#and this is DEFINITELY not a fandom account

[olderthannetfic]

I accidentally killed my own desire to write, and I need some advice. To be really blunt about it, what's the point of writing? When I would spend lots of time laboring over making a good story with a plot and characters who were in-character and connecting all the dots narratively so payoffs were satisfying, my reward was dead silence and virtually no clicks. I posted some mindless smut to my side account one day and got more hits in a day than most of my other works combined got in a year. I know, I know. "Write for ~*~yourself~*~" is the common response. It's the "be yourself!" of writing. It's supposed to be a magical phrase that'll make everything okay. But... I don't like knowing that something I spend months working on won't be read by anyone while something I write in a car while bored got thousands of clicks. I don't like making something I'm proud of and then no one ever looks at it. That's not fun for me. It's not fulfilling.

For a solid decade, I've tried to ignore how the level of interactivity in fandom is falling. Fewer comments. Fewer kudos. No comments in the bookmarks. You put your tumblr and Discord in the AN and get a handful of asks and one person who adds you, talks to you twice and then ghosts you. Most of the comments are "well, actuallys", made even more annoying by them being wrong as opposed to actually correcting an error. I avoid fandom drama, wank, and infighting. I don't engage with things I know will make me unhappy. I try to be happy over in my own little corner. I comment on every single work I read. I want people to enjoy fandom. I used to.

Some dumb smut I wrote in 40 minutes gets five times the hits of the writing I'm most proud of, and it gets it in just under three months. I am not a great smut writer. I haven't stumbled onto an incredible talent I had that makes it so the issue is that I'm so amazing my smut brings all the boys to the yard. People just don't like what I write and put effort into. It's very likely that despite 20 years of writing fic, I suck at writing. And people enjoy my writing most when they don't have to put up with anything substantial and can just skip to the sex.

So for the last eight months, when I write, I just sort of give up. Close the Word doc without saving. No one will read this. No one cares about this. There is no fan eagerly awaiting every update like I await updates from my favorite authors. There's not even someone saying, "update soon!" Close the Word doc. Delete old WIPs. There's no point. I do not tell stories worth reading. I used to. In the FFN days people genuinely enjoyed my work. I'd never have had an opportunity to do the 'I won't update until I get 3 reviews' thing because getting that many on a chapter was usually something I'd do overnight. Post before bed. Wake up. Read the reviews before school. I peaked in high school, I guess.

And now I'm just sort of lost. I still have lots of ideas. Ideas for fics fall into my head all the time. That's never been a problem. What I don't have is any motivation to write them. What's the point of writing? If no one else is reading, I guess the point would be so I could go back and read my own story and have fun with it. Write for myself. But I can review the story and have fun with it in my head without writing it down. It's substantially faster and more importantly, isn't incredibly depressing.

So, at the risk of definitely being calld the second-coming of True Art Anon or a troll or validation-seeking or haha mentally ill haha... what's the point of writing?

--

Okay, so write porn in a car while you're bored.

Look, you can whine all you want about my response, but what you've written here is blatantly about depression.

Lots of people in fandom are still interacting. And no, it isn't just on fics that are objectively written to some pro fiction standard or whatever. Teenagers still breathlessly review poorly spelled cracky masterpieces about this year's big anime and so forth.

Yes, there may be reasons why you in particular are in a slump when it comes to fandom friendships or "plz update" comments. We can talk about that. But this ask is all gloom about fandom in general. That's not realism: that's you having a problem.

--

As for why a person should write: because the actual hours you spend doing the writing are fun.

If they aren't pleasurable in some way, find another hobby.

--

But if you want an answer to the age old "Why did my 5 minute fic get 1000000x more asspats", I've seen meta about this for literally decades.

The most likely reason is that the fic we write quickly and without much thought often feels fresher and more fun. The things we labor over endlessly can feel overworked. Even in cases where they don't, they're often heavier subject matter or more niche subject matter. On top of all that, we just care more, so even a high level of feedback doesn't really feel like enough for the effort and care we put in.

--

Do you really need me to tell you why you don't feel the same as in high school when things were fresh and new?

Go read up on combatting burnout or dealing with post-college anxiety or managing stress in a dead-end job in your 30s or finding meaning in your 40s or whatever is going on.

Everyone goes through fallow periods in fandom and in life.

Feeling reinvigorated has to do with internal factors and some general life circumstance stuff. It doesn't have that much to do with number of kudos. That's just the surface trigger for a mood that was already there.

[possessionisamyth]

Not to kick a dead horse, but there is a way to make Pier's death genuinely very loaded and tragic that fandom consensus just seems to continue to miss! I've never seen a take about Piers's death being about PIERS, but all about "ooohh chris lost a good one" and how the two are not able to fuck anymore. But I am going to free you from these shackles while I zero in on Chris' comment of

"I wanted him to replace me."

Surely Piers was being trained to take Chris' job ideally after a decent retirement party, but neither of them get that luxury because Edonia happens, and Chris is gone. The beloved captain has vanished, and the person who's supposed to take his job is right there, so they give it to him. It's Piers responsibility to not only be a face of what the BSAA represents, but also the heavy shackles of expectations are slapped onto him.

Everyone wants Chris, which means Piers can't be himself nor figure out how to run the same jobs his way. No, it has to be Chris' way. There's no time for anyone to adjust and shift gears either with the C-Virus outbreaks, the terrorist attacks from Ada*(Carla), and the search party he shambled together to locate the missing Redfield. So he tries his damnedest to fill Chris' shoes and suddenly realizes just how out of his depth he is. There were so many reasons people called Chris for certain tasks, even tasks Piers hadn't known about and definitely hadn't been trained on, that Piers never saw. There's no mentor to dial. No reference other than fellow soldiers saying things like, "We don't know how, he just got it done," which is the least helpful thing in the world. Hell, there's barely any notes to go through when he searches Chris' office for a semblance of a hint as to how he should do this job.

Maybe it turns out Chris was doing his best to gently ease that heavy mantle into Piers' hands. It's why his scheduled retirement seemed so far away at the time. Perhaps, after one comment too many where he'd been accidentally addressed by the name of his captain for the 50th time, Piers breaks. He can't do this. He's not ready for this. He needs the one person who did all this back by any means necessary, so he drops all the work and joins the search party. He verbally harasses an amnesiac Chris into coming back because maybe it isn't that bad. Maybe Chris just needs a reminder of what he's been doing everyday for literal years and things would be back to normal again.

But it's not. It's messier. It's uglier. This isn't the Chris he worked so hard to fight alongside. There are glimpses of him in there, but most of the time in China, Piers feels like he's working with a stranger. People die, and Chris keeps pushing forward no matter how much he's shouted at, and Piers feels like this is all his fault. The deaths are his fault because he couldn't buckle down and do what Chris originally wanted him to do. Take Chris' place. Replace him. Be better than him.

So when they go to that underwater facility, and their backs are against the wall, there's the looming sense of failure and a terrifying amount of pressure. If they get out of this alive, who knows when Chris would be back in shape to work again if that ever happens. Piers would have to be responsible. He was already responsible for the squad he gathered to take up this job, and they were skewed into pieces around downtown Lanshiang. Take Chris' place. Replace him. Be better than him, and Piers failed on all accounts. He couldn't get Chris back the way he was supposed to be. His squad was dead. The responsibility he'd have to take up if they made it out alive would be nigh unbearable, and then he gets infected.

He gets infected and suddenly the decision is so easy. To let go. To hope for the best. To be the one left behind when he was supposed to be the one moving towards the future. Another glimpse of the Chris that Piers knew is seen, a more confident glimpse wherein Chris does everything he can to try and save him. And Piers smiles when Chris fails. When he saves Chris. When he seems to finally do one thing right after things never seemed to stop falling apart.

It's the last thing Chris sees. That smile and the ever encroaching weight of immeasurable responsibility that'll grasp him tight as soon as he breaks the surface. The weight Piers couldn't take from him, and maybe never wanted in the first place.

[loverdude]

random question but did u happen to run a cookie run mod blog named cookilicious-kin like a couple years back? aparently something happened to one of their mods and i cant find like anything about it but im like horribly curious :') if u aren't just disregard this lol

Nope lol I did not! I haven't even heard of that at all

The only kin blog I was ever involved in was an Eddsworld one when I was like fucking 14 (like 7 years ago) LMAO

Sorry tho!!

[pink-anonymous-person]

doodle doodle brainrot !!!

[0unfortunately0]

Interest check:

It’s unlikely but let’s say hypothetically I were to translate the Shama short story from Nilfruits’s book. Would anyone be interested in reading it? Asking bc the Night Rule story translation was a flop post and I am not putting in effort for a 3x longer story that no one will read.

[tiny-tk]

hi friends !! bit of a different post this time, but i wanna talk about disney and it’s place in the agere community.

i won’t get into specifics, but events in palestine r making a lot of people (including me) decide to boycott disney by not doing anything that lets them make money. if you don’t know about this, i rly rly encourage you to do ur own research (ideally while not in little space since it’s .. very rough topics) and make ur own choice on wether or not u wanna support them after knowing the full story of what’s going on n disney’s involvement.

this post is for littles who feel conflicted by the calls for a boycott!!

first of all, i know it can be scary to find out that something you’ve been giving money to for merch or subscriptions or whatever is going to a bad place. but no one is blaming you for that, and if you didn’t know then you didn’t know. but you can always change!!

"why are people boycotting disney?"

i won't go in depth to keep this post little-safe, but essentially the israeli military is currently doing terrible things to the people of palestine, and disney is helping them fund and promote it. here's a couple links that go more in-depth if you want to learn, but i'd recommend not reading them while regressed:

https://insidethemagic.net/2023/11/disney-israel-palestine-boycott-jc1/

https://www.dailygamecock.com/article/2023/12/column-why-boycotting-for-palestine-gaza-is-important-opinion-vanderhorst#:~:text=There%20are%20currently%20three%20main,financially%20or%20through%20public%20statements.

but i mostly encourage you to try n find out on your own, rather than listening to some random tumblr user about it.

“but disney is a huge comfort source for me.”

this doesn’t have to change. you don’t have to stop liking their movies n shows. you don’t have to stop loving your toys or books of disney characters. if something brings you comfort, that is sacred, and no one can take that away. a lot of disney media made me who i am today, and yet i’m still writing this post against the company, these things can both be true !!

similarly, agere is a safe space for so many people, which can be used to justify supporting things that really don't deserve our support, since people want to protect themselves by not finding out why. put bluntly, people knowing that there are problems, but choosing to ignore them, is part of the problem itself. if you feel at all capable of educating yourself, please do. it's so important.

“ok, so what can i do?”

if you’ve decided to join the boycott, that’s wonderful!! all that is being asked, is to not spend money on anything from disney. so branded food, toys, a disney+ subscription, stuff like that. if you’re used to doing that a lot, here’s some alternatives!

. :+* get disney toys second hand - they’re pre-loved!! they’ve already started a life with someone, and they’re eager to continue it with a new kid

. :+* pirate shows n movies instead !! this can be a little tricky to figure out, but it’s how i watch pretty much everything hehe, and can be a lot of fun! alternatively, you could just borrow a friend’s subscription or buy dvds second hand if you have a dvd player.

. :+* get merch from independent sellers. this way, you still get brand new things with ur favorite disney characters, but you also get to support independent creators n not support disney the brand !! also, these are often higher quality than official products too, which is like bonus points.

. :+* if you're posting about somethin disney related, add a note that lets people know that you don't support the brand n encourages ppl to find out why for themselves

it’s a tough change to make, but any help is better than no help. if you aren’t sure what i’m talking about, please do your own research. the scale of what’s happening in palestine is huge, and boycott movements like this have been proven to cause real positive change in the past. i won’t get mad at anyone for choosing not to boycott, but it’s important to me that as many people as possible consciously make that choice for themselves, instead of blindly following a company that’s using their money to hurt people.

hearing about terrible things happening is exhausting, regardless of how much you're doing to help. but try to remember that any action is better than nothing, especially with activism, and keep doing whatever you can. <3 take care of yourselves friends !!

[narmothewraith]

Was watching YouTube shorts and got inspired ✨️

Percy is wearing a shark pyjama/costume :D

[travis-ph3lps-24]

I know we don't really know each other and you probably have your opinions of me. I thought maybe if I told you how I feel, things could be different. The truth is, I can't stop thinking about you. I'm crazy about you. I think you're amazing! But I know these feelings are wrong. It's not the way a boy should feel. Shame swallows me whole. My father would kill me but I can't live in his shadow forever I just...

What is this? I'm lost.

[a-star-that-burns-brightly]

I really want to make a DRDT Confessions account after CH2 is over because I love hearing other people's thoughts and opinions even if I personally disagree with them, I think it would be fun to see what people submit, and I think having spaces like confession accounts is very important when it comes to fandom. but at the same time confession accounts from what I've seen tend to get very out-of-hand (>_>||)

[pepperpixel]

which fandom do you think you were most involved in

Hmmmmm, this is a tough question!!! But also, an interesting one lol. I’d say, in terms of actually creating and uploading art it’d be either Undertale or SCP! Most likely it’s SCP but I remember being RLLY into Undertale back when it first came out and drawing a bunch of stuff for it

But, in terms of the fandom I was MOST personally involved and invested and ride or die on for the longest amount of my life, regardless of amount of fanart I’ve drawn (cuz robots r hard to draw…) it would without question be transformers lol, I’ve been obsessed with that shit since like 5th grade… I used to read thru tfwiki pages just for fun as a child and to see the funny captions on photos or the interesting trivia. I had one of crashboombangers old brainstorm voice clips as my alarm clock back then and it was DEVASTATINGLY LOUD, I shared my room w someone else back then and had that as my alarm and little me, had no sense of common decency towards someone else’s sleep cuz that shit was like a bomb went off at 5:30. It was terribly loud ghgh-

I was, And still am kinda obsessed with sharing and showing transformers to ppl cuz I think it’s rlly good!!! (Generally I show Tfp to ppl first cuz it’s a very cool well made entertaining show that I feel is a good entry point. But like. I enjoy a lot of the different versions, and showing them to ppl!) And I want more ppl! To care about and be obsessed w these hot sexy awesome giant robots!!! They’ve literally informed so much of my interests ghgh- and actually, I went back and checked my deviantart. And I don’t have a lot of my old transformers art on this blog. Cuz I had an old one I accidentally deleted before this one. But I’ve actually drawn MORE transformers art than I have scp art… apparently. I mean they might be evened out considering I haven’t rlly made many transformers videos like I have for scp. But still! Yeah.. transformers was and still is my favorite shit ever. I don’t draw a lot of stuff for it but it is always in my heart.

[alucardsathomewife]

Happy New Year, I'm writing more fan fiction!

Throughout the time reading hellsing fics, I've seen a somewhat annoying pattern, so this is basically grown as my own parody of it (still keeping themes of normal fics)

There will even be pictures in the chapters if yall are interested. 🔔🔔🔔

This is just some cover art ❤️

[fitpacs]

,

[2-late-2-the-party]

rly pisses me off that there are so many good donghua (chinese animated shows) but they don't get the same kind of international recognition as anime ngl

[bl-bracket]

All this Himbo prelims thing is making me re-evaluate a lot of characters, it's really fun! Like, is Chen Yi kind enough to considered a himbo? Imp, no. Cao Weining however, now that I'm thinking about it, fits the definition pretty well. Which makes him and Gu Xiang a himbo-for-himbo couple! Power to them!

And I'm discovering other characters too!!

Anyway I'm having a lot of fun, wanting to say thank you for organizing this! (and thank you to everyone who submitted characters!) <3

Yes! I studied philosophy in school so I've got a lot of experience in the whole process of writing a comprehensive definition of something and figuring out what does or does not fit within that definition. and it's really fun to take fandom terms like himbo and treat them with the same level of seriousness and really analyze if a character fits into that definition or not. It is really interesting for characters who at first blush seem to fit until you really look at them and hold them up to your definition! And characters who you would not think of at all until you really look into it and realize that they fit perfectly!

Also yes Cao Weining and Gu Xiang being himbo4himbo is something that never once crossed my mind until this bracket and now I love them even more.

And you're welcome!!! I love organizing things like this!!! It's very fun for me!!! I'm also so glad that you're finding new characters through this!!! That's very cool!!!

[sugashiro]

Since the pilot for The Amazing Digital Circus came out a few hours ago and became my new obsession, I want to show my other favorite characters (besides Pomni) if anyone was curious :) (somehow)

(Every single character so far seems so interesting and unique and I'm excited for what Gooseworx and Glitch Production will cook up next for this indie animated show)

[cafecitoeddie]

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