#this is definitely the most important post i’ve made on this account

[tiny-tk]

hi friends !! bit of a different post this time, but i wanna talk about disney and it’s place in the agere community.

i won’t get into specifics, but events in palestine r making a lot of people (including me) decide to boycott disney by not doing anything that lets them make money. if you don’t know about this, i rly rly encourage you to do ur own research (ideally while not in little space since it’s .. very rough topics) and make ur own choice on wether or not u wanna support them after knowing the full story of what’s going on n disney’s involvement.

this post is for littles who feel conflicted by the calls for a boycott!!

first of all, i know it can be scary to find out that something you’ve been giving money to for merch or subscriptions or whatever is going to a bad place. but no one is blaming you for that, and if you didn’t know then you didn’t know. but you can always change!!

"why are people boycotting disney?"

i won't go in depth to keep this post little-safe, but essentially the israeli military is currently doing terrible things to the people of palestine, and disney is helping them fund and promote it. here's a couple links that go more in-depth if you want to learn, but i'd recommend not reading them while regressed:

https://insidethemagic.net/2023/11/disney-israel-palestine-boycott-jc1/

https://www.dailygamecock.com/article/2023/12/column-why-boycotting-for-palestine-gaza-is-important-opinion-vanderhorst#:~:text=There%20are%20currently%20three%20main,financially%20or%20through%20public%20statements.

but i mostly encourage you to try n find out on your own, rather than listening to some random tumblr user about it.

“but disney is a huge comfort source for me.”

this doesn’t have to change. you don’t have to stop liking their movies n shows. you don’t have to stop loving your toys or books of disney characters. if something brings you comfort, that is sacred, and no one can take that away. a lot of disney media made me who i am today, and yet i’m still writing this post against the company, these things can both be true !!

similarly, agere is a safe space for so many people, which can be used to justify supporting things that really don't deserve our support, since people want to protect themselves by not finding out why. put bluntly, people knowing that there are problems, but choosing to ignore them, is part of the problem itself. if you feel at all capable of educating yourself, please do. it's so important.

“ok, so what can i do?”

if you’ve decided to join the boycott, that’s wonderful!! all that is being asked, is to not spend money on anything from disney. so branded food, toys, a disney+ subscription, stuff like that. if you’re used to doing that a lot, here’s some alternatives!

. :+* get disney toys second hand - they’re pre-loved!! they’ve already started a life with someone, and they’re eager to continue it with a new kid

. :+* pirate shows n movies instead !! this can be a little tricky to figure out, but it’s how i watch pretty much everything hehe, and can be a lot of fun! alternatively, you could just borrow a friend’s subscription or buy dvds second hand if you have a dvd player.

. :+* get merch from independent sellers. this way, you still get brand new things with ur favorite disney characters, but you also get to support independent creators n not support disney the brand !! also, these are often higher quality than official products too, which is like bonus points.

. :+* if you're posting about somethin disney related, add a note that lets people know that you don't support the brand n encourages ppl to find out why for themselves

it’s a tough change to make, but any help is better than no help. if you aren’t sure what i’m talking about, please do your own research. the scale of what’s happening in palestine is huge, and boycott movements like this have been proven to cause real positive change in the past. i won’t get mad at anyone for choosing not to boycott, but it’s important to me that as many people as possible consciously make that choice for themselves, instead of blindly following a company that’s using their money to hurt people.

hearing about terrible things happening is exhausting, regardless of how much you're doing to help. but try to remember that any action is better than nothing, especially with activism, and keep doing whatever you can. <3 take care of yourselves friends !!

[hellobabydoll333]

How I manifest

Okay so I’ve consciously manifested a lot of things. Most of them I can’t even remember because I’ve known about the law for a long time, but I’ve only recently started to properly apply what I’ve learnt, so my past successes-before recently were scattered and I still didn’t realize what I was doing to achieve these successes but now I do.

I used to think people/blogs were always so vague and now I understand that it was the complete opposite. It was just THAT simple. Whatever resonates with you, there’s no need to over-analyze it over-consume. You know what to do. But Here’s what I did:

So I wanted a couple things. I made a whole note in my notes app… I made it a one week challenge.

I wrote ‘Stay loyal to the desired state until ___ (date). Come back and note progress.’

Desires:

Money

SP

Beauty

Results:

Everyday I look at myself in the mirror, I notice I’m getting prettier & prettier.

Had a conversation over text with this guy who is absolutely horrible at replying to texts. And we called a couple times as well. When I saw the first text (diff occasion than the conversation) I screamed literally and that’s honestly what started these successes and made me realize what I was doing.

My bank account definitely looks better at the end of the week than the start.

Trusting my imagination & loving in it has become so much easier

What I reminded myself of:

If I had ___ would I be worrying?

I love living in my imagination. It’s so fun up here.

I am my own guarantee.

The main things is that you need to take your focus off of the 3D & take back your power completely. I took control and I told myself I will persist no matter what. Of course, I slipped up sometimes but I returned to the state of ‘idc I’m the creator, whatever I say goes’. I wanted to call it the Barbie state because you know our girl Barbie is all about belief in herself but you know, it has a lot of names, wtv.

The point is that all you have to do is believe in yourself, you don’t even have to do that, just decide you have what you want/you’re getting what you want- whatever, decide something and stick with it. Stick with it. Stick with it. Discipline is so important. Think about how good things will be once you do. Think about how good things are because you are sticking with it. Be more present in having. Enjoy experiencing it. Whatever method/non method makes you feel fulfilled & like you have what you want (because you do) & you don’t even need to feel like you have it to have it so don’t even stress about that part, hunnies. But It’s so much fun, I promise.

Links to some posts that I honestly believe will help you with discipline & not motivation bc fuck motivation. It’s discipline you need:

Why you keep on failing by @heavenangelly

“Ignore the 3D” by @nondualiber

HOW TO ACTUALLY FEEL FULFILLED to by @luckykiwiii101

Motivation Is Not The Key 🔑 by @luckykiwiii101

And that’s it. This is so detailed. Hope this helped you!

Mwuah

[upsidedownwithsteve]

A message.

I’d like to start by saying once more (due to it being the cause of so many hateful messages) that I support Palestine.

I donate to charities that fund several of the organisations that help and I use my business in the best way I can to give my services for free to fundraisers that also raise money for these causes. Shy of showing you my personal bank statements and private emails between myself and my clients, I don’t have any ways of showing this on tumblr.

I have several social media platforms, I have a business that I run, I have friends and family I talk to, I have an entire life off of this website. I choose to use tumblr to post my writing and for the most part, it’s become a really important space for me. Writing is one of the few things I truly do for myself. I enjoy it immensely and it can really bring me a lot of peace.

I choose not to blog anything other my writing, other people’s writing and general fandom related things on my blog because I like to keep it as that small space for myself and one of the things I love most. I understand wholly that that is a privilege in itself and I will not shy away from that fact.

However, I will not condone being hunted for the choices I make. For the vast majority of you, I am a stranger online and no one, absolutely no one, knows what I do off of this website. I won’t allow anyone to judge me on what they don’t see and don’t understand.

The size of my following was not a choice I made, it was not something I deliberately aimed for and it was not something I tried hard to make sure I achieved. It wasn’t the goal of this blog. I don’t deem myself capable of “influencing” anyone in anyway. I’m a fanfiction writer. I’m not a politician, I don’t claim to be the most educated person on political and worldwide matters. I simply would like to believe that everyone tries to help in anyway they can. I know not everyone has the financial means to donate and instead they choose to raise awareness in other ways - that’s absolutely okay.

But I - and others - do not have to follow the rule book someone else deemed law. You see, I gave my views and reasons and it wasn’t good enough. And now, if I chose to reblog certain things, I’m pretty sure I’d be dragged for being performative, or “back tracking.” I fear that with some people, who like to hide behind an anonymous button, I cannot win. Despite an argument revolving around real life issues, I think I can safely say it came across as a very personal attack.

As other people have mentioned before, I also don’t enjoy the idea of writing smut and happy ever after’s about our favourite fictional men and then reblogging the death of others in real life straight after. I know that’s the world right now. I’m aware. I read articles, I watch the news, I follow accounts on Twitter, on Instagram and I try and keep myself as up to date and as educated as possible. I just don’t show that on this one platform.

As many of you know, I do run my own business. I’m also five months pregnant. I’m definitely experiencing more stress than I usually do. I’m very happy and enjoying my pregnancy immensely but I struggled with sickness and tiredness for the majority of it so far. Whats to come in the next four months and beyond fills me with excitement and anxiety and nerves. Coming onto tumblr and writing about fiction is a little reprieve from that - again, a privilege I am so aware of.

But I won’t be tolerating any more hateful messages, I won’t be arguing with anyone. I’m not lowering myself to it. You can talk about me passively aggressively, you can choose to hate me, that’s fine. I’m happy blocking people and moving on. Anons will be off indefinitely, it’s been proven that too many people are willing to hide behind them. After the messages regarding myself and my unborn child, quite frankly, there’s not a lot of trust left when it comes to knowing how far people will sink.

I’ve said all I’d like to say on the matter, I’ve told people where I stand, my views on the genocide that is occurring, what I’m able to do about it in my personal life and why I choose to keep this particular space the way I do.

I hope everyone can try to understand and respect that. If you don’t, that’s fine, that’s your prerogative. I don’t go out of my way to challenge, or police, or demand things from people I do not know. I hope that no one thinks that they have the right to do that to myself and others. I’m under no obligation to follow someone else’s rules.

I don’t know what the future holds for this blog, pregnancy and real life is very much taking priority over writing at the moment, but I do like to try when I can. I can’t lie either, the messages and their content that I received really left me feeling dejected and frustrated, this fandom really has turned into something rather poisonous. I’d like to be able to rise above it and in the mean time, even if I’m not always present, I’d like people to be able to access the stories I worked really hard on.

Thank you for reading,

Emmy 🧡

[valyrfia]

I am VERY skeptical about the RBR Charles thing but they (see: Charles, RBR personell of all kinds) keep being SO WEIRD AND SUSPICIOUS about it

Yep yep yep. I go through cycles of being completely convinced and then calling myself delusional, but the fact remains that Max changed his tune on being teammates with Charles recently, Charles keeps talking about Max in interviews praising BOTH his performance and the car, Christian Horner is posting Max and Charles on Instagram as is the RBR account. I genuinely believe Red Bull are at LEAST trying to seriously poach him.

I'm still unsure as to whether they're working towards 2024 or 2025 (as Red Bull have proven with the recent talks with Lando, they're more than happy to buy out someone's contract), but I am leaning more towards 2025, and I believe that Charles at RBR is a real, serious possibility in 2025. Let me explain why.

First, Checo still has a contract through 2024 and while Red Bull aren't always great with honouring contracts, I think the recent popularity and love they've witnessed first-hand for Checo in Texas and Mexico might change their mind on letting him go early. Ultimately, Red Bull Racing is marketing for Red Bull, and Checo obviously brings in sales in North America, and them mistreating Checo might lead to a sales dip in that region. This is why I think, despite the media frenzy, RBR are highly unlikely to drop Checo for 2024. There is no way that RBR is renewing Checo's contract, but at least he can see it out and they can part ways without much damage to either of them at the end of the F1 2024 Season.

Charles's current contract with Ferrari is also up at the end of the 2024 season. Again, even though 2023 has been absolute dogshit for Charles and Ferrari, I don't see that contract ending early. For one, Charles has apparently been promised that the 2024 car will be developed according to his needs and preferences, and it is ridiculous to leave a team who has made you that promise, even if that team is as flakey as Ferrari. I think Charles is waiting to see if the team does change in 2024 before he pushes for contract renewal. It's important to note here that contrary to popular opinion, I believe the ball is completely in Charles's court here when it comes to renewal. He is the Ferrari golden prince, he is Ferrari in a way that no driver really ever has been before, I think it was evident in Monza this year most of all. Carlos drives for Ferrari, and Charles is Ferrari and you could see it in the way that the tifosi treated them. They love Carlos, they adore and worship Charles. This is how Charles managed to convince them to build a car for him in 2024, and it's how I believe Charles is putting off the contract negotiations. This is a key point. Carlos's extended media team and family have complained several times about Carlos not being able to begin contract negotiations because of Charles in some way and Ferrari unwilling to negotiate with Carlos until they've settled Charles (I think this is due to the fact that they only intend to keep one of them and they'd like it to be Charles, but that's an essay for another day). So Charles has himself in a position where he doesn't have to commit to the team unless he sees that it is going to grow in the way he wants it to.

To quote Charles, "I view it in a way that whenever I won’t believe in the project anymore, that probably will be the time when I’ll have to go away. Because it’s in these kinds of situations that you don’t get the best out of yourself, that you don’t help the team as much as it needs to be helped. But this is definitely not the case at the moment. I believe in the project as much as I’ve ever believed in the project before. Especially since Fred arrived. So for now it’s clear. Then it’s also clear that I want to win. But I believe in this project and I’m sure we are working in the right direction.”

So maybe 2024 happens and Ferrari brings a championship-contender car, in which case Charles signs with Ferrari, they get rid of Carlos and probably bring in Alex Albon as a n2.

But I'm not interested in that outcome, I'm interested in what is (in my mind anyway) the far more likely outcome, sheerly due to money and Ferrari internal politics (which again, whole other essay!) which is that nothing really changes for the better at Ferrari. Maybe Charles gets a win by sheer luck and a slightly better car, but overall the strategy continues to not favour him, and Charles in general loses faith in what he refers to as the project. And we know from Charles himself that when this happens, this is when he goes away.

So I've presented an argument for why Red Bull are going to let Checo see out his contract, I've presented a strong possibility for why Charles might be looking to leave Ferrari at the end of 2024. Now I'm going to try and convince you of why out of all the options it'll be Charles joining Red Bull.

First of all, from Charles's point of view regarding teams. I'm going to rule out Alpha Tauri, Haas, Williams, Alfa Romeo, and Alpine, either because they're junior teams or I don't see them willing to fork over huge amounts of money to get Charles onboard. This leaves Mercedes, McLaren, Aston Martin, and Red Bull.

Out of all the non RBR options, I'd say that Mercedes is the most likely, but both their drivers are signed until 2025. There is always a possibility that Lewis Hamilton decides its time to leave the sport and buys himself out of his own contract, but I think that's not likely to happen next year.

Similar to Mercedes, both McLaren drivers are signed until at least 2025 and both look likely to honour that contract. Red Bull have tried to poach Lando multiple times, and Lando doesn't seem too keen on it yet, so we can assume that he intends to at least see his current contract out. Aston Martin is slightly trickier because I see them as being willing to fork over the millions needed to get Charles Leclerc to drive for them, but on the other hand they don't look close to producing a championship car, and Charles Leclerc is not switching away from Ferrari to not win a championship.

So, this leaves RBR as Charles's best destination for 2025 were he to leave Ferrari. Not only do they have a seat opening up, but they also have shown themselves capable of constructing recent championship-winning cars, and outclass every other team almost every weekend on strategy at the moment. Now that we've established that Charles's team of choice would be RBR, the final point of the argument has to be establishing why Charles would be RBR's driver of choice over let's say, Lando or Daniel.

To me the answer is simple, as so eloquently illustrated by my great friend and scholar Nat (@tsarinablogs) in her The PR of Lestappen in 2023 Essay (also known as Lestappen Gate 2023), Charles is not just good at PR, he's brilliant, and Red Bull isn't a racing company, it's a marketing venture. Having Charles on board would be their greatest asset and Charles has done much to make himself desirable, from being personable in almost all fan interactions to building a solid digital following, to being sometimes sneaky and subliminal with his sponsorship messaging (him always putting on APM Monaco immediately after a race, even before the podium and interviews, hell even Charles and Privateplanegate yesterday), to signing with a literal US entertainment agency. I cannot stress enough how the timing of the WME signing is not accidental, this is Charles making himself be seen as a highly desirable PR asset. Charles has the second highest following on social media out of any current driver, second to only 7 TIME WDC WINNER LEWIS HAMILTON. That sort of audience, and the kind of exposure it can bring to your team and your brand is insane.

Also, as an addendum to Nat's essay using something she herself brought up to me yesterday: any PR for RBR is good PR because it means that Red Bull as a concept is sticking around in people's heads, which means they're more likely to notice and buy the drinks off the shelves. Extrapolating from this we can see that Red Bull signing Charles would ultimately be better marketing than Red Bull signing Lando just because of the absolute uproar it would cause. Whether you think that Red Bull saved Charles from Ferrari, or Charles betrayed Ferrari for Red Bull, or Charles saved himself from Ferrari, or Red Bull as the Big Evil Team poached the Prince of Ferrari, there's a compelling narrative in there and people will talk about it for years to come.

Finally, not to talk about the driving aspect of motorsports, but Charles is the best fit for Red Bull driving-wise as well. Him and Max have spoken in the past about how they both prefer very similar types of car (ie. strong oversteer, borderline undriveable to anyone else) which would make car development much easier for the team. Christian Horner has also been pretty candid about wanting two n1 drivers à la Lewis and Nico (although without the toxicity), and whether you believe that Charles matches Max in equal machinery or not, Charles's racing record is a lot stronger than Lando's or Dan's (the two other possible competitors for the RBR seat). Charles fits the bill, driver-profile-wise, of the complement to Max that Christian Horner is looking for.

So, long story short, I am watching Ferrari VERY closely these next few months. If the SF-24 doesn't make Charles happy, I am going to make a bold claim that we will see Charles Leclerc driving for Red Bull in 2025.

[maxxy-b]

Hi everyone,

I don’t know where to start actually; it’s been so long...

I’m making this post to clarify some things about this blog. I started to gain weight on purpose and actively not so long ago and at this time I loved it, I regret nothing about that. But some events in my life made me rethink about myself and what I really want/need.

Recently I broke up whit my (now) ex-boyfriend, I had to leave the house we bought together, so I moved out. Then I’ve been transferred to another city with my job so I had to move again, it was exhausting. But in the meantime it made me think, and some feelings and thoughts that I’ve buried deep inside me started to come back.

I’ve never really been fully comfortable with the body I have (nothing to do with my overweight) and for several years before meeting the man I shared some years with, I’ve been questioning myself about my identity. Now that I had some time alone to think clearly it appears to me that for more than 15 years I evinced the fact that I’m not feeling well in this woman body. So, for now on I will start transitioning and focusing on my future as a fulfilled man. I’m taking a break about gaining weight, I don’t know yet if or when I’ll come back. Maybe I won’t, I can’t tell for now if the feedism will be compatible with my needs as my life gonna change a lot…

I know and understand that some of you won’t stay if I stop sharing about my weight. I won’t delete the account because it’s still a part of me that I don’t want to erase. I just wanted to come out properly and I think I owe you this explanation since some of you are following me for a long time now.

I also know that some reactions will be bad and if there are insults or inappropriate answers to this post I will obviously delete them. I’m not here today to provoke some hate, I needed to express all of those feelings to move on and it feel so good to finally starting to feel myself.

So, please, if you don’t like it just don’t say anything. But I’m not telling this to seek some support either. I’m definitely not seeking for some attention, I want to be clear about that. I just don’t want to leave all of you all of a sudden for no reason.

All of this being said, I’ll still be around here to enjoy fat and proud people sharing their journey. My love for big bellies will never fade ahah

Wishing all of you a bright future, and most important, be and love yourself ♥

[lululawrence]

It’s November, and around my house that means I’m getting into gear with all of my Holiday and Winter Cards! This time of year is always rough for me, but one thing that always makes me happy are Christmas and Winter cards. This is my 9th year doing this, which is hard to believe, but I’m crazy excited to be able to continue the tradition this year, and I'm doing so with something new!

The cards are in the process of being made entirely by me, as always, but this year I'm also trying my hand at watercolors so every card will be unique with a bit of art that is hopefully not horrible adorning the front hehe

I'm still making them, but the rainbow trees in the banner are a preview of the art that will be featured on most of the cards and then I will add my personalized messages and send them filled with all of my love and good vibes! I can't do that without some important information from YOU though! So...

WANT A CARD? HURRAY! Here's how it works.

As stated above, I'm still working on the cards and they might not be sent out in time for Christmas, but they will all be mailed, I promise! haha

Through the rest of the month of November and maybe a little into December, I’ll gather addresses and finish the cards so I can start writing out the cards ASAP. Life happens, so the cards might not all make it to you before the new year, but I’m going to try my best to make it happen! Even if my goal of mailing them in early December doesn’t happen, you’ll definitely get a card at some point if you claim one.

HERE’S WHAT I NEED FROM YOU.

I’ll be collecting addresses using this google form. It’s pretty straight forward, but on the form I will be asking for:

Your address (I will mail them internationally). PLEASE write it out exactly as you would on an envelope, line breaks and all! I’ve had some cards get returned to me in the past because I guessed where the line breaks should be, and I guessed incorrectly, so to avoid that I’d love it if you could tell me where the line breaks are

The name you want me to use for the address as well as the name you would like me to write inside the card. For many, the name will be the same, but for others, it will be different, so to account for that, I’ll have an option for both.

Your tumblr URL. This is just so I can reach out to you if there are any issues.

Your preference in card. I will mostly be making rainbow pride trees affixed to Christmas or winter themed paper, but in case you need your cards to be holiday and rainbow free, I am going to be attempting some winter tree cards as well.

And that’s it! There aren’t any other stipulations or requirements. We don’t need to be mutuals, you don’t even need to be following me or in the fandom tbh. You just need to want a homemade card from me to hopefully bring you some cheer!

Even if you aren’t interested in a card for yourself, please reblog this post and help me spread the word. I would greatly appreciate it!

Thank you, and Happy November!

[youronlybean]

ChilledChaos Appreciation Post Essay :)

There’s a whole lot of negative things I can say about streamers and content creators in general, especially about YouTubers I myself used to watch and enjoy (I have since grown as a person and recognise that they are, whilst not inherently terribly people, unfunny and uncool). However, I prefer to spread positivity wherever I can, so here’s my ChilledChaos appreciation essay.

From watching Chilled’s YouTube content from back in the day to watching his streams for over three years now, he’s one of the best around in my sincere opinion. Whilst things have changed since the early YT days, it’s clear that Chilled remains timeless and just a genuinely good guy. He’s mature and fair, compassionate and understanding, funny and charismatic (despite the ‘sociallyawkward’ tag on his stream lol) and above all else, he has an incredible innate social awareness.

Chilled, outside of being cunning, deceptive and Evil with a capital E for the laughs (CTC: Can’t Trust Chilled!), is at heart a genuinely very empathetic person. For good reason Chilled hosts many of the lobbies in PR1. He makes sure that his players are having fun, constantly checks in on them to make sure his settings are fair and fun for everyone, and will always change a rule if most people agree that it isn’t fun for them. He takes criticism very well and recognises that his players aren’t being critical of him as a person at all when they ask him to change one of his rules. They respect his decisions as much as he respects their opinions, which is incredibly important when playing long-term with a group of people, especially since they all have valued friendship.

He can recognise when things are too loud or chaotic (the occasional stream mute is very refreshing for neurodivergent ears) or when people just aren’t having fun. He recognises when a game is more fun when it’s played frequently and when it’s more of a twice a year kind of game, for both the players’ sake and the audience. He also does his best to make sure everyone gets to play the game as much as possible and protects those who have died early a lot in a session or tries to make a game go quickly if there’s a lot of people dead and waiting.

(I remember when the green shield mechanic was first introduced for Town of Us, Chilled didn’t want to use it because then people wouldn’t learn. He began to use it I think when he realised that the game itself is very unpredictable, and people can’t always pay attention to everything, especially when they’re trying to stream at the same time.)

Chilled also remains true to his morals. He doesn’t do “edgy” jokes (I think everyone knows what I mean by “edgy”), and has consistently put his foot down when topics that definitely should be taken very seriously were joked about. He does this whilst also recognising that there wasn’t harmful intent behind the jokes but that they still shouldn’t be made. The good thing about it is once he tells them to stop joking about something, it is never joked about again (this doesn’t happen often at all but when it does I know I can count on Chilled to be a voice of reason). He doesn’t bring the vibe down when doing so either, simply tells them to stop, they stop and apologise, and everyone moves on. I know this has got to be hard to do on a livestream, especially in front of an audience of thousands and for your job. It’s got to be a lot of pressure. He’s professional about it and takes into account that people make mistakes sometimes and that doesn’t make them bad people. He’s also not afraid to stand up to his friends if they are the ones to blame, but also recognises if he’s in the wrong.

(One particular occasion comes to mind a lot from about a year ago: I won’t go into detail but Chilled was absolutely right, the joke was not funny despite no ill intentions towards anyone, and no joke on that topic has been made since on any PR1 stream I’ve seen. People aren’t perfect, but they can recognise they made a mistake and they did because Chilled took a stance and helped them recognise that it was a bad joke, and was able to criticise his friends without damaging any relationships or respect for each other.)

Chilled also very clearly values his online friendships. He definitely knows how to pick his friends by the people he consistently surrounds himself with and has even maintained some of those friendships for over a decade (Junk, Ze, Tom, Tay, etc.). He’s not afraid to introduce new people into his circle and has great chemistry with just about anyone he talks to. He’s great for matching a chaotic energy or a relaxed one, and is able to keep up a cheerful mood or a good vibe when things are looking rough. He doesn’t take bumps in the road to heart and knows when a bit or joke or even a game has run its course. He has moments outside of his persona when he shows genuine concern and compassion for his friends and even if he talks shit he’ll always admit that he is fond of someone, even if it’s not to their face.

(Here I think of Vikram, and how it’s clear that they are good friends even if Chilled gives him a lot of shit - Vikram does ask for it too though, lol. If Vik is missing from a TOS lobby it’s just not the same without him, a sentiment Chilled has often expressed. He always very sincerely mentions that he hopes his friend is okay if he is suddenly MIA - and this also applies to all other PR1 members)

Chilled is also just insanely funny. It’s obvious to just about anyone that he deserves the large audience he has, as he is a skilled entertainer and knows how to make someone laugh. I mean, what’s funnier than growing a moustache out of pure spite? He worries about balancing so much because he wants everyone to have a fair chance at winning because he knows that losing over, and over, and over again just isn’t fun. He’s very genuinely smart and can admit when he’s wrong, he’s often the first to deduce that someone else is lying (takes one to know one!) and very logically driven (spontaneity is his Achilles heel, best examples being Ze, Vik, Chibi and Side, all of which are either comedically impulsive or refuse to adhere to logic). The fact that he is very in-touch with others emotionally and intellectually (whether he realises it or not) makes him very good at a myriad of things - mystery-solving, game-balancing, entertaining, and literally any of the other things I’ve already said about him and in my excited live-blogging.

(Something I notice just as a general observation about PR1 vs. some content creators I used to watch is that there’s a lack of rage in PR1. Personally I think this is a huge improvement and it’s way more entertaining to watch people having genuine fun and for grown adults to not take losses as failures and not get pissy and rage quit when things aren’t going their way. And the lack of rage-induced slurs thrown around is… well, refreshing, to say the least. - more on this in another post, probably)

Anyway, in conclusion, Chilled is awesome and I have copious amounts of respect for him (even if he is addicted to Yu-Gi-Oh! and doesn’t have gutters lmao)

[thecollectivefixation]

A deep dive into the MK1 cinematics (PT1?)

Hi, I'm a nerd and I like breaking apart scenes for small details and hidden meanings that adds to the overall story. For my first official post on The Collective Fixation blog, Mortal Kombat 1 is going to be topic subject today. I’ll be talking about random scenes in the game and trailer that I found really cool and some of the relationships between characters. (I actually blame my family for introducing me to MK1 the other month and I’ve literally not stopped thinking about it so lets get into it hehehe.)

!WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Ok MK1 is definitely in my top three list of best looking cinematics in video games.

This scene from the trailer was my favourite because it uses the lighting in the building as a medium for foreshadowing. Scorpion (Kuai Liang) being in the warm, bright lighting while Sub-Zero (Bi-Han) being in the cool, dark lighting. The light side referring to Liu Kang as he is first seen with light around him as he ascends down and Shang Tsung representing the dark side as he steps out of dark shadows revealing himself in the trailer. Foreshadowing the betrayal and the two sides of the story that occurs further on in the story.

When Smoke first gets introduced he is seen under red light which can indicate danger or a sense of evil, paired with the dramatic shift in music from calming to almost a startling shift into a intense music. This convinces the audience to think that he is the antagonist in that current moment. The extreme close up on his face shows off his emotions, which is difficult to do since he has the mask on, so actors have to get creative with their facial expressions. We see this with the intense look Smoke has when surveying the area, indicated with his eyebrows and eyes. Also the camera pans left to show off more red light on his face. The camera is below his face making a low camera angle, low camera angles most commonly indicate a sense of power, strength and intimidation to the subject in frame.

(Side note: Live Laugh Love low camera angles, you see them so much in this game and I love itttttt)

The film codes (technical and symbolic) in the scenes between Johnny Cage and Kenshi Takahashi play an important part in the growth of their relationship. When Kenshi is revealed to the audience, the camera pans up from his feet to his sword to his face leaving in at a low camera angle. This increases dramatic tension by slowly revealing to the audience what Johnny sees. When taking in account of the music changing to a upbeat fighting kind of soundtrack the audience makes the conclusion of you guessed it danger, antagonist.

(Ofc cause he isn't the actual villain in the game but as the time he is lol)

(Side note: i love the way the game developers made it so the cameras seems hand held or on a dolly and not fixed in place, seems like we are in the game/story experiencing everything with the characters.)

Not that important but I love how the light from the pool reflects off both Johnny and Kenshi, its all about the details.

Now lets talk about THE SLOW MO BETWEEN JOHNNY AND KENSHI. Gotta admit, it caught me off guard a little, because normally a slow mo is used to focus on a character’s emotional reaction to a person, place or event in that current moment. And after thinking long and hard, I have come up with a conclusion on why the directors made this decision.

To show the tension between Johnny and Kenshi. Kenshi at the beginning of the story does not like Johnny or his ideals, its shown between dialogue when talking about their reasons to becoming Earthrealm defenders and Kenshi disapproval. And is the base of why they interact in the first place, because Kenshi wants Sento and Johnny wont give it over. The slow mo focuses on kenshi’s facial expression of aggravation and intensity about his fight with Raiden and about Johnny’s bad sport man ship in the previous scene with Johnny vs Raiden when Johnny’s ego was talking was basically he talked down Raiden’s abilities. This contrasts Kenshi’s ideals of honour.

(side note again, I haven't done a full deep dive on their characters nor have I done a deep dive on a character so I may have gotten some stuff wrong but I haven't fully played the entire game yet I'm like halfway rn so yea)

Ok that’s all for now, I’ll maybe talk about more scenes once I fully play through the game. Feel free to share your options because I love talking about these kind of things.

-Bookworm

[levmada]

Thank you for responding!

I just remembered another question, you may have broached this topic as well, but I've seen a couple posts floating around that suggest Levi is (on some levels) illiterate.

Personally I don't think current canon Levi is illiterate, but what about Levi in the Underground? There's manga evidence (I believe) that he was at least somewhat exposed to reading (I think I saw a photo of him with Isabel and Furlan with a bookshelf in the background..??).

I can't imagine Kenny advocating for reading when learning survival tactics would be more important by his standards. I think the ability to read is something else that connects Levi to his mother (I haven't see much of anything that would suggest she was a reader), or it was simply a roundabout way of learning another survival skill? ("Knowledge is power"? I.e. having more power over his fate/current situation).

Some of these posts go on to assume the illiteracy spills over into how he writes reports (and that supposedly Hange has to either help him or redo them entirely)

I was curious about how you believe Levi would've approached literacy in his early years.

ugh i’ve gone back and forth on this a couple times😩😩in most of my fics, levi is illiterate when he reaches the surface.

at least, as captain, we know there’s NO WAY he’s illiterate in the present. (and besides, he's seen reading the newspaper in s3 at the end of the uprising. and the labels/books in the basement later).

for a canon reference, it’s said in a smartpass that levi diligently practices his handwriting so that no one knows he’s from the underground. that he has “newspaper level” handwriting. he gets defensive towards Petra when she compliments it😭

you’re absolutely right about the backgrounds. here’s some examples:

clearly farlan knew what he was doing at least😭😭both in the anime and manga, it’s eluded to that farlan is like the ‘co-leader’ that takes care of the money and logistics side of things.

it’s not clear whether levi touches any of that. he IS good (at least competent?) at math though, again like farlan; he did a bit of complex addition in a few seconds.

(sorry i’m just taking the opportunity to post acwnr panels atp…)

math is definitely more important than reading and writing in the underground right? i think the bare minimum reading ability would’ve rubbed off on levi.

KENNY however most definitely didn’t concern levi with that. i mean…😭

i’ve never heard or seen anything connecting kuchel to reading?? pls lmk where you heard that if you don’t mind!! i’m curious.

anyway, it’s canon that levi “learned many things” from erwin around this time of which i must imagine had to do with desk work, knowing levi’s life up to then.

(the account associated with that info has, frustratingly, been deleted since i posted it. i’ll go looking if anyone wants the source)

i’ve never heard the tidbit about hange helping levi with his reports either.

i severely doubt it's real. there’s so many “”””facts”””” out there in the aot fandom, recently i made a long post debunking many and after days of research it’s RLY begun to grind my gears. why can’t this fandom be normal😭that ‘fact’ also sounds like it has shipping reasons behind it, like many others…

anyway, all that said, i do think he was on some level illiterate before reaching the surface.

it’s a mystery for now… but i don’t think kuchel knew how to read. kenny didn’t teach him because it paled in comparison in importance compared to fighting, his image, and so on. if levi could recognize letters grouped together, for instance the names of bars, that was enough.

he picked up on basic math along the way, until farlan came along and it became very important to understand numbers - especially as far as income goes. if not for the sake of the, uh, business levi/farlan were running, in the anime, they were saving up money to go live on the surface with.

((((personal hc but)))) despite his talents, shadis never so much as promoted levi to squad leader during his time as commander. he was too stubborn and stuck in his ways, unable to get past the fact that levi was a thug, and yet had more skill than even their strongest soldier (mike).

when erwin was promoted from captain to commander, he gave levi his position immediately. (which honestly pissed levi off, since he didn’t like the idea of having the lives of a personal squad on his hands…. besides the reading and writing issue.)

erwin would go on to teach levi how to read and write, which levi would go on to master on his own. levi, it seems to me, is the type of person who masters everything he tries, and so with practice and determination, he learns quickly….

you can definitely say he overcompensates because he hates for people to know he’s from the underground. not because of the insults personally, but because it would hurt the SC’s image if captain levi was found out to be a thug before, yk?

that’s my take :)

[bulletproof-arista]

Will Solace’s potential fatal flaws: a character analysis and theory.

Welcome! I’ve been working on this post for awhile now ever since I noticed that Will Solace does not have a fatal flaw. While I believe it would probably be revealed in the upcoming Solangelo book, for the time being, why not make a post on his potential fatal flaws based on what we’ve seen so far of him in canon?

In this post, we will be theorizing on Will’s potential fatal flaws, based on his scenes in the canon series– ranging from the original PJO series to the most recent TOA series. 

DISCLAIMER: Although I had to revisit most books in which I remember he appeared in, some things in this post may be incorrect– such as context, book titles etc– if so, do correct me (but respectfully)! The quotes I will be using will be recycled throughout the post, not because I’m lazy but because the same thing could insinuate many different things. Like I keep on saying in my post, Will so far is a pretty non-developed character. There is big room for interpretation but very little for actual facts. We might be leaning a bit towards fanon– but I made sure it’ll stay as canon as possible. Pls I’m running this shit with crumbs here.

And now, onto the post! Buckle up, it’ll be a long one.

INTRODUCTION:

-What is a fatal flaw?

The concept of fatal flaw originated from Ancient Greece. Alternatively, it can also be called a “Tragic flaw” or “Hamartia”. Like its name indicates, a fatal flaw is an emotional or psychological weakness that could lead a mortal/demigod/immortal to their downfall, or, to put it more dramatically, their death. In the PJO series, death caused by one’s fatal flaw is not unheard of. Thus, it is not all that dramatic either given the fact that it could happen to anyone if they do not learn to control it.

-What causes a fatal flaw?

Personally, the cause for one’s fatal flaw could vary. The fatal flaw could stem from (but not limited to):

one’s talent–Annabeth’s hubris due to her intelligence.

one’s experiences– Luke’s excessive wrath due to his childhood.

one’s godly parentage– like how most Athena kids have hubris as their fatal flaw.

one’s personality, a trait they were simply born with.

-Will Solace’s fatal flaw?

I firmly believe that Will Solace’s fatal flaw stems from the most important part of him– the fact that he is healer. Being a healer is the prominent characteristic of Will. This is what shaped him. Thus, I believe his fatal flaw is also linked to his healer side. 

1. Responsibility 

/rɪˌspɒnsɪˈbɪlɪti/

noun -the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.

-the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.

I included the two definitions of the word because I feel like both could be applied to Will.

This is the most obvious one, what’s with his responsibility as the head medic (and probably the only medic with healing powers) at camp. As well as the fact that he is the oldest sibling of a cabin full of children, and his duty as a counselor. So basically, Will’s responsibility include (but are probably not limited to): head medic, oldest Apollo child and Apollo cabin counselor. Having been a healer since he was TWELVE, and being responsible of a cabin full of children (and consequently taking on more of a parental role than a sibling role for them), Will Solace has a pretty heavy baggage. 

So being exposed to this much responsibility since a very young age, it wouldn’t be surprising if Will feels responsible for everyone that’s surrounding him. And believing that he has to intervene in every situation because he feels like it is his duty. Alternatively, this could explain his… admittedly hilarious tendency of speaking up in tension heavy situations. Perhaps it is not necessarily responsibility that pushes him to act this way (sounds a little bit more like recklessness/impulsiveness), but I decided to include that trait of his in this part anyway.

BULLETPOINT 1:

In the Hidden Oracle, after Kayla and Austin’s disappearance, although Will was just as shaken as the others, he knew he had a responsibility at camp and needed to tend to the injured first and foremost.

I was stunned by his tone. I realized he was just as concerned about Kayla and Austin as I was. The only difference: Will knew his duty. He had to heal the injured first. And he needed my help.

BULLETPOINT 2:

Will defended Rachel against Clarisse, calming the latter down before things could go south.

“She’s right.” Will Solace, head counsellor for the Apollo cabin, put his hand gently on Clarisse’s wrist. Not many campers could’ve done that without getting stabbed, but Will had a way of defusing people’s anger. He got her to lower her dagger. “Everyone in our cabin has been affected. It’s not just Rachel.”

It is explicitly stated that not many people could do such a thing, and yet he did. I believe he knew that he could’ve potentially attract Clarisse’s anger, and yet he still took the risk to calm her down.

BULLETPOINT 3 (speculation):

Every time someone dies from an injury, I believe Will would be blaming himself. He would wonder what he did wrong, and doubt his powers and abilities.

BULLETPOINT 4 (impulsiveness/recklessness):

Here is Will preventing a war from erupting between two opposing camps. What a creative way to save yourself from spending the entire night tending to injured machos! /j

Will Solace saved the day.

He put his fingers in his mouth and did a taxicab whistle even more horrible than the last. Several Greeks dropped their swords. A ripple went through the Roman line like the entire First Cohort was shuddering.

“DON’T BE STUPID!” Will yelled. “LOOK!”

BULLETPOINT 5:

“No one hits my boyfriend,” Will thundered. “And no one kills my dad!”

Quite a courageous thing to say in a room full of powerful ennemies!

Responsibility as his fatal flaw; 

Will would bite more than he can chew, always taking responsibility for everything. The responsibilities would all stack onto his back, becoming overbearing. He would feel responsible for every bad thing that happens, believing that he could have done something to prevent it. He would speak up and do potentially dangerous/reckless things, thinking that it is his responsibility to do so.

2. Stubbornness

/ˈstʌbənnəs/

noun

dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something.

Just like all of his potential fatal flaws, Will’s stubbornness stems from the fact that he is a healer since a very young age. He has been responsible for his patients and KNOWS what to do when they’re under his care. He also knows what a person in pain needs, thanks to his expertise in medicine as well as his vitakinesis. Imagine being able to tell what’s wrong with someone with a single touch, and thanks to your knowledge, you also know what to do to heal it. What else would you need then? You would firmly believe that your opinion is a fact, that you are right in every sense of the word and don’t need anyone to change that opinion. Hence Will’s stubbornness and his refusal to hear out what others have to say.

BULLETPOINT 1:

In The Blood of Olympus, Will kept on insisting that Nico needs to rest ever since he found out about his transparent body. In fact he only relented when the latter agreed. 

“Coach Hedge told me all about your shadow-travel. You can’t try that again.”

“I just did try it again, Solace. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. I’m a healer. I could feel the darkness in your hand as soon as I touched it. Even if you made it to that tent, you’d be in no shape to fight. But you wouldn’t make it. One more slip, and you won’t come back. You are not shadow-travelling. Doctor’s orders.”

BULLETPOINT 2:

Short one, but Nico himself described Will as stubborn.

“And Will Solace … Nico revised his impression of the son of Apollo. He’d always thought of Will as easygoing and laid back. Apparently he could also be stubborn and aggravating.”

Stubbornness as his fatal flaw;

Will would refuse to listen to what others have to say (especially when it comes to medical terms), believing that what he is saying is right.  And even if he IS right, he wouldn’t change his decision by listening to what others have to say. This could be borderline hubris. 

3. Reticence

/ˈrɛtɪs(ə)ns/

noun

the quality of being reticent; reserve.

When you are a healer/doctor, you have to stay composed at all times, for the sake of not worrying your patients. This must be a trait Will has developed pretty early on( given that he started healing at the age of twelve. If he is constantly hiding his emotions during his work, and he works almost all the time– Will could have naturally developed a kind of wall around himself as a habit. Never talking about how he’s feeling– especially the negative emotions.

Will’s approach could be more subtle than Nico’s explicit “NO I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS”.

To learn more about this, you can read this awesome post

BULLETPOINT 1:

I was stunned by his tone. I realized he was just as concerned about Kayla and Austin as I was. The only difference: Will knew his duty. He had to heal the injured first. And he needed my help.

BULLETPOINT 2:

This is quite an explicit proof of his emotional reticence, and the fact that it is linked with him being a healer.

Will laughed under his breath. “I’m terrified. But one thing you learn as head counselor: you have to keep it together for everyone else. Let’s get you on your feet.“

BULLETPOINT 3:

This is said about Will’s personality on his wiki.

He has also developed a kind of shell, meaning that even in extremely stressful situations he at least looks calm and collected.

Reticence as his fatal flaw;

Will would always insist that he is fine and never talk about his feelings. He would close himself up, and worse of all, he is good at hiding. Will would bottle up every negative emotion he feels for the sake of looking composing in front of his patients. Until the day he cracks and spills everything.

4. Altruism

/ˈaltruːɪz(ə)m/

noun

disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others.

Having so much responsibilities, it is natural for Will to always put others above himself, as the big brother/counselor/head medic. Consequently, he ignore his own desires and emotions (see previous fatal flaw) in favor of helping others.

BULLETPOINT 1:

During the battle of Manhattan, after witnessing his brother’s death, Will is whisked away by Percy to go heal Annabeth. And he didn’t bring up Michael once. Instead, he was focused on healing Annabeth, and he ignored his brother death in favor of saving someone else– the lover of his brother’s (indirect) killer.

BULLETPOINT 2:

In the hidden oracle, Will had to put aside his desire to go search for his siblings in order to heal some campers. He directly admitted wanting to go find Kayla and Austin.

“I got it reattached,” Will told me, his voice shaky with exhaustion. His scrubs were speckled with blood. “I need somebody to keep him stable.”

I pointed to the woods. “But—”

“I know!” Will snapped. “Don’t you think I want to be out there searching too? We’re shorthanded for healers. There’s some salve and nectar in that pack. Go!”

BULLETPOINT 3:

This is said about Will’s personality on his wiki.

With a tendency to overwork himself, Will is extremely dedicated to his work, even going so far as to not sleeping for days on end.

Altruism as his fatal flaw;

Will would put everyone above his own needs and desires, consequently ignoring his own health and well-being. This could be dangerous, because well, overworking can be bad for his health. Not sleeping for days on end is bad for his health on both short and long terms. His own altruism will weaken him considerably.

CONCLUSION

So in conclusion, all of Will’s fatal flaws (at least to me) has something to do with the fact that he is a healer. If you noticed how the proposed fatal flaws are quite similar, then you have a keen eye. They are indeed pretty similar, with only little to differentiate. 

I’m looking forward to learning more about Will, both of his good sides and bad sides in the upcoming Solangelo book. 

Have any thoughts? Which fatal flaws do you think he most likely has? 

Sources;

The Blood of Olympus (HoO #5)

The Last Olympian (PJO #5)

The Hidden Oracle (TOA #1)

The Tower of Nero (TOA #5)

Will Solace Wiki

Will Solace quotes

Fatal Flaw

This amazing video essay I found on YouTube that inspired me to write this

[adventuringblind]

New to your account, but love your neorodivergent/autistic reader with Oscar!! Just wondering, are you one, or do you know someone who is? I'm just curious cause you are nailing it down even to the small stuff, and I love it. If your uncomfortable sharing, I'd understand. I'm not autistic but I am part of the neurodivergent side, so thank you for the representation cause not many write about autistic or neurodivergents as a whole.

Also, sorry for this long ass message, and the floor is the best!! I really wanna know which motor home and track feels good enough to sleep in after one of the posts you did 😅

Yes! At least… most likely. I’ve been trying to get diagnosed with something even if it’s not autism. My doctor and therapist both thing that I am and I’ve been referred to a psychologist in hopes of getting a diagnosis.

I am a teacher (when I’m not writing). I’ve had to study a lot of the criteria for anything covered under the IDEA act because it’s important as an educator and for me personally to be able get a student the help they need as soon as possible.

I’ve been able to help both students and adults get answers they needed and get students the tools to help them be successful. I also just like learning about the brain in general. Anyone who knows me personally knows not to bring up the brain unless they want me to talk about for hours.

I actually didn’t think anything about it at first. Nobody had ever said anything to me and I had accepted the fact that I was a weird kid. Like… really weird.

Too old for my age. I hated the feeling of makeup (still do) and nobody understood why. Conversations were always difficult because I didn’t get majority of the jokes or I was ‘to deep’ or obnoxiously blunt. I’m a picky eater and have always been obsessed with specific things. My sensory issues are ridiculous and I was always shushing people who talked loud next to me. People purchased me clothes that I never wear because I hate the feeling. I was either disrespectful or extremely polite. I never changed even though my friends liked different things then I did. The list goes one…

Recently I encouraged my boyfriend if four years to get tested for ADHD. No shocker to anyone that he is and is now diagnosed. He also has practice with early intervention because he worked in early childhood. His own diagnosis, research, and speculations made him bring up the idea to me.

I pushed it off because I’m overly empathetic not apathetic. Basically I didn’t feel that I met the diagnosis criteria that I’d been studying in my college courses.

Actual research about how autism is more then the diagnostic criteria led me to believe maybe I’m neurodivergent in some way.

My boyfriend love to tell me ‘I told you so.’

I also know that self-diagnosis in the autistic community is welcomes usually. The only reason I say that I am is because of that and my doctor and therapist agree. I just don’t have a formal diagnosis yet.

It has explained a lot and it makes me look back on my childhood with more sympathy for myself.

Sorry for this long winded answer. The answer is yes which is why I write for neurodivergent readers.

If you want to see something specific or maybe a different type neurodivergent reader please let me know! :)

Definitely the Redbull ring and the Mercedes garage floor because it looks cold and shiny

[heathenpoetry]

So sorry if this is an annoying or repetitive question, but I’m in a similar family situation and I was curious if you experience maternal feelings toward your brother? Or if the knowledge that he is your brother and not your son is enough to stave this off? I’ve read accounts from surrogates where they develop a maternal attachment during pregnancy that makes the handoff of the baby really difficult. Was it easier since you’re not really being separated from your brother after birth? Again I’m sorry if this is something you’re tired of explaining, one of your posts about it floated across my dash and scrolling your blog for a while I haven’t seen any posts about it that could answer my questions without directly asking. Have a good one

hi! happy to answer, especially if it helps you in some way

to clarify, just in case: what i did isnt considered a surrogacy, but a gestational carry, because my own eggs were not used in any way. surrogacy, from my understanding now (because i had no idea there was a difference or that surrogacy entailed horrors when i started this ~1.5yr ago) is when a woman gives her own genetic material in the creation of the child, carries it, then the child is removed from her and raised by someone else. what i did was have a lil test tube guy, a week old fetus basically, implanted into me, a fetus that belongs(ed? he ain't a fetus no more) to my parents. all i did was help my mom out with gestating him. basically.

anyway to answer you: i've had a heavy hand in raising all of my siblings since i was about 12 years old so i think i have a weird relationship with maternalist feelings but i'll do my best to answer as clearly as i can because for me those waters are a bit muddied. for me the most clearly maternal i felt was immediately post-birth and i will explain. the entire time i was pregnant i was fine, i had a wonderful peaceful easy pregnancy (im pretty sure comparably, aside from a couple gallbladder attacks) without much stress or anxiety mostly, but the minute i saw him, and specifically saw other people, medical professionals, touching him, i got extremely emotional like rapturously overjoyed and then also extremely anxious. they had to take him a few times for a few tests, some examinations, a bath, et c., and i remember getting overwhelmingly anxious and upset that he was apart from me and that they could possibly hurt him because a lot of them are dumb as fuck but that's a separate grievance for another time

im lucky in that i have him half of the time, im with him during the night and early day and my mom is very very freely giving with him and i am as much involved as she and my dad are, just like with my other siblings. the first night i was home he was with my mom and i couldn't sleep just weepy and wondering what he was doing. literally. wondering what a newborn was doing lol. but after a few days for me this wore off as my hormones settled and my anxiety and worry relaxed about him getting hurt, that was a constant fear for the first like 4 or 5 days for me. sleeping helped my body and mind return to normalcy, i had a c-section so i am still recovering from that and my physical inability at the time also had something to do with my fears i think, i had this sense of inadequacy that i would fail him and being physically vulnerable didn't help

overall now, im fine i think. ask me again in a couple months though, who knows about then. i definitely get all the time with him i want or need. my mom from the beginning has been discussing the possible difficulty with me and i think ive organized things mentally well enough. i never thought of him as anything but my brother so i think that helped as well, i think if i wouldve basically poisoned myself into considering him to be my child it would've made things a million times harder as well as that being biologically untrue.

my parents trusted me to do this extremely important thing for them because i volunteered several times over the course of years and have worked to prove my responsibility to them. so it really felt like an act of love for me, i love them, i love my other siblings, i love the baby, i love everyone. all i wanted was to give more. and from the beginning my parents told me this isn't just their baby, it's 'our' baby, as in my whole family. thinking about it that way helped me too.

i hope this helped. i was very scared at some points and very nervous or fearful but nothing was ever as bad as i thought and i was never presented with anything i couldnt handle. please if you need or want to, come off anon and talk to me. im here for you if you need it, even if it is still anonymous but we are able to talk privately and i can do whatever i can to help, i'd be more than happy to. thank you for coming to me, i hope with all my heart that you're okay and your family too

[phdmama]

So apparently there’s some stirring of the top bottom stuff going on and since I... really like numbers, I thought I’d take a look (also because I’m so concrete it would literally never occur to me that someone would send me an ask that wasn’t... you know, genuine!).

Charts below break!

Data Collection:

AO3, searched within fics tagged as Harry Potter fandom and then tagged with Harry & Draco as a relationships, only fics tagged E. Four categories of search per year: 

Include Bottom Harry Potter, Exclude Bottom Draco Malfoy (HP !DM)

Include Bottom Draco Malfoy, Exclude Bottom Harry Potter (DM !HP)

Exclude Bottom Harry Potter, Exclude Bottom Draco Malfoy (!HP !DM)

Include Bottom Harry Potter, Include Bottom Draco Malfoy (HP DM)

I did not include 2022 numbers as the year is not over. As a check, I also noted total fics per year and total fics tagged explicit and made sure my four mutually exclusive groups added up to my total explicit count.

So the obvious take from this is that the majority of fics are not being tagged with who bottoms. In the cases where they are tagged, Bottom Draco fics are tagged more than Bottom Harry fics every year I looked at. The ratio gets smaller and smaller every year, but even in 2021 the ratio is 1.73, with over 100 more fics being tagged for Bottom Draco than Bottom Harry. The ratio droped substantionally in 2015, and I am not sure why (maybe a new archive was imported with different tagging conventions?).

To get a better sense of how it looks, this is the chart without the “neither” fic numbers included:

This chart gives a sense for each individual year, how the fics are labeled (not to be compared to each other, of course):

Also just because I think it’s sort of interesting, here’s a comparison of the proportions of of E/Non-E fics, definitely looks like there’s a downward trend in E fics there.

The one other thing I was interested in was the claim that there was a trolling incident that led to this reversal of dynamics (which, as we can see from the data, didn’t happen). I went back and looked and my own rage-written fic was posted on April 28, 2021). So I looked at the montly stats for Only Bottom HP/Only Bottom DM/Total E fic posted by month and then eyeballed the proporations. So, it is true that May of 2021 is the only month where Bottom HP fics were higher (both in absolute numbers and proportion of total E fics), but that’s the only month that happens (4/2020 to 4/2022). Over that timeframe, about 6.56% of E fics are exclusively Bottom HP, while on average, exclusively Bottom DM are ~14%. In the months following, in fact, in general the Bottom HP numbers are pretty low.

So, what (if anything) does this mean? For me, for one, it solidifies that I personally really dislike reducing fic to this particular dynamic. I think it would be really interesting to do some investigating into why authors do or do not tag their fics for this dynamic, since I’m guessing most of us are aware that it’s a hot button topic (and has been in every fandom I’ve ever been in or hung out near). I know why I don’t, but I wouldn’t want to assume. Maybe I’ll write a survey.

I find the downward trend of E fics in general vs the upward trend of proportionally more fics being tagged for Bottom HP interesting, but it’s definitely not the majority (May 2021 notwithstanding).  

Purely on a personal level, it was interesting to see the huge increase in sheer numbers of fics being written and posted to AO3, which is probably why I feel so overwhelmed haha.

caveat on the data: this is absolutely not a representative sample, nor is it random sample in any way. This does not account for all the fics that are not labeled but do have one dynamic or the other present but the idea of doing that data collection is absolutely fucking beyond me. So who knows what the actual numbers look like. This is simply an overview of how things are specifically tagged on AO3. In addition, this doesn’t take into any fics tagged solely by who tops.

[accio-victuuri]

CPN : the argument of XZ being “single” + my reflections

Let me start this post with one Candy that stood out to me today before we get to a more serious is it really lol topic. You may find a few other ones floating around but this one got me:

The BGM of GG’s Douyin video is from the Soundtrack of Suicide Squad. The same movie features the character of Joker, which they both love. Tho for things like this, I feel like the team just uses what’s popular on Douyin. What got me with the BGM is how it seemed like something you would use for a hiphop theme. They are literally showing how gorgeous XZ is, a pop song will be more appropriate.

Now that I gave a little sweetness, Let’s go to the main topic of this post.

If you haven’t seen this talk going around then that’s fine, in the grand scheme of things— it should not matter. With all the content going on from both sides and Bobo going back to being active on screen, this is not an important topic. However, it made me reflect on this issue and how fans operate. Also how as BXGs we should take this things and I AM SURE some really toxic people will use this as leverage to bully turtles. the whole talk of his relationship status has been gaining some traction lately because of a recent incident that @rainbowsky already detailed here.

Today, this account which is called Opinion Book mainly for 🍤 posted.

What is this accout you ask? It’s basically one that posts fan etiquette especially in times of discord. It has good intentions and I have found it to be a pretty level headed account that aims to pacify fans when things are chaotic. They allegedly also are able to directly communicate with XZS. They published what was “communicated” to them and a lot of it are no brainers tbh. Do not believe in melons and just wait for announcements of XZ’s new work. Do not follow him and his family during his private itinerary. Don’t start fan wars and be instigated by antis. However the cause of the buzz is this particular statement:

In addition, We have recently seen many rumors about the romance of the artist circulating on the Internet. False rumors have even risen to attack the artist himself. Although it has been a question and had been refuted many times, but we have made clarification again, all rumors are false. The artist is single. please don't be maliciously led by unknown people.

and well you guessed what happened. this has been taken as truth and an absolute confirmation that XZ is single and that all CPF should cease to exist. There is a lot to unpack here so I want to start with how credible is this account. What the hell are the “refuted many times” they are talking about?

1. I mentioned that I found this account as a good one. Is it necessary? I don’t think so. However I feel like it had to be made so as not to have a repeat of the 2020 fiasco and just in general to guide fans because XZ has a lot. Other celebrities may have way more followers than him like 80-100M on weibo but the difference is, his are very active. I still maintain my stance that the only official source of news is XZ STUDIO and Xiao Zhan himself, especially if it’s something personal. for dramas/endorsements/etc then the projects involved are definitely the true source. If a statement is not sealed, stamped and posted by XZS then it’s not be taken as coming for Xiao Zhan’s mouth.

2. The only “fan account” followed by XZS is the one with Patrick’s profile pic on it. It’s job is to clarify.

I’ve said it in the past that I don’t really have much love for Clarification accounts especially for personal matters. I understand some fans may want to clarify but I think it should be for career reasons, like if someone claims that GG is taking unnecessary leave on set because he is lazy or something.

3. The next question here is did XZS ever say that GG is single? Did the Patrick Account every say that he is single? The short answer is No.

Patrick Account refuted the following ( most recent and relevant ) :

• That GG is secretly married and has a child all because of a photo of him holding a baby was leaked. FYI, it was his friend’s kid.

• Li Qin dating rumors, the most recent one is because she was seen in the same restaurant as him. having dinner.

• The rumor that Antis love to spread : That he is dating his Manager 😂

All of these rumors were specifically marked as false. They did not say single. Just false and do not believe it.

As for XZ Studio, they do not mention the name of the other party. It’s what these studio accounts do. However people know who they are referring to because of what rumor is going on HS and is being talked about on that day. There are times they will just mention the User ID, and you just gotta look at what person is posting to get the gist that XZS is refuting it too. For example a specific account was mentioned and it had a lot of posts about XZ dating MZY. If they think it’s getting too much talk— they release some statement. But never that XZ is single. The message is always more on do not participate in talks like that and concentrate more on his works and your personal life.

The credibility of that account and it’s confirmation all boils down ( I think ) to the person reading it. As with all things in this day and age, you will believe what benefits you. Confirmation bias is very strong. The people who are screaming this from their accounts are the very same people who already had this idea in mind to begin with. For me the most interesting thing that even got me into making this post is what can we learn from this? I will try and make my thoughts/reflections as coherent as possible lol but here you go:

1. As a CPF and someone who believes in SZD, I always leave a percentage that I could be wrong. No matter how the evidence says otherwise. Am I mad and screaming right now? Obviously not. This incident comes at the right time because I’ve been talking recently about the fact that not all things should be made into a candy. That in order to be in this fandom, supporting them both, we should be fans of them as individuals and their work. If you are here solely for the candy, then sure, I will still welcome you but you probably won’t be here for much longer. This is why I get personally triggered when I see so/os say that all CPF do is candy and obsess about their relationship. Which is well, if you look at my blog as an example — it’s clearly not. We have to multitask like hell to keep up.

2. There is a bad side to being a CPF and that is when fans start getting too loud. CPNs and whatever are for BXG circles only. This is why I stopped participating in the whole “i wonder what solos would think” practice because I realized that I don’t need their validation. Candies are not for them. The reason why this talk has gained attention in the first place was because a certain CPF group started asking a third party about it. If that person knows who XZ is dating. Is it really that important? Should we really invite other people into this? Same goes with their friends, don’t ask them. Don’t DM them. It should remain in CPF circle of your own as a form of respect too. Especially if the type of CPF is more on a real couple and not a fictional pairing in a drama they starred in. The latter is encouraged and considered normal to be talked about.

3. Whether he is single or not, CPF should be allowed to exist. It’s always been a part of the fandom ecosystem. There are other pairings of XZ/WYB that i’m not fond of but it’s their life— they can do what makes them happy. I find it particularly harmful when certain fans invalidate CPFs just because of the possibility of the relationship we support not being real. I could ask them the same thing. Xiao Zhan will not marry you, so why the hell are you still acting like you’re his wife or that you own him? LOL. But I don’t cause i’m not an entitled asshole.

I’m pretty sure that on a professional level, if I’m an agency, it would be fine with me. As long as they are fan of my artist — we’re good. If you watch the shows, buy all the things. engage and just support the artist then it’s fine. All these animosity between solos and cpfs are made by fans. In the outside world, if you tell someone about this— I bet they won’t understand what the problem is.

4. The idea of a celebrity being single for an “idol” like XZ has layers to it. It’s not unique to XZ. Being single will appease a lot of the fans who still cling to the boyfriend fantasy. There is also the possibility of his contract having a clause that says he cannot publicize any relationship and must maintain the image of being an idol which is a story for another day. Also if a relationship is publicized, I am pretty sure it will eclipse all the professional work. It will also invite more shady individuals to get insider info and follow him around.

It’s ironic cause the same people were “happy” when XZ had dating rumors last year because and i quote— “he now has normal rumors about him.” LOL. Okay.

5. Going off the point above, I absolutely hate labeling XZ as an idol. It is not good for him and his brand to be on Hot Search because of personal matters and his relationship status. He is not some starlet who is only good for tabloid-esque news. He is an Actor. I don’t know if fans realize the hunger that XZ has to succeed in this profession. His name should be out there because of his career or if it’s related to personal content ( i.e photos ) that XZS shares. I personally get frustrated when things like this get traction — just in case people failed to get the hint— XZS posts when stuff like this is being talked about. It seems like their way of diverting the fan’s / people’s attention. Like “Hey, look, have something so you won’t be idle and start doing unnecessary shit.”

I am a BXG. I support XZ/WYB. I believe in SZD. I love their love. I am fond of candies and everything the community has to offer. My mindset at this point is really more of what are they gonna do next career wise. It’s what excites me and engages me the most at this point in my journey. I won’t order anyone to be in the same place because we go on our own pace and maybe one day you will get there. 💕

[feral-radfem]

confession: i have a denim jacket full of radfem and lesbian patches and pins which is really cool. but i also have a little trans rights pin on there because i’m scared of being attacked in public for being a ‘terf’. i’ve heard stories of women being assaulted for being deemed a rad fem even when sometimes theyre not and this is ‘progressive’. i’m scared of the comments on posts saying vile and violent things to do to us and its congratulated. i’ve seen comments saying that basically lesbian means terf as this point and feminism is a huge red flag. i’m ashamed but i wear a trans rights pin because i am scared for my life.

I wouldn't wear that jacket to a gay event or bar. Or really any leftist space offline but everywhere else you should be able to get by without the trans rights pin.

Almost all the stories about radfems getting assaulted were at radical feminist events or at gay events not just wearing their merch down the street. Most people won't recognize it as radical feminist patches and the ones that do you can generally get away with feigning ignorance. So while I can understand your fear it is most likely not realistically proportional to the actual threat.

The reason we see the vilest and most outrageous behaviors and opinions on the Internet is because the internet doesn't have a way for us to hold one another accountable for our actions. Real life does. Which is why you don't see these tra types out in public acting the way they do online most the time. One of the few exception to this is when they are in a big group together and believe that group will protect them from the consequences of their own actions. Though, even then it's unlikely that they're actually going to do something that could get them in legal trouble.

Homophobia is nothing new and neither is a majority of the population having anti-feminist perspectives and misogynistic behaviors. Yet, like many of our fore mothers, most of us will not be attacked over these things. Not that it never happens, but it doesn't happen so often that it should be a realistic fear making it to where we don't feel safe to go outside wearing identifiers. Like I said, I can understand why you feel scared but the chances of you being physically hurt are slim.

Do what you feel you must, but remember your mental health is just as important as your physical health. If this is causing so much personal shame or even paranoia, simply don't wear the jacket. You don't need to be physically marked for everyone and feminism is more about the actions you do than the proclamations made in its name. Do good by women. The jacket, while cool, is insignificant.

I think it would also do you well to recognize that while your jacket is full of feminist messages, the trans flag being on there will immediately make any radical feminist who sees it assume that your definition of women is not "adult human females". You will be identified to us in public as a libfem trying to apply radical feminist praxis to males. Your cool jacket, in the end, will just confuse everyone; TRAs and Radfems alike.

It seems like you have like two chooses: You can either wear it and stand by what you believe in by making a display of your support for radical feminism or you can choose to not wear it and still do good radical feminist action but honestly mixing the two messages just seems like a lose-lose situation for everyone. You're not even expressing who you truly are and it certainly isn't getting translated correctly to anyone who looks at your jacket.

The fact is is that the clothing we wear when it has a message, whether that message is political or not, is an invitation for a conversation/debate about that topic. You seem not to want to have radical feminist conversations in real life so I would simply not wear the jacket, and I don't mean this last bit harshly, but your jacket also will look far less cool if you're insecure about it. So my advice to you is just to make your choice and live with it. It's what we all have to do at the end of the day.

I hope whatever you choose works out for you, genuinely.

[kittykittyhunter]

The Close

On Friday 12 March 2004, I made an account on fanfiction.net and used the nickname kittykittyhunter for the very first time.

ff.net was the first place where I ‘existed’ online.  I uploaded a fanfic the same day I joined – a poem about Dark Magician Girl from Yu-Gi-Oh! – but later deleted it out of embarrassment.  Over the years, I went on to upload and delete a fair few works for similar reasons: a sense of awkwardness over my earnestness, recognising too many gaping holes in my writing and just… pruning my account when I failed to finish multi-chap stories.  I made some wonderful friends through the site, one of whom remains a precious presence in my life.

Now, my ff.net is an archive my stories for The Prince of Tennis (the ones featuring the Echizen family, anuway). I’m happy with it staying like that. Then, sometime in 2006, I joined deviantART:

dA taught me a lot about writing.  Suddenly, I was exposed to extremely talented and versatile writers; I understood what it meant to be part of writing communities and give meaningful feedback.  (I utilised these skills during writing workshops at university several years later – by that point, it was natural for me to pinpoint, celebrate and help to refine aspects of a piece.) Only one of my deviations is still visible; I placed the others in storage mostly, once again, due to feeling embarrassed by my earnestness and skill level.  Nevertheless, I am proud of what I achieved on the site – I received through two Daily Deviations, features that were largely coveted in the writing community (I know that I wanted one for years!), and the attention that those works got gave me the confidence to think that yes, perhaps I was a decent writer, perhaps it was not a mistake to think that I might publish books someday. I certainly fell short on some fronts on dA... however, I think it may be time to forgive myself and perhaps, one day, I can make amends. The most important habit that deviantART inspired in me was this:

A few people I looked up to had a saying: “Comments over faves.”  Written feedback meant much, much more than simply pressing the little star-shaped 'Favourite' button – and that’s something I carried across to tumblr, to some extent.  I use replies pretty liberally here, talking to people who may not want to hear from a complete stranger.  Even so, I definitely want to get better at tagging the artwork I reblog – I know there’s nothing like reading an explosion of feelings under your work. Once again, I met some incredible friends through deviantART.  I’ve had the wonderful privilege of being able to meet some of my online friends in real life.  It’s a very special feeling to be able to embrace someone you’ve lovingly sent texts, emails and letters to.

Then, on Sunday 30 January 2011, my friend succeeded in persuading me to make a tumblr account.  I suppose that I didn’t really know what to expect from tumblr; however, I fell for the site quickly and now, I can’t imagine having an online presence on any other social media platform, even with the various issues tumblr has had during recent months. I accidentally deleted my original blog in 2020.  I lost approximately 36,000 posts.  I oscillated between feeling distraught and relieved; I despaired at losing a lot of memories and work but, at the same time, was grateful that this meant I wouldn’t subject myself to the laborious task of going through the entirety of my archive and re-tagging my posts for uniformity.  I can be ridiculously pedantic about things like that – so it was good that the option was taken from me. I still haven’t quite connected with the writing communities on tumblr – but I know that there are a lot of skilled writers here. There are a few authors I deeply admire; I would love to get to know them.

Bizarrely, I joined AO3 on Thursday 12 March 2020 – exactly 16 years after I’d joined ff.net. AO3… I had a lot of plans for this site (including a fanfic list as long as my arm) but, somehow, I could never really warm to the layout… I’m a real elitist and have issues with using/joining sites that are ‘ugly’.  And, while I’ve received some comments on AO3, it is largely a pretty quiet and passive experience – readers come and go and leave a fly-by kudos and, as a writer, that’s not so satisfying. I'm not inspired to upload work there. I might still post the occasional fic (though I’d prefer to spend my time writing original works, sometimes, the allure of fanfiction is pretty powerful), but it won’t be through AO3 – and it won’t be under the moniker of kittykittyhunter. It’s been 20 years.  20 years of brilliant memories and friendships – 20 years where I’ve learnt a lot about myself, others and the world at large.  But I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve decided that it is time to retire kittykittyhunter.  Ultimately, I think want people to associate KKH with the writing that I’ve shared online up until now, so this blog, too, will be an archive of my poetry and prose. It feels strange.  Surreal.  I’ve associated myself with the name kittykittyhunter for so long that it seems as though I’m losing something momentous – like the process of reinventing myself, this time, will be far more arduous than it has been in the past.  I don’t know what kind of reception I will get.  Yet, over the years, I’ve also come to align myself with the phoenix – one who reemerges, again and again, stronger and brighter. My blog icon comes from the Yu-Gi-Oh! card ‘A Feather of the Phoenix’. Isn't it funny that these things are so cyclical? I pray that a good path is meant for me. Thank you to everyone who has been with me up until now: your love and generosity has meant the world.