#and this goes for like the ocd stuff we talked abt too

[skitskatdacat63]

okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???

[ppprimary]

Do tell me how the investigation goes if you feel comfortable enough with doing so! Tbh I want to get “tested” for OCD because a close relative of mine has it and to be fair, I’ve been noticing some things in myself that might not be completely normal so yeah :)) life is life ig lol

Waaaa, I absolutely love your pull they are so cool!! I could’ve killed for a Seonghwa PC from this album LOL and the ot8 postcard too ㅠㅠ love them. I got two Mingi, one Yunho and one San PC and the San/Yeosang/Hongjoong postcard because I bought the Diary version haha. (i always buy that because usually my biases are paired up in it and with the outlaw one I was the luckiest bitch as I pulled the Mingi+Hwa one, a Mingi single one and got a Seonghwa PC in plus like I was in heaven; this time I was aiming for the Yungi postcard ㅠㅠ but I’m not complaining lol since I pulled Yungi PC’s hehet) ~B. 🫶🏻

Ps. I have one brazilian friend whom I met on here maaany years ago, I’m hungarian myself 😌

Of course, I'll update you! I talked abt it with me therapyst but she kinda brushed over so I'm tempted to talk to her again the next session and tell her that I'll look for other specialists for seconds and thirds opinions. I feel like it is, but I'm not sure? I have treatment for other stuff going on and since then a lot of the bpd symptoms have been kinda dormant and my current medication could help w bpd but I'd need the proper therapy fot it, which I currently do not have so it's a whole thing, it's complicated idk idk. also! my mom has ocd too so I know that it can be hard, well I dont know know but I 'know'? ANYWAY hope we both get better LMAO

righttttt I'm pretty happy w my pull too! I dont really have one bias so I'd literally be happy w anything lol this is like my second album ever, the first one was EXID's X for their tenth anniversary so I was like 'cmon, it's special I gotta buy' and that kinda open the gates for more kpop stuff, next I was buying tickets for the ateez concert in brazil <3 sorry I keep getting distracted and missing the point, but yeah, I totally wanted to buy one of each version but with all of the taxes, one album ended up being half of my salary so I just got the one I liked the previews the most <3

man I love tumblr, meeting ppl from another continent is THAT easy?

[boimgfrog]

ok so like his first spiral isn’t as bad as the second but like it still takes him a. few days to be used to actually feeling like he doesn’t have to bottle up everything

Right!!! I think also eveb when he's "safe" there's still moments where his body forgets and falls back into old habits, so he'll be going about his day, body completely tense, and he won't even notice until someone points it out to him

[groupieculture]

I think it’s definitely totally understandable and valid for you to be hesitant about ssris. Speaking as someone who’s been on one since like childhood (2nd grade) due to my severe ocd. I don’t really know who I’d be without it and sometimes that’s scary for me to think about, like I worry that I’m not REALLY myself. But then I think well maybe that’s cause of the stigma etc but I do think it’s wrong what your doctor said about therapy only working for a year. That’s a real red flag to me that they said that. Ultimately it’s up to you! You could always try doing therapy or other stuff before you make a decision, see how it all goes! Wishing you the best❤️

hii im sorry to hear abt that</3 its very understandable for u to feel that way, i think a lot of people on meds go through the same thing of like i guess we could say identity crisis related to taking meds. but i try not to subscribe to that because i dont think that suffering is the truest human feeling that u can have even through i want to think that way sometimes.. like im only human and u too!..idk if thats what u meant though. and i think my doctor was just trying to set the record straight about how long this deal would take etc and like give me a realistic timeline which is like i guess it may take up to a year but i dont think its that long like its my whole life were talking about so whats a year lmao.. either way, i hope we get thru this, thank u for telling me that, i appreciate it. wishing u the best angel!

[captain-onyourleft]

My mum is a case of maternal narcissism and my dad is the enabler, I have been more outspoken abt the things that arent ok and became more assertive and dad has started sometimes speaking out too in little steps, but is often intimidated and talked by her side of arguments into agreeing.

It is very important not to let the things slip anymore so I cannot take the softer approach of "patching things up" with her, because it lasts only shortly while the abuse keeps on strengthening itself.

And the last few days, since my parents' vacation got cancelled bc of covid and they might have also spent this week recovering from possible covid, it has been pretty intense bc we have been in many confrontations - especially surrounding my sister bc my mum snaps on almost any behavior she does now, no matter how peaceful it is - in the name of "proper parenting" where she feels the things my sis does violate her bringing up techniques:

eg.my sister cant eat in her room so she eats downstairs and she wants to watch smth during it, just like parents do while watching tv, so she watches yt w/headphones on and mum goes on and on about how it'll ruin her ears and that is's awful how obsessed w/phone she is - so the anti-tech boomer talk - while this is her only way to make it enjoyable which is her very right and mum is bullying her with these kinds of justifications - and this has been one of the things dad started asserting his disagreement over, which mum has started telling him how weak he makes her seem and how he is betraying her and how she doesn't have his support anymore - aka victimizing herself bc things didn't go her way.

And this has gotten into such a level that I feel they could divorce, but the things is I do not wish that if there is a chance mum gets to heal herself somehow, through talking in therapy and self-reflecting and dad too, basically all of us should go, but I have no idea how likely that will be. But I really want her to go bc I understand her behavior stems from her own undealth with childhood abuse and if they divorce, there is not much that can get better for her in her life bc of her behavior and thoughts - and I still care to the point that I wish this happened instead.

But at the same time if she continues to use the humiliating and intimidating ways (narcissistic abuse) onto all of us, I guess it is healthier if we and her and dad don't live together.

But I can't fear no matter the outcome, it's all gonna come back down to how /I/ am the source of this all - "if I had held back, things wouldn't get to this". I wish dad will soon understand that even if I do smth or not, the source problem is her abusive behavior and not me stirring the water.

I also started my first uni semester, the first exams are coming quite soon and this is not helping me to focus at all, yet if I decided not to do anything if I let it slide, I will regret it like all the times I should've stood my ground or called her out for abuse.

So this is just me letting it out somewhere bc I am scared - I do have friends who know abt it but can't do much to actually move the situation, besides supporting me mentally which I value immensely. I also do not want to put the pressure on them more bc of feeling helpless if I tell them every little thing that is happening bc that is also a violation of their own mental space.

So I am thinking of going to speak to a therapist that has helped me with my ocd (now I am aware it is very much connected to the abuse) and my sis too, to explain the situation and ask for advice. But again...if she is the one who would approach mum, while mum being aware that we talked to her (while she imagines all the "dirty" stuff we said abt her to paint her as "dirty"..which...we would be describing her abuse and the perception of our family dynamics which irl is dirty, but it wouldn't be intentional fallible description), I'm not sure how seriously she would take the therapist's reaction.

I am just scared for my dad and scared for what position it is gonna put me in, and scared for mum not being able to see past her behavior and catch the chance to change herself so she wouldn't destroy every relationship she has :(

[marcelock]

Just a question, I as an autistic person headcanon Sherlock as autistic, what're your thoughts on it?

hes canonically autistic for sure, like canonically, you dont have to delegate it to just a headcanon or an “au” or something and i feel very strongly about that. john specifically suggests he has aspergers in thob and as far as im concerned that plus sherlocks “i heard them say aspergers and im looking around like i just walked into the room and knew people were talking about me” face is like….the most we can expect to get on a show that typically has no exposition per se (like mycroft actually saying sherlock has OCD in tab was the most exposition we get on stuff like that as far as i remember? but it was strongly implied he had it through example in HLV before that, so)

and anyway to add to this id think he was (canonically) autistic even without the line in thob because everything he does rings true to me, he visually stims on screen several times (rocking, hand movements, bouncing around, playing with objects), he has difficulty making friends and poor understanding of social cues, flat affect, wears the same thing every day, wears lots of soft fabrics, very heavy coat (a weight stim/comfort object), like john mentions he does enjoy the familiarity of things and people he knows (all the knick knacks in his place that hes sentimental about for example), bit of a finicky eater, literally has comfort objects/people stored in his mind (redbeard) uhhhhh OH CRIME AS A SPECIAL INTEREST how could i forget thats literally such a huge one oh my god

as far as ive ever been concerned his “im a high functioning sociopath” thing has always clearly been a schtick because he tries to seem bigger and scarier than he is, and the moment he says it is conspicuous: when his boss who clearly undermines him has broken into his flat and accused him of being on drugs when he’s at that point worked hard to be clean for what we can tell is some time, if he just yelled “leave me alone im autistic!” unfortunately it would only make him seem like. more childish and in need of pity, which isnt great but thats my take vis a vis the attitudes of the world around us as a whole, u feel me??? (also this is why he seems annoyed in thob that john blew up his spot in front of this very boss) (also also the same goes for this recurring thing about sherlock being a child on the show which is def an autistic coded thing to say and i have mixed feelings abt but kjdfgldhfgl im not trying to yfip anyone here ANYWAY)

MORE IMPORTANTLY even beyond bbc i think its really clear autism is a thread running through sherlock holmes starting from the jump and it should be a core element of who he is in any good adaptation like you cant have sherlock holmes without john watson, without mystery, without him being gay, or without him being autistic. (and in my personal opinion trans too)

IN CONCLUSION TL;DR: my opinion on headcanoning sherlock as autistic is that the only thing wrong with it is calling it a “headcanon”