#and this is bc i follow soooo many people and I am what you would politely call a fucking loner lmao

[hauntedpearl]

me whenever a mutual i don't talk to unfollows me

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

i am soooo fascinated by all of your suitehearts ideas hows it going?

ITS GOING GREAT!!!! taking this as my excuse to start yelling abt their backstories bc i was abt to start making the post anyways and this ask came at the PERFECT time gdhgdhd

so the entertainment industry is CRUCIAL to my version of bli to the point where the original company which would become bli began as an animation studio in the 30s/40s (the original studio producing mousekat cartoons which is a whole other post im not gonna get into rn). whats important here is that nostalgia is key to a lot of bli's early success as they bought the rights to many different properties specifically in childrens entertainment in order to sell the idea that their products and their company is Good and Moral and shit. like getting mickey mouse to endorse your product and shit

anyways one of these old shows they acquire the rights to is a shortlived but incredibly popular late 70s/early 80s childrens show: The Adventures of America's Suitehearts. its got loud vibrant colors and costumes and garish sets and im thinking it takes place in like. a magical hotel with like infinite floors to explore filled with magic rooms for any and everything (kinda like the Imagination Movers iirc). the Suitehearts are permanent residents and episodes would revolve around them helping out and going on adventures with the hotels guests, allowing new kids and characters to show up every episode. the whole show would be focused on having fun and using your imagination to its fullest, meant to bring some light into the world for kids dealing with the effects of the wars and shit but it gets cancelled after two seasons bc. yknow. the wars and shit

ANYWAYS bli picks up the idea and reboots the series once the City is built and theyve fully come to power. they use it as a sort of safety net, a way of easing the kids who originally grew up with and are now adults into accepting bli's ideas and control. its a HUGE propaganda tool and it works really fucking well, becoming a staple show in the city. i havent figure out full timeline shit bc i cant find the doc rn but im thinking probably theyd cycle through actors for the suitehearts over the years with the most recent versions being the ones that led to the shoes cancellation & the ones who become rebels. the cast goes as follows (and city names are subject to change bc these are just placeholders i came up with on the spot):

Dr. Benzadrine (portrayed by Mark Desrosiers)

- originally the Dr. Benzadrine character was this kooky mad scientist type with a sort of bill nye meets mrs frizzle energy. he was always encouraging kids to explore and ask questions abt the world around them, showing the audience how to do simple experiments, and explaining scientific concepts and how things work/are made. obviously this is exactly the type of behavior that bli wants to AVOID teaching kids, so in the reboot he becomes this sort of strict, analytical figure who discourages "unscientific" and "unproductive" things such as emotions, and constantly promotes bli's pills and medications as the solutions to problems! any "science" he explains revolves around how the pills "work" to make you Happier and Better

-Mark originally planned to be a chemist. he wanted to help people and figured developing nee medications would be the best way of doing that!! dudes like a GENIUS too, and bli sees this and singles him out and puts him on the fast track for his goals bc obviously they want that brain making their pills. except, the higher up he goes, the more HORRIBLE OBVIOUSLY CORRUPT he realizes the company is so he drops out and through a series of shady events i havent figured out the specifics of yet becomes the new Dr. Benzadrine!!!

Mr. Sandman (played by Dominic no last name yet bc nothing i can think of sounds good!)

- in the original version of the show, Sandman was one of those characters thats looked back on as kinda creepy looking in hindsight and is joked abt constantly for his more spooky appearance. personality wise though, his whole thing was encouraging kids to get creative by using his dream powers to visualize wacky scenarios and solutions to problems. hed also always lead into the a song fitting the theme of the episode by "singing a lullabye" often by the request of one of the other characters. in bli's version, though, they take his creepier appearance and RUN with it, turning him into essentially the series' antagonist. they turn him from the maker of dreams into the maker of nightmares and hes meant to show kids "the dangerous of creativity", always defeated in the end by the others following rules and conforming to authority and shit yk? just the most heavyhanded propaganda you can imagine

- Dominic i think joins the show because he wants to get rich and famous, break out of the slums of the City and really prove that hes worth something. he doesnt even mind playing the villain because, hey, the villains always the most popular character right? except wow jesus christ, being an actually cared about, actually watched member of the city is kind if a lot and suddenly all these freedoms he used to have are being taken away and he didnt realize itd be like this he needs to find a way out oh god-

H. Shoe Crab (played by Sarah Langley)

- so in the original show, Crab was that type of moral compass character always dishing out the episode's lesson. he had exceptionally good luck, which is implied to be due to a sort of karma- he does and acts good so the universe rewards him and shit yk? thats not to say hes perfect and there are episodes dedicating to showing him struggling with his own issues and he often makes mistakes. but at the end of the day hes there to teach kids the value of kindness, emotional awareness, and basic morals. also theres a tunning joke where his good luck will kinda backfire on/cause problems for Sandman like with Goodluck and Grumpy in Care Bears. played by a girl in the reboot, Crab's character essentially becomes Product Placement and Gender Roles!! all her good luck becomes the result of using bli's products, all her "moral lessons" become about respecting authority and reporting suspicious behavior and shit, and she basically gets Mom Friend-ified by the company to top it all off.

- Sarah i think is the most deep into her role bc she is heavily monitored on set and on far more medications than the rest of the cast. this is because she was actually born in the desert, kidnapped as a teenager, and brought into the City to be "rehabilitated". the whole reason she was probably even cast was as a demonstration for higher ups that brainwashing younger joys could be possible as part of a never seen through initiative. also this whole post was just supposed to be abt their backstories/the characters they played and i wasnt gonna get into any of their later true identities once they become rebels, but it is incredibly important to me that you know they become a transmasc butch lesbian who uses exclusively they/them and neopronouns

Donnie the Catcher (played by Cameron Barnes)

- Donnie's a sort of like sportacus from lazytown- the character encouraging fitness and healthy habits in kids. he was also extremely clumsy and not actually that great at many sports, emphasizing the idea that winning/losing doesn't matter so long as you're having fun with what youre doing. i think hed be the least changed character in bli's version, with their version of equality and non exceptionalism being HEAVILY emphasized. he also acts as basically a walking advertisement for the SCARECROW unit, with many of his games and exercises being underscored with encouragements for kids to look into crow recruitment when theyre older.

- Cameron was a Scarecrow, still kind of is as he was switched from active duty in the zones after the rest of his squadron was killed in a firefight and he found himself too traumatized to go back out in the field. the whole thing fosters a hatred for killjoys within him, sure, but it also makes him resent bli for sending him out there underprepared and to fight what hes quickly coming to believe is a pointless battle. he hates that his only options seem to be wasting away in the city or wasting away in the desert. but maybe if there were a third option...

and yeah this has gotten too long already so ill make the post abt their breaking out of the city and killjoy identities later :P all im gonna say rn is that their leaving becomes this huge public scandal, made worse when they continue using the names of their characters and claiming them as their new identities. the show is removed from the air almost instantly, and all mentions if it are scrubbed from public life- if you remember the Suitehearts no you dont.

[chans-room]

Craving Connection — 1

Warnings: reader has nickname Sugar Plum, familial drama, self-deprecating thoughts, mentions of anxiety, allusions to abandonment/abandonment issues, discussions of toxic former relationships, discussions of cheating in said former relationship, Chan calls her ex a cunt (derogatory) multiple times lol, a little bit of spice but it’s very mild bc they’re in public but there’s a somewhat staged ~fake dating~ PDA moment I’m earning that tag on this one babes. Tbh that’s pretty much all there is before we swan dive into it 👀

Length: 4k + text conversation

A/n: so I am a backstory heavy bitch and I can’t seem to start my SMAUs without a few written chapters soooo sorry about that? Also I’m sorry this has taken 8000 years, I’m already working on the next part and have a fair amount of future chapters done so hopefully I’ll be able to update this pretty frequently. Thank you @bibbykins and @j-a-nuary for making this legible. also everyone can thank @gimmethatagustd for how the last scene turned out 🖤

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October 1, 2021 — 5:20am

She bounced on her toes, eyes scanning the small crowd of people pulling suitcases behind them for the familiar freckles of her favorite cousin. She knew he — and the friend he had brought with him — had landed, but the minutes seemed to drag as she watched families and friends reuniting all around her, in the dead of the night.

But the crowd thinning made her palms sweat. The fear that her parents had found out, and gone against their self-imposed rule to never speak about her again, and that Felix had changed his mind about her. 

“Felix! You can’t just drop your shit here, mate!” A voice called out, making her stop in the midst of her aimless pacing and her head snap toward the direction of the sound. She only saw a flash of black before someone slammed into her chest, knocking the wind out of her as they crashed into the floor. 

“Sugar Plum, I’ve missed you so much!” Felix’s deep voice nearly reverberated in her chest from where he laid on top of her, deceptively strong arms constricting around her. 

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she giggled, tightening her grip on him, “You have no idea how much I missed you, Lix.”

“I’m so happy to see you,” he sighed, loosening his grip to hover over her, a pleased smile on his face. “Come on, we have so much to catch up on.”

She rolled her eyes, letting him pull her off the ground before wrapping her in another tight hug. It sent a deep pain through her chest, the moment mirroring the last time she’d seen him — standing in that very airport 2 years before, saying goodbye to him before he left for Seoul. They had cried and promised to see each other at Christmas, Easter, and on every overlapping holiday they could find. It was a promise she regretted breaking — but it was one she had no control over. That had been the first of many days she felt truly alone; and if she’d known what would follow, she might have gone with him then. Maybe if she had, she would still have a family. 

“Felix!” The same voice from earlier called out, making them both look over their shoulders to find the source.

He was gorgeous, even if he was angry. His strong brows were furrowed over narrowed, sparkling brown eyes. “Oh! Good, you’re here,” Felix smiled proudly, before gesturing toward him and clearing his throat, “This is my friend, and roommate, he owed me a favor, which is why he’s here. Besides, his birthday is in like 2 days and I’m such a good friend, so I brought him home to see his family. Aren’t I the best, Chris?”

Dread shot through her at the name; she couldn’t seem to escape memories of him. She pushed down the bitter taste in her mouth — she couldn’t be unfairly judging her cousin's friend just because he shared the unfortunate fate of having the same name as her ex. 

Fortunately, her momentary battle with her brain wasn’t noticed by either boy, seeing as Felix was ignoring the way his friend’s plump lips were pulled tight into a grimace, his strong jaw clenching in anger as he dragged three suitcases behind him, his thick arms piled high with various sweaters and a bouquet of flowers. She bit her lip to suppress a laugh as he glared daggers at her cousin, his gaze softening slightly as he took her in, before hardening again as he refocused on the boy next to her.

“Felix, if you abandon me again with all of your shit, I will leave it behind,” he seethed, dropping the pile of sweaters on the ground with a muffled thump, earning an indignant scream from Felix.

“That’s Hyunjin’s cashmere!” He yelped, diving at the pile. 

The glare faded into an endeared smile as he watched Felix dust off the sweater, shaking his head fondly before turning his attention to her. He held out the bouquet, the soft smile on his plush lips pushing his cheeks up to make his eyes nearly disappear into tiny crescents. “He got these for you back in Seoul. He made the flight attendant put them in water for nearly the whole thing so they wouldn’t wilt. I’m Chan by the way.”

She could feel the tears well up in her eyes again as she took the flowers from him, trying to still her shaking hands. “Thank you,” she forced out, internally cringing at the quiver in her voice as she did. She cleared her throat before tearing her eyes off her cousin, willing away her tears, “So… Chris? Chan? Do you have a preference?”

“No, not really,” he laughed with a shrug, “Felix is really the only one to call me Chris, except my family. All our other friends call me Chan.”

The admission put her mind at ease as she nodded absently, staring at the tulips in her hands, as she mumbled her name to him, followed by a shy, “Everyone calls me Sugar Plum though.” she shrugged, making him smile.

“Honestly, you can call me whatever  you like,” he said, feigning indifference before leaning in and whispering in her ear, “and Sugar Plum is cute, but I think I’d rather call you mine.”

She choked on a gasp and a giggle as he backed away, throwing her a wink.

—

—

October 1, 2021 — 1:45 pm

“You really don’t have to spend the day with me, Chan,” she sighed, slipping the sunglasses down her nose to stare at him over the edge of the frame, “I know you want to see your family and spend time with them. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself for one day.”

Chan felt the bittersweet edge to her words, and he hated how they made his chest tingle with unease. The tone of her voice stirred an ugly anger in his gut as he considered why she would be so quick to dismiss herself. It made him want to prove her wrong — to show her that she was someone who anyone would want to spend time with; someone who he wanted to spend time with.

With a big smile, he threw his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his side, not missing the way she bit her lip and tried to hide the grin growing on her face. “Nah, it’s kinda nice to get to see Sydney like this, you know? I’ve never stayed in a fancy hotel like the one you’re staying in. But also I’m glad I have the chance to get to know you better,” he smiled, watching her sink behind her hands. “Besides, Felix will be back tomorrow, and seeing my parents for two days is better than the zero I thought I would.”

“I’m just saying if you don’t wanna be with me today you don’t need to. I’m used to doing things alone,” she mumbled, making Chan frown.

“Yeah, well, I don’t wanna be alone, so you’re stuck with me today,” he grinned, scrunching his nose at her hesitant expression. “Come on, we’re almost up and you haven’t decided what you want!” He could feel her heartbeat under his hand resting in the middle of her back, and part of him hoped that it was because of him.

“Are you always this serious about ice cream?” She asked, staring up at him with raised eyebrows.

“Are you not serious about ice cream? I mean, come on, it’s one of life’s most simple pleasures!” He exclaimed, drawing attention from the people surrounding them. The laugh that tore out of her made his heart race; he’d never heard anything so perfect.

“You just have to cause a scene, don’t you,” she giggled, pressing her face into his shoulder to hide from the disapproving stare of the old woman in front of them who was shaking her head and mumbling to herself.

“Only when it makes you laugh like that,” he sighed, pleased that he’d been able to pull her out of the tense, almost sour mood she’d been in since Felix told her he would be gone for the day. He didn’t need to know everything that happened with their family to know that she’d been hurt, and something about that sat heavily in his gut. What he did know was that it was too nice of a day for her to spend it alone in the hotel.

“So tell me about school. You’re on the soccer team with Lix, right? What’s everyone else like? What do you all study?” She asked, pushing her sunglasses back onto the top of her head, “I want to know all the details before I start next week.” 

The attention turning on him made heat flood his cheeks, cursing the pink tinge he knew was creeping up his neck as she stared up at him expectantly. The look in her eyes made his mouth run dry — he couldn’t feel like that about her. There was no way Felix would let him live if he tried, and as his roommate, he needed to keep the peace. 

But the feeling of her fingers curling around his bicep made his head swim and his heart race. He knew already there was no way he could deny the effect she had on him. He could only hope she felt the same.

October 1, 2021 — 4:10pm

“Do you wanna hang out here or walk around a bit more?” Chan asked, shoving his wallet back into his pocket as they wandered away from the counter.

She felt her heart flutter for the millionth time that day as he looked at her expectantly. She didn’t know if she could ever get used to someone caring about her opinion so much — it was equal parts exciting and unsettling. 

“It’s supposed to rain, so maybe we should start heading back to the hotel?” She shrugged, trying to push the unease out of her mind; trying to convince herself that Chan wasn’t Christian. Felix would never have trusted him if he was.

At that moment she realized she’d almost gone the whole day without thinking of him. But the moment the thought of him passed through her mind, it was as if she’d conjured him. Because behind Chan’s shoulder, she watched him walk through the door, arm around the shoulders of a girl she had only seen once — the night she packed her things and left him.

“Fuck,” she whispered. He shouldn’t have been there, he should have been in Singapore, planning his wedding. Not in Australia, not in Sydney, but definitely not in her favourite coffee shop. It made her blood boil and her hands shake — Christian had refused to set foot inside it again after she had dragged him there the first time. He’d even told her that she was embarrassing for wanting to go back there. But now; here he was with Hanako. With the fiancée he’d conveniently forgotten to mention. 

Jealousy and rage clouded her senses, but the crushing sense of inadequacy that filled her made her stomach turn. He never looked at her the way he was looking at Hanako — so full of love and adoration. She couldn’t even blame him; she was gorgeous. Her silky black hair cascaded down her back effortlessly, and a sweet smile seemed to be set permanently on her heart shaped lips. The more she stared at her the more self conscious she became — Hanako seemed to be everything she was not.

She realized at that moment it was never about the coffee shop; he was embarrassed to be with her.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chan asked, crowding her sight as he pulled her toward the wall of books. His hands cradling her face tenderly made the fresh wave of tears sting in her eyes. She hated it — she hated that he could see the cracks in her, hated how Christian could find new ways to hurt her, and hated that there was still part of her that was affected by him.

“Not really,” she laughed sarcastically, pushing the bone crushing hurt back down. “That guy over there, the asshole with the tattoos and the all black, the one with the girl in the dress? He’s my ex. And I don’t want him to see me.”

Chan’s head whipped around to look over his shoulder, finding them with ease before turning back to face her, “That guy?”

She nodded, “Yeah. And that’s his fiancée.”

“What a cunt,” Chan mumbled, shaking his head. 

She grabbed his shoulders, positioning her in front of him to effectively block herself from Christian’s view, using Chan’s broad frame as a shield, “I can’t stand him.“

“Hey, don’t worry about him, just focus on me,” Chan said softly, shuffling forward to cage her against the bookshelf. “What do you wanna do?”

“I just-I don’t want him to see me. He wasn’t supposed to be here,” she mumbled with a pout.

He nodded before he took a step forward, pressing her back fully against the wall, “I’m gonna touch you, is that okay?” He asked, his hands hovering over her waist. The earnestness in his eyes gave her goosebumps; she couldn’t remember a time anyone looked at her like he was right then. 

“Yeah, you can touch me,” she nodded breathlessly, “Can I..?”

“Of course,” he smiled, shivering as her hands skimmed across his shoulders, one hand gently tracing shapes into the muscle of his chest while the other occupied itself with the curly black hairs at the nape of his neck. “God it’s so stupid but I’m just-like-I have so many questions.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes, tugging his hair lightly, “Don’t say it’s stupid, you’re curious. That’s normal. I’ll answer whatever you wanna know.”

“I’m not sure I wanna know honestly,” he laughed bitterly, “Whatever you tell me will probably just make me want to punch him in the face.”

A soft warmth spread through her at his honesty; it was incredibly refreshing after spending 2 years constantly guessing what Christian was thinking or feeling. For a second she imagined how nice it would be to be with someone like him. But she quickly shook herself out of the fantasy — she barely knew Chan, how could she possibly think she knew him well enough to imagine a relationship with him.

“I doubt it, Channie,” she sighed, looking away from his eyes, focusing on the thin gold chain that sat on his collarbones. It caught the light every time she twirled a curl around her finger, making an image of him hovering over her with his chain smacking his chin as he pounded into her flash through her head. Tendrils of lust curled in her belly — she didn’t know how thoroughly and quickly Chan managed to take root in her head but she knew it couldn’t be good. 

“Well, he’s your ex and he has a fiancée, so I think anything I find out about him is going to make me hate him more than I do right now,” he scoffed before adding, “You’re lucky it’s me with you today and not Felix. He wouldn’t even ask, he’d just start swinging.” 

She couldn’t help but laugh at that — he was right. Her cousin was prone to reacting first and asking questions later. “I mean, that’s fair I guess. But honestly it was barely a relationship. I mean, you and I are being more scandalous now than he and I ever were.”

“You’re telling me he had you and he wasn’t showing you off to everyone with eyes?” Chan asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

She shook her head before answering, “We didn’t really do… anything. We didn’t go out, I never met his friends or family and he never met mine. I realize now it’s because I was his side piece and he couldn’t have anyone asking about me,” she shrugged, wishing she didn’t sound so defeated. 

Chan’s body went rigid under her hands, his jaw clenched and his hands tightening on her hips. “What a fucking cunt,” he ground out through his teeth, “If you were mine, fuck, I’d never be able to keep my hands off you. My friends would be sick of how much I talk about you, Sugar Plum — especially Felix.”

The flames of desire surged in her veins again; it was almost overwhelming. She knew Chan was dangerous for her for any number of reasons, but the main one being that he made her want for the first time in a long time. She didn’t realize how much she craved what he was offering until he put it into words. But she didn’t know if he meant it as seriously or as desperately as she wanted it. 

Chan’s voice in her ear made her shiver, pulling her out of the thought spiral that was beginning to consume her. “I really can’t stand this,” he mumbled before a wicked smile spread across his face, “Alright, so, I’m gonna get real close to you, and you’re gonna slip your hand under the back of my shirt, okay? If you’re uncomfortable or want me to back off, I will, but he needs to know what he lost. So he can see you’re not bothered by him.”

Her mouth went dry as she put his plan together in her head, watching the smirk grow as she dropped one hand from where it was resting on the back of his neck, her fingers toying with the hem of his shirt. “You’re evil, just like me,” she breathed, splaying her hand across his warm, muscular expanse of skin as both of his grabbed her hips, adjusting his stance so he could tower over her slightly. “I like that about you,” she admitted, making him chuckle.

He surged forward, his nose bumping against hers, “I like that about you too, Sugar Plum,” he smiled, “Now if you wanna really sell it, I’m gonna dip my head down and you’re gonna pull my hair and kiss my neck.”

“Okay,” she whispered back, feeling Chan’s breath on her neck, his hand sliding into her hair to steer her where he wanted her. Her fingers tightened in his hair on instinct as her lips brushed the junction of his neck — making goosebumps spread across his tanned arms. She felt him shudder, giggling an apology into his skin.

“Don’t be sorry,” he argued, resting his forehead against her collarbone, “It was nice, I just can’t control what my body does when someone like you kisses my neck like that. I mean, it’s really not fair.” 

She was about to apologize again when she felt his plush lips make contact with her skin, but where her touch was fleeting and almost accidental, his lips attached themselves to her neck with force. 

The gentle suction ripped a startled gasp from her. He pulled away with a wet pop, smiling innocently, “Now we’re even,” he shrugged. “I’m sure he’s fucking boiling now. I know I would be if I saw that.” 

It took her a second to remember how their little charade had begun, feeling dizzy because of Chan’s presence and proximity. She had nearly forgotten about Christian entirely, something she couldn’t deny made her stomach flip with both anxiety and excitement. She had to fight through the haze in her mind to even think of a coherent response. “Chan I don’t think he’s looking—“

“Why wouldn’t he be looking? You’re the most interesting thing here. Everyone should be looking.”

The absolute certainty in his voice was staggering to her — she knew he meant it. But she couldn’t understand why. He barely knew her, but he was committing near public indecency just to spite her ex on her behalf. Maybe it was because he was so close with Felix, one of the only people she trusted wholeheartedly and implicitly, but she didn’t question Chan’s intentions or authenticity in the slightest.

It made her want him even more.

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” she whispered back, the words coming out of their own volition. She knew he meant it — but she needed to hear him confirm it.

He surged forward, his nose bumping against hers — a habit of his that she enjoyed a little too much. “Hey, I fucking mean it, yeah? You’re incredible. And just because that asshole couldn’t see it doesn’t make it any less true,” Chan said seriously, pushing a piece of hair out of her face, “You’re so—“

“Babe, what the fuck is all this? Who the fuck are you letting grope you in our place.” 

The too familiar voice that cut him off felt like a bucket of ice water being thrown on her.

She peeked over Chan’s shoulder to see Christian — sans Hanako — glaring daggers at the back of Chan’s head. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Chan’s voice, “Excuse you, mate, but who the right fuck are you? And what business of yours who gropes her where?”

A shocked scoff came out of Christian, his eyes narrowing as he assessed Chan, “I’m her boyfriend, mate, which is why I wanna know why you’re all over her.”

Chan threw his head back, a full laugh tearing out of his throat before shaking his head, “Nah, you’re her ex aren’t you? I’ve heard all about you,” Chan rolled his eyes, turning back to face her, his expression softening as he ran his thumb over her cheekbone and down to her lips, gently pulling her bottom lip from between her teeth. She hadn’t realized she’d begun to chew on it nervously as she looked between them, but Chan’s soft smile and gentle hands made the tension drop from her frame. “Why don’t you leave us alone? Don’t you have a fiancée to look after, champ?”

She saw the rage ignite in Christian’s eyes at his obvious insult, his mouth opening to say something that she knew would slice through her straight to the bone — a skill he wielded like a professional through their relationship. He always knew what to say to inflict the most damage the fastest, leaving her shattered in his wake.

But before he could make a sound, her name was being called out — signaling their order was ready — and Chan was steering her away from him. 

She took a single step forward before a hand closed around her wrist, dragging her out from Chan’s arm. “Don’t fucking walk away from me again, baby. You don’t understand—“

“No, Christian. I don’t need to understand anything. You had a fucking fiancée the whole time we were together. Do you know how much that hurt me? After all that I gave up for you?” She couldn’t seem to stop the words from coming out — but if she was honest with herself, she needed to say them. “And before you say anything, to try and manipulate yourself out of the mess you made — I heard you say that I meant nothing to you; that I was just a piece of ass you were fucking around with before settling down. So get your hands off me,” she seethed, glaring at him. Pain sparkled in his eyes as he opened his mouth to argue but she cut him off, “Just stop, Chris; I don’t want to hear it. Now let me go.” He staggered back as if he’d been slapped, releasing her. 

Chan took her hand, making her turn to look at him over her shoulder, “You ready to leave?”

She couldn’t trust her voice anymore, only managing a nod before his arm was around her shoulders, pulling her toward the exit, grabbing their coffees and passing her drink off to her seamlessly. 

With that, they walked out of the doors, not bothering to look behind them. And for the first time in years she felt in control. She didn’t feel like a pawn being used or a prop in someone else’s life. The rush of it was addicting; the electricity of it seemed to thrum under her skin. Chan made her feel powerful, and she never wanted it to stop. 

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Taglist: @bibbykins @j-a-nuary @eureka-its-zico @gimmethatagustd @here2bbtstrash @lovemepie67 @whiplaaaaaaaaash @enaluvs

[youremyheaven]

(From the girl on twin flame journey)

I too refrain from these twin flame forums because they sound too delusional at times and LOL at that random married person is not your person cuz mine literally is married!

Which is why I’ve just refrained from even entertaining any thoughts of him but with no success since he follows me everywhere (in synchronicities such as people who look like him , me always being dragged back to the area we met for random errands etc)

As you said though the main divine point is probably the self progression because I’ve literally developed in a year and learned thing I didn’t learn in 7 years.

May I ask though why you think a union isn’t possible? And do you find that this person in your life has intervened in your potential romantic life with other people?

Because mine has successfully made every crush or romantic interests dissapear.

i dont think union is always the purpose of these connections tbh, if merely coming into contact with someone like this has the power to change you so drastically, do you not think that being with them day in and day out would be exhausting? i feel like people romanticize twin flame connections wayyy too much. this is just my opinion but i feel like the whole point is how much your soul grows because of the connection not the "happily ever after" esp bc twin flames are not promised happily ever afters.

usually because of the kind of circumstances tfs are placed in, union is almost always impossible and a lot of people romanticize tf out of that with the whole "runner and chase" analogy and what not but i firmly believe that if God made union impossible then its for a reason, we're always protected from things that aren't for our best/highest interest

idk if he intervened but he's literally the only person who has ever made me feel this way. i dont know what emotion/feeling it is but i genuinely have never felt this way about another human being and its hard for me to compare it to anyone or anything but i made soooo many changes in my life because of him and i am who i am today because of him and since ive interacted with him and he's asked me out etc i know that the feelings are mutual?? but i am still repulsed by his personality and its not even anything he said or did, just his vibes??? which is insane bc like i said this guy has had such a profound impact on me lol but yeahh

[allaganexarch]

Oh no these asks are GREAT I want to ask like ten of them ummmmmmmm having Restraint: 3 (vibe check) 4 ( 👀 ) 17 (especially curious abt your editing process?? I am so greedy for your tradecraft secrets) aaaaand 19 (I recently researched….. doormats. that made me feel very sane about my choices please tell me about yours)

GOOD EVENING i have finally returned to what is truly important, my tumblr ask box.

3. how you feel about your current WIP

JNSDKJFSDKNJ NOT THE VIBE CHECK but you know, I had a smol breakthrough like two? nights ago that i have yet to actually follow up on LOL. I had this transition section where i was like i need to impart some Vibes and some Character Arc but i'm literally boring myself rn, and I think I have figured out in a vague sense how to make the transition do a lot more work for me, so that's good!

In general I'm extremely excited about some Major Points of the thing, just currently have to do an inordinate amount of sowing seeds for those major points in a way that's like subtle enough that I'm not hitting the reader over the head but also exists enough that the careful reader will pick up on it you feel?

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

Side note before I even start answering...sometimes I think about how many of my """"""story ideas""""""""""" are just glorified weather metaphors. I am genuinely not sure what happened in my brain to make me like this. What has the weather EVER done to me.

Uhm so anyway since I'm thinking about Stormchaser, definitely a story idea and not just a weather metaphor in a trench coat, why don't I tell you a little bit about my characters because I'm very normal about them.

The first person [main character we are tentatively naming Emily] meets in the city is Nolan, who owns a small bar and restaurant that she won in a messy divorce. She puts on an act of tough-and-wry-and-world-weary, but she's very soft-hearted and has a bit of a savior complex, a bit of that 'i don't want what happened to me to happen to anyone else' vibe.

She has taken in Asher and Aislynn, siblings from a prominent and wealthy family who have had a [very mysterious] falling out with their parents and are thus in need of a place to stay. Asher is guarded and protective, while Aislynn is very open and warm. People often perceive her as naive, but Aislynn actively chooses to see the best in others.

Aislynn has magic, which is the source of many of her problems. (This is like kind of a reveal but the foreshadowing is painfully obvious LOL) Back when I was thinking about Stormchaser as a multi-path story, one major decision point was going to be, in a moment where the player character is hurt (not gravely, but still not in great shape), choosing whether to allow Aislynn to use magic to heal her. It would have a huge impact on the MC's relationships with most of the other major characters, since most of them have very strong opinions either about magic or about Aislynn herself. Aislynn is also the reason I ended up wanting to write the story--I had an overarching idea for the plot, but I got soooo attached to her so quickly!

17. talk about your writing and editing process

as we all know my writing process is just getting possessed by some sort of weather-related entity and then not sleeping until well after the sun has risen, so I think that's pretty clear and doesn't raise any sort of questions or concerns.

if no weather entity possession, my strategy has become "just force yourself to write the painful and clunky sentences at the speed of molasses and then look at it again tomorrow" -- because most of the time the next day I can fix what was clunky really easily bc I made space in my brain by getting the ideas down, and sometimes, extra special treat, I reread what I wrote and it's literally not even bad I was just in a mood LOL.

I feel like a very large percentage of my editing is just being extremely insane about word choice. Sometimes I go back and forth on word choice/word order/very very minor sentence structure things literally long after the thing is published and I am trying to tell myself to let it go. But tbh I don't really have a process for this, it's just what jumps out at me when I reread it as being awkward or not quite what I was going for. I'm probably like this because I used to be such an insufferable snob (used to be!!!!) and needlessly chose so many ten dollar words that I think I have a better-than-average sense of when simpler language is better vs. when you need a more complex word to describe the thing. So it sort of depends on the character whether I do a lot of deleting or adding of extra fluff and filler words LOL.

I'm alllll about limited POV and creating a headspace/thought pattern for characters, so I do a lot of thinking about what the specific character knows, how the specific character would express something, or whether she even has the language for what she's experiencing. I really love finding ways of conveying an emotion that the reader will recognize but the character doesn't!!

On a more macro scale I think I do a lot of, like, "this section is boring me. why?" In a story you really don't want anything that's doing nothing, and you definitely don't want a whole section that's not doing much. Sometimes because I try to make my dialogue as natural as possible the conversation starts to kind of wander LOL, and so I have to be like okay hold up what are we talking about what needs to be established here. And then usually jump back a bit and figure out how to lead the conversation in a more pointed direction.

And a lot of the time idk how much transitional stuff to include, so I'll be off on some rambling journey like uhmmmm do I need this??? when do we get to the fun part???? Which, like, not to say the fun part will be easier to write or anything, but a lot of time that feeling of boredom is bc what I'm doing either isn't necessary and can be accomplished in a way that's more fun for me personally OR it's fine it just needs to be pulling a lot more weight in what it's telling the reader. I find I sometimes get caught up in, like, a story beat that would "make sense here" as opposed to a story beat I personally like.

Like, as an example, I've been thinking (for soooo long yes i know) about how to continue the chance you take, and I remember I put in my notes that like a sparring scene would make sense, where you know it's all a metaphor and there's some quippy dialogue or w/e. And ik a lot of people like that kind of scene! And idk, sometimes I do too! But like........I don't want to do that lol! And in fact I think it doesn't actually fit with the vibe of the story, which is so much less about the violence surrounding it and so much more about the quiet moments in between. But I'm literally just thinking this now as I'm typing this. Like I didn't have a good reason for why I didn't want to progress the story that way until literally right now.

Which I guess leads me to another very important editing tool: pacing my kitchen like a crazy person explaining the problem I'm having to myself so I can try to talk through why it's bothering me LOL! as you can see it's extremely efficient and time-sensitive. six to ten business days turnaround for sure.

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

chickens :)

I'm genuinely drawing a blank LOL, I've definitely looked into a few things I can vividly remember (boats/ships and how crews and shifts work for TCYT, horse riding/cart pulling for scorched earth, how animal testing works for uhmmm that one moicy fic, oh and I remember i looked a lot into bird symbolism for the prisoner LOL) but I think mostly what I do is intensely study the source material, and I haven't run into that many situations where I felt like I needed to make sure I knew about something in the actual world and not the fictional one LOL! Wow I'm boring! I want to know about doormats!!!!!

fic writer asks!

[hoyatype]

does anyone else feel insane when they come across women/shaving/feminism discourse? in particular, when any assertion that having to shave one’s legs, pubic hair, etc is an unnecessary beauty standard and women should be FREE of this (my position btw)—

is immediately met w at least one woman saying: no, but i like it and i do it for me. statements like this don’t account for my particular situation where it’s not oppressive, it’s actually joyful! and i’m like…congratulations, you took a systemic analysis and narrowed it to your individual experience in an attempt to delegitimize it…thanks? it’s also deeply suspect that there are just so many women who have all independently and individually articulated a personal preference that conforms to what is normatively encouraged…starts to feel more like an enforced preference than an autonomously chosen one…

oh—and sometimes obscurely urgent reasons (it’s for sensory reasons and deeply important for this person’s neuroatypical existence) are brought into the discussion. i am sure this is sometimes true. but in many cases i also think people are uncomfortable with really facing their personal preferences and realizing that they’re not in alignment with their political inclinations, or uncomfortable having to own up to: well, i don’t have a defensible reason for this! so very often i suspect people are trying to invoke a Good reason that can elide critique…bc it’s uncomfortable to be questioned and reassuring to have a defense that forces people to drop any further questioning…

i genuinely would rather people be honest w themselves and say: i am doing this because i’m afraid of being socially and romantically and sexually penalized. it would feel more candid than having to obscure these behaviors as a personal preference.

and then we could have a real conversation about whether not shaving means that they won’t get the love they want.

personally: i’m not hardcore about this, i shave my legs when i wear shorts and skirts in the summer, but i just don’t agonize about my hair growing out a bit. it’s leg hair, everyone has it! and i’ve never ever ever shaved my pubic hair (sorry to burden anyone following me w this knowledge…) and i really haven’t had issues w this in multiple encounters and relationships with straight men. i am positive it DOES disqualify me for some straight men, but i don’t want to make a good impression on everyone, just an accurate impression of who i am and what my preferences and beliefs are. those guys are free to date women who are committed to spending $$$/month on waxing…i will never be that person and i am happy that no one i’ve loved expected me to be that person.

it’s not a terrible thing for someone to find you unattractive. it’s not the end of the world. it’s not a woman’s purpose to be attractive. and it is truly amazing and heartening that so many people fall in love with others who are not conventionally attractive! who are not dogmatically conforming to all beauty standards! “ugly” people can be loved and respected and cherished and i think that now, in an age of looksmaxxing femcel plastic surgery etc, we should remember this…

it’s funny how much i care about the Shaving Question bc in the grand scheme of things it’s a very small rebellion against beauty norms, but it is one i feel very passionate about and i really don’t understand why so many women are choosing to submit to it, spending significant time and money and effort plucking away all these hairs…especially when so many of these women, from my experience, are also constantly railing against the terrible chokehold that beauty norms and the male gaze have on them. (going to preemptively defuse a common objection here—that it’s different to defy a standard if you’re already very conventionally hot vs not—and note that the women i’ve been most perplexed by in this regard are cis white women who are fairly thin…they’re soooo close to hegemonic feminine beauty already and horribly afraid of losing out on any of it. i do think there’s some argument here that women who are already seen as ugly and unfeminine risk MORE by not conforming to beauty norms. but weirdly it’s woc, fat women, etc who are more likely ime to be the women who intentionally defect and choose their defections carefully. it’s almost like being on the wrong side of beauty standards encourages more criticality of it…)

it is just surprising and maddening to me. like. just don’t shave for 2 more days. or 2 more weeks. genuinely a lot of men do not notice and the ones that hold it against you are providing you with tremendously important insight into their expectations of women. and obviously a lot of women don’t care at all and you can be serenely unshaven together ❤️

i think it’s so important for women to defy feminine beauty/grooming standards sometimes, just for fun, just for practice—and when i say practice i mean it in the highest and most respectful sense: as a way of continually asserting your own agency against the onslaught of expectations for what it means to be a woman, to be “good enough”, to be “beautiful” (not to a specific person but in society’s eyes). i really do think women need to practice resisting beauty standards so that it becomes something possible and natural and even habitual. there is so much suffering present when you can’t escape these norms, and any act of defiance is a way of strengthening you against them imo

[mitsurichan3]

Yknow its crazy its been a year since the fall out. Im definitely doing a little better in some ways, and worse in others.

Im okay but it could be better. TLDR im finding that i am in a little bit of a rut and i am struggling to find a sense of direction in my personal life now that im 25.

Day job, career, art woes, social life, financies and priorities are all confusing rn lol but im managing somehow. Specifics below.

If you decided you wanted specifics here you go.

Work started rough this school season. The schedule is a fucking mess. Two districts are struggling and are hot messes. New part timer joined the fray in the middle of all of this so its training a person ontop of the already chaotic mayhem.

The friend fall out with that bitch still has me... frustrated. Some days i can go about my day without blinking an eye, some days i still go through anger and frustration and bitterness and feeling disgusted with myself that i gave so much to this person only to be thrown under the bus on a public timeline where she twisted the fucking narrative to be in her favor when it actually didnt happen that way. Her name sickens me. Everything that is associated with her is tainted and i cant enjoy shit like i used to because how deep the betrayal goes down to my core. Fuck you, i hope you actually have the worse kind of miserable life she can actually live.

Ontop of this i feel... inadequate. I feel like I am doing too much at once, and nothing at all at the same time. Yes my life has gotten quieter and i have room now to do things i have always wanted to do, but now that i have that wiggle room, things feel far more isolating than before. I feel alone. I do a lot of stuff, now, alone. It gets lonely. I do go out with friends ocassionally, but its not the same. I dont feel that sense of direction that helps with calming my anxiety down. I have always known i was an anxious person but having a sense of direction and of moving forward has always kept me calm. Not anymore.

I dont check tumblr as often as I would like in the past but I also am using it more purposefully filthy but it helps some nights though i have consistently gotten a bit of love here too. An old pokemon piece gets a like every now and then. It brings me a little bit of hope knowing people do go through the tag and DIG EXTENSIVELY for things.

Im frustrated that I am not moving forward in my art making career and artist era. I am mostly putting my efforts and energy in maintaining my day job bc its a realiable source of income and it saddens me to know it is coming to that point in my life where safety is better than taking risks and not following my dreams. My supervisor is aware that i am looking for ways to grow professionally in a more creative environment but i dont know... unless I can get the ppl on the internet to help support my artistic endevors i dont think it would be a good move to quit the museum when I still have car loans to pay. ugh priorities.

I do want to post more consistently and show more of my art. Recently i went to an art sale hosted by my university and to tell yall the truth It was such a flop it hurt. Not because we didn't sell, but because the other artist vending got soooo many compliments on her artwork while my ceramics were just catching dust. People werent.. gravitating towards it. And it hurts. I poured my heart and soul making those pieces but I guess it serves me for not putting in MORE effort into making better art. Ughhh.

The idea of going back to school for a master's degree is.. exciting but I am not sure if that is the path i want to go down. I just want to live happy in a comfortable life doing what i love aka making art. And dont get me wrong i have ideas its just!... sigh, energy. Time. Effort. Most importantly comfort .

I am trying to rethink ways of diversifying my income venues and put 250% more effort into the platforms and venues inrl and online that are producing a bit of money for me. I want to make prints. I want to make stickers. I want to make paintings. I want to stream more often and stick to a consistent schedule. I want to earn a living making things I love. I dont want to be stuck in corporate all my life. I want to MAKe!!!

Sigh.

[canisitsnotlupus]

starting to think more and more how doodle breeders do everything i am starting to require for a pet dog breeder because i have seen SO MANY companion breeders breed dogs with issues from reactivity to professionals struggle with basics with their dogs.. mmm but doodle breeders out here do fancy websites with 3209843904034 videos and pictures of their dogs at like, cookouts and farmer's markets and running around in a yard and playing with neighborhood dogs and just very basic stuff but it's VIDEO showing like.. the dog isn't anxious around strangers, the dog willingly hams for random ppl at a cookout, the dog willingly plays with strange dogs (and play style!!! it's important when u have sensitive breeds like bcs imo!!), the dog can walk through a farmer's market or home depot and not be fucking weird and u have so many breeders "why do people go to doodle breeders ): what is badass breeder ):" idk karen maybe it's because their websites are not geocities inspired and updated and they have the shit that regular people want like dogs being okay with kids, at cookouts, with strange dogs and the PRICE RIGHT THERE ON THE PAGE. any time i see a dog for sale without a price i assume it's out of my budget. idc if it might not be, i assume, and that makes emailing that breeder soooo unlikely b/c the stigma of asking and stuff. but even if i think 2k is out of my budget i can ATLEAST sit there and.. you know.. budget for it. plus badass breeder talks about this and stuff idk more and more im learning to not trust a single thing a breeder says even ones with large followings (lol thanks BC world) because they. fucking. lie. and want to see videos of it myself. but on the same note but.. flip the coin or w/e hunting breeders do the SAME THING but.. with hunting stuff. their websites might make you think you're trapped in 2005 but you can bet they have youtubes of their dogs working and usually a price right there and pedigrees right there and most of the good ones talk about the dogs settling in the home 'is great with kids' etc. and u can see some videos or pictures that make the trainer in me go !!! of the kid sprawled out on the dog or using it as a horse and the dog has a :D expression so like. really. idk. being able to see evidence of the shit breeders say beyond some letters behind a name is MMM important. like i really dont care about seeing a video of the dog doing an agility run. like yeah it's nice, i guess, i can see jump types, but was that dog muzzled to get up there? did the owners have to ask for every dog to be 30 feet away or the dog reacts? was the owner hyper aware of the dog because if someone got too close, the dog would bite? and i saw that ALL THE TIME at agility (because i also had a dog like that!) so just shots of the dog doing a run? not good enough. show me the dog settling in the crate at the event, being walked between runs, etc. prove to me the dog isn't a basket case outside of work pls

[frenchfrywrites]

Georg, Sunny D, hiiii, yeehaw partner!! 🤠 And Musty Wail (but not really)

Ok so, I'm not really waiting for you to post something similar, because that seems rude and stress introducing. I would still follow you no matter what you post, so this is more just me rambling about some of your posts I REALLY like. Ahem.

"Pounding the characters so hard the bed breaks" this one I find SO funny, and it's so well written!! Often when I write my hcs I think back thus post and try to make it as well written and funny lol.

"Beel's favorite beverage" I'm not rhat into piss drinking but man. (Picture of horse looking at ocean). You really convinced me. It is soooo hard to find Beel smut in this Fandom, never mind sub!Beel smut, never mind AMAZINGLY WRITTEN SMUT!! I don't even have a piss kink but I would let Beel drink my piss after this.

"Holding their dick when they pee" LISTEN LISTEN TO ME. LOOK ME IN THE EYES. I. DO. NOT. HAVE. A. PISS KINK. (Or if I do I only have like, 10% of a pisskink. A pisskink with a few hard lines)

But....

Listen, this is one of my Weird Kinks that most people wouldn't even *consider* is a kink but. Taking care of a character?? Helping them out with things they don't Need help with, but doing it anyway? Either because they're your little baby or because they're too dumb to it themselves??? Amazing. 10/10. No notes. And this checks off a lot of this boxes. I just want a subby demon who can't get their own dick out of their pants to pee so they need me to do it for them.

"April showers day 6: pissing in public": I'm pretty sure I've come into your inbox and talked about this fic before, but I am doing it again. This is like, the Book of Mormon of piss kink to me, personally. You knocked on my door and showed me this fic and I was like "maybe I CAN indulge in a little piss kink". And now here I am. 3/4 posts on here containing piss kink. You're converted me. Ok but this is absolutely my favorite fic of your and I frequently go back to it. This definitely ticks off my "taking care of kink" and was probably part of the reason I realized that I hard that kink.

Anyway, you have so much cool stuff but I've felt like I've rambled on enough lol.

OHO SO MANY!

And wahhhhhhhhhh!!!! This ask is so sweet !!!!! You've got me rolling around on my bed and giggling and shit!!!

I'm so so so so so happy to hear about the posts you like so much!! Idk if u relate but i find it really easy to forget how my work has affected ppl lmao. Needless to say there's many of your posts that linger in my mind and that i go back to over an over again!! (You have so many good Lucifer fics! And ur hcs.... Devine)

Some of these posts especially surprised me! I'd no idea u liked the bed breaking post of mine! I went back and reread it bc it's sooo old and i was like damn u know what this is kinda silly. What an oldie tho like wow that sent me back hfhsjskajs!

And omg yes on the kink of taking care of people!!!!! Idk that's just so much fun and I'm sure it's glaringly obvious that i love it, but yes yes taking care of ppl to the extreme is so good!!!! (Looks hard at your bathing HCS and sighs dreamily)

Oh! And u should embrace ur piss kink!! 😇💖 Even if u have hard limits surrounding it, liking piss even a little bit is awesome and sexy and so much fun!! And I'm so happy u like so many of my piss fics 🫂💖 sometimes my fics are just so self indulgent that again i forget that other ppl would like them lol

Ahh this ask is just so nice i could cry really really thank u so much 💖 ‼️

[wanderingaldecaldo]

Last night when @sayvayy posted on Twitter, I wasn't sure if I was ready to say something. I retweeted then deleted then ultimately decided it was time. I am done pretending like everything is okay in this fandom. I was terrified. It's scary to speak out, especially against a "popular" group who has ties to "official" people. I wondered if I made a mistake. I wondered what the backlash would be.

Let me be clear, I am still afraid. I am afraid of being doxxed because I have contributed to two people within that group via ko-fi—before I understood the depths of their toxicity and reprehensible behavior (and was blocked)—and that gave them my real name and email address. I am afraid of being further harassed because I dared to stand up and speak my truth. I've never had that fear before.

But today, after seeing so many reblogs and reading so many comments and tags from people who felt the same way; after so many mutuals and friends have reached out to check on me and offer their support, my feelings are mixed. It is bittersweet, because even though I hurt for all of you who have also been hurt by these harmful behaviors, I am thankful to no longer feel so isolated. To know that there are others who understand my pain. Others who have seen through the bullshit and lies, but were also afraid to say something.

Last night since I posted about my harassment, I lost two followers. In that same time frame, I gained ten more soooo yeah. Some people aren't offended by hearing the truth.

To my followers let me be clear: if you think I'm doing this for clout, or because I'm jealous, do me a favor and click that unfollow button right now. And if we're mutuals and you think that? Do us both a favor and block me, because I don't want to see you on my timeline anymore.

If you're sick of hearing about this, imagine how those of us who have been subjected to this feel. But even still, I tag all of this discourse as about cbp77 fandom so feel free to block that tag. Oh, and because I'm still proud of how I handled the bullying anon, here's the link to my response (be careful though, there's smut).

Edit: changed the "about fandom" tag bc it refers to everything I've blogged about fandom in general. Now all discourse is tagged as "about cp77 fandom" so filter as necessary.

[messrsbyler]

Not sure if you’re still in “that mood” lmao but what do you think Mike’s future is going to be?? Like not in the distant future but his story layout for season 5. Do you think he’s going to get vecna’d? Just would love o hear your thoughts :) he’s so interesting!!

UFF mike is soooo getting vecna'd next season, even from a storytelling point of view it needs to happen, mostly bc of how his arc developed in s4

i might nerd this one out more than others, but if you think about it mike's s4 started awful, downhill straight to hell. he made things weird with will because he couldn't communicate how he was feeling after they moved out to cali, he found out el had been lying to him all this time and acted like an asshole, he and el had a huge fight in which both of them refused to understand each other, then his girlfriend was arrested for assault and they went under military custody.

all downhill, right?

but then, right before anything else can happen to really boost mike deep into hell, things start to look up a little for mike. he has his first heart to heart with will where he finally communicates how he's been feeling, how he thinks he lost will and how he's missed his best friend. mike finds a common ground with will. then things start moving, they make plans to go back to hawkins that then change to go save el, they have a ride, a plan, a way to find her (and yes all of this happens in the middle of a shooting and while burying a body, but mike's momentum still isn't as negative as it was when the series started in terms of inner confict). we get some more heart to hearts, mike gets will's painting and loves it, will comforts him, they find el, mike is forced into a love confession and then el lives even though there's major consequences they still don't know about all the way in hawkins.

why the little summary? well, if you think about it, mike has sort of had a "false victory" (as in his arc started by being negative to then being a bit positive), a beat in story telling that can only be followed by *drum roll* the darkest moment. the moment when a character hits rock bottom, where they lose everything and because of it they reach their "aha!" moment. now, this will happen with the plot itself and other characters since this is the last season though i would say the darkest moment is for the overall plot is the ending of s4 when max dies and the four gates open. but when it comes to mike, i think that moment still needs to come in s5 and what better plot device to use than vecna's curse?

in my humble opinion mike has been dancing around his demons and conflict for way too long and while in season 4 we got a bit of mike stealing a glimpse at them, this time mike needs to stare at them dead in the eyes so he can have his "aha!" moment or the moment of realization that will boost him into the beginning of the ending of his arc. while being cursed, mike will be face to face with his greatest fears and conflicts, with those things he's been avoiding throughout the entire show, and then... he'll die.

i am a "mike dies and is brought back to life" truther. mike's death would be so important for other characters' arc but also for his own arc, because you can die and then come back to life without realising some stuff, right? i think season 5 is mike's season to get hurt and be exposed to everything he's been shoving under the carpet. i would love to see him realize about how other people have hurt him and how he's hurt others. i want him to scream and yell and be loud and for example go and face karen and ted and tell them everything he's been keeping inside, same with nancy. i want mike to cry and scream and just explode and let it all out after he is cursed and brought back so he can start healing.

i think s5 will be mike's cathartic moment when he finally comes to terms with many things, but that won't happen until he faces his darkest moment and reaches rock bottom. i'm not sure how this would align with the time jump, but i'm so scared for mike in s5 and still i'm shaking with excitement

so sorry this was so long shdshdhs i'm not sure i even said that much help but thank you for the ask!!!

[lindszeppelin]

Another unemployed actress here. I see some of us are talking to you and catching up on celebrity gossip in the strike (whoever mentioned earlier this week that we don’t unplug online bc we need a break from work ✨NAILED IT✨) so I wanna say something about the paps/nepos/pr etc. Those bday pap walk pics are SENDING me. I live in LA and paparazzi aren’t just camped on random sidewalk corners. Maybe outside of big hotels bc they know NY and London based celebs fly in and stay there, plus many meetings/photoshoots happen at iconic hotels. But just randomly camped out in random neighborhoods of LA? Nope. Does the public realize how big LA is? TMZ is the worst but it’s named that bc it stands for Thirty Mile Zone. LA and what’s considered LA (other towns like Burbank, Santa Monica, etc) are all within a 30 mile square radius. Yes, some celebs live in Beverly Hills or Bel Air but many live throughout the city like in Studio City, Sherman Oaks, Encino, Los Feliz, and more. My rambling point being it would be impossible to just camp out photographers hoping to see a celebrity. It’s too big of a city with a ton of hot spots celebrities “could” be. There’s rarely “random” encounters these days especially since celebrities will now call the paparazzi.

I’ve wondered for years why in the blue fuck Kaia Gerber is more famous than her actual body of work and now it’s clicking (seriously I had no idea until recently how creepy Cindy Crawford and her family are!!!). The bday pap walk was not a fluke. She, him, and/or they called the paps for that. 100%. That wasn’t random. What people don’t get is fame is like wealth: it’s easier to acquire once you have it. When you’re poor, it’s easy to stay poor bc you get fines for late bills or can never get ahead. With career success, you stay in obscurity unless you become more known but that’s easier said than done. It’s really hard to get arrested. Some celebs get famous and stay low key and don’t play the fame game. The rest call the paps to stay relevant or get more famous or whatever it is they’re trying to accomplish. It’s a resource that only happens if ppl know you. I suppose I could call the paps but I have 5 small IMDB credits and am not worth anything, so of course I won’t end up in the Daily Mail even if I called them. I’m not even saying I would call the paps. What I’m saying is I don’t have the luxury of having that option. Kaia Gerber, the worst actress of all time, gets to hang out on vacation during the strike and is promoting struck work via pap walks bc of her movie coming out. Therefore she’s still relevant and on producers and casting directors minds when the strike is up. Media and paparazzi are a business. And in these times of Insta followings, being relevant matters more than being good at your job sadly.

Kaia Gerber is a terrible actress. I’m in a minority where I only think she’s a so-so model (she’s gorgeous but her eyes are so dead in soooo many of her photoshoots and her poses are pretty damn generic). Nobody would know her name if a) it weren’t for her parents and b) she didn’t have access to orchestrate her PR. There’s also a bunch of nepo babies who are in the industry who aren’t as famous. Why? They’re from more grounded families (some way more famous than Cindy Crawford) and are paying their dues by auditioning and slumming it with the rest of us in small theaters getting no press. Just bc you’re the kid of someone famous does NOT mean you’re famous automatically. The delusional fans who like these no-talent nepo kids like Kaia fail to realize PR is only what’s shown—there’s sooo much to Hollywood that the public never sees, like a nice nepo kid not calling in the paps. (I’d give names but they seem to respect their privacy so I will too.)

Kaia is famous bc she has good PR that she has paid for and orchestrated. That’s it. She’s not special enough to warrant allllllllllll of the publicity she’s received. I know ppl with parents who are more famous and they are more talented and they aren’t known yet bc they actually love the craft and aren’t taking cheap roads to get roles. Yes, they’re comfortable financially and yes they maybe get some small opportunities here and there but bc they aren’t strong arming themselves into the industry, they’re rising slowly. People need to start doing critical thinking about the media and stop acting like fame at this level happens just bc your parents are famous.

As I said, I was confused why she kept getting cast after I saw her ridiculous attempt at acting on AHS. I was like, “damn nepotism does matter more than it used to!!” bc hey, at least Kate Hudson CAN act. At least Sophia Coppola became a director and didn’t keep trying to act. Rumor Willis (who I don’t hate) never had her acting career take off the way it could have, and yet she’s a better actress than Kaia. I was so confused why the nepos I met in the wild weren’t famous but other nepos were. I had no idea the Daily Mail covered Kaia the way they do. I’ve been to several spots she’s been “papped at” and they are random AF parts of town and not usually celeb hotspots. She’s paying for her own clout. Period.

So yes, of course the paps were called on Austin’s bday. No debate in my mind. Can’t let the public forget Kaia Gerber and her silly movie coming out otherwise people would forget her…because she’s got nothing to back up her fame regarding talent, charisma, or personality. Everyone who supports Kaia supports rich kids cutting to the front of the line bc they can afford to pay to have that happen.

Hi there!! I really have to thank you and the other actress who took the time to tell us how it is from the other side of the coin. It's intriguing to hear how the Hollywood machine operates from those that actually have the knowledge. Again, as with the other actress anon i got, i think everyone in the fandom should read your message. It should be required reading lol

And see this is the problem. She cannot promote Bottoms. So at risk of being called a scab if she were to go against promoting her film, she uses herself and Austin for PR as a means of "promoting". Same thing applies to the Nobu party, the coffee runs, and the Swift Eras concert on the day of Austin's cologne drop. It's all orchestrated.

And im glad you brought up the point that paps don't just stake out places in hopes of catching these celebs. I think it's soooo important to underscore that the celebs call the paps themselves. Some have a tight working relationship with specific photogs (ie. Kim Kardashian etc). It's also a situation where in a coupling, one person can call the paps and the other one is unaware. Certainly both can call and are totally aware. But based on how much Austin dislikes the paps in general, I would probably say that the times Austin has allowed the paps to photograph him were few and far between compared to how often it's actually Kaia that calls them. Austin probably only calls them when it's him doing solo pap walk stuff, like we had seen him do around June.

And I agree with your point on Kaia being an okay model. She's a much better model than actress, but hell even kaia isn't the best of the best when it comes to modeling either. She never turns it off either, even in pap pics or "candid" pics with fans or whomever she's always "on". She needs to turn it off and get a dose of reality once in a while. She comes across as self absorbed when she does shit like that.

I'll end my long rant by saying I hope you are able to get by during this strike. idk if you're out there on the front lines but if you are remember to stay hydrated, and look after one another. Let's hope for some kind of resolution soon so you guys can keep financially supporting yourselves <3

[londonspirit]

Incoherent GO Rambles for prosperity

It's been two weeks and three days since Good Omens 2 dropped, and I'm still not over it.

CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR GOOD OMENS S2!!

For not even having WANTED the show, back when they announced it, I haven't been this in love with anything since S1!

I mean, I love the book and I was all for it when they said they're going to make a show out of it. (Do NOT get me started on the awesomeness of the cast; those who had been around, KNOW - the rest doesn't need to know the extents of my unhingedness back then!!!) I mean, I have a GO banner in my kitchen, for crying out loud!

Anyhow, when they announced a second season, I was more or less meh! Yes, I didn't really want it, it felt like overstaying its welcome and making the best of something that was too damn epic to be replicated again!!! (Which is still true for many sequels these days - some things just do NOT need a continuation! Some things just are allowed to END permanently!!!)

Boy, was I wrong!!! On second thought, I should've known. Neil (and Rob) know what they're doing. If anyone could make a second season of something that only existed in Neil's and Terry's heads, it was them.

Of course I was happy to get DT and MS back - they're just fucking epic together! Of course I followed the filming of it - it's DT, I always do (casually). But I didn't really care as much for it as I did for S1. I did see the promos and everything, I watched the trailer but my heart wasn't really in it.

But of course I watched it when it dropped (I'm not nothing but loyal to something I love(d), and I will always give it the benefit of a doubt). Well, I watched the first episode at work (calm day, and boss doesn't really care much anymore) and then the second one and since a dear friend had a head-start on me, she made sure I watched the 3rd one as well - I have never ever laughed this much about a stupid zoom-out onto a CAR in fucking EVER!!!!

I mean, that was one of the few reasons I was actually excited about it - John freaking Finnemore - I've been watching and listening to him for over a decade now (Thanks BC) so I KNEW it would be good on the writing front (Yes, I know, Neil's also very good at it, I never questioned the writing or anything!! I love him dearly; just didn't feel we needed more, that's all!)

Anyhow, I had to stop watching and could only finish after work on Saturday. I'm still utterly amazed that I wasn't spoilered on it - and GOOD LORD, am I glad for that!!!! Even The Leak didn't make it on any of my sm's - well, it did but I had that much self control to NOT click any links... which I will never not be grateful for!!!!!

Because it surprised me, shocked me, blew my fucking mind!!!!! In the best possible way, mind you!!!

I've NEVER really seen those two as lovers.

There, I said it. For me they had been best friends, platonic soulmates, whatever you wanna call two beings who hung around each other for over 6000 years and still wanna be around one another.

Of course I saw it all before: the art, the fics, the meta's and hey, good on you. Just wasn't how I saw it but hey, that's totally fine.

So The Kiss really caught me off guard. Like, staring at my screen with my mouth open and my heart pounding kind off guard.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I couldn't believe Neil went and did that. It was just too damn good to be true!!! (I mean, I've watched OFMD, I KNOW it's possible to do that but its soooo fucking rare these days, it's always better to expect disappointment than something some people have been waiting and wanting for over 30 years!!!!)

The rewind button got a workout, I was soo glad I wasn't at work watching that, so I could freak out properly, and I will be forever grateful that I had my friend who had watched it so I could scream and wail at her all I wanted and she was there for me, holding me virtually, screaming with me and just in general keeping me from losing my mind entirely.

It took me a while to wrap my head around it (still trying to catch up with all of Neil's asks (as I had been ignoring a lot beforehand as I didn't want to be spoilered too much)) and Im still sooo very much in love with it.

Yes, I am. It's maybe not the show I wanted but BY GOD, it's the show I needed. I loved S1, and I fucking ADORE S2 just as much. The whole damn thing is just perfect (as I should've known with Neil!) and I swear, Amazon better be renewing it, unless they want to deal with an angry mob of GO fans descending on their headquarters...

I ignore all the bigots and homophobes and in general people complaining about it because they're just wrong. If they still don't get it, yeah well... they never will.

I love how my very own perception of these two has shifted now. I mean, I knew they loved each other, just never really in THAT way (still understood why and how others may saw that differently, that's the beauty of fandom!). I still don't see it very sexual (right now at least), more like the kind of deep and endless love that comes after having spend sooo much time together, having avoided Armageddon and scheming against their bosses. It comes with trust and a feeling of 'he knows me better than I know myself'. It's a love humans probably never will have, and it's so fucking beautiful I wanna weep!!!

It made me write my first GO fic (after having tried and failed back in the days), and I hope there will be more because I am fucking inspired right now!!!

It made me fall back in love with DT which I never say no to *hehe* I mean, he's always been there for the past decade or so, at the back of my fandom life, popping up every now and then when there's new things he's done but boy, did he stoke that simmering flame into a roaring fire with his beautifully nuanced and incredibly heartbreaking Crowley! It does help that he ages like the finest wine and has never looked better! (although im still sad that demons apparently don't have freckles... god, I love those freckles so much!)

I'm still a little taken aback at the INTENSITY of my own feelings for this season! Right now, there's nothing more pressing than having the confirmation for a third season and then getting that on its way. (Its DOES help to know that Neil would be writing a novel in the VERY UNLIKELY case of S3 NOT happening!) But hey, that's take time, so I'll do the one thing I am really really good at - waiting. Trusting that the strike will resolved in favour of the artists, knowing that as soon as that happens, Neil will get on it. Hoping DT and MS still wanna do a third act with those two idiots, and knowing I will be a lot more invested in everything again going forward!!!

Until then, I will be rewatching it over and over, look at all the beautiful art and read all the wonderful fics, maybe write some more myself and just revel in the unapologetic love Neil (and the fandom) has for these two (That man's a fucking SAINT - I've never seen anyone have this much patience with our fandom, yet he's not afraid to call people out on their assholery if needed and I will love him deeply and wholly for the rest of my life!)

So yeah, basically just wanna say how very much I love Good Omens S1 AND S2!!! And that I was wrong!

NEVER doubt Neil Gaiman!

[silvcrignis]

@manufactoredxbyxdesign ♛

@manufactoredxbyxdesign Punky’s out here throwing you to the WOLVES, they just made a lucky choice because I’m a favourite player lmfao.

{Meme}: [ ♛ ] send me your url and i'll tell you the following; {x}

My opinion on;

Character in general: It’s so sad that I have nar actually played a single Resident Evil Game (I used to watch my dad play them back when I was a smol) or touched a single DBD match but somehow still ended up hyper fixated on this character bc not only was he EVE R Y WHERE back when I was a kid he was my like favourite type of shitbag smarmy over confident character hdhghg I would probably write Albert Wesker if I had the confidence or the complete lore knowledge to hfhgh the perfect live action FC already exists for him thanks to Buffy 😭

How they play them: Hgdhgnh I’ve told them this personally but they’re soooo good, like I hear Albert’s voice when they post something??? Like I love him, a lot of people love uwuing softening villains & I’m like bro they’re fucking evil they may have tender moments or people they are softer with but that’s an EVIL hoe, stop pretending they didn’t do nothin’ wrong. He’s written so MEAN & I fucking adore that, it’s the same way I portray my Severus Snape bc that man has called his own spouse a fucking FOOL before & that’s. My. T y p e, Like I need them to understand I’m not just saying this bc they gave my shit stain gremlin girl a chance (okay maybe a little bc this place has burnt me many times b u t) I’m saying this because I genuinely don’t think they realise just how GOOD they portray this nasty snarky PHD wielding grifter man 😭

The mun: Hurt them & feel the sting of my blade, I swear to God, I will break into your home at 3:37 AM & slather cream cheese & onions on the inside of your pillowcases if I find out you ever legitimately hurt their feelings. Like I was so scared to follow them bc their writing was really on point & canon character blogs be acting stank as hell here especially to me bc Keira isn’t an easy™️ OC girl. & like idc if someone roasts me but I will r I d e for my squad, especially the ones who put up with my ridiculous spammy bullshit like they do hhhhh they deserve better than some of the absolutely manic posts I send them fr fr but I usually make up for my transgressions by sliding them the gud Albertcore.

Do I;

Follow them: I do, I followed their second blog @lxdyvenxm so fucking fast when I saw their post it gave me whiplash ghhgbhjn

RP with them: Of course I do, I have to stick all the pale haired tsunderes together in one spot though Al is a low-key yandere wearing the tsundere skin tbch but he’s deffo part of the club.

Want to RP with them: I… I need Keira to leave this man alone bc every time I get a new idea for Keira the DBD verse her first thought is “What would Albert think about it~🖤🖤🖤?” Yeah she’s a lil obsessio over him but I’M normal hfhgh I don’t want them to think I’m a weird stalker like I don’t want into Albert Wesker’s pants this CREATURE is the one who does!!!!

Ship their character with mine: The concept of them together is terrifying & I mean BOTH Keira & Albert & uhhh the other two shinies (YOU KNOW WHO grhfghf) like they would put the “Power” in the would power couple before some crazy shit starts going down in that Fog… So yeah I do, I want them holding hands while those hands are covered in blood… Because they’re making out while stabbing a person. While holding the same knife. Little known fact about me I fucking LOVE murder couples, especially where one’s a little more fucked up than the other but the other isn’t bothered by that instead they use their slightly calmer head to plan out some REALLY fucked up ideas for them to do together.

What is my;

Overall opinion: Send a long text get a long text ba- Oh wait wait that’s like summin different. Follow them. Love them. Ask about their headcanons bc their headcanons are really good & so fascinating??? Let Albert dismember & bully your muse, Keira wants to film him throwing around their body parts everywhere with the tentacles pls she said it’ll be super funny~~~~

**Note: Mun’s answer are all to be completely honest. Don’t send url if you don’t want brutal honesty.

[internetgremlin-writes]

FLAT SPIN CHAP 5 SPOILERS!!

OH MY GOD IGGY THAT CHAPTER WAS ABSOLYTELY PERFECT!!!!

The way he asked her to come to Barcelona… SO carlos of him I wanted to cry… AND THE WAY HE METICULOUSLY PLANNED EVERYTHING? I am sorry if you dont like / dont care about zodiacs BUT THE VIRGO ENERGY IN HIM JUMPED OUT, and I respect it soooo much. Everything he planned was so /him/, but also so so perfect for MC — the little gestures? Ordering for her? Translating everything for her? POSTING HER ON HIS STORY? God i literally melted

AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON HIM COOKING FOR HER… because god damn you Know how Weak I am and it was so beautiful, also the British breakfast once again just shows how much he cares for her and understands her🥹 i am just about to combust actually

AND THEN RACE WEEKEND? And everything with the green tractor and also MC and Sebs relationship? Once again nailed it sm god i love these teammates… and how she didnt want to fight Seb / come across like that because he just means so much to her????? Girl you got me on the floor rn…

What I cannot stop thinking about is how shes in for the championship, and as of rn so is Carlos… Will they be fighting each other further down the line or… 👀 Make up sex as an apology for aggressive overtaking again? Or podium celebration sex because BOTH of them ended up on the podium (Silverstone? 👀) So many possibilities omfg dont mind me

AND THEN LAST BUT NOT LEAST (thiugh i still have so much to say but my slow ass brain needs a bit of time i guess) the ending was just perfect… like am I the only one thinking Carlos didnt want to sleep with her pre race weekend bc he wanted to fully focus on her but couldnt with all the GO expectations around him? But now that it was done he could let himself fully focus on her and give her all the attention he thinks she deserves? God I love them sm… And the way you let all those emotions show through during the smut was just CHEFS KISS, the way they understand each other is just so 🥹🥹🥹 i have no words lol other than i’m SO obsessed..,

God i hope this all is legible its 4:14am now and i am prone to word vomit already when my brain is working so this may just sound like incoherent crap but i hope you know this chapter was SO GOOD, also the way you captured Barcelona imo was spot on like I wouldnt have noticed that it was all based on research and not personal experiences (though i guess i must confess i havent been to barcelona since i was 4 either… JSJDKFKF BUT YOU MANAGED TO CAPTURE THE SPANISH VIBES PERFECTLY THAT I CAN TELL YOU BC I JUST VACATIONED IN SPAIN LAST MONTH)

okay oh my god i am back from festival and i am finally going to reply to this without crying halfway through...

firstly OH MY GOD. you... you wrote all this... about my work?? I'm touched, I'm shook, I'm honoured, this is honestly the best feeling and probably as close to a "real" author with people analysing my work as I'll ever get and I am ABSOLUTELY here for it (especially as a literature nerd who loves to pick apart all of my books for fun)

haha I don't *dislike* zodiacs, I don't really follow them to that much detail but I vaguely have an idea of them. To be honest, the way I write Carlos is purely based on the guy we see as a Formula One driver and personality (but now you say that I totally see the virgo energy). ALSO I'M SO GLAD YOU NOTICED THOSE I am entirely convinced Carlos is a very detail-oriented person and especially when he is first seeing someone he would be really careful to go out of the way to do really subtle but meaningful things yanno?

As for the championship fight... well I don't want to give anything away but oh I *definitely* have a plan for MC and Carlos and the WDC ;)

Haha don't worry it all made sense! And thank you so much for the comment about Barcelona... it's a little embarrassing how long I spent on google for things to do in and around the city because I've never been to mainland Spain, so even if it's not 100% accurate I'm just happy the vibes were right!!

honestly just thank you so much for this, it means the absolute world <3 <3 <3

[fancifulpurposelesslovely]

Okay I put this in the tags if another post last night but deleted it bc it wasn't actually the place and I'm gonna share my thoughts but might not even tag this idk.

Re: that post abt the trc fandom disappearing post greywaren

First: I like a lot of the dreamer trilogy. I pretty well liked greywaren. I'm not as attached to either as I am to trc, but I did genuinely enjoy them.

Second: I am a trc fandom baby. I am a fandom INFANT. I got into these books about 3 weeks before Greywaren came out, and got to Greywaren about 3 weeks after it came out.

Third: They ate my brain for 3 months. I read TRC twice in the space of two weeks, then TDT, with greywaren specifically twice in a row. I then followed with Scorpio Races and All the Crooked Saints. I genuinely coukdnt read anything not Stiefvater for THREE MONTHS bc my brain was like "this is where the dopamine lives, nowhere else".

Third: I also read a fair amount of Maggie's blog and her thoughts about the series, including the notes that came out right after Greywaren was published. I've read 11 of her books. I own the writing seminar she put together and have watched about half of it just to listen to her talk. I like her art a lot and think her music is neat. I am Not Normal about Maggie Stiefvater.

So. Given the givens, my thoughts. The post I saw was the one going around about how the fandom died after Greywaren came out. I can't really speak to this bc I couldnt look at the tags until I finished Greywaren. So I only really know the fandom post-Greywaren. TRC is what brought me back to tumblr tho, after probably 4 years of only casually being interested in what was happening over here. I needed people to yell with and I found them here.

What I can speak to and apparently cannot prevent myself from speaking to is a lot of the notes on that post. There was a lot of talk of her being bored with the series, of wishing she had taken more time, of feeling betrayed by it not being the series she wanted/she had promised.

I am in many ways a Stiefvater apologist. I am. Yeah, she was probably kind of bored with the series. She was overwhelmed. It was 7 books and 10 years, and she was tired. She's stated that she's never going to write a series again. She's over the whole concept. Series are hard, the final book in a series is especially hard. I think we can look at George RR Martin and Patrick Rothfuss for truth there.

And maybe it feels as tho she should have gone the way of those 2. Not finishing the story, or putting it odd for longer to get it right. But a- I feel like that actually would have sucked more and gotten her more shit, and b- I have a feeling it wasn't an option given her contracts. And taking more time was probably not an option given her contracts. She had signed on for 3 books, possibly within a timespan, and three books she had to give them.

As go "this wasn't the Ronan series she promised" and "I hated the universe/big pieces of thr plot", we go back to the scholastic contracts. They didn't let her write the story she wanted. She had different titles she wanted, there was a whole different plot and vibe. The fucking Moderators weren't her idea. And yeah this comes directly from her statement post greywaren publishing, where she still had to be careful and still needed to sell books, but personally I believe her. If you've ever listened to her talk about writing, you know she has specific stories she wants to tell. Stories that matter to her and feel important. She'll make concessions based on marketability or what she believes the audience would like more, but she wants to tell a specific story. And she didn't get to do that with TDT and I think it pissed her off more than she let on.

I also think it's pretty fucking clear she isn't super happy with Greywaren. She literally nailed a copy of it to the wall. Like pounded a handmade wrought iron nail through a hardback copy of the book and then put it on the wall in her study. She was soooo fucking done. And it might feel like a betrayal of her readers and the series to be tired of the series and to give us a book that feels tired of and annoyed with the series, but she's a person as well as an author. She has opinions and desires and things she does and doesn't want to be doing. And for the sake on contracts, commitments, and not disappointing readers, she kept writing books she maybe didn't care about anymore. There's enough neurodivergence in the fandom that the difficult nature of that should make sense, right?

I saw at least one person say they aren't going to get any more of her books, and like obviously that's a choice you get to make, it feels like a shitty one. Personally I'm pretty excited to see what she does next. She's apparently working on a fairly long adult novel that's got her excited again. I love reading stuff written by people who are excited to be writing it, so I think this none is gonna be a good time. But idk, her writing style just makes my brain go brrrr.

Also i don't know how relevant is to the point I'm making but I still need to say it:

Idk how many people know/remember/consider that 2 of these seven books were written and published while she was like. Actively dying. Or suffering from a condition that was pretty damn close to killing her. TRK and CDTH were written in the fucking height of her symptoms while no one was paying attention and getting a dx was really fucking hard. She talked about putting a lot of her experience with illness into Ronan, and Addison's is a disease of lack of energy and sleeping too much and missing a lot of your own life because of it. And maybe thats why Greywaren felt right to her, and maybe that's why TRK and CDTH feel different to the books before and after them. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it all and my hyperempathy is getting the better of me.

Idk yall I just. Like Maggie.