda upset with my mom cus i didn’t see the point of me going if rayhan was going since only 2 people are allowed per child but then thinking of my mom going there on her own makes me worry a little since she’s rather frail so i decided to go with her and sent her to the masjid, waited for rayhan to come before making my way to bedok interchange.

it has been a rather long while since i’ve been to the interchange, or anyway really, on my own. i’m the kind of person that prefers having company than doing things alone. some may say that i lack independency but whatever it is, it’s always nice to have company. as i was walking around aimlessly in the mall, i thought of going to mcdonald’s to just lepak until my mom calls but it was too damn crowded and i missed the breakfast timing by a minute, so that was a bummer. but yeah, can you actually imagine me eating alone??? the last time i had to do that was back when i was working for YG at OG and taka, for my lunch break since i was working alone lol. but anyway, as i made my rounds at each levels, i finally decided to buy something to eat at old chang kee and then as i went back up the escalator, i thought of going to heartbeat but then again the thought of having to walk all the way there while i was socially sweating seems like a major no at that point so i decided not to and went to starbucks instead. alas, what a poor decision i’ve made. like literally, poor LOL cus i was $8.80 poorer after buying one of their christmas frappe lol and i didn’t even add whipped cream!! i should have said yes to whipped cream bc those are free unless you want extras, then you’ll have to pay. but anyway, the good thing is there was a lot of empty seats at starbucks which was quite weird considering that it’s a saturday but i was thankful cus it means that i didn’t have to stand awkwardly waiting for my mom to call.

so after i collected my drink, i sat down and i watched a couple episodes of chilling adventures of sabrina on netflix. luckily i downloaded a few so i managed to save on data haha but i didn’t think to bring my portable charger and my battery was getting pretty low after awhile. also i noticed that the person spelled my name as “hady” instead of “heidy” lol but wtvr doesn’t bother me. and then i think around 1+ almost 2, my mom called saying that they’re done with the ceremony and then asking me to go meet her and my cousins at this shop called new rezki and at first i was kinda lost and then well, my mom has this habit of like screeching her voice into the phone so it sounds like she’s shouting and/or raising her voice intensely like as though she’s mad and pissed at you but really, she’s not. i guess it’s a bad habit she picked up after countless “huh hello” whenever she called someone. but yeah, so i got a little bit upset cus the feeling’s not good when someone is raising their voice at you and i was wearing my earpiece for goodness sake so i kinda raised my voice a little too and then like i said, i was lost so she tried to direct me but LOL i ended up just googling and apparently it’s just right across the interchange, roughly about 4 mins walk as stated on map.

after seeing me, we all started ordering the food we wanted. akmal got fried noodles, rayhan had to watch what he eat cus he’s in NS and he’ll be punished if he gains weight instead of losing so he got a bowl of beef salad. my mom got bee hoon kuah and i got their mutton chop. it was ok but very oily for my taste so i don’t think i’ll ever buy that again unless i’m craving for it and if i’m nearby. it’s a dollar cheaper than the ones selling at thohirah though. oh and the shop is 24/7 too! i guess most, if not all, mamak eateries are 24/7. after we had our lunch, my mom bought some lauk back for my dad and for dinner and then we all headed back to the interchange. from there we split ways with my cousins cus they were taking the bus at the entrance of the mall, whereas we were taking the one at the interchange.

the moment i reached home, i quickly took a shower again and shampooed my hair cus i perspired earlier on and as i was changing i heard knocking on my window. i was so shook wtf cus i wasn’t expecting anyone but turns out it was farhan. like seriously what the heck.... LOL i was happy la but i was also very shock cus i thought he was gonna take the train but he actually took a grab all the way to my place instead. damn bobo la hahahaha and i wasn’t even fully ready yet even. so i rushed and did my usual face makeup and then let him in so he didn’t have to wait so long for me outside and then i did my usual going out routine. drying my hair, straightening a little, picking outfits and putting them together in my head. for some reason i was super duper indecisive about my outfit today. like idk why i couldn’t just grab and go like i usually do. and i also always will look through look books or style accounts and then visualize it in my head and i’m set but idk why the hell was i so damn frikin indecisive and fickle minded about my outfit today i kept changing and changing and then wearing different pieces together and shit and lol i finally ended up wearing the first outfit i tried which was just a black dress with a denim jacket. the sad thing is, the dress was kinda short and when i walk it gets even shorter so every now and then i had to pull it down but it’s really a cute dress though i think it’ll be nicer on someone shorter haha.

we walked to the bus stop and then went to tampines cus i had to get the brooch that my mom wants at isetan and while on the way there we were thinking of what to eat and looking through links that i’ve saved on facebook on different places we can go and eat at but most of them were either too far or too expensive and we don’t have that kind of money to throw on food yet, especially not when we still have 2 more weeks left till end of the month. after awhile, we decided to stop at tamp hub and eat at the thai shop, the one where we ate before. but lol the queue was so long and it seems like a long wait + majority of the tables were filled so we settled for tenderfresh. i felt like having fish so i got their grilled fish with aglio olio and farhan got the chicken chop one. i like their aglio olio!! it has this mild spice taste and farhan says that it’s kinda like mee goreng. overall, it was nice. their buffalo wings could be a little bit spicy though but it was still good! 😋

after our late lunch early dinner, we went to isetan to see the brooches but sadly there wasn’t anymore sale price and it was going at $19 per pin so i called my mom and ask if she still wants it and she said no cus it’s too expensive and if it was $9 like before it’ll still be ok. so we ended up not getting anything there. though now thinking about i felt like i should have just splurge my money to get her one brooch at least since she has been wanting it when she first noticed it last saturday.

afterwards, i casually mentioned genki before to farhan and he thought i was joking but lol we ended up taking the train and going to genki cus i said that i wanna satisfy my cravings. we went to the bugis outlet and surprisingly the queue was moving really fast. i got the ones i wanted and we spent less than 20 bucks there which was really unexpected but also good i guess. i’m so thankful that farhan was ok with splitting the bill even though he didn’t even eat a lot. then after that we walked from bugis to dhoby as usual and i wanted to walk even further down towards plaza sing bus stop but we saw another 65 coming so we decided to walk back towards the sota bus stop and take it there instead hehe.

i really enjoyed my day today with him. it has been a wonderful day and i hope that we will have more good happy days like these. i like how we shared our music interest while on the bus ride home, and then i was so in awe when i heard him rapping!!! he really look so cool at that moment hahaha like im not kidding. maybe i’m the only one who sees him and think that he’s cool la but hahaha wtvr 😂 i also like how we joked a lot and just sorta teased each other lol or maybe that was me bc i kacau him on the train ride towards bugis hahaha and his reactions are all so cute wth i just wanna squish him 🥰😍 and then i get to lay in his arms!!!! that’s always my fav part at the end of the day tbh. just being in his embrace hais.... oh and he went home really late (or should i say early lol) around 7am cus we had a hard time booking a grab!!! but also bc we were busy playing ml hahaah we were on a roll but had to stop since he hasn’t been home for the whole day and me too but like my house is just here ya know whereas he lives all the way at the other side hahaha so yeah i gotta get him back home and to sleep also since we didn’t get much sleep that night. one day i wanna try sneaking him into the house and letting him just sleep in my brother’s room or something after my dad’s asleep. but idk if i have the guts haha or maybe should do like that time when he stayed in my brother’s room till really late and we played games together and watched movies on netflix. that was fun too 😁