#and they were gone the next.

[sincerely-sofie]

I'm not sure how weird of a question it would be to ask, or if it's one i should ask, but if you could choose to hallucinate one of them again without any kind of drawbacks just to talk with them, would you? And who would you talk to?

Not a weird question at all, and it's one I've actually asked myself a lot over the years! If I were able to hallucinate one of my old Brain Roommates™️ again, but without the intense anxiety that is required for me to hallucinate in the first place or the actual damage to my brain that hallucinations do, I'd be very, very interested in it. However, my answer for who I would speak to in this hypothetical scenario has changed throughout the years.

Originally, I wanted to talk to the Black Clock. He was the most consistently distressing hallucination, and was a sort of manifestation of my intense perfectionism and high standards for myself. I wanted to ask him if I was enough. It was a question that haunted me for years, and either answer scared me. If I was enough, then that meant I wasn't living up to my potential and that I was "sinful, irredeemable filth" according to the script I told myself back then. If I wasn't enough, then I didn't deserve anything good and I was an active blight on all that I loved, somehow. Nowadays I don't have anything to say to him. I'm enough for myself and I'm enough for God. The opinion of some misfiring synapses doesn't matter.

After that, I wanted to speak to the Red Woman. She expressed remorse after I found my first set of medications that partially stopped me from hallucinating, and she apologized for what she put me through and told me goodbye. I held her the night I took those medications while she cried and said she was scared to die. I never saw or heard from her again, at least as a hallucination. I wanted to tell her I forgave her and that I hoped she was okay, wherever she was. I don't have that same anxiety over the speculative mortality of the voices in my head anymore, so I wouldn't say I would want to talk to her again. There's not much point to it in my eyes. She hurt me and said she was sorry. That's a full sentence. I don't need to open it up for anything else.

Later on, I wanted to talk to the Lime Hands because, in a very bizarre exchange, he expressed to me he was depressed and didn't want to exist. I wanted to see if he was feeling any better, as strange as it was to ask that of a hallucination. Now, though, I hate that freak and make no apologies for what the dang thing put me through, and the only way I'd want to reunite with him is in some wonderland scenario where I could tangibly interact with him. And that's only because I'm punching that sucker's teeth in and breaking his pinky fingers.

As for the present day answer: If I were to choose any of my hallucinations to speak to without consequence, I think I'd like to speak to Doc Brown, or the Marigold Girl.

Doc Brown was the most cordial of the hallucinations and actually stepped in to advocate for me on occasion when the pain was really bad. I liked him a lot. He was a friend to me when I had very few people to talk to. We joked together and he gave me advice and words of comfort during some of the worst nights of my life. I think it'd be fun, in a very surreal way, to catch up with him— ask him how he's doing, how he's been, if he and the Marigold Girl are still buddies and if the Red Woman and him ever got over the hump of their flirtatious hatred for each other and actually became an item. It'd be a nice little send off to the guy. He was one of the first hallucinations I stopped experiencing, and his disappearance was very abrupt. I'd like to be able to say goodbye properly, thank him for his help, and smile and kindly say I hope I never see him again.

(also, the guy's whole shtick was anxiety over disease / contamination and the possibility of me infecting others with whatever bug I caught at the time. I stopped hallucinating him WAY before 2020 and I think he would lose his mind if I told him about COVID-19. That was his time to shine and he missed it. Poor thing.)

The Marigold Girl was a very difficult figure for me to handle when I was hallucinating. On the one hand, she was a lovely, if somewhat unsettling, little girl. She liked it when I read books and explained the plots to her. She always wanted to be held. She was scared of the dark. She adored my stuffed animals and would whisper to them while I was trying to sleep. I enjoyed being around her for the most part, but she was a very weepy hallucination, and the Black Clock would deal out punishment without fail whenever she cried— it was always my fault somehow, and so I suffered the consequences of her being a bit of a crybaby.

Looking back, I feel bad for her. She was a good kid, or at least as good of a kid as an unhealthy cocktail of neurochemicals in a weary brain can be. She once said she didn't want to cry all the time and wished she knew how to stop because I got in trouble because of it. I think it would be nice to comfort her and tell her it wasn't her fault that I'd be hurt. She couldn't control things anymore than I could back then.

I'd really like to show her the new stuffed animals I've collected over the years and read her one of the short stories I've written. I think she'd like Winter Came and Went if she didn't have to worry about the consequences of crying during the sad parts. She'd definitely enjoy Bibbidy Bee Goes to the Library. If possible, I'd like to ask what her favorite color is. I think she'd have a lot of fun answering, and I'd like being able to get to know this part of my psyche that was scared to let herself show any sadness for fear of hurting others with it.

[kaligotajob]

I just realized that none of the kids who died in the wilderness have a death anniversary. Not even the girls (and Travis) know when anyone died...

[imakemywings]

Orodreth: So how is Thingol handling being an empty-nester?

Beleg: This is Turin, his new mortal son. We're working on getting mom and sister too.

Orodreth: Gotcha.

[mumbai-official]

so how's everyone doing after that jumpscare of a dust storm we just had

driving through this with my bsf was like the start of an apocalyptic novel

[sysig]

I can't remember if you've done any drawings for this before, sorry, but I have a requestober prompt! Vargas ladyverse snake charmer au? Or ladyverse dryder au Scri, I feel like the potential for pretty spiderweb clothes is high there. I would request both, but I want to respect the rules ^^ Thank you!!

Day 27 - Skillfully spun sheer shawl

[l-just-want-to-see]

no let’s talk about cScott’s strategy in the life series being the social game. Let’s talk about how he’ll just kinda play nice with everyone and get to very high placements as a result. Do you wonder if his past allies feel used by him? If they feel like they’re just part of the strategy of his own game? Did you realize how rarely Scott has recurring alliances? Do you think they wonder about if they were just someone Scott could get to a higher result to feel good about? Or someone that could get him the win? Or are you normal

all I’m saying is usually we go on lengthy talks about Scott being nice and sweet and wholesome but this guy (character) is good at the murder game! Really worryingly good! Let’s delve into that some more!

[rechicken-and-waffles]

Recent commissions from Twitter!!

@.sksvtn

@.Jaylers72

@.StevieNicholai

@.Pastelxapple

@.ShinyMisty

[unlikecharlie]

every comment or post that I see yelling about sympathy, empathy, and reminding us that those people are humans with lives and families only makes me wish they're dead even harder. matter of fact, I hope they all suffer as much as possible and then go to hell and suffer even more. there

[massivementalitynut]

My Ever After comm of Adam from @zestivivi

[localforecast]

Richmond Town Square 8/19/23

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Wait-

What about your Human AU, when does Eddie get into the lake?!

uhhhh *rolls dice* the group gets Shitfaced™️ and Eddie wakes up on a partially flooded raft in the middle of yeah, the lake <3 no idea how he got there <3

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

وَلَا تَحۡسَبَنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَٰفِلًا عَمَّا يَعۡمَلُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَۚ إِنَّمَا يُؤَخِّرُهُمۡ لِيَوۡمٖ تَشۡخَصُ فِيهِ ٱلۡأَبۡصَٰرُ

And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror].

[thegreatyin]

y'know, it probably feels weird for the scoundrel to admit, but they feel surprisingly comforted to be back on their ship for a change. they finally have control of the situation, they're finally around people they (vaguely) trust, they- wait a minute hold on what was that line

oh

oh no

oh no the horrors just keep getting worse and worse for them

[sailor-aviator]

I’ve gotten more done since I took this last night, but progress report on the new project!! There’s like seven shades of red there already with more to come lol

[tierras]

i discovered my school's fragrance museum look at this perfume bottle 🧎🏽‍♀️

[spastoid]

None of my friends can take pictures and I was to busy lallygagging to take them myself but this is what has come out of katsucon!!

Shoutout to the two other Toby’s thats were there.

I wore my waffle boxers for the bit.