#and this is not even addressing the people who only see him as sex appeal

[buck-yyyy]

alright, i've got a really hot take and not everyone is going to agree with me on it (actually i have a sinking feeling that not many people are going to), but that's perfectly okay- just please hear me out.

someone liking billy hargrove as a character does not mean that they're racist, homophobic, or a bad person in any way.

alright, let me explain.

first and foremost, a disclaimer:

BILLY WAS RACIST. THIS IS A REOCCURRING MOTIF IN SEASON TWO. TO IGNORE THAT IS TO DIMINISH WHAT LUCAS WENT THROUGH AT BILLY'S HANDS.

BILLY CONTINUED THE CYCLE OF ABUSE TOWARDS MAX. THIS IS A REOCCURRING THEME IN SEASONS TWO AND ESPECIALLY FOUR. TO IGNORE THAT IS TO DIMINISH THE TRAUMA MAX EXPERIENCED FROM HIM.

now, here are my thoughts.

i think that a lot of us have had rather... unpleasant, lets say, interactions with billy stans, and that's led us to be very against anyone appreciating his character.

a big problem in this fandom is the amount of people who excuse racism, homophobia, sexism, etc etc simply because the actor playing the character who said it is attractive- and that is definitely a big problem with steve fans, which is a whole other post in of itself, but it's an even BIGGER issue with billy fans.

we've all seen someone who uses the billy's father's abuse to say that nothing he did was bad and that he was just in pain- i'm not saying that that's okay.

but i think that we tend to come down too hard on the people who appreciate billy's place in the story simply because of his backstory.

there are a lot of people out there, most notably abuse survivors, who see themselves in the fact that billy's response to trauma is to lash out with anger, and there are a lot of us out there who are quick to invalidate those people by saying 'what's wrong with you, why do you sympathize with a racist wtf'- which i don't think is fair.

billy is an incredibly nuanced character, and we don't get to see very much of him. we see very little of who he was back in california, and when he has the most screen time, he's literally possessed- leading to us only being able to deduce a couple main character traits.

because of that, it's easy to reduce his character to simply his racism, which, again, should not be ignored.

but as a community, we often look down at the people who do what we do with byler that decide to look deeper into billy's character rather than simply leaving him flat, 2-D, and unexplored.

i don't think that's fair.

it's an incredibly fine line between enjoying analyzing his character and/or seeing yourself in his trauma responses versus glorifying his character and excusing his bigotry- however, plenty of people are doing perfectly fine with that line and still get lumped in with the apologists.

let's not be the people policing other people's interests, shall we?

tldr; billy apologists leave, billy appreciators you keep doing what you're doing and i'm sorry that you're getting harassed for finding representation or expressing interest in a complex character.

[fuctacles]

A tale as old as time

For @subeddieweek Day 7 | M | 2696 | cw: age gap (about 25-30y difference, Eddie's age is not stated, Steve's aligns with canon) | camboy Eddie, transmasc Eddie, kinda sugar daddy Steve?, modern AU, simp Steve, virgin Eddie, chatfic, pre-anything, gray ace Eddie | Ao3 Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Ao3

"Hawkins High '86? How old is this guy?" Eddie asks himself, his eyebrows raised. There is a letterman in front of him, a gift from one of his top subscribers. Hell, his top subscriber. His number-one fan, who was responsible for about half of his revenue.

He's opened a PO box recently, with no little amount of worry about what kind of stuff he might get. He only gave the address to his top subscribers but he knew that the ones with the most money were usually the most unhinged. He went to the post office with his heart in his throat but all he got was a set of lingerie, a toy, and the letterman he was now holding.

He tried not to think about what kind of people would pay for his content. As long as he was making money he didn't care. But now he got a piece of one of them in his hands. Staring back.

1986.

Meaning the guy must be nearing 60. Double Eddie's age. 

He tries to imagine that. An older guy, with wrinkles, maybe a beer belly, a gross old t-shirt, and his hand permanently in his sweats, beating it to his photos. 

It was gross. And in a way, alluring.

Though someone with so much money to spend on a camboy must have a well-paying job. Some rich asshole, exploiting others to do the work for him. That's a more likely scenario. He tries not to think about big, rough hands on him when he puts on the jacket and takes pics for Shar.

He edits them a bit before sending them, knowing the guy will get a kick from seeing him in his jacket. The appeal of wearing your boyfriend's letterman eluded him in high school, but being claimed like that gave him a heady feeling. The fact that the guy could be his father apparently worked for him too. 

He doesn't put his phone away fast enough and sees the message that pops up.

Shar: So hot. You look like every repressed teen jock's dream

Shar: Definitely like mine

Eddie thinks a moment about his response, channeling the persona he takes on for the camera. 

PuppetOfMasters: Would I be your dirty secret?

PuppetOfMasters: Would you fuck me in the locker room behind your girlfriend's back?

Shar: I'd make YOU my girlfriend

Shar: Wait no

Shar: NOT LIKE THAT

Shar: A girlfriend but in a manly way

Eddie snorts.

You're good, he types. I know what you mean, don't worry.

He wouldn't keep around someone who didn't respect him. Besides, he made it clear he's saving for a transition with his Only Fans.

Thank god, Shar types. I respect who you are 

Shar: In fact, I spend so much money on you because of it. 

Eddie rolls onto his other side, his mood souring. One of those trans fetishists, then. That's fine, as long as he's being respectful and paying... Even if it leaves an unpleasant taste in his mouth. 

Ah, a connoisseur! Well, I hope I'm your favorite tranny, then, he jokes. He waits for an answer, but it doesn't come for a long while, so he flips his phone screen down and turns away, hoping for sleep.

A response is waiting for him when he wakes up. 

Shar: I guess it sounded that way, but I'm not that kind of pervert. You're the only trans sex worker I follow, but not the only trans person I've sent money to.

Eddie sauntered to the bathroom, not taking his eyes off his phone. He wonders if continuing the conversation is even the right move. He's talked to one too many guys who thought sending him a dick pick was okay after ten minutes of small talk between a content creator and a fan.

But he's kind of curious. When he has money to spare, he sends some change to other trans folks to help out, because he knows how hard it is from his own experience. But why Shar, a seemingly loaded old guy, would spend his money on queers instead of, let's say, starving children?

PuppetOfMasters: So you're just an ally with cash? Or is there more to it? I'm curious.

He goes through his morning routine, washing his face, and brushing his teeth, not expecting Shar to get back to him any time soon. So he's surprised when he picks his phone back up and a response is waiting.

Shar: Long story short, I hope my father is rolling in his grave while I spend his inheritance on people he hated so much.

That's not what Eddie expected at all. 

PuppetOfMasters: So I'm a means of rebellion against your bigoted dead father? I'll take that. I hate rich assholes

Shar: Me too

They don't talk for the whole day after that, but when Eddie's done running errands and editing in the evening, he looks back at the letterman hanging on the door of his wardrobe. 

How is sending me your letterman an act of rebellion? he asks. Because he's a curious little shit. 

The response comes fast like the guy is glued to his Only Fans chat. Gross. Eddie wonders briefly if he's talking with other sex workers there.

Shar: A souvenir of his precious high school fetishized on a queer ssex worker? He'd die if he hadn't already

So it is a fetish thing! Eddie smiles triumphantly at his phone.

Shar: Okay, fine

Shar: Sticking it to my father is just a bonus for you being really hot. 

Shar: And I do love seeing you in my letterman, I've jerked off to it three times already

Shar: is that what you wanted to hear?

Eddie grins, rolling on his bed.

PuppetOfMasters: Yes 

Shar: So yeah, I'm an old man who peaked in high school, laugh it up

PuppetOfMasters: I'd rather you peaked in me

Shar: Insufferable

Shar: Menace

Shar: Yeah, I'd love that. A man can dream, right?

Eddie bites his lip. How far is too far? The guy seems genuine and after the amount of creeps that's been chatting him up, he thinks his creep radar is quite good. Tentatively, he starts typing.

PuppetOfMasters: I don't know. I think people would like seeing me get railed by an older guy

Shar: An old guy, you mean

Shar: You'd make a video with me?

PuppetOfMasters: I record most of the sex I have, yes

Shar: Huh. I've never seen one before, then

PuppetOfMasters: warm, warmer

Shar: ... There aren't any?

PuppetOfMasters: din ding ding! ya boy is a virgin

Shar: shit

Shar: fuck

Shar: that's so hot

Shar: you'd let me?

PuppetOfMasters: Would I let my best-paying subscriber be my first time on camera? Probably

Not necessarily to be released but he couldn't lose the possibility of such golden content in case it was watchable. 

Shar: I'd better keep my spot then. Just in case.

PuppetOfMasters: No worries, you seem the most trustworthy so far anyway.

But as he types it, a new notification appears. Shar sent him a hefty tip on one of his photos.

PuppetOfMasters: That's really not necessary

PuppetOfMasters: But I hope your father is kicking and screaming in his coffin

Shar: I fucking hope so

----

It takes Eddie another day to google Hawkins High's yearbook photos. He'd thought about it before but didn't want to break the bubble of anonymity between himself and his fan. But the thoughts of big hands on his hips, and beard rubbing against his neck, took root in his brain and were tainting his mind.

Not fully in tune with his body and distrustful of others, Eddie has been single for most of his life. And now his stupid horny brain was drooling at the thought of losing his virginity to a grandpa on the internet. 

Hoping it would help his thoughts calm down, he looks through the photos from the year 1986, in search of a Harrington. And he finds him.

Steve Harrington. Basketball captain and swim team co-captain. His hairdo was magnificent and his smile was self-confident. Eddie would hate him in high school. Should probably hate him now. So he expands his search further, beyond the Hawkins High memory lane.

He finds one single photo on a LinkedIn profile. 

The current Steve Harrington's hair is no less magnificent, just peppered with silver. He wears glasses now, which accentuate the line of his jaw and make his neatly trimmed facial hair pop out. He's wearing a yellow jacket and a white golf, which should be hideous but weirdly, works for him. Eddie doesn't get to see his eyes, unfortunately. The photo looks like a candid photo shoot take-out after someone told him a joke. His head is tilted down, eyes scrunched and lips pulled in a smile, as a bubbling laugh got immortalized on camera.

Eddie shouldn't be finding a sixty-year-old man this endearing. 

PuppetOfMasters: I like your LinkedIn photo

PuppetOfMasters: Well, I hope it's you. 

PuppetOfMasters: Steve, right?

He can't forget about this for the whole day, not as he budgets his income, and especially not when he records a short video jerking off in the shower. He tries not to look at his phone but it's his only one, so he does while trying to budget in a second one, just for sex work. Maybe then he wouldn't be feeling so insane about not getting a response from a stranger who is an old pervert spending loads of money on him. 

He tries to be normal when a chat notification finally pops up. 

Shar: If you saw the golf and yellow jacket photo, that's me

Shar: though please don't make me type my full name in here.

no worries, Eddie types back so fast he should be embarrassed. It's a good photo.

Shar: Thanks. My best friend took it 

PuppetOfMasters: Your friend has a good eye

Shar: I'll let her know

Shar: I'm surprised it took you this long to search me up

Eddie's surprised too. Usually, his curiosity would take over him sooner.

PuppetOfMasters: I tried not to pry. But I had to in case we were gonna meet up one day

Shar: So you were serious?

Shar: I've been wondering if you sweet-talk all your followers like that 

PuppetOfMasters: Only the ones that don't send me dick pics

Shar: I knew holding back would pay off

Eddie snorts at his phone. 

Though I might need one before we meet up, he types. Gotta know what I'm working with

Shar: Right. Of course

Shar: So how would that work?

Eddie hasn't thought about it this far.

PuppetOfMasters: I need to read about OF's policy on collabs. Never had to before, since I work solo. Would probably have to hire you, well, sign a commission/gig contract or something like that. So it's all legal and shit.

Shar, Steve, doesn't answer for a long while, and it might be the end of his devirginizing journey. Well, if the guy doesn't want to make this legal, put his name on some paperwork, then he isn't trustworthy, and that's the end of it.

It's half an hour later and Eddie's bitten all his nails off trying not to follow up with any messages and focus on anything else when an answer finally comes.

Shar: Sorry my friend was bothering me

Shar: this sounds more complicated than I anticipated. So I would be like, a co-creator, then?

PuppetOfMasters: Precisely

Shar: Holy shit okay

Shar: Thought I'd be you know, less involved

Though you could hit it and quit it, huh? Eddie scrunched his nose. What was he getting himself into? Gods.

Shar: If that's what you wanted I'd take it

Eddie shouldn't be blushing over this one. It's like he's throwing the man scraps and he's licking them up.

PuppetOfMasters: Simp

Shar: I am what I am

Shar: With that said, I'm willing to make it work. Do all the paperwork you need

PuppetOfMasters: Doing paperwork just to fuck me? so romantic

Shar: I suck at paperwork so my friend would be doing it anyway

Shar: If that's okay

PuppetOfMasters: I think it's best if someone looks it over, yeah

Eddie hesitates for a moment.

PuppetOfMasters: That friend doesn't happen to be your wife?

Fuck no, comes the immediate response

Shar: I'm perpetually single and she's as gay as they come. 

PuppetOfMasters: Good. Wouldn't want to be the other girl

Shar: If I had the chance you'd be the only one

PuppetOfMasters: Jesus.

Eddie squeezes his legs together unconsciously.

PuppetOfMasters: Stop sweet talking me, I've already agreed to fuck

Shar: But we haven't signed anything yet. Even then, I'll keep sweet-talking you. It's what you deserve. 

For the first time, Eddie thinks he might not survive their meeting. And not because of the possible killer scenario. Thankfully, Steve gets back to business talk.

Shar: How would this work, legal stuff aside? Do you script this?

PuppetOfMasters: Do I look like I script shit?

Shar: I'm not the one with Only Fans

PuppetOfMasters: Fair. I think we could just set up cameras and do whatever we feel like. Then decide together if the footage will be released or not. 

Shar: Sounds reasonable

Shar:When would you want to do this?

When?

Eddie hasn't thought that far. In fact, he felt like he hadn't been thinking for the past couple of days. 

I'm the sole god of my schedule so I'm open to anything, he types evasively.

Shar: I have some time off next month, could fly to wherever you need me

Next month seemed close. Extremely close. Or maybe it wasn't? He never worked with anyone before. Hell, he didn't even have that many friends to meet up with. 

Next month works I guess, he answers despite his nerves.

Shar: Wanna face time before we start the legal work?

His nerves escalate, making his mouth dry. He reminds himself he's done this before, he's on camera all the time. 

PuppetOfMasters: Like, right now?

Shar: Yeah?

PuppetOfMasters: Ok, give me five minutes.

Eddie shoots up, checks himself in the mirror, and finds a good angle for his phone to set up. He lowkey hopes Steve picks up with his dick in the frame so Eddie can block him with a clear conscience and forget about the whole thing. When six minutes from his last message pass, he hits 'call'.

"Hi," Eddie squeaks when the video connects. Steve Harrington's arms are in the frame, crossed on the desk, and toned where he's leaning on them.

"Hi," he greets him with a dazzling smile. 

It is the guy from the photo, so at least he's not being catfished. And he has none of the creepy simp energy Eddie feared. He's just... a guy. It's both a relief and a disappointment. 

"Well?" the guy asks.

"Well, what?" Eddie frowns. 

"Are you disappointed? Am I too old?"

Eddie looks at him properly. His hair is lighter on the sides, but not grey yet, and the video quality doesn't make any wrinkles stand out to him. Maybe some worry lines, crow's feet if he squints. He looks like he keeps in shape, too. Eddie wouldn't call him old. Mature, maybe. A DILF slowly transforming into a Silver Fox. 

"You look fine. Good. You look good. Attractive," Eddie fumbles with his words and barely stops himself from facepalming. This is why he mostly texts.

Steve smirks at him. And holy shit, a dude twice his age smirking at him shouldn't be doing things to his body.

"You sure? You're not gonna block me after we hang up, are you?"

Eddie shakes his head.

"I stand by our plans. You're passing my creep radar so far, but uh..." He scratches his cheek nervously. "I'd like to keep in touch in case, you know. A red flag pops up. I hope you get it."

Steve nods, his expression growing serious.

"Absolutely. We're strangers, after all."

"Yeah." Eddie nods, relieved. It would give him ample time and opportunities to back out.

On the screen, Steve leans more on his arms, closer to the camera. 

"So I think dick assessment is next on the checklist?"

Eddie might not even survive video calls with this guy, after all. 

[icejinlov3r]

Headcanons of my DB Boys

(Frieza, Frost, Cell, and Zamasu)

So, imma make this into one large post, since that's just gonna be easier for me. I'm also gonna split up the headcanons from SFW and NSFW in case people don't feel like reading anything dirty. In any case, here are my silly headcanons.

Frieza Headcanons

SFW:

Frieza is a wine lover (borderline alcoholic) tends to be his cope when dealing with just about any negative emotion.

Has trouble expressing his emotions with words. His actions speak louder.

Has a pretty short temper. Quite a few things annoy him, but things such as stupidity and arrogance infuriate him the most.

When not being an emperor, he often enjoys reading and studying, but can also enjoy playing advanced games, such as chess.

Thinks highly of his appearance - especially appreciates and admires his tail.

Has a high standard when it comes to food. When done right, he favorites tend to be any sort of seafood; crab, lobster, fish, things along those lines.

His only real insecurity is his height (most who make fun of his shortness end up dead lol)

Hates when his father - or anyone - refers to him as "princess"

Bears great shame for his initial defeat against Goku on Namek, though attempts to keep it hidden (and often fails). Also gained immense PTSD from the incident. Yay.

Has a naturally intimidating presence, but just about everyone knows that.

Always enjoys having his ego stroked, no matter what the situation

While not necessarily a light sleeper, his senses are so keen he often can notice even the slightest changes around him.

If there is a person who he actually cares about (which is very few) even he can't resist sparing his occassional moments of softness.

Closeness and intimacy frighten him on an emotional level - afraid to allow himself become "weak" and risk someone hurting him. Or worse, afraid of hurting them in turn. (He's an emperor, but he has feelings dammit!)

NSFW:

Frieza (and his entire race) are intersex/are hermaphrodites. Meaning they are single sexed, and also have both male and female genitalia, hidden within their cloaca.

He is bisexual, enjoying the company of both men and women, though he slight preference towards men.

Isn't necessarily picky about a person's appearance, so long as it's appealing.

Personality wise, it depends on the person - he can enjoy dominating over someone shy and nervous, but can also enjoy *being* dominated by someone strong and confident. Though any and all disrespect is a turn off.

He has no preference for roles; he's fine being top or bottom. Again, mostly depends on the person he's with.

While he may be a sadist outside the bedroom, he can be quite different in bed. He can be however rough or gentle his partner wants. He gets more satisfaction in getting reactions from whomever he's with.

Frieza is surprisingly affectionate. Enjoys kissing, sweet talk, gentle caresses, and etc.

Has a praise kink. Can't help murmuring words of praise and compliments to his partner and seeing their reaction.

Being addressed by his proper title is a huge turn on for him.

Never likes to skip to the main event. Thoroughly enjoys foreplay, giving and receiving.

Doesn't necessarily have the largest dick, but is average size for his race.

Frost Headcanons:

SFW:

Similar to Frieza, is a wine lover. Though doesn’t have nearly as big a problem as Frieza.

Often wants to avoid direct fights as often as possible, especially if he has no chance of winning

Can often be annoyed, but unlike Frieza, doesn’t lash out unless necessary.

Is and has always been a lonely person, especially after his cover as a hero was blown.

If he did have more free time, he’d rather enjoy lazy activities, such as watching TV, playing video games, and listening to music.

Is actually pretty skilled with electronics. Can usually hack many basic technology.

Is rather insecure about both his abilities and his looks, especially compared to Frieza.

Frost has a sweet tooth, and enjoys several desserts, parfaits being his favorite. Though he also likes pastas and some crab dishes, like Frieza.

Despite what people might think, he’s actually a very sensitive person. It’s easy for him to feel guilt or shame or sadness.

Has *serious* trust issues. Is extremely paranoid and fearful that everyone is out to hurt him somehow, especially after he becomes a fugitive. The world is a scary place to him.

His erasure at T.O.P was a traumatic experience for him.

Has lots of trouble sleeping, as he’s very prone to nightmares.

Keeps several hidden poison needles on his person; including wrists, heels, tail, and even the tip of his tongue.

Honest to Kami, this poor baby just needs a hug and a shoulder to cry on!!! 🥺🥺 (wow, I have really sad headcanons of Frosty boy)

NSFW:

Like Frieza, he is intersex/hermaphrodite.

He is bisexual, though with a heavy preference towards males (I use to headcanon him as gay, but that has changed)

Is almost certainly a virgin, though mainly out of fear of intimacy and vulnerability. Has immense trouble trusting anyone with his body (and his heart)

Has an extremely sensitive body, especially on his neck, his tail, and between the legs.

Is usually attracted to men with bigger builds and strong personalities - anyone who makes him feel weak. Or rather, feels safe enough to allow himself to be weak.

Has an extremely sensitive body, especially on neck, tail, and between the legs

Does NOT enjoy pain of any sort. Is quite terrified of it actually.

Frost is a submissive bottom. His biggest preference, but also because he’s often too shy to ever take charge.

Always prefers a slow, gentle build up towards the main event. A chance to relax and adapt. Though when sucked into the main event, will finally demand for something a bit more rough.

Is certainly not a quiet lover. Has rather loud vocal chords.

Also has a smaller than average dick, but it’s not his main concern.

Has a praise kink, but prefers being the receiver.

Enjoys being “dominated” over, but only with someone he truly trusts.

Perfect Cell Headcanons:

SFW:

Can and is an arrogant ass. No one is more perfect than himself.

Obviously thinks highly of his own looks and abilities. Truly loves himself.

Often enjoys teasing and mocking others whenever he feels like it (especially people like Vegeta or Frieza)

Similar to Frost, enjoys watching TV and playing video games. But he also enjoys more athletic activities.

Also has a short temper, and isn’t afraid to express it through his fists

Is the smart ass king. Full of snarky comments and sarcasm.

In spite of what people might think, he’s actually very observant. Very good at reading people for who they really are or what they’re really feeling.

Has amazing healing abilities due to Piccolo’s DNA

Is not picky with food. Like just about everything - except anything with bugs. He *refuses* to eat bugs of any sort!

Despite his high self esteem, he does feel a certain shame when being referred to as a “monster” or “freak”. Often turn out to be trigger words for his rage.

Claims he’s a lone wolf, but in truth can be quite lonely at times, even if he ends up pushing others away.

Is a heavy sleeper and a loud snorer. An explosion could happen outside his bedroom and he’d hardly be phased.

Never lies. Always tells the truth, sometimes even bluntly. This is cause he *despises* lies.

NSFW:

Only has male genitalia but keeps it concealed under the black sheath on his groin.

Cell is pansexual - is attracted to all races and genders alike. He’s into everyone and everything.

Tends to have a dirty mind, though never to the point of disgusting or depraved.

You know this guy has a porno collection and is proud of it

There is little Cell isn’t into; has a wide variety of kinks. Though one of his favorites tends to be biting.

While normally fine with either role, Cell prefers to top (and almost always does).

Isn’t afraid to flirt or talk dirty. It’s practically his first language at times.

Usually adapts to whatever preferences his lover wants, since he enjoys sex either way.

Similar to Frieza, isn’t necessarily picky about appearances, so long as it’s appealing.

Usually likes people who are “hard to get”, or aren’t easy - tsunderes really.

Theres no soft way of putting this - he has a big dick. That’s all I’m saying. Moving on.

Enjoys most attention on his face and dick, since the rest of his body is covered in bio-armor, and thus has no real nerves to feel pleasure.

Straight up, is an *amazing* kisser.

Zamasu Headcanons:

SFW:

Has little patience for people in general, though especially regarding mortals.

While he’s a skilled fighter, doesn’t really like fighting. Finds it to be primitive and barbaric.

Puts himself on a higher pedestal than all mortals, and even some immortals.

During his free time, he’ll often enjoy the peace and quiet with his reading, practicing calligraphy, cooking, and meditation. Anything to ease his thoughts.

Claims he hates mortals, but really he’s just frustrated he doesn’t understand them and their illogical decisions.

Absolutely hates loud noises. Something about them just brings him immense anxiety. He attempts to keep hidden earplugs on his person.

Often asks the big questions in life, searching for his true purpose in the universe.

Enjoys foods that don’t necessarily have a strong flavor. Simplicity is appealing to his taste buds. Like a nice cup of tea.

Is very good at holding his composure - but only for so long.

Is a light sleeper. Tends to make him rather grumpy.

NSFW:

Possesses “typical” male genitalia (I heard somewhere that apparently Kai don’t have anything down there - my headcanon doesn’t agree)

One would assume he’s possible ace, both in means of attraction and romance. But Zamasu is actually gay - he’s just very very closeted. (Not about being gay, but about being attracted to anyone in general)

His standards for a partner are high. In fact he firmly believes there’s no one who could both appeal to him and understand him. BUT! Should they happen to do so, he tends to enjoy bigger builds on men. As for personality….all he really wants is someone he can understand, and in turn understand him.

While he does feel arousal and love, he can’t help feeling ashamed at doing so, thinking he should above such primitive feelings.

Is incredibly shy in bed, both with exposing his body and committing to the act.

When eventually relaxed enough to have sex, he does enjoy and appreciate foreplay, but only certain kinds.

Has the most sensitive ears. Enjoys having them touched, kissed, and bitten.

Is almost always a bottom role, often as a preference and because he lacks experience.

Just like Frost, is probably a virgin - in fact even more likely to be one.

Keeps quiet for most of the time, at least unless he’s close or is during the main event.

Like Frost, doesn’t enjoy pain in the slightest.

Okay, I think that’s everything (literally took me a few hours to complete this, but it was worth it). Now keep in mind, these are just MY headcanons. They are not fact, and you do not have to agree with them. I just wanted to write my interpretation of my favorite DB boys.

What do guys think? Tell me yours thoughts if you’d like! In any case, hope you enjoy!

[phoenixkaptain]

The all-consuming urge to do a character breakdown of Will Graham from Red Dragon…

They changed Will a lot from the books to the show. And don’t get me wrong, I love them both, but book Will Graham is so… silent.

He doesn’t speak to people. When he does, his responses are curt. He’s blunt. He doesn’t give a single fuck about hurting people’s feelings. Other people don’t like working with him. He’s quiet but intent and nothing fazes him. He can be insulted to his face and he just does not respond.

He’s a very nervous person, and rightfully so. But it’s a different nervous than Will in the show. Will in the show is very twitchy, Will in the book is still. Will can tell when psychiatrists (coughChiltoncoughcough) are trying to read him and he is Unimpressed.

When Lecter tries to derail the conversation, Will gets up to leave, and even says goodbye. Lecter says Will can’t appeal to his vanity, but when Will brings up Dr. Bloom being on the case, Lecter insists on looking over the files. He’s intimidated by Lecter, downright afraid and more than a little traumatized by Lecter, yet he still handles Lecter with finesse.

(If Dr. Bloom’s secretaries were better about not giving out people’s addresses to strangers on the phone, Will probably never would’ve been stabbed in the face.)

He isn’t exactly confident, but he knows when he’s right. He’s cold to people. People are scared of him. People don’t understand him.

He calls his wife all the time to get distracted from the case when it gets to be too much, and he genuinely seems to like Molly a lot, but Silence of the Lambs tells us that they don’t stay together.

Will doesn’t kill Dolarhyde. Molly kills Dolarhyde. She shoots him until she runs out of bullets. Will just gets stabbed in the face and runs until he collapses.

Will had a good conversation with a psychiatrist all of once in his entire life, and then that psychiatrist turned out to be a cannibalistic serial killer who obsesses over him. Will had a wife and a son and dogs and he loved them, and they left him. Will thought he was finally, finally done with Crawford and murder and serial killers, then he got stabbed in the face when he put his guard down.

I understand why they changed Will. I’ve heard people say that he’s difficult to relate to. He’s difficult to understand or like. He’s an alcoholic who pisses off a murderer on purpose and he’s so tired.

The biggest change is how much Crawford has to push him.

Will in the book is wheedled into it, but he refuses to do anything unless he has to. He refuses to see Lecter until he feels like he has to. He refuses to speak to anyone until someone else tells him to. He refuses to leave his hotel room unless Crawford drags him. That isn’t to say he doesn’t want to catch Dolarhyde. He definitely does. He just really wishes that he wasn’t the bait.

He’s an interesting character. He understands murder. He says that there’s a reason for the Dragon to bite his victims aside from sex, because there no hickeys. He says that it’s likely their suspect has never been incarcerated before. Lecter gives his opinion and then says that Will already thought of it, and Will had. He knows things. He’s haunted by things. He’s traumatized.

He figured out Lecter was the Ripper. Lecter figured out that Will knew. And Will asked him if he could leave to use the telephone down the hall. Perhaps more absurd, Lecter let him, and only stabbed Will after Will had already outed him. But that’s Lecter, Hannibal Lecter is the absolute most absurd character in all of fiction, I just find the image hilarious, like: “…may I borrow your telephone?” to the person you know painstakingly recreated the Wound Man with a corpse, as well as on paper.

I love book Will Graham. I am obsessed with his nonchalance that masks his terror. I adore that he got a Christmas card from Lecter and burned it. I can’t stop thinking about him, alone in an unfamiliar hotel room and surrounded by gruesome images of the cruelest of mankind’s mind, trying to use alcohol as a lifesaver so he doesn’t sink so deep that he can never resurface. Crawford thinks that as long as the criminal is ultimately found, it’s fine even if Will breaks.

The criminal is found. And Will most certainly breaks.

[onestepbackwards]

You need to get a life.

First of all, starting with the first paragraph. If Ace Anon has a problem with my writing, they can talk to me themselves. Sending you to talk to me makes me more upset than if they had reached out to me in DMs. Which they already had before. Sending you to me, and writing this, shows just how little either of you respect me. Next paragraph. As far as I am aware, I haven’t written any yandere character actually killing anyone, except with Warden Ingo one time. And it was an abusive ex who had stalked the Reader, and was threatening the Reader. The only other times I can think of would have been hypotheticals. Usually over people who would have hurt the reader, such as when there was the peeping tom incident. Stalking someone and peeping through windows is a choice. Not someone having a ‘bad day.’ However, in a lot of these scenarios, what little there are, the reader is unaware that anyone is being killed in the first place. Unaware their partner is a yandere. You also seemed to forget in the yandere warden Ingo series, the Reader actively tries to keep Ingo from murdering Volo. They don’t like him, but they don’t want him dead. So they appeal to Ingo’s sense of logic, claiming it could destroy the games code if he kills Volo. Even then, this is fiction. People requested this more than half the time. It is tagged, and in the cases where the Reader is into it, I have that tagged as well as the Reader enabling obsessive yandere behavior. Again, specific fiction that people are into, and specifically requested. And about the ‘how good that dick is’ comment. This is a blog where I write nsfw over pokemon characters. Of course dick is going to be a big factor, or did you forget what this blog is about? Third Paragraph. Not even sure how this is related AT ALL to the whole message, other than to try and make a dig at me, but fine, let’s address it. Yeah. In a dream, I pushed James from Silent Hill into a monster and ran. In a literal fever dream when I had been sick. “James did some shit, but really?” Yeah. He killed his sick wife. He killed her from being frustrated with not being able to have sex, and kept her body in the trunk of his car. Pyramid Head is literally his desire for punishment for these crimes. “What the fuck kind of good person does that?” I hate to be the barer of bad news, if you genuinely think that a person’s fever dream determines their status as a person, then you need to do some actual research on how dreams work. Not to mention how hypocritical this thinking is. You can give a pass to a guy who murdered his sick wife due to sexual frustration and anger, but you draw the line at a yandere character killing the Reader’s abusive ex? Okay. I see your priorities. Fourth paragraph. My Reader is selfish? How so? In at least half the things for Warden Ingo, it’s mentioned how the Reader desires to help him get his memories back, and make his brother aware like him. In another fic, with self aware Emmet, who ends up small, the Reader genuinely wants to help him reach his normal size. In another, the Reader desires to protect the Hero of Hisui, putting it over their desire for a relationship. They wish to protect the hero, and protect them as their own. Funny how you fail to bring these instances up. Is my Reader a flat character? Maybe. But again, this is a blog with primarily nsfw with the silly train men from pokemon. Fifth paragraph: “This is not hate. This is criticism.” No it’s not. You know damn well it’s hate. You insulted my writing, you insulted my reader inserts, and insulted me. “Your Reader has no empathy.” “Your Reader is selfish and has no redeeming qualities.” “What good person does that?” Those are not critiques. You call my writing bad, and say it has ‘all these problems’, but not once do you offer any advice for improvement. You just call it bad, and moved on. And again, insulted me over a dream. You don’t just get to insult me and my writing like this, then go “This isn’t hate, it’s a critique, tee hee!” That’s not how this works. Another thing. You acknowledge this is a fantasy land, and people here want to be adored. You acknowledge this is ‘fiction’. Yet you get so upset with the above points, when I’m specifically writing in a fictional set. You can’t have your cake and eat it. “It could be better.” Yeah! As a writer, I always aim to be better. But I don’t see you taking your ass off anon and writing your own shit, since you seem to have problems with mine so much. Only bitching about mine and then not offering any advice for improvement. And another thing. “It’s critique.” I never asked for critique. I do this shit for free. I write fanfiction as a hobby for free. I don’t have to share this. I do this because I enjoy sharing it with everyone here. I take time out of my day to share stuff I write, because other people do enjoy it, despite how bad of a writer you seem to think I am. It’s my blog, and I post what I want. It’s also considered rude to give unwanted ‘advice.’ Finally, the final paragraph: I didn’t answer your last entitled, manipulative, creepy message because I didn’t want to start drama, and I originally didn’t want to suck Ace Anon into whatever obsessive nonsense you were spewing. It was rude, entitled, narcissistic, manipulative, and weird. Just like this ask you sent.. “Hope you aren't gone again for months or something. You stressed her out really bad the last time.” Gee. Really feeling the concern for me, the one who disappeared. There are multiple reasons why I closed asks for a bit, primarily for my own mental health. Way to make it about you two. Funny. In the last ask, you mentioned how much you hate suicide baiting. What you are doing here isn’t too different. You just aren’t threatening a life over this. However, you are still trying to emotionally manipulate me, bringing up how Ace Anon is scared of upsetting me, and how stressed they were when I last disappeared. Lemme tell you something. Someone else’s stress isn’t my responsibility. If Ace Anon’s health and stress is heavily reliant on me, a stranger on the internet, someone who doesn’t even know Ace Anon’s name, that isn’t healthy. I understand being concerned for a creator to a degree, but if they are freaking out and getting stressed like this, especially over sending me these “problems” they have with my work, that is not my problem. If you two really are that easily affected by strangers on the internet, and get this upset over fanfiction written about silly train men from pokemon, neither of you should be on the internet. You two are not my responsibility, and I don’t have to cater to a rude anon with nothing better to do than send hateful asks. Harsh? Yes. But I’m not going to bend over backwards like this for someone like you. Neither you or Ace Anon are welcome back on this blog. Don’t message me again, and leave me alone.

[fairytail-whathesays]

laxus x bickslow hcs pleasee?

Yes, can do! Sorry it took so long to get to this one!

Laxus very much enjoys how off-the-wall and weird Bickslow is. It adds flavor to their little circle, and it offsets Freed's and Evergreen's overly-refined vibes. He likes Bickslow, weirdness and immaturity and all.

Likewise, Bickslow adores Laxus and genuinely thinks he's the coolest thing ever--while also respecting him almost the way one would a big brother. He's always felt more accepted around Laxus and by extension in Fairy Tail than anywhere else.

Having said that, Bickslow would throw it back on Laxus without hesitation if he ever gave the order. Like, it's the epitome of "we're just friends but I'd f/ck you if you asked". It is absolutely not a secret, because should anyone ask, he's completely open about how he'd plug that in, so to speak. He doesn't care because Laxus is popular and it's not exactly an uncommon reaction to him.

Bickslow has a surprisingly diverse music taste. Rap, RnB, electro, house, pop. Laxus very much enjoys sharing his music with Bickslow and seeing what makes him tick.

Dating Bickslow is the equivalent of eating a scorpion pop in front of someone, for Laxus. Bickslow is off-putting and creepy and he's that way on purpose, so many people treat him as unsettling and undesirable. They'll just be thinking "wow, he's so creepy, I can't believe that Laxus guy hangs out with him..." when Laxus walks up, says "hey babe" and kisses him on the mouth.

"Babe" and "bro" are interchangeable, but only at first when the relationship is new. Bickslow loves being called "babe", it powers him up, and if "bro" ever gets used to address him, Laxus is usually annoyed about something he did.

Bickslow is over 6 feet tall and should not be climbing on anyone, but Laxus is also over 6 feet tall and has an extremely climb-able body. Bix loves draping himself over Laxus' broad-ass shoulders and, if he's ever tired or wants to be carried, can sometimes convince Laxus to piggyback him. It's fucking immature as hell but he likes it a lot.

Bickslow also loves to dance. This one, Laxus isn't so keen on, but he can learn a few step rhythms or waltz if his man really wants him to.

Laxus one day starts referring to the dolls Bickslow keeps around (Pappa, Pippi, Puppu, Peppe and Poppo) as "our kids". It's mostly to fuck with Bickslow, who loves to tease and prod Laxus every day but gets absolutely floored when Laxus says stuff like this in public.

Bickslow can be playfully possessive, but he does have his insecurities and does need occasional reassurances that Laxus won't leave him for someone more conventionally attractive. Laxus rises to the occasion every time.

NS/FW, because yeah. It's mostly about our weird guy Bix:

Look man, Bickslow's tongue is long and there is a lot of it. Kissing is a lot different with him than it is with other people, it pretty much overflows his mouth and you gotta get used to it, or learn to enjoy it.

Bickslow is h*rny, guys. Like, not so much it interferes with his daily life, but he is always dtf, and the prospect of sex with a guy like Laxus is intensely appealing to him, so he makes sure to pursue it often.

Bickslow is very, very flexible and this comes in handy.

Bickslow is a master at oral sex, not just because of his tongue, but because he can deep/throat. Easily. And big d/cks don't scare him, either. And while he's an absolute champ at blowjobs, where he really shines is r/mjobs. This man's tongue is so long, so wide, so flexible--the way it feels when he's eating the peach is maddeningly good.

Consequently, Bickslow can top pretty much any time he wants, so long as he prefaces the act with a good chow down on Laxus' rear first. Even the mighty Thunder God is not immune to good oral work, and Laxus when sufficiently spoiled with that tongue lets Bickslow have pretty much anything he wants. The only reason he still bottoms most of the time is because that's what he likes.

Bickslow loves how big Laxus' d/ck is, and unlike other potential lovers, is not the least bit intimidated by it. He's always ready to ride. Laxus being the service top he is, he's very pliable and wants Bickslow to feel good, so their sex life tends get very k/nky on occasion.

By far Bickslow's favorite position, however, is the suspended congress. He gets to climb his man--long limbs wrapped around Laxus' shoulders and waist, Laxus carrying him and bouncing him on that d/ck that's barreling in and out of him, and he gets to make out with his man inbetween moans and/or screams.

But if he was bad that day, Laxus might drag him somewhere and bend him over, give it to him rough. Bickslow loves it either way, but it does send the message to not push his boyfriend's patience.

and now for a special one:

Bickslow has dealt with the presence of his Figure Eyes and having to cover them ever since the Incident™️ that first caused them to manifest remarkably well, simply accepting it as a fact of his life. However, he does wish to be able to go maskless on occasion, and for him, the most pure sign of trust and intimacy is looking into his eyes. Laxus will occasionally remove the visor when they're in private and make eye contact, giving Bickslow power over him but trusting him not to misuse it.

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

A formerly well-connected GOP donor convicted of giving teenage girls gifts, alcohol and money in exchange for sex was sentenced Wednesday to 21 years in prison on sex trafficking charges.

Anton “Tony” Lazzaro was found guilty in March by a federal jury of seven counts involving “commercial sex acts” with five girls ages 15 and 16 in 2020, when Lazzaro was 30. The charges carried mandatory minimum sentences of 10 years with a maximum of life in prison.

Prosecutors had requested a 30-year sentence for Lazzaro. They likened Lazzaro to financier Jeffrey Epstein, who was arrested in 2019 on federal charges accusing him of paying underage girls for massages and then abusing them at his homes in Florida and New York. The defense asked for no more than 10 years.

“He’s a sex trafficker,” prosecutor Laura Provinzino said. “One who has shown absolutely no remorse. He has accepted no responsibility for his crimes.”

U.S. District Judge Patrick Schiltz came down in the middle and had harsh words for Lazzaro.

He said Lazzaro showed sympathy to only two people during the trial — “to himself and Jeffrey Epstein.” And the judge said he was struck by the “soulless, almost mechanical nature” of how Lazzaro exploited the girls.

“It’s almost as if Mr. Lazzaro set up a sex trafficking assembly line,” Schiltz said.

One of the victims called Lazzaro a child predator in court Wednesday and said she continues to be impacted by his actions.

“I still see him in my nightmares, in my panic attacks, in men in their thirties. … Putting Tony behind bars will save so many girls,” she said.

The mother of a different victim addressed Lazzaro directly.

“The damage you caused my daughter, mentally and emotionally, you didn’t just cause that damage to her. You caused it to me and my family and all these victims and all of their families,” she said. “You stand up here and you don’t even care. You’re justifying your actions. … I hope you rot in hell.”

The Associated Press does not typically name victims of sex crimes.

Lazzaro, who has said the charges against him were politically motivated, maintained his innocence, denying that he paid any of the girls explicitly for sex.

“I take a lot of offense to the government and court’s notion that I perjured myself in this trial. ... Grooming behavior is the word you used,” he said. “If that’s the case, then I suppose anyone who gives someone a gift, whether it be a cheap gift or a million dollars, is grooming their companion for sex. OK? If that’s the standard that we’re going to apply, then I don’t know how there’s any standard to apply.”

Defense attorney Daniel Gerdts said afterward that they were “looking forward to the appeal.”

Lazzaro’s indictment in 2021 touched off a political firestorm that led to the downfall of Jennifer Carnahan as Chair of the Republican Party of Minnesota.

His co-defendant, Gisela Castro Medina, who was 19 at the time, formerly led the College Republicans chapter at the University of St. Thomas. She pleaded guilty to two counts last year. She testified against Lazzaro and faces sentencing in September.

Prosecutors argued during his trial that Lazzaro enlisted Castro Medina, who he initially paid for sex, to recruit other teenagers — preferably minors — who were white, small, vulnerable or “broken.” He often sent cars to take the girls to his luxury penthouse condo at the Hotel Ivy in downtown Minneapolis, they said.

Gerdts had argued that the government’s “salacious” prosecution was based on “completely unfounded” allegations. Lazzaro has denied paying for sex, saying the government targeted him for political reasons and because of his wealth.

Carnahan, the widow of U.S. Rep. Jim Hagedorn, of Minnesota, resigned a week after the charges against Lazzaro were unsealed. She denied knowing of any wrongdoing by Lazzaro beforehand and condemned his alleged crimes. But his arrest fueled outrage among party activists. Allegations surfaced that Carnahan created a toxic work environment and abused nondisclosure agreements to silence her critics.

Carnahan and Lazzaro became friends when she ran unsuccessfully for a legislative seat in 2016. He backed her bid to become party chair in 2017 and attended her 2018 wedding to Hagedorn. They hosted a podcast together for a few months.

Lazzaro also helped run the campaign of Republican Lacy Johnson, who failed to unseat Democratic U.S. Rep. Ilhan Omar, of Minnesota, in 2020.

Pictures on Lazzaro’s social media accounts showed him with prominent Republicans, including former President Donald Trump and former Vice President Mike Pence. He gave more than $270,000 to Republican campaigns and political committees over the years.

Several recipients quickly donated those contributions to charity after the charges became public, including U.S. Rep. Tom Emmer, of Minnesota, who received $15,600 but suffered no repercussions. Emmer became majority whip in January.

The sources of Lazzaro’s wealth have been murky. Defense filings have called him “an up-and-coming real estate owner and entrepreneur.” Items seized from him included a 2010 Ferrari and more than $371,000 in cash. The government put his net worth in a bond report at more than $2 million but said its calculations didn’t include his “extensive” but hard-to-trace cryptocurrency holdings. It noted that the search yielded multiple types of foreign currency, plus precious metals worth more than $500,000.

[crazykuroneko]

Tbh I think a lot casual viewers / non book fans are probably going to not continue the show after s2 unless it diverges quite drastically on louis's storyline? iwtv is very bleak and I genuinely think they underestimated how much show viewers ended up hating lestat after s1 (and they may end up in a similar situation with armand in s2) and then you're asking the audience to watch an entire season of this guy's whole backstory. plus you're killing off one of the two likable characters by the end of s2 and shifting louis into more a side character.

a big red flag to me was the lady who hosts the podcast who doesn't have a book background saying a lot of the same stuff as show-only people. like she clearly does not like lestat or loustat at all lmao and its literally her job to promote the show.

First, I want to address the "shifting louis into more a side character" because no I don't agree with that. Contrary to fans believe, Hollywood-standard wise (from the number of episodes they are in, how integral their characters are to the story), both Jacob and Sam have been considered as lead actors/cast of IWTV. You can see industry news outlets calling them both as such. But because IWTV is about Louis' past specifically and AMC knew IWTV still has some hope in Emmys even though it's small, they put them in different categories to not split the votes between them (they even only submit one actor in each category for it). So, look at what we have now, Louis is the narrator yet we still get Lestat in all episodes, and he's leading the NOLA narrative forward together with Louis despite not existing in the Dubai narrative. I bet we'll still get Lestat in most, if not all episodes, in S2, because Rolin has said many many times, the show is about both of them. And I expect they'll do the same in TVL season(s); Lestat is telling the story while Louis is leading whatever will be going on in the modern time. (No, i don't believe they'll make Louis stuck on a couch the whole season to listen to Lestat's story even though it sounds tasty. He'd definitely have a way to know what Lestat's saying, but I don't see anything good writing-wise from sticking your well-developed character in one place for such a long time)

About whether the audience will be willing to listen to Lestat's past, I'll see how S2 goes first before judging that. A lot of people don't like him, but there are a lot of them who are like, "I will miss him if he dies, he's an interesting character".

And IWTV is a niche show, its genre is gothic horror/romance. Who the hell is doing gothic romance for a series in this decade? (Hannibal doesn't count, it's not gothic and still about will/won't they). Like, what AMC is doing with IWTV now is extremely daring. And with a niche show, it's always the same: you can't please everyone. There will always be part of the general audience who will leave because either it's simply not their cup of tea or they can't stomach it. Especially now when there's this purity sentiment going so strongly in general (apparently now we shouldn't ship fictional characters, every sex scene has to have a grand purpose, and you shouldn't watch any portrayal of abuse even though it's produced by the victim herself). God forbid IWTV would ever want to please those people yikes. So, IWTV won't ever get as "mainstream" as what, Succession, Ted Lasso, Better Call Saul. But IWTV would still appeal to people who appreciate good writing, people who are "idc how bad the characters are as long as they're exciting!", and people who really love horror (not that "comfort horror" BS) - there's this review of IWTV from an horror website who is like "I wish they gave us more gore and horror of vampires", oh these people would love S2.

So, tl;dr you could say it's a natural selection (hell yes Darwinism), it's inevitable. I'd rather have that audience leave than stay and ruin fans' experience by whining about the plot that won't ever satisfy them. And I'd always applaud writers who don't give a shit to what people say and stick to what they're meant to do. They slay!

EDIT: ah I forgot about this. but don't underestimate the number of old fans who will probably check the show again when the TVL season(s) come. Because no matter how big their hatred for AMC is, it will be the first time ever for TVL to be adapted on screen. First time in 38 years (yes no one considers QotD movie ever existed). That's too big a temptation!

[alwida10]

Sexism is sexism.

Misogyny, Misandry - makes no difference. The degree is irrelevant. Definitions blurred (especially with genderfluid characters). If I have to pay for strong female representation on-screen with the bashing of genderfluid people or men, I’d rather not watch at all.

TW for Loki show negativity

I have now seen people claim frequently that „if you didn’t enjoy the Loki series it might be due to (internalized or subconscious) misogyny.”

You see, if you get discriminated against for a long time, ‘equality’ and ‘getting revenge’ suddenly can get hard to separate. And since Loki might be a little bit too close for many of us to stay objective I would like to tell you about the He-man reboot, that just came out. Well, a series about a guy called ‘He-Man’ sounds as it should be about a Man, right? But instead the production crew decided to kill the titular character and make the show about his female side kick, enraging the fans who thought they’d get content about he-man. Similarly, some people praise the approach as progressive. Being completely uninvolved in that franchise I must say that it reminds me of the Loki show, especially the false advertising in the name of feminism, which might be in truth rather be (possibly subconscious) misandry/genderfluidphobia.

The question if it’s rather misandry or genderfluidphobia/enbyphobia depends if you see Loki as a cis man or genderfluid. I see him as genderfluid, but the show painted him mostly as male-presenting and I could hardly find any indication of him being genderfluid beside that line of text in the opening sequence, so I assume most casual viewers will perceive him as a cis man. That’s why I decided on using “misandry”, but it’s just as much genderfluidphobia.

Until today, the film industry is dominated by men, which shows in the gender ratio before and behind the camera as well as wage gaps and many more points that stand in the way of equality. And make no mistakes, these points still need to be addressed!

But we must not forget that men are people, too! They can also be targeted by sexism, discriminated and even assaulted because of their gender. Sometimes this even happens under the pretense of „equality“, as if a new wrong could make an old wrong right.

Movies are a powerful tool for discrimination since subtle messages get absorbed and influence the audience subconsciously. In fact, the influence of those sexist narratives is higher when we don’t notice them, and the methods are many. Here is a short selection of frequently used methods.

1. Women are reduced to sex objects. Additionally, sexual assault is not be recognized by the narrative and never addressed outside of its immediate plot purpose. This adds to the normalization of assault on women. It is shockingly prevalent in older movies.

2. A lack of agency and powers: Kunsey (2018) compared the 5 highest-grossing films with male & female directors. He found that female directors told stories focused on women, and vice versa. Also, while historically women on screen were often sexualized, some female directors focus on romance from a woman’s perspective.

Additionally, he found women lacked both agency and superpowers in comparison to the male characters when the movies were directed by men. Female directors ensured women had more impact on the plot and even subverted classical male story types.

3. Flat, stereotypic characterization that shows women as incompetent: As this gets more and more called out, it’s not as obvious in recent movies. But historically the pretty, yet utterly brainless women who served only to highlight the man’s skills and appeal, were widespread. Some examples are Mary Goodnight from “The Man With The Golden Gun” (1974) or Kissy Suzuki from “You Only Live Twice” (1967).

4. Other tropes, such as the “damsel in distress”, are still to be found nowadays. This would include women who can have a three-dimensional characterization, even including some strengths, but still need to be rescued so the male hero can shine.

From one perspective it is great that the Loki series was directed by a woman. Not only is it a step toward balanced gender ratios behind the camera, but also female directors enable other women to join the casts and can impact our society by presenting stories of women.

However, the Loki series made extensive use of methods used in the past to discriminate against women, applied to men. In comparison to his female counterpart, Loki has little agency, is sexualized, the assault on him is normalized, and he is a stereotypical damsel in distress. Right in the first episode, Loki is stripped of his clothes, paving the way for excessive sexualization (point 1) by the audience. Similar to movies that downplayed the sexual assault of women, this scene never gets addressed again. The assault is not painted as unjust. In fact, the head writer referred to it as the “hottest Loki content ever seen” after it appeared first in a trailer. It’s supposed to equal bikini-spotting Bond girls, even though it’s clearly non-consensual in-universe.

Just like women, men can be victims of sexual assault. However, unlike women, men are not as easily believed when they speak out about being sexually assaulted. The shame of admitting being a victim paired with the poor chances for justice discourages men from filing charges, leading to a high number of unknown cases. I can only speculate if the wide spread denial of sexual assaults on men facilitates that so many people see the scene as “hot”. In-universe, the assault is not sexually motivated, but that makes the fact that the showrunners use an assault for sexualization is not less disturbing.

One scene of this sort could have been but an unfortunate accident that would not indicate an overarching theme. Sadly, it isn’t the only scene of this sort. In episode 4, Sif repeatedly kicks Loki in his groin. Loki repeatedly going down, wincing in pain, is supposed to be funny.

Neither the soundtrack nor the framing indicates an assault. Sif’s actions are justified by the show with the note that he cut her hair of. Natalie Holt’s additional information on preceding intercourse serve the same purpose: The attacker is justified. The victim deserved it.

Next: A lack of agency. From the first moments of the show Loki is either prisoner of the TVA or threatened by the environment, leaving him almost no agency, resulting in him having almost no impact on the plot. His discovery of Sylvie’s hiding places comes too late to avert her attack on the TVA. Since Sylvie can’t use magic in the TVA, her initial plan would have likely led to her capture. Loki’s attack and use of the TemPad led them to Lamentis, but in the end, both end up where they would have been without his interference, anyway: being prisoners of the TVA.

Even in the void at the end of all times, Loki fails to stir the plot. It is Mobius’ words that inspire Classic Loki to help them.

Loki subscribes to Sylvie’s goal of enchanting Alioth. Only in the finale does he oppose her – and gets promptly removed from the scene so he still does not influence the plot.

But the lack of agency isn’t all. While Loki shows a lot of powers during the series (illusions such as fireworks, drying his clothes, telekinesis, conjuring, arguably teleportation) they lack the power to chance anything. It’s Sylvie’s enchantment which is the key to breaking the TVA’s mind control of the variants. His part in this job is reduced to delaying her information that all employees of the TVA are variants to Mobius who takes it to Hunter B15.

Also, take a look how Sylvie and Loki are shown in the battle against Alioth.

Yet Loki’s lack of power doesn’t stop with the supernatural. In Avengers 1, Loki holds up well against Captain America who is physically enhanced by the serum. In the show, he is overpowered by normal humans, such as Hunter B15 and struggles to hold up against the time keeper’s guards.

Let’s proceed to point 3 - characterized as imcompetent: Similar to the women mentioned in the beginning, Loki is frequently depicted as unreflecting, foolish and shallow. Threatened with the disintegration of his clothes he argues for “fine Asgardian leather”. Everyone should be aware that this bears no meaning for a robot. Additionally, it depicts his priorities as short-sighted. Later on, Loki fails to notice the importance of a time travel device during an ongoing apocalypse that leads promptly to the destruction of the device. His plans generally don’t work. Neither does the disguise as a train guard nor the persuasion of the old woman on Lamentis 1. His plot to stall the minutemen in episode 2 is immediately uncovered by Mobius (who, btw, is shown similarly inconsequential and inferior to his female counterpart Ravona Renslayer. Again, this hints that the series might generally be biased against men).

Loki’s lack of intelligence paves the way for the sexist trophy ‘damsel in distress’. Loki must be saved at several points of the series: The trial (ep.1), in the train (ep.3) when he fails to lay low and summons the wrong illusion, from Lamentis and from Alioth (ep.5).

As mentioned at the beginning, it happens again and again that people label primitive acts of retaliation against men for former discrimination against women as “feminism”. Often those acts of retaliation aim at individuals who did not commit discrimination against women.

Those acts cast a poor light on feminism and only add to the injustice. Far too often people confuse the desire for justice with the desire to be the one holding the whip. As a true feminist, this actions need to be judged as hard as sexism against women! Only that can be called equality.

A positive example of feminism was Black Panter. Not only was this the only male-directed movie from Kunsey’s analysis that could compete with the female-directed movies in terms of women behind the camera, strong female characters, female agency, and the Bechdel test but also it showed that the male protagonist could both be the butt of some jokes (“[He froze] like an antelope in headlights!”) and also get recognition with badass action scenes. Of course, men can also be ridiculed and display foolishness. But jokes on the expanse of characters have to be balanced and done with the care to keep it tasteful. As soon the portrayal goes too far into one direction there might be a bias in the production team. This is especially important if more than one representative of a social group gets targeted!

And of course both the stories of women and men need to be told. To achieve this the ratio of women amongst the directors needs to increase. There is no way arguing that. And even though I cannot bring myself to like Sylvie, Kate Harron put a lot of effort into telling her story. Both the plot and the framing aim to make her the center of the plot and urge the audience to connect with her. She inspired many fans with this depiction of a strong female character. People praise the Loki show as progressive because of it.

But why did she had to pair this with the bashing of a man/genderfluid person? Can’t a woman not be strong without degrading another person? For me – a woman – such a portrayal is weakened if it is on someone’s expense. In fact, I realized one of the main points that sours her characterization for me is that harsh contrast between her and our Loki. She is competent where he is lacking, her pain validated where his is dismissed, her goal gets achieved while he fails.

Black Panther proved that a director and his team can produce an awesome story that provides decent representation for black people! But as Kunsey pointed out it did generally a wonderful job with representation, including those of women! They made an effort for equally behind the scenes. Okoye’s and Nakia’s characterizations show objective strength; they do not depend on bashing of males. In contrast, the Loki show proves female directors might not be the best choice when it comes to telling the story of a man or - as in this case - a predominantly male-presenting genderfluid person. Kate Herron was granted a rare opportunity that called for consideration.

The Loki show is named after the character Tom Hiddleston plays ever since Thor 1 (2011). Making his show about a female variant of Loki is fraudulent labeling. Using trailers where Sylvie is digitally removed is false advertising.

Perhaps Herron’s actions won’t cast poor light on other female directors. But it is undeniable that Loki has an enormous fandom and the show was watched by millions of people. Kate’s normalization of assaults against men might still contribute to abuse and aggression.

With great power comes great responsibility!

If you are given a chance like Herron was, you have the responsibility to use it wisely. And that excludes bashing of others because of their genders.

Our aim has to be equality and respect.

[samwisethewitch]

Cults? In my life? It’s more likely than you think.

In my last post, I talked about how the Law of Attraction and Christian prosperity gospel both use the same thought control techniques as cults. I’ve received several public and private replies to that post: some expressing contempt for “sheeple” who can be lead astray by cults, and others who say my post made them scared that they might be part of a cult without knowing it.

I want to address both of those types of replies in this post. I want to talk about what a cult really looks like, and how you can know if you’re dealing with one.

If you type the word “cult” into Google Images, it will bring up lots of photos of people with long hair, wearing all white, with their hands raised in an expression of ecstasy.

Most modern cults do not look anything like this.

Modern cultists look a lot like everyone else. One of the primary goals of most cults is recruitment, and it’s hard to get people to join your cause if they think you and your group are all Kool-Aid-drinking weirdos. The cults that last are the ones that manage to convince people that they’re just like everyone else — a little weird maybe, but certainly not dangerous.

In the book The Road to Jonestown: Jim Jones and Peoples Temple, author Jeff Guinn says, “In years to come, Jim Jones would frequently be compared to murderous demagogues such as Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson. These comparisons completely misinterpret, and historically misrepresent, the initial appeal of Jim Jones to members of Peoples Temple. Jones attracted followers by appealing to their better instincts.”

You might not know Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple by name, but you’ve probably heard their story. They’re the Kool-Aid drinkers I mentioned earlier. Jones and over 900 of his followers, including children, committed mass suicide by drinking Flavor Aid mixed with cyanide.

In a way, the cartoonish image of cults in popular media has helped real-life cults to stay under the radar and slip through people’s defenses.

In her book Recovering Agency: Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control, Luna Lindsey says: “These groups use a legion of persuasive techniques in unison, techniques that strip away the personality to build up a new group pseudopersonality. New members know very little about the group’s purpose, and most expectations remain unrevealed. People become deeply involved, sacrificing vast amounts of time and money, and investing emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and socially.”

Let’s address some more common myths about cults:

Myth #1: All cults are Satanic or occult in nature. This mostly comes from conservative Christians, who may believe that all non-Christian religions are inherently cultish in nature and are in league with the Devil. This is not the case — most non-Christians don’t even believe in the Devil, much less want to sign away their souls to him. Many cults use Christian theology to recruit members, and some of these groups (Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, etc.) have become popular enough to be recognized as legitimate religions. Most cults have nothing to do with magic or the occult.

Myth #2: All cults are religious. This is also false. While some cults do use religion to recruit members or push an agenda, many cults have no religious or spiritual element. Political cults are those founded around a specific political ideology. Author and cult researcher Janja Lalich is a former member of an American political cult founded on the principles of Marxism. There are also “cults of personality” built around political figures and celebrities, such as Adolf Hitler, Chairman Mao, and Donald Trump. In these cases, the cult is built around hero worship of the leader — it doesn’t really matter what the leader believes or does.

Myth #3: All cults are small fringe groups. Cults can be any size. Some cults have only a handful of members — it’s even possible for parents to use thought control techniques on their children, essentially creating a cult that consists of a single family.  There are some cults that have millions of members (see previous note about Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses).

Myth #4: All cults live on isolated compounds away from mainstream society. While it is true that all cults isolate their members from the outside world, very few modern cults use physical isolation. Many cults employ social isolation, which makes members feel separate from mainstream society. Some cults do this by encouraging their followers to be “In the world but not of the world,” or encouraging them to keep themselves “pure.”

Myth #5: Only stupid, gullible, and/or mentally ill people join cults. Actually, according to Luna Lindsey, the average cult member is of above-average intelligence. As cult expert Steven Hassan points out, “Cults intentionally recruit ‘valuable’ people—they go after those who are intelligent, caring, and motivated. Most cults do not want to be burdened by unintelligent people with serious emotional or physical problems.” The idea that only stupid or gullible people fall for thought control is very dangerous, because it reinforces the idea that “it could never happen to me.” This actually prevents intelligent people from thinking critically about the information they’re consuming and the groups they’re associating with, which makes them easier targets for cult recruitment.

So, now that we have a better idea of what a cult actually looks like, how do you know if you or someone you know is in one?

A good rule of thumb is to compare the group’s actions and teachings to Steven Hassan’s BITE Model. Steven Hassan is an expert on cult psychology, and most cult researchers stand by this model. From Hassan’s website, freedomofmind.com: “Based on research and theory by Robert Jay Lifton, Margaret Singer, Edgar Schein, Louis Jolyon West, and others who studied brainwashing in Maoist China as well as cognitive dissonance theory by Leon Festinger, Steven Hassan developed the BITE Model to describe the specific methods that cults use to recruit and maintain control over people. ‘BITE’ stands for Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional control.”

Behavior Control may include…

Telling you how to behave, and enforcing behavior with rewards and punishments. (Rewards may be nonphysical concepts like “salvation” or “enlightenment,” or social rewards like group acceptance or an elevated status within the group. Punishments may also be nonphysical, like “damnation,” or may be social punishments like judgement from peers or removal from the group.)

Dictating where and with whom you live. (This includes pressure to move closer to other group members, even if you will be living separately.)

Controlling or restricting your sexuality. (Includes enforcing chastity or abstinence and/or coercion into non-consensual sex acts.)

Controlling your clothing or hairstyle. (Even if no one explicitly tells you, you may feel subtle pressure to look like the rest of the group.)

Restricting leisure time and activities. (This includes both demanding participation in frequent group activities and telling you how you should spend your free time.)

Requiring you to seek permission for major decisions. (Again, even if you don’t “need” permission, you may feel pressure to make decisions that will be accepted by the group.)

And more.

Information Control may include…

Withholding or distorting information. (This may manifest as levels of initiation, with only the “inner circle” or upper initiates being taught certain information.)

Forbidding members from speaking with ex-members or other critics.

Discouraging members from trusting any source of information that isn’t approved by the group’s leadership.

Forbidding members from sharing certain details of the group’s beliefs or practice with outsiders.

Using propaganda. (This includes “feel good” media that exists only to enforce the group’s message.)

Using information gained in confession or private conversation against you.

Gaslighting to make members doubt their own memory. (“I never said that,” “You’re remembering that wrong,” “You’re confused,” etc.)

Requiring you to report your thoughts, feelings, and activities to group leaders or superiors.

Encouraging you to spy on other group members and report their “misconduct.”

And more.

Thought Control may include…

Black and White, Us vs. Them, or Good vs. Evil thinking.

Requiring you to change part of your identity or take on a new name. (This includes only using last names, as well as titles like “Brother,” “Sister,” and “Elder.”)

Using loaded languages and cliches to stop complex thought. (This is the difference between calling someone a “former member” and calling the same person an “apostate” or “covenant breaker.”)

Inducing hypnotic or trance states including prayer, meditation, singing hymns, etc.

Using thought-stopping techniques to prevent critical thinking. (“If you ever find yourself doubting, say a prayer to distract yourself!”)

Allowing only positive thoughts or speech.

Rejecting rational analysis and criticism both from members and from those outside the group.

And more.

Emotional Control may include…

Inducing irrational fears and phobias, especially in connection with leaving the group. (This includes fear of damnation, fear of losing personal value, fear of persecution, etc.)

Labeling some emotions as evil, worldly, sinful, low-vibrational, or wrong.

Teaching techniques to keep yourself from feeling certain emotions like anger or sadness.

Promoting feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness. (This is often done by holding group members to impossible standards, such as being spiritually “pure” or being 100% happy all the time.)

Showering members and new recruits with positive attention — this is called “love bombing.” (This can be anything from expensive gifts to sexual favors to simply being really nice to newcomers.)

Shunning members who disobey orders or disbelieve the group’s teachings.

Teaching members that there is no happiness, peace, comfort, etc. outside of the group.

And more.

If a group ticks most or all of the boxes in any one of these categories, you need to do some serious thinking about whether or not that group is good for your mental health. If a group is doing all four of these, you’re definitely dealing with a cult and need to get out as soon as possible.

These techniques can also be used by individual people in one-on-one relationships. A relationship or friendship where someone tries to control your behavior, thoughts, or emotions is not healthy and, again, you need to get out as soon as possible.

Obviously, not all of these things are inherently bad. Meditation and prayer can be helpful on their own, and being nice to new people is common courtesy. The problem is when these acts become part of a bigger pattern, which enforces someone else’s control over your life.

A group that tries to tell you how to think or who to be is bad for your mental health, your personal relationships, and your sense of self. When in doubt, do what you think is best for you — and always be suspicious of people or groups who refuse to be criticized.

[irenedubrovna]

A post regarding Euphoria for the benefit of myself and basically no one else

So, it really bothers me when people say Euphoria is groundbreaking, progressive media. Here’s a dissection of why I don’t think it is, because this is what I feel like doing at work:

The character of Rue is objectively great. She by far receives the least overt sexualization, and is treated neutrally in terms of active sexuality. She’s treated like a normal teenage girl with mental issues and an addiction to drugs. She falls in love with a girl who she pines for and places on a pedestal. The reason I think she is written this way is because she is a Sam Levinson proxy. She written with gender ambiguity and with little regard to the experiences she’d go through as a black gay female, probably because Sam Levinson has no insight to that aspect of life. Her performance is heightened of course by Zendaya, who breathes unique life to the Sam Levinson’s artistic extension, and without her performance this show would not get even half the acclaim it gets. Attribute that to Zendaya of course, because the director has done little to deserve this acclaim.

The rest of the females, sans Lexi, are pornified to a disgusting extent, not only due to the fact that they are supposed to be underage, but also because their existence as people is treated as being absolutely secondary to their sexual appeal. They are foremost presented in terms of their relation to sex. Cassie, Maddy, Jules, and Kat cannot be removed from their sexuality without disrupting the plot or their journeys in relation to the plot. Why are the females so intrinsically linked to uber fetishized versions of female sexuality, or uber fetishized versions of blossoming female sexual identity?

Maddy is presented not only scantily clad 90 percent of the time, but also dressed in a precariously unattainable sexual fashion. At any given time she is styled to look straight out of, simultaneously, a high fashion editorial, and a “barely legal” porno. She is airheaded and profane, and promiscuous, her mannerisms dictated by the adult films she’s “studied” in order to project an image of perfect hyper sexual femininity. She’s complacent in becoming a prototypical housewife because it will earn her a comfortable place as a trophy wife. She has no aspirations beyond that. So, let’s unpack all of that. Maddy’s role in the show is mostly passive. The most active thing she does in the plot is revenge fuck a man in the pool of a party. Nearly everything else she does in the show that is plot relevant is of someone else’s volition. Even less of what she in the show is related to anything other than a man. She is abused and then pressured into framing another man for said abuse. She has no agency as a character. The only notable difference to this rule is when she takes drugs at a carnival, knocks a pot of chili over, and calls her ex’s mom a cunt. Removed from her active sexual life and carefully cultivated aesthetic, she’s a trite stereotype of an unambitious girlfriend who gets treated poorly. I see people call Maddy iconic, but if she wasn’t gorgeous and well dressed, I doubt anyone would even think twice about her, let alone create fancams and Instagram pages dedicated to her. She exists as a plot device, and as pretty set dressing to build up the shows aesthetic. Her emotions are not well explored, her motivations are sexist, and she is often there to be demeaned, objectified, or to say a bad word. The most damning part of her involvement in this show is her episode where it is stated that she, as a fourteen year old girl, lost her virginity to an adult man, and it is stated she was in control of the situation. This is a dangerous thing to say about a character, to any audience, but especially a young one. To imply that a precocious young girl was in control during her first sexual encounter with a much much older man implies things that frankly border on rape apologist ideology. This show states this unflinchingly and with no further elaboration. If there’s one thing that tells you that Euphoria is a bad show, let it be that. Also, if there’s one thing that tells you about Sam Levinson as a person, and the way he views girls and women, let it fucking be that.

Jules is a young trans girl. She also likes to have sex with men as a means to “conquer femininity”. Scratch that, she likes to have degrading sex with older men in order to “conquer femininity”. This mindset is shown to be toxic, of course, but I think the problem with this idea in general is that there’s no deeper exploration for what this mindset means. It implies that she believes women are the sum of their intrigue and degradations. This mindset I can only assume would be a cultivation of dysphoria and internalized misogyny, which this series is absolutely not prepared to address in a tactful manner. Jules is a teenager with mental illness, trauma, and is undergoing an identity crisis. There’s something powerful in her character, something worth saying, however we only get trimmings of those meaningful things, and are ultimately left with a hurtful depiction of a trans girl because all of her musings on womanhood and identity are incomplete, and they fail to reach beyond the surface of their thesis statement. She wears colorful clothing, is overtly feminine and artistic in her presentation. Everything about her screams insecurity over her own womanhood. That is the crux of her character. Now, I think we should ask ourselves, is trans person who is insecure about their identity peak representation? Is this what trans people deserve? Is it “groundbreaking “? If this show was run by someone else, I might be inclined to say that there’s nothing insidious about this, but this is the guy that made Assassination Nation, so I think we know what he thinks of young women, the way they should be portrayed (that is, for the capitulation of a man) and realize his inclusion of a trans woman in his cast is no more meaningful than the inclusion of any other woman. Women to him are made to be categorized and should, at the end of the day, be easily palatable for the capitulation of a man. The device of having Jules being interested in older men and rough sex for identity reasons is transparent. Trans women are exploited and objectified with a similar fervor to cis women, the caveat being that they are “a forbidden fruit” of sorts to straight men. Jules is sissified, her presentation fetishistic. Her role in the plot is more involved. Her relationship with Rue is sweet, though toxic on both sides. She is ultimately betrayed, blackmailed, and snowballs into something of a manic episode, all well portrayed by Hunter Schafer, but I don’t think her inclusion in the show absolves it of any of its many sins.

Let’s talk about Cassie. Cassie is the Eurocentric beauty standard exemplified. She is the blonde haired blue eyed girl next store, and her boobs are of course always on display. She is notably promiscuous, something I say right off the bat because that’s how she’s introduced, as a so called slut through the words of the devil (Nate Jacobs). She is a girl with daddy issues, which we are all familiar with at this point. Her sexual boundaries begin and end at the whim of her partner. The terms of her consent are much like the terms of consent of many young girls brainwashed by society and the rising tide of degradation porn: everything is alright as long as you provide them comfort and affirmation afterward. You can touch them roughly without asking, you can use them as a tool to affirm your masculinity. This is the way men prefer their women now: just broken enough to say yes to anything they want. It’s become a joke at this point. Men like girls with issues, but only the ones that will feed their own desires. Cassie Howard is meek. Her inclusion in the plot I suppose ties to themes of drug addiction and how it divides and destroys the people you love. It doesn’t show what it does to her beyond shaping her sexual encounters, which is no surprise. Overall I’d say Cassie is in this roster of females as the most traditional categorically, in relation to how men view women and further how they sexualize them. She has a relationship with someone who doesn’t really love her. That mostly what she does here. Gets used. Doesn’t drive the plot or conflict much. More pretty set dressing. More aesthetics. How this show consists of so many women but is driven so much by men is unsurprising, and, again, very enlightening in the grand scheme of things.

Lastly we touch on Kat. I’d like to begin with the fact that self actualization through sexual exploration, in a show run by a man, is just a cloak for a woman to gratify the audience with her sexuality. Regardless of whether or not she is plus sized, this is overt objectification. She is on this show to be sexy. Beyond that, the fact that a minor using sex work as a form of liberation is disgusting. Whether or not she is portrayed as “owning” her sexuality is negligible, and speaks to the same mindset discussed with Maddy. Minors cannot fucking consent to sex, sexual acts, or anything within the confines of such. It’s crazy that this occurs with two different characters in such a similar way. It has echoes of “Well, she looked older..” and “Well, she wanted it..” or “She’s advanced for her age”. Never, not once in the events of the series is there meaningful introspection on what doing this kind of thing does to a minor. Moreover, these acts are explicit, and made clearly for sexual gratification. None of these things are absolved by the fact that she’s plus sized. If anything, her body type is fetishized in this context. It’s also another case of a “good girl to bad girl” transformation, which are archaic and, of course, sexist. With the rise of adult websites targeting minors for explicit content, this is even more reprehensible. Once again, in terms of representation, is this really what speaks to you as progressive? Groundbreaking? A girl gains control of her own narrative by having sex with lots of men. She gains control by being sexy. She gains control by dehumanizing and objectifying herself. No she doesn’t. Media controlled by men will tell this story to you thousands of times, don’t listen because she’s bigger than a size four.

ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE UNDERAGE. ALL OF THEM HAVE EXPLICIT SEX SCENES, EVEN THE SEXUAL ASSAULT IS MADE CINEMATICALLY PORNIFIED. THESE SHOTS ARE MADE TO BE OBJECTIVELY SEXY. THIS IS NOT A CASE OF SOMEONE CREATING SOMETHING FOR THE SAKE OF REALISM. IT IS ABOUT MAKING SCENES THAT SPEAK TO A MALE AUDIENCE. THAT CATER TO THE MALE GAZE. ARGUE WITH THE WALL.

I won’t go further into the plot, other characters, or the structure or the episodes for sake of brevity, but I felt compelled to air my thoughts on this to the void. I can only hope I was critical enough that Sam Levinson will one day see this and cry because another bad feminist thinks something that he made sucks

[oneofthosesimps]

Freak like Me

pairing: levi x fem!reader I nsfw

word count: 6230

summary: as soon as the reader enters levi's life, something changes in him. reader's madness spills over and he slowly changes

warnings: mention of blood (not yours), rough sex, dirtytalk, daddy kink, swearing, dom x dom, fight scene

authors note: although i wanted to write shorter stories again, this one somehow got longer again. i tried my hand at an action scene, but i still have to practice a lot. somehow i had strong harley x joker vibes and they had to come out, sorry.

all credits to the artist of this pic:

Lensar on DeviantArt

-----

Your gaze falls into the depths of the forest before you close your eyes. Bright rays of sunlight fall through the branches above you and warm your face. You hear birds chirping around you, the crackling of the wood beneath you, the rustling of leaves swirling in a gust of wind. You breathe deeply as your open hair blows back. You hear your heart beating quietly in your chest as the silence embraces you like an old friend. What does freedom mean? What does life mean? You are sure that this is pretty close to the source. The people behind the wall, who go about their lives every day hoping to see the next day, would never get to see this world. Especially not the people you left behind in the underground.

A grin plays around your lips as you hear the hissing far off in the distance. The trees groan behind you under the force with which the hooks bore into their bark. That took a long time, you think to yourself, as ropes speed past you. You hear the chatter and shouts of your comrades in fragments, shattering the silence around you. Blurred faces shoot past you one after the other.

You spread your arms and stretch them away from you. One last deep breath fills your lungs before you hold your breath. Slowly your body falls backwards before you lose your footing beneath you and plunge headlong into the depths. The air hisses loudly past your ears, your body spins around itself. You are weightless, the green blurs around you before your whole body is pressed full force into your harness and you are yanked back up. You hear the gas sweep around you as you fly through the air, trailing the others. Your hooks bore further away into the trunk of a thick, old tree. You take momentum, flying high into the treetops, letting the ropes come back to you. Unsecured, you fall through space. Your body does a backward roll, allowing you to observe the forest floor for a brief moment. The moss nestles around the roots of the trees, single brown leaves cover the forest path, bodies move forward beneath you, you can still see a squirrel quickly making its way to safety before your body returns to its normal position and you dig your hooks into a tree again. You zip between the trees, your cape flying behind you, your face brushing some branches that bore into your tender skin. You hear the pop of a cannon being fired and see red smoke in the sky northwest of you.

Immediately you change direction, sprinting forward, leaving behind other cadets who still haven't processed what is happening. Arriving in a clearing, you find your place on a thick branch high above. Further in the distance, you see the shaking of trees, the earth shaking slightly, making the grass dance on the ground. You hear heavy footsteps, still moving slowly.

The branch below you moves and you look to your right. Silver eyes stare at you from beneath tousled black hair, eyeing your small body.

"You really do have to keep pushing forward." You hear more bodies land on the trees behind you and the wood weighs down slightly. The rest of your squad waits for instruction from your captain.

"I guess this is why I'll never get my own Squad, sir."

You turn your gaze back to the direction the titan is coming at you from and grin.

"What do you think, fifteen seconds?"

"Mmm, more like ten," Levi guesses, and the tremor intensifies. A huge hand grips around a tree trunk, pulling out from between the trees, and big eyes stare at you. Nearly ten-metres high, abnormal.

"Let's see what you can do then, humanity's strongest soldier." He snorts and rolls his eyes before his whole body moves forward with a jerk. He pulls his swords from their holsters and places them close to his body. With an ease and without the titan even noticing him, he cuts a chunk out of his neck. Before Levi even gets back beside you, the giant falls to the ground and starts to steam.

That wasn't even seven. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, the blood on his face slowly disappears and he looks at you. A small smirk curls his lips, "Brat."

You snort and slam your fist against his shoulder.

Special.

That's the word everyone would use to describe your relationship.

Special.

The first time Levi laid his eyes on you, when he saw you among all the new, shitty cadets, his foot hit your stomach area shortly after. You lacked respect and you lacked punctuality and discipline too. Another pile of shit he had to deal with - or work on until it headed home in tears.

The day after that, he hit your face with his fist. Kneeling on the floor in front of him, panting, you looked up at him. Wiping blood from your lips, you grinned at him and looked at him with wide eyes, your pupils exploding. "That's all you got, sir." Just as he was about to grit his teeth and lunge with his foot to beat the living daylights out of you, Hange stopped him. He tore himself away from her and knelt down to you, looking at you with dead eyes, "I'm going to make your fucking life a living hell." Your tongue licked over your lower lip, wiping away the remaining blood and your grin widened, "Try me."

He kept his word, always picking you out, giving you more tasks, making you run round after round, cleaning the whole headquarters, beating up your little body several times, but to his displeasure you did it all flawlessly. Yes, you lacked respect and also punctuality and discipline, but your performance was amazing, almost close to his. And when he finally saw the potential in you that Erwin had been talking about all along, it suddenly stopped - he left you alone, saw you with different eyes. Something changed in him, as if a plug had been pulled. You watched each other across the field during training, in mess hall at dinner, every spare minute your eyes spent on each other and gradually butterflies crept into the pit of your stomach. And you had the feeling that behind the cold silver there was something deep and dark that you wanted to bring to the surface. Your exchanges were still kept to a minimum, however, until there was another bang.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you snort, raising an eyebrow.

"Excuse me, brat?" You roll your eyes and stare at him just as coldly as it hits you. The temperature in the room drops noticeably and the others at the table hold their breath. No one dares to say anything. No one would dare say anything. The moonlight from outside shines in, the candles in the room flicker slightly and trace sharp edges on your faces.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you repeat louder, "Better, sir?"

Levi's eyes blaze and he stares at you. His eyebrows draw together, the corners of his mouth drop. You see Armin open his mouth speechlessly to your right.

Your hairs stand up, the electricity rises and you bite your lower lip, grinning.

"You doubt my plan?" says Levi low and monotone. Jean's hand lands on your shoulder and he grips it, pressing you into your seat to save you from your own stupidity, but it wasn't you who was stupid, it was the whole plan Levi had just explained to you.

"Not only do I doubt it, but I also have a better one," your grin widens as Levi's liquid silver darkens. "Let me fight on the front lines. Mikasa is good, but I'm better".

"For that, you're an incorrigible little bitch who won't listen to my orders".

"Yes, because my plans usually make more sense".

"You're not ready for that. Your cluelessness only makes you run from one titan to another. That statement alone shows me how small your brain is if you're not even aware of it and now shut your mouth."

Jean's grip tightens, but you just push his hand away from you. After your next blink, your heart jumps a tiny bit as you see Levi's annoyed face. He is always good at holding back his anger and it never shows. In fact, he almost never shows any emotion, but you see right through him. He has it bubbling up inside him. Never contradicts him and if he does, the person suffers a thousand deaths afterwards. But between you it is somehow different, tingling. It gives you the greatest pleasure to see him like this and you know, deep inside him, a voice is telling him that he enjoys it too. Others would describe you as crazy and full of the courage to live, but that's what makes it all so appealing.

"Maybe we can find a compromise?" suggests Armin and you see the sweat on his brow as he almost shits himself at the words. You roll your eyes and look back at Levi.

"I thought you wanted to make my life hell. So that's a good start," you remind him of the first words he ever said to you.

"Your plans are bullshit. If I let you keep fighting up front, you'll probably get yourself killed by your insanity, " he growls, almost at his limit. But only almost.

You lean over slightly, look at him, smile slightly, grin, bite your lip again, breathe, "I have a feeling you like this madness, Levi."

He tenses slightly, draws his eyebrows together again as his name passes your lips. Connie coughs and tries to draw attention to himself, but everyone ignores him. It seems like everyone is in a state of shock because you simply addressed him by his first name. Everyone watches spellbound as you literally eye-fuck each other. Do they like the show? Almost at his limit.

"Tch, what did you just call me, brat?" his voice gets louder and his hands form into fists. You lean back in your chair again and look at him, bored.

"Oh, I didn't know you had such bad hearing. Don't you like Levi? That's your name, isn't it? Do you prefer Sir? Or Captain? Or maybe," your eyes looked up at him, burning into him, "Daddy?" At his limit. Pathetic.

A deep dark sound comes from his throat and the others hold their breath again. His whole posture grows stronger and wider. You see the muscles working under his clothes, see veins popping on his hand and you feel butterflies in your stomach. His eyes are black. You all sit like that for a few seconds. You watch his gestures and his face change emotions. Without warning, his right hand hits the table flat, "Fuck off."

The sound cuts through the silence and the weaklings among you flinch. Confused, no one moves, while your eyes do not leave each other's. Armin is about to open his mouth and Jean is about to put his hand on your shoulder again when Levi stands up with a jerk, his chair tipping backwards and hitting the wooden floor with a thud.

"I said fuck off," he roars, looking around with a death glare.

Chairs squeak, footsteps run across the wooden floor, making it creak.

"What have you done now?" whispers Jean in your ear and you give him a look before he walks behind the others and the door closes.

The scene stops again and you stare at Levi. Both hands flat on the table in front of him, leaning on his arms and looking down, he stands there. You can no longer see his eyes as his long black strands fall into his face, but you notice his tense jaw. Your heart leaps again. He was so handsome. Especially when he was angry. Finally, you break the silence.

"Great, now you've scared everyone," you sigh and roll your eyes.

"What are you doing?", Levi hisses back at you, spitting venom and bile, finally raising his head. His eyes blaze again and your core drips.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You know your place, so start acting like it, you piece of shit."

"I wish my place was naked in front of you." Before Levi has taken in what you've said, you stand up, pushing the chair back a little as you do so, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to sleep too. The day was exhausting and I need to rest to be fit for the expedition. So, I can sit my ass off nicely in midfield."

You turn away from him and your heart slips slightly into your pants. Never turn your back on the enemy. "But of course, it makes much more sense for Mikasa to fight in front and me in the back. Makes sense."

You can take two steps as his hand wraps firmly around your wrist. He squeezes too tightly, hurting you, and you grin again.

"Repeat what you said." His voice is so low it sends a shiver down your spine. Your expression changes and, playfully annoyed, you turn to face him.

"Do you mean the part where I explained that I was going to sit my ass off." He growls and you almost groan. The tension was heavy and hot.

"Stop playing games. My patience is running out."

You lick your lower lip again, wetting it before biting down on it. "I know this isn't about the fucking mission," Levi looks at your mouth. You take a step closer to him, looking up at him from below. "I wish my place was naked in front of you, Daddy," you breathe.

In that split second, his lips land on yours. Two forces of nature collide and you almost topple backwards. His arm wraps tightly around your waist, pulling you against him, and you finally moan. He bites your lower lip hard and you open your mouth in pain. He takes the opportunity to dig his tongue deep between your lips. He presses himself against your body and you slam into the wall behind you. A pain runs through your head as your tongues circle each other, fighting to see who has the upper hand. Your hands go into his hair, reaching deep into his mane, and you pull his head closer to you. Big hands grip your waist and he lifts you up with ease so you can wrap your legs around him. His hands travel under your thighs, squeezing the flesh before he drills them into the fat of your ass. Your teeth collide as you drill your tongue deeper into his mouth, exploring his mouth cavity. He releases the kiss and a thread of spit connects you. You lay your head back and lick over your swollen, sore lips as he places his mouth on your vein, kissing your pulse before licking along it.

"Took you long enough to finally decide to fuck me."

"Shut your mouth, brat," he breathes against your neck before biting into it and sucking on it.

"I swear, if you leave hickeys ..." you groan.

"What then? Are you going to hit me with your little fists?"

"You mean like you did to me all those times? Nah, I'm not an asshole like you. But you probably secretly get off on it."

He bites your neck, just above your pulse, and your head slams back against the wall behind you, making you see stars. He smirks as his nails dig into you and you claw into his shirt. Your panties are completely wet and your juice leaks out of you incessantly. You moan loudly as his teeth dig deeper into your flesh. This was far too good to be true. Your left hand goes into his hair again, you pull at the strands and tear him away from you. He makes a face and you press your lips to his again, biting his lower lip until you taste blood. He gasps and pushes your head away from him, "You're crazy."

You grin broadly at him. "We've been over this," you lick his lower lip apologetically, "and I can see you like it." His gaze is on your face as you wrap your arms around him. "You like crazy, you will stick your dick in crazy." A dark sound escapes him and your nails run over his neck. "You can't even argue with me, you want to fuck this crazy bitch so badly."

His lips land on yours again and you grin against him before moaning into his mouth as he presses you tighter against the wall. His hands leave your ass, skimming up the sides of your waist before moving forward to your chest. Two of his fingers find their way along between the buttons, stroking the sensitive skin. Your belly grows warm with the butterflies inside him. You wrap your legs tighter around his waist and run your hand under the fabric of his shirt at the nape of his neck, running it over the muscles of his shoulders and it shakes you with pleasure.

His strong hands grip the fabric of your blouse and without warning, he rips the front apart, sending the buttons flying across the room. You bite your lip as his arms fall around your waist to hold you in place. "You shouldn't have taken your anger out on my blouse," you moan as he kisses the bulge above your right collarbone and licks along it.

"Would you rather I took it out on you?" he murmurs as he bites into that thin skin too, sucking on it and sure to leave a hickey.

"Yes, I don't know you any different."

He continues to lick forward, kissing the ridge at the end of your neck, licking over a mole at the beginning of the mound of your breast. His right hand comes away from your waist, grips your left breast and kneads it. You claw into his shoulders, leaving marks as he pushes the cup off it and you feel his hand skin on skin. Almost painfully, he rolls your nipple between his thumb and forefinger and you push your back through, coming to meet him.

"Mmm, you like that?" he murmurs and you can hear his grin.

"I never thought you'd be this good at it," you mock, before you make a grimace and groan. Pain runs through you as he bites down on your nipple and then his lips wrap around it and he sucks on it. The sensation extends to your fingertips and your toes, coursing through your whole body. You close your eyes, savouring and moaning his name as he bites into it again. He sucks harder on it, lifting his head slightly and releasing it with a plop. He circles your nipple with his tongue and licks it slowly and pleasurably. The knot in your stomach tightens and your head is fogged.

"More," you moan into the room. You tug at the piece of fabric covering him and press your core tighter against him.

"Don't be so impatient, idiot."

"I'm not impatient, you're just slow."

He pulls your whole body down a bit, pressing his bulge into your centre. You curse because the fabric between you is annoying and rub against him greedily.

"Slowly then?" he purrs against your ear and comes towards you, rubbing against you too, "I'll keep that in mind." He grips you again and lifts you away from the wall. You let yourself fall against him and moan against his neck, licking it as you continue to try and build pressure.

Shortly after, your bottom touches the table and he releases your weight. You seize the opportunity and do the same to him, yanking him out of his shirt.

"Tch, but I'm venting my anger," he leans over you, capturing your lips again. Immediately your tongues meet. Greedily your fingers touch his body, stroking his soft skin beneath your fingers, feeling individual scars over, which you let your thumb wander. You caress each and every muscle and gape at his well-built body. He surpasses every single one of your fantasies that you imagined while he was training or just cleaning. You follow his muscles down to the V of his pelvis and a deep moan comes over him as you undo the buckle of his belt. His hands also find their way to your trousers, undoing them, and he releases the kiss. He goes to the floor, kneels in front of the table where you are still sitting and looks up at you. Slowly he takes off your boots without taking his eyes off you. You watch him spellbound, a grin falling on your lips again. He pulls at your trouser legs and you lift your bottom, helping a little so that he can brush the fabric off your legs.

His hands run over your feet and you shake yourself slightly before he kisses them.

"Mmm," you moan, "I could see you like this more often, Captain." You bite your lower lip as his hands slide along your legs. Again, and again his lip or tongue hits your skin, caressing it and you are sure you would leave a stain on the neatly cleaned table. At the latest, when his lips lick the insides of your thighs, your hands clasp the edge of the table. You groan and your right hand goes into his hair, claws into it. His hands settle on your legs, pushing them apart, and his warm breath touches your core. He looks at the dark fabric separating his face from your lower lips and licks his lips. How will you taste? There is a distinct stain, your juice colours the fabric a shade blacker and his hard cock presses against his still closed trousers. He draws in the air around him and he groans. You smell so incredibly good, how much he'd like to taste you. How much he would like to fuck you.

When you notice his fingers gently stroking your pussy and he grips the fabric to pull it aside, you moan again and pull on his head.

Painfully he is pulled back and you close your legs.

"What are you doing, idiot?" he gasps in annoyance, his face contorting at the sting.

"I don't feel like playing this time," you murmur, grinning. "My patience is wearing thin," you repeat his words from earlier, "I don't feel like waiting anymore."

You press your toes against his chest and push him backwards. He is slightly off balance, staggers and falls into the chair behind him.

"Unzip your pants already", you stand up and your hands each rest on the back of the chair next to his head, your breasts dangling in his face, "Go ahead".

Completely caught off guard, he undoes the button and then the zip. You grin again and lean forward towards him. Your lips meet his jaw, kissing along it to his ear and you put your mouth to the shell of his ear, "And now you take out your big cock."

He growls slightly and does as you command. Your gaze falls briefly on his hard erection and a shiver comes over you, your butterflies dancing inside you.

"That's much better, isn't it, Daddy?" you see his Adam's apple dangle as he swallows hard and you look into his eyes. You place one leg on each side of his body. Your hands slide from the back of the chair to his shoulders and you claw into them. Still covered with a piece of cloth, you rub your cunt over his hard cock, which presses against it. You moan and he does the same, putting his hands on your waist and squeezing. His eyes close and he puts his head back in his neck, "Do it already."

"Anything my daddy wants," your hand grips the thin fabric and pulls it aside. Drops of your juice hit him, mixing with his precum and you rub it along your slit before gripping his shaft and sliding his thick tip inside you.

Never would you have expected him to be so big. Your walls press tightly against him as he slides inch by inch into you. Your eyebrows draw together because it feels so good. Levi gasps slightly beneath you as you swallow him slowly.

"You're huge," you sigh contentedly as he's fully inside you, and you twitch your walls, his fingers buried deep in the flesh of your waist. His jaw seems tense, but his eyes look at you half-closed. His irises are no longer visible. "God, so fucking huge. We should have done this so much sooner. I think it's tearing me apart," you grin wide and happy as you feel a slight burn.

"If I had known how good you looked doing that, I would have fucked you sooner."

"Yeah, would you have?" you look deep into his eyes as you move upwards, his cock sliding completely out of you and you lower yourself back down onto him, "Do you like the way I ride your cock?" Your movements slowly quicken and you hear the smacking of your cunt as it swallows his cock again and again.

"Do you like the way your thick cock keeps digging deep into me?" He growls out and starts to come towards you. His hips thrust upwards, hitting you hard. As he does, you don't part your gaze for a second and it feels like you can glimpse his soul.

"Do you like the way my cunt milks you?" Levi digs one hand into the fat of your ass, pulling on it and baring his teeth. You dig your nails into his back as he changes the angle and bumps against your G-spot. The sounds of his balls hitting your ass and the mixing of your fluids grow louder. You become incredibly hot and start to sweat.

"Do you like the way I moan your name?" you add a long Levi at the last word and he stares at you like you're a goddess. His goddess.

"Fuck, you're so hot," he murmurs in a dry, heavy voice.

"That you ever thought otherwise hurts my heart." You ram your fingernails deeper into his back and pull at the skin, leaving deep marks.

"I'll never think anything else again," he groans up at you. By now you are no longer riding him. Instead, he holds you in place above him, your feet no longer even touching the ground, and he thrusts into you with a brutality that leaves you breathless. The knot in your stomach gets tighter and tighter and you bite his shoulder to stifle a scream. He fucks you like a madman, pressing his body hard against yours and enjoying the feel of your hard nipples against his chest. He tries to get even deeper, to push against your cervix, but the position is too shitty for that.

"That won't do," he groans, suddenly lifting you up. With his pants at his ankles and you in his arms, he walks back to the table, lays you down on it ungently and buries himself in you again. He grips your legs with his hands, rests them on his shoulders and increases his speed further. He fucks you into the hard wood of the table and puts his head back, moaning your name loudly. He comes so far inside you, you feel pain deep inside you. Such good pain.

"God, your cunt is so tight. I never want to feel anything else ever again." You open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Your breath has long left your lungs and your brain can't make anything up. Your little body is concentrating solely on how his fat cock is being pushed into you, how he is tearing your little hole in two and how incredible this feeling is. Because of this, you just mumble something to yourself, which makes him grin, "Suddenly I guess your mouth isn't so big anymore." Again, you try to say something, but it is in vain. Your head is full of fog and all you can think about is how he should thrust harder, even deeper, which is no longer possible, and how he should take you. You want him to ruin you, for everything and everyone. Every night he should do this to you so that you can never stand or sit again. You just want to be his little plaything.

"Good to know I can shut you up like this." His cock hits your G-spot hard and makes you see stars. You moan loudly and reach for something to claw into, but there's nothing. "Alright, I guess silent isn't quite the right word".

He's fucking you so well and you glare at him as he stares at you and you bite your lip, your breathing becoming more uncontrolled and you nod slightly at him to signal how close you are. He grins and you push your back through as he thrusts into you one last time and you explode, screaming his name and losing your grip on the earth.

That was probably the beginning of your death - and probably that of every other - but who knows for sure. The two of you were quite a force on your own, but as a duo you were invincible. Soon, word got out about what had happened. You could have tried to deny it, but it wasn't difficult to guess, since you were ever the only person allowed to disobey Levi and get away alive. Moreover, your loud moans could be heard throughout the building. Everyone should know that you now belong to each other. Your madness spilled over onto him. You had nothing left to lose - except each other and you swore you would only leave this hell together.

"Listen up, shitheads," Levi turns his attention to the people behind you and you follow his gaze, "we're going to do another round and secure the perimeter before we set up camp here for the night."

"Yes, sir," everyone but you shouts in unison and salutes. You roll your eyes.

Your gaze, on the other hand, averts and you direct it to the trees around you. The birdsong has died down and the wind has receded. The branch beneath you sways slightly again as Armin lands on it and turns to talk to Levi. You ignore them both and continue to look around. No wind, but the leaves sway back and forth. You close your eyes and concentrate. Far in the distance you can hear a river making its way through the ground. There is a faint smell of wet moss and it is all so peaceful. Far away you hear the tapping of a woodpecker looking for its food before it suddenly stops. You tear your eyes open and clutch the handles of your equipment. A moment later you see the bird fluttering overhead with a loud bird song. Your eyes fall on Levi and over Armin's shoulder he looks at you. He raises an eyebrow before your typical grin falls to your lips and his expression slips.

You shoot your hooks, which bore into a tree and you fly away. Behind you, you hear the shouting of others and more gas being consumed as you make your way through the forest. You build up speed and zoom past the many trees. You race in the direction from which you just heard the woodpecker. You hear a stomping sound that gets louder and louder the closer you get to it, before you see two huge figures running past you on your left. You didn't expect two, but that only means one more point on your kill scale. Your hands grip the handles of your 3DMG tighter and adrenaline rushes through your bloodstream. You draw in a deep breath through your nose as you suddenly change direction and race towards them. In the distance, you catch sight of your squad and see Levi racing ahead of them after you. He is stronger than you, but you are faster. He has left the squad behind with ease and does not look happy. His rage-filled face makes you feel like you're on fire and a shiver runs down your spine.

"Sorry," you shout loudly to them as you fly through the air and your hook bores into a titan's shoulder. You hear Levi yell your name, but you ignore him. Unfortunately, this distracts the two titans and they notice you. They stop and look around before spotting Levi.

The smaller titan is just under eight metres tall, the other about two metres taller, both of course abnormal. You whirl around the larger one and draw your swords, placing them against your small body, ready for battle. You hiss at his neck, but while he has not yet set his sights on you, the smaller one turns his attention to you and looks at you with wide eyes. He reaches out his hand to you. You curse loudly and drill your hook into a tree above you to get away from him quickly. It is just enough that when he closes his hand, you are not caught in it. Instead, your sole touches his huge finger and you push off against him in addition to putting more land between him and you. On the other side of the field, you see Levi whirling through the air, attracting the little titan's attention. He puts up his swords ready to fight, but you are quicker, get in his way and cut the titan's neck with a smooth slice. The first titan goes down, begins to steam and you are left with the larger one. As you fly through the air, you drill your hooks into his arm and pull yourself towards him. Just before you get on top of him you change direction and fly towards his shoulder. The titan looks around and tries to spot you again, but you are too fast. The next time your hooks hit a tree in the distance. You fly towards his neck, your swords just setting when your ropes suddenly loosen. The titan has lashed out, ripping them out of the tree. You tear open your eyes, more adrenaline finding its way into your bloodstream, your heart pounding against your chest. For the moment, your course is not altered, so your cut glides through him perfectly and he falls slowly to the ground. But you fall with him. You try to drill your hooks back into a tree, but apparently, he has damaged your equipment, so nothing happens. Panic shoots into your head as you get closer and closer to the ground. You close your eyes and brace yourself for impact before you hit the ground. Your air is ripped from your lungs, your body aches under the contact and the wind flies around your ears. You cling to the body against you and rest your head against its neck. Black tea and lemon. As soon as your feet touch ground, he sets you down and pushes you off him. You stagger back and see the faces of the rest of your comrades, who look at you in horror.

"What was that about, you retard?!" snarls Levi at you, and you see his tense jaw and the deep creases on his forehead, his lips pressed hatefully into a line, as he presses his eyebrows together.

"I don't know what you're upset about. I had the situation under control." You pat the dirt off your clothes, hoping he doesn't see your slightly wobbly legs. You take a deep breath and look up at him. That was more action than you planned. To be honest, the situation got out of hand, but you would never admit that - especially not in front of Levi.

"Under control?! You call that under control! You disobeyed my order!" he yells at the whole forest and you see Krista wince.

"I killed them, what more do you want? If you hadn't come, I would have finished faster."

"He almost killed you!"

"Right, almost," you grin at him and undo the straps of your equipment, letting it fall to the floor. It is no longer of any use and simply means more burden that you would have to carry around with you. You kick it lightly and it rattles. Everyone seems shocked, and Levi clenches his hands into fists. You bite your lower lip, "You were there, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not always, maron!"

"Yeah, and I'm good at taking care of myself in those moments," you stride towards him and place your hands on his tense chest, "Daddy."

You wink at him and the others almost skin it at your words. Eren is probably already thinking about running away before Levi takes his anger out on him. You stroke his shirt and he stares at you. His anger is immeasurable, but you can see something else mingling in his gaze and he relaxes slightly.

"You'll pay for that later," he murmurs and you lick your lips.

"I expected nothing less."

[lubdubsworld]

Insatiable ( Jungkook x Oc) Chapter 5

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x OC

Rating 18+

Genre : Vampire Au!!!! , DILF! Jungkook ! Bodyguard AU! Babysitter OC!   Age difference!!!

Chapter 1   Chapter 2  Chapter 3    Chapter 4

Chapter 5 

“Well, this is confusing.” 

Namjoon was staring at him like he’d grown an extra head and Jungkook grunted from where he was trying to deadlift the 250lbs barbell, dropping it back down to stare at his friend. He’d never been able to deadlift this much. But then, today everything about him felt different. His senses heightened, vision sharper and just a lot  more energy than usual. 

“What?” He snapped, slightly annoyed because .... well, he had no idea why he was so annoyed. And that only added to his already foul mood.

“You look like you had a good night. A  really  good night but you’re also acting like you really need to get laid. So I’m trying to figure out which it is?” Namjoon frowned, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 

Jungkook groaned , grabbing the small towel from the chair and soaking up the sweat dotting the back of his neck. He walked over to the water dispenser in the corner of the gym, pouring himself a glass, tipping it over his head and shaking out of his hair as the water dripped down his face and neck, drenching his sweat soaked tank top even more. . 

Somewhere to his right, one of the ladies on the treadmill, tripped, crashing in a heap on the machine and he couldn’t help but smirk. She had been staring at him the entire time. 

Jungkook was used to attention. He was used to the stares and the lust and the heightened heart rates he induced . It had been bad, even in his days as a human and now, five centuries later as a powerful vampire , it had only grown. 

He was handsome. He was fit and he was a good guy. It was only natural that women wanted him. And he was okay with that. It gave him the luxury of being able to pick and choose, who he wanted in his bed. And he did. 

Not that he did it often. With Joowon to care for, Jungkook often went months on end without sex and that was okay. Because the kind of sex he usually had, it was just ...a release. There was nothing intimate or personal about it. 

Even with Helena it had been the friendship that had appealed to him.

Helena was ...fun. She liked to sail through the world, doing as she pleased and taking lovers everywhere. No one could keep her in a place for long and no one could ground her. There had been a time when he had thought that he was in love with her but that was just Helena. She made you feel like you couldn’t live without her. Because of how much happiness she imbibed in the moments. Because of how non judgemental and kind she was. 

And he loved her. But now , centuries later it was the love of a dear friend. 

But with Sera..... it had been something else. 

He had a way he did things. 

A little kissing , a little foreplay and just a whole lot of fucking with multiple orgasms for everyone involved. He had a quick refractive period and supernatural stamina so of course he was going to take advantage of that. 

But none of that had happened last night. 

The actual sex had lasted a scant few minutes. He hadn’t even been inside her more than five minutes and yet the memory was seared into his head. The phantom warmth of her still around him and the scent of her still tugging on his senses. 

And the taste of her. 

Fucking hell. 

Jungkook had never fed from someone during sex. He just didn’t because drinking from someone , taking their life essence...it just...it was something incredibly intimate. It was important to him. Jungkook hardly ever fed from humans , opting to visit a blood cafe for a drink or a dispensary for a few blood bags when he needed to feed. 

But last night. 

“Earth to Jeon Jungkook.” Namjoon’s voice pulled him to the present. 

He stared at his oldest, dearest friend. 

“I slept with Sera.” His voice cracked on the syllables of her name, his tone dripping with regret and Namjoon stiffened. 

“You... what? “ He stared at him in disbelief. 

Jungkook groaned. 

“Fuck... I drank from her too. “ He buried his face into his hands. 

“Jungkook, that’s... “

“It was her first time. “ Jungkook looked up at him, eyes wide and helpless and Namjoon’s jaw came unhinged. 

“Are you going to tell me you’re the pope next? Because my heart can’t take it...” 

Jungkook groaned.

“I’m such a fucking idiot. It was supposed to be a no strings attached thing. “

Namjoon’s gaze softened. 

“Dude, a girl’s first time? Of course she’s going to get attached. Did she like confess?” 

Jungkook hesitated.

“No. Actually, she just got dressed and left.” He shrugged. 

Namjoon frowned. 

“Oh, then that’s good right?” 

Jungkook felt a little sick. He remembered how empty his bed had felt, after she’d kissed him and slipped back into her clothes and rushed back to sleep in her own bed. He hadn’t even helped clean her up because his limbs had felt a bit like jelly. He’d been punch drunk with the taste of her, his head swimming and his body thrumming and she had practically skipped out of his room, not a care in the world. 

Hadn’t even kissed him good bye. 

“Yeah. Good. “ He said hoarsely , head pounding . 

Namjoon was staring at him .

“What ?!” Jungkook snapped, foul mood returning with a vengeance. 

“Oh my God. “ Namjoon began laughing. 

Jungkook stared at him...What the fuck was wrong with Namjoon.

“You’re the one who got attached.” Namjoon’s eyes were wide as saucers, his fingers pointed right in Jungkook’s face. 

The younger yelped, stepping back. 

“No.. I.. what?!”

“You look so upset that she left you after sex... I’ve seen that kicked puppy look before. You wore that same face when Joowon didn’t cry on his first day at school!! ‘ Isn’t he gonna miss me hyung?” You whined... i remember that fucking face Jeon jungkook!!!” 

 Namjoon was on the floor now, guffawing and clutching his sides. 

Jungkook glared at his friend. 

“What the fuck...no i did not!!” He swore. 

Namjoon merely continued laughing.

“Oh, the sweet sweet taste of karma. Serves you right Jeon Jungkook, considering the hearts you’ve broken over  the years.” 

Jungkook glared at his friend. 

Namjoon had no fucking idea what he was on about. Him? Catch feelings ? 

Like hell. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He couldn’t find her . 

And when he realized why he couldn’t find her, he couldn’t believe it. 

“What the fuck do you mean she’s gone on a date?” He snapped at Jimin who gave him an unamused look.

“I’m your hyung, you bastard!” The shorter male yelled and next to him his wife rubbed a soothing hand on his shoulder.

“What Jimin means is that, Yugyeom came by earlier when she was getting changed for dinner...” 

“He came into the room when she was getting changed?” Jungkook stared in disbelief, “ What the actual fuck...”

Jimin choked and Somi let out a giggle.

“That’s not what I meant. Sera came back to the room after closing up the daycare and Yugyeom texted her.... that he wanted to pick her up for dinner. She agreed and told me to tell you that she’ll be back at around eleven...” 

“Where the hell did they go? I need an address.” Jungkook snapped. 

Jimin stared at him like he’d spouted latin. 

“what?” He gaped. 

Somi held a hand up.

“Yugyeom’s an old friend of ours. He took her out for dinner, that’s all. She’s been out with him before ...Don’t worry Jungkook ssi... She’s perfectly safe with him.” Somi said quickly.

Jungkook merely shook his head, glaring at the pair.

“You should know better than to do this. You know how fucking good she smells to vampires. How could you send her out of the estate without security....in the company of a Kim , no less?  I am right here... It’s literally my job to be with her at al times.. Its what I’m paid to do.... ..why didn’t you tell me...” He shook his head. 

Jimin and Somi exchanged looks. 

“You’re certainly very dedicated to ....your job.” Jimin frowned. Somi meanwhile was holding a hand up and giggling behind it. 

God, he couldn’t carry on a conversation with two people who acted like literal children. 

He had to go find the Chief. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook blinked.

Once . Twice. 

“I’m sorry sir, could you repeat that?” He said sharply. 

Chief Hwang gave him a confused look. 

“I said , you can stay back today evening and help me with the accounts Jungkook-ah.I do know that Sera’s going for dinner with Yugyeom and well, I really need help with the balancing . I think the gardener has been playing fast and loose with buying germanium seeds and charging them as Lilies . Is he pocketing the difference or is there something else going on...” 

Jungkook, who really couldn’t give two fucks about germaniums or Lilies , merely stared at the patriarch of the clan, trying to decide if the older man was joking because how on earth was he supposed to just....

“Let her go on the date alone? Without me?” He asked, his tone screaming that he wasn’t okay with that.

 At all. 

Chief Hwang hummed.

“Yes of course... I’ve known the boy for two centuries. He’s a good man. “ 

“You’ve known me for five centuries.” Jungkook reminded him , instinctively.

 And then he blinked because why on earth had he said that? 

Chief Hwang had an amused look on his face. 

“Yes of course. And you’re a very fine young man as well, Jungkook. Too bad you think Sera is like a daughter to you....” 

Wait. 

What? 

Was the older man teasing him? Jungkook could’ve sworn he saw a hint of mischief in the vampire’s eyes. 

“Don’t you?” Chief Hwang asked. 

“Sir?” 

“Don’t you think of her as a daughter, Jungkook-ah.? Isn’t that what you told her?” 

Jungkook had the sudden terrible feeling that Sera told her father  everything. 

 “Uh..it was just an expression sir. She’s a good ... friend.” He finished. 

Chief Hwang hummed thoughtfully. 

“I see. Well, Yugyeom thinks she would make a wonderful mate. “ He shrugged.

Jungkook felt his fists clench. 

“I still think I should be there sir... Just to... make sure she’s safe. It’s kind of my job.” He said gruffly. 

“Are you sure? Germaniums and Lilies are vastly different and for the gardener to-”

“Sir to be very honest I don’t really care about the damn flowers. Sera needs to be safe and I’m not letting anyone hurt her on my watch. So I’d really appreciate if you tell me where she is....” Jungkook said sharply. His heart was pounding. 

Chief Hwang gave him a thoughtful glance, his lips quirking up in a smile. 

“ Looks like I’ll be planning a wedding after all.” He chuckled thoughtfully and Jungkook frowned, confused.

“Sir?” 

“Let me put you out of your misery, Jungkook ah... She’s having dinner at the Hyatt Resort.... The private conference room on the seventh floor. Yugyeom reserved it for her.” The older man glanced at his watch and smiled, “  There’s a fire work show in exactly half an hour. Sera loves those.... If you leave right now, you can interrupt them right on time. “ 

Jungkook blushed , blood rushing to his face. 

“Sir.. I’m not.. I don’t...want to interrupt.” God, he sounded fake to his own ears. 

Chief Hwang waved him off with a laugh. . 

“Go on go on..And maybe buy me some patbingsu on your way back..!! “

Jungkook stared. 

“Uh yes sir. “ 

“Good. Close the door on your way out, son.”  

Jungkook closed the door, trying to ignore the way warmth flooded his heart at the way the man had addressed him. 

 Son. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR’S nOTE : a short chapter because I wanted to write something from Jungkook’s point of you...also Chief Hwang playing cupid is my favorite thing ever...

@ladyartemesia        @veronawrites   @alpaca1612     @bonyg    @unseejuice21  @sppvjj     @ggukkieland     @tae-by-tae      @blr1004      @yoongichild    @stussyjeon  @jellybearo  @sumzysworld   @carolsummerlove

@bunniechoon

@preciouschimine

Please come scream with me... 

[starshipsofstarlord]

Hey if requests are open can I ask one?

Can you do a bucky or stephen strange x reader where the reader falls under the ace spectrum and they are terrified to tell him that they are ace.

I'm ace (on the spectrum) and I've been struggling with forming romantic attachments and not feeling like "complete" or "enough" so I just felt this would be nice💕

If its convenient for you then please do this request

Thank you!

On the spectrum

Pairing | Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary | based on the request. I kinda made a little twist to it, so I hope that you like it. I am in no way saying that asexual people can only be with asexual folk, but I thought this might be cute, so I wrote it like this xx

Warnings | erection, mentions of sex, ^^

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

Jolting up from your rest, your eyes widened as you get your weight lounging upon Bucky, eyes wide as felt an appendage of his jolting stiffly upon your inner thigh. It was a surprise, the pair of you, through the expanse of your short term relationship, had never had the conversation of sex, and a part of you wanted to avoid it at all costs. There was something that you needed to inform Bucky about, but you were wary of what his reaction could be.

You weren’t sure that he would understand, after all, back in the 40s he was known for his womanising reputation, and whilst you knew that you weren’t another loose fling that had no attachments, it was still a big deal to share the truth with him. Not only would it impend and possibly affect his view of a future with you, but it would promote a new side to you, that you hadn’t told many people about.

Nat knew, but that was only because years back, you had confided in her, confused about your lack of sexual attraction to anyone. She had been supportive, and prompted you to research online, to see if you were as she suggested, asexual. There were many perceptions of the sexuality, some people would still do the deed to keep their partner happy, and others swore off the act altogether.

It wasn’t that the thought and idea of sex grossed you out, in fact, you could understand that people did it to feel amounts of pleasure that came from nothing else. But the rouse of body parts brushing against the other, and slipping inside was not something that ever appealed to yourself. And then you met Bucky, and your perception of the ordeal remained the same; you weren’t blind, you knew Bucky was extremely attractive, however, there still seemed to be no pulse in your veins that was prompting you to jump his bones.

It wasn’t him, it was you, and that was more okay. There was nothing wrong with not having a desire to perform erotic acts with any partner, and more so than his appearance, you had fallen for not only Bucky’s heavenly appearance, but his soul. He had an old soul, that was a given, with all things considered. And that was what had first made you step towards the man that liked to be alone, and change his perception of that fact.

He was new to the team, Tony enjoyed picking fun at the man, who as he liked to say ‘hadn’t got any in eighty years’. Bucky hardly responded to Iron Man’s nit picks, ignoring them instead to settle the conflict in his eyes. Berating with Tony was off the table, and so were snarky remarks, otherwise the billionaire would remind him of his sins against the Stark family, although in foresight, he had just been carrying out orders.

A groan relented from the man beneath you as you uncomfortably shuffled, his cock clearly rubbing against your thigh. His sleep dazed eyes slowly peeled open, revealing the blue globes beneath that stared up at you. A furrow endorsed his features, as he came to realisation of what had you so frozen; he was hard, nothing in particular had turned him on, it was just his body’s way of rousing him from slumber, and apparently it had extracted you from your rest also.

He released his arms from around you, watching as you shyly rolled to the side, and glanced at him from out of the corner of your eye. He released a small and sorrowful smile as he glanced down to where the covers had lightly raised from his manhood, feeling guilty for how his body had reacted by itself. “Doll face I’m sorry, I didn’t- it just- ugh.” The man groaned, rubbing his face with his prosthetic hand as he tried to rid the dust from out from the corner of his eyes.

“It’s okay.” Your voice came across as meek, small to the elephant in the room. “Just I- there is something I should tell you.” You twiddled with your fingers, picking nervously at the hanging skin that had chipped its way partially off on your latest mission, that had required you to furiously try and peel a jammed car door open to get the family out. Bucky now focused all his attention on you rather than the uninvited presence of his little friend in the bedroom, his pupils sending you signals of warmth as if to tell you that whatever you were going to tell him next, he would remain here for you.

“I’m asexual, and I get that you aren’t and you probably want all of nothing in this relationship but-” You spoke, but quickly paused when you saw Bucky tilted his head, a clear frown creating a thin line through the middle of his forehead. “What is it, do you not want me or-“ he stopped you from speaking, reaching out to hold your hands, giving them a light comforting squeeze, before he happened to open his mouth to speak.

“Doll face.” That name made you gulp, afraid that it would be the last time that he addressed you in such a way. And if it were, then that emotional connection that you felt to him would be unwound, and set out to sea to float and turn under the waves. “Asexual.” He tested the word on his tongue, as he lightly nodded, for some reason the phrase feeling right upon his tongue. “Can you explain it to me, I don’t know what it is?”

Of course, he wouldn’t know what it is! It made sense, he was from the forties, where various sexualities were not explored, all because straight white men thought their opinions were inferior. Well now, everyone had the freedom to be who they wanted to, and could be attracted to whomever they pleased, as things should have always been. Brushing your hand through your hair, thinking of holding onto the locks for dear life as you felt your nerves persevere, and spur in your membrane.

“It’s where someone does not experience sexual thoughts or feelings, towards anyone. Their thoughts are primarily romantic, and that’s how I feel. I do love you Buck, but I’m not sexually attracted to you, and I understand if that is a deal breaker for you. Not everyone wants to be put on a sex ban for the entirety of their relationship, but for me, it’s not like that at all, instead it’s more so I find the little moments to be more intimate than intercourse.”

“Y/n... I, not to jump the gun, but I’ve been feeling the same way.” Bucky slowly spoke, making your eyes dart up to his guilty expression. “I guess eighty years on ice will make you think about the things that are more important, and you are the most important person to me, and I guess if we neither of us have any desire to have sex, then me and you are supposed to work.”

It was surely a surprise, but he had contained his emotions, thinking that even when Tony pried at him for his lack of involved affections, he felt ashamed, as though there was something wrong with him. But it appeared as this day and age was far more fitting for this version of him, the one that had endured the battles against aliens and his own friends.

“I’m sure we’d have found a way to sort your needs out even if you weren’t asexual.” It felt strange for him to hear himself described with that word, but it felt right. “And look, it’s gone down.” You laughed lightly, resting against his chest once more as he let out a breathy laugh, and cuddled you to his chest. “I’m with you for you Buck, I love every part of you. And I think, maybe we should move out of the compound and get a place together, maybe downtown?”

“Really?” His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, shining with festive luminescence. “You want that, with me?” You humbly nodded, pressing a kiss upon his cheek as you inhaled his scent. His hands dipped to your waist, holding you that bit tighter. He was never going to let you go, no matter who was what, or what was who. The two of you were y/n and Bucky, and you got through anything.

That way, leaving these Stark white four walls behind, Stark himself could not pry at the soldier, nor make jokes about his lack of sexual affection. The two of you were complete with the truth wading between you, there was to be no dwelling or worrying about the other thought, because you both understood.

[truegodofthearena]

Thoughts on episode 2:

1. I’m warming up to julien’s character. Her bond with her sister is great. I hate her father. Did he just expect her to not want to get to know her sister? Wtf? Yeah he apologised at the end but like how dumb can one be? Also her black outfit was A+++++

2. Obie is literally the worst. Boundaries? He doesn’t know them. He literally broke up with Julien a day ago and now he’s going out with her sister in front of her. That’s just cold. And as cute as Zoya is, I wanted her to kind of reject him for julien’s sake at least? Idk I find it a bit disturbing that he just jumped from one sister to the other and we are supposed to be fine with it. I’m finding it cringeworthy. C’mon Zoya, you can do so much better. He’s boring AF.

3. Speaking of boring… Aki. I get his presence in the group, I do. The soft reasonable one and I’m digging his bicurious side. But there’s just something off with the acting I think? He has some great lines but it all falls… flat. Especially against characters like Audrey and max who are more fiery and expressive. I think the actor is hot but the chemistry is just missing for me.

4. Audrey: clearly the best storyline in this episode. I love how they showed how she’s had to learn to be more mature and responsible simply coz her mom isn’t there for her and she’s had to grow up fast to deal with a lot of shit. Did remind me of blair and her moms relationship. Can’t wait to see how her relationship is like with her dad. And it was great to see an actual genuine friendship bond between her and Julien which was a contrast to julien’s relationship with monet and Luna who are all about the image and follower count.

5. I think max went in to flirt with the teacher, ruffle some feathers but then after finding out how popular the teacher is his sex appeal to him kind of skyrocketed and it’s become this ego thing? He has to be with the best. It’s messed up and I don’t want to see the teacher taking advantage of him. That storyline would suck. I also didn’t care for how Max’s attraction to Aki and Audrey was sort of cheapened by the whole teacher situation? Aki and Max’s first kiss isn’t even about them it’s about making their teacher jealous. Hell no. And then he sorts out his sexual frustration (which resulted from talking to his teacher) using Audrey? Yeah they both use each other but we don’t even get to see them kiss? Whyyyyy. Now he’s hiding a couples mutual interest in him and I know it’s building up to their threesome but like… I wanted the build up to be spicy and full of tension and I feel like this episode kind of dampened that instead of escalating my excitement for it. So far it feels like max is only there for Aki and Audrey for the thrill of it and I guess I want him to actually catch feelings and quick. Would be nice to finally see something real instead of the mask he puts on all the time. Would also be nice to see more of his family dynamic with his dads who were missing this entire episode ?

6. Aki and Audrey are doomed. Very much blair and Nate -esque. He just doesn’t get her. She wants something different. He’s sweet and perfect (nateeee!) but he’s just not enough for our girl. I think max can temporarily make this relationship work and solve their sexual dilemma but long term it’s not gonna last. Also the chemistry between just the two of them is missing so I won’t be sad for it to end. This can only work as an OT3, never an OTP. Audrey clearly needs emotional support which she’s not getting from Aki (as sweet as those flowers were, they’re not gonna cut it).

7. Can’t wait to see max having a field day knowing how both Audrey and Aki are attracted to him and almost spilling their secrets involving him. I feel like people will find out about max and Audrey because in the promo he is addressing her as he says if she didn’t want people to find out why did she do it ? Anyway max x Audrey chemistry is great in every form and I’m here for it. Give us the flashback to their hook up, you cowards !

8. Not enough screen time for Luna and monet.

[shorkbrian]

Okay hear me out and bear with my dumbass unrealistic thirst for a sec; imagine a real life reader who was obsessed with our anime character shinsou! She eventually gets over him, gets a real boyfriend, removes all those dumb poster, body pillows and photos of him. Only to get pounded on the mattress in the middle of the night by an angry shinsou who was watching everything behind a screen ✍️( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)💅 This is so unrealistic I'm so sorry—

This was supposed to be a Drabble but man? idek anymore what am I doing everything I do SUXXs lol 

(also you aren’t a dumbass lol that's MY job)

Okay wait but what if it wasn’t Anime Character! Shinsou but instead was like, Famous Instagrammer! Shinsou   👀

Like maybe he’s a model or does dance covers on youtube and has quite a few (2+ mil) followers. Dude’s got merch, t-shirts and photo cards and even a special edition body pillow (that you were lucky enough to buy before it sold out).

You follow him for years, from the time you were in middle school to now, watching his career, tuning into every instagram live and watching every story and following every fan account.

Freshman in college, you send him a message on instagram, A picture of you with a body pillow with his face plastered on it. You tell him how big of a fan you were, how you loved each picture that he released, you’ve been following him since day one and are so proud of how hard he worked to get where he is today.

Of course, nothing comes of it - you don’t think Shinsou even read it, but that almost has an appeal, doesn’t it? He’d never notice you, never know how obsessed you were with him back in high school, wouldn’t tease you for liking him so much. He was unattainable, an ideal so out of reach that you could safely idolize and love and imagine being with. You would never have to worry about the stress of him being in your life, whether to tell him about your giant crush or suffer through each day pining after someone who knew of your love, but didn’t love you back.

You were just another faceless fan in the crowd.

How do you know Shinsou doesn’t know who you are?

When he was first up-and-coming, he checked every account that followed him, excited to meet people that liked him, praised him for his talent, admired his hard work and commitment.

For some reason, you stood out to him, supporting him behind your screen. He noticed every comment you left on his posts, looked to see if you liked each picture, asked his agents if anyone with your name had bought his merch.

Eventually he made a burner account to follow you back, find you on snapchat, facebook; any social media of yours he could get his hands on.

Just as you were a fan of him, he was a fan of you.

But how were you supposed to know?

For some reason, Shinsou could never get himself to reach out to you. Shoot you a message and thank you for your unwavering love and support. And by the time he built up the courage, he was too big and too popular that his management wouldn’t let him respond to individual fans.

So Shinsou watched.

He learned how to track IP addresses and hack into a phone (it was harder than he thought), all for you. He wrote down your address and took note of the apps you had on your phone, eventually learned how to access your camera on your laptop and would check in on you whenever he could during his busy schedule.

For as much as you watched him, he watched you.

And it wasn’t creepy, how could it be? He wasn’t doing anything wrong, or bad. His life was broadcasted for everyone to see, and since you loved him so much, you wouldn’t mind your idol getting a glimpse into your life.

Sometimes he would sit down between shoots, pull out his phone to watch you in your college classes, typing away diligently on your laptop as you too notes, face scrunched in concentration.

If you left your laptop open at night on your desk, Shinsou would check in and see you curled around his body pillow, squeeze his own pillow tighter (if only it was you) in return.

He learned so much about you. But as the years went by, Shinsou found himself featured less and less in your life.

The pictures plastered on yours walls were slowly removed, replaced with pictures of you with your friends, out doing normal stuff that Shinsou wished he was able to do. His management would never let him go hang out at diners, or go to concerts unless it was some endorsement. You got to do all the things Shinsou couldn’t

You slowly stopped leaving comments on his post, you didn’t buy his merch anymore. Worst of all, you got rid of the body pillow and replaced it with an actual boyfriend.

Shinsou was hurt. You were supposed to love him, not some stupid classmate of yours. Shinsou had to watch as the two of you cuddled close to watch a movie on your laptop, sharing popcorn and buttery kisses.

It made him ache inside.

His biggest fan had replaced him.

One night he checked in to see you had left your laptop open on your desk again, giving him a perfect front row seat to you.... and your boyfriend...... having sex.

Shinsou snapped.

He still had your address - you had never moved out of your hometown. It was just a few hours from his next photoshoot, so he started planning.

He was going to make you his fan again, whether you liked it or not.

You were only allowed to support him, to love him.

Shinsou was going to make sure you didn’t forget.