#and then the next episodes would be her grappling with it and coming to terms with who she is and wants to be

[becomingpart2]

I had a dream where I completely fixed Kim's arc by having her actually kill somewhat innocent people in the climax of a self-righteous euphoric state and then almost immediately regret it by realizing what she did. It's virtually the same arc but with the difference of it being actually effective and going fully in lol

[where-dreams-dwell]

There are so many missed opportunities in Part 1 of Bridgerton Season 3 its frustrating to behold.

As one half of the season is out it’s possible that some of these will be fixed in the second half however having to wait until then (not just in terms of release date but also narratively) is not good planning. Having to wait for Part 2 to have most of the interesting things happen with our supposed 'main characters' makes the structure of the season feel unbalanced, and annoys the audience trying to root for the main couple. And a lack of attention to our romantic leads leaves the audience feeling uninvested and unconvinced in their love.

Spoilers below.

....................................................................

1. No flashbacks: by the end of Episode 4 in S1 we knew all of Simons backstory, why he didn’t want children or marriage, and his key character motivations. This helped us understand why Antony was so against the match (he knew of Simon’s vow), why Simon duelling him instead of agreeing to marry Daphne was actually a sign of love, and helped the audience understand his struggle to accept love. Similarly by Ep 4 of S2 we have had Anthony’s tragic past with his father revealed, explaining his fear of love impacting on those around him and explaining why he is fighting the clear feelings he has for Kate. For both of these romantic leads we (the audience) now know why they are refusing their clear and obvious feelings for the heroine, what internal struggles they are going to need to overcome this season, and by proxy have been reassured that they must truly love the heroine otherwise they wouldn’t be tormented.

This explanation and fleshing out of key character-beats reveals the internal motivations which are governing these characters; this knowledge is essential for future scenes where their actions will appear dismissive or unloving and the audience needs to know that they are operating under their own internal world view in which those actions make perfect sense.

Simon rejecting Daphne's hand? He’s not being cruel, he doesn’t want to deprive her of children as he has foresworn having them. Anthony rejecting his feelings for Kate and continuing to pursue her sister? He’s not unfeeling, he’s actually feeling too much and trying to run from it. This knowledge helps us forgive actions that could make us doubt their ‘true feelings’ and is essential to the audience rooting for the couple. When the romantic lead is being an ass it helps for us to know what may be making them act that way.

No Colin flashbacks means we have no idea what motivates him, what his internal journey for this season is, or any reassurance that his love to Penelope is true. What might have been motivating Colin to act like an ass, not just to Penelope but to other people, and what m ight be be grappling with now which is impacting him either realizing his feelings or coming to terms with them? We have no idea, so his journey to love is a little less compelling.

2. Colin didn’t get humbled: through season 1 + 2 we’ve seen Penelope pine after Colin while he bumbles happily along seeing her as a cherished friend but ignoring her for other romantic options. We finished season 2 with a Colin deeply hurting Penelope and implying to the audience that he actually doesn’t respect her even as a friend - what friend would imply their fiend is unattractive or unmarriable to others, especially in that time and society?

As the audience has been following this one sided romance from Penelope’s perspective we’re predisposed to be on ‘her side’, hence wanting Colon to be humbled and have to properly apologise. We want to see Colin chasing Penelope (in a role reversal from the previous two seasons) and be made to eat his own worlds.

Instead we get one scene of Penelope revealing her hurt over Colin’s actions, and then their next scene together Colin is all but forgiven. He apologises but immediately move the conversation on, asking to atone for his actions by offering help and then bam! For all intents and purposes it’s business as usual between the two again. Penelope is happy to chat and banter with him, smile at him lovingly, and agree to a secret (and scandalous) partnership.

Whats even more concerning is that they’ve set up Colin to property hate Lady Whistledown so when Penelope reveals herself she may even have to humble herself before Colin for his forgiveness. Having started the season (with two years to dwell on Colin’s actions) wanting Colin to have to beg Penelope for forgiveness, it feels disappointing that not only do we not get that but we may get significantly more scenes of her begging for his.

3. Penelope and Colin together: this may be more personal preference but I’m not feeling the same for this couple as I did for Daphne+Simon or Kate+Anthony, or even Charlotte+George. Some of it is line delivery (Anthony felt like Brooding Fuckboy, or Fuckboy who’s fighting their inner demons, whereas Colin just feels sleezy), some of it is script (Colin hasn’t been given nearly as much dialogue and little of it is noteworthy), and some is just preference in that this lead doesn’t feel mysterious or challenging or interesting. He’s really just there.

Simon and Daphne, Kate and Anthony, Charlotte and George they all had this tension when they were on screen together that you could feel through the screen. Maybe it’s the lack of anger or hatred or antagonism between the two of them and due to them being a friends to lovers storyline but the tension just doesn’t feel like it’s there.

4. Time with the main couple: It doesn't feel like the 'main couple' this season has had as much time or scenes to help us understand why they are meant to be together.

This is an ensemble show and as season continue and characters develop or are added this will become a bigger issue; there are more named characters and players than S1 to juggle, plus some characters need time this season to set themselves up for future plot lines.

But Season 1 felt like Daphne and Simons season. Season two felt like Kate and Anthony's season. This doesn't feel like Colin and Penelope's season. Its more like this is a drama-filled season, and one aspect of it is Colin and Penelope.

5. Colin's Character: This is actually a much bigger problem so lets break it down further

5.1 Why Colin? In a friends to lovers plot (a childhood friends to lovers plot too) we really need to see why our heroine is fixated on this man; why is he better than all her other options, why did she originally fall and then remain in love with them for all these years, and why should we want him to realise his own feelings? Crucially what is so special about him?

As Colin hasn't yet been fleshed out, really at all, we don't know why he is this great love for Penelope and why we should root for him to fall in love with her in turn. So Penelope's pining for him comes across as less understandable and more 'I don't get what you see in him but okay'. And that's bad, especially for a show which wants you to go feral over their central couple; fewer members of the audience falling in love with the lead means fewer people understanding Penelope maintaining this crush (especially when its detrimental to her future) which means fewer people rooting for the main couple.

5.2 Colin’s character dissonance: this is kind of a show don’t tell issue but we keep being told all these things about Colin’s character, instead of seeing examples of this behavior ourselves, and on top of that what we are told doesn’t match with what we are shown.

Violet tells Colin he’s ’always putting others first’ but we have never seen this in 2 1/2 seasons of this show. Colin has left to travel in every off season, a very self centred action focused solely on what he wants to do and not what others may want. We’ve seen Benedict put people first more than Colin (being the shoulder for Eloise, helping her out in ballrooms, being Anthony’s second for his duel and his sounding board with Sharma issues) so that character assessment feels untrue.

Violet also calls Colin her ‘most sensitive child’ but we have not one scene of Colin showing this sensitive side. There’s no scene of him comforting Daphne about her failed season or Anthony about his problem with the Sharmas; no moment showing him helping out anyone outlet out of the kindness of his heart, or reacting to another’s pain or worry or problems so again this feels like Violet is describing a totally different character.

Penelope says Colin’s eyes are more beautiful ‘when you’re being kind’ but we haven’t seen Colin be overly kind to anyone. He told Marina in S1 he would have still married her if she had told him of her pregnancy, but this is stated when he’s angry so he’s probably not feeling or looking very kind right then, and it isn’t him actually doing this action, it’s just him claiming what he would have done. When he’s goes to visit Marina in S2 his actions come off more desperate and clingy than anything close to kind. If you argue that his tutoring if Penelope is kind, it’s actually self serving as he offered to do this to atone for him being decidedly not kind at the end of last season. He’s helping her out but he offered this to make up for hurting her before so I don’t think you can view this as a selfless act.

When he reveals Jacks scheme in S2 and demands he pay back money while preserving the Featherington Ladies good name he is undoubtably doing a good act but ‘kind’ isn’t the way he’s portrayed: he’s shown as decisive, protective, angry, courageous, bold, etc.. all very good things but still not that ‘kind’ Penelope talks about.

The last time Colin did something entirely kind may have been Season 1 asking Penelope to dance after Cressida ruined her dress. If that's it, that's very little to go on and a very long time ago.

It feels like people are trying to tell us that Colin is a good guy, without showing us moments where he actually is good. It comes off as clunky and doesn’t match the character we have seen, so these claims have little impact on our assessment of him as a person and as a lead.

5.3 Colins Writing; Stop trying to make Colin's Great Writing happen. Its not going to happen.

At least not when the only snippet you give us is basically porn.

I haven't read the books but I've heard that Colins writing snippet that Penelope finds, while starting as porn, eventually turns into a rumination on how unfulfilled and alone these actions make Colin feel and how he feels lost. That would have been an amazing moment to have in the show, giving us honesty and a secret from the romantic lead and adding depth to Colins actions (which are a little jarring to watch while we actively want him to be falling for Penelope).

If Colin is this great writer then have him writing more. In the back of conversations at breakfast, have him reading his travel journals or scribbling in a notebook. In the hot air balloon scene have Colin seek out an adventure novelist to talk about his experiences. Maybe he gets a letter from Sir Phillip asking about his travels since they enjoyed speaking so much last season, and Colin sends long and detailed responses people joke are like novels (also great for future seasons).

Right now it feels like window dressing and a throw away comment that he's 'an incredibly talented writer' and doesn't match what we've seen of him.

(Side note: it is objectively hilarious that Penelope reads one page of smut about a naked woman the author is sleeping with, then later describes this page of writing as 'incredible' while claiming she 'would love to read more'. You sure you're 100% interested in Colin there Penelope...?)

5.4 How is Colin a Tragic Hero?: This figure always works best for romatic stories and all other Bridgerton Seasons have followed the formula. Simon had a negligent and abusive father and no good examples of marriage or family, Anthony had traumatically had his beloved father die in front of him and been parentified at a young age, and George had the weight of the crown destroying his mental health. All of these leads had a demon they were wrestling with and it gave them intrigue and interest.

Colin has no demons; at least none we've been made aware of.

There's a vague allusion (from Eloise, Lady Whistedown and Violet) that Colin is in some way 'putting on a front' this season. What would have been amazing for the audience would have been a scene or two showing Colin struggling to fit in (in his family, in the Ton, etc) and him feeling alone or isolated because of it. Maybe traveling was his attempt to have interesting stories to tell, or something to distinguish himself with but upon his return (Season 2) no one had an interest in listening and groaned when he tried to share his stories, and so he turned to writing them down instead and decided to shut himself off from trying to relate to everyone as 'himself' and instead to become 'The Traveler' character and pretend so he can fit in.

This would not only give Colin a Secret or a Demon that he needed to work through, but offer us (the audience) a way in which he would be able to understand and support Penelope; another person feeling isolated and unheard who turned to writing to express themself.

While there are the bones of a great love story here the little work put in to flesh out Colin as an individual, giving us no idea of what experiences made him and what he is currently grappling with, means the audience doesn't have much to go on when Penelope professes to love him. Who is this man, as descriptions of him don't match his actions and those actions he does have are both seemingly self serving (travel) and not fully fleshed out (writing); and both annoyingly happen largely off screen. And as the current structure pits Penelope as likely the one needing to beg forgiveness by the end of the season, while we entered it expecting Colin to begging for her forgiveness, their current relationship doesn't feel as salifying or as earned as we could have hoped.

Here's to Part 2 doing some very heavy lifting.

[wlwanakin]

AO3 Wrapped: Writer's Edition

tagged by @cheesenames and @animazi <3

Words written this year: 2,004 published, who knows how many unpublished

Works written this year: only one that i actually completed and published lmao. i started approximately 7 fics though

Work Most Proud of: a vile hunger for your hammering heart is, again, the only one i've finished. however i am earnestly very proud of how it came out. i think it's some of my best writing and i shocked myself by actually finishing it too

Work with Most Hits: since i only published one thing this year that is the answer. the fic with most hits overall is mercy killing, which is like three years old and was my first foray back into star wars fic after years of not writing anything for this wretched fandom

Fav title: i am bad at titling things and regret the titles i've given most of my fics, including vile hunger lmao. i tend to steal titles from other things, and in this case i stole an episode title from interview with the vampire that itself was taken from the novel. and the thing is that the passage in the book is about louis drinking from claudia to the point of death and grappling with how this desire to drain her contradicts what he actually wants and to me it's a turn of phrase that viscerally evokes violent grief, and on that level it's fitting, but also the fic itself was inspired not only mainly by the show (louis doesn't slit lestat's throat in the novel, it's all claudia) but also by an entirely different episode than the one whose title i stole. i really should've called it the thing lay still but it didn't quite evoke what i want and i could not get the phrase "a vile hunger for your hammering heart" out of my head. it just sounds prettier. all this to say, my favorite fic title is for one i have yet to release onto the world (because it's unfinished)

Pairing You Wrote the Most For: anidala lmao. i have a rotation i go through but i always come back to anidala

What Work was the Quickest To Write: i finished vile hunger in like a week after coming up with the idea a month or so before? i worked on it in spurts before locking in and writing the meat of it within a week. that like never happens so it was pretty crazy, i'm usually really slow. fastest ever would probably be mercy killing though i wrote that in like five hours in a sleep-deprived daze. both of these are anomalies

What Work Took You Longest To Write: i'm a ridiculously slow writer (which is why i have published only one fic this year) and i have also only finished like ten fics in the decade i've spent writing them. most of what i write takes six months to two years and gets abandoned rather than finished

How Many WIPS do you have for next year: i'm working on a bunch of stuff right now!! i've posted my list of wips before, but the big focuses are a one-shot about anakin and sabe being all weird and tense with each other while anakin represses gender dysphoria, a potential sequel to vile hunger which is mostly about post-partum psychosis, and my biggest project which is my modern au yuri anidala murder road trip fic

Longest Work of the Year: i only wrote one

Shortest Work of the Year: only wrote one

Fav character to Write: in general it's probably anakin because he's just so fundamentally fucked up and abnormal and to convey that you really have to develop a distinct voice. and it comes fairly easy to me because anakin's personality and issues just so happen to be fairly similar to mine and i can get really cerebral in his pov and that's my favorite. i have grown extremely fond of writing padme lately, though. she used to be a bit of an enigma to me in terms of writing her pov but i've been writing so much padme pov lately and i've finally gotten a grasp of the narrative voice i want to give her and her brand of neurosis is just so fun to delve into

Which work of yours have you re-read the most: vile hunger. i actually really like what i did with it!

Total Kudos this Year:

Total Hits This Year:

Total Bookmarks This Year:

Total Subscriptions This Year: skipped all of these bc i wrote one fic. just check that

What Do You Listen To While Writing: whatever music i'm into at the time. my writing go-tos are mitski, florence + the machine, keaton henson, ethel cain, phoebe bridgers, hozier, sufjan stevens and artists adjacent, but sometimes i try to match the tone of my wip and sometimes i just pick whatever i wanna listen to writing nonwithstanding. i wrote a lot of stuff to depeche mode and fontaines dc this year. the i saw the tv glow soundtack was also a big writing album for me. right now my go-to writing music is against me! and the smiths

Fav line or passage: most of my favorite passages are from wips and idk if that's allowed but this one from vile hunger is one i liked so much i used it as my summary:

She’s always thought Anakin is prettiest when he’s asleep. He rarely fell asleep before her, and she treasured those rare times he did, studying his face, the near-angelic softness of his relaxed features. Soft isn’t a word most would use to describe Anakin, but it’s always the first word she thought of on those nights, watching him in the early stages of this comfortable, nightmare-free sleep he could never get anywhere else. It was something no one else got to see, and as much as she wished he could find peace outside of her she still selfishly treasured that he couldn’t, that she got to have moments like those that were totally and entirely hers. He looks the same as he did on those precious nights, even with blood still seeping from his gaping neck. She’s cradled his head like this countless times, always gentle to ensure she wouldn��t wake him up, endlessly grateful to have him in her arms and pushing back the ever-nagging fear that one day he’ll return to her a corpse. And now he has returned to her arms again, peaceful and pretty and dead and totally and entirely hers.

tagging @officialfoxsquadron and idk who else bc most of my writer friends aren't super active on here!! but if u wanna do this go crazy

[sevensoulmates]

Speculation ahead:

I want to talk about the title "Buck, Bothered and Bewildered" less from the assumption that the song lyrics = what happens in the show and less from the assumption that Buck's name being in the title means it's all about him. The episode may have him have a central storyline but I'm 99% sure the episode will also feature Maddie and Eddie having central storylines in this episode too.

So, Bothered and Bewildered. To me, those words signify big change, big realizations, but also confusion, discomfort, growing pains with emphasis on the pain.

Bothered implies that whatever change is coming it will not be easy. It implies that this is something that disturbs the characters usual life. It's something that requires looking inward, discovering why the change bothers them so much, and coming to terms with the new life they'll probably have to lead from that moment forward.

Bewildered implies that this change is a surprise. Not something the character saw coming. ((so for those of you who are assuming this is Bi Buck realization I don't think it'll be just a "oh yeah I've been bi this entire time" thing)). It's not something they've been sitting on agonizing about, but something that comes out of the blue. Or maybe, it's something the character wouldn't let themselves think about and/or never believed was true about themselves, but now has to reevaluate who they really are.

This could mean a hell of a lot for all of the characters. From a Maddie/Madney perspective maybe they're adjusting to being fiance's, or Maddie worries about potentially becoming a wife again.

For Eddie, if this is a queer realization for him, I don't think it's an easy one. It's one he'll struggle with. We know Marisol is still around, this could be in reference to the relationship he's trying to force with her. I do still believe man is deep in compulsory heterosexuality, so I wouldnt be surprised if he tries even HARDER to force this relationship with Marisol in a last ditch attempt to prove his "normalcy". And perhaps he finds his relationship with Marisol bothers him in unexpected ways. In relation to potential bi Buck, it could mean Eddie has to grapple with Buck's sudden queerness and determine WHY it is bothering him. If anyone has a "am I homophobic because my queer best friend is with someone else" moment, I believe it would be Eddie, not Buck. I truly believe Eddie is that repressed. But if the Buck/Tommy rumours are true then this could spell EXTREMELY interesting for Eddie as well, especially considering the next episode is You Don't Know Me.

And Buck. I know we're all kinda jumping the gun assuming it means bi Buck, and istg I'm also hoping and praying too. Truly, it makes the most sense to do. Let the homoeroticism of the basketball scene sweep Buck into an unexpected queer realization and let him grapple with the idea that now Men are an Option. And if Men are an option, Eddie could be an option. The implications of this are fucking ENORMOUS.

[audiblehush]

I began looking over the episode titles for S3 again… and that “Tick Tock” title has me mulling over some things… Book Spoilers below!

Spoilers / theories

I’m assuming that like in the books, someone (whether Cressida or someone new) tries to claim the LW title and so Pen is under a time crunch to print a denial… and of course Colin likely discovers her while she goes to do so… because the next episode title is “Romancing Mr. Bridgerton.”

(But being that the next episode title is “Joining of Hands” I’m worried they’re not going to give Colin at least a full episode to grapple with that reveal… sigh. He deserves to have time to feel and express his feelings—be they sadness or anger— about that…)

But I ALSO wondered with how the show IS obviously changing other aspects of the story, if maybe Colin or Eloise will be under a time crunch to do something surrounding Pen… to parallel the time-sensitive situations where Pen felt back into a corner and made decisions that had reachingn consequences.

Maybe Colin learns something about Debling , who we know is going to be a “serious” suitor for Pen (whatever that ends up meaning), that makes his interest in her dishonest or ruinous? (to attempt to parallel the Marina situation, though, not the same - poor Marina was in a desperate spot. Doesn’t excuse what she tried to do, but the girl had almost no options). I don’t even need/want Colin to be romantically jealous - Pen is his friend first, and would be trying to look out for her for her happiness… he just also happens to be hella horny for her now andmaybealittkeinlovewithhernohesnotindenial 🤷‍♀️

Or Maybe Eloise has to make a monumental choice regarding the Queen who is still hunting for LW? And Eloise, being the only one who knows her identity, is the only one who can do something to save her friend, even if she’s furious at her?

How I felt about it would depending highly on the execution of such a plot line. Because it could be amazing for the characters in terms of reconciliation and understanding where each person was coming from (can you imagine the conversations??) in this season and earlier ones… that being said, I don’t want it to be used as an excuse for Pen to not have to apologize, but it could be a powerful moment between Penelope and either Colin or Eloise. A “walk in another person’s shoes” moment, if you will, where all characters involved realizes that nothing in those situations was clear cut. No one was blameless.

…but it would be a big departure from the book.

But so many things are already different - I want the story that has BEEN told with THESE versions of the characters to be done well… not just book accuracy for the sake of it.

ANYWAY, I’m tired of all the vitriol I’ve seen floating around for various characters. I have faith the writers will give us something satisfying.

I love Colin (my soft boi is the BEST male love interest on this show FIGHT ME)…

and I love Pen (shy, complicated, multifaceted, both powerful and powerless in equal measure, has a complete lack of real vulnerability out of fear… I don’t know if I’ve ever encountered a character like her before)…

And I can’t WAIT to see what this season does with them 🩵

[randommusingsstuff]

Why Ben and Devi are Endgame (Meta)

At the heart of every rom-com, it always comes down to this: what does the protagonist truly want? 

Why Devi and Paxton Don’t Work

In the season 2 finale, Devi triumphantly says “So, I guess I'm Paxton Hall-Yoshida’s girlfriend now”. She got what she thought she wanted at the start of her journey, only it’s not what she wants anymore. 

Although Devi cares for Paxton, she views him as a status symbol. Paxton, for all his growth, still sees himself as cooler than her. And no, he was not just embarrassed because she cheated on him. Before he knew she was cheating, he invited his friends on their first date and refused to call her his girlfriend. In the finale, it once again takes someone else to point out that he shouldn’t blow her off. As Devi and Paxton walk into the dance, he gives his friends a sheepish look while they judge him. Not only does he still have lingering feelings of embarrassment, his friends’ reactions suggest turbulence ahead for their relationship. 

There is also a lack of communication between Paxton and Devi. They have a magical kiss by the window, and makeout sessions afterwards, but they don't actually talk about their relationship in that elapsed time. Devi makes the assumption that they are together and Paxton doesn’t articulate what he wants until it is forced out of him. 

What can we conclude from this? Paxton is a great character, but he is not the one for Devi. They have differing interests and goals, a lack of communication and they do not see each other for their true worth. 

Can the writers surmount all of these issues to give them an endgame? Yes, but it would require fundamentally changing who Devi and Paxton are. 

Why Devi and Ben Work

In episode 1 of season 2, Devi wants to pick Ben but her friends talk her out of it. This is crucial to understanding why they belong together: her gut instinct has already revealed the truth. She had both guys vying for her and she wanted Ben. Just by this one fact alone, we can infer that Devi’s relationship with Ben was more meaningful to her than her pursuit of Paxton in season 1.

When it’s revealed that Devi is two-timing the boys, Paxton is hurt but Ben is devastated. Paxton likes her, but Ben connected with her on a deeper emotional level. Devi follows Paxton out of the party, which is understandable because he is the one walking away. Again, this is cleverly hinting at their communication styles. Paxton wants to avoid the situation and Ben wants to talk about it. From Ben’s perspective, Paxton is the guy she has wanted for so long and he is the second choice. 

Throughout the season, Ben never considers the fact that Devi could want him over Paxton, which is equal parts sad and infuriating. Her therapist asks what she wants more than anything and she says Ben. In context, it’s a comical line, but it’s also Devi revealing her truth. Like she does at the beginning of the season, she makes a choice and it’s Ben. She pursues Ben romantically before Paxton even though Paxton is the one more willing to forgive her. 

It takes Ben longer to forgive her, and yet he is still there for her when she needs help. The little things he does like give her advice about Aneesa and make her feel better about Paxton’s rejection all show Devi’s ability to be vulnerable with Ben. 

As an aside, they had the opportunity to show Devi being vulnerable with Paxon but didn’t take it. In episode 8 of season 2, Paxton sees Devi crying and she reveals that she got into a really bad fight with Eleanor. I was thinking: here it is, here is the moment that Paxton finally helps Devi with her problems... but no. His response is “seems like you’re in a fight with lots of people” and the conversation quickly shifts to her apologizing and helping him yet again. Devi is able to open up to Ben and be supported by him in a way that she can’t with Paxton.

Before I talk about the finale, which is arguably the biggest point in Ben and Devi’s favour, I want to look at the season overall. The entire story arc is Ben and Devi wanting to be together but constantly running into roadblocks in the form of Eleanor/Fabiola, Paxton and Aneesa. It was so alarmingly obvious they belonged together after season 1, that the writers had to find ways to forcibly separate them for the time being. It’s important for Ben and Devi’s relationship that she dates Paxton first. If she had been allowed to go for Ben, they would have had to explore Devi wondering what she missed out on. When Devi and Ben do get their happy ending, it will be because Devi has realized that Paxton is not the person for her. 

In the finale of season 2, we get 3 crucial scenes from Devi and Ben. The first is the bathroom scene which reaffirms Devi’s ability to be vulnerable with Ben and his ability to support her (something she doesn’t have with Paxton). The second is their tension-filled scene at the dance where they longingly stare at each other. This directly contrasts the scene in episode 8, where Devi tries to reframe her mindset and stop seeing Ben as someone she is attracted to. Here, it becomes apparent that she is unable to stop thinking about him in a romantic way despite actively trying. 

The third scene is basically Eleanor saying “you dummy, she wanted to choose you!”. The writers intentionally reference the pros-cons scene from episode 1, re-affirming that Devi wants Ben. The only reason they are not together is because he is not an option. 

Then we get the line “it wasn’t always him”. Many Devi and Paxton fans believe her choice was Ben, but he took too long and now it’s too late. But when has it ever been too late for a main love interest in a rom-com? Mindy Kaling is a rom-com savant, and she knows as well as I do that it’s only ever “too late” for douchey guys who do not acknowledge the self-worth of the heroine. That’s not Ben though, he has always seen Devi for who she is. 

The heartbreak on Ben’s face is infinitely worse than Paxton’s voicemail at the end of season 1, although these scenes are meant to parallel each other. Devi and Paxton are two people who like each other but do not work as a long-term relationship. Ben and Devi are two people who work as a long-term relationship but never acknowledge their feelings for each other at the right time. It’s a tragedy just waiting to be rectified in season 3.

Season 3 Predictions

Now that I've given my analysis on why Devi and Ben are meant to be, here are some predictions I have on the Devi-Ben-Paxton love triangle for season 3.

Fabiola/Eleanor will be the ones to help Devi act on her true feelings for Ben. This one is a no-brainer for me. After sabotaging their chance to be happy in the first place, Fabiola and Eleanor will decide that they want their friend to be happy and set things right. It will also parallel Ben mending their friendship in season 1.

Paxton and Devi will have some sweet moments in the first half of the season, but not without their issues. The lack of communication and their respective status (the way they view each other) will cause them to fight. They will break-up mid-season, but the ending will leave hope for reconciliation.

On that note, I do not think they will kill the love triangle. Even though we will likely see Devi confessing her feelings for Ben and saying that she wanted to choose him all along, this is still a TV show. Contentious love triangles = buzz and money.

Ben and Aneesa will break up by mid-season, but probably earlier. Ben will find it hard to be in a relationship with Aneesa as he grapples with his feelings for Devi.

Ben will be a pillar of support to Devi as she navigates how to be a girlfriend. It’s the classic trope of the guy helping the girl win over the man of her dreams, only to realize that the person she wants is right in front of her.

 Devi and Ben’s friendship and lingering feelings will culminate in an epic finale confession and kiss. Everything that they were unable to say to each other last season will be spoken aloud in season 3.

Ben and Devi are soulmates, drawn to each other and unable to avoid their feelings. I can’t wait for them to take over my life again next year.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E131 (March 30, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are Liam O’Brien and Sam Riegel!

Brian points out that a lot of Caleb’s greatest fears have come to pass. Liam: “It’s funny, because he’d kind of believed for a while that those things weren’t going to happen. After a while, he got complacent.” He notes that it was extra wild because everything with Trent popped up again in the midst of that complacency. And how did it feel to be defiant toward Trent? “I think Trent successfully made Caleb question if Caleb really was in control“ at the dinner party. “I feel like anything that I do is part of his plans for me, or is that just gaslighting? I’m legitimately scared of that dude.” Sam: “Of Matt?” Liam: “Sure.” He highlights the disconnect between knowing that the M9 is mechanically powerful and could possibly defeat Trent in a dice-and-stats battle, versus fearing him in a story sense and being convinced he can do almost anything.

Sam, on Luc’s death: “That was brutal, man. Matt Mercer is a-- he hates children! Clearly. He actively sought to kill a child in the campaign in as brutal a way as possible. He hates children and wants them dead. Canon. No, but to RP, that was horrible.” He highlights that so much of Veth’s arc has been about trying to get back to her family. “We had to choose something and we thought we were making the right choice. It was all Veth’s fault, and it was pretty rotten. My heart was beating pretty fast, and I certainly didn’t want to have my son die live on the stream. I don’t know what Veth would have done. That’s the end, that’s over. It’s almost worse than when your own character would die. This is something that would also kill Veth.” After the episode was over: “just shaken. I also didn’t know what to do next! That felt like a turning-point moment for my character, weirdly so close to what we assume to be the end arc of this campaign. I texted Matt later that night and was like, that’s it, Veth’s out, I’m tapping out.”

There’s an interlude in which Sam discovers a new dream to record an episode of this show from his Peloton. Dani informs him that she will not be inviting him back.

On Astrid, Liam: “I literally don’t know what she’s doing. I know that she’s dangerous, she always was ambitious, and there’s not been a moment where Caleb let his guard down with her. He’s not trying to reestablish what they had. He cares for the both of them, for Astrid and Eodwulf. He thinks about it a lot, still. He can’t tell how much she buys into everything that she experienced and is now living as a full-grown adult. He suspects that she’s bought in and is not going to change things, because she believes in the system, as much as he’d like to peel her away. He does believe that they want what’s best for the Empire, and stopping whatever wants to come vomiting out of a hole in the frozen north is good for everyone. And they’re powerful. They’re not trustworthy, obviously. But there’s enough at stake to make it worth it. He could imagine a situation where they fight each other to the death.” He was convinced Astrid was going to stop them when they left the tower and was really shocked when she held back. Sam: “Not me! I’ve trusted Astrid since day one. She’s the greatest! I sent a letter to her, she’s very nice, I think you guys would be a nice couple. I believe every word she says.”

On having to decide on Veth deciding to go off and save the world after Luc’s death. “Like I said, I was ready to be done. And then I decided somewhere in there that that’s not very D&D. So I thought I’d leave it up to somebody else, so I asked Caduceus to decide for me, essentially. She knows she’s putting her other family in danger if she doesn’t go. It’s an impossible choice, you know?” Liam: “I love watching you grapple with it, because you’re a lovely father and love your kids.”

On the Sanatorium, Sam: “That was brutal, man. Matt lulls you into a sense of complacency. We’d forgotten that Caleb was a stone-cold killer! It had been a while since he went on a murder spree. Still got it!” Liam: “I never meant for this character to be perfect sunshine.” Brian: “You don’t say.” Liam: “He’s very not-perfect, and I think in his brain, he was going in with the impression that they needed to get in and get out as soon as possible. The place is crawling with people with magic ability, and I didn’t have faith that we wouldn’t be sussed out or something wasn’t going to blow an illusion.” Everything was about getting out of there as fast as possible.

Did the conversation with Yeza help with Veth’s decision? “First of all, every conversation with Yeza is a beautiful one. Every time she talks to Yeza, it makes her feel good. In some ways, she’s gotten to the point now where she knows Yeza’s going to be supportive, she knows he’s going to allow her to do what she wants, but maybe that’s too much. Maybe she needs to not listen to him, basically, and be like, no, you need to be selfish now, dude, you need to say ‘come home, I’m sick of you leaving’. At a certain point, being supportive can turn into being enabling.”

Cosplay of the Week: Jester in the snow! (liljerbear47, photography by kairiceleste on Instagram)

On Trent’s motivations for chasing Caleb: “I really don’t know. The simplest explanation is to just hammer down the nail that’s sticking up. It has crossed his mind that all high-level wizards are in danger of their own ambition and egos, so it’s occurred to him that Trent might have the same kind of ideas that Halas had in the past, and maybe Caleb was always meant to be another body to jump into. Maybe in some sick, disgusting, twisted way, he wants him to be his successor. I am thinking of the next campaign, without getting too deep in, trying to do something that is much more ride-along. Caleb is very, very specific, and I thought long and hard about all the different pieces on the chessboard for him. For campaign three, I’m looking forward to seeing what happens.”

Dani: “Do I need to be keeping lore on your fucking ads?”

On the cursed dagger: “It was a tricky one, because in campaign one, one of the characters was under the influence of a cursed weapon, but it interacted with him and he knew what it was and what it did. And it affected his gameplay as a character. For me, Veth didn’t know what it was, ever. I as a player knew what it was doing, but Veth didn’t know at all. So it was kind of like my dirty, dark secret for many months. I knew this thing was coming perilously close to killing me, but my character didn’t know enough to bring it up to her friends. Nobody ever asked! So I was like, well, I guess this thing’s just going to kill me one day, and it’s kind of going to be a surprise.” Liam: “Sam, you love danger and self-destruction so much, you might as well be Mollymauk.”

On the fight in Yasha’s sequence, Sam: “You gotta put a character in your storm giant creature. It was so fun! It was so great of Matt to involve us in this encounter. It would’ve been fun just to watch, because Matt would have made it amazing and Ashley was sweating bullets, which is always fun to watch.” Sam notes he felt guilty, but Liam was going for the kill. Liam: “Matt’s gotta be careful about giving me that kind of story beat. I do not fucking care, I just fucking flip, I’m like, well, I’m going to destroy you, and I have no qualms about it. It’s too much fun!”

The Beau/Yasha tower date was in part inspired by not being able to give gifts as easily this last year. “This thing that we do together is a gift, but I love finding these moments, like the book for Jester and the tower for Yasha and for Beau. I really just wanted to give both of them a little magic for a night. I wanted them to leave this-- we’re trying to be as entertaining as possible, but shit is having an effect on all of us too, and I wanted them to have an escape, a great place to escape to.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot, plus Marion, Yeza, and Luc! (vocaz on Twitter)

On choosing Essek over Trent, Liam: “It would have been so interesting and awful and great! Essek and Astrid and Eodwulf are everything that Bren used to be attracted to that are terrible for him. Essek, hopefully he can with time find a way out of the hole that he dug himself into, but it was only two months ago where he was found out and his ambitions came crashing down around him. Long-term, I have high hopes for him, but I think it’s going to be hard.” In contrast, Astrid and Eodwulf are still “deep in the shit. It would have been really hard to navigate, but fun to play at the table. We made the right choice with what we went with. Essek’s just getting started, and Caleb doesn’t trust him entirely, because he was burned so hard not too long ago. He’s still more trustworthy than the other three. So it’s the better choice. While Caleb has all these ties on the other side, they’re really fucking dangerous. So if you have to choose, you choose Essek. But fuck that die.” Sam: “Veth, much like Sam Riegel, makes instant decisions about whether to trust someone or not and sticks to it forever. Astrid, 100% trust. Eodwulf, 100% distrust. Essek, completely distrust. I still don’t think he’s a good guy. Ikithon? Trust. 100%. Because you know where he’s coming forward, you know what he wants. I still want him dead, but I trust him.”

On Veth’s post-adventuring plans: “Veth is probably still too in it right now to think about what comes next. I, Sam Riegel, have a good idea of what I want Veth to do post-campaign.” Brian: “Maybe you shouldn’t tell us. Save it for the show!” Sam: “All she knows is she can’t do this anymore. It’s very unhealthy to be battle-wounded every other day. It’s fun for a while, but college has to end at some point, and she’s gotta go home.”

On Frumpkin changing appearance and returning to the Feywild: “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but the way it feels now for Caleb is that he feels too enmeshed in everything that has happened, and too much good has happened, and too much needs to happened, that that really narcissistic, selfish goal has the risk of harming everything else, which is more important. And that’s how he looks at it now. So he’s gearing towards letting everything from the beginning of the campaign, and where he started, go, and trying to figure out what use he’s going to be now and what he’s going to do if they’re not all dead. If Matt throws that shit down, I don’t know what I will do, I think about it a lot. But turning Frumpkin white and saying you’re free either way is him preparing to let go of everything he’s been holding on to for a really long time. He’s addicted to that idea that he can fix himself, and we’ll see if that hard choice gets presented, what he might do. But where he stands now, he doesn’t think that’s going to be reality, and he sees a way that he can be of use that he never really anticipated before, so he’s slowly shifting gears towards living with the pain he was trying to remove.”

On the last request scene and confidence heading into Aeor, Sam: “I feel like that’s a good request. I think all of us realized that if we die, that probably bodes badly for the world. I feel like all of us are at a point now as characters and as friends, that the first order of business would be to take care of everybody else’s shit, although we probably have different ideas of how to do that.” Liam: “I want the Empire to be healed, Caleb has all these memories of his parents and what they wanted for the world, and he wants that too. It’s clearly not in place now, the system needs to be broken and replaced. That could be a part of Caleb’s sunset. I don’t want Caleb to die, so maybe he can work on that after. As everything starts to shake out and we start heading towards our destiny, Caleb’s just free-floating. He’s not even going after the same thing he started for. So he’s looking at Veth’s family, and Luc specifically, and seeing that’s me, that’s a little boy in the Empire.”

[transmutationisms]

your theory about hippocrate's 4 humours being shown throughout succession is so interesting!!! do you think the 4 roy siblings fit the personality types? like i would think kendall is melancholic, connor is phlegmatic, roman is choleric and shiv is sanguine.

i also think the way its shown throughout the show (the use of elements, like kendall crying in the dirt, ALL THE PISS MOTIFS, etc) is incredibly interesting and i was wondering if you have further thoughts on it

anon after my own heart. sticking this under a readmore to spare the dash.

so first of all, In My Head connor and roman are actually flipped from what you said. connor i think is much more volatile than his sibs give him credit for ("i'm gonna go apeshit") and roman is ultimately more passive than active, though he does posture as a choleric. plus i think logan's phlegmatic (though he was choleric in his youth) and i see roman as a failson version of him in certain ways.

i did actually make a silly chart of this here but i could be argued with about almost any of these placements. i will stand by my assertion that the roys are all very unbalanced though. like they'll careen from extreme to extreme, very diseased in a classical sense. you gotta have all four humours mixed in there properly.

in terms of further thoughts. yes. so i have two favourite events to constantly obsess about from this show and one of them is kendall shitting the bed. just to recap, we have a character who's been deeply melancholic (in both a classical and more modern sense) for the first half of the season, who meets someone new over a bowl of soup (which in renaissance theory could treat melancholia), bonds with her, and then shits himself: literally a purgation of black bile.

the next episode is argestes where kendall finds a new purpose to hitch his wagon to: the cruises scandal, which he seizes on as a moral crusade (i'm not arbitrating the sincerity of his beliefs here—that's complicated). then the episode after that is when we really start to see him trying to grapple with the death of the waiter (attempts to confess to caroline) and enjoying his relationship with naomi. and by the episode after THAT, we get the jennifer thing and yadda yadda. tern haven is a turning point for kendall, and i do think shitting himself is the bodily manifestation/representation of that

so, in general, i do see succession's use of bodily fluids/humours as being more or less in line with medieval/classical medicine in that it usually signifies some kind of catharsis or release. this does depend on the character's circumstances though. like obviously if you're already lacking in phlegm, then losing more of it is not going to be good for you, it's just going to be draining. but usually these characters' problem is their excessive temperament, rather than lack thereof.

piss motif. yes i do have so many thoughts about this. logan is the only character who's really allowed to be, like, expressive of his emotions and have actual outbursts and so forth... not coincidental that he's also the pisser. plus, the sheer number of bathroom scenes, and the bathroom as a site of secret negotiations and intimate conversations and so forth. gotta get those humours flowing in order to find any kind of emotional release.

but there's always danger here too: logan pisses as a power move in 'sad sack wasp trap', but by 'retired janitors of idaho' he's lost the plot and goes piss-mad. the body in this show is so often constructed as a kind of external threat to rationality. it's the ugly human thing that the roys are so desperately trying to repress and control, and they just can't, and everyone knows they're disgusting for it. see also: greg yerfing out of doderick's eyeholes, logan yerfing at argestes. an explosion of yellow bile.

in terms of the elemental symbolism, empedocles is usually the one mostly credited with linking humours and elements, rather than hippocrates/galen. but i think that succession's humourism comes thru the influence of renaissance drama (particularly shakespeare) and by that point there often was an association between the two, so yeah i do very much see these things as being related. for empedocles, sanguine goes with air, phlegmatic with water, melancholic with earth, and choleric with fire.

so like, let's go back to kendall because he's very Body. kendall crying in the dirt... that's a melancholia moment (again, in both a classical and more modern sense). it's only after his siblings finally hear his confession that he's able to get up out of the dirt, and again, it's an emotional turning point for him represented physically. i also love that he's the one with the water motif: water is both freeing and distressing for him, in part because i think he does see it as being alien in some sense. like, his passive suicide attempt in the pool: water as literally a gateway to the great beyond, or whatever. the ultimate release/purgation/rebalancing. a foreign element for someone generally so melancholic.

also i've mentioned this especially in the context of 'this is not for tears,' but: this show frequently plays with sunlight (fire) not as enlightenment or purity or transcendence, but as overexposure or rage or danger. think of logan almost being killed by the sun in 'lion in the meadow' (because he needed water... lol). the shot of the sun backlighting the chapel at austerlitz, the roys minimised into the bottom of the frame. the dazzling blinding light in the s2 and s3 finales. sunlight on the rooftop at the end of 'shit show at the fuck factory' as kendall finds out the company's fucked. (&, related, it's raining when stewy offers to buy him out the first time...)

literally i Have to stop because i would be more than happy to turn this into an entire dissertation. like if i were in media studies or whatever. i would do that. but instead of subjecting you to that, i'll just stick this post into my humours tag where i rambled some more about things and also my bathrooms tag because there's overlap here lmao

[someinstant]

16, 18, and 19 for the A03 wrap asks!

Hello, hello, sorry for being so slow to respond to your ask! I've been meaning to get to this, but it's not the sort of thing I like to do on a phone, and I've been avoiding my computer during this holiday break (except for writing and such) so that I don't do silly things like open my work email or do any lesson plannings while I'm off from school.

But! I have the time and the bandwidth this evening, so I'll go ahead and do this now!

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

I'm really inconsistent with my Additional Tags on AO3, honestly. I tend to be one of those folks who just tags characters and pairings and big genres or tropes, and possibly things like violence or content warnings. Other than that, I don't do a lot of additional tagging? But I think my favorite additional tag I used on AO3 this year was "Rampant backstory speculation that will likely be undone in future episodes but I'm okay with that." Because that is what happens when you're writing during a season of episodic television instead of after the fact.

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

This is going to be so unsatisfactory, but-- none, really? I don't really think of it as having trouble writing a character, honestly. The trouble comes in writing something that isn't true to a character, or doesn't make sense for the character's understanding of a situation. I've definitely had trouble writing scenes before, or figuring out how to resolve a situation, but generally if I just think, "Well, what's the natural way for this person to feel about this situation? What would they say? What would they do? What are they noticing?," I find that I know the answers to those questions. So the issue it's so much having difficulties writing a character-- it's finding that the situation I've written is inconsistent with the honest portrayal of that character and their reality. And so long as I'm willing to delete the stuff that doesn't fit and move with the internal logic of the characters and their world, I can find my way out.

That said, I had such fun writing Clem and Cassian and Maarva. They're probably the easiest, most natural-feeling characters I wrote all year. I think one of my favorite bits of character-building where everything just flowed and felt right was the bit in It's the same old theme where Cass has just gotten into a fight at school. I felt like I understood a hell of a lot about those three characters in that passage, and I'm really proud of it. (And yes, I know it's a controversial take in ANDOR-fandom, but: I find Maarva fascinating, and I am going to write about her a lot, because it's so complicated and dense and I eat that shit up. YUM.)

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

Eh, I dunno! For all that I've read a ton of it, I really haven't written much in the way of direct Jyn/Cassian romance-- my only other ROGUE ONE fic previous to this year alluded to a Jyn/Cassian relationship, but it was in the past and never onscreen, as it were-- and I think I'd like to see if I can find my way into writing something that lets me dig into that in a way that feels earned and meaningful enough for me to be content. And while I am MASSIVELY uninterested in paying any attention to ship wars or any of that nonsense, I could definitely see myself writing about Cassian's relationship with Melshi, or another male character-- because he does read as bi to me, and I'm interested in how he relates to men vs. women in the show, and what that means in terms of desire and its expression.* Honestly, my feelings about pairings (or moresomes! let's not be limiting!) is: whatever, man. I like what I like, I write what I want, and y'all should do the same. This is how we build a fandom that is low drama, which is all that I want.

--

*Okay, I'm going to ramble a bit here about something that I've been considering wrt Cassian and desire, okay? Okay. So: has anyone really grappled with what it means that Cassian was a thirteen-year-old boy who was incarcerated for most of his mid-teens? Prisons aren't exactly known as locations with a great deal of respect for bodily autonomy, and the Empire and most of the Core worlds seems to have a strong heteronormative traditionalism to them-- so it seems to me that if you were a boy who might be discovering that you're attracted sometimes to other boys, Sipo would not have been a kind place. And if you take that into consideration with how aggressive Cassian can get when some men get into his physical space (think about Taramyn, and Cassian's sharp, "Don't touch me"), versus how willing he is to be in close physical proximity to women-- I dunno, man. Something happened there, and it wasn't good. What I'm wondering is if Cassian desires both men and women (and all the spectrums beyond, perhaps), but feels less safe with men unless he really knows them. Because the way Cass relates to that unwelcome touch doesn't seem to be an expression of performative hypermasculinity, or anything like it-- Cass is more than willing to touch men, to hug them deeply, and let himself receive physical affection from them. Brasso and Pegla and Melshi all hug him, and he lets himself be vulnerable in all of those circumstances. But I think it happens less often with men for Cassian, because he feels at far greater risk.

[littlebvtterfly]

IDC what anyone says, they pulled Hope becoming a Tribrid out too soon. This could have been an amazing plotline for the final season of this show, Hope grappling with the fact that she wouldn't grow old, and outlive a lot of the new friends she's made + her remaining family, coming to terms with the fact that she would become a vampire and possibly inheret her dad's monstrous tendencies, that she would walk the earth long after it's destroyed and never see her mom or dad again in the afterlife, and so on...

Instead her whole nervousness that she should have is crammed into this one episode (the episode itself was great) when Cleo had another solution. Call me a cynic but I very much see this becoming an Elena s4-6 situation, where it's fine to watch her struggle in the beginning cause it's kind of interesting but it quickly becomes boring and outdone by the next.

Imagine if they had Legacies end with that kind of storyline, Hope would still have come full circle on all three shows but it would be an ending where at least in the final episode she would be with everyone she loves.

[fermented-writers-block]

Lus and the Human Portal Clone Theory

Even before Keeping Up A-fear-ances aired, I have been working for almost a year now on running through all the possible various suspects with wonderful folks like @sepublic​ , @anistarrose​ , and @elementalist-kdj​ . Like the post title indicates, from sheer process of elimination, the only conclusion that made sense to me was a clone made of Luz by the portal door, and I’ve been working on refining and reworking said conclusion up to the version I will lay out here.

Now, as @safetayy​ , @theowlhouseheadcanons , and @50shades-of-blue have heard from me before, the portal I've long suspected was not made to go from the Demon Realm to the Human Realm, but rather to go from the Human Realm to the Demon Realm by humans, for humans. This is because it then could tie into the hypothetical existence of a Luz clone without having the issue of asking where Eda, Lilith, and King's clones are, as the clone in this case is the result of a function of the door to create a basic level duplicate of any human that passes through it rather than it happening for just anyone that passes through.

With this, it's because the suitcase form of the portal looks as thought it indicates it was used for temporary trips to the Demon Realm, much like how suitcases were used when railways and international boats made travel more accessible for the middle and lower classes. For example:

Going by the way the door “faces” and the way it swings open, the ergonomics of the portal makes it look an awful lot like a right handed out swing door, with the Human Realm on the “inside” and the Demon Realm on the “outside.” And the arrow in the diagram depicts the general direction of traffic that such right handed, out swing doors are typically design with in mind - ergo, showing what way the portal appears to facilitate travel in.

Now, before you ask, the reason why I think the portal could have been created in the human realm in the first place is that it might require an extra component/bit of help or two from the Owl Deity which I’ve discussed before in the past as hinted by these connected designs:

I’ll explore how I feel the revelation that such a twist about the portal’s origins could play into the themes and narrative of the show under the cut, but overall, I feel these are potential significant details to keep in mind for the rest of this arc of building a new door and handling the idea of Lus having initially been made as a temporary-duration clone, hence how "Luz" comes off so uncannily in the letters as she wasn't meant for long term impersonations.

That, and why I named this the Human Portal Clone theory, for those wondering about the name.

Alongside this, my thought has been that walking back through the portal to the Human Realm basically makes the portal send a recall signal to tell the clone to return to it, where the clone would be reabsorbed into the portal and its memories are given to the original. However, with Luz going back into the Demon Realm for a brief time in YBOS, I am of the mind that it doesn’t just make another clone, but rather that doing so merely made the door turn off the recall signal and allowed "Lus" to resume the impersonation.

And as for the clone itself and why they’re writing letters to Camila, well, imagine it from Lus' perspective. To her at the time of creation, the last thing she probably knew was that she had been chasing the cute little owl that took her Azura book into the woods, and right when the bus to Reality Check Camp was about to arrive.

Also, if you think about it, Lus being the work of someone we/don’t know yet raises way more plot threads/questions than answers compared to being the work of the portal, as outlined below:

TLDR at end of post for those wondering

Belos? How and why before YBOS where he actually started paying attention to Luz for the first time and actually got his hands on a portal? 

Eda? Why would she do all this and not tell Luz she can goof around without needing to worry about her mom or the camp/in time to fool the camp, especially when it took a good amount of time for Eda to even start feeling that close to Luz? 

Hooty got ruled out from the getgo since he can’t hold pencils, King just isn’t that subtle, and everyone else that Luz knows has the major issues of just straight up not knowing about the camp in the first place. Well, that and a lack of another known method of getting to the Human Realm in the first place.

The camp? Why would they worry about a missing camper whose disappearance is all HER fault and thus would more logically result in a call to her parent than some convoluted clone conspiracy? 

And finally, some currently completely unknown third party?

If we’re talking a Changeling, A) it’d be easy for Luz to dismiss them and B) that just makes all the ominous portrayal of Lus super straightforward instead of a subversion like is the show’s shtick.

If we’re talking dimensional counterparts, A) they have to REALLY have led a very similar life to Luz’s in order for there to be enough common ground for Luz to listen, and B) dimensional counterparts aren’t even a confirmed or likely thing that people cooked up from Episode 1 side characters influenced by Amity’s concept art.

And if we’re talking some complete surprise third party group or another, it doesn’t make sense to introduce a third party and their motives and plans to the show this late in when Belos is already taking up the bulk of it all.

Hell, if anything, the continued existence of the duplicate in of itself would indicate that the target of the conspiracy is none other than Camila Noceda than anything to do with Luz or Eda, especially with the complete lack of anyone taking advantage of Luz and or Eda. 

From the getgo, Witches Before Wizards already hard-baked into the show the idea that Luz is NOT inherently special or anything into the foundations of the show from the getgo - ergo, Camila likely just is an absolutely regular human being, someone who has no justification for such a convoluted conspiracy to surround them.

That said, I believe that the idea of the portal having originated from the Human Realm could potentially play into some interesting stories to be had with Camila and Lus here, especially as the conspiracy board shot from the promo was confirmed by Dana to apparently be from S2A, not from the episodes past Yesterday’s Lie:

After all, with Luz searching the library for a way home this coming episodes, perhaps she might figure out something the next couple of episodes that allows her texts to send through, which would logically lead to the above picture. That, and Camila and Lus being confused by and trying to figure out what’s going on there.

I mean, the cabin in the woods likely has a very close connection to the portal and it’s origins given how closely tied the two structures seem to be, and as far as we can tell, Luz never mentioned the cabin in her videos to Camila, but if Lus tries to retrace her steps, that would be a natural vector to lead Camila to the cabin and thus allow us a chance to actually investigate it.

That said, all following the trail would do is lead her and Lus to a dead end at the abandoned cabin, where they would have nothing else to do except discuss their complicated relationship concerning Luz and twiddle their thumbs while waiting for Luz to finish things on her end - which while something I think would be interesting to see, I just don’t see how much of a way to keep them in the greater picture of the show without some kind of project or activity that the two of them could work together on on screen. 

And that’s what leads me to a particular train of thought here, starting with the question of what if Luz FAILS to make a working portal over the course of S2A and such?

With the possible in-universe mystery over what the heck is going on with Lus, perhaps the cabin might hold some notes from the original last human owner - if not potentially the creator - of Eda’s portal as well as potentially some of the same materials and such from previous trips.

Cue CAMILA building a working portal, following in the footsteps of the original creator and such and thus finding a reason to stay on screen, all the while potentially demonstrating both why Belos wanted the portal instead of making his own, as well as diving into the Owl Deity’s connection with the original portal. Heck, maybe the Owl Deity is only accessible in the Human Realm and that plays a part in Belos wanting to get to the Human Realm, which would bring Camila directly into contact with the magic her daughter has been interacting with.

Also, just imagine the internal conflict going on here with Lus. After all, helping Camila build a portal to get the original Luz -and hoo boy would that be a tough thing to grapple with- would most definitely do that and make both Lus AND Camila question how much the latter likes Lus vs Luz.

Like, just imagine it. There would be major chances for Lus and Camila to discuss what would happen if and when they’re finished with the portal, and what will happen to Lus’ relationship with Camila if and when Luz gets back.

Does Camila really prefer her daughter to be all more “normal” like Lus, or does she prefer the old, “weird” daughter from before the summer with Luz?

Perhaps she might be able to figure out how to strike a nuanced balance between the two, and all on a metaphorical journey to truly build a better connection between her and her daughter(s?). 

TLDR: Or in short, I can’t help but feel it would be fitting to see Camila building a bridge WITH Lus TO Luz. 

Particularly, by being the one to craft an actual working portal in the Human Realm instead of Luz in the Demon Realm, showing a parent putting in an active effort to get down to their child’s level rather than waiting for said child to try to get up to their parent’s level even if they can’t or find it incredibly hard to do so.

[wolfgorlz]

okay, its time for me to break down the season three trailer for titans

leading on bruce "using fear to control everyone" - we see parallels to jonathan crane on that one right away, and we know that he will be one of the Big Bads going in to the season, and I’m guessing the guy who’s calling Bruce a psychopath using fear is (ironically) Jonathan crane himself. Dick goes to him for messed up therapy it looks like????

interestingly enough, this also is a call back to Under the Red Hood - "You wanna rule them by fear, but what do you do with the ones who aren't afraid? I'm doing what you won't, I'm taking them out." Sound familiar?

Seems this isn't the only Under the Red Hood reference we'll be getting. In this shot of Jason that we see of him approaching the crime lords of Gotham, this also parallels with a scene of him doing the exact same thing as in Under the Red Hood. It's starting to look like the Red Hood storyline will be more or less the comic and movie getting live-action adapted

JOKER BEATING JASON TO DEATH CONFIRMED?

Okay hear me out i know this seemed like it would obviously happen, but there were a lot of realistic reasons that it seemed like titans would shy away from this approach - for all that it has established itself as a very adult show, the nuances of displaying such a thing so graphicly (I use that term loosely, because this is still a very vague silhouette, albeit with very clear sound effects) especially when it is involving a character who is supposed to be a teenager on the younger side is VERY tricky and if you watched the trailer, the sound of it alone is very harrowing

Looks like Tim is going to be sort of taking on some of Duke’s backstory, maybe we’ll even see the We Are Robin campaign as it is established I believe that they adjusted his story to make him like a kid from the narrows because for some reason we csnt have a black kid who comes from a rich Gotham family (but that’s a rant for another day)

Bruce is also stepping down from the Batman mantle it looks like? So here’s hoping we follow comics canon and Tim pulls him back from that

Hot take though: we probably won’t see Tim as Robin until next season unless Titans does a strange timeskip (which it also looks like they’ll do). My guesses are either a timeskip between episode one or two, or a timeskip in episode one form the get go after about a quarter of it is spent establishing Gotham’s regression when Jason dies. Logistically, I want to say that at least half a year or even a full year (or more) would pass before he becomes the red hood? So the question is how long the Titans will be in Gotham before that

Dick is set to take the Batman mantle??? Which I’m kinda bummed out about because we barely got Nightwing last season and it would be nicer to see him get comfortable in that persona, rather than have him grapple with the cowl and the idea of being Batman. We saw that enough in the season two flashback episodes

Hawk and dove on their same BS again. Not much to say there

Kory???? ARE YOU OKAY????? Because by the looks of it the fear toxin got our queen kind of good, or it could be Blackfire’s influence on her??? Disappointingly, not much was revealed for the blackfire storyline even though she’s legitimately a bigger threat than the Red Hood

ALSO the “red hood is a biblical brother” like could be a reference to how he and scarecrow teamed up in Arkham Knight (if I’m not mistaken), so there’s a chance that rather than actually “dying”, Jason is just presumed dead bc theyre taking things in a more Arkham Knight direction (I hope they don’t, that was even more brutal than his OG death in the comics)

Or “biblical brother” could be crane talking about Jason’s relationship to dick, who he seems to know somewhat personally. With the red hood vs Nightwing snippet we got, it could be a cain vs Abel situation, and this further implies that crane knows their secret IDs

RAVEN WHITE SUIT!!! Very nostalgic for those Teen Titans watchers back in the day, and it looks like it’s some sort of Amazonian armor too? Like in teen Titans, this could be a signifier that she’s coming to terms with her powers and who she is as her father’s daughter

We didn’t get much Gar content, but by the looks of it our boy is once again saddled with the responsibility when all the adults go to play. With the timeskip it’s likely we won’t see his recovery form the aftermath of Cadmus :/ but at least I hope we get his reaction to Jason’s death? Because they were really tight next season and that’s a friendship that should be explored more

Speaking of teen Titans looks - kory’s eyes glowing full green in the trailer? About time we got over her powers being blocked

No scenes of Kory and dick yet in the trailer, which is atrocious. A lot of dick and babe, and I can’t be the only comic book reader that’s sick of the dick and Kory and Babs love triangle. Let him be with Kory. PLEASE.

Interestingly enough, no rose in the trailer. Not sure if she’s confirmed to be in the season, but fingers crossed that the toxic romance from last season is put on hold

Overall the season looks really strong, but I’m still going in skeptical that they’ll sideline a lot of POC characters - kory, blackfire, gar, Tim - but it’s shaping up to be one of the best seasons so far for Titans. There’s definitely a lot more to unpack that I might do in a part two or a later post!

[marcspectrr]

A word or two on Kiara's mental health...

Before I attempt to summarize the 39 page slideshow living rent free in my brain, a preface! This will include spoilers for s2, as well as a few mentions of suicidal thoughts! Also. I love Kiara Carrera with all of my heart so if you're not a fan of her, you might wanna keep scrolling. If you don't vibe with her that's perfectly fine, but this post is heavy with Kiara appreciation, be warned, my respect for her runs deep. The choice is yours, of course, just understand that I'm writing this bc @yellowlaboratory among others have encouraged me to get it out there because it's all I've been thinking about since I watched s2. This is not to start anything.

(This is also not me hating on Pope because I genuinely like his character, he's just made some very questionable choices throughout the show, some I can forgive and some that still don't sit right with me.)

Deep breath, here we go.

It's no secret Kiara has been poorly handled by the writers and therefore the characters at times. We got little development in s1 compared to other main male characters, leaving us to fill in the gaps as far as her ambitions, motivations, family, overall interest in the boys, etc. While I do keep this in mind, I could rant about it for days so for this I'm going off of what we have as well as what's been implied.

Kiara didn't have the same upbringing as the boys but it's clear the Carrera's had/have their struggles. She's got her foot in both worlds, not quite 'rich' but not entirely 'poor', inevitably giving her a fragile sense of belonging and identity. 16 is a hard age even without societal pressures and growing up in a classist environment, but here is where we're assuming the boys come in. They give her a place to feel comfortable in her own skin, with shared interests and accepting her for who she is, which we know the kooks don't provide. Just being around them helps ease those deep insecurities, helps her form meaningful bonds. We weren't given an explicit scene where this was shown but over the course of the two seasons it's clear how she feels about them and what they do for her mentally.

Her relationship with the pogues, however, puts a rift between her and her parents. Mike and Anna clearly want what's best for Kie but it's also obvious they've struggled with her even before the pogues. Anna wants Kiara to have the things she never got growing up, breeding a disconnect since Kiara doesn't share in her mother's interests. This leads into my biggest problem with Kiara's arc in s2, which was how Anna and Mike were written. 

Yes, Kiara didn't/doesn't treat them the best but it went both ways -- they all failed at communicating. Instead of finding a common ground and compensating for the things Kiara cares about, Anna shuts her down and ignores her, leaving her to feel like a problem rather than a person, further perpetuating even less healthy communication. Kiara even says in s2 that's why she doesn't like going home, because it always means walking into an argument and not feeling accepted.

I sorta expected a little more understanding from Anna considering her own background with pogues but instead it backfired. And Mike...he didn't contribute much at all. They could've all done better and need some work. Kiara could be more grateful and Anna and Mike are the parents, the adults, they need to make the space feel safe to talk. Kie didn't just wake up one day and decide to act out and keep her parents in the dark all the time, that stems from not feeling listened to when she does try and open up.

Expanding on this with...the whole Blue Ridge plot. Moment of silence for the show neglecting to acknowledge the academy,  even though it clearly had a big impact on Kiara's life. In s1 we got a brief look into how her 'kook year' affected her and it was not good. More isolation, blurred identity, insecurity and this time suicidal thoughts, with no one to turn to for support, assuming she was not on good terms with her parents then either. I'm assuming this because for them to send her to the academy, hoping to give her better opportunities only for it to end with her wanting to cut her wrists, to then thinking the best option is to send her away again? At this point I hope they didn’t know how badly the academy affected her because sending her away a second time with that knowledge is such a hurtful and oblivious move.

Kiara already thinks her parents see her as a burden, hurting her sense of worth as is. I really wanted to like the Carrera's and I still feel like they genuinely love and care for Kie, I just need to see more communication maybe. And if they choose to include the Blue Ridge plot, which I'm leaning towards yes on that one, I hope it's handled somewhat well, preferably not a tool to create drama even though I know a lot of people want to see it be used that way. I'm very particular, I'm sorry I'm this way.

Things I've seen her being criticized for in s2 is her behavior. The thing that people have to remember is that she's 16 and teenagers are just not the best with navigating their emotions. She made questionable choices (the 'murderer' thing and 'abusing' Pope) but these are both things that fit the plot and her character. She was by no means the only one grieving so I don't know why she's being targeted for it (although I'm not surprised, the fandom treats her horribly). Some of her core characteristics are her high moral integrity as well as her headstrong belief in people and causes. She's never been one to make herself palatable for people and s2 shows a lot of this (calling out the Cameron's, going off in front of the court, etc). Even if it caused them problems and even if they are flaws, that doesn't make her an inherently intolerable character, it makes her realistic. She was not in a good place emotionally and it would've been wrong to shy away from depicting it any other way, especially in a show where the teenage experience is decently represented.

Now with the Pope thing. I think it was handled as well as it could've been considering the circumstances. It really should've never happened but to justify it, emotions are messy, relationships even messier and they were both spiraling at the end of s1. I don't agree with the way it started (why give Kie the line of literally telling him she wanted something different only to show them together next episode, I'm forever confused) but I'm not mad about how it ended. They were both in the wrong at times so only bringing up Kie's faults is just unfair.

I believe they both tried their best and even wanted to feel the right things but learned quickly that's not exactly how it works, which was how it was supposed to be shown. Not as this romanticized, idealistic healthy relationship but as one that has its bumps and was bred out of all the wrong things. All of their body language pointed towards this. Pope didn't deserve to be hurt but Kie clearly didn't intend for things to turn out how they did. She wasn't mentally comfortable enough for a relationship and I can appreciate them showing this in the ways the writers framed it. Even the conversation with Kie describing their night on the beach, I think it was perfect. It was awkward but it was honest, which is so important.

Overall, I think Kiara's gone through a lot mentally that the show could be better at exploring. It doesn't have to be big, obvious lingering shots, they can be subtle and still mean so much to people who relate to her. Seeing someone on screen grapple with real life struggles (even if the show walks a painfully fine line as far as realism), it means a lot. Especially when mental health (more prominent than ever) is so rarely portrayed to translate in any significant way in media now. It's definitely something I would love to see get more time and effort so until then, just know I'll be manifesting the screen time Kiara Carrera deserves.

[itsclydebitches]

You know, bringing Penny back already had the risk of cheapening her death, but NO ONE having an emotional reaction whatsoever and Pietro being like “Yeah, I guess she did die lol :D” just DESTROYED the weight of her death. Just another reason I felt nothing when she died again.

The lack of reaction to Penny's resurrection will, forever and always, be a black mark on the series for me. I'm not at all surprised that she was brought back given her android status and popularity among the fandom, I can't even fault RT for restoring our original Penny perfectly given the latter (as opposed to getting a "Penny" without her personality and/or memories), but the sheer indifference to her cheating death? Not just that, but treating her return like a joke? Oh haha, silly Penny with her overenthusiastic hugs. I sure missed that bubbly girl back when our enemies manipulated our now murdered friend into killing her and that trauma kick-started the destruction of our school :)

And this trend in the fandom of going, "Just wait"? Penny suffered from it too. Massively. Like we were told to just wait to return to Oscar's mystery shopping trip, or for the reconciliation with Ozpin to start, or, now, for Emerald to undergo an actual redemption arc, the lack of reaction to Penny's return was explained away as shock (and haven't we heard that one before). Ruby will need to grapple with these emotions, it's just that she was so stunned by this turn of events! But, quite obviously, that never happened. Ruby and Penny's relationship fundamentally returned to where it had started, with Penny making comments about how she isn't allowed certain freedoms and Ruby reminding her that she's a real girl despite it all. A death and the trauma of losing a friend? Not a part of their Volume 7-8 dynamic, to the extent that the story throws them a party in the arena where Penny died — and where Yang was framed, and where the Battle of Beacon began — and not a single character has anything to say about that. The meaning that Penny's death carried in Volumes 3-5 was, in short, erased... and then Penny's entire journey of learning that she's always been real is erased too in an effort to kill her off for good. Her human body wasn't included because it was something she strove for (it wasn't), or something the group needed (it wasn't), or because it was a thematic culmination of her journey (quite the opposite), or even because it follows her inspiration (Ironwood's Tin Man would have something to say about that). It exists solely so that Penny could be murdered again, this time for good. The mad scramble to theorize that she's not really dead (again) is telling. Even the most complimentary fans, those who were quite happy with Penny becoming a human and took no issue with her story throughout 7 and 8, recognized that her death was a horrific, meaningless scene that served only to drum up shock value and give Jaune something to angst over.

I'd even go so far as to say her time as the Maiden was meaningless too. Not just in terms of her not actually doing anything with the powers and Winter ending up with them as originally planned — those two points have both been covered extensively — but in regards to the fact that the group didn't react to that either. Our formerly dead friend came back and a short time later is one of the Maidens? Neat! And that's the extent of their emotional investment in Penny's change. Neat, we've got a stronger fighter now. I just answered that ask that referenced Yang and Ren's fight and that's literally Yang's entire thought on the matter: "We have the Maiden." The Maiden is positioned as a useful tool in this war; a checkmark in the "Victories" column when your friend thinks you haven't achieved enough. But doesn't anyone care that the Maiden is Penny? It's particularly strange to me given the six years of fandom discussion surrounding Pyrrha's almost-time as a Maiden too. As someone (quite obviously lol) interested in Ozpin's character, his desire to make Pyrrha the next Fall Maiden is often viewed as one of his worst acts, supposedly taking this poor, defenseless student and manipulating her into accepting a power that will ruin her life. So much of this is conjecture and even more is an erasure of Pyrrha's agency, and the hypocrisy here is on full display when we look to the reaction to Penny's acceptance of the powers instead. No one is worried about how this power is supposedly going to ruin her life. Or drive all her friends away. Or make her a target to be murdered (again) which is precisely what happens. Or turn her into a tool for the evil men around her to abuse — even though Penny is the one who actually has storylines revolving around her agency, from Pietro building her to be Atlas' obedient weapon to Ironwood ordering her back to his side. Yet the characters don't react to this change with any of the horror we might have expected, because these views don't derive solely from fan headcanoning — we've got moments in the text too. Like Jaune convincing himself that Qrow and the others forced Pyrrha into this. Or the knee-jerk reaction to "real" magic and the horrible things it must do to you. Yet Penny walks out of that lab brimming with a foreign magic, something that Ironwood had always planned to pass onto one of this allies, a power that they know has gotten numerous people killed, and our group is just like, "Cool. Penny upgrade." Everything about Penny's Volume 7-8 journey demonstrates a lack of forethought; the authors' inability to connect what they're currently writing to what came before and what will come later. The lack of reaction to her death, the framing plotline going nowhere, a total acceptance of her as the Maiden despite complicated feelings in the past (and we can toss Yang's assumed secret about Raven in here too), the ableist and contradictory message of giving her a human body, dying again just an episode later, doing so in a way that throws Jaune back into the same situation we've seen before... none of it is emotionally fulfilling when set against the rest of RWBY.

And Emerald, as you say, is a crucial part of all that. Emerald is the one who originally orchestrated Penny's murder. We see her love for Cinder pushing her to attack Penny again just hours before she joins the group. Emerald pretends to be Penny in order to get close to Ironwood... and the only thing we get from all this is a quip about how "weird" it feels to do good. Their stories are woven together and the fact that RT doesn't seem to realize that does a huge disservice to them both. The question of, "How does Penny grow after being resurrected post-murder?" and the question of, "What will it take to redeem Emerald?" are irrevocably linked to one another... and yet neither character was given the chance to answer those questions in a fulfilling manner.

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Sotsu Ep15 [FINALE]

For better or worse I think Ryukishi achieved exactly what he set out to do with this series, and I guess everyone’s just gonna be forced to reckon with how they feel about his own perspective on this franchise versus how they feel about it, lol.

Anyway, thoughts under the cut, plus Umineko spoilers.

I’m not entirely sure where to even start with this, but I guess the TL;DR is that I honestly think Gou/Sotsu was ultimately just fine despite it’s issues, and part me of can’t help but be like ‘I told you so, lol’ about how this really did end with this episode, and also committed pretty hard to the Umineko prequel elements.

It’s not like all of my theories were correct in the end, but I at least think I was pretty spot on in my prediction last week that this would end with the miracle of them side-stepping the sword issue entirely and choosing the third option of forgiveness and reconciliation. And also them ending it with an epilogue where we go back to the Matsuribayashi timeline and get a happy ending for Rika and Satoko that provides a ‘non-magical interpretation’ for the story while also giving us an idea of how Bern and Lambda formally split off into their own entities and start the relationship we see in Umineko.

I didn’t quite expect them to go down the route of having them agree to just spend a few years apart and accept that they don’t need to literally always be together, but I think that was a really good way to wrap things up between them. It’s pretty much the healthiest compromise to their conflict that doesn’t come across like it completely invalidates one of their dreams. I get why it feels too anti-climactic and convenient for people, but when you pull at that thread you get into wider topics of what the entire story is about, since this was always going to end with Satoko being redeemed and forgiven. People might not have taken him seriously, but Ryukishi was 100% genuine about his regrets about Matsuribayashi’s ending, and how part of why he came up with this new story was to create a better ending, while also doing more with Satoko as a character.

Basically I think a lot of the fandom negativity towards this boils down to people fundamentally disagreeing with the idea that Matsuribayashi was even ‘flawed’ in this sort of way to begin with, or that Satoko was badly written. It’s valid to disagree on this stuff, but at the very least we all have to grapple with how Ryukishi has his own specific relationship with this series.

People like to focus on how he’s a troll who likes to mess with people, but I feel like this is a bit of a wake-up call for people about how he’s actually extremely sincere, almost to a fault, and he likes to use his stories as a vehicle for expressing his personal philosophies and ideals. 

This whole story is also a good example of how he just sees this as ultimately being a fictional story about fictional characters, and not literally a matter of real people who need to be sentenced for their crimes or whatever. As early as the original VN he was almost being outright preachy about the message that nobody is irredeemable, and that philosophy carries through to this. But to be more specific, nobody *in this story* is irredeemable. He’s pretty open about the fact that in practice you can’t apply this sort of ideal to real life, but fictional stories are their own separate matter.

I think this whole issue of how he views this as a story first and foremost is also the central reason why this ended in a way that comes across as Satoko being let off too easy for her crimes. One way or another, Ryukishi’s made it clear that he sees this as being no different to how other characters had arcs where they committed crimes but still got forgiven, or how Takano is basically a straight up war criminal who also got forgiven for her crimes.

Anyway, this episode at least committed to the Umineko stuff, so that was satisfying. Sure there’s people that still want to deny it, but at this point I think a lot of people are just being stubborn, so it’s not like anything would have really convinced them, lol. I’m also genuinely not sure what people even would have expected them to do beyond what we saw her, aside from having the two of them literally put on their gothic lolita outfits and turn to the camera and go ‘we are literally Bernkastel and Lambdadelta from the video game series Umineko When They Cry’. I almost feel like there’s some kind of misunderstanding from people who aren’t familiar with Umineko when it comes to the idea of what it even means for this to be ‘an Umineko prequel’, or ‘a Bern/Lambda origin story’. I mean, this is quite literally exactly what I expected and hoped for in that regard. It’s not like I was expecting them to incorporate anything related to, like, Beatrice or the Ushiromiya family.

I think this is also one of those things where you just have to decide for yourself whether or not you want to earnestly engage with the story that’s being told, or if you want to assume that there’s some level of malice or trickery going on.

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting them to literally have Rika and Satoko recite part of Bern and Lambda’s final conversation with each other word for word, lmao. Combined with the scene at the end where ‘Witch Satoko’ talks to herself about how she’s going to give her body back to Satoko while she goes chasing after Rika, it was literally just the exact origin story of their relationship as it’s depicted in Umineko.

I still feel like this would all only really be ‘worth it’ if we actually get something like a full on anime remake for Umineko, but at this point I can’t help but feel satisfied with this part of it all.

It’s not like I think Gou/Sotsu as a whole is perfect or anything, though. I don’t hate it as much as basically everyone else does, but I think Ryukishi’s the sort of VN writer who really struggles with the shift to writing for an anime. I think a big part of the frustration people have is just from how this is formatted as a weekly anime series spread across basically an entire year, instead of being something like a stand-alone VN chapter that you can read at whatever pace you want, even if it ultimately takes the same amount of time to read as it would to watch all of Gou/Sotsu.

There’s also the whole issue of this being a sort-of-remake, which snowballed into a whole list of structural problems. They absolutely tried too hard to have their cake and eat it too, and they should have just committed to it being made for old fans only, instead of trying to sincerely incorporate elements from the VN that old fans don’t care about anymore because they’ve gone over it already.

And as I’ve said several times before, it was a major issue for them to decide to put Nekodamashi in the middle of Gou and then spend like 20 episodes on flashback answer arcs until finally getting back to that cliffhanger. I’ve been waiting until this all ended to decide exactly how I feel about that, and now that it’s all over I still think it was a really bad idea. I don’t think it was an issue for them to reveal that Satoko’s the culprit that early, but having the gun cliffhanger specifically happen that early just gave people misguided expectations and tainted the answer arcs because people were just impatient to get back to the cliffhanger. And then the cliffhanger itself ended up being somewhat anti-climactic, which is what I’d been fearing would happen. It would have worked fine if they shuffled it around so that the cliffhanger happened right before Kagurashi and was followed up in the very next episode, or if this was a VN where you could binge your way through the flashback stuff, but spending like half of an entire real-life year to get back to that point only to have the resolution be ‘Satoko just shoots Rika and the death loops keep going’ just didn’t really work properly.

I’m a lot more generous towards the Akashi arcs than most people are, since I think they really over-estimate how much re-used content there is there, but they still suffer from the central issue of the show trying to be accessible for new fans. It could have been heavily condensed otherwise, without losing anything in terms of Satoko’s whole character arc.

On the other hand I think the first half of Kagurashi was awful specifically because it highlighted how bad of an idea it was to put Nekodamashi so early in the story. They still ended up having to go back to that arc and repeat it anyway, in the most 1:1 recap-y way in the whole show, but that wouldn’t have even been an issue in the first place if that was instead the first time that arc happened in the show.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I would rearrange the story to make it flow better while still following Ryukishi’s intentions, and I think they could have condensed it into a 2-cour season with this sort of structure if they did something like this:

-First arc where Rika gets thrown back into the loop and quickly figures out that somebody intentionally caused this to happen, and it’s not Takano because at least in this idea of mine she’d try and investigate her only to find out that this version of Takano regrets everything and is planning to flee the village with Tomitake.

Basically I think this could tie into the idea of Satoko initially wanting to just concoct an idea world for Rika so that she won’t want to leave this time, but sort of like what I think happens in Saikoroshi, Rika would still reject it, and this time around there’d be the additional layer of her knowing that somebody did this to her for an unknown reason. Maybe they could even initially market it as a new adaptation or a remake of Saikoroshi, and then reveal that it’s a sequel, to keep that whole element to the series. Either way I think this would end with everything going to shit when Rika rejects that fragment and wants to go back to St. Lucia’s, and Satoko basically snaps and kills her, and that way the audience can find out about her being the culprit without Rika finding out about it yet.

Maybe there could even be some dramatic irony where Rika’s attempts to meddle with certain ‘trigger events’, and her displaying her looper side, inadvertently triggers people around her to get paranoid, and the whole fragment would start to spiral into tragedy from there. I think they could at least use the whole conflict in Tatariakashi about Teppei actually being good this time as a starting point for that sorta thing.

-Second arc, rounding out the first cour, which is basically just Satokowashi. I don’t think there’s much that you’d need to change here, but like I said above I like the idea of her initially trying to just invent a perfect world for Rika and her to live in, instead of jumping straight to murder. But maybe instead of her literally just watching Rika’s loops, she could instead just be stuck using her looping powers to try and figure out how to create that ‘perfect world’ in the first place, by personally investigating all of the different tragedies and how to prevent them.

-Staring the second cour, a third arc where we basically just get to see those loops Satoko goes through, and her whole process of solving the tragedies and ‘purifying’ characters like Teppei and Takano, until we eventually see her perspective on the first arc, and how she reacts to Rika ultimately rejecting the world she tried to make for her.

-A fourth and final arc which is basically just Nekodamashi + Kagurashi, where she just totally snaps and tries to just torture Rika into never wanting to leave the village again, and eventually Satoko gets exposed and they have their direct confrontation with each other.

With that sorta story structure, you’d keep all the relevant bits of Gou/Sotsu as it is now, while being more focused on Rika and Satoko instead of doing kinda half-assed reruns of the Rena and Shion arcs. It’d also push the big cliffhanger between them until near the end of the show, while still revealing to the audience relatively early on that Satoko’s the culprit.

I’d also like them to do more with Satoshi and Shion, so maybe like with how Teppei gets redeemed and Satoko almost gets to have a happy life with him in Tatariakashi, the central question arc of this hypothetical story could also involve Satoko making sure that Satoshi wakes up from his coma, and Shion also gets to have a good relationship with all of them. You could probably do something interesting with the idea of Satoshi and Shion being in the camp of not trusting Teppei and his whole redemption arc.

Honestly I could spend a long time talking about how I would have done things differently, lol. For one thing, I think the Akashi arcs would have been much better if they just changed it so that Satoko used psychological tactics to make people paranoid, and we completely cut out the whole syringe plot device. I get how it fits with Satoko’s whole certainty gimmick, but it made those arcs way too predictable. Even if we knew the outcome, it’d at least be entertaining to see exactly how Satoko might go out of her way to set up the different tragedies. We kinda got glimpses of that sorta plot point in Wataakashi when things seemed to go outside of her control, but they didn’t really do much with it.

Anyway, this is a whole lot of words to say that I think that in spite of the serious structural issues going on, I think Gou/Sotsu as a whole is fine, and was at least working with a lot of perfectly good ideas that could have been executed much better.

Also, on a side note, that one scene during their fist-fight at the start where the art-style changes a bit was kinda weird, but I really liked how it looked, and part of me almost wishes the whole show looked like that, lol. I like Akio Watanabe’s character designs, but I feel like that sort of stylized, almost TWEWY-ish art style would have been really fitting for this series, especially in the horror/action parts.

Oh, and the new rendition of You was so good it almost felt emotionally manipulative, lol.

[keilemlucent]

lavender latte: v

(T (for now!))

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

chapter 1   ||   chapter 2  ||   chapter 3   ||  chapter 4   ||  chapter 6  || 

word count: ~4k

coming to terms now, are we?

warnings: descriptions of medical settings, discussion of surgery and injury but nothing graphic, god fluff, nasty big fluff

——

wow. halfway through y’all. thank you to each and every ONE of you who have given this story a chance. enjoy some fluff and get ready for next week 👀 once again, beta-ed by the wuv @keiqos !!

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Exhaustion had long since clawed a hole in your skull. 

It was one of the many forms of malefactum that came from your fucking quirk, damn it to hell. The days following any sort of intense overstimulation episode of yours were always hellish. Constant fatigue, burning migraines, dry eyes, and confusion always waited for you by the time you rolled out whatever pushed you over the edge.

The villain attack was probably the worst episode you’d had, ever. 

The entire trip to the hospital had been sort of a nightmare. There were so many people that needed treatment after the attack, so many of them worse off than yourself. You were lucky enough to get into a dark hospital room fairly quickly, allowing some of your symptoms to dull. 

You were just coherent and aware enough to deal with everyone you needed to, paperwork and legalities of your visit sorted. You even managed to send a few texts to your parents and work groupchat to confirm that you were safe. 

After a myriad of late-night tests and exams, it was confirmed that the next morning, you’d have a procedure to mend your leg.

...

Fixing the internal damage to your leg caused by the tearing of the glass was a fairly quick affair, according to your kind-smiled surgeon.

“I know it seemed abrupt, to do it so quickly,” The surgeon stuffed her hands in the pocket of her scrubs. “But, we’ve flown in extra medical personnel to help deal with injuries from the attack and well, you’re an easy fix.”

You smiled, the best you could, groggy with the anesthetic, “I’m glad it isn’t too bad.”

“Nope! Not at all,” She laughed, far too pleasant for all the chaos just outside your dimly lit hospital room. “We’ll keep you here tonight, and you should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon. You’ll need to keep weight off of that leg for about three weeks. We’ll have a follow-up appointment then, and make sure you’re healing alright. Sound good?”

You nodded, some tension releasing from your chest.

The procedure left you with a heavy plastic boot, clasped up to your knee. Not to mention your body ached with fatigue. 

Most of the rest of that day was spent spinning in and out of sleep, only waking for basic checks and a delivery of flowers you received from the teashop’s owners complete with a passive-aggressive reminder that ‘this had nothing to do with us, you can’t sue <3.’

 Your constant company was Hawks’s scarlet feather. As you moved through the bends of your quirk and post-surgical recovery, you held onto it like a lifeline. With each stroke of the soft filaments, your heart rate monitor would beep slower and slower towards a relaxed rhythm. 

It made you think of him, and how he felt with your quirk activated. 

Despite how shitty the circumstances were, really feeling Keigo with your quirk was heavenly. Feeling him in general, physically was a fucking blessing. You spent a lot of time that night and first day at the hospital fantasizing about how the beat of his heart felt like amber drops on your tongue and orange-bound warmth in your chest.

You wanted more of it.

 Keigo stayed around to help deal with the mess, for once in his career. It was weird for him to spend the following day after the attack helping out on the scene. It was even weirder for the other Pros around that were aware of his reputation of simply not doing that.

It was out of character for him.

But, then again, Keigo hadn’t ever spent as much time at someplace he enjoyed like the teashop. Hell, the whole street. He’d patrolled plenty of areas for long stretches of time, but he’d never grown attached.

You were, obviously, a big part of that.

Seeing you hurt left him frazzled and fucked, and staying behind to help pick up the mess and provide aid made him feel a hell of a lot better. Sure, it was different, having local Pros look to him for guidance when he had to purely rely on his training from the Commission as opposed to his professional experience. He did well, he knew, especially based on the way the scene calmed even when he simply flew around.

Keigo had the power to bring people ease, even if he struggled with it himself. 

The idea made him think back to you, undoubtedly still in pain, but more than likely entirely fine. He ignored the urge to text you anxiously as he was still parsing over the very sweet interaction the two of you had, even if it was in such a bad circumstance. 

Your sweetness at the end was his constant reminder that you would be okay. 

The implication and Keigo’s knowledge post- ‘the miel incident,’ as he was calling it, was obvious, and god, he wanted to fucking drown in it. The thought of having you so close that he could hear your heartbeat and feel the drum of your voice against your chest made him weak. 

He was so fucking weak for you.

It was distracting, as it always was. It seemed fairly unavoidable especially as anxiety chewed at him. The one thing that lulled him was the far off feeling of the feather he had tucked in your hand. It had to be close to you still, the beat of your heart sending him shudders if he focused on it hard enough.

It became too much, thinking of you.

As his feathers swept piles of rubble, he pulled out his phone, the sun beginning to sink in the evening sky. 

 You had spent most of your recovery time in and out of consciousness, enjoying the time to rest and sleep. 

A short buzz from your phone forced you into a half-wakeful state. You reached to the table next to the hospital bed, grappling for your phone.

 [birdboy]: hey r u alive, 

[birdboy]: how r u feeling

[birdboy]: speak 2 me

 You cracked a sleepy smile. 

 [you]: alive, tired, surgery-ied. 

 You took a quick snap of your booted, propped up foot.

 [you]: getting discharged tomorrow babyyyy

[birdboy]: oh fuck what happened?

[birdboy]: u sure ur good

 The feather against your collarbone twitched, filaments waving. You thought little of it.

 [you]: i tore some shit in my leg

[you]: and yes, just tired as fuck and want to be home

[you]: hospitals SUCK

[birdboy]: true, true

[birdboy]: would u... 

[birdboy]: like a visit perhaps?

[you]: u sure??

[you]: i know ur busy and i dont wanna use up ur freetime

 There was a pause in Keigo’s nearly instant responses.

 [birdboy]: dove.

 Your breath stuttered in your chest. That was newer; you only remembered it vaguely from the . It felt far more intimate than just ‘angel,’ and it made you shiver as you read it.

 [birdboy]: busy schedule??

[birdboy]: i’ll make the time angel

[birdboy]: i’d love to come visit u

 You couldn’t help the smitten expression that burst across your face.

 [you]: and i’d love to see you

 You wished you could’ve continued the conversation, but your night nurse knocked to offer you pain medication and sedatives and you couldn’t say no to more rest. Your mind and body needed it. 

As quickly as it was administered, you were out again. 

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 You were exhausted. Still. 

When you heard voices just outside of your door, you couldn’t help cracking open your dry eyes. It seemed far too early for them to collect your vitals. The room was still dark, large windows only showing a trace of the dawn’s light stretching from the east.

Your sleep-addled mind stretched to listen:

“Thank you so much for the autograph! My son is such a huge fan of yours.”

“Oh, really! Tell him I say hi! I really adore my fans.”

Giggling.

“Is she a fan?”

“Sort of, more of a friend of mine.”

 He... said it again.

 A shaft of light sprayed into the room, your quirk firing at the sudden intrusion. You groan, pawing at your eye with your fist, the feather held between your fingers blocking some of the light.

Even with your diminished vision and tired mind, you still caught it when he laughed at your reaction, stepping into the room.

Honey, softness, cream and heat that made your chest thrum like embers.

“H-Hawks?” Your voice was still itchy with sleep. 

“That’s me.” His laugh rolled over you as your quirk receded, palms thrumming with the silkenness of his voice, “It’s good to see you, dove.”

“S’nice to see you too,” Your chest thrummed with his words and you couldn’t restrain the smile that spread across your face, “‘Ya know, you woke me up, just now.”

Hawks gave you a little chuckle, moseying his way to a chair nearby the bed and window, “Sorry about that. I had to sneak in here before official visiting hours so I didn’t cause a ‘scene’.”

You snorted. 

“You, causing a scene?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at him, “Hawks? Never. Not once.”

He stifled a laugh, dragging the thinly-padded chair closer to the bed and leaning back into it, “Glad to see you’re in good spirits, considering you’re still here and all.”

“From what I can tell, it could be a lot worse, especially compared to other people that were there,” The end of your sentence turned sullen, your expression darkening. 

Hawks let out a little sigh, “It wasn’t pretty, that’s for sure. But, you’re safe, and most folks are safe. Bright side.”

“Bright side.” You repeated, softer, looking up from the plain sheets to meet his gaze. 

You took him in, quickly. 

He looked a bit worse for wear, the exhaustion from the days before still visible on his features. The dark circles under his eyes almost looked worse, perhaps uncovered and deeper since the attack. His wings weren’t even visible from your angle, plucked too short and sparse to be of much use. 

But, Hawks was, undoubtedly, still stunning. 

It was almost distracting, how unavoidable mentally eating him up was. You’d felt what he was like during the attack and that had apparently broken some mental dam for you. Holding back just how much you liked him seemed futile, at least mentally. 

You would let yourself be honest, at least with yourself, as a treat. 

What probably also pushed you over the edge was the fact that he wasn’t in his hero uniform, for once. You’d only ever seen him in his tan and black get up before. Seeing him casually dressed was shocking and very hot.

Hawks wore a simple black long sleeve with a long, wool jacket over it, black jeans, nothing seemingly extravagant except for the nicer looking chunky sneakers he wore and the fat gold watch on his wrist. It was all designer, knowing his paycheck. Without all of his normal regalia, you could better see that his pierced ears carried some light yellow stones that played off his eyes.

His feathery golden waves were messy, falling over his forehead and temples. The curves and angles of his jaw looked accented by the rising dawn light that was just beginning to filter into the room. There was the smallest quirk in his plump lips, but it hardly detracted from how stunning he was. 

He was remarkably gorgeous, naturally, and you let yourself think about it freely.

 Keigo felt a bit bad, seeing you in your state. 

He tried to be subtle, looking you up and down, heart-thumping his chest as the feather in your hand-picked up your own pulse. It had sped up when he entered the room, even more so when you started to beam at him despite your state.

You looked like a bit of a mess, and with anyone else, Keigo might’ve indulged himself in being a little bit of sarcastic shit about it, but he didn’t with you. It didn’t seem right. 

Your booted foot was propped up, a hospital gown askew over your collarbones under some thin blankets you were nested underneath. Your dark circles could’ve been worse, but your eyes were shining and alert, all directed on him it made him ache all over in the best way.

 The feather twitched in your hand, your gaze darting to it. Heat spread across your cheeks. 

“Oh, uh, shit,” You stretched your arm to pass the feather back to him. “Here’s this back. Sorry, I’ve kinda been holding on to it... a lot.”

“It’s alright, that’s why I gave it to you,” Hawks assured you, the feather whisking from your hand on its own and back to the downy stubs that Hawks had left. “Just a little reminder that good ol’ Number Two is looking out for you.”

You hardly needed a reminder. Thoughts of Hawks had been filling your head since it had stopped from swirling from your quirk. The thought of him leaving a bit of him with you only warmed your insides. 

“How could I ever forget?” You leaned back into your pillows, releasing a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “Thank you, Hawks.”

Hawks blinked at you, reaching down to rustle something down by his feet, “For?”

“You know, saving my ass.”

“That’s my job, angel.”

“Still. You thank me every time I make you your drinks, right?” You shrugged at his wide-eyed expression. “Same principle. Except, your life isn’t on the line when I make you lattes.”

“Oh, angel,” Hawks drawled and deflected. “That is a false statement. I rely on those. They’re my lifeblood.”

A little realization dawned on you.

You gave him a sad little smile, rubbing your own knuckles for some semblance of comfort, “It’s gonna be a while until I can provide anything life-giving, then.”

The teashop was destroyed and who knew how long I’d be until they reopened. Not to mention that your leg was post opt and you couldn’t exactly work on it. 

Practicality aside, what saddened you most was that Hawks didn’t have much of a reason to see you without the shop. 

As much as you had feared it at the beginning of your friendship, you had gotten comfortable with Hawks’s presence in the shop and in your life. 

Too comfortable, and now it was biting you in the ass.

Thorns stabbed in your chest.

 Keigo noticed your slow-falling expression and frowned, “What’s on your mind?”

 “It’s nothing, just, uh...” You shook your head, blinking up at him,

Your voice cut off as your gaze refused to settle on him, Keigo clearly seeing your discomfort. 

“Without the teashop, you know...” Then, with that honesty that scared him, you finally met his eyes, gripping the sheets of your hospital bed, “I’m gonna miss seeing you.”

The principle made Keigo’s mind swirl.

You missing him.

His thoughts slipped back to ‘the miel incident’, and your mutual feelings that you very obviously didn’t fucking know about. If you did, he was sure you’d know that he would be missing you a lot without your normal interactions. 

This certainly wasn’t the setting to tell you, you were still stuck with an IV and probably somewhat traumatized by the event, even if you seemed in good spirits.

But, he could help assuage your fears. Subtly. Let himself use his honed arts to comfort rather than connive. 

“Dove, it’s alright,” He gave the softest smile he could, shreds of real vulnerability in it coaxed out by you without you even being aware of it. “Just because the teashop isn’t around right now doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you.”

The stunned expression on your face would’ve been cute if it didn’t make Keigo’s heart stutter painfully in his chest.

 “You... You do?” Your voice was so soft, you surprised yourself.

Hawks was a busy, busy man. Why the fuck would he bother with you? There was no cute coffee shop aesthetic in your foreseeable future. Maybe some decent drinks, but you wouldn’t be very mobile. You had some supplies and gear to make teas and some drinks at your apartment, but nothing as expansive as was destroyed at the shop. If it was flirty banter keeping him near, there were certainly other people he could go to for some natural chemistry, right?

He doesn’t need you.

Why the fuck would he bother with you, outside of what you could offer him?

“Dove,” Hawks’s voice shook you from your thoughts. “I’m here right now, aren’t I?”

“Uh,” You stuttered, mind catching up to the very obvious conclusion that, yes, Hawks does like having you around. “I guess, yeah.”

He frowned, leaning back in his chair as one of his smaller feathers whisked to your forehead, patting it a few times, “(Y/N), I like spending time with you. I care about you.”

Oh.

That was a little more vulnerability and truth than either of you expected.

Your eyes darted up to meet his, seeing a hint of unbearable fear before it was wiped away.

 You didn’t know it, but it was just you that pushed that fear off Keigo’s face.

He forced his shaking hands to be still, mouth drying after saying words that he wasn’t sure he was ready to say yet. God, they were true, but were they okay? For him, or you?

And then you gave him the gooiest, biggest smile you’d ever graced him with, “I care about you too, Hawks. Thank you.”

 It made both of your guts turn to mush.

In a stunned moment of silence, both of your breaths stuck in each of your throats. Neither of you could tear your gazes away from each other.

You both tightened your grip on your respective fabrics, your heart rate monitor beeping faster as you swallowed. 

Hawks opened his mouth, inhaling, but he was quickly interrupted by a knock on the door. A head poked in, the same nurse as before.

“Hey, sweetheart, we need to take your vitals quick,” She came in, waving to Hawks gleefully.

Hawks’s softened eyes were gone, you realized. Torn away from the moment and now speaking comfortably with the nurse as she checked what she needed to.

Your hands shook.

 Keigo noticed it, too, his own trembling as well. 

 The idle chat between Hawks and the nurse fell on your ears, though you didn’t process any of it. You were far too busy mentally coming to terms with the fact that Hawks cared about you. And, based on his tone and that familiar (but usually hidden) adoration in his eyes, it was a bit deeper than you expected and knew how to swallow.

You took a slow breath as the nurse left, Hawks waving with a wide smile plastered on his face.

When the door shut once more, there was a lull of silence that settled over the room. More early morning sunlight was beginning to slant into the room, throwing gold over the otherwise drab and lifeless greys and whites of the room.

The intense mood had been thoroughly interrupted by the nurse, but perhaps it was a hidden blessing. 

Both of you were terrified, but so deeply yearning. You both were a bit too raw. 

Maybe it would be better to let the fear fade, just a bit more. 

 “Oh, shit, I nearly forgot,” Hawks reached down next to him, pulling out a bag you hadn’t realized he had brought him. He set it on the edge of the bed. “I got you something.”

“Hawks.” You groaned, shaking your head and running your hands down your face. “You need to stop being so nice.”

“Can’t do that, (Y/N). I’ll be as nice as I want,” You could see that his grin was shit-eating through the space between your fingers. “Besides, you haven’t even looked at it yet.”

You took the bag into your lap, noticing the ruffles of tissue paper that puffed from the top. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” You told him, albeit still pulling the paper from the top to reveal a small, wrapped, fluffy object.

Hawks hummed, leaning forward to set his elbows on his knees, “You’re right. I didn’t have to. But, I wanted to.”

As carefully as you could, somewhat suspicious, you peeled back to the paper. 

Your eyes widened.

It was a plushie, round and soft with a filling that made it feel like a marshmallow in your arms. The design was familiar, a character from one of your favorite cartoons, but you’d never talked about it with Hawks.

“I figured you could use a little pick me up after all this,” Hawks tilted his head and winked. “Did I get the character right?”

Your mouth fell open, blinking, “How did you... know? That I liked this one?” 

“The little pins on your apron,” Hawks tapped his chest. “I figured you must be pretty fond of this one, since you had a couple of buttons for them, right?”

You wanted to give you a coherent, thankful statement to Hawks. Really, you did. Instead, you stared down at the doughy, round-eyed plushie. Maybe a few overwhelmed tears gathered in your eyes, which you promptly sucked down and shook your head.

“Thank you, really,” You rubbed at your eyes with the back of your hand. “But, fuck, Hawks—”

 For a moment, Keigo thought you were upset with him. Based on the slight contorting of your face, and the wetness in your eyes, his heart seized up. His fingers twitched from where they cupped his chin, wanting to shoot out and comfort you somehow. 

However, Keigo stayed put as you turned back towards him, plushie carefully gathered in your arms and hugged snugly and perfectly to your chest.

“You gotta stop being so fucking nice,” You sighed, pressing your face into the soft fabric of the gift. Your words were muffled, but Keigo heard each one perfectly. “I’m gonna start getting ideas, you know.”

Sure, Keigo could’ve pushed some of your buttons and fluffed himself up for some fun, flirty banter that would be undoubtedly lovely, but it wasn’t the time. You’d had a very long and tiring few days, and Keigo could see and imagine that you were in all sorts of disrepair.

Keigo stood slowly, moving just next to your bed where you turned your head upwards to look at him. Carefully, he placed a worn hand on your shoulder, feeling the small bit of bare skin exposed by the thin gown.

“Don’t worry about that right now, dove, okay?” Keigo let his voice go soft, quiet, and gentle as he could make it. Without thinking, he squeezed your shoulder, rubbing his thumb just under your collarbone.

It was too much, maybe. But neither of you would complain.

Keigo could see and feel the way you relaxed, eyes going half-lidded and leaning into his touch, even putting the slightest amount of your weight into it. 

It was probably the most precious and sweet gesture he’d ever experienced. 

He made it his goal to make more like it. 

(Anything to see you so instantly mushy.)

 “I saw a coffee machine when I was coming in,” Hawks voice was a hum, hand on your shoulder not moving. You didn’t want it to. The heat pressing against your skin made you melt. “Want me to grab us some? I know I need it.”

You managed to giggle, craning your neck to fully look up at Hawks. You swore you could see the slightest quiver in his bottom lip.

“I’d love some.”

“You sure you can stomach shitty coffee?” The thumb rubbed over your collarbone, Keigo’s pretty eyes searching your face, portraying far more than your words. “That’s my territory, angel.”

“I guess I’ll stoop to your taste,” You gave him a smirk like sweet lightning and tentatively, carefully, reached your hand up to wrap around his own, squeezing. “I take my coffee black.”

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