#and they disappear after 6 months? or maybe 6 weeks i can't really remember but its 6 whatevers from the day you got the points so

[friendly-neighborhood-hermit]

It's so crazy and awful that I, as an American citizen of the US, have to weigh my options of "go into work and get paid" or "call off and stay home because you aren't feeling 100%" and more often then not I'll choose to go in because it could mean my job is on the line if I call off, because corporate hates its employees more than 90% of the time- wait let me rephrase, corporate LOVES money, and doesn't care about its employees, so if you're not in work bringing in profit, your not seen as useful, they dont care if you're feeling ill

[leaderwon]

come back i still need you

paring : nonidol!jungwon x reader

warnings : character death, ANGST left and right, mentions of being depressed

word count : 1.5k

luna's diary : kinda shed a tear writing this

IT HAD BEEN, 3 weeks and 6 days, since you left him.

He was stuck in the endless loop of the 4th stage of grief. Depression, and was left wondering if he'll ever move forward to the next stage and accept your death.

Oh how cruel the world was. Taking away his lover and the plans for the future you guys had carefully planned.

You guys were walking on the street on the day it happened. Giggles filling the both of your bodies as a silver band of ring with a small diamond shined on your ring finger. He had just proposed to you, with promises of giving you everything he had to offer, of staying by your side until his last breath, to grow up even more and have little yous running around. Maybe you could get a dog and a cat and live in a beautiful home.

And then it happened.

He still remembers the way you shoved him to the side as a car came speeding towards you. Your yells still ringing in his ears from the past 3 weeks.

He remembers slowly walking to you trying to take in what just happened. In the corner of his eye he could see the once silver, shiny ring now covered in blood. Your blood. It was everywhere. He felt sick to his stomach. He cradled your face as he broke into sobs. "No no this can't be happening baby wake up" He called out for you as his sobs turned into a breakdown. He saw the light in your eyes slowly disappear. He saw the love of his life leave him, even though you were right there.

2 days later, it was your funeral. As everyone showed him sympathy and gave him hugs. He was still in denial. The first stage of grief. He couldn't even count the amount of times he heard "let me know if you need anything, Jungwon". He needed you back in his arms, but none of the people could give him that. There's no way you could have just left, right? What about the promises? The home? The dog and the cat? mini yous?

Few days later, he slowly slipped into the second stage of grief. Anger. He was mad at no one but himself. He should have been the one to die, not an angel like you. The car should have hit him. Not you. Or maybe he was mad at you too? why would you sacrifice yourself and leave him alone?

Then came in the third stage of grief. Bargain. He prayed and prayed that this would be a long painful nightmare. No way the world could have been so cruel on him. He was just 20 wanting to see life with you by his side, there's no way his fate was written like this.

After realising that this wasn't a dream, and you really were gone, entered the 4th stage of grief. Depression. He was an empty void as he laid on his bed all day leaving all his friends worried. He only got up to eat, which was very rare by the way. Leaving the texts his friends sent him on delivered, he read the last conversation you had with him. Where he mentioned the date and that he had a surprise for you and your excited text messages as a small smile crept on his lips. How he wished he never took you out.

Come back. He still needs you.

It was a new day as the sun shone through Jungwon's curtains. Today, was your one month anniversary, of you getting engaged and also since you left. Today was the worst of all days. It had been a month? no way. "i wish i could turn back time and change everything" he mumbled.

"Time" he jolted up as he remembered something you said about turning back time. Hope rushed through his eyes as he swiftly got out of his bad and rushed to take a shower and get ready. He could not believe he did not think of this sooner. Getting dressed, he rushed out of his home. Coming back taking the ring you once wore in his hands and heading to his car.

"I'm going to get you back, my love"

20 minutes later he reached your apartment. He did not have the courage to step into your apartment after your death. Opening the door he smelled your familiar scent for the first time in a month. Not wanting to waste time, he got in and rummaged through your belongings. "Where is it, god damn".

Finally spotting the shiny wooden box. He picked it up seeing a necklace with a tiny clock in it. Wearing it, he saw as it started to glow.

"How may I help you today?" a voice spoke out as he looked at a beautiful woman in front of him.

"Who must you be? you're not one of them" The voice continued referring to your blood line. "I'm Yang Jungwon, I lost my lover in a car accident, exactly a month ago from now"

"You wish to bring her back?" The voice questioned him. "Yes I need to please. She mentioned about this pendent to me a while back. You need to help me" He replied begging. "Jungwon, I'd suggest you move on. You'll lose yourself if anything goes downhill, and there are less number of chances of it going good and it going bad." The female figure said showing sympathy. "Please, miss. I don't have anything to lose anymore, she was my everything" He said breaking down into a sob.

Sighing, she touched the pendent on his colar. "What time do you want to go to?" she asked giving in. "Exactly a month ago" He said as the necklace started to glow again. "Goodluck, Jungwon" she said.

He was going to make sure you were alive. But at what cost?

In a blink of an eye, he was back. On the street, with you. "I honestly didn't expect you to do it today" Your voice said. Oh how he missed your voice, to see your face in front of him again and to hold his hand. He suddenly remembered why he was here as he became hyper-aware of his surroundings. He knew the car would be coming your way any second. Before he could think of changing your position, it was too late. The car was already coming towards you at an increasing pace. There was no way he could save the both of you.

So he did what he initially came back for.

He saved you.

Shoving your body to the side, he felt the car hit him as he lost consciousness. The last thing he saw was you standing and looking at him in utter shock. Atleast you were safe and alive.

"Jungwon? baby hey, wake up" you cradled his face and broke down into sobs, the same way he did, in another time line. You left a peck on his forehead as you left him there rushing to your apartment.

I'm not going to lose you Jungwon. Not like this.

You rummaged through your belongings, the same way he did. Wearing the pendent, you wished to go back 20 minutes from your present.

You were back with him, on the same street, holding his hand as you listened to him talk to you. You knew the time was near as you walked faster looking for a turn that could divert you form the path in which it was about to happen. Before you could find something, you heard the car's tire screech behind you. There was no way you could save the both of you.

So you did what you initially came for.

You saved him.

You shoved him to the side as the car came in contact with your body. The last thing you saw, was him. Atleast he was safe and alive.

He slowly walked to you trying to take in what just happened. In the corner of his eye he could see the once silver, shiny ring now covered in blood. Your blood. It was everywhere. He felt sick to his stomach. He cradled your face as he broke into sobs. "No no this can't be happening baby wake up" He called out for you as his sobs turned into a breakdown. He saw the light in your eyes slowly disappear. He saw the love of his life leave him, even though you were right there.

It was a new day as the sun shone through Jungwon's curtains. Today, was your one month anniversary, of you getting engaged and also since you left. Today was the worst of all days. It had been a month? no way. "i wish i could turn back time and change everything" he mumbled.

Fast forward to him wishing of going back to a month prior to save you. He managed to save you, but lost his life. Not being able to manage with the grief of him gone, you tried to save him. You managed to do so, but you lost yours in exchange. And this continued.

The woman was right afterall when she warned the two you.

Trying to save eachother, the both of you were stuck and lost yourselves in an endless time loop.

@leaderwon 2024. Do not copy, translate,alter or plagarize in any platform.

[tohisprettyc00l]

Heyy! Can you do a Hunter x Sabrina Spellman!reader but shes from the human realm & an incredibly powerful witch like shes super skilled in witchcraft, dark magic and etc.. & just really smart how he met her was bcz of Luz & she introduced the reader to the gang and she immediately knew that they weren't human so yea 😭 feel free to input any other ideas of you have in mind & take ur your time!~

A/n:I've never seen whatever show Sabrina is from and I couldn't find any clips so that part might be off sorry if so. Also I forgot about the x hunter until was too late I'm sorry.

You had been friends with Luz as long as you could remember. Her "odd" (as others would say) demeanor pulled you in. But one day she disappeared for months.

A weird defiantly not human version of her took her place. Everyone believed it to be her but you could tell it wasn't. Spending one summer at camp doesn't change you that much. And there was something else that you couldn't place your finger on but she definitely wasn't human.

But then Luz (the real Luz) returned. She was noticeably sadder but didn't want to talk, which you could respect. After a week of being back, she invites you to her house again. You realize that you've never been to her house before. So you agreed, it would be cool to see what her house looks like.

When you did come you discovered 6 other people. Her mom, which made sense, but there were five other children. Despite their looks, they weren't human. You could sense the magic in them. But you didn't want to mention it. They might not want you knowing or maybe Luz and her mom didn't know. Or worse, they were actually humans.

Lunch was nice. But you were having a hard time not mentioning it. But you can't think of one scenario were mentioning it ends well. Luz took notice of your strange behavior and pulled you aside to her room.

"Hey buddy ya doing okay?" She asked. If anyone would be okay with living with non-humans and not take offense to the notation they weren't human it would be Luz.

"Okay, so l don't take this the wrong way. But your friends are they... human?" God, you hope you are right. Because that would be a weird question to ask if you weren't. A look of shock spread across Luz's features.

Okay, so right direction! Probably.

"It's fine if they aren't!" You said quickly. "I just have really really strong feeling that won't go away." You waved your hands around frantically.  "Promise not to tell anyone?" Luz said. "Pinky.

She inhaled deeply. "Okay, so they are all witches and they needed a place to stay beside Vee who is a shapeshifter and took my place for a bit but basically my sister now." her voice thinned out at the end before she took a deep breath. "So that's why you were acting so weird."

Once you explained what you meant by that and grabbed a notebook and pencil you went back to the kitchen. After the initial wave, a shock from them wore off they all seemed surprisingly ready to answer your questions. Mainly Gus who seemed just as instred in human culture. 

You think you've made five new friends for life.

A/n: Ahh it's done! I lost motivation because I accidentally deleted it, I'm not too proud of it tho   :<. Hope it's okay still

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 48 - apple cutting

Did someone say anchor statement???

"I’d pick up travelling companions for a few days here and there, but for the most part I would spend weeks without speaking my own language." - As someone from East/Central Europe with a bunch of US friends I talked about this a lot and how it affects us. Like the US is huge, but in every state they will speak your language. In Europe I can drive 100 north, boom, Czech. 250 km to the south, boom, Slovenian. 300 km south, Italian. 300 km east, Hungarian. 300 km southeast, Serbocroatian… Only big brother Germany is convenient xD And trust me, there are so, sooo many people who really can't speak English in Europe. There was a study not long ago which claimed that Austria was the second best European country regarding being able to speak English (Number 1 was the Netherlands, if I remember correctly) and I was shocked, like "How bad is it in other countries then because Austrians are shit when it comes to English."

"Obviously, I couldn’t do another four months, but I figured that just the one would let me revisit my favorite spots in the south – Slovenia, Switzerland, Bavaria, Italy, maybe Monaco or bits of southern France." - Wow, wonderfully left out the obvious space of Austria there, I'm heartbroken (jk, I know Austria gets full attention in two statements).

Somehow, now hearing a British person talking about travel in Italy I can't think of anything other than James May, our man in Italy! XD

Last year for vacation I was in Italy in September as well. It's really perfect, school has started again so you're off-season and the weather is still super warm or even hot.

"He was pale, scrawny almost, and looked utterly out of place. His loose, bright shirt was in stark contrast to his long, black hair." - Gerry!

"He was staring at me with an air of concentration. Like he was trying to read something written very small on my forehead." - Hahahaha, I imagine him squinting at Andrea Nuniz with a puzzled look on his face XD

"what he wanted was to have a nice holiday in peace. He said it in a really accusatory way, like I was ruining his holiday somehow, and I said so. He sighed and said that he wasn’t in the business of helping strays" - very subtle static there. Also I just wanna say that I love Gerry. Good-hearted characters are often described as Golden Retrievers, which doesn't really fit him very well, so I'd say he's that stray dog that pretends they don't care but is actually really friendly and kind.

"Was I married? Did I have a fiance, partner, friends? I told him no, not really. I was just about sick of his stupid questions, but he sounded oddly desperate. Siblings? No." - Desperately scrambling for an anchor to save that poor traveller's life.

"Mother? Of course I had a mother." - lol

"As I left, I heard him call after me, telling me to remember my mother, to keep her face in my mind." - anchor, anchor, anchor!

"My first move was to try and locate that street market he’d mentioned. Perhaps it wasn’t just hidden away, perhaps it had been actually illegal, and he’d gotten caught up in something he shouldn’t have." - Well good idea going to look for him on your own, I guess?…

"My first move was to try and locate that street market he’d mentioned. Perhaps it wasn’t just hidden away, perhaps it had been actually illegal, and he’d gotten caught up in something he shouldn’t have." - Good job, Jon!

"She’s been doing her work with the same diligence as before the Prentiss incident" - I think it's hilarious that the Not!Them had to work an office job for about 6 to 7 months XD

Oh yes, ending with a wonderful scene about evidence of Jon getting more and more unhinged. Great comedy! On my first listen I really didn't expect Elias to be the big bad at this point, just a normal corporate asshole. I actually thought Martin was kinda sus, disappearing into the tunnel during the Prentiss attack, finding Gertrude's body, the letter to his mother etc. Not in a bad way sus, I just thought he would definitely be more involved than it seems.

He was a lot more involved in the end

[the-firebird69]

There's a lot of senile people here I mean they seem to be really out to lunch all the time is mom and dad walked around a little like that but they're getting harassed these people are just out they're out to lunch and have stupid comments and they think like little kids I got to go up and say something dumb you know I remember you for being a piece of s*** and it's really not what people usually try and do.

So tell me f is pretty much finished he shot at our son three times and nobody ever shot at him in history his whole life he's he's doomed and Trump is too for any weapon at him just like his brother left his brother was out of here that's why I actually he did it at Otis and disappeared very soon after and when I actually tolerating it Tommy has been killed many times and so is Trump and idiots bring them back and it's the empire and they're going to lose and he should be gone and you're suffering because they're not and usually you guys vote to get rid of people who do that I guess he didn't really get into it with the weapon

-there are a few things other than this happening they're invasion is postponed they're stinking up Georgia and they're stinking up Alabama with a whole bunch of s*** and it's coming out the rivers and it's flowing into the Gulf and it is going to actually grow algae hey back in the day it used to heavy cities on the shore and it would stink like hell for a few days then it would grow algae and tons of it and it would beat up the poop real quick it was cyclical and the spring will take a little bit and then it would start up now it's spring and it is cooler and elsewhere and it's going to start growing and it'll be oxygen everywhere and there will be more here as a result right now it's starting to crank on the coast up to North Carolina there are huge plumes of algae a gigantic and they're getting bigger. That's one thing the other is all that stuff is blowing out it's high tide it's blowing out the sea rapidly and it is massive literally a huge huge plumes of the muck I'm blowing out there right now and the surface is going at 30% she can't tell and pretty soon it's going to be clear and clear of the month and it will be much nicer here smell better he said he smelled salt Air and it was very very low tide last night about six or seven feet down and the saltwater came in cleaned everything up and it's going to keep happening and there's seaweed and algae on the shore finally it's a good sign it's still about 2 ft of it only about 50 feet out and it's about 2 ft to 6 foot up for a while about 80 ft and then it goes down to about one foot and and there's 120 ft wide good at 80 ft wide it's clear so that's going to be gone in just a few days it's going to blow out and the rest of the world start blowing out there barrier and things are better and they figured out who if these clones and they're going to take a beating very soon Tommy f is going to be out his ship will be out and people are tired of him doing illegal surgeries and kidnapping people constantly and blaming everybody Trump too he's doing that and he's going to be killed Monaco went very well it's 9:00 p.m. there now and it's Saturday it still goes on but it's not as big as Friday 9:00 p.m. there's small parties and supposedly the pseudo empire

-there's a lot of trouble happening fairly soon we think that they're going to have the invasion possibly tonight but late if they do it tonight and then if they don't it will be maybe even Sunday afternoon like Washington and if it's not Sunday afternoon probably early this week coming A lot of people are waiting for it and think that it will happen for sure even that time frame but they can't stay there for long Georgia and Alabama and there are other waves growing that's the thing too and there's actually way too many troops building up to just attack Florida and the empire has figured it out and they're amassing at the border as well. I have quite a facility up there in Clinton army part of the Blue hills is mind out up north and their building the water goes underneath it and it will reduce the amount of water coming here it'll be more normal towards June july. It's an attack it's going up to like 6.5% right now the evacuation of the morlock is right now the population is at 19% 4% are prepping and 2% are planning on leaving I will leave only 14% more lock here including sudo empire but they are going to their posts but the morlock are leaving to come back it's similar but not the same but we don't count them as citizens if they're going to the rings and bases and yeah they're an American basis in the South and California in other parts of the West Coast our son says they look the same and sound the same like Tim Doyle. Duhhhhh and they both sound like it. They really do and I heard it a lot while I was there and I thought what are we going to talk about and my husband says duh and if you translate it from Thanos original language it means you feeling the lines in the planks and we'll talk about it from what we remember you said about it. So I'm laughing Hera says because that's exactly what he's saying sort of sometimes. Sometimes it's a bit more clever wants to try and get information.

-in further news on the battles in the Massachusetts are increasing and they're trying to get to the bank seven professional scans on that particular Bank of Rockland in westborough and Lyman and they found that there was anomalies and oddness below and it's tough to stand from an oblique angle some have real powerful scanners and got them close enough and yeah they can see something it's about 80 miles down there's tunnels there and it is what appears to be a key so people are going nuts and they want to get up there and use the money as an excuse

-there's a few other things happening we are approaching March and our son might start to growing and we don't have the money from Bank of Boston which is Bank of Rockland they say that's the first installment from social security that he saved and put it in the bank and he didn't really use it so that's the kind of money it is he really didn't use the money that he got only a teeny bit of it and came back but not much so it's a new code so we're going to publish

Thor Freya

Olympus

Hahaha are you making me stupid by being next door he's saying to Dave and I hear him saying yes I know I didn't use the money I put it in the bank I guess people didn't get it and some people didn't have a hard time and he found out and it was David did the work

Trump

[the-force-is-grumpy]

I feel like I have to shout into the void. I don't think anyone personally knows me on this account so I shouldn't scare anyone.

I am still living with my ex, keep finding out after our relationship has ended the different times he cheated on me (up to 7 times now). I lost my temper yesterday and yelled at him. Big fight. He lit a gift I gave him on fire after. Outside at least.

I feel like I have to hide away now, and at least I have my own room. But my job ends in December and I won't have the money for this lease. I'm moving out in January, but our sublet backed out today.

My ex owes me $1000 and said I won't get it if I snap even one more time. I literally don't know how I'll survive without that money if this room doesn't get sublet. If I do it will be by selling everything valuable I own, probably driving for Lyft again if I even still legally can, so on. I can probably logistically find a way in the short term, but I'm legally bound $1300 a month to this place until July. I can probably only do one month unless a job falls out if they sky from my hundreds of applications over the last 6 months. It's not looking good. 100,000 layoffs in my industry in a month.

I am at my wits end. I'm splintering. I have headaches daily and a migraine last week that put me completely out of commission and nearly in the ER. My chronic illness is bad again, in daily pain getting worse. My temper didn't hardly exist until a year or two ago. Only ever around my brother as a kid. Now I'm just a nightmare. I can't handle any of this anymore. I just want to escape permanently. I can't stand to be out of my room so I'm avoiding meals. My dog is upset because I don't let him around the house to play because I'm scared my ex might decide to hurt him (probably irrational but I just can't risk it, he's the only thing I have keeping me alive).

I have this shot at rebuilding my life at the end of January. But I feel like making it there is maybe not even going to happen anymore. I just think maybe I'm better off dead at this point. Just leave my dog with my parents where he'll be happy and taken care of, and finally end it all. If I wasn't scared about my dog's life away from my parents I'd probably already be dead. Actually I know I would. I'm bringing him with me at Christmas to my parents house. I'm supposed to be there until new years eve. But maybe it's better if I just don't ever see 2023. I don't think I can recover from this. I'm not myself anymore. I'm just sad and angry and lost. I don't think I'll make it anymore. It's been too many years too much.

This relationship was the final straw. Someone I thought was so good and so loving just also is really horrible to the people closest to him and because of his mental illness he doesn't even remember it. So he never changes. I had to give up my whole life, 3.5 years and thousands of dollars to find that out. If I couldn't figure out the red flags then it's not like I can ever get it right. I always fuck it up. Can't choose a good partner to save my life. Literally I suppose at this point.

If I survive new Year's it's cowardice. It's really over at this point. I'll say one last goodbye to everyone and disappear finally. Most people won't probably notice for a long time. Just have to figure out how to leave whatever money I have left to my friends that helped me with the plan to move. I feel terrible that I can't make it there. But they'd be better off without me there. I'd just be a financial and emotional drain. I love them, and all my friends so much. And my little cousin, and my mom. And my dog. I just don't think it's worth it for me to still be here, I'm just too much of a mess to be worthy of their friendship anymore. I fucked up too bad this time. There's no coming back.

I really hope no one I know sees this blog. I don't think anyone does. But if you do know me, just leave it. I'm really not worth the trouble. I'm not who I used to be.

[penwieldingdreamer]

Ho'ohuli Na'au - Close to Heart

CW: hostage situation, gun violence, canon violence

1

"Come on guys, I know you don't really like history and 6:30 is too early for you, but Ms. Jones is sick and asked me to take you over to Pearl Harbor." Karen spoke as the school bus made its way to Ford Island.

Two weeks she had been on O'ahu now and there was no sign of her one night stand. It felt like he disappeared or maybe he wasn't even there anymore. She tried searching the web, but finding a guy with only a fraction of his name was a bit harder, especially being so drunk that she forgot it. The only thing she remembered from that night were his eyes, the feel of his hands on her body and that his name started with an S.

Sighing, she scribbled in Ms. Jones' notes, going over what she was supposed to say. The brunette wasn't a teacher by any means but as the only history teacher assigned to the school wasn't available the principal thought it was a good idea to put her on the trip as supervisor.

"Ms. Bishop?" One of the girls, Clara, in the back called, making her turn around to the class. "Is this trip going to be the whole day or just this morning?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Karen smiled. "From the info sheet I got for the trip it's going to take all morning but I promise you guys we can take some time at lunch, I talked with Principal Michaels."

"So that means we got half a day off from school!" Justin called, raising his first and his friends joining in with a whoop, thinking they'd get a free pass for the day.

"Guys. Guys!" Calling over the commotion to get their attention, Karen held up her hands to stop their celebration. "You still need to write a paper on the trip, so please stay calm and be on your best behavior. This is my first time, so don't make me mess it up."

All the students smiled at her before Justin leaned up in his seat again. "You'll do great Ms. B, you're cooler than Ms. Jones, we get to see the Bowfin and talk about military stuff."

"Great, can't wait to hear what she'll have to say about that." the brunette grumbled, sarcasm lacing her words as she looked down at her phone making sure the times and tickets were correct. "Once we're at Pearl Harbor I want you guys to get into pairs, need to keep you together. We'll start off with the Visitor Center, move on to the Missouri and finally the USS Bowfin, Submarine Museum and Park. I know Ms. Jones already went to the USS Arizona Memorial with you last month and she didn't put this on your plan but I thought as I'm new here we'd do it that way."

The class gave another whoop and Karen smiled, wanting to get something out of it, too.

"So, that's why we got the early start? Cool!" Reggie, one of Justin's friends called, earning a chuckle from everyone, even the bus driver.

Sweat was running down his forehead as he walked across the grounds of the Pearl Harbor National Memorial. No one had found the weapon on him, having concealed the small bag in a bush near the walkway to the USS Bowfin, everything going according to plan.

He would make them listen to him.

After all those years he'd make them listen.

Every man of the Emery family was part of the Navy and Corbyn Emery was going to be a sailor, too, one way or another. He had trained with his father since he was a kid, wanted to be part of the SEALs but all they told him was to get lost and get a real job. That he wasn’t cut from the right material to be part of the SPECOPs force of the Navy.

But today he would show them all what a perfect soldier and sailor he was. Corbyn watched the students and their teacher flock aboard the submarine, a sinister smile lifting the corners of his mouth.

He concealed the gun in the waistband of his jeans under his shirt and made his way to follow the group. No better time than the present.

“All right, gather round guys.” the brunette called to her students holding her hands up for them to follow her. “We’re on the USS Bowfin, a submarine of the United States Navy. Do you guys know anything about it?”

The kids stayed silent, either not knowing what to say or too shy because their friends would call them nerds. Karen smiled knowing being a teenager wasn’t easy, so she was going to put them out of their misery and continue with the lecture when suddenly a man in his late thirties stepped up to their group.

“The USS Bowfin is a submarine of the Balao-Class. This class of submarines was used during World War II and with 120 boats completed the largest class in the US Navy. The Bowfin was launched on 7 December 1942 by Mrs. Jane Gawne, she was the wife of Captain James Gawne and commissioned on 1 May 1943.” Corbyn was happy to brag about his knowledge of Navy history, none was more of a nerd regarding warfare and its history.

Karen watched the blond man with a soft smile. He was tall and kind of handsome, but definitely not her stranger with an S. "Uhm, thank you sir. Are you part of the personnel of the Park? I wasn't sure if there was going to be a guide."

"Oh, well I'm Corbyn. Normally I'm not doing any tours, but if you want I can be your guide for the USS Bowfin, I know my way around that shop better than other sailors." The blond grinned, saluting the group and stepping around them to wait at the entrance steps leading down into the hull of the submarine.

His plan was moving along splendidly. Corbyn was going to call for a ransom for the hostages. Parents wouldn't want their kids to be harmed, so he'd get whatever he wanted and that was very easy: He'd want the Navy to compensate for all the years he had sacrificed to become a sailor, just like his father and his grandfather who died on the Arizona along with many others. They had ridiculed him wherever he went for not being good enough to even make a cut to part of the Navy.

"Are you okay, Mister?" one of the girls asked him, her eyes curiously seizing him up as he turned back to the group once everyone was aboard the Bowfin. "You look a bit sick."

Lifting one corner of his lips, Corbyn shook his head and gave her a slight push to move along. "I'm fine, it's just very hot outside."

Not really believing him but letting it slide for now, the girl with the blond curls joined the rest of the group while Karen waited for him to take the lead. "I wanted to thank you for showing us around. It's probably a hassle keeping a group like this together and entertained."

"Nah, it's fine. I like showing off my naval history skills to the younger generation. It's a family business you could say." His eyes glinted dangerously as he put his hand on her lower back, leading her along to the important parts of the sub. She'd see soon enough what a hassle they could be.

"Now we're in the main part of the Bowfin, this is the communications and control room. The sub was home to ten officers and around seventy enlisted. They were the ones handling the ship under the sea and being sent out to intel missions and sometimes having to fight against the bad guys. Even today the subs are the most important warships of the Navy."

The kids and the brunette sat around on the chairs having been allowed to by Corbyn, listening to all he was telling about the attack on Pearl Harbor and Naval Warfare History.

"But my dad said that today the submarines are mostly used for gathering intel and not shooting at other ships." Justin spoke up, a small frown on his face as he remembered what his father told him.

Corbyn growled when he listened to the boy. "Well, you shouldn't always listen to what others tell you, especially if they don't know what they're talking about." He ground out and Karen could see his jaw muscles working.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Justin got up from his seat. "My dad is a commander in the Navy, he knows what he's talking about."

"Shut up, buddy, or I'll make you." The blond walked closer to him and everyone could feel the tension get worse by the second.

The brunette stood up and held her hands up, turning her eyes to look at their guide who was sweating more than he should and she could see his hands twitching to reach to his back. "Come on, I think we should all calm down. Corbyn, I bet Justin didn't mean it like that, he's just a kid."

In the blink of an eye his arm was around Karen's neck and the kids let out a scream, now afraid of the man holding a gun to their substitute teacher's head. "You're right Ms Bishop, we should all stay calm and no one gets hurt." He whispered into her ear, his hot breath making her nauseous. "I'm going to make them all listen to me. None of them really know what it's really like to be in the Navy, they made a mistake by making my life a joke."

"Danny, give me the rundown." Steve called when he came onto the scene. It felt like yesterday since he had this kind of situation at Pearl, only the last time it was a ship, not a submarine.

The blond detective opened up the video surveillance on a tablet, showing his partner what was happening on the Bowfin. They could see a blond guy holding on tight to a brunette woman, the students huddled next to the control panels in that room. "His name's Corbyn Emery. Family history states they were all enlisted in the Navy. Everyone but him."

Steve's forehead crinkled as he heard that. "So he's taken hostages because he didn't make the cut?"

"Guess he was pretty pissed, tried it in fifteen different cities, none would let him enlist. Hostages are students from Kukui High and their teacher, Ms. Bishop."

Nodding his head he moved back to his van with Danny hot at his heels. "So what's the plan? Running in guns blazing? Or try to talk him out of it?"

"This guy is unstable, one wrong move and he'll be not just holding that gun. I need a blueprint of the sub." The leader of Five-0 answered, opening the back of his truck to get out what he needed. Taking a deep breath he was going through a plan of attack, they needed to keep a clear head. "Is there any way of communication? Has he called about a ransom?"

"Actually he had a radio, don't know where he got that but he called the guys at the front desk of the visitors center." The Jersey detective shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched his partner gather every weapon and spare he'd need. "Guess it was the same way he got the gun in. Kono's on her way to the parents and Chin is walking the perimeters, looking for something to give us a clue."

"Commander McGarrett!" A HPD officer called him, holding up the computer phone they set up for the case. "It's the suspect, he wants to talk to the leader."

"I'm on it." Steve walked over and took the phone from the officer before he answered. "This is Commander Steve McGarrett of Five-0, am I talking to Corbyn Emery?"

They watched him on the tablet as he made his call, still holding on tight to the woman. "Ah yeah, heard about that task force you're running. Must be nice to play the hero every day. I trained to be a hero, too, but all you people did was mock me."

"Okay Corbyn, listen to me." The Navy veteran started, earning an eye roll from his partner, because Danny knew he'd go all super SEAL on the suspect. "I know that with your family's history it's not fair to not get a chance to follow your father's footsteps, but maybe I can arrange something if you let the kids and their teacher go."

Raising his eyebrows at Steve, the Jersey detective shook his head, asking a silent 'What the hell' when he listened to him talking to Emery.

Heavy breathing sounded on the line as both part of Five-0 and the HPD watched him turn around towards the camera and clicked the safety off of the gun and his finger hovered over the trigger. "Is this a joke to you, Commander? The lives of all of them are in your hands and you decide to mock me."

Everyone stayed silent, not sure what to say or do as they watched him with bated breath, praying to every god and deity out there that for the moment he'd not pull that trigger.

Tears made their way down the woman's face as she trembled in his grip, hoping that this wasn't her last moment on earth. She looked up and Steve felt his breath catch even more. There was something familiar about her that he couldn't place at the moment but he saw a fight return to her, as if she felt him watching.

“I’m not joking around Emery. I need you to let the kids and the woman go, let me talk to you instead.” He tried to reason with the man, hoping that somehow he’d turn back and come out without much resistance.

Shaking his head, Corbyn held on tighter to the phone. “You think I’m going to let my leverage go? You want to play the hero, then show you are one.”

“Please, get the kids out! You need to get the kids out of here!” the woman cried, desperation coloring her words as she fought against his grip before the line went dead. Steve and Danny watched as the hostage-taker hit her in the side of her head with the butt of his gun, making her stumble back against the computer panel of the control room.

Chin had come back and joined them, sending a questioning glance towards his boss and partner. "What are we going to do?"

“I’m going in and make sure he’s not going to make good on his threat.” Steve said, refastening his vest and taking one last controlling look at his weapons. “You wait for the hostages, I want them out as soon as possible.”

Snorting Danny looked his friend and partner up and down. “You really wanna play the hero? That guy is as unstable as they get and all because they wouldn’t let him enlist? It’s crazy going in there.”

“Was there a question somewhere or just you stringing your words again?” He eyed the detective, earning another chuckle from Chin, who watched his friends bemused. “I want this over with before the end of the day, one way or another this guy isn’t going to harm anyone anymore.”

"Ms. Bishop?" Justin's hand hovered over her shoulder, afraid to hurt her even more.

Grimacing, Karen pulled herself up a bit to sit back against the panel. "I'm fine, guys. Just stay where you are."

Corbyn moved around like a tiger in a cage, his fingers running through his hair as watched the group huddled together. "If you'd just shut up, nothing would have happened."

"The police are going to get us out. And you're going to jail." The dark blond boy called, eyes blazing as he saw the blood on her forehead. Karen pulled him down into her arms, hoping it wouldn't antagonize Corbyn more than it already had.

The blond stopped in front of them, steadily pointing his gun at their heads. "I don't mind hurting kids that don't know when to shut up, so you better stay silent from now on."

"Leave them alone, they're just kids." She blinked, feeling the droplets of blood run down over her eye, Corbyn Emery's dark gaze settling on her, making her swallow hard.

He was about to retort, safety clicked off again, when a loud bang sounded on the closed steel door.

"Corbyn Emery! Five-0, open up!"

The deep voice called and Karen sighed in relief, feeling that all was going to be fine soon. Corbyn turned around, his gun trained on the door, knowing the task force would breach soon enough.

"Come on, McGarrett! Show me what you got!" He called, reaching down to pull Justin up and held his gun against the boy's neck.

When the door was thrown open, everyone let out a cry of surprise, the kids sniffling as Karen pushed herself back on the ground. "It's gonna be fine, they're here to help." She whispered, trying to keep her voice calm and strong, while on the inside she was freaking out.

"Drop the gun, Corbyn, there's no need to hurt anybody." Steve called, his stance closed off the way he had been trained to do. "Don't make it worse than it already is."

The blond held on tightly as he felt Justin's shoulder twitch. "Oh no, buddy, you'll stay right here." He grinned at the Commander and looked over his shoulder, seeing no one else behind him. "You came alone? You must be very confident about taking me on."

"Oh I am." His eyes moved around the small space, making sure that everyone was unharmed before they fell on Karen, blood running down the side of her face but otherwise she was fine. Nudging his head at her, she answered his silent question with a nod.

Turning back to Corbyn, Steve took a step closer to him, gun trained at his head. "I'm telling you again, drop the gun."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll drop you." The Navy veteran looked at Justin, giving him a silent signal with a barely there nudge of his head and thankfully the boy understood what he meant. In the fraction of a second, Steve pulled the trigger on his gun and the bullet lodged itself in Corbyn's leg. He lost his grip on the gun he brought to the submarine.

A howl sounded throughout the control room and Karen saw Justin sprint towards the task force leader, standing behind him and watching the scene with wide eyes. “You good, buddy?”

“Yes, sir.” the young boy responded, looking up at him.

Nodding his head, Steve put one hand on his shoulder while the other still trained his gun on the blond. “Get through the door, buddy. My team’s waiting there for you guys.”

Justin left after he saw his substitute teacher nod at him and the commander moved forward, pushing the fallen gun away with his foot. He leaned down and turned him over after he holstered his own firearm, keeping a knee on his lower back. Taking a zip tie Steve grabbed Corbyn’s arms and pulled them together. “Corbyn Emery, you’re arrested. Once you’re out of here you can plan how you want to decorate your six by eight cell in Halawa.”

Grunting, the blond turned his head to look at Steve. “I would have never done that, if they’d just given me a chance to prove myself. I would have been the best sailor the Navy could have seen, no one could have matched me.”

“You know, the way I see it, you should have just stuck with the job your dad arranged for you. Now all they can do is visit you in jail.”

Hauling him up, the leader of Five-0 pushed him through the entrance to the control room, glad that Danny and Chin were already waiting to take the scum bag away from him before he lost himself and shot him in the other leg, too. “Book ‘em, Danno.”

Nodding, the Jersey detective left the scene and Steve turned back to the rest of the freed hostages. “You guys doing okay?”

The kids shyly watched him before they turned to Karen, who nodded her head. He could see her wince at the movement and walked closer, holding his hand out. With the situation under control again he finally had the chance to take a better look at her, that familiar feeling washing over him again.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” the brunette finally asked when he helped her up to stand. “I have a feeling that we’ve seen each other before.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Steve raised his hands indicating the kids to get up as well. “I’m not sure, we’ve probably seen each other around. It’s not that big of an island I guess.”

“Probably.” she answered hesitantly, not sure what more to say. “I’m just glad you got us out of here, so thank you.”

Smiling, he nodded his head at her. “You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job and I’m happy to save the day, ma’am.”

“Protect and serve, right?” She grinned and held her hand out for him to shake. “Still I’m thanking you and please don’t call me ma’am, the name’s Karen.”

@fortheloveoffanfic

Dividers @firefly-graphics

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things- Repeating History

Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Brief mentions of murder and alcohol. Canon typical violence.

A/N: this takes place during season 3 episode 11, birthright. i had a lot of fun studying this episode and making it my own. i have changed certain dialogue and who says what for the sake of the story. please enjoy!

The Purest Things Masterlist

(my gif! please credit if you use.)

january 2008

Syd Moore said, “Disregard for the past will never do us any good. Without it we cannot know truly who we are.”

+++++

Your alarm is often hushed before it even has an opportunity to set off nowadays because you usually wake up before it even has the chance.

4:25 A.M.

You groan and toss your pillow over your face. Maybe, just maybe, you can will yourself to sleep for a little longer. As if someone heard your pleas for slumber, your phone starts buzzing on your bedside table. Of course, it is unnecessary for you even to read the messages. There is a case.

+++++

"Last night in Fredericksburg, a 20-year-old woman, Molly McCarthy, was abducted," J.J. begins, "She's the third to go missing in the last 6 weeks. All disappeared from public places. No one's seen them since until now. A couple days ago, body parts with cigarette burns were recovered from a national park that was once the site of the battle of Chancellorsville."

"Were they able to make an I.D.?" you and Hotch ask simultaneously. Your eyes meet, but he breaks the contact abruptly. Flustered and insecure, you bury your focus deep into the file in front of you. The group discusses the case for a couple of minutes, but you are so concentrated on the papers that you hardly absorb any information they've shared.

There is something familiar about this case to you. Suddenly, realization strikes.

Rejoining the discussions, you say, "I remember reading about a case like this in Spotsylvania county. Similar markings on the bone. It was the winter of 1980, also in Fredericksburg. There were 5 women aged 16 to 24. They were buried in pieces."

"Same markings. Same civil war battlefield," J.J. responds in agreement.

The team agrees that this could be the works of the same killer. There are aspects of the more recent killings that would be impossible to copycat since those details had never been released to the public. But, if this is the same unsub, what's he been doing for the past 27 years?

+++++

Hotch focuses on the road while you watch out the window of the passenger seat. Occasionally, you sneak the odd peek at him. His stoicism is alluring, and you find yourself drawn to this demeanor like a moth to a flame. Piecing together the tiny glimpses you've collected thus far as if working on a mental puzzle, you scrutinize his attributes. His eyes bare the beginnings of crow's feet. Only his sideburns tease the speckling of salt and pepper undertones. His lips turn downwards at the corners, no doubt from years of scowling at unsubs.

Reid speaks up from behind you both and breaks your train of thought. Probably for the better, there's no reason why you should examine your unit chief so intently.

"It's funny--he always dumps the bodies in this battlefield, no matter what the risk."

"It's a respected landmark. He's flaunting," Aaron reckons.

"It makes him feel important," you say in agreement.  

Once you have arrived at the crime scene, you follow Agent Hotchner closely. Reid trails ahead, most likely trying to keep up with his own train of thought.

"How does someone not see or hear them?" You ask the sheriff.

He turns to you with a defeated expression, "It was dark. He had the advantage. Molly's boyfriend was the last person to see her. He said she was alone for a minute, maybe less."

Hotch surveys the surroundings, "He's patient and works fast."

"He's perfected his M.O.," Reid states while looking around.

You cross your arms as a wave of unease gets the best of you as you envision the moments leading to Molly's attack.

"If our unsub's pushing 60, he's gotta be strong enough to carry her a long way without her struggling," you bring out.

Hotch looks to you with a concerned squint. You shake your head, signaling to him that it's nothing you can't get under control. He nods in response. The sheriff agrees to point out the various entrances to the park.

"I'll catch up with you," your Unit Chief states. He motions for you to step aside with him, and you comply.

"You know, ever since my wife and I had our son, I dread receiving cases involving children," he discloses to you.

Tears well up in your eyes, "I can't even imagine, but sir, why are you telling me this?"

"This job will inevitably strike close to home on some cases more than others. It's okay for you to feel overwhelmed by it all every once and a while," he assures you.

"You never lose it, though."

He sighs heavily, "Maybe I should have."

Shortly before you joined the BAU, Hotch's wife Haley left with their son Jack. You never ask questions or stick your nose where it doesn't belong. It isn't your place, and you can't blame him for not wanting to bring his family struggles to work. He deals with enough broken families on the job as it is. Mixing his own personal life into the field would only make it more challenging to prioritize. Despite all this, you cannot help but wonder what exactly led to his and his wife's separation. You hope that they can find their way back to each other. The crimes you investigate do not need to claim the Hotchner's as victims as well.

+++++

"I'll let you talk to Chrissy Wilkenson," Hotch directs you towards the kitchen. You wipe your sweaty palms against the fabric of your pants and make your way into the kitchen, Hotch following closely behind you.

"Mrs. Wilkenson," you say gently, "My name is Y/F/N. I have just a few questions about your husband. Where does Charlie usually go when he's stressed?"

"The barn," she stutters. You can tell she's anxious and afraid for the well-being of her family.

"Anywhere else, Chrissy?"

Hotch is called into the other room, and you continue questioning Chrissy. She's becoming overwhelmed, so you guide her to the dining room.

"I know this is difficult, Chrissy."

"Did the father of my child really do that to those poor women?" She cradles her baby bump.

Your heart breaks for her, and you choose to remain silent. Sometimes saying nothing speaks louder than words.

Footsteps bound throughout the house, and Hotch appears in the doorway, "The sheriff will stay here with Mrs. Wilkenson. We need you with us."

Standing up from your chair, you place your hand atop Chrissy's, "History doesn't have to repeat itself." It is almost as if she could tell you were reading her thoughts. The endless whispers that cloud her mind making her feel like she's left with only one choice, but there's always another option. That is all you are trying to remind her of.

+++++

As you and your team trek through the forest, you see a clearing.

"Hotch, this way," you beckon him to pursue your course.

Suddenly, a gunshot rings out, and you stop in your tracks. You make eye contact with Hotch and mirror each other's actions, dashing towards the opening in the trees. Your heart pounds in rhythm with your footsteps colliding against the ground. It is clear to you from your exchange with Chrissy at the house that the origin of the gunshot will shock everyone but yourself. As you reach the clearing and rush down the hill, your speculation is validated.

Chrissy Wilkenson is standing over the body of her husband, the unsub. A traumatized young man haunted by his father's past and plagued by the idea that children are trapped in the endless cycles created by their parents.

I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Jesus. Now is not the time for that.

The newly widowed woman claims self-defense, yet the cops handcuff her anyways. Inside, you feel conflicted while watching her get into the back of the squad car.

Hotch appears by your side but remains silent. Again, sometimes silence speaks louder than words. You bit your lip, attempting to hide the fact that it is trembling.

"What did you say to her as you were leaving the dining room?"

"I told her that history does not have to repeat itself. I wanted her to know that even when it feels like you are backed into a corner, there is always another way out. Sometimes people don't know where to look for their out thought," you quiver.

He lightly touches your arm and gives you a reassuring tilt of the head, "Just know that you did everything you could. We will never do this job perfectly. Doing the right thing usually costs more than it pays. You did your part.  I'm not a saint, and I am far from a hero, but I have integrity and honor, and I do this job to the best of my ability."

"If you can leave a case with a clear conscience," he continues, "you know you did the best you could. Any other thought process will eat away at you slowly but surely, and ultimately, it will result in the demise of your career and destruction of yourself."

+++++

After a seemingly neverending day, you all arrive back at Quantico.

"I could really go for a drink, guys. What do you say? Newbie's buying," you wave your wallet around frivolously.

"I could go for 5 drinks!" Prentiss exclaims.

"Count me in," Morgan winks at you. He never fails to make you blush.

Reid hesitates and you pout your bottom lip, "Please Reid! How could you not want a repeat of Dolly Parton night last month?"

Hotch comes down the stairs, "Dolly Parton night? Do I want to know?"

You and Derek snicker to each other as Spencer attempts to diffuse his own embarassment.

"9 to 5 is an iconic female anthem that certainly has a rather bewitching affect on a man when mixed with alcohol."

"You only drank Diet Coke that night," you roll your eyes at him.

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Hotch forcing his way through the small group formed around the desks.

Making your way over to him, you invite him to join, "Want a beer?" You second guess yourself, but it seems as though his rather stern expression softens ever so slightly when he pivots on his heels to look at you.

"I would like that," he answers softly.

He immediately returns to his original path and hovers near the glass doors. You casually make your way over to him, joined by Dave and Emily. A man barges in through the glass doors announcing Aaron's name.

"Agent Hotchner?"

"Yes," the subject in question breaths out almost defeatedly.  

The yellow package he holds in his hands is all too familiar and instantly churns your stomach into knots. You gnaw at your bottom lip, drawing a metallic taste that causes you to cringe.

"What is it?" Emily speaks up.

There's no question as to what it is. Oh Hotch. I’m so sorry.

Hotch's eyes trace the package from corner to corner in disbelief, "Haley's filing for divorce. I've been served."

When he eventually takes his eyes off of the lettering, his eyes meet yours. They lock onto you and it is in that moment that you feel as though you have been given the key to unlock his soul. His eyes are so unusual at this moment; they are more vulnerable than you have ever seen. The stoic man is gone, and instead, it is the eyes of one who is in tremendous pain. You had mistaken his bloodshot eyes for physical fatigue on the plane, but now you see that it is emotional exhaustion as well.

If only you knew how badly I want to hug you and tell you that you won't be swallowed up by this darkness. There's a long road ahead, but you have so many people here who love you and are here to support you through this. You aren't alone. Trust me, I know.

In some way, you pray that he can read into your soul and see the pain you feel for him. Once more, your shared silence proves to speak for itself.  

At last, he breaks eye contact with you and finally releases the breath that you had been holding in. Dave grabs onto your arm, seeing the clear impact Hotch's news has on you, no doubt having also noticed Hotch's immediate response in looking at you.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can join you tonight," he excuses himself and escapes to the seclusion of his office.

Maybe history does have a way of repeating itself.

Tag List:

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[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Second Letter

----------------

To: Yoon Jeonghan

From: Y/N

Dear Jeonghan,

I hope everything's going well with you, wherever you are. I'm writing you a letter without knowing where you are so even if I did ever decide to send this letter, I wouldn't know where to mail it.

Are you doing well? Why don't you call me? Contact me somehow? Why don't you say something to me? Don't you have anything you want to say to me? Oh right, you don't have my number. I don't know any of your social media accounts and you don't know any of mine. I can search on Facebook for you, through a thousand different “Yoon Jeonghan” profiles, but what would be the point?

Actually, I'm angry with you. I'm really angry and I'm a bit heartbroken too because you just took my heart and left.

Why didn't you tell me beforehand?

I waited for you to return. I spent the rest of my freshman year waiting and I even waited through my summer break, hoping that maybe you'd come back or send a letter. School starts in a month and you still aren't here. I don't know what I feel toward you anymore because you're gone. Do I love you since I'm angry at you like this?

From the first day we met, I could tell we didn't match. I don't even know why you pursued me. You joined the basketball team and whenever you had games, you wanted me to come to watch. I didn't know why so I refused the first few games.

We had many classes together, you know that. Did you use the advantage of being in the same classes as me to try to get to know me? What were your intentions when you asked me if I had lunch? Why did you always ask my friends if I was eating well?

I have so many questions I'm dying to ask now that you're gone. One day you were laughing, joking with me while I watched you practice basketball and the next day you suddenly disappeared. One day of absence turned into months, then half a year. I didn't want to ask but I was dying to know.

Then, the answer finally came.

You moved?

Why didn't you tell me anything?

I thought we were developing something special, was that only me? I thought that you liked me, that's why you did so many things to me, making my heart race and pound. Am I wrong?

If I am wrong, why did you do it?

Maybe I'm completely getting the wrong idea and the sudden move wasn't your fault. I bet that it wasn't your fault. I'm just angry that you didn't inform me. Not everyone moves houses in one day, it takes a lot of planning, doesn't it?

Now I'm just left here, confused.

Now I'm just left here, reminiscing about my second love that disappeared. I'm still remembering the first day we met when you bumped into me at the stairs and held me to keep me from falling backward.

Jeonghan, just, where did you go?

I know this message will never reach you anyway, anyhow, so I'll tell you this much.

Because of you, I changed. Hanging out around a mischievous guy like you made me pick up your habits. Before I knew it, I was playing small pranks on my dad and enjoying it, just like when you and I teamed up to prank the gym teacher into thinking that he had sat on a freshly painted bench. I can still remember how long I laughed because of it.

I still have the pen that you forgot when you were here to study with me. My father constantly asks me where you are and I always reply that I don't know because I don't know.

You came by twice every week for three months because you wanted me to tutor you. I don't know if I became a sheep to you but even though I knew you were gifted intelligent, I tutored you anyway. Jeonghan, you were one of those people who didn't need to study to ace a test. Even your methods of trickery are intelligent.

So as I reminisce, I also wonder why you would do something like that if you didn't like me. You were the one who told me that all men act like this, wanting to be around someone, making up excuses to stay close, and doing things they won't normally do if they like someone. Was that all a trick, Jeonghan?

Not only did you study with me but you studied the times that my dad was gone and came by when he wasn't here. You were respectful toward my dad and kind too, so I wondered how you could have such a naughty nature but at the same time be so caring.

It was one of those days when my dad went to work that you came over. Look, I was so confused that's why I kept stuttering. I knew that you weren't supposed to be at my house at that time of night so we stayed on the porch, gazing at the fallen sky. What were you thinking about? You stared for a long time and didn't say a word. It was the middle of winter too and you came by with your hands tucked in your puffy black jacket with your nose cutely red. You remember this night, don't you? If you don't, I'd go even more nuts than I did.

Why did you kiss me that night?

I mean, we weren't even talking, just gazing at the sky where stars were barely visible. Then all of a sudden, you said, “Look at me.”

I turned to you and then all of a sudden, you kissed me. I honestly didn't expect to get a kiss this early in my life and for it to be from you, the second love who disappeared, I can't be any more disappointed.

Jeonghan, the thief.

Your lips were cold at first but then they grew warm. I'm also sorry if I didn't know how to kiss. I just went with the flow and followed the way your thin lips moved against mine. Your hand also touched my neck as you kissed me, I could still feel the warmth of it lingering on my skin.

After you left that night after kissing me quietly, making my heart burn in the cold night, you stroked my hair. I ran inside my room and rolled on my bed, wanting to scream on my bedsheets because my lips have finally been pressed against another man. A boy that I liked at that.

How about you?

Do you think about that night at all?

It was about two days before you moved away.

Strangely, the next days, you continued to talk to me as if you didn't kiss me the days before. I was confused but since I was naive, I just believed that's how it went for everybody.

Also, because of that kiss, I began to notice your gaze. Maybe I could have noticed something in those two days before your departure. I just remember seeing you gazing at me with different eyes. I want to believe that you had fallen for me, but because of you, I'm being delusional like this.

The only way to know is when you finally decide to speak it true somewhere and it reaches me.

In this letter to you, I just can't help expressing the emotions I'm feeling. I have nowhere else to rant and I need you to know about my feelings though you'll never receive this letter.

Gosh, writing this letter makes me remember the weekend that you took me biking on a couple bicycle. Why did you ask me to go with you when you were leaving the next day? It's not like you at all. Knowing you for those short six months, you would have just told me with a pitiful face, “I'm going to move.”

Instead, you kissed me and decided to take me biking. I can still remember that grin on your face when you came to my house and said, “Hop on, Y/N.”

The wind that hit my face that day was amazing and my heart was racing just to have my hands around your waist.

Because of you, I became rebellious for the first time. I never disobeyed my father. He told me to go buy groceries that day and I went on a bike ride with you, enjoying the chilly winter breeze and ditching groceries. When we arrived at the basketball court, I watched and played a bit of basketball with you. Do you know what that means, Jeonghan?

Were you aware this whole time of my feelings? I know you can read other people's expressions well.

I can't understand you, Jeonghan. I don't think I ever will unless you come back and tell me.

I won't believe what any of your friends say even if it's the only source I have. ‘You moved away because a different high school was giving you bigger opportunities’, how am I supposed to believe that? In the middle of the school year?

Now, all I can do is sigh.

I won't wait for you anymore. That's why I'm just going to leave it. I loved you. Now, you're just one of the boys I've loved. I'm not going to spend the rest of my summer waiting to find a needle in a haystack.

I'll remember how I loved you. I'll remember how you changed me. I'll remember how loving you changed me.

I'll wonder sometimes about what we could have been if you didn't leave. If you didn't leave, I think I would have still been in love with you. Now, I'm pretty sure I would still be in love with you, at least for a little longer.

Please, send me a letter.

I know the chances are low.

I'm still angry at you for not telling me. If you did like me and think you did it for our own good, you're wrong. At least I wouldn't have had to wait and worry for the weeks that you disappeared that your life's clock stopped ticking. If you did tell me beforehand, I would have known that you'd be fine and that you were just moving away.

Did you have no faith in us?

Or did you really find a better opportunity in a better high school somewhere far away?

I'm still angry.

Is this what you call ‘the one that got away’?

Anyway, I don't love you now, but if you come back, I might again. I can't make up my mind.

I miss you, Jeonghan.

Sincerely,

Y/N

-------------------

© serenityseventeen

6/18/21 - 9:51 pm

a/n: SEVENTEEN back on Instagram?? Seungcheol, Minghao, Vernon, Joshua, and Seungkwan posted today/yesterday. I didn't even notice WOOZI changed his profile picture. Also, I find Seungkwan and Seungcheol so funny...

SC: you are my escape

SK: you are my s.coups

But yay? Seventeen is back on Instagram!

[chronicalchaos]

Wick modern AU: Explained +Some fun facts

Uhm, i was gonna wait until i finish this AU's synopsis and new book cover, but both will be taking a while until they get ready...

And i wanted to post this "overview" for a while now, anyways, here's some fun facts and a summary of the story:

Old book cover:

I'm really proud of Sam's shading, but the twins look weird and Tom looks old...I won't use this cover, 'cus Travis and Duncan are main characters as well and i want to include them on the cover. +My art style changed!

Story summary:

Just a quick thing! I changed quite a few things to fit the narrative and the modern days setting, i hope you understand!

The story of this AU happens in September 2014, a little less than a month until Sam’s birthday, where the Weavers aren't dead– Well, most of them aren't...

The narrative is centered on a curse, that was based on the audio that plays when you pick up Benny's bible, where 7 people are affected by it: Tim, Tom, John, Sam, John's brother/Sam's dad(I won't name him), Mary and James.

Sam's, Travis' and Duncan's side of the story will be more on the investigative side maybe with a bit of comedy(I'm not good with writing that, so it will most likely be just investigation), while Tim and Tom's side will be the more angst and unusual/horror side. Sam will have a bit of horror as well, since he's linked with them by the curse, but the twins will definitely have the spotlight when it comes to horror/unusual stuff.

Fun Facts:

General:

The story happens a week, maybe a bit more, after summer break

Even tho one of the first chapters is set on school, them going to school will probably just be mentioned or implied, Example: Them leaving a school bus

For some reason, i saw a few stories where everyone knew what polio is and how it works, which i felt it wouldn't be realistic, so that won't happen here

It has a lot of paranormal stuff

The summer camp by the Weaver's property is closed and has been like that for a few years now

Just Mary and James call the twins Changelings, the rest of the city knows there are "changelings" walking around, just, not that the twins are them

There's no changelings, they think there is, but in reality it's just a curse(like that's something lighter than a demon switched with a child at birth)

The song that helps me get in the mood of this story when I'm writing is "Far too young to die" by Panic! At the disco

Timas Weaver:

Tim is 12, he'll be 13 in...approximately 3 months

He was born December 30th 2001 and is the oldest between him and Tom

He's almost an inch shorter than Tom

He has a huge burn scar! It goes from a bit more than half of his chest, both his arms, his palms and his whole neck, he got that scar when he was 3 years old

He's does not have asthma, but he does have extreme pyrophobia on it's place

He has flat affect, his face doesn't match his emotions/he looks serious most of the time(I'm so sorry if I don't portrait it right! Please give me constructive criticism if I do something wrong here!)

He's a theater kid and would be quoting a lot of musicals if Mary didn't isolate him and Tom from the world(The theater part only exists because of his and Tom's masks)

The whittling thing exists here, but like, it won't be of much importance to the story, the knife will! But not the whittle part

He despises spiders and it's Tom's fault!

He climbs trees (there's not much I can say here to be honest)

He has this...i don't know if you can call it a quirk, but, he tends to tilt his head to the left, it's kinda random

He's ambidextrous, was left handed, but Mary forced him to learn to use his right hand

He teached himself how to throw knifes...don't mess with him

Paranoia!

Needs therapy

Tomathy Weaver:

Tom is 12 and will be 13 in approximately 3 months

He was born December 30th 2001 and is the youngest between him and Tim

He's almost an inch taller than Tim

He doesn't have Polio now, he did when he was...around 5 years old

His left leg is bigger than his right one, his right feet reaches his left ankle

His left ankle is paralyzed, that's why he uses a leg brace

He's claustrophobic, he developed that on the same day Tim got his scar and pyrophobia

He won first place on a spelling bee before he got Polio and he used to spell when he got anxious, but after John's disappearence he started shuddering, shaking and cracking his joints instead, very similar to how he shudders on the game

He loves spiders!

He is really flexible, but, because of his polio, he can't play around with it anymore

He likes to draw

He has pretty bad scoliosis

Paranoia #2!

Socially awkward baby

Went to therapy when little, needs to go back

Caleb Weaver:

Caleb is 9 years old

He was born August 19th 2005

He's almost the same height as Timas

He was a year old when Tom had polio

He's actually James' kid, not John's

He won first place in 2014's(the year the story happens) county track meet

He dislikes Tim

Lillian Weaver:

Lillian is 5 years old

She was born February 28th 2009

She's a bit tall for her age

She's notorious for making little deals between her and her siblings, like helping them get away with something in exchange of something(getting her out of class during their recess, buying a new plushy, etc.)

She's a really curious and affectionate kid, loves hugs, kisses and especially being picked on someone's lap

She loves bunnies(even tho this isn't a surprise)

Benjamin Weaver:

Benjamin is 14 years old and will be 15 in less then a month

He was born October 24th 1999

He's just really tall compared to the twins (it's kinda funny, Tim and Tom are 4 years older than Caleb, but they are just an inch taller than him)

He's really religious and prays a lot for his siblings' health and safety

He's been trying to take care of Tom after John's disappearence, since Mary doesn't do it, much the opposite, she hides Tom's medicines on purpose

Mary Weaver:

I didn't give her neither an age nor a birthday...i probably need to do that

She had an affair with James, when the twins were 4 and Benny was 6, Caleb was born from this affair

She doesn't hit any of her kids, but she does neglect most of them

On the nights between Saturday and Sunday, she doesn't sleep, she spends this time praying with a candle, then, before they go to church, she writes everything that happened that night on her diary

She has a lot of diaries, she keeps them in the attic

She's a little bitch(i don't know what else to say about her)

Pastor James McAlroy:

James also doesn't have an age nor birthday (i only have the Weaver kids and Sam's birthdays)

He won't appear much, but he does have a big role on the story

He's Caleb's biological dad(i mentioned that like 3 times already)

He tried doing a "honest-to-god exorcism" on the twins, it was just a cover for an attempt of murder

He's a toxic little shit(there's not much I can say about him)

Samuel Burton:

Sam is 12 years old and will be 13 in less than a month

He was born in October 2nd 2001

Him and Travis are Brothers on their mom's part

He's cousin with the Weavers, minus Caleb, they just don't know each other

He can be just as smug as Travis sometimes

He absolutely hates going on ghost hunting, he thinks it's dumb

He has long hair and freckles all over his body

He's just too lazy to tie his own shoes

He's the only one that remembers to bring a backpack when ghost hunting

While Travis is the camera man, he's the flashlight guy

Travis Burton:

Travis is 15 years old and i don't have a birthday for him, well, he would be born in 1999 just like Benny

He doesn't like wearing glasses, but doesn't have other choice, he either doesn't take proper care of his lenses and gets his eyes irritated or he just lost them

He's the face of his and Duncan's channel

He tries to drag Sam to be part of the channel, but he doesn't really want to be part of it

He cusses way too much

He's brave, only because he goes face first into danger without thinking

Duncan:

Duncan is 15 and would also be born in 1999

Big ass coward, sends Travis and Sam to go investigate on his place every fucking time

Entitled as fuck

The "brain" behind his and Travis' channel

He's suspiciously good on researching, he'll find the most unexpected things about you

He's a little shit as well

...i think that's it! Now i can go continue the first chapter and maybe finish it soon

[agirlneedsgoals]

State of the Me

We're just gonna cut this...

I sort of ran out of meds. I know, look. Sometimes my executive dysfunction isn't just dysfunction, it's actually just an empty space with [program code goes here] in it. The worse I feel, the harder it is to get it back. And once I ran out of the nerve meds, I was in actual agony for a while, so.

But I fixed it. After I ran out of one of the heart meds. I didn't know what to do! CVS kept telling me I have copays on my meds (which I don't) but I was switched to a new insurance as of October...but they never sent me a card...I don't know who to call...I tried looking in my account with the state and it said I didn't have an account so. I just kind of stalled there for a bit.

Anyway, CVS somehow had two insurances listed and one was not mine. I made them take it off and my copays disappeared because whether I have new insurance or not, CVS uses my account number from the state, so that never changed. Nobody wants to go into town today so I'll get them tomorrow.

I've been cooking more! Well, I still make my mom sous chef for me. But I've been doing actual cookery lately. I really, really, REALLY miss cooking. Remember when I used to throw off big cakes for birthdays or send cookies out for Christmas or host dinner parties? They honestly seem like a dream now. I get so overwhelmed. It's stupid.

My brain is not a well place right now. I can hardscrabble for some kind of balance sometimes but then I trip and I fall into bad thoughts and feelings. It's deep and dark sometimes. Idk what to do about that, either. I'm not looking to harm myself so I guess I can just drown here for a while.

Still can't sleep. 2 hours max at a time, if that. Last night, I didn't get to sleep until 6 am this morning.

This week, I made wilted spinach salad with goat cheese, hazelnuts, and dried cherries on Sunday and blueberry chicken salad (the key to chicken salad is only use Greek yogurt, NO MAYONNAISE, Christ) on Monday. I accidentally napped until 7 pm last night so mom made the stew. I don't use a recipe for stew but I had left a list of ingredients for it and she used that. Without finding a recipe even! I was so proud.

Tonight is cashew chicken. No, not that cashew chicken. This one has roasted chicken with a cashew butter "sauce" that's way too thick to be a sauce, then you toast it under a broiler. I think I first made it in culinary school. Tomorrow is gonna be pork butadon. It was supposed to be pork belly but Sam's Club betrayed me so I'm subbing pork loin.

I've been watching The Witcher on repeat. I'm getting bitched at over it. Look, when my brain has no brain left to give, I do nothing but comfort and right now that's a choice between The Witcher or Forensic Files and Witcher had such lovely angst this last season so fuck off. 😊

I bought leg warmers. I'm partial to capri leggings but there is snow so what do? Leg warmers. I only got the one pair in black because I wasn't sure I'd like the texture of the knit but now I need like 10 pairs in all the colors.

I've been writing. Not really writing. Like typing out tiny pieces of things that could be fanfic if I ever finished them. I have started 10 different pieces. None of them are even close to being finished, most of them are fragmented. Was it always this hard? It's been SO LONG, jfc.

Writing my own stuff? 😂😂😂 No. I don't have access to that in my brain. Can't feel it at all. No Dizzy and zombies, no Faith and monsters, no Vianne and demons. Sads. But I would like to finish at least a little short fanfic maybe???

Let's see, good things, good things. I'm going to visit friends down in the Valley at the end of the month. That will be nice. I miss people.

[sunshinesukuna]

friend activity

pairing: midorima shintarou x reader

wc: 1.2k 

genre: flangst

insp: 12:45 (Stripped) — Etham

summary: he’s always looking out for you in the most unexpected ways, even when he won’t admit it himself.

an: tb to that one time i was listening to some music on spotify and i... accidentally?? (🤡🤡🤡) saw my friend listening to a playlist her ex made??? lo and behold they walked into class the next day holding hands??? even tho my friends told her like a thousand times that he was toxic af? 🤡🤡🤡🤡 

Midorima opens the familiar green app on his phone and puts his earbuds in. His lucky item of the day. Debussy and Chopin have always done great jobs when he was anxious. The piano’s sweet melody fills his ears as he leans back in his chair. He takes a long breath. Another. Midorima scratches his head. 

The yellow light above is reflected on the frame of the photo that he took last Christmas. It was near the huge Christmas tree in the middle of town that you had begged him to see all December.

The same place where the two of you had just had your first big argument. In public, nonetheless.

He takes off his earbuds. The sheer force of his nails scratches his earlobes a little. Midorima runs his hands over his face, his glasses pushed up to rest atop his leaf green hair. No matter how many times he tries to console himself, the image of your tear-streaked face refuses to leave his mind. 

The thrumming of the rain outside does little to extinguish the dread in his gut. It only amplifies as he opens his phone, a picture of you in the rain as his wallpaper. 

"Cancers need to have a photo of their loved ones in the rain, nanodayo!" he had argued. Anyone that had tuned into Oha Asa that morning would have known that Cancers would have needed golden buttons instead. But you let Midorima have the benefit of the doubt.

Midorima has never been a man of apologies. All the problems around him would seem to just work themselves out without any interference. The last time he verbally, directly, apologized would be in second grade. Would this be another one? His foot shakes from where it hangs on his thigh. It is rhythmic, unlike his brain patterns as he tries to figure out how to jump this hurdle.

Music floods back into his ears again as he opens Spotify, this time on his laptop. The cursor lingers between “Claire de Lune” and “Air on the G String”. But his eyes have found something more interesting.

There is only one person under his “Friend Activity.” The same profile picture you use for Instagram and other social media platforms smiles up at him from the screen. The audio symbol next to your profile shows that you’re listening to music too. 

“dried teardrops 🌚” is the name of the playlist you’re playing right now. A playlist, he remembers you telling him, you only turn on when you feel the absolute worst. 

Midorima scrambles to his phone that is charging on his nightstand. He almost trips over the soft carpet as he curses himself in his mind. Carefully bandaged fingers skid along the phone's surface.

Are you ok? 

Midorima throws his phone on the bed. You’re online. Typing comes up briefly on the screen before it dissipates and is replaced by a smaller grey seen. The green bubble next to your profile disappears, signalling your inactivity.

He puts his hands on his hips and runs his fingers through his hair. It's only 9 o'clock. If he runs to your house now, you would probably just be getting ready for bed.

Had the two of you been getting along just fine, maybe you'd finish the day off with a facetime of him doing paperwork in silence, only broken when you switch apps to go back to TikTok. He would catch a brief glimpse of you laughing, and the world would turn as normal. Ok, maybe he does miss you. But only a little bit.

You haven't stopped listening to the music. The only thing that's changed is the song you're listening to. You stay on the same playlist. 

Midorima glances at the clock, then back at the profile on his laptop. With a sigh, he laces up his shoes and heads out the door. 

There's a small park near your house that's empty at this time of the night. The children at play are tucked happily in their beds. As you should be. The orange varsity jacket clad figure on the swing tells him otherwise. His varsity jacket, he notes.

The sand crunches under the footsteps behind you. The tinkle of the chains on the swing betrays your attempt to be as quiet as possible. No sudden movements, you tell yourself. Your keys are in your hand, the claw ready to deploy. You stand up a little from your seat on the swing, waiting for your moment to take off. Your other hand tugs the jacket closer to your form. 

“I’m not going to kill you, nanodayo,” a familiar voice chides. The hand holding the keys refuses to go back into your pocket. His green hair is invisible in the dark, but you would recognize his baritone from anywhere. You hastily wipe away the snot on your nose.

"How did you know I was here?" you ask. Midorima takes a step forward. He gulps, rather audibly.

"There's only one place you go to when you cry," he says. You sit back down in the swing. He moves to sit on the swing, miniscule against his hulking 6 feet and 5 inches, but he makes do. 

Your hand grips the chain holding the swing up. Midorima sighs before extending an arm. Soft bandaged fingers brush the tips of your knuckles on the chain. Before you know it, his warm chest is right in front of you, a knit grey sweater you gave him on his birthday a few months ago now becoming a makeshift handkerchief. 

He makes no movement to push you away. How could he? After pushing you on the ropes even though you were just looking out for him? The only thing left to do, Midorima concludes, is to hold you tighter. 

And so he does. Arms hardened by years of chucking basketballs in the air now gently caress your smaller ones. Eye bags under green pupils that check you up and down, making sure you're okay. Brittle fingers trained to perfection by four years of surgical residency now wipe the tears off your face as he somehow, someway, tries to make things right again. 

When you've run out of tears and stopped hyperventilating, you scoot a  little farther from Midorima. At arm's length, you can finally see him in all his late-night glory. 

"I never told you I was crying, Shintarou," you manage, each word punctuated with a soft sniffle. You burrow closer into his tall frame and hide your face away from the world's scrutinizing eyes.

"You were listening to your crying playlist, dummy," he says. It's good that you're not looking straight into his eyes, lest you see the pink hue on his cheeks. Maybe he even pulls you closer to him to hide it even more. You giggle at your boyfriend's unexpected attentiveness. 

Midorima pulls you away from him. You whimper a bit at the loss of warmth, but are instantly placated at him tugging your jacket tighter around you. A long arm finds its home around your waist. "Now come on. We have outpatients to see tomorrow. Can't have a drowsy doctor at work, nanodayo."

He never really says the words "I'm sorry" or something along the lines, but the basket labelled This week's lucky items for you in his doctor's handwriting on your desk the next morning does most of the talking for him, anyways. 

a/n: do y'all like the header 🌚🌚

sometimes you can choose not to be a dick

[cherry-ber]

Too drunk to fuck pt.9

Previous | Part one

Whatever that text was supposed to mean, you didn't care. You purposely ignored and avoided Mark the whole week, and after a few ignored messages, he gave up, and seemed to understand what you were probably thinking, every day Jaemin walked you home -because then you'd spend more time together than if he drove, he said- after a day in school with your new friends, and every day promised to be better than the last one. Friday came sooner than expected, and you got up earlier to dress extra special, tonight's dinner with Jaemin and your parents, although excited, made you incredibly anxious. So many things could go wrong.

When the classes were over, Jaemin was waiting for you outside of your classroom, holding your hand and giving you a sweet kiss as soon as he saw you. He carried your bag as you walked to his car, before you were home for dinner, he figured it would be nice to have a real first date, not a risky late night trip or an awkward meeting with your parents. He'd never done that, dating had never been important for him, he was too busy, and too invested with his deals and his friends, no time for girls and feelings at all, but he did a great job at planning, though. He took you to a museum, fair enough, you had to go as an assignment from Art class, but when you asked him to be your museum date, he was absolutely into it, then he took you to an ice cream parlor, a cute one, with the prettiest walls and decorations, and the best ice cream you've ever had. He took you flower picking, and to a park with lots of dogs being walked, and finally back home, just in time for you to be earlier than your parents. He greeted them politely, and your father was happy to see him again. Jaemin looked as handsome as he always did, but putting on his good boy persona, he looked softer and nicer than he usually did. His hair was pushed back, and he was wearing a light, baby blue sweater, that matched your baby blue, princess dress, your mom wasted no time mentioning how cute it was that you wore matching outfits, although it was actually a big casualty you did.

They had many, too many, questions for him. How you two met, how long you'd been friends, what classes you had together, what did the rest of your friends do, what did he want to do for a leaving, what were his plans after school. Jaemin handled every single question and gave an answer to every question that astonished your parents.

Jaemin's phone received a bunch of calls, he never picked up, arguing that if it were truly important, no one would really call him, but when your parents stood up the table for a couple minutes, and he finally had time to check his phone, all the calls were Mark's, but he left no message, and your date assumed it was, probably, not important at all. Usually, at least some months ago, on Fridays they'd be going to the abandoned warehouse, get drunk and have a race, or maybe they'd be shoplifting, attending their clients and playing dumb when they got caught, and although Jaemin, and the rest of his friends, knew it was bad, a tiny particle in his mind is telling him that he should be doing that right know. There's a part of them that has accepted the path they started walking so long ago, and it's a shame that they did, since the could be doing so much better.

After the food, and the awkward, intrusive, questions were out of the table, Jaemin suggested you went to Jeno's place again, and because you had no interest in staying home, you agreed, asked your parents permission to be home, and reluctantly they said yes, although you knew they agreed basically because Jaemin is too convincing, and too likeable.

He drove with the windows down, which made the chilly air play with his hair, giving him this absolutely attractive, messy hairstyle, and then all you wanted to do was to make him stop and kiss him while you ran your fingers through his hair. The annoying ringtone of your phone got your mind back to where you were sitting, and looking at the notification bar, you notice how many texts from Mark you got all day long, last one being received in thus exact moment.

“Friday, 7:15 a.m, Mark ♡:

hey”

“can we meet today?”

“Friday, 8:30 a.m, Mark ♡:

are you free after this period?”

“Friday, 9:48 a.m, Mark♡:

are you okay?”

“Y/N”

“???”

“Friday, 2:45 p.m, Mark♡:

are you at home”

“did I do something wrong?”

“Friday, 4:04 p.m, Mark ♡:

I think you hate me?”

“wait”

“you're with jaemin right?”

“Friday, 6:36 p.m, Mark ♡:

So i saw jaemin driving”

“And i was about to get close”

“and then i see you on the passenger side”

“you couldve replied, yk”

“Friday, 7:19 p.m, Mark ♡:

Ans know im fucking drunkk”

“fuck yOu”

“actually no”

“Friday, 8:58 p.m, Mark ♡:

hu sorry im liken really rly drunk”

“im at jenooossssss'”

“ypu should comeb too”

By the time you finished reading, it was too late, Jaemin had already parked, and when the men inside noticed, all of them, except Mark, came out to greet him, and when they saw you, they couldn't look happier. They urged you inside, but before you could get to the living room with them, Jeno stopped you and Jaemin.

“So, look, Mark is... Kinda sensitive right now” he looks into his direction, Mark sitting on the floor, with his head head resting on Renjun's lap, he's laughing and smiling and rubbing his hands on the carpet “I don't know what he had, he's drunk but, I think he might be high too”

Jaemin makes an effort to keep his annoyance unseen, remembering that every time Mark drinks, it's a mistake, a mistake that he's gonna have to solve.

“Just” Jeno knows, Jeno can read Jaemin like a book, and although he agrees that they shouldn't be the ones caring after his oldest friend, he can't let him alone whenever he needs them “don't mind him, he's saying weird shit, he's harmless”

Jeno sits in the couch next to Renjun, trying to block Mark's view of you, but when you walk in, holding Jaemin's hand, he loses it. His laugh is insanely loud, and it's almost scary, making Jaemin squeeze your hand harder between his, and he grabs someone's drink and takes it in a single sip, you can tell it was strong, because of the face he's making. Suddenly, everyone in the room is uncomfortable, waiting for someone to make the next move.

After minutes of staring at the wall in front of him, Mark stands up, tumbling when he does, and walks closer to you, stopping when you are just a few centimeters away from him. Jaemin reacts immediately, pushing Mark away from you, and putting himself between you two. Mark giggles, he looks innocent, and when you're about to apologize to him, that sweet look disappears.

“Are you really gonna let her get between us?” he asks jaemin, arrogance in his tone, and absolutely spiteful when he looks at you.

“You're drunk, go home” all eyes are on them both, but no one really dares to interfere.

“Is that all you're going to say?” he walks closer to Jaemin, and although he wishes that Mark doesn't do anything else, he's ready for whatever he tries “is that it, huh? I give you a home when you need it, a job, money, my time” he grabs Jaemin by the collar of his shirt “I let you into my life” Renjun rushes to you, dragging you out of the room, meanwhile Jeno and Donghyuck try to get Mark and Jaemin away from each other.

Everything happened too fast, and you can't even complain when Renjun walks you upstairs to Jeno's room and locks the door. You can hear the screaming from downstairs and there's nothing you can do to help. Your mom couldn't have possibly chosen a worst time to call, lying, you tell her that as soon as the movie you're watching is over, Jaemin will drive you back home.

Jisung and Chenle are leaving, after Renjun insisted that they shouldn't be there, although they are worried, they know there's not much they can do, and promise to be ready if something else happens, they say you goodbye from the porch, and offer to walk you home, but you know you can't leave just yet.

Jeno was successful in calming Jaemin down, but Mark wasn't going to stop until he got what he wanted, Donghyuck and Renjun getting tired of dealing with him, but doing it anyway because the idea of what could come next was too scary. Jaemin unlocks the door, and brings you back down, with Jeno and himself protecting you from whatever Mark could try, going outside and into his car. Jeno apologizes to the both of you, and runs back inside.

Jaemin doesn't speak in the whole way back home, when he stops, he opens the door for you, walks you to the door, and says sorry when you open the door. You can only shake your head and give him a kind smile, hoping that he understands what you are trying to say. He drives away, but instead of going home, as you wished he did, he takes the way back to the mess, you watch him drive off, and you can only hope that things don't end up too bad.

“Saturday, 1:26 a.m, unknown number:

Don't panic, but Mark's in the hospital”

next♡

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A.N: well that escalated quickly 😳

HeyyYYYyYy I'm finally bringing this back, after, well, i got notes from the whole series again. I hope you're having a good time guys, be healthy, be safe.

[fumbling-fanfics]

Imagine having a second child with Viktor Drago...

So I wrote this because @lady-olive-oil was insistant on killing people off, lol. Love you Liv!

I also kind of forgot I wrote this so there was more I wanted to write but I forgot those parts.

**********************************************

You weren't meant to give birth so early. But here you were sitting in a nice relaxing bath, Lily on the bathroom floor drawing more pictures for Viktor while you soaked. If you were honest the contractions had started early in the morning, but they varied between 4hrs and 3 minutes apart. So you had ignored them. But now it was 2 in the afternoon you were pretty sure you were having contractions - the proper ones.

"Lily baby, can you pass mommy here phone please" her little head popped up beside the bath with a big smile. "Are you going to ring daddy? Can I talk to him?" she asked as she disappeared out of the bathroom.

Viktor should have been the one you were going to call but he wasn't.

"I'm going to call Aunt Jenny" you smile kissing her forehead in thanks letting her get back to her drawing. "I'll make Aunt Jenny a picture too" she states, paper rustling about. You pressed the call button next to Jenny's picture (a picture of her and lily at the beach) and waited for her to answer.

"Thank god you called. I'm so tired, I'm literally falling asleep at my desk… What's new?" she sang.

"Code Red" you whispered down the phone.

"Huh?" you can hear the frowns of confusion on Jenny's face. "Oh, Lily, I can go get her from preschool" you could here her moving around more on her end.

"No, Lily's here with me-"

"Hi Aunt Jenny!" Lily called from the floor, voice echoing off the bathroom tiles.

"Oh" Jenny was frowning again.

"The other code red, the new one. The second one" you watched Lily for a reaction but she was absorbed back into her drawing.

"Shit" Jenny shouted.

"Shit, shit, shit! SHIT! Are you sure? It's not those fake ones, those pickle hiccup contraction things" she panicked, you could hear things being knocked around and a draw open and then slam closed.

"You mean Braxton Hicks, and no"

"You're not due for like another 2 months, I'm looking at my calendar. It says on my calender" you could hear her voice go up an octave in panic. You were pretty sure she was also poking the calender too.

Jenny was down as your second birthing partner, after Viktor of course. But since Viktor was away for a fight that was still wasn't due for another 6 weeks, Jenny had happily (and in a drunken state) assured Viktor she'd be your number two should anything happen. But it would be fine because nothing would happen because you still had two months to go.

"I know, I know...Can you maybe come anyway, and maybe it'll be fine by the time you get here"

"Of course, I'm leaving now" she hung up quickly.

"Will Auntie Jenny bring me jellies" Lily asked, pencils poised in her hand.

"Maybe" you laugh, glad she oblivious to what's happening.

By the time Jenny arrived you were out of the bath and sitting in the living room on your yoga ball wondering if you should call Viktor or not.

He'd flown back to the states to fight again, and really concentrate on getting ready as this opponent was almost equal in size to Viktor. You knew if you called him he'd freak out and even fly back (or walk if he had to).

"(Y/n)!!!" Jenny practically screamed, slamming the door closed. You could hear her but not see her. Lily sprinted off to find her Aunt, and reappeared on Jenny's hip.

"Are they for real?" she asked looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I think so, they've just got worse"

"Auntie bought me jellies!" Lily waved the box and then wriggled out of Jenny's arms and ran off. At least she was occupied.

****

“Is it okay to make a call?" you asked in the back of the ambulance. The female paramedic nodded as she carried on writing things down.

Jenny was following in her car with Lily and your hospital bags.

You pressed the call button and held the phone against your ear. There was a series of tial tones, including the international one.

"Hello" it was a quick, short answer.

"Ivan, it's y/n" slight relief washed over you hearing his voice.

"Hello. You want to speak to Viktor?"

"No, no, no, no, no" there were too many no's for Ivan's liking - he felt worried but the fact you weren't crying and he could understand you made him worry a tiny bit less.

Ivan said something in Russian but you couldn't hear, it was muffled, like he had his hand over the mouthpiece. There was the sound of a metal door slamming closed and then silence.

"What's wrong?"

"The baby, its early" there was a long pause from both of you - you both didn't know what to say.

"I'll get Viktor"

"No don't...I mean I know he needs to know, but not right now. You know he'll get on the first plane back, won't think twice about the fight. I can't let him do that." Ivan said nothing but also agreed. But he also wanted to tell his son. Congratulate him, tell everyone in the training room - he had another grandchild.

"I'll let him know it was all my idea not to tell him, just try and act like everything's normal. Please?“

“Are you okay? Are you at the hospital?" the concern in Ivan's voice broke you and you started to cry.

"I'm fine. I'm on my way in an ambulance"

"Are you on your own?" he sound panicked. "Where's Lily?"

"She's following in a car with Jenny" Ivan remembered Jenny from when she came to the beach that day. Ivan was struck by how caring Jenny was with Lily - making sure she ate and drank enough while still having fun.

"She must call me" you nodded even tho Ivan couldn't see you.

"Here" the paramedic handed you a tissue to dry your eyes. "Don't worry, everything's gonna be okay"

***

Olivia May Drago, born 2 months early but otherwise healthy.

Jenny had called Ivan to let him know everything was okay - you were okay, Lily was okay (but probably had new found profession as some sort of Antinal Nurse specialising in premature babies) and that Viktor's new baby girl was okay too. It was only when Jenny came back into the room, an hour later did you realise she had been talking to Ivan for an hour. "He's so funny, Ivan" she said with a smile on her face. You raised a quizzical eyebrow at her as she peered into the neonatal cot to look at Olivia. "Did you just say Ivan's funny?“ you asked, maybe the drugs were making you hear things." Yeah, the jokes he cracks. But otherwise he says he's glad everyone's okay. I said I'll call him tomorrow"

"You should go, it's late" Lily had crashed out on the bed in the room reserved for partners to sleep on.

"No way, do you know how hard it was to get this parental leave. HR officially hate me, so I'm going to use every moment to stare at this beautiful girl" she cooed, picking up Olivia from her cot.

Lily had been born 4 weeks early, so Jenny had fought tooth and nail to have the right to use shared parental leave to help you look after Lily and the baby assuming Olivia would be born early too, despite not actually being a parent to either. She had initially demanded full maternity leave, but had settled for 3 and a half weeks "shared parental" leave. "That's what they get for not having a watertight policy" she'd smugly smiled sipping non alcoholic wine with you when she told you when you met her for lunch just after Viktor left to prepare for the fight.

You were trying not to cry but the harder you did, the quicker your eyes filled up with tears. So when you blinked they came streaming down your face. "Hey, don't you start crying because I'm gonna start crying again" Jenny moved to perch on the edge of your bed still holding Olivia.

"I know you feel bad, but don't. Everything is okay, you're okay, baby's okay. Lily's okay. I'm okay" the last part made you laugh and you brushed the tears away.

"But we need to make sure Viktor's okay, and that means not telling him just yet because we app know what will happen. I'll just keep taking a million photos and videos so he has stuff to watch. Here, hold her" Jenny passed you Olivia and grabbed her phone to take pictures.

"Do I look a mess?" you asked, aware that not only had you given birth 6 hours ago but you had also cried one too many times. "Actually, you look so good. Which makes me slightly hate you" she placed her phone down and then made grabbing hands at Olivia. "My ovaries hurt when I don't hold her" she blushed.

***

You where now sat in the hotel suite that had been reserved for Viktor. Lily was laying on the floor - half on top of the fluffy rug, half off - drawing more pictures for Viktor. You were sure she was on over 100 at this point, but it kept her occupied, you enjoyed listening to her stories behind them and writing them on the back of the picture for Viktor to read later.

She was currently drawing the picture of him winning his current fight - the one that was meant to start in 45 minutes.

You were sat on the overly large sofa breastfeeding Olivia, after having to shout at Buddy Marcella and the entourage he brought for you to leave. He'd brought a nanny with him - just in case you wanted to leave Lily and Olivia to go watch the fight. He was driving you crazy more than usual.

You didn't need help, you just needed space and for not a single soul to mention to Viktor that he had an earlier than expected baby girl he'd never seen. You'd also spoken to Ivan at length who had been extra hard and stubborn on your behalf making sure everything and everyone would be perfect.

***

Just as the fight started Olivia woke up with a cry. You half didn't mind as she'd been asleep for a long time, as if she was waiting for the perfect moment to announce her presence in the world. She was very quiet for a newborn.

You noticed that Viktor seemed to be fighting differently, quicker, even harder, like he just wanted it to be over.

But that wasn't surprising. When Viktor had agreed to the fight, there were a few additional requirements that Buddy had added in. Endorsements and a whole bunch of extra PR stuff, including promo stuff with Adonis Creed.

"Hey!" you called to Buddy. He turned around with that stupid grin on his face. "Just remembered my husband's a person and not just your cash cow" he'd then proceeded to try and butter you up but it didn't work.

***

As the ring filled with people from either team and the official referee to call the match you spotted Buddy climbing into the ring. You held your breath as you watched him whisper something to Viktor. Ivan appeared and pushed Buddy away, but you could see Viktor was getting impatient and just wanted the result said. You watched Ivan place his hands on Viktor's shoulders and he calmed down a little. The referee appeared and the camera angle zoomed back showing Viktor and his opponent standing either side of the referee.

You didn't let your breathe go until the referee held up Viktor's arms and the crowd cheered. Lily jumped up dancing around with her picture in her hand. "Told you daddy won" she wiggled her hips side to side and threw the picture in the air along with her crayons.

***

Now you felt sick. Sheer panic and you tried to organise your thoughts and your words to explain to Viktor that you were sorry for not telling him that Olivia had come early, that you cried after every phone call with him because you wanted to just tell him. But you were glad that you didn't, that there were no distractions.

"Lily, come here please" you call, her silence not always a good thing. She skips from the bedroom, her face covered in melted chocolate. Then she stop rigid, eyes wide. "Daddy!“ she screams, sprinting past you. You turn, this isn't how you wanted him to find out. "Grandpa!“ Lily screeches, almost another octave higher. She doges Viktor and throws herself at Ivan.

Viktor doesn't seem to mind that Lily skipped him. He's staring at you or Olivia, or both of you as you rock Olivia in your arms. She's quiet now, as if nothing happened. He drops his bag and slowly walks closer to you. When he reaches you, he pulls you against him, his lips rest on forehead which makes you cry.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, I'm sorry you had to do this on your own" Viktor tenderly hugs you, careful not to squash Olivia.

You pull away to wipe your face with one hand, surprised at how relaxed Viktor is. "My dad told me. I made him when I saw he had a lot of calls from Jenny, I thought something was wrong" you looked to Ivan, but he was busy cleaning the chocolate from Lily's face.

***

Everything was calmer. Everything was fine. Viktor sat holding Olivia, with Lily on his lap. They talk in hushed tones over a sleeping Olivia. Both falling quiet every so often to stare at the peaceful baby.

Viktor was stunned by how beautiful his second baby girl was. Her tiny nose, her tiny mouth, her ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. Lily's mind was slightly blown by Viktor telling her she was once this small, even he was too.

Together they couldn’t stop looking at Olivia. Every now and then Lily gently kissed her sister - telling Viktor all the things she planned to teach her little sister - coloring within the lines, eating jellies that Aunt Jenny brings etc, eating all the chocolate you could find in a hotel suite.

By the time Ivan got back with food for everyone, it was his turn to fuss over his new grandchild. "World's happiest grandfather" Ivan announced taking Olivia from Viktor. He sat down on the couch with Olivia while you pulled out your phone to show Viktor the million photos you'd taken while he was away.

**********************************************

Tags: @ellixthea @lovelymari4 @chaneajoyyy

@honeychicana @beaminglife @amelatonin @themyscxiras @crushed-pink-petals @jojolu @endless00paradise @est1887 @cajunpeach @melinda-january @profoundlynerdywolf @deathonyourtongue @designerwriterchic @itsbqueenthings @alicesfracturedmirror

[roswelldetails]

Episode 203:  Good Mother

Sorry so late this week!! I had a deadline for work that kept me away from this early in the week, and Tumblr has been mean tonight. Kudos to @tasyfa for helping me with some of the transcripts while I was stuck working!!

EPISODE SUMMARY:

Determined to regain control of her life in the aftermath of Noah’s death, Isobel (Lily Cowles) makes a risky choice despite its potential consequences.  Meanwhile, Alex (Tyler Blackburn) and Michael (Michael Vlamis) work together to unravel the mystery surrounding the night Nora’s (guest star Kayla Ewell) spaceship crashed in 1947. Elsewhere, Liz (Jeanine Mason) makes a surprising confession when Cameron (guest star Riley Voelkel) shows up looking for answers about Max (Nathan Dean).  Heather Hemmens, Amber Midthunder and Trevor St. John also star. Jeffrey Hunt directed the episode written by Deirdre Mangan & Carina Adly MacKenzie (#203.) Original airdate 3/30/2020.

DETAILS:

Aliens in the crash are always portrayed as wearing all white.  

There's also a silvery gleam on the faces of Nora and Louise following the crash.

Harlan Manes (first introduced in the alien autopsy scene in 1x07) and Hector Valenti (first mentioned in the pilot by Jesse Manes, but visually introduced here) are shown as having both a partnership and a difference in perspective, with Hector being more sympathetic to the aliens from the start - it mirrors what we know about Jim and Jesse's relationship.

Mysterious alien figure in white hood (probably played by Nathan Parsons, but unlikely to actually be Max (see @latessitrice meta) touches Nora's shoulder and she looks pained, then attacks and burns Hector alive, before disappearing into thin air.

Nora is shot in her shoulder.

Liz sent Alex to find Michael at the cave. 

The pods "regenerate cells at the same rate as they degrade" keeping them in stasis.  The theory of the electrical current is that it will speed up the regeneration so instead of stasis, Max might improve.

Searching for info about Nora led Alex to a sophisticated firewall, which meant that someone was trying to hide information about her.

Jenna's fake energy drinks are called "Speed Demon"

Mimi DeLuca says she was "nowhere" (and then she looks up at the stars). She was wearing the same nightgown and robe as when she disappeared (white...like the aliens in 1947), but instead of bare feet, she had on a pair of elaborate blue and white cowboy boots 

Jenna told Sheriff Valenti that Mimi recited the plot from the film Starship Troopers during the car ride into town "like she lived it", with all the voices, but did not provide any information about where she’d been.  Sheriff Valenti implies that this is typical behavior from Mimi.

Michael says he's been parked at the pony for a few weeks.  Maria says that Mimi was gone for a month. That means that another 2 weeks have passed. (I.e., Max has been dead for 6 weeks now.)

Maria says that they found her mom on I-40 (by the Roswell sign).  Also in 2x01 Rosa indicated that she and Liz were on I-40 when they saw Flint - Rosa put together that it was the most direct route to Area 51...however, I-40 does not go through Roswell.  In fact, it is over 100 miles from Roswell to I-40 (north on 285).  However, it is the most direct route to Area 51 from Roswell.

Isobel points out that Mimi DeLuca waking up in the desert with no memory is similar to what happened to her when Noah took over her body.  Michael doesn't believe that they are the same situation though.

Rosa is about to drink spiked coffee when Liz brings her the art supplies.  After Liz leaves, she pours it out without drinking it.

Isobel is packing up all of the photos of her and Noah (most look like vacation photos).  She hesitates on the photo of them with Max at the wedding that we previously saw in 2x01 at Noah's funeral.

Isobel's baby is now 7 weeks (consistent with the other time frames) and is now the size of a blueberry.

Isobel drinks the rest of the alien death serum and immediately gets cramps/pain in her womb.  And then Max's hallucination appears.

Isobel tells not!Max that she has been microdosing with the serum for weeks (2 weeks, based on the timeline) and it hasn't worked.

Not!Max does tell her to call Kyle (i.e, her subconscious knows she should, but she's not listening).

Michael tells Jenna that Max is in Mexico (at first).

Mimi is "hydrated and healthy" and she never felt unsafe.

She thinks she was only gone for a night, coming to see Maria when Jenna found her.

Maria asked Mimi whether Jenna lent the boots to her and Mimi declared they were hers

Liz is surrounded by monitors with alienesque symbols on them (or maybe just The Science!) See photo:

When the alarm sounds Liz looks at her computer screen and reacts - likely a security camera.

When Alex arrives at the Bunker and sees the binder left for him, the computers are on and there is a map showing.  See photo: 

I tried to figure out what city it is on his computer screen, but no luck. If anyone figures it out, send me an ask & let me know & I'll blast it out!

The 3-ring binder left for Alex, which looked approx. ¾ full with paper documents, was marked on the front:

CAULFIELD * A4N

352-6553 NMG

The text was white on a dark green background that appeared to be a printed label that had been affixed to the front of the binder. The body of the binder was light grey, with a partially shaded circular diagram in the lower center of the front that appeared to be part of the binder itself rather than a later addition like the label.

The Post-It note left on the binder for Alex said, "What side of history do you want to be on?"

There was also a marking on the spine of the binder: CF-143-3453-C78. This is probably a file or record reference, with CF standing for Caulfield. The reference would be visible when the binder was housed on a shelf, allowing easy identification.

When Alex flipped open the binder, the visible portion of the top page read as follows:

HEADQUARTERS

509th BOMB GP (NH)

ROSWELL ARMY AIR FIELD

ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Forwarded.

A07-06 (95)                                8 JULY 1947

AFTER ACTION REPORT

Serial

[blacked out text with underscoring] [TOP SECRET stamp]

From:        Lt. Colonel Payne Jennings, Roswell Army Air Field

Subject:    Engagement with enemy combatants, recovery of unidentified craft, night of 14-15 June, 1947, twelve casualties.

[offscreen] is a fine that concerns the events and

[offscreen] following the discovery of a flying saucer,

To:        Chief of Staff, U.S. Air Force

[offscreen] dentified rancher notified

[offscreen] [blacked out text] that he found the instrument on

[offscreen] operations were coordinated with

[offscreen] with the intent of detaining or

[offscreen] while assisting in the inves-

[offscreen] reached the crash site

[offscreen] ing object’s entan-

[offscreen] balloon. Ship

[offscreen] of foreign

[offscreen] place

Liz explains The Science to Jenna:

"3 years ago I hypothesized that if I introduced a rare protein to destroyed stem cells they'd regenerate.  And I was right. My team in Denver brought dead cells back to life. Rat cells, but, I mean, still, the applications are immeasurable… until our study got shut down.  They said it's for ethics reasons, but I think it's because it threatened big pharma. Then a few weeks ago, Kyle found that the pods contain a sort of alien cousin to my regenerative protein.  When Max healed Rosa, his electric charge amplified the process. If we can replicate that, then, we can accelerate his recovery, so, I am testing out pig hearts to see…" discussion about pig hearts/human hearts/different kinds of smart…

Liz says she has a few hours before she has to "record the electromagnetic charge interval"

Jenna says that Liz reminds her of Charlie.

Charlie used to rant about gene therapy

Jesse says he requested no visitors until "his brain starts to follow his orders".

He keeps periodically hitting the morphine drip with Alex in the room, though he was ignoring it before Alex got there.

Jesse describes the opening scene of the episode. And then tells Alex "Tripp was never the same".

Rosa's art:

Among the quotes on her collage are:

Body drie up from ...

What did she say

You're no listening

Control her Take her power

I am the Mesa the mighty

Nothing but a muddy trickle

You can't hold us

Sandia

Between them... Damn... One day she'll…

East

Rosa hears Max call out to her (while awake) "Rosa! Help! You're the only one!"

Jenna says that her dad brought her and Charlie to Roswell when they were kids.  That they were obsessed with the crash and aliens and the X-Files and it was the perfect trip.  It's why she came to Roswell after leaving the military.   "It was like trying to go back in time, somehow."

"Time Travel really messed with you.  I am eight years older than my older sister.  She used to be my hero. She was kinetic, disruptive, cool.  Now that I'm an adult I'm pretty sure she's bipolar, and she needs help.  And if I try to save Max I'm letting Rosa twist in the wind, so, hence the wine ready in my drawer."

Maria is going through a box labeled "Mom's Stuff" in the Pony when she sees Rosa.

"I'm turning into my mom.  I lost time at the gala...Michael's hand...I'm seeing things!"

What Valenti says about Noah's death:

"The M.E., Dr. Holden, listed Noah's cause of death as cardiac arrest due to lightning strike. (note: cardiac arrest = heart attack.  Same way Max died.). No other abnormalities were listed. But that's not consistent with the crime scene photos. You see these ligature marks on his wrists and ankles. …. These marks are consistent with zip ties.  And these with struggling against police-issue handcuffs. Like Max's.".

Isobel blames it on their sex toys.

What Max said to the grocery clerk "¿Tienes carne sin preservativos?" (Meat without a condom).

About Max's nightmare:

"You remember when I used to come in and sleep on your floor?"

"You used to have a nightmare.  You were alone in a cold, dark room and there was something… You couldn't get up.  You were…"

"Chained to the floor.  I'd wake up all freaked out and run to your room."

Rosa's nightmare:

"I need your help, Rosa."

"Look, I'm not gonna help you die.  I have been drinking so that I don't dream."

"I know that."

"It's like you're getting stronger. I hear you now when I'm awake."

"You're right.  Something is making me stronger. I feel things. That's why I'm calling for you.  Something is wrong with Isobel. Even in the pod I sense it. She's dying. Please."

Liz thinks that Max was able to reach out to save Isobel because the electricity is making him stronger in the pod.

Maria confessed to her mother that she had thought she might be getting sick too, Mimi said Maria would not get lost because she was protected, and reached for the resin pendant with the anti-alien pollen flower that Maria was wearing as usual. When Mimi seemed to go to sleep, Maria removed the necklace and placed it on her mother. 

Flashing back to the night of the crash, Nora seems to be tying down the tarp on the back of the truck when Tripp approaches her.  He feigns an offer to assist her and then grabs her and orders his men to move in so that they can take her and the truck back to base.  Louise appears and black-canary-screams to push them away (sound waves, I presume). She is shot in the stomach/chest. Nora pulls her into the truck and drives them away.

The newspaper clip Michael found is dated October 12, 1948, two days before Nora was captured. 

Newspaper transcript:

Last scene - Nora is clearly driving the truck with her powers, as she has both her arms around Louise. They approach a cabin and we're introduced to Roy Bronson, who offers to help.

Roswell Town Fair Charms Locals and Tourists

Photo caption: Smiles abound demonstrate a good time had by all.

Saturday Festivities Drew Healthy Crowds

Second column under photo:

...well as celebrated hometown war heroes, and, of course, Mrs. Benjamin Booker (Carol) whose strawberry Chile pie has won the Roswell Pie Contest four seasons in a row.

Children delighted in activities such as sack races.......

Top of 3rd column:

...ice creams.

Meanwhile the annual pumpkin chunking contest was the main attraction as expected! Pumpkin chunkers arrived from far and wide with their pumpkins and their pumpkin-lurching apparatuses. The prize for best pumpkin chunked went to the Long Family. Their farm foreman Roy Bronson credited his friend and neighbor, a young woman who declined to be named, for the Long's pumpkin chunking victory.

When asked what he'd do with the prize money, Bronson declared that he would "purchase ingredients (for his lady friend) to cook up a nice pumpkin pie".

MUSIC:

Dame - Holy Moly

Tommee Profitt feat. Fleurie - Hurricane

[thesweatzone]

BACKSTORY and FITNESS PROGRAM

BACKSTORY:

I have always struggled with my weight. I was never overweight to a point where I would have troubles with my health but it did limit some of my abilities and it lowered my self-esteem. I was really overweight as a child but then my rapid growth caused me to look slimmer than before and I was only round. Basically I was and still pretty much am skinny fat.

About two years ago I decided I wanted to become skinnier, so I started working out more. I realized now that being skinny is far from my goal and I truly want to be healthy and have a strong body but working out did give me solid foundation on which I explored my interests in sports, which I never liked before. I found the ones I actually enjoyed and the ones I did not enjoy quite that much. I started losing some fat. But then I became lazy and the fat came back.

This repeated itself many times throughout those two years. I slowly realized my biggest problem were my eating habits. I was really picky when it came to food and I always chose the wrong one. I also binged, then ate very little for a while and binged again. I even contributed to the weight gain with drinking smaller amounts of water than I should have and my sleeping schedule was all over the place. I realized only working out won't do that much. At least not for me.

I slowly started incorporating better foods into my diet and changing up my lifestyle but I never committed enough to see it through until the end and obtain obvious results. I was also very confused where and how to start, because there is so much information out there about what is right and wrong. The main problem was that I didn't give any program I created for myself time so that I could actually see results and see if it works.

 RIGHT NOW:

Now I want to stick to my plan for longer than one or two months at a time. I want to achieve results that will last and work on my confidence too. I am currently 173 cm tall (which is roughly 5,8 feet) and I weigh 65 kg (roughly 143 pounds). Though I am tall I feel like I am quite heavy since I do not have that much muscle mass so the lbs are higher than I wish they would be, because of fat. I have stubborn belly fat while I'm not really visibly round in any other areas of my body as much. Of course you cannot spot reduce (I will write about that in one of my future posts too) so I will have to lower my body fat percentage and gain a lot of muscle mass in general to see the belly fat disappearing too, since I am striving for a stronger not skinnier body.

Right now I'm in a good place, though I still have many things to focus on to perfect my daily routine. I've been working since the start of the year (6th January, 2020) and lost 4,5kg (roughly 10 pounds) in five weeks. I constructed a workout and diet plan for me as well as I could, since I haven't got that much control over a lot of things going on in my life because I'm still in school and have work to focus on besides my fitness goals, though I am trying to make them a bigger priority in my life.

Some people said that this program seemed a bit challenging for a beginner when they took a first look at it. That's why I wrote a short paragraph in which I spoke about my work out habits above. They are not that bad and I tend to work out quite a lot so I’m not in such a bad shape - food will be a bigger issue for me. If the program seems though for you and you do your workouts completely differently, I encourage you to continue doing it your way. The same goes for if you think it is too easy. I designed this the way I did, because I know what I am capable of right now and what I would like to be capable of in the future.

 MY PROGRAM:

Duration: 8 months (until the end of August)

Goal: Build strength and muscle mass, achieve a flatter belly and leaner physique, gain confidence, build better habits

 Workouts:

I've tried many workouts on the internet already and I decided to follow some good fitness channels on Youtube and follow their work out videos, since I don’t have time to go to an actual gym. I will link them in some future posts. I made a weekly workout schedule too.

On Mondays I do half an hour to an hour of yoga targeting my core (abs), on Tuesdays I do body weight exercises targeting the legs and the glutes, on Wednesday I have another day of body weight exercises targeting the abs and on Fridays I have weightlifting to strengthen my arms and back.

I also have one active rest day every week when I am allowed to do nothing or just some light cardio. That is Thursday for me, because I arrive home late (around 7 p.m.) and it's the day that is the most tiring for me in the whole week.

On weekends I have one scheduled full body workout on Saturdays. I usually do pilates or some HIIT workouts. On Sundays I can take a day of if I feel like it, because I don't want to push myself over the edge but if I feel alright I do an hour of cardio.

Speaking of cardio, it is one of my favourite workout categories because I love to run, dance, hike, swim… and these are all workouts that fall into the category. I try to do cardio at least three times a week even if it isn’t scheduled (just because I actually enjoy doing it) but if the weather is nice I take a walk everyday anyway, since I like some peace to think and be alone.

Through the week I work out at around 6 p.m. and on the weekends in the morning or at least before noon.

 Dieting:

For me it is really hard to meal prep since I am in high school and I have a lot of my meals prepared for me by other people. I evaluated my eating habits and realized I consume too much sugar and carbs and my diet lacks fiber. I can’t completely follow a low-carb diet but I will be aiming towards consuming less carbs and try to eat food which is low in sugar and high in protein and fiber.

I also challenged myself to eliminate all sugar I could from my diet for at least 40 days but I can happily say that I'm already on day 45 (I started on the 6th of January) – I decided to just continue with it and try to reach 70 days. I planned it for a long time and I can say I am quite satisfied with the outcome. I've tried including a lot of healthy foods, vegetables and high protein foods and minimize foods with a lot of carbs but there are days when I just don't have the option to eat anything but something high in carbs or not as healthy as I would wish it would be. 

If you want to, I will definitely write a post about what I eat in a week after I test it out, see how effective it is and perfect it completely. 

I have already tried intermittent fasting (will be explained in future posts) in the past once and it worked miracles for me. I felt more energized, way less bloated and I felt better in general. I will incorporate it into my diet again I decided to do a 16:8 ratio – I eat in a time frame of 8 hours. That equals 16 hours of fasting where I don't consume any food I just drink a cup of green tea in the morning.

 Drink:

I used to drink very small amounts of water throughout the day but I carry my water bottle with me everywhere I go now and I try to drink as much as possible. These are my main rules for drinking:

-drink 2 water bottles of water a day

-one cup of green tea in the morning (or lemonade)

-don't drink milk in the evening

 Sleep:

I try to go to sleep before 11 pm and get up around 6 or 7 am. For me it is pretty hard, because I am a night owl, but I do try, since I see a big difference in my energy and ability to work efficiently throughout the day.

…

That is how I designed my workout and diet program. All details will be specified in further chapters since it is still a bit rough around the edges (especially the diet part), but I cannot meal prep since it is really hard for me to prepare my own food. 

I thought I should explain what and how I'm doing everything, since I will be writing about it. This is a basic overview and I didn't really go into detail. If you want me to be more precise, especially about my eating habits and how I'm trying to change them, I will make a post about it. This is just my story and my program. I can't guarantee any of these things would work for you or your body but maybe you will get any idea or find some useful information. You now know my story and my goals.

I always struggled with my self-esteem and body image but I am on the path to changing everything and I want to share the lessons I'm learning and my story with you. I hope it motivates you and you can see you are not alone. You should also remember that even though my measurements and fitness goals don't match yours and you maybe see different numbers than me, you aren't working any less hard or doing anything wrong nor should you be discouraged. We are all on our individual journeys and you have the exact same chance of reaching your goals as I do or anyone else reading this blog.

Whenever I start doubting myself I just avert my thoughts somewhere else because I am positive we all can do this. Remember to love yourself no matter your weight. We are all beautiful and what we are doing and the changes we're making are only to better ourselves physically and mentally but our weight or appearance doesn't define us nor does it define our worth.

Thank you for joining me on this journey!

-M